#since theres always several more people out there who are getting it right

[relaxxattack]

i legit feel that ''Davekat being lazy hermits who never leave their homes'' is in the same level of mischaracterization as ''Rosemary being these proper tea drinking ladies who always give the best romantic advices'' like JDBJBDC OF ALL THE CHARACTERS

this is SOOOO TRUEEEE like STOPP.

the main characterization we get of them hanging out as buddies is LITERALLY them butting into and meddling with terezi's bad relationship with gamzee... and thats not even to mention the get-shit-done-ers that they are on their own, which i already outlined in that post. its like incredible that people took the most paper thin readings and ran with them.

did we forget dave wing-manning rosemary? like WHERE is davekat planning the rosemary wedding.... that is some content i would love to see

[imsofreakingtired]

ok since the people are asking for a sequel to this fic... i must deliver 🫡

crawling back to you

content warning(s): angst - buT THERES A HAPPY ENDING I SWEAR

"crawlin' back to you, ever thought of callin' when you've had a few? 'cause i always do maybe i'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new."

~~~

Sevika catches you halfway back to the apartment. You are bathed in the neon light of the sign of the Last Drop several steps ahead, making you feel like a hologram. That might have been all you were to Sevika. A hologram. Something pleasant to look at, not tempting enough to touch.

“Baby,” she says, “let me explain.” 

She’s not even out of breath. Your world is falling apart and she probably just decided to walk leisurely after you, as if you barely mattered more than just another one of her girls. 

You avoid her gaze. “I thought you were busy tonight.” 

“I am,” she snaps. “This is ridiculous.” 

You’re silent.

“Did you actually think I was going to Babette's every night? You think I’d lie to you that way?” 

“I don't know,” you hiss. “Would you?” 

You know people are overhearing the two of you, but your anger bubbles over like a boiling vat of undiluted Shimmer. Sevika glares down at you, and you feel a twist in your heart. This is the end of everything. Even though she’s the one at fault, she’s the one with the records in Babette’s and not you, you feel like you’re the one pulling all the wrong strings. 

Your question hurts her more than she would ever let on. Of all the people who’d accuse her of lying, she never thought the dagger would be driven home by you. She wants to tell you she’s sorry, that she doesn’t know why she went into the arms of a stranger rather than risk being vulnerable to you. She wants to tell you all she was trying to do was protect you from her. She wants to ask: if she showed you the cracks in her skin where she’d broken and put herself together again, would you still stay?

But she can’t, because now there’s a wall of ice between you and you are already turning away. This time, she doesn’t follow. 

When she comes home late that night, the apartment is empty. 

~~~

You have found a small, run-down inn where the rats skitter beneath the floorboards and the water doesn’t run half the time, and you’ve sworn every single person you know to secrecy regarding your whereabouts. Every day that goes by feels heavier without Sevika. 

You smoke Shimmer vaporizers to escape the lonely silence of the room, you find work in a scrap metal shop and spend every waking minute of the day trying not to miss her. Trying not to fall into that endless pit of remorse. Go back, go back, get the fuck back and apologize. She was a mess when you met her. You know she can’t live without you. You’re terrified she might do something dangerous and reckless to herself, that she might hurt herself or worse. You find yourself wondering at night if she had eaten dinner or if she had just gone to sleep after a smoke and a shot of whiskey. You have nightmares of seeing her dead at your feet. 

One night it rains like Zaun has never seen before. It’s like the sky has opened up like a wailing mouth, or a gaping wound. Torrents of rainwater rush between buildings and submerge basements. It’s a night no one in their right mind would ever bother going out in. 

So of course that’s the night you hear the banging on your door. 

You open it, a broken bottle in hand, ready for a threat. You think it could be the manager, a sneaking thief who stealthily raises the price of the rooms with each passing week. 

Instead you see Sevika. 

Her prosthetic arm is detached and she isn’t wearing her cloak. Her hair is plastered wetly against her face. Her clothes are drenched. 

Your first thought: is she out of her mind?

Your second: oh my gods. She’s lost her mind.

“How did you know I was here?” You demand loudly. “Are you trying to catch your death?” 

The second part of the sentence comes out as instinct, and you’re embarrassed but it’s too late. Her brows were knit together like thunderclouds, but her expression softens slightly when she hears the concern in your voice. She had been preparing herself for anything. She was convinced you had already found someone new, and were living with them. Now there’s hope. You might still care about her. 

“Get the fuck in here,” you snap, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her into the room as if she’s a misbehaving child. You yank the moth-eaten sheets off the bed and throw them around her shoulders. “Are you drunk? Why aren’t you saying anything?” 

Fear pierces through your irritation. Has something happened? Is she sick? Is she running from something?

Sevika looks down at you, watching wordlessly as you try to rub the water off her skin. When you let go of her, she lets the sheets fall to the floor. 

You throw your hands up helplessly. “What are you doing here? Who told you I was here?” 

“You think I needed a gingerbread trail to find you?” 

You fall quiet, cursing yourself inwardly. Sevika probably knew where you were since the day you left. 

You know why she’s here. You can see it in her eyes, where all her unspoken emotions betray her. But she can’t translate them into words. She can’t say the words you need to hear. 

You sit down on the bed with a heavy sigh. The room is silent but for the sound of dripping water. Finally you speak. 

“Babette says you only went there once.” You look at her. “Why?” 

She looks down. “I was drunk.” 

“You gonna use that excuse every time from now on?”

“No,” she says sharply. “I thought—I thought I didn’t have you anymore.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

She shakes her head, frustrated. “I don’t know. I don’t know, I just—I—” 

She comes forward suddenly, and you instinctively draw back, thinking she might hit something. There’s a desperate look in her face that you’ve never seen before. But she doesn’t raise her hand. She kneels on the floor in front of you. 

“Sevika, what—?”

“Take me back,” she pleads, her voice rough. “I swear it’ll never happen again, so—take me back.” 

You try to stay angry. You try to push her away. But when you look in her dark grey eyes and see the tears standing on the lashes, you find you can’t do either. You feel the heat of her body against your knees, and as you slowly remove the string tying her hair and run your fingers through the wet strands you realize with a pang just how badly you missed her. 

Sevika gives a sigh and lays her head down in your lap. 

“You’re not entirely forgiven yet,” you tell her. 

“I know,” she says, her voice muffled. 

