#siblingabuse

[secretsandillusions]

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Trigger Warning: This post is going to be talking about "Sibling Abuse" and the things that go along with it. If this topic - or the topic of abuse in general - is upsetting for you please move on. If you decide to move on: Have a wonderful rest of your night! If you decide to stay, you've been warned.

What is Sibling Abuse? "Sibling Abuse refers to any form of harmful behavior or mistreatment that occurs between siblings within a family. It encompasses various types of abuse including physical, emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse. Sibling abuse can involve acts of aggression, violence, intimidation, manipulation, or control exerted by one sibling towards another. It may manifest as repetitive patterns of abusive behavior or isolated incidents of harm. Sibling abuse can have profound and lasting effects on the victim, impacting their emotional well-being, self-esteem, and overall development.

Yes, some types of behaviors exhibited by siblings that might fall under those categories are normal. Teasing, for example, is common and normal between the sibling dynamic, however it can also very quickly go from fun and light-hearted to something that is to be concerned about.

This includes things like playfully teasing each other about music taste, accomplishments, having funny nicknames for one another, and just in general having a back and forth banter that doesn't delve into truly harmful insults or nicknames.

It especially stops being light-hearted teasing when it becomes one sibling insulting another, using derogatory language, when one sibling is singled out over the other(s), when it starts including physical violence such as pushing or hair pulling. It also crosses a boundary when it starts being done in the eye of the public, even if the "public" is just other family members or friends, in a way that is meant to make the victim feel humiliated.

Physical fighting out of anger - or playful fighting morphing into physical fighting - as well is not considered a healthy or normal aspect of being siblings, especially if it is consistent.

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My Story - 1

Now I wont get into every story today, this is already a fairly long post so I don't want to make it even longer, but I'll share a story I thought was completely normal until I looked into what Sibling Abuse was after hearing it during class one day.

I do want to make something clear though, something that should've made me realize this wasn't normal behavior sooner, but when you're in the situation you don't realize what exactly is wrong.

My sister was TWENTY years older than me. She was a grown woman by the time I came out of the womb basically, and obviously continued to be a grown woman as I grew up. She also was in the army and was a cop.

You might also have caught on to the "was" used to describe her that is normal in a couple places, but might stand out in another. My sister is dead. Has been for almost two years now. That is why I feel comfortable enough to be able to share what has happened to me as there is no risk of her coming across this and knowing it's me, even with a fairly anonymous account. She did have her ways, after all, though those are stories for another day.

Anyways. That background out of the way, here is story number one, though it is an amalgamation of events that happened between the ages of 9 and 13, something that stopped right as I hit puberty and just changed to something else.

The first time this happened was in private, I was sitting on my moms bed watching TV with her (my mom) and my sister and out of nowhere my sister smacked me across the chest, hard enough to knock the wind out of me, and make jabs towards the fact that I was flat chested. Obviously this was because I had yet to go through puberty so there was no estrogen being produced to promote breast growth. This is very normal. However, I didn't have this knowledge and figured something was "wrong" with me, however as a child with very, very, VERY, limited internet access there was no way for me to learn that this was normal for pre-pubescent girls.

My mom did not say anything about this, opting to just focus on her show instead of her nine year old daughter that had been hit across her chest by a twenty-nine year old woman who was vastly stronger than she was, and who was also subsequently gasping for air. I was called "dramatic" though.

This continued to happen whenever it was just me and my sister alone, though it would also sometimes happen during family gatherings or during my birthday parties in front of my friends while all the eyes were on me, such as when I was opening presents, or blowing out birthday candles.

One of these times was at my eleventh birthday party. I was running around playing with water balloons, as that's just apart of a summer birthday party when it comes to children, so my heart was already beating pretty fast and my breath already fairly short as, again, I was running around and having fun. My sister decided to join in on this fun and for a minute it was fine, and then she found me where I was hiding, trying to take a breather because my chest felt a bit funny, like it was racing extra fast compared to before, and this was new to me. She decided to smack me across the chest and make fun of me for being flat-chested. I felt my heart skip a beat.. and then another. It only skipped two and then raced a bit afterwards before becoming normal for me again. This was scary. I felt my face tingle and my left arm go numb a bit, and my pulse go crazy even after I was able to hold my hand over my heart and it felt normal.

She would always hit me with at least the same level of strength as the first time, just hard enough to knock the wind out of me and make my chest sore for a few hours but never really hard enough to leave a bruise.

Then, one day, we were in the Starbucks drive through. I was thirteen at this point and it was one of the last times she would do this as I would be hitting puberty in October of that same year as my 13th birthday.

