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dementrd · 7 months ago

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he recalls a time in which albus dumbledore had been nothing less than the greatest headmaster which hogwarts had ever seen — a time in which he had admired that man with such a deep respect unexpected of a boy like him . he had been a messy little scribble of a thing , so furious at the world around him despite the lavishness of wealth thrust upon him , the having of anything he might want besides the unconditional and expected love of his parents . now that he has grown up , sirius sees that he'd had every reason to be as angry as he had been , and that he was foolish to believe dumbledore to be a man without faults of his own . still , how dare he keep harry from him as though he cannot possibly keep him safe ? how dare he thrust his godson into the danger he had only a year before ?

that moment he had stood next to harry's bed in the infirmary , he had known better than to trust albus dumbledore with his godson's life . not that he has any say — as far as the rest of the world is aware , sirius black is hidden away somewhere warm , tanning under a distant sun whilst he throws his head back , laughs at the murders of his closest friends and all those he took with them . look at what the world believes him capable of . is he not just another mad black to the sorry lot of them ? sometimes he looks in the mirror and he sees all that the world expects him to be .

“ i know — it sounds as though i care more about harry than i do the rest of the world and what his return means for it . but i suppose it's the truth . i care about nothing else than keeping that boy safe , happy , feeling like he at least has a chance at something resembling a normal life . ” the admission is spoken blankly into the grey , stifling air of this horrible place . since when did he feel he could speak to severus snape , let alone share with him the terrible things he thinks ? perhaps he is so devastatingly lonely , or perhaps he has simply grown up and discovered that there is a person behind that emotionless shell he had once seen as entirely feelingless , as hateful .

when their eyes meet , he finds that he does not feel the sheer and visceral hatred he had once offered to severus . in fact , he just feels exhausted by all that the following years had taken from him . he was a wretched person , but hasn't he given enough ? hasn't james been ripped from him , taking some of his soul with him into the ground ? he thinks often of him , of his bones turned to dust under the earth , of it taking back from him . sirius is still that snarling thing , he would fight the very dirt james lies in to take him back ; to lie down beside him and let the world claim him , too . hasn't his punishment been long enough ? perhaps not — not when he considers the fact that severus could have been mauled to death because of him , and remus could be chained up somewhere on his behalf . no , he has done so much bad . he looks at his hands now , the inked skin so dangerous looking and all he feels is weak . did he ever have it in him to survive azkaban ?

“ they are not insufferable , severus . they're teenagers . ” he laughs again , his head tilting back for he can never contain his humour , nor those rare moments of sheer laughter . he has always felt the need to be larger than life , or perhaps it is simply that this is who he is . “ even you were a child once . i'm certain it didn't last long , though . ” he arches a brow , and it feels strange to tease him as he might have done james or remus , even peter when he had been his friend . like a little brother he had wanted so desperately to protect until he took the very life out of him . can he see it now ? can severus see that he is better than who he had once been ? “ i don't trust me . good of him to do so on my behalf . i recall my friends being picked off one by one back then . he doesn't know what's coming for him , does he ? ”

when he thinks of james , he feels he might sink further into the despair . so he busies himself as severus cleans those dishes , stretching out his tired limbs . he had once held so much grace , trained in all of the dancing an aristocratic family should be , elegant and beautiful — now his bones crack and pop , his eyes crinkle when he smiles and grey hair peppers his temples thanks to the years spent in hell , dementors ripping everything they could from him and feeding so hideously on him .

his eyes trail towards severus as he speaks again , a surprised bark of a laugh when he actually injects some humour into his words . perhaps he had misjudged him all those years ago , or maybe the two of them had simply grown up , and lost too much in the process to hold any more hatred . “ you're welcome to it . the old cow could do with some lessons in manners . ” he spits out the words , quickly shaking himself free of the hatred he feels for his mother . “ you're a good teacher , even if he does absolutely despise you . which , he does . he'll learn from you . ”

Sirius' words had Severus thinking back to the events of the tournament and all the conversations that led up to the moment Harry's name spilled from that cup. Severus was fairly certain no one had planned for it to happen, for Albus had been pretty adamant about supporting the underaged rule. It was almost a fool proof way to guarantee Harry wouldn't feel the need to represent Hogwarts in any manner. The tournament was dangerous and Severus had a feeling once the students all got back to the common room the first night, Granger wasted no time giving them the gruesome details of fallen students from years past. If anyone could have talked Potter and Weasley out of participating, it was certainly Ms. Granger.

But then the UNEXPECTED happened, although truth be told, Severus had predicted things were not going to go as planned. Maybe he didn't predict Potter would be competing, but had Severus been headmaster of Hogwarts instead of Albus, Igor Karkaroff NEVER would have been allowed into the school. There were other wizarding schools out there. As long as a former death eater was in charge of one, Severus never would have allowed it and that likely made him a hypocrite given his own history as a death eater. Still…

Severus remained quiet for a spell trying to choose his words carefully. Potter's name was spit from the cup and it left all of the adults in the castle on high alert. Minerva had been downright irate while the other headmasters were pretty angry as well.

"Albus you're a cheat!"

"You cannot have zeez two champions!"

And on and on it went with Alastor making matters worse with all of his goading of Igor. Meanwhile, Albus had been calm the whole time, carefully gauging Potter's answer when he inquired about the cup. Severus recalled leering at Potter that night, but it was moreso to save face. He too thought it highly unlikely Potter possessed the skills to bewitch the old cup and from the start he had suspected Igor. They all pondered what to do about it despite Barty insisting Potter compete. In the end though, he and Albus agreed that in order to figure out what was really going on, Potter had to compete. They had NO OTHER LEADS other than someone was after Potter and they were likely to reveal themselves by the tournament's end.

But how was he to explain this to Sirius without him losing his mind? Potter could have died that night yet he and Albus allowed the boy to compete. It was just one of many things Severus felt horrible about. Had Potter not been in that maze, maybe Voldemort would have delayed his return.

Severus' eyes downcast, for he had no answer. There were so many 'what ifs' that it was enough to drive anyone mad if they pondered them too much. All he could do was look past that night and focus on the future. If he and all of the rest of the order did their job well, Tom would fall on his ass once more and hopefully for good this time.

