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worldserasingandcreatinginmymind · 2 years ago

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Help Her | Part One

Pairings: Joel Miller x Reader (platonic) / Tess x Reader (platonic) / Ellie Williams x reader (platonic)

Summary: Since outbreak day in 2003, Y/N and her older brother Ben have survived the post-pandemic world together. But when they arrive in Boston and meet a couple of smugglers, things change.

Word Count: 6k

Warnings: like ALL the angst, I'm sorry.. classic last of us warnings; infected, blood, violence, deaths

A/N: spelling and grammar is not my strongest skill so please be kind :) I’ve not played the games, but I've watched the show (multiple times now) and researched a lot, however some details may not match the game/show storyline... for the purpose of this story Joel and Tess were already together in the Boston QZ in 2008 :)

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

- - - - -

2003

You were nine when it started. Your parents had treated you and your brother Ben to a trip to Disney World for Ben’s 13th birthday. It was supposed to be the holiday of a lifetime. But even the ‘happiest place on earth’ can’t protect you from the end of the world.

You were on the ‘Its a Small World’ boat ride, sat on the front row with your brother on one side, your parents on the other, when you heard commotion behind you. You turned round to see a fight had broken out near the back of the boat. A woman was screaming as the man next to her was attacking her.

Your brother put his arm around you, turning you to look away as people on the boat started shouting. The boat came to a sudden stop, the emergency alarm blaring through the ride. Your dad and a few others decided to make their way to the back to help the woman, climbing over seats and guiding any children on the ride to move to the front where you were. As your mom held out her hand to help, one particularly sick looking child suddenly screeched and bit into her hand. Your mom yelled, trying to push the kid off but he bit her again, this time on her shoulder.

As Ben kicked the kid off the boat and tried to comfort your mom, you stood up to try to find your dad. You saw him and two other men still trying to break apart the first fight, but suddenly he’s knocked off the boat. He hit his head hard off the side and fell into the water face down.

“DAD!” You yelled, trying to scramble over the boat seats to get to him, but your brother pulls you back.

“Y/N, we have to get out of here.”

“We can’t leave him!” you cried, watching as the water around him started to mix with the red of his blood.

“It’s too late, we have to go!” he climbed off the boat and up onto the side of the ride. He turned back and pulled you up with him, making you stand behind him as he reached back for your mom. You saw blood pouring out of the bite on her shoulder as she reached up for your brothers hand. The three of you made your way through the ride’s scenery towards where you see a fire exit door.

As you burst through it, you were temporarily blinded by the bright sunlight outside but you could hear the screaming. When your eyes adjusted you saw that the whole park had turned to chaos, like something from a horror film. People running in all directions, fights broken out everywhere you look.

You turned to your brother and saw that a few feet away a child had pinned a grown man to the floor, eating his flesh. Ben followed your horrified gaze, quickly covering your eyes and asking your mother what to do.

“Back to the hotel.” she ordered and the three of you run.

By the time you made it back to the room, you noticed your mother beginning to act strange. Twitching uncontrollably, her eyes starting to glass over.

“Mom?” You asked, “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay baby.” she replied, though her voice was shaky “I think I’m just getting sick. I’ll be alright. I need some water.”

She stood up and walked to the bathroom, gesturing for your brother to follow. They went inside and shut the door. Quietly you snuck up and pressed your ear against it, listening to their hushed conversation.

“No, Mom I can’t!”

“You can baby, and you have to.” She was crying “I’m so, so sorry… I can feel it. Something is wrong and I can’t risk hurting you or Y/N. I need you to do this for me.”

“I can’t do this on my own, I don't know what to do.”

“You're not alone. Work together, keep each other safe. You can do this.”

You heard her kiss him and quickly moved away from the door just in time for them to come back out.

“What’s going on?” You asked and your mom pulled you in for the tightest hug you’d ever received.

“I’m going to go look for some medical supplies and food. I’ll be back as soon as possible.” She pulled away, taking your face in her hands and looking at you “I love you baby, more than you’ll ever know.”

“I love you too” you started to cry and she kissed you on the head before moving to your brother. She embraced him tightly, and you heard her say two quiet words: “Help her.”

As soon as she left, your brother instantly locked the door and started moving anything he could in front of it to form a barricade.

“What are you doing?” You started to panic “She won’t be able to get back in.”

He ignored you, silently crying as he continued his task.

“Ben stop!!” You tried to pull him away.

“She’s not coming back!” he pushed you away, making you stumble backwards and fall to the floor.

“Wh- why? I don't understand-”

“She’s one of them.” He gestured to the window “Whatever those people have turned into out there, she’s turning into one of them too.” He pushed the last piece of furniture in front of the door and came over to you, helping you to your feet. “I know you're scared. I am too. I don't know what’s happening, I don't know what’s going to happen. But I do know, for now, we’re safe in here.”

“What do we do?”

“We wait. I’m sure the army will be here soon, they’ll help us.” You could tell he was trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince you.

The two of you climbed into bed, wrapping yourselves up in the duvet as you tried to block out the sounds of screaming outside. Your brother pulled you tightly to himself, using his hands to cover your ears and sang songs to you until you fell asleep.

— — — —

2008

“Just a bit further.” Ben assures you, helping you walk closer to the giant wall surrounding the Boston QZ.

“Hands up!” A voice startles you.

A few feet away from you a middle aged man stands pointing a gun at you, the light of his torch blinding you.

“I said, hands up” he shouts again.

“Please, we need help!” your brother calls back.

“Don't make me ask a third time.” You hear him click his gun.

Ben raises his one hand, the other one still holding you upright. You try to muster the strength to raise yours too.

“She sick?” A female voice calls.

“Not with the virus, but yes she’s sick.” Your brother explains. “Some sort of infection. We got caught in a storm a few days back and she’s gotten worse since then. We need medicine.”

“Then go through the main entrance, get FEDRA to help you.” the male responds dismissively.

“Are you kidding?” Ben laughs “One look at her like this and they’ll shoot her on sight.”

“Not our problem.”

“How old is she?” The female asks.

“She's 14” Ben responds, “Please! Just, help her!”

You hear a hushed argument between the two strangers before the woman finally steps forward.

“You're not bit?” She asks you as she approaches.

“No, I promise.” you croak as she lifts your sleeves and checks you for any signs of infection.

“She’s clear” the lady calls back before moving to check your brother.

Once she’s certain neither of you are infected, she leads you towards the man who reluctantly lowers his gun but keeps it in his hand.

“We’ll sneak you in and give you medicine but then you're on your own.” The man grumbles.

“Thank you, thank you so much” Ben sighs with relief “I’m Ben, this is my sister Y/N”

“Tess” the woman responds “and this grumpy old man is Joel”

They take you back to their apartment. Ben lays you on the couch while Tess goes to get the medicine.

“What brings you to Boston?” Joel asks, still holding his gun close.

“We’re looking for someone. My fiancé is missing. Someone knows where she is and the last we heard, that person was heading to Boston.”

Ben continues his story as Tess returns with a medical kit and injects you with some sort of antibiotic. Within minutes you feel yourself unable to stay awake, and you drift off into a deep sleep.

— — — —

Tess was kind enough to let you and Ben crash on the couch for as long as you needed, much to Joel’s dismay.

You’d become quite close with Tess surprisingly quickly. She was like the big sister you’d always wanted. The two of you would sit and chat while Joel went out to earn ration cards and Ben caught up on some much needed sleep. He found it hard to sleep at night. Partly due to watching to make sure you were still breathing, and partly due to the fear that at any moment FEDRA would come bursting through the door to arrest you both for sneaking into the QZ.

It takes days but you're finally feeling a lot better, almost back to normal. You manage to get up off the couch and have a shower. The water pressure isn’t great, and there’s only a small amount of warm water but you don't care. It’s been so long since you had a shower, this feels like heaven on your aching skin. You get dry, put on the clean clothes Tess found for you and head back out to the living room.

“We found her!” Ben exclaims. “Marlene. We know where she is, which means we’re one step closer to finding Anna.”

— — — —

Tess and Joel agreed to lead you and Ben through underground tunnels to the building Marlene is rumoured to be. The tunnels are creepy. There’s fungus growing up the walls and Joel warns you to watch your step. You reach some ladders, which Joel climbs first, then gestures for you to follow. You're almost at the top when your foot slips and you almost fall, but Joel grabs your arm and hoists you up.

“Thank you!” you sigh and you swear he almost smiles. There is kindness in him, he’s just buried it deep.

Once Tess and Ben join you at the top, the four of you decide to split up to search the abandoned building. Tess and Joel going left. You and your brother right. You wonder through various corridors and eventually spot the woman you need.