It’s as close as she’ll ever come to saying she’s sorry. You think it’s not a bad start. 

~~~

note: your honor she is just a sad wet puppy in the rain and has done nothing wrong in her life ever 😭🙏

~~~

taglist~

@notlores @demothers-empty-blog @theyluvbix @archangeldyke-all @prettyinpink69 @beatdariceee @sevikaaaalover @intrnetrbl @ 00valentina-writes00  @zelluna @mamas-evil-hag @sevikassluttywaist @justhereforsubsevika @iliterallyhavenoideawhattosay @lez-zuha @mascdom @tiyawnyana  

[mana-is-lost]

so... Things I noticed in Finding Frankie

I've been hyperfixating on Finding Frankie since it came out, so I'm making a list of all the things I've noticed so far. some of these are pretty obvious but I want to write it down(Some of these may count as headcanons or hypotheses that I'll expand on later on)

In the beginning cutscene, we see that it took the player 764 or more boxes of cereal to find the tape, and after finding it, they put it in an old VHS player that has a Frankie sticker on it. All of this shows that not only did the player know what they were getting into from the beginning, but are a fan of the show as well.

The show is privately funded and streamed, yet people keep buying the cereal and accepting invitations. this makes me wonder if these cereal boxes are only sold once or twice a year, and only in places where people are desperate enough to risk their lives for money.

"Real Frankie" is always watching, and I don't mean just through the cameras. Theres several places all through out the game in wich he's hiding in the shadows, possibly recording us? I wonder why...

Monster Frankie can talk, but it probably takes a lot of effort to do it. We can hear him laugh when he's introduced, right before the doors shut close. We can also hear him laughing at the very end, right before the noob noobs fall on him. so there's a possibility that he's the one who yells "STOP MESSING UP MY FUCKING GAME SHOW!"

"Real Frankie" stops calling us "Lucky Contestant" after we win. He and Henry call us lucky all through the game except for the ending. I get the feeling this is because, to him, we stop being just "lucky enough" to survive and are instead seen as someone very skilled and ambitious. and he likes that.

In the elevator that takes us to frosty peak, our heart beat becomes loud and we can hear muffled yelling. This sounds like frankie, but its almost as if they are having a conversation with someone. maybe its "Real Frankie" and monster Frankie arguing over us living for so long?

thats all for now, tell me if you noticed any more fun details! ☺🌸

[hairscare]

as someone who has used a cane for over 2 years now ive noticed a really interesting bias against canes by able bodied people in comparison to other mobility aids. when we were at the same college my roommate used forearm crutches and i had my cane, and it became a joke to us how much more helpful and accommodating people were towards him (of course still overall bad- but better). the main example we always talk about is that people would fall over themselves to help him with doors, even to the point that it would get inconvenient (like trying to open the door to the accessible bathroom for him but in the process standing in the bathroom), meanwhile people would let doors shut on me without batting an eye. he started using a cane recently so i asked him about if there was a difference in how people treated him and he said there was a noticable difference and that people were less eager to help him when he was using it in comparison to the crutches. i have a few theories as to why:

1. most canes you see in media being used by someone who isnt elderly are aesthetic canes, and so people dont take it as seriously if a younger person is using one

2. unlike a lot of mobility aids, canes are one handed, which gives the illusion of an extra hand free. what people dont understand is that yes, while i do have an extra hand free, i am using that hand double time since the other one is occupied. also a lot of things require two hands (especially for someone with a disability) so doing everything one handed can be tough. i use my dominant hand to hold my cane since my pain is worse on my left side, which means that the hand i do have free isnt one i can use to type things in or write, so if i need to do that i have to put my cane under my arm and use my right hand

3. canes are taken less seriously as mobility aids since to an able bodied person they dont look as severe, which gives the impression that cane users are more capable than other mobility aid users. while yes, it is true that canes can be a starter mobility aid that will eventually be traded for another type as symptoms progress, that doesnt mean that canes are for Disability Lite. me and my roommate used our mobility aids for similar reasons and have had very similar pain experiences, we just used different aids. canes are also a significantly cheaper option compared to other aids and are easier to find in stores, and so are much more accessible. besides all that though, there shouldnt even be a bar for how disabled a person needs to be to recieve help, which id argue is a very controversial opinion to have anymore

4. canes are still a joke. they are still widely used as a funny prop to indicate that someone is old, incapable and feeble. even on tumblr i still see people utilizing canes in this way in artwork and memes, and thats obviously very alienating. mobility canes arent props, and you probably should not draw someone with one unless you actually intend to have that character need it

in my short 2 years of using a cane i have already faced so much ableism, most of which has come from young left leaning people. of course theres a wider issue of disabled people being the odd group out in the effort to stop bigotry since literally everyone will punch down on us. there are also certainly privileges to using a cane compared to other mobility aids. but its also incredibly strange how invisible they are, like people forget that i have one for a reason

[avirginslament]

analysis of Severance season 2 intro and potential and complete spoilers up to date.

rewatching the new intro again and again (because i still cant believe they managed to make it even weirder than season 1's like im bffr when i say i used to find season 1 intro extremely weird in a mesmerizing way but season 2 intro makes that look do much more tamer) i noticed that theres an obvious involvement of balloons? with faces ofcourse. it made me think how in the intro, innie mark is walking down a basement and comes across several balloon heads. it made me think if its the same place gemma and others are who dont particularly have an outtie or their outties are locked in the basement below the severed basement.

there an obvious angle to helly and gemma as innie mark searches for someone and helly runs to the left who springs up from innie marks shadow. similarly so does gemma but she goes to the right. and ofcourse we cannot ignore the eerie elevator irving draws and the zoom and flicker between helly and gemma being in it meaning at some point mark has to make a choice among the two.

one of my favourite bits is when mark sort of ODs and does so because his outties head inflates and merges with the innies head and suddenly it deflates, which made me think if he too was being converted into what people down there are like until but then i thought maybe they just reintegrated. he basically gets reintegration sickness which petey had.

but then innie mark gets pulled away by outie mark who lifts up the wall and take innie mark outside. innie mark here is obviously sick because of the reintegration. and heres the fun bit. the book they are standing on, which is also grassy, each side has severed heads of helly and gemma and then we see cobel with a booklight head peering at them quite voyeuristically confirming that she enjoys the mindgames surrounding gemma and mark. she gets off of it. she likes watching 2 people so in love, but cant recognise each other because shes just that twisted. no wonder she brings in gemma's candle for innie marks wellness session because she wants to see how severance works and how they would react. its like her own personal vivarium. which can also mean why the book with helly and gemma's head is grassy. another fun bit is when innie mark jumps inside the head to only become this oil painting goat. they are obviously being experimented on and being observed, like in a vivarium.

i think lumon is about to experiment on mark with project cloud harbour they've got. but his outtie is going to resist and try to pull him out, to reintegrate, as seen in the intro where the severance injectiom with innie mark inside (or the chip) is being pulled out of marks head and ourtie mark tries to pull innie mark from his head into the known world, tho only partially successful as he gets stuck midway. no wonder why in the previous paragraph as i states, outtie mark is holding a clearly sick or injured innie mark.

i bet this whole procedure is something to do with kier and the revolving and the project harbour mentioned because innie mark is literally surrounded by baby kier? its possible since lumon is obsessed with mark. they didnt fire him, they invited him back. maybe its something to do with him and gemma since their case is just so extraordinary.

like im onto something, i have the pieces with me but i cant seem the put them together.

edit: the balloons are their consciousness. i just didnt have the right word because my mind was faster than my fingers. also i have always assumed that red nightsuit mark was the innie and the suited guy was the outtie...unless...

