#skj:solo

[rkkangjoon]

.photography is art

ROYALs WHITE LOTUS Lee Seunghwan alias Seo Kang Joon DE:CODE Photoshooting February 2020 Evaluation

a feeling of familiarity fell upon him, when he looked over his shoulder, glancing at the camera in front of him. the whole set up, lights, bright background, cameras and monitors, people who would busily rush around to fix the make up or the hair, kang joon knew it all too well. and actually it had been a feeling he had missed in a way he didn't believe he would. since joining royal entertainment as trainee three years ago, kang joon had rarely done any photoshoots as model, even though it had been quite fun. it was strange, but it felt natural to him to stand there, giving the photographer a few gazes like he wanted him to, posing or moving lightly for the other to capture it. maybe it was the force of his natural charm that made photoshoots easier for him, maybe the experience he had gained from the model jobs he had in the past.

whatever it was, it felt good to actually engage in a different kind of activitiy than dancing, even though he had to admit that he had slowly gotten used to daily dance practice. nonetheless, he had fun, it was easing and relaxing to show off his charms and looks without having to think a lot. his movements were just flowing, he listened to the few instructions the photographer gave him effortlessly, let his amber coloured eyes wander across the staff watching him. kang joon knew that he was handsome and that he was giving off the right vibes. he knew that he was pulling in the gazes of everyone, and that was where his confidence came from.

he smirked, when the man behind the camera called him over to take a look at the result. it was exciting everytime to see how a photographer was able to catch a moment, a gaze, a smile. photography was like art and he was the canvas.

[rkkangjoon]

.jealousy  |  skj eval solo

ROYAL’s White Lotus         presents Monsta X - Jealousy Position: Center; Lines: Kihyun & Shownu Team: @rkxjongsuk as Wonho, @rkkmh as Jooheon, @rkseokwoo as I.M, @rkmeiqi as Minhyuk, NPC as Hyungwon

he admitted he was probably the sloppiest dancer among all royal trainees, despite being with the royal garden for almost 2 years. it still held him up to choose a song he liked to perform for this month’s evaluation because he was greedy enough to try and show his sex appeal. this greed would be probably his doom, because he would look like a joker within his rooster of fellow trainees that promised to help him out with his center performance. he in return had volunteered in their performances. equality was important, wasn’t it?

the month had passed in the blink of an eye, with all the hours spent in the practice rooms, he felt his at the beginning sour body becoming stronger than ever. he looked at the bunch of people behind him and gave them a encouraging nod, when he entered the practice room. he of course had told them beforehand how much of a klutz he felt when it came to dancing, but still wasn’t willing to give up just because of this handicap. he wasn’t honestly not sure how long he was in love with the idea of becoming a trainee and would return to his original dream of a pianist and actor, but as long as his heart was longing for this goal, he had to give it his all, despite all hardships.

kang joon felt like a masochist, when stood in front of the trainers, stating which song his group would perform, since he had entered the room with people who actually knew how to dance. he had tried his hardest to copy the movements as smooth as he could, asked the others for their help, especially meiqi who had been willing to stay with him until his dance moves were acceptable and pulled all-nighter after all-nighter. this was supposed to end bad. and if it wasn't bad enough like this, kang joon couldn't help but glance to seokwoo, whenever he had a chance. they had befriended each other again, but kang joon was still curious about how his ex-boyfriend did during this eval and how sexy his dance would look.

the male stepped forward, giving the others a signal to get to their positions. breathing in deeply, he told his heart to calm down. the music began and kang joon let his body remember the dance routine.

standing in the center, he lifted his right arm, in sync with his team mates, slowly waving the straighted fingers. sensually he put his hand down, holding it in front of his face, glancing over to the trainers with his amber coloured eyes. this part was good so far. as soon as the beat began, he dropped down to the ground, turned around, supported himself with his arm. meiqi had helped him out a lot, he couldn’t lether down now. kang joon pushed himself forward, thrusted his hip.

(Ye-ye-ye-ye-ye-ye-yeh) We’re not anything but what is this? (Ye-ye-ye-ye-ye-ye-yeh) Why do you keep coming into my eye?

everyone changed their positions smoothly. kang joon’s eyes didn’t dart from one trainer to the other anymore, he kept on staring straight, trying to hold his facial expression while doing his best to get the performance right. he really liked the song and the sexy keydance, so this was his main motivation to perform. 

A little, jealousy The way you look at someone Other than me Jealousy Stop talking 

as soon as the chorus began, kang joon was in the center position again, jumping effortlessly, switching to the said keydance, head slightly tilted, a cheeky grin on his lips. he wasn’t the best dancer, but his charisma was no joke, he was confident when it came to that. 

Stop talking to me about other people Stop it

A little, jealousy Let’s get closer Let’s fill this gap between us Jealousy I can’t even imagine you Being with someone else

kang joon was a jealous man, and he supposed it gave him some kind of advantage as he knew how to express himself, maybe even earning him the needed points after a just average dance routine.

