#smoke damage hi im case

[itstimeforstarwars]

Can't quite summon up a "I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me" so have a lyric from the other new years song I've been listening to lately.

[pixlostinatos]

okay so. im not going to give you guys the Full Backstories (tm) for these characters. because they really are background characters for the esmp au. but theyre so important to me so i do wanna talk a Little Bit so you guys have Context. meringue/mer/snapdragon is mine, pi/aello belongs to @fogwitchoftheevermore and thorn/refuge belongs to @hermitdyke!

pi, thorn, and mer were all (along with a handful of others) part of the generation of vigilantes/heroes directly after the Cohnal And Alinar Incident! their main supervillain went by the name of Rapture (no relation to the event in empires). over the time of their active duties they grew close, and in the case of meringue and thorn, started dating.

aello grew up with a vigilante brother whose secret identity was found out by his enemies. their brother was killed and they barely escaped the same fate, but managed to escape and joined up with the vigilante scene as a way to protect themselves. they worked alongside snapdragon, refuge, and multiple other heroes/vigilantes, but were briefly convinced to betray the group by the villain rapture, who preyed on their deep rooted fear for their life. aello managed to return to the hero side prior to the final fight with rapture, however, and has generally been welcome back by the group. in the final fight with rapture, aello’s wings were injured beyond recovery and they were forced to retire. they adopted gem a few years after their departure from vigilante work and now work as a receptionist at a therapist’s office.

refuge was the new pr sweetheart of the hero commission, because the commission was trying to save face after such a major incident involving one of their heroes. he gets to have one of those Sterotypically Slutty costumes that comics artists love to give women because a) he doesnt need armor he can reinforce himself/make forcefields/whatever and b) she deserves it <3. he retired a few months after the battle that forced both aello and snapdragon into retirement, in order to settle down with meringue.

snapdragon was originally mentored by a hero who regretted how many people key was unable to save because of the bureaucracy the licensed heroes had to abide by. after kyr death, meringue repurposed and reworked kyr gear and took to the streets itself as a vigilante. during the major battle to take down rapture, its mask broke. their lungs were damaged by the smoke inhalation she experienced that day, leading to it now being disabled/chronically ill, and the exposure of its secret identity would have led to the end of her vigilante career anyway. he now runs the sunflower cafe with thorn.

[clownsalot]

im very normal about fuuta in general but i dont think im ever going to emotionally recover from his fire motif and what it represents for his character and how he reflects the greater theme of justice so that means i must rant about it

(more under the cut because this got longer than i expected whoopsies)

so anyway fire is pretty obviously supposed to be symbolic of his passion for justice right? that fire is all over the place in bring it on. he's wielding it to take down enemies, his signature weapon is a flaming sword. it's what he uses to lead the campaign against the people he's after, the people he's deemed in the wrong.

it's a fucking flaming sword, it's badass as hell!!!! it's what a hero of justice, a knight, would use!!!! it's cool as shit, it's his symbol of justice.

that's how he sees his justice in trial 1.

he's righteous, he wants so badly to believe he was a hero, he was doing it all for a good cause, for justice. his passion for justice was a tool he used to meet those ends, to be a hero, to wave it valiantly in the face of enemies.

the fire, however, is conspicuously absent once he's noticed the blood on his hands

interestingly, despite backdraft as a song title being much more related to his fire motif than bring it on, fire is actually surprisingly absent from the mv's visuals. fire, as in actual orange burning fire, doesn't show up much at all in backdraft except for when both fuuta and his victim begin turning to ashes, and a short bit near the end right after the last chorus when the spraycan explodes in fuuta's face. you know what the mv does show a lot of though?

smoke. and ash. the byproducts of a fire, the byproducts of fuuta's passion for justice.

bringing it back to firefighting for a moment: as many people have already pointed out, backdraft as a firefighting term refers to when a fire that has consumed all available oxygen suddenly explodes when more oxygen is made available, such as when a window or door breaks. the thing about fire hazards, though, is if the fire and the heat don't do someone in, usually it's the smoke. the smoke inhalation causes breathing difficulties and suffocation, making it even more difficult for a person to escape the fire.

in backdraft, instead of fire itself, what we're shown is these byproducts of a fire. the smoke is damaging to human health, and the ash shows that the fire has burned things up and caused destruction, in this case killing someone. all we're shown is the negative results of a fire, in sharp contrast to its badass, positive portrayal in bring it on.

hell, even fuuta himself starts turning to ashes and the spraycan explodes in his face, showing how even he is experiencing the negative results of a fire that has gotten out of his control, how even he has gotten burned by his passion for justice. or, is it es' desire for justice?

translation of fuuta's t2 vd by onigiriico

Me, too! I was like that, too! I also didn't think it'd turn out that way!

You and I are exactly the same breed! The only difference between us is the clothes we're wearing.

fuuta's justice and es' justice, it's all the same in his head now, he directly tells es that they're the same, that we're the same. it's all the same hunger for justice that ends up causing harm even if that wasn't the intention.

you know that saying that fire is a good servant but a bad master? i think that's pretty applicable to fuuta's situation. his passion for the pursuit of justice was great when it was still a tool, a sword he could wield, after all he did manage to shed light on some people's wrongs and bring them to justice. but once it exploded, when it became a backdraft that even he could no longer control, it did more damage than he intended.

it burned even him, it killed a middle schooler. and he recognizes that in backdraft. he only shows us the ways fire that becomes a hazard can go wrong.

translation of fuuta's t2 vd by onigiriico

What did I do? All I did was say that what's wrong is wrong! I was just going off at a bad person online!

I didn't think they would die! I just thought that wrong things are wrong, and that a crime is a crime! You get that, don't you? See? Aren't we the same?

it's just. fire is such a good metaphor for the message of fuuta's character and his arc. it's an amazing illustration of how dangerous it is when you feed a desire for justice too much, when you forget to put a boundary on how you handle that fire. eventually the fire spreads just like how passion for justice becomes zealotry, until more and more things fall under what you consider to be 'punishable' by your standards and goes out of control to hurt people that probably didn't deserve it. it's a warning to set proper boundaries on our own definition and desire for justice and what's 'right' so the good intentions doesn't spiral into harm. it's a reflection of our attitudes towards milgram as the audience responsible for their justice and forgiveness. it's amazing i love it i love fuuta's fire symbolism i love fuuta's character arc and i love milgram's writing so so so much

[swiftiefirefighters]

@talktonytome said I could send this around too and idk who's gotten it yet so sorry if you have already 😂 In the spirit of positivity, how do you think Buck and Tommy say I love you for the first time? 🥰 Feel free to send this ask to others 💕

oh gosh! i think in my wildest dreams it’s after an injury. like imagine tommy is hurt on the job and buck can’t get there right away because he’s also working and there’s no way gerard is going to let him leave to go see his injured boyfriend. lucy is sending him updates but nothing is going to make him feel better until he’s sitting next to tommy’s bed holding his hand. eddie keeps trying to reassure him. he knows lucy would be honest so it must be fine and buck knows eddie’s right but it’s tommy, you know. so when he finally gets off shift he goes right to the hospital and he hasn’t slept and he’s so tired but lucy leaves so that he can be alone with tommy, who is still asleep and buck is determined that he’s going to be there when tommy wakes up. and he is. tommy wakes up and buck kisses his hand and squeezes it, holding it between both of his hands and tommy can’t really talk yet because he’s groggy and smoke-damaged, though that should clear up soon enough.

“you can’t do that to me.” buck says. “okay? next time you have to make sure you don’t do that to me.”

and tommy just lets his eyes fall closed and nods because he’s still tired and a little drugged up.

and he goes back to sleep but buck stays there. later eddie comes by to see tommy and bring nick a change of clothes and some food but he knows him well enough not to try and make him leave so he sits for a bit, long enough to force buck to actually go change and make sure he eats and then he goes and leaves them alone again and when eddie leaves, tommy just turns his head to look at buck, to take in how exhausted he looks and buck knows what he’s doing.

“don’t say it.”

“say what?” tommy can finally get some words out, even though his voice is a bit more gravel than normal.

“don’t tell me to go home and get some rest. i’m not leaving until you leave. i’ve already had this fight with lucy and maddie.”

“not eddie?”

“eddie knows he’d lose.”

tommy lets out a soft chuckle.

“you scared the shit out of me.” buck let’s out a shaky breath. “i thought i was going to lose you and i wouldn’t even get here in time because - “

“hey. evan.” tommy coughs just slight, clearing his throat. “not that easy. you can’t get rid of me like that.”

buck sighs and slides his hand into tommy’s.

“i - don’t talk okay?” he looks up at the ceiling and then back down at tommy. “i think the last time i was that paralyzed i was standing in the street covered in my best friends blood.” buck blinks. “i can’t lose you.”

“evan.”

“no stop. i’m not done. i need to say this.” buck squeezes his hand. “i - “ the words lay thick on his tongue - it’s not like he’s never said them before, he has. to abby, to taylor. but this feels different. tommy is different - permanent. permanent in a way only a few people have ever felt - maddie, bobby and the 118, eddie and chris, and now tommy. “i love you. i can’t - “

“hey. i’m still here. im not going anywhere.”

“good thing because if you died, i would have killed you.”

“of course.” tommy rolls his eyes. “i love you, too, evan. in case you doubted it.”

“never could doubt it.” buck leans down and presses a kiss to tommy’s cheek and then to his lips buts it’s just light. he doesn’t want to push while tommy is still connected to machines.

“you know you could home and sleep—“

“don’t even fucking think about it, kinard.” buck settles back into the chair, hand still gripping tommy’s tightly.

“of course. wouldn’t even suggest it.”

rip i didn’t mean to write a whole thing.

[kamurawaffles5684]

Kalnick dynamics/hcs but with a bit of spice in the mix bc im tired of just keeping them in my head.

