#siames my way

[takkytakk]

And maybe I'll make some mistakes

But I'm taking my life in my hands

Oh, I'm better this way

My way

No, you don't understand

So, please, stop pretending

[orykorioart]

June 2023

How could you forget Lup?

[Image Description: A 5-panel illustrated comic featuring Taako and Lup in a limited color palette of pink, light brown, light red, purple, blue and yellow. Taako is is depicted with light brown skin and dark hair, which he ties behind his back. He wears a purple cloak. Lup is depicted with light brown skin and dark hair, which she ties in front of her. She wears a red cloak.

Panel 1: Young Taako and Lup, on both sides of a pot. Lup is stirring as Taako looks in. Below the panel is captioned with purple text:

“What’s the feeling”

Panel 2: Close-up of young Taako and Lup. You can see half of their face, and they are excitedly talking to each other. Below the panel is captioned with purple text:

“When you have a broken home, home, home?”

Panel 3: Pans down to young Taako and Lup’s torso. They are standing close to each other, indicating that they are holding hands. Below the panel is captioned, text in purple:

“Where’s the love when you were left on your own”

Panel 4: Taako’s hand, wearing the Bureau of Balance bracer. His hand is relaxed, but alone. There is a brief out line of Lup’s hand, reaching out for his. Below the panel is captioned with purple text:

“So alone”

Panel 5: Taako is standing center-frame, and you can only see the bottom half of his face and his torso. There is a single tear rolling down his cheek, his mouth slightly agape. He is grasping the Umbrastaff tightly in one hand, holding it close to his chest. There is a faint outline of a hand on his shoulder. Below the panel is captioned with red text:

“Who said you’re on your own?” End ID]

[oobbbear]

More music videos should be animated

[l-0puko]

the forbidden lines slowly fade away - sugar rush ride (2023)

[coolerthancats]

SIAMÉS "My Way" [Official Animated Music Video]

[gauntletqueen]

Brain check! What song is in your head right now?

This because I am listening to it right now hjsafghhgajsf

[flying-pierog-art]

AAAAAARGH I MISSED SIAMES'S LAST GOOD TOUR. THEY HAVE A TOUR NOW. BUT THE SONGS IN MELODRAMATIC ALBUM FRICKIN SUCK. STÖLTZ COME BACK DAMN YOU 😭😭😭

Home album was so good :( and genuinly everything where Stöltz was the songwriter. Cause now the vocals are good but the lyrics are honestly tiring to listen to ._.

Rip SIAMES.

[draconic-desire]

Alright, let’s hear your thoughts on the Yan!Penacony boys’ theme song(s)

My votes are:

Yan!Aventurine … Dice and Roll (Odetari), Russian Roulette (Tungevaag, Raaban, Charlie Who?)

Yan!Dr. Ratio … Counting Sheep (SAFIA), Mad IQs (I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME)

Yan!Sunday … One Way or Another (Until the Ribbon Breaks), Tonight You Belong to Me (Patience and Prudence)

Yan!Gallagher … The Wolf (SIAMES), Tear You Apart (She Wants Revenge)

——————————————————————————

Please comment your thoughts! I’m building a playlist hehe

[thescarletnargacuga]

THE BULL

A HARLEQUIN AU CAINE SONGFIC

Harlequin AU and ART credit: @tadc-harlequin-au @iamespecter

WARNING: angst, PTSD, guilt, anxiety, regret, alcohol

~~~

Caine dropped the empty bottle. Numb all over, he slouched in his office chair. His mind finally stopped screaming. Dizzying nothingness awaited him. It was the only potential bit of peace he knew.

Each and everyday, hiding from the sunshine

Wandering in the shade

Not too old, not too young

His soul still aches. That never changed no matter how much he drank. A pain that could never be silenced.

Every night again

Dancing with the moonlight

Somewhere far away, I can hear your call

A giant black bull, covered in colorful eyes, burst through the door. The horned shadow charged Caine, plowing through his desk and throwing him through the wall behind him.

I'm out of my head, of my heart and my mind

Cuz you can run but you can't hide

I'm going to make you mine

Caine fell way too far before hitting ground. Getting up, the City of Circuits was on fire. Human families ran and screamed with their children. Puppets brandishing weapons pursued. Gunfire and explosions made his ears ring.

Out of my head, of my heart and my mind

Cuz I can feel how your flesh now Is crying out for more

The bull was back. Charging through the swarms of panicked people. It didn't touch them, having a clear path through the chaos to Caine. He tried to run. The ground beneath him crumbled.

Ain't No fairy tail what I see in your eyes

Awaiting your mistakes

Not too close, not too far

The abyss that swallowed him was lined with abstract eyes. He landed in something liquid. He couldn't stay afloat, no matter how hard he tried to swim. He went under, hitting the bottom. It was made of glass.

Sneaking in the pain

Every truth becomes lie

I won't trust myself

Once I hear your call

The roar of the bull was the only warning before impact. The glass prison shattered. The force of the bull tossed Caine like a ragdoll across the hard floor. It's hooves trampled him, excruciating pain stabbed his abdomen and head.

I'm out of my head, of my heart and my mind

Cuz you can run but you can't hide

I'm going to make you mine

He saw what he thought was Pomni. She was high up on a platform. He reached out for her. She jumped. She landed face first into the floor, it broke on impact and she disappeared below.

Out of my head, of my heart and my mind

Cuz I can feel your flesh now

Is crying out for more

He screamed. He cried until his voice was gone. Then he was surrounded by Pomni. Over one thousand stoic harlequins stared at him. He couldn't look at them. He heard the bull again.

I'm out of my head, of my heart and my mind

The bull charged through and the harlequins turned into hundreds of thousands of photos. The faces burned off of all of them. Caine was struck again. He didn't even try to get out of the way this time.

Out of my head, of my heart and my mind

The blizzard of photographs cleared to reveal scorched earth. The ground was littered with humans and puppets alike. Marionettes of all sizes lurked in the shadows.

I'm out of my head, of my heart and my mind

Cuz you can run but you can't hide

I'm going to make you mine

Caine stood alone in a dead world. Only the bull remained. It pawed the ground and snorted, its many eyes all focused on him. He closed his eyes as it charged.

Out of my head, of my heart and my mind

Cuz I can feel how your flesh now is crying out for more...

The roar of the bull was the last thing Caine heard before he jolted awake. He was soaked with sweat and alcohol. Bottles littered the floor around his desk. He held his head in his hands. His whole body trembled.

He deserves this.

And he knew why.

