#show's unwatchable 0/10

[mandatory-blog-stop-asking]

we need to cancel Star Trek: Prodigy again that Wesley Crusher jumpscare took literal years off my life away with you beast away

[echowithpain]

I'd say the only unrealistic expectation I have for season 7 is for the 100th episode to be a musical lol

Buck starts singing HSM while Eddie slowly gets more annoyed and Buck accidentally pegs him in the face with a basketball while trying to recreate a dance move 🏀

He feels bad and goes to talk to Maddie

They have a cute sibling duet that gives him the confidence to go back to Eddie and apologize

Since it's a musical episode Buck tries to end the apology by singing only for Eddie to tell him no (lmao) and if he really wants to make it up to him, he can do it by helping Chris with his homework while he's picking up extra hours

Eddie asks Bobby what's up with Buck's singing and Bobby says something about people expressing themselves in different ways idk. Bobby starts singing a little tune while putting away dishes or preparing to cook and Eddie just rolls his eyes

During homework, Buck tells Chris about what happened at the basketball court and how he tried to apologize to Eddie while getting him to sing but "apparently he doesn't like singing". Chris says "no he does, you just need the right song." Chris then teaches Buck a song his teacher taught his class to help them memorize something for a test or something like that

It's late and Buck goes back to the station to talk to Eddie as soon as he gets off work and apologize again, this time no singing cause he hasn't found the right song yet. Eddie puts his hand on Buck's shoulder and gently tells him it's okay, he's already forgiven, didn't hurt, etc.

Then to prove he's not upsET EDDIE STARTS SINGING TO BUCK AMD THEY HAVE A BUDDIE DUET THATS GONNA BE BEAUTIFUL AND PROBABLY THE FIRST TIME THE GA WILL SEE THESE TWO IN A SOMEWHAT ROMANTIC LIGHT LETS GOOO!!!! Especially with some new viewers from the network move

Idk how this went from musical episode to first signs of Buddie canon but here we are. I can put my clown makeup on with my eyes closed lmao

Yes I know some of those scenes are probably from different episodes entirely but I don't care. It's fun to speculate again ✨

Also if the 100th episode isn't exactly like what I said word for word then the show is literally unwatchable. 0/10 would not recommend (for legal and mental reasons this is a joke. And so am I 🤡)

[drunkonschadenfreude]

8 minutes into the breaking bad pilot Walter starts a lesson in school in a way that definitely makes it sound like the first lesson of the school year. The scene takes place on September 7th 2008. But the new mexico school year in 2008/2009 started August 11th. Why would he start a random lesson one month into the year with a sweeping "what is chemistry" statement? Checkmate. Unwatchable show 0/10 get fucked vince

[murfeelee]

Witcher Season 3 (AKA The "Final" Season 🤣😂)

Alright y'all, back at it again with my 3rd Witcher tv show "review" or whatever. S1 | S2

Disclosure: I already told y'all that I've made peace with this being the Yennefer Show, and that I'll keep watching when Liam Hensworth plays Geralt in S4, because this show ain't been about Geralt or witchers anyway--it's about the mages, obviously. Like, I don't blame Cavill for leaving, cuz if I had to play second fiddle to Yenn when I'M the titular MC, but I don't have ANY scenes, ZERO speaking lines, and NOTHING to do in my own show, then yeah I'd quit too! So I'm not gonna complain about what I WISH this show was--it will NEVER be the books or the games (definitely not Game of Thrones). Missed opportunity.

All that being said, unpopular opinion, but IMO Season 3 kinda slapped? The 2nd "volume"/part was the best BY FAR, but I genuinely liked the vast majority of the episodes. I give S3 a 9.5/10, because I actually have very few complaints about this season overall, I'm shocked. (EDIT: I have DEEProoted suspicions about a lot of naysayers/hatewatchers who say the show's "unwatchable," just because it's got a multicultural cast/"agenda"--sounds like racism to me.)

THE GOOD

The MAIN PLOT actually went somewhere!!!! A wild Vilgefortz appears! ^0^ He beat the DOG SNOT outta Geralt, YIKES! XD

One of my biggest gripes about S1 was that the show didn't focus nearly enough on THE BIG BAD, Vilgefortz. Cahir got SO MUCH screentime doing literally NOTHING for 2 whole seasons, meanwhile the rest of Geralt's Hanse was NOWHERE to be seen, and Vilgefortz was just sitting in the cut looking pretty, like wtf?

And Season 2 was barely any better!

But yeah, S3 FINALLY gave us Vilgefortz's dastardly behavior I'd been waiting for. He effed everybody up at Thanned, as I expected--that's my special evil boy! <3 (Now that Ciri jacked half his face up I'm very sad--that man is absolutely splendid to look at. A moment of silence for the eye candy, it will be missed. U_U)

THANNED. ^0^ Hoooooooly god this was great, even better than Sodden in S1. Episode 6 is the best episode in S3--such a great battle; people were dying left and right. And MAMA TISS!!!!! She went OFF! O_O

It was so sad, but ofc this was all gonna happen--they had Tissaia allllll the way up Vilgefortz's butt, so OF COURSE she was going to be crushed when he INEVITABLY betrayed her. (I don't blame you though, girl, cuz he's SO DANG PRETTY! I'd be crushed, too!) But at least Mama Tissaia got that body count up during the battle--SLAY! The way Filavandrel was just.... 🤯

Speaking of the elves, Francesca and Fringilla were put on the backburner (after dang near dominating S2); but I like the way their arcs ended, even though I felt bad for them. Very good scenes; the mages & their arcs are the very best parts of the show, as usual.

LODGE OF SORCERESSES RISE! ^0^ Dijikstra & Philippa. 😍

These freaks--I LOVE them, your honor! 😅 I was so hyped to see Geralt break Djikstra's leg, but Philippa had me ROLLING when she was like "well, it's a good thing you like pain"--I DIED! XD These kinky mofos! They're hands down one of the best parts of the whole show--I LOVE how sinister Philippa is (her bird feathers are such a great touch--whoever was in charge of her costumes & HAIR 👌), and what a simp Dijkstra is for her. It makes me so sad to know how things go for them in the video game--I sided with Dijikstra to kill Radovid, and was so hurt when he went after Thaler & Roche. But....yeah, I did pick the option to break his other leg, so....oops? XD

So yes, I'm excited to see where this show goes with Philippa and Vilgefortz; how their schemes line up (or not) with Emhyr and the Fake Ciri; and how that effects the REAL Ciri and how she eventually ends up under Avallach (I hope we get to see him on the show!).

Speaking of Ciri, we FIIIIINALLY got to see some domestic Geralt, Yenn & Ciri--even if they are on the run from assassins; and Geralt's iced Yenn out cuz she tried to sacrifice Ciri to Voleth Mier back in S2. A lot of the fandom HATED that they made S2 Yenn betray them, but I think S3 did an alright job of not retconning her, per se, but patching things up. Cuz it's NOT a good look to have your (REAL) main character (LOL) hated by the fandom for betraying her own "daughter." So was the domesticity hamfisted? YES. But was it necessary? GOD yes, otherwise what's the point of showing The Last Wish? They're supposed to be a FAMILY, so for god's sake start giving them scenes to actually SHOW us that--stfu about "destiny"!

Probably another unpopular opinion, but I liked Episode 7 with the unicorn. These are the kinds of adventures Ciri NEEDED in S1, running around some stupid empty forests doing NOTHING is different from learning how to survive on her own in a strange wilderness, encountering strange creatures, and tapping into the good AND bad sides of her magic.

And oooooh my god, the GOAT has returned.

A lot of...hrm...interesting conversations were had as Ciri was hallucinating in the desert, with love of my life Grandmama Calanthe, as well as Pavetta & Falka. It's a shame that Ciri didn't get this kind of development MUCH earlier in the series. Too little too late? We'll have to see where Ciri's plot goes with the Rats in S4 to find out if her new whole Chaos/Fire magic arc is worth it.

AT LONG EFFING LAST, we're getting some HANSE ACTION!!!

I've been SO EFFING SICK of Cahir. I'm glad Ciri finally got closure with him from SEASON ONE, and that he's FINALLY in the Hanse now--took y'all long enough, ffs! And Milva's interesting so far, so I'm glad to see her around, giving Geralt & Dandelion grief. So in S4 all we need now is Angie, and YA BOI!!! ^0^

THE BAD

I wish Mistle and the Rats were better established--the whole Wyvern thing wasn't done very well or made much sense, and Mistle & Ciri should've had WAY more scenes. I wasn't feeling any chemistry between them, which is annoying, since Ciri's a lesbian in my TW3 game--is the show gonna go with hetero Ciri instead? Or is her love of Mistle gonna be what pulls Ciri out of the Fire/Chaos dark arc they're teasing for S4? 👀

What's annoying is that we already had a Dark!Ciri arc in S2 though, and EVERYONE hated it. We see Yenn reconcile betraying Ciri, but where's Ciri reconciliation for slaughtering all those witchers at Kaer Morhen? 😡 First she's possessed by Voleth Mier, now she's possessed by Falka? This show's great at focusing on Yenn & the mages, but leaves Ciri in the same ditch over & over--it's irritating.

Ep5 was a LAME way to end the first half/"volume," I hated that episode. The whole ball just bored me, with the dancing and singing--I get it--"all is not *clap clap* as it seems," stfu already. I didn't care. It was OBVIOUS Stregebor was being framed; WTF was that mop on Istredd's head; WHY was Triss the only one with a braincell who cared that students were going missing when apparently the school's SO strict; why don't these mages start TELEPORTING for once, and stop running around SLOW AF; how the HECK did y'all let HUMAN Dijkstra jump a WHOLE SCHOOL OF MAGES--this is an utter embarrassment. Usually the mages are the only thing this show gets RIGHT, so to see them all faceplant like this was just baffling & frustrating.

And again with the monoliths--how do y'all NOT KNOW these things are here!? Same with the one hidden in Kaer Morhen, like REALLY? NO ONE's medallion is going off? Omg. Istredd! You STUDY these things! Start TEACHING these drunk AF mages a thing or two--this is why Vilgefortz and Dijikstra wiped the floor with y'all on your own turf! 🤦

THE UGLY

The pacing was SLOW AF. Episodes 3-5 particularly dragged.

Everything with Cahir I wish was in S2 instead. That elf was GORGEOUS and I hated to see him go, but what was the point of all that again? I almost expected him & Cahir to start banging! (My perv brain; I need help, y'all. U_U)

Speaking of!

ALLLLLLL this mess about Dandelion & Radovid.

What "ripple effects"? XD It was UNNECESSARY. We all know Radovid's a disgusting genocidal racist psychopath and Dandelion's a womanizing old man--I'm not interested in seeing Radovid going through all this effort to seduce Dandelion, just to DOUBLE CROSS him to get to Ciri, like wtF? TBH, I feel like we were queerbaited, yeah I said it. 😤

And it's SO unfair how we have alllll these sex scenes with naked women's vajayjays & boobs all over the place--even Philippa got in on the action, hey hey hey! ;) --but we never get to see man-on-man action!? Wow, they kissed, SO WHAT!? Men never get full frontal nudity and it ticks me off, cuz naked women are just all over TV, meanwhile the dudes don't show SQUAT, and it's happened AGAIN.

Anyways, those are my only real complaints; otherwise I liked S3, it was much better than S2 IMO. Just don't expect too much--turn your brain off, and accept that this show doesn't gaf about Geralt (or even Ciri really) whatsoever. I'm here for Yennefer, Vilgefortz, and to see the Lodge of Sorceresses make themselves an absolute menace under Philippa so that Radovid literally flips his wig (that horrible weave MUST go in S4) and effs everything up for mages & non-humans.

[destinyc1020]

I prefer to use metacritic over RT for the reason anon listed below. Still, there were several critics that rated it 0/10 with some saying it was unwatchable and a waste, and almost all critics watched it through the lens of “famous blockbuster actor with a huge following tries something new” which is wrong if you’re familiar with his pre Spider-man work. I think some critics went into watching that show looking for reasons to dislike it.

… “The Beach” has a 21% RT score and 53 metacritic score, and I desperately need Tom to see that score because that movie is not perfect but deserved MUCH better. Leo was hugely typecast after Titanic (which I think is his real gripe w superhero/blockbuster movies). Titanic released in 1997 and Leo didn’t have a critical hit until 2002 Catch Me if You Can, and that was a Spielberg film.

At the end of the day, Leo’s most famous role will always be Jack Dawson. It’s the role most “normal” people will always associate him with, but now he’s done enough movies opposite of Jack’s character people take him seriously.

You're right, I'll have to check out Metacritic more often. I'm so used to always looking on RT or IMDB lol.

Anyway......Great points about Leo DiCaprio Anon. 👍🏾 I know he's referred back to that time and how crazy it was for him in many various interviews over the years. And YES, I think that's probably one of the main reasons why Leo advises young actors against doing superhero films. He probably saw himself how the largely popular and successful "Titanic" role really probably stifled him career-wise for years. 🥴

I just think it's hard period for younger actors who have done such an iconic role, to really break free from that, because ppl like to pigeon-hole actors (and just ppl in general) ALL the time. 😒🙄

It may take a few years, but I definitely foresee Tom breaking out of the superhero "bubble" that it seems some in Hollywood have put him in. And don't think that Tom is the only one who's going through this. Actor Chris Evans (Captain America) gets typecast and stereotyped all the time due to his previous Marvel role. Why do you think he was okay with hanging up the suit? 👀

Honestly? Leo doing CMIYC was probably the best thing he could have done for his career. I could see Tom doing a role like that honestly. He certainly has the charisma to pull it off! 😉

I actually think that Tom's career is perfectly fine tbh, and I love how diverse his filmography is! I'm sure he will be called one of our great leading actors in the future.... mark my words.

