#t:drowning in a wave of sadness

[rkkangjoon]

.drowning in a wave of sadness

[/trigger warning: angst, anxiety] Laying on the floor of his apartment, he kept on staring at the night sky. One of the pros of mild summer nights were the fresh air and the cloudless sky which invited him to watch the glowing of the stars and the moon. How many times had he looked above, stretched out his hand, trying to grasp on the far away lights or touch the horizon? How far away were his parents who became part of the heavens, would his voice reach them? He sighed and sat up, to look around. His apartment was dark and lonely. He was all alone, his comrades were still out there, training hard, dancing, representing their company. And he waited in the shadows for the next day to come, as his body hadn't be able to keep up with his mind. Kang Joon ruffled through his hair, shaking his head in disbelief. How weak had he become? Standing up, he walked over to the piano and touched the black and white keys. Even now he wasn't worth to be called a Royal trainee as he had brought shame over them. The male inhaled the damp air, as he had opened the window. Days, weeks, months had passed and Kang Joon felt there had been no change, no break out, no rising. Everything was stagnating, as if the world has suddenly stopped. He exhaled, and leaned on the window ledge. Even though his life had turned 180 degrees, he had lost a love and most of his freedom and at the exact time had gained a ladder towards his dream, he didn't felt like he himself had changed to the better. His improvement was dragging, on the contrary his fellow trainees were flying high. The male slowly let his upper body slump onto the window ledge, let his head hang down and sighing loud. During times like this, when his anxieties, his demons overcame him, he used to call his friend or his girlfriend or boyfriend over, fighting the creepy loneliness in which those dark thoughts lingered in await for a open, a weak spot to slip into his mind with company. He rarely was alone, as the social guy he was. Kang Joon looked over to Gomu was sound asleep, rolled up in his basket. Even the little pub couldn't make him smile at times like this, during those days, when he felt weak and useless, even almost nonexistent. Those thoughts kept on flowing, in the middle of the night and the male finally grabbed a bottle of soju and opened it without hesitation. Putting the bottle on his lips he sat down on the floor once again to gaze at the night sky one more time. What a cruel and yet beautiful world. Gradually the warmth of the alcohol spread across his whole body, intoxicated him. He was drowning himself in a wave of sadness. Closing his eyes he was laying there, without any movement, holding his breath before looking up again. The male took up his phone that was close by. It didn't mattered who would answer, he just needed someone to talk to.