#shrooms are weird like that lmao

[minotaurfemme]

one thing about shrooms that i didnt expect was that it'd make me pagan lmfao

[dutybcrne]

I love the idea of Tighnari being like Maomao in that he tested all sorts of weird shit on himself while growing up and even in the present, and wound up with a poison immunity/resistance bc of it.

[snekdood]

so august 2018 is when my peak being-crazy-made art craziness happened, huh

[stickandthorn]

Watching Neon Genesis Evangelion for the first time, and I would genuinely bet money that someone important on the creative team has done some fucking crazy shroom trips before. Not even joking, this isn’t a “lmao that slightly surreal piece of art was so crazy they must’ve been on drugs when they made it” thing, like genuinely, a lot of the intense mental deep delve Eva sequences are exactly like a really fucked up high dose shroom trip. The thought loops. The weird time. The ego death. The visuals. The really weird form of self reflection but at the same time forgetting who you are and trying to find key pieces to get back to it. Literally everything. I am betting genuine dollar bills right here. Some motherfucker has done 5+ mg and made a show about it.

[nikatyler]

Zeph 1.0

can't believe that yesterday i was like eh i'm not sure about that armor, it looks so good on them

(x)

oooh a pretty evil lady!

(x)

same girl, same, about everything that has ever happened to me

(x)

it's been 84 years (more like 16 hours) but i'm finally opening bg3 again ✨

i think i'll do some more goblin camp shenanigans today if possible 👀

ohhh right. essentially i've already murdered like half the goblin camp so now the other half of the camp is trying to murder me, huh?

Me: "ah yes I'm far enough" *the explosion hits Zeph and Zeph dies* *reloads* "ah yes now I'm definitely far enough" *the explosion hits Zeph again and Zeph dies again*

"yeah we've got this" *the entire party dies*

Fucking gnolls man

yeah it's been a long bloody day

HELLO SAY THAT AGAIN

hUH

jesus christ this man is h🫣rny

Okay so I'll go watch a baking show with my mum in a bit and then we're going back and doing da thing 😏

Sorry for not giving updates if you were looking forward to them, anyway a little thing I love is how everyone sleeps on their back. I do that and apparently that's weird to everyone around me? 😂🤨

I will literally be in my bed like 🧍‍♂️

(x)

newest development in my bg3-rotten brain

did i mention this game is doing things to me because it is doing things to me

(x)

Anywayyyy you know what time it is 😌

I may have just spent an hour organizing everyone's inventories and figuring out who gets what armor and all but we're good to go now I think

Explosive shrooms, yay 🤩

(x)

I'm 💀💀💀 I need to go to bed lmao

Okay so basically what happened um. I don't know how but it did. So I wanted to help Astarion. But I clicked the wrong thing. And I pushed him off the boat. And he died.

I RELOADED BUT HOW DID I EVEN DO THAT 😭😭

If there's one thing about me it's that I'll accidentally murder my favourite vampires

(x)

I love Zeph so much they're so prettyyyyyy

Kinda wanna make a modern day version of them in ts4 and have them interact with my other characters. They'd fit right in

(x)

hole hehe. hole

(x)

my bi ass is having a bit of a dilemma rn

(x)

gay gay gay they're in love your honor

HELL YEAH KISS

(x)

Raw footage of me during my latest combat

I was actually so stressed dude 😭 thankfully we made it through but ahhhhh

Does anyone else apologize to the characters when they get hurt? Like sorry lil guy in my computer I'm sorry I'm putting you through this I promise you'll make it out I PROMISE ah fuck you're getting hit again oh no sorry sorry ahhhh

So uh. The adamantine forge fight huh. 🙂

(x)

Granted it doesn't count ts4 correctly rn probably because I haven't updated yet but…yeah 😅😅

(also I have way more hours on ts4 actually, this is just since Jan 2023, I played through Origin/EA app before and then switched to Steam for reasons)

(x)

my fucking thoughts exactly, i hate this battle 😭😭 on a real note i relate to him so much when he's whining DUDE WE LIVE

i should've known he wouldn't take that as a good thing lmaoooooo dude creases when you smile is the biggest compliment smh

FREN!!!