If I were to give Tom any type of advice career-wise to get over this "period" however (not that he needs my advice on anything.... cuz who am I but just a fan? Lol 🤭 😆), it would be to:

Take a little bit of a break from the mentally-taxing/mentally-troubled roles for a little while. You can still show people that you're a great actor, that you're naturally gifted, and MORE than just "Spider-man" without doing dark/edgy/mentally-taxing roles 😔 I think the Fred Astaire biopic is a perfect choice for example 😌👌🏾 Especially since he will be able to finally showcase a talent he's had since he was a kid onscreen!

Do some lighter roles that showcase more of his natural charisma (and maybe even humor) 😌👌🏾

Take on a few roles that showcase him using his regular English accent

Don't pick roles based on "gut feelings or emotions".... pick roles more strategically and analytically (I know he said he hates doing that lol 😄) based on a GOOD SCRIPT, a great cast, and/or an awesome director, with a storyline that interests him👍🏾

Do an ensemble film again (kind of like TDATT) where he's not the main focus of the film, but a very important part of the storyline along with other well-acclaimed actors. Ensemble films are GREAT. And the entire film (or its success) isn't ALL on your shoulders.

And finally (and I know this will make some fans angry lol 😆), but if I were him, I would actually not return to the Spidey role for another 4 years 👀 Can't Sony still keep their rights to the Spidey character if they just keep making another animated Miles Morales film for a little while? 👀

Anyway, that would be my personal advice! 🤷🏾‍♀️

But hey, I'm nobody but a casual observer, so my advice could be crap for all I know rofl 🤣 But from the outside looking in, this is the direction that I would go if I were in his position. 😊

I think the thing that frustrates me the most with Tom and critics trying to pigeonhole him, is the fact that if they ever watched Tom's EARLIER films prior to Spiderman, they would see that Tom was really more of an indie actor!

The problem is, people either never saw his earlier films, OR, they never really paid much attention to him, so when SM HOCO came out, THAT became the barometer that they used to judge him and his acting 🙄, when in reality, they should be taking his entire filmography as a whole into consideration imo.

Anyway, let me stop with this dissertation lol..

Great points Anon 👍🏾

[charliethemanticore]

Hi! I watch/read a lot of anime/manga, so I figured I'd discuss the filler thing with you! Hope that's ok!

That's actually a very good point, I never thought about it that way! I think people disregard filler and don't consider it a regular addition to an adaptation, like it happens in other movies or shows, because in most cases its point is not to add anything worthwhile to the story, but to gain some time to not catch up to the manga.

So then, particularly in longer anime such as Naruto or Bleach, there are these entire arcs that completely deviate from the story and are ultimately pointless and stick out like a sore thumb. Whatever happened there is never brought back again, and its characters are promptly discarded as soon as the arc ends. This is something that doesn't happen in adaptations in other media (as far as I know), and what makes filler such an unique thing to anime.

Then there are cases where from some point on the anime completely deviates from its source material, such as Fullmetal Alchemist 2003 or Soul Eater. People don't refer to its original content as filler anymore because there's an understanding that they're doing their own thing.

I think what ultimately draws the line on what's filler or not it's its purpose and of course this is not a black or white thing, or matter of quality. Most people would agree that FMA 2003's ending is garbage, and the episode in DBZ where Goku and Piccolo learn how to drive is incredible. But then in cases where filler adds to and elevates the source material, can we still refer to it as such? That's a more difficult question! But I think we can all agree that Naruto's filler is pretty pointless, it made the show near unwatchable, and it's as fillery as filler can get. It's there to fill time and nothing else, no one's happy that it exists but alas it's there.

Sorry this got so long haha

Disclaimer: I have a migraine so this is very rambly and not the response such a well thought-out explanation deserves.

Thank you so much for your perspective I really appreciate it. (Also I feel like my tags were misleading. I watch a lot of anime I'm just like... Sitting in the corner doing my own thing bc I find active participation in fandom tends to be bad for my specific combination of issues)

But my biggest toxic trait is I fucking love like... 60% of the Naruto filler arcs (they're the only time my most beloved shino gets any real airtime and he DESERVES IT)

BUT based on every conversation I've had with my friends about this, this is because I have very different... Requirements when it comes to the stuff I like. The filler arcs are silly and fun and I enjoy them immensely (the only one I couldn't watch to completion was the robot Naruto one). Have a lot of complicated feelings about them though. Like The Three-Tails' Appearance is great because shino gets to be competent and Lee is a sweetheart and Sakura and Ino get to work together... But if that adorable child plays that leaf whistle one more time I may cry (guess where I'm up to in my rewatch)

Bleach filler is so much worse. Bount arc wasn't even enjoyable 0/10 couldn't even be saved by hot villains. I watched all but one arc of Naruto. I did not grant the same to bleach, it burned me too many times.

DBZ filler is complicated though because a lot of the filler has canon stuff sprinkled in which I think is a more seamless way to buy time - sprinkling filler into existing arcs rather than having just... 76 episodes of near continuous filler NARUTO. I understand the constraints were different though.

(fma:b is one of my favourites and I sort of just pretend 2003 didn't happen. It has some good points but I just can't. The author told them to go with their hearts and I respect that they committed but results were questionable)

Point is I think it's really interesting to see how other people interact with media because I'm mostly just sitting here like "are my favourite little guys talking? Brilliant. 10/10 you're doing great sweetie etc" im stressed out by literally everything else, a few episodes of some kids trying to unmask their teacher is enrichment in my enclosure

[uniformbravo]

in other news ive been watching kimi to boku, add shun getting a haircut to the list of top 10 anime betrayals

[incorrect-lord-of-the-rings]

Ooookay so while I am not ROP's biggest fan... I'm just gonna say that anyone giving it a 0/10 is straight up just blinded by emotion and contempt. The show isn't a 10/10 either but everyone saying that it's the worst thing to come out of Amazon or anything obviously hasn't seen the Cinderella with James Corden in it. And yeah, I'll admit, the show is eh for me. Not great, but not unwatchable. There are a lot of things I do not like, but there's also some I do in fact enjoy. I very much so dislike seeing hate online towards the actors, picking at their looks and stuff, while that is literally the nitpickiest of nitpickings about this show. There are some things that are done badly, very badly in some cases, but also things I believe are done well. Anyway, I just don't think we need to be hating on it as much. Criticizing, YES. Hating? No. Please learn the difference. There is also a difference between making memes about your criticisms and downright hating the show without nuance or critical thinking and insulting the actors who have worked hard on this project.

[some-days-we-get-sundays]

ruby leaving batwoman saved this show for me.

I wasn’t watching Batwoman with Ruby Rose on it and I had zero intention of watching Batwoman with Ruby Rose on it. She can’t act to save her life and she was just given the role for her name. After I found out she was leaving and in her place was going to be a black queer woman, I was all over it. I have watched all of season 2 so far and loved it. I tried to watch a couple episodes from when Ruby was on it and it only confirmed my beliefs that Ruby was awful in this role. It was unwatchable for me. She didn’t have chemistry with ANY of the cast, her performance was stale and she brought no energy or personality to the role. She wasn’t likeable and she was boring.

I think it’s so funny that in her interviews, Meagan Tandy always says her and Ruby had instant chemistry because I was like biiiishhh whereeee. Also Javicia has loads more chemistry with Cam and Nicole. Their friendship is more believable. With Ruby playing Kate it felt more like Cam and Nicole were her servants where as Javicia/Ryan it feels more like she’s actually friends with them. I love the fact that they all are poc. Just makes for a more genuine connection tbh. Javicia also had more chemistry with Rachel and with Meagan. Ruby always has this i’m too cool for school thing going on and I think it made me feel like she didn’t give a damn about playing Batwoman and kind of thought it was silly. 

Anyway, I feel like this show is gonna get canceled and I’ll be so upset if it does. Like please give it a chance to gain some traction. Especially when they keep all these other mediocre white people shows around. We need more black female queer superheros on tv. I can’t actually understand how anyone would think the one with Ruby was better. Because that one was a 0 out of 10. This one with Javicia is a 7 out of 10 for me and it’s only getting better every episode. 

[toondisneypunx]

Movies and shows I’ve been watching lately (November 2020- March 2021)

1. My Neighbor Totoro

10/10 recommend

I remember I watched this movie when I was seven years old and enjoyed it. I finally was able to rewatch it after 10 years with my HBO Ma free trial. The animation is absolutely amazing and the story is very simplistic. I was still able to enjoy this film as a seventeen year old. This is also one of Miyazaki’s first films, which is super impressive.

2. Pixar’s Soul

9/10 recommend

I’ve seen every Pixar film that was made, so it was natural for me to see this one. I had some concerns that this movie would be too much like Coco or Inside Out, but that wasn’t the case. The film was mostly great except the ending did not have much closure. Great film though. 

3. Avatar: the Last Airbender (Original Series)

10/10 recommend

For a long time, I’ve been wanting to watch this series, but I’ve been holding it off. I remember when it came on Netflix, everyone was raving about it. I finally decided to watch it and I was very invested in the story and the characters. Also, I really enjoyed the fact that this show pushed boundaries for a Nickelodeon show. If you haven’t checked out this show, please give it a chance. 

4. The Last Airbender (movie)

0/10 recommend

After finishing the original series, I made the awful decision to watch the movie. The movie was so awful. Usually, I don’t give movies this rating but this movie is the worst. The story was rushed, and the second act of the film dragged. Also, the entire second act of the film was the season 1 finale. Aang and Sokka’s names were mispronounced and the directors white washed the cast. This movie is disrespectful to the original series. 

5. Star vs. the Forces of Evil

9/10 recommend

For the longest time, I had no desire to watch the show. I remember being pestered by people of the fandom and I thought that this show was just ‘one of those silly cartoons’. Then, I gave this show a chance and I actually enjoyed it. I thought that a majority of the first season was irreverent and immature, but as the series progressed, the show got better. However, I thought that the finale was weak and they could have done better with the finale. The character arcs are one of the best components of the show. Overall, I recommend this show to anyone who wants to watch it. 

6. Music (Sia)

0/10 recommend

This movie has been controversial since the trailer was released and I did not take Sia’s side. I decided to watch this movie just to see how bad it is, and boy, it was terrible. First of all, Music, who is autistic, was portrayed by mocking autistic people. It was so uncomfortable to watch. Second of all, the movie was boring and the plot line was predictable. Finally, the soundtrack of this movie was not that good. Overall, this movie is unwatchable and offensive. Please don’t watch this movie.

7. Legend of Korra

9/10 recommend

This series serves as a spinoff and prologue to the original Avatar: The Last Airbender series. Usually, I don’t like spinoffs because it takes away a ton of things I enjoyed from the original source material. However, I thought this was a great spinoff, even though it did not live up to the original series. I enjoyed the character arcs and I am glad that this series gave more closure for the original series. I also liked the fact that the spiritual side of the world of Avatar was expanded on. The one thing that I did not like was that the villain plot twists were very obvious. I definitely recommend the series if you have seen the original Avatar: The Last Airbender series. 

8. WandaVision

10/10 recommend

I was anticipating for the release of this series since 2019 and I was exceptionally excited to see the MCU come back in action. Every day an episode would release, I would watch it. At first, I felt like the show would not fit into the MCU, and I was confused. However, the show was aware and explained everything. I though Wanda had a great arc, especially at the ending (no spoilers). The music that was incorporated was very catchy. I can not wait to see the upcoming series that Marvel has in store. 

9. Gravity Falls

10/10 recommend

I remember I used to watch the series when the show was still airing, but I did not finish the entire show. For a long time, I wanted to rewatch the show, but I have been holding it off for a very long time. Finally, I got around to watching the series and I really enjoyed it. The show knew exactly when to end, which meant that it was able to keep it’s status. There was a ton of good humor within the episodes. The character arcs were interesting. The best part of the series was the three part finale. I was at the edge of my seat while watching that. Gravity Falls has a ton of lore mixed in with light-hearted moments, and it was done perfectly. 

[forestwater87]

Every episode of Camp Camp ranked: A very (non)objective list

It's well past the time of year when Season 5 of Camp Camp would've dropped. I fully understand and support it not coming out; the crew's health and safety are much more important than a comfort show.

However . . . man, would it be nice to have some comfort right now.

So I'm reliving the entire series! I've been known to share with the world a whole bunch of Spicy Hot Takes, but I've never really sat down and talked about my feelings about the show as a whole. 

And what's the best way to do that? Well, just ask Jenny Nicholson: a numbered list! That is, here's the series ranked from worst episode to best, because I want to get the negativity out of the way early and focus on everything I love (and because people enjoy complaining, so let’s frontload all that). 

The takes will be hot. The feelings will be intense. The post, I'm assuming, will be largely unread.

Let's do it!

Oh and duh, there are spoilers. I tried to keep it pretty chill, but you’ll want to have watched the whole show or just not care about spoilers before going forward.

Also slashes in the middle of “naughty words” are meant to prevent this from being kept out of the main tags. Who knows if it’ll work? I don’t.

60. Who Peed the Lake? (Season 4, epis/sode 3)

Ah, good ol' Pi/ss Lake (or as @hopefullypessimistic84​ calls it because she's funnier than any of us will ever be, “Pis/s Fe/tish Dot Com”). Terrible, one of the few I’d consider nigh unwatchable. I actually kind of love this episode for being such great shorthand for "the absolute worst one."

