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joejhang · 3 months ago

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fanon neil vs canon neil

god i am so FUCKING done with the aftg fandom mischaracterising neil i'm literally writing fucking ESSAYS about it and pacing circles muttering about it under my breath it's driving me up the goddamn wall so i am going to word vomit brain dump yap about all of it in an incoherent tumblr text post. spoilers ahead continue at ur own risk

i've said it before and i'll say it again I HATE FANON NEIL. istg this fandom LOVES to mischaracterise neil and ykw i think i know why. they take the smallest most unnoticeable parts of his personality and then exaggerate them to disproportionate and unrealistic levels in order for him to fit their idea of a conventional, stereotypical and desirable main character. they smooth out his jagged edges and prick at his "insecurities" to make him more likeable, more acceptable and more conventional of a narrator/main character and in doing so erase so fucking much of his personality and draw as a character that he loses just about all of the flavour that made me love him in canon. and also especially within the andreil dynamic this fucking fandom just loves to tweak neil's character until he's basically unrecognisable just so they can cram andreil into some preconceived socially acceptable clichéd ship dynamic. because andrew is perceived as the typical mysterious, moody and grumpy love interest therefore neil just has to be the sunshiney smiley blushing cute softboy in exchange. yeah because all gay ships have to be grumpy-sunshine and black cat-golden retriever dynamic. i raise you: andreil's dynamic doesn't work because of their differences it works because of their similarities. if u think about it andrew and neil are honestly very similar people in the way they think and process emotions and events and that's what allows them to connect and understand each other. andreil would not work if neil was super sunshiney and a blushy soft mess and andrew was the stoic, never smiling, unemotional stone of a guy the fandom loves to make them. just accept they do not fit into the conventional boxes laid out by booktok for what gay ships look like. i fucking digress.

neil is also just insanely mischaracterised on his own. people love making him very jittery and insanely oblivious and easily flustered with a generous serving of self-esteem issues. i hate to break it to you guys: neil josten is not insecure. i don't think there's a single instant in the series where neil is actually insecure about anything. as a narrator, person and character, neil is very realistic, pragmatic and logical. ruthlessly so. i'd say on this, neil is even more cerebral and unemotional than andrew is. neil is very straightforward and realistic abt himself in his narration and i'd honestly say his opinion and views about himself are one of the only things in the story that isn't affected by his narrator bias. if neil is anything, it's self-aware. i'm now going to present all my fucking evidence.

neil doesn't have a sexuality crisis. literally in the entire series never once does he even question his fucking sexuality. it's implied he's already figured out he's aspec/demisexual from the moment nicky questions him about his sexuality. neil says "i don't swing" and follows up in his narration: it wasn't quite the truth, but it was close enough. and later when he starts his relationship with andrew he doesn't ever question the nature of his feelings towards andrew or even anyone else and is pretty clear about it when andrew breaches the topic: "kissing you doesn't make me look at them any differently" so yeah neil is pretty certain and aware of his sexuality.

neil isn't insecure about his appearance. i feel like this is gonna require a bit of work to explain but hear me out. it is mentioned several times that neil has a complicated relationship with his appearance because he looks so much like his father/abuser. this is obviously understandable; you wouldn't want to look into the mirror and see the man who gave u all ur scars. that being said, neil doesn't have a lot of strong emotions regarding his appearance. most of his feelings of panic tied to when r*ko dyed back his hair is because of how it would be a lot easier for his father to discover him now that he has his original colouring back. i'm also pretty sure neil knows that he's cute. like it's never explicitly stated but i've reread aftg maybe fifty times and trust me i can read between the lines. neil explicitly says that he has a "love-hate relationship with his reflection out of necessity" and while the "hate" part of that statement is obvious: he doesn't like that he resembles his father, i've sort of just accepted that the "love" part of it is that he knows he's kinda fine. it's not brought up by him at all bc neil as a person is not one to linger on people's appearances almost at all. i think the only people to get a decent amount of lines dedicated to their appearance in the narration are allison and andrew. but yeah i genuinely don't think neil thinks he's ugly or unattractive and he's probably definitely been told how cute he is by others enough that he doesn't harbour any delusions about how he looks. regarding his scars, he never expresses any insecurity towards them and how they look, he just doesn't like them on display understandably bc of how acutely they point to his past and childhood that he's trying to hide.

neil is actually very very confident in his own and other people's abilties. this is esp regarding exy. he knows he's good at the game. like he knows. the most distinct example i can think of for this point is when kevin tells neil that he was at castle evermore to try out for the perfect court when they were younger. neil doesn't even doubt for a fucking second that he would've made it onto the perfect court. never does. he skips over the second-guessing and doubt part and just straight up starts daydreaming about the future he could've had playing with kevin and r*ko. like that really got me bc it's easy to assume neil would be super unassuming and have low self-esteem but no like neil doesn't doubt for a fucking second that he deserves to be perfect court. it's just that he doesn't believe in r*ko's delusions enough to play along with it by the time he gets the tattoo. he's also insanely confident about the foxes and their abilities and also kevin by the end of the series. at the beginning he takes a pretty realistic vantage point and says that with the way things are, the foxes will never beat the ravens. but even with that pov he still has the gall to challenge r*ko on LIVE TV and i doubt he's lying when he declares so boldly to everyone that if the foxes were united they'd be an unstoppable force (and guess what he was fucking RIGHT). and by the end, when the foxes are united, he has no more room left for doubt at all. some guy tells neil to kick the ravens' asses and neil just replies with zero hesitation "that's the plan". like he's so fucking on board with it. and he never once doubts that kevin is the best striker in the game. like literally never. at first he considers r*ko and kevin on par with each other (possibly, it's never stated outright) but by the end he literally has no doubts when he says "kevin is the best striker" like goddamn the amount of confidence neil has is so underrated.

neil is a very unemotional narrator. it actually gets me all the time how logical and ruthlessly pragmatic neil's narration and inner monologue is. some of the only strong emotions portrayed in neil's narration are anger, irritation and occasionally grief, which is only ever triggered by major trauma-inducing events (e.g. dr*ke). almost all of his inner monologue is analytical and observing others and dissecting either other people or the situation he's in. and almost all of his decisions and actions are made based on impulse and instinct. neil is a very instinctive person. this is outright stated in the way he plays exy; in theory, he can't give u a lot, but in the heat of the moment he's at his best. this applies to practically all facets of neil's life. he never plans his moves or what he's gonna say (except like that one time when he planned out what half-truth he was gonna tell andrew post-columbia). he's super quick and on the ball and literally does whatever the fuck he wants at any given moment. he's also insanely good at compartmentalising. like it's difficult to explain but while his priorities are obv hilariously skewed, they're also very clear in his mind. things he considers unimportant he simply just doesn't think about. what others look like and what they think of him don't factor into his internal monologue or his thoughts at all he literally just files them away in the back of his mind until they do end up becoming useful or important to him. he barely comments on andrew's appearance at all until andrew becomes someone worth staring at and admiring for him. the only reason he describes allison and renee in the detail that he does is because it's important in understanding how and why he reacts to them the way he does. this man was literally about to lose his goddamn mind at the fall banquet but he specifically reserved his mental breakdown for after the banquet so he could spend his time roasting the fuck out of r*ko. bro fully locked in and was like "clock riko now break down later" and i respect it.

neil doesn't actually have a martyr complex. it's funny because almost all of aftg is him being the absolute fucking opposite of a martyr. he wilfully sticks around the foxes knowing he's putting himself and them in danger. he doesn't "sacrifice" himself until he's absolutely forced to by his father's people. by then, he's already told himself he can't and won't run and he's smart enough to know he'll never get away anyway. and going to evermore wasn't about self-sacrifice or martyrdom it was about protecting andrew and those two are pretty fucking different. he knew he was coming back from evermore and he knew that he wouldn't die there, despite all the shit he went through, so i don't think that can be counted as "self-sacrifice". he was doing what he had to do to protect andrew, the same as andrew would've done for neil or aaron or kevin or anyone else he'd sworn to protect. the kidnapping in baltimore was the culmination of neil's character arc, which isn't really about learning to be selfless and self-sacrificing, it's about learning to stand his ground and stop running. those things r crucially different: neil not running in baltimore wasn't about selflessness, it was about courage. yes, part of it was obviously inspired by the foxes and motivated by not wanting them to be hurt but i truly believe it ultimately was about neil learning to stand his own ground and make his own home and have it be something he's willing to die for. call it whatever u want honestly i just don't think neil is as much of a martyr/sacrificial lamb as the fandom makes him out to be.

