#since i feel like i have to bring out the disclaimers for anons again: if you think im genuinely upset by this i implore you to touch grass

[lovphobic]

i KNOW my town newspaper did not just call dysautonomia a "difficult to pronounce" condition. i am RIGHT HERE (<- xeroderma pigmentosum) and ive BEEN right here. but u dont see MY condition getting a town awareness day

[mcuamerica]

Loving Flames | Part One

Pairing: Eris x Reader

Summary: Amarantha decided to 'gift' you to Eris Vanserra to get back at Rhys. Requested by anon here.

Warnings: 18+ only, canon level violence, alludes to SA, the word whore shows up a few times, (again not proofread), let me know if anything was forgotten...

Word Count: 4.6k

Disclaimer: I do not own SJM’s characters, only the ones I create for the purpose of this story. This is a work of fiction. I do not give permission to repost my work on any other platform or medium. Please be respectful.

Dividers from @saradika

Eris met you when you were 35, years after the war. It was at a High Lords meeting, with your father bringing you along to introduce you to the court. It snapped for Eris in that moment.

You were wearing a spectacular navy blue and silver gown, fabric attached to your shoulders to make it look like a cape. Your wings were tucked in tight behind you to keep from bumping into anyone.

He tried to speak to you that night, tell you about the bond, but his father pulled him away quickly and he didn’t see you again.

The next time he saw you, however, you were by Rhysand’s side in all black, mourning the loss of your father and your mother. And your wings. While Tamlin’s brothers didn’t kill you, they almost did. Taking time with you is what allowed you to live, unfortunately for you.

Eris tried approaching you again, needing to say at least something to you. This time, Azriel, the ever obedient guard dog, growled and told him to leave. These ceremonies were for friends only. Which the Autumn Court was not. That night, Eris gave up on the idea that you and him could be together. He decided to leave you be, and avoid you at all cost.

But then Amarantha came sweeping in. Rhysand brought you to the ball with all of the High Lords when she took their powers. As since Rhysand’s father killed Tamlin’s, she wanted to punish him more than just taking him to bed.

“Beron, which one of these is your heir?” She asked, perched atop the throne. You were standing close to Rhys, his arm around your back. Eris, even though the bond was buried deep down, could feel the nerves radiating down that bridge. You were terrified. That she was going to hurt you. Or Rhys. And what better way than letting your enemy do it or you.

“I am,” Eris spoke before his father could utter a word. His father shot him a deadly look, but Amarantha’s smile widened.

“Good. I’m gifting her to you.” She said and smirked, nodding towards you.

Your eyes widened. Rhys looked to Eris with an even deadlier look than his father, almost saying ‘if you hurt her, you will be killed slowly and I’ll enjoy it.’ Eris stepped forward, soliciting a growl to come from deep within Rhys’s throat.

“Easy, bat, I will be gentle.” He said, unable to drop the mask. He forced his hand to remain steady as he reached it out to you.

You shrunk closer to Rhysand, listening as he leaned down and whispered something not even fae eyes could detect. You looked up to Rhys with pleading eyes.

“Hurry, now, I do not have all day.” Amarantha said, staring at her nails as if she were bored.

With a final nod from Rhysand, you shakily took Eris’s hand.

He did not pull you, instead allowing you to walk with him back to where his father and brothers stood. After that that, he let go of your hand. He promised himself he would protect you, even if you all thought he was a monster. He would never harm you, and never make you do anything you didn’t want to. Not as long as he could help it. His mate. You were under his protection now, and he would be damned if he let anyone harm you ever again.

Deciding to make you suffer even more, since you were the reason Rhysand knew about Tamlin’s brothers hurting you, Amarantha assigned you to a tiny room connected to Eris’s. It didn’t have a fireplace, and it barely fit the small bed that was in it. There was a small room filled with revealing clothing. Specially placed there so you could please Eris, according to her.

But months went by and he did not touch you. He would escort you to court dinners, offering you more food than the small portion you were allowed. You never accepted, eyes always darting for your brother to bring you some sort of comfort. But, Rhys was barely there. If he was, his eyes were cast downwards as Amarantha stroked his arm or his leg, making it clear that Rhys was her obedient dog, her whore. It made you sick to your stomach, but you knew he did it to keep your family safe. So maybe one day you could return to the sanctuary of Velaris.

You flinched slightly as Eris rested a hand on top of yours. “You need to eat, my lady,” he whispered. What seemed to be concern filled his eyes.

“So you can treat me like a pet?” You asked, swallowing your fear.

“So you can survive this.” He said. “I-“ he glanced up as Amarantha stood up to make an announcement. “I will come to your room tonight and I want you to have strength.” He said before she began to speak.

A chill ran down your spine at the thought of what you imagined on your head. You looked down to your plate, taking a small bite of the food. You were no good if you starved yourself. And if you didn’t please Eris like he wanted to, either he or Amarantha would punish you. Probably in front of your brother. Or make him do it.

Eris hummed in agreement to your action, before his attention looked towards Amarantha.

That night, you were shivering in your bedroom. The light set of pajamas doing nothing to keep you warm in the cool room, surrounded by nothing but stone. You perked your head up when the door connecting to Eris’s room opened. He normally used the main one connected to the hall, but tonight he must have wanted to be discrete. Bile rose on your throat in anticipation of what was about to happen, tears welling in your eyes as you body shook from the cold.

“I’m taking you to see your brother.” Eris said quietly. You looked at him, sitting up even more as you curled into yourself more.

“Why?” You asked

Eris’s heart broke at the sight of you, shivering from the cold and near tears from what you imagined he would do. He could be the villain in your story as long as he could keep you safe. But he needed you sane, as well. He would not let you deteriorate under this gods-forsaken mountain.

“Did you not hear Amarantha? She is sending Rhys to do scouting for the next few months. And I’d like for you to get a proper goodbye.” Eris said. “Here,” he said, pulling out the long, wool lined robe for you. “You’ll be warmer in this.” He even warmed it up with his internal heat before he came in here.

You slowly reached out, grabbing it before wrapping it around your body. He saw as you sunk into its warmth, wish that it was him you could find such comfort in.

He held out a hand and you slowly took it. “I’ll need to act like I’m taking you somewhere else, so just stay close and don’t talk.” He whispered before wrapping an arm around your waist. While you would have normally recoiled, you could only lean further into his body heat, much warmer than any you’ve know before. You assumed it was his internal flames burning under his skin, maybe causing his temperature to be much warmer than others. It must have been a nice luxury to have. Though, you were certain he had a fireplace in his room. Not that it would be hard for him to conjure flame anyway.

Eris stole glances at you, hoping that this would make you happier. You hadn’t seen Rhys, at least not at a distance where you could embrace or talk, for at least a year. But Eris knew Rhys would take your unwillingness to eat as Eris forbidding it, or some other malicious thing. Your eyes were sunken, each piece of clothing hung from your body looser as the days passed. You looked tired, exhausted, as if someone was draining the life force from you. No matter how many times Eris had asked, you were never allowed outside with him. Not even on one of the upper balconies. Your punishment for being alive while her friend was dead. It seemed Amarantha wanted to punish you more than Rhys. And Eris was just glad he could be there to protect you from most of her wrath, claiming that his gift shouldn’t be harmed. The things she threatened to do… Eris hoped she wouldn’t figure out you were his mate. Because if she did… even if her and Beron were allies, Eris didn’t think she would spare you much longer.

Eris knocked on a door, one of the shadow wraiths opening it. Your lips turned into a gentle smile as you greeted Nuala, happy to see a familiar face.

At the site of you, Nuala stepped aside. Rhys had bruises all around his neck, where he was staring at them in the mirror. You swallowed and looked up at Eris.

“Five minutes.” He said and stepped back, nodding at you to go in. You tentatively took a step inside, and once you were over the threshold, Nuala shut the door. Rhys turned, his eyes widening as he finally took account of who was in the room.

“(Y/N),” he breathed out rushing over to you. He looked you over, frowning at how poorly you looked. He cupped your cheeks and searched your eyes. Searching for the carefree little sister he knew. “Are you okay? How did you get here?” He asked.

Rhys must have put a shield around the room before Nuala opened the door, if he did not know Eris brought you here.

“I’m fine… I wanted to say goodbye. You are leaving for the outside soon.” You said, your voice quiet and weak. If Amarantha was trying to torture Rhys, she was doing a good job at it.

“Has he hurt you?” He asked.

You shook your head, wanting to say how well Eris was treating you. But the look on Rhys’s eyes told you he wouldn’t believe you. Maybe you needed to make more of an effort to be involved in this ridiculous, cruel court. But would that make you any better than Beron? Would it help you? Would it help your brother?

Rhys pulled you in for a hug and you wrapped your arms around his chest, burying your head in it. “Please come back.” You whispered, holding him tighter.

“I will never leave you here.” He whispered, rubbing your back. “And I will do everything I can to get you away from him.” He said as he pulled away.

“Did Amarantha do this?” You asked as you traced the small circular bruises on his neck.

“She likes to mark her whores.”

You frowned, looking up at the cold look in his eyes. “I’m proud of you.” You whispered. “I want you to know that… you are doing what is right for our family. And I’m so proud that I can call you my brother.”

You could see the words didn’t hit like you wanted them to… and your heart sank at the thought of Rhys not thinking he was doing enough. Or that he wasn’t good enough. “I will see you soon, (Y/N).” He said, pressing a loving kiss to your forehead.

You glanced at the time on the clock, then noticed Rhys had a balcony to go outside. “Fly for me, brother.” You whispered before stepping back. “I will see you soon.” You said before turning around and walking out of the room. You gave Nuala another smile before finding Eris with his back against the opposite hallway wall.

You walked up to him and took a quiet, internal breath. “I’d like new clothes.” You said to him.

His rose his eyebrows, shocked at your sudden urge to talk to him. “Excuse me?” It came out more rude than he meant it, but didn’t let that show.

“I-“ you started and then took a visible deep breath. “If I am to be your gift, I want to be presentable. I would like new clothes.” You said. You had no intention of doing anything for Eris, and the more you could avoid him, the better. But if Amarantha thought Eris favored you, maybe she would let you out. Maybe you could fool her into thinking you were enjoying it. And maybe that would be enough for her to let you leave your room by yourself.

“Okay.” Eris said.

It was your turn to be shocked. You thought you would need to convince him a lot more than that.

“Give me a list of clothes you’d like, and I’ll see what I can do.” He answered, then held out his arm. “Now come, you must be tired.” He said.

You tentatively took his arm, still slightly shocked that he didn’t dismiss you. This male that you knew to be cruel and abusive was nothing but kind, gentle, and patient with you. You started to piece together the times you interacted with him, and couldn’t think of a single time were he was mean. Maybe distant, cold, but plenty of faeries were like that. Your brother was like that a lot of the times. It was a mask to keep him safe. Maybe Eris was the same. Maybe you could trust him.

You faltered as he did not stop at your door, but kept walking a few more steps to his. You looked up at him and watched as he opened the door and lead you inside. Maybe you didn’t escape what you dreaded earlier today.

“It’s warmer in here. If you’d like, you can sleep in here. I can take your room.” He said.

You frowned. “What?”

“Every time I see you, you are freezing. And it’s because Amarantha put you in a room that is meant to be a cooler. Why it’s attached to a bedroom, I don’t know. But I don’t think it’s the proper place for the Princess of the Night Court to sleep.”

“But… won’t you get cold?” You asked, glancing to the door that connected the rooms.

“I run hot.” He said, a slight smirk coming to his lips.

“Why are you being nice to me?” You asked.

“Maybe it will be beneficial to me later on.” He said and shrugged. “But I cannot bring myself to harm you.” He said. “In anyway.”

And he showed it. From then on, you stayed in his room. Soon enough, you offered him to come to your room too. Even with the fire, you were still cold. You supposed it was the lack of food, of sunlight, of fresh air. It was not good for your body. So, you asked him to join you in the bed. Just to sleep. And he obliged, staying on his side of the bed. Until one night, where you were particularly cold after a ‘winter’ ball was thrown.

You turned over to Eris, who seemed to be asleep. You were in an oversized sweater and some loose pants. Courtesy of your wardrobe he provided for you. “Eris?” You whispered.

His head turned towards you as he opened one eye, a small smile coming to his lips.

He would act like this whenever you were alone. When no one could see you, he would show you a soft side. A side that had you wondering where all the cruel things said about him came from. This couldn’t be the same male that left your cousin for dead in the Autumn forest. He was so different than how Mor described him. If he was helping you, why wouldn’t he help her?

“Yes, princess?” He asked.

You weren’t even technically a princess, but he insisted on using the nickname. You were surprised it didn’t bother you.

“Can you… make the fire warmer? I’m cold.” You said quietly.

His eyes flickered to the burning hearth before looking back at you. “Can I try something before?” He asked.

You searched his eyes and, as usual, found no malice. Maybe a hint of mischief, if you detected it correctly. You gave him a nod, narrowing his eyes as he asked for you to turn on your side. Your back facing him.

“Do you trust me?” He asked when he noticed your hesitance. You paused at the question. You’ve been asking yourself the same thing for months. Almost a year now. Could you trust Eris? “Remember what I said? I won’t hurt you.” He said.

You slowly took a deep breath, turning your body so your back was facing him. You tensed up when you felt him shift on the bed, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling her closer to his warm body. “What- what are you doing?” You asked.

“I’m going to make you warm.” He whispered in l your ear, the breath sending a shiver down your spine. In the best way.

Suddenly, you felt his hand settling on your bicep, and your arm instantly warmed up. You relaxed into the warm, smiling to yourself.

“Is this better?” He asked, rubbing your arm up and done as he held you close.

“Much.” You answered, even leaning into his chest more.

Eris became your anchor Under the Mountain after that. You often found yourself clutching his bicep, not wanting to be far from him. He stayed true to his word. He would not hurt you. And, apparently, he wouldn’t let anyone else hurt you either. One day, you were in the throne room as the court reveled, sitting on a loveseat while you waited for Eris to bring you something to drink. One particularly drunk made stumbled his way to sit next to you and got too close for your liking. Right as he was about to wrap an arm around you, Eris hauled him out of the seat. He pushed him back and said something with a growl you couldn’t hear, and then the male was running out of the room. Not many males approached you after that.

Maybe it was because your brother was gone for so long, or maybe it was because Eris was genuine to you. Even when you were out of the room, when he wore that cool uninterested mask, he was gentle with you. His touch was never too tight or too harsh. Was never too high or too low. He made you comfortable. You were starting to like him. As a friend, at least.

For the next 40 years, you were always around him. Even when Amarantha gave you more freedom, you wanted to be near Eris. Rhys started to notice, but didn't say anything as it was only apparent for your affection to his enemy before Summer, Winter, and Day rebelled. And then Amarantha's reign became increasingly strict. With only High Lord dead, and a new one taking his place, there was more tension than ever. Especially because anyone who was caught doing anything suspicious was whipped or tortured in front of the court. Sometimes, your brother would be the one to hold their minds and do it.

However, after finding out that Autumn and Night had nothing to do with the rebellion, she decided to be nice one day and allow you to the upper levels. She gave you in particular one rule, do not go outside. You couldn't help but watch as your brother went out on one balcony. And on the other, Beron and his sons were laughing. Actually laughing. It was only one month when the High Lord of Summer was killed and a bunch of Winter children were closed. Children. And Amarantha was celebrating you all.

Eris, however, was sat across from you on the couch. He noticed the way you longed to go outside, realizing while he was allowed out to visit his court with his father, you were stuck Under the Mountain. You hadn't been outside in more than 40 years.

"You should go, celebrate." You muttered, motioning to his family. "You may not be able to leave for along time." You said, frowning as you looked to your hands.

"I'm just fine in here." Eris said, resisting the urge to lean over and grab your hand. While you never crossed a line of being intimate, or anywhere near it, you had become friendly with Eris. You were more than glad to curl into his side at night, hold his hand at the dining table, or grab his arm while you walked around the passageways.

Before you could suggest it again, one of Eris's brothers peeked his head into the room. "Eris, bring your whore in here." He said.

You internally winced at the term, and Eris glared at his brother. While many people had called you the same, Eris normally corrected them. Especially his brothers.

"She isn't my whore." He growled out. "And if you call her that one more time, Sol, and I will rip your throat out." He said. "Besides, you know she can't go outside."

"Ah, Amarantha will never know." Sol said and smirked. "We'll distract the bat, you take her out there for some alone time." He said, making his way over to the balcony where Rhys was standing. As Sol pulled him inside, you could visibly see and hear Rhys's growl. He didn't want to be here, but if he could watch you amongst the Vanserras, he would.

"Sol-" Eris called out but groaned when him and one of the other brothers pushed Rhys out to talk to Beron and the Lady of Autumn. About what, you didn't really care. You stayed in your seat, taking a deep breath.

"I could at least open the door." He said and stood up, going over to the free balcony and opening the door to let in the breeze. You stood up, standing in front of the threshold. You closed your eyes as you felt the wind on your face, even if it was light.

The smile that came to your lips took Eris's breath away. Even in this terrible place, you could still find small bits of joy.

You looked down at the gap between you and the rest of the world, Eris standing on the other side. "Thank you." You said quietly to him, holding out your hand for him to take. He squeezed your hand, fighting the urge to pull you over the threshold and into his chest. He could image your giggle and scolding before you stepped back into the room. But before he could answer you, Amarantha burst through the doors with two of her sentries.

"Seems like the little princess can't follow the rules... Ah, Eris, are you trying to disobey my command?" She asked.

Your eyes widened and you immediately dropped Eris's hand. "I didn't go outside." You said quickly.

"No, but you were about to. And Eris was going to help you." She said. Rhys and the others came in.

"Now that I ponder it, I do remember hearing about the two of you sneaking around the passage ways months ago. That wasn't to spy, was it?" She asked. "Acting as lust-crazed fools?"

You never once showed any interest in Eris like that, and yet everyone just assumed the two of you were sleeping together. Or more like Eris was fucking you as he pleased.

"Nothing to say? Too bad." She said and nodded towards the sentries, one of them grabbing you and the other grabbing Eris. Rhys lunged forward to try and protect you, but Eris's brother's grabbed him.

"Relax, bastard, no one's going to hurt the princess." Sol teased.

"What is the meaning of this, my queen?" Beron asked, the ever-loving servant. His wife next to him looked completely uninterested other than a hint of worry for her son.

"We will make sure Eris and the princess never sneak around again." She said, giving a small wave before walking out of the room.

