#siding with Kyle like. maybe he cares abt me maybe not but he not abt to let me die bc of his hero complex aha

[victimized-martyr]

(For the OTP ask game!) 23 and 68? 🤔

23. Which of the two would you rather team up with for a game of laser tag?

Me? I’m in south park rn? self insert? Oh god.

Well, if this question posits that Kyle and Cartman will be against each other and I have to pick sides, it doesn’t matter who I pick. Their competitive nature will render me a casualty. It’s giving me SOT and TFBW flashbacks… Kyle and Cartman fighting against each other becomes a whole thing, and everyone ends up suffering for it. Screw this question, I’m picking a third option. I’m going home lololol

68. Which of the two would you choose to be stuck with in an emergency?

Oh! hm… Kyle and Cartman are quick thinkers, Kyle is a bit more resourceful, not to mention he’s got a stable head on his shoulders. meanwhile, Cartman is a natural leader, and has this weird talent for predicting how people will respond or react, he just seems attuned to the world of SP (yes, I get those comments are for the funny hahas but bear with me here). If Cartman isn't anticipating leaving me behind, I’d side with him. The show tends to favor him (if he’s not being a major asshole) and he ends up coming out on top. Kyle has less luck and while he’s more likely to care for my well-being, I might end up getting screwed over. Well, hm... I think either way I’m getting screwed over.

Y’all rly out here expecting me to pick between a douche and a turd at these questions smh I'm having a Stan moment. Do I really gotta pick 😭 get me outta here

[cherie-doll]

Cherie, friend, babes AHH HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW ZOMBIE GHOST(technically not new, been a few months alrd I’m just late) and the little headcannon that he broke his jaw so he won’t bite and infect anyone?? It has me clawing at my heart sobbing QAQ

Could you write a fluff fic of Zombie!Ghost who still has an inkling of memory of what he was before or maybe like hcs/short scenarios of all the boys in a zombie apocalypse scenario?

Gods I can’t think of anyone better to write this one 😭😭😭 I love you, catch ya later!!!

yes! i do rmb reading a fic on idk where abt that hc

Zombie!Ghost x Reader (+Soap & Gaz)

Simon's hand had been quick to grab his jaw in a tight grip, applying force until he snapped it in one swift direction; breaking it. His jaw slacked, his mandible hanging; obscene and wide as blood spilled like water.

The efforts of the three of you; Johnny, Kyle, and you proved to be effortless when attempting to save Simon before the bite infected him. He'd taken care of it before any of you could think clearly. Panic had broken out among the group as your minds were thrown into disorder, unsure about what to do. Johnny had been at his side in an instant despite Simon's protests to stay back. And he in his panic, knowing he ultimately had no other choice to keep the rest of you safe, took action before better judgement dawned on him. The crack of bone echoed in the silent room as everyone watched in horror.

Simon was in agony. But how long does it take for a human to start losing their sanity and become nothing but a rotting corpse with an insatiable hunger? He knew, he'd seen it first hand. It took only an hour.

He deteriorated quickly. First, he lost his sense and sentiment... the very things that made him human. Sensibility was replaced by instinct. This showed when he lunged at Johnny, the flesh nearest to him. Simon attempted to bite down on Johnny's shoulder, desperate to get to the meat underneath the clothes. But with his loose jaw he was incapable of ripping through.

It took both you and Kyle to get him off Johnny and tie him down. You held back tears as you tightly secured the knots around Simon. Undoubtedly, his body was still in pain. The skin around the infected area had darkened like a bruise before it turned black. Spots of clotted blood became apparent on his skin and he felt hot, as if he had a fever. Beads of sweat formed on his hairline as he grunted.

As you observed him it seemed he was fighting a battle within himself. Flashes of memories rose to the surface emerging from the murky waters of his subconscious, having broken through the thick barrier in his mind. If his eyes were able to focus through the foggy white and meet your eyes, he seemed to recognize a being rather than tender flesh. Simon's eyes would soften as if reminiscing on a fond memory. And for a moment he seemed lost in a trance.

In the silence of the night, when it was your turn to stay guard, whilst Kyle and Johnny slept you approached Simon cautiously. As you came closer, he caught your scent and attempted to attack but was restrained by the thick ropes. You stopped a couple feet in front of him. Your eyes glanced at the ropes holding him back, and you noticed reddened skin caused from the friction and rubbing of the ropes.

You winced, unable to see him in such pain. Sadly, you looked into his cloudy eyes. Simon had withstood this on his own accord, he had chosen to go through this before any of you. Your weakened heart brought tears to your eyes as you kneeled before him. He stopped struggling against the ropes when his eyes were able to focus. The veil in his mind parted and his reaction was that of a human again.

You looked at him, with eyes unclouded and clear. He was able to see the reflection of himself in them. He felt before he saw, your outstretched hand coming near his face and delicately tracing the faint tearstains on his cheek. For a fleeting moment erasing the aching.

You both knew he couldn't hold on for much longer. Still without speaking, you placed a hand on his chest, over his faint heartbeat and tried to smile as your other hand entwined with his fingers. Simon couldn't give you anything but gentle eyes, a last effort at an affectionate gesture. The hands he wishes to stretch out and gather you in his arms, to hold you. A memory of once embracing you. To reach out desiring for touch and gentle lips that press kisses on skin instead of craving and sinking teeth into soft meat.

Your entwined fingers become undone and slowly his humane fades away.

[wendytestabrat]

another reason why kyle is obsessed with making sure cartman remains an asshole

ok so like we’ve talked alllllll about how kyle loves to keep cartman as an asshole bc he’s jealous of him and likes bringing him down a peg AND bc kyle likes using cartman as a pawn in his game to make himself look like the good one in comparison bc he’s a rlly shit person himself. BUT ALSO another reason that i feel like i haven’t touched on or just not as much is bc of kyle’s POSSESSIVENESS over cartman too. we’ve seen repeatedly how whenever cartman cuts kyle out of his life he can snatch up a bitch RLLY easily, which rlly goes to show how much of a chad cartman truly is and how much rizz he has. & i feel like kyle lowkey knows this already, he can sense that girls are actually EXTREMELY attracted to cartman (i mean maybe not in looks but at least in personality), bc i mean kyle is attracted to cartman himself so he gets it LOL. so honestly that’s probably been like one of the #1 reasons kyle has loveeeeeed keeping cartman toxic all this time (whether he consciously realizes it or not) and why in like seasons 1-3 he went out of his way to turn cartman into a monster and wore down his self-esteem over time by projecting all of his terrible traits onto him lol.

it’s also the reason why kyle constantly bitches at cartman to change and be a better person, yet when cartman actually does, he gets mad LOL. kyle knows damn well that cartman has it in him to be a good person and is really nice deep down (and we’ve talked abt how in seasons 1-3 cartman was actually a decent person with empathy 473837282382 times). that’s why he purposely tried to destroy that and made fun of cartman every time he showed his soft wimpy vulnerable side, and why to this day kyle is soooooo fixated on “fixing” cartman bc he knows he’s responsible for making him a monster in the first place lol.

and here’s the thing, kyle’s delusional ass truly believed that cartman being in a happy relationship was impossible. like when he saw cartman with heidi he was all shocked and couldn’t even process it. i love how in s21 when he was trying to sabotage their relationship even the other boys like stan & butters were telling kyle to stay out of it bc heidi just loves cartman and that’s that LOL. bc yeah even when cartman is at his absolute worst being an abusive piece of shit he still has likable qualities and the other boys know this so they didn’t rlly care nor question why heidi wanted to stay with him. and then in the future when kyle sees cartman as a rabbi happily married, his first instinct is to go, “cArtmAn iS jUsT mESsiNg wiTh mE,” as if the idea of cartman building a normal, happy life is so out of the question that it has to be a trick. but the truth is kyle has known all along that cartman can actually be a pretty likable and charming person, and that’s exactly why he’s kept cartman toxic for so long. he was just mad and shocked that his plans to convince everyone cartman is this irredeemable monster and gaslight the wholeass school abt it didn’t work and that there happened to be a girl who could see through cartman’s soul and want to be there for him and help him.

kyle’s obsession with keeping cartman toxic is a subconscious thing he does bc he doesn’t want cartman to become a better person than him, so he can keep cartman allllll to himself and loyal to him and the other boys. i swear stan & kyle both act like they’re these two amazing dudes who are just being friends with cartman to do him a favor bc they feel bad for him, which is complete bs. they obviously need cartman wayyy more than he needs them (hence why cartman can make friends outside the group pretty fast with characters like butters, tweek, and clyde) which has been shown REPEATEDLY. but mainly kyle likes keeping cartman toxic bc he’s in love with him & he doesn’t want cartman to leave his side for someone else bc kyle is lonely af and no girl wants to be with him bc of how annoying and crazy he is LOL. that’s why kyle’s worked sooo damn hard to make sure cartman hates girls as much as he does, like how the two of them would both tease stan in the early seasons for liking wendy (and then later teased kenny for being with tammy too), but yeah when cartman moved on from kyle easily and got a girlfriend just like that 🫰🏼 it rlly showed how all this time KYLE was actually the selfish terrible toxic one who’s bad with women NOT cartman lol.

i also love that subtle moment in “the list” when kyle is all like “who tf cares what the girls think abt our looks” and then cartman backs him up and is like “kyle’s right screw it we have better things to worry about” that says A LOT how cartman & kyle were the only ones who didn’t give a shit abt the girls’ list BUT ALSO how much kyle had cartman under his control over this shit, it shows how whenever kyle would trash women or show disinterest in them (either bc he’s gay or bc he knows he could never be with a girl bc he’s such a toxic loser) cartman felt like he had to join in on that lol. but yeah u can tell that all the way back in s11 cartman still had a little more enthusiasm for girls than kyle did bc cartman got all hooked on the list drama right away when he devised that plan to steal it from the girls lol, AND ALSO the fact that kyle got sooo upset when cartman was ranked above him too and let cartman’s teasing get to him about how ugly & unattractive he is (even tho kyle clearly ain’t ugly), is more evidence that shows how much kyle knows damn well cartman is lowkey attractive AF and can snatch up a bitch easily if he wanted to lol.

[ross-theartist]

Intro for blog

Hey there! I’m Cele! But you can also call me Ross! I’m an animator and a traditional and digital artist.

She/Her [Fully a silly girl]

CEO of Zoss (Ross x Zip), Skull x Kat, Toyweathergambler (Goob x Ace x Gigi) Embmars, and Monster killer!

FANDOMS IM IN

FPE

Murder Drones

Fnaf

FNF (Back in my phase again-)

Eddsworld

Pokémon

Bad Parenting

Gravity Falls (Also back in my phase)

Ramshackle

Rise of the TMMT

Mouthwashing

Dandy’s world

More that I forgot to list that I can’t remember

I love to draw digitally and traditionally, so I’m both!

AUs I have made!

If Ross Died (IRD)

My Swap Fpe Au (Ross’s swap)

Our Little Fun Circus (OLFC)

Five years later Au(5Y) (5Y is still in the making)

Go follow my Pookies!

@ryxnsx

@kiya-buggie

@hi-imlilac

@victorialovesskittles

@revevoire

@lycanloc

@theswedishcatlord101

@excitedoflife

@3dward-th3-s1lly

My online child: @kiya-buggie

Socials that are me

Twitter: @Mars_Daplanet

Pinterest: @ThatOneZipLover_Ross

Roblox: @alecxxxboy, display is Ross

Uhh.. here’s a dead acc I have if you care

Cele from CapCut

CELE’S LIKES

Drawing

Sometimes teases friends (only lightly)

Friends (both mutuals and irl)

music

Odetari

Sharks

turtles

Asteria

9lives

Sometimes like talking about politics that I know

history

science

CELE’S DISLIKES

Bullying

Pedos

R@pist

NSFW (like wtf-)

People talking abt bad about a politic that isn’t even true (do research please!)