“Marlene!” Ben shouts upon seeing her.

“Benjamin? Wh- what are you doing here? We thought you were dead. Both of you. When you didn’t show up to the meet point we presumed-”

“Where’s Anna?” He interrupts her and she falls silent “Where is she?”

“Ben” she takes a breath, briefly looking at you then back to Ben “Maybe we should talk somewhere privately.”

“Marlene please, just tell me.” He almost begs, your heart breaks at the sound of his voice cracking “Where is my girl?”

“She’s gone.”

“Gone?” You ask, looking to her and your brother for an explanation “Gone where? Can we go find her?”

“She’s dead.” Your brother states, slumping back against the wall. You look at Marlene in a panic, hoping she will clear things up. That your brother has just got the wrong end of the stick. She just nods solemnly.

You look down at your feet as you take a few breaths, trying to process the news before another question pops up.

“The baby?” You ask, looking back at Marlene who is watching Ben. The two of them lock eyes for a moment before Marlene finally shakes her head. You see the final sliver of hope disappear from your brother’s eyes as he slumps to the floor, head in his hands.

You close your eyes tight, fighting to keep the tears in. But the news of losing Anna, and your unborn nephew or niece is too much to hold inside. You don't notice Marlene has walked to you until you feel her hand gently squeeze your shoulder.

“I’m sorry” she says quietly, sincerely.

“Its not your fault” you say with a small shrug.

She gives you a sad smile before leaving you alone with your brother. You approach him, sliding down the wall to sit next to him and leaning your head on his shoulder. The two of you stay sat in silence for a while, quietly grieving what you’ve both lost. Eventually you have to speak.

“What happens now?”

“I don't know.” He sniffles.

“What are we going to do? Where do we go?”

“I don't know Y/N.”

“But you always know what to do. You always have a plan!”

“THEY were the plan!” He suddenly shouts “Anna and the baby, they were the only plan I had left. And now they’re gone and I- I don't know what to do.” He takes a breath, looking at you with panicked eyes “I don't know what to do”

You look at him for a moment, thinking.

“We could have a funeral for them?”

“Y/N” Ben sighs.

“Obviously we can’t actually bury them, but we could have a little memorial or something? Could be a nice way to honour them?”

“Nice? Are you serious?” Ben gets up, and you follow him.

“No no I didn’t mean-”

“Nothing about this is nice Y/N! Nothing! I’ve lost my family-”

“You’ve still got me!” You argue and he rolls his eyes “Or do I not matter anymore?”

“Don't do that. Don't make this about you.”

“I’m not making it about me! I’m just trying to figure out how to make things better!”

“Can you bring them back? Stop them from dying?” He stares at you and all you can see on his face is overwhelming sadness “There is no making this better.”

He turns and starts to walk away.

“Ben?”

“I’m sorry Y/N” he pauses “But I need to be on my own.”

“Ben!” You call after him but he’s gone, leaving you alone. You resume your position slumped on the floor, allowing yourself to fully grieve.

“Y/N?! What happened?” Tess calls as she runs toward you, crouching in front of you. Joel stands watch behind her.

“They’re dead.” You sob. “Anna and the baby, they’re dead.”

“Oh darling.” Tess sits by you, putting her arm around you.

“Where’s Ben?” Joel asks, still on high alert.

“I don't know, he walked off.”

“He just left you?” You see a brief flash of anger on Joel’s face. He won’t admit it but he does feel almost protective of you.

“He’s grieving-” you try to defend your brother.

“So are you!” Tess squeezes you “Come on, we should get back. It’s getting late.”

“What about Ben?” You panic.

“We’ll find him. Don't worry."

— — — —

Tess keeps her arm around you the whole walk back, Joel walking ahead slightly with his gun at the ready. You’d heard the stories of people who were out on the streets at night being attacked, robbed or worse. And although you felt safe with Joel, you couldn’t help but worry for your brother.

You’ve never seen him like this. Sure, the two of you had lost many people over the years. Friends that you’d made on travels, even your parents back on outbreak day. But you’d always faced it together.

As you rounded the corner near the apartment block, Joel stopped suddenly.

“Tess, get Y/N away from here.”

“What’s going on?” You try to see past him.

“Tess now!” He demands and as he tries to move you back you see around him.

Your heart stops.

Laying on the ground about 20 feet away is a body.

“Is that-?” You try to breathe “Is it-?”

You strain your eyes in the dark and notice the body is wearing the same clothes as your brother.

“Ben?” You voice barely there. “BEN!”

You free yourself from Tess and push past Joel. They chase after you, but you get there before they can stop you, falling on your knees next to your badly beaten brother and turning his bloodied head to look at his face.

“What did you do?! What did you do?!” You repeat as you stroke your hands over his face. You notice his chest rise “He’s breathing!! Ben?! Ben, wake up you idiot!”

“Y/N…” he coughs, wheezing as he breathes.

“We have to get him to the medical centre!” You shout to Joel and Tess, who are stood behind you.

“There’s nothing they can do for me.” Ben says sadly. “I’m sorry Y/N.”

“Shut up. Just shut up. You’ve got nothing to be sorry about, cause you're gonna be fine.” You desperately apply pressure to the bleeding stab wound in his stomach.

“I shouldn’t have left you” he coughs “I’m sorry”

“Stop” you cry, resting your head on his chest.

“Look after her, Joel. Tess. Look after her. Please.”

“STOP IT!” you yell, panic rising.

“Y/N look at me, look at me!” Ben manages you take your face and moves you so he can see your eyes. “I love you”

“I love you too.” you sob, the memory of saying goodbye to your mother flashes through your mind.

His hands slip from your face as his breathing stops. He’s completely still.

“Ben?” You shake him. “Ben?! BEN!! BEN, WAKE UP! BEN!!”

“Come on darling.” Tess puts her hands on your shoulders but you shake her off.

“BEN! PLEASE! BEN!” You fall on him, wrapping your arms around him as you sob “I need you.”

Joel and Tess watch for a moment, allowing you this goodbye before Joel hands his gun to Tess and crouches by you.

“We really have to go now. It’s not safe out here.” Joel says, rubbing your back gently.

“I can’t leave him here!”

“He’s gone Y/N. And FEDRA patrol will be here soon. They’ll take care of his body but if they find us here, we’re in a heap of shit. We have to go!”

He stands and lifts you up. You scream and cry as you try to fight him but he’s much stronger than you. He carries you in his arms, cradling you tightly into his chest all the way back to the apartment.

Once you're back, Tess helps you wash your brother’s blood off your skin and leaves you to get changed into some clean clothes. You find your brother’s hoodie hanging on the back of the chair and immediately hug it to your face. It smells like him. It’s comforting. You pull it on over your head. It’s too big for you, but you don't care.

You walk out into the living room to find Joel and Tess reading a letter. He hands it to you. It’s a note from Ben.

‘Y/N,

By the time you read this I’ll be gone. I’m going to find the fireflies and finish what Anna always wanted to do. I’m sorry to leave without saying goodbye, but I know if I do you’ll try to talk me out of going.

Please know, my decision to leave was nothing to do with you, you’ve done nothing wrong. I just don't know how to keep you safe. And I’m scared. Everyone I have ever cared about has died and I’m afraid I’m going to lose you too.

But I know Tess and Joel will help you. They’ve done more for you in the last 5 days than I’ve been able to in the last 5 years. You’ll be safe with them. Safer than you could ever be with me.

One day, when I’ve made the world a safer place for us, I’ll come back for you. But until then, I will think of you every single day.

Forever… your loving brother,

Ben’

— — — —

2023

It’s been 15 years since you lost the last remaining member of your family. Joel and Tess honoured Ben’s wishes and took you in, even managing to get forged documents to make you an official citizen of the Boston QZ.

As soon as you were old enough, you started earning ration cards. The jobs were shit, but at least you could pay back Joel and Tess for looking after you all these years. You know they could have easily kicked you out once you turned 18, but they didn’t. Even when you offered to get out of their way, let them have their home back again they wouldn’t accept it.

You were super close with both of them, but especially with Joel after he found you one day in the midst of a panic attack. He sat with you until you calmed down, helping you breathe through it. After that he’d opened up to you about his own struggles with panic attacks, and even about his suicide attempt after losing his daughter. He made you promise if you ever felt like that, you would talk to him. And while living in the QZ wasn’t particularly wonderful, you were happy with your little life routine with your little dysfunctional family.