#zoe yaps #god there's a limit to how much i can write #we live in an economy #what the fuck #i'm so mad bro i have so much more to say #whatever y'all have to deal with this for now #take it or leave it this is the real neil josten i know him personally #save me canon neil save me #i hate fanon neil sm oh my days #STOP mischaracterising him for the love of god #aftg #all for the game #neil josten #andrew minyard #andreil

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nariism · 7 months ago

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to the ends of our world — i. rin

academic rivals to lovers + "i could kiss you right now!" + "we fell asleep by accident and woke up as a mess of tangled limbs."

synopsis. all rin said was that he would help you with calculus. he didn't think he'd be waking up to your morning breath and wishing the moment would last forever.

wc. 1.6k

notes. kind of a highschool au where rin is out for the season because of an injury 🙏 also kind of a one-sided rivalry because rin is a loser :p

— for @itoshiexx <3 | event masterlist ✉️

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

I could kiss you right now.

Those were the last words you spoke to Rin almost an hour ago.

He's agonizing over it, really. He probably should have at least said something back to you instead of shutting you out like he does every time he feels himself getting too close.

Instead he's dutifully working through his calculus notebook.

If he focuses enough on perfecting derivatives, he can ignore the way your presence beside him has only gotten weightier. But it's hard to do that when the words are still echoing in his mind.

I could kiss you right now.

You're just as adamant on finishing your workbook, eyes glued to the page and attention completely devoted to making numbers dance.

When you asked him earlier in the day if he could help you with the new sets, he was confused. You'd always been the one to best him.

It irritated him. You reminded him too much of his big brother.

But then he saw your notebook. You'd hesitantly handed it over to him when you showed up at his doorstep with courtesy snacks and a bag of oranges for his mother.

(Which she gushed about, by the way. He felt like burying himself in a hole when she asked if you were dating.)

You'd been trying for so long to figure out the solutions that some areas of the page were torn where you had kept erasing and redoing the work. He even found things scribbled out in frustration.

He would have laughed if you didn't have such a grim look on your face. Rin was never one for humour, anyways.

He reluctantly agreed to help, though he was sure your other grades would make up for one botched math unit. It was the petty pride in him speaking—in reality, the way you looked like you were on the verge of tears was enough to send him into fight or flight mode.

He had never seen such a dazed, stressed expression on you before. You were the epitome of a model student—good grades, class representative, and friendly enough that no one ever wanted to step on your toes.

No one but Rin, that is.

He told himself he hated you. Goody-two shoes. Smiley. Obliviously and annoyingly cheerful. Successful enough to do anything you wanted to do, so long as you had the drive.

Everything Rin would have been if he hadn't injured his knee right before the football season started.

But what he thought he felt about you was a lie. He hadn't even realized it until you were sitting down on his bed, knee bumping into him as you lounged there criss-crossed.

He'd always just seen you as the person who sat in front of him in homeroom. Untouchable. He envied you, even though his grades were nearly as good now that he had all the time in the world to study.

Now, though, you're just as human as he is.

Rin can see your face instead of the back of your head. Your words are meant for him—thanking him, praising how easy his method for solving these equations is.

Then, you shattered his daydream.

I could kiss you right now.

You said it so unseriously, not even looking at him when you did. You had gotten to the end of your third page of work, conquering the math with ease now that you understood it.

It was your funny way of expressing gratitude. He knows you didn't mean anything by it, definitely. But it's been stuck in his mind.

And neither of you have uttered a word to each other since.

He nearly jumps out of his skin when you slam your pencil down in your notebook and shut it with an audible thud.

"Break time!" You sigh blissfully, though he isn't sure if you're talking to him or yourself.

You flop back into his mattress and he just stares in quiet disbelief while you scroll through your phone like you fucking pay rent here.

Rin debates whether or not to kick you off his bed so that he can finish his homework without distraction, or if he should just leave you be. Ultimately, he decides that it's too much of a hassle to deal with confrontation and silently goes back to doing derivatives.

He would feel bad shoving you away when you finally started talking to him, after all. And you look so at ease now, with your work almost done.

(Yeah, you started working at a faster pace than him with his method. You seriously piss him off.)

He comes to the conclusion that this is going to be a one-time thing. Rin hates the twist of despair in his stomach seeing you about to burst into tears.

He hates the peace that fills him when you're back to your smiling self even more.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Rin wakes up to warmth.

Groggily, he blinks the sleep out of his eyes until they adjust to the light of sunrise pouring into his room.

It's strange. He doesn't remember falling asleep at all.

What was he doing last night? He shifts a little bit and freezes when he hears the crinkle of paper beneath him.

Oh, his calculus homework. Did he finish it? It's due today.

He's just about to sit himself up to check the time and hope he has at least another hour to sleep before school, when he realizes much too late that there's a weight on his arm.

Rin gets yanked back by the arm that's pinned down, yelping quietly in surprise.

And then everything hits him like a goddamn truck.

Maybe more like a freight train, really, because he feels like he's about to have a fucking heart attack. Rin dares to turn his head, so comically slow that it's like life itself moves in slow motion.

Somehow in your sleep, you've become a tangled mess of limbs.

His arm is tucked under your neck—the culprit for making him whelp like a child when he tried to sit up. Your legs are twisted together and... Oh god. His free hand is resting where your hip melts into your thigh.

Panic rises in his chest because one, he's never had another person in his bed before. Period. And two, because there's heat boiling in the pit of his stomach and he's pretty sure he's about to keel over and pass away.

Just as he's about to shove you off the bed, realization dawns on him.

You look so peaceful when you sleep.

Your breath smells, and your hair has gotten tangled under the weight of his arm. You're muttering to yourself quietly in your sleep, and he's pretty sure he can see a bit of drool in the corner of your lip.

He so desperately wishes that his first thought would be to tease you about this until the end of time. Or maybe use it as blackmail against you, if you were to get a higher grade on the upcoming calculus exam because of his methods.

But instead, his first thought is that he never wants to move from this position. That he needs to savour this moment.

It's horrifying.

18 hours ago, you pranced up to the side of Rin's desk and asked if he could help you with the problem set.

All he said was that he would help you with calculus.

He didn't expect you to show up at his door right after dinner. And he didn't expect you to seat yourself on his bed before he could offer you the chair at his desk.

He certainly didn't think he'd be waking up to your morning breath and wishing the moment would last forever.

You've just been a bag full of mysteries. Rin hates mysteries. It's part of the reason why math works for him—no surprises, no ambiguity. There's always an answer.

Rin can't formulate an answer on why his heart feels like it's about to burst out of his ribcage.

You shuffle in his arms and suddenly the pounding in his chest ceases.

Is this what death feels like?

"Rin?" You murmur sleepily, shifting into his warmth as if this is something regular classmates should be doing. "What time is it?"

"I can't see the clock," he deadpans, though it's just a facade to hide how utterly enamoured he is right now. "It's behind you."

You groan, rolling over to check the time. He breathes a sigh of relief as you pull away but it gets stuck in his throat when you collapse back into him, your back against his chest.

"6:07," you tell him nonchalantly. And then you cozy yourself up in the blankets again, nice and warm, and go back to sleep.

"Hey," he shakes you lightly. "Don't just go back to bed, moron."

"We can talk about the homework later," you mumble as if that's what he fucking meant.

A million words run through his mind, parading to the tip of his tongue where they all fall off and die. He can't find them when you're slotting yourself closer and closer in your sleep, squeezing his arm against your cheek.

Eventually, he decides that it's not worth the hassle of getting up and having you see his flustered face right now. You'd never let him live it down.

So he closes his eyes and pretends that you're not just the person who sits in front of him in homeroom. Goody-two shoes. Smiley. Obliviously and annoyingly cheerful.

"I could..."

He swallows loudly, the words like molasses in his throat.

I could kiss you right now.

You're dead to the world, but he doesn't dare speak the thought into existence, anyway.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

("Rin! 95%!"

You shove your paper into his face and he opens his mouth to snark back about it.

But then you leap forward and press a kiss to his cheek. Everything in his head instantly melts into mush.

"You're the best," you gush.

He just glowers at you with burning red cheeks.)

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motleyfam · 5 months ago

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Smudge

“I received another call from the boy’s school today.”

Bruce sighs heavily. “Is he still not eating?”

“According to his teacher, at lunch today Master Richard consumed six potato chips, discarded his sandwich and carrot sticks entirely, spent a few minutes attempting to balance the orange on the end of his nose, and then traded his cheese stick for a classmate’s novelty eraser—which I am told is shaped like a crocodile.”

It’s an alligator, actually. Dick can tell from the flatness of the creature’s snout. He’s holding it right now, flipping the little rubber animal over and over between his fingers as he sits perched on the very top of the bookcase in the hall outside Bruce’s study.

His new guardian lets out a low, bitter laugh. “Well, that’s three more chips than he had yesterday.”

Alfred’s tone is stern. “Master Bruce, need I remind you that the social worker will be paying us a visit this weekend?”

