#skeleton bijuu

[shironezuninja]

14 more days. I wonder how much content from Campaign 1 will be either cramped in or changed when Season 2 comes out 2 weeks from this Friday.

[hellcifrogs]

Okay. alright, I needed a separate post to go in detail, because now I'm pumped! BTW I only quickly looked up the bijuus’ references to have some guidance, so they might not be all exact, I also went a bit by their appearaces alone.

Unfortunately I can’t fit the number of tails, but this is a great excuse for me to ramble about these lovely myths to anyone interested.

Ichibi Shukaku, the shapeshifting tanuki - I might be probably forgeting some, but I decided to go with an animal I like. It kinda matches how bloodthirsty Shukaku was in the begining, but it’s a bird instead. Matinta Pereira is a little owl (sometimes mistaken or also described as a potoo) that brings the news of death. Sometimes it takes the shape of a witch, other times is an old man seeking petty regenge. Another nice detail: since both tanukis and kitsunes are somewhat tricksters, the Matinta is actually sometimes related to the creature I chose for Kyuubi too.

Nibi Matatabi, the cat ghost - The obvious here would be to go with the Alma-de-gato (Cat soul) which is literally a shadow or spectral cat that appears to haunt children who misbehave, silently staring into their souls with (literal) burning eyes. Totally fits and I’d be happy with it. BUT if we take what looks the most like the beast in the series and just overall vibe, I’d have to go with Boitatá. Nothing to do with cats, just a giant fire snake with its body covered in eyes. This myth is actually closely related to the will-o'-wisp so many times the fire is made blue

Anon says “Boitatá would make a fucking awesome bijuu let’s be honest” and that is true! Boitatá IS one of my favorite myths for a reason! Not only it looks badass the legend says the snake protects fields and forests from anyone trying to set illegal fires by blinding them, or driving them into madness or just straight up killing them.

Sanbi Isobu, the sea demon - Here I picked the Ipupiará who’s basically another sea demon, though more humanoid, kind of resembling a mermaid, but more of a walrus shaped one. There are multiple stories and creatures similar to this one, but I like the older and more murderous version for this. Option TWO is another one of my favorites (another giant snake, of course it’s another snake): Boiúna, the black snake. A huge, river long, pitch black snake with flame red eyes, that just scares anyone living by the rivers by sinking ships or straight up swallowing them. Neither of these has any moral or motivation, they’re just beasts.

Yonbi Son Goku, the monkey king - For this one I went with the idea of an “Imposing monkey-like creature” and got: Mapinguari, this huge, smelly, man devouring monster. These monsters, mostly known in the amazon region, easily stand at over 2 meters tall, sometimes depicted with a single eye in the forehead and with a huge mouth full of razor sharp teeth stretching all the way to the bellybutton. They attract the prey by screaming like desperate humans and deceiving people to go help. To have this one as a source of power is nice, but wouldn’t be nearly as respectable as the original.

Gobi Kokuou, Hanging horse head and ghost whale - Okay so a horse. that’s easy: Mula sem cabeça, literally a Headless horse, with fire coming out of its neck. This one is widely known in the country so it has many MANY variations, but the shape is what matters here, so ‘only head horse’ for ‘no head horse’. Not sure how to fit the whale ghost part :(

Rokubi Saiken, the shellfish ogre - Alamoa! I’ve been told not many people know about this one?? But searching for this shellfish ogre, the wiki description fits quite perfectly with the Alamoa. She is a storm (thunder? lightning?) ghost, who appears on stormy nights dancing naked in the beaches of Fernando de Noronha. She is very pale and with near white blonde hair and attracts fishermen with her beauty and treasures, only to trap them and turn into an skeleton before killing them.

Nanabi Choumei, a rhinoceros beetle - This one was surprisingly hard, but let’s go with a simple one: Minhocão (literally big worm). Huge worm like creature living in rivers or underground that also goes around sinking ships. I would also take the ‘lucky seven’ joke and turn it around by using Caapora (out of the numerous names, this is the one I’m most familiar with), who is said to bring bad luck! Caapora can be an angry little girl, a creature with red skin and hair or even a cyclops, they ride a boar (queixada) and cause depression and bad luck to whoever meets them.

Hachibi Gyuki, the cow demon - Immediate choice: Boi Bumbá (with many name variations). It’s an annual performance/celebration telling the story of death and ressucitation of an ox. There’s a lot of dance and colorful outfits involved so it makes for a nice visual for a magical beast. BUT I also remembered a more regional one called Boi Vaquim: a winged bull with golden horns and diamonds for eyes that spits fire. How badass is that?

Fun fact: ‘boi’ is the actual portuguese word for bull/ox, but in native tupí language ‘boi’ stands for snake so we have the snakes boitatá and boiúna.

Kyuubi Kurama, the kitsune - Absolutely NOTHING to do with foxes, but I’m going to pick Saci! Simply for the trickster nature. Sacis are probably the most famous supernatural creature in brazilian mythology. They vary in shape (can be human or have goat horns and beard or bird foot), size (from tiny little fairies living in flowers to 2m tall with scales and claws), power (can create small tornadoes, grant wishes, spoil food), nature (they go from harmless and inconvenient pranks to kidnapping children and beating up animals to death), but the base look is of a pitch black humanoid creature - most times a black boy - with a single leg and red pointy hat. Option two for visuals: Maned wolf.

[rayshippouuchiha]

So, I was thinking about the natural disaster concept at work today (didn’t know it was a full AU yet) and my brain went “but make it extra angsty”.

So, have a thing that’s basically me trying to remember what I was thinking 8ish hours ago xD

(free to use for you or any of your lovelies since I’m good at coming up with things but horrible with follow-through x’D)

————-

No-one outside of Uzushio ever really understood.

They didn’t understand how Uzushio wasn’t a place, wasn’t just an island and some buildings, now left to ruin and ghosts.

