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#show the correct usernames
jitterbugbear · 3 months
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another bunch of artfight attacks/revenges ⚔️
characters (in order) belong to: bugcrimes, vnllbn & Snuf_spirit
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furbtasticworksofart · 7 months
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Velvette if she was a cyber vampire demon. who has dedicated her life to sucking the life out of people via social media.
You can sell your soul to her on livestream for exclusive content and discounts on her indie page. It’s actually a pretty great deal and she keeps her patrons updated with any of the lastest business and trends. If you extend your contract to the next 100 years you get to recommend the next video game she streams on Twitch, and premium advice on how to succeed at social media.
its not a pyramid scheme why would you say that pay 200 sins to sponser her latest merch sale now
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Remember kiddos, people will put you on a blocklist and try to ✨slander ✨ you because they don't read your tags if you have a nuanced opinion about anything
Obligatory "I'm not a terfy-werfy, not a racist, I just like shitposting about gay angels and David Tennant's fabulous existence"
I got called a 'crypto terf' lmao does that mean I get free bitcoin now
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monty-glasses-roxy · 1 year
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Oh shit I might be about to get in a wikiwar with someone who doesn't know what they're talking about with the funniest fucking name I dunno if I'll post publically or not lmao
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mintjeru · 2 years
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The symptoms you’re describing sounds a whole lot like burn out, which happens to the best of us when we push ourselves too long and hard past our limits. It definitely would seem easier to rely on external statistics (likes and reblogs/retweets) to determine the value of your work when you can’t see it yourself, but this is definitely something that can make you feel worse when the numbers don’t hit your expected target. Regardless of the size of your audience, it’s not unreasonable to want or desire for interaction and positive feedback for work you’ve put time and effort into producing, especially when you’ve done so with more limited resources (time/energy etc) than you had access to before. While it’s not a sure-fire way to cure burnout, taking a break and getting enough rest as well as allowing yourself some breathing space can help. Take care of yourself! Love your work—but don’t burn yourself down to the ground! There’s only one like and one reblog that I can give 😢 even if I want to give more…
hey anon! first, thank you for taking the time to write and send this in 🥺 second, it's a bit of a late reply bc i started crying while reading this for the first time and had to come back to it later ajdsdjfsjdf ;;;
you're probably right, i think it is burnout. i've been telling myself otherwise for months now bc i've been worried that the frequency of my posts has set myself up for others to expect something of me + not making art to share would be letting my followers down. but that's also locked me in a cycle of feeling guilty for either not drawing or making something that has no love behind it. logically, i know that taking a break would help, but i'm apparently not the best at allowing myself to take it easy 😅 still, i'll take your words to heart.
ty again for this, and i promise your one like and reblog is enough! i'm thankful that you leave notes on my posts and immensely grateful that you would even consider giving more <3
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satellitespinner · 8 months
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MODERN ELLIE HEADCANNONS
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modern!ellie who rides a beat up skateboard from when she was 15 everywhere. i mean everywhere your place, jesse’s, class. everywhere !
modern!ellie whose pen is never not in her hand, or deep denim pockets.
modern!ellie who tries to learn cool pen tricks while “finishing” her homework, but ends up hitting you with the pen..
modern!ellie who was your bestfriend before she was your girlfriend. you two were inseparable! (and irritating.)
modern!ellie who never fucking answers her texts.. it’s infuriating.
modern!ellie who sells weed on the side of working at a small café on campus. (she doesn’t like Starbucks) ((as she should))
modern!ellie who majors in astrophysics! that girl has been in love with space since she could talk. infact! her first word was planet!
modern!ellie who was unfortunately in the foster care system until she was adopted by the lovely man we all know as joel miller!!
modern!ellie whose username on all platforms is more likely to be something stupid than her actual name.
modern!ellie who refuses to turn on auto correct even though she so desperately needs it.
modern!ellie never cooks. ever! it’s either take-out or you forcing a homemade meal down her throat. (she doesn’t mind.)
modern!ellie who cuddles you like you’re married!
modern!ellie doesn’t play about her video game!!!! she will throw a tantrum!
modern!ellie’s playlist consists of hard rock, indie and atleast some rap.
modern!ellie who just shows up at your house?? at let’s herself in!!! the disrespect.. (you don’t care..)
imagine you come home from a long, stressed-filled day. juggling work and exam week AND the weight of being the baddest bitch on campus has really been weighing on you lately; causing you to (as she calls it) neglect ellie..
you walk in, shoulders slumped and release a heavy sigh as you drop your things down on the kitchen table when your bestfriend walks out of your bathroom like nothing.
“hello?” you say, your face morphing from scared to un-impressed as you realize the person in your home was not an intruder.
“hey babe” she says quietly as she walks over to you, slowly watching you as you put your things away.
“how many times have i told you. the extra key i gave you is for emergencies.” you lecture. not really caring as much as you led on to be.
“there was an emergency though!” she argues. you give her a look of scepticism. “and what would that be?” you roll your eyes.
“we haven’t hung out in three days! hello?! i’ve barely seen you since monday!” she whines.
“i’ve been busy, that’s all.”
“busy?”
“yeah.” you whisper, palming your eyes out of fatigue. she gives you a half smile as she realizes that you’re not in the mood for her god awful attitude.
“awh, ‘cmere” the next thing you know your letting yourself relax into ellie’s arms as she rubs your back and gently soothes the tension in your body.
“you wanna go lay down?” she looks down at you and asks. hee voice remaining in the same low whisper as before.
“yeah, please.” you say before she grabs your hand and pulls you into your bedroom. she insists on making you feel better at this point and who are you to stop her??
she opens your pajama drawer and pulls out a big baggy shirt and some shorts, “put these on.” she says as she walks around the bed to the night table, switching the lamp on and peeling back the blanket.
she somehow managed to keep her eyes to herself and when your done she carefully slides into bed next to you. “you comfy?” she asks.
“im good.” god you can already feel your eyes closing. ellie slowly pulls you into her arms and rubs small circles on your stomach as she lulls you into tranquility. eventually you both fall asleep; what seemed to be the weight of the world lifting of your shoulders.
for now.
modern!ellie who had a crusty white dog but it went missing and she never saw it again.
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Mad Season 2
Warnings: non/dubcon, social anxiety, chronic illness, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.
My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.
Character: Bucky Barnes, Peter Parker
Summary: a class project gets messy. (short!reader)
Note: yes I'm being irresponsible.
As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️
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‘So sorry I’m running behind. May forgot her wallet’. You reread Peter’s message for the fifth time and check the time under the bubble. More than forty minutes ago. He has to be close. 
You thought of checking but you don’t want to pressure him. Besides, he is doing a favour by bringing you to Stark Tower to let you use the space with him. You turn and pace along the wall, out of the way of the New York pedestrians who wouldn’t even notice if you got underfoot. 
You thought of waiting in the lobby but that’s too much. You focus on breathing. You feel alright for the moment, but a few times, you’ve reached for your inhaler just out of habit.  
“Hey,” a voice draws you out of your mounting anxiety, bringing you back down to just above neutral. “Door’s open, you know?” 
You face Bucky as he holds open of the many glass doors. 
You nod and teeter on your heels. “I know, sir. Just waiting.” 
“Bucky,” he corrects you. Like last time. Oops. “Waiting on the kid?” You gesture affirmatively again. He waves you over casually with a gloved hand, “come on. I can get ya into the lab.” 
“Mm, ahem,” you clear your throat, it’s getting tight. You get closer as the noise of the street makes it hard to hear your own thoughts. “That’s nice but I said I’d wait here.” 
“Busy,” he comments and his eyes roll around derisively. “Should be out here on the street. Let the kid know you’ll be upstairs.” 
There’s no arguing with him, not that you would ever dare. You’re not afraid of him. Maybe intimidated but who doesn’t make you feel small. No, he’s Bucky Barnes, an Avenger. You have no ground to tell him no. Besides, he’s being nice even if his tone remains mostly indifferent. 
“Thanks, s—Bucky,” you muster a tight-lipped smile. 
