#sincerely yours. a man who doesn't pass for shit (me)

[vossn]

Listen, we all know AdMech are absolute goals in the "I replaced my gender with some cool new gadgets" nonbinary way, but I also keep coming at it from a more binary angle and it kind of tickles my brain, so. hear me out-

You do not look like a man. You looks like steel, machine, wires, cables, but these are not the things that make up a man. As flesh melts away into steel you shift closer and farther from an arbitrary point of data their decisions are based on, but it means so very little.

You honor no aesthetics because your body has long foregone aesthetic purpose. It wasn't made to be perceived, it was made to run tirelessly, and to fight just the same, to serve you, and to serve The Omnissiah. If you shape it to fit its function, who dares question you?

They will not know if you have ever been a man to begin with. You might not even know. It doesn't matter where your path of enlightenment started. It doesn't matter what your flesh looked like before it became something sacred.

You are, by all accounts, more machine than man. But you are still a man. And so you declare yourself as one, because what else would you be?

[krems-chair]

I'm always interested in analyses that portray a romanced Solas as a predatory hee hee trickster god manipulating a young and impressionable Lavellan into falling for him and if that's your world state go ahead and live your truth b/c it's frankly none of my business, but I sincerely think there are those who forget that for a lot of people, a romanced Lavellan is (with all due respect to my own Solasmancing Inquisitor Rielle Lavelllan) batshit crazy. Having her boyfriend turn out to be a wolf god is honestly the least of her problems but oh boy is she unafraid to become one to fix this mess.

This is a woman who woke up in a dungeon with a glowing hand, figured out she could fix the world, and thought "fuck it, it's not like I'll have anything else better to do if Corypheus sticks around. Also. Everyone here kind of looks like they want to kill me, so maybe I'll stick with the protective powers that be for a minute." And then all of five seconds later she gets her hand snatched by a sketchy elven apostate who knows exactly what to do with her shiny new powers and cannot stop himself from having a Mr. Darcy level hand-flex after he lets it go (in my heart and soul this happens just out of the camera's gaze) and goes "hmm maybe there's something to be said for this world saving thing."

This is a woman who brought an entire fucking avalanche down on herself and three of her closest friends (and I do mean closest as in physical proximity, she doesn't know these people who are looking at her like she's Thedas' Next Top Idol) because even if it killed her it was the proper middle finger to send to the wannabe god bringing his army tap-dancing down the mountain pass towards her on the one night she had scheduled off to celebrate finally taking a W.

This is a woman going Take 2 Electric Boogaloo on waking up with no idea where she is and learning she was successful in spite-dragging herself up a different fucking mountain in a blizzard. Except now everyone is fighting wait nope now they're Kumbaya-ing a song Andraste's Herald should really probably be familiar with whoops, oh thank God, time for a side convo with the same apostate who's been trying to turn her entire life into a history class only for her to dive in headfirst (much to his initial abject horror) and get that good good discourse she needs since she can't go around arguing with everyone else like she wants to. "The orb is ours." You know what? Of course it is. But if they need the world saved from an elven oopsie, who better to right things than an elf? Fuck it, we ball.

This is a woman who misses being close to nature and goes positively feral at Skyhold, yeeting herself over balconies and banisters and turning the ancient fortress into her personal parkour playground because she's got energy to work off and shit to do, and if the path of least resistance to hunt down everyone she needs to talk to is coincidentally the same path that will absolutely wreck her knees by the time she's sixty, that's just how it has to be.

This is a woman who finds herself back at Haven with a man she's found it possible to be unfetteringly unabashedly herself with and thinks, "hey, maybe there could be more than the flirations we've exchanged over heated discussions and philosophical deep-dives, maybe I can have just one smooch as a treat." And when she feels her slowly unfurling passion reciprocated only to be shut down? She resolves herself to fight for this fledgling love and all the fade tongue that comes with it. This is a woman who gets the tiniest glimpse of what a retirement plan might look like after this whole saving the mortal world thing and buys all the way in.

This is a woman who has Grey Wardens to save from themselves, an empire trying to self-cannibalize, and still finds the time to go rescue a spirit because she, as a fellow comrade caught up in this mess, knows damn well that no innocent deserves to suffer if she can help it while she's got this insane amount of power she never asked for. And if that happens to lead to the man she feels safe enough to nap on the library couches with confessing at last the feelings she knows he's been smothering beneath his all-too-collected surface? Yeah, she'll take that W.

This is a woman who gets absolutely blasted head-over-ass into the fade and goes "honestly things were going a little TOO well." This is a woman who sneaks a peak at the closest fears of the companions she's come to know and love and goes "not on my fucking watch." This is a woman who sees that the man she forces herself to learn the old language for, her vhenan, fears being alone more than anything in the entire knowing world and resolves herself to ensuring it never comes to pass.

This is a woman who gets the opportunity to shape the government of a straight up country and runs around collecting wooden fucking halla in a palace full of elven servants with no time to dwell on that particularly cruel irony because out here it's scheme or be schemed. This a woman who collapses against a balcony railing after putting out some of the sickest literal and metaphorical dance moves The Game has ever seen, resigned to bear her ever-increasing burdens alone, only to find her heart and his horrible horrible hat extending a hand, promising her that if he is not alone, then neither is she.

Like, do you feel me here?

And then he dares to think something as sudden and damning as the truth is enough to keep her away? The queen of tough conversations and tougher choices? No, no, dear readers who have made it this far into my descent into madness.

Inquisitor Lavellan is a master-class in encouraging the odds against her to fuck around and find out. She is a rift-mending false-god-bashing politcally savvy terror upon all of Thedas. Solas (and all of the living breathing world) is lucky she took time out of her busy schedule to notice the way his smile softens when talking about spirits or appreciate the fluidity of his form when they're obliterating venatori out in the field. This man cradled her cheeks in his shaking hands, looked into weary and wide eyes and called her beautiful, and had the audacity to steal her heart before trying to peace out and take it with him.

If she's got to track down a real god this time and frog march him into the fade to reclaim both her heart and the future she fought for because all he wants to do is launch himself like a meteor towards achieving his greatest fear, if she has to spend hours lecturing him on the sheer audacity of his ass while spirits float by and realize they're grateful they never had the chance to take on a body and subject themselves to a verbal lashing this brutal, if she has to do cartwheels around him while dropping all sorts of sweet nothings in the language she is now quite proficient in until he gets it through his luminous gleaming skull that when she said "var lath vir suledin" my girl meant it? Then that's what she's going to do.

"I wish it could, vhenan."

Oh it's going to, buddy. Buckle up to get wrecked, to get absolutely loved and cherished you fool, because Inquisitor Lavellan is not the Dread Wolf's prey, she's his hunter.

[r3ynah]

I Can be everything and anything, at once

A 27 years old Phantom was challenged to a bet, by his co-workers at the watchtower. Green lantern stated along with the the other heroes that If he could help every single one of them at least once in a month while not using any his powers and he also had to be physically and mentally there as he helps them. the cherry on top was that he needed to use his real identity instead of his ghost form in this mission.

If Phantom successfully conceals his civilian identity, while helping them, he gets to know everyone's deepest darkest secrets.

But if he loses, he must do everyone a favor and must keep it no matter how outrageous it is.

Ofcourse Phantom agreed, because he was no bitch, okay so maybe he is, he only accepts bets like this if he knows that'll he'll win. so yeah.

Besides, having no powers for this, is really a piece of cake, if you're a raging gender fluid that knows his way around makeup and can easily change the sound of his voice, to be honest the shapeshifting parts that he got from his powers are basically just add-ons.

Well what was he waiting for? afterall he needed all the blackmail he could get, not as Phantom but as Daniel James Fucking Fenton, this was an opportunity to go batshit crazy and he was absolutely stealing it.

The very first hero Danny approached to help was Wonder Woman, who thanked Danny who was now disguised as a woman wearing a long ass Red wig, and some clothes he "borrowed" from Jazz who just joked about Danny being her twin, and wished him luck.

"Thank you, young lady for your brave actions to help me." Wonder woman sincerely thanked the boy in disguise as she held both of Danny's hands as gratitude "may I ask the name of my savior? "

"My name's El, It's a pleasure to know you." Danny smiled a little wider.

The second was Flash, which Danny found completely amusing because of the way he helped the speedy hero, who tripped while patrolling around the city.

Danny who was now in a more gothic attire( thanks to Sam's help) caught the hero's wrist before he embarrassingly fell face first on the ground.

"You okay there sir?" Danny asked, as he kept a firm grip on the man's wrist to make sure he doesn't fall.

Meanwhile Flash who thought he was in those korea tv romance dramas only blue screened for a few seconds before finally get his shit together. "yeah- um- name's Flash, and you are?"

The hero tripped on his own words, making Danny amused as fuck. "James, it was nice to finally meet you"

Okay, about like three weeks in, and Danny managed to help almost everyone in the watchtower, and only a few more to go,( he didn't get why most of the heroes he helped either started to stutter or blue screen in their spot once they talk to him. like damn is this how all of you treat every civilian who interacts with you? that's just sad) but at this time, Dan and Elle found out, and were now demanding to join, with the excuse of basically being Danny but in alternate or clone form, which Danny had no choice but to give in, I mean he wasn't breaking any rules so technically this was alright.

Danny wanted to take a break so Dan took over this time.

currently Nightwing was observing the outside of the gala, Bruce was invited to, something about a bunch of drugs being hidden within the crowd, and was now being passed around.

He intently remained focused on his observation, while also keeping a conversation with Oracle and the others on the comms, he didn't realize that he was too far off the edge of the railing he was standing on, until he missed a step.

Nightwing would never admit that he let a quiet squeal to his siblings ever as he fell, he closed his eyes and braced for impact, he would never expect to fall into the arms of a man 3x bigger than him, he stared at the man, and the man stared at him. 'holy shit' Nightwing thought.

The man, chuckled making Nightwing internally scream. "When I wished for Desiree, to make someone from above to save me from this trash party, I didn't think it would be one of the birds of gotham, to come and fall for me let alone the handsome one."

Okay Nightwing was now full on red from blushing, he was put down gently by the man on the ground, before offering a handshake, once Nightwing accepted the handshake, Dan pulled the hand closer to his mouth then gave a quick peck on the back of the hand vigilante's hand. "My name's Dan Masters, it's a pleasure to meet you."

his siblings can eat dirt on how they were teasing Nightwing Right now, but this was fucking worth it.

And the last to have gotten help from Danny was John Constantine, Danny actually had a reason on why he saved John for last, and that's because John actually knows Danny's identity, so for this mission he asked the help of his daughter Elle.

Elle had helped John by fixing a ruined summoning circle, who also helped him negotiate with a demon, and somehow all day, Elle just stuck to Constatine's side, her explanation? 'He'll die without me' fair point John thought as he took the kid, to order ice cream and to hangout in the park.

"You know kid, you remind me of someone." Constantine stated while keeping his eyes on what's infront of him, which was just a bunch of trees.

Elle who sat next to him, still eating her Ice cream looked up at him and said. "Really?"

"Yeah like you two literally have the same aura and all just a little different, but I don't know who yet." He replied and ruffled the kid's hair. making the girl laugh.

"Hey John!" Danny greeted behind them, and then all the gears inside of Constantine's head began to work. he let out a groan as he realized the girl beside him was the clone of the man behind him, well he needed to kiss that secret of his goodbye. here on this spot right now or he'll die of embarrassment if he waited any longer.

"Danny, let's go on a date." Constantine stated, not facing the Man.

this comment made the Father and Daughter choke on literal air.