Severus could feel Sirius' eyes trained on him and it prompted him to look up. This was, perhaps, one of the first times they've ever made eye contact without Severus feeling a wave of anxiety washing over him. At one time, it was always the wait for the inevitable curse to hit him from behind. Or insulting words that left him hiding within secret rooms until it was safe to creep back into his dorm. Those eyes were full of malice and mischief back then but right now? Severus sensed only longing and determination from Sirius. It was still jarring to say the least.

"I think… one of the reasons Potter carries on is because he has a lot more to live for." He paused. "You keep him going --- you and those insufferable friends of his. I have seen you in his memories; the promise of a family reconnecting and thriving. He trusts you to stay alive while he will continue doing what he must to get back to his only family."

In other words, he didn't think Black needed to worry too much, and he certainly didn't need him thinking he should start leaving the house and keeping tabs on Potter. It wasn't safe for either of them but more importantly, Harry would likely fall into despair if he lost yet another thread of hope.

He chose to keep that to himself however, as he was no parent. He could not definitively say one way or the other about Potter even though most of his inferences had been right so far. Still, he had no intention of intruding too much within the subject of parenting. Severus looked at all the Hogwarts professors as 'co-parents' to Mr. Potter, but he knew it wasn't the same when Harry had a godfather more than capable of being 'dad' to him.

Severus had a feeling Black's words about death were alluding to James or Remus except… well, James had actually died leaving his second in command behind. Severus heard all sorts of stories about the night Lily and James died and just like Black whose anger boiled to the surface with every thought of it, Severus let his own fester inside. They were both angry; both full of regret that they hadn't gotten there in time. Severus chose to swallow the lump in his throat but even now those feelings were as intense as ever.

He ignored Black, choosing to continue washing the dishes. The water flowing over slender fingers as he rinsed and washed dishes offered their own form of comforting distraction from the intense feelings he felt just a moment ago. Having his back to Black allowed for him to save face. Because if the man could only see within those deep, dark eyes, he'd see a lot more than the usual impassive, colorless look. He'd see something that hinted more at emotion pooling behind thick lashes. But of course he blinked it all away though the fatigue in his posture was a lot more telling than he could know in the moment.

He cut eyes to Black briefly as he reached for another cup. After a moment, he finally spoke up in an attempt to inject some humor into the moment. Being alone with Black and having such an intense conversation had opened the door to an odd tension he was about ready to escape. And so in his usual, caustic tone, he offered a derisive snort as he spoke quietly in case someone was lurking at this hour.

"I'd likely have better luck teaching your mother's portrait than Potter. He's absolutely dreadful, but if it will put your mind at ease, I will continue trying… at least until we both grow weary of each other. I'm certain he would respond a lot better if the expert at mind prisons was someone other than me."

#severus snape *#fantastic-wizards #𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝚂𝙸𝙿 𝚆𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙳𝙴𝚅𝙸𝙻'𝚂 𝙳𝚁𝙸𝙽𝙺𝙸𝙽𝙶 * threads #suicidal ideation tw #grief tw

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robinismywife · 3 years ago

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Closure (Post-war!Remus Lupin)

Summary: Remus gets an interesting letter from Dumbledore.

WARNINGS: Angst? mentions of death, trauma, self-doubt? mentions of vomit, cigarettes and alcohol consumption...

A/N: this is inspired by Taylor Swift's Closure from evermore! Hope you like it <;33

(the gif is not mine!)

It's been a long time

And seeing the shape of your name

Still spells out pain

It wasn't right

the way it all went down

Looks like you know that now

Remus couldn't believe it when he got the letter from Dumbledore. So many things were written down in a single piece of parchment but the only thing that caught Remus' eye was that name. That six letter word that made him wince everytime it came up in a conversation. It had been years since he said that name and he wasn't planning to mention it anytime soon. Everytime he tried Remus could swear that his chest would start burning and his hands would start shaking.

The way they ended wasn't at all what he had expected. Actually, he never expected for their love to end, ever, but it did. Besides, after that night in 1981 Remus wholeheartedly believed that anything and everything was possible. People can change, they can betray you and they can die in just one night. That's what happened to him anyway. What they all went through was unfair, at just twenty-one they had to deal with grief, a whole-lot of stress, and anger. Remus always was a bad tempered person, but the deep rooted anger that found it's home in the depths of his soul was unimaginable.

Yes I got your letter

Yes I'm doing better

It cut deep to know ya, right to the bone

Yes I got your letter

Yes I'm doing better

I know that it's over, I don't need your closure

Remus re-read Dumbledore's letter a million times. Over and over until he was convinced that this wasn't his imagination. That Sirius Black, the supposed muggle killer and fanatic deatheater, was out and about. He couldn't believe it. How did he even manage it?

Dumbledore wanted Remus to take up the position of Defence Against The Dark Arts profesor at Hogwarts. Remus kind of chuckled at that. Remus, the werewolf, that was in his mid-thirties and had no teaching experience. There where so many things wrong with Dumbledore's offer. Remus decided to answer the letter anyways. He wanted to make sure that Dumbledore knew that he had received the letter and that he was doing better than the last time they had seen each other. It had to be at least a decade ago.

Remus hasn't seen Dumbledore since the Order of the phoenix held it's last meeting. He didn't mind not seeing his old face. He was too angry at him. Dumbledore ruined his life, he was sure of it. It was his fault they were thrown into that terrible war at just eighteen years old. Yes, they all wanted to fight for what they thought was right, but they never thought that most of them would be laying down their lives for the cause. Dumbledore allowed it though, and not only that, he encouraged it. Remus was going to be sick, he couldn't even think about it without feeling his blood start to boil. It certainly cut deep to know him, right to the bone.

Now Dumbledore wanted closure. He wrote he was sorry for everything Remus went through and he hoped to see him soon. Well, that was easy enough for the old fool to do- He could now check it off his list. Remus knew that the war was over and no one else was going to die any longer but that didn't make his pain less- And, if he was being brutally honest, Remus didn't want Dumbledore to feel closure. He hoped Dumbledore could feel eternal guilt for everything that he caused.