(x)

oops

(x)

I'm sorry what

(x)

pwettyyyyy

(x)

I'm sensing that I may have messed up real bad in Last Light Inn yesterday...ooops

I should've reloaded to see if things could turn out differently but I've done a lot afterwards, idk if I wanna go back now 😂 No spoilers pls, that's something for me to figure out in my next playthrough

"ooops" people DIED 💀 people i had previously saved died 💀

(x)

You're never gonna believe who I murdered again

(x)

I'm fucking crying I need you to resurrect him you moron stop shaming Zeph for having a sex life Update we are so back lads

(x)

Funny how fast I went from "I think Zeph is mostly good, they just want to get rid of the parasite and help people along the way" to "actually fuck it darling you're so right some power would be nice"

(x)

Crying laughing sending this to my sibling who's in art school. On point

(x)

"eh we'll be fine i don't need bonuses" *rolls 1*

(x)

daddy Ketheric omg💀💀

(x)

uh anyway

(x)

this is the best they are the best 🥹

(x)

Don't be upset, I will reload, just don't be upset with me pleaseeee 😭

The "please a videogame vampire at all costs" disease is real I'm afraid

(x)

Uh oh it's almost 3am, tomorrow will be an eepy day, well it's worth it

(x)

I'm so close to having a funny number of hours played 🤭

(x)

Killed the workout, now let's kill this guy that I struggled with for half an hour. Almost killed my whole party in the process so I quit and decided to kill my legs instead 😂

(x)

[torihakaraublog]

Obey Me! Nightbringer "Happy ⭐️ Holidays!" Pop Quiz pt.1

!SPOILER WARNING FOR THE EVENT!

My thoughts on part one of the 2023 Christmas holiday event.

Okay so first off I have to talk about the sprite outfits. They are split into 2 types; Santa's (??) (The brothers) and reindeer (everyone else). Personally I think all the 'Santa' ones are kinda meh, prob cause some of the brothers colours are not holiday colours. The reindeer ones are adorable and fit the holiday spirit great, except Luke's. Luke's is just kinda lacking, they could have taken him out of his beret just this once. Solomon's is my favorite! It looks so comfy.

It felt like there was alot going on with this event so I probably missed some things.

Event starts off with the announcement of a holiday decorating competition to win the Krampus Star which grants a single wish. Probably my least favorite Christmas activity to do in a group lol but it's a good premise.

This turned into a hallmark movie real quick 🤣

Levi you good here?? Lmao

I'm just casually forced to help every one, then who ever wins I have to approve their wish. Please everyone is gonna wish for the same thing (spend Christmas with me) and I'll end up spending it with everyone anyways...

Now things start getting weird. Everyone is fighting and Barbatos figures out its a rare moon cycle that released an Dark Demon Santa (I started laughing here).

Collecting things with everyone was kinda cute. An adorable momment between Lucifer and Beel that solidified my HC that Lucifer can't say no to picking up Beel tho hes too heavy xD Also liked that Mammon got to show a bit of his responsible older brother side! <3

The spell takes over everyone and Raphael is told to break up the fights for some reason tho he has a short fuse himself.

Then somehow everyone decides not to fight and it works?? Christmas spirit??

I was basically shaking in my boots at learning Diavolo absorbing the DDS's power was the only plan and if it goes bad the Devildom would be left without a ruler for some time. Like this is SERIOUS serious! (And also makes the plot super intresting :0)

So glad they included a conversation between Diavolo and Lucifer (tho it would have been better if I wasen't there). Diavolo gave Lucifer the new start he and his brothers needed and I know if something happened to Diavolo, Lucifer would blame himself. This conversation was needed so he could know where he stood in relation to the problem/solution if I'm making any sense.