After an exhausting day of street sweeping, you collect your ration cards and head home. When you walk through the door, you're surprised to find you're home alone. You knew Joel would probably not be back yet, since he’s taken on extra jobs to earn extra cards, but you expected Tess to be there. Presuming she’s just popped out and would be back soon, you decide to start cooking dinner for when she returns.

But she doesn’t.

You wait as long as your grumbling stomach will allow before serving up a plate for yourself and putting the rest in the fridge. While you're getting ready for bed you hear the door close and Joel call out a greeting.

“Dinner’s in the fridge.” you respond and he thanks you.

You change into your sleep clothes and go out to the living room to see Joel.

“How was your day?” You ask.

“Shit. You?”

“Shit.” You copy and he hums with amusement.

“You make this?” He asks as he tucks into a plate of food.

“Yeah, is it that bad?” You joke and he smirks.

“Where’s Tess?”

“I don't know, haven’t seen her since I left this morning. She wasn’t here when I got back.” You reply and he looks up at you. You feel a wave of worry. “Do you think she’s okay?”

“She’ll be fine.” He reassures “It’s everyone else out there you should be worried about."

You both laugh.

“You're right. She’s badass, she can handle herself.”

“She learned from the best.” Joel jokes and you roll your eyes.

“Right, I’m off to bed. Goodnight old man.” You kiss him on the head and head towards your room.

“Sleep well baby girl.”

“Joel, I’m 29. I don't think you can call me that anymore.”

“Don't matter how old you are. You’ll always be baby girl to me.”

He smiles at you, and you return it before closing the door and getting into bed.

— — — —

The next morning you get dressed pulling your favourite hoodie, the one that belonged to your brother, on over your head. It’s a little worse for wear now, some small holes and stains that you can’t remove, but you don't care.

As you walk out into the living room you let out a sigh of relief to find Tess sat at the table with her back to you. Joel is sat in front of her, wiping her face with a cloth.

“Morning” you say, gasping she turns to look at you “Shit! What happened? Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, stop fussing.”

“Tess, your face!” You exclaim, gesturing to the cuts and bruises that cover her skin “Who did this to you?”

“That’s what I’m trying to find out.” Joel grumbles and Tess sighs.

“I need you to take a breath.”

“What?”

“Joel…”

“What?!” Joel says again.

“The guys that jumped me were with Robert. He sold our battery to someone else.”

Joel kicks back in his chair and Tess grabs his hands.

“I’ll kill him.” You say, pacing the room.

“That won’t solve anything!” Tess states calmly.

“No? But it will make me feel better!” you argue.

“I need the battery Tess!” Joel gets up “Trucks no good without one and if I don't get to Tommy soon he’s gonna die out there!”

Joel had told you so much about his brother Tommy, you felt like you knew him already. From what you’d heard, he reminded you a lot of Ben.

“Okay fuck it.” Tess stands up, following Joel across the room “We get our money back and the battery but Joel listen… Robert is terrified of you, so you march out of here all Clint Eastwood he’s gonna get wind of it and skip. I need you to take a breath.” She turns back to you as you're still pacing the room in anger “Both of you!”

There’s a brief silence as you all pause and breath.

“Who’d he sell it to?” Joel asks.

“Don't know.”

“Where is he?”

“Don't know… yet. We’re gonna find out, quietly. Understand?”

Joel nods. Tess turns to you and you raise your hands in sarcastic surrender.

“Now I promised Robert you wouldn’t hurt him. But I would very much like for you to hurt him.” Tess continues “So let’s go hunt that motherfucker down. Get our battery, and our truck, and then we’ll go find Tommy.”

— — — —

The three of you head out to a busy communal area where people are sat eating and talking. Tess goes to speak to one of Robert’s guys, leaving you and Joel observing from a safe distance. The guy glances over every so often, clearly terrified of Joel. And rightly so. Joel had a reputation in the QZ, he is not someone you want to get on the wrong side of.

As you watch the interaction, another guy strolls over to you.

“Hey friend.” he says and Joel just frowns at him, moving ever so slightly to form a barrier between him and you. “Don't worry, I don't want anything. But if you're feeling lost-”

“You tell me to ‘look for the light’ and I’ll break your jaw.” Joel interrupts, staring the guy down until he backs off and leaves.

“Fuckin’ pests.” You mutter and Joel smirks proudly.

This was a daily occurrence in the QZ, some asshole trying to recruit you to join the fireflies. Sure you hated FEDRA but the fireflies weren’t great either, in fact they could be just as dangerous as the FEDRA soldiers.

“It cost us a couple cards but, we got him. He’s supposedly taking the battery to a red tagged building.” Tess explains when she rejoins the two of you “We could take the subway tunnel under haymarket, get into the building from below and take Robert by surprise.”

“Pay this fucker back.” Joel says, looking at you and you nod in agreement.

The three of you begin your plan, breaking in and sneaking down to the abandoned tunnels that snake under the QZ. This isn’t your first time down here, but it’s still creepy. Dark, cold and wet. The constant sound of dripping making you feel uneasy. Tess shines her torch light along the rounded tunnel walls until she spots what she’s looking for.

“That’s the one.” She says, and you see the symbol spray painted next to a door.

Tess climbs the steps onto the platform and forces the heavy door open. She goes inside while you climb the steps, turning around to help Joel up. Although he doesn’t like to admit it, you know he struggles with his knees. As you're helping him you hear Tess scream from inside and immediately jump into action, both ready to fire your guns at whatever in in there. Joel rushes in first, followed by you.

“Oh shit!” You yell as you what startled Tess. Inside the room is a dead infected, fungus growing out from it’s body and up the wall behind it. It’s horrific and you have to look away.

“This one’s done.” Joel says calmly and Tess breaths a heavy sigh.

“Yeah… I know. I just, I wasn’t expecting it.”

“Take it he wasn’t down here last time?”

“No.” She replies as her and Joel get closer to examine it. You on the other hand are still standing as far away as possible. “You think he came down after he was infected?”

“Maybe down here was where he was infected.” Joel says, and your blood runs cold.

A silence fills the room as the three of you linger on Joel’s words.

“Let’s keep moving.” Tess eventually breaks the silence, walking away. You waste no time in following her, desperate to get away from the corpse in the room.

Tess leads you to a tall ladder and begins climbing it. You follow behind her, will Joel behind you.

“It’s like they refrained the whole structure.” Joel says "Probably in the 80’s. Everyone was cutting down on apartment sizes to sell more condos.”

“Oh” Tess says, faking interest “This has been Construction Corner with Joel Miller.”

You laugh, and you can almost hear how hard Joel rolls his eyes behind you.

“How far up we going?” He asks, ignoring Tess’ comment.

“Uh…” she climbs a little further then stops “…this far.” She climbs off onto a small landing and starts pressing the door. “This opens into the hallway.” She tries to open the door but it won’t budge. “What the fuck? Did someone put a piano in front of this?”

“You smell that?” Joel questions and you sniff the air.

“Yeah, gunpowder.” Tess steps back from the door, shining her torch around. You look down and spot blood pouring out from under the door.

“Shit.” You whisper as Joel once again draws his gun.

“Tess!” Joel warns as she pushes the door open. You hear a soft thud on the other side, as if something has fallen. Tess goes through and you follow.

The corridor is littered with dead bodies. Unlike the infected down in the tunnels, these ones are fresh. Whoever did this might still be here. You adjust your grip on your gun, suddenly very nervous again.

Joel surveys the hallway while Tess walks over to a battery near one of the bodies and crouches down to examine it.

“Well battery’s no good” she sighs and you glance over at Joel, you know how much he needs this battery “and he still tried to sell it. Twice.” Tess shines her torch on the now dead Robert who is laying next to the battery “You greedy fuck.”

Suddenly you hear a sound down the hallway, a sort of pained grunting. Joel walks past you, leading the way as you go to investigate. You hear a hushed voices, but you can’t make out what they’re saying. Joel peeks round the corner, turning back to gesture for you and Tess to stay quiet. As you carefully follow him you see where the noise is coming from. Down the corridor are two women with their backs to you, one trying to help the other one stand. Clearly injured.

As Joel gets closer, a door to the side of him opens and a girl comes flying out. She launches herself at Joel, some sort of knife in her hand.

“Joel!” You cry out to warn him, but his reactions are quick enough.

He throws her to the side, she hits the wall and falls to the ground. He instantly turns his gun on her as she sits on the floor, staring up at him.

“Joel? Y/N?” One of the women says, a voice you recognise.

“Marlene?” Joel responds and you look past him to see Marlene and another woman now stood at the other end of the hallway, their guns raised and aimed in your direction.

