#since it's from Chuuya's pov

[unicornpopcorn14]

Skk angst scenarios that live in my head rent free tho I have no time/courage to write them as a whole fic (Part 2):

Tw: Ptsd, implied/mentioned torture, panic attack symptoms, iatrophobia (fear of doctors)

Decided to put Chuuya through it this time . Enjoy :>

(1/2)

Chuuya wakes up from corruption the first time (after all the events of SB) and finds himself in a hospital bed.

His eyes are hazy as he tries to scan the room, blurred by anesthesia. It's all white, frantic shadows casting along. His own breath is loud, clouding the mask he's wearing. The urge to go back to sleep is strong, but he clings to consciousness, tries to make sense of things-

He chokes when he spots a figure in a white coat leaning over the bed.

It's a man- dark haired and soft-voiced. And because he can't see past the length of his arm, he's faceless.

The heart monitor's beeps are frantic and grate on his senses, and Chuuya can't even twitch. The oxygen mask has turned translucent, the clouds stiff and condencing faster than they should. He can't breathe- he can't-

"Chuuya-kun. You're in Mori's infirmary, my infirmary. There is nothing to fear."

The faceless figure says, and Chuuya wants to believe it, so he tries to squint his eyes, make out any features, but it's impossible with the heart desperate to beat out of his chest, the labcoat and latex gloves towering over him.

"Chuuya-kun, can you hear me? It's okay. You are safe."

He knows he should be. It's his boss, the man he'd pledged his loyalty for. He knows there is no reason for him to think otherwise. There is no threat of him getting dissected, torn up, burnt, or tied down like some monster but still-- still...

He's terrified, he's so fucking terrified and he can't help it.

~

←Part 1 - Part 2.2→

[cheriecoke]

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ BY ANY OTHER NAME — dazai osamu

summary . . . dazai comes home after a week away, and you stay up late to surprise him with a gift.

contents . . . sfw, f!reader, pm boss dazai, dazai's pov, fluff, pet names, husband dazai <3, my unofficial valentine’s fic — 2.3k

notes . . . IM BACK !!!! he can stop whining about being neglected now (i missed him)

Dazai rubs his eyes as he walks in through the front doors of the Port Mafia headquarters, two of his men trailing behind him. The lights have been dimmed in the lobby, just bright enough to read through a sheet of paper without squinting. There are very few people loitering in the building, but that isn’t unusual for three o’clock in the morning. 

The sight of the lobby, as abysmal and dreary as it is, soothes the ache that’s been lingering in Dazai’s chest. It’s been a while since he’s been home; the past week was dedicated to doing business outside of the city. But it feels like it’s been even longer than that since he’s gotten to kiss you.

Dazai had called you every day when he was away — of course he did. His every thought revolves around you. It’s just that a few phone calls are nothing compared to being close enough to touch you.

��All set then, boss?” Chuuya asks, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He looks every bit as tired as Dazai feels. None of them had gotten much sleep on the mission away, and the weariness is finally settling down on them.

Dazai nods and waves his hands, dismissing Chuuya. “Get some rest. But don’t think that you can miss out on the meeting tomorrow just because we got back late,” he hums, and though Chuuya’s face twists up in annoyance, a fraction of a grin lingers on Dazai’s own. “I expect you there bright and early.” 

“Asshole,” Chuuya mutters under his breath, rolling his eyes. And, in all honesty, Dazai is too tired to even quip back. 

He watches as Chuuya and the rest of his team disperse. Some of them head to the elevator, choosing to remain under the safety of the Mafia’s ownership. Some leave the building, heading to their private homes, outside of the city.

Dazai doesn’t really care where they choose to reside, as long as they remain loyalty to him and the Mafia. So far, he hasn’t had any issues.

With a quick scan around the room, he notices that there are still eyes on him. Dazai refrains from yawning, even as the sleepy feeling creeps up on him, an almost uncontrollable strain of the muscles. It’s a simple bodily reaction, but it feels too much like an emotion, a weakness that he could reveal. How tiring it is, to be the boss, with every eye scutinizing him, searching for a mistake. 

He’s a lot more relaxed around the members he’d been a child with; they disliked the previous bosses more than they dislike him, but some still miss when Mori was alive. Some, he worries, know they’ll never be able to land a finger on Dazai — you are the much easier target. 

It’s a fear that has never left him alone, not since the day he fell in love with you. 

When his eyes slide to the corner of the room, he notices that Higuchi and Gin are still downstairs, conversing in whispers in front of a corner table. 

His eyebrows wrinkle together. They’re supposed to be with you, still watching out in case anyone decides to make a move before you’re back in his arms. 

Dazai heads toward them, straightening his lips into a scowl. He knows that neither of them particularly like him; their feelings are nothing short of neutral. But they are fiercely loyal to you.

As much as he’d like to snap at someone in his weathered state, he knows neither of them would ever do anything to put you in danger. He also knows that if you’d begged them to be left alone, they would’ve complied. 

“Higuchi,” Dazai says, his voice flattened, serious, as he tries to hide both his exhaustion and his confusion. “Is something wrong?”

The blonde straightens, her expression changing quickly from an easy smile to something anxiously stoic. Her eyes shift from him to Gin, and though she always puts on a very brave face, Dazai knows how much he intimidates her — just as Mori did before him. 

“Sorry, sir,” Higuchi says, and she steps to the side, a space between her and the other woman revealing you asleep on the table. “We thought you’d be back earlier. She wanted to stay down here and surprise you, but it got late, and…” Higuchi trails off, noticing that Dazai is already distracted, his expression softening. 

It is, perhaps, the reason that so many in the Port Mafia choose to win you over. There is very little that Dazai forgives, very little that he lets slide. You, though, have a heart that is much softer, a gentleness that he has never once in his life possessed. The bleeding organ caged within his chest is made of blooming flowers when it comes to you, ones with petals he’d let you pluck off without a single protest. 

“Oh,” Dazai says, the syllable nothing more than a puff of air, parting his cold lips. His eyes soften, body relaxing, every ounce of tension draining from his shoulders. He feels lighter, those sickening thoughts of blood and misery evaporating from his mind like a cartoonish puff of smoke. “I see.”

One of your arms is stretched out across the table, the other tucked under your head, creating a right angle from your wrist to your elbow. There is a dark shade of lipstick on your mouth, that has now smeared to your cheeks. Only one of your eyes is visible, the other pressed into your bicep. 

You’re a mess, but you’re so human; angelically beautiful, but not without the faults of a mortal. He loves you so dearly that his chest squeezes, and though Gin and Higuchi are watching, he knows—and they know—that he’s never been good at hiding his feelings for you. 

“Thank you,” Dazai says, tapping Higuchi on the shoulder. She seems to flinch at the sudden contact, but relaxes, and nods. “For staying with her.”

Higuchi is surprised by the acknowledgement, but she just bows her head, laughs, almost awkwardly, and backs away from him. “I consider her a friend. I don’t need to be thanked.”

“It’s polite to thank people for the work they’ve done for you,” Dazai says, and though he’s, perhaps, being uncharacteristically nice, you’ve softened him like butter, making him sickeningly saccharine. “Is it not?”

Higuchi opens her mouth, then draws her eyebrows together before shutting it. Better to let it go than question Dazai’s newfound benevolence — something he will spare only so often.

But she surprises Dazai with a small grin, her bangs falling into her eyes as she tilts her head just to the side. “Your darling wife has trained you well,” Higuchi says, much braver than she’d been months ago, braver still, than she’d been under Mori’s regime. 

Dazai thinks he’s grown too soft in his years with you. Though, one scan of your darling, sleeping figure erases any regret he could ever feel. 

He’s surprised by Higuchi’s reaction, but he doesn’t let it show, a smile sliding smoothly on his face before a sharp laugh escapes from him. “I’ve just grown to trust you more, Higuchi. I know that you would never betray her.” 

Higuchi smiles; there’s a fresh understanding between them that wasn’t there before. 

Dazai loves you, he loves you dearly, but he is lucky that so many others do too. How many people has he won over in the Mafia, just by being associated with you? How many have sworn their loyalty to him, only because they’re forever loyal to you? 

He supposes it doesn’t matter. You’ve got a pretty ring on your finger to prove that you’re as much his as you are the Port Mafia’s, and he doesn’t intend on ever letting you go.

Gin and Higuchi bid him a good night, and his exhaustion finally starts to overcome him, the stickiness in the back of his throat giving way to pain, his eyelids thin and scratchy. 

Dazai runs his hands over your head softly, stirring you back awake. It must be painful, the position you’re in, and he can only imagine how stiff you are. When he touches your cheek, you make a soft little sound under your breath; Dazai nearly melts.

“Sweetheart,” he hums, dragging his fingertips across your arms. “Let’s go.” 

It takes a few seconds longer before you jolt a bit, eyes fluttering open softly. You’d been in a surprisingly deep sleep, despite the lights on in the room, the rustling sound that follows the people walking around.

“Osamu?” 

Dazai hums an affirmation, and then he kisses you, just the corner of your mouth, the only part of it that he can reach. “You fell asleep,” he says, just above a whisper, kneeling slightly as you make your way to a seated position. “Time to go upstairs.”  

But you’re still half-asleep, and you fall forward, into his arms, throwing them around his neck. You smell something of fresh soap and roses, overwhelmingly sweet. Dazai almost can’t believe he’d been able to leave you for so long.  

“You’re back!” you mutter, and though it’s full of excitement, its also said through a yawn.

Dazai smiles, and breathes you in. “I am.”

“I missed you,” you kiss his shoulder, the juncture between it and his neck. “Sorry I wasn’t awake when you got here.” 

He runs his fingers up your spine and laughs, shaking his head. “It’s the middle of the night, my love. I would’ve preferred you were asleep, anyway.” A pout forms against his neck; he quickly remedies his words, and kisses the top of your head. “But I’m happy to see you. I was certainly surprised.” 

You laugh, breathless. “Not much of a surprise with me passed out on the table.” 

Dazai starts to pull away, but notices the bouquet of bright red roses on the table. It’s large — dozens and dozens of flowers stuck into the paper. They’re your favorites, ones that he always gets you, the stamp on the packaging from the same florist he shops from. His eyebrows wrinkle together. 

“Who are the flowers from?” he says, and though he tries to keep his tone unassuming, he knows how it sounds… Irritated, and perhaps a little too much like a man willing to skin anyone alive. 

You pull your head away from his shoulder and glance behind you, to the bouquet that is laid carefully against the table. “Oh,” you say, your eyes darting back down to your hands, in a way that is almost bashful. “They’re from me, actually. For you.” 

Carefully, you pick them up and hand them to him, smiling sideways and awkwardly.  

Dazai’s eyes widen. He glances at the flowers being presented to him, stares at the golden and diamond ring upon your finger, the vulnerability in your irises as you reach out the bouquet. His doubt is only obvious for a second, but it is enough to have you questioning your surprise. 

You frown, withdraw, and begin to set the bouquet down. “Do you not like them? I know they’re more of something I would like, but I just thought… Well, I love when you buy me flowers, Osamu. And you just have so many things, I thought this would be more—”

Dazai smiles. He is sick with affection, devastatingly in love with you and everything that you have to offer. You could have given him nothing, and he still would have stared at you with stars in his eyes, because you are the universe that he revolves around. You could’ve given him the world, and it wouldn’t have mattered, because he wants you and you alone, and no gift can compare to the way that you love him. 

He kisses you, catches you in the middle of a sentence, steals the air right from your lungs. The taste of you is even sweeter after so much time apart, and he curls his fingers into your scalp, traces your cheeks with his thumb. “I love you,” he says against your mouth, whispers the words, even though everyone around them sees his feelings on a flickering sign about his head. “You’re so sweet to me, even though I probably don’t deserve it.” 

You’re taken aback, and then you shake your head, rolling your eyes. You must get tired of how often he says it, how often he questions why you love a man like him. But it’s true. You are everything that’s right with the world, and Dazai is the opposite. Fate must’ve been on his side to match him with a soulmate that is everything he truly needs. 

“You spoil me too much,” you say in return, yawning again in the middle of the sentence, your hand covering your mouth daintily. “I never get the chance to do the same.” 

Dazai thinks your love spoils him enough, but he won’t bother you with anymore of those thoughts. Your eyes are drooping closed once more, and if he doesn’t get you upstairs soon, you might just sleep on the table for the rest of the morning. 

He takes the bouquet in one hand, and drags you to your feet with the other. You sway a bit, then nestle into his side, curling your arms around his waist tightly. “I’m sleepy, Osamu.” 

“Me too, sweetheart.” The two of you walk to the elevator in silence, and he realizes that he never properly expressed his gratitude. “Thank you for the flowers, angel.” 

You don’t respond, but squeeze him a little tighter. He smiles, and the elevator chimes. 

⤷ thank you sm for reading! reblogs appreciated!

[kitkat13001]

⋆˙⟡ ༉‧ 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚒 𝚌𝚛𝚞𝚖𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚛𝚢

>> chuuya nakahara x reader (ft some past dazai x reader)

>> comfort, slight angst, brief mentions of alcohol, reader has a history w dazai

part 2 / reverse pov of ‘dreaming of you’ (dazai x reader)

chuuya sighs, plucking the near-empty wine glass from your hands. you blink up at him with owlish eyes, as if waking from a daze. 

“that’s the last time i let you drink unsupervised,” he tells you, downing the contents of the glass for himself before setting it down in the sink. 

“i’m serious, chuu,” you frown, but your cheeks are flushed and you can’t fight the hiccup that rises with the end of the sentence. 

“so am i,” chuuya replies, taking your arm in a firm but gentle grip as he lifts you from your seat at the table. “you’re going to feel all that wine in the morning, you know.”

