#sizhen

[i-like-danmei-ig]

Chibis I drew for the juniors g4g!!

[the-monkey-ruler]

Journey to the West: The Demons Strike Back (2017) 西游伏妖篇

Director: Tsui Hark Screenwriter: Stephen Chow / Li Sizhen / Tsu Hark Starring: Wu Yifan / Lin Gengxin / Yao Chen / Lin Yun / Bao Beier / Battle / Yang Yiwei / Dapeng / Wang Likun / Wang Duo / Zhang Mei'e Genre: Comedy / Action / Fantasy / Costume Country/Region of Production: Mainland China / Hong Kong, China Language: Mandarin Chinese Date: 2017-01-28 (Mainland China) Duration: 108 minutes Also known as: Journey to the West: Demon Chapter 2 / Journey to the West: Demon Chapter / 伏妖篇 / 西游降魔篇2 / 西游·降魔篇2 / 西游·降魔2 IMDb: tt5273624 Type: Reimanging

Summary:

The monk Tang Sanzang finds himself as a giant in a city in India. His master congratulates him on reaching India and retrieving the Sutras, and gives him a halo as a reward. The halo, however, malfunctions and Tang awakes from his dream to find himself in an alley in a village of circus performers with his three disciples: Sun Wukong; Zhu Bajie; and Sha Wujing. Tang encourages Sun Wukong to perform for the villagers, but the disciple refuses. Angered by this stubbornness, Tang provokes Sun Wukong by calling him a "bad monkey", which causes Sun Wukong to smash the village and damage the villagers' homes in his temper. The terrified villagers present the group with money and food for their travels, but Sun Wukong continues wreaking havoc, sending Zhu Bajie and Tang flying through the air. That night, Tang whips Sun Wukong for his disobedience.

The next morning, Tang goes to find water for their breakfast congee and comes across a house. Its host, a beautiful woman in a splendid outfit, welcomes them all in for breakfast with her companions. Sun Wukong, however, sees through their disguises as spider demons; he purposely provokes them until she and the others show their true form. During the subsequent battle, the demons come together to form one huge spider. After being poisoned by the spider, Sha Wujing falls ill and slowly bloats into a fish-like creature. Sun Wukong defeats the spider and Tang attempts to exorcise her, but Sun Wukong smashes in the demon's head with one blow. Once more, Tang is annoyed at Sun Wukong's disobedience and whips him again that evening. Later that night, the enraged Sun Wukong discusses with the other disciples his plans to kill Tang, but the others fear Tang's mighty Buddha Palm powers. Tang overhears this conversation and prays to Buddha to help him and also confesses that he actually does not know, or have, Buddha Palm powers. Zhu Bajie overhears this admission and tells Sun Wukong, who challenges Tang to a fight. Just as Sun Wukong is about to strike, a blinding ray of light shines from the heavens and he retreats.

The next day, the group pass into the capital city of the Biqiu Kingdom and a minister comes out to greet them and bring them to see the king: an immature and childlike man who likes to play games. The king orders Tang to perform for him but the monk does not have anything to showcase. Sun Wukong therefore pastes an "obedience sticker" on Tang allowing Tang to copy his actions and perform stunts for the king. Sun Wukong, however, goes too far and makes Tang slap the king continuously, who throws them all out. Tang orders Sun Wukong to return and apologize, but it is revealed that Sun Wukong purposely provoked the king to make him reveal his form as the demon Red Boy. They fight and Sun Wukong defeats Red Boy, also freeing the true king of Biqiu from his cage under the throne. As a reward for helping him, the king presents them with a beautiful girl, Felicity, to accompany them on their travels. As Felicity dances for them, Tang is reminded of his deceased lover, Duan.

The group set off and on the way, Sun Wukong realizes that Felicity is actually a demon. In the meantime, Felicity takes out the nose plugs on Sha Wujing, allowing him to sneeze out the poison and turn him back into his human form. Tang, however, does not believe him, so they set off to visit Felicity's home village. Sun Wukong becomes enraged with Tang's lack of trust in him and that night he destroys the whole village, killing everyone. Tang stops him from killing Felicity, further angering Sun Wukong, who attacks Tang, but Felicity finally confesses that she is actually the demon White Bone Spirit and that the whole village was an illusion conjured by her. Sun Wukong flares up and turns into a giant Monkey King demon and swallows Tang. At that moment, the minister and Red Boy arrive and see Sun Wukong has fallen for their trick.

They had deliberately sent Felicity with the group to cause strife between Tang and Sun Wukong, so Sun Wukong would kill his master. Sun Wukong spits Tang out, however, as they had known this all the while; they only played along so that the minister would reveal her true form. They battle and the minister creates an illusion of Buddhas surrounding Sun Wukong, using them to fight him. The real Buddha, however, uses his giant palm to destroy the false Buddhas and reveals the minister's real identity as the Immortal Golden Vulture.

After the battle, Tang heads back to find a dying Felicity. He has no choice but to free her soul as there is too much demon in her. Before she dies, Felicity asks Tang if he loves her. Tang replies that he has only one person in his heart. The animosity between Tang and Sun Wukong has finally dissolved; together with Sha Wujing and Zhu Bajie, they continue their journey to the West through a desert.

In a post-credits scene, breaking of the fourth wall is invoked with the appearance of a modern movie theater, where theater employees tell both the viewer and the in-story audience that it’s time to leave and there is no post-credits scene

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Journey_to_the_West:_The_Demons_Strike_Back

Link: https://ww5.0123movie.net/movie/journey-to-the-west-the-demons-strike-back-19438.html?play=1

[cappucino-commie]

also beloved communist transgender mutuals. I am looking for bite sized pieces of (trans)feminist theory, and related intersectional theory. I specify bite sized as I am trying to set up a reading/discussion group within the queer group I am in, to make some of the conversations we have less terrible.

So far I am considering:

The blog & excerpts from works of Serano, like basic primers on transmisogyny and de-gendering.

The blog of Talia Bhatt (I have not read all of her work but at least her piece on the Third Sex feels very important to introduce to an overwhelmingly white trans queer group)

Sandy Stone

Susan Stryker

Krenshaw's original paper on intersectionality (I know there are mixed feelings on the rest of her bourgeois feminist career but it's seminal)

(If we get to the point where I feel comfortable introducing more explicitly commie stuff) the Power/Not-Power/Subaltern trinary gender system article written by Sizhen (@/maowives)

I feel like what I'm really missing:

A good body of work on restorative justice in a transfeminist context - something which is not Hot Allostatic Load that discusses disposability politics within queer spaces.

