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trashywormeateroffics · 2 years ago

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The right universe.

Summary: After Y/N's life turns upside down, she's full of grief. Somehow, one day, she manages to travel to the MCU, where she meets her favorite characters, including a certain god who seems willing to establish a friendship with her. Suddenly she's enwrapped in this new world, where everything she loved in a screen is now reality. How will she react? Will she be able to deal with the ghosts that haunt her? Or will she let them consume her? Will she be open to accept the love she is offered? Read to find out!

Read this on AO3!

Category: F/M.

Relationships: Loki/reader.

Characters: Wanda Maximoff, Pietro Maximoff, Sam Wilson (Marvel), James "Bucky" Barnes, Vision (Marvel), Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Stephen Strange, Nick Fury, Maria Hill, Bruce Banner, Thor (Marvel), Clint Barton, Steve Rogers, Peter Parker, other minor appearances of other characters but these are the main ones, Pepper Potts, Loki (Marvel).

Additional tags: Loki/reader - Freeform, Avenger Loki (Marvel), Loki & Tony Stark Friendship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Fluffyfest, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Pining a lot because we love to suffer, Domestic Avengers, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark is a parental figure, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Everyone is a good bro, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, y/n, After Infinity War but no one died and the purple bitch was defeated, Missions, Y/N is a universe traveller, Grief, Therapy, Protective Loki (Marvel), Loki in love.

MASTERLIST OF THE STORY

Chapter 4: 177A Bleecker Street.

It had been seven weeks since she arrived at the compound. The avengers quickly turned into friends and even though she did not want to think about it, they were the closest thing to a family she had now.

That day, as she walked down the hall with her crutches, she heard a booming voice, which she knew belonged to Thor. Excitement bubbled up inside her, the two Asgardian brothers and Strange were the only ones she hadn't met yet.

“Y/N, come in, meet Thor!” Bruce said, excited to see his friend. She noticed that Thor had his short Ragnarok hair.

“Lady Y/N, Thor Odinson, pleasure to meet you.” He said, kissing her hand.

“Hi Thor! It's so nice to finally meet you, is Loki here too?” She asked, overly animated. Thor chuckled.

“My brother is taking care of some business in the other seven realms, letting them know where New Asgard is and reassuring allies,” he explained. “He'll come back in a few midgardian months I suppose.” He furrowed his brows. “But do not worry, after we lost our home and fought Thanos, my brother is a changed man. He has no malicious intent as he once had.” He clarified but Y/N laughed.

“I'm not scared of your brother Thor,” she said, confusing the blond god.

“You are not?” He asked.

“Nope.”

“Actually, creepy here is a fan of his.” Tony said and Thor's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“He may have been one of my favorite characters in the MCU…” She said nonchalantly.

“The MCU?”

“Marvel Cinematic Universe,” Bruce explained to him, “the movies we're from.”

“Oh,” he nodded. “Loki will be delighted to meet you then!”

“NO!” Y/N shouted. “Don't ever tell him this, ever. It's embarrassing.”

“Mmm�� and why would admiring someone be embarrassing? Perhaps you read some fanfiction about a certain god?” Tony asked knowingly.

Y/N's face reddened and she laughed nervously. Thank the Gods Nat interjected.

“Tony, we all know you've read fanfiction about Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos so don't even try to make her feel ashamed.” Everyone, except Tony, who seemed offended, burst out laughing. She looked at Nat with a thankful expression and in response, the redhead winked at her with a smirk.

“Oh Y/N!” Cap said. “Don't forget that tomorrow me and Tony are taking you to the doctor to take off your cast.”

“How could I forget about this thing finally being gone?” She responded.

“Right. After it's gone, we're gonna do the exercises that the doctor says and as soon as you are permitted to, you'll start training with me and Romanoff for hand to hand combat, and with Strange for your alleged powers. Got it?”

“Yes sir!” She said in a mocking soldier tone, saluting with her hand before leaving to her room.

-------------------------------------

The cast was off and it had been a month of combat training with Steve and Nat. Strange had insisted that she should have some physical training before starting the magic training.

But today was the day, Happy took her to 177A Bleecker Street, New York City to finally meet the Sorcerer Supreme. Standing in the doorway, she rang the bell and, before she could process what was happening, she was inside the sanctum, losing her balance and falling to the floor.

“Ouch! Do you do that because you know everyone hates it?!” She asked in annoyance before glancing at the caped man.

“Yes,” he responded with a hint of mockery in his tone. “Dr. Strange.” He introduced himself.

“Y/F/N.”

“Okay Miss Y/L/N, we need to figure out if you have powers or not. First I'm gonna ask you a few questions, then we are testing your alleged powers and we'll see what we do after that. Clear?” He asked in a serious tone and she nodded. “Right. Take a seat. Would you like some tea?”

“Yeah, sure. Thank you.” She smiled shyly.

“So tell me, how did you travel universes? Stark and Banner explained some things but I'd like to hear it from you, if that presents no problem.”

“No problem at all,” she said apprehensively. “To put it simply-”

“Don't put it simply,” he interrupted. “I need the whole story, with as much detail as you can possibly give me.”

“Okay, to not put it simply then…” She smiled sheepishly. “I have always been normal… by that I mean I've never had powers or any indication that I possessed them.” She looked over at Strange, who seemed to be paying attention to her every word, so she continued. “My whole family died in a car crash, pretty cliché,” she chuckled, “but it doesn't make it hurt any less. Two weeks passed after that and I was staying at my grandmother's sister's house. I was pretty much numb, it felt as if the wave of a tsunami had washed over me and I didn't have the strength to fight back, to try to swim, so I just let the current take me wherever it wanted. That was until one day, I don't know exactly what it was, but I was in my room there, about to have a snack, and something cracked inside me.” She looked at Strange, giving him the space to ask something if he wanted and he nodded.

“How did it feel? How do you know that something cracked?” That made Y/N’s expression turn thoughtful.

“I suppose it was a realization… of how ridiculous everything is and how much had happened in so little time. It was like I peeked my head out from under the water and something came alive in me.” The Sorcerer motioned for her to continue. “I left and I started running. I assumed I was having some sort of panic or anxiety attack, but it was the worst one I've ever had. I ran and ran and ran and I ended up in the middle of nowhere, in front of a cliff. I collapsed on the floor and cried, more like sobbed, for a while and then I felt something inside me… it was like all the pain, all the fear, all the love, every single thing I've ever felt in my life, it all kind of came together and I screamed, so loud. And then I was involved in that white tunnel, going up and then down and before I hit the ground, everything went black.”

They both stayed silent for a while after that. Strange out of respect for Y/N, and her because she was trying to collect herself and put the grief back in that little box at the back of her mind. A few minutes passed and all that could be heard was the clock on the wall, tick tock, tick tock.

“Y/N,” she looked up. “Do you think that you did it?”

“Yes, I don't know why, it's a feeling. Perhaps it's my own desire to be something more than… me.” Strage nodded.