“i don’t care,” you sniff, falling back into the plush couch cushions. chuuya heaves another sigh, perching on the armrest beside you. 

you remain silent for a long time, until chuuya turns to see you sniffle, shiny eyes downcast. 

“i miss him, chuu.”

he doesn’t have to ask to know who you’re talking about.

it’s not uncommon for this kind of thing to happen. wine with dinner turns into a few too many drinks, and the influx of alcohol turns you into an emotional mess. 

it’s usually this subject that comes up. sometimes it’s different things; the stress bubbling up from work, how long it’s been since you’ve seen your family, how afraid you are of the future, things like that. but more often than not, your mind always comes back to the empty space in your heart that osamu dazai left behind.

“i know you do,” chuuya replies, releasing one long exhale. he wishes he could say ‘so do i’, for the simple comfort that you aren’t suffering alone. but chuuya doesn’t lie, especially not to you. 

he slides down the armrest to settle on the couch beside you, pressing his warm side against yours to give some of the comfort you so desperately seek on nights like these. 

“why did he leave?”

chuuya frowns. “it’s no use wondering now, you know. he did what he did and that was the end of it.”

he knows the words are harsh, but it’s worse for you to think so hard on things that happened so long ago. or worse, for you to think that it was your fault dazai left. 

guilt shrivels up his heart when he looks down at you, at the tears swimming in your big, sad eyes. 

“don’t…don’t cry,” chuuya says, crease appearing between his brows. he could never stand to see you crying. 

you sniffle, biting your lip and blinking to dispel the tears. when you speak, your voice is a ghostly whisper. “do you think…do you think he misses us?”

chuuya bites the inside of his cheek so hard he tastes blood. 

“not me. but you…” he pauses, thinking it over. “maybe.”

you inhale shakily and chuuya can feel you tremble against his side. 

his guilt gives in to anger, bubbling up inside his chest until he bursts out. “well, fuck him! we’re better off without him, okay?”

“okay.”

you don’t sound very convinced. and to be honest, neither is chuuya. 

sometimes—and it’s an outrageous, dirty, traitorous thought—chuuya thinks you should have gone with him. he would’ve felt like a desolate, unlovable piece of shit if you had left with dazai, but at least you’d maybe be happy. and chuuya would live a million miserable existences if it meant you would be happy. 

but then you nuzzle your head further into his arm, effectively using him as a pillow, and all those depressing thoughts vanish from chuuya’s head. the warmth of your body against his almost brings a smile to his face.

no, he thinks, feeling a surge of protectiveness over you. he wouldn’t trade this for the world. and he wouldn’t leave you like dazai did, not for anything. 

and you didn’t go with him, anyway. you chose to stay. with chuuya. and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

i think this one’s shorter than the dazai one 🥲 i hope it’s still a decent read 🫶 chuuya makes me feel things. i live for longing and pining and mixed signals. lmk what other stuff you guys might wanna see from me <333

[stolenorchids]

THE SPACE BETWEEN US

CHUUYA NAKAHARA X FEM!READER

WARNINGS: fem!reader, hurt/comfort, mention of interrogation, mention of blood, mentions of fights, reader not believing she's human, 3rd person from readers pov, there might be swearing idk - I think that's all, but lmk if I missed anything!!

WC: 2.5k

dividers by @uzmacchiato and @firefly-graphics

Perhaps she was doomed the moment she learned what it meant to be human.

Or maybe it was even earlier than that - before she had the words to ask why, before she knew that the ache in her chest wasn’t normal. Before she turned fourteen and her mind became a mess of static and silence. A dull emptiness where memories should’ve lived. People she couldn’t name. A childhood she couldn’t recall.

And the years after that - between fourteen and sixteen - were no better. Everything she remembered came to her in pieces, as if someone had painted over her life in thick, clumsy strokes. The colours were there, but the details were gone. Conversations blurred. Rooms that felt familiar without reason. Pain that had no source.

She used to wonder if something was wrong with her. If the cracks in her mind meant she was broken.

But she got good at pretending.

Smiling, joking, laughing too loudly at the right time. Acting normal. Acting human.

No one ever noticed.

Until now.

The glass shattered two feet from her face.

She didn’t flinch. Not outwardly. But something deep in her chest twisted - tight and cold, like a pressure she didn’t know how to breathe through.

“Talk,” Chuuya growled, the heel of his boot pressing down against the shoulder of the man pinned beneath him. “Now.”

The warehouse office was trashed. The overhead lights buzzed faintly above the chaos - papers scattered like snowdrifts, a filing cabinet overturned and still leaking folders. Dust floated lazily in the air. The informant on the floor was bleeding from his mouth but still grinning like this was all some kind of game.

“I told you,” he coughed, voice thick with blood, “I don’t know anything.”

“That’s a lie,” she said quietly from where she stood, leaning against the far wall, arms crossed. Her voice was calm. Too calm.

Chuuya looked over his shoulder at her. She hadn’t moved from that spot since the fight ended - uncharacteristically still. Her gaze, usually quick and bright with expression, was unreadable.

“She’s right,” Chuuya said, turning back to the informant. “You slipped. You mentioned a lab.”

The man clicked his tongue. “Freudian slip. Doesn’t mean anything.”

“It means enough,” she murmured.

There was something about the word lab - something she couldn’t pin down. The second he’d said it, her breath had hitched. Not visibly. Not enough for anyone to notice.

Except Chuuya.

She could feel his eyes on her, flicking back every so often with subtle, practiced glances.

“You know, I expected more from the infamous Port Mafia,” the informant said, spitting to the side. “You lot used to be scary.”

The man laughed - loud, messy, bitter.

She wasn’t sure what snapped inside her first. Maybe it was the laughter. Maybe it was the smug tilt of his chin. Maybe it was how familiar this whole place felt. Too familiar. The cold, sterile walls. The exposed concrete. The sour-sweet scent of old chemicals that hadn’t fully faded. She hadn’t been here before - she was sure of that.

And yet…

Her hands clenched at her sides. Fingernails dug into her palm.

“You don’t know what you’ve seen,” she said, and this time her voice was cold. “You don’t even know what you’re part of.”

Even the informant stopped laughing for a moment.

“Enough,” Chuuya said, stepping forward. His voice wasn’t sharp - it was measured. Calming.

She realized then that her own breathing had quickened.

Chuuya knelt beside the man, his gloved fingers gripping the collar of his shirt. “Tell us what you know about the lab. Who’s running it now? Who gave you orders?”

Silence.

Then: “You can break my bones, but I’ll still die knowing you people are nothing but dogs.”

Chuuya’s hand twitched - but he didn’t hit him.

“We’ve got what we need,” he said after a moment, standing and brushing nonexistent dust from his coat.

She blinked. “We do?”

His eyes met hers. “Yeah. You okay?”

She forced a smile. “Of course.”

Her hands hadn’t unclenched.

They left the warehouse in silence, the sound of their footsteps echoing down the corridor.

Outside, the night air was cool. Sharp. The scent of sea salt and oil from the nearby docks lingered in the wind, and the city lights blinked against the horizon like stars that had fallen too far.

She breathed in slowly, but it didn’t help.

“Whatever that guy was hiding,” Chuuya said after a while, “we’ll figure it out. You got that look in your eye.”

“What look?”

“The one that says you’re halfway to blaming yourself.”

She laughed once under her breath. “I didn’t know I had a look.”

“You do,” he said simply. “You’ve had it since we were halfway through the mission.”

“I’m just tired.”

Chuuya looked at her for a long moment. His expression was unreadable.

“…Right,” he said. But she knew he didn’t believe her.

Back at the Port Mafia headquarters, the familiar buzz of evening activity filled the halls. Higuchi brushed past them in the corridor, phone pressed to her ear, muttering something about needing to reschedule a weapons drop. Hirotsu stood further down the hall, speaking quietly with Gin, who nodded once when their eyes met.

Tachihara caught sight of them just before they turned the corner.

“Oh hey, Chuuya,” he said, slowing his pace. “Successful run?”

Chuuya gave a half-nod. “Mostly.”

Tachihara turned toward her. “You okay? You look kinda- uh-” His sentence stopped short when he caught Chuuya’s glance. “Never mind. None of my business. Good work out there!”

He walked off a little faster than necessary.

Chuuya waited until they were past earshot before saying, “You do look kind of off.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re relentless.”

“And you’re deflecting.”

They reached Chuuya’s office a few minutes later. She followed him in without thinking, as she always did. She wasn’t even sure when it had become routine - just that at some point, it had.

The door clicked shut behind her. The room was warm, filled with soft lamplight and the faint scent of wine.

She stood near the desk while Chuuya pulled off his gloves and tossed them onto the back of a chair. “You want a drink?”

She hesitated, then nodded. “Yeah. Sure.”

He poured two glasses, setting one down on the small side table next to her. She took it without a word.

Only then - when the silence stretched again, when the adrenaline had worn off - did she realize her hands were shaking. Just slightly. Not enough for someone passing by to notice.

But Chuuya did.

Without a word, he reached out and gently took the glass from her hands. Not fast. Not startled. Just slow, deliberate, grounding.

Her breath hitched again, but for a different reason this time.

He said nothing. Just set the glass aside, then returned to his seat.

“I’ll take that as a ‘no’ to the wine,” he said, and she was grateful for the quiet humor in his voice.

She sat down beside him.

The office, usually filled with paperwork and occasional sarcastic bickering, felt different now. Heavier.

And yet, sitting there beside him in the quiet hum of lamplight, something in her chest began to ache a little less.

Chuuya didn’t speak again until he’d settled into the chair across from her. His coat hung loosely over the back, sleeves rolled halfway up his arms. He reached for his own glass, but didn’t drink. His gaze stayed on her.

“You’ve been quiet lately,” he said.

She blinked, trying to smile. “Quiet’s not always bad.”

“No, it’s not. But it’s not you.” He tilted his head slightly. “You used to talk so much I thought about getting earplugs.”

She huffed a soft laugh, because it was true. Once upon a time, she’d filled the space between missions with half-baked jokes and stories that looped into nowhere. She used to say someone had to be the mood-lifter around here, and it might as well be her.

Now? She wasn’t sure she even remembered how to smile without forcing it.

Chuuya set his glass down and leaned back in his chair, watching her the way you would watch the tide attentively, like he already knew something was shifting beneath the surface.

“It’s not just today,” he said. “It’s been a while. You flinched last week when Tachihara threw his arms up during a story. You haven’t been training with Gin. You used to play music in the backroom when you were doing paperwork. Now it’s just… silent.”

She looked away.

“It’s nothing,” she muttered. “Just tired.”

“No,” Chuuya said, his voice coming out a bit harsher than necessary. “It’s not nothing.”

That stung more than she expected. He wasn’t being cruel - he never was. Not with her - but there was no room to run from someone who saw you. Who didn’t fall for your jokes. Who noticed your silences more than your words.

Her voice was thin when she finally answered. “How long have you known?”

Chuuya didn’t hesitate. “Since the day we came back from that job near Yokohama Bay. Three months ago.”

Her eyes snapped to his.

“You looked out at the water for ten minutes straight and didn’t hear me call your name. I thought maybe you were daydreaming, but…” He shrugged, slow. “You had that look again.”

That look.

God. That look.

She set her hands on her thighs, fingers twitching slightly. “I didn’t think you’d notice.”

Chuuya’s voice was quiet. “You’re easy to notice.”

The words hit her harder than they should have.

“I’ve been remembering things,” she said after a long moment. “Or… maybe not remembering. It’s hard to tell. I’ll see something, and it feels familiar. A hallway, a smell, a voice. But I don’t know why. It’s like… someone took a piece of my brain and left static in its place.”

Chuuya didn’t interrupt. He didn��t ask questions, didn’t press. He just let her speak.

She was grateful for that.

“Before I turned fourteen,” she said, voice barely above a whisper, “I can’t... remember anything. Not my family, not my childhood. It’s just… blank. And the years after that?” Her throat tightened. “They don’t feel real. Like someone fed them to me, piece by piece, and told me to believe they were mine.”

She hadn’t planned on saying any of this. It was like the words had been waiting, hiding in the back of her throat for years, and now that they were loose, they wouldn’t stop.

“I don’t think I’m normal,” she said. “I’m starting to think I never was.”

Silence stretched between them again. Chuuya’s gaze never wavered.

“...do you ever feel like you were made for something instead of born for something?” she asked suddenly, almost frantic. “Like your life wasn’t yours to begin with? Like maybe you were… built, or put together from pieces of something else, and no one’s told you yet?”

She laughed bitterly, a hand running through her hair. “I sound insane.”

“You don’t,” Chuuya said.

She looked up.

His voice was steady. “I know that feeling.”

The way he said it - it wasn’t casual. It wasn’t sympathy. It was recognition.

“I used to wonder the same thing,” he continued. “When I was younger. Before I joined the Mafia, before I met Dazai. There were… things I could do that didn’t make sense. People kept secrets from me. Treated me like I was dangerous or not fully real. Like I was just an experiment they were waiting to dissect.”

Her breath caught.

“Did it ever stop?” she asked.

“No.” His voice was honest. “But it got quieter when I found people who didn’t treat me like a weapon.”

He leaned forward, elbows on his knees.

“I don’t know what happened to you,” he said. “I don’t know who made you question yourself like this, or why your memories are gone. But I know one thing.”

She looked at him.

“You’re real. And you’re you. Not because someone told you what to be. But because you chose to keep going anyway.”

The shaking in her hands had returned, barely visible, but enough. Chuuya reached out again, his fingers brushing against her hand. His fingers lingered.

“And if you ever forget who you are again,” he said, voice softer now, “I’ll remind you.”