• Kal is very crafty when it comes to fixing Nick’s damages. Half of the time Kal uses her own hair or strands of tooth floss or thin string and a bent sewing needle to patch holes in Nick’s skin that can be easily fixed.

• Kal tends to have very clingy and emotional moments whenever things get passionate. She’s very sweet about it. She will just hold Nick for a while and pepper him with kisses until she feels tears burn her eyes. Because in her mind, Nick essentially saves her from becoming the villain of the whole commonwealth. So she feels like she can’t repay him enough even if he reassures her.

•the first time Nick’s arm popped off in battle Kal nearly had a breakdown because she thought it was her fault for grabbing his arm tight too many times while having an episode and was sobbing quite hard during it.

• Nick’s eyes change colors/brightness based on what error or emotion he’s experiencing.

• Kal loves to be praised. But she also loves giving praise. She will never let Nick not know that he’s absolutely adored by her.

• Nick gets very lonely whenever Kal is off out in the commonwealth without him. Both of them call each other if they can while one of them is away. They will also fall asleep on the phone line if it gets late enough. Kal falls asleep during calls with Nick a lot when she goes out to rid the commonwealth of Enclave soldiers.

• they are both tooth-rottingly sweet to each other regardless of it being romantic or not.

• Kal commonly sings Magnolia’s songs whenever she’s working. Nick sometimes joins in if he isn’t working on a case, but overall it’s just Kal that sings.

• Nick loves…and I mean LOVES it when Kal wears his trench coat. He may act annoyed but he loves that the scent of himself doesn’t bother her at all given how synthetic his skin is.

• even if Nick doesn’t have a genuine birthday because he is a synthetic copy of the pre-war Nick, he still sits down in his office and enjoys a small slice of coffee cake with Ellie on the day, as a way to honor the human Nick Valentine that made Nick Valentine who he is.

• Kal steals Nick’s cigarettes occasionally if she has a bad day or just wants to relax. She will always ask first, though.

• Kal has sustained several hickies/marks from Nick. Nick would have a few as well, but his skin doesn’t give him the ability to bruise or turn that bright of a shade.

• Nick can blush. But it’s just barely there. This is from his processors heating up enough that they physically darken the skin that touches it, but doesn’t burn it.

• Nick has lungs, albeit not as functional as human lungs. He doesn’t survive off oxygen, but it does help cool his internals if they get too hot. So smoking essentially warms his body if it gets too cold

• Kal loves to bury her face in Nick’s neck. Kissing, cuddling, hugging, you name it. Kal will always nestle her face between his shoulder and neck. The mix of latex skin, tobacco, old cologne and coffee is just comforting to her.

alr that’s all I got for now :3

[pastanest]

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @rosieathena - thanks so much!! ♡

Spencer Reid x gender neutral!reader

WARNING: mention of drugs...duh? also I’ve only smoked weed a couple times, so Im not sure how “accurate” this’ll be to the stoner stans out there

Reid Smoking Weed

- you only really brought it up as a joke on one of the many occasions Spencer curiously questioned your experience with weed

“Maybe you should smoke with me sometime and get your own answers to those questions, my opinion may be the complete opposite to yours!”

- needless to say, you werent prepared for his response

“Would that be ok with you?”

- you immediately recognised his fears, as well as your own anxiety at the thought of Spencer involving himself in drugs of any kind, considering his previous addiction issues

- but you also knew that Spencer had done every bit of research he could on weed, he knew it was only addictive in severe cases and that the limited damage caused to memory etc as a result of smoking weed is only relevant to habitual smoking. he knew what he was getting himself into, so what he was really asking was whether you would be ok with guiding him through his first, and most likely only time smoking weed

- you agreed, and the that evening the two of you headed back to your apartment after work

- he watched with intense eyes as you rolled a joint and lit it, before bringing it to your lips and taking a long drag of it

“It tastes a little weird, some say it tastes like cheese, others say it tastes like the way balloons smell and raisins, it’s kinda open to whatever you assosciate it with I guess.” You warned him, knowing he may not enjoy the taste at all, as it does take some getting used to

- you looked him in the eyes and he locked his gaze onto you, ready to fully absorb the instructions you were about to give him

“Try to copy exactly what Im about to do. This is your first joint, so dont inhale too much, just take it easy to start off with, we’ve got all night to get through the whole thing. You’re bound to cough, even more experienced smokers do, so dont be embarrassed about that. Are you ready?”

- he nodded wordlessly, and you took another hit, feeling his eyes on you the entire time as you inhaled only a little, held it, and then exhaled, before passing him the joint

- Spencer held it between his fingers curiously, examining it and taking the time to appreciate the fact that he was in fact holding a lit joint for the first time in his life

- it took him a few seconds to lift it to his lips, and you could tell he was hesitant, so you took ahold of his free hand to ease his nerves

- closing his eyes, he let the drug enter his system, only inhaling a little before he started coughing, but he did his best to hold it just as you had

- you patted his back and took the joint back from him, taking another hit yourself

“How was that?”

“Not as bad as I thought, you were right about the taste though...weird.”

“Do you want another hit?”

“I’d like to get the full experience of a weed-influenced high, so however many ‘hits’ I have to take, I suppose I’ll do.”

- with that, you passed the joint back to him and rolled yourself a fresh one

“Take that in your own time, we’ll see how long it takes to kick in and you’ll experience an enlightenment like no other.” You joked, but Spencer nodded excitedly, clearly so unaware of the real affects of weed that he would believe anything you said

- and so, you sat with Spencer, exchanging small pieces of conversation in between bringing your joints to your lips

- it didnt take long for you to notice it beginning to have an affect on both you and Spencer, so you stood up from the couch

“Im about to change your life.”

- Spencer watched you in a daze as you connected your phone to a bluetooth speaker and started playing some super chill music

- you swayed in time with the song, placing your phone down slowly and turning to Spencer, who had his eyes closed in an intense blink as he threw his head back

“I dont know what this song is but I looooove it.”

“Then dance with me, pretty boy!”

- you leant forward to grab Spencer’s hands, and he was quick to lamely place his joint back in his mouth just like you so that you could dance together

- and until the early hours of the morning, the two of you danced in what felt like slow motion, laughing at the dumbest shit imaginable long after you’d finished your joints

- at one point some of your hair fell to the wrong side of your face and Spencer lost it, he was in hysterics for 15 minutes straight, cackling with tears rolling down his cheeks as he laid on the floor

- naturally, the two of you ended up sky high, half naked and making out on the floor as the sun came up

“So, what was your first experience of weed like?”

“I think I have decided - though I cant be sure because Im still very much under the influence - that I will gladly ‘take hits’ with you anytime! But will we makeout every time?”

“Spence, we can makeout without weed, we’ve been dating for three years.”

“Oh yeah!”

[phobia-sweets]

Just thought of this:

All the Scarecrows you write for reacting to their trans S/O (who takes T injections) having just injected their/his leg, forgetting about it and while still sitting down laughing at a joke and slapping their thighs as a reaction. S/O then proceeds to yell out in pain because they/he accidentally slapped the spot they just injected, causing them to laugh even harder at their/his own misfortune

(Sorry if the ask is a bit long)

this took a bit long bc of the amount of characters and bc i was worried abt this being inaccurate bc i myself don't take t shots D:

Anyhow, this was fun to write!

Arkhamverse, BTAS, BTAA, DK Scarecrow x reader

Warnings & Notes: obv mentions of syringes, could be ooc in some parts bc im still a bit rusty, not proofread

ARKHAM ASYLUM

“I assume you won’t be needing help with that.” Jonathan stated quite matter-of-factly as he walked past you to his workstation. You hummed in response, gently flicking the needle to get any air bubbles out.

Sticking the needle in your thigh carefully and injecting the liquid, you watched Jonathan get to work – he was always so calm and calculated. Taking out the needle, you sighed in relief. You were taken aback by the sound of glass shattering, which made you turn towards the source of the noise – Jonathan’s work station. There, on the ground laid the remains of a glass bottle and a puddle of orange liquid. Jonathan’s irritation was evident in his… lack of an expression and tense posture. It wouldn’t have been funny if it weren’t for the second bottle falling onto the ground when he turned away. You put your other hand across your mouth to avoid laughing at the situation. Your other hand, however, landed a bit harder than necessary on your thigh, right on top of where the needle was injected.

“FUCK-” you yelled, making Jonathan turn to face you so quickly you’d think he’d get whiplash. The situation and his reaction just made you laugh even more and he practically ran to you to assess the damage. “No, Jonathan, It’s fine- I’m just-” You laughed, making him take a few steps behind.

“You really shouldn’t be so reckless with your medication-” He started, crossing his arms with a grin on his face.

“You really gonna go all doctor on me?” You laughed at him, holding onto his shoulder for balance.

“I’m afraid so.” He said, grinning.

ARKHAM KNIGHT

Gotham was in complete, utter chaos. Ever since Scarecrow announced his prescense and the Arkham Knight’s militia came to the city, everyone left – except for the people wanting to take advantage of the situation and the people trying to resolve the situation. People like the penguin, Mad hatter and even firefly were in the city, doing what they did best.

You had been just taking your t-shots when the comms rang – Nygma was trying to contact Jonathan. Putting the empty syringe on the table, you walked into his lab.

“Jonathan, you done yet? Nygma is uhh… trying to contact you.” You walked into his lab – it was pretty clean if you ignored the stray bottles and notes laying around. “Said it’s something about-”

“His plans do not concern me. He’s distracting batman – that’s all that matters right now with him.”

“Allright, I’ll make sure to tell him.” You chuckled at his irritation with Nygma and walked just outside the lab. You turned on the radio, hearing nygma mutter something about having to wait so long. “Nygma?”

“You?! I called scarecrow, not you!”