Who signed off on an entire episode centered around Sherlock Holmes meets a bad om/o joke? Give me names and addresses: I just want to talk.

59. Reigny Day (Season 1, episode 6)

And nobody was surprised.

I'll admit I'm more willing to defend this episode than many people, but it's not . . . like, good. It seemed okay when there were only 11 other episodes to compare it to, but now that there have been so many bangers, this comes across as extremely weak. 

And let’s just say the Na/zi jokes hit a lot differently in 2020 than they did in the summer of 2016.

I’m overall happy with the direction the showrunners have moved Dolph’s character in, and I can’t totally blame them for using a kind of humor that was fairly common in the pre-Trump era, but yikes, this has aged like milk. And it wasn’t even very funny at the time, so it aged like milk that was already pretty bad to begin with.

58. Squirrel Camp (Season 4, episode 10)

This is a dumb one.

Not much else to say; it’s just kinda stupid and lame.

57. Fashion Victims (Season 4, episode 13)

I love Sasha, but this is filler. Which isn’t in itself a bad thing -- I have a couple episodes near the top that could reasonably be called filler, and a valid argument could easily be made that “filler episodes” don’t actually exist in a show with no plot -- but as much as I adore the Flower Scouts and enjoy the handful of good moments we get in this episode . . . who cares? Does anyone really give a sh/it about anything that happens here? Does anyone get their life from this one?

I didn’t think so.

56. Foreign Exchange Campers (Season 3, episode 3)

I know, I know, your Russian waifu came from this episode. Why do you think it’s so low on this list?

Okay, for real: this is . . . fine. It’s fine. It’s fine? I’m not mad at it, it just feels tonally incongruous and not very memorable beyond the fact that the fandom got really weird and kinda gross about Vera. But the episode itself? There’s some cute stuff with Neil and Nikki being jealous, but for the most part it’s a big hunk of white bread with some super mild white cheese that’s kinda soggy from sitting in a bag for too long and getting all condensation-y. 

That is to say: it’s fine.

ETA: Space Kid does say “fu/ck.” I can’t decide if that’s a point in the episode’s favor or against it.

This is the last of what I’d call the “bad” episodes. Everything after this ranges from mediocre to mind-blowingly amazing. But whatever our failing tier of Camp Camp episodes is, it stops right about here. 

Onto the good stuff!

55. Night of the Living Ill (Season 2 Halloween episode)

I keep switching this with “Eggs Benefits,” which probably means they should be tied. But whatever, this is my list and I am in charge and I’ve finally decided, after like 5 changes, that I like this one a little bit less.

It’s a fun Romero parody with nothing I’d call bad. Really this one’s only so low on the list because I think it’s kinda icky, and looking at those green snotty faces makes me queasy. If you think this is a bad reason to put it near the bottom of the list, then make your own post.

54. Cameron Campbell Can't Handle the Truth Serum (Season 4, episode 11)

I . . . don’t remember this at all. I initially had it a bit higher because I tend to love things with Campbell in them, but then I realized that nothing about this episode stuck in my brain even a little bit. 

Oh, this is the “Dolph has autism” episode that made everyone either extremely happy or really mad? Okay. I guess that’s the most remarkable thing about it. Neato.

Cam, I love you, but this was just not the best use of your sleazy charm.

53. Eggs Benefits (Season 2, episode 9)

This is one of those episodes with enough cute moments and good ideas to save it from being totally unmemorable, and I mostly enjoy rewatching. Platypus being a mom is a fabulous idea, and pairing the campers the way they did was mostly really interesting and fun.

The Preston-Nurf stuff takes it down several pretty significant notches, though. It’s what the kids would call problematic, and while I normally enjoy how the show doesn’t skew away from darker themes and jokes, it didn’t really fit either of their characters and just . . . isn’t fun to watch. It’s not especially funny, it’s not especially tragic, it’s just uncomfortable.

52. Camp Campbell Wants YOU! (Season 1, episode 0)

Honestly, this would be a lot higher if it was a full-length episode. It’s funny.

The next 5 or so episodes fall under the “cute but not very memorable” umbrella:

51. Nikki's Last Day on Earth (Season 3, episode 4)

I love the ensemble episodes, so this was always going to score higher than any of the single-character “meh” eps. I didn’t see the twist coming, though I know a lot of other fans did. Textbook example of “cute but not very memorable” -- the Platonic ideal of that concept.

50. The Candy Kingpin (Season 3, episode 9)

A clever idea that plays on Max’s worst characteristics and then calls him out for them, while also giving Dolph some much-needed character development. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like it really picks up until the last third of the episode, leaving the rest just kind of sitting there.

49. Campfire Tales (Season 4, episode 13)

Who doesn’t love campfire stories?

That’s all I got. They’re campfire stories.

ETA: OH SH/IT THIS ONE HAS THAT REALLY SCARY STORY! Where David’s all like . . . Slenderman’d. Fu/ck, I didn’t remember that until I was writing out my thoughts for #35 or so. That definitely elevates it, but I’m too tired to try and re-decide where this should go, so just tie it with “New Adventure!”

48. New Adventure! (Season 4, episode 4)

New trio! Focusing on these 3 was a definite risk, and I think it really paid off. While the “plot” itself isn’t anything special, there are a handful of really great side gags (hi, Dirty Kevin!!!!) and it’s fun to see these three interact. They all get some nice character beats. It’s a good time.

47. Something Fishy (Season 3, episode 8)

This might’ve hit me harder if I’d actually seen The Shape of Water, but the send-up works fine without having more than the seen-the-trailer level of understanding. Gwen dresses pretty, which I love; Max sucks, which I also love. What drags this one down is mostly feeling like the surreal aspects of the comedy go a bit too far into the “what the fu/ck am I looking at?” territory without really . . . making an actual joke beyond “look! Wacky!"

Why is David at the opera with a bird? Why??

46. City Survival (Season 3, episode 11)

Literally do not remember a single thing about this episode except David getting mugged and being called a “homeless twi/nk.” That should probably rank it lower on the list, but David being a fluttery mother hen saves it for me -- as does the fact that it leads directly into one of my favorite episodes, and the single best story arc of the series.

Next set of episodes is what I’m going to arbitrarily call “okay! but like the good kind of okay, not the bad kind.”

45. Bonjour Bonquisha (Season 2, episode 7)

Max and Sasha masterminding a scheme is really fun; their dynamic is great (though it won’t be fully realized until Season 4), and heartbroken David is so tragically cute it actually makes my heart explode out of my chest.

Also I can’t resist a good “3 kids in a trench coat” gag.

44. Anti-Social Network (Season 2, episode 2)

Neil is very relatable and I don’t have much else to say about this one. It’s fun to see an episode that more heavily focuses on our nerdy science boy, and Max and Neil teaming up to save Nikki was really charming and sweet and set my Makkiel ship out to sea.

43. A Camp Camp Christmas, or Whatever (Season 2 holiday episode)

Why does this episode have a musical number? It’s not good.

Okay, that was mean. This is fun and cute and Gwen wears a pretty purple sweatshirt and Space Kid gives her a present and it’s really sweet. But that musical number is an instant fast-forward for me, sorry.

42. Preston Goodplay's Good Play (Season 4, episode 7)

We get some Preston character development! Awesome!

It’s done in a really trippy and surreal way that totally fits his character and heightens the drama of the episode! Awesome!

David has an apparently-tragic history of being a French mime! Not a good call! 

Next tier: Some good sh/it! (Tbh, these could all be put in just about any order; they might as well be one massive tie.)

41. Cookin' Cookies (Season 2, episode 11)

I love the Flower Scouts. I love Dirty Kevin. I love the idea of accidentally starting a dru/g empire. Another weird, borderline experimental one focusing on side characters, and I think it works better than “New Adventure!” because the scale of the melodrama is just so over-the-top.

The fact that this is in the bottom 20 but I have nothing but good things to say about it illustrates how dang good this show is. It’s only getting better from here, folks!

40. Romeo & Juliet II: Love Resurrected (Season 1, episode 7)

Preston is a terrible playwright. This makes sense, because he’s like 11, but he’s the kind of hilariously bad I wish I’d been as a preteen, because his play is absolutely bonkers. Max fucking with David is great, Tabii vs. Bonquisha is great, Bonquisha in general is a giant amazonian goddess and I want to be swept up into her giant arms. Neil is . . . a robot, for some reason?

So much fun!

39. Camp Cool Kidz (Season 1, episode 4)

I don’t love Ered’s characterization in this one, but there are a lot of wacky hijinks in this episode that I think make it really enjoyable. Max’s wide-eyed revolutionary naïveté is a fun change from his usual dour pessimism, and Nikki’s loyalty to Ered is both very gay and very charming. Plus we get to learn a bit more about how the camp operates (and fails to operate), and it’s a nice way to better establish the campsite as its own setting.

(Definitely think “Cool” should’ve been spelled with a K though. But whatever, I don’t write for the show.)

38. Scout's Dishonor (Season 1, episode 3)

The birth of Neeancy! The introduction of the Flower and Wood Scouts! Neil saying “cu/nt” -- one of the first and only truly shocking uses of profanity in the entire show! ZUKO!

I don’t know if my fondness for this one is rooted mostly in nostalgia or if it was actually really fun, but I enjoyed the he/ll out of it. Not as highly-rated as some other episodes mostly because it doesn’t really do anything, character or story-wise, but not every episode needs to be a massive game-changer that drowns us in feels. Sometimes it’s enough to have a fun romp, and this is very that.

37. Ered Gets Her Cool Back (Season 3, episode 2)

Awww, Ered. I have a soft spot for her, because I love the archetype of a spoiled bit/ch clearly still figuring out how to be a person and have friends. You really get the sense of her as a teenager trying to sort her shi/t out in this episode, which I would love to see more of. Her interactions with Nerris are top-tier, and I like that it’s a continuation of how her character’s been softening since Season 1 into this kind of big-sister figure.

Also, all the female campers in this show are lesbians. I do not make the rules.

36. Attack of the Nurfs (Season 4, episode 2)

I feel like this is a pretty underrated episode. But then again, I feel like Nurf is a pretty underrated character, so maybe that’s just my own personal bias.

I really enjoyed all the different iterations of Nurf, and I think Blaine did a killer job giving each one its own personality and life. It’s a fun episode that plays hard with cartoon physics (a 3D printer printing people! I love it!) and has a surprisingly moving ending.

At least, that’s what I think. Most other people seem to find this one pretty forgettable. Again: make your own da/mn list. I liked it.

35. Mascot (Season 1, episode 2)

This entire episode is memorable for so many things, but a few of my favorites:

David is established as kind of a di/ck.

Platypus arrives and kicks all the as/s.

Quartermaster is the best.

Nerris, Harrison, and Space Kid all get little moments to show off how cute they are.

Neil and Nikki bonding.

This:

34. Quest to Sleepy Peak Peak (Season 2, episode 3)

I love watching Nerris and Harrison bicker, and Neil and Nikki fit really well into their group. It reminds me of being a kid, and of playing Dungeons & Dragons (as an adult, because I’m so cool), and of summer . . . which is a really good thing for this show. There are a lot of funny one-liners, and it’s just a good dang time.

33. Quartermaster Appreciation Day (Season 2, episode 6)

I don’t think this one is all that well-loved, but I thought it was funny. There are literally zero important plot or character moments, but it made me laugh a lot, and that’s all I need a Camp Camp episode to do. 

I love QM, and the more we learn about him, the more confused and disturbed we end up being. What a fu/cking champion.

32. Arrival of the Torso Takers (Season 3 Halloween episode)

I lowkey hated this one when it came out, because I knew the Daniel stans were going to be exhausting. And they kind of were? But looking back, it’s a great way to reintroduce this motherfu/cker. He’s a lot scarier than he was the last time around -- but also less competent, which is a great way to kick him in the proverbial ba/lls -- and while I wish it had a lot more Gwen in it, it’s a clever and creative Halloween episode. 

31. Operation: Charlie Tango Foxtrot (Season 3, episode 10)

Charlie . . . Tango . . . Foxtrot . . . CTF . . . OH! Capture the Flag! I never got that before. Oh, that’s neat. I love this show.

Listen, every time the writers decide to take a risk and do something bizarre and creative, I’m going to be here for it at least a little bit. An entire episode told from the POV of the Woodscouts, explaining how hard they failed in all directions? A great gag where everyone in Petrol’s story talks in grunts? The return of Jermy Fartz?! Fantastic. 

30. Panicked Room (Season 4, episode 16)

Listen. I’m a sucker for my trash grandpa; anything Campbell-centric is probably going to be pretty good (except #54), because he’s just one of the most consistently funny and engaging characters. Good times are had whenever this terrible man is on the screen, and giving him a romantic backstory? A tragic romantic backstory full of mistakes and emotional damage?? One where he waited 17 YEARS for the love of his life???

We have no choice but to stan.

29. Party Pooper (Season 4, episode 15)

I’m so predictable. If you put Gwen in something, I will be happy. If you make an entire episode about how Gwen is under-appreciated and overworked and just trying to do her best despite the circumstances, I will dedicate my firstborn child to you.

Anyway, this episode is really sweet, and I liked the unexpected direction the writers took her relationship with her dad. He seems like a nice guy, they seem like they have a nice relationship, and . . . well, an episode about how hard it is to be an adult millennial hit pretty hard. Plus this was just a really pretty episode -- and not just because Gwen was in so much of it! Seriously, that night sky was a thing of beauty.

