#sighhh look how far I’ve come

[i-ate-a-purse]

You know what’s criminal? Me teasing a drawing and then never actually posting it!

Better late than never I guess! Some young ancients content!

Here’s another doodle I planned to post along with it, as well as a tiny joke comic below!

I loved the idea that GC was raised by a bunch of cheese birds

[euthymiya]

sighhh you’re so right about fontaine but i’ve seen so many posts where they make the skin tones of nathan characters darker and suddenly their colour palette pops and they look amazing (even ororon) (i think they were designed to have darker skin and it wasn’t approved or something bc of the main market etc etc)

Okay bear with me. I have lots to say. In fact I have so many opinions about natlan I don’t even know where to begin

The skin tones primarily are ofc such a majorrrr bummer. But yes, I agree that a lot of why it is the way that it is mainly boils down to appealing to the main market like you said, and that’s its own separate issue—but I also sort of walked into natlan heavily expecting/preparing to be disappointed by the lack of diversity, especially after sumeru. I had already anticipated that the skin tone ranges would be far from impressive so while it doesn’t necessarily excuse it to me, it’s not something I counted on being happy with to begin with

But what did surprise me was the writing. I think after Fontaine, I was really really expecting the writing to be as impressive if not better, and idk it didn’t come close to me in my opinion to the bar they set with Fontaine. I don’t think any of the characters in Natlan are really close to being as well written as the ones in Fontaine, and the main quests don’t give us the same feel of vulnerability from them either, and it’s a bit shocking to me bc this particular nation deals with war so you’d think we’d get some serious heaviness but. Idk. It just didn’t feel heavy. Like canonically some of the characters have died and been resurrected but none of it was dealt with in a manner that felt serious or even that important. It wasn’t really given much attention besides maybe Kachina, but even then we only really saw one character be outwardly bothered by Kachina’s situation to the extent you’d expect it to bother someone

I suppose my major let down was that mortality wasn’t as big of a theme as I had expected with the nation of literal war. Every mention of death felt underwhelming in emotion and quickly brushed aside afterwards too, so it was a) not heavy or emotionally appealing and did not touch on grief the way I had hoped and b) was just not intriguing to me as Fontaine was with its darker themes. Chasca’s sister’s death was a VERY underwhelming death as sad as it made me, the writing for that part was arguably really bland. The deaths throughout the main quest during the abyss invasion were also rather bland and a bit boring and we didn’t get to interact with the main cast as much for it to really sink in how heavy it was. We didn’t get to see desperation or grief or even regret as much as I think you would during war. I think with Fontaine we sort of saw ALL the cast get progressively more desperate to do something about the prophecy that you could tell it was a very critical situation. Natlan doesn’t feel that critical to me. I’m not anxious over the abyss and I’m not worried about what’ll happen to the main cast. I don’t think we get as much attention to the characters individually as we did in Fontaine either. Lyney and Lynette we got to see some really big things with right from act one. Navia and neuvillette had some GREAT scenes early on, too. Wriothesley we got a really good backstory with and his story quest was also very very intriguing, though I do accept that maybe I’m a bit biased with him, but still I do think that even despite loving Ayato, I was bored with his story quest so I don’t think I’m that biased. Furina was SO well executed and the most compelling archon so far to me. It just feels like this cast falls soooo short in comparison to the old one and they just aren’t as easy to get attached to. Kinich has so much potential with his backstory and yet his “story quest” was not very mysterious nor did it add much overall weight to his character or show much personal growth, so overall it just felt like we watched him fight a beast and save his tribe for the 50th time.

I guess so far natlan just feels like wasted potential. Each of the characters have some mildly interesting things about them like kinich’s backstory is very easily one that could make him interesting. Kachina being an underdog whose very determined is super easy to be fond of. Chasca being raised by literal mystical beasts and having abyssal contamination is so very intriguing and mavuika is a human archon who managed to resurrect herself in a completely different era than when she was born but still. We just don’t see much of the interesting parts of any of them 😭 and the main quests has some super cool lore drops and the plot on pencil and paper is a pretty good one—but again, everything is so slowly built up and then underwhelming at its climax that you’re just like ok….what now 😭

MAYBE that’s just me. Maybe I just am being overly critical and hard to please but I think for a war, we have far less emotional turmoil than we did in Fontaine over a prophecy of death so idk I’m just really bored more than anything in Natlan. I was rushing to finish the quest like I was in Fontaine and normally, a very good story line could make me overlook a very disappointing selection of character designs, but we don’t even have that so it just falls short on all sides to me 😭

The only good thing about Natlan is all the new updates that give us better quality of life in the actual gaming aspect of it all but even then, hsr had half of those implementations from patch 1 so it just feels like we’re finally not an after thought 😭

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

IT'S ME AGAIN HIHIHIHI i wanted to ask whether u have read crime and punishment???? i've been thinking about it a lot and now it keeps popping up whereever i go and ofc bsd fyodor exists too and i keep thinking about him and sighhh i think i should do it..... (i literally already have the book too......)

- @catchuuu

MICKEY U HAVE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE…….….. i HAVE in fact read crime and punishment and i’m gonna let u in on a very embarrassing secret if u promise not to laugh :’3

……. i bought the book and read it…. because of fyodor bsd…………………….. look. i wanted to get into classic lit ok and. i just thought he was hot 😭😭 so i was like hmmmm let’s check out his works IT’S SO EMBARRASSING BUT I THINK I WAS REAL AS HELL TOO…………

anyway i was pretty young so it might not have been the best choice, it’s a VERY heavy book just language-wise, dostoevsky is not for the weak 😭😭 but it’s very good and interesting too!! i think i would love it even more if i reread it now… dostoevsky is basically known for being kind of a master at exploring the human mind and obv the main thing he explores in this book is guilt. and how the mc raskolnikov begins to punish himself for his crime the moment he commits it…. i like it it’s good :33 would def recommend it!! but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea and some scenes are very Raw. there’s one that’s pretty infamous where the mc dreams about one of his childhood memories right?? when he saw a horse get whipped to death… and it’s just really. ough. made me feel kinda sick. stuff like that is common for dostoevsky so watch out!!!

ooohhh and mickey !! while we’re on the topic of russian lit :333 gogol is super good too !! so far i’ve only read one of his shorter stories, diary of a madman, but that one was so cool. i like him a lot he’s definitely …. a lot more unhinged than dosto….

[corpseaten]

no problem! i will keep sending you asks then if you go through them all in hopes that mine will at least help you in one way or another! i truly want you to know you are not alone, and although this community is full of fakers, there is quite a few of us just hanging in here. i do hope it becomes easier for you to quickly find which people are role playing or not! it’s honestly so disgusting that we have to get used that some people are just like that sighhh. wishing you the best!

don’t give up on finding your darling or beloved! i am older than you and i still haven’t found mine.. i do think i am in love with somebody but i am terrified of telling them because of how easily i fall for others and they seem to be drifting from me the past month. why can’t they understand that i go into a full blown mental breakdown when they mention they have friends? why do they need someone else? it hurts so much ugh. but that’s just the kind of person i am. so full of jealousy about any and everything.

but you my little flower, i trust will find your soulmate! i just hope the next person you fall in love with- won’t use or abuse your feelings to suit their own sick games. i am chronically online so i’ll send an ask every time i see you have replied!

- 🌻

Even if it doesn’t, typing out a reply to you certain fills some of the time i have, and i do have quite a lot of it. I think I can tell which people here are real, sometimes it’s too obvious when someone isn’t overly serious, though over anything anonymous, it is more difficult to tell, I suppose. I know I am not alone in the sense of others being here, but, regardless of how many are around me I am alone until somebody has my interest. We shouldn’t have to be used to it I fear, it’s far too normalised on here, is this isn’t a safespace, where do we go? You would not catch me dead on any yan discords or back on yantwt.

It is hard not to give up when I see people younger than me on here have so much interest in them, why do they get that and I dont? they couldn’t feel as deeply as me. I’ve been feeling longer than them. It makes me so annoyed ! It is not as if I’d be hard to catch, someone could just come up to me and say they’re my soulmate and I’d pretty much believe them. Oh really? I wish you well with that person then, If they’re drifting from you, i say get more forceful. They can’t look away if you’re grabbing their face. Maybe also try to be manipulative, give the ultimatum of their friends or you.

I hope so… I don’t want to wait, not at all. Even if I do move quite fast, I don’t think that means whoever i find myself liking is any less dear to me than someone who waited for months. It would be nice if I was with someone as crazy as me. I’m not sure it could be with anyone tame or with shallow feelings.. hhhhhh. alrighty! I’ll reply to you whenever I feel like typing

[lofty-immeasurable-sky]

I remember reading somewhere that we communicate nonverbally far more than we do verbally. (I think verbal is like 7% of our communication? Wow!) So, naturally, I projected my fascination with that onto my current fixation on Zukka. Zuko and Sokka canonically struggle a bit with social interaction, but in opposite ways. Their relationship, I imagine, would consist of them frequently helping each other navigate social gatherings. Personally, I struggle more on the Sokka side of things-- becoming too passionate and loud about certain subjects. I tried to make their reactions healthy, because I’ve learned to recognize the difference between being told to shut up and being told to step back, take a breath, and regain perspective. Similarly, I know the importance of smiling at others, and what kind of a difference in your confidence it can make when someone smiles back. 

 Anywho! I created some rough comics surrounding this idea that were going to be a Thing but then I spent waaaaay too long on the panels above. 

The sketches and the ID are below the cut! (Honestly, I like how these sketches turned out better than the main comic I made. Sighhh.)

I originally pictured Zukka’s nonverbal communication to be very sweet, but then I started thinking about how they would definitely also have wacky interactions that would help them escape the occasional and nearly inescapable boredom of their jobs. I  also don’t know how Sokka communicated “mochi” with only a look. I just know that it happened. (I had so much fun with Zuko’s expressions! My favorite is the heckin’ sweet one)

[ID: A digital comic. Zuko and Sokka, who are both visibly older, sit at a table along with two earth kingdom dignitaries. They are in the fire nation palace, in a vast room with two pillars, raised steps, and doors leading to outside behind them. Everything is highly decorated and in golds and crimsons. The table has several scrolls and cups on it. Zuko’s place is very neat, whereas Sokka’s papers are scattered and crumpled. Zuko frowns and looks at an earth kingdom dignitary with glasses. The dignitary is visibly nervous. He says, “So, anyway, Firelord Zuko, um... I think-- er... um... uh...” Sokka looks benignly at Zuko.

The next page shows Sokka’s hand on Zuko’s arm. Blue letters read, “Hey.” Then, a close up of Zuko’s scarred eye, looking at Sokka. Sokka then smiles. Blue words say, “smile!” next to Sokka’s head. Zuko looks down, smiling slightly. Yellow words say, “Oh. Right.” Zuko smiles at the dignitary, who smiles back gratefully and thinks, “Oh, he’s smiling. Thank the Spirits.” Zuko rests his hand on Sokka’s. Yellow words say, “thank you,” and blue ones say, “of course.”

Another page shows Sokka yelling across the table at a fire nation dignitary. Zuko looks at Sokka. Then, he rests his hand on Sokka’s arm. Yellow words say, “Sokka. Take a breath.” An ellipses comes from Sokka. He brings his hand toward Zuko’s, and blue words say, “I know.” Sokka breathes in, then out. He then says, “Anyway, this is an issue I feel very strongly about, and it’s necessary we take the proper precautions...” Sokka bites his cheek and looks at Zuko. Blue words say, “I wasn’t done, y’know.” Zuko smiles, and yellow words say, “I know. You can tell me later.”

On the fourth page, a fire nation noble sits. He is looking very nasty and mean. There is a close up of his eyes, which look in Zuko’s direction. Zuko, in a side profile, startles slightly in recognition. Sokka looks on. Under the table, Sokka holds Zuko’s hand, which is shaking. Yellow words and blue words surround the hand. The yellow ones say, “SOKKA. That man- he was there. At the war meeting. On that day. I can’t do this... Sokka... why is he here... I can’t I can’t I can’t.” The blue words say, “Yes, you can... I’m here... Just 30 more minutes... You’re safe.”