More intersecting critical race theory/transfeminist work.

(Before anyone asks, I cannot suggest reading Lenin. I'll get there someday.)

[jeannie-youre-a-tragedy]

i hope sizhen "maowives" "sizhens" comes back someday because i still can't get "you stink like alive" out of my head that's some she (god) (queering it) type of top tier satire that few on this site can pull off. o7

[valkyries-things]

KONG SIZHEN // MILITARY COMMANDER

“She was a Chinese military commander and princess. At age 11, she was one of the only survivors of an attack by Southern Ming general Li Dingguo, in which the rest of her family was killed. To honour her father, who had died (possibly committing suicide), she was given honours, including being appointed princess. Additionally, as she was her father's only surviving heir, she was given nominal command over her father's remaining troops in Guangxi. Her husband was appointed as military governor of Guangxi. His position as military governor was actually a case of him filling a position that belonged to her. Though he was a military commander, he seemed to not be very skilled, or to have a tendency to overextend his own authority, resulting in several imperial reprimands. Her husband joined the rebellion of Wu Sangui, but Sizhen remained loyal to the crown and became her husband’s successor after he was deposed of by his army. It was confirmed by the Emperor a year later, a very unusual position for a woman in Qing dynasty China. She kept her position until the end of the rebellion.”

[singingintheshower48]

A belated post for Day 2 of Lingyi week! Part 2 coming on Day 6.

———

Title: Can’t Keep Holding My Breath

Pairing/Fandom: Jing Ling and Lan Jingyi, Mo Dao Zu Shi

Rating: T

Summary: Two post-canon snippets about Jin Ling and Lan Jingyi enduring growing pains, enduring a war, and somehow finding their way together.

[saebaragi]

???????? wheres all the zhuizhen content?????? whats wrong with this fandom???????

[rin-tezuka]

Sizhens too. Wow, what a cool post! Please don't ask your wife what she did in 2020!

I lied I'm just gonna block anyone who's also following /sheetz because she aided with a TME's callout of me in 2020 for primarily petty, interpersonal reasons which basically caused me to turn into a bitter, unpopular, and perenially sad person lmao

[ruensroad]

Starstruck

Are people tired of new AU’s yet? XD

It’s a JinYi so you only have @this-solaris-life to blame. P: Featuring Models!Jingyi and Yuan, author/conceptual artist!Jin Ling and illustrator!Zizhen.

(and behind the scenes Xicheng because it’s ME.)

---

It wasn’t the largest convention he’d ever walked into, but the crush of people felt oddly more intense as he followed Yuan’s expert weaving through the main area to the back building, where the Artist Alley had been laid out. Perhaps it was because only a bare medical mask was all that stood between him and what could be a crush of fangirls that he couldn’t seem to catch his breath, perhaps it was because of just who was in that Artist Alley. Probably a bit of both.

All he knew was that if Yuan’s arm wasn’t linked through his, he’d have been lost an hour ago. Typing furiously on their phones - Jingyi to his father, Yuan to his boyfriend - they’d managed to keep their heads down and look normal enough not to be noticed as the models they were, which was a headache Jingyi didn’t need. He just wished his father was a better distraction considering he himself was now the fanboy. Lan Huan, long disappeared into Artist’s Alley to find his own fanboy crush, had only sent him keyboard-smashed sentences the past hour, which was cute since ba-ba only ever wrote out his texts in perfect grammar. It just did nothing for his own herd of butterflies bashing around in his stomach, keyboard-smashing right back in spirit.

If he made it out of this without fainting, he’d consider it a win.

It was thankfully quieter in the artist’s area, with more rows of tables to better thin out the crowds. Jingyi and Yuan still kept their heads down, just in case their masks were not enough, though it didn’t take long before Yuan was quickening his steps, jolting his already struggling breath right out of him again.

Because there it was, Table C71 and C72, with the partition down between them to make a double table. One side for the illustrator of the comics splattered all over the wall behind the two men sitting there, and the other for the author…

The author, who was unfairly attractive with his hair pulled up messily and a pencil behind his ear, grinning at people as they moved up with books to be signed.

“Oh my gods,” Jingyi croaked out and did his best to stop. Yuan slowed, but pulled him along still, stronger than he looked. “I can’t do this.”

“You can and you will,” Yuan laughed, then excitedly waved through a break in the crowd. “Ah, they see us! A-Zhen!”

The illustrator grinned wide behind his glasses and practically leapt over the table to join them amidst a gaggle of giggling girls. Jingyi barely let go of Yuan before his friend was engulfed in a hug.

“You made it!” Ouyang Zizhen said, holding his hand out to Jingyi with Yuan beaming under his arm. “A-Yuan told us so much about you.”

One didn’t become a model without being starstruck often, meeting idols left and right. But these two men, who’s only spotlight was a warm spot in a comic convention, who’s following were loyal Weibo and Twitter users, not rich companies trying to break their pockets - these two men were a whole new brand of awe, because Jingyi had chosen to follow them, to love their work and stalk their social media.

Shaking the hand of an artist who helped fill his world with some normal, exciting joy was breathtaking.

“Only the bad stuff,” Yuan promised as they shook hands, eyes soft and sweet over his mask. He nuzzled under Zizhen’s jaw like a cat and Jingyi had to bite down a laugh to see it. “Speaking of, did you get it?”

Jingyi immediately felt on guard with the near identical grins on their faces, curling their eyes to the same half moons. “I did,” Zizhen promised him with a kiss to his cheek, then quickly returned to his table. A white, hardbound book was soon being pressed into Jingyi’s hands when he hurried back and he felt his entire mouth go dry.

“A-Ling put these together for Kingdoms,” Zizhen told him, which was rather unnecessary at that point. Jingyi had fallen so far down the xianxia novel’s hole he’d recognize the border art anywhere. “Last couple sketch pages are a sneak peak into a new character we’re going to introduce.”

“And!” Yuan piped up, just as excitedly and, truly, they were a match of twin devils. “He’s taking quick sketch commissions on the covers. So get in line!”

He couldn’t even make a token protest, manhandled as he was into it, and found himself staring dumbly at the book in his hands as the line slowly moved. Holding an actual, real art piece of an artist he’d crushed on for months was a religious experience, he was starting to realize. No wonder ba-ba’s texts were all keyboard-smashing. Fuck.

