#sincerely fuck the wiki writers.

[thagantm]

We’re at the ‘Jonathan beating the shit out of Steve’ part of our s1 rewatch and lo and behold . . . Tommy tries to help but Steve explicitly tells him to stay out of it.

[cheeserobin]

Suren Darga deserved better 2.0

clarification: this post is resubmitted because I had already touched this same topic in Spanish, everything is original.

WARNING: English is not my first language, I am sorry for any spelling mistakes that may appear below.

Any DC fan or Damian fan knows the joke about DC forgetting their friends, which is sadly funny. Luckily that's what we ( the fandom ) are here for, to not let characters with potential be forgotten thanks to evil editors.

Now what happened to Suren Darga?. I'm not kidding when I say that the kid seems to have been left in a giant void for everyone after his last appearance, because his wiki the only thing it says about him is this:

"Suren Darga is the son of Den Darga and the prince of the Lu'un Darga."

And I'm not exaggerating

And they also put him as “Supervillain”, ok.

Suren was forgotten and I have a feeling that wasn't the idea mainly, not only because he has a whole interesting past that should have been seen but also his team, trio or whatever he may have had with Maya and Damian looked so…real. They were going to be even if it was allies and great friends.

Plus after his end of the world disaster, showing his very fucked up daddy issues and receiving possibly the most painful punch in the face of his life.

He was to have a long, but sincere arc of redemption.

And let's not forget that Suren at the time helped Damian's development as much as Damian helped Suren's development. He and Maya changed for the better thanks to the fifth Robin in that same comic.

Maya was going to follow her father's path of blood, having Damian as her first victim as revenge. Luckily for both of them, Damian proved that he changed and that she could do it too, preventing her from getting her hands dirty like her father and becoming his older sister.

And I think Suren goes one step further. Maya herself says: “Man, you guys have so much in common”.

Suren was going to do the end of the world to give honor to his family, but also for the infinite and pure love of a child that he had for his father, but Robin knowing that feeling of hunger for affection and family understanding stopped him making him see that there are simply shitty parents who do more harm than good. That he knew what that was like and that he should let go of that toxic environment before he became something worse. They were so alike that Robin just couldn't leave him alone.

In short, I apply the “AMIGA DATE CUENTA” (FRIEND BE AWARE).

And I think for Damian's development it felt good for him to help these characters who were in a dark place like he once was to realize that he really became a better person who wanted to help others unconditionally. that that R of redemption in his chest was for something and worth his effort.

But this does not end happily for Suren. We never knew if he really moved away from the shadow of his family and to forge his own story or if he is still in contact with his only friends until now and if we go further, is he still alive? The worst part of this is that the writers/publishers would have no excuse to leave him behind saying “He's not an interesting character” since his origin story, coming back from the dead which could have caused him another trauma and conflict and his VERY GENIUS connection with magic do make him interesting, VERY interesting.

But DC doesn't agree with that, so the last we have of this kid is this panel of him smiling going on a new adventure, an adventure we never saw come to light.

“It NEVER ends” how funny.

[davekat-sucks]

agreed completely with last anon. i think the problem is, or at least what could have caused all of these misunderstandings and miscommunications, is that the truth is that Hussie has never been really good at writing character arcs, what he IS good at is at writing memorable characters with unique voices and visually appealing simple designs. and that's because, technically, he somewhat stole them from other media or started from referencing character tropes from old movies, homestuck has always been a mix of many different 80-90s media. so for example, the humans are stereotypical movie/comic characters (john= dorky nerd protag, dave = cool best friend, rose = snarky goth, jade = girl next door), and that's what makes the audience instantly like them, because they are familiar, but, at the time, modernized in a way that was actually entertaining with in-depth interests, different viewpoints, and funny chemistry. it's all that has worked for years concentrated in an easy to digest mold that gave it the potential to be something more than usual. and yet, john, jade and rose had ZERO character growth, dave had negative and became a fucking douchebag, and these four don't even act like friends anymore by the end of the story. what the fuck.

it also happened with the trolls, because as i said before, how did the "chosen one" character that was said to be caring and the second coming of christ ended up as admiring the tyrannical ruler that genocided his race and did nothing afterwards except be dave's sidepiece and never talking to his friends again. who the fuck would like that for a conclusion to his story? there is nothing satisfying about it, why should i now be invested in Karkat in hs2, if he is a bad friend with bad morals that ends up amounting to nothing? Hussie wrote that i shouldn't, that's what i get for assuming real people have character arcs, karkat was never meant to be a leader, but sea hitler jr, meenah, sure was.

that's what makes it unlikable and what causes disconnect between fans. he subverted not only the trope, but also the little character building he himself wrote, and ended up with confusing themes. he didn't do the hard job of keeping a consistent structured plot until the end, he just applied twists as convenient to act smugly cynical about it afterwards, like he's allergic to sincerity. you also see this with how he treated johnrose/davejade or karezi, or how he says davekat and now june were always meant to happen all along.

and so, what some fans like about karkat or dave, for example, is not what they actually achieved or did in the source story, because they ended up with nothing and also their wiki page was too long to read, but the fandom idealization of them. and that's how you get the wildly ooc dialogue you see in hs2, the writers see nothing wrong with this, dont understand how to separate their personal bias from these characters or what was actually appealing about them in the first place, and what we end up with are projections of who THEY would like to see in a story: characters that act like the writers themselves. hollow self-centered assholes with no sense of humour disconnected from reality that communicate via twitter memes, therapy speak, and the trendy political issue of the day, all so they can pat each other on the back and feel better about amounting to very little in life too, now with semi-canonical homestuck facepaint on.

sorry for the armchair psychology, but my conclusion is, what closure i try to give myself from this shitpile of a franchise, is to view it as a cautionary tale of caving to social pressure and treating people that find value in your work like shit. homestuck ended in a very unsatisfying way for many, and it continues to get worse because it's easier to call someone a bigot and double down on your beliefs than concede you made a mistake, wasted so much time and have no idea how to fix it.

Yes to everything said here! Say it loud for everyone to hear! I dislike when Hussie or people use the excuse that he was just SUBVERTING expectations. Not questioning on why even built it up in the first place if it meant NOTHING at all. It's a complete waste of time. And not in an ironic sense. A waste of time and emotion audiences felt before being slapped in the face and kicked in the balls for even caring. Like, I know Hussie is known for trolling. He made himself as this asshole-but-likeable persona for some time even prior to Homestuck. Sadly, this is probably one of the few times it wouldn't have worked if it means damaging your reputation in the long run. And I don't mean the edge humor he throws into the comic. I mean the treatment towards his fans where there's not much genuine sincerity and it's all asshole mode that it's hard to tell if it's joking or truly being hostile. He could have said he would like to be left alone, but perhaps pride and fame got in the way for him to say that. Even when it was the large amount of fans that made him feel pressured in the first place. I don't know how James or anyone in the team can really fix this mess without addressing problems people had with the series overtime. And not just stuff from Epilogues or Homestuck^2, but address things that were never answered or felt anticlimactic from the base webcomic.

[serendertothesquad]

Seren's Studies: Odd Squad UK -- "Bad-Luck-itis" Episode Followup, Part 1

Lol they spelled it grammatically incorrect on the title card. Which I wasn't alerted to until someone on the Wiki pointed it out to me. Rest assured, people, I didn't ace English in school to spell it without a double hyphen.

Round 3 of Ozzie is a Very Silly Germ Carrier has arrived! This time, he develops Bad-Luck-itis, and...well, ladies and gents, it's this series'/season's "find the cure" episode. We all knew it was coming. The question, then, is if it's actually any good. "Into the Odd Woods" from Odd Squad Mobile Unit was interesting enough, so let's hope this episode delivers the same kind of punch.

Let's dive below the break!

Putting aside that there is apparently a snack cart that comes through every once in a while...because, y'know...London Underground...

Your writer for this episode. He has...absolutely no repertoire aside from this one episode, which I'm already immediately wary of. Some of the Season 3 writers at least had some experience to back themselves up. This guy? Diddly-piddly squat.

Oh Lord help me.

"Of course she wants free chips. It's chips, for free!"

"...Isn't it 'pie and chips'?"

"Mm, no, I don't have any pie, sorry."

(Congratulations! If you get this reference, you're qualified for a veteran's discount.)

Four episodes in and Orli hasn't brushed up on her British English, clearly.

She'll be scratching her head about crisps vs. chips for a while.

Is...do I need to get my eyes checked or is that a T-shirt Ozzie is weari- okay, it's not a shirt. Had to skip another second. Not a T-shirt.

That being said, agents having their jackets open is a pretty rare sight. If you recall, the Mobile Unit never had their jackets open. Olympia and Otis had them off...once? As did Olive and Otto.

And this is in a different context, too. The man's sick here, but everywhere else, jackets are open to signify "fuck you, I'm talkin' business".

He's...he's got a fucking backpack...like...like school but it's...it's for work...

This isn't even the one Academy students have. This is toyetic, but the irony is that these backpacks, as far as I can tell, are not merch.

Great, now I have someone I can actually blame for the high rate of black cats in animal shelters.

Every single writer who had a hand in this fucking episode.

Seriously, we've had broken mirrors before...upside-down horseshoes...take your pick of bad luck charms, but don't perpetuate a very serious problem that exists worldwide, you fucking assholes.

Sincerely, someone who worked in animal shelters and once owned a black cat. (Rest in peace, Jasmine.)

"You walk under any ladders?"

"About 100 of 'em!"

Okay, Britain is a huge place. So is the UK. But to have about 100 people working on stuff that requires ladders, when Ozzie and other agents would normally take the tubes to work, is some massive bullshit.

So you have to push forward a myth to make cats suffer, you have to look ugly enough, and you have to have half of your town's population be coincidentally working on outdoor projects to contract Bad-Luck-itis.

Remember when life was simpler and all you needed was an unlucky coin? I remember. That was nice. Now we have this convoluted shit.

I see not even Captain O has lost the insta-teleportation abilities that nearly every other Director in this franchise has.

Okay, so I doubt they'll bring it up here, but...apparently Osgood is a medic as well as a chef.

And so I feel the need to ask: why does this precinct not have Doctors or Nurses, and what sadistic ass-backwards shit is that?

"...Will it kill me?"

"No, it will not kill you. Unless you wait five minutes."

"Well, shit."

Clearly, unlike in the days of Season 1 and Season 2, they couldn't afford the "lemme smash" treatment for computers.

So they removed it from Ozzie's desk to break it without anything of value being lost.

Which...makes no sense, but shit's expensive nowadays, people.

Hey, that's...not pink. Why's he got orange on him? Food and Beverage department is not orange, Rob, and if you watched Odd Squad you'd get it right the first time.

"A blade of magical grass", but...they did that already in Season 2.

0/10. Only a quarter in and I pity the fool that is Rob.

Smart people say this is like Logan the Ogre.