I think I'm gonna piss myself (sorry for the crude language lol)! THANK YOU BUT GIVE IT TO BARBATOS NOT ME.

The context for this image is Solomon beginning to understand Christmas spirit :3

Foods Mentioned

Mushy Shroom (in cave??)

Quetzalcoatl Brain Sandwich (cafeteria, apparently Bel's fave)

Quetzalcoatl Brain Pudding (cafeteria)

pudding and sandwich are mixed later on.

I'm assuming in the next part of the event we are gonna have to find the DDS 🤔

[aprofessionalwithoutstandards]

for the character ask, ms pauling if you’d like!

First impression: God I don't rlly remember having a first impression of her? which probably means I thought she was boring LMAO

Impression now: I really like her she's soooo super duper fun. I think she should be allowed to kill so so so much

Favorite moment: When she did shrooms in the desert with Sniper. Close second is when she killed the Director and put his body in that mineshaft. Icon

Idea for a story: If I knew more about DnD I would definitely love to explore her and DnD it's so fun that she's a dork ass

Unpopular opinion: Stop putting her with Scout stop making Scout a woman to put her with Pauling stop making Scout a hehim lesbian to put him with Pauling stop it Stop. She does not deserve that nasty ass man he don't even have teeth my unpopular opinion is that she should spend her one vacation day with ME.

Favorite relationship: IIIIIII don't rlly have any Pauling ships OOPSIES! Adminpauling fans make hot stuff tho I get it. I understand

Favorite headcanon: I love when people write her as like having a really normal social life and friends and a girlfriend and shit outside of work. Like her entire life isn't just these weird men she DOES stuff

[maareyas]

Hey hey hey its been a hot minute, i hope life is treating you well? (It better - if not ill fight life for you in the ring)

I’m giving you the opportunity to info dump about anything. And i mean anything be it something to do with one of your aus (we love lore) or even about any interests you may have (i know you like the fun-guys, whats your favourite shroom👀?)

Sidenote i just thought of this when typing the shroom question, i really thought that during feb that you mightve dabbled with the funguary prompts. Idk i thought you’d really like those. Like pair up a shroom with a character or something and go wham with it. Idk where i was going with this… yeah

I JUST STRAIGHT UP FORGOT to answer this ask hhdhdhdg whoops. I lost whatever idea I had to ramble about so I'm going to use this as an excuse to ramble about my thought process thus far behind the merhog Shadow I'm working on

(I keep forgetting Funguary exists and my database of Fungi Knowledge is unfortunately not specific enough for me to parcipate ahfhjdjsjsj)

Anyways. With merhog designs, I tend to have a "speculative biology" approach to it, i.e the different merhog design elements make some sense in context. I think I mentioned before that designing Creatures and Robots scratch a similar itch in my brain; and this is why. You can tell a bunch about how a Creature moves, eats, and lives just based on their physical traits. Same goes for robots!

Of course, I'm still an artist first and foremost. So when it comes to creature design, I still put aesthetics and Vibes™️ first before realism XD

with that out of the way, here's the rambles about the In-Progress merhog shadow design. No images because I'm lazy ahdhdjs

My first thought with the merhog shadow design was that "I have to throw a little bit of Godzilla inspo in there". I've had Godzilla on the brain since I watched the new movie with Kong a few weeks ago lol. And bc I like bioluminescence way too much, he's gonna be a glowy boiiiii.

I'm thinking he does actually have atomic breath and can subsist off/absorb nuclear energy. In the hypothetical au this design is from, the ARK would be an underwater facility that was destroyed in a nuclear explosion of some sort. Shadow was the only survivor and he "haunts" the spot to this day.

Shadow's concept isn't as clear to me as Silver's was. Vaguely, I want him to be more reptile-adjacent as a callback to the Biolizard and the Black Arms. I feel like going full reptile would make him look too bulky and slow so I'm still working it out.