Anyways, we were in the drive through and at the window where you pay / get your drinks. As the barista was handing over our drinks, making direct eye contact with me and smiling as she could see I was excited over my silly little Pink Drink, I suddenly doubled over in pain. I was hit in the chest, again, but this time with not as much accuracy as I was leaning forward, causing stomach pain as well as chest pain. Gasping for breath, as well as coughing and gagging. The barista didn't say anything, but then again what do you say when you witness that happening? She did look horrified though, and I'm sure that was the talk of the mid-shift for at least a few minutes after we drove off.

That time it wasn't paired with a "You're so flat", "Birdchest", or "What are you, a boy?" comment from my sister, probably because that would've been a step too far in front of the barista at the window.

Like I said, this sort of thing happened between the ages of nine and thirteen, only stopping after I hit puberty because I no longer was able to be called "bird chest" though it did eventually morph into making fun of me for still having a small chest. 34A gang, where you at?

I remember my mindset at the time - I would look at myself in the mirror before or after a shower, turned to the side and looking at myself in the mirror. Comparing my developmentally normal chest to the women around me, who had already gone through puberty, some even already having had children, and finding myself gross and weird for being so flat compared to them. Well... Yknow, no shit, I didn't look like them but how was I supposed to know that I was normal?

The kids in my class had gone through puberty sooner than I had, a lot of them quickly growing bigger chests, and eventually classmates joined in on the "birdchest" and "you look like a boy" comments my sister had been saying towards me, without them ever knowing she said that.

So for, what, four years? I had to deal with nearly-daily and sometimes multiple times a day, being smacked full force across my chest, hard enough to cause actual physical pain and shortness of breath, while being insulted for looking like a boy.

This took a toll on my health not only mentally and emotionally but physically. Not too long ago I got diagnosed with an heart arrythmia. This was something my doctor stressed as a concern in general, but even more so when I told her that the first time I noticed my heart being "weird" was back in that birthday party story I told, and it just became more common since that day, though I will say it has recently gotten better over the past few months. That being said, I didn't even know at the time, and only learned recently, that repeated, hard, impacts to the chest could cause a heart arrythmia.

I'm sure some of it is genetic, I do have heart issues that run in my family on both sides, however for it pop up this early on in life is extra concerning.

Again, I have a handle on it now, But I shouldn't have to have a handle on a heart condition at the age of 18 that, on average, happens in people in their sixties*.

I think this will be the end of story one. This is kind of a lot in general and something I should probably bring up with my therapist before the internet, but hey I told my boyfriend about (some of) this beforehand so it's fine, right?

Okay

Bye

I'll share more later - probably

*(Approximately 70% of individuals with AF are between 65 and 85 years of age - National Institutes of Health)

[ink-man-sam]

S4 Eren gives me so much gender envy, I wish he wasn't an asshole

He also reminds me of my brother and every time he comes on screen he strikes a bit of fear into my body #childhoodtrauma #siblingabuse

[joeljthatswrite]

All i wanted was someone to tell me “It’s not your fault”; all i kept hearing was “It’s your fault”

[healthyfitness-world]

Sibling abuse is real, it's traumatizing, and it should be recognized and not ignored.

[despisepeople]

Is it only my mum who said that I shouldn’t take things so personally and for sure I could have met worse people than my sister. What just happened?

[elitethinker]

. The Cerebral Cortex is the largest part of the human brain and is responsible for rational thinking, making decisions, determining whether a situation is safe or dangerous, etc., and is probably the most active part of the brain in "normal" people. . The Amygdala, the smallest part of the brain, however, is the Ruler of an Abuse Survivor's brain. Our critical developmental years were spent in Survival Mode due to our abuse: we were always on high alert, looking for ways to avert impending danger and how to minimize the effects in the Danger Zone most of us called "home". . We were NEVER safe, and were the most vulerable when we were asleep. Our bodies were constantly bathed in Adrenaline and Cortisol, chemicals that are only supposed to be released under times of Fight or Flight, and our bodies may not know how to function without them. . Although we may Physically be Safe, we may not FEEL safe. Seemingly harmless things, smells, tones of voice, spoken words and phrases, and situations, can sound the Alert and the Amygdala "hijacks" the Cerebral Cortex (the Amygdala is moving at the speed of light while the Cerebral Cortex is as slow as molasses in January). . This may result in Panic Attacks, Dissociation, Shutting Down, Fleeing, Hiding, or any number of "Undesirable" Behaviors (for us and/ or others). Everyone understands and sympathizes with Veterans when this happens because we know it's probably a result of PTSD because of what they've seen and experienced. . Abuse Survivors and Victims also have forms of PTSD, Complex PTSD (exposed to trauma over an extended period of time) and Developmental PTSD (extended exposure to trauma during the developmental years), because of our abuse. Our brains are often indistinguishable from combat Veterans due to our experiences and should be given at least the same understanding and sympathy. . . Cr: @isuvoa & @aptsda . . . #amygdala #cerebralcortex #brain #brainofsurvivor #survivor #victim #sexualabuse #childabuse #siblingabuse #childabuseawareness #sexualabusesawareness #awareness #endsexabuse #stopsexabuse #education #ptsd #cptsd #dptsd #trauma #chilhoodtrauma https://www.instagram.com/p/BpYNO7KncCF/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=hv9kwd0phz4r

