#sighs really pathetically. i feel like i could cry i'm really nervous to post this

[tunastime]

A Minute in the Morning

so I started playing pokemon legends arceus. crumples to the ground. (2762 words)

In a hazy, rusty morning light, Ingo wakes up.

It’s a slow start—like his office computer, taking a whole ten minutes to finish booting, enough to stir sugar into his morning coffee and dissect his breakfast sandwich into parts. It feels like it takes just about that much time for Ingo to become aware of where he’s lying, which is in bed. Which is not where he fell asleep to begin with, which means that someone lifted him to bed and tucked him in. Which was rather sweet. Because he’s burrowed into the covers like a happy drilbur, keeping the cold from his fingers and toes and nose. He finally blinks his eyes open, and it’s sunrise that fills his room. Not his room. Scratch that. Emmet’s room. No wonder the blankets are so much lighter than he remembers them being. Nevertheless. Happy drilbur. He weasels a little more into the pillow. From either side of him, something moves. It’s slight, if there, but as he cranes his neck, slow and careful, he can see a dark head of hair on one side, and silver-white on the other. 

Ingo’s heart swells a fraction too big and too warm for his chest as he sighs out.

Elesa and Emmet haven’t woken up yet, which is a plus. If he were to move too much and move them he might lose the warmth from either side. Elesa’s shoulder rests against the crest of his back, and Emmet’s holding onto his elbow with one hand. The grip is loose at best, but the warmth, both from shoulder to spine and hand to elbow, seeps through him.

It’s blurry. Just everything. It kind of mushes together in his brain, like jam. Or maybe jelly. It doesn’t really matter. If he thinks too hard, his stomach starts to twist in knots, and he’d rather not feel sick while he’s trying to enjoy his morning. He remembers falling asleep while the television played the night prior—nighttime skits and commercials he filtered out until Emmet’s shoulder became the comfiest thing. He supposes that sometime between that point, and the point which he’s just woken up, Elesa came in, and at some other point, he was carted off to bed. It’s nice, though. The blankets make just enough weight over him to soothe ache and anxiety, and it’s warm, and he’s mostly thinking about how nice a cup of coffee sounds right now. Maybe a latte. Something warm. He shuts his eyes again.

The light is surprisingly yellower when he wakes up again. There’s still a warm weight on both sides of him, but it feels different than before. It stretches over him, too, more than just the weighted blanket that’s been added on top of him. He peeks an eye open to find Eelektross slumped over him, his large head curled near Ingo’s shoulder and his similarly large eyes shut as he snores. Ingo snorts, trying to shift to his back with the weight over him, without waking Eelektross. He does after a moment, settling once again, only for Eelektross to huff and fix one, tired eye on his face. Ingo smiles, just a little.

Wriggling a hand free, he pats Eelektross’ forehead, a path well pet and well loved.

“Good morning, you gigantic eel.”

Eelektross trills, nuzzling into Ingo’s hand.

“Mm, yes,” Ingo says. “I’m sure that definitely did not alert Emmet that I am awake, meaning I can’t fake any more sleep. Thank you Eelektross.”

The eel gives a happy sniff.

Ingo snorts.

Typical.

The door cracks open a moment later, the wide eyes of his brother peeking through. He raises his eyebrows, looking over Ingo and Eelektross still in bed. It comes with a little head tilt, something Ingo knows is indicative of an Emmet with a question.

“Sleep well?” he asks. Ingo nods.

“I think so,” he says. “I didn’t realize I’d be carried to bed when I fell asleep.”

“Ah!” Emmet says, eyebrows raising. “I made sure you stayed asleep when we carried you in. You’re a very deep sleeper when you want to be.”

It’s getting better, the gaps in his memory. It’s not enough to trust himself to start his duties as a Subway Boss again, but it's enough to have a few doctor’s appointments and to speak with police and his boss and their coworkers. He’s remembered their pokemon, which is why Eelektross didn’t startle him. And he’s remembered enough for him to fall asleep on Emmet’s shoulder with no care in the world. Enough for life to begin to settle from the chaos. Today is Tuesday, which means Emmet has the day off, and Ingo can tell, even as he reaches to wipe sleep from his eyes, that Emmet is still in his pajamas. He opens the door a little wider, leaning against the doorframe. 

“Ah,” Ingo echoes. “Was it Elesa’s idea to sleep in your room rather than my own?”

“It was,” Emmet concedes, smiling. “But I am Emmet, and I make a very good pillow.”

“You are Emmet and you are a very clingy sleeper,” Ingo says, letting his eyes shut again. Emmet makes a startled noise.

