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mint-yooxgi · 2 years ago

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{4} - Hotel California - Yandere!Demonic Entities!Ateez X Reader

Yandere AU & Demon AU - Based off of This ask and Hotel California by Eagles

Genre: Mature, Horror, Angst, Slight Humor

Pairing: Ateez X Reader (Focus on Seonghwa & Hongjoong this chapter)

Words: 11,370

Warnings: Talks of self-esteem and body issues. This is a Yandere story, it will contain themes such as stalking, violence, obsession, possessive natures, and just general overall creepiness and swearing. You have been warned.

A/n: Hehehe, here it is!! The next part!!! I really hope you guys have been looking forward to this as much as I have! I still have a lot planned, so stay tuned for more!! As always, feedback is greatly appreciated!! Enjoy~

Main Story - Part Two - Part Three

A full two weeks have passed since the day you decided to turn your life around while being held captive in this place. It certainly has been a change of pace, but you’re really starting to get used to things here. Especially now that you know of all the different places in the building that you can hang out in.

You had also managed to call your sister. It was on that same night that you had called your parents. After you had finished unpacking, of course. She gave you quite an earful for worrying your entire family, telling you not to give them a scare like that again. You, obviously, promised that you wouldn’t do such a thing to them again in the foreseeable future. Then, just like your father said, she teased you about running away with a mystery lover.

You had shook your head at that, frantically attempting to quiet her teasing and reassure her that that was most certainly not the case. She, like your mother, didn’t believe you, opting to send you a knowing look and a wink before her husband interrupted her to say hello. Needless to say, in the end, the both of them were at least glad to know you were okay.

That night, you had collapsed into bed, mentally exhausted from the day you had just had. You’re just glad you finally had your stuffed animals to hold onto when you fell asleep. It certainly made it much easier, and for once, you slept straight through the night. After so many restless bouts of tossing and turning over the past two weeks, you finally found comfort in something familiar.

Now, more often than not, you find yourself spending your days in the library. Sometimes, you’ll bring your laptop, your headphones already connected as you just watch videos to pass the time. Other times, you’ll bring a book, either browsing through the vast selection they’ve seemingly hand picked out for you, or pulling books off of your own shelf. You’ve already went through your entire collection of Demon Slayer manga again, rereading the series with a soft smile on your face.

Little did you notice the pouts on all of their faces at your choice in reading material. Each man couldn’t help but feel like that particular choice in manga was a pointed selection, given the situation you still find yourself in. Sure, both San and Mingi might have made progress with you that one day, and maybe even Yeosang and Jongho a little bit, but you still are guarded against them.

At least those four you can now stand to be in the same room as, even going so far as to start conversations with them on your own. Hell, you’re even joking around with them at times! A fact of which drives the other four insane.

Slowly, Wooyoung and Yunho have been attempting to make progress here and there, but they’re still nowhere near being any closer to you than they were before.

The first time Wooyoung walked into the game room to see you already sitting on the couch playing Pokémon on the switch, your whole body tensed. Your thoughts were cautious, keeping a close eye on whatever it was that he chose to do. The fact that you seemed so uncomfortable with him sitting so much as on the opposite couch with his own switch in hand, had a pout pulling at his lips.

Why couldn’t he make any progress, too? You seemed interested in his dancing when they showed you the studio. So, why haven’t you asked him to dance for you yet? He’s even been purposefully leaving the door open whenever he practices lately in hopes that maybe you’ll be walking by, and you’ll stop to stare.

What he wouldn’t give to feel your eyes on him as he dances. There are so many songs, so many choreographies, that he wants to show you. Ones that he’s made for you, or with you in mind. All that there’s left to do is perform them for you, and then maybe you’ll understand his true feelings. After all, dance has always been his best form of self expression, and to be able to share that part of himself with you would be a dream come true.

Similarly, a certain artist desperately wanted you to come to him and ask him about his paintings. Even so much as a fleeting interest in flipping through his sketchbook by you, and he would be there in an instant, offering this part of his soul to the one he loves most. You already own it, anyways. Everything he was, everything he is, and everything that he is sure to be, belongs to you.

Unfortunately for him, and despite what his brothers shared with him of that precious moment with you, you do not seem to want to be anywhere near him.

Really, it pains Yunho to no end. Based on your reactions to his work so far, even if you’ve only truly seen the one painting he made for you that’s currently hanging in your room, he thought you would have at least come to him to ask about it by now. You seemed so curious in San’s memory - so touched - that he was sure you would have knocked on the door to his studio to get him to show you his collection. Even still, your thoughts on the matter still warm his heart every time he recalls the shared memory. Finally, he had done something that made you speechless - that made you happy.

Speaking of your thoughts… Yunho, it seemed, you were constantly watching yourself around. He noticed you even started to develop a strategy of thinking about a giant black void around him to cover your thoughts. Unfortunately for him (and his brothers), this strategy seemed to be working. You didn’t do it often, but when you did, it was one of the worst things in their lives.

Now, whenever they would sense you thinking of this ‘eternal void’, as they so nicknamed it, your mind wouldn’t just go blank, but it would seemingly protect you from them attempting to invade your thoughts. It would be as if they were looking into the blackest lake, the water rippling beneath their subtle intrusions to attempt to know what you were thinking. It was frustrating.

The only upside about it would be that you still didn’t know how to fully master it, and you couldn’t think of it all of the time. However, they couldn’t help the pride that would fill their chests at the thought of you figuring out a way to outsmart them like this. Sure, some of your overtly loud thoughts would still make it through, and if they expended a little more effort than simply brushing their minds against yours, they could still invade your thoughts. However, they digress. How much more perfect for them could you be?

As for you being around Hongjoong and Seonghwa… well, they were a completely different story.

Yes, you were still tense as all fuck around the both of them, but ever since you were shown the library, they could all sense a shift in you. Towards all of them.

No longer do you pointedly ignore any of them, but Hongjoong can just tell that you’re avoiding him as much as you can. You don’t quite know how, or what, to feel about him, but he knows you’re fighting yourself against every good thought you have.

All he wants to do is make you happy, but you seem to have such a difficult time accepting him and letting him do such a thing. He just hopes his next surprise for you goes better than the last, especially where he is involved.

At least he’s not the only one wallowing in their own misery when it comes to you.

You still avoid Seonghwa’s tailor shop to no end, making him frustrated that you can’t even pass by the place on your own yet. Each time he would overhear your thoughts getting closer, he would perk up, hopeful that maybe, just maybe, this time, you were coming to see him. Yet, every time, without fail, he would be disappointed. You would rather take the long way around to the library, or pass through the courtyard by the pool, than so much as walk past his shop.

It doesn’t help the fact that when both Mingi and San had shared their memories of that day exactly two weeks ago, you again had refused to so much as look in the shop’s direction. That had nearly crushed his heart, and the worst part is, he has no one but himself to blame.

One of the happiest memories of his life in centuries and he can’t even share in that joy with you. No, you’d opt to think of it as - well, Seonghwa isn’t quite sure what to make of your jumbled emotions every time he catches you thinking about that incident that occurred within those four walls of his shop, but he knows one thing. Despite your best efforts, you do still think about it. About him. About the feeling of his hands on your waist and his lips on your skin. A fact of which could not make him happier.

Now, as he makes his way towards his shop in the morning after those transitionary two weeks have passed, he finds a bitter feeling sitting in the centre of his chest. Just last night you were smiling and laughing with Jongho in the library, discussing some book the two of you had both read. Seonghwa could not deny the growl that had built in his chest at seeing the two of you so close, both physically and emotionally.

That should be him. He’s the eldest. He’s the one you should be smiling at - the one you should be laughing with first. Seonghwa just wants you so badly, that he can hardly stand it. If only you could see that.

At least torturing that pathetic excuse of a human two weeks ago was fun. Oh, how enjoyable it was to hear the bastards’ screams, his pleas for mercy as they cut into him, only to piece him right back together so that they could start all over again until they were sated.

Truly, he has to hand it to his brothers. Seonghwa doesn’t think they’ve been that creative with their torturing in a while. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen Hongjoong that vengeful before in his entire life. Hell, he doesn’t think he’s ever been consumed by that amount of rage in all of his long years of living. Even Jongho and Yeosang, the calmest of the bunch, were near insatiable in their fury.

Shaking his head, a smirk tugs at Seonghwa’s lips. At least he doesn’t have to wonder any longer about what they should do - about what they would do - if someone ever wronged you.

Hell hath no fury like eight demonic lovers on a warpath to protect the one they love most. Or, well, six in this particular instance. Even so, Seonghwa knows that both San and Mingi were there in spirit with them each step, or rather, each cut of the way.

A low chuckle escapes his lips as he rounds the corner, shaking his head in the process. He shouldn’t be thinking about this right now. He has more important things that should be filling his mind, like what you’re up to on this particular morning. Besides, he’d much rather listen to your thoughts. They’re far more entertaining, anyways.

It’s instantaneous. The second his mind reaches out to yours, he’s freezing in his tracks just outside of his shop as his eyes behold the sight before him through the glass panel of the door.

Seonghwa blinks. There’s no way you’re sitting there, in his chair, behind his work counter, in his shop right now.

It has to be a dream. You are most certainly not holding what looks to be a torn sweater in your hands, and you most certainly are not silently cursing under your breath as you begin to stitch the fabric back together at the seams.

His breathing deepens, overcome by the sight before him. Truly, the feeling is indescribable - nothing but unfiltered joy coursing through his veins at the thought that you’re here, in his space, doing something that he loves.

A silence settles back around you as you relax into the stitch, the movements flowing smoother together the longer you sit there with your needle and thread. What’s truly remarkable, is the way there seems to be a faint glow surrounding you the longer you work at the one sleeve of the sweater. Almost as if there’s another presence standing behind you.

You, on the other hand, are none-the-wiser to the watchful gaze of a certain demonic presence as you sit there. You can just hear your mother’s voice echoing through your head as you fall into the natural rhythm of sewing your sweater back up, telling you how you’ve got your grandmother’s touch.

Sure enough, once Seonghwa focusses his eyes on the area just beside the right of your head, he sees a presence standing behind you with a hand resting on your shoulder. The lady is a bit short in stature, but he’d bet anything that this is your grandmother’s spirit manifesting around you right now, watching over you as you share in this moment.

As if the figure has heard his own thoughts on the matter, your grandmother’s head snaps up, looking him directly in the eyes. Her gaze narrows ever so slightly, as if attempting to recognize him, before smiling softly with the gentlest of nods in acknowledgement in his direction. Then, as if blessing him with her approval, she disappears.

Seonghwa’s whole body shakes as he attempts to control his breathing. Not only did you come to seek him out, and are currently sitting in his own personalized space, but he just got what seems to be your grandmother’s approval. Even she can tell that he has no ill intentions towards you, and that he’ll keep you safe - make you feel loved in every and any way he can. Like hell is he going to let that feeling go to waste.

Cautiously, he enters his shop, not wanting to scare you but also needing you to know that he’s here. He’s tired of playing this little game of cat and mouse you seem to have going on. You’re here now, and that’s all that matters.

As soon as you hear the little jingle of the bell above the shop entrance, your head is flinging upwards. Your wide-eyed gaze meets Seonghwa’s own, his lips quirked upwards softly in the corners.

Immediately, you freeze.

“Uh-“ too many thoughts begin to flit through your mind all at once.

Should you apologize for invading his space? The door was left open. Should you explain what you’re doing here? Well, it’s pretty obvious with the torn sweater, needle and thread held in your hands. Should you go back to what you were doing and hope he ignores your presence? You know that with him, that won’t be possible. Should you leave? Yeah, maybe you should. You’ve gotten what you’ve came for, anyways. You can always finish mending your hoodie in your room.

At least you don’t seem to be thinking of that damned void right now, for your thoughts echo shamelessly through his head. And he wouldn’t want it any other way.

“I don’t know if I should be surprised or offended that you didn’t ask me to mend your sweater,” there’s a teasing lilt to his voice as he approaches you, crossing the room in a few strides as he comes to stand before you.

“I am perfectly capable of doing it myself,” you retort, shooting him a pointed look as he leans against the counter beside you.

“Then by all means,” he grins, eyes shining as he watches you fondly, “don’t let me interrupt.”

Your spine straightens, and you can just feel his gaze on you tracking your every movement. You’ve never liked it when people payed too much attention to you while you worked, and having his eyes on you now, it makes you so nervous. Still, with pursed lips, you attempt to continue.

It takes only a minute for you to be heaving a sigh, seemingly deciding against your better judgment for the moment regarding what you’re about to do. Averting your gaze so sweetly, you hold the material of the torn sweater out to him without a word. He is a tailor, after all.

The smile that breaks out onto Seonghwa’s face is unlike any he has worn in a long time. The vibrance of it alone nearly lights up the entire room as he gently takes the material from your outstretched hand, pulling up a stool to sit beside you in the next second before starting to mend your sweater.

Seeing as he immediately begins to work, you go to stand. You figure since he’s stitching your sweater, you no longer have to stay. Besides, he probably wants his chair back. Only, before you can so much as take a step towards the door, his hand is shooting out to grasp your wrist gently.

You turn to look at him, and the way he’s staring at you - eyes wide and practically begging - has your heart racing in your chest.

“Please,” his voice is soft as the plea falls from his lips, “stay.”

You hold his gaze for a brief moment as you hesitate on what to do. Then, against your better judgement for the second time in the past five minutes, you surprise both him and yourself as you slowly sink back into your seat.

“Do you at least want your chair back?” You ask, eyes following the way he releases his hold on your wrist so carefully before retracting his hand.

“Not at all.” He shakes his head. “I’m just happy you’re here.”

You give him a small smile in response, and even though it’s forced, he cannot help the way his heart races in his chest.

“What happened, anyways?” He quirks a brow, eyes briefly darting to the torn sweater in his hands as he continues to stitch the fabric right where you left off. “Why bring it with you if it’s this torn?”

“Well,” you let out a puff of air through your nose, “believe it or not it was fully intact when I packed it.”

He frowns, not quite following along. That is, until your memory of both San and Mingi literally tearing apart your favourite sweater right before your very eyes flashes through his mind. He pauses only for a brief moment as he gets caught up in the memory before continuing once more.

“Remind me not to ask two of you to do something for me at the same time again,” you huff out a laugh, leaning back into the chair as you cross your arms over your chest, crossing your legs at the same time.

“Ah, I see,” he nods, eyebrows raising in faint amusement. “Those two failed to mention that in their daily recap that day.”

“Daily recap?” You quirk a brow, voice a bit skeptical.

“Mingi and San simply filled us in on what we missed when we were gone for the day,” Seonghwa explains, humming to himself in the next moment as he finishes off the one sleeve, moving on to the next in an instant. “Well, not everything apparently.”

“Is that a common occurrence?” Your eyes, which have been staring at your slipper clad feet, dart briefly over to him. “Sharing your memories with each other.”

So, this is what your meek curiosity feels like floating through your mind. Seonghwa has to stop himself from humming contently at the revelation.

“Yes, and no,” he answers truthfully. “Some moments are meant just for us, while others we can and do share with one another.”

For a fleeting moment, the incident with the dress the first time you were here flits through your mind.

“Yes, like that one,” he comments, not even shifting his gaze from the task he’s currently working on. From the looks of things, he’s almost done.

“I take it they weren’t supposed to find out about that one,” you say, shifting slightly in your seat as you recall the way the other seven reacted the first time they learnt of the memory.

“At least not for a little while,” he hums, before shifting his eyes to meet your own, nothing but sincerity shining within. “That one I wanted to have a little more time to cherish for myself.”

A heat rises to your cheeks, once more averting your gaze as you recall the exact memory he’s referring to. A memory which you still aren’t too sure how to feel about for the moment. Yet still, at seeing the way you become so shy in front of him, because of him, Seonghwa cannot contain the way his lips pull up in a smirk.

You can’t help it, but your gaze drifts to his hands as he finalizes the last few stitches in the seam. The way his nimble fingers stretch and pull the fabric, the thread being tied off in the next moment has you swallowing the dryness in your throat. Again, you’re reminded of what his fingers felt like on your body.

“That’s not all they’re good for,” his eyes are dark, hooded as he watches you from merely three feet away, that same damn smirk pulling at his lips.

Your breath hitches in your throat, mind going to exactly where he’s insinuating. A fact which only makes a pleased growl rumble within his chest as your thoughts of his fingers on your bare skin, stretching you open so delicately as he buries them in your tight, wet cunt, reach his mind.

Now, if only he could make all of your fantasies come to life. You really only need to ask, and Seonghwa is ready and willing to do anything for you. Everything you could ever imagine would be brought to life, and the fact that he would be the one making all of your dreams come true would bring him a pleasure unlike any other.

Instead, what he receive in response in you reaching over to smack his arm, your entire face heating as you attempt to calm yourself down and clear your mind.

“Pervert.” You mutter, the prettiest of pouts tugging at your lips.

Lips which he longs to feel pressed against his own.

He chuckles, rubbing over the spot you’ve just slapped him in tenderly with his hand. Only, he cannot help but focus in on a certain, singular emotion that’s flowing through your mind right now. An emotion that leaves him absolutely confused for the moment, wanting to understand more about why you’re feeling this way.

“Should I add that to the list of reasons as to why I call you Handsy?” Your voice manages to draw his attention to you once more.

This time, it’s his turn to pout. “I really wish you wouldn’t.”

“I guess we can’t always get what we wish for,” you sigh, almost wistfully.

A small silence settles over the both of you, as he smiles. Finally, he seems to be making progress with you again. At least you’re talking to him, even if it’s a little rocky to start. Still, that emotion from only moments before swirls through your mind, and Seonghwa finds his brow furrowing, expression falling as you begin to overthink.

You stare at your hands, thoughts drifting through your head. You cannot help but to recall the dress incident again, and how you felt while it happened. Even now, with this newest memory, you close in on yourself, allowing your whole demeanour to shift in an instant.

If Seonghwa didn’t know any better, he’d say that you look and feel sad.

Then, before your brain has a chance to catch up to your mouth, you’re speaking.

“Do you want to know why I reacted the way I did when that happened?” Your voice is small, as if scared of the words coming from your own mouth. Of what admitting them out loud might mean.

Immediately, concern washes over his features as he shifts closer to you. Your sweater is placed onto the counter with the utmost care, momentarily forgotten by you as your thoughts consume you. He reaches for you, but at the way you stiffen, pulling yourself the slightest bit away, he freezes. No matter how badly he wants to wrap you into his arms right now, perhaps it’s not quite the best idea. After all, he’s still on pretty thin ice.

“You caught me off-guard, for starters,” you lean forwards, curling in on yourself more as you rest your elbows on your knees. Still, you refuse to meet his gaze, staring at your hands which begin interweaving your fingers together anxiously. “You surprised me,” you notice him swallow out of the corner of your eyes, his Adam’s apple bobbing with the movement, “but not in the way you might think.”

Seonghwa does his best to maintain his breathing at a steady pace. Your mind is all over the place, and he can’t exactly pinpoint where this is going, but given your track record, he can’t help but think the worst. Even so, he won’t let go of you so easily. No matter what you say, he won’t ever stop trying.

“At first, I was worried,” you admit. “I didn’t know who you were, or what you were doing. Especially not what you could be capable of.” The briefest of flashes of that same fear that had them recoiling in the foyer two weeks ago has him flinching yet again now. “I know better now, and I don’t know if that made it worse or better but…”

You trail off, your gaze focused so intently on your hands. He holds his breath.

“It doesn’t change the fact that I-“ you swallow, wetting your lips with your tongue, “I enjoyed it.”

Your admission knocks the wind right out of him.

“For what felt like the first time in my life, I felt like I was finally someone’s first choice. Finally, someone wanted me; I felt seen. No one has ever looked at me with such…” you search for the right word, gaze flitting everywhere in the room but at him, “passion in their eyes before. Such longing. I’ve never had someone touch me like that - caress me as a lover would,” you confess, whole body heating as you think about what admitting this out loud means. Not just to yourself, but to him, “and I wanted to revel in it."

“I was confused, and I still am. I didn’t, and I still don’t, know how to exactly feel about it. You have to understand. I am not used to being desired, especially not in the ways that you all want me. I found it hard to believe - still do - that any of you could want me. You’re all demons, for crying out loud! I’m only human. I’m just-” you take a shaky breath in, shoulders seemingly deflating as your expression drops, “I’m just me.”

All he can hear of your thoughts now is you berating yourself, telling yourself that you’re not good enough. You don’t want to believe that you are worthy of all of this, and that is what terrifies you. To accept their proposition, their love, would mean accepting yourself, and you don’t have the strongest relationship with her right now.

“But why?” Seonghwa’s voice is soft, expression filled with a type of sorrow you don’t quite understand. “Why would you think that?”

“Well,” you almost let out a humourless laugh as you lean back in the chair, motioning to your entire body as you do so, “look at me.”

And so he does, his eyes trailing over your figure softly. There’s a certain spark in his gaze that you still don’t quite understand, and when he trails it back up to meet your own, you nearly let out a sigh at the confusion you still see tugging at his features.

“It’s because I’m not-“ the words catch in your throat as you avert your gaze once more, voice barely above a whisper as you speak the words you’ve always believed to be the truth about yourself, “I’m not beautiful.”

Seonghwa can only sit there, stunned for the moment at the confession that has just fallen from your lips. He blinks.

All of those times his brothers and himself caught you staring at your reflection in the mirror, trailing your blank gaze over your body, was in disgust? You weren’t admiring yourself like they always did? Like they always thought you were doing? Instead, you were scrutinizing every little detail of your body? A body of which would make them fall to their knees in seconds, ready and eager to please you at a moment’s notice. A body of which they absolutely adore.

For all of their powers, they couldn’t read your thoughts through the glass. Sure, they could influence your decisions if they tried hard enough, but with that barrier there, they could never truly be sure of what you were thinking. It pains his heart now to know what you truly think of yourself. Of what you believe to be true.

“That is the filthiest lie that has ever fallen from your lips and you know it.”

You’re taken aback by the sudden harshness of his tone as he frowns, and you find yourself averting your gaze once more. Regret instantly washes over you for what you’ve just done. For what you’ve just admitted.

“Please, do not be ashamed of sharing this part of yourself with me.” Immediately, his gaze is softening. “You could never disgust me, or scare me away. Or any of us for that matter.”

You cannot deny the way your eyes widen, even if only slightly, at his words, tears beginning to line the corners.

Carefully, he stands from his seat. Then, as if he were holding the most delicate piece of glass in his hands, he reaches over to guide your gaze back to his as his fingers come to rest beneath your chin.

“I meant every word I said to you that day. We all did,” he stares deeply into your eyes as he leans into you, making sure to not crowd you, but letting you know how serious he is about the words that are coming out of his mouth. “And I would do it all over - say it all again - in a heartbeat.”

You blink, the first of your tears escaping and trailing down your cheek. He wipes them away gently with the thumb of his opposite hand, moving to caress the side of your face in the next moment while still supporting your chin with the other.

“We would do anything for you. We only want to cherish you, to protect you, to make all of your dreams come true. We want to take care of you, to be there for you in your darkest times, and share with you in the light. We just want to make you happy. To hold you, to please you, to worship you is all that we truly desire. Please, do not doubt that. You are the only one that we will ever want. You are the only one that we will ever need.” His voice is firm, never faltering for one moment as he stares deeply into your eyes, nothing but sincerity shining behind his own as he leans in closer.

“We are so in love with you, it hurts. It pains me to hear you say these things about yourself, to know you think these things to be true. They are not. They never have been, nor will they ever be.” He cups your face in both of his hands, caressing your cheeks so tenderly as he holds you delicately in his palms. “You are so unbelievably beautiful. You seriously have no idea the effect - the hold - you have on us. Your existence is the best thing that has happened to this world, and for the first time in centuries you make us feel alive.”

His confession has a soft gasp escaping you, breath hitching in your throat as your lips part ever so slightly. The raw honesty of his words is reflected in how rough his voice has become as he continues to speak.

“There are not enough words in all of the tongues of the universe to describe your beauty, or what you mean to us. To me.” His thumb brushes against the skin of your cheek once more as he slowly begins to lean in closer with every word. “You are gorgeous. You are stunning. You are sinful in the most delectable of ways.”

You can practically hear your heartbeat ringing in your ears as you watch his eyes dart down to your lips.

