#slightly surprised it wasn't
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07 raphael
#tmnt#tmnt 2007#tmnt raph#tmnt 2007 raph#opth replies#slightly surprised it wasn't#bnnuy#however this is a good answer
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Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.
#I've sort of made a new friend? Like we met at the same art group and he's also trans which was like pleasantly surprising in our small town#but like. We have Differences Of Opinion#and it's not totally his fault because it sounds like he's had a Lot of bad shit in his past that's obviously made him wary and closed off#but like. He's slightly older than me (only 4 years) and keeps blaming a load of his problems on other trans folks?#like you know the type. The like 'all these nonbinary/other identities the kids are doing are complicating shit'#the 'it hurts to see people younger than me inc. kids get hormones thrown at them when I still can't get 'em' (which... yeah not even true)#and he's told me himself he doesn't engage much with the queer community bc it's too 'toxic'#and like. I can absolutely understand why he could've had some bad experiences esp. since he has some mental health shit going on#but he wants to be friends bc he doesn't know anyone else going through the medical shit and it's like. Yeah no shit you don't?#you decided the community you'd find them in is toxic? and that people in them are doing being trans wrong?#and I think if he was just some guy online I'd like roll my eyes and ignore him#but he's a real person in my vicinity and I feel fucking bad for him#and I can see how much self loathing he has and how much that probably informs the bullshit#like he told me he thinks that trans men and cis men are fundamentally different categories and trans men will never be cis men#but not in a 'the experiences are just different and come with different perspectives way'#in like a self defeating way. Like a I just have to settle for being a trans man way.#and it made me SO SAD#like bro#I'm so sorry for whoever the fuck made you feel like you're fighting an unwinnable battle#and I want to be a friend to him. I want him to feel like there's other queer people out there and there's friends and hope#but also I genuinely could see him being the kind of person who would get really angry at you for no fault of your own#like I already get the distinct feeling he resents me a little#like obviously not too much since he still wants to hang#but he's been trying and failing to get HRT for years and I got it super quickly basically by sheer luck/a doctor who looks out for me#like I'm so fucking lucky. And I just genuinely feel like he's the kind of person who might take that personally.#I just do not think I have the fucking. Emotional tool kit to salvage this shit#But I also can't exactly text him and say sorry I don't think we should hang out so. What do.#.....I wasn't even LOOKING for a new friend! I have enough friends!!! I wanted to make clay faces and look at pretty buildings dammit!!!#now I have to be the emotionally mature one who goes hmmm maybe let's not blame other depressed trans kids for our problems buddy#I'm just gonna have to be like. Upfront about my stance and if he doesn't like it well he doesn't have to hang out with me
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23 is young and i don't wanna go acting like it isn't but sometimes i see stuff from baby zoomers and i feel fucking ancient. skibidi toilet? i have yet to understand what that's referencing. reality shifting? i was into new agey stuff as a teen and i get the whole law of attraction/manifestation thing, but the rest is all greek to me. a good half of the aesthetics i see talked about online? literally got overwhelmed when i stumbled on the aesthetics wiki last year and i feel like an idiot seeing all these kids list off like 4 different hyperspecific aesthetics to describe themselves 😭 girl what does any of that mean? patiently explain it like i'm 85 when it comes up, or don't expect me to know what the hell you're talking about. i'll just end up smiling and nodding like your out of touch grandpa who loves your energy but is frightened by cellphones and the concept of smartfridges 💀💀💀
#i genuinely am not dunking on any of this stuff (i have no idea what any of it is in detail lmao) and i think it's lame#as hell to dunk on young ppl stuff just bc it's enjoyed by young ppl. regardless i have no idea what's going on with the youth sometimes#and i don't think that's ever gonna change. i don't rlly care to devote a lot of time to stay Cool and Hip bc i'm NOT steve buscemi and i'm#okay with being viewed as uncool but it still surprises me the extent to which this is already happening to me and i'm not even 25#back in MY day we had gangnam style & vine compliations & i was only mosscore with a hint of dark academia and that's how we LIKED it! /s#i honestly feel more in touch with millenials then i do anyone too young to remember the great recession or life before the omnipresence of#the internet. that's surely due in part to us being legal adults but also bc i think anyone who HASN'T experienced a childhood without#smartphone access or one free of years of economic struggle has a much different life experience than i do. i didn't get a phone til 12 and#i didn't get a smartphone til 14/15ish. i never complain abt gas prices like my parents do bc i grew up when it was $3-$5. i can't eat#canned peaches bc they remind me of '07-'11. this isnt to say i had it harder - i wasn't a kid during covid - but its slightly harder to#relate to#len speaks
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okay so my request was for you to draw Qin Su :)
I lover her, she needs more content
Qin Su is so delightful to draw! I've also drawn her here. (≧▽≦)
If anybody wants me to draw a character, please send me an ask!!