[classsponge-blog]

Most of the time my depression is crippling. But this week I have cooked dinner twice.. this week I am celebrating a win

[calltoamentor]

I don’t hate you. I want to. I want to be blindly furious you helped get us into this mess. I want to spit in your face and demand to know why I don’t matter, why our younger sister doesn’t matter. Why your fiancé, who’s a WoC, doesn’t matter. I want to demand answers from you about how you could have possibly thought this ended differently. You, who pretends to be far more stupid than you actually are. You who could probably recite the events surrounding World War Two better than most people.

I want to believe this is out of character for you. I want to believe this is part of your lumbering dumbass act that you put on for the world. But it’s not, is it? I remember the time you slammed my face into concrete until my nose broke at the age of four simply because you could. I remember you pummeling me while I curled up on the floor, hoping it will end soon. I remember you openly and loudly calling me a cunt, a bitch, punching me in the face on multiple occasions in public. You going out of your way to humiliate me and isolate me much like the rest of our family did, only taking it a step further by beating me as well. You are the exact person Trump was marketing himself to; a big, white bully with an extra cruel streak that markets himself as a good, lovable idiot to those it would convenience him to be viewed that way by. So that he can do what he wants and his victims would never be believed. The Trump campaign has your face all over it.

I want to give in to my anger, my hatred. I want to sneer that this is so typical of you, only viewing the world through the lenses of what is most convenient for you. But I don’t. I can’t. On a personal level, to leave you is to leave the rest and I’m not ready to do that yet. On a wider scale, to give into my anger and cut every Trump supporter out of my life whether they are regretful or not will solve nothing. If they, unlike you, are regretful and I turn my back on them, then I risk throwing away another person who might help fix this. If they, like you, are still proud of their new bully ringleader that they’ve cast on us all and I turn away then I will not be there when the realization sinks in that they’ve done something harmful. I’m aiding in the ideology that there’s nothing they can do to repair the damage they’ve done to our country. This…is bigger than my hatred. Bigger than me. I cannot give in to my bitterness and anger that you didn’t just contain your abusive tendencies to me but flayed them across the backs of everyone who lives under Trump’s rule. There’s work to do. There will be a time and a place to cut you from my life, and I will get there. But now is not it.

[siblingsexualabuse-blog]

The second time

My cousin also lived in the same house with my older brothers and I. We were all hanging out in my aunt’s room one day and my second oldest brother told me to go under the sheets to stick something in my mouth. Clearly confused, I went with it. He proceeded to shove his penis in my mouth again and again. He insisted I stay under the sheets to continue. It wasn’t long before my mother came into the room and found out what my brother was making me do. She took out a dust broom and immediately started to hit us. She hit us again and again telling us what we were doing was wrong and continued to yell. Angry at how it wasn’t my fault, I glared at my brother in anger at what he made me do. 

Looking back on this now, I wonder how and where my brother learned this from. He was 7 or 8 at the time, how did this start for him? 

[cecerusso]

↳ INSTAGRAM: @lostsaintcece uploaded a NEW PHOTO with @sethrusso​ ❤ 999 likes, ✐ 203 comments

mma protip brought to you by the savage: if you want your moves to be good, practice them on your unwilling sister.

have an older brother they say. it’ll be fun they say. he’ll protect you they say. DOES THIS LOOK LIKE PROTECTING? #siblingabuse

[joelspiral]

This song Soften my Heart was shot in front of a wrinkled green screen with a lack of lighting. We exploited that fact to make a unique imperfection a strength. Its a lofi nugget of soothing funk made by Joseph Wargo on his Op-1 keyboard ⠀ #lofi #hiphop #single #rap about #siblingabuse #musicvideo #emotionalintelligence #wise #earlychildhooddevelopment #honorable #original #softenmyheart #quantumLyricist (at Honolulu, Hawaii)

[despisepeople]

Remember: Sibling abuse is real

Im my opinion I am victim, but my mum just said that it is my fault. When I need a hug. I don’t want to live

[sharkmeatpie]

Blatant sexism

Unfortunately, my late father, whom I adored more than anybody else in the whole world, was sexist towards women. That’s hard for me to confront and admit, but I’m glad I can acknowledge shortcomings in the people I love, including myself.