[stayatsam]

dragon age fanbase is crazy because every time a new game comes out theres the same cry about them somehow ruining the lore story that they've been following ever since the first game. it's the same old story since origins

VEILGUARD SPOILERS UNDER CUT

some complaints ive seen plus the games' explanations:

"the archdemons are tied to the elven gods?" yeah they've been hinting at that for some time

"the maker might not be real?" the entire chantry being built on a lie was kind of spot on since origins. we found out in trespasser that it was solas who made the veil, also.

"why do the dalish know the gods are evil/blighted?" because solas' agents have been spreading the word, and the veil jumpers also discovered more about the true history, a veil jumper rook even says so themselves. veil jumper codex' entries also seem to imply not all of the gods were on the scale of elgar'nan and ghilan'nain, (it's more complex than They Are All Evil Evil Evil Tyrants. it's similar to orlais' politics, i won't get into all that though. like, they were all tyrants in their own way in the same way the other rulers in thedas are)

"i cant believe they destroyed southern thedas!" well it IS a double blight and southern thedas has the least amount of grey wardens right now, the entire region has been unstable for decades. ten years isn't long enough to recover from three wars (mage-templar, corypheus, war of lions, and ten years prior it's also said it takes decades to recover from a blight). i'd be mad if the south got off without any damage from the literal apocalypse

"why would orlais' nobility side with the venatori?" orlais has always been one of the most corrupt nations on thedas, inquisition put a bandaid on its civil war, no wonder some of them sided with the venatori. solas says again and again it doesn't matter WHO the gods are, they're dishing out glory and power to selfish people who crave glory and power

"why do the venatori worship elven gods?" the elven gods ARE the the old gods of tevinter in its glory days, plus solas even says it doesn't matter who they worship so long as they have power, and the gods give that to them. venatori combat barks specifically call out to the old gods, too. plus there's so much blood magic and mind control going on they might not even be fully aware these are elves they're worshiping

"they sanitized the crows" i wish we got more morally dubious crows too and i won't lie they definitely took a less offensive side to them, but lucanis' and illario's various dialogues definitely imply they had an abusive upbringing under caterina. there's also banter of how zevran's house murdered 8 of their own members after origins. the crows are such a massive organization too we're ONLY seeing treviso. not to mention zevran's been killing antivan crow leaders for the past twenty years to purposefully shake up the organization. things change in twenty years

"the lords of fortune are too nice to be pirates" they aren't pirates, they're treasure hunters/scavengers that ransom relics to orlesian nobles. ngl not a whole lot to say since i think they're a boring faction and i wish we got to see more of them

"they took the slavery/evil parts out of tevinter" they definitely toned down tevinter i am also disappointed we don't get to see more of its gritty side but we do meet venatori slaves and save several from blood magic rituals, the venatori torture a halla in front of a kidnapped dalish clan, if you save treviso you'll see public executions and carts piled with bodies swarmed by flies in the streets of minrathous

like. i have genuine complaints about the game and i wish they handled certain things differently and with more detail but the writers have confirmed they're still working off the same worldbuilding that was written for origins

Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain are also 10x better villains than Corypheus ever was, i'd say they're probably the series' funnest main antagonists yet

[pesedjet]

more semi-related yapping because my wrist has been hurting from arting too much lately (i hadnt properly drawn this much in several months and im attempting to render a piece related to said comic and unfortunately i cannot sit down and do it all in one sitting anymore because i am old now and also doing it on an ipad) (also i love talking)

was brewing up some headcanons the other day and one of them was making osiris the only straight person lmfaoooo since im on the hte x seth grindset why not talk about hte this time around?

i think hes pretty easy: hes gay ❤️ yeah thats it. thats the post. thanks for reading

—

now in terms of the actual mythos, we all know horus in any iteration has always been associated with seth, whether that be as a parallel to the throne (elder) or as someone to defeat for the throne (younger), and so it makes sense for both iterations to primarily be attracted to seth. obviously both have a lot of wives (younger has like 12 scorpion ones lmfaoo) but like lets be real. who gaf. nobody cares. theyve always been associated with seth, hence why im making them both gay (though this post is talking about hte so ill drop hty for now).

i think in my version of the mythos, there will be very little gods who same-sex attraction. mostly because in actual egyptian mythos a male-female pair is basically the order of the universe (eg. the ogdoad, most ennead pairings) (im also explaining this poorly so feel free to rag on me), and so most gods (actually. all gods) will be paired with a female counterpart or have a wife of some kind. if there are any gods who experience some sort of same-sex attraction (such as bastet, who ive headcanoned as a lesbian), then they usually figure that out way later in life when theyve mingled with a lot of the opposite gender.

where horus comes in is that he pops out of the womb and he knows. he just knows. he looks to his side and he sees seth and thats all he needs to know. without land there cannot be sky; without barren desert there cannot be any possibility of fertile fields. loving seth is as easy is breathing for him. while trying to type this up i was thinking if there was a possibility for horus to be a general homosexual (i.e, just finding men attractive) but im going to retcon that before i even make it a thing. horus is seth-sexual—he will only be attracted to seth, to all of seth, and to the idea of seth. he is fiercely loyal (fitting for how he was made to be king), so having him be attracted to virtually anyone else seems wrong. also makes for great angst ^_^

theres a lot i can say about them but then this post would be like 20,000 words. in short, they are soulmates. you cant really separate the two. when hty becomes a thing and people begin to see seth as an enemy rather than a compliment, you lose the plot. sure, enemies to lovers is a wonderful thing, but egypt is all about balance, of ma'at. hty/seth is an imbalance to seth because it puts all of the attention on hty as some up-and-coming superstar. hte/seth puts them both on equal footing. i hope that makes sense. seth is an integral part of the throne—while peacekeeping is important, conquest and expansion are crucial in order to not get trambled. both are war gods, but seth has more of an emphasis on those sorts of things.

so when hte lets go of seth by giving osiris the rights to the throne, egypt loses that stability in a way by creating a problem in making seth feel betrayed. (he didnt love horus because he wanted to be next in line, but as his "spouse" youd think hed pass it onto seth). horus also loses that stability as well—its like ripping out your heart and tearing it in two. its not the same and it never will be—for either of them.

