#smart of them to start talking about it so early. bc i definitely dont remembering this conversation happening in the comics | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

writingonsaturn · 3 years ago

Text

Better Unsaid

a/n okay this has been all over the place!! it was originally going to be a blurb and darker and closer to smutty (so keep your eyes out for that??? lol), but then I made it softer and the concept got away from me and it got soooo much longer than expected lmao and i still dont love where it ended so maybe part 2?? i have the idea i just dont know lol

summary: Reader is a princess and Anakin has been her guard during the most public season for the past two years (not the most logical thing but just go with it lol, it gets explained better in the fic) and after a near death experience the two are conveniently forced into a....

ONE BED TROPE ONE BED TROPE *cough cough* ONE BED TROPE WITH ONE PERSON HAVING TO WAKE UP THE OTHER BC THEYRE HAVING A NIGHTMARE,, :)))))))

His smugness is the only thing about him I can consider ‘ugly’. And because I am so desperate to not have feeling for Anakin, the Jedi who has been assigned to protect me through coronation season (which lasts for most of winter), for the last two coronation seasons, I hold onto my distaste for that side of him. Which is why I suppress my laugh as he waits for my reaction with that confident smile.

“Come on, that was funny.”

Rolling my eyes, I let myself sit on my bed. I can’t tell if he’s actually funny or if my evening has been so boring that his sense of humor has started to become appealing to me due to comparison. In short, the suitor I was forced to spend an entire evening with lacked personality so much I’m starting to find Anakin funny.

“You’re much more entertaining than this evening’s suitor.”

Anakin’s expression shifts slightly, his assured grin dropping slightly. “Another miss?”

“You have no idea.” I relax slightly, taking a moment to be glad that I completed my father’s request and now I can just enjoy the time I have with Anakin. “I know my father’s desperate to make sure my marriage is useful for our people and that he worries about this selection process because he always thought my mother would be here to help, but sometimes I wish he wouldn’t rush it so much. It feels like all he wants me for is to marry me off in exchange of finance or weaponry or something diplomatic.”

“You’re more than that.” His response is so soft I think I might have missed it if I needed it less. I curse myself for feeling so validated by him. His words shouldn’t mean anything to me. After all, he could easily just be saying that because agreeing with my father will just make me more unpleasant to be around.

I smile politely while avoiding his eyes. I keep my hands on either side of me, fighting the urge to fidget. “Thank you, Anakin.” My words sound weak in my own ears, so I’m sure he notices my shift in mood. “I’m tired today, I think I’m going to go to bed early.” Normally, I’d be able to shrug off these kinds of things, but the beginning of Coronation Season makes me irritable. The anniversary of my mother’s death hits me harder each year.

“Y/n.” My name comes out so velvety I can’t find it in myself to interrupt him. “You are more than someone meant to be used as some kind of royal currency, and I mean that as more than just a...friend.”

I let his last word linger. We’ve tried so many titles that never seem to fit right. He’s the chosen one, one of the most powerful Jedi to exist, and the Jedi assigned to protect me each Coronation Season because that’s when my mother was assassinated. He’s my guard, but we’ve spent too many nights laughing together and talking about everything and anything. And I guess now he’s my friend, even though sometimes when he looks at me in a certain way or sits too close to me or reaches for my hand to guide me somewhere I can’t breathe right.

“Anakin, you know I love when you’re here, even though sometimes you drive me insane. And I appreciate your kindness, but your words can’t change the truth. That’s how my father sees me and he’s not exactly wrong. I’m not a son, I haven’t been raised to lead an army or lead much, and--”

“I’ve seen you in meeting after meeting, convention after convention. I’ve witnessed the way you handle real problems and I know how you care about your people. You’d make a great leader, you don’t need a husband to be valuable.”

My chest swells, feelings I never let myself think about mixing with thoughts of Anakin that I’ve spent so long trying to avoid. “That settles it, you’re my favorite person.”

He grins, the look warm enough to melt the odd lump in my throat. I fight down a smile as he steps forward. “And I wasn’t before?”

“I take it back--your head’s big enough without the additional praise.”

Rolling my eyes, I lean back slightly in order to recreate the distance he so easily destroyed. “And I thought you had finally warmed up to me, princess.”

The use of my title makes me skeptical. The last time Anakin used it was when he was trying to ease me so that I’d walk around the palace garden so he had an excuse to do the same. It was beyond late and I was half asleep, but he had os much energy he was desperate and just needed to do one more thing. I felt bad that his schedule revolved so heavily around mine (and when he softens his eyes and says please, I’m left incapable of saying the word ‘no’) so I agreed.

“What do you want?”

Anakin dramatically clutches a hand over his heart. He throws his head back slightly as if he’s just taken a fatal blow. “When did you turn so cynical? I’ve been back for three days and I’m starting to believe you’re a different person now.”

Yeah...he’s definitely getting ready to ask for something that’s more trouble than it’s worth. Then again, everything with him seems to be worth it in some capacity. Even if it’s just that one smile he gets when he’s truly content and doesn’t think anyone’s looking.

“Mhm,” I mumble, still fighting a grin, “so you’re not going to ask me anything?”

His lips part slightly as he exhales. I watch the way his eyes narrow at my victorious expression. “I don’t have anything to ask of you, but I do have a small request. A request so small you won’t have to do anything but say yes.”

Suspicious. Too easy. “You’re unbelievable.”

“You just said I was your favorite person. Remember that.”

I’m too tired for his coyness. I’d rather him make his ridiculous request now so that I can be in bed within the hour. Though I can’t pretend I don’t normally feel better after letting him drag me along on whatever ‘adventure’ he just needed to complete while also not letting me out of his sight. I used to tell him that I wouldn’t tell anyone if I wasn’t under supervision for an hour or two a day, but he dismissed the idea immediately. That’s been the cornerstone of everything.

“What is it?”

He sighs once, tilting his head slightly. The way his eyes soften tells me he’s already won at least half the battle. “They still haven’t caught the attempted--” Anakin pauses, something behind his eyes darkening. I know what he’s remembering. Last night, an assassin had gotten closer than they ever had. I had almost been shot in the garden, Anakin had barely pushed me to the ground in time. A fact he’s been beating himself up for since, especially considering that no one has been able to find my attempted killer yet. “They were so close to you. They were within palace limits and they disappeared like they never existed. Who’s to say they don’t work here and are waiting for the next moment you’re exposed? Who’s to say they aren’t here tonight, waiting for me to retire for the night?”

I didn’t realize how my near death experience had been so personal to him. He, like everyone else, was beyond frantic after it happened. But my father put an end to verbal worry before it could truly begin. He said the best thing we could do was act like everything was fine as the assailant was searched for. Anakin hadn’t been particularly cheery after my father instructed the guards to focus their search on known enemies instead of prioritizing venting the staff closest to me. I comforted him as best as I could, but he didn’t feel like speaking about it and I had to worry about the suitor meeting my father wouldn’t let me cancel.

“Anakin, you’re right next door to me.” I have to fight the urge to reach for him. “I was fine because of you, and I will be fine because of you.”

He sighs once, his expression not easing. “And if the person is silent? The attacker could easily work in the palace, but no one wanted to direct the search inwards.” His words are more strained than I’ve ever heard them be. “I think it’d be smart for me to stay in here. I know you’ve refused having a guard stay in your room or outside your door, but...” Anakin sighs. “Your safety would be more assured.”

Him staying in my room? The only line I’ve ever been allowed to draw, and I’m actually considering letting that go. If he seemed even slightly less sad, I wouldn’t even consider it. It’s not a good idea. I’m already too attached to him. “Anakin--”

“I’d feel more assured.”

Damn him. Stupid, extremely sweet Anakin who makes saying no to him impossible. I stretch my arm forward, letting my hand squeezes his forearm gently. “There’s no reason to not feel assured.” He doesn’t ease, the cloudiness behind his eyes remains stubborn. “You’re still worried.” No reaction, the haze that’s taken him isn’t letting go. “Fine--but tell no one or my father is going to take to posting guards at my door every night.”

...I guess there are worse ways to spend a night. Which is kind of a problem since I’m trying to...enjoy Anakin less. Ugh, I even sound dumb in my head. “I promise, princess.”

Ugh, he’s adorable. “You’re intolerable.” I stand from he foot of my bed and pull back the covers on my bed. He doesn’t reply, something dark still playing for him. I watch him move to face the door. Wait--is he doing what I think he’s doing? “No, you’re not going to stand there all night. You need sleep.” He has the audacity to give me an annoyed look. “I already didn’t want to do this so now you have to listen to my conditions.”

He raises an eyebrow, his lips pressing together oddly. He’s trying to gauge something from my expression, perhaps he’s looking for buttons to press to get his way. I guess I look as stubborn as I feel because instead of arguing he just sits on the floor. What? I watch him cautiously, trying to figure out if this is some weird argument trick.

“What are you doing?”

“What you asked.”

And just like that I’ve put myself in a position that I will no doubt regret terribly the second common sense returns to me. There’s no way to deny that Anakin and I are closer than we probably should be. We’ve felt like friends first since the day we first met. I can’t think of any reason to not offer to let him sleep in my bed except those stupid budding feelings I refuse to label.

It’s not like I actually like him. I can’t--I’m going to be married to some nobleman and he’s prohibited from ever forming attachments. I’m not even sure if we’re allowed to be friends. Having actual feelings for him would be so, so pointless. It would just lead to heartache and the ruining of the one genuine relationship I have. I’m just a tiny bit confused right now because he’s objectively really attractive and he’s always there for me. Always there to make a joke after a particularly rough meeting. Always there to offer me a supportive smile. Always there to humble me when I teeter on acting like my father.

Anyone’s heart would flutter at that, so it doesn’t mean anything. And if it does, I need to squash any budding feelings now before I mess things up. Which is why I should keep him at arm’s length until I get it together. But is that fair to him? And what if doing that is making things worse? What if it’s just reinforcing the idea of having feelings?

This is ridiculous. I’m going to get over this if it kills me. It’s just a bed and it’s only sleeping. I’m meant to be able to lead an entire union and I can’t sleep next to someone and act normal?” “You don’t have to sleep on the floor.”

The second the words leave my mouth I regret it all. What’s wrong with me? Did I seriously think I’d be okay?

I hear his soft exhale, “I’ll be fine. I’ve slept in worse places than on your marble floor.”

His voice sounds so weighted I can’t help but feel bad for not noticing that he’s still bothered. Whether he’s upset about his near miss or the fact that my father didn’t take his advice, I don’t know. But something’s wrong. The easy thing to do would be to just let him sleep it off. The smart thing to do would be to leave him alone until tomorrow.

I think of all the times that I’ve been upset and Anakin had refused to let me go to sleep angry or sad or overwhelmed. “I know, but it’s really not a big deal. It’s not like we don’t know each other. I mean, last Coronation Season you buttoned me into more gowns than my handmaid. And I owe you for saving me from one of the worst suitors I’ve ever had.”