Uzushio was alive like the ocean. Uzushio was a kind and cruel thing, lively and terrifying but it loved its children, its people. As much as something like it could love.

The people of Uzu called it a spirit, a god, a home but it wasn’t really sentient the way the little sparks were. All Uzushio knew was the roiling depths of the deep darkness and slowly eroding land and light steps on its surface.

Loved the short, bright sparks it made last a little longer, that ran on its waves and laughed and jumped out of the way of sudden whirlpools. Never afraid but always cautious because not all of them could spend eternity under the waves without losing their spark and becoming little more than driftwood to be found washed ashore or filling the bellies of fish and gulls.

And now it’s so lonely. Now, all of its children are nothing but skeletons that it still protects, still hoards because all of them, gone as they may be, are still its children.

So, when it feels it, feels the bright spark, Uzushio reaches. It’s been so alone for so long and here’s one of its sparks, alive and coming closer and closer and this time Uzu will keep it safe. Even if it has to wrap every last wave and whirlpool around it so no-one can harm its last spark.

Uzushio reaches. With hunger and desperation and possession. Reaches with the full might of the dark and the deep, and the waves never stop. Reaches further and further where the little misguided spark is running from it, from the safety, the home Uzushio is offering.

The waves don’t stop. Not for the Mizukage, not for the Tailless Bijuu, not for any of the many, many shinobi that try to stop them or even just redirect them.

The waves don’t stop.

Not until it has that little spark cradled beneath the waves where Uzu can keep it safe and secure.

——– (and yes, I’m implying some Uzu shinobi could breathe underwater)

[phoenixyfriend]

ok. karin vs anakin's genome being 50% the Force. go

Jesus fuck, okay. Uh, fair warning, I know very little about this subject, so it’s 90% bullshit. I am in no way qualified to talk about biology past the high school level.

Anakin's sixteen. He's part of a set of Jedi assigned to a weird mission regarding making contact with an isolated planet of near-humans with superpowers but no space travel. He doesn’t really have a Job here and now, he’s just there as Obi-Wan’s plus-one. There's an underlying plot about Sidious trying to acquire people from Ninja Land, but none of the Jedi are fully aware of it. Mostly they're distracted by all the ninjas and their bitching.

They call it the Shinobi Planet, because nobody can agree on a name for the planet when they ask and the last major international alliance was named after the shinobi profession, right? Good enough, you can change it later when you idiots can agree on literally anything, oh my god. The Samurai are very offended and it's a whole thing.

Anakin wanders a lot. He runs into various strange people and is mostly polite because, listen, half his friends are distinctly not human. When your immediate circle includes nautolans and besalisks and twi’leks and whatever the fuck Yoda is, you’re not gonna blink at a Hoshigaki or... uh... okay that kid just turned into a giant fox, is anybody gonna--no? That’s normal? Just him? Cool, cool, cool.

There’s a kage summit involved in the negotiations going on. IDK what’s being negotiated, probably something to get the ninjas to set up a singular spaceport so there’s somewhere to land WITHOUT ships being regularly shot down by village defense systems powered by that massive flaming purple skeleton warrior or the girl who punched down a mountain or the.. the literal desert? There’s a guy that can control the desert? Is there any way of keeping him away from Anakin?

(Gaara’s tickled pink that the reason someone wants to stay away from him has nothing to do with fear or respect for authority, and everything to do with ‘he is also from the desert and fucking hates it, so he’s staying away from the sand powers,’ because it’s very novel and kind of funny.)

ANYWAY where was I. Uh. Right, kage summit, lots of villages, they invite smaller villages to pitch in, but nobody ever ever ever wants Orochimaru anywhere near this situation, for hopefully obvious reasons, so Otogakure sends Karin.

Really, who else was it gonna be? Suigetsu? You want Suigetsu representing you on an interstellar political field? You want Juugo before he’s stabilized? You want Sasuke, master of ruining kage summits? You want these idiots representing you at the big kids’ table?

They send Karin. She’s a bitch with a temper, but at least she’s not as big of a political risk as... literally anyone else from the snakepit.

Anyway, Anakin wanders around, meeting people, trying foods, showing off when asked for demonstrations. He doesn’t have an Entire Protocol Droid, but he did cobble together a little floating helper that can do translations for him. Assume all translations are accurate and being done by the little helper bot. Bot’s name is G1-0T. Anakin calls it Glot.

He runs into Karin at one point, who’s not super into the whole situation, but at least Anakin’s interesting. She’s not interested in him, because he’s sixteen and she’s like... mid-twenties. And his hair is stupid. But! All these force-sensitive people feel weird to her, because sensor stuff, and it’s not chakra but it’s... something. Anakin is, of course, the weirdest.

(There are non-sensitives in the envoy, so she knows it’s not just a space thing.)

She strikes up a conversation about it, because hey, she hasn’t made it this far to not lean into... you know, being the kind of person who barges ahead with Weird Questions that might lead into fun science stuff.

Anakin is like. Well. This woman’s very strange, but it’s not like there’s anything against talking about midichlorians to random people. It’s easy enough to look up in the core. Not everyone knows about them, but it’s not a secret or anything.

“Wow,” Karin says, though not in so many words, “that sounds incredibly strange, and actually a lot like it functions completely differently from chakra, though maybe it intersects with nature chakra somehow. Can I take a blood sample?”

Anakin doesn’t want to give a blood sample to a stranger. Karin isn’t stupid enough to try to steal one. She’s seen what this Force Stuff can do, and this kid’s got a lot of it. She hasn’t got enough information on hand about it to know if he’d notice.

“How about I let you look at the blood of a guy that can turn into water?” Karin asks, because she’s not going to let him look at her blood. “I’ve got it with me.”

“...why?” Anakin asks, reasonably disturbed.

“He owes me,” she says, and does not elaborate.

“What, there’s nothing weird about your blood to share?” Anakin demands, like the ornery little bastard he is.