#slightly off topic BUT I'm writer a super duper long fic about her relationship with JGY#if she wasn't just a plot device to further worsen JGY's life#im certain I'd have lover her far more than i do now#she's my third fave MDZS character after JGY and LXC#QS my beloved!!!#leave your brother#marry me instead 🥺🥺#Qin Su#mdzs#wish the fish#surprise surprise art student can do art#chibi art
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so I guess I'm gonna have to start the class on Monday a little later so that I can get that Nokia Arena show ticket lol
#this better be worth it#don't get me wrong the ice hall show was nice#but it wasn't _as_ special as i thought it would have been#of course there were lots of special effect and ROBIN so yeah in that sense it was special#but the setlist wasn’t surprising at all and that's what i was slightly disappointed in 😅#hopefully there'll be more surprises in the setlist for this show but i'm not holding my breath#as apparently it'll be the last show on their 'bug european tour'#and they usually don't make major changes to the setlist mid-tour#the european tour which i'm going to btw. i don't know where they'll be playing but i'm going 😤#also i hate how literally everyone and their mother knew about the nokia arena thing already so no one is surprised 😅#in any case i missed the pmmp tickets because i was an idiot / at work#but this one i need to get alright the monday morning class will have to wait 😤#sorry but the teacher has things to do and concert tickets to secure lol#who's going to the golden circle / VIP with me 👀#*BIG european tour lol i'm on mobile and can't edit the tags anymore#bug tour...😂
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Sir
Sir, that was Solomon's cooking I just fed you. (I included both outfits to show he doesn't have outfit specific dialogue)
You won't eat pickles but Solomon's Magic Sludge of Probable Doom is fine?
And yes, he's pretty much the same in the OG...
#screaming into my personal void#obey me nightbringer#obey me swd#obey me surprise guest interactions#obey me diavolo#I fed him the toxic sludge to see what he'd say and am slightly dissappointed he wasn't grossed out
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i uh. scratched my car pretty bad lol
#liveblogging life#the parking lot for my new apartment has a VERY narrow entrance#and uh turning into it is a little tricky???? idk why since i managed it fine so far#but today i think i turned a LITTLE too closely and ended sliding along the pole right by the entrance#and now i've got these long scratches down my back right door whoops#like. they're pretty noticable.#no damage and i didn't dent anything i think???#so im like. well i wasn't planning to resell the car anyway so i honestly dont really care that much#but on the other hand it's kind of embarrassing to have evidence of my shitty driving on display like that lol#and my dad's going to be soooo upset about it way more than i am lmao#i dont really want to spend a ton of money getting it fixed but they're definitely deep enough they'll need a repaint#i ordered some paint touch up & maybe i can just like... sort of help it so it's not quick immediately obvious???#idk man it's a bummer but im also kind of like /shrug about it too you know? im more surprised it took me this long to ding it lmao#actually i think i might have dented my car a lil bit bc the bottom right panel is like. slightly loose now#idk idk i dont really have the money to spare to get it fixed if it's going to be expensive so im kind of handwaving it right now tbh