“I’m starting to think we need to develop some kind of signal.”

The tiny bit of lightness that’s returned to his voice makes all of my internal struggle feel worth it. “You always seem to know.”

“That’s because when you’re reaching your limit, that one line appears between your eyebrows.”

I didn’t realize I had such a tell. I try to remember the way that the suitor drawled on and on about how amazing he was and how he couldn’t wait for the day he had a bride to bear his children and plan (tedious) social events. My hand moves to my forehead, trying to feel the crease Anakin mentioned. Can everyone tell when I’m growing tired? Am I that transparent?

Anakin’s slight laugh steals my attention. He’s facing me again, his elbow holding his head up on the foot of my bed. “What are you doing?”

“I don’t--I don’t think i get a crease between my eyebrows when I’m irritated.”

I hear him stand. I don’t realize he’s approaching me until he’s so close I could touch him without even needing. to stretch. “No, when you’re irritated you raise your eyebrows slightly, because that’s when you’re at your most sarcastic.”

“Really?”

The corner of his mouth tugs upwards. “Just like that.” I force myself to keep my expression blank. “When you’re reaching your limit, your eyebrows crease here.” His finger taps the space between my brows so gently I almost don’t realize what he’s doing. “And when you’re trying not to laugh--which is often, because you refuse to admit that I’m funny--you press your lips together in a way that forms a dimple here.” The knuckle of his pointer finger brushes against the bottom of my cheek.

I bite my tongue to fight the warmth spreading across my face. “I didn’t realize i was so transparent.”

“I can’t always tell what you’re thinking.”

“I’ll take it.” Maybe if I was less tired, I’d argue a little more. “You know you’re not that difficult to read either.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I can tell when you’re just being stubborn for the sake of it. I can see it in your eyes and you’re doing it right now.”

His expression harshens slightly before softening. “Y/n--”

“I’m not wrong.”

He sighs once, stepping back. I watch him pace around my bed before taking a seat on the edge of my other side of the bed. “Are you happy now?”

“Happy that I won? Absolutely.”

Anakin halfheartedly glares at me. “Careful, add a crown and a robe that trails down a throne and I’d feel like I was speaking to your father.”

“Careful, another side comment like that and I’ll ‘accidentally’ kick you off the bed in the middle of the night.”

“Not if I kick you off the bed first.”

I trace a thoughtless pattern on the fabric of my bedsheets. “What are you? Twelve?”

“I’m older than you.”

“Barely.” I continue the thoughtless pattern tracing as I fight the sleep from my eyes. “Your comebacks are usually more creative than that.”

He exhales, relaxing slightly as he rests his back against a pillow. “I’m tired, like you claimed to be.” His eyes flutter slightly, a bit of his exhaustion showing. “Go to sleep.”

I should. I’m too old to think I can put off a tomorrow I don’t want by just staying up. This is stupid. I’m too old to think I can put off the anniversary of my mother’s death by going to bed. She had been taken from us on castle grounds, killed by a revolutionist who viewed my mother as a class traitor. I still remember the way she slumped to the ground, her blood staining the snow beneath her. I remember the way the guards were so busy chasing her killer no one thought to keep me away from the body.

“Y/n?”

I scratch the back of my arm in hopes of banishing my thoughts. “Yes?”

“You’re being quiet.”

“You said to go to sleep, that tends to be a quiet thing.”

I can feel his eyes on me. “Since when do you listen to me?” Not trusting myself to actually reply, I only offer him a hum of acknowledgement. “I know you’re not half asleep.”

Folding my hands on my lap, I avoid his gaze. “It’s tomorrow.”

I don’t know why I trust him to understand my vague response, but I do. His silence stretches over us like a thin blanket on a cold night. Maybe he doesn’t understand what I’m implying. I can always correct him tomorrow, when my eyelids are no longer as heavy as my heart. The more seconds that pass in total silence, the more I think that maybe he’s fallen asleep.

I wouldn’t be surprised, Anakin has seemed tired recently, like some additional weight he won’t share with anyone has been thrust onto his shoulders. A small part of me rolls in guilt. I need to be a better friend, just because I’m suddenly a little too aware of him doesn’t mean I can shrug him off and ignore him.

My hand almost flinches away from the feeling of something surprisingly warm touching my pinky. When I realize that it’s just Anakin and that the contact was probably accidental, I force myself to ease. It’s not like we’ve never touched before, I don’t understand why I’m making it weird. Sitting in my bed in the dark doesn’t change anything. His hand turns slightly, pressing into mine a little more assuredly. Biting my tongue, I turn my hand slightly, exposing my palm. And just like that, our fingers intertwine.

“She would have been proud of you.” His voice comes out so low I barely register the words.

The words shouldn’t mean much to me--he never knew my mother and has no way to know what she wanted me to be.--and yet I find comfort in them. I smile, turning my head towards him. “You didn’t even know her.”

He rolls his eyes slightly, relaxing further before squeezing my hand once. “Who wouldn’t be proud of you? You’re kind and smart and decent to be around when you’re not telling me what to do.”

My heart swells in my chest so much I’m surprised it doesn’t burst. Could he be cuter? “Yeah...now I’m sure you’re my favorite person.”

“Now you’re sure?”

The smugness in his voice has me rolling my eyes. “Don’t make me regret saying that.”

“Maybe in the morning,” he says easily, “now go to sleep. There’s nothing worse than escorting you from meeting to meeting while you’re tired.”

“I’m not that bad.” Even in this darkness, I can make out the way he raises an eyebrow. “Shut up--I’m going to sleep, but not because of you.”

He lets out a slight huff. “You’re impossible.”

The desire to respond to his comment is not enough for me to win the fight against the weight of my eyelids. The moment my eyes shut, I feel powerless to anything that isn’t sleep. I let myself fall into a weightless sleep, my only tether being the Anakin’s fingers around mine.

A distant noise yanks me from my sleep. I’m too drowsy to do anything but register the sound. I hear another similar...whine? cry? I can’t tell and I’m too asleep to figure it out. I almost fall asleep again, but a third distressed sound keeps me from it. I wipe my eyes lazily with the back of my hand as I try to sit up.

Squinting, I make out a figure on my bed. It takes me a moment to remember Anakin and how I fell asleep. Our hands are still together and no light is peering through my window so it can’t be that long since I fell asleep. Another disgruntled sound carries itself throughout the room. I shift slightly, leaning over Anakin cautiously.

Golden brown curls are beginning to stick to his forehead and his eyebrows are drawn together sharply. He’s having a nightmare. I shift even further forward before cautiously placing a hand on his shoulder before squeezing him gently.

“Anakin,” I whisper, “it’s not--it’s not real.” His eyebrows draw together even more harshly. I shake him a little more stubbornly. “Anakin, wake up--you’re having a ni--”

My forearm is grabbed so suddenly I barely register it before I feel my back shoved into my mattress. I blink twice. His dark eyes are frantic and the look on his face is far from the gentle, easygoing expression I’m used to. He’s breathing deeply, his chest rising and falling from above me. I swallow a slight panic and something I don’t understand as I try to keep my eyes on his face and my thoughts away from how close he is. Anakin pries his fingers from my forearm one by one until only his palm is touching me.

“Y/n, I--”

“It’s okay.” Honestly, I’m more worried about his uneven breathing than the way he grabbed me. I can’t imagine everything he’s been through or how justified his nightmares are. Anakin moves his hand away from me. I don’t sit up until he’s off of me and sitting with his back against my headboard. “It’s okay--I just--you were having a nightmare and I thought I should wake you.” He doesn’t react. I turn my body further, keeping my back straight. Anakin doesn’t move, and the longer he stays still, the more I feel like I should say something else. “Do you want talk about it? Or do--do you want to talk about something else? Or go to sleep? Or get some water? Or--” The far off look behind his eyes silences me. I scoot forward slightly. “You’re okay, Anakin, I promise.”

His head turns at that, his eyes searching mine for something I don’t understand. “I thought...” He cuts himself off by swallowing once.

I shift a little more, trying to find anything normal in his expression. “Thought what?”

Anakin’s hand is on my arm so quickly I don’t even register his movement. I let his fingers press into my skin. He’s holding onto me like I’m a figment of a dream and he’s beginning to wake up. “I thought I’d failed.” He exhales, the sound heavy. “Failed you and that you’d--I thought I had lost you.”

A lump rises in my throat, thick and unmoving. Cautiously, I place my hand over the one still gripping my shoulder like a lifeline. “You didn’t. Nothing happened, it was just a dream.”

His gaze falls to the ground before he repeats the last of my words. “Just a dream.” There’s a hollowness to his voice I don’t understand.

I exhale, carefully running my thumb over his knuckles. “Yes.” He doesn’t say anything but his expression hardens again. I let us sit there like that for a long minute. “I promise.”

“You can’t promise things like that.”

I sigh, unsure of where to go from here. “Bad dreams are only bad dreams.” He doesn’t reply. “I think you should try to get some more sleep.”

Anakin is unresponsive. I shift back, but before I can transition from almost being on top of him to just sitting next to him, he pulls on my arm to keep in place. “I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.”

“Nothing’s going to happen to me.”

“You almost died today, y/n. I was right there and if I had been a second later--”

“But you weren’t.” He doesn’t ease. “You were there and I was fine. Don’t torment yourself over what could have been. You’ll drive yourself crazy.”

“If anything ever happened to y--”

“It’s not going to,” I whisper, ignoring the way his hold on my arm tightens even further, “Especially this time a year when I have a pretty good gau--”

He tilts his head slightly, eyebrows drawing together and a ghost of a smile on his lips. “Pretty good? Really?”

“Someone needs to watch your ego, chosen one.” This time when he tries for a smile, the look has some strength behind it. Relief pools in my stomach. “Now get some sleep, tomorrow’s a busy day and when you’re sleepy you’re beyond irritable.”

Anakin lets me pull away enough to lay down, but he doesn’t follow. Not for a long second. When he does, his movements are impossibly rigid. I watch him out of the corner of my eye as carefully as I can manage.

“Y/n?”

I regret turning my head immediately. I didn’t realize how close he was. It would take no effort from me to make our lips meet. Wait--why am I thinking of that? I’m not allowed to think of stuff like that...especially not about him.

“Yes?”

He lets out a breath before moving his hand. I don’t understand his hesitation until I feel his hand cupping my cheek gently. “What if next time I’m not enough? What if next time I lose you because I’m not strong enough?”

I never thought my death would be such a personal thing to him. Sure, I knew that we had some kind of bond, some kind of friendship, and that my death would bring sadness. But I never imagined I’d matter enough to him that thoughts of my death would be frightening enough to slip into his subconscious and become a thing of nightmares.

“You are enough. Nothing is going to happen to me and if it does it’s not going to be because of you.” Anakin’s lips press together in a way that implies serious uncertainty. His thumb brushes across my cheek so unexpectedly I almost ask him what he’s doing. The intensity behind his eyes is enough to burn me. “Was your dream really that bad?”