People talking bad about our lord and savior (Jesus Christ himself, the goat)

I’m a Asexual + Straight Ally

I’m a Christian who is a multi-shipper. Incase you don’t know what a multi-shipper is, a multi-shipper is someone who ships more than one thing in a fandom. For example: Zipward. I ship Zipward but I also ship Zipclaire, Edward x Engel, Bubble x Zip- you get the

Edit: I’m starting to not ship Zipward anymore but I still respect the ship

Now let me show you my ocs and who they are..

ROSS: A 16 year old girl and pansexual, she’s also part of the bullies (along with Roxer, Abigail, and more ocs that are part of the bullies that are friends with me). She’s in a relationship with Zip (OC x canon real!!) and is related to Mars as they are cousins. Ross works for Kyle as she was tricked by him. As there are ups, there are downs about her. She has done SH! on herself because of her depression, but she’s getting better as she is healing.

MARS: A 17 year old who is bisexual, he’s a junior and maybe the only surviving junior in this school for all he knows. He’s a dog shark that’s is very welcoming and friendly. He is in a relationship with Ember (side oc), I mean he’s a good doggie so yeah I can see why Ember be smooching his doggie ahh-

KYLE: A 19 year old shark boy whose attitude is not welcoming. There is a reason why he’s like that, his parents were killed by scientists that wanted to test on him, and he saw the whole thing at the age of 7-9 years old. Kyle escaped at the age 12-14 after learning a way out. He lived in the forest throughout his teenage years. He’s now a killer/assassin that forces Ross to help him out with his dirty work to kill the remaining scientists. But he’s in a relationship with Divine (side oc that will be part of the mains).

VUNET: The son of the sun that was placed on earth to protect it from any harm. He has befriended the main crew, including Kyle. (The sun father told Vunet to not always befriend everyone because they can hide secrets…) But Kyle treats him harshly like they are rivals. Vunet is not stronger than Kyle as Kyle is way more experienced in combat.

KAT: A 15-16 year old bisexual dinosaur girl who has the perfect grades as she always aces them! She’s in a relationship with Skull. (I just realized that Vunet got no beaches, that’s a fat L) Anyways she is very kind and sweet to everyone so don’t be shy to talk to her!

I have more but they are my side ocs.. so yeah🎸 THATS ALL FOR NOW

Little reminder that God loves you ✝️

He will never leave your side <3

I MAKE FUN OF MY DEPRESSION AND IT COPES ME :)

[cringelordofchaos]

Tolkien Black headcanons !!!!!!

Tw for multiple mentions of getting shot

Non-binary + romantically attracted to girls (based on Tupperware character description), pronouns - he/they

A bit of a Math+physics nerd + one of the best students in class (Cartman canonically cheats off of them on tests sometimes)

Has a really healthy and wholesome relationship with their parents + they sometimes either intentionally or unintentionally embarrass him in front of his friends but all in good fun (think of Ninjago Jay's relationship with Ed and Edna for reference)

Bit of a complicated relationship with Nichole (canon but i forgot in which episode it was said, but Nichole told Cartman that she and Tolkien are having some issues in their relationship? But it's not any of Cartmans business) (though he loves her and they even canonically have a picture of them together in his room)

Best friends with Craig, Clyde's a close second

Already mentioned it in my Craig headcanons posts but before Craig got with Tweek he would joke about proposing to Tolkien in the future so he could live off of their and their parents wealth lmao

Most serious/realistic??? out of Craig's gang

Has a bit more goofy / derpy side but is mostly embarrassed by it

Voice cracks in the future come to be the death of him

TW TRAUMA + POLICE BRUTALITY - is still quite distraught from being shot in the arm by a cop (in South ParQ Vaccination Special? Or was it on The Pandemic Special?) and is still distraught from that time his parents were arrested for no reason (in TFBW, where they also constantly targeted him and treated him (a ten year old child) like a threat), especially since most their childhood, like all the other kids, they were told that cops are their friends they can trust! But now he knows he can't trust them and avoids them whenever possible

Friendly

Canonically likes basketball (I like to imagine they sometimes play with Kyle!)

Favorite colour is purple (NO WAYYYY WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHTTTTTT /s)

Canonically feels out of place sometimes because of their family being rich

Sometimes takes the role of "the mom friend" (idk why. based on vibes. screw me)

Cringe TikTok user (canon 😞)

Not too much of a nerd like his dad

Since they actually hate that their name is Tolkien (cuz they don't like JRR Tolkien's books) maybe they change it in the future? I don't know what to though (but sometimes likes Token better)

Kind of understandably tired of everyone's shit

Wendy once said "I've dated him before, he's really nice!" or something like that sooo I take it as canon

Hates Cartman and has every single right to do so (he threw a rock at their head, shot them, and is just a racist asshole all the fucking time to them 😭😭)

But wait - what I don't understand is that they said "all that dungeons and dragons shit is lame" but in the stick of truth (haven't played it, only saw like 2 scenes in it) they were fully on board with playing fantasy? Like -

"THANK YOU FOR THY MESSAGE, TRAVELER! I SHALL MAKE HASTE TO KUPA KEEP!" - that sounds pretty nerdy to me Tolkien. Maybe they DO like nerdy shit but are just embarrassed to be associated with it???????? Idk I'm starting to get confused. Tolkien hyper fans / analysts if you're out there please help me

Canonically plays bass and still has his bass guitar in his room as shown in TFBW

Good person that usually puts others before themselves (like when Cartman told him to "be the bigger person" and tricked him into going over to him and getting shot by him)(still stands his ground and doesn't let people walk over him)

On southparkstudios.com it was said they're good friends with kenny and share struggles related to income (opposite sides of the same coin) so maybe they hang out sometimes. that'd be kinda cool.

Cat person I've decided though I don't think he cares too much abt the dogs vs cats debate

Gifted + talented kid but sometimes might be a perfectionist with overtly high expectations for themselves???????? Idfk what I'm on dude

Good memory

Likes to roleplay

Can't tell if he prefers fiction or nonfiction cuz of stick of truth but also because of the whole hating his name thing Eufhfhfuufnceucb

Ermmmm i think that's it for now Byeeeee god im so cringe

[urmomsspeciallady]

Chapter Seven- i wish i could

talk to you - ricky montgomery

POV: Leopold "Butters" Stotch

I woke up to the abrupt ringing of the school bell and my head shot up. Groups of my classmates were rushing out the door, ready for our lunch break. I sit there blinking slowly as I watch the cluster leave one by one. Letting out a yawn, I get out of my seat and stretch. I find the room empty once my eyes properly adjust.

I presume, much like my classmates, Mrs. Garrison had left for her lunch the first chance she got. There were bookbags shoved under desks, even some leaning on sides of desks, and more toppled in the middle of the desk rows. A couple of desks had notebooks out, the others remained bare, as did mine. Catching a glimpse of my desk, I find a fault in my last statement.

A piece of folded paper sat atop the smooth wooden surface of my desktop. I pick it up and unfold it.

Hey Sleeping Beauty, I can hear your snoring. - K ;)

P.S. Ur in my group for the project. I'll c ya at lunch and tell u abt it.

I felt the blood rush to my face and hastily folded the paper up and shoved it in my pocket. I then begin briskly walking, out of the classroom and towards the cafeteria.

The halls were empty and classrooms were dark. To add to the ambience, my shoes made those clear crisp footfall noises with each step. After a while, my pace slowed back down. I could take as long as I needed to get to lunch, besides, I enjoy the quiet here. I walk in uninterrupted peace, for a moment before I feel a hand fall on my shoulder.

"Hey, Buttercup," My eyebrows furrow. Did he just- "Are you finally awake?" It's probably nothing.

I let out a small chuckle, "Not yet." Ken's face faltered for a bit, so I opted to fill the silence. "What's the project we got?"

Kenny began to explain that it was a group project. Our group was me, Kyle, Clyde, and him. Kenny continued explaining which book they chose and what the basis of the project was.

I could hear his words, see his mouth moving, but none of which I processed. Instead, what my focus stuck on was Kenny himself.

His body moved in a pace that matched mine as we walked alongside each other. His golden hair framed his face. His face. His hood had always used to be so big on him that it sheltered his whole face, but now the hood lay atop Kenny's head slightly slouched. Kenny's cheeks were littered with freckles, his thin lips were shaped perfectly, his right eyebrow had a slit, his nose was almost grecian, everything about him looked like something straight from a magazine.

I could tell he was expecting a response from me once I heard my name. I raised my eyebrows and brought myself back to reality.

"... Butters parents will care, they'll probably just be happy he's 'working harder on his studies'. If it's a no, that's okay too. Maybe we can go to Kyle's house."

"Of course! Yeah that's totally fine! …For the project, right?"

Kenny gave a fist pump, shortly adding "Yes! Sweet, thanks bro! Is four good?" I nod and after a moment of silence, Kenny speaks again. "Cartman has been acting.. You know, recently. I'd find it weird if he didn't try to sabotage our project somehow. For one, Kyle is in our group and you know how that goes. Then for some reason he's pissed at me. And he's always been a bitch to you. I'm not sure what his stance is with Clyde, I just know he hates about everybody in our class except for his girlfriend."

I take a deep breath and my shoulders fall. "Thanks for letting me know, Kenny. I'm just. Not sure what to do about it?"

Kenny gently nudged an elbow in my arm and gave me that toothy smile of his. "Don't worry Bunny, I've got you."

I feel myself grin, and I mutter a thank you as we now turn into the cafeteria. Weaving through the tables, we find ours. In it sat Stan and Kyle, following them were a few empty spots. Kenny took his seat next to Kyle as I sat in the space next to Kenny. Across from us were Tweek, Craig, and Tolkien. The only other occupants were Eric, who was given two spaces of distance between him and Tolkien.

The conversation we had joined in on was one that was hard to follow. Eric was yelling, Kyle was trying not to laugh, Stan was laughing, Craig had scoffed, Tolkien's head rested face down on the table, and Tweek was attempting to take a drink from his water. I turned to look at Kenny, who was now solemn and silent.

"Want to get in the lunch line?" I leant over to Kenny and he nodded, soon following me as I got up.

He pushed his hands deep into his coat pockets and swayed on his feet as we stood in line. We passed through the line, and once I got to the end, I slid up quicker. I typed my lunch pin in the keypad, once, then twice, and thanked the lunch lady. I step back, wait a few seconds until I see Kenny reach the end of the line. He exchanges a nod with the lunch lady and joins me as we walk back to the table.

"I'm.." He gives an exaggerated face and pauses. "I'm still surprised that school lunch is free now." I turn my face and sit in my seat, my only response being a slight chuckle.

"Fucking hell, man. That's nasty." Kyle's lip pulled up in disgust.

"And this is why no one likes you." Craig joined in. "One. Just one normal conversation with you. Is that so much to ask?"

"You guys are just lame, once I'm rich and you're not, you guys are going to be sorry." Eric retorted.

Tolkien, entirely fed up, says "I still don't think being an asshole is something you can get rich off of."

"Is too! My mom told me so."

Kenny spoke between bites of his sandwich, "Yeah then why do you still live in a hotdog."

Eric stood up. "I am so done with this bullshit." Everyone glanced at one another, not a single one of them seemed shocked. "Screw you guys, I'm going home." He grabbed his lunch tray and stormed out of the room.

