#side note but the fact that this pairing is the one i'm the most invested in rn makes me feel like the odd one out in this fandom lol

[copias-juicebox]

It's a Sin Chapter 4

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 5 Pairing: Cardinal Copia x fem! Reader Words: 8941 Genre: romance, angst, smut, fluff, hurt/comfort, SLOWBURN Warnings: in this chap: angst and spice lol Notes: oki guys it has come now. my first lil venture into some spice. i'm feeling shy posting this lol. please let me know if you liked it and if it was ok? and feedback is always appreciated. love y'all. also the biggest fucking shoutout to @fishwithtitz. without your help i would not be able to get any words down.

The sun was shining brightly outside, contrasting the darkness that still lingered in the halls of the ministry. You spent most of the past night inside the infirmary, overlooking the Cardinal. Sister Ana and you both decided it‘d be best to supervise him because of his workaholic tendencies. And it did not even take half an hour after sundown that he proved you in your assumptions correct. He was barely awake and up, trying to get back to his stacks of papers atop his desk as if his grandma was held at gunpoint if he didnt get back to work as soon as possible. This man was really just ridiculous you thought. You encountered many passionate people in your life, especially in the church of your parents. This man though. He appeared to be just built different. Never once had you met someone that invested in his job or hobby.

On one side you were utterly taken with his love for his job and that alone earned him the utmost respect. But on the other side you could not shake the feeling that there was more to his workaholic attitude than just his own love and passion for the job. From what you had gathered so far he was the errand boy. He was sent around the ministry doing work for everyone at all times, doing people a favor when his own desk already overflowed with paperwork. It concerned you especially now that you have seen what a toll it took on him. The whole situation gave you the ick, just how everyone saw how this man worked himself to death and yet nobody decided to help him out. It was one thing you noted and you would make sure to offer your help should you ever have the opportunity to do so.

This morning you woke up early. Thankfully the backroom of the Infirmary offered a nice bed for the nurses on duty for cases like this. However you could not sleep for very long since a great amount of time you spent in the infirmary overlooking the Cardinal’s almost toddler-like sleep. He looked adorable. Realizing you found this odd looking man adorable alone made you shake your head and giggle internally. He was a grown man. In fact a middle aged man about twice your age. But you found his silly antics and awkward behavior lovely. It warmed your heart in an odd way you could not describe. There was not an ounce of displeasure in his presence, rather a feeling of calm and peace. Especially as he lay there in the bed, face finally relaxed. The crinkles on his forehead and around his eyes were less visible like this and he looked younger than you knew he was.

As much as you hated it, you decided it was time to wake him up. Opening up the curtains you turned around, watching him stir a little, the frown back on his face but his eyes still closed.

„Good morning Cardinal. It is time to wake up.“ you informed him, warmly.

„Just 5 more minutes…“ he mumbled barely audible, eliciting a chuckle from you. The sound escaping your mouth made him realize where he was and who was there. His eyes shot open, making him groan in regret as the bright light hurt his eyes and he hid his face in his hands to shield off the sunlight pouring inside.

„S..Sorella I.. good morning Sorella.“ he greeted you, eyes slowly adjusting to the light. His mismatched eyes found yours and he felt the butterflies in his stomach go wild again. There you stood, gracefully in front of the vast window. Golden rays of sunlight pouring in, casting a warm, ethereal glow that enveloped your form. Your silhouette radiant, like an angel descended from the heavens, with the light accentuating the delicate contours of your face and the flowing elegance you carried yourself with. As the Cardinal gazed back at you he sat there in awe, captivated by your otherworldly beauty and the celestial aura that seems to embrace you. Time stood still for a moment, the Cardinal caught in a moment of pure, luminous enchantment. After a moment that felt like an eternity he realized he must have hit his head pretty hard yesterday. What was it about you that made him feel that way? He was attracted to you. He knew that but why was it so strong? He could not pin it down. Was it just your beauty? But there were so many beautiful Sisters in the Ministry, none quite as pretty as you of course but still.

„So Cardinal, how are you feeling today?“ you interrupted his thoughts.

„Mi sento bene, Sorella. Yes I am alright.“ he replied absentmindedly.

„So no pain anywhere?“ You asked him as you started to feel his temperature again.

„N.. No, Sister I feel quite alright I promise.“ the Cardinal smiled sheepishly back at you, his cheeks turning a slight shade of pink.

„If that is the truth I am going to talk to Papa Nihil then. In the meantime I will ask for someone to bring you breakfast and I would highly recommend you to stay here and eat. I will be back in a few minutes.“ you ordered.

The Cardinal's eyes widened in surprise. „Ah no need Sister, don't bother Papa Nihil with little casualties like this.“ he tried to downplay his healthstatus.

„I have to Cardinal. He would expect you to go back to work and that would only be counterproductive Cardinal.“

„Ah then.. just tell him I am having a bad headache yeah? And I will be back at work tomorrow.“

You knew better than to discuss with him now and so you decided to not tell him what you were going to tell Papa. „Alright Cardinal. I will be back in a few.“

You left the infirmary, walking down the corridor towards the office Wing of the Ministry. Luckily you remembered most of the layout of this place from your tour with Hannah. Walking down the hallway you checked the Name Tags next to the doors as you passed Cardinals, Terzos, Secondos and Primos offices. The last one was Papa Nihils Office. You just hoped he would be there and knocked on the door three times. A voice from inside called you in. You opened the door, stepped inside and closed it. Inside Papa Nihil sat in his chair while Terzo and Sister Imperator stood next to him.

„Excuse me Papa Nihil. I hope I am not interrupting anything? I can come back later.“ When he saw who entered his office his face lit up. You did not know why but he genuinely liked you even though he knew nothing about you.

„Ah no no of course not.“ he tried to get up from his chair but his old legs refused him so he sat back down. Sister Imperator helped him and he invited you inside with a wave of his hand. You took a few steps inside coming to a halt next to Terzo who fixed you with a curious gaze.

„Now what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?“ Papa Nihil asked, gleefulness in his tone.

„Well unfortunately I am here because of my duty. As you know the Cardinal came into the Infirmary yesterday.“

„Yes yes the Cardinal right. Is he feeling better, yes? Can he resume his work now?“ Nihil asked impatiently

„Unfortunately not. His condition has become better, yes, but he needs more rest I am afraid.“

„More rest? No, we can't afford him to rest now. He needs to get back behind his desk now.“ Nihil nearly barked, absolutely not sympathetic in the slightest. „..The Cardinal wants more time off now?“ he turned to you with a frown.

„No actually I highly recommend a week off for him. He is in a critical condition right now and if he doesn‘t rest up properly he might fall sick for an extended amount of time.“

Nihil seemed to not hear a word you had said, rambling about how dare the cardinal wants time off now until Terzo decided to step in.

„Papa the cardinale is working very hard. You should allow him to rest a bit. Consider it a.. a small holiday yes?“ Terzos deep voice rang in the room.

That successfully just put more gas into the fire. „A Holiday you say? We don‘t do holidays here. Satan doesn‘t take holidays and neither will the Cardinal!“ Nihil fumed.

You were about to speak when surprisingly Sister Imperator stepped in.

„Papa, Terzo is right. He has done a lot lately. He should be granted a gift don‘t you think? He is the most important Cardinal Papa, don‘t forget that.“ Nihil just grumbled in response.

You decided to try your luck and risk it. You knew he liked you but what you were about to do was risky as shit. It might actually have the exact opposite effect on him. You had to try though. „I am sorry Papa. I didn't mean to offend you in any way.“ you tried your doe eyes on him. „I was just thinking that you might need to know how bad it is with him.“ you added a sweet, charming smile to the mix. He looked at you and you swore you saw a slight change in his hard expression. Now or never you thought. „I am begging you as a nurse who swore to do anything to help those in need, to give him a week. I will personally take care of him if you want me to and make sure he gets back as soon as possible.“ At this point you didn‘t know what shit cake you were trying to bake here but to your surprise it seemed to work as Nihils glare seemed to fade and his features softened.

You missed the smirk and raised eyebrow your little act had earned you from Terzo.

„Well if that is so he might get his week then. If that means he will be able to get back and work as he used to that is.“

You smiled and clapped your hands together. „Thank you Papa, thank you so much you are the best. I will go then.“

„Yes yes thank you bella, You go and take care of the cardinal yes. I have other matters to attend to now.“ Nihil said and turned back to Terzo, who still watched the whole scenario unfold in front of him.

You nearly ran the way back to the infirmary, skipping a step just being happy about your successful bewitching of Papa Nihil.

When you entered the Infirmary Sister Ana was doing paperwork on the desk and the Cardinal just finished his breakfast.

„There you are. Are you alright dear? …oh you seem to be in an oddly good mood for someone who just told Papa Nihil that his most hardworking part of the clergy needs a timeout. Does that mean you actually managed to get him a day or two?“

„Well yeah. More than that even. I managed to actually get him a week.“ you smiled proudly

„A WHAT?“ Ana stood up abruptly, bumping into the table and knocking half of the items on top off of it. „How in the name of sweet Satan did you do that? Did you suck his cock or what?“

„ANA!!“ you yelled. „No ew I would never oh my god. I just figured out he has a soft spot for me. And well I used it against him. I know I am a terrible person but it was worth it.“

„Oh you are a clever child. Honestly you shouldn‘t feel bad in the slightest. He tends to be very harsh to the Cardinal. And the Cardinal never owns up to him. You did the right thing child. He could use the time out.“ Ana stated, looking to the door that connected the Backroom with the Infirmary. „Now I just want to give you advice and keep to your word ok? Take care of Cardinal Copia. He will be over the moon to spend so much time in the presence of such a beautiful Sister that is for sure.“ she laughed and shooed you out of the room towards the Cardinal.

„Ah Sorella, excuse me but why exactly are you escorting me back to my Chambers personally? I told you it‘s not necessary I am fine now.“ he kept stealing glances at you from the corner of his eyes.

„You see Cardinal, I spoke to Papa Nihil and he was not exactly.. happy to give you time off. So I had to convince him, yeah?“ You grinned sheepishly, looking down, matching his steps.

Copia stopped dead in his tracks. You walked two more steps and turned around to see why he had stopped. „What is it, Cardinal? Are you not feeling well again? Do you need me to bring you back?“ you asked, taking a step closer to him, worry written all over your face, a hand came to rest on his arm should he need support. The Cardinals cheeks turned the slightest shade of pink. „No no Sorella uh… It‘s just I errm.. You didn‘t do anything to uh…. gain Papas favor did you?“ the man, wearing his black cassock asked. You frowned. „Cardinal I am sorry but I don‘t understand.“ you shook your head. „Sorella.. I..“ he seemed to be thinking hard. He was going to open his mouth again when in the last second he decided against it. „Ah nevermind Sorella. Please ignore an old mans rambling.“ he waved you off as if he just said the most ridiculous thing and wanted you to forget about it.

He began to walk again and you followed him, still thinking about what he could have meant. After a few minutes walk in silence you reached a dark door at the end of the hallway where the higher ranking members of the clergy resided. „We are here Sorella. Thank you for walking with me. I will be fine from now on.“ he turned and opened his door, dismissing you but you were pushing yourself in behind him and he felt the front of your body press into his back. Copia froze before he turned around just in time to see you close the door behind you. His eyes went wide and when you closed the distance between you he started to get nervous. He fidgeted around where he stood. „Ah w..what are you doing..?“ he fidgeted with his fingers out of sheer stress. His mind was trying to comprehend why you were here now as his stomach felt like it was jumping around. „..dinal? Cardinal are you there?? Earth to Cardinal Copia..“ You snipped your fingers in front of his face. His vision cleared again and he got pulled out of his momentary stupor.

„Okay I have had enough of this now. You!“ You pointed your finger at him. „You! Bed! Now!“ you commanded. Copia was speechless. He didn‘t understand what was going on. Why were you here and commanding him to his bed? His bed of all places? You couldn‘t possibly mean to… no. He had to stop himself. He would not let his mind wander there. You were far too good to him, he couldn‘t sully your pretty soul like that. His thoughts were interrupted as your hand found his and you pulled him into the room more. „So where?“ you stared at him as you were walking backwards into his living room. The cardinal's eyes were as big as saucers, staring back at you. „Ah.. Haha uh.. Sorella.. what do you mean where??“ he questioned, nervousness evident in his voice.

„Well the bedroom, silly?“ At this point he was thinking he might go insane. Was this real? The most beautiful Sorella in the whole ministry wanted to bring them to his bedroom. „The d..door to your r..right, there.“ he finally managed to stutter and look behind you. You glanced over your shoulder and gently pulled him towards the big dark door. As you opened it the first thing you noticed was the smell of fresh bedding and the beautiful dark decor of the room. The walls were black as were the silk sheets on top of the Cardinals queen sized bed. You couldn‘t take a much better look because the cardinal's well being was still present in your mind. You wanted to get him to lie down as soon as possible. He was behaving oddly even though he claimed to feel fine.

„Alright then nearly there. Please now lay down. And get some rest.“ at this point you actually had to push him down gently since he was rigidly standing there not moving. When he finally lay on his bed he kept staring at you like you were a ghost. „Cardinal are you sure you‘re alright?“

„I.. I don‘t know.“ he responded and you sighed. „Alright Cardinal just to make it clear to you I am going to be your personal nurse for the week ok? I promised Papa Nihil to take care of you and make sure you are back to work by next monday. So you need to promise me to be honest ok? Whenever something is not right you tell me.“ You sat down next to him on his bed, the mattress giving way to your weight as you sat.

Copia exhaled deeply as you told him the reason behind all this. How pathetic of him to read anything into your actions. Of course you would never show any interest in him of all people. He was relieved of the tension he felt rising between you but he was equally hurt by it. He would never show it of course but deep down he hoped you might like him a little. Just a little would be enough for him.

„Ah uhm if that‘s the case then I think I just need to rest a little more. Sí just a little more rest.“ he told you.

„Alright. Good I‘ll leave you to it then. I will come back soon and bring you lunch, Cardinal.“ you said and got up, walking towards the door.

As the door clicked shut the Cardinal was doing anything but rest. He lay there yes but his mind was racing wildly. He reproduced this morning's events many times in his head. Every time his heartbeat picked up when your hand had taken his. Your fingers were cold and in stark contrast to his own warm hands. He didn‘t understand this infatuation he had. Could he actually have a crush on you? He didn‘t know you one bit, it surely was just his far too long touch-starved body and your beautiful smile that had him worked up like that. He could only dream of someone like you. Oh what he would give to have you. You had said you were his nurse. His. In his delusional mind he created a bunch of scenarios which really didn't help his already misplaced feelings towards you. He wanted to make you his for real. In any way possible. He would give you everything you ever desired. He would offer all of him and more just for you to let him worship you as you deserved.

A few hours later you walked along the corridor, carrying a tray with the Cardinals lunch and fresh juice. As you walked up the stairs you met some Sisters and Brothers, all happily greeting you on the way. You rounded the corner and there you saw Sister Hannah and her group of friends. „Look who is here. If that isn‘t Cardi's personal nurse.“ one of the Sisters teased and winked at you. The group giggled and some of them looked at you with pity. You were slightly appalled at their reactions. „Mhm yes. Is there any problem with that?“ you asked and they answered „Ah no you see it‘s just I am sorry for you. He is so pathetic and you have to spend so much time with him now.“ You looked at Hannah, silently asking her if they were serious. She understood the look you gave her and intervened, trying to defuse the situation.

„Come one girls, don‘t be mean to our new nurse now. And also the Cardinal deserves the best treatment. He is basically running the whole ministry at this point.“ She stated. „Yeah Hannah we know you have a soft spot for the rat man. But really I hope he isn‘t gonna be weird to new sis.“ Sister Moira said, inspecting her fingernails.

„Well I am not worried he would do anything weird as you said. So far he‘s been super welcoming.“ you smiled. „Ugh yeah I‘m just saying sis..“ Sister Moira rolled her eyes. That was when Brother Damien, a tall, dark haired Brother jumped in. „What she is trying to say is that the Cardinal is a little funny, yeah?“ he tried to explain. Unfortunately you failed to understand. „Funny? What do you mean by that?“ you replied „Ugh Sis he is a creep fucking hell. And I bet he is a pervert as well.“ Sister Moira interjected, obviously getting irritated at the conversation.

Your mouth hung open and you were trying to process what you had just heard. „Are you trying to tell me he has..“

„Nonsense Sis. He never did anything like that.“ Hannah interrupted you. „Don‘t even listen to her. The Cardinal is a good and decent man. The one you should watch out for is Terzo.“ Sister Hannah informed you.

„Oh my god are you saying he..“ „No no no don‘t worry. Nothing like that. Satanas, you must be getting all the wrong impressions right now.“ Hannah grabbed your arm, leading you away from the group. „Don‘t worry no one here has done anything to anyone. At least not as long as they didn‘t want to. What I was trying to say is Terzo has a certain way with people. Especially with the Sisters. That is all.“

You sighed, your shoulders slumped as you exhaled. „Okay good. You had me worried for a second. But I meant it so far the Cardinal has been nothing but kind. And I don‘t find him creepy.“

„Correct you are. He is a sweet man. Just very awkward. Many people find that odd. Well he is odd but it‘s endearing really. Don‘t listen to what anyone says here really. Make your own experience with people and don‘t judge a book by its cover because that is what most of them do.“ she motioned back to the group.

„Alright yes. Thank you Hannah.“ you hugged her real quick from the side, balancing the tray in your hands and told her you had to go now otherwise the Cardinals food would get cold. As you turned on your heel Hannah called you one more time. „Hey are you free tonight? We wanted to go out for a drink after dinner. Wanna join?“ You contemplated and agreed. You wanted to belong and fit in and you were going to take any chance to get to know more Sisters and Brothers.

When you knocked and opened the door to the Cardinals room you heard some rustling, quick steps and a thump and a following string of curses. „Cazzo.“ When you entered his bedroom he was lying in his bed, a blanket lazily thrown over him. Unfortunately his feet were not covered and revealed the slippers he wore. One glance at the desk in the corner of the room was enough to confirm your suspicions. Papers thrown all over the desk, the lamp lying dangling off the cable on one side of his working space. You sighed „Cardinal!?“ His eyes went wide at your commanding tone. „Ah sí sorella?“ he grinned sheepishly back at you. You shook your head suppressing a smile. This man was unbelievable yet adorable. „Have you been working?“ „No no no Sorella. I was uh in my bed this whole time, yes.“ he fumbled with the rim of his blanket. „And you always keep your slippers on in bed?“ you inquired. „Oh.. uh.. that is for when I…have to hurry to get to the bathroom, yes the bathroom.“ Copia wanted to punch himself. How would that sound to her? Like he was an old incontinent man that would piss in his pants sometimes. His cheeks grew a dark shade of red when he heard your chuckle. Satanas, you were laughing about him. His head whipped up searching your face. Your eyes were locked to the ground beneath you, smiling a dashing smile. Oh how beautiful you looked like that. „You are unbelievable, Cardinal and you‘re a liar, a bad one at that.“ when your eyes found his he was surprised to find no sign of pity or remorse. Instead your eyes sparked and conveyed nothing but warmness. He was relieved to see that expression on you unlike what he had expected to see.

„Cardinal it is very obvious, don‘t you think?“ You looked around the room. „Anyway I am not here to reprimand you. I have brought you your lunch. And since you‘ve been up anyway you might eat it on the big table as well.“ you walked back out of his bedroom and put the tray on the big table that stood in the little kitchenette he had. A few moments later he followed you. This was the first time you saw him in casual clothing. He wore a wine red hoodie with a fitting pair of pants. Underneath he wore a simple black shirt and under his slippers a pair of black socks. It was a little odd to see such a high ranking member of the clergy wearing such casual clothes but it just helped you relax around him a little more. Not that the Cardinal made it hard for you to do so. His clumsiness and awkward little smiles gave you a sense of security. Like you were not the only one not knowing what to do every now and then. You were still adjusting to this new life you were having here.

Satan and his worshippers surely were going to be the biggest test the lord above had for you so far. You were going to prove to him you were standing strong in your faith and that you could show mercy and help even the misled souls.