“Go-Go, don’t fall asleep again,” he yaps. “Your breakfast will get cold.”

Slowly, Ingo opens one eye, looking at his brother in the doorway. Eelektross snuffs into his shoulder, wriggling off of him. He grunts as the eel’s weight shifts off, leaving him free, but cooler.

“What’s for breakfast?” he says, watching Eelektross wriggle off the bed and toward Emmet. Emmet opens the door a bit further, takes a step back, and hefts the eel into his arms, knees bending with the weight. Ingo watches Emmet giggle to himself, shifting Eelektross in his arms to better wrap around his neck and arms, weight heavy against him. Clearly.

“Pancakes,” Emmet huffs. He’s still smiling, something almost infectious.

“Alright,” Ingo sighs.

“I also cut some fruit.”

“I’m getting up,” Ingo grumbles, rolling onto his side before he peels himself up and into a sit.

“I think Elesa left her nice coffee creamer, also.”

“I’m already up, Em,” Ingo snorts, trying not to laugh. “You don’t have to convince me.”

Emmet laughs again.

“Just adding!” he says cheerily, wobbling off toward the living room. In the open doorway, Ingo can see the sprawl of their living room and kitchen, lit by yellow daylight. Ingo sighs, stretching his arms above his head, twisting around. When the room settles, he stands, and he realizes that the room is warm around him. Emmet must’ve turned the heat on, and it must actually be working. He hums as he combs his hair back, wandering into the bathroom to wash his face.

When he finally makes it to the kitchen table, Emmet is sitting at the table, scrolling on his x-transceiver. He’s changed into a cream-colored, high collared sweater, his hair held back with a small headband. Eelektross is lying across the couch, head resting on the arm. There’s a plate of pancakes sitting in front of Ingo’s seat at the table, and a half-eaten plate in front of Emmet. He looks up as Ingo sits, raising his eyebrows.

“Good morning,” Emmet says. He nudges a cup of coffee toward Ingo. It’s a light brown color—likely the way that Ingo likes it. It helps they like their plain coffee the same way. If it were any other type of coffee, Ingo’s certain there would be some big disagreement—type of milk and way of prep and iced versus hot. But Ingo takes a long sip of hot coffee and nearly sighs in relief. Whatever fancy creamer Elesa buys really does make a plain cup of coffee so much better. He sits, nudging Emmet with his foot under the table.

“What are you reading?” he asks, gesturing with his fork to Emmet’s phone. Emmet holds it up.

“Article on a new electric rail system in Galar.” 

Ingo tilts his head, nodding along.

“Interesting. Any good?”

“Very efficient,” Emmet says, nodding along. He eventually pulls back, setting his phone face down on the table and returning to his pancakes. He takes a large bite, and through it, says:

“Maybe Gear Station should get some upgrades.”

Ingo snorts.

“We’re already quite efficient,” he says. “Do you think our trains could be quicker? Easier to board?”

Emmet shrugs.

“Wishful thinking. They’re already automatically driven, so there isn’t much more, but maybe longer cars to hold more passengers. Our trains are quite small.”

“Sounds expensive,” Ingo says, drinking his coffee. He pulls apart his stack of pancakes, poking at them with his fork.

“Maybe they’ve already got an upgrade in the works,” Emmet says. “It’s been a while since we’ve had an all-staff meeting. Perhaps we should inform the director.”

“Especially since I’ve returned and have about three years to catch up on, mm?”

Emmet smiles. It’s a bit tight, though. Ingo glances away, biting into his tongue. Should’ve kept that thought to himself.

“Maybe you’re right,” he says. “Though I promise you that not much has changed in the last three years.”

Ingo hums. He believes it, that nothing much has shifted. It’s hard to say, obviously, considering he wasn’t there to see it for himself, but his brother was never the type to lie without a reason, and this certainly didn’t have a good one. He takes a large bite of pancake and finds them still warm. It’s a quiet breakfast, between pancakes and coffee and Galvantula sleeping underneath the table. Emmet eventually finishes his food, shoveling large bites of pancake into his mouth as quickly as he can. Ingo watches him swallow with surprising difficulty, reaching for his cup of coffee. It takes a moment for Ingo to stomach the rest of his pancakes. Having this much food is a luxury he had not often afforded a month prior. His stomach still wasn’t used to it.

“Where is Elesa?” Ingo asks after a beat. Emmet talks through a mouthful of pancake and strawberry and maple syrup. 

“Mm, she had four battle appointments today, but she’ll be back around. Probably before two.”

