#sleep is my number one enemy wth

[valewritessss]

I have never been more envious of anyone more than I am of the people who fall asleep the second their heads hit the pillow

Like wdym you don’t toss and turn every single night for a good hour or two before you actually fall asleep

Wdym you can say “I’m going to go take a nap” and actually take a nap instead of scrolling through your phone because the light from outside doesn’t bother you

And what do you mean you don’t get so overwhelmed by the sheets that are wrapping around your legs and your hair poking the back of your neck and the thirst you feel but there’s no water left in your water bottle and the fact that you need to pee and great now you’re sweating and not tired but your eyes are ready to sleep but your body isn’t.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN

[fategoflatass]

me reading no.6 novel • part two

not me changing the format because i got tired of having to edit screenshots 🫣 anywayyyy

this baby contains spoilers for the second volume, so if you haven't read it then go do so wth

"If it was something I could get by without knowing," Shion interrupted, "I wouldn't want to know about it. But I do want to know. To me, this is something I need to know. I want to know, and that's why―ach―" He bit his tongue.

"Geez, does clumsiness come naturally to you too? I never get tired of looking at you. ―You alright?"

the way my dude literally bit his tongue out of desperation, you just know how in despair he is and honestly? it's funny and pretty cute ngl

"So?"

Nezumi knelt down, and peered into Shion's face. The light in his eyes, which had the sheen of finely-woven cloth, had subsided to a gentle glow.

"What do you want to know?"

"You―" Shion answered. "I want to know about you."

"Then I'll tell you something. Put your hand here." Shion did as he was told, and placed his hand on Nezumi's chest.

"What do you feel? [···] My heart was beating, and it was warm. Right? [···] I'm alive, and I'm right here in front of you. That's all you need to know. [···] What you want is information, [···] That's why you can't understand the living people that are standing right in front of you."

"You're big on sarcasm, and love to make fun of people. You don't like fish, and you're a restless sleeper. [···] You have an enormous amount of knowledge, and a wide range of it too― but none of it is systematic. Sometimes you're fickle and over-sensitive, but other times you're lazy and careless about the details. You adore piping-hot soup, and you get really grumpy when it doesn't have the right amount of salt. And last night, you kicked me three times in your sleep. [···] Since coming here, this is what I've learned about you. They're not numbers. I would never substitute you for numbers. That's not what I want to do."

my man's here trying to not get any of them attached to the other just in case, and the other there like "watch me not giving a fuck while i mention a list of all your quirks and aptitudes because i'm that into you".

"The more you know, the more emotionally attached you'll get. Then we can't be strangers anymore. And that'll be trouble for you. [···] When we become enemies, you won't be able to kill me." There was a hint of a laugh in his voice.

and its counterpart 👀

"Me, or No.6 ― which one do you choose? [···] You love No. 6, and I hate it. That's why― one day, we're going to be enemies."

It was a murmur. A murmur that stabbed at his heart.

"I have a feeling that we will," Nezumi said quietly.

A darkness hung over the statement, and its weighty reality sank deeper into Shion. It was Nezumi's honest answer.

the change from chapter one to chapter five is quite big. where he was rough and even laughed when saying it, he's now bitter about something he's already taking for granted. he does not want it to happen, but he knows it eventually will. or so he thinks. nez is a mess, he needs a hug.

"Shion." The door opened, and Nezumi's voice called him. A pair of work gloves were tossed his way.

"You'll crack a nail if you use your bare hands." The door closed before Shion could say thanks, and silence settled over the room again. This casual act of kindness, or those cold, dispassionate words from a few minutes ago― which one was he to believe?

i just like it when nez's duality is shown or touched upon. the way he can be cold, sharp, distant, and then become someone emphatic, sweet, warm— no wonder shion's confused, man. he has his shield on 24/7, so when it melts even just a little bit and shows nez's true self and feelings it's quite the experience. he grew to have many faces, but his "real one" is reserved exclusively for these moments aND I'M SO FUCKING DONE WITH THEM.

context: shion said he wants to keep on living in west block, nez doesn't believe him.

"It might be arrogant― but I'm not lying. Regardless of what kind of place is, I still want to continue living here."

"If you're not lying, and if you're not trying to impress me with a model answer, what lead you to make that decision?"

"I'm drawn to you. A lot. That's why I want to stay here. I want to see what you see, eat what you eat, and breathe the same air as you. I want to hold in these hands what I would never have been able to get in No. 6."

this shit is so fricking cute i might just fricking die! ✌️✨ this scene hits me every time, i just love the pining and everything that surrounds it. how shion is honest, direct, and is always up to shower nez with love and affection, and nez is more to himself, doesn't say it explicitly just yet, and decides to show him his feelings through actions rather than words. trust me, he would never be this patient with someone unless he felt things for them.

but then this shit is followed by

"Your language ability is worse than a chimpanzee."

and i wanna throw nez out of the window, you know what i mean? i know being a tease is part of his nature but it's not 👏 the right 👏 moment so shut the fuck up and listen.

"Don't use words like 'drawn to' so easily. It's a very weighty, important word. You're only supposed to use it for a special, irreplaceable person in your life."

"Then how am I supposed to say it? Do I say I love you?"

SAY IT BITCH, SAY IT.

"You're just fascinated by new and unusual things. [···] That's it. You're just excited about the exotic animal you've discovered. Can't you even tell the difference? [···] Let me tell you something, Shion: words aren't things that you can toss around casually. You can't let yourself be forced to say something, and just put up with it. But you don't know that. So that's why I'm not going to trust you."

at this rate, i don't even know if this is nez genuinely thinking that shion messed up and that he's not in love with him, or if he thinks he might be real about it, but he prefers pretending he doesn't think like that, kind of like gaslighting him(?), so again no one gets attached here. again, they are supposed to become enemies in a near future, and you cannot kill someone you fell for.

Nezumi's hand suddenly extended toward him. His palm touched Shion's cheek.

"Did that hurt?" he asked gently.

"Quite a bit."

"―I don't have any grudge against you. And I don't hate you, either."

"I know..." Shion answered quietly.

the way he knows he was kind of an asshole and is trying to make him feel better, get me out of here because i might cry.

and there's also this scene which i think is pretty cool

"We can dye your hair, if it'll make you feel better at all," Nezumi said. "Black, brown, green― whatever colour you wish. What do you wanna do?"

"I'll keep my hair like this. White hair isn't so bad. I figure it's better than being completely bald."

it's just shion accepting and embracing his new looks that makes me want to runaway and throw myself to a field filled with lillies.

we also have some cutsie scenes such as this one

Shion sat down in front of the heater. His white hair, leaning more on transparent, was tinged red with the colours of the flame. His youthful hair had lost its colour, but still retained its shine. It's beautiful, Nezumi thought.

Shion's head of hair glimmered as it reflected the light of the things around it, and Nezumi extended his fingertips to touch it. His hair felt slightly coarse, but ran through Nezumi's fingers easily. It felt like ordinary hair, no more, no less.

with nez might being a tad of a simp, but not as much as his fellow companion because holy shit shion simps hard.

we also have some convos like this one

"That face came into my dreams for quite a while after that day, you know."

"Did I look that great?"

"You were grinning. You had this look on your face like you were having the time of your life. Every time I dreamt about it I had nightmares."

i could read about these dudes being bros as they could be romantically involved and i wouldn't give a damn, they just have a lot of chemistry and i love them for that.

we later on get introduced to the king, the legend, inukashi. my dude, when he sees what kind of menace shion is, gets so confused bc how and why the hell is nez dealing with this bitch like ???

He ran a finger lightly over the map. It was a casual gesture, but one of understated elegance. It was a movement calculated and honed to perfection, fully aware of watching eyes.

"Sometimes your gestures are really captivating. I couldn't help but stare."

Inukashi looked up at them, his gaze alternating between Nezumi and Shion's face.

"Nezumi, this guy really is naturally oblivious. How do you put up with him?"

"I manage somehow."

inukashi will proceed to tease on nez due to him finding out he does hold feelings for the dude he "somehow manages" to deal with

they then proceed to go to this place karan indicated them on a note where they meet rikiga. long story short, he and nez start dissing each other. at one point, the older one aludes to nez possibly offering certain services in the past which makes shion furious and gets violent for the first time in his life. nez gets to control him, the other eventually calms down and starts crying.

"Shion― come on, don't cry. Why would you... ―I can't believe you're crying," Nezumi said exasperatedly.

"He insulted you. He said horrible things― lumped you in with the filthy officials of No. 6. But you say it's no big deal. You weren't even angry about it... and that made me feel even more helpless and angry― so angry... I don't even know what to do anymore..."

i just put this in here because i like it when it's shown how important they are to each other. that's pretty much it, let's move on.

at this point, we're already at chapter four. this one is focused on karan and, eventually, safu. i really like this one due to the fact that we get to see everything from different character's points of view, such as karan noticing her son longing for this mysterious person.