—

little tidbit i wanted to slot in because i originally typed all this shit out because i wanted to write this 🤦 i love having adhd guys:

hathor is usually paired with ra, but shes also usually paired with horus too. since ive elected to make ra single father, naturally her attention falls to the next in line. horus hasnt really told anyone/isnt out to most others because the other gods can just sense. its his vibe. but hathor musters the courage anyways.

she gets rejected pretty swiftly. this was hathors first rejection—nobody dares reject the goddess of love! instead of becoming angry like sekhmet wouldve, she asks why horus turned her down. it only takes him to peer over her shoulder to realize why (seth had been behind them, minding his own business, and horus had to say hi).

shes so giddy that this usually stuck-up (yes, horus is only a softie for seth) leader likes someone else that shes like "whatever! if that what it takes to make you not be a jerk all of the time, then go for it!" and has had zero issues since. in fact, she supports them whole-heartedly. (fujoshi)

[zvmz]

A few Cerise Hood HCs <3

okay so obviously- shes tall. like 5'11

ramona is 6 foot, tho. she constantly brags about being taller

once every few months, her whole family rents an air bnb in the middle of nowhere. they all go meet there and spend a few days together where no one can see. they do a full week twice a year

cerise is very ticklish, and her mom is a tickler

nobody in school knows shes ticklish because her friends are very respectful of her personal space, since cerise is uncomfortable with physical contact, and everyone else is too scared to touch her, much less tickle her

MUSCLES!!!! LOTS OF THEM!!!!!!!

she has a very unhealthy obsession with hot chips

and she will put an absolutely insane amount of hot sauce on her food. she used to use only a normal amount of hot sauce on her food, but has been slowly increasing the amount just to mess with raven, who has zero spice tolerance

always asks raven if she wants a taki when she buys a bag. again, just to mess with her

loves film bro movies. yk like christopher nolan, quentin tarentino, martin scorsese type stuff

is starting to get genuinely concerned as to why cedar hasnt picked up on her being half-wolf. i mean they LIVE TOGETHER

the truth is every time cerise slips up and does something um wolf-like, cedars like hmm interesting i guess thats just a human thing i didnt know about and forgets about it

sparrow considered cerise his cool cousin. cerise considers him her annoying cousin

used to sneak liquor with sparrow at family reunions (hood side only obviously)

does finger guns way too much

she has on multiple occasions used her cloak to pretend shes batman while singing "something in the way" in a raspy voice

knows so much gossip bc shes so quiet and in the shadows that people forget shes there and talk right in front of her

has a habit of biting her nails

went through a fnaf phase when she was 10-11

has had the same pair of ratty, falling apart converse for years now and refuses to buy new ones

running with carmine through the forest is like therapy to her. any time shes stressed she'll go for a run to take her mind off things

sometimes she'll decide to take a quick nap with carmine, but she has a habit of just falling asleep for hours in the forest

sometimes she would accidentally sleep out way past curfew and have to sneak in to her dorm

cedar taught her how to paint (i think theres actually a frame in the series showing cerise painting a wolf)

cerise doesnt paint often, but occasionally when cedar is painting, she'll come sit next to her and do her own thing

cerises dad loves rock music. he was definitely a "what band is this?" dad. music is one of the things they bond over the most

he gave her a diskman for her last birthday and has bought her a cd every time they've visited each other since then

she talks and moves around alot in her sleep

its scared the crap out of cedar on several occasions

will bite you if you steal her food

has bit ramona for stealing her food

has been bit by ramona for stealing her food

is always uncomfortable around the rich royals, but has always felt somewhat at ease around ashlynn for some reason, she has no idea why

cupid knows cerises secret, of course she knows how to spot a werewolf

she has very fast reflexes

when the students had their year book pictures taken, the photographer refused to take cerises picture unless she took her hood off. cerise argued with him for a while before she finally just walked out

she tried explaining the situation to headmaster grimm but he just told her that if she wants to be in the yearbook, she has to follow the photographers rules

the truth is grimm was getting suspicious about the hood and wanted to see what was up. he paid the photographer to try to get her to take the hood off

anyways now hes even more suspicious

eventually, once a good amount of students join the rebellion, cerise reveals her secret

once she finally looses the hood, she decides to get a haircut. she gets a wolf cut, of course

a few months after her secret is revealed, its as if her personality did a complete 180. she becomes much more confident. louder. happier.

[monosanimegenericzone]

Hunter x Hunter: Black voice part 5? 6?

i give up i dont know how shalnarks antenna work.

i just binge read the manga last night and i have not the damndest clue how he gets that shit back.

we dont see him use them back to back at any point by himself. so theres reason to assume that he goes back and gets them. his ass dont gotta worry about leaving fingerprints or dna behind bcs hes off the record.

one of the many benefits of living in meteor city 👍

but in chrollos fight vs hisoka.

first of all the antenna change form. in Chrollo's hand they turn into rounded pins with angel wings.

we see here (according to my handy dandy diagrams-) that they both appear CANONICALLY.

chrollo has little angel wings. and shal has little bat wings.

why tho.

it heavily implies that the antenna are then conjured and take a form towards the user's preference. idfk how or why this is even a thing because it was shal who pointed out that if you strip a manipulator of their tools, he may as well be powerless.

plus hisoka says this. so they are definitely able to either be dematerialized or recalled immediately. (if they are conjured they would disappear automatically because chrollo deactivated the ability)

it could tie into additional conditions?

because that's an ability that requires crossing into other nen categories which spends a lot of aura (assuming shal isn't multiclassed into a specialist since. that is possible) (COUGH kurta shal COUGH).

