#ski-raisingparanoidpotato

[coiled-dragon]

Ok ok. Im addicted. 31 for Dracfield please? "Don't look at them. Look at me."

Hehehe ♥ This one was fun c:

"Don't Look at Them. Look At Me"+"I'm Not Going To Let Anyone Hurt You" [I stretched the latter a little]

CW: Canon-typical Violence

The church always found them eventually. It was a part of this seemingly endless cycle Renfield was beginning to piece together. His Master would grow strong and bold, leaving behind a trail of corpses - both figurative and literal - that would lead the church and their hunters right to their doorstep. So far, the vampire hunters had always failed in their attempts, but they had begun to grow less predictable in their methods.

Like now, attacking at the break of dawn rather than midday.

Renfield closed the door to his Master’s room, the count having laid down for his rest, when the sound of wood splintering followed by the shouts of men reached his ears. The thunder of feet came next, racing through their estate positioned in northern Italy, and Renfield knew it could be no one but vampire hunters. No one else would have need to attack the isolated mansion, Dracula having made himself a friend of the local nobility and bringing Renfield with him to gatherings… They were known in their half a decade of residence, but that meant the increase of life lost and the bizarre way bodies had been found would’ve reached the church all the quicker.

Cursing, Renfield ran back to the door he’d just locked, throwing it open as a pair of men made it up the stairs. One pointed and yelled in Italian, too quick for him to catch the meaning but he didn’t fancy it was anything nice. Slamming the door behind him, he ran to the coffin.

“Master- Master, hunters, we must-”

The door was kicked open and Renfield dropped, a sharp pain lodging itself between his shoulder blades. The pain was brief, followed only by the fact he couldn’t move at all. In fact, he couldn’t feel anything.

There was a knife lodged in his spine.

“Good, with Dracula’s rat out of the way this’ll be easier,” a gruff voice said, half a dozen men spilling into the room armed with garlic, crossbows, and wooden stakes. “You lot, pull down these blinds, hurry. Before he wakes up.”

Renfield’s mind was racing, able to move his head but not much else. He reached for their bond in a panic, voice caught in his throat but loud in his mind.

Hunters, Master, hunters, please get up.

A few moved towards the windows and he felt a pressure as one man, the gruff voice that had spoken in English, stepped on his back.

“The Vatican would like you back alive,” the man said, Renfield’s bright blue eye rolling up to the bearded man. “Don’t know why they’d want a man who betrayed his humanity, but they also didn’t say I had to bring you back walking.”

He laughed, Renfield struggling to find his voice and still unused to the way his whole body felt incorporeal, like he was a head attached to empty space. It frightened him. It frightened him worse that one of the tall windows was now letting in brilliant early morning light.

The coffin lid stirred, all the hunters turning their attention to the sound of stone scraping stone. A clawed hand slid between the initial crack and nearly all of them pulled up their crossbows - silver-tipped bolts, aimed at the ready.

“Idiots, pull down the blinds first!” The man's warning was ignored as hunters drew closer. Dracula’s hand raised an index finger and wagged as though chastising their eagerness, then vanished.

A billowing cloud of fog erupted from the coffin and came at the man standing over Renfield, the familiar flinching when hot blood splattered on his cheek. A moment later, the commanding hunter fell next to him, throat cut open as Dracula materialized by Renfield. He sighed in annoyance, flicking the blood from his claws and looking about the room before kneeling down.

“Mas-Master, I can’t move…” Renfield said, his voice coming out in a panicked whisper. Dracula hushed him, paying no mind to the five crossbows trained on him. He pulled Renfield’s face up, his gaze rolling to each of the men as they came a little closer in a circle. The one window that had been stripped of its light-blocking curtain was too far to hurt his Master, but the men-

“Don’t look at them, Renfield,” Dracula said, eerily calm as he ran a thumb over his familiar's cheek. “Look at me.”

Renfield obeyed, looking into the blazing eyes of his Master. Normally, seeing him so angry might be upsetting, but this… This was not anger targeted at him. He could feel a calmness in that fury, subduing his fear as Dracula reached for the blade in his back. Renfield twinged when it was pulled free, though he couldn’t feel it. He couldn’t even feel the blood as it blossomed like a flower along the back of his shirt.

