#skyrim belongs to the nords my ASS

[aadroiit]

ulfric stormcloak be like

racism

[xcryinginguccix]

Buckle up nerds, today were doing something fun.

Do y'all remember that very tiny game from Bethesda, the one that came out in 2011 called Skyrim?

Well on tonight's episode I'm ranking quests. Not all of them, just the big faction quests. I'm not that insane (yet, it will come eventually).

I can't believe I'm making a Skyrim post in 2024.

Anyways, let's dive in (spoilers ahead)

Number 5: Collage of Winterhold

Well... I have some opinions. It's underwhelming to say the least. I expected to learn some extremely fun spells, schemes, mystery and general feelings of walking into the coolest campus you have ever seen. What we got was... meh.

You could breathe towards Tolfdir and he would still call you the greatest mage in the history of mages. You can find more magic going into a random cave somewhere near Riverwood than you will find AT THE MAGIC SCHOOL. You also, don't learn anything... Or at least anything of value, and then the principal dies and you take his job. You can literally complete this quest with no more than 3 basic spells in your arsenal. Bethesda should fix this quest line instead of re-releasing this game every 6 months to upgrade the visuals of a single tree. Anyways let's go to the next one, this one is just getting me angry.

Number 4: Civil war shenanigans

Stormcloaks

Ahhh civil war. Viva la Revolution... Expect from no.

If 10 year old me was ranking it, it would be much higher (let's just say my tiny brain didn't understand what "Skyrim belongs to the nords" implied). Generally said it's a pretty solid quest. Ulfic sends you to kill some ghost in order to prove yourself, the Whiterun attack is fun, genuinely pushing against Imperial legion by doing some smaller scale attacks is fun, concerning Solitude was great... And you get a pretty funky bear armor. I like funky drip.

Pretty solid but I don't like nationalism sorry. So on the other hand we have...

Imperial legion

... I think this is one of the few games where I agree on pushing against the revolution. Too bad those guys also suck ass... It's like European politics, I'm choosing the lesser evil.

Generally this questline is pretty similar to the previous one, with the exception that you're fighting in some other areas. Defending Whiterun is extremely fun, I love this city so much. All my points from the last one stand, except this quest has worse drip but more enjoyable npcs.

Also lmao Ulfric fucking dies x D

That alone makes it a better branch.

Number 3: Jorrvarskr questlines

Oh yeah, it's lycanthropy time baby.

This questline is fun, so much fun. You get introduced to the gang right outside of Whiterun while they are trying to fight off a giant.

Fun dungeons, fun story, extremely enjoyable npcs. Progressing the companion quests enough will allow you to turn yourself into a werewolf, which is an automatic bonus for me. Going nuts on a random dragon in werewolf form will never stop being funny.

Also you can marry Aela and for that I would french kiss Todd Howard on his corrupt mouth. Live laugh love Jorrvarskr. Solid stuff.

Also if you suddenly decided that you "no no wanna :(" be a werewolf anymore you can heal yourself by... Cutting off a hags head and preforming a cleansing ritual with it.

Yeah no I have no idea how that would work but sure.

Number 2: The dark brotherhood

Words cannot describe how much this questline had me in a chokehold at the ripe age of 10.

This is so so so good. I love egdy shit. This questline starts as a banger from the introduction. I will never forget the feeling of walking into this creepy ass house in Windhelm, and seeing a child doing a ritual.

So much fun stuff right off the gate. I could write an essay about his whole questline. Fun missions, plotting and scheming, funky assassinations that get progressively harder with each contract and the plot twist and the end... Just the right kind of edge I always need. I love it so much.

Each of the members of the dark brotherhood have so much charisma. You get an emo horse, and a wonderful looking armor. Evil twink Cicero forever in my heart.

And finally, creme de la creme... Number 1: Thieves guild

My. Fucking. God.

There is a reason why I choose any type of rogue class anytime I play anything. This whole quest is living rent free in my head.

The introduction, the location, the npcs... The collage of Winterhold WISHES it had an atom of greatness this quest has.

I love everything about this questline, from start to finish. Every time I see Brynjolf in the market of Riften my heart gets filled with genuine happiness. The whole thing with the Nightingales and Mercer and KarIiah. I love how you can bring back the thieves guild to its former glory once again.

Every single npc is fun to talk to. When I say that I remember almost no one from the shitty wizard academy quest, I meant it. This tho, all of them are engraved in my mind.

Also, you can get ultimate drip, which is the Nightingale armor.

Best armor in the game, argue with the wall you cannot change my mind.

God I love thieves. God I love the guild.

Anyways that's all. Someday I will rank all the daedric quests once I'm bored at 4am again (spoiler alert: The mind of madness is in first place). If you want to change my mind... Well you won't bc I played this game since I was a child.

Special thanks to Todd Howard for my gay awakenings: Aela and KarIiah.