“More than all of that, though,” he breathes, tongue darting out to wet his own as he swallows thickly, “you are,” his eyes begin to swirl with that all too familiar blackness as he comes to rest his forehead against your own, “My Divine.”

Once again, your breath hitches in your throat, and you cannot tell who is shaking more: you or him. With every exhale he makes, you can tell that he’s doing his best to control himself right now. Being this close to you, in this position, given what he’s just confessed, is scraping away at the very last bits of sanity that he has in this moment.

Your heart thunders away in you chest, your breaths mingling as you can practically feel the warmth of his lips ghosting against your own.

“Please-” the word is but a strained plea from his lips. “Please, can I kiss you?”

The question makes your heart flutter, your mouth parting with an answer before your brain can even catch up. However, before your response can even so much as escape your lips, the sound of the bell chiming above the shop door alerts you to another presence having just entered the room.

“Seonghwa,” Hongjoong’s dark eyes narrow as he fully takes in the scene before him. “What are you doing?”

The eldest closes his eyes, exhaling a deep sigh as he reluctantly pulls himself away from you for the time being.

“Well, we were sharing a moment, brother,” Seonghwa’s eyes flash as he turns to face the younger, noticing a letter clutched in Hongjoong’s hand despite his arms being crossed over his chest. “I was simply mending our beloved’s sweater.”

Hongjoong’s eyebrows twitch, clearly unamused. “I’m sure that that’s exactly what you were doing.”

Jealousy flares beneath his skin as Hongjoong continues to glare at Seonghwa. He’s been waiting in the hallway just outside of the shop for much longer than either of you two realize, concealing his presence as he listened in to your conversation. Of course, he agreed with every word Seonghwa spoke to you, and it pains him to no end that you would think of yourself like that.

However, there’s also a part of Hongjoong that despises the fact that it was Seonghwa of all people that you confided in with this first. Really, he should have made his presence known sooner. Maybe then he would have been able to comfort you along with his brother, instead of simply eavesdropping. How you even got on this certain topic of conversation eludes him, but the fact that you shared these insecurities with Seonghwa, the man who has made it painstakingly obvious that he cannot control himself around you, irritates Hongjoong like nothing else.

That should have been him.

As soon as he heard his brother even think the question, he knew he had to intervene.

In his own, sick, twisted way, Hongjoong wants all of your firsts. He craves them just as he craves you. He wanted to be the first one to touch you, and technically, he was. He will never forget the way his fingers tingled with electricity when he brushed them against yours when he handed you that fake keycard. However, Seonghwa truly beat him to it, his touch having graced your body in ways Hongjoong has only ever dreamed of.

The thought of somebody else’s hands all over you, even if that someone is his own brother, makes him sick. A rage begins to burn within his core that needs to be sated in any way he can. Like hell is he going to let Seonghwa have your first kiss with one of them, too. That should be him.

You cannot dictate between us who can and cannot have her, brother, Seonghwa’s voice echoes through his head. Only she gets to decide that.

I know. To say Hongjoong is frustrated would be an understatement.

Stop treating everything like a competition. Seonghwa retorts, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Then, why does it always feel like I’m in last place? Hongjoong snaps, eyes tinging with that all too familiar blackness.

She’s not an object. Seonghwa nearly growls.

Believe me, I know that. Hongjoong has to suppress the roll of his eyes. It’s you who needs to stop treating her like one. Always placing your hands on her like you own her.

Don’t give me that crap, I know you would do exactly the same as me in a heartbeat if given the chance. Seonghwa’s own eyes tint black, his lips tightening into a thin line as a growl builds in his chest to mirror Hongjoong’s own.

Knock it off. The both of you. Yunho’s firm voice cuts through the silent tension in the room like a knife. The last thing we need is you two shitheads fucking things up when some of us have finally started making progress again.

He started it, Seonghwa grumbles.

And I’m ending it! Yunho replies, clearly exasperated. They can just tell he’s rolling his eyes at them right now. Lucifer below!

You know, this is something we’re all going to have to get used to if our relationships with her continue to progress. Jongho chimes in, a teasing lilt to his voice.

Of course Jongho would be the one to say that. They all know he’s the closest to you for the moment. A fact in which makes them all scowl.

Oh, can it, happy. Wooyoung huffs.

You, on the other hand, had zoned out for a moment there, getting caught up in your thoughts about what just occurred. Focussing in back on the room in front of you, you see the two males continuing to glare at one another. Neither move from their spots as a mental battle seems to be taking place right before your very eyes.

You swallow, wiping at your lingering tears with the back of your hand. A fact of which that seems to draw Hongjoong’s attention to you for the briefest of moments. Then, his gaze is softening immediately. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you blink, nodding a few times, “yeah, I’m fine.”

Really, you don’t want to talk about what just happened for the moment.

As if to collect his own thoughts, Hongjoong releases the tension in his shoulders, dropping his crossed arms as he turns to look at Seonghwa once more.

“The council has been summoned,” he says, their disagreement being momentarily forgotten about.

While you are confused by Hongjoong’s words, Seonghwa simply heaves another large sigh.

“What do they want us to decide on this time?” He’s irritated, in more ways than one.

You, on the other hand, take this as your cue to leave despite the curiosity lingering in the back of your mind. Honestly, you’re still reeling from what’s just occurred between you and the eldest here in his tailor shop. Again.

Taking a deep breath as you stand, you’re quick to reach over and grab your sweater off of the counter. You spare Seonghwa a brief glance, lifting your hoodie in acknowledgment, “thanks again.”

He smiles, eye crinkling at the sides, “of course.”

With an almost shy smile of your own painting your lips, you’re quick to scurry past the both of them and out of the shop. You really don’t want to linger there any longer, for you have to sort out your own emotions for the time being. A lot has just happened in the span of twenty minutes, and you need to settle your mind.

Making it back to your room, you hang your newly fixed sweater in your closet, a smile tugging at your features as you feel the material between your fingers. That, overall, went much better than you had expected, especially after Seonghwa had showed up. Perhaps he isn’t so bad after all. At least now he understands your feelings on the matter.

Your expression drops, panic painting your features as you realize something.

It would take Seonghwa nothing at all to share your vulnerability with the others in their ‘daily recap’ as he so put it. You don’t know if you’re ready for that, but then again, would it really be so bad? They’ve given you no reason not to trust them so far, other than the whole kidnapping thing, but a month in and it’s not like you’re really being held prisoner here. They’ve proved to you time and time again that they’ve created this place with your best interest in mind. The library alone speaks for itself.

Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea if he shared that particular memory with them. At least then it would save you from reliving those fears, those insecurities, every time you told one of them. Or maybe, just maybe, you could do it yourself.

Perhaps, you’re actually starting to trust them after all.

Walking back out of your closet, you cannot help but to think back to the moment you’ve just shared with the eldest not even ten minutes ago. Were you seriously just about to let him kiss you? Some sweet words with his eyes shining in sincerity, and you were ready for your walls to come crumbling down?

You nearly scoff to yourself. It shouldn’t be this easy to get you to crack. You shake your head, banishing the thoughts without so much as another glance in their direction. Time to take your mind off of things for a while, and you know exactly how you’re going to do just that.

The library has become sort of like your own sanctuary, and you find solace within its walls. So, grabbing your book off of your nightstand, you begin to make the trek to that all too familiar place. Only, this time, instead of taking the long way around, your opt to pass right by Seonghwa’s tailor shop.

Not a sound is made, nor even an acknowledgment towards the shop as you walk by, but at least you no longer feel the need to avoid it at any cost. There is no tenseness to your steps, nor in your shoulders as you hold your book in your hands, keeping your head held high as you walk passed.

What you fail to see, however, is the way two particular men watch as you pass by. Seonghwa wears a small smile, feeling as if a weight has been lifted off of his own shoulders as his gaze trails after you down the hallway. Hongjoong, on the other hand, frowns, lips tugging downwards in a slight pout as his eyes follow your every move.

Making it to the library, you’re quick to enter. You’ve already found a favourite spot: by the large windows right across from your own collection. The seats are plush, and the space is comfortable. You could not have asked for a better area to call your own. (A fact which has smiles pulling on all of their faces as they hear you think such a thing each and every time you sit in the library.)

Settling down on the couch, you tuck your feet beneath you as you fall into the pillows. Opening your book, you begin to read.

For the next hour, you manage to escape into the pages of your book, perfectly content to lose yourself in the writing of this particular author. In fact, you manage to relax so much that your eyes start to droop.

It’s only happened a few times, but you have fallen asleep in the library before. How can you not? It’s comfortable, warm, cozy, and you feel safe. So, when your eyelids flutter shut, you don’t fight it, letting the exhaustion you feel wrap itself around you like a blanket and pull you in to that all too familiar comforting darkness.

An hour and a half later and you feel yourself regaining consciousness. Slowly, you begin to shift, feeling your neck twinge slightly at the position you had fallen asleep in. Rubbing at your eyes, you hear a chuckle sound from across from you.

Immediately, your gaze is locking on the figure before you, seeing Hongjoong leant back with his legs crossed in the chair opposite the couch. A book rests open in his one hand, elbow placed on the arm of the chair as he reads, his attention appearing not even on you for the moment.

“Sleep well?” There’s a teasing quirk to the corner of his lips as you crack your neck quite loudly.

“How long have you been there?” You yawn, blinking a few times to further clear your vision.

“Oh,” he hums, nonchalantly, as he turns a page in his book, “about half an hour.”

“You’ve been watching me sleep for half an hour?” You tilt your head at him in disbelief, your one brow quirked.

“Well, I came to speak with you,” he says, marking the page in his book before softly closing it and resting it on the arm of his seat, “but you were sleeping. I figured it best not to disturb you, and to let you rest.”

“You dodged the question.” You deadpan.

“You still haven’t answered mine.” Hongjoong smiles softly in response.

A small silence settles over the both of you as you meet his gaze. You blink a few times before exhaling a sigh through your nose.

“I nap in places I feel most comfortable in,” you admit. “So, yes, I did sleep well.”

Your confession warms his heart more than you’ll ever know.

“I’m glad,” his smile widens, eyes crinkling at the sides as he watches you.

Still creepy you were watching me sleep, though.

Your thoughts have a laugh escaping him, “you know, I’m not the only one that enjoys watching you sleep.”

Immediately, you freeze, eyes going wide as you halt your movements of flipping through your book to find the page you were on to mark it.

“Like I said,” you mutter, shaking your head as you find the page, “creepy.”

Great, now you have to worry about them sneaking into your room at night to watch you sleep. So much for privacy.

“Do you really think we would do that to you?” Hongjoong asks, a huff of disbelief escaping him. “We respect your privacy enough not to do that since that night a month ago.”

“But you have done it before then.” You frown, clinging to the book in your lap for support.

“I believe Yeosang and Jongho explained the whole glass situation, no?” Hongjoong hums, quirking a brow expectantly at you. “Besides, I’m not the worst culprit for this.”

If you didn’t know any better, you’d say that there was a pout tugging at his lips as he crosses his arms over his chest and leans further back into his chair.

“Then who-“

“There are many reasons why Jongho always finds you in the library,” he cuts you off. “Some are at times when you don’t even know he’s here.”

“Are you telling me that he’s come in to watch me nap, left, then returned right afterwards once I’ve woken up to spend time with me?” You nearly laugh at the thought.

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you,” Hongjoong smirks, meeting your incredulous gaze. “He’s not as innocent as he seems.”

“I still like him better,” you grumble under your breath, and you can see Hongjoong stiffen out of the corner of your eyes.

A growl forms at his lips, wanting desperately to escape as he hears the words you’ve left unspoken echo through your mind.

Than you.

You still like Jongho better than him. A fact which makes his blood boil, a scowl pulling at his features. Yet, for all of his anger, Hongjoong cannot help but feel disappointed. In himself. In the situation. Why can’t you like him? Can’t you see that he’s trying? What can he do to prove to you that he’s really not as bad as you think he is?

An overwhelming sadness washes over him, suffocating his heart in its hold as he glares at the antique coffee table in between the two of you.

“You said you wanted to speak with me?” Your voice, somewhat timid, yet curious at the same time, pulls him out of his thoughts.

“I do,” he hums, glad for the change in subject, but also glad that you don’t seem to want to run away from him for the time being like you usually do. “I’m sure you recall me mentioning a certain council earlier.”

You nod, you eyes gleaming in recognition as you angle yourself towards him. He nearly hums in content from that fact alone.

“The eight of us are the heads of the realm, the leaders, if you will.” He explains. “Sometimes we need to attend certain events because of formality, and other times we get summoned to meetings or to settle disputes.”

“Geez,” you huff out a breath, “just how powerful and important are you guys?”

There’s an air of playfulness to your words that makes him grin, even if the lingering uncertainty in your mind boarders on fear.

“The council has been summoned to take place a week from today.” He says. “It’s one of those ones that we can’t miss, or decline the invitation to.”

“Makes sense, if you guys really are the leaders or whatever,” you nod, still attempting to wrap your head around what you’ve just been told. Then, a thought crosses you mind which has you mortified. “You’re not expecting me to meet the entire council, are you?”

“At some point, yes.” Hongjoong replies honestly. “We would like to someday introduce you to them as our Queen. Our equal.”

You cannot stop the way your breath catches in your throat at his words, your back straightening as you sit there with wide eyes.

“But we know we’re not there, yet.” He continues, somewhat sadly. “Nor are you ready for that.”

Unknowingly, you breathe a sigh of relief. In the back of your mind, you begin to wonder where this is all going.

“I’m getting there,” Hongjoong sighs, sitting forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “Because of these,” he pauses, searching for the right word, “unfortunate circumstances, we’ll have to leave the house for a little while. Which means that you’ll be by yourself from anywhere between an hour and a half or longer.”

Your mouth parts in shock, pure excitement coursing through your veins. “Really?”

“Don’t sound so excited.” He grumbles, a slight pout to his lips.

“Wait. You’re not fucking with me right now, are you?” You narrow your eyes at him accusingly. “Because if you are, this isn’t funny.”

“I would never joke about something as serious as this, My Love.” His voice holds nothing but sincerity as he meets your gaze. “Especially not to you.”

The brilliant smile that stretches across your lips can no longer be contained, a giggle escaping your lips in the next moment from how giddy you feel. The mere thought of being left alone with, well, your own thoughts for even just an hour is the best thing you’ve heard in a month. Finally, you have something to look forward to.

Although the context is not preferable to him, Hongjoong still cannot deny the way your excitement surrounds him, flooding his veins and making his lips quirk upwards slightly. Now, he finally understands the same feeling of happiness that his brother’s have felt when doing something that makes you smile. For the first time since you’ve gotten here, Hongjoong can finally say that he was the one and only cause of your pure and utter happiness.

He just wishes you were a little more upset by the fact that they’d be leaving you alone for a short period of time. Still, he cannot deny the way his heart positively fluttered when you giggled. A sound of which he hopes to hear more of, and soon at that.

“Is that all you wanted to talk to me about?” You physically have to prevent your hands from shaking in anticipation, holding on tightly to your book for dear life.

“Well, yes and no,” he replies, standing to his feet. “I also wanted to show you something.”

Carefully, he extends his hand out to you in offering, eyes shining as he looks at you. Your own gaze darts to his hand, curiosity pulling you onto your feet as you place your book onto the coffee table before you. Your entire body is still humming with adrenaline, mind reeling at the fact that you’ll finally have some time to yourself after so long with having them invade your mind and listen to your every thought. You still, unfortunately, haven’t mastered that void, yet.

Crossing your arms in front of your chest, you nod, “lead the way.”

Exhaling a sigh through his nose, Hongjoong drops his hand. At least you didn’t deny his entire offer.

With each step he takes towards the newly formed doors on the opposite end of the library, he cannot deny the way anticipation tugs at his own mind. His heart begins to pound in his chest as his nerves start to get the better of him. What if you don’t like it? He worked really hard on getting everything perfect, just like the library, and even though you love that, you might not exactly love this.

Reaching the doors, Hongjoong throws one last tentative glance over his shoulder at you. The corner of his lips twitch upwards as he sees your brow furrowed in confusion, mind racing with the thought of never having seen these doors before in the library.

Slowly, and with the utmost care, he opens the doors.

A gasp escapes your lips almost immediately at the sight that greets you on the other side. Your hands come up to cover your mouth, eyes shining as your heart races inside your chest.

Before you rests the most beautiful garden you have ever seen in your life, flowers of all types lining the cobblestone path leading to a sparkling fountain right in the centre. You can already smell the aroma coming from outside drifting into the library, even as you take a step forward to take everything in.

“Did you do this?” Your voice is soft, full of the same awe that he sees reflected in your eyes. “For me?”

“The guys all helped, but it was my design.” He admits, smiling softly as he give a slight nod. “You said that you wanted a garden, and we- I am more than happy to provide.”

“I wasn’t being serious,” you reply, taking your first steps out into the open space. “I wasn’t expecting this.”

Hongjoong makes sure to follow close behind, clasping his hands behind his back a little bashfully.

“Sure, you may not have been,” he hums, “but we want you to know how serious we are. I want you to know how serious I am about you. We- I would do anything for you. You need only ask.”

“I can’t believe it,” you whisper, reaching the fountain and turning your head to see a few benches tucked away on either side, covered gently by foliage to provide some protection from the sun or from rain. There even seems to be a greenhouse a little ways ahead.

Every step you take, every move you make through the garden, Hongjoong watches. That same soft smile never leaves his face as he hears all your thoughts projecting the awe you feel right now. From what he can gather, this is almost the exact same type of emotion you felt when you first saw the library. A fact that could not make him prouder than he is in this very moment, or any more in love with you than he already is.

Slowly, you make you way around the open space of the garden, taking in every minuscule detail. Each flower is in full bloom, delicately picked to compliment the ones beside it, the colours reflecting beautifully in the light. Everywhere you look, your favourite flowers stare back at you. Roses, peonies, forget-me-nots, lilies: none are left out in this stunning symphony of life as you take it all in.

Suddenly, you are once again overcome by the fact that this has all been done for you.

“This is…” you trail off, reaching out to grasp a peony in your hand, brushing your thumb over its soft petals as you take in its scent.

“This is…” you swallow, seemingly choked up by your own words as you search for the right one.

Hongjoong holds his breath.

“Incredible,” you turn your gaze to look at him, and what he sees shining in your eyes knocks the wind right out of him.

For the first time since you’ve gotten here, you are looking at him with such tenderness, such gratitude. As if he hung all of the stars in the night sky only for you. Which he would, if you asked.

Your gaze, so tender and soft, nearly sends him to his knees right then and there. However, it’s your next words that truly make his head spin.

“Thank you.” You breathe, nothing but sincerity shining within your eyes as you meet his own. “For this.” You briefly trail your gaze around the area before coming back to settle on him. A faint smile, gracious and absolutely breathtaking pulls at your lips. “For all of this. The library, too.”

“I’m just glad you like them,” he replies honestly, his shoulders sagging in relief as a weight he didn’t realize he had been carrying is lifted from his shoulders.

Is this what it’s like to feel like he’s actually making progress with you? If so, he cannot wait to continue. Having you look at him like this - so tenderly and full of awe - simply makes him want more. Hongjoong craves you in a way that he’s never craved anything or anyone in centuries. He just wants to make you happy, and from the looks of things, he’s finally doing something right.

“Oh, I more than like them,” you reply without thinking, leaning in to smell the roses as you walk passed. Your eyelids flutter shut as that same smile tugs at your lips. “I love them.”

If only you knew exactly how much your words mean to him, your confession causing his eyes to swirl with that all too familiar blackness as pure, unfiltered joy courses through his veins. Not only joy, but satisfaction, excitement, and eagerness for what has still yet to come. More than all of that, though, love pours through his very soul as he continues to watch you, subconsciously taking a step closer to you and reaching a hand out to place it onto your lower back.

Immediately, you stiffen, his touch unexpected. You step away, clearing your throat.

His expression falls, averting his gaze as he lets out a low breath through his nose. You seem to have no problem letting the others touch you, but you always pull away from his own touch. Still, your words from earlier echo through his mind. “I’m sorry.”

You blink in shock, clearly not expecting to hear those words coming from his mouth. Then, as if recalling your own memories from earlier that day, your lips part ever so slightly.

“I-“ you swallow, now being the one to avert your gaze as you clasp your hands in front of yourself almost nervously, “I’m just not used to being touched. Especially not so intimately by another person.”

“You seem to have no problem letting the others touch you so intimately,” before he can stop himself, the bitter words are out of his mouth, the jealous fire once again prickling beneath his skin.

Your eyes narrow, and immediately, your guard is back up. “That does not mean I’m used to it, nor does it give you the right to act like this. I am not yours.”

Yet. You are not his yet. Still, Hongjoong has a long way to go before he can so much as think of calling you his own. Well, out loud, at least.

Yet, you’re right. He knows you’re right, and that he needs to calm down. If he wants any type of chance with you, to be able to hold your heart in the palms of his hands like he already knows his is in yours, then he needs to relax. He had finally started making progress with you, only to screw it all up almost immediately afterwards.

Tears of frustration line his eyes as he averts his gaze, his heart squeezing painfully in his chest. No matter what he does, he can never seem to do anything right. Especially when it comes to you.

Closing his eyes, he allows his body to calm down, the shaking in his hands dissipating for the time being. He takes a deep, albeit uneven, breath in.

“You’re right,” he swallows, eyes opening to meet your own in the next second. “I’m sorry.”

You seemingly let out a sigh of relief as you see him visibly relax. You were just having a nice moment with him, and despite this little hiccup, you are still grateful for the amount of effort he’s put into this place for you. Perhaps you should attempt a truce for the moment. Being tense around him all the time is exhausting.

So, you quirk a small grin.

“Good,” your tone is cautious, but light, teasing even, “For a moment there, I was worried I was going to have to stab you with another knife there. At least none of the others can say they’ve shared that intimacy with me before.”

Hongjoong snorts out a laugh, “and I’ve still got the scar to prove it.”

“It scarred?” You blink, brow furrowing slightly in confusion as he nods. “I would have thought it healed considering the fact that you’re- you know.”

The way you motion to his entire being with your hand has a grin tugging at his lips, a pleased hum building in his throat.

“Yes, we can heal both ourselves, and others,” he confirms. “Quite quickly at that, too.”

“Then, why?” You attempt to wrap your head around what he’s just told you.

“We can also prevent ourselves from healing, or in this case, savour a certain wound until we feel the need to heal it.” He explains. “Though, I don’t think I’ll ever get rid of this one.”

“Why wouldn’t you?” Again, your brow furrows, not quite understanding the fact that he wouldn’t just simply heal himself.

“Because,” Hongjoong’s eyes flash, a smirk tugging at his lips as he meets your gaze, “now I have something to remember you by marked on my skin for all eternity.”

“Oh,” his words cause you to blink in surprise, especially at the way his dark eyes seem to be devouring your figure all of a sudden.

In the back of your mind, you cannot help but to think about what other types of marks he has hidden all over his body, if any. Then, just as quickly as the next thought appears, you’re banishing it into the deepest part of your mind, a heat rising to your cheeks.

A pleased growl rumbles in his chest as he catches you thinking about what other types of marks you could leave all over his body. Marks which he would proudly wear for as long as he possibly could. Perhaps even going so far as to make the ones you would leave from your nails trailing down his back to pull him closer into you scar.

“Still,” you blink, drawing his attention back to you and away from his own thoughts about how he would go about marking you, “I guess I should apologize.”

This time, it’s his turn for his brow to furrow. “Whatever do you have to apologize for, My Love?”

“I did stab you,” you reply. “Though, to be fair, you did scare the shit out of me. I was only acting in self-defence-“

The chuckle Hongjoong lets out has your voice dying right in your throat.

“What’s so funny?” Your eyes narrow, a pout tugging at your lips as you cross your arms in front of your chest.

“Do you think I’m upset that you stabbed me?” He asks, his lips tugging upwards in amusement. “My Love, that was one of the hottest things that has ever happened to me in centuries.”

“Oh,” you straighten, a heat once again rising to your cheeks.

“Not to mention how impressive it was that you caught me off guard,” he adds, taking a cautious step forward to close the distance between the both of you.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” you murmur, mild shock still coursing through your veins at his confession.