Before you knew it, you were standing in the throne room with Eris on his knees. One of Amarantha's sentries had a whip in his hands. "This is what you get for disobeying my command. And you get to watch princess, for luring him like you did the former High Lord of Spring." She said.

You looked at Eris, then at Rhys, pleading him with your eyes to do something, anything to stop this from happening. Rhys just tilted his head and stood beside Amarantha. Of course he thought Eris tried to pull you out and he would gladly see Eris punished over you.

The sound of the whip rang out, skin ripping underneath it. Beron and his other sons stood, stoically watching the punishment.

"How many month ago was it? 5? You've been sneaking around 5 months?" She asked. You weren't even sneaking around, you were simply walking. "5 more." She said and you struggled against the sentries holding you back. "Oh and another 5 for all those months lying to me." She said.

More sounds of the whip. More skin ripping. You watched as Eris clenched his teeth, never yielding a yell or scream. Like he had endured this before. You, on the other hand, were silently crying. You desperately tried to hold back your tears, but you couldn't.

After the final sound of the whip crack rang out, Eris sagged to the floor. "And 10 more, because I don't like hurting my friends." She said.

"Stop!" You screamed, an instinctual tug at your gut telling you he would bleed out if he received any more. "I'll do anything, stop this. Eris didn't do anything wrong." You begged, the sentries yanking you back as your legs almost gave out from under you.

Rhys shot you a look that essentially told you to shut your mouth, but you didn't see it. You were staring into Amarantha's cold eyes.

"Anything?" She asked. When you let out a whimper and nodded, a side smirk came to her red lips. "What about agreeing to be locked in sweet Eris's room under I die?" She asked. "Seems like a fair trade, since you disobeyed my command of not going outside. And you can't roam the halls with him either."

You let out a gulp, hearing a small whisper from Eris telling you not to do it. "So long as you, or anyone of your behalf, hurts him again. I will stay in his room." You said.

"Unless I command you out to court, you will stay in his room. And I, nor anyone on my behalf, will not hurt him. Until I die." She said.

You stood up straighter, feeling Rhys's eyes on you. "We have a bargain." You said.

"That we do." She said as you used your magic to imprint a tattoo on your back, right where Eris's scars would be. In doing so, you did the same for Amarantha, who only smirked more. "Take him to a healer. And take her to the room." She said. You stumbled as they pushed you towards the giant doors. You watched as Eris's sagging body was hauled up by his brothers, nearly sobbing at the sight of him.

As the sentries pushed you through Eris's room's door and shut it behind you, you suddenly realized what you agreed to. You were going to be trapped in this room forever. Unless she wanted to torment you more. Or she died.

What did you just do?

Part Two

A/N: This was so much longer than I expected and it's not even finished yet.. There will be at least another part! Hope you all enjoyed!

Taglist

[piedinthepiper]

Your girl ☆

Soft!yandere!Jungkook x Namjoons gf!reader

Summary: He’s loved you for a long time and is certain that you also feel the same. The only problem is that you have a boyfriend…aka his best friend.

Warnings: dubcon, angst (arguing), male masturbation, swearing, Jungkook is an asshole, but at least he’s a loving asshole, he’s also delusional and manipulative

Wc: 2.7k

| pt. 2 |

A/n: A small one shot based off this (request). Wrote it real quick and didn’t proofread it, sorry;( hope you like it anon!

Disclaimer: This is 100% fiction. I am in no way saying that this is how any member of bts would act. Nor do I condone the actions detailed in the story. This is purely for entertainment purposes only. If any of the warnings trigger you, or you’re under 18 ¡do not read! I’m not your mother, and I don’t take any accountability for what you decide to read online!

He initially picked the room next to Namjoons room to be close to you. Sweet sweet y/n. The girl of his dreams. Ever since you met in middle school he’s loved you. But he was shy, and nothing like the man he’s now. Perfect for you. But of course Namjoon had to have you first. Namjoon, his older friend that was so calm and collected all the time. Winning over any girl with his big words and romantic acts, and now he got you. And he’s kept you as well. As his own. As his girlfriend.

Of course the two of you would share a room. You’re boyfriend and girlfriend, that’s normal. And Jungkook specifically asked to be next door. Just to be able to hear your laughter in the evening, and seeing you peak out the door in nothing but the white robe the resort you were staying at provided. With cute tired eyes and a small smile. What he didn’t expect was to lay awake at night listening to the headboard knocking against the wall, and your loud screams of pleasure.

The first night he thought that you were just happy and excited by the nice resort Jungkook picked out for Namjoons birthday. It’s natural for a couple to have sex, nothing wrong with it. He thought to himself before putting on his headphones and going to sleep.

The second night he found himself listening for a little longer. He had never heard you moan before, and a familiar feeling in his groin started to appear. He stopped himself as his hand subconsciously started to move towards his half hard dick. It wasn’t right taking advantage of you like that. You were having an intimate moment with your significant other, it wasn’t for his ears, it was for Namjoons. So yet again he put on his headphones.

The third night he didn’t put on his headphones. He didn’t care anymore. Regardless, how would you even know? It’s not like he would ever tell you, and he was the only witness to what he was about to do. He closed his eyes and focused on your voice. Making lewd sounds that went straight to his erection. He imagined you on top of him, riding him as if your life depended on it. Telling him how good he made you feel, how he was so much better than Namjoon. He started following the ruthless rhythm of the headboard. Jerking up and down his cock like a mad man.

“Namjoon!”

You moaned at the other side of the wall, but Jungkook only heard his name. And the simple thought of you screaming his name on top of his cock made him come all over his hand.

This continued for two more days, until the last day at the resort was upon you.

“So what do you want to do for your last day, babe?”

You said before putting a grape between your lips. All of you were assembled by the breakfast table. Namjoon swallowed what he was chewing on and looked in your direction.

“I don’t know, maybe we’ll just chill for today? We’ll travel for a long time tomorrow.”

The rest of the group nodded and came with assuring comments.

“Maybe we should go to the jacuzzi tonight?”

Jungkook who was sitting on your left, leaned closer to you and almost whispered. You looked over at him with a smile and opened your mouth to answer him.

“Great idea, Jungkook! Let’s bring a few bottles and chill in the jacuzzi tonight!”

Namjoon said excited as he overheard Jungkooks words. Namjoon wasn’t supposed to hear it in the first place. The invitation was only for you. But deep down he knew he would never be able to get you on his own. Especially not when Namjoon was there.

The evening came and Jungkook found himself in the jacuzzi as planned. He had made sure none of the other guys sat next to him. That spot was saved for you. Jin and Jimin had instead found their spot opposite of him. While Hoseok sat next to him on the other side. The side not facing the entrance to the jacuzzi. Now he was just awaiting your arrival, ready and eager to sit next to you. You and Namjoon arrived a little while after the rest of the guys had settled. The two of you came jogging towards them, wanting to get into the hot water and out of the cold night air. Jungkook couldn’t help but stare at you. You failed to notice the look Jungkook gave you, too focused on following your boyfriend. You completely missed the way his eyes scanned over your half naked body. Only wearing the blue bikini that Jungkook had grown to love during the week at the resort. He could already see your nipples through the thin bra. Your light jogging made your tits slightly bounce. He let out a sigh, feeling his cock stiffen as you sat yourself down beside him. You felt immediately relaxed once the warm water hit your body. The bubbles doing wonders for your sore back. Namjoon put his arm around you, pulling you closer to his naked torso. You quickly looked up at him, before pecking his lips softly.

“Jk! Why are you so tense? This was your idea wasn’t it?”

Hobi practically screamed over the loud bubbles. Suddenly everyone was looking at him. Even you. He was caught off guard. Not expecting anyone to notice his behaviour.

“I- it’s just that it’s our last day together. I’ll miss being around you.”

He lied. But what was he supposed to say? ‘Oh, Namjoon’s girlfriend gave me a semi, and now she’s sitting so close to me that our thighs occasionally brush past each other’. No. He couldn’t say that.

“It’s fine, Jungkook. You can visit our place as much as you’d like.”

You comforted him. Putting a hand on his shoulder. He gave you a short smile.

“But not too much.”

Namjoon added teasingly. You rolled your eyes at him, even though you were smiling. Suddenly you felt a hand on your knee. You didn’t think much of it at first. It was a cramped space after all. You had been resting your legs on Jin’s thighs this entire time, since he sat opposite of you. It’s just what you do in a hot tub. The conversation continued and you found yourself listening to Jin’s horrible jokes. Occasionally laughing with both Hobi and him.

The hand slid up your thigh, but stopping before it became uncomfortable. You tried looking down, just to see. But the bubbles were blocking your view. No one were able to see what was happening under water.

“It feels nice right?”

Jungkook leaned closer to you. You looked at him and gave him a smile. Leaning away from Namjoon to converse with him instead.

“It feels amazing.”

You answered as you closed your eyes and let out a sigh to demonstrate. Jungkook let out a small laugh. Trying to keep it cool. But all he could think about was the way you just moaned for him. He couldn’t help it anymore. He was too horny and too in love with you to not do anything.

“You look amazing.”

He almost whispered. You barley heard him say it due to the bubbles.

“What?”

You asked, even though you heard what he said.

“Nothing.”

He answered and raised his hands. As he did the hand that was on your thigh disappeared. So it was him? You shook it off. Jungkook was clingy, not just with you with everyone. Right? Once he put his arms back in the water his hand found your thigh again, this time it was dangerously close to your bikini line. You suddenly felt a bit uncomfortable, and reached down. Pushing his hand off your thigh.

“Please don’t put your hand that close.”

You said as if you were just teasing. Trying to not make things awkward. He leaned in closer.

“Why?”

He asked and placed his hand back.

“No one can see it baby.”

He whispered in your ear. You looked at the others to see if anyone heard what Jungkook just called you. But they were all busy chatting about everything else to even notice that the two of you were out of the conversation. You placed your hand over his, making sure it didn’t go further up.

“Don’t call me that.”

You whispered back. He tried to slide further up, but your grip tightened and kept him in the same spot.

“Stop it.”

You said, getting really uncomfortable now. You were happy with Namjoon, and even if Jungkook was attractive you would never ever cheat. Ever.

“Let me make you feel good.”

He whispered.

“No.”

You looked at him dead in the eyes now. He sighed and nodded slightly. His hand on your thigh flipped and suddenly grabbed your hand. You looked down on instinct even if you couldn’t see anything. He swiftly pulled your hand towards him and placed it on his crotch. You tried getting away without making a fuss. But he was way stronger than you and kept your hand firmly around his now hard cock.

“That’s what you do to me, y/n.”

“Let me go right now or I’ll tell everyone here what you’re doing right now.”

You whispered angrily to him. Sick and tired of his game. He contemplated it for a second, but let go of you hand eventually. You got up from your seat quickly.

“Oh, where are you going baby?”

Namjoon asked sweetly. You felt guilty for some reason, and his caring boyfriend voice almost made you cry on the spot.

“I’m done, I wanna go to bed.”

You said as you stepped out.

“Sleep well, y/n!”

Jin yelled after you. Jimin elbowed him in his side. Making him grunt.

“What?”

He asked. All the guys looked at him.

“She’s clearly upset, man.”

Jimin answered him.

“I better go check on her, it was fun while it lasted guys.”

Namjoon said and started getting up from the water. Jungkook quickly got up and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry, I’ll check on her. It’s the last day of your birthday week, you gotta enjoy it.”

Jungkook said reassuring.

“Oh ok. Thanks, man.”

Namjoon said, completely oblivious to Jungkooks real intentions.

The bikini was cold, and the minute you walked into your room you stepped out of it on the bathroom floor. The cool bikini made your mood even more awful. You heard a knock on your door. Namjoon, as the good boyfriend he was, probably came to check on you. You sighed and put on your robe. Even if it was your boyfriend you couldn’t open the door completely naked. You opened the door, ready to fall into his big arms. But he wasn’t the one greeting you. It was Jungkook. Your face quickly soured, and you swung the door back at him. He stopped it before it shut and used his entire body weight to keep you from closing the door.

“Y/n, let me talk to you.”

He said as if he didn’t struggle at all to keep the door open. You on the other hand continued to push with all your might.

“I’m not interested in talking to you!”

You snapped back, slightly out of breath.

“Come on, we’re adults aren’t we? I’m sorry for what I did out there.”

He answered calmly. You stopped pushing, making the door snap back. Since he had leaned up against the door he followed, stumbling backwards until he met the floor. You crossed your arms and looked down at him. He gave you a small smile before he got back up again, closing the door carefully behind him.

“Look, I’m-“

“You’re not staying for long so you might as well open the door back up again.”

You said strictly, sitting down at the edge of your bed.

“Don’t be like that, y/n.”

Your head snapped back to him the second he uttered those words.

“Don’t be like that? Don’t be like that?!”

You got back up and started walking towards him waving your finger angrily in his face.

“Not only did you dirty talk to me right in front of my boyfriend, you also made me touch your fucking penis, Jungkook! You do not get to decide if I’m going to be ‘like that’ or not!”

You said in a fit of rage. His eyes turned big and innocent, not expecting you to lash out on him like that.

“I’m sorry, really I am. I didn’t mean to.”

You scoffed at him.

“Please, what you did out there is nothing that just happens on accident! You clearly meant it!”

You continued.

“Y/n, please just listen.”

“You’re unbelievable!”

“I’m sorry, ok?!”

He snapped back.

“I’ve tried to hide my feelings for you since the day we fucking met. Especially after you chose Namjoon over me!”

It was your turn to be surprised by his sudden reaction.

“I’ve tried to stay out of your business, I’ve tried to leave you alone. But I can’t! I can’t do this anymore, y/n. I can’t pretend that I don’t love you!”

You went quiet for a few seconds. Taking in all of the information you had been obvious to for years. You would’ve never thought he had those kind of feelings for you. He had always only been a friend to you. A good friend. And eventually a really hot friend as well. You couldn’t say that he didn’t look good standing there. In only his black bathing shorts, one leg rolled up over his big thigh. His hair damp and dripping onto the white towel around his neck. Some drops even made it down his muscular torso or his tattooed arm. But he would always be middle school Jungkook on the inside. The sweet, shy kid with a bowl cut and big doe eyes. No matter how many weights he lifted, or how many piercings and tattoos he got. He would still be just a friend.

“I didn’t know.”

You answered awkwardly. Not understanding how he could’ve been able to hide it for so long. You were friends after all, you told each other everything.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. Maybe if I did we would’ve been together by now.”

You shook your head and took his hand. You needed to let him down gently. It sounded like he thought you felt the same, and it wasn’t fear of you to feed into his delusions.

“We could never date, Jungkook. I don’t like you like that.”

His eyes switched from innocent and vulnerable to harsh.

“What?”

You sighed.

“Let’s sit down and talk, hmm?”

You asked, knowing that he easily gets emotional.

“No, y/n. I’m not doing this.”

He pulled his hand away from yours.

“You’re saying that you wouldn’t date me? Not even if I asked before Namjoon?”

“Jungkook, I love you. I really do! You’re an amazing friend. You’ve always been there for me. But that’s it, you’re my friend. I love you as just a friend.”

He went quiet. Jungkook had never been great with handling his emotions. You knew this would hit him hard.

“So you’ve friend zoned me? Without even giving me a chance?”

He said in a snarky tone. You shook your head and rolled your eyes. He wasn’t the one who was supposed to be angry in the first place. It was you.

“You do not have the right to get angry at me after you basically sexually harassed me out there!”

He scoffed at you and took a step forward.

“So this is what it’s about? You can’t love me just because I made one mistake?! Wow, Namjoon must be perfect!”

You stepped forward as well.

“No it’s not! I don’t like you the way I like Namjoon! You can’t get everything you want, grow up!”

You yelled back at him, as the two of you were now arguing with each other.

“I’m the one that needs to grow up?! You’re the one that made a scene, just because I touched you a little!”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?! You didn’t just touch me, you made me touch your fucking penis!”

“Come on! It was just over the shorts!”

“You’re disgusting!”

A loud knock stopped both of you from arguing. The two of you looked over at the door. You scoffed and pushed him aside when he didn’t do anything. You opened the door, still visibly upset from the argument. Outside stood Namjoon, with the rest of the guys behind him. They all were completely in shock, and they were definitely not hiding it. Jungkook rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

“These walls are pretty thin aren’t they?”

——————————————————————————

Thank you for reading! Do you want to read more?

Masterlist

[moonstruckme]

On Thin Ice

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

This was requested by anon, but I'm not including the request because I'm going to write at least one more part and I don't want to spoil anything. But thanks so much for requesting, anon my love! I'm really having fun with it :) Also, just a disclaimer that I know next to nothing about figure skating, so while I tried to look most things up, there may be some inaccuracies

summary: when your usual figure skating partner Regulus is injured, you're forced to prepare the most romantic routine you've ever done with Sirius Black. You've known Sirius since you were little and have always found him irritating, but as you spend more and more time together, your feelings towards him start to change

cw: mention of injury (no details), Sirius Black is a relentless flirt

Figure Skater!Sirius Black x fem!reader ♡ 3.3k words

You want to be kinder to your friend, but you’re a bit angry with him. You’re not great at hiding it, either.

“It’s not like I can fucking help it.” Regulus rolls his eyes, and you do your best to undo the petulant pout of your lips. 

“I know,” you sigh. “I know that. I’m sorry, it’s just, seriously? Why can’t Coach give me someone else?”

“You know why.” 

You blow out another huffy breath, because you do know, but that doesn’t make you like it any better. Sirius is our best bet, your coach had told you, firm and impassive to your protests. He’s great on the ice, he always scores well, and Reg can teach him the routine while they’re at home. If we used anyone else, we’d lose time while they learned it. You’d sulked, and he’d given you a stern look. So suck it up. 

And you’re trying. Kind of. You wouldn’t ordinarily consider yourself an ill-tempered person, but Sirius Black brings out the worst in you. Always has. He’s Regulus’ irritating older brother, always around to pull your pigtails when you were little and make fun of everything you and Reg enjoyed as you got older. And in everything you love about your best friend, Sirius is the opposite. Where Regulus is restrained, Sirius is brash; where Regulus is content with a few close friends, Sirius needs an entire posse around him at all times; where Regulus has a quick, quiet wit, Sirius seems to feel a joke isn’t worth telling if everyone can’t hear it. He’s loud and facetious and insufferable, and now he’s your partner in the most intimate routine you’ve ever done.

“I know,” you groan again, falling back onto Regulus’ bed. “I just wish I could change it. Who do I have to bribe to get you a miracle recovery?”

