#skeevy sheev

[meanderandwander]

AU where freshly knighted Obi Wan bugs the chancellors office because he might not be able to stop him privately meeting his young padawan but he can make sure nothing bad happens to Anakin. He waits in nearby areas with his friends (often with Quinlan) to rush in if skeevy sheev says anything even slightly dodgy. This means he can reduce the impact of palpatine manipulating Anakin and means that when he is told they need to find evidence of the chancellor being a sith lord, he conveniently already has a way to get evidence.

[phoenixyfriend]

Slaves of the Senate AU

Do you ever come up with a premise for a Star Wars fic that is just so fucked up--

Okay so if you've ever read the Bleach fic New Order, it's a little bit inspired by that, but also by Jedi Indentured AU, Boundless, and a couple of others. Warnings will be just under the cut and in the tags, so please scroll past if you're not in the mood for That Stuff.

This is not a happy AU and will contain the usually Ugly things from the Indentured AU and similar, namely slavery with sexual elements. From this point forward there will be a lot of references to noncon, dubcon, pregnancy, torture, and so on.

Pre-RotS notes: Ahsoka is still a Jedi, and derailing RotS involved her still being there (keeps Anakin a fraction more stable), and Ventress having been captured at some point shortly before.

Setting start: RotS goes differently, in part because O66 doesn't get kicked into gear. Anakin doesn't Fall, and not all the Council members die, so Palpatine has the clones enact a different brain chip order: taking all the Jedi captive as traitors to the Republic to await an appropriate sentencing from the Senate.

Between Palpatine's emergency powers, anti-Jedi sentiment (enabled by the fact that Even The Clones have turned against them), and the breakdown of democracy, Palpatine does get to be Emperor, and he unilaterally decides on a punishment for the Jedi: Force-Nullifying cuffs on everyone over the age of one, and direct service to the Senate, under clone guard.

(This is actually better than the initial suggestions; Padme and Bail and the rest of their cohort managed to ensure the clone guard element; it's not there to protect Senators from the Jedi, but to protect Jedi from the Senators.) (The clones are still, by and large, under active chip control.)

Any given adult or teen Jedi is 'matched' to a planetary delegation. The Jedi are then 'given the freedom' to decide where to send the Initiates and Crechelings, since there are so many more kids than there are adults, what with the war killing off so many of them.

Palpatine has a goal with all this: putting the Jedi in this situation increases the general suffering a lot (so, yay, more Dark Side Energy for him), but also it gives him a way to directly impact Anakin.

Palpatine claims Anakin, Ventress, and Mace Windu to his own offices as his new Jedi Criminal Support or whatever they choose to call them. No younglings, just these three incredibly dangerous and important people that he can show off as having both won the war and subdued the Jedi uprising.

I think he maybe does a Dark Side thing to anyone who found out he was a Sith, to force them to keep their mouths shut. That way, some of RotS could still happen, leading to less "uhhhh let's figure out some plot? how did this even happen?"

The Senate is given leave to squabble amongst themselves to 'claim' Jedi. For his own entertainment, Palpatine 'suggests' that the Jedi are paired up to planets or senators they already have connections with, if possible. It's seen by the public as a kindness, to let Bail pull Obi-Wan, for Padme to claim Ahsoka, and so on.

It's meant to put them with friendly faces that can help 'rehabilitate' the Jedi to being law-abiding citizens who support the glorious new Empire and all that. Palpatine's handling of the Jedi and the Senate, even after declaring himself Emperor, was always at least partly a matter of balancing public perception.

I didn't really decide on who goes where elsewise, except that Yoda either ended up escaping and is biding his time, or he's with the Wookiees, and most people ended up at with the delegation of their planet of origin, when the numbers worked out. They are also generally guarded by clones they know. The clones don't necessarily act like the people they knew, but most Jedi do not know about the chips, so...

In public, the Jedi just look like. Servants/slaves. They're the latter, but they're all criminals, so does it really count? Look, they were even allowed to keep their children!

(Yes, it would count as slavery even if they were actually traitors.)

In the Senate Dome, Palpatine makes a habit of having Anakin and Ventress kneeling at either side of his throne, wearing a fancy gold collar and fancy gold cuffs that link behind their backs. This is very much a show of wealth and power, ostensibly. (In reality, it's less about showing off his power and more about humiliating these two.)