“Yeah, well, he isn’t available right now.” You sighed, already tired with him. “So leave a message or call later.” You could practically hear the smoke come out of his ears as he started,

“What could be so important he can’t answer to me?!”

“I don’t know, working? Making more toxin? Planning? There’s a lot of options, if I’m honest.” You laughed. Before he could respons, the connection cut. Did he break it in frustration? Did he cut the connection? Whatever the case, you found it funny. You started to quietly laugh at him, slapping your thigh. You shouted in pain, catching Jonathan’s attention in the lab. This only made you laugh more, and he came out.

“Are you allright?” He asked, voice emotionless as ever.

“Ye- yeah, just- give me a moment here.” You responded, laughing on the ground.

BTAS

“You’re sure you weren’t imagining it? You know, wouldn’t be too outrageous if one of them toxin canisters were leakin’..” You questioned Anthony, one of Jonathan’s goons doubtfully, with a slight smile on your face.

“No, no! I swear! I saw it with my own two eyes!” He tried, but you weren’t buying it.

“Batman has a kid fight for him? You really believe that?” You asked, unknowing that he did, indeed have a boy wonder fight by his side now. “I mean, I’d expect him to be against having some kid fight with him.”

“No, I saw a guy get his ass handed to him by that kid!” Nigel joined in.

“You what?” You asked, giggling a little. “You’re sure?”

“Yeah! He was maybe like this tall-” He started, holding up a hand at a height he claimed this boy wonder was at. “And the guy didn’t stand a chance!” You laughed at this, slapping your hand at your thigh, where you had a fresh injection site. You felt a sting in your thigh, and cursed in pain.

“OW, SHIT-” you yelled, standing up from your chair. Nigel and Anthony looked at you worriedly, which only made you laugh at the situation.

“What’s going on here?” Jonathan asked as he walked into the room.

“Boss- They just- yelled in pain and now-” Anthony started explaining as Jonathan looked down at you.

“I’m- I’m fine, I promise.” You laughedm looking up at Jonathan. “Just stings a bit” He furrowed his brows at this, concerned.

“We’ll uhh… leave them to you, boss,” Anthony said as he dragged nigel with him outside the room.

“...Did you hit the injection site?”

“Maybe.”

“I told you not to-”

“Well, I was livin’ in the moment, Doc.”

THE DARK KNIGHT TRILOGY

Jonathan’s lab wasn’t the best choice when it came to taking your shots. It was grimy, messy and… well, not very hygienic. Rust covered many of the metallic surfaces and chemical bottles littered the tables. Yet here you were listening to a radio, sticking a needle into your thigh. You’ve grown used to it – the sting of the liquid spreading wasn’t as bad as the soreness that came afterwards. The radio next to you hadn’t played any songs in a while – instead the hosts were having a conversation, which you had been listening to while waiting for Jonathan to come back. He had gone to fetch something – a specific chemical he needed.

Jonathan oepned the door to the lab, hearing you giggle at the radio. He didn’t pay too much attention to it until he heard a slap and an “OW, FUCK-” coming from you. He quickly walked so he could see you, hand resting on your thigh – presumably the spot you had slapped. He raised his eyebrow, until he noticed the discarded syringe next to you. He sighed, watching as you started laughing even more at your own misfortune. He said nothing, and went back to work with a smile.

BATMAN AUDIO ADVENTURES

Taking your testosterone wasn’t that scary – you’d gotten used to the needle with time. But whenever Jonathan insisted on doing it for you, it was a different story. He had this effect of making even the most innocent things seem atleast a bit unsettling – He prided himself in that. He grinned as he inserted the needle in your thigh without much of a warning, making you jump slightly at the sting.

“You know – you could warn me when you do that.”

“oopsie-daisy, seems I forgot - ” He laughed and pulled out the now empty needle, setting it aside. “but a little scare never killed anyone.”.

“I’m going to have to disagree with you there.” You responded, furrowing your brows at him.

“Now, when has anyoene ever died from a little fear?” He started, standing up proudly. “I would know, yes?”

“You’re goddamn annoying, you know that?” You smiled up at him. He laughed in response, grabbing his burlap mask and putting it on.

“Oh shoot, am I?” He jokingly asked, dramatically turning towards the door. “I’m afraid I just don’t believe that.”

“Oh you fucking-” You started, slapping your thigh and standing up. In that moment, you had completely forgotten about just having a needle in your thigh just moments ago. You felt a sharp pain in your thigh and yelled in pain – catching Jonathan off guard. You started laughing at your own pain and forgetfulness, to which he started giggling along.

[horseforeplay]

hi, is the long covid and basically what youve been talking about recently applies worldwide or its the us issue? i didnt see much about it in like disabled groups or in general in my country but now im concerned i mightve just not dig deep enough? are there any resources i can look into? youre welcomed to tell me to fuck off but also thank you in advance

hi! yes, c19 has gone endemic globally. i'm not sure what country you're in, but if you believe that covid is no longer a problem where you are, chances are that your government is deliberately minimizing a deadly disease. leaders want you to get back to work. disabled people are forced to shelter-in-place indefinitely (just like the rest of the world decided was a nightmare to do temporarily). if you look around and only see maskless people, it may be easy to conclude that no one is masking anymore because they don't have to. the reality is that high-risk people have been pushed even more deeply into the fringes as the virus is free to mutate and become more transmissible. even countries that had more effective shutdowns than the US are seeing an uptick in cases, though those numbers remain less steep. i hope you don't mind if i use this ask to say a lot of things.

here's one link: did u know the spanish flu was called the spanish flu because spain was neutral during WWI and therefore was the first country to break the news? it didn't originate in spain. it was all over europe. the allied powers did not want to "ruin wartime morale" by telling anyone living in those countries that a deadly virus was in their midst. we're in a surreal fucking situation, where the death count was alarming enough in the first year of c19 that governments were forced to react at first, but have now successfully propagandized the majority of the world into believing that it ended. it never ended. (and world leaders and billionaires know it -- they are still protecting themselves. nobody gets to meet joe biden without a PCR test. temporary air filtration systems get installed at high schools where he makes speeches, then taken down when he leaves.) it's not "like the flu" (though the flu kills and disables people every year!). there's no such thing as a "summer flu". it's not like a cold. it's now been able to mutate to look more like a cold (dominant variants no longer have the hallmark fever or even coughing symptoms), but it is a disease that attacks every system in the body. even a mild case can give you organ damage you won't know about until something goes wrong with your body. we are only in year three of this thing. we (and i mean everyone) are flying blind. we don't have any idea what people's life expectancies are going to look like down the line. certainly not for long covid patients.

regardless of pushes to "return to normal", it is becoming abundantly clear (right now, mostly only to those most greatly affected by c19) that there is nothing to go back to. we are puppeteering the limbs of a dead world. now that we understand how masks mitigate the spread of disease, why are nurses cheering and fucking clapping when we remove them again from hospitals? as climate change becomes worse and worse, we are staring down a world where we are meant to accept that the death of "some people" (see: other people) is inevitable. it is not. the preventative action that you take against c19 is preparing you wildfire smoke and the next virus the warming planet helps spread.

resources? resources. here is a great political breakdown of what is happening, called let them eat plague. good reading if you consider yourself a communist or would like to be one. here, too, is an archived version of an atlantic article on what CE/MFS looks like (one of the long covid health outcomes i am living with).

most of my resources center on US handling of the pandemic, but eugenic capitalism is a global problem. unfortunately, i'm not a great collector of links to things i've read even under the best of circumstances. it's just not a strong suit. adding this to the reality that i have been close to bed-bound by long covid for the last three weeks, and i'm just not gonna transform into a great link guy. i'm sorry about this. there are covid activists who are much better at sharing external resources than i am, but we are in the phase of c19 now where most of the people organizing right now are also sick themselves. so, many of them have a tendency to disappear, or struggle to keep pages up-to-date. some key phrases i might search for on social media for local groups might be "covid aware" or "covid safe", to see if something for your location pops up. i know there are groups in the netherlands, ireland, and australia pushing for covid education and a better world for those disabled by the pandemic.

i think many people are having difficulty understanding how many people have died of c19. for scale, an accepted figure for total global AIDS deaths (as of 2017) is 940,000. that's just under a million. it would be a whole hell of a lot more if not for continuous direct political action (thank you ACT UP), but people (especially in sub-saharan africa) continue to die today. C19 deaths in 2020 alone were at three million. in 2023 we are at over 6.9 million. the crisis never fucking ended. that is over 6.9 million deaths, and counting, in a "post-vaccine" world. (a vaccine is not a fucking cure).  i think part of what we are seeing right now is that the people who care the most are fucking shaken. most of us are just stunned. estimates show TEN MILLION people are living with long covid in the united states alone. TEN MILLION!!!! JUST IN THE STATES!

vaccines are not a cure. i will keep repeating this until somebody understands it. vaccines are not a cure. vaccines do not cure c19, no matter where you live in the world. vaccines are also becoming less and less accessible as the public "learns to live with" the virus. some people will never be eligible for vaccines. vaccines make many people living with long covid much sicker (as happened to me). i will continue advocating for vaccines, as i advocate for all precautionary measures (like nasal sprays which i am also allergic to since long covid can cause MCAS), but it needs to be said that many many people cannot access or safely use these measures. world governments would like you to believe that a high tech intervention (vaccines) have saved us from having to bother with uncomfortable low-tech measures (masking). resist this. i was double boosted and healthy when i had my first (and only, to my knowledge) covid infection in september of 2022. i am 27 years old and this virus has disabled me.

i was also masking frequently in public when i caught covid. masks are a bit like car seatbelts; it's a smart fucking idea, but you can still crash. this is an imperfect comparison, though, since then your seatbelt would also be protecting your passengers and other drivers. when the burden of masking falls only on vulnerable people, everybody gets fucked. one-way masking is safer than not masking, but it's not half as effective.

