#sick kids do not scare me as much as sick adults and if memory serves teachers have an easier time calling out

[loregoddess]

honestly I wouldn't get sick as often if my workplace adopted a stricter policy about sick people working

[hotpinkrathian]

Christmas Party

(Kyalin)

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Please..."

"Kya..."

"Lin it'll be fun." Kya promised.

"Games with the families are never fun. Do you want me to count how many times Su broke my nose playing pie in the face?"

"It wasn't that many."

"Four is a lot of times to break your nose, Kya."

"You got me there. But Lin, imagine, a big Christmas, on the island. Everyone is... happy,"

"Until we fight."

"And there's sweets at all hours of the day." Lin didn't look impressed.

"We can start drinking at 11."

"In the morning?" Kya nodded, causing Lin to raise an eyebrow.

"Go on," Lin said. Kya pursed her lips, placing a hand on Lin's waist, circling around the earth bender.

"And when everyone goes to bed, waiting for the morning, we go back to my room and celebrate like adults." Kya whispered the last line in Lin's ear, and Lin was blushing profoundly.

"Alright," Lin caved, "but I'm not babysitting for your brother." Kya stretched a hand out.

"Deal."

"Lin! Kya! So glad the two of you could make it!" Pema greeted. The temple was already buzzing with activity. Lin put her coat on the filled hanger next to the door observing the chaos behind Pema.

"Thank you for having us, Pema," Kya smiled, embracing her sister in law. Lin wasn't paying attention when she, too, was pulled into a hug. She raised an arm awkwardly around Pema, looking to Kya for help, instead just getting laughed at. When Pema pulled away, distracted by the sound of a clay pot crashing to floor, Kya sidled up to Lin.

"That was cute," Kya said.

"There wasn't even a warning. What did I do to deserve that?" Kya nudged her with an arm.

"You'll get used to it."

"Thats what scares me." Kya chuckled, walking over to Bumi who slammed a shot glass onto the table. Lin followed, impressed by Bumi's gusto, although, at this rate he'd be out by dinner.

"Bumi!" Kya called, "did you start without me?"

"Took to long, Kya, I'm already four ahead of you."

"That didn't help you last year, it certainly won't this year." Lin had vague memories of their sibling drinking contest. Tenzin only ever participated once, he lost so badly and was sick for a week after, he never did it again. Kya picked up a shot, lifting it to meet her brother's.

"To tradition!" She said.

"Tradition? To drinking!" Bumj corrected as they took the shot. Bumu turned to Bum-ju who squeaked behind him.

"See Lin," Kya started, "the secret to having a good pace, is waterbending." Kya explained, "manipulate a little alcohol out of the shot, replace it with water, and bam. Suddenly five shots feels like two."

"Thats cheating."

"We never set the rules, or if we did, we don't remember them. If he can find a way to manipulate his alcohol with airbending then he is free to so." Lin scoffed.

"Lets get something to drink, hmm?" Kya said, guiding them to the table in the living room the Avatar was dotting around.

"Beifong, Kya!" Korra said, raising her glass.

"Not too much of that," Lin said and Korra nodded.

"Absolutely Chief, I am relatively new to the world of alcohol I will absolutely pace myself." Lin side eyed her, as Kkrra grinned and shuffled over to Asami.

"Here," Kya said, passing Lin a drink.

"What is it?"

"Not sure, ran out of the first one so I mixed it with the next bottle." Lin looked at her skeptically, Kya just shrugged. Sje took a sip of the concoction, ignoring the bitter taste it left in her mouth. Kya must've seen it on her face, because she lifted an eyebrow, pressing a hand to Lin's jaw.

"Too bitter?" She asked.

"It's... fine, I guess. It'll do the job." Kya grinned, leaning close to Lin's ear.

"Later I'll do my job, and don't worry, what I have to offer is very sweet." Lin blushed as Kya took a nip at her ear, before swinging her long white ponytail in her face, and walking over to Pema. Lin watched her go, unsure of what she was supposed to do after that.

"Lin, its good to see you." A voice said from behind her. She turned to see Tenzin, standing there with a small grin to his lips. Lin nodded, extending her hand. He took it and they shook, Lin grinning.

"You too, airhead." He rubbed the back of his neck while he replied.

"Haven't heard that one in a while."

"I thought it was the perfect time to bring it back." He chuckled.

"So, how are things with you?" He asked. "I feel like we haven't talked much with all thats been going on with the refugee camps." Lin looked to Kya who met her eye, wasting no time in downing the shot in her hand, making sure to run her tongue all around the glass of the cup. Lin gulped returning her gaze to Tenzin, hoping her blush wasn't too noticeable.

"They've been good. I've been taking breaks." She said.

"Good, good. I'm glad, you deserve a break, Lin. Should you take it."

"Heh, you aren't getting rid of me that easy." He placed an arm on her shoulder,

"Of course not," he replied.

"Dinner is served!" Pema called out. Bolin and Korra tossed them selves over the sofa, racing for the first plate of the meal. Lin waited for everyone to settle before getting a plate of her own, sitting across from Kya at the large table that had been brought in by Asami to seat everyone.

"Should we say something?" Asami asked, before eating anything.

"Like what?" Korra asked, halting her fork full of meat inches from her mouth.

"I don't know. I guess I just..." the girl trailed off and Lin frowned. Of course, it was her first Christmas without her father.

Korra put her fork down, placing a hand on Asami's knee to comfort her.

"Go ahead," Korra said, "we'll wait." Everyone nodded, and Asami took a deep breath.

"Thank the spirits," Asami started, "for giving us the chance to have this season together. And for this great big family I inherited. I miss you dad," she finished. Everyone dipped their head. Asami cleared her throat, and with that, the feast began. It didn't take long for Lin to engage Senna in conversation, the Avatar's mother absolutely adored all of the Korra stories Lin had to share.

"She was arrested the first day she got here," Lin explained, "someone didn't get the memo that destroying things is against the law." Senna laughed, and Korra shrugged from down the table. Lin lifted her glass, she wasn't one for wine, but it fit the occasion. Before she could place it to her lips, however, she was kicked in the shin. She furrowed her brows, trying to look under the table. She landed her eyes on Kya, who sat across from her, staring intently at the metalbender. Kya but her bottom seductively, her leg brushing against Lin's under the table. Lin gave her a half-hearted warning look, and the waterbender winked.

   Lin volunteered for the game, solely to escape Kya's teasing for just a bit. The waterbender had been throwing her glances all night, and Lin wasn't sure how much more of it she could take before she pushed her against a bathroom wall and well... the rest is up to her imagination.

"Wait what do I have to do?" Korra asked for the third time.

"You... again! Just, drink the shots," Asami said, "I'll handle the rest." Lin watched as Bumi expertly poured three shots each,  before re taking his seat.

"Kya!" He called. Fabulous. "These count as part of the race." He declared.

"Seems like cheating to me," Kya said, placing a hand on her hip.

"Hey, a shot is a shot. Watch me of you feel so inclined." No please no-

"I will." Kya made an example of herself as she sat down, pulling her chair loudly to the table, right next to Lin. Lin didn't meet her eye, trying to stay focused on the task at hand. Kya's hand found its way to her thigh, her thin fingers sliding in between Lin's legs...

"Lets drink, shall we?" Lin said, downing her first one, starting the round. The game was simple, take a shot, flip through a deck of cards until you flipped an ace, first to three flipped aces, wins.

She began flipping her cards, well aware of Kya's hand gripping her thigh, her fingers hovering over the material of her pants.

"Go Bumi!" Kya cheered as her brother flipped his first ace. He downed his second just as Lin flipped her first ace. Korra was still flipping, her clumsy fingers getting a lot of help from Asami.

"Faster, Lin.' Kya said, almost mockingly. Lin gulped, feeling herself blush.

"Faster, Lin, Faster!" Lin ran a tongue over her lips. Focus.  She flipped her second ace, reaching for her final shot. She took it like it was the only thing keeping her alive. At that moment, Kya decided to really squeeze her thigh, and Lin spat the shot out in suprise. She covered her mouth with a hand and looked to Kya, who was evidently playing dumb.

"Too much for you, Chief?" Kya asked. "I know you hate those coconut ones."

"Done!" Bumi shouted, slamming his glass on the table and standing up in triumph.

"Sit down before you hurt yourself, Bum'" Kya said.

"Hah! This old man just beat Chief Beifong and the Avatat in a drinking game. I think you're lacking Kya." He smirked, gripping the edge of his coat. Kya's eyes narrowed, and Lin watched as the waterbender stood up, taking the can next to Asami. She held it horizontally in her hands, thinking it over, before cracking into it with her nails and drinking out of the torn aluminum. Lin watched, oddly turned on by the action. Kya kept her eyes on her brother who's jaw was agape. Kya threw the can on the floor wipednher mouth with her arm, also hot, and sat back down.

"Thats got to be... what, like three more shots? I think your lacking Bumi." Bumi crossed his arms, storming away. Korra looked thoroughly impressed as Kya's newfound talent, getting the healer to promise to teach her. When the kids left, the two of them were left at the table in silence. Lin cleared her throat, hoping Kya would say something.

"I must've impressed you, you have nothing to say." Kya grinned, taking the cards and returning them to their boxes.

"I didn't know you could chug like that." Kya scoffed, stacking the boxes of cards in the center of the pile.

"Yes you did," the waterbender finalized. Before Lin could say anything more, Pema interrupted, lifting a leaf over their heads.

"What are you doing?' Lin asked.

"Its a mistletoe, Lin." Pema explained. Lin looked to Pema in confusion.

"Am I supposed to know what that means?" Lin asked, crossing her arms gruffly.

"Oh Lin, don't be so grumpy, you kiss whoever is under the mistletoe." Lin looked to Kya, who was undressing her with her eyes. This again?

"Alright, alright, fine." Lin leaned in for a quick kiss, taken aback when Kya gripped her face, holding her lips hostage under the mistletoe. Kya's tongue breached her mouth and Lin almost hummed at the soft groan Kya released. Kya pulled away, licking her lips modestly as the crowd cheered and whistled. Lin pressed her fingers to her lips. Pema looked mildly insulted she likely hadn't meant for the two of them to make out out under the mistletoe. To be fair, Lin hadn't expected it either. Lin looked down at the floor with a blush, while Kya sat there, smirking at the results of her handy work. Someone whistled, likely Bolin and Lin was urged to stand up. With a dip of her head she retreated to the washroom, closing the door behind her.

As she expected, it wasn't long before a soft knock rapped on the door. Lin opened it, stepping aside to let Kya though.

"Did I embaress you?" Kya asked, looking to Lin. Lin scoffed.

"Yeah, but I think I'll be fine." Kya's lips stretched into a grin. Lin pursed her lips, leaning against the sink when Kya pressed her chest against hers.

"Ready to get out of here?" The waterbender asked. Lin nodded,

"I've been ready the whole night." Kya laughed.

"I know you have." Kya took Lin by the hand, the two of them snuck passed those who remained at the party and up the narrow stairs of the Air temple, celebrating by themselves for the rest of the night.

[popculturebuffet]

Sparkshortstravaganza! (Commissioned by WeirdKev27)

Well this was a needed kick in the pants. When I first heard of the Sparkshorts program I was excited. As a kid I loved PIxar, as an adult I love pixar and as an old man dealing with the loss of his partner floating away in my balloon house, i’ll still love pixar. So the idea of a program focused on giving new fresh talent the room to do whatever they wanted and make content that would be on Disney Plus, a platform BADLY bereft of original animation? It was a dream come true and the first one I saw Kitbull is easily a masterpiece and something that I can vividly recall every part of to this day, which for my terrible short term memory recalling EVERYTHING is a rare feat few works have achived.  But given I have a REALLY bad habit of letting things I want to watch sit there if I don’t jump on them immediately.. I let it sit there and didn’t touch any of the shorts and mostly forgot about the program until now. Until Kev, my patron and the only person paying for reviews at the moment, though others are more than welcome wink wonk, just decided what the heck and to test out comissioning shorts picked these ones because why not. And given I had been dragging my feet and reading the descriptions found creative and suprisingly heavy premises... I was fully on board And better late than never because along with Soul this program has EASILY restored my faith in the company after Onward really disapointed. Granted they’ve done worse, while there are pixar films I haven’t seen I need to like Coco or Cars 3, I’ve vowed NEVER to watch Cars 2 unless I have to and that vow has served me well so far. The shorts here are as a whole beautifully animated, have a ton of wonderful concepts and even the two weaker ones are still gorgeous to look at and a decent watch regardless and both come from a very well meaning place with a very well meant message. So yeah i’m thankful for this comission and to show you why let’s go through every Sparkshorts so far and see why their so awesome.. after some background of course. 

Sparkshorts, for the uniniated, is a program by pixar where animators are given six months and a limited budget to create a film based on personal experince. The program was designed to test out new ways of animating, directing and creating and to find a creative “spark” in it’s employees. Thus each film feels unique, has it’s own style.. and is utterly charming. I’ll be looking at them chronologically as while this wasn’t my watch order, I feel it’s a bit neater that way. I’ve already taken long enough to get to watching these, let’s open these films up and see what makes them tick shall we?

Purl: An Adorable Yarn Ball Vs Toxic Masculinity  Purl.. was better the more I thought about it. The first short released, it DOES have a good message and killer animation. The film takes place at B.R.O., a dude broey brockerage firm that’s painfully relasitic both in how broey it is and in how it looks. That’s to contrast our heroine: Purl, an adorable ball of yarn who just wants to be accepted but is instead ignored by the rest of the company till she changes herself up, donning a suit like her co workers she badly wants to fit in with and adopting their wolf of wallstreet esque douchebaggery. She finally gets accepted.. but ends up shedding her new self to help another Yarn Ball starting up.  Director Kristen Lester drew from personal experince, starting work at animation in a mostly male dominated workplace and thus having to adapt and only letting the femine side she’d repressed out when she moved to working at pixar, which had more female employees. The film DOES have a good message about toxic workplaces and toxic masulinty and learning the personal story did raise it a few notches as it made it clear to me that what SEEMED like an over exageration.. was probably just a light exageration given the kind of bro antics we’ve heard about at companies like Ubisoft. So while I didn’t like the film much at first honestly.. it’s over the top because it NEEDS to be because even though it’s 2021.. some idiots STILL don’t get it and kids are better off learning it now so it’ll hopefully stick when their entering the workforce. So we’ll get more people like perl willing to make a change and stick up for those like her and less dude bros. Still a decent and clever short with Perl’s bro form looking really neat and the animation on her in general is really fucking gorgeous. All in all not the best of these but still pretty good and while a bit thick on the message.. it kinda has to be. 

Smash And Grab: A Jaunty Ride to Freedom

This was a really fun one. Directed by Brian Larson and inspried by his need for a break from routine this follows two robots, the titular smash and grab who are designed to well.. smash and grab coal-like energy things for a train and have for years and years. The two long to high five, but can’t because their hooked to tubes so they can’t escape. But one day Smash looks out the window and not only sees fellow robots living a better life.. but a way to power him and his buddy/love intrest? I mean bromance or romance, either way it works. Point is our heroes escape, and have to fight security.  It’s just a really damn fun and creative movie. While robots wanting a better life isn’t new, the crisp art deco animation, breakneck pace, fun gags and heartwearming relationship between the two bots is just charming as hell. It’s just a fun ride the whole way through with a lot of heart and creativity with the two’s way they throw coal to one another used to take out the guards, and all together just some really good set pieces. Easily one of my faviorites here and that’s a high water mark to pass. 

Kitbull: Tiny Orphan Kitty + Big Abused Doggo = Best Friends

As I said this is the only one of these I saw before today and as I said it’s stuck with me. I love dogs. I have one of my own named Yoshi whose just a sweet boy. So i’ve always loved ALL DOGS.. and was thus horrified years ago when I learned about the stigma Bulldogs get. Seen as “agressive’ and “Mean’ and victious.. when really a lot of them, including my grandpa’s own pitbull when I was little, are just loveable as any other dogs. And having also known a former fighting dog my friend owned, if a much smaller min pin rather than a pitbull, who by the time I met him had become the sweetest dog you’d ever meet.. yeah.. don’t mistreat a dog just because some assholes force it to fight to the death because their sick, horrible, ghastly human beings.. if they can even be CALLED human beings after doing that to these poor animals.  My point is it’s nice to have a short about such a needed subject. Director Rosana Sullivan actually had the idea for the short for years and intended to do it as a side project, but when the program cropped up she moved it to pixar and the result is one of the most popular and easily one of the best of an already bright bunch, brought on by her love of animals and working in a shelter. It’s also one of Pixar’s first 2d animated projects and proves their just as good at that as cgi.  It’s the touching story of a kitty whose alone in the world and initally mistrustful and hissy at a big dog she finds and is naturally scared of.. until she grows to bond with the dog, realizing much like a LOT of fucking people need to that pitbulls.. are just dogs and often victims of circumstance and the poor, sweet pooch who just wants his owner to love him.. is instead thrown into a fighting pit, nearly killed and forced to make a daring escape with their new forever friends help. It’s through this wonderful, heartrending friendship that the dog finds freedom and the cat.. finds them both a home, no longer running from people but instead making sure they both get a person. It’s often brutal at times, with the scene of the dog being forced to fight being one of the most striking: while we thankfully don’t see the action, we HEAR IT, as does the poor kitty, and we see the aftermath: a friendly harmless dog thrown out into the cold just because it dosen’t WANT to fight. It’s just really heartrending stuff that makes the happy ending all the better. It’s also gorgeiously animated which I mentioned but i’ll say it again; the animation here is GOREGOUS, unqiue and stunning. Go watch this if you haven’t. 

Float: This is Why Krakoa Exists

This.. has easily been the hardest to review of the bunch. While ALL of these stories are very personal, very inclusive and very intresting, this one.. is a bit rougher than most of them and hits REALLY close to home. See this one was built out of director Bobby Rubio’s experinces raising his son who has autisim. 

It’s about a dad who discovers his infant son can float... and thus gets stares of fear or judgment from eveyrone around him slowly getting broken down by this. So he makes a HORRIBLE judgment call and rather than just accept some people are assholes, weighs his son’s backpack down with stones despite him hating it then drags him away when he ends up floating off, before screaming at the poor kid WHY CAN’T YOU BE DIFFRENT.. He DOES instantly regret this and the ending is genuinely touching as the father finally accepts his son is different and throws him into the air while on a swing, letting his son soar as he always should’ve. It is a beautifully animated and well meant film and the filipino representation is truly great: Rubio originally was going to have the characters as white but his fellow animators convinced him to go for represntation and be true to himself and honestly in a time when disney itself has had to be fought to get queer representation most of the time, it’s nice that pixar at least is a part of it that throughly encourages representation and will gladly put diversity and representation over any bullshit “risk factors”.  That being said.. while this was a decent short with a very well intentioned message and it clearly connected with a lot of people.. it wasn’t for me and I say this as someone who has autisim. As someone who has worn down people’s patince and been starred at by a freak for something I was way too young to properly deal with.  I’ve been in this Kid’s shoes. 

And that’s the problem: The metaphor dosen’t really work for me. While auitism CAN have some benifits and I wouldn’t be any other way i’d be lying if I said it was easy having trouble commuincating, constnatly misreading people, constnatly worrying if someone’s going to like you, and hyperfocusing on a problem instead of being able to set it and forget it for a bit to my own detriment. There’s other problems and not ALL of my issues come from anxiety disorder: I also have anxiety and depression. They just bleed badly INTO said autisim sometimes, as it’s hard to effectively combat anxiety sometimes when your mind won’t let you. 

What i’m saying is... there aren’t any FAULTS in his powers. See i’m a fan of x-men, so I can only see this boy as a mutant, and yes I know they usually manfifest at puberty but there have been exceptions so don’t at me.. and one of them who has no real downsides other than the unfair stigma of being a mutant. He’s more like storm, who can control the elements and whose power only enhances her life nad lesss like say Rogue, who looks normal.. but can’t touch anyone without knocking them out at best or horribly abosrbing them into her head at worst. There’s no downside other than the fact people judge him and his dad is a dick about it.  And the dad part is hard because I get what Rubio is going for: parents make mistakes, parents mess up and their only human even if they should embrace their kids anyway. That’s a good message and one I support.. I just think Rubio was way TOO hard on himself and thus made his stand in into an unlikeable asshole, one whose more concerned with how everyone ELSE thinks and does the horribly abusive action of basically tying his son’s wings down so he can’t fly. He mans well, it’s so his son dosen’t float off.. but instead of finding a way to help him and work with him on it.. he just stuffs rocks in his back and forces the kid to be miserable so other people can be happy. It just goes way too far in the other direction to work. As I said I think it’s the guy being too hard on himself, manifesting his worst moments with his kids and his biggest regrets and making himself into a very hard to like character because he has trouble forgviing himself for how he acted. So I want to say if you ever read this bobby while I wasn’t hte biggest fan of your film.. I do wholly support you and your son.. and the fact you made an entire FILM just to show your sturggle and show people there not alone was a beautiful act. You are not a bad person , we all make mistakes and we’re all just human. You are a good man Bobby Rubio. I may of not liked your metaphor... but your message is beautiful. 

Wind: Immigration by Way of Rocket Science

Thankfully moving on.. this one is tied with Kitbull for my faviorite. It has a truly intriguing premise, a great metaphor, stunning animation, and is just really moving, gripping and fun to watch. This one was by Edwin Chang, and as is usualy by now, it was built on personal experince.. but not his. It was built on the fact his father was an immigrant who had to leave his mother, Chang’s grandmother, behind to a better life. She rejoined them eventually but it left an impact on his father and thus serves as the core of this story. And honestly knowing that only STRENGTHENS an already impresssive sci fi short.  It’s the story of a boy, apparently named Ellis so i’ll use that, and his grandmother who live in a bizzare, hauntingly beautifuly stygian sinkhole that has floating rocks and debris. The two spend their day farming potatoes and grabbing whatever they can to hopefully make their way out. But it becomes clear to young Ellis after they find a plane his grandmother wants HIM to go alone and escape and is willing to sacrifice herself.. and ends up having to trick the boy into thinking sh’es going along in order to get him to do what he needs to surivive and thrive. It’s a truly gut wrenching story as even when she seems to have found a way for them both to leave.. it’s very clear she’s simply training him with all the welding tools and what not so he has skills to make it out there on his own in the unknown. So he can live without her.. but more importantly.. so he CAN LIVE. Away from the darkness, not having to scrape and to surivive and hopefully find something better out there. While the old parental figure sacrifciing thsmelves so the youngun can start hteir journey isn’t new.. it’s the unique, beautiful and haunting setting and the emotoin, conveyed only through the utterly beautiful animation that make this story feel fresh, along with it’s great metaphor. This short is just haunting, beauitful and really damn sad, and I only dont’ have all that much to say because it’s all in the visuals. The only thing I have left is like all of these really, watch it. But especailly this one. 

Loop: Enough Said

This is part of the reason I didn’t like Float all that much. Loop is just.. way better at conveying the experinces of having auitism. While Renee is a more severe case than me I can relate to what kicks off the film: Renee, usually paired with an adult at the camp she at, is forcibley paired with a chatty boy named Marcus. While Marcus is eager to go home and has no idea how to interact with the two the two genuinely bond, with Marcus slowly getting into Renee’s world. The key scene for this and the one that clinches the film is Renee waving her hands over the reeeds in the water, throughly enjoying it with marcus not getting it.. till he tries himself. Director Erica Milsom, whose worked with autistic children and picked this medium entriely because i’ts perfect for a non verbal character and is one that can tackle heavy issues like this in a way to help people understan, really wanted to counter most depections of severe autisim, paticuarlly sensory issues. While we see the good in them instead of JUST her freaking out or being overwhelemed: how her sounds and the things she feels truly relax her and how she really DOES enjoy nature and is perfectly at home there. It’s just a beautiful way to show this disablility is not ALL bad, as many works tend to focus soley on the drawbacks. While I had my issues with Float part of it was it had too much good.. but Loop is superior at this simply because it shows both with unflinching honesty: The beauty of something that calms and relaxes your brain or a touch or sensation that just FEEELS really good, things that while again i’m not on the same level as Renee.. I can still fully relate to.  But what puts it over float besides not having a messy metaphor is it DOES show the issues that come with it.. but does so WELL and with nuance. It shows how isolating autisim can be, especially for someone like Renee who can’t talk, how people are sometimes freaked out by you and don’t know how to interact with you and how adults can MEAN WELL, and the counsler setting them off was a good idea in the end... but can also be misguided and not fully know how to handle you without overwhelming you. It shows just how bad a panic attack can be, how you can just.. shut down and drive away. It was easily the sequence that hit the hartest and resonated the most as I’ve had those, and i’ve just shut down with no one able to reach me.. and it makes it all the more touching as Marcus eventually realizes how to handle things, and gives her space despite the setting son and the peril of being stranded.. because he realizes she needs it and offers to simply be there when she’s ready. It’s a touching, wonderful gesture, capped by him giving her a reed.. and the two heading home finally udnerstanding one another.This one is very close to wind in my heart and I think I found even more love for it writing this review and realizing just how much it hit me. And that ain’t bad. 

