#show me literally anything else for the love of god

[nonexistence1199]

Bungou Stray Dogs headcanons!

Author's note: Late christmas gift for y'all;) My apology for making you wait, my family visited me last night sooooo... yeah, that's it...

Hope you enjoy!

Characters: Dazai, Fyodor, Chuuya, Ranpo, Poe

Dazai Osamu

The most chaotic (also the sweetest) holiday you've ever get, that's for sure

This bastard will make you join the ADA's Christmas party, but if you're not comfortable, then he'll just sneak out with you to go to whatever place you want

Confessing his feelings under the christmas tree, awwww <3

Have a feeling that he won't invite anyone to commit double suicide with him in this day

"Better not let God get angry with me. It would be a shame if He didn't let me die later just because of some bad Christmas prank, don't you agree Belladonna?"

Cuddles cuddles cuddles🥰

Go annoy Chuuya in front of you

"You see? He'll need to improve his height and his awful taste in fashion if he wants to go on a date with someone as gorgeous as yo-"

"SHUT UP MACKEREL!!"

You would likely receive something like a hand-written poem along with a little gift depends on your hobbies

"Ermmmm..... I-I hope you like it, Belladonna.."

"Mhm, of course, love"

Chill guy on the outside, fluster as hell on the inside

He'll stick around you until the next morning (obviously, because he's Dazai)

Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Okay so let's pretend that he had a lover....

Go to church with your hand in his

Rarely show his emotions, but who cares?

The type of person to internally scream when he caught a glimpse of your smile

"God she's such a fragile little thing... makes me want to keep her innocence all to myself"

Prays to God that you'll stay with him whatever it takes

Listening to Tchaikovsky at home (I love Tchaikovky's music sm😇)

He'll make sure to kick Nikolai out of his way, just to have more private time with you

You guys would play a duet with each other, in the candle-lit living room (in case you know how to play piano or whatever instruments that get along with cello)

Easily figure out what you like and gifted it to you (he's too smart to miss out your sparkling eyes when you see something you love lol)

Maybe he'll even skip work to spend time with you

"Is it okay, Fedya...?"

"Don't worry, мой дорогой. There is no harm in getting off from work for a while to give you the attention you deserves, don't you think?"

Nakahara Chuuya

Top quality five-star restaurant, not too crowded but not too secluded

Your role in this expensive date? Point out whatever you want, and you'll have it in a second.

Bonus point if his darling is also alcoholic (But he won't let you drink too much. He wouldn't want you damaging your own health, afterall)

"Your total payment was 12,365.04000 yen, sir."

"What? That's not enough. Anything else you wanna buy, darling?"

Hold the door open for you, carry all your shopping bags, wrapping his arm around your waist and held you close because he's such a gentleman oh my god🤭🤭

Turn his cautious mode on when he see a certain bandaged brunette

"Stay away from me and my precious darling, or else I'll explode your damn apartment"

Kick Dazai's ass if he dares to approach you

"Are you fine, darling? Did he do anything to you? Tell me, and I'll kill him right away-"

"No, don't worry Chuu, he didn't do anything"

For a quick sum up: A fancy date with Mr. Fancy hat

Edgar Allan Poe

Travelling in his special novel for Christmas? He would have prepared it for a long time now. Afterall, he's literally simping his lover

Celebrate Christmas in his home, cuddles and he'll whisper all the lovely words in your ear

"I love you, love"

"Aww, me too"

"Will you stay with me? For the rest of my life?"

"I will"

Nothing is better than his flustered face after hearing your response<33

I have a feeling that he would give you some kind of handmade gifts (of course, he do it himself)

He would prefer staying at home with you, but if you want, he'd gladly take you to the place to want to go

Dancing in the living room

Super clingy guy who would cling to you (may even get jelous when Karl stays in your lap for too long...)

Edogawa Ranpo

Prepare to see your wallet getting lighter and lighter in Christmas day...

Drag you to his favorite candy shop (don't worry, you may get bankrupt the next day)

"Only one more candy bag, pretty pleaseeeeeeeee?"

"Pfft, no"

Eating snacks while while watching some movies with you

Childlike behaviors

He would even share his snacks with you... suprise😉?

Shamelessly cling onto you and would whine like a child if you leave him for a second

"Am I your human pillow or what?"

"Yes you are, dummy"

[crystaljellie]

Ithaca saga spoilers!! (me ranting about telemachus) I know i said i'd post this when the livestream comes out but I can't wait i'm too insane about it. The songs have dropped on spotify its good enough...