„Thank you Sorella. Uh what about yourself?“ he questioned, brow furrowed. „Oh I already had a little snack when I visited the kitchen.“ you brushed him off. „Oh we can share then Sorella it‘s no problem.“ Copia answered already on his way to the kitchenette, opening a cabinet and pulling out a plate and cutlery for you. „It‘s not necessary, Cardinal really.“ „No it is Sorella. You need to eat.“ He patted the chair next to him and you sat down next to him. He then put half of his food on the other plate and handed it over to you. You were a little speechless. „But it is not that much you don‘t have to share with me. I can always get some more later.“

„It is enough. And I am happy to share my food with you Sorella. Please accept this?“ Copias eyes found yours, a hint of worry hidden behind his pleading eyes. It was definitely not enough for the both of you to get full but there was no way on earth you could reject him now. You sat next to each other as you both ate. You were not going to admit it but you were more hungry than you knew yourself, nearly wolfing down your food. The Cardinal stole glances at you from the corner of his eyes and tried to hide his chuckles. „So Cardinal, can I ask you a question?“

„Ah sí sí, what exactly do you want to know?“

„Mh how did you end up here?“

„Cosa intendi? Like how did I end up devoting my life to Satan?“

„Yes. What made you want to become a Cardinal or choose a clerical life anyway?“

„Well.. It uh.. it was a long time ago. You must know Sorella, I was an orphan. I have never known my parents and when I was young I didn‘t have many friends or family.“

„Oh I am sorry to hear..“ you replied, a hand resting on his arm in an attempt to provide some form of comfort.

„Don’t be Sorella. It was a long time ago. And it was the church that I found solace in. Belief carried me through my childhood. I have seen the good and the bad of it.“ the Cardinal spoke, somberness behind his words as his gaze seemed to drift off.

His words struck you and you suddenly became more interested. „H-How exactly?“ Your voice was barely above a whisper. He couldn‘t have experienced something similar as you could he?

„You see I was not a satanic Cardinal from the beginning. In fact I started studying theology and became a young servant of the catholic church. But as time went by I saw the misuse of trust, power and the truly harmful ways of the catholic church so I decided to leave this rotten institution behind.“

„And what did you do after that?“

„I survived doing smaller Jobs here and there until I came across this ministry and the wonderful message they carry out into the world.“

You wanted to know more. But at the same time you were scared to show how little you knew about it all.

„And then you asked Papa if you could stay?“

„Well not exactly. The clergy wanted me to stay here. It is… in a way this place has become my home. The first place that I feel like I am accepted just the way I am.“

You didn‘t know why but it hurt you hearing him say such a thing. He must have spent many years of his life, trying to find acceptance and through many years he seemed to have finally found it. If this place provided that for him it might not be as bad as you were taught it would be.

„I am glad you found that place. The place you can call home.“ you smiled at him and both continued to eat.

It somewhat eased the tension in the room and after you finished the Cardinal got up and took your plates off the table, rinsing them in the sink. „Cardinal.. errm thank you.“ you told him earnestly. „Prego Sorella. I have to thank you. For taking care of me so wonderfully. It is the least I could do. Maybe for dinner you could bring two plates, yes? One for you and one for me?“

„Yes I will do that.“ you two fell into silence again. Him standing in front of his kitchenette and you sitting on the chair across the room. This time it was more comfortable. He seemed less tense and so did you.

„So Cardinal back to business. I have to ask you to refrain from working. That is the whole reason why you are here now. So from now on I forbid you to work one more minute until next week.“ You instructed. His face fell as the last words fell from your lips. He couldn‘t possibly stop working. He never once took a vacation from his work. It was all that he‘d ever known. Bound to his desk, several nights back to back and making sure everything in the ministry ran smoothly.

„Ah Sorella.. I have to intervene.. I couldn‘t stop working all together.. there uh is quite a lot of responsibility that comes with..“

„Nonsense Cardinal.“ you raised your voice above his. „If I remember correctly you are not Papa. You are simply a Cardinal right?“

„Y..Yes Sorella.“ his voice was small now as he looked down to the ground.

„And as Cardinal you are not the one responsible for the ministry. Papa should be. And he will be making sure you get some rest. He even approved to my request and was the first to speak up to Papa Nihil. He has your back Cardinal. You should not worry about it even though I admire that.“

The Cardinals cheeks turned a deep crimson color, as his brain stopped thinking about any other pathetic excuse and he took mental notes that you liked if he took responsibility.

Later that evening you met Hannah and her group of friends outside to go to the local bar and enjoy your time here. To your surprise they seemed to be more friendly and nice than you expected them to be, especially after this morning's encounter with Moira. The Cardinal was not the most popular among some of them and they seemed to know you disagreed which they accepted. They even refrained from making any further inappropriate comments about him for the remainder of your night out. After a few drinks they decided each of them was going to pay you one shot of Tequila as a little welcome celebration. It had been a while since you last had that much fun and you grew closer to the other Sisters and Brothers which was a huge relief. By the end of the day you stumbled half drunkenly into your room and into your bed with a smile on your face.

The next days went by relatively fast. You would check in on the Cardinal every now and then, you would bring him breakfast, lunch and dinner and eat it together over some light conversation. The both of you warmed up more with each day and you could feel yourself relax more around him. While you found some sort of rhythm with each other, him always trying to sneak out to do some work (of course he couldn‘t go without work) and you alway finding him either asleep with his head on his desk or scrambling around his room as soon as he heard you approach, you decided to help whenever you could. Running small errands for him to lift some of the weight he carried on his shoulders. You would stop him whenever he was taking on too much and you made sure he took a good long break every now and then. Copia was immensely happy about that. One of his biggest flaws was that he never truly knew when it was becoming too much, luckily that beautiful Sorella must have been sent by Lucifer himself to help him, saw right through it, always there to remind him to take a break or bring him food when he had neglected his well being for too long.

As you carried on your days like that you got to know each other better in between. The light conversation sometimes, turning into deeper topics that both of you were interested in. He was surprisingly attentive to you and you greatly appreciated that he truly listened to you. He never once judged you for an opinion you had and so it was just natural for you to form a bond with him that relied on trust. It was even comfortable enough for you to reveal your concern working in the ministry. You made sure to choose your words wisely around him so as to not tell him you were not a believer at least not in the same Lord he believed in. You didn‘t even know why but he was easy to open up to and so one day while you helped him sort some papers on his desk you came to talk about your reasons to take the Job in the ministry. The Cardinal had his suspicions that you were not in fact a Sister of Sin. You didn‘t share the opinions most Sisters did but he wanted to know for sure.

„One of the main reasons why I accepted this Job was because of this town.“ you revealed. „This town? How so?“ the Cardinal asked, genuinely interested, head cocked to the side. „It‘s my hometown. I grew up here. Our house was not even too far away from here.“ you reminisced. „Well that was until I went to the boarding school my parents sent me to.“

That piqued the Cardinals interest as he raised one eyebrow in confusion. „Forgive me Sorella but might I ask why they would send you away? You don‘t come across to be the rule-breaking type..“ he asked, trying not to offend you.

„Well honestly I don‘t remember exactly. I was very little back then. But…“ you tried to think hard about how to describe the night and the things that had happened without telling him about your catholic family or the traumatic events of that night.

„It was in the summer. A few weeks into the holidays. I was a child back then and I.. Well, I was a very curious child. And I questioned many things when I grew up. Many things I didn‘t understand. But my parents never liked me to ask too much. And as I grew older I think they grew tired of me and my never stopping mouth.“ you sighed, remembering the angry face of your father as he slapped you hard across your face that night. „My parents were very strict, you know. They were not open for someone to question their way of life. So yeah I overstepped and they finally had enough of me.“ you swallowed the lump in your throat.

The Cardinal beside you grew stiff. He remembered something. A specific night. A night of heavy thunder and rain. A night almost 20 years ago now. It couldn‘t be, could it?

„Cardinal? Are you ok? Do you need to lie down?“ you inquired. „Ah no I am fine Sorella, thank you. Uh may I ask you how old you are Sister?“ Copia was trying to gather as much information as he could.

„I will turn 26 in November.“ you said with a smile. „How about you? How old are you?“

„Oh uh I am an old man..“ He started to stare at his fingers silently counting. „ I am 53.. yes 53.“

„Did you really just count with your fingers?“ you snickered and he just awkwardly shrugged „Eh, I was never good at math.“

„But it is your own age how could you not know“ you still chuckled at his silly antics.

„I never celebrated my birthday so I never counted the years.“ he declared and you saw a sudden sadness flash in his eyes. Memories of his childhood came rushing back to him. He wanted to be like the other kids, celebrating their birthdays with their friends. He never had any friends to celebrate with. On his sixths birthday, the first one he would be allowed to celebrate, he planned a party with food and cake even, sending invitations to everyone he knew. The pain he felt when no one, not a single soul showed up was too much to bear and he swore never to celebrate his birthday again.

Your gorgeous face appeared before his eyes and suddenly he realized he‘d missed whatever you said to him.

„Okay Cardinal, enough of this you‘re going back into your bed now.“ you took his elbow and gently guided him to his bed. He didn‘t protest and followed your lead.

„I will finish this for you.“ you explained as you went back to the desk to sort out the last few papers and envelopes that started to stack on the dark mahogany platform.

„Sorella you don‘t have to. Please. It is not your job to do my Job.“ Copia inferred. „No it is not, I am well aware. But what kind of a nurse would I be if I watched you work yourself to death, mh? A shitty one, yes exactly. And I know once I leave for tonight, you will be up here anyway and work endlessly so I am going to take that off your shoulders.“

The Cardinal smiled at you. You knew him too well already. But what was he supposed to do anyway? You‘d been occupying his mind too much these past few days. The only way he knew to silence his restless brain was to bury himself with work. This way he forced himself to think about something else. Something that grounded him. He needed the distraction or else he would go insane. Plus he needed to actually get some of the workload off or he surely would drown once he was officially back next week. As you told him goodbye for the evening he was glad for your help. He did exactly what you had predicted and was up on his feet as soon as the door clicked shut. He was just going to oversee the finances for the past month and then he would go back to bed and sleep. At least that was his plan. Satan seemed to have other plans for him since his head was swarming with thoughts about you and the child he found all those years ago when he was a Bishop. He nearly had forgotten that encounter but now that you were here it seemed to be coming back to him. The similarities between you and the girl were just too remarkable to be purely coincidental.

Cardinal Copia could not find sleep that night. He was rolling around, restless mind running a million miles. His brain recalled the thunderstorm some 18 years ago. Your name, your hair and even your aura was so familiar. The little girl he found in the woods that night. It was you. He was sure that you were the old Pastor's daughter. His thoughts kept swirling around you and your life up to this point. He knew you were raised catholic and that made him wonder even more how exactly you ended up in a satanic church. Did your parents know about it? Did you fall from your catholic beliefs and joined Satan? He wanted to know you. To know everything about you and help you find your way in this world. Was that why you felt so familiar to him? Was it purely his protectiveness that intrigued him in? He hated the next thought that came to mind. He was attracted to you, he would be lying to himself if he denied that. It troubled him, knowing you were such a young woman and he was such an old man. He was a pervert thinking about you in a less appropriate manner but he was also just a man. Oh Satan what did he do to deserve this? Copia was not even sure if it was a curse or a blessing of the dark one. It confused him deeply why he had placed you back into his way. Was he trying to test his loyalty? He tried to reason his desires with being touch starved for too long. Your breathtaking smile flashed before his eyes and he knew he was not going to get you out of his head anytime soon.

The next morning rolled around and once again you were on your way to the Cardinals room, tray with breakfast and fresh Orange juice in hand. You figured out that was the one he liked best. The birds outside chirped happily as the first sun rays shone through the beautiful coloured windows of the ministry, filling you with excitement and happiness. You always loved to see a beautiful sunrise with blue skies. It was the best way to start a day.

As you knocked on the Cardinals door you didn‘t hear anything and after that you slowly opened the door calling into the room. „Good morning Cardinal. It is me. I brought breakfast.“ you still hear no movement at all. Worried you set the tray down on the table and walked up to his bedroom. You knocked gently on the door. „Cardinal? Are you up yet?“

You decided to peek inside and you saw the Cardinal sleeping in his bed, arms wrapped around a pillow. As you stepped closer you saw he was covered in sweat and you sat down on the bedside next to him and gently shook his arm.

„Cardinal. You need to wake up, Cardinal. It‘s time.“ you whispered gently, leaning closer to him. He stirred slightly, lazily opening his eyes. When is duo chromatic eyes adjusted to the light in the room the first thing they landed on was your frame sitting on his bedside. His mind slowly registered your proximity and he woke up with a little jump. „Cardinal you‘re all sweaty. Did you have a bad dream or..?“

The Cardinal sat up slightly watching you lean in closer to study his moist face „Uh.. oh I don‘t know I don‘t remember.“ he said honestly. You moved your hand up to his forehead to feel for his temperature. At this point you lay halfway on his bed since he had moved away from you as he realized how close you were. He didn‘t know why but close proximity to you made him feel lightheaded. He argued it was just his attraction to you that made him feel that way. When you felt for his temperature, a crease forming between your brows and a look of concentration taking over your features he couldn‘t help but find that adorable. As he turned to look away his eyes found your body, that was presented in front of him, your breasts not exactly visible but enough for his eyes to linger, holding yourself up on one arm, hands gripping his black satin sheets.

He knew he shouldn‘t but he couldn‘t help himself. He pictured you in his bed. Naked body, writhing around in his sheets, head falling back, presenting your delicate neck, moaning and screaming his name as your hands formed fists full of the black fabric as you came down on him hard. It was overwhelming. His pupils dilated at the image in his head and his cock twitched, awakening and growing stiff.

His eyes widened as he realized it. No no no no no no. Not now, not here. Panic flooded him as he gripped the sheets tighter to cover his now painfully hard erection. „Okay you have no fever at least. I guess it was just a bad dream then.“ you summarized as you pulled back. He stared at you, not moving. „Are you sure you‘re alright Cardinal?“ „I.. I am fine, yes.. no. I mean yes… fine.“ You studied his face trying to find any indicator he was lying. „Well then I have breakfast in the other room Cardinal. Maybe I should have brought coffee this morning though. Since you clearly are not awake yet.“ „Breakfast huh? Yeah uh just give me a moment Sorella sí?“ „Of course. I‘ll change your sheets then. Please get up and out of bed Cardinal.“ you started to pull on the sheets.

His eyes grew as big as saucers. „Ahhh.. Sorella uh.. yes.“ he turned around facing away from you and got up, nearly running towards the bathroom with an awkward step. „Are you sure you‘re ok?“ you questioned. „Sí sí. I am just going to take a shower, yes.“ came his response. You simply shook your head and heard the water from the other side of the door run.

The Cardinal stood under the hot water now, closing his eyes as the droplets rippled down his bare chest. He let his head hung and when he opened his eyes his hard erection was staring back at him. He needed that to go away as soon as possible. He couldn‘t spend too long here it or it would be suspicious. But as he saw his boner his mind wandered back to what had caused that reaction. You. And just the mere thought of your face made his cock twitch in anticipation.

He groaned. This way his erection would never go away. No he had no other choice, he reasoned as he began to grab his dick and give it a few soft strokes. His non dominant hand came to rest on the tiled wall as his other hand gently yet precisely moved up and down on his length. His eyes closed and he imagined it was your feather light touch that made him shiver. You‘d kneel in front of him, staring up at him innocently while curiously stroking him, asking if it was feeling good. And how good it felt. If only it really was your soft, small hands and not his own big ones. He picked up the pace and the pressure he had on his rock hard cock as he imagined what it must be like to have your pretty lips sucking is dick like a lolli. He had to readjust his legs as he suppressed moans and whimpers. His cock throbbed in his hands and your watery eyes flashed in his mind. Another whimper.

He needed to get his shit together or else he ran the danger of your hearing him. But here was another huge turn on for him. You were right next door. Hopefully oblivious to what was going on here. His imagination changed and he pictured you back in his bed. What a sight it would be. He wondered what it must be like to fill you up. To fill you with every inch he could offer until you became one. At this point, his other hand came to rest on his cock as well. Using both of his hands now to slide up and down as his head rolled back. Another groan.

Pictures of your face hair sticking to your forehead all sweaty as he thrusted into you. Gently at first and then at full speed with a near supernatural force. You‘d be whining, screaming and moaning for the rest of the night. He would make sure you came at least two times before he would let himself reach that sweet release. You deserved that. He could feel himself getting close, his hips thrusting into his hands, eagerly, aggressively. Again he groaned and whimpered, this time louder.

„Cardinal?“ came your voice from the other side of the door.

Hearing your sweet beautiful voice was all he needed. He bit his hand to stop himself from making too many sounds as your name fell from his lips over and over again. His hips rutted into his hands erratically and he came hard, his cum spilling everywhere over the tiles as he fell to the wet floor, knees giving away under his intense orgasm. Maybe it was just too long since the last time he orgasmed but it felt like nothing he had ever experienced and it took him a few seconds to respond to your pleading calls outside.

„I… I am alright Sorella, I just bumped my head.. and stubbed my toe. I'm still a bit tired I guess.“ he tried to cover up his pathetic actions by a series of equally pathetic lies. He sighed. It made him angry. He didn‘t want to use you like that. He didn‘t want to sully you like that. You deserved better than that. He cleaned up after himself and got out of the shower, plagued by guilt and regret.

He hated himself at that moment. He hated what he did. He was nothing but a pathetic, old pervert, taking advantage of the beautiful young Sorella, who has been nothing but sweet and caring towards him.

When he opened the door, wrapped up in a white bathrobe his face fixed the floor under his feet. His expression was unreadable to you but he seemed to be in pain? Or something else so you decided to ask him. He walked past you into the room.

„Cardinal are you ok? You had me worried there.“ As he walked past you he avoided eye contact and when he heard your worry for him he felt even worse for what he had done not even 5 mins ago. You cared for him and he tainted you like that. He pressed his eyes shut and a painful expression appeared on his still damp face.

„Ah no Sorella I am alright. Now if you could excuse me now I‘d like to dress now and go to sleep. I won‘t be needing you to bring me food for today. I can always call for a Ghoul.“

You were taken aback. He was being so cold to you and you didn‘t understand.

„O-Only after I know you are feeling ok.“ you stubbornly replied with a shaky voice.

The Cardinal turned around, forcing himself to look at you. It broke his heart to hear your voice like that. And he hated himself even more for being responsible. Now he didn‘t only ruin your innocence, no he even managed to make you feel like shit for it too.

„I am okay Sorella. I swear on the dark one.“ he smiled the saddest attempt you had ever seen on him. „Now please…“ his voice broke and you knew you had to give him some privacy. You didn‘t understand what was happening and why his mood had deteriorated in the time span of a few minutes but you didn‘t want to pry. Maybe you had done something to upset him? Or even said something wrong? Offended him? Did you forget something important maybe?

„Alright. But if there is anything please call for me?“ you whispered, fearing if you put more force into your voice it might break.

With that you left the Cardinals chambers and returned to the infirmary.

Taglist:

@hauntedlover03 @adinferix @ghostfangirlsweden @fishwithtitz @pinksweetsxtan @portaltothevoid @bbykens

[dxncingwithastrxnger]

Barbatos Falling in Love with a Cat Hybrid MC (Obey Me!)

A/N: AAAAHHHHHH!! This was supposed to be posted for Barb's birthday, I'm so sorry, guys 🥲🥲 But I got a lil busy and distracted and didn't get this finished up when I was supposed to, my apologies!! So this is very late, but I hope you enjoy it anyways!! Also, I'll be completely honest, these headcanons are first of all, very long 💀 And second of all very self-indulgent considering my MC is a cat hybrid. This also mentions a lot of my own personal headcanons about demons in general, but they aren't necessarily super prominent. Also, I tried to keep the description of the cat features as vague as possible so that everyone could imagine their own details however they wanted, but if any of you wanna know how I personally imagine a cat hybrid MC looking, I'd be happy to share my thoughts on that!!

Side Note: So, apparently Tumblr has a 4,096 text per block limit. However, tumblr did not tell me this, and I had to experiment and figure it out completely on my own. So, there's a couple of headcanons that are separated a little weirdly cause tumblr required me to do so in order to post. It was only just now after I'd figured out the problem and started getting everything ready to post that tumblr decided to give me an error message while I was editing that specifically mentioned the text block limit. That error message never appeared previously 🤦 So yeah, might be weird break up points, so my apologies!!

Pairing(s): Barbatos x MC, Diavolo x MC (Implied/Mentioned), slight Diavolo x Barbatos if you squint

Tag(s): Mention of panic attacks, slight reference/implication of trauma, slight blood, I guess? Lemme know if I missed anything!

Word Count: 3,277

Not beta'd, all mistakes are my own.