“I agree with you,” that made Y/N lift her head up and furrow her eyebrows. “On the part where you said that you did it, not on that nonsense that you said after.” That made her laugh and he smiled. “We are going to do one more thing and then we are done for today, you need to rest.”

“Okay,” she answered softly.

Strange stood up and motioned for Y/N to follow him to what seemed to her like a witches cauldron for potions.

“This is the Cauldron of the Cosmos,” at least she got the cauldron part right, she thought. “It will determine if you have powers or not, after we confirm that, if it turns out that you do have powers, Wong will help us figure out where they came from and you'll be training with us. But you must know that it's a tedious process.”

“Well, it's not like I have many other things to do.” Y/N said half-jokingly.

“I need you to grab onto the cauldron with both hands.” Strange said as he grabbed something from a cabinet nearby and she did. When he came closer, she could see a tiny bottle with some liquid in it. He put a few drops in the cauldron and said “ahenum mundi ostendit veritatem” and suddenly the room was illuminated by a purplish light, in the middle of the image of a blueish spiral, she could see what seemed like a million little white stars.

Strange moved the image with his gloved hands and zoomed in the middle of it, where a baby appeared, a very familiar baby. Her. The baby was crying, it seemed that she was just born a few moments ago and there were two hands holding her, one on her body, the other on her head. What caught her attention more than anything was that the baby was englowed in that same familiar white light, and so was she, standing there, holding onto the cauldron. With a movement of his hand, everything went back to normal and she let go of it. Y/N looked at Strange with a shocked expression.

“What does this mean?” She asked, her voice a bit strangled.

“That we were right.”

~taglist~ @mischief2sarawr @midnights-ramblings

#loki x reader #loki laufeyson #Loki Laufeyson x reader #Loki Odinson x reader #loki x y/n #loki x yn #loki x you #loki #mcu #mcu x reader #avengers x reader #the avengers

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yikeswtfmate · 5 years ago

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Puzzle

previous part // It’s All Fun and Games Series Masterlist // main masterlist

Summary: Bucky and Y/N answer one question.

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: none

A/N: might it be...spring? 👀

A cherry blossom petal falls and slides over a bare shoulder, golden flowers inlaid into a loose braid glimmer in the light of the sun, and two wide eyes – incredulous, delighted, in love – shift every few seconds, trying to imprint every single moment of this day. There are birds chirping in the distance, muffled by the steady flow of soft conversations just feet away from her. The crisp white curtains float behind her, on a dance played by the breeze – lilac in nature, a soft undertone of water, where frogs sing their song.

There’s a flurry of hair and dresses around her, and the only constant is her father – misty eyed, although he promised he won’t cry. They both knew he wouldn’t be able to keep his word, especially when their eyes lock above three little giggling girls with baskets of flowers dangling from their tiny hands. She shakes her head once at him, he smiles, but covers his mouth with a trembling hand.

Her mother places a hand on his forearm, whispering words of encouragement, a wink in her direction. She might be the tougher one between them both, yet her mascara is already smudged. A grunt from her sister, and their mother is ushered out, complaints and mumbles ignored. A last unspoken conversation, fingers squeezed tightly, and her sister follows the path laid by the distinct chords of the music.

Two redheads in front of her now, and she might just crumble, if it weren’t for their arms around her bare back. Flowers to the side – don’t crush them, be careful – and two distinct pecks on her cheeks, a nudge and a pinch on her arm and she giggles through the tears before they’re also gone.

“Are you ready, sweetheart?” Her father asks, and she can’t say it, she’s choked up, she’s barely holding it all together, because yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes.

Her hand looped around his arm, she takes a step – one, two, three, careful now, do not trip, and she’s temporarily blinded by the sudden sunlight. She blinks a few times, trying to get used to it, her father’s presence a monolith beside her, steeling her against the tears that have tried to spill for the past week.

She’s sure this might do it – the sudden hush, the music caressing her ears, her pounding heart; she could just fall to the ground, in a white cloud of lace and organza. Until she opens her eyes and there it is. The reason behind her tears, her smiles, her trembling hands, her happiness, her love, her I love you more every day.

He’s mesmerised, words and thoughts abandoning him, because there’s nothing else he sees but her, her, her. He can only see years of laughter, dancing fingers, tugging lips, and crinkled noses; of good morning, you big dummy, of I don’t want to go out, let’s just spend the day in bed, of I can’t believe we didn’t realise it sooner.

He can only say I promise, I promise, I promise until the end of time – you. Only you, forever. And there’s a battle of smiles and tears, but they can’t do anything more than squeeze each other’s hands, promising, promising, promising. She says I love you – only you, forever, but that’s an old one, lost in the fabric of time, feeling like forever ago, yet it’s the only answer in their universe, the one constant truth.

Rings slipping on fingers, fitting into place like missing pieces in a game of an unknown jigsaw puzzle – never to be moved again. Two whispers – I do, and then. And then, and then, and then forever.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

It’s darker now, sky set ablaze until the stars blinked open their eyes, competing with the lanterns hanging above laughter, whispers, shouts and giggles. Their heads are pressed together, breaths mingling and she can taste the sweet tang of champagne on his lips. His arm is draped over the back of her chair, her knees between his, face to face, crinkled eyes and still staring in wander.

“Baby.” He murmurs, because he doesn’t want the spell to break – this precious gift he’s been given, that he’s still afraid might run away. “We’ve done it. We’re married. I can call you my wife now.”

“Isn’t it great?” She giggles. “Bucky, my husband. You’re James, my husband, now.”

A knife tapped on a glass and slowly the chatter dies down, guests turn in their seats and Steve is suddenly looking flustered. He might be a great lawyer, but this might be one of the most important speeches he’ll ever have to utter. He clears his throat, tugs at his collar and looks at Peggy for a second, asking for silent support. She smiles and nods, waiting for him to start.

“Good evening, everyone. For those of you who don’t know me, then you’ve probably only met the groom today as well. Bucky and I have been inseparable for nearly 30 years and I’d like to thank him for finally confirming that I am indeed his best friend after all this time of having to listen to him berate me for every single thing.

“Today I am supposed to say a few words about the main man – about whom I can honestly say that he’s the most handsome, most intelligent and funniest man you’ll ever meet and I am so proud of calling him my friend. So if you bump into him today – where’s Tony? Today is his birthday so please let him know that we haven’t forgotten about him, he’ll have his party after this wedding is done – happy birthday, Tony!”

A ripple of laughter, followed by a wave of “happy birthday, Tony!” and Steve shakes his head, getting into his element. Bucky chuckles when Y/N whistles next to him, whooping in delight.

“In all seriousness now, I’ve also known Y/N for almost 12 years now, when this little Tasmanian devil showed up with 50 balloons at a bar, letting us all know that – hey, did you know it takes 364 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?” His voice turns a few notes higher, until it’s only a squeak, earning another wave of laughter.

