#small honest following full of nice ppl

[cynicallyneutral]

to those who were asking abt my twt acc, just lyk that im in bsky under the same username as here (cynicallyneutral) so...yep

[seireitonin]

Idk how or why my name is being dragged into this and idk much about what’s going on w tomb and his gf??? But I’ll say this: I’m a very emotional person. Ppl didn’t just shit talk me in private as I’m just discovering now, but ppl also indirected me and made hate posts about me. And it just made me so hurt and sad. It reminded me of how the Creepypasta fandom was back in the day when it was full of drama and I hated it. I also just hate being involved in drama/ conflict of any kind. It’s sad bc I thought me and OutKast were cool bc we are/ were mutuals and I didn’t shit talk anyone. (My video wasn’t aimed at anyone specifically so I don’t think that counts as shit talking)And I didn’t know that they were shit talking me w other ppl. I didn’t deserve hate over a lighthearted video stating my opinion about a ship made over a decade ago. What I should’ve said is “I’ve had bad experiences with ticviwork fans” because I have. And it’s happening again:( im so sad that I associate ticciwork with SOME ticciwork fans being mean af to ppl. As I mentioned before I have autism so maybe my tone/ language was off in the video and for that , I apologize. But the hate against me was unwarranted. I would normally try to not say anything and just move on, but if I’m being honest, this just really hurts my feelings. And ik it’s the internet and no one is obligated to care about my feelings. But really I’m not even mad. Just really hurt. That whole “situation” hurt my feelings because I get really anxious when ppl are mad at me. I just want to talk about my special interest and chill. Idk. Anyway me and Tomb literally talked everything out the same day and it should’ve ended there. Idk literally anything about Tombs personal drama and I’m only speaking for myself. But again, finding this out just honestly hurts my feelings, especially bc I really like OutKasts art :(. (Idk about any “drama” besides the one me and tomb had and it ended the same day so everything else mentioned in this post idk about!) . To all my followers please be nice to each other. That’s all I ask atp. I also know that me saying them hating me hurts me and being vulnerable like this isn’t the best idea because it’ll give ppl more room to mess with me. But I just want to be honest in saying I’m very a very emotional person and my feelings are just so hurt. And over something as small as a ship :( (I’m not speaking on/ researching ANY drama mentioned here not involving me bc don’t want to be involved. Idk anything about Tombs drama, OutKasts or literally anyone else’s. I’m speaking for me and only me and my feelings so don’t ask me about anything else mentioned. Also don’t hate on all ticciwork fans, not all of them are like this. God I hope none of this comes out wrong TLDR: my feelings are hurt and it’s making my anxiety flare up kinda lol)

My call-out post on Necroromantics (Tomb)

Necroromantics on tumblr here has done nothing but be kind n supportive to all the ppl outkast, angelwowings n all those ppl have harassed and called names like freak, dm'd horrible things to, shittalked ppl who arent even friends w tomb.

Heres all the horrible things he says to ppl 🥺. Heartless monster!

Even after all theyve done w the death threats n the bullying and harassment all he does is try to move past it n be a better person n look out for others. How dare he!!

N as someone w bpd dont get me started on how he treats me. Its so abusive how he always makes sure im alright n reassures me constantly. N how ive dated him for 4 yrs n have seen his growth. Despicable! How dare a mentally ill person have times where they dont follow social norms n act on whats right/wrong omfg.

Lets cancel him for having bipolar next. Or is that too obviously ableist? No bc we cant say we're cancelling him for being manic we js have to cancel him for what he does while manic right? Bc thats how it works? Nd lets lie and ignore his paragraph form apology bc we dont care abt him actually getting better, we js care about the drama!

Lets not even start on how he put in the effort to talk to Seireitonin(?) during their mini "drama" to talk things out w her while all of u guys shittalked her in private and tried to create more drama while tomb wanted to hear her out. Or how ppl have come out n said that outkast n angelwowings r literally weird as fuck to other ppl who lack empathy.

Or should we talk abt how its so morally wrong that tomb lacks empathy n cant care abt ppls issues? Say that abt people with NPD too then. Not js the watered down versions u guys see on fuckin tiktok or tumblr. Accept ppl with NPD and ASPD n every other disorder where u cant experience empathy. Keep calling tomb ableist for not understanding social norms when ur actively hiding behind the "good victim" act js so u can be ableist towards him too. At least tomb had the balls to fuckin apologize to u nd still fuckin wish u all well.

Wtv this is literally so dumb. I know tomb very well n i would not fuckin put up with him if he was a bad person. He is literally so sweet n a good guy who hears ppl out and wants peace in life. I have seen him w his little sister how hard he tries for her. Ive seen how hard he tries w his friends, n with me even when my bpd acts up. U guys dont even fuckin know him n ur manipulating everyone w cropped screenshots n not saying how much u guys have bullied, threatened, manipulated, n harassed him. Ur pathetic

[losingherface]

I have the moon

Warnings: Quick ish Smut, 18+

Info : It’s Ellie and readers first night at their new house, that used to be Joel’s.

A/n: srry if it’s terrible, i’ve been busy and just not in the mood to write if i’m being honest but yeahhh also I would love to have requests that obviously fit within the story line because I’m getting a bit dry :))

•

The boxes were full and ready to go. It took about a month to pack up and completely move into Joel’s farmhouse.

It was strange seeing your apartment empty. You had lived here on your own for so many years before Ellie came along. The furniture had changed over the years, and pretty much everything did due to Ellie moving in, having dogs, they suddenly die, having cats, and they suddenly died as well. But this time, it was finally empty, it looked like it did when you had first bought it. It looked like you kept it the same all these years.

You handed the key to your landlord, Britt, she was always fun and kept you company before Ellie, when you were depressed about your job, or anything really. It was hard seeing you go and you felt the same of course. She held you in the tightest hug and it felt like a stab in your heart. But you wanted this, so you weren’t really worried about how you’d feel in a few days.

Ellie waited for you in the car. When you got inside, you immediately noticed the constant smile on her face, she would try hiding it but you could tell, and god that made you feel so good.

It was a long month. From the wedding, to Joel dying, and now this, moving five hours from the city into a rural town where you two would be basically separated from everything, it was a lot. Now you were ready to get to your new home and nap it all off.

•

Jesse, Dina, Tommy, and Maria had all helped move us in throughout the week, and make things comfortable for us. Dina couldn’t get over the countryside and Jesse was irritated by her constantly whining to move closer to us as their baby, JJ, spilled his juice everywhere and made a mess. You were ready for them to leave. Reaching over to pull JJ away, from potentially making another huge mess, Dina calls you to the kitchen.

You were close to losing your temper but instead just ignored it, maybe Ellie will do something.

“Yea?”

“I love these counters, I have a friend if you guys ever need a renovator.” Dina told you as she took out something from the oven, your attention immediately going there.

“Yea I know, What’s that in the oven?”

“My special banana bread, so you can think of me when we leave.”

It was literally all you wanted right now.

“Thanks Dina. I’m going to miss you. And that baby of yours.”

•

As for Ellie, she had been fine, for the most part. She hadn’t completely opened up about how she was feeling but you knew it was passing by. Passing by as in, she was accepting that she’ll never talk to Joel again, not that she’s getting over it and forgetting about him- she’ll never forget him, it was her dad. There was a glow that sat beautifully on her face and it was the same glow she had when you two got married, when you two would be in each other’s presence. It seemed that was her way of telling you but not telling you either that she was content and you loved it.

Your head peaked out of the kitchen once again to look at Ellie, JJ and Jesse in the living room. Ellie had been playing with JJ and you couldn’t help but lose your train of thought. It was so cute when she did that.

•

Dina, Jesse, and JJ were finally leaving. You were going to miss your best friend as she wasn’t just down the street anymore, she was five hours away. Her baby was getting older, and soon it was time she would have to start paying full attention to him so the chances of regular communication were getting lower.

You couldn’t help but feel a little heartbroken.

•

After everyone left, you devoured the banana bread with a large cup of milk, leaning over the counter, nitpicking everything in your head about this house.

You remembered Ellie had been setting up her art room, it was a nice size and way better than the balcony at the apartment. You cleaned yourself up and walked to the room.

The door was slightly open and the room had been quiet, only Ellie’s humming being heard.

You knocked on the door.

“Come in.” Ellie said softly and you walked in. Shutting the door behind you, trying to not disturb the peacefulness.

“It’s late, do you want to come to bed?” You asked as you watched her draw yet another portrait of Joel.

She yawned and put down her pencil. She didn’t answer your question and instead walked over to you and hugged your waist while kissing down your soft neck. She pulled away, “Let’s go.” She stretched her long arm out for you as she opened the door, leading you to your new bedroom.

The bedroom was large, with a walk in closet, a bathroom and a beautiful large window that wasn’t covered with curtains for the purpose of the countryside view.

The room was obviously empty only with a bed that had pastel yellow sheets Maria had bought. You sat down on the bed as Ellie followed. She sat and watched you take off your pants leaving you only in your underwear and a slightly large shirt, Ellie had done the same only her top half was completely bare.

•

It was the middle of the night in the new house, the first night you two had slept there. It had a creepy feel to it. It was quiet and dark, the only light coming from the large window you had been facing. From the window where you had been lying down, you got a nice view of the farm and the night sky, and also an occasional few cars that would pass by.

It was so hot that you had been fighting with the blankets all night, whether they should be on or off. Looking over at Ellie, she had seemed to be sleeping like a baby. You continue to look at the window while laying down, eyes wandering all over the place. The time was 2:00 a.m. It was going to be a long night.

Sweat begins forming on your back, causing you to pull your shirt off, now only in your undergarments.

“I’m going to go look for a fan. I think he had one in the attic.” Ellie just randomly blurs out causing you to look at her, startled.

“Please, baby it’s so hot.” You say as you lean over to the small chair beside the bed and grab the water bottle, desperately chugging it again. As you did that, Ellie leaves to look for a fan.

•

What had felt like forever, Ellie finally arrives with a fan. It was a decent size and was perfect. As Ellie plugs it in, you unclip your bra and let all of the cool air hit you before lying back in the bed, covering yourself with the blanket.

You hear Ellie rumbling into bed, a lot closer than before, wrapping her arm around your body, pulling you closer. It felt so nice to have her this close, as she really hadn’t been willing to for a few months. Also with the heat, you’d just hate being that close.

Ellie takes her warm and soft lips, and presses it on your neck. Kissing you up and down, you closed your eyes hoping she wasn’t just giving you a goodnights kiss but wanted more.

You pull your blanket down from your face to show her your exposed breasts, ready to be caressed and sucked on (lmfao idk how else to say it).

She looks at you with a slight smile before kissing your temple. “Please..” You whisper, grabbing her head with both of your hands, she knew exactly what you wanted. You adjusted your position, lying on your back, waiting for Ellie to slip under the sheet.

Ellie and you hadn’t been together like this in a while, considering everything she’s been through and the missed honeymoon. You can see it on Ellie’s face, she felt so good at this moment. Her face was lit up and the light coming from the night sky reflected on her face.

Ellie kissing down your neck, you move your hand over to caress her soft, slightly greasy hair. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, you whisper, “I love you.” She breaks the kiss, whispering the same back to you before continuing to kiss, getting lower with each one.

At this point, you both knew exactly where this was going, it was one of Ellie’s favorite ways to make you smile. You spread your legs a bit further, allowing Ellie to have some space. You desperately throw the blanket off of the both of you to be able to see her. Her strong hands hold down both of your legs, her eyes lock with yours as she begins licking you right where you wanted her to. Your eyes begin to look drowsy as Ellie begins to pick up the pace. As you moan loudly, you notice Ellie smiling at you making your sounds every once and a while. Seeing her do that made you want more, you loved seeing her that way. You throw your head back into the fluffy, white pillow, grabbing onto anything that was in your region as Ellie relentlessly pleased you with her wet, warm tongue.

you were a mess and by the time you were able to let it all out over Ellie’s sweaty face, you were covered in your own sweat, sitting up on elbows, looking at Ellie get up and move towards you.

Ellie grabbed the blanket nearby and covered you and herself up. You immediately wrap your body around hers, pressing light kisses to her face.

“I forgot how much I love doing that.” Ellie says as you slowly begin to open your eyes.

You propped your head up on your elbow, leaning into Ellie more, caressing your hard, short nails up and down her back. “It looked like you really needed that.”

“Yeah, I think us moving into this house, and getting to do that, makes me feel better.” Ellie struggled to say but it was genuine and you knew she’d be back on her feet again in about another week.

You didn’t know what to say, Ellie’s smile forming on her face effortlessly put you in awe and it left you there once again, staring at her because sometimes that’s all you could do. She appreciated it either way.

.

A/N: I suck at comforting ppl irl and it rlly shows in these stories, and this took me long cuz I can’t bring myself to write smut correctly so i was a little insecure but whatevererrr

[kass-storycorner]

I literally can’t sleep right now because I ate something ✨spicy✨ earlier and I shouldn’t have finished eating it after I noticed it that it was too spicy for my liking 🥲 (and knowing full well that my stomach can’t handle spice at all). But I was hungry and stupid and now I’m laying in bed with stomach ache and feeling sick… so I was inspired to write this (on my phone so the formatting is a bit weird). In those sense I am a Chongyun kinnie I guess. Now excuse me while I try to get a bit of sleep, I have therapy and work tomorrow and I really need a good nights rest for both.