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE LIKE WENT OUT OF HIS WAY, TO SAVE THE SUITORS??? Like okay sure maybe he was like "throw down those weapons" just to convince them to stop and he'd kill them anyways.

But just!?! the idea that these people. these awful people. who hurt him. hurt his mother. dictated most of his life. these people who he's afraid of. he wants to spare them, he WANTS to save them. And mind you!! telemachus is very eager to fight people!! We've seen him in previous songs! we know what he's like. But the fact that he throws that to the side for whatever reason, maybe it's kindness maybe it's something else. maybe it's the fear of seeing them dead maybe he doesnt want to cause his father any more problems.

Maybe its because he doesn't know what he'll do next once it's over.

But he goes out of his way to offer them peace. And not only. do they say no. but then they try to use him as bait to get to his father!?!?

the ONE thing that he wants in life, is to be just like his dad, for his father to admire him, to be LEGENDARY. and now they're attacking him, using him against his father. God and in his eyes he must feel so so pathetic, so useless. He's meant to show his father how strong he is, how he's cool and still worth loving, and now he's being even more of a problem.

And god maybe he's going to die here, and maybe he's okay with that.

But he sounds SO desperate and so scared.

"Get off me! Get off me!" He's only 20, and over a hundred men must be chasing him, stabbing him, hurting him making a show of him. He's so scared and he can't do anything, because he's just one guy.

AND I HAVE BEEN LOOPING THAT PART AND IM SO SURPRISED NO ONE HAS TALKED ABOUT IT YET.

Like the first Get off me, sounds so angry and the second one sounds so afraid, hes not sure he can keep up this charade anymore.

They ARE holding him down, They ARE breaking him. and it's everything he fears.

And then his father shows up. and saves him?? and in a way that makes it even worse for him. because now his fathers first time seeing him. in 20 fucking years, is him pinned down and bleeding thanks to the people he's just let run around in his fathers place.

And then he's expecting his father to be mad at HIM, but he's not?! he's just worried for him, and misses him, and telemachus doesnt know how to process that because just like Odysseus, he is so used to being. alone.

I've literally only seen people talking about Athena showing up in telemachus reunion song with his dad and like??! WHY LOOK AT THE POOR BOY!!! LOOK AT HIM!!! HE'S SO DESPERATE TO SEE HIS DAD!! HE'S SO UNSURE OF HIMSELF AND INSECURE!!

20 years of waiting, and now he finally has a chance, at living this time. He no longer has to wonder, what it would be like to not be alone. He's been through so much, but his life is, really only just beginning.

[fandom-rants-here]

I'm kind of stupid and slow on things and have only in the past few months started getting into D&D, so bare with me on this. Also, correct me if I fuck anything up.

I'm starting with Mike because I'm looking into paladins right now and recently saw a post that the paladin description reminded me of.

In the post, op talked about how, to Mike, promises were a really big thing. Something people don't break. Ever.

He, as far as I remember and based off of the only two moments mentioned in the post, only makes two promises. Both to El and both of which he is visibly hesitant about making. He knows what promises mean to himself and how he explain them to Eleven. No matter how his feelings change, he does not break his promises.

Now, this ties into his character as a paladin as they are described like this, "Paladins are united by their oaths to stand against the forces of annihilation and corruption. Whether sworn before a god’s altar, in a sacred glade before nature spirits, or in a moment of desperation and grief with the dead as the only witnesses, a Paladin’s oath is a powerful bond. It is a source of power that turns a devout warrior into a blessed champion." (D&D and Beyond)

An oath and a promise are practically the same thing, especially given the context. I think that this is another reason Mike's character was chosen to be a paladin. Yes, he's a leader and yes, he defends people, but there also the oath aspect of his character. These three things delve into so much of Mike's actions throughout the show.

Will calling Mike "The Heart" isn't just because he's super fucking gay for him, but Mike is one of the main connectors and leaders of The Party. Lucas and Will met because Mike befriended them both. El met The Party because Mike hid her in the basement. Jonathan and Nancy got close because their brothers were close. Mike is the first of the main Party to have any connection with Steve (even if it isn't the strongest literally ever). He, especially in seasons 1 and 2 (before he has a major fucking identity crisis and all that good shit) is a major leader and strategist.

He physically defends the people around him at his own expense all the fucking time. Season 1 when he jumps off the cliff (that needs to be brought up omg). Season 2 when Dart dares to even look in Will's direction and Mike tries to kill the fucker immediately. Season 3 when he tries to fight Billy multiple times in hand to hand combat. Season 4 where he activley puts himself between Will and the bullets as much as he can. He fucking defends the people around him. (There's more, but I'm clearly not good at being brief.)

