#slay my 18 year old self

[happiest-creature]

happy caturday to everyone from me with this 2019 pic

[sm-baby]

MASTERPOST - Piece by Piece ♟️

NEW MASTERPOST DROPPED!! The name is subject to change~ don't worry~

Characters:

Meet Mei-lyn!

Rolandus!

Meet The King and Queen!

Queen (Pre-evolved)

Meet Councilwoman Mars!

Meet Mr. Weiss!

World Building:

Cards and Chess pieces!

Card personalities

Different species!

Evolution Guide

And yes, they evolve like pokemon.

Black Chess pieces

Black and White kingdom

Time frame

SILLIES!!!:

Yes, Mei-lyn gets paid well

SLUTSHAMING!!!

Dont talk to me until I had my coffee

Morning entertainment

no bitches! 🎉🎊

oh shi character ai

HONK!!!

Little Fuckface Shithead

Human centipede🎶

Party Tension (oopsies!!!)

Give my girl a break

╔══ ❀•°❀FAQ❀°•❀ ══╗

" How old is Mei-Lyn?" - Mei Lyn is 23 years old! Started working for the king and queen at 17, got the cock-blocking job at 18. " How tall is the cast?" - MAN... HEIGHTS ARE A HEADACHE... I DON'T WANNA THINK ABOUT THAT "Will we ever see a black king and queen?" - They come when they come! I don't think they'll be any time soon though. " Do the King and Queen have an heir?" - Naur, though they know that they'd have to at some point. Either way, they'd be very neglectful parents.

"Did the Queen and King love eachother?"

- Bro was a cheater from the beginning and the queen knew damn well. That did NOT stop her from marrying him and becoming queen tho. She's greedy and wants power.

"Why is Weiss' sister a black chess piece?'

- Weiss is mixed!

" Are black chess pieces african coded?"

- Nope! Black/White chess peices are a secondary ethnicity. There are white chess peices that are african coded.

" Can I rizz up Mei-lyn?" - Mei-lyn doesn't believe in true love. She's uncommitted and will leave you at the altar.

╔══ ❀•°❀BOUNDERIES❀°•❀ ══╗

"Can I make OCs In PTP?" - Yess!! Multiple people already have and they make me so happy! do whatever, as long as you're happy and having fun!! " Can I make NSFW?" - Yas and slay! Just keep Mei-lyn out-- she was originally a sona and-- while I'm detached from her enough to not take the simping personally, NSFW would still make me uncomfortable. - Other than that, everyone else (WHO IS LEGAL AND NOT PROSHIPPED) should be free! Please just be sure to tell and spoiler it, etc. etc. be responsible when posting NSFW! " Can I make Fanfics?" - - Yes and please show me!! That would be lovely!! " Can I ship the characters/self ships/ OC x Canon?" - Same as NSFW! Everyone is free but Mei-lyn! Though I find one-sided crushes and the simping endearing and funny (PROSHIPPING IS ABSOLUTELY NOT ALLOWED.)

" Gender and sexualitie headcanons?" - I don't like labels. All my characters are straight until said otherwise-- and I am uncomfortable with people headcanoning my OCs with genders and sexuality. I wish to have control over that. - Though, I'm flattered with mlm/wlw OC x canon shipping with the OCs! That's different in my brain for some reason!

[steveharrington]

21 & 22 also hi i'm a big fan

hi so nice to meet my supporters

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

hmmm there’s so much to choose from… this is weird but i’m gonna say like. character deaths. i feel like people vastly overestimate and exaggerated how sad these deaths supposedly are and i’m NOT saying this to be edgy and i DO think some of them are really sad okay like. the first couple hit!!! benny and barb and bob all make me emotional even if barb’s actual death scene does make me laugh bc they literally interspersed clips of her dying with stancy fucking which is hard to take serious. but like i cannot for the life of me relate to people who are sad alexei died. who are sad chrissy died. even eddie’s actual death scene is so hollow and forced to me that the scene itself doesn’t make me sad in the slightest and i Only get emotional thinking about the hypothetical feelings of the other characters, which we didn’t even get to see!!! ppl will inevitably be sad when the designated Born To Die character in s5 dies. i feel like st saw how much barb and bob affected people and they were like oh let’s do that every season then! but barb was sad because she was nancy’s childhood best friend and we spent a lot of time examining nancy’s grief over it, bob was sad because he offered hope for joyce that she could have a safe and stable life and his death was like ripping away her last shred of hope. alexei and chrissy to me aren’t developed or integral to the story nearly enough for me to be sad that they’re dead i’m SORRY

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

ugh lucas’ storylines……s1 baby lucas so intent on getting his missing friend back that he goes to stake out a government lab BY HIMSELF and struggles to trust an outsider who he instinctively blames for the horrors until he empathizes with her and ultimately becomes her bestie…..s2 lucas developing feelings for max but literally being threatened and eventually attacked by her 18 year old racist brother and STILL making sure max knows that she’s a separate person who he cares about…..s3 lucas slaying bc that’s kinda all they let him do that season…….s4 lucas hoping he can thrive in high school and start a new chapter where he can feel socially accepted and kinda make a path for himself with a new interest but now max won’t talk to him and he’s worried about her and terrified for her wellbeing and no matter how much he tries to communicate this to her she continues to self isolate until finally his love for her is LITERALLY what saves her fucking life and also one of his friends dies horribly and it’s only given like 2 seconds of attention even though he’s clearly affected by it. god. all of lucas’ story arcs are so rich and compelling and no one ever wants to talk about him!!!!!!!!!

[daily-coloring]

Best of 2024 - Albums

Average year, I haven't even rated any records 100 out of 100 on AOTY, which is sad. Anyway I had some DJ mixes on repeat all year around, for example Shygirl's Fabric mix which is so heavy and so groovy, perfect for driving. Also maybe because I visited Berlin twice this year, this Boiler Room mix gave me goosebumps. Another few also ridiculously good, like SG Lewis & Tove Lo's San Francisco mix, Andre VII's Mexico mix, Miss Monique's DJ Mag mix, the brilliant MAW's live mix from Johannesburg and my recent favorite, Jojo Lorenzo from the states, who made this great darkwave mix last month for Halloween.

But now lets jump onto the albums. Just as an interesting fact, from the top 50 I seen live 6 artists. Yeah, I've been going out a lot. Also went to YES! (my most favorite place in Manchester) to see Clementine Douglas before she even released her debut album. She was fantastic.