After taking a bite from his lunch, Craig deadpans. "He'll be back by next period."

----- end of chapter

< previous ~ next (coming asap!) >

[cheelduh]

How to Not Kill a Ginger (High School Au!)

Part 5 to the series hehehe

Parts: 1 2 3 4

Pairing: Childe x fem!reader

Synopsis: Childe’s stomach stirs when you take care of him, and he’s not sure if it’s because of his major crush on you or just plain old diarrhea.

Warnings: Swearing. Graphic descriptions involving the true idiocy of teenage boys.

Words: Abt 2.6k

Note: Sorry I sort of half assed this. I have big ideas for the next part tho ✨😮‍💨

If there's one thing you're sure of, it's that Teucer knows how to throw one hell of a tantrum.

Him and his brother, Anthon, under your watch, manage to get into a petty squabble that's been airing for the last fifteen minutes. You've done everything, from offering candy to promising an extra hour on the switch, but your efforts do not bear fruit.

What did you tell Childe again? Oh yeah, that babysitting kids was a breeze. Apparently it's not a breeze. Maybe something more like a shart. A chunky, messy one at that.

"Listen dude," You reason to Anthon, the oldest of the bunch gently. "Where did you hide his toy?"

Anthon sticks a tongue out at you, and you nearly cry at the intensity of the insult. "Not telling."

Your patience runs thin.

"C'mon Anthon," Tonia lectures from her chair on the table like the godsend she is. "Just give him his toy back. You're being so annoying." She's taking the words right out of your mouth.

"Not until he apologizes!" Anthon crosses his arms, huffing. "He ate my cheese string!"

"There are more cheese strings!" You exclaim, opening the fridge to prove your point. "I'm sure Teucer's sorry for taking yours. Just pick another one."

"But it's not the same! He took the last cheddar and mozzarella one, now there are only mozzarella ones left." He speaks in between Teucer's wails. You wonder if this is a daily occurrence.

Tonia sighs, gets up from her chair, and hands the eldest her cheese string. "Just take this and give him his toy back."

Almost immediately, Anthon reaches a hand behind the tv table and pulls out the miniature Mr. Cyclops, then throws it point blank at Teucer's feet.

Teucer wails louder.

You pinch the bridge of your nose, shoulders sagging under the stress of being a temporary teenage mother.

Then you take a deep breathe, voice booming over Teucer's cries, Anthon's grumbling, and the clicking of Tonia's tongue. "Let's make a cake!"

Everything in the room stills. Even Teucer's loud cries comes to a halt, and he inhales so sharply that the streak of snot over his lip goes right back into its origin.

You wince inadvertently.

"Poggers!" Anthon cheers, and his siblings join in, laughing and clapping in excitement.

Tonia's eyes widen in confusion when she briefly pauses from her rally. "Wait a minute. What are we celebrating? We can't bake a cake for no reason! It won't taste nearly as good."

Everyone stops to ponder.

Then you snap your fingers in realization, and the kids huddle around you. "How about a 'get well better' cake for your big brother?"

They erupt in cheers again, but you shush them gently, wink an eye for extra measure. "We have to be quiet! He won't get better if we wake him."

The three nod in understanding and begin shushing each other, failing to conceal their giggles.

As you watch them making their way into the kitchen, bounce in their steps, you can't stop the warm smile that reaches your eyes.

That smile soon becomes a frown of horror when Anthon cracks an egg over Tonia's head.

-

The cake is not half as bad as you thought it would be initially. Between mixing the ingredients and ceasing the kids minus Tonia from being menaces to society, you were able to find middle ground.

Eventually Anthon found interest in finding ways to lick the batter whenever you turned around, and Teucer found comfort in your left leg, latching onto it as if it were a life line.

Just like how Venti latches onto his stupid little bottle of wine disguised as a water bottle. Seriously, you’ve never talked to him sober, and at this point are afraid of what’s he’s like lucid.

Tonia had been the only one taking things seriously for the most part, except for the sprinkles-to-icing ratio. She drowned the entire cake in sprinkles, the mere sight adding on the ghost of an ache in your teeth.

It looks like twilight sparkles took a fat dump on it.

"Okay besties," You inwardly curse yourself for giving into Gen-Z vocabulary as you brush your hands on the apron. "I think we've done a pretty decent job."

"It looks so pretty!" Tonia grins widely, eyeing the edible pearls she strategically placed. She quickly strikes down a finger Anthon tried to poke into the icing, with the accuracy of a true warrior.

You shudder at the thought of Childe teaching her how to stab someone with safety scissors.

"Can we add candles?" Teucer asks, but Tonia clicks her tongue in distaste.

"It's not a birthday cake." She crosses her arms judgementally. The power in her glare reminds you of La Signora, strangely enough.

You ruffle his copper coloured locks anyways, and his grip on your thigh tightens. "We can add candles if you want Teucer."

He nods his head and snuggles deeper into the side of your leg. Your heart warms up considerably.

After the candles are poked in, you try to shrug him off. "C'mon dude, just for five minutes. You don't want me to drop the cake before your brother can get a bite do you?"

Reluctantly, he obliges, and runs off to help Tonia collect utensils to take up to Childe's room.

Anthon's on door duty, kicking away any toys that serve as obstacles in your way like a professional soccer player.

Once you four make it up the stairs in front of the designated room, Anthon doesn't bother knocking. He barges in like he owns the place, chin up high and a signature smirk on his face that he probably learnt from his older brother.

Childe fumbles awake, kicking the air whilst in shock by the chaotic sound of the door hitting the wall and Teucer screaming "Happy Birthday!" at the top of his miniature sized lungs as he runs in to plop right on top of his older brother.

His bewildered expression soon turns into something of a loving smile as he begins to process what is happening, eyes lighting up despite the deep bags that frame them.

Tonia places the plates on his side table, right next to the empty soup bowl you placed there earlier. She climbs up onto the bed as well to join in on the hug.

Anthon approaches at last, hands in his pockets as he coolly acknowledges his older brother. Instead of a bone-crushing hug like the other two are indulging in, his opts for a fist bump that Childe happily reciprocates.

Then finally, between the shield that are his siblings, his cerulean eyes land on your near the doorway, then trail down to the cake in your oven-mittened hands. He averts his gaze back to your own, and grins so wide his cheeks start to throb.

"Big brother! We made you cake." Teucer moves his head from his chest to face him. "So you can get better."

Childe's laughs ring in your ears, but you don't shy away from the sound. It's a pleasant, something that you wish to hear more of in the near future. Sure enough he laughs a lot at school, but the genuineness of it at home, surrounded by his siblings, stirs something deep within you.

"How thoughtful of you." He ruffles his hair, then his eyes widen as he ushers the two off of him. "You guys can't be near me! I don't want you to fall ill as well."

"But-but how will we feed you the cake without getting close to you?" Tonia frowns, and her two brothers nod in unison.

You chuckle lightly, approaching the bed with the cake in your hands. "I'm sure he has enough strength to feed himself. The hugs and kisses surely must've energized him."

To be honest, Childe's all green in the face and the last thing on his mind would be to indulge in the cake. You understand the feeling all to well. With his nose clogged up, throat all sore, there's no way he'll stomach it. It took a lot of nagging on your part to get him to finish the soup earlier as well.

He blows the candles anyways, clapping along his siblings and letting Tonia drop a fat chunk of the golden cake onto his plate. You find it endearing, regrettably so. His dedication to keeping their dreams is admirable in more ways than you can count.

This is the same guy that wears meme shirts to school, topped off with douchey sunglasses to give him a pristine vibe. The same guy that punches holes in walls like a Kyle. The very boy that flexes his toned biceps in-front of you during lunch time, successfully ruining your appetite.

"Wait a minute..." Childe inspects the cake closely, narrowing in on the candles. "Why is there an eleven?"

Teucer scratches his neck sheepishly. "Those were the only candles we had left."

After another short-lived laugh, Childe manages a bite as everyone stares in expectation, the sound of a tight crunch enveloping the room, making you grimace in secret. If Childe feels like puking out his guts right now, he's doing a hell of a job hiding it from his darling siblings.

You're glad nobody forces you to take a bite, or it would've been a double homicide right then and there.

Soon enough, one by one the children file out of the room, satisfied with their visit. The reality is that they don't want to miss an episode of backyardigans.

Once they leave, you approach him with a napkin. He gets the gist, spitting out the remnants of the cake you slaved over for about two hours.

"Colour me impressed." You snort, moving the cake aside so you can take a seat on the open space next to him. "How're you feeling?"

"Amazing." He exclaims, eyes red like a crackhead's, nose runny, with goosebumps kissing his pale skin. He sure does look...amazing.

"Cool." You say, abruptly getting up. "I'm gonna vibe with the kid—"

His hand shoots out from underneath the blanket, clammy palms wrapping around your wrist to keep you locked in place. You gulp in anticipation.

"You kissed me." Childe reminds you, eyes twinkling in mischief, a vicious grin plastered over his stupidly handsome face.

You try not to choke on your words. "You have circumstantial evidence at most." No attempts are utilized to pull away from him.

He raises a teasing brow, and you give in because the tension is thick. Thicker than the tension between Albedo and Kaeya when the latter shamelessly unzips his front to show more of his biddies. You have no idea why he hasn’t been dress coded yet.

"Fine." You snap out of your impure thoughts, and huff out, frustrated all over. "I kissed you on the cheek."

"Still a kiss though."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes. Also, cute nails." He points out, hand moving down to grasp your fingers. The act is intimate, his caress gentle and caring. Despite his brash, violent personality, he shows you a completely different side to him that hatches butterflies in your stomach.

"Thanks." You show off the bright jewels on your index. "You have a real nail technician in the house."

Tonia has some serious talent.

When he taps one of the jewels, you slap his hand away. "Careful there dude. These cost me a fortune."

His chuckles die down and he smiles again, but this time apologetically. "They didn't trouble you too much did they? I know they can be loud."

"I like loud." You answer him truthfully. "They're fun to be around. Not nearly as chaotic as you."

He blinks in mock offence, eyes narrowing shrewdly. "You come into my house, talk to my siblings, and have the nerve to insult me? Right after taking advantage of me?"

"If you don't shut up, I'll also have the nerve to rip you a new one." You reply dryly with the innocent curl of your lips.

"Bet."

You're about to lunge at him and scream a string of obscenities that no one has ever heard of before, but the Archons are listening and you don't want his siblings to grow up without someone to look up to. Wait a minute—scratch that. You'd be doing them a favour if you wiped his existence right here and now.

You have a fragile heart though. So you sigh, and grab a fistful of sheets in both hands instead.

Childe's grin turns into a petrified scowl.

"Oh no," He pleads, weakly fighting you back. "Have mercy! Please!"

You have loads of mercy. Just not enough for him.

When you have him wrapped in a successful bundle, Childe can’t help but beam, laying limp in his confines.

“What are you smiling about?” You inquire, pulling out the medicine from his box, pausing momentarily in shock. “Wait a minute, don’t tell me you’re into these things you freak.” Head snaps up so fast you nearly suffer from whiplash.

He’s about to answer you but his words turn into a fit of shallow coughs.

“I’m into whatever you’re into.” Childe’s shrug is nonchalant. “Even if that means I have to be tied up. Kinky by the way.” He winks, and you roll your eyes, cheeks flushing in embarrassment as you hold the spoon up. The dark reddish medicine swirls in deep hues.

“Shut up and open your mouth.”

“Girlie, I don’t think you understand how contradicting that statement is.”