Nearly ten minutes of waiting was not nearly enough to prepare for the moment he was pushed to the table and one Jin Ling looked up at him, a smile on his face that immediately faltered in shock. Jingyi belatedly remembered Jin Ling had followed his social media first, which had started this whole mess, and gave a shaky wave and smile, which he showed with a careful pull down of his mask.

“I’m sure Wen Yuan warned you…” he started, awkward, and wanted to smack himself. What a lame first thing to say to his fanboy crush!

Blushing, he thrust the book at the man, which was hardly an improvement. “Uh… can I request a side character?”

He watched Jin Ling shake himself off and quickly covered his mouth again when the horde of fans behind and around him peeked in on the newest commission. Jin Ling nodded, all business, and pulled free his pencil as he righted the cover to the correct orientation. “Who would you like?”

Gods, his voice was even better than he’d imagined. Smooth and low, almost surprisingly so, and his eyes had a honeyed sheen. Jingyi had to take a moment just to remember to breathe and not vibrate clear through the floor.

“Rulan,” he said, decisive on that. “He only appeared in a few chapters, but I’ve always been curious about him.”

Oddly, that had Jin Ling blushing, but with a nod he put down some drawing guidelines. “He’s a favorite of mine,” was his quiet admission, nearly imperceptible over the excited murmuring surrounding them. “I hope i can do more with him in the future.”

The news had all awkwardness fleeing in a heady rush. Jingyi laughed, startling him, and leaned in to eagerly watch him. “Please do! He’s so biting and funny, but also strong and gallant. My kind of character.”

Jin Ling was handsome, always, but with rosy cheeks he was stunning. Clearing his throat, the artist tucked his pencil back behind his ear and pulled out a Sharpie. Seemingly out of a bare circle and line, the smirking, cocky face of Rulan took shape and quickly. Jingyi watched him in open awe. 

“It’s Jingyi, right?” Jin Ling asked, voice even quieter, and it was only because Jingyi was leaning in so close that he heard it at all. Their eyes met, a mere foot of space between them, and Jingyi felt his own face heat, even as a smile spread wide over his lips.

“It is,” he nodded, feeling like they were running with a joke only they knew, a charming secret shared, and it was only his name. Gods, he had it bad.

Jin Ling smiled at that, bashful, but a hint of that confident grin on his profile picture was starting to take root. Which did nothing for Jingyi’s heart. Shit. 

“Well, Jingyi, thank you for liking Rulan,” he said and lifted the completed book to him, face open and almost sweet. “It was a pleasure to draw him.”

Jingyi took the book and stared down at the quickly sketched in, very beloved face of his favorite character. For Jingyi, from Jin Ling had been set in the corner and he felt his heart start to gallop.

“In my line of work… well, I guess I’ve come to appreciate the people behind the scenes, so to speak,” he said, hoping Jin Ling would understand. “I will always like Rulan, even if you turn him into an asshole. He was the first character I fell for.”

Jin Ling blushed again and Jingyi desperately wished he knew the reason for it. Still, that smile was disarming and deadly and Jingyi couldn’t breathe all over again

“He’s already an asshole, but noted,” he laughed, laughed, and Jingyi was pretty sure he could die right then without a regret in the world. “Thank you, Jingyi. I’m sure I’ll see you later, yeah?”

Later. Oh gods, there was a later!

Jingyi swallowed hard and nodded, knowing his beaming smile showed even through his mask. “Definitely.”

[sweet-potatoq]

mdzs but as tiktoks i watched

[cappucino-commie]

I recall, perhaps years ago(?), there was a discourse because a trans woman on here (I do not recall who) tried to make a point about heterosexuality not being accessible to trans women in the same way it is to cis women... it resulted in a lot of harassment, as you'd expect.

I was reminded by Sizhen's wonderful article because the P-NP-FS model provides a coherent framework to discuss that idea that I felt I was missing at the time — i.e. performing heterosexuality is not necessarily enough to lift a trans woman from Subaltern to Not-Power; but a cis woman performing heterosexuality is typically Not-Power.

You should go read the article. It's interesting.

[eleanorfenyxwrites]

After Each Midnight Begins A New Day

[3zun fixit extra #2 - I have to stress right away that this has spoilers for upcoming plot points, as in you’ll be able to kind of know where I’m planning to go with at least one aspect of the story. If you want to avoid spoiling the main story for yourself, read part 9 before you read this extra.]

[Masterpost]

[Extra #1]

Nie Huaisang sweeps into Cloud Recesses with little fanfare.

He’s brought a few junior disciples with him who need to get used to traveling as well as two experienced, more seasoned cultivators as a sort of ‘guard’, but other than that he travels lightly. Times are peaceful, after all. He and his two guards can handle anything that might accost them on the way, and they have nothing to be wary of in Cloud Recesses proper.

They’re greeted at the gates by Wei Wuxian, looking cheerful as ever.

“Nie-xiong!” he cries, flinging his arms wide with a grin and Nie Huaisang is quick to snap his fan open to hide his pleased smile. The disciples he’s brought along haven’t yet had a chance to meet anyone who would treat him so flippantly - not that many exist - and he can feel their scandalized glares at Wei Wuxian over his shoulders.

“You can’t greet Sect leaders like that, Wei-gongzi,” Nie Sizhen sighs from her spot just behind his left shoulder, long-suffering as ever, and Wei Wuxian throws his head back to laugh, thoroughly undaunted by her looming presence despite the fact that she’s fully capable of snapping him in half without breaking a sweat.

“I can when your Sect leader is my childhood friend, don’t be so stuffy! Come in, come in! I’ve asked for the best guest rooms to be prepared for you. How was the trip?”

Nie Huaisang steps forward into Wei Wuxian’s one-armed embrace, the other Nie cultivators falling into step behind them as Nie Sizhen begins outlining the few interesting details of their trip. Nothing terribly alarming - reports of a yao, a few hauntings, a water ghoul that they were able to quickly dispatch of on their way; nothing that the Nie couldn’t handle - and Wei Wuxian nods along as he listens.

The conversation lasts them long enough that by the time the report is over and Wei Wuxian’s few questions for more details have been answered, they’re in position to disperse into their separate guest quarters and relax from the trip for the afternoon.

“Oh no no, not you Nie-xiong. You’re coming with me,” Wei Wuxian says easily enough when Nie Huaisang begins to pull away but there’s a glint in his eye hinting at something further below the surface.