Idea: Thoma invited you over to cook you dinner, but he underestimated how sensitive your stomach is (compared to his own… Thoma would probably eat the dubious meal from Botw without batting an eye)

Characters: Thoma x gn!reader

Genre: fluff

Content warning: mention of feeling sick, mentioning the preparations for vomiting, like getting a bucket etc. (but no actually vomiting takes place, this is the CN for all the other ppl out there like me who can’t deal with the topic very well), very very very slight suggestiv content warning (it’s just one stupid joke of Thoma lol)

Format: i feel like it’s too long to be a drabble but it’s also not proof read so eh also I don’t know how to put something under a cut via the tumblr app so until I’m on a desktop you have to deal with this in the tags I AM SO SORRY

You knew it was a mistake to finish your plate as soon as you ate the first spoon of what Thoma had prepared for you two. But he looked at you with such a bright smile in anticipation of what you would say, how you’d like what he had made specifically for the two of you. It was such a nice gesture for Thoma to cook for you, when he asked you yesterday you accepted his invitation for tonight. The both of you had been dating for a while now, however Thoma didn’t have many nights just for himself as the Housekeeper of the Kamisato Clan. So it was very nice for him to spend his first night off in a while cooking for you. With all of that in mind and his puppy eyes looking at you - ah, you just didn’t have the heart to tell him that it was too spicy for you. It wasn’t even that you didn’t like the taste, you probably would like the dish, but it was just… so spicy, there was no option for a taste. It was just burning in your mouth. With a smile you just kept eating until your plate was empty, hoping the consequences of your actions would be too severe.

And for a while you felt fine, spending the rest of the evening cuddling with Thoma on the couch, listening to how he told you stories about his home with a bittersweet tone. In the middle of one of his stories, he was just telling you about a story from his childhood when he searched with two friends for one of their pet turtles, your stomach interrupted him with a loud growl. “Oh, are you still hungry?”, he asked with a slightly teasing tone. “No, it’s nothing, just digestion”, you tried to laugh it off and for a while he kept continuing his stories, not paying too much attention to the different noises of your stomach. That was until he noticed how your body started to tense up, your face turning pale. “Hey, are you alright?”, Thoma shifted, having you sit beside him now. “Yeah, it’s nothing, I’m fin-“, but before you could even finish the sentence the pain in your stomach became worse, as if someone just punched you in it you jolted towards, hugging your arms around your stomach. Hunched over in pain you could feel Thoma’s hand on your back. “Do you need to vomit? Wait a moment”, before you could even answer his question he was already on his feet, running towards the small kitchen and getting you a bucket. Just as quick as he was on his feet he sat back beside you, his hand back on your back, the bucket placed in front of you. “Thoma, really I’m fine it’s ju-“, again you were interrupted by the pain, having to take a deep breath to manage the cramp. “You don’t seem fine to me,” his voice was filled with worry while he caressed your back. “It fine, really. I’m used to it, I just need to lay down a bit,” You we’re finally able to say, giving him a pained smile. This really wasn’t ideal and to be honest it was so embarrassing for you. Maybe, you thought to yourself, that’s the punishment for not being honest from the beginning. But you couldn’t turn back time, so this was now your evening. “Okay, hold on,” before you could even understand what he mean with that he stood up and picked you up, carrying you bridal style to his bedroom. “Thoma, what are you doing?”, surprised by the sudden action you cling to his jacket. “You said you needed to lay down,” he put you down on his bed, “it’s best for you to lay down here, the couch really isn’t the most comfortable when you need rest.” Any other night you would feel something different in your stomach, nervousness, excitement- whatever, the way he carried you into his bedroom, put you down on his bet… you really wished that the circumstances were different for his actions. Was he even aware of what he was doing? “Thoma, I’m sorry”, you sigh, hiding your face in your hands. God, all of this was so embarrassing. He sat down at the end of the bed, his hand on your leg. “Hey, don’t be, it’s not your fault that you don’t feel well.” Thoma stood up from the bed, throwing a blanked over you to then make his way out of the room. “Don’t go”, you mumbled before he was at the bedroom door. “Mmh? What did you say?”, he asked and came closer to you again. You grabbed the fabric of his clothes, repeating yourself. “Don’t go, please.”

The pain in your stomach was still bad, but worse was the thought of having to spend the night alone in Thoma’s bed and him willingly sleeping on his couch, because you couldn’t tell him the truth. Without any further words Thoma filled the empty space next to you in his bed, laying on his side, his one hand supporting his head and the other hand softly going through your hair. You had your eyes closed, concentrating on your breathing, to regulate the pain but also to calm yourself down from the whole situation. Laying next to him in his bed, so close and it all felt so intimate… ah, maybe the nervousness of the whole situation didn’t really help with the pain. After a while you felt Thoma’s hand press against your forehead. “Mmmh, they don’t seem to have a fever, that’s good”, he mumbled to himself. Ah, did he think you fell asleep? Awkwardly you cleared your throat, opening your eyes looking directly into his. “Oh-ah, you’re still awake?”, he looked a bit embarrassed at you noticing how he talked to himself out loud. “Umm- yeah. Thoma,” you shifted, now laying on your side and not on the back anymore, facing him. “Don’t worry, I’m really not ill, it’s just…”, you paused, hesitant to tell him this, “it’s just, the dish you made earlier was a bit … too spicy for me, I quite the sensitive stomach and… I just didn’t want to tell you earlier, you made such an effort to cook for me and-“, you didn’t knew what else was there to stay, burying your face again in your hands you mumbled out another apology to him. “I’m sorry that I didn’t notice it, I made you eat two plates of it, without seeing that you didn’t even enjoy it”, Thoma pulled you in a hug, his chin now resting on your head. “No, Thoma don’t apologise. You couldn’t have known it, I promise you I’ll tell you in future…”. Suddenly you felt another wave of stomach pain, making you curl up again in pain. “Ah, it’s so stupid that my body reacts to a bit of spice like that,” you try to joke, but Thoma only caresses your cheek, looking at you with worry. “How bad is it?”, he asks, wishing he could be of any kind of help to you. “I’m just in pain, so it’s not that bad”, you say hoping he won’t press further on the matter. You really weren’t in the mood to explain to him what exactly it could entail when you ate things that upset your stomach - especially spicy food. “Can I help?”, his hand again at your back, slowly going up and down. “Do… do you have a heating pad or something similar? Sometimes it helps when I put some heat on my stomach.” “No, I don’t have one put… wait, I have a better idea.” With that he made you turn your back to him, pressed to his stomach with it. “T-Thoma?”, you asked nervously when you felt his hand under your shirt on top of your stomach. “Don’t worry, just trust me I won’t do anything funny,” he replied. “Unless you want me to”, he added, which earned him a small nudge with your elbow in his side. “Ouch, okay got it, not the time and place”, Thoma chuckled and then you suddenly felt the heat on your stomach. You sigh at the feeling, visibly relaxing now. You two just stayed there for a while until you were the first one to fall asleep in his arms, Thoma following shortly after you. Neither of you did expect to spend your first night together like this, but you weren’t complaining.

[redxblueihateloveyou]

You know it's always really funny to me when mhs say that had it not been for swimming Haru and Rin would've never become friends bc I'm like, that's how relationships work???? You initially connect bc of something you have in common and go from there???? In that case you can also apply it to mh bc if Haru and Makoto had not been neighbors since they were young they probably would've never become friends either, but nobody wants to mention that bc then their argument crumbles lol

Anyways, your blog is literally the best and your rh (and general) takes are always so nice to read

I'm... same, I just do not understand what’s new about this? Like my mom and dad met while they were both working at school, if I started talking with a guy cause he told me that he liked my chibi Akashi bag and anime, is this not allowed? This in no way means that that’s all we like about each other or smth, this means this one thing brought us together.

This is the reason why I dislike mh fans so much. Because the majority of them instead of posting some canon facts and truthful arguments, they either twist some words into something unrecognizable, either try to change a rh moment into mh. I just always thought ppl ship things for what they are, not what they are not...

And the main problem in this happening and the error in their equation is Haru. Cause they’re trying so hard to sew him into that but with everything he says and do he constantly falls off and they end up with mako-haha. It’s like they say that Makoto is the reason that Haru walks into his future, which is hilarious tbh, and the next movie airs and what do you know Haru is yelling at Rin’s face how “he only walks towards the future and wants it bc of him”, they say that s2 relay teams are what they truly want which everyone knows ain’t true and boom drama airs and Haru and Rin are talking how it’s not the same if they’re not together on the team. They air all the birthday stories and oh no, Rin is special again. I remember how they were running around after that frfr! episode, where Rin tries to make Haru laugh and Makoto says he actually already heard it before and turns out it was kid Haru’s evil laugh in his sleep at school. Like what is so special about that? And how is this mh related? Haru was cutely laughing watching Rin sleep and just reading his text.. that’s yeah, that’s the reason to fuss.

Their problem is always Haru, he never fits their mh plan like ever. But do they listen to him? No. Because we have a moment IN THE ANIME, where Haru says “RIN, I WANT TO BE LIKE YOU, TOO.” meaning he wants to be as brave/daring/passionate, etc. cause Rin represents freedom for him. Okay, I’d get why some needed me to post an arguments list for “Rin doesn’t like Haru only for his swimming”, which is still hilarious to me, but okay, he does have a kink in books about Haru moving in the water and goes about it for several pages, but with Haru this is actually not the case. 

I don’t know if anyone noticed it, but swimming is not what attracts Haru the most about Rin and never was. It’s his character and state of mind and the way he makes him feel aka free. It doesn’t matter what they do, like whether they eat their rolls or draw new years fortunes. Haru said his whole body is on fire just when he looks at Rin and he doesn’t even notice how he starts smiling when Rin talks to him. It’s just the way he makes him feel. And swimming has nothing to do with that. Sorry, guys lmao.

Did they seriously just erase this moment, when Rin writes how he wants swim as fast as Haru in his letter, but Haru looks at the sky and he has this kaleidoscope of Rin’s pic in his mind and what he says next is "Rin, I want to be like you, too.” 

And he means what he says. It’s not about the swimming truly, he admires the fact that Rin follows his dreams with such passionate determination. Mind the fact that moments of Rin that flash before his eyes in this moment a) when Rin openly gushes about Haru’s swimming in front of everyone; b) when he yells in front of the whole class that if he wants a relay with Haru, he will bloody get it; c) his swimming; d) when he tells Haru that he’s a sight he never saw before he’s gonna show him the sight he’s never seen before. It’s about how what Rin wants, Rin fights for until he gets it. Haru is in love with his passion, always was, always will be.

Haru doesn’t want to “swim like Rin” although they did compliment each other by saying “I find your strength amazing” “but I find your stamina amazing”, and Haru always drools about the power behind Rin’s strokes, but Haru swims in his own beautiful way. And while he adores the way Rin swims, that’s still not his favorite thing about Rin and never was. Every time he talks about Rin it’s always about his personality and surprisingly... it’s rarely about swimming. When he thinks about Rin it’s always stuff like... how he is so colorful and intense and full of life and passionate about his dreams and how he stands out among everyone else to him, not about his swimming skills. 

So this argument is dumb AF tbh. I’m like.. yeah, and Lan Zhan loves Wei Ying for his demonic cultivation skills. Not because of his strong character, daring heart and his incredible ability to tick him off and light his cold ass on fire.

P.S. Seriously tho this is the first shipping base I see who just always for some reason does this stupid thing with finding a crumb and actively trying to make it into a bread but then realise it’s realistically impossible so they just replace it with a plastic one and pretend it’s real. This in fact makes your ship ridiculous. You can’t try to push the line that Rin is abusive (thats still lol) and how Makoto is better for Haru, since Rin did everything to make Haru reach his dream and made him happy and he’s the only one who can help Haru, when he feels down like in s2 and then with Albert and etc. Makoto can’t. It’s the truth, just let it go. I know there are not much positives sides in mh relationships to be honest in my opinion, but there are still some (?). Why not base your arguments on truth? Like at least it’s gonna be mh, not some imaginary thing. Either love mh for mh or don’t. Like yeah, Haru doesn’t resiprocate, but maybe one-sided stuff is your kink, ok, explore this, fine, but don’t try to make Haru into somebody else. Then it’s not your ship anymore.

It’s just funny to me like that Rin here writes poems about Haru and openly flirts with him in restaurants and plans their future together and I don’t even need to exagerate anything, it’s just how it really is and meanwhile mh is like “remember how 7 years ago Utsumi said that Rin and Haru wouldn’t be friends if it wasn’t for swimming, so mh is the shit”.. like I’m sorry, but I think I’m allowed to laugh at this. Sometimes you just have to let it go, seriously. Or at least like idk think before you post (and I know that it has like 3 retweets and no one cares, but still 3 ppl agreed and it reached me somehow, so..). My policy is when I create posts about my ships is validation. Like my last Rinharu facts youtube post got 5K likes, I didn’t post my thoughts, just their moments and at the end I specifically said “I have links/translations to all of this, so name thing you want to read, I’ll link you” and I linked everyone whatever they wanted. 

This is how you tell ppl a story of why you love this ship and make them fall in love with it, too. Not by making up lies about what’s not there and twisting someone’s words (like this person wrote “thats what she really meant *adds complete nonsense*). And I know mh do not have any of this stuff that rh have, but if you really ship mh, find something real and go from there. Seriously, it’s better if you have smth small, but real, than a huge lie.

Also I still think ship is about two people, not just one. Why mh don’t want to listen to anything Haru says or wants like at all? That’s just sad. 

P.P.S. Thanks for liking my blog, this makes me so happy <3<3<3

[agoracactus]

Pt4.5 - the village of Blatta

this is a short (hopefully) story happened before you met Jaskier.

cuz i forgot to write this segment. and cuz im too busy to finish my long chapters in a week, and didnt wanna keep ppl waiting, if theres ppl waiting (hopefully lmao)

Pt.1  Pt.2  Pt.3  Pt.4

Pairing: Geralt of Rivia x reader

Word Count: 1931

Warnings: lack of proofread, language, blood, death

Summary: im giving up on this part completely, names and summary, my two nemesis

§

You sat at the edge of the bed, staring at your feet, having a silent debation inside your head.