Emmet is the first to finish, setting all his dishes together as he stands. He moves around Ingo as Ingo finishes, collecting dishes and setting everything in the sink. As Ingo stands to pass him his plate, he asks:

“Did you have a plan today?

“Mm?” Emmet hums. “No, not particularly. Why? Is there something you wanted to do?”

Ingo frowns, face pulling.

“Well,” he starts. “I was thinking—”

“Ah,” Emmet interjects. “Your first mistake—”

“I was thinking,” Ingo continues, narrowing his eyes. “That it might be a good idea for us to visit Elesa. I need to ask her for a new coat.”

“Mm!” Emmet startles, turning toward him. His face brightens. “That’s right! You do need a new coat. Good thing she’ll be over later, mm?”

Ingo nods. He fetches his coffee mug, pouring another cup of black coffee to balance the sweetened dregs. He leans back against the counter right as Emmet goes to hand him a dish to put away. They work in tandem for a moment, pausing as Ingo works to finish his coffee.

It’s a slow morning, 8:45am, and Ingo gazes back at his bed with longing.

It’s just. When’s the last time he had such a good sleep, right? On a bed that soft? He’d gotten so used to tatami mats and the grass and canvas laid out on the ground and here was a bed, with thick fluffy blankets and several large pillows and another person taking up space. It was very—stop it, Ingo—it’s comfortable. He hands Emmet his coffee mug.

“Ingo,” Emmet says.

Ingo hums. His eyes have drifted to the couch. Maybe standing is a little hard today. He should sit, shouldn’t he?

“Is my brother still up there?” Emmet asks, tapping Ingo’s head. Ingo startles as he does, turning to him.

“I would hope so,” he says. “Otherwise I don’t know where I’d be.”

“Not here, obviously” Emmet says. He finishes rinsing Ingo’s mug, setting it top down on the drying mat. “Though I’m not entirely sure you’re all there right now, are you?”

“Trying,” Ingo hums. “Too much going on.”

Emmet hums, a bit of a laugh showing through.

“You look like you’re about to fall over.”

“I won’t,” Ingo promises.

“I don’t believe you,” Emmet says, shutting off the sink. The clean dishes sit on the rack, dripping water. Emmet wipes his hands with a dish towel. “You know, you should be resting if your engine isn’t working at full capacity. Rest is very important”

“Can’t be a well oiled machine with nowhere to go,” Ingo says, folding his arms. “I don’t understand why I don’t have the energy to move anymore.”

“Does the why matter?” Emmet asks. He’s leaning against the counter now, a mirror to Ingo, like he often was to Emmet. It was a natural progression—one following after the other, a mirror, a shadow, a doppleganger.

“It matters a little,” Ingo shrugs. “It matters to me. It gives me a reason.”

“Your reason is that you’ve gone through a lot,” Emmet says, pushing away from the counter. He scoops up his x-transceiver from the table, moving around it and through the apartment as he talks. “Your reason is that your body is playing catch-up with the world around you.”

“Maybe,” Ingo huffs.

“I am Emmet,” says his brother. “I am tired. I don’t sleep well. Do you think it’s my fault that I’m tired and don’t sleep well?”

Ingo grits his teeth. He hates this part—ever since they were little, Emmet would flip this hypocritical card, showing Ingo exactly how stupid he was sounding. It was good, for the most part, because Emmet was right and next time Emmet did the same thing, Ingo could follow suit with that card. But it was so annoying watching it now, watching Emmet throw open the blinds and shimmy open the window for the fire escape. A tinged-cool spring breeze filters in through the open window, tossing the curtains aside. Emmet keeps moving as Ingo thinks, the gears in his head turning slowly, still dulled with sleep. 

“No,” Ingo says shortly, watching Emmet rearrange coasters on the coffee table, setting game controllers back into their docks. “I don’t think anything is your fault.”

“Well now you are just flattering me, Go-Go.”

“Don’t say that flattery never got anyone anywhere,” Ingo says, pointing at him, waving his finger. Emmet laughs.

“My point is,” he says, gesturing to the couch. “You’re allowed to rest. We can figure out the steps from there, right? Even if we’re sitting on the couch to do it.”

Ingo sighs, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

“Even if I fall asleep?”

Emmet nods, still smiling a little.

“I will wake you if you do.”

Ingo huffs out a laugh, feeling the edges of his mouth quirk up. As Emmet sits on the soft, corduroy couch, Ingo feels himself pulled forward, as if recalled, to sit beside him. He brings his knees up as he settles into his familiar spot between the back and arm of the couch. 