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[Author Masterlist]

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-When MC first came to the devildom, Barbatos was…intrigued. Slightly. Even during his frequent visits to the human world for various things, he’s never really interacted with humans very much, mostly just for transactions. In fact, the human he’s interacted the most with in decades is Solomon, as offending as the man is. And Solomon is a lot of things, but a hybrid is not one of them. So, it’s been years since he’s actually taken time to really speak to any humans, let alone one that’s half animal like yourself. Usually, he still wouldn’t think much about it, but maybe it’s the way you immediately went on the defensive and took a swipe at all of them the moment you were summoned, or maybe it’s just that he was immediately charmed by you just like all the others. Either way, he found himself keeping an eye on you.

-Barbatos doesn’t exactly love cats the same way that Satan or even Solomon does, but he does prefer them over most animals, especially dogs. He finds them extremely amusing and sometimes even sweet. Which is why he takes interest in noting all of MC’s cat behaviors and mannerisms. Like how you stick your tongue out in a new environment, trying to do so discreetly so that you aren’t questioned about it. Or how your first instinct is not to use a napkin, but to groom yourself, whenever you spill something on the fur along your arms or sometimes even your legs. One of his favorite habits of yours is your cat-like vocalizations. No matter what the situation or what emotion you’re feeling, you always end up letting out various sounds that usually only a cat makes, whether you’re in the middle of speaking or not. He has to admit, whenever you let out a happy mew or chirp, he has to hide a smile.

-He didn’t know it at the time, but the moment his intrigue and curiosity became full-on investment is quite clear now that he thinks about it. He had gotten up at his usual time of night to start making preparations for the Young Master’s day, and as he started a quick cleaning sweep of the whole castle, he discovered something strange. There’s a small crawl space in the left wing of the castle that the Little Ds frequent and sometimes he’ll stop and say hello as he passes by, should any of them be inside it at the time. And yet, this time, he finds scratches. Surface scratches on the wall on either side of the crawl space and deeper scratches in the hardwood floor right in front of it. He couldn’t help but be concerned. This isn’t something he saw coming, nor did he sense anything amiss in his sleep. And the Little Ds are never this destructive. The only logical thing for him to do is check inside the crawl space. And so he opens it up, and is stumped by what he finds. It’s…you. Curled up into a tight ball and covered in…one of Lord Diavolo’s spare blankets. A heavier one, that the Lord prefers on colder nights.

-Where in the world did you get one of those? How did you even get into the castle? As he continues to observe, he notices that you’re asleep, though it doesn’t seem like you’re actually getting much rest. And there’s Little D No. 6 and 7 snuggled up right beside you, also asleep. He kneels down and clears his throat, touching your arm gently. And as he had hoped, you woke up. But then you were flinging the blanket in his face and trying to push yourself further back into the corner despite not having any room to do so. The Little Ds are startled and scamper away, behind the butler, while Barbatos watches as you position yourself much like an animal getting ready to pounce. But you don’t. Instead, you hiss and growl at him, the sounds echoing through the long, mostly empty hallway.

-Your lips are pulled back from your teeth, your feline canines glinting in the low light. Usually he wouldn’t care for gentleness. You’re intruding into the castle and it’s his job to get rid of you in case you are a danger to his Master. Or in the case of a human from the exchange program, he must at least send you back to the House of Lamentation immediately. But as he opens his mouth to speak, he hears something that makes him pause. Among the warning sounds to stay back, he hears…a whimper? And so, he takes a moment to sniff the air. And that’s when he realizes. This human isn’t shaking with rage. They’re shaking in fear. The smell of terror wafts from you in deep waves, and now that he’s paying more attention, your eyes are darting around, your pupils dilated as you try to watch every piece of your surroundings. He sighs and moves back, deciding that not crowding you in is best. You’ll be easier to deal with if you’re calm, he tells himself. Nothing more.

-He moves to the opposite side of the hallway, directly across from the crawl space, and sits on his knees, watching you with a slight tilt of his head. The Little Ds, however, stay nearby. And as patiently as he can, he waits. Slowly, your hisses and growls quiet, and your body relaxes slightly. The fear is still in your scent, but now there’s also curiosity and…a slight sense of embarrassment? After a few minutes have passed, you slowly slink out of the crawl space and crouch right in front of it. Then he watches you hold a hand out to the Little Ds and help them crawl onto your leg, a slight smile appearing on your face as you do so. Oh? He then calls your name, and immediately your ears flatten back against your head again, and you look at him with uncertainty. And then he questions what you’re doing in the castle and how you got in, in the first place.

-You quietly explain that some of the Little Ds led you inside. From your description, Little Ds 2, 4, and 5. Apparently, earlier that night at the House of Lamentation, Lucifer had gotten angry and yelled at a couple of his brothers. MC incidentally caught Lucifer’s attention while he was still upset and got caught in the crossfire, which greatly frightened you and caused you to run off. You found yourself outside and lost, not realizing you were right by the castle grounds until the Little Ds stumbled upon you. And for some reason, they felt the need to bring you inside. They’re the ones that also brought you the blanket, trying to help you stay warm. But then it started storming and due to what had already happened, it spiked a panic attack. That’s where the scratches came from.

-And usually, he wouldn’t care much for a sad tale from some random human. But here he is, watching you look around anxiously, tail wrapped tightly around your arm and ears flattened, scent dull like you’ve already accepted that a terrible punishment is coming your way, and he finds that he absolutely can’t stand it. This image in front of him is wrong. The scent coming from you is wrong. And for the life of him, he can’t place why. Nor does he know why he goes easy on you throughout the next day. The only thing he requires of you is that you explain to Lord Diavolo what happened and you work in the castle for a day, including cleaning up your own mess. The Young Master holds nothing against you, unsurprisingly, and from that day on, Barbatos was keeping an even closer eye on you, with one very strange question running through his mind. Just what did the human world do to you, hybrid?

-When you start to take more of an interest in Lord Diavolo, Barbatos is torn on how to feel. On one hand, whenever you and Lord Diavolo spend time together, both of you are filled with so much joy and delight. It makes his heart feel a little warmer at the sight. But on the other hand, he feels something slimy and hot crawl around his insides at the same exact sight, especially when it’s confirmed that what’s happening between the two of you is heading towards something romantic. It doesn’t take the Lord too long to notice, either. He’s the one that informs Barbatos that what he feels is jealousy, which surprises both of you. Jealousy? Why would he be feeling jealousy? And then the Young Master suggests that he join them for tea one day, take a break to enjoy new company, he says, with that damn twinkle in his eye.

-When he first sits down at the tea table set out in the gazebo overlooking the lake, the last thing he expects is for all of your attention to fall on him. You turn your entire body in your chair to face him, your ears perking up and your tail twitching in his direction, a bright, warm smile on your face. You hold your teacup in both hands, close to your chest, and start speaking to him. Complimenting him. The tea set is so pretty, you’ve never seen anything like it, and the tea itself is amazing. Does it have an herbal base or is it more similar to a black tea equivalent? The Young Lord must’ve told you about his interest in tea. And so, he answers you. Gives a slight chuckle as he thanks you and tells you all about the tea. And he’s delighted to realize that not only do you listen to everything he says, but you retain all of it as well. Ask him even more questions. And at some point in the conversation, he finds himself smiling for no reason other than the fact that he’s enjoying himself. And soon after, he feels your tail brush against his arm. As soon as you realize he’s noticed, you apologize, claiming it has a mind of its own sometimes with a sheepish giggle. And as you look away he notices that a flush has risen to your face. How curious.

-The first time that Barbatos finds a dead bird on the windowsill of a castle window, he thinks nothing of it. It’s something that happens from time to time. Until a few days later when he finds not just one, but two. One outside of his own window and one outside of Lord Diavolo’s. It’s too specific for him to see it as mere coincidence, so he stores both birds and watches out for more. And like clockwork, twice a week on the same days, one, sometimes two, birds would appear on both of their windowsills. When he asks his Lord about it, he doesn’t know either. It was purely accidental that he found out the reason. One day at RAD, he overheard Satan speaking to a few of his brothers and he went on some ramble about cats. The butler was only partially listening, but his interest was peaked when he heard mention of cats leaving gifts for people they enjoy the company of. Most cats will kill small animals, like mice or birds, and leave them on windowsills or near front doors or anything similar, sometimes even by a bed or other place the person frequents. And the thought came to him. Are the birds from you? A supposed gift for him and the Young Master? And so, the next time birds are left at the windows, one of the first things he does is ask you to the castle that same day.

-After you arrive, he presents you with the birds from that morning and asks if they’re from you. Immediately, your tail starts swishing behind you, and you look not anxious but…shy, and flustered. You ask if the birds are okay, or if there’s a different animal he and Lord Diavolo would prefer. He can’t help but laugh. Not at you, but at the absurdity of such a question. And at his own emotions in response to the confirmation that you’ve been leaving them gifts. Leaving him gifts. And when he tells you that the birds are perfect, that they can be used for many meals and other things, your tail stands straight up as you let out the sweetest of feline chirps. And for some reason, he feels a slight flush rise to his cheeks

-One night, the Young Master decides to host a dinner party with all residents of the House of Lamentation and Purgatory Hall. Both demonus and human alcohol was brought out and everyone was having a good time. The Young Lord especially was having so much fun that he invited everyone into his private common room after dinner was finished, insisting that Barbatos himself take a moment to sit and relax. He follows his Master’s orders, as he always does, and takes a moment to sit down and observe the others. And that’s when he feels a warm weight against his side as someone takes up the space beside him. Immediately, he turns in the direction, ready to tell off whoever it was, when he lays eyes on you and freezes. You’ve snuggled up beside him and placed your head on his shoulder, looking up at him with hazy eyes. You tell him unnecessarily that you’re just a little bit tipsy. And then you comment that he’s cozy as you wrap both of your arms around one of his, your tail quickly following. And then you spend a moment sniffing his shoulder. He’s unsure why until you suddenly start rubbing your cheek against the same spot. Since meeting you, he’s started doing a bit more research on cats to learn more about things they do and why they do them, how to read their behavior and such. And one of the things he read is that all cats have scent glands within their cheeks and they use those scent glands to mark their scent on people they’ve claimed as “theirs”. He instantly looks away and tries to ignore the burning of his cheeks. He lets you stay there all the way until the brothers drag you back home.

-Barbatos is not emotionally naive. He just finds the concept of romantic love and care very difficult to understand and therefore hard to detect immediately. But eventually it reaches a certain point in which the fact that he is falling in love is absolutely undeniable. Such as the case with that silly little cat hybrid. And within that realization, he’s realized that you’re the one who’s been making all the moves in his direction. Well, that just won’t do. If he is to accept your romantic pursuits, then he must return them as well. And so, he requests for a very rare day off and invites you to spend the day with him.-First, a breakfast at the castle that he personally makes for you, making sure to include a mix of your favorites and his own. The two of you eat together in his favorite area of the garden, right by the acid tulips that he was happy to tell you all about when you asked. And then, when he asks what you want to do next and you tell him that you’d like to do some of his favorite activities, in order to learn more about him, he lets out a surprised chuff. With how energetic you are, he was genuinely uncertain whether any of his preferred hobbies would actually keep you entertained.

-But to his surprise, you bird-watched beside him with eyes of wonder and hung onto his every word as he told you all about the different bird species the two of you encountered. And when it came to herb gathering, mainly for teas, it seems you not only had an interest but also a knack for it. All he had to do was describe an herb to you and you’d be able to find some of it almost quicker than he could. Almost. He supposes your feline hunter instincts help a lot with that. And speaking of your hunter instincts, when the subject of lunch is brought up and he asks what you’d like, you simply ask him, “Bird or fish?” He blinks at you and says fish slowly, unsure as to what the question means. And then you tell him to…stay. You’ll be right back. Intrigued, he does as you say, listening carefully to your near silent footfalls as you bound through the trees head in the direction of the river not too far away. He hears a series of splashes for the next few minutes before you start making your way back to him. As you appear in front of him again, you have…fish. Multiple in your arms and one being held in your mouth, all of them already dead. It’s like the butler’s fondness for you grows tenfold in that moment, as you look absolutely adorable. Your tail swishes and curls high in the air, a sign that you're happy with yourself, if the grin on your face didn’t already reveal so. He gives you a warm smile and chuckles softly as he takes the fish you’re offering him and thanks you. When you release the last fish from between your teeth, there’s a thin stream of blood coming from the corner of your mouth. It would be a completely dishonest statement if Barbatos said that he didn’t feel a strong urge to kiss you in that moment. He has to look away and take a step back when you simply lick the blood up as if it’s nothing new, in order to prevent himself from doing anything impolite.

-Seeing as you caught fresh fish, he brings you to a place he and the young master tend to camp at occasionally where he’s able to make lunch for the two of you, which you both eat happily. And for the second half of the day, he asks to learn about your own hobbies, places you’ve come to enjoy since coming to the Devildom. And over the next few hours, you take him to all kinds of places, from your favorite lounging spot to your favorite place to shop. By the time it’s time for dinner, you’ve brought him to a little cafe in town that you enjoy spending time at and the two of you stay there awhile and chat over a meal. The entire day was an absolute delight and he takes it upon himself to personally escort you back to the House of Lamentation, especially with it being night now. The walk is slow but enjoyable, and at the front gates of the house, he says goodbye to you, however, you pause. A pink comes to your cheeks as you step forward and before he’s even processed the action, your lips are on his. You kissed him. Very few have ever been so bold, and definitely not a human. He places a hand on your cheek and a hand on your waist, both touches gentle and light, as he returns your kiss, a slight smirk on his face as he pulls away again. “I thank you for allowing me such a delightful experience.” He bows to you, and you let out a ‘mew’ before turning away and hurrying up to the house. He finds himself humming an old tune with a small smile on his face the whole way home that night.

~*~

A/N: Please let me know what you think!! I very much hope you enjoyed writing these out, so I hope you enjoyed reading them as well. I'm thinking of writing more of these for the other dateables, so keep an eye out for those 👀 Also!! Unlike with Barbatos, I will actually be posting something on Mammon's birthday in a few days!! I've already gotten quite a bit of it written out and it's very spicy 😏 So keep an eye out for that as well ^-^

[enlitment]

top 5 frev women?

Thanks for the ask! Oh, this one's going to be tough as well. But let's see...

Lucile Desmoulins

Much more than a pair of fine eyes, Lucile was, like her husband, heavily invested in politics. She shared Camille's convictions and is even reported to have defended him in front of others. She did pay the price for her loyalty in the end, when she was only my age (though it should be noted that the whole Germinal/Indulgent business is much more complex to be accurately presented in this short overview of course).

I also really like her writing! Her 'advice' to Marie Antoinette is definitely quite something. Go read it if you haven't! Her diary is also at times quite relatable. ("I feel that I am born to live far from men. The more I examine them, the more I seek to understand them, the more I see that one should flee from them.”)

Bonus - my favourite quote of hers on women's place in society:

To hear [men] speak, we are celestial beings, nothing is equal to us. Ah! may they deify us less and leave us free!

2. Simone Évrard

I have to confess I was sleeping on Simone for the longest time, but she is such an interesting figure! She continued to be so supportive of Marat even when times were incredibly tough for him. I'm convinced he wouldn't be able to achieve half as much as he did if it weren't for her. She then went on to defend his legacy long after his death, despite the fact that it caused quite a few problems for her. I find her incredibly inspiring!

3. Charlotte Robespierre

Listen, I'm always going to appreciate a single lady who made it her life's mission to try and take charge of the narrative.

In all seriousness, I'm still not quite sure how her mind worked, but I find her incredibly interesting. Especially the way she seemed to be so protective or Maximilien (re: Éléonore?), both during his life and after his death. She also seemed to have been so strong-willed, much like her brother, perhaps even more so. The fact that she accompanied Augustin to suppress the revolt in Nice is still kind of mind-blowing to me. And the fact that she was supposedly going to marry Fouché at one point? One of my favourite historical what-ifs, honestly. Just imagine!

(That said, my knowledge of her is quite lacking. If anyone can recommend a good biography on Charlotte, I'd be really thankful!)

4. Olympe de Gouges

Okay, here's a controversial one!

Obligatory 'am not a Girondist!', but I feel that I still have to give her some credit for her feminist ideas. Yes, her feminism was centred on upper-class women, but I still see her contributions as an important first step. Déclaration des droits de la Femme et de la Citoyenne is one of the most crucial documents in the history of feminism in my opinion.

I also appreciate the fact that while classist, her feminism was much less 'white-only' than that of a lot of women that came after her (case in point a lot of the Seneca Falls suffragettes in 19th century America). Again, not all of her views on slavery probably stand up to the test of time, but I will always appreciate anyone in the 18th century who expresses abolitionists sentiments, which she did.

She is also the author of many of my favourite french revolution era quotes:

"A woman has the right to mount the scaffold. She must possess equally the right to mount the rostrum."

She has a point and honestly? Well said.

(Side note - also kind of obsessed with her address to Robespierre. "I suggest we should bathe together in the Seine but to entirely depurgate you of those blemishes with which you have smeared yourself since 10th June, we should attach sixteen or twenty-four pound cannon balls to our feet , and together race into the flood ….")

That said, the narrative that she was executed for her feminist views is both incorrect and extremely tiring.

5. Pauline Léon

How can I not mention the leader of female Sans-culottes herself? To counter de Gouges, let me mention another French revolutionary feminist that is - in a lot of ways - an antithesis to Olympe, since she was: a) a radical republican b) a member of the working class.

She seemed to have been incredibly courageous and always managed to find herself right in the centre of the action (Bastille, Champ de Mars...). There are unfortunately not that many resources on her as on some of the other female figures, but I think her story is incredibly important. More so for the fact that she was one of female revolutionary figures we know at least something about that wasfrom a working class - as opposed to upper class - background.

My favourite fact about her is that she wanted to establish all-female militia group to defend the country against counter-revolutionaries. Not going to lie, it was a wild proposal, but it would be kind of amazing to see it happen.

(It was not easy to find her portrait, but this should be her I hope?)

[incomingalbatross]

Things about Gus:

He has ALWAYS lived a compartmentalized life. His parents didn't approve of Shawn, so his friendship with Shawn meant half-living over at the Spencers' as a kid, and putting "friend" and "home" in separate boxes.

This seems to continue into adulthood; Gus loves his parents and family, and maintains good relationships with them, but he also doesn't seem to share a lot of his outside interests or priorities with them. (Though I'm on S2 of this rewatch so I may not have all my data.)

He also compartmentalizes, as many people do, while at work. He's good at his career, knows the ins and outs of his workplace and coworkers, and puts in the work to stay in good standing there...but at the same time his work friends have NO presence in his life outside of work, and his job has very little overlap with the rest of his daily concerns. He knows which coworker hand-makes her own pasta and which routes have just opened up, but he also checks off his duties as quickly as possible and spends the rest of his work hours quietly coasting.

Psych, of course, is his hobby/side job/true calling, depending who you ask and when, and very much bound up in his friendship with Shawn. Gus clearly loves and is invested in it and equally clearly does NOT want it, or Shawn, leaking into the other areas of his life.

FURTHERMORE, however, Gus has even more interests and hobbies that are sectioned off even from Shawn's attention—mainly because Shawn thinks they're nerdy and absurd. He's a nerd! He got all excited about the Santa Barbara con. He knew several cosplayers there by name. He is WAY into Harry Potter. He collects coins and plays online poker and frankly gets up to all kinds of stuff that he doesn't talk about at work or with his parents or with Shawn. I know in my heart that he has a Livejournal.

Oh, and let's not forget he got married in college and never even mentioned it to Shawn until it came up.

Anyway! My point is, Gus is used to compartmentalizing his life, and when considering whether or not he thinks of himself as "normal," I think it's important to note he probably has a very relativistic understanding of "normal" as a concept. His double-act is considered weird and immature by most people, yes. But most of his hobbies would ALSO be considered weird and nerdy by most people, INCLUDING Shawn. And on the flip side, he probably knows that most of his coworkers have "weird" hobbies or interests of their own that just don't come up, and he definitely knows most of his weird fandom friends are leading "normal" lives irl.

So I think his response to the question would be...is he normal? Well, normal in what context? He can fit in well with a variety of people, and that's as much as anybody can truthfully claim, isn't it? What's normal for his parents isn't normal for work, which isn't what's normal around his nerd friends, which isn't what's normal around Shawn.