~~~

ADDITIONAL ART BY SPECTER HERE!!

[hallowpen]

Episode Eleven has a lot to unpack... including some cultural nuances that even I wasn't too knowledgeable about (so I had to ask my mom for clarification)

We're heading to Chao Fah Palace (คุ้มเจ้าฟ้า) in the province of Phrae (แพร่) for this episode... which is derivative of the old Lanna Kingdom and its culture. (We spoke a little bit about Lanna traditions when referencing the hairpins in episode five). Lanna territories are now part of modern-day Siam. In Lanna tradition, women were known as ช้างเท้าหลัง (pronounced 'chang tao lahng') which would literally translate into "the hind legs of the elephant". What it meant was that the direction of a woman's life and family were to be guided by the authority of a man, ช้างเท้าหน้า (pronounced 'chang tao nahr') "the front legs of the elephant". The woman must learn to accept her place. Lanna Buddhist tradition would preach that being born as a woman in this life meant you had not earned enough merit to be born a man, and to pray for better karma in the next lifetime. Ironically, before the rise of Buddhism, Lanna was one of the few territories to practice matrilineal succession... where lineage was passed on from mother to daughter.

Both of these beliefs were somewhat knit together for TLP's narrative in regards to Uangfah... which we'll talk about later.

ผ้าซิ่นตีนจก (pronounced 'pa sin tin jok') is a traditional skirt worn by women in Lanna. The skirts are known to have elaborate borders with strips of precious metals woven together, with spun gold or silver threads, by using a traditional loom. This technique emphasizes the beauty and value of the weaving, as well as the social status of the person wearing the skirt. The garment was generally reserved for high-ranking members of society.

Another practice steeped in Lanna tradition, is the art of making ตุง (pronounced 'toong'). In the northern dialect, this refers to a type of flag used in Lanna art and Buddhist ceremonies. The flags, adorned with various patterns and designs, are used to mark the boundaries of sacred sites as a symbol of the pathway toward enlightenment.

The series highlighted the Phra That Cho Hae Temple (พระธาตุช่อแฮ), which has rich history as a spiritual center and the most sacred Buddhism site in Phrae. Its highlight is the brass wrapped pagoda that stands 33 meters tall, which enshrines holy relics of Lord Buddha.

The Peacock Feather Dance (รำฟ้อนหางนกยูง - pronounced 'ram faan haang nohk-yuung') is a cultural piece of entertainment that sees dancers move in a circle and change positions in order to imitate the movements and courtship "dance" of a peacock. The dancers wear traditional northern costumes while holding peacock feathers. Known for its striking appearance, the peacock holds deep cultural and religious significance in Thailand. It is often associated with the ideas of beauty, royalty, prosperity, and spiritual awakening.

We are introduced to Uangfah's mother this episode. Princess Dararai holds the title of หม่อมเจ้าหญิง (mom-jao ying or M.C.) for being married to a descendant of the king. Princess Dararai wishing for her daughter to remain close to her after marriage has inklings of matrilineal customs, where the husband would typically come to live with the wife's family... and not the other way around.

The suitor Princess Dararai has chosen for her daughter to marry is Lord Muang-Rahm. Muang-Rahm holds the tilte of หม่อมราชวงศ์ (mom rat-cha-wong or M.R.) as a child of one "commoner" parent, but whose ancestry can be traced back to the king.

Uangfah has accepted the fact the she must submit to her mother's wishes and marry a man she does not care for (he's truly terrible... lesbi-honest). It's a bittersweet moment where we realize the realities of a woman who cannot openly pursue the love of another woman, given the views of society.

The proceeding conversation Uangfah has with Muang-Rahm is subtlety indicative of Lanna women who were in charge in their own relationships. Uangfah quietly inserts her authority over their future courtship by informing Muang-Rahm of her intentions to not wed straight away AND by addressing him by his nickname in front of Pia. Given his behavior, Muang-Rahm knows he cannot say anything untoward in order to save face... such a fun scene.

SHE KNOWS!!! The facial expressions 😂😂😂... you have to laugh

Anil and Pin have become more reckless the more comfortable they have become in their relationship... and that spells trouble ahead.

[telomeke]

4 MINUTES EPISODE 5 – FLASHBACKS, WATCHALONGS AND AN OMINOUS CULTURAL TOUCHPOINT

They're doing a great job with this show and I'm now a newly-minted fan of Director Ning Bhanbhassa Dhubthien, whose confident hand has been assuredly steering the proceedings in 4 Minutes. 🤩

Ep.5 has irrefutably confirmed that the 4 Minutes of the title really is a reference to the four-minute limbo after the heart stops beating (4 Minutes Sultrier Version Ep.5 timestamp 42:20).

So the layers are now being slowly peeled back and more was revealed to us, shedding flashes of light on the convoluted storyline. All is still not clear yet, but some ideas are starting to take shape.

OK, this is mostly guesswork but anyway–

It's quite firmly implanted in my mind now that we're seeing a lot of Great's four minutes of brain activity post cardiac arrest. But what's been percolating in my mind since the last episode is that that we might also be seeing Tyme's four-minute post-death flashback, especially since we also saw him getting shot in the opening sequence of Episode 1.

And so those scenes and sequences shown from Tyme's point of view may also be him re-living his own past experiences (concurrently with Great's?) even as his own heart has stopped.

This thought was triggered by Ep.4's revelation that people who find themselves in the Four-Minute Zone get to enter some sort of common waiting room, and they get to meet others in there too:

And the vibes I got watching this scene reminded me so much of Great and Tyme's conversation at their lakeside glamping in the trailer, which we got to see fully in Episode 5:

I don't think this is Great and Tyme on a romantic date in the real world. Serene, other-worldly and seemingly divorced from reality – this locale has them talking about how beautiful it all is, and Great even says "I wanna stay here forever" before admitting "But we probably can't."

It really looks like this is Great and Tyme finding each other in the four-minute post-death netherworld, with the art gallery meeting room switched up for a more romantic getaway instead (that Great got to choose). And with the clock ticking ominously down to 11:04...

There's also this little snippet from the trailer:

Tyme is locked out of a room, and he calls out for Great even as his surroundings are all sepia-toned and soft-focused.