“Do you promise you’ll shake me awake?” Ingo says, leaning his head against the back of the couch. Emmet scrunches his nose.

“Yes,” he says, knocking his knuckles into Ingo’s knee. “I do. But I’m going to watch Alakazam! so you can think without my talking.”

Ingo nods. The television hums to life quietly in the background.

Emmet always watches Alakazam! at 9am. At least, when he can catch it. Ingo watches the last few minutes of the previous game show, something quiet and low despite the flash of colors and excited spread of energy. As the show starts, he watches Emmet’s face shift, that serious pull to his mouth and the furrow of his eyebrows that Ingo only sees when they’re battling. To see that spark again, not knowing how long it’s been gone, turns a question in Ingo’s mind.

“Emmet,” he says.

“Yes, I am Emmet,” Emmet says. “You are Ingo. What do you need?”

“I think I've got an idea of what I want to do today.”

Emmet turns his head a bit, looking at Ingo mostly out of the corner of his eye. His eyes flick back and forth between Ingo’s face and the television, waiting for his program to start.

“Mm?” Emmet asks. Ingo smiles a bit, a laugh stuck behind his teeth.

He sees the glint in Emmet’s eye before he even asks his question.

“What about a pokemon battle?”

[nastymeowmeow]

"Never trust how you feel about your life after 9pm."

My friend shared that quote and it's so good? I'm definitely having sad thoughts right now, and it's 10pm so... they are invalid by this logic.

I just really miss her. I know I'm being so annoying and pathetic about it. She's like at minimum 50% of what I write about, but she is at minimum 50% of what I think about all day. This is so stupid.

Would I go back in time and change things? Probably not. There were so many amazing feelings she gave me, and I wouldn't want to have had it any other way with anyone else.

When we first saw each other to play Magic in my living room, I remember thinking how much I loved her voice. It's sexy no matter what she says. The way she says certain words would immediately light a fire in my soul. She had a random anxiety attack when she left my house and immediately called me. I was weirded out because nobody makes phone calls these days, but I thought it was cute because she was truly embarrassed and nervous and apologetic and when she saw how I reacted, she was really grateful that I wasn't judgemental or standoffish, and I didn't invalidate her feelings. I was happy to be talking to her even though she had just been in my house.

The first time we went out together I did the most embarrassing thing ever. I'm almost 30 years old. I've been in at least 10 serious relationships. I've flirted before. I've been with women before. I should be chill by now, but we had a moment where I felt a romantic tension between us and I felt like she was going to make a move on me, and she was so close to me, I panicked and I literally side-stepped her and FUCKING RAN AWAY. I got so nervous I literally ran away from her. I can imagine she probably felt like she did something wrong or like I didn't like her like that, but it was the exact opposite. I still can't believe I did that. I felt like a fucking virgin.

When we kissed, it was amazing. I've never liked kissing. I have too many traumas that make kissing a trigger for me. It was a problem for a lot of my exes, because they felt like I wasn't affectionate, but kissing just makes me uncomfortable. I didn't feel that way with her, though. I felt safe, and kissing her felt so right.

Everything felt right with her. I think that's why I fell so fucking hard. Bitches be tripping status. Straight tripped and fell right in fucking love like an idiot. I never had moments with her that made me uncomfortable. I never felt unsafe. I didn't feel the need to protect myself. I should have. I shouldn't have let my guard down so quickly. That was my mistake, but I really thought she was going to be the one for me.

I could literally type for hours about all the things I loved about her. I just really miss her and what we had. I wonder if things were different in her eyes, though. I wonder what kinds of things she saw in me that made her want to leave.

Thank fuck for Tumblr. Being able to post to here any time I need to vent has been a fucking Godsend. Without it, I probably would have messaged her a million times and really pissed her off. Or pissed off my friends for talking so much about her. At least I get to be weak where nobody I know will see it. Except for Amber but she literally watched me cry in bed and on my couch for a week straight. She don't count.

Big sigh. I'll be rewatching the first season of American Horror Story to distract me from the sad thoughts. The only thought that's running through my head is "I miss her I miss her I miss her I miss her." I wish my brain would just shut the entire fuck up.

[cruciferousjex]

The Attendant Five:

Make The Bad Thing Good

"Look, I don't have the temperament for...for whatever the fuck this is, " Glimmer said. She paced back and forth before the couch where Catra sat, hugging her arms around herself, still in her bloody clothes despite Hordak following her about with a folded nightgown, desperately urging her to take it.