“And what exactly do you suggest I do, Alf? Tie the kid to a chair and force him to eat?”

“Certainly not,” Alfred says coolly. “But perhaps a little more involvement on your part might encourage your young charge to actually consume a full meal.”

Dick sets the alligator on his thumbnail and flips it into the air like a coin. It lands on his open palm, bottom-side up. He flips it again.

There’s more conversation in the study, but Dick lets the words wash over him, flipping the gator over and over between his fingers. He’s not trying to be difficult—really—it’s just that ever since that night at the circus, nothing tastes quite the same.

It’s fine though; he’s not that hungry anyway.

“Dick.”

The nine-year-old startles, suddenly aware that Bruce is standing below him. “What are you doing up there, chum.”

“Sitting,” Dick says simply. “Wanna see what I got?” He holds up the eraser.

“How about you come down and show me at the dinner table?” Bruce suggests. “Alfred made meatloaf.”

Dick makes a face. “I’d rather stay up here.”

“Why’s that?”

He shrugs. “I like being up high.”

“Hn.” Bruce hesitates a moment, mulling this one over. Then he places his hands behind him on the file cabinet and hoists himself up to sit cross-legged on top. “Let’s see the crocodile.”

“It’s an alligator,” Dick corrects, passing it to him.

“No, it’s an eraser,” Bruce says, turning it over in his fingers to examine each side. He rubs at the dark smudge where Dick tried to use it to erase a smiley face he’d doodled on his math sheet earlier. It hadn’t worked very well.

Dick rolls his eyes. “You sound like my dad.”

“Hn,” is all Bruce says.

Neither of them say anything for a while.

“...You like McDonalds?” Bruce finally asks.

Dick shrugs. “It’s alright.”

Bruce hums. He pushes off from the file cabinet, hopping down and reaching back up to take Dick’s hand.

“C’mon,” he says. “We can have Alfred’s meatloaf tomorrow.”

#drabble #wordcount: 500 #faster than the batmobile zine #food issues #grief #kid dick grayson #battison #batman fic #batfam

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snoopyearss · 10 months ago

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you right

eren x female!reader

TW: Blunt outing on skin. (He doesn’t do it to the reader, but he does it on himself)

description: your relationship with jean was fine until you meat his friend eren. now all you could think about was him.

inspired by “You Right” by Doja Cat.

i suggest playing the following songs for the full experience: You Right (Extended Version) - Doja Cat (makes obvious sense; play this song first or throughout the story.), Work - Rihanna, Sativa - Jhene Aiko, Slow Down - Chase Atlantic and I Was Never There - The weeknd. There’s no order for the other songs.

Disclaimer: I DONT CONDONE CHEATINGGG!!! I just really like this song and made this one shot on a whim.

.˚₊‧༉︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

ı𝕝ı.𝕝ı𝕝𝕝ı𝕝ı.ı𝕝𝕝ı.

ᴺᵒʷ ᵖˡᵃʸᶦⁿᵍ; [ 𝕐𝕠𝕦 ℝ𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 (𝔼𝕩𝕥𝕖𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕕) - 𝔻𝕠𝕛𝕒 ℂ𝕒𝕥 ]

𝟙:𝟘𝟟 ——◦———— -𝟜:𝟘𝟝

↠ⁿᵉˣᵗ ˢᵒⁿᵍ ↺ ʳᵉᵖᵉᵃᵗ ⊜ ᵖᵃᵘˢᵉ

ᴠᴏʟᴜᴍᴇ : ▮▮▮▮▮▮▯▯▯

How long have you thought about this? This sinful thought? You lost track. But if you could have a dollar for every time you thought about him, Bill Gates would look like a middle-class citizen.

You wanted him so badly, but you had a boyfriend, who happened to be one of his best friends.

When did this all start? The second your boyfriend Jean introduced you to the rest of his friends, you couldn’t stop thinking about him.

“I want you all to meet my girlfriend, Y/n. Y/n, these are my friends. The one I was telling you about.” Jean introduced the group and each of them introduced themselves after. Eren was the first to introduce himself. After he did, you tuned everyone else out. There was something about him that made him so intriguing.

His facial features.

His pretty sage eyes

The amorous gaze he gave off.

His piercings.

His voice.

Oh God, his voice. It was hypnotic. The way he said certain words had you weak in the knees.

His hair. It looked about shoulder length. It was easy to tell from the man-bun he styled it in. You never really found long hair on guys attractive, but with Him? You made an exception.

It was long enough to pull on when he’s-

You shook your head to erase the thought. And that was when it all began.

You met his friends three months ago, yet you found yourself lying awake in the bed you and Jean share, thinking about his best friend. Thinking about how he’d look on top of you, how he’d look underneath you, or in every position possible. You felt horrible. Who does that? But it wasn’t like Jean was innocent either. The other day you caught him making googly eyes at the new girl in your class. Mikasa was her name.

The difference between you and Jean was you’ve never really had a conversation with Eren. Jean talks to Mikasa every other day. People would think it bothers you, your partner talking to someone else, but Eren lived in your head rent-free, so you didn’t care.

You would pass by him in the hallways on your way to class and both of you would give a quick smile and a nod signaling “Hi.” You felt like you were in high school again. All giddy and smiley when your crush would give you the slightest bit of attention.

You always wondered if he felt the same way, but you’d be an idiot to ask, so you attempt to hide it in your face. However, something told you he knew already. Every time you and Jean’s friends hang out, it’s hard to look directly at him, and he could tell because he wouldn't look away.

All of you were eating at a diner when you made eye contact with Eren, he never dropped his gaze, it was intense. You tried focusing on something else when you accidentally tipped a cup over causing the drink to pour on the table, and drip onto the floor. “Shit.” You murmured.

“My soda!” Sasha whined. “We’ll get you another one.”

You reached out to grab a napkin, not realizing it was the last one, but it was too late because you looked up to see Eren grabbing it at the same time. Both of your hands touched.

It was like a vibration, or electricity shot up your arm and throughout your veins. The funny part about this is that neither one of you moved your hand.

“I-I’m sorry, were you gonna use this?” you asked.

“‘was gonna help you clean it.” He answered. He removed his hand from on top of yours, letting you have it to clean up the now sticky mess.

Now you wondered if anyone else caught onto what just happened.

That following Friday, you all went to a barcade for drinks and vintage games. You hopped out of Jean’s car and held hands with him as you guys walked into the arcade bar. “I’m totally gonna beat you in Mortal Kombat.” Jean snickered. “You wish!” You stuck your tongue out at him and joined the others who were playing games and drinking already.

“There you guys are! We were starting to worry.” Armin pulled you both in for a hug.

“C’mon Y/n, let’s go take a shot.” Ymir linked her arm in yours as we skipped to the bar. you both sat down and ordered two tequila shots. “So,” she started. You raised your eyebrows to tell her to keep going. “So?”

“What’s up with you and Eren huh?” She jabbed her elbow into the side of your rib. “Ok first, ow. And second, nothing? Why’d you ask?” You downed the shot before the bartender could even place it in front of you.

“Um, at the diner the other day? What was that?” She questioned. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh come on, Y/n. Don’t act dumb. I’ve seen that look before. That same look when you saw Jean for the first time.” You rolled your eyes.

“Nothing’s going on, Ymir. I promise you.”

“Alrighty then.” She shrugged and got up from her seat.

“Wait.” She turned to you.

“Did..anyone else notice? You know, what happened?”

“Not to my knowledge. But it’s ok. Your dirty little secret’s safe with me.” She winked and I scoffed. “Let's go play games.”

Another tequila shot later and you were feeling a bit tipsy. Your eyes met the motorcycle racing game and asked Ymir to race with you. “I’m gonna dust you.”

“Yeah, yeah.” you waved her off.

You walked toward the motorbike and climbed on it. It was hard to keep it in place since it was set up to lean from side to side to make turns. “Ugh! Stupid piece of shit. Stay…Still!” You cursed the machine.

You then felt a pair of hands on your waist to stabilize you on the bike. “Most of your weight needs to be here.” The voice said. You recognized that voice anywhere. It was Eren’s.

You look behind your shoulder to see him looking directly at you. This was the closest you two have ever been to each other's bodies. So close you were able to smell him. He smelt so good, if you weren’t drunk before, you might be now. It was intoxicating.

“Like this?” You looked back at him. He silently groaned before nodding and saying, “Mhm.”

Eren knew you wanted him. It was too obvious. He wanted you too, but you were his best friend's girl. However, he couldn't help the thought of seeing you underneath him, struggling to take all of him inside you.

He sees you in the halls before classes and the outfits you wear. Like one day, you wore a black mini-skirt and some thigh-high boots, it almost send him over the edge. How he’s able to keep his composure around you is unbelievable. And once he saw you bent over on the motorbike, looking back at him through your eyelashes, he almost folded right then and there.