He simply hums in response, hooded gaze drinking in every detail of you in this moment with him right here, right now. A warmth spreads through his chest as his lips quirk, happy to know that he didn’t happen to scare you away from him again.

Progress. He’s making progress.

A small silence settles over the both of you, comfortable and soft. You take a moment to simply breathe in. Again, the smell of the flowers invades your senses, and you are reminded of where you are. Taking a brief look around, that gentle smile caresses your lips once more, gratitude flowing through your mind as you glance past Hongjoong and at the library just through the open doors behind him.

Those same emotions you felt when you first entered the library echo through your mind now. Truly, you are touched by the amount of effort and thought that went into this place, and the fact that even if you were joking about having a garden, they went above and beyond to continue to provide for you any and all comforts that you may need.

Maybe it really isn’t so bad being here with them. Maybe you don’t have to be so worried all of the time. Perhaps you are starting to trust them a little bit more every day. Over time, you think you could seriously get used to this. A life with them wouldn’t be so bad, now, would it? They have already proven time and time again that they are ready and willing to provide everything and anything that you may ever want or need.

Seonghwa’s words from earlier echo through your mind.

Perhaps they really aren’t so bad, after all.

“Would it really be so bad, then, if you were to fall for us?” Hongjoong asks softly. Your thoughts linger in his own mind, giving him one of the greatest gifts of all to hold on to as he meets your gaze: hope. He swallows, “for you to fall in love with me?”

You take a moment to observe him, eyes scanning over his face as you truly consider the questions he’s just posed.

“No,” you shake your head gently as your lips twitch upwards. “I don’t think it would.”

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linkspooky · 2 years ago

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YUTA OKKOTSU'S POWER OF FRIENDSHIP

So I’ve been writing analysis of every solo fight so far in the Culling Game arc, because for each of our four main participants (Yuji, Megumi, Yuta, Hakari) these fights are doing a good job of demonstrating the themes each character centers around, and challenging their ideologies. Yuji’s fight revolves around crime and punishment, because his main reason for fighting right now is his atonement for unleashing Sukuna in Shibuya, and he fights against a literal defense attorney. Megumi’s fight revolves around pushing his limits to be individually stronger, and also making the decision to kill for the first time because Megumi isn’t fighting to be a hero he just wants the power to save the select few he’s chosen to save including his sister.

Then we get to Yuta’s fight, which is so different from the first two fights and sets out to illustrate what makes Yuta so different as a character from Yuji and Megumi. Yuji and Megumi care about saving other people yes, but they’re also staunch individualists, they’re main strategy is to acquire strength for themselves and go off fighting alone following their own ideals. Yuta, while being the strongest of the three is a collectivist, and a borderline codependent one at that. While Yuji and Megumi both use their powers for their own goals, Yuta only seems to do things for the sake of other people, he’s entering into the tournament in the first place to help Megumi with his sister, and also kill Geto alone for Gojo’s sake so he won’t be forced to kill his best friend again. He’s even confused by his opponents fighting for themselves rather than their loved ones, which is why he stops in the middle of a fight to ask his opponent if it’s really worth fighting and dying in the culling game when you might have people who care for you.

1. Don’t You Have a Lover or Friends

So the main lesson Yuta Okkotsu learned in Jujutsu Kaisen Zero, is progressing from someone who wanted to die alone in his room so he would not hurt others anymore, to finding a reason to live in using his power to protect the people around him instead of being afraid of it. If Megumi and Yuji’s characters both revolve around two methods of saving people, Megumi who wants to pick and choose who he saves and Yuji who wants to save everyone he can, then Yuta’s character revolves around this idea of making connections to the people around him and finding strength from those connections. Ironically, of the three of them he’s the “power of nakama” Shonen protagonist guy.

In his original series he progresses from wishing to die alone, to wishing to live on with the other people around him. He even uses the power he was once so scared to use he was okay dying alone in a locked up room, to fight against and even kill Geto for the sake of protecting others. However, as Geto points out right away and as further characters will continue to point out there’s a bit of a self-centered element to the way Yuta sees the world. “How selfish - but it’s self-affirmation.” Basically, Yuta wants to be surrounded by friends to get validation from other people. If he didn’t receive that validation it’s likely Yuta wouldn’t have the strength to go on. Of course the same is true for a lot of people as well, everyone wants validation from others, but it’s important to understand Yuta’s entire mindset is constructed around this concept, Yuta literally only sees the world through the lens of the relationships between people.

When we’re reintroduced to him in Jujutsu Kaisen, right away we’re shown that his mindset has expanded since his fight with Geto. He personally doesn’t know Yuji, but because Yuji is important to his other classmates, Yuta will fight to defend him too.

However,there are a couple of things that are off about this scene. One, Yuta misunderstands Yuji in a subtle way when he’s tryingto comfort him. As I said Yuta has a pretty self-centered view of the world, not that he’s selfish because he literally does everything he does for the sake of other people but rather he’s only capable of understanding his own mindset. He doesn’t really comprehend the way that Yuji thinks. He only understands Yuji is an importnat person through his way of seeing people through their relationships, “Yuji is important to people who are important to me, so I should treat him that way.”

For context on how... weird... Yuta’s sense of empathy works. That line “you’re important to the people who are important to me” is a direct Hunter x Hunter reference. It’s something Neferpitou says when they’re attempting to heal Komugi for the sake of the king.

To give a really, really brief meta of this scene. The king of the chimera ants create three newborn soldiers to act as his royal guard, who are all unconditionally loyal to him. They represent three developing stages of empathy. The first one fights, but doesn’t question his orders at all, and doesn’t really develop any attachment beyond that. The second one (the butterfly one) is so aware of their own feelings, that they actively crave the chimera ant king’s love and validation and they also get jealous and attempt to monopolize him. The third Neferpitou is the only one who has a developed enough sense of empathy to realize that even though they might not personally care for Komugi, Komugi is important to the king, and therefore someone to be protected if they also want to take care of the king’s emotions.

This is also a pretty close parallel to the three stages of empathy development.

Cognitive empathy is being aware of the emotional state of another person.

Emotional empathy is engaging with and sharing those emotions.

Compassionate empathy involves taking action to support other people.

My point being that like, Yuta is a hugely empathic character yes, but he’s also being compared here to a frankenstein’s monster nonbinary cat who was born literally like a week ago and is just now developing a sense of empathy. If Gege is purposefully referencing Neferpitou here and drawing a line between the two characters, that means Yuta was probably in about stage two in Jujutsu Kaisen, Zero and is just now crossing the line into stage three. His empathy is still in the process of developing is all I’m saying, and we see signs of that throughout his fight.

There are a couple of things Yuta are shown doing, that both Yuji and Megumi don’t do in their fights, primarily because they’re so focused on themselves. For example, Yuta is the only one who attempts to reach out and understand his opponents, asking them questions like why they are fighting.

He’s also the only one of the three shown like, making an actual attempt to protect powerless people and innocents, even like having to give up Rika and fight significantly weakened against two strong opponents in order to protect a stadium of people who can’t fight for themselves.

In comparison Megumi, bless his heart, almost takes out the powerless Remi for betraying him in his fight, even though she was for the most part just a scared girl trying to survive in a bad situation and panicking and the only thing that stopped Megumi from finishing her off was his connection to Tsumiki.

Not only are Yuta’s priorities different from most of the other sorcerers, because he firmly values other people and his connections to other people over himself, he also really can’t comprehend why some of the ancient sorcerers are reincarnating and fighting in this battle thousands of years afterthey originally died if they don’t have any loved ones to fight for. Yuta’s entire mind is focused on protecting friends, but he also doesn’t understand how people who don’t have friends can even fight in the first place.

This is shown throughout the fight for Yuta to be both a weakness and a strength. Yuta has things to protect, and things to fight for and because he’s trying to do both at once (protect himself, and also keep other people in the culling game safe) he’s stuck fighting on multiple fronts and is severely weakened by not having Rika around because she’s off protecting other people.

In contrast he’s also fighting against two people who have basically no reason to live, no people to protect, and therefore nothing to lose. They’re putting it all into the fight and risking it all. Yuta also, can’t understand either of them. He doesn’t udnerstand the pompadour guy who is only fighting for the selfish desire of living a satisfied life, and he can’t understand what it’s like to have absolutely no reason to exist like the lady who was once a vassal of the Fujiwara.

Yuta is also even cornered in the fight despite his good intentions, and forced to withdraw Rika from protecting people in the stadium, and put them at risk because otherwise he would lose the fight and die right there. All of this to say, while Yuta’s very idealistic and empathic, he also is working in a really harsh reality where people have to constantly compromise on their ideals, and most people don’t really have the strength to protect everyone around them. Even Yuta does not wield that kind of strength to protect everyone all on his own, because he’s forced to put other people at risk by recalling Rika just to survive.

He’s also not completely capable of empathizing with others as he wants to be even if he reaches out. When he tries to reach out to the girl, he’s basically called out for the fact that, someone as powerful as he was who hasn’t lived through her circumstances really can’t understand her. Even if he has good intentions.

So, Yuta’s a pretty unique character in that he’s based on both the strengths and shortcomings of empathy. For one, Yuta’s cursed technique is copy (it’s implied he consumes people to copy their technique, as Rikka quite literally devours a piece of Uro’s arm and then he’s able to use her technique). He also is one of the few characters who makes attempts to reach out and understand their own opponents. He talks to Uro, and he also, has a moment of connection and clarity with pompadour guy.

Their reasons for fighting are very different, Ishigori fights for his own sake, Yuta doesn’t actually care about fighting it’s a means to an end he just wants to keep his loved ones around him. However, when he battles against him, Yuta is such a big empathy sponge that even though he doesn’t understand him, in their final showdown he relates to him just a bit and wants to give Ishigori the full power battle he’s seeking.

Yuta’s also a character who is very unique to the Jujutsu World at large, because he values other people so much he goes against the grain of the heavy individualist mindset For one, he spares opponents who may be a threat to him later. Ichigori even comments he’s not someone who could ever become as strong as Satoru Gojo or Sukuna, because he still takes into account the feelings and wills of other people instead of ignoring them entirely and focusing on himself.

Yuta is also, running contrary to where a lot of other character’s arcs are going. For example, Gojo was only able to become the strongest after abandoning his earlthy attachments to people like Geto and focusing on fighting entirely alone, at which point he became the pillar of jujutsu society. Even Maki reaches her potential, not out of cooperation with her sister, but after the death of her sister makes her let go of everything. In both Gojo and Maki’s mindsets, the people they were tethered too, the people who humanized them, were also holding them back from reaching their full potential for their physical strength so they let go and chose power over that connection

Yuta makes the opposite choice from almost all other characters in this pattern. Instead of choosing to become a singularly strong person, he keeps choosing again and again to hold onto the attachment of his comrades. And as I said, there are limits to Yuta’s empathic mindset. He doesn’t have the pure aggression of someone like Sukuna. He also can’t understand people like Uro who aren’t blessed and therefore “have nothing”. Yuta is only able to fight the way he does, because he’s naturally gifted with an extremely strong curse technique, and he also is surrounded by good friends.

Yuta even comments he might have killed both of the people he was fighting against, if his comrade hadn’t made it possible to transfer points without killing them in time. However, it’s because Yuta chooses to fight with those people instead of fighting alone, that makes him so much different from others sorcerers, even if it means he’s also more vulnerable. Maki destroyed her humanity and threw away her human heart when she lost Mai, whereas Yuta fights to keep his, even though that’s the more difficult path to walk as a sorcerer because everything in the world of sorcerers encourages you to destroy any vulernability you might have and fight alone.

Of course I wonder where this great conflict of Yuta’s that is set up is going next. As I previously established, he is basically the opposite of Maki.

I wonder if the reason Miwa showed up at the end of his fight is to tell him the news of what happened to Maki, as Maki showed up with Mai’s body in front of Momo and asked her to bury it, it’s understandable Miwa might know what’s happening. Either way, Yuta is definitely a character who is going to be continually challenged on his ideals, because fighting for togetherness and cooperation is basically fighting against the extremely individualist mindset of jujutsu society as a whole. There may even be a clash between Maki and Yuta in our future, because their ideals are so different, the way that Geto and Gojo despite being each other’s closest friends and closest thing to an equal eventually had to clash because their ideals became so different.

#yuta okkotsu #maki zenin #jjk meta #jujutsu kaisen meta #ishigori ryu #takako uro #jujutsu kaisen theory #jujutsu kaisen spoilers

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tarosin · 3 years ago

Text

the great adventures of y/n, tommy, wilbur and phil

requested: yes/no

an: part 7 of the great adventures series - a rollercoaster of emotions

warnings: cursing, jokes about death (like the vlog) , didn’t proof read as its 6am sorry for any mistakes

it had been around a week since you last spoke to tubbo, the pair of you got into a heated argument and honestly you didn’t want to be anywhere near the boy. no one heard from you since you and tubbo blocked each other, ranboo would talk to you about how you need to forgive and forget and Tommy would do the same to tubbo eventually you unblocked each other however apart from that it was pretty much useless neither of you were willing to talk to the other person, it was just one of those things that needed time, soon enough you’d be friends again. at least you hoped that would be the case. later that day Wilbur sent you a message asking what time he should pick you up tomorrow not wanting to argue you let him know a time and went off to get ready for the night.

The car ride to Alton towers was pretty quiet the majority of the ride was spent playing random car games like eye spy or singing along to the radio as there was no traffic you got there rather quickly giving you longer in the park. you loved theme parks and Tommy knew this so he took the opportunity to invite you and get you out of the house, he also knew he would need the support. Phil began recording as you all made your way through the park the sky car was first so you could get to the other half of the park Tommy made it pretty clear he wasn’t the biggest fan of this and you and Wilbur didn’t help his cause by discussing the recent crash in Italy that killed a group of people, you pointed out all the rides you passed teasing Tommy whilst Wilbur interviewed him on why he wanted to hit 10 million subs, as soon as Tommy mentioned the girl from college your eyes widened and you sat trying not to laugh as Wilbur and Phil sat telling him to call her. Tommy looked at you trying to get back up but you responded by telling him you want to speak to her.

once off the sky car you stood with an arm around Tommy's shoulders as Wilbur spoke to the girl who you’re hoping is in on it and that they’re not calling up the poor girl unexpectedly. as soon as you were informed that her favourite ride was the smiler Tommy pulled you into a hug hiding his face in the crook of your neck

“Are you serious”

“you’ll be fine it’s the safest ride here...if you ignore the crash”

“y/nnnnn”

the four of you walked around the park looking for an easy rollercoaster as you make your way up to the smiler, the blade caught Wilbur's eye so the three of you made your way whilst Phil decided to stay back to record, you sat next to Tommy reassuring him that he’s going to be fine and how it can’t be that bad as a family with a young child got on the ride after you.

“if I pee myself will you laugh at me”

“yes..actually that’ll make it easier for me”

“Please don’t do that Wilbur”

“only for you y/n”

the ride started slowly however the speed soon picked up you sat laughing as Tommy went on to make references about technoblade and how he’s never going to die. soon enough the three of you began ‘singing’ the lyrics to road trip in an attempt to calm down a little bit. was it working? no. a few minutes later the ride came to an end as you made your way off of the ride you heard a child screaming about how fun it was

“awe”

“how is that six-year-old shouting I loved it”

“are we cowards”

“yes, yes you are”

you made it to Phil first and rambled on about how fun it was before Wilbur and Tommy made it to you both wanting to go home

on your journey to the next ride, Tommy pointed out claw machines and dragged you to them, Phil had a go first and didn’t win the dog Tommy wanted, you had a go determined to win however like Phil you didn’t win

“This is bullshit ill buy you a toy dog”

“Why are you never satisfied”

“Good question”

you walked away from the machines with the others Tommy complained that he was being forced to go on the rides, you pointed at the smiler and Wilbur announced you could all go on that now, the rest of the walk was pretty quiet after that. soon enough you were in the queue to go on duel, you were walking with Phil not realising that Wilbur was currently telling your best friend that he was going to die, the only reason you found out was because Tommy ran up to you asking if he was going to die

“Tommy, no who told you that... Wilbur stop laughing it’s not- it’s not funny”

“y/n you’re quite literally laughing”

you put your finger on your lips and walked off. you sat with Phil so you could have a break from Tommy screaming in your ear as soon as Tommy yelled there were guns the ride began, you weren’t the best at this ride you missed the target a few too many times than you’d like to admit, once the ride was over Tommy made the mistake of laughing about how low your score was you made eye contact with Tommy and placed your hand on his shoulder

“Tommy... you screamed at everything the entire way around. if that ride was any longer i’m afraid I’d lose my hearing”

“didn’t you also do shit Tommy”

“fuck off”

and with that you left the ride walking through the gift shop, you and Tommy were like little children picking up anything that was covered in bright colours, you and Tommy found a squishy monster and named it Clarence you ended up getting attached and Wilbur stayed with you as you paid for it whilst Phil and Tommy were leaving the shop

“Phil we lost y/n and Wilbur”

“sorry y/n got distracted”

you all continued walking to the next ride Tommy instantly got distracted by the dryer outside of the river rapids ride and spent a good few minutes asking to go into the dryer. at this point, you noticed another toy shop and ran off to that one whilst they argued with Tommy about the dryer a few minutes later you met up with them again as you began making your way to the next ride

“what I hate the most about Phil is his kindness”

“wasn’t kind enough to let me win on duel”

“I pray on his downfall”

Phil turned to you only to be met with you nodding as Tommy goes on to talk about hating his generosity

“Phil I've been thinking about you... it’s ruined my day”

“mine was ruined by Tommy screaming at stupid o clock in the morning”

“y/n it’s 12 pm”

“okay and I usually wake up at 3 pm this is early for me”

you stood in the queue for river rapids, as much as you wanted to make Tommy calm down you hated this ride and Wilbur saying there was a chance of drowning made you hate it even more

“y/n will we be fine”

“no this is horrifying I remember the incident where someone was dragged under a ride like this”

“Y/N”

“what are you two thinking about then”

“I’m thinking about the beyond”

“I’m thinking about the sweet release of death”

“you might be going there”

“no, we won’t”

you and Tommy began to panic as you got closer to the ride, Tommy announced the floor was moving which tricked your brain into believing that the floor was moving, Wilbur was still talking about you all dying in a few minutes whilst laughing at Phil trying to make him stop despite the fact he was clearly laughing. Tommy got on first as you were making your way to a seat Tommy pulled you over to him so you were sat together. a worker came over and told you all to keep your seat during the ride

“can I get off”

as soon as you finished your sentence the ride began to move making the others laugh

“ill take that as a no”

a few minutes later you forgot you were scared as you were too busy laughing about the fact that so far out of the four of you the only person getting drenched in water was Phil. this newfound confidence didn't last long the ride began going faster and you and Tommy got drenched in water

“We made it through the second most dangerous part”

“heh...”

you looked at Phil tilting your head waiting for him to confirm that Wilbur was just trying to scare you again. your thoughts were interrupted by Wilbur beginning to speak to the camera

“Alton towers is a very safe and risk-free theme park fun for all the family”

he flipped the camera so the three of you could be seen Phil was laughing Tommy had his head in his hands and you were sat with your hood over your head hiding your face so you couldn’t see what was going to happen. Phil told you to hold on but he was interrupted by Wilbur using the camera to record the four of you together again it was clear you and Tommy were not having the most fun on the ride compared to the others. the ride crashed into the small wall next to the ride causing it to jerk forward making the four of you hit your leg

“my fucking thigh”

“y/n there are children nearby”

“y/n, Tommy you two are lucky to be alive”

you and Tommy turned to face each other then looked back at Wilbur who was continuing to chant that you’re lucky to be alive clearly ignoring Phil who was telling him to stop. eventually, the ride came to an end and you all got off, Phil helped you walk around for a minute as your legs felt extremely weak after that ride

“you okay now y/n”

“yeah yeah thank you, Phil. I'm never going on that ride again”

you all made your way to the centre of the park Wilbur disappeared as you and Tommy stood begging Phil for cotton candy, your only argument being that you really wanted it

“please Phil”

“We can have a little”

“we’re growing Phil we need more than a little”

“it’s diabetes in a box”

“it’s pure joy”

“yeah it’s fun in a box let us get some”

“stop being a dick”

Wilbur came running out of a shop carrying as much cotton candy as he could shouting for you and Tommy to take some and run which you gladly did. the pair of you sat on the grass eating as much cotton candy as you could

“ITS BLUEBERRY”

“that is so sugary”

you and Tommy both grabbed a fistful of cotton candy waving it at the two adults in front of you both, resulting in Phil calling you both goblins, they both walked away leaving you two to enjoy each other’s company for a little while whilst they had a break from the pair of you screaming.

“that’s..that's Tommy and y/n”

it was almost time to face the smiler but before that, you had to conquer oblivion again this was another ride that terrified you but Tommy's reaction to the ride made you laugh for a good few minutes until you realised you were in the queue

“oh fuck. we are going to die”

“you’ll impress the girl and y/n you’ll impress tubbo”

“ill buy her flowers”

“This is a death trap” you went on first and sat a few seats away from the middle Tommy not far behind you

“if we die ill never forgive you”

“you’ll be fine”

“will we though”

“I mean”

“Tommy she was hesitant to answer that get me off this ride”

just like last time the ride started just as you finished trying to get off the ride

“y/n you really need to stop asking to get off the rides it makes them start earlier”

the way to the top of the ride was mainly just you and Tommy yelling curse words trying to stay calm

“Phil do we have to”

“Why could I not stay with Wilbur”

“awe look at the view”

“can we just stay up here- oh shit don’t look down”

“any last words”

“lovely knowing you all”

just before the ride was about to go down the drop Tommy grabbed your hand only letting go for a minute whilst you got off of the ride, as soon as you were making your way to Wilbur so you could all go on the spinball wizard ride he held your hand again keeping you close. your way to the ride was a range of Wilbur telling you all about the smiler or Tommy telling you all he was worried he was going to piss

“what the fuck is yours and Wilburs obsession with announcing you might piss on the ride”

you sat with Wilbur for this ride as he was the only person you hadn’t sat with yet and Tommy sat behind you both, you and Wilbur spent the ride screaming, yelling song lyrics or saying your goodbyes

“for lmanburg”

“Should I be worried.. you did you know create an explosion”

you spent the rest of the ride laughing before it came to an end. you all made your way to the smiler making jokes about how it’s all the girl from college wants to see him on.

“you ready Tommy”

“let’s go home”

“no”

“y/n you’re supposed to be on my team”

the four of you made your way through the gates ignoring Tommy who was yelling about it being a prison simulator, you sat at the end next to Tommy

“so this is safe”

“apart from the crashes yeah”

“y/n? is it safe?”

“it’s safe Tommy I can see you’re genuinely scared I wouldn’t lie in a time like this..maybe”

you and Wilbur agreed to become his wingmen and a few seconds later the ride began, you spent the ride laughing quietly as Tommy began confessing his love

“POGCHAMP”

“I WISH I SAT SOMEWHERE ELSE”

as soon as the ride ended you stood as a group again and called the girl from college, Wilbur practically yelled about how Tommy went on the smiler only for the girl to ask who Tommy was and how she wasn’t friends with him

“it’s okay mate”

“you okay Tommy”

you and Wilbur pulled Tommy into a hug.

a few minutes later you all made your way back to the car park as it was getting late. once in the car you handed Tommy the squishy monster you both named Clarence, Tommy screamed whilst pulling you into a hug before asking you how and when you were able to buy it. when you were halfway home you began to get a migraine Tommy pulled you into a side hug so you could rest your head on his shoulder and have a nap for the rest of the journey back home.

a few days late you received a message

tubbo: I miss you

y/n: I suppose I miss you too

tubbo: that’s good because I’m outside please let me inside

y/n: on it!!

taglist:

@l0ver0fj0y @etheriaaly @xx-smiley-xx @hawarun @c1loudee

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biaswreckme · 4 years ago

Text

how to care for your hybrid | jjk

Pairing: hybrid!Jungkook/Reader

Member: Jungkook

Length: 5253 words

Genre: smut, fluff, angst, 5+1

Rating: 18+

Triggers/Warnings: smut, hybrid smut, oral (f receiving), fingering (f receiving), insinuation of past abuse (but nothing explicit or even saying what happened), mention of abandonment

Project: @btscreatorscorner March workshop with the theme push the limits

Summary: how to care for your hybrid, or 5 times you cared for bunny hybrid!Jungkook and one time he took care of you

A/N: So this was supposed to be a drabble and it turned out to be a 5k fic. Alright. This was written for this month’s workshop for BTS Creators’ Corner network, and the theme was to push the limits. I had never written a hybrid fic before, so I interpret the theme as coming out of my writing comfort zone (even though it’s still smut...) Thankssss to my lobely lobely betas, @heejinnien for beta-reading the sfw parts of this fic, and to @taegularities for beta-reading the nsfw bit :3 I love you girls ♥

You can find the sequel here.