A breath slipped from her lips - half sob, half laugh.

“Chuuya…”

His touch moved up, slow, fingers brushing her jaw before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Then, without fanfare, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her temple. Gentle. Grounding.

Her eyes fluttered closed.

And for the first time in what felt like years, the noise in her head went quiet.

It was strange - how easy it was to breathe with him this close.

She hadn’t realized how much she’d been holding in, curling in on herself to keep the cracks hidden. But now, with Chuuya’s hand warm against her cheek and his lips brushing just slightly from her temple to her forehead - soft, reverent, like he didn’t want to scare her back into silence - she felt seen. Like her bones were settling into the shape they were always meant to hold.

She didn’t even think before leaning in again.

Their foreheads touched. Her breath caught in her throat. Chuuya’s fingers shifted to the side of her jaw, the warmth of him grounding her in the moment.

Then - just a little closer. Just enough for the edges to blur. Just enough for the air between them to hum with something unspoken.

And then-

SLAM.

The door flew open like it had been kicked off its hinges (it hadn’t - barely - but it felt that dramatic).

“Chuuya-san,” came Akutagawa’s voice - sharp, flat, entirely unimpressed. “Boss asked me to deliver-”

Silence.

Her entire body locked up. Chuuya froze mid-motion, his hand still cradling her jaw. Their lips were - almost (definitely) - entirely too close.

Akutagawa blinked once. His expression didn’t change, but it somehow became more judgmental nevertheless.

“…I’ll come back later.”

Chuuya recoiled like he’d been shot. “No- wait, it’s not-” He let go of her like her skin had turned to fire. “Akutagawa.”

But Akutagawa had already turned on his heel, silent as a ghost, the door clicking shut behind him with far too much finality.

A heavy, suffocating beat of silence.

Then-

“…Oh my god,” she muttered, burying her face in her hands.

“I can’t believe that just happened,” Chuuya said at the exact same time, face already flushed a dangerous shade of crimson.

There was a beat. Another.

And then they both broke into laughter - exhausted, incredulous, slightly unhinged.

She wiped her eyes, breath hiccupping. “He’s never gonna let you live that down.”

“He doesn’t talk to anyone and somehow he’s still gonna find a way to tell the entire organization.”

She snorted. “You think Higuchi’s gonna hear about it first?”

“Either her or Gin. Or - God forbid - Tachihara.”

The horror of Tachihara knowing was enough to send them both into another round of silent wheezing.

When the laughter faded, there was still a softness between them. Her shoulder was nearly touching his. He didn’t move away again. And this time, when the silence returned, it felt comfortable. Shared.

Not the kind you needed to fill.

The kind that said we’ll talk more when you’re ready.

[venelona]

Write My Report author notes

Today is one year since I first posted my Dazatsu fic 'Write My Report' (PM Dazai x PM Atsushi, Atsushi works as Dazai's secretary), so as I edit through all 100k+ words of it, I bring you author notes - include my favourite things about the chapters, thoughts behind some moments and fun (?) facts.

!SPOILERS FOR THE WHOLE FANFIC!

(fanfic quotes will be in italics, bold italics are just the words that were italics in the quote- it makes sense- i promise-)

Starting with, of course,

Chapter 1:

I think the whole premise of the fanfic was born by that one time Dazai asks Atsushi to write his report for him after Dazai returns from his mafia kidnapping. Second half of the plot with him helping Atsushi conceal his tiger ability was an excuse for them to hold hands every full moon. I thought it would be a shortcut to my beloved 'one bed' trope. And then it didn't shortcut shit because I slow burned the hell out of it

'Great - now he was alive and uncomfortably wet.'

"I… I- I can't believe I'm going to get fired because of a guy who wanted to drown himself over paperwork." - Sweet sweet irony 😌 You want Dazai to live, Atsushi? Get to paperwork then

I think the whole premise of the fanfic was born by that one time Dazai asks Atsushi to write his report for him after Dazai returns from his mafia kidnapping. Second half of the plot with him helping Atsushi conceal his tiger ability was an excuse for them to hold hands every full moon. I thought it would be a shortcut to my beloved 'one bed' trope. And then it didn't shortcut shit because I slow burned the hell out of it

'Great - now he was alive and uncomfortably wet.'

"I… I- I can't believe I'm going to get fired because of a guy who wanted to drown himself over paperwork." - Sweet sweet irony 😌 You want Dazai to live, Atsushi? Get to paperwork then

I never described Atsushi's waiter uniform but this is kind of how I imagined it looking. No I don't have explanations. Literally just 'the vision.'

I guess I never described Atsushi's secretary clothes, tho it's been referenced that he has a jacket. Its also drawn on the cover lol

'He briefly contemplated drowning himself, but he didn't want his last day to be so full of Chuuya, so he decided on another kind of drink tonight.'

Dazai mercelessly shooting the guy in the bar who saw Atsushi transform was one of the things that were supposed to back up that 'Dark Dazai' tag. And then I kinda forgot to make him do more evil things later on lol He kills more people but more off screen and I kinda fumbled that tag ngl

COOL FANART COOL FANART LOOK AT THE COOL FANART something made me hate that scene but then zinder came in and made me love it 😭💖💖💖

'"Ah, you're awake." A vaguely familiar voice called from the doorway.' They caught Atsushi trying to cross the boarder-

The section where Dazai explains Atsushi about how he's the tiger and offers the deal is the only section where one POV breaks and you can see the other, but I decided to keep it. It was written this way because I didn't plan on keeping their POVs very separate, but then they never broke again lol

"Close your mouth, Atsushi, I already saw plenty of your fangs today."

Atsushi never, for even one second, regretting helping Dazai and saying so to him every time 😭🙏

I love writing canon moments altered by whatever the premise of the fic is - in this case, PM Dazai and Atsushi. Canon parallels - Dazai blackmailing Atsushi into the job.

Never really described but Dazai's office is on the first floor in part of it where not a lot of people pass by. All executives have more proper offices but Dazai really just took a room he didn't need a lot of time to get to. That makes Atsushi's work a bit annoying because most mafia clerks work on other floors together and he alone gotta run back and forth

It probably shows but I know nothing of the ways of office paperworks

"Eh, you're doing fiiine." His employer waved from the couch. "You're doing a way better job than I ever did, Atsushi." "How?.." "You're looking at the papers." Dazai smirked. "That's more than I usually do."

Initially one big point of conflict was supposed to be that Dazai holds a very high position in the mafia, so the papers he handles is full of very valuable information. And the fact that he let Atsushi into all of that information gives Atsushi some degree of power in the mafia, but also makes him a target for others... and then this never really came up lol

I don't think this was ever outright stated but Dazai's apartment is on a very high floor - not last one, but still high up. Like, twenty or something. The whole building inhabited by mafia workers, but he's really the only big fish in it

"I can't just make something up! Besides, from the amount of complaining notes-" Atsushi pointed at the hefty pile of papers Dazai was sitting right next to. "People do read your reports." "Oh, you actually read these?" Dazai picked up a few papers from that stack. "I usually just throw them away." "It's not even all of them?!" "Oh, it's probably just from the last three days."

Dazai saying 'Chuuya probably wrote half of the complaints and that's why I am not reading them' is just an excuse. He's just too lazy to read them

Something about Chuuya being described as 'The hat man' is sending me

[Dazai and Chuuya] '"When was the last time I made a wrong decision, hm?" "I don't know, yesterday? In the morning? Five minutes ago?"'

'"Atsushi, you should visit more places." Dazai shook his head. "Do you even go anywhere on your days off?" "I don't have days off." Atsushi blinked at him. Dazai blinked back. "Really?" "You never told me I have any."' - Atsushi never even asking if he has off days for like two weeks 😭 He'd work without them too, that poor man. Dazai gave him Thursday off because that was the only day Dazai himself actually occupied his office before he hired Atsushi. Dazai was fine without an office (he'd find a place to laze around), but people were complaining that he's hard to find when someone wanted to talk to him, and so he told everyone he can be found on Thursdays. After he hired Atsushi he started spending like 50% more of his time in the office because when he wanted to laze around he was like 'might as well do it in the office, I can occupy the couch, I am not alone and people will shout at me less and even praise me for being at work)

'Atsushi shook his head again. He needed to distract himself. "So… that was Akutagawa, huh?" That was probably the worst topic he could've picked for a distraction, but anxiety hasn't let him think of any other at the moment.'

Never elaborated on but in this story other executives have a lot of people that are under their command specifically. Dazai still orders people around and gives them work and stuff, but the only person he hired himself before Atsushi was Akutagawa. So that's why Atsushi is kind of treated like a big deal by other mafia members. Also half the reason why Akutagawa was angry at his existence

Dazai telling Atsushi 'I think you and Akutagawa would work great together' was a nod to New Double Black. He was still envisioning it in his mind even though Atsushi was working as his secretary and didn't use his ability at all, but later on when he started caring for Atsushi he kind of waved that idea off because he didn't want Atsushi using his ability at all

'"Atsushi, I didn't give you a day off today so you could spend it calling me at eight in the morning."'

If you're wandering why I always juggle how I call Dazai (the brunet/the mafioso/the bandaged man) and others is because in school during language lessons one lesson that stuck to me was that you can't use the same word in two sentences in a row, or it'll sound bad. So half my writing comes from me trying to juggle the same words back and forth. h e l p

Never described but I like to imagine that Dazai got panorama windows in his living room. I never stated this because I don't think he would - something like that would up the chances of his enemies finding where he lives and Dazai wouldn't bother risking that. But... that's what my cinematic imagination wants

'"If you planned on holding hands all night, I regret to inform you that I have no habits of flirting with men."' - canon parallel + THAT WAS THE PREMISE OF THE FIC AND I BARELY DID IT 😭😭😭

'"Or you wanted to watch me sleep the whole night? I didn't think you were such a pervert, Atsushi."' - a set up for a joke in chapter 6. Yes. I thought of that stupid joke this far back.

'And, he supposed, watching Atsushi struggle with the paperwork made it a teensy bit more enjoyable to do. By which he meant it was still a nightmare and he'd rather throw himself off this very building than work on it, but still. A little bit more enjoyable.'

I got SO many comments on SO many chapters about 'when Atsushi will tell Dazai about his tragic past'. Either they missed the 'Probably had to do with that orphanage he talked about earlier, but Dazai didn't care for sob stories about the past.' line, or wanted something more- Dazai KNEW, he connected the dots, he just didn't care back then

Dazai was supposed not to care for Atsushi in these earlier stages but I kind of fumbled it and made him too caring a bit too quickly but. Whatever can you do.

[fyozaibrainrot]

FYOZAI ANALYSIS

Heya bsd fandom! Welcome to my fyozai analysis that no one asked for. If you're an anti, please feel free to skip this post, I'm not a fan of shipping war. If you're not caught up to the manga and don't want to get spoiled, you can also skip because this contains manga spoilers.

Now, I want to say in advance that I have nothing against other zai and fyo ships (I like skk — I even edit them — and fyolai — thanks to Creantzy), I'm merely stating things as I see it. And if you agree with me, then we have something in common.

Background

Their similarities and differences

Their relationship

They hate each other vs. it's nothing personal

Their view of each other

How they treat each other vs. how they treat others

Why is fyozai a good ship?

How they feel about one another

fyozai is NOT skk 4.0 or fyolai in a different flavor

Their connection

Their abilities

Background

In chapter 37, after the fall of Moby Dick and before Dead Apple, Dazai told Hirotsu that he met Fyodor before the present timeline, and he also hinted that he knew Atsushi is the tiger from the very start. It's a popular headcanon that they met after Dazai left the Port Mafia, but until today, we still don't know how they met and their circumstances at that time.

I'm assuming it will be revealed in the coming chapters before Fyodor is defeated to make us cry, maybe from Sigma's POV, or Asagiri-sensei will release a new LN. (It's also possible Asagiri-sensei will leave it at that for us to do what we want in fanfiction.) Either way, it's clear that they got to know each other pretty well during that time, since Dazai is already familiar with Fyodor and his ways even before they reunited again.

Speaking of reunion, there's a detail that wasn't specified in the Dead Apple — in the movie, at least. I haven't read the manga or LN — but supposedly, Dazai teamed up with Fyodor against Shibusawa, but Fyodor was pals with Shibusawa and sold Dazai for his ability only for Fyodor to also betray Shibusawa. In short, it's a circus of clowns and demons.

Anyway, this means that Dazai had a way of reaching out to Fyodor to be able to team up with him beforehand. Of course, that went up in flames during the cannibalism arc. (It'll be hilarious if Dazai casually called Fyodor to ask him where he is and Fyodor hung up on him though.)

Moving on to communication, the two of them talked to each other enough to create their own language. And by enough, I mean a lot, they must've had a lengthy conversation during the DA and before that. Otherwise, how the fuck can they use a lot of words in prison? Because their meetings during the cannibalism arc and their on-screen time in the movie sure as hell wasn't enough to make up their language.

We don't know enough about their personal background yet and their history together is still up in the air so we'll leave it at that.

Their similarities and differences

Dazai and Fyodor are so similar. That's established since their first interaction in the main manga. They are both highly intellectual geniuses who feel alienated from society. Dazai feeling alienated? Not a shocker if you've read his ability and it's shown in the 15 arc. (i.e. him shooting that guy from GSS over and over, and going “ah right, that's the right way to think" after Chuuya stopped him.) But Fyodor? Well, yes. It was practically stated by Ango during the DA and confirmed by Fyodor with his iconic counseling hour bit. That panel is not just for fun and giggles. It's Fyodor admitting that no one can quite understand him. Just as they can't understand Dazai.

They view themselves as being different from the rest of society; Dazai views himself as being below the other humans, and Fyodor views himself as being above and closer to God.