01. The Irrepressibles - Yo Homo! - "Diving more into personal narratives now more than ever, the new album focuses on deeply emotional songwriting from such a specific point of view that’s not really touched upon much in the music industry - a complete breath of fresh air that I’ve taken to instantly. Yo Homo relays this punk rebellious sound throughout that unashamedly projects a call for proudness and authenticity, a love letter to the openess surrounding sexuality." - Wilder Records

02. Allie X - Girl With No Face

03. Lola Young - This Wasn't Meant For You Anyway - "Lola Young’s fierce, funny and assertive songs run on outsized emotions, the 23-year-old singer emboldened and finally embracing everything she has to offer. ‘This Wasn’t Meant For You Anyway’, Young’s first full-length album, moves with an auteur-like touch to its production; opulent soul set pieces stand tall next to raw, scratchy indie tunes, all of which see the south Londoner face desire in its many complications. It’s a collection that feels equally empowered and tormented. Or, as one Instagram commenter put it, this is music that could make a listener “want to pick up a refrigerator and throw it”." - NME

04. Fontaines D.C. - Romance

05. Tsatsamis - Our Shame

06. Orla Gartland - Everybody Needs a Hero

07. Nadine Shah - Filth Underneath -"Songs of loss and confusion, ‘Filthy Underneath’ is also marked by a certain kind of certainty. It’s as though amid all this pain, all this negativity, Nadine Shah has found herself once more." - Clash

08. Lanark Artefax - Metallur

09. Mahmood - NEI LETTI DEGLI ALTRI

10. Beth Gibbons - Lives Outgrown

11. Kasper Bjorke - Puzzles

12. Nicolas Jaar - Piedras 1

13. ionnalee - CLOSE YOUR EYES

14. Jamie xx - In Waves

15. Andre Bratten - Slay Tracks

16. The Smile - Cutouts - "It is an immersive and all-encompassing record that is at its best when you play it loud, allowing all of the vast textures of sound to wash over you. In its quietest moments, the album is still full of beauty, which simmers beneath the surface, beckoning us closer." - Far Out Magazine

17. Kim Gordon - The Collective

18. Telenova - Time is a Flower

19. Rosa Anschutz - Interior

20. Emiliana Torrini - Miss Flower

21. Golda May - Say It Back

22. Michael Kiwanuka - Small Changes

23. Dawn Richard & Spencer Zahn - Quiet in a World Full of Noise - "Here, Richard and Zahn have captured grief like a carved piece of obsidian—glossy, beautiful, and sharp." - Pitchfork

24. Nilufer Yanya - My Method Actor

25. Crystal Murray - Sad Lovers and Giants

26. Joywave - Permanent Pleasure

27. Foushee - Pointy Heights - "Creeping under the thirty-minute mark, ‘Pointy Heights’ is full of thrills, a conceptual body of work that makes each moment count. In doing so, Fousheé continues to earn her stripes as a vocalist driven by self-expression, stitching together her intrigue for the past, present and future." - Clash

28. Crazy P - Any Signs of Love

29. Porches - Shirt - "On his heaviest, spikiest album to date, Aaron Maine’s shredded production and raw arrangements evoke existential angst and quotidian despair." - Pitchfork

30. Rachel Chinouriri - What a Devastating Turn of Events

31. Kaleida - In My Arms

32. Erika De Casier - Still

33. NewDad - MADRA

34. Dua Lipa - Radical Optimism

35. Laura Masotto - The Spirit of Things

36. Smerz & Allina - Allina

37. DJ Cam - Broken Melancholy

38. 1010benja - Ten Total - "On his chic, adventurous, hybrid-pop debut, Benjamin Lyman is a world-weary optimist and DIY maximalist with a voice fit for the mainstream yet made for the arthouse." - Pitchfork

39. Polar Inertia - Environment Control

40. IDLES - TANGK

41. Psycho Weazel - boysdontcry

42. The Blessed Madonna - Godspeed

43. L.A. Suzi - Nem sírok, csak táncolok

44. Lime Garden - One More Thing

45. St. Vincent - All Born Screaming

46. Gavin Friday - Ecce Homo

47. Lihla - Socha

48. WILLOW - empathogen - "Throughout the record, she seems committed to tearing down barriers between her potential audiences, just as she enjoys pitting their tastes against each other." - Sputnikmusic

49. Gossip - Real Power - "If you like a bit of retro with a modern twist and music that can both grab your heart and kick your teeth in, I’d give Real Power a listen… possibly whilst eating a Freddo whilst you can still afford one." - XS Noise

50. Jespfur - Pedestrians of Bright Silence

[justafriend-ql]

Thai BL Favorites List Tag Game

thank you to the lovely @firstkanaphans for tagging me! the original prompt list was created by @thatgirl4815. let's get into it!

(note: i'll try my best to not make this entire list about never let me go, but you know who i am)

favorite bl: never let me go (nobody is surprised) it's unique, innovative, the first gmmtv bl series based on an original script rather than adapted from a novel. the lovechild of cringe 90s thai action dramas and BL tropes that p'jojo flirts with or fucks with depending on how he's feeling. palm and nueng live in my head 24/7 and the cinematography of the series drove me to learn how to make gifs (something i would not recommend you do if you value your freetime lol)

favorite pairing: palmnueng :) power imbalance, social expectations, and simmering sexual tension that all breaks loose at the seashore. duty turned to devotion and loneliness turned to love. two 18-year-olds whose life circumstances couldn't be more different yet find mirror images of their own insecurities and lack of self-worth in each other. clinging onto each other only to let go in the name of love. but always returning to each other, their other half, their soulmate. literally everything i could ever want in a pair. bonus: they kiss each other like they actually want to.

most underrated actor: sing! he's great in comedic roles (had me wheezing with laughter in unidentified mysterious girlfriend). but completely slayed as todd in not me. toddblack scenes make me genuinely sick. i would love to see more of him in dark dramas. also you really just have to respect his dedication. he survived infamous early series like slamdance (he was paired with drake) and put his whole pussy into the puppy play in warp effect.

favorite character: palm pannakorn jannaloy my most beloved boy. breaks my heart and heals it at the same time. he's just such a fundamentally good, kind person. and pretty much nothing in his life makes that easy. eternally self-sacrificing, without much love for himself but so so much love for others. even when they leave him behind. look! the very first gif i ever made was of him - see below and kindly disregard the quality.

favorite side character: pa jindapat out of all the series i've watched, pa is probably the character i relate to the most. that's why she's my pfp! i love her messy buns and glasses and over-sized t-shirts. she just feels very real in all her interactions with pat and her cluelessness about her very big crush on ink. the little tremble in her voice in the dark room scene when she tells ink "i liked it. i liked it so much i thought that i was special to you" makes me tear up. she's funny and she's bold and she holds her ground and i love her. very much.

favorite scene: the farewell dance - never let me go, episode 9 there's no dialogue. just music. grief-stricken palm and nueng dancing slowly, somberly in a motel room palm will wake up alone in the next morning. nueng knows he's leaving; deep down, palm probably knows too. their steps slow and palm seeks comfort in a kiss that quickly turns desperate because they're both hurting and the only thing that will numb the pain is each other. the feeling of tears running down palm's face forces nueng to pull away. the look on nueng's face as he wipes palm's tears away is possibly my favorite thing phuwin has ever done. he looks so goddamn heartbroken and guilty, because nueng feels like palm's brokenness is his fault. also one of my favorite performances from pond - and he was in the hospital earlier that day!!

favorite line: "i love you. and i want you to love yourself too." ayan to akk; the eclipse, episode 12, part 1/4. speaks for itself i think.

most anticipated bl and why: dangerous romance although i'm definitely excited for only friends, i have a soft spot for underdogs and this series seems like one (especially if it airs at the same time as only friends). i love perth especially and both chimon and him are crazy talented actors. i hope despite the silly title of the series, the script gives them something good to work with. and i hope that "i hate you" kiss in the rain from the pilot is better in the actual series lmao. the bts photos are making me super excited! also: viewjune let's gooooooo

healthiest relationship in a bl: heartliming these two make me cry. really just the epitome of finding a safe space in another person and providing them with a safe space in yourself. everything about them is beautiful. the amount of effort and care they put into learning how to communicate with each other is incredible. i love that they fight alongside each other. and: "i love it when i'm with him" - sometimes it's really as simple as that.

most toxic relationship in a bl: going to second @firstkanaphans here and say tharntype this almost feels like a cop-out because it's so obvious, but it's true. nothing will ever excuse the things tharn did to type without his consent, and type's internalized and externalized homophobia wasn't dealt with satisfactorily in my opinion. there are good kernels in every story, but the bad overwhelmed the few good ones in this series for me.