“Aiyo Wei-xiong,” he whines - his first words since setting foot in Cloud Recesses. He would never admit to the cause being a desire to escape Wei Wuxian’s immediate attention, but, well...it wasn’t not that reason either. “I’m tired, can’t it wait until after I’ve had a nice nap?”

“Nope! Come on, come on,” Wei Wuxian teases, ushering him down the hall with ease. “I’ve got wine, you know, and some of those osthmanthus cakes you like.”

“Bribery,” Nie Huaisang replies in open approval with another smile behind his fan. “Alright fine, but you don’t get to eat any of the cakes.”

“We’ll see about that!” Wei Wuxian’s laugh rings through Cloud Recesses as they take the quickest path to the Jingshi, the one that cuts straight through the pavilions of classrooms full of students. None of the adults walking serenely through their home even flinch at the sudden disruption of the quiet atmosphere. Wei Wuxian babbles about nothing much at all as they walk through his home, his chatter loud and familiar.

Anyone who didn’t know him well would miss the edge of tension underneath it without missing a beat.

They reach the Jingshi but Wei Wuxian only stops to pick up a basket from the porch before gesturing for him to follow again to lead him to a path - the entrance of which is tucked away at the side of the house - that stretches back into the forest behind it. He eyes it a bit warily and distracts the eye away from studying his face too closely with an artful snap of his fan to shut it and gesture in the direction of the path.

“Does this go all the way to the back hill?” he asks, not really caring about the answer, just aiming to stall. What’s alarming is that a couple of days ago he had received a letter from Wei Wuxian entirely out of the blue. A letter full of thinly veiled threats, to his surprise, and now the author of said threatening letter is taking him into the woods while Nie Huaisang’s own cultivators are all the way back in the guest pavilion resting. Not that he can’t defend himself, of course, but Wei Wuxian is of a completely different caliber than...well, anybody but the Twin Jades. He feels it’s perfectly valid to feel a bit alarmed.

“Nah, just a little ways into the forest where we keep the rabbit hutches. A-Xiao is in bed with a bit of a fever going through the student dormitories and Lan Zhan and Madam Lan are tending to him, I don’t want to disturb his rest. Picnic?”

Nie Huaisang taps his fan once on his palm and then takes a confident step forward to fall into step next to his friend. The silence as they walk is all the more stark for Wei Wuxian’s talkativeness on the way to the Jingshi.

“This is supposed to be the part where you tell me why I’m here,” Nie Huaisang observes once they’re stepping into the little clearing teeming with soft white, black, and spotted rabbits. Wei Wuxian’s sharp look at him has him twitching his fan open again to wave it lazily under his own chin to add to his air of innocent nonchalance.

“I wanted to see you, do I need another reason?” Wei Wuxian asks with convincing sincerity.

“Your letter made it seem more urgent than an excuse to see my pretty face,” he teases with another flutter of the fan.

“How dare you accuse me of having ulterior motives, Nie-xiong.” Wei Wuxian’s pout as he steps further into the clearing to plop down with the basket and start pulling things out is almost believable. Nie Huaisang watches him out of the corner of his eye as he ostensibly looks around at the rabbits going about their little lives, hopping around and snuggling together, a few of them munching on grass.

“Come on, sit down. I know you’re tired,” Wei Wuxian calls once he has everything laid out and Nie Huaisang obliges with a quiet sigh behind his fan. At least they’ll be getting this out of the way soon, whatever it is.

“Do you really expect me to believe that you didn’t have a specific reason for wanting to see me, Wei-xiong?” He reaches his free hand out to pluck a cake off the dish and he hides the bite he takes behind his fan, eyes dark and wide as he watches Wei Wuxian over the edge of the silk. “You forget I know you so well.”

“So direct! Where’s the famed delicate touch of Nie-Zongzhu? Is this what you teach all your spies to do? For shame, Nie-xiong, if this is the best you can do it’s a wonder any of your cultivators can actually be at all sneaky.”

“Aiyo! Why shouldn’t I be direct? You know I don’t hide anything from you, Wei-xiong.”

“Don’t you?”

Even the rabbits go momentarily still as tension suddenly blankets the clearing. Nie Huaisang stops the gentle fluttering of his fan and his gaze goes equally sharp as the two childhood friends study each other across the hodge-podge picnic spread between them.

Wei Wuxian breaks it first, shaking out his shoulders a bit before lounging back in the grass to rest on one elbow, a jar of wine in his other hand.

“Er-ge’s not feeling well,” he says idly as if commenting on the weather, the seeming non-sequitur making Nie Huaisang frown ever so slightly.

“Did something happen? Da-ge and san-ge haven’t said anything.” Not that they’re his only sources of information on what’s going on in Cloud Recesses, of course, but they’re his most reliable sources for the relationship between the two of them and Lan Xichen.

“We’re keeping it pretty quiet. But this is where I think you can help.”

“Me? Lan Sect has the best healers out of all of us, and you’ve got Wen Qing near enough to send to for help as well. Why me?”

“He’s being treated by the healers too, don’t worry about that. You don’t even have to see him if you don’t want to, but I’ve got some questions for you. Actually -” Wei Wuxian’s gaze becomes, if possible, even sharper, “I’ll tell the story, and if it makes you recall something you can tell me.”

Nie Huaisang freezes. It’s been a long time since anyone has been able to make him feel like prey, and he certainly doesn’t appreciate the feeling now. But - what he considers one of his greatest virtues is to know when to accept defeat gracefully.

“Oh...I don’t know.” Despite the words and the way he’s ‘shyly’ ducking behind his fan, his tone is sly and he watches triumph flare, bright and hot, across his friend’s face. “I really don’t know.”

“I knew it,” Wei Wuxian breathes and then he laughs, loud and genuine with his head thrown back until his laughter echoes off the bamboo around them like the peals of a bell. It’s...a far cry from the reaction he had expected based on the tone of Wei Wuxian’s letter and his behavior leading up to this point, but he also knows his friend uncommonly well and he knows that there’s truly nothing else to be done in such a situation. So after a moment he joins in, laughing quietly as he collapses the fan to set it on his lap and then leans forward to snag another cake. He breaks a piece off just to have something else to do with his hands.

“Alright, you’ve finally caught me. Be open with me now Wei-xiong,” Nie Huaisang hedges when Wei Wuxian has calmed again and is back to watching him like a hawk. “What’s wrong with er-ge? Why are you so sure I can help?”