[ooklet]

undertaking the, like, four day process of reinstalling skyrim and the seven thousand mods required to make it not look like desaturated ass because i miss playing my second-favorite dragonborn, faraline. she’s the sheltered daughter of an altmer ambassador living in skyrim and one of the few characters that i still use the vanilla intro for (alternate start is truly the best) cuz she’s a lil baby alchemist and gets ganked while picking flowers in a field during the stormcloak ambush. she initially joins the stormcloaks cuz of that experience but realizes shortly that they’re racists and the cryptocurrency they’re hawking is not the wave of the future that they insist it is and she switches sides.

she then proceeds to stumble through one main quest after another (excepting the thieves guild and dark brotherhood) just trying to be nice to people and getting excited about the new alchemical ingredients that she finds in her travels. i especially like playing an altmer dragonborn cuz it’s such an insult to the skyrim-belongs-to-the-nords crew. who is your god now, white supremacist analogs?

my first-favorite dragonborn, tish, will also be making a reappearance, to continue her noble tradition of pants-theft and domming brynjolf.

[laughableillusions]

Moving Back Home

AN: Oh boy it’s the first mini-fic of Lindir & Farkas that you all haven’t been asking for but I’m giving to you anyway! I pasted this from my notes (in all its raw unedited glory) so if it’s wonky dw about it...

I hope to write more of these 2 in the future if you all enjoy it!

(I encourage you to read this while listening to Lady of the Moon by 2002)

———————————

The night had already settled in, and both Lindir and Farkas had snuggled themselves into their bedrolls. Lindir decided to go without the tent that night, as it was a clear night and neither he nor Farkas could smell rain coming. The opportunity to gaze at the stars calmed the elf, his mind could jump between the small twinkling lights and his eyes slide across the Aurora borealis. He loved Skyrim, he really did. He loved the cold shivering weather, the crunch of snow under his boots, the large trees and delicate flowers. There was something so comforting about it, something he didn’t really see until now.

Back in Summerset it was hard to get such a view of stars as this, the cities were large and full of light. And the heat kept anyone from even thinking about making a campfire, cold weather was rare and treasured. But even then, his friends preferred the heat. Or at least they did...it was still hard to grasp that they were no longer alive. Lindir hadn’t been there, it was hard to really accept a death when you were never there to witness it.

He sighed, it was no good to dwell on the dead. Besides, it was years ago...he had almost forgotten about Summerset Isles. Something in him bloomed in Skyrim, maybe it was his mixed blood. He perhaps was more Nordic than he believed, but he found himself thriving in cold weather. The shivering cold mornings kept his mind alert. The warm blankets and furs he slept in meant something more to him than a decoration, it was to keep him alive. He remembered being a child and begging Aradnae to buy him a bear pelt from a merchant. She refused of course, he was still small and had no use of it at the time. But the interest of an outsider, he didn’t quite understand why they wore the pelts or what they were used for. Now, ruled under a thick layer of one...he very well could.

And Farkas, his beloved Farkas...just the thought of him put the grief out of his mind. He was warm, he was soft and he loved him perhaps more than Lindir could understand. He remembered reading something in a book long ago about love like this, how one could simply hide their face in a lovers chest and shun the world entirely away. If he could...if he could, Lindir would without hesitation. Every time they parted it felt like they weren’t together long enough, sometimes almost unbearably so. But he must...he had to, or else all of Tamriel would fall into ruin, the world would be consumed and there wouldn’t be anymore stars for them to gaze at.

Lindir turned to his side, there he could see the outline of his beloved’s face. There was something so powerful about this bond...it felt bigger than him, bigger than both of them. He had never felt love this strong before, never had such unrelenting feelings of utter devotion and adoration for anyone. It scared him sometimes, it scared him that he would away from the world if it meant to stay beside him.

“I would stand at his back, so that world would never overtake us...”

Never overtake us...

Even after a year and a half of marriage, he was still blushing at that. even though his face was stained with tears and mud, and Farkas practically limped the way back. Those words never left him, they were etched on the stone of his soul. Like the carvings of old Dovah, it was alive...it was pulsing. The memory of that cold night in the courtyard of Jorrvaskyr, it softened him.

“Darling?” Lindir asked softly, scooting himself closer to the Nord.

“Hm?” Farkas half-groaned. He was obviously dozing off.

“I love you...a lot...” Lindir whispered sheepishly.

Farkas now reanimated, and he turned his face to him. His features were still shrouded in the darkness, and he strained to try and look at them.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

Lindir shook his head and sighed.

“Nothing, I’m just feeling sentimental again.”

Farkas scooted closer, now rolling over to face him. Lindir blushed a little by his interest, and he smiled.

“I just...I don’t know, I really love it here.” He said. “It’s all so much better than Summerset, I feel more at home here than anywhere else...”

He then wriggled himself closer to Farkas, trying to get as close to him as possible whilst keeping snug in his little bedroll.

“I know what you mean...” Farkas answered. His voice was raggedy with drowsiness.

“Well I mean, of course you do. You’re a full blood Nord and Skyrim has been your home for generations-“

Lindir cut himself off and shook his head again.

“I-I didnt mean it like that...”

Farkas hummed a little in response.

“It’s just...I was always looked down upon for my Nordic blood. Nords were seen as barbaric and primitive, but coming here to their homeland I felt...I don’t know, safe?”

“Skyrim is in your blood, and not just the people, but the Land as well.” Farkas said.

