#small stakh also there

[colubersfiancee]

кокет утопия (старое)

[galaxy-fleur]

Ask for your ocs: what's your, like, ideal date situation (like, partner, location, activities, aftermath [😉])?

Hmm, now this is interesting, especially considering how chaotic and busy their daily lives are!

William is a hopeless romantic at heart. He's a writer! It's basically in his DNA! He keeps that side of him under wraps, though, as he had bad luck with love in the past, getting stuck in relationships where he felt stupid for his wants and needs. But it's still very much in there, and it will come out eventually if he feels safe. He's a bit of a dreamer, getting swept up in all the butterflies and fuzziness that being around someone he loves brings. His ideal date needs to be romantic, first and foremost. It doesn't have to be anything big and loud, he's not one for too much attention, anyways. But something like a romantic picnic out in a botanical garden, or a quiet boat ride under the stars? Oh, he'd definitely go crazy over that. It's important for him to get some alone time with his partner where they both can be fully honest with each other. No worries over being seen and judged. He'd still get dressed to the nines, though. For him, he's as much of a giver as he is a receiver, so he'd be happy to arrange the date himself, or be the one who gets spoiled instead. For him, an ideal date would be something that allows him to connect to his partner on a deeper, more vulnerable level.

Natasha doesn't really think much about love or relationships at all. Not until her feelings hit her square in the face, and she just has to deal with it. It happened with Chaewon, and it happened with Leon. But when it comes to her in an actual romantic relationship: she's very much a giver. Almost to a fault, and she does work on it with time and personal growth. She learns to accept things as they are and not feel obligated to her loved ones whenever they show her kindness. That said, she still prefers to be the one planning an outing and doing something to surprise the one she loves! She is happiest when she knows she made her partner feel valued. So, hm... something like her planning a surprise outing to that one dinner place they were talking to her about a few weeks ago, or buying concert tickets for the group they wanted to see. She's not big on words with her love, but she does make her partner feel heard and appreciated with her actions. I think something like a nice conversation after the date as they go back home, or a quiet moment of intimacy, like taking a warm bath together, is also something she'd enjoy a whole lot. For her, an ideal date would be something that makes her partner happy, and thus making her feel more connected to them.

Dave has been on plenty of dates in his time, most of them... not all that serious. He's not as much about the mushiness of romance as he is about relaxing with someone and just having fun. That said, he does want his partner to have fun, too. Very much so. It's important for him to see them laughing and being happy. He enjoys bars, clubs, street performances, food trucks, ect. Nothing expensive and fancy, but instead something that makes you feel connected to some sort of larger community. Something that lets you just let got of your worries for a couple of hours. If his partner is fine with that? A night of drunken laughter, dancing, some mischief and even troublemaking until they are both out of breath and laughing - is the perfect night for him. If his partner is on the quieter side? That's fine too! Dave is a very adaptive guy. Probably something like visiting his favorite local food truck - the owner being one of his many buddies of course - and just enjoying a walk through the city with some shopping is just fine with him. For him, an ideal date would be something that allows him to just forget about the world and focus on the present with his partner.

Chaewon is not big on going out, but she is big on making her partner happy. One of the reasons her relationship with Natasha didn't work out was because they are both such massive givers in their relationships. For Chaewon, it's not as harmful as in Natasha's case, though. She simply prefers to be the one to spoil and care for her partner because it makes her happy to see them happy, not because of any feelings of guilt or indebtedness to them. Her ideal date would be doing something that her and her partner both enjoy. Or maybe one of them trying out a new hobby/skill that the other is good at. Be it Chaewon trying out something like crocheting (and failing terribly), or her teaching her partner martial arts. She usually hates going out of her comfort zone, since she doesn't like feeling like a fool, but if she loves someone? That means she trusts them. And she knows they wouldn't make her feel stupid for not getting it right at first try. For her, her ideal date would be something that allows her to share an activity with her partner, and grow closer to them as a result.

Wendy does not really go out on dates much, at least, there is no label of a date being involved. Sure, she did enjoy quite a few dates in her lifetime, men and women alike, but most of them were more about achieving some specific goal than actual romantic connection. Be it fishing out some information or getting the person on her side through some smart flattery. But a real, honest date? Hm... I think it'll be rather isolated and private. Probably something both her and her partner agreed upon in advance instead of it being a surprise. Perhaps a private dinner on the roof of her apartment... or a private slow dancing to some old timey romantic tunes playing in the background. Something to just relax and let go of the world for a moment. It'll still be fancy, of course. But it'll also be authentic in a way that's not usual for her. The date itself will be more about shared conversations than the food or the drinks, although those are very pleasant bonuses. It's simple, in a way that is often overlooked, but it's meaningful regardless. For her, an ideal date would be something that makes her open up and connect to someone on a level she hadn't before.

Aruna is cheery and adventurous, but she's also a raging workaholic practically living in her lab (seriously, sometimes she spends multiple days in a row there, nobody approves, but she's too stubborn to listen). You'd think a relationship with her would be fairly easy, but no. Unless her partner is someone who can relate to her feelings of living through her job, or they're in a similar position, I fear it would be a struggle. Either way, the point is that Aruna doesn't really do dates. Not usually. Her idea of a date is spending lunch break together, sharing news and getting to enjoy each other's company for a small while. Not what you would call the most romantic of dates. That said, I do think, on some rare occasion, she would like to just relax with her partner. Be it by booking a full spa day together, or going away to rent out a small cozy cabin out in the woods away from all the duties and all the responsibilities. Just... forget about the rest of the world for these few hours and focus on each other. For once, she'll talk about something else other than work. Although a few science-related anecdotes are still a given. For her, an ideal date would be something that allows her to clear her head and rejuvenate with her partner.

[indigo-constellation]

Your changeling!Daniil is amazing. Your Clara Burakh is amazing. Your totally-normal-scientist (who totally didn't do anything like Jack the Ripper and Victor Frankenstein in the capital! only ethically sourced bodies here!) Artemiy is amazing.

Clara as Haruspex is breaking my heart especially! The way you wrote her being friends with the kids - how Artemiy was once with Stakh, Grief and Lara - and how she has a foreboding feeling she won't belong with them once it is all over, because her role is to protect them, not be one of them! Rat man still found a way to be mean my girl 😭 Also she and Grace are so sweet. Wanted to say that Grace's name (Ласка) in Russian has double meaning: 1) weasel (animal); 2) tenderness. Do with that as you will~

Also Daniil (both of them) is so good as a changeling. I loved that quiet moment he had with Clara on the stage, where they say how odd it is to play like that. Love the eyes of the "twins" being what sets them apart, too! Raven feels like he wants to be a bad guy, but can't quite bring himself. Regretful plague that is also a dead man who is alive but only because the sickness is. Snake being so gentle and kind and seemingly having some sort of planning he doesn't fully share even with the reader. Also Daniil speaking Hebrew! I gasped when I realised. It's also a fun contrast to him only speaking in Latin in the game, especially if we still to see him as Jewish. Makes me really want to see how you'd write bachelor!Daniil! Want to take a look inside his head! I know what I shall read next.

Artemiy having a worst imposter syndrome out of all of them because of coming back home where he was supposed to take on his father's role and finding the man who was a founder of a project that could be called Artemiy's life work is comedy gold. Also his little sister literally living the life he refused! 10/10 no notes. Artemiy and his unfun coming-home-to-steppe party! 🥳 Roots, Rain and Reflection is secretly a comedy.

Thank you for writing this amazing role reversal, don't think I will be able to get it out of my head.

tumblr is so annoying bc I had a whole response and then it got deleted roijepigjetiuheoigj let me try to write what I can remember and hopefully do it better

I literally screamed when I read this ask btw thank you so much

the healers in this fic are so incredibly dear to me and I love them so much, I love getting to focus on them, yes Artemy's organs and cadavers as ethically sourced and fresh as he can get them :D

Haruclara truly deserves so much, she doesn't fit into the Termites despite being a kid herself, half because of the way she was raised and half because of the nature of the story and the separation of Healers and Bound. While also having messy connections with the other two Healers. I really wish I could have more Grara but this is primarily p1 focused so the Bound's role is limited (the amount of Yulia/Rubin/Lara/Aspity I had to cut- istg I was so excited to have an Aspity and Artemy interaction on day 6 but it would've been too long) I will keep what you said in mind though! thank you ^^

Changeniil has been so write, he keeps so much of himself hidden, so getting to reveal those small bits of him like in that theatre bit are great. The hands and the eyes being the main things to distinguish the twins Dankovsky is fun because those are two things Pathologic focuses on a lot, though I will say that there might be more later on. The Raven is a miserable wet beast, the idea behind the twins has been that different bits of Daniil are split up, so and what's fun about that is that it's Plagueniil that has the idealism. He's a fucked up guy held together only by spite and disease but he cares so much it hurts him. The Snake is also a creature, truly, he knows his plan, Raven knows his plan (and doesn't like it at all), and I know how it will fail, the narrators being unreliable is such a fun part of patho. I always write Daniil as Jewish (because he is to me lol) but specifically Daniil I think fits with Hebrew because it is a revived language and as a guy who is trying to defeat death I think it would suit him (also revived language and revived Daniil was an intentional choice) I will say though, idk how well my old writing holds up bc my writing got a lot better while writing roleswap so go at your own risk lol

Finally, Bachtemy, a dearly beloved fool <3 he used to have a much bigger conflict with Daniil about Daniil not being who Artemy expected him to be and that being a lot more angsty but then I started writing that scene and it turned out gay so nice. There's a lot about Artemy I'm planning to go into in chapter 7 so look out for that. Artemy is also 100% the character I get to make the funniest, truly the comedian of the cast, I am putting him in the blender as I write this.

thank you again for this!! sorry with inflicting you with the thinking about it curse lol, it's happened to a few people as I've seen and idk how to fix that (I am also infected I cannot stop thinking abt this au) but this long ask really made me so happy to see and I'm so glad you're enjoying it!!

[meirimerens]

in your mind's eye, is stakh peter's first romantic partner? if not, then what kind of men (and women) he would date?

sorry for the late reply i was looking at an acephalic roman marble copy of a bronze greek athena Yes it took 13 hours Now Yes i think he is. elaborating because i Love Lore + putting it in writing allows me to Rember so multiple reasons

i think it is a nice contrast with andrey who has enough lover to raise a small army (weapons included possibly). the hoeless and the hoeful.

while the peter we see in-game is Fucked Uppppp from the Farkhad Incident i think he was also kinda off his hinges before (#respectful, i'm off them myself) and kinda difficult to handle as a lover. or even as a person frankly. 2.5. you gotta have big strong hands to handle him and the people of the capital kinda too soft-grasped.

in correspondance with 1. & 2. i think peter is pickier about his lovers, or his entourage in general. i think he's been courted in art school but they were so plebian to him he did not fw them. he also needs to #build something #deep and #powerful with someone before lovermode gets activated (again in contrast to andrey, who's way more casual about these things) and he both Is Difficult To Like as a person and Has Difficulties Liking

while you asked for the kind of people in the Peter Already Dated instance, i will still say it because i think it fits the answer anyways: he gravitates towards People Who Strive For Greatness, For Greater-Than-Themselves: this is why in-game he expresses fondness (mixed of fear) for the Kain women (someone asked a while ago how i considered his praises of either maria or nina they asked: this is what his deal is), and in my mind's eye gravitated towards farkhad -> this resulted in The Incident, especially considering farkhad is also Literally Great As In Tall, Like Taller Than The Twins, and it did peter's mind upside down sideways and all ways.

but actually 4.5 -> this is literally what the peterstakh deal is. rubin is Literally Great As In Tall and peter's brain melted. all blood drained from it went somewhere else. he has the big hands to handle him. literally this

[natasha-in-space]

Charmed

Butler!SE Saeran/princess!cmc Natasha Stakh;

Saeran is a devoted butler to the young princess Natalie, the only way for him to escape his father's clutches and live a somewhat free life. He was resolved to this being his new normal, having no choice but to do what is expected of him, or face ruthless consequences. What he wasn't expecting is to eventually find himself feeling more affection for the very same princess he is meant to serve, than is allowed.

AO3 link.

Picrews used for the banner: Saeran, Natasha

Becoming a butler for the royal family is not something Saeran had done by choice. In fact, the mere thought of dedicating his entire existence to serving someone who was inherently superior to him in every way made him feel sick to his stomach. It was a rather cruel irony, really. One he had to eventually come to terms with, whether he wanted to or not. And that is the simple fact that his form of 'freedom' looked like yet another rope tied around his throat, just looser than the last one.