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#i went to the dentist and the lady who cleaned my teeth had an Australian accent#she was very sweet and asked me a lot of questions about myself#i asked her a lot of questions back about herself and dentistry#she thought i was only 25#she seemed surprised i was interested in her at all and that's a pretty common way for people to react to me#I'm just interested in people and things and i guess people aren't used to that?#she and her assistant described me as observant#i mean. i guess?#it makes me sad that people are surprised and affected by my interest in them like... someone should be interested in you...#someone other than me#i hope you have people who care about you in your life and how you feel and think#the stuff they put on my mouth smelled like chocolate but she said it was cocoa butter#the stuff they put on my teeth smelled and tasted like eggnog but she said it was bubblegum#i said i hoped she was the one who will clean my teeth next time I'm there#did you know that you're not supposed to wash your mouth out after you brush?#apparently it's good for the flouride to stay on your teeth longer#she said my teeth are slightly more transparent than usual#and I thought...#/I/ am more transparent than usual#there was a painting in the exam room of white flowers on a blue background and I spent a lot of time looking at it#I have to go back on Tuesday for a filling but she reassured me it wasn't my fault#overall it was really something#and I just wanted to talk about it a bit#very very very sleepy ramble#if you read all this#i don't know why#but i love you#i can't remember how i used to tag these because i do this so rarely on this blog#oh well
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really mad i have to start manually tensing my abs again. oh well,
#basically i'm made out of silly putty and now that i work from home all of my muscles have atrophied#to the point that my SI joint/hips/shoulders/neck are so unstable that i sublux just from sitting certain ways#i thought the corset was going to help with this!#but it turns out you HAVE to do abdominal stabilizing/strengthening exercises when you wear a corset tightlaced for 10 hours a day every da#CW body image: i noticed when i was little that my belly poonched out when i wasn't actively tensing my abs#so ofc i trained myself to do that by middle school#which ironically probably helped keep my blood pressure slightly higher#anyways i stopped doing as much in adulthood bc i thought it was just related to vanity but surprise!!#turns out that casually conditioning my abdominal muscles constantly was good for them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#posting
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mused on some thesis about how billions uses Indignity to illustrate that something someone does has failed / gone wrong in one way or another, and how the way this punishment is an Emotional one means that it can't land if the character just doesn't Feel that punished by it, or at least doesn't like attribute the supposed failure to something inherent enough to them to particularly stew on it, see for example people heightening/escalating their efforts to embarass someone if even that person doesn't Seem to sufficiently externally react in embarassment. winston able to truck along while (a) consciously crafting or maintaining some persona, of eternal and irrefutable dignity or whatever else is associated with "merit"/status, isn't much of a priority, when to him his skills speak for themself even though to others this is about their own merit in recognizing independently if winston's skills Happen to have use, and putting him down if he tries to speak to that anyways, and (b) he's also just able to move along from L's handed to him, whether he thinks it was warranted (like that he'll accept it doesn't count if he only thought it but didn't say it) or not (why can't you count to loyalty), when even if this resilience To How Others Treat Him isn't exactly peak realistic, that he thinks of himself in such a way that he doesn't need to be striving for some paramount official status, or think he's defined by never failing or indeed never possibly able to be seen within a "wow undignified / embarassing" framework so long as this winningness is recognized, or so long as anything is anything, is sure feasible enough.