Lindir felt tears collect in his eyes. He had always felt out of place in Summerset, he always felt like he had to hide himself unless he was performing. He was regarded as a freak, a “halfbreed” as he was sometimes called. In Skyrim however, the Nords would praise his Nordic blood. Said it made him strong and resilient, they lived life they way he wanted to live it. They were impatient and passionate about things. They lived like they would die the next day, and some of them did. But there was kindness, there was love and happiness. Even as harsh as life was it was still beautiful, Skyrim was more than just Land, more than just the people that lived there. It was home...it was belonging.

No wonder people fought so hard for it.

Lindir sniffled.

“Yeah it is...I-I do belong here don’t I?”

Farkas perked up his distress, his arms now wrapping around the elf.

“Yes, yes you do.”

Lindir nestled his head against Farkas’s chest. His voice beginning to shake.

“Thank you...” He almost whispered.

Farkas huffed.

“Now you have to tell me what’s wrong, I don’t want you messing up my only clean shirt.”

Lindir chuckled a bit and wiped the tears from his eyes.

“Ok ok I will, you big oaf.”

Farkas squeezed him a bit in retort. Lindir squirming as he was shoved against him. He let go a bit, letting Lindir have space to talk.

“I just, I never had a proper home before...no place to go back to, no real place. Home was always people, family, but I’ve been through group after group and person after person and well...I never felt like I really belonged.”

Lindir then paused, his cheeks going pink.

“I mean, except with you of course...”

He could feel the blush on the nord when he said it.

“A-and because of that The Companions...I-I mean your family sort of became my family in a sense...”

Lindir felt vulnerable, silly and flustered. It was stupid and he knew it, latching onto someone else’s family because they’re married to them...it felt predatory. But he couldn’t help how much he loved all of them, even when Vilkas was being a smart -ass or Aela being rude. After he married Farkas the responsibility of Harbinger sat heavily on his shoulders, he was responsible for all of them and he did not take that lightly.

Farkas was silent for a moment, he was thinking of a response. Poor man wasn’t very good when it came to words, Lindir didn’t mind it, many times Farkas’s presence was enough to put him at ease. But when Lindir needed counsel, Farkas always tried, and that too was enough.

“They’re not just my family Lindir, you became a part of it when you joined, and you’re still a part of it now, they all love you too. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done.”

“You really think so?” Lindir asked cautiously.

“Yeah...” Farkas was soft but confident in his answer.

Lindir smiled quietly, Farkas never lied. There was something so finalizing about his answer that quelled any suspicion in Lindir. He had done so many things, and was still doing them now. From the Thieves Guild to The Dark Brotherhood now. Not Farkas or the Companions ever wavered in their loyalty and support toward him. Even Kodlak, who he known only a short time accepted him as one of his own.

“Hey Farkas?” Lindir now asked.

“Hm?”

Lindir hesitated for a second.

“I-I want to move back to Jorrvaskyr...”

Farkas pet his hair.

“Mhm...”

The Nord was dozing off again, Lindir could tell. He was as well, all that thinking and talking finally exhausted him enough to sleep. That was alright though, they could talk more about it in the morning.

Lindir snuggled himself against his husband, his home and dozed off to his quiet breathing.

[astorias-reigning-legends]

Asking My Guy Friends What They Think About Lovestruck Characters

ZAIN

D: rich captain mcdoosh

R: I really like his eyes And the good color coordination with them Hair's a lil iffy for me but overall okay wouldn't kick 'em out of bed

ASTRAEUS

D: fuckboii assassin

R:  A lil generic but overall pretty nice. His shirt is really dumb. God it gets worse the more I look at it

SAERYS

D:  more edge than erren jager

R:  no Just no Fuck dude his face is so small jesus v bad 3/10

JOSH MC BROTHER ASTORIA

R:  Eh they're alright Nothing great nothing awful Nice coat, doesn't go with the shirt well

D:  ummm other than waldo that love interest in every high school romance. pretty bland

HYDRA

R:  Alright not horribly digging the mullet but otherwise pretty solid The front shot is much better than the profile

D:  bard max carisma

CYPRIN

D  maf pewpew perhaps underboss

R:  Didn't we do this guy? With the suspenders? Still overall pretty solid. Suprised he wasn't murderous with your interest in him (Talked about alex like the night before, i’ll add that later)

HADES D: 1/2 ass 1/2 hole

R: Not a fan of the hair but he looks damn sharp in that suit I like the magic he's got going on

LYRIS

D:  ferngully hippie its all i got

R:  Oh my That is... something I don't know how to feel about that one It's a highlighted tiddies out look And that hair is wild

SEVASTIAN

D:  skyrim belongs to the nords R: Oh that’s some good shit right there Oh that is

chef kiss

DARIUS: (Battle clothing)

D:  dont wanna say R:  Shares a name with the worst league character Kinda a slut Not a huge fan of the hair either Looks like that chad meme

NIKOLAI

D:  boss man mr. imma dick R:  Hot (Spelt it wrong like 5 times he’s so hot) Got the cat and everything God damn

VANESSA

D:  van helsing with boobs

R:     hot Like I feel like that could use some silver embroidering on the outfit But I like the dedication to black At the ability to move in those heals is impressive

REINER (Bathtub CG)

