#since i know it'll be unclear to a lot of people:

[rottmnt-residuum]

Part 21 of Arc II (Part 47)

*falls to my knees* finally... april my beloved

⇇ | ⇽ | index | ⇾

[charlidos]

I'm having a serious bout of nostalgia these past weeks. I started reading from my pile of fanfiction which I've printed over the years. And ended up reading the only Lord of the Rings story I have saved for posterity, namely Calico's brilliant (but sadly unfinished) Viggo/Orlando fic Blood Oranges. And wow, it's really quite an intoxicating read.

It was never a big fandom for me back then, but I remember reading a little, and I remember finding that whole cast quite wonderful.

All of a sudden, I felt a strong need to look back at the Viggorli pairing of yore. Turned out to be a bit of a rabbit hole for me.

I realised I find it very fascinating to have this soon 25 years perspecitve on them, since fandom is usually quite topical. Particularly RPF, since it's quite dependent on that darn thing we call reality.

Looking back at a pairing like Viggo and Orlando is wrought with wistfulness, with all the could-have-beens and never-happeneds. In the now of a pairing, you can fantasise of a future, but with the reality of a past, it's quite different.

I've always been intrigued by the relationship that Viggo and Orlando had during those 18 months of filming LotR. Sharing a make up trailer, getting lost in the woods together, and just generally spending a lot of time together. And waxing lyrically about each other. More than ten years later, O said in an interview that V is his biggest influence, that the way V took care of him on the LotR is something that mattered a lot to him. And that V in general is a legend, a beautiful soul etc. It's quite touching.

But it's also a quite melancholic and wistful statement since O also implies it's not that easy to keep in touch with V because "he's an artist, an ACTUAL artist".

A few years later, O very randomly appeared on a rather odd Italian show where people are reconciled with each other, live on tv. O was there when two estranged sisters were reconciled. O says he has a similiar situation with a "good friend", someone with a similiar age difference as the sisters, someone who used to take care of him. It's not at all clear, but it seems this "brother" gave him a ring with the inscription "To Wherever it May Lead". A line from Legolas to Aragorn which was cut.

(It's a little difficult to hear, but O says that the line from LotR was engraved in the ring when it was given to him, and that he always has it, as an encouragment. I've only found this clip on a Chinese site, hence the subtitles.)

So, it seems to be implied that V gave this ring to O. That O maybe also lost touch with V. And that maybe they've reconciled? It's unclear, but I find it terribly intriguing.

Of course, I know nothing about what's actually going, and it's all fantasy, but it's nonetheless quite a fascinating perspective to look back like this over the years. In my brain - warped by years in fandom - it turns into this EPIC. Either an epic romance, with its ups and downs, loss and great love. Or an epic tragedy, full of unfulfilled desires, bad choices and opportunities lost. There's still some fanfiction written these days (not much, but I'm in awe that there's any at all!). The lovely recent work of chaosmanor really sold me on very wistful, but also quite hopeful, reconcilation fic.

O and V are getting old, but they are still two quite handsome fellows. And I hope there will be a proper, public LotR-cast reunion in time for the 25 yrs mark. They had a few covid-oriented reunions on zoom for the 20 yr celebration, but I hope it'll be live one day.

I would like to see the fellowship of tattoed nine together again, as long as they're all still alive.

[pinktoonie]

Haven't seen anyone talk about this so I will because to me it seems like the biggest obstacle in Rei and Kazuki's relationship and an important through line in the show.

Here comes a long, unpolished post.

As far as Miri goes, the family unit has been established and the two dads are settling in and relaxing into their roles almost a year into having Miri. Ep 7, 8, and 9 established that Kazuki, Rei, and Miri in that order respectively are in this family thing for life 100%.

But we still have 4 episodes left.

Obviously angst is coming, but along with that, Kazuki and Rei still need to address this barrier between them.

Listen to me. These lines from episode 3 have been nagging me since they were first said. They're IMPORTANT.

"I won't ask."

"I wouldn't tell."

The context here is Rei and Kazuki talking about their pasts. Whenever Kazuki brings up a tidbit about his past, Rei will agree if it also applies to him, but he will not elaborate, and Kazuki won't ask him to. Kazuki knows the gist about Rei's family. Who they are and what they do. He doesn't know how badly Rei was/is treated. He can see the scars. I doubt he's ever brought them up though.

"I won't ask."

"I wouldn't tell."

It's a constant in their relationship. But this lack of communication is problematic for two people who have decided to spend their lives together and raise a child.

Here's another example from episode 8

Rei here is bleeding from his forearm. The show even has him pose in a way to show us that it's clearly within Kazuki's line of sight.

But Kazuki doesn't ask. Because Rei wouldn't tell.

However concerned he may be, he doesn't bring it up. He doesn't know where Rei was that night or why he's injured. He can assume it had something to do with his family, which should be worrying in itself. Kazuki is endlessly patient and understanding, but that's not fair to him.

The show even makes it a point to bring this issue up again in the same episode:

So where do we go from here?

There will need to be a moment in the show, where Kazuki WILL ask, and Rei WILL tell.

Or Rei will just open up on his own without prompting. What Rei will tell Kazuki, we don't know, but it'll be something that matters. Something important.

What could it be?

My predictions:

Rei opens up about his past abuse in detail to Kazuki to fully make him understand what his father is capable of (because of the upcoming danger)

Kazuki gives Rei some sort of ultimatum, which results in Rei admitting something, whether that's "I love you", "I need you", or some sort of confirmation that he has no intention of leaving Kazuki's side, not just Miri.

They just have a moment where they open up to each other just because they're simply changing and comfortable enough to talk about the past now. "You didnt matter much to me" is the closest we've gotten.

A "what are we?" convo.

Regardless of the reason, narratively it will have to happen before Rei and Kazuki can move forward with their relationship, whatever that entails. But this lack of communication and vulnerability with each other is what's holding them back.

Lastly, this may be completely unrelated because the show is set in Japan but still caught my eye.

"I won't ask."

"I wouldn't tell."

Sounds a hell of a lot like the old, "Don't ask, don't tell" policy in the USA, which basically stated that non heterosexual members of the military must keep their damn mouth shut about their sexuality. No openly queer people.

