#since i know it'll be unclear to a lot of people:

[rottmnt-residuum]

Part 21 of Arc II (Part 47)

*falls to my knees* finally... april my beloved

⇇ | ⇽ | index | ⇾

[the-final-sif]

Well, it's for a school research paper and we have to gather data on how social media affects stress and people's mental health.

Thank you for answering my dumbass questions even though it probably seems stupid, i really appreciate it

First off, asking for help on finding sources is not stupid/dumbass, it's the opposite. Smart people ask for help when they don't know what they're doing.

Second, since you said school and not uni, I'm going to assume you're at high school level roughly and not uni/college. If so, then google scholar is going to be a fine starting point for you to find sources. It's generally user friendly and going to provide decently quality for what you need.

Unlike main google, it's been untouched by the AI nonsense and functions mostly like it did 5 years ago. It's also handy because it will often provide free copies of papers when it can find one. It should help you get some good research papers as sources that you can use as citations, and it'll let you save articles/handles citations for you.

Here's a quick guide for what you need to know to use google scholar!

When searching, put in keywords, NOT questions.

For reasons unclear to me, search engines and humans being weird has trained people to type in queries to search engines like questions. This is bad!!! It will get you worse results!! You want to instead remove any unnecessary words and focus in on giving the computer the most unique keywords to match you with what you actually want. For example:

BAD: how does social media affect stress and mental health?

BETTER: social media stress effect mental health

BEST: social media mental health

You really want to par down your keywords as much as possible, limiting connector or filler unless you absolutely need it. The more specific words you use (ie using "depression" rather than the more general "mental health") the more specific your results. Focus on practicing that and you'll do excellent.

With that out of the way, for actual google scholar use:

Right here, we have a very important feature, the free copy. If google can pull up a free public copy of a paper, it will! Always use those when possible.

Always check the date on the research you're pulling! For a topic like social media, I would be wary of pulling any source that's 5 years or older, since it's an evolving landscape! For other topics, the rules vary a lot depending on the topic and quality of research available.

Next up, saving & citation. The save button lets you save an article for later. You can stick it on a particular list. Handy for keeping track of sources. The cite button generates citations for you, in most of the common styles. Saves you having to mess with making them yourself.

Finally! Further research! When you click down here, you can see articles that have cited this paper and related articles. Both are quite handy for exploring a particular topic further as you look for research that builds on what you've found. Particularly when the area you're looking at is niche or highly specific. Also a great way to find systematic reviews of data that are sometimes a bit stubborn about showing up in research results.

Hopefully all of that is helpful, best of luck on your paper anon!

[charlidos]

I'm having a serious bout of nostalgia these past weeks. I started reading from my pile of fanfiction which I've printed over the years. And ended up reading the only Lord of the Rings story I have saved for posterity, namely Calico's brilliant (but sadly unfinished) Viggo/Orlando fic Blood Oranges. And wow, it's really quite an intoxicating read.

It was never a big fandom for me back then, but I remember reading a little, and I remember finding that whole cast quite wonderful.

All of a sudden, I felt a strong need to look back at the Viggorli pairing of yore. Turned out to be a bit of a rabbit hole for me.

I realised I find it very fascinating to have this soon 25 years perspecitve on them, since fandom is usually quite topical. Particularly RPF, since it's quite dependent on that darn thing we call reality.

Looking back at a pairing like Viggo and Orlando is wrought with wistfulness, with all the could-have-beens and never-happeneds. In the now of a pairing, you can fantasise of a future, but with the reality of a past, it's quite different.

I've always been intrigued by the relationship that Viggo and Orlando had during those 18 months of filming LotR. Sharing a make up trailer, getting lost in the woods together, and just generally spending a lot of time together. And waxing lyrically about each other. More than ten years later, O said in an interview that V is his biggest influence, that the way V took care of him on the LotR is something that mattered a lot to him. And that V in general is a legend, a beautiful soul etc. It's quite touching.

But it's also a quite melancholic and wistful statement since O also implies it's not that easy to keep in touch with V because "he's an artist, an ACTUAL artist".

A few years later, O very randomly appeared on a rather odd Italian show where people are reconciled with each other, live on tv. O was there when two estranged sisters were reconciled. O says he has a similiar situation with a "good friend", someone with a similiar age difference as the sisters, someone who used to take care of him. It's not at all clear, but it seems this "brother" gave him a ring with the inscription "To Wherever it May Lead". A line from Legolas to Aragorn which was cut.

(It's a little difficult to hear, but O says that the line from LotR was engraved in the ring when it was given to him, and that he always has it, as an encouragment. I've only found this clip on a Chinese site, hence the subtitles.)

So, it seems to be implied that V gave this ring to O. That O maybe also lost touch with V. And that maybe they've reconciled? It's unclear, but I find it terribly intriguing.

Of course, I know nothing about what's actually going, and it's all fantasy, but it's nonetheless quite a fascinating perspective to look back like this over the years. In my brain - warped by years in fandom - it turns into this EPIC. Either an epic romance, with its ups and downs, loss and great love. Or an epic tragedy, full of unfulfilled desires, bad choices and opportunities lost. There's still some fanfiction written these days (not much, but I'm in awe that there's any at all!). The lovely recent work of chaosmanor really sold me on very wistful, but also quite hopeful, reconcilation fic.

O and V are getting old, but they are still two quite handsome fellows. And I hope there will be a proper, public LotR-cast reunion in time for the 25 yrs mark. They had a few covid-oriented reunions on zoom for the 20 yr celebration, but I hope it'll be live one day.

I would like to see the fellowship of tattoed nine together again, as long as they're all still alive.

[pinktoonie]

Haven't seen anyone talk about this so I will because to me it seems like the biggest obstacle in Rei and Kazuki's relationship and an important through line in the show.

Here comes a long, unpolished post.

As far as Miri goes, the family unit has been established and the two dads are settling in and relaxing into their roles almost a year into having Miri. Ep 7, 8, and 9 established that Kazuki, Rei, and Miri in that order respectively are in this family thing for life 100%.

But we still have 4 episodes left.

Obviously angst is coming, but along with that, Kazuki and Rei still need to address this barrier between them.

Listen to me. These lines from episode 3 have been nagging me since they were first said. They're IMPORTANT.

"I won't ask."

"I wouldn't tell."

The context here is Rei and Kazuki talking about their pasts. Whenever Kazuki brings up a tidbit about his past, Rei will agree if it also applies to him, but he will not elaborate, and Kazuki won't ask him to. Kazuki knows the gist about Rei's family. Who they are and what they do. He doesn't know how badly Rei was/is treated. He can see the scars. I doubt he's ever brought them up though.

"I won't ask."

"I wouldn't tell."

It's a constant in their relationship. But this lack of communication is problematic for two people who have decided to spend their lives together and raise a child.

Here's another example from episode 8

Rei here is bleeding from his forearm. The show even has him pose in a way to show us that it's clearly within Kazuki's line of sight.

But Kazuki doesn't ask. Because Rei wouldn't tell.

However concerned he may be, he doesn't bring it up. He doesn't know where Rei was that night or why he's injured. He can assume it had something to do with his family, which should be worrying in itself. Kazuki is endlessly patient and understanding, but that's not fair to him.