D:  seems like a iroh type look red flags fire nation chilling in a tub and hansome literly a copy and paste iroh R:  Beard could be better but he is fucking yoked dude Also like the eye scare

LUCIEN

D:  ummm Persian prince

R:  uh no yeah donot like him I don't know why exactly maybe the hair maybe the look he's just unsettling... He looks like he sells hard drugs Like full on exotic crystal meth

VICTOR

D: Russian mobster

R: pretty eh

VIVIENNE

D:  hi cat woman so yea burgler

R:  God she looks like lust from FMA I like her dress a lot(edited)[11:20 PM]very hot

DRACULA

D: Vampire (via geralt gif)

LEOA

D: Omnicient

R:  A FRIEND FRIEND SHAPED ANGEL LOVE THEM PSBSBSBSBBBBBBS

XENIA

D: (MOrtal combat goro gif)  just seems like sh will rip your limbs off

R:  Nice tiddy window Extra arms is a lil weird but I can work with it I like her hair a lot

REVI

D: (furry gif) must i say more

R;  Oh she is good, absolutely ripped, mostly naked, cat ears and many tails She is quality

[chilled-welsh-sam]

Stormcloaks or Imperials: Stormcloaks

I feel it wrong that my blog is named after our lord and savior Todd Howard when ive not made a post about his holiest of works: Skyrim

So heres a post detailng why both sides in the Skyrim civil war are good and bad at the same fucking time

Stormcloaks

Now most people prolly assume "oh the stormcloaks are just a bunch of racist nords" when thats somewhat true yes but they are more than that and the best way to explain how is by talking about the main cause of their uprising and the events that led up to the Skyrim civil war

The Great War

Nope not the horrible real life event that wiped out century long empires and reshaped Europe in all ways no the Tamriel one.

The great war was an event following a good few years after the Oblivion Crisis, an event that resulted in the death of the last of the Septim bloodline and the emergence of a new Aldmeri Dominion.

The war was entirely caused by the Aldmeri Dominion wanting more land and the Empire saying no to that bullshit

To quickly round things up the Aldmeri kicked the imperials right in the ass so hard they lost the Imperial capital city untill what was effectively an offensive to make peace terms less ass fucking for the Empire was made and they retook the city before asking for peace talks

The white gold concordat

The white gold concordat was the peace treaty that oficially ended hostilities between the empire and the Aldmeri Dominion

Now i dont know much of the terms but there is one term that is essential to understanding the Stormcloaks cause, Talos worship is to be banned across the empire and Talos is to no longer be considered a god

Why does that matter so much? Well lets get into it

Talos, the man who became a god

Talos or as he was known when he was human, Tiber Septim was the first person to unite the nations of Tamriel under one empire and upon his death in legends (which in Elder scrolls basically means it actually happened) he ascended to god hood and was worshiped by the Nords most devoutly but everyone who lived in the empire knew him as he was a man turned god and the nords loved him most as Skyrim was where it apparently began.

Back to stormcloaks

Now we know what happened before and two reasons the Stormcloaks were pissed at the empire (they fuckin hated the white gold concordat is reason 2) lets go into the man who leads the rebelion, Ulfric Stormcloak

Ulfric Stormcloak, a general betrayed

Ulfric was the typical loyal soldier of the empire and gained the rank of general due to his loyalty to the Empire and during the Great War he was captured and let go after the war.

He found out about the Concordat and was outraged but still he was loyal and helped the Jarl of Markarth retake his Hold from the Reachmen (a group that claims Markarth belongs to them) with the promise of Talos worship being allowed in the hold which the Jarl allowed as promised, until he changed his mind and helped the empire arrest Ulfric and his men.

Ulfric was eventually freed and returned to his hold of Windhelm to find his father had died while Ulfric was in prison with the people of Windhelp crying out for vengence against the Aldmeri and was seated upon the throne of Windhelm and made Jarl

A few years pass with the only event of note for Ulfric being a new High King of Skyrim being elected, the previous High Kings son, Torygg

The shout that ignited the war

Now you can imagine Ulfric, a man who feels betrayed by the empire he dedicated much of his life to would prolly want to prove his homeland has become weak under the empire, most would probably use facts to explain this but not Ulfric no he wanted to fight and chalenged Torygg to a duel which Torygg accepted, you might think "oh so they had a swordfight?"

No thatd be fine but what i neglected to mention about Ulfric is he learned the ways of The Voice or thu'um or a cooler way of putting it deadly fucking dragon speech at an early age.

How is that relevent? Well sources on the duel vary but all except Stormcloaks agree Ulfric used the thu'um to either force Torygg to the ground and finish him off with a sword or he shouted him to pieces.

And after that the civil war started

So how are the stormcloaks good in any way?

Well in the end the Stormcloaks werent juat fighting cuz racist but they were fighting to free skyrim from an empire they felt had betrayed them, one that seemingly couldnt care less about what the Nords wanted and supressed their religion and an empire that made them fight and watch brothers and friends die on the battlefield only to give up and submit to the demands of an empire of Elves that believed that High Elves are the supreme race and all others are their lesser

In the end the Stormcloaks fought because they felt the empire fucked them over

(Yes i know that Ulfric was set free by the Aldmeri dominion intentionally to cause havoc in the post war empire my post still stands)

Im spliting this into two posts so i dont flood dashboards and will post the second half an hour after this.