Which if we apply it to Rei and Kazuki's unclear partnership... Fitting.

And also considering Rei's homophobic ass speech about carrying on the family and Kazuki sullying Rei's blood (which literally implies he thinks they're sleeping together because the only way to "sully blood" is through sexually transmitted infections), seems like the organization might've also had a sort of, don't ask don't tell policy.

I'm sure I've missed stuff, but these are the points that have been stuck in my brain. All in all, whatever this important thing that Rei will tell Kazuki is, it'll be the catalyst for taking their relationship to the next level of "partnership."

[khttrpg]

Cracks knuckles.

Alright team. Let's talk the next few months.

The short version is I'm going to have a basic version for v0.3 out by mid-September. The current plan is to finish work on it through June, finish privately testing it by mid-August, and then do a closed playtest with Patreon supporters through the rest of August. I'll make any further adjustments, playtest one more round if needed, and then throw it out to The People!

This is going to be a more compact initial release than previous versions. The version of the game to release will be through about level 21 (out of 100 levels). Unlike V0.2, though, it will be playable at release - no waiting to learn how to make enemies. There are several reasons for this smaller release, but the most important is changeability: this way, instead of needing full years to adjust everything I've made if something about the base game is completely off course, it'll only take a month or so. Quicker turnaround for adjustments!

I'll be sitting down to do a sort of psuedo-Q&A on Friday, June 28 on my Twitch at 7 PM EST- playing some Kingdom Hearts, answering questions as they come up, talking about what I've been up to and longer-term plans. If there's anything in this post that you don't understand or want elaboration on, send an ask, and I'll answer it on that stream!

Some of the big changes you can expect in V0.3, under a cut for brevity (some of the details and names may be subject to change still!):

Combat Stats. You know, in retrospect, there was no good reason to not use KH's existing ATK/DEF/MAG stats and just directly translate abilities using them. The new version has the actual stats used in KH games connected to the more roleplay-oriented Stats from previous versions - e.g. ATK being connected to Body - but ultimately separated in terms of usage.

Sword, Shield, Staff. This will appear in very basic form in this version, to be elaborated on once the core game has been adequately playtested. I've wanted to include the chance to "choose your path" since day 1, but could never find a way to integrate it; the addition of Combat Stats provided a clean opportunity to try it out!

Dice. This was something that got brought up relatively early on in the Discord, but at the time I didn't have the experience to handle it. Now I do! Attacks have a more standardized pattern and there's no longer going to be a situation where you can hit and do 0 damage. Not unless you intentionally do some really bad numbers. I can't stop you from that.

Job Classes -> Job Paths. There was a consistent issue in the first two versions, where the intent of job classes - to be loose guidelines rather than strict classes, with lots of mixing and matching - was unclear. They've been re-contextualized as sets of Abilities, with one feature being a prerequisite to the next. My hope is that this will allow people to view them closer to as intended, on top of some other interesting things that have opened up to do with them.

MP. I really wanted to stick to KH1-style MP because I love the low numbers and wanted so badly to make them work. But ultimately, the MP numbers from KH2 and KH3 were easier to deal with. There's just no #/5 equivalent to 12/100.

Hordes. Yes I've reworked them again. I'm so happy with them this time though!! I think I finally struck a balance to make it both quick and large. Hopefully. Playtesting permits.

Memories. Will finally be a full part of the game! There'll be ~5 options minimum at time of initial publishing. I'd REALLY like to get it up to 7 for that sweet sweet number symbolism, but that won't be a priority for this initial release.

Leveling. There will be a way to calculate the EXP for level ups, and that leveling is simpler to understand.

And other stuff! Some of it in too early stages to talk about for this release, some of it is just formatting, some of it is hard to explain quickly.

I will not be updating monthly, because after trying to make myself do that for several years now, I'm forced to accept that I'm not capable of doing so on a for-fun project. But I will make a concerted effort to be more present here and to keep everyone appraised of the Big milestones, like when I open up playtesting for patrons.

Thank you all so much for your patience, as always! <3

[rxttenfish]

i think ideally i want to include more of merfolk spirituality in the way that they casually think and do things - not necessarily in an overt way, no, but in the sort of ingrained way that works its way into all that they do that shows what a cultural force it is and to help them feel unique in thought.

thats something that always sits at the back of my mind, on how to depict the thought process of an entirely different species, and its something that i never quite feel fully happy with since i worry that itll then be either nonsensical in a way that doesnt feel lived-in or that it'll just feel like a carbon copy of my own thought processes.

for merfolk, thats mostly a lack of hard borders around everything and everything being majorly tinted by their social dynamic, adding in a lot of non-linear thought. they think of things primarily as either song or as a social dance, and tend towards thinking of things in "three-dimensions", being creatures who evolved in an environment where moving up and down requires effectively the same energy as moving backwards or forwards, and being able to conceptualize things better in three dimensions helps with navigation and existence inside of the medium they live in. this also correlates to their songs, aiming for complexity with the higher amount of information they can pack into that same space and to navigate tightly around the social bounds (merfolk having very stiff, non-emotive faces for instance, with most emoting being seen with their fins, means that the majority of how they convey emotion, especially over distance, is with sound and noises.), to the point of being able to form mental maps of their area based solely off of listening to the merfolk around them and what they're saying and singing.

however, all of this means merfolk can also be extremely confusing for landfolk, seemingly leaping from one topic or another or taking great care to restate things and being highly specific or broad and unclear without much of a difference by the merfolk at hand, or just otherwise treating relatively complex topics like theyre much simpler and self-evident than perhaps they might be to others. alternatively, merfolk can end up feeling like conversing with landfolk is too slow or nonresponsive, having a harder time moving at rates that feel natural to them without having to enunciate themselves or go back and explain things that are easy to grasp. to them, landfolk entirely miss most of their emotional complexity and non-emotive, which is fair, because landfolk think the same of merfolk, when we dont really have to specify our emotional response and intent inside of what we have to say and expect body language to serve the majority of that duty. this isnt to say tone doesnt also play an important role, but merfolk are effectively playing with an advanced version of tone which doesn't always map onto ours, and is quickly lost in translation.

but one of the big things to be a "merfolk-ism" would be how much they tend to treat everything as a part of their emotional group, and don't bother drawing hard lines between entirely different objects or contexts. for them, a group might be indistinguishable from the area that they inhabit, buildings and environmental structures being just as important as living elders, or from their relationship to their neighbors, all being as much "defining traits" as the people themselves who live there. which can get confusing, as merfolk might refer to and speak of the dead or historical events as though theyre still alive or still happening, mostly expecting the other person to know that they are dead or in the past, and viewing them and their continued impacts upon the present, or even just them being used as building blocks for the present, as essentially just as meaningful as the presence itself.