Some of the Senators do bring the older Jedi with them to the Rotunda. Some do it to be cruel (look how far you've fallen, look how futile it is, look at your fellows chained and tortured), and some do it to be helpful (Bail is hoping for Obi-Wan to pay attention and act as a sounding board to him to help reverse all of this)

Palpatine very rarely allows any clones to be active without their chip to tell them the Jedi are bad. When he does, it's temporary and very much meant to make everyone feel worse about the situation in general. He taunts them all with forcing the active-chipped to do things while the inactive watch in horror and helplessness.

In other areas, the clone guards on the Jedi are generally preventing the Jedi from being sexually assaulted by the less scrupulous Senators... usually. If Palpatine has decided a Jedi is causing too much trouble, or a Senator is worthy of a reward under the table, he can make sure the clones are looking away. (He can even have them do the deed, if the Senators aren't on his side. Nothing quite like the Emperor telling one of your best friends to rape you and then your best friend having to do it, right?)

Rex is actually chip-free, and slowly working to dechip some of his brothers, but that's a very, very small number and the spread is slow. He's been allowed to work under the Naboo delegation to guard Ahsoka. This is, again, meant to be a false kindness, and nobody can figure out what the catch is.

Padme has twin infants in her rooms, and Ahsoka's actual usual day-to-day is keeping an eye on Luke and Leia, and riding herd on a bunch of Initiates who are almost old enough to actually understand what's going on.

It's a very tense situation overall, but the actual horrors are, for the most part (so far), happening up in Palpatine's offices.

He knows that Anakin no longer trusts him, and is actually coming quite close to hating him, and so he doesn't try to pretend he's kind. He has Mace, but mostly just forces him to stand around and watch what's actually going on, which is usually... commanding Anakin and Ventress to have sex, and then shocking them with the collars or threatening Anakin's loved ones if they refuse.

He doesn't stay around to watch--it's not of any interest to him--but he does command chipped clones to ensure the two complete the deed, and that Mace watches from the wall without interfering.

(Mace does not want to watch, but even if he closes his eyes, he can hear, and he's the one that gets to apply bacta or cleanup when the incident is over.)

The three of them are not provided any contact with other Jedi, so nobody really knows what's going on with the three of them other than that Mace is never seen, and the younger two look deader in the eyes with every passing day.

(They're trophies, and at least a few Jedi are trying to make plans for Anakin having a far more complex relationship with this situation than most of them, on account of both his history with this trauma and his connection to the man who ushered it in.)

At one point, Palpatine decides to introduce a new element on a random schedule, which is Alpha-17 and the order to "visit some revenge upon the wretch who tortured you with Kenobi, won't you? There is what you may recognize as a 'breeding bench' in the next room, should you want it."

Alpha-17, for the record, does not want to do that. Alpha-17 does not have a choice.

Even without a chip in his own brain, there are brothers here, and Palpatine threatening to kill Fox if Alpha doesn't take him up on the offer to violate Ventress kind of makes the decision for him.

(So does Ventress catching his eyes and giving him the subtlest nod she can, because they're ALL fucked right now, and there are only so many ways to please Palpatine enough for the tortures to remain at a minimum.)

Palpatine is having a lot of fun finding out how close he can push Anakin to Falling like this.

At one point, a reporter of some shade catches Ahsoka in an off moment and asks if she's had any contact with the disgraced Skywalker. She says that no, she hasn't, and nobody else has, either. "Weren't you civvies all really upset about the whole 'child-stealing' rumor, by the way? Wasn't that a big part of the reason you were angry at the Jedi? Skyguy hasn't even gotten to meet his babies because of the Emperor's punishment. Why should his family be getting torn apart when that's one of those things you guys are always mad about in the first place?"

This hits the media trail and does rounds, but doesn't really have an effect.

Anakin isn't aware of it, of course, because his life is currently hell.

He and Ventress have been bonding over a lot of things, like how they were both slaves from a young age until a Jedi freed them, and the more recent bullshit, which they share with Mace (and sometimes Alpha). Ventress's wartime crimes are still a major horror for all three of the Rep-side guys, sure, but it's kind of fallen by the wayside considering everything going on in the moment.

The Senators who aren't pro-Jedi are getting more and more bold, and Palpatine is letting them push what few boundaries were set at the start. They are dressing up their Jedi in more revealing costumes, having them kneel at their feet in the pods or in the center of their offices. Many of the more attractive Jedi are put in next to nothing and made to serve drinks in a way that, to those in the know, is not dissimilar to a Hutt's court. They are asked to dance, or pose and hold as decoration, or to lay by the Senator's feet and suffer their affections like a pet.

(Senator Taa has not yet had his way with Aayla, but she hates him for how she is sat by his feet so he can caress her lekku and call her a good girl.) (She is finding it ever harder to convince herself that it is wrong to kill an unarmed sentient.) (Most of the Jedi are.)