Out: Be Proud of Who You Are.. with the help of a gay cosmic space cat 

Speaking of hitting close to home and really resonating with me, we have Pixar’s first short with a gay main character, with his sexuality being the center of this. And as a bi person who had struggle accepting his sexuality let alone telling anyone, even when you know someoen will likely accept you.. this naturally hit hard. I took some time to realize I was bi, and when I did I was terrified of telling my mom, despite her being loving, supportive and just wonderful, same with my brother. Both fully accepted me as I figured and had no issue with it, esepcially sine my romantic history is nearly non existant anyways, but I related to our hero Greg’s fears of coming out to his parents despite them being utterly wonderful, well meaning people. It’s hard to come out, it’s hard to admit that about yourself, and it’s hard knowing you may not be accepted or things may change. I had an even harder time coming out to my dad, who I fully expected being a trump supporter and having said “if gay marriage is leagal I should be able to marry my cat”, to not support me and to loose him.. and was proud and suprised when nope, he was utterly supportive and happy for me.. if a bit awkward with the “be careful with sex” advice.. to someone whose had none and may never will due to being awkward as shit. But he meant well and the point is I really related to this, and it’s easily one of the best coming out stories of this kind, tied handily with Schitt’s Creek’s episode about Patrick coming out to his parents that dealt with the same theme.  And naturally given the nature of these shorts it was a story close to Stephen Clay Hunter’s heart, as he group up a gay nerd in the 80′s a time when homophobia was even worse and representation was near non-existent. So when given the shot he wanted to make something for a young him, something they can look at and point to and tha’ts me. And the behind the scenes short for this one sold just how... big this felt for him. To draw two men in love and embrcing, to see guys mo capping that. To see someone LIKE him on screen. It shows just how important representation is and how dumb it is it took 20 goddamn years at pixar for them to get gay. 

The short itsel is delightful as we open with a gay space cat and dog appearing in a rainbow. The Cat and Dog are watching Greg, a nice young man whose moving out of his small town with his boyfriend Manuel.. only to panic when his parents who he hasn’t come out to show up to help move and try and hide the one photo he has of them. And despite Manuel seeing it as a very easy thing to do to come out.. it’s not for Greg. He knows it’s hard and a scene of him practicing shows the poor guy breaking down at the thought of telling them despite getting every indicatio their nice people.  It’s then the whole Space Cat thing comes in as the cat enchanted Greg’s dog’s collar, so when greg puts it on as  a jest, it’s a body swap! So naturally we get tons of REALLY well animated shenanigans as Greg has to get his body back. Seriously the animation here is gorgeous with director Hunter choosing the painted on , impercet style to give it a storybook feel which fits the story perfectly.. seriously if Disney hasn’t made a story book of this do so.. and if they won’t someone on etsy do it because Etsy is apparently where the merch companies should be making happens.

The point is it’s fun, furious and leads to some great gags.. and then we get the emotional punch to the godnand as Greg bites his mom’s hand in order to prevent her finding a photo of him and his boyfriend. He instnatly regrets it, and breaking the photo in the process and goes to comfort her.. and we get easily the most emotinal, most beautiful part of it as Greg finds out his mom is hurt as she can clearly tell he’s keeping her at arms length and dosen’t want to loose him.. and she’s known all along he was gay.. just like the Schitts Creek example it’s clear she’s hurt a bit her son is scared to tell her but just wants him to be happy. So with a brilliant use of a squeaky toy greg switches back.. and comes out, with his dad warmly hugging miguel when he introduces himn and the space dog crying. Just a beautiful, charming, fun, and gorgeously animated short with some badly needed representation.

Also... one last note. This isn’t related to the short.. but Disney, who once again proves they can’t be progressive without stabbing themselves in the foot and no I will not stop giving out about this. This time’s especailly bad as while Out was heavily promoted.. the descripton DOSEN’T mention it having Pixar’s first gay lead and goes out of it’s way to hide Greg being gay despite the fact the short dosen’t and his being in the closet is the whole conflict of the short. And the not mnentiong the first gay lead thing is noticable because Loop DID rightly point out it was their first non verbal proganist. You can’t.. brag about being progressive about one thing and then try to hide your being progressive about another you idiots. Plus the “pleasing the bible belt” ship has sailed and left port. Ducktales is gay as hell with Penny being gay, even if Disney won’t let her just come out and say it, the crew still had her say it as much as they could, Violet’s dad’s being gay, Della being bi and Webby and Lena being as close to a couple you can get without disney screaming at them no. Andi Mack is fully avaliable on D+ as well.. well okay not fully because the dad turned out to be a pedophile, but still a series with a fully gay character is out there. And finally Owl House got TONS of press for having a bi progatanist and having her love intrest be a girl. Even if Dana Terrance had to FIGHT for that, and rightly so good on her, the point is you have queer characters already. The groups that hate you for that aren’t going to magically stop hating you because you hide the fact a short anyone can see from minute one is very , beautifully gay, I mean it starts with a very swishy space cat emerging from a rainbow atop a pink dog. COME ON. I only have a few words left for disney..

Okay whew, one more and we’re out of here. 

Burrow: It’s Okay to Ask for Help and To Bang a Willing Salamander This was the first one I watched today. In hindsight had I properly researched the shorts and realized how heavy they were I probably would’ve saved this one for later to help balance out the deep feels of some of these. While Burrow is VERY VERY good, as all these shorts have been even Float, it’s subject matter is a lot lighter. I mean so far we’ve had stories about toxic masculinity, animal abuse, issues accepting your child is diffrent, sacrficing yourself so your loved one can have a better life, autisim and coming out of the closet. Even Smash and Grab which is light and breezy.. still has a disney death, and is still about a heroic rush to freedom from slavery whenyou think about it. This one.. is about an insecure bunny whose afraid to ask for help and ends up learning to get it while ending up plumiting through a bunch of comedic set pieces. It’s basically if Winnie the Pooh and Bugs Bunny had a baby comedy wise, it has the warm feeling of pooh art wise, a storybook quality tha’ts utterly adoring.. but director Madeline Sharafan specifccally wanted the animators to take after chuck jones, using lots of great expressions and reactions. It has a real classic theatrical screwball comedy vibe and given The Looney Tunes, Droopy, and Tom and Jerry mean the world to me and i’m glad nto reocnnect with 2/3 thanks to HBO Max.. I fucking loved it. 

Burrow is still a personal story and is based on Sharifan’s experinces having trouble colaberating, wanting something to be fully baked before showing it off, something I agian relate to. She often hid from the others and refused to show her work until it was done while everyone else was happy to help. And as the previously used to slam disney hard with something they own Hickman Era of X-men has shown.. colaboration is just better and more freeing. By having friends and colleuge s to bounce off of you refine ideas, see how people react to them and grow a bit and that’s what the shorts about. 

The plot is easily the simpliest of these: A young bunny wants to build her dream burrow but gets self concious when she runs into a friendly mole and rat living next door to where she wants to build and keeps digging to find both privacy and her own place.. and instead ends up digging into various shenangians and other burrows from frogs, to hedgehogs to most memorably some Salmanders taking a sauna.. and in the best and most ‘how the fuck did they get away with this bit of it”, one of the salamanders ends up .. gladly removing his town and being liike “You wanna do this? I mean I got an hour free” And i’m just saying while now wasn’t the time and the offer was a little awkward i’d go for it if I was her. I mean at least ask him out for coffee later. He seems nice enough if low on boundries. Then ride him until the morning light girl, ride it. She also finds the Demon Bear from New Mutants at one point.. so that’s where he retried to after danny kicked his ass again. Neat. 

But eventually our heroione digs herself too deep and ends up hitting water before finding a 

Who sees her crumpled plans and then does the stygian call of the badger to call all the other animals to help and after they escape the flood, the bunny finally realizes their good people and lets them see the plans. So we end on our heroine and her new friends and possible salamander lover helping her settle in as she finallyg ets the home she wanted, complete with disco. I mean every home should have a disco. If I didn’t have a ceeling fan i’d have a disco ball.. and I still want one just to set somewhere or hang away from the fan . Let me dream dammit. Overally a fun, hilarious, mad dash short with a good message and a good note to go out on.

Final Thoughts: Overall.. the Sparkshorts program is fucking spectacular, a great way to let some of Pixar’s staff get into the directors chair and really shine, and a way to tackle issues that they may not be able to get greenlit into a full film. Lushily animated, well produced, Pixar has announced MORE are coming and I cannot wait. Thank you kev for comissioning this, and thank you all for reading. If your new and liked this review, follow this blog as I talk disney all the time: when they come back i’ll be doing regular coverage of Amphibia, Ducktales and the Owl House as new episodes come out every week, and i’m currently doing a retropsective on the three cablleros kev also paid for, with the finale of it, an episode by episode look at the legend of the three cablleros, starting this week. I’m also covering LIfe and times of scrooge mcduck (though infrequently for a bit), and finishing up a look at darkwing duck’s just us justice ducks, started with looks at all the players involved and finshing next week with the episode itself.  So if any of that sounds good to you, check out the archives, but goodbye, goodbye, goodbye for now. 

[o-wise-corvid]

Oooookay guys! Here’s the prologue to my little fic idea. It’s um... it’s gonna be depressing okay so if you can’t handle some gut wrenching emotionals, leave this for another day. I really hope y’all like it and I’m gonna try to get at least one update in a week. Anyhoo. Enjoy.

People who were wanting more: @captainrexisboo @clonetrooperrights @koskareevesismyqueen @gospelofme @jgvfhl @ct-27-fives @pro-fangirls-unsocial-life

TAGS: PG-13 tops/mention of deaths/battle trauma/PTSD/ nightmares/ self-loathing thoughts/ um... If y’all see something else I need to tag, holler. Oh and if ya wanna reblog, go right ahead.

Prologue- Captain Cody

A varactyl death scream. The echoing sounds of blaster fire. His own voice repeated over and over, bellowing orders, shrieking in pain. He watched the Jedi fall. Obi-Wan turned himself over in midair, determined to survive. The commander’s arm was still lifted in the kill order gesture, two fingers pointing at the target. His arm. “Blast him.” Words formed easily by his mouth while the inside of his head screamed, fighting his own bones and muscles.

Cody’s eyes snapped open and he cried out wordlessly, relieved to find himself in his bunk, shrouded in the dark, legs twisted up in sweat damp covers. He lay still, trying to bring his breathing under control.

“Captain?” The black protocol droid that had been assigned to his quarters snapped to life and turned hollow, yellow visual sensors toward him.

“It’s fine, Sixthree.” His voice sounded ragged in the hollow, stuffy echo of the room.

Cody sat up, swinging his legs over the side of his bunk with a groan. His hips and lower back protested, popping as he moved. He was getting old and feeling it. Standing, Cody shuffled to the refresher and braced himself on the little sink that stood directly opposite the door. The squared off, slightly warped mirror betrayed more than his body ever could.

His hair was silvered at the temples and around the back of his head, thinning up top. He’d been considering going totally bald for a while now. Just to be done with it. Wrinkles spread out from his eyes in webs, carving furrows from his nose and down the sides of his mouth, creasing his forehead. The scar framing his left eye was more like a crevice now, pulling his eyelid down a little. His body wasn’t as lithe and flexible as it had once been, though he’d like to see one of the fit new Shinies take on a spider droid up next to him.

“You look rough, Trooper.” And then he smiled dryly at himself, scratching the stubble on his chin and cheeks absently.

A sick ache left from the dream curdled in his guts and he splashed some lukewarm water on his face. The memories of the Order didn’t seem like they would ever ease. The hatred of what he’d done followed him like a shadow, literally everywhere he looked, the result of his contribution to the Galactic Empire slapped him across the face as if on purpose. The monster had risen from the seeds sown by what most people now called The Clone Wars and it was huge, dark and ugly.

Obi-Wan. Cody gave an audible hiss at the thought of his name. The Jedi had been his friend, had saved his life, and how had he been repaid? With a watery grave, a shot in the back from his own Troopers. Guilt, old and familiar made him tighten his grip on the sink, the flimsy plastisteel groaning under the force he exerted. There’d not been a man in he galaxy that Cody had respected more and a faint glimmer of hope that his actions now would’ve made The Negotiator... what, proud? Not hate him because of what he’d done, the way he did in many other nightmares that made the regular circuit of his fitful dreams.

Cody wasn’t sure. He walked around, issued order about keeping the destroyer he’d been charged with floating, and trained new recruits when he wasn’t looking fierce. Recruits?! Stupid little kids that thought they could ever match the ferocity and skill of Clones. His brothers. There were so few of them left anymore, all spread around, trying to imprint their abilities on people who were not bread to war and battle. It was such numb-skulled concept. The Empire wanted the effectiveness of Clones but didn’t want to keep making them.

“Captain Cody.”

That voice brought him to attention. It was Vader. A chill crept over his scalp and down his spine until it sank into his feet, turning them into blocks of ice. Cody crossed to the communication display that took up most of the living quarter’s space. Vader’s head and shoulders loomed, huge and eclipsing, angular mask staring at him indifferently. He snapped to attention, uncaring that he was only in the black bottoms that he wore under his armor. “Lord Vader.”

The head inclined slightly in acknowledgement. Just after the end of the Wars, Vader had caught him in this state before and when he didn’t address the fact that Cody was naked to the waist and obviously just getting out of bed, Cody realized that Vader either tolerated it, doubtful, or simply didn’t care. He had no idea who Vader was underneath the armor and cape, but his suspicions leant toward a former Jedi. Who in the Force that might’ve been, he had absolutely no clue. The man knew soldiers though and he didn’t antagonize those who did their job and did it well. One thing he knew though was that he didn’t want to get on Vader’s bad side. Cody had betrayed his Jedi against his will, but this man... this man was something else. If former Jedi he was, Vader had slain and hunted his brethren until the mention of them was all but forbidden. If he knew soldiers, then he’d been in command. And there were only a handful of Jedi who had actually led troops, none of whom Cody could stomach the thought of becoming the beast that was Darth Vader.

“Your presence is required in the training yard. I have a new assignment for you.”

“As you wish, my Lord.” Cody answered automatically, without inflection. It was the way a Clone still under the control of the chip would sound like and Cody was careful to hold himself in that tight pattern, not allowing the facade to slip for even a second. If they knew, if anyone so much as suspected...

But his life was cheap at this point and if he had to die, trying to keep an eye on the Empire was a good use of what little time he had left.

He dressed quickly after Vader ended the transmission. His armor was not dissimilar from that which he’d worn nearly all his life, except black was the main color rather than white. It did look nicer, the shiny plastoid gleaming darkly with his signature bright yellow-gold accents. He bore the rank of Captain now, which was more decorative than anything, but even after all these years, Cody felt most comfortable with the weight of his armor encapsulating him. The Imperial insignia across his chest soured that comfortable feeling though.

Vader was waiting for him in the training yard, a thrumming shadow with the breath of a sleeping giant, waiting to reach out and crush anything it decided deserved a slow, strangling death. He was well over six feet tall and made Cody feel like he was looking up into the mouth of some enraged, ravenous beast. But he snapped to, saluted and stood at attention with practiced and even graceful fluidity.

“Captain,” Vader greeted smoothly, stepping to the side. His long cape shifted to reveal a... little girl? Cody’s eyes flicked down at her, seeing the naked terror on her face and it was all he could do not to tilt his head to let her know he was looking at her.

“This child is a force wielder, Captain. She lacks the ability to become as powerful as myself or even as the Jedi who you once served beside, but her talents can be used for the Empire’s service. You will train her in hand to hand combat. Your service record reflects the type of master she will require to be of use to us.”

“Yes sir,” Cody chirped, hoping his voice didn’t betray his total shock at what was happening. “She will... stay with me?”

“She will stay wherever you deem fit. Do not coddle her, Captain.” The command dripped menace and Cody fought the urge to swallow nervously.

“Of course not, my Lord. She will learn or she will die.” The little girl flinched at the word, glancing between the two faceless men. Vader nodded pointedly and left, the cape billowing behind him like a storm, not sparing a further considering moment for the little girl.

“Follow me.” Cody made sure his voice carried an acidic growl loud enough for anyone within earshot to register.

The girl gave a start and then obeyed. Her eyes were huge and dark, dirty and tangled black curls spilling around her face. Her skin would’ve been dark, possibly the same shade as his, had she not been leeched with cold and fright, her hands balled into tight little fists that she kept pressed to her chest.

He led her to his quarters, unsure of where else he was even supposed to take her. No one so much as glanced at them as the odd duo passed through the monstrous ship and Cody wondered if it was out of fear or apathy. Once they were inside, Cody ordered the protocol droid to go find some clothes that would fit the girl and bring in some food for her. The chattery clanker hurried off to do his bidding and Cody locked the door behind it. Then, he turned to look at the little girl.

What was he supposed to do now? Training older teenagers and grown adults was one thing. But a kid? A kid who’d been ripped from her family and tossed on a Star Destroyer with an old Clone, no less. Where was she from? What had happened to her? What must be happening inside her head right now...

“What’s your name?”

She blinked up at him, fear and anger making her eyes over bright, not answering. Instead, she made a frightened little noise and stepped back from him, glancing around for somewhere to escape. She was so scared, so lost. The sight of her did something unspeakable to Cody’s heart and he fought the urge to just scoop her up and hold her. Kids shouldn’t be experiencing this. They should be at home, with family, with people who could provide for them and protect them. This was so wrong. So cruel.

“Hey, hey, no...” Cody hesitated and then slowly removed his helmet, remembering an incident with Waxer and Boil on Ryloth in what felt like another lifetime. The helmets were scary back then; he probably looked like some sort of predator to her. Sinking down on one knee slowly, he leveled his eyes with hers, hoping not to further terrify his new charge. “I’m Cody. I’m not gonna hurt you, little one. But if you’re gonna survive this, you’re gonna have to trust me.”

She stared at him, breathing hard. There was no way he could get her off the ship and back to safety; her home was probably a crater by now, wherever it was.

“I... come here.” He reached for the blanket crumpled on his bed and tugged it free. “I know it’s cold. You’ll get used to it. Especially once we get you some decent clothes.” He opened it up to her, inviting her to take it. She didn’t. The dark, wide eyes watched him, tears spilling over and down her cheeks. Cody didn’t expect to feel a lump form in his own throat but there it was.

And that was when the world of Trooper CC-2224 shifted.

Something clicked, almost audibly, inside Cody’s head and the running, yowling script of “How am I supposed to do this?” halted, erased itself and was replaced with one firm sentence: “I’m going to do this.” Because of course he was. There wasn’t another option. He might’ve betrayed the Jedi, he might be still serving the Empire despite having slowly but surely shrugged out from under the control of the chip in his brain, but he was not going to just allow this little girl to suffer if he could possibly help it. For all his failings, for all his regret and self-hatred, this little girl could be the one thing that he finally got right. She needed a family, a protector, a provider... well... she had one. If this was coddling, then he guessed he’d just have to make his peace with disobeying a direct order, come what may. There really wasn’t any other choice.

“It’s okay, precious. I’m not-“ His breath left him as the girl flung herself at him. He wondered for a split second if maybe his epiphany had somehow shown through on his face as the girl’s momentum sent him rocking backward a little. It didn’t really matter though. This was where he realized he wanted her, safe and wrapped up in his arms. The relief of being able to comfort her somehow bled the strength out of him like a wound and he sat down with a weary sigh.

Skinny arms clutched around his neck and the cries of a child who had seen and felt too much too soon tore the air the quiet room. They stabbed at his chest, sounding too much like the green varactyl as it had fallen. “Easy, easy,” Cody tried, eyes stinging. He let the little girl cling to him as hard as she wanted, rubbing her bony back soothingly. He wanted to say something, to find the magic word that would make the pain that was this small creature lessen. But there were none, he realized as he swiped angrily at his own wet cheeks.

“You’re gonna have to trust me, okay?” he repeated after a long minute, having wrestled his emotions down to where he thought he could keep them still. “You’re gonna be okay.” Whatever was going to happen with this little girl would not be easy but in no way was this something he’d miss. Toss her off on some underling? Step in to check on her once a week? Unthinkable.

She grew still and then stepped back a little bit, hands still on his shoulders. Swollen, red eyes. Streaked, grimy cheeks. A dress that was mostly patches and frayed edges. “Cody,” she tried, and managed a wobbling, watery smile.

He smiled sadly at her, wiping her tears away with his thumbs. “That’s right. You... you can either tell me your name or if you’d like, you can have a new one.” What made him do it, Cody wouldn’t be able to say for several years. But the ultimate reason was that this little creature reminded him so very much of his brothers. He’d never held someone, let them cry on him and felt their body heave with sorrow, that wasn’t one of his brothers.

“I can pick a name?” A curious, almost happy note crept into the girl’s voice, which was high and sweet.

“Sure. I picked mine.”

She frowned but it was more curiosity instead of something troubling. A grimy hand came up and dug the heel of her palm into her eyes, then she gave a loud sniffle. “Your parents didn’t give you one?”

“I didn’t have parents,” Cody said simply. “I had brothers though. Lots and lots of them.”

The girl’s face brightened but then fell. “My parents are gone, too.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Cody cupped her face in his hands, trying so hard to be gentle. “But you’ve got me. I’m gonna make sure you’re gonna be okay.”

Her eyes glistened but she didn’t start sobbing again. Instead, she reached up and traced the curve of Cody’s scar with one finger. If there had been some part of himself that Cody had been withholding from committing to keeping this girl alive, it was now officially and unconditionally surrendered. He expected her to say something about the scar, but instead she asked softly, “Could I have my Mama’s name?”

“Tell it to me.” He actually impressed himself with how steady his voice sounded because inside, everything felt like it was breaking and twisting, reshaping itself into something not unpleasant but not easily made.

“Gaia,” she said quietly.

“That’s lovely.” Cody smiled, a tear that he hadn’t watched closely enough slipping down his cheek. The little girl saw it and daintily brushed it away. “You sure about it?” he asked, clearing his throat to try to hold some part of himself together.

“... Yeah...”

He pulled her into another hug, which was warmer than the first. She curled into him like they’d known one another her whole life and Cody, now so exhausted that all he wanted to do was crawl into bed and never get up, leaned back against the wall with a tired grunt. “Okay, Gaia. Okay.”

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, eps 1-5 thoughts! opening the new season with episodes like these kinda blew me away. we had multiple serious episodes INCLUDING a two parter!! also, valerie :)

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-I don't know what I expected s2 to open with. but danny portal incident in more detail was not it. (also, I hate to break it to you, sam, but danny's parent's bigass ghost hunting rv def chugs more gas than those vehicles, lmao. unless it runs on ectoplasm or something...)