“He’s like us.”

Nie Huaisang snorts and makes a joke like he would have in their youth before the reality of that statement sinks in.

“Yeah that’s not news, we all like a good dicking down, what - oh! When did that happen? He certainly hasn’t been like us before now, I would have noticed while he was courting da-ge and san-ge. They’ve all three been blissfully unaware so far.”

“A couple of days before I wrote to you. I sent for you when he started feeling unwell. We can talk about it in a moment though, it’s not an emergency and he’s being very well attended. I want to know when you got here. You were a child when Lan Zhan and I got here, I met you. Even a skilled liar like you can’t pretend to be a four year old that convincingly.”

That draws him up short and he blinks for a long moment as he does the math.

“You came back when you were five? That must have been miserable. Dealing with puberty twice was enough for me, I didn’t need to relive my entire childhood.”

“So when exactly did you come back?”

“The summer we all studied here. I woke up in the middle of the night and I was just..here. 15 years old again, in the guest dormitories.”

“We had already been studying for a while? It was around this time of year?”

“Yes, we were well into our classes. You said er-ge began feeling unwell after a couple of days?” he suddenly asks - it’s been a while since he had ruminated on how his life had suddenly changed one night, or the weeks that had followed, but as he thinks on it it comes back all at once in a burst of clarity.

“Yes. Why?”

“Is he seeing things? Nightmares?”

“Okay, this is going to keep us going in circles. Why don’t you tell me the story and I’ll compare it to what I already know.”

It’s a fair enough request so Nie Huaisang nods and finishes off the little cake in his hands as he gathers his thoughts.

“Before, in our first life - your second life, I guess -, I came to Cloud Recesses to talk to Hanguang-Jun. I wanted...I wanted his advice on Sect business, and I wanted to see if I could see er-ge. I just wanted to talk to him, Wei-xiong, I swear. I knew he was still in seclusion and..not that I think I could have helped, but I figured if he’d been in seclusion for so long then I probably couldn’t hurt him any more than I already had, you know? And maybe I could have helped, I don’t know. Anyway - I was in Caiyi Town, I was going to come up the mountain the next day for my visit, but when I woke up in the middle of the night that night I was already here. It was so strange, but not as strange as waking again in the morning and watching you and Lan Zhan go walking by hand-in-hand as teenagers. I thought I was going mad - you were both so young but he wasn’t keeping you at a distance like when we were actually young, he was already letting you hang all over him. I watched you for half a day and it was like seeing you married as teenagers and I figured you had done...well I didn’t know what exactly, but clearly you had done something.”

“Why didn’t you say anything? This whole time and you’ve known Lan Zhan and I have been..as we are.”

Nie Huaisang picks up his fan again to flick it open to start fanning himself, leaning forward to rest his elbow on his knee as he watches Wei Wuxian.

“It’s not my business,” he replies and he has the pleasure of watching Wei Wuxian’s lips twist in the way that means he’s secretly annoyed but determined not to show it. “I wanted to watch and see what was going on, and after a few months it was clear you had it all well in hand. Though I do appreciate you letting me decide how to handle da-ge and my sect. That was thoughtful of you.”

Wei Wuxian snorts, shakes his head, and chugs a few more mouthfuls of wine.

“It was just supposed to be me and Lan Zhan. This is getting out of hand,” he mutters to himself and Nie Huaisang wonders - as he’s sure Wei Wuxian is wondering as well - if he and Lan Xichen have come along on this...whatever this is, how many others are there out there that they don’t know about yet? “Well go on then, keep going. Tell me what happened that means you know what er-ge is experiencing.”

“It started a few days in,” he says softly, his fan going still as he looks over Wei Wuxian’s shoulder towards the forest. “Nightmares from our old life. I kept dreaming of the night da-ge died. Everything I had to do to take Jin Guangyao down. The world turning on you. Watching A-Cheng become angry and bitter as he withdrew from everyone but Jin Ling. They were so vivid...they weren’t just idle dreams, Wei-xiong. They were memories, and I started having them while I was awake as well. Visions, I suppose. I looked at er-ge one morning at breakfast and he was fine one moment, a happy teenager..and then the next moment he had san-ge’s blood all over him and he was looking at me in horror, like at the temple. He was normal again a moment later and he wasn’t even looking at me but I couldn’t stop it, everything just kept flickering like that. This life, the old one, then back.”

“When did it stop?”

“I really don’t know. Genuinely!” he protests when Wei Wuxian gives him a skeptical look. “I don’t! It was slow, and gradual. I started getting flashes of memories of this life instead, things I had never seen before but they were vivid like the others. And then one day I realized I hadn’t had a vision of any kind in months, and then years, and then I realized when I needed to I could recall anything from this life, and anything from the other as well. It’s like I’ve lived twice, even from before I was 15, though both childhoods are still sort of..murky, I suppose. Equally so, though. I remember da-ge having to take over raising me, and take over the sect, all of that. But this time er-ge came to visit us a lot and he and da-ge would sit close together and flirt, and that didn’t happen last time. I remember both.”

Wei Wuxian takes a deep breath in and another long pull on his wine. “What a mess,” he mutters with a sigh once he’s finished, swiping his sleeve across his mouth.

“Wei-xiong?”

“Mhm?”

“Thank you.” Wei Wuxian looks up at him and Nie Huaisang drops his fan, his pretenses, his walls. He lets Wei Wuxian see the relief in his eyes, and the affection that he has for him as well, this dear friend of his that he’s lost and found again far too many times even for two lifetimes.

“Ah?”

“You gave me da-ge back. A chance to do it again. It might be a mess, but it’s the good kind, and we’ll get it figured it out. We’ve already cleaned up one much larger mess rather thoroughly together, haven’t we? We’ll clean this one up too, if it goes beyond me and er-ge. As it is, I’ve already long settled into it, and I did it without letting on to anybody. Er-ge will be alright.”

“He’s just..he’s been so lost.”

“And I wasn’t?” Nie Huaisang allows a bit of irritation to snap in the back of his voice and that makes Wei Wuxian pause, the jar of wine pressed against his lips for another sip he hasn’t taken yet. “Not all of us had the luxury of disappearing from the world after we all helped Jin Guangyao tear it down around our ears. Some of us were just as lost and alone we had to pick up and carry on anyway. Without revenge, without a target, knowing I’d been neglecting my people for years for a scheme, you think I wasn’t lost when it was all over? My...My brothers, Wei-xiong. I lost all three of my brothers, years apart in a slow torture that I forced myself to have a hand in. You never truly trusted me again. A-Cheng wouldn’t come near me. You think I wasn’t lost?”