The show even makes it a point to bring this issue up again in the same episode:

So where do we go from here?

There will need to be a moment in the show, where Kazuki WILL ask, and Rei WILL tell.

Or Rei will just open up on his own without prompting. What Rei will tell Kazuki, we don't know, but it'll be something that matters. Something important.

What could it be?

My predictions:

Rei opens up about his past abuse in detail to Kazuki to fully make him understand what his father is capable of (because of the upcoming danger)

Kazuki gives Rei some sort of ultimatum, which results in Rei admitting something, whether that's "I love you", "I need you", or some sort of confirmation that he has no intention of leaving Kazuki's side, not just Miri.

They just have a moment where they open up to each other just because they're simply changing and comfortable enough to talk about the past now. "You didnt matter much to me" is the closest we've gotten.

A "what are we?" convo.

Regardless of the reason, narratively it will have to happen before Rei and Kazuki can move forward with their relationship, whatever that entails. But this lack of communication and vulnerability with each other is what's holding them back.

Lastly, this may be completely unrelated because the show is set in Japan but still caught my eye.

"I won't ask."

"I wouldn't tell."

Sounds a hell of a lot like the old, "Don't ask, don't tell" policy in the USA, which basically stated that non heterosexual members of the military must keep their damn mouth shut about their sexuality. No openly queer people.

Which if we apply it to Rei and Kazuki's unclear partnership... Fitting.

And also considering Rei's homophobic ass speech about carrying on the family and Kazuki sullying Rei's blood (which literally implies he thinks they're sleeping together because the only way to "sully blood" is through sexually transmitted infections), seems like the organization might've also had a sort of, don't ask don't tell policy.

I'm sure I've missed stuff, but these are the points that have been stuck in my brain. All in all, whatever this important thing that Rei will tell Kazuki is, it'll be the catalyst for taking their relationship to the next level of "partnership."

[youzicha]

If you correctly believe that a $10 stock will be valued at $100 five years from now, you can make a killing. If you correctly believe that a $100 stock will be valued at $10 five years from now - but you don't know when it'll drop, or whether it'll rise before then - you probably can't make money off of that.

Both buying and short-selling are in some sense predictions about what other market participants will believe, yes, but successful short-selling requires a lot more knowledge about the market and when its opinions will change, in addition to predicting the fate of the company itself.

This brings us back to the original issue of the original thread: the asymmetry between buying and short-selling means that people with optimistic views of a company can drive its stock up without people with pessimistic views of the company being able to bring its stock back down, even if the pessimists have as much money as the optimists, and even if they're much more grounded in reality. Smart money can't drive out dumb.

lol, I guess this discussion devolved because the original thread contains all kind of issues and it's unclear what kind of point I was trying to make.

I think the very original thing was @raginrayguns obliquely saying that he doesn't think Tesla is overpriced, or at least, that there is no obvious reason why it would be. I have no opinion about that.

In the middle of the thread @raginrayguns comments that "dumb money" is a good explanation for why Tesla was heavily shorted in 2022. I guess that makes some sense? and in fact the price then did go down in 2023, so shorting it back then probably was a smart move.

Then @centrally-unplanned said that "shorts can't mechanically drive down the price of stocks". I disagree with this! I claim that if the SEC made a new rule that "you can't short Tesla" the share price would go up, and if they abolished the rule the price would go down again. Since Elon's wealth is in Tesla stocks, and directly proportional to the share price, it seems fair enough for him to be obsessively angry about short selling. And like @unreliabledragon said, you can get this effect just from the "effective supply": even if nobody changes their mind about the long-term prospects of Tesla in (say) the weeks after the rule change, the price should still move just because of supply and demand. That's what the example I posted is meant to illustrate.

[nekole-doodles]

Part #7 of DSMP-coded song series: Underrated song addition! (Please listen to this song, it's so underrated!)

Very C! Tommy-coded

"Something just doesn't feel right, I'm in a better place, aren't I? Nothing bad's happened in a while, But on my face there is no smile" C! Tommy a while before the nuke finale, probably a bit after Dream burned the fake discs? Like- he would feel like he should feel safer because he technically is, but he's still paranoid about Dream coming after him even though nothing bad has happened yet.

"I can't help but rush the tempo so it is fast" I feel like Tommy would get pretty restless when there is a long period of no action since he's so used to having to always be on his feet and do something. He knows he should probably appreciate peace while it lasts, but he can't help but itch to fight something.

"And I can't help but wonder how much longer I'll last" Again, Tommy being paranoid about when the next bad thing is going to happen and if it will kill him. He *knows* something bad will eventually happen, something always does on DSMP, and he doesn't know if that will be the thing to finally kill him for the final time.

"The pain won't just stop, It'll stay right with you, Damage has been done, It'll still leave behind a bruise" Tommy would almost definitely have chronic pain, not to mention all the crazy events that give him more injuries. He also has some mental/emotional scars from... A lot of stuff, so even if he has reconciled with some of the people who hurt him in the past, he can't just forget the things they have done or said to him that hurt him.

"Realize you're still here, Thoughts still there but unclear" DISSOCIATION (especially post-revival because sometimes, he mentally goes back the Void and still feels dead)

"Nothing ever seems to go away, People say that it will fade" Again with Tommy's constant scars, both physical and mental

"The pain won't just stop, It'll always linger, Underneath the ground, Feel the blood leaving your fingers" Tommy's trauma flashbacks

"You're still here, it's okay" Tommy or someone else like Tubbo or Ranboo trying to reassure him that he isn't in Limbo anymore and that he is alive.

"No matter how hard I try, I can't to put the past behind, No matter how big how small, There's nothing that won't affect me at all" Tommy clings to the past a lot and gets stuck in memories of the past, good and bad. A lot of the things he's been through still affects him and things that reminds him of those events also affect him.

[princess-of-the-corner]

So Enji's state of mind is a little unclear to me (probs cuz I can't remember how we decided he finds out about gay people. I think it's different for different AUs?). Does he find out gay people exist and immediately go "huh. Interesting. Oh shit, that's me. I'm gay. This explains SO MUCH," or does he have to like, sit and stew in his revelation for a few weeks to a few years?

Bonus question, how long does it take him to put together that all his children are some flavor of gay?

Bonus bonus question, does the rest of the lgbtq+ spectrum (including gender queerness) happen in the same conversation as the "so gay people exist" one, or does he just have to wait for Rei's gender awakening on that one?

Okay so the way it happens in the mainline Chaos Children universe is just. God I actually can't find the initial post.

So for one thing this is at the point in CC where Enji is already working on his nonsense. (things happen differently in this au so they find out Dabi=Toya during the Hideout Raid arc and that kicks his redemption arc in, plus the other kids kidnapping Toya back)

anyway!

This whole thing kicks off because Shoto tries to come out as bisexual. (mostly because it'll be hard to hide given his partners are interacting with Enji for school/work/the whole goddamn war thing).

So he does that, and Enji is like 'what the fuck are you talking about??' and they explain that it means he finds both women and men sexually attractive and he's like "???? Everyone things men and women are sexually attractive what are you talking about???'

Which ob BOY the kids take a pause to unpack THaT.