You ended up winning the race against Ymir and smirked at her. But as soon as she walked up to you and whispered “But nothing’s going on between you and Eren right? You’re such a bad liar.” your smile dropped.

☆

The walls were an egg-white color, although it was hard to tell with the red LED lights illuminating them. It was a weird thing to pay attention to as you were gasping for air as Jean gripped your throat while pounding into you.

“You look so hot like this Y/n. God, you take me in so well.” He moaned. Your hand held onto his wrist as he continued, only picking up the pace. “D-don’t stop. Please.” You whined. Jean wasn’t bad at sex. Quite the opposite actually. Although he knew all of your spots, he never went down on you but he always asked for head, which wasn’t fair to you. Other than that, it was great, but you still wanted Eren. Just the sinful thought of it made you grow even wetter and clench around him.

“I felt you tighten up baby. You like how my dick feels, Huh?” He placed a hand on your hip only helping him to go harder and faster. “Oh fuck. Jean, I’m gonna-” You announced, your eyes threatening to roll back.

“Come for me.” And you did. Your hand slapped in front of your mouth, covering it. Jean thought it was so you won't be so loud, but it was to prevent you from screaming Eren’s name instead.

He cleaned you up, gave you a kiss on the forehead, and knocked out immediately after that.

You lay awake for an hour or so after your session with your boyfriend. Although he made you come, you were missing something, you weren’t sure what it was. Your mind trailed back to when you almost slipped up and moaned out Eren’s name instead of Jean’s.

Eren.

Everything about him made all the self-respect leave your body. You wanted him so bad. You began to imagine what he looks like shirtless. You remembered the day you went to go pick up Jean from work and conveniently, Eren was working that day too. They both work at an auto repair shop, it’s where you first met Jean; he helped change your oil.

You were waiting in the car for him, as Eren walked out and gave you a small wave. It took everything in you to prevent your eyes from widening and your jaw from dropping. He. Looked. Insanely delicious. He turned his back to you to talk to one of the other workers there. Even his back was pretty to look at.

Sweat was glistening on his back muscles, and on his grey tank top. His hair was in that messy bun you were crazy over. He grabbed his water bottle and took a swing of it, only for some droplets to trickle down his throat. You wanted to lick it.

You took that mental image, and imagine him running his hands up and down your body. Touching and stroking your body like you were a lump of clay, waiting to be molded. It drove you crazy. You were so aroused it started to hurt if you didn’t take care of it right away.

You slid one hand down, past your panties, and slowly rubbed your clit. You bit your lip to prevent yourself from making any noise, in fear of waking Jean up. The other hand grabbed your breast and played with the sensitive nipple. Your hips bucked a bit, signaling you to do more. You inserted a finger in and bit your lip a bit harder now.

You imagined how he would sound if it was his dick instead of your finger inside of you, how his moans would sound like. You remembered the time he stubbed his toe at Sasha’s new place, hitting his toe on one of the legs of the table. The sound that he made, should’ve been illegal. It was a groan that turned into a whimper. Although he was doing it out of sheer pain, he still sounded so pretty. You knew right then and there that his moans were to die for.

One finger turned into two, stretching you out and hitting that spot that leaves your legs having a mind of their own. “Fuck,” You whispered. This was so bad, this was your boyfriend's best friend you were thinking about. But the forbidden act only made your arousal grow.

Soon enough, it was hard to hold it in, and you let go, your fingers making a squelching sound from pumping them in and out of you so fast. Your slick poured out of you, onto your fingers, and a little bit on the sheets. You tried to regulate your breathing and clean up after yourself. After you did, you realized you were going to have so much trouble looking at Jean and Eren in the eye the next day.

The next day was Saturday, Ymir was throwing a party for her 21st birthday and us being her closest friends, were all invited. After getting ready, Sasha drove you, her, and your other friend, Annie to Ymir’s.

“I’m so excited about this party! Ymir’s parties are literally the best!” She exclaimed. “She always has the best booze.” Annie chimed in. You weren’t really present for the conversation. Your brain was stuck on if Eren was going, and what he was gonna wear.

“Y/n! Hello!” Annie waved her hand in front of your face, leaving you looking dazed. “Oh, What?” She and Sasha frowned. “You ok girl? You’ve been quiet the whole car ride!” Sasha asked. “Hmm? Oh! Yeah, I’m fine.” You smiled sheepishly. They shrugged it off. “Well, we’re here! Come on!”

We walked into the house, the music blasting through the speakers, and in each room of the house. “You guys made it!” Ymir smiled. “We wouldn’t miss it! Happy birthday!” I hugged her. “Thank you! Drinks are in the kitchen. You guys help yourselves!” She waved and walked to greet her girlfriend.

The three of you walked into the kitchen, only to be greeted by the rest of the group and, Eren.

He looked at you and you tried to focus your attention elsewhere. It was hard to though; especially with the way he was looking tonight. It really wasn’t anything special, just a black muscle tee, but it made his arms and chest look extremely toned. You were able to see his tattoos and his key necklace was visible. He wore grey sweatpants with white Nike ones. He still looked very scrumptious and you wanted a taste.

“Hey, guys! Historia made jungle juice. Want some?” Connie handed you and the two girls a cup. “Thanks. Where’s Jean?” You asked, getting ready to take a sip of the beverage. He and Reiner, another one of Jean’s friends, exchanged looks with each other. “Um…He…” Connie couldn’t finish his sentence.

ı𝕝ı.𝕝ı𝕝𝕝ı𝕝ı.ı𝕝𝕝ı.

ᴺᵒʷ ᵖˡᵃʸᶦⁿᵍ; [ 𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕜 - ℝ𝕚𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕒]

𝟙:𝟘𝟟 ——◦———— -𝟜:𝟘𝟝

↠ⁿᵉˣᵗ ˢᵒⁿᵍ ↺ ʳᵉᵖᵉᵃᵗ ⊜ ᵖᵃᵘˢᵉ

ᴠᴏʟᴜᴍᴇ : ▮▮▮▮▮▮▯▯▯

“He went upstairs with some dark-haired girl. I’m sorry Y/n.” Reiner tried reassuring you. Your eyes widened. “Oh.” That was all you could say. In your head, you weren’t sure if you were allowed to even feel angry, as you were already imagining doing things with another man. It made you frustrated.

No one spoke for a few seconds.

“Well, screw him. Come, let's go dance.” Sasha tried cheering you up. You lightly smiled at her and downed your drink then joined her on the dance floor. “Work” by Rihanna started to play, which made you feel a bit better. Sasha was behind you as you began moving your hips against her to the beat of the song.

Her hands met your waist and pressed you against hers as you started to wine on her. You look behind you to meet her gaze as you two smile and continued. Despite you two being in the middle of the dance floor, you could still feel someone’s eyes burning into your flesh. It was him.

He was sitting manspread with a couple of guys, smoking a blunt. If this isn’t the hottest thing you’ve ever seen, it might be time for prescription glasses. His eyelids were low, due to the effects of what he was smoking. For some reason, it made you more confident, so you turned to face Sasha and kept eye contact with her, as you wined down to the ground and back up.

You did this a few more times then turned back. You looked at him as you were grinding on Sasha, not breaking eye contact. Until Jean came down the stairs with Mikasa. Your heart sunk in your chest as you saw him dap up one of his friends. You knew what that meant. It made you sick. You felt extremely dizzy. “Hey, I’m gonna…I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” You told Sasha. “You want me to come with?” You shook your head no. “I’ll be ok. I’ll be back in a few.” You smiled and walked up the stairs. You entered the first door, which happened to be a bedroom with a bathroom in it. You walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

The song was still playing in the background as you gripped the sink and caught your breath a bit. You wanted to cry, but at the same time, you felt a bit relieved now that all bets are off. You didn’t feel as guilty thinking about Eren in such a way anymore. You turned on the faucet and flicked a bit of cold water on your face, not wanting to mess up your makeup, then used a paper towel to dap it dry.

You turned off the faucet and opened the door, only for him to be on the other side.

“E-Eren?” You were startled. Did he follow you up here?

“Hey.” That was all he said and walked passed you and closed the door then closed the toilet seat down and sit on it.

“Um, Hi? What are you doing?”

“Came up here to smoke. Too much noise in my head down there.” He shrugged and lit his blunt.

“Are you sure? Doesn’t really seem like it.” You said. “What makes you say that?”

“You coming up here, immediately after I come up here? Looks pretty suspicious.” You shrugged.

“Does it?” He looked up at you and you nodded. “You know what else looks suspicious?”

You raised your eyebrows signaling to go on. He took a hit of his blunt and blew. “What happened yesterday, and a few days before? Now that’s suspicious.” I frowned.

