#smart things for home

[stars-obsession-pit]

Due to issues with Jack’s fertility, the Fenton kids were both conceived using donor sperm. The donor they ended up receiving wasn’t anyone special; just a random chemical engineer from Gotham City by the name of Jack Napier

And perhaps things could have ended there. Perhaps in another reality, they did, and Danny never had to pay more than a passing thought to his genetic father.

But in this world, Jack Napier faced one extraordinarily bad day, and it broke him. All he could do in response was laugh at the utter meaningless of it all. And by the time his cackles subsided, the man he had once been was dead. In his place, only the Joker remained.

Yet despite how suddenly everything changed, neither of them knew the truth of things right away. The Joker had never even known he had a son, since the service didn’t inform people if their donations were used. And though Danny had known Napier’s name, he had no reason to pay enough attention to the man to notice his disappearance.

That ignorance couldn’t last forever, though.

All it took was a few medical tests from Danny before the automated database systems made the connection.

And that certainly didn’t go unnoticed by those in Gotham.

It looks like it’s time for Uncle J to pay his kid a surprise visit! Ooh, maybe he could break out the ol’ electroshock kit and bring back Joker Jr too, make it a proper family reunion!

[unpersoniverse]

Skén:nen sá:sewh

as promised, here's Precious boy™ getting kissed by Precious wife™ because he deserves all the love in the world :cc

translation: Get home safe

[trensu]

It's Will that gives him the idea.

"we don't really celebrate father's day anymore," he had said awkwardly, "but I can't hang out anyway."

"why not?" Dustin demanded. He was gonna end up bored and alone because he didn't celebrate the holiday and everyone else had plans. he had been counting on Will to keep him company.

"I'm gonna get Jonathan a new record and I want to listen to it with him," he said.

"can't he get his own records? C'mon, we could go to the arcade or something."

"no, Dustin," his tone took on a stubborn edge that made Dustin pause. "He's my brother and I love him, and he's the only guy besides Bob who's ever even tried to look out for me. So I'm sorry but I'm gonna be busy on Sunday."

Dustin didn't argue after that but it did get him thinking which is why on Sunday morning he biked all the way over to Loch Nora and started banging on Steve's door.

"what do you want, Henderson?" Steve sighed the most dramatic put upon sigh Dustin had ever heard.

"you're not my dad--"

"wow you really are genius!"

"shut up, shut up, listen to me!"

"okay, geez, I'm listening."

"you're not my dad and I don't want you to be my dad. I don't even really want a dad! Lots of dads aren't even that great and my mom already has the single parent thing down. But you taught me how to do my hair and how to talk to girls - even though that advice sucked, I didn't need it to get Suzie at all - and you're gonna teach me how to drive--"

"woah, hey, no I never said I'd do that, wh--"

"--and you've saved my life but I think we're even because I've saved your life too."

"Henderson don't you have anything better to do than harass me in my own home?" Steve said. he was using that exasperated tone he got when he knew he wasn't keeping up with what was going on but didn't want to admit it.

"actually no I don't but I'm here for a reason," he reached into his backpack and took out the gift he clumsily wrapped with scraps of brown paper bags. He shoved it into Steve's hands. "You're basically the only adult male figure in my life. And I appreciate you."

Steve squinted at the gift and then at Dustin and at the gift again before he said fussily "is this a prank? If something gross explodes from this, I swear to god, I'll--"

"Just open it, Steve!"

"Fine, fine, keep your shirt on," Steve said and tore off the paper. He blinked and in a softer tone said, "Oh."

"I don't know if you even like making models but I know you love cars and this kit looked just like yours, so yeah."

Steve stared at the kit some more. Dustin started to fidget. It was always better to be honest with your feelings but maybe this was too much for Steve. Maybe Steve didn't like him as much as Dustin did. Steve was not as enlightened about these things as Dustin.

"I've never made a model before."

Dustin hunched his shoulders and tried not to feel stupid or hurt. He should have expected this. They weren't even related. This was probably too weird. He reached out to take the gift back.

"it's fine, I can return it, whatever."

Steve raised the kit out of Dustin's reach.

"Hey, this is mine," he said.

"you don't even like it!"

"I never said that! I'm just gonna need a dweeby little nerd to help me build it. You know anybody like that?" Steve asked, batting his eyes innocently.

"you're such a dick," Dustin grumbled, fighting back a grin.