[burningcheese-merchant]

When Burning Spice was introduced a lot of people made comparison with Capsaicin, and even thought they were related. You have any thoughts on that?

I do, and you're all probably going to be very disappointed lol

Not only do I NOT vibe with the idea that they're related, I'm actually really annoyed that it's as popular as it is lol. It doesn't even make sense. Burning Spice was in prison for thousands of years; when, where and how did he have a kid? At what point in time did this occur? Capsaicin is a young man. A regular mortal, outside of his "Spice Overlord" thing. I ask you all again: when? Where? How? WHY? Has anyone ever actually thought this through?

"ThEy LoOk SiMiLaR" okay, and? So fucking what? Neither of them own the concept of "long hair" or "muscles" or "sharp teeth". Pitaya has those too, and he has an arguably more substantial connection to Capsaicin because they're actually from the same fucking area. Happenstance. Lots of characters in this game have similar attributes, that doesn't necessarily mean anything

"ThEy'Re BoTh SpIcY" Refer to point A. Do you all think all the nut-based cookies are related, too? That's the logic you might as well be operating on. Correlation is not causation

"Blah blah both go 2 jail" you know how many characters in this wack-ass phone game count as felons, bro? How many of them SHOULD count as felons lol? The Cookie Run universe might as well be one giant Alcatraz with all the shit these little affronts to God get up to every day, I ain't making them all each other's relatives because of it

They're the wrong ages for them to be family. Burning Spice was serving a life sentence since long before Capsaicin was even thought of, he literally got out after the guy was already a grown ass man. They're not even from the same fucking CONTINENT! Capsaicin has probably never even HEARD of Beast-Yeast! Even that little comic the CRK Twitter account posted makes fun of all this shit!!! The Wild Spices mistake Cap for Spice from behind, and then get confused when he turns around because THEY VERY CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW WHO HE IS AND HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE! Wouldn't an army know if their general had a son, even if it was only mentioned in passing? Wouldn't THIS army have a vested interest in having their general's son around if he existed, and stop at nothing to bring him home should he vanish, to gain favor with Spice and because of how powerful Capsaicin is and how useful he could be to them?

I wouldn't be so bent out of shape about all this if it wasn't LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYWHERE!!! I cannot enjoy any content of Burning Spice OR Capsaicin without having to endure a fucking barrage of "hurr durr father and son" posts!!! I just want to ogle my hot, sexy, deliciously evil spice man BY HIM-FUCKING-SELF in peace, I never asked to have to hear the exact fucking same "hi son I came back with the milk" joke over and over and over again

I know I sound like a massive dick right now and I'm truly sorry. You are more than welcome to think of these two as related in some way if you wish. I am not your mother, nor your leader, nor your god, I'm just some cringe loser on the internet. Enjoy this game and its characters in whatever way you choose. I even actually like a good bit of the father/son art, a lot of it is cute and funny. I'm able and willing to say that with complete sincerity.

I just wish I didn't have to feel like it's being forced on me. That is one of the biggest issues I have with this fandom: how oppressive it often feels. You MUST ship this particular pairing, you MUST headcanon these characters as family, you MUST take this one-off joke that was clearly just a goddamn joke and preach it 24/7/365 like it's the gospel truth that Devsis themselves wrote on stone tablets and delivered from the top of Mount Sinai. And then when someone doesn't want to do that, everyone else descends upon them like a plague of fucking locusts. I actually saw a Dad Spice + Son Cap post on here with the person who made it saying something like "ok since everyone agrees that these two are family [...]" and I just got so fucking irritated. No, actually, not everyone agrees. Not everyone agrees on a lot of the fanon that's shoved down the entire community's throats on a regular basis. PLEASE stop acting like they do. I still remember when people would get flat-out harassed for not acting like Herb is Sea Fairy's son (old ass drama lol).

Say what you will about me, I'm just one person and you can block me or whatever dumb tags I use for my dumb shit. There is NOWHERE I can go to avoid this. Twitter? Plagued. Tumblr? Plagued. Even fucking reddit is on this nonsense (only in my personal opinion). But that's what I get for acknowledging Reddit in any capacity lol

I shall once again sincerely apologize for my harsh tone here, I am not attacking you personally or anyone who headcanons these two as relatives. I am just generally, profoundly frustrated and I need to get it out. I appreciate you taking the time to ask me an honest question, I hope you can forgive me for my painfully honest answer

[peaxhygirl]

𝙰𝚁𝙼𝙰𝙽𝙳𝙾 𝙰𝚁𝙴𝚃𝙰𝚂 𝚇 𝙵𝙴𝙼𝙰𝙻𝙴 𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙳𝙴𝚁 - 𝚅𝙸𝙲𝙴 (5)

: ̗̀➛𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝙱𝙻𝙰𝙲𝙺 𝚏𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚎 𝙾𝙲

: ̗̀➛𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: Raven and Armando go under cover once again. Which lands them in a sticky situation.

: ̗̀➛𝙰𝙽: Hey guys!! So, this is either part 1 of 2, or the next upload will just be part 6. :) Either way, the inspiration came from me listening to "Blick Sum" on Latto's new album. Hope it doesn't such and you enjoy! // Armando and Raven's looks pictured above.

"Mike, I think your son is on the run on again." Mike's head whipped towards his longtime partner and best friend as he walked away from Armando's room. His face crinkled in confusion, already preparing to tell Marcus to cut the bullshit "Look, I'm serious man. He's not in his room or anywhere else in the house." "Well, what about outside? In the back maybe?" Dorn offered an alternative suggestion, having grown a liking to Armando, he doubted his newfound team member would just escape.

On the opposite side of the couch Mike couldn't help but grow silent. He also couldn't fathom his son just up and going on the run. He'd seen the improvement Armando was making, an actual effort to be trusted and become a part of this team. No way he'd just up and leave. "Okay, okay. Let's think about this seriously. Where would he even run to? He has immunity so long as he's with us. So, what sense would it make for him to run?" The sound of Raven's door opening cause a hushed silence to fall over the room.

Kelly, Dorn, Mike, and Marcus all watched in surprise as a shirtless Armando exited the bedroom with two empty coffee mugs, sitting them in the sink. Black sweatpants hung loosely around his hips, his hair looked dishevel, and his lips looked red and swollen as if he'd been lip-locked with someone for hours.

"You guys are idiots." He lowly grumbled and turned on his heels to turn back into her room. The four of them were left in surprise at the sight. It seemed like years had passed before Dorn spoke. "I knew it!" Slapping his hand down on the coffee table palm up, he then wiggled his fingers. "Pay up, fuckers. Love always prevails!" He fist pumped.

Another hour passed before Raven and Armando were dressed and present for the debriefing of what was to occur that day. "Is it big?" Kelly could be heard whispering to Raven as they began to giggle. "Hey! Enough of that shit." Marcus exclaimed as Armando smirked.

"Ok Snooki and Jwow, can you two pick that conversation up later. It's time to get down to business. Based on what Armando and Raven saw last night, plus Armando's idea to infiltrate we have the perfect way in." Dorn sat up from his seat, eyebrows crinkled as he glanced around the room. "Infiltrate? How are you gonna do that?" Now it was Armando's turn to speak. "They know our faces now. If anything, they probably think we're some hot shots trying to get in on his game, become allies at the least. All we have to do is get in through that fucker that was hitting on Raven last night."

"And just where are we supposed to find him?" Raven questioned, her eyebrow raising as she eyed the brown skinned male who only smirked. "Don't worry about that, baby. I have my sources. " Raven opened her mouth to rebut, she wanted all the details if she was going to be walking back into direct danger. "Raven, trust me. We double checked it, it's a legit way in. Your captain and Rita are okay with it. We wouldn't send you into any half assed shit. You trust us?" Mike spoke up, eyeing her with pure sincerity in his eyes. She took a moment but nodded. "Yea. Let's get it then."

With that, Mike, Marcus, and Armando went on to explain the full plan.

The purr of the approaching black Lamborghini caught the attention of many in the already crowded lot. The sun seemed to dance off the paint as it traveled along the path, the unknown driver eventually parked the car before both doors opened. Those who had weapons reached for them, unaware of who the hell had just waltz into their hangout and where did they get the nerve to do so.

Time seemed to stand still underneath the blazing sun, that was until they were greeted by the sight of a woman stepping out of the car. Raven's hair whipped past her face as she looked around the crowd of men and the women that accompanied them. Her teeth chomped down on her bubble gum before she blew a large bubble, allowing it to pop shortly after. "Are we interrupting?" She smiled innocently as Armano stepped out of the car. They both met at the hood of the car, Raven's short shorts and orange and white striped bikini accented the figure that they both knew men went crazy for.

She leaned against the car, scanning the crowd for the sleaze ball they'd encountered the other day. She glanced over to Armando who wore something simpler. He wore a white tank top and black pants. The hills and valleys of his muscles more defined by the flex of him situating himself beside her. The true flash of his outfit resided in the smaller details he chose, the thin gold chain he wore around his neck practically danced with each move he made. Mike personally went out to get him shoes that were way more expensive than needed. Stating something about. "A subtle flex is what we really need." But really Raven felt he simply wanted to get his son a gift.

It seemed everyone was in somewhat awe of this random couple, but slowly returned to their previous activities. "He's coming." Raven spoke lowly to Armando who'd propped up a bit as the sleaze ball approached. "Ah, tough guy." He greeted as he approached the two. "Can I uh, can I ask what you're doing here?" The man looked around the area before he motioned to the open space. "You know, this is a dangerous place to be." The smug smile on his face agitated Raven, while Armando held a cool demeanor. "Where's your boss?"

He ignored the futile attempts of the man to place fear into his heart. Mainly because he wasn't scared, but also because he needed to cut out this middleman bullshit. "My boss? Compañero, no body speaks to him without speaking to me first? So, like I said, what are you doing here?" Raven glanced between the two. Although this was a mission they were on, she felt she was getting a glimpse of the man Armando used to be. She couldn't lie and say it wasn't turning her the fuck on. The arrogant confidence and dominance radiating off him cause butterflies to form in her belly as she thought of the night before.

"Tengo algunos asuntos que tengo que discutir con él. Así que, de nuevo, ¿dónde está el hombre a cargo?" Armando replied, nonchalantly. As he discovered in the car, Raven was very fluent in Spanish much to his surprise, so he knew she was well aware of what was happening. "The man in charge huh? Well right now, I'm the man in charge. Ain't that right, sweetheart." He took this time to finally acknowledge Raven, winking at her. "Why don't you come over here with me, huh?" he continued with a lick of his lips. And while, Armando was very much playing a role of a man who wouldn't stand for that.

He, himself, also wouldn't stand for the disrespect of this woman. Of his woman. "Yo, didn't I tell you last night to match your words with her." Armando stood up straight. Reaching behind himself to quickly brandish his two toned baretta. This of course, cause the entire crowd to get on the defense. The goons around them also drew their guns, waiting for who she could only assume to be their underboss to say the word and they'd be Swiss fucking cheese.

In this moment, she hoped the rest of the team was making their way to rescue them in this moment as Armando placed the gun underneath the sleaze balls chin. "Apologize to her." He gritted through clenched teeth. For once, the man showed a bit of bravado. Not apologizing, but instead offering a challenge. "Odio a los gilipollas como tú, solo que duros con una pistola."

In this moment, Raven knew he was either this brave to safe face in front of his crew or because he knew they were outnumbered. "Oh?" Armando laughed. "So, you think this gun is what makes me so tough?" With the firearm still pointed underneath his chin, the sleaze ball stood firm in his stance that Armando wouldn't be so tough without it. Raven watched as he laughed, pulling the gun away and holding it out to her. "Hold this, baby." He stated without even turning his head to look at her.