Don't treat me like

Some situation that needs to be handled

I'm fine with my spite

And my tears, and my beers and my candles

I can feel you smoothing me over

Halfway through writing his response, Remus felt a wave of embarassment washing over him. Dumbledore was pitying him. The headmaster of Hogwarts knew that Remus was unemployed, and would be for a long time because of his lycanthropy. That's why he offered him the job. Dumbledore didn't do this because he believed that Remus was capable of teaching or even protecting Harry from Sirius. He did this because he felt bad for him. God, Remus felt like he was going to vomit.

Was he just some situation that needed to be handled? Did Dumbledore just feel obliged to help Remus after the events of the war? Did he feel that he needed to do this as an apology? Because, if that was the case, Remus did not want Dumbledore's apology. He was absolutely fine in his small flat, where his tears, beer cans and candles kept him all the company he needed. Actually he always hated candles. How everyone just loved them. How Sirius used to love them. "They're romantic, Moony" he would say dancing around their kitchen. Remus hated candles, though they were quite helpfull when it came to lighting his cigarettes. He didn't want to use magic sometimes. It reminded him of his long gone friends and the life he could have had with them.

Oh no, there it was again, the waterfall. Remus should stop crying so much. Nice, now the ink is getting smeared around the parchment. Maybe, he should try again tomorrow. The letter has already been sitting on the kitchen table for a week now, it could wait one more day, couldn't it?

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bethansfandoms · 3 years ago

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/post/647279129847283712/okay-so-anonymous-on-instagram-asked-me-how-do : your take on why sirius sent snape to the willow hasn't left me since you published it, so good! i know the prank has been written about time and time again, but i'd just love to see your take on the aftermath of the prank - how mad remus is, how and when and why he finds it in him to forgive sirius... your writing is incredible and i would be grateful forever if you wrote this! 🐺⭐🙏

You don't have to have read part one of this for the post to make sense <3

Sirius panicked the moment he landed on the floor of the Potter's living room.

He hadn't been thinking, he had been so scared, so in pain, that in the moment he had grabbed the floo powder and requested to be taken to James', he had temporarily forgotten that James didn't want to see him. He had been so desperate to escape from his house that he hadn't taken the time to just think.

Sirius hadn't spent Christmas at home in a long time. Usually, the marauders would stay at Hogwarts or he would go to James'. For the Christmas of his fifth year, however, he had announced that he was going home. The brief conversation in which he had informed them of this had been the most he'd spoken to them in months.

Sirius knew he wasn't welcome to spend Christmas with the marauders, not after what he'd done, not after he'd told Snape how to get past the whomping willow.

To Sirius, it didn't matter the circumstances, it didn't matter that Snape knew legilimency, that he'd been provoked, none of it mattered because the first thing Remus had told him was that he didn't want to hear excuses, and so Sirius had decided not to go against his wishes, not then and not ever again.

He'd kept his distance, it had been killing him, but he'd stayed away. The only time the four of them were together was late at night when Sirius, his head hung, would enter the dormitory, quickly walk over to his bed, and draw the curtains.

James had shouted at him more than Remus had and Sirius stood there and took it, he'd never seen James so angry, not at anybody, and so, even in the delirious state he was in, he knew he'd messed up coming to his house.

"Sirius?" Sirius took a moment before his eyes were able to focus on the doorway. James was stood in his pyjamas, only for a brief moment, before he was running to Sirius' side. "Mum! Dad! Fuck, Sirius, what happened?"

"Parents. I’m sorry," Sirius croaked.

He only caught a brief glimpse of James' parents entering the room before consciousness escaped him.

He awoke still on the floor, James and Euphemia knelt at his side. "Fleamont has locked the floo network," Euphemia said softly, "he's writing to Dumbledore now, you're safe."

James squeezed his arm, "You're staying with us. You're not going back to your parents, Padfoot." Sirius almost cried at the nickname, he'd missed it so much.

He was, however, confused. Had James forgotten to be angry at him? He didn't get much time to dwell on it, he felt his eyes closing and blackness claimed him again.

This time, he awoke in a bed, the one in the room he usually stayed him. James was there still, fiddling with his glasses. "Feel like passing out again?" he asked, smiling weakly.

Sirius tried to smile in return, "No, I think I'm alright for now.”

James nodded, "Look, Sirius, mum said... she said it looked like someone had performed the—"

"I don't want to talk about it," he whispered. James nodded in response and dropped the subject. "I'm sorry I came here," Sirius said, voice breaking, "I didn't know where else to go."

"Why are you sorry?"

"Because... because of what happened in September, because I told Snape about the whomping willow. You're angry at me."

James ran his hands through his hair and sighed, "I know I said I wouldn't forgive you until Remus did, and I meant it. But I— Sirius, I told you going home was a good idea. If I'd just let you come here, been the bigger fucking person..."

"I would have gone home anyway, no matter what you said."

"Yeah," James scoffed, "you're a stubborn git like that. Look, I was about to write to Peter and Remus so they—"

"No!" Sirius had tried to sit up too suddenly and his back gave a painful twinge, "no, you can't tell Remus. He'll feel bad and forgive me and I can't have him do that until he's ready. You can't write to him."

"Alright," James said, "try and get some sleep then, okay mate?"

Sirius nodded, "Promise not to write to Remus?"

"Promise."

Sirius slowly blinked awake to daylight streaming through the curtains. He tentatively sat up, stretching as much as the pain in his bones allowed him to. Then, he almost jumped half to death.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you." Remus was smiling at him from his chair in the corner, and Sirius had missed his smile so much.

"What are you doing here? It was the full moon last night!"

"Yeah, yeah, it was," Remus sounded almost surprised that Sirius had remembered, like he would ever forget. "James wrote. I got the letter early this morning, used the floo network to get straight here. I probably look like shit.”

"I told him not to write," Sirius mumbled.

"I know, he told me. Sirius, what you did, it was... but I never wanted you to think I was so irreversibly angry that I wouldn't be here for you after something like this."

Sirius nodded sadly, biting his lip in an attempt to stop any tears. "Remus, I know you hate me for what I did, but I... I hate myself for it more than you ever could."

Remus sighed, sadly, "I don't hate you, Sirius. I think maybe I want to, but I don’t, I never could.”