Both my younger brother and my half brother have screamed the F word in my face and actually physically intimidated me, which is the definition of assault. No physical contact has to occur for this behavior to be considered an assault in the eyes of the law. Battery comes when contact is made. Younger brother actually crossed the line and shoulder checked me once when he was angry at me. My father was present for all of these occasions when these men, who were bigger and stronger than I, screamed curse words in my face, berating me for existing in their space until it actually became physical. My father stayed silent and never once stepped in to defend me or tell his sons that their behavior was unacceptable.

When it came to my father, though, he would not tolerate any mean word thrown his way, especially by a woman. We got into an argument the last time I saw him, and he wanted to destroy the entire planet because I had hurt his feelings. His own son and adopted child screaming and threatening his daughter is tolerated but not something said in anger to him by the same daughter. See the disconnect? Women aren’t allowed to get angry, but men sure are. Do better teaching your sons to respect women.

I love you, Dad, and I forgive you.

[elitethinker]

Repost from @halestormrocks with Instaget . . Dedicated to all #SURVIVOR out there, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I know deep down you already know that you are a STRONG, BRAVE AND BEAUTIFUL Person. Sometimes you just need some reminder and acknowledgment, not judgement. You are need LOVE and SUPPORT. Because sometimes you can be Fragile, Scare and Hate or Doubt yourself (Low Self-Esteem) too. Yes this Dualities is exist in our life because of our Reaction to our Terrible Past, Experiences and Bad Memories. And it is Normal, you are not Overreacting at all. 💝 . 🎶 "Been SURVIVOR since I began to crawl I'm falling down but I'm not out I don't give in, I DON'T GIVE UP I'm on fire, I'm a FIGHTER I'm on the edge of the WAR I am still ALIVE I am still ALIVE Black vultures circling the sky Pick at the pieces Scavengers wait for me to die But I'M NOT DEFEATED." 🎶 . Love the music and the song lyrics. 😍 #BlackVultures is one of my favourite track from #Halestorm's new album #Vicious along with Killing Ourselves to Live, The Silence, Heart of Novocaine, and White Dress. What yours, #Freak? . . Thank you @officiallzzyhale, @arejayhale, bandmate and team for your hardwork. Love your work. 😊 . . #lzzyhale #arejayhale #rockband #rockgroup #hardrockband #hardrockgroup #frontwomanband #frontwoman #femalevocalist #womanofrock #femalerocker #rock #hardrock #metal #womanofmetal #music #musiclover #groupband #indonesianfreak #rockalbum #trauma #childhoodtrauma #siblingabuse #sexualabuse #victim (at Indonesia)

[classsponge-blog]

There is no right way...

I am only at the beginning of my journey to move past this. I have not confronted my brother. My family does not know. It has only been 8 months since I have told anyone. I am seeing a therapist and she is great.

Growing up I thought I was incest. I never said no, but I was 8 to 10 years old. I never said yes either..

I still talk to him I went out with him and his family today... I became annoyed at the end him and his partner are so selfish.

There are so many questions I have to ask the universe. There is a huge journey I need to continue.. but there is one thing for sure... no matter how many sleepless nights, panick attacks or suicidal thoughts. HE WILL NOT WIN

[siblingsexualabuse-blog]

The first time

I remember I was 5 years old or so and I woke up to my oldest brother rubbing his body against me. My two older brothers and I all had one big room to share as children. There were three beds total all set side by side and my parents room were across the hall. I remember laying there completely confused as to what was going on. I sat there awake as my brother continued to press himself against me. My other brother laid across the bed from me, staring at me, confused just as I was. Although I didn’t know what was going on, I knew something was wrong. I spoke to my mother about it, explaining what my older brother had done. She might have been confused about what I was trying to say, but I kept on insisting that it was weird, I was confused and worried. She pushed the topic away as if it wasn’t a big deal and I gave up.

In recent years, a huge fear of being around my brother has grown. I can’t be in the same room with him for longer than a minute. I get incredibly tense, scared and defensive. I keep all talk minimal and will always find a way to leave. I’m about to start counselling to heal as I don’t want this to continue with this fear forever.