Nezumi. Hadn't Shion murmured that word more than once? While he was drinking cocoa; while he gazed at the trees swaying in the wind; while he looked up at the evening sky, he had murmured that word.

"It's someone's name, isn't it?" She had thought so because of the tender way her son said the word. Nostalgically, lovingly, at times strained― it even carried a tone of longing. [···] "Did you get your heart broken by that person?"

"No, it's not like that. You've got it all wrong."

It was then that Shion would become unusually agitated, blush crimson, and do things like drop his spoon.

or safu expressing her feelings for him

"You know, I always thought I was alone. I thought I had to carry this burden all by myself... but you were right there with me. You had a place in your heart for Shion too― thank you."

"I... I love him," Safu said, her voice trembling. "From the bottom of my heart, I've always, always, loved only him.

[···]

"Who's by his side right now?"

"Is it Nezumi, I wonder? That's the only person I can imagine."

"I wonder if he's a very important person to Shion?" Safu asked.

"I think so. Maybe even as much as you and I are to him."

[···]

"This has nothing to do with how Shion feels. [···] I'm doing this because I want to. I'm being selfish, I know. But I can't just sit and wait for Shion in this state. I want to see him so badly. [···] I can't be strong like you. I can't keep waiting out of faith. I don't want to regret anything. If― if by some chance, he ends up never coming back... I'm going to be the one to suffer for my whole life. I don't want that. I don't want to lose him."

[···]

He was a strange person. He'll probably leave, throwing away without a second thought everything we've clung onto, everything that we've been taught to prize most importantly.

Her premonition had just come true. There was nothing to be surprised about. But she wanted to know why. She wanted to know the meaning behind the eyes Shion made ever so often.

What are you looking at? Who are you looking for?

Don't let your eyes wander so far away. Look at me. I'm right in front of you.

[···]

But Shion for the most part, had not even been looking at Safu. His soul had been captured by something else. [···] For the first time, she had seen this calm and serene boy of few words being ruffled right before her eyes.

i personally feel so bad for safu. i've been in her same situation —liking someone who doesn't like you back, even being into someone else—, and i know just how horrendous it feels like. i get she's not the most fleshed out person when it comes to romance, but i don't think that's a bad thing. she's just inexperienced, just like shion is also a tad awkward with his words.

next chapter comes and a new argument arises between our fellow dudes. this time, is about shion wanting to go back to no.6 with a serum made out of his blood. again, nez is against it because he wants the city to just disappear and, if shion were to help them, they would become enemies.

Nezumi moved his fingers from Shion's shoulder to his throat. Through the leather of his gloves, Shion could feel the sensation of five fingers at his neck. They tightened their grip slowly.

"Aren't you gonna resist?"

"No. It wouldn't be any use. You'd agree,"

"Don't you care about your life? Or are you thinking that I'd never kill you?"

"Yeah."

this, of course, upsets nez since he would kill him when they become enemies no, you would never do it. stop lying.

they then proceed to discuss nez's past and why does he hate the city so much, past that remains unknown for the time being. then nez proceeds to have the "we will eventually become enemies" which i already shown. this time, he seems to be sad, upset about it. shion tries to convince him they don't need to choose between them or the city, that they can do both, to which nez laughs.

"You're looking for a way to avoid getting hurt. Say if you do get rid of the walls: you won't get any kind of heaven. It'll be hell. Tumult, disorder, fighting, looting― you don't know how much these people have been oppressed until now. You don't know how many people have been sacrificed so that city can be where it is. You don't know, and that's why you can spin fairy tales like that. Shion, it can't be done. It's not like mixing paint, you can't mingle them together and make them one. Either one will have to destroy the other, that's the only solution. That's what fate has set out. Love and hatred, friends and enemies, those within and those outside the wall― and you and I. They can never be as one, and neither can we."

"You don't know until you try. For one thing, I know I wouldn't become your enemy. Ever. No matter what happens, even if I'm killed, I would be on your side."

He believed that human souls, when faced with a dilemma, would ultimately choose peace over war, songs and scriptures over weapons, and love over hatred. It wasn't a fantasy. It was hope. I still haven't abandoned hope. I want to find a road that you can't see, and point it out for you.

"An idealistic armchair theorist like you should just sit here all day long. Ignore the world outside, and mull over this and that all inside your head. Don't talk to me anymore. Don't make me any angrier than this."

but well, they cannot be upset with each other for long. one of inukashi's dogs appear on scene and starts licking on shion's wound which i didn't get to talk about: it was made when nez was trying to prove a point by putting a knife up shion's throat and saying "i could kill you right now yk" and shion being like "no, you couldn't". just, you know, remembering the good old days.

"You're licking my wound for me? You're a nice boy."

"Dumbass, he only licked it because he smelled blood."

"I don't think so. He did it because he was concerned about me. But whatever the reason, he's certainly nicer than you," Shion said wryly.

"Don't compare me with a mutt," Nezumi said sullenly. He looked genuinely disgruntled. The way he stuck his lip out brought back a fleeting image of his face four years ago. It somehow made Shion want to laugh, and for some reason, made him feel nostalgic.

"What?" Nezumi said. "What're you grinning about?"

"Nothing," Shion said mildly. "Just noticing you've still got a childish part left in you. It made me kind of happy."

later in the day, one of nez's rats returns with karan's memo. this one notifies them of safu's being taken away by the security bureau. he reads this and asks himself if he should tell shion, or if he should keep it to himself, knowing that he would immediately go after her and possibly die.

But if Shion died, something within him would change greatly. He didn't want to see Shion die. He would probably suffer. Not Shion, but he― Nezumi― would suffer.

You've gotta be kidding me. I've had enough of this already.

He didn't want to lose him. He didn't want to experience the remorse of having been the one that lived.

I don't want to lose him? I would suffer?

He was clicking his tongue in frustration.

So this was what he had come to. He almost felt like curling up on the ground.

He had rescued Shion from the hands of the Security Bureau to return the debt that he owed him. That was it. He never wished to be attached to him.

He was used to loss, he was used to suffering. Wasn't he? Even if Shion did die, perhaps he wouldn't moan in agony over his gaping loss. Even if he did, perhaps it would only be for a short while.

He would go back to his normal life.

The room looked barren and dark, and larger than usual. Its coldness, darkness and vacant space seeped into his bones.

That was what being attached to someone meant. He would no longer be able to live alone anymore. It was one of many artfully-set traps that lurked at every corner of his life. And to this one, he had fallen victim.

Have I still got a chance? Shion, will I still be able to live without you? After some amount of suffering, would I be able to detach myself from the trap you've become?

Would I be able to sever you?

i think this is what hurt me the most in this volume. here is where there's no doubt about nez having feelings for him. to someone who's so used to being alone, to not getting attached to anyone and never trust, to watching people die... he can't do it, he just can't do it. shion has now become part of his daily life, and he hates himself for that. he allowed himself to be weak, to be vulnerable, and now he can't let the other go. he can't give him up that easily.

[kyotakumrau]

2020.08.23 sukekiyo talk event at Nakano ZERO - report

There were 3 long tables on the scene with 5 seats behind them, seats were quite spaced out. The louder music signaled the event will start and then the band members were walking on the stage (from the left side) and took seats.

From the right to left: utA, YUCHI, Kyo, Mika and Takumi, who also became the moderator of the talk event.

Takumi asked everyone about their thoughts of the DRIPPIN' tour, the event was held in place for the cancelled final show.

Mika said that now the idea of the standing show with people squeezed together going hard feels unreal. The tour was interesting.

Kyo said that as usual he doesn't really remember the shows, he was performing A LOT, sukekiyo right after dir, he felt his body got weak and he would become breathless easily, so he quit smoking, he can breathe much easier now. Then, talking about stay at home period, he said that when he is busy he has many things he wants to do, but then when he is not busy he just doesn't move. His day would be like 'game, game, sleep, wake up, game, forget to eat, game, eat something, sweets, game'. And his body is weak because he doesn't do any training, his breathing is not good. But he doesn't feel like moving, he only moves in the game.

Yuchi said tour was fun, they were very lucky with the timing, almost got it, just the last show in Shibuya got cancelled. As it was only one last show he felt shocked when it got cancelled.

utA: ....can't remember anything... but I remember eating good stuff with everyone. ... (silence follows)

Takumi (trying to help): we were playing new songs and so on?

utA: Ah but the mizutake in Kyushu were great!

He also said he regrets that Tokyo show didn't work out.

Next, Kyo told us a funny story. At the venue in Fukuoka (Tsukushikaikan) the smoking area backstage was located somewhere higher and he could see fans from there. He also told us that he went to eat shrimp tempura for lunch (Kyushu is famous for seafood), he was really looking forward to it. He couldn't remember the shop name, but it was a type where you get freshly fried stuff one by one, like a course. He enjoyed everything and then the main, the shrimp, but then a squid came last and he was like 'wth?' (because shrimp was the main). He got irritated, but that squid turned out to be delicious. He said that Fukuoka is 'イカの街 - the town of squid'😂 and after that lunch he was watching fans from the smoking area.