He lets out an uncertain breath as his eyebrows draw together. I don’t miss the way his jaw clenches. “It’s more than the dream. I...y/n, princess,” he tacts on, a hint of humor returning to him, “you’re more than a mission to me.”

The admission is so soft I can’t help but smile. “I know, Anakin, we’re--”

“You’re more than a friend to me.” I don’t know if my blood freezes in my veins or if my lungs don’t contract when they should or if my heart literally skips a beat, but I know something in me completely stops at his words. “I--”

“Don’t say it.” I don’t know how I managed to cut him off so sharply and I’m a little disappointed when I do, but it’s the right thing to do. Thought of the code that’s so important to him have clouded half the immense shock and joy swelling in my chest. “What you’re trying to say...I um, I want to say the same.” I try to drop my gaze but he tilts my head up slightly with his hand. “But we shouldn’t, you know that.”

"You want to us to pretend that nothing’s different? You want me to escort you from meetings with one suitor to the next every Coronation Season until you’re married off?”

“No, I’m not saying that. The point is that I’m not saying anything.” His eyebrows draw together in uncertainty. “Isn’t it enough for now, for both of us to just know? If we say it...that could mean bad things for you. And I don’t want to be a bad thing for you.”

“You could never be.”

It’d be so easy to believe him. To believe him and to let him say what I never imagined I’d be able to hear and damn the consequences of tomorrow. “Can we just refrain from verbally saying anything until you’re sure?”

“I’m sure right now. I’ve been sure since the first time we ever walked in the garden together. The night after the first Coronation Ball I escorted you to.”

I remember that night well. The way he hadn’t scolded me for needing air or taking off my uncomfortably high heels to walk in the grass. “If you mean it, you won’t say it yet. I refuse to get in the way of what you’re meant for.”

His thumb runs my cheek entirely, stopping at the corner of my mouth. “Are you capable of not disagreeing with me?”

Rolling my eyes slightly, I place my hand over his. “Probably not.”

Anakin exhales, his playful irritation clear in the sound. “You’re impossible when you’re tired.”

“I am not tired.”

“I can see the sleep in your eyes.”

“I can see it in yours too.”

He pauses, eyebrows drawn together cautiously. “I’ll go to sleep if you do.”

He must be more tired than I thought if he’s compromising with me so quickly. “Deal.”

Neither of us close our eyes for a long second, we just watch each other with wide eyes. It still doesn’t feel like he’s eased, but he’s come back to me so much more than he was earlier. I’ll make sure to check how he’s feeling in the morning. The first morning after we’ve...I don’t know.

I’m trying really hard not to get excited because anything that’s been not said could be taken back so easily. That’s the point--but it’s hard not to let my heart get ahead of my rationality. I’ll just take the good for what it is for now and tomorrow we can figure out the rest. Even though he’s not allowed to form attachments and my father really wants to marry me off to foreign royalty.

Tomorrow. This can begin to be solved tomorrow. My eyes shut and I let myself roll fully onto my back. The second I’m comfortably settled, I feel Anakin shift against the bed. I’m too tired to open my eyes until I feel a weight placed against my chest.

I open my eyes on instinct, less surprised than I should be when I see Anakin’s head resting against my chest. Before I can speak, I feel his arm rest against my side. “Anakin,” I breathe, my hand moving to smooth his hair out of his face the way I’ve wanted to for so long. “What did we just talk about?”

“You said not to say anything,” he mumbles comfortably, “I’m not saying anything.” ...It is kind of the ideal compromise. Especially since I’m too tired to find reason and he feels so warm. “I can feel you overthinking. Go back to smoothing my hair before I have to rise and stand at your door so that your handmaid comes to wake you. Something tells me she’d be glad for the excuse to get rid of me.”

That might be the most dramatic thing I’ve ever heard him say. Selma is the most patient woman in the palace. “Selma would never report anything involving me, I can’t believe you don’t like her. She’s the sweetest woman I’ve ever met.”

“She’s the one that doesn’t like me,” he says, “she always watches me like she’s trying to figure out if I’m planning on stealing you away.”

Too tired to fight my smile, I go back to smoothing his hair out with my fingers. After a moment, he lets out an exhale that relaxes his entire body. “Goodnight, princess.”

“Goodnight.” The word is barely a mumble as I feel sleep tug against me for the second time tonight.

It’s strange, but my excitement doesn’t diminish my tiredness, it just makes the prospect of rest feel so much fuller. Safer. Because there’s so much to sort out and grieve but it’s okay, because we have the time and everything feels okay because Anakin is here, right beneath my fingertips.

#anakin skywalker #anakin #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin x reader #anakin x you #anakin skywalker imagine #anakin skywalker x you #anakin skywalker x y/n #star wars #star wars x reader #star wars imagine #star wars imagines #star wars fic

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lostacelonnie · 3 years ago

Note

what drew you to durandal originally and is it the reason shes still a favorite now?

OK OK OK FIRST OF ALL. thank you SO much for this ask i love talking about her and also sorry it took so long to respond, i had a lot going on. hope you don't mind ehe,, ANYWAYS! to be honest, the reason i started liking her very early in the game is. purely a coincidence! and by that i mean, i got valkyrie gloria ~ch2 and she's been on my team for an unreasonably long time since then, so even before i even knew who she was i. kinda grew attached to her [same for seele, btw. swallowtail phantasm carried me through half this game. moving on.] then came the first mention of her in chapter i don't remember which one [2? 3? 4? something around there] and tbh i just heard teri's description and was like "oh she sounds neat :] i'm probably gonna like her!" [foreshadowing?] just bc she sounded like a genuinely. nice person?

so, that's how i originally got drawn to her! now, onto why she's still my favorite :D

ok so. starting off. sth you often see in the fandom is ppl saying that dudu doesn't really have much of a personality, and while she definitely doesn't get her character really shown in a lot of the game, that's very untrue! it's just a lot of ppl tend to kinda... not bother to look into her character too much??? and, while im not gonna go full character analysis, its just. its about the genuine sweetness. the fact that despite being schicksals strongest valkyrie, she doesnt even get the thought of placing herself above other valkyries, or hell, even kiana, the literal [from her perspective] herrscher of the void. its about the Himbo Energy. shes so so smart but so so silly!!!!! its about the little traces of the personality she was forced to repress for the sake of a bubble universe, seen for example when she was fighting su! think that was ooc? think again, thats exactly what she was like a few years ago!!!! dudu is excitable, she likes having fun and playing football with kids and she adopted a half honkai beast only bc it looked like a cat, because she had half her childhood stolen by having to protect an entire universe. and like, shes a really good person who worked with schicksal bc guess what? she was raised there! and human attachments exist! and despite resorting to questionable means of achieving what she needed to, shes capable of changing and fighting alongside new allies. you get me?

oh and also another thing very dear to me about her character is biankas approach to identity. as in, names dont play a big role until you give them one- flowers may smell and look and beautiful under any other name, but she has given her own name meaning and made it hers, just as kiana has done- and bianka being born under the name kiana doesnt change or refute either of their identities

anyway thank you!! this might be a bit incomprehensible cos i did it at 1am but i feel like i still got my point through. although, i really barely said anything and didnt address a lot of the ✨points of nuance✨ because if i started, we'd be here all day. so. there it is theres the mini dudu rant

#once again thank you sm sm sm i LOVE talking about dudu i am rotating her in my mind 24/7 #lon.txt #asks #bianka 'durandal' ataegina #bianka ataegina #honkai impact 3rd #hi3

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shakingsphere · 6 years ago

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um i need a distraction so heres a question thing that yall are supposed to send to me but i just answered all of them if ur interested

Alisons: Sexuality?

straight i think

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

she/her cis

Amaryllis: Birthday?

january 30th!

Anemone: Favorite flower?

idk what they’re called but these vine type flowers on the side of my porch!

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

atla

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

depends on the context, definitely nothing where they could take advantage of me

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

i hate quotes i can never remember any lmao

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

.... diet coke

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

maybe? he didnt love me back

Baneberries: Favorite song?

vienna by billy joel

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

my parents are nice and supportive but overbearing and judgmental. my dad has a tendency to talk when its not his place and my mom is very jewish. my sister doesnt like me very much and is kind of rude. one of my brothers is really nice and the other is awful

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

I dont

Begonia: Favorite color?

green

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

red panda

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

night

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

a cat

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

an animator

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

i love kids theyre so cute

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

heights bc theyre scary, and unachieving because i dont want to waste my life

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

i used to play with ants a lot

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?

like if i was conscious it was my last day? i dont even know

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

single :/

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

central asia and iran

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

when im with my friends and we’re just hanging out

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?

no ma’am i am a child of god

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?

my ear lobes and i want to get my doubles done

California Poppy: Height?

5′3. it be like that

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

yes!!!!!!!!!!!! omg

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?

a college sweatshirt and pj pants with penguins on them

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

when i was little....

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?

my friend hannah

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

i haven’t...

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

um lobster?

Columbine: Are you tired?

yeah lol

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

college and moving out of state!!

Coneflower: Dream job?

something where i can use my degree lmao

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

i think im an introvert but i also might just have anxiety

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

maybe?

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

i would take a bullet for most of my loved ones

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

yes. a tie-dyed teddy bear named tie-dye. he is my husband.

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

aquarius

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

nothing that people who arent me should remember, but i think our experiences shape us so

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

im not dead idk

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?

um id probably be upset i care about my parents approval way to much

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

my friend hannah again lol

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

public speaking!!

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

math

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

um i met my future roommate, i lost a bit of weight, and i got some cute shorts

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

stressful!

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

join my college’s honors program and study in russia

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

im not doing this one too tired

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?

xanax

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

i try to tell ppl they are important to me

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

im funny i think

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

i wake up at 9:30 its 70 degrees Fahrenheit and i get lunch with some friends and then we hang out for the day

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?

im so bad about this all i do is watch youtube and study, but i love to draw and im going to start reading more

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

pretty sure its french for clear or bright (depending on the context). my mom just liked it

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

im from a suburb of kck. its a nice and safe place to grow up but i wouldnt choose to live here

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

nice, but its in the basement so the view is really bad i hate that

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?

no nope no

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

she is very smart and hardworking but very judgmental and a bit inconsiderate. she loves me very much tho

Onions: Tell about your dad.

he is short and angry. he tends to interrupt me a lot. he is supportive of everything i do. he is stingy about money tho

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

my mother’s mom died before i was born, and my i was never close with her father. he died when i was 8. my other grandma has bad dementia and isn’t sure who i am anymore. shes presbyterian but she would send my sister and i dreidels and such for hanukkah. im told i look a lot like her. my grandfather has been very grumpy for as long as ive known him.

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

my 13th. i had an anxiety attack and had to go home early.

Peony: What was your first job?

i was a hostess at a seafood restaurant.