And like. There are some valid points there. It just completely misses the fact that he and Shawn together are an unhinged pair of 12-year-olds in adult bodies and no one else is reaching their native levels of Nonsense, ever.

[only-lonely-stars]

Dragons Rising Season 2, Part 2 - Many Thoughts

So... because I don't have Netflix and can't actually support the creators, I watched the leaked Season 2 Part 2 episodes. I have a ton of thoughts. SO MANY SPOILERS under the cut!

Okay, first of all. Loved the concept, some of the execution was a little iffy... feels like a lot of Dragons Rising, so I'm not surprised. The ending was satisfying enough to make me want more.

Comments on Season 2 Part 2:

As I've come to expect, the animation was spectacular. It makes up for a LOT of faults, and the big fight at the end genuinely had me invested. I am LOVING the way they're handling it.

The Motion Source Dragon asking Lloyd to be her champion was... an interesting choice. Felt forced, but it ended up okay. I wouldn't have made that writing choice.

LOVE the murder mystery, it felt more original than most of the season. No notes.

Another tournament? Given that S4 is one of my favorites of the original show, I had to love it. And it turned out great!

Bleckt always felt sus. Glad to be proven right there.

It's about time we had some conflict between Arin and Sora. Was she really never going to tell him the truth? Of course it would backfire...

PALEMAN!!!! WE LOVE PALEMAN!!!

Frak is a good side character, I want to see more of him in S3.

Okay writers, go ahead and stab me and twist the knife. I knew the Jaya reunion would hurt, but I DIDN'T WANT IT TO HURT LIKE THIS! I am this close to writing a fix-it fic - it was done so well.

Was anyone else ready to break something after seeing how obvious the "rigged games" twist was? The characters not acting on it feels like weak writing...

The rotary phone joke was done well. I appreciated it.

Lloyd's not-so-prophetic dreams are beginning to get on my nerve circuits. (By the way, BRING BACK PIXAL, PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU.)

Wyldfyre and Roby are an interesting pairing... just weird enough to work. Not sure I love either character, but the ship is good!

Cole finding his mother's mech actually made me cry. Add it to the list of fic ideas! ;v;

Last but not least, Arin's corruption arc... wow! I honestly didn't think the writers had the guts to do it. Whether it actually pays off, I'm on the fence, but the fact they were willing to try it earns a lot of respect from me. I love that choice.

Hopes and dreams for Season 3:

Seeing more of Jay. Can we please get him back where he belongs? My Jaya-loving heart aches. Also, handling the whole wolf mask thing.

While I'm on the subject, I also hope we see: Pixal, Master Wu (in the flesh), the various Ninja's parents, Princess Vania, Harumi, Lord Garmadon, Dareth, Benthomaar, and/or the Metalonians!

Diving into Arin's arc a little more. I'd love to see him genuinely grapple with his morals and goals. My ultimate dream would be for him to be unaffiliated with anyone. Let him be a lone wolf if he wants!

More character growth for Sora and Wyldfyre. This half of S2 really made me care about them. At least for Wyldfyre, that's new! For Sora especially, I'd love to see more confidence... and maybe that friendship with Jordana playing out.

KAI! Kai doing ANYTHING. Watching him run around an M.C. Escher drawing every once in a while was not that satisfying.

More about the dragon ivory. It was such an interesting bit of lore, I want to know more.

How will Lloyd use the Motion icon/sword thing? In a moment of dire need? Probably, but what moment?

PLEASE let's go back to SHINTARO please I am on my knees--

Final rating for the season: 8.5/10. Has room to improve, but I still really liked it!

[dual-domination]

I posted 662 times in 2022

97 posts created (15%)

565 posts reblogged (85%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@the-marron

@huntress1013

@jaimebluesq

@zhu-yilong-laying-on-things

@pangzi

I tagged 591 of my posts in 2022

Only 11% of my posts had no tags

#guardian - 78 posts

#dmbj - 71 posts

#zhu yilong - 71 posts

#zhao yunlan - 65 posts

#mdzs - 61 posts

#wu xie - 50 posts

#bai yu - 42 posts

#shen wei - 42 posts

#nie mingjue - 42 posts

#the untamed - 37 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#i just wouldn't take xiexie to the desert island bc if he and zyl are there i'm going to stay alone.... if you know what i mean jksjkskjs

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I am so sorry, but you two made my day. Literally made me giggle like a teenager. Thank you so much. OK, new ask.

Pairing: Lan XiChen x Jiang Wanyin

AU : The frazzled babysitter

You're welcome! It's my pleasure to serve the humor and comedy 😆

So here we go again:

Little menaces

Xichen tried to not give up. Coffee and energetic drinks weren't working anymore. He wondered why his didi and his (twice?) brother-in-law got cute sweet children like a-Yuan and tiny romantic Zizhen, meanwhile he got Jingyi and a-Ling. Just one of them was enough to make him keep the two eyes very open, but the two, together… a true nightmare. A-Ling would fight over his jiujiu's attention - against Jingyi AND against Xichen. And Jingyi would fight back because… well, because he was who he was: the less Lan of all Lans. 

LXC: Sometimes I wonder if there's any chance of Jingyi being actually a Nie changed at birth…

JC: Sometimes I wonder HOW Wei Wuxian managed to raise such a calm son while a-jie's child is… this full-time upset baby Peacock…

JL: A-Ling is not a peacock! 

JC: Your dad is a Peacock, and so are you.

JL: Mean jiujiu!

LXC: Wanyin, making them cry won't help…

JC: Helps me to get my revenge for what they've done to us.

LXC: They're just small babies… we have to love them.

JC: I love my peacock nephew. 

JL: A-Ling is going to tell everything to xiaoshushu!

JC: Just like you, he's not a big thing. 

LJY: Jin Ling is a coward!

JL: And you are what??

LJY: I'm a fucking badass NIE!

Next time they'd have to babysit, Jingyi definitely would stay with Mingjue and a-Yao, even at risk of learning at least five more bad words and cursing to Lan Qiren's horror.

47 notes - Posted August 10, 2022

#4

Now that my husband loves Mo Dao Zu Shi, I can send him stuff I find on Tumblr. So I sent this one for him...

And he sent it back to me and told me he fixed it:

He doesn't want to be a Lan anymore. He wants to be a Nie, have a respectable mustache and qi-deviate like man.

He says: The Mustache is Canon.

93 notes - Posted July 8, 2022

#3

POV: Meng Yao never left Qinghe

Part 1:

* MY, immersed in business papers. *

NMJ: What are you doing?

MY: Long-term investments.

NMJ: For what?

MY: For good reasons.

NMJ: I was not consulted. 

MY: War is your business, investments are mine.

NMJ: Shall I remind you who Qinghe Nie Sect belongs to?

MY and NHS looking at each other from opposite sides of the room.

NHS: Da-ge, shall I remind you who you belong to?

NMJ: I sense a conspiracy here…

( @novas-grimoire I blame that tweet... and my obsession in Nieyao fix-it stuff)

97 notes - Posted July 2, 2022

#2

It's been a while since my hand tremors returned and it's been rare for me to feel like painting - especially since I've lost a lot of motivation since Traditional Art has become underrated in light of digital art.

But then this wonderful Guardian fic by @the-marron left me overly emotional and I can't get out of my head everything I felt while reading.

So, Marron, a quick painting of someone who wished he had the talent to convey your impeccable writing on a canvas, but really just has a lot of feelings.

Fun fact: it's the first time in over twenty years of being part of fandoms that I've tried to paint something for someone else's fic.

You can find this little literary treasure here:

When I walk past the mountain peak, it doesn't speak

(It took a lot of courage to post this 😅)

140 notes - Posted August 31, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

See the full post

467 notes - Posted June 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[emisirrelevant]

The Winchesters/SPNWIN Season 1 Finale Review Thoughts

So I was able to watch the final/finale episode of The Winchesters Season 1 today- and here are my thoughts. Like I mentioned from the very beginning since I started watching this show, I never watched the original Supernatural series.

However, despite that, I still enjoyed this show somewhat without having knowledge of all the lore.

I thought this episode did a pretty decent job tying things up (for a prequel) and especially on a good note (despite the fact- which I now know from consulting a friend who DID watch Supernatural- that John and Mary are going to end up dying no matter what). I liked that we finally saw Dean interact with his parents- and some other familiar faces like Jack and Bobby showed up.

I'm not sure if this show will get renewed, but if it doesn't, I think that they ended it in a way that could just be left there.

If it does, I'm excited to see what they could do with a new season. There's definitely some good storylines that could be followed from the background of the characters we learned about.

Finally, if The Winchesters does get a second season, I only have one suggestion. I absolutely LOVED seeing Carlos and Latika's dynamic together in this show. I want to see more of that with different pairings of the core four for this show. We saw a bit of Carlos and Mary, and Carlos and John. But something that always slightly irked me is that they never showed lots of Mary and Latika.

Now before I get jumped, I UNDERSTAND the focal point of this show is John and Mary. They are the main relationship, yes. This show was about Dean's parents, not the side characters. But it always bothered (for lack of better words) me that we even saw some more moments with John and Latika than we did with Mary and Latika.

I'm not 100% sure and I don't want to assume, but maybe they didn't show us Mary and Latika moments on the same level as the others' dynamics because of the most obvious reason. At this point, I don't care if it would have upset people. They CAN show platonic female relationships. I just feel like I didn't get enough of that with Mary and Latika.

Alright, that's it. That's all she wrote. For now. If Season 2 of The Winchesters/SPNWIN happens, I know what I want to see. And if this is the end of the road, then I will just say that this show was good at giving me something to watch every Tuesday. And hopefully Meg Donnelly gets even more gigs after this. She has so much potential. As do the rest of the actors, they all did great as well. I just wish them all success.

Thank you CW for another show to get invested in. I'll miss seeing these people on my screen (especially my kin list- Ada, Millie, Latika, and Carlos) but I thank you for bringing them into the world at least, and not cancelling the show before it started.

See y'all next time. Until the next mildy average CW show comes along.

[raleighcarreras]

if i die young

Part 1: bury me in satin, part 2 , part 3 , part 4

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Black!fem!reader, Yelena Belova x female original character

Rating: M

Wrd Cnt: 2.4k+

Summary: You had heard the story countless times. In fact, the odds didn't seem all that impossible. One day, you're minding your business, the next, you're swinging through the city, after a spider bit you right on the face. Being a hero was pretty rewarding until the Black Widow is sent to stop you at every opportunity. You just wished you knew why she cared so damn much.

Warnings: canon typical violence, post nwh and MoM but no one is dead except tony, reader lives up to the spider-fam in the quips department, Natasha has feelings but boy is she trying not to, eventual smut, angst (but tasteful)

Notes: probably about 5 parts don't plan on it being long. please reblog and comment. The intro song is Trust by Neon Trees. Also of course 18+ only, minors and ageless blogs dni, I do not authorize anyone to use my work in any shape or form without express permission.

"That's the thing about trust"

One of your favorite pastimes was watching the New York City sunrise. It always had been. One of those things your parents would gently shake you awake for, hand you a toaster waffle or donut, then drag you onto the fire escape.

That had been good then, but this was great now. Now, you had the best seat in the house. The very top of the Bank of America Tower.

You're not entirely sure why you chose this particular building, it was no where near your apartment and it took forever to get back down to street level, but you chose it and it was yours now.

You hadn't been able to figure out how to program your web shooters to...well... shoot web at nearly that great a distance yet, so instead, you had to crawl up the side of the building for most of your journey.

The first time you scaled the building, you had been surprised the spot wasn't already taken. You knew there were at least two other "spider-people" in NYC and you figured this would have been prime real estate.

As you perched atop the building you grabbed your notebook and began sketching. You were getting tired of the ole black jumpsuit and mask you had been wearing. It was becoming tattered anyway. It was high time you looked like those other dweebs in tights. Maybe then, people would finally start taking you seriously.

You don't even get three strokes of your pencil in before the low buzzing in the base of your skull starts and it's time for you to step into action. Or rather, step off the building.

As you plummet toward the rapidly approaching asphalt in search of imminent danger, you can't help but think about how you got yourself into this mess.

Six months earlier

"Do you think I can get an interview with Pepper Potts?" Your bestfriend, Kamilah, asked you with an excited squeal.

"A job interview? With her personally? Hell no. But I'm sure the hiring department would be happy to see you."

You had been working at Stark Industries for almost two years. You weren't anyone super important but your job was nothing to sniff at either.

"You're the assistant head of tech. What do you know?" Kamilah huffed and crossed her arms.

You rolled your eyes, "What do you need a job interview for anyway? I thought you liked your New York Times gig."

Kamilah scoffed as you used your ID Badge to enter another room. Your office, for some reason, was just beyond the new branch of insect research Pepper had wanted to invest in. Finding out why was way above your pay grade.

"I do but you have to secure the bag somehow. You never know, maybe I just so happen to interview with Pepper, I strategically drop my pen, bend over to get it, then boom I'm the sexy, young house wife of a MILF and a stepmom."

You had half a mind to close the door in Kamilah's face. But unfortunately, your morals won out.

"Would it kill you to be normal? I'm already pulling every string known to man to get you this article interview with my boss. I'd have to get on my knees and tie my hair up to get you an interview with his boss!"

Kamilah bit the inside of her cheek, "You could use the action. It's gotta be like the Sahara down there."

You could only glare at her as you knocked on your boss' door. He opened it with a perpetually happy flourish and shook your companion's hand. Not that she deserved it.

"Kamilah Walter, for the NYT interview, I presume?"

Kamilah smiled that charming smile that you only saw when she wanted something, "One and the same. Thank you for your time, Mr. Foreman."

"Ah, call me Chase. Mr. Foreman is me but for people I don't like." He led the two of you away from his office and back toward the research area.

You tried not to visibly grimace at all the bugs on display. Chase must have noticed your look of confusion, he gestured into the room with a proud smile.

"This is what we requested the interview for. We plan to make this an off shoot of the tech department."

Kamilah looked at you, you only shrugged in return. You had known nothing about this.

"Top secret kind of thing, I'm sorry. Until today of course. We've been studying how to generate electricity with insects. Sort of like how the human brain does. We've actually powered this section of the building for an entire week without anyone noticing." He giggled like an excited schoolboy.

You gestured to a glass case illuminated with blue and yellow LEDs, you weren't stupid enough to walk up to it, but in the end that wouldn't matter, "I thought spiders weren't insects."

"They're not. They're arachnids, different thing, but they serve the same purpose in this case. They've all been enhanced in some way. Radiation, extreme climate, shockwaves. That's where the research part comes in. Trying to see what works best. The different colored LEDs designate treatment. Green is radiation. Red is extreme heat. Blue is extreme cold. And blue and yellow is electric shockwaves generated by the tech they're helping to power. A recycler's dream. Probably less than ethical, but Hell, what isn't nowadays."

You watched as Kamilah furiously typed everything your boss was saying in her notes app. She was probably recording too. You made sure to leave them to their devices and went back to your own office.

You never felt the bite. You never felt anything crawling around on you. You didn't even see any evidence of anything happening to you at all until three entire days later.

It started with a headache and a gnarly bug bite on your forehead. It ended with you sticking to the goddamn wall. And somewhere in the middle there you had charged your laptop by just touching it.

You were buzzing. You were buzzing. Like a damn electrical wire you were buzzing!

You didn't tell Chase. You didn't tell anyone but Kamilah. If only because someone had to tell your parents and siblings what happened just in case you fucking died.

Your senses were enhanced.

Kamilah had promptly fainted when you showed her you could stand on the ceiling. You had moved quickly to catch her and place her on your bed. She weighed about as much as a carton of eggs and you ripped up some drywall on your way down.

The only thing that kept you from freaking out too much was the fact that you had heard of this happening before. Twice before actually. The first guy it happened to...you could have sworn you knew his name once upon a time. Perry...Perez...? Ah it didn't matter. The second one, he was newer. You only knew of him what you saw on the news. He often wore a jacket over his suit, and he had a really nice pair of Air Jordans.

Nevertheless, you were not alone, and even though you had no intention of following up on it any time soon, it seemed there was only one logical conclusion.

Present

You don't think you'll ever get used to the feeling of swinging.

It was against your body's very nature. The physics alone would theoretically rip your arm right off your body.

But as of six months ago, psychics didn't really apply to you.

It took you forever to figure out how to locate a threat as a result of the low buzzing in your skull. But even now, when you're 125% sure you're swinging as fast as you possibly can in the right direction, the buzzing isn't letting up and the screams. Oh god, the screams you hadn't heard until now, they just keep getting louder and more blood curdling.

The smell of smoke is what hits you next, but you're still what has to be at least six miles out. The sirens come next and you're doing everything in your power to keep up.

Your brain, even before the bite, worked like a computer. Always going, always knowing. But despite its constant going, you were currently lacking any sort of knowledge.

What would you do when you got there? How would you know who to help? Would they even let you?

There was no way you'd be the only savior on sight. You were in New York for crying out loud. Maybe, it would be best for everyone if you just stayed off to the side and observed until you were absolutely needed. You had only been on the job for six months, your benefits hadn't even kicked in yet.

As you arrived on the scene, that was exactly what you did. Perching on a fire escape and taking note of the chaos.

The first thing you decipher is fire. A big one to be precise. Your computer powers or maybe just electricity powers (six months and you still hadn't exactly figured that out because what the hell did computer powers even mean) weren't needed to figure that one out.

There's some choice Avengers already on the scene. Mainly the ones with limited powersets. Maybe the Avengers had rankings like the military.

There's a Hawkeye. The girl one. The Winter Soldier, whom you could have sworn was in jail. Lastly, you're not the only spider-related person as there are two Black Widows. A redhead and a blonde. The latter of whom you're pretty sure who life you just saved as you sent an electromagnetic pulse through the ground. Sending her opponent (some kind of half man half robot thing) sprawling.

The redhead looks up in your direction with a glare and you stop in your tracks. You feel like you've been caught with your hand in the cookie jar, and you have the overwhelming urge to run. Contrastingly, you can't look away.

Like any normal human, you mask your uncomfortableness with humor. So, you point down to the woman in black with a teasing smile that she definitely can't see.

"I'm honored that you feel the need to clock me as a threat, but you're about to get clocked in the jaw by a robot arm."

Ah maybe you skipped funny and went straight to annoying.

She dodged the aforementioned punch at the last second, but you didn't bother to stick around and wait for a 'thank you'. You hadn't been much help anyway.

~•~

The feeling that you're being followed comes in spurts in the following days.

Always when you're out patrolling the streets for would be muggings and never when you're alone and vulnerable in your apartment.

You have a sneaking suspicion you know exactly who is on your tail. You weren't surprised, not really. You had been joking when you suggested that she was clocking you as a threat, but you had a feeling The Avengers kept tabs on everyone and everything with enhancements that they could.

"You can sneak out of the shadows all international super spy-like whenever you're ready. I'll just be here, sitting on the edge of this building all alone."

You weren't scared of Natasha Romanoff (yeah you had done some research). The buzzing in the base of your skull would have gone off if you thought she was going to snipe you.

You weren't scared of Natasha Romanoff, but you sure were intimidated. Even when she slinked out of the shadows a little less than all international super spy-like.

You could hear her combat boots crunch against the rooftop with clarity. You were glad she was behind you, lest she see you cower under her gaze like you had the other day.

"You're losing your touch there. Are your targets supposed to know that you're trailing them?"

"Only when I allow them to." Her voice, rough with staying silent so long, wormed it's way into your brain. You were overwhelmed again.

You patted the slab over wall next to you, inviting her to sit down. She didn't and you laughed, "So? What do you want? I'm not trying to cause trouble, I just want to help."

And that was true. You just wanted to help. Sure, you didn't have the tragic backstory or the training, but you had the power and it would be unfair to everyone if you kept it to yourself.

"You're causing trouble by trying to help."

With that you turned to her with a deep frown. Your breath did well not to catch in your throat. She wasn't wearing her suit, no, you probably weren't important enough for that, instead she was wearing dark jeans and a matching leather jacket, a band tee underneath. As if she had more important tasks and had remembered she needed to bother you at the very last second.

But that was beside the point. The point was: she had no right to say that to you! You hadn't made any extra trouble by helping. You had even saved her colleague from getting dented by that cyborg thing. Instead, you had severely dented it. Hell, you did the same for her.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Your irritation crept into your voice and she clearly found it amusing.

"It means stay out of it. We don't need any other liabilities."