“Okay thank gods, that’s better than being thanked,” Wei Wuxian chuckles around the mouth of the jar as he takes another sip. “I know you were lost, Nie-xiong. We all were to varying degrees, that’s why Lan Zhan and I did this in the first place. But you have to understand, we never expected anyone else to be part of it. The fact that you’re here, and Zewu-Jun…”

“Give him some credit. He’s stronger than he seems, and he has plenty of support. It’ll be better when he starts remembering this life, too, don’t forget. Things will settle.”

“Aiyah. Since when do you offer such good reassurance, Nie-xiong? You should visit more.” Wei Wuxian grumbles and Nie Huaisang has to laugh at that, snapping his fan up to cover his face as his eyes perhaps water quite a bit more than the situation outwardly calls for as relief floods through him. He composes himself quickly and lowers the fan again to stop hiding, though he keeps it open just in case.

“You should come see me, Wei-xiong. I do actually run a Sect this time you know, even if da-ge and san-ge help me. You can take some time off from terrorizing the Lans to come terrorize my disciples instead.”

“Hm...I think I’d like that,” Wei Wuxian muses with a bemused sort of smile as he looks up at the clouds scudding their way across the patch of sky visible amongst the bamboo. “The little ducklings you brought with you today looked as scandalized as Lans when I called you Nie-xiong. If they’re all that easy to tease I’ll have lots of fun with them.”

“It’s because they’re terrified of me,” Nie Huaisang says flippantly as he leans forward to take another cake and nibble on it as daintily as he can manage. “And even A-Cheng doesn’t call me anything so familiar in public, you know.”

“Well that’s just because he’s a coward who cares about propriety,” Wei Wuxian replies with a grin. “Not my fault your own husband can’t bear to call you anything but ‘Zhugong’ where others can hear. You’re my Nie-xiong, you always have been, and I’ll address you as such.”

Nie Huaisang has the urge to hide his pleased smile behind his hand, but instead he forces himself to let it show and in doing so earns himself a wink and a toast from Wei Wuxian in response.

[doctorcanon]

Ouyang Zizhen Tries to Save His Friends (and succeeds).

Random fic idea. Might do something with it, might not. This is actually mostly canon save for The Juniors being about 21 here. Due to some Demonic fuckery, Jin Ling, Ouyang Zizhen, Lan Jingyi and Lan Sizhui are all lost in the Gongzhi (not a real place) Mountains. Everyone is injured, starving and Lan Sizhui is in particularly bad shape forcing Ouyang, the most mobile to go find help in the rumored Siyi Temple (10 Points for anyone who gets that reference) to find Gong Er, a woman called The Reckless Abbess. Slight Blood warning.

The Ouyang Sect tried to stifle the rumors surrounding the Gongzhi Mountains for decades. Shrouded in fog and choked by thin air, it’s deep valleys hide a dark and cherished secret. It is said that centuries ago, the courtesan of a cruel emperor chose death over freedom, broke out of her wedding palanquin and started running. Braving arrows, dogs, and soldiers, she ran until her feet bled. When she reached the outside of the city, mortally wounded, she didn’t stop. Running into the mountains, through rivers and climbing into trees. They say you can still see her trail of blood weaving through the woods and splattered on the trees. As Ouyang Zizhen climbs his way through the valley, he knows that story is not entirely true. 

The overgrown road is lightly packed with red clay. The leaves of trees lining it are all red, particularly uncommon in a mountain range known for its evergreens. The road is long, winding and marked with red hand prints on the trees. If you don’t pay attention, you’ll be hopelessly lost. Wounded and ruined with worry, Zizhen presses on, pain gnawing at his side. He shouldn’t have laughed at Lan Sizhui when he offered to bring herbs for minor injuries. It was supposed to be a routine trip, kids don’t need salve for every cut and scrape they get. Now he’s covered in bruises and bleeding through makeshift bandages. If he doesn’t keep going Lan Sizhen will die and the others have no way of getting back home unless someone finds them somewhere in that random shack with nothing but two canteens of water between them. Even as he stumbles face first into the dirt, he presses on fueled by desperation. 

If the Lan Sect is about temperance, and the Jin Sect about decorum then the Ouyang Sect is all about resilience. He will prevail. Even against his own weakness. Sorrow is only something to be defeated. Exhaustion will be conquered. The fog gets thicker but the red handprints on the trees beckon him closer and closer. Until suddenly the trees stop. Instead of the massive wooden gate he’s heard so much about, he’s greeted with a wall. High and wide. No way to climb over, peppered with red hand prints. 

There’s supposed to be a temple here! The Siyi Temple should be here! Confusion, dismay and rage tears at his wounds. All of it mixes into inky despair that wrenches a cry from his broken chest.

“No!” His voice breaks against the trees sending birds flying. “No, no no!” He pounds the stone with his fists. This is defeat. Jin Ling believed in him for nothing. His friends - his brothers beyond blood - are all going to die. There has to be someone here. This can’t have all been for nothing! “Someone!” His ragged voice echoes with no response. “Someone, anyone please help! My friends…! There’re all…!” He can’t breathe. The thin air never bothered him before but that fall from earlier must’ve shifted one of his broken ribs. “Please…!” He can’t shout anymore and his shaking legs finally give out. He rests his head against the stone wall, gasping for air. He clutches his chest. He has to get up! He has to keep going! Weakness is only something to be conquered. With one last shout, he forces himself back to his feet. 

The world tilts. Suddenly he’s staring up at the red leaves above him. The shift and sway in the cold winds. The rustling sounds like Jingyi’s wheezy laughter. He won’t hear it again. He has no strength left, he can’t even roll over. Tears could his vision as a shadow passes over him. He mutters a prayer for his friend’s soon departed souls and darkness consumes him.

For a moment, all he knows is darkness and the feeling of floating. There’s no pain or failure. There’s nothing but the void. He supposes this is what he deserves; failures don’t deserve rewards in the afterlife. Only those who’ve achieved great things achieve enlightenment. What has he accomplished other than breaking Ouyang Zheng’s drinking record? When he’s reincarnated, he will dedicate his life to finding his old friends - whatever form they take - and begging their forgiveness. He lets the darkness consume him pulling him deeper and deeper. 