Despite all of his efforts, at the end of the day, he is unable to escape from his own flesh and blood.

He would never wish upon anyone to be born a bastard. His life has been already preplanned for him even before he took his first breath. Simply because of the identity of his parents. His father, to be more exact. A man with enough power under his fingertips to rid himself of anyone he deemed unfit to be associated with his image. For reasons both big and small. He and his brother had to survive in a state of fear, hunger, and isolation for as long as he can remember. Living out their childhood years in fear of being pursued and killed at any corner. Their mother's constant violent outbursts and heavy drinking was only yet another morbid detail to add to this messed up painting that was their life.

And, although Saeran didn't want to admit it, deep inside, he knew Saeyoung was the only reason he was even still alive. Getting them both jobs under the royal family of a neighboring kingdom was also his brother's achievement, not his own. What frustrated Saeran most of all is all the secrecy around this 'sweet' deal. A part of him still felt bitter and hurt over Saeyoung not trusting him enough to just tell him what this deal really meant for them both. And while his older twin had the strength and resilience to become a knight... all he was good for is serving as a butler. To the young princess, to be exact.

Saeyoung would never let him get his hands on a blade, anyways.

Not the life he would have dreamed of, but... Saeran has learned not to dream anymore a long time ago.

The young man briskly makes his way through the luxurious hallways of the castle on his way to princess Natalie's bedroom in the early morning. As always, he already ensured his sharp suit looked pristine by thoroughly checking over his appearance in the long full-body mirror that was so graciously placed in his bed chambers. He would always make sure he looked acceptable to be seen before even thinking of stepping foot outside. The only thing that is out of order is his collar, which was left just slightly loose. Not enough to notice at first glance, but just enough for him to rid himself of the constant pressure against his throat that would make his fingers itch to tug the cursed tie away.

He doesn't particularly like having his clothes restrict his breathing... And these suits were rather stuffy as it is. The brushing of his red unruly locks was done somewhat hastily but gracefully nonetheless. His dark circles under his eyes were a flaw impossible to remove, though.

He is required to look presentable as a butler for a member of royalty, after all.

Finally, he reaches his destination and takes a deep breath before knocking rhythmically on the princess' door. Though, he is quickly left feeling puzzled by the lack of an answer this time around. Despite him standing by the door for a couple more minutes patiently, she never openes it to greet him like she usually would.

There is a mix of annoyance and concern filling his chest. On the one hand, he grew slightly worried about the princess. What if something had happened to her? God knows members of the royal family were always a sought-after target for all kinds of immoral things. He should know, even if he's not technically royalty. More like a dirty roach that refuses to die, no matter how much his father had tried over the years. On the other hand, however, he had a pretty good idea on what was likely going on here. And he was not particularly fond of it. Saeran sheds a heavy sigh.

He would rather not have her hurt in any way, but he thought he had taught her better than that at this point. If his guess is indeed correct, it was definitely for someone of the royal family. Then again, Natalie - or, Natasha as she has asked him to call her behind closed doors, much to his own bewilderment - was never that becoming of a conventional member of the royal family.

Although he has a gruff huff falling from his lips, Saeran still enters her bedroom without any further warning. He doesn't feel at all surprised when what he sees is a big lump huddled on the bed, hidden under the fluffy covers and not caring about a single thing happening around it. With a roll of his eyes, he slams the door shut, a bit louder than necessary, in order to wake the unlucky princess when he approached her bed.

"...You're supposed to be awake by this time, you know?"

"-Wah!"

The aforementioned princess instantly jolts upright with a startled squeak in response to the loud slam of the door, looking around with panicked and disoriented eyes. If there was any doubt in Saeran's mind before now, it has disappeared by now. She was obviously sound asleep. Once she sees that Saeran was the source of her sudden awakening, though, she lets out a huge breath of relief and falls back onto the bed, groaning from her jerky movements just now.

"I, uh... overslept. A little." She mumbles groggily, sounding almost like a guilty child who just got caught stealing from the cookie jar.

Saeran can only roll his eyes for the second time this morning, crossing his arms over his chest. Sometimes he seriously wonders how in the world had she managed to survive in the ruthless world of royalty up until now. Nothing about her screams of pompous nobility, except for her extravagant surroundings. Whether this is a good thing, or a bad thing, he isn't so sure.

"You overslept? Overslept, huh...? How very, very unbecoming of you." He says sternly. "What if it was the Queen who had entered your chambers instead of me? You'd be punished for sure."

He walks on over towards the princess, still laying under her fluffy blankets on the bed, getting ever closer to her as he spoke. "Am I not guiding you properly? I told you yesterday to be sure to wake up early in the morning. To dress and be ready. You have an important day ahead of you. And what do you do instead?"

It is a rather peculiar scene. A butler scolding his princess. Though, their dynamic was almost backwards. In a way, Saeran never thought much of the fact that he could behave like this towards the one he was meant to serve, and not worry about getting punished. In fact, in the last six months of his service to her, Natasha had never once used her inherent position of power over him.

Maybe that's why he is so open with her.

"It's not like I can control it! Not my fault I sleep like a log..." Natasha whines, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she sits back up in bed, her long hair cascading messily down her back and shoulders. "Usually Mrs. Brown wakes me up... But, she left on a trip with my father yesterday, so I have to wake up on my own. And I found this very interesting book last night, and I swear intended to go to sleep right after reading a couple of chapters, but..."

Saeran sighs. From what he has learned so far, Mrs. Brown was Princess Natalie's personal maid from her young age, serving her with the utmost devotion a servant could possess within them. In fact, castle rumors have it that the princess considers Mrs. Brown to be more of a mother figure than the Queen herself. It was probably not so surprising, considering that Mrs. Brown was there by her side as she grew up throughout the years, while her mother was always too preoccupied with her royal duties.

He thinks there are definitely some drawbacks to being royalty. He refuses to let her slack off like that, though. It is his duty to keep the princess in check. Especially over something like this. So, he keeps it up with his scolding tone.

"You still don't wake alone?" There is a hint of irritation in his tone when he says it. "Even so, why are you still in your nightgown? Don't you ever get ready in the morning? Or do you need someone to do it for you?"

He continues to move closer. As he does, he notices how messy her hair looked... Princess Natalie's luscious dark hair reached all the way down to her waist in length, but it was usually put up into a proper hairstyle fit for a princess. Right now, though, she looks almost like an average young woman who just woke up in her bed with bedhair and all. And, paradoxically, he can't help but note how pretty she looked in spite of it. Or maybe because of it. He finds this to be more authentic than anything he has seen from her yet.

His heart rate increases slightly.

"Didn't I tell you to dress... like... proper royalty is supposed to do?"

"I just woke up!" Natasha huffs at him a little. And, admittedly, she has a point. He is starting to talk nonsense, for whatever reason.

That only makes him double down on his approach, though.

"Still!" Saeran says. "Do you know what would happen if anyone else saw you in this... state?"

He looks around, feeling oddly upset about the idea. It was a serious source of frustration for him. Or maybe that's what he'd like to think.

"It's improper, unbecoming-"

He pauses his rant abruptly, but his attention is piqued by her sleepy green eyes staring back up at him in a mix of confusion and slight irritability. He leans closer to examine them. Now that he thinks about it, he never saw Natasha be genuinely angry before. She would grow frustrated at his scoldings, yes, but instead of screaming at him or using her authority over him, she would just pout and huff. Like they were not a mere a servant and a princess. Like they were actual equals who could allow themselves to be direct and honest with each other.

Honesty was something he lacked in his life.

"...You look adorable." He mumbles without any thought. His musings don't make him any less upset, but... he can't help admiring her.

He doesn't even realize he actually said his inner thoughts outloud. Not until he sees her reaction.

She blinks, clearly astonished by his sudden comment. It probably seemed pretty obvious that he didn't even intend to say that outloud. Which is exactly the case.

"Uh... Thank... you...?" She replies rather clumsily, clearly unsure of how to respond to that. Curse their shared ineptness at dealing with compliments.

Saeran quickly comprehends what he actually just said after witnessing her reaction. He feels embarrassed. He quickly looks away to collect himself, clearing his throat and ignoring the heat rushing to his cheeks.

Better act like nothing happened.

"So... do you have a specific gown in mind for today?" In an effort to stay on track, he asks. "The Queen will be here in 10 minutes. You still haven't even started getting ready."

He is still embarrassed by what he said, which is exactly why he is so eager to change the focus of the conversation as soon as possible.

Her eyes quickly go wide, and all signs of sleep disappear almost in an instant.

"In ten minutes!? Why didn't you say so from the start!?"

Natasha almost leaps out of bed, with the utmost grace of a young doe, hastily opening her closet doors and grabbing the very first gown she touches. It seems like the notion of being chewed out by her mother first thing in the morning quickly rids her of her morning sleepiness. He should keep that in mind for future... incidents.

Particularly as this is definitely not the first time this has happened.

Saeran's eyebrows raise slightly when she reacts so abruptly to his comment. He can't help but admire her speed, though, as he observes her quickly looking for a gown to wear.

"That's what I was trying-" As she finds a dress for today, he stops speaking. His eyes widen ever so slightly as he takes in the dress and its... details. "Uh... not that gown. That won't do."

His words come out in an awkward gruff mumble, and his heart suddenly beats faster in his chest, for a reason completely unknown to him. Just a natural response to her peculiar choice in garments. Nothing else.

Natasha only groans, though, seemingly not noticing his rather stunted response whatsoever. "I don't have time to sort through my wardrobe. Whatever gown I grabbed will have to do."

And so, she simply dashes into her closet, not even giving him a chance to call out after her or respond. He is supposed to help her get dressed, since they were in such a predicament... But, it seems like she was just fine with doing so on her own. In fact, she works rather quickly to change out of her nightgown and slip into the dress she has grabbed. Saeran was content to just sigh and focus his antsy energy on making her bed while she changes. With a huff, she soon darts out of the closet after approximately five or so minutes, much to his amazement. Even though he can clearly observe several flaws he'll have to fix for her later. His eye was always better trained to notice these small but important details, after all.

He looks down at her figure, inspecting the gown as it sits upon her now. The dress is crafted from fine silk, in sleek shades of blue and black, accentuated by a silver trim. The fabric hugs her petite body in all the right ways, its cut allowing for subtle movements without compromising modesty. Though it is still a modest design, the fit and fabric gives it a somewhat seductive air nonetheless. But, at the moment, she is obviously far too focused on avoiding her mother's annoying lectures to care. Without noticing his rather blatant staring, she hurriedly grabs a comb and attempts to reshape her hair.

It appears that she was not performing well. Her hair is far too long and thick for it to accommodate such jerk and rash movements.

Saeran finds himself quietly chuckling and shaking his head. Did she lack all knowledge on how to take care of herself properly? How ungraceful of her. For some reason, he finds it appealing to observe, though.

He likes her ungraceful and fumbling like this.

Saeran observes her getting ready for a few self-indulgent moments. He has to admit that she looked really pretty. Not that he'd ever tell her that. At least, he hopes so, considering that earlier incident of him just blurting out his inner thoughts to her without any filter put in place.

He looks away, but he can't help sneaking a look at her waist while she is fixing the dress and trying on some loose ribbons. How she looks at this moment is making him feel... funny... and he feels very much embarrassed about it.

"I can help you get your hair looking proper..." He mumbles softly, his voice quiet and barely audible.

"Oh, please do." Natasha responds, putting her hands on the table while sighing. He is able to observe that she is already feeling quite tired. Which isn't all that surprising, since she just jumped out of bed so quickly and had to get ready in such a hurry. Moving so rashly without giving her body a chance to fully wake up is not good for her well-being. He supposes that the thought of dealing with another lecture on proper etiquette from her mother is much more intimidating for her, though.

Saeran sighes as he observes her exhaustion. Without a doubt, this princess was a different sort of breed entirely.

He walkes on slowly towards her and starts combing through her long locks of hair, making careful adjustments here and there. Despite his gruff tone, his touch is oddly light and careful. Not a single tug can be felt, and his fingers effortlessly work through each individual knot with the grace only the finest of servants could brag about. Then again, he was considered one of the most valued staff in the castle due to his skills alone. Believe it or not, he is more than capable of maintaining the proper appearance of a perfect butler.