I think this is 4 Minutes showing us that Tyme's four minutes will be up before Great's are, and Tyme will swept back to the real world – or away to another world – while Great is left behind. (Or maybe it's the other way around?)

Ominously, we are not shown Great's rapture and release from four-minute limbo – as much as I want a Happily Ever After for the two newest pretty boys who have won my heart, 4 Minutes is making no such promises. So I suppose we should prepare ourselves for the possibility that while Great (or Tyme) may well be waking up from a four-minute hiatus and returning to the world of the living at 11:04 – it's not a guarantee that the other will rejoin him there when his own four minutes tick down. 😬💔😭

‌

Anyway, I've refrained from commenting on the numeral 4 as a symbol of death, because this is more a thing in Chinese culture rather than Thai (and up until Ep.5 Thai-Chinese references were at most only faintly present in 4 Minutes).

Well that certainly changed, at 4 Minutes Sultrier Version Ep.5 timestamp 34:50:

The temple where Ep.1 accident victim Khun Manee goes to hire a hitman is unmistakably Chinese. The mafia don she engages with also speaks in Teochew Chinese (I think) at timestamp 36:25.

And so when her siam si/เซียมซี fortune stick shows up with the numeral 4, the link with death is all but confirmed (the word for death in many Chinese dialects like Hokkien, Teochew, Cantonese and Hakka sounds similar to the word for the numeral 4, although there are tonal differences). No surprises then, that the Chinese don tells Manee "Someone's probably going to die."

This had a Thai parallel in Ep.1, when the clock in Khun Manee's hospital room showed us it was thirteen minutes past 1 o'clock in the afternoon:

As portentous as this might appear to occidental minds, it's not just the Western superstition surrounding the number 13 that's threading darker undertones into the fabric of this scene.

In Thai culture (where belief in the supernatural abounds), the numeral 13 is also sometimes considered ill-omened because it looks rather like the Thai word for ghost – ผี – flipped onto its side, adding to the general sense of foreboding in Ep.1.

And for me, this was not meant to foreshadow all the deaths taking place in subsequent scenes and episodes, although it isn't inappropriate as a device.

We have been seeing ghosts in this series – Great, Lukwa, possibly Tyme, and whoever else who found themselves caught in the spectral dimension that exists between life and death in the universe of 4 Minutes.

‌And this may be just my fevered 4 Minutes obsessed brain overthinking things again, but in this light – the paired thirteen (13:13) is likely a reference to the ghostly half-lives of our protagonist couple Great and Tyme, getting to share a precious (final?) four minutes together in that twilight zone between the world of the living and the great beyond.

But it seems more than likely that they will be yanked apart when their four minutes are up. 😧 So will that separation be forever? I wait on tenterhooks to see.

P.S. Links to my own fan theory as to what it all might possibly mean:

And some more supporting information, embedded in the show:

‌

[bengiyo]

Hi, i'm a newish bl drama watcher from thailand that just started watching thai bls. i'm a bit ashamed to say that for a long time as a gay man living here i've been avoiding bl shows like the plague cuz of both the fandom reputation and of misconception from my yaoi era which i leave far behind. i'm just want to ask how did you got into watching thai bls and what were you preconception before you got into it.

Welcome to the Tumblr side of BL fandom. I'd actually like to also hear more of your experience with yaoi and BL as a gay person growing up in Thailand if you're willing to share.

For me, I'm a Black American from the Gulf Coast (the South). I grew up in a Catholic city and spent my entire adolescence in the closet. Despite having a sense of who I was as early as 8 years old, I kept most of that to myself. Because I didn't talk about it much with people, I found out most information about queer media and queerness from the internet.

I entered BL via queer cinema. I think the first explicitly gay character that I remember from TV was Marco from Degrassi: The Next Generation. There were probably others, and definitely more subtle expressions, but when I think about the oldest gay character I remember and connect to, it's Marco. I don't like counting things like shipping Shawn and Corey on Boy Meets World or Tai and Matt on Digimon for oldest gay characters. Sailor Moon can't even count because we got a censored version of it in America.

I got access to satellite television away from observing eyes around age 16 and started watching content on Logo back when they aired gay content regularly. I watched basically whatever I could late at night. It's how I saw movies like Get Real (1998), Beautiful Thing (1996), and Bent (1997). It's also how I saw Queer as Folk (2000-2005) Noah's Arc (2005-06).

After hitting adulthood I mostly got lost in video games and standard American TV for a while, but I did basically show up to any Gay Event in TV. I appreciate that Stef and Lena from The Fosters (2013-2018) were some of the only TV lesbians to survive the horror of 2016.

I watched a bunch of movies in this time, many of which appear on the Queer Cinema Syllabus I made for a hypothetical Westerner new to BL and queer cinema, which @wen-kexing-apologist has decided to try to complete.

I got into Thai BL in 2018 accidentally. I started seeing gifsets of Kongpob telling Arthit he'll make him his wife passing around Tumblr and was basically like, "Right, what's all this then?"

I had watched a few Thai gay films, mostly notably Love of Siam (2007), Bangkok Love Story (2007), How to Win at Checkers Every Time (2015), and The Blue Hour (2015), but this was the first time I was seeing a long series made available so easily from any Asian country.

From there I got into Make It Right (2016-17) and Love Sick the series (2014). Once I realized that yaoi had moved beyond manga and a few anime adaptations, I went looking for a lot more. I basically haven't left since I started in about 2016 with SOTUS.

There's my basic entry into the genre. I don't think I was as worried about fandom and worries at the time because so much of being a fan of queer cinema was a mostly-private experience for me for so long. I didn't realize that BL fans active in the space would predominantly be women or queers figuring themselves out. It took a while to adjust to that, and also to adjust my expectations of the kinds of queer stories BL distributors were willing to fund.

That being said, I tend to agree with @absolutebl that BL has a useful role in normalization for non-queer audiences who encounter it. I like cheering BL when it does things I think work really well, and also deriding it when I think it does things that are offensive to help nudge the genre and offer my perspective as a gay man.

I like the place we're at right now where there's way too much to watch for any person with other hobbies and responsibilities because it means that people can pick and choose what's to their tastes.

More often than not, I'm probably most-invested in something airing from Japan because of my melancholy nature, but there's so much variety these days that it's okay if you don't like everything. I certainly don't!