And the whole thing with one fucking promise when he was like 13 dictating his whole damn life for well over a year. He promised El to take her to the Snowball. A simple promise that he thought would help her, and it did. But then that led to them dating. And it was fine because they'd kiss and hang out at Hopper's cabin but at least he can hang out with everyone else outside of that. And then Hopper makes him lie to El, which leads to the break up. Sure, Mike's a bit bummed and a hell of a lot confused, but he's ranting to his friends and it's fine.

And amidst his whole "They're conspiring" bullshit, he says he loves El. Looking at his and everyone else's face, ain't nobody expect that, especially not Mike himself. But El hears say that, and she says she loves him too before kissing him goodbye. Most people would be fucking thrilled. Not Mike though. He looks confused and sad. but El is in Cali so he's fucking fine.

But it just got worse and now he won't let himself back out. Now he has to be her boyfriend, now he has to keep her happy, now he has to do all these things even though he doesn't anymore. By the end of season 4, El doesn't need him anymore. But he doesn't kmow that, so he lies to her (something he really does not like doing). And, again, he can't get out.

Mike dictates his whole damn life around promises. Paladin fucking behavior.

[milkoomi]

₊˚⊹ ᰔ a guide to self-love ᝰ.ᐟ

being confident and having self-love can be a difficult and long journey, but once you have it, you feel unstoppable. you feel like that girl, you feel like nothing else matters, you feel like you.

selfies are mine!

let’s begin !!

ᝰ.ᐟ accept yourself as you are

this one doesn’t come easy, but trust me when i say that once you start accepting who you are as you are, loving yourself becomes so much easier. accepting the fact that you are who you are right now will help clear your head to make room for the growth you want to make for yourself. getting that clearer image of who you want to be will come so much faster once you accept who you are right now.

now, accepting yourself doesn’t mean you’re settling for anything. you can still choose to grow and better who you are, but i feel like self-acceptance is the very first step in doing so!

ᝰ.ᐟ start accepting compliments

this is a huge one oh my god. i’ve seen a lot of blogs talk about this, but seriously, accepting compliments makes it so much easier to start accepting yourself! stop denying a compliment when it’s giving you, and even if you don’t feel like that compliment is true, literally force yourself to say “thank you”. the more you say thank you when you’re given a compliment, the more you’ll start to truly believe in them and accept them genuinely!

ᝰ.ᐟ make a list of things you like about yourself

you don’t have to give reasons as to why you like certain things about yourself, but simply making a list of what you like (or even sort of like) about yourself can help put things into perspective for you! these things could be physical traits or aspects of your personality!

once you start feeling a little more comfortable, you could start explaining why you like those certain things about yourself! and when you start writing those reasons why, write about it as if you were writing about someone dear to you!

ᝰ.ᐟ take more pictures of yourself

i know this sounds a little silly, but once i started taking more pictures of myself, my confidence grew! capturing your own beauty and then seeing it for yourself just as your loved ones would is truly an eye opener. you could throw on your favorite makeup look, style your hair how you want to, and put on a super cute outfit and just start snapping away on your camera!

i’d also recommend playing around with different camera angles and poses! find something that compliments you and makes you feel like the best version of you!

ᝰ.ᐟ practice good hygiene

having a good hygiene routine and sticking to it not only makes you feel clean, but also makes you feel refreshed! after a long day, once i shower and go through my whole hygiene routine, i feel like a brand new person. being clean and taking good care of your hygiene can do wonders for your confidence!

come up with a good shower routine! pamper yourself while you shower and treat it as if you’re at a luxury spa. you don’t need high-end products for your showers, just grab stuff that you like and makes you feel good! i have a blog post here that you can reference for some hygiene tips!

choose body scents that you love! i’ve talked briefly about finding your signature scent in this post, but having scents that you love just makes you feel like the baddest bitch. play around and experiment with different body washes, perfumes, lotions, etc.! find something you really love (maybe even obsessed with) and i promise you’ll start feeling so good about yourself!

ᝰ.ᐟ consume media that’s better for you

social media, and any media for that matter, is poisoned with so much toxicity. too many people have had their minds plagued by “beauty standards” and trends that could be harmful in the long run. find and consume media that betters you! whether it’s a book, podcast, or show that increases your knowledge or music, youtubers, or movies that make you feel good; take in different forms of media that are beneficial! you are what you consume!

ᝰ.ᐟ take care of yourself

self care is one of the best things you can do to increase your love for yourself. treat yourself as you would a loved one! you deserve to be cared for just as much as you believe those you love deserve to be!

you can reference this post for some self care examples!