[dealbrekker]

Wait I need to know which tsh character you like and why? 👀

Hello friend!!!

I was thinking about this question while I was at work for hours and now have time to answer!

As a disclaimer, I am roughly 1/3 of the way through the book, and since I'm listening to it rather than reading it, I can't cite exact moments, but I'll do the best I can.

I have a crush (questionable status now lmao) on one Henry Winter.

Initially it was because he fits one of my personal types right off. Tall, dark, quiet, prone to shutting himself in the library. And we're told by Richard (a pretty unreliable narrator, really) that people say Henry is scary or frightening and strange. And he's sort of painted this way at Richard's first meeting with him. Aloof, and a bit suspicious or skeptical of Richard's sudden intrusion into the little group.

That sort of behavior always, for me anyway, sets up a mass of potential. Where will this character go from here? I found myself wanting more back story on him. Which we get in pieces from various avenues, mainly Richard and Bunny.

And as we go along, Henry starts to reveal himself to be the most likely to talk to Richard. He's definitely still aloof and quiet, but of the 5, Henry seems to offer Richard the most conversation (well, aside Bunny, but more on him in a minute), and Henry seems the most inclusive of Richard. Charles and Camilla are superficially nice and pleasant, and Francis so far in the telling has been oddly present but also fluttering on the outside of the narrative in my opinion. It's like we know facts about everyone, but Richard has had the most one on one time with Henry and Bunny, so it feels like he knows them best.

Henry feels, to me, the most genuine of the group. He doesn't pretend to be anything other than quiet, reclusive, and tolerant or fond of the others. He takes good care of Camilla when she injures her foot and even her brother is too nervous help, he saves Richard's life when he has pneumonia, and he apologizes for Bunny's bullshit regarding money. He is genuine in the way he speaks to Richard, whereas it feels like Charles, Camilla, and Francis have little of sustenance to say or just feel off somehow. Henry's genuineness is really magnified when you consider Bunny's. Bunny is genuine...genuinely, unabashedly rude, snide, and honestly cruel. And no one else that I can recall has really done much to explain Bunny or chastise him.

I think, perhaps, Henry's moments with Richard stick out so much because he was painted as the scariest one, and that he doesn't talk as much as the others do. So when he does, you pay attention.

I'm currently at the part where he is explaining why they all were about to cut and run to Argentina, without Richard and Bunny. Listening to the explanation is what made me post earlier about him being a special kind of obsessed. It's a very discomforting scene that took place in the woods, even without the accidental murder of the nameless man. I love how it's being told. The events are as unclear as the characters' recollections. But it made me sort of...step back on my initial feelings of Henry. Which I know is pretty funny and ironic considering the way the book opens and you immediately know he's complicit of a murder. Maybe it helps that Bunny sucks that I was keen to like Henry 😂

I think one of the saddest things so far, is that even though he doesn't outright say or even think it during his internal dialogue, Richard is clearly hurting over the fact that none of them were going to say goodbye or tell him anything. He likes these people a lot, for better or worse, and I could sense how abandoned and betrayed he feels at being left out of the aftermath. Heck, maybe it'll turn out he's jaded about being left out of the Bacchanae; I wouldn't put it past him what with the theme of this book. And we know how much he likes everyone seeing as how he covered for them. I get the sense that Henry was perfectly surprised at this, and is regarding Richard a new light.

I'm interested to see how the book progresses, and how we get to the point at the opening of the story. Will I start to care about Bunny more? Will I care at all? What other dark secrets are going on with this group?

Long story short, Henry Winter was exactly my vibe for a while. I can't say he still is, but there's still 1,000 minutes left of this tale. I love a morally gray cast. There is little to nothing to like about any of these people, but somehow I'm still drawn in.

[thoselethalarts]

Hehehe sending you an ask I wanna know this one

3. What ideas come from when you were little

Give us the Lore 💪💪

3. What ideas come from when you were little?

HOOOOO boy, where do I start with this one 😂 Sadly not a lot of ideas of mine really survived my early youth, but I do have a handful of characters + plots that did survive more from my middle school and high school years. Most of those ideas I plan on turning into novels at some point in the near future because they've become such important concepts to me personally.

Colors of War - This is a personal story that I've held onto since my TF2 era, by sheer reason that I've grown FAR too attached to the characters I've made for the fandom since then. Since then the story I've developed around them has really changed and evolved to become something all its own, focusing on the "team" I've made full of fan-characters, instead of being hired mercenaries to toil endlessly in a war over gravel, being something of a yakuza-inspired mafia in modern-age San Fransisco. They use their vast influence and wealth to allow their actions to slip under the radar, though it's unclear what their intentions or goals are to those that attempt to investigate them. All that is known is that those part of the central core of the mafia's power have been alive for far longer than they physically appear to be, and that even when they're killed and declared dead on the scene they just keep coming back.

I'll be honest, seeing how beloved Emesis Blue has become to the TF2 fandom and how well-received it was for people that aren't even well-versed in TF2 lore and mechanics either is really motivating me to continue working on it, and hopefully it'll be received just as well someday!

Diary of an Insomniac (AKA the Dementophobia project) - I first wrote Dementophobia when I was in high school (peak creepypasta era on the internet was back then), and since then the characters I've made for that story, Marcus and Matt, have become really special and important to me. Their story was meant to be a one-off, but then I got the idea for the Creepypasta RPG, a project that I've in a way fully scrapped since its initial development stages. The remnants of that project, however, and the story that I was developing for it I still want to use, and I plan on eventually publishing that story as a full-fledged novel! It's the story I'm working most actively on right now during my downtime at work, and I'm very eager to share it with the world once it's done!

Afraid of Ghosts / The Dead Man's Guide to Hell - THIS is perhaps the biggest project I currently am chipping away at.