But yeah it's a weird situation where he knew that he just assumed everyone was aware of the sexual attractiveness of both genders, but only male/female relationships existed because that's.... well he's never really seen any indication of the idea of same gender relationships(because he's oblivious as fuck sometimes) so he just. assumed that wasn't something done?

But yeah no they just kinda. Explain that people of the same gender can have a relationship. and also that there are different sexualities like some people don't find men attractive at all. Fuyumi uses herself as an example there because yeah just. Nope. No men. Enji is like "Seriously? Have you- have you seen men though??' which Natsuo is laughing at the situation like 'Sure have! Much better than women!" (So yeah he learns 3/4 but I'm not sure when he learns that it's 4/4?)

and yeah it's certainly a lot of things to process. and he even goes to work the next day and asks Burnin like 'did you know this was a thing??' and she just looks at him trying to process like "what.... what did you think I meant when I said I was taking lunch out to have a date with my girlfriend??" to which he's like 'idk don't girls call their friends 'girlfriends' sometimes?' and she's like 'okay fair point that's confusing totally made that mistake in reverse before and asked out a straight girl'.

On one hand it's a lot to process. On the otherhand! Not knowing that gay people exist means absolutely zero homophobia. and since he no longer cares about the damage to his reputation as a Hero and really does not feel much threat from general homophobes(seriously good luck trying to kick his ass).

He just. Rolls with it? Doesn't care on hiding it?

and yeah there's also the weird Midnight friendship happening somewhere during this and he brings this up to her like 'okay you know things you know about this how does any of it-' and ofc she's gonna dunk on him a little but also def gonna give him the rundown on All That™.

as for the rest of the lgbt and the Rei stuff:

Rei also gets to learn about gay people but it's less in a 'she didn't know' and more a 'she expressed interest in a girl once and her parents told her that same-gender attraction wasn't real it's just something freak pervert sexual deviants do' so she shut it down for 30-odd years until she sees Toya and Hawks being affectionate and is like 'oh that's something to unpack in therapy'. (she knows her parents suck and unpacked some things on her own like their hatred of mutation Quirks and overall misogynistic gender roles, but

While it doesn't take /long/ for someone to bring up the trans stuff, it's not in the same conversation it's more like it comes up and everyone goes 'wait we explained gay people but do you know about trans people???'

Rei's reaction is ofc 'wait you can do that????' though he does have to spend a while sorting out if his feelings are transness or just underlying dislike of her gender via trauma.

Enji initially says he doesn't feel anything gender-wise but..... He does later admit that he really only considers himself 'male' because that's what he's 'supposed' to be? Like he's got a dick, he's always perceived as 'male' by everyone no one would mistake him for a woman, etc. But if those things don't determine your gender, then what does determine it? He has no idea. Which isn't exactly a 'cis' answer but he's not really giving much thought to finding a label.

[khttrpg]

Cracks knuckles.

Alright team. Let's talk the next few months.

The short version is I'm going to have a basic version for v0.3 out by mid-September. The current plan is to finish work on it through June, finish privately testing it by mid-August, and then do a closed playtest with Patreon supporters through the rest of August. I'll make any further adjustments, playtest one more round if needed, and then throw it out to The People!

This is going to be a more compact initial release than previous versions. The version of the game to release will be through about level 21 (out of 100 levels). Unlike V0.2, though, it will be playable at release - no waiting to learn how to make enemies. There are several reasons for this smaller release, but the most important is changeability: this way, instead of needing full years to adjust everything I've made if something about the base game is completely off course, it'll only take a month or so. Quicker turnaround for adjustments!

I'll be sitting down to do a sort of psuedo-Q&A on Friday, June 28 on my Twitch at 7 PM EST- playing some Kingdom Hearts, answering questions as they come up, talking about what I've been up to and longer-term plans. If there's anything in this post that you don't understand or want elaboration on, send an ask, and I'll answer it on that stream!

Some of the big changes you can expect in V0.3, under a cut for brevity (some of the details and names may be subject to change still!):

Combat Stats. You know, in retrospect, there was no good reason to not use KH's existing ATK/DEF/MAG stats and just directly translate abilities using them. The new version has the actual stats used in KH games connected to the more roleplay-oriented Stats from previous versions - e.g. ATK being connected to Body - but ultimately separated in terms of usage.

Sword, Shield, Staff. This will appear in very basic form in this version, to be elaborated on once the core game has been adequately playtested. I've wanted to include the chance to "choose your path" since day 1, but could never find a way to integrate it; the addition of Combat Stats provided a clean opportunity to try it out!

Dice. This was something that got brought up relatively early on in the Discord, but at the time I didn't have the experience to handle it. Now I do! Attacks have a more standardized pattern and there's no longer going to be a situation where you can hit and do 0 damage. Not unless you intentionally do some really bad numbers. I can't stop you from that.

Job Classes -> Job Paths. There was a consistent issue in the first two versions, where the intent of job classes - to be loose guidelines rather than strict classes, with lots of mixing and matching - was unclear. They've been re-contextualized as sets of Abilities, with one feature being a prerequisite to the next. My hope is that this will allow people to view them closer to as intended, on top of some other interesting things that have opened up to do with them.

MP. I really wanted to stick to KH1-style MP because I love the low numbers and wanted so badly to make them work. But ultimately, the MP numbers from KH2 and KH3 were easier to deal with. There's just no #/5 equivalent to 12/100.

Hordes. Yes I've reworked them again. I'm so happy with them this time though!! I think I finally struck a balance to make it both quick and large. Hopefully. Playtesting permits.

Memories. Will finally be a full part of the game! There'll be ~5 options minimum at time of initial publishing. I'd REALLY like to get it up to 7 for that sweet sweet number symbolism, but that won't be a priority for this initial release.

Leveling. There will be a way to calculate the EXP for level ups, and that leveling is simpler to understand.

And other stuff! Some of it in too early stages to talk about for this release, some of it is just formatting, some of it is hard to explain quickly.

I will not be updating monthly, because after trying to make myself do that for several years now, I'm forced to accept that I'm not capable of doing so on a for-fun project. But I will make a concerted effort to be more present here and to keep everyone appraised of the Big milestones, like when I open up playtesting for patrons.

Thank you all so much for your patience, as always! <3

[rxttenfish]

i think ideally i want to include more of merfolk spirituality in the way that they casually think and do things - not necessarily in an overt way, no, but in the sort of ingrained way that works its way into all that they do that shows what a cultural force it is and to help them feel unique in thought.

thats something that always sits at the back of my mind, on how to depict the thought process of an entirely different species, and its something that i never quite feel fully happy with since i worry that itll then be either nonsensical in a way that doesnt feel lived-in or that it'll just feel like a carbon copy of my own thought processes.

for merfolk, thats mostly a lack of hard borders around everything and everything being majorly tinted by their social dynamic, adding in a lot of non-linear thought. they think of things primarily as either song or as a social dance, and tend towards thinking of things in "three-dimensions", being creatures who evolved in an environment where moving up and down requires effectively the same energy as moving backwards or forwards, and being able to conceptualize things better in three dimensions helps with navigation and existence inside of the medium they live in. this also correlates to their songs, aiming for complexity with the higher amount of information they can pack into that same space and to navigate tightly around the social bounds (merfolk having very stiff, non-emotive faces for instance, with most emoting being seen with their fins, means that the majority of how they convey emotion, especially over distance, is with sound and noises.), to the point of being able to form mental maps of their area based solely off of listening to the merfolk around them and what they're saying and singing.