You momentarily wonder if it’s too late to abort yourself.

—

Childe awakens at the crack ass of night, sweat slick, sticky all over, tousled hair sticking to his forehead. He’s a panting mess, eyes darting around the dark room, inhaling, exhaling, mind in a haze from the fever. Gaining somewhat of a grip on reality, he fumbles around to turn on his lamp, throat parched and in need of water.

When he manages to find the switch, he recoils at the brightness, adjusting to the sudden change in his vision. On his side table, there’s a bologna sandwich tucked safely in plastic wrap, a glass of room temperature water, and a bottle of painkillers.

His eyes disregard most of the things, finding interest in the bright pink sticky note next to the painkillers. Unable to ignore the dryness of his throat and the pounding of his head, he quickly gulps a pill down with most of the water, instantly feeling the relief of hydration.

Then, he pounces on the note, giddiness overtaking him despite the pang in his muscles, and the general feeling of absolute shit.

I had to leave. Don’t worry about your siblings, they’re all tucked in and fine. Except for Anthon maybe. Apparently he’s mildly lactose intolerant and thought it was a good idea to overdose on chocolate milk when I was busy with Teucer. Anyways, get better soon stupid.

— Y/N

He safely tucks the note under his pillow, edges of his lips turned upwards, warmth flooding his veins when he takes another look around his surroundings.

The room itself is cleaned, floor cleared from the initial clutter and the cool shiny collector’s knives he buys off of Amazon safely hung over the wall, not littered on his desk like they usually are.

The homework he was supposed do, but most likely wouldn’t, is already completed, stacked neatly atop each other.

Childe swears his heart bursts in his chest, exploding into tiny particles that overheat his entire body.

There’s no way in hell a few days worth of homework is gonna bring his failing mark up, but then again it’s the thought that counts.

While the sandwich is catered to his nausea, bland and plain for easy digestion, an easy fill, it’s the best meal he’s ever had in his life.

[vic-chaos]

ALRIGHT guys, I rewatched and I’m back to expand on my last post with some extra thoughts….

The more I think abt the ending (especially now that I’ve cycled through the stages of grief and my emotions are settling down lmao) I am more ok with it….. I think with luck, if they handle it well in the next season, that it could even be a necessary step towards mending their relationship, which in reality has been having trouble since assburgers/you’re getting old.

((I have to say some negative things about style for a second, so pls skip rest of this paragraph if that will upset you!!)) Since over the years they’ve all disliked or fallen out with Cartman on and off, and it was established none of them have any issues with Kenny currently, I think the biggest rift is actually between Stan and Kyle, who up until now have almost always been a united front. IMO I think it traces back to Kyle never really apologising for the way he dropped Stan when his depression got really bad in assburgers and seeming to lose interest in him since then, while at the same time still getting annoyed when Stan doesn’t automatically back him up on everything. Since then they’ve been having a bunch of conflicts never get properly resolved…. I don’t think he ever expected that Stan would get fed up with him too though, and he seemed genuinely shocked to hear it each time. But maybe it will be better in the end for it to actually get addressed head on? Like you can’t solve a problem if you don’t acknowledge it’s there and all that,, and its unlikely things would have improved if it was just ignored. The main 4 are all best friends but style were Super Best Friends, so if they’re gonna go back to being close they have a unique problem to solve…

But ok moving on, I think its really cute that Cartman was the one trying the hardest to keep them together (he loves his friends!!! 🤧) and he actually has been trying for a long time too, he was the first person to point out that they were drifting apart in the amazon/bike parade episodes with this scene:

Its funny in a way too because he’s been going through some REALLY good character development recently, and he’s come so far to be able to openly tell his friends he cares about them and wants to fix their friendship, putting other people’s needs before his own, but its all coming at the wrong time jsdmsndsnd….. I’m really like, it took Cartman 30 years to develop the ability to initiate an emotional connection and now its gonna make no difference!!?? The miracle of it alone should be enough to bring them back together LMAO

I am proud of him though 🤧 it’s good… its good. I’m glad to see him showing more genuine empathy and care for others.

I’m just gonna make a little side note to say the kenman in the vaccination special made me yell even more on the second watch jsdjsjdsd they love each other!!!???? 😭 Not just them being assholes doing pranks together at the start, but Cartman was the one Kenny spoke to in private about his concerns, and he was also the one most concerned with Kenny’s feelings and trying the hardest to keep him happy for the rest of the ep too (even if he wasn’t going about it in a great way sjdjsds)

All things considered and also since I am sure they will reunite eventually… I’m curious to see what will happen in the next season and if they’re going to actually explore all of this stuff?? It would be really good to have some character development for Kyle especially since there’s a lot of things he does (the hypocrisy etc.) that I dont think he even realises are bad. But I hope they will realise in the end that they love each other no matter what 🥺

But the fact that we have to wait like 6 months or more now and have to just live with this ending until then, i-

[neerasrealm]

I am enabling you

BAND AU BAND AU. SO GLAD I GET TO WRITE ABT THIS YEEEEEEE i kinda lost motivation towards the end but dfvsdgfhsd its fiiiiine. i got a couple more ideas for this au so...expect a couple more fics?? maybe??

Jason wasn’t sure if he could call the room a ‘practice room’. It felt more like a lounge. The walls were checkered with soundproof foam in places, as was the floor. There were also a lot of things hanging up on the walls. Posters of various rock bands and cult classic movies, all framed of course. The room was littered with instruments. Guitars, basses, a keyboard, a drumset, microphones- any instrument one could need, it was there. But there was also a lot of comfy furniture. Bean bags, a couple armchairs that had been dragged out of the trash, and of course, the old reliable sofa. It was stained and the springs were starting to break, but it was comfy, and Jason was quite happy lounging across it. He kicked his foot calmly in time to the beat of the music quietly playing from his boyfriend’s record player. He sighed and glanced over at the boyfriend in question. His name was Zalgo, and he had copper-brown skin and fluffy brown hair that was dyed red at the tips. Tattoos swirled up his arms and another stretched across his neck. He was covered in piercings too. His ears, his nose, a couple on his eyebrows, even a snakebite on his lower lip. His eyes were closed, and he was lounging in a big bean bag, a weed joint clenched between his teeth.

‘’They’re late again.’’ he murmured. 

‘’Nnh?’’ the joint flicked upward as Zalgo grunted. 

‘’The girls. We were supposed to have a practice session,’’ he looked down at the watch on his wrist. ‘’Twenty minutes ago.’’ 

‘’Mmmh…’’ Zalgo shifted in the bean bag, then abruptly jumped up in a startlingly quick movement. He stretched and groaned, then pulled the joint out of his mouth, smacking his dry lips. He looked over at Jason. He was wearing contacts again. These ones were golden and bright, and accentuated how...alluring, his gaze could be. His mouth curled up into a small grin. ‘’Just means more time for you and me.’’ he murmured as he walked slowly over to the couch where Jason sat. The redhead smirked at him as he leaned down toward him. 

‘’...You’re getting old.’’ Jason murmured before shoving Zalgo’s face away. The other man groaned and swatted at him before breaking into laughs. 

‘’I am not! I am just as cool and as sexy as senior year! Girls love me!’’

‘’You’re gay, Zalgo. And almost thirty.’’

‘’Hmph.’’ Zalgo puts his hands on his hips, pouting. Jason looked him over for a long moment. Zalgo had certainly kept his style from highschool. He wore a loose cut black tank top with a metal band’s logo on it. The neck was low, exposing his collar and the necklaces he wore around his neck. He was also wearing black ripped jeans with a studded belt with chains hanging off it. Almost every finger on his hand was decorated with a ring shiny ring. He was attractive, and carried himself with a confident flare only he could pull off. Jason could never pull that off. Showing so much skin, playing with makeup- it wasn’t his thing. He stuck with classic jeans, button-ups and ties with sneakers. Simple, yes, but it worked for him. And somehow Zalgo thought he was handsome enough to have dated him for over ten years. Jason smiled a bit and settled back in his seat.

‘’Do you...want to sit down?’’ he asked slowly. Zalgo looked down at him and grinned. He moved to lay down beside Jason, but the redhead put his hand on his chest and stopped him. ‘’...give me the joint first.’’ 

Zalgo huffed and rolled his eyes. He handed his boyfriend the joint and lay down, snuggling up against Jason as he took a drag of the joint. He sighed out, smoke blowing from his mouth. Zalgo looked up at him, watching him calmly. He reached up and caressed the other male’s jawline. ‘’...anyone ever tell you you’re fucking beautiful?’’ 

‘’No, my mother didn’t love me.’’ 

‘’PFFFFFT-’’ Zalgo wheezed loudly, bursting into loud cackles of amusement. Jason smiled and laughed gently. They were so distracted with just laughing on the couch like a couple of stupid dumb teens that they didn’t hear the front door being opened. They did however, hear it being slammed shut without warning, and it scared Zalgo so bad he fell off the couch with a yelp. The two stared at each other as they heard voices in the front hall downstairs. Zalgo grinned and rolled over onto his stomach, listening intently to the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs toward them. Zalgo skittered across the room and pressed himself against the wall beside the door. 

Jason took a drag of the joint and watched the door, which was quickly and violently kicked open.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS UP KYLE?!" 

He blew smoke out of his mouth. "Hello Natalie." He greeted calmly. Natalie was a short girl, with long caramel hair and tanned skin. Her eyes were bright and green, and she grinned wide at him. She was dressed in a denim jacket that hung off her shoulders, along with a white Guns N' Roses t-shirt and ripped navy jeans. As she waved her hands excitedly Jason could see the watch around her wrist glint in the light. A birthday gift he'd given her a few years ago.

"There you are!" Zalgo lunged out from behind the door and yanked his niece into a tight bear hug. She squealed and battered her fists against him, making the both of them giggle. Jason glanced over at the door and noticed a girl he'd never seen before, standing there looking around anxiously.

She had curly ginger hair and wore a simple green jacket with denim jeans. She was shorter than Natalie, who was short enough for a seventeen year old already. When she caught Jason's gaze she smiled nervously and waved a bit. Her smile quickly dropped however when she noticed the joint in Jason's hand. He glanced at it, then reached over and snuffed it out in the ashtray on the end table beside him. Zalgo would probably be mad about him wasting good weed later, but he didn't really care. 

"This a friend of yours, Natalie?" The redhead asked as he sat up on the couch. 

"This is Alice." Said a tall girl as she walked into the room and leaned against the doorway. Her name was Jane, and she was Natalie's girlfriend. She had dark skin, decorated with paler splotches in random places. She wore a long black dress with a leather jacket, fishnet gloves and tights, and platform boots that made a satisfying 'clunk' noise when she walked. Her hair was done up in braids, which were tied up in a pseudo ponytail. And she was also munching on a teacake that she'd definitely stolen from the kitchen. Jason glared at her.

"I told you to ask before taking those, y'know." He muttered. Jane shrugged and watched Natalie stumble out of the tight hug she'd been suffocating in. She turned to Alice with a grin and lunged over, slinging an arm over the smaller girl. 

"This is Alice!" She said again. "She's part of the drama club in school. Really good singing voice!" She turned to the ginger girl. "Right? You're an amazing singer!"

"U-Um-" Alice rubbed at her arm anxiously. "I'm not...that good…" she mumbled, her head lowering. Jason softened as he looked at the poor, nervous girl. 

"Nice to meet ya, Alice." Zalgo said gently. He walked over and crouched down, holding out his hand for her to shake. Alice stared at his arm.