“I’ll heal you, but first…” Dracula laid Renfield back down, the familiar angling his head to watch as all five men flinched and raised their crossbows. His Master turned to them with the knife. “None of you get to touch what is mine, least of all the fucking Vatican.” He spat the final word with venom.

The first bolt was fired, and then a second, but Dracula easily evaded them both. He didn’t even need to turn into fog for it, avoiding them in a fluid motion before he spun at the first man. Renfield kept his eyes on him, the vampire attacking like he was leading them in a dance with death. Blood sprayed from opened arteries, the crunch of bone and screams became his music. It was ethereal and haunting, a slaughter performed like art.

It was over in seconds.

Dracula tossed the knife to the side after the last body fell, blood splattered up his arm. He made his way back to Renfield, wiping their blood on his pants with a wrinkled nose. Pure blood was his favorite, but it seemed that there was something else in the blood of a vampire hunter that put him off of it, purity be damned.

“Thank you, Master,” Renfield said, even before he’d cut open a vein to heal him. The butchering had been personal. A knife hadn’t been necessary to decimate the men, but it had been a statement to the hunters to take to their death. Dracula gave a noncommittal grunt.

“No one may hurt what belongs to me,” he said in a low voice, pretending like he hadn’t cared about it at all. Blood flowed from his wrist onto the open and bleeding wound on Renfield’s back. “No one may take what belongs to me, either.”

Renfield whined as feeling began to return to him. Pain was always the first, hot and searing like being dipped in molten iron, but at least this time it faded fast. The wound would have left him impaired for life, despite being small. It had been precisely aimed. He sighed in relief, opening and closing his hands as feeling rushed back into them.

As he stood, Dracula grabbed his face and looked him over.

“I won’t let them hurt you again,” he promised. Renfield’s brows quirked up at the statement. There was more than a sliver of care in the sentiment and it warmed him, nodding. “Now, I’m going to rest.” He let go of Renfield and made his way back to his coffin, huffing in irritation as he kicked one of the bodies. “These better be cleaned up by nightfall. And fix the damn curtain.”

Renfield smiled as Dracula slipped into his coffin and the lid began to close.

“Of course, Master.”

[darcyfirth]

"Do you think this book is good?" 💞

“Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?” Eggsy wiggled his eyebrows and paired it with a tiny boyish smirk for good measure. The man in front of him closed the book in his hands, which was open at a page showing several rare species of butterflies, and leaned back into his swivel chair, gaze stern and unrelenting. 

“Nope. Not that one. I’m halfway through my 50s and I can tell you, quite frankly, that the pick-up line you just used is years older than me. Try another one,” said Harry. 

Exasperated and a little bit embarrassed, Eggsy muttered, “We’ve been here for an hour, exhausting everything I know about dating and you still tell me nothing of that worked?” 

“Well, Gary dear,” began Harry, “when you came and asked me for help in “wooing,“” his fingers miming the air-quotes, “this particular person that you happen to fancy, you begged me to be as strict as possible.” 

“I know, I know. But how could every trick under the sun turn out to be useless?” Eggsy groaned as he took off his cap, sweat was making the hair on his head damp and he hated the feeling. 

Pushing the book away, Harry shifted forward with his elbows on his knees, face coming ever closer to Eggsy, he said, “Look, Eggsy. The problem here isn’t your experience, or maybe lack thereof, in the art of courting someone with a different background or social status from you. You’re charming and clever, I’d even say you’re more good-looking than most, and you have heart,” he patted Eggsy’s shoulder, “so if you know how to utilise your strengths, I’m sure that just about anyone would fall in love with you.” 

“Really?” asked Eggsy, breathless from the proximity. 

Harry nodded, “A bit of advice, instead of cheesy opening lines, how about you ask them about their interests? Show that you care, make it about them instead of you, let them open up first.” 

“That sounds reasonable,” Eggsy’s brain was working at full speed.

“Obviously,” Harry made to pick the book back up, but Eggsy was quicker and closer, the book sat firmly on his ex-protégé’s lap. 

“Say, Harry,” Eggsy started, eyes glued to the cover of The Butterflies of The Malay Peninsula, “Do you think this book is good? You keep re-reading it from time to time. Even brought it to work once.” 