1. Provide them with a comfortable home

You still remembered the day you had brought Jungkook home from the shelter. You had gone with a friend, just as a companion, not intending nor really wanting to adopt a hybrid. Sure, you’d feel lonely sometimes, living by yourself and in a foreign country, but the thought of adopting a hybrid had never crossed your mind. Adopting a plant? Sure. Adopting a cat? Maybe. Adopting a hybrid? Never. Until you saw him, that is.

The shelter was legit, your friend had said, having done her research. But the place still made you uncomfortable; the creatures, those people, inside the divisions - you refuse to think of them as cages - waiting for someone to help. You had to bite your lip to keep from crying upon seeing them, knowing it was a rescue shelter, and then your eyes crossed with his.

There was some magnetic energy in the air that had pulled you closer to his unit until you could read the informational pamphlet: he was named Jungkook, a rescue bunny hybrid. Your gaze had immediately shifted to the man again; he was only a couple of years younger than you, but there had been something about his gaze that almost hypnotized you. He had such wide, expressive, and round eyes glistening with moisture and paired with his ears drooping low on the back of his head, you could not resist it.

There would be a home inspection and you would need to get some provisions to fulfill all the exigencies, but you rushed to get everything together. They had provided you with a list of items to make the bunny hybrid comfortable and ease the transition, and you did not hesitate, deciding to worry about the credit card bills later.

And so you took him home. He had clung to you entering the apartment, slowly exploring the space and showing where he would be sleeping. At the shelter, they had told you the hybrid would need an appropriate bed, but you hadn’t felt comfortable just getting a bunny bed at the store, so you got him a real and human bed, wanting him to feel at ease enough to not need to shift into a full bunny to sleep - they had also told you he tended to do that, sleeping as a bunny because he did not feel comfortable in his hybrid human-like body.

You had gotten the basics necessary for the approval of the adoption, and then you took him to the store, letting him choose his own things. It would be a while until that wide-eyed, surprised look would leave his expression, even when you were alone at the apartment and just hanging out on the couch on a Sunday night. That first night, giving him the blankets and tucking him in, you promised to take care of him, and you could barely hear his voice in reply, so small and shy, even though he was much taller - and more muscly - than you. It did not feel right that he had to make himself so quiet and small if that was even possible, so you swore to yourself that you would do everything to help him come out of his shell.

And soon you would find yourself in the company of a very loud and boisterous bunny, no shame about singing, his love for gaming until late hours, and working out. And you could not avoid falling in love with him.

2. Make sure they are getting appropriate food

It was a Friday night, you got home tired after a long day at work, and you smiled to yourself, biting your own lip upon the sight that greeted you upon entering the apartment. A shirtless Jungkook, towel haphazardly thrown over his shoulders, his torso glistening with sweat from working out in your living room. He lifted his head upon hearing you enter, a big smile lighting up his face and his long ears pointed up. He got up and made a movement to hug you.

“Hi, noona!”

“Oh no, you don’t,” you barely ducked out of the day. “Jungkook, you’re sweaty…”

He was faster than you, predicting where you were going to dodge his new attempt at enveloping you with his arms, something he had been picking up whenever you joined him in a boxing workout. His arms quickly went around your body, pressing you against him, your forearms up in the failed endeavor of avoiding getting his sweat all over you. He hugged you tight, his chin resting on your shoulder and you felt one of his ears on your head as his entire body seemed to tremble, and as you looked down you saw his tail wiggle from side to side rapidly.

“You’re finally home,” he sighed, swaying you softly from side to side.

“Is everything okay, bun? I’m sorry I’m late, they had me stay…”

“I’m so hungry,” you could almost see the pout, knowing the small lisp that came out whenever he pursed his lips and whined.

You looked around the living room, seeing the empty protein shaker bottle on the coffee table, narrowing your eyes.

“Didn’t you have your shake? You were working out.”

“Well, I did…” he started.

“We went grocery shopping and there are still some veggies and fruit cut up from our weekend meal prep, bun,” you felt him hiding his face even more on your shoulder, squeezing your body. “What’s going on? Am I forgetting something?” There was a slightly teasing tone in your voice, knowing what he wanted.

“You promised…” his voice was a mumble, muffled by the way his pouty lips were pressing on your body, but before you could ask him to repeat, “You promised pizza night, noona.”

“I know, bun, I haven’t forgotten it,” you stepped away from him, looking into his eyes and seeing his demeanor change completely.

“Oh?”

“I made the order when I was stuck at a red light. I got your favorite,” you were about to continue, but was interrupted by his sweaty hug again, this time accompanied by a chuckle.

“Ok, we have just enough time to shower before it arrives, so let’s run and get ready.”

You were right and there was just enough time to quickly wash the day - and Jungkook’s sweat - away. You set up the coffee table while he went to get the pizza, knowing it would be hot and he would almost drop it entering the apartment as usual. You sat side by side on the floor in front of the small table, turning the television on to the show you have been binging, your backs propped up against the sofa.

Jungkook was usually very strict with his diet, being mindful of the food he ingested to maintain his physique and try to lower his body fat percentage - which was crazy to you, his muscles were already prominent and he seemed to get only bigger… how were you supposed to leave the house to work when you had your bun looking like that, especially early mornings, his hooded half-open eyes almost smiling at you wishing you a good day at work. Your fridge was always full of fresh and cut-up vegetables, fruit, and greens, catering to his diet (and you had to admit you have been eating much better since he entered your life). Sometimes you thought it was all his difficulties from before, his time spent in the shelter, that he had such a love for a cheesy hot pizza every once in a while during the weekend.

And how could you say no to him when he purposefully lowered his ears, pouted, and widened his big round eyes even more to convince you?

3. Explore new things together

“Come on baby, you said you wanted to try this. It’s just us now.”

“Y… yes, noona. It’s just so… big.” Jungkook’s eyes were wide open, looking at the size of the pool in the club. For as much of a muscle bunny he was, the sheer magnitude of the pool seemed to scare him.

He first brought up the idea when you were watching tv a few days ago, some random program late at night showing people on a beach, and Jungkook had seemed to be fixated on the screen. He wanted to visit the sea, for he had never been there before. You agreed to it, but you had to admit that you were scared too, so you compromised: you would start your water adventures at a pool, so he could test things out, see if he truly enjoyed being in the water and swimming.

A few calls later there you were, standing by the water. You picked a time when they said people weren’t usually in - it even involved getting a day off work so you could go this early, but you would do everything for Jungkook. You looked at him, observant, watching his reactions carefully. His ears were down the back of his head, his hands clenched together in front of his shirtless torso, his front teeth worrying into his bottom lip. You took one of his hands into yours and started taking him in the direction of the small ladder to enter the pool. For a moment you wanted to jump in, but you didn’t want to make him even more nervous.

“It’s okay, bun, we’re going into the shallower part so most of your body will be above the water, ok?”

He nodded, but still seemed hesitant to get in, waiting for you to do it first. You stepped down the small ladder, showing him that almost half of your body was above the water, that he would be safe and didn’t need to worry about this part. The water was on the warmer side; you thought going for the hot pool was the best idea to help him feel comfortable at first. He stepped in feet by feet, slowly, his nose scrunched, but the moment he felt the warmth on his feet it was like magic: his ears shot up and his eyes widened in surprise, his mouth coming into a small circle.

You smiled encouragingly and stepped back, giving him some space, seeing him put one of his feet to the bottom and then the other, grounding himself. He was taller than you and he noticed the difference in the level of the water surrounding you. You lowered your body, telling him you were doing it first so as not to frighten him and submerged yourself to get your hair wet. When you emerged, you saw his eyes were wide again, but his ears were not down as before. There was a glint of curiosity in his expression and you nodded in encouragement for him to try it out.

“It’s just like when you wet your hair in the tube, bun. Here, hold on to my hands and remember to hold your breath.”

He did so, holding them tightly in his fists as he bent his knees and lowered his body. You chuckled slightly when you saw that half of his ears were still out of the water, so you quickly untangled one of your hands from his and lightly pressed on them so they were submerged too. He got up and shook his head, water droplets flying everywhere. He started laughing when he saw you put your hands in your eyes, and you couldn’t help but laugh along with him.

“Good?”

“Yes, noona, it’s good.”

“Are you ready to go a bit deeper?” His long ears perked up at your question, but his face seemed apprehensive. “Not much, we’re not swimming today, just going a bit more so you can maybe try floating.” His head moved up and down, agreeing to the idea, and you couldn’t help but think it was so cute the way his ears moved too.

You grabbed both his hands again so you were looking at each other as you slowly started to step back further into the deeper part of the pool. You didn’t rush, letting him adjust to the increasing level of the water, and only moved when he seemed comfortable. Jungkook always loved to have baths, so you figured he would love going to the pool too, especially a hot one. His smile got wider with each step, feeling more confident and safe with you. When the water hit your shoulders, you stopped and let his hands go.

“Bun, let’s try floating, ok? We’re starting small today, so you can just come closer and put your arms around my shoulders.” You said as you turned your back to him, and almost immediately you felt his arms around you. “Good! Now try letting your feet rise from the floor, let your body float a little.”

He tentatively lifted his feet, clinging to you harder as his body moved with the slow slushing of the water.

“I’ve got you, Kook,” you said as you pressed your hands to his. “I’m not letting go. Trust me, bun. Kick your feet back and put your weight on me.”

You felt him kick the water behind you, his strong arms flexing as he let his weight fall onto you. You knew the moment he started to float and enjoyed it; he pressed his face against your neck and started giggling, and when you looked at him, his nose was scrunched with happiness. His long ears were slightly facing backward, his eyes half-closed, and his little tail wiggling. You walked around the same area of the pool while he kicked his feet behind him, laughing freely as he enjoyed himself. As soon as you taught him to swim you would be taking a small holiday on the beach; you wanted to see this joy in him forever.

This moment was worth everything.

4. Make sure they are getting enough attention

“Morning, noona.”

You heard his voice, so gentle and still thick from sleep, waking up to the sound and the small kisses, his lips softly pressing against the back of your neck, his nose smelling your hair, his warm chest pressed against your back. You made an attempt to move your body but he tightened his arms around you.

“No moving yet, noona.”

“Morning, bun. What are you doing?”

“Just making sure you’re not going to leave my arms today,” he started, and you noticed his voice was heavy with emotion.

“Bun?”

He stayed quiet, hiding his face on your shoulder blades, and you did not say anything else until you felt it, until you felt them. There were small droplets of tears falling on your skin, and you turned around quickly to look at him fighting his embrace. Your hands immediately went to his face, wiping his cheeks, seeing him close his eyes and just quietly crying. Whenever he got like this, he would usually be quieter, needing to talk in his own time, so you did not ask him anything else, giving him space to let his feelings out. All you did was press your forehead against his and wipe his tears with your thumbs, and when you saw he would not stop so soon, you hugged him, letting your shirt dampen without caring about it. The moment you cradled his head against your chest, sobs started to wreck his body, making him shake and you could feel tears gathering in your own eyes. You had no idea how long you were like that, slowly caressing his hair, minding his long ears, but all that mattered was Jungkook. Slowly you felt his body starting to shake less, his hard sobs turning into small hiccups as he almost clawed at your back, needing to be closer to you.

“You’re… you’re not leaving me, right, noona?” His voice was quiet, but his question was too loud in the silence of the bedroom on a Saturday morning.

“Jungkook… no, love, I’m not leaving you,” your heart started to crackle with this question, and you pressed him against you even more. “Why, why do you think that, bun?”

He sniffled, pressing his nose against you and inhaling deeply, then said, his tone still small, “I’m feeling lonely… this past week…”

“Oh, Kook…” it seemed impossible, but you held him even closer to you, “I’ve been just too busy and exhausted from work, I know I got here yesterday and you were already in bed… I’m sorry, I’m sorry...”

He sniffled again and you felt a new wave of fresh tears wetting your clothes.

“I thought…” he started, but his voice faltered. “I thought I made you mad. I thought you were angry at me… and that…” there was a small sob that shook his entire body, “I was scared, noona, I was scared you were going to take me back.”

You could not stop your own tears from falling on top of his head; you had no idea he had felt that way. You had tried texting him during the day whenever you could have a moment for yourself at work throughout this insane week, but again and again, they demanded more hours from you and you did not have the chance to say no. Jungkook was still finding his freedom and footing in the world, and it had worried you that you had to leave him to spend more time by himself than usual. But you never expected this reaction, and you made up your mind. They could ask someone else at work, why did it always have to be you?

“No, Kook… Listen, bun,” your voice trembled, so you paused to be more stable when talking to him. “I’m so sorry you were alone this week, this is not going to happen again, I promise. And the day you came home with me I made a promise, remember? I’m never taking you back unless you want to go.”

He shook his head quickly, signaling his opposition to the idea.

“I don’t want you to go either, bun. I love you, and I’m sorry again.”

He finally looked at you, murmuring I love you too, a small smile gracing his lips. Your chest was starting to feel lighter, starting to relax after being so worried at his crying. You had never seen him like this, and you never wanted to see it again.

“What do you need from me, bun?” you said and kissed his forehead, letting your lips linger for a brief second.

“Can we just… stay in bed today? I want to stay like this in your arms, I missed you too much, noona.”

“Whatever you want, love, I’m yours.”

“I never want to leave this bed,” he whined, burrowing closer to you, and you noticed that even though his face was swollen from the tears and his voice was hoarse, his ears were more relaxed than they were before; they were tense in a way that was new to you.

“What about food? And I’m sorry, you’re not using this bed as a toilet, ok?” you tried to lighten the mood and it worked, the sound of his delightful chuckle filling the room, and you laughed along. But you understood and agreed. You never wanted to leave this bed. And at least for the day, you would only leave when necessary, needing to feel him in your embrace and carefully observe as he truly started to believe in you, leaving his worries in the past.

5. Love them unconditionally

The first time it happened was purely accidental. You were cuddling on the sofa, watching television, your hand caressing his hair when you felt his entire body tremble with such force that you stopped and looked at him, your hands away from him.

“Jungkook, bun, what… did I hurt you?”

You were worried; his arms were crossed in front of his body and his hands clasped together tightly on his lap. His doe-like eyes were more expressive than ever, open wide, his long ears were down, and he seemed to still be shivering. What had you done? You noticed there was a pink hue starting to tint his cheeks and neck and when you kept staring at him, you saw that he tried to make himself smaller. You felt tears start to gather in the corners of your eyes, fearful that you had done something to remind him of his life before, as he usually referred to the time that preceded the shelter.

“I’m sorry, Jungkook. I’m so sorry, just tell me what I did so I don’t do it again.”

“You didn’t…” he started, his voice slightly higher-pitched than usual. He cleared his throat and continued, his eyes wandering around the living room, “you… I…”

You nodded, trying to encourage him to speak, needing to know what went wrong.

“Noona… my ears… my bunny ears, they’re, hm, too sensitive,” he said, blushing harder, and he shuddered.

Oh.

Oh. Your gaze shifted downwards, and you could see his hands were trying to conceal his erection. You licked your lips unconsciously, and his eyes seemed to get even bigger.

“Bad sensitive or good sensitive?”

He looked down at your question, clenching his hands and pressing them on his crotch, but said “Good sensitive, I think?”

You scooted a little closer to him on the couch but still did not touch him. “Talk to me, bun,” you said softly, feeling that the subject was delicate, but you wanted to know whether or not to bring it up again, whether or not you could touch him like that.

“Noona… no one ever touched them like this before, like you,” he seemed hesitant, but continued nonetheless, “you don’t hurt me. You like it, you like me, right?”

You did not think twice before enveloping him into a hug, pressing him tight against you, overwhelmed with emotions at his question.

“I love you, Jungkook. Every part of you.” You had a feeling that this was what he needed to hear. It was not often that you saw him being insecure anymore, and it tugged on your heart uncomfortably. “You don’t ever have to feel bad with me, ok? I love you,” you repeated, emphasizing, trying to comfort him.

“I love you too, Y/n,” his voice continued soft, but he looked a tiny percentage more confident. “I think… at some point… maybe…” he looked at you, and you nodded again for him to continue. “I think I might want you to touch them when we’re, you know,” he wiggled his eyebrows up and down, chuckling, and there he was, getting back to you.

You laughed with him. It was unusual seeing him this shy in talking about sex, as he was definitely not shy at all performing it or even talking about it most of the time, but you understood this was a different issue.

“Only if it will make you feel good, bun, you know I don’t want to hurt you or make you uncomfortable,” you took his hand and held it, caressing the back of it with your thumb, and he nodded.

The next time it happened was not accidental at all, and it caught you by surprise.

You were already in bed, whispering sweet nothings as sleep didn’t reach you. The kiss started innocent enough, his lips pressing softly against yours while his hands stopped at your lower back, pulling you towards his body. His tongue caressed your lower lip and you opened your mouth, deepening the kiss as you pressed your body closer to his. His leg nudged its way between yours, and shortly after he rolled over you, his underwear not able to conceal his erection and you felt it directly where you needed it as he grabbed your leg and wrapped it around his waist.

His kisses moved down to your neck, nipping and sucking, his hips subtly moving, stimulating you. You grabbed his hair as he descended, lifting your tank top, softly sucking on your nipples as his hands started to lower your panties. He wasted no time, licking your slit from bottom to top, pausing to circle your clit before putting his lips around it and sucking rhythmically as one of his fingers teased your opening, slowly moving in and out. It wasn’t long until you felt your orgasm building that your hands grabbed his hair, pulling him up and towards you.

“I want you in me,” you whispered against his lips, tasting yourself, you needed to feel him.

He nodded and quickly removed his underwear, throwing it haphazardly behind him. He moved back between your legs, lowering his body on top of yours as you crossed your legs on his waist, helping the angle. His cock started to press into you and you felt the delicious stretch, inch by inch. His thickness filled you perfectly; you could almost feel the veiny lines that adorned the underside of his cock pressed on your walls, and whenever his hips made those small sharp trusts, the upwards curve of his erection put some pressure just right where your sweet spot was.

It was sweet and slow, your mouths connected in a seemingly never-ending kiss, his hips moving without rush, the pleasure building unhurriedly and constantly, his weight on top of you heightening the feelings. You started canting your hips with his, your languid movements following his rhythm, and his hand reached to yours, intertwined your fingers. He broke the kiss, looking into your eyes as he directed your hand to his hair. You immediately entangled your fingers on his dark strands, tugging on it and he moaned, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them again and stopping the movements of his hips. Before you could ask what happened, he pushed your fingers from his hair, shaking his head softly and smiling. Still staring, he lowered his head and made your fingertips graze against one of his long ears, almost a ghost-like touch. You opened your mouth in surprise and let out a loud moan at the same time, as your first touch on that sensitive part of his made him snap his hips hard once against yours.

A shiver perpassed his body, probably due to the intensity of the touch, but he looked at you and nodded, and so you did not hesitate. Your other hand went to his head too, so you could gently caress his bunny ears; he trembled again but started moving his hips, this time with more urgency and small whines came out of his mouth in between kisses on your neck. One of his hands sneaked between your bodies, his thumb circling your clit, pressing on it, needing you to get closer, the intensity of his orgasm starting to overwhelm him. You were already close, so close to it, but you wanted him to reach his peak with you.

“Can I…” you pause to moan, feeling the edge approaching, “can I touch your tail too?”

He seemed so lost in the moment that you had to repeat the question, the need clear in your voice, and upon hearing it again, he did not hesitate in moaning out an affirmation, curious to see what it would feel like. You waited until you were at the brink of the precipice, your right hand going down his body, his back. And just as a sharp snap of hips hit you just right, snapping the coil of your orgasm, your fingers reached the fluffy tail. Feeling your touch, Jungkook let out a loud shout and stopped his hips, his cock deep inside you as you felt him pulse and his entire body trembled. He fell on top of you as aftershocks still ran through his figure, little high-pitched moans leaving his lips. You were not sure how long you were like that, legs entangled, your fingers caressing his back soothingly as your own body calmed down from the intense orgasm.

“Jungkook?”

“I’m…” he moaned out, “good. We’re doing this again as soon as I have control over my body, okay?”

You chuckled and he moaned for you to stop, the tiniest of movements overwhelming his senses. The next time you giggled at a comment he made, he turned you over, pushing your upper body into the bed and hoisting your hips up, and you certainly did not laugh anymore that night.

+1: Expect to be surprised by them

You heard the commotion outside on the street and you ran out of the apartment to the front door of the small building to see what it was about, and you opened it just in time to see Jungkook stepping out of the cause of the noise.

“Bun, what’s all this?”

“Oh hi noona! Surprise!”

It was indeed a surprise. This morning you had woken up and could not find Jungkook anywhere so you assumed he had gone for a run, but apparently not. There he was standing and waving at you in front of a camper van, a huge smile on his face, his long ears perked up. You could see your neighbors, Taehyung and his cat hybrid Jimin next to him, a sheepish expression on Taehyung’s face and a smile as big as Jungkook’s on Jimin’s lips.

“We’re going camping, noona!” Jungkook said as he approached you, enveloping you into his arms. “You’ve been so tired from work and now that you have a break, I thought we could go camping and have some fun…”

“Right now?” You asked, a little overwhelmed, but starting to get excited about the idea.

“Yes! Taehyung-hyung called up this place and rented the van, we got groceries, and Jimin even helped me pick a new coat for you, noona, I know you needed one.”

You felt your eyes tear up. You were so used to taking care of Jungkook and putting him in the first place that it was strange having someone take care of you like this. But this was Jungkook, you should have expected that. The day you brought him home from the shelter, he had said he would take care of you just as much as you would take care of him. You kissed him softly, pressing him against your body, and you whispered a thank you low in his ear.

“I love you, noona. Now let’s get your things ready, we have to get going, or else Tae-hyung said he is going to play all his old records in this player he brought the entire trip,” he stated wide-eyed and clearly hinting that he definitely did not want that.

You chuckled, knowing how picky Jungkook was with everything - his food, his clothes, his music. You took his hand and pulled him into the house, waving to the other boys at the front, signaling you would be out in a minute. You quickly packed a bag with Jungkook’s help and you waited as he got his camera and equipment bag, not forgetting the aux cord, set on not letting the other boys have control over the music.

What you would find only later on that evening is that for the first night, Taehyung and Jimin would set their tent a little far from the camp, giving you two some space for the date Jungkook had planned. A bottle of your favorite wine, Jungkook cooking a simple dinner by the fire camp, the bun’s eyes shining brightly as he scrunched his nose, and his small tail wagging slowly to the rhythm of a Frank Sinatra record under the moonlight.

Hope you enjoyed it and if you want to read more, how about finding out about the first time bun!Jungkook went to the beach?

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beyondspaceandstars · 4 years ago

Text

The Wounded

Relationship: Steve Rogers x Reader [Dating], Bucky Barnes x Reader [Platonic] Warnings: mantions of kidnapping, slight depictions of PTSD, angst Summary: After you survive a kidnapping that ends up affecting you in ways you and Steve never anticipated, you turn to Bucky for comfort leaving Steve confused and insecure. A/N: alright this is an older one I had sitting on my computer i felt like uploading but very sorry for the lack of content! I am currently dealing with finals but this is my last year so fingers crossed i’ll have more time after this! Still, please enjoy this, I remember really enjoying writing it :)

Masterlist

You shot up in bed suddenly, praying your eyes would adjust to the pitch black darkness of your bedroom fast enough to ease your brain. As your heart raced and sides ached with bruises, you took in your surroundings finally.

You were in your bed, your boyfriend Steve sleeping peacefully next to you. You knew this in your brain but your heart didn’t. It still raced relentlessly, just a haunting reminder of your latest nightmare.