"Your tattoos are so cool-" she blurted. She immediately slapped her hands over her mouth, wincing. Zalgo chuckled.

"Why thank you! I'm pretty proud of em myself." He said with a warm smile. "So you're Nat's friend?"

"I...guess," Alice rubbed at her arm again. "She uh- she said she wanted me to...join a band…? I-I dunno if I'm really cut out for that…"

Natalie shook her head and clamped her hand down on her shoulder. "Alice, I already told ya, your singing is incredible bro!" She leaned down and grinned at her. "Uncle Zalgo knows eeeverrryyythinggg about music. You just gotta impress him and you're in the band."

Alice looked at Zalgo. "You're...uncle Zalgo…?" She asked quietly, sounding even more scared. Zalgo nodded and stood up.

"Sure am." He gestured over at Jason. "That's Jason, by the way. He has a huge crush on me and sleeps in my bed. It's super embarrassing."

"Hey, you came out to me." Jason growled. Zalgo laughed. 

"It's...nice to meet you, sirs." Alice murmured. Jason looked at her and smiled gently. He sat up on the couch so the others could sit down. Zalgo obliged, flopping himself down next to him with a soft grunt. Natalie was quick to join them, sitting on Zalgo's other side while Jane occupied the arm of the chair. That left Alice...standing in front of them. Like she was being judged. It reminded her eerily of an audition.

"How old are ya?" Zalgo asked with the tilt of his head. Alice fidgeted. 

"Erm- fifteen." Zalgo looked at Natalie and arched a brow. Alice coughed. "B-But um- I've been singing since I was seven." She added. Zalgo gave a nod.

"Alright...think you can demonstrate?" He asked. Alice glanced away anxiously and he smiled a bit. "C'mon, you can't be any worse than Jason."

"Rude."

"I like Jason's voice." Jane piped up. Jason smiled.

"Thank you, Jane, you're the only person here who shows me any kindness…"

"Hey! I bring home pizza for you!" Zalgo said, pouting.

"You work at Pizza Hut, Zalgo. You get that stuff for free." Jason replied sternly. Alice laughed a little bit at the two of them. Jason turned back to her and smiled. 

‘’So what style of music do you do?’’ he asked. Alice’s eyes widened.

‘’Oh- mostly showtunes, broadway stuff.’’ she replied. Jason nodded. She felt a bit more relaxed now. It just….felt like an audition. She’d done those dozens of times before. ‘’I can sing Defying Gravity- from uh- Wicked?’’ she suggested. 

‘’Go ahead, girl.’’ Zalgo replied, leaning back on the couch again. Alice nodded and cleared her throat. 

‘’Something has changed within me...something is not the same, I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game,’’ she hadn’t had a chance to warm up, and she winced at how her voice sounded. But when she looked at the others they didn’t seem to notice. ‘’Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep…’’ she took a deep breath, preparing herself for the high notes coming up. ‘’It’s time to trust my instincts...close my eyes...and leap.’’ 

‘’Stop.’’ Zalgo interrupted her. She stopped and looked at him, afraid. Had she failed the high note? Did her rusty voice really sound that bad…? ‘’You’re amazing girl!’’ 

‘’Wh-wha-’’

‘’Seriously! You sound like you could be on broadway!’’ Zalgo grinned wide at her as he spoke. Jason nodded in agreement. Nat hopped up off the couch and slung her arm around Alice’s shoulder again.

‘’So is she in?’’

‘’Well of course she’s in!’’ Zalgo stood up and thrust out his hand. ‘’Welcome to the band, Alice.’’

Alice smiled sheepishly and took his hand. ‘’Thanks...what uh- what do I get for being in it?’’

‘’Free music lessons and pop tarts. Plus vibing privileges.’’ 

‘’V-Vibing privileges…?’’ 

‘’You’re allowed come over whenever.’’ Jason explained. ‘’Though you probably have better things to do than hang out with two thirty year old men who do nothing but watch Netflix all day.’’

‘’Oh.’’ 

‘’Oh c’mon, we’re cool!’’ Zalgo pouted at him. ‘’In fact, I can prove it.’’

‘’Please don’t.’’ Jason murmured. Alice watched Zalgo scamper over to the corner of the room and grab one of the instruments. He held it up proudly. It was a red guitar, with two necks and a body cut into jagged shapes. He grinned and held it down to playing height, strolling back over to Alice. 

‘’Pretty sweet, huh?’’

‘’Oh my god do you have to show that thing to every guest we get?’’ Jason called irritably. Zalgo shot him a look. 

‘’How do you even play that…?’’ Alice asked in amazement. Zalgo smiled.

‘’Lots of practice and quick timing.’’ he replied, strumming a few chords. ‘’What instruments do ya play, girl?’’

‘’Oh uh- I- don’t. I just sing.’’ Alice glanced away nervously as she spoke. Zalgo arched a brow at her, surprised.

‘’I thought she’d be good for backup!’’ Natalie chimed in.

‘’I think she’d be good for my songs,’’ Jane added. ‘’Just like with Jason.’’ Zalgo nodded and looked at the ginger girl for a moment. He turned on his heel and put his beloved guitar down, then moved over to another part of the room and rummaged through a plastic bin he had laying around. 

‘’I know just the thing for you then,’’ he murmured. Alice looked surprised, until he stood up again and held up a tambourine. ‘’This is exactly what we’ve been missing, and it’s easy to learn!’’

‘’...oh.’’ Zalgo strode over and handed the tambourine to Alice. She looked at it for a moment, then shook it halfheartedly. He grinned and clasped his hands together.

‘’Perfect!’’ 

Jason sighed quietly and climbed up off the couch. He dusted his hands off and glanced at Nat and Jane. ‘’You guys hungry?’’ he asked. Zalgo shot him a look.

‘’Wait what happened to practice?’’ he whined. Jason rolled his eyes and walked over to the door.

‘’You already showed off your guitar, Zalgy. And I’m hungry.’’ Jason muttered. ‘’And I’m sure the girls are starving too.’’ he turned and looked at his boyfriend. He knew Zalgo couldn’t say no to him, not when he pulled out that nickname. He eventually sighed.

‘’Fiiiiine.’’

[couch-house]

Wow people like that anon are why we need to be more educated about manipulation via self-destruction. We all need to understand and know that if we constantly, repeatedly "make" someone feel bad enough to consider harmful actions just through TINY contradictions it might just not be us and we don't have to put up with all the stress, discomfort, depression, etc. that comes from it. And sometimes it's really obvious when it's manipulation, it's not NEVER an option.

exactly bro. i’m gonna do something real fun and talk about my abuser, who did this for years! under the cut

so im just gonna come right out and say it so i dont gotta give him an epithet every time, but his name was dibby/dib. he goes by a different name now i think but from what ive heard it seems like ppl r familiar with him by that name as well. w/e for his privacy i guess ill just leave his current name out of it. anyway i knew and was friends with/dated dib for about 7 years before we cut each other out.

ANYWAY dib had/has legitimate mental health problems, yes, but he also chose to use those problems as excuses for his manipulative and abusive behavior. dib had bipolar and would experience dramatic mood swings. unfortunate but normal and okay! if you experience mood swings and suddenly feel overwhelmed by sadness or anger, you probably know that, if you recognize this as a disorder, you should let the people around you know, tell them how you’re feeling, and do what you can to manage the situation.  dib would instead say “oh no i feel a mood swing coming. :( quick, distract me!” which, again is a clumsy but fair way to handle that, EXCEPT when it inevitably failed to cheer him up, he would blame us for failing, call us bad friends, insist we didn’t care about him, and isolate to only talking with his favorite person (for a while that was me). 

when dib got upset he would blow up, block me for days or weeks, and then later when he calmed down and felt lonely he’d add me back with some half-apology and assume everything was fine again. here’s a list i kept of things that upset him and had this result! it was called “things not to do”

tell dib when [his gf] is streaming

fail to tell dib when [his gf] is streaming

ask dib if it’s okay to do things

talk to him when he’s feeling antisocial

offer critique when it isn’t asked for

ask dib not to do something

talk to him in the tags (when not friends)

spam things he doesn’t like/isn’t involved in ((the relevant examples are bug blogs, bunnies, and the pbs kids show arthur. not because they trigger him, just because he doesn’t like them))

talk about/mention people that are my friends that he doesn’t like

offer solutions when he just needs confirmation

make it about you

yeah. keep in mind every one of those bullet points corresponds to at least one time he either faked his own death or blew up and blocked me for a week.

the bigger problem though was his suicide ideation. dib had a pretty shit life and pretty shit mental health and unfortunately was legitimately depressed and suicidal. he needed help but, living in america, really couldnt afford it most of the time. this is okay. if you or someone you know is unable to get medical health for depression or suicide ideation you know how hard it is to live with. sometimes there’s not a lot you can do and that person will Just Be Depressed an just Want To Die and theres not a lot you can do to help, even if you try your best. that of course, is not the problem with dib. 

the problem was repeatedly, starting i think when i criticized him for pushing everyone away by insisting no one cares about him and not putting any effort towards others, would make some vague allusion to feeling suicidal and abruptly log off and stop answering messages. this can be an okay way to deal with yourself if you’re upset BUT. THE NEXT DAY, after i frantically thought he was going to Attempt and repeatedly messaged him to try to deter him, check on him, ask if he was okay (he really just went to sleep, which again is fine), he decided to PRETEND TO BE DEAD.  he told his gf and maybe one other person he was alive but threatened them to stay quiet and pretend he was dead or he WOULD commit. so his gf at the time had to play along and all of us then-kids were freaking out that our friend had died, only for him to decide later that he’d had his fun and he could now announce “no i just logged off for a little bit :)”

he did this. many times. make some allusion to wanting to attempt then abruptly stop answering messages, knowing what people would assume. (this was one of the pieces of testimony i did not include verbatim in that rk post: i was told rk would do very similar things; part of why i thought the post was necessary. ive lived through the other side of that and i dont want ANYONE else to). i think two separate times that he did this, i was sent home from school early because i was crying so hard (my best friend let me think i was responsible for his death. he did this on purpose. he did this repeatedly. thats fucked up)

one time he posted a supposedly queued suicide note post! and all my friends were terrified he’d died! so i remember someone anonymously messaged kylee henke asking for advice, and i (who at the time he was mad at and had already blocked) got fed up with it (again because he’d done this so many times and i knew by now that there was no point in getting upset, he was just doing it for sympathy or attention or w/e) and messaged his mom on facebook asking her to check on him. he was fine, just like. crying in his room. also sidenote he got BIG MAD that someone told his mom and was posting when he was found out liek WHO TOLD >:( n i was like :)). bc bro if ur really abt to attempt i have an Obligation to get someone irl to check on you and protect you. but obviously you werent since this was like the 20th fucking time youve done this 🙃

he was a huge pizza shit for other reasons too but the main relevant one was that he would use his mental illness as an excuse for his deplorable behavior and blame others for things literally no one can reasonably do anythign about and then constantly and i DO MEAN CONSTANTLY use his own life and suicide ideation as a trump card.

anyway if you know someone who repeatedly threatens suicide or pretends to commit suicide by purposefully alluding to it before ghosting you, or posting a suicide note meant to blame others, you need to get out of there right now. that is not okay and you should not be dealing with that. ive taken years to get used to the idea that if i criticize my friends, they won’t kill themselves

[nogoodmox]

since it’s late n u guys have been so encouraging

i wanna preface this by saying....im not a Writer and this is pretty much the first wrestling-related thing i’ve ever written. also this was written at 3 am yesterday so pls keep that in mind ALSO it’s not very. romantic bc 1.) im not good with that stuff and 2.) it’s kinda covering the early stages of their relationship so they’re barely even friends yet! (this takes place right before war games!)

that being said thanks for being so nice abt it guys ur all the sweetest and i love u and i’m sorry this isn’t Better but constructive criticism would be appreciated! mwah!