“I’m so happy for both of you that Bucky is also a weirdo and instead of hitting on you like a normal person, he just let you know that the blob of toothpaste that sits on your toothbrush is called a nurdle. It was meant to be, wasn’t it?

“You’d think so, but we all have to remember that these two are two complete and utter dumbasses. It only took them ten years of friendship – which mind you, that is not how friends act, ok? I’m sorry to the parents that are here tonight, but your children think they can regularly have sleepovers and only be friends? You’ve raised two dense kids, and you can’t get mad at me, because I’m part of both your families, ok?

“It only took them ten years of friendship to realise the utter love and adoration they have for each other. I’ve never seen Bucky happier than when he’s with Y/N and I think I speak for everyone here tonight who knows you two how excited and proud we all are to finally be able to call you Mr and Mrs Barnes.

“Now Bucky has been with me through thick and thin and I can hand to heart say he’s the most loyal, genuine gentleman I’ve ever known. But you also have to remember that Buck here doesn’t like to be the center of attention, so I was more than certain that today he’d be a nervous wreck. This morning, however, he was the calmest I’ve ever seen him. I asked him ‘Buck, this is the most important day of your life and you’re not nervous?’ and you know what he said?

“He said ‘Steve, when you know you’ve made the best decision of your life, when you know you get to spend the rest of your life with the person who’s made you the happiest you’ve ever been, what the hell is there to be nervous about?’ This perfectly sums up the love this man has for his wife. I couldn’t have hoped for anyone better for either of you.

“I wish you both a long and happy marriage together. I know that you always said you’re soulmates, but I didn’t believe it until I’ve seen you two today. You were truly meant to love each other. So, everyone, please raise your glasses to the bride and groom, Y/N and Bucky! Congratulations!”

The cheers and applause die down long after Steve’s downed his glass of champagne. A long hug between the boys, Bucky might be in tears, but he’ll be damned if he lets Sam see it. Y/N is crying, it’s their big day and she’ll ruin her make-up, they have enough photos, who cares anymore, because she’s feeling too deeply, too many emotions that could never be bottled up. Steve laughs at her, a giggle on her lips and they sway from side to side in a tight hug – “you two made us all believe in true love,” he whispers and she might need that tissue Bucky is holding out for her.

She pulls herself together, takes in a deep breath and looks at Bucky, her Bucky, like he’s hung the moon – now and forever. His gaze follows her as she stands up again, clearing her throat and shaking her shoulders. Someone hands her a microphone. He has no idea what she has planned, but he’ll sit there and listen to her all his life as if her words are nectar and he’s a starved man.

“Hi. I haven’t done anything to prepare for this speech and if you know me at all, you wouldn’t be surprised about this in the least.” He laughs together with the rest, and Nat shouts an encouragement from somewhere down the table.

“I just wanted to stand up and thank you all for being here with us today, on what must be one of the happiest days of my life yet. I cannot express in words how much this man means to me, or the love I hold for him, but I’ll try.” Y/N says and her fingers find his, a glint in her eyes.

“Bucky has been my best friend for twelve years now, and although Steve would never admit it, I love him more than anyone else in this entire world. Also, I’m sorry, Mrs Barnes, move over, there’s a new Mrs Barnes in town! I’m joking, I love you, please don’t take me off the Christmas list.

She fully turns to him now, tears in her eyes, and Bucky knows in that moment that he could die right there and he’d have been the happiest man alive.

“As I was saying, this gorgeous man has been my rock, my anchor, my pillar in times of happiness and sadness. He’s the most kind, most loving, and most generous person I’ve ever met. He’s been there for me when I was at my worst and at my best. He’s seen me with bangs, and he’s seen me crying at 3 in the morning because we didn’t have any ice cream left.

“James Barnes is my soulmate. We’ve admitted this many times before, we’ve shouted it on top of our lungs, we’ve tattooed it on our bodies. I’m not joking, mom, I’m sorry, that is a J, not just half of a heart; which you should’ve known couldn’t be possible because he holds my entire heart, not just half of it. I love this man with my entire being, I’ve never been happier than when you hold my hand. You bring order to my chaos, you bring out all that’s best in me, you bring me sunshine and laughter and all that’s sweet in life just by looking at me.

“I’m so grateful that I’ve met you and I never could have imagined that I will ever know a love so deep. I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you, because I know each day will be a new adventure. You’re my soulmate and I love you, James Barnes.”

There’s a ruckus as each person stands up, clapping, shouting, whistling and whooping – a clamour of noise that gets drowned out the second Bucky’s arms circle around her waist. He’s crying now – fully and unabashed. He loves this woman more than he’ll ever love anyone else, and it’s in the way her fingers brush across the hair at his nape, the way her body aligns so perfectly with his, the way her mouth curves in the softest smile when he kisses her lips, the way her eyes will always tell him I love you, I love you, I love you. You, only you, for the rest of my life.

“I love you too, baby.”

***

The End.

A/N: It’s been a true rollercoaster and I loved every minute of it. IAFAG has been my first baby, and the first actual series that I’ve written. I’ve never attempted anything on this scale, but I can only say that I definitely don’t regret it, it’s been fun, it’s been great and these Bonky & Reader will always always always will have a special place in my heart.

I would like to thank all of you for reading and loving this series. The positive feedback, love and the overflow of support has been not only unexpected, but I couldn’t have even hoped for something like this! I love all of you, thank you!

Lastly, thank you to @the-chocolate-moose for supporting me along every single step of this, for listening to me spewing bullshit on a daily basis, reading said bullshit at 2 in the fucking morning bc I cannot function like a normal human being, letting me know when I’m losing the characters and all in all for being a wonderful person! I love you, this whole series is yours as much as it’s mine!

#it's all fun and games #yikeswtfmate #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes imagine

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wkemeup · 6 years ago

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Soldat

summary: When a hydra agent finds a way to hack into FRIDAY’s system to trigger Bucky into the winter soldier, he nearly kills you. In the aftermath, he can’t begin to find a way to forgive himself. Not without your help.

pairing: bucky x reader

word count: 7,022

warnings: wintersoldier!bucky, self-hating!bucky, physical fights, lots of comfort and soft!bucky 🌸

author’s note: So this is my first time writing for bucky and naturally I go for the angst/comfort fic bc thats where my twisted soul is happiest. I’d love to hear what you thought if you read it!

Your back slammed heavy against the floor of the ring. It was the third time in as many minutes that you’d been thrown off your feet. You huffed the hair from your eyes, pursing your lips in a frown as you stared up at the man responsible for the current ache pulsing through your shoulders. Bucky shook his head, chuckling as dark hair swayed over his eyes.

“You’re getting soft, doll.”

“It’s an off day,” you grumbled. “You try sparring with a super solider the day after getting back from a month-long mission in Guatemala.”

“Excuses, excuses.”