however, all of this means merfolk can also be extremely confusing for landfolk, seemingly leaping from one topic or another or taking great care to restate things and being highly specific or broad and unclear without much of a difference by the merfolk at hand, or just otherwise treating relatively complex topics like theyre much simpler and self-evident than perhaps they might be to others. alternatively, merfolk can end up feeling like conversing with landfolk is too slow or nonresponsive, having a harder time moving at rates that feel natural to them without having to enunciate themselves or go back and explain things that are easy to grasp. to them, landfolk entirely miss most of their emotional complexity and non-emotive, which is fair, because landfolk think the same of merfolk, when we dont really have to specify our emotional response and intent inside of what we have to say and expect body language to serve the majority of that duty. this isnt to say tone doesnt also play an important role, but merfolk are effectively playing with an advanced version of tone which doesn't always map onto ours, and is quickly lost in translation.

but one of the big things to be a "merfolk-ism" would be how much they tend to treat everything as a part of their emotional group, and don't bother drawing hard lines between entirely different objects or contexts. for them, a group might be indistinguishable from the area that they inhabit, buildings and environmental structures being just as important as living elders, or from their relationship to their neighbors, all being as much "defining traits" as the people themselves who live there. which can get confusing, as merfolk might refer to and speak of the dead or historical events as though theyre still alive or still happening, mostly expecting the other person to know that they are dead or in the past, and viewing them and their continued impacts upon the present, or even just them being used as building blocks for the present, as essentially just as meaningful as the presence itself.

[dealbrekker]

Wait I need to know which tsh character you like and why? 👀

Hello friend!!!

I was thinking about this question while I was at work for hours and now have time to answer!

As a disclaimer, I am roughly 1/3 of the way through the book, and since I'm listening to it rather than reading it, I can't cite exact moments, but I'll do the best I can.

I have a crush (questionable status now lmao) on one Henry Winter.

Initially it was because he fits one of my personal types right off. Tall, dark, quiet, prone to shutting himself in the library. And we're told by Richard (a pretty unreliable narrator, really) that people say Henry is scary or frightening and strange. And he's sort of painted this way at Richard's first meeting with him. Aloof, and a bit suspicious or skeptical of Richard's sudden intrusion into the little group.

That sort of behavior always, for me anyway, sets up a mass of potential. Where will this character go from here? I found myself wanting more back story on him. Which we get in pieces from various avenues, mainly Richard and Bunny.

And as we go along, Henry starts to reveal himself to be the most likely to talk to Richard. He's definitely still aloof and quiet, but of the 5, Henry seems to offer Richard the most conversation (well, aside Bunny, but more on him in a minute), and Henry seems the most inclusive of Richard. Charles and Camilla are superficially nice and pleasant, and Francis so far in the telling has been oddly present but also fluttering on the outside of the narrative in my opinion. It's like we know facts about everyone, but Richard has had the most one on one time with Henry and Bunny, so it feels like he knows them best.

Henry feels, to me, the most genuine of the group. He doesn't pretend to be anything other than quiet, reclusive, and tolerant or fond of the others. He takes good care of Camilla when she injures her foot and even her brother is too nervous help, he saves Richard's life when he has pneumonia, and he apologizes for Bunny's bullshit regarding money. He is genuine in the way he speaks to Richard, whereas it feels like Charles, Camilla, and Francis have little of sustenance to say or just feel off somehow. Henry's genuineness is really magnified when you consider Bunny's. Bunny is genuine...genuinely, unabashedly rude, snide, and honestly cruel. And no one else that I can recall has really done much to explain Bunny or chastise him.

I think, perhaps, Henry's moments with Richard stick out so much because he was painted as the scariest one, and that he doesn't talk as much as the others do. So when he does, you pay attention.

I'm currently at the part where he is explaining why they all were about to cut and run to Argentina, without Richard and Bunny. Listening to the explanation is what made me post earlier about him being a special kind of obsessed. It's a very discomforting scene that took place in the woods, even without the accidental murder of the nameless man. I love how it's being told. The events are as unclear as the characters' recollections. But it made me sort of...step back on my initial feelings of Henry. Which I know is pretty funny and ironic considering the way the book opens and you immediately know he's complicit of a murder. Maybe it helps that Bunny sucks that I was keen to like Henry 😂

I think one of the saddest things so far, is that even though he doesn't outright say or even think it during his internal dialogue, Richard is clearly hurting over the fact that none of them were going to say goodbye or tell him anything. He likes these people a lot, for better or worse, and I could sense how abandoned and betrayed he feels at being left out of the aftermath. Heck, maybe it'll turn out he's jaded about being left out of the Bacchanae; I wouldn't put it past him what with the theme of this book. And we know how much he likes everyone seeing as how he covered for them. I get the sense that Henry was perfectly surprised at this, and is regarding Richard a new light.

I'm interested to see how the book progresses, and how we get to the point at the opening of the story. Will I start to care about Bunny more? Will I care at all? What other dark secrets are going on with this group?

Long story short, Henry Winter was exactly my vibe for a while. I can't say he still is, but there's still 1,000 minutes left of this tale. I love a morally gray cast. There is little to nothing to like about any of these people, but somehow I'm still drawn in.

[thoselethalarts]

Hehehe sending you an ask I wanna know this one

3. What ideas come from when you were little

Give us the Lore 💪💪

3. What ideas come from when you were little?

HOOOOO boy, where do I start with this one 😂 Sadly not a lot of ideas of mine really survived my early youth, but I do have a handful of characters + plots that did survive more from my middle school and high school years. Most of those ideas I plan on turning into novels at some point in the near future because they've become such important concepts to me personally.

Colors of War - This is a personal story that I've held onto since my TF2 era, by sheer reason that I've grown FAR too attached to the characters I've made for the fandom since then. Since then the story I've developed around them has really changed and evolved to become something all its own, focusing on the "team" I've made full of fan-characters, instead of being hired mercenaries to toil endlessly in a war over gravel, being something of a yakuza-inspired mafia in modern-age San Fransisco. They use their vast influence and wealth to allow their actions to slip under the radar, though it's unclear what their intentions or goals are to those that attempt to investigate them. All that is known is that those part of the central core of the mafia's power have been alive for far longer than they physically appear to be, and that even when they're killed and declared dead on the scene they just keep coming back.

I'll be honest, seeing how beloved Emesis Blue has become to the TF2 fandom and how well-received it was for people that aren't even well-versed in TF2 lore and mechanics either is really motivating me to continue working on it, and hopefully it'll be received just as well someday!

Diary of an Insomniac (AKA the Dementophobia project) - I first wrote Dementophobia when I was in high school (peak creepypasta era on the internet was back then), and since then the characters I've made for that story, Marcus and Matt, have become really special and important to me. Their story was meant to be a one-off, but then I got the idea for the Creepypasta RPG, a project that I've in a way fully scrapped since its initial development stages. The remnants of that project, however, and the story that I was developing for it I still want to use, and I plan on eventually publishing that story as a full-fledged novel! It's the story I'm working most actively on right now during my downtime at work, and I'm very eager to share it with the world once it's done!