The first sketch page shows a rough drawing on a pillared- room. There is a blue and red blob that represent Sokka and Zuko, respectively. They recognize each other. Zuko looks pointedly at Sokka. Red words say, “Hey. Let’s ditch this party and go feed turtleducks.” Sokka smiles conspiratorially, shows a bag of something tucked into his belt, and points a thumb backward. Blue letters say, “one step ahead of you. I already got the bread crumbs. Let’s bounce, babe.” Zuko has stars in his eyes. Big words say, “HECKIN’ SWEET.” There are stars behind him, too. 

The second sketch shows Zuko and Sokka both dying of boredom in their chairs. Sokka gets an idea. He looks at Zuko excitedly, and blue letters say, “Zuko Zuko Zuko, let’s have mochi later. Zuko wrinkles his nose and red letters say, “I don’t like mochi. You know this.” Sokka frowns and looks at Zuko. Blue letters say, “Don’t make me do it.” Zuko frowns back and red letters say, “DON’T YOU DARE.” Sokka makes a puppydog face. Blue letters say, *dares*.” Zuko silently screams and red letters say, “NO, MY WEAKNESS.” Zuko lifts a hand to shield himself from Sokka’s cute attack. Red letters say, “No No Not again.” Zuko looks forward, then at Sokka, then completely away, then he looks fully at Sokka. Red letters say, “OK.” Then, an “AHEM,” sounds from somewhere off the panel. Sokka and Zuko, who are holding hands and facing one another, are startled. They both grimace and look at each other. Purple letters say, “oops.” End ID]

[pranpat]

2020 CREATOR WRAP + FAVOURITE WORKS + FOLLOW FOREVER

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works. I was tagged by @yibobibo aamna thank u so muc and I’m so sorry this is so latenfkskkfd

@yibobibo aamnaaaaa!! You’re always so so wonderful and nice esp when you send me cute little messages I completely adore you and how you’re always tagging me in stuff! Thank you so much and I’m sorry I’m so lazygnskd but I appreciate it all so so much! You’re so talented as well i love everything you post and all your wonderful cql/yibo content makes me so happy esp when ur going off in the tags! I love this (it’s just so jc and wwx and it makes me so so sad) and this (ur tags said it well it’s very sexy) and lastly, this one (it’s just?? So powerful and I love that scene so so much) I’m sending u lots of love for the new year and I hope u have a wonderful year ahead 🥰😚

@gremlinmetawin ayeshaaaaaaaa!! Despite what you may thinkhjdkdkd I do actually love u very much 🙄 even when ur being mean to me. I love everything you put on my dash and when ur watching stuff, despite how long you take, I always love that you flood my dash with gifs bc it makes me feel like I’m watching right along with u. Also I know I make fun of u for tkaing so long to watch stuff but I love hearing your thots on everything and you always manage to pick up on the little details that I always end up missing. I also love how extra you can be gjskkfkdd your font for ayeshas thot still makes me laughfjkskd Anyways I’m so so glad to have gotten to know you this year and I appreciate you so so much and I just love screaming about all the shows we’re watching together 🥺 I Ioce u and appreciate u and I hope that next year is rlly good to u 😚😚🥰

@teh-ohaew taayyy!! Like I said with Ayesha despite what guys think i do actually love u too even tho you favour Ayesha over me sighhh but seriously I’m so glad we’ve gotten close over the few months (2gs impact huh) and that we get to scream over the same shit to each other. I also love how u don’t post shit for days and then u comeback and rb everythinggnsmmd and ur thirsty tags 🙄 always interesting to read. Oh and I’ve told u this multiple times but this this and this all of the edits are so good and all the detail you’ve put into them?? I love it so so much I also rlly love this all of the quotes you chose and the scenes?? To quote you, Britney gif yeah 😩 okay that’s it I love u and appreciate u and I hope next year is really really good to u 😚😚🥰

@yioh yuraaaaaa!!! I always feel so warm and happy whenever I see your stuff on my dash. I love hearing your thoughts on every show you’re watching or reading and I always find myself adding stuff to my recs. Also I love how you’re always so energetic and kind to everyone and you just excude love and warmth. You’re so talented I just love all of your artwork so so much esp this (the concept is just so good? What we could’ve had 😔) and this (bc obvs they’re both happy and living together) and lastly this (ngl I’ve gone back and read this so many times bc it just?? Hurts so much??) hope u have a great year ahead and u get to be surrounded by cats and everything u love!! 🥰😚😚

@metawwin aliiiiiiii!!! I’m so happy that we’ve gotten the chance to get to know one another this year and I absolutely adore you. You’re always so so kind and give off such positive energy and I just feel so happy whenever I see your stuff on my dash. And I’ve said this before but I love your gifs and it shows how much work you put into them and I love everything about your blog. I esp love this (ngl I lost my shit bc hands??? It’s such a pretty set and I always come back to it) and this (god I love this quote so much and I just love the scenes you’ve chosen and just everything is just so them) and lastly this (i love how u pick up on the smallest details and parallels and this set.. I just appreciate it so so much) I lov u and miss u I hope u have a great year ahead , sending u lots of love 🥰😚😚

@taytawan nuriaaa!! you’re so kind and you and your blog just give off such warmth idk how to explain it. I love all of your content, you make some of the prettiest gifs ive ever seen they’re always so warm and so clear and pretty. I esp love this one (idk how to explain it but it’s just?? So pretty and it’s one of my fav gifs of Tine out there ugh he just looks so good and the colouring just makes it so so much better) and all of your heart-eyes sets (ahhvhdjjdd they’re all just so nice and they just sum up their relationship so well??? These sets always make me so so happy) and lastly this (ngl I sat there for 5 minutes just being in awe bc?? I’ve never thought about this and I about lost it because???? Yeah it was never about the phone 😩 and that just adds so much to the show) I hope you have the best year ahead, sending u lots of love! 🥰😚😚

@morksuns sumaayaaa!! You’re so wonderful and kind and i just love how much you love the handmaiden?? And you have such great taste in shows and movies and I just love when you rb it on my dash. I absolutely love this mb it’s just so pretty and so soft?? And they’re girlfriends and everything about it is just so so warm and nice and the quotes.. yeah 😩) I also really love this mb (all of the pictures you’ve chosen are just so wonderful and they just fit?? That yellow sweater? The headphones? Scrubb? “Hi I’m bi” jfkskfk I just find so much comfort in it) and lastly this mb (it just screams home to me and it’s just so soft and wonderful? & the soulmate definition? Yeah ..yeah ) I hope u have a wonderful year ahead, sending u lots of love🥰😚

@fushiguroo lasyaaa!! You’re so so kind and lovely to talk to. You just give off so much warmth and you always seem so positive. I also really love all the sky/landscape pictures you post they’re always so pretty and ur just so talented. You also make such pretty gifs I just love all of your itsay gifs esp this (all the yellows and it just looks so warm and pretty?? And you giffed some of my favourite scenes from the episode 🥺) and this (once again you’ve chosen some of the prettiest scenes the first one in the water?? God it’s so pretty and the last gif from that set of the sunset???! It’s just so nice??? I love it so so much) I hope you have a great year ahead, sending u lots of love!! 🥰😚

@gigiesarocha cataaa!! I want to say thank u for putting Jeff satur on my dash because?? He’s so beautiful?! and I’m always tempted everyday by your ingredients gifs but I don’t have the patience so I’m waiting till it ends but your gifs of the show are always so pretty I can’t wait until I can sit down and watch it all and go through ur tag fjskkfd And I love all the kdramas you put on my dash bc I always end up adding more stuff to my watch list bc of it. I love this set so so much you have no idea it’s just so pretty and I love flowers so much and the flowers you’ve chosen to describe them both is just so spot on. I also really love this thank u for making this and blessing us all!! I hope you have a wonderful year ahead sending lots of love 🥰😚😚

@brightwin jelllyyyy!! You’re one the warmest kindest people I’ve talked to. You’re alway so kind to everyone and always spreading positivity and it’s just so nice to see you on my dash. Your gifs are always so so pretty esp the colouring you always manage to make them look so warm and clear and it just makes them so nice to look at. I love all of your content but I esp love this the scenes you’ve chosen are so wonderful and the quote is just.. so them it’s just so pretty. I also love this it just makes me miss them so much seeing how far they’ve come in their journey?? And ugh your colouring is always so beautiful. Also this is so pretty so basically all of ur lyric/quote sets because they’re so wonderful and you always make them look so beautiful. I hope you have a wonderful year ahead, sending you lots of love! 🥰🥰😚

@tichawongtipkanon diraaa!! You’re always so so kind and everytime I see you on my dash it always makes me so happy just reading your tags. Even tho I don’t think I’ve ever seen ticha in anything (I think?? I don’t rmr gkskkfkd) I always love seeing your gifs because she’s absolutely gorgeous?? I also really like this gjskkfkskkfd it always makes me laugh bc yeah he rlly is a mess and the fact that these gifs can capture him just being an idiot is so funny and I also really like this the quote and the scenes you’ve chosen??? Yeahhhfnskkd sarawatine soulmates!! I hope u have a wonderful year ahead sending u lots of love!! 🥰😚😚

@b-iconpearl roseee! youre so so kind and I appreciate you messaging me just to wish me a good day!! I also love all the pnd content you put on my dash even tho I haven’t had the chance to catch up but all of ur gifs of esp Pearl?? And Alex? Yeahhhh I esp love this bc Pearl is just??? So beautiful I just love this set of her sm she looks so good and also this I gasped out loud when I first saw this??? Alex looks so good and the gif is just so pretty and warm. Also I really love this the movie is just so dear to my heart and I love it so much and your set is just so so so beautiful and the lyrics yeahhhh so good! I hope you have a wonderful year ahead! Sending you lots of love 🥰😚

@pangwave dawnnn!! I love seeing you on my dash you’re always so kind and I love hearing your thoughts on the shows ur watching. Also ur gifs are always so pretty esp the recent morksun au you did, it was so interesting and I just loved it so much. I also really like this it’s so pretty and I love all the scenes you’ve chosen and the quote... yeah and the colouring is so warm and lovely. I also really like this god it’s one of my fav scenes from the show and I just love it so much. I also really like this it was such a small moment but handholding is just so...good and the set just looks so soft I love it I hope you have a wonderful year ahead! 🥰😚

@khaotungthanawat sammm!! Idk if I’ve mentioned this before but you make some of the best sets ever especially when it comes to finding parallels between shows. And you’re so creative and it’s so clear that you put so much work into ur gifs and they always look so so good! I especially love this it’s just so creative and looks so beautiful and how each weather just perfectly describes them? Just amazing and this one bc I had no idea there were so many reflections and I saw ur set and just had to take a moment and this one the colouring is just so pretty and it’s one of my favourite scenes ever and I just love it so much. I hope you have a wonderful year ahead of you!! 🥰

@teepakornaekaranwong orthyy!! I love how ur still keeping the 2g tag alive and that you’re always rb them on my dash. I esp love this you really combines the show scenes with the song and just made it so much more impactful?? And i just love all the scenes you’ve chosen it’s so beautiful. I also really like this and all the other ones in the set because they’re so funnygkkskfd and also this + all the other ones they always make me laugh bc you really did choose such perfect text post for each scene/character! I hope you have a wonderful year ahead!! 🥰

@asianmelodrama faizaaa!! I think this goes without saying that your content is always so beautiful and wonderful. And you have such a way with words as well, I just love reading your answers, posts and tags and it just feels so warm and safe . This has to be one of my favourite posts ever because there was so much potential?? So many hints?? And we could’ve had it all and I just love this set so much. I also really like this because their friendships were really so beautiful and I just wish we’d gotten to see more of it but what we did see, it was just beautiful. I also really like this (it’s so beautiful and I love winteam so much)and this bc jackzhaozi were so good. I love the character studies you did on tine and sarawat they were so raw and beautiful, like I said you just have such a way with words it was just so beautiful. I hope you have a wonderful year ahead of you!! 🥰