“You’re up?” Geralt pushed open the door, saw you sitting at the bed, “Good, it’s getting late, we should keep moving.” “Oh, ok.” you nodded, stood up to grab your bag.

You came across this nice little village last night, and everyone was surprisingly friendly and welcoming. People invited you to their house and share food with you. Some even offered you their beds so you can have a good rest. To be honest the hospitality scared you a little, you were used to people being mean for you’re traveling with a witcher.

Walking out of this shabby wooden house, the sun was warm and bright. Couple of folks greeted you with a smile. The village looked busy, people were walking around preparing for something looked like an event, excitement floating in the air. You returned the greetings, feeling flattered.

“Oh! You are leaving?” a woman was holding a basket full of dead chicken under her arm, blood seeped through the woven basket and dripped to the ground. “What a pity! The festival is around the corner, you should stay! We love having guests! There’s going to be a feast!” You sneaked a glance towards Geralt, he seemed to have no interest at all in this feast, “Thank you for the kind offer, but we need to go now.” you tried to be as polite as you can. Not every day you get to meet someone who’s nice to you.

“Hey, um, maybe we should consider staying for a few more days?” you suggested, watching Geralt handed out an apple to Roach. “No, we need to head south, that’s what the contract said.” “Yeahhh but, it’s a feast! Feast means food!” you tried to persuade him, “We could use some free food! People here are nice- How many times did you actually receive a warm welcoming from others?” “You can stay all you want, I have a job to do.” he gave you a stern look.

You bit your lower lip, looked back over your shoulder at the small village.

“You know what, maybe I should.” you finally made your decision, “I’m staying.” Geralt stopped to look at you, didn’t understand what you were up to this time. “I’ve been thinking about this for, quite a while now... Now that we came across a lovely place, people here are friendly and welcoming... Maybe it’s time that we part ways.”

He didn’t reply.

You couldn’t tell how he felt about this.

“Don’t get me wrong, I really like traveling with you... It was fun, the adventures... And you were nice to me... But I feel like you’d rather travel alone- I mean, I get it, I’m just a weak-ass human girl, who is better stay behind when you hunt instead of getting in your way... And sometimes I get you- us- into trouble-” you realized you started babbling, so you stopped to take a breath in. “What I’m trying to say is, you are such a nice person that you probably don’t even notice that I’m just taking advantage of you... And I don’t want that. So I’m breaking this little group up. For our best interests.”

“Very well.” he untied Roach’s rein. “...That’s it?” you frowned, “You’re not gonna say something?” “I said ‘very well’.” “...” you rolled your eyes behind his back, “...Well, I guess that’s it then?” “Mmm.” Geralt hopped onto Roach. “It was nice meeting you, witcher.” “You too.” he nodded his head. “Take care, ok?” “Farewell, y/n.”

§

“Have some soup sir, it shall warm you up.” the merchant handed the witcher a wooden bowl. The witcher thanked him. Everything was quiet except for the slight crackling from the fire.

“Where are you from?” “Sodden, sir.” “You’re going north?” “Kovir, got some business to do there.” “Still got a long way then? There’s a small village on the way to replenish if you follow along this way.” “Small village? The village of Blatta? No sir! No one should ever go anywhere near that place, especially during this time of the year.” “Why?” “Those who travel frequently on this path all know the village of Blatta. It’s the village of worshipers of the Dark Lord. They hold a grand festival in name of their vicious god every year around this season, using the blood of their livestock to attract monsters, making sacrifices of children and young women and any outsiders who happened to come across their way and call that a ‘cleanse’- Where are you going sir? It’s not safe to travel in these woods at night- Sir!”

§

He was late when he arrived at the village.

There was no light in any of the houses, all the doors and shutters were closed. The pungent smell of blood was drowning him. Several dark shadows were squatting around, he could hear the sound of munching, slurping and the nasty noise coming from their throat. He took out a small tube, uncork it with his teeth, drank it all up and jumped off of Roach. He took a few steps forward with the momentum, took out his sword and carefully approached.

The faint light from the moon was not a problem to his witcher eyes, he slowly walked closer to the necrophages, formed a sign with his fingers. Flame bursted out from his hand. The monsters screamed and ran away into the woods.

The witcher looked down. All the bodies had their wrists and ankles tied up, dried animal blood mixed with their own congealed in their hair. It seemed like the villagers poured the blood of their livestock onto these poor lives and left them here to be devoured by the necrophages.

To his relief, he didn’t see anyone resembling your feature.

He heard something inside the house. He turned and saw pairs of eyes peeking through the crack of the shutters. The witcher felt anger quietly rising within him. He held tight to his sword, picked up his pace to follow the trace of the monsters into the forest.

§

You were hurt, you couldn't tell where exactly you were hurt due to the burning sensation spreading across your torso. But you didn’t dare to slow down.

You tripped against a rock and fell hard to the ground. The pistol in your hand almost misfired with your finger held tight against it. You tried to get up, but your limbs were weak from the pain.

All you could hear was your heartbeat and heavy panting.

You thought you lost them. The monsters. But you couldn’t lose the sight of the screaming children. You shook your head to get rid of the image before it brought up more traumatizing memory, and struggled to get up.

You knew you were lost in this forest, every direction looked the same, and the dim light of the crescent moon was not helping. You wiped your forehead with the back of your hand, felt the moisture there which you couldn’t tell if its sweat or blood. You took a few deep breaths to steady your heart and picked a random direction, quietly walked towards that way, praying to whoever’s out there this is not the way back to that horrific village.

§

The witcher was panting heavily. Standing in the middle of a pit which was full of the bodies of the creatures he just slew, on a bed of human bones and pieces of cloths. The stench of rotten flesh and the necrophage was piercing through his nose to his brain, but he didn’t move. He just stood there, eyes glancing around frantically around the once-monster-nest.

There was a snap of the twig behind him, sounded like thunder in this deadly silent woods. He turned around sharply, wielding his sword, ready to strike out.

You were at the edge of the pit, eyes wide, face pale as a sheet. He saw cuts above your eyebrow and on your arms and legs, and smelled dirt mixed with blood and sweat.

“Oh my god...” you said under your breath, staring at him. He realized what he looked like now, under the influence of his potion. He instinctively turned his face away.

“Geralt...” you jumped down the pit, ran to him with effort, and threw your arms around him. Geralt stiffened. “Are you hurt?” you quickly released him, pulled back to look at his face, then gave a quick scan down his body--- but you couldn’t tell with the limited moonlight, so your eyes shot right back at his face, “Geralt?” “...No.” he stared right back at you, and didn’t see what he was expecting in your eyes.

“...I’m so glad I found you...” you hugged him again. He now realized you were trembling. He put his hand on your back, “You’re safe now.” You nodded against his leather armor, didn’t care it smelled like shit.

You released him once more, “Let’s get out of this hell hole shall we?” trying to make a joke, but failed with your now shaking, choked voice. He nodded, sheathing his sword, “Maybe next time find a better village?” You let out a nervous laugh, took his forearm to climbed out of the pit.

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

i am very much enjoying my vague void! it's currently blasting hozier at full volume and that's almost louder than my internal screaming (don't worry, everything is fine, i just saw a spider)

i've never once in my life have followed a recipe correctly. all of my measurements are completely random and whatever happens happens. it is no longer in my hands. whatever eldritch entities exist take the wheel. and i absolutely refuse to spell anything in english without autocorrect because y'all have way too many double letters and random vowel placement

thank you! sadly, i won't have a break right now, because we just had christmas vacations, but the start of the new semester is always pretty chill. and you're absolutely right, i should take up necromancy! the snow and the cold will add to my mysterious vibes. i just need to get a big black cape with a hood to complete the aesthetic

i definitely picture everything above 5'6 feet as the same height. 5'7 and 6'2? the exact same thing. no difference here

how is morepork a real bird name. it's just... more pork? but the bird is magnificent. i completely approve of your first order as bird queen, not that you need approval from mere peasants like me, but it's a great order. ohhh salps look really cool, and it does look a lot like it! when you said boob implant i thought of mermaids and them using salps as boob implants but then i realised wait wouldn't jellyfish be better for that? because of their shape? ignoring their little leggies they're quite boob shaped, no? and then i realised that i was thinking about mermaids and alive boob implants... if i had to think it, you have to read it. i'm sorry

i was sold before but now i'm even more sure that i want to hire you. and I'll make sure to have lactose free cheese for the backflips (unless you want the lactose version? i'm not judging). will the biting of ankles cost extra?

that sounds like a brilliant set-up for a horror movie where they kill off all the children one by one. it's absolutely horrifying. if something like that would've happened to me i would've most likely just passed out. whatever happens afterwards is not my problem. and now i really don't want to know what the hell your leg was caught on because that seems like knowledge that would get me killed

ah so you're a fellow dirt eater? according to my mom my favourite thing to do outside when i was a little kid used to be eating sand. just shovelling handfuls of it into my mouth and crying when my mom made me spit it out. which i refuse to believe. if there are no photos it didn't happen

you warm climate people are starting to make me think that i'm better adjusted to the cold than i thought i am! it's either that or our buildings are better heated. i definitely don't know if anyone else calls hot water bottled hotties but i like it so from now on i'm using it

that's so cute! i was clearly a way more selfish child because when i found any amount of money i just kept it and bought candy as soon as i could. i clearly couldn't save money then and i can't now. we have stores like that (or i'm assuming that they're like that solely based on how they sell lollies) and they used to be my favourite thing because you could get so many lollies for such a small price!! and my mom even used to let me order for myself sometimes so i always felt like a very big girl jsjshsbsjk

also the fact that i can't send pictures on anon is a crime (yes i know why and it's good that that's not possible because can you imagine anons being able to send pictures? oh no is all i have to say about it) but anyways. because i have this one super cursed photo that reminded me of you and now i can't share it :((

duuuuude, sick void bro. sounds like a vibing void. I feel like I haven’t seen a spider in awhile. Other than daddy long legs. But they’re chill. They mind their own business. 

I nearly always follow recipes exactly. My mum is like oh cook this for about 7 minutes? Yeah sure. I’ll take a wild guess. I’m like they say exactly 7 minutes so I’ll set a timer for 7 minutes and start a stopwatch so if it does seem to need more than 7 I can keep an eye on the extra time and be aware of exactly how long it takes me for next time. Other people are like oh let's see I have [lists 5-10 things in their fridge], hmm...oh I know what I could make with that! I’m like I have beans in my freezer because one recipe required them and no other recipes I know how to make do so what am I supposed to do with these now,,, this is stressful,,, basically I barely know how to cook and recipes are the only things saving me in that area. That is entirely fair. Except for the fuck duck, and murder is not the word you want surely, situations, it’s pretty helpful.

Ohhh I see. At least the start is chill! For a little! Before your entire situation spirals out of hand and you’re behind in every class and it’s taken you a whole day to read 10 pages and you’re exhausted and it’s only week 2. Just me? ok. fair. anyway. I want a cloak so bad. One of my uni friends tempted me to class because she said she was wearing a cloak so my depressed ass honest to god dragged myself out of bed and to said class just to see it. It was worth it. They’re incredible. Everyone should own a big cloak for the aesthetic.

I’m glad it isn’t just me hahaha. I can visualise my own height in feet but everything else is just the same size that is a vague amount taller than me, mentally.

It’s also known as the ruru. But the name morepork amuses me. It’s named after the call it makes haha. It does sound like it’s asking for more pork if you know to listen for that. thank u for ur approval, it means a lot, turns out becoming bird queen didn’t ACTUALLY get rid of my anxiety disorder weirdly enough so validation is great! lmaooo. What if the jellyfish stung them tho? At least salps wouldn’t do you dirty like that. The mermaids would just look like there are hundreds of bugs crawling around in their boobs, flesh shifting as they float around. Which is a vibe. If you’re into that. Jellyfish WOULD make a more solid, single, implant, some of them are definitely boob shaped. But that’s kinda boring no one’s gonna be traumatised by that. Salps on the other hand...yeah, that sight will DEFINITELY traumatise someone.

To be PERFECTLY honest I haven’t done a backflip in years but for lactose-free cheese? Dude. I’ll be going back to training. Gonna be the best backflip you’ve ever seen. As long as it’s not Tasty cheese I am content, but lactose free IS better. The biting of ankles will not cost extra, it is a pleasure to be allowed to do that.

Oh it absolutely would be. It’d be very funny if it reached the wider world bc people would probably be like ok but who would send kids into the bush like that,, it’s an odd concept. meanwhile everyone who grew up in nz is gonna be like y’all, you’re not gonna fuckin BELIEVE what i experienced growing up, it’s real dude. On one hand, I feel like murdering kids in a movie is questionable, on the other hand, It exists, so maybe people would be down for it. I feel like it’d be a good concept even if it wasn’t murdery tho. Like psychological horror? I’m not sure if I’m using that category correctly I don’t watch much horror. A kid following the rope but then being shifted into a different horror dimension but they never take the blindfold off because their teachers said not to and they’d probably have to let go of the rope to do it...I feel like this could work super well as a short film. The viewers see everything. The child just knows something is off and no one is coming when they call for help. I am so down for this. I also do not want to know what my leg was caught on. Some things I am better off not knowing.

yes! I am a fellow dirt eater! We had a sandpit at home (that’s a little bold. It was a large plastic shell that my parents filled with sand. technically a sandpit. but not fancy sdflsdkfsdf) but I don’t think I ever tried to eat it. Then again, I possibly did and just don’t remember because there’s no photo evidence of that one. I’d have to ask my parents sdfhsjdfs, I would however fully believe them if they said yes. it’s very characteristic of me. I don’t doubt it for a second. muuuum that’s my emotional support sand don’t make me spit it out smh the disrespect these days.