guilty pleasure series: love by chance guilty because it's mame and i don't love how aggressive they make ae (the sweetest, gentlest boy) toward the end. to be honest i skipped everything except for the aepete scenes when i watched this so i can't comment on the rest. but i often find myself returning to episode 4, in particular, because ae's feelings realization journey is lovely and soft and seeing baby perth and saint is always a treat. i liked it enough to gif it, so...

bonus! most underrated series: my only 12% created this bonus category so i can beg you to watch this one if you haven't. trust me and suffer through the bad haircuts and slow burn. i knew it was different from other series when seeiw cries while watching a queer movie with his sister, recognizing his own feelings onscreen, then sneaks downstairs to watch the rest by himself in tears later that night. that experience is so fucking real. this series seared me with its portrayal of the nostalgia and grief of childhood friendships and eventual separation, and the role reversal post-reunion is so well done it makes me insane. i was sobbing in my room at 4am and that's the best review i can give a series.

i had a lot of fun doing this and i hope if you read to this point you got... well, something, out of it. tagging @cankersoregirl @first-kanaphan @feralmuskyscentedhoepran @akkpipitphattana @ayan-sukkhapisit @nongnaos and anyone else who may like to do this!

[vespertin-y]

face it review!! (there's no summary here and i only put in pictures when i needed them to make my point, so this won't make any sense if you haven't read the comic, sorry).

-IM FUCKIF CRYING...this page is the fordliest ford to ever ford. it nails all of his character traits so quickly. if you put ford in a paper shredder and then melted the scraps into new paper this is what would come out.

-obsessed with the choice to have mabel's pages match up exactly with her dialogue while dipper's is. Well. they knew what they were doing.

-mr what's-his-face is a BANGER villain design, perfect balance of intimidating and goofy.

-i enjoy the twins' frenemy relationship with pacifica very much. they're silly...

-dipper being a squeaky sweaty anxious little preteen disaster until mabel is in danger (at which point he Locks The Fuck In) never gets old to me. thats my SON

-the crawlspace is SUCH A GOOD SETTING and if i can't find 1million fanworks about it i will riot i think. ford never finding his way in is very funny and also immediately makes me think of an AU where stan does and promptly becomes a professional at Magic Crime. his years pug trafficking prepared him for this...

-hey. hey. WHAT? there's so many fuckig implications here where do i even start. first of all this is so...obviously corrupt - and yeah, sure, the cult is corrupt, fork found in kitchen, but this isn't even pretending to be in line with their stated mission, goddamn. second of all there's no humans allowed in the crawlspace, which means either the blind eye is employing a nonhuman (INSANE) or they have some sort of agreement with the magical creatures of the town (EQUALLY INSANE). the political maneuverings going on here fascinate me. i need a novel.

-me too bud.

-WAIT WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN PACIFICA'S DAD WON HER MOTHER AS A PRIZE

-WHAT DO YOU MEAN HER MOTHER PASSED THAT HORRIFYING MISOGYNY RIGHT ON DOWN AND TOLD HER SHE WOULD BE UNLOVED IF SHE WASN'T ALWAYS PERFORMING BEAUTY

-HELL WORLD HELL WORLD HELL WORLD

-SOMEONE STEAL THAT CHILD RIGHT THIS MINUTE

-oh hey look further confirmation that ford has absolutely no qualms about imprisoning and experimenting on sentient beings. hash tag mad science slay.

-is...is that marker just under her skin now...? i would say that can't be good for her but between the glitter lung and the regular consumption of Mabel Juice she's probably impervious to any negative side effects that could have.

-speak for yourself, the zombie fight scene was a formative moment for the rest of us

-nnnnot sure how i feel about the conclusion of pacifica's mini-arc here. my advice to a child in her situation would not be 'have fun and be yourself :D✨' it would be 'buckle down, keep your mouth shut, and squirrel away money until you turn 18'. i absolutely get why this disney children's book for children didn't swing for a conclusion that miserable i just fear for the hypothetical safety of this hypothetical child 😭

-i am Deeply Neutral on the dipper/pacifica romance they're pushing. there's not anything wrong with it! and i can see where it's coming from, objectively - of course you would want to ship dipper with the one girl he doesn't see as A Girl™️ - i'm just incapable of caring too much about baby romance. i hope they have fun and hold hands outside the middle school or whatever lmao.

-overall this was a very neat story and definitely one i'll be rereading :] solid and self-contained, but also with lots of fun potential for expansion!

[godsnameisjoy]

30

Date: 23 October 2024

Duration: 49 minutes at 11:22 PM

Depth:

There is much in my everyday living that is beyond my control. It’s a lot more than I think. To assume that I am making a difference for the better by actively participating in our collective living is where I am flawed. It is an egoistic assumption. I’ll try and explain.

In fact, the manner in which I am habitually participating in my living is regularly undoing some of my collected inner peace. I need to be vigilant about these losses because if I am not then there is no way I am growing further inwards. Thankfully, I am aware of the pattern of such regular losses. Also, my gains are greater than my losses. So I am good.

Inner peace doesn’t come until a gradually awakening Kundalini begins affecting the meditator’s head. To wake the kundalini has taken me 2 decades. No assumption held from before the beginning of kundalini’s rise 4 years back, is worth holding on to. Old assumptions sat on psychological furniture that have been long undone by the flow of inner peace.

Even if I was to lose some peace for just a night, the old assumptions are not going to provide me any comfort. They have no place to sit. I now relate to the warrior prince Arjuna who is more than a week into the battle of Kurukshetra. More than 2 decades back, I empathised most with the Arjuna who lay his arms down and refused to apply his archery skills.

Convinced of his divine connection, Arjuna takes up his arms and slays a select few from the enemy camp through the entirety of the battle of Kurukshetra. It’s interesting to note the list of individuals he undoes. The list of individuals who are not killed by Arjuna is equally interesting. Here is a summary of the list from Arjuna’s Wikipedia page.

Battle of Kurukshetra

Day 10: Fall of Bhishma

Day 12: Death of Bhagadatta

Day 14: Death of Sudakshina and Jayadratha

Day 17: Death of Karna

Day 18: Death of Susharma

In God Talks with Arjuna, Paramahansa Yogananda writes a commentary on the Bhagwad Gita. It’s more than a commentary. One can create a things to do list while reading any word by Paramahansa Yogananda. According to Gurudev, Bhishma is the personification of the human ego.

Bhishma-ego is put on a bed of arrows by Arjuna-self control. With psychological furniture gone, egoistic assumptions have no seat. I have laid my egoistic assumptions on a bed of arrows many meditations back. From what I read of Bhagadatta on his Wikipedia page, he sounds like he is the personification of the subconscious. Lots of muscle power.

Day 13 of the battle matters most to Arjuna. On this day, despite Arjuna’s conviction to take up arms, he doesn’t take Bhagwan Krishna’s suggestion for the day to be on another side of the battlefield. Instead of Arjuna, his son Abhimanyu takes the spot. Arjuna chooses to take on Susharma on day 13. Neither Arjuna nor Abhimanyu slay Susharma and Jayadratha respectively. As the epic goes, Abhimanyu dies on day 13.

By day 14, Arjuna kills Sudakshina while getting to Jayadratha. With the help of the miracle of a solar eclipse, Bhagwan Krishna makes it possible for Arjuna to kill Jayadratha. I have spent many mornings writing about Jayadratha. In my opinion, he is the personification of our amygdala-esque responses.