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

i give myself time to process it and then just move forward i guess

Pink: Where is home?

where your sense of belonging is ig idk

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?

i would have made better grades and quit band in middle school haha

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

i want to be happy with 2 kids and a husband and live below my means but still be comfortable

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

nihil was a philosopher.

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

fuck idk my dog

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

background noise when your sitting outside

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?

for everything to work out!!!

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

very very hard

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

the internet

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

8 hours but i overslept

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

i have to

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

i dont have a job rn and thats bad

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

my jeans from uo

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.

cool librarian or 90s mom

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

160,000 dollars :)

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

the cost of college!!!!

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

oof like 2. i read Dune, and Slaughterhouse Five

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

college! finishing up my first semester

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

yeah :(

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

ive been late to ap french almost every day this semester #c’estlavie

#personal

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btsxlami · 8 years ago

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📢LISTEN 📢 UP📢 ARMYS📢 HERE ARE 23 UNDERRATED ¿!MORE!¿ RAP MONSTER TRACKS THAT YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY POSITIVELY SHOULD CHECK OUT by @btsxlami

Hey guys its your favourite Namjoon promoter here again a.k.a LAMI! My last post got a lot of notes so whoop whoop and included my personal favourite 23 Namjoon tracks which you can find here

Part 2 of my underrated Namjoon series.

Here are 23 more bc damn Namjoon has a lot of fcking songs!

Disclaimers: (HOLD UP IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME SEEING THIS I SUGGEST YOU SEE PART ONE)

1. i will include tracks that Namjoon covered

2. I will include tracks that Namjoon featured in

3. I will include tracks that I personally feel the need to be well known *so no I won’t put expensive girl even tho thats my shit*

4. This list will be a bit more laid back since I covered a lot of the most important songs in the last list sooo

5. since i covered his best and most “important” tracks in the last list theres not many left but ill probably include his REALLY early like pre debut fetus tracks with his underground rapper friends, tbh I personally don’t think they are the best but you can definitely see how he grew and where he started from

6. enjoY! and reblog kekeke

7. THIS IS A LONG ASS LIST AND I FUCKING ANALYZED EACH SONG SO I EXPECT YALL TO READ AND APPRECIATE NAMJOON GODDAMIT

8. you can always go to BTS’s official soundcloud for unofficial official tracks yeet

9. titles with stars are ones i recommend ( i should of done this for part one yikes)

1. Voices by Rap Monster ⭐

from his first 2015 mixtape RM > Check out the full album here >> X *you can refer to more mixtape songs in my previous list

I feel as if this song is the closest a fan can get with Kim Namjoon. Just listening to it you feel a bit relaxed and almost a bit sad when you start listening to the first half of the song. This song reflects a person’s tender emotions and voices that run inside of someone’s head when they are confused. I remember listening to this 2 years ago and towards the end Namjoon starts screaming out all his pain and I started crying. C R Y I N G

Namjoon had a really smooth life up until he started pursuing hip hop. He was a beyond smart student and had a happy family so why the hell would he be depressed? He had his whole life ahead of him right?

But this lyrics totally breaks that facade down

“ I didn’t have any dreams just like my lyrics, every day in that way the functions and equations that couldn’t give me an answer in the end those things became uncountable injuries “

Despite having such amazing grades Namjoon did not know what the hell he wanted to do with his life, he didnt want to go into something academic despite being good at it, he was lost in life and his academics could not make him happy but instead hurt him even more.

“ thought I could catch the mirage known as happiness but the me in front of my desk wasn’t happy even for a moment without my mom knowing, I put a sheet of white paper between the pages of my workbook “

This verse totally broke me apart. He wanted to be happy while being in school but school sure as hell did not make him happy. His parents looked up to him as some smartass freak but without them knowing he started writing his own lyrics to cope with his hardships.

“my identity that I wrote down matched to the drum and bass a different, relaxed feeling compared to when I got my report card even when I was #1 my heart couldn’t relax”

The music brought out his true inner feelings, music brought out his true personality rather than when he was almost robot like studying with no self-identity. Despite being number one in class he still felt an emptiness that only music could fill.

“even as 7 years passed... still making my mixtape by myself in one corner of my room some say I’m fake, okay, I admit it, my dark past I can justify it, but I won’t, so that kind of problem won’t happen again the pedal that I stepped on for 7 years has finally been oiled “

Namjoon has been writing music and tried to get recognition for 7 years, despite Bangtan getting fame he is still lonely writing his own mixtape in a dark corner, kind of pathetic ehh idk, in his mixtape interview his dark past was his problematic sayings and actions. He felt the need to appropriate culture in order to rap. He then figured out that music and culture had nothing to do with eachother, music is for everyone. *I’m fake*

And finally after all the hardships after 7 years he is finally started to receive praise and attention!

2. WE ARE BULLETPROOF PT.1 by: Rap Monster, Supreme Boi, and Iron ⭐

Composed 6-7 years ago when Namjoonie was about 15 or 16 THIS SONG IS FUCKING BOP.

2 of Bangtans were also first members are featured here: Supreme boi (yall probably familiar with him) and Iron! (i hope iron never affiliates with Bangtan ever again tho we dont need a criminal around them yikes)

3. Hook by Supreme Boi, Iron, and Namjoon (also the track used in Yoongi’s all i do is win)

Extremely old and pre debut, but old is gold

Probably one of Namjoon’s only ‘diss’ song, he usually doesnt diss others while he raps tbvh

4. Seventeen by Rap monster

I FEEL LIKE I SHOULDNT MAKE FUN OF HIM BC 15 YEAR OLD NAMJOON AT THE TIME WAS PROBABLY REALLY PROUD BACK THEN BUT HE LOOKED SO FUCKING FUNNY BC DAMN THAT HAIR AND HIS VOICE SOUNDS LIKE A CHIPMUNK BUTHUSDHUFUFSUD

5. SKOOL OF TEARS By: Rap Monster, Suga, and Jin ⭐

Absoloute MASTERPIECE! FIRST OF ALL THE ORIGINAL TRACK IS FROM SWIMMING POOLS BY KENDRICK LAMAR AND I LOVE KENDRICK! SECOND, THE RAP FLOW SOUNDS AMAZING NAMJOON IS GOING SO HARD AND DAMN YOONGI BACK AT IT AGAIN! ALSO CREDS FOR BABY BOY JIN FOR SOUNDING SO BADASS HERE BUT HERE IS WHY I LOVE THIS SONG!

I think its absolutely amazing how Namjoon especially writes song towards youth suffering in school, it takes a lot of guts to write against a society that has been around for decades.

“ This is a ring called a classroom This is a stadium with no referee only an audience You know there will never be a victor everyone will lose There will be no victor everyone will lose”

“ That’s right, in the end school is like another mini society A jungle made carelessly by adults They made the weaklings weak, they made the strong powerful Of course since they were strong they made the weak suffer A society built on the teachings that friends are only for pretend The morals of adults made us step on the weak to rise to the top “

Its clear to see that Namjoon has suffered in school but also isnt afraid to address the truth.

6. Expensive girl by Rap Monster

( I FUCKING DISCOVERED THIS SONG WHEN I WAS LIKE 11-12 AND I NEVER WANTED TO PUT THIS HEAR BUT YALL LIKE FOUGHT ME TO ADD THIS TO THE LIST GODDAMIT I HATE YALL I GOT LIKE HATE MAN OKAY)

“Take it off now girl just take it off (I’m a master, baby with your bra)Take it off now girl just take it off (I can help you slide those panties off)(..I’m a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before)x2″

7. Converse High (original version SUNG by Rap Monster)⭐

Yall probably heard Bangtan’s Converse High but here was the original version written by Namjoon that was rejected bc of the swearing omg damn joonie, BUT HE SINGS SO BEAUTIFUL IN THIS YESS

(funny story in seventh grade when this came out it was the last day of school and i requested my teacher to stay after school late so i could finish listening to the whole thing)

8. Suicide by Rap Monster

Rapmon wrote this mixtape in the point of view of a baby in his mother’s tummy. The baby’s parents are high school kids who are forced to go through abortion.

*this song was deleted bc of copyright and also the source of it is unknown but hey ITS IN ENGLISH AND DAMN NAMJOON RIGHTS DEEP SHIT*

(tf is namjoon doing u good)

9. What am I to you by Rap Monster from the 2014 Dark & wILD ⭐

if you DONT KNOW THIS SONG I SUGGEST YOU RETHINK YOUR LIFE DECISIONS BC LOWKEY HANDS DOWN ONE OF THE BEST INTRO’S TO A OFFICIAL BTS ALBUM (gif is from the live ver of this song and he started crying ok)

So Namjoon used to have a girlfriend who “mistreated” him. Tbvh we really don’t know what happened but on problematic men he said it wasnt anything serious it was just she would neglect him and not spend enough time but also hang out with other men.

(gif aint mine so gif blogs dont come at me)

But clearly the lyrics of this song are very emotional but the real reason why this song is a masterpiece is because of the rise of emotions.

It starts off slow and cute, Namjoon mentions how he loves the girl and how their love is pure and innocent, throwing cute love phrases and the song sounds so soft, hopeful, and romantic. But in the middle the music starts to get more serious and Namjoon starts to question the relationship. He feels as if the girl thinks of this relationship as more of a task and a job, and slowly as the song comes to an end NAMJOON STARTS FUCKING SCREAMING AND BELTING! ALL THE EMOTIONS BUILD UP AND HE STARTS SCREAMING “WHAT AM I TO YOU GIRL WHAT AM I TO YOU I DO LOVE YOU CRAZY UH DO YOU” LIKE IT WAS SCARY I WAS CRYING IM LIKE NAMJOON WHO TF HURT YOU

10. Always by Rap Monster ⭐

This song is more recent and farely well known but I still felt the need to put this masterpiece here. Namjoon said not to worry about him as the lyrics are really sad and almost ???SUICIDAL??? but he said he wrote this when he was stressed last year. Its kind of a self questioning song about life and your purpose. I cried when it came out. well i always cry when i listen to namjoon is it a surprise.

I'm honestly in tears because this song goes to show how hurt Namjoon still is even after all these years. Even after all these awards, fans, and accomplishments. Depression still hurts after a long time. I can tell that this song was talking about his past. This song literally made me realize Namjoon was questioning his existence and I wanna hold him so badly. Guys...we could of lost Kim Namjoon. My absolute favourite human being in the entire world who saved my life. He is a human being who does not deserve such pain but I am so proud he endured it so well and look how far he came. One of my favourite verses "I live for the sake of understanding this world, but why hasnt the world tried to understand me atleast once" Its a really vague phrase which is why I like it. WORLD could mean destiny, fate, life, even parents. He tries so hard to accept his life, to understand his parents wishes, sacrificing his own happiness yet fate decides to only give him the worst. "Dad please listen to me" "dead dad, your dead to me," Talking about how his dad wouldn't let him rap. I remember him mentioning that his dad once told him all that education he worked hard for was for nothing and I can’t imagine how sad Namjoon felt in that moment. "I would tell god if I ever meet him, i would hold him by the collar and tell him this life is like a coffee I never ordered" A pretty sad and a bit confusing verse, maybe leading to why Namjoon eventually became an atheist. Namjoon was in so much pain he didnt want to be born. "I wished I was dead...... I wished “Someone would kill me" No Namjoon never utter such words. My joonie mini I hope you are better and hopeful now, look at how far you came, your so successful and loved, and you made your family proud. Dont ever doubt yourself and even think about death, just keep living happily and moving forward. He honestly felt lost in this point of his life and still continues to feel lost. Namjoon you have such in important role and your existence was destined. You were born for a reason. You were born to change lives.