He holds the door and you flit in ahead of him, your wool jacket flapping and brushing against him. He follows. You hurry ahead then stop short as you realise you don’t know where you going. As you do, a man in a suit huffs and nearly knocks you over with his arm. 
“Watch it, little girl.” He sneers. 
“Hey,” Bucky catches him by his tie, “what’d you say to the lady?” 
You spin around in shock, rubbing your arm at the suddenness of it all. 
“N-nothing, I--” the man blinks in fear. “Nothing, she just got in my way.” 
“You knocked into her and you can’t say sorry?” Bucky pulls him closer, glaring at him with a furrow of his nose. 
“N-no,” the man shows his palms, “no.” 
“Look at her. She’s half your size, pal. You think she could hurt you?” 
“No, no, look, I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” The man sputters. 
“Not to me,” Bucky slides his hand down the man’s tie and pulls him like a dog on a leash toward you, “her.” 
The man blanches and gulp, “look, miss, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you. I shouldn’t have... I should look where I’m going.” 
“Good boy,” Bucky’s snarl comes close to a smirk as he lets the man go and taps his cheek lightly. “Go.” 
He shoves the man by the shoulder and you bat your eyes dumbly. You watch him go as Bucky looms close. You look at him and reach for your bag. You unzip the pouch at the end of the thin strap and pull out your inhaler. You take a puff. 
His expression softens, “oh, is that me?” 
You shake your head, “too many people.” 
“Ah, right,” he points toward the elevators. 
You follow him as he bulldozes through the bodies and pushes the button. You stop beside him and fidget with your inhaler. You peek over at him again. He looks down at you and you wince. 
“Sorry... I...” 
“People usually only stare when I got the arm out,” he shrugs. “I got something on my face? Damn beard catches.”  
Brushes his fingers over the thicket of hair across his jaw. You shake your head again. 
“S-sorry. I... I...” you sniff as the doors open and he beckons you ahead of him. You scurry on and he follows as a slow pace. He spins and jabs the buttons.  
“Thanks for... for helping.” 
“Not at all,” he says. Silence rises with the elevator. He coughs. “You know, I had a buddy with ashthma. Still my buddy but he don’t got the asthma no more.”  
He snorts. You mull his words. You think know who he means.  
“The stuff or whatever... got rid of it?” You ask meekly. 
“Yeah, the stuff. Serum. Poison,” he scoffs. 
“Oh,” you hum. 
“Guess I take it for granted. Never had to worry about much of the being sick part. Sister did. Yeah, she used to always have something,” he clicks his tongue. “Tell me when to shut up.” 
“No, no, I wouldn’t... wouldn’t ever,” you stutter. 
Another lulls fills the elevator as it opens, but the tension remains trapped inside. He points you out first and waits to trail after you. You come out onto the floor. You vaguely recognise some of the acrylic decor and the stiff looking chairs but you don’t know where to go. 
“Left,” he directs you with a gentle caress down your sleeve. “Easy to get lost when you don’t waste your life here." 
You let him guide you. You’d lose yourself without him. It’s exactly why you’d been out on the street.  
That reminds you of Peter. You reach for your bag again and pull out your phone. You check for a message. 
“Kid standing a nice gal like you up?” He asks. 
You flinch, “uh, no, his aunt... there was an emergency.” 
“More important than you, huh?” He pivots and presses his finger to the keypad. The door opens. 
“I don’t... I don’t know. It’s not a big deal.” 
He looks at you, his eyes narrowing, “you’re not a big deal?” 
“No, waiting isn’t... isn’t that bad,” you stammer. “Uh, thanks, again.” 
“Well, you know, in my day, we treated ladies with respect. Let me know if the kid needs a lesson or two,” he taps the doorframe. “I’ll check in, just in case.” 
“You don’t have to.” 
“I know I don’t,” he says. “Go on,” he nods through the door. 
You don’t hesitate. You enter the lab with another thanks, eager to have some time to yourself. You go to the table and untangle your knapsack. You look back just as the door starts to slide shut. You only get a glimpse of his eyes before he’s blocked out by the metal barrier. You can feel his gaze staining you. 
You know it must be all in your head but he is so intense. Not as angry as last time but still... a lot. 
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comicaurora · 2 months
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I just got a hate anon telling me to KYS for attempting to correct a misinformation campaign about the doxxing of a transwoman BTW.
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that is awful and I'm sorry it's happened, I do not condone internet harassment of any kind.
I will point out that I tried to keep your username out of this whole debacle and I am not the one who set the tone on this situation. you showed up in my askbox already in the middle of a fight I was not and am not having. I do not condone this reaction, but this being the internet I cannot stop it except by not posting anything you send, which is explicitly not what you want from me considering how you're reblogging and fighting absolutely everybody in the notes. I did what I could to shield you.
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sebscore · 2 years
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Came from ur fem!driver HCs and now I have ideas:
- The origin story of George’s ‘Russy Bussy’ nickname🤣
- Y/N hazing Oscar, Nyck and Logan in Abu Dhabi because as Valterri says, ✨traditions✨
- Y/N and Pierre gossiping abt Piastrigate w/ Yuki, Zhou and Charles (cuz oh my lordy-ord THE DRAMAFEST that was the summer break and Seb’s retirement😭)
THE ORIGIN OF RUSSY BUSSY
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pairing: george russell x driver!reader / alex albon x driver!reader / lando norris x driver!reader
warnings: the word “bussy” 😭
author's note: i mean everything you need to know is in the title :) yes, this is a reference to that one eric name tweet from 2019! tysm to the anon for the requests!!
• • • • • • •
''Did you see what George tweeted earlier?'' Alex asked her while they waited for the rest of the grid to arrive at the driver's briefing.
Y/N shook her head. ''No, why?''
Alex simply chuckled and pulled out his phone, opening the Twitter app and typing in George's username. He laughed once again, before showing the tweet in question to her.
GeorgeRussell63: New race week! Let's get busssy everyone!
Y/N's jaw dropped, in shock that the Brit actually had posted that on his official and very public Twitter account. ''You know for a guy that likes to correct my grammar, he sure does make a lot of spelling mistakes.''
''I don't think he's realized yet what it means.'' The Williams driver told her, putting his phone back in his pocket.
''Hey, guys.'' Lando took the seat next to his female friend, sighing as he sat down. ''What are you two talking about?''
''George's bussy.''
The three bursted out laughing, gathering some confused looks from the other drivers in the room. Lando seemed to immediately understand what they were referring to.
''I thought I was the only one that noticed.'' He said, trying to calm himself down.
''I was gonna tweet something back at him, but I didn't want people to make fun of the fact that I know what it means.'' Alex explained.
Lando and Y/N nodded at his words, understanding that fans can remember these things for years to come. ''I wanna see his face the moment he finds out what it means.'' She said, rubbing her hands together like a villain would when creating their masterplan.
''Me too, it's gonna be hilarious, our Russell George.''
''Should we let him figure it out on his own or do we tell him?'' Alex asked, debating if they should explain the meaning to him.
Y/N shook her head. ''He should figure it out on his own, maybe with a bit of our help though.'' The mischief in her eyes didn't go unnoticed by Lando and Alex, the two already started to grin.
As if on queue, George and Lewis walked into the room, and briefly greeted everyone. George was about to sit down next to Sebastian, but he was quickly interrupted from doing that.
''Hey, Russy Bussy! Come sit with us!'' Y/N called him over, a teasing smirk present on her face.
The nickname caused some stifled laughter in the room, particularly from Pierre, Daniel, Lando and Alex. Meanwhile George awkwardly looked around as he made his way over to them.
''Hi, guys.'' He sat down next to Alex, a puzzled look on his face.
Lando briefly took a glimpse at Y/N before speaking. ''You guys are later than usual, you had a bussy morning?'' He asked, trying his best to not start cackling.
''Yeah, we had to film something with the team…'' George hesitantly answered, totally unaware what they were laughing about. ''Why are you saying busy like that?'' He asked the younger guy, putting his hand on his waist.
''Oh, isn't that how you say it?'' Alex said, feigning innocence. ''Yeah, or tweet it.'' Y/N added, having too much fun teasing the Mercedes driver.
''I can't follow, guys.'' George was visibly running out of patience with the teasing.