Day 17 and 18 are of my greatest interest this morning. Karna is killed before Susharma. Karna means ‘ear’. He is Arjuna’s half brother. While Arjuna chooses to take Krishna’s counsel, Karna chooses to fulfil Duryodhana’s wants. Arjuna proves to be a better listener than the one named after the ear.

Arjuna’s arrow that kills Karna strikes him in the neck. It’s almost as if our ears prefer sounds over the silencing effects of life energy rising up the neck chakra. And I have spent many blogposts in the last 15 months describing the phenomenon of hearing sounds from within my head.

It’s interesting to note that both Abhimanyu and Karna are with a chariot wheel when they are slain. In my opinion, the symbology of chakra/wheel is the biggest overlap between the battle of Kurukshetra and any literature on kundalini. What comes at the end of Arjuna’s role in the battle of Kurukshetra is the slaying of Susharma.

I understand Susharma as the Great Distractor. How terribly flawed it is of me to think that getting mentally involved in everyday decision making is how I am going to be successful with my to do list for the day. It does seem counter intuitive to achieve one’s greatest potential by giving all of one’s attention to the Great Silence within.

[afaith-forgottenland]

Nothing new.

One of the best song from my all-time favorite songwriter (Taylor Swift).

Taylor just summed up the life of a 22 years old girl, or woman, perhaps? in one song.

They tell you while you're young "Girls, go out and have your fun" Then they hunt and slay the ones who actually do it.

Speak briefly of the sexism often felt by women because we're allowed to have fun as a girl, but by the time we grow and become a woman having fun will cost us to get the unfair criticism.

Lord, what will become of me Once I've lost my novelty?

I'm scared of aging, growing old, or whatever you called it. I used to have sparks and curiosity of things, i tried it wheter i rocked it or failed it, who cares? I was just trying to find what i'm good at and what i'm not. Now? new things scare me, trying to fit in exhaust me. I'm just here in my safe space, doing what familiar and something i can control as a medical student, and mayhaps lost my novelty.

How can a person know everything at eighteen But nothing at twenty-two? And will you still want me When I'm nothing new?

At 18 I've always knew what i wanted to do in life. I could talk all day long about the plans i had. How much i wanted to be a doctor, how much it exhilarated me to learn about the human body systems, how i was so eager to be a university student (lol joke's on me). I thought i'm going to have so much time exploring things and finally free from all the strict rules and monotone type of studying in high school.

But, here i am, 22 years old, four to five years into medschool, boring as ever. If you ask me what i want to do in life, the answer will be a 100% contrary from when i was 18. I'm not as ambitious as i used to be. I just want to finish medschool as soon as possible and have a job, then i can go back to my parents' house, spend more time with my family because for the last 5 years i'm out of town and felt like i lost so much time with them.

My plan to change the world, or what so over isn't here anymore. I'm not down to any youth movements anymore. My only plan is to live a slow life because i have 0 energy left, all these years in medschool has (successfully) drained me.

Sorry if as i grew older i didn't gain anything but lost the sparks i used to have, guess this is the irony of growing up? as in the next lyrics--

How did I go from growing up to breaking down? And I wake up in the middle of the night It's like I can feel time moving

Back then i was so excited to grow up, be an adult, a woman but what i haven't fully comprehend is it will take so much of my happiness to get there. Facing new challenges each day and some of it making me doubt my self, be far away from my family and friends, meet a lot of new people with different characters and temper, which some wears me out. And, here i am go from growing up to breaking down..

I know someday I'm gonna meet her, it's a fever dream The kind of radiance you only have at seventeen She'll know the way and then she'll say she got the map from me I'll say I'm happy for her, then I'll cry myself to sleep

If i have a chance to meet 18 y.o me, i will thank her for having so much enthusiasms for this life, unfotunately, i didn't grow as she wishes me to. I may get older but i'm not any better than her. But she shouldn't be worry because even if i'm not as cheerful as she was, i still am happy and grateful for what i have right now.

[demonslayedher]

Some angsty Shinjuro thoughts

We can only guess how many years it's been since Ruka died based on how old we interpret Kyojuro & Senjuro to be in flashback art (and for that matter we don’t know how old Senjuro is, my best guess is 12 due to his grade level in Kimetsu Academy). We also don't know how dramatic or gradual Shinjuro's decline was, as he was still an active Pillar for many years following Ruka's death.

However, we do know that it has been about eight years since Himejima became a Pillar at age 19 (after having gone through his life changing events at age 18). That would have made him Shinjuro's junior by far in terms of demon fighting experience, but it would had been hard to ignore how fast this formerly skinny kid climbed the ranks due to his absurd strength and keen intuition. In other words, Shinjuro would had been forced to face how unfairly talented this colleague was. Even if he tried to be positive about it, that might had nagged him worse and worse over the years. Other Pillars like Uzui and Kanae clearly blew past that five years it usually takes to become a Pillar, and if we go by the Rengoku Gaiden, even little tiny Shinobu seems to have attained Pillarhood before Shinjuro totally gave up the sword.

Also, it has been roughly nine years since Shinjuro rescued Obanai, which would had required him to travel a long distance by boat (thereby potentially having been away from home for a long time). Based on the fact that he was wearing his haori, we can infer Ruka died while he was away on a mission, so... so, you know, ma-a-a-aybe... ----- EDIT: This posts calls for some tweaking: 1. Shinjuro wasn't necessarily on a mission when Ruka died (I assumed that due to his wearing of the haori and uniform, so I still find it likely), but he told Tanjiro he was already in mental anguish over his own (perceived) incompetence when his beloved wife died, and then he took to the bottle. It's just my assumption (and I am but one fallible nerd on the internet), but I think that Ruka saw him already teetering on the edge of a steep mental slope, and that might have been part of what made her feel she needed to set Kyojuro straight about his priorities (to keep him focused on the substance, saving people, as opposed to the form, swordsmanship). 2. If Obanai was "about 12" (his words) when he met the Snake Demon and was presumably rescued not long after, then Kyojuro would had been about 11, and as @teamfreewill56-blog aptly pointed out, his probably would had been a lot bigger than the age we see in in his flashback with Ruka (though again, we have no record of how old he was in that flashback). If a lot of characters went to the Final Selection around 11~13, then he's probably had a good chunk of time between Ruka's passing and his entering the Corp. So that means Obanai doesn't have to feel bad about his rescuer's wife dying while he was being rescued. Yay, good for Obanai...? Still, it goes to show that Shinjuro fought his own inner darkness for a super long time while stubbornly going on and on to fight on Pillar-level missions. That makes it all the more intriguing to wonder if Shinjuro and shrimpy little Obanai had that boat trip back to the main land together, and if so, how that conversation might had gone which set Obanai on his demon slaying course.

After all, Shinjuro wouldn't had encouraged toward it. The kid was tiny and frail, he'd just die in the Corp. There's no telling how sympathetic or abrasive Shinjuro would had been to this tiny, orphaned victim back them, he could had taken any tone from the reasonable he uses in his letter to Tanjiro to the tone he takes with Senjuro after Kyojuro's funeral. But Obanai? After everything he's just been though, he's got a big dose of self-hatred which has developed (or at least dramatically worsened) overnight, he is no longer capable of living a normal life, and starts to focus all his hatred on demons, only years later feeling a smidge of possibly being a "good person" when he's appreciated for putting his life on the line to save others, but even then being unconvinced on himself having any goodness due to the blood in his veins and on his hands. So, as a child, how did he see Shinjuro? Did he relate to him in his self-loathing? Did he idolize Shinjuro at all for being someone who is actually a good presence in the world? Was he too consumed with everything he had been through to care one way or another about Shinjuro's feelings and spitefully made up his mind to spend the rest of his worthless life slaying demons? Dear universe, please give us more Gaiden and light novels. Sincerely, me, a hopeless fangirl.