there is no known cure for long covid. that means that doctors will tell long covid patients that they do not know what is wrong with them at every turn, oftentimes disbelieving, minimizing, and recommending treatments (like exercise and weight loss) that can leave patients bed-bound or dead. any covid infection can become long covid, in any person, at any age, and your chances of developing long covid INCREASE EXPONENTIALLY with each infection --building immunity with repeat infections is an insidious and deadly myth. covid infections compound. how many times are people expected to get this fucking virus?

when you are in public, the chances that you are either around a high-risk person or around someone who is in close contact with a high-risk person is almost 100%. break every goddamn transmission chain you possibly can.

invest in an N95 (or better) mask. here is a link to where i buy mine. governments should provide these, as well as free access to vaccines and testing sites and medicine for acute infections, but we are in the phase now where major pushes for activism are only barely getting their land legs while the majority covers their ears and goes on laughing and drinking and dancing. be there when the screams get loud enough. add your voice, help the day come sooner, so less children get long covid at school and less friends get heart attacks at 30 and less grandparents disappear and lovers you used to enjoy dining with lose their sense of smell and taste forever. there will be greater collective action as this moves closer to home for more people. but in the meantime.

live compassionately. as the world moves on, we need people everywhere to start fighting back. take action for people who can't (cuz people who should be in bed resting or processing all this fucking grief are being forced to act and can feel very alone).

this is one ask and i will probably post more later but tumblr dot com is just not my primary outlet for activism or expression lol. i have mainly used this page to vent a few times because i am quite literally trapped in my house unable to work. but it's my silly blog where i go to be silly. i hope any of this was helpful to you or anybody reading.

[sunflowerseraph]

hi i haven't watched moon knight but i've watched video essays on it so i know a bit, who's ur favorite character and what are ur headcanons for them?

Ok apologies in advance bc im super dizzy writing this :D but Ohhh my god absolutely its Jake Lockley. Comics and show. Ok well in the show he doesnt have much screentime BUT it doesn't mean theres not subtle jake moments and like teases to him existing. I have assloads of jake hcs (he likes cats, hes fond of sharks, and astronomy, and he wears gloves all the time to help with his sensory issues) but i think he has soooo many roles in the MK sys! Hes a gatekeeper, a memory/trauma holder, a physical protector (occasionally dabbles in emotional protecting, like a romantic/sexual protector!) I think he frequently goes nonverbal (autism creature♡)!! I think hes a Guardian too, but in the case of rangling Khonshu (or any other "persecutor type") ! I have so many hcs abt what roles he fills and the extent of them 🧍 i love intersys relations♡♡ he has little rituals that he takes on when he gets time to front. He enjoys a nice cup of coffee at Genas diner, and he will occasionally smoke a cigarette or two despite stevens protests.(Genas been trying to get him to quit, started giving him lollipops and hard candies cause the smoking is probably from some oral fixation.)

Hes really social! But hes still got the anxiety that comes with being social. He has to be for his taxi driving anyways! I feel like hes got a social mask to interact with people he drives around n stuff, when he needs info, etc. But he doesnt like to meet new people? Like, he has friends already, and the idea of making connections is nerve wracking (thats Stevens job, hes good at external connections! Esp comic steven, since he literally makes all their friends for the most part. Like he and jake make the friends and marc is stubborn♡)

[Tw for trauma ment, abuse, etc! Skip to the next colored line for not that :D]

Jake insys looks different than the body out of sys sometimes too! He holds a physical manifestation of previous injuries/trauma. He and Marc share certain scars or marks from their merc/military days, and in the case of the show, from physical trauma growing up with their mom. Steven tends not to have those marks/scars! Marc definitely has some, but not to the extent as Jake. Since jake is a gatekeeper/memory holder, he would have more scars or marks representing certain memories or traumas that they experienced, even if Marc doesnt, bc Marc doesnt get all the memories. Steven gets like None at all, so he wouldnt really have those markings. Jake might carry some chronic pain stuff (symptom holder) too? Speaking from experience, abuse like that can lead to nerve damage/chronic pain, so it would make sense he would experience it.

[ Ok, end of tw section]

I think Jakes music taste varies too! He usually just listens to the radio in his cab, so he doesnt have a Set Big Preference. He does love Luis Miguel tho. Steven likes reading ,but im sure he enjoys music! Probably nothing too Hardcore, softer music, or maybe even oldies. I think Marc would like music like Pink Floyd, Zeppelin, def leppard, acdc, hozier, Imagine dragons, Muse idk i have lists and playlists but thats not the point here. Jake likes Doja Cat.

He also loves cats just in general, black cats especially. Marc prefers dogs, and Steven (obviously) likes his fish!

Hes the shortest insys! God theres this funny art thing of the mk boys going Jake why are u so small, and jake replies with some shit about being like Wolverine. I think by @bicatperson ?? AS I WAS WRITING THIS I FOUND IT. Here.

EDIT: link didnt work here it is again hopefully?

Im trying to think of more things uhm. He ALWAYS tips Gena extra at the diner (They are sweet, theyre like two highschool sweethearts to me. She cares about his well being and he loves her boys like his own. ) speaking of, jake is So good with kids. Btw. I feel like hed definitely be a little caretaker !! He also loves Diatrice and calls her Dia or dee,or didi :) i also hate all the shit abt her not being "his kid" which just isnt fucking true. Sorry im not a fan of marlene for that shit.

Anyways. Jake is crucial to the mk sys in any universe in anyway possible in my brain ok. Hes kind and strong and doesnt shy from a fight. Hes wreckless at times but hes good at figuring things out. Hes got those streetsmarts. Hes also in love with his lawyer Matt Murdock.

[saiwasneverhere]

small rant that i want to put out about nari's family

im not gonna say names, but their roles, pronouns, sexuality and illness (physical or mental), and disabillity TW: Hallucinations, Addiction, Drugs, Mental Disorders, R*pe, Mental Hospital, War, Suicidal Ideation (crossed out suicide), Amputation, etc UNDER THE CUT <3

the father, he/they, demiromantic: a nicotine addict quitting by smoking herbs which soothe the throat and nose instead of crack, and other harmful substances. he has PTSD from past sexual assult, they lost the case, and the predatator had no charges pressed. he has hallucinations during stressful times in their everday life the mother, she/her, heterosexual, transgender: a soldier veteran, who is also a nicotine addict, but has been on a clean streak since she had Narinder (the first child), and has been in the mental hospital for three years, due to an explosion in Saudi Arabia which made her lose eyesight in her left eye, and 49% of her hearing in her left ear, while her right ear lost 56% of hearing, she has had eye surgery, which fixed her eyesight by 30% (the damage in her eye is 75%) narinder (the first child) he/him, bisexual: a suicidal boy, who is on a 13 day self-harm streak and he commited suicide by hanging himself on the 29th of June, the day after he turned 16 he has undiagnosed autism. he has had a history of panic and anxiety attacks, to which his parents responded inappropriately to. he has had an arranged marriage with a girl he knows and secretly adores the second child, they/them, demisexual: they have been diagnosed with inmobility, and due to an incident having to do with a knife, now suffer from amputation, and are soon to get their prosthetic hand the third child, she/they, lesbian and asexual: she has autism, and suffers with broken vocal chords, making it nearly impossible for them to talk. the baby of the family, he/him: no data of his immobility has been detected, nor his sexuality or preferred pronouns has been confirmed, but with the data the doctors gathered during the birthing, he was born with a leg missing, which might be from the error in the pregnancy, and due to her accidentally drinking a shot of alcohol, has a bit of fetal alcohol poisoning. still cute tho

[echowithpain]

Alright. I know this is like super fucking late but I can ✨explain✨:

I got sick 😘

ANYWAY IM LESS SICK NOW 💃 SO HERE WE GO!!!!

Before we get into the breakdown of the episode, one question that popped into my head that I never got to type out is "How are the body cams gonna work if they're in a fire?" I know it's been a bit since the 118 has responded to any 5 alarm fires and had to go inside, but were the cameras heat proof or fire resistant?? What if the footage got burned up or you couldn't see anything because the lenses got smoke damage? Even though they never acknowledged that possibility in the show (besides the "you break it you bought it" line)/the body cams might never come back, I just wanted to bring it up

Okay! Captain Asshole taking Buck "under his wing" was funny as fuck and I loved how uncomfortable Buck looked through the whole thing 🤣 Oliver Stark is one hell of an actor 🥰

Next, the male cheerleader being ass backwards storyline was actually great for Eddie. The kid as he's getting wheeled away telling his mom not to call his dad before passing out, and for the first thing he did when he woke up was ask for his dad 🥺🥺🥺 Eddie needed to see that. To see that even though the kid was saying he didn't want to see his dad, he didn't really mean it. Just like how Christopher acts like he doesn't want to talk to Eddie, he just doesn't know how to after what happened (also fuck that storyline last season wtf), and being with his grandparents isn't helping that either

For the Hen and Karen storyline: Fuck that councilwoman 🖕🤬🖕 (also fuck the writers) I'm glad they were able to fuck over the councilwoman and get Mara back, but can we please finally have a break from these kinds of storylines for the lesbian couple? First the cheating, then Karen not getting pregnant, losing Nia, having Denny meet his biological father behind their backs, and then losing Mara and getting their foster care license revoked. Please let it end.

You know what I wanna see more of? I think it was the FOMO episode in season 5 when someone stole Karen's purse that was in their car and was using Hen's credit card that was in it. They tracked down the person to a club and ended the night dancing. THE ENTIRE TIME THEY LOOK LIKE THEYRE HAVING A BALL!!!!