''Oh, crikey! He doesn't know what we are talking about.'' Y/N mimicked George's speech, continuing the mocking.
Alex was the one to cave in first. ''We're talking about your latest tweet, Russell.''
''What about it?'' He obviously still hadn't realized what had been so wrong with his spelling of the word 'busy'.
''You still don't know?'' Lando said wide-eyed, surprised George still hadn't been made aware of the entire thing.
''Know what?''
Lando and Alex turned to Y/N, pleading with their eyes that she explains it to him. She rolled her eyes, but succumbed.
''In your tweet it sounded like you said 'bussy' instead of 'busy', and let's say the two words have completely different meanings.'' She clarified.
George nodded, understanding the fault he made. ''Okay… then what does it mean?''
''With 'bussy' you're referring to a man's, uh, anus.''
They could see the gears turning in George's head, starting to comprehend why he received the reactions he did to what he assumed was a normal tweet. He had given the internet another reason to clown him for an entire season.
''Oh, good heavens!''
''But hey! Look at it from the bright side, your gay fans must be very happy right now!''
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svsss-fanon-exposed · 9 months
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Examining SVSSS Canon: 1/∞
SHEN YUAN'S PIDW-READING TIMELINE
One question and argument that comes up frequently in SVSSS fandom is, how long did Shen Yuan read PIDW for? Was he following it from early serialization, or did he simply binge everything toward the end?
This question isn't exactly one that is easy to answer either-- considering that there are actually various direct quotes that could be read in contradiction to one another regarding it.
Based on the information in the novel, we are left with several potential theories as to Shen Yuan's reading timeline. In this post, I will be presenting these theories, along with supporting evidence from the novel.
Theory #1: Shen Yuan picked up PIDW and binge-read it from beginning to end for the first time in 20 days before dying
This theory is directly supported with a quote:
He’d spent twenty days binging the novel from start to finish, so he had clean forgotten that whump-filled arc of pointless abuse that covered Luo Binghe’s beginnings at the sect, okay?! (7 Seas, Ch. 1)
In the original text, this line is 他可是看了二十天才看完的. Broken down, this is literally "he indeed read it (他可是看了), it took him twenty days (二十天才)to read the whole [novel] (看完的)."
*note 可是 may also be equivalent to "however" or "but" in some circumstances, but is generally used to provide emphasis.
However, depending on where one puts the emphasis and pairs syllables in the last part, there could be different interpretations. If read as 看 完的 it implies "read the entire thing," but if read as 看完 的,it implies "finished reading." I read it the first way, but I don't know if that is the "most correct," so there is some ambiguity there.
It is also implied later that PIDW was already very long and full of plot holes when he began reading it:
So, if back when he’d just opened this baffling book, this Proud Immortal Demon Way, which was so full of landmines that it was practically high art, to the point that those landmines had become its very style... He would definitely have grabbed the brick that was the entire fifty-volume set and showed them what their brains looked like when splattered across the ground. (7 Seas, Ch. 21)
Though this could be related to the final length of the novel, and the "fifty-volume set" is likely exaggeration or metaphor. In one of his forum posts, he also says:
I understand what OP is feeling. I’ve been reading this novel lately, and it’s so damn long—long and pumped full of filler... ...All my fellow readers have already roasted the setting for the last three hundred thousand words, so I won’t say more on that. (7 Seas, Ch. 26)
This part where he says he has been reading the novel lately, implies that he began not too long ago, rather than following it for years. Of course, Airplane already at this point finds his username and comments familiar:
His eyes automatically highlighted that familiar ID “Peerless Cucumber.” (7 Seas, Ch. 26)
So it could also be said that he is downplaying his dedication with that statement. He does, however, state that the other readers have roasted the setting, but doesn't mention that he himself has done so. Additionally, the "three-hundred thousand words" mentioned may refer to the comment section, not the novel itself, so there is still some ambiguity to that point.
Theory #2: Shen Yuan has been reading PIDW long-term throughout serialization
There are multiple quotes directly supporting this theory:
He could guarantee it on all the youth and frustrations he’d wasted following this twenty-million-word-plus serialization for years. (7 Seas, Ch. 6)
and
Everything that had happened before was as unto smoke. From today forth, as he walked the jianghu, he would use this ID, which had been plastered all over the comments section for years. (7 Seas, Ch. 9)
The second quote may refer to comments sections on Zhongdian literature in general, but the first one is more directly referring to PIDW. There is a slim but unlikely possibility that he referrs to the years he has spent within the PIDW universe, rather than just reading the novel. That possibility is made even less likely by the following quote:
Next, let a veteran reader of this novel, Shen Yuan, omit the countless fanservice-y details and concisely summarize the million-word epic for everyone… (7 Seas, Ch. 1)
Where it refers to him as a veteran reader of PIDW specifically (and this TL is consistent with the original implications). It's unlikely for him to be referred to as a veteran reader if he had only been reading the novel for twenty days.
As one can see, if you go by either of the above theories, there are direct conflicts and contradictions, and arguments to be made either way. This could be written off as inconsistency. However, there are two additional options and theories which can resolve those conflicts.
Theory #3: Shen Yuan had been a casual reader of PIDW for years, but rushed to finish reading it through to the end in 20 days
One possibility is that Shen Yuan had been reading PIDW casually over several years, but wasn't caught up by the time his death drew near. Shen Yuan's cause of death is a matter for another post, so I won't discuss it here, but the following quote lends some support to this reading:
“Dumbfuck author, dumbfuck novel!” With his dying breath, Shen Yuan spat this final curse. Who could have imagined that an upstanding young man like him—who had properly purchased the website’s VIP currency and read the novel’s official version—would find himself persevering before his untimely death to finish a novel so stallion, so money-grubbing and overly padded, that it left him speechless with rage? How could he not curse? (7 Seas, Ch. 1)
Here, it seems that Shen Yuan may have been aware of his upcoming death, and so he may have wanted to hurry and finish reading the novel before he died. In the original text, the phrase is: 临终之前坚持看完的, which can be broken down as "before his untimely/sudden death (临终之前), he persisted to finish reading [the novel] (坚持看完的), though this may also be read as "he persisted in reading the entire novel," depending on how one puts emphasis in the sentence (same issue as the first quote in theory 1). 临终 means literally "near the end," but is a term for death or one's deathbed. Another way to translate 临终之前 would be "before meeting his end."
So, because he was persisting/persevering in finishing the novel (either the whole thing or just to the end), it may be that he expected his incoming death, or that he simply wished to persist in reading the novel to its end and his death still occured unexpectedly.
坚持 implies some level of urgency or steadfastness, but it may not refer to reading the novel quickly, but simply dedication to slogging through all of the bad porn and reading it to the end, rendering this theory a bit shaky.
Theory #4: Shen Yuan had been reading PIDW since early serialization, but re-read the entire thing in the 20 days before his death
This theory would resolve all potential conflicts-- making it true that he both followed PIDW's serialization for years and read the whole novel in 20 days. As to why he re-read the full novel, perhaps it was because the final chapter had been posted or was coming up, and he wished to reread from the start in preparation for that-- this could also drive him into an even greater rage about the contents of the novel and how repetitive and filler-heavy it is, as this would become more and more obvious on a binge-reread from start to end.
One weakness in this theory, though (pointed out by @verycharismaticdragon) is that if he read it twice, it would be less likely for him to completely forget details as mentioned in the first quote. Not entirely impossible-- one can still forget details even after multiple read-throughs, but just less likely to completely forget.
Theory #5: When Shen Yuan began reading PIDW, he binged all available chapters in twenty days, before following it consistently afterwards.
(theory courtesy of @verycharismaticdragon)
While this would not be particularly likely if the quote from theory 1 and the quote from theory 3 were linked together, those two quotes don't necessarily have to be linked-- it's possible that Shen Yuan would have binged the entire novel as it was at the time he found it in twenty days, then decided to continue reading as it updated, persisting and persevering because he wanted to reach the end despite the novel's trashiness, and then ended up dying.