The nightmares always had the same theme. They always seemed to circle back to your troubling and scarring kidnapping you had suffered just a few weeks ago. It was a devastating ploy by some equally devastating men to get to your boyfriend. The abduction didn’t last very long — just about a week in some musty, dirty cell being kicked around — but the scars it left on your brain where so much deeper than you had ever realized until recently.

The physical abuse was bad but the bruises and cuts were healing just fine. It was the mental and emotional games they played that was going to take longer to ease. The words were haunting and they followed you in every crevasse of your brain, typically leaving you running on a couple of hours a sleep. It was a cruel routine: go to bed safe and sound, find peace for two hours, wake up in a cold sweat, watch mindless TV in the common area until breakfast.

Here we go, you thought as you made your way out of the bed. Steve was still undisturbed, in a peaceful dream sleep, typically unaware of your absence. The few times he had caught on you rushed him back to bed, claiming you just wanted a midnight snack. He never questioned it but his eyes always told you he wasn’t convinced. You ignored it — you just couldn’t tell him. The guilt he carried about your kidnapping was unbelievable. You worked so hard to convince him you were alright, it wasn’t ever his fault, and that the wounds were healing because you couldn’t bare to see those eyes in such a miserable state.

It really wasn’t a total lie — the wounds were swell and you wouldn’t dare to blame him for something not in his control — but then the nightmares started. The daunting voice began chiming in. The depression… the anxiety… the fear… it all came at once so unexpectedly.

You tugged on your fluffy robe along with your slippers and made your way to the kitchen. As you rounded the corner you were stunned to see the kitchen light already on. Peaking your head in, your eyes fell on Bucky who was situated at the kitchen island snacking on some chips.

You stared, unsure of whether you should head to the living room and venture into the kitchen. No one had ever been up with you before and if they did, they never made themselves known.

"I can feel you staring, Y/N."

Bucky’s rough voice brought you out of your ridiculous phase. You sighed and made your way to the fridge.

"What are you doing up?" You asked, grabbing a carton of vanilla ice cream along with a spoon and making your way to the island. You stood opposite of him, watching and waiting for a reply as he crunched on the chips.

"Isn’t this the time you always get up?"

His question stunned you. Holding his intense stare, you placed your spoon on the counter next to the ice cream. Suddenly, your stomach was in a knot. Maybe a part of you didn’t want anyone to know what was going on.

"I just wanted a snack," You gave your go-to spiel but the ex-assassin wasn’t buying one bit of it.

"Every night?" Bucky scoffed. "Probably should eat a bigger dinner, then."

You rolled your eyes as he gave you his know-it-all smirk. You loved Bucky really —totally loved his company and all that — he had been such a great friend to you and so inviting but no matter what, without a fail, he could always pick up on anything that was off. Steve, of course, could see right through you but he always gave you the benefit of the doubt. He was gentler with you, never wanting to pry or upset you, and you were so thankful for that. But Bucky didn’t give a shit — if something was wrong he was gonna find out one way or another.

"Why are you up?" You repeated your initial question, getting a bit fed up with this now. He stalled your question and reached for more chips. You sighed in annoyance and opened the ice cream carton, digging into the creamy deliciousness.

"Something’s up with you," Bucky finally answered. His voice was a bit softer and way less cocky. Hearing someone express they saw you weren’t okay nearly had you in tears. You shoveled more ice cream in your mouth, staring down at the granite counter.

You shook your head. "Just wanted a snack."

"Jesus Christ, Y/N." Bucky groaned. "Come on, don’t make this hard." You placed your spoon in the carton, pushing it to the side. You fiddled with your nails as thoughts and feelings swarmed in your brain. It couldn’t hurt for someone to know, right?

"Nightmares," You spoke softly, voice cracking ever so slightly. "Just some bad nightmares."

"The kidnapping," He whispered. You saw his fists clinch at the mention of it. Your kidnapping had shocked everyone. They all had their own way of handling it but usually it was just a lot of confusion. You weren’t some hero. You didn’t have magical power or a fancy training. You were just a nurse who bandaged up the heroes when they came back. Even with dating Steve, no one expected you to be a casualty.

"It’s really messing with my brain," The words were rough to get out but once they were out there, you felt a new freedom. A weight you never realized was so heavy was being lifted so carelessly with words.

Bucky just nodded and waited for you to continue.

From then on, your nightly routine was no longer a lonesome thing. Bucky began joining you every night with snacks and a therapy session. It felt easy to talk with him about it especially since he understood. He didn’t have to pretend to know how you felt — he had felt it all, too. He got what being captive was like, how the mental manipulation went, how strong the effects of it all could be… You for once didn’t feel crazy. But most importantly — someone knew. Like really knew. And you were immensely grateful.

It seemed to be helping as well. You knew when the thoughts got rough, you could just spew it all out. You could talk about what exactly had happened to you without fear of being looked at differently. The whole thing was like breathing fresh air. You could even sometimes fall back asleep on the couch which now put your sleeping time up to four glorious hours.

The nightly chats really put your daytime spirits back up. So much so, Steve was getting a little suspicious. While he was so relieved you seemed to be doing better, the steps you took to get there were still a mystery to him and you could tell he was curious. When you’d join him in your shared room at the end of the day, he’d ask more questions about what you had done through the day. It was almost like he wanted a play-by-play and you did your best to comply.

It wasn’t until a week or so later that he started catching on to you leaving in the middle of the night. Without knowing it, he had used all his might to stay up one night to see if something was going on. You didn’t appear to be doing anything but work during the day so something must’ve been happening in the night — and that’s when his mind wandered. The thoughts of what could be helping you started to get a little unpleasant.

It was a random Tuesday night and you were on the couch with Bucky eating some pretzels. He was sitting up right while you were laying on the couch, legs thrown over his lap. You were going on about how your nightmares had gotten weaker when unexpected foot steps halted your words.

"What’s this?" The unmistakably strong voice of your boyfriend boomed through the living room. You scrambled to sit up, throwing pretzels all over the coffee table. Both stunned and unsure, you and Bucky stared at Steve. His demeanor was hard, his face unamused, and his eye said he was ready for a fight.

"Steve, babe, what-," You fumbled for your words, trying your best to reason. He hadn’t caught you two doing anything but his energy was so startling it made you unexplainably scared.

"What? What am I doing up? What are you doing up?" He marched towards the couch. Hesitantly, you stood up to face him. Bucky stayed seated, looking at you both with a slight expression of annoyance. He knew how possessive his best friend could get but this felt excessive.

"Just wanted a snack-,"

"Don’t bullshit me," Steve growled, taking an intimidating step towards you. You jumped at the harshness. Sure, you guys had had disagreements before but this was entirely new.

"I… I’m not… Steve-,"

Steve took a deep breath.

"Y/N," His voice got deeper. It was slightly too calm compared to his attitude just seconds before. "Tell me why you’re up at night sneaking around with my best friend."

"Sneaking around?!" You gasped. "Steve, that is not-,"

"OH, IT’S NOT?" Steve’s voice boomed throughout the common area. Even a watching Bucky jumped at the noise.

You quickly backed away from him, completely scared beyond belief. His eyes were harsh, his entire demeanor fuming with anger. You had never seen anything like this from him and it started to bring up the memories you worked so hard to heal from.

"Steve, man, take it down a notch…" Bucky finally stood from the couch and placed his hands on Steve’s shoulder.

Steve flinched back, nearly ready to throw one at Bucky, but something in him clicked. He lowered his hand and took a few deep breaths. Coming to his senses, he looked at you and saw the absolute horror on your face. He had never seen you look at him like that and it broke him into a million pieces.

"I… just… what the hell is going on?" Steve meant for it to come out nicer, but the harshness was yet to leave him and his tone. You started rubbing your hands together, a nervous tick you’ve had forever. Bucky tried to get you to stop when he noticed your movements, but Steve’s cold glare wouldn’t let him anywhere near you.

"I can’t sleep anymore," you said, breaking the silence with a much more powerful voice than you intended. You didn’t know you had the strength. "Ever since… I can’t sleep. I keep having these nightmares and Bucky’s been helping."

Steve scoffed, "Helping?"

Bucky rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. Now you were getting weary of both super soldiers.

"We sit up talking," Bucky explained. "It helps her… well both of us, really, to talk, watch TV… anything."

"And you didn’t tell me this because…?" Steve asked, pointing his attention back on you. When his eyes met yours, a shiver went down your spine as his cold gaze. You sighed, realizing the gig was up.

"God, Steve, I didn’t wanna worry you!" You exclaimed. "The last thing you need is a girlfriend with PTSD. You go through enough shit and I just didn’t wanna pile it on."

The admission sat in the air heavily around you three. Bucky looked relieve you finally said something but Steve’s eyes just held so much confusion. Personally, you felt so much weight coming off you. You thought you’d never have to tell him, assumed everything would sort itself out, but no, you finally spoke up.

"Honey," Steve sighed with sudden tears forming in his eyes. "You didn’t… You shouldn’t have done that, you know you can tell me anything, right?"

You nodded, "Steve it was just so scary. I didn’t know what to do. Bucky was just there and he got it and would just sit up with me and-,"

"Alright, hon," Steve cut you off and made his way closer. Thankfully, you didn’t flinch away. "I understand and I’m glad you had someone, but I would’ve helped. I can help you, sweetheart."

"I’m sorry," You whispered as he pulled you into a hug. You threw your arms around his torso and buried your face in his chest, letting the pent up tears flow. Steve rest his chin on your head, stroking your hair softly.

"I didn’t know you were hurting this much," he admitted.

"It’s been so fucking scary,"

Steve could almost feel his heart breaking at the sound of your voice alone. Your words just piled on so much.

"I should let you two…" Bucky began, essentially forgotten standing next to you two. You pulled away from Steve to look at him.

"Thank you, Buck," you said.

Steve nodded in agreement. "I’m sorry for the overreacting I just… I thought the worst, but really you probably saved my girl."

Bucky gave a small smile and patted Steve on the back. "I didn’t do anything. It’s her strength you gotta thank."

With that, he made his way to the elevator and back to his room, leaving you two still standing in an embrace in the common area. You stared up at Steve, watching his expression towards you change. What was once so scary and harsh was back to the softest man you’d ever met.

"We’ll make some calls in the morning but for now, would you come back to bed?" Steve asked. "I can’t imagine anymore nights without you."

You nodded, giving him a peck on the lips. He led you back to the shared bedroom and for once, you went to bed with a sense of hope.

#steve rogers #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers one shot #steve rogers imagine #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes imagine #angst #steve rogers angst #mcu #mcu fic #marvel one shot #marvel fanfiction #marvel #avengers #writing*#fluff

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ange1s · 4 years ago

Text

cherry emoji - mark lee

synopsis: in which mark asks to see your boobs, and the idea you had of your relationship is thrown up in the air.

wc: 3.6k

genre: this is so fluffy it hurts, some angst but nothing crazy

tw: suggestive themes (boobs), swearing

playlist: pluto projector by rex orange county, ivy by frank ocean, tapestry by bruno major

a/n: guess whos back ,, back again ,,, ange1s back ,,, tell a friend,,,, also this is unedited so i'm sorry if theres a mistake :')

my anon asks are open !! feel free to ask me anything or request something <3

“i have a weird question.” mark says timidly. you’re sat on the floor, your back against his bed playing a rhythm game on your phone. he is sat at his desk, parallel to his bed, but with the rolling chair swivelled around to face you straight ahead. you don’t look up.

“hmm.” you hum, focused on the game.

mark swallows. “can i see your boobs?”

you drop your phone into your lap, forgetting about the game. you look up at him, straight into his eyes, and you giggle.

“wait, what?”

mark avoids your eyes almost fearfully, as if you were a detective questioning him for a crime. “can i see your boobs?” softer, this time.

you let out a shallow laugh. “don’t you watch porn? there are boobs there.”

mark blushes. “no! i mean, yes i do, but not real boobs.”

you cross your arms under your boobs on purpose, just to push them up a little higher to drive him nuts. mark sits back in his chair in frustration.

“so you think women aren’t real? that all boobs in porn are fake? jeez mark i thought you cared about women-“

“no! that’s not what i meant!” he says, exasperated. he continues to avoid eye contact with you. “of course i don’t think-“

you laugh again, keeling over. “relax mark, i know you don’t think all women are plastic.”

“look, there’s nothing wrong with being plastic, women can do whatever they-“ mark speaks quickly and nervously as if he were on trial.

“shut up minhyung,” you cut him off with a softer, more serious tone. “why do you want to see my boobs? you’re famous and cute. you could instantly find boobs wherever you go.”

he chuckles. “the word boob is so funny.”

“not the point, minhyung!”

he leans back over, the embarrassment slowly washing away. “stop calling me minhyung!”

“never, minhyung!” you retort without even thinking. you stand up to sit on his bed, now at eye level with him. “now, explain.”

“i… i dunno. i’ve just never seen boobs before. like, in person.”

you look directly at him, brain not even thinking anymore. words just fly out of your mouth with ease. “were you breastfed?”

“y/n!” he exclaims out of frustration. the embarrassment fizzles back in. he throws his head to the back of his chair and covers his eyes with his palm dramatically. he runs his hand down his face, tugging on the soft skin as it travels down. as his hand makes it back down to his lap, you giggle a little louder. “my mom’s boobs don’t fucking count. god, you made me think of my mom’s boobs. what the fuck?”

“sorry,” you manage in between giggles. “sorry, this is so funny.”

“this is impossible. i knew i shouldn’t have asked you.” mark pulls himself out of the chair and heads for the door, but you’re just as fast as him.

“now wait…” you grab his wrist to keep him from leaving. a wave of guilt washes over you. “i was just kidding.”

“were you? you didn’t sound like you were.” he says, his face still turned away from yours.

he sounds strangely hurt. “mark, are you okay?”

mark turns to face you and he looks defeated. he slumps down on the floor next to you, his knees up near his chest and his head in his hands.

“mark…”

“they were making fun of me.”

“who?”

“my friends! they were making fun of me. god, i sound like such an idiot now, whining about my friends like this, oh my god. i sound like a child.”

you rest your elbow on his shoulder giving your hand access to run through his soft, black hair. “you don’t sound like a child. you’re allowed to get upset.”

you take note at how the air shifted in the room. how quickly you focused and listened. you’re only like this around mark. with him, conversations can shift in an instant to anything. you understand each other on a deep, personal level. it’s something you don’t think you’ll ever have with another person for your entire life. maybe your soulmate. honestly? you can only dream to have this sort of connection with your soulmate, a connection so alive and so full of trust. is it even possible to have this with someone else? the fact that mark can make you think about how much he trusts you during a conversation about boobs is something only mark can make you feel. no one else. just him.

has it always been just him?

“it’s so stupid though. one minute lucas is bugging me about the fact that i’m a virgin and i’ve never seen boobs before and the next minute i’m on the floor of my bedroom with you, still not having seen any boobs mind you, nearly crying. damn. this is the lowest point i will ever reach.”

you push his hands away from his face and place your hands on his cheeks instead. “mark, please don’t cry. i hate it when you cry.”

the last time you saw mark cry was a month ago after watching a disney movie. seeing him cry just makes you cry, and since you were already crying, you just cried harder. seeing you cry makes him cry too, so he cried harder as well. the two of you just cried together until your heads hurt, to which you both took tylenols and tried to dance it off.

“i’m pathetic. insecure and pathetic.”

this is when you realize that there is more depth to his feelings than you thought.

“look, mark, i’ll show you my boobs. i trust you. i’m honestly surprised you haven’t seen them accidentally yet since i’ve known you for so long.” you chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. didn‘t work. “but i get the feeling that there’s more to this then just boobs.”

mark never really vented to you like this before. despite how close you are, he still kept things from you growing up, as a teenage boy does. you never took offense to this, as you kept plenty from him too. he never quite talked about his insecurities, his fears. he didn’t want to burden you with them. mark, so sweet and thoughtful. maybe too much for his own good. he needs to learn to share things.

he's starting to, though.

it takes him a while to speak, avoiding your eyes entirely. he speaks lowly, as if he was scared to tell the world what he was about to say.

“it’s just… everything about this sucks. everything. i’m kinda scared to tell you things, which can make us drift apart because we lose trust. then again, if i do tell you things, i’m scared it’ll freak you out and i’ll lose you. those are both bad endings. then, i’m scared to put myself out into the world. like, lucas is telling me to just find someone. go out, ask for a number, have a good time, live like someone in their 20s should be living. i can’t really do it though. every time i try, i choke. lucas once tried to set me up, you remember that, right?”

“yeah, that was the girl who stood you up.”

“yeah. it’s awful. every time i try it fails. i’ve been trying to get to the bottom of why it fails every single time but i just couldn’t. but then, i realized.” he shifts and faces you causing your hands to fall off his face and into your lap. “when i came home after being stood up, i wasn’t sad. i forgot the moment i left the restaurant. i texted lucas that the date didn’t happen and just shut my phone off and went to your place. i wasn’t sad because i knew i had you. i knew that you were going to make me feel better and that made it all go away.” he pauses. “you know? sometimes i get worried that i put too much on you. you’re my happiness, my relaxation, my joy. i worry sometimes that you’ll suffocate because i take so much from being with you. i keep this in the back of my head all the time because i just don’t want you to go. ever.”

holy shit.

“mark…”

“let me finish. i talked about this with lucas, and he told me that i can let myself be selfish sometimes. he said that i can want this that… that i can want you. i can think about you and how you make me happy and i can want that happiness yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and the day after. shit, i care about you more than anything. my heart swells and my stomach gets all these annoying little butterflies when i think of you. it’s fucking crazy. and now, today, here i am. you know, lucas, jaemin and i were talking about girls and boobs and fuck i don’t know, jaemin said that i just had to get that intimacy with someone. and it just fucking clicked. the only person i want to be intimate with is you and i’m thinking now that maybe i was stupid for asking to see your boobs. which is so stupid, i could’ve just asked to kiss you or share a bed with you or i don’t know. i’m really sorry if that was gross of me. i just wasn’t thinking. it’s so damn hard to think straight when it comes to you. i just really want to be closer to you, however that might be.”

your heart races at a speed that doctors would deem impossible. you don’t know what to think or where to look. you feel like you’re going to explode. though, if you explode, he’ll probably explode too. that wouldn’t be good.

mark looks down. he fills with regret. he doesn’t think he should've said that. maybe you'll hate him now. maybe you’ve never felt this way about him before.

you inhale slowly, trying to convince your lungs that breathing is normal and not something that can just stop when hearing speeches like this.

what is the proper thing to say? mark i love you? but do you love him? everything is so confusing right now. of course you love him, but you never considered love in this way. can i kiss you? too forward? but he wants intimacy, and you want it too. i feel the same way? boring. you can do better. mark, and his way with words. so beautiful. how do you compete? mark, you’re beautiful. mark is so beautiful. you try so hard to compose the words. maybe too hard. maybe it’s okay to go with option 3.

now, they just flow out. “mark… i think i feel the same way you do. i don’t know it’s just- i’ve always felt some sort of way toward you. something is so special about you. i spent years trying to decipher it, thinking it was just something platonic or brotherly or i dunno. i just never considered… this. i don’t even know what to call this. but it feels right. you’ve always felt right.”

he has. and he always will. he looks at you so lovingly, his enamoured gaze stuck on you. you can’t look up at him, but he watches you.

you continue. “fuck, i don’t know what to say. i’m so… god.” you run your fingers through your hair, as if to comb your brain in search for the right words. “i think you’re so beautiful. everything about you. and i’m so fucking grateful to have someone as amazing as you in my life. i don’t know what i did to deserve someone like you, and i feel like i really don’t deserve you. but it feels right. to be with you. to be alone with you. it’s just right.”

you let a little tear trickle down your cheek. you know if you look up at him, you’ll probably cry harder. you know this well, yet you look up.

“i don’t know what i did to deserve you either.” mark sighs. it’s his turn to wipe your tears now.

“so… what is this? what… are we?” you ask, melting into his hand, which somehow feels softer on your face.

“i don’t know. we can be whatever you want us to be.”

you playfully punch his shoulder, his hands sliding off your cheeks. “come on, you know i hate it when you say that.”

he gets defensive. “and you know i hate it when you hit me! you have a strong hand, yanno? shit!”

you laugh at him, clearing the last unwanted tear off your cheek with the pad of your thumb. “what can i say? gained strength from all those pillow fights over the years.”

“yeah, pillow fights i won.”

“shut up! you know i won the one at jeno’s party!”

mark laughs aloud. your favourite sound. “yeah, because everyone was drunk and you were still on your second drink. it was a very unevenly matched fight!”

“i still won!” you cross your arms and sit up straight as if you assert dominance over the conversation. who are you kidding? it’s all a joke anyways.

you crack after a moment and both of you erupt in a fit of giggles. his head falls into the crook of your neck, and it feels right. it’s almost as if your skin buzzed. you don’t know why, he’s done this many times before. but now, it’s different. the air has shifted again, so quickly. only with mark.

when he comes off of your neck, you stand up. you walk up to the door of his room, and lock it.

“y/n, what-“

you sit on his bed. “can’t have someone walk in while you’re ogling at my boobs, right? i know you and you’d never be able to live that down.”

mark is quick to stand up in defence. “what? no, we don’t have to do that anymore. i said my piece and im over the boob thing and-“

“shut up mark. you know you want to. and i kinda wanna show you too.”

he sits down on the bed across from you without another word but before either of you can move, he speaks again. “wait, kinda? please don’t feel obligated. only do this if you’re-“

“minhyung, please! i want to, ok? i really appreciate how you’re taking care of me but it’s fine. i trust you, and you trust me, right?”

he swallows hard. “right.”

“okay, perfect.” you pull your shirt off over your head, leaving you in your bra. if this was with any other boy, you’d be self conscious about literally everything: the bra you chose, the shape of your body, the hair in the places you let grow out. with mark, none of it matters now. he’s seen you in bathing suits before, this isn’t much different. and knowing how much he cares for you anyways, you know his head is clouded with praise and nothing less. his brain is working so fast right now, he probably won’t even register any imperfections.

“can i take your bra off?” mark sputters out as if he were holding onto the words for hours. “or wait, fuck-“

“yes, you can.”

he is almost shocked at your answer, and it shows. mark’s hands move slowly, his skin slightly cold as he grazes your skin. he leans in unbelievably close to wrap his arms around you to reach your back. he feels your breath on his chin, and your beautiful eyes look so sweet as you look up at him. when he finds the clasp, he kisses your nose as he pulls away, your bra coming back with him. you straighten your arms so the straps fall right off, showing your boobs.

mark is shocked. flabbergasted, even. his jaw almost drops in a shameless, teenaged boy way.

“dang. they’re so cute.”

you scoff. “cute? first boobs of your life and all you have to say is cute?”

“well what else can i say? i am not very well versed in the vast vocabulary that exists to describe your boobs.” he chuckles. “jeez, why is the word boob so fucking funny?”

you can’t help but smile timidly alongside him. that is what mark does, he makes you feel safe no matter what the situation. mark is always worried about you, worried if you are feeling comfortable and if you are okay with what is going on. he never wants things to be tense when you are around, because he hates to see you upset.

right now, you are the opposite of upset.

“y/n,” he brings your attention back to him. you hum in response. “can i touch?”

you freeze for a moment, and nod timidly. mark scoots a little bit closer, and reaches out with his right hand to gently cup your left breast. his hand is warm, and your skin needs a second to adjust to his temperature. he squeezes the flesh in the absolute slightest way, and quickly brings his hand back. he laughs almost exasperated.

“oh my god, it’s squishy? boobs are squishy?! why did that never register in my head?” he laughs loudly, as if he had just discovered something monumental.

“you’re just finding out now? oh my god mark, that’s common knowledge!”

mark looks down, his cheeks red from laughing. “dang, i’m so touch starved that i never knew until now that boobs are squishy. insanity.”

“the more you bring it up, the sadder it gets.” you reply.

he looks up at you with scrunched eyebrows. “don’t be mean. can i touch again?”