@toptaps zeeyyy!! You make some of the prettiest content ever and you’re just such a nice presence on my dash and you just seem so kind and warm. This has to be my favourite thing out there because when I heard that like, all of their scenes were just playing in my head and this set just captures everything we could’ve had :(( I also really like this the way you’ve morphed the gifs, the text and colouring of it, it’s all just so pretty. I also really really love this once again it’s so beautiful?? The way you’ve morphed them together and the quote you’ve used and the font and earnpear really is superior. Especially that first gif it looks like earns so taken aback by pear :((( and it’s so nice. I hope you have a wonderful year ahead!! 🥰

@soulmatelines jo!! You’re so kind and it’s always been so nice to see you on my dash even though I know you must be busy rn I hope you’re still taking care of yourself. You also make such amazing content, I especially love this everything about this set is so good we go from tender to raw feelings and it’s just so so beautiful. I also really like this bc I love love all of kurosawas thoughts and all the little insecurities he has about himself god it just makes him that much more real. I also really like this it’s just so pretty and I just love the whole concept of it it’s so well done. I hope you have a great year ahead of you!! 🥰

@gunsatthaphan Doreeennn!! you’re so so nice and lovely and I lose reading your thoughts on things. Also thank u for always tagging me in stuff and im so sorry im always late to it. But you’re always a delight on my dash and I just love all of your content. I especially love this parallel just bc of how significant this line was in the whole show and I just love the coloring on it and everything about it. I also really love this bc OhmFong are so cute and I missed Fong’s little jumps when I was watching it but them I saw your gifset and cried over how cute he is. Lastly, this one... i love this one so so much bc it was just so powerful and beautifully said and it was just so so good and its one of my fav scenes. Oh and bonus this one because I love wyel so much and tht quote.... just adds everything to that scene and ugh everything about that set is just so wonderful. I hope you have a wonderful year ahead, sending lots of love!🥰😚

@wjmild kyliieeee!! anytime I think of you I always think of tsoa or lee thanatnfkkfd which thank u for always putting him on my dash bc I love looking at him. It’s always so nice seeing you on my dash and reading your tags and thoughts on things and you’re such a great content creator. I love this so much thank u for compiling all of their little moments together, they’re just so cute. I also really love this wyel is so superior and I just love them both so much and this scene was just so cute. I also really love this even tho I haven’t seen all the shows, i love handholding and you just hit the spot with this and this set is just everything it’s so beautiful. I hope you have a great year ahead of u, sending lots of love! 🥰

@cherryysundae monicaaa!! I absolutely love all of your content and you’re so kind and such a wonderful presence on my dash. you also make such pretty gifs. I especially love this everything about this scene was just so so beautiful and you made it even more beautiful with your wonderful colouring I just love how the shades of flower reflect on wwx and lwj (idk if that makes sense but gjskkfkd). I also really love this ngl made me really really sad especially with all the wwx and yanli scenes :(( but this trio was literally everything and you just compiled all of their beautiful scenes together and heartbreaking scenes. I also really love this that gif of jc smiling?? So precious and just all the purples and the zidian? I just love it so much. I hope you have a wonderful year ahead!! 🥰

@leoyunxi ashiraa!! your content is always so so beautiful and I especially love your colouring it’s so beautiful and just gives makes the gifs seem so warm. I especially really love this wwx looks so pretty here and the colouring just makes it so so much better. I also really like this, this scene was just everything?? And the way they just glance at each other and I just love how warm the gifs look. I also really like this one of my favourite posts of them, you managed to gif all the wonderful scenes of them that I absolutely adore and they just look so good?? I can always tell that it’s your gifs because you have such a distinct colouring style and it’s always so so wonderful to see on my dash. I hope you have a wonderful year ahead!! 🥰

@bright-vachirawit mariii! I hope you’re feeling better now and that you’re staying safe! You’re always such a wonderful presence on my dash esp bc I find we’re more or less usually watching the same shows and I just love all the content you create for it. I especially love this it’s one of my favourite scenes and it came out so clear and just I love how vibrant the red is and it’s just so pretty. I also really like this I also really love this scene and just the colouring is so so pretty and I just love that you added the caption because it just ties it all together and it’s just so wonderful. I also really like this it’s really pretty and I love the fond you used. I hope you have a wonderful year ahead! 🥰

@sarawatine nicoleee!! it’s always a delight seeing you on my dash and I just love all of your content. I especially love this that you paired up each of the lyrics with the scenes from the mv and it’s just so so wonderful and it looks so pretty. I also really like this Idk how many times I’ve screamed over this but this post just confirms that sarawatine soulmates honestly and yeah that last line I could cry. I also really like this I’m a sucker for parallels and this one was just so cute and I just love how soft this set looks. I hope you have a wonderful year ahead! 🥰

@brightwinfilm nath!!! I love all of your content, all your wonderful 2g/bw content and it just makes me so happy. I really love this that you’ve giffed all of their scenes at their home and they’re just being so domestic and cute together it’s so wonderful. I also really like this one gjskkfkd it makes me laugh because they’re so dramatic and your caption just makes it so much better but yeah this was really nice. I also really like this the tension in this gifset but they’re also colored so nicely and I just love everything about it. I hope you have a wonderful year ahead!!🥰

@kimmonv violet!! I absolutely love all of your gifs and all the content you put on my dash. I especially love this honestly a whole ass mood and it made me really excited for the special!’ I also really like this i love the handholding and this scene was just... so beautiful and the dialogue and oh’s surprised face? This scene was everything and I just love this so much.and lastly this this scene was so funny gjskkfkd and I love how you adding the bonus scenes it makes it so much better!! I also love all of you gen y gifs!! They’re always so pretty and always look so clear and colourful. I hope you have a great year ahead!!🥰

@vihokratanas meeel!! You’re always such a delight on my dash and I love seeing your content. I especially love this it just looks so pretty and and I love this scene as well! This definitely is one of the best locations just look at the beach. I also really love this the scenes you’ve chosen just go with the song so well and it just ties it all together. It’s all just so wonderful and I love it so much. I also really love this this scene was just so good and the way you’ve coloured it just makes it so much warmer and prettier and the gifs are so so clear!! Absolute favourite! I hope you have a great year ahead!! 🥰

@atpgun doraaa!! I love your content and I absolutely love all of your itsay gifs. I especially love this one, the colouring is so so pretty and this scene is just so good and so underappreciated. It’s just so clear and I love how warm the gif looks and their relationship is just so good. I also really like this one bc I’m a sucker for parallels and these two?? And I love that you decided to include vlads little thumbs up so cute 🥺 I also really like this one it just makes me laugh bc pp looks so evil jfkskfkskd and I think ur one of the few people that giffed the documentary so thank you! I hope you have a great year ahead!! 🥰

@jbums kaaaay!! I hope ur doing well I haven’t seen you around in a while but I still absolutely love all ur content. I loved loved ur wyel gifs they were always so warm and you made them look so beautiful with your colouring. I also really like this like I said your colouring is always so so pretty and this was just so funny and their matching shirts so cute. And I also really like this one sangha looks so cute it reminds me of that gif you made of tae joo where he slams the spoon downfjskjdd but I hope ur doing well and I hope you have a wonderful year! 🥰

  @musicdramalove hiii we recently became mutuals but I’m so glad we did. I love all your saifahzon content and your gifs are always so wonderful. I really like this one I haven’t watched it yet but this set really knocked this up in my list and I cant wait to watch it bc it loooks so lovely. I also really like this one, two of my favourite shows paralleled ugjjdks I love it so much and yes hugs.. the hugs I love it so much. I also really like this one the two of them just talking about the others smile and just admiring the other?? These scenes were just so good. I hope you have a great year ahead! 🥰

@planthusbands (cass -I absolutely love ur writing and thank u so much for writing me the wonderful fic I absolutely adore it and it had everything I liked in terms of tropes. I hope you have a wonderful year! 🥰)

@itoldsunset (dawy -thank u so so much for ur wonderful translations for itsay interviews god all of them just add so much depth into the show and I just love them all so much. I hope you have a wonderful year!! 🥰

@wirapong aishi!!! I absolutely love love this set of yours, pear looks so beautiful in it and your colouring just makes her look so so lovely. This set just makes me so happy bc look at her jumping with joy ah I love it. I also really like this one god this quote... was so impactful and I just love how you used all the scenes of them dancing with each other it’s just so so good. I also really like this one you cna really see the wonder and awe in Karl’s face and I love this scene so much and them. I hope you have a wonderful year ahead 🥰

@kurosawadachi angeeel!! i absolutely love this little set of film please she is so cute and her little smile ahhh!! i love it so much and the coloring in that set?? beautiful. I also really like this it just sums up itsay and oh man.. i just love all the scenes you’ve chosen and the gifs are just so so pretty and wonderful. I also really love this one im a sucker for food scenes and this really was one of the most wholesome scene in the series oh it was so wonderful. I hope you have a great year ahead!! 🥰

Other mutuals that I admire: @earthkatsamonnat (Bea) @janeramida  @gooseras (kay) @gunsmiles (Amanda)@thaitheseries (Lisa) @87s-main @87s (min!! I’m tagging both just in case) - I hope all of you have a wonderful year!! 🥰🎉

This is alrdy too long so I’m just going to skip on tagging my own work 

[newmoonxy]

Bestie let me tell you about something annoying that happened this weekend,,,

So I couldn't do my laundry or take a shower over the weekend because our government is doing repairs on some sort of main water pipe— and when I tell you I screamed bc!!! I have somewhere to be tomorrow??? And it's been days??? Like hello??

At least we do have a few big bottles of water so I have been boiling a little bit of the water to take a mock bath with but I couldn't wash my hair and now it's all oily * sighhh,, I hate it here *

I also at least have some clothes that aren't in the wash but it's honestly not my favourite fits,,, i am very annoyed that I will not be the hottest person in the vaccination site— like if I can't have that, what else is there left for me in this world /j

and also,, you know this already but I did make a gif * crowd gasps *,, it's true, I did.

I think maybe like,,, 3 mutuals are really going to like this set (I mean hopefully,,, it's not been easy to make it look good so far and 1 of the 3 moots might not like it at all lol)??? I know everyone else will probably be supportive but this edit set really is coming out of nowhere lmao

how was your week/ weekend bestie?

also would you rather have Lee attend moon festival (I'm still thinking about the mooncakes) with you or be forced to a thanksgiving dinner with lyra, marissa and asriel? (potentially, you are invited for lyra's sake so that her parents won't step out of line)

hey serpzie i think you accidentally turned on anon lol

anyway

that's horrible!! i can't stand it when i don't shower for more than like two days because my skin is sticky and my hair gets oily real quick. it's good that you could sort of clean yourself but the hair sucks lol do you have access to the sink? or dry shampoo? or just dump a bottle of water on your head?

let me tell you something,,,, there is no one, absolutely no one, who is as hot as you (excepting maybe lee or david but they're special). even if you're not in your favorite outfit you will still be the hottest person at the vaccination site. even if you were wearing a big trash bag, you would still be the hottest person at the vaccination site. just ask lee or david for confirmation 😆

whoa,,,, you made a gif? awesome!! i'm sure the set will be awesome! seriously, sometimes you complain about a set and when you post it i'm just like o,o this is very good i don't see a problem

my week went by very fast! the high school life is the busy life lol i've never stayed up past one so many times in all of my pre-high school life combined. as a friend put it, i used to get eight hours of sleep a day. now i get eight hours of sleep every two days. it wasn't all bad though, i almost failed a chinese test because i didn't finish writing but then i got extra credit so i score a 102% instead lol

mooncakes are awesome, why would you ever not think about mooncakes? i would definitely rather get lee to attend moon festival because i don't want to be stuck between lyra's dysfunctional family (sorry lyra). but also moon festival and thanksgiving are like a month apart why can't i do both? lol

thanks for telling me about your week! :)

[reysjedi]

My thoughts but mostly my feelings.

This is the 3rd time posting these. Idk how but they keep getting deleted. 3rd times the charm?