He had reacted badly to the blood. He was still at his post outside the dining room door when Prime finally dismissed them, after a hours of grilling about Etheria and the weapon it contained. Hordak straightened on seeing the girls exhausted and covered in blood, his green eyes going wide. He took Glimmer by the shoulders and turned her, looking for the wound. 

"It's okay," Glimmer said tiredly. "It's not my blood."

He glanced conceredly at Catra.

"Not hers either."

He looked back and forth between them. Something flickered in his expression. His eyes narrowed. He glanced back inside the dining room as if to hold someone accountable for this offense to his charges, but the dining room was empty. He returned to the girls,  placed his hands protectively on their upper backs, and gently urged them back towards their rooms, dead eyeing any clone who passed them in the halls. As soon as they got there he retrieved fresh clothes for them, which Catra opted for, but Glimmer was too much of a nervous wreck to do anything but pace.

Catra lay on the couch, wearing the simple white nightgown Hordak had handed her, sipping tea as she watched Glimmer traverse the living room, Hordak following her with a nightgown. 

"How are you so calm!?" Glimmer snapped at Catra.

"Look Sparkles, nobody just 'has' the temperament for this. Especially not you. You're a Princess, of course you don't understand anything about rulers."

"The fuck this that supposed to mean?"

"That means if you ARE the ruler you never have to learn to work a ruler."

"Oh, because you learned to work Hordak, is that it?"

"Pretty much," Catra said, drinking her tea.

Glimmer glanced at Hordak, who at this point was wide-eyed and limp eared with concern, practically begging her to take the nightgown. She turned to Catra with a look of quiet horror.

"Catra...was...was Hordak like that?"

His ear flicked slightly at the name.

"No," Catra said. "No, Hordak was...I mean he could get angry and violent, but he wasn't like...twisted." She looked at him. "He was actually kind of pathetic. All he cared about was trying to buy his way home."

"By using Etheria as payment? How is that not twisted?"

"I meant in the sense that he never forced me to eat a bowl of myself or walk around with my tit out."

Glimmer frowned. "Well that's...something. I guess." She turned to Hordak and took the nightgown. The relief on his face was palpable. "Why would you ever want to come back here?" she asked him.

Hordak quirked his head at her, not understanding the question.

"I mean...when something is all you know,  it's all you know. Even if it's bad," Catra said, looking down into her teacup. "It's like you have to make the bad thing good. You have to make the bad thing good or ...or you'll die, or something."

Glimmer 's brow furrowed. "What are you talking about? There's nothing good to be made from Prime. What did he think he was going to change?"

Catra didn't reply at first. She sighed.

"Sparkles...Glimmer...your mom loved you, right?"

Glimmer seemed taken aback. "Yeah? Of course she did. Everyone's mom loves them."

Catra laughed grimly. 

"What?" 

"Okay first of all, no, not everyone's mom loves them. Some moms are fucked up. Some dads are fucked up. Sometimes parents have their own fucking goals and you aren't one of them. But like… that doesn't matter when you're the kid, you know?"

"I don't."

"Even if they're fucked up you still...love them.  And like...you want them to love you. More than anything. More than like...breathing. Even if you don't like them, even if you HATE them, you literally feel like you'll die if they don't love you, like there's a huge…hole...in you...and you'll do anything…." Catra's voice broke. She grimaced. "You'll do anything you think you have to do. For Hordak, that was take over Etheria." She sighed. "At least I think that was what was going on with him."

Glimmer considered this. 

"Is that...is that also what was going on with you?" Glimmer asked softly.

Catra's mouth made a tight line. She gazed into her tea.

"Go get changed,  Sparkles. Take a bath or something." She turned to Hordak. "Attendant, draw a bath for the queen."

He leapt into action, seemingly overjoyed to be put to work.

"Catra-"

"Look how happy he is," Catra chuckled. "He's drawing the living fuck out of that bath. Go. You'll hurt his feelings."

Glimmer frowned. 

"Go!" Catra said. "I can't watch you freak the fuck out anymore, okay? Go calm your royal nerves."

Glimmer gave an exasperated sigh and followed Hordak.

"Careful he doesn't make you absolutely squeal," Catra called after her.

Glimmer shuddered and made a big show of pretending to vomit. Catra laughed.

"I'm absolutely horking chunks," Glimmer said. "Prime's so gross."

"He's so fucking gross," Catra agreed. 

***

While Glimmer bathed, Hordak joined Catra in the living room and carefully folded their bloodied clothes, then dumped them in what she assumed was some sort of hamper. His eyes narrowed as he did this. Mouth made an even straighter line than usual.

"You're… you're pissed off, aren't you?" Catra asked softly as he refilled her tea. "I know that look."