Takumi said that he feels sad as Tsukushikaikan in Fukuoka is closing down, his hometown is near so he has many memories there. He also felt the tour was very good, the atmosphere and new songs, especially last Nagoya was good.

Kyo: Ah but the ZARAME donuts (donut shop in Nagoya) I wanted everyone to eat were sold out, the bacon ones, so I got irritated, really felt bad. And then the tour finished with that...

(not being able to get the donuts he wanted...)

Takumi: food is so important.

Yuchi said something about Nagoya becoming the tour final even as it wasn't planned like that.

Kyo: Where were we supposed to play in Tokyo? (others tell him Shibuya) Ah I wanted to take you so we could eat Nabe Jiro in Meguro. So irritating. I wanted everyone to try.

Takumi: So what was everyone doing during 'stay at home' period?

(he asked each member starting from the right, utA)

utA: watching TV.

Takumi: what did you watch?

utA: stuff I recorded. He also said he was eating and gaining weight and got worried about that. Especially now he's getting older so it's easier to gain weight. He was also working on music.

Yuchi said he didn't do anything special, he was working on music etc. He said they have enough material for an album.

Takumi asked him about his RR interview and they talked about the photoshoot. It was held around May, when it already started to get warm. Takumi said that photos are quite striking.

Takumi: then Kyo, you said you were playing games?

Kyo talked more about Fortnite, playing with 4 friends and how he gets killed really quickly, even if he waits for the number of enemies to decrease before he comes out. I didn't understand all of it tbh. But he finished saying he also was cooking and watching movies.

Mika was of course working on music, but other than that he's also into some retro games, the type young people don't know/play. PC engine mini, GRADIUS and R-TYPE. When not working on music he was playing those games.

Takumi finally took care of all the things he was always leaving for later. He wanted to organize and declutter his equipment, he was writing reviews and selling a lot of stuff online. But them he also ended up buying some new stuff 'not sure if I can use it with sukekiyo but I always wanted to try this', so in the end he didn't really downsize his equipment. 😂

Then suddenly came a question from Kyo: does anyone here play Fortnite?

(there were maybe like 5~6 fans who raised their hands)

Kyo continued telling us about Baobao (??) and special skins Chuka manju, there are 4 types and on his team everyone is using the Chuka manju skins (Chinese buns). (there was another bit here I didn't get about those skins)

Takumi asked him how long does he usually play, Kyo said it's not decided but if longer sometimes he can start at 8pm and finish after 2, but not everyday. He doesn't always play with his team, he often plays alone, then he plays with kids and gets roasted because he's so bad😂

Takumi: anything new you want to try as sukekiyo in this situation?

Kyo said sukekiyo shows are not so different from the event, as everyone sits down and stays quiet. He does think about releasing new music, like 2 or 3 songs, being mean all of them on cassette tapes. He asked us if we can listen to the tapes like he was hoping we can't😂

Yuchi said there might be some things they can try. He loves making music so he's hoping to release something new. He talked about how band and music is changing during the tour, the progression how songs grow?

utA: the weird me wants to continue making hentai (abnormal) songs.

Takumi: we're looking forward to those.

Mika (something about unreleased footage)

Takumi talked about the digital release of their music, getting new people to listen to their stuff, of course getting some money as people play it. He also talked about editing the songs, he likes their old songs but said he doesn't like his own sound in some of them.

And suddenly we heard a LINE notification from Takumi's phone😂 Manager Takabayashi reminded them the times is running out, but Kyo told us he wanted to make the event longer.

He said many people came for the event in such situation (pandemic), so he doesn't want to finish so early.

He asked us again: anyone came from outside of Tokyo area (地方 local areas)? Ah that's bit tough. But at least shinkansen should be almost empty now... and for people in Tokyo it is tough as well, there are so many people it's like cockroaches.

(😂)

If we play a seated show (hall show) would you come?

(all of us started to nod, clap and so on)

Well... if you don't it's not like we would do it again (ever??😱), I just can't trust people to come...

(Oh, Kyo, we would come, I'm waiting for the show announcement like my cat listening for the sound of the opening tuna can😆)

And again came a sudden change of topic😆

Kyo: I really love omochi (rice cake), always have, especially during New Year. I would always eat so many, but then only my face gets fat when I stuff myself with them. So it's better to be careful.

Yuchi remembered Kyo warned them about omochi when they were playing at Countdown Japan (2013), it was very close to New Year.

Takumi asked Kyo what's his favourite way of eating mochi. Kyo explained that 砂糖醤油餅 (rice cake with sugar and soy sauce) is the infinite way to eat mochi, you will never stop. Because it's salty and sweet, you add sauce and grill it, add sauce and grill it, eat on repeat. Kinda like eating chocolate and potato chips, salty and sweet, on repeat.

In the end, Takumi asked all members for a message to the fans.

utA thanked us for coming in this situation and said he hopes they will be able to do something. He will be happy if we can come to the shows.

Yuchi thanked us as well. He said that since Nagoya in February there weren't any events like this, where we can meet and both fans and band members get more energy. They are doing their best now creating new songs.

Mika thanked us for coming and said that seeing so many people come even in this situation he felt it was powerful. He's hoping for something exciting for them and us and said they will try to look for the possible options.

Takumi said it was the first time their show got cancelled so it was a big shock, it was hard to find a way to handle it and decide what to do, what to do for fans who couldn't come and so on.

Kyo:

... I don't really have a message... we had something like that with DIR EN GREY, it was the same. You all (members) said the good things. But, the fans who came and the fans who couldn't, decided not to come, who were scared, how do we decide which way is right? There are so many stressful things, it's not like anyone is wrong. Live the way you believe is right. People are following the rules, a year passes, and when we will look back, it will be like it's empty, this is the hardest. No one else can do it for you, you have to decide for yourself what to do, the time passes quickly. You will be watching Chibi Maruko-chan and then feel like you were watching Chibi Maruko-chan just the day before (but it was last week), so make sure every day is important. I'm not feeling happy usually, and when you're just staying home things start to get weird (mentally), but seeing everyone here as so many of you came, I'm simply feeling happy. I really want to play live soon.

知らんけど・...I guess?🤷‍♀️

[rexcoatlarchive]

Welcome to chaldea

Time to explore how the hell Rex even got to chaldea in the first place.

*in a suburban home somewhere in Kansas, laying in his bed was the man who would eventually be thrown into some magical bs*

*phone rings*

Me: *picking up the phone* hola?

Gramps: Hola mijo!

Me: oh hey gramps

Gramps: how are doing today?

Me: I'm fine, and you?

Gramps: bien , muy bien. Hey, you think you can come over? It's kind of important.

Me: uh sure I guess I could.

Gramps: and make sure you come alone

Me: oh... OK.

*later on right outside a pretty dingy looking house*

Me: *driving up to the building*

Me: here we are. Wonder what he needs

*enters the house*

Me: gramps! You in here?!

Gramps: *from another room* over here mijo!

*Rex walks to a room that looks a bit like an office. And there at a desk sat an older kinda short looking Mexican man*

Rex: hey Gramps. You wanted to see me?

Gramps: si mijo! There's something I need to tell you about.

Me: uh sure thing, what is it?

Gramps: ...you ever heard of magic mijo?

Me: *already concerned* uh.... yeah.

Gramps: you think it's all just nonsense and fairy tails don't you?

Me: well all evidence I and the world at large have seen points towards it being bs, yeah.

Gramps: well what if I told you it was all true, and all magic users have been keeping it a secret from the rest of the world?

Me: what like Harry Potter? Well first off I'd be concerned about your mental health somewhat.

Gramps: hahaha, yeah I imagine that's an appropriate reaction. But what if I showed you this *just fucking makes fire appear out of his hands*

Me: .....well then. Is it real?

Gramps: course it's real. Try to feel it

Me: *reaches hand out, it's actually warm* ...how the fuck?

Gramps: like I said, magic! Well we call it thamaturgy, we don't consider it true magic.

Me: then wtf is true magic?

Gramps: the stuff of dreams! The things some true magicians can do are beyond imagination and even comprehension!

Me: well then... why are you telling me all this now? Who else knows?

Gramps: no one else in the family. I've kept this a secret for ages.

Me: ages?! How old are you?

Gramps: oof! I don't even remember! But I will say my earliest memory is of some Spanish fools asking about a golden city. And even then I wasn't exactly a spring chicken

Me: *thinking about how old that could be* holy... so you can keep yourself young with magic?

Gramps: yeah, most mages don't but a few dabble in it.

Me: why keep it a secret for so long? And why start talking now?

Gramps: well to answer your first question, it's because most of mage culture is horrible and lacks morality almost entirely.

Me: ...huh

Gramps: and almost all mages are fools, refusing to adapt with the times. They're obsessed with the old ways, it can get downright pathetic honestly!