In some cases, when there is an awareness of who a Jedi might consent to sex with--often a clone or a fellow Jedi that there have been rumors about--those Senators will arrange a show. Sure, the clones are meant to keep them from assaulting the Jedi, but there's nothing in those patchy rules the Emperor gave them about watching a Jedi get railed by her clone commander, right?

(Bly wishes it could have happened differently.)

After all, the Emperor always invites his favorite Senators to come up for drinks when Ventress and Skywalker are putting on a show, gagged and bound and blindfolded. Clearly, it's fine to watch. Sometimes, the Emperor even makes sure the two are in ever so humiliating outfits. It's almost cute!

(Sometimes, it's not the favorite Senators that are invited, but the ones that are the most horrified. Padme isn't, because he's still playing at keeping her and Anakin apart. )

(Bail is, because someone needs to ensure Obi-Wan knows what's going on, and Palpatine can almost taste how delicious his horror at his padawan's suffering will be, when the Senator of Alderaan reports back.)

Sometimes, Fox or Thire or whoever is on guard that day is asked to enact some humiliation, such as cuffing them up and waxing them bare, or binding them in some mutual predicament bondage where neither can escape, an act that is humiliating but not directly sexual so much as enabling the furtherment of Palpatine's enjoyment of the 'show couple' that he's made... and then the clone commander has their gun confiscated and their chip deactivated, and they are left in the room with the full weight of their actions and no weapons to even attempt a revenge on the man who's doing this to them.

They are left to sit with that horror, desperately trying to apologize to Anakin and Mace and even Ventress, maybe, and just when they start to bring themselves back together, the chip is reactivated.

(It happens repeatedly. Sheev thinks it's funny, after all.)

Then, because Palpatine wants to dig all these knives deeper, because incremental increases to the psychological torture truly do give him joy, Ventress is confirmed pregnant.

(It's not like Palpatine ever shied away from nonconsensual body modification in canon, and removing some birth control is nothing compared to what he does to Vader.)

The news leaks, probably by way of clone, but maybe it doesn't, and people just don't know or even suspect until Ventress starts showing, or a non-human delegation with particularly sensitive noses can tell by scent. Bothan, maybe.

The baby is probably Anakin's. (It might be Alpha's.)

This sets off gossip and tabloids like none other, and then Padme demands custody.

The Emperor claims that the child's parents are both terrorists or traitors or felons or what have you? Fine. They can't have custody of any child until they are released? Okay. In that case, the newborn should go to the nearest living relative, and since the Empire--by way of inheriting laws from the Republic--still has a rule on the books and in precedent that prioritizes keeping siblings together whenever possible, one that has not yet been overturned, Ventress's child should be with Luke and Leia, as half-siblings. Padme, as Anakin's wife and mother of his children, is thus the nearest living individual with a right to claim them.

Palpatine lets that happen, because he has precisely zero interest in having a wailing newborn in his living or office space, and it's probably going to really fuck up Ventress to have her child taken away only minutes after it's born.

The media starts clamoring a bit and asking if, since they can't take Padme's children away, and Anakin should be with a Senate member anyway, why not just transfer his sentence to the Naboo delegation? And since Ventress is carrying his kid, presumably, shouldn't she go with him too? It's far more in line with galactic policy, right? You'd still have the Head of the Order, Emperor. That's quite the person to have as your own resident Jedi Criminal!

Palpatine decides to let it happen, for now. A touch of happiness in the moment will make the later horrors when they're ripped apart again so much harsher, when there's been a chance to build up some fragile bonds again, and even in the meantime, Anakin's marriage will be on the rocks from the (forced) infidelity, the new child, and the circle of horror that's going to happen whenever they talk about what they've been going through.

(And they can't even mention Palps is a Sith.)

The family is somewhat happily reunited. Padme pastes on a fake smile--she's trying REALLY hard, you guys--for Ventress, and asks if she's had any prenatal care, because Padme wasn't too great about that herself, and she wishes she'd tried harder to discretely see a doctor. Threepio knows how to make a variety of pregnancy-friendly foods, by the way, do you need a snack?

Padme has to put in a lot of effort to not be jealous of how close Anakin and Ventress are now, how well they know each other, compared to Anakin and Padme after their snatches of time here and there over the course of three years. It's patently ludicrous to be jealous of their situation, so she shoves it down deep and decides to deal with it later.

Anakin gets to hold Luke and Leia, at least. He cries. So does everyone else, especially Ahsoka.