Both are also willing to go to great lengths to achieve their goals. Getting captured, killing, manipulation, using people, betraying allies, the list goes on and on. As they said in the alley, they are alike. And that's the reason they are each other's worst enemy. They are not yin and yang like Akutagawa and Atsushi, no, they are the opposite sides of the same coin. The reason why it's opposite? Well, aside from them being on opposing side of the war, it's because of their one difference.

Dazai found beauty in people being sinfully stupid while Fyodor despised it. Fyodor wants to cleanse that sin, but Dazai accepts it as part of people's humanity. But you know what's interesting?

“He is stupid. I am not disputing that, but perhaps the normal man should be stupid, how do you know? Perhaps it is very beautiful, in fact.” — Notes From The Underground

This is a line from one of IRL Fyodor's novels. I think that their conversation about stupidity comes from this. Who knows? Maybe Fyodor will have a change of heart in the end.

Their relationship

-They hate each other vs. it's nothing personal

I think it's clear by now that Dazai and Fyodor don't hate each other. There's nothing personal in their fights. It's Dazai wanting to fulfill Oda's last words and doing his job for the ADA, Fyodor is an enemy so he has to dispose of him. It's Fyodor wanting to achieve his goal, but Dazai is in his way so he has to eliminate him. They are rivals, sure, but they don't have the animosity sskk used to have.

It's all business. If Fyodor ever becomes like Verlaine, I doubt that Dazai will still kill him without a reason. If Dazai ever joins Fyodor's side, I don't think Fyodor will kill him either unless given a reason.

In fact, it looks like Fyodor doesn't even want to kill Dazai. Before you guys call me delusional, bear with me and read until the end, it will make sense. Of course, this is all speculation on my part.

In the Dead Apple, before Dazai merged with the dragon, Fyodor could have stopped him by dragging him down before he's high enough. Or he could stab him lethally to make sure he's dead and not rely on Shibusawa's poison. But he didn't. Fyodor just let everything play out as though he's testing Dazai. (And for entertainment)

In the alley scene, Fyodor knew Dazai would come for him and he ordered the sniper not to hit Dazai anywhere vital, but he didn't have to do that. Fyodor rationalized his action by saying that Dazai still had to tell the Armed Detective Agency about the fight against the Mafia. Did he need Dazai specifically to be his messenger though? He sent the Port Mafia a letter! Can't he do that for the ADA? Fyodor could have ordered his sniper to kill Dazai (Dazai still came anyway even knowing there's a sniper, he's suicidal like that lol or maybe he just knew Fyodor wouldn't kill him) and order someone to give the Agency the letter, but he didn't do that. Basically, they just exchanged information and Fyodor got Dazai out of the way, albeit temporarily, without killing him.

And then there's Meursault. Mushitaro said that Fyodor let himself get captured, although he looked genuinely shocked when Dazai caught him, and that may be because Dazai getting arrested was already planned from the moment Fyodor recruited Mushitaro.

Once again, getting Dazai out of the way without killing him, Fyodor planned to send him away from Yokohama. And so Dazai also let Jouno arrest him in order to get closer to Fyodor. But then, Nikolai came into the picture and started the prison break.

Now, if Fyodor really doesn't want to kill Dazai, then for what reason? It's simple. He wants Dazai to be his other half. And when he deemed Dazai unfit for it, after the whole prison break, he went to Atsushi.

-Their view of each other

Earlier, I mentioned how they view themselves, now it's how they view each other. Fyodor put Dazai on a pedestal and vice versa. Why? Because they view themselves as being different from the rest of society, but as the two outcasts who share a mutual understanding, they see each other as being the same kind. They said it time and again throughout the manga.

It's more apparent with Fyodor singling Dazai out of the world, but Dazai also regards him highly out of his every other enemy, because Fyodor is someone who can match him. Dazai's actively putting in effort and using everything he can (government, Port Mafia, The Guild, and even Sigma) to defeat Fyodor. They view each other as equals and don't treat each other as mere pawns. And that leads me to this next point.

-How they treat each other vs. how they treat others

Dazai treats Fyodor differently from the others. ie. Kunikida, Chuuya, Sigma, and Ango

Dazai has a habit of annoying his partners, withholding information, and manipulating them. He does it to Chuuya, Kunikida, and later on Sigma who he admits is a replacement for Kunikida. It's called the Dazai effect.

But he couldn't do that with Fyodor. Why? Because Fyodor is calm and rational like him, Dazai wouldn't be able to easily manipulate him. First, Fyodor wouldn't yell and punch him. Second, Fyodor would guess what information he's withholding rather than wait to be amazed or mad by it. That's literally their whole shtick. They would guess and anticipate the other's plan until they got surprised and then repeat. And third, unlike the rest who will still trust Dazai and even put their lives on the line for the sake of his plan, Dazai won't be able to just simply utilize Fyodor, as proven in the Dead Apple when Fyodor turned on him.

That's not to say fyozai don't get silly though. The prison arc is enough proof that they can. Their silliness is just on another level that others couldn't reach or understand. So to speak, Dazai is both more mature and childish when dealing with Fyodor. He's more natural and not putting on a happy-go-lucky mask.

Then there's Ango. Though he's not usually ship with Dazai, Ango and Fyodor have one similarity, that is that they both have a history with Dazai in the past. Unlike with Fyodor, we already knew what happened between Ango and Dazai, and even when they started talking again their friendship wasn't quite mended. What's interesting to compare here is their reunion. With Ango (and Mori in extension), we can still see a hint of hostility from Dazai, but there's none of that during the Dead Apple or the alley scene during the cannibalism arc with Fyodor. They're casual with each other. What can we take from that? That their previous meeting didn't end on a particularly bad note to warrant a resentment from Dazai.

Fyodor also treats Dazai differently from the others ie. Nikolai, Ivan, Shibusawa, Fukuzawa

Like Dazai, Fyodor is manipulative towards the people around him, whether they're allies or not. Fyodor always has control over the others, and as Dazai said, he can't trust those he cannot control, and that's why Fyodor has no real allies (compared to Dazai), they're just pawns for him to control. He manipulated everyone who ever got close to him (Shibusawa, Ivan, Nikolai, Fukuchi — to name a few) but there's an exception to that, because just as Dazai couldn't easily manipulate Fyodor, Fyodor also couldn't easily manipulate Dazai. And it works so well in their dynamic.

Now, on to his enemies. Fyodor has shown a lack of interest in his enemies, even the president of the ADA which is where Dazai currently belongs to, with the exception of Dazai and Atsushi. Although, Fyodor's interest in Atsushi has less to do with Atsushi himself, but to him being a bookmark, and that's what makes Atsushi and Dazai different. Because Dazai is not the bookmark, what makes him any different from Fukuzawa, who by all rights based on hierarchy should be the bigger fish? It's that Fyodor put Dazai on a pedestal. This also further proves my earlier claim of how they view each other.

Fyodor now thought that Dazai isn't fit to be his other half, but what happened when he went to Atsushi?

He's dissatisfied and disappointed because Atsushi didn't live up to his expectations and went on yapping about Dazai. And what can we take from that? It's that Fyodor wants Atsushi to surpass the standard Dazai set, especially since he houses the bookmark, to be his other half.

Why is fyozai a good ship?

-How they feel about one another

Do I need to say more? Really? Is that not good enough evidences?

Sounds familiar? If you're an MTP fan, it does. Fyozai is like a darker and doomed Sherliam.

-fyozai is NOT skk 4.0 or fyolai in a different flavor

As I stated above in their relationship, Fyozai is different from the rest of the ships. Of course, every ship has their own uniqueness to them. Soukoku with their unbreakable trust, Kunizai with their differing sense of justice and morality, Sigzai with their damsel in distress and knight in a criminal uniform, Dazaku with their codependency, Fyolai with their Judas theme, Shibufyo with their ghost bride shit etc etc. But the thing is, Fyodor and Dazai both treat each other differently than when they're with the rest. Dazai isn't constantly messing with Fyodor and Fyodor isn't controlling Dazai's moves. They stood on equal ground and planned each other’s downfall.

Also, Fyodor wants a challenge. Simply put, he's sick and tired of his monotonous life. Dazai's someone who can give him that and in return Fyodor can give Dazai a challenge to live for.

He smiled when he saw Dazai in prison!

Now, some might say “but they're toxic!" All of their respective ships are toxic tbh, but fyozai is actually good for each other because they bring out their humanity together, and like I stated above, they're both manipulators who can't manipulate each other easily. “But they tried to kill each other!" And so did the others. It's out of necessity and not because they hate each other. There is a reason why their ship is enemies and lovers duh.

-Their connection

Everyone likes to say that SKK understands each other, and while I admit that SKK matches each other perfectly (there's a reason why it's the most popular ship in the fandom), I hate to break it to you but fyozai is the one who truly understands each other. They relate to each other at a much deeper level; in their alienation from society, their shared intelligence, morality, and humanity.

“Living itself is the source of sin." — No Longer Human

This is a prime example of that. In Stormbringer, Chuuya hallucinated Dazai, and that Dazai was naturally created from his view of him in his mind. However, Chuuya didn't think the same way as Dazai and didn't agree with him, like he later on said. But you know who does?

Yes, everybody. It's your host Fyodor Dostoevsky!

“Dazai doesn't give a fuck about Fyodor!" you might say. But this point is still debatable due to a lack of POV from Dazai's side. However…

Dazai didn't look happy when Fyodor died. Like, his smile disappeared as soon as the helicopter moved, and then his expression went blank. Even his eye seem empty.

Then, if we based Dazai to Yozo from NLH, then he's someone who cannot love someone he cannot relate to. That's why he claims to hate Chuuya. Because Chuuya is so human.

Even if Dazai and Fyodor didn't spend years together, it's undeniable that they have a strong connection with each other. And that connection is also related to their abilities.

-Their abilities

No Longer Human

-Nullifies any ability with a touch

*Crime and Punishment

- The crime is killing Fyodor and the punishment is Fyodor taking over the killer's body

-In DA, Fyodor claims that he is Crime and his ability is Punishment, working side by side, however, in NLH Dazai supposes that Crime and Punishment are not synonymous, but antonymous. How will that work? We will put No Longer Human into the equation.

Punishment is not the result of crime, but the opposite of it. Fyodor's crime is living a long life as a consequence of the sin that's his ability, and so his punishment is death that can be granted by No Longer Human, releasing him from sin. However, there's another question that arises here. If death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it — the last part, the first part being birth — then what's the opposite of life? Well, I still don't have the answer to that other than non-existence. And if Fyodor dies he will cease to exist. Idk if I'm making sense. But that's it.

It's also possible that Fyodor wants Dazai to kill him in order for him to be at peace (aside from Atsushi who can tear through abilities with his claws, Dazai is the only one who can possibly kill Fyodor) and that may be part of the other half thing. It doesn't seem like Atsushi will kill Fyodor since from what we've seen they're still fighting the higher being two hours later. Unless, the higher being can move independently even if Fyodor's dead.

And Dazai will see that as courting! (Mentioned in the Dark Era about Gide 'courting' Oda) Also, Dazai started talking about double suicide after Oda died, so maybe he really doesn't want to die alone because it's lonely. If that's the case then a double suicide with Fyodor will satisfy the both of them.

And that's enough yapping from me. I won't call Fyozai underrated, but it definitely deserves more love and appreciation. I just wish that I did them justice with this analysis.

[elizais]

hi elizai!!!!!!!!!

okokok what about like chuuya and dazai r both dating 2 girls who are best friends?? can u do it from like two povs so like one set is if reader is dazais gf and the other is being chuuyas gf?? tysm tysm!! if u need help for a bsf name my go to is emi its short and japanese x

"girls just want to have fun!"

as above, and ty nonnie for the bsf name i do struggle w picking names!! mby read both sides because they will reference previous points!! and are fairly connected. warnings: mentions of alcohol but not explicit dividers by cafekitsune!!!!

chuuya:

-despite him not exactly being bestfriends with dazai, he will do anything for his girl. so he will put up when he has to bump into dazai when picking you up from wherever you two got yourselves in trouble.

-probably gets along with your bsf too, since you are so close he can find common interests with your friend. and he will sort dazai out too, especially if his gf told him about whatever shit dazai pulled the other day.

-doesn't understand how him and dazai end up in this predicament. and if you both are civilians too,, what are the odds?

-i'm kind of seeing you both becoming friends after chuuya and dazai get into an argument in the middle of yokohama and try to drag them away from each other. you both probably exchange numbers so you can schedule around it happening since it was so hellish.

-then you become friends and dazai and chuuya are dragging their respective gfs away from each other so they can hang out with them.

"doll?" he called out from the entrance of the bar, his girlfriend was chatting away in a table he had not spotted yet. dazai followed, not noticing chuuya, also looking for his girlfriend.

"mackerel.. what are you doing here?" chuuya growls, looking around for her. "someone's not a happy bunny!" dazai chimes sarcastically. dazai carries on, "i'm looking for 'bella. you?"

"i'm looking for doll." he simply states, dazai gasps in realization. "have they.. become friends?"

chuuya looks at dazai, rolling his eyes. he chooses not to respond, happy his girlfriend and her friend were so close. although that will mean more run ins with dazai.

"there they are! you must have not seen them, the people in here are average height. don't beat yourself up over it, chuuya!" dazai remarks, rushing over to the pair of girls so chuuya doesn't yell.

dazai:

-he is not as happy as chuuya. chuuya isn't happy about it either but dazai whines about having to see "the slug" constantly. maybe slap him round the back of his head when he complains?

-when you and your friend go out to the bar, he tries to get there slightly after chuuya because he knows chuuya will take the tab.