He is able to breathe freely when he is alone with princess Natalie behind closed doors, however. Maybe a part of him is taking care of her by his own volition at this point in time... He isn't so sure anymore.

"How did you get it this messy? You're like a bird's nest." He mumbles, attempting to avoid looking at her exposed neck while working on her hair. He is putting in a lot of effort. Maybe a bit too much.

Why does it appear so smooth and soft, anyway?

"I slept." Natasha replies clearly. Well, he can't really say much about that.

"...Of course you did." Saeran murmurs.

After verifying that her hair is smooth and free of any more knots, he carefully braids it into a bubble braid. He doesn't want to completely put her hair up like it usually is today, for some reason. He likes it better like this. It fit her better. When completed, he takes a small step back and keeps adjusting her hair here and there, making sure that it looks flawless, as well as fixing up some flaws on her gown.

Despite all that, he is careful not to accidentally brush his fingers against the bare skin of her neck or collarbones.

Natasha breaths out a huge sigh of relief once she knows she looks presentable enough, so that her mother won't have anything to nag her about when she inevitably comes in. "Oh thank God. I thought I was a goner."

Saeran tries not to laugh.

"Now," He utters, clearing his throat. "Don't ever let me see you in such an... unbecoming state again."

He tries to conceal his flustered state by clearing his throat again. Is it just him or is the air in here a bit stuffy today? He should really open up the windows once all is done.

"Go on, the Queen will arrive soon." He speaks while stepping away from her.

"Like you wake up all preppy and suited up. Then again, with how snooty you are, I will not be surprised to know that you sleep with your dress shoes still on and in full three piece suit." Natasha snorts and rolls her eyes at him in the mirror.

Saeran's breath catches in his throat. His scoldings are met with a cheeky response from her that he was not expecting. This was certainly getting improper. But that's not what is on his mind right now.

"-Shut up," No matter how hard he tries, his face flushes red again as he mumbles. "That's not how I sleep. I just-"

He gets cut off while trying to gather his bearings.

God, she got him well.

"...Don't be insolent. Get ready for the Queen. Understand?"

The merry smile now tugging at the corners of her lips suggests that his reply did not help much with his predicament.

"What? Don't like the taste of your own medicine, hm?" Natasha chuckles at his reaction, shaking her head. It is definitely fortunate that she doesn't tease him any more, instead choosing to sit on the bed and rest her head. All that panicked preparation probably left her feeling a bit woozy, especially since she literally just woke up mere minutes ago. So, he can't really blame her for wanting to take a breather for a moment or two.

Her snickers cause Saeran to narrow his eyes, though. He doesn't like being the one who gets put on the spot like that.

"Shut up," He mumbles again and moves closer to her side. He observes her sitting on her bed and then sighs, his shoulders lowering as he visibly relaxed. "Don't get too comfortable. I still need you to be ready by the time the Queen arrives."

"I will, I will." Natasha waves her hand in a dismissive manner. "I just need to rest my head for a moment, I feel all woozy after jumping straight out of bed and getting myself in check in less than ten minutes."

Saeran sighs again, his eyes fixed on her face.

"Just... don't fall asleep." He mumbles. He doesn't want to hear her snore... or, more importantly, he doesn't want to hear how cute her snores must have sounded.

...He seriously needs to clear his head.

"Who do you take me for? I don't fall asleep so haphazardly." Natasha puffs out her cheeks, seemingly feeling a bit insulted. She is not taking it seriously, of course, he can see that clear as day. Moreover, it's not like she can blame him for thinking that in the first place. She is a big disorganized mess without him there to keep her in check. And she is pretty self-aware, compared to most of her relatives. "-And you said she was going to be here in ten minutes! Who did I dress up as quickly as a racing horse for?"

"Well... The Queen didn't mention what time she'd be coming, only that she will eventually be here. And I'm glad you got dressed quickly... Because..." Saeran halts himself from saying it. He is unable to express his liking for the look of her figure, especially with the dress she is wearing.

Thankfully, the princess is far too caught off-guard by his sneaky trick to pay any mind to his wandering looks.

"What!? So I could get dressed in my own pace without any worry!? Why'd you trick me like that!?" Natasha huffs and gazes at him with clear irritation. Though, it still looks more amusing than scary. He doesn't feel any fear in her presence.

"Because... Because I'm your butler." Saeran has a slightly teasing tone in that last part, just to poke a little fun at her. "And I have to make sure that you are awake and prepared at all times, you know?”

With a smug gaze, he leans closer to her and looks at her eyes.

"Even if it meant lying to you…"

Her face is filled with an annoyed expression. She straightens her back, seemingly trying to appear like a figure of authority to him. It doesn't work. "Lying to your princess is a serious offense, Mr. Choi."

Saeran smiles, feeling pretty confident all of the sudden. He doesn't even notice that he is genuinely smiling right now. How long has it been since he showed a true smile to someone?

"But, what can the princess do about it?"

He shifts his gaze from her eyes to her lips.

"Nothing," He murmurs, almost under his breath.

He sees her eyes widen, hears her breath hitch ever so slightly, feels the air around them thicken in a way that is oddly unfamiliar to him, yet so alluring. Seconds feel like hours, and his heart is suddenly pounding so hard, he can hear it echoing in his temples.

The unmistakable sound of a door being open breaks apart the silent moment, as they both jolt apart so quickly, it's almost like they got burned by one another. Saeran is quickly thrust back into reality once he sees the Queen's firm gaze boring into him, and he wastes no time backing a proper distance away and bowing his head. His movements shakier than usual.

He doesn't know whether the Queen actually saw... whatever that was, and whether or not it will result in some consequences on his behalf. She doesn't give out any clues. Merely excusing him out of the room and turning her attention towards her daughter.

As Saeran walks through the halls, almost in a daze, a single thought keeps circling around in his head.

...What was that?

[shmowder]

Say your post mentioning stakh as bpd coded and that’s so such a good take but may I also offer Clara also being bpd coded a big part of her route is her trying to prove she's good because she can either be good or bad no inbetween which reads of black and white thinking plus She's self destructive, harming herself in order to heal others…I have more reasons but I’m too tired to remember lol but she reads of being bpd coded too me as well!! Honestly Daniil also reads as having bpd too me as well though he reads more of having petulant borderline while Clara reads to me of having discouraged borderline (half of this is probably me projecting but I also think I’m on to something!)

Typing this out is making me wonder how the healers would be with someone close to them who has bpd….

Clara being borderline is such a big brain move. It explains a lot of her more extreme actions in an attempt to fix things. Like how she ran away from home in P2 because she extremely adored the two adopted parents she barely knew for a week and didn't want her growing bad reputation to hurt them.

Her mind immediately went to the worst-case scenario and decided they must hate her now for it. Deciding to follow through with her extreme plan without consulting anyone or telling them.

Especially with how she is genuinely a good person at heart, she really wants to cure the most amount of people, to prefrom a miracle and save everything. She is both loathed and revered, no in between.

Mention of cluster B personality disorders, depression, self-destructive behaviour, and suicide below.

Yet she is sometimes mean in conversations because you made fun of her dreams, even just as a joke or a small dig. It becomes personal to her and she loses faith in the Haruspex and Bachelor for not having taking her seriously.

God, her magical power that forces people to tell the truth and nothing else. It sounds like heaven to someone with bpd who is prone to overthinking. For once, you get concrete evidence that the people around you aren't lying or faking it, and yet your brain still doesn't accept it. Yet Clara still falls victim to paranoia sometimes, and the "what ifs?"

There is a sense of self detachment that comes with Clara, a shaky view on her own self. While other people would gaze into a mirror and see themselves, instead of a reflection, Clara can only spot a blurry distorted shadow staring back at her. Who is she? Is she what the people really say she is? But then, not even they fully agree on what she is.

Other people's views become important to substitute for a stable self image, Clara wants others to follow her, to believe in her virtues so she may too believe in herself. If no soul out there shows her love, she might just crumble into dust.

She requires their approval, but she resents needing it. She hates that she functions best when other people have faith in her.

Her views on people shift and change frequently, friends become foes, and foes become aids in time of strife. Doesn't she step over her own dignity twice to ask the Haruspex for help in P2? The constant push and pull in her brain to do better while burning the candle at both ends.

Stubbornly insisting she can solve everything alone and other people should stop meddling, the fact her powers stop working if she doesn't believe in them. It is literal in-game but it also feels like an allegory for how debilitating of a prison the mind can be sometimes, isolating you and spinning a false narrative for you, distorting your view on reality and making you sure this is how everyone must feel because you are just so out of touch with your own emotions you cannot argue otherwise.

-

For Daniil, I see him more of bi-polar than borderline. His dialogue switches fast between "really polite, heartfelt and sincere" and "cold, detached and skeptical"

In one interaction in P1, your only two dialogue choices are either to insult someone or blatantly flirt with them. No middle choice.

It could also explain why people view him as rude? He isn't rude most of the time. But when he is suddenly cold after being a gentleman for a while, it becomes more shocking and exaggerates his minor offence in people's views.

He is dismissive of Clara to her face, but when asked about her in a different scene, he compliments her behind her back. Daniil criticises the kin, but when someone does the same in the marble nest, Daniil is quick to contradict them and defend the kin. Calling their language beautiful and saying correlation isn't causation so don't go blaming the plague on them.

he is vendective in a way, too stubbornly attached to his own principles and beliefs with very little room for compromise. If people want to cure this plague, they must listen to him and do as they're told, even inviting the other healers along to be his aid. Medicum morbo adhibere.

He doesn't waste time when he talks, he gets straight to the core of the subject in the first sentence. I mean look at how he starts most of his conversations:

The most polite greeting you get out of him during the whole game is "Hey." To no fault of his own, people automatically assume he is being purposely cold because someone so learned in etiquette wouldn't behave this way otherwise. But this is just how he functions and how his brain works. He treats people as they treat him. When Victor Kain pulls the prolonged courtesy greeting in P1, Daniil follows along and reciprocates the polite words. He can do the song and dance too when someone else starts it. He just prefers not to start it himself.

Which is why Eva gets along so well with him? She lets people be themselves unapologetically and never holds Daniil's abrupt change of tone or mood against him, she continues the conversation business as usual even when he makes a remark that could come off as rude.

No wonder he grows a fondness for her. She allows him to be himself without resentment.

Why Daniil still calls her a lovely woman and how he enjoyed her company in his inner monologue after their first conversation, despite the whole conversation being almost a disaster where Eva tries to get him to stay or get to know him more personally and Daniil dismisses her requests and talks about Thanatica instead. Even has the option to outright tell her just to inform him where the judge is and get to the point. Yet she takes no offence because she knows he means none.

-

Mostly the heightened emotional state perfectly fitting him. He is described as a "renaissance man" because he tried to do everything himself at once at all times. To learn everything there is to learn and to develop as many skills as there is. Considering himself the centre of the universe in a way.

A third person who seems BPD codded to me is Andrey. it wasn't my original idea, firebird963 shared it, and it immediately clicked with me.

However, I think NPD fits him better. Cluster B disorders do tend to overlap.

The way he is always intense with his actions, all his words holding weight to them.

My path was called "Larger Than Life" . There isn't a single boundary I haven't broken. I've done everything I've ever wanted to.

Andrey doesn't change himself and water his emotions for the world, but he changes the world around him to accommodate his emotions and habits.

His constant wish-fullfiment and pleasure chasing is done at the cost of his own well-being, self-destructive behaviour nurtured rather than suppressed or resisted. Even when it dulls his talents and genius mind, the momentary solace is worth it all in his view.

It's probably his unhealthy way of regulating his emotions. He designed every single little detail in the broken heart pub after all and made a small world for his own where he is never challenged or questioned. A safety bubble, but the danger lurks in the inside instead, Andrey is the most dangerous man in the pub at any given time. It's how he feels safe.

Impulsive behaviour becomes the norm, stringing along people in unstable relationships by never allowing them fully inside.

His brother is probably his favourite person in the whole world, making it his life mission to be a guardian to Peter. The only perso he truly fears being abandoned by or losing. The rest of the world might as well not exist to Andrey.

Is Andrey living in delusion? Dissociating from the bleak reality with the help of substances, sex, art and alcohol? Maybe. It could also be his last lifeline, a bad coping mechanism but a coping mechanism nonetheless that convinces him that life is worth it... for now.

As for how the characters would be with a bpd reader, I think Daniil would clock you since day one. That man would psychoanalyse a passing ant if the mood strikes.