Bucky turned his back to you as he reached for the water bottle sitting on the edge of the ring. His first mistake. You flipped onto your stomach, crawling along the mat until he stood close enough for you to swing your leg hard against the back of his knees, sending him tumbling to the floor. He let out a grunt at the impact. Hands grappled at his wrists, pushing them out to his sides and against the mat as your left leg swung over his waist to straddle him down.

He pushed up against you, but you dug your right knee into his hip bone and forced his arms back down. Bucky groaned, letting his head fall against the mat as he rolled his eyes.

“Wanna call me soft again, sweetheart?”

A bead of sweat dripped off the end of the baby hairs framing your face and fell against the floor next to Bucky’s head. He didn’t flinch, not even to tug at his wrists you kept bound against the mat. He could have escaped you easier than you’d admit with the strength of the serum running through his veins, but he stayed down. You raised an eyebrow at him, suspicious that he hadn’t tossed you off yet. A grin pulled at his lips, his eyes narrowing as they trailed over your face and down to where you sat against his waist.

“Not sure yet,” he said through a heavy breath. “Kinda like where it got me.”

You laughed, shaking your head as you pushed yourself off of him until you laid comfortably along matt next to him. Bucky adjusted his arms to rest his hands behind his head. The tips of his hair were wet with sweat, patches of his shirt damp from the last hour you’d spent pushing each other in the ring. It was a kind of routine you’d find yourself in at three in the morning. It was the only place Bucky had found peace when he first joined the avengers; told you as much a few months after you first met.

He was always one to keep to himself, that much didn’t surprise you, not with what he had been through. You had been working with the avengers for a few years before Steve brought Bucky onto the team. Most of your time was spent alongside Nat and Clint, being the only avengers without any superhero abilities other than your dashing good looks and assassin primed skill set. The gym was your home in the compound. It was where you spent most of your time. Whether it be training SHEILD recruits, pushing yourself in hand to hand with Nat, or running miles on the treadmill when the nights became too dark, which they often did.

It was also where you forged your friendship with Bucky.

You had caught him beating the life out of the fourth punching bag Tony had replaced in a week at nearly two in the morning. His back was to you, dripping in sweat, as his grunts echoed throughout the room. He had only been living in the compound for a few days, hadn’t so much as said a word to anyone other than Steve.

You had approached him slowly, wondering if he was there for the same reason you were. Who else would decide to work out at this hour unless they had some demons to fight off? It was the first time you ever saw Bucky flinch as you approached him, eyes wide, unsuspecting, as you held your hands up cautiously. You had pressed your lips into a tight smile, nodding towards the treadmill to signal where you’d be and he only nodded once before returning to the punching bag. The dark circles under his eyes didn’t go unnoticed, nor did the sunken, pale look of his skin. He was better at hiding his demons during the day, you thought. He didn’t acknowledge you again until the fifth time you ran into each other in the dead of night.

He didn’t speak to you but he helped correct your form on a move you had been working on endlessly with Nat but couldn’t seem to get right. He gestured the move for you, waiting for you to signal you understood before he went back to the punching bag. You had watched him with careful eyes, studying him more than the combat move he was instructing. Still, you kept your distance. You remembered what Steve had told you about him. You weren’t in the business of pushing people before they were ready. It would be another two weeks before he spoke to you for the first time.

He had called your name as you were on your sixth mile on the treadmill, not having noticed his presence behind you. It had only been half etched smiles or a nod in recognition before that moment. You had raised an eyebrow at him, shocked as how soft his voice sounded in comparison to his hardened exterior. You jumped off the machine, wiping your brow with the edge of your shirt. It was the first time he asked you to spar.

Sooner than you realized, you had become friends. He had learned to tease you when you’d accidentally go for his left arm in hand to hand, momentarily forgetting it was made of solid metal. He’d laugh when you’d pin him to the ground and spray water at you when you’d get a little too cocky about it. You’d spend hours sitting at the edge of the ring, drenched in sweat, talking about the team, how he really should give everyone a chance, how you’d grown to befriend Steve, and how you came to be a part of the team. Bucky would talk about the 40’s and his ma. He told you about his past, the things Steve didn’t dare to share with you and the disdain he carried for the scars along his shoulder. He’d tell you about the nightmares that used to bring him to the gym late at night. He’d tell you that he started to come even when the nightmares were absent because there was just something comforting about this place.

He didn’t tell you it was you.

He learned to find himself again in this gym, sparring with you, talking with you, evading his demons with you. The first day you saw him join the team for movie night, you almost choked on your popcorn. He sat down next to you, mumbled ‘what the hell is a hogwart,’ before he shoved his hand into your bowl of popcorn. When the rest of the team wouldn’t seem to evert their looks of complete shock, Bucky just shrugged and settled in next to you, asking a hundred questions about the movie. Sam had teased him about it, only for you to chuck the empty popcorn bowl across the room at him. Bucky had laughed so hard, he doubled over. Steve sat across the room with a beaming smile.

“You think Steve was right?” Bucky’s voice drew your attention back. You turned on your side to look at him, arm settling under your head to cushion against the hard ground of the ring. You narrowed your eyes quizzically and Bucky shrugged. “He keeps saying I need to get out more.”

You propped yourself up on your elbow. “What has you thinking about that?”

“He wants me to go on an undercover op next week. Requires blending in with the civilians.”

“You did a pretty good job of it in Bucharest,” you pointed out. He shook his head.

“This is different. I wouldn’t be just looking out for myself.” Bucky sighed, rubbing his face free of the sweat. “I’d have a mission again and people to watch out for. I’d had to keep myself in one piece or,”

“You’d have me to answer to,” you said, cutting him off with a lighthearted grin and poking him in his side. That got him smiling again. You plopped yourself back down on the mat, hair brushing up in a halo around your head. Your shoulder touched his and you tried to ignore the jolt of electricity fluttering across your skin.

Bucky chuckled. “Yeah I guess I would. Don’t want to see you mad, that’s for sure.”

“I’d have to beat you up again,” you teased, unable to control the grin on your face as you stared up at the ceiling. It was nearly impossible to suppress the laugh creeping up from your chest. You could tell he was looking at you, narrowing his striking blue eyes.

“Is that what you wanna call-“

A blaring siren cut Bucky off before he could finish. You jolted upright just as the lights went out, replaced by dim red and blue lighting along the outer walls. Bucky was on his feet before you could register what was happening. The siren was so loud; it was piercing. You winced as you felt the resounding horn in the back of your skull.

“FRIDAY!” you shouted, “What the hell is going on?”

“Not sure, Agent (Y/L/n),” the AI responded, her voice more panicked than you’d appreciate for a computer. “I think someone hacked into my system.”

“Is that even possible?” Bucky yelled towards you, hoping you could hear him over the sound of the siren.

“Not supposed to be!” You ran your hands through your hair, eyes scanning over the empty room. You gestured towards the door. “We should find the rest of the team. Make sure everyone’s alright.”