but anyways thought about it like this thesis is just "i am cringe but i am free" like yeah that works
#winston billions#just lifelong recognition that like the [the way they are means they generate comedy] type like peripheral characters are the ones like#yeah of course That's who's relatable; never the like supposedly aspirational and/or peak relatable central/main characters#and that can extend easily enough to the [basically just a running joke] Outlier Single Weirdo Always Just Doing Their Own Thing#like boy we all know people like that huh eyesrollingemoji like yeah. we sure do lol#but also like I Love You any time smthing using comedy is like; look: Everyone is funny & ''weird'' & ''uncool'' & ''doing things wrong''#like yeah they and we are lol#billions is creating what we Get to see or hear of in the first place / what info we get; how a character is shown to us....#and boy it just so happens that the characters who aren't epic enough to be brought further into the center of things#also just so happen to inadvertently or advertently Spontaneously share more info abt themselves for ppl to have negative reactions to#while we may be ''surprised'' that axe sucks b/c huh wasn't he so externally epic seeming???? like on what planet; first of all....#meanwhile winston is not here to be like as ambitious as possible & is more like. sometimes he'll play around; since he's here....#but this joie de vivre spontaneity is never Cool(tm) of him & maybe he'd be Cooler if he was like (scrolling) ''beneath me; beneath me...''#(he would not be lol. he's not allowed; fundamentally! it's not Merit in there or out here. nobody has a Deserved greater Air of Dignity)#(but he's getting to have a bit more fun now and then; he'd be punished for his inherent inferiority anyways. and even if like#basically his continuing to be present; continuing to choose to do shit; unacceptably flies in the face of the theory that someone's#inherent superiority will just Make It So that inferior ppl are shunted out of their way or w/e; means that ppl lash out about that by at#least trying to momentarily take Whatever away from him: positive emotional motivation; space to speak unpunished much less be listened to;#space to guaranteed have a Presence unpunished &/or unignored....like well that's the tradeoff to that versus if he tried going for the#tradeoff of much lower highs on average and maybe slightly higher lows on average. not up to You The Individual to simply ''correctly''#strategize your way out of anyways. e.g. rian has to Choose to treat him with basic respect for his being a person. or someone else has to#Choose to intervene in such a way that lends enough support to winston / thwarts the means with which rian can torment him.)#and in the meantime he apparently can only be peripheral & [funny; little] b/c his Dignity is low stakes. no Arc to ''restore'' it in eithe#anyone else's eyes or much more usually the character's own perception of themself. winston will just be like eh yeah i suck then lol#(when like basically the way He Sucks that ppl give him shit for = his being autistic like ofc he can only roll with / ''accept'' that)#and then he can go whee yippee wahoo & have a blood orange flavored doughnut & ppl can go my god if i were him i'd die#mafee i guess exemplifying this too. Generally able to scuff his foot on the ground like aw gee :( yeah i effed up cringefail style huh#and then move on without it really being much of a whole damn thing. even though it's also Often abt taylor likewise being the one like#[head in hands over mafee fucking up having the collateral or direct damage for them] but they're not here to be fueled by grudges#& ofc this all being Perspective; everyone in billions Is cringefailing lol; but not everyone gets continual [joke at their expense] for it
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mustard.