[mekatrio]

ok let me list down the most slayest issues for my self reference

issue 3 - adaptation of og teen titans cyborg plotline which is slay

issue 7 - starfire's race w blackfire, always slay when she's here

issue 9:

issue 10: aqualad issue!! i love the issues with the titans east members very much (≧∇≦)

issue 11: terra centric issue :D

issue 12: Extremely good mr mumbo issue that breaks the 4th wall and plays w the comic book medium! very very fun

issue 14: speedy centric 😎

issue 15: kwiz kid, kitten, and killer moth are very fun here hehe

issue 18: VERY GOOD issue with more 4th wall breaking, this time with a particular focus on the chibis!! this issue is so great 😭

issue 20: injustice the video game issue

issue 24: SUPER EPIC AWESOME ISSUE featuring a powerswap!!! has this gem:

issue 28: beast boy backstory 🥺 soooo so cute

issue 30: issue with the EXTREMELYYYY GORGEOUS ART.... like oh my godd the linework and coloring in the first section is so amazing, and the environmental design of the second section is just incredible!!!!

im so sad there were done by guest artists bc i would have loved more issues in these artstyles.... T_T

issue 31: the issue with the time paradox that broke poor 15 year old me's brain 😭 also hi nightwing

issue 34: very cute crossover issue where kid flash races mas y menos :3 also on a sidenote i love how kid flash looks in tt2003's artstyle, its so nice for a character to have robin's proportions but not his face as well (speedy, kwiz kid, etc...)

issue 36: DONNA TROY ISSUE AKA BEST ISSUE IN THE WORLD!!! also just a big ol homage to the Original original teen titans which is just great (not wolfman's titans, the OG ones)

issue 37: extremely adorable christmas issue 🥺

issue 39: very cute and fun valentine's day issue, also DONNA TROY APPEARANCE YIPEEEEEE

issue 40: the first section is a very fun villain pov plotline.... and the second is.... thunder and lightning. ok. at least it has nice guest art tho

issue 41: Epic girl-centric girlboss issue

issue 43: has this MASTERPIECE of a cover... i remember it being my phone background as a kid 😭

issue 44: a well written raven centric issue where she willingly chooses to keep the part of her that is trigon 🥺

issue 45: beast boy and cyborg origins! featuring a justice league cameo lmao

issue 46: oh these last few issues are extremely good.... starfire's long lost brother + blackfire closure! this one really shouldve been its own episode

also baby starfire is so cute T_T

issue 47: very sad robin backstory angst.... featuring a gross batman cameo lmfao

issue 48: SUPERRRR good issue omfg, features an atlernate universe where the titans are evil, its so so great and fun. the alt universe designs are soooo good. also this page itself is amazing

issue 49: issue with slade the fucking loser, and also rose!!! extremely slay.

issue 50: another fun crossover issue with THIS masterpiece of a cover 😭

(nauck's pencils and stucker's inking is just so incredible 😭😭😭)

issue 51: yeah man these last few issues are really just storylines that shouldve been episodes but they couldnt afford to adapt into episodes. its alright tho bc at least they are comics! anyways, terra centric! another long lost sibling episode, and proper closure on terra's storyline <3

issue 53: cute bb flashback story.... and some kid flash and jynx closure :3

issue 54: talk about a last fucking minute appearance.... anyway i love the interaction between the two wonder girls so much. so so fun and i wish it was animated

issue 55: AWIFJFIOSOFPEPSLKLF,/S33/2 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[namtanlovesfilm]

axelle judges non bl shows > Good Old Days

summary: 6 love stories relating back to the Good Old Days antique store that only sells objects that have a story attached to them. To conquer their love, those couples have to use these objects.

where to watch: youtube

grade: 8/10

pros:

- loved loved loved the direction & cinematography. the color grading & images are just all gorgeous and have this very singular, kinda vintage feeling to them. you can tell much thought & care went into the show and I love it.

- the acting performances were all great! for once joss managed to have a half decent emotional scene (no shade y’all know he’s one of my faves), and this is the best performance I’ve seen bright deliver so far! everyone definitely did a great job :)

- the writing is honestly great, bc it doesn’t only deal with these romantic relationships but also has very deep themes of self-reflexion & self-exploration. the common theme of the show, on top of being love, is truly about young adults finding their place in the world, and I honestly related so much, especially with aye’s character who decided to change her dream last minute, and krist’s character who is highly attached to places & objects and can’t seem to move on from them like me. and it’s all really, really well written!

- the pace is perfect! the fact that each story only got 2 eps really pushed the writing to be extra efficient, but it also made it hard to get bored or annoyed with a particular story. it all flowed together pretty seamlessly & I really appreciated it bc it’s rarely the case for series that contain multiple stories.

- the characters are all very convincing. there’s none that stood out to me that much but I found them all very lovable & they were developed quite well for such a short show!

cons:

- of course, since it’s multiple stories into one series, there’s gonna be some that resonate with you more than others, which can lessen the overal enjoyment.

- even though I said it was hard to get bored, I still did have some moments where I lost concentration a little bit.

- just like every short series like this one, it cannot become an ultimate fave bc I don’t get attached to the characters as much as in a full series.

THE STORIES RANKED:

road to regret (jossnamtan): this gave me big 3 will be free vibes, and I could definitely see it be a movie with the way it was executed. the writing was really quite excellent & queen namtan never fails to slay!

memories of happiness (tayaye): I’m a sucker for childhood best friends stories & I love both tay and aye so this was just a pleasure to watch, it was just incredibly cute, quirky & feel good and probably the least angsty story of the show. 

our soundtrack (brightthanaerng): so I had very little expectations for this ep bc usually thanaerng sadly has quite terrible roles & bright did recently disappoint me in astrophile, but??? they worked great together??? like I think we’ve cracked the code lmao. once again I have a thing for childhood best friends, and I also have a thing for music used well in shows so this was just really nice & definitely the biggest surprise of the show for me.

love wins (winpat): y’all know I adore pat & she was absolutely excellent in this as always, especially loved seeing her with her dog on screen! I do think win is quite a solid actor, and those two were really quite great together. I liked the exploration of social inequalities which is present in the entire show but especially hammered home in this story, but I also feel like this was the most scattered story in a way, and the writing could’ve been a bit tighter.

somewhere only we belong (kristprim): so as I said earlier I really found myself in krist’s character high nostalgia of everything & inability to let go, and I think this story was a perfect way to end the series. that being said... the age gap between the actors (8 years with prim being only 18) did make me uncomfortable & could’ve easily been changed. I get that prim is a great actress so gmmtv want to pair her with their most famous actors who tend to be older, but still. for me it really kept me from enjoying an otherwise quite solid story even though pretty basic.

bonds & relationships (leefah): for the first story of the show, it was definitely the weakest imo. it’s really not bad & I loved the mother-son relationship in it, but I found that something was lacking compared to the other stories, and not just the fact that this is the only story of the show where he doesn’t end up with the main love interest. the acting & theme were great though, but it’s definitely the worst story of the bunch imo.

would I rewatch it: I’m not against it but realistically, no

From the mock trailer, I had no plan of watching this show, but the final trailer made me way more interested & I couldn’t ignore the presence of so many of my faves in this show either. And I’m SO glad I gave this show a chance bc I actually really love its message & feel like I haven’t seen this side of adulting explored in thai romances that much before. I would honestly recommend, & this show is a testament to always give second chances!