Afraid of Ghosts is the home story for my OC Kaz! The basis for the story is based on a dream that I had many years ago that involved ghosts, OFF-style purifications exorcisms, and grim reapers. As far as the story goes it's become distinctly more cathartic in intention over the years, but most importantly is that it is directly tied to a core element that I intend to elaborate on with The Dead Man's Guide to Hell (also known as the Jigoku Project).

The Jigoku project is something I've been very passionate about building for many years, and as such it's become fundamentally connected to a lot of my other stories too, including the Dementophobia project! It's inspired by the album 地獄 (Jigoku) by Aurastys, and is my attempt to breath life into a different sort of perspective/concept for Purgatory, Hell, the afterlife, and the dead. Afraid of Ghosts focuses on grim reapers and their jobs as collectors of the souls of the dead, while the The Dead Man's Guide to Hell is meant to elaborate on every aspect of Hell in this world, why spirits are as they appear, and what happens to the dead when they die, all from the perspective of a man that's passed and is experiencing the afterlife firsthand.

I rambled a bit, but I hope that answers the question well enough 😅

[olivieraa]

my main gripe, and has always been my biggest problem with SnK since the day I first watched it 10 years ago, is that it has a pacing issue

I don't understand how a show can be both fast paced and slow paced at the same time, but no matter how many times I've watched it (seen s1 4 times, s2 once (now twice)), I feel the same every time

there's a lot of dragged out dialogue

and I mean draaaaaaaaaaaged out

I've had this problem with a few animes in the past as well, mainly YGO. YGO went on for 4 years I think? but what happens in the show is done in the span of a year, possibly only a few months. literally all of Battle City, Noah's arc, and the duel tower take place in about 3 days. That's around 100 eps = 3 days (I'll have to check to get the accuracy here but I'm either exactly right or not far off). but 100 eps, from different seasons, that was probably done over a 2 year span when it was released.

so while watching a show, and it takes 2 years for these two seasons to come out, your mind doesn't register that those 2 years irl are 2-4 days in the show.

and I know its the dub, which cant be credited, but one character even mentions how its been 4 years (I THINK someone says it to Yami in the airport, it may have been Anzu, I skip that ep a lot bc of its woeful animation)

SnK is a little different. its similar in the sense that a good chunk of eps are just one day in that world, but then they also do a lot of flashbacks to show that there was a lot of behind the scenes development we didn't see, shit like that. so its a lot better.

but its still dragged out. everyone's inner monologue takes up half an ep. the constant planning takes so long, only for them to not actually do that plan bc something interrupted the plan so its now a new plan.

Eren's basement was mentioned mid-way through season 1. barely ever brought up again. and I know it then took fucking 4 years to bring out s2 (where I dont even know if it was mentioned at all), and I've no idea what happens s3 wise.

my past memory of SnK manga from 10 years ago was Armin getting kidnapped cause they think he's Historia. that or the part where Levi picks her up. that's where my knowledge of SnK ends. I have not seen that animated. I'm assuming it'll be in s3.

I remember the whole "WHAT'S IN THE DAMN BASEMENT???" shit going around. and its very frustrating, bc the storyline makes you think they forgot, and just kept making new plans and prioritising everything else over getting this one damn answer, and that months and months to maybe even a year have passed by without nobody mentioning the basement again or making any plans to get to it.

but in actuality, the majority of these eps prob take place in about a week, maybe 2. and that it actually hasn't been THAT long since Eren mentioned the basement. but its made so unclear, that it feels dragged out to fuck, which is what caused such fandom frustration.

for all I know, season 3 is aaaaaaaaaall about getting to that damn basement. but still, it is frustrating when your mind is going, "these damn people are constantly on the hunt for answers and yet there's no adamancy to get the basement which may have all the answers???"

ANYWAYS

finally onto a season that'll be completely new to me (minus whatever I saw in the manga before I'd caught up to it 10 years ago)

I'll start tagging it now lol

[royalberryriku]

Stuck on prompt 5 for (a very late and overdue) khoc week; not because I don't know what to do, but because there's so many things I want to do.

Sort of a ramble about this below: 👇

Also some sliiight spoilers for themes (couldn't help myself) with my fic, but it helps explain why I'm struggling to get something out for this specifically.

Each of my main OCs is an embodiment of the complexities of experiences that can't be defined by light or darkness, especially Zorya who literally is a being of darkness that is trying a third way of handling it; not controlling to destroy it (Xehanort and Eraqus' ideals, or rather the "teachings of light") or even embracing it and accepting it (first step that Riku found), but believing in it; seeing your flaws as a wound to heal, a possibility to be realised, just like how you love people and believe in them, she wants to believe in herself and love herself in ways she hasn't been able to. To kit hate your flaws or see them as something to be "fixed" but loved and cared for. I think Kingdom Hearts is leaning into that in the next arc, but it's not quite there yet.

Meanwhile the other two are also examples of this but in different ways. Yoru is more like Riku and delves into that "first step", but like Riku he still hates and fears his own flaws. He hasn't really fully embraced the fact he's just a person and is allowed to have those flaws yet, same as Riku (which is partly why I'm excited for the aspect of him being in Quadratum since I think both he and Sora will realise that while fighting the personification of that fear and hate towards darkness). Yoru still thinks that he's a bad person for being too curious, too scared, too angry, too this or that. But he also wants to embrace it and change. Which is all great and all when it comes to wanting to be a better person, but he's still healing. And pushing a wound that's still open won't heal it, it'll just worsen it. I want to show that, but it can't really be summed up with just light or darkness; it's both.

And Taiyo is probably the most interesting of all when it comes to the question. He believes he's strictly light, he wants to uphold his teachings and be what he was taught to be. He's exactly like Eraqus and any other Keyblade Master before that, but the thing is he doesn't have a Keyblade and he is forced to realise how human he is. He's a lot like Aqua in that regard, forced to face his limits and understand his own humanity and inadequacy when compared to the perfectionism pushed by his teachers and peers. He has to unlearn all of the toxicity and realise a heart is more than just a means of good or evil, it's also an identity; a means of love and happiness, it's also about caring for oneself as a person, not a tool. So he would say light absolutely, but like every other person, he has his flaws. Even if he himself doesn't acknowledge them.