Hordak did not reply. He stood next to the couch with his hands clasped behind his back, servant like, at the ready. 

"Sit down," Catra said. 

He made to sit on the floor.

"On the couch, dipshit," Catra said. "God, we were taking over Etheria together and now you don't even know how to sit on a couch. Remember building all those cool robots? Coming up with all that...stuff? You used to really love being in your lab tinkering with things. You called it your Sanctum." She took a sip of tea. "Fucking nerd. Now look at you. All of that...all of this...for him? For that guy, Hordak? He doesn't love you, he was never gonna love you, and now you're-"

Hordak watched and listened patiently, green eyed, expressionless.

An ache rose up in her.

"Whatever, " she muttered into her teacup. "You made your bed. This was what you wanted, right?" Her breath caught in her throat. Her eyes burned. "Bet you thought winning would be different, huh? You thought Prime would hug you and spin you around? Tell you you're a good boy?"

He tilted his head. Blinked.

"I'm sorry he did this to you, " Catra said, sniffing. "You were a real piece of shit, but…." 

Hordak took a napkin from the tea tray and handed it to her. 

"What's this for?"

He pointed to her cheek. It was wet.

"Aw. Aw fuck," Catra said, dabbing at her cheek. "I know I'm not crying over you."

He stared at her.

"I wish you'd talk," Catra whispered.

Hordak frowned, and with much effort, said, "Good...boy."

"Yes," Catra said. "Yes, you're a good boy."

And he smiled, as though that were all he needed to hear.

***

After Glimmer's bath Catra had one, then Hordak herded them into the bedroom like a sheepdog. 

"Oh is it bedtime? Is this like, enforced bedtime?" Glimmer asked. "What are you my mom?" 

"I could go for some enforced bedtime, I'm exhausted," Catra said. "One bed. Thanks Prime, you sicko weirdo fuck." She frowned at it. "Though to be fair it's huge."

"Prime sized," Glimmer muttered.

"He wishes," Catra said.

"He clearly does and it scares the shit out of me," Glimmer said. 

There was a knock on the door. The girls froze. Hordak's eyes narrowed with the same anger Catra had seen while he folded their bloody clothes.

"What the hell does he want now?" Catra asked. "It's the middle of the night."

Hordak went to answer the door. Catra and Glimmer remained in the bedroom listening.

"Prime requests the presence of the Queen and her Lady," said a clone.

There was silence for a long moment. Glimmer and Catra exchanged worried looks.

"Sleeping," Hordak finally said, as though it was difficult for him to find the word.

"Prime requests the presence of the Queen and her Lady," the clone repeated.

"Asleep," Hordak said. "Sleeping."

Catra peeked around the door frame. The clone tilted his head, peering at Hordak.

"Prime. Requests the presence. Of the Queen. And her Lady," the clone insisted, slowly, as though Hordak were too stupid to understand him. 

Hordak lifted his chin.

"Sleepy," he said, crossing his arms. "Sleepy girls."

The clone frowned. There was a tense standoff, which ended when Hordak simply took a step back and allowed the door to slide shut between them. 

Catra and Glimmer gave big sighs of relief. Hordak joined them in the bedroom, glancing back at the door as he walked.  

"Thank you, Hordak," Glimmer said. "Good boy." 

He smiled.

"Are you going to get in trouble for that?" Catra asked him.

"Oh no," Glimmer said. "Oh god, do you think-"

"I don't know. I mean I'm pretty sure he just disobeyed a direct order." Catra's eyes widened. "Holy shit, Hordak. How did you-"

She stopped talking when Hordak slowly raised his arms and placed his hands on top of each of their heads. He looked at them both in turn, as though trying to impart something, but what that was wasn't clear. 

"Sleepy girls," he finally said. "Sleep."

And with that he left the bedroom. 

When they awoke the next morning he was sat in a chair facing the door, standing guard. There had not been another clone messenger knocking in the night. Prime had chosen to leave them alone.  

"Was he here guarding us like this the whole night?" Glimmer asked.

"Looks like it. Good morning, Hordak," Catra said. 

He did not turn, but he did glance back. His ear gave a slight flick.

"Did you see that?" Glimmer asked. "He's starting to think that's his name."

"It is his name," Catra replied.

"Yeah," Glimmer said. "Yeah he gets to keep his name. Attendant!"

He turned and rose from the chair. 

"Stay seated," she commanded. She walked over to him and paused before him with a royal gravity. He looked up at her with wide eyes,  as though she truly was his queen. 

She held her palm vertically before him, touching one shoulder with the side of her hand, then the other.