-WHY WAS DESIREE IN THE SEWER? HAVING TEA WITH IT DOWN THERE?? Her making the giant cow come alive is a boss move, we've almost had all of my fav animals as ghosts now <3 I also don't like how sam was expecting danny to just, haunt the place so the cars wouldn't get sold? I KNOWWW I know she's 14 (and I had a very annoying phase like this, I think I mentioned in a previous post, I GET IT) but they're HIS powers, and messing with (1) dealership will not really put a dent in sales overall because they can just move the cars to another sales lot, and it certainly wont change the industry anyway, it's more of a minor annoyance for (1) location. Also, usually people who work at car sales places work on commission, so if they dont make a sale, they don't have money to pay bills, or eat. sam baby if u wanna be an activist you need to like, actually look into these things. with as much money as her parents have, she could be doing a lot..more useful things for causes she cares about? it's frustrating to see someone with resources who doesn't know how to use them. but shes 14 so again. cannot be really upset :/

-IS THIS A PREDATOR VS TERMINATOR VS FREDDY KRUEGER MOVIE BUT THEYRE ALL WOMEN?? you know, sam is so right to be excited about this. /I/ want to see this movie. that rules

-paulina inviting danny and friends to her quinceañera, aw! even if it is just to get phantom to show up :') and there'll be a meteor shower, and we KNOW danny wants to be an astronaut!! there's not a meteor shower every night!! the tickets are non-refundable, but..she's rich? like. gotta agree with danny, they never get invited!! I KNOW it's the principle of keeping promises, but if she was that upset, she should've said something. directly. I hated how she was like, passive aggressive about it through the episode, like you SAID IT WAS FINE, THAT YOU'D GO TO THE PARTY TOO. MOVIES SHOW FOR A FEW WEEKS IN THEATERS. IF YOU HAD A REAL PROBLEM YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. WE'VE HAD THIS PROBLEM BEFORE, SAM. YOUR FRIENDS. ARE NOT. MIND READERS.

-MR. LANCER GOING AFTER THE GHOST WITH THE FIRE EXTINGISHER LMAO

-this outfit is everything . anytime the show does an over the top cutesty pink outfit i WANT IT. it looks like shit I wear JKASDHF I HAVE a bow like that and a pink sweater. I need leg warmers </3

-SAMS GOTTA RE-HALF-KILL HIM??? thats fucked up. but also, he finally got his logo!! it took until s2!!! this episode was lowkey very fucked and I felt like it glossed over a lot. does sam have guilt about like. kinda KILLING HIM?? I know, he also agreed and walked into the portal. but. she made the choice to redo it SO quickly (even if it was because someone had to beat desiree) and danny, during their fight, brought up a lot of stuff sam's done in the past, meaning he was holding onto those memories and resentment was building. (I KEEP SAYING HE LOWKEY NEEDS THERAPY, BUT I THINK MOST EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW KINDA DOES) which...is a red flag? and then they didnt even GO to the party URGH I know she tried to make up for it, but it really felt like Sam fucked up and barely faced any consequences and got everything she wanted in the end. I KNOW it's a kids show obv they aren't going to go too in depth, and she undid the damage, kinda, but...I DUNNO how to articulate it but it rubbed me the wrong way.

-but on a note about desiree, her powers of wishes were STRONG ENOUGH TO ERASE NOT JUST THEIR MEMORIES, BUT DANNY'S POWERS?! fuck, if I was danny I'd be like, trying to make friends with her. I know they always have horrible side effects as most genie-granted wishes do, but...c'mon, I'd at least TRY to be like 'I wish no ghosts would hurt anyone in my town' or 'I wish vlad would lose his ghost powers forever no matter What and also forget about my mom' LIKE. SHIT DESIREE IS SO POWERFUL. rewriting reality powerful, basically!! appreciate her. respect her.

-aww, sam helping tucker pass the nurse's office so he wouldn't see because he's afraid of medical stuff? very sweet. I also don't like medical stuff, I've gotten a lot better at handling it tho. but seeing blood and needles still makes me feel lightheaded x_x

-FOLEY, BY TUCKER FOLEY. I want to make my own perfume, that's so cool. even if his first attempt isn't good, he's pretty consistently shown to have an inventor/entrepreneur streak in the show, so like. I can see him inventing or making something (or several somethings) that make him $$$ when he grows up :) proud of my creative son

-I know the 'creepy abandoned hospital on the edge of town' is a joke and the creepy hospital trope is so Worn Out, but in my town we actually DO have a hospital like that! my dad was born in it, but its not in use and hasn't been for, like, 20 years! it needs to be torn down but I think the city doesn't wanna pay the money. the inside is horrible, spray painted and broken glass and shit everywhere. but there's still like, rusty equipment and fucking DOLLS all over the place. the cops drive by it pretty frequently to make sure no one is like, breaking in. (because of water damage, some of the areas really aren't safe. also, asbestos, but people still go in anyway) but also, some of my town was used in a filming for a stephen king show. So it's lowkey spooky all over. just a fun personal tidbit :) to lead into saying, any hospital abandoned for any period of time is NOT safe to quarantine these kids in JKSAHDKF like I KNOW it's a ghost trying to do this, but NONE of these parents are even like, 'well, why dont we keep them in the regular, working hospital'....YIKES. this hospital looks pretty accurate to the one in town. grungy and spooky.

-fentons are tax evaders confirmed by jack's fear of being audited, lol no one is surprised

-ghost sickness via ghost bugs. horrifying concept. I actually expected it to be a new villain, not dr. spectra again! this is a very elaborate scheme. her new form rules, love the new costume. the way none of the bg kids seem to recognize her as their old school councilor. did we just forget about that completely?

-dash watching romance movies in the fucked up ghost hospital. same.

-'oh please, you're ghosts, do you have any idea what YOU smell like?' no, tucker, what DO ghosts smell like? I genuinely didn't know they would even have a smell, I actually want to know now.

-it feels like a while since we've seen jazz!! i was happy to see her again, even if she was a head in a jar for most the episode. I want another jazz-focused ep!!

-we finally see danny doing space-related stuff!! him and his friends stargazing to open ep 3 of s2. cute :) until, GHOST PIRATES!!!!! ...ghost pirate captain is a small child?? VOICED BY TAYLOR LAUTNER???

-oh, the easy listening is ember's song instrumental slowed. 'vapor drone' THEY VAPORWAVED HER!!! ember in a pirate outfit tho >>>>. and the cruise being called m.bersback JKASDHJK. ember adopting a little pirate brother is also pretty cute. concerning this teen and little kid have such bad opinions of adults, like, who hurt you?? (how did you DIE ALSO?? im always lowkey curious about that. we know desiree died at an old age, but her ghost form is young, probably mid-20s, so I wonder how that sort of thing works...its a more mental thing, isn't it?) but ghost team-ups are always cool to see, even if ember bailed after danny took her guitar. I guess she probably thinks youngblood can handle it (which, he's been owning danny this far in the ep, so...fair)

-tucker got that sponsorship from nasty burger for their radio!!! again, opportunistic money maker king, love to see it!!!

-danny taking control of the kids SO FAST. he makes a pretty great leader. no one is surprised, im pretty sure I said I think he's the most mature of the trio, once again, correct, because he's taken on so much responsibility already. all the teens suiting up in the jumpsuits to go save the adults and taking the ship over with a BLIMP. OKAY LETS GO. this feels like it should be a mid finale or straight up finale.

-...speaking of finales. why is ep 4-5 of s2 combined into a 50 minute episode? I havent even clicked play and im concerned. weird placement, like, this season JUST started and we're getting a two parter? okay...why are the episodes placed like this? why not put this at episode 10 or something, for a mid-season thing?

-this is also a cute dress. possibly my fav dress so far. can her parents give ME cute dresses, I'LL wear them.

-it turns out the castle fright knight was in is called pariah's keep and there's something worse than fright knight in there! lovely! fuck off vlad wtf are you doing <3 your hubris <3 is going to literally get you killed <3 'ring of rage' and 'crown of fire' are great names tho. ...vlad turning into a super polite guy when he was scared of mr. pariah was hilarious. and fright knight doing the same...I mean, it makes sense, he's a knight, he serves a king? happy to see fright knight again either way :) vlad telling him to call him tho, lmfao. you WISH HE WOULD. (I wish hed call me, too. 😔)

-so...jack being genuinely concerned about vlad...maddie really didn't tell him what happened at the cabin, did she. damn. if I was her id immediately come home and be like 'YOU WONT BELIEVE THIS SHITTTT THIS CREEPY GUY--' like, I feel like that stuff you need to tell your partner!!! I know she didnt want Jack to think she was an irresponsible parent putting danny in danger at that time, but STILLLL. maddie spilling boiling tea on him. get his ass. how is jack this oblivious to his wife's discomfort with vlad!! ughhh

-fenton wipe (tm). trademarked toilet paper.

-DANNY AND VALERIE BEING FRIENDS??? :D that was a cute moment. 'hey val <3' and 'if you like him like him, make a move, or someone else will ;)' at sam...damn!! I love her. valerie go for it girl!!! I hate how sam and tucker treat val also, like I GET IT YOURE PROTECTIVE AND DONT TRUST but if anything him befriending valerie will help when she finds out or he tells her like I feel like she'll be more understanding that they think! ALSO I feel like her reason for not liking ghosts is valid, like you haven't really explained the full story to her anyway! she doesn't seem to have any other friends after being booted from the a-listers so im like :( but seeing them kick butt together again was nice <3

-the ghosts all RUNNING FROM PARIAH DARK IS NOT GOOD, I thought he sent them to attack or something, but no. why doesn't someone just tell desiree 'hey i wish pariah dark would die' lol. once again I think she can solve every problem <3 but seeing all the enemies in one place, being civil and hiding together? love it.

-you just know danny's gonna have to clean up vlad's stupid mess. also, jack being willing to put on the ectoskeleton pants to help maddie, as soon as vlad heard it could kill him, he suggested jack do it instead of helping maddie himself? this is why jack got the girl, my man.

-ghost skeletons. how do you end up as a skeleton ghost in your afterlife instead of a humanoid like most the ones we've seen? lmao

-the ghosts just making new homes in various stores. I'd totally be setting up in an expensive clothing store if I was a ghost.

-valerie's dad is possibly the most useful adult so far, with that ghost shield expansion!!! and valerie saving vlad and danny, even tho shes been thru it already, shes still so good!!! this family rules.

-danny: *gently caresses valerie* :)

-*then he immediately TELLS HER DAD ON HER. and his first response is 'are you okay?' :'( such a good dad...

-*me every time fright knight breathes* youre doing SO great sweetie :)

-the fenton suit thing is so silly looking. does anyone take this thing seriously

-ALL THE GHOSTS FIGHTING WITH DANNY <3 AAAAA. and the fact that pariah isn't perma-defeated, but just locked away again. yikes. he'll probably get out again, won't he? it wasn't too clear, but if vlad DID make a pact with fright knight, I am rabid. I will beat vlad to death with the fenton bat (tm). YOU DONT DESERVE A COOL KNIGHT.

-valerie being direct with sam and challenging her? kinda love that, even tho I normally don't like 'catfight' type situations. because sam has been very passive aggressive about it which is annoying. valerie knows wtf she wants and wasn't even embarrassed to tell sam, but she did tell her, giving sam time to make her own move! and sam denied it and got embarrassed/mad! and sam did have a chance when danny was about to go off and fight, and she hesitated and didn't tell him. I feel like she's hesitating because they're friends and it might make it weird between the trio (poor tucker would be third-wheeling) but if u snooze u lose, u gotta GO after what u WANT girl. smh this is a No Tsundere Zone. 😤

[lightspeedrobin]

Found (Chapter 3) - Morisawa Chiaki/Reader

Summary: Chiaki can vaguely remember that time in kindergarten when he saved a girl during a school field trip but he knows that it was the first time he became someone’s hero. With only a dolphin plush and a worn-out handkerchief to remind him of that memory, he finally meets her again.

A/N: A lot of IRL stuff happened which caused the delay of this update but here it is~ Hope you enjoy and please look forward to the next and final chapter~!

Chapter 3: A Snippet of the Past

-

It seems like today is his lucky day as Chiaki is called up on stage by the emcee, his smile couldn’t be any wider as he joins the other kid next to the sea lion. The next bit of the show was to have volunteers from the audience play some tricks with the aquatic animal. 

He was waving excitedly to his mom from the audience seats when he heard a scream followed by a splash of water.

The crowd was in panic as the girl was pulled underwater, the emcee calling for a lifeguard through the microphone and the girl’s classmates shouting at her. Chiaki is stunned as well. One second she was just standing next to him and the next she’s gone. 

But he was moving before he even registered what he’s about to do and jumped into the water, the worried voice of the emcee fading as he tried to swim deeper into the water to reach the drowning girl.   

‘Heroes have these kinds of moments too, huh? Suddenly rushing in to help without giving it any thought.’, he thinks to himself, stretching his arm long enough to grab hold of the girl. With the sudden charge into the water, however, Chiaki didn’t have a chance to take a deep breath so he was struggling to pull themselves above water before he ran out of breath.

But he couldn’t hold it any longer. He lets out air from his mouth, bubbles escaping and making their way upwards, and started to inhale water. It was painful. Despite that, he kept a firm hold of the girl’s arm. Judging by the ease of pulling her towards him, the animal must’ve let her go.

However it was too late, as Chiaki’s senses were fading and his grip started to loosen.

It was the aquarium staff who ultimately saved both children, pulling them out as quickly as they could. Thankfully, they were able to regain consciousness after receiving first aid, and their worried parents rushed in.

As his mother was patting his head in relief, Chiaki looked over to the girl who was fighting the tears in her eyes, telling her mom how scared she was and the older woman comforting her. She seemed okay physically, at least.

They were led to the infirmary for a quick check-up, and after confirming that both didn’t sustain any injuries were taken to the souvenir shop to get some dry clothes.

--

Chiaki feels a tug on his shirt and turns around to see the girl in a fresh new set of clothes bought from the shop. She was fidgeting with her fingers before shyly meeting his eyes. 

“Mommy said I should always thank people who help me… so… thank you very much for saving me!” She bows her head and Chiaki is at a loss for words. 

“No, no. It wasn’t really me who saved you.” The young boy quickly denies despite the warm feeling her words brought him. He felt like he didn’t deserve the gratitude. He did almost drown with her after recklessly jumping in after her.

She shakes her head. “I already thanked the nice adults earlier. But you were the one who tried to save me first, right? So, thank you!” She insists and bows her head again. The sincerity of her voice made the young boy give up any more argument and accept her gratitude. He smiles in reply.

“A hero never hesitates when there are people in need, after all.”

Chiaki then notices a paper bag beside the girl. It was the same size as the one he has after purchasing a souvenir from the shop. “Did you also buy one?” And the girl tilts her head to the side in confusion.

He points to the bag. “A souvenir, I mean.” He clarifies. She turns her attention to the bag and nods. 

“Yes. The dolphins from the show were cute”, she reaches inside the bag and reveals a pink stuffed dolphin, “so I want to keep one too!”

Chiaki’s eyes grow wide and opens his own bag. “I also liked the show so I got one too!” A blue stuffed dolphin peeks from inside, the same kind the girl has. The girl gasps in awe and giggles before speaking again. “We match!”

“We do!” And he matches her laughter with one of his own before being interrupted by a sudden sneeze, surprising the both of them. 

“Are you okay?” The girl worriedly asks, and Chiaki quickly wipes his nose with his sleeve. 

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine! This usually happens when I get a little chilly but it should be fine when we get outside.” He explains. He was never good with changing temperatures to begin with and the air conditioning of the shop was doing more harm than good. They did both just came from the outside stage earlier and that summer heat was no joke. Not to mention them being dripping wet not too long ago.

The girl gives him one more concerned look before patting on the pockets of her skirt. She pulls out a handkerchief. “Here, you can use this. Mommy always makes me carry one.” 

Chiaki was hesitant but gave an awkward laugh before taking it. “Thanks! It’s a little embarrassing you had to see that.” He can already feel his cheeks turning red. He should really start bringing a towel of his own in the future. But the girl pays it no mind and says that it didn’t bother her at all.

Before they could start another conversation, a voice calls out and the girl turns around to see her mother waving at her from the entrance. It must be their time to leave.

“Mommy is calling me... I guess it’s time to go home.” She says, a hint of sadness in her voice. The girl didn’t move from her spot and looked down on the floor with a frown. It must be hard to say goodbye to a new friend so early.

A cheerful ‘Well, take care!’ should at least break the silence, Chiaki thought. Though he too didn’t want to part too soon, he knows his mom would be calling for him too. So he puts on a brave smile and steps forward. But just as he was about to open his mouth the girl lifts her head.

“It was nice meeting you! Thank you again for rescuing me!” She spoke with all the appreciation she felt at that moment. “... And I hope we can meet again.” She quickly grabs her paper bag and runs away before Chiaki can even utter a reply. She takes her mother’s waiting hand but before the two exit the shop, she turns around.

“Bye bye, Mr. Hero!”

--

Chiaki lies awake on his bed, his mind still reminiscing the incident from long ago. How could he have forgotten? 

He remembers having a field trip when he was younger. A troubled expression of his mother when she realized Chiaki picked up the wrong paper bag from the aquarium shop. And the panic he felt after realizing he and the girl had accidentally swapped bags. He remembers coming down with a fever on that same night.

So that memory wasn’t a fever dream after all? 

He sits back up on the bed and reaches for the old paper bag he left by his bedside. A pink dolphin, a handkerchief, and a name. No matter how many times he opens it, nothing changes. He closes his eyes to let it sink in once more.

He was the one who saved her. He was her first hero.

--

After dropping by the ES building for work, Chiaki spends the rest of his free time roaming around ES. He still can’t believe it. Remembering what happened is one thing, but meeting the girl he had saved back then was almost too coincidental that the brunette wonders if there really is some divine being at work here. Or it could also be fate trying to tie them together. Not every person you meet will cross paths with you again, after all.

Maybe this is the universe giving Chiaki an opportunity to give her back her handkerchief. He didn’t really intend to keep it back then, just wipe his nose quickly and then hand it back, but she was gone too soon. The pink dolphin was hers too, so he can give that back as well. But that could mean her giving him the blue one, which was supposed to be his. She had treasured his dolphin for so long and for her to just return it like that, in exchange for a pink dolphin that he didn’t really paid attention to all these years, would be a really disappointing trade.

All he’s thinking right now is if their current relationship would change if he tells her. And if that change would be for the better or for the worse. 

Right now, he’s assuming the worst.

He thought a walk would clear his mind of these thoughts, but it only made him think about them more. He needs to find another way to distract himself.

But somehow in his wandering around, he ends up at the front of the cafe. He must’ve navigated there by instinct, though he wasn’t sure if he would call it that considering he was only able to go there twice. Well thrice, if he counted today.

He steps a little to the far side of the road to let the other people walk past. It would look a little suspicious if people saw him just staring at the shop so he takes out his phone and pretends to be texting someone. 

He subtly looks up from his phone to see inside the cafe and spots the owner by the counter, picking up the orders to serve. Another female joins her with a tray in hand. That must be the other employee who was sick for the last few days. Well, he’s glad the owner didn’t have to wait tables alone today. Yesterday was a hectic day indeed but today’s atmosphere looks a little calmer, with a manageable amount of customers. 

‘There was a festival nearby which would explain why there were a lot more children in the area’, was what the owner told him.

At the thought of what happened the previous day, Chiaki remembers a funny exchange he had with her. He had tried to pay for his order but she insisted it’s on the house, saying that she might still get in trouble for making him work so it’s the least she could do.

“Haha! I told you, you won’t. So it’s okay, really. Let me pay for it.” Chiaki was already reaching for his wallet, taking out some L$ and placing them on the table in front of her

She pushed the money back at him, shaking her head. “Well, then just consider it as payment for helping out. It’s the least I can do.”

“No, no. Just take it. I’m still a customer after all!”

“Usually when someone’s offered something for free they’d gladly take it, you know?”

“And I’m not one who just takes advantage of that and not compensate you properly for your hard work.”

Their exchange went on for a few more minutes until both started laughing at how silly they both are for just a parfait. In the end, they decided to just meet halfway and pay the dessert on a discount. 

A small laugh escapes Chiaki’s lips after looking back at the memory and he finally tucks his phone back to his pocket. Maybe he really is just overthinking it all and she’d actually be happy when he tells her. Maybe. He should probably at least tell Kanata or Kaoru about this whole situation. Knowing their thoughts about it would also help him get out of his pessimistic tunnel vision.

Chiaki nods to himself and takes one last glance at the cafe before heading back to the office, now with an objective in mind.

--

this fic is also up on my ao3, @lightspeedrobin , do give me a follow there too if you can~

Ch.2 | Ch.4

[minniewoos]

Royal Affairs ➣ Yang Jeongin

Genre: royal au, fluffy, slight crack

Pairing: reader x jeongin

Word Count: 9,207

Summary: Royalty can get boring, so you sneak into town every week. And maybe you fell in love with the cute stranger who’s willing to fight over bread. But he seems to have a secret himself.

Life was boring.

Rules rules rules some regulations and more rules. You were absolutely sick of it. Constricting corsets and gowns, proper poise and manners. You had to be a lady, a princess, always told of the high expectations you had to meet. While you knew your duties and you were happy to fulfill them, you desperately wanted a break from royalty every so often.

And ‘every so often’ meant every Saturday in towns square in front of the bakery, at 3 pm exactly. And it was a part of your routine that you looked forward to immensely. So on Saturday, you became a peasant. Shedding your gowns and jewelry in favor of simple dresses and boots. While it was certainly less appealing, it was a nice getaway. It also allows you to see the condition of your kingdom without bias, which helped.

And, of course, there was him. 

He called himself Jeongin. You met him one day when he seemed to be having trouble with one of the shopkeepers, the baker. So, you stepped in and helped to settle the small argument. After helping, the two of you just kept talking, and talking and talking, a lot. All while wandering around the town, enjoying the bustling streets and little simplicities. The long conversation didn’t end until you noticed the sun going down. And by then you realized you didn’t want to say goodbye to the entrancing stranger. So that’s how your routine started, you both agreed to meet up again the next week. Then the week after that as well, and so on.

Every Saturday. Towns square. Bakery. 3 pm.

There you stood; hands folded in front of you as you waited patiently; your hood was up as per usual. You watched your people in towns square as they crossed the cobbled streets. Children played among the crowd, running and giggling around the feet of the adults. You smiled fondly, remembering you used to get scolded by your caretaker for running inside the palace. You always liked to pull her strings when you were younger.

“Oh! Miss y/n, waiting for your little boyfriend again huh?” The baker suddenly greeted you, his tray of fresh bread was held between his hand and his portly belly. Your mouth began to water at the smell.

“He’s a bit late isn’t he.” the baker added as he glanced around towns square.

“A little,” You shrugged, eyeing up the fresh bread, “he lives a bit far so it happens occasionally.”

“I see, you better give him a good smack for making a young pretty lady like you wait.” He jested as he grabbed a roll of bread off his tray and handed it to you, “Here you go, you look like a wolf staring at it.”

You took it gratefully and laughed, “You know how I always enjoy your food, Mr. Baker. Thank you.”

“Always a pleasure, I’m serious when I say give that kid a good smack.” The baker smiled and returned to his bakery. You rolled your eyes and bit into the roll, and you smiled and sighed contentedly. You can confidently say you’ve grown very fond of this meeting spot. Not only because they serve delicious bread, but it’s where you first met Jeongin. And continued to meet with him there, it held a lot of good memories. Even if he was trying to fight with the baker the first time you met.

Speaking of him, you looked up and spotted Jeongin rushing through the crowd, maneuvering his way around everybody without trying to bump into anybody. You took another bite of the roll and smiled. You raise your hand up in an ecstatic wave.

“Oi, did the baker come by already? I missed him?” Jeongin ran up, slightly out of breath as he noticed the partly bitten roll in your hands.

“Just a moment too late.”

“Aish really?” His lips turned down in a pout as he rested his hands on his hips. He looked at the bakery doors quizzically. Probably wondering if he could beg the baker for another roll of bread. You decided to save him the trouble with the baker.

“Here you big baby, stop frowning like that.” You smiled softly and broke your roll in half, handing him the piece.