I'm glad you joined us on Tumblr and look forward to your thoughts!

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Rose's Day of Asks

Who were some of your favourite overall performances in terms of physical acting? Hands, face, body, whatever you prefer.

Have a great Day💜

 Hmm this is is a really hard question to- 

Billkin in I Told Sunset About You

Billkin as Teh is one of my favorite physical performances, not just in BL but of all time. I said this in The Conversation episode where we talked about I Told Sunset About You but for a boy that does not say much, Teh is incredibly loud as a character. The way he sits up, the way his face falls, the way he always circles, the grandiose and the miniscule ways that his body reflects his emotions. Do not get me wrong, PP is gorgeous and devastating in his role as Oh, but Billkin has a very very difficult character to contend with and to embody and from the posture, to the motion, the anger, the tears, the jealousy, the joy. He is constantly, constantly moving: tapping his fingers, shaking his leg, pacing, peeking, there is no way Teh is not an exhausting role to play, and he absolutely nailed it.  

[the rest of these are in no particular order, but there are so many, you really need to limit me to like..five cause I can’t do that on my own.]

Nike Nitidon in 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us 

Nike as Inthawut is an understated physical performance that I really enjoyed, Inthawut as a character is incredibly self-isolating, distrusting, shameful, and Nike carries that character very stiffly, squared shoulders, rimrod back, but he still moves with such grace to him. I watched all of 180 Degrees just thinking “he’s moving like a dancer” the entire time. Which is such a fascinating way to exist in a story where Inthawut and Sasiwimol as characters are engaging in a sort of social dance around each other and around Wang as they attempt to deflect questions about Siam. 

Hagiwara Riku in My Beautiful Man: Eternal 

Hagiwara is incredible generally but I really want to highlight his performance in My Beautiful Man: Eternal which has one of my favorite acting moments of BL. That is his performance when he is rescuing Kiyoi from Anna’s stalker. He moves so swiftly, so gracefully on a dime between threatening and violent, to soft and loving in his body and in his voice and in the shimmer in his eyes. Is it a surprise that he was able to pull that off? No, he showed such incredible range in his physical performance in the original season jumping between the timid, awkward, pushover to the loud, aggressive to the point of needing three people to hold him down, when he is defending Kiyoi, but it was truly so fun to watch him turn it on and off at any time. 

Also just an additional shout out to Yasei Yugei, specifically for the scene in Utsukushii Kare 2 when Hira tells him he doesn’t love him. The way his face fell? Incredible. 

Hasegawa Makoto in Koi wo Suru nara Nidome ga Joto

I wouldn’t say Hasegawa as Miyata is overall my favorite physical performer, however he had one of my favorite face changes of all time in the episode 4 sex scene. The way he sets his lips, the challenging look in his eyes, it was such an incredibly impressive shift in Miyata who has until that point been rather annoyed, bitchy, or awkward. 

Tod and Boy in Ghost Host, Ghost House

Again, I wouldn’t say they have one of my favorite physical performances overall BUT Tod and Boy in Ghost Host, Ghost House had one of my favorite physicality moments of all time with their sex scene in Episode 4. More accurately with the build up to their first time. Kevin in his shorty little short shorts knowing exactly what he was doing. I can’t even describe the whole thing or what exactly it was about the scene that really did me in but you can absolutely feel the desire, the tension through the screen, and that is in huge part due to the physical performance of both of those actors. Pluem covering his mouth, trying to look away, ugh, exquisite. 

Nishijima and Uchino in Kinou Nani Tabeta? 

I think the hardest thing for me to appreciate with a lot of the Japanese actors is that I haven’t watched a ton of Japanese media so I rarely see the actors cross over between shows or genres and that makes it hard for me to understand just how talented they are at embodying their characters. But oh my god, these two, they are just. Their hug at the end of season one is one of my favorite moments of all time, it makes me so emotional. The full body panic that washed over Shiro’s body when Kenji turned to leave in the first ever episode of What Did You Eat Yesterday? Kenji’s face during the “I know you’re hurting” line, the increasingly frequent smile from Shiro in season 2. Just AHHHH they are both such good physical performers. 

Louis Chiang, Hsu Kai, and Takeda Kuohei in Kiseki: Dear to Me & Old Fashion Cupcake (respectively)

Louis and Hsu gave me the same physical acting moment in Kiseki that I loved in Old Fashioned Cupcake which is the body responding to something differently than the brain is, especially in something as physically demanding and choreographed as a kissing scene. All three of them did such phenomenal jobs in their respective scenes with Ai Di looking so fucking confused when Chen Yi kisses him, and actually kissing back for a split second before biting him, Fan Ze Rui kissing Bai Zhong Yi back while trying to push him away and then immediately giving up, and Nozue fully doing calculus in his head while still kissing Togawa back. I appreciate actors so much because I could never oh my god. 

Milk and View in 23.5 Degrees

I gotta get some ladies on here and who better than the loves of my life Milk and View. Milk I just want to commend how variable her performance is between 23.5 and Bad Buddy. I am so so here for all the rolling, flailing, fainting, screaming. She’s doing such an incredible job in what I am sure is a very physically taxing role. 

View going on the complete opposite end of the spectrum with a very stiff character with a very flat affect. I love everything about Aylin, and I especially love those little moments of emotion that do break through. The small smile Aylin gets, the crying breakdown she has on the basketball court, the delay before she too runs all gangly and awkward to the door to greet their friends. Stiffness feels like a hard thing to embody without it feeling like bad acting, because I think a lot of what I see of bad acting comes from people who are too stiff, for completely non-character related reasons. 

MOTHERFUCKING BARCODE TINNASIT IN DEAD FRIEND FOREVER

This kid. Was. SO. CREEPY. I am so proud of him! When I first saw Barcode on screen in this show, I thought they picked him for the role of Non because he was the sweet, baby-faced little boy you remember from KinnPorsche and thus would garner sympathy. But no. 

NOPE. 

I WAS WRONG. 

It is because BARCODE IS A FUCKING POWERHOUSE at 18 years old. The laughter, the smiles, the absolutely deranged behavior. The breakdowns. This kid. Holyyyyyyyyyy shit. 