Then he wakes up.

[nonsensical-nautical-deeds]

MDZS/The Untamed Ship Names! (next generation)

Long post warning! this post contains every possible 2 person (non-incest) combination between Lan Sizhui, Lan Jingyi, Jin Ling, Ouyang Zizhen and Mo Xuanyu!

note: i am hesitantly including zhuiyi because theyre not listed as related on the wikia and are only referred to as close friends (where as jin ling and mo xuanyu are referred to as nephew and uncle)

Lan Sizhui/Lan Jingyi

combo: zhuiyi

initials: LSZLJY

(blank)shipping: delinquentshipping

phrase: imperfectly perfect

Lan Sizhui/Jin Ling

combo: zhuiling

initials: LSZJL

(blank)shipping: endlingshipping (OwO dont fight me on this)

phrase: burning gardens (could also work for a zhuiling kismesiship but im not going into that)

Lan Sizhui/Ouyang Zizhen

combo: sizhen

initials: LSZOYZZ

(blank)shipping: observantshipping

phrase: prodigal romance

Lan Sizhui/Mo Xuanyu

combo: zhuixhuan

initials: LSZMXY

(blank)shipping: removedshipping

phrase: lost endings

Lan Jingyi/Jin Ling

combo: jinyi

initials: LJYJL

(blank)shipping: temperedshipping

phrase: sun showers

Lan Jingyi/Ouyang Zizhen

combo: zhenyi

initials: LJYOYZZ

(blank)shipping: middleshipping

phrase: poetic screaming

Lan Jingyi/Mo Xuanyu

combo: xuanyi

initials: LJYMXY

(blank)shipping: droppedshipping

phrase: fevered rambling

Jin Ling/Ouyang Zizhen

combo: zhenling

initials: JLOYZZ

(blank)shipping: defianceshipping

phrase: sparked roses

Ouyang Zizhen/Mo Xuanyu

combo: xuanzhen

initials:OYZZMXY

(blank)shipping: rougeshipping

phrase: romantic rituals

[nyd-needs-cuddles]

Wait ‘til Jin Ling comes. He’s a Sect Leader now. And he has way too many money. Also, he may not like his demonic-cultivator-not-dead-uncle, but he’s his demonic-cultivator-not-dead-uncle.

He also spoils his fellow juniors, because I said so.

Ouyang wants that poetry book and brush set? He gets three of them.

Sizhui is craving that cute bunny sweets? He gets five boxes.

That damn Jingyi wanting to eat some chicken and sneak in some wine? Lo and behold, Jin Ling shows exactly why he’s related to Wei Wuxian.

I just—I need more spending money to passive-aggressively show that you care. Ft. Tsunderes

I think Jiang Cheng is actually similar to Lan Wangji in that he also shows affection through giving gifts, though for mostly different reasons. 

Like, Jiang Cheng’s demonstrably bad at expressing his feelings with words, and I also think that the most positive aspect of his own personhood, for him, is his status and power and wealth. That role he’s inherited, and the security that comes with it, are the cushioning for the festering pit of self-loathing inside him. And so his outward behaviour towards other who matter to him often manifests as spending money on them. 

This manifests in a particular way with Wei Wuxian post-canon, because Jiang Cheng hasn’t lost his competitive impulse towards him and subconsciously feels his money and position give him something of an edge over this person he’s always been compared unfavourably to. Also he’s just in major “WE CAN’T LET WEI WUXIAN KNOW WE LIKE HIM” mode and so he defaults to passive-aggressively dragging him off to the tailor shop saying “you’re too scruffy, you’ll embarrass me dressed like this” and then commissioning five expensive sets of robes for him. 

[kegareki]

dameamaryllis replied to your post “every time i work a bit on my ‘verse based on chinese BL system...”

Oh, I really like what I've seen of this so far! Would you tell us more about your protagonist and his relationships with these characters? (And am I reading the hints right, that the "light" has some sentience and/or is influencing human thought?)

:D i am always up for talking about my stuff

answers under the cut!

to answer your second question first: yes to both!

in the setting of the story, the vast majority of humans follow the church of the ever-living light. there are some pockets of surviving, older religions, but the church of the ever-living light is pretty much omnipresent.

it’s been in existence for... less than a thousand years, i’d say? with it rising to prominence during a large-scale war. its main tenets haven’t changed much in the years since.

the ‘ever-living light’ is something of a god and something of a transcendence: it’s not exactly a person, but it’s personified. saints of the ever-living light are mortals that have been ‘chosen’ and ‘blessed’ by the ever-living light to carry out its will as listed by the church; they’re generally exceptional and used to increase the church’s influence and advance the church/ever-living light’s agendas.

the ever-living light ‘grants’ holy/light magic to its believers. saints and popes are the most powerful, magically. this magic is exhaustible, however: what the ever-living light gives, it can also take away.

(several saints have died throughout the years because their magic depleted fully at a crucial moment. their deaths, although tragic, were used to reenergise the population and reaffirm their course.)

inspiration about this comes from ‘western fantasy’ settings in system novels--it’s unrealistic to me that an entire species would fall under the umbrella of one religion (i mean... look at Real Humans, lmao). one of the specific ones is the light god arc in “quickly wear the face of the devil”. there’s another specific one, but i. unfortunately do not remember it. r.i.p

the truth of the ever-living light is that, rather than being innately divine like you’d expect a god to be, it lifted itself up to the position of a god and is using faith as fuel to keep itself ‘godly’ in the eyes of mortals. the holy/light magic ‘gifted’ to its followers are portions of its own power, loaned out for as long as the person in question will follow its will, and as a result there’s a sort of ‘link’ between the ever-living light and the mortal that allows for greater influence in the person’s thoughts.

it passes itself off as a kind, compassionate being, but it’s more true that it’s greedy and vicious. it’s enacting a centuries-long campaign to rid the world of demons because it harbors resentment for the species; it doesn’t directly yank back its power from its followers when it realises that they’re straying and instead waits for the most opportune moment.

it wants humanity in good shape basically just to be a robust population to throw at the demons. and, like, honestly? being followed because people love you feels a lot better than being followed because people fear you. love and faith can be turned into swords against your enemies, but if you use fear instead, those swords will be turned on you as soon as they can manage it.

the upper echelons of the church are more or less partners-in-crime with the ever-living light. they’re not a PR tactic/expendable tool like saints are; they’re PR and the hands that wield the tool.