Also if you say a fuc/king word about Max and that godda/mn dog I will choke you out with your own intestines. Few things are more hilariously, annoyingly ironic than the fact that the entire fandom ignored and failed to appreciate Gwen . . . in the episode all about how everyone ignores and fails to appreciate Gwen.

28. Culture Day (Season 3 holiday episode)

Now, would it be arrogant to point out that I had the idea for a Culture/Heritage Day back in September 2018? Yes, especially since I don’t think the writers ever read fanfiction and it has literally nothing to do with this episode. Will that stop me? He/ll no it will not! I am a creature of ego! Read my stuff! 

Anyway, this is a really fun look at Neil’s background, personality, and relationships. Max looking out for him is just . . . oh my god, I cannot, I’ve written like 30 of these and my brain is starting to melt, but these two are so cute. I love arrogant Neil, and I love protective Max, and I love QM and Gwen fuc/king over the Flower Scouts to save the day. Everything about this episode is lovely.

27. Cameron Campbell the Camp Campbell Camper (Season 3, episode 7)

This should not be ranked so high (even if these are all essentially tied). This is a dumb episode based on a really, really dumb premise. 

But . . . I don’t know what to tell you. “Samboy Kidwell,” Max realizing he and Campbell are disturbingly similar and not liking what his future could look like, David’s “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” face . . . this episode happens to hit all of my favorite things. It had a really good balance of heavy-handed moralizing and goofs, it was part of the most graceful lead-up into a finale the show has ever had, and I’m just all about it. 

Excellent job, Samboy. Count Olaf would be proud of your disguise.

There ends the “some good sh/it” tier. We’re starting to get into the really excellent stuff now!

26. Parents' Day (Season 2, episode 12)

I know. You want this to be higher. I hear you.

Honestly I’m kind of shocked it’s this high; it’s my least favorite of the season finales so far, and I had to push past a lot of prejudice to actually rank this where I think it deserves to be, as opposed to somewhere in the like mid-40s. Mostly because it gave fuel to the raging inferno of “Max has terrible parents and David should adopt him” headcanons, which I’ve detailed my problems with extensively in the past (in a post that, statistically speaking, none of you have read).

But, trying to be objective: is this episode actually any good?

Well . . . yeah, it really is.

So much work was put into giving each of the campers families that make sense with their characters and bounce absurdly well off of them, ranging from wholesome and adorable (Nerris’s family) to quietly tragic (Harrison’s parents), and they’re all designed so well; they’re fun to look at and fun to watch interact with the kids and each other. (The only exception is Dolph’s dad, who is both kinda lame and misattributes the cause of the weird Na/zi thing because it did not come from Germany, I assure you. But things with Dolph are always a little off, and I don’t really know how you would give him a backstory that actually works with the character, so they were caught between a rock and a hard place there.)

The drama of David having to choose between the man he considers his father and the camp he considers his home is really touching, and him and Gwen choosing to take a sad camper out to get pizza instead of covering for their boss’s a/ss is such a beautiful moment for both of them that I can’t really blame the fandom for losing their mind over it. Campbell’s arrest leading into the arcs of the next two seasons was great as well, and the finale left us all with this weird sense of foreboding because we didn’t know what was going to happen next; it was the only finale that actually ended on something close to a cliffhanger, while still being satisfying enough to keep us all from melting down.

Plus, it’s funny. Carl and Candy are really funny and the idea of Neil and Nikki’s parents boning is funny in a horrible way. The joke about Quartersister is funny. It’s a good episode.

Should this be higher? Maybe, but I can’t bring myself to put it above the rest of these episodes. Again: make your own list.

25. Mind Freakers (Season 1, episode 10)

The episode that launched a thousand ships. Assuming those ships are all Harrison/Neil, anyway.

It’s hard to talk about these Season 1 episodes because they feel so classic. Like, what is there to say? You’ve all seen it a couple dozen times; I’ve seen it a couple dozen times. Harrison is a di/ck, Neil is possibly an even bigger di/ck, and magic may or may not be real. (Though spoilers for literally every season: yes, magic is definitely real.) It’s so much fun watching these two smug as/sholes snipe at each other in an almost literal playground hair-pulling way that could very easily be read as flirtation. 

And the fandom did most certainly read it that way, at least for a little while.

24. Gwen Gets a Job (Season 2, episode 8)

It’s Gwen. What, was I supposed to not put it this high?

This was the first Gwen-centric episode, and it absolutely slaps. She’s pushed to the breaking point and responds by being a cold-hearted BAMF, and it got her some pretty significant hate from fans but I don’t give a fu/ck, I loved it. We got to see her all dolled up, and then we got to see her all disheveled, and both of those looks were gorgeous. David gives her a tiny fragment of the love and validation she deserves (I don’t know if this is when gwenvid started taking off -- I think it wasn’t really until “Parents’ Day,” or even Season 3 -- but I ate that s/hit up).

Also, again: job hunting post-2008. It’s a bad time, y’all. Camp Camp gets it.

23. Follow the Leader (Season 4, episode 6)

Yeah, I was kind of surprised at how high this landed, too. I guess I’m just a sucker for unlikely companionships, and these three have a great chemistry. The combination of competitiveness, sass, and reluctant admiration make their interactions a lot of fun. Their motivation of doing petty errands for Campbell for the sake of getting at the Box of Illegal Contraband is a great framework too, with high enough stakes to justify all sorts of wacky shenanigans without causing actual anxiety.

I want to see these characters forced to spend more time together. Please, RT, make that happen.

22. Escape from Camp Campbell (Season 1, episode 1)

In terms of numbers, this feels so low, but considering everything from about #45 on is ranked as at least decent, this is actually a pretty high rating. There are 21 episodes I’d call better than this, but these decisions were all pretty painful.

This introduces us to everyone! The main trio, the counselors, Mr. Campbell; we get a snapshot of the major personalities running around the camp, the major points of conflict (Max vs. David, primarily), the major building blocks of future episodes, setting, and relationships . . . 

Again, I don’t know how much of my love for this episode is nostalgia -- there’s a lot of squeeing at familiar faces and gags; this is the first time David gets hit by a bus!!! -- but it was a fun and funny introduction to a series that’s ended up being so important to me, and I’m so grateful this wonderful, quirky little show with its wonderful and quirky little premiere. 

Of all the episodes, I really can’t look at this one objectively. It’s too important.

21. The Fun-Raiser (Season 3, episode 1)

David and Gwen scheming is my ki/nk. They very rarely scheme together, but every single time their teamwork makes the dream work (or, more frequently, makes the dream fail horribly and have disastrous consequences) my soul flies out of my body and takes to the stars, where I write another 500 first chapters to gwenvid fanfics I’ll probably never finish.

This is a great follow-up to “Parents’ Day,” where we immediately see the consequences of the previous season finale and what happens when the one adult in the camp disappears. Mr. Campbell was a terrible adult, true, but at least he was smart enough not to steal QM’s hook. Like . . . whose plan was this? It was so bad. These two are hilariously incompetent sometimes -- often when their bad ideas are feeding off of each other, actually, a la this and “Space Camp Was a Hoax” -- and watching them frantically try and keep all their balls in the air is so great. 

The ending is satisfying, too; a bit graphic, in keeping with a show that tends to keep the violence limited to periodic spurts of bloodshed 1-2 times a season and mostly pretty mild the rest of the time, but between Max stepping up and fixing everything while still being his shi/tty self to our dear dumba/ss counselors getting their dumb as/ses handed to them (deservedly so, if we’re being honest) . . . it’s such a great note to begin a new season on.

20. Journey to Spooky Island (Season 1, episode 5)

A classic.

We get to meet our spooky boy Jasper, we get to watch the comedy trio play off each other and continue to sketch out the general contours of their friendship, and we get to see the Quartermaster with a big purple dil/do for a hand. What’s not to love?

19. The Butterfinger Effect (Season 4, episode 17)

CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES! GET YOUR CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES HERE!

I’ve already gone into some pretty intense detail about why I think this one is actually really good and carries the theme of embracing change that everything about Season 4 was centered around, but none of y’all read that so here it is in short: this episode is super funny, almost all of the campers’ transformations work really well as extensions of their characters while still being strange and surprising, and the fact that Nurf creates all of these problems by trying to solve them is deliciously fun to watch in a karmic sort of way.

Or maybe it’s just because any Nurf-centric episode is going to rank pretty highly for me. That is also possible.

18. Space Camp Was a Hoax (Season 2, episode 10)

Our camp counselors being bad people: it’s my drug of choice.

We get Space Kid tripping balls in what might be one of the funniest sequences in the show, the entire camp coming together to try and pull off the stupidest, most impossible task (and kinda maybe almost nailing it???), and once again the fun of watching Gwen and David scramble to keep from getting caught in their boss’s shit/ty lies is so great. And Lindsay’s voice acting is absolutely killer, even more so than usual. 

17. Jermy Fartz (Season 2, episode 4)

I get the sense this might be a somewhat controversial one. 

I’ve written before about why I think this episode is a lot of fun, but it mostly boils down to two things: watching the campers try (and fail) to be nice to the most bully-able person on the entire planet, and the essential likeableness of Jermy. 

No, really.

I think a lot of people were put off by Jermy’s general grossness, because . . . my god is he disgusting, but he’s also polite and good-natured, and seems totally self aware of how difficult he is to be around, without letting it make him depressed. He’s cheerful in a weirdly downbeat way that’s impossible to understand until you see him in action. He’s so matter-of-fact about his own awfulness in a way that I found entirely endearing. I don’t think I’d want him at my camp, either, but get that kid to a good dermatologist and gastroenterologist, teach him some basic hygiene and social skills, and you’ll have quite a little gentleman there.

I do however find it hilarious that apparently David got the type of tree wrong when making fun of Jermy. Not only is that a great moment for reveling in David being an as/shole, but he didn’t even have the right wood. F/ucking idiot. I love him so much.

These last ones are my favorites! (Well, duh, that’s how this whole ranking thing works.) Maybe not perfect, but just really good and with limitless rewatch value.

16. St. Campbell's Day (Season 4 holiday episode)

They Grinch’d Camp Camp. Those brilliant bast/ards, they really pulled it off.

Ignoring the fact that David is truly frightening-looking for most of the episode, this is a great bookend to Season 4, following up on the theme established in the first episode about how David is a flawed and selfish human being despite trying his best not to be.

This is another one I was surprised to find so high on the list, but the more I thought about it the more I realizes how good it is. David being a jerk is always one of my favorite storylines, and the fact that the trouble comes from him trusting Mr. Campbell too little instead of too much is a nice twist on the usual formula. Gwen coming to help him out despite a blistering hangover gave me aggressive shipping feels, yes, obviously. 

Between a lot of really funny little gags like QM’s failed satanic ritual and the genuinely touching moral about the importance of spending time with the people you love, it’s just a really lovely episode that gets just the right amount of maudlin for the holiday season. 

15. Jasper Dies at the End (Season 2, episode 5)

I kept switching this and “Dial M for Jasper”; it was a really difficult decision to make, figuring out where these two belonged. I think in the end, while the John Dies at the End reference was very, very good, this one loses me a little bit by being told from David’s perspective. Now, normally the more David is in an episode the more I’ll be likely to love it (see my #1 for proof of that), but his blinders when it comes to the camp and Mr. Campbell result in a really funny story, but one without the same emotional heft as hearing about what happened from Jasper’s point of view.

That doesn’t mean it’s not perfect for what it needs to be: each Jasper episode builds on the previous ones, and having the same intensity of “Dial M for Jasper,” where we learn how he died and how his relationship with David fell apart, would be weird and heavy at this point. In Season 1 we just found out he’s a ghost (and eagle-eyed viewers realized he’d been a camper with David); in Season 2 we find out how David views their friendship and time at camp; and in Season 3 we get Jasper’s perspective. It’s an absolutely wonderful raising of the stakes (for lack of a better term), but the one that packs more of an emotional punch is going to rank a bit higher than the one that’s mostly just for laughs.

That being said: there are plenty of laughs in this one. Everyone -- Griffin, Miles, Travis, the animators -- nailed this one, and it gets funnier every time I watch it.

14. Camporee (Season 1, episode 11)

AKA the episode where Forest realized she was in love with Gwen. 

What a great idea for an episode, seriously. Every coming-of-age story has a talent show or a competition or a big game -- something where the kiddos can show off their improved skills and teamwork to beat their bullies or whatever. And this show has both kinds of bullies: the popular girly girls and the violent muscleheads. What a great moment to pull everyone together and show how friendship can help us accomplish anything!

Except . . . of course that’s not what happens. Of course they’re absolute garbage, and of course teamwork isn’t the answer. Gwen is the perfect foil for David here, being the anti-teamwork, anti-Camp-Campbell adult who can perfectly and effortlessly undermine David’s relentless optimism. David wants so badly for his campers to live in the same coming-of-age summer movie he did as a child, and their staunch refusal to do that leads to a really heartbreaking closer to the episode, as well as lead into the next one. Everything about this, from the challenges to the setup to Gwen shouting “we are winning this FUC/KING trophy!” is just gold.

13. David Gets Hard (Season 1, episode 9)

We have David. We have Nurf. We have Gwen. We have Max trying to be helpful in the shi/ttiest way possible.

We have all the makings of a da/mn good episode. And they deliver. Not a very emotionally intense or moving one, but so, so funny.