𝜗𝜚 final notes 𝜗𝜚

again, loving yourself can be a really difficult and long journey, but you are worthy of love! especially love that comes from yourself! at the end of the day, you only have yourself, so it’s important to care for yourself and love who you are because you need yourself the most!

i also want to add a few of my favorite blog posts that relate to this topic so here they are!

“the princess guide on glowing up”

“building confidence”

“get over the fear of being seen”

“it-girl’ing 101”

live and love, babe.

sincerely, juno ⭑.ᐟ

[neptunescore]

Please elaborate on carlandoscar.. I would love to hear your thoughts and I want to be convinced

Hello nonnie<3

God I have so much to say, like their dynamics just make so much sense??

First of all, just the absolute poetry that is their current stages of life. I don't know if that's the sentence you'd use to explain it, but. just listen:

Oscar- what might be

Lando- what is / what could be

Carlos- what could've been

Bc isn't that what they are.

We all know Oscar is championship material; he's got the mentality, and his racecraft and understanding of the car just gets better, especially considering the fact that it's literally his second year in F1.

Lando is the one who is, right now. He very nearly got his first championship this year, and he's just getting better. I've also written 'could be' mostly bc of the fact he still isn't a champion yet, but even with all my mclaren haterism, I do know it's a very realistic possibility.

Carlos, on the other hand, is all spent potential. Not necessarily wasted potential, bc I do feel he made a name for himself, but he's spent all his potential in teams that never gave him a proper chance to compete. Like with Renault and Mclaren it was the car, and with Ferrari it was the car AND the team's clear show of favour (not said in like a bad way, more so in a sad way). And obv torro rosso was smthng else.

So, just. The combination of these 3 different stages is so compelling to me.

Next, we have their relationships with each other.

With Lando and Carlos and all their history, as well as them still being so close with each other, while Oscar and Carlos are always making snide remarks about one another. Except. Then you have Carlos calling them 'magnets' and Oscar only speaking up when Carlos does smthng small on track, and suddenly. They're giving each other fist bumps. They're smiling at each other when their eyes lock. They're following each other on instagram. And they're talking.

And ofc, you also just have Lando and Oscar. Lando, who will take any chance he has to tease Oscar. And Oscar, who will keel over and die with laughter at anything remotely funny, Lando says. Lando, who gave oscar his Sprint win without even being asked. Oscar, who's followed team orders with no complaints to make sure Lando stayed in championship contention.

They're just so perfectly intertwined.

Now, on to my more rpf thoughts.

I honestly fully believe that while Lando and Carlos have been friends for much longer, Oscar and Carlos would get together first. I can totally see both of them being forcefully/coincidentally put into situations where there is no choice but for them to talk. Over time, I think they just start to enjoy it. Like first, they feel genuine irritation with each other over their stupid arguments. Now, they're having fun. They like getting on to each others nerves. It becomes a sort of game.

This just keeps happening until one day they take it too far, stumble into uncharted territory, then stumble into each other, and then just stumble into bed together. Come morning, Oscar is waking up to the smell of freshly made pancakes, and him and Carlos are arguing about toppings and, well. It just feels natural. It clicks. They're together now, and neither of them even has to say it bc the other one just knows.

Lando is much more complicated. Honestly, I think he'd have a whole crisis about it. First, he'd go thru the 'wait, am I G-A-Y???' breakdown during his F2 years. Then, he'd go thru the 'ohmygod I LIKE CARLOS?!?' breakdown midway thru their second year together in Mclaren. And I can totally imagine him having his, 'wait why do I think Oscar is cute and why am I still not over Carlos why is this happening to me.' breakdown during the summer break after Oscar's first year.

Honestly, I've already written way too much now😭 if yall are still interested and wanna know how I think Lando gets with them just leave me an ask and I'll respond to that bc this is WAY to long. And if you're interested in their relationship/bedroom dynamics, then feel free to ask abt that too bc I have put MUCH thought behind it😭😭😭

Anyway, I hope this convinced you at least a little bit nonnie<3

[moonedman]

All other sagas done in previous or future posts

Thunder Saga

Suffering

Fun fact this song doesn’t have any viola to foreshadow that it’s not Penelope

It does have a lot of piano, which is Athena’s instrument. If that means anything to you guys.

Real fans know Odysseus isn’t a bitch coward

“Take the sufffering from you” by KILLING HIM she’s not wrong though

If i remember correctly odysseus was a boat guy before he was a soldier so this song is so goofy to me [he is NOT afraid of the water}

Manipulation time

“Oh nooo” she is not invested

Manipulating the ocean and direction fixation smh

I can’t imagine watching my captain do this

“The things I do for you” yeah we know you’re going to do anything to get home to your wife.