“People took my blood against my will for over a decade,” Karin says, with the kind of smile that threatens a stabbing. This is not secret information. Her healing factor is in the bingo book. Plenty of people still want her dead. “Nobody gets my blood except me.”

Anakin has no idea what to do with that answer. Most people wouldn’t know what to do with that answer. It’s not exactly a standard answer.

“So there is something weird about your--e chu ta what the fuck are those scars?”

Karin looks at her arm. She looks back at him. She raises an eyebrow.

“What do you think they are?”

He stares a little longer, and then very carefully does not say anything as she pushes her sleeve back down.

“So can I look at your blood?” she asks again.

“Uh--”

“You can look at mine under a microscope,” she wheedles. “You can’t take any, though.”

Anakin... does eventually agree. Eventually.

-----------

There is a very angry redhead yelling at a machine, and Anakin does not know what to do.

“Is something wr--”

“What the fuck is your blood?” she demands. “It’s glowing in ultraviolet. It burned the dye up. I tried to sequence your genome--”

“Woah, I did not agree to that.”

“--and look at this. Look at this!”

“I don’t know how to read your graphs. None of this is a language I know.”

“It’s garbage,” she hisses at him. Glot takes a few moments to process it. “Look at this. This is supposed to--fuck, where’s the Jiraiya file, he’s standard--this is what it’s supposed to look like for most humans with chakra. And this is a civilian, and a few bloodline users--”

“Do you just carry these around with you?”

“Shut up, you don’t exist. You have--you have more in common with summons than people. I ran a blood test on one of your human diplomats, the ones that aren’t monks--”

“When did they agree to that?”

“They didn’t, I’m just sneaky.”

“I should tell Obi-W--”

“STAY THERE, I’M NOT DONE YELLING YET. Do you see this? Do you see this shit? This is the one and only time I’ve managed to perform any kind of analysis on a bijuu. They don’t usually have blood. Shukaku is sand. Matatabi is literally just fire. This was almost impossible to make happen, but I did it because I’m a dedicated biomedical resea--”

“Because you’re unhinged.”

“--rcher, and you know what? You know what I’ve found?”

“What?”

“Your blood looks like you’re half demon,” she says, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking, a little wild-eyed and clearly pissed at him. “Half of it’s human! Half of it looks like the non-physical chakra manifestations that were torn-apart remnants of a godlike demon. The fuckers can’t die. They also can’t breed. They don’t have reproductive organs! This isn’t just demon-tainted like a jinchuuriki, I’ve got that analyzed--”

“Why?”

“Because my cousin’s a moron, don’t change the subject. You--you shouldn’t exist. Your blood is stupid. Fuck, is this what I’d find if I analyzed the Sage of the Six Paths?”

“The what?”

She ignores him, frowning at papers. “Is--I need to call Haruno, she might still have some of Kaguya’s blood dried on her old gloves from the war, I know she kept those as a souvenir from the whole ‘punched a god’ thing.”

“I’m sorry, the what?”

“There was a thing a few years back, godlike alien demon princess who got sealed into a moon by her sons a thousand years ago, but her immortal sentient goo child brought her back with a giant tree that consumed all the tailed beasts-the flaming fox you saw earlier is one of them--and then used a giant eyeball to reflect off the moon to put everyone in a hallucination at the same time so she could eat our life-forces,” Karin dismisses. “It’s not important.”

“There is--what?”

Jedi see many things. Many of those things are very strange.

This is a little much even for Anakin.

“It’s over, if you want the actual details, talk to my idiot cousin,” she huffs. “But now I need to run comparisons between the actual nonsense that is your entire existence and the actual nonsense that is my cousin’s existence, and maybe Sasuke’s... fuck this is going to be a mess, I’m going to have to cross-reference all the clans with bloodlines we know are derived from Kaguya, she’s the only angle we have on gods like that, unless... maybe there’s still some black Zetsu goo somewhere... Orochimaru must have kept a sample...”

“Uh, can I--can I go? I’m not comfortable here.”

“I need to find Naruto so he can call the Sage of the Six Paths out of the afterlife so I can see if I can get blood from a ghost to compare to yours.”

[shikastemari]

theoretical - b&s.

pairing boruto uzumaki x sarada uchiha

characters uzumaki family; uchiha family

request

word count 5,416

when it happens they’re 16 here

warnings none

a/n so, it has been a while since i posted anything, and i got a little carried away so here you go.

MASTERLIST

"Wow, Himawari, thanks. Very helpful."

A laugh coming from the next room followed his sentence. Boruto was sitting on the chair on his bedroom and the door which divided his room and Himawari's was open. He had a rubber ball on his hand, his mother had given it to him as a stress free, but basically he used to disturb Himawari throwing it on the wall.

Only that today, he was the one being bothered by her.

"Boruto, what do you want from me? I already told you what you should do. Let Sarada tell him." Her voice echoed from her bedroom and Boruto sighed.

"I can't do that, dattebasa! It doesn't feel right." He threw the ball again, catching when it came rapidly.

"She is his daughter, the chances he is going to kill her is way lower than getting murdered by him, honestly." She pointed out.

A low growl emitted from his throat. "So, is that what you would do? You would tell dad instead of Inojin?"

"We are not official..." Her voice died.

Boruto cleared his throat.

"Yet." Himawari hastily answered, but Boruto could feel her discomfort through the walls. "However, yes, I'd tell dad myself. Do you know he has a fucking bijuu inside him, right? When he is using Kurama's chakra, it seems he is literally on fire."

Boruto rolled his eyes at her, even though she couldn't see it. "No wonder why Inojin and you are not official." He threw the ball again, and it almost hit his favorite portrait of him and Sarada.

"Right. Do you also know that Uncle Sasuke can create a huge purple skeleton that could crash you in five seconds, maybe less?"

Himawari was always poking fun of him because of his relationship as he was always quick to retort, which generally tend to have them both at each other's throat more often than not. It was just a part of a natural dynamic. At the end of the day, Boruto always knew he could count on her to literally everything.