Without uttering a word, she took the gun from him, watching as he sent a fist flying straight into the male's nose.

Fuck!

𝚃𝚁𝙰𝙽𝚂𝙻𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽

Compañero - "Buddy."

Tengo algunos asuntos que tengo que discutir con él. Así que, de nuevo, ¿dónde está el hombre a cargo? - "I have some business that I need to discuss with him. So, again, where's the man in charge?"

Odio a los gilipollas como tú, solo que duros con una pistola. - "I hate assholes like you. Only tough with a gun."

credit for Armando picture to @yeahnohoneybye

[cator99]

please finish your wedding story, i so badly want to hear the rest of it. i await eagerly.

>everyone lived happily ever after

>a few weeks pass

>I write the brides a lengthy and detailed letter of recommendation to their immigration lawyer

>they're overjoyed and think its a beautiful letter, and I'm glad to help because I hope they last forever and get everything they want in life, if I may drop the act and be sincere for a moment

>a few days pass. the bride I've known for over 15 years messages me

>however... she doesn't care. she's on her honeymoon. and I'm just some chick she was friends with as a kid. what does upset her is how she found out.

>at first I assume that the woman who reached out to her (who I knew back in jr high, and is a few years older than me) was just trying to upset her

>bride tells me about how this woman was her best friend and then suddenly blocked her out of nowhere, which was (and is) still very painful for her

>the woman, who we will refer to as "A" whips up a story about being concerned for the bride's safety and privacy or something

>bride is confused. there's no identifying information. the post is a nothingburger to her. what's important here is that she's upset that this woman messaged her after 4 years, not to make things right..... but to talk about "zander"

>right, this is about me, because this is "A" we're talking about here...... hell hath no fury like a closet case scorned

how did she find my blog?

I assume it went like this:

>"A" goes to peek at her ex-bestie's wedding photos

>"Zander" Spotted

>runs to LC

>"hey does anyone remember Zander who I used to post about on here all the time 7 years ago? I may have found an update!"

>"that's terf cator99 who was posted about on the Women Youre Ashamed To Want To Fuck thread you fucking idiot that looks nothing like her"

>no here's proof!

>autism ensues

>several replies get deleted, other responses indicate they're "A" sperging and linking my blog

>people argue if I deserve to be there anymore

>"she's a tif"

>"no"

> yes"

>"no"

>"I used to know her" ["A" posting]

>"tell us more!"

>"she used to have this one pair of glasses and then she had this other pair of glasses that looked really good on her..."

meanwhile:

>assume she's probably back on her LC shit

>find and link bride to the LC thread and explain to her that "A" has just been trolling for fun and to pay it no mind, you're better off without her in your life

>"hey bride-chan, not to be weird but I'm just trying to understand this shit, do you think A ever had a thing for me... I always kind of assumed she was bi or gay when we were younger and thought it was cool that she was androgynous and went to school dressed as Kaito from vocaloid all the time so I wanted to be her friend but she was pretty rude to people and I backed off"

>"well i dont know but she's married to a man now..."

>yet here she is trying to get under the skin of two women who are with other women

to be fair I earned the lolcow title fair and square years ago all on my own, and really do feel I owe "A" a favor for introducing me to the site. it was very formative for me to find out places like that existed right at the moment I was starting to have conflicting thoughts about the trans shit so I could gain some self-awareness (and general awareness overall) (shout out to "A"s friend who cowtipped to me.....)

meanwhile, on LC:

>"well done ladies, we've figured it all out. Butch Lesbian cator99 is currently partying with gay men, and It is common knowledge that "gay men" are all secretly bisexuals who are looking to hook up with women who say things like "I'm a lesbian" and "I am not attracted to males". That is their mating call, in fact. These words activate the Hetero gland in the Amygdala like a sleeper agent who has been biologically programmed– as we all are– to stop the kiki-ing and split off into heterosexual pairings at the end of a poppers-fuelled night assless-twerking to Britney."

>"good work. But I'll one-up you: look at this screenshot."

[photo from an instagram account, featuring a photo of 17 year old Zander's legs in the bath. "I Am Totally Into Epic Awesome Penis Now!!!!!!" (She had never seen a penis)]

>"yes, this is definitely a normal thing for a straight woman to say. I always knew she was a faker."

>"yes. as im sure you're all aware, there are many social and career benefits from pretending to be a lesbian."

>"doesn't that idiot know that she can't just lie and change her orientation? I can't believe she's been straight this whole time."

>"what does she have to gain from lying?"

>"She's so adamant about being a lesbian, which is a dead giveaway for a cover-up operation. The more they resist, the more evident it is that they are lying in order to gain access to that highly lauded Online Lesbian Following, which is something every straight woman wants deep down."

meanwhile:

>call gf

>"bad news. I just found out I'm actually straight."

[saturnine-saturneight]

OC Questionnaire Tag

Tagged by @gioiaalbanoart [here], @the-golden-comet [here] [here] and [here], @rotting-moon-writes [here] and probably more that I'm missing! I am not on top of my activity tab. At all.

My questions:

What would you do if your enemy asked for help?

Would you ask your enemy for help?

Do you act on impulse, or do you think before you act?

What is your happiest memory?

What do you wish to achieve?

How far will you go to reach your goals?

What never fails to make you laugh?

How can you tell if you’ll get along with someone?

Do you prefer sweet, savory, sour, or salty snacks?

What was your favorite childhood toy?

What has been your worst injury?

Where do you go when you need to think?

Doing this for Nat and Ron.

1. What would you do if your enemy asked for help?

Nat: "Laugh in their face about it. Or - wait, no. How exploitable is the situation, exactly?"

Ron: "Question the fuck out of the whole thing. I mean, probably a trap, right? But if they're sincere, I dunno. Depends on the enemy? I'm trying to come up with people I'd actually consider that and I'm kinda coming up empty, though."

2. Would you ask your enemy for help?

Nat: "Not over my dead body. I solve my own goddamn problems, I don't need that kind of help."

Ron: "Is this a hypothetical where they're, like, the only person who can help me? Then yeah dude, probably. I'd have to figure out what they could want from me in return that I can give without getting tangled in anything."

3. Do you act on impulse, or do you think before you act?

Nat: "I think before I act, of course. I'm a creature of intellect. I plan." [They don't.]

Ron: "Way more often on impulse than I'd like, that's for sure." [He's also wrong about this.]

4. What is your happiest memory?

Nat: "I'll pass on this question. Those memories are mine, thank you very much." [They're thinking hard, but they're coming up empty.] "Oh. Being picked out by Bishop. But you can see how that went for me."

Ron: "I dunno, nothing really sticks out. I like the days best where nothing happens and we're just hanging out. With most of the rest of the happy memories, they usually involve escaping by the skin of my goddamn teeth from something and being happy I get to live another day, lol." [Please don't say lol out loud, Ron.] "Man, that night that we decided to hit the bricks and run away together was really cool, though. Just the three of us, right? Me, Teo, and - y'know." [He rubs the back of his neck.]

5. What do you wish to achieve?

Nat: "I just need to make one good contribution to the field of blood flowers. I need to leave my mark before I die, and if that doesn't work out, then I need somebody to take my field notes and publish them for me posthumously."

Ron: "I don't know, man. I don't think I'm living the kind of life where you achieve shit! More of an accomplishing kind of deal, you know? Let me use that in a sentence: Nat and me are accomplishes in crime :P"

Nat: "That was terrible."

Ron: "You don't fucking appreciate me."

6. How far will you go to reach your goals?

Nat: "Don't ask me that. You aren't going to like the answer."

Ron: "Depends on the goal? I like ferretting out solutions to shit, but I'm not super keen on putting myself in danger."

7. What never fails to make you laugh?

Nat: "Someone tripping over something. Gets me every time."

Ron: "People-watching and talking shit with Nat."

8. How can you tell if you'll get along with someone?

Nat: "When that somebody isn't incredibly useless, I will generally be fine with them." [Nat doesn't get along with other people in general.]

Ron: "If they're not immediately trying to kill me?" [Even then he'll consider it.]

9. Do you prefer sweet, savory, sour, or salty snacks?

Nat: "I don't snack an awful lot. When I do, it's usually salty, though. I drink more water than the average person, so I need to mind my salt intake."

Ron: "Sour all the way, fuck yeah. You know those super long rolled up candy snake things with the fizzy powder? Those are the shit."

10. What was your favorite childhood toy?

Nat: "Ugh, I'm not sure. A doll, probably? Who gives a damn." [Nat doesn't remember the majority of their childhood.]

Ron: "Stones? We used to play with stones a lot. You know, skipping them, doing board games on the ground, stuff like that."

11. What has been your worst injury?

Nat: "Getting the entirety of my shoulder degloved, I would say. Does the word degloving apply to body parts that aren't hands? If it doesn't, then it should."

Ron: "The eye thing." [Which he doesn't want to talk about.]

12. Where do you go when you need to think?

Nat: "Into my field notebook or my notes app on my phone, generally. I like to write things out and see how I feel."

Ron: "Rooftops? Road trips too. Somewhere quiet."

Bonus questions for you:

If you had to pick an item of clothing or an accessory to wear for the rest of your life, what would it be?

If you were forced to forget one memory, what would you choose?

What is a positive thing your worst enemy would say about you?

(Re)Tagging gently:

@paeliae-occasionally @rotting-moon-writes @marlowethelibrarian @tragedycoded @noblebs

@writingrosesonneptune @davycoquette @the-golden-comet @gioiaalbanoart @chauceryfairytales + open

Feel free to do any of these, none of these, whatever you like.

[starwarsmum]

Chapter 25 of Introducing: Mousinette! A Serious Conversation

https://archiveofourown.org/works/58529116/chapters/149110846

The next few days were tense. Damian hovered over her, and Marinette was starting to chafe under his overbearing concern. She was glad that he cared so much about her but he was starting to snap at anyone who approached her. It was making her tired, trying to tell him to back off without being mean, because she knew it was coming from a place of love.

But Marinette was a social creature. She loved speaking to different people, meeting new friends and brightening their days where she could. So when Damian had growled at a young man that she vaguely recognised from one of her business classes, she decided it was enough. She apologised to the guy before hauling Damian off to a quiet, secluded area.

“Okay, this needs to stop,” she said firmly, glaring up at him with her hands propped on her hips. He looked away from her, muttering something unintelligible and her temper finally snapped. “No, you need to listen to me. I get it, you're worried about me, but if you don't back off from all of this- this macho bullshit, I'm going to need more space. As in, don't call me for a while more space.”

“If you do not wish to be with me-” he began stiffly, though Marinette saw the hurt and panic flash in his eyes. She sighed and fisted her hands in her hair, tugging sharply so that she didn't scream.

“That's not what I said, and you know that. Damian, I know that you mean well, but this isn't going to work if you keep smothering me. You alone in this city know just how much I don't need a protection detail, but you're letting your worry dictate how you treat me. Halloween was bad. It was freaking terrifying, I wish it hadn't happened but I'm fine.”

“Tt, people who are fine do not wake up several times a night from night terrors,” Damian argued hotly, his hands fisting at his side. It was approaching the end of lunchtime on a Monday, which meant that Marinette had a class to be at soon, but she was determined to sort this out.