“You okay?” Marlene asks the girl, but she ignores her. Instead she reaches for her weapon, but Joel puts his foot on it, kicking it back in your direction.

It lands at your feet. It’s a switchblade. The more you stare at it the more familiar it looks to you. Slowly you bend down to pick it up.

“Hey that’s mine!” Ellie shouts at you but you ignore her, turning the switchblade around in your hand to examine it. “It’s mine, leave it alone!”

“Where did you get this?” You ask her, still staring at the blade.

“It’s mine-”

“Where did you get it?!” You ask again, firmer as you finally look at her.

“…my mom.”

“Who’s your mom?”

“I- I don't know. She’s dead.”

Your eyes flick from Ellie, to Marlene and back to Ellie.

“How old are you?”

“Why?”

“JUST-“ you shout, before taking a calming breath and continuing “-answer the question.”

“I’m 14. Jesus, why does it matter?”

“It matters…” you take a shaky breath “…because this switchblade belonged to my brother. You see this little mark engraved into the handle? I did that, on the same day that my brother gave this as a gift to his fiancé. The same day that she went missing. The same day that she died.”

“I- I didn’t steal it!”

“I’m not saying you did. But you see, she was pregnant with his kid when we lost her. Like, really super fucking pregnant… And that was 14 years ago.” You can almost see the cogs turning in Ellie’s head as she processes what you're telling her. “So either this is all just some massive coincidence. Or…” you trail off, watching the penny drop as she works it out.

“She’s your niece?” Joel asks and you shrug, turning to Marlene who has been silently watching the whole thing play out.

“Am I right?”

“Marlene?” Ellie asks and Marlene finally nods. “What the fuck dude.”

Joel lowers his gun, watching for your reaction. He notices the way your breathing has picked up, the way your hands ball up into tight fists as your arms shake. He takes a small step towards you, calmly saying your name.

“You lied.” Your voice comes out barely above a whisper, but it is laced with anger.

“I had to. Your brother was grieving-”

“My brother is DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU!” You launch yourself towards her, Joel just managing to catch you before you can hit her.

“I know, Y/N, and I am truly very sorry but he wouldn’t have been able to cope with a baby.”

“THAT WASN’T YOUR CHOICE TO MAKE!” You struggle against Joel’s grasp.

“And yet I had to make it.” The calm of Marlene’s voice riles you up even more. “I had a split second to make a decision. Tell your brother the truth, give him the baby and risk him being unable to handle it. Risk both their lives.” She pauses. “Or tell a lie, and give Ellie the best chance to survive, do something with her life.”

“By shipping me off the FEDRA school? Yeah, great plan.” Ellie says sarcastically and Tess shoots her a look.

“You didn’t even give him a chance! You just took everything away from him, and that’s what he couldn’t handle. That’s why he got himself killed.” You look her straight in the eyes. “His blood is on your hands!”

You break free from Joel’s arms and walk away, stepping over multiple corpses until you find an empty room to shut yourself away in for a while. Some time later, when he thought you’d had enough time to cool down, Joel came to find you. He didn’t say anything, he just joined you where you sat leaning against the wall. He waited a few minutes before speaking.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.” You say quietly, pulling the frayed edge of your hoodie sleeve.

“Okay.” He replies simply, knowing not to push you.

You lean to the side, resting your head on his shoulder and he turns to put his chin on your head. The two of you stay like this until Tess comes in.

“We agreed on a deal.”

“Wait, what deal?” You sit up, looking between her and Joel. “What deal?” You repeat when neither of them talk.

“We’re gonna smuggle the girl out the QZ and drop her off with another group of fireflies at the old state house. In exchange they’re gonna give us a car, guns, anything we want.” He turns to face you. “I know this is difficult for you. You don't have to come with us if this is too-”

“Of course I’m coming with you. You're my family, and apparently so it she so…” you sigh “I have to help her. Ben would want me to help her.”

Part Two

#tlou #tlou fic #the last of us #the last of us fic #Joel miller #Joel miller x reader #tess x reader #tess tlou #tess the last of us #Ellie williams x reader #Ellie williams #the last of us fanfic #Joel miller fic #tlou imagine #Joel miller imagine #Ellie williams fic #Ellie williams imagine

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bluespiderlully · 1 month ago

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KNY - Spiderlily AU (Lore)

"Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heaven"

-> Japan, Sengoku Era

People always thought monsters and yokais were a thing but, of course, no one had any evidence.

One day in the whole land of Hokkaido the Sun didn't rise, the sky was covered by a thick layer of black miasma. Later that day, some feral monsters, looking like mutated wild animals, started attacking the population, eating and killing them. Soon an order of warriors was commissioned to hunt down demons, hundreds of warriors died, sword skills weren't enough to face such a menace, for this reason they started using breathing tecnique, no one knows how they learned them but they're helping so no one asks much.

The truth is that seven warriors were so desperate to catch the attention of the Seven Princes of Hell that granted them power in exchange for their loyalty. Every Prince asked for two or three people (Lucifer wanted four because he's more important). They gifted them with strength and with the ability to summon and manipulate elements (yes, breathing styles here are literal magic). In every generation there must be twenty two slayers, called "Hashiras", because their task is to protect and support humanity during difficult times.

[ the name "Spiderlily AU" is because after this event Hokkaido became even colder, snow didn't melt and the only flowers that kept blooming are spider lilies, not only red or white ones but also orange, blue, yellow, purple, black, green and pink ones.]

-> Hokkaido, 2167

A hundred years before a war started, alongside with famines and pandemics, reducing the world population to a bit more of one million, the demon problem isn't solved and the Hashiras are still a thing.

This generation is determined to end this plague once and for all, even if the world has already been destroyed by humans actions and natural catastrophes.

I'll write about the characters and the organization in general in a more specific post, but I think I should share the breathing styles and demons list.

🔥WRATH (Satan) -> Flames

⚡️ PRIDE (Lucifer) -> Thunder

🌊 ENVY (Leviathan) -> Water

🌪 GLUTTONY (Belzebub) -> Wind

🪨 GREED (Mammon) -> Stone

🔮 SLOTH (Belfagor) -> Dream

🩸 LUST (Asmodeus) -> Blood

I hope you liked this post and that you will enjoy reading about this AU soon.

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bitletsanddrabbles · 2 months ago

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Book Review: Loch Down Abbey

Right, so, I’ve mentioned Loch Down Abbey before, but since this is apparently the year my brain has decided we’re actually going to write down some of the fanfic that it’s been kicking about since...*checks tumblr for first reference*...2022, I might as well write a review. I feel like I probably don’t do enough book reviews. Then again, these days I mostly read fanfiction, but the books I do read are good fun and our modern world could certainly use more of that. So, in this post I will discuss the books, why I like it, it’s flaws, why I don’t mind it’s flaws so much, and so on. In this way people might, at the very least, understand why I’m writing fanfiction for it.

First off, it’s always billed as a parody of Downton Abbey. While this isn’t entirely untrue, I do find it a bit misleading. I mean, yes, the title is clearly a play on Downton Abbey, but it is also a play on “lock down”, having been written during the Covid 19 pandemic and being set during a fictitious outbreak of Virulent Pernicious Mauvaise in the 1930s resulting in, well, lock down, among other things. Functionally the only other great resemblance is that it’s set in a country house relying heavily on upstairs, downstairs dynamics, and an ensemble cast. This means less than you’d think. Beyond that, the dogs are named Grantham and Belgravia, and there the resemblance pretty much ends. Even with Lady Georgiana as the dowager countess being comparable to any character based off of Julina Fellowes’s great aunt, the family dynamic is quite different. The estate set up is different, leading to different issues, even though both families face financial issues. There’s more garish tartan and less lavatory paper. Honestly, if we’re looking at other works by Julian Fellowes, I could make more comparisons between it and Gosford Park given that they’re both country house mysteries.

Above all, it’s Scottish, not English.

In short, I would not bill it as a parody of Downton Abbey so much as a humorous country house mystery with nods to the period drama genera in general and the works of Julian Fellowes in particular that will appeal to Downton Abbey fans and anyone who lived through the Covid Pandemic.

That being said, I will allow that “Downton Abbey Parody” is much shorter and easier to say.

The main plot revolves around two things: the aforementioned outbreak of Virulent Pernicious Mauvaise and the mysterious death of Lord Inverkillen. Your main PoV character is the housekeeper, Mrs MacBain, although it does shift – more on this later. When Lord Inverkillen dies, it’s proclaimed an accident by the local (not overly skilled) constabulary, but that doesn’t sit quite right with her, so she becomes our detective, sniffing out the truth of the matter. This is made much more difficult by the fact her staff keeps shrinking due to the pandemic and that the first person in the house to come down ill of (and promptly die of) the disease was Nanny. Saying the Inverkillen children are a handful is inaccurate. They are six handfuls. Solving the mystery is ultimately far easier than getting the family to make adjustments to allow the house to keep running with a skeleton crew that’s missing a femur, five ribs, six vertebrae, and the skull.