GIVE US MORE OF THE WIVES BEING FUN AND HAPPY GOD DAMMIT!!!!!!!! 😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤

*sigh*

Anyway moving on to the tiger storyline, OH MY GOD IT WAS SO CUTE!!!! 💖🐯💖🐯💖🐯💖 I don't know if it was the lighting or just because tigers are naturally beautiful, but all shots with the CGI tiger were really pretty! I wanted to pet it 🥰 especially when it was a cub 😭💖😭💖😭💖

Also real quick, why didn't Maddie tell the woman to move away from the bathroom door? I know she told her not to open it, but I'm talking about earlier when she was telling her how to stop the bleeding in her leg. Why not say "make sure you're as far away from the door as possible"? I know Maddie probably didn't know she was right up against it, but you'd think she'd say it anyway because in case first responders need to break it down, you don't wanna be in the way of that. -1 point I guess?

Now, I feel like I need to clarify this. When I said this I meant I accepted Gerrard's "apology" for talking shit about Hen with the councilwoman. He's still a bigoted racist misogynistic asshole as shown in the previous episodes and the golf scene. He hasn't done anything to attone for that, and the fact that he gets to be comfortable in an easy job with his man crush is unfair. I understand he switched jobs with Bobby so the 118 could have him back, but still, feels like he was let off easy. Kinda like how some people are ignoring the fact that T*mmy acted the same way because they think he's hot 🤮

-1 point for unfairness

.

.

.

Was that all? I think that's all. Oh wait, I loved Bobby and Athena going house hunting and Athena not liking any of the homes. I was a bit worried when we could clearly see Bobby wasn't on board with rebuilding the old house, but they quickly eased my mind when he sat her down and explained that the old house was for her and Michael and they agreed to build a new house together 🥰💖🥰💖🥰 Love them 💖

Also Maddie and Chim are still amazing and I need to see the 118 + co playing paintball with each other. Maybe they go to a place and everyone has fun and there's some humor only for something to happen to one of the other teams and they have to help. Idk, I'm not on the writing team, but I will say this: Athena, Eddie, and Chim need to be on a team and absolutely DOMINATE everyone. That is all. 💖

Episode Rating: 🐯7/10🐯

-1 point for Maddie not telling the woman to move away from the door (she could've told her earlier and the woman easily could've moved back to it when the tiger was trying to get in), -1 point for Gerrard getting off easy and being comfortable in a job he likes, and -1 point for vibes. Idk man but something's keeping me from rating this an 8/10. I can't figure it out now cause again, still sick, but once I do I'll come back and yell it into existence lol

I'd say I'm excited for the next episode (I mean, I am), but I'm worried about what might happen to Denny 🥺

Guess I'll find out in a few hours 🤪

Thanks for reading and I'll see y'all for my liveblogging 😘✌️✨

[softpinkyandereee]

𝐌𝐀𝐃𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐁𝐀𝐓 𝐈𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐘𝐏𝐄 𝐎𝐅 (𝐌𝐲 𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐧):

THIS VERSION IS ONLY THE MAIN 4: Hank,Sanford,Deimos and 2BDamned

HANK:

𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗺𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝘁 𝗛𝗮𝗻𝗸:

-Hank would be an extremely jealous lover he would definitely spy on you every time that he cans

-Hank wouldn't be that affectionate at first but he would sure try to show you some love in the future in his own way. (Later on he could become more affecionate towards you.)

-Everytime Hank is busy he would ask Doc a favor (taking care of you meanwhile Hank is on his mission.)

-If someone hurts you Hank would inmediately snap towards the person hurting you and then would kill the person with his skills in combat or his old reliable katana.(The corpse of the person being killed could be a gift from him to you.)

-Hank would also be pretty possesive and constanly reminding you that you're his and only his

-Hank can't kiss because of his metal jaw but he would try and let you kiss him

-Hank would be softer and kinder than with anyone else (only with you)

-Hank would definitely call you "baby girl/boy","baby "or" my love"

-Hank would be one of those persons who could give their life for you,even if you don't notice it he loves you a lot and thinks that all this jealousy and possesiveness thing is for your own good.

-Hank would also show you that he is not the monster everyone wants you to think he is

SANFORD:

-He is more affectionate than Hank,he would love to kiss you every time he can

-He would do his best to make you comfortable and feel loved by him

-Sanford would act like a gentlemen with you,sometimes he could even gives you gifts or take you to a luxurious restaurant

-If someone is hurting you then Sanford would hurt them back with his hook

-Sanford would love you a lot and it will be sure for you to know that because is more obvious

-Sanford would love when you wear fancy clothing like a smoking or a red dress in case your female

-Sanford would be kinda horny sometimes

-He could also die for you

-Sanford would be the one that writes you poems and gives you flowers on Valentine's Day

-Sanford would also dedicate you a pretty cute love song or some shit like that

-He would absolutely love when you're alone with him

-Sanford could call you names like:"babe","lovely","honey","sweetie",etc..

DEIMOS:

-Deimos would be also very possesive like Hank but not obsessive like him.

-He is the type of men that has bad memory and dosen't remembers his aniversary with you or when he first met you.

-Deimos would make you a serenade with some mariachi singing about how much he loves you at full volume and out loud.

-He would be possesive,a bit jealous but still pretty chill.

-He would also leave you flowers or love letters at your door.

-Deimos would be even flirtier to you than before and would absolutely try to make you blush or smile.

-A smile from you to him is the most precious shit he can have from you.

-After a mission he would definitely shout:"Honey,im home!" and then give you a kiss.

-If someone is hurting you he would insult the person with cuss words and damage his body with punches,kicks or even his gun.

-Deimos' mouth taste like cigarettes (canon,because he smokes.)

-Deimos would definitely call you: "Mi amor","Sweetheart","Cutie" or something similar.

2BDAMNED:

-2B isn't that affectionate but he dosen't seem to care that much if you hug him,kiss him or something similar.

-He would be the one who takes care of you when you're sick and maybe also heal you.

-He is similar to a father figure: (he is protective,possesive,a bit bossy but at the same time still kind,loving and empathic.)

-Everything he makes for you he does it with all his effort and love.

-2BDamned would call you "cutie","sweetheart","my love" and "sweetie".

-2B isn't as obsessive as Hank either but he is sure kinda possesive.

-He would be the one who takes care of you everytime he can.

-2B would love cuddling and would also love sleeping with you.

-2B loves snuggling you and you snuggling him.

-2B is the one who loves you just the way you are and respects you in every single way,no matter what,he will always love you and only you.

-2B would study you in order to know your favorite stuff and know more about you.

That's all :>,I hope you have a nice day!

[cowes]

Ordeal By Innocence anon again, for real, I love to hear your thoughts: It does seem like every time Rachel does something she instantly has a lot of regret, with Hester, with confessing Kirsten's secret to Jack, she immediately regrets it, but the damage is still done you know. And yet she hates what she's done in the name of image, but she just can't quite let it go. And also, if Hester is 18 when the show starts... jesus christ that's so much to deal with at that age. And not to word vomit, but 4 episodes was not enough to sit with these guys. Like we see that Mickey has issues with self harm from such a young age. How did that start and where does that impulse come from. Like where did each of them come from, what are their backgrounds. I don't even know how to articulate everything. But you're right, Ella's performance is really sweet, but not exactly innocent, like that moment with the constable? I think in episode 2 where she smiles and acts friendly with him and then sends that look to Tina. And she's the one that is the most outwardly guilty, but also understanding? Like she understands why someone would snap, maybe better than any of them, for the depths of what Rachel did to her. And Mary digs at that and she's the one to get physical first in response. But then Mary is the one holding her when Rachel is murdered. And then her hiding the liquor in the bathroom, like is she a teenager, early twenty year old just hiding booze from her parents or did she develop a problem after everything that happened. And also that scene after Philip assaults her like smoking under the tree and physically trying to erase what happened... man I could go on and on

hey bestieee. (laughing at 'ordeal by innocence anon' as if i have any other anon) as usual u have it so right, this time about rachel. what a fascinating character. she loves kirsten so much that its actually a bit confusing that she just spills her deepest darkest secret in a moment of spite. and then begs for her forgiveness, scared and confused, when she's been hit on the head and is dying. (in a way that's very reminiscent of her panic attacks in the prepper bunker). also the existence of the prepper bunker is so interesting. jack said this:

You're such a gutless fraud, Mother. Smiling like there's nothing wrong. But you built a nuclear bunker in the cellar in case the bombs start falling, so I know you're terrified, I know you're a mess. Just admit it. Stop smiling. Stop pretending. And, in return, I'll stop.

and he has her completely right. i suspect that was the writers using jack as a mouthpiece.

as for the children's backgrounds. i remember this. mary was adopted first, quite young, but unknown background. jack was second, born from kirsten and leo. hester was third, unknown background. tina and mickey were adopted last, at the same time - seems like it was during ww2 bc of the gas mask boxes. mickey seems like he has a london accent (?) and its possible that they were just billeted at first but later adopted - but that's my speculation.

um - i hate to break this but this interview with ella says that she was 18 in the main timeline (c. summer 1956) but younger in flashbacks. (im pretty sure flashbacks begin summer 1953 and end with the murder on christmas eve 1954, which would make hester 15 - 16ish years old). it's all pretty yikes. personally i imagine her as older. because my brain cant handle all that. so "early twenty year old" - once again, u r sooooo right.

mickey is very quiet, but he has a lot of personality ur so right. and the self-harm thing i think i only really picked up on in rewatches. cut himself during childhood lessons with rachel, had to eat with a spoon at dinner because not trusted with a knife, cigarrette burns, has MULTIPLE knife tattoos?? bruh. theres a lot going on there, so much, but he isnt going to talk about it. i think he struggles a lot with self-image. the fact that he's kept his accent. the fact that mary suggests he try to seduce gwenda to stop the marriage.... it all suggests a certain image that certain members of the family (rachel, leo, mary) have of him that he possibly leans into for protection. but the self harm is.... yeah, lot to think about.

mary. oh mary. i love you mary. so cruel and insecure and tragic and petty. horrible husband. horrible life that she isnt happy with. i truly think that after the events of the story she could have been the most well off. rid of the terrible people in her life, new relationships with siblings, new sense of purpose. of course all that would come with crushing anxieties and trauma but we stay positive in this house!!!!

lastly, i just want to say that i never read the books and from what i gather from r/agathachristie is that they dont like this adaption. its okay. all of this extra, dark stuff is added by sarah phelps. ultimately i enjoy it but if we're speculating on why it exists in the story when none of it gets really properly examined, i think that it was added for edginess. that said, i think it was really really effective. i love worldbuilding, i love hints at deeper characters, i love using my imagination. the demons got me on this one.