Wise people say this is genderbent aged-up Willow from The Owl House.

"And if you pick the wrong one, it'll turn you to stone!"

Something something Guardian of the Rocks can fix that shit.

And you can tell it's magical! It glows. Oooooooh.

So we somehow went from a Bed Room, to a Pillow Room, to a Snuggly Pillow Room.

And let's be honest, there is no distinction between the two. Not a one.

That aside, 0/10, already a bad idea to yote Ozzie in there. Put the man in a non-Acme safe and we'll be talkin'.

...I take that back. That's not a Snuggly Pillow Room. That's a fucking psych ward room. Have you ever seen the walls of that shit? It looks like pillows, but it's not pillows!

I was half-expecting him to scream in it, but really I just wanna see how many people's he's killed by pillow-smothering.

I'm sorry, I know that snuggling a pillow and sleeping with one are not mutually exclusive, but...is Orwell straight-up telling Ozzie to sleep through the illness he has?

That's not how this works, sir! That's not how any of this works! Especially not in the Oddverse!

Huh, and speak of the devil...here's the Guardian of the Rocks' wife.

...Ex-wife. They're divorced. Nasty spat over rock soup. Typical couple things.

"She reminds me a lot of the Guardian of the-"

"Rocks?"

"Uh...no. The Guardian of the Glade. Who's the Guardian of the Rocks?"

"..."

"Osgood?"

"Yeah, bad news..."

Okay, new headcanon: she's married or was married to the Guardian of the Rocks, and raised a son who became the Guardian of the Glade.

Headcanon accepted. Now make it canon, Rob.

If even Orli can guess the schtick halfway in, that's how you know you're trapped watching a hellish episode.

...ROB.

Hey, remember when the Odd Squadcast had an episode specifically about badges and their evolution, and included what they used to weigh?

I remember.

...FUCKING ROB.

I see someone's taking their cues from Hilda.

Orwell, you poor fuck-schmuck.

(Also, a bit of an audio-balancing error -- Orwell sounds a bit muffled on the first line, but when shoving Ozzie into the room, his voice sounds clearer.)

Behold, one of the very few times Orwell emotes.

And now I'm wondering why the actor was cast for a stoic character, because look at these cartoony-ass expressions!

Ohhhhhh so this was from an upcoming episode too, huh?

Honestly, there's been lots of speculation about the second scene with the octopus-like creature being part of the series/season finale, and if that's the case, I'm gonna die laughing because of the absurd episode gap.

(On to Part 2!)

[whining-ylthin]

“Oh, cool, the Heresy is finally coming to an end--”

“what the fuck do you mean VOLUME FUCKING ONE”

(they might as well announce five billion Scouring novels already, I’m basically settled on not reading the Heresy outside of novels that have anything to do with the Legions I like - TSons, Iron Warriors, White Scars - or have tangential interest in - Space Wolves - because any hope for quality writing I might have had has been murdered by “False Gods”)

[soleminisanction]

Justice for Jordanna Spence

I am well aware that I am one of maybe three people in the entire world who gives a damn about this character, but I've been mad about her for thirteen years and also I am currently sick and needed the outlet so just, let me have this.

This is Jordanna Spence.

Jordanna is a supporting character in the 2009 run of Batgirl written by Smallville writer Bryan Q. Miller and starring Stephanie Brown.

Specifically, Jordanna is part of the extremely half-assed attempt to give Stephanie a civilian life outside of being Batgirl, which is one of the most unbearable parts of the entire damn book because Stephanie spends literally all of these scenes whining and complaining about how much she hates pretending to be normal.

(This is an entirely other rant but for fuck's sake girl, if you don't want to go to college, just don't go. You came back from the dead something like last month, I don't think your mother is going to begrudge you a fucking gap year.)

Anyway. Jordanna is one of Stephanie's civilian classmates at the much-disparaged Gotham University, and she is also the primary reason why anyone claiming this book is feminist should be laughed out of the room.

TL;DR - Jordanna exists purely to be The Other Girl that Stephanie Isn't Like, so that Stephanie has someone to belittle, bully and slut-shame to show off how much better she is than Normal Women, who are dumb enough to enjoy things like sororities and wearing pink.

Don't believe me? I have receipts. I've placed them under the cut to save people's dashes, because this is going to be a long one.

We're first introduced to Jordanna in issue 2, during an incredibly forced expositional lecture that makes less sense the more you think about it, starting with the fact that it's explicitly listed as Philosophy 480 despite otherwise being written a required entry-level freshman seminar.

(400 level classes are pre-graduation courses for seniors, most often restricted to those on track to graduate with a major in the subject in question. 480 level classes are usually introductions to grad school. Even if the implication was supposed to be that Steph is genius who skipped a bunch of credits, a 400-level philosophy course wouldn't be covering basic morality like this in a huge lecture hall.

All of Stephanie's classes are numbered like this, it really goes to show how lazy Miller and his editors were being at the time. That and the blatant typo -- the place they're talking about is called Devil's Square.)

That's Jordanna in front, next to her asshole friend Xander Francisco and Stephanie herself. Now, I have had many people, including the (uck) Stephanie Brown wiki, insist to me that this moment is Stephanie "heroically standing up for Her Fellow Poors against Vapid Rich Bitch Jordanna."

And that’s clearly how the narrative wants us to take it too, as everyone stares like she’s said something Shocking and it’s framed with these captions that boil down to, “Ghasp! I am so very passionate and emotional about this! How embarrassing to show off how sincere and compassionate I am!”

But there's a few problems with that.

First of all, we never actually get any proof that Jordanna is rich. The most we ever get is one thing that she says in this issue, and the fact that she's in a sorority. A sorority at a shitty inner-city university that everyone from the students to the faculty badmouths for being a shithole every chance they get.

Second -- and this is something Miller himself desperately needed to hear -- Stephanie Brown is not fucking poor. She is, at worst, a middle-class white girl from the suburbs. The idea that she's poor comes from a mix of people desperately needing her to be an underdog, and cultural stereotypes deriving from the fact that her mother is a drug addict and her father is a criminal -- stereotypes which, of course, completely ignore the fact that plenty of criminals and drug addicts live in the suburbs too, especially when they're white.

Despite her name, Crystal Brown is not some meth-addicted crack head, she's a working nurse who got her doctor friends to write her scripts for opiates. And Arthur Brown isn't some run-of-the-mill crook, he's a supervillain who runs his own gang, never seems to need money for his elaborate schemes and, prior to turning to crime, was a minor celebrity who hosted a game show.

Stephanie is not fucking poor.

Third, and most pressing of all -- go back and actually read the dialogue in those panels. Ignore Steph's internal monologue and focus on what is actually being said.

See a problem?

Yeah. Stephanie's big "heart on her sleeve" moment is literally just saying exactly the same thing as Jordanna.

Keep in mind, the question being asked here is not, "Why don't people just move out of Flint, Michigan?" it's explicitly "Why do criminals keep returning to an area under martial law?"

Jordanna is completely right. Practically speaking, the criminals' choices in this situation are a) run to the war zone and be free or b) come back and go to jail, which isn't a choice at all. So Stephanie butting in here with her "bUt WHat iF tHeY dOn'T hAvE a CHoiCE?!" is just her taking the words out of Jordanna's mouth and then pretending she said something profound

And just to make everything worse, when Steph can't follow up on that argument, she makes this joke to "break the tension."

First time I read this, my jaw fucking dropped.

For anyone blissfully unaware, the American public school system ties its funding directly to local property taxes, resulting in schools from more prosperous neighborhoods being much better off than those in lower-class ones. And, due to centuries of systematic inequality through things like redlining and gentrification, those neighborhoods tend to be unofficially segregated between prosperous white neighborhoods and the less-prosperous... everyone else.

So, saying that you've moved to a certain location "for the schools" has pretty much always been a racist dog whistle, especially when you're talking to or about people of color.

This is as good a time as any to point out that Jordanna is Hispanic. We know this primarily because of her name, Francisco's name, and the fact that they're both consistently colored with the same hair color and skin tone, the latter a shade or two darker than our extremely white protagonist. Worse, later on we'll learn that Jordanna and Francisco have actual familial connections in the Devil's Square, while Stephanie explicitly does not.

Now to be clear, the writer absolutely did this on accident. I cannot imagine a world where they intended to make their bold, feminist hero low-key racist; hell, I'm pretty sure I'm more keyed into this than most white AFABs would be purely because of the specific racial tensions that populated the town where I grew up. But that's what they stumbled into by being careless.

So I, for one, tend to read this next panel as Jordanna being understandably insulted that this random white girl just tried to embarrass her for no reason, and then made a racist joke at her expense.

Even if you don't agree with that reading, at bare minimum Steph butted in to steal Jordanna's answer, basically just to get herself attention. I think Jordanna's upset is pretty reasonable either way.

We follow up with this on the next page, where we also get to see that Jordanna is dressed in ass-accentuating jeans and a tight pink crop-top. Nothing like Stephanie, who for some reason is dressed like she shops at an army surplus store.

We are then properly introduced to Francisco Garcia, Jordanna's friend and one of Steph's wannabe love interests. And let me say this unequivocally: Francisco is an asshole. Literally his first line of dialogue is to call his supposed friend a bitch, repeatedly, to impress a blonde he just met.

And later on he will just be, the biggest jerk to Jordanna while she's worrying about his safety and trying to look out for him when his dad gets him into a dangerous situation. Francisco is, of course, completely ungrateful for all of it because he's too busy trying to bang blondie.

We next see Jordanna two pages later at a Harvest Festival frat party, which Steph appears to be attending purely so she can stand around judging her classmates for taking an excuse to party.

Jordanna appears, highly intoxicated to a point to a point that would be deeply concerning even if she hadn’t been drugged, which it turns out she has.

Stephanie has zero sympathy, and neither does the writer, who portrays Jordanna as so vapid that she thinks/talks in textspeak. Which doesn’t even make sense. How did Steph hear how she was spelling things in her head?

This is our one and only indication that Jordanna is supposedly rich -- you know, like Cordelia from Buffy, which this series desperately wants to be -- and supposedly looks down on Steph for being poor. Again: Stephanie is not poor. She’s not even portrayed as poor in this comic. She just lives with her mom.

You’ll also notice that Steph changed clothes, while Jordanna is still in her unofficial uniform, which is drawn extra-low to show off her bikini line. This further accentuate how Stephanie is drawn to look normal while Jordanna is an over-sexualized slut. Note the unnaturally swayed hips, extra focus on her curves, and lack of underwear.

As previously mentioned, Jordanna has been roofied via spiked punch with a drug that we the readers know from previous exposition has killed some of its previous victims. And yet, despite this, I think she actually behaves more heroically than Steph here, because Jordanna seems to realize that this isn't the fun kind of spiked and immediately takes action to make sure no one else gets the same treatment she did.

She then collapses, and we don't see her again for the rest of this story arc.