“You're right, but that doesn't mean I need protection from everyone who wants to say hello to me!” An alarm buzzed on her phone, signaling the end of her lunch. She cursed as she turned it off, turning back to him and speaking in a rush. “Listen, this is not me breaking up with you. I have no interest in not being with you, because you are incredible and I love you, so I mean this as gently as I possibly can: sort your shit out. I have to go to class now, but if you still want to, you can come back to mine with me for dinner.”

Pausing to press a quick kiss to his cheek, she hurried to her next class, leaving a dumbstruck Damian in her wake. It took several long moments for him to unfreeze, his heart pounding and palms sweaty. She did not seem to realise what she had said, nor the effect it had produced in him. 

The next few hours passed in somewhat of a daze for Damian, his mind trying to analyse her words even as he speculated whether she meant them. The ease with which she had said them made him think she was sincere, but they had been arguing just before it. His mind continued to spin in circles, all the way up to when he waited for Marinette in their usual meeting spot.

“Hey,” she said brightly, reaching over and entwining her hand in his. He felt the raging storm in his mind settle slightly from the simple contact, although his heartbeat increased. He was quiet as they walked, but Marinette more than made up for it with nervous chatter.

Once they were in her apartment, she quieted down, her movements slower. He could feel her tension but was not sure how to start the conversation they needed to have. All he could think about were those three words, the way she had said them and the offhanded nature of the comment. 

“So…” Marinette said, letting the word trail away into silence. She had pushed herself onto the kitchen counter, feet swinging agitatedly with one hand twirling a lock of her hair. She glanced up into his eyes and away again just as quickly before trying again. “We should probably talk about…about earlier.”

“Yes, I suppose we should,” Damian agreed, stepping closer to her but not touching. His hands thrummed with anticipatory energy but he merely leaned against the counter next to her. “You said that you did not wish to end things - is that still true?”

“What? Of course I don't want to end things! Damian, I like spending time with you, you're a wonderful guy and you make me happy - normally,” she added, twisting her hands together. “The problem is you don't seem to think I can handle myself right now.”

“It is not that I think you are unable to take care of yourself,” Damian said slowly, reaching out and taking hold of her hand. “I admit, I have been overzealous in my attempts to keep you from harm. It was my fault that you encountered the Scarecrow, and I was not able to assist you immediately even once he was being dealt with.”

“Damian, I was going to run into a rogue at some point,” Marinette said, in a voice more gentle than he would have expected. She cupped his hand in both of hers, bringing it up to her face. He looked into her eyes and there was a warmth he somehow had not expected in them. “In an ideal world, nobody would ever have to deal with villains, but it's a risk we have to take. I won't spend my life hiding in my apartment, or in the manor.”

“I should have known that,” Damian admitted softly, stroking a thumb down her cheek. He stepped closer, leaning his head against her own. “I feel so much for you, Marinette, more than I have ever felt for anyone else. And the thought of you being harmed…it is the worst thing I can imagine. But I should not be allowing that fear to change how I behave with you, so I am sorry.”

“I understand,” she replied, her voice barely more than a whisper. Her eyes were shining with tears, but a smile played on her lips. His chest felt lighter, as though he had been wearing restraining bands that were suddenly loosened. “I'm glad we talked about this. And hey, we survived our first real fight.”

“Hmph, I think we should avoid any further fights,” he murmured, dropping his head into her shoulder. He brushed a kiss onto her neck, delighting in the shiver that produced. He went no further, nervous now to discuss what had been most on his mind that afternoon. “Starling, there is something else I wish to discuss.”

“Okay,” she said, sounding slightly breathless. Her hands were already starting to tangle in his hair and he gave a shudder of pleasure when her fingertips ghosted along his scalp. Their lips met without much conscious thought on his part, but he pressed into her greedily. One hand was braced on the counter but the other held her chin firmly.

“Did you mean it?” He asked when they finally broke apart, panting for breath. Her eyes were unfocused but she made a confused noise. He screwed up his courage, trying to ignore the swirling sensation in the pit of his stomach. “At lunch, when you said you loved me, were you sincere?”

“I- what?” The confusion in her face was quickly replaced with shock, her face paling considerably. “I didn't- I mean-”

“It is alright,” he said immediately, trying to reassure her even through the crushing disappointment that swept through him. “I only wanted to- it is unimportant. I should not have said anything.”

“No no no no no, Damian, wait,” Marinette said in a rush, taking hold of him in a surprisingly strong grip. He found that he was unable to look at her, choosing instead to study their joined hands. “Damian, I- of course I meant it. It's just- we've only been dating a couple of months, and no matter how much I feel for you, I didn't mean to pressure you at all.”

“You truly love me? Even knowing what you do about my past, and that I cannot protect you when it matters most?” He was so afraid that she would take it back, terrified that she did not feel even a fraction of what he did.

“Damian, I love you for who you are, not what you can or can't do for me,” Marinette said gently, releasing his arm to pull his chin around to look at her. He was sure she could see the desperation in his face but once their eyes met, he stood transfixed. “If you hadn't been through what you have, I'm not sure who you would be. All I know is that whatever’s turned you into the man you are today, whatever path you had to walk, I'm glad you're here.”

“I love you too,” he whispered, the pressure that had been building within him dissipating. Her eyes widened, but a sweet smile spread across her face. He wasted no more time, kissing her again without holding back.

_ _ _

The next few days were wonderful for Marinette. She was still ahead with her work, she and Damian were getting past the incident with the Scarecrow and she was going to see Kagami this week! The tournament was due to start on Friday and conclude on Saturday. And when Kagami inevitably won the tournament, they would be able to go and celebrate.

Damian managed to negotiate his and Marinette's day off on the Friday, especially as Marinette was ahead of all requests. So they decided she would stay at the manor for the night in between, but he would stay at her apartment the night before. 

When Thursday dawned and Marinette struggled to wake, Damian brought her breakfast in bed as a surprise. She was touched, as he had obviously been practicing without her knowledge, because he served her a perfect omelette with a fresh cup of orange juice. He rejoined her in the bed with his own breakfast and they chatted about the upcoming matches. 

When they arrived at the tournament hall, Marinette immediately dragged him over to the competitors stretching area. She smiled and said hello to the various coaches, having already met many of them previously. She didn't stop moving until she found the Tsurugis, bowing to Tomoe before moving over to Kagami.

“Hey Gami! Let me know when you're warmed up so I can give you a big squeeze,” Marinette said, grinning eagerly at her friend. Kagami gave her a small smile back, before looking at Damian. “Oh, right, yes, Kagami, this is Damian, who you met through video call in September. Damian, Kagami is one of my best friends, I honestly don't think I would have survived high school without her.”

“Forever selling yourself short, Mari-hime. You are the very definition of grace under fire, had we not been friends I am positive you would have been fine,” Kagami said, clearly amused. She was working through some lunges, back straight and fencing arm at the ready. “Damian Wayne, it is good to meet you face to face at last.”

“Likewise, Tsurugi. Were you not currently readying yourself for a competitive tournament, I would request a spar. I believe you requested to meet me in combat before allowing my relationship with Marinette, so I would like to get that out of the way at your earliest convenience.”

“Damian,” Marinette squeaked, mortified at the easy nod Kagami gave him in response. “Kagami isn't a- a guard or dragon or whatever, for you to battle to win my favour. And Kagami, you shouldn't just go along with this insanity, you don't need to pick a fight with every one of my partners.”

“Apologies, Starling, but if it eases your friends' minds to know that I am willing to go into combat for you, I am more than happy to spar with them. Regardless, I would enjoy sparring with a famous fencer, are you saying that you would deny me that pleasure?” Damian looked at her reproachfully, and Marinette groaned in defeat.

“As long as it doesn't end in Kagami either threatening you or blessing a union, I guess I can live with that,” she groused, throwing a warning look in Kagami's direction. “We just wanted to come and wish you luck, not that you need it. We'll find you after your matches, okay?”

As they walked away, they quickly lost themselves in the crowd. Damian held on tightly to her hand, and she enjoyed the pressure. When they had finally taken their seats, Damian carefully laid his arm across her shoulders before speaking. 

“Where is your other friend, Bourgeois? I had assumed she would be here for her significant other's tournament,” he remarked, the hand nearest her hair fiddling with the ends. She giggled before tangling her fingers into his own.

“She couldn't get the time from her university. She was so annoyed, but her dad isn't mayor of Paris anymore so she can't threaten people until she gets her way. It's been good for her,” Marinette said wisely, still giggling a little. 

When the tournament finally began, Marinette watched with the enthusiasm of someone who had no clue what was happening but loved the people participating. When Kagami won a point, she was one of the first on her feet cheering, and when she won a match, she was whooping and shrieking happily. 

Once Kagami's place was secure as a finalist for the following day, Marinette dragged Damian back down to the competitors changing area. She released him when she headed inside to find Kagami, but came out to him a short time later. They stood together, waiting for Kagami to find them, although Marinette did greet quite a few people that she recognised from previous tournaments.

“Hey, aren't you the girl who used to come with Adrien Agreste?” One such person said, looking curiously at the pair. Marinette nodded in a much more subdued manner, her smile feeling more strained. “It's a shame he couldn't do this tournament, huh? It would be cool to see Kagami Tsurugi facing off against him, they always make for a tense match!”

“Oh, for sure,” she replied, relaxing again. At least, she did until they were all joined by yet another person, this one sneering openly at Marinette. She could feel Damian bristle on her behalf, the hand around her waist tightening. She decided to be polite and greet them.

“Does Adrien Agreste know that you're fooling around with a random guy, just because he didn't have time to do the tournament?” The girl demanded without returning the greeting. The person who had originally stopped winced, but didn't say anything. 

“You mean, does my best friend know that my boyfriend goes places with me?” Marinette responded coolly, arching an eyebrow. “I don't care what you think you know about me, you're clearly mistaken. Adrien is a very close friend but that's it, and Damian has been my boyfriend since September.”

“That- you're a liar! A cheat, and a liar, and I'm going to make sure Adrien knows all about this,” the girl said angrily, jabbing a finger in Marinette's face. Her friend looked embarrassed, but didn't stop her, which made Marinette angrier. 

“Go right ahead, Adrien knows I'm dating Damian,” she said, chin jutting out in defiance. “I'm waiting for one of the other contestants here, so if you're just here to shout about your ignorance, you can leave.”

“Oh my God, how many guys are you stringing along?” The girl screeched, stepping into Marinette's space. Marinette held her ground and glared at the other girl. The girl turned to Damian, glaring at him too. “You can do better than her, you know that? If she's cheating on someone to be with you, she'll do the same thing again.”

“Tt, you are horrifically misinformed. Adrien Agreste has not dated Marinette since they were in high school, and the breakup was mutual. If you dare to insult my girlfriend again, you will find yourself barred from future events of this nature, to ensure her safety and the safety of anyone else you delusionally confront.”

“How dare you!” The girl's friend now got involved, having decided that if Damian was allowed to butt in, they could too. “You can't just threaten us, we-”

“-were just approaching a couple to spew pointless hate, I know,” Marinette said, nodding as they bristled. “You've said your piece, I've listened to you as much as I'm going to, I think it's time for you to move on. Feel free to reach out to Adrien, my name is Marinette and my boyfriend here is Damian. If he wants to get back to you, he will tell you exactly what we have. So bye now.”

They looked like they might have argued for a while longer, but thankfully Kagami materialised and Marinette and Damian were able to leave. Marinette felt exhausted, her palms sweaty from the confrontation. Both Kagami and Damian stayed silent as they walked towards the exit, where Tomoe waited for them.

“Mother, thank you for waiting for us,” Kagami said as they approached the blind woman. “I was hoping to go with Marinette and Damian to do some light sparring this evening, and perhaps get dinner. Is that acceptable for you?”