(The Guard show up one day. They need to 'borrow' Anakin and the very pregnant Ventress for an event the Emperor is hosting. He'd like to display them, you see. All above-board, promise.)

(They are met by Alpha-17, and they all know the rest of the night is going to be nothing but bondage and unwanted sexual activity.)

(Anakin ends up fucking into Ventress while speared on Alpha's cock, and it's... he might have enjoyed it, in another situation. Here... no. Nothing.)

Their 'reward' for cooperating is that Alpha gets to move into Padme's apartments with them.

It's deeply awkward, for all the same reasons, except also because Rex was kind of in love with Anakin for the last bit of the war, Anakin who has now been fucked by Rex's big brother apparently, and that's not romantic but it is trauma and bonding through sexual horror, and also Rex refuses to make a move while Anakin is in this specific shape of hell and flinches from even his own wife, so what can he even do? The web of relationships with just the four people actually doing sex things is already complicated enough, he can't do anything about it.

Alternately, Rex isn't interested in Anakin but has been having his own horrible situation going on with the Emperor 'encouraging' Padme to put Ahsoka in her place with the help of Rex's dick, which is all kinds of weird and uncomfortable since they were sort of dating, but also not.

IDK where I'm going with this as a plot, other than the idea that some of the Jedi who escaped capture try to save their family after regrouping in the Outer Rim. It involves Cal and Merrin, mostly because I need Merrin and Ventress to somehow compound their powers the second the Force-nullification cuffs and collar come off.

Other option is that, between Rex's spreading of the chip removal and Ahsoka getting temporarily possessed by a magic owl from outer space, the revolution starts from 'inside the house,' so to speak.

[thelibrarian1895]

Mandalorians hate Jedi because...

"the Jedi are child stealers" NO

And again I say NO. I saw someone claim this and it absolutely infuriated me.

First point, THE JEDI ARE NOT CHILD STEALERS. That accusation is sithspit anti jedi propaganda. If a parent or guardian told the Jedi no, they didn't want their kid to be a Jedi, the Jedi respected that. They would, however, remove children from danger. But would you call a social worker who took children from environments where they were being molested, starved, beaten, or worse, a child stealer? No? Then don't call the Jedi child stealers for the same actions.

Second point, the average Mandalorian didn't really know or care too much about Jedi. In all honestly, most Mandalorians, like the rest of the galaxy, had no real idea about the difference between Jedi or other force sects like the nightsisters or general darksiders or even the sith except perhaps the color of their lightsabers. Some Mandalorians, like our beloved Din Djarin, knew nothing at all about Jedi and only cared when in became relevant and then did as much research as possible regarding the Jedi. Others, like Jango Fett, had very personal interactions with Jedi and formed their opinions of the Jedi as a whole based on those interactions with no further reason or desire to look further into the Jedi.

Third point, for Mandalorians who studied history or listened to old stories, they knew why the Mandalorians disliked the Jedi and it was for a very simple reason that they liked to avoid actively admitting. That reason? The Jedi kicked the shebs of the Mandalorian armies.

Twice.

Quite possibly there was another point when the Jedi suppressed the Mandalorian empire but there were two times for certain. Granted, the republic played a large part and the Jedi definitely didn't all interfere in one of those two conflicts, and actually actively avoided one of those two conflicts except in a few cases, and there were definitely some terrible things done, but the fact remains that when the Mandalorian empire attempted to expand and basically take over the galaxy, the Jedi were key to stopping this. And no, the Mandalorian empire was not a good thing. But more importantly, if you thought your ancestors or your cultures' armies were in the right and they were beaten, would you like the descendants of those who beat your side?

Fourth point, would you like the side that beat your side if they refused to give you a proper rematch? The Mandalorians who know anything about Jedi know that Jedi have access to all this power, plus generally have a super cool plasma sword, but the Jedi won't fight or they'll de-escalate or generally indulge in pacifistic behavior and we all know how Mandalorians feel about presumed pacifists, right? A Mandalorian denied a fight is often a frustrated Mandalorian. A Mandalorian who sees someone who has all this strength and power often doesn't understand why that person doesn't use that power, doesn't take revenge or slaughter their enemies or a million other things that they would do with such power. So those that don't understand choose to dislike. Why won't the Jedi fight them?! (please imagine the sentence immediately previous spoken in an extremely whiney tone of voice)

Fifth point, the Mandalorians frequently throughout history worked with the Sith or were on the Sith side of conflicts because of a lack of knowledge about force sects meant the Mandalorians didn't generally realize how absolutely stupid it is to side with the Sith but beyond that the Mandalorians often learned about the Jedi from the Sith. So the Mandalorians got stories from the Sith about the Jedi being weak and cold and blah, blah, blah stupid sith propaganda that I don't want to perpetuate. And those Mandalorians would then think themselves Jedi experts, because hadn't they learned about the Jedi from another Jedi? Granted, a dark Jedi but still a Jedi, right? So they'd tell other Mandalorians the propaganda and so the Mandalorians had that Sith skewed idea of the Jedi perpetuated throughout their history.