"Snape knows legilimency," Sirius blurted. "I know you didn't want excuses, this isn't one, I just... I tried to block him, my mother had used it on me before, I was blocking him but he kept trying to use me to confirm you were a werewolf and I got so angry and I told him. I know it doesn't justify—"

He stopped speaking as Remus got up and walked across the room, sitting in bed next to him. "Why didn't you tell me that?"

"Doesn't change anything. I still told him."

Remus kicked off his shoes and pulled back the duvet, lying down and sighing. Sirius slowly mirrored his position. "I forgive you, you know."

Sirius thought he might cry. "You don't have to, just because my parents... it doesn't mean you have to feel bad for me or whatever."

"I was always going to forgive you, Sirius. I hated to admit it to myself because I was so fucking angry at you, but I knew I was always going to forgive you. So why not now?"

Sirius shuffled closer and hugged him, then. They would hug s like this sometimes after one of them had had a nightmare. Sirius had never been big fan of physical affection, not in the same way James was, but he hugged Remus tight, only relaxing when he felt Remus hug him back.

James pushed the door open slowly, he couldn't hear Remus and Sirius talking, he’d left them alone for a good hour. Briefly, he wondered if maybe they'd killed one another and that was why there was complete silence from within the room.

Instead of any casualties, he found Sirius and Remus asleep, the duvet over them but not enough to hide the way their limbs were tangled together.

He sighed to himself. He'd found them this way before, some mornings in the dormitory, the two of them sleeping soundly in bed together for reasons he didn't quite know.

"Knew I was right to send Remus an owl," he muttered to himself, closing the door and letting them sleep.

#wolfstar #remus lupin #sirius black #wolfstar fanfic #wolfstar fanfiction #marauders #remus lupin x sirius black #sirius black x remus lupin #wolfstar blog #James potter #wolfstar headcannon #mwpp #marauders era #oneshot

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mrsseverussnape · 4 years ago

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Love Is You - chapter 8

A/n: This is one of the heaviest chapters i have written for this fanfic so it took couple of days to edit all over again.

Tw: suicidal thoughts

Scarlett went to Remus's room for dinner as she promised him last night. They were close friends since their Hogwarts years and the friendship continued since back then. At one point or two when all 3 of them were drunk, it might have gotten a little bit further than a friendship but none of them talks about that.

"Welcome Scar, i was waiting for you." He smiled and hugged her.

"Sorry i am late. I went to London today, needed to do some stuff. They took more time than i expectedt."

"It's totally fine. Take a seat and tell me about your day." Remus served some food for themselves and sat down.

"First i went to the ministry, needed to talk to the minister. Because yesterday the new deputy minister came here to meet me and it was very awkward. Then i went to my house to check the stuff i need there, i will be moving there around Christmas. And lastly i stopped by at my parents’ house. What about you?"

"Nothing new, just lessons. Why was the meeting awkward?"

"Everything was off with him. The way he talks, the way he looks at me..." she grimaced her face. "Also he is not from the ministry, i never heard of him before but weirdly he looks familiar. Dorian said he came from France."

"What did he do to you?" Remus asked in concern.

She sighed. "He said: " you are pretty, what a shame that you have been cheated on..."

"Stupid arsehole. That's very rude and none of his business." He rubbed Scarlett's arm softly. “I can beat him up for you.” Remus joked to change the mood.

"He is not worth to spend your energy, fucker...Anyway, I couldn't ask Carina but... How is he, Sirius...?"

Remus sighed softly. "You know him, he is miserable without you... He has been drinking and smoking for Merlin knows how long…"

"Take care of him Remus, please... I have Carina with me but he is all alone…" her eyes filled with tears when she thought about him. Even though she was still angry with him; Scarlett has missed Sirius so much, all she wanted to do was be with him in their home.

"I will, promise." He held her hand reassuringly.

"I… i need to go Remus, i am sorry but i..." She stuttered while standing up from the chair.

"Scarlett where to? What’s going on?" Remus was confused at her sudden reaction.

"I need to see him." And she apparated the next second before he could say anything or stop her.

Remus stood there awkwardly after her apparation; he wasn't sure what to do but then he decided not to go after her. He knew Scarlett had a soft spot for Sirius and nothing would stop her from seeing him when she wanted.

Scarlett found herself in front of their family house's door. She was controlled by her heart right now and her brain wasn't willing to correspond with her at all. She was aware that she would regret this decision the very next day but she couldn't stop herself and knocked on the door. He didn’t answer immediately so she knocked harder this time. Maybe she should have taken this as a sign. But then she heard footsteps getting closer to the door and there he was.

"Scarlett...!?" Sirius couldn't believe his eyes. He hasn't drank that much tonight to see an illusion. "Am i having a dream?"

"I guess not..."

"Come in, it is cold outside and you are just wearing a dress."

Scarlett walked in and looked around. She was expecting a mess but clearly Remus and Carina did a good job here. She did pet the dogs for awhile since they have missed their mummy a lot. Then they headed to the living room and sat down on the sofa in silence for couple of minutes until Sirius broke it down.

"My love..."

Sirius held her hand which she was scratching, it was ice cold. He took it to his lips and kissed it then put it on his cheek, leaned into it. She rubbed his cheek with her thumb softly and looked at him. He was her happiest memories and the worst memory at the same time. Scarlett was still loving him, how couldn't she? It wasn’t easy to erase him from her life, he has always been there. But also she was really upset with him, he broke her heart so bad that it's impossible to heal. Her heart and her brain were fighting to take the control. She was at an in-between stage, but her heart won the fight when she decided to hug Sirius. When he hugged her back, she broke down the tears that she was holding. It was so overwhelming for both. He couldn't hold back his tears either and the ex-couple cried together.

"I missed you Sirius... I missed us..."

"Me too baby. It is pointless to live without you by my side."

She looked at him with a serious look on her face. "Promise me you won't do anything to yourself! You did it once and this time i can't recover from it..."

"Promise, anything for you..." he kissed her hair and inhaled her rose scent. He would do anything to stay in this moment.

"I wish we had one more kiss..." Scarlett mumbled and leaned into him slowly. Sirius was impatient and kissed her red lips longingly. The kiss felt intoxicating.