Meanwhile, upstairs, the entire family, with the exception of Fergus, the second son, is attempting to find ways to ignore the fact they’re broke. Completely broke. “Do something or the house goes on the auction block, oh wait, it’s too late for that” broke. They generally accomplish this by fighting with each other, complaining about the pandemic, complaining about the servants, or, in the case of the new Lord Inverkillen and his brother-in-law, spending all of their free time in the tennis pavilion. Oh, or looking for expensive family knick-knacks to make off with in the case of the late Lord Inverkillen’s brother.

Yeah. This family is ridiculous. I mean, beyond ridiculous. I personally suspect that Fergus is a changeling, it’s the only way to explain why he’s part of this group. Of course, according to the “about the author” part of the reason for this book is that she was “hoping it would be enough to get her disinvited from the annual family walking holiday”, so that explains the rest of the family. Alas, it didn’t work.

(Incidentally, I have chatted a little with Beth Cowan- Erskine on Instagram and she seems to be a nice person. She’s answered my questions on how Scottish titles work vs English. She even bought some of the Loch Down tea I made on Adagio and gave it a nice review. So if you live in the Cotswolds and are looking for an interior designer, which is her main profession, you might consider looking her up.)

Now, moving on to the structure of the book. I must stress that this is a first novel, and as such, it’s rather ambitious. That ‘ensemble cast’ I mentioned earlier? Yeah. The opening list of characters has thirty names on it. Now, they aren’t all PoV characters, but still – thirty. If you have ever tried to write an ensemble cast, even if it’s just Downton Abbey fanfic that touches on everyone who was around during the season in question, you know that is not an easy task. In many ways I really hope the rumors that it’s being developed into a television program are true, because there are things that will just work better in a visual format, such as the opening. The opening is probably the most Downton thing in the entire book, following the characters through the arrival of the family home from a local ball in much the same way Downton opened by following Daisy and Thomas through the building. The big difference is that you get the PoV of each character. Yes, in one scene. Yes, that is very difficult to do to the extent that most writing instructors will tell you not to do it. Yes, it gets confusing. And that is, honestly, the book’s biggest failing – the PoV is less “third person limited” than it is “third person wandering”, especially at the outset. It gets better as you go, and then will occasionally backslide. However, particularly bearing in mind what the author is trying to do here (thirty characters!) I feel this is more of a failing on the editor’s part, and even then…yeah, I don’t know you’d do that intro any better. I could probably figure it out if I really worked at it, but dang. That is a doozy of an undertaking.

...okay, you’re not actually meeting all thirty characters in the first scene, but you meet enough of them! Actually, give me a second. I borrowed Mum’s copy since I couldn’t find mine. We have four in the first section, which doesn’t sound like much, but is still twice as many as Downton follows in the same space of time, and we’re doing it with character PoV shifts.

This leads to the second, absolutely unavoidable failing – character development. Some characters get much more PoV screen time than others, which means more development. With a cast that size, this was going to happen. Now, you might think “But it’s a novel! There’s not a one hour time limit! Surely she could have done better!”

Sorry, but no. A novel still has to have good pacing. Giving equal development, or even near equal development, to a cast that large would make it drag. Even half of that cast would make it drag. This book is supposed to make you laugh, not serve as a cure for insomnia. More to the point, while it is a comedy it does have it’s more serious, drama points and there are character arcs that just aren’t funny. At all. In fact, if you dig into them, some of them are straight up kind of depressing, which is why these characters don’t get much screen time. You can acknowledge what they’re going through well enough, but getting inside of their heads would have ruined the entire tone of the book. So there are places you just need to go with the surface knowledge or go write yourself some nice fanfiction. That’s what fanfiction is for, after all.

So! Having covered the flaws, what do I like about this book? Seriously, what’s had me read it multiple times, make tea based off of it (supporting salmon conservation), writing fanfiction, and hoping there’s a TV version eventually?

As a comedy, it succeeds. It really is funny. Visually I want to see what a TV production crew would come up with for the Inverkillen tartan.

It’s also a pretty good mystery. I can’t really say a lot without saying too much, but the mystery works on two different levels. And it stays both a good comedy and a good mystery through multiple reads, which is a bonus.

The fact that the family name is Ogilvy-Sinclair family which reminds me of "Thomas and the Earl of Findlater" by @alex51324 is a personal amusement.

You do care about the characters, even the less developed ones. There’s a list of characters at the end that matches the one at the beginning as circumstances change quite drastically over the course of the book (it serves as sort of an ‘epilogue to the epilogue’), and I can’t say it leaves you needing more, but you’re certainly interested in where everyone’s going. There’s been talk online of a sequel, and while it’s not necessary, you’re definitely invested enough to not say ‘no’ if one comes along. There are more stories to be told of these characters, and you are left suitably curious to what they are.

And, of course, if you were an essential worker during the 2020 Covid pandemic, you connect with the servants. Seriously, trying to convince people who will not listen that, no, there is no more toilet paper in back. No, there’s no flour either. I’m sorry you need fifteen bags, we only have three. No, you can’t have an extra pack of toilet paper either, I’ve already said that, is bad enough when they aren’t the most ridiculous family of aristocrats to ever carpet their house in the Clan tartan. Mrs MacBain’s experience helps put everything else in perspective. Bless the woman.

I need to read it again now that I’ve actually been to Scotland. I suspect there are a few things that will be even funnier, like the rival family trying to buy the estate.

And the ending is just satisfying. Parts of it are predictable, others you absolutely don’t see coming, but it all comes to leave you with that “Ah, yes. That is as it should be” feeling. It’s also a fast read that’s easy to pick up and put down at meal times and for sleep, which I consider a bonus.

Anyway, that is why I recommend it. If nothing else, see if you can borrow a copy from the library.

#loch down abbey #book review #country house mystery #comedy #parody

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authenticcadence18 · 8 months ago

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recently got an ask concerning art, instead of answering directly I wanted to talk a bit about my own journey as an artist!!!

I’ve been drawing on and off for more or less my whole life. But my artistic journey REALLY kicked off when I was 11 and caught the end of Across the Second Dimension on TV. Within like, four days of this happening, I drew Isabella over 20 times🤣. For the first time there was something I wanted to draw over and over again, I was so inspired! And Isabella is still one of my favorite characters to this day, when I want to draw she’s one of my go-tos.

From there on, I started drawing a lot more. Lots of PnF stuff of course but other things as well. Star vs the forces of evil was also a huge art inspiration for me, my style is likely a blend of those two shows.

I fell out of drawing for a bit, just bc life got busy. But!! in 2020, thanks to a certain world-stopping pandemic, I got back into phineas and ferb and started drawing again, partially as a way to cope and channel anxiety. My growth as an artist just from 2020-2021 is pretty astounding to me!!! And I grew like that primarily by drawing Phineas and Isabella over and over…and over🤣🤣. You CAN draw a ton of stuff to grow but you don’t have to to enjoy art as a hobby. Art isn’t my job, so I only need to learn as much as I need to create the pieces I want. And having that desire to draw certain characters or stories is a great inspiration to grow and expand as an artist!!

Another great catalyst for my growth as an artist was drawing thumbnails for MWCA videos in 2021-2022 (I honestly can’t remember if I drew anything for 2023, I don’t think I did tho). For the first time I didn’t have to come up with an entire idea from scratch, someone was giving me a baseline of what they wanted and I built off of that and responded to feedback. I ended up drawing things and pushing myself creatively in ways I likely never would have otherwise!!!! Like, backgrounds, I rarely draw them for myself but when it’s for a YouTube collab well I had to!! I’m really proud of all my Mwca work, heres just a few examples:

I’m 24 now, I don’t have as much time/energy to draw these days, but when I do I’m able to use those skills I gained from drawing characters I’m passionate about and collaborating with others. My advice to any aspiring artists seeing this post would be to follow your inspiration!!!! Draw the things you love. Draw them over and over. You WILL grow as an artist. You can take inspiration from artists you admire (just don’t trace their work and post it, haha!). I know I’ve done that!! It might take time. It took me, no joke, FOUR YEARS to be able to draw phineas’s head freehand in a way I liked. I just had to keep practicing and practicing till I got where I wanted to be.