“Ah see y/n, this is why I like you.” His pouty face turned into a knowing smile. He took it happily and ruffled your hair up, then shifted so he was leaning into you so his elbow had a place to rest. When he was comfortable, his leg bent so his ankles crossed using you as an armrest, he opened his mouth wide and ate his half in one big bite. You stared at him in gross wonder as he munched down on his snack.

“What?” He looked at you confused, still chewing.

“I can never understand how you can fit so much in your mouth. You devour everything.” You tsked and eyed him as he finished the roll. “Actually you just have a big mouth.”

“And you have a big head.”

You shot him a look and smacked his arm, “Excuse me but you don’t say that to a lady.”

“And you don’t tell gentlemen they have big mouths-”

Before he could continue you smacked his arm again, earning a confused look from him. “What was that one for?”

“That was a request from Mr. Baker,” You smiled cheekily at him, “He said, and I quote, ‘give that kid a good smack.’”

Jeongin rolled his eyes and put an arm around your shoulder comfortably, the two of you began to walk downtown. He then thought for a moment, eyebrows furrowed, “Yea…he’s never liked me much huh?”

“He likes you; he just likes to tease you is all. Especially since you fought with him over his own bread.” You said, playing with his hand that was hanging off your shoulder. Twisting his rings and twiddling his fingers.

“In my defense, he gave me the smallest loaf and I was starving that day.”

“That’s no excuse baby.” You said with a playful tone on your tongue, “Remember I saved your arse. He was about to beat you.”

“Yea, my hero.” He kissed the top of your head affectionately with a giggle.

It was the small moments that made you happy with Jeongin. The playful banter and teasing remarks that were exchanged. The way you two acted around each other was so casual and informal, that you grew to like him at an incredibly fast rate. There was no bowing or royal treatments with him. He treated you like a normal person and not like someone to be worshipped and praised. Granted, he thought you were a peasant just like him, but it didn’t matter. Jeongin saw more than what was on the surface, and that did absolute wonders for your heart.

Not to mention he was pretty handsome, but he doesn’t need to know that.

At some point, you were laying in the grass under an apple tree. There was a nice, cool breeze wafting through the air. Jeongin was beside you, his hands behind his head and eyes closed peacefully. You turned to the side to look at him, a smile crept onto your face as you basked in the peaceful moment. There were probably a million things you could say about this boy and just how much you care about him. Suddenly a question made its way into your train of thought, so you reached out and poked his cheek.

“Hm?” He peaked his eye open.

You sat up and brought your knees to your chest, wrapping your arms around them, “Tell me, why do you like someone like me?”

Jeongin propped himself up on his elbows as he looked at you, his head tilted a bit, “Why do you ask?”

“I’m curious. I’m just wondering why ya know.” You then poked him in the chest, prodding him to answer, “Now answer me, I wanna know.”

“Hmm…only if I get something in return” He took your hand from his chest and played with it, gently rubbing his thumb in circles over the back of your hand, “deal?”

“Okay deal.”

Jeongin then looked up, his eyes closed and face scrunched up in concentration. He stayed like that for a few moments, your hand still in his. Then his face relaxed albeit his eyes were still shut. He uttered hesitantly, “You remind me of a princess.”

You cocked an eyebrow, very curious as to what he meant, “How so?”

“You are…very beautiful. In everything you do y/n. From the way you talk and walk and just, interact with others. You aren’t fazed by what people want from you, how people tell you to act is different from how you really are. For example, from the moment we met you weren’t afraid to confront me and yell at me.” Jeongin laughed, remembering the memory fondly.

“I wasn’t happy at first, but then we kept talking…and I realized you have your own color to you. A very beautiful color. I see a strong girl who can take care of herself and not listen to nonsense from others. I also see a playful girl, who likes to tease and mess around. All while keeping dignity and poise to her character. And that’s what made me want to keep meeting you. I think you’re very beautiful.” He finished off and nodded to himself, then squeezed your hand affectionately. A faint smile was visible on the corner of his lips as he looked down in embarrassment. But you could tell that he was sincere. That this boy meant every single word he said. And as you looked at him, your heart flipped and jumped and exploded in your chest. You squeezed his hand back and smiled fondly.

You put your hand on his chin and lifted his head up, he looked up and locked eyes with yours. Leaning in, you pecked his lips lightly. A soft and brief kiss. You pulled away just a centimeter before uttering three words that filled your head, your heart, and your entire being.

“I love you.”

After hearing you, Jeongin reached up and rested a hand on your cheek, his eyes bearing into yours intensely. He slowly leaned in to close the minuscule gap before pressing his lips against yours. He was gentle, the kiss was gentle as if he was scared you would break or push him away. Perhaps he was hesitant for your permission.

So, as naturally as if felt, you moved your hand up and threaded your fingers through his dark tresses. Curling your fingers slightly as you pushed deeper into the kiss. And it felt as if a warmth spread through your chest, all your love for this boy expressed through this kiss. Simple and innocent yet full of love. You were consumed by your love for him, as thoughts of him ran through your cloudy mind. You thought of the smile he has when he teased you, how he laughs with you, and the way his eyes crinkle through it all. Your head was foggy, but your heart was warm. A truly beautiful first kiss shared under an old rickety apple tree. And you wouldn’t have had it any other way than with Jeongin.

You pulled away for a breath, resting your forehead against his as your chest rose and fell lightly. You felt his soft breaths as he caught his breath as well. You looked up into his doe eyes as you kept your hand in his hair, twirling a couple strands. Then you smiled. Then he smiled. And you both laughed lightheartedly.

“I love you too, by the way.”

Oh, what this boy does to you.

∎∎∎

Seven days after your first kiss and you were still swooning over it.

You laid in bed, hands clasped over your heart as it fluttered just thinking about it. The birds chirped happily outside your window and the sun shone brighter than it ever had. The smile on your face has been there since you woke up and it wouldn’t disappear. Why?

The day was officially Saturday, and that means that you see Jeongin once more. A new nervousness bubbled up in your chest, it excited you. You squeezed your eyes and sat up quickly, throwing your covers off and hopping out of bed. You did a little hop, then another and shook your head. Trying to get the jitters out of your system, you began to tidy up your room.

When your maid walked in, it startled her to see you already up and about. Your drapes were already open wide and tied back, your chosen dress for the day was laid out, and you were now making your bed. The look on your dear maid’s face was startled and horrified.

“Princess! Here, let me, please,” She shooed you away from the bed and began making it instead. “You shouldn’t be doing peasants work like this. Why on earth are you up so early, your highness?”

You smiled and shrugged, your eyes shone with rare enthusiasm, “I don’t know, it’s a good day.”

Your maid gave you an odd look, “Your highness, please excuse me, but you’ve been especially cheerful lately.”

“Really? How so.”

She leaned in and lowered her voice as if telling a secret. You witnessed this action often since the maids were fond of gossiping. “There’s been rumors circling that you’ve found a lover, your highness”

You puckered your lips and tilted your head in thought, your eyes to the ceiling, “How’d they start? Is it just cause I’m happy?”

“I assume so, girls have a glimmer in their eyes when they fall in love, you know” She finished making your bed and smiled brightly towards you, “And you have it. The past whole week you’ve had it.”

You shrugged once more, a knowing smile on your face as you give your maid a mischievous look. She dropped her jaw slightly before a smile crept its way up, she stood straight happily, “If you don’t mind me asking…who is it..? One of the knights, or the servers… oh, the duke!”

You put your finger to your lips and winked at her, “Now if I say, then it wouldn’t be as exciting now, would it. Anyway, help me get dressed for the day, I want it to start as soon as possible.”

“Oh, of course, your highness!”

After your day started you rushed through your daily tasks with a renewed excitement. There wasn’t a moment you could sit still or when your mind hadn’t wandered to Jeongin. And people could tell. But you only stayed silent with the usual mischievous glint in your eyes. Some knew why you were so distracted, but others were in the dark. And you assumed they thought it was just the princess being the princess again. You’ve always been known throughout the castle to be a little difficult at times. While you’ve calmed down over the years, you were still known to be a little cheeky regarding royal matters. So, you went through the day of the court, keeping up with laws, continuing etiquette classes, and conversing with aristocrats. All with half a mind. The other half was, of course, stuck on Jeongin.

It was only when you were conversing with the marquess about something is when your mindlessness was brought up. In front of the court officials too. You were in a meeting, of some sort.

“Oh lord, princess y/n! I’m aware of the reputation you have and your eccentricities, but this is a topic of high importance! This isn’t trivial so if you would please pay attention.” The marquess scolded you, his tone stern. You snapped back to reality and apologized, but truthfully, you were unaware of the topic at hand.

“Do you even know what we’re talking about.” He rubbed his temples and heaved a great sigh.

You gave him a long blank stare and refused to answer, but everyone at the table knew you had zoned off long ago.

“This is about your future,” Your mother, the queen, prompted, “more specifically, your espousal.”

“Sorry, my what?”

“Your hand in marriage, dear.” Your mother said, visibly strained and agitated.

“Oh.”

A pause.

“Wait my what?” Your jaw dropped in utter shock; this had never been discussed previously. This topic completely caught you off guard, “To…to who?”

You could feel the pressure of the court officials around you, and you felt completely unprofessional at this moment. But you couldn’t care less. Your only concern was Jeongin, he doesn’t even know you’re the princess. Much less getting married.

“Close your mouth dear, it’s very unladylike.” You mother admonished lightly, “That is what we’re discussing right now. There are quite a few suitors who are very desirable. In terms of status, riches, and history. It would do well to consider them and listen.” She put emphasis on her last word. You looked down but lifted you chin a moment later.

“I see…” You say hesitantly, starting to regain your composure, “Who are the suitors.”

You look around the table, out of the aristocracy, only the duke and the marquess are attending this meeting. The rest are officials of the court, aka, the people who help with decision making.

“Many very suitable options are being considered. Our very own duke or even the marquess’ son. That is why they are in attendance at this meeting.” Your mother explained but didn’t seem fond of the idea of you marrying them. But continued with a lighter heart, “There are princes from other kingdoms who wish to have your hand in marriage right now. At the moment, though, our top option would be the prince from the neighboring kingdom. It is almost guaranteed that he will be your fiance. I’ve heard he’s a very charming young man and close to your-”

You stood from your chair suddenly as a thought dawned on you, you haven’t kept track of the time. You cut your mother off mid-sentence, “What time is it?”

“I was speaking, y/n, I am fully aware you can behave better than this. You haven’t acted like this since you were-” You cut your fuming mother off again.

“This is urgent. What time is it?” You stayed standing.

“The meeting started at 2pm, dear, you are completely out of order. Why are you acting like this today?” You mother was frazzled at your actions. But you promptly ignored her and began walking out. You were in that meeting for quite a while and you didn’t want to keep Jeongin waiting.

Before you completely left the room, you turned around towards the bewildered faces in the room and bowed apologetically, “I’m sorry about my behavior today, but I have very urgent business to attend to.” Then you left.

Once the door closed behind you, you ran for your room. You rushed and grabbed your peasants’ clothes quickly to get dressed. Wiping the nicely done makeup on your face, stripping your elegant gown, and undoing the nice bun in your hair. Exchanging all of those comforts for a simple but flowing dress, a messy braid in your hair, and a bare face. You shoved your boots on and rushed out of the castle without being seen as your routine called for. But this time you were the one who was late. You checked the time and it was already past 3pm. You frowned as you snuck into town and blended into the crowded streets, making your way towards the bakery as quickly as you could. Now you knew how Jeongin felt when he ran late.

Once the bakery was in view, it wasn’t long until you saw Jeongin as well. Standing patiently with two rolls of bread in his hand. That elated feeling you felt this morning came back to you. Only seeing him brought happiness to you. You raised your hand up high and waved, a big smile made its way onto your face once you saw him. He smiled wide as well, showing that toothy grin you fell in love with.

When you got to him you gave him a big hug, “Thanks for waiting.”

“Well duh, you wait for me like every other week.” He wrapped his arms around you before handing you the extra roll, “Why were you late anyway?”

“I got caught up in some family business is all.” You rolled your eyes and took a bite of the bread roll, it felt warm still so you couldn’t have made him wait too long.

He nodded as he shoved the roll in his mouth as if he hadn’t been fed in weeks, like usual. Wow, you missed him in just a week. You rolled your eyes at him but smiled fondly.

“Okay so, today I have plans for us.” Jeongin began once he swallowed his mouthful.

You perked up, “Ohhh really?”

“Yep, I want to take you on a journey. To the kingdom I live in, it’s a short trip I promise.” He urged with a very animated smile was present. The lights in his eyes showed just how proud he was of this idea. “I want to show you so much, it’s beautiful there.”

“The neighboring kingdom?” You asked, slipping your hand into his. A slight discomfort settled into the bottom of your stomach. You remembered what your mother had said before you left and caused a scene. One of your supposed suitors was the prince of that kingdom, the suitor who was the top choice to be your fiance. You really doubt you’d run into any royalty there, they typically don’t wander the town streets (except you). But it just didn’t give you a good feeling, and it must’ve shown on your face. Jeongin squeezed your hand in reassurance.

“Listen, I know it’s sudden, but if it’s okay then I’ll be able to bring you back by the end of the day. Unless you wanna stay the weekend, there’s too much there to see in one day.” He said, excitement still underlying in his tone.

You were hesitant, very hesitant. There were a lot of things that could go wrong and you can’t be gone from the castle for too long. So, you thought about it for a moment, and back to that meeting table and talk of marriage. Talk of marrying a man you didn’t even know. The people there treating you as if you were a jewel to be fought over. Not even considering how you felt, constantly telling you how to act. Even your own mother, her words echoed in your head, scolding you for your actions. Thinking of all of that, it started a fire within you. You grew resentful of their treatment, and so, even if for a weekend, you were going to escape it.

You nodded up at him, your signature mischievous grin appearing. The glint in your eyes matching your cheeky smile. “Yea! Let’s go, I’ve never been there before.”

Jeongin instantly lit up, his beautiful eyes crinkling and his smile wide. He bounced a bit in eagerness, he held onto your hand firmly as he pulled you through the streets. The bounce still in his step. His happiness was contagious even, causing you to bark out a laugh and run alongside him.

“I want to show you so much in so little time,” He said, still smiling, he looked a little nervous but elated at the same time. He cursed quietly, smile still wide, “I don’t know how I’ll show you everything.”

“Slow down.” You pulled him back gently and slowed down the pace, “Step by step Innie.”

He listened as he fell into step beside you and leaned forward as he took a glance at you, hands clasped behind his back. He had a teasing grin, “Innie…? That’s new.”

You hadn’t even realized you said it, a light pink dusted your cheeks, “Ah, is that bad? Too much?”

“No, I like it.” He said amused, then thought for a moment as his nose scrunched up, “Just don’t say it in front of people.”

“Aww, would you be embarrassed.” You teased, reaching to pinch his cheek. But he just swatted your hand away.

“Of course, so.” He held a finger to his lips in a hushing motion. You only nodded, holding back a laugh.

When the two of you reached the edge of the town and passed through the gate, you discovered he had a horse. It never occurred to you that he could’ve owned a horse since you knew they were expensive for peasants to own.

“Why are you so shocked?” Jeongin asked, looking over his shoulder at you while he attended to his steed, “How else would I get here.”

You shrugged, “I assumed you took a carriage or rode with somebody else. He’s a beautiful horse though.”

He smiled proudly, “Thanks, he’s been with me since I was little.”

He helped you onto his horse and climbed on afterward himself. Now, you’ve ridden horses plenty of times, it was required as a princess. But Jeongin doesn’t know that, so you let him take the lead as you wrap your arms around his waist. Pretending to be ignorant as he explained the safest way to ride like this. You guessed that since women don’t usually ride horses for sport or drive carriages, he felt the need to fill you in. You listened patiently.

At some point during the ride, you rested your head against his back. Your arms were latched around him tightly as you leaned into him. Maybe you would get into trouble for doing this. For running away with a boy to another kingdom, even if it was only for a weekend. Perhaps you’ll get some privileges taken away. You could get scolded by your father. Maybe they’ll even send out a search party. But right now, at this moment where it was only you and Jeongin, it would all be worth it. For him, you would do anything. Thoughts of eloping flitted across your mind, but you quickly shooed those away. You didn’t want to think too far into the future right now. You smiled, content, as your eyelids grew heavy and you slipped into a light slumber.

The next thing you knew Jeongin was waking you up, loudly. He shook you gently but shouted as he gestured ecstatically towards the kingdom in front of you. “Welcome! Come on.”

He helped you down from his horse as you rubbed the grogginess out of your eyes. You yawned and stretched your arms out, taking in the beautiful town in front of you. It seemed as if you were on the edge of town, but on top of a small ledge; you were sure Jeongin stopped here to give you a good look of the town from higher ground. And Jeongin wasn’t wrong, it really was beautiful. It seemed very lively and full of bright colors and you thought it suited Jeongin very well. The town was big, bustling, and thriving. You also noticed the castle in the distance, on the whole other end of town.

“What do you think?” He rested his hands on his hips and stood beside you, his steed tied up securely behind him.

“You don’t ever disappoint Innie, it’s gorgeous.” You smile as you take in the scene before you, you bounce on the balls of your feet. “So, what do you have to show me?”

“Oh, you have no idea,” He took your hand in his and guided you towards town, “I’ll show you my favorite places here and then by the end of the day we should arrive home. Okay?”

You nodded, your lips thinned nervously but followed obediently anyway. Sudden anxiety settled in the pit of your stomach as it truly dawned on you, you were going home with him. And you were going to meet his parents and family and see this whole new side of him. You were both excited and anxious. Thoughts flooded your head, all the things that could go wrong. Meanwhile, Jeongin didn’t seem nervous in the slightest, he leads you confidently with his chin up and shoulders back. And seeing him so unnerved gave you a little boost, so you copied his actions and lifted your chin and smiled. This is just another adventure, and you’re going to make the most of it. And ignore the little seed of nervousness in you.

So, for the rest of the day, Jeongin gave you a tour of about half of the giant town. Which was impressive considering he took you to about ten different places in the span of a few hours. And those were only his favorite places, there were still much more left for you to see; well, according to him. A few of the places he showed you was the beautifully done fountain in his towns square, the theatre where he admitted he actually had a hobby in singing (which surprised you), and a building he claims is the best bakery in town. Throughout the day the two of you made your way across town. You never spent too long at each place, and it really perplexed you as to why he was rushing so much. If you didn’t know him better you would’ve chalked it up to his excitement making him rush. But something else was up and you were going to find out.

Just as you were going to question him on his strange antics, he spun around to you and announced, “One more place to go today!”

You raised your eyebrows in amusement and tugged on his sleeve before he pulled you to the next destination, “Hey, Jeongin?”

He paused and tilted his head, “What’s up?”

“I know you’re super excited to give me the tour and everything, but is something else on your mind? You seem a bit too eager, more than usual.” You questioned, concern underlying your innocent question. It was almost as if he was overcompensating for some nervousness with the over-enthusiasm.

“Ah…” He hesitated, then gave you a reassuring smile, “I guess just meeting my family, they’re good people though. I promise it’ll all work out. Okay?”

You smiled and nodded, but it really sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than you. You could tell whatever was bothering him was starting to get to him. So, you gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and the two of you walked towards the next destination calmly. A much different pace than the rest of the day, so it gave you a breather and time to actually think. While Jeongin was nervous about you meeting his family, you were terrified as well. You were a princess and technically not allowed to even be acquaintances with Jeongin, much less be in a relationship. While he has yet to know this, you’d have to tell him someday. And you weren’t prepared for the guilt you’d feel from lying to him. It’s going to be hard lying to his family as well.

During your quiet walk lost in your thoughts, you didn’t realize Jeongin lead you to the castle. You stared up at the looming building, you weren’t surprised he would take you here. It was basically the most notable place in the entire kingdom, and since he lived in the capital, it was easy to be able to see it. It was very grand and had quite a few differences to your castle back home. At least from the outside, perhaps the interior would surprise you; but for now, just admiring the exterior with Jeongin was enough for you.

“The castle matches the town; it gives off a really…strong feel.” You smiled, although it was a bit strained. You searched for the right words to use, but it was a bit difficult considering your possible future fiancé lived in this very building. It honestly pained you to think about.

Jeongin nodded as he stared up at the castle, his Adam’s apple bobbing. His face looked oddly stern as if he was having a stare-off with the prominent building. You figured it was the family stuff getting to him.

“Hey, we should get going now, it’s starting to get dark out.” You tug on his hand as you glanced at the sun dipping into the horizon. The orange sky slowly growing dimmer as the darkness began to spread, it unsettled you a bit. Especially since Jeongin was being so quiet.

He nodded again and began leading the way. You fully expected him to lead you back to his home in town, but he didn’t. This boy was taking you around to the back of the castle, his hand clenched around yours tighter than usual.

“Where are we going?” You asked.

But he only flashed you a smile, probably meant to be reassuring but instead seemed strained. Well, that didn’t help you at all.

“Where are you going.” You insisted, pulling on his arm. But he kept walking to what seemed like the servant’s quarters of the castle, seeing as it was near the stables and probably kitchens.

“Just trust me okay? It’s a little hard to explain.” He finally answered you, “You won’t have to do anything, cause this might be a little overwhelming.”

That statement confused you immensely.

Was he a servant? Was he sneaking you in to show you around? Maybe he was a little ashamed of it. You stared at his back with a worried look as he came up to a wooden door.

“Are we allowed to do this?”

“Probably not.”

He proceeded to knock on the door, and it wasn’t the normal steady knocking either. He knocked in an irregular pattern as if to signal somebody like a secret code. You really thought he was breaking you into the goddamn king’s castle.

A moment later, and before you could comment, a lady opened the door. She was dressed in typical servants’ garb and seemed a bit older, a little motherly. She saw Jeongin and let out a relieved sigh, “Goodness, you come home a little later every week. Sometimes I wonder if you’ll ever come back one day.”

Jeongin gave the lady a shy smile, but he seemed to calm down around her, even if just a little. His shoulders relaxed and were just less tense overall. You guessed it couldn’t have been his mother, considering he was so nervous thinking about his family before. He held up his hands as if in surrender, “I know, I shouldn’t worry you. But I have a good reason this time.”

“It better be a damn good reason.”

You saw his shoulders rise and fall a little as he took a deep breath, then stepped to the side. He smiled cheekily at the lady as he spread his arms to gesture towards you, with jazz hands and all. “Ta-da!”

You could only lift your hand in an awkward wave, “Hello.”

The woman’s eyes just about popped out of her head, she gave him a look that could kill, “This isn’t a good idea. If this girl is the little girlfriend you found then this isn’t a good idea.”

Jeongin only shrugged, his cheeky grin still wide, “You can’t stop me.”

Jeongin took your hand again and pulled you through the shabby little entrance to the castle. At this point, you were seriously questioning his intentions and what he was even doing. He wouldn’t even explain why you were going inside the castle, much less sneaking in through the servant’s quarters. And the servant lady’s reaction was not good in the slightest. You were close to blowing and demanding to know what was going on. But before you could, Jeongin began talking again, just not to you.

“Mrs. Abbe” He looked at the servant lady, and gave her a pleading look, “Would you help me out, please?”

“Well I don’t really have a choice, now do I” She sighed, looking tired as she gave in to his puppy dog look. “Always a pleasure, your highness.”

You perked up at that phrase, ‘your highness’, it sounded sarcastic. But this whole day has been wild and you couldn’t tell anymore. The phrase only served to confuse you more. You looked at Jeongin for an explanation, eyebrows furrowed. Even he looked a little fidgety as he shuffled from foot to foot as he stared at you like he was gauging a reaction from you.

“Your highness?” You put a hand on your hip.

“Yes.”

“Was she being serious?”

“Yes.” He shifted his weight again.

“Why?”

“I’m the uh, I’m the prince.”

Barking out a laugh you rested a hand on his arm, “Yea, and I’m the princess!”