Regulus scoffs, but he lies down beside you sympathetically. “The doctor said it should be better by next season, but a fractured ankle doesn’t fix itself in a couple weeks.” His voice turns bitter. “Trust me, I asked.” 

You wince guiltily. You’re not the only one suffering from Regulus’ incapacity. You’d both been practicing this routine for weeks. It was one of the most challenging and showy either of you have ever done. You were both supposed to have the chance to really shine, showing off your skills with complicated jumps and throws, some of which you’d never attempted before. But now Reg wouldn’t get the chance.

Ironically, it had been a fairly simple routine that had taken him down. One of your go-tos. You’d been performing it together for years, but maybe that sense of security was dangerous too. It’s too easy to land wrong, and one tiny slip had fractured Regulus’ ankle right in the middle of competition, forcing your coach to come help you get him off the ice. 

You’d cried more than he had as the on-site medics had inspected it, completely unhelpful but unable to bear seeing your best friend’s features twisted in agony. It turned out that was nothing compared to the look on his face when they’d told him he wouldn’t be able to skate on it for months. 

“How does it feel?” you ask, more gently now, and Regulus’ scowl softens in response. “Does it still hurt all of the time?”

“Not really, only when I walk on it. And they said I should be able to do that without much pain soon, just no jumping or anything.” 

Your heart aches with sympathy, and you have to resist the urge to reach over and touch his hand, his hair. Regulus has never much liked being touched, which you understand, but it makes him a difficult person to comfort. You resort to your method with the highest success rate: distraction. 

“Well, at least the cast is a fun accessory,” you say, forcing levity into your voice. “We could draw on it, it’ll be like having tattoos.” 

“Pass,” Reg replies disinterestedly. “Tattoos are more my brother’s aesthetic than mine.”  

“Ugh.” You roll your eyes, unable to stopper your irritation at the return of the conversation to Sirius. “Do you think Coach will let me have a new partner if I kneecap him?”

“If you’re going to kneecap someone,” comes a cool voice from the open doorway, “it’s probably best not to ponder your scheme so loudly in their house.” 

You raise your head to find Sirius leaning against the door frame, arms crossed insouciantly in front of his chest. He looks at you with the eyes he shares with his brother, but where Regulus’ tend towards cool grayness, Sirius’ always seem to waver between gray and blue, like the sky during a storm. They’re flashing now, amusement mingled with cunning, as you meet them with a glare. 

“Maybe I’m just giving you a red herring,” you say smoothly, “so you’ll never see my actual plan coming.” 

“I wouldn’t put it past you, shortcake,” Sirius replies, grinning when your face goes hot at the nickname, “but I think I’ll start wearing protective gear just in case. Reg, think you could revoke this one’s key until after the competition?”

Regulus pretends to contemplate this, staring up at the ceiling. “No, she’ll only start coming in through my window again.” You grin at him, and the corner of his mouth twitches in response, remembering all the cuts and bruises you used to have when you were younger from climbing the old tree outside his window, late at night when you were both supposed to be asleep. The first few times you’d tried, rotting branches had broken and fallen from beneath you, but you’d kept at it until you’d plotted a safe course. You’re sure Reg would have snuck downstairs to let you in the front door if you’d asked him, but better you get in trouble than him. “Anyway, it’ll be entertaining to watch.” 

“Whatever happened to brotherly loyalty?” Sirius feigns hurt, but gets past it quickly. “Well, I suppose you’ll just have to keep in mind that if I can’t perform, there won’t be a performance. I’ve already learnt half the routine, and I think you might struggle to find someone else skilled enough to catch up in time.” He winks at you, and you scoff, pointedly unaffected. “So I’ll see you at practice on Monday, sunshine,” he gloats, and disappears down the hallway. 

You wait until you hear the click of his door to lay back down, passing a hand over your face exhaustedly. “I can’t believe I’m going to have to deal with that all of the time,” you moan. 

Regulus chuckles wryly. “Welcome to my world.” 

☆ ☆ ☆

“Y/N,” Coach calls frustratedly. “You have to let him throw you, not jump.” 

You’ve almost just followed in Regulus’ footsteps for the upteenth time today, which isn’t exactly in line with your plan of getting Sirius injured, but you figure will do in a pinch. The truth is, your focus has been off all day. Switching to a new partner is always hard; you’re used to Regulus, you’ve spent years learning how to skate together, to anticipate the other’s movements, and finding that rhythm with another person takes work. But learning how to skate with Sirius is more challenging than even you had expected.

He’s distracting, for one thing. He keeps smiling at you, making faces when you mess up, and whispering obnoxious little pointers when you’re in the middle of a complicated move. And his own movements are bigger and more elaborate than you’re used to, lacking Regulus’ control. You can see, objectively, how it works for him. It gives his performance that extra bit of artistry that Regulus has often been accused of needing, but it makes him more difficult to anticipate. He’s stronger than Reg, too, so he throws you higher, flings you farther, grips you tighter. It’s a lot to learn, but your coach doesn’t seem very sympathetic to your plight. As far as he’s concerned, you’ve wasted almost an entire day of practice and are undoing weeks of hard work learning the choreography with your repeated mistakes. 

You nod at him again, moving to reset, but Sirius slides in front of you. 

“Hey,” he says, “I can feel you tensing when I go to throw you. Is something wrong?”

You cross your arms in front of your chest, breath still puffing into the air between you from the exertion of your leap. “No,” you reply shortly. “I’ll fix it.” 

And really, you should have been able to fix it a dozen tries ago. You’ve practiced throws with Regulus for years now. You’re supposed to push down on Sirius’ shoulders, use the momentum of your spin to give you a little boost, and let him do the rest. But you can’t seem to manage the last part. Sirius’ hands on your waist had discomposed you from the first try, and you keep finding yourself trying to jump off the ground before he has a chance to lift you. It doesn’t work, you know it’s never going to work, but it’s like some fight-or-flight instinct takes over every time Sirius’ hands get close to you. You suspect it’s because you’re so used to Regulus’ touch aversion; this routine is meant to seem romantic, but between the two of you, it had always felt chaste, more about the mechanics of the movements than the meanings behind them. Sirius loves to be touched, though, probably too much. He teases you about how cold your hand is in his, the tentative way you touch his shoulder when you’re supposed to grip it, how you jolt a little when he rests his hand on the small of your back. You’re on edge every second he’s around you, which by the very nature of the routine, is often. 

And so you keep jumping, which causes Sirius’s throw to be stunted when he can’t get a good grip on you, which causes you to fumble your landing. Every. Time. 

“You can trust me, you know,” Sirius persists, looking half earnest for once in his life. “I’m not going to launch you too high or anything. Just let me do the work.” 

“I’ve got it,” you growl, and Sirius raises his hands in mocking surrender, moving out of your way. You glide back into position, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. You don’t need his advice, you’ve been doing just fine without it for years. You’ll get it on your own. 

☆ ☆ ☆

“Why is it,” Regulus drawls, coming into your room, “that when you mess up at practice, it’s still my problem to solve?” He sits on the edge of your bed, careful not to disturb the open bottle of nail polish you’re using. “I’m not even your partner right now, but both Coach and Sirius are complaining to me that you can’t sync up with him.” 

You keep your eyes on your fingertips, sweeping the brush across your nails in careful, measured strokes. “I’m working on it.” 

“What’s the problem?” He sounds more puzzled than frustrated. “Sirius is annoying, but he’s not actually an asshole. He won’t sabotage you.” 

“I’m not accusing him of anything,” you say. “I just…I can’t get it right. I don’t know. He’s so different to you, and I can’t figure out how to make it work.” 

“Well, you’d better figure it out soon,” Regulus replies, not without sympathy. “There’s only a couple of weeks until comp, and it seems like the both of you will need all the practice you can get together.”

You know he’s right, and that’s exactly what you’re dreading.

☆ ☆ ☆

The next practice goes about the same, the only difference being your coach’s mounting exasperation. Actually, no, there is one other change: Sirius’ movements become smoother, more sure, as he grows increasingly familiar with the choreography. 

So basically, he’s getting better while you’re getting worse. 

Though you all know there’s no time to waste with the competition coming up, Coach ends practice early in his irritation, letting you go with strict instructions to get your shit together before you meet again tomorrow. You promise him you’ll try, though you’re both coming to know that won’t be enough. 

You take your time unlacing your skates, shrugging on your jacket and stopping to buy a hot chocolate from the vendor up front before going out into the brisk autumn air. You’d started this new routine after your first practice with Sirius, stalling so that he’d have a head start and you wouldn’t have to walk home in the same direction, but you take two steps outside before you realize your plan has been foiled. 

“Coach will kill you if he catches you with one of those,” you say, and the cherry of Sirius’ cigarette burns orange as he takes a drag, eyes lighting with playful defiance. 

He blows the smoke away from you. “You won’t tattle on me though, will you, sunshine?”

“Reg won’t like it either.” 

“He knows,” Sirius says, as though Regulus’ opinion is of little concern to him. “You took your time in there. Ready to go?”

You don’t try to keep the suspicion from your face. “You were waiting on me?”

“I figure we could use some extra practice.” He drops his cigarette, stamping it out half smoked. “If you’re not too tired, I mean.” You give him an indignant look, and Sirius grins. “C’mon, it’s too cold out here for those leggings.” 

You follow him reluctantly, sipping at your hot chocolate because damn it, he’s right. The wind had been cool when you’d gone into practice, but nightfall has stolen the little bit of warmth the sun provided. You wouldn’t be surprised if you woke tomorrow to find the trees prematurely bare of their leaves. 

The Blacks’ house isn’t far, and your eager pace gets you there in a hurry. You’re thinking you’ll go to Regulus’ room as soon as you get inside, ditching Sirius and whatever humiliation he has planned for you, but when you approach the house, every window is dark. 

“They’re at my aunt’s for dinner,” Sirius answers your unasked question, unlocking the door. “I begged off because of practice.” He laughs as you follow him inside. “Try not to look so happy about it, shortcake.” 

You roll your eyes, starting up the stairs that go to the bedrooms. “When will Reg be home?”

“Late.” Sirius’ voice is close behind you. “You’re welcome to wait for him, of course, but we may as well make use of the time.” On the top step, you whirl, relishing the opportunity to look down on him for once. 

“Fine. What are we doing here?”

You don’t know if you’d hoped he’d be intimidated, but Sirius appears as unbothered as always. “Like I said. Practice.” He brushes past you, leading the way into his bedroom. After a moment, you follow grudgingly.

Like everything about Sirius, his room is loud. Almost every inch of wall space is covered in band posters, medals from competitions, pictures of his friends. There are clothes strewn across the bed and shoes scattered about the floor, but if Sirius is even conscious of the mess, he doesn’t mention it. 

“What did you have in mind?” you ask.

Sirius turns, and when his eyes meet yours, they’re surprisingly determined. “We need to figure out whatever it is that’s been holding you up,” he says. “We’ve gotta get past it.”  

You feel like stomping your foot, but very maturely refrain. You’re about done with the subject of your failures for the day. “I don’t know what it is.” 

“I think you do,” Sirius says cooly. “Wanna know how I know?”

“How?”

He grins. “Because you just admitted it.” 

“You—I just asked how,” you splutter angrily. 

Sirius gives you a knowing look. “Right, so it has nothing to do with you being afraid of me touching you?”

Your face heats. How could he know that? You look at him for a moment, and he looks back at you with that cool, even gaze, like he thinks he’s got you all figured out. As much as you resent him for it, he’s right. You’ve got no shot at a decent score in this competition if you can’t get past your mental block around Sirius. “I’m not afraid.” You roll your eyes, downplaying the admission. “I’m just not used to it, okay? I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but you’re not exactly a carbon copy of my usual partner.” 

Sirius grins again, and for the first time you get the sense that he’s laughing with you instead of at you. “I have been made aware of that a few times over our lives, yes. But okay, you’re not used to it. Let’s get you used to it.” 

You cross your arms over your chest, not sure where he’s going with this but fairly sure you won’t like it. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I’m going to throw you until you can handle it without flinching. Sound good?”

You look at him like he’s stupid. “The rink is closed, and there’s nowhere for me to land here.” 

“Sure there is.” Sirius pats his bed cheerfully. You stay right where you are. Something changes in his expression, and you think you might detect a bit of kindness behind his teasing tone. “C’mon, sweetheart. I don’t know what Reggie’s told you, but I don’t actually bite.” 

You huff, but go to stand in front of him. He’s shed his coat, revealing the plain black shirt underneath, and the sleeves grip his biceps. Even in the poor lamplight, you can see his eyes changing colors like schools of fish as they swim. Now blue, now gray. 

“Alright.” Sirius sets his hands on your waist, and you tense automatically. “See, that’s the habit we have to break. Relax for me, shortcake.” 

His words certainly don’t help, but you do your best, unclenching the muscles in your stomach and legs. 

“Perfect,” he says, then launches you into the air. You barely have time to gasp before you’re landing on his bed, springs squealing in protest. “Okay, next time, try to spin or something.” 

“I wasn’t ready,” you protest. 

Sirius laughs. “I know. Sorry, couldn’t resist. Let’s try to do it like practice this time, yeah? So you go over there,” he motions to the door, “and run towards me. When I throw you, try to spin if you can, but don’t try to stick the landing or anything. Just land on your butt.” 

You roll your eyes, moving to the door. “Yeah, I’m in no hurry to break my ankle like Reg, thanks.” 

He winks. “Just making sure.” He spreads his feet a bit, bracing himself. “Alright, let’s give it a try.” 

It’s easy to remember Sirius is an older brother when he gets all bossy like this, but you comply, gaining as much speed as you can on the way to him before he’s gripping you around the waist, tossing you into the air. You manage a half-turn before your back end hits the bed. 

“Better!” Sirius exclaims, beaming at you. “You still seemed a bit tense, but at least you didn’t try to jump by yourself. Again?”

You can’t help a little smile of your own as you nod, pushing up off the bed and repositioning yourself at the door. 

☆ ☆ ☆

When Regulus gets home, he finds you sprawled on Sirius’ bed with his brother sitting beside you, both thoroughly worn out. 

“Did you fix it?” he asks.

You grin at the ceiling, wondering if it’s your pride or Sirius’ you’re feeling in the air, or both. “I think so.” 

“Coach might get the chance to be mad at me instead, tomorrow,” Sirius laments. “My arms are fucking dead. Too many throws and I might drop you on the ice.” 

“Don’t break my partner,” Regulus says warningly. 

“Yeah,” you second, hauling yourself into a sitting position and going to meet Regulus at the door, “please don’t.” 

You can hear Sirius’ eyes rolling as he says, “I won’t. See you at practice tomorrow, shortcake?”

It’s harder than usual to muster up annoyance for the teasing nickname. “See you tomorrow.” 

[silverflqmes]

you are legit my favorite ffvii writer at the moment dude. if you feel like it, do you think you can write smth about being childhood friends w zack and reuniting with him one day? make sure to take care of yourself 💕 :)

໒⦂ 𝐈𝐍𝐕𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐋𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆.

notes. HELP YOU’RE SO SWEET ANON??? IWOWJDJDK i haven’t written as much yet and i still have lots to learn but that really warmed my heart to hear 🥹🥹🥹 i decided to combine this with another request, i hope that’s okay with you both!<3

genre. fluff + angst

disclaimer. tifa speaking on cloud can either be platonic or romantic — whatever you wanna think just don’t start up a whole ship war bc it’s embarrassing as hell. obviously this is a zack fic so focus on zack smh.

zack fair x gn!reader.

“you’re.. leaving for SOLDIER?”

you shouldn’t be shocked, that was the last thing you should have been since you had been the one to encourage his decision.

and yet.. why did it hurt? you had known that it would, it was only naturally — but not like this.

zack averted his stare from the star blanketed sky, smiling solemnly. “sure am. you helped me realize that becoming a hero is something that i should do — that the world needed my kind of help.. so that’s,” he paused, allowing the evening breeze to shift his dark bangs. “exactly what i gotta do.”

you fell into silence for a moment, pursing your lips together as you considered his words.

it had been your crush’s dream from young, since seeing sephiroth on propaganda and hearing of his endeavors, to become a hero. the life he’d led in gongaga was wonderful, peaceful.. but you knew, deep down, he’d wanted to make that name for himself. that zack was.. meant for greater things.

and you, torn between your feelings for him and the need to encourage him as his best friend.. had no choice but to put aside what you felt to urge him to embrace his dreams.

when he received no answer, the raven haired teen took it as a sign to continue, leaning back on his elbows. “as of now, you’re the only one i’ve told about my decision — cuz well.. as you know, my parents aren’t super chill with it.” he laughed out, shaking his head. “so i’m gonna leave tomorrow night. got everything packed up already, a letter ready for them to pass on and i’ll be good to go!”

“tomorrow night? so soon?” you nearly interrogated him, only to respond with a slow nod. “you have my word, don’t worry about it.” should you tell on your friend? would that keep him just a little while longer if his parents knew and prevented his departure? would he hate you for it and finally give you a reason to stop feeling this way about him?

no.. you couldn’t live with yourself if he had hated you. that was practically death served on a silver platter, your heart would never start again if zack had expressed contempt for you.

for a second, longing flashed in his eyes before he allowed himself to grin, patting your back gently. “you’re amazing y/n!! i knew i could count on you no matter what! i’ll be sure to bring you something real nice from the big city!! and that’s a promise!”

a smile that didn’t quite meet your gaze etched itself onto your lips as you let out a hum of agreement. “you’re the amazing one, zack. i’ll..” miss you. “..be holding you to that promise, so you better keep it.”

three years passed and no sign of zack. the promise stood, but remained unfulfilled.

you should have expected it, that becoming a SOLDIER meant never seeing him again. you knew he was alive, a letter would have come if he wasn’t, and his parents kept you posted thankfully.

yet, there was still an emptiness you felt in his absence. every year, you’d told yourself that perhaps maybe, he would come home to visit this time.

now, having turned eighteen, you had decided to leave the comfort of gongaga as zack once had, and journeyed to nibelheim — a village in the mountains. it was small, quaint as your hometown was, perhaps colder, but after being offered a job through your parents, it called to you.

your mother had been from nibelheim and met your father in midgar — who had left gongaga to pursue a career in research as she had.

despite their retirement, they had developed many connections.. one of which, had been in the mountain village.

when you pleaded to leave and join up with your friend in the city he’d left for, your parents had urged you not to, and were strict on it.. as though something had been terribly wrong there.

you’d never asked why they retired so early on, and just assumed they had wanted to settle since they’d made their money.

but it didn’t.. fully seem that way.