Apparently, except for giving useful advices.

Boruto frowned at the thought. "Himawari, I am shocked how convenient you are being in this situation. Like for real."

Her laugh was so loud, Boruto actually wondered if she wasn't at the door, looking at his face.

"Let Sarada tell him about your relationship." She suggested one more time, still panting from the laugh. Boruto could picture his sister wipping way her giggling tears.

"No, I want to do it. I feel like if I let her do it, I'd be breaking his trust and I need it bad, Hima. As a master and as my father-in-law." The last word had a weird taste in his mouth.

"It doesn't suppose to be this hard Boruto, it is not like you and Sarada had done anything more than kissing." Boruto raised one of his eyebrows, thinking about all the things him and Sarada have done and how Sasuke would cut him into tiny pieces with his Chidori if he knew about it. Automatically, he threw the ball on the wall and caught it right away.

"Boruto?" She asked again.

No answer, just the noise of the ball being pressed against their wall.

Her slim figure appeared on the door, her eyes wide open as she covered her mouth with shock. "HOLY SHIT, BORUTO. ALREADY?"

Not expecting the sudden apparition of his sister, Boruto missed the ball he had just thrown and it hit him right on the face, making him unbalance and falling out of his chair.

"SHUT UP HIMAWARI. IT IS NOT WHAT YOU ARE THINKING."

It is probably way worse, he thought to himself.

"I am so telling Inojin that." Himawari entered on the room, going direct for his bed and letting her body rest there, leaning against her brother's pillow. Boruto stood up, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

Boruto sighed heavily, wondering how he ended up like this, asking his younger sister for dating advices. “I hate you.”

"Well, there is something else you can try to figure this out." She declared as Boruto's head jolted over to his little sister. "Talk to dad."

"The first thing dad would do was going to tell Sasuke about my relationship with Sarada." He squinted at his sister.

She grinned as she sat down at the bed, her head tilting as if challenging him somehow. "But he is the only person alive who had beaten Sasuke Uchiha before."

"You got a point." Boruto sighed. He wasn't normally the kind of person to go out of his way to ask his father for help. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he actually did it. But something had to be done and he would accept everything that come his way.

"Come on, take your chance now that he is fixing the garden for mom." Himawari got up  and pulled Boruto towards the door with her.

The Uzumaki sibilings ran down the stairs, pacing when they heard a glass noise coming from the kitchen. Boruto and Himawari found their father wearing a jeans overalls, covered in dirty. He had a glass of water on his hand, resting his body against the sink.

"The hero Naruto Uzumaki, great hokage of the Konohakagure and a gardener on his spare time." Boruto muttered, earning a elbow on his ribs from his sister in response.

"Hey, don't mock him! He could beat you up with both hands tied up on his back." Himawari shot back, giving him a nasty glance, before turning to their dad. Such a daddy's little girl.

"Dad, Boruto needs help." Himawari shouted from the door kitchen, where both of them were placed. Boruto was still trying to figure out what would he tell his dad, so Himawari blurting out the truth like that didn't make anything easier.

Sarada would know exactly what to do. She was the sort of girl that could say one thing and magically turn your whole day around. Boruto wasn't like that. He had trouble to understand people well enough to have that sort of talent. Unfortunately, Sarada was probably sleeping after a  big mission they had just arrived that day, which meant Boruto had to deal with this by himself.

Naruto startled a bit, but his blue eyes stopped on a pair of eyes exactly like his.

"Hima!" Boruto hissed at her, putting both of his hands on his hips and Naruto had to contain a laugh. The boy could look like him, but when he was angry, he was definitely Hinata.

"What? Direct to the point."  She shrugged, going straight to the couch and laying there. Boruto could feel her the expectations emanating from her look.

"So... Dad. If Him-"

Himawari punched Boruto, making him fly a meter away from where he was originally standing. He didn't even know how could she move that fast in such a short period of time. Maybe she was the next in line to become Konoha's flash, just like their grandparent.

"DON'T DRAG MY NAME INTO THIS!" She yelled at him, going back to the couch.

"FINE, DATTEBASA!" Almost automatically, a scowl came to mark Boruto's features. "Okay. Dad. How would you like to know that one of your children is dating?"

"Who is dating?" The curiosity swarming though Naruto was obvious to anyone in the room.

"No one is dating." Boruto looked around, lying to his father. "It is theoretical." He quickly added.

"Hmm, I see." Naruto didn't buy it, but he was ready to play along. "Well, theoretically I would like them to tell me."

"What about the partner telling you?" Boruto clenched his fist and for the first time, he wondered why did he have to fall in love with someone with such complicated background. He totally blamed Sarada for her beauty and intelligence, or else, he wouldn't be in this situation if it wasn't for her.

"What? Like your girlfriend telling me?" Naruto questioned and Boruto's cheek colored a whole new color of red.

"Theoretical girlfriend." Boruto corrected hastily.

"Right, why would your theoretical girlfriend tell me you are dating her?"

Boruto gave out a frustrated growl. "I don't know, respect? Maybe you are her master and she needs you to keep trusting her."

"Maybe..." It took some time but Naruto finally understood what was going on with his son, spluttering in shock with Boruto's indirect confession. "Oh no. HELL NO. BORUTO PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE NOT DATING SARADA."

"WHAT? I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. IT IS ALL THEORETICALLY." Boruto shouted, taking a step back as his father had just slapped him.

Naruto turned his look from Boruto to Himawari, who only nodded in response.

"HIMAWARI!" Boruto shouted over, his eyes widened in betrayal.

"What? I am not going to lie to dad." Himawari folded her arms, her eyebrows raised in a teasing arrogance.

"Boruto." Naruto called him out, clearing his throat right after, grinning widely as he shot a worried glance to his miniature in front of him. "Are you planning to tell Sasuke you are dating his daughter?"