“You seem to have forgotten. Do you want me to remind you?” He stood up, slowly walking towards you. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Aw, don’t act coy, Y/n.” He cooed. You stepped back only to bump into the door. He was towering over you now. You were looking up at him with a slight need in your eyes. He smirked and took another hit.

“You know,” he started, the smoke leaving his mouth and his hands sliding up and down your hips.

“There was something about you that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. It was until the way you would stare at me, that I fully understood.”

“W-What do you mean?” Your voice was quiet, but he still caught it. “Come on Y/n. Are we playing the stupid game?” He teased.

“I’ve got the strangest feeling that you might want me, but you have a boyfriend, sweetheart.” He took one last hit of his blunt before outing it on his arm. You gasped and your eyes widened. He smirked and grabbed your cheeks to make your lips pout slightly. He blew the smoke into your mouth for you to inhale it all.

“Good girl.” He praised. “Exhale.” You did just that. He then placed his hand on the side of your face while the other one was placed against your lower back.

“You want me?” He asked, trapping you between the bathroom door and his body. You couldn’t look at him, his gaze was piercing. He took your chin in his fingers. “When someone’s speaking to you,” his other hand pulled you closer to him and tilted your face to force you to look at him. “You look at them. Understand?”

You whimpered in response.

“Speak.”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what baby?” He pushed you.

“Yes, I-I understand.”

“Smart girl. Now I’ll ask again. Do you want me? Despite being Jean-boy’s girlfriend?”

“Yes.”

“Huh. Wonder what he’ll think if I told him this.”

“Well, he’s not here right now. You know what he did.” You reminded him, as he was there when Reiner told you he was sleeping with someone else. “His loss.” He shrugged. Eren walked backward and sat back on the covered toilet seat then motioned you to walk towards him. “C’mere.”

You did what you were told and he tapped your thighs to signal you to sit in his lap. “There we go. Comfortable?” You nodded. “Good. Tilt your head to the side pretty girl.” You tilted your head and immediately he attached his lips to your neck. “Tell me,” he kissed up your neck to your jaw. “How long have you thought about doing this? Hm?”

“Mm. For so long.” you whimpered. “I’ve thought about this for so long.”

“Yeah?” Eren’s hands were drawing different patterns on your back as he continued to mark you. “What have you thought about? What kinds of thoughts kept you up at night?” You whined in response, seeing as it was too humiliating to go into depth. “I’m not gonna continue if you don’t tell me, sweet girl.”

Oh, fuck you.

“I’ve thought about-” you were stopped mid-moan as he found the sensitive part of your neck and began to suck on it harshly. “A-About you, having you all on top of me, and touching me all over my body. Fuck.” It was hard to speak since it was one, humiliating explaining your fantasies to him and two, the way he was destroying your neck.

Eren grabbed your hips and pushed them down so you could feel him. “Can you feel me? How hard you’re making me right now? Fuck, I feel it throbbing.” You could feel the pulse between your legs as you felt his dick pressed onto your clothed slit.

Your whines grew a little bit louder as you found yourself grinding down on his hardened dick. You could feel the slick start to dampen your panties. “Eren, please.” You gripped his hair and started to grind on him a bit faster this time. “Fuck, look at you.” He said as he gently pulled your head down to meet his lips.

They were incredibly soft and could taste/smell the weed on his lips. It was enough to get you high. You were struggling to kiss back as he used his hips to thrust upwards, grinding into you and moaning in your mouth. This went on for a few more minutes until you got frustrated and told him you wanted more.

He picked you up and placed you down on the counter. He kissed down your body until he was face level with your clothed cunt. He looks up at you with hungry, low-lidded eyes as he kisses the inner parts of your thighs, your dress riding up as he continued, kissing every part but the part you wanted him to touch. He was teasing you on purpose.

You were fidgeting on the counter, making all kinds of noise, moaning his name so he would get the message. He finally started to kiss your clothed cunt and the feeling made you jolt forward a bit, almost making you fall off the counter. “Woah, it’s ok. I’m not gonna let you fall.” He holds your hips in place.

“Damn girl, you’re acting like you’ve never been eaten out before.” He joked but when he looked up at you, you weren’t laughing. “Don’t tell me-”

“He’s never…done that to me before.” You looked off to the side. Eren scoffs. “I’m about to show you what you’ve been missing. Make sure you get a good grip.” He rips your panties and before you could react, his tongue was already connected to your clit and you both let out loud desperate moans. You were already wet from the dry-humping session you both just had, and it was having an effect on him. If his dick wasn’t hard then, it certainly is now. He took a few deep breaths to try to prevent him from coming right them.

He wraps his hands around your thighs and attaches his mouth to your cunt to start lapping you up. Your breath hitched in your throat since you weren’t used to this foreign feeling. His tongue makes different patterns and swirls on your clit while his mouth creates a suction effect.

“Oh shit,” Your eyes rolled to the back of your head and grabbed his now disheveled bun. Your entire body feels light like you were about to float up to the ceiling at any moment as he draws circles over your entrance and then flicks your clit. You grabbed ahold of the counter as tightly as you could, till you would see your knuckles turning white.

You opened your eyes and looked down to see him looking right at you the entire time. “Fuck.” you whimpered, the pleasure you were experiencing and the way he was looking at you was all too much but you would curse at yourself later if you didn’t get a chance to at least take a glimpse.

He unwrapped one of his hands off of your thigh and held your hand as the other arm wrapped around your hips, pulling you further into his mouth so you couldn’t escape his grasp as he tongue fucked you. Your breathing was totally uneven now. You were a moaning shaking mess before him. His name was the only thing you knew how to moan at this given moment.

You were wet. So wet, you could hear the wet sloppy noises coming from his mouth, and your cunt. It would’ve been embarrassing if you both weren’t so turned on. Eren ate you out with such purpose. Like he enjoyed it. That’s because he did. He loved seeing your eyes roll back and you moaning out his name with your legs shaking on either side of his face.

He then stops and stands up. “Get down and turn around.” You quickly hop down and turn around, Eren then unzips your dress and pulls it down enough to expose your breasts. Your nipples began to harden from how cold the bathroom was. He whispers “Fuck,” in response as he placed his hand in the middle of your back and pushed you down. “Bend over for me,” you bent over with no hesitation.

He was directly behind you, and although you can see his reflection in the mirror, you couldn’t really see his entire body. Just from the waist up. He took off his shirt, which exposed his abs and the rest of his tattoos. You were practically dripping at this point. He grabbed the tip and dragged it along your wet slit to coat him a bit.

Eren pumped himself a few times and groaned. “Look in the mirror,” he ran his hands up and down your back and hissed. “I’ve thought about you non-stop ever since I met you for the first time, you always had that look in your eye as if you wanted me,” He slowly put the tip in, watching it stretch your hole out a bit. You whined at the feeling. You’ve always loved being teased, even when it got frustrating at times, the anticipation is what makes it better.

“You feel this? You feel how I’m stretching you? Oh, fuck.” He pushed only the tip in a few times then slapped it on your clit. “You would look away first whenever we made eye contact, it was so cute. And now that I have you, I need to savor this.” He inserted himself halfway in, causing you to whine louder.

“Eren,” you pleaded. You were getting desperate now. “I know, baby.”

“It’s been months and neither of us made a move until now- fuck.” He moaned slowly pulling it out and then rubbing it on your clit, making you bite your lip and roll your eyes back. “‘Cause you chose to be loyal to him, but.” He pressed the tip to your entrance.

“A couple strokes when I put it in, you’ll belong to me.” He pushed himself all the way in this time. “O-oh my god! F-Fuck!” You cried out and gripped the counter. He continued this a few times, pulling all the way out then slamming back in, then he went at a steady but quick pace.

The louder you got the harder he fucked into you, his hips slamming against your ass making a slapping noise. He looked down to watch as your ass rippled with each hard thrust. Tears began to flood your eyes from the immense pleasure you were experiencing then fell because of how hard Eren was pounding into you.

“Every day, I get angry at myself because I didn’t meet you first.” He said through gritted teeth. “Could’ve used this pretty cunt before Jean could get a hold of you.” He grabbed your neck and lifted you up so his chest was pressed up against your back. “Look in the mirror,” He said in your ear. “Look in the mirror as I fuck you senseless.” Your mouth is open, panting like a bitch in heat from how good he was making you feel.

Your hips were pressed up against the counter and Eren moved up a bit more so you could feel him deeper. You couldn’t back away, you just had to take it, which made you grow wetter. Your head fell back on his shoulder as you moaned out his name some more, like it was the only name you knew, “Look at you baby,” He cooed and you slowly brought your head back up to look in the mirror.