[paperclipenthusiast]

march 18, mon

every google search tells me to call a crisis hotline. nobody else can hear me. it's a big planet to be alone on, especially when i know so many people don't realize that im up here by myself.

im beginning to think that maybe the world wasn't meant for me. im kind of just barely hanging onto the sounds that keep me alive. nobody's asking what my favorite songs are, so i think ill post them here.

• sleepyhead by passion pit, ive been waking up to this song every day for years. im endlessly thankful for the consistency.

• smoke damage by hi i'm case

• dear mccracken by bug hunter, i love bug. bug made growing up a lot easier. listening to his experiences somehow made everything easier. knowing that no matter how i feel, these experiences aren't isolated to me always felt... soothing.

• blue lips by regina spector

im not going to tag this or anything, it's not really meant for people to see unless they're searching, after all. im going to try to go shower now. i have work soon and i was asked to clean up. id been hoping that writing it down would make me feel better, but i was wrong. it kind of just made me feel apathetic, you know? accepting. can't never could and i never was really strong enough. this is inevitable.

awful.

maybe ill post again later. maybe ill post a suicide note worthy of reposting around on internet forums and laughing at. maybe someone will read it and reread it and try to get back to earth one day. i dunno. i don't even really care.

fond regards,

💫

[thoughtslikeocean]

March 3, 2024 5:07 PM

Back to vent. I know all of this won't be a big deal in the long run. But as we know all emtions need to be felt, vented and worked through as they say...

WHHYYYY did my mom go and call my dad and ask him for money to help with the repairs of the house. It really made me mad for multiple reasons.. 1. If and when I need it, I know how to ask myself. 2. This wasn't exactly the best timing to be asking my dad for money. 3. I already knew how he was going to feel about giving me lump sums of money without be having a secure income. 4. This is a project that my mom and I decided on. So to make decisions and expect someone else to financially pitched in when they had nothing to do with it is kind of insane.

I'm not mad at my dad for anything he said, im mad that the conversation even had to be had. It was unnecessary. Soooooo nowwww, I have to play damage control once again.

Starting with, I'll allow dad to help me pay for the engineer report but in that same conversation , I'm gonna let him know that any money I am in dire need of, I will let him know. If you get any requests from my mother, just say "okay, I'll talk to Kailey about it". My focus at this time isn't this house, it's getting licensed nationally so I can start working in my field. Once that happens, I can transition back to thinking about the home.

I don't think i'm going to tell my mom anything because I just don't think she'll have the depth to understand. She'll still low-key on a revenge plot over the years she's raised me and "all the money she put in". She still feels slighted. Hasn't let go. And in situations like these, this is where it tends to show it's head. It's not my job to help her through that. Just like it's really not my job to manage the expectations between the both of them. I'm however doing it in this case to make sure the relationships I have with them remain intact. I'm saving myself. Right now, that means letting dad know that what she call and says or asks for (as it relates to me), need to have conversation with me about it. It'll give me peace of my mind on his end.

As for her, I'm going to get the engineering report. And once it comes back with all the million things that need to be fixed. I will be letting her know that I can't do anything with the actual house until RE is up and running/I have better income than currently. If she decides that she wants to move forward, then she can continue to make all the decisions for the house.

So what's my next steps now that I've gotten that off my chest? One foot in front of the other. Crossing bridges when I get there.

Well for one. I'm gonna finish smoking this blunt.

-I'm going to put on some worship music and pray

-I'm going to lock up next door

-Then I'm going to go inside and clean my room and bathroom, and unload that box (Maybe throw in a load of laundry)

-Make some tea and plan your meals for this week (This might include you going to the grocery store tonight, just push through if so)

-Prepare for gym in the morning.

You got this Kailey. This is just a minor setback and you're in need of redirection. You know what's important. Set your eyes back on that.

Now lets get to it!

[controld3vil]

keepin’ it honest

pairing(s): Miguel O’Hara x spider!reader

synopsis: you were dead in his universe. but in yours, he wasn’t...

notes: im sorry i think i just like oscar isaac a lot. spiderverse was fun to watch though!! but lmk any ideas/requests you guys want for a continuation. inspired by too many nights - metro boomin & don toliver

You knew you were dead in his universe.

Every time he looked at you, Miguel would have a remorseful look on his face. It feels as though his heart shatters the moment he lays his eyes on you. And sometimes you could feel it. The way you sense his longing stare from afar. You can’t help but feel guilty for him. Even if you had no part in his world, that small fragment of your existence makes for it in heartbreak.

Jessica recruited you after one of the first few anomalies emerged. That night, the AI-generated by Lyla was monitoring the busy highways of Earth XXX. New York in your world was much darker, more grim. In clouds of thunder and everlasting rain, your city operated like an old junction train. It had a roughness to it. Everywhere you looked was shattered and torn apart. You could even notice the hot puffs of smoke in apartments. Every structure was distinct with its barred markings and wounds. It carries curiosity for outsiders. With its unpredictable weather and extended nights, numerous events could occur.

Dusk is where danger becomes alive. People were conscious of that. So when Lyla concluded her examination, Miguel and Jessica cautiously tried to locate their Spider counterpart.

You were skeptical of them. Your uncanny sixth sense never failed you. It’s so accurate that sometimes you hoped it was wrong. But in cases like these, you heeded your intuition. The concept of there being alternate versions of oneself, like Spiderwoman, is truly mind-blowing. In all of the same, you were all Spiderman. And there you stood in a back alley, introduced to a woman with a big afro, wearing a black and red suit. And a man with identical attire of dark blue and radiant red markings.

Through a great extent of compromise and explanation, you agreed to help them on their mission.

“When we’re done, you two have to go.” You recall saying with a look of agitation furrowed between your brows. Not that they could see your cold expression - you kept your mask on. But like all Spider men and women, they knew. Miguel and Jessica dart at each other and reluctantly nod, meeting your gaze. 

“In and out.” Spider-Man 2099 answers in a mellow fashion. You could sense something was on his mind. His thoughts scattered in an array of emotions. And you do not miss his last second glance at you before Jessica moved to exhibit a miniature hologram. 

The mission was finished a couple of hours later, three hours into the new morning. What you foresaw to happen quickly came and ended within minutes in your head. Because by four in the morning, the anamorphic creature had been sedated and taken in by an abundant amount of nets. Strings of bright red and white enveloped them. And as they struggled, the tighter the webs contracted. 

Luminous portal morphs behind you like the sunrise. It’s bright and colorful, similar to a coloring book in a children’s library. The altitude of rays glares against your webbed mask eyes. It takes a few seconds to readjust to the brightness as you blink continuously. It’s beautiful. Spiderman 2099 yanks the mindless anomaly across the floor toward the portal. His shoulders stag from fatigue and wounds. His partner took damage as well but heeds reluctantly. 

“We appreciate your help back there.” Spider-Man 2099 coughs not so subtly to catch your attention. “Without you, we would have had bigger things to deal with.”

“Sure,” You started, allowing some softness into your voice. “Helping you guys out is the least I could do.”

“You did more than help us out,” Jessica Drew swoops in, crossing her arms authoritatively. “You saved an entire universe. Your powers…” 

“How long ago did you say you were bitten?” Her male counterpart interrupts, flexing his shoulder perpendicular to you. Your Spider eyes arched upwards in a confused manner. 

“Why is that important?” You could feel the anticipation of what they wanted to request. Do you want to join us? Earth XXX always had its issues, the mistreatment of superheroes, alienated beings coming from outer space, and now alternative versions of Spider-people. New York XXX was your domain to rescue.

Most of your life, after you got bit, was already messy. You were weary. Your job slowly evolved to being a hassle. Every heist and bank robbery felt redundant and pointless. You felt like you were not changing the city for the better good. Although it seemed like an extraordinary possibility, you had a city to handle, a planet to protect. You were the few to endure numerous foreign and military raids. There was so much you would leave behind. You would leave Miguel behind, whom you have driven to protect since your debut as Spiderwoman. 

The other Spiderwoman glances at her partner in hesitation until he reciprocates with a nod. “Anomalies have become a huge problem for the last few months. It’s been tough to track them down since there aren't not many of us yet. But we could use all the help we can get. With your abilities, you won’t only be saving a couple of planets but the entire multiverse.” 

Spider-Man 2099 eyes down at you. You were in deep thought. He understands and has seen it all. Every Spider person he has met contemplates the same questions and morals. Should they risk it all and follow? What would happen to their world? Should they trust them? For some odd reason, he’s willing to be more understanding. Perhaps he feels strangely nostalgic whenever he looks at you. Because the more he stares, the more he feels a tinge of sorrow in his heart.

“I appreciate what you two are doing. But I’m afraid I can’t.” And just like that, his heart deflates pathetically like a balloon. “I’ve got a whole city to look out for. I can’t leave them behind.” 

Both of them sympathized with you. They were the same before assembling the Spider Society. 

“You won’t—“ 

“We understand. Thanks again for your help.” Just like that, he disregards you and pivots to leave. His response was brief with a hint of distraught. On the other hand, his partner shakes her head out of displeasure. Between the two, she was more in tune with her emotions with people.