“yes, you can.”

mark cups your left boob with his right hand again, this time running his thumb softly over the supple skin. he doesn’t know what his limits are yet. can he go further? can he touch other parts of your boobs? can he touch other parts of your body? he is scared of going too fast and scaring you. mark is doing his very best today to be as careful as possible, as this is probably, remarkably, the best day of his life so far.

he pushes his index finger into your boob gently to poke it, and you laugh softly. at this point, you are just looking down at mark’s hand on your body. honestly, the fact that he isn’t doing anything is almost relaxing.

you look at how slowly his finger moves, like your skin is made up of the most delicate material in the world. he holds you with such care, such control. it is a feeling you want to feel again, and again, and again.

mark inhales slowly. he wants to go further. he wants more. he doesn’t know how you feel yet, but he will wait for you every step of the way.

but just as he opens his mouth, he hears a thud on his door. “mark hyung, we’re home! is y/n here? come eat with us!”

you both jump, as jaemin’s loud voice destroys the entire atmosphere. mark turns a cute shade of pink almost immediately, and takes his hand off of your skin. you are surprised at first, but lose all tension as you watch mark’s reaction. the poor boy is so embarrassed, but even more upset at how shortly your time was cut off. you laugh as he grabs your bra and tries to put it back on you. unfortunately, he cannot figure out how to close the back shut.

“i’m here! we’ll be there in a sec.” you shout, sparing mark from saying something stupid. you clip your bra straps together, and pull your shirt back on.

mark looks upset. “i’m so sorry they cut us off. they were supposed to be out all day, fuck. i’m sorry-”

“mark, baby, it’s okay. you didn’t know. besides, this isn’t ending here.”

mark looks up at you. “baby?”

“oh gosh, i don’t know where that came from. i’m sorry.”

“no no, its cute. i like it. baby. it just…”

“makes sense?”

he nods. “yeah. this makes sense. it really does.”

mark’s heart pounds in his chest as he takes your hands in his. today, they feel softer, warmer. he inhales sharply once again, hoping this time jaemin doesn’t break his door down, or something of the sort.

his thumb does the thing again, rubbing your skin gently. “y/n, i don’t want to be friends anymore. i think we are more than friends.”

you smile. “i do too. this makes sense.”

mark feels like he is going to explode. that would be bad though, because if he exploded, you would too. that wouldn’t be good for anyone.

“so i guess you’re my girlfriend now.”

you giggle softly. “that sounds so much better than best friend.”

“dang, it kinda does, doesn’t it?”

you let go of his hands and climb off his bed. he follows instantly after you do. right before you go to unlock the door, mark takes your hand once again, and turns you to face him.

you heart races as you lock eyes with him. you cannot believe everything that happened today. how your best friend, who you’d known for your whole life, confessed everything he felt for you, and poked your boobs mere minutes after. and that’s okay, because that’s mark. your mark.

“do we have to go down? i really want to see your boobs again.”

you lean over and place a kiss on his cheek, which causes him to lose his train of thought completely. “you’ll see them again soon, i promise. but if we don’t go down, jaemin will come upstairs and try opening your door. you know him, he’ll freak out when he sees that it’s locked. we’d get found out before we even have a chance to start.”

mark sighs. “fine. no more boobs today. guess i’ll just have to suffer without your boobs in my hands. shit, how am i going to survive?”

you unlock the door, and twist the handle. “well baby, i guess you’ll have to figure it out.”

#neowritingsnet #nct fluff #nct mark #mark lee #nct 127 fluff #nct dream fluff #nct dream imagines #nct 127 imagines #nct angst #nct 127 angst #nct dream angst #i love mark lee #mark imagines #mark lee loml

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elysianslove · 4 years ago

Note

Hi! <3 I'm the roomate hc anon again (lol) and can I request best friends to lovers hc for iwaizumi, kuroo and oikawa? Also this blog is gonna blow up soon so remember me when you're famous bro 😌✊️❤️

OMG HI AGAIN! i’m so sorry this is late :( but oh my the excitement that flooded through me when i saw this request hsvhjsd. i really hope you enjoy this!! also vshdks i luv u bb THANK YOU.

iwaizumi hajime

im making these as detailed as fuck so i apologize in advance <3

becoming best friends with hajime was a very out of the blue thing

the two of you shared a lot of classes together, and since you were always seeing each other, you’d choose each other as partners a lot

you’d sit next to him in all the classes that you could

you’d meet up a lot during school breaks and just hang out

you two clicked very well honestly, like you found that it was so easy to talk to him, and it was so easy to lose yourself in the conversation

most of your convos are v mature and sophisticated too like

it’s nice when you can talk to someone on the same brain wavelength as you yk 😼

anyways overtime you’d come to his practice sessions, and even if they were long you’d just stay and watch bc why not

if you had hw to do and he noticed you were a lil stressed about it, he’d tell u to come study while he practiced as a change of scenery and all

he’d walk you home almost every night at this point

oikawa noticing and being jealous <3

“they’re stealing you from me!” “they’re not— what is wrong with you oikawa.”

okay so this best friend stuff has been going on for a long time

long enough for you to realize you wanted more from him

but this is iwaizumi hajime and it’s almost impossible to know what he’s thinking

ever

so you just keep it to yourself, thinking it’s just a small crush and it’s not worth ruining what the two of you have at this rate

so all this had happened first year, and when you’re nearing the end of your second year

that’s when you realize that

shit

it’s not just a crush

and when you have feelings for someone, every little thing they do expands a million times in your head

so a hug from him that you’d once never go over twice has you thinking about it as you go to sleep

the hoodies he’d lend you during practice while you stayed in the gym bc it was ungodly cold in there now send tingles down your spine at the lingering scent of him

the way he’d grab your hand to drag you somewhere now leave a heavy effect on your palm, forcing you to trace it once he’s gone

his texts give you butterflies

every time his name pops up on your phone screen you have a mini heart attack

and yeah

those are all symptoms of a crush

but is a crush meant to last this long?

at the start of your third year, you greet him outside of the school gates after not seeing you all summer

he smiles so bright and hugs you so, so tightly

you already are so hyperaware of how strong iwa is

but the feelings you have for him that won’t go away are so not helping your fixation on the feel of his biceps

anyways before this becomes v nsfw

you two catch up like u had met yesterday

and then at the end of the day, after practice, which you stay for bc u missed ur vbc boys 🥺

he walks you home

like always

and as he stands by your front door, in a burst of courage, he takes your hand in his and pulls you harshly towards him, pushing his body against yours and capturing your lips in a heated kiss

it’s so messy and harsh and you pretty much collided

but holy shit

you were pretty sure fireworks erupted when you two kissed

years of pining and what had felt like unrequited love finally being resolved

it’s the most satisfying feeling ever

you never want to stop kissing him

but alas </3

when he pulls back, you’re both breathing so heavily

you’re not sure if it’s the adrenaline or the kiss itself

and he just looks at you and goes “did u tan while you’re away ur eyes look brighter”

no sir i am in love with you

when you two officiate things

he’s actually way shyer than he was as best friends???

like as best friends he wouldn’t feel slightly weird about hugging you in public or grabbing at your hand randomly or being seen alone with you

but now like

people know ??? and somehow that scares iwa

or makes him uncomfortable

idk he just feels iffy

but ur so understanding bless ur heart <3

ur so careful with him and take it at his own pace

zero pda at the start of the relationship

like he won’t even wanna hug u in front of the seijoh team

but slowly he warms up

and he starts getting more comfortable with things like hand holding and occasional pecks on the cheek/lips

your traditions as best friends don’t die as lovers

if anything you believe in them even more

now you watch more diligently during practice

you proudly attend his games in his jersey, cheering the loudest for him (and for the rest of the boys bc they: best)

walks home with you are so much more serene

always gives you a kiss before he parts ways

idk it’s like some sort of commemoration for your first kiss/confession

unless you invite him inside 😏

this is so fucking long im so sorry i just love iwa

anyways anybody want boyfriend!iwa headcanons i got a lot hehe

to conclude, it was so gradual and inevitable with the two of you, and you’re forever glad it happened when it did and you hadn’t rushed anything <3333

oikawa tōru

unlike hajime, this wasn’t something that took one or two years

this bitch couldn’t admit he was in love with you for like 10 years okay

you’ve known him for the majority of your life, because you’d always lived in close proximity to each other

but you were never best friends yk? just acquaintances

it was around the end of middle school when you two got close

cause you saw he was applying to aoba johsai for high school

and you were like !!! i’m going there too

at first he was like stop copying me 😾

you guys had a staring contest bc y’all are idiots and there were legit tears streaming down ur face but u were not about to lose to a pissbaby like him

he blinked 😁👍🏼

and he lost

and then he decided “you’re my best friend now ”

anyways aside iwa, he now had someone else he was going into high school with

like it’s a completely new environment but he had two people he very much liked going with him !!!

when the time came around to like apply for/join clubs, you had been so clueless

but toru stuck by you !! and he was so adamant on helping you !!

he would sit with you after school as he practiced tossing with hajime and just brainstorm with you what you liked to do

it’s what brought you two closer together

cause you realized just how many things in common you had with him

for a full week he tried to help you come up with something

for the sake of this hc let’s say u decide to join the newsletter club

you’re very wary at first but then he’s like when ur part of it you’ll visit the vbc regularly so u can take pictures/observe to write essays

the fact that toru would be there kinda set you at ease

now you’ve never seen toru play properly

he’s practiced in front of you before

plenty of times

but a proper match? or a practice one?

never

so it’s safe to say u were in awe when you got assigned to go watch a practice match against (idk pick a school)

it’s embarrassing to admit but your eyes were on him the entire time

thank god he became the captain later on else it’d be so sus

you really tried to pay attention to anybody else lmfao

it’s kinda what drew you to him more

you still didn’t really have feelings

you only realized just how passionate he is about everything

at some point you had an essay to write for your newsletter about the volleyball club

but you were having a hard time like really getting into it

so you immediately just called toru and were like “help 😃”

he came over and you asked him a bunch of questions, and he would go on deadass 20 min rants for each of them

you were just

so amazed

like how could someone have so much passion for something like this?

you realize how but that’s for later

overtime you two got closer bc of how much your work was associated with him

he’s incredible as a best friend

he’s the first one with the school’s weekly newsletter as soon as it’s out

granted it’s to read the section about him but yk, the sentiment’s there

also love, love, loves lazy days with you

he doesnt even care if the boys know that he worships the chick flicks you two watch

i feel like oikawa would be an avid anime watcher

idk why i just do

so he’d be blasting anime theme songs on a speaker as you’re in the shower and he’s in your room waiting for you and you’re both just singing w the sound of water rushing down

actually it’s not just anime songs it’s all songs

a l l songs

anyways

so you two get really close, and then he has a super important match coming up

let’s say it’s the spring interhigh one against karasuno

the one they won

idk im just choosing at random

and the night before he’s like begging you on text to wear his jersey

he’s like PLEASE NO ONE’S EVER DONE THAT FOR ME

you’re like bruh u have a cult following ?????

but eventually u say yes

ur not really sure where it’s coming from but this is oikawa he’s an unpredictable as can be

when you show up in a jersey he so conveniently left at your house once

he’s so genuinely shocked even though he was the one that asked for this???

gives you the biggest hug like spins you around and just

“you’re my lucky charm”

when he wins

after celebrating with his team

he runs over to you

and just

he kisses you

full on the mouth

it’s probably the rush and excitement of winning that gave him the courage to finally spill all his feelings out into this kiss

you’re in his jersey, in the stands and you genuinely feel like it’s only just the two of you

despite how sudden it was the kiss is so gentle, like he’d been planning it since forever

“i told you you’re my lucky charm” he says as he rests his forehead against yours and kisses you gently again

oikawa had already been affectionate as your best friend

always displaying his love outwardly with like always calling out your name so loud whenever he sees you and giving you bone crushing hugs

deadass his 6’0 self will just jump on you

but now it’s extra

makki always gags around the two of you but you just stick ur tongue out at him and go “ur just mad ur best friend’s getting some pussy/dick and ur not”

makki then proceeds to shriek at you like a fucking banshee <3

anyways

yes

oikawa best friends to lovers excellence is so cute eeeekkk

and now u always wear his jersey at games

(u couldnt make it to the game against karasuno where they lost for whatever reason and he held it against u for the longest time)

(“maybe if a certain someone were there we wouldn’t have lost”)

what a big baby you love him

kuroo tetsurō

AH SEXY CHEMISTRY NERD 👅👅👅

kuroo as ur best friend

im frothing

i feel like you’d grow close after meeting at an event or something

like you’re a friend of a friend of a friend

i see kuroo as someone who’s so suave and cool and flirty with people he doesn’t have feelings for

but put the crush factor in and he’s a mess

like his brain just stops working

so when he first met you

he thought u were so fucking hot

but that’s it

his lower body was doing all the thinking <3

so he was so flirty

and that’s essentially what your friendship is built off of

and when friends are so flirty with each other, they generally grow close and trust each other really quickly

ur not a nekoma student but ur in tokyo so you meet up often

you just

it’s so nice to be around him

you find it so easy to just be yourself around him

going out with him is super fun

and a lot of the times you guys have study dates and you literally don’t talk except during the 10 min breaks you two take

it’s just hyper focus for the two of you which is great

he really channels the best student in you what a man !

i think during your third year of high school you two got insanely close

because you were highly unsure if you were gonna leave japan or stay

so you wanted to make the most out of everything

so you’d go out with him more often

he’d stay during the weekends and you two would like bake christmas goods all night even if it’s literally september lmfao

cuddling is so natural

like you’re both so touchy with each other but not in a weird way just a super comfortable kind of way

like if you’re shorter than him, he’s always leaning his arm on you like you’re his arm rest

it’s a win win bc he gets to touch you and tease you

wow the horny really jumped out in that one

anyways

you go to every single one of his games !!

cheer him on so!! fucking!! loud!!

you probably make a provocative sign and stand a chair and just wave it around and kuroo’s so heart eyes lmfao

the climb up to becoming lovers is so

natural?

i think kuroo first realizes that maybe, yk, he wants those flirtatious comments to mean something and those random touches to hold more romantic value to them, when you two are out together

it’s a completely chill day and it’s not really warm not really chilly. you’re just comfortable

he takes you to a park after buying the both of you ice cream from the stand across the street and sits down at a bench with you

just people watching

and then it kinda goes really silent

but

it’s not awkward??? like at all???

he’s not looking to fill the silence with any random words

he’s just

enjoying simply being with you

and he glances at you momentarily and it hits him like so hard just how pretty you are

his eyes slightly widen like

holy fuck

what the f u ck

remember when i said he’s all cool until feelings come into play

yeah 😼

he literally freezes up and blurts out, without even meaning to, “i think i have feelings for you.”

he really didnt even process he said that

you kinda

pause for a second

and then you realize what you said and you just smile and lean over towards him, lifting your thumb up to the corner of his lips and brushing away some ice cream

“you think?” you tease, and then at the spot where the ice cream was misplaced, you placed a gentle kiss

he kinda relaxes and then eyes you as he says, “i know.”

it is just. heaven after that

i think the two of you would be less flirty around each other once becoming official

like yeah he definitely comments once or twice every now and then and don’t get me wrong, so do you

but it’s just less frequent

like a blanket has been lifted to uncover the true, hidden meanings behind the comments and you can now just breathe easier

you two end up in the same uni on accident hevejsk

like you had a long ass talk about how it’s okay if you didn’t end up in the same uni you’d still make it work

and it would’ve worked tbh

fate just ships you two too much

when you told each other you were literally that spiderman meme of the two spidermen pointing at each other lmao

power couple of the uni

power couple of tokyo

power couple of japan

you’re literally so happy with him you wouldn’t trade him for the world

and maybe you saw it coming

but it still remains a shock whenever you wake up and he’s there laying next to you, smiling lazily at you before reaching over to give you a gentle kiss

anyways happy early birthday king i love you kuroo hehe

end note; i really had a lotta fun w this one omg!! thank you again for requesting, anon, and i hope everybody else enjoyed!! feel free to request, mwah <3

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #oikawa x reader #oikawa toru headcanons #oikawa headcanons #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi headcanons #iwaizumi hajime x reader #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo x reader #kuroo headcanons #oikawa x you #iwaizumi x you #kuroo x you

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babybluebex · 4 years ago

Text

buggy code [bucky barnes x reader]

➽ pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader (y/n) ➽ word count: 4.1k ➽ summary: everyone on the team has nicknames, and you wonder why bucky doesn’t like the one you gave him. ➽ warnings: mentions of injuries, insecure bucky ➽ a/n: enjoy!

Everybody had a special name for the Winter Soldier. For mostly everyone, he was Bucky. It fit him; short and curt, the hard K sound in the middle demanding attention. Bucky didn’t quite care for any other name. He had lived his entire life being called Bucky and, even after waking up in a different world than the one he left, he didn’t think a name change was in order. Nobody did.

And then I came along. The nicknames started as a joke between me and Thor when I couldn’t pronounce his hammer’s name right (in my defense, the name starts with M-J-O and only gets worse from there). Jokingly, one day, I called it Mojo, and Thor laughed. I don’t think that Y/N is a particularly hard name, but Thor found a way to butcher it every single time he spoke to me. The joke bled out from Thor and me and into me and Tony, which then led to the whole team having their own name for me. Wanda called me “ducky”; Steve called me “little one”; Thor used every nickname for Y/N that he could find (which was different every day, but the theme was consistent); and Tony called me “kiddo”.

However, once the nickname precedent was set, nobody bothered to tell me about the Bucky situation. He was nice, albeit cold at times, and I had only seen him truly angry once. I had called him James. He got quiet and I saw a muscle in his jaw jump as he clenched his teeth, and he said, “Don’t ever call me that again. You hear me? Ever.” He absconded from the room quickly, leaving me and Steve alone, and my heart sank. I felt like an absolute shitbag for upsetting Bucky like that. Steve sat down next to me quietly. Steve was one of those quiet and understanding types, and he cast a glance at the door that Bucky had stormed out of.

“That was… Odd,” Steve said.

“You mean you don’t know what that was about?” I asked.

“No,” Steve said. His brow furrowed, and he mumbled, “No clue.”

“Should I apologize?” I asked.

“For what?” Steve asked, turning back to me. “You did nothing wrong.”

“I still upset him, even if I didn’t mean to,” I shrugged. “I… I dunno. I feel like I should.”

“If you want to,” Steve said. “He’ll probably get mad at you for trying to apologize.”

I scoffed. “What’s new? Bucky’s mad at everyone, all the time. I just… He never snapped at me like that before.”

“Don’t take it to heart,” Steve told me, and his icy blue eyes helped convince me.

The door to Bucky’s room was closed like always, but even the energy that came from it made me uneasy. It was quiet-- again, not abnormal-- but it frightened me. I hated saying sorry; according to some, it was one of my major character flaws. I felt sick to my stomach as I knocked on the door. Would he even answer? I felt the burning of tears in my eyes, and I pawed them away with the sleeve of my sweater just in time for the door to swing open. My breath caught in my throat once confronted by the White Wolf, and I could barely stutter out, “I… F-Fuck, I’m so sorry, Bucky.”

His jaw was tight, his eyes unwavering. I couldn’t stand when he did that. I understand where the whole “no emotion” thing came from, but it was infuriating sometimes. This wasn’t Russia. I wasn’t Hydra. Finally, Bucky took a deep breath, and his demeanor loosened up. “Don’t,” he said softly. “Don’t be… S’not your fault.”

“I still feel like an asshole,” I mumbled. “I was just joking around--”

“The way you do with Thor and Stark and all of them, I know,” Bucky interjected. “But you didn’t…” He paused to sigh, and he brushed his hair behind his ear. “You did nothing wrong, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart was new. Bucky didn’t play the nickname game like the rest of us did, as evident earlier. He called Steve brother every so often, usually whilst roughhousing after a mission, but sweetheart was something that he had never called me before. He must have seen how I bristled slightly, because he said, “Oh, so Wilson can call you sweetheart just fine, but I can’t?”

“That’s different,” I replied quickly.

“How?” Bucky countered instantly. He looked like he was only in his thirties, but he had the arguing skills of someone his own age. Fuck, he annoyed me. “How is Wilson any different from me?”

“That’s not--” I began. “Wilson always calls me that. You don’t call me… Anything.”

Bucky hummed quietly. “So, you’re telling me that, as long as I don’t call you what Wilson calls you, you’ll tolerate the nicknames?”

“That’s not what I meant, Bucky,” I said. “I meant that you never, ever had a nickname for me.”

“Maybe we should change that,” Bucky said, and his lips quirked into a smile. “We have a long night ahead of us. You should go try to get some rest… Baby.” With a cheeky wink and a smile, Bucky closed the door in my face.

Bastard.

Bucky was right. The night was long and ended with more of us limping back to the Compound than walking normally. Bucky and Steve took care of each other when they got banged up in a fight, and, as the youngest (really, second youngest to Peter, but he never normally came on smaller missions like this), Steve usually took it upon himself to take care of me too. My shoulder was killing me in a way that it never had before, and I wasn’t sure that it wasn’t dislocated in some fashion. I sat on the couch in the common area, nursing my arm and trying to ignore the pain enough to gauge if I was tired enough to attempt sleep, and I expected the sudden presence behind me to be that of the super soldier. “Hey, big guy,” I chuckled. “Can you check out my shoulder?”

A cold hand landed on my bare skin, and I jumped in shock. Vibranium was less than fun to experience when unprepared. I had identified a super soldier, yes, but the wrong one. “Looks swollen,” Bucky observed.

“No shit,” I mumbled. “You scared me; thought you were Steve.”

“Sorry,” Bucky said easily. “Yeah… I’m no medical expert, but, based on how swollen and red it is, I’d say you fucked your shoulder up pretty good.”

“Gee, really?” I said and rolled my neck to pop it. “Thanks for your input, Dr. Barnes. Can I get a second opinion?”

“Woah, hostile,” Bucky chuckled. “I’m sure Strange can fix that up for you, baby.”

I nodded in agreement, choosing to ignore the nickname. If I ignored it, it would go away… Right? Bucky noticed, though, and he said, “What? Not into that name? Okay, I’ll come up with something else.”

“Or don’t,” I shrugged absentmindedly, and I hissed in a breath as my shoulder exploded with pain. Definitely dislocated. “Fuck.”

“Oh, jeez,” Bucky mumbled, and he moved around in front of me. He lowered himself to my height where I sat, settling himself on one knee, and his warm hand landed gently on my arm. “I learned about this a long time ago… I think I remember how to put it back into the socket.”

“I’m sorry, but fuck that,” I laughed. “I’ll get Strange to do it.”

“If I mess you up even more, I give you permission to yell at me,” Bucky said. “Let me try. Yeah?”

I sighed, rolling my eyes. “Fine,” I acquiesced.

Bucky shuffled himself closer to me, putting gentle but firm hands on my upper arm. He sat there for a moment, something happening in his brain, before saying, “C’mere, you.” His hands fell down to my waist, and he carefully tugged me further to the edge of the couch to allow himself closer to me. Something bloomed in my stomach when he grabbed my waist like that, but I pushed it aside. This was neither the time nor place to get horny. He replaced his hands on my arm, and the tip of his tongue poked out of his lips as he carefully maneuvered my arm, testing its mobility. He noticed my winces of my pain, and he finally mumbled, “Alright. On three, I’m gonna tug your arm this way. There’ll be a pop and it’ll hurt, but it should be back in place. Alright?”

“Yeah,” I said. I felt like I would pass out from the pain. “Hurry it up.”

Bucky nodded, and his vibranium hand carefully squeezed my thigh. “Grab my hand if you need to,” he said. “Alright… One--”

He tugged my arm sharply away from my body, and there was a sickening pop. I cried out in a mixture of shock and pain, and then a tepid anger. “You said three, you shitbag!” I groaned. “What happened to two and three?”

“Must’ve miscounted,” Bucky said, smiling and chuckling. “Feel any better?”

I rolled my shoulder hesitantly, but found there to be virtually no pain. There was an ache, sure, and maybe a torn muscle, but the joint seemed to be back where it belonged. “Yeah,” I said. “A lot, actually. Thanks.”

“No sweat,” Bucky said. He smiled and chuckled, then added, “You said my name when you yelled.”

I tried to recall only seconds earlier, but the moment was a blur. “Did I?” I ask. That was embarrassing.

Bucky nodded. “You called out ‘James’,” he told me.

My eyes widened, and my heart jumped into my throat. “Oh, fuck,” I mumbled. “Oh, shit. Bucky, I’m really sorry.”

“No, no,” Bucky said. “It’s fine. Don’t stress. I actually don’t mind it.”