“didja hear y/n? there’s a group of SOLDIERS coming down here tonight. ahhh, i hope cloud is there — i haven’t seen him in years.” your companion and guide sighed out, pacing about idly as you jotted down notes on your observations of the terrain.

tifa had been a friend you’d made upon your arrival. she was a year younger, but a real go getter and great help on your expeditions. in the beginning you worried for her safety, stringing her along as you did — only for her to protect you from the perils you feared.

you’d have to ask if that mentor of hers was willing to show you a move or two on self defense.

“cloud, huh? is he in SOLDIER, too?” you had told the girl before you already about your old buddy, as there was no possible way of her exposing your feelings for him.

and honestly, it was comforting to confide in someone for a change.

she nodded eagerly at your question, smiling softly. “he should be, it was his dream to become a SOLDIER, like sephiroth — that’s what he told me one day before he left.. and he’d promised to always protect me, no matter what.”

your writing seemed to pause at her comment, head lowering as you willed yourself to chuckle despite your anguish. “is that so?” zack, as you recalled, had dreamt of the same. “well, i hope he comes home safe if he’s a part of that group.” you smiled a little, closing your notebook before standing up from your crouched position.

“that should be enough for today, thanks for coming along again — i think i’m almost there with reaching my conclusion on this strange increase in mako spillage on the landscape.. but i just- can’t seem to put my finger on it.” you muttered, knitting your brows together before casting a glance over at mt. nibel- the highest point of the area you had moved to. “whatever, they’re keeping in that reactor.. there’s something really off about it.”

the burgundy eyed female followed your gaze before humming absentmindedly. “yeah.. i’m hoping those guys coming today might know or at least clean up over there.. i’d hate to see what might happen if the pollution intensifies down here.” she answered softly, helping you up before looking ahead. “for now, let’s get back — it’s almost sundown.”

at the mention of the visitors on their way from midgar, your thoughts went to your old friend, but you reprimanded yourself quickly. you would not have hopes again — as they only ever existed to get shattered and turn into despair.

and yet.. that one percentage asking but what if, remained.

the sun had drowned into billowing clouds, a shade of golden casting over the scenery as you walked beside your friend, exhaustion creeping up on you. however, you reminded yourself that the descent was always easier than the ascent.

“and we’re back, thank you for taking the tifa express way~” your travel partner giggled, earning a smile in return from you. she always had a way of brightening the mood with her optimism. kind of like.. nevermind.

the brunette looked around when she found the villagers gathered in the centre, adjusting her hat with a pout. “did we just miss them? i didn’t think we would be this late..”

you copied her actions, letting out a sound of contemplation. “maybe they turned in, midgar is a long way from here.. i’m sure they wanted to just take things easy for the night and start off fresh tomorrow.”

tifa paused for a minute to think before letting out a sigh and nodding. “i guess you have a point — tomorrow, then.” she smiled again, holding out her thumb. “i’m gonna be their guide, i’ll make sure of it!”

you rolled your eyes in amusement before nudging her with your elbow. “whatever helps you sleep at night, tifa.. i’ll catch you in the morning, in that case. i still gotta sort some things with information i picked up today.” a trip to that mako reactor and your research might at last be complete. perhaps.. you could convince the group in bringing you along- especially if your friend would be going.

it was the perfect in!

“mhm, see you in the morning, y/n! don’t be up all night doing that work of yours if you wanna wake up on time!”

with those parting words, followed by a wave, the female dressed in orange walked towards the direction of her home, eagerly greeting her father at the door before joining him inside.

your shoulders fell, a low exhale escaping your lips as you adjusted your backpack. and just like that, she was gone.

you made your way into the inn you’d been staying at for the time being, rubbing your eyes.

it was a temporary arrangement, given you hadn’t fully decided yet if you would be staying permanently in nibelheim. however, the living accommodations worked just fine.

you hadn’t thought yourself difficult to please, anyway. so long as you had the necessary essentials needed to live, all was well. that was what you’d learned growing up in gongaga.

entering the inn, you greeted the host before ascending the steps, pausing when you caught sight of a towering, silver haired.. male? unless a woman could stand at nearly seven feet.. and across from him, stood.. no — had your eyes deceived you?

“z-zack..?”

the conversation between the pair, whatever it had been about, came to a full stop as they turned to face you, shock painting on the face of the SOLDIER with the darker hair.

“y/n..??” he spoke up incredulously, blinking over at you as his jaw fell just slightly. “no way- what’re you doing here.. in nibelheim of all places? i thought you were-”

“in gongaga?” you asked with a small smile before shaking your head. “my parents found me work here, so i moved just a few months ago. never thought i’d see you here, before returning home, no less.”

zack could feel the coldness of your words, piercing through him like icicles tipped in poison. pissed was an understatement.

the taller behind him smiled awkwardly before moving towards his door, not wanting to be muddled into the affairs of his triend. “i believe you both have some catching up to do.. i will see you in the morning, zack.”

the boy in question parted his lips in protest, but the cat-eyed male was gone before he could do so. damn!

awkwardly, he turned to meet your awaiting stare, swallowing thickly.

“sorry, i’ve.. had a lot going on.” he confessed, lowering his head in shame. “i wanted to come home sooner — especially after making first class just recently- but things.. everything that has been going on as of late at shinra, it’s been really messed up.” zack confessed, clenching his fists at his side before letting out a glum chuckle. “and it just keeps getting weirder.. what were the odds i’d find you here of all places?”

you leaned against the window, folding your arms as you gazed out. “close to none. i guess it’s a thing of fate, maybe.” you offered, sliding your eyes back to his zircon ones. “seems my parents were right to not send me to the city with whatever ‘messed up things’ that happened.”

the SOLDIER nodded, allowing a brief silence to pass before smiling. “they probably were, yeah.. don’t think you would have liked midgar much, anyway. it’s all gross and industrial looking.. although!” he blurted suddenly, perking up as though he’d remembered something. “wait right here, i’ve got something i want to give you!”

you rose a brow at his random burst of energy, reminding you that despite the change in his appearance, the development he had gone through.. he was still your zack, and that wouldn’t change.

he disappeared into his room before you could answer, rummaging by the noises you’d made out, which had you shielding your mouth with your hand. “don’t get lost in there, now.”

“like i would!” he laughed before emerging from his quarters, holding out a messily wrapped box for you. “no matter where i went, i always kept this with me, thinking that maybe- just maybe, i would pass through our hometown and find you to hold up that promise i made to you. finally,” the spiky haired SOLDIER paused, grinning brightly. “i was able to fulfill it!”

you blinked in surprise, taking the package into your hand as you felt your face burn despite the coldness provided by the high altitudes of nibelheim. “you.. remembered?”

appalled, zack let out a gasp of offense. “remembered? how could i forget?? a promise is a promise, and i intended on keeping it!” he huffed out before raising his fists before him in excitement. “now come on, open it!!”

overcome with a sudden happiness, to know you hadn’t been forgotten despite the negative thoughts you’d created, you opened up his gift to you with earnest. a glimpse of green entered your vision as you quirked a curious brow. a plant? no.. zack wasn’t the type to keep plants.

finally removing the top completely, you stared down at the present before stifling a laugh into your forearm. “you- you got me a cactuar.. stuffed toy?” you spluttered in surprise.

of course he did — it was zack for goodness sake..

“sure did!! ya like it?? it looked authentic when i saw it in the window!” he answered proudly, placing his hands on his hips.

you continued laughing, unable to contain yourself as you held your stomach. “it’s so random- but that’s.. that’s just like you to get me!” you wiped a tear, allowing a smile nearly as bright as his, or perhaps- even brighter for a change, to replace your initial frown. “i love it a lot, but.. you wanna know what i love more?”

a mixture of interest and excitement sparked in his eyes as he inched closer, eager to hear. “what? what is it??”

having caught your breath, you closed your eyes, holding the plush close to your heart. “being here- reunited with you, again..”

like an invisible string, knots and tangles had appeared in the thread that connected you both. however, it wasn’t impossible to unravel and detangle that which connected you both, to allow an opportunity of reunion.

( even if it was the right place, but sadly.. the wrong time. )

notes. bittersweet open ending cuz well.. it’s nibelheim- anyway, i hope this was okay! i think my writing style kinda changed.. scary. oh well! the support these last few days have been much appreciated<3 tysm you guys, hearts out to you fr<3

↳ return to main masterlist . request rules . send an ask

[gwenllian-in-the-abbey]

Hey Gwen! Can I ask you something? What do you think of this post? https://www.tumblr.com/philhelaena/757011234089566208/thinking-about-how-hotd-introduced-adult-aegon-as?source=share

I don't really agree with it since Dyana is still present in this season and even in the previous season he was the punching bag and scapegoat of the family, but I can't find the words to explain how I disagree. What do you think?

Hi anon. With no disrespect intended to the OP of this post,. I've seen this take floating around for awhile now, that Aegon is somehow completely different from his S1 character and that it's somehow of fandom pandering, and I disagree.

First of all, the idea that half the fandom decided to ignore the fight pits and the sexual assault and focus on Aegon being drunk and funny is just flat out incorrect. At the end of S1 it was hard to write a single sympathetic word about Aegon without someone accusing you of being a rape apologist, and even now, while the casual audiences are more sympathetic towards Aegon, people can hardly say they've been enjoying his character without issuing a disclaimer, "he's a terrible person but ...". Team green has always been in a minority (I think in the polls HBO puts out team green is consistently under 15%), and even among people who enjoy team green, until recently it wasn't uncommon for people to say they loved all the greens except Aegon. On AO3 were more Lucemond fics than there were fics featuring all of the Aegon ships combined. So the idea that the showrunners were somehow listening to the 10 people who admitted to enjoying Aegon back when they were writing the S2 scripts and changing his characterization accordingly is pretty silly.

That said, I do think the show toned down Aegon's awfulness a bit. I think TGC himself probably had as much to do with this as any of the fans. That man is relentlessly advocating for his character, stating again and again that he not simply a villain, that that he is capable of empathy and love, that he is someone who feels too deeply rather than the opposite. The way he talks about Aegon and his children makes it pretty clear that he has a vision for this character and has advocated for certain character choices, and good for him! He cares a lot about Aegon and takes his job seriously and it shows because he has gotten heaps of praise for bringing depth to a character who could easily veer into cartoon villainy, and is winning over the sympathies of people who 2 years ago wouldn't have pissed on Aegon if he were on fire. In fact, recent poll on the main HotD subreddit of all places placed Aegon as the best written character so far and it wasn't even close.

And this is good! Considering what happens to Aegon in S2, as well as the endgame of the whole entire story, it's pretty important that the audience be able to connect with him on some level and feel some level of sympathy for him.

And to be honest, I'd challenge the idea that Aegon had some huge personality switchup between S1 and S2. People have to remember, we had a grand total in S1 of about 8-10 minutes with Aegon. He was not, at that point, a fully realized character. Some people envisioned a much darker character than the show ended up settling on, but those headcanons are as much headcanons as the silly goofy drunk Aegon was, as "good loyal brother" Aemond was. And I have to stress, people can interpret characters however they like, and they can certainly disagree with the direction the writers go with a character, but a character who has 8 minutes of screentime ending up having more facets to him once he appears in a primary role in S2 is not the same thing as a character assassination. And perhaps, just perhaps, the child fight pits were the OOC part and Condal etc. pulled back on that characterization because it was incongruous with the guy who was genuinely baffled when Aemond threw him under the bus for the bastard remarks, the guy dying of embarrassment when his sister roasted him at dinner, crying over a slap from his mother, trying to run away rather than take the crown, and asking Alicent "do you love me?" before crying his way through his own coronation. Aegon was a depressive alcoholic in S1 and remained a depressive alcoholic in S2. Was there a chaotic element to him? Certainly! He's got massive substance abuse problems which completely skews his judgment and inhibitions, making him self destructively impulsive. Is there a darkness in him? Of course! If nothing else, he's a Targaryen prince, someone who has grown up with the power of life and death at his fingertips. And we see this! The show has not allowed us to forget about the ratcatchers (and as you mentioned OP, Dyana is still there too)!

Finally, I will say that people who think Aegon is being shown to be a pure buffoon this season haven't been paying attention. Aegon was gaslit by his family members for four episodes straight because they wanted to keep him weak, and the way to do that was to undercut his confidence and trash his self worth. He was correct about nearly single issue he raised -- Harrenhal, the blockade, the smallfolk, needing to be informed about the battle plans Cole and Aemond were making. Hell, even the assassination attempt is something that Otto himself was planning, and Otto himself ordered landed gentry executed for refusing to bend the knee before Aegon was even crowned, a much bigger deal than executing a few ratcatchers! Aegon has a class clown demeanor a lot of the time, but he's not stupid. The thing is, Aegon could have been spouting the most eloquently worded arguments and they were still going to resist him because they whole entire point was to discourage him so that he would lose interest, Alicent even says it point blank to Otto. The thing is, Aegon has good instincts but lacks the confidence to not second guess those instincts because he knows he doesn't have the experience or the training necessary to be an effective king on his own. Aegon's ability to listen is one of his better qualities as a king in fact (I'm sure the council is missing it now that they have Aemond), but he is too concerned with winning the approval of not just his subjects, but the people he cares for, including Alicent and Aemond. Aegon is remarkably perceptive, and he does have a good sense about people, but this is his weakness and unfortunately his family has zero problem exploiting it. Now, will that continue going forward? Unlikely! Aegon is still evolving! In the span of a few months he's been crowned king, lost a child, been undermined and diminished, and has become permanently disabled due to the betrayal of his own brother. Certainly, he is going to change, for better or worse.

[jesterwriting]

(for that timeloop post,, uhm this relates to the whole body horror thing ((not too much just a brief mention)) so if rn u don't wanna see that SCROLL AWAY!!! OR DELETE ME!! OK disclaimer ends here)

oh man but what if Law did say room anyway and there were impossible scars on your insides... like littered everywhere, they're not fresh but old, almost phantoms that make no sense, because if they were real you would've died. how would he react to that? maybe not when he noticed them crying but after weeks or months, dunno, where they keep skipping his more thorough check-ups (where he uses his devil fruit) since they're anxious about the pains? and think that somehow there are signs of their previous deaths and the mention of them makes it hurt more and more and they just can't do it. but they can't bring themselves to say it because who could possibly believe them? if Law doesn't, it would just feel even worse, won't it? even if they understand his point of view. maybe they even die in front of him and it gets harder to just hold all of that in,,, oh boy. if you think about continuing your oneshot i'll eat it like a starving animal!

pairing: law x gn!reader

contents: slight body horror, slight gore, timeloops, suicide done to restart the loop, hurt/comfort, happy ending,

word count: 1.6k words

note: OHHHHH I LOVED THIS IDEA OH MY GOD. absolutely so smart. anon your mind is huge and i had so much fun doing this request. <33 i really hope you enjoy :33

playlist: caribou - tanya tagaq

a sister fic to this

This had never happened before. You had experienced hundreds of loops, maybe even thousands, and this was the first time Law saw fit to scan you with his Devil Fruit.

Maybe you were getting sloppy. You had a strong immune system so you never got sick, and the first time Law scanned you for your general checkup upon joining the crew, there was nothing of note. You wondered what changed, as if you hadn’t died more times since you joined his crew than you had in your entire life. Maybe it was because the more you suffered, the more reckless you became, throwing yourself into the fray with little regard for yourself. You could take a bullet for your crewmates, so you would. It was as simple as that.

There was a first time for everything, you supposed. A first death, a first breath, a first kill; there were uncountable firsts that one could experience, and you had experienced most of them.

Not this one, though.

You had tried to avoid it for as long as possible. Your captain was a man who carried burdens, ones almost as heavy as the ones on your shoulders. If he knew how many times he failed you — or how many times you failed him — you knew he would take all the blame for himself. As if you hadn’t been the one lying, and fighting, and dying over the course of countless lifetimes.

Law blinked a few times before his brows furrowed and his eyes narrowed. You fidgeted under his stare. If his reaction was anything to go by, he found something horribly wrong with you. While you had experienced slow deaths before, you had never experienced what it felt like to waste away from disease. Maybe you’d find out this loop, you thought, trying to feel nonchalant about the idea and not like you were about to throw up.

“Um. What’s wrong,” You tried.

Law shushed you, the blue glow from his room still surrounding you. You bit your tongue, fingers playing with the hem of your shirt to try and take your mind off of whatever he could have found.

“This can’t be right,” He muttered, one hand cradling his chin. He pointed to your chest. “There’s a scar inside of you, it looks like a puncture wound through your lungs. When did that happen?”

Three loops ago when you fell off a building and onto some rebar. That was a particularly awful death. The last thing you remembered before everything went black was Law’s panicked expression as he tried to put you back together again. There was terror in his eyes. You tried not to think about that part.

“And here,” Law continued, pointing to your abdomen. “There’s a scar running across the length of your stomach. It almost looks as if you were previously disemboweled.”

You had been. Multiple times. It was a common and very disturbing loop ender that you tried to avoid if you could. Watching your organs fall out of you in a steaming heap was never something you liked to experience, but for some reason, your opponents kept aiming for the gut. You wished they’d aim for the heart or the head more often. At least then it’d be quick.

He didn’t stop there, jaw falling open when he stared directly where your heart was. “When were you stabbed, Y/N-ya, this looks recent.” Law blinked a few times before realization dawned on his features. His eyes shot to your face, expression going from open to unreadable in seconds. “How did you survive without my intervention?”

Your mouth was dry. How were you supposed to respond? There was no way you could tell him that you had died on his watch more times than you could count. Law didn’t deserve that. Your captain was a good man, one you loved admired far too much to allow this to weigh him down. He would take your failures to heart, completely discounting the amount of times that he had saved you from having to start anew.

You must have been quiet for too long because Law was speaking again. “Answer me.”

“It’s from a long time ago,” You said.

That was a lie. It was from the previous loop. A quick death by your own hand over the cold corpse of your captain. If Law didn’t survive, there was no point in continuing, and if there was one thing you had grown accustomed to, it was taking your own life after one loss too many. You knew how to make it quick, no suffering. So with a precise hand, you drove your knife into your chest and let the timeline begin anew.

When you saw Law again, whole and alive, you vomited. You were under the impression that he believed that you simply ate some bad seafood, but from the concern that was slowly etching its way onto his features, you weren’t so sure of that now.

“Don’t lie to me.” Law’s eyes flashed, barely contained frustration needling at the corners of him. “None of this makes any sense, half of these injuries should have killed you. The other half would have needed to be treated.”