I want to explain this all in a way that isn't just a long monologue, but by instead showing it. Yet, I also don't want to spoil the full character arcs I have planned in my fic itself or its story and every single theme in it.

Also, darkness and light are treated very delicately in my fic and with my OCs, so I tend to put a lot of thought in whenever I want to show their connections to light or darkness, because it's always very much related to mental health and self discovery and self care. It's about realising that light and darkness are subjective; mailable and unclear. But with that, there's so many ways to show it. I get so excited by that too, which in turn has me writing various drafts and having so many different ideas that it's hard to settle on just one to go with.

TLDR: This will probably be the longest and most thoughtfully written out of all the prompts. The reason I stopped with the last one is because I'm so excited to really make something that makes fans of the series think about what light and darkness really are in regards to this universe. I know it's just a little fun prompt and I don't have to. But I want to. It's fascinating and I think it's a great way to introduce people to the themes of my fic and the ideas these characters all embody.

[antispopausandstuff]

I saw your post about same sex and Sapphic relationships in media and how not every pair of gay/bi/etc people have to be together and homie, I get that there are a lot of other ways to show love in lgbt+ shows but dude. Canon romantic relationships of all kinds is one of the big goals for our community. The "unrequited love" and such was what we Always used to see in shows and media and books. Always hinted at just enough to make audiences hopeful but never any follow through. We are LUCKY to have LGBT+ relationships and romances on screen nowadays and a lot of younger people don't remember the days when no one in the community even thought it was possible to see a pair of women or a pair of men kiss on TV or in a movie in a way that wasn't just a joke or going to be played off. Yes, we need more lgbt+ friendships on air but not at the sacrifice of the romantic relationships our community and our elders have fought to be shown and accepted as normal for decades now. If you wanna see pining and unrequited love and "will they, won't they", you can easily find it in the past. Typically it became queerbaiting of some kind if the authors refused to acknowledge the obvious subtext or in some cases, people would retcon it in after the dust has settled and people can't refuse to watch something if they have to see gay people being gay.

But comparing things to the "control group", it's exceptionally rare that showrunners don't try to shoehorn in some kind of tension between straight people. If showrunners don't, fans are always THRILLED to ship them. Until shows get better writers that know how to write friendships of any kind, I'm sticking firmly in the camp of happier to see the gays kissing rather than hearing showrunners whine about how they gave us representation so why aren't we happy to see said rep not acting on their sexuality in any way.

hello there!

i'm sorry for offending you, and i might've explained my thoughts poorly.

i do not believe we have to sacrifice one or the other, or that there's anything wrong with queers kissing and the "obvious" ( still not sure if that's the right word ) being canon.

what i do believe though is that, especially since comics and other online forms of media ( youtube, for ex ) are becoming more and more diverse and becoming more popular in general, there are a lot of opportunities for different topics of queer romance.

i'm very aware of how difficult it can be for shows/movies specifically, so i think i should've mentioned that i wasn't only talking about TV media, but i'm not sure how relevant that would be in hindsight.

to talk more about the unrequited love conversation, i definitely should've specified more on that! i understand how that can come off as incredibly queerbaiting, and often is, if it was one "potential" queer relationship.

however, i didn't mean to give off that i meant it in that context. i am a writer who makes all of my characters POC + queer, and only not do that in rare circumstances, so it was natural of me to think of what i said in that specific context, instead of how it could come off to others. i apologize for that!

i meant unrequited love, and potential "will they, won't they"s in the context of many already existing queers and queer relationships, rather than the sole relationship with clear queer subtext being used as a bait to lure in the gays.

i know this is less possible to do with TV media than it could be with social media and comics/manga, but i don't feel like that should stop others from trying to play around with these concepts. as time goes on, hopefully society will too, and queer media on TV, books, anything it can be in, can be even MORE diverse!

i'm very sorry for coming off as insensitive and like i want the old things back, this was my own doing by being unclear about my personal experiences of what i was saying. i kinda forgot that not everyone knows what i'm talking about ^^;

thank you for telling me this, though! it'll help me keep in mind of my explanations in the future, and i hope this cleared up your worries or concerns!

TLDR; my discussion was in context of multiple queer people/queer relationships in media, but my wording ended up being misleading and most likely came off as irritated or bitter. and, there is NO problem with having the crystal-clear gays kiss! if they're not unhealthy, let them kiss all they want!

[egoweapon]

I still have 4 more posts left in my queue. I'll let them run, but for now, I will probably distance myself from PJM until we have a better assessment of the situation/further statements from the company.

I may return in the future, but the amount of posting will be limited unless things change. Even engaging with the previous 2 games feels difficult.

Of course, this is subject to change given that my good faith in the company is teetering on a thin line right now.

As a long time PJM fan, this has been particularly devastating to watch unfold. Many of my original characters are from LC, and without the existence of LCB, I would have never picked up copies of classical literature such as Wuthering Heights or DotRC/HLM.

It'll certainly be difficult to see them in my house, as I don't think I can ever fully sever the associations I have of them with the characters I love. But I'm grateful to have been introduced to these novels in the first place.

The fate of my nuggets is unclear, but I also don't think I can transpose all of them to an original setting. I'm simply too uncreative for that. But if the worst case scenario comes to pass, I will salvage what I can.

It's a shame. I've watched so many people leave and get rid of all their works entirely within these last 24 hours. So many people I have connected with thanks to PJM's games, who I'm unsure I will keep in contact with after everything that has happened yesterday.

I really don't know… if I will ever find another mainstream game like this with Chinese characters I enjoy this much either. I don't know if I can part with them at this moment. I really don't know. They mean a lot to me, but the bitter taste won't leave my mouth.

I've been writing this for an hour since 4 AM… I hope this is coherent, and thank you for taking your time to read my rambling.

[knowlessman]

bnha s2e6-9 or, like, something

so yeah tokoyami is, like, cool. hope he stays cool, I don't think I've heard much of anything specific about him

oh damn, plz tell me todoroki isn't gonna try and blackmail him or something -- ah k, just more of a statement of intent. I think.

all might has gotta be at least somewhat aware that he's poking a bear rn -- no he's just… I guess he just really doesn't know -- wow, is endeavor actually just bakugo but grown-up?