“Yes, Kagami, that is acceptable. You performed adequately in your matches today, but additional practice would not go amiss. I shall expect you back at the hotel no later than 10pm,” Tomoe replied, before turning to the car that pulled up immediately after.

“Okay! So, we have two options, and they kind of depend on both of you. We could head on over to Wayne Enterprises, get Kagami a visitor's pass and use the gym there before going out to eat or, we could head on over to the manor for both,” Marinette explained, linking arms with Kagami.

“We may as well go to the manor, it is more comfortable and I have a wider array of blades,” Damian decided, leading the two women towards the car he had called for them. Surprisingly, Jason was in the front seat, not Alfred, but Marinette didn't miss a beat. “Thank you for picking us up, Todd.”

“No sweat, Demon Spawn,” Jason said easily. “So, what's the plan?”

“To Wayne Manor, please!” Marinette chirped from the back seat with Kagami. Jason rolled his eyes good-naturedly and pulled away from the curb. The women in the back chatted about their other friends, catching up on some of the latest goings on. When they pulled up to the manor, Damian opened the door for Marinette, offering her his hand to climb out.

They all made their way into the manor, stopping by the kitchen to let Alfred know that they would all be stopping for dinner. Marinette introduced Kagami before they finally went to the training room so that Kagami and Damian could spar. 

It was a quick bout, neither wasting time testing the other. Damian had the benefit of watching Kagami earlier in the day, but Kagami wasn't a recurring champion for no reason. The spar was fast paced and Marinette couldn't keep up with them. When they eventually rested, Damian looked flushed but pleased. Kagami barely seemed exerted, although Marinette could see the satisfied gleam in her eye.

“Thank you for sparring with me,” she said, offering a handshake to him. He accepted, inclining his head as he did so. “After consideration, I can confirm you are a worthy suitor for Mari-hime. Do not disappoint me, I will turn my blade upon you if I discover any mistreatment has occurred.”

“If Demon Spawn causes Pixie any grief, you're gonna have to get in line,” Jason called out, making Marinette groan aloud. “Sorry Pix, I don't make the rules. You know Babs would agree with me.”

“Yeah, well, Babs is overprotective,” Marinette grumbled, helping pack up the equipment that had been used. Damian smiled at her, squeezing her hand gently when they passed each other. “Anyway, it doesn't matter, because Damian and I are good at communicating.”

“Sure you are Pix,” Jason chortled, rolling his eyes. “Anyway, dinner should be any minute, let's head on down, yeah?”.

_ _ _

Dinner was a quiet affair, nearly everyone else being busy elsewhere. And when 9 o'clock came around, Tsurugi said her farewells, promising to see Marinette the following day after the matches. Once she was gone, Damian turned to Marinette and gestured for her to follow him.

“So, what do you want to do with the rest of our evening?” She asked, allowing him to pull her into his bedroom and closing the door behind. “I should probably get some sleep soon if we're going to be up in time for tomorrow's matches.”

“Perhaps you would join me for a film?” Damian pulled out a laptop and settled himself onto his bed. He grinned when she immediately cuddled up to him, her head resting on his shoulder. “I was unsure which film you would enjoy most, so I have a selection downloaded.”

“Hmm, I'm probably going to fall asleep, so maybe we can watch something I've seen before…” she went quiet as she scrolled through them. “Ooh! Have you ever seen 27 dresses? It's one of my all time favourites!”

“Then that is what we shall watch. I have patrol tonight, but I will be here for you in the morning, and I shall endeavour not to wake you when I return,” he said, kissing her forehead before starting the film.

It did not take long for Marinette to fall asleep, her breathing becoming slow and even when James Marsden picked up the personal planner in the back of the taxi. He left the film running for a few more minutes, but turned it off as he lay her properly into the bed. 

Slipping out of the room, he cast a last look back at her. His breath felt short when he watched her hair fanned out around her, chest rising and falling gently, and he looked forward to rejoining her. The door closed softly and he strode down the hall.

[tinyjordan]

so I actually finally finished my first playthrough of bg3 last night (except it was actually this morning because I beat the final boss at like 3 am) and I just wanted to share my experience. obviously there will be spoilers

so yes. it did take me like 2 months to finish the game, a lot longer than the average player. this was mostly because I was just really busy with school and shit and I've been playing on my parents tv, so I obviously didn't get too much time to myself to binge the game. but honestly, when I did get time to play through the game, I was honestly so overjoyed to just explore the world and do quests with my silly little guys.

imo my favorite act in the game is the first act, which from what I read, many people agree with me on this sentiment. that doesn't mean that I think that the other two acts weren't great, but I just think that act 1 had something special going on there. i loved how huge the first act was and just how much I could do in this act. i thought I finished this act having completed every quest (except those in the mountain pass because I didn't know that I could just go through both paths, which I don't know how I came to that conclusion in hindsight) but when reading and watching videos about bg3, I learned that there was a ton of stuff that I missed. I can't wait for my second playthrough (which will probably be my durge run) to experience more that I missed.

i don't know where to put this point in this essay thing, but the party after defeating the goblin camp. love it! this is where fanfictions are born. although you don't really get much when romancing gale in this party except the fact that he proclaims that he likes your stank in the most socially awkward but well meaning way. i thought this was funny.

oh yeah! also Lae'zel tried to have sex with me. we didn't, but I thought I might as well share that.

speaking of Lae'zel: the most underrated character in the game. i don't care. she is extremely wholesome despite our first introduction to her. in my playthrough, she was the one that got kidnapped by orin in act three. when I rescued her from orin, she was extremely sweet and thankful about it. she said something about the githyanki language not having a word for "thank you", and she tells the player the closest thing to it in her language. but even then she thought that wasn't a good enough way to express gratitude, so she said "thank you, sincerely." she's not my favorite companion, but my heart did swell in this moment

speaking of favorite companions-

astarion

ASTARION

yes I know that everyone reading this probably heard this a million times, but Astarion is such an amazing and well written character. this man is blorbo himself. i want to be his best friend. during my playthrough, my tav and Astarion had a sort of sibling like relationship: being on near opposite sides of the character archetype spectrum and disagreeing on a lot of things, but also being super protective over each other (we dislike Araj in this house). his whole story arc made me want to cry several times. i wish this game had a hug option for every companion so that I could hug everyone, ESPECIALLY Astarion. omg. OMG. when we defeated Cazador and Astarion stabbed him repeatedly, i cheered. i got him to not ascend and I cheered. like Karlach (who i also love and got me the closest to actually crying), i was so fucking proud of Astarion. i could talk about him all day but I think I would just stop there and resort to reblogging post about him for my own sanity.

when thinking of my opinion on Shadowheart, I remember that I didn't like her at all at first. it didn't help that she was racist against the githyanki. but after act 2 and pretty much always having her in my party as the main healer, she REALLY grew on me as a character. imo, I think she has one of the best character arcs and she really meshes well with the other companions. she's not a comic relief character at all, but every joke and sarcastic comment she makes is always a banger. she's my Tav's official best friend. also her act three glow up. that is all

oh also during Shadowheart's quest in act three, I met Viconia DeVir (who i killed) and I laughed my ass off because I ended up naming my Tav Viconia who when playing as her, she was like the EXACT opposite of the evil cult leader. there was definitely a "there can only be one" moment when killing her

I also feel that Wyll is pretty underrated character, which is disappointing since he is actually super interesting as a character. I mean he made a deal with a devil. like. c'mon. now I did sometimes get annoyed with his whole being a hero schtick, but also he's like the most sane character companion imo. i felt bad about him sulking alone at the after goblin killing party and I was tempted to ask him to dance to maybe cheer him up, but I also knew that this would probably lead to a romance with him, which I didn't really want. so I just let him be. i remember the impossible choice we had to make in act three (save Wyll's dad and sacrifice his freedom, or break the contract Wyll made with Mizora and let his dad die). This was actually a really difficult decision to make because like. it's either your dad or your freedom. it's literally an impossible choice to make. i decided to have Wyll be free of his contract with Mizora because I had hope that we could maybe find a loophole to this whole deal. WHICH THERE WAS. I had to undo a 5 whole hours of progress because of a bug with Duke Ravengard not spawning in the iron throne if you progress too much in the lower city before watching Gortash's coronation (which is entirely my fault for being awful at directions and not understanding very obvious instructions), BUT I DID IT. I saved Wyll's dad and had him free from Mizora's servitude! his friendship with Karlach is also extremely sweet. I love just how nice Wyll is. I think he's neat.

KARLACH! My favorite female companion! I was so excited when I was finally able to give her a hug. she's just so sweet and fun and as i said before she got me the closest to crying while playing the game. she almost made me cry not once, not twice, but THREE whole times. first time was of course when she was finally able to touch people. second was when we killed Gortash and she had a crisis about dying soon. third was when I thought she was actually going to die before Wyll offered that she come with him back avernus to kill all the devils (bless Wyll). she's also the number one funniest character in the game which juxtaposes the fact that she almost made ms cry the most amount of times.

speaking of crying, this game made me want to cry three separate times in one day. i made the mistake of playing through Shadowheart's and Astarion's quest on the same day then proceeding to kill Gortash, which you already know what happens after that.

After playing through the game, I agree that camp dad(dy) is the official term to describe Halsin. I'm not attracted to him in any since, so to me he is just dad, but I do agree with this sentiment. also goddamn he tall

Jaheira is the fun aunt of the group and I love her for that. she's a queen.

Minsc is himbo. I also realized that he always has something to say about everything we do, and I didn't realize that until when I talked to him one time and he was speaking of something we did like three quests ago and I had to keep talking to him until he was finally caught up with the current events. it was super hilarious

Also I love Boo! when Minsc introduced me to this space hamster I immediately feel in love with his tiny wittle paw awnd hwis wittle whiskews- also Boo had so much personality and I love him for that.

now. it is time to be down bad. Gale. my beloved. if you have seen the amount of posts and art that I reblog about him, you could probably tell that I am absolutely down bad for this man. I don't know when it started, but holy shit. this man got me kicking my legs and squealing like a little school girl. every romance scene with him got me down bad. he says just the sweetest things and I am on the floor dead from a heart attack. he proposed to me at the end of the game. i was happy :)

other points about Gale: he is super funny. every joke with him is hilarious. Mystra is a bitch. he gives dedicated history professor vibes. his camp outfit looks so comfy. he hates sneaking because his knees hate sneaking. he is best friends with his tressym named Tara, who he summoned NOT because of tressyms being known for being a great familiar, but because he wanted a friend. pleasure domes lol

i guess this is all to say that I love every companion in bg3

i believe I got the best ending (in terms of good or bad endings) in the game, and my hot take is that I actually love the ending of the game! i don't know what other people were talking about when they said it wasn't satisfying. the only critique I can give about the ending is that if you don't romance either Shadowheart or Astarion, you don't really know what happens to them after the events of the game other than they probably have a happy ending. other than that, great ending!

i will say that I do agree with most other people when they say that act 3 is maybe the weakest act in the game. not that it isn't a bad act. i just think it's unnecessary difficult even in explorer difficulty, which I did had to set it to because balanced wasn't cutting it for my smooth brain. i also had difficulty with trying to figure out what to do or where to go for a huge chunk of the act. and if it wasn't for a few helpful guides, I might have accidentally skipped a huge chunk of the quests and gotten a worse ending for a lot of my companions. also yeah. act 3 is extremely buggy. not unplayable buggy, but it did cause a lot of problems with my playthrough including me having to redo 5 hours of progress because of a bug

also fighting the githyanki at any point in the game starting from the end of act 2 is an absolute nightmare. how are a group of githyanki monks a more difficult fight than the literal god of death?

speaking of death, i love the dead three. i think they are amazing antagonists. my favorite with being Thorm. he is just so intimidating and he gave an amazing first impression. it helps that he is voiced by J.K. Simmons.