-when your friend comes to your place, before you promptly kick dazai out for a girls evening, he asks her things such as "i know chuuya's pay is good, but how much does mori pay you to put up with him?"

-when he is finally kicked out for girls night, he will never admit it but he and chuuya just stay at the other's place depending on which girlfriend is hosting. they think you don't know but you both definitely do.

-if you and your friend both work for different organisations, there is sooo much gossip shared.

-i also just think that dazai will eventually not care too much that you guys are friends, yeah he would much rather it be kunikida or something to bother kunikida more but it is what it is.

[caldera1000-7]

I'll probably add more onto this when I can write more. For now I'll dump these maybe along with some basic thoughts before I write a long analysis a few hours from now.

To sum up a thought instead of my upcoming dump-analysis and random theorizing. This reason could be Akutagawa seeing a value in a life which isn't his own. In beast we see him trying to teach those who killed his friends the value of a life through killing them, and eventually even lost his own way and hadn't noticed how he basically didn't show how to value his sisters life or his own with his recklessness until it was too late. And here we may get the answer would be throughout everything he may of seen a value in Atsushi's life, a life other than his own. Someone similar to him but so different, the other side of the coin. I can't describe properly right now but I had a random thought before on how this shows Akutagawa kind of saving himself or past self in a way but differently from when he said he was glad for Kyouka but thats for next time where I write more.

Earlier than this we see Dazai saying he knows why.

Throughout this series its obvious how much they both grew from each other and how their bonds shifted, beast gave me even more insight into how they would be as friends even (atsushi and akutagawa that is.) And them being the successful soukoku is something I enjoy a lot, from Mori and Fukuzawa which are black and white and completely don't see eye to eye or can be a working team, to Dazai and Chuuya who were forced to work together for their capabilities despite not getting along but they are there for eachother when things depend on it as comrades, then theres Akutagawa and Atsushi Yin and Yang - even their designs are showing how they all are so different and how they would work together or not. SSKK balances each other out, (I still don't think SSKK is a good name for their Yin and Yang relation.) But anyways, these two have so much development its amazing.

I know there are many theories surrounding Akutagawa currently with his memory loss etc. But over here he technically is saving/protecting a "commoner" or the "innocent" just as Knight Akutagawa says. And he as a character if you look back has always been a bit of a protector, as we know with his now deceased friends in the slums. Not to mention Rashomon is not just offensive but defensive, which can kind of show how it protects himself and could protect others - just another thought.

Akutagawa's death definitely influenced/impacted/affected Atsushi alot, not even in a shipping POV but as a canon appreciator and theorist/overanalyst I have to say this scene is one of my favourites. And Akutagawa gaining some (or all I am not sure as of now) of his memories after this MAKES SENSE! Because Akutagawa literally has been trying to kill atsushi for so long, their promise was even for him not to kill anyone for 6 months before the death battle with Atsushi (which I kinda hope still happens and ends like how beast's battle between them ended kind of.) And it is a big impactful thing to Akutagawa because this was a moment where he sacrificed himself, for someone who had most of his things being wants and obtaining that wanted goal which stems from selfishness (which atsushi similarily has) this was a selfless act for protecting someone, someone who has become worthy of being saved? Someone who just deserves to live because he now fully understands the value of others' lives? Of course Akutagawa would "wake up" after Atsushi sacrificed himself and said the same words he did since its quite a big deal to his whole character. Also an honerable mention to 55 minutes?! I will make a separate thing on random thoughts of Akutagawa and Rashomon at some point about the cutting through space - or rather how he manages to retain consciousness or memories despite certain things or losing them. Maybe the things that impact him impact him that much that it sticks no matter what. In 55 minutes when he was dying in flames after searching for Higuchi and having his moment of last words - when the time is reversed we see he still remembered the exact time of the disaster, and himself burning he remembers, he also made sure to check up on Higuchi near around that time too so he remembered quite a lot for someone who died and wasn't supposed to have ANY memory of something that never HAPPENED YET. Yet he retained some of it, and VAMPIRE Aku also had some of his consciousness as Atsushi spoke or when he SAVED/SPARED Aya. (Also random noting that the vapirism had no affect on Atsushi.) Aku still kept his promise like the man of honor he is, and this even shows how he'd still protect a child and have moments of memory despite being a vampire who is supposed to only take orders and be mindless like a DOG which Aku HAS been to the mafia but an uncontrollable one too. So what I see is that he really does have something going on with memories and how things personally impacting him plays a huge role in his character and character development which is obvious because Dazai...

[sugarfluffandallthatgoodstuff]

Through a clearer lens

Chuuya x idol!reader

5154 words

Y/N’s pov

Working for the port mafia isn’t easy.

Especially when you are in show biz as an idol and in love with your superiors

And the one you are hopelessly crushing on is perfect in every way, and you aren’t 

What good am I if I don’t even do the same level of work as everyone else?

What does the boss see in me? All I do is dress in short skirts and heels to dance around, give my best fake smile, and sing for people, hoping to make them happy as I stand near the back of the formation, knowing I’ll never be good enough to be the face of our group.

Sure, my ability is terrifying in its power, but what good is it if all I do is hurt people and can only safely use it to perform and project the image of a joyful star on them?

How could I ever be good enough? Sure, I’m the tallest in our group at 5’6”, but I’m also the fattest at 115 lbs and the youngest at 19 years old.

I’m just standing outside the doors that separate me from the boss as I go in for my monthly check-in with him about what I’ve acquired from being an idol of other groups and what I can tell him about them.

As I stand there contemplating opening the door and doing what I must or making the risky decision to leave my boss high and dry since I have nothing of use to contribute this time, I hear a voice behind me. 

“Are you just going to stand there all day, or will you go in?”

I turn around to find the source of the voice and nearly faint seeing Chuuya fucking Nakahara standing about 7 feet behind me. 

“Well?”

I put on my best performance smile like he didn’t almost make me jump so high I could’ve hit the ceiling and looked at him.

“My apologies, Mr.Nakahara. If you have business with the urgent boss, you are welcome to go in front of me.”

He looked at me exasperated.

“You’ve been standing there for 30 minutes.”

Fuck I think he saw through me.

“Really?! I must have forgotten the time again. You can go in front of me if you’d like!” I say, trying to lay on the performance thicker

“I’d go in if I were you because making the boss wait will have consequences for you,” he said, looking done with me and my shit. 

Did I mention I had a crush on Chuuya?

“No, really, Mr.Nakahara, it’s nothing I don’t mind! I know you’re an executive, so your business will be more important than mine,” I said, smiling at him, using as much charm as I could to buy myself time. 

“You know what fuck this” and he breezes past me, and I think I won.

Haha

Wrong

He fucking breezed past me and smoothly grabbed me by the back of my collar and drag me in in there himself.

“H-hey, what are you doing!?” I say as I try to break myself free from his grasp

“If you’re not going to do it yourself, I’ll make you do it.”

“N-no, really it’s fine, don’t worry about it-ack!”

He stops long enough not to choke me, and I take that chance to yank my collar out and run the other way.

But I’m not fast enough as he’s already back next to me, sweeping my legs out from underneath me.

I fell straight on my ass and was now staring up at the ceiling, confused as to what the hell just happened, and he came back into view. 

“You’ve got some nerve to defy orders, don’t you, missy”

“I’m sorry I didn’t try to make you mad. I just wanted to be polite and let you go first!”

He just sighs at me and holds his hand out for me to take 

“How about this: we go in together, and you don’t escape again, or you face the consequences from me, got it?”

“F-fine, but I can get up myself. I don’t want to pull you down with me accidentally.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” He says, looking at me like I’ve grown three more heads

“I’m kind of heavy and don’t want to strain you, sir, b-but don’t worry, I’m working on losing weight!”

“I was just dragging your ass, and you’re super light. What the hell are you on about?”

Fuck he’s going to see right through me.

“You shouldn’t be ashamed about your weight. I find tiger stripes on women's bodies attractive.”

AYO, WHAT?? HAS HE NEVER HEARD OF IDOL BEAUTY STANDARDS?!

“Wait, what did you say?”

“Well I’ve seen your music videos and always thought you had c-cute chubby cheeks and attractive tiger stripes. You shouldn’t be ashamed, and it’s your body.” he muttered looking pretty sheepish and was…blushing?

“B-but the idol industry is super strict about what an idol is supposed to look like and weigh! I’m at least 15lbs overweight for idol standards!”

“HOW MUCH DO YOU EVEN WEIGH?!”

“…115lbs…”

“Aren’t you like 5’6 ?!”

“Yeah, so?

“Bitch that’s normal weight. What are you on about??”

“My manager said I had to lose weight because I was starting to look fat. He also said I need to either get a boob job or start B-Vitality to make my boobs bigger.”

“What the fuck?! How old even are you kid?!.” he looked both mortified and disgusted 

“What?!”

“I asked how old you are”

“Oh I’m 19 sir”

He took a breath and adjusted himself 

“Why don’t you just quit then?”

“w-what?!”

“I said you should just quit. It doesn’t seem to be doing you any favors”

“I don’t think that’s the problem since I do love performing and love being in my current group

“That’s why I was going to meet with the boss today. To ask if I could use some of my idol earnings to get a boob job to be good enough for my manager finally.”

“Are you crazy?An invasive and potentially life-threatening surgery? And for what?”

“To be prettier and more eye-catching to make a better performance! I don't expect you to understand, which is fine because you’re already gorgeous and perfect!”

There was a moment of dead silence. Like the room had the life sucked out of it. 

He looked me in the eyes and could probably see the black stars that now occupied where my normal pupils were 

I knew this because I could see myself in his glossy aquamarine eyes.

I stood up from where I had been sitting. 

“I’m sorry for burdening you with my problems, Mr.Nakahara. I sh-should go now.” I started to walk away do something I regretted

“And just where do you think you’re going L/N?” he said grabbing my wrist with his gloved hand

“It’s not your place to know and I’d rather keep you out of it” I said trying to release my wrist from his grasp but I couldn’t 

“I’m not letting you go until you tell the boss what you told me”

“And what’s it to you? If it’s really that pressing you could just tell him yourself. Besides it’s not like it effects you at all” I said trying to now yank my wrist from his grasp

He gripped my wrist tighter and yanked me closer to him so his face was inches from mine 

“It is my business if a subordinate of mine is about to become a second Dazai because of a spiral. I don’t need another suicidal maniac on my hands” 

“It won’t go that far! I just know that I have to be good enough in order to justify me being here on the boss’s payroll and in anyone’s presence! Now let me go before you get roped into this shit too”

Chuuya looked at me in shock and horror as I yanked harder more determined than ever to just get the boss to justify plastic surgery in order to get the port mafia more money and potentially other assets as well

“Yeah no now I know I’m going in there with you” he said as he just started dragging me back to the giant doors where we knew the boss was behind

I have to do something I just know it 

“I’m sorry Mr.Nakahara” I said as I swept his leg 

“OW WHAT THE FUCK”

I started running in other direction when he suddenly caught up to me 

And I heard 2 words that sent a chill down my spine as his hand made contact with my back

“Gravity manipulation”

And suddenly I was on the ground unable to move struggling to fight his ability now as I heard him crouch beside me 

“Unwise move L/N now I have to punish you for directly disobeying an executive”

Surely he didn’t have the authority to kill or maim me right? I don’t think the boss would be very happy about that 

“Relax I’m not going to hurt you in anyway just gonna…make you squirm a little” I swear I think he smiled at that last part

As I struggled against his ability and tried to get away I suddenly was aware of a gloved hand creeping up the front of my shirt and settling right on the side of my belly button

My eyes went wide as I looked up at him in horror 

“W-w-wait I can’t have any bruises or my career is over!”

“What part of ‘I’m not going to hurt you’ did you not understand? Unless you’re trying to get on my nerves”

“N-n-no sir just trying to get on my way and be out of your hair!” I said straining now to get out of his reach 

“No. you’re not going to just weasel your way out of this one sweetheart”

And I didn’t even have time to fire back a good retort before his fingers dug into my midsection and in my (futile) attempt to hold back my laughter I let out a squeak that would make a mouse envious

“Man I should have expected this given how much of a stubborn ass you are rumored to be in enemy interrogations ”

I have to hold my ground or else he’ll find out my weakness

Unless

He’s already found it 

“Well then I guess I can’t be as nice as I was planning on being now can I?”

He then flips me over so now I’m on my back and making direct eye contact with my arms to my chest elbows covering down my ribs 

And then I remember gravity is only up and down not side to side 

So I lengthen my fingers and try to compress myself so he can’t see my face 

“ oh no you don’t” 

AND CHUUYA THE BASTARD PUTS MY ARMS ABOVE MY HEAD

SHIT 

“That’s better. Actually come to think of it you’re awfully quiet, looks like that’s next”

And suddenly he’s straddling me hands on my sides

“W-wait M-mr.Nakahara isn’t this like super unprofessional?!”

“I think you think I give a damn about that shit, and I don’t”

He lifts my shirt up to my bra and I feel the cold air around us hit my now exposed tummy

“Damn you’re skinnier than you let on”

“I’m still not- pfff ahahaha wahaihait nohoho stahahahap” 

He had cut me off by tickling my sides

“That’s a much better sound don’t you think L/N? Instead of you yapping about some non-existent fat and other shit”

“pleaahehehehehese nohhohoo leheehet me gohohoho”

“Hell no I want to see if you can laugh louder and I’m not gonna stop until I’m satisfied”

He then moves his hands to the center of my tummy 

“Pleahehehehehese ihihih’m gohohona behehe lahahahahahate”

“I’m sure he’ll understand since you directly disobeyed an executive. Now tell me Y/N where else are you ticklish? If you tell me I might go easy on you”

Probably shouldn’t have tried to hide my blushing face when he said the acursed t-word because I think that finally clued him in to that being my weakness

“Wait did you just try to hide when I said ‘ticklish’? 