Me: interesting... again why now?

Gramps: well I figure it's time to stop extending my life so damn much and open the way for the next generation, as in you!

Me: Me?! You want me start doing magic?

Gramps: yup!

Me: why me? Why not dad or mom or someone?

Gramps: because I've been specifically getting you ready for this. Your magical circuits are the best in the family, the only ones that compare to mine.

Me: ...my what?

Gramps: they're called magical circuits. It's the part of the body that allows people to practice thamaturgy in the first place.

Me: so it's genetic?

Gramps: yeah, almost every generation after me had subpar circuits. Slowly over the generations I did small experiments to ensure that eventually I will have a proper successor. Nothing too bad, no one would've noticed. And you are the culmination of that work.

Me: feels really weird to be called the culmination of your work.

Gramps: yeah, that's an understandable reaction. Don't worry, I never needed to do anything to you. You were born ready to go. I just needed to wait until you were old enough.

Me: alright. So how do we start this? You start teaching me how to do this?

Gramps: early on I did have that in mind, but then a friend of mine starting working on something that I think would be better. You see, in the world of magecraft I'm actually kinda infamous. I'm a bit of a black sheep compared to the rest of magus society. Instead of focusing on 1 type of magecraft I decided to travel all around and learn as much as I could.

Me: so you're a bit of a jack of all trades?

Gramps: yeah, that's a good way to put it. I made many friends and enemies in my travels. And many want to know all the secrets I have, because I know forms of magecraft that many would love to get their hands on. For example, I'm ages old but don't look a day over 80 right?

Me: yeah.

Gramps: usually for other mages to achieve this many sacrifices are made, like sanity or their bodies start to deteriorate. But not me! I have access to magecraft that's long since died out.

Me: damn

Gramps: and all those secret will go to you. Or atleast most that I can give. And automatically once I die, all my enemies will be your enemies.

Me: WHAT!?

Gramps: but! Then I heard a friend of mine, from the animusphere family started working on something called the Chaldea security organization. And he needs mages, I talked to him and ensured that you'll join. And in return he'll ensure no one can get to you.

Me: so I'll go their to learn instead of you?

Gramps: yup! Soon enough I'll transfer my crest, which what'll you need to get started, you'll receive a phone call to confirm your participation. Then eventually someone will come get you, and you'll get started from there.

Me: so it's like a job? And is it OK for them to get someone so new to this?

Gramps: they just need bodies, and yeah it's basically a job. But you'll be staying there. So I'm basically forcing you to finally be independent and move out of your parent's home

Me: I'm only 20, it's not that bad.

Gramps: still, this has been set in motion. Are you prepared for what's coming?

Me: not even remotely! But I have very little say do I?

Gramps: nope!

*eventually after a few days, Gramps transfered his crest over to Rex. Eventually Gramps passes, and Rex just waited*

*phone rings*

Me: hello?

*a female voice is heard*

Olga: hello, this is the director of the chaldea security organization. I have a note from the previous director to call this number on this day. Are you the successor of that... unique magus who passed recently?

Me: yes I am.

Olga: and am I correct to assume that you've been informed of your involuntary recruitment into this organization?

Me: yup

Olga: ok, I'm not going to force you to join but I will say it is in your best interest to join. Once other magus find out about you, and they will, you will likely not be safe.

Me: yeah, he made that clear. I've already prepared myself to join

Olga: excellent, a car will be coming tomorrow to take you to a plane. From there you'll be taken here.

Me: alright then. Is that it?

Olga: that's all, see you soon enough

*the phone is hung up*

Me: kind of annoying being thrown into this. But from what I've heard it could be worse. *looks at an envelope left by gramps*

*on the envelope it says "don't open until you get there, and make sure to bring the feather"*

Me: *holding said feather* he gave me this thing ages ago. So I guess this was him getting me ready for all this? Wth does a feather have to do with magic anyways?

*the next day on the plane*

*Rex is seated next to a pair of twins*

Rikka: *trying to start conversation* hey there!

Me: hi

Rikka: what's your name?

Me: you can call me Rex

Rikka: well hey there Rex! You can call me Rikka, and this is my brother Rikko!

Rikko: *is sleeping*

Rikka: *elbows him* wake up bro!

Rikko: huh? What?

Rikka: so why'd you decide to join up?

Me: was kinda forced into this by gramps

Rikka: your grandpa forced you to join?

Me: oh, he's not actually my grandpa. Everyone in my family just called him that because he's older. And yeah I was forced essentially, because a lot of magus don't like him apparently. And as his successor I'm apparently going to have a target on my back. But he said the director would promise my safety if I joined so... yeah

Rikka: well that's kind of messed up! But that's mage culture for ya!

Me: man every time I hear about mage culture, it's non-stop misery and dread

Rikka: do you not know much about mage culture?

Me: no! Just a month ago, magic would've been considered fairy tale nonsense to me! But now I'm being thrown into something I barely understand to stay safe from who knows what!

Rikko: that's very weird. Normally it's driven into your head from birth

Me: but not me! Even the rest of my family knew nothing until I showed them some of the basic spells gramps taught me! He's left me with very little while throwing me into this crazy world. It's kind of weird because he was always that cool relative that was a blast whenever he visited! But now he's the man who threw me into this magic hell and then died! All he's left me with is this journal to figure out basic magecraft and this bite and feather

Rikko: feather? Why the feather?

Me: good question. The note might explain but it says to wait until we get there.

Rikka: well when you do open it can you tell us?

Me: sure I guess

Me: but I've gone on long enough, why are you guys joining?

Rikko: well we just needed some work and independence, and our parents heard about this place and said we should join up

Me: that's it?

Rikka: yup!

Me: huh, ok then

*eventually once at chaldea and after the huge presentation at the beginning the 3 are walking towards their rooms*

Me: man you two kept falling asleep, if I weren't there to keep you guys awake who knows how the director would've reacted. And also thankfully that Mash girl told us the right way to go to our rooms

Rikka: *still sleepy* yeah, thanks for that. And thanks Mash

Rikko: *also sleepy* so where's our rooms anyways?

Me: *stopping at a door* right here it seems

Rikka: cool! Let's get in to read your note already!

Me: don't you want to get into your rooms first?

Rikka: that can wait! I'm too curious right now!

Me: alright then

*the door opens and sitting on the bed is a man with long red hair tied in a pony tail is seen eating cake, along with him is a dark skinned woman with dark purple hair*

Me: uh...

Rikka: hey there?

Rikko: did you get the wrong room?

Me: no... it says right on the paper

*the two on the bed stand up*

Romani: oh sorry about that we were just kind of taking a quick break, this room had been empty for so long we just used it to hang out.

Me: huh... well sorry but I've been assigned to this room.

Rikka: who are you guys anyway?

Romani: I'm Romani Archaman, the head doctor around here though most people call me Dr. Roman. And this lovely woman is my wife, and assistant

Mrs. Archaman: hello there

Me: oh the head doctor huh? Interesting

Rikko: nice to meet you doc

Rikka: ...you guys both have fluffy hair

Roman: yeah we get that a lot

Mrs. Archaman: mostly me though. People always want feel my hair

*out of nowhere comes a little white animal*

Roman: oh is that the fabled mystery creature Mash told us about?

Mrs. Archaman: oh how cute!

Me: wtf is he?

Rikko: squirrel?

Rikka: cat?

Roman: no idea, my first time seeing him

Roman: come here little guy, I'll give you a treat

Fou: fou fou!

Roman: wait a minute, what's with the pitying look in his eyes!?

*all of a sudden the lights go out, thanks to the explosion*

Well that's the pretty much the story

Really wanted to finally show how Rex got into chaldeas in the first place.

Tagging some folks @panyum @grievouslyxorvia @gxymlky @hasereshdoneanythingwrong

Kinda wonder if people will realize who the mysterious wife is

[baenxietydad]

taking a walk on Ice (얼음산책) || The Baes

Where McKala can’t think of a title so she uses the title of a Korean indie song lmao

Marlin tries to give Nemo privacy, he's he's up crying until 2 AM so maybe that's not the tactic

Word count: 2422

tw: sadness? vampire racism?  

@justkeepdancing-nemo

MARLIN:

 2 AM and Nam-min was still awake crying. 

 Mu-yeol clutched at his blankets as through the thin walls of their Hollow home, he heard another sob from his son’s room. He hated it for so many reasons:  1. he never liked to hear his son cry; 2. it was over that abhorrent creature; and 3. he could have broken his son’s heart a little kinder. 

 At yet another awful sob from his son’s room, Mu-yeol threw his blankets to the floor and hurried through the house to his sweet baby boy. Baby. He was nearly a man now, technically, but he always felt so small to him. 

 “...Nam-minnie? I know I’m public enemy one right now, and you want nothing to do with me but…” he lingered in the doorway, aching to hug him but certain it would only make him feel worse. “...do you want me to leave?”