Jessica offers you a painful grin. “Thank you for everything. Truly I mean it. And if you ever reconsider, always keep a sharp eye on us. We might come to visit sometime.” When the sun waked from its slumber, they were gone. The multicolor doorway was no longer there. Yet every fragment of their fight was still present.

Jessica had hoped to see you again. There was an underlying thread that told her you would join someday. You were a great fighter with capabilities that she and Miguel didn’t have. You were clever with your attacks. On top of that, you were standoffish and did terribly with jokes. For a short exchange, you became someone she dearly looked forward to. And if she didn’t know any better, Miguel’s too. 

Gwen was keen to get to know you. Why? With every waking hour in the Spider Society, she notices you. The cafeteria, in the peripherals of her conversation, and every other encounter with other Spider-people. You were there. In the corner of her eye, Gwen detects her sixth sense every time. It’s bizarre but something the teenager picks on. She’s curious about you and your presence. After months of training and going on missions, she becomes quite enamored in your existence as Spiderwoman. Seeing that not many female Spider individuals were reluctant to greet her, all Gwen had was Jessica.

Even with Jessica, her mentor and role model, she wants to be friends with you.

You were just you. It was a surprise that the mass majority were frightened of you. Your background was something that caused many eyes to divert. But Gwen did not mind their avoidant stares and hoped to learn more about you. People say Earth XXX was a disastrous universe with greater casualties than any other. And by assumption, people considered you a bold and terrifying warrior that endured more than you wanted. You’re broody like Miguel and don’t make conversation often. The only time you converse is for missions. In your line of position, you were unjust and tyrannical to most. But to her, you were a strong and dedicated leader. 

Gwen fears you. More so petrified if she ever finds you infuriated. There were always whispers and gossip about what you did to your victims on missions. Or forbid if one of the Spider-people violates a direct order. You would be livid to no end. Miguel acts on impulse, and so do you. People don’t know whether you would rip them apart or chuck them out of the building. Yet all the times she’s been to the Spider Society, she had never seen you angry. She thinks she’s not familiar yet to comprehend the nuances of your personality. 

After some time, Gwen confirms you do have a heart. It’s crude of people to believe you were raised and born to be this way. She recalls greeting you once. She was returning from another dimension and wanted to speak with Miguel. Her time at the Spider Society was short-lived. Yet she always made it her mission to catch you.

“You’re here to report back to Miguel?” Your soft-spoken voice almost startles her. It’s not as aggressive as she imagined it to be. Her pupils widened, mirroring back at yours. Your dark purple mask was on. The illuminating design compliments your entire suit. 

“Yeah! Uh, I just finished another mission,” the blonde nervously chuckles, already internally scolding at her behavior. It didn’t seem to bother you, more so you looked curious.  

“How’d it go?” She was almost frightened by how different you were from all the rumors. Your tough exterior was not always apparent, but it did exist. Gwen is impressed by your calm and composed demeanor.

She unconsciously rubs her neck, taking off her hood. “It went well! The anomaly wasn’t very complicated to track. I caught them in a jiffy.” 

“That’s… good to hear.” You expressed pondering what to say next. Casual conversation was never your thing. Moreover, interacting with others wasn’t your strongest pursuit. “I’m sure Miguel will be pleased.” 

Quickly the young teenager blows a raspberry. “Even if I did everything exactly as he told me, he’d still find a way to blame me.” Miguel was relentless and reticent. He’s extremely particular on missions since he constantly reminds everyone of the risks. Bargaining with the multiverse was treacherous. It concerned considerable unexplored opportunities and what-ifs. If someone did change a canon event, more anomalies would appear to wreck the universe.

You don’t laugh but hum in understanding. It was as if Gwen could discern your smile under your mask. “Uh, so what are you up to with Miguel?” 

“I have reports to give back.” You casually respond, dialing the area code. When the lights ensure green, the dark passageway unlocks. It’s eerie and has no source of light coming through it. A few times Gwen has gone through the hallway, shivers traveled down her spine. By now, she’s used to the benign deficiency of light. 

A few seconds passed by as you two walked down the hall. The only prominent sound came from the footsteps of your patted suits. A few beeps from computer monitors beam in the alertness of your presence. For a huge office, it lacked capacity. It’s quiet, the luminance of red rays flashing occasionally.

Miguel did not like bright lights, she’d assumed. Because anytime he would be present, little to no brightness came through the building. Even in the long dark hours, he hides in the shadows. In contrast, in the daytime, her leader rarely leaves his office. What catches her eyes is his suit. The red blood linings blaze dangerously. With his mask off, he stands in a rigid position. He’s organizing something on his computer, a report likely.

“Report 82B Lyla,” you command the AI to pull up a document. Gwen is slightly behind you, crossing her arms patiently. 

“Gladly.” The auto-generated woman winks at you and waves at the teenager. A yellow screen that the blonde presumes is the data script next to you. You start typing away, already slowly melding into the backdrop.  The young Spider can hear murmuring coming from Miguel as he concludes his last paragraph on the monitor. The screen suddenly fades, and Lyla appears back at his side, reorganizing everything per his request.  

“Gwen,” he starts before his eyes flicker to you typing. You glance at him before reading over the information on the digital file. He stretches his arms tiredly. “What’s your status?”

“Doing great sir!” She tries to reply jokingly but then coughs out of embarrassment. “The anomaly capture was successful.” 

“And the casualties?” Her boss draws up her file before skimming back at her anomaly report. Spiderman 2099 then walks back and forth as a way to focus. He reads what Jessica had remarked on her performance. 

“Little to none.” Gwen reaffirms with more emphasis. “He wasn’t difficult to track either. And I caught him easily.” Miguel hums and swipes away her profile. He nudged Lyla to show the screen recording video of the anomaly his associate managed to record of Gwen. The blonde teenager notices he gives her a satisfied look.

“You did good, kid.” With a yawning sigh, Miguel dismisses her before nodding back at his schedule. “You’re good to go. You’ll get notified when your next mission is.” Excitedly, the young Spider girl bounces with a hopeful grin. Even under the mask, you could sense her relief and satisfaction. “Oh, and next time stay hidden.”

“Sure thing!” The young teenager offers him an awkward thumbs-up before backing up to face you. You return her gesture with a little wave. Immediately the file you had in front of you was transferred to your leader. “I’ll see you around.”

The sound of rushed footsteps swiftly evaporates into the void behind. As mentioned, Miguel’s office is dim and gloomy. It was one of the few rooms where no one visited. But it was a great advantage as Gwen shuffles closely by the doorway. When the entrances shut, the lively ambiance she radiated gradually decays, and tranquility immerses. 

Your relationship with Miguel bothered her. Because, for the last three months, she has felt an unwanted feeling. She wasn’t sure if it was her intuition or her natural Spider senses tingling to be more wary whenever the two of you were in the room. It was typical for people to consider you and Miguel O’Hara were the same person from different universes. Maybe you were associates from one dimension and knew each other. Gwen did not know for sure. But through persistent questioning from Jessica, Hobie, and Pavitr, she became concerned that the two of you might be something more. Something more personal or private, there was an underlying truth that you came from a parallel background as Miguel. Everyone knew his story, but not many completely understood yours. 

Moreover, you scarcely mention your home universe. The most conversed with was the primary details of New York XXX. With its contaminated zones and corruption, your universe was horrific enough. Not once had you been keen to chat about life on Earth XXX, you were avoidant. However, Gwen gathered some details of your personal life. For example, you did part-time at Stark Tech and graduated with a master's degree in Biochemistry. She would have to thank Jessica for that part. 

But with no context, Gwen hypothesized something terrible happened to your planet similar to Miguels, if not worse. Did you have a family? You did not care to mention one. With such little information, all she could do was pester her friends. Because she truly wanted to get to know you. You, Spider-woman, the head of security and offensive danger of Neuve York.

So she attempts to attend to your conversation with Miguel O'Hara. If you two even had one, you both were born from the same pod of awkwardness. 

“Mission was successful.” You spoke without thinking. It felt automatic for you at this point. It has become a routine for you to report back to him daily. 

Lyla pulls up the report file in front of him. “And how did the new Peter do?” Miguel swipes from side to side and scans the content of what you have written.

Between the barricades, Gwen presumed you tightened against the discomfort felt in the room. “He did all right for his first mission,” She could almost imagine the lilac radiance from your suit against the scarcity of sunshine. “The guy’s new, what’d you expect?”

Miguel's face morphs into a scowl, evidently troubled. “I want your personal opinion,” he maintains forcefully, still not making eye contact with you. “Was he adequate for the job?”

Jessica made it a known truth that you were observant of many things. You had a knack for using your super hearing to take in intel and conversations particularly inclined to your line of work. Miguel’s comment about your prestige perception was a “particular asset” for their team. You were good at reading people because he always paired you with recruits. You knew what to say about their character and expertise.

“Like every other Peter, he’s fine,” You redirected your weight to your opposing leg out of irritation.

“Fine,”

“Great,”

“Come on guys! Lighten up the room here!” Lyla emerges on a more oversized screen, raising her arms in the air. “No offense.”

“Look, I just want you to stop giving me recruits for a while, okay?” Out of vexation, you crossed your arms. The grudge you had was beyond a minor nuisance. Not many saw it, including Gwen. 

You were aware of the unspoken friction between you and Miguel. It’s become a regular occurrence that reminds you so much of him. But this Miguel was different. What he was capable of and his background was separate. Yet with everything you had given him, Miguel could never look past it. He’s stubborn, something you could never shake off. Nonetheless, you knew you should not bring it up. But your patience was growing thin by the minute. 

It was the same dispute with Miguel. A suggestion would come up and be ignored by his eternal night schedule. It’s become a problem for you as you’ve continually sent messages to him in the past, stating your schedule change. Yet he never replied nor mentioned it in person. You did not have time to train recruits. You had other places to be. 

“Someone else can train them.”