Particularly, this makes a lot of sense in the context of the following quote:
Even though this famous Lord Cucumber spewed criticism constantly and without end in “Great Master” Airplane’s comments sections, his subscription payments and demands for updates never waned. (7 Seas, Ch. 26)
If Shen Yuan hadn't been caught up with the novel (as theory 3 would state) then it wouldn't make quite so much sense for him to be demanding updates, and if he hadn't been reading it for even a full month, there was no reason for him to make consistent subscription payments.
*******
Ultimately, which theory you choose to believe depends somewhat on the way you view canon-- whether the seemingly contradicting statements were intentional, or whether they were merely a consistency error.
These are the only theories that I can think of, but feel free to add any additional theories + support quotes and analysis if you have them!
One final note, in regards to WHEN DID SHEN YUAN START READING?
If it's true that Shen Yuan began reading PIDW earlier in serialization, how early was that point? Was he reading it from the beginning, or did he start later?
I personally believe it was later. Though he says he was following the novel for years, that could mean anywhere from two to four years since the total serialization of PIDW took place over four years:
How could someone who’d cursed “dumbfuck author, dumbfuck novel” remember ancient content from the beginning of a serialized novel that had been running for four years and covered an in-narrative span of two hundred years? (7 Seas, Ch. 1)
While it's hard to place exactly when he started reading, it seems that Shen Yuan began to read PIDW before the Immortal Alliance Conference arc, as he discusses the novel's online performance before that point:
Before this event, Proud Immortal Demon Way’s performance online had been steadfastly lukewarm. But once the Immortal Alliance Conference Arc debuted, the reviews, comments, subscriptions, and tips all soared into the heavens. It wasn’t only because from that point forward, “Great Master” Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky abandoned the last of his already minimal moral principles... there was another important “it” factor. It was, in fact, the main element that had first compelled Shen Qingqiu to follow the novel until the end. The demonic beasts! (7 Seas, Ch. 4)
It also seems that he wasn't entirely dedicated to reading the novel before then. However, he may have caught up with the serialization a bit later-- for example, if he started reading just before the conference, he would have known that it was a little-known novel before, and been able to watch the rise in popularity in real time even if he himself hadn't caught up to the conference just yet, before only deciding to dedicate to reading the full novel once he caught up to that part.
There are many possibilities and uncertainties in regards to Shen Yuan's reading timeline, but I do think there is enough information here to form decently solid theories-- so I will leave it to my readers to decide, now that the information has been presented, which ones they think are most likely and which they wish to use in their analysis.
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genderkoolaid · 7 months
Note
Cw: "Aaron" Bushnell https://www.assignedmedia.org/breaking-news/bushnell-gaza-immolation-protest-trans-identity
I thought I should let you know if you didn't already. Rip Lilly
While there is evidence pointing to Lilly/Aaron being trans, I still think we should be careful in how we talk about it. I don't really have a problem agreeing that the username and the reddit history does feel like someone who, at least, is exploring their gender identity. A person who says they knew him/her in life is very insistent that s/he could not have been a trans woman based on private information. However, others who have said they spoke with him/her online frequently insist s/he went by Lilly and used she/her and he/him. Although I don't think there's any reason necessarily for those folks to be lying, I do wish there were actual screenshots of the pronoun use in discord servers? Given that rn the conversation is just People Online Making Claims.
I'm still unsure of how I feel we should talk about this tbh. Lilly/Aaron was very deliberate in how s/he presented his/her gender to the public. As the person interviewed says, I don't think Bushnell would be upset by being seen as trans if s/he was a cis man. But even if s/he was trans, I am hesitant to make assumptions about what is best for a trans person's legacy. The issue of trans recognition in death is very sensitive for most of us, so I understand why people are so invested in this. But it should be kept in mind that the discussion around Bushnell's gender should not overshadow support for Palestinians. That was his/her goal and its clear that s/he cared more about that than making a statement about his/her own gender. It is fully possible for a trans person to make the decision to let themselves be assumed cis, and be comfortable in that decision, and its not up to other trans people to decide whether they made the wrong decision with their own legacy.
Its possible s/he made that decision solely because s/he wanted to prevent his/her message from being derailed by transmisogyny. But again, that shows to me that s/he wanted more than anything for his/her death to be focused entirely on raising support for Palestine. I don't want to be patronizing about Lilly/Aarons's decisions and I definitely don't want any Discourse on this to do exactly what s/he was trying to avoid. Additionally, Bushnell is reported as having used he/she pronouns. The person who claims s/he used both uses both Aaron and Lilly. Its very easy for genderqueer and nonbinary people to have their identities reduced to binaries in death, even by other trans people. If s/he was trans, why are we making assumptions about if s/he was fine with being called a woman, or that s/he wasn't okay with being called a man? There is too much grey space and too much exorsexism that goes unchallenged in our community for me to not feel the need to point this out.
Anyways. I guess my Take on this is that both trans and suicidal people tend to have our choices undermined, and have people on all sides debate over what we Really mean and what we Really want. We are rarely seen as being the experts on ourselves, or having our autonomy respected even when it makes others confused or uncomfortable. I don't think anyone online discussing this can have a full picture of The Truth. Like I said, I don't think there's any reason to assume people claiming they knew Lilly and that s/he used she/her and he/him pronouns are lying right now. But more than anything I'm concerned that the debate over this could end up doing exactly what Lilly/Aaron was trying to avoid. And I don't think its my place to insist any trans person has to be out. I want to respect what s/he wanted for his/her legacy. I don't want him/her to be a trans hero if that results in detracting from his/her goals.
I think this is part of larger moral issue trans activists have to deal with when it comes to trans history: when is it okay for us to correct the language someone used for themselves? When is it illuminating and respectful, and when is it whitewashing someone's own self-perspective to fit our goals? Bushnell was extremely purposeful in everything s/he did as a part of his/her suicide, and that includes how s/he presented his/her gender. I don't want to disrespect those decisions.
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fawcetttweets · 2 months
Text
All Fawcett Tweets Masterlist (oldest to newest)
Storylines will have an acronym next to it to identify them! The current storylines are: Pig Migration (PM).
Tweets are normal links but private messages are blue with italics!
(The master list may be a few posts behind sometimes.)
The Cheese
Todays Foresight
The Walk of the Trees
#SassyCap
Pig Migration (PM1)
AITA?
Early Fish Gets The Caterpillar
ACAP (PM2)
Bake Sale
Secret Tweets (PM3)
Close Call
Protection (PM4)
#DoTheSmilesMatch
Pg 13
Automatic Response (PM5)
The B in ACAB (PM6)
Spare Change?
ASKS ARE CURRENLY OPEN! Suggest anything! May take me quite a while to answer since I don't post every day and have lots of asks, but I love getting them! These tweets take a lot of time and effort so please be patient :)
Any non-tweet posts are tagged as #Rambles if your interested in that! Some have additional information about the story and some are just me rambling!
If you’re interested in more Captain Marvel and DC fan fiction/fanart made by me, check out my main Tumblr, TikTok, and Ao3 accounts! All of them use the username @chaoticallyfluffy !
Disclaimer: I do not know every part of these characters backstories or personalities. This blog started out as civilians reacting to Captain Marvel because he’s the one I know the most about. I have not read any comics or watched any shows about anyone, I only know their characters through fanfiction and tumblr posts. if I get their characters wrong I’m very sorry, I’m still learning. I really enjoy these characters in a way that some people may not think is “correct” but I’m trying my best to make a fun silly blog for people to enjoy! This is also an alternate universe so I may change or stretch certain parts on purpose to fit the story. I will still try to only use characters I know a decent amount about, but they won’t be 100% accurate to canon. This blog is made for people to enjoy and if this is something that upsets you, keep scrolling or block me please.
Disclaimer TLDR: This is an AU and characters will be OOC sometimes. If you don’t like that, keep scrolling or block me.
Thank you for reading!
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lowkeyrobin · 4 months
Note
hiii I was wondering if I could request a sorry boys x reader? (Totally understand if not tho! Just Tommy, ranboo, Charlie, and Philza (: )
but the reader is like a streamer who just does art streams? I like to think of it as crumb-like streams? Anyway, the reader also has an idea for a possible indie show or comic or whatever they wanna make one day and they sometimes draw or animated stuff for that?