Goddamnit the jig is up

“Nohohoo”

“Lying too?! Wow you are quite brave for the position you’re currently in, oh well guess I’ll have to start exploring”

He moves his wiggling fingers to my poor ribs and at least that spot isn’t as ticklish as my tummy 

“Jeez you could at least laugh a bit more, but i guess I’m not getting the right tickle spot am I”

And him being the sadistic (hot) bastard he is he moves up to my armpits and I can’t hold it anymore 

“WAHAHAHAAHHAHAIT NOHOHOHOHOHT THEHEHEHEHERE PLEAHEHEHEHEHEHEHESE”

“There it is, now tell me why is it that you won’t tell the boss what you told me?”

“NOHOOHHOOO HE CAHAHAHAHAN’T KNOHOHOHOHOW”

“Perhaps you misheard me, WHY won’t you tell the boss”

“I TOHOHOHHOLD YOU HEHEHE JUHUHUHUST CAHAHAN’T”

“Guess I’m gonna have to try something else since you won’t talk” 

“BUHUHUHUT I DIHIHIHID I SWEAHAHAHAR”

“Nice try but you didn’t, and don’t dodge the question”

Suddenly his hands dart to my hips and he’s alternating between squeezing and scribbling

“PLEAHEHEHEHEEHEHASE NOHOHOHHOHOT THERE NOHOHOT THERE PLEAHEHEHEESE”

“Ooh someone’s ticklish here how cute”

Damn him and his suave words

Maybe if i hold in my laugh I can pass out 

I bite onto my shirt in an attempt to maintain some semblance of sanity 

But he’s not having any of that

“Still trying to hold on huh? Must be a big secret if you’re literally trying to bite your tongue, or are you just flustered because you’re embarrassed that some tickling is going to break you?

Fuck he’s reading me like a book, and if it weren’t for his stupid ability I’d have broken free already and ran

“If you think I’m going to let you go soon without getting what I want then you’re an idiot”

He then switches methods again PUTTING A HAND ON MY CHEEK AND HE MOVED MY HEAD TO LOOK INTO HIS EYES AGAIN AAAAAAAAAAA

And while making eye contact he smiles at me evilly and he tickles my tummy again

“Much better, now’s your chance to talk Y/N if you tell me the truth I can make it stop and I won’t tell the boss your little weakness. Here I’ll even let you catch your breath”

“I’m sorry Mr.Nakahara I can’t tell you that but I can tell you that you should stop before you see the rest of my gross ass un-covered body like my armpits that havent’t been shaved in 6 hours not to mention my fat ass hips- WAHAHAAIT I WAHAHAHAHAASN’T DOHHOHOHONE”

“Well it seems like you don’t want to talk so I guess I’ll have to keep going”

And what does he do?

That’s right he pulled my pants down to the panty line to see the gross ass hips that  gotta lose fat from

“All i see is bone what are you talking about” and he shrugs then starts tickling my poor hips again

“Damn you’re way more ticklish here than I originally thought and do you charge fans for these laughs because if they heard them I’m sure people would be showering you in money”

“YOU’RE TAHAHAHALKING LIHIHIKE DAHAHAZAHAHAI SHUHHUHUHUT UHUHUHP”

“HUH?! ME LIKE THAT SUICIDAL ASS?! HELL NO NOW YOU’VE DONE IT MISSY”

GOT HIM

And then he takes off my shoes and socks 

“THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR COMPARING ME TO DAZAI YOU LITTLE TICKLISH ASS” and he digs into the arch of my foot as he says that

“WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAIT IHIHIHHIHIHI’M SOHOHOHHOHOHORY PLEAHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEEHHEEHESE NOHOHOHHOHO MOHOHHOORE IHIHHIHIHI’L BEHEHEEHEHE GOHOHOOD JUHUHUHUHHUST MAHAHAAHKE IT STAHAHAHAHAHAHAP”

“That’s more like it, I guess you can see reason after all”

I tried looking away because I was ashamed at caving so fast and my face definitely showed my embarrassment 

“Now why is it that you won’t tell the boss? What was so bad that it took me tickling you for 15 minutes straight to choke out of you huh?”

He releases his ability and pulls me into a sitting position and cradles my cheek 

“I didn’t want him to say no to what I needed from him if I told him then he would absolutely say no”

“And what is it you wanted from him?”

“For him to approve me getting a tummy tuck, BBL, and boobjob since my managers are unhappy with how I look and I am too I guess. Not to mention my managers are pushing me to do it, something about less brands want partnerships because of their weakest link and fans aren’t buying as much merch” I say as I gently guide his wrist away from my face and look down in shame

He pulls me into a kind of awkward hug 

“Trust me when I say you don’t need that shit because then you’ll look like some gross ass alien and not a person”

“I don’t mean to be rude Mr.Nakahara but I really should go see the boss now since I’m pretty sure I’m late now”

“You do realize it’s fine if you call me by my first name right?”

“A-are you s-sure? It feels wrong since you’re my superior”

“Yeah it’s fine”

“Ok then Chuuya”

“Now let’s go and I swear to god if you make one self deprecating joke or statement I’ll strap every limb and extremity down and I’ll tickle you again until you piss yourself and forget your name”

“Yes Chuuya”

So he drags me to the boss’s door by my collar again and kicks those giant ornate doors open

“Hello Chuuya, I see you’ve brought L/N”

“I believe there’s something I have to tell you that I have just learned about Y/N here about her plans to get a bunch of cosmetic surgery”

“I-in my defense sir it’s necessary to further my career as an idol because the managers aren’t happy with my recent ratings and they also at some point said something about botox or something to make me not look 30 and more my age”

“Interesting that something like that would be proposed to someone so young you’re how old again Ms.L/N?”

“19 sir”

“Oh that’s far too young for cosmetic plastic surgery”

“Wait till you see the twitter comments, they disagree with that statement, and I’ll be honest their critiques make sense”

“Oh? X? And how many of these comments are there?”

“Hundreds at least maybe even thousands”

“And you really believe them?”

“Duh especially since it’s clearly outlined in photos”

“And by that I mean-”

“That’s quite enough Ms.L/N, and to answer your question you are not going to get surgery”

“Boss with all do respect I-” I was cut off by the sound of a throat clearing

“My apologies boss for the interruption but I have an important message to deliver” Hirotsu said approaching our weird little trio with Chuuya still holding me by the back of my shirt

“Oh? And what is this important message that you had involve everyone in this room Hirotsu?”

“Again my apologies, a long time enemy of the Port Mafia is on the move and I have information regarding it that I figured you’d want to see”

“While that is most intriguing I have something else quite important I’m currently attending to, you may go now Hirotsu” and with that Hirotsu came up to the Boss and gave him the envelope in question and was on his way

“As for you ms.L/N given the requests you have brought before me as your doctor I am concerned, involving your interest in the body modifications you want.”

“With all do respect boss what are you talking about? Wanting to be perfect shouldn’t make you concerned” I said trying to at least make him see my side

At that moment I became hyperaware of the fact that I was still being held by the back of my shirt like a kitten being held by its mother and I glanced momentarily to see a very bored(?) Chuuya looking off to the side

At least that’s what I saw because of the angle I had to look from. 

However that was not the case. 

“Ok. I understand. We can begin the procedure now if you’d like”

I look at the boss, flabbergasted. Chuuya looks at him, as if the boss figured out the cure to gaining bitches.

“I’m sorry, what in the actual fuck are you saying? SHE IS 19 FOR CHRIST SAKE SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT SHE REALLY WANTS AND IS BEING MANIPULATED ”

“Oh and you do!? You don’t even know me! So just let me go and do this so I can finally be good enough!”

He looks down at me and uses his other hand to adjust my gaze so it’s directed at him

“I thought our heart to heart earlier was pretty clear about you not going through with those…procedures as well as telling the boss about the other thing”

“No absolutely not! He can’t know! Also put me down your arms are going to get tired!”

“Well if you’re going to be a stubborn jackass about this I guess I’m gonna have to take matters into my own hands” and before he lets go of my shirt he utters those 2 godforsaken words again”

“Gravity manipulation”

And I get launched into the ground unable to get up or move and he takes a few steps forward

“Boss Ms.L/N is hiding something else from you that I got out of her earlier” Chuuya said looking back at me smirking

“No wait Chuuya I-” I tried to reach forward but my arm slammed down because of his ability

“Too late for that sweetheart, you had your chance”

“Interesting, I don’t recall Ms.L/N ever lying to me or omitting anything” the boss said to Chuuya while strangely looking directly at me with this weird grin on his face

“She told me that her managers are pressuring her into this surgery and using data and other’s feelings to sway her in their interest and convince her” Chuuya said looking back at the boss

“Very interesting indeed. Perhaps they forget that they don’t own her or really understand the spider’s web they’re crawling towards and that they should keep their hands off” the boss pondered now looking in my direction 

“I couldn’t agree more with you boss. Perhaps they need a warning shot to underfstand not to mess with the port mafia” 

And before I could catch myself I did something crazy

I spoke out against the boss

“Wait this could jeopardize my whole career and send the military police after the port mafia we can’t be hasty with that! The entertainment industry is ruthless!”

“I guess the only solution then is for you not to and switch agencies”

“They own my likeness boss! I can’t”

“Well then, guess someone is going to have to mysteriously disappear, I will get Hirotsu to look into the talent agency she works for, and you can deal with building a spine in Ms.L/N”

“Sounds good to me boss”

“Now I believe our meeting shall adjourn here as I have new matters to attend to”

“Alright pipsqueak you’re coming with me” Chuuya was now grabbing the back of my shirt again and this time I felt weightless and now unable to freely anchor myself

“Who are you calling pipsqueak?!? I’m like 3 inches taller than you! If anything you’re the pipsqueak!” I immediately covered my mouth 

“OH NOW YOU’VE DONE IT YOU CHEEKY PIECE OF SHIT”

Uh oh

“WAIT WAIT IM SORRY I DIDN’T MEAN TO SAY THAT!”

He suddenly adjusted his ability (somehow without using words?!?!?!) and suddenly I was on the ground sprawled out just like earlier

“SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT BEFORE YOU SPOKE THEN”

“WAIT WAIT I’M SHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHRY I DIHIHIHIIDN’T MEHEHEHEHEAN IT HAHAHAHAHAHA” and of course the place he started was my hips

“Not to mention you violated our deal so I had to punish you anyway”

Time skiiiiiiiip

I sat on my bed staring at the sky after the strange ordeal which I’m still convinced wasn’t real

Suddenly I’m greeted with footsteps approaching my door and my door subsequently slamming open with a folder thrown on to me (didn’t help that it was super heavy)

“OW why?!?!”

“Fixed your shit manager problem”

“Chuuya do you understand the implications here?!?!”

“Yes I do but maybe you should read first”

I opened the folder and saw my awful manager dead in a warehouse with Gin curb stomping his head which was looking towards the camera and the next one was of his body with the next page being a print out of an article saying “Dango Productions President found dead after drug deal gone wrong” 

“How the hell did you orchestrate this?!?”

*hello it is I, Emily. From here to who knows when I will be writing this part of the fic. Thank youuuu*

"I had some help, help from others" he begins to walk towards a large door. "I had help from the outside" he opens the door and I see two people, both have purple hair but on is wearing a demon costume and another is wearing a beige sweater

"wait... YOU"

"heeey i thought you said that this was going to be a fun surprise. I thought she would remember me by now... her old co workers"

"wait, RAFAYEL??"

"yep and this is another con artist friend of mine"

Chuuys gives them a hand signal, motioning them to leave. BUT THEY JUST GOT HERE COME BACK POOKIE. 

Chuuya looks at me and chuckles to himself. 

“Don’t you see Y/N? We won. I won. This whole plan was for you! FOR YOU. And you have the nerve, the AUDACITY to hit me, to call me short?. You know I could’ve killed you at any moment, right? RIGHT??! ANSWER ME DAMNIT”

I look at the man in front of me and shake in fear. From one moment, he was just a funny guy with a very silly hat, but now I am not so sure. 

Even when I try to answer him, my voice is nothing but a whisper.

“I-I-I just wanted a surgery to become a better idol.”

“FUCK OFF WITH THE IDOL BULLCRAP Y/N” Chuuya throws a small flower vase. “I SWEAR IF YOU SAY ONE FUCKING NEGATIVE THING ABOUT YOURSELF IM GOING TO FUCK YOU UP SO HARD YOU WISHED YOU DIDN’T EVEN THINK ABOUT THE GOD DAMN SURGERY, YOU UNDERSTAND?”

*ayo… chat… why was that kinda… hawt* ahem ANYWAY

“Is that a threat or an invitation?” I say, walking backwards. I hit a wall and now im being trapped. Just then, Chuuya slams his hand on the wall, very close to my face. 

AYO AYO THIS IS A FAMILY SHOW… OR IS IT AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

He lifts my chin and gives me a strong passionate kiss. I gasp, not being able to process what happened. I clench my hands into fists. 

“Why are you resisting? Why are you resisting the love you so clearly deserve?”

I gasp at his words. He grabs me, but harder. I try to push his away but I end up melting in his embrace. Without thinking I have my hands around his hair. He smiles and his lips go from mine to my neck and through my body. I let out a small gasp. 

“Wait, wait. I don’t think this is…”

He looks at me, but with desire. 

“Y/N, I want you to love your body the way I do. I love the way you dress, but your clothes are better off here” 

He proceeds to unbutton my top. One by one. I try to stop him, but by the time I grab his hands my entire top is off. I put my hands on my face, embarrassed by my appearance. My insecurities are on full display and with the person I love so dearly. 