 NEMO: 

Nemo had said goodbye to Robbie two hours ago. 

 First, he’d tried to sleep, he really did, pressing his face into his pillow like that could stop the tears. But his heart kept aching and his breath kept catching, over and over. When he gave up, he reached for his phone on a dangerously low battery. Because this wasn’t done. His second, louder round of tears came as he went through to Appa-proof what was the world’s most unconvincing break-up. It was like trying to dig out splinters as he read over a text and forced himself to delete it. Over and over. Over and over. 

 At this point, the pain got unbearable, Nemo keening into the open air like he’d been punched. He had to flip his phone face down and just-- sob. Loud, horrible sobs. And still, he didn’t feel better. 

 He understood why it was called heartbreak. 

 When his door creaked open, Nemo quickly twisted in his sheets away from it. He once again pressed his face against his pillow, willing himself to stop crying, just stop crying-- to just be asleep, just be asleep…

 His whole body shook though, and Appa asked Nemo if he wanted him to go-- it just made it worse. He choked on his tears, unable to answer. No, he didn’t want Appa to go. But he didn’t want Appa to stay if he was just going to be cruel. And that’s probably what it was, wasn’t it-- Appa here to tell Nemo to stop crying over that thing--

 He would never be a thing to Nemo. Robbie, Nemo said his name in his mind and the tears rolled forth, neverending. 

 MARLIN:

 He tentatively stepped into Nemo’s room and stood by his bed, reaching down to play with Nemo’s hair. If Nemo wanted him gone he’d slap him away. If he wanted his appa to hug him after all he’d cry and do nothing else. 

 Mu-yeol was thrilled the monster was gone from his son’s life, but that didn’t mean he was happy to see his son crying. 

 “My baby,” he said, frowning. “Do you need me, or hate me too much?” 

 NEMO: 

Yes, Nemo needed his Appa.

 Nemo clutched at his blankets, pulled up to his heart. He tried to open his mouth but it wouldn’t budge. He couldn’t trust himself. What might fall out of him? It had only been two hours and yet Nemo had a thousand I love hims growing rapidly inside him, like a garden overrun. If he said something like that, Appa would scoff and try to rip them out of him no matter how much it hurt-- no matter that it felt like if Appa pulled one, ten more would grow in the wound left behind.

 Or maybe he’d say he was sorry, and then be ashamed of himself for being sorry. Maybe he’d say he was sorry and that would be the razor that would deal the final blow.

 “I--can’t--” Nemo gasped, not sure how to finish even this sentence. He, the boy who hated that word: can’t. It was a wall he couldn’t climb over. 

 MARLIN:

 Can’t what?

 Part of him was afraid to go forward with cuddling Nemo because he was sure Nemo would shove him away. After all, he hadn’t asked to be held. He probably wanted that creature here, not his father, but what could he do? All he was was his father. He was not Tae, or Finn, or Louie, or any number of people Nemo would rather have here now. 

 “Can’t what, Nemo? Stand me? We agree on something.” He muttered, crawling into bed next to Nemo and hugging him against his chest, patting his hair. “Too bad. I’m still your abeoji and I still love you more than anything.”

 NEMO: 

Nemo had been turned away from Appa, so when he climbed onto his bed and drew Nemo toward him, Nemo’s back pressed against his Appa’s torso. His wings were trapped in his abeoji’s pleasant, familiar body heat, and the sore muscles up and down his spine instantly soaked up the feeling greedily. It was a misconception that you could crush a pixie’s wings like this-- they were actually much more durable than people thought they were, and it took a lot of horrible force to hurt the wings themselves. 

 Nemo didn’t pull away from this hug. Even if he wanted to, he didn’t think he’d have enough strength.

 But he didn’t want to. He wanted the hug. He wanted more than that. He wanted the pain in his chest to stop crushing him. Could Appa feel that pain, even though it wasn’t a physical wound? Why couldn’t he make it go away?

 “N-N--” Nemo tried to say no, and he couldn’t.  It was so hard to breathe. “I--c-can’t--stop. It h-hurts.”

 He couldn’t stop crying. He couldn’t stop hurting. He couldn’t stop loving Robbie.

 MARLIN:

 He clutched Nemo a tiny bit tighter and closed his eyes against his son’s warmth. Nam-min felt so small in his arms, like he was a fledgling again, and it only reminded him that he wasn’t. He may be as bright-eyed, innocent, and full of hope as he was back then, but he was all grown up now. Soon he wouldn’t have to rely on his father for protecting, or even want to go to him for his affection because that was ‘kid stuff.’ 

 Even now, did Nemo want him, or just someone and was too sad to reject him? He should push him away. After all, he did this, didn’t he?

 No. He thought. Everything is that thing’s fault. It had no right to approach my son, and has no right to live it’s death-cheating existence. 

 Mu-yeol said nothing. Only held Nemo tight against him and kissed the top of his head. Appa loves you, he thought but didn’t say. You are safer without that...without it. 

 NEMO: 

Appa didn't say anything more. 

 Nemo might have imagined what he had said in the first place. His chest was full of holes, each one punched out by everything Appa had said before, and he was desperate for something to fill them. Anything. He squeezed his eyes shut and whimpered and tried to fill those holes with Appa’s touch, wth Appa’s I love you, with the kiss he placed on the top of his head. But the holes were so wide. No matter what Appa put in, these same things slipped out, lost in the darkness and in the depth of Nemo’s heartbreak.

 He drew Appa’s hand tighter around him, pressing his palm over his heart. He’d grown up associating those same hands with healing. Where they touched, Nemo felt better.

 He didn’t feel better. The tightness didn’t loosen. His breath caught, coming in short gulps. 

 And Appa still wasn’t saying anything.

 The silence made the holes so much wider. 

 You hate me, the silence was telling Nemo. You want me to shut up. You’re ashamed. You’re disappointed. You’re disgusted. 

 Nemo kept shaking, turning his face into his pillow to try to muffle all of this. 

 MARLIN:

 He could take Nemo hating him, and you know, he could take his tears. It was his broken, horrible silence that was killing him, for his actions in his silence said it all. Nam-min pressed his father’s hand over his furiously beating heart and the message was clear.

 It hurts, Appa. My heart hurts and I don’t know when it will stop. Nam-min’s silence told him. Mu-yeol hated himself which was nothing new but he did not hate what he did. Nemo was safer. But he wasn’t proud he had to hurt his son to make him that way. When he hurt like this he usually would just pour his love onto Nemo but Appa’s love couldn’t and wouldn’t fix this. He almost felt like leaving was better but Nam-min’s grip on his hand was ironclad. Whether he was helping him or not, his son didn’t want him to leave.

 “What can I do to help you fall asleep, my love?” Mu-yeol asked him, practically a whisper. There would be no making him feel better tonight, but getting him to sleep was the best he could do. “I don’t know how to fix your hurting heart, baby boy.”

 NEMO: 

He didn’t know. He didn’t know. Nemo had never felt like this before. His heart had been injured in other ways. There were times he missed Eomma so badly it kept him up too, quiet little tears burning in his eyes though never falling. After the nightmare-- after seeing Appa drown-- sleep evaded Nemo for days as he stared at his door, ears straining to listen for any sounds of Appa in the night. His throat had been tight with fear and his heart beat too fast, but it didn’t squeeze like this. That’s because there had been something he could do. He could listen. He could stay up. He could see Appa in morning and feel happy even in his exhaustion.

 But Nemo couldn’t do anything here. Robbie was taken away from him. Forever. 

 His body kept shaking as Nemo tried to stop through force alone, his lips locked together. He had to suck in breath through his nostrils instead. How could he answer Appa’s question? Appa didn’t actually want the answer. 

 The answer was-- let him be in love. And love Nemo for that love anyway. 

 He wanted to throw up. If he could expel his heart from his body, then maybe the pain would stop. 

 “Y-you-- y-you--” his words ballooned, then deflated, with every shaky breath, “--h-hate me now--” 

 MARLIN:

Oh. God. 

 Nam-min was hurt worse than he thought and it wasn’t entirely because of the breakup. It was because of him. 

 “Nemo, what?” Mu-yeol said, his eyes welling up with tears and his voice betraying it. “I could never hate you. You’re my sunshine, remember?”

 He kissed the top of Nemo’s head and then inched away from him so he could roll Nemo over to face him. “You are my son, and I will always love you.” He began as he wiped Nemo’s tears. “I will always look at you and feel warm, and happy, and glad that I brought you into the world with your eomma.”

 NEMO: 

Nemo didn’t believe him.

 This was the first time Appa had looked at him all day-- it wasn’t even day. It was night. He could barely see Appa in the dark and Appa could barely see him, even as he wiped away at the tears and lied, and lied, and lied. 