(also do you mind if I be the ⚠️ anon?)
oooo yeah of course! ; and welcome to the hotel ⚠️! love the reference haha ; anyways thank you for requesting, hope you enjoy! ; again, apologizing for how short this is
SORRY BOYS ; auti-artistic
summary ; youre an art streamer chilling with the sorry boys
warnings ; language
word count ; 504
masterlist
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You were currently live with Tommy and Phil at your sides, watching you draw. You usually streamed when you were working out the blocks for your upcoming comic, wanting to get some outside opinions from friends and chat as you worked.
Charlie and Ranboo's voices hung in your head over the Discord call, where you'd repeat their words to Tommy and Phil as they talked. Those two were streaming some weird simulation game, so you were listening to them babble with your volume on 10 as you worked, more so listening to Phil and Tommy. The blondes were giving you suggestions, compliments, and were talking about some movie they'd recently watched together.
You place your pen back down on the iPad screen, coloring in the blocks as you worked. You had numerous amounts of pallettes to make sure all the colors were correct, plus it made life easier in the long run.
"No, no, no!" Tommy waves his finger dangerously close in front of Phil's face, "That movie sucked. The dad can kiss my ass!"
"The dad was trying to save his kids, Tom!"
"By shooting their mum?!"
You slowly look up at your webcam, your jaw slightly agape, eyebrows furrowed. You listen as they both blabber on and on, talking about whatever plot there was to this random apocolypse movie that they'd seen.
"What are you talking about...?" You finally ask, looking slightly back and up at Tommy.
"Explaining to Phil about how he's wrong!"
"Okay, pal"
You turn back down to your iPad, continuing to color in the boxes as you had been. You flinch and push yourself back in your desk, hearing Charlie and Ranboo both scream into your ears.
"Jesus fuck, why are you screaming?!" You exclaim, bringing your mic closer to you to become louder.
"Charlie!-"
"No, that was your fault!"
You look over at chat, seeing some users explaining why you just got jumpscared with screams. Tommy and Phil had quieted down, looking at chat as well.
"No way you got that scared over a game." You deadpan at your webcam, knowing one of them had your stream up.
"Don't give me that look!" Charlie exclaims, "These ghosts are fucking scary, Y/n!"
"That's not my problem." You joke before deafening. The Discord ping rings in your ears before you're greeted by silence.
Tommy blinks before looking down at you. "So, like, what happened?"
"Some ghost scared them." You shrug, twirling your digital pencil in your fingers.
You glance at chat, seeing Charlie's green username and VIP star tag pop up. "tell ranboo to stop sumging them HLP ME"
You slowly nod, seeing that he was clearly typing in a rush. "Have fun with that, my guy"
Tommy chuckles, "Is he that desperate?"
"Guess so" Phil shrugs, "What are they even playing? I thought they were playing some stupid simulator game"
"No idea" You shrug, "But that gives me an idea for this comic-"
"Here we go again"
"Tommy, be supportive"
"I am supportive, I'm a fifth gay!"
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nicohischierz · 8 months
Text
a street interview: mason mctavish
tagging: @ivy-34, @francesfarhadi, @hzstry8, @cixrosie, @itsnotgray, @estapa94, @trevs-swiftie, @heartz4hischif you want to join the taglist let me know!!
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mason was walking through the mall with trevor and jamie when he got stopped by a girl holding a microphone.
"hi i have a podcast and this weeks theme is sports so I was wondering if you guys would be interested in answering a question on one of america's major sports," you spoke.
"what do you mean?" trevor asked, looking between his friends.
"well, i'll ask you a question from either the nhl, nba or mlb and if you guys answer it you can win a prize if you're interested," you explained.
the three boys looked at each other and nodded.
you turned to your friend and started rolling the camera. “okay choose a category, nhl, nba or mlb,”
trevor answered first “nhl.”
“the nhl is comprised of 32 teams with 7 of them being canadian. can you name the 7 canadian teams in the nhl?” you asked.
“toronto maple leafs!” mason exclaimed first.
the three then huddled into a group to think of the rest. “what about cole’s team?”
“montreal canadiens!”
“hey isn’t hughes in canada?” jamie asked
“omg the vancouver canucks!” trevor picked up on quickly.
“you guys have a minute to name the other four,” you prompted.
trevor looked at you appalled “hey, you never said it was timed!” he argued. you shrugged at him “now you know,”
“edmonton oilers and calgary flames,” mason added.
jamie and trevor tried their hardest to think of the last two teams but failing short they looked to mason.
“ottawa senators and umm i think the winnipeg jets,” he added.
you smiled at mason and nodded. “congratulations you guys are correct! and you’ve got a little prize. the three of you are the owners of the coffee hours podcast new merchandise and these tickets to the long beach indy car grand prix!” you handed the three their prize.
mason put his beanie on and smiled at the camera as trevor inspected everything.
you signalled to your friend to switch the camera off before turning to the three boys again. “you guys don’t have to keep the merch if you don’t want to but please use the tickets. my cousin gave them to me and i don’t know if i want to go,” you explained.
“i think my sister listens to your podcast,” trevor spoke. you smiled, your eyes twinkling at the realisation that people actually liked your content.
mason thought it was adorable.
"can i get your instagram," mason blurted.
jamie and trevor snickered at the boy as you gave him a warm smile. "sure," you held out your hand for his phone and put in your username.
it took mason three days to gain the confidence to message you. the boy stared at your profile for a whole hour before trevor forced him to say something.
"look she's half swiss and you were born in Switzerland, make conversation about that," trevor suggested.
mason shrugged. there wasn’t much to go on with that conversation starter and he knew deep down trevor also knew that.
zoe.fraser shared a video
zoe.fraser: you’re a hockey player?
“she messaged me!” mason exclaimed showing trevor and jamie his phone.
at that time, trevor’s girlfriend walked in as the boys discussed how mason should respond.
“i think you should send a shrugging emoji” - trevor
“maybe say you weren’t sure if she was a fan and didn’t think it was necessary to mention” - jamie
“girls like it when you’re a bit cocky” - trevor.
trevor’s girlfriend promptly hit her boyfriend over the head and asked mason for his phone.
“holy shit, that’s the host of the coffee hours podcast. i love her content, i always listen to her in my car,” she explained.
“mils, can you help mason?” jamie asked.
millie smiled and formulated a response.
masonmctavish: guilty 😅
zoe.fraser: well then i think you guys cheated
“you were in one of her video?!” millie exclaimed. trevor nodded and asked his girlfriend to continue her work.
masonmctavish: how about i make it up to you?
zoe.fraser: are you asking me out on a date?
masonmctavish: only if you say yes
zoe.fraser: friday 9:30, after your game
masonmctavish: you’ve got yourself a date
mason hugged millie before she moved over to trevor. millie patted the boys shoulder before settling in next to her boyfriend.
“i cant believe you met her. i would actually die and that’s saying a lot cause i’ve met fernando alonso and sebastian vettel,” millie mumbled.
trevor squeezed his girlfriends cheeks “i’ll give you the sweater she gave us. she said it was her first official merch,”
millie kissed her boyfriend before turning to mason. “you better not screw this date up,” she threatened lightly.
mason nodded, gulping hard.
that threat did not help his nerves. at all
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drawingden · 2 years
Note
your post about DeviantArt's AI-related changes is outright misinformation and misrepresentation. try doing some damned fact-checking before CAUSING the exact "frenzy" you mentioned. (in future, try pausing and seeking out primary sources and official sources before you go spreading panic and outrage. attempting to correct it after-the-fact does not undo the damage.)
Other than an accidental misinterpretation of one technicality that I fixed as soon as someone corrected me - please show me what information on my final version of the post is incorrect because I'm more than happy to update it. So far the the current situation is as follows to my knowledge:
❌ DeviantArt will not use your deviations directly for their AI image generators
(I updated the post because I was wrong about this in particular initially, but I said from the get-go to look out for updates as I get more information)
✅ They are however using third parties for their image generator that are known to have unethically sourced data, and are known to have previous issues with art theft
✅ You do have to fill in a manual form to prevent your artist username/alias being used as a prompt, including any evidence that they want you to provide.