ON TOP OF THAT. since the antenna are being separated from his body, that would mean he's using emitter techniques as well. he's transmitting aura across long distances, that is emitting.

and like we see with kastro, mastering another nen ability before your primary, or even in tandem with your primary, can 'fill up your memory' or in this case, over-spend your output and limit your natural class.

however, that isn't true for shalnark because he is maximizing his output by completely overriding someone's autonomy to the point of "behave normally". and he can do this with a maximum of two people. which is a lot! and he has the option (presumably) to release them from his control later on.

because adding a condition like "my puppets will always die when i relinquish control" will increase his output like 20 fold like we see with Illumi.

so this could mean two things:

shalnark is CONJURING the antenna but only at the beginning of fights and then going back to retrieve them so that he doesn't have to spend additional aura.

shalnark is EMITTING the antenna to and from him. it would weakly explain why they change shape based on who's holding them since their appearance would then be based on the aura of the individual. but it would make more sense since he's got 80% efficiency instead of 60%.

going with option 2. that means hisoka did destroy one of shal's two antenna here. he can never get that back. it could also lend to the idea that chrollo got the second antenna destroyed in the final explosion as well.

chrollo later apologizes to shal explaining that he had the phone but not the antenna and shal says it's fine. because he "doesn't need them right now" and im. sir what do you mean. sir.

I have the start of a theory that goes something like, his ability was originally kind of like illumi with several targets at a time with less complex commands. maybe even going so far as to lock them in a single location, sacrificing mobility for autonomy.

for his needs, that would be good enough. simply taking over a few key personnel and having them poison the pool of information is very him.

so he'd start with like 8 or 10 antenna and issue one or two complex commands relating to how the target "normally" behaves .

but then somewhere down the line he realizes he can control autonomy *and* behavior simultaneously. it just depends on him. and with his crazy amount of aura he might as well. he's got nothing else to lose.

so he puts a restriction on his ability that says he can't summon more than two antenna at a time and by cutting down the number of people he can control, he gets an increase in quality.

black voice confuses me. togashi explain.

this is a certified nen nerd post. and i am still confused.

this explains NOTHING.

[starsinkpop]

what do you think if theres blogs that are not only deeply obsessing with finding out ateez members exact fs but they also discussing their potential body parts. I tried telling them how weird and gross it was of them but they tell me I was taking it too far. what the fuck? am sorry but this kpop tarot thing is what is taking ppls obsession with idols fs too far. its bordering on creepy rn and its not just one blog theres like several of them that mainly focus on idols fs.

some blogs be claiming they dont dig too much but then they still think it ok to even discuss idols sexuality or some other aspect of their personal life.

i’m not really on that side of tumblr or social media so i can’t really say much about it. i have clear boundaries. im fine with certain readings about ateez’s fs but i wouldn’t do more readings than i have online right now. we already know more than enough. i keep getting a crazy amount of asks in my inbox of people trying to fit especially san’s fs aspects. i’m deleting all of them because none of those people reading my stuff and also myself will be their fs. some people really need to touch some grass. when i see certain physical traits in a reading i point them out, however i focus on personality only. what’s bothering me is how almost everyone on here in my inbox assumes that the members are straight. making their fs a girl at all times. we don’t know their sexuality and it’s quite frankly none of our business. we don’t know if their straight or part of the lgbtq+ community. this is why i keep my readings gender neutral because we don’t know shit.

now in general i don’t want to spread any negativity because life itself is already a big struggle for most of us. i want my blog to be a place where people could just entertain themselves for a bit and. so i won’t say anything about other readers because i honestly just can’t. like i said, im not on that side of tumblr. i get your point but you have to remember you’re telling me this, im a kpop (well just ateez) tarot reader myself and i’ve done reading about their fs too so 🤷‍♀️🤣 like i said, i have my boundaries with readings, won’t do any sexual readings and i don’t focus on looks. being someone who was crazily sexualized since being a child, i really hate this side of any fandom. there’s too many obsessions going on. you wanna know what happened when i saw the most recent pool pics of the members, especially san and woo? as a gym girly i was like “woah i really need to know their routine so i can shape my body like theirs” i can just admire them. viewers here are a little too delulu and have a hard time sticking to reality and form an own opinion it feels like. and I’m sure some readers feed into that. it’s giving you a ton of likes and if that’s their main purpose for posting i guess i get it. that doesn’t mean i’m okay with that but i know many people need validation like that. whenever there’s people coming up and officially date like twice’s jihyo for example i always feel really warm around my heart. gives me the feeling they can still have a bit of a normal life.

i don’t really have anything else to say and only repeat myself. i don’t know if i’m the right person to talk to about that, i do readings and did fs readings like what you just complaint about, but i have boundaries and know what’s reality. none of us will be with any of them, ever and viewers should stop honestly believing “omg XYs fs is like this and that, i’m just like that it has to be me they have to do more detailed readings so i can make it fit for myself”.

on another note, and this is in no means anything bad or hate whatsoever, i love getting asks from you but those long asks are sometimes a bit much because im not your diary, love 🤣 no hate. but it just felt like a rant and i do really like rants but my inbox is maybe not the best place for that because i don’t want to spam any of my followers page with that you know?

edit: you can still send me longer asks, but please try fitting the stuff you want to say into one ask and not three or more 💖

[clatoera]

Let's talk about Annie Cresta.

What do you think of Annie as a character?

Do you think Annie volunteer or being reaped for her games?

What's about her condition after winning the games?

Headcanon post-Mockingjay?

Thank you 😊

Oh sweet Annie.

I think we don't know enough about her. Annie is a victor in her own right, and we do NOT know enough about her. All we get is notes on how crazy she is, and fortunately, the depth of how Finnick loves her. Finnick, the most sought after man in the Capitol, has deep incredible love for Annie. I want her story, I want to know who she was before her games, about her life in 4. I want more on Annie. I want to know all about her.

Annie Cresta, even her name is so nautical (Cresting waves?? like how cool is that).

I don't think she volunteered. 4 is a career district sometimes, not always I don't think (could be wrong, but I know in the films Haymitch described 1 and 2 as the Career Districts, so my info is from that right now). I think she was reaped but got very lucky. To me, I've always sort of wondered if arenas were designed with certain districts and tributes in mind. Katniss and the woods so much like her home district. Annie..and the flooding Arena. Annie won specifically because she was the strongest swimmer. Only someone from 4 was going to pull that off. We don't know enough about Annie to know what her "career volunteering" skill would be, which leads me to believe she was reaped and then her skill was something she could have only developed as a 4 girl.