 Nemo’s heart throbbed like it was full of splinters. For the first time since Appa came in, he thought about shoving him away, if only because all this fake affection just pushed those splinters in deeper (He thought Nemo’s love was an abomination-- not love at all. He thought Nemo was an abomination for loving--and so would everyone else--) 

 He hiccuped around his tears, a tiny whimper on his lips where words should be. But he didn’t have any. He just closed his eyes and pressed his wet face against his appa’s chest (because even an appa who hated him was still his appa). 

 MARLIN:

 “I love you so much, baby.” Mu-yeol said, clutching Nemo right as he buried his face in his chest. “That will never change.”

 Even if his son did something as disgusting as associate with such an affront to nature as a vampire. That still didn’t make him any less perfect. 

 “You can cry for your broken heart, Nam-minnie. That’s okay. It won’t take one night to fall out of love with someone.” Even that...thing. “But don’t cry because you think that I could ever stop loving you.”

 Mu-yeol blinked as a few stray tears rolled down his cheeks and he pressed a kiss to Nemo’s forehead. God, it hurt to not be able to take all of his pain away. Or to reverse his son ever coming into contact with that vampire. It was the only reason his son ever thought that his Appa could hate him. 

 “Rest, Nemo. Sh, it’s okay.” He whispered, rubbing Nemo’s back. Quietly, he began to hum the tune of an old Korean song that he’d sung to Nemo since he was born. 

 NEMO: 

He knew the song.

 The song existed in some of Nemo’s earliest memories. With his eyes closed, it summoned other tiny things to the front of his mind, and these things bloomed gently: fingers stroking through his hair, the smell of honeydew and green tea (his eomma smelled like that), soft blankets and Nemo’s stuffed toy robin. He couldn’t remember Eomma singing it exactly, but he knew that once, she did. In most of the memories though, it was Appa’s soft, low voice, just like now. 

 He could pretend he was a tiny fledgling again, light as a feather, small as an acorn. That Nemo didn’t know anything about heartbreak. The only love Nemo knew was his abeoji’s love, as big as the sky, as warm as the sun. 

 Slowly, his uneven breaths smoothed out, grew deeper, longer. 

 Slowly, his stream of tears turned into a trickle. He sniffed. He was just so, so tired… 

 He felt the blanket lifted over his shoulders, heavy and warm. It was the only thing he could feel now. The rest of him was numb, but numb was good, he could fall into it and to the song and just for a few hours, not think… 

 Nemo drifted off to sleep, his eyebrow furrowed as if he was having a bad dream. But sleeping, nevertheless. 

[rossetteaaaaang]

Pinagtagpo pero di tinadhana

A story about two lovers that who fall and break for a reason. Trisha's pov I was in the middle of thinking about something, when my eyes got stuck in a man who's laughing with his friends. He got a shining eyes, pointed nose and dark but nice skin. I was never been this amazed with a man. I got choke with my own saliva when his eyes met mine, I immediately busy myself with the food in the table. I heard them laugh, after a minute it became silent so I slowly look at the stand where they are staying and they're gone, I took a deep breath. I was never been this nervous in a guy before. 'Oh, I've been staying here for 4 hours already pfft.' This place really got my attention. I love the designs and their food also. I don't know, there is something here that made me want to always go back. By the way I am here in Yoo-hoo restaurant. When I am bored in the house, I always go here. Well, I do really nothing haha. I don't have friends because I'm just new here. I stayed in Newyork for about 7 years. My mom told me that this is her hometown in Cagayan de Oro city. Well, it is nice here though. 'Kringggg kringgg' 'Oh, my mom' I answered. 'Hello mom?' 'Where are you!' She yelled in the phone. I close my eyes real hard. Here we go again. '*sigh* mom, I didn't go far okay? I'm just here at--' she interrupted what I was about to say. 'I know, you're at that restaurant again. How many times do I need to tell you that, stop going there huh?' She yelled. I really don't know why mom hate this place. It is nice and so comfortable to stay with. 'Okay okay whatever. I'm going. Mygad mom I'm already 22 yet you're still--' okay fine she ended up the call. When she knew that I was always going in that restaurant she became the beast that I didn't know she'll become pfft I mean, she's so angry that night and when I will ask her why she just always telling me not to ask anymore. Whatever, old woman now a days *rolled my eyes* 'Hey mom' I said and then kissed her forehead. 'You spoiled brat did y--' I cut her off 'Yes mom yes sorry okay?' Im here at my bed searching something, scrolling through my news feed and suddenly someone add me. 'Hmm, Troy Gabriel huh. How come he knew me? That's weird' by the way, he's the guy who I described earlier hmm. [Troy Gabriel have one message] 'Omg?' TG: [You changed a lot wow. You look like a Goddess] huh? Did he know me before? [Excuse me, if you wouldn't mind. Did we met before? You seem so familiar.] TG: [secret] what? So annoying, so I just seen the message. TG: [Heeeeey? You there?] [You're always be my seenderella] [I'm not yours] I replied TG: [hmm] Troy Gabriel POV I missed her so much. But, it seems she didn't know me. I still love her. In those 7 years that we're apart. My love didn't change a bit. That's why when I saw her in our favorite restaurant, my heart skipped a bit. Is there a chance that, she still love me? 7years ago (flashback) 'Hey babe, where do you want to go hmm?' I asked. 'Anywhere babe as long as I'm with you.' She said and then she hold my hand. 'How sweet pftt happy 5th anniversary babe' I said then kissed her forehead. 'Happy 5th years of being enemy babe' she said then laugh. What a beautiful view. I stared at her beautiful face. I can't imagine my life without her. I just love her so much and I will do everything for her. 'Let's go?' She said. 'Hmm' I nodded. We just keep on talking, laughing about anything while I am driving. We decided to go to Palawan. Then suddenly a large truck came our way. I tried my best to get away but I lost control. The next thing I knew I woke up in the hospital bed. 'Hey gab thank God you're awake.' My mom said while teary eyes. 'Mom? Where's Trisha? Is she okay? I want to see her--' I said and then when I was about to stand up she stopped me. 'Darling, im sorry but--' 'But what mom! I need to see her' I shouted I can't explain the feeling. 'Her mother decided to bring her in newyork okay? I'm sorry darling but she is unconscious she needs to be treated there. She needs a good doctor.' I cried while hearing those words. Its my fault, its all my fault. 'How many days I was sleeping?' 'One  month gab' she replied. It was really bad, huh. I will never forgive myself if something bad happened to her. After 1month and 3days I'm finally discharged in the hospital. I called her many times but I can't contact her. I chatted her in all social media accounts but I didn't get any response, so I went to their house. I press the doorbell many times but no one appeared. Even their maid was (wala). Is it that bad? I need to see her really. When I was about to go, someone park a car. I was so excited maybe it was her. But when I saw that its her mother and there's no  Trisha appeared. I immediately run to her mom and asked her where Trisha is. 'Tita where's Trisha? Is she okay? Tita I'm really sorry I did--' she stopped me. 'From now on you need to start your life without her. She doesn't need you anymore. She is okay without you. Your just putting her in danger! And she doesn't deserved someone like you. She lost her memory and its all your fault. As a consequence I will not let her know you.' 'wha-t? What are you saying tita? We promised each other! Where is she? Tell me Tita please tita' I kneel down begging for her to tell me where my Trisha is. 'I don't like you for her. She don't have future in you now go away' she said then went to their house.' (End of flashback) I tried my best to move on and forget about her. Even if it is so hard. But, I need to, for myself and for the people who still needs me. I smoke, I drink liquor everyday to forget her. I always go to the bar. I tried many girls. But there is no change. Its still her. 'Argg' I punch the punching bag real hard. I'm here at my mini gym. I saw her! And all of my anger were gone. I just want to ran to her and hug her tightly. My seenderella I missed her. That's why I searched for her social media accounts and then I found out that she has new account and then I added her. Gladly she accepted it. I will make her fall in love with me again.. Trisha's POV 'Hays, what am I gonna do here' I'm bored. [Someone's calling] 'Hmm who's this?' I answered. 'Hello?' 'Hey shang, where are you?' 'Who's this? And why did you know my nickname?' 'Long story shang hahaha' he replied. 'Wth? And where did you get my number? And who's this!?' 'Chill shang its me gab' 'Gab? The one who chatted me last night? Wth? Are you a stalker or what?' 'Of course not! You putted your number in your fb account.' Hmm ahh yeah I did. 'Ahh okay. What do you need?' 'Lets date hmm just a friendly date.' 'Are you insane? What if you're killer or what? I still didn't remember anything from the past and then I'll be dead no way.' I said hysterically. 'Hey, chill there seenderella. Do I look like a killer? Pftt and wait? What are you talking about, the past?' 'Never mind.' I said. No one should know it. Mommy told me that I'll start my life with something new. But sorry to say this that I really want all my memories to comeback and I will do everything I can to have it. 'Come on seenderella. Its on me. You don't have to bring money. My treat. Besides I'm really bored right now and hungry also. Come on.' Hmm, should I trust him? Well, I'm bored also. Okay, I'll just bring my pepper spray. 'Okay, where?' 'Yes! Uhm *clears throat* sorry. Where do you want to go?' He asked. 'What? Why me? You're the one who planned this out so you should be the one to decide where.' 'Okay what ever. Let's go in Mega mall. I'll pick you up' he said. Hmm okay he'll pick me up-- wait what? 'What did you say? Hey did you know where---' he ended up the call. What ever dude. Its your problem anymore. After 20 minutes.. 'Trisha there's a guy waiting for you outside' yaya maling said. 'Okay yaya thankyou.' It is him? He is really a stalker. How come he knew my nickname and then our house? I get my bag and then went out. I saw him beside his car. Hmm he's really handsome though. But I don't like him. Its just that there's something in him that makes me comfortable. 'Let's go?' He said while having a big smile in his face. 'How did you know our address huh? You're really a stalker' 'I have many source pftt. And this kind of face? Stalker? Really seenderella?' He said while smirking. 'What ever dude let's go' he is about to open the door for me when I stopped him. 'I'm not disabled I can do it by myself' 'I'm just trying to be a gentleman here. Attitude ka siszt?' 'Well I don't need it.' I said. 'Woah, chill there. Okay fine.' He said then went to his spot. [We arrived at the mall] 'Let's watch movie?' 'Sure, you said awhile ago you're hungry? Are we not gonna eat up first?' 'Your hungry also? Oh, okay sure. Lets go.' 'Not really, its you' 'oh so you're concern now?' Our day spent well. We enjoyed it well. Days passed being like that. We don't have days that we're not together. We always bond, eat foods and going everywhere. Until one day, we went to Palawan. I remembered this.. 'Ah, my head hurts.' 'What? You okay? What happened?' I stared at him for a long time. 'I  finally remember everything.' Gab' POV 'What? You can now recognized me babe?' Teary eyes as I said to her. 'Yes babe' she said while crying 'Sorry babe' she added. 'Hey, its okay. No don't cry please. Thank God you finally remembered me.' I said while hugging her. 'Let's go to the hospital. You need to be checked babe.' 'Sure' she said. I was so happy finally. [2years later.] Trisha's POV Since I remembered everything. Everything seems to be perfect. Mom and I have talk and I forgive her. Also Mom and Gab. But something's went wrong to Gab. He changed. I don't know. He's always telling me that he's busy. Every time I planned out a date. He always refused. I need to ask him. I'm confused. [Calling gab...] 'Hey babe? Where are you' I asked. 'At house why?' 'Come here please let's talk. I need to ask something from you.' 'Sure, I need to tell you something as well, Trish.' He said. Trish? Is he mad? I'm nervous. [Minutes later] 'Hey babe, you're here.' 'Yeah' he replied. 'What do you want? Juice coffee?' I asked. 'No need. Let's talk about the main reason why I'm here.' 'Oh, okay' 'Now, ask' he said I sigh 'Gab? What's wrong with you? Do you still love me? Did I do something stupid again? Are you mad?' He close his eyes hard. 'Sorry Trish' he said. Tears start flowing down my face. 'So-sorry-- what? What Gab?' 'Let me explain first Trish. Okay? *sigh* I'm sorry. This passt few days I felt nothing anymore. The spark, my feelings were gone. I'm sorry I need to be honest with you. I don't want to hurt you and fake my love.' 'You're already hurting me Gab!' I shouted. It hurts so bad. What happened gab? 'Do you have new? That's why you're like that?' 'No I don't have pshh. I spent the whole two f week to sum up everything, Trish. I'm sorry. I don't know why I ended up this way. I need to find myself first. I'm sorry. Please do take care of yourself.' He said. 'Noooo, Gab please. Let's talk. What happened please' Im down on bended knees. I hug him but he refuse and then he leave. [4months had passed] Those 4 months was hell. I tried to message him but all of his social media account was deactivated. Even in the text I can't send him maybe he blocked me. I didn't have any strength to the point that all the food that I intake, my body refuses it. I tried suicide many times but I guess its still not my time. I t is really sad, that the person we thought to stick with us through thick and thin is already gone not thinking about the promises that they had made, not thinking about the memories that you had build together, the sweetness you had shared and the laugh and happiness you felt when you're still together. It is sad and depressing but you need to move forward for yourself and for the people who love you. I realized that, people come and go into your life but they are either a blessing or a lesson. I trust God and the process. I believed my man was just stock in the traffic. And he is the one who will keep on choosing me everyday even if how hard I am to handle with. And to Gab.. Its been 4months and 19 days since the last time we talked. Hoping you're doing good. Wherever you are right now. I hope that you took all of my advises that I thought you before. Be a better version of yourself. I'm also thankful for the days that I am with you. I experienced to loved and be loved. But I know its just a temporary moment. I'm sorry that I still misses you everyday. But don't worry, I finally accepted everything. I'm sorry for all the wrong decisions that I had made. I wish you all the good things in life though, you left me unattended. Do not rush things if you feel that you're still not ready for doing so, farewell old buddy, till we meet again. Be safe and be happy always. No more hate, no more bitterness. I hope I could tell you these so we can be good friends. But I know things won't turn out the way I wanted it to be. God allowed us to love each other, fall and break for a reason, so be it. Our pains will soon be our testimony that love is somehow isn't all about being together forever. I won't forget you and I will treasure our memories together. Please love your next as much as I loved you before. I guess and I hope that you have found someone better that I am. Thank you for the lesson, babe. Till we meet again.