11. J-Lim ft. Rap Monster & Iron - Ashes

12. TIPSY BY RAP MONSTER & SUPREME BOI

Namjoon wrote this in the beginning of his rap career when he was still trying to find where he stood as a rapper. He mentions how he isnt doing this for the fame or money and he isnt the next Nas or Tupac he just wants to rap for the love of it.

13. Rap Monster of 방탄소년단 (BANGTAN),Supreme Boi,i11evn,Marvel.J - You can't do that

*i suggest you skip ahead to 1:30 for namjoon fire verse, shade intended*

14. RAP MONSTER of 방탄소년단,Suprema,Marvel.J,Kyum2 - Rollin

I also recommend you to skip ahead to 2:40 BC DAMN BOY GOES HARD

But tbvh pre debut namjoon squad (supreme boi , young jeezy, iron are hella problematic and say the n word in this and still do so im like yikes im happy nam left you) “ They pissed, now rape me" bitch whet

yeah im just here for namjoons verse bye

imma mufukin balla on this mufuckin beat spit mufuckin rap on this mufuckin shit got mufuckin skill so im mufuckin phat its mufuckin trick and a mufuckin track i i bet you betta stop stopin da chatter im a rapper man, and i represent BPB im juss so greater than hoes

15. FUCK COCKROACHES BY RAP MONSTER AND ZICO *THIS IS SO FUNNY*

Zico was 15 and RapMon was 13 when they rapped this, Namjoon sounds like a chipmunk BUT ZICO SOUNDS LIKE JIMIN I STG!

16. Rap Monster- Thinking Bout you

Joonie Mini Representing Biggie smalls eyyy!

17. Glory By Rap Monster

"I'm a dick? Yeah, when you disturb me, I grow bigger" SO FUCKING DONE

*there was lowkey lowkey controversy bc he said he tore 4 hymens BUT DETECTIVE LAMI FIXED IT*

In the beginning Namjoon says that people looked at him pitifully because he joined BTS, the Underground rappers were disappointed with him which led the Underground rappers to leave him, which has ripped his hymen. Not 4 hymen of random girls. 4 and "I" sound the same in Korean

it's a bit weird but in this case he is talking about himself all the hate people showed has ripped his hymen symbolizing his innocence for music.

18. NAA BY RAP MONSTER

tHE ORIGINAL BEAT WAS DEUCES BY CHRIS BROWN I WAS DYING

19. REGULAR VOICE BY RAP MONSTER ⭐

A really sweet and open-minded song about Namjoon wanting a “regular girl” “Height? I don’t care. Age? I don’t mind it. When you say, “I’ll only look at you” then I’m okay. Whether your skin is light or dark it doesn’t really matter, our love is deeper than that. “

I feel as if idols are pressured to have certain ideal types and say them out in the open, Namjoon had bad influences around him *underground rappers* which also influenced his negative sayings towards certain things but he wrote this song all alone at a young age which shows that his intentions are pure, and ever since he apologized for his wrong doings you go joon.

his voice sounds like sex

20. DREAMING BY RAP MONSTER

FETUS CHUBBY WTF HAIR NAMJOON IS BACK

okay but seriously you can see that despite being young he put a lot of effort and thought into this song!

21. RAP MONSTER of 방탄소년단 feat.김거덕 - RAP

22. 130305?? THIS TRACK IS UNTITLED BUT IT SOUNDS SO EPIC TF

23. Trouble by Rap Monster 🔞 🔞

OKAY IM BARELY AROUSED BUT THIS SHIT ACTUALLY HAD ME SOAKED IM SORRY GOD LIKE ITS SO SUGGESTIVE I STG

HIS SEXUAL FANTASIES I STG

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just-kiss-me-you-fool-hehe · 6 years ago

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new year reunion weekend ✨

it was the most amazing weekend to get to see my buddy and have soooooooooo much good quality time with him

its the most amazing feeling in the world to be in an apartment and know that the other person is someone who you want to spend every minute with and share every thought with; it was so fun to mess around and watch tv and cook and create random things and go to the gym and have someone that will do all of those things with you <3

kirill did all of the grocery shopping for our empty fridge when he came over and brought me really cute flowers !!!

we kissed and hugged and did really cute things and then things got super hot and we started making out and had sex but i felt really uncomfortable in my post holiday desserts body and so the sex was kinda strange for me i just didnt remember what it felt like to be hot and then i dont know how he did or why he did it even though hes done it before but he just laid down on the couch with me and told me all about how cute i am and how much he loves each and every part of me; its just so crazy because i genuinely forgot how to do things and how i felt when we were in bed together and he just talked to me for a long time and then we napped together in my bed and then i doodled on my bullet journal feeling super grateful to have in my life like i definitely severely underestimate how much of a boost he creates in my every day self confidence i really dont know what i did to deserve him

anyway we went to the gym and worked out together and it was so fun to actually have a buddy not just someone who goes at the same time and then we showered together and watched tv while we waited for our pad kee mao and then devoured it as soon as it was delivered along with the mango sticky rice :P

the next day we actually woke up on time to go to work except for the fact that we were in our couch bed with our bare legs tangled up and feeling super frisky so we got some fireworks there and still got to work at 11! it was so fun getting ready together for the first day of the year and i got to wear my camo jacket for the first time so we matched and he was so pleased and i was stressed about my bra making my boobs look too big which was a fun and (f)risky conversation to have on our way to work ahahaha

we got home and went to mitchs place for smoothie delivery and watch unboxing and it was fun to chills and then went to his place to redo/undo/redo his iphone sync he was such a jumble of ideas and emotions it was funny to watch him speak and i also got the pink snuggie and just hung out watching my own videos in his room

then we finally walked to apple store and got really fun cute looks on the way there and then we were making out and then he says “ok baby im gonna see you in 20 mins” cause we were making out as if we werent going to see each other in a couple days ahaha

i remember walking down the streets feeling so content and seeing the lights of sf and it just felt so warm and cozy to feel so loved in a city that i love walking alone on a fun night; anyway we came home and cooked cauliflower and potato curry and made swausages and it was fun to do everyday things with him

saturday day i went to barre and trader joes and muji with mitch which was super fun and it was just an amazing feeling to come home to a person thats ready to kiss you :D idk its just really nice to make egg and avocado salad with the sesame seasoning !!! and it was nice to have him console me about the eggs not being fully cooked

the afternoon was amazing because we sat in our couch bed and read our books together !!! we read for a long time but i only got through ten pages because i was reading becoming which feels strange because michelle and barack feel like kirill and i for some reason and we talked about all the things i write in my books and he told how amazing it is that im smart and thoughtful and observant and he always wants to know what im thinking and writing about and i literally died inside

i was just in my happy place with the two of our reading on my couch and then eventually he had 15 mins left of his chapter and i was like can we read those later bc i wanna do other things and we had amazing sex i freaking love this couch because it has seen many great times and it was so fun to have sex in the middle of the day and i was def so turned on and there were stains on the sheets from me oh my jesus

so we fell asleep after making really good fruit salad and basically went the whole day just having eaten the tiny egg salad and tried to make oatmeal while kirill fed me chicken from the leftover pad kee mao and got kinda sad that that it was steel cut oats but idk for some reason he just made me less sad than i was and the oatmeal turned out pretty good!

“you know whats really fun this colander sits perfectly across the sink for putting berries in to dry“ “im really happy that thats really fun for you baby”

we ate some of our leftovers in the evening and watched more episodes of the final table and started getting really into in it after a couple of episodes and crossing our fingers and toes for our fave teams to not get cut and it was just so fun to hold onto his finger as we were waiting to see results, it was fun watching a cooking show with him because it felt like something we could do forever; also it was fun to talk about jokes like the rooster came first and finding the ghee spot is hard haha

it was hilarious cause we talked about how wild it is that we still talk about how wild it is that were together !

its also funny because if anyone heard our conversations they would be like what is this they talk about hydration police and bunnies and fruits and fruit salads what is this

he complimented me on having a nice back and nice elbows and nice feet and nice corners of my mouth and its wild bc those are compliments i have never received before !!! and when i told him this he was like “well theyre all missing out” and i was just :DDDDD anyway he said the same thing when i complimented his hands and his feet

we made chia seed pudding with berries and flax seeds and it was super cute because he ate exactly what i was eating on whole30 even though there was bread in the fridge for him1! we watched kalen allen and richard ayoade and talked about how fun it is to understand the things that the other person likes

we slept super late but then woke up kinda early anyway and then i took off my pants cause it was really hot and got into the same blanket and then i took my shirt cause it was really hot too with some help from kirill covering me up with lots of blankets to speed up the process hahaha i had a wad of dollar bills to use for premium services to i gave one of them to him and things were just insanely hot this morning and i was so turned on that my orgasm was just insane and as soon as it happened i told him that he could have all my singles it was amazing; as is probably obvious i was basically screaming and moaning this whole time and one of our neighbors actually knocked on the door and asked “are you okay?” and it was hilarious and i was mortified but it was still hilarious a definite first !!!

by the end of the weekend, like this morning on sunday, i felt so sexy again! it was really all because he managed to make me feel beautiful in the course of a few hours and days its wild

i just love how fun life is when he’s around, even though i try to capture all the fun things that we did together the best part of being with him is just being with him because everything is fun and everything is funny and even if its not its better with him; love you my buddy <3

#personal #kl7

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survivorkochang · 6 years ago

Text

Rites of Passage

Here are Anna Janes and Tobis’ Rites of Passages!

Anna: Cullan! Aka Mercury! Man you were a trip, ok I just opened our messages because a lot has happened this game and I’m having a hard time remembering everything. AH, so I really liked Goodman and you wanted him out over Jayden and I hadn’t talked to Jayden a lot so I wasn’t down for it. Then I think you went for Mitch who was my ride or die and I wasn’t gonna have that. Then there was controversy of “who said Goodmans name!” but regardless, I think if you got further you would have been sooooo entertaining! I wish you nothing but the best and hope you continue to play orgs!