Bucky nodded, jumping over the ropes of the ring. You followed close behind, using the post the propel yourself above the barrier. Feet on the ground, you started jogging towards the exit when suddenly the siren ceased. You both pulled to a stop. A ringing was left in your ears in the siren’s absence. You and Bucky exchanged worried looks.

“I am delighted to see you again, soldat,” the voice said over the speakers in a thick German accent. You could vaguely register the subtle noise of the surveillance camera turning in Bucky’s direction. “I hope you’re still as capable as you once were. I suppose we will find out together.”

Bucky shook his head, his breathing picking up in pace. His right hand was shaking as he brought it to his mouth, rubbing anxiously at his lips.

“Oh God,” Bucky whispered in a shaky exhale. His eyes flickered over to you and the wave of panic across his face was enough to send a burning ache in your stomach.

“Bucky…” you started, though you couldn’t find the strength to finish. You knew about the trigger words, how Shuri had done her best to clear them from his head but she hadn’t quite figured it out just yet. He had been stable enough to return home with Steve, he had made so much progress, she was so close. But it wasn’t enough. She needed a few more months, Bucky would stay at the compound until then. It would be alright, Steve promised. No one knew the words; the book had been destroyed. The fear across Bucky’s face only reflected your own.

“Желание,”

“No,” Bucky groaned, stepping away from you, his hands flying to the sides of his ears as if that could shield him in some way. Finger nails dragging at his hairline.

“Ржавый,”

“This can’t be happening. This isn’t happening,” he mumbled frantically, his eyes squeezing shut. You stood only inches from him, your own hands hovering over his, terrified to actually touch him.

“Семнадцать,”

You reached out as Bucky started muttering to himself in Romanian, whispering frantically under his breath. Then the rise and fall of his chest started to pick up in pace and he squeezed his eyes shut, breaths coming in more labored. It was only then you finally allowed yourself to put your hands against his, begging him to look at you. His eyes shot open, a surge of panic coursing through them, as if he had forgotten you were right next to him, only a breath away from the monster he knew himself to be.

“What are you still doing here!” he yelled, shoving you aside. He pushed you with such force you stumbled back a few paces. He waved towards the door. “Get out of here, Y/n!”

“I’m not going to leave you, Buck!” You shouted back defiantly. You rushed back towards him, placing your hands on the side of his face, thumbs brushing hastily against his flushed cheeks. “I’m not leaving you alone like this. We’ll- we’ll figure something out.”

“Рассвет,”

Bucky winced, “I’ll hurt you.”

“I won’t let you.”

“Печь,”

Bucky let out a shout and collapsed to the ground. You tried to grab him before he did, but he was too heavy. You dropped down by his side, falling hard on your knees, as his hands started grasping at his sweats, desperately trying to find something to ground him.

“Please… go…” he begged, his voice hoarse.

“Девять,”

Bucky screamed again. This one sent waves of panic through your body. It was like he was in agony, in complete and unbearable pain, like he was strapped to that godforsaken chair in this very moment. You reached out to touch him but he swatted your hand away.

“Доброкачественный,”

“I will kill you, Y/n! Don’t you get that!” Bucky shouted, an aching pain lingering over his voice. “They will make me kill you! Please, I can’t… I can’t…”

“Возвращение на родину,”

You didn’t realize you were crying until you felt a tickling on your neck. It was excruciating, the very idea of leaving Bucky to suffer through this alone, to be dragged so far back under the surface he couldn’t breathe. What choice did you have? You were no match for the winter soldier. He had teased you about it in training, but he’d never once come at you with his full strength.

Pleading eyes looked up at you, tears threatening to cloud through the shades of blue. It was the only thing that could crumble your resolve. Fingers gently brushed against Bucky’s jawline, hands resting on his cheeks as you pulled him close, pressing your lips against his forehead. It was an intimate gesture, one you’ve never dared to do before this moment. He sighed against you, his own hands wrapping around your wrists. Hours could have passed by in that moment and still, it was gone too soon.

“It’ll be alright, you hear me?” you whispered against his skin. He nodded but you could feel the hesitation in his movement. “We’ll bring you back, Buck, I promise. We won’t let them hurt you.”

“Один,”

Fighting against every instinct demanding you stay, you took off running towards the doors of the gym. In the distance you could see Steve sprinting towards you, dressed in baggy sweatpants and his sleep shirt, shield in hand. He was shouting at you but you couldn’t quite hear him. You were only feet away from the exit when the doors slammed shut in front of you. Through the small window you could see Steve skidding to a stop on the other side.

“Грузовой вагон,”

You started pounding against the frame, shouting to Steve to open the goddamn doors. Panic started to creep its way through your veins. You hadn’t noticed Bucky had stilled behind you, not with Steve’s muffled shouts through the door, attempting to break through the barrier with his shield. Natasha was just over his shoulder, her gun aimed at the hinges, though both of you knew it would do little against Tony’s lockdown protocols.

“Доброе утро, солдат.” The voice echoing from the speaker chuckled. Nat’s eyes widened, staring off behind your shoulder. You turned around slowly, knowing exactly what you would find waiting for you and yet the shock of seeing him in such a state still sent a wave of pain through your chest.

“Я готов отвечать,” Bucky replied, his voice void of emotion. You didn’t know Russian, but this you recognized. Ready to comply. The man standing in front of you was no longer Bucky Barnes. He was not the man you had spent countless nights sparring with when the nightmares kept you up or the man who didn’t shy away when you found yourselves sitting hip to hip on the couch during movie nights. He was not the man who followed you to your room one night, sheepishly asking if he could stay with you when even the hours in the gym wasn’t enough to stop the terrors behind his eyes. He wasn’t the man you had found yourself falling for.

“Come home, soldat,” the voice purred through the speakers. “Kill anyone who gets in your way.”

Your eyes widened as Bucky took a step towards you. You hadn’t realized you backed up until your back touched the metal doors. Muffled shouting from the other end of the frame was all you could hear as Bucky stared you down, his eyes somehow duller in color, like the vibrancy behind them had been stolen from him. There were more people at the door now. Beams of light shining in through the window was enough to alert you that Tony had arrived. It wouldn’t be long until he could get the door open. You would just have to occupy Bucky in the meantime.

“Wanna spar?” Your voice was stronger than you imagined it would be. If there was a part of you that believed Bucky could hear you, it was naïve, you knew that; but it didn’t stop you from wanting to believe it. A deep breath filled your lungs. Then you charged.

Bucky was always faster than you, his reflexes smoother, more agile. It came with the serum, you supposed. You propelled yourself from the edge of the ring kicking against the post for momentum as you swung a fist at Bucky. There was no time to worry about whether you’d hurt him. He’d be able to hurt you a thousand times worse.

Bucky grunted as you plunged your elbow into his stomach. His hand snaked around your forearm and yanked it high above your head, using the advantage to punch you hard in the chest. The force of it sent you flying back several feet, your body falling hard against the floor, rolling over twice before you came to a stop.