“Look at how hard I'm fucking you. What would your boyfriend think about this, hm? If Jean walked in here, what would you do? Seeing his precious girlfriend getting fucked hard by his best friend. You think he’d watch us? Until we finished?” You whined at the thought of that actually happening. Thinking about it, you would probably keep going until you both finished. You started to clench around him. “Oh? You would like that. Messy bitch.” He grabbed your throat and squeezed it and he took his other hand to rub your clit at a fast pace.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck,” You chanted and wrapped your hand around the wrist that was slightly choking you. “Eren, I’m close-” He removed his hand from your clit and pulled out. “No, you’re not. Go lay on the bed,” He backed up enough for you to wobble to the bed and spanked your ass in the process. You lay down on your back as Eren got on top of you and pushed the tip back in. In this position he was able to pound deeper into you, it felt like he was in your guts. “Oh my god, Eren! You’re s-so deep. In my st-stomach.” You managed to force out. “Yeah? How does it feel?” His pace quickened up.

“It’s- I- I don’t know if I can take it. Fuck,” You cried out and your legs started to tremble. The pleasure was getting too intense for you to handle, how you did come yet is still surprising. A part of you wanted to release, but the other part of you wanted this to last. So you tried to make it last. “It’s ok, baby. You can take it. You’ve been such a good girl. Take it for me.” He only went in deeper. The tears from earlier continued to pour down your cheeks and the sides of your face, pooling by your ears.

Eren loved the sight that was in front of him. Your nose and cheeks were a slightly red tint from the crying and the pleasure you were receiving. The sounds that were omitted from your throat were like music to his ears, he wanted to hear them again and again. The faces you made, he paid close attention to what felt good, and what made you feel uncomfortable. The way your breasts bounced from the hard thrusts you were receiving, and the way your cunt was gripping him. He couldn’t focus on where to look.

“God, look at you. You’re so beautiful,” He started. “Almost makes me wish I could paint or something.” It was already working. Your thinking process was fuzzy and your brain felt like it was turning into mush. You weren’t speaking in complete sentences at this point. “Mm, feels so good Eren.” You slurred as you gripped the bed sheets beneath you. Eren got on his forearms to lean down and kiss you. He squeezed your cheeks like he did when he blew the smoke in your mouth, but this time he gave you a sloppy kiss. The sounds that came out of your mouth would've been embarrassing if you both weren't so turned on. One of his hands snaked down you rub your clit at a slow pace, which made it hard to keep up with, it caused you to get close. You started clenching around him.

“Eren,” You whined.

“Mm, I can feel you tightening up around me. Ready to come for me sweet girl?”

“Yes, please, please.” You chanted.

“Come on baby,” He kissed down your neck and used the same hand that rubbed your clit, to push down on your lower stomach, causing your body to immediately relax and take more of him inside you. “Come for me.” That was all it took.

“Eren, Eren, EREN! FUCK!” Your legs shook with such force as you screamed out his name multiple times. You tossed your head back in pleasure as your ejaculate gushed out of you and dampened the sheets below you and Eren’s lower stomach. Your hips attempting to buck if Eren hadn’t held them down. “Good girl, that’s it. Let it out for me.” He talked you through your orgasm, which only made it more intense for you. Your breathing pattern was all over the place. Your hands didn’t know where to hold on to; first the sheets, your hair, or Eren’s wrists. It was out of control.

“There you go, that’s my girl.” He purred as he pushed you further up the bed and fucked you through your orgasm then chasing his. He kept one hand on your hip and the other gripping the headboard to thrust into you. His thrusts were slow but deep to help you finish, then it got harder and faster. His pace was ruthless as his hips snap against yours with so much force that your head hits the headboard slightly with each thrust. “Oh god, ‘needed you so bad. You have no idea.” He moaned. His thrusts were so fast, that you tried getting him to slow down, but your voice was shot from the moaning previous. You weren’t able to let out proper moans, but Eren seemed to fuck them out of you.

“Oh shit, holy shit, Eren slow down I’m - Fuck!” You babble as you came all over him a second time. He looked down at you as you did. Watching your face contort in pleasure as your whimpers made their way down to his tip. “God, you’re killin’ me.”

The sight above you was something that needed to be in an art gallery. His bottom lip was puffy and pink from biting it so hard, and beads of sweat glistened on his chest and forehead. His hair was out of its usual bun and down along the sides of his face. His eyes were rolling back as well, which was one of the hottest things you’d ever seen.

“Eren,” You moaned out. “Hm?”

“Come inside me. Please. I wanna feel it.” You pleaded. He moaned in response.

“Yeah? You want me to come in this pretty cunt? You want me to breed you, baby? Wanna feel your cunt being filled up?” He looked down and smirked at you. You whimpered and nodded.

“Use your words, sweetheart.”

“Yes. I need it so badly. Please, please.” You ran your hands up and down his abs.

“Fuck, I’m- I’m gonna come -- Oh God -- I’m gonna fucking come baby, oh fuck!” Eren pushes his hips down into you until your head is pushed up against the headboard. You feel him in your guts as you feel his warm cum in you and all throughout your body. His breathing was uneven as he gripped your hip, digging his nails into the fatty flesh.

“Shit,” He cussed and lowered his head down to kiss you gentler than before. “You ok?”

“Mhm,” She hummed. “So tired.” He chuckled and pulled out.

As he did, Eren rolled over and pulled you into his arms. “Let’s sleep. We’ll deal with Jean tomorrow.” He kissed your forehead and put the covers over your naked body as you drifted to sleep.

#aot #eren yeager #eren jaeger #eren x reader #eren aot #eren smut #aot smut #aot x reader #snoopyearss #aot oneshots

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eekshade · 8 months ago

Text

hey!! sry for not writing anything for 5 months, school has been yucky, but im back!! i started with an alphabet bc it was an easy way to ease myself back into writing. also happy gay month 🫶

Bucky Barnes Fluff Alphabet

bucky barnes x m!reader

word count: 4.4k

warnings/info: letter J depicts a make out sesh ig, internalized homophobia is mentioned, Buck cries, use of you/your for reader but is said to be male, there are scenes after the hcs for a little bit but I gave up on that lol, made in my notes app so sry for any formatting issues, not proof read

A - Admiration. (what do they admire about their S/O?)

☆ Bucky loves your hands. He likes how "innocent" they are compared to his. He adores when you hold his hand, especially the vibranium one. It makes him feel all warm and soft inside. It causes his stomach to ache (in a loving way), and it makes him want to love himself.

The two of you are slowly making your way through the crowded farmer's market, somewhat resembling a can of sardines. You were walking in front of him, taking notice of a small clearing off to the side, grasping his metallic hand, pulling him behind you. He follows without question, a small smile pointed at your two interlocked hands.

Once stopped in the empty area, before you could even think of letting go of him, he pulled you into him, placing his cracked lips onto your own.

"You know I love you, right?"

"Of course I do."

He kisses you again.

B - Boldness. (how bold are they in regards to their S/O? who confessed first?)

☆ Bucky was a confident man in his youth, always the one making the first move. Ever since he started living in Brooklyn again, he started to notice the anxiety crawling up his throat whenever he interacted with others. This is why he wouldn't start talking to you, even if he's interested in you, so you would need to initiate the first few (dozen) conversations before he starts to feel comfortable around you. That being said, given that you've been talking as friends/acquaintances, he'll have no problem asking you out, it might just take me some time.

☆ Once in a relationship he is extremely bold, there are still some topics where he would be more hesitant to talk about (such as the full extent of his past), but when it comes to you he won't having any problem charmin' you like there’s no tomorrow.

Bucky lingers in front of your shared apartment building hoping to catch you on your way home after a day out, he nervously switches from leaning on a tree to sitting on a bench, then back to the tree. He only waits for about five or so minutes before he notices you walking on the pavement leading to the building, but after locking eyes with him, your course changes.

"Hey, Bucky!"

"y/n! I'm glad I caught you, can I walk you up?"

You simply smile and nod in the direction of the door. You smell like newly washed clothes, but to Bucky, it might as well be heaven. You break the silence by asking him about his day, he breifly responds, giving you some of the highlights, you two chit-chat for bit, not able to dive into much as the trip is rather short. By the time you two reach your door, he realizes that he longer can try to find the perfect segue so he might as well just go for it.

"...Well, thanks for walking with me." You smile at him, reaching for the door handle.

"Wait, y/n, I wanted to talk to you about something." You raise your eyebrows as a sort of permission for him to continue.

"I hope I wasn't misreading this, but would you like to get dinner together sometime?" His voice remains unwavering, with a sly smile dancing across his face.

You roll your eyes at his tone, but it's hard to hide the smile forming at the corners of your mouth,"I guess I don't see why not."

"Yeah, yeah," he snickers, "here." It's his number written on the back of receipt, a small smiley face had been drawn next to it, then erased.