I also think working with friends is a great way to grow as an artist! You of course need to be careful with who you interact with, esp if you aren’t an adult, I would not have interacted with the MWCA crew at all if I wasn’t an adult, in fact I didn’t make my tumblr and start finding online friends till I was 19😅😅. Just be mindful if you’re younger, be safe, maybe work with friends from school if you can! I used to do that when I was a teen.

#cadence rambles #art #phineas and ferb

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tgm-zeej · 1 year ago

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Love that 2023 is becoming the year of ‘actually? fuck this.’

WGA, SAGAFTA, and UPS have come across my dash today, but there was the Canadian Federal Worker’s Strike earlier this year and the various ongoing airline strikes in Europe too. Granted that I don’t know a lot about those last two in particular, but I find it somewhat telling that many of the industries whose workers were particularly abused during the pandemic are now striking. And they should. They did their jobs to pull people through the most strenuous parts of lockdown and got dumped on for it, both by their higher ups and the worst parts of the general public.

Big changes move a little slower than we’d like sometimes, but one bright spot in the abyssal pit that was the pandemic is a rather urgent sense of working class unity. It’s not universal, obviously—bootlickers have always and will always exist—but the pandemic really spotlighted how much being working class sucks and how needless that suffering is. You used to have a blue collar vs. white collar animosity running through any discussions about stuff like this, and that has taken a very firm backseat post-lockdown.

A lot of it is down to the fact that a lot of people had time to sit around and learn, even if they weren’t actively trying to. They saw it. They saw people being treated like garbage by their jobs in every sector of employment. They experienced—in a very personal and organic way—the soulless indifference to human pain that we’ve allowed to become the accepted norm in businesses across the world.

That kind of injustice puts resentment in your chest. So deep you can feel it at your spine. You can’t do much about it at first, but the next time you encounter a similar injustice, you won’t have indifference or a passive hope that kindness will win. Often, it’s something that would alone be somewhat inconsequential. A lit match has very different effects on concrete and gunpowder, after all. All the same, that event can often serve as the starting pistol for societal change bubbling beneath the surface.

I feel like the WGA strike is that event. It’s a very publicized strike, mostly because it’s headed by a group that knows how the media machine works. They have connections and skills within that area; they don’t have to explain their grievances to journalists who may or may not be receptive. It’s pushed worker’s rights up to a profile that ensures they’ll be covered in tabloids as well as op-eds and financial columns. That is very much a good thing.

It’s not the first one. It’s not the hardest fought. It’s not the most important by itself. But it is a fight worth having, and a signal that better things are to come. As long as we win, of course.

#sag strike #wga strike #worker's rights #ups strike #all strikes #literally all of them

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mbti-notes · 11 months ago

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hi! im an entj and i wanted to know if you have any tips on how to be a better student whilst not thinking too much about grades or results. i feel like i place alot of emphasis on grades and results and i think it often hinders me at times. i often have trouble finding more ''meaning'' in my work and i'm not sure how to add more value into it other than achieving a good grade.

Your question is too vague because you haven't specified what level of schooling you're at and what your idea of a "better" student looks like. This "hinders you" how exactly? What is the exact nature or source of your discontent? What exactly are you aiming for? Without this context, it's hard to craft a response.

Did you know that professors in the US are witnessing a "literacy crisis" in their students that has never before been observed in the history of modern education? While there have always been unmotivated and underachieving students, nowadays, an alarming percentage of motivated students are barely able to handle more than ten pages of text at a time (the average assignment used to be 20-30 pages), nor are they able to analyze and comprehend the meaning, themes, or arguments being communicated in the text.

A literacy deficit poses a serious threat not just to the student's individual success, but also to the integrity of higher education and the functioning of society. Colleges have no choice but to "dumb down" their offerings over time. But more importantly, a successful democracy is difficult to sustain without intelligent and literate citizenry making sound judgments about complex social, political, and economic issues.

One obvious factor contributing to this problem is that many students have fallen behind due to the pandemic. Another obvious factor is the smartphone and the major role it has played in decimating people's attention spans. Extended focus and concentration are extremely important for learning, but endless internet scrolling trains the mind to expect rapid change and crave instant gratification. Yes, anyone who genuinely wants to be a good student should care deeply about the factors that hinder/inhibit their learning process. Increasingly, misuse of technology, such as smartphone addiction and excessive reliance on AI, is a major factor that prevents students from reaching their greater potential.

High school and college students are still in the early stages of ego development. Since their self-awareness hasn't had much time to develop, they don't tend to be aware of their own underlying motivations, for example, they will often just do something because it's just what everyone around them does. Additionally, heavy social media consumption at this stage of life leads them to believe that "success" is just for show or about obtaining likes/praise.

This brings us to the main factor to consider, which is that students are increasingly trained to be motivated by extrinsic rewards. For example, in the US, school funding is often tied to exam scores, so teachers have been forced to focus more and more on teaching only to exams, in order to secure funding. Higher education has also become much more competitive, which means excellent grades are essential for securing a seat in university.

While there is nothing wrong with extrinsic motivation per se, there is something wrong when a person is only motivated by extrinsic rewards, to the point where they are completely ignorant/neglectful of intrinsic rewards. The research strongly suggests: People who are more intrinsically (than extrinsically) motivated tend to be better learners because they assign their own value to learning and understand the inherent virtues of intellect, knowledge, and skill, apart from their real-world applications. The topic of intrinsic motivation comes up often, I suggest you read past posts.

Before you asked me for "tips", did you put in a reasonable effort to inquire into yourself and figure out why you overemphasize extrinsic rewards? Could you come up with the reasons/causes on your own, through self-reflection? It's difficult to find the right solution to a problem when you don't understand its origins. This is an important point because a common symptom of extreme extrinsic motivation is abnormally low self-awareness due to having little to no inner life. How's your inner life?

With regard to type development, people who are very extrinsically motivated tend to a) be too easily influenced by environmental factors, and b) lack introverted development. The answer to your question already lies within you, specifically, in the state of development of your introverted Ni and Fi functions:

1) Extrinsically motivated people tend to believe that their life lacks meaning because the world lacks meaning. What they don't realize is that meaning starts from within, so the actual problem is that they aren't able to generate enough meaning on their own.

Ni is a key function for constructing meaning, usually through patiently exploring context and connections to a bigger picture (of life as a whole and/or the world at large). As such, lack of Ni development commonly manifests as:

dislike of ambiguity (due to preferring clear categorical answers)

impatience for complexity (due to wanting easy answers)

superficiality (due to not going beyond the known/obvious)

lack of vision (due to overemphasis on rapid results)

Since you didn't provide any details about function development, I can't speak to how much you struggle with the above issues. The only thing I can say is that all of them are detrimental to learning. Clarify your aim: Do you want to be a good student in school or a good learner in life? Do you know the difference? It is the difference between lower order versus higher order learning, which I have already explained in previous posts.

A good student wants to know the final answer. A lifelong learner uses ambiguity as an opportunity to explore more nuanced truth.

A good student can handle some challenges but stops at the most difficult point. A lifelong learner takes the initiative to unravel complexity and eventually encounters profound wisdom.

A good student reads the book all the way through. A lifelong learner is intellectually curious, which leads them to discover new realms of knowledge far beyond the book.

A good student follows instructions and is reasonably competent as a result. A lifelong learner sees the greater potential of the field as a whole and gradually becomes an expert as they attempt to realize that potential.

If a certain activity or subject matter doesn't hold any meaning for you, is it because it's boring, or is it because you haven't really given it a proper look? This isn't to say that you have to be an expert on everything; it is only to say that you won't be able to truly appreciate something until you dig deeper into it and actively nurture appreciation for it. This brings us to the second point...

2) Extrinsically motivated TJs tend to believe that "utility" is the only measure of value. What they don't realize is that value is inherent to existence, so the actual problem is an inability to recognize value.

Fi is a key function for assigning value, usually through forming uniquely personal and intensely emotional attachments. As such, lack of Fi development often manifests as:

taking things for granted (due to not honoring their value)

dismissive attitude (due to lack of emotional attachments)

passionless existence (due to fear of emotional intensity)

Again, I can't speak to how much you struggle with the above issues. I can only inform you that they also tend to be quite detrimental to learning:

Human beings need to stay fed and sheltered in order to survive, but they also need activities that affirm their humanity and enrich their life. What happens to learning if your only concern is securing a comfortable material life?

Human beings learn best through feeling deeply moved and inspired by the best of what humanity has to offer. What happens to learning if you remove the human component of knowledge and only treat it as "data", just another object for your consumption and disposal?