“Mind what?” I asked.

“Being called James,” Bucky said. “It’s been a while since I was called anything but Bucky or the Winter Soldier or… James’s nice. Short and sweet and… Nice.”

“Why did you…” I began, and I pressed my fingers into my palm. “Why did you get so angry when I called you that earlier?”

Bucky sighed. It was a heavy sigh, the sigh of 90 years worth of emotions threatening to be released. “I… I don’t know,” he said finally. “I really have no idea. I guess because it was different. It was like my old life. You were trying to be nice and funny, and nobody…” He swallowed thickly, and his gaze dropped from mine. “Everybody still sees me as the Winter Soldier. Like, they think I’ll break at any minute, and Bucky will be gone. Nat and Wilson and Steve can tell you all about dealing with him, if you want to know about it. But you don’t see me like that. You see me as someone kind; even before the war, I was never really the kind type. You see me as someone different than what everybody here-- everybody, period-- sees me as. You don’t see me as Bucky or Sergeant Barnes or whoever. You see me as--”

“James.” I whispered.

“I’m not used to people like you,” Bucky continued. “I… I think I was confused. And I get mad when I’m confused. I’ve always done that. I didn’t--”

“James,” I repeated, firmer and louder. I wasn’t testing the name. I was addressing him. My hand went to his face, resting gently under his jaw, and I tilted his head up to look at me. “Don’t. I understand.”

Bucky gave me a small smile, the most he could muster when he wasn’t telling a god-awful joke, but he didn’t try to remove my hand. His eyes, as blue as the sky on a clear day, were watching me. Not watching; I had seen him watch someone. There was something more in his gaze that I couldn’t quite identify, and it scared the shit out of me. It was friendly, I could sense that, and I had a suspicion on what it was, but I didn’t want to know for sure. Eventually, I took a deep breath, and I took my hand off of his face. “You should get some sleep,” I told him. “You need it.”

“Right,” Bucky nodded. “You do too. Come get me if that shoulder starts bothering you; I’ll see what I can do.”

“Sure,” I agreed. “‘Night, James.”

There was a silence before the super soldier responded to me. “‘Night, bug.”

“Bug?” I scoffed.

Bucky shrugged. “Just trying something out.”

I nodded and kept my place on the couch as Bucky worked himself to his feet, and he left the room quietly. I watched him leave and I pressed my palms into my knees before I started to stand. However, my endeavor was interrupted by Steve hitting his knuckles against the doorframe. He certainly had heard our conversation. His arms were crossed and he was giving me a strange look, and I huffed in frustration. “What do you want, Rogers?”

“Buck had a girlfriend he left behind when we went to war,” Steve began. “Always talked about wanting to marry her when he got back.”

“And?”

Steve smiled. “She used to call him James. Never Bucky; James. I’m sure that’s why he got mad.”

“Oh,” I mumbled lowley. “I had no idea.”

“I didn’t either, until recently,” Steve said. “But guess what? He called her ‘ladybug’. ‘Bug’ for short.”

As much as I hated to admit it, I needed help. I tossed and turned in bed for hours, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in that didn’t aggravate my shoulder too much, but, just as I was always about to drift to sleep, a spasm of pain woke me up. I had taken painkillers hours before and I was tempted to take more-- the kind that brought sleep this time-- but I remembered what Bucky had told me. Come get him if I needed help. I truly didn’t want to take him up on that offer, but I was sure that he was awake. I probably wouldn’t be bothering him. I hoped not.

I zipped up my hoodie as I carefully maneuvered through the Compound, trying to move quietly. Years of training under Nat’s tutelage had taught me how to be as silent as a ghost, but I was always worried that I would fuck up somehow. We were safe, though, and I had no reason to be on high alert. Finally, I wound up in front of Bucky’s door, and I saw the door cracked open. Bucky was the sort of guy that valued privacy, and he always had his door closed unless he wasn’t in the room.

“Oh.” A voice rumbled from behind me, and I turned to see Bucky. His hair was rumpled, his eyes tired and hooded. He wore sweatpants and a thin white shirt, the bulge of his dog tags visible under the collar. I heard the soft whirring of his arm in the silence of the hall, and he added, “There you are. You weren’t in your room.”

“Were you looking for me?” I asked.

“I was going to see how your shoulder was,” Bucky explained. “It’s been bothering me all night.”

“Been bothering you?” I repeated and stifled a laugh. “It’s been hell for me. I can’t sleep at all.”

“You took meds?” Bucky asked, and I nodded. He moved closer to me, and he added, “Drank some water? You might be dehydrated.”

“I’m fine, James,” I mumbled. “I just figured that you would be up too. My head’s still buzzing from tonight. Even without the shoulder, I don’t think I could sleep.”

I didn’t even realize that I had called him James. It felt natural now. “Well, I am awake,” Bucky chuckled. “I’m not gonna sleep tonight either. We’re about an hour from sunrise anyway; that’s sorta a foregone thing now, huh?”

I nodded. Bucky’s eyes canvased me, sticking to my shoulder and arm, and he mumbled, “Your one arm’s limp. Is it just your shoulder or your whole arm now?”

I looked at my arm, hanging at my side as my other was in my pocket. I could feel the shooting pain every time I moved it, but, when it was still, it was a dull throb of sorts. I relayed this to Bucky, and the wrinkles in his forehead grew deeper as he listened. He wordlessly took my uninjured arm in his warm grip and tugged me into his room. A single lamp was on, the curtains drawn and the bed made impeccably, as if he had never even touched it. I’m sure the tidiness was a result of his military training; Steve and Wilson were the same way. “I read something,” Bucky began. “About skin-to-skin contact. How it helps relieve pain and improve heart and lung function.”

I scoffed as I sat on the corner of his bed. “Yeah, for newborn babies,” I told him.

Bucky sighed jokingly. “Do you want my help or not, bug?”

Bug. Ladybug. “I didn’t really come for help,” I said. “Just company.”

“Just company,” Bucky repeated under his breath as he sat down next to me. “I can do that.”

“Can you?” I asked with a smirk. “Are you sure?”

“I’m not totally inept, Y/N,” Bucky said. “I can make conversation.”

“I know,” I sighed lightly. “Just teasing you.”

“You tease me so much that one would think that you don’t actually like me,” Bucky said.

I rolled my eyes. “Of course I like you,” I said. “Sometimes, I don’t think you like me.”

“Yeah, don’t take it personal,” Bucky said softly. “I sorta turn a lot of people off. The whole murderous, brainwashed soldier thing tends to do that.”

“That’s a shame,” I said. “You’re actually a pretty cool person.”

“Even when I’m killing people?” Bucky asked with a chuckle.

“Especially then,” I said, playfully pushing his shoulder. “Not too many girls are into that, but I’m in the same business, so I like it.”

“Into it?” Bucky repeated with a smile. “Like… In what way?”

“I think it’s cool,” I said. I knew what he was pushing for, and I guess that I was giving off that impression, coming into his room in the early morning for “company”. I had meant it in earnest, but, now that I thought about it, it certainly sounded like I had come to fuck him. “Not the whole… Being tortured, but… I admire that you’ve turned this into something that can help people.”

“That’s why I’m here,” Bucky said. “To help people…”

I saw his humor deflating. There was more he wanted to say, far more. If I knew Bucky, though, he was fit to clam up, and the conversation was about over. “You are helping people, Buck,” I offered. “Keeping them safe, protecting them…”

“Protection can only get you so far,” Bucky said, standing up and rolling his neck. “Y/N, when you’re like me, you’re never sure if you’re really helping. People tell me that I am, but I’ll never be certain. It’s a fucking curse, one that I haven’t turned it into anything good.” He swallowed thickly, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.

“Well,” I began softly, standing up. I joined Bucky at the window and carefully took his hand, and I examined the metallic knuckles and the different slants of vibranium that made up each finger. I thought he would pull his hand away, tell me to stop, but his hand only whirred quietly and closed around mine. “Let me be the one to tell you that you are helping people. Like tonight, not only did you take down all of those goons, but you helped me.”

“What help did I do?” Bucky scoffed.

“I mean, it’s not fully healed, but you made my shoulder better,” I said. “Bucky--” I reached up for his face and pressed my hand to his rough cheek, and I forced his head down. His steel-blue eyes met mine, and I took a deep breath. “You are good. You are a good man and I will do whatever you need me to in order for you to believe that.”

Bucky was quiet for a few long moments, then he finally whispered, “You don’t need to do anything.”

“So you believe me?” I asked.

“I didn’t say that,” Bucky whispered. “You don’t want to help me.”

“Why not?” I huffed, dropping my hand. “Do you think you’re too far gone?”

“I don’t think it,” Bucky said. “I know it.”

“James,” I said, my emotions biting through my words. My eyes stung and my throat was tight, and I knew that I was seconds away from crying. “You are not too far gone. You know how I know?” I surged closer to him and put my hand flat on his chest to feel his heartbeat, and I said, “You’re alive. As long as you’re alive, you can get better. Stop being stubborn--”

“I’m stubborn?” Bucky laughed. “You’re so convinced that you can fix me that you won’t take no for an answer.”

“I don’t want to fix you,” I said quickly. “I want you to know that-- Fuck. Look at me, you prick.” Bucky fixed his eyes on my face, and I put my palms on his cheeks. He couldn’t look away. “James Buchanan Barnes, you are a good man. You help people. You are magnificent. I know it, everyone here knows it, and I will not rest until you see yourself the way I see you.”

The air between us was tense, and Bucky lifted a hand up to his face. He enveloped my small hand with his, his warm fingers carefully brushing mine, almost like he couldn’t believe that someone was holding his face so tenderly. He lowered his eyes, then lifted them back up to meet me, and he dropped his hands.

With that, his entire body language changed. The wrinkles in his forehead disappeared, his shoulders fell, and he let out a heavy breath. His bottom lip fell open as he looked at me, and I whispered, “Do you feel better?”

He nodded slowly, a lock of dark hair falling into his eyes. “I like the way you say my name,” he told me. I gently pushed the hair from his face to behind his ear, and he swallowed thickly. “Say it again. Please?”

“James,” I said softly. “Buchanan. Barnes.” I took a deep breath, and I quietly laughed, “Bucky Barnes. You are the greatest man I’ve ever met.”

Bucky put his hands on my waist and pulled me flush against my body, and he hugged me tightly. His mouth buried into my shoulder, and he held me for what felt like hours. He needed it. My tears finally fell, and I sniffled as I wrapped my arms around his muscled body in order to squeeze him tightly. “Are you crying?” Bucky whispered, his lips hitting my shoulder as he spoke.

“I just…” I began. “I love you, James.”

I didn’t know what to expect when I finally confessed to Bucky what I had tried to deny, but he stayed still. He barely had a reaction, unless you count a sigh as a reaction. Finally, just as I thought my anxiety would burn a hole through my stomach, his hands fell down my body, skating just above my hips and down to the backs of my thighs. With the strength of a thousand men, he pulled me up into him, wrapping my legs around his waist, and he pulled his face out of my shoulder to let me see his pink cheeks and radiant eyes. He said nothing as his lips pressed against mine, and I instantly kissed back. My Bucky, my soldier, my love, my James. The world felt right.

“I love you too,” Bucky whispered. “Y/N.”

“Did you really…” I started. “Do you call me ‘bug’ because… Because of ladybug?”

Bucky tilted his head as a soft smile came over his pink lips. “Did Steve tell you that?” He asked. I nodded, and he gave a little laugh that rumbled in his broad chest. He carried me to the bed and set me down carefully, and he laid down next to me. My head easily laid on his chest and his strong arm went around my body, holding me close to him. There wasn’t even an inch of space between us, but I loved it. “Yes and no. I got the idea from that, but it means something different. That girl back then, her name was Dot, so ladybug made sense… But you’re a different kind of bug. You’re a bug in the sense that you’re not supposed to be here.” He carefully tapped his forehead, and he closed his eyes as my finger replaced his. “You’re a bug in my code. I didn’t want to fall in love after everything I’ve done, but… Fuck, you managed to get in there.”

“Glad I did,” I whispered, placing a kiss on his forehead. “My James.”

“I’m glad you did too,” Bucky whispered. “My little bug.”

#bucky barnes #sebastian stan #marvel #avengers #mcu #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #sebastian stan angst #sebastian stan fluff

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mewtonian-physics · 3 years ago

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Raiden Expert certification-giver (jqjdjjwjd) here! Ur so right bestie, n just the way he interacts with younger characters is just SO markedly different than what Ive seen in the series so far and honestly. He Does deserve to go ape shitt in mgs2 but he is too nice 😔 (and absolutely player-actions in mgs games arent a bearing on their character) 1/2

anon i hope you realize how happy this makes me. and YES. literally the whole 'we're the same' thing is such bullshit like one of them is a hyper-privileged powerful nationalist social darwinist bastard who doesn't give a shit about the weak and the other is a heavily traumatized socially and systematically ostracized deeply caring man whose entire goal is to protect the weak. They are not the same. not to borrow from a vocaloid song but this is literally just the entire way i feel when armstrong says that

they're nothing alike. it's ridiculous. raiden would NEVER follow in his footsteps--just because he has that one line in the ending doesn't mean he's suddenly become an armstrong devotee or something. this has been a theme throughout all the games he's in, the idea of fighting for causes you don't believe in or understand--it's a subset of the free will themes, i mean that's what happened to him as a kid and it's what's been happening to him ever since, always being forced to fight other people's wars. revengeance is him fighting for a cause he believes in, and that cause is absolutely antithetical to armstrong's belief system. people who think otherwise evidently missed the entire point.

and yes his identity thing IS part of the character study but also as i don't know when that will be out i'm happy to talk about it now too (plus after the amount of smiles i've gotten out of interacting with you. you've earned the info)

okay so the thing about raiden is that as i said before a lot of people characterize him as having DID or something along those lines but i highly disagree. i mean for one that's a bullshit hollywood 'mentally ill people are SO SCARY AND DANGEROUS' stereotype and for another thing it just doesn't fit with any of what we've seen. he does, however, absolutely have at least one dissociative disorder, and his identity is heavily fragmented. the thing is it isn't separated into fully distinct identities--it's all still him. you know how people have different 'facets' of themselves for different situations? you behave one way at home, a different way at school, another with your friends--things like that. i think raiden's deal is that, due to the amount of trauma he's been through, the various facets of his identity are far more separated than the average individual's. however, they are all still him. there are no separate identities, just different parts of an unintegrated yet singular identity. point is, even raiden doesn't deny that it's all him. he refers to 'the ripper' as a separate part of himself, but never as a completely distinct entity. so here's my analysis on what the real deal is with raiden's identity issues. (this may not all make sense; i put it best in narrative form, but i'll try to make sure it at least sounds somewhat coherent. bear with me.)

i have identified four 'facets' and there's frequent overlap but they are as follows: jack (child), jack (man desperately trying to live a normal life), raiden (basically the soldier/weapon dichotomy personified), and, of course, jack (the ripper). which is where it all started.

i mean, it only makes sense. if you toss a little kid into a war zone and make him kill people, he's going to try to detach himself from that, because it's fucking horrifying. so we end up with the part of him that doesn't want to do any of this repressed because he doesn't have a choice. all the brainwashing and manipulation have forcefully created this new persona, and that's the only part of him that can cope with anything that's happening. so jack, the little kid who's scared and alone, is forcibly pushed aside, repressed so he isn't being constantly tormented by the things solidus is making him do.

then after the war's over, when he starts really realizing how fucked up all of that was, he starts to feel that self-loathing and fear. becomes horrified with himself. he has to start from scratch--has to be someone 'normal.' (this is the term i use because i believe this is how he thinks of it. do not take it to mean anything else.) so this time, the part of him created to deal with the horrors of war is what's shoved aside in favor of a new persona, a jack who can fit in with everyone else, who can view himself as a person instead of a monster. i think the memories of the war went along with it--a clean slate, basically. a version of himself he doesn't completely despise.

and that's what we get for a while until he winds up fighting again, at which point we get the 'soldier' persona. willing to fight, but not ENJOYING it. he doesn't clearly remember his past at this point, but he still pushes away all his emotions ('my personal feelings have no place in a mission'). although he isn't called raiden yet, this is what i consider the 'raiden' facet--the quintessential 'good soldier'... and to the patriots, a perfect weapon.

and then mgs2 happens and shit gets fucked. suddenly he knows. suddenly he's understanding the nightmares, the terrifying intrusive thoughts, all of the things that he's been fighting so hard to suppress all this time--with the 'perfect soldier' behavior, detached yet still fully capable, with the 'normal' man he tries to be. so many of the walls he's built to contain 'the ripper' crumble, and now he can see it. the part of himself he's been running from for so long, the part that's still trapped in the war, the part solidus forced into being. the part of himself he hates most and is most afraid of, because it's the part of himself that wants to fight. that loves it. everything he tries so hard to not be.

so now he's aware and actively working to suppress the unwanted sides of himself again, which is obviously just not good for his mental health... and he spirals.

then in revengeance he just... stops trying. monsoon and sam push him to the breaking point and he reaches the conclusion that 'the ripper' is who he is. is the real part of him, when the truth is that every part is real. the point is, he stops fighting it. he embraces it, all the terrifying emotions and urges he's been suppressing for over two decades now. his identity is still fragmented, but he's not trying to hold any of it back anymore. (which i think is a good thing.)

now i'll back my claims up with some examples. different games more clearly showcase different facets--mgs2 mostly displays the 'normal' and 'soldier' personas, with a little bit of the child mixed in there too. mgs4 is a mix of the soldier and the child, although the former takes up the majority of the time. and revengeance, of course, is a fairly even mix of the 'soldier' and 'ripper' facets. like i said, examples.

mgs2. i think this one is pretty obvious. he's in a mix of modes for most of the game, although 'normal' tends to be more obvious. he hasn't yet undergone the horrific dehumanization in his future, after all. he's still largely thinking of himself as a human being, not a weapon. the child side isn't super evident, but some examples of where i think it shines through are lines like 'i feel like some kind of legendary mercenary' and of course, the infamous 'we've managed to avoid drowning!' like i've said before, he didn't get the chance to mentally and emotionally develop the same way as the average individual, and i think sometimes that can be seen in this game, largely in the moments where he seems somewhat unreasonably proud of himself. i mean, come on. 'i feel like some kind of legendary mercenary' is adorable. he's just having a good time! and let's face it, the nerd-node exchange and the little 'oh.' at the end of it--he sounds so disappointed. i love his little moments like that. it's a nice experience before the hell on earth that is the next game.

because mgs4 really is hell on earth in terms of what we see of raiden's personality. after all the dehumanization and horror he's experienced, he's cast aside the 'normal' facet entirely. 'i am raiden. jack is no more.' to him, that part of himself is dead. in his mind, all that's left is the perfect soldier and weapon that's been demanded of him for so long. and that one is painfully obvious--look at the way he treats himself, like he's purely disposable. part of this is because of the other mental health issues he's dealing with at the time, but the dehumanizing tactics of the patriots definitely got to him.

the child jack also shows up a fair bit in this game, but the appearances are very different. one key example is the scene on the nomad before shadow moses island--i see a lot of people calling that pathetic, but honestly, it's nothing of the sort. once snake denies him what he sees as his purpose, he panics, and what i see there is the echoes of the past more than anything else. a terrified little kid, clinging to snake's leg as if that can keep him from leaving, begging not to be left alone. it breaks my heart. another moment i see it is in the sudden shift from being ready and willing to die at the end of the game to pure terror. in revengeance, being hurt the way he is in that scene provoked 'the ripper', but that's not an option at this point, and what we get instead is a 180 degree turn from quiet confidence and lack of care for his own life to nothing but pain and fear. these kinds of shifts are so abrupt and so unusual for him as we've seen him so far that it draws my attention--it wasn't until mgs4 that this theory started forming, just because of these scenes.

aaaaaaaaaand revengeance just cemented it. i don't think i really have to explain my thoughts on this one. it's pretty obvious.

and i really really hope that all of that made sense and didn't just make me sound completely insane. i've explained this theory to people before and it's been pretty well received but every time i try to explain it a new time i worry again that i'm not making any sense. i've thought a LOT about this and it gets tricky to sort through the blur of ideas sometimes. so uhhhh if i'm not making sense then feel free to shoot me an ask and i'll try to clarify lol. ty for asking :) love 2 talk about my work (amateur psychoanalysis of a fictional character... we all have our hobbies)

#ask #anon #i think i may call you #certificate anon #or something like that #let me know if you have other thoughts

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bri-notthecheese · 3 years ago

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my thoughts on Iki Island:

(spoilers under the cut)

I really loved this DLC! I had nothing but high hopes for this after playing the base game last year (and three more times after that), and Sucker Punch didn’t disappoint. The whole time playing it I felt like it was only adding to my love of the characters and the stories they set up in the base game, and then all the new quests and mechanics added a lot of fresh fun on top of that!

So where to even begin.

The opening scene was super cool and a neat way to introduce the new shaman enemies. And despite Yuna only actually being in one scene, it was a delight to see her again. Though since I’m playing the DLC after finishing everything, I don't love the continuity of Yuna not accompanying him, but gameplay wise I knew that wasn’t going to happen anyway, but I just love when she’s with us <3

Went for my horse straight away and I was THRILLED to see that Kaze can now kill enemies and the new charge mechanic was way more fun than I was expecting and I was having too much fun with that. After Nobu, I didn’t expect to get attached the Kaze all that much (even if he continued on into a later game) but I was quickly proved wrong with this because I now kind of separate Nobu as the more gentler of the two, that was always there for me, and while Kaze is too, I like imagining Kaze is a lot younger and his aggressive personality in this really sold that and I like that it probably eases Jin’s worries a bit to see his new horse being able to fend off attacks a bit better. Plus, with his new armor, he’s even safer <3 Really fell more in love with Kaze in this, which I didn’t expect.

Met The Eagle next and had that whole encounter. I love how right away if you pay attention, you know Yuna isn’t Yuna because she’s never once addressed Jin as ‘my lord.’ I think the only time she said it was when she was talking to both him and Shimura at the lighthouse, and it wasn’t because she wanted to. But still, even knowing something was wrong, it’s cute that Jin’s mind went to her as a safe place who he’d have no problem entrusting stories and secrets to, which was obviously the Eagle’s goal. And hearing her voice warp into the Eagle’s was creepyyyy and so good <3 (my Yuna loving ass was sad to realize that was most likely the last time we’d see her, but that’s okay) That next part of the hallucination really got you feeling for Jin, and I couldn’t help but be frustrated that he’s only a child, how was he supposed to help?!?!?

So I ignored Tenzo’s next mission and explored and pretty much completed the entire island. I got jump scared WAY too many times by her taunts, but I loved how that just added to the direness of the situation. I was obsessed with finding all the hallucinations and it just kept breaking my heart how Jin has all of this pent up guilt/heartache--with Ryuzo (he had so many I found), his father, his uncle, the Khan, Nobu :(, Masako, etc. I honestly had expected to find one regarding Taka and I’m a bit sad that I didn’t. Add those to the memories of his father and the ever-present taunting, I was going through it with Jin <3 At least you can pet the animals for him <3 The little smile he’d get every time was worth it. And the flute playing mechanic was really neat!

The first memory I got was their chat before Kazumasa’s death and honestly that got me all teary because Jin wanted so badly to hear him say he accepted him as his son, but deep down, would he have felt it? And my heart just breaks so much for Jin because as I kept going through the memories, I kept thinking how well 1) his dad sucks, but 2) both father figures kept wanting Jin to be somebody else. And it hurts that he was closer to Shimura’s way of thinking and how we even see that one time that Shimura corrects Jin, that his recitation of what honor means were his father’s words, and gets Jin to say that kindness is what honor means to him and wow. <3 <3 <3 But it hurts knowing their fate too <3 That while Shimura was more of a father to Jin than Kazumasa was, eventually, he couldn’t accept what Jin was doing in their way. Though it does hurt and make you wonder if Shimura was frightened that Jin was turning into his dad...I had that thought many times. (I loved seeing Adachi so much though omg <3 <3 <3) It was very interesting how the song Jin ends up playing for his father at the end of the memories is the ‘Jin Sakai’ theme. And then how that in turn, morphs into ‘The Way of the Ghost’ later on when in the final battle.