“I think it would be better if you took them,” the brown-haired male sneers under his breath. His snarky remark does not bypass Gwen or your ears. “You’re in charge of security for a reason.”

“Head of security means I have more things to take care of,” Your wide arachnid pupils contracted in a sarcastic arch. “You’re holding me here.”

“So what if I am?” What was he getting at? Gwen did not understand what her boss was thinking. There was a quick pause until your padded feet strode forward. Your suit’s soft footing made a minimal sound that not even Gwen could hear. What she could concur was your jagged breathing. 

“What if you are..?”

“You’re the only person who knows Neuve York better than anyone else! I need you here for the time being,” Your leader whispers your name as if it was a last resort. He rarely calls you by your alias matter of fact, no one did. “Look, we have bigger things to deal with right now.” 

“Funny, you never mentioned these "things" before.” It sounded like a scornful blow. Because while you were one of the more skillful Spider-people, you rarely participated in group settings. You preferred to work alone or sometimes with another person. There was never an in-between with you. Perhaps it's the reason why Miguel was persistent in your mentoring.

“I want you to stay here all right!” Miguel snaps as he frustratedly pinches the bridge of his nose. A tense silence surged through the room. The walls tremble as though they were alive. With no one around, it feels like you were walking on edge with him, where the world revolved only around you and him. Empty and dull. In his domain and lab, Spider-man 2099 sulks and does not say another word. You ponder what he says, it's difficult to put together. You were disappointed in his loyalty and trust. However, you were also unhappy. A bizarre combination.

You realize the pitiful emotion of regret. Your heart cracks at the sound of his tremble of words. It seems like he said it for his benefit. It's complicated as it is to follow orders from Miguel. Regardless, you look back at his face. A fleeting flash in his eyes tells you of his remorse. His beating pulse from afar is rapid. The room suddenly feels hot, your hands clench together. 

The older Spider-Man grips his hair as a way to calm his nerves. “An anomaly breach has been spotted. Peter B confirmed it. And it should be me and Jessica’s responsibility to oversee it. So I need you here, in charge.”

It sounded like he was pleading, the teenager thinks. When has Miguel been this desperate in a situation? Everything she was hearing made Gwen reflect on everything you two discussed. The way you spoke to each other is distant and discomfiting. You particularly were stiff every time you saw him. And Miguel acted as though you were never there in the room. Like he was purposely ignoring your presence. Yet Miguel was never a person to plead for someone.

You inhaled slowly out of your nose. It is challenging to meet the gaze of your leader as you contemplate his comments. Above all else, you must prioritize what's at stake. Sudden breaches were serious threats. You consider Miguel's course of thinking. It was always he and Jessica to take over when things became chaotic. And it's you that comes last as a backup. It's the way and standard they have decided on. Your leader claims it's better to limit their troops before heading into danger. And Jessica can't help but agree. But you knew, still, you think of his personal feelings as well. Apart from every mission, you know Miguel's true intentions about you. The reason? The answer was as frank as it always has been.

But how insistent he has become and how sullen you felt afterward. With that, you stare up at the platform. “Fine.”

Gwen stops in confusion. This wasn’t the person she knew you as.

Lyla, who has been spectating in the background, observes her boss’s reaction. He seemed out of breath and tense. The very presence of you makes him uneasy. Even so, she could tell he wanted nothing more than to do what was best for Neuve York. If that means making you stay longer, you’d have no choice but to obey. And she wants the best for you. Lyla also hopes and pleads for you guys to reconcile someday.

“Are we done?” 

“Yeah… We’re done.” Miguel could his racing heart slow down. He pierces his lips together, his shoulder relaxing.

You hold a grim cast, swiftly turning to march toward the double doors. The atmosphere is heavy from the strained tension. Yet you stand your ground and continue out of the room, never sparing Miguel a glance. Reluctantly, the curly-haired man’s eyes soften in a moment of vulnerability. Your immediate departure left a bitter taste in the room. With no one else in the room, Miguel is finally alone. Again, in his thoughts, in darkness. His heart thumps steadily to know you're away from peril. Even if it meant you would be resentful of him, Miguel's content.

You vanish into the darkness. Your suit has a camouflage characteristic to it. Because you stray further from the doors, you can feel your whole body basking in the absence. And finally, you snatched your mask off in one swoop. With no eyes glaring back at you, your body trembles slightly. You didn’t realize how hot and sweaty you were at that moment. Like a breath of fresh air, you gasped full breaths continuously. Miguel could never see you without your mask. It was a secret in his presence, for his sake and yours. 

Out of a fearful situation, Gwen speechlessly heaves in astonishment. Unbeknownst, her hands and body shake. Her big discovery was making her head explode. How couldn’t she have known? You two hid it so well. She believed your dynamic was natural for your similar personalities. But the multiverse was more cruel than she thought. 

He cared for you.

The next morning, you were gone. Back onto your universe for a checkup. Because every so often, you receive information from Stark Tech or national news of Earth XXX's well-being. According to Stark, you may be considered reckless because you have an overextended work schedule. Your universe was a different problem. Your body and soul were born in this world. It holds a special spot in your heart.

You were not a full-time superhero. You occasionally helped Iron Man or Black Widow on scouting missions. Though you would say most of your work was predominantly independent. You relished in tranquility in what your jobs provided. Here is your small apartment in New York, where you did not have busy associates bugging you. 

Your city was quiet tonight. It brought you joy and ease. After Miguel’s little chat, you wanted to avoid the Spider Society. The heated conversation left a bad taste in your mouth. Now as you flee from Neuve York, you're welcomed to a more comfortable setting. The skies were majestic in your world. Its eternal darkness settles you back into your old life. The stars were out tonight but so tiny. And the honks of pedestrians frazzle your ears. A familiar tune plays outside of your dorm casually on the side of the building. In a world where terrible things happen, it's so peaceful tonight. 

Neuve York was never home to you. The people are indeed welcoming and sweet. But it's nowhere near how you feel with New York XXX. 

In opposition, Spider-Man 2099 commonly resides at Neuve York. After you decided to join the Spider Society, meeting Miguel became a usual thing. You learned many things about him. Such as his preference for food, whom he tolerates, and his story. Spider-man 2099 is a gruesome man with a tragic background. Disregarding your quarrels, Miguel was the one to recruit you. He was the same person who created the Spider Society and made Neuve York their main base. It was all thanks to him for your tremendous efforts.

Thus, when you walk inside your apartment, you try not to think about him. You flicked the light on and you relished in its comfort. It had been months since your last arrival. You had not felt relief in months due to your recruitment business. Apart from that, you occasionally did missions per Jessica's request. You were the head of security, many things had come up to you in the past year. All else aside, you weren't working right now. You were finally home. In a place where you could find solace. You stroll around, familiarizing yourself with the place. The decorations and furniture lead you back to old memories. Fresh and prepared to do anything. In your younger years, you would be ready for the worse. 

Eventually, you changed into pajamas. They were loose but comfortable. The sheer difference from your civilian wardrobe to your Spider suit is two completely different styles. But you weren't Spider-woman right now. You were just you. You were just a lonesome neighbor, wanting to eat.

You discovered there were leftovers in the fridge and reheated it. A random movie was playing that allowed your mind to rest. The concrete table you had in the kitchen had a beautiful set of gray colors. It's marble which compliments the cupboards next to them. You feel nostalgic thinking about it. When you first moved in, nothing in your apartment was the same. You had to renovate everything to satisfy your vision. And as it turned out, your kitchen was one of your accomplished projects.

You look back on the fond memories you had as a young adult. Now years later, your mind and thinking have matured. Many things have changed since you became Spiderwoman. Your life now was on a constant radar. And as you sit down on your couch with a bowl of rice and teriyaki steak, you sigh. Your life was not going to get easier. It would not get more difficult from here. The movie playing on your television catches your attention. A single line from the main character reminds you of what your uncle had once told you.

With great power comes great responsibility. 

The morning ran by rather quickly. You didn’t realize how much time had passed until your eyes slowly registered the fluffy covers on top of you. The natural illumination coming from your window displays next to you. You can see the small particles of dust in the air. The world is a blur for you for a moment. Until you awakened in your bed, the scent of vanilla and blueberries distinctly attracted your nose. Your legs slowly lifted themselves to the floor. You note that you don't remember showering or cleaning after yourself last night. You'd assumed you were carried straight to bed.

The sun was so bright and delightful outside. For once New York was not raining today on its cool morning. And rubbing your eyes, you casually walk toward the scent. “Morning,” You yawn clumsily, leaning towards the nearby counter. Unfortunately, you slipped and failed to catch the edge of the table.

Luckily a fast hand reaches out and holds onto your forearm. “Morning, mi amor.” 

You blink up and give your savior an adorable smile. “Morning.” In return, he laughs at your drowsiness. Your hair, most likely was a mess. And your face was probably droopy from sleepiness. Not to mention the sweat and dirt you endured from the previous mission. 

You were guilty. Even after returning home, you did not take the time to shower yet. “Sorry, I was exhausted yesterday.” 

“No need, amor,” your fiancé gives you a sympathetic look, squeezing your bicep, “I didn’t know you would come home so soon. I should’ve set up dinner for you.” 

“It's all right.” You wave a hand in reassurance before sitting on one of the stools. “I had some leftovers.” 

Your partner flips a pancake and grins. “Yes, I could tell.” There was an underlying teasing tone you sensed. “But don’t worry, that’s why I made you breakfast.” At the word, he places the last pancake on a white plate. Grabbing fresh blueberries from the sink behind, he sprinkles the rest onto the pancakes. Adorningly, you giggle at his gestures of courtesy. In casual clothes, he wears your cute little apron. It has little pink hearts on it. His stature looms over you easily as he leans in with a charming look. 

With the maple syrup in hand, you eagerly look at the pancake and then back to him. “Thank you, Miguel.”