[folksy]

okay. another buffy/angel and buffy/spike rant

like I get why people can be icked out by buffy and angel as buffy is a teenage girl whereas angel is grown man who has lived hundreds of years but at the same time I’m like. take a step out of the show’s universe for a second. it’s a supernatural teen show at this point in time (early seasons when buffy was a teen) and I don’t think really there was an “ethical” or “moral” way to portray the dynamic needed of a slayer growing up and initially rejecting her slayer role and then coming into it versus the vampire who has done a lot of bad in the past and wants to make up for it. buffy has to be young and angel be older for that to work. granted buffy is a bit childish at this point of time because she is a child! but she has had to grow up faster in some regards, such as how she’s literally supposed to juggle her personal life and slayer duty of protecting people. that’s a lot for a 16 year old! also I’m the type of person who doesn’t believe that once you turn eighteen that you’re magically a mature person. I feel there’s a lot of socio-cultural aspects that shape it (high school being in your teens and college being in your late teens and early twenties, the legal aspects of what you can do at ages 16, 18, and 21, etc) but the whole becoming eighteen and everything is okay doesn’t sit well with me as it’s just this human made construct. THAT BEING SAID I don’t like. advocate for 25 and 17 year olds being together as I feel you’re at very different states in your life due to those socio-cultural factors and I myself am someone in my twenties who finds people only a few years younger than me as immature in comparison to myself. this is why I don’t think that spike and buffy are that great as like even though she is an adult at this point and has matured considerably throughout the show, he is still heavily older than her and it’s like. so she’s gotten like two or three more years since her relationship with angel. which in the show means she has been through a LOT but she still has a lot of growing to do! she’s in her early twenties! it’s also heavily implied he became interested in her when they first met in s2 while she and angel were dating. so you have a grown vampire man knowing this girl since she was a teenager and then pursues a sexual relationship with her where she isolates herself and is self destructive within a vulnerable state due to her trauma but it’s fine because she’s an adult now. okay

really vampire media boils down to you’re never going to get something that is ethical to the real world. they’re inherently deviant creatures. I know some people have their limits or prioritize the severity of issues but I’m just like. see it for what it is contextually and what it’s supposed to represent and not its literal depiction. it’s like yeah angel is supposed to be the alluring mysterious older guy that buffy is infatuated with. and yeah it’s on the older person in the relationship to put an end to it or whatever but it’s like. he’s a vampire on the vampire slaying show of course they’re going to pursue a relationship. because it’s fictional and not wholly applicable to the real world. and sometimes dynamics in fiction that you’d condemn in real life are interesting and compelling. it’s just so jarring to me seeing people say buffy and angel’s dynamic is inherently pedophilic but then romanticize buffy and spike’s interactions in becoming part 2 for example. or the fact spike describes drusilla as “childlike” and that’s part of her appeal to him. again and again I see angel pinned down as awful for his actions and then spike glorified or people will excuse it like yeah he’s a soulless vampire and it’s like. just because angel is an ensouled vampire doesn’t mean he doesn’t struggle with the issues of vampirism lol he’s certainly not human. I just don’t get it! especially when spike’s actions are driven by selfish obsessions that are treated as romantic but then angel’s genuine guilt and strides towards some form of redemption are treated as him being negatively obsessed with power and control and self pity

[wynsnerdyrambles]

Kyojuro mentioned that Shinjuro suddenly lost his spark, surely he would've guessed it was because of Ruka’s death. But what if there was more to it, maybe Shinjuro was berated by his father/mother-in-law for failing to support Ruka, maybe during one of his missions he lost his demon slaying friends, or failed to save some people from demons (hence why he thinks only sun breathing is the strongest). I might be looking into it too much, but I think there was more to it than Ruka dying.

The source of Shinjuro's depression is fairly vague by Kyojuro's understanding; he only notices the fact that his father has lost his passion for swordsmanship, but despite the fact that it's only a dream sequence (and therefore cannot be used as a 100% accurate replica of real events), I think Shinjuro's remarks are pretty telling as to what is going on.

Ruka's death is definitely a part of this. Losing someone you love, especially a spouse, is one of the hardest things you could go through emotionally speaking. But, I'm not seeing any significant evidence that there was an external factor berating Shinjuro for his failure in this regard. I personally think Shinjuro berated himself for this. Being a Hashira in the Demon Slayer Corps is likely a tiring position, and one that demanded Shinjuro to travel far, and for long periods of time. He likely wasn't able to spend as much time with his wife as he wanted, and likely already felt like he was at a deficit in that role. In all honesty, I don't think Ruka was actually much bothered by this. We know from Kyojuro's memory that she highly values people using their strength to save and protect those weaker than them.

I personally like to think, in a twisted, angsty headcanon, that Ruka passed away when Shinjuro was gone on a mission. So, his anguish and grief must have been so sudden, and he would have negative feelings that he could specifically associate with his role in the corps. And while I think that's part of the fuel to the fire (pun most definitely intended), what fanned it is talent, or rather, Shinjuro's perception of his lack thereof.

Gyomei Himejima was 18 when the temple incident occurred, and if I'm remembering my facts correctly, he, along with Muichiro, became a Hashira in 2 months. Given that Himejima is 27 at the time of the final arc, we can assume that he is the most senior of the Hashira, having survived in that rank for 9 years. But when he first ascended to that rank, he would have likely been Shinjuro's junior.

Himejima is one of the strongest 'swordsmen' since the time of Yoriichi He's talented, skilled and strong. Is it any wonder that Shinjuro, who was likely already suffering from feelings of inadequacy from Ruka's death, was now presented with the idea that this blind kid was stronger, and a better Demon Slayer than Shinjuro would likely ever be, and simply decided to give up? So now, him not being present for Ruka's death is now further made meaningless, because he cannot perceive himself as having any talent as a swordsman. In Shinjuro's twisted mindset, he likely perceived this as meaning his time as a swordsman was totally worthless, so now he's failed as both a husband, and as a Hashira.

Personally, I believe that Shinjuro likely quit only a month or two after Himejima became a Hashira. Without any purpose, his only recourse is to ruminate, and remember his own failures. Once a man who valued passion and drive, he's become convinced that talent is everything. He's stuck in negative thought patterns regarding his own self worth, and this is what leads him to start to drink. He's not in a state of mind where he can rationally process his own emotions, or examine his own worldview as flawed.

Ironically, while it may have been Ruka's death that started this downward spiral, it is Kyojuro's death that starts pulling him out. At first, he's in no position to deal with the grief, spiraling deeper. But at the same time, Tanjiro's delivery of Kyojuro's final request begins to force himself to re-examine his definition of worth, talent, and success. Kyojuro's death is tragic, but it is also nigh unto a martyrdom. He starts to see that 'talent' is ephemeral, and that even those not in possession of it can succeed, and protect the lives of 200 innocents. Shinjuro still feels guilt, but it's no longer despondent guilt, but rather, a guilt that pushes him to atone, to try and make up for his foolish decisions, and to correct his course. In fact, I believe that if Muzan had not been defeated when he was, Shinjuro would have taken up his old title of Hashira again.

Well, Anon, I'm sorry that this post ended up being more of a full blown Shinjuro analysis, but I hope it has answered your question.