[tes-trash-blog]

A Small, Slightly Buzzed Rebuttal

I once saw a take on the Civil War, one that tried rather hard (and, in my mildly buzzed opinion, rather shoddily) to justify Ulfric’s actions.

They pointed to his grief, the fact that he was in prison when his father died. They said “yeah, he should’ve been in prison, because war crimes, but his dad died and he wasn’t allowed to go to the funeral :(”

To be honest, that’s about as far as I got before some booze-buried part of me began to reach out to my frontal lobe and demand attention. I should probably seek a therapist.

Instead, I did some reading into the Markarth Incident. And then I remembered the quest No One Escapes From Cidhna Mine.

Allow me to begin with the Markarth Incident, as this is where the OP whose name escapes me began. In fact, allow me to begin at the founding of the Reach as a province of Skyrim.

The Reach was a small province in what is now known as Skyrim, first inhabited by Nedes or Altmer (or both, and possibly Falmer given that the Forgotten Vale is just north of them), invaded by Atmora, then invaded by Dwemer up until they disappeared to Divines-Know-Where. Here’s where the Reachmen come into play. They survived all matter of invasions from Reman Cyrodiil and the Second Empire, enjoyed a brief period of invading themselves, but where ultimately kicked in their collective asses by Tiber Septim, back when he was known as Talos/Hjatli Early-Beard/What have you. Again, the Nords had the Reachmen, a vaguely matriarchal and magical society, under their steel boot.

Now comes the.. fun part. When the Thalmor-Empire War broke out (aka the Great War), the Reachmen seized this opportunity to reclaim the Reach. This was short lived. Ulfric, leading a militia, overtook the Reach and the Reachmen who had finally claimed the land that had been theirs for thousands of years (where does this sound familiar..?). Rumor has it that he used the Voice to bring the Reachmen to heel.

(Keep in mind that the Greybeards are against using the Voice for war. Yes, it was used in the Dragon War, but Ulfric’s tutors sought to use the Voice as a means for enlightenment.)

Now, comes the part where I need to put an obligatory TW: Torture, child killing and rape.

Keeping in mind that this is written by an Imperial scholar, and prone to certain colorings, I found this excerpt from “The Bear of Markarth”:

[..] Native women were tortured to give up names of Forsworn fighters who had fled the city or were in the hills of the Reach. Anyone who lived in the city, Forsworn and Nord alike, were executed if they had not fought with Ulfric and his men when they breached the gates. "You are with us, or you are against Skyrim" was the message on Ulfric's lips as he ordered the deaths of shopkeepers, farmers, the elderly, and any child old enough to lift a sword that had failed in the call to fight with him.

What caught my eye was that first sentence. Native women being tortured.

In my experience from reading history or paying any attention at all to those subtle phrases people use when talking about something as abjectly horrific as rape, whenever you hear that a woman was tortured, that means rape. It is such a common tactic in war and conquests that there’s a Wikipedia article on it. Here I circle back to the Norse-coded race (ffs they’re called Nords), which uh.. Hate to break it to you, but raped. Often.

To put it plainly, Ulfric allowed the rape of women. He may or may not have even participated in this. Some visceral part of me leans to “yes, he did”.

Before you say “This is Imperial propaganda”, I would like to point your attention to a personal favorite quest of mine, No One Escapes Cidhna Mine. In the mines, you meet a Reachman by the name of Braig. With the exception of Madanach, he had been in the Silver Blood mines for the longest time. You ask him why he’s there, and he tells you:

I had a daughter, once. She'd be 23 this year. [...] The Nords didn't care who was and who wasn't involved in the Forsworn Uprising. I had spoken to Madanach once, that was enough. But my little Aethra didn't want to see her papa leave her. She pleaded to the Jarl to take her instead. And after they made me watch as her head rolled off the block, they threw me in here anyway, to dig up their silver.

This collaborates what Arrianus Arius was mentioning in his book. The slaughter of children, from the Nords who overtook the Reach.

Yes, the Jarl at the time was Imperial-aligned by the time the Civil War broke out. However, he was an ally of Stormcloak during the Markarth Incident, and for an undetermined amount of time. He was involved with the Incident directly, and has his own hatreds against the Reachmen. Aethra’s blood is as much on his hands as the executioner’s axe, as Ulfric’s own dripping red arms.

And if you side with the Stormcloaks, and if you free Skyrim under the shriveled reach of the Empire, the Silver-Bloods claim Jarldom. Which.. Well, I’ll let Ingold do the talking here:

The Imperials were weak. They created this Forsworn problem, but now that we're in charge we'll solve it. Once the war is over, I'll petition Ulfric to send the militia and we'll cleanse the Reach of this menace. Then the Forsworn will be where they belong. In the mines, bringing us wealth.

Which is.. Rather ironic. Ulfric created the Forsworn “problem” by invading the land that had been theirs for centuries. Furthermore, Stormcloak guardsmen don’t appear to care much for the settlements outside the heavily fortified Markarth:

Let the Forsworn ravage the Reach. Talos favors us. Our victory is assured.