This means anyone who is unaware, deceased, or unable to be approved could hypothetically have their art style used as a prompt if they're not opted out. This is how it is phrased by DeviantArt themselves explaining the form:
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Whether or not they credit artists in the description doesn't really matter because many artists don't want to be used in image generators at all, this should be opt-in manually if they're trying to be ethical like they claim.
I tested out the generator myself and was quickly able to mimic the style of a popular artist:
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Original artist: Peter Mohrbacher
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I pretty much solely used his name for the prompt, which I think pretty clearly demonstrates that the AI has recognised his name and pulled his art from somewhere on the internet to generate what it did
✅ Initially every user was automatically opted-in to start giving permission to third-party AI developers to use their work, and for a time this had to be undone manually one deviation at a time until they changed it due to backlash.
This would have meant if there was no backlash and they kept this policy that anyone who was unaware, deceased, or unable to access their account would have had their artworks flagged as okay for use in AI training.
Now that it has been reversed it is no longer an issue, but the lack of foresight from the team on this was callous. It also however has not been reversed for the use of artists names as a prompt, you still have to ask to be opted out.
All in all the situation is largely the same as I initially posted, DeviantArt launched an AI art generator in a very abrupt and unclear way and if you don't fill in the right forms your artist name and style can be used, and they will be pulling from third parties that are known to have mass collected images from the internet without explicit permission.
This still sucks and there's still plenty to be concerned about here, even if they have good intentions it's been horribly implemented and has ethical issues.
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1d1195 · 11 months
Text
Zipper Extra V
Read the rest of Zipper here
@jhughesangel (I hope this is you, I think you changed your Username on me since the last time I posted about these cutie pies) I hope you like this, I think you're probably my #1 Zipper fan so it's most important to me that you enjoy it specifically💕
This part is based on this ask from my amazing 🐱-anon, but I lowkey struggled as usual so it turned into Harry being whiny again but I gave her a full blown sob-fest. So hopefully I got it a little right--maybe a little more than normal anyway.
~4.7k words
Warnings: fluff, angst. Maybe a little bit of 18+ stuff but don't blink or you'll miss it.
(Maybe listen to Lover for some ambiance if you feel like it.)
He should have asked her out the moment he met her. They should have been one of those couples that had known since grade school they were destined for each other. It shouldn’t have taken Harry twenty years to come to his senses.
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“Are you sure you want to be with Harry?”
It happened while they were at dinner with friends. Her friend Sarah had been wary of their relationship essentially since it started. Harry wasn’t supposed to hear their conversation, he was seated a few seats across and down from the pair of them. It was a hushed whisper and honestly, he had to strain to hear anyway while the guys in the group chatted about something else. Another pair of ladies were off getting drinks at the bar. Leaving Sarah and his angel to chat.
“What?” She nearly laughed. It was a joke, surely, that one of her best friends would say such a thing. Of course, she was sure. In fact, she wasn’t sure of much else in her life. Christmas was on the twenty-fifth, Australia was wider than the moon, nine times four was thirty-six, and she was in love with Harry. It was a fact of life.
But whatever the guys were talking about was irrelevant. Harry was focused so very hard on hearing every word of her conversation—especially when he heard the beginning of it. “I just worry you’re settling,” Sarah whispered. “You don’t have to, you know. You shouldn’t.”
“I really love Harry,” she affirmed. That made Harry feel marginally better.
“But he was an asshole,” Sarah reminded her. “Like...for a really long time,” what hurt more than them talking about this while Harry was in earshot...even if they thought he wasn’t paying attention was that Sarah was right.
“But was he?” She smirked like it was a joke. Surely it was a joke. Sarah loved Harry. She loved Harry. They had a rough start. A different start than most love stories. But it didn’t mean that he didn’t love her any less than if they had a normal approach to their romance. Harry worshipped her now. He wished he always did. He would probably regret it for the rest of his life.
“Babe, he should have kissed the ground you walked on for the entire time you knew him. Yes. He was an asshole.”
“He is not an asshole,” she said softly. Bless her gentle heart for defending him. Harry wanted to kiss her and thank her for being so kind even though she was wrong. Sarah was completely correct. He should have kissed the ground she walked on all the time. For as long as he knew her. He should have asked her out the moment he met her. They should have been one of those couples that had known since grade school they were destined for each other. It shouldn’t have taken Harry twenty years to come to his senses.
“Look, I love Harry,” Sarah said. At least she knew that much. “I just...don’t want your heart to get broken because Harry’s already showed exactly who he is.”
Harry knew that he had a lot to make up for still. But she always reassured him that it wasn’t necessary. It wouldn’t stop him from trying to fix the years of heartache he caused. Harry still thought about the sound of her perfect voice cracking when she asked him why he didn’t like her. Back when he was feeding her Chinese food because he was so worried about her health and how sick she looked from working herself so hard.
Maybe it would never be enough. But Harry wouldn’t let her slip away. Not after wasting all the time of their childhoods, teens, and early adulthood. Harry would never stop proving that this was good, they were meant to be. It was why she instilled confidence in Harry when he seemed like the shittiest boyfriend in the world: forgetting her birthday, giving her the silent treatment when he was frustrated, or when he accidentally ruined her white T-shirt with one of his blue socks. She felt—no, knew—that they were meant to be.
So why wasn’t she telling Sarah exactly that? The pause in their conversation was deafening. Even over the laughter of their friends. Sarah was sipping her drink. Like she was grateful she got through to her. Harry waited anxiously for her to say something.
But she never did.
Sarah didn’t bring it up again or press further. It was all Harry could think about. He wanted an answer. He wanted to know why she paused. Why wasn’t she defending him? Was she...agreeing? The other ladies returned from getting more drinks and the conversation looped back into everyone chatting away.
But Harry felt terrible. She seemed to notice almost instantly. Of course, she did. She always noticed the change in Harry’s demeanor. Always worried about him. She was perfect. Perfect, perfect, perfect.
Without fanfare, she got up to change seats to get closer to him; people shifted silently allowing her space. She perched gently on one of his legs, leaned forward, gently kissed his cheek. “You okay, baby?” She asked quietly, nosing at his ear.
No. Not at all. “M’fine,” he grabbed her hand and wrapped his fingers between hers. It didn’t make sense that she would suddenly feel like Sarah was right. Their fingers fit together perfectly. It was fate. They were...perfectly...imperfect.
“Wanna leave so we can go make out?” She asked with a smile.
It was hard to be frustrated when she was adorable. He wished that he had gotten his act together years ago. “Yes, please, kitten.” She pecked his cheek again.
*
The ride home was quiet. She didn’t pay much mind to it because she got a little sleepy after having wine. Harry took the time to think about how terrible he was as a boyfriend. What her silence meant. Was he making this a bigger deal than needed? He should have asked right then.
But they arrived home and made out for a significant amount of time before falling asleep. Harry had his hands in her hair and his lips devoured hers. His tongue searching for the answer to a question he didn’t ask out loud.
His hands slid down her body and back under her shirt. It made him moan against her lips while she kissed him. An involuntary shiver coursed through her body as he touched her. She dreamed of Harry like this more often than she cared to admit. More so when they started working together. Ever more so when they started being friends. She dreamed of Harry’s voice in her ear whispering to her while he kissed her, touched her, slid into her, and made her whimper, begging silently for a euphoric release. “S’matter, kitten?” His lips touched the curve of her ear making her turn to mush in his hands. “Y’worked up?”
She shook her head. “Just...really happy,” she whispered back. He smiled into her skin. He forgot about Sarah’s question. Forgot about how she didn’t say anything to defend him. It wasn’t the time to worry about it. Right now, he wanted to focus on her beautiful body, her soft lips, and just having her in his arms where he felt she belonged most.
Harry’s cologne made her dizzy, made her feel so safe and warm. She didn’t think about what Sarah said. It wasn’t a thought in her mind. Harry wasn’t her settling. He was worth the wait. No matter how painful it was at times. He was hers now; that’s all that mattered. Even at his worst, he was just a bit grumpier than she would have liked.