[rkkangjoon]

.father  |  skj eval solo

September 2018 Evaluation

ROYAL'S WHITE LOTUS Lee Seunghwan alias Seo Kang Joon Song: Hwang Chiyeol - Father

Felt like this month's evaluation topic was made just for him since him thinking about his family all the time was a important aspect of his personality. There had been some occassions for him to express his heartfelt thoughts about his family, especially to his mother so it was quite easy to decide on a song for his father instead. And since it had been a while he of course choose a ballad which he felt was most suited for the evalution.

The lyrics weren't quite accurate, as Kang Joon never grew to the age of hating his father before he passed away, but he wished to. He would have loved to experience a palette of feelings towards his family, his mother, his father, to get to know them and himself better. Coming to hate him for a certain amount of teenage or adolescene years would have been better than missing him almost all his life long. At least that was his opinion.

So everytime when Kang Joon heard others complaining about how annoying their old folks were, he was always envious. Wouldn't it be much better to have annoying parents instead of asking yourself what annoying parents mean?

When he got called into the practice room to get evaluated, he shoke a little. His trainers knew of his family tragedy. They probably expected him to sing a heartbroken song about his mother again, sad and passionate like they had seen him times before. But this time was different. This time his song would bear a different meaning. This song would be for the man he strived to be someday.

He simply stood in the center of the room, bowed to the trainers shortly before lifting his head again. He didn't prepared some kind of dance routine at all, since he thought that the expression was more important than dance moves he would never be able to carry out perfectly.

I want you to know why I couldn't take a step closer Do you know how much I wanted that? Your lonely appearance is gradually getting far It makes my heart ache again

We loved each other, we hated each other But you cared for me and that's who I miss You were close but I couldn't step towards you But yes, I loved you

Please listen to my story I need time

What I only kept deep inside my heart Yes, I loved you

He cosed his eyes, not watching the trainers' reaction this time around. He didn't needed to know what was going on in their heads, he just wanted them to feel what he wanted to express with this kind of song. Kang Joon knew he was still lacking in singing, there were people who were a lot better than him, but as long as he was allowed to sing, his voice would reach the heavens.

[rkkangjoon]

.paper heart  |  rkjune18eval

ROYAL's White Lotus Seo Kang Joon June'18 Evaluation Colour: White Song: ♫ KREAM - 종이심장 (paper heart) Style |x|

Nervosity gave him chills, the topic of this month’s evaluation was a rather difficult in his opinion. Choose a colour and express it, his trainers had told him, which was much more difficult than it sounded. He didn’t wanted to seem boring or lazy with his choice, but since he had heard of other’s how they had just choosen their favorite colour he thought it would be ok somehow. At times he seemed to be a practical type, after a few ideas which were more of a joke than real suggestions, he had found a song title he was immediately fond of.

Kang Joon stood in front of the practice room, itching to open the door and just start, as he waited for the trainers to call him in. At the sound of his birth name, he flinched and opened the door, just to knock his head lightly at the edge. The male overplayed it with a nervous chuckle, before bowing to the trainers in greeting. “Hello, I, Royal’s White Lotus, would like to perform "Paperheart”.“ Since the day he had joined Royal Ent. he had worshipped the idea of a Royal Garden that nurtured its beautiful flowers.

The past weeks had turned his current life upside down. His heart was roaring in confusion, he wasn’t really sure what he wanted anymore. The only the was sure of was that he yearned for somebody to love and devote his feelings for. So he just wanted to pour his everything in this song, dedicate it to the person he would sing this song to in the future.

It was the role he somehow had found himself in, someone who maybe too often choose ballads and sad love serenades to perform. But at the same time, he felt like it portrayed him the best. And he didn't intended to have this side of him, his romantic side, taken away, just because he didn't show enough variety in his song choices. Dreamingly, he closed his eyes and started to sing.

That is the first line I've seen you draw 하얀 종이 심장 속에 In your white paper heart 그를 마주치는 매 순간마다 Every single moment we meet 조금씩 선명해져 It's a little bit clearer 넌 가슴속에 아름다운 동화책을 꿈꿔 Dreaming of a beautiful fairy tale in your heart

첫 페이지 속에 둘은 달콤한 On the first page, there are two 이야길 쓰고 있었는데 Sweet words written there 낯선 길에 들어선 뒤 Behind an unfamiliar path 짙은 안개 속에 갇힌 채 Stuck in a thick fog 서서히 멀어지고 있어 Slowly moving further away

He bopped his head along the melody, as he took out white origami paper hearts out of his pocket and gave every trainer one, a smile on his lips, as he kept on singing. Since his MGAs days, he had been fond of himself liking origami, as it had helped them to surprise people with their handmade paper diamonds. White was Kang Joon's colour, it was the colour he wanted to grow for, he wanted to represent to the fullest.