Different Beast

Hehe the transition

The hiss

Hough ho ho

I’m so insane about this voice acting

“We are the ones that feast now” sirens literally just want a snack this guys never heard of a healthy ecosystem and food chain

Killing them all couldn’t have been good for the fish population

This is going to affect the trout population

“Man made monster” they’re changingggg

Storytime

“No more of us deceased now” boy howdy do i have new for you.

“Can’t take more risks of not seeing my wife” he really lives up to that his life is his priority in a way

He genuinely. Didn’t need to drown them. Also so many of his own men drowned. Like buddy.

“He is the different beast now” switching the lyrics up because. Nobody else could be thinking that. He’s becoming more of a monster than everybody else

Not that it’s a competition

This won’t have any lasting consequences, surely

Scylla

Her vocals are so good

Now is not the fucking time Eurylochus

“Hm I just watched Odysseus ruthlessly kill a bunch of sirens and come back from the underworld a little different. Is that a scary cave we’re going into? Yeah, i need to tell him about the bag”

“Leaving them feeling betrayed” odysseus feeling right now and his crew in two minutes and thirty seven seconds

“Breaking the bonds that you’ve made” same thing they’re betraying each other this will continue to happen

Eurylochus can apologize Odysseus take notes

“We both know what it takes to survive” god i love this song because it’s like Scylla is talking to Odysseus [he’s certainly not talking to his crew may as well talk to Scylla]

“We only care for ourselves” Odysseus rn fr fr

Odysseus you’re so fucked up right now i am insane about you and Eurylochus right now

“Drown your sorrows and fear” odysseus right now and also the end of get in the water

Also. drowning is a very common thing to happen around Odysseus and to himself (he drowns at the end of Get in the Water right that’s what that is i’m not misreading those lyrics and animatics)

“We must to what it takes to survive” laying it on thick that Odysseus is going to end up sacrificing everybody in order to get home.

Eurylochus was going to die in that cave. He was supposed to die in that cage. His brother was going to sacrifice himself along with five others. Instead of the usual “i can talk my way out and find a way out” attitude, he just straight up killed six men willingly.

“We are the same you and I” and Odysseus joining in on the melody? Shoot me dead i love this song it’s easily one of my favorites holy shit

Mutiny

Eurylochus knows Odysseus is a liar and witty. He’s expecting and ready for a lie or elaborate story. Some excuse. And odysseus can’t give him one because what he did was just his plan and final decision

“Six of our friends” one of which was supposed to be him

“Say something” “I can’t” really shows the crew [not just the listener] how far gone he is

Crew backing Eurylochus vocally and literally

“You must carry all the blame” when does the reason become the blame - Odysseus is the reason they’re there in that situation

To an extent

“I am not letting you get in my way” woah buddy. Different beast and Scylla lyrics were really setting that one up.

Perimedes!!

Luck runs out tune

“Relied on wit and then we died on it?” and whooo called it? Eurylochus.

Finally tied to a pole.

What.

Does nobody know their own gods? Like the sun god statue. Golden cows. Hmm. golden cattle being a sun god symbol. Nothing fishy there, right?

So desperate to get home vs giving up

“I need to get home” not we. not them. He does. His life is the only one that really matters to him, deep down.

“We can get home” he’s trying to convince them but we all know this is about him

GOD voice acting i love you

Even after everything they’re still listening to him because they know he’s right

Thunder Bringer

Is he trying to say only he can be proud in the horniest way possible.

He is.

Being able to undress pride in a “I’m stripping away your pride because that’s my job” kind of way

“Pride is a damsel in distress” being a hero and if he’s the only hero he’s the coolest

Word play of “Thunder, bring her” and “Thunder bringer”

God games

He’s holding a lot of gruesome fate and damned weight.

The way everybody throughout the musical sings “please” makes me ill 

His men are watching him become a monster in real time for his wife

I’M ILL ABOUT THEM

Piano? Like Athena?!

I’m so insane about the Ithaca saga do you tumblr people want to hear my full analysis of each song to celebrate

[bumpscosity]

instagram has decided it wants to randomly show me smiling friends posts to see if i'm interested which is fine but it keeps showing me charlie body pillow designs even tho i've never clicked one so i'll just be scrolling normally and then all of a sudden Charlie Body Pillow Jumpscare

[aroaceleovaldez]

Nico and Percy's dynamic through the series is eternally funny to me, because it's just. like.