... and, in the ‘original story’, sheng qinghe is absolutely oblivious to all of this!

two of his followers/group members--his childhood friend, sen sizhen, and the scholarly male friend that he makes later on, mo yunxing--are not. i think mo yunxing’s family tends to be church members, and sen sizhen has a unique perspective of “being close with the person cultivated to be a saint while not being valuable herself except as leverage,” so they both end up sort of intuitively grasping that there is danger in sheng qinghe’s position and that it’s imperative that he serve the church of the ever-living light well.

when sheng qinghe questions what they’re doing, they divert his attention so that he stops thinking about it. when he’s staring in silence at the bodies of the demons he’s just felled, they take his arm and lead him away. when sheng qinghe wonders if the violence they’re doing is justified, they’re quick to remind him of all of the atrocities that demons have done.

i had intended sen sizhen to act as sort of a love interest for sheng qinghe, since Girl Childhood Friend is popular for that, but she’s ended up in a sort of older sister role to him, wanting to protect him from things that he doesn’t yet understand--that, under her watch, hopefully he will never understand. she cares about him a lot, but there’s a slowly widening gap between them because she feels like she has to shield him from ‘the cruel reality of the world’. neither she nor mo yunxing think that he is capable of facing that reality.

OH i don’t know if it could be inferred or not, but: sheng qinghe, in his role of a saint, is being used to spearhead “a final war” against demons. that’s why he ends up fighting against the demon king--it’s the “final step” in defeating the demons.

in the ‘original story’, he succeeds. with their backing gone, the rest of the demons soon follow their king to the grave. sheng qinghe is touted as the hero of humanity.

in the fic i’m writing, the main character transmigrates to stop this.

so, for the relationships question:

the main character transmigrates into zhu yixian, a fox spirit who is more or less one of the demon king’s most prominent lackeys. in the original setting, xi youtian had rescued zhu yixian from fur traders when he was a kit and raised him up in the absence of his parents, and in return zhu yixian devoted his life to serving him.

that’s more or less true here, too, but. mc zhu yixian is an entirely different person, so of course things change.

see, the thing about the mc is: they love sheng qinghe, and they think of him as their idiot son, so of course they want to get personally involved in his upbringing so that they can stop him from... (gestures to sheng qinghe forcing down his conscience, again and again, and culminating in literal genocide) that

so here, we have a demon who has more or less been adopted into the demon king’s family ............ more or less adopting in turn a saint of the ever-living light

zhu yixian is, of course, not being upfront with their identity--revealing that they’re a demon would NOT end well at this stage--but they’re kind to sheng qinghe, and they help him out in some situations, and scold him and tell him to think, and sheng qinghe really does end up viewing them as something like an older brother/uncle who’s looking out for him

unlike sen sizhen and mo yunxing, who try to protect sheng qinghe by shielding him from the things that they think/know will hurt him, zhu yixian instead wants to make sheng qinghe think. they don’t want to give sheng qinghe the option of just. closing his eyes and ears to the world. they want him to be better than he would be otherwise

... but, of course, you can’t make anyone do anything. you can only give them the tools with which to make their choice and hope that they make the choice that’s right for them

uhhh, other relationship stuff that i don’t know how to sort:

it’s not uncommon for demons to mix in with humans--they do share the same planet, after all, and even the same continent--so it’s not really strange for zhu yixian to traipse around in human territory. it is a little strange for zhu yixian to cultivate a relationship with a human

xi youtian doesn’t probe about it, though. he doesn’t interfere in his followers’/friends’ personal lives much.

he thinks it’s funny that zhu yixian talks about sheng qinghe like they’re his long-suffering parent, though

xi youtian has three other prominent lackeys; they’re pretty much close as family. one of them is the Mom Friend, who’s warm and likes taking care of people; there’s the Enabler Friend, who is always so down with whatever idea someone has; and there’s the Snark Friend, who has a bad mouth but a good temper. although xi youtian is their king, they’re privileged enough to speak to him as equals

zhu yixian is younger than all of them. although they’re a young adult by the time they meet sheng qinghe, they’re still viewed as the baby of the family

zhu yixian gets indulged A Lot. they can get away with all sorts of things and even be looked at affectionately while they’re being a brat or acting spoiled. on one hand, they’re like “guys! you need to discipline children more!” and on the other hand, they’re like “this is great, actually”

zhu yixian’s original life may not have been the greatest, so like. second childhood with people who love them and will also give them all the hugs they want? talk about relationship security

fox spirits can transform into human form when they reach adolescence. i have a scene written about zhu yixian’s first transformation; they come careening out of the room in one of xi youtian’s childhood robes and happily babbles at xi youtian about how they have hands! and can finally see over the table when sitting!!! and xi youtian laughs a little like “those are what you’re most excited about?” and zhu yixian replies very seriously “i have things to say, and most people don’t listen to tiny foxes who have to stand to see over the table.”

later, Snark Friend is like “huh. i was expecting you to be taller.” and zhu yixian is like “I’M STILL GROWING”

the atmosphere at home is really warm, haha. they all care about each other a lot, and you can feel it

(which is another reason on the ever-increasing list for why things CANNOT go as they did in canon. it’s not just that sheng qinghe’s canon behaviour was wildly out of character as they understood him to be--it’s that they want to preserve the lives of these people.)

zhu yixian thinks sheng qinghe’s friends Are Not That Smart. sheng qinghe doesn’t have to worry about school entrance exams or anything like that, but they’re still a little concerned that stupidity is contagious

sheng qinghe is easily influenced, after all, if canon is anything to go by

sheng qinghe doesn’t really understand what zhu yixian is talking about until his jock friend realises zhu yixian’s identity as not only a demon but one of the hands of the demon king and yells it in the middle of a restaurant and all of sheng qinghe’s friends follow suit in immediately becoming hostile and assuming that he’s been tricking them and zhu yixian, aggrieved, is like “WHAT are you talking about? when did i lie? when did i try to hurt sheng qinghe???” and sheng qinghe is like ... (thinks back over years of interactions) (zhu yixian literally gave their real name) (zhu yixian has helped sheng qinghe and co on more than one occasion, at no benefit to themselves) (My Friends. Might Be Stupid After All.jpg)

that is... all for now, i think

thank you so much for being interested in my stuff <3 <3 <3