Seriously. That's it.

Stephanie does absolutely nothing to help her. She gives this half-assed "somebody call 911!" shout and... that's it. That's the last we see of Jordanna for this plotline, because it's far more important for Stephanie to go chasing after the half-dozen guys who conveniently decide to run off at the perfect to make them look suspicious. For no reason.

You'll also notice that the very second she's no longer sharing a panel with One of those Other Girls, Stephanie's previously-normal sweater suddenly falls completely off her shoulders and gets vacuumed-sealed to her boobs to show off that she's not wearing a bra.

'Cause see, Stephanie has to still be sexy, because all of the named men in this comic (including Francisco, her ex, the fucking 10-year-old and, it's implied, her own goddamn father) want to fuck her. (All except for Commissioner Gordon, who is An Old and therefore sexless; and Dick Grayson, who wants to fuck Barbara). She just has to be sexy on accident because to do anything else would imply that she's like those Other Girls.

The whole free will philosophy bullshit culminates in the utterly nonsensical climax to this arc, in which Steph's bold statement for why she should get to be Batgirl boils down to, "I want it, I want it!" but I have gone off on enough tangents and we're here to talk about Jordanna.

---

Next time we see her is in Issue 5, where we learn that Steph has assumed -- based on absolutely nothing and in spite of Fransisco's blatant flirting with her -- that Jordanna and Francisco are dating. Steph shirks her part-time library job to eavesdrop on their conversation like a creep, learning that Francisco's father conveniently owned the flaming building she'd been fighting in during the first half of the issue.

Here, we get Jordanna's one canon redeeming character trait (not that it's ever acknowledged as such), in that she very much cares about this asshole friend of hers who, remember, called her a bitch "like all the time" in his first panel of dialogue.

It's also the first of many, many, many times when Steph will just luckily stumbling into the plot, which is literally the only reason they have her going to school in the first place: so she can Plot Convenience Playhouse her way into exactly the information she needs to find the story.

This happens every. single. arc.

This is also where it begins to be established that Jordanna and Francisco have familial ties in the Devil's Square. We'll later learn that Francisco's father has invested a lot of money into trying to fix the neighborhood up. From the way that Jordanna talks about the area, it's not too hard to figure that they might've grown up there until their parents got a lucky break and were able to move out, to "cut ties" as Jordanna says.

Jordanna is then understandably upset when she catches Steph eavesdropping.

Keep in mind, from Jordanna's perspective, her total interactions with this rando white girl have gone: - Stealing her argument - Racist joke - Giggling with Jordanna's so-called friend over what a bitch Jordanna is - Abandoning her at a party while Jordanna was drugged, unconscious and helpless - and now, eavesdropping on her private conversation.

So I, for one, would say that Jordanna has a damn good reason to not be fond of our "hero." Not that she's ever given that benefit of the doubt; so far as Steph and Francisco are concerned, she's "jealous."

Steph then proceeds to stick her nose where it’s not wanted and TL;DR Francisco gets kidnapped. Steph winds up with Damian tagging along for “we need to imply that even the 10-year-old wants to fuck her” reasons, and they decide to break into Jordanna’s room at her sorority house. 

This sequence is just fucking gross. 

Remember: Francisco is Jordanna’s friend. They’ve clearly known each other a long time, she’s familiar with his family and she obviously cares for him deeply. Stephanie supposedly thinks they’re dating. He has been kidnapped off the streets as part of a nonsensical betting plot, and Jordanna is visibly worrying about him as she comes in the door. She's been worried about him every appearance in this arc so far.

Steph, having broken into her dorm room like a creep, shows her no sympathy, calls her “self-absorbed” and opens the “interrogation” with the stated intent to terrorize her -- “let’s play bad cop and worse cop.” Her opening salvo against what she thinks is a scared girlfriend is to threaten to beat her. And if that doesn’t work, she threatens to let Damian stab her. 

But again, it’s portrayed as okay, because Jordanna is just, such a bitch you gaiz. 

Nonsensically, Jordanna -- who has zero connection to the whole evil supervillain betting game plot outside of her friendship with Francisco -- knows all about the secret betting website. And surprise surprise, this whole thing that Steph stumbled into completely on accident turns out to actually be a plot to lure Batman!Dick into a trap, so that Steph gets to rescue him and prove how wrong he was to ever call her "reckless" and doubt that she could be Batgirl.

We actually do get a resolution with Jordanna this time. Barely.

Some chucklefuck on either the DC wiki or (more likely) the Stephanie Brown wiki decided out of literally nowhere that these two panels mean that Francisco is gay and the nameless brown-haired dude he hugs there is "his boyfriend."

I hope I don't have to tell you how dumb that is. But it does kind of shine a light on how people who enjoy this comic are reading it. Francisco continues to blatantly flirt with Stephanie for the rest of the series.

---

From here, Jordanna is no longer directly involved with the plot, but she does turn up on occasion when the book remembers that Steph is supposed to maybe kinda-sorta give a damn about her civilian life.

In issue 10, we see her as part of one many, many nameless Gotham U student controlled by the Calculator in an attempt to get to Barbara.

This storyline is an anti-tech, anti-cell phone screed. Stephanie doesn't get mind controlled because she'd never waste her time with something as vapid and mindless as texting.

In issue 15, we learn that Steph has joined a study group with Jordanna and Francisco because..... the plot said so.

And we also learn here that Steph is one of those people who crap out on group projects, which isn't a surprise because, again, I cannot stress enough how much she does not actually want to be attending this school. She's just wasting everybody's time and a bunch of government assistance money so that she has something to complain about. And so the writer can randomly throw plot points at her and pretend that she has some kind of motivation beyond, "Tell me how good I am at punching people."

In the next issue, Jordanna has organized an anti-Batgirl protest on campus, blaming her for the murder of a student killed by a cult.

The comic, of course, tries to play this as Jordanna selfishly manipulating a tragedy to get her grades up. Grades that are down because, again, Stephanie crapped out on a group project.

I, however, will remind you that Batgirl broke into Jordanna's dorm room and threatened to beat and/or torture her for information on her kidnapped friend.

She didn't even rescue Francisco after that either, Francisco was allowed to just leave because... the plot said so. So yeah, Jordanna has damn good reason to dislike Stephanie and Batgirl. Assuming she doesn't know they're the same person, which I think she actually does, because Steph is barely even trying to hide her secret identity, and I don't think Jordanna is an idiot.

The very last time we see Jordanna is Issue 18, the nonsensical Valentine's issue where Steph just happens to stumble on the immortal witch-child Klarion and manage to charm him because, again, all the men are there to be her boytoys, even the one who magically prevents himself from hitting puberty for all eternity.

Oh and also, so we can get this delightful exchange.

In which the artistic slut-shaming is made verbal.

Notice how Jordanna and her "slutty" friends aren't allowed to show their whole faces (save for one panel where they're too small to have any individual detail), with the emphasis being on their T&A and painted, sultry lips, while Stephanie is once again dressing like a boy and always allowed to be completely in the frame.

And the last-ever mention we get of Jordanna Spence is the implication that Klarion has turned her into a frog as punishment for being slutty and unlikable.

And that's it. That's every single appearance of Jordanna Spence.

This post has been going on long enough so I'm not going to drag on the conclusion in an attempt to be academic. I subscribe to the school of thought that a feminist work can't be defined by its heroine alone, it also has to engage with the women around her like they're also three-dimension characters with their own inner lives and struggles.

Batgirl (2009) fails that standard at every single turn. The only woman it cares about -- hell, the only person it cares about -- is Stephanie herself. And, despite what some people will tell you, that's not "typical" of even solo books like this one. We know this because Stephanie wouldn't even exist if the writers on Tim Drake's run as Robin didn't treat his supporting cast like they were real people with real lives, in which Tim was only a part.

Jordanna Spence was a causality of that. She exists entirely so that Stephanie has someone to look down on, to be better, and to treat with casual disdain. She is, in short, a tool whose only purpose is to make Stephanie look good. The other women in this comic all get similar treatment. Even Barbara. Even Supergirl. Especially Cass Cain.

Jordanna deserves better. They all do.

[freelancer-intel-256]

Convincing a Disney TVA fan to watch RvB

Spent an embarrassing amount of time writing what turned into an essay to hepl convince an “Owl House” fan to watch RvB. Putting it here instead, so that time isn’t wasted.

STYLE: If just the style is what's keeping them from watching it, that really can't be helped. Make a note that the animation may be rough, but ultimately the style isn't purely animated - It's machinima, and you're not gonna get totally gorgeous or even consistent quality. Art direction isn't the same as in other shows, but NOTE BENE: This does not mean that care isn't put into the setting. You can go through and watch DVD behind the scenes stuff or go on the wiki or read the companion book, and you can tell your friend that for machinima directors, they show love for their craft by transforming existing locations into something within their universe. My favorite example is turning the Forerunner cathedral that is "Epitaph" into the haunting Freelancer facility that unlocks the Alpha, but a fan favorite (and obviously don't spoil this for them) would probably be seeing how Sidewinder was turned from a boot camp into ground zero for a weather machine/"""Time bomb""" into the third(?) last stand of the Reds and Blues and then in S10, finally realizing why Wash called it "The only place that's left" in S8. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: If they watch "The Owl House" for the same reasons I do (re: story and character development), just tell 'em to pay attention to Blue Team. The story revolves around them to start. Caboose carries a surprising amount of the emotional weight of the story because of his sincerity, Church is a ghost who becomes more important as the story goes on, Tucker is literally the imprint of the writer for the Chorus trilogy's idea of the journey of accepting responsibility, Wash is a badass with a villain arc, and of course, Agent Texas is a badass with a capital-T Tragic backstory. The Blood Gulch crew is pretty one-note, which is not necessarily a bad thing. It's Scott McCloud's understanding comics: In the case of the BGC, being faceless archetypes makes it easier for us jump in and immediately understand what their deal is. That said, if they want angst and suffering out of their characters, Blue Team and the Freelancers, and that Venn Diagram has Agent Washington squarely in the middle, so maybe start them off with Recovery One into Reconstruction trailer into Reconstruction. Music: Owl House has a great score. RvB has some bangers, too. Trocadero and Jeff Williams take turns bringing a musical identity to the show. Everyone knows "(When) Your Middle Name is Danger" and "Big Prize" for Meta and Wash, respectively. Then Jeff Williams brings rock and rap to the mix for the action movie-esque Freelancer saga, then it's Trocadero again with "Contact" and "Soul Clef XI"... And then if you make it to Season 15, Grif gets a theme, too.

There was gonna be more, but holy gosh, then I realized what I was going, so I just submitted this instead.