The truth sat on the tip of your tongue. You felt selfish and needlessly cruel for your desire to tell Law what was really happening. Your eyes burned, and their glassy sheen didn’t go unnoticed. Law handed you a tissue, expression softening.

“I- um.” You hated how your voice cracked. It had been a long time since you told someone about your Devil Fruit. You always died, and they always forgot. For a long time, you thought it was better that way, carrying this weight on your own. The way Law looked at you, though, it made you want to pour your soul out to him. Every pain, every loss, every death lain at his feet, and for once, you could stand unburdened. “It’d be wrong of me to tell you.”

Law’s eyebrows knit together. “Now you’re being stupid.”

“No, I’m not. You’ll regret asking once you know. Don’t pretend like you don’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, you don’t deserve my troubles on top of that. It’s better for both of us if you just forget what you saw.”

With that, you stood and made to brush past Law and out of the room. He grabbed you by the shoulder, not allowing you to go any farther. Though his grip was firm, it didn’t hurt. If you really wanted to, you could wrench yourself away from him.

“You’re trembling.”

Your lower lip wobbled, your resolve ebbing away by the second. “It’s complicated.”

“So tell me.” Law’s lips twitched upwards ever so slightly. “Doctor’s orders.”

You let out a small huff. He didn’t deserve this, but there would always be another loop. This current one hadn’t been going so well, and by your estimation, it would take at least three more before you managed to reach your next checkpoint. It wouldn’t hurt to tell Law what he inevitably wouldn’t remember. You steadied yourself with a deep breath and turned to face him, his eyes met yours with a mix of concern and exasperation.

“It’s my Devil Fruit,” You started. Law leaned back on his heels and crossed his arms, attention solely on you. Your heart thundered in your chest. “I’ve died so many times.” Without your permission, your breath hitched. Law’s hand encircled your own with a small squeeze, encouraging you to continue. “It, um, brings me back, I guess. I’ll die, and then wake up in the bunkhouse days earlier, and I’ll be the only one who remembers what happened. All those scars you saw were what killed me in a previous loop.”

He was silent while he chewed on his words.

“How many times have you died since you joined my crew,” Law finally asked.

Your hand was still in his and you gave it a squeeze. “That’s not fair. I know what you’re doing and I won’t let you do it.”

Law’s shoulders slumped as he brought his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I believe you. It explains a lot. I noticed you cry in your sleep sometimes.”

“You watch me sleep?” The tips of Law’s ears were tinged pink while you laughed.

“I was worried so I checked on you.” With a sigh, he began to lead you out of the clinic to his office. “Come on, you’re telling me everything you can remember. We’re going to come up with a plan.”

Humoring him, you followed close on his heels. It didn’t matter how long or how hard you planned, there was no accounting for the unpredictability of the universe. This comfort wouldn’t last long. Soon, you would be dead again and the cycle would start anew. That didn’t mean you couldn’t enjoy sharing a space with your captain, listening to him meticulously craft tactics to keep you, and everyone else, alive.

It wasn’t until four days later you found yourself breathing, though covered head to toe in blood, with the rest of the crew. Everyone was safe and sound, and Law wouldn’t stop looking at you with a smirk on his face. When you found yourself next to him, he bumped his shoulder against yours.

“I told you my plan would work.”

Just like that, for the first time in your life, you were no longer alone.

[exsanguidus]

Controversial opinion; I think Ascended Astarion is the true Astarion. In DnD lore, vampirism amplifies a person's traits for whoever they are at the time they become a true vampire. A Paladin wanting to save people will end up ruling a city with an iron fist to keep people safe. A mage wanting to heal those they love will hurt everyone else to heal them. Astarion was on a journey with Tav - one from being controlled, owned, and tortured to being free, curious, and even powerful. Becoming a full vampire and ascending just amplified that. It forced a self-actualization, not a descent into villainy. I think Ascended Astarion is cannon Astarion. He will always be a vampire, and vampires in DnD are always the amplification of a true self. Without ascention, he is still malleable - but I don't think its what he wants. He wants to be powerful (protected by his own power too - his power being a means to self-preservation), he wants to be loved, seen, and free. Free of hunger, free to walk in the sun, free of Cazador. All these things are true regardless of the path you choose. But, they are all only attainable through ascension. When you ascend Astarion - he gets everything he wants and becomes who he truly is.

I'm going to start this with a disclaimer:

I work in the mental health field professionally and majored in Social & Behavioral Science, which is partly why I felt drawn to Astarion as a sort of case study. Characters rooted in trauma are interesting to me and I enjoy picking them apart to judge how real it feels. I utilize my educational and professional background to essentially guide how I write Astarion on this account.

That said, despite me being a professional in the field, all of what I have to say is my personal opinion and interpretation of Astarion's character based on how I interpret the material Larian gave us and the material that can be found in DND lore. Even in real life, things have variation and not all mental health struggles (getting over trauma is part of mental health) present the exact same way. There are theories that exist to try and explain some trends in mental health studies, psychology, and sociology, but again they're called theories for a reason.

Now, my response to this question will be under the cut and will include spoilers.

I know what lore in particular you're referencing, anon, because I've been going back to it a lot ever since I opened this account.

Astarion very much has an insecure attachment style born from his abuse at Cazador's hands. Specifically, an anxious-avoidant attachment type that leans more towards avoidant when he's first met and then begins to swing more towards anxious as he begins to get closer to Tav and the other companions.

Anxious-avoidant attachment types (also known as the “fearful or disorganized type”) bring together the worst of both worlds. Anxious-avoidants are not only afraid of intimacy and commitment, but they distrust and lash out emotionally at anyone who tries to get close to them. Anxious-avoidants often spend much of their time alone and miserable, or in abusive or dysfunctional relationships. Anxious-avoidants are low in confidence and less likely to express emotions, preferring to suppress them. However, they can have intense emotional outbursts when under stress. They also don’t tend to seek help when in need due to a distrust of others. This sucks because they are also incapable of sorting through their own issues. Anxious-avoidants really get the worst of both worlds. They avoid intimacy not because they prefer to be alone like avoidants. Rather, they avoid intimacy because they are so terrified of its potential to hurt them (Mark Manson, Attachment Styles and How They Affect Your Relationships).

Typically, most studies of Attachment Theory focus on the relationship of parents-children or romantic partners, but it can also be applied to any significant relationship someone has in their lifetime. Attachment styles thus are capable of changing based on new relationship experiences.

If you end up giving him the "good" ending where he denies the Ascension, it's implied in his final dialogue that he's actively working towards having a secure attachment type due to the influences of his fellow worm-afflicted associates - particularly Tav.

I think that it's important to also note that, even if Tav doesn't romantically connect with Astarion, he shows hints of desperately wanting someone to care for him, support him, and love him. He does want to know what sex would be like as something other than a tool, and especially what it would be like to actually want to have it just for the pure sake of enjoying having it.

You have to understand that Astarion doesn't even understand the concept of casual sex or friends with benefits. All those times he had to seduce people for Cazador was not casual sex or a friends with benefits situation. All of them were transactions with a means to an end. He got nothing out of seducing those victims besides the possibility of not incurring Cazador's wrath that night - but even then, there was still a possibility because Cazador was an abuser.

Abusers are incapable of providing genuine safety, but can manipulate their victims into believing an illusion of safety. Often times, they manipulate their victims into this by using phrases like "you made me do this by being disobedient", "it wouldn't come to this if you just did what you were told", and then weaponizing basic needs such as shelter, food, and social interaction. The bare minimum becomes something the victim is expected to be grateful for and viewed as a favor, which means anything beyond the bare minimum is expected to be viewed as a theatrical showing of care and love.

In game, Tav has the chance to hear Astarion tell the story of how Cazador turned him. He basically states that he got attacked by a mob due to a ruling he handed down when he was magistrate and then Cazador saved him and offered him immortality. It can be inferred that in his pre-vampiric days, Astarion had no idea that Cazador was abusive to his spawn.

This is likely because it seems that Cazador is careful about his public image. He doesn't allow his spawn to drink from humans, very likely not just as a means to further oppress them and dampen their potential power they could get from drinking people's blood, but also as a way to ensure there's not just a bunch of people out in the city being bitten and left alive to tell the story - or left dead on the street suspiciously.

He has his spawn seduce and lure people, particularly lower class people that would be harder for general society to realize is missing or just that he knows people who could actually challenge him wouldn't care for (you learn that reading some of the books and notes in Szarr Palace). The only exception to this is the kidnapping of Gur children, but even then it seems to fit his MO as it seems Gur are considered somewhat outcasts from the rest of Baldurian society due to their cultural differences.

It should also be noted that he himself doesn't do these seductions or kidnappings. He specifically chooses spawn to be his lackeys and that's likely so, if shit hits the fan and the spawn gets caught, he has deniability since he wasn't there. It's methodical and thought out to keep as many eyes away from him so he can still obtain what he wants and keep sailing under the radar.

Cazador is this methodical and purposeful as a result of his own trauma, which we learn about from the skull of his master in the dungeon of Szaar Palace. There's one interaction in particular with the skull in which Tav can learn that, at one point, Cazador attempted to rebel and usurp his master. Cazador failed and his master punished him via impalement. Not because Cazador had the audacity to try and usurp him, but because Cazador tried and failed. Cazador's master punished Cazador via torture because his master was disgusted by the fact that his spawn was too weak to succeed in such a plot.

Which brings me to my next point... it's not uncommon for victims of abuse to later become abusers. Hence the term Cycle of Abuse exists. Many abusers who were once victims often have the mentality of either "I'm not nearly as bad as my abuser was, they should be grateful I care enough to not be so bad" or "I survived and it made me tougher, they need to suck it up and let it help them build character" or both. They often fail to view their abuse as abuse and fail to recognize how their experience as abuse victims contributes into making them toxic and abusive to others.

There's many peer-reviewed scholarly articles you can find about the cycle of abuse, but one I particularly find useful is Editorial: Dissociation, and cycles of abuse across generations by David P.H. Jones. It talks specifically about parents and children, but I believe some of the general points made can be applied to Cazador and his spawn, as he crafts a very family-like setting that can be seen in the way that his spawn refer to one another as brothers and sisters.

This would thus make him the father figure, a role exponentially made important by the fact he denies his spawn education on things that could serve to give them ideas or the ability to leave him (for example, Astarion mentions that none of the spawn were permitted to learn about the language of the various symbols around the palace) and he consistently chooses his Golden Children (Favored Spawns) as a means of providing more false security. Do what he says, when he says, exactly how he says and don't complain then you will have benefits. You will be Favored, and to have his favor is the highest honor you could achieve.

Torture is clearly presented as Cazador's primary go-to for discipline. Research has also concluded that trauma has a way of affecting the brain and memories.

Trauma can prevent information (like words, images, sounds, etc.) from different parts of the brain from combining to make a semantic memory. The temporal lobe and inferior parietal cortex collect information from different brain areas to create semantic memory (The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine).

Astarion mentions a few times in-game that he can barely remember his life before Cazador, if at all, and a huge part of that is likely because of all the trauma Cazador inflicted upon him that exacerbated the natural occurrence of memory loss from aging (if vampires experience natural memory loss from aging, that is). This is most likely true for all of Cazador's spawn.

I say all this as a set up to truly answering you, anon, specifically where you say: "from being controlled, owned, and tortured to being free, curious, and even powerful. Becoming a full vampire and ascending just amplified that. It forced a self-actualization, not a descent into villainy."

I can argue that Astarion did not feel free up until after a decision to Ascend or not was made. And I argue that stance due to some dialogue he can have with Tav here he basically states that the power Ascension could guarantee that no one, even someone after Cazador is dead, could ever come in to oppress and hurt him again. Even with Cazador dead, he has such an intense fear of being enslaved and used that he turns to catastrophic thoughts as justification to why he needs to Ascend.

Catastrophic thinking is a cognitive distortion that occurs when people have a hard time weighing the likelihood of certain outcomes and believe that terrible or catastrophic outcomes—which are highly unlikely—become, in one’s mind, salient and extremely likely. (Tom Zaubler, MD, MPH).

Aside from the Gur, whom Astarion can manage to evade and even kill perfectly fine as just a spawn, we're not presented with any hints of another big bad in the vampire world that could possibly want Astarion. As such, there's not really any tangible threat, but rather a perceived threat that he believes is destined to darken his doorstep at any time.

His catastrophic thinking is a trauma response. His belief that he needs to be the most powerful being in the room as a way to be truly free is a trauma response. Cazador broke him down emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually to make him believe that he was weak and trapped. Furthermore, that he remained trapped because he was too weak to do anything about it.

You see how this goes full circle into how Cazador's master punished Cazador for not being able to successfully usurp him? It places blame on the victim, allowing shame and helplessness to root that the abuser can manipulate. We know that Astarion definitely feels shame because he tells Tav that. For most of his dialogue until the boss fight, he's constantly bringing up that he did what Cazador wanted and acted obedient because he had no choice.

This is true, he had to act in self-preservation to survive and unfortunately that meant he had to be subservient. A few dialogue choices you can have your Tav pick can challenge Astarion and say he could have still tried, to which he'll rightfully tell Tav that Tav has no right to judge him for the choices he made to survive.

When Astarion encounters Sebastian in the dungeon, its made pretty obvious how much guilt and shame he truly feels. Furthermore, that for all Astarion's protesting and exclaiming that no one has the right to judge him, a part of him did believe that he didn't do enough to try and escape enslavement. A part of himself blamed himself and believed he allowed himself to be abused when, in reality, he was put in a horrible situation with very limited options. He did the best he could in the moment, with what information he had in those moments.

I also want to argue that who Astarion is when we meet him isn't his true self. It's who he had to become in order to survive Cazador. Astarion doesn't even know who his true self is because he didn't have the opportunity to explore his own likes and preferences. Cazador molded all of his spawn because he had a specific purpose for them.

Not only that, but since Cazador would have to more directly deal with these spawn since he used them as lackies, he also would have molded them to behave in ways to his preference so that he wouldn't find their presence unbearable and feel inclined to murder them out of annoyance. This is also where the Favored Spawn being separated and set on a pedestal comes into play. Those who could please him and play to his wants and needs had better benefits. If all of the spawn are acting in self-preservation, they would want to be favored and thus would want to adapt themselves to things Cazador liked and approved of.

This would mean learning to be cruel to those less fortunate and not doing anything as charity. This is the reason why Astarion approves of some questionable decisions Tav can make. Astarion learned his ideals and morality from Cazador because he had to so he could know how to please Cazador and stay in his master's good graces. After a while, even if you started off disagreeing, forcing yourself to act a certain way can become a habit that sticks with you. You convince yourself to enjoy it too so it's easier to swallow.

Astarion craves power because he knows that power is the quickest, easiest, and - what he believes - most effective way to prevent him from having to use that method ever again. It's logical to want power to solve that.

You said in your ask: "He wants to be powerful (protected by his own power too - his power being a means to self-preservation), he wants to be loved, seen, and free. Free of hunger, free to walk in the sun, free of Cazador. All these things are true regardless of the path you choose. But, they are all only attainable through ascension. When you ascend Astarion - he gets everything he wants and becomes who he truly is."

In the most literal of terms, yes, Ascension gives him all of those. However, since the basis of him believing he needs power to be free is rooted in fear, that's not actually really freedom. That is still his fear ruling over him.

There's a stark difference in what someone wants versus what they need. He wants power, to be seen, to be loved, and to be free. What he actually needs is security, stability, support, consistency, empathy, and autonomy. The things he wants is what he believes will solve the empty cups of what he needs, and he believes that because the only example he had on how to act to get what you want - until the events of the game - was Cazador. He literally had no other example of how to get your needs met except through selfishness, cruelty, force, manipulation, and abuse.

Again, I reiterate. The Astarion we first meet is not Astarion's true nature. Astarion's true nature was corrupted by his abuse from Cazador and the subsequent trauma that followed. If it had been his true nature, he would have happily been Cazador's subject because their true natures would have been in alignment.

It only becomes his true nature if he allows that trauma to define him and decides that he needs to embrace it rather than fight it. That is then what gets amplified because that fear that roots those wants becomes amplified.

Honestly, it's impossible to say what would be canon for Astarion because there's too many factors.

Studies have shown that having more supportive and positive influences, even if its later in life after leaving the abuser, tends to work in favor of the victim breaking the cycle of abuse. As such, I think that if you make a Tav who's core values are autonomy, consent, second chances, and redemption and somehow manage to get high enough approval that he'd even consider caring what they think; then its more likely that Astarion would reject Ascension due to observing how much softer, kinder, patient, and merciful Tav is.

But if its a Tav that has no interest in getting to know him beyond the surface or Tav doesn't exist at all, I honestly think he would end up going through with Ascension. Mostly because, to me, it seems like he didn't really bother to have more than surface level interactions with the other companions and the other companions really only ended up getting to know him better as a result to Tav managing to get past his masking. He does not lower his mask on his own accord, only after certain things are done and said by Tav.

Unfortunately, I just don't really think any of the other companions you can pick up in-game would really be able to provide support and determined consistency in the same way that players can make Tav. Hence I don't think he'd end up caring enough about any of them to ever start to think that perhaps freedom can be defined differently than the way he initially believes, and would view Ascension as the only right way to get his needs fulfilled.

[intersex-support]

i've recently been doing a lot of research into intersex conditions ((to be better knowledgable and supportive of a good friend who is intersex)) and i heard about turner syndrome. and the more research i do, the more i think i might have it ((particularly Mosaic form TS))? i have many of the most common symptoms ((very short stature ((4'9 at 15)), small lower jaw, shield chest, very mild lymphadema, low hairline down the back of the neck, very irregular periods ((i have about 3 or 4 periods a year, ever since starting my period)), high/arched palate, lots of moles, and probably some smaller stuff i forgot abt)) would it be worth it to bring it up to my doctor and get tested? expecially if i don't want to receive feminizing hrt. i don't have any other health issues really, so would that just be stealing testing and/or resources from those that really need it?

Hi anon.

usual disclaimer that we can't give medical advice or diagnose.

It makes sense why you would be curious about turners/mosaic TS after looking into the symptoms and seeing that they seem to line up with some of your experiences. And I think that Turner's is one of the intersex variations that it can be important that if you're suspecting you might have it, to actually try to seek a diagnosis if possible.