OH AND RAPHAEL! he is so theatre kid evil and that is amazing! best fight theme in the game. i saved the song on my Spotify before I even got to his fight because I heard it for the first time when I was kind of watching my brother play and I fell in love with the song.

i wish there was more to do in act 2, but in terms of story, it is extremely strong and the act is extremely spooky, which I love. i got scarred for life in the house of healing. though I think the biggest strength with act 2 is Shadowheart. she stole the show in act 2.

also Gale's act 2 romance scene hehe <3

Scratch best boy

Owl bear cub so adorable

oh! also when exploring the szarr palace, I found an owl bear plush and I immediately wanted it to be real. i immediately stole it because it is the best thing ever

i love this game so much! there is so much more I want to speak about, but then this would turn into a novel if I mentioned everything. I might make a post about my Tav later on, but that's for later. i already made a google doc about her profile, but there is so much more that I want to discuss about her outside that doc, so...maybe I can share the doc whenever and maybe let people send asks about the character and I can discuss more in detail stuff that wasn't mentioned

I'm probably gonna take a short break from playing bg3 since I still just want to think about the finale and I spent maybe 80 hours of gameplay on this one run (i say this one run because I have been playing a bit with my brother and friend)

afterwards I want to do a redeemed dark urge run. i might romance Astarion not because I see him in a romantic light, but because I really ship him with the durge thanks to all of the art I have seen

tldr; bg3 is amazing

[eva-does-their-best]

holy shit, i did not say trans men weren't affected at all by misogyny! i literally specifically stated that they do! just that we aren't AS affected. of course our GAAB affects us, but passing trans people exist, trans people who are seen and treated as their gender exist! the "material reality" is that trans women are treated worse (killed more, imprisoned more, paid less, etc) than trans men. you can separate "transmisogyny" into "transphobia" and "misogyny" but you cannot separate "transandrophobia" into "transphobia" and anything else, it doesn't describe an "intersection" of anything. but if you genuinely, sincerely believe that trans men are more impacted by misogyny than trans women, then you simply don't actually see trans women as women and trans men as men. and acting like i'm delusional for believing so is transphobic

Ok you're just... ugh i'm so tired.

You seem to have too simple of an idea of what man and woman mean and are, it's not a universal experience, it's affected by race, ethnicity, disability, sexuality, body type, and being trans.

Me saying that trans women do not experience the same kind or ammount of misoginy as women is not me saying that they are not women, it's me acknowledging that they are a specific subset of woman with a unique experience.

The same way trans men are a subset of men with their own experience.

Again, I don't give a fuck if you wanna just act like all women and all men are the same thing, call me transphobic if you want, I'm not gonna erase reality for someone else to feel ok when that just harms us all.

YEAH I DO BELIEVE TRANS MEN ARE IN GENERAL MORE IMPACTED BY MISOGINY, I WILL PROCLAIM IT OUT LOUD, A HIGH PERCENTAGE OF (NOT ALL) TRANS MEN ARE RAISED AS WOMEN AND TREATED AS WOMEN FOR MOST OF THEIR LIFE. AND MOST SYSTEMIC THINGS THAT MATERIALLY AFFECT WOMEN DO AFFECT TRANS MEN BECAUSE OF THEIR (USUAL) BODY REALITY.

Ohhh but cispassing peopleeee, right cause most people are cispassing right? Stop playing by the cis rules ffs no wonder people keep reinventing the binaries when y'all can't abstract yourselves from the fake-ass reality perisex cis people created.

Again, you're getting absorbed by your emotions and I don't want to indulge in your own self-satisfaction, slow down your thoughts. I'm done with your asks, new anon please, this one does not benefit from anything I may ever say.

[codyjey]

So, we're really still on this whole, "Roman is abuser, he abused his cousins" train, huh? You know, I'm really trying my best not to make this a racial issue, but a lot of you have been telling on yourselves and showing your true colors quite a lot ever since all this stuff with Cody and The Rock has gone down. Because I never white wrestlers who have played heel and whose characters have done way worse than what Roman has done get this level of criticism. Everyone gives them a pass. But I guess because Roman isn't a white man, that's why he doesn't get one and why everyone just loves to shit on him in general. I really just can't with people anymore.

okay first of all, where did I ever mention that he *abused" them in my post? second of all, sure there's a really bad racism problem in the wrestling fan base, just like there is in every fanbase but I don't think this is one of those cases. It's a storyline. there are other storylines where it was "abusive" relationships. (I put abusive in quotes because it's more manipultive than anything) . he was constantly convincing both Jimmy and jey to do whatever he wanted, and he still does that with solo and Jimmy! like if you have fucking eyes you would see thats just how the storyline is! it's manipulation, not abuse and I could agree that we need to be careful throwing around the word abuse in any context, fictional or not. and yes, wrestling has a racism problem but imo, this is not one of the problems. it's just people anylazing their storyline. I don't have any malicious intent with my words, and I sincerely hope anyone who does have bad intention when talking about this storyline gets mental fucking help and gets the hell away from me and everyone else. thanks.

[zanijxj]

pairings : bigby wolf x gn!reader

tags : fluff , stinky bigby , uh I don't know

summary : helping bigby groom himself !!

an : SOMEONE REQUESTED I SHOULD MAKE A FLUFF OR A SMUT FIC OF BIGBY BUT I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT !!! also hiii, i am so sorry if I haven't been posting for so long, i had a writers block and basically lost motivation to do anything. i sincerely apologise😭 sorry if this is inaccurate bigby, i haven't played twau in a while and my memory sucks. also sorry if this isnt smut, i kinda wanted to do fluff... (theres an unfinished bigby smut in my notes) ANOTHER APOLOGY!! sorry if this sucks because i just wrote this and it's currently 4am..

you've noticed bigby has been itching his chin alot, he was probably getting uncomfortable on how long his messy stubble is. bigby has been incredibly busy these past few weeks so his hygiene was... a mess. so you took it upon yourself and decided to help him.

bigby comes home exhausted, immediately sitting on the couch to relax... he didn't even realise you were sitting next to him. "oh fuck—" he flinches slightly. "I didn't see you there, bub.."

a frown forms on your face. "bigby... you stink."

he raises a brow. "i am?" he sniffs himself.. good god that stench. "fuck—"

────୨ৎ────

you forced bigby to take a bath, helping him wash his hair and his back, using your cherry blossom shampoo on him and your lovely soap so for once he'd smell nice. after that, you let bigby dry himself with a towel as you look for the razor.

"you're not going to shave all my stubble off, are you?" bigby chuckles, towel wrapped around his waist, his hair still soaking wet.

"oh, i will if you don't dry your hair and then get your ass on this chair." you threaten him.

he grumbles, drying his hair with a towel and sitting down on the chair infront of you. grabbing the cheap electric razor on the sink, turning it on. you gently hold bigby's chin, turning his head on an angle so you can start trimming his stubble. as you trim him, he looks at your face, admiring you.

your cheeks flushes as you feel his gaze. "don't stare..." you whisper, making him grin.

"and why shouldn't i?"

"it's distracting.."

finally, you were done. he checks himself on the mirror, satisfied at the results. "nice one, doll."

you smiled softly, putting the chair and the razor away. "thanks, bigby. I've also washed some of your clothes, they're probably dry by now so you can wear 'em."

he placed a hand at the back of your head, slowly pulling you closer to place a kiss on your forehead. "you're the best."

────୨ৎ────

bigby decided to have a drink at holly's bar, the trip trap bar. he was extremely stressed. but then grendell's ass started bitching at bigby, ranting about how much of an asshole bigby is... but then... "and that bitch [name] looking right pass me, then ushering me out the fuckin' door. who do they think they are to fuckin' kick me out?!" grendell groans.

the unbothered bigby suddenly whips his head to glare at the man, quickly standing up and walking towards grendell. "i wouldn't call them that." he growls, his hazel eyes turning bright yellow, hinting his transformation. "it's happened before and it doesn't end well."

a fight begun, both grendell and bigby transforming, beating the hell out of each others. bigby was clawing at grendell's back, and grendell was trying to shake him off. eventually, grendell threw bigby across the room, the wolf crashing down at the tables and chairs at the corner. "fuckin' pause!" grendell yells, panting.

bigby growls, sitting up from the floor and glared at the monster infront of him. "what?"

"why the fuck do you smell like flowers and shits?!—"

[inmontana]

“ 'm sure you'll get 'nother idea by tomorrow. don't you worry. i ain't rainin' on that parade of crazy o' yours none. ” he second he finds himself the sole bearer of her weight his arm falls to curl around the back of her waist. one hand intertwined with hers, like the spaces between his fingers couldn't possibly be meant for anyone damn else (and they haven't- BELONGED TO ANYONE DAMN ELSE), and the other resting in the crook where her thigh meets her hip, thumb drawing idle circles. “ don't i know it. ” he says through the permanence of grin. there aren't a lot of people who would call rip the smiling type of man. they wouldn't be wrong. he could shoot the shit with a whole lot of nothing going on behind his gaze. dangerous in more ways than he could ever be FUN OR LIGHT-HEARTED. but beth, she's a type of peace his heart sings along too. and he's not the singing type of man either. hell, too many nights have passed where he's stared up at those mountains and that low-hanging moon over the valley and thought the game of life might just finally be ready to eat him alive, but he's sure glad he's made it long enough to see this one. “ but be sure to tell me nice and slow next time anyway, alright? ” he flirts huskily. the hand by her thigh gives her a little squeeze.

something stirs inside of him. while beth's protective display of violence had been.. well, a real fucking nightmare in the moment- it brings about his own hardly state of the art protective nature. though it has nothing to do with his consideration of how well she can or cannot protect herself or even about what it means to defend what is so deeply his— and she is, his— rather he wants to protect this right here. what they have & what she is, and this side of her that the deepest, darkest and most sincere parts of his soul knows. THAT SOUND SHE MAKES? that's what rip wants to protect most of all. her happiness. he doesn't say as much, not really. but the way his lips move against her own and he revels in the closeness of their body heat speaks volumes all on its own. “ if this is cheatin', ” the words reverberate between the meeting of their mouths, “ then winnin' fairly's a poor man's game. ” his bank account might be about as weighed down by death as the spoiled bits of his vessel, but he's real rich in other ways.

      humour rolls her eyes at his gentle scolding, but his concern for her is warming. there's little in this world that beth can trust, she's never had to question rip. it imbues a sense of possessive pride in her, that she's his and he's hers. unmistakeable after the events of the night prior. there's something primal in her now that she wears his ring on her finger, undeniable proof of the forever beth has always dreamed of- what pleasant dreams she had were almost always about rip, and what life would be like to live it out with him at her side. 'spoil sport,' murmured under the cover of breath. shifting lightly on her feet, beth manoeuvred herself to turn just so, perching herself on his thigh so she can drop the skirt of her dress, replacing it quickly with his hand. she brushed her thumb over the callouses of his palm before sliding her fingers between his to link them. "good- don't go forgettin' that anytime soon. you only get'a tell me what to do when i let you." oh, but if that ain't the damnedest of lies she's ever told. words from his lips have more power over her than even her father's. he just hasn't realised it yet.