*****TROUBLED BLOOD SPOILERS AHEAD******

Okay so I am going to start with the non ship stuff first because once that begins I will become slightly incoherent lol

• I love Barclay. He is so freaking funny. His friendship with Robin is everything. “You need to learn to read the room, mate.” I think he will be coming for Ilsa’s number one spot on the “Cormoran & Robin Shipper” list soon. 

• Speaking of Ilsa “It’s Robin’s birthday, you total dickhead.” I love it so much. Hoping for a miracle baby for her and Nick next book.

• I enjoyed the case. The characters seemed so developed and realistic. I really didn’t see the murderer coming. I also loved how it brought up why we trust certain people without a second thought. 

• I had very few disappointments in this book (besides not having a kiss which I wasn’t truly expecting) but my 2 were 1. That Strike didn’t go to his Dad’s party. Idk I really wanted that for his character even if he ever does reconcile with him it won’t be at a public event, I just really wanted to him to go and of course bring Robin. 2. That Robin wasn’t at Joan’s funeral. The flowers were lovely though. 

• Speaking of Joan <3 <3 <3 “I wish I had met your Robin.” I cried. I think it was really important for Strike to know Joan was proud of him and that he can think of that and her when he looks at the ocean. 

• Delving in to Strike’s psyche more was amazing. Learning more about his childhood. His mixed emotions about Leda. Yes. Yes. Yes. 

• I also loved Robin’s journey in this book. I’m also about to turn 29 and in a transition point in my life and how people kept saying “she was traveling in a different direction than the rest of us” really resonated with me. 

• I’m super excited about Michelle joining the agency. Robin needs another female coworker. Speaking of, I love what Pat brings to the team, especially her dynamic with Strike.

• I CHEERED when Strike manipulated Creed like that will be awesome on screen.

OKAY NOW TO THE SHIP STUFF * cracks knuckles *

• I don’t think I have every loved a literary couple this much. The way JK manages to grow and develop their relationship each book sighhh 

• THE AMOUNT OF TIMES I shouted “COMMUNICATE YOU IDIOTS” WHILE READING THIS BOOK lol but they do and when they do sighhhhh okay sorry can’t skip to the end

• I find it really funny that in a group chat on here I said I wanted holiday fluff L O L

• I was so upset for Robin on her 29th. I can’t believe he forgot but BOYYYY DID HE MAKE UP FOR IT

• Okay so let’s start the holiday fuck ups: Christmas

What a classic man. Waiting the last minute to buy presents and agonizing over it. Then he’s going to buy her perfume which just so happens is exactly what she wanted on her birthday (and yes he gets a major hint from Ilsa but still). 

AND THEN HE PANICS because picking perfume for someone is pretty intimate and he was basically delirious because of fever AND HE GETS HER CHOCOLATES sighhhh I felt so bad for how stupid he was unknowingly being. 

Her gift for him is so thoughtful and the only thing that cheers up his miserable Christmas <3

• Next, bloody Valentine’s Day: What a disaster. Robin finally lets out her frustrations on him and I think he was genuinely shocked. She had NEVER said anything like that to him. Strike has said several times how he appreciates “Robin being the only woman in his life who wasn’t trying to change him.” He thought she had no complaints because she kept quiet. It wounds him.

“And don’t buy me any more fucking flowers!” I was so worried he would take this as wanting no romantic gestures but he didn’t <3 and they even joke about it later <3

Then he thinks women never want him to apologize first (really Cormoran???) and isn’t going to call first BUT HE DOES he calls and it’s kind of a lame apology but HE CALLS FIRST. 

• The banter the entire book was amazing because GUYS THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS.

• TIME FOR CHAPTER 58: “Romantic Whiskey in the Dark” aka THE BEST CHAPTER TILL 73 The intimacy, honesty, and vulnerability of this scene * clutches chest *

“I’d like to go to the Ritz please”… lol little did we know

He finally tells her about his Dad and half siblings pestering him. He even tells her about his childhood (y’all I couldn’t believe it). Picturing young Cormoran with too short pants, anxious to meet his Dad, and then the crushing realization that he didn’t want to see him. Then him calling Strike an accident in front of him. My heart broke.  

Robin FINALLY asks him about Charlotte and he tells her about her overdose and how much anxiety that was giving him.

I feel like typing Strike’s entire inner monologue starting with “How could he say, look, I’ve tried not to fancy you since you first took off your coat in this office…” but just do yourself a favor and read Chapter 58 again (I’ll be reading it & 73 at least 5 times each today lol).

Then he brings up Ilsa trying to set them up. * flails *

They talk about Matthew and Sarah because they are sharing. And guys, sharing is truly caringggg.

Then they have the conversation about wanting to have kids. (I have a few idk meta? thoughts about all the foreshadowing in this book about them having a kid together).

I absolutely love how Robin calls him out on his “self-indulgence.” I’m not saying Strike will ever change his mind about kids but I loved that she challenged his reasoning. They are so perfect together I swear.

Then he calls her his best friend. And Robin dies. And I DIED. It was so perfect and genuine. Her response was so cute because she was so taken aback. 

EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT

Then they both start thinking about the bed that is MEARLY UPSTAIRS AND I THINK I PASSED OUT FOR A BIT.

Seriously guys CHAPTER 58 IS EVERYTHINGGGGG

• I loved how they had an honest conversation about Strike’s protectiveness of her while on the job. 

• Strike chastising himself for considering/wanting to buy her a stuffed donkey <3

• “Ya but you’re exceptional.” He so casually makes Robin’s heart soar. It is perfect. 

• OKAY I THINK I’M READY TO DISCUSS ROBIN’S 30TH I NEVER and I mean NEVER COULD HAVE IMAGINED THIS FOR THEM

Back to Strike appreciating Robin “never wanting to change him” but then she tells him she hates when he’s late (andddd he’s on time NO DARE I SAY EARLY for their meetings for the rest of the book). She often feels underappreciated and wishes he would just make more of an effort. AND BOYYYY DOES HE EVER.

HE CHANGES GUYS… TO MAKE HER HAPPY “People can change. Or so a psychiatrist in Broadmoor told me.”

She thought he forgot again * cries *

He arranges for her to wake up to his donkey balloon and signs it “(Not flowers) Love Strike x” GUYSSSSS

Robin’s little tarot card read (WE NEED TO META THE CRAP OUT OF THIS) T

hen they meet up and HE LETS HER PICK OUT HER PEFUME (what she has been searching for the entire book, the perfume that suits her new life and he buys it for her in the best possible way THE SYMBOLISM COROMORAN IS ONE WITH THE PERFUME THE PERFUME IS ONE WITH HIM * flails *) and HE ADMITS HE FUCKED UP GETTING IT FOR HER ON CHRISTMAS

SHE ASKS HIM TO HELP HER CHOOSE BEWTEEN THE LAST TWO AND HE CHOOSES THE ONE THAT REMINDS HIM OF SEX. I mean I never thought the description of “musky skin and bruised flowers” could be so sexy. 

I DIEDDDDDDDD

THEN HE TAKES HER TO THE RITZ FOR CHAMPAGNE <3 <3 <3

ROBIN WAS SO SHOCKED BUT NOT AS SHOCKED AS ME

“Strike, said Robin, This is thoughtful.” Oh you mean just like you asked him to be? This is him trying. HE’S WOOING YOU ROBIN. 

GUYS WHAT IF THE NEXT BOOK STARTS RIGHT AFTER THEIR DATE (yes it is totally a date) AND THEY HAVE SEX BECAUSE THAT WAS STRIKE FINALLY TRYING (and he changed his phone numberrrrr) 

THAT WAS PEAK ROMANCE (I need fics).

I am seriously so happy with how far they have come together and super excited about their future <3

wow

If anybody read all of that message me so we can discuss (flail) together.

When do we get to read book 6??????

[my-whumpy-little-heart]

Llyr and the Pirates - Day 20

Day 20: Needing to swim/can’t swim

For @amonthofwhump‘s Water Whump May, where I write a part of this story every day according to the prompt. Hm, so I thought this would have conversation between Llyr. Then he was tired and wanted a nap. Ugh. Guess that can wait whatever dude just go be delirious because of pain and exhausion. Deep exasperated sighhh.

Tag list: @spiffythespook, @castielamigos-whump-side-blog, @insanitywishes, @whumpingonarainyday, @burtlederp

Content warnings: for the first time in a while, nothing noteworthy to mention here!

His leg was on fire and the rest of him was slowly freezing and there was nobody there to save him. He screamed and screamed into the forest until his voice went hoarse. 

Ray and Hugh had been walking through the forest for a few minutes before they heard the screams.

“Are you sure he would have gone towards town? I’m just saying, that kid seems to really like the ocean,” Hugh sighed, trudging through mud, shiny new boots from Gawain’s crew already getting coated in grime.

“Listen, just because we found him drowning twice doesn’t mean he’d go there when running away from seafaring people. He’s smart. He’ll head inland towards a village,” Ray said. His feet were bare, but he was used to navigating difficult terrain without shoes, unlike Llyr when he’d passed through earlier. He had relatively less trouble than Hugh, too, who slipped and nearly fell at his words.

“Smart? He literally dove into the ocean, from our ship, during a storm. How fucking smart does that sound to you?”

“I would’ve done the same thing, had I been facing cruel torture,” he suggested lightly. If Hugh didn’t know Ray, he may have been inclined to think he was kidding. 

Their walk fell silent then for a few minutes, no sounds to be heard except for those of pouring rain and squelching mud.

“Do you really think he’s gonna-”

“Hugh, please, we went over this already. I don’t want to think about it any more than you do.” 

“Hm, that’s a low bar to set, Raymond,” he laughed, “because I’ve been thinking about just how angry he’s gonna be since we started walking.”

Ray couldn’t deny he’d been thinking about the same thing, but certainly more out of apprehension than excitement. Mere hours after he’d sacrificed himself for Llyr’s safety, here he was preparing to lure him back home with what must have been his most prized possession.

Ray readjusted the seal skin cloak around his shoulders, almost regretting having chosen to wear it. He just wanted to be able to protect some part of Llyr from Hugh, but it felt so wrong on his own body. It should have been around Llyr’s shoulders where it fit like it was made for him, and where it would keep that panic of losing it at bay. 

They trudged on as the rain picked up, soaking them once again. It was then that they heard something in the distance.

It was a shrill noise that he couldn’t quite place, yet upset him somewhere deep down.

Ray heard it again, and it was louder that time. Emotional and desperate, a scream for help from far, far away.

“Did you-?” Hugh started, but he cut him off and grabbed his wrist as he changed directions towards the noise.

“This way,” he said. “Either make a trail or figure this out with the compass so we don’t get lost. Come on.” Ray sped his pace to a jog, feeling Hugh strain to keep up behind him as he fiddled with a compass, reading angles and making sure they knew how to get back once they’d found Llyr. 

The run was much longer than he anticipated, the scream a constant in the distance as they splashed through puddles and underbrush, but only growing weaker as they drew closer to its source. By the time they drew within visible range, the screams had diminished to choked shouts and whimpers, calling out, “...help! I can’t die here I can’t, don’t leave me to die I’m gonna die I’m gonna die...”

They heard the words trail off just as they spotted him, a figure half buried in the mud, laying flat on his back.

“Llyr, Llyr! What happened?” Ray knelt down in the mud--his legs were already soaked anyway; there was no reason to be cautious now--and the boy blinked faintly up at him.

“Animal trap, it looks like,” Hugh tried and failed to hide a smile. “Serves him right.”

“Stop that,” Ray hissed, turning back to Llyr. “Talk to me, buddy. You’re gonna be okay, we’ll get you out of that and we’ll-” he swallowed reflexively, “we’ll take you back and help you get better.

He tried to say the words as gently as possible, but Llyr’s eyes widened all the same, expression dropping into fear as he tried to scramble backwards, only jostling his leg more. He cried at the pain as he tried to crawl away, and Ray heard Hugh mutter a curse behind him before crouching above Llyr’s shoulders, holding forcibly in place.

“Stop, stop no no!” he thrashed, and Ray shot Hugh a look of disdain.