"Yes, dad." His son acknowledged, still startle that his father had figured it out so easily.

"Like holding hands dating?" Naruto bit his lip in amusement as a faint blush overtook his son's cheek.

"Dad." Boruto's voice were now a protest this far.

"Like kissing??????" His father added, his eyebrows shot up.

Boruto groaned. "It doesn't matter what I do with Sarada!" At that point, there was a small chance Boruto would be forever red.

"Fine, why don't Sarada tell him? The chances of getting killed in this process are lower, 'ttebayo!" His father proposed, his brows furrowing.

"Thanks dad." Boruto frowned as the same time Himawari voiced 'I told you' from the couch. Her amused demeanour was almost tangible, Boruto just knew she had a shit-eating grin plastered on her face.

"Okay, let's breath and take a moment to analyze everything. First of all…" Naruto was now smiling big as if he had just absorbed the whole thing. "I AM SO HAPPY YOU AND SARADA-CHAN ARE DATING!"

"DAD! FOCUS!" Raising his voice for some sort of authority, Boruto facepalmed himself, already regretting Himawari's idea of telling their father, but deep down he was grateful for how truly happy he father seemed about the new news.

Naruto sat down on the kitchen table, his fingers intertwining over the table. "Right. Second of all, we need a plan."

"Wow, dad, you are a genius, are you serious I need a plan? I haven't realized i-" There was two things Boruto was sure in his life: one was death and the other was to stop talking whenever his father eyes became reddish or orangish, looking like a fox's or a frog's eye. "Sorry."

"When you are going to tell him, you have to tell him it wasn't something you had planned. It happened out of nowhere. You have to tell him how much you care for her." Naruto's smirk was the kind of that all Boruto wanted was to wipe it from his face and that only seemed to amuse him even more.

"Like voicing my feelings for his daughter out loud?" Boruto asked in disbelief, hoping his dad was now teasing him. He couldn't possible think he was going to tell Sasuke his actual feelings. He hadn't even told Sarada about them yet.

Naruto couldn't hide the whole entertainment behind his eyes even if he had tried. His son always talked big, but when it came down to his relationship, he wasn't as cocky as he pretended to be. "Only the fluff ones. Keep your dirty thought- oh my, my own kid. How did you grow up so fast?"

Boruto looked at the man, his eyes ablaze. "Naruto." He hissed in a low and threatening voice that would make even the bravest shinobi shake in his boots, but it was his father he was talking to.

"Fine, dattebayo. Don't Naruto me, young man. Oh, kami. I wish your mother was here. Why did I send her to a mission on this day?" His lips were tugged up by a small smile.

"You are not helping!" It seemed the minutes talking to his dad were quite possibly the slowest ones Boruto had experienced. The wait for an answer was so mind rumbing that he could swear his brain was leaking out his ears.

"Fine, important point: Sakura must be there." Naruto blurted out, his hand resting on his chin, thinking about the outcomes of that particular situation. It was one of the things he had become better since he became Hokage.

"What? What if Aunt Sakura doesn't approve?" Boruto threw his hands in the air, almost as defeat. He was pretty sure at that point that speaking to his father would be no help at all.

"Not gonna lie, son. There is a chance, you are my kid after all and Sakura knows me too well." Naruto's cheek flushed on how it might sounded to his children. "Because she is my best friend, so if it happens, make sure to remember her you are also Hinata's son."

"It is embarrassing enough to tell one parent. Imagine two." His cheeks burned red just thinking about the matter.

"Sakura is a medic nin, so she has to help you in case, well, you know." Naruto pointed out, Boruto couldn't argue his thought did make sense. "In the worst scenario, you can also use her as a shield. I am sure she will jump in front of you anyway."

"Okay." Boruto took a deep breath to gather courage to finally accept it. "I will do it. Do you know when Sasuke is coming to the village again?" He questioned his father, his tone completely confident.

"If I am not mistaken, next week. He had some reports to bring me." Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to remember correctly when his best friend would appear in the Village.

"Fine. I will make sure I finish my bucket list this week." Boruto retorted, his confidence vanishing as he remember why Sasuke was his father's right hand. It was because he was one of the strongest shinobi alive. Just that.

"Boruto?" Naruto called, making his son turn his face towards him. "Everything is going to be fine. Even if he doesn't react nicely, deep down he will like the news. I know that." His father's word calmed down him a bit.

"How can you be sure of that?" Boruto hated himself for showing weakness to his father, but it wasn't like he could help it. Although, all he saw in his eyes was pure love and that alone made him at ease.

"We've been through a lot, him and I. I know him very well at this point." Boruto missed out when his father moved until he was standing next to him. Naruto rested a hand on his son's shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze. It gave Boruto such a needed support and he didn't think he could even be more thankful for actually listened to Himawari. "You can do it."

Such a tiny phrase carried with so much tenderness.

"I can do it." Boruto echoed, taking a deep breath.

-

"I totally can't do it."

Boruto was standing in front of Sarada's house, gathering courage to knock on the door. His father had told him Sasuke was in the village and he had heard that today Sakura wouldn't be working, so the chances were both of them were at home. Boruto wasn't quite sure if Sarada was there, but a small part of him wanted her to be. After all, maybe he could use her as a shield instead her mother.

He took a deep breath and cursed himself a few times more, wishing he had glanced the mirror at least one more time just to make sure he looked at least somewhat presentable. The sweat pants and old band shirt he was wearing wasn't his most impressive outfil, but it should qualify as acceptable for dying on the hands of his father-in-law. At least he hoped it did.

"Keep yourself together, Boruto. You can do it, you can do it, you can do-" He whispered while knocking on the door, already feeling how sweaty his hands were, but it didn't take much until the door cracked open, revealing a pinkette with a gentle smile on her face.

"Aunt Sakura." Boruto greeted, his heart beating much faster due the antecipation.

"Boruto. What a nice surprise." She pulled the blond for a tight hug. "Are you here to see Sarada?" He stood there awkwardly for a second before forcing himself to speak.