You groaned at the impact. Your body was already sore before the soldier took his first swing at you from your sparring with Bucky. The burning ache in your chest was enough to outweigh the rest of the pain in your body. It was getting harder to breathe. You suspected you were down a rib. You gritted your teeth, closing your hands back into fists as you stood up.

Running towards Bucky, you let out a scream before you climbed up on his shoulders, using his thighs and hips as jump points. Wrapping your thighs tightly around his neck, you channeled Nat as best you could. Bucky started to flail under you, arms reaching up to drag you down. It didn’t take long before you felt the wall slam hard against your back, your head taking a good part of the hit.

Bucky grabbed you by your elbow and yanked you hard to the ground. Another hit to the side of your head. He waited as you scrambled to your feet, dizziness threatening to take you down before he did as you struggled to see straight. You held up your fists, took a swing, but he ducked it easily. He threw a punch square to your jaw, sending you stumbling back. He stalked forward and sent another to your left eye. Then to your stomach. Another to your side.

You were on the floor, blood dripping from your broken lips as you tried to push yourself back up to your feet through shaky arms only to collapse against the floor. The cool surface, a momentary relief. You glanced up at him, panting, struggling to breathe. He stared down at you, emotionless, expressionless, as his hair fell into his eyes. Slowly, metal fingers reached down and grabbed the collar of your shirt.

“B-Bucky…” you gurgled through the blood pooling in your mouth. He dragged you towards the wall where he held you up against it easily. Your eyes widened as the metal digits moved from the fabric of your shirt to the skin of your neck. “S-Stop…”

He didn’t flinch. Cold eyes stared you down as he started to put pressure to your neck. You gasped, hands flying up to his wrist.

“Bucky, p-please.” You could hardly breathe, let alone speak. Your words were barely intelligible to your own ears but the naïve part of you had hoped there was at least a small part of him that could still break free, that you wouldn’t have to die at Bucky’s hand, staring at the dark, twisted version of man you cared so deeply for. He had done it once before.

But you weren’t Steve.

His fingers curled tighter around your neck and you started to claw at his chest, his face, anything to make it stop. Heavy weights on your lungs. Unimaginable pressure in your head. It was worse than any nightmare you had ever woken from screaming your throat raw. Bucky showed no emotion as he drained the life from you. You tried to focus on the shades of blue as the darkness started to surround your vision, tunneling in until it was all that remained.

***

The soft sounds of a steady high-pitched beep rose you from your sleep. You groaned as you came to, dull aches throughout your body making it nearly impossible to move. You licked your lips in an attempt to moisten the dry, broken skin there, but winced as you did so, flinching back at the open wound. Opening your eyes, you were met with a blinding white room. It was a familiar one; one you had spent many nights in after grueling missions.

An empty chair sat to your left. A part of you, one bigger than you cared to admit, had hoped he’d be waiting for you to wake. You found yourself missing the sweet relief across Bucky’s face when he’d see you open your eyes for the first time after a mission sent you to this room. He’d be holding your hand, letting go nervously when you’d finally notice. He’d be here. He was always here. The empty chair was suddenly painful to look at.

Beyond the glass wall to your room you could vaguely make out several figures huddled in a corner. You narrowed your eyes in an attempt to clear up your vision. Steve’s shield draped along his back came into view, along with Natasha’s short, slim frame. They were both covered in purple bruising, a red gash evident across the top of Nat’s head, blood in Steve’s hair. Tony was throwing his arms about, his whole body moving with each word he said. He was angry.

A burning sensation stung in your throat as you swallowed. There was a remote around here somewhere, one that would call for Dr. Cho or someone, anyone, to come tell you what the hell happened. Your heart started to beat frantically the longer it took to find it.

Too many thoughts rushed through your mind at once. Where was Bucky? What happened after you blacked out? Was he still in the compound? Did he escape? God, did Hydra have him again? Where is the goddamn remote!

Tears prickled at the corners of your eyes and suddenly it was impossible to breathe. The beeping on the machine was going haywire and you brought your hands to your throat. Your fingers pressed against a soft cushioning encasing your neck. You were suffocating. Ripping the brace away from you, tossing it far across the room did nothing to relieve the rapid breaths and pain filling your chest.

The door to your room swung open and suddenly there were three people surrounding your bed. Natasha was on your left, her hand brushing gently through your hair, whispering words you couldn’t quite make out. Steve was on your right, his hand carefully sneaking into yours as he wrapped both hands around it.

“Breathe, Y/n,” he said softly, giving you his trademark kind, reassuring smile. He nodded as you started to following his breathing the best you could. “Good. You’re doing good, Y/n.”

“B-Bucky?” You choked out. Your voice was nearly gone, broken and raspy as it came out, like it had been carved up and thrown through a blender. You swallowed, wincing at the pain. “W-where’s-“

“It’s okay, Y/n,” Steve cut you off to your relief. “He can’t hurt you.”

You shook your head franticly. You didn’t have the energy to breathe properly, let alone speak. You turned towards Nat, eyes pleading with her. She had known you the longest. Nothing got past her in this compound. She must know about you and Bucky, or at least, whatever you and Bucky were, what you thought – hoped – you were. You could barely define it yourself.

Nat studied you for a moment, eyes narrowing as she tilted her head in thought. She turned to Steve. “That’s not what she meant.”

Steve raised an eyebrow.

Nat sighed, her hand not leaving the crown of your hair for even a beat. Her nails ran gently along your hairline, lulling you back to ease. “She’s asking if he’s okay. She wants to know what happened.”

Steve nodded. “Right, ‘course. Buck’s fine,” Steve paused, pressing his lips into a thin line. “Well, as fine as you’d expect.” A nervous sigh. Then, “You gave us a scare there, Y/n/n. We were able to get through the door pretty soon after you blacked out, but it was close. Took us longer than I’d care to admit before we could knock Bucky out. Thankfully, once he came to, he was himself again. He took one look at you and headed straight to the safe room. He hasn’t come out since.”

“Cho gave him the all clear a few hours ago,” Nat added. “Tony’s been working with a team to track down whoever hacked into FRIDAY’s system. He’s already put in new protections to make sure it can’t happen again.”

You narrowed your eyes, confusion evident on your face. Why was Bucky still in the safe room if he was cleared?

Nat nodded, understanding you as she always did. “He almost killed you, Y/n. If there’s even a chance it can happen again, he’s going to keep himself locked in that room indefinitely. Bucky… He cares about you. I don’t think any of us will be able to convince him to leave that room.” She nodded towards Steve and Tony, who you now noticed was standing in the corner of the room with his arms crossed, observing. A scowl present upon his features.

“She’s saying you’re all that’s gonna convince him he’s not a blood thirsty killing machine,” Tony quipped. He pushed himself off the wall and started to pace around the room. Steve sent him a warning glare, which Tony brushed off with a scoff. “Look, we all know I hold no favor for Barnes and I don’t disagree with how he sees himself, but I know for a fact that’s not how you see him. Besides, that safe room is for emergencies, not a makeshift prison. If he wants to lock himself up, I’ll call the secretary and we’ll revoke his pardon.”