Afraid of Ghosts / The Dead Man's Guide to Hell - THIS is perhaps the biggest project I currently am chipping away at.

Afraid of Ghosts is the home story for my OC Kaz! The basis for the story is based on a dream that I had many years ago that involved ghosts, OFF-style purifications exorcisms, and grim reapers. As far as the story goes it's become distinctly more cathartic in intention over the years, but most importantly is that it is directly tied to a core element that I intend to elaborate on with The Dead Man's Guide to Hell (also known as the Jigoku Project).

The Jigoku project is something I've been very passionate about building for many years, and as such it's become fundamentally connected to a lot of my other stories too, including the Dementophobia project! It's inspired by the album 地獄 (Jigoku) by Aurastys, and is my attempt to breath life into a different sort of perspective/concept for Purgatory, Hell, the afterlife, and the dead. Afraid of Ghosts focuses on grim reapers and their jobs as collectors of the souls of the dead, while the The Dead Man's Guide to Hell is meant to elaborate on every aspect of Hell in this world, why spirits are as they appear, and what happens to the dead when they die, all from the perspective of a man that's passed and is experiencing the afterlife firsthand.

I rambled a bit, but I hope that answers the question well enough 😅

[brick-van-dyke]

Stuck on prompt 5 for (a very late and overdue) khoc week; not because I don't know what to do, but because there's so many things I want to do.

Sort of a ramble about this below: 👇

Also some sliiight spoilers for themes (couldn't help myself) with my fic, but it helps explain why I'm struggling to get something out for this specifically.

Each of my main OCs is an embodiment of the complexities of experiences that can't be defined by light or darkness, especially Zorya who literally is a being of darkness that is trying a third way of handling it; not controlling to destroy it (Xehanort and Eraqus' ideals, or rather the "teachings of light") or even embracing it and accepting it (first step that Riku found), but believing in it; seeing your flaws as a wound to heal, a possibility to be realised, just like how you love people and believe in them, she wants to believe in herself and love herself in ways she hasn't been able to. To kit hate your flaws or see them as something to be "fixed" but loved and cared for. I think Kingdom Hearts is leaning into that in the next arc, but it's not quite there yet.

Meanwhile the other two are also examples of this but in different ways. Yoru is more like Riku and delves into that "first step", but like Riku he still hates and fears his own flaws. He hasn't really fully embraced the fact he's just a person and is allowed to have those flaws yet, same as Riku (which is partly why I'm excited for the aspect of him being in Quadratum since I think both he and Sora will realise that while fighting the personification of that fear and hate towards darkness). Yoru still thinks that he's a bad person for being too curious, too scared, too angry, too this or that. But he also wants to embrace it and change. Which is all great and all when it comes to wanting to be a better person, but he's still healing. And pushing a wound that's still open won't heal it, it'll just worsen it. I want to show that, but it can't really be summed up with just light or darkness; it's both.

And Taiyo is probably the most interesting of all when it comes to the question. He believes he's strictly light, he wants to uphold his teachings and be what he was taught to be. He's exactly like Eraqus and any other Keyblade Master before that, but the thing is he doesn't have a Keyblade and he is forced to realise how human he is. He's a lot like Aqua in that regard, forced to face his limits and understand his own humanity and inadequacy when compared to the perfectionism pushed by his teachers and peers. He has to unlearn all of the toxicity and realise a heart is more than just a means of good or evil, it's also an identity; a means of love and happiness, it's also about caring for oneself as a person, not a tool. So he would say light absolutely, but like every other person, he has his flaws. Even if he himself doesn't acknowledge them.

I want to explain this all in a way that isn't just a long monologue, but by instead showing it. Yet, I also don't want to spoil the full character arcs I have planned in my fic itself or its story and every single theme in it.

Also, darkness and light are treated very delicately in my fic and with my OCs, so I tend to put a lot of thought in whenever I want to show their connections to light or darkness, because it's always very much related to mental health and self discovery and self care. It's about realising that light and darkness are subjective; mailable and unclear. But with that, there's so many ways to show it. I get so excited by that too, which in turn has me writing various drafts and having so many different ideas that it's hard to settle on just one to go with.

TLDR: This will probably be the longest and most thoughtfully written out of all the prompts. The reason I stopped with the last one is because I'm so excited to really make something that makes fans of the series think about what light and darkness really are in regards to this universe. I know it's just a little fun prompt and I don't have to. But I want to. It's fascinating and I think it's a great way to introduce people to the themes of my fic and the ideas these characters all embody.

[fallloverfic]

Nephthys and her relationship with Seth

Okay, let's talk about ENNEAD!Nephthys. And her relationship or lack thereof with Seth, and where things could go in the future for them. This will be spoilery for the entire story at this point.

In short: I don't think they are going to get back together as a couple, and if they do, it'll be temporary. They're too different and they're bad for each other, they both deserve better, and I doubt they want to be around each other. But let's dig into it for folks who think I'm just a Horuseth truther and Nephthys hater who refuses a polyamorous, m/m/f, or m/f conclusion to my favorite BL comic.

Also, to be clear, this is not an anti-Nephthys post. Nephthys is a complex character. Like everyone in ENNEAD, she is also flawed. This is meant to take a deep dive into her evolving relationship with Seth over the centuries. I do not think it is as simple as "once she gets her memories back, everything will be solved and she and Seth can be together again, just like they want," or whatever it is people think will happen.

CW: child abuse, attempted suicide

Nephthys is Seth's sister. From the flashbacks in S2E98, we see that, at least before Anubis was conceived, they were in love, playful, enjoyed flirting, and had at least some fun sex. They stood united a lot (S2E25).

It's possible at least Nephthys wanted a kid (the way she touches her belly after Seth falls asleep after they sleep together has “thinking about baby” look all over it). It's possible Seth wanted one, too. I say this not because of Osiris' nonsense about Nephthys' "excuse" for wanting Osiris' help, or because brainwashed Nephthys seemingly played along with Osiris' suggestion that Seth wanted a kid in S2E99, but because of Seth's excitement in S2E100 after Nephthys says she's pregnant with (assumed by Seth), Seth's baby.

This could just be a guy who's excited at the prospect but didn't think it'd really happen. It could be someone who's been hoping and is finally get confirmation. Seth's expectations in this area are really vague. All we really know about his feelings for Nephthys prior to this are that they were close, and he proposed to Nephthys while Osiris was off fighting Ra (S2E99).

Either way, Seth seemed happy they were going to have a kid. Nephthys, despite her memory mix-up, remembered at least some of what happened with Osiris, and already had misgivings. She tries to justify it in S2E100 with Osiris' words, that everyone will be happy. But you can tell she already has doubts.

Mirror!Nephthys is already trapped in the mirror. She knows nothing even about conceiving a baby. She has no knowledge of the encounter with Osiris whatsoever. Given it's unclear she and Seth were even married (since Seth seemingly just proposed before mirror!Nephthys became trapped), it's unclear how long they were even together. Were they dating for long? Is their sleeping together something new or old? Who knows.

Seth was excited Anubis was his son (e.g., "The happiness I felt when I first held Anubis in my arms." (S1E40, over a panel of Seth holding baby!Anubis and smiling)). Nephthys proceeded to spend hundreds of years lying about Anubis' conception to Seth, Anubis, Isis, and potentially her parents.