"See you, Bucky."

"Bye, y/n."

C - Comfort. (how do they comfort their S/O?)

☆ Bucky is more of an advice guy than a comfort guy, this is due to him getting extremely awkward/uncomfortable during touchy, feely situations (and not because he doesn't know how to confront his own emotions!!). However, he does understand the need for warmth during hard times, he just opts to show it through acts of service instead.

Your thoughts thrash against the walls inside your head, the throbbing only getting worse as you slowly pull yourself out of his bed. Your face caked in sweat and dried tears, your bloodshot eyes drift to the phone resting upon the on of the nightstands, your unsteady hand grips the device, checking the time.

The late afternoon sun coats the walls in an irritable light, despite the curtains being mostly closed. You notice on the second nightstand that he left a glass of ice water (which was mostly melted now) and a note, which read:

"EVERYTHING NEEDED FOR A BATH IS ON THE BATHROOM COUNTER - ILL BE BACK WITH YOUR FAVORITE ASAP :)"

D - Dates. (do they prefer going out or staying in? do they prefer fancy or simple?)

☆ Bucky has a really hard time with this one. All he is used to are the classic dinner and a movie type dates, but in his heart, he likes the more intimate, at home, kind. Over time, he finds a sort of balance between the two, like a picnic at a drive-in movie.

"Bucky, where the hell are we?"

The two of you are currently driving down backroads you've never seen before. The road is slightly too narrow for anyone to get fully comfortable, the night sky darkening the path. Bucky has been relatively quiet, letting you do all the talking, and control the music; he never has liked modern music, but there's something special about when you play it.

"Well, if I tell you it's not really a surprise, is it?" He answered, turning his head to you slightly. The smile on his face is almost aggravating, if it had been anyone else's, you would've jumped out of the moving vehicle.

"You're not funny," you playfully roll your eyes, "if I didn't know you any better, I'd say you're trying to kill me." You pretend to study him as if trying to find a motive.

"Well, I can promise you I'm not doing that." The smile changes to softer, genuine.

The car is almost silent for the rest of the way, the soft music leading you two down the road. The car pulls into an unpaved parking lot, bringing you back to reality. You look around and see a white screen proudly standing twenty or so feet ahead of you, realizing what's going on, you turn to Bucky. A nervous grin shines back at you, he's holding a basket filled with dinner, and movie snacks.

"You like it?"

E - Equal. (are they more dominant or passive?)

☆ Due to Bucky growing up in the 40s, he does still have quite a bit of internalized homophobia. Therefore, he tends to try and be the stereotypical, manly, provider. He does unconsciously feminize you to make himself feel better, but the second he realizes, or you tell him, he'll do everything to stop, as well as profusely apologize.

☆ Other than that, I do see him as being in the middle. He can obviously take control when he needs to, but also because of his past, he loves when you take the pressure off, and take care of him.

(I can't think of a scene for this rn, and I rlly need to finish this so sry, if anyone want more about this just ask)

F - Family. (do they want to start a family?)

☆ Bucky loves kids, and is great with them, but he doesn't want to have his own, at least until he's stable. So for now he's okay with being the cool uncle.

After spending a lake day with the Wilsons, it was noticeable that Bucky wanted to say something. He looked uncomfortable, nervous even as he waited for everyone to finally call it a night. A little after the kids were put to bed, Sarah called it in, then Sam. You went to follow, seeing as it may be weird to stay up longer than the hosts, but Bucky ushered you to follow him to the back deck.

You sat on the stairs next to him in silence, waiting for him to speak, the warm air surrounding you two. He bit his lip and looked at you, studying you.

"I love you," He smiles at you, his tone signifying a second part of what he needs to say.

"But?" You laugh, nervousness now making its way into you.

"But I can't give you this." He has tears in his eyes, threatening to fall if he says anything else.

"What does that mean?" Confusion grips you tightly, his face giving nothing away.

"An apple pie life," he laughs at his own words, "I can't give you the house, and two kids, dinner by 6, it's all too much for that." He looks to the lake as if it could help him.

"Bucky," you gently take his chin, making him look at you, "what makes you think I want that?"

"The way you looked at me," he wipes a fallen tear from his cheek, "when I was playing with Cass and AJ today.

"Oh, Bucky." You kiss a tear away from the side of his nose, "I don't need any of that, hon. I just need you."

G - Goofy. (how serious are they when it comes to a relationship?)

☆ When it comes to a romantic relationship, Bucky can be pretty serious, while he is smooth/sly, 'goofy' isn't really the word I'd use to describe him. Not to say he wouldn't be funny, but I feel as though his humor is more sarcastic than anything.

(same thing as before)

H - Hugs. (how do they hug?)

☆ I imagine Bucky's skin to be cold, so that transfers to his hugs, but he's cold like a soft breeze on a hot beach. His hugs would also be very firm because of obvious reasons. If he's in an emotional mood, they may be slightly too hard, but never enough to hurt you.

You shiver slightly as his arms wrap around your frame, his head resting upon your shoulder. You two stay like that for a moment before he shifts his head into the crook of your neck, leaving a chaste kiss on it before planting his nose to touch your skin; eyelashes softly tickling you as he blinks.

"I miss you."

I - Interests. (what Interests do they want to share with their S/O?)

☆ Bucky's a fucking nerd, his main interests being motorcycles, fantasy novels (reading in general), folklore, and ancient history.

Bucky smiled widely as he firmly gripped some obscure fantasy novel with a dragon on the cover, unintentionally waving it around. He's excitedly explaining the novel to you, about how well written the book is, about how interesting the character dynamics are, and so on. You mirror his smile as you watch him talk, hanging on to every word that falls off his tongue.

You stand, your smile never wavering as you walk toward him, he stops talking, confused. Once you reach him, you pull him into your grasp, kissing his cheek, holding him close.

"What?" His voice lacking confidence, his smile now unsure.

"Keep talking." You mumble into him, "I like it when you talk." He grins and continues his rant.

J - Jealousy. (do they get jealous?)

☆ He can get jealous, this is do to his trust issues, but he's mature enough that he won't be a bitch about it unless you want him to, he'll just talk to you, and the two of you will work through it one way or another. He does get rather clingy when jealous, though, wanting to touch you in some way.

You and Bucky are currently at your workplace, your boss decided in order to boost morale that a company party was needed, and you (thankfully) convinced Bucky to go, promising it'll be quick.

Both of you were chatting with one of your work friends when they asked you to come help them get refreshments, leaving Bucky alone with their spouse. Bucky wanted to be nice, he did, but the spouse would not stop going on and on about some shit Bucky had never even heard of. So, naturally, his eyes wander trying to locate you, hoping that you'll come back and save him from this dreadful conversation, and that's when he saw it. Your co-worker was basically feeling you up, their eyes traced your figure as you bent over to grab a couple of waters from the case on the floor, and when you stood back up they grabbed your waist to "move you out of the way" of someone walking by.

The final straw was when you attempted to walk back to Bucky and their spouse, they grabbed you by the elbow stopping you from moving, the grip wasn't very hard from what Bucky could see, but the look on your face was enough to get him moving.

Bucky walked away from the spouse mid sentence. They called out at him, but he paid it no mind. He reached the two of you, and you smiled at him, saying something along the lines of "What couldn’t stand to be without me?" Bucky rolled his eyes when the co-worker asked what he was doing.

"Sorry to cut this short, but honey, we got to go." Overpronouncing the pet name, as he pulls you toward him.

"What? You just got here!" The co-worker joked, "Come on, y/n! The night is still young." He whined out.

"I'm sorry, but Buck's right. I promised to make dinner tonight in order for him to come." You laughed, pulling Bucky's hand into your grasp, "See you on Monday though." You smiled at them, causing Bucky to tighten the grip of his hand around yours.

The second the two of you walked out of the building Bucky pushed you against the wall of it, just barely out of view from the window, kissing you harshly. You opened your mouth in shock, giving Bucky the opportunity to slide his tongue in. His hands roam your body in search for nothing in particular, he smirks when you moan into the kiss, motivating him to pull as much of those pretty little sounds out of you as he can. He thinks of your co-worker, the slimy bastard, they could never have you like this, this thought makes his smile grow as he attaches to your neck, and slips his knee in between your legs. Once he's satisfied with your disheveled state, he silently walks away to the car, leaving you to follow him, confused, calling out for him to slow down.

K - Kiss. (how they kiss/favorite place to be kissed, and vise versa.)

☆ Bucky’s kisses are tender/soft, this is attributed to him subconsciously not wanting to hurt you in any way, so any time he touches you it's rather gentle. His lips tend to taste a little like blood, because he has a habit of biting them.

☆ His favorite place to kiss you is on your cheek, specifically with his hands on your hips as a form of greeting.