This is because there are a lot of other health issues that are associated with Turners that can develop at any time in your life, including heart problems, kidney problems, osteoporosis, scoliosis, and sometimes diabetes. Even if you have Turner's, that wouldn't automatically thing that you would also have these other issues, but it would mean that you would be at higher risk and that you might want to undergo different types of monitoring throughout your life. I don't want to scare you unnecessarily because I know plenty of people with Turner's who don't have other health complications, but it is a significant enough associated risk that I think it can really be worth trying to find out that information about yourself if you have other reasons that you're suspecting Turner's.

You wouldn't be stealing testing or resources away from other people--there isn't a shortage of testing in that way. The main obstacles to getting testing and care for intersex people is more due to discrimination and uneducated doctors, rather than a resource shortage. In terms of getting forced on estrogen, you always have the right to deny treatment that you don't want, and to explore alternative options if there's a reason you need some type of hormones for your bone health.

Of course, it is always, always up to you whether you want to try to seek a diagnosis or not, and you'll be the expert on whether this feels like the right thing to do at this point in your life or not. I just wanted to provide some reassurance that you wouldn't be overstepping, and share some of the reasons why Turner's is an intersex variation where a formal diagnosis might be more important.

Please feel free to reach out again if you have any other questions or need any support--this blog is here for you!

[once-upon-an-imagine]

You’ll Be In My Heart - James Potter

A/N: ahhhhh I can’t believe I was able to complete this! I loved this request so much and I love writing for Jamie so much! so I hope you loves like it! 

Request - 🧊anon asked: I have a dialogue request! I LOVE older, overprotective twin brother James. I feel like he and his sister would have a very affectionate sibling relationship. So for a hurt/comfort with James where a guy is making her very uncomfortable by hitting on her  when James wasn’t there, so when James finds out he comforts her and calms her down then goes to kill the guy after she’s asleep (Not *actually* kill him but it’s overprotective older brother James so who knows.) Thank you, God bless ❤️

Warnings: this is a JamesxSister!Reader fic, protective!Jamie (FTW), sexual harassment and unwanted advances; please let me know if I missed anything else.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Harry Potter :) gif isn’t mine :D    

Your name: submit What is this?

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You’ll Be In My Heart

Come stop your crying, it will be alright Just take my hand... hold it tight I will protect you from all around you I will be here, don't you cry

“Well, well, if it isn’t my lucky day” you heard a very unpleasant voice coming down the hall of the Library and walking towards you. “Miss Potter” Lucius Malfoy stood next to you with a sickening smirk, ogling you up and down.

“Malfoy” you said unenthusiastically as you went back to grab the books you needed.

“Oh, allow me, dollface” he said, grabbing the books from you.

“I’ve got it” you said, taking the books back and walking away from him. “And I have asked you many times to not call me that” you told him as you found the last table at the Library. The one you loved working on so nobody would bother you. But apparently, it did not work this time. You sat down, and much to your dismay so did he. “Is there anything that I can do for you, or-?”

“You know” he said, dragging his chair closer to you, making you roll your eyes.

Usually by now, either your brother or at least one of his friends would have made their way over to you, making him leave. But, the Library wasn’t usually where you would find James… or Sirius… or Peter. Maybe Remus, but apparently he was elsewhere today. Not that you had come to the Library hoping to find him or anything. The thing is, you had noticed Lucius always just… happened to appear whenever James wasn’t around you. Which was actually quite rare since you were basically inseparable. But for those few moments, like when you came to the Library or when James was at Quidditch practice, there he was ready to use whatever stupid pick-up line with you again.

“I couldn’t help but notice all of your Potions books” Lucius continued, snapping you out of your thoughts. “I happen to be remarkable at Potions” he scoffed, grabbing one of your books. “I’m a part of the Slug Club which is very exclusive” he smirked.

“Oh, I know. You told me when you invited me to his party this year” you smiled. “And I told you I was also part of it” you told him, erasing the smirk off his face. “So I honestly doubt I need your help for this-”

“Might as well” he continued, brushing your hand with his finger and you quickly remove it. “I’m a lot better at Charms” he smiled at you.

“Really? Is that something your mum tells you?” you said, starting to gather your books together since you were obviously not going to be able to work in peace. “Or Narcissa, perhaps? Since I believe you’re marrying her after Hogwarts-”

“Oh, you shouldn’t worry about that, dollface” he said, bringing his chair even closer to yours.

“Don’t call me-”

“That’s nothing but a little arrangement” he said, as you kept putting your books inside your bag. “Besides” he said, making you stop when you suddenly felt his hand on your knee. “What Narcissa doesn’t know, won’t hurt her” he said as his hand started stroking its way to your thigh.

“What do you think you’re-?” you snapped, bringing one of your hands to push him off and your other hand to remove his but he grabbed your wrist with his other hand.

“Come on, Potter” he said, leaning closer to you. “Stop acting so stuck-up. I see the way you are always flirting with every guy in this school, especially those stupid friends of your brother. Wearing those tiny skirts” he said. “You need to stop pretending as if this is something you don’t want-”

“I’m not pretending! Get off me!” you said, trying to break free from his firm grip.

“Oh, dollface” he chuckled, tightening the grip on your thigh, painfully. “Just one night with me and I’ll have you begging me for more-”

When he leaned in for what was probably a kiss, you were able to grab one of your books with your free hand, thankfully a big one, and hit him on the head with it, making him let go of you. But, as he did, he pushed you, and you fell to the floor.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” you snapped, pushing yourself backwards, away from him. Lucius got up and looked down at you, with a furious expression on his face that made your entire body shake in fear.

“How dare you, you useless, fucking-?” when you saw him take out his wand, you finally snapped out of it, pointing yours at him and making him fly across the room.

Seeing him crash against a bookshelf and some of the books fall on top of him gave you the final strength you needed to grab your things and run out of the Library as fast as you could. You kept looking back to make sure that he wasn’t behind you, making you bump into a couple of students but you quickly kept going, apologizing to them, and making your way to the Gryffindor Tower. You thought you would finally feel safe once you went through the portrait and it closed behind you since he couldn’t be here but you could still feel his hands on your body and you felt sick to your stomach. You searched around the Common Room for your brother but you couldn’t find him.

“(Y/N)?” you heard Lily’s voice, not so far from you, and saw that she was with Dorcas and Alice. You felt your heart beating faster and you started running again, but not to your dorm.

“(Y/N)?” you heard Remus’ voice when you entered the boys’ dorm. Peter sat up and Remus got up, to get closer to you.

“W-where’s James?” you asked, looking at both of them with tears already forming in your eyes.

“He’s out with Padfoot” Remus explained, walking closer to you. “Are you okay-?”

“No, don’t come near me!” you said, backing away from him and hugging your books and bag in front of your chest.

The two boys in the room looked at each other confused. You were shaking and crying, you looked terrified, and usually, when you were upset, you wouldn’t mind a hug from either of them if James wasn’t there. They knew something was horribly wrong. You could feel their eyes on you, which was nothing unusual since they would always try to help whenever you weren’t feeling well. But right now, you didn’t feel that. All you could think was how your skirt was too short. Wondering if they also thought you flirted with boys too much. Asking yourself if they thought that whenever you were affectionate towards them was because you wanted something more out of it. So the way they were looking at you made you feel like they were just staring at your body as if they could do what Lucius just did if they wanted.

“(Y/N)-”

“Please don't touch me!” you said, walking away until you hit the door with your back. “I just n-need James” you cried.

“Alright” Remus said, stepping further from you to not upset you more. “Peter can go get him, okay?” he said, grabbing the map from his bed and giving it to Peter.

Before you could say anything else, you felt something in the pit of your stomach and you quickly dropped your things and ran over to the bathroom, closing the door behind you. You couldn't be near them. You knew Remus and Peter since you were eleven years old. They were James' best friends and they had always been sweet to you but right now, you didn't want them to look at you.

“Go get Prongs” Remus told Peter and he nodded walking out of the room. Remus went over to the bathroom and knocked on the door. “(Y/N)?”

“Don’t come in!” you yelled, after washing your face, making Remus even more worried.

“I won’t” he assured you, sitting on the floor. “Peter is getting your brother, okay?”

“O-okay” you said, with more tears falling down your cheeks. “Thank you” you said, softly.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No” you said, crying harder as you leaned against the door and sat on the floor.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” he asked, feeling completely useless.

You hated this feeling. Remus was one of the best people you had ever met and he was trying to do whatever he could to help. But right now you were terrified and ashamed.

“A-actually” you said, looking down at your thigh where you could see a bruise forming where Lucius’ hand had been. “Could you please get me one of Jamie's sweaters?” you asked in a small voice. “A-and some pants?”

“Yeah, sure” Remus said, getting up and walking over to James’ trunk. A few moments later you heard him knock on the door again. “I’m gonna leave them on the floor okay? I won’t come in” he told you.

You slowly kneeled to reach for the doorknob and opened the door just enough to see a pair of James’ pants and one of the sweaters your mum had made for both of you. Identical. You quickly grabbed them and closed the door again.

“Thank you, Remus” you said, quietly, making the tiniest smile appear on Remus’ face.

“You’re welcome” he told you as the dorm door burst open with James barging in, Peter and Sirius behind him.

“Where is she?” he asked Remus.

“She’s in the bathroom” Remus said, getting out of the way as James walked over. “She doesn’t want to-”

“Bug?” he said, knocking softly. An entirely different behavior that Remus was expecting if he was being honest. He could see the anger on James’ face. But most likely, Peter had told him that you were crying, which is why his tone was so soft towards you. “Could you open the door, please?”

“C-could they leave?” you said, feeling bad about asking.

You knew Sirius, Peter, and Remus were worried about you as well. The three of them loved you as much as they loved James and they had always made you feel part of their group. But you knew that James would do anything you asked. James felt his stomach drop. Whenever you were upset about something and you came over looking for him, you never seemed to mind for the rest of the guys to stay. So he knew that whatever happened had to be worse than he thought.

“Uh, could you guys-?” he asked, looking at them.

“Yeah, why don’t we uh- go get some food or something” Sirius said, nodding to the other two guys and walking out of the room with Peter.

“Um… if you need anything-”

“I know, Moons” James smiled slightly before Remus nodded with a small smile too, and then he left. “They’re gone, bug” he told you before he grabbed his wand and pointed it at his side of the room. “Would you come out, please?”

“Okay” you said.

You slowly moved closer to the door and opened it, walking out of the bathroom. James was sitting down on his bed which he made into a fort just like the ones the two of you always did when you were kids. And still did occasionally like whenever there was a thunderstorm outside, or whenever either one of you was upset about something.

“Hi, bug” he smiled at you. You felt tears in your eyes again and you ran over to your brother. James quickly wrapped his arms around you, letting you cry on his shoulder. “What’s going on?”

“N-nothing” you sobbed.

“Bug” he said, pulling away and making you look at him. “You and I don’t lie to each other. We lie to other people, but never each other” he reminded you. “Now, what happened?”

“You have to promise you won’t make a big deal out of it” you said, wiping away your tears.

“There is absolutely no way that I will make that promise. You are going to tell me who made you cry and I am not asking you again” he told you.

“I’m sorry I asked you to get Remus, Sirius, and Peter out-”

“Stop changing the subject” he said as you looked away.

“It’s related to it, James!” you snapped a little.

“What? What do you mean?”

“Do you think…? Um-” you started playing with the sleeve of James’ sweater you were wearing. You had no idea where to begin. “I was at the Library” you said, feeling tears forming in your eyes again. “And… Lucius M-Malfoy was there” you said, with your voice breaking. James felt his blood boiling instantly.

“Wait a minute, Malfoy?” he asked, making you look at him. “Did he do anything to you?”

“W-well, he started saying stupid things, like he usually does. But then, he wouldn’t leave and he-” you cried holding your hurt wrist with your hand. Not only had he grabbed it forcefully, but when you fell off the chair, you landed on it. It hurt deeply and James noticed.

“He… touched you?” he asked, feeling a new level of anger.

“He grabbed me when I tried to remove his hand from-” you stopped. “M-my leg- I tried to push him off, Jamie but he didn’t s-stop a-and-”

“HE WHAT?!” James snapped, pulling away from you. “Wait, did you say ‘usually’? Has he bothered you before?”

“It’s nothing” you insisted. “He just… says stupid things and tries to get me to go out with him” you informed him.

“Isn’t he with Narcissa or something?”

“He is! He’s a different level of asshole!”

“How long has this been going on? Why didn’t you tell me before?!”

“He had never done something like this before. He had only said stupid-”

“That doesn’t matter, bug” James said, feeling bad that he hadn’t noticed.

“I’m sorry” you said, crying.

“No, bug, that’s not what I meant” he said, feeling worse for making you cry and hugging you to him again. “Is that why you didn’t want the guys to be here?”

“I know they’re not like Lucius” you told him. “He just said that I was always flirting with them a-and wearing short skirts so I should stop pretending that I didn’t want the attention” you explained. “I know it's not true, b-but when I came to your dorm a-and you weren’t here I c-couldn’t- I just-” you said, starting to cry again. “I’m sorry” you said between sobs.

“No, listen to me” he said, in a serious tone. “You don’t have anything to apologize for. Lucius Malfoy is a fucking prick and an excuse of a man who thinks it’s your fault that he thinks he can do whatever the fuck he wants” he snapped. “You know that this isn’t over, right? You need to tell someone-”

“He didn’t do anything, Jamie” you said.

“But you just said-”

“No, James” you interrupted him. “He didn’t do anything” you repeated. “I hit him with my book and I jinxed him and I got out of there before anything else could h-” you choked and took a deep breath. “It’s my word against his” you said, sadly. “And he is Lucius Malfoy” you said in a mocking voice.

“I don’t give a fuck if he’s a Malfoy! Nobody touches my little sister-”

“I’m thirteen minutes younger than you-”

“And gets away with it!” he said, ignoring your interruption.

“Jamie” you said, softly, making him look at you.

You knew he was blaming himself. You knew he felt helpless. Thirteen minutes or not, James was still your older brother and he had always lived up to that title. From the moment you were kids, he always protected you from everything that was bad. He was the one that scared the monsters away from your closet. He was the one who built the forts when there was a thunderstorm outside. He was the one who taught you how to fly, he helped you with spells that you struggled with, and he did anything he could to prevent you from hurting yourself because you were a walking, clumsy hazard. And now, he couldn’t protect you when Lucius fucking Malfoy basically assaulted you.

“He hurt you, bug” he said, with his voice breaking a little.

“I’m gonna be okay” you assured him. “I just… needed my big brother” you said, hugging him again and he instantly wrapped his arms around your shoulders, bringing you closer.

“I thought it was only thirteen minutes” he mocked you, making you laugh just a little. He was about to pull away but you quickly pulled him closer, not ready to let go and James kissed your forehead. “I’m here bug” he said, drawing circles in your back. It was something the two of you did sometimes to calm the other down. You would draw different shapes and the other one would guess what it was. The two of you always did it as kids on your backs or arms and it became kind of your little secret twin language. Your mother hated it. But right now, it made you feel ten times better already. “I won’t ever let anyone hurt you again, okay?”

“I know” you said, knowing he meant it. “You know this is not your fault, right?”

Before James could respond, the two of you heard a knock on the door. James looked at you, knowing who it was, but he wasn’t sure if you were ready to see them yet. You smiled at him nodding.

“Come in” James said before the door opened and you saw Sirius poking his head inside.

“Hey Prongs” he said before looking at you. “Bambi” he smiled sweetly at you. “Um, we have some stuff for you, would you like us to leave it here-?”

“You can come in, Sirius” you said, still holding on to James’ arm and moving closer to him.

“I’m here” he said, kissing your head.

Sirius walked into the room with a bag in his hands, followed by Peter who had a basket in his and Remus had another bag with him along with your pillow.

“We… thought you might be hungry so, we brought all your favorites” Peter smiled, placing the basket in front of James’ bed.

“You brought treacle tart?” James asked, excitedly.

“No, mate. We brought Bambi’s favorites. She's the one who's upset” he said, making you smile a little. "Are you upset, Prongs?"

"I am now since you didn't bring any treacle tart!" James said offended, making you laugh a little.

“Thanks, Pete” you said, politely.

“And we know you’re most likely staying here, so we got some of your things and your pillow” Remus said, bringing the bag towards you and placing it on the bed.

“Thank you, Rem” you smiled. “What’s in that bag?” you asked Sirius.

“Oh, uh- that’s… not for you, love” he said, putting it on his bed.

“Oh, so you didn’t bring me anything?” you asked, pouting and pretending to be offended. “I thought I was your favorite Potter, Sirius” you told him, relieved to feel normal again with them around unlike moments before.

“Of course, you’re my favorite Potter, Bambi. Who do you think told Wormtail what food to bring and Moony to remember your precious…” he said, opening the bag Remus had brought you. “Personalized stuffed Marauders” he said, bringing out the little black dog he got you for last Christmas and tossing it at you. “I know Padfoot’s your favorite though” he said, winking at you.

“Thanks, Siri” you smiled, hugging the dog.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

You woke up later that night and saw James’ lamp was on and so was another one. It had taken James almost an hour to get you to sleep while he drew different shapes on your back but he finally succeeded. You were a little confused to not find him anywhere and you slowly sat up, looking at the only other person there with you, across the room.

“Hey” Remus said softly, placing his book down.

“Hi” you said, pulling your knees to your chest and smiling slightly at him. “How long have they been gone?”

“W-what are you talking about?” he chuckled, sitting up.

“Well, I see that the Map is no longer on James’ nightstand” you started. “I believe that whatever was in that bag Sirius brought is so he, James, and Pete could do… whatever they’re planning on doing to Lucius Malfoy. And I’m pretty sure you volunteered to stay behind so I wouldn’t wake up alone” you told him.

“Do you and James actually have some sort of twin connection?”

“Yes, I have told you many times” you chuckled, making him laugh a little.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his tone turning serious again.

“I guess” you said, grabbing your stuffed Marauders and arranging them. “Did Jamie tell you what happened?”

“No” Remus assured you. “He doesn’t need to tell us anything, and neither do you if you don’t want to. But trust me, we all want to kill Malfoy” he told you. “And… I’m here for whatever you need, okay?”

“Thanks” you smiled. “You actually helped a lot even if I was being kind of a-”

“You were not being anything, love” he insisted. “I’m just glad I could help” he said. “And for the record, Sirius did not need to remind me to bring your little Marauders. He only asked if I remember Padfoot because he insists is your favorite” he said, making you chuckle.

“Actually… Moony’s my favorite” you said, holding the little wolf closer to you and playing with its ear. Remus was a bit glad that you couldn’t see him blush. “But don’t tell Jamie” you smiled.