Tobi: Different tribes and we never talked but sorry for your early boot

Anna: Hi! I didn’t get to meet you this game :(

Tobi: Hihi so actually louise and I both knew you were leaving no matter what and we just voted with you so that our relationship in BAR wasn’t affected and it didn’t really matter in the end bc I flipped anyway LOL

Anna: Hi! I didn’t get to meet you this game :( JK but wow were you inactive lol, i mean you were in like 5 games and I’m sure Seamus forced you to play/wouldn’t let you withdraw your app so thats probably why LMAO uhh yeah i’m glad you were inactive because you scare me and i think we totally would have butt heads. Your vote out was pretty simple because tobi had got screwed over by his OG tribe and was looking to come over to my side, and you weren’t there so it was really easy. You’re an icon and i’m sure if you were active you would have easily made merge

Tobi: Hey sistur yes I did throw you under the bus and I apologize because it was either you or me and I didn’t want to leave so ya hope ur doing okay tho <3 icon

Anna: oh goodman, how i adored you. It was so obvious this was your first game and i really wanted to just tuck you under my wing and bring you to the end with me LOL but i think you had a hard time keeping secrets…. Like you told Frankie about the plan to blindside him and leave him out of the 2 tribal fiasco and i was like GOODMAN WTPPP but you were so sweet and genuine with me. I think once you get a hand on these orgs you’ll totally be able to rock them out!

Tobi: Different tribes and we never talked but sorry for your early boot

Anna: a LEGENDARY MESS wow, so like i don't know where to start, it was so funny because we hadn’t even had a conversation yet and you created an alliance with me nicole and mitch. I would like to THANK YOU for starting that alliance because with that, came the me/mitch and nicole alliance that lasted LITERALLY all the way to like f7. But the way you talked to me in the alliances was just very demanding and made me feel icky. I don't rly love being told what to do and in these games i will pretend like i’m following the orders of the people who are doing the demanding just to like boost their ego but in reality im just gonna do my own thing and do whats best for me. The minute u were like really demanding towards me was when i was like ok yeah this isnt gonna work. I like alliances to be a team effort and everyone can speak their mind and do what they want and idkkk it just wasn’t that in ours which is why i flipped on you. You’re truly an icon though!!

Tobi: Okay like noah fence but like you didn’t save me during that f14 tribal I saved myself by my own efforts and u kinda just tried to use that as leverage LMAO but I appreciate ur somewhat help <3

Anna: Jayden! So you were an easy vote out at this point because it was 3-3 i believe, so it was me u and nicole. Zach was very controlling and i was doing the thing where i like pretend to listen to demands. I knew you were an easy vote out and you leaving wouldn’t impact my game later on so i allowed zach to pick you off. I knew that voting with zach would give me some trust with him so i figured why not, IM SORRY LOL but ya that's why i let you go. You’re a super cool guy and i had a lot of fun during the endurance challenge

Tobi: We didn’t get to talk much but you seemed really sweet and like I hope you’re doing good!!

Anna: oh BOY. first of all you were ROBBED of jury and that is terrible, the hosts should be shunned for that because that was gross. But zach, i enjoyed every conversation we had and you are SO charming. Unfortunately i could see right through it all because i've played too many of these games. I’ve also played with ppl like you so i know how you function LOL omg that sounds mean but like, you were playing like someone who needed control and needed people in his pockets and the way you did that was charming them and being very on top of it all. Does that make sense? The minute we had one world and i could talk to agus he said “zach is controlling my tribe, he has dylan/bo and jones in his pocket” i was like okay i understand. I had to allow myself to seem like someone who was less than you so that you didn’t see me as like a bigger threat than you. So i did that, i voted jayden out. I pretended to give you idol guesses etc. i couldn’t give you all of my trust because i knew that we could NEVER work out together. You were the leader of your tribe and i could be seen as the leader of mine. So if we had gotten any further together, it would have been an all out WAR like could you imagine??? AND i had an idol and SO DID YOU like we were going to go head to head at some point. So when the move presented itself i knew i had to take it so that i could gain the trust of the people that were in your pocket and remove a huge threat to my game. You leaving was so beneficial to me omg, i got jones as an ally from it! But anyway, my gosh are you a great player and i don't think i got to ask about your org history but there is NO way you havent won a game before. You are strong and well spoken and again SO CHARMING like well done, i’m sorry i had to blindside u lol but jones told me about your idol and she told me that you were catching on to me and like wanting nicole out so i was like it is time!! I hope ur doing well and i wish 1 day i could be as cool as u tbh

Tobi: Oh Zach, sorry for playing you as hard as I did but I was planning it ever since you and dylan lied to me at the double tribal thing and I reveled in getting revenge hehe… I flipped wayyyy back at f14 and started to plan to take you and dylan out ever since then and it worked hehe but you’re definitely a cool guy and we had some awesome convos it was just a shame that the double tribal went the way it did but alas it was fun!

Anna: :( i don’t know what to say. I was very transparent and honest about your vote out because you are such an awesome person and i value you very much. I do think if you weren’t taken out at this point, it would have been bad for me. I think u had allies in places i didn’t even know about and you are very strategic and just a smart person. Im gonna be honest though and say the main like nail in your coffin was the way jones was pushing me off of you, so in these games its important to separate relationships and like not be obvious about who you DON’T want out. Which is why i dont think many people knew mitch was my ride or die. Maybe because no one really wanted him out so i didnt have the opportunity to campaign for him? But the way jones was campaigning for you to stay was very very intense and made it very obvious that if you had stayed, i would be second in jones’ mind. So voting you out allowed me to become super close to jones and allow her to rely on me more than she would have if you had stayed. I guess you could credit jones for your vote out LMAO because like at first i was fine with going for bo over you because we are friends and i adored you but then jones was like crying and freaking out over you leaving so i was like yaaaaaaaaa sorry friend

Tobi: Ok hi so like we had like one conversation the entire season and you didn’t bother to message me back so that’s on you… Anyway like if you read zach’s rop you’d know the reason that I flipped was because both of you lied and expected me to be okay with it (which i obviously wasn’t then yall got merge boots lmao) and on TOP of that you throw me under the bus to louise who was the only person i could have a sense of trust with at the f14 tribal… like you reap what you sow sis idk what else to say bc that combination of actions really set me on a mission to take you and zach out xo

Anna: BO!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW you were honestly one of my favorite people in this game because you were so entertaining holy shit like the definition of a messy player, if they have a messy player season than wow are you ON IT. so your vote out was really funny because i was moving into my apartment so i was NOT online. I actually thought there was a chance that i could get voted out at that point. So the whole time i was like yes we can go for david its fine lets do it no problem. I had the votes and it was going to work out but THAN YOU OPENED YOUR MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You literally went and told david that i was gonna vote him YOU SENT A QUOTE! So then ofc i flipped the switch back onto you and it was no problem but oh my gosh if you had just not gone and told david the plan you wouldn’t have gone home! That move 100% was the reason you received my vote, i hope u play more games because you’re such a character and i had a lot of fun playing with you even though you made me want to rip my hair out at some points

Tobi: You’re a sweet kid and you did good for your first org but you also shot yourself in the foot at your vote out… like literally you weren’t the one who was supposed to go… david was but you HAD to tell david about it which made zero sense considering that vote was between you and david lol… but i dont really hold it against you since im sure you were trying your best hehe!! Hope you’re doing good and you play in more orgs!

Anna: i would like to thank u for ruining my potential perfect game (im writing this before FIC so hence potential) r u d e. BUT my love for you extends so far it could reach where you live and come back to where i live and go back and forth 20834324320842 times. You have been a close friend of mine since JPORG but unfortunately this game we just weren’t on the same side of the tracks. And unfortunately, my side had more people lol but yeah your vote out was simple. We went into that challenge knowing that if you lost, you would go home. If you had won, david would go home. I was lowkey really nervous when you started to like pitch against me lol but i really knew that 1 of the people on my side would tell me so i could idol so i wasn’t like waste my idol nervous if you know what i mean. But i adore you, you’re a scary player and the minute i saw your name on the cast reveal i thought “oh no” because you play like i do, you aren’t afraid to be the big dog and you aren’t afraid to make the moves you need to make when you need to make them. I could sing your praises for days Agustin and you know that.

Tobi: Yoo like i liked talking to you and all and we were on the same page for a lot of the season BUT in my plans to get revenge on zach and dylan i aligned with a group that sadly didn’t include you in it but yeah it was really fun playing with you and omg i LOVED when you called me out in tribal like that was so fun and i really enjoyed it!!

Anna: david, david, david. Your vote out was the craziest and most intense tribal of the game for me. It opened my eyes to so much and allowed me to really dig deep and see what i had to do to get further. So we connected since the beginning and i made sure to watch out for you BUT i saw you as a threat. I saw you as someone who could beat me at challenges and i knew from the beginning of merge that i had to pick off the people that could stop me from winning mandatory immunities. So with that in my head AND the thought that you would be the first to flip on me in the u/me/mitch/tobi/nicole alliance, i knew that you had to go sooner than later. So you found out about nicoles idol and jones and tobi both told me. And then you WOULDN’T tell me who told you about the idol so i went to mitch and was like “hey david told me you told him about my and nicoles idol” even though you didn’t just so i could bait him. It worked, he admitted it. THAT MOMENT WAS CRUCIAL TO EVERYTHING OH MY GOD but yeah i knew that tobi and jones were with me and tobi did NOT benefit at all by voting out nicole. Thats what i dont think a lot of people understood, ya’ll kept trying to pick nicole off to get at me but tobi’s only win con was sitting next to nicole……. So thats how i knew he wasn’t going to do that all the times ya’ll tried it. But yeah, i told you i was voting you out and you know i adore you as a person. I think you’re a bomb ass player and you def gave me a run for my money lol

Tobi: Hey bud so like i know i played you and mitch pretty hard at your vote out and like it was absolutely nothing personal but it was kinda obvious that you and mitch were closer to together than you were to me so like working with you two wasnt super optimal for me and like taking you out helped me achieve a few things like taking out a challenge threat and it threw mitch under the bus which let me last another 2 rounds so like ya that was my thought process behind it and I hope you’re doing well

Anna: mitch. My GOD did you play me good. You were in my DMs saying how you want me to win and you are so dyingly loyal and blah blah AND THEN YOU FLIPPED ON ME BUT NOT ONLY DID YOU FLIP ON ME BUT YOU FLIPPED ON MY TOOOOOO EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ugh,

i think of all the ppl that were like GET ANNA OUT GET ANNA OUT u were the person who i think could do it. But regardless, you were my person in this game. Like yes nicole was too but nicole wasn’t online enough to rly RLY be my person that i strategize with and talk to all the time. Like i told you all of my plans and we made moves together. I would NEVER say you were in my pocket and i can honestly say sitting at f3 that i don’t think you were. We were a team and we made moves together. We made plans together, we got the idols together. You and me did this together and i will never take that for granted. I had SO MUCH FUN playing with you mitch and becoming FRIENDS with you and really getting to know you. Our friendship is something i will take away from this game and i am so happy about that. You’re a bad ass mitch, thank you for playing this game by my side

Tobi: Lord like honestly our relationship is so rocky KJHLKJ like im gonna be real and say like I lied maybe a lil too much BUT it was for strategic reasons and letting david go and letting you take the hit for it really let me get through a few rounds with one move and like I also apologize about your own vote out like okay honestly i was already pretty leaning towards voting you out already but then when aj told me you wanted to vote me out (a plan which neither you or jones told me about) really sealed the deal and like i also was in a peculiar situation because nicole is the only person I have a real chance of beating in that f5 so it would've been really dumb for me to vote her out so yeah okay like i always feel like i wanna work with you but our plans never seem to work with each other KJHLKJ but i definitely hope we can work together if we meet each other again!!