"Actually, no. Is Sasuke there?" He questioned, umconfortable, but it seemed it went unnoticed to his mother-in-law eyes.

"Yes, in the kitchen." She simply answered back, not finding anything strange on his request. After all, Boruto was still Sasuke's pupil.

The number of steps he had to take until he finally reached the kitchen seemed infinite. He was already so used to make that same path, together with Sarada, but without her, it was way harder.

His master was sitting on the table, taking a cup of tea.

Boruto did everything is his power not to laugh at the sight. He always wondered what people would think if he told them that their heros were actually normal people, who fixed gardens on their free time and drink tea in tiny cups.

Closing his eyes to concentrate, he cleared his throat. "Sasuke."

"Boruto." The way his master drew out his name made his heart start beating faster in nervousness and twist painfully all at once in his chest. "It is still early for our training."

"I know, it is just.." He trailed off, staring at the floor as he felt his face start to burn. "I need to tell you something."

"Then, speak." Sasuke replied, his eyes still on the hot cup in front of him.

Sakura entered the room a moment after and Boruto let out a relief sigh. The boy trained in front of the mirror a thousand times, repassing everything on his mind, unable to make a single mistake on his words.

But seeing both of his in-law in front of him just made him forget how to speak properly.

"Well, just so you know, it happened out of nowhere." He began.

"What? Were you attacked?" The most shock Sasuke could show was a slightly lift of one eyebrow.

Boruto decided to go another way. "What? No. First of all, I would like to say I have a huge appreciation for everything you have done for me during all this time and so you know, I would never do anything to break your trust."

"Why does it feels like you are cheating on me?" Sasuke deadpanned.

Oh boy. This wasn't going well.

"No, Sasuke! That's not it." Boruto cringed at his own words. That was probably weird. Sarada was never going to let him live this down when she heard about it. Then Sarada would tell Shikadai and Chocho and they would tease him about it for years to come. He started to consider wheter it would make the situation worse if he fled to Sarada's room when Sakura gave him a small smile, giving him a bit of strength to keep going. "Well, if, theoretically, something happened to Sarada, you would appreciate me telling you, right?"

Sasuke nodded, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "I thought that was an obvious thing."

Boruto looked around the room before answering. "Right. Even if, theoretically, it was a relationship?"

Dead silence.

"Boruto, if you don't cut straight to the point I will use my sharingan to roam over your mind. Not theoretically speaking." Sasuke's anger bubble over in a flash, pointing down at his pupil.

So, the next thing Boruto knew, he was talking so fast that even he wasn't sure about was going out of his mouth. "Iaminlovewithyourdaughterandshelikesmetoo." Sarada will be the death of me, he wanted to verbalize, his whole face flushing an intense red.

Sakura was the first one to absorb the news. She literally went from stunned silence to quick-fire questions, brows furrowing in shock and disbelief. Sasuke just kept staring at Boruto like a horn had suddenly appeared on his forehead.

"Sorry, can you repeat it, but with pauses?" Sasuke narrowed his eyes halfheartedly, shaking his head with his eyes closed.

"I am sorry, it just happened! I don't know if you can understand because she is your daughter but there is no way to fight this feeling. She is just too amazing and wonderful, you know? Of course you know, you made her. But what I am trying to say is- there is purple chakra leaking from your body."

"Boruto." Sasuke's tone was low and husky and it startled Boruto more than anything he had heard before.

"Sasuke-kun, don't you dare use Susanoo and destroy our house because I will break every bone in your body, fix it, and then break them all over again!" Sakura's clipped voice cut through the air like a kunai and, satisfying, it had the intended effect in making her husband stop moving, as she placed herself in front of him.

"Sakura, get out of the way." He argued, but he also did nothing to move her. Boruto knew way too well his master's power and the fact that Sakura could stop him from doing whatever it was on his mind made him find a new admiration for her.

"Sorry, babe. This time I am in charge." She assured, turning to face Boruto with both of her hands on her hips, narrowing her eyes at him.

Boruto swallowed hard and opened his mouth to explain that yes, he was Naruto's son but he was also Hinata's when two arms held him.

"OH MY, YOU AND SARADA-CHAN I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU TWO!" Sakura beamed, holding him so tight Boruto thought he was going to die of suffocation. On his dying scenarios at the Uchiha compound, Sakura hugging him happily to death wasn't one of them.

"Aunt Saku-" Boruto called out for her, breathless. "I can't breathe."

"Oh sorry." She loosened up, but kept a arm around him as she heard her husband scoff behind her.

Boruto was still blinking in surprise as he tried to comprehend the rush of the words that came out of Sakura's mouth. Did she actually support their relationship this much? He almost didn't believe it.

"So you are going to let him fool around with our baby girl?" Sasuke's words brought Boruto out of his train of thought and his eyes widened at his master.

"She is sixteen, honey. She is not a baby anymore." Sakura protested, folding her arms across her chest, still between Sasuke and Boruto.

"Hmpf, speak for yourself, Sakura. She is not at the age to date." Never in Boruto's life he had seen the voice of his master actually fade or even crack at one word, but he was sure the word date almost didn't leave his lips.

"Sasuke-kun, only because you were being a rebel on this age, it doesn't mean your daughter can't be a normal teenager and have a boyfriend." Sakura rolled her eyes at him, but deep down, she almost wasn't able to hide the amusement. She had seen Sasuke all doting father and stuff, and that was the reason why she always thought about this very particular moment. The moment that he would find out that his little girl wasn't that little anymore.

"Does she feel the same way?" Sasuke's question seemed more a demand, as he completely ignored his wife's statement. The remark caught Boruto off-guard, especially since he wasn't sure whether it was meant as a slight or a death threat. Sasuke's vague eyes could be an indication of both, he was largely affected by the prospect of his daughter in a relationship.