Her condition after winning the games is trauma. PTSD with severe trauma. People say she went insane, that she went mad. I think she had severe, unresolved, and untreated PTSD. She saw her district partner Beheaded in front of her, and frankly that would traumatize anybody. She panics onstage at the reaping because she could relive that trauma. I think she actually is representative of the trauma of the victors. We don't talk enough about the trauma of Victors, and I think she represents the culmination of what could happen, what happens when it's not addressed and treated. These kids come out as Victors and are paraded around and treated like queens and kings...but no one acknowledges these kids just watched 23 people died. Theres no therapy or counseling to deal with trauma, and I think Annie represents a significant and severe case of PTSD. I actually think all of the Victors have PTSD. I think it's evident in Katniss, Annie, Finnick, and Haymitch especially, but I do think it extends to them all. I think Enobaria, Gloss, Johanna, etc etc etc...they have trauma from their own games but also from watching their own tributes go in and die year after year.

Noone comes out of the arena unscathed and I think Annie exists as a caricature of that trauma. Everyone is one more kill, one more loss, away from Annie's madness.

But like I said. I don't think she's insane. I think she is traumatized.

Post Mockingjay?

Annie is a widow and single mother to a very young child. I can't imagine that was easy for her. I think she was at very high risk of post partum depression, Post Partum anxiety, and even Post Partum Psychosis, and I hope she had the support somehow that she needs. She would desperately need the support.

I think she keeps up to date with Peeta, Katniss, and maybe Johanna/other surviving victors from 13. Especially Peeta and Katniss, we know from the letter and picture she sends of him. I think they do visits a few times a year. Exchange letters on their children. They watch Finnick's son grow up and make sure he knows how remarkable and brave his father was. They support Annie since he is not there to do so.

I think knowing her son now lives in a world without the games helps heal her. She will never watch her son go through what she and Finnick did.

Most of all, I hope Annie received mental health support. She now has added trauma of losing her husband in a terrible way, and living through a war. Not to mention the Capitol torture she witnessed and faced herself. Annie has extra trauma to process now. I hope she has guidance and counseling like Katniss/Peeta get. I hope she gets help. She deserves it. AND she would be able to recover and move forward with joy.

Annie Deserves that.

Thank you!

@curiousnonny

[lemontongues]

yknow ive been thinking again lately about how i would like to see more realism in batman content, both canon and fandom, but not the Dark And Gritty kind. the kind thats like.

yes actually he is highly emotionally intelligent and does understand himself quite well and has just accepted that he is A Freak and decided to roll with it rather than being so horrifically emotionally repressed that he can barely even acknowledge that what hes doing is based in trauma. hes been in therapy since he was like 9 years old. he studies human psychology extensively both for himself and so he has better odds of predicting whats gonna go wrong and how when hes up against a rogue or negotiating a hostage situation or whatever. he meditates for two hours a day and is fully capable of keeping a healthy handle on his anger 98% of the time. he's nice to people and fun to be around and sincerely caring. if he were just Always Right but super isolated and reactive and cruel and controlling everyone would fucking hate him and no it wouldnt be enough to sustain his crimefighting activities, thats a stupid lone wolf fuckboy fantasy

he has a strict 9pm bedtime that he only breaks for mandatory WE/brucie activities or emergencies. if theres a gala where he needs to rub shoulders with ppl to gather intel or keep his company running he'll do it but hes Not Happy about being out until midnight and cuts out early as often as possible, and when hes chasing the joker around until 3am hes lamenting his poor sweet circadian rhythm that did nothing wrong ever in its life the whole time. when hes batmanning hes expending a fuckton of energy and he needs to make it up and have a well-established routine to counteract the punishment hes putting his body through. on a similar note, this man is building braces and compression into his suit and doing extensive physical therapy exercises every day of his life bc he wants to have helpful little things like "knees" and "shoulders" by the time hes 40, and hes probably eating a small farms worth of assorted leafy greens and several chickens per day

he is simply Never drunk and he doesnt actually have that much sex. hes really really good at faking a) being drunk and b) getting a high priority phone call from lucius the minute someone hes making out with starts trying to get his shirt off. he also does a lot of "hey look i gotta get out of here with my reputation intact, can we help each other out and pretend we're gonna go fuck?" kind of negotiating with ppl (see: his 9pm bedtime, plus sometimes hes gotta slip away from an event to be sneaky), which is how a lot of the more wild stories about him start circulating lol. this is a man who's regularly getting gassed/injected/etc with highly experimental substances created by maniacs trying to torment or kill him, he does NOT want substances like drugs or alcohol in his body that could potentially interact with them, and the last thing he needs is to be dealing with a pregnancy or sti scare. plus if he can play it safe with someone and have them think of him as a nice and trustworthy dude who just has a bonkers reputation, all the better for his batman activities!

idk i just feel like theres unexplored potential in a lot of that stuff bc so much of recent batman mythos is like HES SO HARDCORE AND CAN DO ANYTHING AND HES ALWAYS RIGHT CAUSE HES SO PARANOID AND DISRESPECTFUL OF PPL AND THEIR BOUNDARIES BUT ITS OKAY BC ITS IN THE NAME OF BEING RIGHT and im like. okay. gotta admit that i dont rly find that believable or in line with my values. can we talk about WE's sweet sweet employee benefits package and bruce designing his suit to take most of the impact off his knees when he jumps off a roof. members of the jl discovering that he gives shockingly balanced and insightful advice about their mundane personal problems. bruce printing his own batsymbol envelopes to leave people cash after he misaims his grappling hook and breaks their window. things of that nature.

[lets-jam]

🔥 Vergil 😂

well theres several reference posts i could link back to properly explaining this but all it amounts to is vergil aint shit. and like i dont mean that in a 'hes a pathetic wet man' or whatever idiotic thing ppl say kinda way i mean what they did with him after 3 and 1 is genuinely un entertaining not to mention nonsensical and so clear hes just there cause he makes everyone around here squee.

and speaking of hes not even a pathetic wet man even... like this mf has commited genocide against humans twice. i dont have a better word for that but like mass mass killings again twice. hes a villain. and every game since 3 played him as some kind of anti hero. he works better as a straight villain. tragic sure when you think about the life he n dante had with their family before that got violently interrupted but he made his choices! they go redemption on his ass? his ass would NOT choose redemption... EVER. and thats the entertaining part to me is he chooses wrong EVERY single time! he deludes himself thinking hes taking after the true legacy of his father, he cuts dantes hand when dante reaches out to him, he tries to fight mundus on his own cause he gasses himself up like a dumbass. like this string of bad choices before 5 came out very SENSICALLY resulted in his death after getting humiliated and tortured by the one who killed his mother and probably his dad and getting turned into some nameless demon slave that dante doesnt even register who hes killed till after. and that was great! he died! he was just dead! like forever! he exploded into light! but NOPE ressurect him cause hes *soooooo cooooooooool* and everyone *loooooooooves him* they trashed on his character tbh! they just shat over everything kamiya did with dmc1 so much with dmc5 not they had any respect for 1 to start with but like goddamn!