Percy's having a constant mental struggle between his fatal flaw of loyalty with a promise he made to Bianca to protect Nico, versus his Big 3 kid desire to maim other Big 3 kids / Poseidon descendant urge to totally maim Nico specifically. He hates Nico so so much. He thinks Nico's annoying and weird at best, and creepy/sketchy when he's older. The only positive thoughts Percy has towards Nico are "He's Bianca's brother and Bianca was my friend and I owe her/He's Hazel's brother and Hazel is my friend and would kill me if I was mean to him," "He's a powerful asset and useful ally (if questionable)," and "He's kinda pathetic and I feel maybe a little bad about it." Percy has multiple occasions throughout the series where he strongly considers - and on one occasionally actually goes through with - throttling Nico.

Meanwhile, Nico is following around Percy like a lost puppy. He explicitly can never bring himself to even dislike anything about Percy no matter how hard he tries. He has a whole bit in BoO where he's mentally going "UGH he's so stupid BUT IT'S ENDEARING HOW DARE HE." He's totally smitten. He's making deals with his dad for Percy. He's making convoluted plans to help Percy stand a chance against Kronos. During the entirety of BoTL it's like he's playing tsundere - "I'm helping NOT PERCY SPECIFICALLY with this quest! Me helping Percy would be SILLY because I DEFINITELY HATE HIM." Then he proceeds to show up to Percy's birthday party to basically ask him on a weird date and spend the entire next book scrambling around trying to help him or protect him or impress him. And Percy could not give less of a shit.

Just. That dynamic is so funny to me. Percy is the founder of the Nico Protection Club in that he's the one they're all protecting Nico from and meanwhile Nico is throwing himself at Percy to the point where the literal god of gay love calls him out on it.

[gregoftom]

pretty sure i’ve seen romance movies with scenes like this

[medicinemane]

There's honestly... just so many people, just so so so so so many people in this world where I'm like... aren't you people tired of this fucking... you know, I was going to call them clowns but that's really disrespectful to clowns, these people could never get their face on an egg...

Anyway, aren't you tired of this childish jackass? Don't you just want to ignore them and never have to hear about them again? If we just ignored them they legitimately would go away... don't you want that?

And this applies to... just ungodly amounts of people, from jake paul to even elon musk (just... don't touch his shit, he'll run out of money eventually with how bad he is with it), to just... name an annoying famous person and you'll name someone I've literally forgotten right now that I could never have to hear about again if people would just ignore them (unless they committed crimes, investigators are welcome to pay attention while gathering a case)

Yet the answer's always "no, we're paying so much attention to them!" and I'm just like... why? Why would you watch jake paul box? I heard about that and was like "he's still doing that shit?", and yet I guess it made a lot of money yet again and it's just like... ignore him

These people could go away, and yet

[heartsofminds]

being 21 is one of the most humbling ages ever like it’s always SOMETHING! literally always fucking SOMETHING!!! 🤩🤭

[time-is-restored]

73 yards thoughts

now that ive had a night to sleep on it, and read everyone's thoughts, im rewatching the episode to see if i can come to a more definite opinion about the episode (though that's perhaps against the spirit of the thing, lol!)

so a few moments that stood out for me that i don't think have already been talked about a lot:

when mrs twist shows up on the mountain, and ruby is giving her messages to pass along to the woman, she wants to say sorry. when mrs twist asks 'what for?' ruby looks genuinely thrown + upset, and eventually says '...i don't know.' since the woman/curse that haunts ruby is functionally an externalisation of ruby's deep seated sense that there is something fundamentally wrong with her, i think this interaction was super poignant. ruby 'knows' that she's done something that she needs to apologise for in the same way that she 'knows' there is something wrong with her that will make people react with fear + anger. there's no proof, no clear flaw or mistake that she can point to, because that's the point. the woman isn't saying anything specific -- there's nothing to say. noticing her (noticing a part of ruby that has a perception filter on it -- that is hard to see until you get close) just means that you see in ruby what ruby sees in herself. she is afraid that people will 'discover' whatever is wrong with her, and she'll lose them forever.

relevant to this is the fact that ruby didn't actually break the circle. if reading the messages is what summoned the woman in universe, then sure, she has culpability for that. but if it was breaking the circle, she had to live with the consequences of someone else's actions, and feeling guilt for something she didn't do. while im less confident with this reading, you could argue this is an allegory for her being given away. ultimately, that decision had nothing to do with her. she was literally a baby lmao. the idea that there's something wrong with her bc of her mother's decision is illogical -- doesn't follow reality, just like magic. she's spending her life trying to make up for a mistake she hasn't made (and, honestly, probably wasn't made. we don't know anything about her birth mother -- its more than likely that she wasn't fit to be a parent to ruby, no matter how human or supernatural the reasons for that were. but the facts of the situation don't matter here, in this liminal space. guilt and fear and shame bleed through the gaps. ruby could arguably be 'the spiteful one' the pub laugh about. she thinks she needs to be punished for something, and so the woman punishes her.)