"watch your language!"

"shut up, you're not my dad."

Steve laughed as Dustin shoved his way into the house. Hours later, after much shouting and ribbing and one incident of spilled paint, a small model of the beemer was left to dry while Steve forced Dustin to watch the baseball game on TV with him. It wasn't the worst thing ever, and after Steve mentioned the statistics involved, it got way more interesting ("of course you'd like the math part, you weirdo" "you don't understand the stats do you" "shut up and watch the game, Henderson"). When the paint was dry, Dustin followed Steve upstairs and watched him carefully and deliberately place the model between a couple of sports trophies.

"yeah, I guess it looks pretty cool," Steve said with exaggerated nonchalance. "Now beat it, kid. your mom's gonna freak if you're not home when she gets back from work."

"can you give me a ride?"

"ugh, fine."

Dustin grinned. This had been, hands down, the best father's day ever. From the look on Steve's face when he placed the model, Dustin was pretty sure he agreed.

[greensaplinggrace]

the babygirlification of porsche is fucking insane btw. this is the guy that would've let kinn fucking die in an alleyway if the dude hadn't promised him money. he's got his priorities and at the top is always chay. like there's a lot of ruthlessness to be had in surviving to protect your only family

[starry-bi-sky]

Clone^2 Damian

If you really think about, Damian's situation in the clone^2 au is... kinda tragic? Especially in the early months of his arrival. Like,,, think about it. Damian has always known he was a clone of Damian Wayne, that he was a copy of the blood son. There was nothing 'original' about him, not even his name (of which at least Danny has that). He was just... a replacement. A disposable one, to boot.

And he knew that, to an extent, by the time he was six years old. he might not have been actively acknowledging it -- he's six years old -- but deep down he knew. And like, he's six years old. Every small child craves the love and affection of an adult, especially their parents, and even though he knew he was clone, I imagine he still considered - and still does consider, somewhat - Talia and Bruce as his mother and father. And I really doubt he was... getting it?

Now, I know Talia loves Damian, her son. At least in some interpretations she does, and in this au she does. But... a clone of her son? I'm not so certain if she would have the same affection for baby Dames as she would for Damian. I don't think she would treat him badly, but I don't think Talia would treat him warmly either. Kinda just, distant. Colder than she would have been with OG Damian.

And, I know I've mentioned Damian's arrival from Danny's point of view, and its kind of comical kind of insane from his perspective -- a little boy clone of Damian Wayne falls through a portal and immediately attacks him. That sounds like a bad joke.

But, if you think of this from Damian's point of view? It's like he just got dropped into a scary movie. Like, think about it. You're six years old, and suddenly a portal, as green and as swirling as your grandfather's pools, opens up beneath your feet and sucks you through.

After an intense bout of vertigo, you end up in a massive, urban city -- completely different from the rural mountain palace that you lived in for the last six years of your life, and in this city, you don't know any of the language. You don't know what anyone is saying, you can't read any of the signs - you are completely stranded, away from home.

And then, to make things worse, you're facing a figure with a terrifying mask and eyes as burning green as the portal you fell through. Of course Damian's first instinct, six years old, is to attack. He's terrified.

And this figure, he's not a good fighter, but he's fast, and he dodges you quickly. He grabs your sword with his hands, and tries to restrain you, saying something in a language you don't know. Naturally, Damian is just scared. He's six! He'd just be learning how to read if he was normal child going to school.

This figure halfway through the fight yanks off his mask -- he realizes you're scared -- and looking at you now, is a youthful version of your father. This is a clone of your dad, someone you have never met but, six years old, still wants to. Damian gets defensive. This is an imposter.

But this imposter eventually gets you home with him - and he's using his little box, his phone, to communicate with you through a mechanical voice speaking in arabic. and it's frustrating. The boy, the imposter, can say whatever to you just fine, but trying to talk back is a hassle and a half. He's six, he doesn't have that much patience.

He wants to go home.

And so he keeps trying to run away. He keeps trying to find out of this hellish concrete jungle, and he keeps getting lost. It's loud, and busy, and there are people talking to you and you don't understand them, and there are rules and signs you don't understand - Damian tries to cross the street and nearly gets hit by a car. He doesn't know how the road signs work, he was never taught. They didn't get to that.