"Scar, i love you baby... You are my one and only." he pulled her body closer to his, he wanted to feel her all over him. Scarlett was playing with his curls that she loved so much while kissing him back passionately. Their emotions took over everything and they were both lost in the kiss until they heard a knock on the door. She pulled away immediately as it was a waking up call for her.

"Were you waiting someone?"

He shook his head. "No. Maybe Carina came to look for you?"

"She doesn't know i am here, i was with Remus. Maybe him?"

"Then forget about it, i don't wanna leave your embrace." Sirius kissed her again but the knocking continued and the dogs kept barking at it. Scarlett sighed and got up to answer the door. When she opened the door, there wasn't Remus but Arabelle.

"Ah Miss Rose? I wasn't expecting to see you here. Is Sirius he-. Ah here he is!" An evil grin appeared on her lips.

Sirius has heard her high-pitched voice and came to see what’s going on. "What are you doing here!? I said i don't wanna see you ever again! Leave now!"

"I've just came here to check on you and maybe relax you little bit, you know how." She winked at him and continued. "But i see you are busy with your fragile rose, unfortunately, I wonder when she will wilt... If you need me just write and I will be on your service, byeee!" And she disappeared into the darkness of the night knowing very well that she caused a scene.

Scarlett was standing by the door like a sad ghost, her face was full of disappointment and sorrow.

"Scarlett love, i had no idea. I have never seen her after i fired her, i swear..." he tried to hold her but she took a step back away from him.

"I shouldn't have come here, i made a fool of myself..." tears were running down on her checks.

Sirius fell on his knees in front of her. "Believe me Scarlett, i swear on my life i have nothing to do with her! She is playing a game with us, i don't know what exactly! But believe me baby please...I love you and only you."

"I wish i could believe you..." She apparated and left him there all alone crying.

Scarlett was so frustrated and overwhelmed after what happened. She didn't want to go inside the castle while she was in this mood because Carina would question her, so she decided to go for a walk on the wooden bridge of Hogwarts. She has never liked it though, she was scared of heights and also bridges but tonight she wasn't feeling any fear or the freezing cold of the November night. All the moments she had with Arabelle and the things she said to her were running through her mind nonstop; especially “when the fragile rose will wilt”. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice what she was doing until she saw the cliff underneath her. Now she was standing the other side of the safety fences, she had no idea how she has managed to do it. But even in that moment she didn't feel any fear. It felt like she was a puppet and controlled by someone else. She looked up at the sky, it was so dark that stars were shining perfectly but the one caught her eye the most: Sirius.

"Whenever we are not together, just look up the sky and i will be there for you Scarlett. I will never leave you all alone and I will be your light."

She looked down at the cliff once again. What if she took one more step? Would everything be fine? She removed one foot from the edge to the air, her skirt was dancing with the wind like it was calling her.

"SCARLETT! NO!"

The terrified voice echoed in the night and then running sounds followed it. It was none other than Severus Snape. He was picking some flowers that only blooms in the night for his potions then he noticed the red hair up in the bridge under the moon light. He has never felt that much scared in his whole life.

His voice has brought Scarlett back to reality, it felt like the dream-like curtain was removed from her eyes and now she was aware of what’s she doing and she was scared truly. She was losing the feeling of her hands cause of the cold and she wasn't sure how long she could hold onto the fences and her shaking body wasn’t a help at all. But luckily Severus wasn’t so far away and he has rushed to her in an inhuman pace.

"I will help you, just hold onto me and i will pick you up. Scarlett listen to me." He was out of breath and adrenaline was running through his body.

"I cannot… İ am scared..." She whispered silently.

"You need to trust me. Turn your body to me slowly, I am holding you. And I will pick you up when you do it. I am here, nothing will happen to you."

She slowly did what he said and then wrapped her arms around his neck while he was picking her up and carrying her back to the other side of the fences carefully. Her whole body was shaking, and she collapsed on the ground with him.

"You are fine, you are fine Scarlett."

Severus was trying to calm her down but he was not any different than her. His heart was pacing so fast like it was going to rip his chest out. But he wrapped his head around the situation as quickly as possible and took his coat off to wrap it around her then he picked her up to carry inside. Scarlett was in a total shock and couldn't find herself to say or do anything. She just closed her eyes while snuggling into him.

Severus carried Scarlett to his room and sat her down on the bed. Scarlett sat there with empty eyes, she couldn’t wrap her head around the situation at all yet. Severus stood in front of her for a while, he felt like she might vanish if he looks away. When he was sure everything is fine then he decided to light up the fireplace to warm up the cold room.

"Could you let Remus know that i am here?" Scarlett mumbled, she was just starting to feel herself again and finally spoke.

He nodded while brewing some hot tea for her. "You stay here, drink your tea and i will be right back." Severus wasn’t happy about leaving her alone but he wanted to do what she asked for.

Couple of minutes later he was back with Remus. Their bickering was heard before they showed up.

"Scarlett! What happened? Are you okay?" Remus run towards her worriedly. He couldn’t believe his ears when Severus told about the incident. 1 hour ago she was looking fine and he had no idea what happened with Sirius and she became that bad.

She shook her head as no. "Make up a lie for Carina please, i don't want her to see me like that..."

"Okay whatever you want but stay with me tonight. Come."

"I can take care of her better, Lupin." Severus stood between two of them stopping Remus from holding her.

"Don't try to take an advantage of the situation Severus."

"Remus don't, please..." Scarlett was begging, she couldn’t take an argument between them right now.

Remus sighed and rubbed her back. "I will write Carina that we are going to London and stay there tonight. She would believe it since i don't have any classes tomorrow. Okay?"

"Thank you, Remus."

"Let me know if you need anything anytime." He glanced at Severus one more time before left.

After Remus left the room, Severus sat down next to her on the bed.

"Did you warm up a bit?"

She nodded slowly. "If you weren't there tonight...I w-"

"Don't say it." Severus wouldn't be able to forget that night till the day he dies. Once again, he realized how much he loves her and can't lose her.

"I am stupid, so stupid!" Scarlett talked to herself. When she thought about the night, she couldn't believe herself. She was really about to jump from the cliff.

"Don't wrong yourself, you are not a stupid woman."

"I went to see Sirius tonight then Arabelle showed up and i found myself edge of the cliff. If those things weren't stupid, then what?" She cried helplessly. "I don't know what am i doing or feeling... I am so lost."