☆ His favorite place to be kissed is his neck, it feels special, a place just for you and no one else, it's a form of intimacy he hasn't been able to truly experience until now. He especially likes it when you hug him from behind kissing up from the top of his spine to his nape hairline.

Bucky uncomfortably cleaned the kitchen as he waited for you to return from work; he had recently moved in to your place, and it was just now starting to hit him how serious you guys were. You and him have been dating for quite a while, he stayed over more times than not, so it was only natural for you to ask him to move in. He said yes of course, how could he not? He thought about the two of you, about him no longer sleeping in your bed, but sleeping in his. Next to you. It's driving him insane, oh god - when did he start crying? Seriously though, how could you chose him? He just doesn't understand how this happened, how could you, of all people, want him? More tears. God, Bucky, pull yourself together man.

His thoughts screech to a halt as he hears the door open, he hears you call out his name, he doesn't respond, wiping the tears, this proved to be a lot harder to do as one's tears are still actively falling. You find him within a few seconds, he's facing the sink, you snicker at his concentration; you walk up to him, making sure not to be silent, though there’s not a doubt in your mind he knows you're there. You wrap your arms around his lower torso, placing your chin on his shoulder. His hands stop moving as he leans into the touch.

"Hey, Buck." You softly whisper, "You get out today?"

"Of course I have." He turns his head down slightly, trying to avoid eye contact, "You worry too much." He grumbles, he attempts to move his arms forward, but stops when he feels your lips graze his nape.

"I like worrying about you." Another kiss. "It keeps me grounded." You laugh into his neck.

"Please." He drags out the word in an almost whiney tone, moving his head back to get even closer to your mouth, "Please don't stop."

You consister teasing him, turning his chin to look at you, but stop when you see his wet cheeks you decide against it. You leave a kiss on the corner of his mouth as a sort of apology, before going back to what you were doing to the back of his neck.

"God, Buck, you know how much I love you?" You mumble into his skin after a few moments.

"No, I don't think I do," He smiles at the wall, "how much?"

You unravel your arms from around him, placing them on his shoulders, turning him to face you. You deeply press your lips onto his nose, causing him to scrunch his face, the kiss makes a humming sound, before a soft pop of your lips.

"That much, times like a thousand." You giggle at his soft expression.

"Wow. That's a lot." He remarks with faux amazement, trying to make it seem like you didn't just make his heart nearly beat out of his chest.

"Yeah it is." You exaggerate the words, gripping his cheeks for one last kiss.

L - Love Language.

☆ Bucky's love language is definitely acts of service. He enjoys doing things for you, and putting his skills to use, I think this can been seen in fatws when he helps Sam with repairing the boat, and getting him a new suit. He likes surprising you with household takes already completed when you get home, he absolutely basks in the praise you give him for doing this.

(yuck. This is where I officially give up on the scenes, as said prior if you want to see any specific ones just ask!!)

M - Meals. (kitchen dynamics.)

☆ Bucky doesn't like to cook with other people, you can watch for sure! But he doesn't like to share the space too closely, it just annoys him when people do things he believes he can do more efficiently.

☆ The two of you will most likely do A/B days when it comes to cooking and clean up, unless one person is pampering the other/it's a special occasion.

N - Nicknames. (what do they call their S/O?)

☆ His nicknames for you are obviously older, and slightly feminine (unless you tell him off), he starts you relationship with names like, doll, darling, and dove. As time progresses he will start incorporating handsome into his list of pet names. All that being said, I don't think he's too into pet names, for the most part he'll just say your real name.

O - Openness. (how open are they about their past/emotions with their S/O?)

☆ He starts telling you about his past in the form of jokes (like that one date scene in fatws). He's able to tell you about everything in a factual tone a few months into dating (just so he knows he trusts you), as far as his emotions surrounding it - that does obviously take longer, but in my opinion not by that much. The amount of emotion shared does vary, but maybe a month or two after he tells you about it for the first time, he'll start venting about his nightmares and such.

☆ also it does depend on how you view/retain media, because you might have already recognized his face/name.

P - PDA.

☆ Bucky is in the middle when it comes to PDA, he likes holding your hand, will give you goodbye kisses and such, but he doesn't go father then that. Half due to his social anxiety, half to him wanting the more intimate things to stay private.

Q - Quarrel. (how they apologize/ how long it takes them to forgive their S/O?)

☆ If Bucky feels he's in the right he can and will be petty, such as brushing you off, or making sarcastic comments. He typically won't confront you because of the attitude he holds, but when you decide to apologize he's ready to talk it out. He accepts your apology in time, (depending on what you did) but he is still standoffish for some time after, due to his trust issues.

☆ When he fucks up he is all over fixing it. He starts the apology in a very formal manner, stating how he knows he what he did was wrong, how he'll do better. The second part of the apology is him being (too) nice for the next week, as said on L his love language is acts of service so he'll overcompensate, and do every task you needed done.

R - Rules. (boundaries they have.)

☆ His "main" boundaries are focused around his past, such as you're not allowed to pry when it comes to asking about it - he will talk about it in his own time. You're also not allowed (at least for a long time) to touch the scars he has next to where his arm is attached, or the attachment itself. As far as other boundaries go, he doesn't want you to go further than hand holding, and a quick goodbye kiss in public, and he hates it when you pity him out right - keep that in your head.

S - Security. (how protective are they of their S/O?)

☆ He is very protective of you, not in a weird controlling way, but he always checks in out of fear someone will use you to get to him for one reason or another. This protectiveness isn't really that obvious, more just him checking in on you, and keeping an eye out when you're out together.

T - Time. (how long does it takes to fall for their S/O?)

☆ Bucky does take quite a bit of time to actually fall in love, but him finding you attractive/intriguing is very fast if not immediate. It takes about 2-3 months for him to ask you out (though he does flirt for a while first), and about 5-7 months of dating to "love" you.

U - Upset (what things upset them in a relationship?)

☆ He can get upset from a few things namely; everything said in R, when you grab him first in his post nightmare state or during/after a panic attack (he wants to be the one to initiate contact, because sometimes he doesn't want to be touched), and if you disagree on politics - although Bucky isn't the kind of guy to compromise on those so it most likely won't happen, because he wouldn't be dating you in the first place.

V - Vacation. (what kind of traveler are they with their S/O?)

☆ Bucky's a NERD!! He likes to go to places with rich history/culture, and he won't take a second to rest, he just wants to see everything, can you blame him? If you're the kind of person who wants to spend a day relaxing by the pool, I'm sorry, but he will leave you behind without hesitation.

W - Words. (promises they make to their S/O.)

☆ Bucky promises to never hurt you in any way shape or form, he promises to protect you agianst others who wish to harm you, and he promises to never leave you behind as he doesn't want anyone, especially you, to feel how he felt.

X - Xenial. (how they make you feel welcome/what makes them feel welcome?)

☆ Bucky likes to do little things for you to make you feel welcome/comfortable around him. This comes in different shapes and forms, such as complimenting you in every which way, making mental notes of things you like, and always being ready to help you out with anything you may need.

☆ Bucky feels the most welcome when it's explicitly said that he is. You using your words to validate him, not even compliment him, but just say he's doing fine, it does more for him then you could imagine.

Y - Yearning. (do they miss their S/O easily? what do they do about it?)

☆ Bucky is able to survive being isolated for long periods of time, even going as far to do it intentionally, but you've weakened him. He misses you rather fast. Now, it's not like he's going to cry over it or anything, but he will sometimes sit up at night unable to sleep without you next to him.

☆ Let's say that you two, for whatever reason, can't call. Bucky is an old fashioned guy, he likes to keep a least one physical photo of you on him at all times. He says it's his good luck charm; he would never tell you however, is that when you two are separated he keeps the photo as close as possible at nights because it calms him down from his nightmares.

Z - Zzz. (sleeping habits/how they cuddle.)

☆ As said so many times throughout this list, Bucky gets nightmares, and sometimes he can't fall back asleep afterwards so he gets up to go do his own thing, because of this while the two of you do sleep near eachother, you rarely cuddle. It's not even that he doesn't want to cuddle, he does, it's the fact he feels like a burden any time he wakes you, so instead he lied and told you he doesn't like them.

☆ Other sleep facts about him is that he runs hot at night, somewhere earlier it's said he's cold to touch, but for whatever reason he can not have more than one blanket on him, plus your body heat.

☆ His typical sleepwear is a pare of shorts, and if you want to count them, his dogtags. During the colder months he'll add a long sleeve shirt, or even just a standard tee, depends on his mood.

MARVEL MASTERLIST

#marvel x male reader #bucky x male reader #bucky barnes x male reader #male reader #bucky barnes #marvel fanfiction #mlm fanfic #gay

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