So the Mandalorians have their own reasons for not like the Jedi, which have NOTHING to do with child stealing, just as the Jedi have plenty of reasons to want to avoid the Mandalorians. Personally though I'm going to blame a lot of those reasons on both sides on the Sith and be grumpy about the Sith and the effectiveness of their propaganda.

And finally, I'm pretty sure at least a tiny bit of the animosity between Mandalorians and Jedi arose from the Mandalorians being jealous that the Jedi had lightsabers and they didn't. To be fair, I'm a little jealous too. Lightsabers are cool.

[other-peoples-coats]

hey you know how basically the whole GFFA is a number of space wizards of varying moralities battlegrounds? and how like, irl, in ex-battlegrounds we find both like, live munitions, but also ones which are still around bc they were DOA?

and how sometimes (weirdly often) the dead/presumed dead bombs(/mines/etc) become kinda... decorative art or at least weird bits of the landscape?

point I'm getting at here is how many people in the GFFA have like, A Weird Stone or whatever that is actually an untriggered or mildly broken Sith Nightmare Machine (etc) sitting in their fucking yard, or the local park is actually 2/3rds of a ritual circle of 'kill everyone on the planet with spikes'.

[moreespressoformydepresso]

Palpatine in the prequels: Menacing, manipulative, powerful, insanely smart, patient as all hell, manipulation master, beat multiple councillors in one go, max efficiency groomer, manipulation for days, long game is best games, master schemer, did I mention manipulative yet?

Palpatine in the original trilogy: “HAHAHAAAAA TASTE MY LIGHTNING SON OF MY ATTACK DOG WHOSE WHOLE MOTIVATION FOR JOINING ME WAS TO SAVE HIS FAMILY, THERE’S NO WAY THIS COULD EVER END BADLY FOR ME!!” Fucking dies

[the-far-bright-center]

To me there is no mystery here, it's clearly the latter. Because only Anakin ever had the power to truly defeat Sidious. However powerful Mace might have been, he wasn't the Chosen One and thus was never going to actually be able to kill him in the duel. It was just a clever trap by Sidious for Anakin. Sidious always feared Anakin, and his years-long plan to turn Anakin to the Dark Side was, imo, primarily motivated by self-preservation. Yeah, he wanted Anakin as a tool he could wield, and as a trophy of his revenge against the Jedi, but ultimately he wanted make sure that in a moment where Anakin had the opportunity to kill him...he wouldn't. And that's exactly what happened.

...at least, until Luke came along. :')

Mysteries from the Prequel Trilogy

Did Mace Windu defeat Darth Sidious, or did Darth Sidious let himself be defeated?

[meanderandwander]

Palpatine makes them go to Christophsis so many times because he wants to get 100% on the level

[everyr0sehas1tsth0rns]

Spotted in Indiana

[the-far-bright-center]

That's a unique interpretation I hadn’t seen before. I agree that Obi-Wan and Padme aren't as close as fandom seems to believe, and there are times that Obi-Wan even demonstrates a callous disregard for Padme's safety and well-being. So I appreciate this take because it emphasises Obi-Wan's betrayal of Padme on Mustafar, which is all too often glossed over. The focus is always on what Anakin does to her in his rage about Obi-Wan (which is indeed most TERRIBLE), but it's important to point out Obi-Wan's actual role in all of that as well.

My own thoughts about what exactly caused Padme's death go back and forth between different theories. I've never fully settled on just one explanation, in large part because Padme's death has always been SO upsetting to me that most of the time I prefer not to think too long and hard on it. Honestly, sometimes I really do believe that she literally did just die of a broken heart. This is a tragic love story, after all. And since she specifically says to Anakin that 'you're breaking my heart', it's understandable that some interpret this as Anakin 'killing' her even if he didn't actually physically do so. But, your idea could also contribute to this, in the sense that Padme was already broken-hearted because she thought Anakin believed she didn't love him anymore and that she'd brought Obi-Wan there to kill him, and then to find out that Obi-Wan had 'killed' him and that she had uknowingly lead him there to do so could indeed have been what caused her to 'lose the will to live'.