Interest. Attention. Display of careful observation. 

“Of course it is,” Harry said. “It has a detailed life history of butterflies of the Malay Peninsula as well as amazing, undiscovered information about some of my favourite species.” His hand shot out to reclaim the book but was met with obstruction from Eggsy’s. 

“Care to show me?”

“I’m afraid it’ll bore you to death,” Harry laughed. 

“No, it won’t. In fact, I’d love to learn more about how you got to like these winged insects from the beginning,” Eggsy smiled a shy smile, twinkling blue-green eyes that almost got Harry lost for a moment. 

In the next hour, they sat there talking about nothing but Harry’s hobby with the occasional interjections from Eggsy, mainly more questions that kept Harry going even more in-depth about certain topics. 

“Okay,” Harry said, checking his clock on the wall and while feeling unsure about changing the topic, “but, forgive me for my bluntness, shouldn’t you be at home and planning the conquest of your mysterious beloved?” 

“Oh, don’t worry about that. It’s in progress.” The grin and half-moon eyes were a huge distraction to Harry, whose heart hadn’t quite recovered from the news that Eggsy had his eyes set on someone else and not him, not even close. 

“If you say so,” he shrugged. 

“By the way, have you got plans for the evening? I know this amazing Chinese place that just opened near here,” suggested Eggsy. 

Harry was befuddled, he was rarely anything less than informed, “Why don’t you ask them out there first?” Instead of me?

“I just want to hear your opinions. You know how I cherish them.” Eggsy’s face was resting on his palm, a picture of innocence. 

“Fine. We’ll leave in an hour,” the older man let out a long exhale, “I do hope after everything you put me through, your crush doesn’t turn you down. You know how I hate lending my shoulders, it messes with my shirts.” 

Hook, line, and sinker. 

“do you think” prompt fills        

[soreiya]

ski-raisingparanoidpotato replied to your post “alchemist-of-the-mysterious-book replied to your post “I really...”

Can't either you or your mother go directly and fill out a report or something? I mean, if there's been several occasions where you've called the police, then they should make something this time, shouldn't they?

I’ve brought my mother and her boyfriend in with me at my therapy sessions a few times to discuss this. My mother doesn’t want to take action. She was abused by my father and has a mentality of ‘not wanting to cause problems’. Anyone who intervenes is a problem... So if I try to stop my brother from treating her badly I am a problem... This in and of itself is causing a huge issue in the house because my brother keeps getting worse. We have tried explaining that mental illness isn’t all that much different from a physical illness. She thinks that she is the only one suffering that his actions shouldn’t be affecting us, but they do... I’ve got plenty of recordings of him on a rampage or ranting about his cult religion saying “Put your blood on the internet and pledge your loyalty to me.” He’s bat shit insane... I’m unable to drive because I am legally blind. So my mother is my only form of transportation. If that wasn’t the case I would take all my evidence and get something done.

[river-muse]

Amazing person award! 💛💛 ✨💛 This is the Amazing Person Award! Once you are given this award you are supposed to paste it in the ask of eight different people, who, in your opinion, deserve it. If you break the chain nothing will happen, but it is sweet to know someone thinks you’re amazing inside and out 💛✨

aaa THANK YOU! ;3;

[xombigirl]

@ski-raisingparanoidpotato you were saying?

Activate Security Implants?

[darcyfirth]

Imagine Harry and Eggsy having movie nights where they only watch generic/bad action films

i haven't watched any to give an in-depth response but i can give you two scenarios: 

them criticising the action sequence mercilessly from choreography to editing/execution while cuddling on the sofa. ‘you don't hold the gun like that the recoil would ruin your eye!’ and ‘that glass can't support his entire body weight that's just reaching' and ‘oh my god i think the bad guy has the hots for the hero,' you know, that kind of thing.

or 

harry looks like he is captivated by the main lead because despite his bad line delivery he's one smoking hot dude with a great hairdo and eggsy just seethes with jealousy so he does what he does best: turns harry's attention to him and kisses him senseless. they end up on the floor, movie forgotten, and harry's belated save ‘you know that i like him because he's got that mole on his neck like you right?’ is the last coherent sentence uttered that night. 