You weren't a liability. You could hold your own. Sure, you had been a little frightened. And all that screaming had definitely scarred you for life, but you could do this. You knew you could. You had no choice but to be able to do this.

"Then just don't worry about me. I can hold my own."

"It doesn't work like that."

"Why not? You're a damn spy, Romanoff. You should know better than anyone that it can work like that. You just won't let it. Do the Avengers have some sort of monopoly over the hero business?" If she's surprised you know her name she doesn't show it. You're a tad disappointed in that and you're not sure why because you only found out from a quick Google search.

"You're a stubborn one, aren't you? Look, it's clear you don't know what you're doing," She gestured to your suit, or rather, lack thereof, "So, go home. And stay out of it. No need to potentially get yourself killed over this."

Why can she do it, but you can't?

[sakura-ame-no-ai]

"bring a jacket next time."

pairings: tetsurou kuroo x reader

genre: fluff

notes: in japan, their way of checking the time is much different than america. they use 24-hour clocks. so if it was 1 in the afternoon, it would be counted as 13:00 for them.

a/n: it felt like some special holiday for me today and i don't know why... but seriously, how is my last kenma fanfic getting so much love istg- anyways, enjoy this fanfiction! i couldn't think of a good title for this on... :sob:

you sneeze suddenly when a gust of wind blows against your legs. it is indeed cold outside, but the shriveled leaves scraping their way down the street makes it seem much colder.

"why does it have to be so cold on a beautiful night like this..," you mutter to yourself, wrapping yourself with your arms.

too bad you didn't contemplate on bringing a jacket with you before bursting through the door with kuroo calling behind you.

well, now you feel a little guilty remembering that you lied to kuroo that you were going to buy some snacks at a nearby konbini. in reality, you just want to spend most of the night searching for some shooting stars.

you make a brief trip to the park, to which you find everything abandoned. that one big red slide that you always see children fighting to have their turn on is now empty and lonely. the swings seem motionless, too. however, they still rock back and forth every now and then when a chilly breeze rushes by. the seesaw is tilted down at an angle, making one side touch the ground full of woodchips.

you search for that favorite brown bench that has legs made out of an elegant black metal of some sort. soon, you discover it sitting under a big maple tree silently. it faces a metal fence that is as high as your waist, which a beautiful view of a huge lake stretches out on the other side of that fence. you don't hesitate to plop down and make yourself comfy on the bench, admiring the wavy reflection of the glittering stars and moon on the water's surface.

you could stare at such a view all day...

well, you would if you had brought a jacket though.

the cold night air wraps around you, trying to embrace you in a friendly way, but all it does is make you shiver and lift your feet onto the bench. you hug your knees and bury your mouth and nose inside your arms and knees, cursing to yourself about why you were stupid enough to not bring some warm clothing before setting out.

"just like i thought," a voice that sounds very familiar booms out from behind you, making you flinch.

you turn your head around to see a bedhair walk up to you with a cheeky grin.

"tetsu?!" you squeal, a little shocked that he actually know exactly where you were. "how did you know i'm here?"

kuroo is bundled up in a scarf and his nekoma jacket. he also has a thick piece of folded cloth draped over his right arm, making you assume that it's probably a blanket.

"i've never seen you that eager to do some shopping at the konbini, kitten," he replies, taking a seat next to you.

"you've always been a fan of sceneries outside, so that gave me an idea."

you give him a look of amazement, awed by the fact that he knows you very well like you're his child or something. however, it isn't long before kuroo bonks you on the head.

"you little rascal~ why didn't you bring a coat? it's like below 25 degrees celsius, and here you are, hanging out at the park, short-sleeved, and without a jacket or coat."

you whimper at his remarks.

"well, you know i was excited, tetsu..," you pout, puffing your cheeks out.

he chuckles, "nobody was blaming you, ok?"

kuroo takes a moment to peel off his nekoma jacket and place it over your shoulders. you gratefully hug it over your shoulders. other than the fact that it smells strongly of that lavender body soap you gave him, the jacket felt warm from kuroo's body heat, making you feel safe.

an unintentional smile slips onto your lips and you readjust your gaze to the sky.

"say... do you think there will be any shooting stars tonight?"

kuroo lifts a brow before fixing his gaze at the sky as well.

"oya? hunting for shooting stars?"

you nod eagerly, continuing to look up attentively.

"mhm! you told me that it's shooting star season!"

the branches of the maple tree above you sway gently, swishing its leaves together to create gentle rustling sounds.

kuroo smiles and points towards one of the stars.

"do you know how stars are formed, n/n?" he asks you, his finger directing your gaze towards the appointed star.

you squint to make a more intricate observation of the star while racking your brain, trying to remember your astrology lessons at school.

"well... don't stars form from accumulated gas and dust in space?" you finally conclude, remembering one fact your teacher has emphasized back then.

kuroo nods happily.

"yep. stars form when the gravity of the dust and air collapse together, which makes them heat up out of pressure."

he continues to ramble on about how stars mostly contain hydrogen and helium, the lightest elements to exist in the universe, and how stars are, in reality, exploding balls of gas.

you listen patiently as he explains. you are always interested in his nerdy science talk, as well as the way he is invested in his own world when a discussion related to a scientific topic arises.

it takes him a little bit to finish his explanation with a sneeze.

of course, he's not wearing his jacket. that's why.

you take off the jacket you were wearing and hand it to him.

"you're gonna catch a cold, so take your jacket back."

however, he pushes it back into your chest.

"no, kitten. you have it. i'm worried about you more."

you begin to pout, angry that he's always caring for your health instead of his own.

"no, kuroo," you say with an upset look. "this is not my jacket."

you two begin fighting about who should wear kuroo's jacket, exaggerating the possibilities of not wearing one and lecturing one another.

"that's it," kuroo sighs, looking troubled.

at first, you are confused by his words.

"what do you m-"

it was at this moment that kuroo covers the blanket that you forgot he had brought onto his back and then trapping you inside his arms, wrapping your body inside the blanket.

"there, now we're both warm," he smirks.

you take a while to understand the situation you're currently in before blushing madly. you look up at him, only to see that usual proud smirk on his face. he obviously did this on purpose.

"tetsu?! what the actual hell?!" you scream.

"oya? anything wrong?" he asks a little too 'innocently', pissing you off.

you growl back, "of course, you dumbass! people might see us and take this to like a million different wrong directions!"

"kitten, it's almost half-past 23:00. it's really unlikely that we'll be seen since most people are asleep."

you can't counter back, because that sly cat is right. most people are asleep at this time, so it's highly unlikely that you'd get caught like this with kuroo.

you have no idea how to react, so you decide to lean your back against kuroo, resting your head on his chest. at least, you realize that you feel much warmer than wearing his jacket. in the end, you start to relax, paying closer attention to the steady rise and fall of his chest while he breathes.

"do you ever see stars as memories when you look at them?" you ask kuroo, tilting your head upwards to meet his gaze.

"sometimes," he smiles, looks at one of the stars.

"like that one near that giant cloud reminds me of when i stole your meat from your lunchbox."

you cough.

"do you think this is a great time to bring this up??"

he only smirks at you. "you asked if i get reminded of anything when i look at a star."

you pout a little and fix your eyes to another star and point your finger towards it.

"well, this one reminds me of when yaku beat your ass for stealing meat from my lunchbox."

you two begin talking back and forth, saying which star represented which memory, laughing about the old days, and fighting about various things, like who should've gotten to eat that scrumptious piece of steak.

as you come back to argue about the lunchbox situation again, a white streak catches your eyes, snapping your attention back to the sky.

"look, tetsu! shooting stars!" you exclaim.

what kuroo turns his head to look at the sky with you.

sure enough, more streaks of white rain down like a slight drizzle.

"hurry up! make a wish!" you tell him before clasping your hands together before your face and close your eyes.

kuroo looks at you, then back at the sky. after a while, he closes his eyes and makes his wish.

i want to stay by y/n's side, even after i graduate.

however, he doesn't say it out loud. instead, he wraps his arms around your chest after you have finished making your wish.

for the first time in forever, kuroo gives you the most genuine smile that you've ever seen, which surprises you since you're so used to his cheeky smirks. it reminds you of honey and its sweet flavor.

"you know, kitty, we could do this next time," he coos in the sweetest voice you've ever heard him use.

"did you think i'd stop you?"

"ummmm..."

you look side-ways towards the tree beside you before give him your honest response.

"weeeeell, i thought you'd tell me it'd be too late into the night to do something like this and that i wouldn't be able to wake up if i stay up star-hunting."

kuroo chuckles, petting your head lightly with that big hand of his

"things like this are exceptions."

your eyes light up to his words. he has officially announced the permit to stay up searching for shooting stars that you adore a lot. it makes you very happy that you smile back warmly.

"thank you, tetsurou," you sigh, leaning into his chest comfortably.

"it's nothing, y/n."

he continues to stroke your hair in a soothing way as he maintains that genuine smile on his lips.

"just bring a jacket next time, or star-hunting will be off-limits."

[hanazou]

matching onesies with him.

Books : Dazai | Chuuya | Oda

Shelf : Mixed

Genre : Fluff, domestic

Note : I did this of my own accord because I am, in fact, a softie

Dazai Osamu

This clingy crackhead.

Dazai will be the first to come up with the idea. It's actually a random one and he asked it so spontaneously, he doesn't expect you to actually say yes.

"Sure, why not?" You agreed.

He's both surprised and elated, and he didn't hide this reaction at all.

"Oh, darling!" He wrapped a hug around your neck. "You always revive my heart with your love!"

You both will be enthusiastic about picking the onesies and agree to surf the net instead of looking from shop to shop since Dazai is under the supervision of a certain angry Kunikida

It almost feels like babysitting. Not that you hate it right? Should you get an identical pair with different sizes? Or complementary ones?

Dazai will call the customer service to ask if they have black crow onesies since crows represent death in some cultures. The response is obviously no and it's obvious that the customer service was confused.

"That's a shame," Dazai whined disappointedly, shoulders dropping. "Wouldn't it be both cute and poetic if we had a double suicide while wearing matching crow onesie? Two achievements in one!"

At that point you wouldn't even be surprised anymore. You will just take the phone away from him to apologise and thank the customer service. You have to convince Dazai that you won't find a onesie of that kind

"Wait, don't tell me," You stared at him. "The reason you want to get onesies is just to wear a matching crow pair?"

"Is it?" He grinned mischievously. "Maybe you're right, maybe you're wrong, but I just want to match with you."

Other ADA members will wonder what you and Dazai were doing, Kunikida the most. He isn't exactly curious, more like suspicious. What's that good-for-nothing Dazai up to now?

Eventually you find a pair of identical ones. Kind of rare designs too! Guess what?

Crabs! In red! The little eyes on the hood!

It will take less than a week for the onesies to arrive in a small box. When it does Dazai will pull out a cutter so energetically Atsushi will think he's going to pull a suicide attempt with it

"AAH! Dazai-san! No!"

Nothing will happen aside from Dazai stabbing the box (while making sure he doesn't cut the onesies inside. he's good with blades, ex Port Mafia and all)

The crab pincers for your hands are soft like mittens and so smooth???? Imagine sweaterpaws but with crab pincer mittens (!!)

It will take everything in you to stop Dazai from wearing it that instant since a client Fukuzawa talked about will be coming. You will need Atsushi's help to take it off him but let's not talk about it

Both of Dazai's legs are already in the onesie too..

It seems like Kyouka wants one. Yosano and Naomi will tell Atsushi to buy the girl one and match with her

When Dazai and you go home together, he will be so excited to wear the onesies immediately. Dazai will be light on his feet.

And when you finally put yours on? Pictures. Dazai will take lots of pictures of you. You're a piece of art and he wants pictures so he can recall the image anytime

"Oh, dearest~ How is it possible for you to be so cute?" He began his dramatic poses, a hand over his head while spinning like a ballet dancer.

You both will take a lot of couple pictures.

"Love, you are so adorable I want to eat you!"

"Is it me who's cute or the crab?" You teased back.

When Dazai makes a troubled expression to answer your question, you will have to pinch him 💢

If you can cook crab soup, wouldn't it be funny to make and eat one with Dazai while wearing crab onesies? He will be so clingy when you do it, like an old school married couple; when you cook, he'll be bugging you while hugging from behind. It feels cozy, don't blame him

You have to be keen with your eyes so you won't miss Dazai secretly pouring ajinomoto to the soup. Get him a healthier diet, I'm begging you.

"Look, the crab is red like us." He pointed at the soup. "And like your face when I do this." He took advantage of you turning your head to peck your cheek.

He will also pinch your nose with his pincer mitten. "Boop!" It's a challenge. Boop his nose back.

You think he's already as clingy as he can be, huh? Wrong. You are absolutely wrong. If he previously sticks around you like a magnet, this time he's glued to you.

Even in the shared living space, he won't let you go. Is it the softness of the onesie under his touch, the warmth, or your cuteness? Well, it's all of them. What then?

Snuggles.

You both cuddle together in the futon until falling asleep together. You feel twice as warm.

He's the big spoon, let him feel the smoothness of the onesie while feeling your heat. And for once, the double suicide joke stopped for the rest of day. That's how much this impacts him, and you're proud of him.

Nakahara Chuuya

Matching with Chuuhuahua in a onesie? You lucky fella.

You have to be the one initiating it with Chuuya. Baby boy will be like "Eeh?" at first. He's not against it at all but more like, confused. The request is out of the blue

"Come on, why not?" You tilt your head. "It will feel so soft to cuddle with?"

That's it, that's the spell for him to agree

Mans is a Port Mafia executive, you can't go out from shop to shop in a mall to get your onesie with his schedule, so you have to settle with online shopping with this guy too

Only when he has time to spare from beating up people

You will sit together on a couch at the headquarters once Chuuya and you don't have missions. It's a good chance to relax and unwind together too

Chuuya knows best where to find clothes, including onesies. There are so many options! Dinosaurs, frogs, bears, Sanrio characters, Doraemon, Pikachu, Line characters, pandas, unicorns, penguins!! (I should stop fantasizing Chuuya in each of them)

Chuuya will act cool and chill about it at first, but he actually got invested in choosing and thankfully he isn't a crackhead unlike a certain someone

He has a good fashion sense I don't accept criticism, and this side of him will jump out while both of you scroll the catalogue. He nails both street wear and mafia outfits daily, so you can bet he'd pick the best onesies for you both

"This one doesn't suit you," He moved to the next option. "These are the only colours available? Pass.", "What's with the unnecessarily long tail?", "Oh maybe this? Wait, I don't like the stripes."

Of course, he will listen to your opinion too but since you feel he's better at this, you just either nod or shake your head with him

You have to be careful with your words when picking the size (this is much more valid if you're taller) or he'll go "I'm not that short!"

Kouyou and Mori (+ Elise) will catch you both on the couch together while browsing, comfy and all, and Kouyou asked what you two were doing. Chuuya's face will be as red as wine.

When you want to explain, his gloved hand will cover your mouth and he frantically shakes his head, screaming "Don't!" silently.

But alas, while you want to tell him there's nothing to be embarrassed of, Kouyou will take the phone from your hand with a curious grin and a "What's this~?"

Chuuya will just accept fate at that point, growling to himself and all

Kouyou and Mori won't expect to see a catalogue of onesies, apparently. The "Huh," on their faces are hilarious, and Mori will be instantly inspired to get a full set for his Elise-chan, much to her distaste.

While Mori and Elise are going at it, Kouyou will actually share her opinions. Chuuya will crawl out from his burrow of embarrassment and listen to her with you.

"Rather than identical ones, these would be much better. They have variety." Kouyou said. And you both will agree. You both have been eyeing a specific pair anyway

You both will decide to get complementary ones! Chuuya's will be a brown teddy and yours a white bunny! (Try googling Line's Brown and Cony, they're cute you won't regret it) Kouyou will totally agree with the decision.

When the package arrives, both of you will open it together. Chuuya's eyes for clothes are never wrong, the quality is immaculate. So warm and smooth, not a seam out of place.

Imagine the blush on Chuuya's face when you put on the white bunny onesie. The bunny ears on the hood! The fluffiness! His flustered face!

He will be slightly hesitant to put his own on, but when he does, you swear you can die from the cuteness. Want to see more cuteness? Tease him about it, and maybe he'll tickle you down until you're too breathless to tease him.

Chuuya doesn't want to say it explicitly but it does feel really comfortable, it's suitable for winters too.

As usual, Chuuya will be the big spoon. You will melt into his warmth and the smoothness of his onesie, and you can tell he's enjoying it too, from the way he'll drag his hand all over you to feel the smooth fabric

"It's a good thing we listened to ane-san's suggestion, hm?" You asked. "I didn't exactly like the matching penguin pairs."

"Yeah, this isn't bad at all." Chuuya admitted, snuggling his chin into the crook of your neck. "You're so warm."

Oda Sakunosuke

First off I'm Odasaku's lover before I'm anything else.

When the weather gets cold, it's your idea to get onesies for the kids. They could use some cute onesies to sleep in.

Unlike Dazai and Chuuya, Odasaku will have time to spare to go shopping with you. Being the handyman of Port Mafia has its good sides, after all.

The atmosphere is identical to a date! You both meet up at evening after work, have a simple dinner first, then start the shopping. Shopping for the kids' onesies with him makes you feel like a parent doesn't it?

Odasaku and you will make sure not to pick flimsy, thin, or rough ones. Only the best for the kids. Both of you put your keen eyes to use, examining every considered piece

Odasaku and you will definitely discuss whether to get five identical or different ones. After considering that the kids have different personalities, choosing different pieces will sound more ideal. You both will grant them the liberty of picking themselves.

"We just have to make sure they don't fight over it." Odasaku said.

Lion, dinosaur, piglet, panda, and penguin. That's what you both will choose!

Odasaku is a man who doesn't wear his emotions on his sleeves, so you relied on his eyes when it comes to him. You will see love and sincerity. He picks each piece with careful consideration.

The store clerk will throw an unexpected (yet clichéd shoujo) question at you both. "You picked such good choices. We have sets for adults too, why not match with your children?"

Odasaku and you will widen your eyes. First of all, parents? And match? Both of you stare at each other in confusion. Should you get two get a pair for yourselves?

"Why not?" Odasaku eventually said.

Odasaku's will be a brown dog and yours a white cat (remember that one official art of Odasaku with puppy ears? <3)

Odasaku and you will immediately visit the kids and give them their onesies. Their excitement in picking one for their own made you smile, and you can see the joy in Odasaku's eyes when the kids thanked him and you. He doesn't smile, but you don't need him to just to know he's glad his children love your pick. The way he pats their heads already speaks volumes of love.

Thankfully no kid wrestled to get what they want. You were especially concerned Kousuke will compete with someone

Odasaku will bring a secondhand polaroid he once bought at Yokohama's flea market to take pictures of the kids. You will herd the children to gather for the picture while Odasaku looked for the right angle in the other side of the room.

"Why don't you stay there for the picture too?" Odasaku asked you, half of his face behind the camera.

You kneel behind the kids and put your hands on Sakura and Yuu's shoulders, the ones who stood on the far left and right. That much is enough to warm Odasaku's heart, but when you too, smile for the camera, he freezes for a while to take the sight with his eyes

The picture comes out nicely. You will end up convincing Odasaku to take more but with him in it, together, all seven of you. You would need the curry diner owner's help to take the picture

"Sakunosuke, smile, will you?" You held his shoulder while you both kneeled behind the kids for the picture. He would be a little stunned

He smiles, but it was faint. Nevertheless, you recognise the content in his eyes in the photo, and it's enough.

When it's just the two of you in the living quarters, you will have to remind Odasaku that he too, bought a onesie. He will gladly put it on him since you look so eager, he's curious how it feels too

Your heart stops when he put on the hood with the puppy ears. You will have to fight back the urge to attack him with cuddles right there and then when his confused and innocent face matches the onesie so much!

"You're adorable," You smiled half teasingly, taking in the look of confused Odasaku who looked down at his onesie. The weight of the material felt right, it's like a cozy blanket.

"Try to put yours on," He says. When you did, his heart also missed a beat. The kitten ears on your head! The pure snowy white on you!

Odasaku is a bear hugger and when he hugs you, his embrace will feel tighter than usual. It's no surprise, he likes you and cats, and the way you interacted with the kids that day played tricks on his heart. You hug him back and ruffle his head while he mumbles his thank-you's at you

That night's sleep will be filled with nothing but cuddles of love and adoration. Yes, Odasaku is the big spoon, but you will also hold his arms tighter around you as you both drift into the night, chatting about life.