#Short Story #Creative writing

[ackbang]

tea time for eruriweek ‘18. prompt: enemies to lovers

they had met for the first time on a friday night--erwin’s typical raid night. it had gone like any ordinary night--hange scrambling to find fill ins as some players dropped out last minute. it had been like any other night, except levi had joined and fucking ruined it all.

erwin had learned then to never trust rogues again. 

he yelled at hange after the raid, had to leave the house and go for a drive to blow off steam. how could he have made such a mockery out of this? playing was his release. his activity. his way of dealing with things. and then this fucking night elf rogue piece of shit fucking twat ass mother fucker just stomps on through and doesn’t at all... AT ALL... follow their plans.

fuck rogues.

apparently levi hadn’t been delivered the message that following friday. he appeared again in their group, and erwin whispered angrily at hange asking what the fuck he was doing there. “he’s going through some shit right now man just chill,” hange wrote back.

erwin festered. he quipped snarky messages at levi the entire night whenever he messed anything up to the point that hange had to tell him to cut the shit or they’d kick him out. he tried to behave, until levi started to whisper lines of backstreet boys songs at him, and consequently, being a thorn in the raid’s side once again.

erwin was kicked out.

the weeks continued until finally levi was invited to their discord channel. apparently the rogue had solidified a place within their ranks, and with it, a seat among the commune of online friends. erwin was in the voice chat when he heard the harsh barking of a laugh coming from a screenname he didn’t recognize.

“who’s grabasnickers?” erwin asked.

“i dunno, but i might run and hide if you scream my name.”

erwin was kicked out of the voice chat.

levi was an annoyance, a nuisance, but then one day he did something remarkable. he played right, and he played well. he saved erwin during a critical moment in battle, allowing him to heal the tank that, in the end, saved all their asses. it was the first completely successful raid in weeks with this makeshift group of misfits, and erwin, being the bigger man, whispered at levi to thank him.

levi: np

erwin: no seriously, thank you. maybe i have misjudged you.

levi: it’s just a game, weirdo.

the self imposed tension started to alleviate after that. erwin responded to levi in the chats, even struck conversation with levi in the voice chats, and they quickly became the pair that stole and derailed the conversations from the rest of the group.

erwin sent the friend invite first.

erwin: hey. thanks for accepting my request.

levi: whatever. you aren’t as uptight as i thought you were. still p uptight tho

erwin: hahah. well, thank you.

talking to levi became a regular thing. erwin asked levi if he wanted to quest together when the new expansion dropped, and levi agreed. they spent the entire weekend void of sleep and beat the expansion in record time. erwin’s voice was hoarse from laughing and talking for so long, and he went to bed that night afraid that he might actually feel something for that little rogue night elf.

work was just a way to pay the bills now. getting home to spend the night talking to levi gave him a new purpose outside of his routine. they stayed up until the early morning talking, even after they had logged off the game. levi gave him his phone number. they started texting. erwin got the courage to send him a selfie at a very particular angle, one that showed just his shoulders and up and made his nose look reasonably sized. levi returned with a darkly cropped selfie where erwin could only see a pair of tired eyes in a sea of black.

erwin definitely, completely, and totally had a crush.

the discord chat’s secret santa came around, and erwin managed to get paired with levi. he spent three times as long shopping for levi as he did the rest of his friends and family, despite it having to be restricted to twenty dollars. he waited anxiously for levi to receive the package, until he finally got a text message three days before christmas.

levi: wth

erwin: what’s up?

levi: why did you send me a candy pooping unicorn?

erwin: do you not like it?

levi: you’re disgusting

erwin: you love it.

levi: sure we’ll go with that

a few minutes pass.

levi: thank you

several months pass, and memorial day hits. erwin hasn’t taken a vacation in almost two years--or at least one that didn’t involve leaving the state. erwin got the wild idea some time ago of visiting levi. he staved off of asking--he’d never met anyone from online before, and levi wasn’t particularly the type of person to hang out with much of anybody from what he had told erwin. but talking to levi hurt his heart too much, not being able to see or touch him, see him smile, watch the way he eats, how he would tuck the hair behind his ear... he wanted to see it. to be there.