This is the current iteration of the design so far:

barely anything, but it's what I got XD

I like the idea of merhog Shadow having two huge front flippers that can sort of act like extra hands. the flippers were partially based by a winged Black Arms enemy I forgot the name of + humpback whale fins. the little bumps on the front side of the fins? they're for speed, like with actual humpbacks. The little claw is NOT biologically realistic at all, but it looks cool and im already planning to take inspo from godzilla anyways so. yeah.

In general I think I might just take a more fantastical approach to Shadow? It feels fitting with his canon origins being weird.

For his head, I decided to turn his quills into tentacles, specifically of the Vampire Squid. There are spikes underneath to protect the back of his head from roundhouse kicks (bc he's the only one allowed to do that lmao). I'm thinking he might also have a false eye pattern in the center of the tentacles? A deterrent to potential predators + as a callback to Doom's Eye.

His eye markings get a little change too. They can emit red light, just like Stoplight Loosejaw (yes that's a real fish name) which have organs underneath their eyes that emit red light to hunt prey with. I imagine merhog Shadow would also have its extremely messed up jaw configuration ✨ I don't know how I would draw it though ✨✨✨

As far as solid inspiration goes, that's what I have so far. I'm considering giving Shadow more whale-adjacent features. With how huge his front flippers are, I think it'd make sense that he'd be more of a power swimmer? aka he has a big tail that does most of the work propelling him forward, and the flippers are to reduce the energy cost while also increasing speed and maneuverability. It would be a close enough analog to his skating, maybe????

He doesn't sound very fast but then again, I imagine neither is merhog Silver lol

[mika-0730]

Get prime numbers'd

Omg here we go, there's so many uwehhhh

2. What am i obsessed with right now?

Right now i would say my hyperfixation is Manga and Tales of Symphonia! I've been reading a ton of manga nonstop and my friend has been streaming ToS for us and it's been really fun ^^

3. Have i ever done any drugs?

Routinely eat weed edibles and tonic but that's it. Am interested in shrooms for the PTSD therapy though

5. How many people have i kissed

Hkbsknkbsojpsjkbekbsbjjdg technically 2.5?

The .5 comes from a coworker who kissed me on the lips (no tongue THANK FUCK LOL) on his last day of work??? It was fuckin weird lmao

The others were my ex and someone else

7. Who are you jealous of?

I try not to be jealous of people, but i tend to get jealous at people with supportive families/surrounding people and partners. I've finally got a friend group who supports me, but it's been very isolating otherwise

11. If i could teleport anywhere in the world, where would i go?

It depends, if i have a return teleport probably Japan? I've wanted to go for a loooooong time. If i have to get back normally, probably just to a friend's house nearby or to fuckin portillos since doordash IS DRIVING AWAY WITH MY FOOD

13. Do you have/would i get my nipples pierced?

I would LOVE to get them pierced but I'm a big baby around pain t_t i would need lots of positive reinforcement while it's happening

17. Am i angry with someone right now?

Yeah, big time, no one who follows me here though

19. Would i change my name and what would i change it to?

I'm thinking of changing it to "Mika Adora Morgan"! Still up for debate though

23. 5 favorite bands/musical artists

Right now it's probably Ado, Spyair, Yoasobi, and after that it's a bit hard to say. I've been listening to a lot of Mina-bass and amalee recently!

29. Most overrated movie?

Can i say like every superhero movie ever? It's just exhausting

31. Already answered this one ^^

37. Any tattoos?

No but i wish i did!!! Big baby around pain, but maybe in the future!

41. How many followers go i have?

Last i checked around 43ish?