[angellesword]

YOUR EYES TELL | JJK (10)

Summary: You live in a world where people see in black and white. The solution to finally see the colors? It's simple. You need to meet your soulmate and look at him in the eyes, but what if the person bound to you is already contented with the monochromatic world? What if...Jeongguk, your soulmate, is already in love with someone else?

Alternatively:

"A future without you is a world without color."

Genre: soulmate au, e2l, slow burn, angst, fluff, roommate au

Pairing: Artist!Jungkook x Lawyer!Reader

Word Count: 2.9k

SERIES: CHAPTER 9  | CHAPTER 11

Note: I just wanna dedicate this chapter to @jooniebugg coz your feedback in Your Eyes Tell (09) is <333 and it inspired me to write chapter 10! some lines in this update is my response to your comment heheh :*

You were not in trouble, but Jeongguk was.

"Guk," Jimin let out a breath as he closed his eyes. "Slow down, okay? I can't understand what you're saying."

But Jeongguk couldn't do it. He was sobbing uncontrollably that Jimin literally had to tell him to breathe.

Jeongguk tried to follow the instruction of his best friend's boyfriend. Breathe. It should be easy, right? He only needed to stop thinking about you in able to breathe properly.

Unfortunately, it was difficult to get you out of his mind.

"You good?"

Your soulmate nodded even though Jimin couldn't see his face. They're currently talking over the phone. Jimin called him after finding out what happened during the trial.

It was all over the news. Countless of articles were published online. Most of them were unreliable and full of speculations.

Jimin gave up after reading one sentence. He knew he had to call you to know the truth—or at least the fragments of truth. Jimin wasn't really interested in the case; he was only interested to know what was up with you.

Were you alright?

Jimin found some of your decisions in life questionable, yet he didn't say anything. He remained tight-lipped when you told him about your entangled fate not only with Jeongguk, but also with your assistant and client.

Just like your soulmate, Jimin could not understand why you were trying to defend Kim Seokjin. Their reason was different though. Jeongguk's thoughts were selfish. Jimin, on the contrary, was plain curious.

Why were you so invested in this case?

Was it because of your stubborn nature? Jimin knew that once you set your mind into something, you wouldn't stop until you won.

Jimin only learned to accept your competitive side when he realized that you were raised this way.

You didn't choose to be like this. You were actually forced to be like this. This being the case, Jimin was only able to release an exhausted breath after Jeongguk told him what happened in the courtroom.

Some might say that you pushed too hard, but this didn't give Mrs. Kim the right to hurt you.

"It's my fault, hyung. I wasn't there to protect her." Jeongguk bit the inside of his cheek.

It had been an hour since you locked yourself in your room and Jeongguk wasn't sure whether to comfort you or to just leave you alone.

It felt like you preferred the latter option. Jimin told your soulmate that you weren't answering your phone, an obvious indication that you didn't want to talk to anyone. This was also the reason why Jimin decided to just call Jeongguk to know if you were okay.

You weren't.

It was weird, but Jeongguk was positive he could feel your heart breaking. If this was any other day, he was sure that he would simply ignore this, but something definitely changed. Jeongguk didn't know why, but he had this intense urge to embrace you—to make you feel better.

"But you can protect her now, Guk. It will be hard, but please..." Jimin begged your soulmate. He didn't want to burden Jeongguk; however, the latter was the only person who could comfort you right now.

As much as Jimin wanted to embrace you, he couldn't. He was in Busan, his hometown, at the moment. Jimin was processing some important documents because he's planning to ask Taehyung to marry him.

"W-What can I do to make her feel better?" Jeongguk stammered. He's nervous, but he's decided. He couldn't let you go through this alone. It hadn't even been a day, yet he already missed your goofy side.

"You're a smart boy, Jeon. You'll figure out what she wants."

What do you want?

Jeongguk's heart was recoiling once again. He realized that he never knew what you wanted since you were always catering what others wanted.

You were a people pleaser.

"But if nothing works, just call her parents." This was Jimin's last reminder before ending the call.

Your soulmate didn't understand why Jimin thought it would be a good idea to call your parents. Jeongguk was pretty sure he could bring the smile back on your face without the help of anyone. He just needed to make sure you were not in some kind trouble first.

Jeongguk opened your laptop to send an email to your boss and other clients, telling them that you were taking a break from work.

Jeongguk was tired by the end of the week. Jimin was right. It was difficult to help you get back on your feet, mainly because you weren't trying.

You stayed in bed most of the time, you barely touched your food, and he felt like you didn't even want to live.

You looked so unmotivated that in the end, Jeongguk decided to just message your parents and invite them to your apartment—this was the reason why he was in trouble.

"You can't just do this without consulting me, Jeongguk."

His scowl deepened when you called him using his given name. You only did this when you were serious or mad. In this case, he figured out that you were mad—or at least he thought you were mad. Your voice was rough, similar to the tone you used when you were inside the courtroom.

Jeongguk was scared.

He was scared to upset you again.

"But Jimin-hyung told me to call your parents!" He reasoned out. Blaming your best friend was the only way Jeongguk could think of so that he could finally escape your piercing glare.

It worked.

Your expression softened a bit, though this didn't mean that he wasn't in trouble anymore.

"Jeongguk," this time your voice sounded tired.

"Y-Yes?" He pretended like he was busy sweeping the floor. Everything needed to be perfect because your parents would be here shortly.

You already accepted your tragic fate. It was decided. You were going to meet your mother and father today.

Damn it.

"Why did you block Hoseok's number?"

You saw how Jeongguk froze after hearing your question. No doubt, he was guilty.

"I-I didn't do it!" He lied.

You narrowed your eyes at him.

"You're not a good liar..." Amusement was now dancing in your voice.

Jeongguk had been using your phone to respond to your prospective clients. These people just didn't know how to stop. They kept texting your personal number even though Jeongguk told them that you were on a leave.

Your phone didn't have a passcode that's why he was able to freely access it.

You didn't mind. In fact, you were grateful. He saved your career. If he didn't send a notice of leave to your boss, you were sure you're gonna get fired.

"I'm not lying!" His lips protruded into a sulky pout. "I didn't send those messages!"

"Huh." You arched your brow. "But I only asked why you blocked Hoseok. I didn't say you texted him using my number."

Jeongguk's eyes went wide.

He was instantly busted.

"H-He was spamming you with useless messages!"

"I don't think so," you shook your head as you read the conversation. His excuse just kept on getting worse.

 "Wow. You're cold," you could imagine Hoseok's disbelief upon seeing the thumbs up emoji. It was actually apparent by your friend's response.

 "Jeongguk..." You called his name again.

"What!?" Why was he getting annoyed?

"You don't want Hoseok to kiss me?"

Jeongguk looked like the emoji he sent to Hoseok.

"And why would I want that!?" His chest was heaving up and down. You couldn't see, but his face was as red as tomatoes.

You suddenly laughed, causing Jeongguk's heart to swell in joy. This was the first time he heard you laugh after weeks of getting used to your impassive face.

Were you finally moving on?

Jeongguk guessed you were. Your expression literally changed the moment your parents arrived.

You looked happy to see them—too happy that Jeongguk felt like he was only imagining your annoyed expression a short while ago.

Didn't you say you hated the fact that he invited your parents to your place?

You did say that. Unfortunately Jeongguk had no idea how much you hated talking to your mom.

You swore you loved her with all of your heart, though her principles were different from what you believed in. It was draining to pretend like you agree with her.

"So how's the case you've been handling, sweetheart?" Your mother's sweet smile made you cringe.

It hadn't been long since she pulled you inside your room to 'talk.'

Your parents had already met Jeongguk. As expected, they loved him. Your soulmate made it very easy to like him. Perhaps it was because of his eyes. Damn those big, doe eyes. It never failed to make your heart melt.

"Good." You walked towards your bedroom door. "Let's go back to the kitchen. I think Jeongguk prepared some desserts."

"Dessert could wait, dear." Your mom offered you another sickening smile. It was the kind of smile that told you to give up. She always had her way of making you follow what she wanted you to do.

"Come on, eomma." You laughed nervously as you told her that your soulmate was excited to let her try his yaksik, a popular dessert that your mom truly loved.

You didn't know how Jeongguk found out your mother's favorite dessert. You just knew that you were willing to eat dozens of yaksik just to get away from your mom. You didn't even care if your stomach was still full after eating the lunch your soulmate had cooked.

Your mom only shrugged her shoulders as if she didn't hear what you said.

"Tell me about the Kim's case." She demanded as she meticulously inspected your wardrobe.

Your heartbeat doubled.

It was easy to simply give into what she desired because you were certain that she wouldn't stop anyway.

Sadly you couldn't speak—not anymore. Not when you knew how all of this would go.

You wanted to move on from this nightmare on your own. All your life, you relied upon what your mother would say.

"You can't be sad over this. It's nothing compared to what I've been through!"

"Stop crying. You just think you're hurt. You're not."

"No. You can't. That shows weakness."

These were some of the things your mother would say whenever you encountered problems in life. She honed you to be this strong person who wasn't allowed to mope.

You remembered her telling you that it was insensitive of you to cry over little things when it was clear that so many people had it worse than you.

This was exactly why you didn't want to meet your mother today. She would force you to stop feeling bad about Seokjin's case since it was petty.

It was funny actually. People admired you for always ignoring the pain you felt.

You found this toxic. It felt like you were expected to be strong—making you feel like you should heal right away and not with your own pace. This was also the reason why you found it hard to open up to people, even if you were really close to that someone.

Your mother made you feel like there would always be some kind of adversary when it came to handling inconveniences in life. Sometimes you wished people would shut up and just listen. You didn't always need advice. What you wanted was for them to stop quantifying pain because people had different tolerance when it came to feeling what's painful and what's not.

"I think I lost," it took everything not to cry in front of her. At the end of the day, you were still afraid to be perceived as weak.

She had that much control over you.

"Why did you lose?" Her voice was stone cold.

Your response was automatic. You told her what happened during the trial in spite of telling yourself that you would never get swayed by her authoritarian nature anymore.

"You don’t have to answer. I know now why you lost." She crossed her arms as she shook her head at you.

"Didn't I tell you? You lost because you didn't acquire enough knowledge." She proceeded to tell you what you already knew.

Your mom always said that knowledge is power, but the word "knowledge" that was delicately tattooed on your Achilles heel said otherwise.

For you, knowledge is downfall. This was why you chose to have that word tattooed on your Achilles heel—a part of your body that symbolized fatal weakness.

You were working as an auditor before you decided to go to law school. You knew this field inside out and it came with a price. You helped a firm conceal fraudulent acts using your knowledge.

It was a dangerous thing. Your mom tolerated your unprofessionalism since she was a major stockholder in the said company. She actually pushed you to continue the misrepresentation; however, you were guilty.

You couldn't do it anymore. You couldn't use the power you acquired to fool people. Law school taught you to uphold justice, but you were blinded once again.

You failed to see the impact of your actions to Soobin, an innocent soul. Maybe your mother was right. You were bound to fail your law career. Maybe you should just go back to the corporate world and help billionaires to achieve their disgusting scheme.

"Sorry," you swallowed hard, looking straight into your mother's eyes. "I'll do better."

"You should be." She gritted her teeth as she continued to invalidate your emotions.

You wondered when the torture would stop. You just wanna lie in bed and sleep the pain away. Luckily Jeongguk came knocking on your door, saving you from your mother's poisonous words.

"Wait," Jeongguk stopped you from following your mom to the living room.

"What's wrong?" He cupped your face; worry was evident in his eyes. You looked like you were in pain.

Did your mother say something to you? Jeongguk wondered.

"Nothing." But you brushed him off before he could ask.

Jeongguk pursed his lips into a thin line. He swore something was wrong, but he didn't want to push it since it was clear that you were not in the mood to talk about it.

But he couldn't stay still knowing that you were bothered. This being the case, he went out of his way just to make you smile.

Jeongguk was being such a good boy. He kept on praising you in front your parents. He was also respectful towards them. His jokes were appropriate and he smiled so kindly at them.

His lingering touch on your wrist, waist, and shoulders didn't go unnoticed by you. It was like he was guarding you from any possible danger.

"What do you think about this, my sweet daughter?" Your father showed you his artwork with a proud smile.

You chuckled.

Jeongguk was teaching your father how to draw.

"You did great, Appa!" You weren't lying. He had done a good job sketching The Hulk.

"Really? What about the color? Do you like it?"

You nodded eagerly. It wouldn't hurt to lie, right?

"I like the shade of green that you used."

You were expecting your father to smile back because of your compliment. Sadly, he only stared at you blankly.

"What?"  A nervous giggle escaped your lips.

Your parents and even Jeongguk were making you feel awkward. Why were they looking at you like you were a poor, poor soul?

"This Hulk is color pink." Your father said softly, making your breathing hitch.

He was trying to show contrast. The Hulk was the personification of rage. He colored him pink because in your world, the mentioned color symbolized gentleness. He wanted you to see in his drawing that people should be gentle even though they're angry.

You ruined it.

They probably know by now that you were lying when you said earlier that you could see colors.

Why did you even lie?

Why couldn't you just tell them that Jeongguk wasn't in love with you?

"Ah," you scratched the back of your head. "Is it pink? Sorry, Appa. I'm still trying to learn colors."

Your lie was understandable. You told your parents that you met Jeongguk a few months ago. It was impossible to know all colors in a short period of time.

You knew you weren't a great liar, but damn. When you looked at Jeongguk, he was smiling as he mouthed, "it is okay," to you.

He was saying that you were doing well, that you didn't ruin what your father had been wishing for: he wanted you to be loved by your soulmate.

You felt like Jeongguk loved you.

You couldn't stop staring at your soulmate as he continued to smile brightly at you.

In this moment, you swore you could see the brown in his eyes.

Or so you thought.

You just couldn't have one peaceful day, could you?

"N-No..." Your voice broke, tears falling down on the sheet of paper you were holding.

Your parents already left. Jeongguk was kind enough to drive them back to their hotel.

You were alone in the house.

The paper in your hand was mocking you, telling you that you would forever be alone in this house.

TRANSFER OF OWNERSHIP IN A CONTRACT TO SELL Vendee Jeon Jeongguk of  Room 13, Apartment X, Seoul, South Korea—you stopped reading the next words.

You couldn't believe it.

Jeon Jeongguk was going to leave you.

[qianinterprises]

WayV Reaction: finding out their S/O has Borderline Personality Disorder

Pairing(s): WayV x Reader Genre: angst, fluff Warnings: mention of mental health, depression, anxiety, symptom's included in BPD. Trigger Warnings: depression, anxiety, hostility, mention's of self-harm, self-doubt, low self-image Word Count: 3.9k

Author's Notes: I'll be honest and say that I had to research Borderline Personality Disorder. I knew what it was/had heard of it before, but in order to write something accurate, I tried to educate myself. If you believe that you have BPD, please don't be afraid to go to a doctor or a trusted friend/family member. Your mental health is important.

Author's Note 2.0: I also want to mention that (as per earlier request), I am also working on a YangYang fic that features a reader with Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm not entirely sure when it will be posted (soon hopefully), but it is in my WIP's.

Author's Note 2.0: Kun's is a little different, I apologize for the difference and the shortness. Tagging:@treasuretaeil

Kun:

Kun was in the middle of dance practice when his phone began to ring. At first, he let it go to voicemail, but by the third ring, Ten paused the music and Kun grabbed his phone out of his coat pocket, expecting to see your name popping up on the screen. You were at home today after a particularly rough week at work that had left you feeling spent. Kun longed to be home with you, holding you tight in his embrace. As his eyes met your next door neighbor's name on his phone screen, his stomach dropped. Mrs. Huang only called when it was really serious. "Hello?" he asked into the receiver. "Oh thank goodness!" she cried, voice laced with anxiety enducing agitation. "What's wrong?" "It's (y/n)! They've brought me five big tins of muffins! I can't possibly eat all of these! And they've gone to the store twice with ingredients! I think something's wrong! Kun sighed. This morning, you had been so happy. You were practically singing to the birds. He knew it wouldn't last though, especially with the week you'd had. "I'll be there soon!" Kun left practice without another word and when he got home, he found you in the kitchen, covered in flour, vigorously mixing a creamy liquid in one of your metal mixing bowls. The kitchen was covered in ingredients; flour puffed on the counters and floor, broken egg shells on the table, a half empty measuring cup of milk teetering on top of the fridge. It was bad this time. Kun knew you had borderline personality disorder. It had been something you'd told him in the beginnings of your relationship. He had seen you at your worst, and at your best, but it still broke his heart every time he witnessed you at a breaking point. "(y/n)?" You paused in your vigorous mixing, eyes glancing up to meet his. He didn't say anything, eyes locked on yours, but his eyes held no pity. Instead, they held pure, unfiltered love that had you putting the whisk aside. "Do you love me?" you whispered. A small wisp of a smile reflected across his face as he crossed the room, arms wrapping around your body. "More than anything," he whispered.

Ten:

You and Ten had only been together for a short amount of time; three months to be exact. It was an exhilarating three months. Time you wouldn't give for anything in the world, even though you didn't get to see each other often with Ten's very busy schedule. However, after the "Kick Back" album released, WayV was allowed to take a break as SM turned their attention to the scheduled release of NCT Dream's first album. Normally, Ten would then be whisked away for some SuperM promotion, but with Baekhyun's enlistment, SuperM was also allowed to take a break as the company decided what to do. Which ultimately meant you got to spend more time with your boyfriend, which, most would deem as a good thing and, you were happy he was there, however, it became a lot harder to hide your little secret from him. Your best friend, Kun, had introduced you to Ten (and the rest of the members), when Kun officially became a member of NCT. Kun and Ten had immediately hit it off as friends, which meant you also spent a lot of time with Ten, thus leading to a blossoming friendship and later attraction. So Ten lying in your bed snoring softly wasn't that far of a stretch from a common day encounter. The difference was, today, you didn't feel like yourself. Being in a friendship with Ten meant that, yes, you saw him often, but not often enough that you couldn't keep parts of yourself private. Which is exactly what you did, especially as your tiny crush on Ten grew into something mutual, eventually leading to a relationship. The truth you were so afraid of revealing was your disorder. Borderline Personality Disorder. A disorder you'd been diagnosed with since you were a your teenager. You'd been teased and bullied for it when a classmate you'd once called a friend announced your disorder to the entire school. This, in turn, had terrified you of ever telling anyone, which you had gotten away with. Ten didn't know and, if you had it your way, he'd never know. He was an idol. What did he need with a girlfriend with this disorder. However, with him hanging around a lot... "Hey? What's wrong?" Ten's voice snapped you from your thoughts. You'd been so distracted you hadn't realized his soft snoring had ceased. "Nothing," you said softly. His lips pursed, perplexed as he softly reached a hand up to brush across your cheek, something he'd done several times. But today, you didn't want it. You shied away from his hand, curling yourself up on the opposite side of the bed, cursing yourself for acting different than usual, but you couldn't help it. Ten didn't bat an eye. He simply gave you a soft smile and sat up in the large bed, but he didn't try to touch you again. "Feeling sad today?" he asked. You nodded meekly. "Would you like to talk about it?" he asked. You paused for a moment to think it over. You truly didn't. You wished you could keep it a secret forever, because Ten might leave you. But you also knew that the stress was taking it's toll on you. "I have Borderline Personality Disorder..." you whispered. He didn't say anything at first and you were preparing yourself for him to call you a freak and leave. Instead, he stretched his arm out and softly wrapped his pinky around yours. "I don't know much about it. But I promise I will learn," he whispered. Tears brimmed your eyes because finally, someone wasn't going to leave you.