-

He is also tactless when he eventually puts 2 and 2 together and just drops the information in a conversation out of the blue.

If you have rejection sensitivity, Daniil might just be the worst to deal with.

But he is also self-aware enough not to judge you for things he himself is guilty of. If you split on him, he wouldn't take it to heart and still assume you're on talking terms the next time he sees you. Don't bother explaining yourself, really it was nothing.

If you pull back, he will chase after you. Daniil might not be the most considerate and too self-absored at times but his actions show how much he cares better than his mouth ever could. He wouldn't let go of someone he deems a friend or more so easily, he wants to know why and see if it's something he can fix.

You are worth the effort, worth the chase and arguments. Worth to convince and softly talk to until the voices of doubts in your mind quiet down enough for you to hear your own self at last.

He recognises the symptoms of episodes, he is observant and aware of your spliting signs. He doesn't view disagreements or petty fights at the end of the world, he'll be here to pick you back up each time you fall down.

Oh, he is still pissed and annoyed about the argument. Don't get him wrong. But he knows these are just lingering past emotions that didn't get a chance to vent out properly. He might be a little passive-aggressive, but he'd rather turn a new page after all. These intense emotions would drown the both of you whole and drag you to the ocean floor if nurtured or given more space than they deserve.

Eva would be a great option. She is considerate, patient, and kind. Reassuring you of her feelings and where you stand to her if your mood shifts too much and you start to forget.

-

Artemy knows a thing or two about repressing his feelings, but for the most part, he rather remains authentic with himself, the good and the bad. Rubin was his childhood best friend, and in Artemy's eyes, he might as well be his best friend.

BPD behaviour doesn't phase him or put him off. He remains calm and collected. He forgives and forgets because he knows you're trying your best, that humans are prone to slipping up.

Some people's emotions are too suffocating for their bodies, so they must exert it out. Sometimes, it comes in the form of snapping at others without meaning to.

Artemy waits it out, if you want to be by yourself he gives you time but still comes to check on you at least once a day. He makes himself appear as a constant, as unshakable as a solid wall you can lean on in times of need.

He's not the best with words and he can't relate to your emotions or feelings. To him, feelings are fleeting and the world is inherently complex and morally grey. There is no objective truth, only the heart knows. What's willed is What's right.

So in his eyes, you're just acting based on your own version of events. It just happened that your reality is distorted to no fault of your own. He bets he'd act the same if he was in your shoes.

Which is why forgiveness comes easy from him, why there will always be a place for you in his arms at the end of the day. His heart tells him it's whats right, he loves you despite it all and you clearly are deserving of love too.

-

With Clara, it would be a platonic love. Maybe she views you as an older sibling figure or a teacher.

Once she realises you're like her, that you feel the things she feels and share the same struggles and horrfic intrusive thoughts. Clara feels immense relief at that notion, that she is not a monster, she is not some horrible creature disgusing as a kid.

She will look up to you, try to emulate your ways of emotional regulation. Entrusts you with her vulnerability and mood switches. She adores her parents but she doesn't want them to see this side of her, she is terrfied she'll disappoint them by appearing under this light.

Rather, she'd confide in you. Let herself be ugly and words speak her truth, for once she isn't a saint or a demon but just a lost kid trying to understand what she's feeling. Trying to comprehend why things come so easily to other people but not to her? why the slighest change in tone or smallest of jokes affect her so much to the verge of tears.

She wants to be strong, to have thicker skin. She hates feeling sensitive and inferior. As if the other person will always have the upper hand in any interaction. She wants to understand herself better because masking all the time is exhausting and she can't keep appearing strong.

-

She might not fully comprehend BPD, but what she understands is love. And if you just happened to need to he reminded of how much love she holds for you when the skies in your mind turn grey, then she'll happily oblige.

It's a great bonus that she is sincere and direct. Even with her disdain and hate, she sees no point in lying and will be honest about her opinion of someone always. Even if she doesn't like them, she tells the haruspex that he scares her and she doesn't want to talk or deal with him. Completely shutting him out and any attempt at a conversation.

Which kinda protects your feelings in a way. Especially when you're feeling fragile and having thoughts that she is just being nice, she must not really mean all of that, what if its just an act?

Eva never acts, and it shows each time she dissmies a person who dulls or annoys her. She is here by your side because she wants to be! She compliments you because she truly sees beauty in you! she is never just nice for the sake of being nice. Yet she isn't needlessly rude or cruel. She would rather just stay away from everything she doesn't like.

-

Peter has experience dealing with his brother. He'd feel right at home with you. However, his depressive episodes and occasional isolation might be bad for you and make yiu think he's just outright abandoning you when all he is doing is sulking in a corner of his own house. No, he has two whole floors and 4 rooms to himself, he just prefers the corner.

Misunderstanding will happen often. Peter isn't sure how to cater to someone else's emotional needs, he barely meets his own after all.

-

With Rubin, it might become an almost unhealthy codependent relationship. He's intense, he is terrfied of abandonment. And no one but you truly understands.

He wants you in his life so badly he'd claw his eyes out, but the slightest friendly interaction with others make him brim with jealousy and sink into despair. His emotions are extremely fragile and he doesn't have the slightest idea what he's even feeling at any given time, he is so used to supressing it all.

But also, an intensity that burns as bright as your own might just be truly be the one to warm you up. There is comfort in his obsessive behaviour, reassurance in his desperation, love in his fear.

Likewise, he sees the same things in you. He never thought anyone in this life would care enough about him to warrant jealousy. That you feel so strongly about him, that you actually want him in your life and aren't just using him to fill an empty space.

That the chronic void in his heart doesn't scare you away as he bears his vulnerable raw soul to you.

No breakdowns make you judg him, no amount of panic fits or spliting pushes you away. When he accidentally hurts you, he's met with grace and the benfit of the doubt. He isn't burned at the stake for his mistakes. Likewise he extends the same courtesy to you and more, no matter how many brutal and harsh words you crush him with during a blind fit of rage, he still hugs you afterwards.

You and him against the world, that message is clear to the both of you.

-

Finally, the character I relate to most when it comes to dealing with BPD is Anna Angel.

It is so prevalent in her that all other characters. Her case is the most severe and heartbreaking.

I don't even have to say anything or spin a narrative, look at her wiki! Look at the way the devs describe her and tell me it isn't a textbook definition of the disorder.

Anna is happy to use this love to her advantage; what's more, her need to feel loved is bordering on addiction at this point. She wants to be adored. This thirst for adoration has a remarkable consequence: Anna is afraid, to the point of panic, of townspeople finding out who she is—yet she can’t resist occasionally showing her performing talents: singing, juggling, doing acrobatics.

She takes this risk for the sake of a minute of rapt attention. Sometimes she slips up and does one of her “numbers” without meaning to (much to the delight of those present), only to spend the next few nights trembling in fear at having given away who she is

She views herself through the townfolks eyes, she makes others her mirror and finds herself aiming to impress them to be reassured that she still has a worth, a use to the people around her.

Even when those actions are done impulsively out of desperation for a momment of applause and approval, even as she splits the next night and literally temples in fear at the idea of them discovering who she is.

Paranoia consumes her thoughts whole. They must resent her. She will never show her face again. She is desperate enough to visit a fortune teller where she ends up being cursed to always carry a beating heart around.

She lies often and it becomes difficult to believe anything she says. Anna has many things to hide and is reluctant to share even the basest of information with people. She appears to trust very few people in her life.

The heart is a clear allegory for her vulnerability, exposed lies and how she views herself a gold trophy that's rotten on the inside. Terrfied of anyone peaking below ther fragile surface and exposing her for the horrible monster she is afraid she truly is.

But she tries to help, in her own unhigned and amoral way. She sacrifices her life to save the town, agreeing to suicide just to take the haruspex's place in death in P1. Believing in Clara and agreeing to hand over her soul if it meant a cure will be made, that the people will hopefully remember her for her sacrifice which will atone for her "sins"

Anna... probably developed severe BPD during her traumatic years at the Ace Of Diamonds circus. They didn't just murder children. They kidnapped them and trafficed them. Sold the talentless kids out while turning the others into preformers.

In P1, she is only 18. and In P2, she is described as a young woman. What does that spell out? Yet she feels as if she is just as accountable as ring leader, she claims she was the one to lure the children.

Peter cares for her, maybe he sees his own brother for her. He tells you in P2 to go check on her, give her some medicine, keep her alive. She is a good person despite it all, she is good. She means well.

She went into infected houses to take abandoned infants and deliver them to a group that promised a cure for the town–rather than her promise to bring them to the townhall.

Anna's mind is never a friend to her. Her life was filled with cruelty and the need to survive above all. Yet she craves love. She either switches between adoration or hatred for the people around here, there is only black and white.

She doesn't believe the friends who claim to care about her, she doesn't trust the haruspex or healers. She thinks she is the cause of the plague indirectly, that her tragedy is intertwined with the town.

Someone who spent all their years surviving, being told they're part of a group of heartless monsters. Associating love with glamour that could be twisted into resentment if the facepaint she's wearing starts to melt off.

Love is fragile and unreliable and could so easily spell her doom, but god does she crave it more than air. Does she use it to base her self-worth around because she never had a chance to become a person who wasn't performing with a mask.

She is constantly acting because that is all she has ever known. because no one can be trusted.

And yet. She gives it all up. The ultimate act of sacrifice, a glorfied suicide by the hands of a saint. She wants to be good, she truly wants to be good and kind.

It's not her fault, she wasn't with them she swears. She was never a part of the circus, it's just a big understanding. Don't take her life away, don't condemn which you do not comprehend.

[cherchezlafemme]

My hopes for the bachelor route:

Full frontal male nudity

Stakh rubin wearing that full leather getup from the first game and he's also 6'6" again. Will also accept him hog and tits out.

No racism or misogyny (shouldn't be too hard come on now)

Post canceled there's a bird. Nvm it flew away. It was small and gray.

[evanescentjasmine]

😈, 🤩, and Daniil for 🧠for the emoji ask game!

😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

lmao define playful.

I'm guessing killing Stakh wouldn't count? Or having that one kid in the Isolation Ward have his daemon be a snake for the extra pain feels and then bringing back those raisins later? No, that's probably just mean. Hmmmmmm.

Actually, you know what? Distortion!Gerry giving Jon a big old goodbye smooch in my tma dimension-hopping fic, runaway scars. It was a playful meanness on his part, because Distortion!Gerry is, as with every Distortion we met in canon, not on our side and had been manipulating Jon subtly and playing on their closeness the whole time. It was also a playful meanness on my part as well as a nod to my readers who'd started eyeing them as a potential ship - alas, I wasn't pursuing that, but it was a sort of, "I see you and you're valid and Gerry also ships it in his own way, here's a terrible kiss for the road," kind of thing, you know?

🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?

Chatty, mind going mile-a-minute Asclepius in genius loci is always fun, although I won't get to write him for a hot second. I also really quite liked writing Oliver Banks' anxiety loops in youth dipped in folly. But right now, man, I'm having a blast writing Hua Cheng in my very, very many TGCF wips. He's very fun as a gremlin child plotting his revenge on the world, doubly so when he's a little shit sullen overconfident teenager, and as an all-powerful 800-year-old terrifying Ghost King who nonetheless has no idea what to do with affection from his God (and also the guy he's been pining after for those 800 years), he's hilarious. I think it's because he's so intense and made of extremes? But also, admittedly, one of the wips is a second person one that's deep into his head and I fucking love writing in second person, so that might have something to do with it.

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.

This headcanon is genius loci specific, because I can sometimes decide that a different headcanon is more fun in another fic, but I like to think of Daniil as a middle child and only boy among a gaggle of sisters that he is, or was, fairly close to. Something about how he vibes so well with the Town's prominent ladies (Eva, Yulia, his P1 dynamic with Lara) and also how cattily he can reply to Anna without missing a step gives me big "oh he's used to being bullied by women" feels. At least one of those sisters also has small children that he's sort of vaguely dealt with before, enough so that he knows it's better to kneel to their height to talk to them and is gentle with the Teensies and Tots. I don't know if he'd ever do the P1 and call them Pumpkin, but he's certainly capable of being Uncle Bachelor when the occasion calls for it.

Idk, it's fun to think of him, who's often so solitary, as part of a large family and comfortable in his place in it, even if he has his various issues with his father. But, more relevant to genius loci, I especially like him having a large family back home because that gives him more to lose, after. :) I have a whole scene in my head about it that I can't wait to sink my teeth into.