아름답던 종이 심장이 Beautiful paper heart 아픔과 상처들로 채워져 가 Filled up with pain and scars 오해 속에 찢겨버린 Torn by misunderstandings 기억의 조각들이 Pieces of your memories are 눈꽃처럼 흩어져 Scattering like snowflakes 하얗게 So white 새하얗게 Brilliantly white

그에 곁에서 배우는 감정들에 Emotions I learned there 색을 그려 넣어 You draw the colors 화려한 불꽃처럼 믿을 수 없는 Unbelievable like a colorful flame 마법이 펼쳐지고 Magic blossoms 둘은 끝이 없는 The two are endless 동화 속 주인공이 된 것 같아 I want to be the main character in the fairy tale

[rkkangjoon]

.born to act  |  skj solo

Finally there was another evaluation that was targeting acting achievements. As soon as Kang Joon had heard about it, he had become a puppy excited over its toy. It was kind disappointing to hear the trainers expected the trainees to focus on only one scene, when he wanted to take part in many projects. Even then, he had no doubt about which scene he wanted to devote himself to. There had been always one character from a webtoon based drama, Kang Joon had identified himself with. Baek Inho was basically him, a thuglike guy who loved playing the piano and himself, who slowly opened himself up and showed his caring side. With his height, amber coloured eyes and brownish hair, he tended to think that he suited that role, so he easily choose the drama Cheese in the Trap to prepare for the evaluation at the end of the month.

He had always been the one to just play a secondary role, someone who didn’t brought attention to himself with overwhelming talents as he was at most medicore. The only thing he was sure about was the reason of why he had been chosen to become a flower in the Royal Garden: His visuals. But they weren’t by far the only thing he got to offer to the world as they only portrayed one facette of him. Acting was one way to show the world otherwise.

So he was burning for the evaluation, run around Royal and the Seocho Complex to find people willing to join him in his scene. Everything else was prepared, the lines for every one of them, space in a training room to exercise in. Just the actors were left.

[rkkangjoon]

.camouflage  |  skj solo

ROYAL's White Lotus Seo Kang Joon

February 2018 Evaluation Song & Dance: Boa-Camo Outfit

Kang Joon entered the training room with a big smile on his lips, nodding at his trainer, as he was secretly looking forward to this special evaluation. Of course he wouldn't enjoy the dance part as much as the singing, despite all training sessions he still felt he was lacking a lot, but doing a song of a female artist would be a whole lot fun. Matching the chosen song, he wore a camouflage jacket. It probably hasn't been the best choice of performances Kang Joon had chosen, as he was more than just a lacking dancer, his singing was far from perfection as well. But the Royal trainee was a fighter, a warrior, facing the challenge itself and determined to prove himself otherwise. He thought of the flower meaning he had picked as nickname among the others of the Royal garden. Only if he went through hard times, walking down the difficult path, was he able to grow and become successful.

"Please start.", the trainer said without losing time, signaling him with his hand were to stand in order to judge his performance the best. The music began, a beat was dropped instantly and Kang Joon's smiling grimace turned into a more charismatic version of himself. His right hand slipped toward his temple, moving his arm with the rhythm. Then he tilted his head, pointing at his trainer, before clenching both of his hands to fists, straight up in the air, showing off his biceps, while slightly turning to the side. He locked eyes with the man watching him, and kept the eye contact while singing.

Hidden in the sweetness, oh Are those words, easy as the wind It won't go through to me, ah I'm not that easy, ah

In this typical, trembling situation I'm testing you out with this conversation It's not a lie, no no But I'm hiding my heart just enough, oh yeah Hey, baby

If there was something Kang Joon was confident in, it was his stage presence and his charisma. The song had a sensitive, sexy vibe to it, and once he was able to get rid of his clumsy appearance during dancing due to his constant training and the help of countless friends, he was positive to convey the needed body language. There it was, one of the key moves, moving both arms up and down, rolling the head on his shoulders, until he crossed his arms and smirked at the trainer. He swayed his body, pushing the hand away, stepped sidewards, moving in a half circle, before rolling his whole body, shortly looking down for a few moments.

Slipping into the chorus, he thought words of admiration to the original singer, as he slowly felt his limbs. So far he hadn't done any mistakes yet, and his singing had been on a constant level. The trainee lifted his arm above himself, throwing back his head and went down on his knees, touching the floor with one hand. His amber coloured eyes gazed at his trainer once again, as he rised himself.

In the darkness With all the lights off I've hidden my shadow I can't be tied down To some place tonight My face has changed My heart is moving But my camouflage will hide it (Ooh)

His heart was racing, and it was unbearly warm, as he kept on dancing. The trainer scribbled down a few notes, before he continued watching him. Probably his alltime weakness, the high notes had been the a minus point once again. But Kang Joon hadn't the time to think about it, as he was in need to continue the performance. He twisted his body and turned around, looking over his shoulder, swaying his arms like he did before, without breaking off the intense eye contact and the playful smirk. The younger male knew of his looks and his charms, but he did his best to do his own thing, and perform the way he moved, instead of imitating the movement of a woman which was impossible to him.