"You need some time to heal, everything will be fine."

"Promise...?"

"I promise. If i am wrong, i will let you dye my hair pink."

A tiny smile formed on her lips. "You must be pretty sure then."

"I am." He smiled. "I will give you a potion, it will help you to relax."

"Okay. My whole body is aching..."

"Here, drink this." Severus did accio a potion bottle and handed it to Scarlett.

She did drink the colourless potion he gave but she grimaced her face because it tasted very bitter.

"Want some water?"

She shook her head and stared at the fire for a while blankly. "I was about to kill myself... for real..." Scarlett whispered.

"Scarlett look at me."

Her watery green eyes met with his black ones. Her eyes were like a forest that he got lost in them for a while then remembered to talk. "You are going through a hard time but you are a strong woman Scarlett, I know that. You just need to gain your power back then everything will be fine again. You will make a fresh start. And you are not alone in this. Your kids, parents, friends are here to help you anytime. You need to accept the situation and keep going for better."

She wiped her tears away with her shaky hands. He always found a way to comfort her and made her believe that everything's going to be alright.

"Thank you Sev." She looked into his eyes deeply. "Thank you for everything."

He smiled softly and patted her hand. "You should rest now. You sleep here in the bed and i will sleep on the chair."

"We can share the bed, i don't want you to sleep on the chair because of me. It is not like we never slept in the same bed before..."

Severus’s cheeks tinted with red a little bit. "If you are fine with that, okay..."

Scarlett nodded while taking her shoes off. Severus got his pyjamas and went to the bathroom to change his clothes in the meantime. When he was back, Scarlett was already in the bed with her eyes closed. He smiled at his view before turned the lights off.

"Good night..." she mumbled sleepily.

"Good night Scarlett."

He laid down and looked at her small body that laying next to him. After the end of their relationship, he didn't have anyone in his bed. And tonight there she was again, after 30 years. The bed was never warm enough without her. His eyes closed slowly while he was thinking about the past.

Taglist:

@snapefiction @lizlil @elizabeth-baelish @misselsbells06 @mais-e @lunnybunny12 @anfre109 @entirelymesmerising @wolvesofwinter13 @mrssnivellussnape @mestin-writes

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potentialbreakupscng · 3 months ago

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"i'll bring whomever into this that i'd like to bring into this." much like her partner, lily has no problem standing up for the people she loves. between the four of the marauders, she had always been closest to remus. the two of them consistently found themselves away from their far more rambunctious friends and would be buried in a book. of course she's seen the effect this has also had on remus, someone who's being there for both him and sirius -- she's not sure that he's even had his own time to grieve the loss of someone who meant so much to everyone. "the only reason he hasn't said anything or pushed anything is because of how much he loves you -- and i'm so tired of walking on eggshells around you."

her eyebrows shoot up, her hands falling to rest on her her hips. "you don't? you don't want this? you certainly act like you want this." the reason why she's so angry and so heated is because she's worried. she's so worried about him that she can't control it. lily's thumb runs over the ring that still resides on her left finger -- practically hearing james's voice in her ear and feeling his hand on her shoulder to try and get her to calm down. so passionate and so worried. green eyes snap up to his and she shakes her head. "you have things to live for too, sirius. you have remus -- you get to go home to someone every night. you have harry -- me." because despite his self-destructive behaviour, despite it all lily potter still loves him. it's why she's so angry. her small hands clench into fists, and she looks at him -- shaking her head. "because we love you, sirius. because we trust you. we -- i trust you. because there was no one else better for the job than you." because she knows, deep down, that sirius would do anything to protect harry.

she can't help but wonder if it had been her that hadn't survived, if this would be a conversation they'd be having. if any of them would be so torn up by her being gone -- but especially sirius. if he would have lost himself in such a way -- and then she immediately regrets thinking any of it. the guilt of being the one that survived eating away at her. her child's name is all over the papers, the boy who lived -- the one who defeated voldemort before he was even two years old. someone has to take care of harry -- and even if that's her only purpose in life now, she has to accept it. that's her son. she doesn't get to slip through the cracks that so desperately try to pull her down -- even when she barely has the energy to fight it. that imaginary grip on her shoulder seems to tighten -- knowing if he was here he'd be lecturing her about asking for help, about how it was okay to need help, and she'd laugh and tell him that he needed to take his own advice.

it always seemed like james knew something was going to happen. once they went into hiding, james began working more in his office. she had to pry him from his desk to get him to sleep -- and it wasn't until his passing that she knew what he was working on. so many documents he put in her name, and then harry's in case something were to happen to both of them. the potter fortune in both of their names, a fund set aside specifically for harry. everything had been prepared -- the brilliant man had genuinely thought of everything. he'd never been afraid to die, she knew that -- but she knew what he was afraid of; his family not being okay of something were to happen. and it did. and they weren't okay.

lily only lifts her head when sirius approaches her, feeling his hands take her own and her emerald eyes turn glossy as tears pool in them. "sirius -- padfoot please," her voice is barely above a whisper, one of her hands turning to grip onto his while her left hand moves to cradle his cheek in her palm. the silver of her wedding band glistens in the light, the jewel in the center missing since halloween. tears roll down freckled cheeks and the grip on his hand tightens. "i need you." something that is so hard to admit for someone who tries to remain so strong. that invisible grip on her shoulder loosens as she lets out a soft sob, eyes closing as her head falls onto his shoulder -- her hand falling from his cheek to grip onto his collar as she sobs freely for the first time in front of him -- the wall she's been so desperately patching up with shoddy work crumbling in the blink of an eye. "i can't do this without you."

had there been a part of him that had always been jealous of james and lily ? no , his feelings for james had not run in that direction but his possessiveness had been an active party in their relationship . from day one , sirius had clung to james potter like a lifeline , whispered the secrets of his childhood in the dark of the night and allowed that boy to turn him into something less cutting , something easier to be around . he feels that glow dimming out in his chest , and he sees himself ruining everything . remus is going to leave him if he doesn't stop this , and lily will cut him out entirely . it is her goodness , her loyalty to james whose sheer belief in sirius black is the only thing that keeps him standing when he wants nothing more than to follow his best friend into the darkness . " don't bring remus into this . don't even go there . " his voice is low , dangerous — because he knows that he is losing remus to his grief , and he will not be reminded of it .