and it sucks cause he could be an entertaining character if they leaned into his flaws more of being extremely selfish, hair trigger temper instability, lashing out, mommy issues, daddy worship, fragility, inability to care and lack of a want to do so, hatred of humanity, superiority complex, feeling that everything dante got (affection and physical things) was rightfully his since the parents never planned to have twins, etc etc, but it all has to result in his death! cause hes a villain!!!! his father would look upon him full of anguish and disgust! lets do something with that

he should never have been in 5 he should never have been neros father, nero shouldve been his own thing, he shouldve never had a 'human' ''''half''', he shouldve never porked that nameless walking uterus cause literally how in tf would he ever do that like ever...again chara assassination, dantes character gets dragged down and ruined by his inclusion and the general shitty writing like UGH

also unpopular opinion related to this but v shouldve just been an original new character... not some nonsense 'vergils human half' WHICH BTW BRINGS ME TO ANOTHER THING the games establishing this weird like rule of the world that dante n vergils 'halves' can be separated like no!!!!! its very important that they are both and neither at the same time and like arent seprarable, they just are.

katana man just aint even cool bro... like wtf is wrong with people

also other thing is that in 5 he literally has several revelations about how shameful and wrong he behaved and acted n seems to show actual remorse for his actions, laments that dantes always the one that got chosen by his family cause unlike him he understood the message from the start n not too late like him, admits he wanted to feel safe... then they SHIT ON THE CHARACTER THEY ESTABLISHED UP TO THAT POINT WITHIN THE SAME GAME LIKE!>!?!?!?!? ITS MIND BOGGLING if v HAD to be in dmc5 as vergils ''''human half''' (hate the concept) it shouldve been as like a ghost (they exist in this universe according to the anime) making things right before dying against his rampant soulless demonic power corrupted by mundus other half or whatever but again WE NEED TO END WITH VERGIL DYING HE HAS TO DIE FOR THIS TO WORK. IF YOU WANTED A REDEMPTION ARC HE HAS TO BOTH DIE AND REFUSE POWER AND FINALLY CHOOSE THE RIGHT THING FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE ON HIS OWN FOR IT TO WORK. AND YOU CAN STILL HAVE THE TRAGEDY OF HIM BEING ALL 'YEAH ITS TOO LATE FOR ME. BUT NOT FOR OTHERS' and if i HAD to concede to him living (bad) itd be as a completely powerless person but i wouldnt want that, itd be tolerable though.

also another chara assassination thing is like dantes speech about 'my father was someone who fought for the weak, in the name of my father i *will* defeat mundus' from dmc1 gets thrown out the window for some nebulous undefined conflict bewteen vergil n dante in 5. like its an important thing dante actually gets pissed about demons killing humans!!! like whats his whole thing really!!!! and somehow in favor of hurr durr dante vergil fight we lose dantes whole deal about caring about like huamnity of which hes a part of btw in fact its something entirely unseparable form him digressing.

conclusion everything got SHAT ON to make room for vergil after 3.

this is the shit we got instead of treating and understanding that women are human beings with complex interior and exterior lives

[queercripintersex]

On intersex questioning

I recently put up a poll asking people what motivated them to question if they were intersex. Partly to know how "typical" I am. But also because I'm curious if people who are currently questioning their intersex status are noticeably different from those of us who already identify as intersex.

And I gotta say, the spread of responses look pretty similar!

Most of the asks I see on tumblr tend to be framed in medical terms. Personally, I was motivated more by social/psychological reasons (figuring out who I am and wanting to not feel like a lone freak). Turns out people like me are in the minority but we're hardly alone.

I honestly wonder how much of the medical asks are really about other things like belonging or gender but those reasons don't seem "valid" enough.

I wanna share the replies and reblogs because I would have found them useful to read back when I was questioning if I was intersex. I have lightly edited them for readability (if you wrote one and want to be quoted by username DM me!) To see the original comments go to the original post. Replies from intersex people "I went through several years of being confused about how I felt trans fem but also was afab. The day I was diagnosed with PCOS I searched it in Tumblr and found out it fell under the intersex umbrella and I accepted that identity for myself immediately. Intersex was never a question for me, it was the answer I had been looking for." "Multiple of the above! Mislabeled trauma and ignored medical issues made more sense after finding out, and a more general discomfort with how I look lessened after finding out, oh i look like this because of that and i look like that down there because of what they did to me"

"wanted to figure out both medical and gender stuff but medical was more pressing so i picked that one"

"never thought of myself as intersex until PCOS fucked my whole hormone cycle up. Now it feels weird not to say im intersex"

"medical issues and gender stuff i guess. I had stuff like slightly too early and too intense puberty and i was like. There is no way that this is normal theres gotta be something to explain this. And then after some time i found out there are hormonal intersex variations that do that stuff. Now to just get myself to accept that im still intersex on hrt 🙃"

"It was very complicated for me because for years I had a feeling that Something wasn't right. And I didn't technically have a period of questioning but I always did feel weird calling myself perisex bc I just felt Something was wrong. And then. Almost 2 years ago now. I was told by my parents that I had my chromosomes tested as a toddler. And I had triple X. They didn't seem to think it was a big deal or anything and so just never thought to tell me?. And then I had a brief questioning period on whether that counted as intersex but within a couple of days came to terms w it"

"Picking only one was tricky for me because the medical trauma and the gender stuff have been so deeply linked for me. [...] I didn't really seriously consider [questioning] until my mid-20s once I had access to therapy for the first time in my life ... At first in therapy the issues of medical trauma and of figuring out my gender were treated as though they were parallel issues but the more we explored them the more evident it was they were linked. When I went through hyperandrogen puberty it felt normal and appropriate, and everything my mom and doctors did to force my body into a female presentation was both traumatic and a source of gender dysphoria. [...] Figuring out I was intersex connected all the dots."

"Other. Wanted to know why people kept being confused by or shocked by my genitals. which honestly answered itself but then i wanted a more in depth medical answer Just In Case (like since i have ovotestis i am at risk of ovarian AND testicular cancer)"

💛💜💛

[sonicasura]

Both Sonic. Both cases are just about the worse things that can happen to the Defense Force. The Japanese Goverment isn't having any daisies and butterflies for that matter either.

And yeah, Kafka's friends from the sweepers did indeed think he was dead. They have not seen each other for like a decade at this point, Kafka was taken when he was 22 years old, so your pretty right on that. They get visitation allowence to meet Kafka after a long series of tests, document checks and agreeing to certain rules to follow.