      "bastard's lucky i didn't bite him," she groused. too focused on the cali bitch who thought it a good idea to touch what wasn't hers. well, she learned her lesson, didn't she. expression softens at his insistent reminder, jade gaze fixing to his intense stare, and beth felt a stirring in her gut, and a warmth in her chest. her heart almost hurt with strong the beat when with him, the pace steady and true. god, she loves him. she wants to tell him, because the words are more difficult than the actions that speak them. she's said it before, in so many different ways, but the urge to tell him now, just like that, is almost overwhelming. that urge is temporarily struck by his cheek, and her mouth opens, eyes wide in fond outrage, snuffed quickly by the muffled yelp he swallows with his kiss. beth sighed, a stupidly happy sound in the back of her throat as she leaned all the way into him, releasing his hand to rest her own at his stomach. "-cheater," mumbled in the break meant to catch their breath. she gives him no opportunity to, kissing him back.

[rainybubbles]

How do COD men confess to you ?

Ghost, Soap, Price, Gaz, Alejandro

If you want more context here the part 1, and 2

G H O S T :

-At the end of your shift, he was waiting for you.

-And Max.

-Because Max was a cute puppy who stole his heart, but he would never tell a soul.

So yeah every day he wasn't on mission. He knew that at 10 pm, he will be at this little pet shop.

-Because he loved how your smile was appearing when you recognized him.

-He loved how you still joked about the ropes he bought or even how when he walked you back home, you were trying to go out of your way to make this walk longer by taking him to the little restaurant.

-This little restaurant, that you chose on purpose, because it has 4 fire escapes, and a perfect view on the outside.

-You knew him.

-And you didn't step back.

-Well in fact you didn't step back when he was just a creepy man who bought ropes at 3 AM, so he -sincerely doubts about your survival instinct.

-So yeah...

-But how did he confess, you're asking me ?

-Well, he didn't.

-Ghost has too many issues to open his heart like this.

-So you decided to make a moove.

-A classic move with a little declaration and a gift.

-Yeah.

.

.

.

-So you bought rope.

-Yeah.

-I know this doesn't sound good.

-It sounds even like the beginning of a horror story but wait.

-You decided to send him a package.

-And in this package you will put a rope tied in a heart form with a letter.

-Telling he took you heart in hostage and you would like him to keep it.

-...

-Seems weird, but it kinda fit your meeting, so it seems like a cute idea.

-Until three months passed and you had no news.

-Not even a letter.

-You didn't panic because sometimes his job was like this, he told you.

-But the problem was you had to move out.

-And even if he had your number, Ghost changed his phone regularly to prevent from some undercover shit.

-Besides your job at the pet shop, he couldn't contact you.

-So you tried to ignore your removal.

-But at the end of the fourth month, you had to admit this relationship will never had an end.

-And you mooved out of the country.

-A bittersweet ending.

-You felt like you were reading a fluff story but forgot to read the tag "hurt/no comfort".

-Shit.

-Maybe next time you should read the tag of your fucking love life.

-Like "a rope man will steal your heart" "angst" "sad ending" "slow burn" "fucking weird story" "not a happy fidelity card guy" "maybe he was into bondage but guess what ? We will never know lol"

-Maybe you were crying when you saw a rope in a DIY shop after this.

-Or not.

-Your dignity and ego will never recover from this memory. (neither did the sales assistant who was just here trying to help you)

-So you tried watching around, maybe the destiny would help you.

-Maybe a tall masked man will appear at your door at 2 PM, under the rain saying he has always loved you and....

-And you don't open the door for your own mom because you're too scared that she could be someone pretending she's your mom so you hoped he wouldn't do this.

-Yet two months after your removal, you had a call from your previous boss.

-You usually avoid calls, but you knew he wouldn't call you if it wasn't important.

-So you answered and...

-He was telling you a package with your name was delivered to him.

-And when you asked what was in it.

-He answered.

-"A fidelity card for rope, with a yes on it."

-You never smiled that hard.

-(Ghost found your new contacts thanks to Lasswell later, to confirm you both confessed to each other.)

S O A P :

-You had kept in touch.

-Through letters and some texts, when Soap was allowed to send them, you started to have a great friendship.

-But lately in the memes that Soap sent to you, you found a lot of references to the French girls in general.

-Firstly you didn't pay attention.

-Until that night.

-When you saw Titanic again with your parents.

-And it clicked.

-The French girls scene !

-By you stopped.

-Why would Soap make implicit reference to this ?

-Then again you remembered his drawings.

-He sent you some of them in his letters.

-When you get back to your home, you gathered them, looking if maybe he had made a portrait of you or had made a joke that you didn't see.

-But it was just random sketches.

-You stared at Ghost sketch eating an ice cream when you noticed something on his mask.

-He had a "W" on it.

-You searched through the sketches and...

-"U to the mow, I go you will" you said out loud after collecting the letters and tried to figure out what he wanted to say.

-And you tried to understand it.

-But except this fucking "mow" and "will"

-You didn't find any coherence in it.

-Did he want to ask you to mow his lawn in his garden ?

-But he didn't have a garden.

-And why a "U" and then a "You".

-Why, why Soap would even do this ?

-He was not the kinda guy that do this.

-"...I think I'm too stupid to find out this shit." you admitted.

-Well maybe your French girls scenes will not be romantic.

-So you texted him saying, you understood he sent you a message.

-But you didn't find how to translate it.

-And he texted you the answer.

-"Will you go out with me ?"

-...

-"Did Price give you the idea Soap ?" you answered.

-"Wait, you didn't answer."

-"Did Price give you the idea ?"

-"You think I couldn't be a romantic, love ?"

-"I think we're both too stupid to create a thing like this, love."

-"... it was L.T"

-"he...Ghost ?"

-"Yes."

-"...did he love titanic ?"

-"he had a collection about it."

-"...wow."

-"yeah."

-"To answer, yes, I would love too. But never ask again advice from Ghost, I don't want to end on an iceberg."

-"Yes, love."

P R I C E :

-Soap and Gaz with a broken arm led to your confession.

-They were both drunk and knew their captain had a thing for you, and it was reciprocated.

-Especially after Price offered you some chocolates to make clear he was interested in you.

-But nothing was happening.

-So with some scotch, and very bad ideas, Gaz and Soap decided that their time to shine had coming.

-They were the Cupids of the base.

-And what had Cupid ?

-Wings.

-If they used their wings to bring you from your office to Price at the bar, then he would be happy and more relaxed in this context, and maybe he will confess.

-Yes.

-Except.

-They didn't have wings.

-So when they jumped out from the roof.

-Their arms broke.

-And who was the doctor at the base ?

-You.

-You didn't go out because you were busy to treat their arms.

-"Maybe we need some bows next time." Soap whispered but it was more like he shouted in Gaz's ears.

-"And some white underwears! Cupid has that. I'm sure if we wore this, it will work for sure." Gaz answered.

-"And what about not jumping from the roof and not drinking that much, hmm ?" you asked.

-"Sssshhhh, we're in a confession plan right now. You can't stop us." Gaz said trying to put his finger on your mouth but ended up to do it on the wall next to you.

-"I'm calling Price to take you back to your bed, you're both too heavy for me."

-"We could walk."

-"It's not walking the problem Soap. It's where you could go."

-"hmm."

-So you called Price.

-The problem was he asked you why.

-Why did the boys jump out from the roof ?

-You blinked.

-He would know when he would come here.

-So you decided to gather some courage and-

-"They try to make us confess by bringing me to the bar with you. But they believe they were angels and could fly."

-The silence was so loud.

-He hung up.

-You sighed.

-Well at least, you said it.

-You didn't expect a yes, but at least an answer would be the minimum.

-When later, you heard a knock, you didn't make the effort to look up.

-You heard Price taking the boys to their beds and the door closing.

-But few minutes later, you heard a knock.

-Surprised, you stood up.

-Maybe someone else has drunk too much and-

-"John." You said surprised.

-"I intend to ask you out with some roses, and tomorrow but I guess two drunk soldiers with broken arms beat me."

-"The experienced strategist beat up ?" you joked.

-"I guess so. I'm sorry it was done like this, love."

-"I don't care honestly. As long as it's you asking me."

-He smiled and took your hand slowly.

-"Well, I can't wait for our first date, then."

-"'Hope Soap and Gaz will not be there."

-He laughed.

-"I can't promise that." he smiled.

G A Z :

-A meme.

-He sent you a meme.

-To confess.

-But you never answered him.

-And when he saw you, you never talked about it.

-So...he understood he was rejected.

-And he was okay with that, hell it was normal.

-He just thought it was reciprocated because you had what seems like dates with him.

-Maybe he mixed up signals.

-So he just never talked about it again, because he didn't want to make you feel awkward.

-But one day during lunch, he heard Soap talking with you.

-"So you got a new one, uh ?" Soap asked.

-"I didn't have the choice. His ass fucking destroyed the previous one."

-Gaz stared at the floor.

-He didn't know you had someone.

-Maybe that was because you never-

-"L.T has a cake, that's for sure." Soap joked.

-Gaz suffocated.

-You-

-And Ghost-

-And Ghost's ass-

-"That's not funny Soap. He fucking destroyed my phone just by sitting on it. It's not a cake. It's a fucking breeze block at this point."

-Your...

-Oh.

-oh.

-FUCK.

-He realized.

-You didn't ignore him.

-You hadn't see his message.

-"How does it happen ?" he asked to be sure of his conclusion.

-"I just let my phone on a bench, and he sat without looking, that's it. But because his ass is apparently more solid that my relationship with my father, or even the fucking Vivelle dop gel, he broke it."

-"Fuckin' hell". Gaz said

-"You can say that again. Why are you asking, by the way ?"

-"I sent you a text and you never answer, so I was wondering why."

-"Now you know. But I will answer, I manage to transfer my data and texts on my new phone."

-Gaz didn't feel well now.

-Soap was here.

-And your phone in your hand.

-Meaning he will see your reaction in live and with a public.

-Like he was on the set of a TV show. But here he could gain your heart and not $100,000.

-But you didn't say anything, neither did open it.

-You just sit and talked with him and Soap like it was not important.

-Because of course you couldn't know what was his text.

-So he waited.

-All the day, for you to open this fucking meme.

-To see it.

-And at midnight.

-He received a Mister Worlwide saying yes.

-Never he was so happy to see this bald head

A L E J A N D R O :

-He had everything planned.

-The moment, the place.

-It was going to be a big thing.

-He talked Rudy about it and even the 1-4-1 during a mission.

-Because Soap teased him about you.

-So he explained how he was going to ask you out and-

-Laswell stopped him.

-Their communications were not over.

-She heard everything

-And when Laswell ordered you to tell the location to Price

-He understood you were on their mission as a technician, and you heard all of it.

-The only thing that could kill Alejandro is Alejandro after all, right ?

-Even when it was dying of embarrassment.

-He mumbled some insults in Spanish and tried to hold his head high.

-He had everything planned, and just a microphone ruined this ?

-No,no, no, no he refused.

-He met you because of those mics, how they dare to betray him like that ?

-He ignored this and finished the mission.

-But on the way back, he heard your voice.

-"Good job guys. By the way I would love going on a date with you, Ale. If you needed to know after...this."

-You know the smile he did, when they interrogate Valeria ?

-It was one hundred brighter right now in the car.

-Soap even wore sunglasses to protect his eyes.

-Alejandro was so fucking happy.

-Maybe he did not hate the mics.

-Even though he's persuaded that someone hacked them this particular day.

___

If you want more : here.