Oh I’m absolutely terrible even by most people’s standards around here when it comes to cold and hot temperatures. I remember sitting in the sun in my school shirt and school jersey in summer on a blazing day like it’s a bit chilly, isn’t it? Meanwhile my friends were in the shade absolutely dying from the heat. Likewise in winter I’d be shivering, teeth chattering, dying with my long sleeve thermal, my school shirt, my school jersey, my school jacket, my longs, warm socks and sneakers and gloves and school scarf while ppl would be walking around in a shirt and shorts like it’s a bit warm this winter huh? my body didn’t learn how to thermoregulate and it shows. But yeah NZ does also have a reputation for shittily insulated buildings and such. It shows. skhdfsfs if it’s not common use maybe don’t say can i have a hotty to someone without context but otherwise go ahead lmao. it’s a fun shortened version.

I was typically a very good saver, to the point where my extended family started gifting me gift cards and vouchers for Christmas and my birthday because if they just gave me money I’d put it in my bank account to save towards uni once I hit like, 12 years old. Which I think was a smart move. But apparently, I’m supposed to buy myself ‘something nice’ with it. I think I’m still an okay saver but I’m not as strict anymore. I’m aware of how much I can spare and I’m not just like you can never get anything for yourself ever, so I do get lil things for myself sometimes. oooo yay! At least you know what I mean. But yes. They were the gold mine for lollies. Absolutely terrific stores. My mum would be like hey lindsey how about you order? And I’d be like mother, I am 7 years old and I have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder everyone assumes is child shyness why would you think I would want to do that. Instead I will whisper my choices to you. After therapy tho I felt pretty rad for picking my own lollies by myself. I was like 13 at that point but sdfkjhsdf listen I got there in the end.

sdfkjsdfkjhsdf I like that a cursed photo reminded you of me. That’s all I need to hear. Tumblr said no anon dick pics but they also said no anon cursed photos either,,, very sad. for the latter part. the first part thank god. If I could turn on photos on anon I absolutely would just to see this but I don’t think I can :(

[ratchetneptune]

Zodiac Signs In Theory vs As I’ve Known Them

Aries 

in theory: angry 24/7, impatient, always fighting, active, impulsive, badass, ambitious, independent

reality: I’ve noticed that Aries is very controversial, people normally either love or hate them. They’re not always angry but still argumentative and can become childish and not open-minded/empathetic during their arguments. However, when it comes to their friends, they are good listeners and uplifters. They might say some things that could make things worse while others open up to them (since they don’t have much experience being comforting), but they try their best, and at the end of the day, they help you much more than they detriment you. They are very protective of their friends. Aries also can be emotional and insecure, but they are good at putting on a bold/confident persona. A lot of Aries people I’ve met usually aren’t super active and tend to be on the heavier side. (This doesn’t mean that they aren’t active at all, and this isn’t true for all Aries ppl)

Note: most Aries people I’ve met are female (and yes, gender does influence how a sign normally acts)

Taurus

in theory: lazy, stubborn, always eating or sleeping, likes music, good singers, slow-moving, easy-going, dependable, practical

reality: Taurus loves to indulge (in eating/sleeping/etc) because they are pleasure-seekers and sensual. Some consider them over-indulgent but the truth is that they work hard for what they earn. They like to “treat themselves�� for the work they do. (I mean, who doesn’t like to relax?) While they seem to be moving too slow, Taurus just likes to go slow and steady, and this makes them consistent. Once they start a solid rhythm, they can’t be stopped. They can be stubborn at times but usually they are chill people and don’t like to argue. I’ve noticed that Taurus loves music, but they usually don’t listen to mainstream music. Whether it’s alternative or old school songs, I don’t usually see Tauruses listening to “popular” music. When it comes to singing, their vocal talent is a hit or miss. They can either sing well or are tone-deaf. 

Note: most Taurus people I’ve met are male

Gemini

in theory: superrrr fast-paced, two-faced, mentally scattered, chatty, lies a lot, changes too often, energetic, outgoing

reality: Geminis are usually very smart without trying. They are naturally inquisitive and witty. They can adapt easily to new situations and people. Geminis are usually good at giving advice yet are somewhat (lowkey) judgmental. They are playful (and usually not “mainstream”) people. Gemini usually has pretty artsy vibes. Super honest people and aren’t afraid to be. Knows when and when not to take risks, and if things don’t go as planned, they can accept it and move on. They are hard to get close to (even though they’re talkative), which is why it’s hard to figure them out. Usually, if you’re asked “well what do you really know about Gemini?”, you won’t really be able to give an answer.

Note: most Geminis I’ve met are female

Cancer

in theory: emotional, hyper-sensitive, weak, moody

reality: While they are emotional, Cancers can regroup and have mental strength. Because of their ever-changing emotions, they have empathy (because of their experience lol) and can be nurturing and caring. They are affectionate people, and love their friends dearly (and make sure to tell their friends that). They can be clingy but the rest of us don’t really mind since they’re such small and cute people. They can be oddballs but above all, we love them.

Note: most Cancers I’ve met are female

Leo

in theory: loud, proud, bold, self-absorbed, dramatic, attention-seeking

reality: Extremely caring people. Some of the best people to be friends with. Yes, they can be dramatic sometimes, but they will always be loyal to their friends. They know when to appreciate their friends instead of neglecting them. The reason they like to be “confident” is that they are secretly self-conscious about what others think of them. However, they remain highly charismatic people and are very energetic. They can have big/noticeable hair, but that is not always the case. Generous and genuine people, they’re rarely fake (unless they’re self-conscious... in that case, fake it ‘till you make it!). Sometimes they like to be the center of attention and like to have a lot of friends, but only a close circle will know their true feelings.

Note: most Leos I know are female

Virgo

in theory: annoying, neat-freaks, rude, perfectionists

reality: Not necessarily neat-freaks but likes things to be in a certain order. They are usually pretty bold and popular people (from what I’ve noticed). They can be eccentric and outgoing. I’ve noticed that Virgos are usually very pretty people and while some see them as rude, they’re just opinionated and not afraid to speak their minds. Some of them are all talk, but most of them won’t hesitate to follow through with their actions. Don’t get on their bad side, they can be quite scary (lol). They do what’s necessary and practical in their minds. Super supportive friends but can be critical at times.

Note: most Virgos I know are female

Libra

in theory: fake, can’t make a decision, pretty, popular

reality: Libras are very likable people, but they don’t tend to be popular. Because many people like Libras, they can get away with more things. Lots of Libras are social floaters, as they can be so social that they fit into many friend groups. They can be shy at first, but once you get to know them they are very outgoing. However, while they might have many friends, they will only have a few who they are close to (and it’s either super easy or super hard for them to find people they can be open with). When they find the people they truly vibe with, they stick with them for as long as possible. They seem to not be able to make a decision, but they are just empathizing and weighing all the potential options that will have the most benefit and justice towards all. They can’t really hold in their own secrets, but they can seal their mouths when it comes to others’ secrets. While they do love to gossip, they won’t reveal information that’s personal to others. They like to make others happy and tend to be people pleasers. They usually neglect their own needs to maximize the happiness of others. If they actually realize that they need a break, it’s usually because of an outside influence that convinces them to. They’re fun and energetic people, and good, fair mediators. Like Taurus, they also are very indulgent people. 

Note: most of the people I know are Libras, and I know the same amount of Libra men and women

Scorpio

in theory: mean, mysterious, intense, passionate, extreme, cold, always doing it

reality: Scorpios seem to be mean, but only because it takes longer to get close with them than others. They put up a wall and aren’t very social, but they develop very good friendships (due to the time and effort it takes to get close with them). They come across as cold and mysterious but only because they’re shy (and even though they’re shy their simultaneously bold???). Scorpios are often mistaken for fire signs because of their intensity, but they are indeed a water sign! They love when others give them empathy and they are very empathetic themselves. They can be intense at times, but they are also extremely comforting. They close themselves off often, and you can’t force them to open up, you’ll just have to wait it out and let them come to you. The more you press/rush them the less likely they will let you in. They aren’t always doing it, but yes they’re horny. They don’t usually seek relationships and like to take their time, but they aren’t opposed to fuck buddies. They are open to talking about sex, which is comforting since many consider sex a taboo. In general, they are really nice to talk to about taboos, since they won’t judge you about it.

Note: I know many Scorpios but not all of them are Scorpio suns. The ones I know have different Scorpio placements (Scorpio suns, risings, and cusps), but the risings and cusps share many qualities with Scorpio suns! I know both many female and male Scorpios

Sagittarius

in theory: adventurous, creative, stubborn, exaggerators, assholes

reality: Confusing people. They are more hypocritical than Geminis (from what I’ve seen) and are usually clueless. They don’t really know much “street smarts” and speak without knowing the full truth. They aren’t intentionally rude, they just try to speak their minds. They hold grudges because of their opinions. They are free-spirited, cheerful, and carefree, and love to soak up life. They don’t like to look for the negative in the world (they love to see the beauty in it) and the reason they usually dislike people is because others don’t see the world as they do. We should really envy the way Sagittarius people look out onto the world, they see it as an endless adventure that’s beautiful and filled with dreams waiting to be fulfilled. They are super fun to be around and hang out with. They come off as cheerful people, but nobody really knows what goes on behind the surface. They’re closed books. Like Geminis, you won’t really know them personally, or much about who they are as a person / down to the core. Usually, we have very surface-level friendships with Sagittarius.

Note: I only know a few Sagittarius ppl, and they’re females

Capricorn

in theory: boring, materialistic, ambitious, perfectionists, sense of purpose

reality: Capricorns are practical people. They aren’t necessarily boring or perfectionists, they just know their own limits. They always take a practical approach to things and tend to think with their head rather than their heart. This isn’t a bad thing since they can usually predict what outcomes they get based on their decisions. They usually are pessimistic, and prepare for bad outcomes (always being practical, as usual). They have a stereotype of being ambitious and materialistic, but the Capricorns I know are unsure of who they want to be / what career they want to go into. While they are focused on the present and don’t like to dwell too much in the future, they tend to be successful in whatever they do, due to their hard-working mindset. They don’t usually dwell on the future, but they are long-term thinkers. The reason they focus on the present is so they can put in the work now so they don’t have to do it later. They are smart and successful, and that’s no accident. They work hard for what they want and are very independent. They don’t rely on others too much. In general, they aren’t too social and tend to be short. They are reliable and stable friends and are really good to talk to about serious topics. They have good ideas/opinions/solutions since they tend to think realistically.

Note: I know around the same amount of Capricorn men and women

Aquarius

in theory: cold, detached, unemotional, weird, aLiEnS, quirky, heartless

reality: These oddballs do have emotions. All of the Aquarius people I’ve known are extremely emotional people. They seem emotionally detached but that’s only because they attempt to rationalize their feelings and don’t like to display their negative emotions. However, they are usually friendly, bubbly, and are great friends to have. They are humanitarians and love to help others. It’s hard to generalize Aquarius because all of them are unique. The way each Aquarius sun acts usually depends on their other placements. Aquarius people are unconventional, imaginative, and idealistic.

Note: most Aquarius people I know are female

Pisces

in theory: shy, unrealistic, emotional, daydreaming 24/7, spaced-out

reality: Pisces people don’t like to focus on the negative and need lots of time to rest and retreat, which is why they like to have their heads in the clouds. These sensitive guys and girls learn a lot from daydreaming, like adaptability, compassion, and how to focus on the positive and how to have empathy. Unfortunately, while they like to focus on the positive, I’ve noticed that many Pisces are prone to mental illness. They can become quite sad and anxious. Most of the Pisces I know struggle with mental health issues. Although they experience negative emotions more often than others, their friends and family can help ease them. They will have good highs that balance out their lows. They are nice friends to have, as they can be very helpful and compassionate. We should all treat the Pisces we know better, since all they want to do is be nice (and they’re sensitive bois).

Note: I based most of this off of Pisces women

[umbillicalnoose]

i think that you would think im pretty and would like my poetry and i want to share it with you. im shy.