Pete tapped his fist against his jaw in a needless effort to hype himself up.

The guaranteed brutality of his upcoming match didn’t faze him—brutality was his specialty, after all— but despite that, he couldn’t shake off an uncomfortable feeling.

Maybe it was the thought of having to rely on others for his victory, or maybe it was the thought of them relying on him. Neither were things that he was exactly used to.

He wondered, when the time came, if he would put himself in harm’s way for the sake of the others.

Pete thought of the last time he had relied on someone. It was ironic in a way, how the same person he had tentatively began to trust would be one of his opponents tonight.

He had never really thought of Roderick as a friend, just a sort of unavoidable ally. His eagerness had been irritating as was his general disposition, but Pete had chosen to put his trust in him. A choice he’d come to regret.

He liked to believe that the betrayal had made him all the more dangerous now. Not only could he use his desire for vengeance to his advantage, he’d also be sure not to make a mistake like that again.

Pete had operated just fine on his own for as long as he could remember. There were a select few times where he’d tried opening up, and each time he paid for it. It took a few experiences for the lesson to be drilled into his brain, but at least now there was no way he could forget it.

He should stick with what he knew best, and what he knew best was solitude.

Keep interactions short and bitter. You look out for one person, and that person is yourself. Everyone else is simply an obstacle or dead weight.

It was a philosophy he lived by, and one he truly believed in. There just happened to be times where he’d let it slip and thought maybe, just maybe, someone could be an exception. But they never were.

A steady knock on the locker room door disrupted his thoughts. A faint feeling of pain registered in Pete’s jaw as he realized he’d been tapping his fist against it this whole time. Before he could say anything, the door opened and Ricochet’s head popped in.

“You got a minute?”

Pete didn’t answer, he just raised an eyebrow when he noticed something in Ricochet’s hands. It looked like a tube of toothpaste.

Ricochet followed his gaze and held up the object, wiggling it in his hand. “Oh, this? Yeah, it’s kinda why I’m here, actually.” He walked up to Pete and held it out to him. Pete read the label, which only confused him more.

“White….face paint?”

The other man adjusted his North American Championship on his shoulder. “Yeah. Y’know, war paint for tonight. It was Hanson and Rowe’s idea. They figured we should at least look like a cohesive unit.”

“What’s the point of that?” Pete deadpanned. “Face paint won’t get us a win against Undisputed Era.”

Ricochet looked at a loss for a second, then sighed. “C’mon man. It’s to pump you up, get you excited to kick some ass. Plus it’ll look cool, yeah?”

Pete wasn’t very convinced, but he wasn’t in the mood to argue. He did admittedly like the idea of amping up the intimidation factor, not that he was going to tell Ricochet that. “Fine. Might as well fool people into thinking we’re a real team.”

“S’that supposed to mean? We’re a real team. Cole and his cronies are gonna see just how real we are tonight.” Ricochet declared, giving Pete a few taps on the chest.

Pete stiffened at the contact and glared at the highflier. Ricochet was someone who currently fell under the obstacle category in Pete’s eyes. He hadn’t forgotten the match where both their titles had been on the line. They never received closure, and Pete intended to change that next time they crossed paths in the ring.

He’d prefer for Ricochet to stay an obstacle rather than become dead weight.

“I’ve said it before, you’re just a guy carrying a piece of gold that I want. As for the other two, they’ve already got each other. We may be on the same side, but we’re not a team.”

The grin on Ricochet’s face weakened a bit. “Man do you like, practice this stuff in a mirror before you talk to anyone?” He chuckled at his own joke—was it a joke? The weight of Pete’s words didn’t seem to mean much to him, however, as he quickly bounced back. “Anyway, face paint, yes or no?”

“Sure.” Pete said.

“Great.” Ricochet tossed the tube of paint to Pete. “Doll me up.”

Pete barely caught the tube in time. He whipped his head up to face Ricochet, trying to make sure he had heard him correctly. “What?”

Ricochet had placed his title on the bench next to him and met Pete’s gaze expectantly. “What? I can’t put it on myself. There’s no mirror in here.”

“Then find one.”

“No can do.” He almost looked smug, as if he had planned this. “Bathroom’s closed for repairs, apparently Kyle and Bobby thought it’d be fun to flush Sullivan’s gear down the toilet. He caught ‘em in the act.” Ricochet let out a whistle. “It wasn’t pretty.”

Pete didn’t want to hear any more. For whatever reason, Ricochet was intent on sporting war paint, he might as well indulge him. After tonight, he could set his sights on what really mattered.

“Alright. C’mere.” Pete placed his championship on the bench opposite of Ricochet’s and squeezed some paint onto his fingers.

He lifted his hand only to pause suddenly, leaving it hovering in front of Ricochet’s face. “What’s their paint look like anyways?”

Ricochet thought for a moment. “It’s like…a V shape on each cheek.” He explained, tracing the motion over Pete’s cheeks with his finger. “Simple enough.”

“Right.” Pete grunted, doing everything he could to ignore the way his face had heated up. He pressed his fingers to Ricochet’s face and began painting the design, trying his best to keep his hand steady.

Pete came to a halt when Ricochet started giggling quietly. He gave him a strange look, pulling his hand away.

The other man took a moment to compose himself, then cleared his throat. “Tickles.” Came the simple explanation. Pete rolled his eyes and continued with his work, retracing the lines to smooth out the jagged edges.

He paused again to add more paint to his fingers, avoiding Ricochet’s gaze. Pete could feel the man looking at him and unconsciously tossed his head a bit to let his hair cover his face.

As Pete started on the other cheek, he noticed Ricochet hadn’t stopped staring at him at him, almost amusingly.

“What?” Pete finally asked, with a hint of challenge.

Ricochet seemed unbothered. “You’re just a lot more careful than I thought you’d be” He said, a little quieter than usual. It was unclear if the remark was meant to be teasing. It seemed sincere enough, but even if it was Pete wasn’t sure what the implications were.

Pete said nothing and averted his eyes again, finishing with a final swipe. “There.” He muttered. “All done.”

“Great! I’ll just have to trust that it looks good.” Ricochet reached up to touch his freshly painted face, then decided against it. “Alright, your turn!”

Pete froze, he hadn’t thought that far ahead.

He wasn’t particularly keen on anyone paying close attention to his face.

It was bumpy and weird; he knew this. Acne scars and uneven stubble were just the beginning of it. It was something he’d learned to accept, but he wasn’t exactly dying for others to get a good look at it.

Regardless, he knew Ricochet wouldn’t take no for an answer. If he had, Pete wouldn’t have just spent the past few minutes spreading paint on his face in uncomfortable silence.

Ricochet took the paint tube from Pete’s hands. “You mind uh…” He made a hair flip motion. “Getting that out of the way?”

Pete looked down at his hands, covered in white paint, and decided to go with option two. He swung his head to the side—a little too forcefully—and flipped the blond mess back. He was satisfied for a moment before it came toppling back down in his face.

It was times like this where he seriously reconsidered growing out his hair.

“I gotchu.” Ricochet intervened, looking even more amused than before. He tucked Pete’s hair behind his ear to keep it from coming loose again. “Sure got a lot of hair homeboy.” He commented.

“Guess you can’t relate.” Pete replied bluntly.  

Ricochet laughed out loud at that, almost too eager to make fun of himself. “Guess not.” He emptied what was left of the paint into his hand and got to work. Pete winced at the cold feeling, trying not to pull away. “But you know,” Ricochet continued. “The lack of hair could be the secret to my speed.”

Pete wasn’t fully sure if he was joking. “I reckon that’s why you got pieces missing in your eyebrows too?”

The highflier laughed again, this time not as loud, but a huge smile graced his face. “Man, you’re alright.”

Ricochet spread the paint on Pete’s cheeks with ease, moving just as smoothly as he did in the ring. Pete fought with everything he had to try not to break out into a fit of laughter. Ricochet was right, the feeling made him ticklish. His lip curved upward in a smile that he quickly pushed away.

“All set.” Ricochet finally announced, looking proud of his work. Pete didn’t doubt that the man had probably done a better job than him. “Now we look like a force to be reckoned with.”

Pete held couldn’t help but soften his expression a bit. He felt cool, and far more relaxed than earlier. Once again, he wasn’t going to tell Ricochet that, but he appreciated the feeling. “If painting faces keeps you from screwing up tonight, then so be it.” He replied with a shrug.

Ricochet shook his head, and if Pete didn’t know any better he’d say he was annoyed. “You never quit do you? Y’know we can do this whole rivalry thing without all the little remarks, yeah?”

“Cause make no mistake,” Ricochet’s tone grew serious. “I’m just as focused on that title of yours as you are on mine.”

The sudden change surprised Pete, but it didn’t faze him. After all, this was why he kept up his guard so high. He knew behind every person there was a set of intentions, and each interaction with him was a means of achieving them.

“I’m well aware.” Pete said evenly. “S’why I’m not buying this partner ruse. We’re not friends, and we never will be.”

Ricochet paused for a moment. “Just ‘cause you’re a future opponent, doesn’t mean we can’t be on the same page now. It’s no ruse, I’ve got your back tonight. I mean that.”

“Better to have your own back first.”

Ricochet lifted his hand to rub the back of his neck, looking unsure of where to go from there.

“You’re a tough nut to crack.” He said finally, leaning down to grab his North American championship. When he came back up, he was smiling again. “But I’m willing to prove where my loyalties lie out there. There’s no hiding in the ring.”

Pete eyed him for a moment, then nodded briskly. “That’s one thing we can agree on.”

“I’ve got another. We both wanna beat the hell out of those undisputed assholes, right?” Ricochet offered. “That snake Roddy’s gonna be out there tonight. If you ask me, you should focus on giving him the ass whopping he’s had coming instead of making enemies out of your partners.”

An odd silence followed his words. Pete didn’t know how to respond, and Ricochet’s intense gaze wasn’t making it any easier. In his heart Pete knew he had a point.

He was more than willing to take on all four members of the Undisputed Era himself, but he knew realistically he wouldn’t come out victorious. He needed Ricochet and the War Raiders whether he liked it or not.

Just one night couldn’t be so bad, right? Even if it involved putting his faith in other people. Ricochet had nothing to gain from betraying him. Hanson and Rowe, he wasn’t so sure, but considering how fixated they had been on the Undisputed Era for the past several weeks, it was unlikely.

Ricochet saved Pete from having to muster up an answer by reaching over and picking up his United Kingdom Championship. Pete’s eyes widened and he tensed up, ready to snatch it out of his hands.

There was no need to, however, as Ricochet placed it snugly on Pete’s shoulder.

He gave it a few pats, admiring the intricate design on the belt for several moments.

Ricochet took a few steps back, his own title sitting around his waist. “You look good.” He said finally. “Let’s do work tonight, mate.”

Pete’s partner tossed the now empty paint tube in his hand once, then turned to saunter off.

“Not your mate.” Pete replied in a half-hearted protest. He couldn’t see Ricochet’s face as he left the room, but Pete knew he was smiling.

“By the way, the bathroom’s perfectly fine. Just figured we could use a team bonding exercise.”