"I dub thee Hordak," she said. "Rise."

[artificialqueens]

I'm Not The Jealous Type (Pharon) - Dottie

AN: This took me a while to finish but I’m really happy with the way it turned out! I think I want to continue this, but I don’t want it to be a multi-chaptered fic, so I’ll probably just post a few more fics that are in the same universe. Also, they are Cis!males and Drag Queens, I just use their drag names and she/her. Okay, I think that’s it from me! Enjoy!!!

Summary: Phi Phi likes to pretend that she’s not the jealous type, she likes to pretend it’s completely fine that Sharon and Alaska are still so fucking close.

And it is fine, it’s completely fine. Most of the time. Like when they go and get coffee or see a movie together once every few weeks when their schedules line up. Or when Alaska comes to Pittsburgh for a gig and stays with them for a couple of days before heading back to Los Angeles. Small things like that that normal friends do together. And Phi Phi loves Alaska, she always has, don’t get her wrong, she’s had enough of that with Season 4 and All Stars 2 to last her a lifetime. What isn’t completely fine is that whenever Alaska snaps her long bony fingers, Sharon comes running. Okay, so she might be exaggerating a little tiny bit, but that’s what it feels like. She also doesn’t mind that they talk on the phone, because friends do that, it’s normal. But it’s been happening literally once or twice a day, almost everyday, ever since they got back from their UK Halloween Tour. It’s also during the most inconvenient times, like when Phi Phi and Sharon are having some much needed alone time after going a few days without seeing each other.

It just feels like Phi Phi is in a committed relationship with Sharon, and Sharon is in a committed relationship with Alaska and is seeing Phi Phi on the side. And Phi Phi knows how Sharon feels about her, and she trusts them, and she knows that they’re one hundred percent platonic, but they’re also exes who were deeply in love when Phi Phi and Sharon met on Drag Race. And that kind of intimidates Phi Phi sometimes. Like on bad days when the negative thoughts in her head get a little too negative. And she doesn’t want to bother Sharon or Alaska with these thoughts because she knows it’s stupid. Sharon has told her so many times how amazing she is for being so okay with her and Alaska’s friendship, it makes her feel guilty when she has those thoughts and when she gets upset because Sharon leaves the room to go talk to Alaska, or flies out to see Alaska because she misses her. But it fucking hurts when Sharon chooses Alaska over Phi Phi. The problem with bottling up jealousy, anger and hurt is that it’s a very toxic, unpredictable and explosive combination. And Phi Phi has worked really hard on not reacting to everything and getting angry, but she just doesn’t know where to put her emotions so she stores them away.

It happens on a saturday night. Sharon had two weeks off, and Alaska was staying at their house for a few days with Sharon while Phi Phi was out of state playing a few shows as Phi Phi and Jaremi. She was only gone for a week, but it felt too long. She missed Sharon liked crazy, they had face timed once or twice but it wasn’t the same as seeing her in person. All Phi Phi wanted to do when she got home was to take a nice hot shower and curl up in Sharon’s arms, turn off their phones and just sleep for a few days.

The closer the Uber gets to their house the more excited she gets, until finally they pull up in front of the house. The Uber Driver helps Phi Phi carry her stuff to the front door and she thanks him quickly as he walks away. She opens the front door, carrying in a few of her bags, leaving the rest outside until she puts the ones she has in the bedroom.

“Sharon! I’m ho-” She stops immediately when she sees Sharon and Alaska very intimately curled up together on the couch sound asleep. Her heart drops down to her stomach at the sight. Sharon is in between the couch and Alaska, facing outward with her arms wrapped tightly around the ‘blonde’ while Alaska was facing the back of the couch with her head resting in the crook of Sharon’s neck.

Suddenly every single bottled up emotion hits her all at once and she feels nauseous. Phi Phi can’t stop the tears from coming but she tries and fails  to suppress them until she finishes bringing in the rest of her bags into the house. She leaves them in the front hallway and quickly rushes to the bathroom so she could let her emotions take over. She stands under the shower head sobbing until the water that was once near scalding hot turns ice cold and her hands look like prunes. She doesn’t wipe the fog off the mirror like she normally does, not wanting to see how pathetic she looks. When she opens the bathroom door to her and Sharon’s bedroom she almost jumps out of her skin because Sharon is sitting on their bed. She looks up and smiles sleepily at her, making Phi Phi’s heart ache.

“Hey baby, welcome home.” Her voice was rough from sleep and she looks very soft and warm. She extends her arms to invite Phi Phi in for a hug, but she ignores them and instead walks over to her closet and changes into sweatpants and a t shirt.