“What is to be embarrassed of, my love? Your body is like a temple. And it should be explored”

I mess with his hair for a little before kissing him more. He lifts me up and roughly slams me to the table, where we continued make out. He unzips his pants and releases… the lightsaber. 

He looks at my reaction. He takes my hands and I begin to touch it. I gasp in fear as the hand motions get faster and faster. And before I know it

*AHAHAHAHA HE CAME. WHAT A SIMP*

I am now traumatized. I quickly take my shirt and button it up quickly before he unbuttons it. 

“I do not like what I see. Do you have any idea what it is like to look at yourself and wonder if you are enough? All my life, I have been told I am beautiful by people who treat me like I am ugly. My old producer… he… did something terrible to me. I can never look at my body without seeing the scars.”

Chuuya takes off his jacket and puts it around me. “Then we shall heal those scars, together. No matter how long it takes. But Y/N,” he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “I love every part of you. And I hope you will soon”

I cry while giving him a hug. He pats my back, trying to calm me down. 

He pulls me in closer and puts his chin on my head as I begin to lose control of my own emotions and just break down in his arms 

I fight in his arms to regain control of my emotions and my composure to pull away from his warm and tempting embrace and almost succeed in doing so

When I feel a sudden dig at my rib and suddenly my face is BURIED IN HIS CHEST 

“I would think you’d get the hint but I guess not” and he cups my face with one hand and slides his hand to push my chin up 

Its not long but we made eye contact long enough for me to try and break free from his grasp again

“There isn’t a reason to be ashamed of any part of yourself.” and he pulls me back to his chest

“After all there is one more thing I have to take care of since you’ve deliberately defied me so many times. I’m sure you remember our earlier conversation”

“W-wait Ch-Chuuya w-we can t-talk about this r-right?!” 

“No”

And he sure did keep his promise because that night I had to change my whole ass mattress and replace my sheets and comforter because of him.

And that, unbeknownst to me, was the beginning of our love story. 

[asofspades]

I've seen a lot of people trying to get into the BSD light Novels and quite frankly you can read them in order but I do have a recommendation about the order I think makes more sense chronologically regarding the story.

So:

1. LN 3. The Untold Origins of the Armed Detective Agency.

2. LN 1. Osamu Dazai's Entrance Exam.

These two take place prior to the beginning of the main timeline and are actually a great way of understanding Ranpo and the partnership between Dazai and Kunikida (also recommend LN 1 to anime only watchers because they mixed the first chapters of the manga with Dazai's entrance exam which takes place 2 years prior to the manga and they royally screwed up on Kunikida's characterisation by doing that)

3. LN 7. Dazai, Chuuya, Age Fifteen

(the manga was good but I feel like you might understand Dazai and Chūya's dynamic and the difference of their relationship to both Mori and the Mafia once you read this)

4. LN 8. Stormbringer

(you might actually understand Chūya as a character after you read this one, dives a bit deeper into his relationship with Dazai, explains who Verlaine actually is and talks about stuff that's mentioned afterwards in the manga, like singularities)

5. LN 9. The Day I Picked up Dazai side A

(this happens at some point between LN 7 and LN 2, and helps you understand Dazai and Oda's relationship prior to reading LN 2, how Oda ended up in the Mafia and also a bit more dive into Dazai's character)

6. LN 2. Osamu Dazai and The Dark Era

(better than shown in the anime, allows you to see how Oda sees Dazai since it's written from his pov, a good dive into Dazai's character while in the mafia and why he actually left )

Once you finish The Guild arc

7. LN 4. 55 Minutes

8. LN 5. Dead Apple

(so, the first one is a bit crazy but actually dives a lot into Atsushi's character, explains weird phenomena in BSD regarding singularities and how Dazai isn't affected by certain abilities even without touch, how Yosano can actually use her ability on Dazai and I find it quite interesting, HG Wells is an interesting character as well)

(Dead Apple is entertaining and dives once again into characters and their abilities but also explains weird singularities again, also the bond between Dazai and Chūya, it also gets a bit weird towards the end in regards to things happening that might be hard to understand but the rest is easier to understand than in the movie adaptation)

9. LN 9. The Day I Picked up Dazai side B

(it's set in the alternate universe of LN 6. Beast and a great point to understand Dazai's actions and motivations in said light novel)

10. LN 6. Beast

(it should come with a warning that it's going to ruin your mental health for a while, an alternate universe of BSD, brings in the Book so you might one to read this during/after the cannibalism arc because it kind of explains a bit what the book does or how it kind of works, definitely needs a bit more explaining but it is good info before starting with the vampirism arc and all that stuff, the book is important and there's talk about singularities again. It's also cool to see how the same characters adapt to a different lifestyle, Akutagawa in the ADA, Atsushi in the PM, kyouka in the PM but with Atsushi, Dazai if he stayed in the PM, the ending will fully rip your heart out if the rest of the novel hasn't done it before that and I really recommend the manga adaptation of it because the art style is *chef's kiss* and heart wrenching)

Done with my rant now, you can still read them in their publishing order this is just my recommendation. Also, LN 9 is not out on paper yet and I think we only have fan translations online but it is definitely worth it, @popopretty has a really good translation of it.

And LN 7 is getting a manga adaptation which is also looking really good so you can check it out.

LN 5 has a manga adaptation as well as being a film and this one is not written by Asagiri but is still canon so you have that.

[animeprincessforever]

Brother Dazai X Reader X Chuuya

Why Him?

YOUR POV:

I’ve been in the port mafia since I was 12 I’m a nurse but I have an ability. You see my ability was creation my ability gives me the power to create any non-living material/object from my exposed skin by transforming the molecular structure of my body fat cells and turning it into something. It comes in handy I guess. But I’ve always found it useless. So I love being a nurse for the Port Mafia. However Mr.Mori appreciates it cause I can create replacements of certain valuables and usually by the time people find out it’s a fake it’s too late. I’ve hated my ability cause it always makes me hungry. I eat up to 10 meals a day when I use my ability. Today was one of those days. I had used it to make new communication devices. When me and my brother were summoned to the boss Dazai carried me into the room as I was exhausted. Mori said “Ah, Dazai,  (Y/n)  there’s someone I want you to meet. Chuuya Nakahara. He is the leader of the sheep.” Dazai said “you’re the punk kid from earlier! Very short!” Chuuya said “I’m still growing! And I’m not the leader of the sheep I just have a good card up my sleeve.” As they bickered I asked “Mr.Mori, with all do respect I don’t understand why I’m here. I’m useless. So why am I here.” Ougai replied “you are very useful. Now Dazai and Chuuya you too are going to go on a little mission. (Y/n) please step out your job is separate.” I bowed “yes master.”

Time Skip

When I was summoned by Mr Mori I passed my brother and gave him a hug “be safe and careful brother. I love you.” Dazai smiled and patted my head “you should know by now that no one stands against me.” I smiled “I know” I turned to Chuuya “thank you please look out for each other. Chuuya thank you for your service even if you didn’t have a choice.” I bowed and walked in. Mori said “I would like you to be close by with your tools. Just in case. I have a feeling once the sheep find out they might attack Chuuya. So then he’d join the port.” I nodded “as you wish boss.” He smiled “very well you may be excused.” I then made my way out and waited for my brother’s safe return.

Time Skip

As I went to the spot I was told to meet my brother I watch Chuuya was stabbed and I saw him hiding on the ledge near water. I was with my brother now and Chuuya said “don’t kill the children.” Dazai smirked “as we discussed the children will remained unharmed.” Chuuya huffed as he mumbled “bastard planned it” as my brother and the men left I went over to Chuuya. “What do you want?” He barked and I said “let me help you please.” He mumbled “fine.” So I got to work I brought out my medical box and put gloves on. I removed his jacket and shirt then I removed the knife slowly and put it in a bag. I pulled out some needles and said “these may hurt a bit but it’s going to remove the poison.” As I gave him the shot I bandaged him up. “Here I hope this helps.” I then grabbed a blanket and draped it around him. “To keep you covered I’ll clean your clothes. Now please follow me.” As I got into the limo with him he said “are you really related to that suicidal maniac?” I giggled “oh you mean my brother Dazai. Ya… I know he is a handful but I appreciate you looking out for him!” I said with a smile. Since that day we formed a relationship.

Time Skip

A year later we became boyfriend and girlfriend. However, my brother wasn’t to pleased when I told him he said “why?!?! Oh why?! (Y/n)! Why did you pick Chuuya?! Why him?!” I giggled “love works in mysterious ways” I said with a smile. Dazai said “you know there are taller and more better looking guys out there right?” As he said that Chuuya overheard and like usual they argued

Chuuya-at least I’m not a suicidal manic!

Dazai-at least I’m tall!

Chuuya-I’m still growing!

Dazai-really how much? Half a centimeter?

Chuuya-why you!

Dazai smirked and said “nuh uh uh! Your my dog Chuuya you must respect me after all you lost!” I sighed and shook my head. ‘I wish they could get along.’

Time Skip (in armed detective agency)

I was sound asleep when I heard my brother “we got to go.” Was all he said. I asked “but Chuuya!” Dazai said “we are leaving forget about him you deserve better.” That was YEARS AGO. I miss Chuuya but I know brother did what was best. But now we were in a crazy scenario and it all evolved around a man named Fydor. People where turning into vampires and dying it was scary. However, I was forced to watch from sidelines. When I saw Chuuya tears filled my eyes. He is a vampire! I was shocked I went to the roof as I watched Dazai get the antidote to get the poison out of his body he then said “I had a card up my sleeve. You can come out now!” I looked and saw Chuuya he took off the contacts and said “so what now?” I was frozen the man I love was in front of me. As I blocked out everything just staring at Chuuya I heard him say “damn! These fangs won’t come out!” I giggled and went over to him. “Let me help.” I mumbled as I grabbed something to help them slip out. “There!” I said with a smile. Then Dazai and Nikolai talked with Chuuya I stayed quiet. ‘Just like the old days back in the port.my brother and boyfriend kicking butt while I’m a nurse on scene. I missed it.’ I thought.

Time Skip

Things seemed at peace and I felt happy but I had some sadness ‘I should’ve tried to talk to him more’ then I heard a voice “so you’re still alive.” I saw Chuuya and I said “ya why?” Chuuya said “that’s what Dazai told me during the battle of the guild. But I knew you wouldn’t have died so easily.” He walked closer to me and pinned me against the wall. “Now you owe me for all the time I spent looking for you.” He said as he gave me a kiss I sunk in then I heard my brother. “NO!!!! (Y/n)!!!! Why?!?! I tried to get you to go with Kunikida! I should’ve tried harder! Why Chuuya?!” I smiled and looked at Chuuya then grabbed his hand “Dazai dear brother. You can try to set me up with someone else but it won’t work. I love Chuuya and only him.”

The End SORRY CRINGE Tysm For Reading

[buichiroushirase]

Understanding Shirase is all about understanding the raw meat thing. Because the point, I think, is that he's someone who's always operating on the need to get ahead of what might leave him starving. Quite literally because he's been an orphan in the slums without any power or influence outside of what he can leech off of other since he was seven. He's easy to take at face value, because he's presented predominantly as a comedic character in storm bringer (and IMO one of the funniest parts of that novel), but you don't get a seven year old who was hiding under a bridge to get drunk, living in the sewer with a network of kids protecting each other from trafficking without a little tragedy.

I see a lot of people take him as just an annoying blowhard, which is of course anyone's prerogative, but I think all of his boasting and posturing actually reveals so much about him as a character.

For all of his grandiosity, "I'm the next king''-ing, and claims that he's the smartest and strongest in the Sheep, I don't think he actually believes any of it. To me, he comes across as someone who has constructed their personality around justifying to himself (and to anyone he meets) that he has a right to exist. He has to do this or he wouldn't survive under the conditions he grew up in. I think what's behind the mask is very apparent in these moments:

He's self conscious. Terrified. Deeply aware of exactly how vulnerable and useless he is in the world he inhabits. So he has to put on a show either be overstating his own importance, or throwing a tantrum and shoving indebtedness back in everyone's face. The moment that brings this best into focus is of course the little bit of his POV we get in Storm Bringer.

I think his whole worldview is kind of put on display here. He believes he became so useless that he was left behind and abandoned. He would after all. We know that because that was essentially his approach to Chuuya. And I must emphasize, not because of callousness but because that was the way of the world he grew up in: eating the raw meat before the person sitting next to you can get to it first.

He basically says it himself. That's the only way he survived so long:

I don't think any of that excuses his actions or his mistreatment of Chuuya, but I think it puts his character into perspective and adds depth to him. He's not your toxic friend who cheated off your math homework in middle school, he's a deeply traumatized child desperately trying to survive.

Tangential note to tack onto the end to this, just because I'm probably not gonna write a separate analysis on him, but I often see people interpreting his "I'm the next king" shit in Storm Bringer as evidence that he always thought that, but I'm not so sure of that.

I interpret it more in that he genuinely felt betrayed by Chuuya. In 15, even though he flies off the handle in the arcade scene, he's generally a little bit more composed. I think he genuinely took a big hit from the loss of the sheep. That line when we first meet him again in the factory and he thinks "no one visits me anymore. no one." honestly breaks my heart a little bit. He lost his whole family, and while at that stage we the readers know that he sewed the seeds of his own destruction, it looks to him as though he was just right to be suspicious of and turn on Chuuya. In 15 he acknowledges the Sheep's council structure, and seems to respect it, so I think this line is very genuine. His rational isn't "I was always king" it's more "you were our king and I feel like you failed us so I'm going to be better" however misguided that may be.