Human beings discover themselves and express themselves through their varied interests, which is how every subject comes to have its fans, devotees, and experts. What happens to learning if you refuse to take an interest, downplay enthusiasm, and temper or repress passion?

If a certain activity or subject matter doesn't hold any value for you, is it because it is "worthless", or because you are blind to its value? This isn't to say that you must love everything; it is only to say that you won't be able to know yourself truly and feel energized about learning as long as you have a habit of dismissing every aspect of life that isn't immediately or practically "useful" to you.

Having intrinsic motivation basically means you generate your own personal reasons for learning. Nobody can force you to care or take an interest. Becoming an adult means you have to be the one to realize the virtues of going above and beyond whatever is required to ace exams. It may all sound very abstract, but this makes the difference in determining whether you will end up being just another cog in the machine of society or whether your life will always feel imbued with a greater sense of meaning.

#entj #auxiliary ni #inferior fi #learning #intrinsic motivation #passion #ask

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riderofthemist · 3 months ago

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It is okay if I vent a little about my Covid experience so far?

Some years ago, I was getting worried that I was becoming too anti-social, mostly sitting at home, rarely meeting with the few friends I have, not participating in any local gatherings or other in-person social events. And I have never been in any romantic relationship, despite wanting it very much. Chatting with people online is one thing, but I keep reading about how important it is to have real-life, in-person friends too. So I decided that I was finally going to do something about it. I was going to join local hobby groups that interested me, I was going to visit conventions, maybe I would even try going out to concerts and clubs, and actively pursuing dating. There's a part of me that's always pushing against these things, trying to come up with excuses for staying home instead. But I was determined to ignore those excuses, to make a genuine effort to become more social.

Then the pandemic began. And suddenly, my anti-social aspect had the perfect excuse, that I couldn't argue against. So I thought "damn, well, I guess I can wait, this will probably be over in a few months, or maybe a year?"

But it's not over, is it? It's never going to be over.

And by now, I'm getting desperate. I feel like I have to take *some* risks if I'm not going to end up completely isolated, if I don't want to just sit at my computer, reading social media, going to bed and fall asleep while worrying about dying alone.

At the back of my mind, I'm thinking that even if I'm vaccinated, and I wear a mask, and I'm constantly staying on high alert, counting how many people are in a room, always staying at a distance, always washing my hands, never eating or drinking until I'm completely alone... It's not enough. Nor precaution other than staying home by myself is 100% safe. Especially not when I'm the only person who is wearing a mask (and I'm definitely too socialy anxious to ask anyone else to wear one). As far as I know, there are no "mask blocs" or other serious efforts to create Covid-safe social gatherings where I live, and I don't feel like I have the time, energy or skills to do it myself.

So now, whenever I happen to be in place with any number of other people (even if it's just me and one other person, even if I'm wearing a mask), there's a buzzing feeling at the back of my skull, a mixture of fear and shame. "I'm going be infected, or I'm going to infect other people." "Since you can have Covid without any symptoms, I have to assume that I and everyone else are infected at all times." "I should have just stayed at home, this isn't worth it."

(Also, I should probably try to stop reading people posting angry rants about how the world is full of ableist, eugenicist plague rats who are responsible for the deaths of millions, etc. etc. I know that they're just expressing totally legitimate anger and frustration, possibly engaging in a bit of hyperbole, and that I shouldn't take it personally... But I can't deny that it's probably affecting me on a subconscious level, contributing to the miserable feeling I get whenever I go outside, masked or not.)

Hi, it is okay. ^^ Let me tell you something : when you are around people, you are the safest person they could be around. You are doing your part. It is a big part, and an efficient part. If they catch Covid, it won't be your fault. I don't know if you expect an answer to it or just wanted to vent so I'll give one and if you don't care you can just skip it. ^^ I understand what you're going through very much as I currently go through the same thing. If there isn't a network of Covid Conscious people around you, maybe you can do your own thing. When you see someone wearing a mask you can get in touch with them. If talking to them directly is too hard (which I understand) you can give them a note and... run away, waiting for them to contact you. They probably are as eager as you to meet Covid conscious people. There is something else I love, it's associations that gather old people. But it's kind of a special type of socialization. However, most of the time they wear a mask or are happy that you wear one.

As for the "buzzing feeling at the back of your skull"... I wear headphones most of the time to silence them. Or I try to think about it that way : I can't be a 100% safe about anything but it's okay. I'm doing all I can to protect myself from Covid, so I just need to relax. It is working, I need to trust my safety measures. Yes, people around me are not wearing a mask, but I do, and until then, I've never caught Covid so it is working. Be safe.

#ask

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mariacallous · 5 months ago

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We are seeing a worrisome rise in mental distress among young people in the U.S., a trend that began in 2011. Various studies show that young people are now the country’s most unhappy demographic, with unprecedented increases in anxiety, depression, and suicide. In a recent ranking of happiness in countries around the world, American young people came in at 62, behind Bulgaria, Ecuador, and Honduras.

What explains this rise? The usual sources of blame are all too familiar: smart phones, pandemic precautions, and declining church attendance, among others. In addition, political polarization, toxic debates, and misinformation increasingly influence our civic discourse and discourage the young from participating in civic life. There is also a stigma against admitting emotional problems—particularly for males—and a shortage of affordable mental-health treatments when people do.

Yet the root causes for this crisis run deeper. They include rising education costs, uncertain employment prospects and declining wages, particularly for those without a college degree, and the absence of a sense of community in many places. In a recent Brookings paper economists Anne Case and Angus Deaton found that the life expectancy for the college educated in 2021 was eight-and-a-half years longer than for the two-thirds of American adults without a bachelor’s degree—more than triple the gap in 1992. Most of the jobs available to those without a B.A. do not offer health insurance, part of the explanation for the mortality gap. These trends result in losses in human welfare and productive potential. They also exacerbate the uncertainty many young people feel about their futures.

While there is no magic bullet for this crisis, most suggested policies focus on better regulation of social media, programs that support civic engagement among youth, and better mental health care access. But an important and underreported part of the solution is restoring hope. The crisis stems in significant part from a lack of hope that often is fueled by a sense that higher education—and the economic and life expectancy benefits it brings—is beyond reach of many. My research finds strong linkages between hope and better long-term outcomes in education, health, and mental well-being, with hope more important to better outcomes of those with limited access to post-high school education and mentorship.

My recent research on populations and places vulnerable to misinformation, for example, finds that they share two linked challenges: the lack of opportunities for higher or vocational education and community-wide despair (and related deaths), with young people lacking a pathway to a better future particularly vulnerable. Solutions on the education front not only require reducing costs and increasing access to post-high school education opportunities but mentorship that supports young adults seeking more education to achieve their aspirations and suggest pathways to the kinds of employment opportunities that can give them better future lives.

Jose Santana’s story is telling. In early 2022 he was thinking about dropping out of his Bronx high school. He simply did not see a purpose in going to college. That changed the summer after he participated in Youthful Savings, a New York and Santa Monica-based program that educates low-income students in middle and high schools about economics and entrepreneurship, mental well-being, and ethical business. After completing the program, he started his own business, helping young entrepreneurs better organize and utilize web and graphic design tools. Jose earned his high school diploma this June and plans to major in business at Andrews University in Michigan.

While Jose believes the skills that he learned were valuable, what most influenced him was the mentorship he received from the program’s founder, Somya Munjal, who is a champion of educating youth about financial literacy. She shared with Jose her own struggles to pay for college and business school and how that led to what she does to support low-income youth get ahead.

On the surface, Youthful Savings may not look like a way of alleviating the mental health crisis that is plaguing American youth. Yet the program is part of a proliferating trend that has the potential to bolster young people’s mental well-being while fostering their immediate goals of acquiring more education. Somya’s ability to expand Youthful Savings was supported by Civic Wellbeing Partners, an initiative which facilitates opportunities for the young and supports well-being in low-income populations.

Somya grew up in Chicago, the child of Indian immigrants. From the time Somya was in high school, influenced by her parents’ struggles, she worked 40 hours every week. Given her strong performance in school, her parents dreamed of her attending Harvard but lost their savings during the 2001 recession. She attended Northern Illinois University, majoring in accounting. She was frustrated with her studies until she found her passion in a class about the role of education as a change agent. In Jose’s words: “Hearing Somya’s story … inspired me to continue and stay in higher education.”

Macomb Community College (MCC) outside Detroit provides another example of how to support young people in school and train them for meaningful work. The college pairs every incoming student with a mentor, which ensures that even those who need help or counseling but are reluctant to ask for it get ready assistance. Its university hub—founded in 1991—hosts several Michigan universities offering courses on its campus, providing students a more affordable route for gaining credits towards their degrees. Roughly 65% of transfer students from Macomb, many of whom remain on the home campus to get their degrees from the partner schools, complete a bachelor’s degree.