…bwhut. his mom did? …damn

deku you are talking to a victim of abuse what is this "I'm just as much a protagonist as you are" shit

got the feeling bakugo is gonna find a way to use this against someone, I don't know that for absolutely positive but I got a bad feeling about it

okay kaminari just lost a lot of points with me, he might be joining mineta in superhell tier if he keeps this up -- facepalm I'm sorry who needs or wants backstory for this seconds-long bit. we did not need to know where the uniforms came from -- invisible girl might be ending up there too tbh, I'm not happy about it but she seems to only really exist for perv bits

come on I wanna see what Gamzee's quirk is

hm. -- oh goddammit tell me gamzee isn't an enchanter. a memory-wiper. -- why are they keeping the pompoms? I guess they're free and they can throw them to distract an opponent?

am very confused tbh but the entire cavalry battle thing was nonstop confusion about how anything worked so whatever

well, we're gonna be seeing shinso up close then I guess. this oughta be weird.

"perverse person" I guess Mineta was too hard to grab, and Kaminari too dangerous. I know literally nothing about this blond rando

"some tried to sharpen their senses" bakugo Blair Witching bc I guess he thinks it'll make him hear better

"put your morals and ethics aside for a moment, because we have a magic medic!" dood you don't wanna say that when you've got people like vegeta in the tournament, she can't fix a corpse can she? -- "anything life-threatening is out" okay that's good to clarify I guess

"'I give up, huh?' it's a test of your spirit then" I'm getting memories of the tournament arc from Hunter x Hunter (uh, one of them, anyway?); I foresee mind games from gamzee here

aizawa with very good points about the physical thing

it's literally just mind control. so, yeah, an inherently evil power, especially since it seems like it also prevents memories forming (or just can do that? unclear). : | at the same time, it's not like you get to pick what your quirk is… (for the record, by "mind games" I was guessing more like "give up or I'll wipe a bunch of your memories," much less straightforward)

wait shit deku has avatar ghosts? daaang

…shinso might be an okay guy. -- "why do you want to be a hero?" deku plz shut the fuck up -- okay yeah gamzee's okay, he's cool

medic lady is right to hate all might's might guy bullshit, he's not consistently as bad as might guy but it is there

all might doesn't believe in ghosts in a world that's mostly supers, got it

who even is sero?

"you have a duty to surpass goku to boost my ego, even though it'll inevitably just turn me against you because you surpassed me"

ojiro is just okay. he's very mid, and his tail is a little gross, but he's just a good guy. he's tien if tien had even less personality than, well, dbza gave him (never watched actual dbz)

oh, sero is tapeface. aight. let's see how badly he jobs this one -- uh? what he do -- zuko. what did you do…? -- I think I remember that screenshot from death battle. I guess they musta paired him against zuko? I don't remember anything about it tho (I stopped watching it awhile ago anyway, not curious enough to go looking for it)

fuck it, next

(skipping thru intro) nextflix has spoiled me so much. hell, imagine watching this on tv. nightmare.

go, plant lady! kick this pervert's sidekick's ass! -- plant lady is starfire apparently. not losing many points, but losing a nonzero amount, and I know this is probably a contentious stance. at least she has character. (tbf to her tho, radio guy is annoying and the assasssin thing was uncalled for) -- dumbass didn't even realize he was at a type disadvantage

momotaro or wevertf his name is (the blond "neh neh class a class b" guy) is like if mineta was just as annoying without being a perv

deku being relatable ig. that gaming geek mindset

hehehe iida has a quirk that has super modes and she still wanted to give him a handicap -- ohhh, she does have a quirk, super vision. cool. also makes sense that it would help with gadgeteer stuff. coolcool

oh cool off, iida, she gave you the win and didn't have to 'XD she maybe went a few boards overboard with it, but you did get a win

uraraka looks like that girl from nichijou who loses her yaoi rn. heavy times approaching, I think

I have a question: are lasergut's lasers not lethal, and if so, how? they could just say energy blasts/beams but they're saying laser. -- just… stop doing the hip thrusts, please, you're fucking gross dude

ooh, birdman vs quiet metal gear, this should be something -- aw. -- radio guy, just get off the mic

METAPOD. V. METAPOD. IT'S HAPPENING. IT'S FUCKING HAPPENING. -- I have a feeling the steel guy is just gonna overheat tho, that might be how this one goes. -- aw. -- ARM WRESTLING 'XD you don't think they're gonna tie with that, too? hell, catch them tying rock paper scissors - oh wait maybe tetsu would pick scissors

aight, mister small pond big fish, let's see what the mankanshoku special has in store for you -- "this isn't the face of a regular person!" no kidding. you're gonna push your teeth out that way bro, I don't even know if that's a thing but you're gonna make it a thing and then have no teeth

…bloodymindedly reaching for the moon? is she gonna get this that way?

oh fuck off hamtaro nobody likes you

!! -- (hamtaro can still fuck off tho) -- um. uraraka that's cool and all but it's… shrapnel, in a moment, I think?

is she still in bounds tho -- aw, c'mon. I call patriarchy on that, let her play

"frail girl" kaminari joins mineta in superhell tier. dammit

'XDDDDD I told you, I told you about armwrestling, I told you dog - oh the class a guy won. kirishima I think

don't you get out of school at the same time regardless? it might be that your first one doesn't matter as much as your second or third.

we interrupt this moment of People Being Pretty Good to Each Other to put fucking Endeavor on the screen -- "this is one person I can't let know about All for One." good read. -- deku stop poking this bear right now or we're gonna need a replacement protagonist -- (okay good he stopped, phew)

oh holy fuck it's protag vs protag, it's goku vs saitama, goku has to win but howtf is that gonna happen

next time, I'm afraid. I wouldn't be stopping here if I didn't have stuff in the morning, that's for sure

[outerwilds-ventures]

waves violently i wanna hear about it i wanna hear about it :D it sounds super cool

- pots:3

POTS POTS!! hello helloo !! /vpos

alright, so

it's about a secret and non governmental organization that was previously called "ordo veritatis" (from latin, "order of truth/the order of the truth). their goal is to strengthen something called "the membrane". the name was changed to "ordo realitas" (order of reality) due to some events.