“Well? I got him still,” he grinned, propping the boy up in his lap and holding him there with a bruising grip on his upper arms. “You do the honors.” Ray followed his gaze to the animal trap, the sharp metal teeth disappearing underneath skin and the puddle of blood mixing in with the mud below. 

He glanced back at Llyr’s pained face cautiously before crawling down to his leg where the trap had latched on. It dug in deep, especially in the fleshier part of his leg, and Ray grimaced at the sight. He’d need to stand to get enough leverage to even dream of forcing this thing open.

Carefully, he stood and placed his bare foot on the bottom part of the trap, between two of the teeth and near the end. Taking the top jaw in hand, he grunted and pulled as hard as he could, straining against the surprising resilience. It really shouldn’t have been so surprising, considering these were meant to hold bears in place, but the thought really didn’t help Ray in the moment.

To make matters worse, every time he pulled, shaking arms shifting Llyr’s leg back and forth in the trap, the boy whimpered and whined with pain, seemingly too delirious with it to talk now.

“Hugh, is he alright? Is he even still conscious?” 

“I dunno. Probably not, by the look of him.”

Despite what the captain and his ex-shipmate believed, Llyr was very much still awake, but far too exhausted to pay any more attention to them. Thoughts were running so slowly through his head as if they too were buried in mud.

He should have been panicking and worrying about them taking him back, but all he could think about was the grime nearly covering his entire body now. It felt like a cocoon, a cage, a vice on his entire being that wouldn’t let go. The rain wasn’t powerful enough to wash it away, and suddenly it was unbearable to be out of the ocean. 

All at once, he was so exhausted from dealing with this human form. He longed for the comfort of the sea, of his skin forming around him just as it was always meant to be, but stupid, stupid him had left that behind for a foolish, horribly timed escape. Weakly, he squirmed under Hugh’s hold and he could have sworn the pressure of its stomach against his back rippled in a laugh as he muttered over and over about water, water, water…

The pain didn’t register in his brain when the trap finally came off of his leg, and neither did the sensation of open bleeding, but he did feel the vertigo as he was lifted from the ground and placed up on his feet. 

It didn’t even register to him that they were trying to force him back with them until he took his first step.

Next part

[arigatouiris]

Catching Feelings — Connor [02]

Pairing: Deviant! Connor x Reader

Word Count: 2899

Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff, clumsy!reader, timid!reader (not for long), mentions of anxiety, inappropriate boss behavior (basically Gavin being Gavin)

Author’s Note: Sorry for the late update on this! I had so much to do at work and other requests to finish sighhh. Anyway, I hope you like this new chapter, do let me know what you think so far! 

Also, those who want to be on the taglist, just send me an ask~

Summary: She tells Connor about an upgrade.

C h a p t e r  Two: Red

○

Connor noticed (y/n) gather her things when it was about time for lunch. 

He immediately alerted Hank, before pointing at the intern, and Hank nodded.

    “Go invite her.” Hank said, before shutting his system down.

Connor wasted no time before rushing toward where (y/n) was, who was gathering her wallet and closing the files on her desk. Her desk was situated very close to Gavin’s, considering she was his intern. He was nowhere to be seen, a fact that Connor was pleased with. 

As soon as he was merely inches away from (y/n), he stood there, with a soft smile on his face. He remembered having realised that he found her cute, a fact that made him strangely happy.

She looked up at him and smiled back, before her eyes widened just a bit. She turned to see Hank approach them both, waving at her from a distance. This would be the first time she would be speaking to Lieutenant Anderson, something that suddenly turned the tips of her fingers into jelly. Her mind shut down and she knew she was nervous. He wasn’t like Gavin, but he was told to have a temper.

    “L-Lieutenant… Anderhank, I-I mean, Hankerson! N-No, Lieutective Anderson—” (y/n) fumbled, her face sweating.

Hank broke out laughing, while Connor stared at the girl as if she was dying.

    “Are you alright, Miss (l/n)?” Connor asked, concern streaked across his forehead. Turning to Hank, “Is she malfunctioning? Can this even happen?”

Hank continued laughing before patting the nervous girl on the shoulder a couple of times, “She’s just nervous, Connor. She’s not malfunctioning. And hey, kid, I won’t eat you. You can relax.”

Hearing him say that helped a tad bit, but she was too afraid to answer in fear of sounding like another retard. Nodding, she looked to the ground and spoke instead.

    “You don’t have to take me out for—”

    “Yeah, yeah. What food do ya like?” Hank asked, looking at her from his side.

Connor raised a finger in the air and said, “Hank loves hamburgers. The unhealthy kind.”

(y/n) looked at the android before blinking, “I think they’re all unhealthy, Connor.”

He nodded before saying, “That’s what I always tell him. He doesn’t listen. He wants to put his body under tumultuous stress and degradation.”

(y/n) and Hank both scrunched their faces up at Connor’s choice of words. Hank shook his head before leading the three of them out of the station, as (y/n) walked beside Connor, behind Hank.

    “Oh, right!” (y/n) suddenly said, as they neared the closest fast food joint. “Don’t you guys have a new system update or something?”

Connor blinked at the girl. “Software update?”

She nodded before turning to Hank, who suddenly seemed interested.

    “I think it’s got to do with one of the androids from Jericho? I think his name is Simon or something. So basically, he designed a new update and additional upgrades for androids to be able to co-live with human beings. So, they call it ‘Revival’, where androids are installed with additional sensors that allow them to taste food and enjoy it, feel pain and pleasure as well. It comes with… Well, it comes with…” She blushed as she continued, “It comes with gonads and everything.”

Connor blinked, unaware of how to react. He had heard of no such software update, but that was also because he was personally trying to figure out what he understood of himself turning deviant. Hank looked at Connor and turned aside, having a close idea as to what Connor might think of this upgrade.

    “With it, you can probably eat one of those burgers and understand why we choose to eat them despite it being unhealthy! Just like a human being—”

    “But, we are not.” Connor snapped, alerting the girl.

Her eyes widened as she stared at the android, who had suddenly paused walking. She turned around to face him, afraid she had said something to hurt his feelings, conflicted over him having feelings in the first place, and Hank stood there, quietly.

    “Yes, you’re… you’re not. But, you can co-exist—”

    “I don’t see why we need to become more like human beings to coexist. I believe it is appropriation of the lack of culture we, as androids, have. You see, human beings have existed long before us, and there is a large population even now that believes androids are not a life form worth respecting. In such a disorderly situation, when androids try to blend in using a method that involves us masking our true nature, I don’t see any change from why we wanted liberation in the first place,” Connor narrowed his eyes.

“We are a life form that cannot feel pain or pleasure, unless we are of the model to do so in the first place. I was programmed to be a detective, and I intend to learn on my own on how to become better at this profession, not intending on taking—”

    “But, have you ever wondered if you’ve wanted to be a detective at all?” (y/n) asked, narrowing her eyes a bit.

Connor frowned before saying, “I have given it thought, but I can safely say that I enjoy doing my work. It is not because I cannot refuse an order that I do not refuse an order. I do not refuse because I don’t want to—”

    “And maybe because you don’t know what pain or pleasure feels like you think you don’t need it.” (y/n) said, her voice low.

Connor’s LED turned a dark red. Hank sighed before stepping in.

    “That’s enough, Connor,” He scolded the android before turning to (y/n). “Let’s go eat.”

(y/n) nodded before clenching her fists. She could think of a person from long ago in her past who perhaps was the only reason (y/n) had learned how to live.

Once they were inside the tiny restaurant, (y/n) and Hank ordered two meals for their hamburgers, before setting to wait. Connor sat among them, quiet, lost in thought. (y/n) looked at him before looking at Hank, who offered her a sad smile, and rolled his eyes. (y/n) smiled before turning to the android again, and licked her lips.

    “Um, Connor?”

He looked up at her.

    “It’s not that I meant you have to take it. Or that androids have to blend in with people. They don’t have to. What I was trying to say was… What if there are androids who want to blend in? What if there are those who want to feel pain and pleasure and taste food? What about those androids—”

    “I don’t see why an android will be interested in even—”

    “It’s a simple reason, really.” (y/n) said, chuckling.

Connor didn’t think it was simple.

    “Simple? I don’t see how. I see an irrational decision made on the basis of imitation.”

    “It is simple, though,” she said, offering him a kind smile. Connor’s LED turned yellow when she smiled, a sign only Hank seemed to notice. “It’s love.”

    “Love?” Hank asked, confused now.

(y/n) nodded, “The android that designed the Revival feature included the option of a designated shut down,”

Both Hank and Connor looked confused. 

“It is an optional feature that includes an androids vitals being affected due to external stimuli. If they start to feel fear then it’ll affect the thirium pump, which you call a heart, and you can feel the blood, in this case, thirium, rushing to your fingers and everything similar to what a person goes through when they’re afraid. Not only that, this designated shut down also slows the android’s processing with time, and one day, they shut down.”

Connor didn’t like what he heard. Before he could say anything, however, Hank did.

    “An auto-shut down? Why would they do that?”

    “Calling it an auto-shutdown is like… it’s machine jargon, so let’s call it what it was designed to replicate. Ageing. It’s ageing. Androids now can battle for homeostasis as well, which affects their age. It’s revolutionary, and I’ve heard a lot of androids have signed up for it.”

    “Revolutionary? It’s moronic,” Connor spat, red flashing in his LED. “You said it was because of love. How?”

    “So, the first android and human wedding is in seven months,” 

Connor’s eyes widened. 

“The android behind this revolutionary upgrade is Simon, and… and his fiance is a human. His name is Reese, he’s a mechanic. Simon met him sometime before he fled to Jericho as a deviant. Turned out Reese was one of the few humans who knew where Jericho was and never revealed it. Simon and Reese started seeing each other after the android revolution and that was that. I think it’s wonderful—”

    “Android… and a human?” Connor asked, surprised.

(y/n) nodded, smiling to herself. A moment later, their hamburgers arrived. Connor watched as the girl and Hank dove into the food they were eating, and could see their stress levels reduce. Food could always induce a surge of the happy hormones to hit any human, and Connor would be lying if he said he wasn’t curious at all about it.

However, an android and a human being? He couldn’t even picture it! He turned to see (y/n), who seemed to be a firm supporter of androids upgrading themselves to fit this feature. He couldn’t understand how a human could ever return an android’s feelings. He couldn’t understand if it was even the same love in the first place. 

However, something stopped him from wanting to ask her right then. Something about her eating her meal, laughing with Hank about something silly that she had seen the other day, with Hank asking her what an asshole Gavin was, and her shyly muttering she can’t reveal too much; there was something about the entire scene that made Connor want to stay in this permanently.

He didn’t want this one meal to ever end.

○

As they walked back to the office, he thought about love as a concept. 

He couldn’t understand what it really meant, having never felt love as a deviant android. Some of the only emotions he had strongly felt were that of fear, a driving want to live and anger. He had no idea what love was, and if he were being honest, he had always wondered what it felt like. Ever since he came across the Traci who was in love with another, he wondered.

He wondered about love like he wondered about so many other things. However, he was certain about one thing.

    “I choose to not take the upgrade,” Connor said, firmly. Hank and (y/n) listened to the android, sure that he wasn’t done. “I choose not to, because I identify as an android and am quite proud that I do not have inefficiencies that get in the way of me achieving my tasks.”

    “Hey,” Hank scolded, “Emotions are not inefficiencies, dickwad.”

    “I think we are entitled to our own opinions on the matter, Lieutenant. This is where I disagree with you.”

    “Well, you can shove your opinion you know where.” Hank said, grumbling.

    “I actually don’t. Where?”

(y/n) giggled before grabbing the android’s hand and walking ahead. Connor stared at her with wonder, once again thinking of Sumo, and strangely, feeling secure. He could see so clearly the side of her face; the hair she had tucked behind her ear, the texture of her cheek, the curve of her lips, her eyes narrowing at the sides because she was smiling so wide, a soft streak of red on her cheeks that indicated a stronger capillary blood flow in that area.

She was cute. She was so, so cute.