And he gets lost. And it gets dark, and Damian is brave, but he is six, and this is the worst stress he's been under in all his six years of life. He wants, desperately more than anything, to go home. Why wouldn't he? The only stable... semi-stable environment he was in just got ripped out from under his feet, literally! He wants his mother.

And it's not happening.

But there's something good to be said, at least. The imposter that looks like his father always comes and finds him, no matter what. He could have left that morning, and he will find Damian at midnight, frazzled and worried, and carrying an extra jacket with him because it is cold in Amity Park and Damian is six years old.

And sometimes Damian attacks him - he's scared and stressed and he doesn't want to be here. And every time he catches the sword. Even though Damian can see it cut into his hand and pearls of blood well up and stains his fingers. Even though Damian can see him wince in pain and bite his lip, he still catches it.

But with that little box, he coaxes Damian to come back with him. It's cold, it's dark, Amity Park is unsafe at night. They can figure something out tomorrow, please. And every time, he agrees, reluctantly. And the imposter takes the extra jacket he brought with -- a flannel, a hoodie, a jacket -- and he wraps it around him. It's warm, Damian's clothes are not that thick, and even though he thinks he might hate this imposter, he still sticks close to his legs as he leads him down the street.

And sometimes the imposter carries him, because Damian's shoes are not that thick, and he cuts his foot on broken glass while they're walking home. The imposter sits in the bathroom with him and carefully cleans the cut out, and makes sure it doesn't get infected.

There's hope you know, he still has it. His mother will be looking for him. She'll be worried. He's important to them. Damian may not be the original, but he is still a blood son. He is still her son. She will come find him. This nightmare will end soon. He can go home.

And then weeks pass, and nothing. Then months, and nothing. His family is not coming for him, and it hurts. Hurts more than anything. And yet while that happens, the boy he's attacked, and hurt, teaches himself arabic in order to speak to him. He takes Damian out of the house one afternoon and buys him new clothes, or tries to. And then he keeps buying him new clothes. He gives him blankets and gives up his bed to him until they can get him one himself, and steadily he teaches Damian english.

This boy is kind. Kinder than Damian's ever experienced, and he doesn't know what to do with it. He's devastated by the fact that he is not as important to his family as his family is to him. What do you do when you're six years old and you learn something like that? When a random stranger who looks like your father is kinder to you, and cares more about you than your family did?

And then Damian tells him he's a clone. He's Damian Wayne's clone, and he tells him his purpose - that their grandfather made him to kill him. And the boy, the imposter, Damian thinks he probably already knows that he's a clone. But he doesn't say that. He just nods, and asks him if he wants to tell his original about him.

Damian says no. He doesn't want to. He's tired of living in the shadow of his original. He wants to keep this to himself. This is his. For once, all of this is his.

And to his surprise, the imposter doesn't try and convince him otherwise. He just nods, and says okay. And when Damian asks why, the imposter - his brother - looks at him and says.

"I don't care about Damian Wayne. I care about you." And in Damian's gobsmacked silence, his brother continues. He tells him that if Damian doesn't want to tell his original that he exists, then they don't need to. They don't need to worry about the LoA going after him, because clearly if his 'grandfather' needs to make a clone of Damian in order to take him out, then whatever it was that Damian Wayne was doing to keep himself safe, was working.

"Wayne already has people in his corner, he's got Gotham's army of vigilantes to keep himself safe." his brother says with his eyes as blue as moonlight. "You, however. Do not." And he continues, and says that if Damian Wayne has the same training as Damian does, then he will be fine. He doesn't need to be aware of his clone. Because if DW doesn't know about Damian, then the LoA doesn't either.

And here's the thing. Damian would not have survived in the LoA for long. Not as a clone. No matter what, he was going to die no matter what he did, and sooner rather than later. The sword of Damocles was always hanging above his head in the League of Assassins.

That portal, and meeting Danny, saved his life. There's no way around it. And to an extent Damian knows this even at six years old. He may not be aware that he would've died, but he knows that meeting Danny was the best thing to happen to him.

It's no wonder after that, that Damian is as clingy to Danny as he is. Danny is the first person he's met to offer him unconditional love, with no strings attached, only pure affection.

[nenasspot]

casting lee dohyun in the good bad mother is maybe one of the best castings ever... because put that man in a suit with his hair done and he's stern. he's powerful. he's undefeatable. he's 35.

but make him smile his dopey ass heartstrings-pulling wide smile with his hair down and he's young. he's meek. he's adorable and sweet. he's 7.