Seth at some point began getting angry around Nephthys due to his own doubts (about himself and his work, not necessarily Nephthys' fidelity), so Nephthys wouldn't talk to him: "I always just acted angry so that I wouldn't have to hear what she had to say." (S1E41). This went on for some time up until he learned some of the truth. Specifically, Seth has regrets about his behavior. He felt a revelation of some kind - a bad one for his relationship with her - was inevitable ("I was afraid... ...of being forgotten by [Nephthys and Anubis]. . . . [Nephthys] was probably afraid of things ending up this way" S1E41). He didn't want to be forgotten by Nephthys and Anubis. Seth felt, as a brother, husband, and father, he was loved and important to them. They gave him reason to go to war and fight, even when he was miserable (S2E89).

Nephthys was in so much pain from confessing to Seth and Isis that she begged Isis to kill her (S1E39, S1E42 - "I'm begging you, please kill me!!!"). She then allowed herself to die in the flashback of S1E44, but this was stopped by Isis' curse. Regardless of her screwed up memories, Nephthys tried to die at least twice out of terror/pain/shame, first begging Isis to kill her, and then allowing the fire to slowly destroy her, and then was grief-stricken at the lost chance.

She helped Isis escape Seth's labyrinth. Rather than flee, as Anubis on seemingly multiple occasions tried to get her to do, she voluntarily stayed in an unlocked cell, where Seth ignored her, and she did not confront him (S1E69). She imprisoned herself because she believed she deserved punishment for being with Osiris: "I imprisoned myself because... ...It was only right that I received punishment." S1E69

For hundreds of years (S1E2, "Hundreds of years later"), she did not seemingly help her son (who was abused, in front of her, by Seth, in S1E5), tell him the truth (S1E2), or do anything to try to stop Seth's atrocities. If she did, we don't know what it is.

You could argue that not telling Anubis the truth was a form of kindness, but when her son comes begging to her in tears, I think her actions become a bit less understandable.

Nephthys witnessed Seth beat their son bloody (S1E5). Even then, she didn't flee, or help Anubis. She actually tells him, "You must have faith in him. Everything will come to an end soon. Wait just a little longer" (S1E2), though this is before Seth beat him bloody. It's not clear if Seth ever did that before S1E5, but still. Anubis was under Seth's difficult hand for hundreds of years, and Nephthys seemingly was oblivious, taking so little interest in her demigod son's welfare under an increasingly volatile powerful war god, or she knew and did nothing. She didn't know he committed suicide until the trial was underway, but she either knew he was facing trying times himself and did nothing, or paid no attention to what he was doing.

You could argue she's allowing Seth leeway as Seth's father (Horus considered Seth's actions rather lenient), but it's still kind of off-putting. If what Seth did was fine, I don't think she'd be so horrified to the point of tears, screaming, and reaching out as if to stop it when Seth does it.

The first time she acts is when Anubis brings her his cursed arm + she creates the cursed bracelet, to be used by/on Seth (S1E65). She views this as penance. Not affection.

The bracelet has nearly killed Seth multiple times (S1E65). It still might kill him (I mean I doubt it will, but in-universe, the possibility exists). Seth knows it's a curse from the outset (S1E59), and is unsurprised she's putting a curse on him: "It's been hundreds of years. Perhaps it's to be expected."

Nephthys points out this is the remnants of Seth's curse, and that things have to be righted to restore balance. And that she is doing this partially in an attempt to reduce the gravity of his sins, "just by a little", and possibly bestow harmony upon him as a result (S1E66).

She wishes to bring Seth harmony. Not love. Harmony. He is troubled + could use some harmony to mend his wounded mind and spirit. But he also needs love. And she has none for him. Only recrimination and tears. I'm not saying she should be nicer to him. But this is not necessarily the act of someone who is in romantic and/or physical love with someone. It's more about responsibility (e.g., her talking about the imbalance in human birthrates and why they became gods in the first place).

Nephthys speaks out at Seth's sentencing, trying to take the blame for Seth's actions on herself (S1E66: "Osiris and I were the cause of all this.", S1E69: "The reason why my husband, Seth... ...murdered his own brother, Osiris, is because... ...I betrayed him.", S1E70 "It's my fault!"). It's very noble of her. She sacrifices a lot for it. She blames herself for Seth's madness. And she does push to let him live rather than be dissolved, even if it's partially to save Anubis (S1E72).

She cares about Seth still, even without some of her proper memories. She doesn't want him to die.

There's no evidence Seth and Nephthys even spoke before Seth left Heliopolis (outside the curse delivery scene). He's ashamed of what she might learn about him. That doesn't necessarily means he's in love with her, he just cares a lot about her opinion, and doesn't want her to find him "repulsive" (S1E71). You can just want someone's good opinion without being in love with them.

Since the trial, or at least through a substantial chunk of that time, she was demoted and took a vow of silence and worked under Nephthys, who at least sometimes mocked her. She also helped try to take care of Khnum, who was comatose, and their only lead to track down Anubis, who was missing. Nephthys has repeatedly stood by Isis' side and tried to help her. She stood up to Hathor, to little avail. She's tried to help Anubis, as well, on multiple occasions. And she seems to have improved her relationship with Isis at least a little, even if Isis still seems to hate her on at least some level (S2E73).

Nephthys in the mirror is ignorant of just about all of this. Horus hasn't told her just about anything and no one else seems to have talked to her. She is seemingly aware of Horus as a rival for Seth's affection, and is potentially hostile to this (S2E100). She still seems to love Seth, though after so much time in that other place, she seems a bit distant from things.

At this point, both versions of Nephthys and Seth are also virtual strangers to each other. They haven't been together for hundreds of years - longer for mirror!Nephthys. They haven't even spoken directly to each other, in all that time (outside the cursed bracelet chat during the third match). They are deeply different people, and have been trying to rebuild themselves and find out who they are separately. It's weird to just... shove them together and assume everything will be fine.

Possible outcomes (not all likely ones, just possible):

Option 1:

Mirror!Nephthys is trapped forever, as Horus believes is possible. Regular Nephthys never properly regains her love for Seth. Nephthys has no apparent desire to want to be in a relationship with Seth. She only has regrets and seeks penance. Seth is finding ways of healing outside of her, in someone who accepts him for who he is, rather than seeing him as a kind of penance (Horus). Nephthys is trying to mend her relationship with Isis and Anubis. Nephthys/Seth is miserable as an outcome for both of them in this situation.

Options 2:

Mirror!Nephthys is freed. Original!Nephthys... dies? Is erased? Mirror!Nephthys proceeds to learn about all the terrible things Seth voluntarily did in her absence, learns about an entire son she never knew of, what she did to Seth with the curse bracelet, all the things she didn't do out of self-flagellation, has deep regrets, and needs a lot of time to recover. Seth cannot see past the woman he's known for hundreds of years to the woman who never lived through that with him (or even apart from him but in the same world). He is grieving (like this is a scenario where the woman he loved died) and deeply disturbed. Nephthys/Seth in this instance is sad. Also Anubis essentially loses his mom.

Option 3:

The two Nephthys are both free somehow but not combined. This basically combines 1 + 2 in the worst ways. I can't see either of them being happy with Seth, and vice versa. Anubis is put under even more strain. Seth feels responsible for hurting a whole other person. It'd be misery all around.