to be honest, im very apathetic these days. im not the nice “cutesy baby flower petal boy” i used to be. a lot has happened & im bitter & sullen & all in all, a pretty shitty friend/person to know. i used to possess some redeeming qualities, believe it or not, even if they were construed by the subconscious in an attempt to be likeable - a facade, even tho its only a facade, is still tangible, still there, is still something, even if not authentic. is poorer character forgivable in the name of presenting more authentically? but nah. that makes it sound like im putting effort into being a better person, which im not. im just sort of fried & done. its been a very long time since i played the role i built for myself on here of the “small fawn boy who wants to help girls” lmaooo. how embarrassing. altho, i was just a kid, & i guess, if you had a tumblr as a teenager, you went thru some cringe (i know the use of that word has fallen in on itself & adopted its own definition but for lack of a better one) ass phases, whether it was kinning or malingering mental illness or oh fucking christ, all that gender bullshit, etc etc. from what ive observed, tho, loosely following kids im still casually friends with that i met on here, i think we’ve all managed to Grow The Fuck Up, at least a little. most of us have jobs or r in school or have partners - growing up & moving on is a very surreal experience to watch/go thru. im moving at my own pace & ive accepted that - im still currently using & starving myself & concocting a suicide plan every day but at least i use clean needles as much as possible, i actively & honestly do strive for the bare minimum calorically, & um able to work with the mentality of “well ill have this when i need it but todays not that day” a lot more readily, in relation to suicide shit. ive finally found a therapist who Really Gets It, is a frontrunner internationally on ritual & extreme abuse & mind control. its pretty incredible what a few years with a good therapist can do. anyways. im sorry, i know you didnt ask for all this & im not even sure why i divulged. i guess, what tipped me off, was your attempt at sounsing “cute” - dude, cut that shit out, i promise youll be a lot better off. & i know everyone interchanges aspects of their personality based on who theyre talking to/who they percieve themselves to be talking to, but i feel like not a lot of people give enough credence to the internet & its hand in shaping/molding young people, kids, vulnerable dumbasses, especially tumblr (tho, i get that its a relatively new phenomenon) - u get a bunch of the “weird”, “alternative”, ““ostracized” kids together on a website, of course its gonna nurture a culture of hypervalidatoon & pretending to be sick in order to fit in to the point that its not an act anymore & exacerbation of symptoms & basically, just sucking each others dicks, sitting in ur own shit, & never ending coddling. & then, you have the older group of kids, who have played this game before but instead of helping or ignoring the Dumbshit kids, they indulge their own normally-buried-but-unleashed-by-internet-anonymity sadism/human instinct to just be fucking dicks & so now you have this vicious cycle of anger & hatred & fucking melodrama up the urethra. im sorry, i know im comig off as/am being harsh but god fuckin dammit yknow? also, this isnt directed at you, specifically, more of a generalized thing, @ myself included. so uh. i mean, if u still wanna share it with me after reading all this, id be happy to read ur poetry. i used to be over the top nice & then reverted to Major Asshole & am now trying to find that sweet middle spot - honoring & allowing myself to share my pain without putting it on others. which is really hard!! cuz becoming a Dick was difficult in that it forced me to be more honest with my true self & as such, more vulnerable - now in trying to become Kinda Nice again because despite being a pulsating scrotom, ive had the intense desire for friendship & human interaction, while simultaneously doing things that i was consciously aware was pushing others away - but then, if i pretend to be nice, where does that authenticity i worked for & was so scared of go? & i dont mean telling someone their new haircut looks nice even when it doesnt - thats just not being a dick. but i guess, those r the normal trials & tribulations of any relationship & adolescent developing identity. which is weird too - dealing with “normal” issues, i mean. whats the point if your life/limbs/breaking point arent at risk? whats the point when your best friends already dead. im sick of people calling "survivors” (despise that word, so fucking female-originated & overdramatic) “brave” & “strong” - surviving is not brave or strong. its just survival. you wouldnt call an animal brave for running for its life from a predator but you would call a dog courageous for going into a burning building to save its owner. premeditated action on the notion that you are probably going to be hurt is brave. being subjected to pain with no choice is not. theres no “silver lining” or anything “good” to be drawn from it either - sure it may have made x a more compassionate person or made y more introspective & gentle but you know what would have been even fucking better??? if the shit hadnt happened in the first place! let x be an asshole & y be self absorbed - the “benefits”, so to speak, do not outweigh the cost, not by a long fucking shot. its not only patronizing to hear garbage like that, but a slap in the face to know that anyone could possibly see anything good coming from that nightmare & that the characteristics, good or bad, you developed either in response to or as a result of, are worth praise. dont tell me im strong for doing what i had to to escape a torture chamber - tell me im perseverant for studying my ass off & passing that test last week. in the words of one of my dearest & most fucking brilliant friends, “pain doesnt owe me/you purpose - the need to intellectualize & assign meaning to pain & death is not only futile, but harmful.” & honestly, i think that it stems from weakness (in most cases - i realize theres a plethora of other reasons such as those who r just desperate for something to hold on to or r hyperintellectual & analytical or who have been pressured by external “support” systems to find the “good” etc etc) - while the majority of people view the person who “can find the good in everything” (strictly speaking only in relation to trauma/tragedy here & more in denunciation of those that celebrate this trait as opposed to vilifying “survivors” who respond this way, though in my experience, its very very very rarely the “survivor” that perpetrates this ideology ) as strong, i sort of see it as a weakness - their inability to sit with & absorb their own pain or that of others is so strong that not only do they have to frantically pull rainbows out of the teeth of a meat cleaver, they also have to exist within this strange (tho, not malicious - more subconscious) superiority complex. like, nah, dude, some times shit is just awful. you cant tell me anything fucking good came out of a four year old girl being kidnapped, gangraped, & tortured for two years, before being impaled & left to die on a stake. her mom opened a non profit organization? oh well thank fucking god for that!!! those that believe the latter to be more “enlightened” or whatever the fuck r the same people who say shit like “dying is easy - living is harder” & i get that that its supposed to be interpreted metaphorically for the most part - giving up is easy, trying isnt (which also.....isnt true??? admitting defeat & fully accepting the fact that ur fucking helpless is beyond hard lmao???) - but pretend youre somewhere, anywhere outside ur sunny little fucking yoga studio full of white women whos biggest issues r the pta & johnny whos failing math, & lets say your life is in real, imminent danger, a gun is to your head & i want you to not scream or cry or beg for ur life since dying is “easier”. if dying is so easy, why do the majority of ppl cling to it with such desperation - why is suicide illegal? why do some ppl go thru 100s of chemo treatments even tho the doctors say theyre just prolonging the inevitable, ppl who cut off a diseased arm so it wont spread, those who walk dozens of miles every day for food & water, etc? & i know & understand the survival instinct better than anyone, even when i wanted to die more than anything, my natural instincts would kick in with no conscious neural input & id do what i had to do. im not condemning those who cling to life (ok - a little. ur wasting resources out of ur own fear. but i also realize thats just me being a Fucking Asshole As Always cuz technically, im doing the same thing tho its more due to lack of opportunity rather than fear. i just think, societally, death should be more normalized, discussed, & not made out to be so unknown & scary), instead just reprimanding those who say shit like that (inspirational facebook quotes). especially cuz most of the ppl who do spew that shit have never gone thru anything even remotely difficult - their worst nightmare is a Big Scary Black Man grabbing them on the street, mugging them, & touching their tits. & i also know that these stupid ass sayings are to be applied to bullshit like exercise & fitness (“no pain no gain” is another one of my Favorites) & not fucking torture or even just ur run of the mill rape, even that would probably smash the rose tinted banana republic shades off their beverly hills tanned faces. but ive heard the no pain no gain one a handful of times in the last few weeks, specifically from doctors performing procedures in preparation for my bottom surgery. & i know its supposed to be encouraging & they have no way of knowing, but its just like, buddy, u have no idea who youre fucking talking to. & im starting to understand what THEY mean when they say it - pain with a reward is infinitely more tolerable than pain just for the sake of pain; like, a tattoo, it hurts, but u know, when its done, its gonna be sick as fuck. when u r able to fall back on the idea that its for something u rlly want, its A Lot easier to handle as opposed to pain thats Just Pain - theres no reward for it except, i guess, that the more u experience it, the closer u r to the end of it lmao. i mean, i still hate when ppl say it cuz for most of my life, pain was just pain, & the “reward” was the opportunity to go home at the end & so whenever ppl say that, my mind just immediately resorts back to that & im just like haha fuck u. but im trying to remember my experiences r definitely not universal & im starting to sorta understand what they mean i think. but, flipping gears here, & going back to the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason”, the base philosophy of psuedo deep Fuckwads - a girls dad didnt fuck her “for a reason”, everything doesnt happen “for a reason”. like ok, hypothetically, the kid he impregnated her with & that she was forced to have at 12 may surpass all odds & not become a homeless junkie & instead become a world renowned doctor who finds the cure for cancer. but she wasnt raped repeatedly from the age of six for that “reason”, no matter what anyone says & honestly, the liberation of the masses does not justify the suffering of one, especially a child. in my eyes at least. but again, im a bitter asshole. sorry i just Went The Fuck Off here oh my god.....if u read all this, thanks, pal. if not, thats cool too. but yea, send me ur stuff, id totally be down to read it. as for me potentially thinking ur cute, i have to look at my disgusting shitstain of a “face” every goddamn day so everyone else to me is fuckin aphrodite. but im also tryin to not put so much worth into physical appearance- its not something that should be complimented cuz its just smth a person was born with which is the same reason it shouldnt be insulted. this is gonna sound gay & stupid but i personally find that a persons essence & personality really permeates. you can meet someone who, objectively, isnt all that great looking, but once u get to know them, u really see their beauty - how the sun catches in their hair, their dilated pupils looking up at u from under long eyelashes in the dark, the birthmark on their right shoulder that they despise but that is so Them, the gap in their teeth, etc. & idk how to phrase this without it sounding like “well ur ugly but at least ur a good person”, cuz that only reiterates the societally indoctrinated emphasis on appearance & my kneejerk reaction to assure the person in question that thats not what im saying is only another result of that!!! its inescapable!!! but no, really, its not just a matter of “its on the inside that counts” - physically, they change or maybe, actually this is more likely, when i first meet them, my “default” eyes r just looking for features that i know im immediately attracted to (tall, blonde, sickly as in sunken eyes sticklike pale but still looks like she could & will beat the shit out of me) but as i fall in love or get to know them better, my eyes adjust & i notice & adore the beauty that was there all along. so uh. idk if ill think ur “cute”. but probably, yes, ill think ur an angel.

[pinpuku]

team request for @L0N3LYSTAR 

request info under “keep reading”

My name is Kathryn, I’m a Libra, and my MBTI is INTP! I really like a lot of different animals so it’s hard to really pick a favorite!!! I especially love octopuses (but not a fan of octillery imo >,>), dogs, cats, birds, pretty much any animal that can be a pet LOL!!! Birds, rodents, and reptiles included! I like the look of bugs like beetles, butterflies, and moths, and spiders but am kinda scared of them in real life. I’m RLY afraid of the ocean and lakes and rivers bc of the critters lurking in there… but i like alligators and crocodiles in any other environment. Same for sharks/stingrays/other scary animals. My favorite colors are yellow, pink, and black. I really like grunge/punk/quirky fashion. My hobbies are art (drawing, painting, sculpting, u name it I’ve done it haha), playing video games (especially Nintendo games I love Pokémon!), and watching tv/movies if that counts as a hobby! I like dark tv shows and LOVE superhero movies/tv. I used to really be into anime but I don’t watch it nowadays save for a few select shows. I’m always looking out for new shows to watch bc I usually dive headfirst into a show and watch the whole thing within a few days! I’m a computer science major in college rn and I hope to be a game designer someday!!! I’d also love to live in a big city like New York where there’s a lot happening and everything is within a walking distance. I live in FL rn which I HATE! Too hot man!! I have ADHD so I tend to hyper focus on topics of interest and I love researching things so I tend to gather an encyclopedic amount of knowledge on certain topics and can be happy just thinking and learning about that one thing all day. This is both a gift and a curse because on one hand I tend to become an expert on the topic of choice very quickly but on the other hand this often keeps me from focusing on what I really need to be thinking about >,>… I’m also impatient and often interrupt ppl and whenever I convince someone to watch this awesome show that I’m obsessed with currently I talk through the show giving background info even tho I try not to now LOL!! I’m also VERY forgetful and disorganized and have terrible time management skills.. which makes me nervous a lot when I feel like I’m forgetting a bunch of stuff I love debates and am pretty persuasive when I feel strongly about the issue! I also have a pretty good sense of humor and love making people laugh!! I spend a lot of time thinking about how I interact with people and how they interact with me, so I try to be as thoughtful as possible without sacrificing my feelings on an issue, so I have trouble with saying what people want to hear and appeasing people who are upset with me. I also tend to brood over small interactions that just didn’t sit well with me until they build up and I get super emotional over it. I also get defensive quickly and have a hard time taking criticism OTL but I’m working on it!! I take things personally and over analyze a lot RIP! My friends surprisingly consider me very reliable and trustworthy bc I try my best to appear calm even when I’m stressed/generally a mess on the inside and I try to offer objective, well-reasoned advice to friends when they ask for it.

This one was actually pretty hard for me! I eventually settled on this team, though. To be honest, I didn’t really decide one which pokemon would be your partner! It could go many ways. 

♡ Jangmo-o (shiny) is a Pokemon I think actually contrasts with your personality quite a bit, but also has some similarities. Jangmo-o is focused, grounded, hardworking, humble, patient, just, reliable, & has talent in its resiliency & follow-through. A lot of ISTJ energy, I guess? Dealing with its personality will be easy, since Jangmo-o has a valiant & “good” temperament, but will also challenge you to use some of your skills in different ways, like your focus & hardworking nature being challenged by ADHD naturally etc... so maybe you two could help eachother, even though you’re worlds apart otherwise! Jangmo-o functions on a very physical & sensible wavelength, and your more cerebral & non-serious approach can make your relationship dynamic & interesting. 

♡ Skitty is a Pokemon loved by most! It has an adorable personality & is known to be a great pet pokemon. It can be a challenge to earn its full trust, but since this pokemon is not very aggressive, this more so means ignoring you & doing its own thing at first. Once trust is earned, this Pokemon fully lives up to its cuddly & sweet image. Even its worst traits can be seen as charming! This Pokemon is popular for city-living. 

♡ Sandile is a Pokemon known for its mischievous tendencies, especially in the wild. It’s a popular partner pokemon for punks & edgier trainers, like most dark types Although it’s a dark type pokemon, this is pretty much the only “troublesome” trait it has. It is protective & caring with its loved ones. Many people find it amusing how this evolutionary line looks like they’re wearing cool sunglasses, too! It is a desert Pokemon. Although you might not like heat very much, this Pokemon will do well anywhere it can sunbath & warm up. A nice sunlamp should do if natural sunlight/warmth isn’t available, since it is pretty small. You sound like you’re into hobbies etc.. so a few Pokemon to have as pleasant challenges & pets seem appropriate.

♡ Pichu & Joltik were quick choices! I thought small & cute electric types fit your personality very well! Pichu is playful & upbeat. It naturally suits a forest or city environment. However, until it evolves it will have trouble storing electricity. It might give out shocks if it is surprised etc.. but that’s why I thought Joltik would be a good buddy! Joltik can’t produce or generate its own electricity, so it likes to obtain it through other means. It is very, very small, so it usually latches onto larger Pokemon for their static electricity. But Joltik would probably be good to have around for the random jolts Pichu might accidentally unleash! Being one of the more cute arachnid-bug-types, this can help you handle your fear of bugs/spiders, since you also seem interested! 