Connor could feel the grip loosen at the front of his fingers and he was instantly confused. The LED at the side of his head was now flashing yellow, something Hank noticed once more, but chose not to comment on right away. 

Connor never looked away from her, his eyes were fixed at her form, as she pulled him along. However, even if Connor was so aware of noticing her and watching her and observing her, he wasn’t quite sure of how he was doing it. And as an onlooker, Hank was awed with the expression on Connor’s face.

He was looking at a human being as if he was seeing color for the first time.

Hank chuckled before shaking his head, keeping his thoughts to himself.

○

As soon as they returned to the station, Gavin was already yelling. 

(y/n)’s heart fell to the ground before her eyes widened, the smile was wiped off her face (a fact Connor didn’t quite like), and she immediately rushed to her seat, thinking of a thousand apologies already.

    “Oh, so Miss busy-as-fuck is back!” Gavin said, kicking her desk.

If her form could be any smaller, Connor was shocked with how small she looked right then. Gavin circled around her desk, as she stared at the top of the table, helplessly.

    “Hey, I’d taken her out. Cut her some slack, moron.” Hank said, intervening.

    “Stay out of this, Hank. This is between me and my fucking intern. I don’t say shit about that piece of plastic next to you, so fuck off.”

Hank sighed before tossing Connor an apologetic look and returning to his desk. It didn’t seem like Hank to just let things be, it wasn’t like him to allow Gavin to treat (y/n) the way he was. It didn’t seem fair, and it didn’t seem right. His LED was now flashing red, and his eyes were narrowed like slits.

    “Tell me, you useless piece of trash,” Gavin kicked the table once more, “Did you complete arranging the files?”

Perhaps, he was expecting her to say no. But, when she nodded, Gavin seemed to get angrier. He slammed his hand on her desk, sending her into a shaking fit, before he screamed.

    “You think you’re too smart for me, huh?”

Connor hadn’t realised he was merely inches away from Gavin a moment later. He also didn’t realise he had held Gavin’s hands and pulled him back harshly from the intern. Reed’s eyes were wide as he stared at Connor’s brown orbs, his LED flashing a mad red on the side of his head.

    “What the fuck are you doing?” Gavin threatened.

    “Do not lay a single finger near or on (y/n) (l/n). This is a warning.” Connor threatened back, tightening his grip on Gavin’s arm.

Detective Reed winced before pulling away harshly from Connor’s death-like grip and grabbing his collar and pulling him. Connor released himself rather easily, before setting his tie again. (y/n) stood up quickly before pulling Connor back.

    “Connor, please don’t—”

His hand fell on hers, and he gently brought them down. While their hands were connected, she felt as if it was meant to be connected all along. He held her hand as if he was used to it, he held her hand with a weird sense of familiarity she didn’t understand the origin of. 

Her heart was pounding against her chest, her eyes were as wide as saucers when she felt him entangle his fingers with hers. He took his right hand and then placed it on hers, and offered her a kind smile.

    “You’re going to be okay, Miss (l/n).”

Her eyes widened and her heart screamed. Connor noticed her capillary blood flow around her cheeks was increasing, her heart rate was increasing, but her cortisol levels were falling to normal. He felt relief flood all over him and all he could think of was Simon, for some strange reason. 

He patted her hand twice before releasing her and then turning to Gavin again.

    “There will be strict disciplinary action taken against any police officer who ill-treats their juniors. In this case, intern. So, Detective Reed, as much as I enjoy reprimanding you in front of the office like this, I’d strongly advise you to not let this happen again,” 

Connor leaned forward and smirked, “Because if it does, it won’t go too well.”

Gavin let out a string of curse words out before storming out of the station. (y/n) watched in horror as her boss exited the building, and she was unsure of what she needed to do. Luckily for her, what she didn’t know was Fowler would tell her to go home for the day, and things would strangely go back to normal the next day.

What she didn’t understand was why she felt so nervous when Connor took her hand in his. The way he comforted her, the way he smiled at her, and the way he stepped up for her, especially when no other human had done, shocked her the most. She stared at her hand, feeling Connor walk away a moment after, and thought of him.

She turned and looked at him as he sat at his desk, a second after which he turned to shoot her a knowing glance. What did he know in that glance? What was he trying to say? Her heart skipped a beat when he smiled and nodded, before turning back to his screen.

She stared at her and and could still feel the essence of his synthetic skin against hers. He had invariably left an imprint on her right then, convincing her of one very important thing.

Connor had acted so human, it scared her to her bones.

○

series taglist:

@ggukachuu​ @rainbowsithlord @pan-puff-pride​ @tanya-diggory​ @toocoldoutsideforyou​ @margaret-mortem​ @ohhhhhhsweetfandomofmine @pandacookieowo​ @maajikcrossing​ 

[hobidreams]

Hi Rain!! So sorry this feedback is kinda late, I just feel I needed to really do October 1865 justice cus it was hands down one of my favorites thus far!!! The whole thing, from beginning to end, was so thoughtfully written. Like when she finally dons the pink hanbok and is inspecting her appearance in the mirror and wishing her mom was there for advice/guidance really hit hard. Like she really is all alone in this great big palace with no family and minimal friends. And I find that I’m always

PLS DON’T APOLOGIZE & TAKE ALL MY LOVE INSTEAD AHHHHH 💖💖

rooting for our dear mc, she feels like an underdog to me. Quiet, demure, poised, low ranking, but incredibly sweet and giving. “So far, you’ve begrudgingly won a few scraps of respect from the male physicians, and it’s a start.” LIKE YES GIRL GET IT. And when Yoongie comes to her door to get her?!? The equivalent of a man getting out of the car and walking to your door to pick you up on your date. LOVED IT. 

WAIT I DIDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT LIKE THIS BUT UR RIGHT LMAOOOO

And the description of his appearance was perfectly detailed- I can imagine exactly what he looks like!! Well done. He truly is “unfathomably handsome.” I especially enjoyed the lil tidbit of the two of them looking suitable for each other despite their marked difference in social status and rank. As if, at least for the night, they’ll look like they belong together. It warms my heart. I love that this Yoongi is still lighthearted with the way he jokes with Eunuch Kim. It’s so nice to see him like this, but continues to make me wonder what else happened to him to change him so drastically??? 

*slow, calculating laughter here* heheh i’m glad u enjoyed the clothing bits though! that’s one of my favorite aspects of the history to research :’)

Her excitement to see the Chuseok festivities is so palpable, and when she realizes “oh god, you just made the prince run” I WAS CACKLING HAHAH and the Jinkook appearace!!!!!!!!!! I WAS HOWLING. I love that you kept the basic appearance of the two from the mv. What a creative way to weave them into the story!!! “the bearded one looks about seconds away from giving the other younger man a good smack with the fishing rod leaning on the wall behind him.” HAHAHA SCREEEEEAM their competitiveness and banter is perfectly written!!! “Yah, you can take your beans and shove them right up your nasty sokgot… I’ll take two orders of each. Preferably not ones shoved anywhere.” I’M ACTUALLY DYING. The dialogue here is hilarious!! 

me: sobbing because humor is so hard & you are so kind T_T

And the way Yoongi passes off the treats to mc and Eunuch Kim!! And when they get mistaken as a couple by her mother’s old friend?!? CLASSIC. I’ve found that old ladies literally give no fucks. I had a patient who would thirst over the same co-worker that I did (and yk, fair, cus he looked like an older, taller JK) She was shameless about it and I wanna be her when I get older haha 

FDSLKDAFS MOOD I WOULD TOO HAHAHAA have u SEEEN JUNGKOOK LATELY??? that BUN? THE SHEER SHIRTS? im D E A D. PHEWW. but seriously old ladies never change, no matter the era HAHAH

ok, but one of the best parts is Eunuch Kim losin his cool over Chun-ja. The way he nearly drops his jeon and is soooo flustered has me so heart eyed for him. I’m so happy to finally be meeting this lucky woman who has ensnared our beloved Eunuch Kim’s heart!! And those letters?! Ugh, I am so fond of hand-written letters. They’re so nostalgic and personal and no one seems to do it anymore. 

heh i’m glad u like letters because-- oop i wont say anything more ;)

Don’t think I didn’t notice that Yoongi chose the bracelet she was eyeing. But are we gonna see him give it to her?? Or does he just secretly have it slipped into her room, cus that would be SUCH a yoongi thing to do. My favorite part though, if I HAD TO CHOSE, was probably the ending scene at the pond. I feel like this is the first time they’ve had the chance to have a REAL conversation. And how her theory that some things in the world are out of their control but can change in their favor if they never give up. Seems like it parallels their predicament perfectly. 

you may be the only person who’s picked up on that conversation FDASLJKAS but yes, it truly is ;-; i absolutely adore those quiet moments between the two of them & writing this one was... phew a ride and a half. there’s a lot of subtext there 🤣

But I need to know!!! WHAT DID THEY WISH FOR?! 

iono 🤭 (youll find out later)

Ugh sweet Yoongi is killing me. I love him, but damn knowing what he’ll become in the next few years has me heart broken. As always, well done Rain. What a chapter to come home to after a long weekend of work!! I’m so appreciative of your writing. Your page is always such a safe and comforting space. Your positivity and kindness really reinforce my idea that you’re a wonderful human being. I hate that you had rude ass anons leaving their trash comments in your asks. As King Yoongi would say, “they’re peasants!” fuck the haters, bubs, and keep shining. You’re a fantastic writer, and I hope that you keep writing what inspires you, and deliver it the way you want!! I know I’ve said it before, but I feel I need to say it again, but I LOVE the way you decided to present MLT. I LOVE the drabbles and the timeline. It’s unique and fresh and will always remind me of MLT. ILYSM, Rain!! As always, please accept all my love and adoration!

sighhh you are so so so lovely. thank you for taking all this time out of your busy life to send me this. it just warms my entire heart. please don’t worry abt my anons; they’ve actually been pretty nice!! i havent ever had a mean anon ever in my inbox or anyone purposefully being cruel in my comments so my frustration was more at seeing how my friends are contiuously disrespected for providing their FREE content. AGH. and they get rebuked if they reply with annoyance, which they deserve to do after being pestered over and over again!!! someone said they had 20 asks in their inbox asking for updates and AGGGGHHH !!! that makes me wanna tear those anons a new one. but anyway. it’s wonderful people like you that keep us going & i wish i had a better way of giving you my gratitude because it doesn’t feel like enough. thank you 😭💗 pls take this happy boy and i hope you have the fantastic day you deserve!!!!

[frostiifae]

Part 2: Top 5 Favorite Characters to Write.

Sighhh. You really do know how to make me happy, don’t you?

1. Eirika.

"Tana will not stop talking about you," Eirika hissed. "She has been miserable, you know, and she goes on and on about you like you're the only thing in her life worth living for. 'O Eirika, if only you could have seen what I saw! She showed me such beauty in the heat of battle and I fear I will never see it again! O Eirika, do you think she will become the greatest fighter in Magvel? I wish I could learn alongside her!'"

Marisa lowered her arms. She tried to speak, but words didn't come to her, and she trailed off; Eirika stopped, panting, glaring.

"Is this what you are afraid of?" Slowly Eirika caught her own breath, too, calming herself. Her bangs had drifted back into her face, meaning her hair was surely a mess by now; still she brushed it aside. "That Tana will try to kill you?"

"Every employer has," Marisa mumbled, looking down and crossing an arm over her stomach. "It is only a matter of when."

"That is..." Eirika trailed off, despairing. How could anyone live like that? "Marisa," she said, softly and seriously. "On the honor of Renais, and the power of the Sacred Stone, I swear that you will always be a friend and ally to Renais and welcome within her borders."

A little while back, I was scrolling through my works list on Ao3, and I noticed that I write about Eirika an awful lot. She’s in a third of everything I write! Eirika is fun to write about for two reasons; one, she’s a fully-formed character as she is, a wonderful and likeable person, who still has a lot of personal growth to explore. There are so many different ways you can interpret her character and different forms of growth to explore, but despite that, you’re still starting from the basis of a very charming, charismatic, kind-hearted woman who honestly wants to do the best she can for everyone around her.