__

In truth there are so so so so so many moments, performances, actors that are just absolutely incredible and worthy of praise, and the nice thing is that even small moments can make huge impacts on me, on an audience as a whole. Sometimes it’s not just the physicality of the actors that really makes the performance, it’s the anatomy of the scene, it’s choreography, it’s lighting, it’s sound. The silence in Our Dining Table, Episode 8 when Yutaka reaches back for the briefest of moments. The editing of the masturbation scene in I Feel You Linger in the Air cutting between Jom’s hands on Yai’s back and Jom’s hands on his own body. Han Baram’s sad, sad little face and his sad sad little song and the way he and Im Han Tae cuddle even when they are platonic in Sing My Crush. Sam Lin + Alcohol in We Best Love. Like ugh there’s just so many beautiful physical moments out there. 

Additional Shout Outs: 

First Kanaphan, Mark Pakin, Fourth, Ohm, Singto: all of these boys are so impressive in their physical acting in so many ways. First as Yok and First as Akk was almost completely unrecognizable to me when I first saw them. First is an incredible physical actor, and I wish that GMMTV would actually let him maintain complex characteristics rather than turning him in to the weepy boy every time. But from a physical acting standpoint, he’s incredible. Mark Pakin truly is GMMTV’s six man: he was on The Warp Effect, Moonlight Chicken, and My School President which all aired at the same time, with him playing three very different characters. It was such a treat to see Fourth and Gemini back to back in MSP and MLC as well, but the happy bouncy puppy dog that was Gun compared to the jaded, angry young adult that was Li Ming was just marvelous to behold, I swear to god I saw a storm cloud pass over that kid’s brow at one point during MLC. Ohm because of course. Singto because that dude is able to convey so much by moving so little of his face, it’s truly astounding. 

James Supamakong in Bed Friend, Episode 4

This is honestly more from a vocal perspective but the way he fucking screamed and cried in both attempted rape scenes haunts me to this day. 

The cast of Ossan’s Love Returns, but especially all of the fight scenes between Hayashi Kento (Maki) and Yoshida Kotero (Kurosawa), they were so fun to watch, especially because they are supposed to present as such put together characters, and the sustained fight scene in Episode 6 was fucking hysterical. 

Non-BL mentions: 

Toby Stephens and his voice acting in Black Sails

Matthew McFayden and the hand flex in Pride and Prejudice 

Kalki Koechil and physically portraying cerebral palsy as an able bodied actress in Margarita With a Straw (you can check out my write up for my thoughts on the ethical component of that though)

The fencing scene from The Court Jester

I have never watched the movie, but Christopher Reeve’s Clark Kent to Superman transition

Sense8. All of it. 

I haven’t even seen it, but Orphan Black

What are some of yours?

[waitmyturtles]

SOME GOOD SHOWS THAT I LIKED IN 2023! (AND SOME THAT I DIDN'T)

I watched A LOT of stuff that did not originally air in 2023 by dint of my Old GMMTV Challenge. This list is inclusive of this recognition!

THE BEST SHOW I WATCHED THIS YEAR: HE'S COMING TO ME

I have no other words: this is my favorite Thai BL of all time. Perfect length, perfect plot, perfect celebration of Thai culture, perfect acting, the greatest coming out scene of all time, the BEST of the best BL moms. Perfection.

THE OTHER BEST SHOW I WATCHED THIS YEAR: BAD BUDDY

I don't even want to think about how many words I've written on Bad Buddy this year, but they're well deserved for this REMARKABLE show. I've got a thing for shows by Aof Noppharnach that feature Ohm Pawat, what can I say!

THE MOST INFLUENTIAL SHOW(S) I WATCHED THIS YEAR: LOVE SICK AND SOTUS

The influence of Love Sick and SOTUS can be seen in SO MANY Thai BLs, even through today. Without having watched these two shows to start my OGMMTVC project, I wouldn't have the context for what later shows like Bad Buddy and Theory of Love were commenting on by way of their content and structures. Love Sick in particular was a HELL of a lift -- but I am damn glad I watched it, and I certainly feel nostalgia for it today.

Honorable mentions of influential pieces that had impacts on Thai BLs: Love of Siam and Dew the Movie

MY OTHER FAVORITE OLD SHOWS I WATCHED: UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN AND THEORY OF LOVE

BANGERS!!!

If New Siwaj ever tops Until We Meet Again, I'll fly to Bangkok and give him a gold medal. That long-ass show, 17 EPISODES, I WANTED MORE! OhmFluke's chemistry was great, the story delved SO deeply into historical homophobia and how culture and acceptance changes over time -- scrumptious. Theory of Love, man, the way this show ate up implicit compassion bias and gave it right back to us. I loved it. KHAI FOREVER!

THE BEST SHOW I WATCHED THAT ACTUALLY AIRED IN 2023: MOONLIGHT CHICKEN

Not only was Moonlight Chicken my first real live fandom experience on Tumblr, it was a hell of an amazing show, incorporating so much of what I love particularly about Thai BLs, and how many Thai BLs do not shy away from celebrating Asian cultural touchpoints. From exploring Jim's internalized homophobia by way of his rural upbringing, to juxtaposing Pattaya's spiritual symbols with growing development that upends older strains of local culture, Moonlight Chicken offered a lovely commentary on what it means to be queer in an ever-changing Thailand.

THE OTHER BEST SHOW I WATCHED THAT ACTUALLY AIRED IN 2023: WHAT DID YOU EAT YESTERDAY?/KINOU NANI TABETA? SEASON 2

BRILLIANTLY ACTED by literally the best actors in the Asian BL game: we are blessed that Nishijima Hidetoshi and Uchino Seiyou have given so much to this franchise. It's hard to write about this show because it's so perfect -- it needs no extraneous words. Plot, pacing, acting, character development, gratuitous food shots. It has it all.

THE OTHER OTHER BEST SHOW I WATCHED THAT ACTUALLY AIRED IN 2023: I CANNOT REACH YOU

Just like Bad Buddy looked at Thai BL tropes in the eye and said, "over my Nong Nao," I Cannot Reach You asked Japanese BLs about the efficacy of almost every trope we've gotten used to, and questioned them with efficiency. The biggest shocker for me? REAL COMMUNICATION, encouraged by the CIPHER, Hosaka, that allowed the two lead protagonists to confirm their love and understand each other. It was straightforward and FUCKING GOOD.