If not being friends for so long of their lives and not being a couple for just as long—if that brought her to him now, then it was well worth it. She would redo it over and over again and not change one thing. Harry was perfectly... imperfect. Their life just got stuck for a minute. Like when a zipper gets caught on something. They had to clear up the issue and start over from the spot it stuck. But they fit together... perfectly. Snug together zipped to the top. This is where she was meant to be. She wasn’t settling. Not even a little.
*
Harry was unbelievably nice following the night out. She wasn’t complaining in the slightest. It was just a little different. Not quite out of character, but the behavior usually followed a missed date or something that irritated her slightly.
He had to have gotten up an extra hour earlier to bring her coffee and walk with her to work. He held her hand and massaged his thumb on the back of her hand. During lunch she spoke rapidly about her cases, the book she was reading, a new recipe she found and wanted to try. He nodded eagerly at everything. Harry hardly spoke as she filled their lunch hour with just her voice.
But the way he gazed at her made her feel so warm and fuzzy. He had this smile that made half his face quirk up at an angle that made him look like an angel. She loved him so much it made her stomach twist. “What?” She asked wiping her hand across her face. “Do I have something on my face?” He chuckled, shaking his head. Silently, he walked around his desk, pulled her to her feet, wrapped his arm around her waist, cupped her hand in his, and began to slowly sway to the music playing from his phone. Her heart felt like it wasn’t whole up until that point but suddenly it felt like all the pieces snapped together. She looked up at him curiously, a laugh falling out of her mouth as she did. “What is this, Harry?”
He shrugged. “Jus’... I love you, a lot,” he murmured into her ear, pressing a kiss on her temple.
“Enough to dance in the middle of a lunch break?”
“Especially,” he nodded firmly. As if it was obvious, as if it was the only thing that made sense. If this was what everyone did when they worked.
She tried to remember if she had forgotten his birthday. Or their anniversary. But nothing popped into her mind. They were in work clothes, uncomfortable shoes, and her hair was tied up, so it was out of her face. It wasn’t her best look. It wasn’t necessarily what she would consider a good time to dance. But Harry never ceased to amaze her with how romantic he could be.
“Harry Styles, I love you so extremely, much,” she whispered. The sigh that left him sounded relieved, but she didn’t think much of it. She was happy to be in Harry’s arms in the middle of work and dancing like it was the most natural and normal thing in the world.
Even if it wasn’t, she thought it was because of him.
*
But just a few days later Harry practically ignored her. They were watching a movie together and Harry was more engrossed in his phone than the characters on screen.
“Harry?”
“Hmm?”
She blinked in surprise. “Um... are you mad?” He shook his head, but it felt like the opposite. Frowning, she turned her attention back to the movie. Maybe it was work. There was no way he could be mad at her over something. Nothing came to mind. “Upset?” She asked without looking at him.
“Everything is fine, love.”
She reached out for his hand, he held it lightly, brought it to his lips, and then dropped it back to the couch. Maybe she was reading into it. But dancing in the office in the middle of the week couldn’t have meant nothing and it certainly couldn’t have reverted to this standoffish tone and behavior in a matter of days. Harry scrolled through his phone again silently. “Are you sure—”
“Kitten. M’fine.”
The frown on her lips and between her eyebrows deepened. She was sad that Harry was upset. Even if he wasn’t admitting it. But more so she was worried that it was something she did. Sometimes she had to piece it together because of the knack Harry had for not telling her when something bothered him.
After a few moments of silence, a few moments longer of him ignoring her, he put his phone back on the coffee table. Carefully he pulled her into his lap, so she straddled his waist and he smiled at her like he did right before they danced together. “I adore you,” he murmured bringing her mouth down to his.
She forgot any worry she had when he did that.
*
It was impossible not to notice that Harry was still acting...weird. Since they started dating, he had always been more loving toward her, of course. Especially compared to the decades he wasn’t dating her. But this week...he was nearly attached to her hip. It was like he was nervous to leave her alone or move from her side. Maybe it was something in the air; they were approaching their second anniversary. Maybe Harry was trying to actively remember it this year. It wasn’t his fault—not really. He forgot her birthday again...and their first anniversary. But he warned her from the very beginning that it would happen. She didn’t mind. He always made it up to her and it wasn’t like he...meant to forget it. He set reminders and everything, but he kept managing to be busy.
Perhaps he was starting with the romance before he forgot it so it would lessen the blow.
But then he switched to that off-putting behavior like when they were watching a movie. It switched so rapidly back and forth. Hour by hour. It was like she had two different boyfriends.
After dinner, Harry was in his silent phase again. He was nearly ignoring her. She hated it. “Um...I’m gonna head home, baby. Do you need anything?” She asked.
“No, thank you, kitten.”
He didn’t even try to stop her. Didn’t worry about her Ubering across town alone. Nothing. It was completely different than the guy that begged her to stay the night—that he would wake her and dress her while she slept all in the name of snuggling with her until the morning. Sighing, she rubbed a hand over her face, grabbed her bag and kissed Harry on the cheek as she left him on the couch.
Certainly, she would have remembered if she did something to upset him. She tried to remember every interaction over the beginning of the week when his weird behavior started. As she got into her Uber her phone rang, alerting her that Harry was calling.
“I booked us a weekend getaway,” he murmured.
Blinking at the window, she bit the inside of her lip. “Oh?”
There was a smile in his voice. “Booked us all kinds of pampering, kitten,” he said excitedly.
Oh, he was the most confusing man she had ever met.
*
Their dinner was eaten in silence. Right after they watched another movie without really watching because Harry was busy melting her into the couch cushions with his lips and hands. Harry started clearing his own dish and silverware before she finished eating.
It was enough. She got out of her seat, leaving the plate on the table and followed Harry to the kitchen. He kept his back to her, so she had a moment to look at his cozy frame, draped in a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. It made her dizzy to be around him when he looked so cozy. It made her sad she had to bring up something that might upset them both.
But she needed to be an adult. They needed to talk. “Harry, what has been up with you? You’ve been practically suffocating for half the week, and now you’ve all but...stopped talking to me. We’ve talked about this; you have to tell me when things bother you. We can’t use the silent treatment.”
Harry hated the way she said “we”. He hated it because she meant it so kindly—they were a partnership. They would get through it together no matter what it was. Even though everything she said was all on Harry.
But she didn’t tell him what she was thinking either. That much was made clear by her conversation with Sarah. Maybe she resented Harry more than he thought. More than she let on. Maybe that was her issue. But Harry didn’t want her to have an issue. He wanted her to be her—she was perfect. Truly. But sometimes Harry thought she didn’t push back. Maybe if she did when they were younger, things would be different. They would have gotten together sooner. At best, that was joint blame. But at worst, of course, that was Harry and his unapproachable nature the entire time he knew her.
But Harry didn’t speak.
“Is this just...some... trick? So you don’t forget our anniversary? I already told you I don’t care—”
“Jesus Christ, that too,” he muttered to himself and ran a hand through his hair. Just another thing that he was bad at. Another reason she was just settling for less than she deserved. She watched his head fall lower. His shoulders slumping forward. He needed to do something about the important dates.
She sighed, feeling exasperated by his reluctance to tell her what was wrong. “Harry, I’m trying to help, but—”
“Why didn’t you defend me?” He asked. His voice cracked as he spoke.
The sound of distress in his voice made her stomach violently ache. She had never heard Harry so sad before. It was heartbreaking. “What are you talking about, Harry?” She tilted her head and the annoyance in her voice was gone. Harry was clearly upset, and that broke her.
“Sarah said y’settled,” his voice was so sullen. Sad. The poor thing. He was leaning against the sink, facing away from her. Harry was tall and fit. His shoulders were broad, and she never felt as safe walking down the street at night as she did when Harry was beside her.
Right now, he looked so small and broken. His tall frame shrank under the weight of whatever he was feeling. But she didn’t even know what he was talking about; what did he mean about Sarah? “What... when did Sarah say that?”
“When we were out with everybody,” he mumbled. “Last weekend. Y’jus’... sat there,” he couldn’t face her. Because of course Sarah was right. Harry didn’t deserve her. She was too good.