“I promise. Your secret’s safe with me” he smiled. Before either one of you could say anything else, the door opened revealing the rest of the Marauders, trying to be quiet but that was something they always failed to do.

“Hey bug, what are you doing up?” James asked, walking closer to you. As he walked closer, you could see his hair was even crazier than ever, he had what looked like soot all over his hands and face, as did Peter and Sirius too. And…

“Is that blood?” you asked, worriedly.

“Well… yes, but it’s not mine” he assured you.

“James, what the bloody hell did you three do?”

“First of all, nobody died-” he said.

“What the fuck kind of answer is that?”

“Relax, Bambi, we didn’t do anything that Malfoy didn’t deserve” Sirius said, winking at you. “He messed with our girl, so we messed with him” he shrugged.

“Also, if anybody asks if you know anything about the explosion noises coming from the Dungeons at midnight, you don’t know anything about it” Peter added.

“I wish I didn’t know anything about it” you said, glaring at James. “Jamie! You said you weren’t going to do anything-”

“I know, I lied” he said as if it was nothing. “There was absolutely no way that we were going to sit around and do nothing” he told you.

You sighed, knowing they were right and you should know better by now that James wasn’t going to just let this go. “Did you at least cover your tracks?”

“Of course we did, bug” James said, messing your hair a little.

“Come on, Bambi, who do you think you’re talking to? Give us some credit!” Sirius laughed as he, Remus, and Peter grabbed the basket with the leftover sweets from before.

“You know you didn’t have to do this, right?” you told James.

“You’re joking, right?” he said. “I would have killed him if Moony had let me” he told you, making you chuckle a little. “He kept going on about how I would end up in Azkaban and then you would kill me for leaving you alone-”

“He has a point” you smiled. “So, what did you do?”

“Oh bug, you should have seen it” he said, excitedly. “The fireworks Padfoot got were just flawless. But the best part was when they were so distracted, that I managed to make Lucius’ entire hair fall off his head” he laughed.

“You didn’t!” you gasped, excitedly.

“I did” he smirk proudly. “I think he got the message and he will not bothering you again. But, just in case, you know that either I, Padfoot, Moony, or Wormtail will walk you to class now, right?”

“Jamie” you smiled warmly. “You bolded Lucius Malfoy for me?”

“I’d do anything for you, bug” he said, hugging you towards him and kissing your head repeatedly, making you laugh.

“Okay, enough!” you said, pushing him off. “But thank you” you said, sweetly. “I love you, Jamie” you said, messing his hair.

“I love you too, bug” he said, wrapping his arms around you before you joined the others.

The End

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

A/N: aahhhh I hope you guys liked it! please let me know what you think! :D

[cloudyyoimiya]

hi there, hope you’re doing well! i just read your scenario with yandere ranpo and a darling in danger and i am OBSESSED!! 💜 the dynamic is so freaking good, my favorite bit is when darling asks about the candy being drugged, i feel like it did so much to build up their past relationship and pique my interest. the way that ranpo’s darling was so resigned to their fate was heartbreaking but so well written, i love how much it implies about darling’s experience in captivity while also leaving so much up to the imagination. i have to say i was so thoroughly intrigued by the open ending! the idea that ranpo’s darling defeatedly agrees to go back to their prison, but also clearly still hates it and has simply lost all hope of ever escaping, and is now beginning to give in for the sake of making their miserable life easier..it has infected my brain man (/pos)!! so i saw that your requests were open in your bio and i was like i simply have to ask: would you be willing to write a continuation to that scenario that shows what it is like when ranpo brings his darling back to his home (prison)?

i’ve also written fanfic in the past, so i totally understand if it’s a situation where you had the inspo for the blurb but not really any ideas for past that! so, no pressure to write, but if you would possibly like a further prompt, the idea that i was picturing is a depressing fic where darling is giving in more and more to ranpo because they’re too tired of all of the punishments and they just want their life in captivity to be easier since they know they can’t ever escape him..but if you do decide to write, feel free to write whatever you feel like! Thank you, have a great night! 💜

AUGH thank you for your kind words, anon! they truly mean a lot! i showed this to my friend bc it made me so happy, i hope you don’t mind!! i was having a bad day when i first read your kind words so it cheered me up a lot LMDBF. anyways, here you go! i had fun writing and thinking about what would happen

Coming Back Home; Ranpo Edogawa

Format: Headcanons and scenario

Possible warnings: Yandere content, dark themes, discussion of kidnapping, manipulation, mentions of injuries

Disclaimer: This is a continuation of Ranpos part of this fic! I recommend you read it first!

When you were cleared to finally go home by Yosano, you felt as if you wanted to die. You’d be dragged back to your eternal prison by some man-child that claimed to love you like no other.

You knew what he was capable of, and he’d constantly remind you of it. He’d always tell you that he could frame you for the murder of people you hold dear. He’d make sure that you’d go to prison. The only way for him to prove your innocence and get you out of prison was to stay by his side. Though, all of this is a what if…

He’d make sure that you were his, even if it meant tampering with your criminal record.

Escaping while walking back was out of the question because of this.

When the both of you go returned ‘home’, you were more submissive than usual. You didn’t like it one bit, but it was your only choice at this point. You knew that he’d become more protective over this incident. He doesn’t want you to get kidnapped again…

If you even tried to defy him then things would turn out for the worst.

It was terrible.

If you started to comply more, then maybe he wouldn’t keep you in that one single room anymore. Maybe he’d be slightly kinder…

Don’t get me wrong, he was really “nice” to you even before you got kidnapped by that gang. He made sure that all your needs were met, it’s just the mental blockage of him forcibly taking you from your home that stopped you from returning his “kindness.”

Scenario…

The walk “home” was filled with a deafening silence. You could barely think straight as you walked throughout Yokohama. Your mind kept scattering to when you were first kidnapped by that gang—how they beaten and bruised you. Your body still ached from the beatings despite Yosano using “Thou Shalt Not Die” on you. It hurt to walk. It hurt to breathe. It was suffocating. You hated it.

Ranpo opened the front door to your shared “home” and motioned for you to enter. You reluctantly did so, not wanting to somehow manage to anger him by your hesitance.

You sat down on the nearest couch and stared at your lap. Your pants had several cuts in them, so it was clear that you would need new ones sooner or later. It was unfortunate because they were your favorite pair too! They provided you comfort when you so desperately needed it.

“Are you alright?” Ranpo asked as he sat next to you. “You seem sad.”

You bit your tongue, not wanting to say something that you would regret. “I’m fine, Ranpo.”

Ranpo took out a lollipop from his pocket and unwrapped it. He then plopped it in his mouth and hummed in approval. It was his favorite flavor.

“You don’t seem fine,” he said, the lollipop still in his mouth. “Talk to me.”

“Ranpo I told you I’m fine,” you said back.

You didn’t want him to see your weakness, but you already knew that he saw through you. He was the greatest detective out there, and that’s what scared you. He knew everything about you just by one glance. It made chills slowly creep up your spine, making the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

“Someone is lying to me!~” He spoke rather childishly. “(Name), I told you how I feel about liars.”

You tensed up at his words. When he first took you in captive he told you that he’d punish you if you ever lied to him. At first you didn’t believe him at all, but you ended up finding out the hard way that he was indeed speaking the truth. You still remember the day where he refused to feed you because you lied about something that was happening at work. You felt nauseous from the lack of food in your stomach at the time

“Fine. I’m just shaken up is all, alright? Nothing bad.”

Ranpo squinted at you for one moment, trying to see if what you said was the truth. He then nodded to himself then went to hug you.

“Oh my (Name), you’re gonna be okay! Well, you’ll be okay as long as you love me! You do love me, right?”

“I do love you,” you said. You knew that you didn’t mean your words—you never have. You only said it to appease your captor.

Ranpo hugged you tighter. He knew that you didn’t mean your words one bit, but he still accepted them. He knew that one day you’d eventually come around to his affections. That day may not come any time soon, but he’s willing to wait. He’s willing to wait only for you.

You slowly hugged him back, not wanting him to give you any lip about not returning the sign of love. In a gross way it felt strangely comforting, but yet at the same time it felt suffocating. It almost made your skin crawl.

“That’s so good to hear!” He said happily. “Anyways, what do you want for dinner, hm? I’ll order something! You deserve to be pampered after almost dying!”

“Uhm… How about your favorite? I want you to be happy,” you lied through your teeth.

You had to be considerate of his feelings. Otherwise he’d punish you.

“That sounds good,” he hummed.

Ranpo pulled out his phone and he started to order the food. Eventually he looked up at you and gave you a lazy kind smile.

“Go change your clothes.”

You nodded as you stood up. You then went into your bedroom and picked out Ranpos’ favorite outfit of yours. You stripped down and put on the outfit, then walked back out of the room. The outfit wasn’t sexual at all, but it still made you feel uncomfortable.

You sat down next to him and he leaned his head on your shoulder. “The food should be here soon, darling.”

“Alright.”

He wrapped his arms around you delicately. You’ve been so good ever since you returned home with him, and he knew that you were sore, so he decided not to put more stress on your body.

“I love you so much. Promise not to leave me, alright?”

[dashielldeveron]

thinking about the katsuki office kiss scene (feat izuku) and the potential unwritten freak it holds is absolutely driving me insane and i have to voice my thoughts before they brain rot me like termites eating the foundations of a house. (also quick disclaimer that I’m sosososos understanding of why this more horny aspect was not explored in fic [goes against like the whole message, and how the harem is handled in fic is one of my favourite aspects of the whole thing] i just thought itd would be fun to explore as it’s own seperate thing)

not to thirst on anon (and please feel free to nuke the fuck out of this ask if it’s too thirsty because i totally understand) but the fact that the reader is too busy freaking the fuck out to notice the reaction of izuku across the room and the unspoken interactions happening between katsuki and him leaving it all deliciously unwritten and completely up however insane the audience interpretation of it is. and im a very insane audience!

like. do you think the katsuki looked izuku straight in the eye and then proceeded to open his mouth and start full on making out with reader?? you think that katsuki saw izuku glare at him with the most restrained desire to kill him and he put his hand on her neck, spurring him on to kiss her deeper??? (because while their more intense high school rivalry has been settled long ago i don’t think they’ll ever fully dull the urge to, at least, be in competition with each other, especially if they both are interested in the same person, katsuki is probably having such an inappropriately good time like ‘the girl i want is sitting in my lap and making out with me and im simultaneously beating izuku at something !! yay!!!’ [he does love to win, and in his mind having izukus soulmate want to make out with him probably registers as some fucked up form of ‘winning’ lmao this guy and his deranged inner world i love you freak number 2])

Do you think when reader sat fully down on katsuki’s lap it was taking so much (sexy) control of his not to march over there and get reader off of him immediately?? do you think that he was looking at the way katsuki was kissing reader and already was making notes on how he could do it so much better???? im going insane. internal battle between him being so pissed that katsuki is getting the makeup session he has been (literally) dying for, being incredibly concerned for your mental well-being and paying attention to how you kiss so he can better his plan to sexually infuriate you till you break.

^ (this led to a very long tangent on me talking about which of the soulmate troupe guys have some kind of jealousy issues, then further spiralled out of control to me rereading some of the chapters again so I could attempt to create a numbered ‘from least to jealous soulmate troupe guy’ list. it’ll have to be it’s own separate deranged ask).

lmaooooo sorry for this very strange ramble (again), i just love freak number one (izuku) and freak number two (katsuki). expect another ridiculously long ask in your inbox again soon

(also it was not a typo izuku is hoe 100% insane and that’s why he is matching my freak like take a look at this ask and tell me he wouldn’t also hyper-analyse literally one thing reader has done and think about all the horny subtext. hoe insane matched my freak.)

-cork board anon

everybody leave i wanna be alone with cork board anon

GOD IZUKU'S REACTION. and none of what i'm about to say is necessarily canonical to the fic, bc, like you said, it's unwritten so that the audience can imagine :)

so. ofc we don't see izuku's reaction bc reader is panicking. but like??? he's right there??? on the other side of the desk?? and he could OFA zip over there and tear them apart, but since it's a choice reader's decided to make, he's going to let her, and izuku knows she's worried about all her potential soulmates, so he just can't bring himself to stop her. which must hurt him so badly.

so holy FUCK the idea of bakugou staring izuku down while he's kissing her. oh my god. that brings izuku into the potential romantic dynamic, so instead of bakugou/reader like reader thinks, it's a fucked-up bakugou/reader/izuku. oh fuck. and i mean this in a sexy, jarring way: what you said reminded me of these CGs in jumin han's route in mystic messenger:

bc jumin is trying to make a point to the people watching him kiss MC and UGH it shooketh me the first time i experienced it. of course it's not a perfect comparison, bc reader's more in control/desperation than either jumin or MC are here, but i think the Vibe could fit. dear GOD bakugou opening his mouth while staring down izuku--would katsuki be more exerting a sort of bragging dominance over izuku, or would he be more surprised at the situation, just going along? bc for the moment, katsuki's winning. he doesn't know why, but he'll take it. and izuku can't do anything about it, because his soulmate would see him act poorly. i fully think that if reader hadn't been having a panic attack and vomiting, then it could've escalated to, like, katsuki sucking a hickey onto the top of her boob, or something, before he felt like he was going too far. and katsuki would be all smug about it, probably laying reader on her back on his desk, and once he surfaced, he'd wipe the back of his mouth with a wry grin and say something like "had to have some taste of you, sweetheart." and then he'd give her waist a final squeeze and say, "she's all yours, izuku." and he proceeds to bring this incident up for the rest of your lives. offers to relieve you if izuku's giving you a hard time (it's brushed off as a joke; he half means it and half doesn't--izuku rolls his eyes from across the restaurant booth and irritatedly peels at the wrapper on his beer bottle, and his grip around your shoulder tightens).

you see, your honour, i'll kill him :) :) :)

but UGH you're so RIGHT it was probably torturing izuku to see his soulmate kiss someone else, but he probably couldn't tear his gaze away because he wanted to see how she kisses people, so he could learn more about what she likes.......you're so big-brained. i love to see a man who is morally tortured inside. imagine his muscles tensing while he's going through all of the options in his brain. imagine him his mouth and nose twitching in fury. but he can't. do. anything. because that's his best friend and his soulmate, the two people (besides his mom and all might) that he loves more than anyone else in the world. he's not gonna hurt them. he understands how violence could be brought into the situation. but. but he's not gonna.

i would LOVE to hear your thoughts on the soulmates and jealousy 👀👀👀 bc i think i've really only thought about izuku's and a tiny bit of tenko's--because i feel like izuku gets INSANELY jealous but also has insanely high self-control--like in fic when reader kisses shinsou and midoriya seems all calm (he is NOT CALM on the inside) and is like "she knows what she's doing wrong." 👀👀👀 and i think that is SO sexy of him. because he COULD be possessive and controlling. it's his first instinct. but he won't. he won't. bc that would make us sad and perhaps a little scared. (and then tenko's jealousy--i've only thought about it in the context of touya, bc to tenko, touya seems confident and charismatic and very capable of stealing his girl away from him. so his jealousy comes from awfulllllll insecurity that he's not good enough :( but we love him very much, so hopefully he'll get over that in time.)

i appreciate you so much. you feel just as crazy insane about these ideas as i am. and yeah lol izuku would prob be into this, the over-analysis for fun and enjoyment. GOOD. we want to attract freaks!!! freaks only zone!!!! i love HIM i love YOU i hope your day is peaceful!!!!!!! xx.

[sigmashuffle]

I have a question!! So I’m a long-time BSD enjoyer but I haven’t read nearly as much of the manga as I would like. I’ve seen all of the anime though, most of it multiple times through. I didn’t realize until looking at the comments on Danny Motta’s video at how much people fucking hate Fukuchi and his sword. Up until this point I’ve thought it’s cool as hell and he, along with the sword, bring something kinda new and fun to the series.

HOWEVER, I know BSD is FAR from perfect and there’s a lot of dumb shit that faithful manga readers have a better perspective on. Would you mind explaining why Fukuchi and the sword are such a sore point? I hope this isn’t too much to ask. I just really want to know.

Hi anon! Its not too much to ask at all!

Unfortunately the answer to that is best explained in the context of ALL the issues I have with the manga/show so... this is going to be v long... and im done giving this show more credit than it deserves but don't take it that seriously lol I hesitate to even consider my pov to be on par with the average manga reader but ig we'll see how my opinions hold up after i post

And disclaimer: I don't mind answering this but ONLY with the context that this is 100% my opinion (as of late, bsd as a whole has just been REALLY bugging me so im just gonna take this opportunity to explain my gripes since most of them apply to or tie greatly into fukuchi's character/design/motivations/development)

I simply don't want anyone to come for my head bc of anything I say here tho, bc I feel like I may disagree with a large portion of the fanbase but WITH THAT SAID...

***from this point forward there will be a few spoilers from s5e11***

Here are my gripes with BSD...

1. BSD and its "magic system"?

bsd powers suffer from what i like to call a "lack of scope"

granted this could be due to the fact the story isnt complete HOWEVER im sure any anime fan can tell you this story doesnt feel like it is leading anywhere its just... going... (ill get to the awful pacing later)

for comparison sake im going to also talk about The Case Study of Vanitas since it is the world I have the most experience in

what does BSD not have that VNC does?

simply put, the magic system doesnt reinvent itself character to character

in VNC if you have an ability it is EXCLUSIVELY connected to "manipulations of the world formula" which is essentially elemental control (fire, ice, gravity, etc.) based on a sci fi version of chemistry (alchemy, if you will) and this rule applies to EVERY CHARACTER in VNC

its a structure that starts developing from the beginning

BSD however introduces a WHOLE NEW magic system for each character

some character abilities are similar, yes, and can be classified as such, but many cannot be classified

again a magic system doesnt NEED to have strict rules (its actually more boring that way if the rules are too simple) but it DOES need RULES... and solid ones

otherwise its tempting to use the MAGIC system to fill in PLOT RELATED gaps

and if that system isnt defined, well, to me that looks like lazy/sloppy/illogical writing

if you like the whiplash of not knowing whats gonna happen next, fine, (i did for awhile too!) up until the unpredictability started to come from powers that as a whole look like an authors way of trying to write themselves out of their own plot hole

ie: time travel

specifically time travel that isnt introduced FROM THE BEGINNING...