A SHOW THAT AIRED IN 2023 THAT I HAVEN'T WRITTEN ABOUT YET, THAT I NEED TO REWATCH IN CHRONOLOGY, THAT ALSO DID SOME TROPE/GENRE ASS-KICKING THAT I'M STILL THINKING ABOUT: LA PLUIE

La Pluie was FEARLESS. The show had a LOT to say about romance and soulmates not being as much of a realistic thing as content-makers... and, frankly, majority society would like us to think. La Pluie made its characters WORK for love and understanding, and had us viewers face our implicit biases about how romantic content should and could work. I watched this show out of order of the OGMMTVC watchlist to see it it was one of the best of the year, and it certainly is. I'm planning a deep rewatch for early 2024 to pen my words on it.

A SHOW THAT ALMOST TOPPED MY 2023 LIST BUT GOT DOCKED BECAUSE I ENDED UP LIKING THE NOVEL A LOT BETTER: I FEEL YOU LINGER IN THE AIR

@neuroticbookworm and @lurkingshan know that I flipped THA FUCK out over this show -- FABULOUSLY acted by Nonkul Chanon and Bright Rapheephong, FABULOUS cinematography, great story up until the end of the series. My fangirling led me to read the original novel by Violet Rain, and -- I found out that Jom was a lot more damn sassy than we got in the show! Tee Bundit's penchant for sadness won. This is not to dock the show, but the novel had more than enough material to carry the series through without repeating themes in the end. So it fell on my 2023 list, womp womp. BUT I STILL LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS SHOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG.

TWO SHOWS THAT I'M SUPER GLAD I CAUGHT UP WITH WHILE THEY WERE AIRING: THE EIGHTH SENSE AND BE MY FAVORITE

Be My Favorite looked at Krist Perawat's checkered past as a BL idol and said: we are going to examine this and make an honest BL out of inspiration from it. It wasn't a perfect show, the time travel shit didn't end up adding up in the end, BUT -- excellent acting from two GMMTV VETS made up for those tangles, and I loved the contextual philosophical references throughout the series. The Eighth Sense looked at the tug-of-war that Korean BLs have with K-dramas and their tropes and said, actually? We will have these dudes full-frontal kiss, and placed that energy against commentaries on mental health, both topics that Korea hasn't quite embraced as quickly as other countries.

HONORABLE MENTIONS OF OTHER AWESOME SHOWS THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE AIRED IN 2023

Make It Right, Our Dating Sim, Dark Blue Kiss, Gay OK Bangkok, Dirty Laundry, 10 Years Ticket, I Told Sunset About You, I Promised You the Moon, 3 Will Be Free, Lovely Writer (underrated?!), Our Skyy 2 x Bad Buddy x A Tale of Thousand Stars (UNDERRATED!), and Manner of Death.

And the shows that are airing that I know will stay with me well into 2024: Last Twilight and Cherry Magic Thailand.

I had fun!

WHAT ELSE, WHAT ELSE: THE "NO" SHOWS: THE PROMISE AND STEP BY STEP

I'm not even hyperlinking my thoughts on these shows, nor gifting them with gifs. Insert Bugs Bunny NOOOOOO gif here! We got Man Trisanu, though.

THE SHOW I WAS THE MOST OBVIOUSLY DISAPPOINTED BY: ONLY FRIENDS

Despite my passionate disappointment for this show and how it ended: in the context of the OGMMTVC, Only Friends is still an incredibly important inclusion to the list. Some amazing Tumblr bloggers offered commentary that the bias against sex that OF contained within the show was actually importantly and culturally contextual to the still-conservative state of acceptance that Thailand is currently in (here and here for more reading).

Only Friends reminded us that despite any kind of marketing that we here on Tumblr, as a majority non-Thai audience, may receive about a Thai show -- that we are still not fully plugged into the non-verbal expectations of what a show like OF could promise to do, and to be okay when it doesn't reach those heights. In light of the seemingly pro-sex marketing blasts that previewed the series before its airing, OF ultimately seemed to want to take casual sex, chew it up, and spit it out. There might be reasons why that happened that we just don't know about as outsiders to Thailand. But as an Asian-American viewer that was hoping for neutral -- and maybe even supportive -- commentary on single folks having casual sex without judgement, OF did not deliver for me.

I'm ending the year reading Dr. Thomas Baudinette's book, Boys Love Media in Thailand, the first book-length ethnographic study on the impact of BL on queerness, media, and more in Thailand and across Asia. Baudinette comes from the world of Japanese queer media studies -- as someone who came to Thai BLs this year from Japanese BLs, I appreciate his trajectory. It's clearly a necessity for me to read this book in the context of the OGMMTVC, to understand how Thai BLs have changed over time, and to understand the incredibly larger impact of heterosexual/heteronormative media and themes on Thai media as a whole, as larger and larger swaths of Thai, Asian, and international societies welcome and watch BLs with open arms.

All of this feeds into my ever-growing body of knowledge about the impact of Thai BLs, both in Thailand and across Asia, as Baudinette writes about, and how these shows have and are developed/developing over time. It's been an AMAZING YEAR of watching old and new dramas for me, and I'm looking forward to seeing how the genre grows even more in 2024.

I also made AMAZING FRIENDS on Tumblr -- y'all know who you are! What a year of growth and discovery for me: this has been a fabulous experience, and I'm looking forward to even more growth in the new year!

[absolutebl]

Hi! apologies if you've answered this before, but can you recommend some bls that deal with homophobia, be it internalised or external? or more generally, bls that are not set in the bl bubble where gayness is 100% accepted?

Thank you very much <3

Ooo, sure thing!

BL's Not Set in The Bubble

BLs that deal with homophobia (internal or external) and rough coming out sequences

Began Beginning from Myanmar is all about this. It's not a BL I would necessarily recommend but it is interesting for many reasons. Both leads are dealing with massive internalize homophobia, among other issues.

Similarly: Like in the Movies and Tie the Not from the Philippines.

And Goodbye Mother and Nation's Brother from Vietnam.

From Thailand

To Sir, With Love - witnessing his family's massive homophobia that results in major tragedy as a child is what drives our main character's whole personality and self hatred. Massive trigger warning.

Until We Meet Again - the pair in the past, of course, it's the driving trauma of the relationship reincarnated. Massive trigger warning.

I Feel You Linger In the Air - fear of being caught is a through line in this drama.