" you say that like you want this ! " he laughs , humourless as he holds out his arms , gestures to the skinny shell of a thing he has become since james's death , all of his beauty withering under pallid skin , drinking himself to death because the war is over and there's nothing to fight for any longer . he feels the way he looks , like an open wound , a dying animal — a mercy killing would be kinder . " you have . . . something to live for . you have harry to keep going on for . . . " he chokes on his words and the realisation that his own life is withering painfully under his neglect . he can see remus's familiar hands reaching for him across the bed but he isn't there ; he's never there anymore .

sirius stumbles to the couch , head falling sadly into his hands . the sorrow which has hung around his whole life like a bad smell is taking over . though most seem to know the basic details of his upbringing , it was only to james that sirius had whispered every particular of the things they had done to him . taking turns with his small body flung in front of regulus , desperate to protect as is his lot in life — but he couldn't protect james from the death that had taken him , and now he cannot protect lily from himself . " yes , it was a mistake . you two know me better than anyone . why the fuck would you choose me ? " he laughs out a bitter sound , and they all know it should have been remus who's kindness is greater than sirius's selfishness . " i love harry . i love him enough to know that he deserves better than that . "

self pitying , stupid boy . sirius orion black — that son of a bitch . he was as hated as much as he was adored back at hogwarts , watched with eyes which either admired or despised the heir of the noble and most ancient house of black who walked the castle like it was his , spurred on by the precious friendships that had made him feel like he might rule the world . " i don't know what i would have done . maybe i would've succeeded in killing wormtail . maybe i would be the dead one . " he swallows his poisonous what ifs like bile . he knows little but this pain , to the outside he knows it must look like he revels in it , the deteriation of his life despite how much he still holds in both hands .

" i know i'm selfish , lily . that's the whole point . " he's tired , not quite looking at her , the terrible sadness wrecking the pair of them as they throw their anger so fiercely at one another . what would james think ? he is sure that she's right and he would be so very disappointed in him for not doing the right thing . throwing money at the problem does not fix it , but it's all he really knows anymore . it is as though he has forgotten how to be her friend , to hold her through this when he knows so intimately exactly how it feels to yearn for the comfort missing from both of them now . those words devastate him ; they level sirius black who isn't sure what else there is in this world than that boy who is all that remains of james potter . losing him would end it all , he thinks . his life would become the bottle and remus would leave , taking his future with him . why hasn't he done it yet ? why does he stand around so beautiful and sad and allow sirius to become this thing who sits with his head in his hands and sobs until there is nothing left to do but drink some more .

" i'm sorry , " his voice is like a whimper . it's wet , reluctant and destructive , soaked in firewhiskey and his sorrow which is sinking him in painfully slow motion . he stands then , paces the length of the room on skinny legs , a small and terrified creature who doesn't know what's next for him . " i'm sorry i — i don't want to shout at you . i'm not . . . i shouldn't be taking this out on you . " he sniffs , finally looks at her with glassy eyes as he approaches her like a startled animal and takes her small hands in his own , beautiful and elegant fingers disguising the truth of what a terrible thing he is . " but maybe it's best if harry doesn't get to see me . i'm the problem here . i'm the one making this worse for everyone . " he wonders , as he looks at her , if she might consider it and keep harry far from him . perhaps then oblivion can take him , and he won't need to keep fighting like this .

#sirius x lily { dementrd }#{ interaction: lily potter }#dementrd #grief tw #{ queue }

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astridstark13 · 5 years ago

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The apology

Here is just a thought I had about how things could have turned out if both of them were a bit more... Emphatic to one another... I hooe you get what I mean.

@acciosnapes @harrypotterandthefandomaccount @half-blood-slytherpuff @hoppingsnape @incorrect-lucissa-quotes @lelunalovegood @malfycs @mmmatchasay @maralisa124 @notyourtypicalslytherin @obviously-best-potions-master @punky-pinkhaired-hufflepuff @realmofthemind @remitheremit @specialagentlokitty @severussnapeimagines @slytherinquill @xpolyjuicepotion

Tagging some HP mutuals and

@nate-doesnt-understand cause you told me to upload it actually instead of hiding it from the world

🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍

After Lupins explanation of what Harry has seen in the occlumency lessons he was very quiet for the rest of the holidays. He thought his father was a good man. Sirius and Lupin had just spoken the best of him. What a great friend he was, how he was a brilliant seeker and what a wonderful couple his parents were.

But never once has Harry heard them talk about his flaws. Of course he has had some. Everyone has them. But Harry never thought his father and friends, the men he looked up to, were bullies.

Even if Remus said they were just boys and that Snape has his own attacks on them, they were four against one. Of course Snape would have defended himself. Like they bullied him and called him names, it reminded Harry of Dudley and his gang.

And for the first time he really wondered how Snape became this cruel and mean man he is now.

Or maybe...? Maybe he wasn't cruel and mean but had so many bad things happen to him that he lost hope.

What have happened when Snape had friends helping him? Lilly, his own mother, had stepped in and defended Snape. Were they friends? Why has noone ever told Harry? Lupin said Harrys mother always saw the good in the people, so that means Snape must have had good in him.

Suddenly a realization hit Harry. Without his friends, Sirius, the Weasleys, he probably could become like his hated potions teacher.

And Harry made a decision. One that noone would believe him. He didn't even believe himself.

After the holidays the routine in Hogwarts returned easily. But one thing had changed: Harrys Occlumency lessons were ended.

Snape had talked to Dumbledore and said he wouldn't teach Harry anymore. Normally he would be glad that he didn't have to spend time in the dungeons with Snape but now he felt guilty. For intruding in his teachers probably worst memory and for the things his father had said and done.

So he leaves the Griffyndor common room and headed to the dungeons. Telling his friends that he has to go to the lessons with his most hated teacher. But in reality he was on a task he had thrown upon himself.

Severus was sitting behind the desk in his classroom and corrected the homeworks he had given the students for the holidays. As expected Potters were more than dissapointing. He was lazy and arrogant like his father and nothing could ever change his mind. If only he could see some more of Lilly in her son than just her eyes but obviously there was nothing else.