Spent the last hour writing a fucking essay, but I'll condense it: I'm a fan of Owl House and RvB, and you all might want different things out of the shows you watch, which would be the biggest, most insurmountable barrier. Start with S5 or Recovery One, then go into Reconstruction. RvB asks a lot up front: ~9-10 hours of watch time before the dramatic story starts. Don't skip the Recollections Trilogy trailers. Make sure they watch the S2 opening or any of the videos featuring "Blood Gulch Blues", so that S10 "True Colors" hits as hard as it should. If they're a Disney TVA fan, the words "True Colors" should make them go into a trance, but once the snap out of it, if they're in it for character development, it's all about Blue Team. If they've enjoyed Luz Noceda for her wide-eyed whimsy in the first half of most Season one episodes, Caboose and maybe Donut. If they've enjoyed watching Luz get broken down by the world around her and being used, manipulated, and lied to, they'll love Wash. Old and witty like Eda, maybe Sarge, unless they're an Eda stan for different reasons. Hooty? Caboose. King?... Also Caboose because he fills that roll of "the cute one" and "the chaotic one". If they're an S1 Amity fan, South Dakota. I have an analogue for S2 Amity, too, but you know. Spoilers, just in case you decide to watch it.

[helisol]

dude im not sure you will get it after reading this either, but you Can read it now

okay so first of all do not expect me to adhere to rules of grammar or Proper capitalisation, I am writing from the heart

so it’s been said before by other people but if Quark and Odo didnt look like the aliens that they are but instead like two regular prettybois the fandom would do cartwheels over their dynamic and Not call them a crack ship. because really, their dynamic fucking SLAPS and I’m here to tell you Why.

their surface-level dynamic is “Respected and Talented Security Chief and Cunning Immoral Businessman who are in Love but pretend not to be” and that's just an off-brand version of enemies to lovers! which is excellent and for some people that’s all you really need to get invested in a ship.

but some people look at it and go “Hm, no, that’s not enough. I mean, they work as friends but it doesn’t really have to be romantic.” and to that I say you are Absolutely Valid, not everything has to be romantic.

it just so happens that these two fuckers have one of the most compelling romance stories ever, and it’d be a shame not to explore it.

so before I dive into the internalised homophobia and repression, I’d like to take a moment to talk about Quark as a character.

because if you have brainworms like me you can kind of see that its an honest to god greek tragedy.

this guy comes from a race of people where being kind, ethical and fair is considered Abnormal and Horrifying. and I’m not gonna call Quark out of all people kind, ethical or fair but,,, 

you ever notice how he’s A Much Better Person Than Pretty Much All Other Ferengi?

dont get me wrong, Quark is still a bastard, but every once in a while his True Character shines through. and I say True Character because guys,,, the way he behaves around other people is an Act. he’s pretending to be something he’s not.

he has to try so hard to be a good ferengi it’s honestly painful to watch at times. because he is a SHIT ferengi! 

he loves his friends- because that's what the ds9 crew are. they’re his friends! and it makes him miserable because that's not! normal! for a ferengi!

let’s compare Quark and Rom for a second. 

Quark reeks of self loathing because a lot of the time he just Doesn’t act like a ferengi is supposed to, and this drives a lot of conflict in the show. he knows how a ferengi should act, it’s just that he can’t!! fucking!! do it!! but he still tries and tries to fit into that mold, which straight up ruins his life on multiple occasions.

Rom is also not a Model Ferengi, but he lives without hating himself. and it’s mostly because he doesn’t care about how a ferengi Should act, he’s loved and cared for even when everybody knows that he’s a shit ferengi! because his non-ferengi-ness works to his benefit. it encourages and highlights his abilities as an engineer. the success and love he finds make it easy for him to be content with his true self. Unlike Quark, who doesn’t get unconditional love from anyone.

its so!! tragic!! because you can see what Quark is really like!! his true self!! he’s a nice guy who cares for people!

its right there all the time and it's so blatantly obvious. especially in episodes like “Body Parts”, “Bar Association”, “The Way Of The Warrior” and “Ferengi Love Songs”

his own wiki page literally calls him “a compassionate and generous man by ferengi standards” which pretty much translates to “not really a good ferengi”.

anyway so Quark is a tragic figure or whatever but we’re actually here for the REPRESSED! HOMOSEXUAL! TENDENCIES! that he and Odo both exhibit.

with characters like garak you don’t really need to have brainrot to pick up on those tendencies, because that was something andrew robinson chose to do, on purpose. 

and to be fair, Quark wasn’t intended to be Any kind of representation, not even by the actor. I’m just pointing out that he Does look and act and talk like a little gayman.

I will admit that he is Painfully Straight in the text of the show, but on a meta level he’s just. a dude who has a serious case of repressing his real personality. and taking it a step further- he also represses his feelings towards another man.

and that man is Odo.

a few things on him:

Odo is literally desperate to be a person. unlike Quark, who at least has the comfort of belonging to a society of people with a set of rules and expectations, Odo has never met anyone or anything like him in all his years of life.

like, we all know Odo basically grew up in a lab, right? 

with people who didn’t know anything about him. who he was so unalike that they literally called him “Nothing”

but he still learned to look and talk and act like them (because if he didn’t he’d feel *pain* which is very fucked up by the way?)

so we know for a fact that Odo wants to be recognised as a person- which is why he tries really hard to conform to the ideals of the society that raised him. instead of exploring his nature as a shape shifter he maintains a humanoid form, picks up a job and creates an entire personality around what he wants to be seen as. but not what he really is.

and that's the thing that causes all the conflict between Quark and Odo. the type of person odo wants to be seen as is the polar opposite of whatever the fuck quark wants to be seen as.

In the same way that Quark acts like a Normal Ferengi, Odo acts like a Normal Security Officer.  and in a cruel twist of fate, the Ferengi happens to be the antithesis of the Security Officer.

If you only look at them as the things they act like, and not the things they are, you might say they’re way too different to like each other, right? 

but,,, if you think about the fact that they’re both putting on this act,,, this performance of idealised versions of themselves,,, you can see that they are The Same. They Are Both Gay Repressed Loser Aliens Who Try To Act Like Things That They Aren’t!

Imagine you’re Odo. 

Imagine that you’re Nothing, because you’re not like anything anyone has ever seen- and because you are Nothing you don’t fall in love with anyone for years and years. since who could love something that isn’t like them at all?

But then one day this Thing shows up in your path and you just hate it. Because it’s not like anything *you* have ever seen. It’s disorderly and looks grotesque and it’s criminal to boot.

It’s all the things you learned would make a “Bad Person” It’s everything you aspire not to be, because if you were any of those things you would BE PUNISHED.

But the trouble is, eventually he’s not an “it” anymore, he’s “Quark” and you see him every day of your miserable little life because you live on the same damn station in space and it’s hard to avoid each other.

He also happens to be one of the only things in your life that are constant. He will never leave because he is stubborn and greedy and you just *hate him so much* that you’re convinced he must be doing all of it to spite you. And yet you also can’t seem to leave him alone.

So Odo Must Hate Quark. everything else is a non sequitur for him. he can’t not hate Quark.

because Quark is, and i’m sincerely sorry to apply christian fucking imagery to this, The Forbidden Fruit.

If he liked quark he’d admit some kind of moral failing. it would be the end of his act. but on the other hand...it might be a good thing, because at least he could have quark.

but Odo can never go through with biting into this apple because the consequences are horrifying to him. he could never have quark because, according to his performance, he would Never like quark to begin with.

and here’s a take for you: Odo's Brand Of Internalised Homophobia Doesn't Stem From Heteronormativity. It Stems From The Fact That He Was Kind Of Assigned Asexual At Birth.

and the show sort of alludes to this, for real! not just subtext! canon! except the writers used the wrong person. 

because instead of Odo having these Forbidden Feelings for Quark he has them for,,, Kira.

but since this is My Quodo Manifesto you’ll understand that i am 100% willing to just toss that part of canon out the airlock.

so Odo does canonically have that mindset of “no one could ever love me”  for decades he repressed any and all feelings of love to avoid getting hurt. in the show he breaks this cycle of repression when he takes a chance and enters a relationship with Kira. yay?

but we all know that aint it chief. and part of the reason why That Ship Ain’t It is the fact that Quark is Right There. and he is simply the more interesting choice for odo.

he and Odo literally share the same problem and have weird intertwined character arcs! they are both dreadfully afraid of not conforming to the ideal versions of themselves, so they reject everything that could challenge their Performance!

on some fucked up level they hate each other *and* themselves individually. and this hatred makes them reject parts of their real identities for the sake of protecting their image. which. yknow. in gay people. is internalised homophobia!

so you can see that they’re both repressing A Lot even if you view them as Friends, but the most important thing in this kind of romantic dynamic is usually,,, when the characters *stop* repressing.

and the thing is. the thing that Kills Me with these two. They Never Get That Moment. Thats Why You Need The Brainrot To See Them As Romantic.

The Ascent gives us an example of what happens when they both take their act too far. I mean, who could forget “Fascist!” and “Fraud!” That is what odo thinks of quark’s performance and vice versa, but we don’t really hear them adress the fact that they *are* playing these roles to a ridiculous extent.

We also never get an example of what would happen if they dropped their act instead of over-performing it. or rather we don’t get to see both of them drop it.

And the reason why we never get that moment is because there’s this one key difference between Quark and Odo. 

Quark knows that he’s constantly repressing his true nature and his feelings for odo. We pretty much hear him say so in the iconic root beer scene in Way Of The Warrior. he knows that he’s not a good ferengi but he keeps up his act.

So quark is aware enough to feel that sweet sweet self loathing. But Odo isnt self loathing as much as he is just self sabotaging.

and this subtle difference between them is why, at the very end of the show, we get “That man loves me, can’t you see? It was written all over his back!”

this moment is quark dropping his act and asking odo to do the same. he wants to hear a genuine Goodbye from him because they have known each other for Decades and they are Friends. but odo is so unable to express the feelings he’s been repressing all these years. that he self sabotages again and just walks away.

even though this is like. very anticlimactic. considering I just spent 2000 words talking about how Odo and Quark are Most Certainly Gay For Each Other.

The fact that their ending is so Weird is the reason why quodo is so engaging and appealing to me? especially post-canon quodo.

like, the amount of “what if’s” this ship has are Astounding.

What if either of them had dropped their act a little sooner? What if they both did, for just a moment, and it was the straw that breaks the camels back?

What if Odo comes back after a few years? What if Quark comes to get him?

What if, in that moment in the finale where Quark drops his act, Odo had returned the gesture? What if Gag-Reel Quodo Kiss.gif Real?

with the depth that I read into their relationship, those what ifs are really fun to think about.

anyway its 1 am and i’m not an english major so literary analysis is not like, my strong suit. plus most of this was written in a late night screaming session with a friend who has the exact same opinions as me. i just think aliens hot and in love. thats all.