“Okay but I’m serious” He insisted, looking a little offended you didn’t believe him. And well, how could you? It sounded ridiculous. And you admit, even you sounded a little mocking saying you were the princess all of a sudden. But you knew for a fact, that you were truly the princess. But Jeongin? You could only believe he was trying to pull a lame joke.

“Yea, I am too.” You urged back, a serious look on your face.

“Ugh…” Jeongin looked a little distressed as he looked to the servant for help, Mrs. Abbe. “Okay, we don’t have time for this. Please, Mrs. Abbe, go take her to get dressed. And I’ll meet you in the dining hall. Okay?”

And with that, Jeongin began to leave in a rush. But before he left the room completely, he turned around to you, a worried look across his features. “Y/n, I promise everything will be okay. I know you’re really confused and maybe even a little scared right now. But seriously, you don’t have to worry.”

And with that, he was gone. Leaving you with Mrs. Abbe, who gave you an apologetic look.

“He’s been like this since he was little, dear.” She said, a little reminiscent.

“I’m just at a loss for words ma’am. A total loss for words.” You tell her frankly and throw your hands in the air, exasperated. It was a good day until you arrived at the castle, and he began acting all weird and cryptic. Then he sneaks you into the castle without explaining a single thing, leaving you with a servant you’ve never met. And he expects you to be okay?

You loved him so much, but the confused state he left you in only irritated you.

She gave you a knowing smile and rested a comforting hand on your back, in a reassuring voice she urged, “Come, let’s get you all prettied up. You’re a beautiful young lady.”

∎∎∎

You were sulky.

It’s been an hour or two since you’ve seen Jeongin and you’ve got absolutely no explaining from Mrs. Abbe. She just said it wasn’t her place to tell you while she dressed you up. But you really couldn’t be mad at the woman, she was essentially just doing her job. And wow, she had an eye for gowns. So yea, you couldn’t be mad at her.

She fitted you into a very simple yet elegant white gown, it was a perfect evening gown in your opinion. The sleeves were the right length, the skirt wasn’t too bulky, and it had just the right amount of decora. She even did your hair and make-up, which you were very satisfied with as well. Since she weaved your hair into a classic bun and applied your make-up lightly. Overall, you think she did a more suitable job than your maid back home. While yours was very good with make-up and everything, she tended to be heavy-handed, which meant a lot of make-up every day. Even her fashion choices were more extravagant than needed.

After thanking her graciously, she leads you through the castle walls to what you assumed would be the dining room. Where Jeongins supposed to meet you, apparently. You didn’t know anymore and quite frankly, you were just ready to squeeze an explanation out of him.

You were very reluctant to believe his whole prince gimmick. It was Jeongin for goodness sakes, the same kid who shoved whole rolls of bread into his gob; it was hard to believe he was a prince. Your Jeongin who you met fighting your local baker. Was he really a prince?

You arrived at the dining hall and it seemed you were the first one there, the table was all set with only four plates and sets of silverware set out. Servants and maids were standing by the walls of the room, ready to be called when needed; just like your home. There was space for you, Jeongin, and his…parents. There was an uneasiness that overcame you as Mrs. Abbe lead you to your seat, the fourth seat two down from the head of the table.

“Wait wait wait…this isn’t a joke, he wasn’t just messing around? He’s serious?” You got Mrs. Abbe’s attention, your lips felt dry all of a sudden as her lips thinned in a smile. She rested her hand on yours for a moment of comfort before leaving the dining halls quickly. You drew in a deep breath and sighed. You sat properly now, ankles cross with your hands in your lap; it was almost instinct at this point being in a castle.

You held your head down as you thought, so if Jeongin really was the prince and this wasn’t some elaborate prank, then you were going to meet his parents. Aka the king and queen.  

And if he really was the prince…then he was one of your suitors. You gasped and covered your gaping mouth with your hand. So Jeongin, the prince of the neighboring kingdom…was the suitor from the neighboring kingdom. It was too good to be true, this had to be a dream, right?

You gulped as you looked around the room, the servants kept their eyes and heads focused straight ahead, as per usual. Nothing seemed too out of the ordinary, it felt too real to be a dream.

There was no way he could’ve known you were the princess, he looked exasperated when you said that you were a princess. He obviously didn’t believe you. So, what was he doing bringing his ‘peasant’ girlfriend to the king and queen? If he were to be engaged to a princess, there was no way his parents would allow him to be with a mere peasant. It’s just how royalty works, sadly. But he truly believed there could be a chance, seeing as he’s trying so hard for this.

You came to the conclusion that both you and Jeongin were mad. A crazy little pair, you could say.

You figured it all out without even an explanation from the boy, although, it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out.

You heard the large white doors in the entrance open up, causing your head to perk up. You saw Jeongin walking up to you, a very nervous look on his face as the doors shut behind him. He looked at you, his lips thinned nervously as if he was expecting the worst reaction out of you.

But you were more focused on just how well he cleaned up. Being that he was the prince, he must’ve been used to the royal outfits. But you never saw him in anything better than a brown tunic and boots. So the royal blue suit with gold accents was a big shock for you. He also styled his hair a certain look better than the usual messy look. It gave him a much more mature aura, and like he wasn’t always that boy exploring the streets with you. You would be lying if you said you hadn’t blushed a little from his new look.

He came up to you quickly, taking the seat beside you and turning towards you so that his knees were facing you. He held his hands up as if to calm you down.

“Okay, y/n, I can explain I promise. I’ll explain everything now.” He said, his tone very rushed and articulated. He was acting as if you were a bomb about to burst. And honestly, if you hadn’t figured this whole situation out yourself, you would have been a very mad bomb of a girl.

You give him a blank stare for a moment before bursting out into laughter. You found it endearing he was so worried over you, but also the fact at how weird this situation was. He looked confused.

“Jeongin…” you take his hands in yours and give him a patient look, “I’m not mad.”

You see the poor boy visibly relax, but you speak before he can say something.

“I understand everything okay? I am here to meet your family, who are the king and queen. And you are the prince who fell in love with a peasant girl, who’s just trying to get their blessing. Right?” You say calmly, he probably thought it was too good to be true.

He nods frantically, very visibly relieved, “Yes, yes, that’s exactly it. Y/n you’re taking this really well. I’m actually really proud of you with how calm you are… oh, and you look beautiful by the way.” He smiled at you, a smile that reaches his eyes and stretches his cheeks. He really looks at you like you were a gem.

You laugh bashfully at his comment, and you realize he’s never seen you in any nice clothes either. It must’ve been shocking for him too.

“Thanks, baby, you look really nice.” You tuck a strand of hair behind his ear, “you clean up nicely”

“I think you’re always beautiful,” he said as if it were the most natural thing to say, he kept those big puppy dog eyes trained on you like you were the love of his life. Oh wait, that’s ‘cause you were.

“Oh, Innie. I gotta tell you.” You say urgently, knowing full well he won’t believe you but you say it anyway to see his reaction, “I’m a princess.”

“Come on, you said that joke earlier. I know it sounded ridiculous when I told you I was the prince but don’t make fun of me like that.” He pouted playfully.

“But I really am the princess”

“Well, I mean, not yet.”

“Not yet? You wanna get married?” You say, pleasantly surprised. Not expecting him to say something so serious like that. Of course, you knew of the arranged marriage, but he didn’t. This was him genuinely speaking.

Your little comment seemed to turn him bashful. His eyes widened as he realized what he implied and his cheeks reddened significantly. He moved one hand up to hide his face, his eyes peeking out from behind his fingers.

“I uh, well, I mean… future- uh…” he stammered.

“I’m just teasing” you giggled.

The two of you stayed like that, just the usual banter. It was as if nothing had changed and it was only the two of you in the room. The royalty and grand decor and comfy lifestyle didn’t change a thing about your relationship. You were you and Jeongin was Jeongin. Very glad you could still act normally around each other.

It was a few moments later when you and Jeongin were interrupted. The both of you were having a good hearty laugh when two figures waltzed into the room. And you could tell very easily they were the king and queen. They had the poise and attitude most royalties had, not to mention the attire. The comforting atmosphere quickly died the moment the door clicked open. It was suddenly very cold and tense. You and Jeongin went silent and sat up straight in your chairs. You saw Jeongin’s Adam’s apple bob, an unpleasant look on his face.

The king and queen quickly took notice of the extra guest they had sitting at their table. They say down respectfully and gave you an odd look.

“Jeongin, we were supposed to discuss some private matters with you. That’s why we requested to have dinner alone.” The queen, his mother, side-eyed you for a split second before resting her gaze on her son.

“Yes, we can discuss it now mother.” He nodded firmly.

The looks of confusion on their faces were apparent. But they both turned towards you and the king said respectfully, “Well, introduce us to your acquaintance here.”

“I, yes, of course. This is y/n.” He said, and you stood up and curtsied. But he didn’t stop there and very nervously continued, “She is my girlfriend, and I wanted to introduce her to you and get your blessings. I wish to stay with her.”

His parents looked conflicted, his father a bit angry and his mother more confused. His father spoke up, “Jeongin just earlier this week he discussed your possible engagement. This is very unexpected and improper of you, you know better. How long has this been going on without our knowledge?”

“Your father is right dear; you have a very good chance with the princess from the neighboring kingdom. If only you would take the chance to meet with her before doing such rash actions like this. Is this why you were so opposed to getting married?” His mother berated him. But she also confirmed your suspicions that Jeongin was indeed one of your suitors. It was odd to listen to them without their knowledge that you, the princess, was there in the room.

“Yes, but I believe you would really like y/n. She’s a very good girl and is so much more than she can initially seem. And I really really like her, if you would just give her a chance then-”

“What family is she from.” His father demanded.

Jeongin was stopped in his tracks and suddenly grew silent, his mouth closing and his shoulders sank a little.

“What family is she from, what is her status?” He repeated sternly.

But Jeongin couldn’t find the words to respond. His face dropped and he looked at you as if asking for help.

“I am from the neighboring kingdom” You spoke up, “…your highness.“ You added as an afterthought, not used to saying the phrase so often said to you.

“Is she a peasant, Jeongin”

No response from him. His jaw was set and he refused to respond.

“Jeongin do you expect us to allow you to wed a peasant girl over a princess? This alliance we obtain from your marriage to this princess is very beneficial to your kingdom and your people. You can’t be selfish like this.” He scolded once more. And while Jeongin was silent and unable to come up with the right words, his back stood straight and he held a stern face. And you did the same, you were calm and poised and proper. You weren’t intimidated much at all, just thinking of how to tell them that you were actually the princess. The whole situation was pure coincidence and even you couldn’t comprehend how you became so lucky.

“Jeongin if you have nothing to say I’m afraid we’ll have to ask your friend to leave.” His mother began, “I’m very sorry about this but you are aware of your duties and what you have to do. I’ve heard she has an… eccentric personality much like you. So, I highly recommend you consider your position. You must realize how foolish you’re being, bringing a mere peasant to have our blessing?” His mother questioned, purely astonished at her son’s actions.

“Your highness, if I may speak.” You spoke up politely. It would be hard to explain yourself without sounding absolutely mad, but you had to do it somehow.

“And what would you have to say? Did you put this ridiculous idea in his head?” His father accused. But you remained calm.

“No, Jeongin actually brought me here as a surprise. I didn’t realize I would be meeting the king and queen, he never even told me he was the prince until we entered the castle. I wasn’t aware of the weight of our situation. He had only been another peasant to me when I met him, and he met me at a bakery in my kingdom.” You explained as best you could, holding Jeongin’s hand comfortingly.

Jeongin leaned towards your ear, unsure of what you were saying. He whispered curiously, “Your kingdom…?”

You nodded at him, “It’s pure coincidence and luck, but unbeknownst to us, we have both been sneaking about disguised as peasants. And then we met each other and fell in love. I believe I am princess y/n who is to be considering your son’s hand in marriage. I was completely unaware Jeongin was royalty, and Jeongin was unaware that I was as well.”

The look on all of their faces was a mix of bafflement and disbelief. Jeongin especially looked at you like you were crazy.

“You know fraud and impersonation is a serious crime in this kingdom right?” His father said, staring at you intensely.

“Good thing I’m not a criminal.” You cracked a smile.

It took some time but you were finally able to convince them you were telling the truth. But it took a long time. There had to be a lot of record checking, consulting, and interrogating. But eventually, they confirmed you to be the princess. After it was all said and done the king and queen apologized for their anger towards you and you apologized for the confusion. Then they had a messenger send a letter to your kingdom to let them know that you are well and safe in their castle. It seems everyone was relieved.

The next morning you were in the royal gardens with Jeongin. You both sat in the grass taking in the sun, you were sat between his legs as he had his arms wrapped around you. He showed you a private little area where there were walls of rose bushes surrounding it so the both of you could have some space.

The two of you relaxed in silence for a while until he spoke up, “Our story sounds like a fairytale.”

“You’re right,” You mused, then began to wave them around as you did a dramatic retelling of your story, “a prince and princess from neighboring kingdoms disguise themselves as peasants. They meet each other and fall in love only to discover they’re to be married. It’s too perfect.”

He chuckled, “How did I become so lucky?”

“I ask myself the same thing Innie,” You rest your head on his chest, “By the way, why did you always sneak out?”

He shrugged and made a face, “The royal lifestyle just gets suffocating sometimes. Why did you?”

“Same here!” You sit up, “Maybe we were just made for each other.”

“That’s because we were.” He chuckles, then his eyes get a shine to them, catching the sun’s light just the right way. He shoots you a roguish smile, “How bout we sneak out to the town right now?”

You mirror his smile and nod eagerly, “That’s the best idea you’ve had all week. Let’s go.”

a/n: so this took longer than it should have tbh, it could’ve been posted last week but imma busy girl so i got an excuse

i worked hard on this and its sooo long, it was only supposed to be like 4k words but now its 9k oops

[swimmingnewsie]

Little

...I wanted to do a canon-ish take on the Big/Little Ice Bros verse. Please love me.

Link to AO3

---

"Good morning, Gale!"

Anna smiled as Gale twirled into her bedroom window. The sun was finally rising, slowly waking from the long winter's night. Despite her distaste for it, early mornings were a part of life now. But her morning letters from Elsa made it all the more worth it.

"What have you got for me today?" She put her brush on the vanity and reached out for the note. A chill ran down her spine as Gale fluttered feverishly around her. "Elsa isn't feeling worse is she?"

Her sister had wrote the previous morning she felt like she was getting a cold. And though she had assured Anna it was nothing to worry about, Gale was giving her reason to think otherwise now. Quickly, she opened the note, reading a message that wasn't her sister's handwriting.

It wasn't even her sister's language.

Northuldran characters were scattered all over a piece of parchment. They had been doing their best to learn the language of their mother's people, but progress was slow. She could only pick out her name and Elsa's name. Her heart sped up, confused by everything that was happening. She needed to get to her sister.

"Will you take me to her?" she asked quickly, scribing her own note for Kristoff.

Gale responded by lifting Anna into the air, taking them off into the abyss. They took Anna for a ride as fast as they could manage, but Anna, filled to the brim with worries, couldn't help but feel like they were wasting time. However, soon enough the Northuldran camp came into view with people hustling and bustling far more than was normal.

"Anna!"

A familiar voice called out to her. It was Honeymaren, the woman who was so kind to take Elsa in and help her adjust to life in the forest. Hopefully she would have some clue what was going on.

"Honeymaren," Anna breathed. "What is happening? I got a note in Northuldran andI can't read it and I'm worried and where is my sister?"

Honeymaren sighed, taking Anna's hand. "It's easier to show you than tell you." Anna nodded, allowing herself to be dragged out to the clearing.

Near the reindeer clearing, Anna saw Ryder holding a small bundle in his arms. She eyed him wearily, her head tilted when he raised a finger over his mouth. A small tuft of white hair was visible. Was that-

“She went to bed early last night without much of a fight. I thought it was just her cold getting worse, but when I woke up this morning, she wasn’t in her hut or mine or Yelena’s. I couldn’t find her anywhere. But Ryder was already out working in the field, and she must have found him and thought he was safe because she hasn’t let go since,” Honeymaren expressed, trying to get the words out as fast as she could. It was clear to Anna that she was just as worried.

Sure enough, a smaller, younger Elsa was fast asleep in Ryder’s arms. In all of her worries, Anna couldn’t help but think that her sister was adorable in the garb. She had been dressed in tiny Northuldran furs and wrapped up in a scarf that Elsa had taken so much pride in making. She looked happy in her sleeping state.

“Thank you for writing me,” Anna said, squeezing Honeymaren’s had before going over to sit next to Ryder. “And thank you for taking care of her,” she whispered to Ryder, brushing back a few stray hairs from her sister.

“Anytime,” Ryder said, gently shifting the child. “But I don’t know what to do now. We knew you needed to know, but where do we go from here? We have no idea what happened, not to mention she’s probably not feeling well still.”

Anna pensively touched her sister’s forehead. Whatever had caused this certainly hadn’t eliminated her sickness, for she was still very warm. “We should take her to the trolls. If it’s something to do with her magic, they may know something that will help. It’s about a half day’s journey by wagon, but it’s the only thing I know to do.”

Honeymaren placed a hand on her shoulder. “We’ll go with you. You shouldn’t have to make this journey alone.”

Anna nodded. There was no reason to deny their help. She knew how much they cared for her sister. “Can I- can I hold her?” she asked softly.

Ryder shifted Elsa, resting her so she could lie against her sister. “She’s worn out. We fed the reindeer together and before we could even finish getting her clothed, she was knocked out, poor kid.”

She held her sister close cherishing this very odd moment. Elsa looked maybe seven or eight- at least that was her best guess. With how young Anna had been at the time of separation, she was never sure what Elsa looked like then and what was her imagination of her sister. She was peaceful in sleep, despite the slight wheeze in her chest. A hot bath and oils would do them both wonders, she figured.

Suddenly she felt her sister jerk, harsh coughs rattling through her lungs. Anna rubbed circles into her back, trying to help settle her again. “It’s okay, Elsa. It’s okay.”

Elsa looked at her with wide terrified eyes. Her breathing quickened, only making the cough worse. She tried to wiggle her way out of Anna’s arms. “Who- who are you?”

It broke Anna’s heart to hear the fear in Elsa’s eyes. “I’m Anna,” she said, desperate not to scare her further.

“No! No! Please let me go! I don’t want to hurt you! Not again!” Tears fell from her eyes, desperate to escape Anna’s grasp.

Anna shook her head and did her best to hold onto the young girl. She obviously remembered the accident. “You’re not going to hurt me, Elsie. Your powers won’t hurt me. I promise.”

Elsa gulped. “You know I have powers?” she asked softly.

“I’m your sister. Of course I do.”

Anna wasn’t sure if there was any right way to go about this, but her sister breaking into more tears told her that she might not have chosen the best way. “You’re! You’re supposed to be little. Why- why are you so big?”

Anna laughed, trying to lighten the mood. “You know it isn’t proper to comment on a lady’s weight, princess,” she teased.

The little girl look sad and ashamed. “I’m sorry,” she said, tears welling in her eyes and coughs escaping her chest.

“Hey, hey,” she soothed, continuing to rub her back. “It was just a joke, sweetheart. I’m not upset. I promise.” Anna made a mental note to be more cautious with her language. Elsa was anxious as an adult; it only made sense that she would be sensitive and anxious about others’ feelings.

Elsa nodded cautiously, burying her head into Anna’s shoulder. Maybe some part of her remembered, remembered that she was safe and loved in Anna’s arms.

Ryder moved, crouching in front of Elsa. “She’s the real deal, kid,” he said with a smile. “Do you think if I got you some tea from Elder you would be able to drink it? It’ll help that sore chest of yours.”

Elsa nodded shyly before shutting her eyes. Anna rocked her gently, hoping she was giving the young girl some relief. She knew today would be far more busy than she anticipated, and if she could give her sister even the slightest comfort she would. “I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.”

The small squeeze of Anna’s hand was the only reply she needed.

---

The trip in the wagon was a never ending blur of colors and figures and shapes. Elsa found it hard to pay attention to anything in particular with so many moving parts.

A shiver ran down her spine, reminding her just how bad she felt on top of her confusion. This all had to be a bad dream. It was her punishment for hurting Anna: lost in the far away land that her papa had told them about before they were supposed to be asleep. She didn’t mean to; it was an accident.

But at least in her dream, Anna was safe. And Anna was older, oddly enough. She let herself be comforted by this older Anna, the way she failed her real Anna. If she could dream like this every night, maybe it would make being seperated okay. She clutched tightly onto this older Anna’s cloak, desperate to commit this to her memory.

“Elsa, we’re here, sweetheart,” Older Anna said, picking her up. Part of her wanted to tell her sister she was big enough to walk, but if this was all just a dream then it wouldn’t matter. The trolls from the night before were there. There was no way this wasn’t a dream.

Pabbie had put his hand to her head the way he had Anna’s last night, as if he were inspecting her magic. She couldn’t make out his words, her head fuzzy and aching. She wasn’t ready for this dream to end, but maybe it would get rid of the wrong-ness of her body. She only made out phrases like “rebirth” and “natural course of magic”, but it didn’t matter much to her. Dreams were silly things.

Soon enough Older Anna and the nice reindeer man and his sister were carrying her back and her home was in view. Maybe if she shut her eyes, it would all go back to normal. Yeah that sounded like a nice plan.

---

Anna took great care to conceal her sister as the wagon approached Arendelle. There would be a diplomatic way to handle this situation, she was sure. Or at least she pretended to be. Her sister’s magic turning her into a child again in order to develop properly wasn’t exactly in her training as a princess and queen.

Thankfully the cold that had served as the catalyst for all this seemed to exhaust her big sister. Or little sister now, she supposed. That would take some getting used to. Elsa slept for most of the journey home- aided by what magic Pabbie could offer them. He may not have been able to bring her to her former age, but he could help her sleep off the illness.

Explaining all this to Kristoff had been another story. He had obviously fretted when he awoke to her note, but worried even more seeing the young girl asleep in her arms.

“So there’s no going back? No magically aging her back to how she was before?”

Anna pinched the bridge of her nose. Getting Elsa into the castle was easy enough with all the hidden entrances and corridors, but that was the least of their worries now. She shook her head, pulling the last of her covers over her sister.

“Pabbie said it had something to do with the spirit inside her. That her magic had been held back for so long, that it somehow reverted her to the moment it stopped growing right. Apparently it has happened to many that the spirit embodies.”

A tear slipped from Anna’s eye. She had been very good about hiding these hard feelings, not when Elsa was so scared. But Elsa was asleep and it was okay to let go.

“I don’t want to mess this up,” she said softly. “She gets another chance, and I can’t mess this up.”

Kristoff had his arms wrapped around her, holding tight. “You’re not going to mess this up. She doesn’t have to conceal this. Even if we make for rough parents, it’s going to be different.”

“We?” Anna sniffled wetly.

Kristoff smiled, kissing her on the head. “We. We’re getting married aren’t we?” She nodded slowly, heading bobbing under his chin. “That means we do this together.”

“Together,” she sighed.

Anna turned around to give him a kiss herself. No matter what, they were going to do this. They had a second chance, and they were going to get it right this time. They would give Elsa the childhood she was robbed of. They owed her that much.

[kittywildegrrl]

MamaCat Has Been Sick of This Conspiracy Theory Crap Since Before This One Existed

Yea, though I stagger through the final bloody chaotic days of the Trump “presidency,” I shall fear no evil, for the Constitution is with me. Kamala and Joe, they comfort me.

On the real though: scared shitless of the evil.

Rightfully so, for here is the welcome some of our fellow Americans have for the incoming Administration. Almost makes ‘em seem... un-American. May these creeps fail mightily and may Inauguration Day be free of violence.

“‘He has an obligation to them’: Attorney for ‘QAnon shaman’ asks Trump to pardon rioters,” says Politico. “He felt like his voice was, for the first time, being heard,” Watkins said. “And what ended up happening, over the course of the lead-up to the election, over the course of the period from the election to Jan. 6 — it was a driving force by a man he hung his hat on, he hitched his wagon to. He loved Trump. Every word, he listens to him.”