Tell that to the lightly protected Karthwasten, fellas. Maybe that was intentional, as the wealthiest man in Karthwasten is a native of the Reach, and refuses to sell his mine to the Stormcloak-aligned Silver-Bloods. I doubt the writers were that thorough, but I want to believe.

Keep in mind that this isn’t a commendation of the Empire, given their shitty treatment of the Reachmen in the past and the delays they had in recognizing the Reach as a nation-state. I also have my own issues with the Forsworn and their imagery as “savages”, given our own treatment of aboriginal peoples, but this is another drunken rant for another drunken time.

This is, however, critical look at Ulfric Stormcloak, and an often-overlooked part of Skyrim’s history.

(I feel like I should also add, you don’t imprison people for war crimes. You execute them. So.. Ulfric got off easy. You can cry about how “he wasn’t allowed to attend his dad’s funeral”, but he committed crimes against humanity. You aren’t exactly allowed a break from prison for crimes that severe.)

[ariannadi]

Undefinable

Part seven of my Skyrim thing! There be steamy bits below the cut, mateys… milk-drinkers… I dunno, enjoy.

Vilkas x Marlyna

The first thing Marly noticed upon waking was just how warm she was.

Being Nord-blooded meant she didn’t have to worry about catching a chill, but this felt entirely different. It was only when she breathed in the distinct scent of pine, musk, and dog that her eyes flew open and she discovered the source.

She was curled up against a very naked Vilkas - she herself faring no better.

Memories of the night before suddenly flooded her mind; soothing embraces that led to heated kisses, heated kisses that led to wandering hands, wandering hands that led to discarded clothing.

And, Divines, perhaps the most intense and pleasurable sex she had ever experienced. Vilkas was powerful in his movements, but tender all the same, and it had rendered her heart swollen and her core aching.

Even now, her body vibrated at the thought, which ultimately stirred Vilkas from his halfhearted slumber. His steely eyes peeled open, lazily settling on Marlyna’s face, and her heart thundered at the drowsy smirk he offered.

“Morning,” he muttered, his hand sliding up and down the curve of her hip. Marlyna’s breath caught, before she carefully climbed over him, her legs settling on either side of his waist.

“Morning,” she echoed as she leaned forward, pressing a suckling kiss to the underside of his jaw. “We can take our time in leaving, right?”

Vilkas groaned at her ministrations, his body reacting to the direct contact of flesh against flesh. “Aye, we could remain here until the next era and I wouldn’t have a complaint in mind.”

Marlyna giggled at the inquiry, her laughter muffled by Vilkas’ lips as they heatedly sought hers. Things only escalated after that, the man rolling her beneath him despite the cramped space of the single bed.

“You make me lose myself, woman,” he breathed against her breast, before taking the nipple into his mouth. Marlyna gasped, her fingers twining through his inky locks as he lavished the mound of flesh with his teeth and tongue.

“Is that a-ah, good thing?” Marlyna bit out, a hoarse cry leaving her throat when he switched his attentions to her neglected breast. His hand sneakily shifted downward all the while, his skilled fingers coming in contact with her center and rendering her without a single coherent thought.

“A wonderful thing,” Vilkas purred into her flesh, chuckling darkly when her hips snapped upward. The woman swiftly hooked her legs around his waist then, she herself flashing a pleased grin when Vilkas let out a strangled groan. “So impatient,” he tutted in a hiss, sliding his length along her slick entrance.

“You bring it out of me,” Marlyna replied, giving a permissible nod when he paused just before entering her. The pair moaned in unison, Vilkas nearly shaking as he visibly restrained himself.

“Marly-” the man groaned, but was silenced when Marlyna fiercely claimed his lips, her feet digging into his ass in encouragement and urging him to let go.

Vilkas’ thrusts became more fervent in an instant, causing Marlyna to cry out as her hands scrambled to grip his shoulders. 

The couple moved together with a raw passion - a curious reflection to their dynamics in battle. Only then did Marlyna recall something Aela had mentioned once in passing, and that was that the twins of Jorrvaskr were notable for being warriors in any scenario; their prowess underlying every action.

And now, writhing beneath her lover with a wanton smile and flushed cheeks, Marly could confirm such a statement.

Lover. That’s what he was to her now, wasn’t it? She wasn’t sure how she felt about that.

“By Ysmir, you’re lovely like this,” Vilkas sighed as his reflective eyes roamed her face. Marlyna just reached upward to kiss him, whimpering into his mouth when his fingers found her core again.

The act alone was enough to bring her to the edge, as evidenced by the simmering heat in her lower abdomen. Seeking release, she urged Vilkas to speed up his motions in the form of her nails digging into the muscle of his back.

“Vilkas, I’m-” she panted, groaning as he bent his head and sunk his teeth into the soft flesh of her neck.

“That’s it, Marly. Come for me,” he commanded of her in that deep baritone of his, and instantly she climaxed; his name leaving her throat in a broken cry.

Too busy embracing her own high, Marlyna barely registered Vilkas following suit, his body ungracefully slumping on top of hers. Normally she’d waste no time in shoving him off, but she rather enjoyed the damp heat of his body against hers.

For some time after the two simply collected their senses, before Marly felt Vilkas carefully slip from her. Her heart fluttered when he urged her to lay on her side, then shifted so his chest was flush against her back. His arms winded snugly around her waist, and his head came to rest in the crook of her shoulder.