[aelaer]

☕ I AM totally cooking you up in this ask on how much you know about the Accords and the way they relate to the US's federal law 👀👀👀

Ahhh, yeah, I was due an ask like this. It took a while to get to, so hopefully you eventually see it, md. Note that all regulations are directly from the Wiki, which drew from the canon of Agents of SHIELD, which had huge plot points around the Accords. Possibly the other old Marvel TV shows too, I’m not sure. And without this expansion, we’d know literally nothing about them, but they fit a lot of what was in the comics so I’m cool as accepting them as canon. Your Mileage May Vary.

This is super long so I put it under a cut.

Any enhanced individuals who agree to sign must register with the United Nations and provide biometric data such as fingerprints and DNA samples.

Nothing breaking current US law. You’re expected to get fingerprinted if you do certain things for the state in certain states in the US. For instance, when I took a tutoring job for underprivileged children in my early college years, I was fingerprinted. I wouldn’t be surprised if higher-security jobs also require something similar.

However, to my knowledge these are all state or nationwide databases, not international. There may be some argument to be made about which officials from which country have access to your fingerprints, as it is with the Accords.

In this fictional universe, DNA samples may be more of an issue due to how meta-humans may have altered DNA and we alllll know that of those 117 countries that signed, at least a dozen of them would try to weaponize it in some capacity. If I were a meta-human in the MCU, this would be my largest concern.

Any enhanced individuals who sign are prohibited from taking action in any country other than their own unless they are first given clearance by either that country's government or by a United Nations subcommittee.

This makes complete sense and should have been established long ago. If it wasn’t already established, then the world governments of the MCU are... well, just as slow and dumb as the real world’s.

Any enhanced individuals who do not sign will not be allowed to take part in any police, military, or espionage activities, or to otherwise participate in any national or international conflict, even in their own country.

The UN does not have the authority to dictate what an individual country does or does not allow their population to do, for better or worse. The atrocities carried out across the world by various world governments against their people is the best evidence of that.

That said, in this case, I don’t think it’s any of their business to dictate this. If France wants meta-humans in their police force regardless as to whether they’ve signed the Accords or not, that’s France’s business. If Japan wants to bolster their army with meta-humans who didn’t sign, that’s Japan’s business. The rest of the world may not be happy with that, but the UN is not an elected ruling body and just doesn’t have the authority to make regulations like that. A lot of countries will play nice with sweeping calls such as that and go along with them, but they’re under no obligation to follow them (and certainly not with US law - the UN’s rulings have zero legal ramifications here until they’re passed in state or federal legislatures).

Any enhanced individuals who use their powers to break the law (including those who take part in extralegal vigilante activities), or are otherwise deemed to be a threat to the safety of the general public, may be detained indefinitely without trial.

Hahaahahhahahahahah. No. Breaks the Fifth Amendment in the Bill of Rights, which is a part of the Constitution (which equals the backbone of American law -- things that go to the Supreme Court are there to basically see if something is constitutional or not. It’s a lot more complicated than it sounds, though).

Unfortunately this is a real situation that’s being dealt with now with specific people of the “aiding terrorists” category throughout the last 20 or so years of presidency (both the left and right with politicians signing it, and both the left and right with American activists opposing it, according to my brief study on the issue - you can look up indefinite detention if you want to read more).

Regardless, super super breaks the Fifth Amendment. While the amendments were written for specifically American citizens or folks on American soil, I personally think it’s important it’s a value that is upheld with everyone, no matter what they’ve been accused of. But that’s all I’ll say on that real world topic. This UN mandate hits very close to home - kudos to the writer who put that in for that touch of reality.

The use of technology to bestow individuals with innate superhuman capabilities is strictly regulated, as is the use and distribution of highly advanced technology (such as Asgardian and Chitauri weaponry).

Doesn’t break any known laws to my knowledge. Regulation of dangerous things is pretty common.

The Avengers will no longer be a private organization and will operate under the supervision of the United Nations.

I don’t think the UN has the legal ability to do that. The US government would need to do this as this is a private organization operating within the US on US soil. The US government has acquired private organizations in real life (like GM during the financial crisis of 2008), but they quickly find how much that sucks and sell them off as soon as they can, lol.

Again, the UN is operating under the supposition that they actually have the legal wherewithal to do this when, in reality, they don’t. There is no such thing as international law in the real world and I sincerely doubt in the MCU verse.

What would very likely happen, should Thanos not have ruined this exciting political drama, is that the US totally agrees to do this. Then a new administration or legislature comes in and reverses it 2-6 years later, assuming that all of the lawsuits from various countries didn’t cripple the Accords sooner.

Those with secret identities must reveal their legal names and true identities to the United Nations.

Hahahahaha. Under whose authority? We’ve established there’s no international law. It’d be up to every single individual country to agree to not only do this, but *share* this list with every other country. If I was the decision maker in the US or China, there’s no way in fucking hell I’d do that. Israel or Iran? Fuck no! Do I *want* all my meta humans to be assassinated by other countries?

The MCU has this little fairy tale (that sometimes the real UN carries on with) that everyone gets along just great when, in reality, that’s really, really, really unlikely.

Those with innate powers must submit to a power analysis, which will categorize their threat level and determine potential health risks.

I could make an argument that this breaks the Fourth Amendment (unreasonable searches and seizures). You cannot forcefully take DNA from someone unless they’ve been convicted of a crime (and in, I think 20 states I just read, if you’ve been arrested, but even that’s been challenged under the Fourth Amendment in those various states the past decade).

If they’re already having a legal argument about this for DNA of people who were arrested, they’re going to have a hell of an argument for this requirement just for *existing*.

Those with innate powers must also wear tracking bracelets at all times.

Oh that’s nice, the UN thinks meta-humans are animals! Likely breaks the Fourth Amendment. Found an interesting article about Amazon and their little tracking bracelets from two years ago that is semi-relevant, and those are employees. Imagine if you required everyone of some minority race or nationality to wear a tracking device because they’re statistically more dangerous due to the prevalence of crime amongst them, or something inane like that.

Yeah, it’s something like that bad. Definitely breaks the privacy protection that previous rulings regarding the Fourth Amendment have established.

Governments are forbidden from deploying enhanced individuals outside of their own national borders unless those individuals are given clearance as described above. The same rule also applies to non-government organizations that operate on a global scale (including S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers).

International law doesn’t exist. This is done via treaties and agreements, but again, the UN has no legal leg to stand on (and countries -- US included -- often just ignore them). If China wants to take over Nepal with meta humans, who the fuck is really gonna stop them? I mean, really? If the US wanted to take over Baja California from Mexico, same question. The UN just doesn’t have the authority (or frankly put, the manpower). Countries often play nice, but there’s plenty of times where they don’t, either.

(But you know who would try to prevent the US/China from taking over Baja/Nepal? Meta humans. That likely aren’t allowed to fight under Accords mandates but do so anyway, all the while flipping the bird towards their nearest UN building :D)

As a corollary, they will not be allowed to participate in any active missions undertaken by private or governmental law enforcement/military/intelligence organizations (such as S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers).

See “international law doesn’t exist and it’s up to each individual country to determine this for themselves” as explained in previous sections.

If an enhanced individual violates the Accords, or obstructs the actions of those enforcing the Accords, they may likewise be arrested and detained indefinitely without trial.

As established, breaks the Fifth Amendment of the US. And fuck, we saw this in action in Civil War-- or so it seemed. Ross definitely looked like he was leaning that way. I wouldn’t put it past Ross. He’s been bad news ever since he was hunting the Hulk.

The creation of self-aware artificial intelligence is completely prohibited.

Heh, not really applicable to the current world, but not necessarily something I’d like to see in the real world either. I’m afraid we’re gonna get a Skynet or HAL rather than a JARVIS or WALL-E.

This was fun, in a weird way.

[simpsonsnight]

Episode #493

The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants Season 23 - Episode 7 | November 27, 2011

Ah, what a delightful change of pace. Instead of a terrible episode, we get a very boring one. Nah, I’m just kidding, this one’s pretty terrible. Homer moves up the corporate ladder and I think it’s kinda like Mad Men, maybe? I didn’t watch that show. I saw three episodes of it once and was like “yeah okay it’s good, whatever” and never watched it again. I did, however, watch 645 mostly-bad episodes of The Simpsons for this blog.

Homer is unfulfilled being a useless stuffed suit at the power plant. It all culminates in that sitcom trope of somebody booking two dates at the same time and making excuses to dip out of one to attend the other, except it’s a river-rafting expedition between Homer’s family and Homer’s work. So Homer is literally jumping off one raft to swim over to the other raft. This sounds funny on paper, and I’m assuming it was meant to be absurd, but the episode is so boring that it comes off as desperate. There is even a gag involving a DVD mix-up, which, why would you watch a DVD while rafting?? Absurdity, I guess, but... ehh. The Simpsons doesn’t really do that kind of unabashed absurdity that well. The Simpsons needs to stay grounded to impress this princess (bats eyelashes)

There’s a short b-story where Lisa teaches Bart how to read better and it barely pays off. It only paid off in one sense, finding this dumb trivia item on a Simpsons wiki:

Bart tells Lisa he’s a bad reader, despite that he reads comic books.

Hey man, I’m also a bad reader and I basically ONLY read comics. So there.

MAIL BAG

Here it comes! It’s MAIL BAG, more like MALE BAG, you sexists pigs!

Question for the Simpsons Night blog writer

you forgot the question dipshit. You fucking moron. You son of a bitch

What is your actual favorite simpsons episode. You must have done it already.

Ah here we go. I simply must have. I used to say Homer the Heretic, which has a perfect blend of all the things that I love about The Simpsons. But Itchy & Scratchy Land might be my actual favorite. I love Itchy & Scratchy, and it’s just gut-punch funny the entire way through. HUGE LAUGHS IN EVERY ACT. Thank you for asking. I sure hope you wanted me to be sincere cuz I was

DO you have a twitch stream? You make a lot of allusions to being a gamer and I wold like to see you game live

Until twitch repeals all of it’s draconian anti-hate-speech rules I will not be joining the platform. If you want to see my game live you’ll have to visit my prison cell

[ljones41]

"SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME" (2019) Review

"SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME" (2019) Review The Marvel Cinematic Universe finally ended its third phase with the release of its second Spider-man movie called "SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME". Released after the franchise's mega hit, "THE AVENGERS: ENDGAME", this second Spider-man movie is regarded as a follow-up to the previous film.