Ugh. There it is. The continental divide between objective reality and Trumpism reality. “Every word, he listens to him.” I saw a classic strongman dictatorship rising, somebody else saw Jesus. I saw my least favorite showman in my lifetime doing his best P. T. Barnum a la Mussolini, somebody else saw the only plausible leader for troubled times.

Perhaps as many as a few thousand of those somebodies attacked our Capitol, and I am not over it. Some more of those somebodies, who knows the actual number, are contributing to online chatter about setting loose further chaos in the next five days.

It’s literally insane, and a lot of it is attributed to the Q conspiracy phenomenon. Two crazy ladies who buy into it have been sent to Washington, D.C., as elected representatives (rollcall.com).

A week after the attempted coup, as the wheels of a second impeachment were grinding over his legacy, the Dear Leader of those who used to watch “The Apprentice” delivered a disingenuous, if carefully-worded, video. In it he denounced the violence. He also employed the No True Scotsman argument, perhaps my favorite of the logical fallacies.

I didn’t buy it, but it wasn’t for me. No, it was for his base, and for his attorneys. Whether he made the attorneys happy is not for me to say. Allegedly Rudy Giuliani is his attorney, and allegedly Rudy’s not getting paid.

No, it’s the latest iteration of Q nonsense on my mind this snowy morning. That video? I saw a beaten man, a would-be Caesar, out of options, doing as he was told for once. Somebody else saw a Q message. Go on over to secondnexus.com and check it out, I’ll wait. You’ll enjoy the screenshotted tweets.

Adding to MamaCat’s recent attack of nostalgia, one learned recently that a former lover, a very bad boyfriend from days of yore, had passed on. Big, strong, handsome, witty, fantastic in bed, cruelly abusive, and possessed of sketchy background, he was champion and nemesis to me in those bizarre days of the mid-90s, when (among other things) I experienced a noticeably short second marriage and met some conspiracy theorists. May he rest in peace. I, for one, am actually relieved. Talk about smart women making foolish choices. I got a million of ‘em.  But the mind will cast its glance backwards at such moments.

Wait till you’re old and crochety, kids, your stories may be wacky and bizarre one day too!

So there was this couple, both my late problematic boyfriend and my second husband knew them, so in the course of things I came to know them too. They seemed like a pretty cool couple, we had interests and friends in common. Then one evening at their house, they began to explain, very carefully and for my own good, about Area 51, Ancient Astronauts, and why the income tax is illegal. Why I should read Ayn Rand, become a Sovereign Citizen, and stock up on guns & ammo.

I was insecure enough in the first place, so at the time, it seemed like the polite way to avoid confrontation was just to listen and not argue too much. I was at their place, without my own car, thinking maybe this won’t go on all night, how can I change the subject to Star Trek… but when we got to the taxes portion of the presentation, I just couldn’t stop myself.

“What about the roads and bridges?”

There was a lot of incoherent babbling about per-use fees and private property and so forth. And as I sat listening, politely, hoping my ride was about ready to go, I was thinking, “They don’t understand how any of this works. They’re grown-ass adults, regurgitating faulty reasoning, telling me mad re-interpretations of what the 1st and 2nd Amendments mean, and they really don’t know how little they know. It’s like an alternate reality. I want to go home.”

(Think about it. The Internet barely existed yet. This was mainly spread face to face and via phone trees at the time.)

That friendship didn’t blossom much after that. Nice enough folks on the face of it, but the crazy talk kept returning to the word, “militia,” and I was not a fan. At that time in my life, I was actually a pretty decent shot, with a number of different firearms (not an owner, though). I let go of this friendship, and not long after, I let go of guns. What I couldn’t let go of was the nagging sense that if this sort of conspiratorial thinking were to get out of hand, become somehow mainstreamed, the only logical outcome would be eventual violence. You can’t combine hatred for the notion of government itself, with fantasies about actual extraterrestrials, with disdain for taxpayer-provided goods and services, with guns and ammo and militia identity, without eventual violence.

And for just a moment, late last night, it felt like the intervening 20 -25 years had never happened. In my actor’s imagination, I could see it like a film cut, from the sepia tones of that living room in New Mexico so long ago, to the craziest damned January in American memory. Nonexistent voter fraud, Q, rightwing hate media; these lie along a straight line from that Sovereign Citizen baloney my friends served for dinner that night. A straight, incredibly white, line.

I really, really hope that the Biden administration comes on like gangbusters in the first hundred days. I hope people’s lives improve drastically, quickly, especially for people who think we voted in Stalinism or something. I really hope we can raise the standard of living across the board (below, say, $250k/annum, you $250k+ guys are actually fine up there). I really, really hope we can address the pandemic. I don’t see any way to controvert the conspiracy-based thinking, unless we just take this opportunity to actually govern for a change, and lift everybody up.

[spookyboywhump]

ahhhhh your things about how Silas carries bandages in his pockets made me think of like, Silas finding a lost child (possibly hurt/crying) when he's taking a walk at night and he helps them and they realize he's a vampire afterwords and all the ways that could go

Okay I absolutely adored this image and just HAD to write it omg

 For once, things don’t go as poorly for him as they could

***

 It was late at night, the air was cool the moon was full, and there was a child, crying, in the forest.

 Silas thought a walk would be good for him, he still wasn’t leaving the house very much but he thought the woods surrounding the village in the dead of night would be a safe bet, absolutely no chance of running into another person there. But there was another person, a crying little girl, and the smell of blood in the air was strong. 

 He was hesitant to approach her, he knew she was one of the many children who lived in the village but he typically avoided children and was likely a complete stranger to her, and he hoped she knew better than to trust a stranger. She was crying and bleeding though and he didn’t have it in him to ignore a hurt child. Her blonde hair was a mess around her face and her dress was dirty, and he noticed she clutched a stick tightly in one hand. He wondered what she was doing out here at all. 

 He was cautious as he walked up to her, but as soon as he got close she seemed to jump, immediately backing away. He could see a cut down her leg, blood dripping onto the ground. He hoped that it just looked worse than it actually was, just a matter of cleaning the blood away only to find a scrape. 

 “Hey, it’s okay, I’m going to help you…” He said slowly, trying to calm her down, but it didn’t seem to be working. 

 “Mama… mama says… not to… talk to strangers…” She whimpered in between her gasping sobs, and he was quickly realizing the only thing he liked less than interacting with children was seeing a little kid hurt.

 “Good, that’s good, you shouldn’t but…” He knelt down next to her, looking at her leg, “You’re hurt, and you shouldn’t be out here at all, so this stranger is going to help you, okay?” He didn’t know how to comfort somebody at the best of times, much less a little kid, but he was going to try his best because he couldn’t stand to see her cry much longer.

 “Oh… okay…” She wiped her eyes on her sleeve but her lower lip was still trembling, like she was trying and failing to keep from crying more. 

 “What’s your name?” He asked her, searching through his pockets to find the small roll of bandages he always kept on him. They served more use before he was turned, he was constantly getting scratched up but that wasn’t much of a problem now. At least they were useful again, even if the situation was odd. 

 “Clara…” She murmured, pulling away when he got any closer though.

 “Okay, Clara… I need to see your leg, please? I won’t hurt you, I promise.” He said gently, and she hesitated before letting him get a better look at her leg, wincing as he carefully wiped away the blood with his shirtsleeve. It wasn’t ideal but it was all he had at the time, and he was relieved to see the cut really wasn’t serious. It could still stand to be properly cleaned and seen to, but it wasn’t anything life threatening. 

 “What’s your name mister…?” She asked as he carefully tended to her leg. The blood had probably scared her more than anything, she seemed to be slowly calming down as he worked.

 “Silas… and you don’t need to call me mister.” It sounded weird to him, he was only twenty one and hardly ever felt like an adult at all.

 “Mama says I have to use my manners.” She said with a nod. 

 “What would your mama say if she knew you were out here right now?” He asked, looking up to see the little girl bright red and looking away from him. 

 “ ‘M not supposed to be…” She mumbled. She seemed to think about it for a moment before looking back to him. “Don’t tell my mama, please?”

 “I don’t know… you really shouldn’t be out here alone, especially this late at night, it’s dangerous. Think you can promise you won’t do it again?” He asked, and she nodded quickly. 

 “I promise! I won’t do it again, ever!” She insisted. 

 “Then maybe I won’t tell your mama.” As much as he didn’t want to upset the little girl, he also didn’t want to lie to her because keeping something like this from her mother just seemed wrong. She pouted at his response, but let him bandage up her leg now that he knew it was mostly okay. “What were you doing out here anyway, Clara? And how did you get hurt?” He asked.

 “Hunting for fireflies.” She pointed across the clearing, towards one of the tall trees. “My jar is over there, but I didn’t catch any…” She frowned. “I heard something scary though and when I ran something cut my leg…” She held up the stick she clutched tightly to him. “That’s why I have this.”

 “A stick?” 

 “Mmhm! My brother has a knife, but mama says a lady shouldn’t carry a knife, so I found this! It’s very pointy.” She said with a nod. He briefly wondered how Dahlia would feel hearing someone say a lady shouldn’t have a knife. 

 “Okay, well… be careful with that.” He got up, carefully helping her up as well. “Do you think you can walk?” He asked her. He let go of her long enough to let her take a step, but easily caught her when she almost fell, lifting her up. “I’ll just carry you back.”

 “Can I get my jar back?” She asked, pointing it out again and he went over, picking up the small glass jar and handing it to her. “I really wanted to catch some fireflies…” She sighed, looking into the empty jar. 

 “I’m sure you’ll catch some another night. Just, don’t go out here, or alone, okay?” He said, carrying her out of the clearing and back towards the village.

 “Why were you out here mister Silas?” She looked up at him. “You said it’s dangerous, right?”

 “It is, to little kids anyway. But I’m a grown up so nothing out here is all that dangerous to me.” He decided to substitute “vampire” with “grown up”, he got her calmed down and bandaged up, he didn’t need to scare her now. 

 “Oh…” She went quiet as she leaned against him, looking up at him as he carried her. He knew his way through the woods pretty well by now, it didn’t take long for him to get them out of there. He felt somewhat better now, it was a bit of a walk back into town but at least he could drop her off, make sure she was safe. She had been quiet for a long time, he finally glanced down at her to see if she was okay and she was watching him, blue eyes wide as she stared at him.

 “What’s wrong?” He asked, frowning as he glanced away from her.

 “Are you a vampire mister Silas?” She asked, and he tried not to scowl at the question. “You have sharp teeth, and red eyes, and miss Dahlia once told me that’s what vampires look like!” He hadn’t realized she probably hadn’t gotten a good look at him till now, too dark in the forest for her to make out much of his face. He wished it was still that dark now. 

 “You know miss Dahlia?” He asked, trying to change the subject, and she nodded quickly. It didn’t really surprise him, Dahlia was a social person and great with children, she likely knew everyone in the village. “I’m her friend, I live with her.” 

 “But… Why does she live with a vampire? Mama told me that she kills them.” She frowned. “My brother says if you stab them in the heart they die.” To emphasize this she jabbed him in the chest with her stick, causing him to make a face. She wasn’t lying when she said it was very pointy.

 “You can’t kill me with a stick, so, please don’t do that again.” He told her. “And I’m not… a bad vampire… I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

 “No… but I was bleeding a lot. Don’t you drink blood?”

 “Not from little kids.” The thought of it made him sick, drudging up more bad memories he shoved in the back of his mind. 

 “Oh… I thought vampires were bad. Miss Dahlia made them sound scary, but you’re not very scary.”

 “You think so?” He looked down at her. “I’m not bad, but other vampires are, so be careful, okay?”

 “Okay.” She smiled at him, seeming perfectly content with the fact a vampire was currently carrying her in his arms. It wasn’t the reaction he expected, he had anticipated screaming or more crying or anything else that would make him feel worse, but knowing she wasn’t the least bit scared of him was somewhat comforting. 

 Clara was able to direct him to her house, asking him to bring her up to the window she’d climbed out of. He figured he’d have Dahlia tell her mother in the morning, it was too late to wake anyone up and he also didn’t want to try to explain that he handled a bleeding child and didn’t feel the slightest urge to feed on her. She left her “weapon” outside beneath the window and set her jar on the windowsill, smiling at Silas once he set her down inside. Helping a child sneak back into her house was by far one of the oddest things he’d done in his life thus far. 

 “Thank you for bringing me home mister Silas!” She said, softly but happily. “And if you don’t tell my mama I’ll let you have some of my brother’s blood!” The thought was absolutely horrific, but also the image of a sweet little girl offering up her brother was too much for him not to laugh at.

 “No- don’t do that, please.” He laughed. “Just, go to bed, okay Clara? And no more sneaking out of your house.” He said sternly. She nodded quickly, telling him goodnight before running off back into the house. He finally felt himself relax knowing the little girl was safe, going on his own way to head back home. 

 It turned out to be much more eventful than he’d hoped a simple walk would be, but he didn’t quite mind that. He still had yet to interact with most of the people in their village since returning from Alastair’s, he was too scared of the reaction he’d get when they realized he was a vampire now. He felt somewhat at ease about it now, somebody knew he was a vampire and he wasn’t dangerous, Clara had said he wasn’t even that scary, which was probably the best compliment he’d gotten in a while. 

 He hoped that maybe if a little kid could accept him as he was and not be frightened, then maybe other humans could too.

[purplesurveys]

807

Have you ever laughed at someone because they had a funny name? No, that sounds awful. I had so many kids laugh at me because of my name when I was younger, so I’ve learned better than to do that. If I come across a weird name I’m more likely to judge the parents than the kid themselves. Speaking of names, why do celebrities always call their kids stupid ones? It’s not just celebrities who do these; they’re just famous so they get all the attention. Generally though I really don’t know why more and more people have been choosing to give their kids odd names. X Æ A-Xii in particular stresses me outtttttttttt PLEASE LOVE YOUR CHILD If you have a problem with someone, will you confront them? Depends on who it is and how big/personal my problem is with them. I won’t always confront someone; sometimes it’s best to act like you don’t care. How do you like your tea? (: Iced, lemonade, and with a lot of sugar. Do you get car sick easily? No, only if I do something to induce motion sickness like reading or texting.

What did you want to be when you were a kid? The earliest occupations I wanted to have were firefighter, astronaut, and a veterinarian. When I got a little older I wanted to become an author. Insert funny memory here:  My favorite story to hear from my friends was when my org had a get-together shortly after we got new officers elected (myself included), and when I got drunk enough I was apparently announcing the suspensions of newly-inducted orgmates I was yet to know more, effective immediately loooool. It was part of my ~powers so I guess that’s why I spent nearly the whole evening doing that. I made sure to apologize to those people the day after. :(( Do you think you're a good conversationalist? Why is that? Yes, when it comes down to it. I pride myself on being a good listener – pair this with the fact that I’ve also learned to ask good questions through the years as a journalism student – so this ability usually includes being able to catch on to the little details they say. From there, I’m able to ask them questions I know they’d love to answer. My trick in conversations is to just have people talk about the things or hobbies they love, because time usually flies by then. Are you more likely to be called a hard worker or lazy? Hard worker. What is your sense of humour like? It’s pretty flexible. I can laugh at kiddie jokes, dark jokes as long as they are not blatantly offensive and harmful, and at the same time I can laugh at dank memes that make absolutely no sense whatsoever.   Do you think you're fairly intelligent? In what way? Yeah, but it’s book smarts more than anything else. I like reading and racking up new knowledge, memorizing things, acing tests, etc. I don’t consider myself street smart at all sadly lol, and I’m still super dependent on other people when it comes to crossing the road, commuting (if I have to), bargaining, etc. How do you like your eggs? Poached or scrambled. Do you enjoy visiting your relatives? I look forward to the food being served more than anything else, because Filipino family reunions don’t fuck around when it comes to the preparations haha. Other than that, I’m always a bit wary when visiting family because Filipino relatives also tend to come up with the worst introductory statements: “You’ve gotten so fat,” “Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet?” and “I don’t like what you’re posting on Facebook” are just starters. What's your favourite thing about the nearest upcoming holiday? That would be Independence Day, and I like that it’s solely ours. Our independence day used to be on July 4th to be the same as America’s, but a past president changed it to June 12th so we can instead commemmorate the day we gained independence from Spain, instead of sharing our independence day with a colonizer. Have you ever been on a float in a parade? What were you doing on it? No, I haven’t. Have you ever had a strange compliment? What was it? I’ve probably gotten one or two of them but I don’t keep comments like those in my memory, so there’s a very good chance I’ve forgotten all about them. When was the last time you had deja vu? I don’t really remember exactly when but it was sometime within the last week. Have you ever had a dream in black and white? I don’t think so. I’d remember it if I have. What about a dream with no sound? Nope. What is something you find interesting but would never pursue as a career? Astronaut. It’s such an awesome job and I look up to everyone who does it, but for me it’ll always stay as a fantasy career. I’m simply not good enough at science to understand how stuff in space works; plus I get dizzy extremely easily and that’s not gonna work well for me when it’s time to board the spaceship lol. What types of people do you tend to avoid? Racists, homophobes, and fanatical Catholics. What is one personality trait a potential friend must have? They must have an introverted side. I can’t deal with people who are super active 24/7. Have you ever seen someone slip on a banana peel? Nope, I’ve only mostly seen that happen in Mario Kart hah. Have you ever been in a helicopter? I have not. What is a colour you love that's not your favourite? Maroon. Where would you like to travel to? Anywhere outside the house would be a great start. I’d love to get to go inside a mall, any mall. What colour is your car? / What colour would you like it to be? My car is white, and I’m happy with it being white. It looks clean and sleek that way, for me. Does anything hurt on your body right now? What? No but I’m feeling a little hot. I need a shower. What is your favourite mode of travelling? Road trip or by plane. Have you ever had Chickenpox? I haven’t. Dreading the day it comes to me because I just know it’ll be a million times worse as an adult. Can you roll your eyes into the back of your head? I can but it’s very uncomfortable and I don’t do it at all. I only did it often as a kid, whenever I wanted to scare off my sister or make funny faces with my cousins. If you have online friends, do you think you'd get on in real life? Yes, I think so. I’ve only had one negative experience with an online friend who turned out to be a dipshit, but I like to keep optimistic when it comes to my other friends.  Who is your favourite animated character? Answered this in another survey, but Spongebob. I also took a big liking to Mr. Peanutbutter from BoJack Horseman since he was the only one who kept me happy throughout the show hahahaha. Are your favourites often what the majority like? Like, in relation to my above answers? I know a lot of people didn’t really like Mr. Peanutbutter because he was horrible at reading Diane’s love language and due to his tendency to mask reality with humor and general immaturity, so there’s that. Spongebob is pretty much universally loved by everyone who has seen the show, though. If you could have anything for dinner tonight, what would you choose? I did have dinner already and I was very happy with the sisig my dad made. I would have had it with soju, but I already drank coffee today and with my body just finishing up healing itself from my awful fever last week, I don’t wanna beat up my body by mixing coffee and alcohol immediately lol. Do you prefer sweet or savoury foods? Savory. Do you worry about eating too much? What about eating too little? I don’t really worry about either. I find that I eat a healthy amount of food for all my meals, so there’s little reason to overanalyze that department. Is it dark outside right now? Yes, it’s 10:30 PM. The moon has an interesting haze around it at the moment that makes it hard to miss, but otherwise it’s very dark. Do you get scared when it's a full moon? No. Do you think Jaffa Cakes are a cake or a biscuit? xP I don’t even know what those are and I’m too lazy to check. If you go anywhere, do you always buy souvenirs for people? Nah, just for Gab. What was the last toy you got in a cereal box? I don’t know, I don’t remember. The last time there was a toy in a cereal box we bought would probably be like 16 years ago lol. Hypothetically speaking, if you owned a charm bracelet, would you always make sure the charms meant something to you? Not really. I imagine I’d get charms just because I want to collect them lol. I know Pandora does a lot of charm collections, like Disney and Harry Potter. It doesn’t always have to mean something to me. Are you waiting on anyone coming home right now? No. Everyone living here is home now. Is it easy to make you gag? Nope. I watch pro wrestling dude, I’ve seen lots of disgusting stuff go down. It’ll take a lot before I gag. Do you like the way your voice sounds? Yes, I’m alright with it for the most part. Do you usually keep to yourself? This is pretty vague. You mean about my personal life? I’d say so. I normally would keep to myself but I’m also an open book, if that makes sense. Like I’m okay with spilling out my stories or emotions, but people have to come to me and ask for them; otherwise I’m just staying quiet. Can you see the stars from your house? Sure. Sky looks best when you’re at the rooftop though. How would you react if your favourite band made a song with your first name as its title? It would be on repeat for like three months lol. What is a word or phrase you've been told you overuse? It’s been years but a prof once told me I used “okay, so...” a lot as a transition when I report. I appreciated the comment though and since that time I’ve been more watchful of the phrases I use when I report. Are you considered an awkward person? I have my times, yeah. I’ve gotten considerably better in dealing with people though and usually it’s them that’s awkward now, not me lol. Has a career advisor ever helped you choose your ideal career? No, I’ve never met up with a career advisor before. If you were abandoned for a week, would you be able to fend for yourself? Yes, as long as instant food and some basic frozen food are accessible to me ahuhu. Is there a light on in the room you're in? Yes. Have you ever been friends with someone who was your complete opposite? YES, Gabie and I cannot be any more different. Sometimes I still wonder how she and I ended up being friends at all, but I chalk it up to our humor and the way our (very different) personalities manage to mesh well together. Have you ever wished you were an identical twin? If one, do you hate it? Not really. What day were you born on? Tuesday. What's your favourite number? Why did you pick that? I never really had a favorite number. Whenever I have to pick one I just say 4 just because it’s Beyoncé’s favorite and she uses it on literally every concert, show, etc. so I’ve come to encounter it a lot as well lol. What does your favourite perfume / deodorant smell like? A little fruity. Who's your favourite Disney character? Flynn Rider. Do you like having a favourite everything or do you enjoy keeping open? I like having a favorite everything but I also like keeping my options open just in case I ever wanna shift favorites. What's your favourite advertisment? Or do you find them all irritating? I don’t pick ads to be my favorite lol. They’re not irritating, but I just don’t particularly care about any of them.

[atopearth]

The Men of Yoshiwara: Ohgiya Part 3 - Gakuto Route

It’s interesting to see the mother’s different priorities towards Kiyoha in each route lol. For Gakuto, it seems like Kiyoha’s considered an adult after her first visit to Yoshiwara, so now she’s to be trained to take over the business as the new head. Although he Gakuto really made the worst impression on her by forcefully kissing her as an apology for making her wait, I did find it interesting that Kiyoha didn’t enjoy it at all and hated it haha, I guess I can see why Gakuto would be interested. He’s confident, he’s popular, there’s probably many women who would happily take that kiss, yet she rejected it so adamantly haha. Although, for a lot of the arguments they have, I do feel like she took the fighting a bit too far, Gakuto helped keep her in line by speaking out honestly that although they’re both prideful, it’s not like they really wanted to fight, they just don’t like to back down from one another though. I never really realised that Gakuto could also choose to reject clients, nice to know that they do have a bit more freedom than it seems. It’s kinda saddening though, just as Gakuto is forced to serve clients as a geisha, Kiyoha is just as entrapped by her circumstances since she feels that she must court Gakuto so that she can have the influence and connections of interacting with a popular geisha, as well as bear a worthy heir for her family through him. Everyone is so bound to their duty and their fate, it’s actually rather disheartening.

I found it endearing that Gakuto pushed her in order to make her forcefully acknowledge and understand that she wasn’t ready. I’m sure there were other ways to do it, but Kiyoha is really stubborn and prideful, so I think him pushing her down and kissing her was the only way for her to admit that she couldn’t do it after all. It was sweet how he properly listened to Kiyoha and backed off when he knew she wasn’t ready to sleep with him. I also liked how considerate he was by reassuring her that it was fine and that she should just be honest with her feelings, and not force herself just because this is something she needs to do. Hmm, Gakuto is looking for his sister, but he’s from the mainland so it’s weird that she would be on this island…hmm, I wonder what his circumstances are. Wow, okay, that escalated really fast. Honestly, Kiyoha was pretty overbearing to force him to reveal his eye under the eye patch just so she can see whether he has a scar and is the man the woman who went to her store talked about. Like, seriously, Kiyoha really could have handled it better, but instead she hurt Gakuto by forcefully seeing his scarred eye and digging up his personal life by invading his privacy rather than asking him. But I see, he is the guy that woman was talking about, guess they did not end amicably if she scarred his eye, and he scarred her forehead. I wonder what Gakuto wants revenge on her for though, I feel like the scar isn’t the main reason.