That being said, I also vacillate between the 'broken heart' idea and the extremely horrifying theory that Sidious drained Padme of her life-force in order to bring Anakin back to life in the Vader suit. (Though this theory and the one discussed above aren't necessarily mutually exclusive, and there are interpretations that could allow them both to be true simultaneously.) One of the reasons I consider this is the fact that Sidious always wanted Padme dead. He'd already tried to have her assassinated back in AotC, even. I believe he viewed Padme as both his political arch-nemesis as well as his main 'competition' for Anakin. So, I think Sidious always planned for Padme to die. He was NEVER going to actually 'save her life'—that was merely the false promise he used to lure Anakin to the Dark Side. And the other reason I can't help but consider this theory is the fact that Anakin and Padme's hearts both stop together. Then, Anakin is revived in the Vader suit. Again, that parallel could just be symbolic of their status as star-crossed lovers, but the whole thing also has a Frankenstein's creature meets Faustian pact with the Devil vibe to it.

Hot take, but if Padme lived she would have never forgiven Obi-Wan for what he did to Anakin. Padme already disliked the Jedi for being so unfeeling and after she saw Obi-Wan was able to (from Padme's point of view) just flip a switch and go kill Anakin, she would dislike him instantly.

Also this post isn't meant to hate on Obi-Wan, but I've seen a lot of takes about how things would have turned out if Padme lived and I don't think I've ever seen anyone discuss how her relationship with Obi-Wan would have been after Mustafar. So yeah, here it is. It would have been bad. Not in the way that Padme would actively try to harm Obi-Wan, but she would keep herself and her children as far away from him as possible. So you know, Obi-Wan would lose not only Anakin, but Padme and the twins too.

[other-peoples-coats]

struck by the idea where, For Reasons, plan saddest desert hermit doesn't get off the ground and team proto-rebellion have to pivot and pivot fast.

chucking the conspiracy equivalent of a uey at 100mph on the highway, and everyone involved is sleep deprived, stressed as fuck, and experiencing y'know, several levels of Devastating Grief.

the person with the brain cell is bail organa, a man who in canon spends like 20 fucking years playing ding dong ditch with a genocidal psychic space wizard and his boss, an even more genocidal space wizard. This man is not lacking in gumption, one can say. he is possessed of life threatening amounts of chutzpah, one might also say, except that he spends twenty years winning the ding dong ditch match with, again, a genocidal fascist dictatorship which includes two genocidal psychic space wizards who literally know he was in tight with the genocided group of space wizards plus the [mumble] number of other murderous genocidal space wizards, plus the rest of the non-space wizard space fascist cohort.

So. What does a man with a spine of steel, a heart as big as a planet, and more gumption than anyone should possess do, when plan 'split up the kids and hide the most famous man in the galaxy on the saddest hell planet' is a no go?

lie. lie like a fucking rug.

What's palpatine going to do? day one of the empire, his super awesome chosen one space wizard makeover project is still in progress and not yet wheezing his way into the galaxy's nightmares, and bail fucking organa strolls into the imperial senate with:

one (1) baby (female)

one (1) baby (male)

several (~20+) aides and various hangers on, including;

one (1) brown haired blue eyed man who could, if you squinted a bit, probably get third place in a general kenobi lookalike competition, were those now not super duper illegal

Sidious, of course, could be like A JEDI KILL HIM TRAITOR ETC, but, crucially, his wheezing attack dog is still on the lab table getting seven inches added to his height and cup holders installed, or whatever the fuck skeevy sheev added in as extras. Palpatine is an old guy who is still trading on being A Beloved Grandfather who was Reluctant To Take The Throne, and is still easing the galaxy into the whole, y'know, we're a fascist empire now, kneel or perish.

Palpatine, on day one of the empire, can't point at bail fucking organa and be like HABOURING A TRAITOR unless he is really, really sure, like 110% sure, because it's bail fucking organa and every goddamn senator will baulk like a horse at a plastic bag if he accuses, again, the senator of alderaan of high treason on day one of the empire.

A secret rebellion is fine, if not ideal; you can theoretically stamp it out, and, also, it's small, percentage wise.

The entire fucking galaxy thinking that, hey, if the guy in charge is going to go after fucking alderaan, what's to stop him going after us? bigger problem. huge problem. original trilogy kinda touched on that one. Day one of the empire, everyone is still basically on war footing, and fuck man, if alderaan is copping it....maybe this empire isn't great after all. maybe we can make our OWN empire, with a different emperor.