I still don't know, yeah My own heart (Ooh) The thick colors of the camouflage Cover up the new world that'll surprise me (Ooh)

The purple light that's like loneliness, uh huh The black light that never has a flaw They're mixed together as it wraps around, oh me oh

I've thoroughly hidden my truth But I discovered something deep inside my emotions The one answer that my experience has taught me, oh yeah And baby

With a strong smack, he pushed away the tail of his camouflage jacket, rushing from one side of the room to the other. As he quickly proceeded in the song duration, he turned his focus on the high notes during the last chorus, challenging himself to do better than in the beginning. As artist and singer, he needed to constantly improve, even during a performance. It didn't mattered how hard it was to keep on his smiling face or breathing normally, nor did it mattered if his limbs were trembling in contraction, as it was a act of strength for the leftfooted male to dance. With the approach of the end of the song, he had to become a better version of himself, leaving behind the camouflage he had tried to hide behind, like done so many times before.

Yeah, look more carefully for me, yeah Look more carefully (Ooh)

Out of all the images of me That countlessly changed There's only one that is for you The hidden camouflage (Ooh)

Come to me seriously, yeah Come (Ooh) With the color that resembles you My camouflage gets lighter (Ooh)

[rkkangjoon]

. choco quest  |  skj solo

if there weren’t a reason for him to visit this event, he would have just stayed at home. but since he intended to buy something, he had to go. dressed in black, he waited in a row to get inside, swiping over his phone as he inched forward slowly. the closer he came to the premises, the bigger the crowd got. while looking around, he noticed countless couples happily walking hand in hand. kang joon rolled his eyes, as he turned away. lovey dovey couples these days made him sick, he wasn’t envious exactly, the contract bounded him after all. but loneliness was his daily companion these days. 

as he finally entered the hall, he was welcomed by big decorated sculptures and sweet, alluring scents. he pulled down the cap, his amber coloured eyes scanned the surroundings, watched what was happening around him. when he found a stall that looked interesting enough, he moved closer, his head tilted. there were only a few days left until white day. he felt the need to buy some chocolate for yooa who had thought about him for valentine’s. 

the chocolatier worked with ease, formed the warm chocolate, showed off his amazing skills. a tingle moved down his spine, as kang joon kept on staring at the flowing sweet gold. the scent was amazing, and he couldn’t look away from the flying hands. slowly a flower was created and the male knew this was what he was looking for. seemed like his quest had been completed. 

[rkkangjoon]

.jelly boy  |  skj solo

.preparation song: aoa cream - i'm jelly baby feat. ♦ royal boy’s hyung line, @rkbyunbaek &@jinseokrk

he liked the idea of performing with the hyung line, even when he felt weird knowing he was now one of the oldest among the royal boys. preparing a performance for the evalution would be fun, as it would show their team work and the possibility of debuting together. since it was unthinkable for the others to crossdress for now, they decided to stay as they were, but quickly came across a song that had a good line distribution. equality was important, and kang joon felt glad to know the other's had his back and wouldn't pressure him, since he wasn't as effective in singing as baekhyun was. nor did he knew how to rap like jinseok either. being part of a team, focusing on a sole role and having someone by his side was incredibly soothing.

but even with all the support from the other's he still had his problems, especially because of his nemesis, the dancing. the moves weren't that hard to remember, but since it was a cute and bright song, he was afraid to not being able to convey the right feeling to it. it was a girl group song, but none of the male trainee intended to do a overly feminine performance. they wanted to give it their own signature, as if they were the original singer. kang joon was used to shoot aegyo, and he would say that he was good, his charisma was no joke after all, but combining it with cutesy dance moves was a different story.

jinseok and baekhyun probably weren't happy about it, as he tended to stay behind after discussing about the song and the performance. it wasn't like he wasn't training with them, synching and asking for advice, but he felt like he after all needed to work hardest, knowing exactly where he was lacking. so staying up late, dancing in front of the mirror until dawn was something he did all month long. he wouldn't dare to drag them down, he wouldn't be the old maid to their jelly boys team.

[rkkangjoon]

//mock interview nov’17 eval  |  skj solo

He sat face to face to the mentor who told him to pretend that they didn’t know each other. Task was to reply to the questions, trying to be as concrete as possible without damaging his own image. Kang Joon had no idea how to remain himself without saying things he might not mean. Sounded hard. The other male began rustling with his stack of papers before lifting his voice, as if he was a reporter to get to know about him.

Please introduce yourself before we are starting with the questions.

Kang Joon lifted himself up from his seat and bowed, smiling brightly. “Hello, I am Royal’s White Lotus Seo Kang Joon. Pleased to meet you.”

Q1.“Your real name isn’t Seo Kang Joon, it is Lee Seunghwan instead. So what’s the reason behind your stage name Seo Kang Joon?”

He hummed, most people didn’t even knew Seo Kang Joon wasn’t his real name. He often introduced himself as Lee Seunghwan but rather liked it to be called Kang Joon. Most people called him Kang Joon anyways, there were just few like his grandmother or his cousin or his ex who called him by his birthname. “Well, there is a sunbaenim who is called Lee Seunghwan…. I felt like I couldn’t dare to become an idol while holding into this name without the pressure to surpass him. At the same time I was afraid to dirty his good name if I were to fail. That’s the only reason. I am not ungrateful towards my late parents, and I will never forget the name they gave me. ”

Q2. “Please name 3 things that describe you the best.”