“Tony,” Steve warned again. Tony rolled his eyes.

“You get what I’m saying,” Tony said as he leaned against the edge of the bed. “You focus on getting better. Don’t worry about Barnes. He’s not going anywhere. When you’re ready, just know you’re gonna be met with a brick wall of self-hatred and man pain. That is, if you do wanna see him again after what he just did to you.”

“Jesus, Tony, she gets it,” Steve grumbled.

You nodded, knowing you’d be back at square one with Bucky after what happened. He’d be back to his old self; distant, withholding, untrusting. But you were patient. You’d wait for him.

***

Nearly a week later, your voice came back to you. Dr. Cho still kept you held up in the med bay to monitor the bruising on your throat and to check the damage to your windpipes. It hadn’t been as severe as they originally thought. Turns out it was mostly swelling and once it went down, breathing got a whole lot easier.

You stood at the edge of your bed, pulling a SHEILD crewneck over your head as gently as you could. It still hurt to lift your arms above your head, but if you spent one more minute in that damn hospital gown you were going to lose it. You sighed of relief as you bunched the fabric along your waist. A knock at the door caught your attention and you turned to find Steve standing in its frame.

“Heard you were being discharged,” he said. Though he wore a sheepish smile, there was a lingering concern behind his eyes.

“You wanna know if I’m going to see Bucky.” Your voice was still pretty raspy, but it sounded more like you. Almost as if you had just gotten over a bad cold. Almost.

Steve let out a nervous laugh, but he nodded. “Didn’t know if you wanted company.”

You smiled, crossing the room until you stood next to Steve. You placed your hand on his shoulder. “I’ll be okay, Steve. He won’t hurt me.”

“You seem pretty sure of that,” he said softly. It wasn’t accusatory. If anything, it was statement of relief, like he had been worried you would blame Bucky for what happened. That you would walk away and take with you any semblance of a normal life Bucky had started to know.

“I am,” you replied sincerely. “I know that if he was given the choice, if he had any control, he never would have hurt me, or you, or Nat, or any of us. Just gotta try to convince him of that, right?”

“Right.” Steve nodded. The smile he wore was still a little broken behind the eyes. You squeezed his shoulder and headed towards the elevator.

It was darker on the saferoom floor than you expected. Brick walls lined a single hallway, illuminated only by a string of floor lights. For claiming it wasn’t meant to be a prison, Tony sure was stingy on the lighting, you thought as you made your way down the long corridor.

At the end of the hallway was a massive metal door, bolts surrounding the frame and gears locking it into place. A touch pad was encased in the wall next to it. You tapped on the screen. An image of Bucky came into view. He was sitting at the far corner of the room on the floor, knees to his chest, hands wrapped up in his hair. He was so incredibly still.

“FRIDAY?” you called.

“Yes, Agent Y/l/n?” the comforting voice of the AI replied.

“Can he hear me in there?”

A soft beep rung out and a blinking red light appeared at the corner of the screen. You swallowed.

“Bucky?”

Bucky’s head snapped up, his eyes darting towards the door. You watched him on the surveillance camera as he shook his head, closing his eyes and put his head back to his knees.

“Bucky, please. Open the door,” you asked gingerly, your hand setting on the cool metal of the door frame, as if touching it would somehow bring him peace. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“You shouldn’t be here,” he mumbled. It was soft, under his breath, but FRIDAY picked it up for you.

“I talked to Tony. I could have FRIDAY override the system, but I,” you paused, taking in a breath to calm your nerves. “I was hoping you’d let me in.”

You watched the screen as Bucky’s head lifted again. From this angle, it was hard to get a good look as his face, but his shoulders slumped. Slowly he stood to his feet, using the wall to help himself along. He took slow, steady steps towards the door until he froze.

“Why did you come here?” You could hear Bucky’s voice through the door, not needing the AI to amplify it for you. He sounded like he was on the verge of tears. “After what I did…”

“Bucky open the door,” you asked again more urgently, feeling the lump burn in the back of your throat. You needed to see him. Tears were prickling in your eyes as you glanced over at the screen. Bucky’s finger was hovering over the green button, but his hand was shaking. After several agonizing minutes, he finally pressed it.

A loud clicking sound echoed through the hallway until a final latch unlocked and the door popped open just wide enough to let a stream of light through. You wrapped your fingers around the edge and pulled it open.

A gasp caught in your lungs as you laid eyes on Bucky. You weren’t able to see it on the screen but he wore a massive cut along his cheek bone, one he probably endured while Steve and the team tried to take down the soldier. It had barely healed, which meant he was refusing treatment from Dr. Cho. The dark circles under his eyes were enough to tell you he had barely been sleeping.

His eyes were focused beneath your own. You wondered for a moment what he was staring at until you remembered the distinct bruising marks on your neck, ones you should have thought to cover up before coming to see him.

“Oh, God,” he whispered, unable to tear his eyes away. A subtle glassiness started to shine over the blue in his eyes. He clenched his jaw, dropping his head. “You shouldn’t be here, Y/n/n.”

“Stop that,” you said, taking a step towards him, knowing he’d only back away. It got you further into the room instead of standing at the door frame at least. “I’m fine, Buck. I’m healing.”

Bucky shook his head as he sat down at the edge of the bed. He ran his fingers through his hair. A nervous habit of his you had grown to recognize.

“I am. I’ve been waiting to get the clear from Cho to come see what the hell you’ve been doing down here for the past week,” you said lightly as you sat down next to him, hoping to get some kind of reaction. You didn’t expect him to turn back towards you with a glare

“How could you even stand to be in here?” Bucky snapped, his voice laced with venom as he stood up. He started pacing back and forth, tucking one hand into his pocket and clenching the other into a fist to stop the shaking. “How can you even bare to be in the same room as me after what I did to you? Are you that naïve? Is that it? Or are you just stupid?”

“Bucky,” you warned as he started chuckling to himself. It was humorless, his dark expression sending a wave of unease in your stomach. Not because you were afraid of him, but because it sat in such contrast to the man you knew.

“I almost killed you, Y/n! Don’t you get that!” Bucky shouted as he threw his metal fist against the wall. You flinched at the sound as Bucky pulled his hand from the crumbling hole. Small pieces of brick fell onto the ground. “You were within inches of your life and if Stark hadn’t broken down the door when he did, I would have succeeded! And- and you don’t even seem to care!”

“I care a lot, actually. I very much prefer being alive,” you replied sternly, folding your arms over your chest.

“Then what the hell are you doing here!” Bucky exclaimed. “Being around me is a death sentence!”