I'm sorry that it took so long to post this part, but when I posted another COD about how you meet Farah, Alex and Konig I had a comment saying it was shit.

And I know my English sucks, so I deleted it and hesitated to write again..

Maybe I need some readers to help me, or maybe this comment was just hateful, I don't know.

In any case, sorry for the mistakes, English is not my first language !

[loadedberetta]

the CoD boys react - !SO Reader being pregnant

rating: M

warning/content: general pregnancy stuff; description of pregnancy pain and birth; fluff; female Reader

[series with random headcanons about specific situations involving the reader and how CoD characters would react to them; mostly the 141, but Alejandro and Rudy, Laswell, Farah, König, and others will make appearances too]

other parts: [tattoo] [knife tricks] [drawing] [coming soon]

find me on ao3 // MASTERLIST

Ghost

"you're not doing [blank] alone."

will fight God if that's what it takes; let it be the groceries or ordering a new couch

found out by sheer intuition; you were bummed that you didn't get to do a little surprise but he assured you that the news made him the happiest man alive and you sincerely believed him;

how exactly? that man knows his shit; you being groggy in the morning? not taking a sip of his beer when watching telly at night? he's got it figured out

doesn't really know how to prep but is too shy to ask you anything so you just find him passed out on the couch every now and then with his laptop glowing at him with "how to build a crib" or "baby sign language" when you can't even tell the baby's gender yet

it took you a week to convince him that you indeed can go to the bathroom alone

tries the more laid-back cravings and doesn't like them; never forgets to ask you about the latest one when you're grocery shopping

is occupied when you go and check for the gender of the baby; you call him from the parking lot with the news; you don't often hear Simon cry but he did that day

calls the baby bug and bezzie, mumbling at your stomach

looks up how to relieve pain with that tummy-lifting technique when your bump grows larger and larger

holds your hand and remains grounded for the entirety of the birth

becomes a very shallow sleeper; the baby stirs and he's at their feet looking over their tiny little body for any sign of distress

Soap

"it's mine, right?"

will go to the ends of the world to get you a pregnancy pillow, but only in the color he likes too

found out on accident; you didn't mind. he came into the bathroom to brush his teeth one morning and found you slouched by the wall, tears of joy in your eyes

insists on picking clothes super early on and revives any old contact of his to get a special baby carrier or a bottle boiler he heard about once

will not shut up about it

tries every single one of your cravings and actually ends up liking some of them

gender reveal party

laddie or lassie depending on the baby's gender, accompanied by approx. 400,000 kisses to your belly daily

gets you all kinds of tape for your growing belly and applies them himself

almost faints during the birth but can't stay away from you

the first time you wake up the next time after your well-deserved rest, he's talking to a nurse while gently cradling the baby; he's a dream dad, who seems to take on the role immediately

Gaz

"what's this… you have to be fucking kidding me this is the best fucking day of my life, babe. can the baby hear me? shit. shit. uhhhh--"

you planned a little party and hid the test in a box to surprise him; it went perfectly, everyone cried

absolutely showers you with stuff he noticed on a shelf at a store that the baby wouldn't likely use until 12 or even 24 months old

"thought you'd like it" is the new most popular word in the household

you get don't touch a single piece of cleaning equipment or dirty dish in the house for nine months

you could get used to this

tries spicing up your cravings; plating them nicely or adding something new

never shuts up about how he used to babysit and will therefore make a good dad

"I just want a happy healthy baby the gender matters the least" he kisses you on your forehead as you open the envelope containing the papers on the couch

tells the baby about the happy family they'll be born into and sometimes mumbles names at your belly as if testing which one fits them best; he looks up at you for approval each time

goes with you to pregnant yoga classes to see how he can help you practice with you at home when the baby in your tummy grows bigger

cries with you during birth

his hand is always by the side of the crib in the hospital

Price

"wh- you? c'mere, love. really?"

touches touches and more touches, is glued to your side from the day he finds out; you're not allowed to lift anything

is very self-conscious about everything; helps out wherever he can, you have to put him down each time

you get into arguments about this but he always downplays it with a little teasing that always eases the mood and you can't help but adore the stressful old man he is

tries to quit smoking but he only resettles on the balcony/porch/out-the-window technique; even more so when you're in his proximity

keeps notes of all your cravings

becomes a fridge organizer and buys healthy food only

talks to the baby so much calls your stomach the most adorable names ever

asks you not to find out the gender of the baby until birth

expert massage therapist for when your belly becomes too heavy; pressure points you name it he knows how to relieve pain

his one hand is getting shattered in your fist, and his other is smoothing over your hair constantly during birth

a little afraid to hold the baby on his own at first, but gradually warms up to the idea, and bath time becomes his favorite

Alejandro

"mi corazón, we get to be parents?! I love you so much, I--"

his mother knew first and lead him to guess for himself while you were out of earshot in another room; he came in and swooped you up to pepper kisses all over you

your phone bill is through the roof: he calls up every abuela and uncle he can for tips, even sits down with his baby nieces and nephews to ask them what they like for breakfast and stuff

sings to your stomach in his low baritone

gets the baby a little golden necklace; it's a gift in the family

you inherit SO MANY kids' clothes; you feel like you never have to buy a piece of diaper again; nor a blanket

you go through a list of old wives' tales about finding out the gender, but you end up waiting until the birth

will try to home-cook all your cravings: make pickles or banana ice cream from scratch

tries (and succeeds) to remedy your pregnancy pains; herbs, physio, he's got it all

he knows what he's doing or he's just a natural; birth never seemed so quick and easy with him by your side

you catch him the first time humming to the baby in the hospital, while gently rocking the little one

Rudy

"you missed your period. wait, you missed your period?? test, test now, mi alma"

he ushers you in the bathroom and waits outside on the bed, thrumming his fingers against the soft bedding

is the happiest fucking thing when you let him in and he notices a faint crossing line on the test immediately

get ready for nine months of non-ending praise

has a new nickname for the baby every day

plays music to your bump nonstop

loves, I mean LOVES pregnant you; every inch of your body, your plump breasts, your growing tummy, the stretch marks on your skin, name it he's a sucker for it

the two of you go to the doctor together to find out the baby's gender and he's already crying in the parking lot before you go in

looks up non-spicy/pregnancy-safe versions of everyday dishes and makes them for you no questions asked

ends up inheriting your pregnancy pillow after you give birth, and takes it to the base for when he has to sleep without you; seriously, it smells like pregnant you what could be better

he talks you through the birth, his voice is calm and grounding

talks to the baby in a hushed voice whenever he can; smiles at you every time the little one makes a face during

König

"are you sure?"

you sat him down and told him plainly the moment he came home from deployment; he laugh-cries and hugs you for hours on end after

if you thought he was the biggest cuddlebug-snugglebear already, you're deeply mistaken

talks to your stomach in German; gives the baby 2-3 little nicknames you can't quite catch

will not leave you alone; becomes a bigger, more deadly baby

when I tell you he's protective--

pretends to like the taste of your cravings; he truly likes the fact that he can make you happy with a jar of pickles he got from the local farmers' market

little trinkets for the win; binkie-shaped keychain, baby spoon with Biene Maya on it…

waits for you to tell him the baby's gender

more stressed than you during the birth; manages to hide it

settles on one of the nicknames he already tried and calls the baby that; also afraid to hold the little one because according to him the baby would get lost in his arms

[partyanimal167]

The Hot Neighbor- Zoro x F!Readee

I saw this art on tiktok and kept enjoying this little idea in my head. It's pretty simple and cutesy.

CW: fluff, suggestive, modern au

You really didn't believe someone could be so dense. But then again, this was working in your favor.

Your neighbor was not like what you expected to be when you first moved into your new apartment.

You had just finished moving the last box inside and was sipping your water in the Sun by the moving truck. It was a nice summer day, and you wanted to enjoy the weather before you went inside and hyperfixated on unpacking.

You looked up to see one of the most gorgeous men you've ever seen.

Sweat dripped down his face and some of his green hair was slick on his skin. He was totally sweating through his green hoodie, and you wondered what type of workout he was doing. His gray sweatpants slightly hung low on his hips, so there was a peek of skin you could see. You caught yourself eyeing the man and blushed when you two made eye contact. He nodded in your direction as he passed by and you weakly returned the gesture. If that was what you got see every now and then, you definitely chose the right place.

...

The next time you see the man was when you heard someone roughly jiggling your door handle as if they were going to break it.

You cautiously approached your front door with a skillet in your nondominant hand. You peeked into the peephole and was surprised to see the handsome man looking annoyed.

"Oi Luffy! Let me in!"

You were confused but seemed to understand there was some type of misunderstanding here. You opened the door a bit and stepped to the side. "Uh, I think you might have the wrong apartment."

For a moment, there was a surprised look on his face before he grumbled. "Shit, not again." He apologized sincerely and even though you had no idea how someone doesn't know where they live, he seemed nice. You exchanged names and goodbyes. You giggled mentally as your eyes lowered, watching him walk away. Let, right, left, right.

~~~

Zoro turned out to be a unique character who you got to know more through him randomly popping at your door and seeing him on his daily runs. You still had no idea which apartment was his, but you assumed he was at least in the same building as you.

There were times when he lost his key and his roommate wasn't home, so he did end up at your place purposefully to hang out. His company was pleasant, and you two typically watched a show while drinking.

After months, you figured he was going to catch onto you ogling him, but if he did, he never said anything. You knew there were some things that weren't really important to him, so you felt fine enjoying the eye-candy.

It was another tv night, so you had gone to the kitchen to grab your favorite snacks. As you grabbed a bowl, you heard a muttered cuss from you companion. You continued on getting ready and turned to leave.

You froze right in your tracks.

You always wondered what muscles were sculpted and hiding under his clothes, and for whatever reason, they were right in your view as Zoro leaned both arms on the wall as he blocked the exit. He looked down at you lazily.

"Oi y/n, I spilled my drink. Got anything I could wear?"

You brain was short-circuiting as you stared blankly at his chest and how big he seemed taking up all that space. You heard his question, but other more inappropriate thoughts were flooding your mind. You took a deep breath and smiled innocently. "Oh yeah, uh, sure." you took a step forward, but Zoro didn't move at all. "What is it?"

Zoro grinned at you before moving aside. "Nothing." You walked passed him and couldn't help feeling his gaze on you.

You rushed to place the snacks on the coffee table before going to your room hoping to find something that would fit the man. You were trying to stop your mind from going absolutely feral. There was something mischievous in Zoro's glance that you hadn't seen before. Your face warmed as you finally pulled out a large sweatshirt. You turned just as Zoro arrived in your doorway--taking up space again. You handed him the shirt.

"Din't think you'd have anything in my size."

You shrugged. "It belonged to my ex. Still might be a little snug." Zoro as halfway through putting the shirt on before he reversed it and tossed it on your bed. "Hey! What's wrong?"

"Tch, I'm not wearing anything your shitty ex wore." Zoro grunted.

You rolled your eyes. "What else are you going to wear? Besides, I'm over them. It's whatever."

"I rather stay like this."

You looked at him blankly then at his chest and up again. "Absolutely not."

"Why not?" He grumbled.

~~~

Seriously, how dense could this guy be? You shook your head and pointed at the shirt. "Now." You enjoyed as the man reluctantly clothed himself and how the shirt clung like a second skin--big chest rising and falling dramatically with each breath. "Okay let's finish our show."

You walked passed him and squealed as Zoro pulled you against his back and rested his head on your shoulder. He chuckled as he gently held your hips. "How about you let me take this off, so you can really check out the merchandise."

Thanks for reading!