He leaned back, before replying. “Spectrum, cheesy & cheeky.” The male’s lips formed into a wide grin. “I may look innocent, but there is much more to learn about me, so I guess spectrum is a good word to choose. There are a variety of sides to learn about me. I am a hopeless romantic and sometimes even I found myself pretty cheesy.” The mere grin turned into laughter. “And people often tell me I’m bold because I tend to do things differently from what you would expect.”

Q3. "What do you think about Royal Survival? Who is your favorite and why?"

This was one of the questions he had expected, since the show was drawing Royal Ent. into the focus of citizens right now. The male straigthened his limbs and his back, a hand tabbing on the table between the two of them. "Well, actually there are quite a few people I am cheering on. But if you ask me to choose one favorite it would be definitely be Elly. She is one of my closest friends, so I know about her skills and talents. I think people should just focus her because of that, nothing else.”

Q4. " How was it for you to co-host the Survival show? Is hosting one of the things you want to do as idol?

Nodding in agreement, Kang Joon replied: "I was pretty nervous but at the end of the day I was glad I received the chance to host the show. The Royal show represents our female trainees, so Baekhyun and me could remind Korea about Royal's male trainees as well. It was a good experience and a great opportunity! I would definitely host again, if I received another chance. But acting and modeling are something I want to do as Idol as well." He was thankful for the chance, and he needed to make sure to thank Jisub sunbaenim later.

Q5. “If you have to choose: Who is the most handsome and who the most beautiful among Royal trainees?”

Seemed like a question to provoke him, he thought. “How do you choose the fairest flower in a Royal Garden?” He returned the question with a cheeky smile. “I think our visual line is pretty strong among other companies, and I actually don’t think there is someone who is better looking than the other. But if you want me to choose, I think Baekhyun is easy on the eyes... When I was next to him on stage, I couldn’t take my eyes of his side profile. He has cheekbones one could be envious of... and still has this pure charm that pulls one closer to him and his adorable smile.” Kang Joon nodded. On the other hand he was facing a dilemma, when he was about to choose a pretty female. If he were to follow his guts he would have definitely called out for Rose, but there was no way he could actually do that considering the two of them could easily get under fire again. And choosing Dahye he also had somewhat of a special bond to, and whose beauty he personally adored almost as much as his exgirlfriend’s, would possibly cause a stir as well. Either way, it was troubling for him and the choosen female. “And for the females... I vote for Elly once again!” He shortly said, it was obvious the two of them were close friends, so there was no way one could misunderstand their relationship. “Her mature looks make her stand out, it’s something one has to be born with.”

Q6. “Talking of Baekhyun... During your participation at the MGAs there was a scandal regarding same sex love. Please tell us your thoughts on controversial topics such as homosexuality.”

The question stabbed him right into the chest, as he knew how Korea was a very traditional nation and this kind of topic was a bit of a taboo. Maybe it would be better to stay low, swallowing down his opinion. But that would mean to deny his true self, even though Kang Joon wanted to show the world who he really was. “I’m not against it. I rather support it. And I hope there will be a day, when South Korea can support and accept same sex love as well.” He was bisexual after all, so how could he ever hate on those who loved the same gender? He himself had experienced it before.  “I don’t believe anyone has the right to intervene the love of two humans. Whoever you love, it’s still love.”

Q7. “Does that mean you would date a man?”

He blinked, perplexed after hearing the mentor’s question. He couldn’t really believe what he just heard, the other man was much more pushy than he expected him to be. “Life is busy enough, even without dating.” Kang Joon replied, mistrustful gazing at the other’s eyes. The male wouldn’t give him a chance to be alarmed about Kang Joon’s relationship status, unlike at the beginning of his trainingship. He had learned from his mistakes. “And please refrain from sounding disgusted by that thought, it’s nothing bad.” A dangerous glint flickered in his amber coloured eyes.

Q8. “Fine... Then please tell me what kind of concept do you hope to debut with?”

Brushing through his light brown hair, he averted his amber coloured gaze for a short moment in order to collect his words. Kang Joon wouldn’t show his anger about the rudeness from the older man. This wasn’t the time. “It would be awesome to debut in a co-ed group, if you ask me.” He laughed a fake smile. He had no idea what he was actually talking about since he had never really thought about a group concept before. “Having to balance between female and male aspects we wouldn’t do too strong or too cute concepts I believe… I rather feel like we could pursue a deeper concept, which tells stories to the listeners instead of only capturing them with alluring looks or ear-catching melodies.” Kang Joon was suprised about himself for sounding self-confident and prepared, but he supposed his improvising skills weren’t as bad as he thought.

Q9. “And if you could choose trainees from all companies, who would you want to create a co-ed group with?”