♡ Sharpedo (shiny, mega evolution capable) is my last choice. You seem to be oddly interested in the same things that make you a little bit scared or uncomfortable. Having Sharpedo by your side will arguably make you & your buddy the scariest thing around in theory! Pretty much no other creature would want to mess with you. This might make your main fear of large bodies of water a little bit more manageable with time. Sharpedo is a pack pokemon, so while it can be terrifying in the wild or from an outside perspective, if it’s raised from a young age as a Carvanha, it will see you & your team/loved ones as its “pack”. 

I hope you like your team! Other choices were shiny smeargle, porygon, inkay, & totodile. While you are an INTP who’s into computers, cities, art etc.. I went for a more atypical route with your team. I thought a more quirky & odd personality would suit a pokemon team that is the same. xx

[grandzealot]

⛅ / ⚌ / ☠ / ♦ / ⚓ !!!

hella sweet || [ open ]

⛅  Do you believe aesthetics are another form of expression?

absolutely. esp bc im still new to writing but ive been making art for all my life so im very into visuals and ive done so much schooling about thinking about visuals. even just reblogging and tagging things its like curating a lil gallery on ur blog. my best friend is often getting inspo before we work on threads or plotting so we have lots of ideas and lil visuals to mix in between us

and then with things like how you present your writing i believe it absolutely can be as well. esp bc this is a hobby and ur not getting graded nor submitting anything for publishing people should feel more chill about just experimenting. ( sometimes having a polished set of icons and text style might be the most inspiring canvas / starting place for someone so maybe they dont need to experiment anymore with them anymore and thats grand too )

im really about people feeling out what they like. theres always been trends in the art world or storytelling world so im not surprised people have icon and edit trends too. even if something isnt what you like that doesnt mean you cant like that other ppl like it c: 

⚌ Who inspires you?

ive yelled a lot about my best friend so far and im fully prepared to yell more about how i love him

but in the interest of having more variety to these answers i gotta say all the people who take time to post headcanons and character development stuff independently of anyone theyre rping with. who just write great things because they can and feel like it! very inspiring!

☠ What keeps you happy?

i already answered the in depth honest answer here, but as far as the lil icing on the cake things:

cats. playing games with my best friend. funny moments between friends in games ( hilarious glitches or ic nonsense ) and i know a rly happy baby who always has a big smile and lil chubby hands ready to clap whenever she sees me

rpwise… joking about muses n threads ooc w others. comparing muses to animals. i like to draw silly things too when i have time hehehe

oh and seeing other ppls pets!!! animals are good!!!!!!

♦ How has roleplaying on Tumblr improved since you started out?

ah i couldnt answer this before but i remember when i started it seemed like there were more mean ppl? idk if its that being an asshole is less acceptable or if ive just done such a good job of following nice people but my dash is usu full of supportive and understanding writers c:

⚓ Are there any small details you tend to like in roleplays?

oh rhythm a lot! sometimes when im writing i get the beat of a sentence in my head long before i get the words ( usually for the start of starters if it happens? ) and i just throw in words to fit it and figure out how to make them make sense later

but i often read my own stuff out loud to see if its about where i want it to be and sometimes ill read my partners reply out loud to shake my own words from my head or to get a better feel for what were writing together. some characters are just made of melody and i like to read their dialogue again and again and just feel the music of them hehe 

[wereverine]

combining these because one of y’all absolute mad lads wanted me to do the whole thing,, these are from the unusual asks (found here) now on to the questions !!!

1: Do you ever wish you were someone else?

~ tbh yeah,, like I wanna be the person I am on the inside,, I want my outsides to mirror my insides and just let everyone know who I am no hiding or making excuses any more,, I want people to look at me and be inspired to be themselves,, to love themselves,, and to just love me (if that’s the kind of relationship that specific person has with me)

2: What is your full name?

~ Nikita “Magnus” Nickerson (Magnus is a placeholder middle name for now,, I like it but also I think I might wanna change it to something else I dunno yet)

3: How old are you and how old do you get mistaken for?

~ I’m 19 currently and I get mistaken for either 16 or 21/22 with no in between

4: Have you ever dyed your hair?

~ finally I can answer yes to a question like this !!! it was semi-perm but omg I dyed it teal and my mom’s gonna let me do a mystery color sometime soon (it’s a surprise what color :3)

5: What’s your eye color?

~ deep brown,, like deeeeeppppp brown omg ppl used to make fun of me because I had “black,, demon eyes” and I was really good at staring contests when I was younger

6: Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it?

~ honestly it varies sometimes I’m super indifferent to the body I have and other times I’m super insecure and want to get rid of my body,, but I am doing better about it and I’m glad my body gets me from place to place

7: Do you have any tattoos or piercings?

~ I don’t currently have any tattoos (but watch tf out when I have money I have So many planned lol) and I’ve had my earlobes pierced since I was 6 months old and I’m planning to get some more piercings

8: What would you say is your best quality?

~ my ability to be there for ppl when they really need it,, like I drop stuff so quick when ppl indicate they need me

9: What are you really bad at?

~ math,, expressing my feelings,, talking about my feelings,, letting myself feel my feelings,, taking time for myself BEFORE I break down,, working myself into a breakdown,, asking for help

10: What talent do you wish you had?

~ honestly I wish I had the talent to actually know when to stop blaming myself

11: Are you nice to everyone?

~ nope,, but I try to be as polite as possible,, and I’ve gotten better about being nicer to people

12: What do you think about the most?

~ I mainly think about missed opportunities and how to let my friends know I care about them deeply and love them without weirding them out

13: Things you like/dislike about yourself?

~ hoo boy I’m gonna limit this to 3 things each otherwise we’d be here all day; likes: ability to listen,, creative,, intuitive; dislikes: bottling up emotions,, stubborn,, low self-esteem

14: What is your least favorite word?

~ moist

15: What is your favorite word?

~ petrichor

16: Are you more like your mom or your dad?

~ tbh,, I’m a fairly even mix,, but a lot of times I don’t act like either one of them

17: Would you ever smile at a stranger?

~ honestly,, I do that weird lil half smile that ppl get when another person is looking at them to do something lol

18: A reason you’ve lied to someone?

~ to stay out of trouble

19: Are you lying about anything right now?

~ the only thing I’m lying about is my emotional state when ppl ask how I’m doing

20: Have you kissed someone older than you?

~ romantically? nah,, but platonically? definitely

21: Do you believe in love at first sight?

~ not really,, not for me at least

22: Do you believe in soulmates?

~ of a sort,, like there are just some people that you vibe with in a very special way and it’s not always romantic either

23: Are looks important?

~ to me,, looks aren’t the most important thing,, I feel like personality goes beyond looks and can even enhance how your brain sees people

24: Opinion on relationship age differences?

~ after a certain amount of years I don’t particularly agree with them,, like if you have a 20+ year age gap I don’t really get it,, like if the ppl get together when one is like 20 and the other is like 40,, there’s such a gap in the understanding the 2 (or more) ppl will have,, but also it’s not my life and not really my business what grown adults do

25: Would you date someone off the internet?

~ I’d be willing to try but tbh it’s hard enough trying to date someone you met in person

26: Have you ever cried over a boy/girl?

~ yes,, many times

27: Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

~ yeah,, I had a crush on one of my friends while they were in a relationship and I felt so Bad,, like I didn’t want to ruin their relationship or lose their friendship so I just kept my mouth shut lol

28: Anyone you’re giving up on right now?

~ not really,, I’ve either given up on them a while ago or I still have a small shred of hope

29: Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

~ not really ??? (unless they just didn’t tell me lmao)

30: Have you ever like your best friend?

~ actually yeah I have skskdddkdk

31: How does someone win your heart?

~ honestly,, I get crushes ridiculously easy if you’re nice to me for a while and show affection in an exuberant way,, and that typically deepens until one day I’m sitting there looking at that person when they’re telling me something they are So excited over and they have stars in their eyes and my face goes soft and I look at them like they hung the sun,, moon,, and stars just for me and it hits me like a freight train that I might just love this person and it doesn’t have to be romantically or sexually,, I just feel for people I’m close to very deeply and it might be pathetically easy to win my heart but goddamnit I’m soft and love a lot ❤❤

32: What turns you on?

~ a lot of different things actually,, like sometimes if the person I like is physically bigger than me and they need me to stand or sit a certain way and they position me just the way they need,, that’s umm,, Hot af,, although I act mad at the manhandling lol,, and oh god if they’re Big and they pin me with an intense stare and like loom over me (maybe with me against the wall aksksk 😍),, also my neck is like Very sensitive like to the point that if you lightly blow against it I full body shudder,, y’all don’t know how distracting it is when your crush is hugging you and telling you something important but you can’t listen because every word is a puff of air against your neck so you just close your eyes and hope to god your subconscious is actually retaining the info (oh god I just had a Thought,, if someone pinned me to the wall by my throat and then kissed me breathless while pressing close enough my gasping brushes our chests together and then kissed my neck with either tenderness or ferocity I’d probably fucking self combust on the spot),, to go along with that I Love Love Love neck kisses so much (y’all probably know too much about that by now lol),, y’all I’m just really into mouths,, lips,, teeth,, tongues are all just very top teir,, oh fuck,, flexing muscles get to me so much,, like cross your arms in front of me and I won’t look at your eyes because mine will be glued to those fucking arms,, god fuck thigh riding is the dream here 😍😍,, okay I’m gonna stop myself here but it’s easy to turn me on sometimes and hard other times (that greyasexual life)

33: What turns you off?

~ okay let me honest here,, as much as I like tongues and all they can do ;),, I don’t really enjoy french kissing (maybe that’s my last ex’s fault,, his kisses were just so Wet) like I much prefer those open-mouthed kisses with minimal tongue,, and people who are rude and assholes for no reason are like huge turn-offs no matter how attractive they are,, also I hate those people who like desperately want to be doms but they just become like overbearing,, lowkey abusive,, and highly annoying,, tbh most of this list is gonna be shit my ex did because it was all so Unsexy in hindsight

34: Do you get jealous easily?

~ imo not really,, like I might be jealous after a while if the person like after telling me that we would be spending time together alone and they didn’t really follow through like bringing another person along and focusing on them the whole time or focusing on a stranger overly much but I don’t really like feeling jealous because I don’t like forcing myself on people if it seems they are happier doing what they’re doing and I can’t control people only myself so I typically try and redirect any jealous thoughts,, if its like a constant thing tho I’d definitely talk to that person

35: What is your definition of cheating?

~ well for starters,, I don’t consider hugging other people or spending time with them cheating,, I guess I would define cheating for me personally is if the person knowingly hides a deep emotional/physical relationship with another person,, like say I was dating a person and then I found out they were spilling their fears and dreams with another person and telling me nothing or barely anything I’d be a little upset,, but also you can’t expect your s/o to talk to you and only you,, everybody needs and deserves a support system,, or if I found out they were having sex or taking another person out on dates without my knowledge,, like if they just talked to me and explained everything before they started anything they might find I’m open to accommodating them

36: Do you forgive betrayal?

~ for me,, this varies from person to person,, but there comes a point no matter the person that I will drop their ass (that’s what I get for having 7 earth signs with 5 of them being Taurus in my birth chart)

37: Have you ever been cheated on?

~ yes

38: Have you ever cheated on someone?

~ to my knowledge,, no,, but everyone has different definitions of cheating,, but I abhor cheating so like god I hope not

39: How often do you listen to music?

~ every fucking day,, mainly all day every day no joke,, I spent my entire senior year of hs with at least one headphone in blasting music to keep myself calm (I’m baby from baby driver essentially),, music is everything to me truly

40: First concert you attended?

~ the first concert I ever attended was a Goody Grace concert (y’all check my boy out I love him) it was lovely and it really woke something up in me in regards to frantically trying to plan visits to concerts now lol

41: Last movie you watched?

~ honestly,, I’m pretty sure I’ve watched at least one movie after this one,, but the last movie I remember watching is Aquaman a few weeks ago

42: Favorite type of movie?

~ Action/Adventure or Sci-Fi

43: Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

~ I went through a period of self-harm for 9 years and I still struggle with craving those feelings a lot and when I relapse I feel like shit,, I’m better about talking about it through like texts or whatever it’s really hard for me to talk about it out loud,, I get really fucking choked up and kinda teary sometimes

44: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

~ for the most part,, yeah,, I’ve bottled up my feelings and problems for so long I’ve gotten quite good at not showing everything I’m feeling,, but lately,, I’ve been trying to go against that and show what I’m feeling when around people that care for me

45: Do you fall in love easily?

~ love? I don’t know about that but I get infatuated really easily,, I have a hard time identifying love and how it feels to me so I don’t realize I love someone until it smacks me in the face

46: Do you think people say “I love you” too much?

~ fuck no,, say I love you to the people you love damnit !!! I say I love you to my friends AND my family,, like omg sometimes I have to just shut up because I’m bursting with love for people,, and if I’m drunk I say I love you like every five seconds ❤😍😘

47: What’s your favorite holiday?

~ very basic of me,, but Halloween/All Hallow’s Eve,, it’s really one of the only widely celebrated holidays I like

48: Are you a forgiving person? Do you like being that way?

~ this depends on what the person is asking for forgiveness for,, but there comes a point where nothing they say or do could possibly get me to forgive them,, like sometimes you just have cut ppl off

49: Where’s the most magical place on earth?

~ (disney land/world ??? I’m jk lol) on god,, it’s sitting with someone you vibe with and sharing bits and pieces of your souls between each other (and if that devolves into being wrapped up in each other until the stars come out then that’s magical babey 😍)

50: What’s your “type”?

~ nice,, funny,, passionate,, ??? it’s surprisingly hard to put into words,, rest assured I intimately know I do have a type,, it’s just very broad lol

Okay,, that’s the 50 questions !!! thank you darlin’ much for asking me to do this lol,, sorry it took me a while,, love you ❤❤ !!!