12. Dial M for Jasper (Season 3, episode 5)

This isn’t the fate any of us expected for Jasper, and it’s not the fate of a lot of people wanted. But godda/mn it, it worked. The constant bait-and-switch the episode keeps playing with, where you keep waiting for something really dramatic and tragic to happen . . . and then the reality is that Jasper died because Mr. Campbell was stupid and careless, and it was all just a horribly sad accident.

It’s anticlimactic, but in a way that suits the series, both as a comedic counterpoint to all the hype throughout the episode and as a way to establish that Cameron Campbell is a bad man first and foremost through selfishness and laziness, not Daniel-esque sinister evil. Jasper’s death was totally avoidable and totally Campbell’s fault, and while that’s sad, it also adds a weird sort of lightness to the episode. David didn’t do something terrible to kill his best friend, Jasper didn’t kill himself, and without having actively chosen to murder a child (well, not this time), the door remains open for fans accepting Campbell’s later pseudo-redemption. It was just an accident, and Jasper was “haunting” David to tell him that he was sorry for how their friendship ended. That’s really sweet, actually.

I think it’s the best way this reveal could’ve gone, and I’m so impressed with how they pulled it all off.

11. Into Town (Season 1, episode 8)

This might actually be the only flawless episode in the entire show. I mean, I call a lot of them flawless, and I mean that on an emotional level -- “I love this so much I cannot see anything wrong with it” -- but this one is a masterpiece of storytelling. All the technical jumbo I’m bad at, like planting and payoff and tension and all of that, is just perfect.

I feel like this is the kind of claim that needs to be backed up with a long-as/s essay full of citations and video clips and references to, like, Joseph Campbell or something, but this is my 49th entry in the list so I am not going to be doing that. Besides, I don’t think my English degree qualifies me to critique film/animation; I don’t even entirely know half the terms I’ve used to compliment this episode. Someone else please explain why this is such a good one.

10. The Quarter-Moon Convergence (Season 4, episode 5)

I’ve mentioned in other entries that the weird, surreal humor sometimes doesn’t work; it feels too much like being odd for its own sake, and sometimes gets so distracted in being surreal that it forgets to include anything funny or meaningful. 

This . . . is not one of those.

Putting Harrison and QM together is a stroke of genius; the two of them are literally the most magical beings in the entire show, and using them as the conveyance for this great Lovecraftian horror-comedy was such a good idea. I don’t know if we’ll ever see these two interact in another episode -- honestly, this felt a bit like lightning in a bottle, and I have a hard time imagining what could possibly bring them together again -- but if this is the only episode we get, it is such a fantastic one.

Harrison makes a really good everyman, despite his powers; he’s just the right amount of confident and insecure to pull off that wide-eyed apprentice to QM’s grizzled wise mentor. (The fact that QM is objectively a terrible mentor is beside the point.) I still don’t entirely know what the two of them accomplished, but it feels baffling and momentous, with the perfect amount of gravity to make things extremely tense all the way through to the end.

Also, I guess God is an octopus? That’s kinda cool. I like octopuses.

9. Camp Corp. (Season 3, episode 12)

Another unpopular opinion? Oh ho ho, I am so contrary! I am Not Like Other Fans! I am the Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, refusing to have the same opinions of all you prepz.

I know this wasn’t the most well-loved episode, but I think it did a really great job tying together story threads woven throughout Season 3: Max’s selfishness leading to him hurting other people, his growing realization that he cares about his friends and the camp itself, the parallels between him and Mr. Campbell (and the fact that they both get this redemption moment in the finale). 

This is the most Max-centric season, focusing on his flaws and character growth, and they pulled it off in a really organic way that felt faithful to his character, touching without being too maudlin. The fact that his feelings about the camp are echoed in Gwen, Neil and Nikki, the other campers, and even Mr. Campbell drives home how important the camp -- and David -- are to this strange little family. 

Each season, Max reluctantly becomes a better person, without changing the fundamental core of who he is. That’s a really hard putt for the writers and Michael, and I’m blown away every finale by how they so consistently nail it.

8. Time Crapsules (Season 4, episode 18)

Gwen-centric? Check.

Max learning how to be a better person while still being the bratty kid we know and love? Check.

Looks at one of the most under-appreciated character dynamics in the entire show (i.e., Max and Gwen)? Checkity check-check-check.

I don’t really have much to say about this one, which I should: it was considered a pretty serious letdown to a lot of fans, and I’m not sure how to explain why I loved it so much. 

Comparing Max from “The Order of the Sparrow” to Max from this episode is wild. It’s not like 2 different characters: they’re still very obviously the same cynical, self-absorbed 10-year-old trying to survive summer camp. But he’s become a more considerate friend and decent version of that kid, and it’s great to watch. The moment where he and Gwen go too far and immediately regret snapping at each other is still painful (on my god, the VAs in this show, they’re so talented), Nikki and Neil both get nice subplots about how they’re also growing up, and the ending is fuc/king hilarious, perfectly breaking the tension from Campbell’s speech, which is both beautifully done and important to hear, especially if you’re in a period of uncomfortable transition (like, say, in your late 20s, or living through about 5 different national and global catastrophes).

And okay, I found that speech on the wiki for this episode and it made me deeply emotional, so here:

Here's the thing: you've got to take your failures and make something out of them. Take Camp Campbell for instance: a lot of poor decisions went into making this place what it is today. Sure, somewhere along the line it maybe strayed from its path, not living up to the camp it wanted to be. At some point, the camp realized that the camp would never reach the end of its path until it was ready or until it gave up. So, if the camp wanted to keep embezzling money and dealing with foreign powers, so be it! But, at some point, it didn't anymore. I never saw this coming, but I'm starting to think this camp is the best it's ever been.

If this is the last episode of Camp Camp we ever get -- and for at least a little while, it looks like it’s going to be -- I can’t think of a sweeter, funnier, and more lovely bittersweet note for this show to go out on.

7. The Lake Lilac Summer Social (Season 3, episode 6)

And again: No one was surprised. 

This is the longest non-finale episode of the show, and it uses that time perfectly. Rather than having some big emotional moments and character arcs -- which are great, don’t get me wrong -- the writers use the extended time to build a series of shenanigans as complicated as Gwen’s matchmaking web, and watching her try to set up a series of dominos (with David, for once, being the responsible, level-headed one) is almost as satisfying as the catastrophic results. 

Neil and Snake steal this episode, even from someone as in love with Gwen as I am, and for an episode that’s largely about making fun of shippers, there hasn’t been one that launched nearly as many ships as this. Neil/Snake? Tabii/Erin? Max/Nikki? GWENVID?! It’s all here, and I am here for it.

It was also fun to get a traditional episode setup in a very non-traditional show. I assume this means the beach and/or hot springs episode is forthcoming. (No, Pis/s Lake doesn’t count. Obviously it doesn’t count.)

6. Keep the Change (Season 4, episode 1)

Again, this is an episode I’ve said a lot about in the past -- and I was pretty uncharitable toward Season 3, which in retrospect was very unse/xy of me -- but I stand by a lot of my opinions then: this is a fu/cking great episode.

David is an as/shole, Max is an as/shole, Campbell is an as/shole. No one escapes the as/sholery. David schemes, Max catches him in the scheme, Campbell gets drunk and kind of gay . . . I’m 54 entries into this list and I don’t have much to say anymore: it’s just really good and fun and I love it.

5. Camp Loser Says What? (Season 4, episode 9)

This is another one I kind of hated when it came out, and again for fandom-related and personal-grudge reasons.

Fu/cking Daniel. That motherfu/cker. He shows up for 12 minutes and Tumblr bursts into flames. Every single time.

However, it’s really hard not to love this one. Daniel-as-Trump is a clever but subtle -- I mean, for this show’s definition of subtle -- allegory, and it’s amazing how much this slimy freak and the Woodscouts slot into it. David is a bise/xual disaster with the absolute worst taste in men, Dirty Kevin and Daniel are onscreen together for all of 2.5 seconds and the kevdan shippers lost their minds, and Xemug looks like Megamind for some weird reason.

My only minor complaint is that the ending is a bit anticlimactic, but it plays on Daniel’s stupidity and the value of teamwork, so it’s a very small nitpick in an episode that mostly works like gangbusters.

4. Cult Camp (Season 2, episode 1)

Duh. There’s a really good song and we’re introduced to a charismatic, sinister, and totally dumba/ss villain. What’s not to like?

I don’t think I even need to say anything about this episode. Season 2 started off the summer by throwing a lit firecracker directly at the viewer’s face, and ignoring the fact that we as a fandom proceeded to eat each other, it’s impossible not to get caught up in the episode’s wild energy.

And dude, that song. Fabulous. Fu/ck Daniel, but thank god he’s around to be such a prickly little pri/ck.

Now for the top 3: Literally perfect, wouldn’t change a single solitary thing.

3. After Hours (Season 4, episode 8)

I’m not sure anyone loved this episode as much as me. But this is my list, and I will put this up at the top if I want to and you cannot stop me.

It’s much easier in a lot of ways to talk about the episodes I hated than the ones I love this much. What do I say besides “literally everything about this fills me with joy and my life is better because it exists”? I don’t know. The counselors are my favorite characters, and between Gwen and QM having the weirdest bonding experience, Gwen getting to meet up with people who care about her silly fanfiction, Mr. Campbell being the trash grandpa of my dreams, David getting in way over his head . . . it’s the episode I always wanted, and they made it work so well.

Also, I just discovered that “Gwen Isn’t Your Mother So Stop Asking Her to Rinse Your Dishes” is an actual song and I am overwhelmed with delight. Here, I’m embedding it as well as linking because it’s so good:

God. This show. What the fu/ck even is up with this amazing, weird-as/s show.

2. The Order of the Sparrow (Season 1, episode 12)

Duh.

The entire first season is a great time (except “Reigny Day”), but it’s a pretty low-stakes kind of great time. There isn’t much in terms of emotional depth until the very end of “Camporee,” despite some hints at darker themes in one-off jokes and quick asides, so this episode comes a bit out of left field, tonally speaking.

But that’s not a bug, it’s a feature; if the show had been this overtly emotional from the outset, this finale wouldn’t hit as hard, and the rest of the season wouldn’t be as funny. 

This manages to serve as a capstone to the conflict of the first season, building on episodes like “Into Town” and “Escape from Camp Campbell” in a way that feels totally natural for both David and Max’s characters while revealing new sides of them. It works because it’s so unexpected, but it doesn’t come across as incongruous with their personalities. It’s the first and only time David swears in all 4 seasons, and that line -- I don’t even need to say it, you know exactly what I’m talking about -- still gives me chills.

Also, Gwen sings the camp theme song. Impossible not to cherish.

1. The Forest (Season 4, episode 12)

I’m not sure if this one is a surprise or not. It might be the obvious first place, or it might be a bit of an oddball for some people.

I had a really hard time choosing between this and “The Order of the Sparrow”; I switched their places half a dozen times, and the difference in quality between the two is razor-thin. I think part of that is because it accomplishes a lot of what “Order of the Sparrow” does: puts David in a situation where he’s pushed to his absolute emotional and physical capacity, crushes every shred of hope he has left, and sees what he’s actually made of when you strip everything away. It’s much more dramatic this time around, but it’s the same basic concept.

And just like in the Season 1 finale, what we see is a man who’s determined to do good even when he isn’t rewarded for it, even when he’s actively punished for it. Who wants to love nature, and life, and make the world a better place -- despite his faults, his selfishness and thoughtlessness and anger, David proves that he is fundamentally kind. He’s not nearly as deludedly optimistic as he seems; he just refuses to stop trying.

Because somebody fuc/king has to.

I’ll admit, some of what puts this one in first place is that I’m a sucker for whump, and David really goes through the ringer. However, I also think it’s important to acknowledge the risk Joe Nicolosi took with writing this episode: it’s all centered around a single character, it’s darker and more viscerally bloody than any other episode in the show’s history, the art is focused on these grand sweeping backgrounds that must’ve taken forever to paint, and there’s very little talking in a show that runs 99% on clever dialogue. This could have so easily backfired -- and for some fans it did -- but it was brave and beautiful and breathtaking.

I’ve actually only watched this in full once. It’s really hard to get through; it’s just so intense and even disturbing. But if there’s one episode I'll remember for the rest of my life, even when I’m 80 years old and haven’t seen the show in years, it’ll be “The Forest.”

It’s funny how such a sharp departure from the format and style of the rest of the show somehow manages to perfectly capture the heart of it. Talk about a fuc/king achievement.

So what have we learned?

I don’t entirely know what the purpose of this whole exercise was. I think it was mostly to get myself a nice Camp Camp fix that came from something other than slogging through 20 different fanfic WIPs, and to remind myself of what a strange and fun ride the last 4 summers have been. 

I also wanted to take a moment to acknowledge what Camp Camp means to me. This show has been hugely important to me on a personal level: I met two of my best friends through this fandom, and I’ve never been more connected to a community or readers than I have with CC. I know I bi/tch about this fandom a lot, but it’s a big extended internet family, and I’m so happy to be a part of it. Going through all these episodes, getting the chance to ramble about the things I liked and the things I didn’t, was a great way to reconnect with a series and community that I love.

So . . . what have we learned?

1. Season 4 was all over the place.

Some of this has to be due to the sheer volume of episodes, but when I sat down and organized everything into tiers:

There isn’t a single category Season 4 doesn’t have at least one episode in. I was surprised to see how high a lot of them ended up; it really was the best and worst of the show so far.