“Oh that’s a easy question. I would love to be with my friends because I know we could enjoy ourselves while having the strongest teamwork. They are like my family, so I believe we would be the coolest gang out there!” Excited he blurred out, without trying to make him sound calmer and more elaborate. “KT has Aron and Gary, those would be my male buddies. Aron could be the talented allround pretty boy, while Gary would be the calm big brother with mad dog rapping skills. And if Elly wouldn’t win the Survival show, even though I am most certain she will, she would be the strong and cool female counterpart to him, independent and in charge of the sexy charm. Since there are three males we would need two more girls and there won’t be better choices than Sphere’s Minhee and Nova’s Wendy. The two of them have bubbly personalities, as Minhee is super attentive and caring and Wendy is gentle and kind and sweet to everyone. Also their charming harmony would serve the vocal parts of our group well. And I for my part would be the dumb visual who could take care of acting and variety.” His eyes glinted in excitement, when he imagined things. The mentor blinked before nodding in agreement. “Oh! And other choices for a group would be Rose, Dahye, Soohyun, Jihyun and Yooa… wait…” The male cover his eyes with one hand, while cackling. “This isn’t a co-ed group anymore… I suppose I could try be part of a girlgroup as well.” He joked which made the mentor laughing out as well before telling Kang Joon to move on to the next question.

Q10. “What kind of advice would you give new trainees coming in to your company?”

The male scratched his chin, before looking right into his mentors eyes again. “They should think about a flower name beforehand.” Kang Joon laughed about his own answer, as he remembered how he had struggled to find a good flower name for quite some time. “And please enjoy the stay here.”

[rkkangjoon]

December Evaluation 2017 #SKJ Solo                                               Christmas Party with the families

Kang Joon never realized how much he liked children, now that he was surrounded by bright smiles. He had been always a single child, always holding back the wish of having a younger sibling. That was probably the reason why he often reached out to his closest friends who he trusted with his life, and behaved around them like real family would do. Everyone was hella excited, the staff had done their best to decorate the room in most festive way. A glowing christmas tree stood in the center of everything, the children run around, laughing out loud, staring at the trainees with big eyes before returning to their parents shrieking and giggling. 

A little boy came running towards him. “Hyung, play with me!” He said, as he grabbed the male’s hand and pulled him with him. Perplexed Kang Joon followed, a crooked smile on his lips. There were a lot of toys to play, so the decision was hard for the young child. Happily he sat down and began to shove plushies towards the taller male, imitating voices he had heard from TV and acted out scences. Kang Joon played along, before he noticed a white piano closeby. “Hey, little one. How about playing the piano?” He asked before rising himself and moving over. At the touch of the keys, he began to smile widely. A christmas song, a christmas song... He thought about it, before choosing that particular song, his grandma used to play this time of the year. It wasn’t exactly a fitting song, but it still was related to the holidays. His little friend sat down next to him, mustering him with a delighted look on his face. 

Afterwards the two of them sat down, and started to sip some hot cocoa. So this was how it felt like to have a little brother. 

[rkkangjoon]

.tame me

                                                   | KREAM(크림) - 길들여줘 (Tame me) |

[/trigger warning: angst, self-reflection]

This year was a new beginning. A year full of new chances, a year of new hope. He would have to let go of all ill thoughts, of all negativity, fight down depressing and haunting demons pulling him deep into their darkness. He would move on, slowly gathering the pieces of his shattered heart one more time, rise from the ashes of his sadness like a phoenix. This month’s evalution lead him right into his yearned new beginning, so the male decided to pick up on the lyric writing workshop which he had never been to before.

Kang Joon had composed several piano pieces before, from the moment he was able to write, he had banned melodies rushing around his mind on paper. But never did it occure to him to link the compositions with lyrics. Truth to be told he wasn’t that poetic or elaborate with words as his songwriting friends, he was probably to tempered to express himself clearly without running his mouth off. But the new challenge encouraged him to try his luck. He got nothing to lose and writing down what was on his mind for so long might help him to get over these issues.

How often did he looked into the mirror, saw himself as a beast, a monster who tried to remain in the darkness in order to protect the loved ones from being hurt? How many times had bonds shattered from his overwhelming personality, that was like a wild wave hard to take control of and easily given up on? There were times, when he couldn’t understand himself, why he was outlashing, violent, and at the same time was fragil and sensitive. Sometimes he wished someone would just take him in, bury him deep into their heart, never letting go, embracing his faults, even when it meant to bleed until the day he was fully blossomed, overcame his fears and pasts, living up to a world of love and sunshine. 

The pen flew over the paper, as he sat in the workshop, possessed by sudden strike of creativity and inspiration. He let it out, everything, the lines filled themselves. There was much information one could extract from his letter like brainstorming and having the instructor taking a quick look and getting the advice to pick up lines that were linked together, he for the first time held self written lyrics in his own hands. A melody been born in the back of his mind. 