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

Never not thinking about leela being one of the smartest and most competent people in a room full of time lords who think she’s useless because she’s human

[utilitycaster]

Something about Candela Obscura truly brings out the best in performers. I don't know if it's a system that makes it clear that you will fail and therefore takes the pressure to be good at things off, or if it's that it's designed for shorter works so, as Spenser and Marisha said for the live show, everyone understands the need to drive it like they stole it, or if it's something else. If a CR cast member has something I consider a weakness, Candela counteracts it, and if they have something I consider an unsung strength (eg: Laura's ability to figure out puzzles) it comes to the forefront. Also Matt managed to crit twice in it as a PC which isn't a comment on him as an actor, but does indicate some form of curse-breaking.

[sideblogdotjpeg]

have been thinking about professor sol even. professor bufo with no clearly discernable lesson plan. sol bufo ostensibly martial arts professor who spent two weeks running a yoga and meditation program and shows up to the next class with crochet hooks for everyone. professor bufo who is technically supposed to be assigning grades to students but hasnt given anyone less than an A because "i think they worked really hard and they did a great job :)" (referring to the ugliest and most malformed pot holder anyone has laid eyes upon in their life). professor bufo who is on his way to cluelessly kickstart the sexual awakening of about half the cohort of the academys new students. sol bufo adjunct professor who is gone half the year and his first class back is so immediately and easily baited into going into a long tangent about how cool his friends are. sol who is pretty sure hes easily the most useless professor on campus and almost cries when he sees his little desk overflowing with thank you notes at the end of the year. professor bufo absolutely fucking gloriously hot in the tightest little sweater vest because there were faculty complaints when he wore a crop top to class.

[nymime]

I just can’t stop the thought of Steve as Kevin of Home Alone man.

A little Steve who was blond in his childhood but with the years he got brunette. (like his mom, she was also blonde in her childhood and on her 14 got brunette.)

A menace who is smart in his own way, creating home made traps for the assholes that tried to get in his house, afraid but putting a big boy faceted to beat those thieves of stealing his house, be sassy when those criminals got catch by the police (the old police chief loves him despise his family name, always go to watch him time to time even after he retired). Big dysfunctional family who treats him like trash, big brothers and sisters that he don’t talk with, cousins of his same age who he barely bear them sometimes, a mom who forgets him for stress with the rest of her husband family side, an incompetent dad who is focused in be cool and respected by his brother who is a major asshole. Scared of the homeless man who clean the streets and have a really scary expression according to him, befriend the crazy pigeon lady of the park, who ‘adopts him’ like a pigeon, giving him candies, hugs and funny stories to make him laugh.

And just the party + plus the young adults + older adults finding out cause the old crazy pigeon lady randomly hugged Steve and he hug her back, smiling like a child again when the lady gives him candies and a pat in his cheek, calling him her “sweet pigeon baby” and then just ignored the rest while walking away. The old retired chief who didn’t notice hopper (who in its moment was the one who replace him back them) but he approached Steve with a smile of a grandpa, patting his shoulder while asking him if he captured any other thieves those days, an amused look in his old eyes as he walk away without greeting Hopper cause he didn’t recognize him, to focus in the kid who considered family.

And then just Hopper ask the new chief, Powell, what the fuck is all this about, and the man just give him a huge archive with all the case. Eleven decide to do spooky telepathic magic to see those memories by seeing the archive, and everyone just looks like “:O”.

[canisalbus]

What do your boys smell like?

I talked about this a bit on this earlier post and I don't think I have anything significant to add to it at this time. But I could tell you which perfumes they might wear in modern times? (Scents are hard to describe but I included some of their main notes to give you a vaguest idea of what they're like).

Vasco

État libre d'Orange - Tom of Finland (iris, leather, tonka bean) Dior - Homme Parfum (leather, iris, rose) Tom Ford - Tuscan leather (leather, woody, amber)

Machete

Heeley - Cardinal (linen, myrrh, frankincense) État libre d'Orange - Rien Intense Incense (frankincense, amber) Lalique - Encre Noire (cypress, vetiver)

[goddessofroyalty]

I binged read all of your Zaun Family posts (all amazing, btw), and I couldn't get this idea of my head. I work retail, so I often see parents dealing with tantrums from their kids. I wanted to know how Vanco reacted/dealt with temper tantrums with each of their children.