[gaymafia]

I’m legitimately curious why people didn’t like the last Jedi? I saw it and thought it was okay? Is there something I missed or? Like it wasn’t great but it was passable?

ok so i wasnt gonna do this here bc nobody fucking asked but u asked so thank u but also strap in ur ready for a while ride

TLJ spoilers, obviously. also my issues are going to be numbered in no particular order bc my thoughts on this movie are so fucking scrambled but here we go

1. Kyle Ron. First of all fuck Ryeanne for making me see so many goddamn closeups of Adam Driver’s ugly ass face. I did not need to see all that he is so goddamn ugly especially that fucking shirtless scene where he looks like a block of pasty ass pale wood.

But for real, Kylo Ren. I don’t actually take issue with his existence, because Kyle really does excellently represent rich ass white boys who have everything handed to them but throw a hissy fit when they face the slightest adversity an throw tantrums all the time. It’s nice to see a villain that represents most people real-life nightmares instead of like, a Sexy Temptress or Old Evil Man or whatever. That being said, kyle is not given the villain’s treatment in this movie. if you cut out all the scenes where ryan is not actively sucking adam driver’s dick and jizzing all over himself over kyle’s angsty white boy angst, the movie has virtually no real plot (”oh no we are in space with no fuel, nobody is going to do anything except get mad at each other, miscommunicate, and deliberately make all the characters of color worthless while separating Finn and Poe bc fuck the gays”). So much of the movie is spent not just establishing how kyle became kyle (which is good! backstory for villains is good!), but trying to get us to like, sympathize with him? which is the shitty part. I dont care that Luke “”””tried to kill”’’’ (he didn’t) kyle. kyle had turned to the dark side before luke’s mistake. kyle had a million and one chances to change his mind from the start of TFA to the end of TLJ, and he never did. Kyle is an evil guy. We need one of those. He’s a great evil guy bc he’s got so many shitty qualities. But ryin doesnt want us to hate kyle, even tho hes the villain. why the fuck doesnt reean want us to hate kyle? bc rayan is also a shitty little man who thinks giving ur white boy a sob story makes him a sympathetic villain and sidelining ur characters of color will help.

also again the fucking shirtless scene what the shit man that was so gross

2. Will be broken down into A, B, C, etc. bc TLJ treats its characters of color like SHIT. 

2A. Finn. Finn gets put in a coma bc why would anyone want to write anything interesting for john boyega its not like hes the MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN and the MOST TALENTED ACTOR who is being sidelined bc ryun hates black people. Yeah Finn is totally into Rey and he wants to save her and is willing to desert the rebellion for her. that happened in the first movie but why give your characters real arcs when you can recycle old ones to jerk off to kyle ron. the rose thing happens, shes like “we can disable the tracking” and like TWO SECONDS after he was dead set on desertion he’s totally down to risk his life for the rebellion at rey’s expense? that sure is a quick 180 with no real reason why and no writing to explain it! then there was the whole “separate finn and poe” thing ryain pulled for the shits and giggles.

2B. Rose. I was pretty chill with Rose, she had a dope backstory, her sister was badass, and I liked that they made that connection off the bat. I’m not mad about anything rayn did with her character but i genuinely believe thats only because i havent thought about it enough yet. give me a week and i’ll figure out how rain fucked it up. open to suggestions.

2C. Poe. Full offense but was I supposed to be mad at Poe for coming up with a plan when that bitch Holdo was like “I’m not gonna tell you my plan sit tight and be convinced we are all going to die :)” i legitimately did not understand how I was supposed to be mad at poe for doing what he thought was best for the rebellion after he asked holdo what the plan was and she was deliberately obstinate and refused to even be like “dont worry i have a plan” she was just like. so dumb. Also poe got thrown around a lot and i am A Little Suspicious of how much physical violence he experienced compared to many other characters.

2D. You guessed what was next! The slaps! Super awesome how the two men of color were slapped by white people!!!! So deep!!!!!!! For real tho uh the second time i saw this movie someone in the audience laughed when poe got slapped by space hitler hux and uh??? not funny. not funny or cute or clever to use the guy you built your entire nazi imagery on to slap the one black man on your cast. i dont care if it was supposed to make us “hate hux” or whatever more. i already hated hux reyn. you could have used that screentime in your 3 fucking hour long movie for something valuable, like giving finn a character arc, or literally anything else besides that goddamn slap. i was livid watching that.

and then with leia and poe? i get that part of the conflict was internal in the resistance and one of the major themes was how failure is the best teacher and all that but like? maybe stop physically assaulting all your characters of color? maybe uhhhh at least think about that first??

2E. like i mentioned before one of the obvious themes was how failure is the best teacher so naturally all the major characters had to fail at something, and then learn from their mistake to be better next time. with luke it was fucking up with kyle, with rey it was being naive enough to think kyle could turn, with poe it was the dreadnaught thing, finn was left out of this because raan dooesn give a shit abt finn bc hes a racist bastard, etc. but it was incredibly transparent how all of the white characters’ mistakes meant either personal losses or something small scale with one person, while the mistakes of the characters of color (poe/finn/rose) were all ones that cost the rebellion the vast majority of their forces. rey got out of her fight with kyle and snoke unscathed. luke got a lot of guilt and character development. What did finn poe and rose get? the deaths of like 99% of the resistance on their shoulders. A little too coincidental that even though rey LITERALLY GAVE HERSELF OVER TO SNOKE she was totally fine a-ok no real scars, finn and poe and rose doing their best to save the rebellion while admiral holdo refuses to tell them anything costs the resistance so fucking much. rey does the DUMBEST FUCKING THING with no real consequences and finn and poe and rose try their best and are punished severely for it.

2F. Really convenient how everything finn, poe, and rose did ended up being useless and just cost the rebellion lives, whereas at least rey’s mishap got snoke killed and taught her a lesson. reeeeaaaalllllyyyyyy convenient how finn, poe, and rose’s plan was a huge waste of time. it would have been much better for us to see an actual plot line with them that contributed to the story and their characterizations instead of “send them on a goose chase, make it pointless in the end, physically brutalize them along the way.

3. R*yl* bullSHIT: ryyn had a really fun time with a lot of very rape-y scenes in this movie. the whole force-connection thing with kyle and rey was soooooo uncalled for, it reeked of non-con fantasies, catered to the r*yl*s like nothing ever before, and was so goddamn gross. the obvious invasion of privacy and lack of consent was nasty, using it as a shitty device to make rey “come around” on kyle was NASTY and that whole thing was nasty. i know im not articulating this well but there was so much about that whole thing that bothered me. i just know reyhan was so fucking into it, inserting kyle into rey’s life, forcing her to completely drop all of her characterization in the first movie to suddenly thing kyle can be good, acting as if rey hasnt seen all the shit and known what hes done. the whole thing was gross and a really obvious example of why men shouldn’t be allowed to direct movies.

4. killing snoke was a dumbass fucking mistake. kyle is a tantrum-throwing temper-losing toddler. snoke was evil and mysterious and shit idk. we knew he was powerful as fuck, he looked like a testicle which is a great villain imo, he was the darth sidious and they killed him off while kyle is still in like. ep2!Anakin levels of angst. i get that kyle is already powerful or whatever but like. hes not cold and calculated the way snoke was. kyle is a good villain, but a weak main baddie bc hes dumb as fuck. he let the rebellion get away bc he was pissed at luke. that was dumb as fuck. kyle is ruined by his emotions, and snoke was a scarier main baddie bc he wasnt so fucking dumb lol

5. it was so fucking long. there were so many scenes that could have been cut or shortened. why did we need to see luke milking the tiddy of that weird alien cow thing. why did we need to see kyle ron shirtless. why did we need so many goddamn shots of the fucking porgs.

6. ya the porgs are cute or whatever but like. that whole “look at how sad the cute big-eyes porg is when chewie is eating his friend” thing was so dumb. i dunno why but i hated that the most. that was the worst thing the porgs did. they were cute but like chill disney u know they like ran algorithm after algorithm to make that porg the cutest it could be with science or some bullshit and like? thats dumb.

7. i get that the humor in star wars movies is shifting but i felt like there was too much of it and it was dumb. a lot of the riffs werent funny and there were too many of them for a star wars film. star wars usually doesnt take itself too seriously, but this one was a little too much for me.

8. there were too many plot twists for shock value. the story went on too long. it should have ended earlier but it didnt. i dont know why ryenn decided to have like 6 different climaxes but it was too much. should have let there be one climax buddy. thats it.

9. holdo. besides holdo being the white feminist icon why didnt she just fucking tell poe the plan. why. why was so deliberately obstinate when it was doing no good. like yeah of course poe sent out a crew to try to save the rebellion all u told him to shut up and let you handle it! obvously what she did in the end was badass or whatever but like uh hun next time dont be a piece of shit and then get mad when people react to you being a piece of shit. i would have been okay with all that happening if holdo wasnt treated like some hero who never made any mistakes. she did make a mistake, and that was refusing to tell poe what her plan was when she knew he was absolutely the type to do whatever he could to save the rebellion whether he had her permission or not. also apparently holdo is a lesbian or bi or not straight or something in like the comics or whatever and like 1. classic bury ur gays but also 2. no more word of god gay characters if a character is not gay in the movies i will not give you the gay cred for it sorry homophobes

10. i didnt buy the story w luke and kyle at lukes jedi training facility or whatever. surprisingly, i was ok with lukes story line and character development, and actually agreed with it for the most part, but i just like. i dunno i didnt feel like that was something luke would do. not because luke is infallible (even tho he is my gay dad who has never done anything wrong ever) but because the entire original trilogy is luke believing darth vader could be saved. and while im not opposed to luke changing his mind about whether or not everyone could be turned away from the dark side (luke was young and optimistic in the original trilogy, and as he grew older he would learn more about the jedi and their history like the whole speech he gave rey about how the jedi have to end bc theyre lowkey shitty). i actually kind of liked luke’s hot take on the jedi, because it was lowkey my hot take on the jedi (esp the prequels jedi who were shitty as Fuuuuuck but we are ignoring the prequels for now lbr) but also because i could believe it was a view luke would come to as he aged. but impulsively drawing his lightsaber to kill kyle before he had actually done anything bad, after suspecting that kyle had darkness in him for a while, even though he felt like he had failed? it just didnt feel like luke to me. i felt more like raeyn had chosen that particular backstory to try to make kyle a more sympathetic villain rather than give a believable and in-character back story for the characters. i understand that luke’s failure ultimately has to lead to the creation of kyle ron in this story line, but that didnt feel like the right failure to me. maybe this is just me being nitpicky but that felt off to me too and i dont know if i can quite pinpoint why.

11. rey was a dumbass fucking bitch in this movie. rey could not be a dumbass fucking bitch to survive as a scavenger who was orphaned at birth on jakku. rey would have had to be smart and not as fucking DUMB as she was in this movie. now im getting heated so i cant articulate this well but she just did so many dumb things that anybody who had to raise themselves would have never done. she would never have delivered herself over to kyle ron like what a dumb fucking idea. who wrote this goddamn movie. fuck u ryeen.

12. why did yoda come back as a force ghost. where is anakins force ghost. he would be so fucking pissed at kyle right now. he would be mad as hell. he would have ended this thing. he would have called kyle out like the shitdickbitch he is and put him in his place. i get that yoda is more like ancient and orginal star wars jedi knowledge shit or whatever and like more of an authority on the jedi but like anakin is off in like force ghost hawaii drinking force ghost martinis while his shitty fucking grandson is being a piece of shit?? nah man anakin would have shut that shit down they better bring him back for ep IX and i expect hayden christensen himself to show up to bitch at kyle about what a fucking dumbass he is.

tbh theres probably more like i know there’s a ton of little things i hated but as scathing as this review is there were things i liked. visually speaking it was a very beautiful movie when we werent getting atrocious close ups of adam drivers ugly ass face. i originally hated but have come to appreciate the darker tone, since it mirrors the mood of TESB in that the rebellion seems dead but obviously isnt bc this is star wars. i liked luke. i dunno. i had a lot of issues with the movie obviously. to be quite honest i cant actually think of anything else i liked atm which is telling.

anyway if anybody actually reads this long ass fucking post feel free to respond with what you hated abt TLJ

[damnfinecup]

♠

For every ♠ I receive, I will post a headcanon about my muse!BONUS: Specify a topic and I’ll make it about that topic!