WinWin:

You had never been much of a touchy person. Holding hands was one thing, and even then, something you weren't wholly comfortable with, but hugging was completely different. You didn't care much for hugs, especially from complete strangers that often found you rude for rejecting their hug. You barely even hugged your own family, let alone a total stranger. This was possibly what spurred on your relationship with Sicheng who, also didn't care much for physical affection, despite the fact the other members of NCT practically drowned him in it. Your relationship was just... different. At least in the minds of society because you didn't cuddle against Sicheng's chest constantly or plop down on his lap just because he was sitting down. Instead, you preferred wrapping your pinky around his or draping one of his sweaters over your shoulders. This worked for the two of you though others found it strange. However, there was an anomaly that Sicheng, though you had been together for a little over two years, had no idea about. This anomaly included the fact that sometimes, you liked hugs. Sometimes, all you wanted to do was drape yourself over your boyfriends lap and let him hold you until your mind screamed at you for the overload of affection. Sometimes you wanted him to wrap his arms around you in bed and fall asleep with you on his chest. That's what happens when you have Borderline Personality Disorder, and it wouldn't have been that big of a deal if Sicheng had known, but he didn't. It started out you longing to keep it a secret in the early days of your relationship. It wasn't something you advertised very often. However, as your relationship progressed, you knew you should have told him, but as five months turned into six, it became a crushing weight of guilt for not telling him in the beginning. Sicheng had already invested a lot of time and love in the relationship when you had not been wholly honest with him. And the more time that passed, the harder it was for you to get the words out. At this point, it wasn't even your fear of rejection because of the disorder, it was a nagging fear that your dishonesty about the disorder would drive him away from you. That would truly be a crushing point. However, as Sicheng began spending more nights at your apartment, it was getting increasingly harder to hide, especially as your mood dropped or when you suddenly began to crave affection. Times like today. The moment you'd rolled out of bed, you knew you needed some type of affection, but as Sicheng made no advance to give it to you throughout the day, your mood dropped. It really wasn't his fault. He had no idea how you were feeling, but as you finally had had enough and wrapped your arms around him from behind while he was washing the dishes after dinner, you felt him stiffen before grabbing a towel to dry his hands. "What's up with you today?" The question was an honest one, but it still felt as though you were making him uncomfortable by touching him. As your arms slacked from around him, a tear sprang to your eye but you were quick to wipe it away as he turned to face you. "I need to tell you something..." Your voice was wavering. You had no idea how he would respond. He nodded for you to continue, one of his hands gently taking hold of yours, playing with your fingers as a soft sense of relief washed through you. "I have Borderline Personality Disorder." His once blank face morphed into one of confusion. "What's that?" he asked tentatively. You sighed. You had been expecting the question but that didn't make it any easier to define. "Its like having mood swings. One day I feel happy the other sad... Sometimes anti-hugs, sometimes super affectionate." You could tell he was still confused, but as he nodded and wrapped his arms around your body, drawing you against his tall frame, you let out a shuddered breath, body relaxing against him.

Lucas:

Books were never Yukhei's strong suit. He preferred numbers and basic information plotted out clearly in front of him. Books were too all over the place with too much information. He wished they could be like websites that gave him the briefest of explanations with a "read more" feature. Yet here he was, flipping through slightly crinkled pages because he wanted to truly understand, and books were always credited with having the most information. "I have Borderline Personality Disorder," you had explained earlier that day when you had ducked out of the way of one of his mega bear hugs and proceeded to slump your shoulders and beg him to give you time alone. You'd locked yourself in your shared bedroom after that and, although you had texted him to apologize for your behavior, you added that today was just an off day, your disorder really affecting your mood. "Well how can I help?" he had asked. It was your response that prompted him here, pouring over books in the local library hoping to find anything that would help him understand Borderline Personality Disorder in the best way possible. As he flipped through pages and learned, he had begun to feel several different emotions. On one end, he felt sorry that you'd had to go through the disorder alone, but on the other, he questioned why you'd never told him, even after a year of being together. However, a big part of him wondered if maybe you had been telling him, just without words, especially because you'd never tried to hide any of your mood swings. He'd just always assumed you were on your period. As the hours ticked away, Yukhei's eyes remained glued to the startlingly dry books stacked up around him, but as he learned more about the disorder and, by default, more about you, he couldn't seem to stop. At least not until his phone vibrated in his pocket and, as he fished it out, your smiling face met his eyes. He answered the facetime request and gave you a tired smile that quickly morphed into concern when he noticed your bloodshot eyes. "Baby? What's wrong? Did something happen?" "My boyfriend left me! That's what happened!" Were you... pouting? "I didn't leave baby, I'm at the library." Confusion flashed across your face. "Why?" "To learn more about Borderline Personality Disorder." A giggle erupted from your lips and Yukhei sure was glad to hear it, especially after reading texts about BPD leading to depression. "Why didn't you just google it?" His mouth gaped open as he dramatically clutched his chest. "Googling something so important in my significant other's life?! That's scandalous! I should do enough research to write my own 20-page essay!" This time, it was a full blown laugh. "You're a dork!" "I'm your dork!" "Well come home, dork! There's a lot we have to discuss!" Your smiling face alleviated any fears that may have been swirling around Yukhei's chest. With a nod, he slammed a book shut so hard it send a loud, slamming bang throughout the library, prompting nasty looks sent his way. Sheepishly, he waved them off and stood up. "I'll be home soon," he promised, blowing you a kiss before hanging up. Yukhei had taken the hastily thrown news a lot better than you'd expected. You knew he couldn't have learned everything, specifically because it varied person to person, but you knew that he would be there for you, even on your bad days. And that was all you could ask for.

Xiaojun:

Dejun was incredibly perceptive, even if he was incredibly dumb sometimes. He could tell when you weren't quite feeling yourself, even though he often didn't know what was causing it. It was at those times that he did everything he could to put a smile back on your face and make you feel "normal" again. He didn't understand how counter productive that actually was. It was really your fault. You were the one keeping secrets, but as the smile fell from your face the second Dejun traded the couch for the shower, you couldn't help but think that maybe he simply preferred you to be happy rather than deal with you when you weren't. Somewhere in the back of your head, you knew he was just doing what he thought would help, but now, especially in your state of mind, you couldn't shake the aching feeling in your head. "Hey, are there towels- are you crying?" Dejun's voice yanked you out of your thoughts and you brought your hands to your cheeks, rapidly trying to wipe away the clear droplets painting your face, but it was too late. Dejun had already seen. He was shirtless when he perched on the couch beside you, face etched in concern. He opened his mouth, likely to retort off some lame dad joke or tell you some funny story you'd heard a thousand times. "Can you not?" You hadn't meant to snap. The words had simply flown out before you'd had the chance to them. His face fell into a pout that you knew you often fell for, but today, it only upset you more. "Stop Dejun!" The pout fell away. "Stop what? I'm not doing anything!" "You're trying to make me smile!" He blinked, staring at you for a moment. "That's a bad thing?!" You sighed, slumping against the couch cushions, resigning yourself to the fact that he didn't understand. Then again, you didn't let him understand. "Just tell me why I'm upsetting you," he begged, all traces of bad humor gone, replaced with sincerity. "I have Borderline Personality Disorder! My mood fluctuates! And when you try to make me smile when I'm sad or mad makes me feel like you don't like me when I'm not always happy. But I can't always be happy." He stared at you in shock for a moment, mouth opening and closing as if he didn't know how to respond. An appropriate response, you supposed. You'd been friends for a while now and dating for several months, yet this was the first time you'd told him. You were about to get up from the couch, sighing as he didn't respond after several minutes, when he placed a hand on your thigh to stop you. "Why didn't you tell me?" You shrugged. It wasn't that simple. "Can you tell me the best ways to comfort you?" Again, you shrugged. A sigh released from his mouth and your head hung low. "I'm going to do some research. As your boyfriend, I want to make sure I'm making you feel better, not worse. So, while I'm doing that, I also need you to tell me if something I'm doing is making you feel worse. Can you do that for me?" His words were sincere, his intentions true. Another tear fell from your eye, dropping against your cheek, but a smile broke out across your face. "Thank you for caring," you whispered. He pulled you onto his lap and pressed a soft kiss to the nape of your neck. "Always."

Hendery:

Waking up this morning had been such a struggle, even as the delightful scent of your boyfriends cooking wafted under the cracks of the door, greeting you. Usually, this would rouse you from your slumber, prompting you to creep into the kitchen and sneak a taste of the delightful breakfast. Today, however, you rolled over in the blankets and pulled the duvet over your head. Today was a lay in bed day, you just hoped your boyfriend would accept that. "Come on sleepy head! It's time to wake up!" Kunhang's annoyingly chipper voice spouted, pulling you from the confines of sleep in a less pleasant way. "No," you groaned, rolling over, burying your face deeper into the pillow. "Come on! Breakfast is ready!" He pulled the blankets off your body and you let out a loud hiss, eyes turning to bore into him. "I said no!" He dropped the blanket and backed off, lifting his hands in surrender, but you could tell he had questions. You never acted like this. "What's wrong?" You grunted, not responding, turning away from him, but he wasn't having it. "Yah! I asked you a question!" he pouted at being ignored. A growl whipped it's way from your throat. "Go look up BPD," you snapped. You could tell that he had more questions, but, after a long moment, he seemed to think better of asking them and, instead, made his way out of the room, leaving you to fall back asleep. It had to have been a few hours later when you were waking up on your own this time, the anger you had felt earlier completely gone now, replaced with your normal, chipper self. You turned over to look at Kunhang's side, releasing he wasn't there and the memories came flooding back to you along with a strong wave of guilt. You shouldn't have treated Kunhang the way you did. There was nothing out of the ordinary with the way he'd reacted to your sleeping for. With a sigh, you threw your legs over the side of the bed and stood up, padding over the floors to the door. You made your way out of the bedroom and down the hall, finding Kunhang sitting on the couch, television with the volume turned down, playing some movie he didn't look too interested in. As the floor creaked slightly under your feet, his attention shifted from the television to you and he was quick to shut off the device. "How are you feeling?" he asked. Your heart dropped into your stomach. Had you really affected him? "I'm sorry for how I reacted..." you mumbled. A sigh rolled past his lips as he patted the couch next to him. You made your way to him, flopping beside him, but keeping your distance, at least until he pulled you against his side. "I understand why you did after looking up Borderinel Personality Disorder," he said. "But you couldn't have expected me to know without knowing." With a nod, you hung your head. "Why didn't you tell me?" "I thought you wouldn't like me if you knew I had a disorder..." you mumbled. Saying it out loud, it felt ridiculous. You knew he loved you. The fact that he waited for you to wake up even after how you'd treated him proved that. But it had been a fear nevertheless. "Now that I know, I can help you rather than making things worse. But in the future, please let me know. I hated watching you so upset without knowing how to help." You leaned against him, burying your face in his chest as you nodded.

YangYang:

(full fic coming soon) YangYang's youth was what truly scared you the most. He still had so much to learn. He was so naive, about some things at least. He could make you feel so good, so loved, when he'd hold you in his arms and kiss your head or when he threw himself across your lap and begged to be pet. You were scared that the second he knew the truth about you, he'd leave, or worse, treat you differently. Your older brother, Kun, had advised you to just be honest with him. To let him know when you had bad days. Yet, here you were, hiding out in your brothers bed, hoping practice would run late so YangYang wouldn't see your crestfallen face. It seemed luck wasn't on your side that day, not entirely anyway, because the door to the room opened and Kun walked in half shirtless, belt unbuckled. "Please don't strip anymore," you'd begged. The boy nearly jumped out of his skin at your words. "(y/n)?! What are you doing here?!" "I missed Yang..." "So why didn't you come to practice? You know you're welcome." Your silence was his answer and he sighed, sliding on another, not sweat-soaked shirt, and sat on the bed beside you, reaching out to gently stroke your arm. "You really should tell him," he whispered. "But what if he rejects me?" "He won't. Sis, I know him. He's not like some dirtbags you've dated in the past. And he might just be able to help you better than I can," he whispered. You knew he was right. He was always right (as annoying as it was). "Will you send him here? I don't want to get out of bed..." "Of course," he said, patting your arm one more time before getting out of bed and making his way out of the room. It was a few minutes later when a sweaty YangYang walked in, searching for your figure before sitting down beside you on Kun's bed. "You wanted to see me?" he asked. "I have Borderline Personality Disorder..." The words just rushed out before you could stop them, but you were thankful. This saved you from yourself. For a long moment, YangYang didn't say anything and you were beginning to think Kun had been wrong for once. "So that's why Kun had me do all that research..." Ok, that definitely wasn't what you were expecting. "Not long after we started dating, Kun made me do all this research on BPD. He even quizzed me once a week! I just assumed it was punishment for dating his sister!" A loud laugh fell past your lips. That was absolutely something Kun would do!

"Are you mad I didn't tell you?" you asked.

"Well, why didn't you?"

"I was afraid you'd leave me like my exes..."

"Then yes, I'm mad!" he said.

Your face dropped.

"I'm sorry..."

"I'll just have to teach you a lesson!"

With that, he threw himself on top of you, pressing his sweaty clothes against you as you shrieked, attempting to get away.

"Guys... not on my bed..."

[the-darklings]

I love s/v so much. just...wow...i'm so invested in them and miss them so much but at the same time I hope you're taking care of yourself and I'll always be here to patiently wait for more. just wanted thank you for giving me honest to god one of the most interesting relationships I've ever read about.

—savour.

wc: 813

pairing: santino d’antonio x v

notes: canon-compliant and set in the miscellaneous time period after prague but before naples. this was actually written months ago during a sprint on coa discord server. I missed them too so hope you like it. Enjoy!

Santino frowns deeply, looking as dismayed as a person can be. Eyes narrowed, lips pinched tight, eyebrows curved downwards, he looks like a toddler about to refuse his veggies.

“Stop being grumpy,” you mutter under your breath with a roll of your eyes, stepping in front of him. Your eyes lift to his, and you bite back a smirk. “Grumpy.”

“Amore, please,” he begins, stressing the pet name as he stares at his reflection over your shoulder with disbelief. “This is appalling.”

“It suits you.”

“It does not, in fact, suit me.”

You grab the pale pink scarf between your fingers, twisting the material around your palm. It’s an effort not to lose your nerve and break down into fits of laughter as you stare up at the Italian mafioso with an innocent smile. 

“It’s a charity event where people will be doing money laundering,” you point out neutrally and adjust the scarf over his pristine white suit. A fresh-cut, fitting him to perfection of course. Armani if you had to guess but haven’t checked the tag yet. The black shirt under is neatly pressed with a Camorra golden maroon pin resting under it. He looks every inch the spoilt mafia heir; dangerous as he is handsome. The pastel pink silk scarf had been your suggestion, however. A playful jest more than anything. Mostly just to mess with him but it honestly doesn’t look as bad as he makes it out to be. You thought it might but Santino somehow manages to pull it off. As he does most things much to your silent irritation. “You will fit right in with your pimp look.”

His mouth falls open, his eyes snapping to you. “Amore,” he calls out again, affronted. “I can’t believe you would say such a thing about me.”

Your eyebrow arches and you step aside, showing him the full picture. “Look at you,” you say lightly, fighting back a laugh tickling the back of your throat. “Perfect.”

“You are an awful, cruel woman.”

Your expression is of perfect innocence as you stare at each other in the fitting room mirror. “I thought you said I’m your favourite person in the world….yesterday.”

Santino sniffs, his chin tilting upwards with a slight roll of his eyes. “My statement was false and therefore I am retracting it immediately.”

“Aw, look at you,” you tease mildly, switching to Italian on purpose. “Using big words.”

Santino’s eyes spark and he reaches out at once, his arm snaking around your waist and tugging you closer while he continues staring at your joined reflection in the mirror. “Come with me.”

“I’m working tomorrow.”

A clean job. Simple assassination but it will still take you away for the entire duration of this event Santino is attending. And will keep you that way. This gathering might be fun to attend but sadly you don’t have much time for fun when Tarasov keeps yanking the chain.

“I don’t care,” he exhales, reckless as always, leaning closer and ghosting his nose over the top of your head. One of side of his face is still visible, and you note the quiet, intent longing you glimpse in those emerald eyes when he looks your way. “Come anyway.”

For a second, just one, you press into his side, savouring his warmth selfishly.

This always happens, you think. Somehow every friendly moment between you finds a way to slip into almost intimacy. Or, perhaps, the very foundation of your relationship with this man is built on that intimacy.

“Of course you don’t care,” you point out and rest your cheek against his shoulder for a moment. “But duty calls. I’m sure your plus one will be less boring this time.”

He complained about his last plus one when you couldn’t attend with him for two days straight.

“Ah, cara mia, you know I have no desire for another plus one,” he states lightly but his expression is serious, drawn. There is a brief second of hesitation before he seemingly settles on whatever he wants to do. A gentle, warm pressure presses into your hair and you watch Santino’s reflection. The way his eyes flutter close momentarily. Take in the gentle peace that seems to settle over him at the contact between you. Always savouring the nearness, the heat, because he knows that you will pull away eventually. “Just you. Even if you will likely punch me in the kidneys for this, no?”

You fiddle the material of his scarf, a small smile blooming, “No, not this time, I don’t think.”

His eyes find your own in the mirror again, his head tilting till his cheek rests against your hair and he gazes at your joined bodies.

His expression is calm, content.

You try not to let the fierce longing you see burning there eat away at you.

For now, everything is good. For now, you’re happy.

That’s enough.  

[sigynpenniman]

Julian Bashir Playlist Time!!

Apple Music playlist (if you're a heathen and subscribe to apple music like me) here

I know that there's plenty of people making playlists, but I really feel like this is an under-utilized brand of fan content. Instead of attempting to create a list of songs that Julian would listen to, or a playlist of songs which were all lyrically directly applicable (though there certainly some of those in here) regardless of genre, I tried to create something which captured, above all, his vibes instead, by choosing songs that balance at least somewhat relevant lyrical content with the energy or feel that I associate with the character. What it means matters, but not as much as how it makes you feel. That said, I signed up for apple music and read a TON of those overwrought iTunes store album review descriptions while I was making this, so I have a whole lot to say about all my choices here. In depth explanation of my symbolism and methodology behind each song under the keep reading. (I love tumblr. I want to write 1,000 words of analysis about why I picked songs to represent Julian Bashir and some of you are gonna read it. This is where I get to pretend to be one of those iTunes music writers. I feel joy.)

Good Morning - Two Door Cinema Club TDCC's Gameshow is high on my favorite albums of all time list for nebulous reasons I myself don't really understand. It was this album, though not this song (but one that will pop up later) that actually inspired me to make this playlist to begin with, as for some reason, from the color scheme of the album cover, to the overall vibe, to the ever-present references to illness, injury, surgery and healers in the lyrics, the whole thing feels inescapably Julian to me. And with an opening like I'm a sinner/I'm the victim/I'm an alien when I'm myself/I'm a healer/I'm a fixer/I'm a present danger to my health/I'm so strong/Doing what I'm supposed to do/ There's something wrong/With somebody like me, it's hard NOT to think about Julian when you hear this song, and I can't think of a better way to start this off.

Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood I think there's a joke somewhere about bisexual people all liking Sweater Weather, and yeah, I resemble that remark. Sweater Weather is just good. You'll notice there's a sort of chill-indie-alt-electronic thing going here, and that is very much the vibe I'm sticking with. Sweater Weather slots in beautifully, both sonically and thematically. As the singer looks to warm and protect the person he's with from the cold, you can't help but feel a loving coziness coming off of this one. It always makes me feel cozy, at least, so it's here.

Gooey - Glass Animals I have nothing to analyze here because the artists themselves have said that the lyrics of this song have no meaning, they're just meant to capture a vibe, and capture it they do. Close your eyes and ride the vibes of this one. The energy is right, I love it, it belongs here.

Blue - Mika I could probably write a couple hundred words on Blue alone, in any context. This might be my beloved Mika's magnum Opus. Opening the song with the inherently counterintuitive lyric Blue is a feminine color, Mika manages to pack it ALL into this 3 minute song: questions about gender; concepts of sadness, joy, and their intersections; of the perception of melancholy as a flaw and loving people despite, or maybe because of, those "flaws" and anything else about them; a powerful first person reassurance that made me start weeping in my car the first time I heard it; just the phrase "why are humans cruel to you." And oh boy, ARE there questions of gender. Why is blue NOT considered a feminine color? Is that a good thing, a bad thing? In 3 minutes of artful poetry, Mika manages to wrap up sadness, love, joy, pain, the feminine that exists within the masculine and the masculine that exists within the feminine, in the simple color of blue and then, in one lyric, validates it all. And on a much simpler and more obvious note, this is in fact all a philosophic musing on the symbolic meaning of the color we see Julian wearing almost all the time (when he's not in uniform, almost all his civvies are also shades of blue.) I feel like this is one of those songs that's hard to analyze because it does what music and poetry does best - communicate something that cannot be communicated any other way. With these broad themes of loving others around the things they can't love about themselves, you can decide for yourself if this one is coming FROM Julian or directed AT him, either works. I find myself struggling for exactly the words to explain this one, but listen to it; you'll understand.

Little Dark Age - MGMT Another choice with no obvious lyrical relevance, but the tonal fit was just too good to pass up. The vibes pass.