[stillw4t3r]

no yeah stakh making himself as small as possible is oh so very important to me 🙂🙂🙂 for character reasons but also in this specific scenario so that he doesn’t get kicked/pushed off the bed (as easily) i think

sum recent pathologics ^_^ the funny artemy-using-his-hood-when-sneaking bit was @indigo-constellation’s idea!

slightly suggestive silly thing under cut

[thefoulbeast]

PLEASE talk more about your roadside picnic pathologic au, that sounds like the most fascinating au ever

allow me to go off heeheehee >:) >:) (incoming wall of text of worldbuilding)

i talked abt this au a lot with my friend ksu and rilya so thanks for letting me bounce ideas to them.

Main things:

-it is set later than pathologic, around the 70ies or 80ies. But mind that the setting is eastern Russian steppe so the advancements haven’t quite reached so far.

-ToG and the surrounding steppe are a Zone (as well as a few small neighbouring villages and single-fence farmhouses). There are even some outcroppings of new-growth forests since the visitation. Theres all the weird physics fuckery going on – graviconcentrates, happy ghosts, thermal anomalies, hell slime etc. There are also various artefacts that human scientists struggle to make out the use of (basically u know the drill if u read roadside picnic). Since the old town and the abattoir are at the very epicentre of the visitation they have the highest concentration of loot and also danger.

- The new town – the place everyone settled after the Visitation is a couple of days by foot away, flush against the edges of the Zone.

-this is set some 25 years after the Visitation so the older generation stalkers have mostly died out and the new gen is taking over. There’s a lot less swag to be had in the outer parts of the zone, though stalkers still try.

Important bits:

-Daniil is a troubles scientist looking for a last hope to save his research. He hears of the zone and that people have been brought back to life in it and comes as fast as he can to the East. He’s still researching death and dying and how to prevent it, and there is a Thanatica in the capital.

-Artemy and Stakh (The Booha and The Mule, respectively) are stalkers. They’re lowkey famous in the new town for going on risky trips into the deeper parts of the zone where there’s still swag to be had.

-daniil comes to town with full intention to go to the zone to find Mother’s heart, a fabled artefact that can bring the dead back to life, which is located in the zone. Andrey suggests he go to the booha and mule for help with this dangerous mission.

-Artemy is the son of a first generation stalker, Isidor. Thus he has some non-human characteristics (again, par the course for- roadside picnic) and a very keen sense of the Zone. Almost supernatural, in fact. Which is mostly why he and Stakh can take on such dangerous jobs. They have a strict moral compass though so they refuse to bring back anything they know to be dangerous, like hell slime (looking at you, redrick. Smh).

-Isidor trained both artemy and stakh to be stalkers but artemy had a fallout with stakh somewhere along the line whereing stakh went on his own for a few years and lost a whole lot of companions (read: overconfident greenbeak stalkers) in that time which left him pretty jaded and wary of the zone. Hes sort of antithesis to artemy’s outlook – who loves the nature of the zone and the steppe and the zone-specific flora that grows there (twyre).

-artemy has a garden where he tries to cultivate twyre. He tends to it between trips and lara tends it when hes gone for more than a few days. He makes teas out of them that might or might not be slightly psychedelic.

-The Kin. Their settlement was a bit further from the epicentre of the visitation so more of them survived than the townspeople. There is still some struggle for the Kin to find work in town due to old attitudes and racism, so Kin are more likely to take up being stalkers because it might be high risk but its also high reward if you get swag (I am drawing certain parallels between being a stalker and being a butcher – a specific type of fear / reveration is reserved for them. And you can typically tell a stalker by their clothing, the smell of the Zone steppe clinging to them).

-clara is also the child of an older gen stalker, but she’s a lot less human than artemy. She’s chosen to give up on life in the new town and lives exclusively in the zone as a trickster, fucking around with any stalkers she comes across, either turning them all around ang getting them lost or helping them out to where theyre trying to get, depending on her mood.

-andrey owns the bar the stalkers favour in town and he also deals in selling off all the swag they’ve gathered off to the highest bidder, be they rich people, scientific institutes or anything shadier. Peter deals in turning stuff like black sparks and the little rings that spin forever into art and architecture. He’s very set on incorporating the alien tech into human lives. He and Andrey tinker a lot with engineering with the artefacts.

thats about what i have for now. more to follow... if u have any additional questions i would love to answer them <3

[originalcontent]

Well. Forgot to make our final pathologic post, because we did it, we finished the game. We just played all the remaining days at once. Not going to go super hard on the plot details bc if you know them then you know them, all I can say is holy shiiiiiiit this was such a good story/mystery/choice/everything.

First order of business: casualties.

All the children except Grace survived. When we had five panaceas, we chose Sticky, Murky, Khan, Notkin, and Capella, and we weren't able to find any more shmowders until it was too late. Taya was lucky and Grace wasn't. I feel kinda bad but also I don't know what more we could have done. God all of the kids and their final conversations when they all think they're going to die, they're so sad and sweet and I love them all so much.

The thing I'm SUPER bummed about is that Stakh, Lara, and Bad Grief all died. Like we did everything we could for all of them, but I'm still sad about it. One regret from this game is that I think we should have spent more time with them. I should have tried to make things right with them. I was so focused on the kids, and I don't regret that, but also I kept putting other things before them as well and I should have tried harder.

The other casualties were Big Vlad, Maria Kaina, Eva Yan, and Anna Angel, who was apparently a character but I think we literally never spoke with her in our playthrough. And Aglaya, although I don't know how we could have saved her either. Everyone else survived. I don't know the typical death toll for this game, but we did better than I was expecting us to, all things considered.

Oh wait, Nara's also dead. That wasn't an incredibly disturbing scene or anything. Like I'm getting ahead of myself a bit but jesus the kinfolk terrify me sometimes. My sister mentioned that it's probably a very different game if we commit super hard to exploring their plotline, and she's probably right. That whole sequence though... the blood, the hearts... it's a lot. I'm not going into detail bc if you've played the game then you already know what's down there, but hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I feel like replaying this game knowing everything would put a LOT of earlier conversations into new context.

Still! That was the only place we death spiraled this time! Death spiral escaped! That's probably due in no small part to the presence of the soldiers. Like yes they're terrible and them burning people alive is terrifying, but also we discovered the strategy that every time we were attacked by someone we could just have them chase us past a soldier who would protect us. We still had to sneak around a lot but overall it meant we had a lot fewer fights.

The polyhedron was gorgeous. We probably wasted a lot of time visiting it, but it was wonderful. I wanted to go back when all the kids were there but they didn't let us. Super into the earth/sky dichotomy of Notkin's and Khan's gangs.

Block was sure something. When I first met him he was meeting with my three [living :(] best friends but none of them would talk to me. Anyway. When he arrives everyone's saying they loved him, then later on we accidentally walk into the most obvious coup ever, and then the next day he's back in charge like nothing happened. And then on the last day there's this massive violent internal conflict? Plus the whole thing with him and Aglaya (weren't they working together in the prologue?) and plus they keep giving us heart attacks saying they're going to level the town and then changing their minds. Thank god for Changeling who was apparently the single persuasive voice in saving everyone? I guess? We've had our ups and downs but honestly she was waaaaaaay more reliable than Daniil at the end.

I told her I'd help her cure a patient in the hospital, but I didn't have any panacea or shmowder so in the end I couldn't, but afterwards I was glad I hadn't helped her. I already felt terrible I didn't have enough living blood for all the children when they were all spontaneously infected, and it would have been so much worse if I had been able to help another but I'd wasted it on a random person earlier.

... Is Aglaya in love with Artemy? Or are they just two agents who recognize said agency in one another? Everyone spent all game hyping her up as some sort of monster but she was my friend and she listened to me. And she died trying to save everyone I guess.

The kids...just. All of them. Notkin and Capella both told us to let them die but to make sure Khan was okay. Murky saying she'd loved Artemy since the first time she saw him. God everything they said and did I love them. I can't imagine playing this game as either of the other characters because I can't imagine going through this town and not carrying deeply about all the kids like this.

So I think...I think I made my choice long before I actually made the choice itself, you know? There was only ever going to be one choice.

Day 11 was the first and only day when I knew exactly what I had to do. I mean I guess it was in the stage directions and everything. Thank you dear Fellow Traveler for feeding us the night before--did you know we'd never visited the dead item shop until the last night? Probably would have made finding food and medicine a lot easier. But anyway, when the day began I didn't quite understand the significance of the stage directions because the Haruspex looking for couriers did not sound like the dramatic climax to the story that I knew this day was supposed to be. Still, I looked for the couriers.

I think I visited the three locations in the order I was supposed to. Seeing Daniil like that with his gun and bloody hands, sitting in a room of corpses...hearing him ramble...oh man I was so conflicted, this whole game I'd thought that even though I teased him, I would always ultimately back his plays because I trusted him and I knew that ultimately he wanted to help people too. Hearing him tell me what he wanted me to do then at the end of everything...he honestly scared me a bit.

The Changeling and I seemed much more on the same page at the end of everything. Being in the middle of a field with armed soldiers closing in from all sides was kind of terrifying though. I didn't stay to witness what she did with them. She’s okay though, she’s alive.

Wild goose chase for the final courier eventually took me to the bar where I met an injured bandit and was able to actually perform a surgery for the first time in the entire fucking game. I really enjoyed that because I'm supposed to be a fucking surgeon.

Meeting my understudy fucking killed me. I cannot BELIEVE that the final courier who was carrying the only file that could save the whole town was canonically murdered by the understudy of the protagonist. How the hell is that a real plot point, do you have any idea how much I adore that, that is more meta than literally anything else that has happened in this whole game. I fucking died. I definitely have been playing this game as Artemy rather than as Actor, and I think that made the whole scene even funnier. His whole thing about taking a new direction with the character, the whole "you're getting paid for this??", the fact that Artemy was so offended by literally every aspect of his existence that we didn't even know what to criticize. At the end I was like "yeah I'm definitely going to kill this guy" but we're nice people and we let him surrender. His inventory consisted of a rusty scalpel, a hazelnut, and a single piece of twyre, which was the most incredible parody of Artemy's inventory that I can imagine and killed me all over again.

The kin folk all met with me and begged me not to let them die. Maybe things could have been different, but again, I knew my choice and deep down I always knew what we were going to choose at the end. When you start the game, day one, there are two things that are immediately striking about the town. One, it's full of living folklore, and two, it's full of children, and those are the two things that make the town special and wonderful. When you look back on it all, there was only ever one way this could all end.

The dead courier (murdered by my own fucking understudy rather than an actual character, still dying) was a dramatic sight. It's lucky I had to sleep then or I probably wouldn't have found him.

After I made my choice, the disease tried to murder me. It infected literally every district I moved through, manifesting in every single passageway. I just chugged my tinctures and moved as well as I could, because fuck you disease, you are nothing to me. Obviously at that point nothing really could stop me. I considered saving in the cathedral, but what would be the point?

Day 12 was so bright and peaceful and nice. I could just walk around for once with no fear of getting lost or hungry or running out of time. I'm still really sad my childhood friends weren't alive to share it with me, but I enjoyed talking to everyone. My favorite little end conversations were Taya and Notkin for sheer adorable factor, Yulia so Artemy could say he wanted her to be the one to tell his story and to make it as undramatic as possible (fuck you Mark), Daniil because it was super cute and I’m glad that after it all things are okay between us and I got to make fun of him for trying to talk in my language, and Andrey and Peter because literally nothing made me feel better about my choice to destroy the polyhedron than listening to them complain about it.

And then the theater, where I talked to everyone who'd died and to Mark Immortell. He told me he'd need to try again with a different protagonist (gee I wonder who he could be referring to, such a shame we'll never know) and that I could go into the back and take off my mask now. I considered it for a bit, but it didn't feel right, so I decided that I was Artemy and I went back outside.

This game was wonderful. It was beautiful. It has such a fundamental understanding of what theater is and what makes something theatrical (lose me with your cinematic games, theater and cinema are completely different things and the former is impossibly beautiful but is also almost impossible to recreate when not in person). It's worldbuilding was immaculate, and for all the stress it caused I'm really happy for it.

I say this every time, but I love Artemy so fucking much. Give me a character who is a monster and a healer and who is full of anger but also so much love, and then just have him adopt 7+ children why don't you. He is so wonderful and good and interesting and I am in love with him.