the membrane can be seen as a veil, a "limit" between the human reality and the "other side", a dimension filled with everything that's paranormal. the other side shouldn't be able to come to the human reality easily, but the thinner the membrane gets, the easier it might be for those creatures to access "our world"

there are many ways one can make this veil go thinner, and it all revolves around fear. using rituals to bring those monsters to our 'this reality', spreading horror stories and making up scary rumors. paranormal creatures can be created from simply being feared (which's happened on the series before to the work of a horror novel writer).

and then there are the elements of the other side! they're.. kinda hard to figure out. there are five of them: fear, blood, death, knowledge and energy. each has something called a "relic", a bridge between the source of this element on the other side and the human reality.

blood is strongly tied to strong emotions (specially hate) and the one that currently holding it's relic is the devil.

death is linked to time, and i believe the god of death currently holds is relic? all that's known is that, when not used, a city called "saint cradle" (or many other names) will evolve around it. its citizens are grey people with black stripes on their faces. they have no electricity (since the element of death is countered by energy) and they refuse to evolve, being a medieval-like society. some citizens are used as a fuel to this city, locked in white rooms inside of a cave and being forced to forever worship the "spiral symbol". being formerly made out of something called "sludge", everything on this city is deadly scared of fire (the only thing that can effectively kill it) and the city itself will be extremely hostile towards those who light fire there. time there is faster than outside, so a week there can be hours outside of the city. leaving it is extremely hard, specially when you're marked with the spiral symbol. the comforting idea of a cozy city with everything you need and the addiction to worship that symbol can lead to insanity, like an extreme abstinence. they use crystals for healing, heating things and a sludge crystal is used to permanently turn someone into a citizen. i could go on soo much further about this tbh.

energy is the element of chaos and luck, formerly held by "the host". he pretty much did what he is called. he hosted death games and imprisoned people to deal with luck, riddles and plasma-like creatures by themselves. there were a LOT of them and they're linked to the story of the roman coliseum and the emperors of rome.

knowledge is the element of balance. its relic is held by the sect of masks. the sect is an all-knowing hivemind that strives for balance between the other side and "this side" of reality. they're extremely mysterious on their ways.

fear is the one element we know little to nothing about. all we know is that "the god of fear is watching" and it'll apparently be further explored on the upcoming game. we've only seen two rituals of fear being used this far, and it is unclear what the element revolves around.

rituals are basically "powers", and are performed by people who "transcended", linking themselves to an element of the other side and sacrificing a bit of their sanity by increasing their "paranormal exposition", now called "nex" (that stands for "nivel de exposição", which means "level of exposition").

every character has a nex, and it ranges from 0% to 100%. when you have zero, you've never experienced anything paranormal. 50% means there is more of the other side inside of you than yourself. at 100%, you literally no longer exist. you're taken completely by the other side.

⠀

all of this is just THE BASICS, i didn't even get started on what each season is about.

[menalez]

same gs discourse anon, yeah i feel like the type of people who rarely go against themselves and their instincts in general are people with a very defined sense of self, perhaps self assured people. this doesn't mean they can't be mentally ill or face hardships, it just means those things affect them differently. they're less easily influenced than others i think.

so to extend this to gs lesbians involved in this discourse, these are people who have been very aware of their own thoughts and feelings and able to accurately interpret them from a young age, which is fairly impressive; i believe that's a good quality that we all should seek to have, and I'd like future generations to have those qualities, but im not very hopeful since younger kids being exposed to the internet and thus porn are a very common occurrence these days, there's no way that's not going to have serious consequences in one's psyche and sexuality.

or we could say the more vitriolic people involved in this discourse are in fact not self assured and clear minded, but rather painfully insecure. they have gone through abusive situations, and perhaps they have a lot of doubts themselves, so they latch onto the fact they've never been with men to assure themselves they are indeed lesbians, and lash out at nongoldstars because they threaten their worldview, which is primarily build around self validation, for the purpose of self validation. a form of projection methinks.

sorry for going on a tangent lol

hey sorry for answering late!! i was unwell and i don't like this topic too much bc it does always bring me back to a very difficult time in my life, to some degree. what you mentioned about self-awareness rings very true for me, at least. as someone who faced a lot of trauma and abuse growing up, i grew up incredibly and severely disconnected from myself. i would do things and instantly feel terrible afterwards and feel suicidal and yet i'd somehow never connect the two. i know im not alone on this, many traumatised & mentally ill & abused women have probably also been very disconnected from themselves at one point or another. i had to go to therapy for literal YEARS just so i would be aware of my own feelings and thoughts. and when ur going thru that, ofc you have not processed even basic things and it makes going against ur nature and instincts super easy bc basically ur so disconnected from urself that u dont even know what u want and want u don't want and what you like vs don't like. a lot of the therapy i received was teaching me basic things which are part of our natural survival instincts: eat, itll make you feel better; sleep, it'll help you stabilise ur moods; don't sit in your room in the dark 24/7, it can make you depressed; talk about your emotions, it can help; if something makes you uncomfortable and disgusted, you don't have to do it; etc etc etc.

so i agree that these are important qualities to have when it comes to acting in line with your sexuality. you'd have to be mentally healthy to some degree and you'd also have to be not so mentally unhealthy that you literally don't even recognise yourself or your feelings. im sure many were also mentally ill and traumatised and struggled with recognising their feelings to some degree, and yet still had a stop point, but that's also not the case for everyone and signifies nothing about someone's innate sexuality.

and yeah i feel like at least a few of them clearly seem to latch onto how they reacted to trauma as validation for their own sexualities and that doesn't seem healthy or self-assured to me. it's hard growing up with trauma and it's hard to recognise your feelings after facing it, many traumatised women esp end up having unclear feelings and going thru a lot of periods of dissociation which makes understanding yourself (which is something so basic that it can be baffling to others to realise some of us struggle w this) difficult. so i understand why some with that experience latch onto their gs and the arguments they make to validate themselves. but it doesnt change that the argument is super black & white and ignores the reality that people aren't either polilez bisexuals that are trying to invade lesbian spaces (which are definitely a group of ppl that exist and cause us issues) or goldstar lesbians. theres more nuance than that to our experiences and this is bc we aren't so simple that we always simply act on instinct and can never go against our instincts and integral parts of ourselves. i wish we did bc itd simplify everything but that's literally just not how human beings are