The City - The 1975 This song is one of several present because it leans on medical symbolism to get its point across, though I would be lying if I said I fully understood what that point was. But the entire second verse, apparently about the song's subject suffering from some kind of illness and reassuring him that the next one's the M.D./You'll be feeling just fine, seems somehow to transmit the discomfort of illness directly to the listener. I don't know how or why, but the effectiveness of the empathy the second half of this song elicits, in me at least, puts it squarely in the "odd medical vibes" category.

Surgery - Two Door Cinema Club THIS is the song that inspired this whole playlist, mostly because of its title and general vibe. Another example (of many) of medical/anatomical references in this album (another of the songs is called Fever, etc), this song just feels like Julian to me.

The Other Side Of Paradise - Glass Animals I really like Glass Animals. That is probably becoming obvious. Aside from its delightfully cohesive vibes, this song opens with what's simultaneously the slyest and most brazen gay lyric I have heard on the radio recently, as the male singer says When I was young and stupid my love left to be a rock and roll star/HE told me... The song seems to be about a man whose male lover left him in pursuit of fame and fortune, and eventually ends up with a woman, leaving the singer behind. It's got simultaneously subtle and obvious gay themes, it's got confused love affairs, it's got so much bisexual energy. I cannot think of anything that could be more Julian.

Sit Next To Me - Foster The People Kind of like Sweater Weather, this whole song is built around a rather cute and sweet "sit next to me," and you can't help but feel a bit warm and cozy when you listen to it. I think it pairs with sweater weather well, and slides in with the rest of the picks very nicely.

Nothing Better - The Postal Service (the original band of the lead singer of Death Cab For Cutie) Another example of heavy surgical symbolism, the very first lyric of this song is Will someone please call a surgeon. This is actually a duet, and the singers speak of their real hearts to represent their emotional ones. Something about Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures always gets me and always will. And it vibes good. It vibes so, so good.

&Run - Sir Sly Sir Sly's &Run is my favorite song for driving too fast. It does an amazing job of musical onomatopoeia, talking about running while making you want to run. It's a song about running out of plans and running as far as you can instead, which is all very "I'm illegal by definition so I went to the farthest possible reaches of space." And like everything else here, it just feels good. It's also one of the only highlights here that I can actually see Julian listening to.

Cosmic Love - Florence and the Machine It's no coincidence that it seems like most of us who are invested in Julian Bashir are some flavor of genderqueer, be it trans, nonbinary, questioning, or something else entirely - the man's got a Gender with a capital G, and there's a whole lot going on in there. Between the words that were written for him on the page, and the words that were actually spoken, and the way he carries himself, Julian always seems caught between the white, western, and frequently toxic masculinity that the writers often seemed to want to imbue him with, and the very different, racially and culturally distinct masculinity Sid actually brought. But there's an undeniable element of the feminine in Julian too, at least by a traditional definition. The presence of this part of him at all, much less the fact that, in-universe, it's the more traditionally "feminine" parts of himself - the caregiving and nurturing aspects - that Julian seems proudest of or to like most about himself, is a large part of what makes his character so interesting, at least to me. So there was no way I was getting out of this without acknowledging that somehow, and I can't think of a better way to acknowledge a complicated relationship with the feminine side of one's own gender than with this world's own Celtic divine feminine, Florence Welch. I can't think of any better artist, at least that I know of, to represent femininity as a nonspecific ethereal goddess-concept. I basically spun the wheel of Florence here, as anything would have worked, but Cosmic Love felt very appropriate for a character who does in fact live in space. There could even be some Garashir in here, I think.

Dream Sweet In Sea Major - ミラクルミュージカル, or Miracle Musical, a sister act made up of members of Tally Hall I also couldn't leave off without acknowledging Julian's affection for classic lounge music, especially since it's the only thing about his taste in music that we actually know. But instead of tacking on some rat pack, instead I'm polishing this off with the incredibly chaotic and somehow also perfectly cohesive and calm Dream Sweet in Sea Major. It's got all of the vibes of a lounge singer but gone completely off the rails, which just seems perfect somehow. And it's also a very nice feeling to be left with, so it seems only right to put it at the end.

and if you've read all of this, I love you. Y'all didn't know I was this into music did you. but I am. oh boy. I AM.

[manikas-whims]

Troublesome New Girl

Sequel to A Place Good Enough

[Read on AO3]

Characters: Inej Ghafa, Jesper Fahey, Kaz Brekker

Summary: Inej has newly joined the Dregs. She goes to return Kaz's coat in the presence of many members. *cue the teasing & jokes*

Jesper meets Inej & evidences of Jesper's crush on Kaz (tiny bit of angst).

Kaz is his usual self & sets an example. A violent one :)

Note:

I just noticed this complete written fic has been sitting in my drafts for a month now. I'm so dumb 〒_〒

PLEASE DO READ THE PREVIOUS PART IN THIS SERIES TO UNDERTAND THIS SEQUEL.

Hope you guys enjoy!

Inej

The constant noise of banging against wood rouses Inej from her sleep. She looks around haphazardly only to find herself lying on a cot in an unknown room, her torso covered by a grey coat. Sun's rays blind her eyes momentarily as she turns her face, an open window staring back at her, not the daunting walls of the Menagerie. Memories of the previous night flood back and her shoulders deflate in relief. She takes a long breath to calm her rapidly beating heart. She doesn't need to endure Heleen's beatings or sell her body anymore. She is free of that life. Free.

“Oi new girl!” a voice calls, followed by more knocking at the wooden door to her small room. “Brekker told me to bring you some clothes. I’m leaving a pair out here.”

Right! Kaz Brekker had promised her better clothes. She leaves the comfort of the cot but by the time she unlocks the door to thank whoever was on the other end, the person is gone. She catches a short glimpse of a feminine figure with blond hair at the stairs and vows to thank her later. Picking up the clothes, she closes the door.

Jesper

When Jesper had heard his fellow Dregs gossiping about Dirtyhands bringing back a girl with him late at night, he hadn’t given it much thought. He had ignored Anika when she had said that she was literally asked by Kaz himself to provide the said girl with some clothes. In fact, he had completely shooed away anyone who came up to fill his ears with rumors about this unknown Suli girl and the bastard of the barrel. So when a small, bronze-skinned girl bumps into him on the third floor of the Slat, he's stunned.

"Ohhh—", The girl waves her hands frantically, her pupils dilating in concern, "I'm sorry."

But Jesper doesn't bother with apologies for he's too busy appraising her. Now she does match the rumored descriptions and is even donning Anika's lame clothes. But what actually piques his interest is a neatly-folded coat in the deepest shade of grey held between her dainty hands. He doesn’t need to think long to guess who it belongs to. There’s only one person who doesn’t indulge in the colorful fashion sense of the barrel— Kaz “Dirtyhands” Brekker.

He feels his insides fuming. But no way is he going to act like an idiot and jump to conclusions. Just because here's a girl he’s never seen before and she happens to have a coat, doesn’t mean that every single narrative he's heard about this whole situation is true.

He narrows his eyes in what he assumes is his best look of suspicion as he towers over the girl. “Where did you get that?”

"Um", she looks down at the piece of clothing and mumbles in the most innocent tone, "Mr. Brekker lent it to me."

Mr. Brekker!? The hell kinda way is this to address a man you slept with? Or whatever the heck it is that Dirtyhands prefers to do with girls..

"Why?" he asks. From Jesper's experiences, the young lieutenant of the Dregs isn't big on kindness. "Why did he lend it you?"

The girl's brows narrow in thought. It seems she herself is unsure of the reason. Her left palm clutches her right forearm in apprehension. "I guess..because I wasn't in a very decent attire."

Alarms go off in Jesper's head again. What exactly happened between her and Kaz? His heart needs answers yet he knows that its none of his business so he suppresses the unease welling in his belly.

"Well Kaz is up there." He gestures in the direction of the attic. "I'm headed there right now so I can give it to him."

The girl frowns. "I can't let a stranger do that for me. Besides," she twirls a strand of her hair, her eyes alight with some indescribable emotion, "I must properly thank him myself."

Jesper is familiar with this look. It mirrors his own when he was still a newbie at the Dregs and wanted to prove himself, wanted to repay Kaz for saving his ass. And not just by helping him pluck stupid pigeons but also by adding extra sums of profits to his ledger. Jesper can empathize with her on this.

"He saved you too," The Zemeni asks carefully, "didn't he?"

She stares at him, gauging the understanding in his expression and simply nods.

He rubs the side of his neck awkwardly. "Well, wanna go up together?"

Her eyes widen and she involuntarily takes a few steps back. Distrust. Fear. He can empathize with this action as well. In the barrel, it'd be foolish to believe a complete stranger within few moments of the first encounter.

"Then," he smiles the smile that many have called charming and starts his ascend upstairs. He only looks back once to wink at her, hoping it'll quell her anxious mind a bit, "follow my lead?"

"I can do that." she mumbles, more to assure herself and takes the first step of many that will become the foundation to their sibling-like friendship.

Kaz

When it comes to change, development and fresh ideas, Per Haskell always cowers and dismisses the topic. People like that will never achieve anything if they aren't willing to take risks. The restoration of that abandoned fifth harbour would already be in motion if Kaz hadn't chosen to waste another of his precious mornings trying to convince his boss that investing in it may prove fruitful to the Dregs. And so, after a pointless argument he had had earlier with the old man, he's decided to take matters into his own hands.

Huffing audibly, he continues explaining every member present in his room their respective job for the day. The boisterous throng huddled around him, begins dispersing all of a sudden. Curiously, Kaz looks up to find his faitful right-hand man Jesper Fahey walking in, a mischievous glint in his silver irises.

"We bumped into each other on our way up here." Jesper gestures behind him.

And it is then that Kaz notices her presence— Inej Ghafa, the strange Suli girl he had brought back from the West Stave. Oddly, he had felt her presence moments ago but had brushed it off as a mere byproduct of his rest-deprived mind playing tricks on him. Turns out his intuition hadn’t been wrong at all.

"Its that Suli girl."

"The one that Brekker took up to his bed?"

"Who would've thought Haskell's rabid dog had such exquisite tastes."

The one that Brekker took where? Haskell's rabid what? Kaz isn't sure which remark he finds more insulting towards his reputation. Although he does realise he has no one except himself to blame. He should'nt have let the girl follow him up to the attic last night. As usual, he'll have to cover this small err with fresh tales about himself that are even more gruesome than the previous ones. But for now he must find out why the new girl is here.

Anika’s clothes are baggy on her small frame— a deep green shirt so loosely-fitted that she has tied its ends into a double knot just above her belly-button whilst the fawn-colored trousers hang tastefully around her hips. He watches her long, silky hair sway behind her as she walks gracefully in his direction, determination glimmering in her dark brown irises. Shock briefly flits across his gaze but before he can even think of stopping her, she shoots out her hands in which he (dreadfully) recognizes, she’s holding his coat. He can feel all eyes in the room already settling on him. They collectively stare in a mix of shock, curiosity and..is this jealousy he's witnessing on a few faces?

"What do you think you're doing?" He grits out. He hears a muffled snickering which he's sure is Jesper's and wonders if the two somehow managed to become friends in the short span of their climb up the stairs. And that they both planned this prank together on their way.

However, Inej only furrows her brows, debunking his ridiculous theory. She seems to be wondering what she's done wrong as she answers confidently, "I forgot to return it last night."

More interested staring ensues. The new pen in his palm snaps.

Is this girl serious right now? It took him long, unrelenting years to rise to the position he's at. He's spilled his blood, sweat and tears to scatter the seeds of terror about him throughout the expanse of Ketterdam. Even people who come across him for the first time, visibly shiver and turn pale. So what part of their last conversation has given her this courage to approach him so casually? She seems to have forgotten the fact that he’s an infamous barrel thug, feared by merchers, stadwatch and gangsters alike. She isn’t supposed to saunter up to him and return his coat, making this whole exchange appear to be a scandalous affair to the curious bystanders. She isn't supposed to crumble Dirtyhands' hard-built reputation with just a few words!

"Stand aside, I'm busy." He mutters, because he truly has no idea how to get out of this predicament and hopes that his caustic tone will get the message across just like it does with everyone else.

To his utter dismay, Inej seems to be far more tactless than Jesper, who still hasn't stopped snickering. She tucks the coat back in her arms and bites her lip as if suppressing herself from saying something mean. Her eyes quietly regard his own, an unspoken understanding settling between them. She is aware that if she doesn't wish to be thrown back into the Menagerie, she must behave properly with him. And yet, her nostrils flare as she responds, "I just wanted to pay my gratitude-"

"You can pay your gratitude," Kaz hisses back, glaring up at her from his perched position, "with your services." And its only after uttering those words does he realise the ambiguous implications hinted in them. Jesper's shoulders are shaking uncontrollably now, his palms tightly clamped around his mouth to muffle his laugh.

"Slow down, Dirtyhands." comments someone from the back and the whole room bursts into a howl of laughter. Inej brings a palm to her lips, gasping in mortification.

Kaz massages his eyes. Dealing with these ruffians has already been a headache. Now this new girl just walks in and takes the cake. She's proving to be far more dangerous– scratch that– far more more troublesome than he had expected.

He lets them have their fun as he pulls out a knife from his coatsleeve and gets up. He ambles towards Dirix, his steps slow and deliberate. He's sure it was Rotty who'd made the joke but Dirix is standing closer and it doesn't really matter who said what. Dirtyhands just needs to set an example.

The young boy is suddenly looking very pale. Kaz grabs his right hand, the dominant one and digs the blade along the joints of his fingers. The knife easily tears through his skin and goes deeper into the muscle beneath. Dirix is now screaming whilst everyone else hold their breath. From his peripheral vision, he catches the horror on Inej's face and rolls his eyes. Surely she must've heard of his violent endeavors at the menagerie. She shouldn't have approached him in the first place if she's going to be so shocked everytime he spills someone's blood.

He roots out the knife before it can completely sever Dirix's limbs. "Get 'em patched up." The boy is already running out.

He walks back and tosses the knife to the desk, its loud clang making everyone flinch in fright. "Pipe down before I actually start chopping tongues."

The threat silences everyone.

"This is Inej Ghafa." He points at her and the girl cowers slightly. Not at all the abrupt attention on her, he notices, but from him. "She's to be a new spider."

This one simple statement seems to piece together everything for them. Though he has an inkling that his previous act of brutality also plays a major part. They nod and whisper amongst themselves. He almost scoffs. Of course its easier for them to believe that Kaz Brekker took up a girl to his room for information. Not some spicy dalliance.

"Now get to work." He orders and one by one they shuffle out of the room, Rotty nodding respectfully. He knows he was spared merely by luck.

Jesper is the last one. He winks at Inej before taking his leave. "See you around, new girl!"

And with all of them gone, Kaz turns to Inej. She inhales a breath in anticipation.

"Let's start your training."

So hopefully that was as fun reading as it was for me writing :3

Coming parts will have Inej's training and ofc her picking her canon outfit.

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SoC Masterlist

( divider by @firefly-graphics )

[seungsilog]

Dear Someone, I’ll Be Better Off Without You.

Pairing: Female!OC x Lee Minho

Genre: Angst, College!AU

Word Count: 1.16k words

Warnings: mentions of someone in a slump(?), insecurities, breakup

Series Masterlist

Taglist: @puffyjisung​ (send me an ask or dm me if you want to be added!)

Good morning, afternoon, evening, whatever time you’re listening to this! Welcome to the podcast, where I, Han Jisung, your host — speaking of, should I find a DJ name for myself too? Like, that one podcast has DJ Joohoney right? I should think of something for myself. 

Anyways, continuing on! This episode, a letter has been written by our Music Director, Ina! I won't make this too long, as this episode might get too long. I asked for a letter, not a novel. If only you guys can see this, holy crap. It's like 3 pages back to back, oh my gosh. I would read this all on air but it would take ages, so we just shortened the letter and might just publish this letter on our website! I doubt you would be able to read Ina's chicken scrawl, though— ok geez, I'll start! Stop looking at me like that!

Dear Someone,

I'm better off I’ll be better off without you.

Do you remember when we first met? It was freshman year, during the university's festival. You weren't as confident back then, sticking to your group of friends most of the time. The only time you left their side was when they convinced you to talk to me after they saw you sneaking a peek at me. Looking back now, I cringe thinking about our origin story, but freshman Ina thought it was cute. So cute, in fact, that I let you take me out on a date the day after. And even though you spilt soda on me five minutes into the date, the giant stuffed cat and the shy peck on the cheek made it all better.

Fast forward two years, and you managed to weasel your way into my life. You became my best friend, my lover, my anchor all in one. College life was hard, but the assurance that you would be sitting in our spot in the coffee shop on campus, waiting with my favorite drink fueled me to get through my day.

But as many positives there were with you, the negatives were also there.

I became too comfortable. I stood only within the confines of my little bubble consisting of schoolwork and my relationship with you. Everything was just the same, repeating day after day, and it took a toll on me. I made my whole life revolve around you, and somewhere along the line, I forgot that there is more to life besides those two things.

I never really improved from who I was when I entered college, but you certainly have. No longer were you the timid, puffy-faced boy I met back then. You’ve come so far, becoming one of the most confident, talented people this school has ever produced, and I can’t help but feel proud every time I realize that.

Sadly, I can’t say the same for myself.

I love you. I love you so much, Lee Minho. Thank you for always being there, for the past two years. I’ll always be proud of you, but I need to take some time to improve myself so that hopefully, i can be someone you can be proud of too. This self-improvement journey of mine might take some time, but as my mother used to say, if we are truly meant to be together, destiny will find its way to bring us together once again. See you around, I guess.

Forever grateful, 

Ina.

P.S. I think I used the wrong phrase on my keyword, so I erased it aha. I started this letter in spite... so yeah. I’m not sure if I really will be better off without you, but I guess only time will tell.

Han Jisung’s voice floated through the earbuds and into Lee Minho’s ears as he sat in an armchair, eyes filled with unshed tears. He hadn't known she felt that way towards herself, and if only he had communicated with her better-

He cuts off his inner monologue after seeing a familiar face approach his table. 

“I take it you’ve listened to Jisung’s new podcast episode, hyung?” Hwang Hyunjin, with his freshly dyed black hair, takes a seat in front of Minho, ignoring the older’s protests and settling down with his croissant and iced americano. “Come on, hyung. You can talk to me about this. We’ve known each other for ages!”

“And by ages, you mean half a year?”

“Tomato tomato. It feels way longer. I think being coped up in a studio with each other has that effect.”

“... Touche.”

“ So? How do you feel?” the younger boy inquires, taking a sip from his americano.

Minho took a while to respond, thinking of words to properly describe how he felt at that moment. 

“If I’m being honest? I don’t have a clue either. It’ll take a lot for me to get over Ina.” After taking a sip of his own drink, he continued. “Two years, almost three isn’t a short time. It was through her that I became who I am today. It was because of her, that I strived to become a better person. It was because of her that I was able to grow, but..” A soft sigh escaped his lips. 

“But at the cost of my growth came her dullness.” Hyunjin made a noise of confusion, muffled by the bread stuffed in his mouth. “Woft dwoh yu mean, hyunf?” 

“The thing that really drew me to her that day was just how… vibrant she was. Well, she was standing below a streetlight, but really. It sounds cliche, but if only you could’ve seen her. Wearing a bright yellow shirt, talking excitedly about how fun this experience was going to be. She was truly the light of the party back then, well, college happened. We’re all busy, but they were especially. Even Channie disappears for days at a time coped up in his room to finish a project. He only got a significant other this year! Ina barely had any time to do anything else aside from meeting me and doing schoolwork. I guess she realized that, and uh, yeah. That brings us here.” Minho looked up at Hyunjin, only to see him invested in something on his phone.

 “ Yah, why did I even bother telling you.” 

You see, dear listeners. Sometimes, relationships don’t turn out the way we want it to go. We think entering a new thing will all be sunshine and rainbows, and it might lead to an ultimatum; having to choose between self-gratification and self-improvement. In Ina’s case, she chose to leave not because she lost feelings, because that’s definitely not the case- ouch! When will you stop throwing things at me? But yes, she chose to leave because she wanted to grow, wanted to get herself out there for a bit, just as hyung had done. That does not mean that all hope is lost for them, though. Maybe someday, when the both of them are ready, their romance will continue again.

-`, leri’s litol notes

here is the second installment! ;-; i hope you guys like it hehe