(Edit: And then like a month later, just now, we went back to our last save and threw the documents in the trash so we could play through the other ending. I think the diurnal ending is definitely the better one, although it was nice to see the polyhedron again and to talk to all the game developers. <3 Also the goodbyes to Daniil and Notkin were super sad in that one, I did what Daniil wanted, he won’t even stay? This is so sad.)

Well that's our pathologic playthrough. We know there's a lot we missed and we may return to the game at some point. (Looked up a plot summary afterwards and there’s just so much else. Must save my childhood friends next time.) Game is very good though. It's been wild. Marbles sometime in the next few days. :)

[modlisznik]

002. please feed me your stakh/artemy or stakh&artemy thoughts

ok so stakh&artemy because that’s the vibe rn, let’s goooo

002 | send me a ship and I will tell you:

when or if I started shipping it.

I’m not really shipping them romantically - I’m not against it, there’s definitely ground for some steamy romance (also I’m not immune to that one fic about dumplings), but for now I’m more interested in their friendship. perhaps some hopeless crush when they were still teens and didn’t know what’s going on?

my thoughts:

there’s so much to unpack here - seriously, their relationship is so tragic and messy and tangled in things beyond their control, ahhh, just like in a finest melodrama *cheff’s kiss* I mean, it’s obvious that the reason they’re both so... seething during these first days is that they both care deeply - and feel betrayed; Artemy - because it’s a dreadful think, to realize your friend consider you capable of hurting your own father, responsible for his death, and because this time when Artemy needed help, needed support, when he really could be murdered on the street his best friend turned his back on him. And Stakh - because, well, Artemy not only came back home, but also came back too late.

See, I believe that a lot of the bad blood between them come from the fact that once they were brothers - almost. That is, they were brothers for one another, but not for Isidor, who never really consider Rubin as Artemy’s equal, nor as a student, nor as a family member, despite Rubin wanting to be just that. So I can imagine that a friendly rivalisation between Artemy and Stakh grew into something more vicious and bitter when the latter realized that there are parts of Artemy’s - and Isidor’s - heritage he will never get access to, no matter how hardworking and devoted he is, because with Kin it is always about blood. Was it the moment he started hated the steppe people? he will never become Isidor’s apprentice, he’s just an impostor, Ersher understudy, a spare copy in case of Isidor losing another son. Yet Stakh loved him, and resented him, and he couldn’t hate him - so he turned that hatred towards the Kin and that part of the Kin that was within Artemy

did Artemy know? I think he did; he’s a dumbass sometimes, but other times he’s surprisingly insightful about people and I bet he realized that the way his father is treating his friend is wrong. But Artemy, too, loved his father with the feeling that comes both from his heart and his upbringing; he honoured his father and respected him and was then too immature to openly question Isidor’s actions. was he feeling guilty? ashamed, that he allowed for his father to mistreat his friend? probably

but they both still care, that’s why it hurts so badly, that’s why their fight the night before Tyoma’s departure was so bad. the very fact that Tyoma was leaving was bad enough - it’s a small town from which no one ever leaves, and he was daring to leave, and was leaving his friends behind - but the fact that he was leaving to study medicine in a big city was even worse. but at the same time, Stakh surely knew it was a huge chance for Artemy. How many people could afford that in the Town? And Artemy was gifted, yeah, he deserved that and on some level Stakh probably was happy for his friend. But at the same time, why he deserved that opportunity and Stakh didn't? Artemy already had a future in the Town, a place among his people, something Stakh will never have - why he couldn't be the one to go and learn something different? It's because Artemy will always be the true son of Isidor, and  Stakh will stay here, in this Town where nothing awaits him,for the rest of his life. Trully bound to this land,  like a dog on a leash. And for Artemy, we know that he didn’t really want to go, it was his father’s idea, his wish, and it put Artemy in a situation without a way out - if he’d refuse Isidor’s wish, Stakh would call him a coward and an ungrateful son; if he’d agree, it’d be like admitting that he deserves more than Stakh does. If he'll succeed at the university, Stakh will never forgive him; if h'll fail, Stakh will call him a failure, a wasted chance.

I can imagine Stakh years later, watching Isidor sending a letter after letter with no reply, and sinking deeper and deeper into darkest thoughts. That Artemy doesn't care, that he forgot, now a big city doctor, he considers himself better than his old father from the backend of nowhere. And that Isidor still trusts him more, indifferent to all sacrifices Stakh makes for him

What makes me happy about them:

that after all that ^^^^^ they care!!! And given a little time and dedication, they can mend their friendship, now more mature, despite both of them acting anything but mature. I love how passionate, how real their dialogues feel - full of little jabs - all members of the apple basket gang love to bully their friends, and rightfully so. also they gave us “Rubin is an idiot”, which is the single best line in both Patho games, full stop. you can just taste Tyoma’s frustration here

What makes me sad about them:

it’s that particular brand of disfunctional family dynamics where there’s nothing as obvious as physical violence, but a heavy, suffocating atmosphere of painful truths left unspoken, accusations swallowed up, teeth gritted, little wounds left to fester for too long. and still, they both loved Isidor and each other - it wouldn’t hurt so bad otherwise

Things done in fanfic that annoys me:

a personal peet peeve, but I don’t like when Stakh’s bigotry is being explained as a form of internalized racism coming from him also being of mixed heritage. it makes his character look too much like Artemy at the cost of what’s unique about him. idk, I just don’t vibe with it

Things I look for in fanfic:

friendly bickering. healthy-and-unhealthy rivalry. innocent remark erupting into a big fight because they’re both hot-tempered and won’t hold back. Kids shenanigans. heavy conversations at 3 in the morning, when they both realize that their childhood was kind of messed up. more fights

My kinks:

both of them geting therapy and a big bowl of soup

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

as you know, I’m a huge burakhovsky shipper, so Artemy’s already taken... I have a soft spot for Stakh/Andrey, especially during Artemy’s absence; it’s not the healthiest of ship, a lot of unspoken anger here, but I know the writer who can make it work (;* Max, if you’re reading this, ;*)

My happily ever after for them:

Stakh being a grumpy uncle to Murky and Sticky is the ultimate endgame. also Tyoma and Stakh learning from one another. Stakh and Tyoma's bickering that starts with grunts and frustrated huffs and sharp remarks that may seem out of the line to a bystander, and ends either in both of them crying from laughter, or in a mock-fight (which can be a sight to behold)

jesus christ, this is a lot of text

[galaxy-fleur]

OC Profile Case 01: Natasha Stakh

Additional info:

Age (at the time of first appearance): 23.

Height: 158 cm.

Affiliation: DSO.

Appearances: RE2, Damnation, RE6, Vendetta, Death Island.

Strengths and skills: Specializes in melee weapon close quarters combat and wilderness survival, bilingual, high natural charisma, empathetic.

Flaws and weaknesses: Lacks in brawn needed for direct hand-to-hand combat and can be overpowered when left without a weapon, low self-confidence, avoidant.

Relationships:

Romantic connection: Leon Kennedy, (former) Chaewon Lee.

Closest friends: Chris Redfield, William Roy, Helena Harper.

On good terms: Aruna Wella, Ingrid Hunnigan, Claire Redfield, Sherry Birkin, Rebecca Chambers, David Newman.

Acquaintances: Chaewon Lee, Ada Wong, Jill Valentine.

Dislike/negative relationship: Jack Krauser, Wendy Lloyd.

Quick summary:

- Natasha is one of the lucky survivors of the Racoon City outbreak. She ventured into the city after having her car break down, only to stumble into a pure nightmare. By pure chance arrived into the city just a couple of hours before the arrival of Leon Kennedy and Claire Redfield.

- She met up with Leon near the entrance to the Police Station, keeping low and trying to figure out her next course of action up until that point. From then on, she accompanied him through his exploration of the abandoned station, for safety sake. While she's no police officer, she's oddly braver when she has someone else to worry about other than herself. Despite Leon's insistence on protecting her, she goes out of her way to be helpful in whatever way possible.

- She got crucially wounded after being separated from Leon and Ada and was presumed dead by Leon for a short period of time.

- She got rescued by William Roy and Carlos Oliveira, who happened to stumble upon her by pure chance in the days spent searching for a cure for Jill. She survived her injuries thanks to William's medical knowledge, and has felt indebted to him ever since. She left Racoon City before its bombing on the same chopper that Jill, Carlos and William did.

- Natasha has been trained alongside Leon, but has not been recognized for her skills quite as quickly. While a good learner and a quick thinker, she lacked the resolve needed to perfect her skills in combat, her small stature not helping her case much, either. She had a very strained relationship with Krauser, where neither of them have ever come to an understanding. Nevertheless, her exceptional wielding of melee weapons can be traced back to his teachings.

- Her and Leon had a very rocky relationship throughout their training. Having failed to save her back in Racoon City and apparently unknowingly leaving her to die when she could still be helped, Leon felt as if he failed to keep her safe twice. He never liked her choosing to pursue this life when she should have just returned to her old peaceful one instead. And seeing her so often just made these feelings of guilt and self-inflicted anger worse, thus pushing him away even further.

- Natasha comes in contact with and eventually forms a romantic relationship with Chaewon Lee a year into her training. Feeling pretty isolated all around, Chaewon offers her not only moral comfort and encouragement, but also some additional help in training. It's through this connection, does Natasha start to gain self-confidence and perfect her skills. Even though this relationship only lasted for two years due to their obligations getting in the way, neither party holds any ill feelings for each other. Although their interactions, are a bit awkward.

- Her and Leon slowly reconcile their relationship and start anew after he rescues Ashley Graham and lets go of the majority of his guilt for what happened in Racoon City. From then on, they end up working side by side on multiple assignments, their bond naturally strengthening with each one.

- She's the reason Leon stays behind in Damnation. By the time she appears again in a canon title, they have become good friends and trusted colleagues with each other. Being sent out to her home country, she's the main driving force behind wanting to get to the bottom of things.

- Natasha accompanies Leon and Helena for the entirety of Leon's campaign in RE6. Leon comes to realize his feelings for her as a conclusion to his campaign, although he doesn't act upon it just yet. Not outwardly.

- In the year between RE6 and Vendetta, Natasha ends up working closely with BSAA on a couple of cases and forms a close friendship with Chris Redfield. Just before Vendetta takes place, she receives an offer to transfer over to BSAA under the recommendation of Chris Redfield himself, coming into Vendetta feeling unsure and doubtful on what she should do.

- Natasha comes to realize her feelings for Leon as a conclusion to the events in Vendetta. She also chooses to stay in the DSO to remain by his side and no other reason, though she doesn't tell Leon that. He is not aware that she was given an offer of transfer in the first place.

- Leon and Natasha get together as a couple a few months before Death Island takes place. This happens during his recovery, as they both end up confessing things to one another: Natasha being the main reason Leon didn't follow Ada after Derek Simmons' death, and Leon being the main reason Natasha didn't accept the offer of transfer.

Trivia:

- Natasha has a big passion for cooking, and she would have pursued a culinary career in an alternate universe without bioterrorism. Coming from a poor background, cooking food is one of her primary ways of showing care and affection for those she cares about. Bringing homemade snacks and lunches is something she does for her coworkers on the regular.

- She watched over Helena closely after the events of RE6 and helped her a great deal with coming to terms with her involvement in the Tall Oaks incident. Helena views her as something of a mentor figure.

- She's one of the few people who genuinely finds Leon's sense of humor funny. Not even in an ironic sense. His quips and one-liners will have her giggling and snorting while everyone in the room rolls their eyes. Unfortunately, he rubs off on her, and by the time of RE6, she starts cracking a few one-liners here and there, too. They are just as terrible, if not worse.

- She has a somewhat petite body shape due to her aforementioned poor background, as she grew up into adulthood chronically malnourished. Her relatively short height doesn't help with her looking kinda tiny, especially among her peers. But she learns to use it to her advantage in combat.

- Natasha has no ill feelings towards Ada, even expressing a desire to understand her. Although she never gets the chance to do so. She even encouraged Leon to go after her if that's what he wants at the end of RE6.

- Wears her hair in a braid for most of her appearances. Occasionally lets it down when not on duty. Her hair is long enough to reach her tailbone when down, and while a bit inconvenient, bears a sentimental value to her, since it reminds her of her mother, who always wanted her to grow out her hair one day.

Nicknames:

- Tasha (by Leon).

- Nat (by Chris and Chaewon).

- little dove (by Ada).