[darcyfirth]

I actually got my two fave hartwin fics from a rec list you wrote once. Which are "darling so it goes" by thatgirlwho, and "lagavulin and guiness" by snarfle (idk why i like to suffer ; ;)

ale you know i'm a bit proud and happy when you said that right? (i like to suffer is me before clicking on any new fic to read tbh)

darling, so it goes by thatgirlwho

Eggsy never thought he'd get married. Or that he would even consider it. He thought, if he was really lucky, maybe he'd find someone to love him; like really love him. Something kind of like the love his mum and dad had.

It's love like that. And he feels he can't accept anything less.

Lagavulin and Guinness by Snarfle

Plenty of people had looked down on Eggsy throughout his life. He had gotten fairly used to it. Didn't mean it was fair, but he knew how these things worked. What really sucked was that the new Arthur was worse than the old one.

“Eggsy grimaced. He didn’t know how to explain to Harry – who seemed like he hadn’t been discriminated against a day in his life – that the new Arthur kept giving him what amounted to suicide missions, and that he was currently bleeding out in a warehouse because of the deliberately bad intel she had given him.”

me when i saw snarfle: yeah. same. yeah 

tell me your favourite hartwin fics   

[darcyfirth]

Harry and Eggsy lip syncing to Toto- Africa during a car ride like the dorks they are

confession time: i've never listened to that song before so i had to google a bit.

"It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you. There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do,” Eggsy sang as he wiggled his bum to the right and gave Harry's cheek a wet smooch and they grinned like idiots. 

[darcyfirth]

@ski-raisingparanoidpotato replied to your post “i basically watched a video of a guy kissing people while being...”

@darcyfirth I'm with @unwinthehart in this, it's true, indeed. One just simply can't get enough of your hartwin aus

*tears trickling down my face* cool.. cool beans 

[darcyfirth]

@ski-raisingparanoidpotato replied to your post “Could you do 9 for hartwin? In curious about what u can do with that...”

This is the best thing to wake up to

hun before i reblogged that dialogue prompts post i saw 9 and went ‘yikes hope no one sends me this' and you did and i cried 

[darcyfirth]

@superspysuperspy replied to your post “Harry and Eggsy lip syncing to Toto- Africa during a car ride like the...”

WHAT. YOU DIDNT KNOW. AFRICA. A THEME SONG FOR THE WORLD. IM. SHOOKTH

@ski-raisingparanoidpotato replied to your post “Harry and Eggsy lip syncing to Toto- Africa during a car ride like the...”

How dare you didn't know the masterpiece that is this song 💔

before i'm condemned and sentenced to a non-internet life forever i have to state this fact: i'm someone who listened to take me to church on repeat the entire 2015 while reading hartwin fics on ao3. 

[darcyfirth]

@ski-raisingparanoidpotato replied to your post: If Mamma Mia! taught me something is that Colin...

I thought we already kinda sacrificed that with the wedding

what wedding? the movie ends when harry gets his memory back iirc.

[darcyfirth]

I just wanted to say. that ur awesome. ok bye

right back at you friend. you're pretty amazing yourself and so are your hartwin arts :D

(merry christmas/happy holidays)

[darcyfirth]

@ski-raisingparanoidpotato replied to your post “25 hartwin!!! :')”

I need to know their backstory ;∆;) This was beautiful btw ❤️

lasdjfasjf thanks Ale ! 

[darcyfirth]

Purple, cinnamon, periwinkle, fuchsia, razzmatazz, saffron, plum & burgundy 😉

PURPLE = I don’t talk to you but I really love your blog.

CINNAMON = You’re a really cool person and admire you from afar. 

PERIWINKLE = You make me laugh.

FUCHSIA = Your blog content is gold.

RAZZMATAZZ = I would share my favorite food with you.

SAFFRON = I love your ideas.

PLUM = I’d like to chat with you.

BURGUNDY = I get excited when I see posts from you.

i saw this while sitting on the train this morning and grinned like a maniac (i hope no one noticed?)

[darcyfirth]

I don't think I can say anything more than what's already been said, but you're not obligated to follow people, not even if they're mutuals. And even if it was just a glitch that doesn't excuse them talking you like that. That was plain rude. I'm sorry it made you anxious, hope the couple of encouraging messages you're receiving help a little ❤️

thank you Ale