Set in June 2024, eight months after "ENDGAME", former S.H.I.E.L.D. director Nicholas Fury and his top aide, Maria Hill, investigate an unnatural sandstorm and discover it was created by a creature known as an Earth Elemental. A super-powered man from an alternate universe named Quentin Beck arrives to help them fight the creature. In New York City, those students who had been killed by Thanos' Snap and revived by the Hulk's "Blip" prepare to finish out the school year they had been forced to repeat. Among them are Peter Parker aka Spider-man and his fellow members of the school's academic decathlon team, who the school rewards with a two-week European vacation. Still grieving over the death of Tony Stark aka Iron Man, Peter anticipates enjoying the trip and using it as an opportunity to confess his growing feelings for fellow classmate, Michelle "MJ" Jones. However, while the Midtown students are in Venice, Italy; Peter is contacted by Fury, who delivers a pair of glasses equipped with an Artificial Intelligence (A.I.) called E.D.I.T.H. that had been given to him via Stark's will. E.D.I.T.H. was an augmented reality security, defense and artificial tactical intelligence system. Fury also asks Peter to help him, Hill and Beck to deal with a new threat to Earth, the Elementals. Longing to spend time with MJ, Peter rejects Fury's request. But when a Water Elemental threatens to overwhelm Venice, Peter dons a new Spider-man suit given to him by Fury and Hill and helps Beck deal with this new threat. I might as well be frank. I was not a fan of 2017's "SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING". I simply thought it was a badly written film with very little imagination. I also consider it to be one of the worst films within the MCU franchise. I never had a problem with Tom Holland as Peter Parker aka Spider-man. But with Jon Watts back as director, I had doubts that my feelings for "SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME" would be the same . . . or similar. I did not think that this sequel to "HOMECOMING" would be a vast improvement over the 2017 movie. And this is why a family member literally had to drag my ass . . . wait a minute. I should be more honest. I had every intention to see "FAR FROM HOME". It was the only major film that was being released around the Fourth of July holiday and I needed something to do. So, was the movie worth a trip to the theaters? One of the joys I had managed to derive from "SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME" were its European locations. I have not been that impressed by the photography featured in many of the MCU films. But I could not help but be impressed by cinematographer Matthew J. Lloyd's work in this film. I found it unusually sharp and colorful for this franchise. And it did help that he had utilized his talent for scenes shot in Venice, Prague and London. I also felt that Leigh Folsom Boyd and Dan Lebental's special effects had enhanced Lloyd's work. Another aspect of "FAR FROM HOME" that impressed me were the special effects created for the Elementals. Another aspect of the film that I enjoyed were the performances. Tom Holland gave his usual excellent performance as Peter Parker aka Spider-man. Samuel L. Jackson's portrayal of Nick Fury proved to be a bit more skillful than usual, deliberately conveying the idea that Fury seemed to be a bit off in this story. This was due to the fact that his old Skrull friend from "CAPTAIN MARVEL", Talos, was impersonating him. I thought Jake Gyllenhaal gave the best performance as the costumed vigilante Quentin Beck aka Mysterio, whose sincere and warm manner hid a possibly sinister agenda. I was pleasantly surprised by Zendaya, who gave a more nuanced performance as Peter's new love interest Michelle "M.J." Jones than she did in "HOMECOMING". However, I remained unimpressed by her screen chemistry with Holland. There was another screen pair that proved to be surprisingly impressive was Jacob Batalon and Angourie Rice, who portrayed Ned Leeds and Betty Brandt, Peter's roommates. Thanks to their performances, I really enjoyed Ned and Betty's summer romance that took everyone by surprise. The movie also featured funny performances from Tony Revolori, J.B. Smoove, Martin Starr, Marisa Tomei, Jon Favreau and a surprising cameo from J.K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson. The only real disappointing performance came from Cobie Smulders as Maria Hill. She seemed to be used as background, instead of a supporting character. I blame the writers. Thanks to the European locations, Matthew J. Lloyd's cinematography and the cast's performances, I can honestly say that I enjoyed "SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME" . . . more than I did 2017's "HOMECOMING". But despite the above, I was still disappointed with the film. There was simply too much about this movie that rubbed me the wrong way. And I find this sad, considering that Spider-man has always been my favorite Marvel Comics character for years. The main aspect about this movie that irritated me was the main villain's goal. The Disney/Marvel publicity machine had hinted for months that "FAR FROM HOME" would explore the aspects of an alternate universe. In fact, the Mysterio character was supposed to be from an alternate universe who had arrived in this one to defend Earth against the Elementals. Instead, this all proved to be cheap plot twist that originated from revenge. The main villain, Quentin Beck, was a former Stark Interprises employee, who had been fired by the late Tony Stark for his unstable personality. Stark had also stolen Beck's holographic technology for his own private use, embittering the latter even further. With Tony dead, Beck settled with deceiving Peter Parker into handing over E.D.I.T.H. to him. I could not believe what this story had been reduced to . . . another Spider-man movie in which the main villain had a grudge against Tony Stark. Then again, I should have known better. For some reason, the movie's narrative seemed unwilling to touch upon or explore any grief that Peter may have experience over Tony's death. I take that back. The movie featured one scene in which Peter and Tony's former security chief, Happy Hogan, did discuss the dead Avenger. But there were no other scenes in which Peter dealt with the emotional consequences of Tony's death. Instead, he spent most of the movie being torn between plotting to win M.J.'s love and "helping" Beck and Fury deal with the Elementals. Which would have been fine with me, considering my dislike of Tony Stark. But instead of allowing Peter to face the emotional consequences of Tony's death, the movie included scenes of Robert Downey Jr.'s mug being plastered on a wall or a billboard or in a dream. After I saw Downey Jr.'s face for the fourth time, I had to fight the urge to throw something at the movie screen. It was sooooo fucking annoying. What I found even more annoying is that for the second time, the main antagonist's villainy sprung from some past action of Tony Stark's. The Marvel Cinematic Universe has managed to make two of Spider-man's well-known villains more about Iron Man, instead of him. I still find it ridiculous that the MCU seems hellbent upon making Spider-man's villains more about Iron Man, instead of Spider-man. And then there was the matter of E.D.I.T.H. Why on earth would any responsible adult will a dangerous piece of technology like E.D.I.T.H. to an adolescent? Why? Why did the screenwriters treat this dangerous and irresponsible action on Tony's part as a source of comedy? Come to think of it . . . when did Tony make this decision to bequeath the glasses to Peter? During the last five years of his life, Peter had been dead, thanks to Thanos' snap in "THE AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR". He had been resurrected at less than two hours before Tony's death. So, when did Tony decide to bequeath E.D.I.T.H. to Peter? Had he included this legacy in his will before the events of "INFINITY WAR"? If so, why did he fail to change his will following Peter's death? Especially, since he and Pepper Potts managed to get marry and conceive a daughter? Or did he create a new will, while building a time machine (MASSIVE EYE ROLL) for the Avengers? I have never heard of anything so stupid in my life . . . even for a comic book movie. One more thing - how did Quentin Beck and his co-conspirators discover that Tony had bequeathed E.D.I.T.H. to Peter? Was Tony stupid enough to post his will electronically? And why in God's name would the MCU allow Tony to create something so dangerous and not treat it so seriously? What was the franchise thinking? I had assumed that "SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME" would explore the aftereffects of both Thanos' snap and the Blip that had resurrected Peter and others who had been killed by the former. It barely did. The movie revealed that Peter and his aunt, May Parker, were helping other resurrected victims of the Snap in Queens, New York; who had had returned to life to find themselves homeless by staging some kind of fundraiser with Spider-man. I had learned via the MCU Wiki page that May Parker had also been killed by the Snap. I find this odd, considering that the same website had made it clear that she had survived the Snap back in 2018. And if both Peter and May had been killed by the Snap, why did they NOT end up homeless after being resurrected? How did May resume her profession (whatever it is) after five years? How did she get her money back? Did her bank refund her money following her resurrection? The more I think about Peter and May's situation regarding the Snap and the Blip, the more I find myself disgusted with the MCU's handling of its overall narrative. Audiences never saw May deal with the discovery that her nephew was Spider-man. Audiences never saw Peter and May struggle after their resurrection. It seemed as if the screenwriters of this movie had become emotional cowards. Or perhaps I should simply label Kevin Feige as an emotional coward? I have noticed that in past movies, he has never allowed the franchise to deal with the aftermath of serious events. At least not in the movies. "AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D." had to deal with the aftermath of the agency's fall back in 2014. The series had to deal with the rise of Inhumans - something that the movies never touched upon since the topic first came up back in 2014/2015. And now, it seemed apparent that the MCU seems unwilling to deal the aftermath of both the Snap and the Blip. Looking back, "SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME" was the wrong movie to follow "THE AVENGERS: ENDGAME". It was willing to be some ham-fisted ode to Tony Stark, but it was obviously unwilling to explore how people like Peter and May Parker dealt with their deaths and their resurrections. Speaking of the Snap . . . guess who else got killed? All of Peter's friends from his school's Academic Decathalon Team. ALL OF THEM - Michelle M.J. Jones, Ned Leeds, "Flash" Thompson and Betty Brandt. All of them. All of them had been killed by Thanos' Snap and resurrected by the Blip. All of them. You cannot imagine how much I found this incredibly contrived. According to the movie's narrative, those students who had been killed and resurrected were given a two-week trip to Europe during the summer. So . . . Peter, his four remaining companions from the last film, and a handful of other students were the only ones from Midtown School of Science and Technology who had undergone the Snap and the Blip? Just them? How convieeeennent. By the way, this was a shoddily planned trip. The movie never featured them visiting any place of academic interest. No one discussed or brought up the possible trauma of being killed and resurrected. No one. And when did Peter become interested in Michelle "M.J." Jones? Audiences last saw her casually conversing with Peter at the end of "HOMECOMING", while he was mourning the end of his relationship with Liz, Adrian Toomes aka the Vulture's daughter. Sometime between the 2017 movie and this one, he became attracted to M.J. My God, how frustrating! It almost reminds me of the rushed development of Princess Leia Organa and Han Solo's relationship in the STAR WARS Original Trilogy. At least in that franchise, "STAR WARS: EPISODE IV - A NEW HOPE" revealed hints of Han finding Leia attractive. I saw no such hints in Peter's feelings for M.J. by the end of "HOMECOMING". So . . . when did he fall for her? I was also surprised about how Nick Fury aka Talos managed to change the group's itinerary at short notice in order to get Peter to continue with the so-called "Elemental threat". How did he achieve this without alerting the school board or the travel agency? This made no sense to me. Speaking of the fake Nick Fury and Maria Hill . . . why? Why on earth would Fury allow two aliens (even if they were friendly) to impersonate him and Hill? Why? If he was on vacation, he should have immediately cancelled it when the so-called "Elemental threat" first appeared. But he did not. Why? This is not how someone as paranoid as Fury would behave. Was he really on vacation? This whole scenario regarding his identity was simply a joke to me. After the joke about his eye in "CAPTAIN MARVEL", it seems as if the MCU is hell bent upon making him the franchise's punch line. Has Kevin Feige recently developed a grudge against Samuel L. Jackson or something? It was worse for Hill/Soren since she/he barely said a fucking word. By the way, what has Fury been doing since the breakup of the Avengers? Which government agency was he working for when the Snap happened? Or was he operating his own security firm? How did the Snap and Blip affect his livelihood? I get the feeling that the MCU will never explain anything. I would discuss the movie's ending, which featured Peter's identity as Spider-man being exposed by Beck or one of his colleagues. But I was too disgusted with the film to overall care. I am certain - or I hope - that this issue will be addressed in what I HOPE will be the final MCU Spider-man movie. Granted, I enjoyed the film's photography and the European locations. I enjoyed the performances of the cast led by Tom Holland. I especially enjoyed Jake Gyllenhaal's performance. And I enjoyed the romance between the Ned Leeds and Betty Brant characters (they eventually got married in Marvel Comics). Unfortunately, the sloppiness and laziness of the film's writing, the narrative's unwillingness to address issues from the last two Avengers films, the heavy-handed ode to Tony Stark and Jon Watts' mediocre direction has led me to regard "SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME" as a complete bust. This is the second time that a MCU Spider-man movie has completely disappointed me. I really wish that Sony Pictures would resume producing Spider-man movies without any output from the MCU. I really do.