For the fun of it, I decided to give a number to each placement -- 60 points for the #1 episode, 59 for #2, etc. -- and see how each season broke down. Because that’s that kind of thing I think is worthwhile, apparently. And . . .

2. Seasons 1 and 4 are really good, actually.

Well, I don’t think anyone’s surprised to see how well Season 1 stacked up; it was amazing. But I was surprised to see how much I ended up enjoying Seasons 3 and 4, when if you’d asked me before this little project, I would’ve said they were the most underwhelming. Maybe I messed up the numbers a bit -- I’m no mathmagician -- but not only are they all really close, but Season 4 was one of my favorites.

3. This entire show is really good, actually.

One thing that really struck me when I put it all together visually is how most of the episodes sit in the “good,” “really good,” or “amazing” categories. The amount of episodes that are memorable, fun, and/or emotionally resonant is crazy. I don’t now how many other tiny cult-hit web series can say the same, honestly, and all of the writers, animators, directors/producers/other people whose jobs I don’t really understand, and voice actors should be commended for their outstanding talent and hard work.

4. Thank you, Camp Camp.

It was a real pleasure to relive all of these episodes again and think about what they meant to me. It won’t be the last time I sit down and watch this show -- and it certainly won’t be the end of my being a shrieking fangirl over it -- but with this break, where we have to get through a blazing, extremely difficult summer without a new season to fawn over, it’s nice to stop and appreciate what a precious gem of a show this is.

I hope everyone involved with Rooster Teeth is taking a much-deserved rest and prioritizing their health and well-being. Thank you for creating something truly special, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

[chopperpirate]

Chopperpirate’s anime of the decade list. (based only on what I’ve seen. VERY open to revision once I’ve seen more anime).

1. Hunter x Hunter 2011 2. Fate/Zero 3. JoJo's Bizarre Adventure (If you give a shit about my Part ranking, Part 4>>Part 2>=Part 3>Part 5>>Part 1. Consider this the placement for Part 4. Not gonna list each part individually because that'd be redundant) 4. Steins;Gate (Original show only. The movie was okay I guess, but skippable. Steins;Gate 0 is a waste of my finite time on this planet) 5. Made in Abyss 6. Prison School 7. Mob Psycho 100 8. Psycho Pass (season 1 only. Season 2 is fecal matter, the movie is fine but just a filler movie, and I haven't watched season 3) 9. Dr. Stone 10. Death Parade 11. Madoka Magica 12. Shiki 13. Assassination Classroom 14. Konosuba 15. Kill La Kill 16. Anohana 17. My Hero Academia 18. Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid 19. Golden Time 20. Haven't You Heard? I'm Sakamoto!! 21. Space Dandy 22. The Devil is a Part-Timer 23. Re:Zero 24. Guilty Crown (not sure why everyone else seems to hate it. If you've seen it and disliked it, I'd genuinely love to know why) 25. Panty and Stocking With Garterbelt 26. Attack on Titan 27. Lupin the III (2015) 28. Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood 29. Danganronpa 30. Full Metal Panic: Invisible Victory 31. Amagi Brilliant Park 32. Black Butler: Book of Circus 33. Aggretsuko 34. Parasyte: The Maxim 35. Space Patrol Luluco 36. One Punch Man 37. Selector Infected Wixoss (Season 1 specifically. Season 2 kinda fell off for me) 38. High School of the Dead! 39. Happy Sugar Life 40. Deadman Wonderland (manga is better) 41. Durarara!! 42. Angels of Death 43. Hinamatsuri 44. Ushio and Tora 45. Ping Pong: The Animation 46. Oreimo (The show where my waifu was born) 47. Yuri Kuma Arashi!! 48. Fate/Apocrypha 49. Fate/Stay Night: Unlimited Blade Works (TV) 50. Angel Beats!

Honorable Mentions:

91 Days Erased Dragon Ball Super Tokyo Ghoul (Season 1 only. Amazing manga throughout, but every season besides the first one is unwatchable garbage) The World God Only Knows Your Lie in April Watamote Another School Live Fate/Kaleid Liner: Prisma Ilya

If anyone wants further expansion on my opinions or to simple recommend something I didn’t see yet, feel free to send an ask. 

[siryouarebeingmocked]

I've seen the Endgame now.

I would never have expected Christine Everhart to be key to defeating Thanos. It's this respect for canon which elevates the Russos above other filmmakers*.

But seriously,  if you had come to me this morning and went "hey, SYABM, what anime would you compare Endgame to?", I certainly would not have answered -

[SPOILERS F'REAL NOW]

-Eromanga-Sensei.

Because Steve married Peggy Carter. After he kissed his niece. But they're not blood related.

In case anyone is worried about Captain Marvel, I am happy to inform you she's basically tolerable. Which is not to say there isn't one eye-rolling scene, which I can ignore because the rest of the movie is fantastic. Specifically, there's a moment where the nuclear footba-the Ironfinity Gauntlet needs to be kept away from the bad guys, through heavy opposition. Marvel turns and faces screen right, and pretty much every named MCU female hero but the Ancient One shows up to play fullback or whatever**.

It's a mildly cringy "grrl power!" moment, and TV Tropes says it's a reference to the comics A-Force teem of all-female heroes, and wait what is Mantis doing there she couldn't fight her way out of a paper bag movie ruined squad broken immersion destroyed 0/10 literally unwatchable.

I spent basically the entire last hour of the movie either grinning or weeping. Not manly tears either. Big ol' ugly crying. I think I gave myself a headache.

Also, there’s one scene early on where a character is talking, and I went “he’s gonna turn out to be gay”. And he was. I’m not sure what, if anything, that signifies, especially since I’ve put random diversity in my own stories, for reasons I can’t explain.

Incidentally, the gay dude was Joe Russo.

Sorry, played by Joe Russo.

And thanks to proper planning, I didn’t have to pee once!

Final word; I walked out of the theatre, looked up from my phone, looked left, and there it was. A shawarma joint.

Seemed fitting, somehow.

* Fun fact: I wrote this joke before I saw the movie. There was an awful lot of Continuity™ in it.

** Fun fact: this joke works with Association Football, even though I wrote it for American.

[thecollegefootballguy]

Bizarro Football: An Alternate History of College Football in 2018

Welcome one and all to the FINAL installment of Bizarro Football! It’s the alternate reality imagining what would have happened if the 2010 realignment cycle had never happened.

Check out the previous seasons first if you’d like to catch up: 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017

This post is an amalgamation of the various other conference posts I’ve made throughout this (and part of last) off season. Check those out here:

ACC: 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 Big East: 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 Big Ten: 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 Big 12: 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 PAC-10: 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 SEC: 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018

I’ve made some adjustments for games that were never played as well as incorporating the G5 and Notre Dame, but otherwise things haven’t changed from these earlier posts.

Clearly certain things would have changed each year if each conference’s membership was altered. However, most of the Playoff era has remained remarkably consistent, with only 2014 drastically changing. Let’s see if that holds true for 2018.

-

ACC

Atlantic Division

Clemson 13-0 (8-0) NC State 10-2 (6-2) Boston College 7-5 (5-3) Maryland 6-6 (3-5) Wake Forest 7-5 (3-5) Florida State 5-7 (2-6)

Coastal Division

Georgia Tech 7-6 (5-3) Virginia Tech 7-4 (5-3) Miami FL 7-5 (4-4) Virginia 7-5 (4-4) Duke 7-5 (3-5) North Carolina 1-10 (0-8)

ACC Championship Game: Clemson over Georgia Tech

Clemson towers over the ACC. The Tigers are so far ahead of the rest of the conference that there essentially was no race. NC State, technically the second best squad in the league, was a fringe top 30 program. Without Pittsburgh winning the Coastal, Georgia Tech pulls one last trick out of the bag in Paul Johnson’s final season. The Yellow Jackets earn another pummeling at the hands of Clemson as the Tigers skip on into the Playoff for the fourth straight year.

-

Big East

West Virginia 11-0 (7-0) Cincinnati 11-1 (6-1) Syracuse 9-3 (5-2) Pittsburgh 7-5 (4-3) South Florida 6-6 (2-5) Louisville 4-8 (2-5) Rutgers 3-9 (2-5) Connecticut 1-11 (0-7)

West Virginia pulls off an undefeated season, securing a spot in the Playoff so long as the Committee sees fit to put the Mountaineers into the top 4. I wonder if Dana Holgorsen leaves if he had this much success in Morgantown. Cincinnati and Syracuse were both pretty good, but the rest of the league was varying shades of awful. Conference stalwart Louisville cratered in a bad way after losing Lamar Jackson and Connecticut had one of the worst defenses ever seen in FBS football.

-

Big Ten

Michigan 10-2 (7-1) Northwestern 8-4 (7-1) Ohio State 10-2 (6-2) Iowa 9-3 (5-3) Michigan State 8-4 (5-3) Penn State 8-4 (4-4) Minnesota 6-6 (3-5) Wisconsin 6-6 (3-5) Purdue 4-8 (3-5) Indiana 5-7 (1-7) Illinois 3-9 (1-7)

Michigan again almost made the Playoff, but were again thwarted by Ohio State in The Game. The Buckeyes were again the best team in the conference, and again they blew a few games they should have won to fall out of the Playoff race. Northwestern managed to tie for the league championship by missing both UM and OSU, so that’s nice for them. Iowa was actually really good but they’re relegated to being an afterthought for losing too many games. Penn State and Wisconsin suffered some serious bad luck in this universe.

-

Big 12

North

Iowa State 8-5 (5-3) Missouri 9-3 (5-3) Colorado 6-6 (3-5) Kansas State 6-6 (3-5) Nebraska 4-8 (2-6) Kansas 5-7 (2-6)

South

Texas 12-1 (8-0) Oklahoma 10-2 (6-2) Oklahoma State 9-3 (5-3) Texas A&M 8-4 (5-3) Baylor 6-6 (3-5) Texas Tech 4-8 (1-7)

Big 12 Championship Game: Texas over Iowa State

Texas is unironically back in Bizarro Football. The Longhorns manage to somehow lose to Maryland and still make a strong case for the College Football Playoff. I didn’t think that was possible. Oklahoma, the best team in the conference in actuality, loses in Red River and to Oklahoma State in Stillwater. The Big 12 schedule played right into Texas’ hands, getting to host the Cowboys as well as A&M. I’m not sure I trust them to win this many big games, but hey, stranger things have happened.

-

PAC-10

Washington 9-3 (7-2) Washington State 10-2 (7-2) Stanford 9-3 (7-2) Arizona State 8-4 (6-3) Oregon 7-5 (4-5) UCLA 4-8 (4-5) California 7-5 (4-5) USC 4-8 (3-6) Arizona 4-8 (3-6) Oregon State 1-11 (0-9)

The PAC-10 once again didn’t even get close to the College Football Playoff. Washington was once again the league’s strongest team, but the Huskies just could not act like it for more than a few games in a row before losing some kind of upset. Washington State once again reached for the stars, but a loss in the Apple Cup keeps the Cougars on the outside once again. A three-way tie between UW, WSU, and Stanford mucks up the top of the league, but Washington holds tiebreaking wins over both teams to earn their trip to Pasadena.

-

SEC

East

Georgia 11-2 (7-1) Florida 10-2 (6-2) Kentucky 9-3 (5-3) South Carolina 7-5 (4-4) Tennessee 5-7 (2-6) Vanderbilt 4-8 (1-7)

West

Alabama 12-1 (7-1) LSU 10-2 (6-2) Mississippi State 9-3 (5-3) Auburn 7-5 (3-5) Ole Miss 6-6 (2-6) Arkansas 2-10 (0-8)

SEC Championship Game: Alabama over Georgia

The SEC more or less looks the same as it did in real life. Alabama and Georgia were two of best teams in the conference and in the country. The Crimson Tide lost in Athens in the regular season but paid the Bulldogs back in Atlanta with a win in the SEC Championship Game. The SEC East showed life for the first time in a long while thanks to a rebound from Florida and a feel-good season coming from Kentucky. LSU and Mississippi State also turned in very good campaigns out in the West. Poor Auburn was overshadowed by a brutal schedule.

-

Notable non-BCS Conference Teams

UCF 12-0 (8-0)* Utah 12-0 (8-0)* Boise State 11-1 (8-0)* Army 10-2 Notre Dame 11-1

*conference champions

UCF and Utah both go undefeated in the C-USA and Mountain West respectively. Boise State also turned in a great season but the Broncos are gonna have to sit the NY6 out with better options on the table. Notre Dame does not run the table in Bizarro Football, the Irish lose early on in East Lansing to blemish their otherwise perfect resume. That’ll make the Playoff section much more interesting.

-

Projected CFP Rankings

#1. Clemson 13-0 (8-0) #2. Alabama 12-1 (7-1) #3. Texas 12-1 (8-0) #4. Notre Dame 11-1 #5. Georgia 11-2 (7-1) #6. West Virginia 11-0 (7-0) #7. LSU 10-2 (6-2) #8. Ohio State 10-2 (6-2) #9. Florida 10-2 (6-2) #10. Michigan 10-2 (7-1) #11. Oklahoma 10-2 (6-2) #12. Utah 12-0 (8-0) #13. Washington State 10-2 (7-2) #14. Cincinnati 11-1 (6-1) #15. UCF 12-0 (8-0)

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume that the Committee treats the Big East like the glorified G5 that they are. West Virginia just should not be anywhere near the Playoff despite the undefeated record and it would have been the right thing to do to keep the Mountaineers out of the top four. I’m not positive it would have played out this way, but I think Alabama and Texas have slam dunk cases, and Notre Dame probably make it over WVU, so I’m running with it.