More modern set stuff:

City of Stars deals with having to leave the closet as a super star. So does Close Friend Season 2 a little. The OhmFluke pair also deals with coming out to parents. Love Stage!! (Thailands version) contains one couple that chooses to remain closeted for the good of a career and another that risks it.

Moonlight Chicken - mostly about self hatred and difficulty in being out, to the point where his young nephew challenges him on it and provides a foil.

Also, ya know, TharnType and Why R U. Both have self hated and challenging coming outs because of trauma and daddy issues.

Dark Blue Kiss - Kao is terrified of being outed and it's used to blackmail him.

Similarly although he is out of Ae, Pete is being abused and blackmailed because he is gay in Love By Chance. Also Ae doesn't manage to come out... yet.

I Told Sunset About You - of course.

My Gear and Your Gown final episodes contain homophobic (or are they?) parents.

Second Chance heavily implies that there is something going on with Paper's inability to accept Fah.

Similarly Gene accepting Sib in Lovely Writer.

I'm pretty sure there's a ton of homophobia at the back end of My Tee, but honestly it's been years sicne I watched that mess.

Charming little pulp 21 Day Theory deals with quite a bti of this, but our main character has a lovely gay uncle to guide the way.

"Punch the homophobe" my favorite trope of all time, happens in Oxygen. But otherwise they neatly circumvent the patriarchs objection by defacto adopting a child to inherit.

TonhonChonlatee is all about one characters inability to acept his own queerness as encouraged by his homophobic family and various other evil characters.

My Only 12% actively tackles and calls out cultural homophobia and damaging misrepresentations.

"Why does everyone think that both of them are strange? If it's not wrong, why does everyone hurt?"

The show he's talking about is Thailand's first proto-BL, love of Siam and it is about an inability to come out.

From Japan

Life: Love on the Line - it's parental disgust and personal self hatred and paranoia that breaks them up (they get back together but he as to get over it)

Similarly His - is a kind of reunion romance after self-homophobia drove one half of the pair to marry someone else.

Actually the original series with the same characters, His the series, also deals with self acceptance around gayness, and it's subtle (Japan) but it's pretty clear one of them was kicked out of/ or left his previous school because he got outed. (Light on Me references a similar situation, but it's ultra subtle.)

If It's With You also kinda falls into this category. Not sure these can be called "dealing with" it tho, more side stepping and alluding to it.

Tokyo in April is - yeah it's kinda the whole thing from one half of this pair

What Did You Eat Yesterday also has a coming out to the parents thread throughout, and a coming out at work thing, but it's not really the point of the show.

From Korea

Most Korean BL are gonna be out. The specialize in the bubble. Although a case could be made for Love For Love's Sake and Love Class. And, see comment, Jazz for Two.

One noted exception is Just Friends which is a short piece about coming out to mom while on leave from the military. This is one of Korea's earliest BL pieces and not strictly BL, but it's fascinating in that neither theme (military nor coming out) would reall be reused again.

From Taiwan

My Tooth Your Love - has a kinda different take and we aren't sure, as viewers whether it's because he's gay or because he's not doing what the Patriarch wishes. But trigger warning for [physical abuse.

DNA Says Love You deals with this and other forms of queerphobia during the later half. Slow start but I do love this show.

Faded is a propaganda piece (pro marriage equality) which is all about coming out to a parent.

In H4CTY Xing Si (of the side couple) is having a hard time coming out but that's complied by the fact that he's fucking his stepbrother, it's a mess, bit I enjoy them - v problematic couple tho.

Papa & Daddy actually has a coming out sequence (GASP!) where the parents don't take it well as does Love is Science? (sides) - but the later is mostly because disaster bi is also baby daddy.

Red Balloon, of course, and it's sibling movie Your Name Engraved Herein are kinda all about self loathing and suffering because of gayness and lack of acceptance.

Unknown is certainly tackling some of this.

In which I talk about some of my favorite coming out sequences:

He's Coming to Me has my favorite series of coming out sequences to both friends and mother.

A few more that I really don't like (Promise) and probably Together With Me should be here, but I willfully can't remember them.

(source)

[lurkingshan]

Intergenerational Trauma Challenge - 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us

It’s winter and I’m huddled up in my house hiding from the cold weather, so obviously this is the perfect time to tackle another entry on the intergenerational family trauma challenge list. This week I finally watched 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us, a Thai drama about Wang, a young man just coming of age who is desperately seeking answers about his father’s death; Sasiwimol, Wang’s very complicated mother who does not want to dig up the past; Inthawut, his father’s best friend who has been hiding from it for years; and Siam, the black hole at the center of this story.

Before I dig into the trauma themes, let me just say that this show is excellent, if not for everyone. It has a very intentional style that makes it feel like a stage play—the writer is a playwright—and it’s basically eight episodes of very intense conversations. It’s not a romance and there’s an intellectualism in the writing that I found kept me at an emotional remove from the characters even as I marveled at how well crafted the dialogue is. And the dialogue is very important, which is why the translation of this drama is much stronger than we typically get from Thai productions—the words matter. It’s also loaded with visual metaphors and is all around beautiful to look at, and the three main performers are fantastic. I highly recommend it to anyone who likes theater, stories about complicated families, or beautiful and talented actors showing their work. And more than anything else, this show does incredibly strong thematic work and its messaging is on point: this is a story about how noble idiocy ruins lives.   

So, with that said, onto the trauma! Spoilers ahead, and I am assuming anyone reading past this point has watched the show. Some themes you’ll see in this one: taboo, denial of queer identity, homophobia, filial piety, and lots of emotional manipulation. Shoutout to @bengiyo and @twig-tea for reading this to make sure I didn’t miss anything in this complex story.

There are two main sources of intergenerational trauma radiating down toward Wang: the absence of his father, Siam, and his intense relationship with his mercurial mother, Sasiwimol. The story is structured around Wang’s determination to seek answers about Siam—both who he was and how he died. He has grown up knowing a certain story: that his parents met and fell in love in college but divorced when he was young, that his father loved him very much despite not staying with his mother, and that his father was an alcoholic who died in a drunk driving accident. Shortly after his father’s death, his mom put him in boarding school so she could focus on her career and became a weekend parent to him—as she was not around to structure his day to day life, their relationship became more about her taking him on fun adventures and spoiling him when she had time off, treating each other as best friends instead of like a mother and son, and never talking about Siam. He has always suspected there was more to the story of his parents that he was not being told, and as he has grown up, come into his own queerness, and picked up on his mother’s casual homophobia and obsessive devotion to compulsory heteronormativity, his suspicions about the secret his mom was holding became sharper. 