43. What's my guilty pleasure?

Reading really shitty manga, especially isekai and c tier romance manga (and especially c tier

47. If i could marry any and celebrity who would it be?

None, I'm demi and unless there's a rich girl celebrity who wants to marry me for clout to say "look I'm married to a trans woman!" And give me the million dollars from earlier I'm not interested

[twopoppies]

oh dear god, when i tell you twitter went absolutely crazy lmao literally everyone talks about him vaping and how he’s turning into every white man, what the heck 😭 wouldn’t there be smoke clearly visible? and why would you vape while clapping and singing? it makes totally no sense. it does look weird, i agree but come on

The whole thing is so stupid. I swear people are so desperate to “catch” him doing something they can cancel him for. Today alone I’ve seen that he’s vaping, that he’s high on shrooms, that he’s going bald, that he got Botox in his cheeks and forehead… I swear to god they way people pick him apart it’s like they don’t want him to ever appear in public. 🙄

[bisluthq]

Well yea the thing is I’ve been trying to move on for like 2 years lol I go on the dating apps and stuff but I can’t find anyone else who I’m all that interested in, especially not to the same degree as that guy

You know, okay - look. If you’re determined to do something then no one can really stop you. As long as you’re well aware that this is unlikely to be a happily ever after situation where you ride off on a white stallion into a gorgeous sunset, then far be it from me to tell you not to do it. I’ve done some stuff I knew would 99% end badly lol and I assessed the risks and sometimes did it anyway because like… I wanted to lol. Most egregious examples were fucking a girl at work non-exclusively even well into her getting into a relationship, like that was a total mess and I knew it but I kept doing it for literal years and honestly if she hadn’t emigrated idk how I’d have totally stopped lol because I really like fucking her and also her personality as a person lol and a lot about her actually but we also really actively don’t work as a couple. The other one was the spite sex situation with my situationship’s best friend. I also didn’t think that was smart but I wanted to lol so I did.

If this guy is into weird drugs see if he wants to do like an Ayahausca retreat or a shroom journey or something and maybe y’all can talk a bit more under those circumstances. Nothing like tripping balls with weird people tbf like it’ll most likely help u figure this out lmao or he a terrible experience but at least it’ll be progress.

[catboyhockey]

ALSO at last night's game lr23 was doing his warm ups really close to where I was sitting, and i think he saw me(making heart eyes at him) and my wings jersey(in a sea of blackhawks jerseys) because he made eye contact with me, smiled, and bonked a puck off his head? it was very funny and endearing... lucas im so glad you're back in detroit!!! also he had a fucking SPRING in his step last night like you can tell he just signed a sweet contract lmao. as alex lyon said, that's a 64 million dollar man right there. i wish i had gotten a picture but it felt weird!! i hate being so shy ugh its frustrating.

ANYWAYS seeing them play edmonton at the end of october and again against the bruins at the end of november!! detroit isn't THAT bad of a drive for me... i've driven to ann arbor(for shrooms and salami) a few times, toledo, and now traverse city... think i'll go see them play the stars in april too! and i would get to see JAKEY!!!!!!!! who i love..... hes just so fucking big. fuck!!!

[terraliensvent]

Listen... Trait removal items should NOT be a thing. If you want to remove a trait you shpuldnt need an item to do so. If you want to remove a color, who cares?? You shpuldnt require an item for that either. The ONLY time i feel an item is needed for removal of traits is if its a COMPLETE ovehaul of the design.

Also..screenvisor trait doesnt need to be redesigned with the new guides if redesigning?! Thats kinda crappy considering every other things theyve altered trait wise needs redone to follow new guides when redesigning. Though!!! That could be a typo as well! Often times ive had mobile (not sure if the announcement was made via mobile or not) autocorrect now to not. So, its possible it was just a typo.

Either way: please mods stop requiring trait removal items. I should be able to alter the design to a point without the requirements of items to remove a color or two. You literally require items for ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. Its ridiculous. Im all about wanting to have a challenge when designing. Its why i like CS. But this is so very extreme imo.

So extreme.