“i don’t know if this is weird...”

“oi, just spit it out, dumbass.”

erwin chuckled, rubbed his eye with his index finger and shook his head at his screen. “i have some vacation time coming up. i’m not sure what to do--would i be able to maybe... would you...” the words caught, and normally he was so composed. “can i...”

“erwin.”

“can i visit you?”

the silence was deafening, and erwin kept his eyes on the clock. only a minute passed, but it felt like an eternity. “i live with my mom.”

erwin breathed out a laugh. “oh.”

“i mean...”

“i can just...”

“i don’t think she’d care.”

“i can stay at a hotel nearby.”

“that’s dumb. i’ll ask if you can stay here.”

erwin rubbed at his forehead, tried to dash away radical fantasies of kissing levi, touching him, making love to him. they were just friends, what the fuck was he thinking those things anyway? “only if you want...”

“i don’t see why not.”

they solidify the plans. levi’s mom doesn’t care, as he had said. erwin loaded the car and embarked on the longest roadtrip he’d ever taken alone--five hours and three states away. he made it to levi’s house and parked in the driveway next to levi’s mother’s car. he rested his forehead on the steering wheel and curbed a panic attack that he hadn’t had since he started talking to levi. he was about to start the car again and turn right back around, until he heard a knock on his car window. he startled and looked out the window, wide-eyed and terrified like a deer in headlights.

levi waved at him.

erwin gasped in.

he was much shorter than he thought he’d be.

“you comin’ in or...”

erwin sealed his lips, smiled, and nodded. it was now or never. “yeah,” he shouted through the window.

he regretted everything. sending the friend invite. talking to levi all these months. sending him that stupid fucking unicorn. he hated his crush, he hated how levi, in all his hobbit-sized glory, was exactly what he never knew he wanted.

and levi was going to be disgusted in him.

he stepped out of the car and kept his right side close to the car.

“do you need help with your stuff?” levi asked.

“n-no, i can handle it. i--”

“oh.” erwin looked down at levi who was staring at the empty sleeve of his right arm. the damned secret that erwin never told anybody online; one he definitely didn’t want to tell levi, and now he felt like a damn fool for being too afraid to. levi seemed to be moving through many thoughts before finally landing on: “you’re a lot taller than i thought you’d be.”

and that was the moment erwin fell in love with levi.

the long weekend with levi and his mother was a treat. levi showed erwin around his hometown, even paid for their movie that he had jokingly called a “date”, and erwin so badly wanted it not to be. levi filled the space on his right side like he was always meant to be there. he tried to burn the feeling in his mind along with the soft smiles and the hiccuping laugh and the way that he always smelled like fresh detergent.

the last night, they spent on the couch, like a pair of teenagers despite being in their early thirties. levi leaned into erwin’s left side, and erwin lifted his arm and wrapped it around levi’s shoulders.

“i hate this movie,” levi mused.

erwin chuckled. “we don’t need to keep watching it.”

levi snuggled deeper into erwin’s side. “nah.”

erwin smiled and squeezed his hand against levi’s bicep.

the next day, erwin packed up his car and stood before levi, a heavy weight dragging his heart into the pit of his stomach. he couldn’t remember the last time he had this much fun, and he knew, without a doubt, he was going to miss the fuck out of levi.

“thank you for having me.”

“thanks for coming.”

awkward silence.

“i--” they say at the same time.

“we can--” they say again, like a terrible sitcom.

“let me know when you get home,” levi said, bringing the string of his hoodie to his mouth, as he did when he was nervous, erwin had discovered.

“yes, of course,” erwin said, edging his fingers under the car door handle.

“and uh,” levi swayed and moved in toward erwin. “it was... nice having you.” 

“maybe i can do it again sometime?” erwin smiled softly.

levi’s voice was low. he nodded once. “that’d be cool.”

erwin opened the car door and stepped one foot in before levi took his arm and tugged. “i... wait.”

erwin paused. “what is it, levi?”

“i...” levi looked away, his neck shrinking more into his hoodie, a dusting of pink capturing his cheeks. “i dunno... what... i just... fuck.” he breathed out. erwin stood straight. “i’ve never liked anybody before.” levi said so quietly it was nearly inaudible. but erwin caught every word, and felt them in his own throat. “and i think... i...”

erwin put his hand on levi’s shoulder, bowed his head and pressed his lips firmly to levi’s cheek. he breathed in the cleanness of his hair, the smell of his shaving cream, the warmth of his skin. his heart railed in his chest and it nearly breakout and onto the ground to die like a fish. he couldn’t believe he was doing this... he couldn’t...

levi moved his head, looked hesitantly into erwin’s eyes, eyebrows upturned in fear, as he clumsily met his lips to erwin’s, puckered and nervous and quick. levi retreated, putting one hand up to his face, his whole body shaking as he breathed out. “sorry, i’m sorry. fuck. what the fuck.”

the feeling of levi had smacked erwin upside the head, and he tried to gather his own breath. “w.. what? for what?” erwin reached out and put his hand on levi’s shoulder again. “i like you too.” he smiled. “you’re fine. thank you.”

levi looked up at him, his oversized hoodie making him look smaller than he already was. “you sure?”

“i’ve never been more certain.”

“i’m not...”

“may i have another? for the road?” the grin hadn’t dissolved.

levi looked at erwin, then at his lips, and nodded. he leaned in and kissed again, still awkward, but they were softer now, and god, erwin was on cloud 9 even after it ended. “d... drive safe.”

“thank you,” erwin said, stepping one leg into the driver’s seat again. he looked up at levi once he was seated. “i’ll see you soon?”

“yeah,” levi nodded, smiling now, toothy and just criminally adorable. “yeah yeah. get the fuck outta here.”

“aye aye.” erwin closed the door, started the car, and backed out of the driveway. he stopped the car to safely wave at levi before driving off. 

and for five hours he relived every moment of his trip with a smile on his lips.

[stargazermuse]

Whelp, starter call in a bad place?

Whelp. I’m in a bad place right now. My dad comes home from work. Makes a joke about me not cooking (long story) I joke back and he blows up on me, saying that I’m full of shit and don’t want to blame myself so I blame someone else (don’t know how this ended even being about me but whatever).

So I get up and go to my room, trying to keep myself together and stay the hell away from him cause I think he’s just in a bad mood from work. He heads to bed and comes to tell me goodnight and starts going on “so you’re mad that I’m right?” I try to talk to him and say that I didn’t mean anything by it and he blows up on me again.

My mom doesn’t even defend me.

I’m not blaming my mom at all but I’m already dealing with a lot. I just graduated college so I’m struggling to find an actual job while getting one day a week from my job that I’ve been at four years. And not only are they pestering me about it, they’re pestering me about getting a boyfriend because my brother just got married and such.

I love my family, so so much, but sometimes I just get so fed up with how I’m treated. One day it’s fine and the next I’m public enemy number one. And I don’t understand why I have to be the one to get hounded on because someone’s having a bad day. It’s not my fault you’re in a bad mood. Don’t take it out on me.

So while I try not to cry myself to sleep and try not to feel down about anything. I’m gonna post a starter out of this?

If you like to roleplay in the riverdale verse, I have Morgan Andrews who would love some people to roleplay wth.

If you’re a Shadowhunter roleplay, Alana wants some roleplay partners as well.

Amara and Dillon both want some marvel rp partners!!

And Athena’s just gonna hitch a ride in whatever fandom!

So if you like to roleplay with me, I’d greatly appreciate it! get me out of this mindset that I don’t want to be in. Just comment with the muse you want and I’ll generate a starter!

Thanks guys! And I understand if you’d rather not. I’ve gotten that a lot recently as well.

[so-very-small]

I feel like I missed out on the birth of the Pep. WTH IS A PEP AND CAN GIANTS DO IT TOO?

OK HERE WE GO

it started with this post where i asked my (non-g/t-fan) gf what the new g/t meme should be, and in her sleep deprived haze she said ‘pep’

some people started using pep as a sound, a verb, a way of life

also if you’re a fan of pep ur automatically at war with the other factions that sprung up in pep’s wake, which are: pew, peep, and pip. plep is okay though. we have a small peace treaty with plep. pew is the number one enemy.

so far pep has been a tiny thing but i am 100% for giants pepping feel free to pep away. if u wind up pepping or anything or making posts about it pls tag me in em

also if u want to see all the memes heres the pep tag

Pep is Love, Pep is Life