[loveoaths]

@brighterburn requested: 6 (senjuro), 13, 18! ♥

6. Name 3 things you love most about your muse/muses.

oh, senjuro, my baby boy.

1). he is so fucking normal. like he is Just A Guy and i think that's awesome in a series about people who can kill vampire demon god. i think a lot of my love for senjuro ( and demon slayer as a whole ) stems from my issues with the naruto manga. senjuro is what i wanted hinata to be: someone who tries to fit into this world of violence because that's what's expected, only to realize, no, i can't do this. i don't want to do this. they offer us key insight into the lives of normal people in-universe.

2). despite being so fucking normal and average in a lot of ways, senjuro is still beloved by a lot of people. his worth doesn't come from being a soldier. his worth comes from being someone who values and loves other people, who provides for them and supports them. people like him and the kakushi are the only reasons our demon slaying heroes can exist. that's fucking dope.

3). he is so goddamn insecure but he still tries his hardest. that's the true meaning of an underdog to me. he has no natural talent, no secret power, no nothing. he's just a human being trying his hardest to keep his family together, which is what most of us spend our lives doing. when his arcs on this blog come to fruition and he finally has a decisive combat win, it will be because of his sheer perserverance, dedication, and resourcefulness, and not because of a power up.

4). and a bonus: all of senjuro's flaws are also his strengths, and vice versa. his insecurities about his self-worth make him work harder. working hard without recognition makes him feel invisible. being invisible will eventually become his greatest strength in a key fight. the way those things flow into one another is just... chef's kiss.

13. Is there one trope you can’t stand?

uh . . . having trouble thinking of something at the moment, so i'm going to talk about a trope i love: sacrifice as selfish. so often sacrifice is held up as the most heroic action, but turning that on its head opens up more avenues of exploration. like, so you sacrificed yourself for the greater good. was it worth it? how much did you really change? who have you destroyed in the process? are there alternatives to sacrifice? what if loss was neither good nor bad, it just hurts? generally speaking i love turning any trope over in my hands to find the new ways to play with it.

18. What is one thing you’d wish to see more in the rp community?

reading comprehension. communication -- actual communication, not the uncomfortable dancing-around-the-subject stuff. a more communicative rpc is a better, more inclusive, and just plain more fun rpc. everyone can do their part to make it better. if you are someone who struggles with uncomfortable discussions, it may be worth it for you to dwell on why that is and take slow steps toward working on it. it will only benefit you irl and online as you age. i'm saying this as an old man who was bad at all these things when he started writing online back in elementary school.

and finally: i want more fun. years ago the rpc had events, dash zaniness, and just so much cross-over and fun. i miss that. the fear of stepping out of line has really robbed us of the beauty of cooperative writing. i wish we could get back there, but frankly i don't see it happening on a wide scale anytime soon.

[universallychaoticpan]

For gold and sweet slumber

Hange x fem!reader

There were few things Hange loved more than all nighters in their lab, the silence only broken by the soft sputtering of the candlelight in the lamps that painted the room in honey-colored light. Especially when they'd recently made a new discovery, had had a breakthrough, or simply got lost in the scientific texts that covered their office wall to wall and back again. Truly, they'd probably have spent the rest of their life alone in that room had it not been for that damn teacup. One morning, far to early to be awake and still be sane, Hange had been tearing through the scouts' latest base, their footsteps echoing through the drafty stone halls. Pounding on Levi's door, it opened to reveal a very tired looking Erwin and behind him, Levi's glowering, eyes looking ready to kill. Rushing past him, Hange started talking excitedly about their latest findings, pretending not to see the way the captain was practically begging her to go back to their office and let them sleep.

Back and forth they paced, almost tripping over their feet several times before-

CRASH

They'd bumped into the wall, sending Levi's teacup collection rattling and shaking along the shelf before one fell, as if in slow motion, before shattering on the cold ground, with shards of carefully decorated porcelain landing at their feet.

Hange wished she had been exagerating when she said that the moment the shops in town opened, Levi had dragged them inside to buy a replacement. And thank the walls he had

Because there, behind the counter, eyes still bleary from sleep, was you, the young owner of the shop that Levi had so often frequented. Smiling at the sight of the familiar man before you, you quickly launched into an explanation of all the newest blends you'd stocked up on since his last visit. And Hange was being honest when they said they'd never been so excited to hear about a new herb blend from inside wall Sina. Levi nodded politely before he and Hange stepped away to find the newest addition to his collection.

And thank the walls they were walking away. Which was good for you, because it meant you could hide the blush quickly spreading across your cheeks, immediately waking you up. Part of you wanted to yell at Levi for not bringing his companion with him sooner. After some time, they gathered their things and left, the woman you now knew as Zoe Hange leaving with a small wave to you that only made your smile grow wider.

Oh, pull yourself together, you chided silently, you've only just seen them and already you're gigling like a lovesick school girl. Brushing off your skirts, you resigned yourself to readying your shop even further for the day ahead.

But the thought of them stuck with you, not helped at all by the fact that they were now with Levi whenever he wandered in. And eventually, after a few weeks, they began coming on their own just to talk to you. You learned that they were a section commander for the sruvey corps, and one of the leading researchers when it came to knowledge about the titans. She learned that you had owned the tea shop since you were 18 years old, when your mother had passed away and left the business to you. Sometimes, when they just needed to get out of their makeshift lab, something they never thought they'd want to do in favor of spending time with another person, they'd walk the short way over to town, and knock on your door before you let them inside with a smile, just like always. They would work while you cleaned up after the day, a comfortable silence filling the room as you both stole glances at one another before looking away bashfully. You'd end the night by falling into easy conversations, laughing and sharing stories as the candles danced, burning lower and lower while the hours passed. More than once, you'd found yourself frantically opening up after waking minutes before to the brunette snoring across the table from you.

You found yourself worrying for them when they left on expeditions, even though you knew they'd come back. You'd still remind yourself that she was a seasoned soldier who could take care of herself, and that within a week, she'd be back talking animatedly with you over midnight tea.

And unbeknownst to you, they were thinking about returning to the interior out in the field, just because it meant being with you again. In your shop that was quiet and felt like safety, making you laugh with that voice clearer than the cathedral bells that rang over the walls, sweeter than the sugar and honey you sold day by day.

Thinking of your kind eyes and bright smile, they almost didn't notice the abnormal titan charging towards them until Moblit dragged them out of the way, slaying the titan a few moments later with another warning of 'that was far to close, section commander.'

That was it. They needed to do something about their constant pinning, their need to tell you exactly how they felt consuming their every waking moment, memories of you permeating their mind. For once in her life, she wanted more than anything to get away from the giant brutes that roamed the land and go home.

They'd found the best things of their solitude with you, and everything they'd ever yearned for. The quiet they loved to sit in while they worked was just as comforting in your presence, but the way your eyes lit up with fascination as they told you their ideas was just as invigorating. They'd be lying if they said they hadn't felt their heart rise in their throat and a blush creep across their skin when you cleaned and bandaged a cut they'd obtained while taking a sample, when they'd woken up to your features relaxed as you slept across the table from them.

So as soon as they rode back through the gates, they tore through the city on their own, weaving throngs of people on the same route they had traveled for months now. Going to your shop was so familiar to them that they probably could have done it with their eyes closed. However this was not the time to run that particular experiment.

With a pleasant jingle, the door swung open, causing you to look up in surprise at the commander how standing in your doorway, panting heavily. Your smile brightened, then fell a bit when they simply stood in the door, looking fearful.