I can get requiring the item to re-apply a trait. But to remove a trait? Limited or not, i should be allowed to just freely remove it. FREELY

when it comes to trait removal items, i can understand why they exist, but i do think there should be like,, ONE item to remove any trait (like a cheap “eraser” item) for less confusion, because adding trait removal to specific items gets weird if, for example the removal item is just as expensive as the addition item (like in the case of the psych shroom). but again, i get why it might be required for an item to remove a trait, after all you do need an item to add traits, and it might help with confusion when approving designs to see that yes, the user meant to remove the trait and didnt just forget to add it in their drawing.

also i can understand the logic of the screen visor thing based off how theyve talked about requiring “critters,” it seems like screen visors as theyve existed previously (cough cough like kea and other mods just straight up adding faces to terras) wont be achievable in the future. i can understand not requiring users to do a total facial design overhaul if they want to redesign their terra, thats just what happens when you dont have your guides together on day 1 and suddenly when theyre finished it turns out theres a lot of designs that are now illegal.

fair complaints to have though, this is honestly one of the least insane asks ive received in months LMAO

[krcdgamedev]

shuumatsu train review: meh

I think the best way I can describe what I'm getting from it is that it doesn't know how to engage with its own weirdness. It ends up feeling both too weird and not weird enough- too weird bcause all the weirdness just sits there at surface level like oh wow look how weird we is, and not weird enough because it doesn't know how to engage with its own weirdness and deepen and explore it.

The mushroom people episode for example was incredibly boring. I was hoping for a twist where, short gloomy girl wasn't being paranoid because she was the only one not shroomed but because she was the only one who WAS shroomed and it was messing with her head, or where the mushroom people weren't actually planning to trap the girls there but just grow some shrooms on them to add to the general population but since they wouldn't exactly mind if the girls stayed as well they come off as menacing… But no instead we get a generic DUDE JUST GIVE UP AND DIE LIKE ALL OF US LOL (or I guess not idk they just kind of give up at the end) and then GIVING UP AND DYING IS BAD YOU GUYS (unless you really want to idk you guys do what you want I guess) story. And then the mushroom stuff drags on for the next like three episodes because the writers don't actually have enough ideas, except the mechanics randomly change so now it grows on her butt and pulling it causes her brain to melt. Why the mushroom still? Why not have it be something from the other stops they just skipped over? Incredibly meh.

The characters are incredibly boring. One of the best things to do with a story like this (or any story ever) is to give the characters strengths and weaknesses and so on that can engage with the setting, be tested by it- both the setting and characters work to expand the other. Like in meguca, Sayaka's simple straightforward heroism interacts with the setting to make her a very complex character while also exploring the workings of the magical girl/soul gem/witch system, all very naturally. Again, episode two could have made something out of the gloomy girl being driven to shout "DUDE DON'T GIVE UP ON IKEBUKURO" when she originally was against it or unenthusiastic, but it doesn't actually set that up. And then in episode three the other characters helpfully inform us that she's the gloomy and cynical one, even though we just saw her not being that in the last episode. So her potential character development is erased both coming and going. We're also told that the gyaru "sometimes doesn't see the big picture" which is overly specific and a trait we don't ever really see from her besides her being the bullheaded and stupid one of the group. But thanks for telling us I guess.

Also they're obviously setting up some thing where the weirdness all ties to stuff main girl said to missing girl (anteaters and mushrooms and small people, waow what could it mean) but that doesn't really add anything to the story, or mesh well with it being caused by 7G outside of missing girl being the one to press the button (and then unpress it, and then press it again... this could all have been avoided by her not having pressed the button a third time man).

Lmao and now episode 6 starts off with the girls randomly getting on main girl's case about dragging them along even though they hopped on the train themselves. And they acknowledge that they all hopped on the train themselves then say pointing that out is insensitive somehow. Yay, I love forced drama!! Fuck off. … Actually this is even worse. The zombie stuff is too similar to the mushroom people stuff which had already been dragged out too long. The girls are banging on about "but if she ZOMBIE is she still FRIEND?" which is utterly meaningless because their friendships have barely been developed. And the delivery guy showed up. That doesn't really help to make the world feel big. Like, it was supposed to feel like the girls were going somewhere they never otherwise could have by getting on the train, but then this guy shows up like it's nothing. Coulda just hitched a ride with him in the first place if it was gonna be like this. It's not even like, this is the furthest edge of where he can go, or like they move a lot faster than he could. There's literally no purpose behind the train, just hotwire a van man. And they mention out of nowhere that the areas on this one specific train line are the only ones that still exist. So it's not even like he can go other places outside the train line. What is the point of either of these groups??