When the stars of the city make me blind, you embraced me I will blossom for you For a long time, i was stuck in a greeny room and crouched, I couldn't blossom petals If sometimes, the thorns sprout from me hurt you Don't pick me Please, tame me Please, tame me I was unwelcome facing the morning sunshine But you gave me a new day I promise you that I will blossom for you I know it's difficult to get along with me And I know it's egocentric to say this to you But please, hold me a little more Even if my incomplete love for you Could hurt your heart against my will If you ever want to leave me before I bloom Don't go too far If i can't get you back What should i do

[rkkangjoon]

.TODAY(오늘은)

♫ “I’m lonely but I wanna be alone”

he had just come home from the plaza festival, his face pale from the cold. kang joon smiled at gomu, who had snuggled himself into his blanket. quietly putting down the keys on the table, before taking of the coat. it had been fun to stroll around with his friends, enjoying the christmas time together with them. he used to be sad during this time of the year, but being loved by his grandmother and by his friends had taken most of the sadness away. there were still times, when he just wanted to be alone, reminiscing about his parents. if he weren’t doing so, he was afraid to someday forget about their faces, and this was his greatest fear. 

slowly walking over to his kitchen, kang joon decided to brew himself a coffee. holidays to spent with the family and the loved ones... he smiled shortly, staring into the cup. this year was about to end, and he wasn’t too sure if it had been a good or bad year. he had been on a rollercoaster of emotions over the past months, repetitions of up and downs had made him tired. he stepped to the window he often watched the sunset from. the sky was clouded, and a little disappointed kang joon let out a sigh, as the sight of a starry night sky would have put his mind to peace. it was freezing outside, and as he leaned on the wall, while keep on staring outside, white snow flakes fell. 

the male rose himself, as he gazed outside in surprise. it wasn’t christmas yet, but enjoying snowy holidays was still more than welcome. he stood there for a few minutes, the amber coloured eyes focused on the sky’s blessing, following each snow flake to the ground. then he turned around and grabbed his coat as well as the portrait of his parents. if his grandmother knew what he did right now, she would have scolded him, but at that very moment kang joon didn’t cared. climbing outside, he carefully found himself a place to sit down, wrapped in his grey coat, hands on his parents photo. he stared up, surrounded by the pure white. it was like the world had stopped just for him to take a deep breath, listening to the enchanting silence of the moment. he might be lonely from time to time, but during moments like this, they were embracing him tightly. and it was ok to be alone, just for today. 

[rkkangjoon]

.worth | oct '17 eval solo

[/tw: beauty standards]

Judgement was one of the guilty pleasures of mankind. He let out a sigh at the sight of the females and males lined up at the measurement area. Fidgting girls who touched the side of their waists, hoping the legs were long and slender enough made him cringe.

He rolled his eyes, this was the last area of the fitness test, probably everyone had showed their physical abilities, so why the hell were the measurement needed? Wasn't showing the physical strength enough? Wasn't being healthy enough? Instead they were called out, one by one, like livestock, short before their butchering. Showbiz was hard, he had known for long, and it made him miserable for all these people getting bended, formed by the iron fist of showbiz. In order to reach their dream they burdened themselves, accepted these unfair things silently, simply went through shit. Kind of sad, but honestly Kang Joon knew himself he was part of this plastic world, as he himself took care of his looks, mind his training in order to have next to facial aspects the right body ratio without looking weak or sick. His height and his face was god given and during his time as model he had rarely received negative feedback. But he supposed for females this whole body thing was much worse, stricter and at the same time a vicious circle probably impossible to break.

The male cracked his knuckles. After the hand gripping test his fingers were quite tired and he was relieved it was almost over. Other males around him made jokes and imitated body building poses, as the waiting to get measured was nervewracking. It was just a number, and still it could mean a lot as it would decide if they would need to start dieting or do extra training. Was giving up on themselves, maybe even destroying their bodies really worth the dream?

[rkkangjoon]

Seo Kang Joon "ROYAL's White Lotus" September 2017 Evaluation Dance || Lovelyz - Ah-Choo 0:25-1:25 (Hoya Version) ||

Maybe his dancing skills wouldn't seem that bad, when he made use of his overflowing charisma. Kang Joon had due to his lack of experience and physical finesse a hard time to choose a dance he would be able to perform satisfactorily. He hated to fail and to loose against his own uselessness. There were many songs he would love to perform, singing and dancing wise, but if he would be able to was a different kind of matter. Since he was a guy a cute girl group dance would probably make the trainers smile, maybe even surprise. Sooner or later he would have to deal with these sort of dance anyway, fanservice was popular among future idols, fans often asked groups to perform songs of the opposite gender after all. And it was not like he had any problem with these kind of things. It had been pretty hard to find a song and a dance he would able to perform well. Of course he hadn't those mad skills dancers had, and even a bootcamp wouldn't change that, but somehow he would manage that. Training and practicing with other trainees whose dancing skills weren't at their peak as well, kind of inspired him. He had seen a lot of different genres these past days, and even though he would dance to a female dance, he wanted to make it a more manly version. His aegyo would shine nonetheless. On the day of his solo performance he felt pretty tingly. Shyness over what was about to happen made his cheeks flush in a soft red. Kang Joon cleared his throat before stating in a clear and loud voice what kind of dance he would show today. The trainers kept their usual pokerface, before signaling him to start. Luckily he wasn't obligated to dance to a full song, and grateful he used the chance to "just" need to prepare a one minute performance. The natural flow of the original performance reflected the bubbly and enthusiastic cute side of the girl group. Sliding into wide, yet elegant moves, using the hands for sweet gestures and tiptoeing while perfectly coordinate the change of positions were part of their feminity. But Kang Joon couldn't hide himself behind others, he was tested individually, in order to judge his progress. He upholded the hand gestures, smiling with a bright smile, despite his hot flushed cheeks. Forming with his fingers a x, he looked at the judges in front of him. Waving his arms over and in front of his head, he stretched out his hand at them like a true gentleman offering a lady his hand to step down from stairs. One arm up, then the second one, he turned around and pretended to call out to somebody with a "yeah". With his back to the trainers, he waited for the rhythm to swing into the chorus, before turning back around, facing them. Then there it was, the key move he had worked on the hardest. Holding the right hand in front of his mouth and nose, like he was sneezing, he threw it back behind his head, the left arm stretched out to the side. Then he put both of his hands on his hips, and did the steps forward and backward not as big in order to make it a cooler, manlier version, before concentrating the sidesteps. Spinning around, he put out his arms in a elegant way, like in a traditional Korean dance. The steps repeated as he varied it different and cute gestures, winks and throwing kisses. As the minute ended faster than expected, he gave a deep bow, before touching his warm cheeks and smiling relieved. He had done it.