“Is everything okay Phiefs?” Sharon asks obviously confused by her cold behavior.

“Everything’s fine.” She lies still not looking at her, she’s fidgeting around the bedroom trying not to break down again and embarrass herself but she should have known better because Sharon knows her better than anyone.

“Everything’s not fine, you keep fidgeting and you won’t look at me. What’s wrong, honey?” She’s right behind Phi Phi, and it was taking everything in her not to turn around and bury her face in Sharon’s neck and cry.

She slowly turns around, still not meeting her eyes, instead she stares at the stupid ‘Team Phi Phi’  t shirt that she had bought Sharon as a joke right before the Season 4  finale. The sight of it makes her feel angry and sad at the same time and she can’t explain why, it should make her feel happy that after all these years she’s still wearing something Phi Phi had bought her before they were even together. But then she remembers what she walked into and she remembers all the late night phone calls and movie night phone calls, and just all of the goddamn phone calls.

“Do you still have feelings for Alaska?”

There was a pregnant pause, and it made Phi Phi nervous. She bawled her hands up into fists, then relaxed them, then bawled them up and repeat for a few seconds trying to calm down her rapid heart and breathing.

“What? Why are you asking me that?” Sharon said. She can’t place the tone of her voice and she doesn’t know if that’s good or bad but she doesn’t like it either way.

“You didn’t answer my question.” She still wasn’t looking at her, too afraid she’s going to break down and let Sharon see how weak she still is.

It was quiet for a few more seconds, “Phi Phi…” Sharon sighs, “Babe, please look at me.” Sharon says softly. She finally looks up and she sees the hurt and confusion all over her face.

“Just answer my fucking question.” She doesn’t say it with malice or with a pointed tone, she barely whispers it, yet it sounds louder and harsher than if she had yelled.

“I- I, she’s my best friend, and we have such a strong history together and I will always love her, but it’s not like how it used to be. It never will be like how it used to be. Where is all of this even coming from?”

Phi Phi averts her eyes and shrugs before answering. “It’s just…Alaska, and the stupid phone calls. Every single time she calls you, you answer no matter what we’re doing. Movie night, date night, during dinner, when you think I’m asleep. You always always always have to physically leave the room just to talk to her for a couple hours almost every single day. She’s all you talk about when it’s just the two of us, ‘Alaska said this, and Alaska did that, she’s so funny and smart’” Phi Phi’s voice is getting louder and louder and she’s getting more and more worked up recalling everything that’s been bothering her for the past couple of months, “And then, I’m excited to get home and see you for the first fucking time in a fucking week because I missed you so fucking much, and I walk in and,” her voice breaks, tears forming in her eyes, “and you’re holding her like if you don’t, she’ll slip away. Like how you used to hold me. And you never fucking answer when I call.” Hot tears are rolling down her face.

She only looks back at Sharon when she hears her start laughing and her hurt turns into anger in zero point two seconds. “Why are you fucking laughing?”

“Babe, are you jealous?” Sharon asks, giggling. Phi Phi is immediately taken aback, which makes Sharon laugh harder.

“Will you shut up I’m trying to have a serious conversation!” She yells. Sharon sobers up and smiles at her boyfriend, who’s glaring at her. Sharon wraps her arms around Phi Phi and pulls her flush against her. She kisses the top of Phi Phi’s head and rubs her back. Phi Phi just stands there, still fuming with her arms crossed.

“I’m sorry for laughing, Phiefs. And I’m sorry that I’ve been spending so much more time with Alaska, I didn’t know it bothered you so much.” Sharon says, Phi Phi reluctantly wraps her arms around her stupid boyfriend’s waist.

“I don’t mind you spending time with Alaska, and I don’t mind you guys being friends. I love Alaska, I just feel like I’ve been coming second to her and it hurts a lot, and I know it’s stupid and I don’t mean to be jealous but it’s really hard sometimes, especially seeing you two on the couch earlier.” Phi Phi says, slightly muffled by Sharon’s chest.

“I know, Phiefs. You’ve been so amazing about mine and Alaska’s friendship and I think we took it for granted and I’m sorry. I love you so much and I don’t want to lose you.” Sharon pulls away and plants a chaste kiss on Phi Phi’s lips and God has Phi Phi missed kissing Sharon. “Come on, it’s been a long day, let’s go to bed.”

Phi Phi nods in agreement and climbs into bed next to Sharon, letting herself be pulled close. Sharon turns off the lights and Phi Phi falls asleep quickly, finally being in the arms she’s been missing.