Option 4:

The two Nephthys are combined again. Nephthys regains her memories of love. She has still lived through hundreds of years of lies, her own cowardice, and Seth's ill deeds. She has cursed Seth in a way that's nearly killed him multiple times. Seth has ignored her. You could have Nephthys/Seth reconcile and try to get back together. But it would not be instant, it would not be easy, and they'd likely break up again. They are massively different people than the two we see in that happier flashback in S2E98. They cannot reverse time hundreds of years. Nephthys views her relationship with Seth as penance (that's why she stayed in that cell in Heliopolis rather than some cell anywhere else). Seth views his relationship with Nephthys with shame. Nephthys neglected their son, Seth abused their son. They both lied to each other and hid for hundreds of years. Seth also doesn't trust Nephthys, the woman he allegedly loved most, with his worst secret. He doesn't have to tell her. It's his business. But how can he be fully comfortable with a partner he can't be that honest - out of fear - around? And why should Nephthys resign herself to being punished forever (to remain with Seth)? If you like both characters, if you respect them as people, they both deserve better partners than that. And a Nephthys restored needs time to heal herself. Seth isn't necessarily who she needs. Both Nephthys/Seth have been working on healing in their own way. Not necessarily back to each other. But for themselves.

Also, Horus/Seth/Nephthys or Seth with both individually in a polyamorous relationship as an ending does not solve this. Not because I'm insisting "monogamy or bust" or whatever, but because it still doesn't make sense with the characters. Nephthys has no reason to want to be in a relationship with Horus, and vice versa. They've always been antagonistic, even during the sentencing. And Nephthys on her own, again, doesn't work with Seth, even if he gets stuff he needs from Horus outside of his relationship with her.

Anything is possible. Sutekh in mythology has had multiple partners, sometimes at the same time. There's plenty of time for all these characters and their relationships to continue to evolve. Maybe Seth and Nephthys will at least be friends again.

But I doubt they'll end up together as a couple in any capacity. Even ignoring that it's a boys love series and Nephthys isn't considered a love interest for Seth (that's only Horus, Osiris, FG, and Anubis), and Horus is the main and endgame love interest, and Horus is the secondary protagonist and Nephthys is a side character, and the story is meant to center Seth and Horus' relationship, Seth x Nephthys simply does not work as a pairing in canon where the two people involved are happy, and it seems unlikely to do so in future.

I can't read Mojito's mind. I can't see the future. But I can see the marketing materials, and there is no indication of Nephthys being an endgame partner for Seth. It's Horus, not Nephthys, who has prominence on just about every single piece of marketing material. Horus and Seth are on two covers each for the physical release of volumes 1-6, while Nephthys is on none of them.

Nephthys doesn't show up at all on 2/4 of the promotional posters. Seth and Horus are on all 4. It's Osiris (or Anubis) who takes prominence on these as an extra character other than Horus, not Nephthys.

(Well fans kind of assume the hands are the other cast members, which could include Horus, but still).

The Mofun poster art was Horuseth. The special blanket art Seoul Comics sometimes raffles off has Seth, the four male love interests... and Simba, Anubis' cat. No Nephthys.

Horuseth is front and center for the audio drama season 1 art.

Nephthys is behind Seth, and she and him are facing opposite directions, in a rather pointed bit of posing (their paths lead away from each other). She and Horus are facing the same direction, and seem to be paralleling each other, which is interesting not in that it "clearly" indicates Horus won't stay with Seth, but that Horus is facing Seth (whereas Nephthys is facing away from him), because Horus and Seth's paths lead to each other, and Horus is taking up the same pose as Nephthys but with Seth: he is becoming Seth's partner, a role previously held by Nephthys. I don't know if that's what was intended, but that's a possible reading of it.

Mojito is not "refusing to give Nephseth a chance" or whatever. She has written the story a particular way, and the characters are following their arcs. If you want to write fanfic where they end up together, go for it! If you want them to be miserable, as well, go for it! But that's not really the story Mojito seems to be writing. There's a lot of emphasis on Nephthys finding her place at Isis' side, and lately, her being more involved in Anubis' life. And there's a lot of emphasis on Seth reclaiming his identity and role as god of war and guardian god, opening up to Horus, and realizing he can be honest about himself and his feelings, and be loved and respected by someone (Horus). Nephthys only sees Seth's crimes and her own, through a lens of pain and sadness. Horus sees Seth's past, present, and future, with hope. Nephthys needs her freedom. Seth needs proper support and affection.

What happened with Nephthys and Seth is tragic. Not all tragedies have happy endings. Sometimes, the best ending (for the people involved) is the victims finding peace - or harmony - separately. Or with other people. Even if neither of them is the main reason for it (as in this case, where Osiris is the problem). Some wounds cannot be undone. The pain they've both experienced - caused to a degree by the other person in their relationship - regardless of the lies and brainwashing, is real, and they both have regrets and hard lessons they've learned over the centuries.

I think Nephthys and Seth will find happiness in the end. I honestly think they can be friends again. But I don't think there's an endgame scenario where they end up together again, particularly where they're happy being with each other as a couple.

[itsgirlcraft]

Vent

TW body horror vent art (dismemberment, blood, twisted limbs), swearing, lots of caps

Tl;dr: online college reading makes my back ache and my anxiety is off the charts. I keep hyperfixating and tensing my body too much when not doing school, so I'm wasting my energy and getting bad sleep. I want to quit psychology but I fear that's the cowards way out. I'm running out of meds so I only have today and Saturday to get ~5 hrs of reading done.

I'm so fucking tired and half of its my fucking fault. This whole godamn week, actually since I started college, I've had shit ass sleep and no rest and I fucking HATE IT but I KEEP DOING IT AND

FUCK!!!

I'm sorry I know that like all of you mutuals have it hard too I don't wanna put my stupid self-sabotaging bullshit on your shoulders but hhhhhhhh. I'm seething and I can't fucking get any of this BS done and AAA I just want to REST but NOOO, I have to go play minecraft for 5 fucking hours and draw stupid shit for 3 hours and fucking waste my existence away! I haven't gotten a fucking shower in a godamn WEEK! But noooo, I can't just GET UP and do that! I have to fuck around doing bullshit that just hurts my fucking body because of my stupid negative urgency ass!!

((I react really stupidly impulsive to stress and do shit I shouldn't)) it's not even like I'm hurting myself on purpose, I'm just such a bitch I keep the cycle going and going and going and FUCK!! I swear I'm fucking trying I swear to god I hate this too but it NEVER FUCKUNG WORKS I just go a tiny bit feeling okay and them BAM the moment I am stressed or worried I go fuck off to neverland and horrifically fuck myself over!!!

((I've been hyperfixating in a...really bad way lately, more than usual. I'm not talking abt the quirky or cool shit, I'm talking my muscles tense up so bad they hurt and my wrists go numb and my fucking legs twist round each other so bad that I can barely fucking walk.)) Hhhhhhh. It's like cutting off my other leg after college has already broken the other one.