Boruto hesitated a little, not sure about what he would want to hear. Did he think Boruto would go through all this if Sarada hadn't said she loved him back? "Hmm, yeah?"

"Are you asking me?" Sasuke fumed, passing one hand through his hair and breathing deeply.

"I mean, I hope that she does, or I am getting myself killed for nothing." Boruto cursed himself mentally for ditching his mind filter. The damn thing seemed not be working.

Sasuke sighed in defeat. He didn't know how his smart daughter managed to fall in love with someone such as Boruto, but taken aback, how could him blame her? Uzumaki people were just nice people to have around, as himself was aware of that. Although, it never crossed his mind his daughter and Naruto's son would actually be together together.

Just the thought of it made him shiver.

"When did it happen?" He asked, finally.

"I don't even know how to answer this one. It was always there. As I said before, she is too amazing, Sasuke. Not only she's an unbelievable kunoichi, but she is also so strong mentally and her heart... It is just so big. It kind makes me want to protect her, dattebasa. All I want is to protect her." He breathed out, nervously.

Sasuke's eyes softened a little and Boruto gave himself a mental pat on the back for managing to say the rights things. Well, the person who actually deserved the pat was his father, since was his advice to begin with, but he was happy to be alive at that point.

A beat as Sasuke pondered his words. Then he shrugged. "I guess I would happen eventually, and better you than any unknown bastard that I can't make suffer on our trainings."

"Hm, what?" Boruto questioned back, almost afraid to hear again the words suffer and trainings on the same sentence, but the next words that came from Sasuke's mouth made his heart stop beating.

"You two have my blessing."

Boruto was sure that he was staring at his master with his jaw dropped to the ground. Was that it? Of course, if Sakura wasn't there, it'd have been way worst, and maybe he'd have been punched or worst. But he survived.

Thank Naruto, his father plan actually worked.

Boruto was so wrapped around his own thought, he actually forgot about leaving. Only when he was about to exit, he noticed Sasuke was putting on his cloth, his feet going straight to the door.

"Honey, where are you going?" Sakura placed both of her hands on her hips, and Boruto wondered if him and Sarada got married, would she be that scary?

Sasuke didn't even look back at her direction, not that Boruto actually blamed him. Aunt Sakura was just terrifying when she was mad. "I need to pay a visit to a old friend."

"Sasuke-kun, please, don't destroy another valley with Naruto again. I am letting you two bleed to death this time." She asserted, crossing her arms across her chest one time more. Sasuke just took a deep breath, walked toward her and kissed her forehead, tinting her cheeks red.

Boruto didn't understand a single word of what she said, but he didn't argue either. He was feeling luckier enough.

"Boruto?" Sasuke called out.

"Yes?"

"Don't you dare break her heart, or I will hunt you down to the end of the Earth."

For some reason Boruto didn't understand, the threaten didn't give him the will to run away. Maybe because he knew it would never happen. There was not a single chance Boruto would break Sarada's heart, and if someday he actually did it, he would gladly accept any punishment his master and father-in-law had for him. "I won't. It is a promise."

"Good. Uzumaki have the tendency to not break them, better keep that up." Then, he left.

But Sakura could swear there was a shadow of a smile on his lips when he did.

 -

"He. Fucking. Did. It." Sarada slid against her door, sitting on the floor and letting out a sigh in relief she had been holding for so long. "And papa didn't kill him. I can believe it actually happened." She put both of her hands on her mouth to muffle her shocked giggle. Since the very beginning when she heard Boruto's voice, she couldn't believe he would actually tell him.

Damn it, Shikadai you idiot. She shook her head, already going straight to her safe to gather the money to pay him. At least now she knew, never in her lifetime she would bet against Boruto. He was always unpredictable but one thing she could always count on: he would do whatever it took to keep their relationship going.

With that thought, she left her room, eager to hug the hell out of her boyfriend.

 -

"Papa?"

After Boruto left to Sarada's that morning, Himawari decided she was going to help her father to finish the garden he had been working on for a week. Honestly, the girl thought it was a waste of his days-off, but Naruto didn't seem to mind.

"What?” He was burying the last tulip's seeds on the soil, concentrated.

"I have something to tell you." She stated, watering the space he had just finished. Soon he got up and looked to the ground, expectation sparkling on his eyes even though it was all earth. The girl stood by his side, glancing sideways over him.

"You can tell me anything, Himawari." He finally said, peered down at his wife miniature.

"Actually, I have a few questions first.” She started to go inside the house and Naruto followed her, intrigued. Nothing in the world would have prepared him for the next questions that came out of her mouth, especially because he didn't understand the point. "Do you consider Uncle Sai a strong shinobi?"

"What kind of question is that?" Naruto scoffed, already opening the refrigerator to pour him a glass of cold water and offering another one to his daughter.

Himawari accepted, taking a sip before encouraging him to  continue. "Just answer it."

"Of course I do." He responded with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Does he know any seal jutsu that could hold you?"

"Beg your pardon? Are you trying to seal me?" Naruto looked on worriedly as he moved around to the other side of the table, where his daughter was leaning on, completely confused.

"No, dad. Just answer!" Himawari laughed and threw the tiny rest of her water on his face. There was almost nothing on the glass except for a few drops but he still grimaced when it touched his skin.

He nodded, as he wipped the liquid from his face. "Yes, he has a strong jutsu capable of holding me back, for sure."

"And Aunt Ino, does she know anything about medic ninjutsu?" She was now looking down to the glass at her hand, her finger making circle around the border.

"Yeah, she used to be Tsunade's apprentice like Sakura-chan, although she is not as good as her." There was a bit of proud on his tone, and she knew it because he was always happy for his best friend. They must have had a hell of a crazy teenage years, she thought to herself.

"Hm, okay. I am satisfied with your answers." She stood up, straight, and the sudden action remembered Naruto of himself when he was at an important meetings and had to drop some random news at the others.