Miscellaneous:

- Natasha/Leon Playlist

1 - by @\thatpyramidthing <3

2 - Picrew Link

3 - by me

4 - by @/thatpyramidthing

Picrew used for the main pic - Here!

[silenthillmutual]

1-10 pathologic :)

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?*

for pathologic 2 alone i do not get aglaya/artemy. in classic at least you have a lot of conversations with her and you get to know her more as a person and her interest in saving the town as well as herself and she seems more well-rounded whereas in 2 you have like three hostile conversations with her wherein she sends one of your best friends into a suicidal spiral and tells you she deserves more pity than the indigenous population dying of plague in the termitary and it’s like. you want me to run away with her? really? you want me to find that romantic? uh.

2. Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?*

stakh/artemy are just brothers to me. at least in classic. in patho2 even that is on thin fucking ice after the way stakh treats artemy. i can get him being pissed that artemy didn’t stay in contact but that like doesn’t justify the racist shit he says to you good god.

3. Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion?

i’m very selective with who i follow to begin with, but i have unfollowed people over fandom opinions that hit on things i have blacklisted. this fandom has a tendency to uwu-ify things that are triggers for me and like. i’m not interested in seeing things that are serious topics for me being turned into cutesy quirky things, especially when there are really bad and negative stereotypes associated with them.

4. Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?*

aglaya/artemy isn’t that popular from what i can tell but stakh/artemy is relatively popular. it doesn’t bug me that much unless i’m hypomanic. i just don’t like the posts or tweets....sorry friends (pensive emoji)

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?* 

patho fandom hasn’t ruined a pairing for me because it just isn’t big enough to. i also tend to keep to small enough circles in fandoms that my enjoyment of a pairing really isn’t hampered by overexposure. i am really picky with interpretation though, but not to the point where it ruins the pairing for me. just to the point where i kinda wish people would actually engage with the media itself insead of just the fandom. but again that’s....more of a jojo issue than a patho issue.

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?*

not for pathologic lmao. the closest i can get is exposure to ships i hate making me hate them a little less (like aglaya/artemy and stakh/artemy) but not to the point of actively liking them as anything more than exes or one-sided. but uh. i will say that constant twitter exposure to vlad jr has made me able to stomach him more. still can’t get behind vlad jr/artemy that is just. hm. huge no.

7. Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?*

there are things i was okay with until i learned more about them and thought more about them and went “on second thought, no”. like people calling artemy a himbo or that trend of herb bride daniil...yikes.

8. Have you received anon hate? What about?*

yes. i have gotten some for acting immaturely, most of which i have apologized for and don’t feel like rehashing. but i’ve also gotten some, mmm, idk if you’d call it hate or just hassling for running the blocklist. just people leaving unsolicited comments on it back when i had it open to leave comments on. i’ve also received some transphobic hate that was not on anon but we’re not discussing that on main<3

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?

oh, the usual suspects. the vlads and georgiy. i actually sort of hate georgiy the most because he reminds me so much of my family. that and the eugenics tbh...georgiy my detested i wish i could throw you through a window.

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

idk if you’d call this an arc or not but i hate that artemy can respond to comments about the kin by disowning them in patho 2. feels gross, man.

salty asks

[divine-motion]

Apple-Basket gang as kids tho, what was the 4 of them befriending each other like?

oh good question! this took me a while to settle on since it’s Specific instead of letting me ramble on at the top of my head, hmm... time to ramble anyways

there’s no school in town-on-gorkhon so there’s no regular way of meeting friends that way, and there’s a real divide between these four. like think about it, artemy is the son of the only doctor in town and is also part of the Kin, despite being respected isidor is pretty poor (he probably doesn’t charge much if at all for his medical services) and live in a small, gloomy house. artemy says stakh is like a brother to him and stakh claims, while still Angry, that he’s the true son of isidor, so i think stakh lived closely with isidor and artemy, but i don’t think they lived in the same house (otherwise Angry Stakh would probably have said something about deserving the house too i think), stakh’s apartment is pretty big so maybe he got a decent inheritance from his parents? yet, this is also one of the poorer districts, so still on the not really rich side grief... grief turns to a criminal life and was very much about how laws and rules hold you down already when he was young, so it’s likely he did have to steal already while young, i think. definitely a street kid and then we have lara in her mansion with her soldier father, and definitely rich. since lara’s mother is never mentioned as far as i can tell, unlike artemy’s, i like to think (just to keep the Dead Mother tally lower) that maybe her mom just left mr. ravel or something at some point, so maybe she even grew up with two whole parents. 

like that’s some class divide going on there! that sort of thing doesn’t matter too much to kids but it does make you wonder how they came to befriend each other which... is the point of this ask and i went off rambling abt other things... anyways... i can see multiple ways they could’ve befriended each other. i think i’m gonna go with that stakh and lara were friends first, playing in the lawn by her house, and lara is the one who shows stakh where isidor burakh lives when she hears he wants to become a doctor, and that way little stakh, all resolve, asks to enter an apprenticeship under isidor to become a doctor. obviously that way they both become acquainted to artemy. isidor encourages artemy to make friends (either bc he can’t keep tagging along with ersher and ersher’s friends, or ersher is already dead and isidor thinks it would be a good way for artemy to move on).

they find grief in a trash can

in all seriousness though i think it wouldn’t be too far-fetched to say they probably first meet grief digging through some trash by lara’s house, and when asked what he’s doing he proudly announces that he’s finding stuff to put on the tracks, though bullets are best. lara, as the daughter to a military man, gets some bullets bc what grief describes does sound fun, and together they head out to the tracks for the first time to put bullets on there to watch what happens. they end up staying out really late and find the Old Apple Basket Place and since then putting bullets on the tracks kind of become like a tradition for them

long post again but it was fun to write!! thank you for the ask!!

[natasha-in-space]

Looking at the Stars

Suit!Saeran/cmc Natasha Stakh;

If there's something she did love about living at Magenta, it's the ability to enjoy the perfect view at the clear sky above, especially during the night hours. She never would have guessed that this same exact sky would help her see the strength within her that she has been blind to all this time. And that Saeran would be the one that pushed her to seek it out.

"Quit ogling at the sky, and listen to what I'm telling you!"

A small yelp resonated throughout the peaceful quiet of a lush garden, spooking a couple of stray mice that were quick to skitter beneath the nearest bush in search of safety. Nighttime at Magenta was the perfect opportunity for every tired believer that has worked earnestly throughout their day to take a deep breath and appreciate this little opening to spend some time all by themselves without any new duties weighing heavy on their shoulders, be it by taking a relaxed stroll through the beautiful corridors of their home, or visiting the observatory to watch the night sky their Savior praised to them so much.

Unfortunately, you don't get such pleasant luxuries when your role is being the personal assistant of none other than the head of the intelligence unit. Natasha was just as busy as Saeran, which meant that she was busy throughout every second of her day. Day and night often blended together into one dizzying concoction of piles upon piles of documents and symbols shining on countless of monitors. While it did somewhat help to know that your partner is pretty much just as busy as you are in this ordeal, and they're not slacking off in the slightest, it would be a bitter lie on Natasha's part to say that she did not envy most of her fellow believers when it came to a healthy work schedule, if you could even call it that. Saeran and his assistant were very much alike in their worn-out appearance: deep bags under their eyes and all.

Granted, even if she did suddenly have the opportunity to enjoy a proper break all on her own for once, it wouldn't feel right for her to push all of her current responsibilities onto her boss, even if she was sure he could handle it on his own just fine. She may not be the smartest or the quickest assistant in this building... But she is, for sure, one of the most dedicated ones, regardless of whether she enjoyed the job she was assigned with or not. If she was tasked with something, she would fight tooth and nail to do it and do it well.

Natasha may not be the best, but she's a hard worker, and she's willing to get her hands dirty if needed. Perhaps, that is why she's still in this privileged position, regardless of some stupid mistakes she causes them from time to time. She didn't know, and frankly, she was too ashamed to ask. As always, she simply went with the flow, too scared to make any choices, not only for herself but also for Ray and Saeran.

Though, today was a bit different from their usual busy routine.

Rubbing at her reddened cheek that was pinched between Saeran's cold fingers just a few moments prior, she raised her eyes at her boss's annoyed expression. At least he didn't snap at her with yet another insult about her being a total airhead or something. It seems like he was in a pretty good mood today, from what she could tell from him so far.

Well, Saeran's good mood still did not mean much in regards to his demeanor towards her, but dealing with a teasing Saeran was definitely way better than dealing with a pissed-off Saeran with his extreme mood swings that would exhaust them both by the time his screaming fits would subside. She hummed, pressing her lips together in an apprehensive apology, careful not to make any wrong move and set him off on accident. "Sorry... I, uh, I blacked out."

Well, that sure sounds stupid - her inner voice whispered in her ears, making her cheeks flush with further embarrassment. It's not her fault his rant sounded like total gibberish! While her thoughts played out in one language, Saeran's words were being said in another. Coupled with her tendency to get lost in her own head at times, it's no wonder she just stood there, utterly oblivious to the world around her, like a newborn chic.

He scoffed, clearly, a bit offended by her lack of engagement, turning away from her with both of his arms crossed tightly against his chest. If she didn't know any better, she would assume that she just hurt his feelings or something. His sharp stature resembled one of a sulky kid. "Whatever. Thanks to you, I lost my motivation to continue, so I hope you're happy, assistant."

She couldn't help but cringe at his sickly-sweet tone of voice, quite definitely hiding a bitter poison just underneath this deceiving surface of honey. Still, she could not afford to look away. Not after she just got caught practically ignoring him on the spot. If there's something Saeran hated, it's to be ignored by someone when he was speaking to them directly. Thankfully, he didn't seem to be in the mood for tormenting her any further for today. Instead, he plopped down onto the nearest bench, quite literally dragging her along with him by the wrist.

To be completely honest, it's a miracle she didn't fall flat on her face right then and there. Abruptly losing her balance, all she could do was stumble along, frantically waving her free arm up in the air and twisting her torso just enough for her to collapse on the side of the bench, bumping her forehead onto its wooden railing in the process. No way would she allow herself to fall right onto his lap like that! He would never allow something so intruding! So, some sacrifices had to be made.

It wasn't at all surprising to her to hear her wicked boss practically explode with cackling laughter, only making her cheeks burn up further. Ugh... Now she didn't want to raise her head from this bench at all...

"Are you seriously that ungraceful? Ray shouldn't have called you a 'princess', he should have called you a 'simpleton'!"

"You're the one who pulled me down." She didn't even think twice before opening her mouth to speak. It's rare for her to talk back to him in any way, but this was just too humiliating for her to keep listening to quietly.

"A proper lady would have enough dignity in her to understand how to fall with grace, you know. Though, I doubt someone like you would know anything about grace." This comment of his was clearly way more vicious in nature than the previous one he made. While just before he was only poking fun at her display in his own strange way, this time, he was obviously aiming to hurt her with his words. Natasha bit onto her lip, pushing down the immediate response that bubbled up to the surface at his insult. This is exactly why she shouldn't have talked back to him from the very beginning. She should know by now that she's not going to win here.

Saeran knew what to say to make it hurt.

Still, something inside of her refused to back down and accept this. Was it anger? Annoyance? Stubbornness? She didn't know. But, as she shifted in her place to sit up properly, yet another dry remark left her lips in a quiet yet perfectly clear murmur. "Like you know anything about being a proper lady."

Some part of her was terrified to lift her gaze onto his face. She was acting way out of line here, and his good mood was very unlikely to save her from some proper discipline that was waiting for her just around the corner. Just as the thought crossed her mind, a boney hand clasped itself atop of her head, making her face him by force. It wasn't painful, not yet, at least. She should be thankful enough for not having her hair pulled or being pushed right onto the ground for acting so boldly. Shutting her eyes tightly, she waited for her punishment, in whatever form it may come.

Although... Why is she imagining such cruel and awful things inside of her mind? While it's true that Saeran had a very nasty way of getting under her skin with his sharp tongue, it's not like he pushed her around much physically. Aside from some rare exceptions during an especially heated moment, he barely laid a hand on her. So, why is she so used to expecting something so horrible to come her way? And why is she accepting this outcome so easily without even trying to avoid it? Was Saeran really as cruel and sadistic as her imagination painted him out to be?

Natasha didn't know the answer to these questions. Or, maybe, she simply didn't see it, even when her answer was right in front of her nose, burning holes through her skull with his intense glare, even if she couldn't meet his heated gaze behind her shut eyelids. With bated breath, she kept quiet as a mouse, refusing to utter a single word to him.