I love Gakuto. He can be all superfluous and sexy when he wants to be, but other times, he could be so crude and brutally honest, it’s pretty hilarious to see. It was expected, but to think that Gakuto’s mother sold him as a kid to Yoshiwara for alcohol expenses was saddening to hear, but I think the worst thing was that she sold him to one of the worst stores in Yoshiwara, where all the sick geisha are and where all the “fallen” geisha would be etc. Just imagining how devastating of a place it could have been makes me shudder, it sounds like a place full of death. I’m glad Gakuto had a friend; even though he died eventually. When Gakuto said he didn’t deserve someone honest and pure like her since the higher up he is as a geisha, the more dirty he is, I really liked Kiyoha’s answer. She just told him to make himself cleaner by being with her more, since he said that his heart feels cleaner when he’s with her haha. I’m glad Kiyoha was able to take Gakuto to his friend’s “grave” (considering their store and status, dead geisha get thrown together into a nameless grave) and reminisce about the things they talked about. They felt like such precious memories. Lmaoo at Utsusemi and his big mouth, he legit just tells everything about Gakuto to Kiyoha, it’s so funny to see Gakuto tell him to shut up hahahaha. It’s funny how Ageha has a loose mouth too, they all just casually tell Kiyoha about how importantly Gakuto regards her lol. So cute how Gakuto is very fond of candy though hahaha.

Although their first time ended up happening in questionable way, it was understandable why Gakuto was so enraged and yet so sad when doing it. Kiyoha forcefully stopped him when he finally found the woman who gave him the scar, and tried to comfort him with herself, which I felt was understandable from her perspective. She’s been wanting to protect him this whole time now that she’s closer to him, and I can see why she would be willing to do anything if it would satiate his wrath. She just wants him to be the happy person that he is with Utsusemi and Ageha… I see, Gakuto wants revenge because this woman was supposed to elope with Yoshino (his dead friend) since they were in love, but on the day of the elopement, she never appeared, and Yoshino was captured and punished cruelly, thus leading to his death. Considering that she was the first one to fall in love and go kinda crazy about it (she slashed Gakuto with a razor during one of her quarrels with Yoshino?), I’m curious about what the true reason for her not appearing actually is. It’s saddening that this caused Gakuto to unable to find it within himself to truly trust love, nor to truly invest himself in friends since he believes that it will only hurt him, and he can’t take that anymore. It’s so painful to hear that Gakuto had since then spent all his life rising up in the ranks as a geisha just because he wanted a better information network to find this woman and get revenge on her. It’s heartbreaking to think that it’s the only thing keeping him alive. It was sweet of Kiyoha to tell him that despite what he says, he’s someone that’s a big softie, no matter how much he wants to distance himself from others, he’s too kind, it’s impossible for him to really not care about Utsusemi and them.

I thought it was really sweet how Gakuto specially ordered fireworks in the shape of flowers for Kiyoha, it was really cute how they played with the sparklers🥰 I think it’s nice that regardless of what burdens Gakuto is carrying, he can’t help but feel a sort of fondness towards Kiyoha. If this was real life, I’d be sceptical of Kiyoha going to Utsusemi and Ageha for advice on what to do about Gakuto and his revenge, especially since she barely knows them, and who knows if they’re really friends with Gakuto or enemies considering their work. Anyway, this is an otome game and all the LIs should be good boys so we’ll ignore that hahaha. I’m just glad Kiyoha consulted someone before Gakuto did anything rash I guess. Tbh, when Gakuto plead to Kiyoha asking her to not abandon him, and that she promised to stay with him forever, my heart really broke. I know she just wanted him to come to his senses and stop focusing on revenge, but the way she said things to the broken Gakuto really hurt. I’m glad she didn’t really leave though. Gakuto’s plan to use Utsusemi and sacrifice him to get the woman (by telling the authorities that they’re trying to elope) really showed how much hate is within his heart, as well as how much he is willing to give up all his emotions and relationships for this revenge plan. I’m glad Kiyoha got them to spread rumours that Gakuto might be thinking of eloping just so the others at Ohgiya would watch him like a hawk, it’s a pretty good idea considering she can’t be there 24/7. Considering what their relationship was like in the beginning, I find it really sweet how much she wants to protect him now, and how unconditionally supportive she is towards his worrying mental state. Seeing him finally sleep peacefully when she was by his side was really nice but saddening. I found it really heartwarming to see Asagiri and Takigawa both worry over Gakuto due to the rumour spreading a bit more crazy than I thought it would. It’s saddening that Gakuto can’t see how important he is to other people. I can see why Musashi would want Kiyoha to just choose another geisha, especially considering how dangerous it could become. My heart broke when he said he will always devote his life to Kiyoha and that’s why he wasn’t able to agree with her actions, it hurt when she said she’ll set him free then, she’s so blind to everything else but Gakuto🥺

I kinda got scared that Gakuto really was going to kill the woman and they would have to stop him from getting too crazy lol. But it seems that Kiyoha’s feelings finally got through to him, and all he really wanted was for the woman to apologise to Yoshino’s grave. Can’t really blame the woman for going nuts and being scared of Gakuto tbh lol. Can you believe it though? The reason she didn’t go to elope with Yoshino was because she didn’t think he’d take it so seriously. Like wow, knowing the consequences, who would joke about it? And why would they give you a time and place and everything if they weren’t serious? She obviously just abandoned him and wanted to make herself feel better by saying she didn’t think he’d take it so seriously. It’s honestly disgusting that to this day she still can’t admit that her actions caused his death. I find it saddening that Yoshino loved such a selfish woman. On the other hand, because Gakuto left Ohgiya to look for her (and end up finding Kiyoha!) so now he’s been like jailed for running away… The only good thing is that everyone knows about this revenge story now, so they’re not too harsh with him. It’s kinda ironically funny that his popularity is booming even though he’s in jail lol. And he’s back in a jiffy! 

Honestly, the thing with the woman got a bit draggy, but honestly it was heartwrenching when Gakuto talked about how before all this was resolved, he would always dream about the day Yoshino was screaming as he got captured, then beat up as punishment, and when Gakuto finally had the chance to sneak food to him, all he found was his lifeless body. It’s just so terrible to think that he had to experience something like that with someone so important to him when he was so young, it’s understandable for him to have been so adamant about revenge. I think it’s pretty cool how Gakuto paid off his own debt, it really shows how popular and well loved he was with customers and the people at Ohgiya. I found it hilarious how corny and cheesy Gakuto was on their wedding day, but I think it was really sweet and refreshing to compare to how he was towards Kiyoha in the beginning. It really shows how honest and heartfelt his feelings for her were because he couldn’t word it in any other way. It made me so happy to see them happy like this considering everything that happened. The other ending is pretty interesting! I kinda like that in this ending, he does get married with Kiyoha, but instead of taking care of her business alongside her, he stays as the keeper of Ohgiya to maintain order and protect the district, I feel like with what happened to Yoshino, it’s something he would like to do so that such a tragedy wouldn’t happen again to anyone else. Omgg is this the only route where Kiyoha actually has a kid?! Because dang is their kid cute lmao. I loved the sequel!! It was so sweet to see a lightened up Gakuto playing with kids and being so loving and protective over Kiyoha, I enjoyed it! Kinda wish it was longer but it’s all good.

Overall, I think I love Gakuto the most. I honestly didn’t expect it because I didn’t like the eyepatch look, but I’m actually impressed and happy that there was a reason for the eyepatch, I honestly thought it was just going to be a design thing hahaha. I think what I loved most about this route is that even though it was dramatic, I felt that it was done really well. I also liked the transition of Gakuto and Kiyoha being like a playful stubborn couple that weren’t able to really show their affection until Gakuto’s past caused him to nearly mentally break. I think it showcased nicely the ups and downs of a relationship (in a dramatic way of course) that wasn’t too contrived. I felt that the portrayal of Gakuto’s pain, his grief, his fear and his indecision alongside his love for Kiyoha was done really nicely, especially when accompanied with Kiyoha’s unrelenting love for him and protection of him. I also really loved how much Utsusemi and Ageha was a part of it as Gakuto’s friends and to help Kiyoha save Gakuto since she couldn’t do it by herself, I think it’s great to see that it wasn’t just love that was able to help him, but it was also because his friends were there that everything could be resolved in it’s own way. I also liked how things weren’t resolved as peacefully as it could have been if the writers wanted something cliche (since it ended with the woman’s accidental death), it really felt like they thought about it imo hahaha. Anyway, I really enjoyed this route!

[soukitas]

“When you’re drunk, throwing up is always a good idea.”

Pairing: Gintoki x Reader Genre: Fluff  Chapters: One shot Word count: 1,678 Summary: Gintoki was out drinking, as usual, and you run into him. He really is a handful, but you manage somehow, that’s how strong your feelings for him are. 

A/N: Hello, this is my first Gintama fic, it’s been a while since I have written, and I decided to write x reader fics because I know we all want a good Gintama gentleman in our lives. I try hard to keep them in character, and also live up to the anime’s style and humor, that’s why titles try to mimic Sorachi’s. This piece is a gift and fully dedicated to my favorite tumblr person and partner in meme crime @parurushi, the original Mrs. Sakata. Love you R, I hope you like this. 

If you’re on mobile “Keep reading” won’t work, but you can read the fic here.

The wind of Edo felt rather cold against Gintoki’s drunken face as it blew through the alleys of the Red Light district, the fact that his body heat was so high seemed to surprise him, as if the eight jar of beer he was chugging down didn’t have anything to do with it. The small establishment was quiet, being Gintoki the only one there as he was still fiddling with the ramen, that had already gone cold, in front of him.

— Alone again, Gin-san?

The silver-haired man furrowed his eyebrows together, offendedly, at the snarky comment that came from the owner. He was a very well-known man around said district, always getting into trouble, broke, and had passed out at the entrance of almost every bar that was open past midnight, nonetheless not a single shop owner disliked his presence, he was always served with joy, and treated with respect, a kind soul whose only purpose was to help those who really needed and deserved it.

— Leave me alone, old man, beer is best enjoyed when you’re drinking by yourself.

— That’s not a saying, Gin-san, you should find yourself a good wife, someone you can laugh with, that will take care of you even after you have fallen sick.

— Why are we talking about this?

— I’m just worried about your future, I won’t be around forever either, and my son is not taking care of the business, who will look after you when you’ve fainted from the alcohol?

— I’ll  just drink somewhere else, it’s not like I have an exclusive contract to drink here. This is like the anime, sometimes we’re with TOEI animation, sometimes we are with other studios, that’s just how it works.

The man seemed to enjoy the joke of a very upset Gintoki, whom had gotten a lot louder than at the start. As the atmosphere seemed to lower it’s tension the welcome bell rang at the door. The slim figure of a woman entered the shop, dressed up in a vibrant purple kimono with golden flowers ornamenting the silk.

— Welcome!

The owner shouted across the room and watched you get closer to the counter, he was aware your smile was relentless, but after working an eight-hour graveyard shift it was just natural you looked like death. You took a seat next to Gintoki, but the way his head was hanging low blocked him from actually becoming aware of your presence.

— You really are a good for nothing.

The sudden blurt of words coming from you seemed to push him over the edge, making him sit back up with an angered face and a raised tone.

— HEY GRANDMA WHY DON’T YOU MIND YOUR OWN- — he stopped mid-sentence when he realized the person he was talking to. — Ah, it’s just you. What the hell do you want?

— What do you mean “it’s just you”? That’s how you were raised to treat women? How are you not a virgin remains a mystery to me.

— What are you even doing here?

— Kagura called me.

— That kid. — he scoffed — I told her I don’t like being disturbed while I’m drinking, she doesn’t have to worry about me, I’m adult I can take care of myself.

— She wasn’t worried about you. — you said with certain mockery in your voice — She asked for ramen because she’s starving, because a certain “adult” hasn’t fed her all day.

— Whatever. — He muttered under his voice. — I don’t have any money anyway.

— You don’t? — the owner barged in.

— What you acting so surprised for? You told me you wanted to start giving back to the poor, well I am the poor, I’m taking back this beer.

You started laughing at his nonsense, knowing full well half of it was because of his drunken state, and the other half was his actual personality. The owner had already settled your order in front of you, ready to be taken back home. You had been friends with the Yorozuya for a while now; you always had some curiosity about that one man Tae always complained about, the one that took her younger brother into what she called a “path of disgrace and virginity”. One day you decided to walk home together with her, after all nights were dangerous for women to be wandering on their own, especially in that area of the city, and that’s when you first met Sakata Gintoki, on his knees, near the fridge, stealing your friend’s strawberry milk, you even almost felt sorry for him after Tae smothered her whole fist against his face and threw him out without his boots. After that event, you just seemed to run into him everywhere, and shortly enough you also became friends with the two younglings that lived with him: Shinpachi and Kagura.

All of you got along pretty well, mostly because you would take out Shinpachi and Kagura for a meal every now and then, and there was nothing more important for them that being well fed. Gintoki would often tag along, but the past weeks he wasn’t really present whenever you hanged out with them. You didn’t take it too personally, he was that kind of man anyway, stubborn, moody, a professional slacker, reminding yourself of all those flaws was just a way to question yourself why you liked him so much, why you worried so deeply about him, and longed for his company like you had for no other before.

— Don’t mind him, old man, he gets especially moody when he’s drunk. — you laughed along with the older man, seeing Gintoki clearly pissed off through the corner of your eye.

— I came here to have a good time and honestly, I feel so attacked right now.

— Quit being dramatic, Gin-chan, I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want. — you got up almost immediately after your statement, laying on the counter enough money to pay the bill off. You turned your body around, giving him a small pat on his curly hair — I will take this to Kagura. Don’t stay up too late.

You smiled towards him, to what he diverted his gaze from. You took your leave and the only sounds in the store were the clinking the dishes made when being washed.

— I get it now. — the owner broke the silence.

— What the hell are you talking about now?

— You guys call me an old man all the time, news for you, old men have some wisdom within them.

— Whatever you are insinuating, I can assure you you’re wrong. — Gintoki stood up, barely, with a little stumbling of his feet. — I will pay you for this some other time.

— There’s no need to, your friend left enough to cover your bill.

The surprise on Gintoki’s face could not be hidden, but he was not completely sure whether the owner’s words were real or just a prank of his own drunk mind. He took off immediately, struggling to get home on his own as his feet seemed not to work as desired and the directions in his head were not fully clear; somehow he made it to the base of the stairs, and even more impressive was how he managed to go all the way up to the apartment without falling off the handler, clumsily he opened the door, but the moment he shut it closed a dark shadow seemed to move on the couch. Despite his state Gintoki still managed to grab the handle of his sword and adopted his fighting position.

— You really took a little long to come.

Your voice snapped him out of his concentration, allowing his body to relax down.

— You scared the shit out of me, what the hell are you doing?

— Just wanted to make sure you got home safely, but I guess I fell asleep while waiting.

— Well, I’m home, so you can go back now.

— Alright, good night.

You started walking out of the house, but before you could fully close the door you heard a “blergh” like sound coming from inside. You sighed to yourself, trying to convince your head that you had no business checking what that was, but you, too, were stubborn, you turned on your heels to re-enter the apartment and looked inside the bathroom; Gintoki was with his head shoved into the toilet and a strong vomit smell coming out of it, you kicked his lower half gently, no response, he was passed out.

When you drink while you’re older than twenty God has no mercy on you, Gintoki was no exception, his head was throbbing, his mouth was dry, and his memory was gone. A faint smell of something being cooked outside was enough motivation to move a little, he sat up on his futon and grabbed his head to attempt reducing the pain in the back of it.

— Kagura? What are you cooking?

There was no response from the other side of the door, instead it parted open, allowing him to catch a glimpse of you with a tray between your hands, on it a bowl of rice and egg, and next to it a glass of water with a pair of aspirins.

— You’re up early, I just assumed you would go into a coma. — Gintoki’s eyes were still parted open, almost unable to believe them. While he seemed to space out you walked over to him and took a seat on the floor, right next to his futon. — Eat, or else your hangover won’t go away.

He wasn’t able to look away from you, not for a single second, with the same startled look on his face, you could see the ruby-colored eyes clearly, the same ones you had once compared to a dead fish’s, just swallowing your entire presence. It made you uncomfortable, no, it really made you nervous, so you looked away. He realized so and that broke his thoughts away.

— Sorry, sorry.

— What were you staring for?

— Nothing. — he sighed before rising his sight again, a small smile drawn on his face. — I was just thinking. Some old men sure are wise.

[o-wise-corvid]

Prologue- Captain Cody

A varactyl death scream. The echoing sounds of blaster fire. His own voice repeated over and over, bellowing orders, shrieking in pain. He watched the Jedi fall. Obi-Wan turned himself over in midair, determined to survive. The commander’s arm was still lifted in the kill order gesture, two fingers pointing at the target. His arm. “Blast him.” Words formed easily by his mouth while the inside of his head screamed, fighting his own bones and muscles.

Cody’s eyes snapped open and he cried out wordlessly, relieved to find himself in his bunk, shrouded in the dark, legs twisted up in sweat damp covers. He may still, trying to bring his breathing under control.

“Captain?” The black protocol droid that had been assigned to his quarters snapped to life and turned hollow, yellow visual sensors toward him.

“It’s fine, Sixthree.” His voice sounded ragged in the hollow, stuffy echo of the room.

Cody sat up, swinging his legs over the side of his bunk with a groan. His hips and lower back protested, popping as he moved. He was getting old and feeling it. Standing, Cody shuffled to the refresher and braced himself on the little sink that stood directly opposite the door. The squared off, slightly warped mirror betrayed more than his body ever could.

His hair was silvered at the temples and around the back of his head, thinning up top. He’d been considering going totally bald for a while now. Just to be done with it. Wrinkles spread out from his eyes in webs, carving furrows from his nose and down the sides of his mouth, creasing his forehead. The scar framing his left eye was more like a crevice now, pulling his eyelid down a little. His body wasn’t as lithe and flexible as it had once been, though he’d like to see one of the fit new Shinies take on a spider droid up next to him.

“You look rough, Trooper.” And then he smiled dryly at himself, scratching the stubble on his chin and cheeks absently.

A sick ache left from the dream curdled in his guts and he splashed some lukewarm water on his face. The memories of the Order didn’t seem like they would ever ease. The hatred of what he’d done followed him like a shadow, literally everywhere he looked, the result of his contribution to the Galactic Empire slapped him across the face as if on purpose. The monster had risen from the seeds sown by what most people now called The Clone Wars and it was huge, dark and ugly.

Obi-Wan. Cody gave an audible hiss at the thought of his name. The Jedi had been his friend, had saved his life, and how had he been repaid? With a watery grave, a shot in the back from his own Troopers. Guilt, old and familiar made him tighten his grip on the sink, the flimsy plastisteel groaning under the force he exerted. There’d not been a man in he galaxy that Cody had respected more and a faint glimmer of hope that his actions now would’ve made The Negotiator... what, proud? Not hate him because of what he’d done, the way he did in many other nightmares that made the regular circuit of his fitful dreams.

Cody wasn’t sure. He walked around, issued orders about keeping the destroyer he’d been charged with floating, and trained new recruits when he wasn’t looking fierce. Recruits?! Stupid little kids that thought they could ever match the ferocity and skill of Clones. His brothers. There were so few of them left anymore, all spread around, trying to imprint their abilities on people who were not bread to war and battle. It was such numb-skulled concept. The Empire wanted the effectiveness of Clones but didn’t want to keep making them.

“Captain Cody.”

That voice brought him to attention. It was Vader. A chill crept over his scalp and down his spine until it sank into his feet, turning them into blocks of ice. Cody crossed to the communication display that took up most of the living quarter’s space. Vader’s head and shoulders loomed, huge and eclipsing, angular mask staring at him indifferently. He snapped to attention, uncaring that he was only in the black bottoms that he wore under his armor. “Lord Vader.”

The head inclined slightly in acknowledgement. Just after the end of the Wars, Vader had caught him in this state before and when he didn’t address the fact that Cody was naked to the waist and obviously just getting out of bed, Cody realized that Vader either tolerated it, doubtful, or simply didn’t care. He had no idea who Vader was underneath the armor and cape, but his suspicions leant toward a former Jedi. Who in the Force that might’ve been, he had absolutely no clue. The man knew soldiers though and he didn’t antagonize those who did their job and did it well. One thing he knew though was that he didn’t want to get on Vader’s bad side. Cody had betrayed his Jedi against his will, but this man... this man was something else. If former Jedi he was, Vader had slain and hunted his brethren until the mention of them was all but forbidden. If he knew soldiers, then he’d been in command. And there were only a handful of Jedi who had actually led troops, none of whom Cody could stomach the thought of becoming the beast that was Darth Vader.

“Your presence is required in the training yard. I have a new assignment for you.”

“As you wish, my Lord.” Cody answered automatically, without inflection. It was the way a Clone still under the control of the chip would sound like and Cody was careful to hold himself in that tight pattern, not allowing the facade to slip for even a second. If they knew, if anyone so much as suspected...

But his life was cheap at this point and if he had to die, trying to keep an eye on the Empire was a good use of what little time he had left.

He dressed quickly after Vader ended the transmission. His armor was not dissimilar from that which he’d worn nearly all his life, except black was the main color rather than white. It did look nicer, the shiny plastoid gleaming darkly with his signature bright yellow-gold accents. He bore the rank of Captain now, which was more decorative than anything, but even after all these years, Cody felt most comfortable with the weight of his armor encapsulating him. The Imperial insignia across his chest soured that comfortable feeling though.

Vader was waiting for him in the training yard, a thrumming shadow with the breath of a sleeping giant, waiting to reach out and crush anything it decided deserved a slow, strangling death. He was well over six feet tall and made Cody feel like he was looking up into the mouth of some enraged, ravenous beast. But he snapped to, saluted and stood at attention with practiced and even graceful fluidity.

“Captain,” Vader greeted smoothly, stepping to the side. His long cape shifted to reveal a... little girl? Cody’s eyes flicked down at her, seeing the naked terror on her face and it was all he could do not to tilt his head to let her know he was looking at her.

“This child is a force wielder, Captain. She lacks the ability to become as powerful as myself or even as the Jedi who you once served beside, but her talents can be used for the Empire’s service. You will train her in hand to hand combat. Your service record reflects the type of master she will require to be of use to us.”

“Yes sir,” Cody chirped, hoping his voice didn’t betray his total shock at what was happening. “She will... stay with me?”

“She will stay wherever you deem fit. Do not coddle her, Captain.” The command dripped menace and Cody fought the urge to swallow nervously.

“Of course not, my Lord. She will learn or she will die.” The little girl flinched at the word, glancing between the two faceless men. Vader nodded pointedly and left, the cape billowing behind him like a storm, not sparing a further considering moment for the little girl.

“Follow me.” Cody made sure his voice carried an acidic growl loud enough for anyone within earshot to register.

The girl gave a start and then obeyed. Her eyes were huge and dark, dirty and tangled black curls spilling around her face. Her skin would’ve been dark, possibly the same shade as his, had she not been leeched with cold and fright, her hands balled into tight little fists that she kept pressed to her chest.

He led her to his quarters, unsure of where else he was even supposed to take her. No one so much as glanced at them as the odd duo passed through the monstrous ship and Cody wondered if it was out of fear or apathy. Once they were inside, Cody ordered the protocol droid to go find some clothes that would fit the girl and bring in some food for her. The chattery clanker hurried off to do his bidding and Cody locked the door behind it. Then, he turned to look at the little girl.