"Hima, I am not followin-"

"I am dating Inojin." She cut him off, her heart pounding like crazy inside her chest, waiting for her father outburst. Somehow, it didn't come and Himawari didn't discard the option that maybe it was even worst.

"Honey, kids, I am hom- Naruto, why are you using Kurama's chakra in our kitchen and why are you holding that kunai?" Hinata paused for a second before realization hit her. "Oh no, you told him, didn't you? Naruto, you can't kill your daughter's first boyfriend."

"I am just paying a visit to a old friend. Me and Sai need to talk." He said, already storming out to the door, as Himawari facepalmed herself.

"Naruto!" Hinata screamed one more time.

"Don't worry, mom. I just followed his plan, it is going to work." Himawari sighed. "Well, theoretically."

Hinata didn't understand what her daughter meant by that but one thing she was sure. If their kid decided to listen to their father crazy plans, they would be doomed, nor theoretically speaking.

[ghostlykaijutsu]

mining for salt

lol don’t mind me, there’s nothing that you’ve never heard before, I’m mostly writing this to myself out of anxiety. 

Why did Pein not give extra time for Hidan and Kakuzu to clear the witnesses after the Asuma fight? Did you wanted a revenge arc, because that’s how you get one. Now they know how Hidan’s jutsu works, down to a fatal flaw, so why take the risk of letting that info reach Konoha? Pein you worked for years on this plan, you got the bijuu ready for extraction, just give them like an hour and fucking chill instead of taking a risk like that.

Why send Hidan and Kakuzu after the 9-tail jinchuriki when it was established as Itachi & Kisame’s job? Itachi made it very clear with “Madara” that Konoha was off-limits and Naruto was his target to deal with. 

Why send them after the 9-tail if they have to seal them in order? Even Itachi, much later on, mentions that going after the 9-tail before having sealed the 8 others was a dumbass useless plan.

why the fuck did Kakashi took the time to take Kakuzu’s blood while having his hand through him and being sure that he had killed him? If he thought that he had successfully gotten a killing blow, why the hell would he need to go on with Shikamaru’s blood plan? He said it himself that he was 100% sure that he struck Kakuzu’s heart but then goes on and takes a sample anyways.

---- * Also, does Kakuzu actually bleeds? Is his blood only found in his threads (because he clearly has no veins/arteries) and if so, how did Kakashi managed to get to that? Kakuzu’s body is so fucking weird does he even have organs other than hearts and his brain i guess? Does he even have a skeleton or it’s just the threads keeping his shape? Does he collect hearts because they’re the source of chakra reserves and flow but don’t actually need to pump blood for his thing to work? what why, Kakuzu is the last person who should have been target of a blood-based plan because this raises too many questions, plot holes and contradictions BAD WRITING KISHI * ---

Why did they thought that finding them again would be like a weekend mission rather than a damn lifetime quest? Like it took dozens of squads to scour the country to find Hidan & Kakuzu at first, and they had the hint that a collection office could be the spot to look for. 

So why the hell did they expect or knew that Hidan & Kakuzu would be within 5 minutes of the hole in the forest? Because Shikamaru can only run with one of them through Shadow Possession for 5 minutes, what was the plan to lure them near the Nara estate once found? Needing an exact location for a plan to work is an incredibly risky, dumbass plan. 0/10. Shikamaru, your non-sense is showing.

Why would Kakashi accept to be their team captain for this? Kakashi you’re the last person who would consider going after an S-rank Akatsuki out of revenge to be acceptable. Remember that kid called Sasuke and how that turned out. Kishi likes to write ooc way too much.

Speaking of ooc, why are Izumo, Kotetsu, Ino and Choji still alive? They got held up high by the throat by a ridiculously strong man who can easily snap bones. Their spines and throats should have been crushed the instant Kakuzu grabbed them. Why did Kishimoto bother to have an efficient killer hold people by their thoats but not kill them? Like in-character!Kakuzu would have killed them, if Kishi did not want them dead he should really not have written Kakuzu grabbing them. 

[phoenixyfriend]

When You Edo Tensei a Dinosaur

Can theoretically fit into “Karin and Tobirama science at each other” if you branch it off early enough.

Tobirama, who recently Politics Married and is living with the Uchiha: Why are you here? Karin: Fucked up a seal. Tobirama: Great. Why are you here? Suigetsu, popping up: Because when Mito's angry, it's scary, but when you're angry about the bitch fucking up a seal, it's hilarious. Tobirama: What did you do? Karin: Necromancied a dinosaur. Tobirama: ... Madara: Who are these peo-- Tobirama: You what. Karin: Necromancied a dinosaur. Suigetsu: And we can't turn it off. Karin: Yeah, what he said. Sasuke's fighting it right now. Suigetsu: Rampaging T-Rex, about fifteen miles north. Tobirama: ... Madara: How do you know these kids? Tobirama: I hate everything about this. Wait here, I'm getting my armor.

Some time later, or perhaps the same day, Karin necromancies a megalodon and gives it antigrav seals.

Literally NO PART of this is advisable but Karin spent her teenage years in Oto and since when has 'inadvisable' stopped literally anyone in Oto from committing a crime against nature.

Tobirama: Is... is that a western dragon? Karin: Yeah. Tobirama: The kind that doesn't actually exist? Karin: Uh-huh. Tobirama: Fighting your flying megalodon. Karin: Cool, right? Tobirama: How. Karin: Turns out, if you fuck around with a brachiosaurus skeleton enough-- Tobirama: WHY

Karin's idea was initially "Well, I'm bored and Suigetsu bet me I couldn't do it and then vaguely implied it an Edo Tensei dinosaur could be useful against a bijuu, and he's WRONG about the dinosaur but he's even MORE wrong that I can't do it."

And then she just. Kept. Adding. Bits.

(I am just... I love the idea of the number of things Karin and Suigetsu do just on the basis of "Bet?”)

(Is it TECHNICALLY their canon relationship? Not quite. Is it hilarious, to me? Yes.)