Man, I want some GOOD weird shit not this shitty boring stuff man…

[suqqubus]

autopsy of last night

• went to cute girl's band's show • met bff's friend, twinky lil guy who dressed really nice. immediately felt attracted to them, got the idea they felt the same • we start getting kinda cozy, snuggling up on each other n shit • (somewhere in here i took a shroom gummy that i hit in my boot lol) • went to a bar after the show, held hands the entire car ride to the bar (while listening to jeff buckley btw) • see our bar friend there, he gives us a joint • i start flirting w well-dressed twink, being all "what's that thing when someone takes a hit and then kisses u so u can get high too?" • so ofc . we start doing that (we might have kissed a lil before that too idr) • meanwhile im texting karaoke guy, he's asking if im ok bc i keep joking about dark shit and not realizing how concerning it is bc im drunk. on top of that he knows ive been feelin more depressed lately so he got worried lol • tell him i might go to well-dressed twink's place which is all the way across the city LMAO • karaoke guy is like "???? who is this guy??? are u safe???" and drunk me answers w the most weird cryptic shit, causing more worry • make out with well-dressed twink a lil on the sidewalk before we part ways and it's very nice • go over to karaoke guy's place, still drunk off my ass, he's hanging out w Ex • show them all the flirty ass DMs from cute girl from last night, tell them about well-dressed twink, generally come off as a fucking mess • Ex goes home, karaoke guy and i hang out until 7 AM

luckily not hungover today just groggy and tired but holy fuck dude. i hate having holes in my memory about certain things that happened bc it gives me some hangxiety.

[temporarymoods]

aggressive hey

i always promise so much.

rarely do i fail to deliver.

except when it comes to writing.

i'm not even sure what i want to write about now, but i guess a couple things right off first:

haven't posted to the blog in a while

have thought about it a lot ever since (throughout november, december and winter break, the first two months of the spring semester, + a week)

just can't sit down and do it sometimes

but I've got a lot of ideas. lack of blog posts absolutely not correlating with lack of things to say...

i utilize my notes app extensively, there's some ideas there, but i don't want to go in at random, that would feel wrong and i couldn't maintain this meter of writing that i'm already doing, so.... Dune.

just learned about what's going on with Dune, in the Dune world, and so on. first attempt at watching the movie a couple years ago left me feeling silly but, i'm better now. i want to read the book over the summer, in a hammock. there are a lot of things i want to do this summer. those are all over my notes app, too, and on my wall. i don't think "dating" makes the list, though girls remain pretty.

SUMMER * dinner parties, on the porch, heavily curated * farmers markets, fresh produce w/ baked goods * indirect sunshine * direct sunshine * shrooms * sand * biking * the movies w/ a sweatshirt around my waist * a bong, graduation present to self * better clothes * movies, at home tho, lots * ice cream * camping and lake swimming * working * walking through the park * the hardware store (for what?) * feeling like i did it * sports games (spectator)

that's just naming a few. hopefully a lot of them can come true. i want to let my body feel good, it knows what to do, you know?

speaking of: dry sex life. mostly. but that's just on me, my doing, so i cannot really complain, but just state. for future record. that im still in my contented-single era, haven't quite hit the wall that keeps you bothered about it yet. cool cool. guess some time w a stranger couldn't be that bad, if i made it fun for me. what a weird concept. i love my friends, that is already so much. saw a corny tweet about that today. didn't like it because it would show up on friends' feeds and that's just,, ugh. true though

february was kind of ungovernable (what else can i say besides 'crazy' or 'wild'???) in a bitches testing me way (lmao) but no in a... here, see for yourself: [from my notes]

<<Feb 1st, downhill instantly>>

Feb 4th>>

Priorities 

Comfort and Wellbeing

Feb 6th>>

Sick email

Hi Prof,

This is Kate from your ( ) class. 