Would palps win? eh maybe. would it destroy all credibility forever and ever amen? yeah. the difference between a 'legally installed emperor' and 'a dictator we must overthrow' is how willing the galaxy is to lick boot, and there's not yet the fear of The Empire black bagging you to keep those tongues going.

so. palpatine can't say shit. palpatine can imply shit, palpatine can get his lackies to say shit. but, crucially, palpatine himself can't say fuck all about the goddamn kenobi lookalike that is now following after organa and wiping his kid's little butts and playing gofer and whatever else.

and what's more believable? bail fucking organa is hiding a traitor, or bail organa and his wife have a situationship with a guy who looks sort of a bit like a former general? the same kind of situationship that like, half the senate has had at one point or another with a guy (or guys) who looked sort of a bit like said ex-general. go to any high level business and/or political building, you'll find half a dozen guys who look vaguely like said hot ex-general, and many of them will have a more or less (often less) accurate coruscanti-ish accent. or will develop one.

(hey, it's a niche. gotta pay the bills somehow, and if you get the job because you dyed your hair and grew a beard, well, you're still using your political science degree, right?)

of course, that only holds for so long, but by that point it's been, y'know, a while. and that looks worse in a different way -- what, kenobi was fucking walking around in front of the whole imperial senate, and none of them noticed? absolutely not, all credibility is gone forever.

which means. that palpatine and the organas are stuck in a full on staring match about this guy who is 100% for sure not kenobi, because -- well. he can't be kenobi. becuase that would look bad. but also. it's kenobi. but also. it can't be kenobi.

(vader takes one look at this guy who looks like his master kenobi and then rolls his eyes, because he has already met aproximately 90,000 people who look vaugely like his master and he got very good at picking out how the newest one was not kenobi his master by the time he was a senior padawan.)

[idk-i-was-bored]

The ahsoka show has reinvigorated my Star Wars obsession. Particularly an obsession over my favourite child Anakin ‘war crimes’ skywalker himself. This drawing is indeed the correct ending of revenge of the sith and all the other movies after that is just one very long, sad and good fanfiction. Let the skywalker/tano/kenobi/fett household be happy

A little bit of backstory for the drawing. This is one that I have drawn twice now. Apparently it’s now an annual thing to redraw it. I picture the extra scars Anakin has here are lightning scars from when he totally defeated skeevy sheev. The council let him stay despite having a family, everyone got therapy and the Jedi order started to fix its issues. The clones were free to do whatever they wanted but a lot of them, 501st and 212th included, decided to stay with their Jedi so now the council just sends them along on Jedi missions and tries to find jobs for them around the place

Ahsoka didn’t rejoin the Jedi order but she helps padme a lot now though she still goes out and helps Anakin or just does her own missions. Here Anakin, obiwan, Rex and Cody have just gotten back from a successful mission and everyone is just having fun at the skywalker’s residence.

as much as I love the sadness that is Star Wars and I could cry/talk for hours about the injustice of anakin’s story, sometimes I need the happy ending.

[phoenixyfriend]

Hi I have another stupid insane plot idea

OKAY SO. Inspiring facts of canon:

We all remember that Dooku is like 20yrs older than Palpatine, yes? (I have been informed that is is not actually common knowledge as I thought. Dooku's born 102bby and Palps is 84bby. Please do not comment only to express shock at the ages.)

We also all know that Dooku is one of the most prolific masters (not counting Yoda) in terms of Number Of Apprentices Taught, which means that he really enjoys teaching/guiding younger people into becoming the best version of themselves (even if that's sometimes the best Sith possible, like Ventress), despite some Notable failures.

Situation: Dooku time-travels to his own twenties or thirties. Could be physical (Knight Dooku meets The Count) or mental (Dooku wakes up with sixty years of memories), but he's There.

Important Factor: Palpatine is YOUNG. Like, a teenager at MOST.

Plot Shape: Dooku has a New Project. He is going to harass this very young politician/actual child into not being a shitheel, and drag his current apprentice (probably Rael) into helping.

If Palps is sixteen or something, he's already in politics, because Naboo. If Palps is like... four, then Dooku might just Pick Him Up as a new Initiate for the Temple.

Bonus points: Skeevy Sheev is also a time-traveler, specifically of the mental variety, and loathes that Dooku is exerting his age like this. It's Undignified! The man is trying to mentor him! SIDIOUS IS MEANT TO BE THE MASTER, NOT THIS JEDI REJECT.

I just need Dooku's "I can fix him" mentoring energy to smack into teenybopper Sheev at full force.