following along this line, we know that ruby genuinely doesn't know what might have caused the woman to appear. she suggests trespassing, or breaking the circle, and gets the idea that reading the notes might have been wrong from the pub, but she never finds out for sure. unit doesn't know, or at least doesn't have the chance to tell her. the lack of closure ties in really well -- ruby has to carry a trauma that, even as she comes to terms with it, she can never truly explain or understand. even the partial amnesia at the end of the episode can be read as a sort of 'the body remembers what the mind forgets'. some part of her knows something terrible has happened, something that scarred her and left her alone for an immense amount of time (even if that time, in a literal sense, was undone), but she won't be able to put words to it. it seems that self acceptance - literally opening her arms to this *thing* that has haunted her her whole life,

now for some more rambly thoughts/things im still confused about

i genuinely think if not for the single shot of the episode reversing and old ruby now standing with her arms out on the cliff, i would have no problems with the themes of this episode. it was a powerful representation of rejection and fear that genuinely freaked me out (ruby running after her stone-faced mother while crying BROKE me), and i think it was a great character study of ruby. like others have said -- how many people would have stuck it out for that long? how many people would have never resented/blamed the doctor (or anyone, really) for leaving? and how many of THEM would've come to find a sense of companionship with their spectre?. ...however.

i can not wrap my head around the shot where time reverses and old ruby is looking out from the pov of the woman. it completely breaks my brain. i know at a certain point i should just accept that the woman can do whatever the story needs her to do, but there was nothing about time travel up to that point. it was all about physical and psychological boundaries. more than that, there was no indication that ruby was trying to make up for what had gone wrong. she didn't try and fix the circle, she didn't try and communicate with the woman at all beyond her first failed apology. on its own, i like this -- ruby becomes resentful of the woman quite quickly, which tracks as an expression of her poor self esteem. why would she try and get in the good graces of someone she rejects + dislikes? and again, i LIKE that she eventually treats her as a companion. all ruby has is herself, and she can never leave herself. getting to a point where she doesn't want the woman to go away, where she doesn't feel lonely while alone -- it makes sense that that is what heals the riff. i can write all that out in a way that makes sense to me. ruby makes a mistake (or witnesses a mistake) that makes the doctor disappear. she rejects herself, and in this liminal space, the part that she rejects manifests into reality. it haunts her for the rest of her life, even as she begins to wield what she thinks it says about her (that she's unloveable) to her advantage. when she accepts it, and integrates it back into herself, she is able to speak clearly to herself -- what she is thinking makes it across to young!ruby. when ruby thinks about the situation without the influence of self hate, she realises that the problem was the doctor's actions, not her own. she gets the message across, the doctor doesn't disappear, and the cycle never starts. the loop closes.

but. she wasn't one with the woman the whole time! if she was, the doctor would have never stepped on the circle -- the loop couldn't start, and so it wouldn't need to be closed. like, i know that we do a lot of paradoxes in this show and sometimes things are just gonna be Weird. but to me it's like if, in turn left, donna died in an unrelated car crash, then ended up back in time anyway. so why, if ruby has apparently accepted the woman by the time she visits the tardis for the last time, does the show bother with taking us back to the hospital and seeing old!ruby flatline? why doesn't the old woman come to her there, in that moment, so old!ruby is reaching across time but not space? if i squint, i could make an argument for the death. ruby's understanding of herself dies so a new, more accepting one can be born -- and obviously the timeline would fade away in the moment the loop is closed. but that's not what happens. old!ruby chooses hope and accepts herself, THEN goes back to the hospital, dies, then travels back to the past through time AND space (somehow, sure, i'll just accept the woman can do that), then communicates the message, then fades away. what changed between the visit to the tardis and her death? what do those few minutes possibly add other than the 'ive never been alone' line, which could've easily been written into the talk on the cliff? hell, she could've passed away right there on the cliff, if that needed to happen! but no matter how i twist it i can't understand why the old woman looked the same as it did before old!ruby merged with her, behaved + moved the same, and physically manifested when none of the criteria for its appearance had yet been met. im almost certainly overthinking it -- i can map everything else from this episode onto a psychological exploration of ruby and her fear. maybe the episode is saying that the woman was always there (at least to ruby), and old!ruby's self acceptance is what let the message get through??? but fuck i hate that she looks the same!!!! aghghhhghg! what changed! what changed! it looks like nothing changeddddd!!!!! <- deranged. they merged, there should be a sign of that beyond her hands being mirrored with ruby's.