"You have such a smart mouth sometimes, yet you refuse to even look at me. Pathetic." Saeran sneered right in her face, only making her desire to shrink in on herself even more appealing. She hated being confronted like this, and she hated not having any leeway for her to escape to. Perhaps, she simply didn't like being faced with her cowardly nature so adamantly. Truth is, he was right. It was so much like her to say something meaningful in the moment, only to backtrack out of fear and pretend like it never even happened. Either way, all she could do was clench her jaw tightly, and hope, that he would leave her alone soon enough. "If you're saying something to me, I expect you to own up to it, not tremble and whimper like a rabbit. Now, tell me loud and clear: are you doubting my knowledge?"

Much to her disappointment, he didn't leave her alone. What is she supposed to do now? Surely he would get bored of her silence eventually, right? But, the tightening of his firm hold on her hair told her more than any verbal warning ever could. Wincing - not out of pain or fear, but out of shame - she cracked one of her eyes open, glancing up into the burning pools of bright mint instantly pulling her in, like a pair of beautiful whirlpools right in the middle of the calm ocean. His eyes were so much brighter and livelier than hers ever were. Despite all of his anger and ferocity, his eyes were shining with life as he fought through every hurdle this cruel place threw at him. It was a different kind of shine than Ray's eyes had, even though they shared one body. While Ray's tired stare sparkled with an uncertain hopefulness she came to cherish so much, Saeran's stern gaze was one of passion and strive. Truly, she admired him for that. She admired them both for their resilience in this scary situation, whether they even realized just how suffocating this environment really was, or not.

Some small part of her felt like she was only pulling them down. Some part of her wished someone much more genuine and brave would take her place by their side. Someone who wouldn't be too scared to open up their heart to them and motivate them to seek out the path that they truly deserve, instead of staying stuck in here because it's all they know. Maybe, that's why she's so invested in their recent search for a new 'tester' for their Savior's mission.

Although, the idea of her being replaced by someone much brighter than her did sting a little. Not like her feelings mattered. Life was too ruthless for you to care about your feelings being hurt. All she had to do was bow her head low, go with the flow, and try to keep those closest to her safe, without risking her own skin in the process.

Much easier said than done.

Natasha sighed, lowering her eyes onto her sweaty palms rubbing nervously against each other. She should just get this over with. So, against her better judgment, she gave up on trying to prove her point or defending herself. Her voice came out as a meek whisper, barely audible even to her own ears. "I'm not. I'm sorry. What I said was really out of line and uncalled for. I'm sure you know better than me when it comes to these things."

God, she sounds absolutely pathetic. Maybe he really does have a better idea of being graceful than her.

Saeran huffed, moving away from her so abruptly, she almost lost her balance for the second time for today. Glancing up at his face, she could see that he was not at all not pleased with her answer. Was she not sincere enough in his point of view? Or was her apology too short? Maybe she'll just need to repeat her words louder for him to feel satisfied?

"Don't apologize to someone when you don't really mean it. It's annoying and very arrogant of you." She blinked, processing his statement that was so different from what she was expecting to hear from him right about now. He looked almost... disappointed with her answer. What was he expecting of her, if not total obedience? Truly, Saeran was almost as confusing as her own mind sometimes.

"I, uh... I'm... sorry?"

He rolled his eyes at that, quite literally ignoring her second awkward apology like he didn't even hear it. Instead, he lifted his head up to the sky, leaning his back onto the bench in a rather relaxed motion, before changing the subject altogether. "What were you even looking at, anyway? Since it's clearly more important to you than your boss's words. Do enlighten me, assistant."

Her heart skipped a beat at his strange demand, a small lump slowly forming itself right in the middle of her throat. Why is he asking her this? Surely he doesn't actually care about anything she might have thought about. But... It's not like she can lie and pretend like it was nothing now. She doesn't even really want to do that, for some odd reason. Trying to ignore the butterflies fluttering about deep in the pit of her stomach, she too returned her attention back to the starry sky unraveling itself high above them. It didn't take long for her to find the object of her wandering thoughts.

After all, it was very hard to miss it once you knew where to look.

"I was... Well, do you... see that one star? Right over there?" Unsurely, she scooted just a little bit closer to raise her hand up high and point her finger in the approximate direction of one particular sparkling dot she was talking about. Seeing as her partner kept quiet without interrupting her timid explanation, she continued, gaining more confidence in her voice the longer she spoke. "That's Sirius. It's one of the stars located in the belt of Orion. See how all these little stars are sort of clumped together there? That's the belt. Sirius is usually one of the easiest stars to find since it's so bright."

"Seems like a bunch of useless gibberish to me," Saeran said that, yet his cool gaze did not stray from the star she was informing him about. For some reason, just this small detail was enough to make the corners of her mouth lift slightly upwards, although she did not comment on this obvious contradiction of his. Was he, perhaps, too embarrassed to admit his interest in front of her?

For the first time in a while, Natasha found herself free from all the doubts and fears that were usually floating around inside of her head. There was no worry about the future, or regret about the past in her worn-out heart. There was only the present, and this lighthearted moment between them, even if there was a ton of things still left unsaid. She chuckled under her breath, lowering down her hand to absentmindedly kick off her shoes and put both of her legs up onto the bench, hugging her knees and resting her chin atop of them.

"Maybe. I just... you don't see the night sky so clearly in the city. It's all hidden away from the light pollution or heavy smoke. But, since Sirius is so bright, it can even be seen in the city at times. I know a lot about other constellations as well. It was my grand-" She caught herself before she could finish her sentence. Swallowing down some of the unwanted emotions coming back onto the surface, she then continued, correcting her mistake. "It was my neighbor who taught me all about it. He was such a lovely old man... His family was all living in the big city, so he was all alone in his tiny apartment for most of the time. Kind of like me. He was always so excited to talk about all the things he loved... and I was happy to listen. He even asked me to call him 'grandpa Alan', though we weren't related whatsoever. I guess he was lonely since he had no one to talk to face-to-face like that. He could talk about the stars and space for hours on end. He told me... that Sirius became a very special star in his heart because it reminded him of me. I never understood him. After all, Sirius is one of the brightest stars out there... That doesn't sound like me at all."

The light laughter that bubbled up in her chest was a bittersweet one. Natasha had to blink away a couple of stray tears as she kept her eyes locked on the bright star shining above the rest. "But, he was a stubborn man. Told me I was just too young to understand. I wish... I wish he could see this night sky. He would surely love it so much."

It wasn't until she caught Saeran staring down at her that she realized that she got too carried away with all this reminiscing. Feeling embarrassed of dumping all of this information onto him seemingly out of nowhere, when he didn't even ask her to, she quickly wiped her eyes with the sleeves of her blouse, hoping he wouldn't tease her too much for this.

"But, uh, that was all in the past, so- Not like it matters now. My life as your assistant and our Savior's believer is much more meaningful."

Her words were way too rushed and disingenuous for him to fall for that, she could tell that clear as day. All she could do now was shift in her place and brace for any impact that could come her way, be it in the form of mockery, laughter, or even anger.

Saeran kept unusually quiet as they sat there in tense silence, each of them left to their own individual thoughts. Natasha was way too scared to sneak a glance at him, but it did make her anxious to just sit there and wait. Finally, she could hear the faint rustling of fabric, as he too adjusted his posture for convenience.

"I guess that answers where you got your annoying stubbornness from."

"Huh-?" That sounded so out of nowhere for her that she didn't even have time to think before her head snapped back into his direction so abruptly, she almost gave herself a whiplash. Did she even hear him right? "What's that supposed to mean?"

She didn't intend to sound demanding or annoyed. She was simply confused. Her? Stubborn? That didn't sound like her at all. She wasn't stubborn... in fact, she was the total opposite of stubbornness. Just how many times in her life did she back out of something that could potentially better her life out of nothing but fear of failure? How many times did she lie to someone, simply because she was too scared of opening up her heart and being hurt? How many times did she give up on something she knew in her heart was the right thing to do, for no other reason than the fear of confrontation?

She wasn't stubborn, she was a coward.

So, why is Saeran saying this to her? She could understand Ray viewing her as something much greater than she could ever be, but Saeran? This simply didn't seem right.

The young man met her shocked stare head-on, simply raising a brow in a rather cool-headed manner. Looking back on this very moment, it's funny how their roles could switch so abruptly. Now, she was the one boiling over with emotions she couldn't possibly understand, while Saeran was the stoic figure that was the source of all this confusion. Either way, right now, Natasha was just too tuned in to this conversation to care. It wasn't long before he gave her his answer, nonchalantly rolling his eyes beforehand, like this was something as obvious as the color of the sky to him.

"What? Did you think you were a perfect princess who could do no wrong or something? Don't give me that look - you look stupid." He grumbled, lightly poking her leg with his knee as if this simple gesture would change her face like flipping channels on the television. Either way, before she could retort anything back to him, he continued his line of thought, albeit making it known, just how annoying it was to explain this to her with his gruff voice. "But, I guess you are stupid to not see the obvious. Look, I don't know a damn about this 'neighbor' of yours, but you are just as stubborn and weird as him."

"But- But I'm not stubborn!" She couldn't remember the last time she ever raised her voice like that. But, for some reason, she just couldn't let this go. No, she refused to accept this so easily. So, with her hands balled up into shaky fists, she leaned into his direction, keeping her eyes locked firmly onto his. "I don't have any true passions as he did - I don't even know anything useful! And I'm- I'm definitely not stubborn. Stubborn people are headstrong and determined. I'm not like that. So don't... don't compare us like that. He's- He's much greater than I could ever hope to become. I don't care what you think about me, just please don't view him as someone who's similar to me."

Once again, she had no filter. Why is she being so open with Saeran of all people? Even Ray did not know this much about her personal feelings on the matter.

This was dangerous.

"You really are a complete airhead. Can't you see you're only proving my point here? And that's how you always are. Annoying, whiney, and stubborn as a mule. How are you refusing to listen to me right now different from him refusing to listen to you before? I tell you that you're my toy, yet you refuse to act as one, though you like to pretend like you're a broken princess beyond repair. I don't know what your game is but don't try to act like you're my perfect servant when we both know that's not the case. You may act all sad and loyal, but you're a bad liar. If that's not stubbornness, I don't know what is. I despise that about you."

Natasha opened her mouth to say something - anything - only to close it. She was at a loss for words. No, rather, she wanted to rebuke his ridiculous conclusions. But, she couldn't. Maybe, that's because he was right. Maybe, she really was stubborn. Is that why it's so hard to accept his words as truth?

"...If you despise me that much, why haven't you thrown me away by now?" Truly, she didn't know where this bold question came from. Her question wasn't one said out of pain or sadness. Only curiosity. For some reason, she just couldn't take his last statement seriously. It didn't sound genuine.

No... It did sound genuine. It just didn't sound... hateful. How strange.

"..."

Saeran did not answer. This time, it was him turning his head away from her as she waited patiently for his response. Cursing under his breath, he barked back a curt answer that did not bring any satisfaction to her growing interest. "Well, I don't have time to search for a replacement! Plus, I would never hear the end of it from that weakling. If you're gone... It would get too annoying, so be grateful!"

She blinked, unsure of how to respond to something that. For some reason, her heart skipped a beat for the second time today, making her chest feel light and warm from within. It was so strange to feel like this from such a cross statement. But, even if she didn't figure out her answer quite yet, her heart could feel it. Saeran... He didn't hate her. Not really. Maybe... Maybe he even cared about her, in his own Saeran way.

But, that's an idea she was quick to brush off before her thoughts could wander off into the direction that was completely forbidden in their situation.

So, she merely smiled shyly, placing her chin back onto her knees to make him more comfortable. "Okay."

Nothing was said between the two of them after that. And, as Natasha raised her eyes back onto the night sky above, sneaking a glance at the star she cherished so dearly, she couldn't help but gasp at the sight. Sirius was shining brighter than ever before, sparkling down at her, like a tiny sun.

Was Alan happy with the way things were now? Maybe... he too could feel his true nature Saeran was trying to conceal from everybody. Maybe he was happy they found each other, against all odds.

Such a thought made her smile wider, whispering a silent 'thank you' in her native tongue.

After this night, she will try to stop hiding in fear. After this night, she will follow her heart, even if she's scared. After this night, she will embrace her stubbornness, instead of denying it.