Just writing to let you know that over the past couple days I’ve been experiencing symptoms of a medical emergency. 

Feb 19th>>

i feel like peopke have been pretty critical with my recently and i dont like that 

>>

lowkey infuriated

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el tuesday [these are things I write down that I wanted to talk to el about on tuesday]

having to defend myself a lot recently

maybe i should cut my acts (self centered, crazy/stupid) (dramatic, unserious) [REDACTED]

would normally want to talk to a therapist about my natural desires to do things that feel important to me but are deemed odd/wrong by others ex. [REDACTED] but also wouldn’t normally pick such a birds eye topic because we get engrossed in the little things. but still: is there something fucking wrong w me? is it bpd? am i 2 hippie 2 quit?

doing things for the plot, to experience things (different)

my whole idea of human relationships in general 

Feb 21st>>

blog

was very overwhelmed this morning— hadnt felt that anxious in a loooooonggg time!!— but lunch w gray and lab partner (liz?) was so beautiful & im like, again, omg i love life + my friends ☀️☀️🌞🌞

Feb 23rd>>

Mom - therapy hospital $$

Feb 29th>>'

“By anarchist spirit I mean that deeply human sentiment, which aims at the good of all, freedom and justice for all, solidarity and love among the people; which is not an exclusive characteristic only of self-declared anarchists, but inspires all people who have a generous heart and an open mind.” Errico Malatesta, Umanita Nova, April 13, 1922

* * *

so that's that... i think hopefully that says a lot, captures a feeling. i knew it was a month to remember like halfway through, you know? and it ending with a 1 year breakup anniversary... classic. reflective. so glad it's march though, damn! haters were taking up too much space. i say that jokingly obviously but also if you dare to read through the lines you might observe that i am in fact quite upset about the attacks leveraged at me over the course of a couple nights in a short span of time that were all off base and random and yet still hurtful anyway it was a weird pattern there's no denying! it doesnt help the identity crisis, which is in FULL SWING !

who am i?

idfk man. let's consult the March notes app, shall we?

March 1st, 3am>>

dont like cleaning bc dont like confronting the waste i make

March 1st, 2pm>>

in love a little bit with a handful of my friends but for various reasons dating them is not in the question & will never be! how relieving to know that

March 6th>>

Candlelit charcuterie night 

* * *

feel like these don't shine as bright but they're certainly better. im supposed to get my period today and i had no idea. but wait let me clarify that you should not take that second note to mean that i have feelings for my friends i do not, just read it another way idk

music been good recently.

rn its 2018 peach pit (Drop the Guillotine) but that's definitely not representative. Lime Garden's album One More Thing is though. and Grimes still, if im not doing that persona enough. and Car Seat Headrest, but in an on wait - always way. like a fucking brother. rest of the good shit is just in my Liked Songs kind of at whim. special selection: Chosen to Deserve by Wednesday. Next up should be RINA bc alr found 2 songs on there I really enjoy. but even now im off hyperpop for a week, lmao. what happens when you go camping.

towel party next week aunt in the hospital mom visiting in like 1 second more job interviews tomorrow research to do havent unpacked yet its spring break i just keep getting high and getting through it i really do love my friends

there's probably so much about this life that i'm going to miss. and i look forward to the time where i actually have the space to consider that. more choice

a poem to close us out, and maybe i'll upload some pictures tomorrow. (haha, odds?) thanks for reading. just off the radio show juice, Fri Mar 8 3:20am. common time for me recently. stealing back my peace in the wee hours oft'

i heard symphonies who wouldn't let me sleep the everysound of rain on wood my ear on wood the same

i taste dairy soft despite my body taking my time i do not think

scratching at my head i can do this this i can do which lets me cave in

i laugh a lot it makes me cry a lot of tears a lot of love

i love sooooooo ( ) all to say ( )

<3, Kate