tldr. if i could change anything about the ending of the episode, i'd take it in one of two ways. either have ruby merge with the woman while on the cliff and have ruby say something like 'now, what were you (or i) trying to tell me?' before cutting to the new timeline, or have the woman post merge look like old (or young!) ruby. she couldn't be seen because she was unknowable and (bc of ruby's schema) unloveable, so ruby conjured a generic older woman (possibly drawing from mother issues -- had to be someone at minimum old enough to be her bio mum). if she now looked like something specific, wouldn't that show old!ruby knew that what she feared was all bc she rejected herself? young!ruby could even have a line to go along with 'she looked like she was looking for someone', maybe 'i wanted to talk to her' -- just something small indicating that old!ruby's acceptance of herself was passed down in some small way, even if it certainly hasn't cured ruby of anything.

now for other theme/focus mutterings. i could spin something here about the fact that the doctor says the fairy circle 'is' charms and spells and hopes and dreams. ruby hopes and dreams that she can be accepted, and later, that she can bring the doctor back/undo the moment where it all went wrong. but the doctor also says that they should 'rest in piece'. so they're dead hopes and dreams, aka fears + regrets? so breaking it unleashed both the doctor and her greatest fears - the doctor of complete helplessness + impotence, and ruby of abandonment + rejection. because those fears stay buried in this timeline, ruby + the doctor's hopes (which in many ways are embodied in each other) can continue to live and be 'here', not drowned in the past.

also, the doctor implies the woman is 'resting in piece', out of nowhere, which i think is another indication of both ruby AND the doctor having knowledge from the split timeline. after all, old!ruby did die. so did the timeline where all that happened, i suppose. maybe that's the other angle for the fairy circle - it represents the fragility of a load bearing timeline. the hundreds of dead paradoxes and dead universes that spin off from time being written and unwritten as the doctor (and his companions) fixes whatever he can. let them rest in piece. forget what could've happened. forget what just did happen.

now for my other critique. i think the sexual harassment sub plot was cheap and shitty, and only served to be an incredibly lazy 'kick the puppy' moment to show that the prime minister was Evil™ levels of bad. in the process it showed no respect or care to victims of abuse, and pretty heavily implied that ruby had done nothing in the face of her peer being abused, because 'she had to make sure'. of what? that mad jack was a bad guy? watching him heavily imply he wanted to fire nukes wasn't enough to confirm anything? 'he's a monster' wasn't enough? why? what metric was she using, then? if she was waiting for him to be prime minister, why did she wait an unspecified amount of time AFTER he was elected, where he's clearly still abusing marti, to act? presumably the audience was already on team 'oh this guy sucks' by the nuke interview at the VERY latest, where it was also made clear that the guy was fearmongering about borders and all sorts of right wing bullshit. like, those are just the problems with it off the top of my head -- it fucking sucks, basically.

that all being said, i think ruby convincing herself that she only has 'one chance' works super well into the overall theme of ruby's understanding of the monster + her situation being tied to arbitrary rules she's decided help make the woman make sense. since this terrible thing happened when life was previously going fine, there must be a way to undo it and go back to the love and acceptance she had before. but there is no monster to slay that will trigger the end credits. there's just ordinary, shitty humans, and ruby herself. she can't uncross the boundary of pre-and-post trauma. and as long as she thinks there is something she has to make up for, the world where she is being punished will keep ticking along. i just wish it had been communicated in a different context!!!

side note. does anyone else want to come live with me in a world where 'it never snowed again' means that snow never occured again anywhere in the world. yes its way more likely to think that ruby's referring to instances of spontaneous snow linked to her emotions. but can you IMAGINE hardening your heart so entirely after being rejected by your mother that you change the climate of planet earth?? holy shit!

[quietwingsinthesky]

Still bothered by Azazel possessing a reaper. How tf did you do that, old man.

[bullseyelover]

BENJAMIN “DEX” POINDEXTER aka BULLSEYE therapy prop notes from Daredevil S3

[mossy-rot]

emotional magic truly is the magic system ever. struggling to keep your emotions under control, watching as it lashes out of you. being so despaired that you can't even make your magic do anything. letting your emotions quite literally eat away at you, consuming you whole until there's nothing left.

[blooming-cecilia]

so. 🧎

can we discuss.