With the Rose and Sugar not hosting semifinals, there are not very many at-large bids this year.

-

Projected NY6 Games

Peach Bowl: #6 West Virginia vs #7 LSU

LSU pulls one of the two at-large bids and gives West Virginia the real top fifteen opponent they were missing in the Big East. Both of these teams were probably overrated, so I’m not gonna go ahead and declare the Tigers the winner outright. If the Mountaineers manage to win this one, the Committee is gonna take some flak for their decision to stonewall unbeaten WVU.

Fiesta Bowl: #8 Ohio State vs #12 Utah

I'm actually not sure Utah would get ranked ahead of UCF if the Knights had a two year win streak, but that C-USA bias is hard to wash off compared to a Mountain West that still has BYU and TCU. The Utes were about as good as Central Florida in 2018 anyway, so either one can show up to take a beating from Ohio State. The Buckeyes have missed the last few Playoffs despite being the best team in the Big Ten each year, so I assume they’re gonna smack around whichever upstart they can and send Urban Meyer off right.

Rose Bowl: #10 Michigan vs #16 Washington

I’ll say this: the game might be unwatchable, but I’m sure the stadium is packed because Michigan and Washington fans would show up to this even if both teams were 8-4. I’d favor the Wolverines, but not with too much confidence.

Sugar Bowl: #5 Georgia vs #11 Oklahoma 

The best game in the non-Playoff slate. Maybe. I mean, did you see what Texas did to Georgia in real life? Then sub in Oklahoma, the real best team in the Big 12, for the Longhorns. This is an even matchup on paper, maybe even favoring the Bulldogs, but they really must have been gutted by losing to Alabama again cause they laid down a stinker.

Cotton Bowl (semifinal): #2 Alabama vs #3 Texas

Aren’t you a little curious what would have happened if this game gets played? An overachieving Texas team probably gets slammed to the mat by a far better Alabama. I’m not sure it’d be a 30-0 type deal, but I’m not seeing any kind of Longhorn win here. The computers put UT somewhere between 10th and 20th in most projections. I know they beat Georgia, but come on, only one team in the Playoff can beat Bama here.

Orange Bowl (semifinal): #1 Clemson vs #4 Notre Dame

Notre Dame gets exposed, again. At least they weren’t undefeated going into the game, so it probably doesn’t sting as much as 2012.

So uhhhh, Clemson wins the national championship! I was at the real life National Championship Game so I’m definitely not gonna entertain any kind of scenario that doesn’t give Dabo Swinney’s Tigers a second ring.

-

So that’s it for Bizzarro Football, it actually wasn’t that different most years. I’m not sure what that says about the system or conference realignment, but we’re doing a decent job crowning champions. Clearly it’s not perfect, but a good football team will win in any conference.

[leftylesbian]

thoughts on spn 2x17:

- the underwear folding scene is literally so fucking stupid.

- i cannot. this is so so fucking unwatchable :)

- every woman on this show is the worst of the “i’m not like other girls, i’m hot and i read and i kick ass (but never a man’s ass)” and the manic pixie dreamgirl stereotypes

- ok yeah we knew it was the neighbor

- this episode is a 0/10. and i had to hear jackles say “hot breeding”

- UNBEARABLE!

[onimiman]

Halloween 2018 Film Retrospective (no major spoilers ahead)

Throughout the entirety of the month of October 2018, I had watched a movie everyday that was, in at least some tangential way, related to Halloween. I can't really call all of them horror films (and to find out why, please see below), although I will say that many of them were unfortunately films that ranged from mediocre to downright unwatchable; had I not been forcing myself to watch these movies for the month, I would have given up ten minutes or so in. And I know I'm a bit late to the party since I'm only posting this on November 3rd, but fuck it, here's the list anyway. So without further ado, let's begin this retrospective with not the first film I watched this October, but the last film I watched for September, which I will call Film #0.

#0: The Babysitter (2017)

The plot: A twelve-year-old boy still hangs out with his babysitter when his parents are away, and just as he is developing deeper feelings for her, he learns a dark secret about her and her friends. This prompts him to undergo a night of survival that forces him to grow up and move on from his own feelings of inadequacy.

My thoughts: This movie feels like it was somehow a holdover script from the 1990s; when the film brings up an element from 1996's hit movie Independence Day, a movie that no one gives a shit about anymore (see how its sequel, 2016's Independence Day: Resurgence, flopped hard at the box office), it serves as only one piece of evidence for that claim. However, I did find the movie to be quite fun nonetheless, even if not all of the jokes in this horror comedy quite landed the way they intended to, but to me, it did have a stable story structure and everything storywise paid off with what was established early on. It's an easy less than 90 minutes to kill on Netflix and I recommend it even if you're not a horror fan.

#1: Leatherface (2017)

The plot: In this prequel to Tobe Hooper's seminal 1974 horror classic The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, we see the birth of the cannibalistic Sawyer family's iconic member turn into this film's titular villain.

My thoughts: By all means, this was a stupid and unnecessary film that shouldn't have been made. But I went into this expecting to simply be entertained by the violence and gore that was to come about. And was I? Yes, I was, and admittedly, the film did make me feel stupid in misleading me as to who Leatherface was going to be, even though there was a piece of evidence in the movie that did make me think, “Naw, it couldn't be.” So, for that, I can't completely shit on this film. If you're not a fan of gore, you'll despise this movie, but for me, it's a guilty pleasure by far.

#2: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

The plot: In this remake of Tobe Hooper's seminal 1974 horror classic The Texas Chain Saw Massacre... pretty much the same shit from that film occurs in this one with only a few slight differences.

My thoughts: Having watched this not long after watching Leatherface, I knew that I was going to get something significantly more conventional, and boy did I get it. It's as boring and unmemorable as most other horror films from the 2000s are, and if I wasn't doing this retrospective, I would have forgotten this one altogether. And moreover, the kills in this are so much more disappointing than in Leatherface, with little to no gore here, so I can't even watch this from the POV of basic primal enjoyment. Skip this one whether you're a horror fan or not.

#3: Goosebumps (2015)

The plot: What starts off as a boy-meets-girl story turns into a spooktacular tale of adventure that involves stopping an army of monsters that come directly from the mind of children's horror author R.L. Stine.

My thoughts: This is a movie that I imagined that I would have enjoyed watching as a kid every now and then, especially during Halloween, but as it stands, it's a little too dull for me and it makes me question what kind of threat do any of these monsters pose to our characters if they never actually kill anyone. It's still fun, if even in a standard way, and Jack Black as R.L. Stine, while incredibly hokey in the role, is obviously having a lot of fun here, so for that, I guess I can recommend this one if you have kids. There's nothing in here that'll actually scare them (unless they're a young Justin Bieber type who'll have nightmares over fucking Scooby-Doo) so you won't have anything to worry about showing them this.

#4: Silent Hill (2006)

The plot: When a young woman takes her adopted daughter to a ghost town called Silent Hill to solve the mystery of the girl's nightmares, they are quickly separated from one another and plunged into a dark demented world with hints of a core secret that must be solved.

My thoughts: I heard about how bad this one was for years, but as I was watching it once the characters actually reached Silent Hill, I found myself enjoying it and finding it to be a legitimately scary movie. The problem? The payoff at the end. I don't know if this is the payoff in the game, but the solution somehow felt a little too mundane and I kind of eye-rolled at the film's jabs at religion (and I speak as someone who's not religious at all). Decent movie for the most part, but I can't really recommend it on account of where it all leads.

#5: Venom (2018)

The plot: When disgraced San Francisco journalist Eddie Brock sneaks into the lab owned by the business magnate who ruined his career, he is bonded to an alien parasite who gives him extraordinary abilities and the antihero persona of Venom. Together, Eddie and Venom must work together if they are to take down business magnate Carlton Drake and the symbiote that he bonded to, Riot, before they can unleash a symbiote invasion upon Earth.

My thoughts: Okay, I know this is kind of cheating because it's not really a horror film in a conventional sense, but since the movie deals with a man being bonded to something that can kill him from the inside if they are both not properly fed, I thought I'd include this movie in this retrospective. Now, with that being said, I found this movie to be pretty standard for a superhero film, and in the year that films like Black Panther, Avengers: Infinity War, and Deadpool 2 came out, Venom looks kind of subpar in comparison. However, as standard as the story and action scenes were, I still enjoyed it for what it was, and as cliched as it is to say this now, Tom Hardy as both Eddie and Venom have some magnificent chemistry that makes me want to see more of them in a sequel. I'd recommend it, but with this stipulation: Only if you're not too versed in superhero films.

#6: Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

The plot: A pair of mysterious death leads a medical doctor and the daughter of one of the victims to investigate a conspiracy in a Halloween mask-producing factory that can have far-reaching consequences.

My thoughts: I regret seeing this movie for only one reason: That this wasn't the film I saw for October 31st, because this is, by far, the most Halloweeniest movie I have ever seen. Otherwise, I enjoyed this movie more than I did the original 1978 Halloween or any of its sequels or remakes (which I'll get to later in this retrospective). While not exactly having the best atmosphere, Halloween III: Season of the Witch is a very interesting movie that is draped in its titular holiday, with a unique premise to boot, that is kind of suspenseful, even if it doesn't have a real resolution. It's a film I wouldn't mind rewatching for next year, especially if it's a rainy day.

#7: Final Girl (2015)

The plot: A teenage girl is trained in rigorous self-defense techniques by a mysterious man for the purpose of combating those who seek to wrong others.

My thoughts: As trite as that premise may sound, it's still very interesting in execution, especially if one is familiar with horror movie tropes like the defenseless teenage girl who wins at the end despite all odds against her. It's decently acted and directed, it runs at just the right length, and if I have any complaints about it, I just wish we went into this movie with our killers believing that this was just going to be another of their victims so that we could be surprised at the turn of events. Other than that mil critique, it's a quaint, simple film that you could watch on Netflix on a rainy day like the previous movie above.

#8: ThanksKilling (2008)

The plot: A 500-year-old talking turkey is brought back to life via dog urine on his grave and intends to kill the nearest people nearby.

My thoughts: This movie was an abominable piece of shit that's as unbelievable in every way as the premise that I laid out above. I'm not even joking about the dog piss thing either; that's how the killer comes back. The filmmaking here is student-level amateurish, the acting in it is jaw-droppingly bad, and this film's attempts at trying to be humorous make me want to punch a cat. Never watch this movie ever.

#9: Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)

The plot: Ten years after his killing spree in 1978's Halloween and 1981's Halloween II, Michael Myers has returned (as the title would indicate). With his sister Laurie Strode having died in a car accident in between films, Michael's new target is his niece, Jamie Lloyd, and his titular return renews the carnage that his psychiatrist, Dr. Sam Loomis, must stop.

My thoughts: A fairly dull film that's only half as decent as the first two films and nowhere near as entertaining as the third. The acting on the parts of Donald Pleasance as Dr. Loomis and Danielle Harris's turn as Jamie Lloyd were the bright spots in this film, and the ending is famous for being one of the most shocking things in this series that is never followed up on. Unfortunately, I can't recommend anyone watch this, whether you're a normie or a Halloween fan, especially considering what follows...

#10: Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

The plot: Pretty much the same shit as the last movie only with more self-aware corniness this time around and a shittier Michael Myers mask.

My thoughts: Ditto from what the plot described. I feel bad for Pleasance and Harris here, they are way too good for this movie.

#11: Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)

The plot: Michael Myers finally kills his niece Jamie Lloyd, but now must go after her child as per instructions from the Cult of Thorn. But not if Dr. Loomis, Kara Strode, and Tommy Doyle have anything to say about it!

My thoughts: If you thought that how I delivered this plot wasn't exactly all that Halloweeny, believe me, this movie doesn't deserve to be treated with that kind of respect. I honestly don't want to say anything more about this movie except for these two things: what an awful last movie for Donald Pleasance to go out on before he died, and for a first movie, who woulda thought that Paul Rudd could be so damn boring?

#12: Halloween II (2009)

The plot: Director Rob Zombie takes one last shit on the Halloween franchise after his 2007 remake of the first movie debacle. Is it sad that this movie gets less of a respectful plot synopsis than the last three Halloween movies discussed on this list?

My thoughts: I saw Rob Zombie's 2007 Halloween remake in the theater, and it was one of the worst movies I'd seen on the big screen. I'm so glad I missed out on this one when this came out in theaters because holy fuck, this one makes Zombie's first Halloween look like a masterpiece in comparison. I could go on to explain why for those of you haven't seen these movies, but all I have to do is point you to Phelan Porteus's reviews of Rob Zombie's Halloween movies; he'll explain it all.

#13: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

The plot: Deranged child murderer Fred Krueger returns from the dead in the form of a dream demon to kill the teenage offspring of the people who murdered him through those teenagers' dreams.

My thoughts: Finally, a legitimately good movie on this list that I don't have to dismiss as just mindless fun or even scary but with a bad payoff at the end like with Silent Hill. This movie is good even if you're not a horror fan; I whole-heartedly recommend this. And if nothing else, it's interesting to see how young Johnny Depp was, what with this being his first movie, and I could see just what the ladies saw in him back then.

#14: A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)

The plot: Freddy's back! And this time, he intends to enter the real world through the form of a troubled teenage boy who may or may not have some repressed feelings about himself...