( beats fists on table )  DALE ! BARTHOLOMEW ! COOPER ! IS ! CHAOTIC ! GOOD ! AT ! BEST !

i made a post a bit earlier abt this perception of dale that he’s a cinnamon roll, and like.  it bothers me so much.  but i also totally get it because i used to feel the same until i read my life, my tapes.  however:  even if you have been only introduced to the show, putting dale under the category of lawful good is Horrendous and Shameful, how very dare of u.  in the show i could understand someone maybe thinking he’s neutral good, but he’s totally chaotic good, and tbh as a kid and growing up he was probably even on the chaotic neutral side cause he was Wild AF.  every time this happens i clench my fist and run through an itemized list of everything fbi special agent dale cooper has ever done to completely contradict this.  off the top of my head:

he broke into a girl’s sexual/reproductive education class, and his reasoning was For Science

he spies on his best friend’s / neighbor’s sister, marie schlurman (MARIE IS SO IMPORTANT !!!) through her open curtains, making special note to his recorder when she’s naked, and other general shenanigans that comes with spying on young girls

he got mad when a girl he liked ended up dating another girl, and got Real Extra, Real Quick.  he considered:  poisoning himself to get her attention, lighting her house on fire while everyone was out of the house before offering her a place to stay at his home, just straight up lighting the rival girlfriend’s house on fire, or forget the girl and become a better boy scout.  “Each plan has merit, and risk.  Though all, I believe, will be very satisfying in the end.”

then he just blew up the rival girlfriend’s mailbox because nothing is a better time than hate crimes when you’re an angsty 15 year old

it’s implied that he poisoned the food of a rival boy scout’s group when they were terrorizing his troop.  he was pleased to announce:  “The Nazis suffered a mysterious case of food poisoning.  Much vomiting and retching could be heard all last night.  Never slept better.”

he doesn’t like birds because he was attacked by one one time, so he killed a crow for no apparent reason, and proceeded to have an existential crisis (aka the quote from my promo lmao)

instead of just going home with his boy scout troop after their jamboree-thing, he decided Fuck The Bus, and he went on a mini adventure over three days where he traveled home by himself, primarily spending his time with some drugged-up hippy lesbians.  “I am driving.  I do not have a license.  I have never driven before, and am driving around in a vehicle that I believe could put a drugstore out of business.  April said I would do just fine and kissed me very long and hard.  If caught, will probably spend most of my life in jail.  Strangely, I do not seem to care.  It has stopped raining.  April and Star are under the pyramid in a sleeping bag making love.”  they stopped and camped outside, the two girls were high, and dale got really drunk while april ran around naked and star slept on a rock.

there’s the july fourth fiasco with marie where they ran through the woods stripping, started messing around, but then the forest caught on fire from the fireworks

he said Fuck School, and got his GED instead of bothering even starting his junior year of high school, and proceeded to fuck off to Who Knows Where for 3 fucking years at the age of 16 ??  dale’s dad is chaotic too like tf ya lettin a 16 yr old boy just walk off with $1,000 in his pocket on a soul-search.  what kind of advice is “watch out for bad water and snakes.”  got me messed up, no wonder dale is too

literally all we know about this time period is that he traveled far and wide, and needed a ship ??  boi

the two choices he gave himself after he got back were:  join the circus or start college.  he looked into the circus and they didn’t really want him.

he went to haverford (all boys) and constantly hung around bryn mawr (all girls), got naked and drunk at a bryn mawr party, and then snuck off to have sex in the grass with a girl and barely didn’t get caught

he started dating that girl and she was married and he kept dating her anyways until she broke up with him lmao

he went to new york city and got chased around by robbers, then by a jealous boyfriend of an artist, then by cops and protesters.  he ended up in jail for the night.

he went to vegas and started card counting and got kicked out of a casino

then he met a girl who loved coffee and he was smitten but she was celibate and all he talked about was when she was going to Not Be That Way.  he never pressured her, but the reason she was celibate was because she had insecurities she had to fix about her relationship with her mother.  ends up her mom had slept with her last boyfriend.  

long story short:  dale almost slept with her mother

almost only because his girlfriend set the house on fire and interrupted

despite finding out she was an arsonist, he wholly welcomed her when she said she was ready to have sex.  while in the driver’s seat of the car.  they ended up breaking the seat and turning off the parking break, sending them down the hill.

then she went to the psychiatric hospital because maybe arsonists aren’t mentally doin too hot (hahahahahahahahhaha kill me)

skipping ahead and relevant to the way he treats his lovers:  CAROLINE EARLE…….  HIS PARTNER’S WIFE.  ALSO MARRIED.  

the sanctimony of marriage:  hey dale could you not

dale:  new phone who dis

even in the show he ogles audrey and the only reason they weren’t a Thing is for reasons related to real life:  i.e. Lara Flynn Boyle dating Kyle Maclachlan at the time and getting jealous, so literally dale’s positive character development was only caused by LFB being a controlling girlfriend ???  so here’s my uncertain thanks, i guess, lara lol

he has no qualms with the bookhouse boys, literally a group of vigilantes

there was also the whole part where he was suspended from the FBI, i mean

anyways this list is already too long but honestly calling coop lawful anything is wildly inaccurate.  tbh he sort of just joined the FBI because it was where he was being called to more in a destined way because he clearly has trouble with the morality of upholding laws that are unjust in his moral compass (he grew up during Vietnam, and his brother fled to Canada, he saw a man arrested at his school for dodging the draft; he had personal experience with how the law was shitty before he ever signed up).  the only reason, imo, dale makes a “good” agent is due to his personality often working well with the role, his goals often align, but he doesn’t actually………  seem to care that much what others deem good, let alone the law.  he just does what he thinks is right or AT LEAST okay because he’s kind of morally dubious at times (thus i think chaotic good-neutral flux is the best alignment for him).

[wendytestabrat]

that's true AF. like ok hate on cartman all u want, but something i find admirable AF abt him is how he went from being the biggest loser and most picked on kid, to lowkey the most popular kid in the whole school, which DEF takes a lot of leadership, social skills, and emotional intelligence. it says A LOT how even some of the most popular kids like craig and wendy go to cartman sometimes for his leadership skills. don't get me wrong, cartman is prob still just as hated as he's always been (if not, even MORE now bc of how much of an asshole he is) and doesn't rlly have that many true friends that actually care about him (aside from maybe kyle or butters), but i honestly view it as cartman being kind of like the regina george of south park LOL. everyone hates cartman and can't stand him, but at the same time they all want cartman to like them and to stay on his good side bc they fear him over how much power he has.

[cielospeaks]

i think one thing that makes a lot of my favorite characters my favorites is that theyre not just quirky “meme” morally upright completely “perfect” people. theyve got sides to them that isnt always the best thing to do, and often is kinda morally hecked up, but they have reasons, whether directly stated or implied, for this.

for instance (a big one) cu, he can be ruthless and kill without hesitation no matter who it is, and thats why i like him. he’s not just a “oh funny big pupper lol!” character, hes not just “muscles and a heart of gold uwu” he’s dangerous and unpredictable, like a storm. he has his own morals, but they’re not guaranteed to be ones considered “good” by the popular morality.

a lot of my faves i like bc they also have an aspect to them of doing bad things due to physically not knowing how to do anything otherwise (mozart, kyle, bel, nizou, ect). like three out of the listed ones are basically lab experiments who have no moral code save for what their “creator” taught them. mozart had no real dependable adults, and only his vague memories of his past life, and as expected, he can act like an immature child- getting upset when not constantly given attention, insensitive to others’ feelings- and this extends to all of the loids tbh, not just my boy (which is something a lot of the fandom doesnt get haha). with the other three its also more implied, esp kyle and nizou who arent really given backstories. but kyle and bel, like the loids, are artificially created humans- bel basically a being of anarchy and cunning, so given that he only knows how to be an ass. his personality is the manifestation of “if i light this on fire will it burn”, because its all hes known. kyle as well, i think he only knows how to be a manipulative bastard- his goal has always been to get information/get the feathers, and hes followed that through- why should he care abt anyone else along the way? nizou is the only one out of these four who is like. a regular human, not a lab experiment or anything like that, but i kinda have way big feels for him so. i think its clear in his dialogue that hes only really felt satisfied for a long time (maybe as long as he remembers) with the feeling of destruction and killing, and thats what he believes in the most- the ability to wield his sword and take lives. he’s not known anything besides that for a long time, and its become his reason to live.

i guess in regards to this i do like to put myself (or my insert in the case of kisumi) in a situation of kind of showing them a different path(s) and alternatives to this lifestyle. with mozart this is most clear, as he is a good person (and was) and occasionally really showcases his best qualities- empathy, optimism, ect. he values the lives of others immensely, even if he doesnt understand them all the time or even was on bad terms with them. for me this more than outweighs his brattiness- in fact that negative trait makes me like him more than if he was just pure and good and perfect all the time, it makes the moments like him saving schuu or understanding wa kuns feelings all the more meaningful and important.

the others, in the roles of “villains” dont really get their positive traits shown, but i still think they have them. its not necessarily all positive but theres things i really like abt kyle- his strategy and his self sacrificing nature. the first, i say isnt all good since its this strategy that is cruel to others for the sake of achieving his goals, but just kinda the will and spirit to follow through those goals is something to admire. and gosh dang is he cute when hes smirking smugly. the second, ofc i dont like fully (its why he dies dangit) but i also respect it, it goes with his “achieving goals at any costs” and i think its one trait i really like overall in characters, especially when i feel like it adds to them being more morally grey- others being gareth and hrid for example.

nizou i could go on about for days, but ill try to keep it short. i think its his dedication that i... enjoy? the most. like w kyle, its not an all positive trait- its this stubborn dedication that keeps him locked in this destructive (and self destructive) mindset that eventually leads to his defeat. but its also... like damn. this guy is such a master of the sword- hes an undoubtable expert, and all without the ability to see. and it seems like its something hes lived with his whole life. and like, for sword things, its a pretty dang important sense, so just the fact hes had to adjust so drastically and become so skilled at it? and like, it shows in his personality. even when hes shown suffering physically from the demon sword, he still has those perfect reflexes, he still goes out there to have a final showdown w gin chan- he keeps powering through. its something i try to do myself (on a different scale and way ofc) and something i can really admire.

beli is. hm. i think part of it is just the way the rest of the story’s cast try to convince the player he’s the “worst ever”, like haha. u sure bout that. he’s def an amusing character- humor is, in some ways, an aspect i really enjoy abt characters. i tend to gravitate more towards... like “bad” humor rather than the “witty flirty character that everyone loves~” type, and as far as that goes i would tend to prefer mozart’s childish crude toilet humor to belials constant innuendos. but they have their charm too. hes also very. attractive. in a kind of “pretty boy” way but also just a little bit dangerous? and just enough that to not be like the “conventional” pretty boy almost.

anyways this got long but tldr lov me some morally questionable boys (and girls)