What am I Iooking at here
#i was just at the worst junior prom in my life#which isn't saying alot because ive only been to two junior proms#but god this one was so much worse than the one i was at the other night#yknow those parts of songs everyone sings along to? like how in sweet caroline it goes ''BUM BUM BUM''?#the dj would cut out the songs right at that moment. i think he was expecting people to sing along? but it just went#''SWEET CAROLINE'' *dead silence* *song continues*#i knew nobody. almost everyone my 'date' knew hated his guts.#there was nowhere away from the music. it was only one area (a courtyard) with no other rooms and barely any seats. i hate loud noises.#everyone looked so bored or so resentful. everyone was either wearing a funeral suit or the shortest dress i'd ever seen#I was uncomfortable with the slit in my dress but then I saw how the longest one anyone else had only went to their knees?#i mean i still wish i wore my other outfit and my jacket but at least i was somehow the most covered.#there were fireworks. i hate loud noises.#me and my friend both agreed that the junior proms would be so much better if we just went to the first one and skipped the second.#actually it wasn't all bad. there was a fountain that was was actually just a fancy kiddie pool with candles floating in it.#peak of the night right there.#also my hand started feeling better so that's good as well.#and at one point afterwords my mom said ''i wouldn't be surprised if you were slightly on the autism spectrum''#????????? slightly??????????? also how did she not already know? literally everyone else knows already. and she's literally my mother.#and i ended up ranting to her about my health anxiety#and then i started ranting about other anxiety and how i'm the therapist friend of a lot of people#and that led to how i'm constantly in a panic that something horrible is happening to my friends and i can't help them#and that led to Girlfriend List Dude who would repeatedly pretend that something horrible would happen to him#and when he messaged back ten minutes later ''that's exactly how i wanted you to react. i was testing to see if you're really my friend''#and i would never think 'causing me to cry and panic as a test is a pretty dick move' but nowadays it's all i think about#very off-topic now. gonna stop typing.#sorry you got all these tags in response to mustard. i don't have a therapist and havent seen a real doctor since maybe sixth grade
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listen i know liking ed sheeran is cringe but his new album is exactly the kind of music i want to hear from him and it's nice actually
#madelyn rambles#just low key mostly acoustic folk-ish vocals forward dad rock#not too cheesy or pop-y and with a slightly more mature sound#his last album wasn't terrible but it was the exact opposite of the kind of music that i think his actual niche should be#only done one full listen so can't comment on the lyricism#which has always been a sore spot for people lmao#but my fave is the hills of aberfeldy which i'm surprised that as far as i can tell is an original song and not an existing folk song
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I wasn't sure about Rose and Maloney at first, but it's so fucking good!!
#Like Rose and Maloney being complete opposites?#Brilliant#The cast? Cannot fault them - honestly was watching it for Sarah Lancashire (surprise surprise) but Phil Davis is incredible as Maloney#And also#ELAINE THE PAIN!#Sorry but I can't see her as anyone else (although she's still very good in this and probably better if your opinions of Nisha Nayar#haven't been completely influenced by Tracy Beaker)#Anyway it's very enjoyable but there aren't nearly enough episodes so I have Clocking Off and Where the Heart is ready to go as well#Also I just have to get it out there but how was Maloney seemingly so oblivious to the fact he was in a gay pub? Maybe he wasn't and I'm#reading it wrong but he did seem slightly oblivious despite the massive fucking flag in the doorway#Regardless I love that fucking idiot#Rose and Maloney#Sarah Lancashire#Phil Davis#Text post#Personal#I just really hope series 3 isn't as shit as people seem to have suggested
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Meanwhile Maneskin just got married to each other. Wtf
i literally saw the photo of them all kissing in the wedding outfits and i just went ".............ok sure"
#considering how progressively strange their music videos have become i wasn't even slightly surprised this time#asks
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forgot that today's new wild life episode day and that i need to stay of social media until i watch at least one ep 😞
#josh talks#im not that mad about spoilers#cuz 1) its my decision to not filter tags for it#and 2) its for a silly little minecraft series so its not nearly as bad as it would be for anything else to be spoiled#but still slightly saddened but not by much#i shall be back once i watch someone's ep#(fun fact i don't have a specific person i watch. i just leave it up to youtube to decide who i watch first.)#(last week mumbo's showed up first so he's who i watched first)#(lets see who i get.. opening youtube now)#(its mumbo again! ill take that. kinda surprised it wasn't somebody else. usually i wont get the same person in a row)#anyway when im back ill have a linktober thing to post <3
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#i have remastered the old piano piece i used to know :D#i can't wait to bust it out in front of my instructor wednesday and surprise the hell outta him#it wasn't what i was supposed to be working on this week#but eh#i worked on what i was supposed to too#this piece is just a lot easier#for me anyway#so it was fun to reconnect with it in between being frustrated with what we're working on#it also shows me that maybe i need to do my practicing in a slightly different way
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