Moving towards them slowly, you gently took their hands in yours, causing them to meet you eyes so full of concern, so full of care, as if the only thing on your mind was how to help them. The thought filled them with saccharine warmth as they brought their hands up to gently cradle your face, your line of sight completely obscured by the brunette looking into your eyes so intensely you felt you'd melt, and yet full of gentle uncertainty as you leaned into their touch. In one final second, you both seemed to understand every emotion, intention, and action of the person across from you, understanding becoming undeniable as your lips brushed theirs ever so softly.

You leaned into each other as the kiss deepened, one hand traveling to the back of your neck while the other wrapped around your waist, your hands curling into their hair while their tongue swept across your bottom lip in feather light strokes.

One thing was clear to the both of you now:

This was complete and pure bliss, the kind of tentative joy people spent their lives searching for.

And it had all come about because of an all-nighter, a very annoyed captain, and a broken tea cup.

////

Another day, another mildly self indulgent piece about one of my favorites. Hope you enjoyed this, I might make a part two so tell me if you'd be interested in reading that. (I'll probably do it anyway lmao.) Likes, comments and reblogs are always welcome, and so are requests and asks. <3

[the-greatest-story-untold]

I’m rambling abt NCT. Bear with me.

So, NCT 2020 Resonance Global Wave Beyond Live concert (sheesh, that’s long!) ended about 3 hours ago.

I finally got to sit and think through what I had experienced.

I’ve read through twitter, IG and of course, Tumblr.

I know quite a lot of fans are upset that SM went through with the concert when both Taeyong and Jisung are both unable to participate. And when Jisung was actually able to somewhat participate but Taeyong wasn’t, it ruffled some more feathers.

It is of course, very worrying that Taeyong may be injured/unwell enough to be completely uninvolved in the concert. I would have thought they would try to put in at least a clip of him wishing well to his team.

Then it occured to me that either way, fans won’t be happy. There will still be some that’ll bark that SM is not letting him rest or whatever.

In the end, yes, it would have been better if they could have postponed the concert till next year or whenever. But seriously, there is no promise that no one out of the 23 members will always be completely ok.

They’re a ridiculously large group with multiple members playing dual/multiple roles half the time. One of those members are bound to get tired or injured. I don’t want it to happen but hey, life is horrible and things happen.

(If you can’t already tell, I’m very much a pessimist. I don’t really look at the bright side of things. So excuse my morbid acceptance that people will get sick/ill/injured.) 

I mean, at the rate that SM is pushing some of these members, it is not very subtle that the distribution of responsibilities are not even. We definitely see some faces more than others.

if you want to argue that Taeyong is the leader of the group, the backbone, the pillar, the very essence of NCT... I won’t stop you. I feel that way too. But seriously, the leader missing out on one online concert won’t render the team useless.

Taeyong is a great leader. I acknowledge it. And one major thing he has done well as a leader is to ensure the team carries on without their leader. 

Watching the concert, I see how the different members who are often labelled the ‘mum’, ‘dad’, or ‘big brother’ of the team step up and lead the group. 

Taeyong is NCT’s leader but I will argue he is not NCT’s only leader. We have Taeil and Johnny, both of whom stepped up to look over the members (regardless if it was a forced situation or not). We have Kun, himself the leader of WayV. We have Doyoung (and let’s throw in Jeno), who were in a way the co-captains of their units. We have Mark, lovely Mark, who was the unofficial Dream Leader but made official through Dreamies’ and NCTzens’ sheer will. Even Renjun and Haechan stepped up during the ‘Surprise Live’ to lead the youngsters.

So yeah, it was sad that Taeyong wasn’t in the concert. My heart ached when I didn’t see him performing his parts. But at the same time, I HAVE to admit, I felt so proud that his teammates were able to fill his parts so well. 

And before anyone accuse me of saying Taeyong is replaceable, I must enforce that I DON’T. Taeyong is Taeyong, he brings his own charms and charisma to every song he performs. And that was made very obvious in the concert when it felt so blatantly ‘in-your-face’ that he was missing.

BUT. I will not diminish the effort put in by the other members who had to cover his parts. Kudos to them for taking the baton, it must have weighed heavy. I am sure that they are aware of the expectations EVERYONE has for Taeyong. So KUDOS to them for being able to carry that baton and YET, put in their own flair to it.

Apparently, Jeno was required to learn the first bit of ‘Make a Wish’ within an hour in the waiting room. Why? For the love of all things good, we know SM will never explain. But the fact that he did, and he did it WELL (he slayed it of course), KUDOS to him.

Sungchan covered Taeyong’s part in ‘BOSS’. It wasn’t Taeyong’s flair but Sungchan pulled it off with his own style, and just as fine.

Shotaro covered Taeyong’s part in ‘7th Sense’. You can clearly see he was a professional performer even before being part of NCT. He definitely threw in his own flair into that performance.

Yangyang covered Taeyong’s part in ‘Lightbulb’, and boy, he delivered. I watched that performance and I realised how much talent that young man has. It is disappointing he was not given a lot of parts (regardless if it was as WayV or NCT).

Jaehyun covered Taeyong’s part in ‘Kick It’, and of course he did great. We’ve already seen him cover for TY before. Yuta in turn covered Taeyong’s dance break in ‘Kick It’. Similarly, he shined.

Ten carried ‘Baby Don’t Stop’ all by himself! It must have been exhausting, he was performing consecutively from one song to another! He’s another one we must applaud for! 

Overall, I feel very grateful towards NCT for being able to put up this concert. Performing in front of a live crowd would have been better but personally, I felt this online stage allowed them to perform/act a little more freely. It felt like a home stage that you put on only for those special to you... a little bit more personal compared to a real-live concert but definitely just as high quality.

I enjoyed the concert, I smiled so much through it. I am going to miss OT23, even more than I missed OT18. When NCT was just 18, I was just getting to know them. Now, they’re a full fledged 23 and counting.

Sungchan and Shotaro fit so well in the group, I forget that they were recent additions. WayV was so very much embraced by the OG NCT members that I forget the unit is only 1 year old (going to 2 soon!)

I love how NCT feels like a family. I am sure every fandom feels the same way about their own artists, but I’ve always felt NCT was different and special because their brand makes them a family of different units. I’ve grown up in a large extended family, and I feel that NCT is just like that. They are friends and yet family, colleagues and yet brothers. 

I saw many wishes from NCTzens for the boys. I saw fans putting up placards saying NCT saved 2020. I’ve read many comments thanking NCT for uplifting them and making them feel present and here. I feel so proud that the boys are able to do that.

I may be just one more fan for NCT and I am sure they’re thankful either way. But I really want them to know how thankful I am for them too. They’ve had an extremely busy year, so I hope they get to rest. Not just some rest, but a full complete holistic break that lets their battery recharge.

I know their schedules are probably already packed and overflowing, but I want them to know that if any one of them needs a break from the hectic schedule, they should take that break AND NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT.

Self-care is essential: 

“Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.” - Eleanor Brownn

I love this quote and I wish to extend this advice to all 23 members of NCT too. 

I am still looking forward to the projects NCT will put out of course. I’m excited to see the unit (new ones?) Sungchan and Shotaro will be in. I’m excited to see Mark back with Dream (*cough cough* rooftop fight?). I definitely want to know what more WayV has in store. 

I hope they have a great year ahead but still think of themselves too once in a while.

Don’t worry boys, NCTzens will always be with you. We are the grass field that awaits you at the end of a ‘long ass ride’. Through the seasons, to infinity and beyond. We love you!