Anna: jones, im getting exhausted writing all these but i really want to like be genuine and honest in all of them so here we go, I adore u wow, u are such an honest genuine soul that i know is seriously going to do amazing things in orgs and just life in general. Like i told you, you remind me of myself when i first started playing (which is a good and a bad thing LOL) but you are intense, you are confident in your game, and you are powerful. You should be proud of the way you played and excited for the games you play in the future. Your vote out was actually wild because at no point at all was i ever considering voting tobi out. So you were FLOODING me with messages, emotional intense messages that made me want to rip my hair out. Because you were telling me you weren’t gonna vote tobi, and then you were, and then you weren’t again and i was so confused because your ONLY argument with me was voting tobi out because i told you i was never ever going to vote nicole. NO ONE SHOULD EVER HAVE WANTED TO VOTE OUT NICOLE FOR SO MANY REASONS. But thats neither here nor there lol but yeah you were very aggressive and i was sooo taken back by it. It pretty much solidified my vote for you because tobi wasn’t begging for his life lol which like shows me that YOU were going to fuckin woop my ass at FIC and give the same amount of effort that im about to give to it, like girl you did the logic puzzle for 3 HOURS!!! you just dont give up. You would have fought tooth and nail to wipe the floor with me at that FIC and you cant deny that! But yeah, the begging and the emotional messages def helped ensure me voting for you. AND THEN FUCKIN NICOLE WASNT ONLINE. So this is actually wild what i did here and im sorry in advance but she wasn’t on and i knew me and tobi were voting you so i went to you and was like yo…. Tobi doesn’t have any votes against him you should make him join the votes club OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND YOU SAID YES SO MY LITTLE DEVIL BRAIN WAS LIKE YES BITCH 2-1-1, if you voted nicole it would have been fire making and nicole would have possibly lost. It was genius, it was cruel and i am sorry but i had to do it……… tobi knew too!!!! Ok im tired this was dumb i hate ROP, i adore you, you’re gonna kill muxloe but my one little snippet of advice is to NOT invest yourself into these games in an unhealthy way. I know this from experience because when i first got 4th my first game i SOBBED, the second time i got 4th I SOBBED the first time i got 2nd I SOBBED the second time i got 2nd I SOBBED and like when i say sobbed i mean it tore me up and i was mad and sad and just hurt emotionally so i GET IT. i get it, but its not good for your health!!!! Like once i learned to stop playing like that it helped me soooo much (it took me literally until this game sooooooooooooooooooooo im trash but still) I LOVE U JONESY GUACEY POOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Tobi: Ahhh jones you were honestly a joy to talk to and like I really enjoyed working with you!! Especially on that vote where we successfully flushed nicole’s idol which was honestly like 200iq stuff KLJHKJ and I feel like I came into f5/f4 being like the second least likely person to win with you and AJ being the most likely to win so at f4 the pressure was really on me because it was a choice of definitely making final tribal council but probably losing or having to work so much harder to make final tribal council but also having a real chance to win… and in the end i did what was best for my game and i’m glad you understood that… but highkey i felt so bad that you voted for me bc if you voted for nicole you legit would’ve put firemaking into play KJHSDF but anyways it was really nice getting to meet you and know you hehe

Anna: I love u with my whole heart and I hope ur okay, I had to write this very fast so I can’t write it how I want to but just know I’m so appreciative of you and am glad I got to know you through this game

Tobi: hihi so like i really do appreciate everything we've done here together and like i really enjoyed our talks and stuff but you just went inactive (for personal reasons which i understand) but like you getting removed at f3 completely fucked over my game LKJHDSLFKJHA but like all that's really important is that you take care of your own stuff okay hehe luv u beecole <#

#LoveManyTrustFew #rites of passage

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holidayisland-blog · 7 years ago

Text

This section is for the jury!

BODHI

Dom: king of jury!! We talked a little bit towards the start of the game but lost that very early on. You're really fun to talk to. Keep in touch! :)

Elijah: king!!! im super sorry about your eviction i did keep you twice while you were up on the block and i had nothing to do with your eviction whatsoever!!! although you nehe and akio were all close while both you and akito were still in the game!! (shoutout to nehe for keeping yalls legacy going whew!!) Overall i do in fact love playing orgs with you as well and hope you can understand that due to ugly circumstances you were brutally evicted after already being on the block the previous week if im correct. Youre super iconic and hope you know that i am a stan!

Elsa: Booodhii!!! One of my favourite people to talk to in this game. You were one of my closest allies at the start of the game. It really sucks that you were pulled into the whole Owen targeting Akito’s alliance mess, and I feel like we could have gone really far together if you’d survived that. Much love ♥♥

Nehemiah: Dude Idk why everyone is so scared of you or just don't like you like mand you are similar on so many levels. I mean i kept getting targeted this season for trying to save you so yeah.

AKITO

Dom: king of comps!! You were such a big threat at the start of the game so I had to make sure you left. You're such a sweet person to talk to and I'm sorry we weren't closer.

Elijah: oh akito, i am super sorry to admit this but i had plenty to do woth your eviction the first time. I managed to campaign to others and manipulated individuals in this game to make sure you walked out that door that first week. Overall i wanted us to stick together throughout this game bc you were a strong competitor and needed you on my side, but as soon as i saw how much of a comp threat you were i had to get rid of you asap. Then my opportunity arrived when you were on the block against Bodhi and you left by a slim 1 vote more than Bodhi had. I knew yall were close (sorry to assumt lol) and i knew bodhi and i had played together in a recent org which i cannot remember lolz. Akito you wete the strongest out of all of us and you showed that the first few weeks of the game by winning 2 out of the 3 HOHs in the beginning weeks! if you were here in my spot there would be no doubt that youd be winning this game by a landslide and im glad i prevented what could have been one of the biggest threats GleeBB/survivor has ever seen! i hope you can understand that this was nothing but a game move for myself and under these circumstances i understand if you do not vote for me in the finals for having a major impact on your eviction but i hope you can see it from a game perspective and know that you are truly an amazing player!

Elsa: Akito LOL. Contrary to what most people thought, I didn’t really have a grudge against you after you nominated me two times. We hadn’t really talked before then, and you were right, I wasn’t as active as I could have been in the house chat. That being said, it really did suck!!! Lol. I’m still thankful that you came and talked to me afterwards though, and I felt that your apology and desire to work with me after all that was genuine, at least I hope it was. Like with Bodhi, I’m sorry you were targeted for being a comp threat and not allying the right people. I think you’re a great person to play with, and I hope, despite everything that happened in this game, we can play together again!! Xxx だいじょうぶです。

Nehemiah: I also have been targeted a lot for also trying to save your ass akito. You were something else but you made the game one hundo percent fun

IAN

Dom: I really don't remember having a strong connection to you in the game. You were the king of POV competitions tho!!

Elijah: Hi Ian! So throughout this game while you were here i understand that we may not have been close so per say but keeping you around for as long as i did helped me advance myself further in the game than i thought i would get. You were good to keep in my back pocket in case i ever needed a vote or something along the lines of that. From my point of view, you were a sly and very smart player when you were in the house. You managed to get yourself off the block by winning comps but also you were very under the radar. I never once thought about coming after you, and i dont think anyone else was either due to you hiding in the shadows until you had to save yourself (which i believe is a very smart move and very respectable gameplay as well). I did keep you when you were up against Nehe and he knows that bc i throughly planned on maintaining an honest as possible game and have been honest whenever someone asked me anything! i hope you see that your eviction was just a flip of unfortunate circumstances! hope all is well with you <3

Elsa: Ian!! Lol. Block buddies. I remember you winning POV one week that I was nommed, and then not using it on me. Tragic!! Hehe, but you had your reasons for doing so. Uhh, you were another person I wanted to work with because I felt we were the underdogs in the game. Sadly, things didn’t really pan out the way I wish they could have, and I ended up forging closer alliances with different people in the game. Either way, it was fun playing together, and I hope you’re doing well xx

Nehemiah: It was me or you and I'm glad I stayed but you definitely were nice to talk to when we did talk

ALEX

Dom: We had a couple of interactions throughout the game. I thought you were very sweet and easy to talk to. Sorry that we didn't click more in the game :(

Elijah: Alex i miss you so much!! you have no idea how much it pains me to see you sitting in that jury house icon.. you and i became somewhat allies i believe in the pre jury phase of the game or the begin of it (sorry i cant remember lol) and i never wanted you to leave this house :( i think i was the only vote to keep you when you were evicted if im not mistaken? i really hope you are doing well outside of the game and just know that your eviction was not a surprise bc everyone told me they were evicting you but i refused to go back on my word about keeping my ally safe! love love hun <3

Elsa: Hi Alex! I think we talked a few times, but you weren’t as active around the week you got evicted/eliminated. It’s definitely a shame, but hopefully if we play together in a future game, things could be different.

Nehemiah: I wished we talked a bit more honestly but rumor has it you were in Nehe's rejects so yeah idt you like me.

OWEN

Dom: My number one ally in the game. Coming into this game after Redemption, I knew that we would be two HUGE power players throughout the majority of the game. I immediately wanted to work with you. You're such a good player and I am so sorry you left on my HOH. I feel so guilty. I hope I'm doing you proud YOU'RE SO AMAZING!!

Elijah: owen!!! im super sorry about your eviction. Although we were never close in the duration of this game, we had that iconic alliance called “Nehemiahs Rejects” whenever Akito/Nehe(Bodhi??? maybe???) was after daniel and you. You were such a loveable player and thats why i feel like i had to get votes to evict you. If you didnt leave the week you did, im pretty sure youd stand an amazing chance at taking the win this game. Week after week went by and i wanted you to leave earlier than you did but i also managed to get ppl to keep you around longer due to you also being somewhat of a shield for me. Whenever ppl wanted to target you i said otherwise for a few weeks bc i knew over time ppl would make sure my dirty work was taken care of when the time was right. You leaving that week set myself upto get to this point in the game. I flew under the radar , mainly everyones radar until last week when i was also voted out 2 tribal councils ago. I needed you to stay up until you did to ensure making it as far in the game as possible! i really hope you can see this as a game move and nothing personal whatsoever and i really hope all is well with you and yoir theatre stuff outside irl!! <3

Elsa: Owen!! It was really fun working together in the start, and I really am sorry that we couldn’t continue that working relationship towards the end. I do want to say that everything you told me the night you were evicted, I did listen to. I didn’t ignore what you said, and really did spend the night before thinking things through. Ultimately, I decided evicting you was in my best interest, but I’m really glad you made an effort to talk to me though. Hopefully we can play together again and maintain our alliance ♥

Nehemiah: Owen my #1 ride or die. I mean i'm sure you had other ride or dies but I kept trying to give you the benfit of the doubt for all the shady things you were doing behind my back. I do miss you tho. You are my org father with Trevor.