[rkkangjoon]

Mash Up Time | Solo

A mashup was different from what he used to perform, and Kang Joon was grateful to his partner to have taken the lead in choosing a song. To be honest with every time they needed to perform a song of their choice the struggle to find a different kind of song afterwards was getting bigger and bigger. He didn't wanted to sound the same everytime, people someday would get bored by the ballads he tended to sing. Variety was what he needed, to prove them and himself that he was developing, growing, rising to become a better version of himself. And still standing there, preparing himself to react to a well mixed mash-up made him shiver like shrivelled up leaves. To create a smooth bridge between two songs with the voice and mood was a challenge. He glanced to his side, just to notice the other seem way calmer than him. Trying hard to supress hyperventilating, he closed his eyes for a moment and imagined how he punched himself. If he now began to feel unsettled, things only could get worse. His performance would suffer from negetative thoughts. So cheering himself up was the best he could do. He needed to believe in himself. Having someone next to him who seem to shine with confidence helped him out a bit, when he was good, Kang Joon would be fine too. This wouldn't be the end. The mashup had taught him to take control over his voice rather let it slip away, to find the balance out of both genres. Following the dance steps they had blended together as well, Kang Joon needed to concentrate more than before. He wasn't sitting at his piano, making sad grimaces to express the feelings of the song. The male worked hard, trying to convey both songs' messages well. It was fun, and probably looked quite entertaining how floppy the tall male appeared during a dance that was simply not created for his two left feet, even though he made progress since the the very disastrous beginning. During the whole progress he would let his gaze wander to his partner and then to the instructors, trying to make out any kind of expression. Did he managed to surprise them even a little? He really really didn't wanted to cry.

[rkkangjoon]

.drowning in a wave of sadness

[/trigger warning: angst, anxiety] Laying on the floor of his apartment, he kept on staring at the night sky. One of the pros of mild summer nights were the fresh air and the cloudless sky which invited him to watch the glowing of the stars and the moon. How many times had he looked above, stretched out his hand, trying to grasp on the far away lights or touch the horizon? How far away were his parents who became part of the heavens, would his voice reach them? He sighed and sat up, to look around. His apartment was dark and lonely. He was all alone, his comrades were still out there, training hard, dancing, representing their company. And he waited in the shadows for the next day to come, as his body hadn't be able to keep up with his mind. Kang Joon ruffled through his hair, shaking his head in disbelief. How weak had he become? Standing up, he walked over to the piano and touched the black and white keys. Even now he wasn't worth to be called a Royal trainee as he had brought shame over them. The male inhaled the damp air, as he had opened the window. Days, weeks, months had passed and Kang Joon felt there had been no change, no break out, no rising. Everything was stagnating, as if the world has suddenly stopped. He exhaled, and leaned on the window ledge. Even though his life had turned 180 degrees, he had lost a love and most of his freedom and at the exact time had gained a ladder towards his dream, he didn't felt like he himself had changed to the better. His improvement was dragging, on the contrary his fellow trainees were flying high. The male slowly let his upper body slump onto the window ledge, let his head hang down and sighing loud. During times like this, when his anxieties, his demons overcame him, he used to call his friend or his girlfriend or boyfriend over, fighting the creepy loneliness in which those dark thoughts lingered in await for a open, a weak spot to slip into his mind with company. He rarely was alone, as the social guy he was. Kang Joon looked over to Gomu was sound asleep, rolled up in his basket. Even the little pub couldn't make him smile at times like this, during those days, when he felt weak and useless, even almost nonexistent. Those thoughts kept on flowing, in the middle of the night and the male finally grabbed a bottle of soju and opened it without hesitation. Putting the bottle on his lips he sat down on the floor once again to gaze at the night sky one more time. What a cruel and yet beautiful world. Gradually the warmth of the alcohol spread across his whole body, intoxicated him. He was drowning himself in a wave of sadness. Closing his eyes he was laying there, without any movement, holding his breath before looking up again. The male took up his phone that was close by. It didn't mattered who would answer, he just needed someone to talk to.