[the-far-bright-center]

Yes, Yoda is saying that he thought he could train Luke to confront Vader before Luke ever found out the truth. Basically, his plans to have Luke fight and defeat Vader were messed up by Vader telling Luke ‘I am your father’. Imo, Yoda’s reaction to this is similar to Palpatine’s incredulous response to Vader in RotJ, when Vader says he has sensed Luke’s presence while Palpatine has not. Both the Jedi and the Sith can’t understand the deep bond and personal attachment between Luke and his father. They think Anakin failed as the Chosen One and that Luke is the only hope (or threat, from Palpy’s perspective). They never realised that the Chosen One prophecy always had to be fulfilled by an act of sacrifice motivated by love. Luke’s own willingness to lay down his life rather than fight his father inspires Anakin to lay down his life in his son’s stead, which fulfills the prophecy. Because only love can ignite the heart of the long-dead star. Only love can save the galaxy.

Hi! I was rewatching RotJ and I'm a bit confused as to what Yoda meant when he said "unexpected, this is" when Luke said that Vader told him he was his father. Did Yoda mean that it was unexpected that Vader realized Luke was his son or unexpected as in he didn't think Vader would even care? What's your take on it? (Luke and Vader's dynamic throughout the three movies is so fascinating, their scenes are my favourite in the trilogy)

It was unexpected that he would be called out on his lies omission. It was unexpected that Luke would have found out the truth. It was unexpected that Luke would care about his father. It was unexpected that Luke would be an independent actor capable of making his own moral decisions instead of just swallowing whatever bullshit Yoda and Obi-Wan spewed. 

[tattycoram]

A Star Wars au where everything is the same but Commander Fox’s face reveal reveals that he is in fact Fox Mulder

Also Skeevy Sheev is dead

😂😂

[thelibrarian1895]

Padme

Moving to a Star Wars kick for a bit, may jump to another interest at some point but for now...

It's probably been mentioned by someone else and in a much more eloquent fashion but Sheev Palpatine aka Super Skeevy Sheevy aka the person you should NOT listen to about basically anything was around Padme Naberrie Amidala for a very large portion of her life. After she managed to divert Skeevy Sheevy's original plan thanks to her willingness to ask for help from the Gungans and treat them as equal people, I wonder if perhaps Skeevy Sheevy started to invite her to outings in a similar fashion to how he invited Anakin. He had already established himself as her political mentor so he would have had a much easier time of this, especially as he was chancellor and someone would have to be senator and Padme, no matter what her people said, couldn't be queen forever. I wonder if perhaps during those meetings that may have happened, there was perhaps some additional...force in his conversations with her.

I say this because when Padme was senator, she made some extremely stupid choices, choices that aren't really in line with her professed ideals and past actions as Queen Amidala. And I wonder if perhaps Skeevy Sheevy managed to whisper enough poison into her ear that it ate away at her sense of duty and her general intelligence for her to make those choices.

Or maybe it was the trauma of the whole Naboo invasion thing and she really should have gone to regular therapy sessions but for some reason decided against that course of action.

Or maybe both.

In either case, Queen Amidala, glorious, true icon, Senator Amidala however? Would not get my vote for chancellor, honestly would not really trust her as my senator. She talks a good talk but sometimes trips when she tries to walk the walk. If she did manage all she achieved while having to deal with Sith mind manipulation though, makes her that much more admirable even if, again, some of her decisions weren't really the wisest.

[vodika-vibes]

Rynn, just thinking about is just ASKING for something bad to happen to you

Rynn is like, "I don't believe in things like bad luck or superstition." Meanwhile her boys are like, "We absolutely do believe in bad luck and jinxes because we've seen it happen, please don't think anything that might jinx us."

@moonwrecked

"This is where Palpatine lived?" Scorch asks as he looks around at the massive mansion, "Like. Alone?" "Yes," The young woman replies, "Sheev Palpatine was a Widow and his child died at the same time as his wife. It was a very tragic event." "How'd they die?" Rynn asks, as she eyes the building placidly. "No one knows, we believe that there was an illness." "Hm. Thank you." "You're very welcome. Would you like a tour?" "That won' t be necessary. Is it alright if Scorch and I just wander around?" Rynn asks. "Oh, yes. Absolutely." The young woman returned to the speeder, and Scorch turns to lead their to the door. "So. Bets on old Skeevy Sheevy killing his wife and kid?" Scorch asks as he pushes the door open. "No bets. Dooku had to kill Master Sifo Dyas for his sith initiation, my bet is that Palpatine had to kill his wife and kid for his initiation." Rynn replies, her nose scrunches up as she steps into the building, "Ugh. I think he killed them here." "Of course he did." Scorch looks around, "Come on, pretty girl. Let's do out investigation and get out of here." "Right behind you."