What was he supposed to do now? Training older teenagers and grown adults was one thing. But a kid? A kid who’d been ripped from her family and tossed on a Star Destroyer with an old Clone, no less. Where was she from? What had happened to her? What must be happening inside her head right now...

“What’s your name?”

She blinked up at him, fear and anger making her eyes over bright, not answering. Instead, she made a frightened little noise and stepped back from him, glancing around for somewhere to escape. She was so scared, so lost. The sight of her did something unspeakable to Cody’s heart and he fought the urge to just scoop her up and hold her. Kids shouldn’t be experiencing this. They should be at home, with family, with people who could provide for them and protect them. This was so wrong. So cruel.

“Hey, hey, no...” Cody hesitated and then slowly removed his helmet, remembering an incident with Waxer and Boil on Ryloth in what felt like another lifetime. The helmets were scary back then; he probably looked like some sort of predator to her. Sinking down on one knee slowly, he leveled his eyes with hers, hoping not to further terrify his new charge. “I’m Cody. I’m not gonna hurt you, little one. But if you’re gonna survive this, you’re gonna have to trust me.”

She stared at him, breathing hard. There was no way he could get her off the ship and back to safety; her home was probably a crater by now, wherever it was.

“I... come here.” He reached for the blanket crumpled on his bed and tugged it free. “I know it’s cold. You’ll get used to it. Especially once we get you some decent clothes.” He opened it up to her, inviting her to take it. She didn’t. The dark, wide eyes watched him, tears spilling over and down her cheeks. Cody didn’t expect to feel a lump form in his own throat but there it was.

And that was when the world of Trooper CC-2224 shifted.

Something clicked, almost audibly, inside Cody’s head and the running, yowling script of “How am I supposed to do this?” halted, erased itself and was replaced with one firm sentence: “I’m going to do this.” Because of course he was. There wasn’t another option. He might’ve betrayed the Jedi, he might be still serving the Empire despite having slowly but surely shrugged out from under the control of the chip in his brain, but he was not going to just allow this little girl to suffer if he could possibly help it. For all his failings, for all his regret and self-hatred, this little girl could be the one thing that he finally got right. She needed a family, a protector, a provider... well... she had one. If this was coddling, then he guessed he’d just have to make his peace with disobeying a direct order, come what may. There really wasn’t any other choice.

“It’s okay, precious. I’m not-“ His breath left him as the girl flung herself at him. He wondered for a split second if maybe his epiphany had somehow shown through on his face as the girl’s momentum sent him rocking backward a little. It didn’t really matter though. This was where he realized he wanted her, safe and wrapped up in his arms. The relief of being able to comfort her somehow bled the strength out of him like a wound and he sat down with a weary sigh.

Skinny arms clutched around his neck and the cries of a child who had seen and felt too much too soon tore the air the quiet room. They stabbed at his chest, sounding too much like the green varactyl as it had fallen. “Easy, easy,” Cody tried, eyes stinging. He let the little girl cling to him as hard as she wanted, rubbing her bony back soothingly. He wanted to say something, to find the magic word that would make the pain that was this small creature lessen. But there were none, he realized as he swiped angrily at his own wet cheeks.

“You’re gonna have to trust me, okay?” he repeated after a long minute, having wrestled his emotions down to where he thought he could keep them still. “You’re gonna be okay.” Whatever was going to happen with this little girl would not be easy but in no way was this something he’d miss. Toss her off on some underling? Step in to check on her once a week? Unthinkable.

She grew still and then stepped back a little bit, hands still on his shoulders. Swollen, red eyes. Streaked, grimy cheeks. A dress that was mostly patches and frayed edges. “Cody,” she tried, and managed a wobbling, watery smile.

He smiled sadly at her, wiping her tears away with his thumbs. “That’s right. You... you can either tell me your name or if you’d like, you can have a new one.” What made him do it, Cody wouldn’t be able to say for several years. But the ultimate reason was that this little creature reminded him so very much of his brothers. He’d never held someone, let them cry on him and felt their body heave with sorrow, that wasn’t one of his brothers.

“I can pick a name?” A curious, almost happy note crept into the girl’s voice, which was high and sweet.

“Sure. I picked mine.”

She frowned but it was more curiosity instead of something troubling. A grimy hand came up and dug the heel of her palm into her eyes, then she gave a loud sniffle. “Your parents didn’t give you one?”

“I didn’t have parents,” Cody said simply. “I had brothers though. Lots and lots of them.”

The girl’s face brightened but then fell. “My parents are gone, too.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Cody cupped her face in his hands, trying so hard to be gentle. “But you’ve got me. I’m gonna make sure you’re gonna be okay.”

Her eyes glistened but she didn’t start sobbing again. Instead, she reached up and traced the curve of Cody’s scar with one finger. If there had been some part of himself that Cody had been withholding from committing to keeping this girl alive, it was now officially and unconditionally surrendered. He expected her to say something about the scar, but instead she asked softly, “Could I have my Mama’s name?”

“Tell it to me.” He actually impressed himself with how steady his voice sounded because inside, everything felt like it was breaking and twisting, reshaping itself into something not unpleasant but not easily made.

“Gaia,” she said quietly.

“That’s lovely.” Cody smiled, a tear that he hadn’t watched closely enough slipping down his cheek. The little girl saw it and daintily brushed it away. “You sure about it?” he asked, clearing his throat to try to hold some part of himself together.

“... Yeah...”

He pulled her into another hug, which was warmer than the first. She curled into him like they’d known one another her whole life and Cody, now so exhausted that all he wanted to do was crawl into bed and never get up, leaned back against the wall with a tired grunt. “Okay, Gaia. Okay.”

[larissaloki]

Abusive relationships,

Yes another one of these, ths my own personal experiences with a relationship that ended nearly two years ago. I’ve only just gotten the confidence too share as to this day, my son is still negatively affected by the aftermath.

Thankfully my relationship only lasted 2 months before i wised up and kicked his ass to the curb. These kinds of relationships can happen to anyone, not just women, so this post will hopefully serve as a warning for everyone on what to look out for.

Before i continue i will warn that content can be sensitive for some (obviously) but also mentions of a bdsm esk lifestyle. Not overly explitic but it’s still there. Also I am just writng out as it pops into my head so bare with my ramblings as this hard to get out.

To start off with, I am a single mum living in a flat and at the time i was working part time (18 hours a week a the time) with a 2 year old toddler and 22 years old. Despite having a son I was lonely a lot as a lot of friends stopped contacting me and my weekly dnd group was disbanded so my human interactions where limited and lets just say retail doesn’t equate to good human contact.

Fast forward because you don’t want to hear about my struggles wth dating as humourous it is. I met (lets call him D) D and as always, things see well- D was sweet and charmng and was seemingly ok with me having a toddler. Brillant! i thought i had hit gold with this guy.

This how abusers are, they make themselves seem to sweet and amazing that you become blind any faults. You know that saying “I’m not like those guys, not all guys are like that” D used these words when describng himself and in conversations. in my experience with him and a few other people, people that have used these sentences are often exactly like the ones they say they aren’t.

So far everything he’s done is present a pleasent package that sound and looks trustworthy and a nice guy. Making the bad traits come across as just mere off days. I was so blinded by the fact that he seemed to sweet and nice that i didn’t realise exactly what he was doin for a mere two months. thankfully talks at schools and thing’s I’ve read online and family members helped me clock onto his games.

ALWAYS LISTEN TO FAMILY! i say this because they noticed within weeks what he was doing and were trying to find ways to warn me. He seemed hesitant to meet my family after a month of dating which for my family is odd, as we are a pretty tight family more or less at the times. My mum met everyones partners quickly as we all visited each other a lot at the time.

when she did meet him a month into dating and was talking to him, D admitted that he would read my phone over my shoulder ALL.THE.TIME. This is not good, nothing i thought was private actually was. But his own phone was protected like it was the holy grail of all holy grails. I never actually asked to see his phone but it’s somethin i noticed after we broke up that he would always hide the screen from anyone in the room. He would try and create arguments over anything with my mu and sister when they were at my home while i was working, watching over my son. At this pont i wasn’t still comfortable enough for D to be along with my son.

When i then got home, my mum and sister would leave quickly unable to stand being in D’s presence. this made me think they simply just didn’t like him, so when it annoyed me, D would jump onto my rants and feed them. Make my anger at my mum and sister worse by telling white lies, basically fanning the flames. People, if your partner does this- take a step back and wonder why.

D was purposefully driving wedges between me and my family and later my best friend by complaining about each and trying to get me to join his point of view. Tryng to get me to view them as hinderences rather than support. Driving me to focus on him completely and not them. Do not let anyone destroy your family ties, especially ones with your closest family.

then theres the other little things, like comlaining how i wash my hair and which products i use saying i was damaging myself. everything i used was of good value and methods professional hairdressers adviced me to use. But apparently a guy who doesn’t even condition and had short balding hair had better knowledge then me. this is another form of control, trying to tell me how to do things. same with cooking, I’m not a bad cook i can make somegood meals but he insisted on cooking saying he’s amazing at cooking. He would often put in way to much garlic and onion making the meals he made full of to much flavour and would get upset when my poor 2 year old wouldn’t eat or I wouldnt. Even when i told him not to put so much he would snap saying he knew what he was doing.

Then theres the guilt tripping and telling me how to raise my child. A person who has no children was apparently more knowledgable than me who read articles and books and have a mother who’s had 4 kids herself. When out and about he would get annoyed when my 2 year old had a tantrum and play up.

saying that my son was being a disrespectful shit to me and would publically shame me for ignoring or trying to appease my son depending on what the tantrum was over. RED FLAG! A 2 year old cannot be disrespectful, my son struggles with speech to this day due to D demanding my son uses his words and not cries to display hs wants. D’s view was that kids should be perfectly articulate at 2 year old and understand all these adult social cue’s.

Then at bed times, D hated that i cuddled my son till he slept and that my son came intomy bed halfwa through the night for comfort reasons. So he demanded i changed the night routine to involve maths for my 2 year old and a story while my son was in bed then just walkout of the bedroom. leave my son alone regardle if he was upset, my heart broke at my sons cries as D scared my son back into bed and kept leaving him. Ignoring my concerns with this method saying it wht he read online and eventually my son will sleep. worst two weeks of my life until i broke the cycle as I just couldn’t allow it to continue.

i was fas growing afraid of D at this point. One night he flipped his shit as i turned over in bed declaring it was to hot to share the bed due to my memory foam topper and that he runs hot anyway. he threw his phone at the wall over it. Another time he yelled at me for not trying a certain stores jellybabies when i said. didn’t like jellybabies, saying that i was being stubborn as this stores jelly babies were delicious. i promised to try them later- when he was out i threw them away and just told him that yes they were ok.

He mocked the games i played and liked, i love final fantasy and rpg games a lot. i find them entertaining but he mocked them saying i should play more fighter interactve games. he made me play one that i just found dull and did not like at all.

After this he was also scaring me with his bsm ettiquette, anyone in bdsm know that you respected your partners limits and repected their safe word and what they tell you the are ok with and what they aren’t ok with. A few times he violated this. He liked to give pain and i liked mostly pleasure and rope play. A hard limit for me was belts- i was not ok with them at all, he used one one session and i had to safe word out quickly which he found fuckng funny. This is not ok. Another time we wanted to try a new pose with ropes and the position i was in was making me feel ill half way through beng tied, so i safe worded and asked me to get me out as i felt sick.

If your partner is in rope and feels unwell or safe words out- get them out fast! Cut the ropes if you need to you can always buy more ffs. But D didn’t, he sighed and slowly untied me. No matter how much i begged him to hurry up he went at his own slow ass pace. Do not do this as something someone once found enjoyable suddenly no longer is.

And lastly, do not snap at your sub if your rope plans dont go to plan. Do not make them feel bad if something doent work. I was snapped at when ties he was tryng for the first time weren’t working, nothing i could help.

towards the end he told my mum when they again where at mine alone that he would be moving in in 6 months time so she had best get usedto him being here. we had only been dating at this point for less than 2 months. I have a rule that i don’t move in with someone unles i’ve been with them for more than 2-3 years at the minimum.

8 MONTHS IS TO SOON.

the event that pretty much spelled the end for this? was my sons bday and D turned up after eveyone had gone which fair enough, lots of kids wasn’t his thing. I had some alcohol and energy drinks as well, he offere weed which i had had before unaware of him slipping me ectasy as well.

All of these things did not respond well to me, hours later in the next morning as i had this 9 pm the night before, by 10 am D left to go home and i was dealing with what i think was the come down. Badly. Ikept having panic attack and was not right for two days after. My heart kept going dangerous speeds that i had to call my mum and sister for help as D said he woudlnt come over as i wa just beng silly and that it would pass. I was worried for my son if something was to happen to me over it.

After this i talked to my mum and the truth was coming out in small bits. I stupidly was on the fence about what my mum was telling me as i was reliant on D’s affection and we i went to get a coil (birth control device) and D hated that i was going with my mum and that i had been talking to her.

He got defensive and was telling me i didnt need my mum in my life. His mum wa dead and he was doing well, so i didn’t need mine in hs eyes. This is maniplative as fuck and he was an asshole trying to use this. By thi point. Was wising up to his tactics and games with teh help of my mum exposing what he hadsaid to her and i dumped him.

He tried to then play around with getting his things back and tried to arrange it when i would be alone. Never meet an ex like this alone people i beg you, i got my mums bf to wait for him instead,and i prepacked his stuff so he couldnt possibly steal anything. When he saw my mums bf his aggressive pose he had at the door dropped away. He was suddenly polite and cordial and left with little fuss once received his things. Never meet an abusive ex alone.

After he left my life i found out he had gotten onto my computer that was a christmas gift and had wrecked it beyond usable it quickly broke and i lost everything on it. All my musc and pictures and works. My computer wa my escap and coping mechanism for depression and anxiety. Same as my music. Im still struggling in life around men due to this and my son is strugling to learn to speak still.

Please be careful and never cut out people from your life because a partner says so. Friends and family mean more than someone you just met.

[maybe-writing]

-Trigger warning-

Amber was scared of chocolate, apparently, and this was new. Not disgust, not distaste, but full blown terror. She was having panic attacks at the sight of a peanut butter cup. One of her co-workers brought in chocolate chip cookies, the smell sent her into a meltdown. And now was the worst time for this to happen.

“I did this so I wouldn’t make a fool of myself at my sister’s wedding,” Amber lamented to the Doctor sitting in front of her, “now I’m going to have an anxiety attack if Sara serves chocolate cake.”

“It’s a tricky process.” The doctor said trying to calm her down.

“That just sounds like you didn’t know what you were doing.” Her voice was sharp and snarky. Amber has never been one to mince words.

The doctor took a deep breathe, to calm himself, but his tone still came off as defensive, “It’s a much harder process if the patient isn’t involved. All you told us was get rid of the worst memories of your father.” The doctor was trying to keep her attention, but Amber’s distracted and standoff stance, made that difficult. “The mind can change memories to be more ‘palatable’, especially our most traumatic ones. You will always remember a memory differently than how it actually happened. Do you think kids really had superhero dad? This makes the memories hard to decipher when you don’t have the information or knowledge of the actual situation.

“The coding can be strange too. Sometimes you can’t distinguish between fact and fiction. If you want this to work you have work with us this time.”

“That just sounds like therapy,” Amber grumbled, “and therapy didn’t work for me. That’s why I came here, needing to work out my feelings and whatever.”

“This is kind of therapy in a sense,” the doctor’s tone more soft “Memories just can’t be erased, or least the most powerful ones. Your mind is a highly advanced super computer. When you delete a memory it doesn’t just go. We had to move the memory to a deep place in your subconscious. But this moving process can cause some recoding. That’s where this sudden fear of chocolate came from. You have to tell us what is ultimately fiction.”

Amber felt sick. But she wasn’t quite sure why. She didn’t really remember any of the memories they got rid of, but she knew they couldn’t be good. The thought of getting those memories back felt so degrading, “Fine.”

The doctor took her back to the room, and there it was, this big chair. Something you would see in a sci-fi movie. They sat her in the chair and placed nodes on her head. The machine came to life, and the assistant told her to take a few deep breathes and count backward from ten. No sooner did she say “ten” she found her self in a big empty black space. A deep void, that was soon filled with little screens. Flashes of images, like her graduating college, her scoring the winning run in softball, her first real breakup, all these little images of her life. Some less vibrant than others, “You need to head to the back.” A disembodied voice of the doctor filled the darkness, like it was both in her head and in her ear at the same time.

Amber moved cautiously to the back and came upon a door, she walked through “A movie theater?” Amber was confused as she stood in the back of rows of chairs facing a massive screen.

“This is what you’re brain decided would be the most comfortable way to view this information,” the disembodied voice said. Amber picked a seat and got comfortable, waiting, “Here’s the first one.”

The screen came to life and a ‘movie’ played. She recognized everything, but it was also like a dream. It was the house she grew up in, but it was decorated like on old Disney movie. Her dad was dressed like a villain from an old cartoon she watched as a kid. Amber in the movie was 8, and in a clothe dress. One like Cinderella wore before she went to the ball and meet the prince. She was on her hands and knees, scooping up liquid chocolate of the floor with her hands. Gagging and crying, “Is this what you were talking about? Am I supposed to tell you it wasn’t chocolate?”

“Yes,” the doctor’s voice rang, “but you also have to tell us what is really happening, so we can change the coding back.”

“We had a dog when I was younger. She had gotten sick so the vet gave us a medication so she could get better, but it gave her accidents. I must have forgotten to take her out. She had an accident in the house. he wanted me to learn a lesson so I had to clean it up, but i couldn’t clean it with the mop. He didn’t want to ruin it, so he made me clean it all up while screaming at me the whole time.”

The screen cut off, and the theater was quiet. Amber just waited for the next movie to play. She remembered how the doctor explained the whole process. how memories had a strong emotional response, and these memories were hard to forget, so they made you forget them. But since these memories can make up a Important aspect of your personality they can still affect you and your behavior, but they were more or less repressed.

She wanted to keep some memories of her dad, for purely pragmatic reasons. She needed to at least remember who he was and even some of the less horrible things he did, but at least she wouldn’t try and kill him at Sara’s wedding. Sara went to therapy, and she was told by her therapist to go out and try things. She tended to not be trusting of people, but when she took the doc’s advice she meet a really great guy named Heath.

They had a good thing going, and after a year of dating he proposed. But there still something holding her back, she said yes, but something felt wrong. She brought it up to her therapist, and they Informed her she still had some unresolved issues. She can only move on and truly trust someone if she forgave her father. Sara told her that she wasn’t sure if she was ready for that. The therapist told her you don’t give forgiveness for the other person, you give it so you can move on and actually marry the man of your dreams, and not do anything rash like leave him at the alter. She told Sara, forgiveness isn’t saying that what the other person did was okay, but that you’ll be okay either way. So Sara, against her better judgement, reached out to their father in an attempt to find some kind of closure. Amber hated therapy.

“Here is the next one,” the doctor’s voiced echoed on the screen came to life with a new memory. Same house, but a different setting. This time it looked like the red light district. Her father’s image this time of a 1920’s wolf man, holding a long black sock. The end of it weighed down, misshapen and bundled up with some squared corners. The wolf man was swinging the sock, raining down blows on the memory version of Amber. This time dressed up like a street walker from a modern day crime show. Large, unnecessary, very unrealistic breast for a 13 year old. Every strike pounding against her strange adult frame, as she was crawling away crying and begging him to stop. Amber watching the memory trying to figure out what was wrong, until she smelt it, the sickeningly sweet scent of cocoa coming from the sock.

“That smell, it was actually soap,” Amber said nonchalantly almost as if watching herself getting beat had become so numb after so many years. “ I’m sure as psychologists you know the abusers credo, of using soap because it doesn’t leave a bruise. He had come home early from work and I was in the kitchen working on a class project. I was partnered with a boy, my dad saw him and made him leave. He couldn’t believe I brought a boy back to his house. I dare I let the world know I was easy and a slut. He hated using that much soap and wasting it, so he wanted to make sure he really got his point across.” The screen cut off.

Amber wasn’t mad at Sara for reaching out, In fact she understood. but Amber wasn’t at that place to do it herself. Sara said it seemed to make him happy. He talked to her over social media. He explained to her that he has grown up and he wanted to rebuild their relationship. He wanted to start over. this changed came when he married a new woman that helped him find Jesus. He found Jesus. And that he wanted to get everything back on track. Sara complied but wasn’t entirely thrilled.

Sara didn’t feel like she got the response she wanted but she got what she needed, and so she felt over the moon to announce her engagement. And the congratulations started rolling in from family and friends, and her dad. Until he found out he would not be receiving an invite. he was pretty upset. He talked about how Sara was keeping them from rebuilding the relationship and that it had been 10 years and neither her nor her sister reached out to him. That how can they fix this if she was going to keep him form this very important moment in her life. He basically harassed her. Sara did her best to just ignore it, until the new wife jumped in.

Amber never really caught her name, but Sara didn’t feel like it was important to remember. She sent messages, laments of how Sara’s father had changed. He was a good man now. Who he was isn’t who he used to be. He wants to build something new and he can’t do that if Sara kept holding on to the past. She needed to learn to forgive. Sara just wanted them to shut up and stop emailing her, so she sent the invite. But it was important to note, In Sara’s opinion, their father never actually said the word’s ‘I’m sorry’.

“This seems to be the last one coded with chocolate.” The voice filled the theater as the screen kicked on. This one was different, because it wasn’t just her. It was her mom and Sara too. they were sitting at the table, Amber and Sara were both crying trying to shovel a black tar substance into their mouths. Their mom staring stone faced at the goblin creature sitting across the table. it was her dad, and he was chowing down on a massive feast. Amber looked about 16, while Sara was 15 give or take. The goblin dad was gorging itself on massive turkey legs and sides. Letting the juices stream down it’s face while it stared daggers at the three women on the other side of the table. The tar, she could taste, burnt charred chocolate.

“It was tomato sauce,” Amber mumbled, “My good old dad was one of those old fashioned guys that like dinner on the table when he got home from work. He must have left early, or didn’t hit traffic, because he was 5 minutes earlier than expected. Dinner was practically ready, it just wasn’t on the table. He lost it. Screamed and even hit my mom a few times, told her she was worthless. He spent so much time screaming my mom didn’t get the chance to turn off the stove, so she burnt the spaghetti. My dad didn’t want the food to go to waste, so we still had to eat. Just us though, he ordered himself take out. That was the day my mom decided she needed the divorce.” The screen cut off.

“Ok” the voice echoed “that seems to be all of it. now I just need you to count backwards from 10.” And just like before, no sooner did Amber say 10 was she back in the big chair. “how do you feel?” The voice no longer In her head but in her ears, coming from the doctor’s mouth as it should. Amber nodded not sure how to put her feelings into words. “That’s fine.”

Amber tried her best to remember what happened in the movies in her mind but they weren’t there. Every time she tried to pin them down they fled. Like small wisps in the distance. “ If you notice any other ill side effects, please do not hesitate to come back.” Amber nodded on last time.

Amber drove back home. She remembered how she felt angry and exhausted when she heard about their father weaseling his way into this special day for Sara. When she got back to her apartment she couldn’t help but break down. Amber couldn’t remember the last time she cried about their dad, but she felt so defeated. He changed, but he was still being as controlling and manipulative as ever. She did try therapy but once they got to the part about getting into the memories and trying to make sense of them is when she checked out. She would later hear about this new technology that could force you to forget memories. She knew she couldn’t see her dad and not try to kill him, so she had to work out her issues. What better way then getting rid of every horrible thing he had ever done?

Amber looked down at her gas gauge and realized she should get gas before she got home. She went inside and noticed the assortment of candy at the counter. She picked up a peanut butter cup. She placed it on the counter, paid for her gas and headed out to pump her gas. She waited by the car as the tank filled with gas, and gave her time to think. And there was two things she knew to be true.

First, Sara wedding was going to be great, and Amber was not going to be the reason it was ruined. Second, that peanut butter cup was amazing.