My thoughts: This movie is about as subtle in its homo-eroticism as a series of Michael Bay explosions (not that I'm against homo-eroticism, since I'm a bisexual myself, I just think that this movie was a little too on the nose with that kind of stuff). And while I did find this movie to be surface-level enjoyable for the creative kills, I can't help but think that this was kind of dull, especially in comparison to the first film and as we move forward with the other sequels. The worst part about this is that I find myself scratching my head as to why this is a Nightmare on Elm Street movie when, in spite of the use of dreams here, this doesn't really feel like the Freddy Krueger we know from the first movie nor does this hold up with the character we see in the subsequent sequels. I don't know how to explain it, but somehow, Freddy's characterization seems off in this one. In spite of this film's inclusion of homo-eroticism, something we seldom see in movies like this, I have no problem saying that you can skip this one.

#15: A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

The plot: Nancy Thompson, the sole survivor of the first Nightmare on Elm Street, returns with Freddy Krueger this movie, and this time, she intends to help his intended victims fight back. In a sanitarium for suicidal teens with sleep disorders, Freddy intends to kill the last of the Elm Street children. But Nancy intends to utilize the help of one of the teens, Kristen Parker, who has the special ability to unite people into a single dream space and allow them to develop their own dream powers to counter Freddy.  But Freddy isn't as easy to defeat as one may think.

My thoughts: Honestly, this is as good of a sequel as the first Nightmare on Elm Street deserved, as it's a unique take that manages to continue the story of the first in a natural yet unorthodox way, not unlike what Aliens did with Alien. The horror of the first film may be toned down significantly here, but at least the story was interesting, the characters were fun to watch, and Freddy is so much fun here. I recommend it for how Inception-y this movie can get, even if this doesn't have the same level of intelligence as that movie did.

#16: A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)

The plot: Despite his defeat at the end of the previous film, Freddy Krueger is resurrected and he finally accomplishes his goal of murdering the last of the Elm Street children, accomplishing his goal once and for all. However, Freddy isn't so satisfied; he wants more children and teens to kill, and he will get more, through Kristen Parker's friend, Alice Johnson, to whom Kristen gave her dream-sharing ability. So unless Alice can find a way to stop Freddy, the latter's fun could continue...

My thoughts: I think it's safe to say this is the point in the franchise when all the horror in Freddy Krueger is pretty much gone and replaced with fun schlocky Freddy. And you know what? I'm okay with that, because it's always great to see Robert Englund have fun in this role. And in spite of the writing not being as strong as it was in the first and third films, I still find myself caring about our characters like Alice, and I was genuinely saddened when the last of the Dream Warriors died. It's rare when I can actually feel that kind of sadness for dead meat characters like these. Fun watch, would recommend, but be prepared to look at Freddy in a different light. And stay around after the credits, as Freddy sings a hilarious rap that just made me smile.

#17: A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989)

The plot: Freddy just can't stay dead, for now he has a new dream master to kill people through: Alice Johnson's unborn child, who spends 70% of his life in a dream state in his mother's womb. So how can Alice defeat Freddy this time without having to sacrifice her dream child in the process?

My thoughts: “Faster than a bastard maniac! More powerful than a loco-madman! It's Super-Freddy!” If you don't know what that scene is, I urge you to look it up, as it's the best scene of the whole movie and it really capitalizes on just how much of a joke Freddy Krueger has become at this point in the series. However, unlike the bastardization of a character like Michael Myers in, say, one of Rob Zombie's Halloween movies, Freddy is still an enjoyable enough character where even one who despises the Nightmare sequels overall can still find little jewels like the aforementioned line. Give it a watch if only for just that one scene.

#18: Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)

The plot: Freddy Krueger has all but run out of kills in his hometown, and now he wants to expand nationally. But not if his daughter has anything to say about it!

My thoughts: This has become pure comedy at this point. But my God this is golden. When one of this movie's kills is an extended scene of a guy jumping around with cartoonish sound effects to boot while dreaming that he's in a video game being played by Freddy, you know that the filmmakers know what kind of movie they're making. And I enjoyed this as one of the most guilty pleasure films I'd ever seen. I do think that the film ended on a somewhat anticlimactic note, but alas, the film was an interesting end to Freddy's evolution as a character of horror to a character of dark comedy, and for that, I recommend this one.

#19: Halloween (2018)

The plot: Forty years after he terrorized Haddonfield, Michael Myers has once again escaped from Smith's Grove Hospital to return to where his reign of terror all started. But this time, the one who got away, Laurie Strode, is ready for him... but her daughter and granddaughter may not be.

My thoughts: Aside from Jamie Lee Curtis's fantastic performance in this film, I thought this was just a run-of-the-mill horror film that's competent enough and has its moments but is otherwise forgettable if you forget that this is a Halloween film. If you're a Halloween fan, I think you'll be satisfied; it's certainly better than the majority of its sequels (especially The Curse of Michael Myers and Resurrection) but that's all.

#20: Meet the Blacks (2016)

The plot: During the Purge, the Black family (yes, that's their last name, and yes, the film does make several racially inappropriate jokes about it) move into an upper class white neighborhood where they are confronted by their patriarch's past in the forms of those he's financially wronged in some way or another.

My thoughts: This is only the second worst movie I've seen for this retrospective (yes, ThanksKilling is number one). Aside from all the racist jokes going on here, this movie is just a failure of a comedy and as a spoof/satire of the Purge franchise. It doesn't say anything new or fresh or in any interesting ways, and in fact, some of the “comedy” here just doesn't make any sense (then again, I just might be missing out on a reference, as if that's supposed to justify bad comedy). This movie may have been less than 90 minutes, but my God, it felt like an eternity having to slog through this piece of shit. Do I honestly even need to say skip this one?

#21: The Rezort (2015)

The plot: Years after the cancellation of the zombie apocalypse, the remaining zombies have been rounded up to an island owned by a private company where people can come and pay as tourists to shoot zombies. But when a conscientious objector sabotages the island's systems, the zombies quickly take over and many people die. So a small group of tourist survivors must reach a rendezvous point at the end of the island if they are to escape not only the zombies but also a strafing bombardment meant to eliminate the zombie outbreak.

My thoughts: For a movie that was obviously conceptualized as Jurassic Park (or Jurassic World since this park is actually running) but with zombies instead of dinosaurs, this movie ain't half-bad. The characters are nothing to write home about, although there is a Dirty Harry-type I was routing for the entire movie, and the action and plot are pretty standard for a zombie flick. Still, it's a mildly fun time and I recommend you give it a go.

#22: Scream (1996)

The plot: A mysterious serial killer who is savvy in the ways of the slasher subgenre of horror is gradually killing off various people around high schooler Sidney Prescott. So who could it be?

My thoughts: Talk about a standard slasher flick elevated by the principle of being meta. I enjoyed it, yes, and with the way the film is constructed as a whodunit, it certainly manages to stand out as above average overall. I could see how this was revolutionary back in the 1990s, but now, with pretty much every single genre movie being self-aware in some way or another, I just kind of shrug my shoulders at it as an experience. I think it helps if you're familiar with the slasher subgenre if you're to watch this, but I think it's a good enough film to stand on its own to someone who hasn't seen a slasher flick their whole lives, if only for the story.

#23: Hush (2016)

The plot: A woman with an instinctive writer's mind who is both deaf and mute in a cabin in the woods is thrust into a deadly cat-and-mouse game with a deranged serial killer who wants to toy with her before he kills her.

My thoughts: This is a movie that squeezes every bit of tension and suspense it can in the eighty-something minutes it has, and it makes good use of that tension and suspense in conjunction with its expert pacing. At no point did I think anything was dragged out; everything here was just as long as it needed to be, and it was all resolved in a satisfactory (and quite bloody) way that left me feeling, “Yep, that was a good time.”

#24: The Bye Bye Man (2017)

The plot: There is a demonic entity known as the Bye Bye Man who will psychologically torture you before he kills you if you think or say his name. And he's doing that to three young adults who are all living together in a haunted house. Yeah...

My thoughts: A very forgettable, subpar horror film with an antagonist with an awful name and no memorable appearance. Skip.

#25: Scream 2 (1997)

The plot: One year after the Woodsboro killings, Sidney Prescott is once again haunted by the return of Ghostface as she is attending college this time around. But who could Ghostface be this time? And what meta-commentaries could this movie bring forth about the slasher genre and sequels both?

My thoughts: This is a film that feels like it was planned out from the beginning as a companion piece to the first film; by that, I mean that it feels like writer Kevin Williamson always intended to have this movie be made after Scream had come out. And considering that this movie was released only a year after its predecessor, I think that theory may be true (then again, I haven't done any research for this movie, so for all I know, Williamson and Wes Craven didn't even intend for there to be a sequel in the first place). Regardless, this feels like a natural progression of the first film and while not necessarily surpassing it in terms of quality, I feel like it lives up to the first Scream in a satisfactory way.

#26: Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)

The plot: After years of killing horny teenage counselors at Camp Crystal Lake, Jason Voorhees is finally blown away into literal bits and pieces by the FBI. However, his spirit lives on as his essence is passed on from person to person until he can find a permanent new body through a living blood relative, and all the while, his killing spree resumes.

My thoughts: As a movie that was intended to be the finale to Jason Voorhees, this did have some silly moments in it like Freddy's Dead but not nearly as over-the-top. And it is a little disappointing to not have Jason in his prime form like he was in Friday the 13th Part VI to VIII and, again, it was a little bit more disappointing than Freddy's Dead (which is far more entertaining), especially since this movie retcons so much of Jason's mythology that it feels like no one who worked on this movie has ever seen a Jason movie. So, yeah, I can't recommend this one unless you're a Friday the 13th fan (and even then, I don't think you'll like it).      

#27: Terrifier (2016)

The plot: A mute man in a creepy clown costume stalks multiple victims in a condemned apartment complex with ruthless killing methods that make him worthy of the moniker Terrifier.

My thoughts: Holy shit, this movie was fucking creepy... and I fucking loved it. Of course, I can't recommend it to everyone, as this movie was also ridiculously over-the-top with its violence and gore. I don't want to give anything away, but as an example, there is a scene that involves our killer, Art the Clown, with a saw and a woman's who's upside down that's one of the most shocking things I've seen... and, again, I fucking loved it. It was an unnerving film that's worthy of having been watched for this month.

#28: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016)

The plot: Take Jane Austin's feminist classic Pride and Prejudice and then shoe-horn a half-baked zombie plot into it. Okay...

My thoughts: I'm not familiar with Pride and Prejudice, so I went into this completely blind. But with that being said, I still thought that this was one of the most pointless, unfunny and unexciting parodies I've seen. The action scenes aren't all that good and it makes me wonder why this was adapted to the big screen. And as for the parts that are actually in Pride and Prejudice (at least as far as I can guess), I thought they were competently done, but they're just not for me. I guess someone who really Pride and Prejudice might like it, but that's only if they have a taste for zombie violence, too. Otherwise, skip this one; it's just dull.

#29: Zombeavers (2014)

The plot: A container of radioactive waste falls from a truck and floats down a river to infect a number of beavers that are nearby a cabin where a bunch of horny teenagers are. And those beavers become zombie beavers, or zombeavers.

My thoughts: I thought I was going into a movie that was going to be on the same level of bad as ThanksKilling, but thankfully, while the comedy isn't anything to write home about, the acting is at least competent and I was amused by the events that were going on. It was interesting to see what would happen if a zombeaver infected a human, and there were decent amount of subverting of expectations as to who was going to die first and who would live (and not in a Rian Johnson way either). I could see this movie not working for everyone, but it's fun enough as a creature feature with a supernatural element to it.

#30: Event Horizon (1997)

The plot: In 2047, a spaceship dubbed the Event Horizon mysteriously reappears near the edge of Earth's solar system and a salvage team is sent to investigate what happened. But as they arrive, they find that the ship may be more than just a ship now...

My thoughts: As much as I'd love to see what this movie would have looked like had the filmmakers not toned back on the violence and gore, I was still satisfied by what we got here. Sam Neill delivers a deliciously evil performance once Dr. Weir goes to the dark side that it practically borders on Tim Curry territory, and I thought the movie was a good space horror film that was just original enough to be its own thing and not be a knockoff of, say, Alien. Give it a watch; the violence you do see here ain't that bad.

#31: Halloweed (2016)

The plot: A couple of stoners move to a small town so that one of them can get away from the reputation of being the son of a now-dead serial killer. But what these stoners don't know is that they've arrived just in time for a slew of killings to start as Halloween approaches.

My thoughts: I'm mentally kicking myself for having this be the movie I ended the month of October on. This was one of the lamest comedies I've ever seen in my life; I can't remember laughing at all in this bland turd. And it could hardly qualify as a slasher film since the slasher killings don't start until there's about 49 minutes left in the film, and even then, it's barely focused on for the rest of the movie until it's resolved at the end. Skip this and don't let it be anywhere on your viewing block for next Halloween.

And that's it. Those were all 31 of the films I'd seen for the month of Halloween, one for each day. It was quite a venture, but one worth the time if only for bragging rights if not for entertainment (especially since very few of these movies were any real good). So please leave a comment, let me know if you saw any of these movies, if not for this past Halloween, then if you have seen any of these at all, and if so, let me know if you agree or disagree. Until then, here's to better films next Halloween!

*This post has been paid for and sponsored by Silver Shamrock, Inc. When you want quality masks at affordable prices, and a guarantee that they won't unleash killer insects and snakes that will trigger a potential apocalypse, look no further for a Happy Happy Halloween, Silver Shamrock!