[amber-sekio]

Together Forever

Fandom: BSD -Bungo Stray Dogs

Ship: Chuuya x Dazai (Soukoku)

TW: Major Character Death, Angst, Major Angst, No happy ending, I love making characters go through hell, except Chuuya, which is why this isn’t in his pov, I felt evil today

Since the first time Dazai had witnessed the storm that was Arahabaki, Chuuya, he was enthralled. 

Chuuya was human. So painfully human. So beautifully human. 

After all, there was nothing more human than chaos and discord. The human need to find the most perfect, the most orderly form of chaos. 

Chuuya was chaotic and he was perfect. The perfect form of chaos. 

Human. 

Chuuya was human. 

Human. 

_______

For the first time since Dazai witnessed the storm that was Arahabaki, Chuuya, he wasn’t enthralled. 

Chuuya was human. So painfully human. So horrendously human. 

After all, there was nothing more human than life and death. The conclusion to a human life, the inevitable cessation. 

Chuuya was deadly and he was corrupt. 

Human. 

Chuuya was human. 

Blood. 

So much blood. 

There was a burning in his chest from having run here.  

He fell to his knees with no regard for the rubble beneath him. He pulled Chuuya into his arms. 

Red. So much red. 

Yet the body he was clinging to like a child to a stuffed animal was cold. 

He could feel the lingering warmth leaving the body and seeping into his own in a cruel twist of fate. 

He could feel as the warmth entered his own freezing body. 

There was an annoying chattering sound somewhere in the rubble. 

It was cold. It was cold and the body in his arms was becoming freezing to the touch but he couldn’t let go even as he shivered. 

Chuuya was covered in red, further staining his abdomen in sticky red. 

Cold. 

It was so cold. 

He curled himself over Chuuya as if to shield him from the cold, cruel world. 

He was tired and cold. 

He shivered, closing his eyes, pretending Chuuya wasn’t so freezing in his arms. 

… 

So cold…

________

It had been raining nearly all day. He couldn’t help but think it was painfully fitting. 

The gravestone was large and elegant. It was surrounded by droves of people clad in black. Only those closest were allowed to be up near the grave. 

When he finally made it up to the grave with the others, his melancholy grew. 

In the middle of the gravestone, in large, fancy font was the word Soukoku. Below that on the left was Chuuya Nakahara and on the right was Osamu Dazai. 

Apparently, when they were found together, it first looked as if only Dazai was clinging to Chuuya, but Chuuya had his hand clenched around Dazai’s coat as well. Out of respect, they weren’t separated. 

He was startled out of his thoughts when he felt someone grab his arm. He looked up only to realize most people had left after the rain had gotten worse. He looked to his side before relaxing at the sight of Kyouka. 

“Thank you.”

A/N: Requests are OPEN, read the rules, please

[freakroth]

Young Love [chapter 1]

This is a chuuya x reader x dazai fanfic! yay>_<

Btw Y/N is afab Non-binary and uses They/them

Also Finnish Y/N 😼

I suck at writing fanfics but i'm trying best and if you wanna read the chapers i've made so far then they are on my wattpad:D

https://www.wattpad.com/user/Luka_LL

______________________________________________________________

~Y/N POV:~

Finally, after 13 long hours i'm finally in Japan to start my new life! it feels so good to finally get to start a new life away from my family and old friends or more like classmates since i can't think of any of them as friends anymore.

As i step out of the airport i sit down on a bench outside and call for a taxi to come and get me. as i wait for my taxi, i scroll through old pictures of me and my classmates, "..why can't i just be happy like i was back then..?" i mumble to myself.

after about 20 minutes the taxi comes and i go inside it.

"To (college name) please" i say in Japanese to the taxi driver and he starts driving.

while on the way i admirer the city of Yokohama.

"are you a foreigner?" the taxi driver asks me "ah, yes i am" i answer him "this is actually my first time traveling outside of Europa" i say.

"are you European?" the taxi driver asks me "yeah, i'm from Finland"(or whatever country your from) i answer him, and the driver only nods and keeps driving me.

When we get to the college i thank him and pay "bye have a good day!" the driver says before driving of.

"..i'm all on my own now.." i mumble to myself again as i start walking inside the building. while i walk to the principles office i see some people whispering to each other and i'm guessing they are talking about how i look so different from them, it wouldn't be the first time.

while in my thoughts i accidentally bump into someone "oh sorry.." i say, and hear the person huff "whatever" they say and walk way. 'what the fuck did i do' i think to myself. i watch as the ginger haired boy walks over to some other boy with brunet hair thats much taller then him 'that must be his friend or something' i think to myself again.

when i get to the principles office i knock on the door and wait.

"come in!" i hear a woman say from the inside.

"You must be Y/N! am i right?" she asks in a happy voice "uh.. yeah i am" i say back "you must be nervous" she says to me in a calm voice while i keep quiet "theres no need to worry, you'll fit in just fine" she says. 'yeah right, there were just some students back talking me, and i made someone mad, i'm defiantly gonna fit in' i think to myself "..okay.." i say

After she tells me about all of my classes she gives me the keys to my dorm "just know you're gonna have two room mates!" she says as i leave the room.

'Room number 567? that means its on the 5th floor..' i think to myself and start walking to the elevator.

theres a note on the elevator door that says 'out of order' 'great, just my lucky day' i think and start walking up the stairs.

once at the top i start panting a lot "jeez.. that was harder then i thought.." i say to myself.

"543.. 544.. 545.." i look at all of the doors trying to find my own. "here it is!" i say while i start to unlock the door.

"DAZAI WHERE THE FUCK IS MY HAIR BRUSH!?!?" is the first thing i hear when i open the door 'oh lord' "calm down dear, its just a hair brush" says the same brunet from earlier while getting choked by the ginger 'what did i just walk in on' "this is kinda kinky not gonna lie-" the brunet says before the ginger lets go of him. "perv.." mumbles the ginger before he sees me.

"who the fuck are you?" he asks and i freeze "oh! i think thats our new room mate chuuya!" the brunet says excitedly "oh yeah, we were getting a new room mate, thats why we had to clean the guest room" the ginger says in a bit calmer voice now.

i study the boys features carefully.. they are quite pretty both of them, the brunet boy has bandages covering his arm, legs and neck, weird.. the ginger boy has some cute freckles covering his face and one blue and one brown eye. 

"you just gonna stand there like an idiot or introduce yourself to us?" the ginger asks in an annoyed tone. 

"a-ah! i-i'm Y/N..!" 'FUCK WHY DID I HAVE TO START STUTTERING RIGHT NOW!?' i think while dying inside.

"i'm guessing you aren't from Japan, right?" the brunet asks.

"..yeah.. i'm Finnish.." i say.

"i can tell" the ginger says.

'what the fuck is that supposed to mean!?' 

"chuuya, i'm pretty sure thats offensive to say" the brunet says. "HUH!?" the ginger seems shocked. 

"by the way i'm Dazai Osamu" the brunet says " and this here is my boyfriend, Chuuya Nakahara!" he say happily. 

"you shouldn't say that we are boyfriends to them! what if they are homophobic, dumbass!?" Chuuya say in a more irritated voice.

"..its fine.. i'm also a part of the community.." i say an they just look at me. i start to feel pretty weird and think that they are jugging me. i feel like i want to cry but i hold it in as to not make a fool out of myself.

"follow me and i'll show you your room!" Dazai says happily and grabs my hand. i flinch a bit at the contact but don't do anything to not seem like a bother.

"heres your new room!" he says and pushes me into the room closing the door 'finally he left me alone,..' i think while looking around the room, its quite big, probably bigger then my old room back.. home.. i feel sad thinking about my "home".. it never really felt like a home or a safe place for me.. all i can remember are bad times from when my parents yelled at me and said they were gonna hit me.

i wipe a tear that was running down my cheek and start unpacking my stuff.

"..this is gonna be a long night.." i sigh.

(authors note: i'll try to update this as much as i can since i'm busy with school stuff:) there might be a bit of smut in the next chapter;

Please don't steal this (nobody is gonna do that anyway) and i won't post the next chapter for a while so just read it on my wattpad. it might take me like months to post more chapters since i might forget lol) 

[howlingtides]

Dazai visits Chuuya after Chuuya used Corruption to save him (Chuuya's POV)

Takes place immediately after Dead Apple

tags: hurt/comfort, soukoku's version of fluff, Chuuya has chronic pain

Every time Chuuya activated Corruption, it took him a little longer to recover. When he was younger, he'd sleep it off in a few hours. The last couple of times, it had taken him maybe a day or two.

It had been three days since he'd defeated that dragon and saved Dazai's ass, and his entire body still felt like it had been crushed beneath the pressure of his own ability.

It was absolutely brutal.

He'd definitely exceeded the recommended dose of painkillers over the last seventy-two hours, and though they did help a bit, it still wasn't enough. His head throbbed and his muscles burned and his bones ached and it took every ounce of effort he had to get out of bed and force himself to eat something.

All he had left in the fridge was some leftover rice and a half empty bottle of white wine, and cooking was the last thing he wanted to do right now. He opted for the rice, popping the lid off the container and grabbing a pair of chopsticks and bringing everything with him over to the couch where he all but fell against the cushions with a groan.

He'd just taken his first bite when there was a knock at the door.

You've gotta be fucking kidding me.

It crossed his mind to play absent, to let whoever was here think he wasn't home so they would go away and just leave him the fuck alone while he wallowed in his post-Corruption agony.

"Chuuuuuyaaa," came a sing-song voice from outside, another knock following suit.

Oh he was definitely pretending that he wasn't home.

"I know you're in there," Dazai said. "I can feel you pouting."

Damn it all to hell.

"Go to hell you goddamn coat rack."

"But Chuuya," he pressed, "I come bearing gifts."

Gifts? What the hell could shitty Dazai have possibly brought him?

He pondered it for a moment before ultimately deciding that this was a losing battle. Chuuya was either going to let Dazai in or Dazai was going to eventually let himself in.

He set the rice down on the coffee table and pushed himself up with a grunt, dragging himself over to the front door. And he must've been in worse shape than he thought because the moment he opened the door, Dazai's stupid smile faded a little.

Just a little.

But it was enough.

"Please don't," Chuuya said before Dazai could comment on his appearance.

"Don't what?"

"Just. Don't." He scrubbed a hand over his face. "Not today."

They stood there in silence for a moment as Chuuya held his breath.

Eventually, Dazai held up a brown paper bag. "In the mood for some carbonara?"

Chuuya was always in the mood for carbonara, and shitty Dazai knew that, but Chuuya was not in the mood for company, and Dazai probably knew that, too.

It was then that Chuuya's stomach growled and he remembered the cold white rice he was about to eat.

Begrudgingly, he stepped aside, allowing Dazai to enter.

It was also then that he realized how dark his apartment was. He'd kept all the blinds closed and the lights off because everything hurt and the light hurt, but if Dazai had something to say about it, he kept it to himself. Which was unsettling.

Was Chuuya dreaming?

"I figured you were still wallowing," Dazai said, setting the bag down on the coffee table next to the sad leftovers. "I haven't heard from you since you passed out in my lap."

There it was.

"That was not by choice, asshole," Chuuya snarled, limping back over to sit on the couch. "You held me down."

Dazai sat on the other side. "You looked pretty comfortable to me."

Chuuya could feel himself getting worked up, the pain increasing. "Dazai," he warned, rubbing at his temple.

"What?" Dazai continued. "It's not like it was the first time you've ever-"

"I should have left you to die."

"Well if you'd've done that, you'd be dead, too."

"Not the worst thing in the world right now."

Dazai paused at that and gave Chuuya this look.

Was that pity?

"I swear to god, if you-"

"I never got to thank you," Dazai said, cutting him off.

Chuuya froze, still trying to decide whether or not this was a dream.

"You saved me," Dazai continued. "You're always saving me, Chuuya." He slid the paper bag across the table. "So. Thank you."

Chuuya's chest felt warm. He stared down at the bag then back up at Dazai. "That's not poisoned, is it?"

Dazai gasped. "Chuuya! So soon after what happened to me? Consider a guy's feelings."

"You're so fucking full of it."

Dazai smirked. "You want me to take the first bite?"

He grabbed the paper bag, holding it away from Dazai. "Don't fucking touch it."

"I brought it for both of us."

Chuuya thought for a moment before setting the bag back down. "I guess," he uttered, "I guess I owe you one, too. For," he stared down at his hands, "saving me."

Dazai hummed in acknowledgement. "Has Chuuya gone soft?"

"Dick," Chuuya said, softly punching Dazai in the arm.

Dazai chuckled. "You're so easy."

Chuuya felt his cheeks go hot, and he wanted to scream, but he was also starving, and if it meant sharing a meal with Dazai to eat some delicious carbonara in his time of need, then.

Well, he guessed it also wasn't the worst thing in the world right now either.

[kaiserkisser]

ok this thought has been eating me up from ages, practically ever since i started bsd

but the song 'Suicide Love' by Midsplit is literally SO soukoku coded

although its more from dazai's pov, specifically dark era!dazai i think, regarding chuuya imo, especially this part of the song

"tell me if im leaving would you miss me / tell me im bleeding would you fix me / tell me white lies for these dark thoughts / tell me how to heal with a broken heart"

and ever since i saw an skk amv of this song i havent been able to let it go its been taking up all my braincells (i dont have any but okay)

also, on a slightly different note, afterglow by taylor swift is also so skk coded BUT i keep thinking of it in terms of IWSYNTTR. like. just. its fits. so damn much. esp for that dam fic that i still adore.

although its true that practically any song is skk coded as long as you're deranged enough (which i one hundred percent am.)

aaanyways just wanted to get this out there lol