On both sides, Kafka isn't very trusted yet by the goverment as a whole and thuse the visitations has to be supervised so to avoid accidents and the like. Among a few other things. Kafka don't mind though as he is just happy to see his old friends again.

Mina, Soshiro and Okonogi also becomes friends with the sweepers too. That group is a lot of fun after all.

Btw, whenever Kafka has to go to the Sixth Division, Soshiro always comes along even if he hates going there. The swordman wants to make sure his older brother don't cause trouble for Kafka. To say theres some very awkward and tense conversations between the two brothers ain't a understatment. Neither Kafka nor the officers of the Sixth knows what to do about it.

And how the public reacts to learning the truth about Kafka and Mirage Company? Lets just say riots are abound, people who still sees Kafka with suspicion and hate now needs more legit reasons to be so against him and lots of other things that happens at the revelation. It is also not helped that the goverment is dealing with a lot of shit from the other nations as well since they also learn about this too.

But lets go over to some other stuff yeah? Like say how Kafka managed to survive after his escape from Mirage Company. Like I've said before, during this time its Tiny who has full control. So he takes care of their needs and survival out in the wilds. With Kafka only allowed, for lack of better words, brief control that don't last very long. Tiny is unsure what to actually think of Kafka at this point, given the himbo's currently less then stable mind set.

The first successful attempt at harming himself not making the opinion any better. Its not until the Defense Force managed to find them that things change on that front.

With what little influence he as at this time, Kafka is the one who makes sure that Tiny don't kill any of the officers nor injuries for that matter when they start to try and capture him. Tiny is well aware who these people are thanks to Kafka's memories and ain't exactly happy to see them.

That once again changes when Mina is allowed to be part of the capture team though. Tiny finds it very hard to deny what is most likely their only safe option when person infornt of them is someone who Kafka trust deeply even now. As well as feel a deep guilt for as well.

And Mina? She ain't doing much better when she finally gets to meet Kafka face to face for the first time in years. Noone really blames her if she shed tears on the spot at seeing her old friend like this.

Kafka is definitely gonna get more hugs because the Sweepers know he needs some. Let the support group for this himbo grow bigger and stronger. Especially since more shit is gonna hit the fan.

I don't blame Tiny for taking the reins as Kafka ain't exactly in the right headspace. The larval kaiju would most likely soften his view once his host recovers mentally. I don't think Tiny is well equipped to gently handle someone with severe PTSD and other mental health problems.

Again, no one would blame Mina for crying when you consider how fucked up the situation is. Like I said with my more Hurt/Comfort oriented AUs like Venomous Call, she will blame herself for whatever happens to Kafka. Mina left him behind instead of trying to help or even stay in contact with her childhood friend.

She's definitely gonna destroy whoever leaked that information though.

[bagelsenjoyer14]

So when season two came out I promised I was going to dive into it and then I proceeded disappear but I'm back. Also I've been at school and work all day so sorry if some things dont make sense, or if theres any grammatical errors.

I know I talk about Crowley alot on here, but Azi has been on my mind lately, especially regarding his religious trauma. I mean this is one of the main plot points of season two (and a little bit in season one) Azi's main problem is that he still thinks in the very black and white, kind of old fashioned way of thinking that heaven is good, and hell is bad. We see this very very often in the show whether hes saying things like this to Crowley, for example:

(And in season two when he says something along the lines of "and you are evil, I'm afraid")

It seems something that Azi battles with for a long time, from when Azi freaks out when angel Crowley even CONSIDERS questioning God, he doesn't know what to say and goes in full panic. And these little remarks through the series shows what he still (tries) to believe. But I think he really begins to question during Job not only that he must be, by default, a bad angel for lying, yet he hasn't fallen, when someone like Crowley didn't do anything as severe and yet he fell?

But the problem Azi has is he cannot let this ideaology go. I mean we see him TRY to in season one and season two, he fundementally thinks Crowley is a good person, and he knows deep down the things heaven is doing is horrible. But Azi is too forgiving (we see this with Gabriel) and too optimistic in what heaven COULD be/ what God COULD be planning.

And this dynamic between him and Crowley is really interesting, it kind of shows the two spectrums of what religious trauma can do. Crowley, for example, has accepted early on that God has abandoned him, and he has learned the hard way that neither side is good and is instead better off fending for himself. We do see in his desperate moments him pleading to God, but time and time again he is ignored, which creates this weird relationship with Azi where for 6000 years he kept this weird distance between them in fear of abandonment again. While Azi on the other hand, does not know what it's like to fall, he deeply loves God and thinks She will always be good, but he is shown through other angels horrible things, and it's confusing (why would she create horrible angels, why would she cause disease and death if she was so good?) We see him get panicky once again when Crowley brings up the question in episode three as to why did God create poverty and expect those in horrible circumstances to turn out as good as those born in castles? And Azi kind of tries not to think too much about the point Crowley is making. I think Azi HAS silently questioned Her since Bliblical times, but has pushed it down, that's how his best friend fell, and the last thing Azi wants is God to abandon him.

Finally, I also want to touch on Azi's desperate need to be good and seen as good by others. I think this stems from him being seen as a "lesser" angel, being sent to Earth as more of a sort of punishment, being looked down on because of it. The one major thing him and Crowley have in common is not fitting in, anywhere. So I think all of this causes him to ache for validation that what he's doing is right. He says in season two that since he isn't reporting to Heaven, he calls Crowley to tell him about the good things he's done. We also see during the Job part where he lies to Gabriel, that he thinks he's a bad angel and once again I feel like this causes him to feel like he must over compensate and take the pain and sadness put on to the world for the better of everyone else.

Mitskis song "I Don't Smoke" always reminds me of Aziraphale becuase of the line "if you need to be mean/be mean to me/ I can take it/and put it inside of me" because time and time again Azi goes and does things to benefit others, and not himself. He puts himself on the front lines for people who have hurt him. Gabriel is a good example of this, this guy has tried to kill him! And yet he helps him. Crowley is obviously fraustrated by this, but Crowley doesn't understand exactly WHY Azi is like this, they have dealt with their trauma differently. So of course when the metatron offered him a position in heaven he took it. Not only did it help him feel validated and finally 'good enough' but also he once again jumped in front of a bullet heading directly to the world, and Crowley. He belives he is doing good by going to heaven. Even if it hurts him, he NEEDS to feel like he is helping others, and he believes that if God technically has appointed him to such a power to make sure nothing bad happens, then in his mind she must be good then.