“A beast in battle, and in the sheets,” Marlyna teased him breathlessly, smiling when he softly laughed into her skin.

“And you, Marly, are a minx,” he retorted, the woman rolling her eyes in response.

“Yeah, yeah,” she drawled, her fingers nonchalantly tapping at his knuckles as she contemplated a sudden thought. “Vilkas?”

“Hm?” he responded, his lips brushing her neck and eliciting a pleasant shiver from her.

“Mm…” she purred, but quickly snapped out of it. “What… I mean, what are we now? What does this mean?”

Vilkas seemed to consider his answer, as he took a few seconds to respond. When he finally did, Marlyna couldn’t help but shudder at his response.

“It means, woman,” he began, nipping at her shoulder, “That the moment we get back to Jorrvaskr, you’re moving your belongings to my quarters.”

Marly didn’t know what to say; replying with a simple, albeit surprised, “Oh.” 

He wanted to go steady with her?

Her companion seemed to take her reaction negatively. “Marly… I don’t want this to be meaningless. I think with some time and effort we could genuinely make something out of whatever this is.” Vilkas explained. “But,” he sighed, “If you want something casual, I can do that, too. And… if you don’t want anything after this, then let me know now.”

But Marlyna very much knew what she wanted, and she made that known as she turned over in his arms, her fingers reaching up into his hair as she pressed a tender kiss to his lips.

“I like the idea of figuring it out as we go,” she whispered, offering him a little smile. Vilkas blinked at her, before he too smiled, his eyes visibly brightening. “And,” Marlyna continued, tapping the divot in his chin, “I wouldn’t mind sleeping in your quarters. Kynareth knows the whelp’s area stinks to high heavens - especially with Torvar being there.”

That earned her a genuine laugh from the man, his whiskers tickling her skin as he nuzzled the tip of his nose into her hair.

 Once they actually pried themselves from the bed, it took them almost half of a day to reach the gates of Whiterun, and from there the two warriors made a beeline straight to Jorrvaskr.

“And the weary pair returns!” Farkas whooped from his seat the moment Vilkas and Marlyna entered the mead hall. The elder of the twins just cocked a brow, while Marly let out a little laugh.

“It’s good to be home, Farkas,” she said in greeting, before turning to Vilkas. “I’ll just start moving my things downstairs. Unless…” she batted her lashes coyly, “You’ve changed your mind?”

“Never,” Vilkas growled, his hands reaching for her hips. “Don’t be long.”

Marlyna only smirked, pulling away from him to traipse down to the living quarters - Vilkas’ eyes following her every move until she disappeared below.

“So, you and Marly?” Farkas questioned when Vilkas sat next to him.

“Aye,” he answered, reaching for a plate and piling it with various bits of food. “Me and Marly.”

Farkas’ eyes nearly sparkled, which was customary for the oaf whenever something delighted him.

“Looks like Athis owes me two-hundred septims,” he then muttered, casting an “I told you so” look to the Dunmer seated at the opposite end of the table.

Vilkas eyed his twin suspiciously. “You were placing bets on us while we were away?”

Farkas shook his head. “Nay, we’ve been betting for months now. Just figured something would happen this time around.”

The leaner of the brothers scoffed, stuffing a heap of food into his mouth. 

“Didn’t know it was that obvious,” he grumbled as he swallowed, prompting a hearty chuckle from Farkas.

“I knew you liked her the moment you started training her,” his brother said with a knowing smirk. “Your eyes always went a little further south than necessary.”

Vilkas wasted no time punching Farkas in the arm, the bigger man snickering in response.

But, despite the teasing, he was glad his brother approved.

[vekkulipoika]

15 More Or Less Odd Questions About Skyrim Because Why Not

1. A boring one at first. Guildmaster, Listener, Harbinger or Archmage? (BETTER WALK WITH THE SHADOWS, BITCH. Okay, just kidding. But seriously.)

2. Did you help Faendal or Sven get the girl or did you just leave it hanging because two grown ass men should be able to handle their own relationships without the help of a random person who almost got eaten by the First-Born of Akatosh for fuck's sake

3. Did you shiv the shit out of Madanach or did you watch him and his Forsworn mates go on an old-fashioned bloody rampage in the streets of Markarth? 

 4. Why, do you think, does Serana cover her head with a hood in broad daylight but leaves her cleavage conveniently exposed? (Hey, come on, who hasn't spend their evenings considering Serana's cleavage? I mean. Uh. Moving on.) 

 5. Do you think Mercer Frey and Maven Black-Briar would make a good couple? In other words, DO YOU SHIP IT TOO? In other words... validate my rubbish ship, please. 

6. Now a question that will determine your worth as a person. Did you kill Paarthurnax because Dolphin and Ice-Burn asked you to? (Not that I'm judging if you did. But I'm judging you if you did.) 

7. Okay, time to start a duel! Who is sexier, Brynjolf or Serana? (FIIIIIIIGHT! In a ring. With mud. Shirtless. Thank you.)

8. Do you feel bad about having to whack poor old Eldergleam in order to complete the quest because for some reason Bethesda forced us to abuse a tree? 