[wigglebox]

Agreed with everything you said, but I was really asking if the non-fandom internet's "lol homophobia" attitude in general re: spn is wrong or if I'm overreacting. It's just everywhere and it seems like everyone thinks it's okay. (Also I meant that Misha gave a better explanation of Dean's reaction than internet randos, agreed that Jensen can't talk about it as easily, sorry if I was unclear. Thanks for answering.)

oh sorry! i got off on a little tangent lol. you can tell my brain functions right?

nah i just spiraled into my own little rabbit hole with that answer lol.

if you're talking about non spn fans calling the show homophobic, then that's a very loaded question and answer because it's such a long and old show with so many people who had hands in it with some of their own underlying biases.

unfortunately, because of how the show ended with that open ended bit on dean's arc not complimenting cas', people will make that assumption. do i think the show is homophobic hell no. do i think some folks involved making it were? hell yes.

i don't think you're overreacting. a lot of folks like to mouth off about the show without ever having seen it or stopped watching here or there or just want to be edgy.

sadly the cons, if jackles doesn't do what these outside judges want him to do, I do fear it'll only add fuel to their stupid fire but my UTMOST hope is that at some point, CMP proves everyone wrong and makes it properly homo-terrific lol.

and no no problem! i'm sorry if i keep reading your asks weird. i've been up since 1230 a.m. for work lol.

agreed mollins gave a great answer, and it's nice because he wouldn't put words in that character's mouth without i think jackles permission so yeah.

i do think some folks online are set in their readings, which is fine, just so long as we aren't mean about it you know?

anyway. i'm sorry if i didn't read this right (again). i have .5 braincells right now.

[dredshirtroberts]

It is....infinitely frustrating to learn more about myself, apply it to my childhood, learn more about my parents and other family members because of it and not be able to communicate to them that they don't have to be the way they are. (long family rant under the cut, probably incoherent because it's a lot of vagaries and hedging details, and also because emotions are high rn)

I'm very clearly neurodivergent. What flavor of that is unclear but it's looking like something akin to either ADHD or Autism (or in a fun twist, probably both!). Learning more about these developmental disorders has made me reflective on how my family does things, what patterns they have, and why they probably missed any early signs i might have shown before my impeccable masking skills kicked in at a young age.

Of course not only do they not believe either of these disorders is real but they also believe that they're all completely normal. Everyone is like them! except everyone which they complain about all the time.

I think if my mom's vision hadn't been as bad as it was, if she hadn't been checked early on for myopia, I wouldn't have known how bad my vision was until it was impossible for me to move around my space without running into stuff, or incapable of reading. It might not have been caught until I was 16. Though that seems improbable considering how absolutely shitballs my vision is, it's unfortunately not as unlikely as I'd like to imagine.

I have a chronic pain issue and have been tired since i was a tyke. No one has ever noticed that anything was wrong with me and since i learned that complaining only gets you ignored and told to suck it up (either from experience or by watching it happen to my much squeakier wheel of a sister) so I just...dealt with it quietly. I figured everyone woke up in pain and exhausted every morning and was just much better at dealing with it than I was. My mom has always complained of similar issues, but I'm guessing she too assumed it was just normal and that she was not dealing with it as well as everyone else in the world, and thus never mentioned it to a doctor.

So mine never got checked, either.

Mom is sensitive to gluten. A few other people are in my family I think. I actually took steps to try and start eliminating it (to an extent, I'm a weak man, I enjoy my bready carbs too much and it's hard to cook for myself/find gluten-free foods that i don't have to make) and since then my symptoms have gotten worse every time i eat it again. So I have to be very careful and aware of when I'm eating it and if it happens accidentally it's worse because I wasn't expecting the attack. But if I had just kept going with it, hadn't stopped eating it regularly, I'd be like my mom, putting myself through hell daily just because i refuse to give up beer, or bread, or whatever on a daily basis.

My family suffers from sleep issues. From pain. From incredible social awkwardness that no amount of being around people can fix. From meltdowns. From anxiety and depression. From chronic procrastination. From people pleasing. From alcoholism and self-medication.

But we function in society as best we can and it goes under the radar and as I learn that this is not normal. That there are ways of dealing with this stuff that are healthier, better, easier than what we've been doing, that it doesn't have to be like this I keep trying to find ways to tell them that they don't have to keep on suffering. Struggling. Hurting.

But what do I know? I'm just a confused girl who thinks she's a boy, who is a hypochondriac, who just can't accept that she's a little quirky and needs to be Special And Different because I'm a millennial. Who is being brainwashed into Leftist Thinking and will come around again eventually, when she grows up finally. Sure I'm almost thirty and these things are just getting stronger/harder to ignore than they were, but if I just find jesus again it'll be fine!

So I have to suffer every time I interact with them because they won't listen and look at themselves and learn from what i'm learning and trying to share. I have to deal with the forgetfulness, with the extreme reactions to minor things, with my dietary needs being forgotten, with being considered dramatic or a liar when i bring up my very serious pain and exhaustion issues, with being dismissed when i try to talk about ways i've worked around my neurodivergencies in daily life to try and make shit work, with being invited last minute to meals where I don't know if I'm going to be able to actually consume any of the food.

And the worst part is, I don't think any of it is intentionally malicious. They don't mean to be like this. So if I lash out, if I try to put up boundaries about it, I am the heel. I'm the bad guy. Because i'm being mean to my mother out of nowhere, I'm forcing all of them to call me a new name, use new words to describe me and how dare I, forcing them to be mindful of their dinner menus and making them feel guilty for not providing me any options to eat—but god forbid i bring a dish specifically for me to eat that no one else can touch just in case they cross contaminate it. It has to be to share. Even if they have a whole meal to eat and I only have one dish that I can consume safely.

They're thoughtless. And selfish. And they have no idea. And it shouldn't be my job, as eldest child (since they won't ever call me son...), to correct them. To point it out.

I probably won't get a birthday this year either, third year in a row running. But let's guilt me about not attending other people's birthday things we celebrate. Yeah.

Yeah.