I'd imagine Viktor and Claggor being more tame. They'll beg, pout, and cry, but they'll be more quiet about it if that makes sense. Violet would be in the middle. She would kick and stomp but not cry or scream, just be angry and cross her arms. Milo and Jinx, however, would have the worst. There is no doubt they'd do the whole nine yards.

I think it would be interesting to know their reactions. (Bonus points if you do a version with JayVik and their kid)

When Viktor's younger yeah I think he's more of a sulk and cry kind of a tantrumer. As soon as he gets his own bedroom he's also the one that retreats to his room to sulk but he will also just stand his ground and refuse to move. He's also the one with the most scathing tongue and tends to throw out things his parents didn't know he knew about in his argument for why he should do/get what he wants. It's still a tantrum in that it's an extreme emotional response to not getting his way but it's also very similar to Silco's own way to handling when things aren't going his way. He's actually the one Silco's argued the most with over his childhood because Silco doesn't like letting even his child have the last word. Vander, who has had years of experience dealing with effectively the more mature version of the behaviour because of Silco, is able to more patiently wait for Viktor to calm down and try and/or talk him around.

Claggor goes really quiet and yeah pouts likely with his arms crossed and one really sharp stomp. Which neither Silco nor Vander exactly want him to change because that's kind of the easy temper tantrum to deal with in terms of it's not exactly drawing attention to the situation. And they are probably somewhat guilty of ignoring him as a result. Yes when it's something they deem more 'rational' to be unhappy about they'll try and explain their resoning and compromise with him. But if they've decided it's something he's just being a brat about they will ignore him as he sulks.

So you know how I said Viktor is very similar to Silco in how he tantrums? Yeah Vi is Vander. She's the violent one who stomps her feed and slams her hands against walls but she's not one who yells a lot or really cries. And unfortunately for her because Vander knows where that can lead because he's gone down that path which ended with that night on the bridge, he tends to come down on her like a tonne of bricks when she does it. He does take the time to talk to her again after but in the immediate he is pretty harsh in shutting it down. Silco is much more patronizing in his response (because this is a child trying to Be Threatening) but it isn't Immediate Grounding and he'll more just wait her out.

Mylo is one who takes it out on others. He gets in trouble or is told no and five minutes later Powder is crying because he tore her bunny out of her hands. Or Viktor or Vi are yelling at him to get out of their rooms and stop touching their stuff. Or he'll just break something. Which only makes the situation worse for him until it escalates to him being yelled at to go to his room by either Vander or Silco. And while how they approach the sending him to the bedroom probably could be done better he actually needs it to stop the Cycle he's created and have some time to calm down before he can be talked to rationally (and also give his parents time to calm down and calm any aggrieved siblings). They've learnt that if they try and challenge him while he's still worked up he'll just go to blaming his siblings which probably is just going to start an argument between him and said siblings and continue the Cycle.

Jinx is the full-blown throw-herself-against-the-floor meltdown when she gets fully worked up. As she gets older it gets very performative where she will turn it off as soon as she gets her way but when she was younger it's because she genuinely gets that worked up. Because she is the youngest and her parents more and more busy nearly every day it does actually work a lot of the time because it's easier to just give her what she wants then try and get her to calm down. They can do it when it's something Really Important but a lot of times they can't be bothered.

I've mentioned it before but with Jayvik and Amaranthine, she's the kind of kid who holds her breathe when she's throwing a tantrum. And Jayce freaks every time she does it and will do basically anything to get her to start breathing again. While Viktor will acknowledge it by reminding her that she knows that doesn't work for him and then will continue with what he was telling her that she didn't like enough to start the breathe-hold-tantrum and refuse to engage with her more until she talks back. She has never actually passed out on him.

With Naph I think he's a hider. Which works as effectively on both his parents in that they neither Jayce nor Viktor like it when he does it. And because he's a good hider by the time his parents have found him he's calmed down and they've forgotten about whatever it was he was having the tantrum about in the first place.

[gravekeptsecret]

following a blood trail, frothing at the maw

commission for @spinetacks <3

[daughterofhecata]

Have now finished Glass Onion and guess what? It was also delightful!

[worldsewage]

whichever character you think is most likely to have a pet lizard

[green-tea217]

when the friend crush so massive it looks like an actual crush