“Baby,” she whispered softly and touched his back. She felt him stiffen beneath her touch. She frowned. “I don’t know—”
She was going to make him say it. She was going to make him say the very words that plagued him since the dinner conversation he overheard. This was worse than just thinking about it all week. This was punishment for everything he had ever forgotten. Every moment of those twenty something years accumulated into this one moment of absolute anguish—and he had to say it out loud with his own words. “Sarah said y’settled for me. And... that y’shouldn’t be with me.”
There was a flurry of activity in her brain trying to place what he was talking about.
“Harry,” she tried to keep her voice quiet and soft. She didn’t want to say he was ridiculous because it was so obvious, he was upset, and she didn’t want to minimize that feeling. Harry had a lot of emotions for someone who rarely expressed how he was feeling (except for grumpy—he was good at that one). “Baby, please look at me,” she whispered.
“No,” he muttered grumpily.
She sighed. “Baby, please,” she pleaded softly wrapping her arms around his waist. “S’okay,” she promised. “We’re fine.”
“We’re not fine,” he sounded so broken. Her heart thudded in her chest. This felt bad.
“Harry,” she tried again. He tried to push her away. It felt so awful. It was like... an ending. Her heart was breaking. “Harry, stop,” the tears sprung to her eyes. “Please,” she begged but her voice made this shaky cracking sound so loud and so sharply Harry thought she broke a bone—it was the only thing that could sound so sad like that. Harry nearly forgot why he wasn’t looking at her. He spun so fast to face her. He examined her for injury quickly scanning her from head to toe.
“Kitten?” He asked. She sniffled and Harry frowned, pulling her toward him and kissing the top of her head. “S’matter, love?” He whispered. As if he hadn’t just broken her heart.
“I should have defended you,” she croaked. She should have. Even if she didn’t remember the conversation now. Harry was sad. It made her sad. This was so bad. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Harry. I don’t... Sarah was just looking out for me... I don’t know—” she hiccupped.
“Kitten, s’okay,” he murmured comfortingly, rubbing his hand up and down her back soothingly.
“You’re gonna break up with me, aren’t you?” She asked.
His mouth dropped open releasing a surprised gasp. “Baby, of course not. No,” he squeezed her tightly. “I may be an idiot, but m’not stupid,” he kissed her forehead, his lips lingering on her forehead for a long period of time.
“Why wouldn’t you look at me? You said we weren’t fine,” she continued to snivel and ruin Harry’s shirt. His cologne was so comforting it was hard to remember why she was sad. Maybe that was his plan. She would forget that they were having an adult conversation. That it would lull her gently and he could break up with her.
“Kitten,” he sighed and brought his hands to her face. “I love you with m’entire being.”
“But...” she sniffled finishing his thought.
“Y’don’t think you’re settling? Sarah was right... I was so mean t’you... and I should have worshipped—”
She sniveled more. “I don’t care about that.”
“Please stop crying, love. You’re breaking m’heart.”
“I think you want to break up,” she repeated, her voice shaking with every word.
“Angel, m’never letting y’go,” he promised. “It took me a while...but m’never gonna lose you. Not ever,” he brushed his thumbs below her eyes swiping away the tears that had fallen. “Baby,” he murmured. “I jus’... I feel like m’going t’be groveling forever and I should...but s’hard. I want t’be the best for you.”
“But you don’t need to grovel. You are the best.”
“I don’t think y’believe that...s’why y’didn’t answer Sarah,” he smirked sadly. Like he knew her own thoughts better than herself.
“Harry,” she whined. “That’s not true.”
Harry kissed her forehead. “I’ve loved you for s’long… I was too stupid t’realize it.”
“You said you weren’t breaking up with me!” The silence was deafening. The sound of her tears and sniffles were the only thing that could be heard. “Baby,” her voice cracked again.
“I think you should break up with me.” The sobs that left her at that moment were so loud. So full of anguish, it broke Harry’s heart. “Kitten,” he whispered. “S’okay.”
“I hate Sarah.”
“No, y’don’t, angel. Not at all,” he murmured. “She’s your best friend. She loves you. She wants what’s best for you.”
“You are what’s best for me.” He didn’t say anything in response. Why didn’t she just defend him last weekend? Why did Harry overhear? “You’re just gonna give up?”
“No love, of course not. Jus’ told you m’never letting you go.”
“So why are you—”
“Kitten, y’need t’know you’re a queen,” he returned his hands to her face a rubbed away the tears again and pressed a kiss to the center of her forehead. It felt like the pressure of his lips was seeping right through her skull and easing all the tension in her brain. “You deserve so much more than me.”
“I don’t want it,” she sniveled. “Please stop telling me what I need,” she whimpered. Harry didn’t speak. She tried again. “Were you mad...all week?”
“Not at you, m’love. At myself. Y’did nothing wrong. Y’jus’...brought it t’my attention. I wanted you t’defend me...but I... I didn’t really do anything worthy of defending myself,” he shrugged. After a few moments he spoke again after contemplating the week. “I guess I was pretty mad with myself,” he admitted. He wanted her to defend him. But she couldn’t. Subconsciously or not. There was no reason to defend him and his shitty performance as a person growing up in her life. Forgetting her birthday, their anniversary, or just...anything. His grand gestures didn’t matter. She was an angel in every meaning of the word. His perfect angel. It was infuriating. But she just...didn’t have it in her to tell her best friend that Harry was worth it. It made him mad. It wasn’t fair, it didn’t make sense, but it made him mad, nonetheless.
She frowned, the tears slipping over his thumbs faster than he could push them out of the way. She felt helpless. It was her fault it was like this. It was her fault that Harry wanted her to break up with him. It made her sick to her stomach. “I don’t want to. Please don’t make me,” she sniffed again. Harry had never seen anything as sad as the tears in her eyes. “You make me whole, Harry,” she cried still, and Harry felt like he was really making this worse than he wanted it to be. He just wanted her to be sure. She deserved every bit of happiness life had to offer... and part of Harry thought that might not be him.
“Hmm?” He smirked sadly. That piqued his interest though. “How’s that, baby?”
She inhaled shakily and Harry saw the tears start to settle. She swallowed trying to regulate her breathing so she could speak quietly. “When you danced with me at work,”
“Oh?” He asked.
“That was the most…romantic thing I’ve ever experienced,” she looked at him through her wet lashes. Harry thought that even when she was sad, she was the most gorgeous thing he had ever laid eyes on. It pained him to think he was ever anything but sweet to her. That he didn’t cherish every moment with her like he wouldn’t get another.
Smiling, he wrapped his arm around her waist and cupped her hand in his again. “Yeah?” He asked, starting to sway just as he had the other day. It felt just like it did in that moment. Her heart seemed to stop and start at the exact same moment. She wished with everything in her that she had fought Harry and told him that he was an idiot back when they were younger. Not because she was mad—just that she wanted more romantic moments like this. All the pieces of her heart snapped together. Her cheek smushed against his chest listening to his heartbeat. “Like this?” He whispered.
She nodded silently. “You’re the most confusing man I’ve ever met.”
He chuckled. It was a warm, gentle feeling and made every nerve in her body feel like it was melting. “M’sorry, baby,” he kissed the top of her head.
“I don’t want anyone but you,” she whispered. “You bought me all those flowers, all the getaways, the way you get medicine for me when I don’t even know I need it. You always check to make sure I ate lunch. And when I fall asleep on the couch you always take the hair elastic off my wrist,” she reminded him. “I’m sorry. You are so worthy of being defended.”
Harry chuckled quietly, his breath getting lost in her hair and warming the top of her head. “Then s’enough for me,” he twirled her beneath his arm, wrapped her back into his embrace and dipped her to kiss her so sweetly she thought her heart would totally give out. She wasn’t sure she would ever get over the electric feeling of kissing him. She hoped she never did. “M’sorry I didn’t tell y’what I was feeling. I won’t bring it up again. If y’want me, I won’t question it.”
She pressed her face back into his shirt and clung to him like she would somehow fall out of his hold. “You never need to. I love you so much,” her voice was firm.
“Good,” he nodded. They danced quietly for a few moments in total silence. Her breathing evened out. He kissed her hair again. “In case I haven’t said it in a while and it wasn’t completely obvious...I love you so very much too, kitten.”
--
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