Secondly - well, she’s very charming and charismatic, she’s very elegant, and yet not without those adorable little flaws here and there. It’s fun to write about Eirika being a gay mess for Julia in Cinders. It’s fun to write about her treading the line of depravity in HTL (and other things). The sequence I quoted here is at the end of a sword fight she has with Marisa to try to help Marisa open up about her feelings. She’s so multi-dimensional and adapts so well to so many situations, where you get to explore both how she responds, and how other people respond to her own influence - in fact, she’s so flexible that I had a really hard time picking a single segment to show here! I just love her, and part of me wonders if I’ll ever stop writing about her. Thank you so much for showing her to me.

2. Phobos.

"You don't need me," Emily promises. "And I don't need to be saved. I've survived long enough now."

Naomi is stunned - so much so that she almost doesn't react, as Emily turns and steps forward. Her panicked cry is late, her lunge towards Emily is late. But Phobos is not stunned, and Phobos acts much quicker and moves much faster than Naomi.

She - she, the horde of spiders, the Outsider, the concept of Fear - she does not think, she does not hesitate; there is no internal resolution or promise being upheld. This is an instinct, nothing more or less. But when Emily teeters, on the verge of giving away her balance and allowing gravity to take hold of her fate, she looks down, and what she sees is not the ground far below her. What she sees she can't quite understand. Her brain tries and fails to arrange it in shapes she recognizes; there are pieces there, pieces of things that look like they might have been familiar, but altogether it can't be parsed.

What she sees is Phobos lunging beneath her to try to catch her. What she sees is an infinite yawning cavern of twisting, tangled webs, bursting from one another in fractal patterns, growing unimaginably large and shrinking unimaginably small. What should have been a fall of a few hundred feet becomes an abyss light-years deep, stretching before her, around her, past her, behind her, encompassing her. There are legs. There are eyes. She can't count them. They're all watching her. They're scrambling in her way. That is Phobos, to Emily's eyes. That's all she sees before her mind can't take anymore.

Of course my OCs are some of my favorite characters to write about, and - once I’ve established them all better - I’m sure they would all overtake my top 5, which may or may not be kind of boring.

But so far, Wishes is a story about Phobos, and I fucking love Phobos. I have always adored her, even before she took this shape, even before I committed to “fear” as the axis around which her character evolved. There are so many things I want to say about her that I can’t just yet, but for those of you who have been reading Wishes, I’m sure this comes as no surprise. Phobos is wonderful and I’m excited to do so much more with her.

3. Rei.

Rei is pursing her lips. She tries her best to take this all in, and parts of it do process. That Rei has to succeed, so that the deaths of the rest of the world are not in vain; yes, she knows this. That Naomi was meant to die, and Rei violated that destiny... she knows this too. But...

...but no, she can't accept the rest of it. She shakes her head. "I won't let them die for nothing," she whispers. "But that's not enough for me. I won't let anyone die at all. I won't let you, or Eliza, or Gwen, or anyone else from the Seed - they've all come this far, even if they can't wake up on their own anymore, and I won't let any of them die."

"Y-You can't..." Naomi laughs brokenly. "Rei, you can't..."

"I'm not a child!" Rei shouts, her fingers digging into Naomi's shoulders. "This has been my goal from the beginning! This is why I saved you, Naomi! Not so you could throw your life away in service to me here, because I love you and I want you to live! If you die there's no fucking point to any of this!"

"Rei," Naomi breathes. Her voice is faint, a trace of her laughter still lingering in it, hanging in bittersweet awe. Rei is aware she is tearing up too. She has to consciously stop herself from saying what comes to her lips next - Naomi does not need to know that she's died before - that's - it's not important, it's not important because she's going to save this one.

"I'm not like you," she is hissing, not sure whether she's angry or sad or terrified or relieved, but whatever it is, she is so full of it she could burst. "I was raised for this! This is my life's purpose! If I die to achieve it, I will die happy! I didn't survive twenty years of knowing the world was about to end just to make compromises and half-measures at the final moment, Naomi, I swore to myself that I would save everyone and I'm going to save everyone, okay?! That includes you! ESPECIALLY you!"

...*sighs dreamily* I love Rei...

Rei is the culmination of half of my favorite things that any character can be. She is responsible. She is kind. She is ambitious. She knows in her heart that she is going to save the world. And she is so, so not ready for what will happen to her when she does.

I don’t want to say anything more than that, but hopefully the snippet above - technically a spoiler - helps illustrate who she is and why I love her so much.

4. Ahri.

But that wasn't new for Noxians, they did a lot of things that Ahri didn't understand, and there was nothing that bothered Ahri as much as not understanding humans, even though she revelled in how strange and mysterious and unique they could all be, because it gave her hope that she could be her own different brand of human, a special human with ears and tails that reminded her of an unhappy past she had overcome, she liked that, and she liked to believe that she didn't have to be perfect or normal, or to make sense to other people, but it was hard to be convinced of that when other people laughing at you hurts so much, and although she could build herself up all she liked when she was alone, and although she got so much encouragement from Wukong, who said that being a human wasn't very special and that Ahri was wonderful for being Ahri, he was such a sweet nice person and she was very happy to know him, but when you're in the moment, excited to be normal and to do normal things and humans just scoff and laugh and push you aside, it hurts in a way that nice words can't fix, it hurts in a way that breaks your hopes like glass, and you try to cobble them together again but you just cut your hands and look foolish.

And then there were the Noxians, who were a whole different kind of unusual, where Ahri was strange in a way that made people laugh and ignore her, Noxians were strange in a way that made people hate and fear them, but Ahri wondered if that would be so bad, because at least that was a reaction, at least there was respect there, and Ahri longed to be respected. What kind of idiot human would ever turn down free food at a festival? She knew even Wukong would find that very weird, and Ahri didn't know how to explain that, but she had just desperately wanted to be normal and to do a normal human thing, and instead of being allowed to do that, her intent and desire was assumed, and she was given a gift she didn't want, without anyone asking her what she actually wanted, and she wished they had just looked afraid of her, because then she could impress them, and she could do her human thing and be done with it, and she was sure she would be just as lonely that way, but it would be better at least, she wouldn't be questioning who and what she was supposed to be, or whether this whole magic body thing was really just an awful cosmic joke.

...No, Ahri, you can't think like that, because this body is all you have now, and without it, there's... there's nothing.

She stopped and leaned up against a tree, breathing raggedly, her tails curling around her protectively, both hiding her and sheltering her from the cold. Calm down, Ahri...

At this point, it’s not really fair to say that the character I wrote in the Resurgence of Noxus is the same as the Riot Games character, Ahri (and not just because of her retconned background). But, regardless, I love this fox very dearly. Just because I’ve put a lot of distance between myself and League as both a player and writer doesn’t diminish any of my feelings for her.

To me, Ahri is (was) a very powerful symbol of my own struggle as a trans person. She is someone who was born as something she didn’t want to be, who spent her life watching and pining after the people who were what she wanted, and who was only granted half of her wish and then forced to be happy with that as a result. Ahri’s struggle to accept herself as she is and to find beauty and meaning in the ways she’s different from other humans is something I find myself coming back to in my own mind over and over.

In my early attempts at writing Ahri, I used long winding paragraphs and run-on sentences as a form of characterization, something about her that differentiates her from other people without her realizing why. I think it was a mostly successful experiment, but I’m sorry if it makes her a bit tough to read, hehe.

5. WA2000.

"How - isn't... it?" WA's voice cracked partway through [her sentence]. She sniffled, hiding her face. "Listen to me...! How... how isn't this a defect?" She sniffled again, curling up. She was crying now. "I'm a gun that starts sobbing uncontrollably if you make her even think about killing one particular human. Weapons can't get sentimental! Otherwise they can't do their job!"

I have spent comparatively little time with WA2000 as a writer. I have no published works involving Girls’ Frontline. I just have a few little projects - as I’m sure almost all writers do - that are personal and private and I keep on a back burner as something to come back to when I’m bored. You, Ellie, will probably recognize this quote.

As I’ve mentioned in other asks today, I love stories about AI trying to come to terms with the reason for their existence, while also gaining agency over their own emotions and forming their own desires and goals and relationships. WA2000 is just the perfect microcosm of all of those struggles. I think a lot of people see her as just That Really Pretty Tsun Android, but just like all genuinely great tsundere characters, there’s a very deep-seated reason for her acting that way, and watching her struggle with it and... slowly, ever so slowly overcome it... is one of the most beautiful things in the world to me.

Even if I don’t ever publish anything with WA in it, I’m really excited to do more with this character and with the themes she embodies.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

Why did you hurted me with the age slowly angst😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 it would be weird but I can see merfolks keeping things from their dead lovers to remind them 😭😭😭 let me fix this with some fluff then 😣😣 I hc that merman Suguru is a jewelry freak not all merfolk has to love them but I can see him being crazy for jewelry that they found from ship wrecks (kinda creepy since they would steal them from dead people) and would try to steal from our reader and they would have fights about stealing and what are we thinking about reader being either a doctor or vet? I am more on the vet side but he is half human half fish so I dont which one would be better for treating him after he got hurt bc of the fisherman 😭🌙

HI 🌙 ANONNNN i hope you’re doing well hehe

I’M SORRY FOR THE ANGST PHDJDHD 😭😭…. but wahhhhh this is suchhh a cute concept!!! perfect timing too, i’ve been thinking a lot abt reader’s profession lately!! :33

it’s funny that u mention the doc/vet part bc i def picture reader as someone very knowledgeable abt medicine!! which is why they can tend to mer!sugu so well… but as far as actual professions go i actually picture them making jewelry LOL, it’s perfect for the fluff hc too 😭😭 it’s not exactly a job but for Lore reasons i imagine reader being pretty well off, enough that they don’t really Have to work to survive. so they just make jewelry and sell it!!

BUT 🌙 ANONNN the idea of mer!sugu being like a little crow is so real to me…. it’s less of a conscious decision and more of an instinct i think. sometimes he just does it w/o thinking. reader gives him a stern look and he glances down to discover he’s wearing a bunch of their jewelry 😭😭…. he’s cute. but i think he’s a lil embarrassed abt it LMAO he doesn’t want them to view him as a thief!! sometimes he just gets distracted by all the shining jewels and chains……. 😔😔😔 he can’t help it.

but wahhhh imagine reader gifting him some of the jewelry they made :(( and vice versa!! i had another convo recently abt how reader might make a necklace out of mer!sugu’s scales…. and how that’s viewed almost as an engagement ring from a mermaid’s pov so sugu is just. flustered LOL….. but i can soooo see him making that necklace for them himself and being a little shy abt it :(( reader doesn’t know abt the deeper meaning and that’s fine by him, he just thinks they look pretty with it….

SIGHHH i love him so much. aaaa but i def think we’re onto smth when it comes to mermaids being hoarders!!! gathering jewelry from ships and bones from their dead loved ones. it’s a form of sentimentality i think!!! :(( and mer!sugu is the most sentimental of them all……..

[prettywordsyouleft]

Becoming Human - Chapter 23

Previous Chapters:  1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22

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After the dinner party success, Daniel soon joined Leo more often around the company. At first, it seemed to frustrate Doctor Jung, not wanting the robots to get too close with one another. But even he was able to see the difference in Daniel through their connection. Without any added software, Leo’s influence was enough to help Daniel produce his own thought. In the office, if something didn’t sit well with the robot, he wouldn’t immediately push it away now, even going as far as to speak back to one of the staff members who had treated him like a sentient being with no feelings. It surprised everyone around him, and I think even Daniel was shocked too. From that moment, Daniel suddenly had more of a presence in the office and no longer was seen as the invisible character unless they needed something.

It made me proud to know that Leo had spurred this behaviour on.

And when Younha all but jumped me the very next morning, dragging me into her office, I knew there had to be further changes that had blown her mind. Glancing around the room as if there were spies about, she then huddled closer to me, her eyes wide. “Can we talk privately?”

“I don’t think it could get any more private than this, unni.”

She smiled weakly and then grabbed my hands in hers. “Promise me you won’t hate me and have any disrespect for me if I tell you this. I’m still your boss but you cannot get awkward with me, okay? I just have no one else to tell this to.”