[bondsmagii]

🌻🌻

new ask game send me a 🌻 and ill just tell you whatever the fuck i want

part one: of all the online communities I’ve ever been a part of, the SCP Foundation has been the fucking wildest. never before in all my time on the internet (which began when I was very young) have I ever, ever been in a community as absolutely batshit insane as the SCP Foundation. I am not sure what it is about the community but it seems to attract the fucking weirdest people I have ever come into contact with, and for the entirety of its time as a mostly organised hierarchical system (a community with active admins and mods) it has been loosely roleplaying some kind of dictatorship. never before have I ever witnessed such a perfect miniature sample of bureaucracy and all the bullshit it entails. never before have I ever witnessed such a perfect example of what power can do to someone. in no other community have I witnessed lawyers being threatened and police literally called over internet drama. I have never seen, in any other online community, the kind of vitriolic hatred that some users have displayed towards one another. and I don’t think there’s a community out there that has the Foundation’s specific brand of pretentiousness. 

don’t get me wrong: I’ve met a lot of cool people through the community, and my carefully curated group of friends who are into it have great ideas, hot takes, and incredible story-telling abilities. but out of all the people I’ve met through SCP stuff, most of them have turned out to be completely balls to the wall insane. and not in the fun way. in the “these people are actively harmful to themselves and others” way. there are so many people I look at in the community and sincerely wish that they receive help, or that they’re kept away from impressionable young newbies. it is a fucking jungle out there.

part two: if you’re new to the SCP Foundation, please don’t let the obsession with fame get to you. a lot of people will deny it but there is an obsession with fame and power in the community. I don’t know if it’s because the initial well-known characters in the Foundation made everyone think that was the norm, but for whatever reason it’s a highly competitive area where everyone seems to act with power they don’t have. people seem to forget it’s just the fucking internet. people base their entire personalities and concepts around their influence on the SCP wiki and as a result, people are so cruel to newbies. critique is unbelievably harsh, standards are ridiculously high, and perhaps most confusingly of all, any new approach or experimentation (in a collaborative writing environment) is often violently opposed. the wiki is a very toxic environment and the scores of newbies who never post again are testimony to it, as are the frequent mental breakdowns of staff members or well-known writers. 

unfortunately the wiki has a long history of denying all these problems, too (it’s been going on ever since I can remember, and I have been around for A Long-Ass Time), so really it’s a case of developing your own self-confidence and doing whatever the fuck you want. some people are like me, and do not post on the main site at all and instead just interact with off-site fandom, and some people are like one of my friends, who just writes whatever and doesn’t care so long as the writing is up to his (incredibly high) standard. but both of us reached these decisions through tough lessons that hurt. and what’s more, we both had the advantage of not going in it hoping (or even aiming) for fame. sincerely at this point I couldn’t in good conscience recommend anyone join the mainsite. it’s a shame, because most people aren’t like this at all. but the ones who are define the entire community, and it sucks.

tl;dr everyone on the SCP wiki needs to chill out because it’s literally just the fucking internet

[enjolraaaa]

so vulture, the online entertainment mag, did a fancast earlier today for an upcoming season of AMERICAN CRIME STORY in which they fancast andrew cunanan, a serial killer of filipino descent, as a white actor – because of fucking course they did.

i tweeted them, verbatim, “andrew cunanan is a man of color, you absolute goddamn dunces.”

hours later? they apologized. and changed the casting choice. 

the lesson here kids is to never let anyone tell you that yelling at people on the internet changes nothing. 

[howoldistheoutsider]

considering he's voiced by & looks identical to a forty (40) year old man, this blog seems majorly superficial. or are you joking? because as a character with literally nothing (at all) in canon to suggest otherwise, fans picturing/writing him as an adult is sincerely all that matters irl. talk to me when they actually see him as a child & then we'll have a problem! (& if ppl invoking death of the author is hardest you have it in this fandom then i'm truly fucking jealous, lmao)

this whole ask is a little confusing but i think you’re missing the point of this blog. my whole stance is “by the way keep in mind the outsider is a minor, also pedophilia is bad and wrong.” your confusion about this probably suggests that you didn’t read my about page.

i’m not sure if you’ll understand this, but the age of a voice actor does not equate the age of the character they’re voicing. in the english dub of fullmetal alchemist, a 40 year old man was voicing the main character in scenes where he’s literally a toddler. the age of a voice actor means less than nothing.

as for how old he looks...game developers are bad at modeling young people (especially guys). that’s literally it. elder maxon in fallout 4 is supposed to be 20. he does not look 20, but he’s still supposed to be 20.

i think it’s more of a problem that fans are making nsfw content of a character whose age is undefined. i think it’s a problem that people see the outsider and assume he’s an adult without doing any research to prove otherwise (which you clearly haven’t done either, i know the wiki page might seem iffy to you but wiki pages in this day and age are more reliable than most writers at this point because wiki pages are run by dozens of moderators all crowdsourcing their information).

i promise you i get a lot less uncomfortable when people treat the outsider like a teenager. because he is a teenager. he’s fifteen. making him act like a fifteen year old is the opposite of a problem. making him act like an adult by itself isn’t a huge problem either, it just becomes a BIG problem when people pretend he’s an adult and use that to make nsfw material of him. because he’s fifteen.

[othercat2]

fic: two for mirth 42/?

Karkat thinks about what Gamzee said about Dave: “That little brother wants a thing he ain’t never really had, and that feel goes down dark and deep into the fear places.” He thinks he has a better feel for what Gamzee meant now. Dave wants a home, someplace to belong, to be part of something. He wants family, a household.  He wants to belong somewhere. It was there the entire time, but Karkat hadn’t seen it, hadn’t really let himself see it.

Karkat’s first hope had been friendship developing at an appropriate time after freeing Dave and setting him up with a sponsor.  The hope had turned to an uneasy mixture of compassion and admiration, exasperation and sympathy.  And from that point, he had just wanted more, despite the situation created by Gamzee, of not being able to manumit him (or telling him he would be manumitted) in a sweep.  

Dave returning his concupiscent feelings had been too much to hope for.

(But that hadn’t stopped him from wanting to pay court; something to feel guilty about, maybe.)

He’s startled from his train of thought by a pillow hitting him in the back of the head. Karkat looks up from the monitor of the computer and levels a glare at Dave, who’s seated on the couch, his husktop in his lap. “Do you mind? I’m working on a speech.”

“You’ve just been sitting there staring at the open document, for maybe a half hour?”

“That would be because writing a speech requires thinking about what you’re going to say, not just flippantly talking shit of the top of your head,” Karkat says with exaggerated patience.

“Yeah well, flippant shit talking is kind of my brand. Could you come here for a second? This is weird.” There’s something strange in the tone of his voice. There uncertainty and discomfort in his voice, and a very poor attempt to seem collected and casual. His entire posture was one of tension and barely concealed anxiety.

“I get the feeling this isn’t some meme you want to show me,” Karkat says, getting up from the computer and crossing over to the couch. He sits down beside Dave, who adjusts his husktop so Karkat can see the screen.

It’s an open message in Dave’s inbox for his Bubblr.

 Dear Mr. Strider,

I’ve been following your bubblr and social media for the past couple months. I think you and the Emissary are doing a good thing and that your public interactions with him on some of the talk shows are pretty fucking hilarious. I also love your “blatant self-promotion” tag. (You really could be a professional dancer, if you wanted. I have a cousin who had what was technically a late start at ballet, and she’s dancing with Nouveau Helium on Mars.)  

Okay, so, that’s enough buttering up. I wanted to go formal, but yeah, no. If you post this letter publically instead of private, I want to at least try go out funny instead of a stuffed shirt when you knock me down.

I am also a big fan of the work of a movie director/social media artist who coincidentally or maybe not so coincidentally shares your first and last name. (Okay, he’s a “David” not a “Dave” but you both have the last name Strider) And yeah, the universe is full of coincidences and there is a high statistical probability of there being many, many Dave or David Striders out there, but you look a lot like him and even sound a lot like him, though the accent is hella different. So I figured there might be a chance you might be related to him, if the Bro you’ve mentioned occasionally on Bubblr and elsewhere was named Derik Strider.

I should mention that I’m not the only one who’s made this possible connection. It’s being talked about in a few threads on Comuni-K and Sparcnote, and it’s possible someone’s already contacted you about this. So this probably isn’t news to you. Maybe Strider or his kids have seen you and contacted you about it. I don’t know, but I wanted to contact you about it, in case no one has. I figure it might hit the tabloids, maybe? I don’t know.

Sincerely,

bloomingAconite

“I have no idea of what to do about this,” Dave says. “I’ve gotten a few other messages, and some links since then. I don’t know what to do.”

“Well first thing,” Karkat says slowly, gently. “Was your brother named ‘Derik,’?”

There’s a long pause from Dave. “Yeah.”

“The second thing is, do you want to do anything about it?” Karkat asks.

“I don’t know. For all I know, he’s pretty much like Bro, except rich,” Dave says. “I did some research on the guy. It didn’t ping anything?”

“I’m not monitoring your social media except for what you show me, or what I read over your shoulder,” Karkat says. “So no keyword tagging.”

“Oh. Right,” Dave says, and laughs a little. He opens a tab, revealing a bio page on an entertainment wiki. “So he’s a writer/director who does a lot of surreal comedies and satires. Most well-known for a series called Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, a “comic idiot duo” that basically parodies various genres, while apparently doing a lot of social commentary.”

“Are they any good?” Karkat ask.

“I don’t know, haven’t tried anything yet. But look at his pictures,” Dave says.

“David” is maybe six sweeps older than Dave, and a bit broader across the shoulders. The shape of the jaw is pretty familiar, and the nose. His mouth is set in the same straight line that’s Dave’s default expression in the first picture. In the other three he’s wearing a thin, minimalist smile.  He’s wearing shades, and in that he looks almost exactly like Dave. “So the likelihood of you both being the same lineage, coming from the same slurry is pretty good. What do you want to do about it?”

“What do you think I should do?” Dave asks.