ROXY

Dom: ROXY!!!! QUEEN!!!!!! I'M SO SORRY! I thought we were both going to make it through that week. I adore you so much. You crack me up every time we talk. Keep being you <3

Elijah: a fallen queen.. you were one of the very few ppl in this game that i could truly say lasted longer than i thought you were going to. Week after week ,eviction after eviction, tribal council after tribal council i knew youd be one of the few i could take far in the game. I love everything about you and youre super sweet and caring, but keeping you around until the end just didnt feel too right in my eyes. Yes although i trusted you and knew your game moves bc you were open with me about them, that lead up to me knowing when you needed to be cut off. You asked me when you were on the block if i was going to keep you and i said most likely, and then i tried to send a heartfelt message about why i was keeping Nehe over you but it didnt send in time bc no internet that day! i just didnt want you to think that i was lying to you bc as previously stated i maintain a strong honest game whenevr it comes to this glee season. I hope you can understand that i tried keeping you safe as long as possible in this game but when you saved dom that one week i knew it was time to let you leave bc your loyalties lied with him over me on account of you saving him over yourself!!! i- was shook. I love you so much and hope youre doing amazing outside of the game!!! <3

Elsa: Roxy!! ♥ Hngh, I’m also sorry I evicted you. You were on the block against someone I couldn’t vote out, because they had worked with me more than you had. But anyway, thank you for being a source of joy and randomness in the tribe/house chat. It was a fab experience getting to play with you again after our last EM game, hehe. Love u lots xx

Nehemiah: Roxy I think this season we played together then In Bouvet island so I'm glad to have gotten to known you better as well as play with you.

DANIEL

Dom: Daniel!! You're such a good competitor in this game. I loved having to compete against you week after week after week... well you get it. I hope everything is going well with you!

Elijah: KING DANIEL!!!! it was super sad to see you go when you did.. you lasted so much longer than i expected due to various ppl targeting you so many times in this game. I kept you week after week you were nominated also using you as a shield for myself the duration you were in this game. You were a very close friend of mine and even a close ally but your true loyalties lied with Jenna as you two were a duo that had to be broken up no matter what anyone says. I only tried my hardest to get you out of the this game bc you were winning if you were in the finals and idc what anyone else says you are the true winner of this season of BB/Survivor Glee!!! i love you so much daniel and i know you can see it in a game perspective that you needed to be gone if anyone stood a chance of winning this game! i cant wait til i can travel the world one day and eventually go to Ireland and we can get drunkies! love love love you king hope youre doing awesome in jury and outside of the house!!

Elsa: Daniel ): Yeah, I’m really sorry I had to eliminate you. Between you and Elijah, I had to think about the future of the game, and what my odds were getting to the end and winning if I kept you in. I really did love our alliance though, and I genuinely wish I thought there was a chance it could continue to exist AND not implode not long after. Ultimately, if I was on the block instead of you, I also wouldn’t have blamed you for eliminating me either. Anyway, it was fun playing with you and having a fellow partner living in UTC +0; hope you’re doing well!!! ♥

Nehemiah: Honestly Daniel you started off the game so irrelevant to me and when i started paying you attention i actually liked you till you came for my edges then i came for yours then we worked together. You are a true definition of iconic.

JENNA

Dom: Jenna oh my god we had a rollercoaster of a relationship in this game. I think you're such an iconic person. Your personality just lights up the room. I'm a shitty person to play with but I hope you understand. Love you <3

Elijah: mom!!! i love playing orgs with you even tho i know youre going to turn on me eventually rip! Since BBPokemonHoenn weve been friends and i really love you as a person but as a game player i knew you had to go and you stayed way longer than i had planned for. You won yourself back into the game and managed to get yourself further than your last placement so congrats!! As you came back into the game you were targetted back i managed to keep you safe various weeks whenever someone wanted to target you . I just really know deep inmy heart i wanted to keep you around bc you were funny and crackdt like JAWSH, but in a game point of view i kmew keeping you around wouldnt be good for my game personally. You are a strong player, strong competitor, and very smart and got yourself really fucking far in the game and im super proud to be able to call you my friend and somewhat? ally? in this game even tho i knew you were turning on me eventually and after i had gotten word that you were going to target me after daniel was gone was shookning and i didnt want you to stick around after that. i hope you can understand that i needed you gone bc i didnt want to risk my own game! love love love you mucho mamas and i cannot wait until we play another game together!! <3

Elsa: Jennaaaaaaaa ): Honestly. If I didn’t have to board a plane right after voting, I’d have probably convinced you to reconsider Dom having an idol. We should have been more careful…. And it really sucks that you had to be the casualty of us assuming he wouldn’t have one. It could have easily been me. Ahhhhhhhhhh. I miss you lots, the house chat is hella quiet without you. ♥♥♥

Nehemiah: Jenn bo bana I mean force to be reckon with. First game I played with you. Best game i played with you :p I know we didnt have amazing track record in this game but you made this season what it was.

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ch99rry · 8 years ago

Note

1-102? 😁😁😁

omg ur gonna kill me

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

i think the last person who told me they loved me was my mother lmao so im pretty sure she meant it

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

mmmm i mean i would if they were comfortable with it. im 17 so its not that much of an age difference but im still underage but idk

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

LMAO NGL IT WAS WHEN I WAS SITTING NEXT TO MY BOYFRIEND (i feel like its too early to call him that......) DURING LUNCH. AS MUCH AS I WAS HAPPY THAT HE WAS THERE I WAS ALSO RLLY MAD THAT IM SO AWKWARD WITH HIM

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

i mean??? yeah???

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

omg yeah probably coughdominiccough

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

yepppp it was where are you by taeil i think

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

uhh my caltech hoodie and some gray sweatpants

8. How often do you listen to music?

like every minute of everyday. i will always listen to music

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

probably sweats since i dont normally wear jeans during the week (i have uniforms at my school)

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?

...what?

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

both??? im very social and open with my friends but its hard for me to talk to groups of people (even if its just like 10-15 people) and people im not that close to

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

hmmm nope

13. What about ‘R’?

nope

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

UM NOPE PROBABLY NOT

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

g o d y e s

16. Are you going out of town soon?

i dont think i am

17. When was the last time you cried?

uhhh tuesday? yeah tuesday

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

yeyeye

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

mmm maybe... i kinda want a lighter brown but idk

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

PARK CHANYEOL PARK CHANYEOL PARK CHANYEOL PARK CHANYEOL PARK CHANYEOL PARK–

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

uh well the day im having is over so

idk what i disliked tbh. maybe during lunch when my bf’s friends forced him to sit with my friends and i while at the same forcing me to sit with them

that was so embarrassing lmao

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

YES YES YES YES YES except i got acne and shit on my forehead so its kinda gross

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

mmmm nah

24. What are you sitting on right now?

my bed

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

yeye!! my best friend aleks!!

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

GOD Y E S

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

aleks!!

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

nah

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

caltech

30. Does anyone hate you?

yeah definitely lmao

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

nah

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

eh not really but i’ll watch them anyway

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

nah

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

probably freshman year

35. Did you have a dream last night?

none that i recall

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

yesterday?? i think

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

mmm probably not

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

umm yes?? hopefully my bf???

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

y e s??? h ope f u l ly my b f????

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

mmm yeah! i would consider it a good day

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

nah

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

mmmm i dont think i will

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

mmm probably aleks but idk i dont remember. in a romantic way, no one

44. What’s the best part about school?

def my friends

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

yep

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

mmm nah bc all my teachers have been so chill with my friends and i bc we’re like the smart group of kids

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

Y E S

48. Were you single over the last summer?

yep

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

oh god no. if my life were anything like two years ago i would probably be dead by now

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

sleeping lmao

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

nahh

52. Are you nice to everyone?

i try to be but if someone pisses me off lmao i’ll go off on them

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yepppp (i had a crush on two of my gay friends lmao)

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

ofc!! cheating is literally the worst thing you could do in a relationship (besides kill them...)

plus i dont wanna hurt jaydon by cheating on him omg :((

also who tf would i cheat on him with wtf

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

mmm yeah. not so much online but in person im p good at hiding my feelings

56. Do you think you like someone?

uh???? yes????

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

GOD I WISH

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

lmao this is a dumb question

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

probably franchesca

60. Do you hate anyone?

GOD YES

61. How’s your heart?

its... p okay rn i guess. i got some insecurities still but im in a good place rn i think

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

yeah kinda

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

lmao who do u think i am? of course i have

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

probably zu

65. Are your toenails painted pink?

nah

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

mmm i hope not!!

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

i mean. sure? if he did it in front of me, i’d be glad that hes being open but i cant imagine jaydon crying lmao

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

nah

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

mmmm rene or kat

70. How do you look right now?

like a mess

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

yes!!!!

72. Can you commit to one person?

OFC

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

mmm yeah

74. Have you ever felt replaced?

oh my god yes

75. Did you wake up cranky?

today? a little bit

76. Are you a jealous person?

yeah i get p jealous and paranoid easily

77. Are relationships ever worth it?

yes!! maybe not if u get rlly bad paranoia and anxiety but im trying to work past my paranoia and rlly enjoy this

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

nope

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

y e ss

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

go to a roller rink!!

81. Last person you cried in front of?

uhhh i dont think ive cried in front of someone in y e a r s

82. Is there someone you will never forget?

my best friend from 3rd grade

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

lmao i would like to think he is but im not sure, i’d have to ask

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

probably watching a movie. i rlly wanna watch train to busan with someone (preferrably him lmao)

85. Are you over your past?

more or less

i still think about the past year or two with kat, alex, and tay but everything before then im p okay with

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

y e

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

yep

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

first true love??? uh??? true love is a dumb concept???

also my first love already apologized for being a dick to me and i already accepted it lmao

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

uh no thanks

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

mmm nah

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

i hope so!!

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

yepp and hes a loser senior :^)))

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

nope

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

nope

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

i mean??? i guess?? he was also kind of a dick

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

ye shes p cute (it was aleks lmao)

97. Who do you have texts from?

what does this even mean

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

i would honestly cry but even if i felt crushed (which i would be) i wouldn’t be surprised bc i think all the time that im not good enough for him. besides that, i feel like the last option tbh. like after leeloo and franchesca, its me, and i know im probably overthinking that but i cant help but feel that way. so yeah i’d probably tell him its doesnt surprise me but i’d still be upset

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

nope

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?

uhhh thats chanyeol

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

nah

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

yes!!!!

#98 is one of the only ones i put effort into lmao #i reblogged that post just so i could answer 98 #thank you for asking!!! <3 #Anonymous

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