It hurts that Jin had Chiyoko in his life for such a short time. I’m glad he did have Yuriko at least, but all of Jin’s memories on his mother and how she emphasized just living was so prominent, and her love of animals clearly passed to him and that gentleness too. And of instruments. Such softness, and I love that he retains that even as an adult. It makes sense that he doesn’t speak of his mother as often since he has far less experiences with her vs Kazumasa or Shimura, but it was nice to see her influence within him.

Did this quest near the end of my exploration but I got the BIGGEST smile on my fave when I barged in the house to find the Ghost of Iki Island was Kenji <3 <3 <3 I love this dumbass so much and it was so nice to see a familiar face <3 Plus it let Jin have an actual full laugh when Kenji referred to them both as ‘tough guys’ XD His quests are always enjoyable for me and so I really loved that (though I was also Jin when he’s like “...you didn’t say goodbye.”) but I was happy to see him do the right thing at the end <3 THEN I got to duel the Viper because I diffused the situation instead and that was fun. Love that Jin explains his knowledge of negotiation was learned from all the years with Shimura <3 Also enjoyed spotting Kenji later in the Refuge XD

Really enjoyed all the side quests overall, loved all the animal sanctuaries, and the archery was a TON of fun! Getting the horse armor was neat, seeing Jin actively stop a Mythic retelling, though I was surprised there was no duel for that one. The one for the monkey armor was so creepy, following the lights in the cave, but so damn cinematic and that fight was incredible plus that amor is my new best friend. Seriously omg, the duels in this DLC felt so much beefier than the base game (I was playing on hard so that could be a reason, but the fights didn’t feel this tanky in the base) But that armor just made them a piece of cake if you’re good at perfect parries and perfect dodges <3 <3

Loved the banter and camaraderie between Jin and Tenzo throughout. And I really enjoyed Fune’s character as well! Did the next few story missions and I couldn’t help that sense of foreboding slipping in as I was getting more attached to these characters. Love that they had Kidafure Battlefield on the map but it isn’t till the mission that they tack on the ‘Village’, really hitting home what happened there.

Maybe I should have been, but I did not see the twist with Tenzo coming at ALL! I physically gasped when he spoke the “May your death benefit all things” to that random Mongol and I was soooo tense, like Jin listen I know he was your dad but also Tenzo spared you. Which I love in the long run how he spared the Butcher’s child only to save him later in life, and Jin could save him and the island in return <3 Because ohhhhhh boy did I get emotional when Jin stopped the Eagle from landing that blow.

But before that, HER FIGHT IS SO FUCKING COOOOOL!!!!!! SHE IS SO DAMN FAST AND SHE EASILY WIPED THE FLOOR WITH ME THE FIRST TWO TIMES. I also love her references to Khotan and that her moveset with the spear shares some similarities with him. I tried once more in my Ghost armor (for fashion) and then I switched to the Sarugami armor and was flying through just to have that whole cutscene.

I know culture is different and obviously I can never understand that mindset, but to hear him say to Jin that they both should have died there broke my heart. What kind of a father wants his son’s death with him like that?!?!?!?! But I LOOOOOOVED ‘Honor and Ash’ playing in the background for that scene, as Jin is rejecting what his father may have thought/wanted (just like he did to Shimura with that track at the end of Act 2) and then it moved up a key just to reinforce that Jin is forgiving himself for this and letting go and again, forging his own path just as he did with his uncle. I loved that they used that piece for that pivotal moment...

...JUST TO KICK IT INTO AN EVEN HIGHER GEAR WITH JIN SAVING TENZO AND THE GHOST THEME BLARING IN WITH A KEY CHANGE TO THEN TRIUMPHANTLY FINISH OFF THE EAGLE!!!!! I WAS SO HYPED (and also hoping I wouldn’t die cuz how anti climactic would that have been?!?) but I didn’t and I really enjoyed the resolution between those two. I bowed to him after he bowed to me and I love that they even added dialogue for that if players do decide to do that <3 <3 <3

The next quest with Fune was sweet, though it felt a little odd to do after defeating the Eagle, but it was sweet nonetheless. I have to finish up some trophy stuff, I guess there’s unseen quests that I’m sure I’ve done a few of, but I have to figure out what I missed. The dueling ring was fun, though that lady was the most difficult for me.

A few things of note:

-I like that in this DLC, you really can’t tell if it’s better to kill or spare Shimura. And how there are lines that could mean slightly different things to Jin depending on what he’s done. I’ve done both and I was on a file where he spared him, but besides a hallucination mentioning the Ghost being hunted for the rest of his days, nothing else pointed to one choice or the other.

-Though a line Jin said to Sugi threw me a bit when he said something along the lines of ‘you’ll never understand how hard it is to kill your family’ and maybe he was referencing his guilt for his father, but I’m like ?????? who else did you kill Jin??? Shimura is fine in this play through XD

-Talking with her though, I like that Jin described himself as ‘someone who knows what it’s like to be hunted’ :((((((

-Tenzo also made reference to a friend of his being beheaded, but not finding the head till a week later, and asking Jin if he understands that and while the situation is different, I bet Jin’s mind went to Taka :(

-Loved the subtle storytelling elements with Jin falling into his nightmares during the fight through the Gorge and his resolve disappears each time. The second time it happened, I verbally went “oh my resolve.....oh.”

-I do think Sucker Punch made a lil mistake though because I started thinking about how in Tale 8 of Masako’s quests, I’m almost certain she mentions Jin not understanding her need for revenge or something along those lines, and she talks about Shimura hunting down Kazamasu’s killer for weeks and how Jin had his closure. But uhhhhhh obviously his killer was never found? Or they killed the wrong one? And they didn’t mention it was on Iki Island and obviously didn’t have that foresight that they’d be doing this DLC since he was killed in the snow in the base game and now it was under a wisteria tree, but besides that small thing, I had no complaints! except for always wanting more Yuna

It was so great and I felt it really complemented the base game, especially in regards to everything that Jin feels guilty and responsible for, but also puts his relationship with Shimura is so many new lights that I loooove and I need to talk about more!!! If you read this far, feel free to hmu to chat about it because my best friend who played the base game at the same time I did and screamed with me about it has not played this yet and ahhhhh!!!!!!

#ghost of tsushima #iki island #iki island spoilers #my thoughts #enjoy my ramblings before i sleep

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sunlightwoo · 4 years ago

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Going High

☀︎ pairing: sunwoo x reader

☀︎ genre: summer fling au, fluff, some angst, theme is kinda like the one that got away type of thing?

☀︎ wc: 1.7k

☀︎ plot: summer flings are meant to be flings, nothing more than what it should’ve been known for. however you somehow found yourself reminiscing all those times that you have encountered the red headed boy that always took your breath away at the beach house you find yourself going to whenever you wanted a breather from the hard life you endured.

☀︎ a/n: before i say anything else and forget, there is a section between the breaks that is all italicized and in quotes!! that’s just a long dialogue of sunwoo’s pov of their relationship from the cassette tape. secondly: i hope that you guys liked this piece even though i feel as though it wasn’t my best HOGSJNGshuo it was really fun writing this though and would like to thank @atbzkingdom for hosting the lovely collab with the other amazing writers in it!! be sure to check out everyone’s works as well in the link to the collab masterlist!!

collab masterlist | my tbz masterlist

The smell of the salty beach air fills your nose as the sun is slowly setting in the scenery in front of your eyes, your own body slightly leaning against the railing that was underneath your arms on the balcony at your beach house. You think that this might be the one place that you could call your comfort space.

Memories of being in the exact spot over the years come to mind as you reminisced all of them, wondering how long it has been since you had last been here. Was it a year? Maybe three?

You decide to head back into your room when you notice something sticking out from the floorboard that you didn’t notice earlier. Walking over towards it, you looked to see that there was a box that was visibly hidden underneath the floorboard, making you lean down to take it out from the loose wood and bring it out to your lap.

Opening it up while sitting on the floor, you noticed the various polaroids and notes that were in there along with a cassette tape that was taped against the box. You looked at it in confusion, not knowing where it had originated from or what it could’ve contained but you assumed it had once belonged to you in the past.

Getting up to play it on the cassette player that was on your desk, you carefully inserted it and plugged in your headphones before pressing play, waiting for whatever audio to appear as you flipped through the familiar polaroids. Brinks of red paint your eyes as you wonder who the red headed male in the photos with you were, your mind looking for the answers that you had needed when suddenly a deep voice interrupts you from your thoughts.

“Hey sweetheart, did you miss me?”

Your eyes widened as it finally clicked in your head who it was, hearing the evident smirk in his voice mirroring the one that you were staring at in one of the polaroids. Kim Sunwoo, better known to be your first love, as you can recall clearly from your past memories. He was the one person that happened to be your escapist from the real world after the many times you sought out this house as your getaway from your family and school.

“By the time that you’re listening to this, it must’ve been a while then since I never told you about this tape.”

He was right.

The last time that you saw him was back in 2017, which was roughly four years from how much you could remember. That was your last year of college, and you could remember all of the days that you had spent with him, endless mornings and starry nights that you stayed up for and got away from the reality that you had faced when you left him.

You wonder if he was doing well without you, knowing that you were the one that left him first.

“I don’t think I’m doing okay without you, sweetheart,” His voice vibrates from a pitied chuckle that left his chest as you could feel your heart clench in your chest at how sad his smile must’ve been while recording this.

“You were asking a lot when you told me to wait for you when you’ve finally answered my question from that night. Do you still remember it?”

“Of course I do,” You say out loud as if he were with you right now to hear your response, and you were brought back to the last memories of him that year before you left him once again.

“I hated myself for it because of how much I had hurt you, Sunwoo.”

“I remember the first time that we had met at the beach house. You thought that I was an intruder, when I had only come over to welcome you into the area knowing that the previous owners of it happened to be your distant family members.

There were tales that they used to tell me before you had arrived, different praises and stories that made you seem as though you were a cold person that only kept their nose into a book for fun. However, I think it was that first night where you had proven me wrong by being the complete opposite of what I had assumed of you.

And I think that’s when I might’ve fallen in love with you.

From all the nights that we spent stargazing, to all the times we messed around in the early mornings of sunrise by slashing water at the shorelines, to the campfires with the boys that we’d whisper our secrets to… I think I knew that I had fallen in love with you that night when we kissed under the moonlight of a full moon… until you had asked me about playing a game.

The long game, sweetheart… I think that was one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard from your mouth, considering you were, ya know, the smarter one. You knew that I loved you in that moment, and I think that was the reason why you pushed me away from getting even closer to you by wanting to keep in touch with you after you leave this time around.

Was it something that I shouldn’t have done?

You haven’t been here in over a year now, and I miss you, sweetheart. Maybe I should’ve just let you go and keep whatever we had a summer fling, but I can’t help but wonder if you ever felt the same sparks that I felt every time we came close with one another.

That’s my question to you, in which I just want to know the simple answer to.

I don’t care how long it may take to get your answer, whether it be months after hearing this, or a couple years. Hell you can be married already, and I’d rather just let it be told that it was just me that had felt all the highs and the warm feelings of being free whenever we were together.

You already know where to find me, Y/N… and I’ll be waiting there whenever you figure it out on your own terms.

The moment that you hear the sound of a click of the cassette player finally stopping, you realized that your cheeks were wet as you moved your hand back up to wipe the tears away from your face. You couldn’t tell when you started to cry, but you sat in your chair while staring at the sunset that was setting outside of your balcony, thinking about the available choices that you were given in the moment that you were in.

For one part of your heart, there was the fear of him just being a fling that scared you; the fact that he was the one person that you had always relied on every summer when you came to get relief and happened to be available at the time. However, you also pondered about how much love you had felt with him, knowing that you had never been able to find someone like him in the reality of your world that had loved you the way that he did, made you feel as though you were high on cloud nine the way that he had.

Getting up from your chair almost abruptly, you grabbed your phone and made your way out to the familiar cliffs that weren’t too far away from the beach house. The entire time that you had speed walked over to them had been filled with nervous thoughts and many ways to come up with the right words to say if he were to be there.

You weren’t even sure if he was still going to be there in the first place, cause you felt as though you had waited for too long in order to find the answer to the question.

You make it to the cliffs and get a better view of the sunset that was behind the horizons of the ocean, eyes darting across the waters when footsteps are made from behind you. Your heart is pounding in your chest as you hoped that maybe you weren’t just hearing things; if the person that was close was actually him, you weren’t sure what to say to him because of the lump that was caught in your throat.

“It took you long enough to find your answer.” You hear the person say and turn around slowly to see him once again, this time a coat of black painting his hair as it was no longer the bright red you were used to.

There’s a breath that escapes from your lips as you stare at him in a feeling that was similar to relief with the way that he stood in front of you with his hands in his jean pockets. Clad in a simple white tee like you remember seeing before in your polaroids, the small smirk that was so familiar to your heart and eyes was still painted across his lips as he raises an eyebrow at your somewhat disheveled figure.

“Am I too late?” You whisper, watching as he walks over towards you with an amused look and takes your hands into his before placing a chaste kiss on them and then on your lips slightly, making you relish in the memories of you kissing him all those years ago.

He pulls away slightly, eyes bored right into yours as the loud pounding in your chest was evident from how fast your heart was beating, and you had a feeling that he was able to feel it too. However, you were somewhat elated that he was here in front of you again, ready to hear your answer after years of waiting and you wonder if he’d still keep those same feelings just as you did for him.

“Not one second later,” He grins as he held a pinky up in front of you both with a teasing grin on his face just seconds before looping it with your own, “Are we finally done playing the long game?”

“Yeah… We’re finished playing, and my answer is that I love you too.”

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brawltogethernow · 4 years ago

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So, I don't think I've ever asked you this... what IS the whole point of the Spider-Sense? It really seems like something that only exists for writers to ignore or work around when they want to inject Legit Tension into a story.

I’ve thought about this power so much, but never with an eye to defend its right to exist, so I needed to think about this. The results could be more concise.

Ironically, given the question, I have to say its main purpose is to ramp up tension. But it’s also a highly variable multitool that a skilled creative team can use for...pretty much anything. It does everything the writer wants it to, while for its wielder always falls just short of doing enough.

I went looking through my photos for a really generic, classic-looking example to use as an image to head this topic, but then I ran into the time Peter absolutely did not reimburse this man for his stolen McDonald’s, so have that instead.

A Scare Chord, But You Can Draw It

That one post that says the spider-sense is just super-anxiety isn’t, like, wrong. It’s a very anxious, dramatic storytelling tool originally designed for a very anxious, dramatic protagonist. I find it speaks to the overall tone of the franchise that some characters are functionally psychics, but with a psychic ability that only points out problems.

Spidey sense pinging? There’s danger, be stressed! Broken? Now the lead won’t even KNOW when there’s a problem, scary! Single character is immune to it? That’s an invisible knife in the dark oh my god what the fuck what the fU--

Like its counterpart in garden variety anxiety, the only time the spider-sense reduces tension is in the middle of a crisis. But in the wish fulfillmenty way that you want in an adventure story to justify exaggerated action sequences, the same way enhanced strength or durability does. Also like those, it would theoretically make someone much safer to have it, but it exists in the story to let your character navigate into and weather more dangerous situations.

For its basic role in a story, a danger sense is a snappy way to rile up both the reader and the protagonist that doesn’t offer much information beyond that it’s time to sit smart because shit is about to go down.

Spidey comic canon is all over the board in quality and genre, and it started needing to subvert its formulas before the creators got a handle on what those formulas even were, and basically no one has read anything approaching most of it at this point, so for consistent examples of a really bare bones use of this power in storytelling, I’d point to the property that’s done the best job yet of boiling down the mechanics of Spider-Man to their absolute most basic essentials for adaptation to a compelling monster of the week TV series.

Or as you probably know it, Danny Phantom. DON’T BOO, I’M RIGHT.

DP is Spider-Man with about 2/3 of the serial numbers filed off and no death (ironically), and Danny’s ghost sense is the most proof in the formula example of what the spidey sense is for: It’s a big sign held up for the viewer that says, “Something is wrong! Pay attention!” Effectively a visual scare chord. It’s about That Drama. And it works, which won it a consistent place in the show’s formula. We’re talking several times an episode here.

So why does it work?

It’s a little counterintuitive, but it’s strong storytelling to tell your audience that something bad is going to happen before it does. A vague, punchy spoiler transforms the ignorant calm before a conflict into a tense moment of anticipation. ...And it makes sure people don’t fail to absorb the beginning of said conflict because they weren’t prepared to shift gears when the scene did. Shock is a valuable tool, too, but treating it like a staple is how you burn out your audience instead of keeping them engaged. Not to go after an easy target, but you need to know how to manage your audience’s alarm if you don’t want to end up like Game of Thrones.

The limits of the spider-sense also keep you on your toes when handled by a smart writer. It tells Peter (everyone’s is a little different, so I’m going to cite the og) about threats to his person, but it doesn’t elaborate with any details when it’s not already obvious why, what kind, and from what. And it doesn’t warn him about anything else-- Which is a pretty critical gap when you zoom out and look at his hero career’s successes and failures and conclude that it’s definitely why he’s lived as long as he has acting the way he does, but was useless as he failed to save a string of people he’d have much rather had live on than him.

(Any long-running superhero mythos has these incidents, but with Peter they’re important to the core themes.)

And since this power is by plot for plot (or because it’s roughly agreed it only really blares about threats that check at least two boxes of being major, immediate, or physical), it always kicks in enough to register when the danger is bearing down...when it’s too late to actually do anything about it if “anything” is a more complex action than “dodge”.

Really? Not until the elevator doors started to open?

That Distinctive, Crunchy Spider Flavor

The spider-sense and its little pen squiggles go hand in hand with wallcrawling (and its unique and instantly identifiable associated body language) to make the Spider-Person powerset enduringly iconic and elevate characters with it from being generic mid-level super-bricks. Visually, but also in how it shapes the story.

I said it can share a narrative role with super strength. But when you end a fight and go home, super strength continues to make your character feel powerful, probably safer than they’d be otherwise, maybe dangerous.

The spider-sense just keeps blaring, “Something’s wrong! Something’s wrong! God, why aren’t you doing something about this!?”

Pretty morose thing to live with, for a safety net! Kind of a double edged sword you have there! Could be constantly being hyperattuned to problems would prime you for a negative outlook on life. Kind of seems like a power that would make it impossible for a moral person to take a day off, leading them into a beleaguered and resentful yet dutiful attitude about the whole superhero gig! Might build up to some of the core traits of this mythos, maybe! Might lead to a lot of fifteen minute retirement stories, or something. Might even be a built in ‘great responsibility’ alarm that gets you a main character who as a rule is not going to stop fighting until he physically cannot fight anymore.

Certainly not apropos of anything, just throwing this short lived barely-a-joke tagline up for fun.

One of my personal favorite things about stories with superpowers is keeping in mind how they cause the people who have them to act in unusual ways outside of fights, so when you tell me that these people have an entire extra sense that tells them when the gas in their house is leaking through a barely useful hot/cold warning system that never turns off, I’m like, eyes emojis, popcorn out, notebook open, listening intently, spectacles on, the whole deal.

It also contributes to Peter Parker’s personality in a way I really enjoy: It allows him to act like an irrational maniac. When you know exactly when a situation becomes dangerous and how much, normal levels of caution go out the window and absolutely nothing you do makes sense from an exterior standpoint anymore. That’s the good shit. I would like to see more exploration of how the non-Parker characters experiencing the world in this incredibly altered way bounce in response.

It’s also one of many tools in this franchise hauling the reader into relating more closely with the main character. The backbone of classic Spidey is probably being in on secrets only Peter and the reader know which completely reframe how one views the situation on the page. It’s just a big irony mine for the whole first decade. A convenient way to inform the reader and the lead that something is bad news that’s not perceivable to any other characters is youth-with-a-big-exciting-secret catnip.

Another point for tension, there, in that being aware of danger is not synonymous with being able to act on it. If there’s no visible reason for you to be acting strange, well...you’re just going to have to sit tight and sweat, aren’t you? Some gratuitous head wiggles never hurt when setting up that type of conflict.

Have I mentioned that they look cool? Simultaneously punchy and distinctive, with a respectable amount of leeway for artists to get creative with and still coming up with something easily recognizable? And pretty easy to intuit the meaning of even without the long-winded explanations common in the days when people wrote comics with the intent that someone could come in cold on any random issue and follow along okay, I think, although the mechanic has been deeply ingrained in popular culture for so long that I can’t really say for sure.

It was also useful back in the day when no artists drew the eyes on the Spider-Man mask as emoting and were conveying the lead’s expressions entirely through body language and panel composition. If you wiggle enough squiggles, you don’t need eyebrows.

Take This Handwave and Never Ask Me a Logistical Question Again

This ability patches plot holes faster than people can pick them open AND it can act as an excuse to get any plot rolling you can think of if paired with one meddling protagonist who doesn’t know how to mind their own business. Buy it now for only $19.99 (in four installments; that’s four installments of $19.99).

Why can a teenager win a six on one fight against other superhumans? Well, the spider-sense is the ultimate edge in combat, duh.

Why can Peter websling? Why doesn’t everyone websling? Well, the spider-sense is keeping him from eating flagpole when he violently flings himself across New York in a way neither man nor spider was ever meant to move.

How are we supposed to get him involved with the plot this week???? Well, that crate FELT dangerous, so he’s going to investigate it. Oh, dip, it was full of guns and radioactive snakes! Probably shouldn’t have opened that!

Yeah, okay, but why isn’t it fixing everything, then? Isn’t it supposed to be why Peter has never accidentally unmasked in front of somebody? ('Nother entry for this section, take a shot.) That’s crazy sensitive! How does he still have any problems!? Is everything bad that’s ever happened to characters with this powerset bad writing!? --Listen, I think as people with uncanny senses that can tell us whether we are in danger with accuracy that varies from incredible to approximate (I am talking about the five senses that most people have), we should all know better than to underestimate our ability to tune them out or interpret them wrong and fuck ourselves up anyway. I honestly find this part completely realistic.

*SLAPS ROOF OF SPIDER-SENSE* YOU CAN FIT SO MANY STORIES IN THIS THING

The spider-sense is a clean branch into...whatever. There is the exact right balance of structure and wishy-washiness to build off of. A sample selection of whatevers that have been built:

It’s sci-fi and spy gadgets when Peter builds technology that can interface with it.

It’s quasi-mystical when Kaine and Annie-May get stronger versions of it that give them literal psychic visions, or when you want to get mythological and start talking about all the spider-characters being part of a grand web of fate.

Kaine loses his and it becomes symbolic of a future newly unbound by constraints, entangled thematically with the improved physical health he picked up at the same time -- a loss presented as a gain.

Peter loses his and almost dies 782 times in one afternoon because that didn’t make the people he provoked when he had it stop trying to kill him, and also because he isn’t about to start “””taking the subway’’””’ “‘’“”to work”””’’” like some kind of loser who doesn’t get a heads up when he’s about to hit a pigeon at 50mph.

Peter’s starts tuning into his wife’s anxiety and it’s a tool in a relationship study.

It starts pinging whenever Peter’s near his boss who’s secretly been replaced by a shapeshifter and he IGNORES IT because his boss is enough of an asshole that that doesn’t strike him as weird; now it’s a comedy/irony tool.

Into the Spider-Verse made it this beautiful poetic thing connecting all the spider-heroes in the multiverse and stacked up a story on it about instant connection, loss, and incredibly unlikely strangers becoming a found family. It was also aesthetic as FUCK. Remember the scene where Miles just hears barely intelligible whispering that’s all lines people say later in the film and then his own voice very clearly says “look out” and then the room explodes?? Fuck!!!!

Venom becomes immune to it after hitchhiking to Earth in Peter’s bone juice and it makes him a unique threat while telling a more-homoerotic-than-I-assume-was-originally-intended story about violation and how close relationships can be dangerous when they go sour.

It doesn’t work on people you trust for maximum soap opera energy. Love the innate tragedy of this feature coming up.

IN CONCLUSION I don’t have much patience for writers who don’t take advantage of it, never mind feel they need to write around it.

#spiderman #peter parker #spiderverse #spidey #marvel #danny phantom #one day you'll see what i'm doing with it in the project i'm collabing on w/ my brother and then you'll all be sorry and hopefully impresse #mirrorfalls #asks answered #essays

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