The hub—the first of its kind—has since been replicated by several other community colleges around the country, such as Lorain (Ohio) and Temple College (Austin). While some modalities have changed due to the increase of online learning, an important focus continues to be streamlining the pathway from associate to bachelor-degree completion to eliminate waste of time and money.

Macomb County, traditionally a political hotbed, has a population that is divided by three very different populations: retired autoworkers, a historically discriminated African American Community, and an influx of new immigrants. The Legacy Project at MCC invests in the civic engagement of these communities as a source of learning, credible information, and reasoned discussion. Jim Jacobs, president emeritus and legacy founder, noted that “the real value added of community colleges is how well they can convince young people that their aspirations for a better a life can be obtained within their communities. It is not only more education—but the belief they can use their skills.”

Communities—and their colleges—are an important source of support for low-income populations and their youth, providing mentorship and employment opportunities, among other things. They also play an important role in stemming the tide of loneliness that is linked to mental illness, as the data from the U.K.’s Campaign to End Loneliness shows.

Dunya Kilano, the daughter of immigrants from Iraq, came to Macomb as a child and later attended the college: “College wasn’t something that felt like a clear pathway for me. I was the first in my family to go. My parents supported me although … they would have been OK if I decided to take over their business instead.” Transferring to Oakland University while still taking courses at Macomb made a four-year degree more affordable. Her college experience laid the groundwork for her career with Face Addiction Now (FAN), a community organization that provides resources, education programs, and hope to those recovering from substance use disorder. “Education …[was] helpful but the connections I made are what led me to the work I do … An advisor suggested I take a social work class; I ended up becoming president of the Social Work Club and received a leadership award. Social work was my calling.”

Another example, focused on middle and high school youth, is the BeeWell initiative in schools and communities in the U.K.’s greater Manchester District. BeeWell introduces skills such as self-esteem, adaptability, and strategies to combat loneliness into school curriculums. It has yielded significant positive effects on both the mental well-being and academic performance of the students.

The combined emphasis on individuals and communities is key to the success of these initiatives. Macomb’s focus on civic engagement helps break down barriers separating the county’s diverse populations and enhances the chance that newly educated youth will live and work there. And communities are becoming a critical part of efforts to address the mental health crisis, as the traditional individual doctor-patient model is unable to keep up with the increasing demand for services.

Reversing the decline in youth mental health and addressing the uncertainties they face are daunting challenges. While we cannot immediately resolve them, providing youth with the skills they need to navigate them is an important step forward. By helping young people gain agency, skills, and connections through education—critical links to better outcomes—these efforts show that restoring hope and improving mental health is not just a pipe dream.

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billionairebabes · 2 years ago

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I'm Back!! Kinda...

I know it's been a while since I posted my own content or writing but I wrote this a few years back and never shared it but I know this would be helpful to a lot of you girlies now that the job market has once again taken a downturn. I originally wrote this after landing my first full-time job post-2020.

Like many, I graduated into a pandemic and found myself looking for my first job in the midst of a nationwide hiring freeze. The process was grueling but in failure, there are also many lessons learned and luckily, my search ended in success at one of the biggest tech companies in the world. In the past few years, I’ve worked at some of the biggest and best companies in the world making it past several rounds of interviews, impressing my future colleagues, managers, and even VPs so it’s safe to say I know a thing or two about landing a job. Here goes!

B's Guide to Landing Your DREAM JOB PART 1!

If you’re still in college there are a few things I would suggest a few things.

Start interning as soon as possible. The sooner you start practicing interviewing at companies you’re interested in, the better. Also, a few internships on your resume prior to your graduation will help A LOT. Trust me. You’ll have experiences to speak about in all those behavioral interviews as well.

Become friendly with the professors in your field. They can become a good reference for you later. Even if only one to three times a semester go to your professor’s office and chat. They can also put in a good word for you for programs. This brings me to my next point.

In most industries, there are conferences each year that either offer discounts (or free tickets) to college students and/or are directly aimed at college students. If you’re a POC, find programs aimed at diversifying that industry. These conferences often have recruiting opportunities with large companies and most times the interview process won’t be as rigorous compared to an applicant who may have applied online. I would recommend compiling a list at the beginning of each school year with these program names as well as their application due dates.

Don’t join clubs just to have them on your resume. Aim for leadership roles or redirect your time to other personal projects that interest you. It’ll make for a better conversation with your recruiters and hiring managers to say “I built XYZ because I was interested in ABC” rather than “I was just a member of that club and went to the meetings once a month.”

This varies across industries but for the most part, your GPA isn’t all that important especially after you land your first job after college so breathe.

Perfect your resume and this part couldn’t be more critical. In the age of ATS (Applicant Tracking Systems) and fierce competition, it’s become vital that your resume can stand out and communicate very clearly how you’re qualified for the job. Here are my resume tips:

My favorite program to create resumes on is Canva. They have a ton of great templates and are super customizable and not to mention, it’s FREE.

Use quantifiable measurements to show your results if possible.

Use action verbs at the beginning of your bullet points. Personally, I believe each description should have at least 3-4 bullet points but never only 1. Here are some of the words on my resume: Constructed, Spearheaded, Managed, Collaborated, and Lead. All of your descriptions should state what you did, how you did it (programs used, methods, etc.), and the outcome.

I personally think every resume should include your: Experience, Skills, Leadership/ Professional Development (for college students this could mean conferences attended, programs, boot camps, etc.), Projects (shows independence and initiative), Contact, and Education. Make sure your LinkedIn is included in your ‘Contact’ section. You should have a personalized LinkedIn link, that’s free.

Your LinkedIn needs to be at 100% completion. This is a place where you can really show off because there are no space limits. This can showcase every job or internship you’ve ever had, every program or project you’ve had an impact on, etc. The better your LinkedIn, the better chance you have a recruiter finding you and inviting you to interview for a role they think would be a good fit.

Your profile picture ideally is a professional one but if not possibly find time to take one in natural daylight with a quality camera and a plain background. I’ve also seen people using AI to now turn regular pics into professional ones.

Interact with posts, comment, and share. This will help get your name and profile circulating.

Announce that you’re looking for a job to your network. Include your resume and what you’re looking for in that post. You never know who might see it.

Grow your network and the easiest place to start is with people you’ve gone to school with and current or previous coworkers.

Put your resume on your LinkedIn profile (You can do this by attaching a media file)

Know your elevator pitch and know it well because every single person you interview with will probably ask you this. My elevator pitch sounds something like this:

I’m Britt and in June, I graduated from Icy University with a degree in Math and a minor in Sociology. Throughout college, I completed a number of internships doing _______ and have developed skills in _______. When I was a senior I learned about (or developed an interest in) _____ and did _____ to grow my skills or learn more about it. Now that I’ve graduated I’m looking for a role in ______ where I can continue to ______. (My elevator pitch is now different now that I’ve had two full-time roles but you get the point)

Now we apply.

LinkedIn is your friend here and my favorite job posting platform. Set up Job Alerts for companies you’re interested in so that you have a better chance of being an early applicant.

As annoying as this is, you will have to edit your resume for almost every position you apply to. Use the words they use to describe your roles in your work history and remember to always save your resume as a PDF. This definitely will help you get past the ATS system. Remember to adjust the words used in your ‘Skills’ section too but don’t lie. These days, many companies with decent salaries are giving applicants take-home assignments. This applies to your cover letters as well. (I no longer write cover letters though, no one reads them). I saved every version of my cover letter and could eventually just mix and match paragraphs according to the type of job I was applying to. Of course, you will still have to change some words to best match the position’s job posting.

The LinkedIn stalking begins. Find someone at the company you’ve applied for and invite them to connect but ALWAYS include a note. In this note, you will give a very brief introduction and your reason for messaging. Mine usually looked something like this: Hi ___, I’m Britt and I recently applied for the ____ position. I’d love to learn more about the department, the team, and the company. Would you have 15 minutes to chat sometime this week or next? Thanks in advance, Britt.

My tip is that you find a manager on the team rather than a recruiter for the company. I find that they never accept invitations but managers usually will.

On this call, you’ll discuss exactly what you mentioned in your opening note, and remember to have prepared questions for them. If you make a good impression, most managers will be willing to forward your resume to the recruiting team.

Let me know if you all want a part 2 on how I prepare for my interviews. I’d say I have an interview success rate of about 90% in the past 2 years!

#bb original #career help #career advice #manifestation

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