[belatedbday69]

I posted 2,353 times in 2022

220 posts created (9%)

2,133 posts reblogged (91%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@chibizuku

@epickiya722

@bakugou-klancey-lance

@taysudon

@deadwriter16

I tagged 686 of my posts in 2022

#them - 126 posts

#p - 45 posts

#spotify - 36 posts

#fave - 30 posts

#bkdk - 29 posts

#writing process - 26 posts

#bakudeku - 17 posts

#sns - 15 posts

#fic - 12 posts

#my writing - 10 posts

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

you're a chicken if you don't

The team goes on a mission, and Inosuke learns his feelings for Tanjirou have a name.

rated T, 5/5 chapters, 22k fluff/angst, getting together, flirting, kissing, love confessions, happy ending

“Love and a cough cannot be concealed. Even a small cough. Even a small love.” Anne Sexton

51 notes - Posted July 28, 2022

#4

I'm writing an InoTan fic :)

you're a chicken if you don't

It's true, Hashibira Inosuke Has a Crush, though he's still not entirely sure what that means. He'll be damned if he lets Tanjirou beat him at anything, though.

rated T, 2/5 chapters, 8k (so far, should be around 20k when I'm done), dual pov, fluff & angst, the works

hope you like it xoxo

59 notes - Posted May 14, 2022

#3

horikoshi is a perfect storyteller LISTEN i freaked out momentarily but let's be honest with ourselves people, how else was this climax going to go? it's been building to this forever. deku still doesnt know bakugou's hero name or his new power now. they have to work together as a team because that's what this is all about. horikoshi KNOWS what he's doing...he's pulling his little strings like a master puppeteer. we'll soon know the significance of the second user and it'll set up the fucking finale where deku SAVES HIM (HAND HOLDING INCLUDED) AND THEN THEY WORK TOGETHER!!! do NOT tell me otherwise I simply will not listen

74 notes - Posted August 3, 2022

#2

there are some ships where it's like "under the right circumstances it makes sense" but with bakugou and deku theres never been a universe where i dont want them to be together and i love reading every single interpretation of that love. it is truly a gift. i dont get when ppl put many conditions on their relationship. maybe im brainwashed at this point but theres nothing i love more than them finding each other no matter the circumstances. everywhere, no matter what. it's like fate or magic or maybe it's just how much they love each other, but it's unavoidable

374 notes - Posted June 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

more otp dialogue prompts <3

as a follow up to this post

1. “Okay, maybe I have a crush on you! So what?” 

2. “It’s not like this with them.”

3. “Tell me to leave and I’ll never bother you again.”

4. “This doesn’t change anything between us.”

5.  “Just take me home.”

6. “I appreciate the effort but this is all wrong.” 

7. “I don’t want anyone else.”

8. “What could you possibly be this stressed about?” 

9. “You haven’t changed at all.” 

10. “I never want to be without you again.”  

11. “You tricked me.”

12. “You can’t tell anyone. Seriously. Even them.”

13. "You want me, don't you?"

14. “If you do that one more time I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself.” 

15. “I can’t believe you remembered.” 

16. “You won’t believe me.” “Try me.” 

17. “I don’t want to have this conversation again.”

18. “You shouldn’t be here.” 

19. “I think about you all the time.”

20. “Why do you insist on misunderstanding me?”

21. “Then take me with you.”

22. “I think I missed you more than you missed me.” 

23. “I thought I’d lost you.”

24. “Don’t say that to me. That’s not fair.”

25. “Well, since you asked nicely...Sure."

26. “You used to have feelings for me. Admit it.”

27. “So you don’t regret it at all?” 

28. “I’m not ready to let you go.” 

See the full post

621 notes - Posted October 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[queenie-the-writer]

things i wish i’d known before starting my writing account

if you’ve been thinking of making your own account here in the writing community, then this post is for you. it’s been nine months since i made the decision and discovered this pocket of instagram i never knew existed. this is a bit of an introductory post to a series i will be releasing over the course of the next few months that will be all about running your own writing account, from making posts to running contests to keeping up with it!

it’s so much larger than what’s on the surface

i’ll be honest, i didn’t even know a writing community was on a thing on instagram until i stumbled upon @leewritess’s account.

i don’t remember exactly how i found lee—maybe one of her posts appeared on my homepage one day or i was looking up accs in the search tab, idk—but i did and i realized that maybe there was something here for me. so, i went on to change my username to @queenie.the.writer and completely revamp my acc.

the first writing account to ever follow me was @writerstoauthors—we started our accs within a week of each other and elle definitely seemed to have a better grasp on what she was doing than i did so i reached out to her and asked for some tips. she was so nice and friendly and if it wasn’t for her i don’t think my acc would be where it is today.

all this being said, i didn’t really know the full scope and reach of the writing community until i started posting. full disclosure, i didn’t get the same welcome as most accs do, with story shoutouts and an overload of welcoming comments on their first post. i’m not bitter abt it or anything, but it is one of the reasons why i frequently shoutout new accs on my own story—i want to give others the warm welcome i didn’t necessarily get :)

suddenly, though, after the first few weeks, i found more and more writing accs and more and more found me. before i knew it, i was a part of an enormous, kind, and crazy community full of writers just like me.

you don’t owe anyone anything

don’t make your account for anyone but yourself. this is your outlet, your space and you should make it into something you love.

you have no obligations or boundaries of what you can post and when—this is all up to you!! if anyone ever tries to tell you differently, that’s their problem and you can send this post straight to their inbox.

when i started my account, i was riding on this rush and this mindset that the more content i pushed out the farther my account would go. i thought this way for the first three months of my writing acc, until i realized that maybe i needed to take a step back and look at it a different way.

i took a three week hiatus, and i didn’t feel guilty for doing it. the friends i made and literally everyone here supported my decision and assured me that they would be waiting for my return. and they were. when i came back, it was into the loving arms of this community that became a part of me and made me feel accepted like nothing else ever has.

so don’t be afraid to step away. you are what matters most, not your content or follower count or reach or anything else. remember that.

follower count isn’t everything

this mantra is often repeated through our community—and that’s bc it’s true. none of us care (or should care) about the number at the top of your acc. we all start small and it takes a long time for most to climb higher.

we’re all abt lifting ppl up here. this is why you can often see help cards floating around people’s stories to promote writing accounts they love, whether they be big or small.

i know it’s so so hard to remember, but it is one of the most important things to remember while running a writing acc. if you want the most out of your acc, instead of trying to expand your reach to unfamiliars, reach out to other creators. make friends. most of us have open dms and always appreciate random messages from fellow writers or readers!

the best part is the people

it’s still crazy to me that i have so many online friends who are also writers and love to read, but also have other things in common with me! the other writers of this community are truly what makes it so amazing and a wonderful place to begin with.

i always felt isolated and ostracized since writing wasn’t a cool or known hobby in the places i grew up. there were many times i thought of giving it up bc i was always told that being an author wasn’t a real job and you couldn’t make a living out of it.

but once i decided i was serious abt it, i found these people. these writers who could relate to me and i could relate to and face the same struggles and fangirl with and make crazy friendships with. you will eventually lose some friends here, but then you’ll make more and the ones you care abt and who care abt you will stick around for a long time. you can count on that <3

the support is unimaginable

LITERALLY EVERYONE IS JUST SO NICE OK.

we all understand how cruel the world is to creators and writers like us (i’m looking at you instagram) and we do everything possible to fight the unfairness of it all.

you can always count on your content being hyped up and everyone just supporting you no matter where you’re from or age or gender or sexuality or anything.

it’s one thing i love most abt the writing community. i’ve always felt accepted here, though i may not use my real name or share as many personal things / info with you guys.

final word

since making my account, i have not regretted it for a second. there’s no limit to the possibilities here nor the capacity for new writers. i hope this reaches some of you who have been debating joining writergram and maybe that it pushes you to do it. you can always stop if you don’t enjoy it! nothing has to be permanent and it should make you happy <3

[pokeanangel]

Remembering..

I remember when I first met you..

I was dating someone else at the time and I was introduced. You were just a guy. In a mall. Playing what you loved. Smh. I never thought anything of it other than I thought you were cute. I nodded and said, “nice to meet you,” and walked away with the boyfriend I had at the time. I never thought anything more than.. He is cute..

Little did I know.. You would be back in my life…

Almost 2 years ago..

We worked together before we started talking. I remember some chats we had outside our workplace.. Numbers were exchanged.. But nothing ever came about.. We would talk about anything and everything. Still, maybe it wasn’t our time. Or maybe.. It was a learning curve for us.. But two years ago. Not to the day… Aug. 23, 2015 I messaged you. I asked, if you wanted to join me and a few friends for karaoke. I had plans on hooking you up with someone. I still feel bad. I mean, I wanted her happy.. I didn’t care about myself.. We didn’t talk that much before.. Who cares right? So, before we ALL went out.. I invited you to dinner. I had just worked a 12hr shift and was running around the entire town doing work. I was hungry and I wanted company. I picked you up at your place and we went to dinner.. Applebees.. We talked and shit. I explained what was going on and how I felt. You told me that you didn’t like her like that… Of course… I felt horrible. Maybe we shouldn’t do this.. But I think that my friend will at least enjoy one night with you. I remember taking you back to your place.. And we went up stairs to talk… After that… I knew I was in for it. Just talking to you made me worry.. I didn’t think anything of it. But I really did think you were cute. If only ppl knew how much I truly loved you. After that night. I think we constantly saw each other. I didn’t want to catch feelings. And I told him that it was happening.. So we backed off from each other. I still wasn’t wanting this thing to end between us. A couple of months went by and next thing you know I’m constantly sick.. I drank a few more times than I should have and was smoking too. I found out I was pregnant. I wasn’t sure how to feel. But I was scared… Scared to have another child. Scared that my oldest would be jealous.. Scared that this was a mistake. Another mistake that I honestly didn’t think I could handle. I didn’t want to be a single mom. I cried.. I cried because I wanted another so badly. But still was scared. I wanted it to be loved so much from both sides of the family.. I told you. It was shock.. It was.. I don’t know what it was but… It is what it is.. I avoided you. I couldn’t help but want to crawl into a hole. You didn’t want to have kids. Then this! I left. I was relieved to just have told you. I just lived life.. I didn’t know what else to do.. I worked long hours away from home. Barely got to see my oldest. Then a month later I went to the OB and I was cramping.. I noticed I was spotting but it didn’t usually mean much. Sometimes it happens. You bleed a little because of implantation. I get to the OB and it got more and more painful.. The OB warned me. I could miscarry because of my HCG levels weren’t raising quickly enough for their liking. I got an ultrasound preformed and what I dreaded.. Had happened. They weren’t very caring. They just sent me on my way. I went to tell you and you just… Were relieved and happy. I mean, I saw you.. I just needed to go.. I got out of my car and told you. I remember looking at you and you just said, it was for the best. You weren’t ready. I completely understood. I wanted to just leave. I’m about to get into my car and your friend calls me over. I really should have left.. But he is your best friend and I figured this would probably be our last encounter. I came up on his deck and we talked. He asked about my pregnancy.. I told him i miscarried. He quickly said his peace on everything with us and moved onto the next item. After that night… I went home crying. I was a mess. Pieces of me were just everywhere. No one understood wtf was wrong with me. I shut down. I hated my job, men, women, just everything. I couldn’t think straight. I still talked to you once in awhile. I honestly didn’t know why. I hated how I felt. I didn’t realize I was hooked on you. You truly were this drug. A drug that shouldn’t be on the streets.. He… IT would be so addictive that it would kill anyone or thing in it’s presence. You think I would have learned my lesson.. However, I did not. I immediately started birth control after the miscarriage. I couldn’t imagine putting myself through another.. I was stressed out and fumbling around with myself. I would talk to you.. I never realized that it would go too far. But this addiction I had.. It overtook me. It stripped me of my entire being! I was so angry.. I wanted to just let my world crumble, but I was also depressed. So, so sad. Do you know what it is like losing something? Something so important that it eats at you because you know you lost it? Because.. Losing a baby… Even tho it may have been so small.. Microscopic.. It’s still a baby in a person’s eyes.. Its crushing for someone that had wanted something so badly. Never wanted to feel that crushing pain again. So, birth control it was! On the mini pill. Ugh. It sucked. Why not the ring or shot or whatever? Because the hormones messed me up so bad.. I thought it was bad before.. Ugh Horrible after everything except this stupid mini pill. I remember seeing you.. I had gone shopping with your sister for Christmas after this.. Situation… I remember going to your place and hanging out with you. I handed it over.. A journal.. Zelda.. Nothing special, at least, I thought.. Ya know… To this day I really don’t know if it was important to you. Of course, you seemed to like it. We sat there talked.. I remember thinking I should probably just leave. We talked more.. The rest was a blur. I remember waking up after our round of..fun.. And getting dressed and leaving. I think I went home then work.. It was awkwardly warm out. I can’t remember much. I feel like I blocked out that month.. On Dec 28th I was in Stephen City, VA. The Wal-Mart. I was walking into a store.. And I got sick! Threw up into a storm drain.. I just had a sip of coffee. I love coffee. I didn’t think anything of it. Then I realized… I had been sick feeling for a couple of weeks.. The last time I saw you was two and a half weeks prior.. I had my period the beginning of that month. I ran to pharmacy and grabbed a test. I kept saying.. I couldn’t be. I don’t need this. I’m so scared. I panicked. I paid for it Then ran to the bathroom. It was faint, but it was positive. Have you ever stopped one day and truly watched one of those ‘Clearblue’ commercials? How the women that had that positive outcome.. Were happy and in tears and the other half was smiling? Then you look at me.. At mine.. Sheer fear. I went and got two more.. Kept one for the following morning. They all came back positive. I remember just sitting there.. Not happy.. Definitely cry.. But they weren’t tears of joy. I stopped drinking and smoking. I made sure that if this was going to be a full term baby.. That I will be as healthy as I can be. I remember having to tell you over the phone that I was pregnant. That I am keeping it and regardless of how you felt.. I wanted to just not go through this empty feeling again. It’s not something that’s unfamiliar, but I’d be damned to feel it. I tried so hard to keep myself safe. I just remember going to see you some time on the 31st.. And you asking me to be your girlfriend.. I thought you were joking. *rolls eyes* I truly wish you were looking back. It was the 31st. New Year’s Eve.. I came by to talk to you about things. To rationalize myself in doing this on my own.. And you said.. Yeah.. Be my girlfriend. *blink* ‘do you wanna be mine?’ I think were your words.. I remember saying.. Something like.. My son is my life and chris is his dad.. But it all stopped because you kissed me. That was it. Sealed everything with a kiss. We officially started dating. I was elated, to be honest. We went to his friend’s house and it was a party.. You introduced me to everyone as, “this is Alex, my girlfriend,” we acted like we were teenagers or something. Careless a bit, too. It was all in fun. I remember when midnight came.. We welcomed the new year together as a couple. With an itty bitty on the way.. Little did I know.. We wouldn’t make it a whole year.. This is my letter to you. You may not even read it. Maybe you will? I really don’t know nor care enough to dwell. I wrote this thinking I would get closure. I still haven’t gotten any. I still have those stale tears on my tank top from when I started this 'letter.’ You taught me that… Even if I did everything right in a relationship. Even with a few fuck ups on the way.. That anyone could leave me. I gave you my heart. Literally, placed it into your hands. And you held it. Crushed it.. Spit on it.. Then decided that when you were all done you could just slowly piece it back together. Possibly with apologies? Or meaningless kisses on my cheeks.. Heartless whispers into my ears. Knowing that I still loved you. Because loving you was a huge feat for me.. I never cared about your past. I worried about our future. Our child and my older son. I wanted to conquer the world with you. Side by side. Like evil villains. We were this fucked up couple that totally got each other, but no one got us. We did stupid things together, and if we were separate.. We could read each other’s minds. It was so liberating I hadn’t had anyone like that in my life.. Ever. No one. I thought that being this duo… This couple.. We could take on the world. Together. Forever. We would sit and look at things and just know what to say.. What you would say.. Or I actually wanted to learn DDR. And to this day I want to. You promised you’d teach me.. I hope you stick around. Mainly for your son. I want you there for me, but that’s just my hope that you would come back. Begging to stay the night with me. To move back 'home’ and to sleep next to you every night… I would be so happy. Happy. I can’t believe you did this to me.. I was whole without you.. I was a complete person before you. And I fell into these.. Sharp jagged pieces of myself! I don’t hate you. I don’t! But I can’t fully trust anyone with my heart. It’s been six months and you have yet to even say something about our relationship, because… It’s who you are! Because I know that stupid conversation by heart. Because we couldn’t be adults about it.. It had to be petty. I think I cried more over you than most know. I’m pretty sure my best friend thinks that I’m hopeless! Yeah, so what? Maybe I am! Maybe.. I’m stupid and told myself that on a day like today he’ll come around and say, 'I’m sorry,’ but 'sorry’ won’t be enough by then.. I really want to be happy. Having a family was my happiness. My goals in life were to have a family whether it be broken or whole.. I just didn’t want it to be without my sidekick. I’m still lost. I wake up in the morning hoping for a text… Or maybe a phone call..? I truly don’t know anymore. All I want right now is to forget this feeling. Because this feeling I have inside me… I wish it was dead. So I never have to feel it again. And I try to not have these feelings. I work rather hard on not feeling them.. I don’t even get it. I just want it to be gone. If I could stop loving you! But every single time I see you. Whether it is a picture.. Text.. Call.. These feelings come back. And in full force. Damn you.