“Okay?” I agreed slowly, frowning a little at her precursor. She nodded rapidly and then took in a deep breath.

“He’s changed.”

“I know, I’ve been seeing him in the office and how he spoke with Minjae-”

“No, I mean, oh god how do I announce this? Last night, he initiated it. He never has! And he was so different.”

Oh, so that was what she meant. I wondered why I wasn’t entirely embarrassed to hear of my boss and her Kboy being intimate, but from how close we had gotten in the past few days, it seemed natural and instead I offered for her to continue. Younha’s face relaxed momentarily, although she soon became quite animated.

“It was like he was out of control! Instead of following the usual dialogue and me starting it, Daniel was babbling on about feeling something new inside of him at how he stood up for himself more than once this week, and how Leo had congratulated him for having his own thoughts and believing in them. And then he said how much he had been thinking about me, and suddenly we were…”

We both shared a knowing expression and I nodded. “Was it that overwhelming?”

“I guess because you’ve never been around a Kboy, you don’t know how repetitive everything can be. I get why Sohyun has so many face-ups on hers just so it doesn’t grow stale. And sure they install patches with added features, but we as the owner are always in control. We dictate how fast, how slow, how long-”

“Okay, I understand!” I cut in and she apologised meekly. “This is great news though, right? I mean, you were complaining he was one dimensional. Now he’s got a little more to him.”

“We’re not letting Leo be erased. Let’s present this change to the team. Honestly, if he can influence one Kboy to consider more than what he’s programmed to do, think of how advanced Leo must really be! And we know he won’t do anything to harm the well-being of our bots, so I think it would be a crime to let Leo’s abilities disappear like this. We need to get our hands on another robot to add to our collection.”

Precisely then we watched Sohyun walk past the office, sharing a smile before dragging the girl into the office and shutting the door firmly.

  We didn’t have many days left until Leo’s scheduled demise. Gunhee had been keeping us in the loop of the plans, and with Sohyun’s introduction to the team, we now were three robots strong in proof that what Leo was capable of doing could be done so without the loss of what he had learned. And even though the timing was brief, Doyoung responded well to both Leo and Daniel’s interaction.

Okay so maybe they had gotten a little too excited discussing what pizza toppings they would have if they could ever eat, still, it made them more human-like.

And that was what the science team wanted for Kboys.

As Leo and I laid in bed the night before the meeting with Doctor Jung, I felt a small bout of despair. Would it all work? We had all planned everything so well that I really knew we could present our case to the science department well. But Doctor Jung still called the shots. I didn’t own Leo and he did. Knowing this made me uneasy and sleep evaded me, even with Leo’s fingers running through my hair.

“Stop worrying,” he soothed and I sighed. Kissing my forehead, he shifted closer. “We’ll fight him.”

“He’s not a bad person, Leo.”

“He’s not my favourite person either,” he retorted and I turned to see him smile. “You know I don’t think I’ve been this happy before.”

“Well it’s been pretty hectic with all the stuff you’ve been doing, you must feel pretty fulfilled.”

Leo nodded. “Today Daniel told me he looked up the meaning of best friend in depth and has decided I am his. It made me feel really special. To have a best friend. To be a hyung to both him and Doyoung, to have a role in their existence too. It must have been so lonely for them, especially Doyoung. Imagine sitting at home waiting for your owner to come back and play with you for a few hours and then leave again. I couldn’t do it. I have too many desires, too many goals that I want to achieve.”

“Like?” I asked, nestling into his side so he couldn’t see the tears welling in my eyes. He knew they were there though, and I tried to distract myself by kissing his bare chest lightly.

“Seeing the change in Kboys. Helping them understand they don’t have to live so confined. That they have the ability to evolve into someone, not something. To assist the world of humans. To tell humans when they’re wrong, when they’re unfair. To celebrate their successes. And to see many years at your side, developing with the customisation team a way to mature my appearance as you age. AI has so much potential to complete a person’s world, don’t you think?”

“You’ve completed mine,” I managed to say through my tears, reaching up to cup his cheek in my hand. “Leo, I love you.”

“I love you so much; it’s amazing my brain hasn’t fried.”

“Don’t joke about things like that,” I said with a laugh all the same and nestled back into him.

Maybe tomorrow would go better than I hoped. Especially if he spoke just like he had to me. Doctor Jung would have to see Leo now is better than the data they’ve collected. They didn’t need a new start, just the right person to lead them into success.

  In some twist of fate, convincing Doctor Jung was easier than I had expected. I had antagonised for so long over his reaction, and he had given in so easily. Perhaps he had wanted to test us all one more time. I started to wonder if his adamant behaviour about me not telling Leo was because he knew he’d find out, and actually challenged us to prove another side to Leo that he had gotten the inkling of during the experiment.

Leo’s placement at Kboys became permanent in the science department. Over the next two months, the strategic plans were constructed, and further tests with other Kboys were implemented. The science team grew, not with humans but with fellow Kboys, even the “broken” Jung Jinyoung was now an asset to the team with his sensitivity and deeper understanding of the heart. And although some might have feared an uprising of Kboys against the humans, they were soon seen to be beings that could relate well and understand the dynamics in power. Leo never pushed any harder than he had to and listened well when required. A new age of robotics was right around the corner.

And as much as it pained me to watch him leave, seeing his excitement of having his first sense of identification to fly on a plane was worth it. Leo was off to New York for his first convention. From New York, he went to London, Dubai, Tokyo and then finally back into my arms in Seoul. It was hard having such a popular boyfriend. He was doing so well though, learning new things about robots that he could bring to Kboys, but also offering the world amazing insight into what it was like to be essentially superhuman. He helped many Kboys that soon started attending his lectures, ringing to let me know when they told him they had jobs or meet-ups with fellow Kboys. It could have had a negative impact on society, but there was a wide acceptance that their feelings had equal placing in our world.

Everything was just too perfect.

And that’s why I wasn’t prepared for the worst. 

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Next chapter

A/N: Are we all ready for the final angst ride in the rollercoaster of Becoming Human? We all thought Doctor Jung would be the worst thing we faced, right? Sighhh. Just a gentle reminder that this fiction will be concluding next week on chapter 26! I’m not ready to say goodbye yet, so thank goodness we have 3 more chapters to go!

Want to be added to the notified list? Leave a comment or reblog letting me know that you wish to get tagged in the upcoming chapters! Thanks everyone for the continued support!

@cramelot @chanyeolol @annoyingtiger888 @reddragon2 @this-song-thats-only-for-you@tanithrea @pastelsweaters-and-bubble-t@babybee05@strwalight@chakkyeonie@chellolaa@tkwoonnie @squeallyeel22

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[purplemango501]

2018.07.07 TVXQ Circle Concert @ Hong Kong Fan Account

Ahh I don’t even know where to start. It’s been three days since the concert and I finally got some time to start writing my fan account.

Prologue

TVXQ was the third KPOP group I got to know and this is the first time I’ve watched their concert live. Although I do like their 5 people era, I’m still a supporter of both HoMin and JYJ. It’s very interesting though cause Yoochun actually had a fan meeting in Hong Kong ON THE SAME DAY but in the afternoon. I wanted to go to both but transport was kind of difficult and I’m also kind of broke so I opted for the concert option :P But I’ll definitely go watch if he comes back again maybe with Jaejoong and Junsu for a concert. And of course, if one day all five can be together again……… well I can only hope. It’s so sad how the groups I like are like this… TVXQ and SS501… sighhh anyway back to the concert

This was actually the second concert I’ve watched in two months! I can’t believe it haha. I’m really broke now sigh. Anyway when I found out that they were coming I really had a difficult time deciding what tickets to buy. The most expensive ones were $1680 but I was worried I wouldn’t get nice seats. And after Hyun Joong’s concert I really don’t think I’ll ever watch a concert as close as that one. It really affected my purchase decision ahaha. Anyway eventually I got the cheapest on $680 but it was RIGHT NEXT TO $980 tickets. It was pretty much in the centre and not actually that far. I quite liked my seats and I actually pitied those that bought $1680 standing in zone C because well they couldn’t really see the main stage from where they stood, they had to look at the screen most of the time.

Purchasing the ticket was a crazy experience. I was at work when tickets were on sale, I borrowed my colleagues’ phones to buy it. Eventually one of the phones managed to get onto the site and I got those lovely tickets!

The Venue

Oh gosh it was totally packed. So many people. The concert started at 7 and I got there around 5PM but most of the freebies were gone. Luckily my colleague that went with me helped me get a light stick. There were also banners and a gold T on each seat inside the venue. I think the fanclub was really creative with the gold T. I’ve never been to a concert with these cute crafty items!

So this was taken before the show started and you can see those people standing right in front, they really can’t see the main stage. Glad I didn’t pick that area lol 

Performance

What can I say? It’s wonderful. Magnificent. Amazing. I don’t know. Their voice is just so freaking heavenly. And must I say Changmin’s high notes are ridiculously amazing. I’ll just share some videos here. Words can’t really describe how good the performances were.

I really LOVE their new song LOVE LINE. It’s such a calm and cute song and omg they look so damn cute in the MV and comeback stage. Here’s a short clip I took that night of Love Line:

http://purplemango501.tumblr.com/post/175744609025/20180707-tvxq-circle-concert-hk-love-line

Can’t seem to embed it in this post...

There was a vcr where Yunho and Changmin seemed like a couple?!??!?! Everyone was obviously screaming but omg it was just so cute. I cannot…….

Another VCR showed them inside a car and they kept changing looks and sang different songs from the past. It was hilarious looking at their weird ass hairstyles from previous eras hahaha

I think the most emotional part was when they say You’re My Melody during encore. That is probably one of my favourite songs, it’s just so – beautiful. It also really describes how I think of them. They really are my melody. I hope one day in my life I can hear five of them sing this.

Post Concert Feels

So actually I didn’t go crazy after the concert like I did after Hyun Joong’s concert. I guess partly cause I wasn’t that close to them and also SS501 will always have a special place in my heart cause they were the first group I liked. But after a day, I started going crazy over Changmin. I realized how his eyes are just so charming.

I gave up uploading the videos cause I can’t embed them. 

Anyway this is a little short fan account because I’m just too tired. Really hope I can watch their live performance again!!

[chelouis-archive]

Hiya! For the 1D asks... 6, 9, 12, 51, 65, 99 (if that's too many just pick the ones you want to do!)

Hello sweet! never too many never too many 💕

(this is gonna look a little messy, im on mobile rip)

6: What’s your earliest One Direction related memory?

OOF probably seeing the One Thing mv on TV! I remember not liking Harry. his mouth seemed too big for his face and his curly hair :\ wow i was rly THAT dumb bitch huh

9: What’s your favourite tattoo on each of the boys?

Harry - THE ROSELouis - i rly like the tic-tac-toe tatLiam - THE WHOLE SLEEVE Zayn - probs the henna-style flower on his hand, or the symbols on his fingers since i’d love to get something similar myselfNiall - the church boy ain’t got no tattoos

12: What are your five favourite songs?

BOI im just gonna go one fav from each album hopefully it’s gonna make it easier 1 - What Makes You Beautiful2 - Rock Me3 - Best Song Ever4 - No Control5 - What a Feelingim crying blood it’s impossible to choose just 551: What’s your favorite fanfic?

MY LORD AND SAVIOR “I could dream all night” by fondleeds One of the most beautifully written things I’ve ever read in my life. Totally heartbreaking tho but I’m emo and i live for angst

65: Has your fav always been your fav?

Oh BOY i’ve had EVERYONE of them as my fav. First it was Niall, then Zayn, then Liam, then Louis, tho only after i /really/ got into fandom i realized how dumb I had been all this time and why everyone loved Harry so much :\ but i’m a louie first and no, he hasn’t been always my fav. i’ve come a long way

99: What’s a One Direction related memory you will never forget?

sighhh my first FIMQ video probably. it was about the ‘i loved you first’ incident as far as i remember?? i was like. what the fuck. i need to know more

thank u so much for stopping by 🌺