 9. DOES SKYRIM BELONG TO THE NORDS? 

 10. Have you read all the volumes of The Lusty Argonian maid? (A.K.A. Tamriel's best scaly porn. Tamriel's not very good at scaly porn.) 

11. Have you left Cicero going "ow ow aagh ow ow OW aaaaaagh" in one of those corridors with huge swingins axes just because he can't die and you couldn't be bothered to pull the chain? 

12. Have you committed the most unspeakable of crimes? That is, have you KILLED A CHICKEN? (The guards are coming for you, you lawless savage! Justice for the poultry!) 

13. Have you ever wondered how Ulfric is supposed to fix Skyrim when he can't even fix his fucking stairs? 

14. Raise your hand if you hate the way Dragon Priests float around like pricks when you try to kill them. STOP FLYING AROUND ASSHOLE YOU'RE AN UGLY KITE 

15: What's so special about Camilla Valerious, anyway? Geez, why don't those guys in Riverwood just get over themselves and marry each other. (I'm not sure if that qualifies as a question or no.)

[electronicdelusionstarlight]

Got the Extended Starting Scene Mod for Skyrim

I decided, for once, to follow Ralof to Riverwood instead of Hadvar, And I must say, the game REALLY tries to make you escape with Ralof:

1) The mod adds ULFRIC STORMCLOAK as a follower during the first half of the Dragon Attack, just before you reach the Spider Nest. The thing is, the mod just uses unused parts of the vanilla game, which means in origin YOU WOULD HAVE STARTED THE GAME WITH ULFRIC SHOUTING OPPOSITION AWAY. Tullius isn’t available for the imperial one.

2) Stormcloak Loot is Ass, literally the worst of the game. Fortunately, you only get it if you run away with Hadvar. If you run away with Ralof, you can get: Imperial Light Armor, 3 different instances of imperial heavy armor, which is in between steel and armor and is awesome early game, and a unique light armor helmet called torturer hood, which is the best helmet you can get in the keep.

Like, the only reason why you would go out with them is just so you can get good heavy armor right at the start.

Also, Stormcloaks don’t have Helmets???

3) After you enter the keep, the first enemy you find is the Female Imperial Captain who has been a bitch to you the whole intro. Also, telling how the only female imperial captain other then Rikke is 1) a Nords and 2) a bitch. Sexist much?

She also has a goddamn Imperial Bow + iron Arrows on her, that thing is, what, the best early game bow you can find? It’s a miracle she didn’t also have Steel Arrows, really. She isn’t even that difficult to fight considering you have ULFRIC at your side.

4) If you accidentally hit Ulfric once he will cut you down where you stand. All that talk about you joining the rebellion and then he kills you over a misconceived slight while yelling “SKYRIM BELONGS TO THE NORD”. I’m even one of the beast races this time, for fuck sake. I’m an Imperial yes, but still...

5) Main reason why I escaped with Ralof this time however, other that I can’t use the “I’m an Argonian and Hadvar has shown respect over my traditions, I’ll go with him instead of the asshole who wants me to go to Sovengard” as an excuse since I’m an imperial now, because I wanted to see what his sister ad to say about the war.

And Oh Boy...

6) First thing we see from Ralof and his sister is him telling his 9 YEARS OLD NEPHEW that it’s not gona take long before he will join the stormcloaks.

HE WANTS HIS 9 YEARS OLD NEPHEW TO TAKE PART IN A WAR THAT IS KILLING COUNTLESS INNOCENT MEN AND WOMEN, A WAR ULFRIC HIMSELF CONSIDER POINTLESS AFTER YOU MEET HIM IN SOVENGARDE FOR FUCK SAKE. AND HE WANTS HIM TO DIE FOR IT!

AND HE EVEN TELLS IT IN FRONT OF THE BOY PARENTS! LIKE, ZENITHAR ALMIGHTY THAT’S SO FUCKED UP.

7) I also love how Gerdur main gripe against Balgruuf is that “he’s gona make the wrong choice because he doesn’t like Ulfric”. Like, no mention on how Whiterun is dependent on Imperial Trade or how Balgruuf, as many nords, is loyal to the death or something. Nope, the best Jarl in the game is gona make a wrong choice because of Personal, Selfish reasons... I thought we were talking about Balgruuf not Ulfric Gerdur, keep your names straight.

8) Also, I love how no one has had the decency to mention the Forsworn Incident... UNLIKE ALVOR WOULD HAVE.

9) As a Side note, I finally find out that Alvor’s Daughter has some problems with her mother because, while her mother wants her to be interested in girly things, she’s more interested in fighting and smiting. I think it’s implied by some of their discussions that she actually wanted to be born a boy? Maybe I’m reading into it.

10) Also, I can’t help but be a bit ticked off every time Ralof starts praising Ulfric great tactical skills. I mean, Hadvor believed that Ulfric awoke the Dragons (Which is dumb), but at least he didn’t go on and on how Tullius was an exemple of virtue that did nothing wrong really.

[gayhanguangjun]

so i went through a lot of trouble to get Mjoll the Lioness to be my follower but she just yelled "Skyrim belongs to the Nords!!!" in battle and??? my elf ass just hired a fucking racist to aid me in battle....