2. Fukuchi and his "deus ex machina" sword

time travel is NOTORIOUSLY difficult to pull off and especially by my standards

I have watched Doctor Who since 2008, before I even knew what tumblr was I was doing my own solo fandom stuff (basically just watching a LOT of youtube video essays) but basically I have high standards when it comes to time travel in stories

Amenogozen has the POTENTIAL to be a great weapon if used in a logical context... but theres one thing the sword (and BSD as a whole) does not follow

RULES

time travel is TRICKY mostly bc it has consequences... in BSD fukuchi gives nothing in exchange for his powers

lets even toss time travel aside for the moment

what is Fukuchi's innate special ability? Mirror Lion... (read below)

its essentially an attack multiplier of x100 at CLOSE RANGE

lets say your average untrained human punch is 150psi (pounds per square inch) which is the pressure equivalent of a point 100m below the surface of the ocean...

with Mirror Lion's multiplier you get 15,000psi which would be 10,000m or 10 kilometers

a pressure equivalent to the deepest part of the ocean (i dont need to remind you how powerful water is... we all know about oceangate)

MY POINT IS HE'S OVERPOWERED AS FUCK

dont even get me started on his motivations too

im glad we got backstory for him in ep 11 and im sure we are just supposed to sum up his motivations into "he was willing to pay the high price for world peace" but tbh royally fuck that

dont TELL me thats what he believes

PROVE to me how you made that conclusion

also the only reason he even dies is becasue he wants fukuzawa to kill him... we dont have any sense of accomplishment for stopping his scheme because NOW the scheme has been PLOPPED right into fukuzawa's lap which fukuchi intended to do from the start... apparently

and this seemingly retroactive decision-making is a problem A LOT of bsd characters have, especially the one and only character i hate THE MOST... *drumroll*

3. Osamu fucking Dazai

oh boy...

I have thought long and hard about Dazai... im not going to lie, after ch109 and ep10 I was about to admit Dazai might actually have grown on me BUT

this was all erased after 6 minutes into ep11 when he was confirmed to indeed NOT be dead

Dazai just *knows* everything thats gonna happen

Chuuya was never a vamp... he knew this... and somehow his ENTIRE escape plan was just hinging on that? bc yknow... hE kNeW fRoM tHe bEgiNniNg

OSAMU DAZAI IS A PLOT DEVICE USED *ONLY* TO FILL IN NARRATIVE HOLES

HE IS A WAY TO FORCE PROGRESS ON A STORY WITHOUT EVER GIVING A REAL EXPLANATION

HIS CHARACTER IS AN INSULT TO INTELLIGENCE

His character is paper thin, with motivations that do not translate to his actions

and frankly... im tired of it...

additionally... if sigma doesn't survive, all of Meursault was literally useless... so why pick him for nikolai's prison break game?

even if he does, it means the ONLY thing we get out of the arc is information about fyodor... as to WHAT information, who knows... but regardless, a villain arc that has been going on for TOO GODDAMN LONG (40 chapters?) should have a resolution that isnt "i knew what was gonna happen all along"

we spent the whole time being SHOWN that fyodor and dazai were of equal intelligence levels... or at least higher than what dazai was used to dealing with

if dazai could just predict shit like this from the beginning why was fyodor a villain for so long? makes ZERO sense, dazai would've defeated him AGES ago... what makes THIS time any different?

also... why is he even suicidal? yeah ok the author was... but like... why make it such a present character trait?... so we can fake kill him over and over? idk

can you tell i dislike him?

4. THEORY vs PRACTICE

I am a "show dont tell" girlie

ALL BSD DOES IS "TELL TELL TELL" ...its infuriating

almost every power/special ability has an element of "trust me bro" ok SOME OF THEM DONT but most of them do

ie: atsushi is a tiger (what does that even mean), kenji gets strong when he's angry (ok hulk?), and THIS JUST IN we STILL don't know how fyodor's ability works... and now he's DEAD?... we also dont know almost any detail about sigma's ability and he might ALSO be dead

but thats only regarding abilities...

when it comes to writing stories using people of high intelligence it is VERY difficult to not get into the aforementioned "trust me bro" mindset which BSD does REPEATEDLY

im not listing off every example but off the top of my head is one scene from s4...

ranpo explains his plan for saving yosano loosely involved "replacing the engine [of an armored vehicle] with an electric motor and playing engine sounds over the speakers so no one noticed" ...and only i can pick this claim to shreds lol (i engineer electric vehicles for a living) but this is so wrong on so many levels...

Internal combustion engines and Electric motors are IN NO WAY EQUIVALENT

ranpo would never be able to power a vehicle the size of an armored truck with a motor that he installed an hour before the truck was put to use... he just wouldnt... the vehicle is too big... ugh *facepalm*

and dont even get me started on batteries...

MY POINT IS

if you want to write some *genius move* at least TRY to do some research to make the action believable

thats like saying "oh yeah i ran out of gas so a threw a couple AA batteries into my gas tank until i could make it to the station"

BUT THAT WOULDNT FLY BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE KNOW THATS NOT HOW CARS WORK

*sigh*

5. Manga Readers' POV

the.chapters.are.too.short

especially for a monthly released manga

i am relatively new to anime and manga... like late 2020, so I am part of the "new gen" I guess you could say so i know i dont have any right to complain about pacing in comparison to like... the dressrosa arc of One Piece

with that said, not enough in bsd BUILDS on itself

it all feels like a self "one-up"

its been too long since any of my large questions have been answered

honestly its rare that any of my questions are ever answered because the narrative rarely follows logical progression anyway and any scenes thats ARE useful are cut from the anime

characters do not *develop* their powers, they just simply ARE

whatever ability you are born with limits what you can do and thats that... which leads me to...

6. Types of Ability Users

the most coherent thing i think i can speak on so this will be short lol

there are 3 types... i think (excluding lightnovels, i have not read 15, Stormbringer, or any others)

(1) natural abilities (ones that can be nullified by dazai or stolen like in Dead Apple)

(2) human/god fusions (chuuya) -> but this can ALSO be nullified???

(3) when an ability isnt an ability (it CANT be nullified) -> ie: whatever the fuck Lovecraft is

Sigma -> ??? (he could be part of the natural ability category but like... it feels weird to put him there)

but... there is never a comparison between these types so im not even sure of this "list" is exhaustive

this is just another way the story is leaving open ways to dig itself out of a plot hole... which isnt fun... bc now there are no stakes... there are no rules... its disorganized chaos where anything can happen

everyone will always be fine because there is a way out of everything

and thats BORING... and for me, downright infuriating

fukuchi likely falls into the first category... but then again he's also using a tool from another ancient ability user... so does he even fit there?

7. Anime Adaptation

rushed

rushed

RUSHED

and i know why...

BSD is so thin on STABLE plot the story would feel like its dragging if Bones wasn't animating at the pace they are (see Manga Readers' POV)

so to try and counteract the feeling that nothing is happening they are cutting "irrelevant" scenes BUT ALSO important portions relevant ones (ie: aku's death)

do all the plot points from the manga happen? by definition, yes... but the nuance the manga has is lost almost entirely

Atsushi doesn't physically throw an injured Aku's arm over his shoulders... Aku doesn't smile upon his demise... Aku doesn't reach out through the fog of the fire extinguisher (the adaptation of this scene was personally my last straw)

and then we have the new anime content...

why did we tack on an additional fight? zero context... didn't even tie up loose ends from fukuchi like...

is sigma alive?

are chuuya/dazai/nikoali still in france? europe?

is fyodor going to return in some way? (we know nothing of his motives, ability, or MOST importantly, what information did he learn from Sigma??? his ability is an EXCHANGE so why even have that happen if they are both dead anyway?) why would you fucking kill off a character like this

WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS ENTIRE ARC??? The mere reason I'm asking this question is, in and of itself, unacceptable

we MAY get an answer later... but its been 20 episodes... why the fuck dont we know anything about the arc we just completed? ...ludicrous

Final Thoughts

BSD does not have enough reliable rules in its magic system to form a solid foundation of... anything

Fukuchi is a disjointed character trying to do too many things at once, he doesn't have solid motivations, and his arc provides more questions than it answers

Osamu Dazai is not a character... he is a plot device used like a saving throw in DND

BSD frequently insults my intelligence to cover it's ass in its storytelling

being a manga reader is like taking 30 days to rip off a tiny band aid... the pacing is unbearable

even with the end of fukuchi's arc now known, there was no sense of accomplishment in defeating him bc technically we didnt… he gave himself up... so the sword was just to make him overpowered... it was pointless

the anime adaptation was rushed, scenes cherry picked, and plot narratively thinned into water... there was no depth this season

In my opinion...

There are very few redeeming characteristics about BSD now

The few meaningful scenes we do get in the manga are overwritten by later context that negates any emotion initially associated with the scene

even with the end of fukuchi's arc now known, there was no sense of accomplishment in defeating him bc technically we didnt... he gave himself up

Dazai is the worst written character I have ever read

It is very likely i drop this story entirely

If I seem salty/upset/etc. its because I am. However is NOT directed at you, it is simply a manifestation of my disappointment in this story.

...

And there you have my opinion... in way too many words... thanks for sticking around if you made it this far im impressed bc i am salty as hell lol

fin

[ruthlesslistener]

For someone who is aromantic, you sure do love seeing headcanons different than yours as shipping. This whole thing would have been avoided if you never did. Although you have good reasons and are allowed to have preferences, you really did just unintentionally label those who headcanon differently than yours as "bad". You made them a red target. Even worse since as another anon had pointed out, you have anti followers. You just gave them something to munch about. An excuse to harass. You think they will listen to you when you say not to? Think again.

How many times do I have to explain that the reason why I thought it was ship content was because the only context I've seen the discussion was for porn. Deadass the only context. I have explained this multiple times and have also explained that I have zero problem with people who headcanon differently than me now that I do have context. I also apologized for the misunderstanding and clarified what is a personal trigger for disgust to prevent more issues in the future, because guess what? When you only ever see something being discussed to excuse underage porn, you sure as fuck are gonna have a strong unthinking negative response to it!! I genuinely feel bad for the people who had no idea that the fandom culture shifted over time, but I'm not apologizing for not having the context in the first place.

As for these anti followers of mine- how the actual fuck am I supposed to know what to do about them other than throw disclaimers when I don't know who they are?? I have over 3,000 fucking followers and I only interact with like five of them, how the actual shit am I supposed to know who's dangerous. Give me a fucking list for me to block them if you're so concerned, because that's deadass the only fucking thing I can do about them. I'm not responsible for people I don't know, all I can really do right now is condone the potential of harassment happening, especially since- again- I have no idea who these people are.

Also god fucking forbid someone have a strong gag response to perceived underage shipping on the internet. Oh nooooooooo it might influence people who I have no contact with or influence over to harass other people, despite me being very vocally hateful of antis and their actions and also LITERALLY BEING IN FANDOM AS A SIDE HOBBY. If having strongly negative opinions on underage shipping is equivalent to painting targets on people's backs then brother I'm bringing out the red paint and I'm slopping all of us with it.

[haysprite]

question: what do you think frank and Julie's relationship is like?

Oh my goodness, okay, Anon, I hope you know I've spent the whole time mulling over this as I've tried to figure out how to put everything into words lmao. I have so much I wanna talk about with them, but I'm gonna try and limit myself here cause some shit just needs to be drawn instead. Once again, might be disorganized, but it's fine as long as I get the idea across haha. Also, disclaimer to everyone, pls remember THIS IS JUST MY OPINION AND INTERPRETATION ! I'm workin with what we got so far, and while I'm excited to see what the comic will bring in terms of these two, this is what I personally believe at this current moment in time lmao. Alrighty, with that outta the way, let's dive in.

First things first, I just wanna get it out that I believe they are a fucking POWER couple. These two are able to read each other like an open book due to how close they are. They tell each other everything, know each other's boundaries super well (as well as respect them), and are honestly pretty inseparable. It would take a LOT to break them apart. They get in fights, ofc, like any young couple, but they always make up in the end cause they don't like being mad at each other and can't stand being apart.

It didn't take them long to grow close after they first met! They hit it off really well from the beginning, but I wouldn't say it was a love at first sight kinda thing? More like, besties at first sight (seeing as how Julie was immediately intrigued by Frank), and then fall in love later cause of how close they become. I feel like after the first party that Frank showed up to, that's just how they'd spend every one of Julie's parties together. They'd join in on the fun at first, but then sneak away to just be alone.

They love to spend hours talking to each other, just the two of them discussing whatever topic comes to mind first. They'll take long walks together, or stay up all night just holding each other, never wanting to let go. Some nights they'll go wreck havoc together, with or without Joey and Susie, feeling like they're unstoppable when with the other.

You can't convince me that they don't show a lot of PDA either lmaoo. Hand holding, kissing, cuddling, you name it! They want everyone to know that they're together, and that their partner is THEIR'S. Julie loves to sit on Frank's lap a lot and get piggy back rides from him. She just loves to be held in his arms, feeling safe and protected by him. They fall asleep together a lot, and sometimes Julie will wake up being suffocated by Frank cause he's holding her super tightly.

When it came to them actually admitting their feelings toward one another, I feel like it honestly came pretty naturally. There wasn't any big confession scene or whatever, they just kinda realized they liked each other due to their constant "friendly" flirting, kissed, and then moved forward from there lmao. I will say tho, before this happened, Julie was constantly talking to Susie, asking her whether or not she thought Frank liked her. Susie had to stifle a laugh every damn time cause she thought it was pretty obvious, but she's not one to speak cause of her and Joey. Frank, on the other hand, never said a damn thing to Joey, but Joey knew. He could sense it. Also Joey and Susie probably made bets on who would confess first let's be reallll.

Friendly bickering/bullying would play a huge part in their relationship as well. They'd both bug each other by doing harmless stuff that they knew the other would get annoyed or pissy about. They would never take it too far, though, since they never wanted to actually hurt the other. They just wanted to have fun and be silly. Lotta fun pranks and all that jazz. Most of the time they'd cause shit together on other people, though. One of their favorite pass times is probably seeing who could steal the most valuable shit in a short amount of time from shops or houses, just a little game they'd play. Neither of them would try too hard to impress each other as well.

In, short, they fucking love each other. Frank and Julie are each other's ride or die, and they would never do anything to hurt the other. They cause a lot of mayhem, and overall enjoy each other's company. They're in love and you can't convince me otherwise. Thank you for coming to my DBD Talk 🤭💞

[unprocione]

name : rian!

pronouns :  he/him :)

preference of communication : discord! always discord, i constantly forget tumblr ims exist, and on discord i can remark things as unread, so i don't lose the notification if i can't reply at the time, which helps when i'm burnt out or if my attention span is particularly bad that day.

most active muse :  leon & only leon these days!

experience / how many years :  i've been writing on tumblr since late 2018! it feels like way longer, i started writing on tumblr when red dead redemption 2 was released and i was writing josiah trelawny while the game was actually still under embargo, scrambling to watch every new playthrough episode i could find while the fandom was setting up. i didn't actually play the game myself until it was released on pc in late 2019!

best experience : i had several really good experiences writing atlas/frank fontaine from bioshock in a western cusp-of-the-nineteen-hundreds american heartland verse, going into alot of topics like industrialism at that time, the american labour movement and american union history, strike tactics & the economics of greed. it was inspired alot from a show on the usa network called damnation that got cancelled, i did a ton of historical research and i mostly wrote with red dead redemption ii muses, did alot of worldbuilding with @sharp-teeth-and-wide-grins who is an excellent roleplay partner! i'm working on potentially setting up that verse again but from a different perspective for leon, because i miss it.

rp pet peeves : oh i have alot of opinions but i keep 'em to myself until you give me an opportunity. can't stand people getting cancelled for writing villains as the actual villains they are in canon, or characters generally as more complicated morally, especially when they're referencing content from the actual media and people are losing their minds because they're not the fandom expectation or easy ship material. so many people will have 'mun does not equal muse!!' in their carrds and byfs but will clutch their pearls if you even quote directly from source material, and then harass the fuck out of you, send hate anons, suicide bait, i mean we've all seen it happen or heard about it if it hasn't happened to us directly, definitely so if you're on this site for more than a year, so you know what i mean. i don't like people looking to my writing for moral directives or sifting through all my content to glimpse some kind of agenda, i think that's chronically online behavior. obviously it's different if someone is writing pedophilia or something but i just feel like i shouldn't have to make that disclaimer at all, it feels like common sense but if i don't say something i run the risk of someone messaging me like 'so you support so & so? kill yourself!' y'know.

fluff, angst, or smut : i like all of these in moderation so long as there's depth to it further than just being fluff, angst, or smut for no cause, you know? if it's not signature to our muses, if it doesn't fit narratively, and is just feel-good content, i just get bored, and having any of this in back to back to back to back threads of just one roleplay genre is like being smothered to death with chocolate cake, i only like a little bit once in a while otherwise i get sick of it, y'know.

plots or memes : plotting 100%, but even though i heavily prefer plotting, i don't often have the energy for it? even if i really like the other muse's portrayal. or, alternatively, i will do all of this plotting in my head, and just like. never act on it, or bring it to my roleplay partner, due to this weird ocd-adjacent anxiety symptom i'm trying to break now that i have meds to help me out, where i make alot of social rules and conditions for myself that just overall completely pens me up and isolates me. i don't know what it's called but i've just always had that and it gets in the way of what i love doing all the time.

long or short replies : i don't have a reliable perception of long or short replies! i'm happy with two paragraphs but i'll reply with like six or eight paragraphs average because once i get over my anxiety there's really nothing else stopping me and i like run-on sentences and exposition and scenery and internal monologues!! and i know it's not always appropriate sometimes too, like if we agree on a shorter thread for less pressure, but i've always had a hard time knowing where to stop with anything, i have no perception of an appropriate point to cut off? i need like. a reverse nanowrimo.

time to write : apparently 11:00 pm - 6 am est, since that's when i'm most productive lately.

are you like your muses : god i hope not. i did choose to write leon as gay though because, i'm gay myself and it was more comfortable for me, even though he's pretty heterosexual in canon, but that's less from me wanting to relate with him on a point, and more because i have had some really uncomfortable and bad experiences shipping with female muses who didn't respect boundaries in the past. whether that's projecting attraction on me as a person instead of my muse, or wanting me to write noncon or torture porn, and finding a way to take it out on me when i said no or tried to let them down easy, and it's one of those things where looking back on the memory of it gives me the same tight-chested feelings as alot of people get when they've been involved in intense drama and callouts and stuff. just can't do it anymore! maybe that'll change someday ^^

tagged by: @blitzkriegers & @omniterror thamk u both for tagging :) tagging: @ubcs, @sinibell, @valour-bound, @mycelae