A knock on the door made him look up suspiciously. He told Dumbledore that he will never again teach Potter Occlumency so who should be here to this hour.

"Enter", he calls in a monotone voice.

As Potter entered the room he immediately thought Dumbledore hasn't told him about Severus' decision.

"Your occlumency lessons are over so get back to your common room."

His voice was cold and sharp and he expected a disrespectful answer as always but to his surprise Potter said in a calm tone: "I know, Professor but I would like to speak to you for a moment", he hesitated shortly "If you allow, Sir."

Harry was eager to not made Snape angry at the beginning of the conversation and tried his best to be more polite. It surprised him how easy it was if he didn't always remember himself of how much he hated the man in front of him.

Snape on the other said get cautious. He sensed a stupid prank or something like he always did when the so called 'Marauders' showed up. But now he could punish Potter himself. Maybe gave him detention with Filch.

"I don't know what you would have to talk with me so get off and run back to your friends."

"I... Wanted to talk about the memory...", he got interrupted by Snape who jumped up so sudden his chair felt to the ground.

"Get. Off. Now", he hissed at Potter.

"No Sir. I will not. And I didn't come to argue with you...", Harry really tried to remain calm.

"So what have you come for? Making a dumb joke about the scene, then let me tell you: you're years too late. Your father said everything he could think of", Snape interrupted Harry again but this time he was really angry, nearly shouting.

"No he didn't. What he should have said, altough its not enough, was I'm sorry", Harry stated toneless.

"What", weren't it not for the serious conversation they needed to get done, Harry would have laughed at Snapes completely confused face.

"I'm sorry. For what my father and his friends did and said. Everyone has told me what a great man my father was. For trying to stop Voldemort to save my mother and me, but noone ever told me that he was a bully when he was in my age. I was shocked to see him behave like...", he stopped himself before saying 'like Dudley' and instead said: "like this. You were right he was arrogant and maybe everyone else was right too. But I just wanted to apologize. Not only for my father but for me too."

It was harder than he thought to say all this and he made more pauses between his sentences to overthink his words. Harry turned and made attempt to leave before he heard a quiet: "Wait!"

As he turned back to his Professor he could see Snape standing there, the hands on the desk and head down, so that his black hair covered his face.

"I... Appreciate your apology. Your next occlumency lesson will be tomorrow at the usual time", the potions professor said slowly and with a husky voice.

"Good evening, Professor", with that Harry leaves the room quickly. As he closed the door he thought that maybe even Severus Snape was not so bad as Harry has thought all this years. He hated Harry because of the way his father treated Snape in their school time and when he thinks of his time with the Dursleys he could understand that.

Severus sat slowly back on the chair and was shocked. He has expected Harry to sit in his common room with his friends making fun of the memory he has witnessed. Instead he came to apologize for his father and for himself.

"Maybe", Severus said into the empty classroom "Maybe he has a bit more of Lilly than I thought."

#severus snape imagine #harry potter #severus snape #severus snape fanfiction

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astridstark13 · 6 years ago

Text

So, this is a rather short idea I've got while talking about Snape and Harry with the dear Moon. You can say its sort of a 'what if AU'.

The idea was that Harry apoligized to Snape for his father and himself.

🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍

But never once has Harry heard them talk about his flaws. Of course he has had some. Everyone has them. But Harry never thought his father and friends, the men he looked up to, were bullies.

And for the first time he really wondered how Snape became this cruel and mean man he is now.

Or maybe...? Maybe he wasn't cruel and mean but had so many bad things happen to him that he lost hope.

What have happened when Snape had friends helping him? Lily, his own mother, had stepped in and defended Snape. Were they friends? Why has noone ever told Harry? Lupin said Harrys mother always saw the good in the people, so that means Snape must have had good in him.

Suddenly a realization hit Harry. Without his friends, Sirius, the Weasleys, he probably could become like his hated potions teacher.

And Harry made a decision. One that noone would believe him. He didn't even believe himself.

After the holidays the routine in Hogwarts returned easily. But one thing had changed: Harrys Occlumency lessons were ended.

Severus was sitting behind the desk in his classroom and corrected the homeworks he had given the students for the holidays. As expected Potters were more than dissapointing. He was lazy and arrogant like his father and nothing could ever change his mind. If only he could see some more of Lily in her son than just her eyes but obviously there was nothing else.

A knock on the door made him look up suspiciously. He told Dumbledore that he will never again teach Potter Occlumency so who should be here to this hour.

"Enter", he calls in a monotone voice.

As Potter entered the room he immediately thought Dumbledore hasn't told him about Severus' decision.

"Your occlumency lessons are over so get back to your common room."

"I don't know what you would have to talk with me so get off and run back to your friends."

"I... Wanted to talk about the memory...", he got interrupted by Snape who jumped up so sudden his chair felt to the ground.

"Get. Off. Now", he hissed at Potter.

"No Sir. I will not. And I didn't come to argue with you...", Harry really tried to remain calm.

"No he didn't. What he should have said, altough its not enough, was I'm sorry", Harry stated toneless.

"What", weren't it not for the serious conversation they needed to get done, Harry would have laughed at Snapes completely confused face.

It was harder than he thought to say all this and he made more pauses between his sentences to overthink his words. Harry turned and made attempt to leave before he heard a quiet: "Wait!"

As he turned back to his Professor he could see Snape standing there, the hands on the desk and head down, so that his black hair covered his face.

"I... Appreciate your apology. Your next occlumency lesson will be tomorrow at the usual time", the potions professor said slowly and with a husky voice.

Severus sat slowly back on the chair and was shocked. He has expected Harry to sit in his common room with his friends making fun of the memory he has witnessed. Insted he came to apologize for his father and for himself.

"Maybe", Severus said into the empty classroom "Maybe he has a bit more of Lily than I thought."

🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍

So I dedicate this to @written-by-living-stars who did have a great deal this idea was born and to

@a-slytherin-sin @obviously-best-potions-master @slytherinquill @thephenomenalkingofthebrogues394

I hope you like this little crazy thing.

I love you guys. 💚🐍

#harry potter #severus snape #snapedom #pro snape

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