[hellotvv]

Small Realizations

I guess I just wanted to get these thoughts out somewhere to maybe look back one day.

When I become a parent (or if I do), hopefully I learn from some mistakes my parents made. My parents are good people, they genuinely love me, and they definitely provided for me. I can’t truly complain that much, since I know other people had it much worst. But my parents are human and they tbh have made some mistakes with me. OBVIOUSLY I am my own person, and I can always ‘fix’ these mistakes they made, but I feel like how a person is raised has a huge impact on their life lol. It shapes their world around them, what they believe in, what they value, what they like/dislike, and etc. I’m definitely not saying my parents are bad parents, I’m just saying that they’re human. We all make mistakes, have moments of anger, sadness, happiness, etc. Also, it’s genuinely hard raising a kid. Kids are tough, they’re their own person at the end of the day, they might not listen to you, each need to be taught differently, and etc etc etc. 

But somethings I promise myself that I would do differently than my parents: I would never hit my kid. Honestly I disliked being hit so much as a kid, and I personally idk would never hit my kid. I’d ground them, scold them, etc all before hitting them. I could see maybe just MAYBE spanking them at a LAST CASE scenario. But I don’t think it should be the first or even second option when it comes to punishment. I personally (I’m not saying spanking is bad/good) just would not do it myself. 

I think it’s good to be able to be friends with your kids. You’re more likely to actually know who they are as a person. I have some friends who could tell their parents anything and are good friends with them. Honestly I love my parents, but I can’t say their my friends. It’s just they valued respect (which I understand), being in idk a high superior position (I called them guys once, just as a short way to refer to both of them and I got heavily scolded and yelled at, saying they’re not my friends/etc can’t address them that way), and I’d like it if my kids can genuinely talk to me about their faults/mistakes/problems. I was so scared of failure or telling my problems to my parents, since I KNEW I’d get punished/hit/etc. Like I legit feel bad about this, but if I ever got into trouble at school or struggled, I hated to even tell them. Since they’d criticize me/etc/etc. When all I would like is maybe a gentle conversation where they just go, well we could do x and x to help you fix your problem. Like if I do bad in math, I got scolded, blah blah blah, then eventually I get my tutor to help me succeed. But I wish I was able to just talk to them about my idk problems without getting in trouble. I legit got in trouble for the most ridiculous things that I don’t even wanna write about them. 

A huge thing that deserves it’s own paragraph is something I realized as I got older. I’m decently well off, and I came to realize that fk money. I don’t disagree that money can bring happiness, I think it could (at least temporarily). I don’t disagree that money would help someone’s standard of living, possibly have less stress, and etc. But fk, I never want to raise a kid where I make them think money is everything or it’s important to be rich or wealthy. I think my parents did a lot of thing well in raising me (besides uh spoiling me/other stuff I listed above), and this is a big stereotype but I think some white ppl parenting methods are pretty smart. I think it’s important to just let the kid do what they want (in terms of career choices) and just let them be happy with whatever they pick. Since, it’s their life at the end of the day. I am NOT saying that a parent shouldn’t try to inspire kids to dream big or to push them to succeed/have high aspirations. I wanted to be a doctor for the longest time tbh. Even up to 2nd year in college and somewhat 3rd year, I really wanted to be a doctor. But did I really want to be a doctor, since I LOVED to help people? Since I saw myself slaving the next 8 years of my life at school, studying, cram studying till early mornings, possibly making tons of sacrifices, and etc just to become a doctor? Honestly no, but I was stubborn and kind of willing to do it for the $$$. The reason why is, my parents genuinely wanted me to be wealthy (understandable), being a doctor has prestige/they can flex/I can flex, and yeah. I realized far too late that my motives were retarded. I’ve obviously read that someone won’t succeed at becoming a doctor unless they’re truly passionate about it or motivated. I’m genuinely not, and it took me far too long to realize that. I really wouldn’t be happy being a doctor. I talk about career passion and hobby passion, how they can be separate, and etc. But honestly giving up that many years + god knows how many sacrifices (relationships, friendships, sleep, stress, mental/physical health in general, etc) of my life to school/late shifts just for some $$$, I would genuinely question if I really made this 1 life of mine in this world amazing. I guess around this point in my life, I realize that yes, I enjoy money. Would it be nice to have money? Yeah, ofc. But I realized that I could be genuinely happy with less. Hypothetically, if I had only a decent 1 bedroom apartment (like I do rn), have a good relationship with a sweet SO, enough money to go on vacations now and then, treat myself to nice food here, and hang out with friends on the weekend with a stable job. I think I could genuinely be really happy. I don’t think I need a mansion, a huge house, lavish furniture, or whatever the fk I would do with the money. The most I could see myself using a bunch of $$$ is on dumb material things. Yeah, I loved fashion, but honestly I don’t need a wardrobe full of Saint Laurent. I bought my grailed Robert Geller sweater, and I legit wore it once (partially since it was summer) and I was happy for like 2 minutes TOPS after I got it. Idk, I hope I find a SO with a similar view. Being in a social media position where I meet a lot of models nowadays, shot with an actress recently, popular IGers too, and etc. Holy fk, I grew to hate gold diggers, juice diggers, and people who only give a fk about being popular. Yes, it’s nice having followers and etc, but ppl who make it their lives geez... I’m not saying I would hate being wealthy, but I just realize that I don’t need it. My parents still want me to do something in the medical field/etc, but fk man... I kind of just want a stable job that pays alright, and I’ll be really happy. If it’s enough $$ to pay bills, get me my own place, able to afford a cute dog, some spending $$ to hang out with friends on weekends, and occasional vacation on holidays then I’m truly content/happy. Maybe some people aspire more, which is perfectly fine. I would too (after I at least have what I just asked for). But idk I just realized that’s all I really need nowadays. But back to the whole parenting thing. I don’t want to push my kids towards any jobs just for the sake of money. I’d aspire them to dream big ofc, but at the end of the day, I just want them to be happy. I shadowed a doctor last year, and he after making huge sacrifices with his wife for his monetary success, doesn’t even want his kid to be a doctor (unless he for some reason wants to). His kid might major in psych and be clueless about what he wants to do (according to the doctor), but he just wants his son to be happy. Honestly I think that’s what I would want to (maybe not the clueless part). If my kid has good aspirations, doesn’t want to be some degen and not work, is honest/kid, then who the fk cares what career my kid chooses. If he/she wants to become a doctor, cool. If she wants to be an artist, I’d support that. If she wants to be idk an actress, go for it. A teacher? Sure, go for it. Idk, I just know that I would be a lot happier right now, if I didn’t waste so much time wanting/chasing after a career path that I ultimately would not be happy doing.

It’s at least good I realized now before med school or something, since then it might genuinely be too late. I do truly respect doctors after knowing how hard it is to become one. I can’t imagine idk what sacrifices I might have to make in the future to become one. Since while I’m young, I really just want to be able to travel the world, live a life with minimal stress for a while, hang out with friends, spend time with a SO, and etc. If I was in med school/doing residency training/etc, I’m sure you can live a decently balanced life. But it would be hard to find time to vacation, spend time with a SO when studying for INCREDIBLY hard med school exams that determines how good of a job you’ll get as a doctor, spending time with friends/family when studying most of your days away, and so much more. 

While I’m still young. I do want to go to concerts and shows with friends. I want to travel to places and enjoy them. I want to be a degen lol for a bit and be as carefree as long as I could. I don’t see myself happy slaving away the next years of my life in school/studying/etc. I could be stubborn, push myself, and etc but at what cost tho? Idk, you really do only live once. I’ve spent honestly my whole life always wanting to be older, thinking it’ll be better. Like omg how cool would hs be, how cool would it be to have a car and drive, going to college, being 21, and etc. I’m finally at a point in my life, where I’m content and don’t necessarily want to get any older haha. I am tired of always chasing a brighter future. If I was in med school, I’d be chasing the future where I’m finally an intern at a hospital, then I’d be chasing finally finishing residency, I’d then chase idk finishing specialized training, then before I know it I’m 30+ years old, and been constantly chasing the future my entire youth. Fk that. This girl I have a date with next week wrote this, “I was so scared not being able to do everything I want in my life that I couldn't be happy about the current achievements I was making. (Like getting yoga certified) I'm taking a break from hobbies and life goals/dreams to train my mind to be content with where I am in the PRESENT. Funny how life goals, as motivating as they are, can make you discontent with who you are. One step at a time” on her recent ig post. I realized that’s so true. I’m so scared of not achieving being a doctor, letting my parents down, not being wealthy, etc etc. I always want to be this amazing perfect dude, no flaws/imperfection, and was never happy with success. Any success I’ve had, Idk if I really took the time to appreciate it THAT much (i obv appreciated to an extent), and I was always focused on these life goals/dreams of mind like being a doctor. I always chased the future, and never just lived in the present. I do want to be a better me, I will always strive to be a better version of me, but all these goals sometimes can make me discontent with who I am. Like fk, I am not insanely ripped/fit, so I’m unhappy with myself. I’m not a successful wealthy boy at just 21, so I’m not happy with myself. I’m not a doctor blah blah, and when I think about how I haven’t achieved certain goals, I’d just feel sad. What’s the point in being sad about what I don’t have? I have goals, but I can’t endlessly chase after them/endlessly chase after the future.

My plans to make the present better and be more present: don’t stress about what might happen ALL the time. If things doesn’t work out, it doesn’t (kind of thinking about uh my upcoming date primarily when writing this). It’s okay if you’re not where you want, as long as you’re at least trying, then it’s okay. Don’t constantly think about the future, just take things one day at a time. You’ll be a lot happier, more productive, and more likely to have a beautiful future too. Just fking live your life Theo. Go work out, go hang out with friends, go to those concerts/clubs, go and spend time on your hobbies (who gives a fk if you’re not good, just do it for fun and for yourself), don’t go wild and not give a fk about responsibilities/school work, but I can’t live my life/plan my career for other ppl, and just do whatever I love. I don’t really believe in reincarnation or anything, so this is my one and only life. Why the fk waste time thinking about the future all the time, stressing about ‘succeeding’, and why not just make sure that I’m happy. If I have family, friends, and wonderful memories, then I think I’d be happy with the time I spent in this world. :)