Enter Inthawut. Inthawut was Siam’s best friend, and with nothing to go on but a set of old pictures, Wang has an instinctual certainty that he is the key to the secret he’s seeking. And thus he engineers a way for he and his mom to “coincidentally” stumble onto Inthawut’s property and get invited to stay a few days in his isolated home, at which point Wang begins his campaign to figure out what the hell happened between Siam, Sasiwimol, and Inthawut at any cost.

One of the things I find most interesting about this story is how much the plot hinges on Wang going against Asian cultural norms in his pursuit of the truth. He is not respectful to his elders. He does not maintain filial piety and deference to his mother. He refuses to restrain his emotions. Instead, he is pushy and relentless and emotionally manipulative (all tricks we can plainly see he learned from Sasiwimol) and Inthawut doesn’t stand a chance against him. And so, because Wang explicitly acts against these cultural values, the truth comes out and the trauma is no longer suppressed. 

And in the end, it’s a simple, if desperately sad story: Siam and Inthawut were in love, but Inthawut was battling internalized homophobia and deep-seeded fear and so he relentlessly pushed Siam away and toward dating and then marrying their friend Sasiwimol. And when Siam, miserable in this heterosexual relationship he never actually wanted, finally snapped and confessed his true feelings, Inthawut rejected him and ran away to study abroad. Inthawut was running due to his own fear, but he also had noble notions of somehow protecting Siam from his own queerness and told himself that if he was gone, Siam would accept his heterosexual life. Of course, that did not happen, and in the fallout of this rejection Siam sank further into alcoholism and died soon after. Inthawut’s reaction was the exact worst fear of all gay people who work up the courage to confess to a friend they have developed feelings for: outright rejection, abandonment, and destruction of the relationship. And in his mind, he did this to Siam “for his own good,” a fairly textbook execution of the noble idiocy trope. In the aftermath, we see how Inthawut has isolated himself, part in penance, part in self-protection, and intellectualized his way to a romantic construction of his own cowardice that he tries to convince Wang is righteous.

But Wang is deeply affected by how the denial of his father’s queerness ruined his life and is absolutely not having any of Inthawut’s self-denying bullshit, and this is where things get messy, as both Wang and Inthuwat seem to start seeing Wang and Siam as interchangeable and they develop an emotional entanglement that is deeply unhealthy, to say the least. Wang wants to understand Siam so badly that he starts to be him, and Inthuwat is so desperate to address his regret and shame that he starts to see Wang as Siam, as well. Wang also uses this attachment as a way to shock his mother and forcefully bring her real feelings about Siam and Inthawut to the surface. Despite Wang’s many loud protestations to the contrary, I don’t believe that he and Inthawut actually love each other. They are using each other to work out their trauma about Siam.

And they’re not the only ones! Sasiwimol seems to have her own psychological confusion about Wang as he relates to Siam, and their dynamic is very strange as a result. She refers to Wang as dua-eeng (and has taught him to do the same with her rather than calling her “mom”), a Thai endearment that literally means “self” but is often used between lovers. They have a very physically affectionate relationship that often had me grimacing in discomfort, and she clearly sees Wang as both a source of pain—because he is so like Siam—and her one source of comfort and happiness. She is a successful woman by any standard, but she’s also desperately lonely, hanging on tight to Wang as her only companion in a way that often veers into overbearing, and deeply wounded by her past with Siam and Inthawut. It was through her own friendship with Inthawut that she pursued Siam in the first place, and she clearly feels betrayed not only by Siam, but by Inthawut, both for getting in the way of her relationship with Siam and for leaving them. Her feelings about both men are complex and the story never fully spells them out, in part because Sasiwimol never does. Determinedly not thinking about what happened between them is a big part of how she copes, along with sublimating her suspicions into homophobia, which she perpetuates quite intentionally in her work via production of heterosexual romance propaganda.

Wang clearly loves his mother even as he is frustrated by her prejudices, her desire to control him, and her tendency toward emotional manipulation. He is a perceptive kid and he has studied her closely; he understands her very well and can often predict exactly how she’ll react to a situation. Which is why his decision to announce baldly to her face that he is in love with Inthawut—not only coming out as gay but declaring his intention to move out of her home and in with a man 20+ years his senior who is deeply entangled with her own trauma—felt very intentional to me. He knew what kind of reaction that would get from her, and he wanted it. And sure enough, Sasiwimol crumbles at this repetition of her trauma and the perceived disloyalty of Wang choosing Inthawut over her just as his father did. The rest of the emotion she’d been holding back comes pouring out, resulting in the three of them finally airing out everything that lies between them and everything they are feeling about the Siam-shaped hole in their lives. And once she breaks down, Wang is able to forgive her for the grievance she’s caused him and ultimately decides to remain filial and continue living with her, because he does not actually want to punish his mother for what happened to his father. 

So, in the end, where did the story leave us with all this trauma? I can’t really say that any of these characters have healed, but I do think Wang kick-started that process, at least for himself. He got what he needed most out of this little scheme: deeper understanding of who his father was and why his life took such a drastic turn. He remains caught in the dysfunctional dynamic with his mother, and I’m not sure he’ll ever fully break out of it, but at least there is more honesty between them now about what they’re dancing around. She now knows he is gay and she has to accept it to keep him with her, and given that he has backed off from asking her to accept something much scarier than that, I do think she will find a way to make her peace with it. Inthawut is the character who seems to have progressed the least, standing firmly in his stasis and remaining determinedly alone with his pain, though the show leaves us with a note of ambiguity that suggests he may someday find the courage to move on.

The messages of this work are clear. Internalized homophobia and denial of your own queerness are poison for your soul. Rejecting a loved one “for their own good” is an act of cowardice and selfishness, not an act of love. Hiding from and sublimating your trauma will never allow you to heal. Refusing to process your pain will only lead to you pushing it down on the next generation. Ultimately, this story told us that bravely looking ourselves and our trauma in the face and confronting our truths head on is the only way to begin to heal, and that running from them only leads to ruin.