“I don’t know. Are you having ‘family’ feelings? Do you want to contact him? Are you worried he might contact you? Do you want him to?” He tries not to give anything away in his tone, but Dave gives him a narrow, irritated look.

“If this turns into a Thing, I am kicking your ass,” Dave says. “This is your only warning master.”

Karkat thinks about it for a while. “I don’t think it’s a Thing,” he says. “But maybe a human thing that I don’t want to interfere with. So you get to decide.”

“Still sounds like a Thing,” Dave says. “You’ll be better off with your own kind.” This is said in a mocking sing-song voice.  

“You’re being extremely preemptive, you haven’t even talked to the guy yet,” Karkat says, a little amused. “And I haven’t wallowed in enough feelings of guilt and insecurity to go along with that yet. We’re too long distance for you to have gotten the full list of my personal flaws and failings from Terezi.”

“I have basic skills of observation,” Dave says loftily, and leans back on the couch, a little more relaxed than he’d been previously. “I haven’t decided if I wanted to try contacting him, or even how I’m supposed to answer this letter. For all I know he already knows about me and wants nothing to do with me.”

“Should I feel pity for the theoretical rejection? Or outrage that anyone would not be proud of a strong rival. I’m a little confused here,” Karkat says.

“Shouldn’t that be exasperation that a rival is showing weakness?” Dave says, mouth tilting in a smile.

“What part of ‘confused’ are you not understanding?” Karkat asks, returning the smile. “Do some more research, figure out how you want to respond to the letter, whether private or public, and continue on from there.”

“Yeah, okay, we’ll start from there,” Dave says.

==>

<==

 Note: I have started a Patreon and I’m currently writing an original fic serial novel called The Forest Room. Consider becoming a patron and/or donating directly to my tip jar, to support my writing. Just a dollar a month from a lot of people means I can continue writing, and maybe pay rent.

Thanks to everyone who has liked or commented on my fic!

[whatwouldfrogsdo]

Opportunity (or Dreamer)

Day 6 of Nursey Week!

Trigger warnings: This deals with discussion of racism, particularly racism within the NHL, as well as white supremacy and internalized racism. Disclaimer that I, the writer, am white and so please, please if any of this is insensitive or straight up incorrect let me know and I will edit. There’s also some internalized acephobia.

Also on AO3 here.

“What’s that about?”

Derek looked across at Ransom, then followed his gaze, frowning when he saw April and March playing beer pong. Then he realized that Holster and Dex had sat down to talk just beyond the beer pong table.

Derek paused for a moment, considering if it was okay to answer honestly. “We’ve had NHL scouts. It’s, uh, getting to the point where we have to decide if we’re staying here for fourth year or not.”

“Shit.” Ransom looked impressed. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I think they’re starting to look at Samwell as one of the top colleges to try and pick from or something. Dex and I aren’t talking about it much. We don't want to affect each other’s decision.” His teeth worried at his lip. The reminder of next year's uncertainty got more and more stressful the closer to a decision he felt. The hiss of air next to him told him that Ransom could see some of his doubts, and the next thing Derek knew, he was being steered towards the stairs.

In the attic, they settled on the double  which had replaced the bunk beds about a year earlier, and Derek stretched out so that he was staring at the ceiling. Ransom flopped onto his stomach and tilted his head to look at him.

“What's up?”

“It's stupid.”

“Isn't it always? Okay, start easy. Do you want to play NHL next year or stay here?”

“I want to play NHL, of course I do.”

“And you want Dex to do the same but he's not so sure?”

Derek squeezed his eyes shut. “No. No, I think he'd regret not doing that last year. I didn’t come here for the degree. I came for the college experience, and I can leave after three years knowing I got it. He came as the first person in his family to go to college. It was an effort for him to get here. You never know what might happen with hockey and realistically something could happen that first year before we've made enough to get by on, and I can shrug and live on my parents’ money and maybe write a book or some shit, but he— It would kill him.”

There was a long silence. “Well why the hell aren't you telling him you think that?”

“Because half the time we fight it's about money. And— And because this hits too close to our first ever fight. I applied for the scholarship even though I didn’t need it and he did. What if— What if it’s my privilege talking when I say I want to go into the NHL, but that’s not for him? At least not now. Isn’t it kind of fucked for me to want that success straight away, but want him to wait?”

Ransom pulled the toy frog he and Holster had gifted to them at graduation towards him and had what looked like a staring competition with it while he thought. “I’ve never known you and Dex to avoid fights,” he finally said. “You tell each other what you think, whether it’ll annoy the other one or not. That’s how you work.”

It was true. Derek so rarely told people what he really thought of them, but with Dex he always had, and in the end it had turned into a strange form of trust. Similarly, back in the beginning when Dex was trying to mold himself into somebody he wasn’t, it was only back in the confines and privacy of their shared dorm that he let himself open up, heart pouring out for Derek to see, to the point where they didn’t know how to function when they had to pretend not to know such things about each other. “This is different. This is our futures. Besides, it’s the sort of fight we couldn’t keep up here. It would affect the whole team.”

Ransom stiffened for a moment, and when their eyes crossed, Derek knew both of them were thinking about all those altercations between Ransom and Holster the year before. Making life decisions was difficult.

“Nursey, bro, the main thing is you want what’s best for him.” There was a crack in his voice which betrayed a hint of emotion at the acknowledgement that Holster had only ever wanted the same for him. “And when it comes to privilege- I mean, fuck, have you spent so much time teaching yourself about classism that you’ve forgotten that you playing in the NHL will automatically put you on a Wiki page of Black players in the League? And you'll literally be like the third person with desi heritage. Hockey’s so fucking white, Nursey. You can’t let an opportunity like this pass you by because you’re trying to cater to your white boyfriend’s feelings.”

Derek nodded. He knew that it was true, but forcing himself to make a decision without factoring Dex in seemed impossible.

“Way I see it, Nursey, not talking to each other is making this decision more difficult than if you were. What if he’s thinking the exact same thing but he thinks you want him to go with you?”

“That’s the other thing, though!” Derek said, sitting up. “What if we can’t do long-distance? We’ve been living together in the same fucking room as each other ever since the second time we ever met. It’s not even just since we’ve been together, it’s since before that. We don’t know each other apart. We just went from hating each other’s guts to— to—”

“To disgustingly domestic?”

“Whatever. But we did all of that while living together, and the one summer we were apart was difficult enough and now we’re even closer and he’s my best friend and I don’t know how this would work. We don’t even—” His hand shook a little and he dug his fingernails into his palm as he tried to push the words out. “We probably have sex less than your average long-distance couple already.”

“Woah.” Ransom’s hand flew out and grabbed Derek’s, prising his fingers out of a fist. “That’s personal. You don’t need to tell me that.”

“But it’s relevant. What if we go all that time not seeing each other, and then when we do I’m not in the mood. Am I just supposed to expect him to be okay with that?”

“Dex knew what he was signing up for. If he really isn’t okay with that, he doesn’t deserve you, but I’m willing to bet Jack’s annual salary that he loves you, asexuality and all, and won’t begrudge it. Your relationship is way more than sex.” Derek knew he didn't look convinced, because Ransom let out a heavy sigh and continued. “Long-distance doesn’t work for everyone, right? But it does for some people, and you two— It’s up to you to make it work, eh? I know I’m the last person who should be giving advice on making it work considering my relationship couldn’t handle a move to Boston, but a lot of that was me not putting in the effort. I kept just thinking March and April have each other, so if I’m tired after another full day of med school, I don’t have to ring, or Holster’s got a game this weekend and it’s easier to get to that than it is to get to Samwell for their game, and what if I screw up his rituals by not being there? But if you put in the effort, and if you keep talking to each other, why shouldn’t you be able to manage it?”

Derek stared at a stain on the ceiling - the one which Holster insisted had been there before he moved into the attic, even though Ransom didn’t remember it being there to begin with despite it being right above where his top bunk had been. A long-distance relationship with Dex was incomprehensible to him after all this time of waking up next to him, and every time he tried to imagine it, doubts plagued his mind.

“Hey,” Ransom said softly, and Derek looked back at him. “This will be good for you. If you know you can get through this year, you can get through anything with him. If you can't, it's better to know now when you've both got a definite support system around and you'll have something to throw yourselves into. Otherwise, what? Five years down the line you've got kids to think about and you end up traded across the country from each other and realise that you actually don't know how to function apart?”

Derek nodded. “You're right. I know you are, it just makes me wonder why we have to change anything if we're happy.”

“Things change, bro, that's life. Don't turn down the opportunity to follow your dreams for love. Didn't La La Land teach you anything?”

“I didn't watch it.”

“Oh. Not everyone lives with Holster, eh?”

Derek snorted, but when he responded, it was with a sincere shrug. “He might be worth making new dreams for.”

“Nah, he isn't. Nobody's worth that unless they're willing to do anything they can to let you follow the ones you already have and if that's the case there's no point changing them. What difference does it really make doing it a year early? It's not like the odds of the same team signing you both is that great and it's probably lower signing the same year. You're allowed your own dream. You're allowed to want to give up on college for it and still think Dex should stick it out here. And he doesn't have to make his decision based on you thinking that but also you don't have to make your decision based on what Dex wants. Except you don't even know what he wants! You're just stressing over making sure he's happy and comfortable and please just think about why that's so fucked up.”

Derek’s breath hitched “I know. I know, okay. I'll talk to him. I'll tell him I'm doing it.”

“Good. You can fulfill my dream, too.”

When Derek looked over to see what Ransom meant, he was met with a mischievous grin. He narrowed his eyes. “What?”

“Well, I have a dream that one day—”

“Oh my God.”

“The Black boys and girls can play hockey with the white boys and girls.”

“That's already a thing.”

Ransom carried on as if Derek hadn’t said anything. “And I have a dream—”

“Are you really doing this, you absolute nerd?”

“That one day the Atlanta Thrashers won't be accused of reverse racism for hiring Black players.”

“Pretty difficult seeing as they aren't a team anymore.”

“But also that they won't only hire Black players to give themselves a particular fan-base.”

“Are you done?”

He grinned. “I don't know, are you convinced?”

Derek pushed himself off the bed. “Honestly, I'll do it. You're right. I have to do this; it's not an opportunity I can miss, and I want to do it now, not in a year when it'll just feel like wasting time.”

Ransom jumped up to hit him on the back. “Look at my little frog, all grown up and mature and ready to face the world.”

“You're so embarrassing,” Derek muttered as they started back down the stairs to rejoin the kegster. “Uh, but thanks.”

“Any time, bro. I mean that. You've got my number.”

They sidled up to Holster and Dex who each silently demanded if everything was okay. Derek swung himself up to sit on the arm of Dex’s chair, and placed his feet in his lap. The look Dex gave him said ‘we need to talk,’ but his fingers were gentle and reassuring as he ran them up Derek’s calves. Hopefully, they were on the same page.