College has completely fucked me over and sent me on a stupid spiral for the millionth time but this time idk if I'll even get out of this in one piece bc this stupid hyperfixating has drained energy that isn't even THERE. I fucking spent just under 2 hours fuckibg reading 16,232 WORDS for psychology on Monday and my fucking shoulders BURNED from sitting tense at my computer and AAAA. Then I spiraled MORE Tuesday bc I didn't wanna do that AGAIN. Bc my stupid ass psych textbook is online only, and DOESNT HAVE A PAGE COUNT OR WORD COUNT! So Monday I didn't even KNOW what I was getting myself into and fucked up!! And then Tuesday I got a word counter that worked for the site and was able to FINALLY finish chapter 1 for psych only to spiral AGAIN! Because THEN I realized it'd take around 3 hours for each chapter and I have to read chapter 2 TOO for this week!

But I thought I had to do it ALL YESTERDAH bc the godamn discussion board bullshit is supposedly due on Thursdays! ((The syllabus is inaccurate, and I only got that Thursday bit from a different document. It's unclear if part 1 is on Thurs or not. The first half is making a FUCKING ESSAY with 3 paragraphs, thesis, citation, etc. And part 2 is responding to 2 people with 8 sentences and a citation but GUESS WHAT! Each response is 1 point! And the main essay/post is 8 points! Combined they're just TEN DAMN POINTS! THERES ONLY 8 WHY DO I NEED TO DO A FUCJING ESSAY?!???!))

I DID manage to do the stupid discussion on Thurs, bc I said fuck it and didn't read ch 2. But NOW I have 3 hrs of reading to do STILL. PLUS I seem to have THE SAME FUCKING AMIUNT FOR ENGKISH!!! I thought English was chill but NOOOO, it has these stupid pdf photocopies of a book and I have to take screenshots to annotate bc otherwise it's just a useless text that I can't do anything with! And it'll probably take like 2 hours to read JUST THE FIRST CHAPTER! THERES THREEE FUCKUNG CHSPTERS LIKE THIS! WHYY!! And I thought reading was GOOD AND EASY BUT NO! My fucking body is so squishy and fragile that it breaks instantly and I can't fucking read for more than an hour and FUCKKK I WISH I HAD A PAPER COPY OF THIS SHIT! BUT ITD COST MOREEEE!!

It's not even like this shits HARD TO UNDERSTAND. I KNOW THIS! LITERALKY I fucking recognize EVERYTHUNG in psych so far like is this NECESSARY?? I KNOW that reading is IMPORTANT and I should do it but FUCK!! IS IT WORTH DESTROYING MYSELF?????

And I wanna quit psych but that feels like the cowards way out bc I KNEW there'd be lots of work. I fucking knew what would come about but here I am!! In the fuckibg spiral! And I haven't said any of this to my mom bc she's tired enough and I just want to get this shit done. I feel like I'm eating my own body and health, sacrificing it, to try to do this shit that I know I probably need to give up on. But I don't wanna just STOP, I DO like psych and I wanna learn!! I WANT to be here!! But I can't fucking get this bullshit reading done and it's driving me insane!!!

AND!!! AND NOT TO MENTION MY FUCKIN MEDS!! My adhd meds are regulated heavily so I only get a month's worth but my pharmacy/doc are so unreliable when filling it that I have to assume I may not have any for a few fucking days. AND THATS A DEATH WISH IN COLLEGE!! One fuckjng day missed is MASSIVE. Even tho I'm all online and shit I CANT RISK IT, but I only have ONE!! ONE! And it's already fuckjnv 4 pm rn and I've still got 10 page for English ch 1 and then the 3 hrs psych reading and the idk 2 hrs English ch 2 reading and FUCK HOW DO I DO THIS??? And I really wanna have a chill time on Halloween so I wanna get next week done ASAP but this week's a bitch in itself and AAAAAAA!!

[matoimech]

I dont tend to do this but things rarely are going like this. I wanted to give a bit of a general update on how things are going on my end being directly in the path of the recent hurricane. Since I'm lucky enough to live directly next to a medical care facility I believe I may have been part of a high priority area to get back online. I've had relatively stable power but with rain still bringing trees down everywhere it's flickered on and off a couple times. My internet was out for a full day even after and I relied on data, as of right now that's up again too but I'm not confident it'll stay that way. I get crappy service at the best of times.

When the power came back on the generator of the medical facility backfired and blew a transformer. The sound was so loud that it hurt both my eardrums and my head, but nothing too lasting I don't believe. Unclear what will happen if they lose power again, no idea the state of their generator.

The community has been having cookouts weather permitting for any food that will otherwise spoil. A single house near town has enough solar power and gas to run grills and other basic amenities as most people are still without power. I went when I didn't have anything and it was nice to sit and talk with folks. We all talked about how roads are down everywhere. A lot of gas stations at the time were completely out of gas, as of today I saw a couple places got that up and running. Not sure about the amount they got supplied compared to usual.

Churches and the food banks are also helping, but I didnt personally visit those. I know the local library also has resources I have access to, including the ability to borrow a mobile hotspot for a week. Might use that next time the internet goes out. I'm not sure how many they have though so I'm hesitant.

We went to the grocery store earlier, several smaller trees are downed on the roads, at least one that I saw directly forcing down a powerline so I figure another smaller outage is an any moment now sort of thing. The Walmart of course is thoroughly cleaned out but without really any other option we got what we could. Also, of course, it seems they removed any sort of sale on essential items to maximize their money. I know that isn't atypical but I find it disgusting so I make note of it.

No frozen foods but I managed to get soup, cereal, and one of the last loaves of bread along with some other pretty basic stuff. If you need me I'll be living off nutella sandwiches and chicken noodle soup for the foreseeable future. All in all I'm doing pretty good, I have a lot more than a lot of folks right now have even just within a couple miles of me. But when I say it's bad out here I do mean it's fucking bad. Doesn't help I quit my job at the beginning of this month. I have savings for an emergency but I didn't exactly expect this in less than 30 days.

[egoweapon]

I still have 4 more posts left in my queue. I'll let them run, but for now, I will probably distance myself from PJM until we have a better assessment of the situation/further statements from the company.

I may return in the future, but the amount of posting will be limited unless things change. Even engaging with the previous 2 games feels difficult.

Of course, this is subject to change given that my good faith in the company is teetering on a thin line right now.

As a long time PJM fan, this has been particularly devastating to watch unfold. Many of my original characters are from LC, and without the existence of LCB, I would have never picked up copies of classical literature such as Wuthering Heights or DotRC/HLM.

It'll certainly be difficult to see them in my house, as I don't think I can ever fully sever the associations I have of them with the characters I love. But I'm grateful to have been introduced to these novels in the first place.

The fate of my nuggets is unclear, but I also don't think I can transpose all of them to an original setting. I'm simply too uncreative for that. But if the worst case scenario comes to pass, I will salvage what I can.

It's a shame. I've watched so many people leave and get rid of all their works entirely within these last 24 hours. So many people I have connected with thanks to PJM's games, who I'm unsure I will keep in contact with after everything that has happened yesterday.

I really don't know… if I will ever find another mainstream game like this with Chinese characters I enjoy this much either. I don't know if I can part with them at this moment. I really don't know. They mean a lot to me, but the bitter taste won't leave my mouth.

I've been writing this for an hour since 4 AM… I hope this is coherent, and thank you for taking your time to read my rambling.