“You know why I’m here, Barnes,” you said slowly, your voice as steady as you could manage it. Bucky stared at you, waiting for you to back down, for you to turn away, or take it back, but you didn’t budge. He knew exactly what you meant. It was the reason why you had fallen into place so easily together, the reason why it was so easy just being around one another, the reason why he was the first person you sought out when you were met with your demons in your sleep.

The reason why he never once turned you away.

Bucky closed his eyes, his body slowly letting go of the tension he carried. He shook his head, clenching his jaw.

“I’m a monster, Y/n/n. You can’t want that.”

“Good thing you’re not a monster then,” you said gently. You stood, slowly moving across the room until you were right in front of him. His eyes were trained on the floor, his hair falling into his face. You moved your hand forward incredibly slow, enough that he would see it coming and he could back away if he needed to. When he didn’t, you let your fingers brush against his, tapping against them until he opened the palm of his flesh hand to you, allowing you to intertwine your fingers.

“You are a good man, James Barnes,” you said. You used your free hand to brush away the hair from his face, tucking it behind his ear. “You did everything you could to keep me from getting hurt. You begged me to leave when I had the chance. I know the last thing you wanted was to hurt anyone. I know that.”

Bucky nodded, his eyes slowly moving up to meet yours, though he froze on the bruising along your neck. Instinctively his metal hand reached up to touch it, but he pulled back the second he realized what he was doing.

“Buck, it’s okay,” you whispered, giving him a slight nod.

Bucky licked his lips nervously. His hand moved at agonizing pace until he let it sat against your collarbone. He swallowed, his eyes darting up to yours as if he was seeking permission. You smiled encouragingly and nodded. He bit on his lower lip as his fingertips brushed against the bruising; dark purple and blue in the shape of his own hand.

“Does it hurt?”

You shook your head. Bucky let his hand fall back to his side. When he started staring at the floor again, you squeezed his hand, hoping to bring him back.

“Bucky, I-“

“I can’t ever lose you,” he said suddenly. “You know that, don’t you?”

“Of course, Buck,” you replied gently.

He nodded nervously. You could feel him squeezing and releasing your hand repeatedly, like it was a calming mechanism for him. He lifted his head, bringing himself to meet your eyes. You swore every ounce of pain you had in your body left the moment you found vibrant shades of blue staring back at you.

“When I saw what I did to you… I thought that I…” Bucky pressed his lips together, unable to finish the thought. He sighed, trying to pull himself back together. “I don’t have a lot of good in my life. I haven’t in a long time. But then Stevie found me and he convinced me to come with him and join this ridiculous group of people and… and then I met you.”

You felt your heart skip a beat as Bucky gently set his hand against your cheek, the cool metal sitting in contrast to the warmth of your skin.

“You are what’s good in my life, doll,” Bucky said, his voice just above a whisper, like the words had fallen in a gentle exhale, like it was relief just saying the words aloud. “I can’t ever lose you. Not like that. Not by my own hand.”

“I know,” you sighed, your hand reaching up to hold his wrist as his thumb brushed against your cheekbone. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“You made that pretty clear,” Bucky said with a soft chuckle. You had almost forgotten how sweet he sounded as he laughed. “Don’t think I’ll ever stop being surprised at that.”

“You find it so hard to believe I want to be around you?” you asked, a smirk behind your lips.

“I find it hard to believe you want someone as damaged as me, doll.” His voice was soft, teasing, with a half-etched smile but it fell away quickly. He swallowed.

There was something so incredibly comforting about standing this close to Bucky, hands intertwined, the brush of his cool metal fingers against your flushed cheeks. He brought you the kind of relief you had never been able to find at the bottom of a bottle or at the end of your fist. This man, who thought so little of himself, was more to you than you’d ever be able to admit aloud. The way he was touching you, comforting you, in the silence of the saferoom was the most intimate contact you’d allowed for yourself in years. There had been men, but none like Bucky, none that you’d let stand this close and watch you through kind, nervous eyes.

“I’ll always want you, Buck.”

It was the easiest thing you’d ever said.

Bucky exhaled, like he had been holding his breath for days. A sad smile urged to lift the corners of his lips though it didn’t quite make it. It’d take longer than a few stolen moments in the privacy of this saferoom to convince him he deserved what you longed to give him. His hand snaked around to the back of your neck, pulling you closer towards him until his lips sat against your forehead. He didn’t let go, not for a while.

For now, it was enough.

Thank you so much for reading! ❤️ If you enjoyed this fic, please consider supporting me at my ko-fi account ✨

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x you #marvel #marvel imagine #mcu imagine #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes fic #reader insert #my writing #bucky fic

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prettyyoungtragedy · 6 years ago

Text

Written in the Stars (2)

Characters: Bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary: You’re the type of woman who is headstrong and fiercely independent. Heiress to a fortune and one of the most brilliant minds of the 21st century. Until you’re forced into witness protection. Your “Protection” turns out to be 220 pounds of dreamy, sassy, delightful Bucky Barnes. Whatever could go wrong?

Warnings: Swearing, if that's a warning these days.

A/N: Oh man, all the love for chapter one made me scream! I hope you like part 2, here’s Bucky being bossy, an annoyed reader and a little sassy humor for everyone! if ya wanna be kind and throw me a pretty comment and a reblog? I’ll love you forever.

This was generously Beta’d by my beta @suz-123 without whom I will never have any good ideas! thank you buddy!

Tags: Hit me up in my ASK box!

Links are being an asshole so you can find other chapters of this fic in my WIP masterlist in my bio!

“Think you can handle this?” Sam asked as he handed Bucky one of his handguns, watching his friend strap on his bulletproof vest. Bucky didn’t need it but it was better to be safe than sorry in this case, especially when Hydra was involved they probably had ways of bringing the Winter Soldier down.

“Yes, what do I look like? An amateur?” Bucky responded rolling his eyes at Sam’s incredulous question, taking the gun from his hand and holstering it to his hip.

“You know that’s not what I mean.” Sam shoved Bucky’s shoulder slightly.

“I know, I’ll fine. It’ll be fine,” He gives Sam a reassuring smile. The pair were an odd couple but had become the support the other needed in hard times. It was weird sharing this unbreakable bond of friendship because of Steve, but it was a comfort to both of them knowing each had the others back. When they weren’t bickering incessantly with each other Sam and Bucky were a formidable force.

“What time is the meeting set for?” Sam gives Bucky the black box with the comms in them and waited as he placed it in his ear.

“Steve and I are meeting at the new apartment in an hour, I have to escort her there.”

“And she’s fine with moving apartments?”

“What do you think?” Bucky’s tone dripping with sarcasm,

Sam laughed and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, gripping it lightly. “That woman is going to eat you alive buddy,”

“Nah, women love me, it’ll be a walk in the park.”

Sam nods, “Well, good luck out there, man. This might not be President Ellis but she sure as shit is more important to us, right now.”

“Don’t need luck,” Bucky grinned at him as the two of them walked out of the weapons vault, he strutted a few feet in front of Sam before turning around to face him, “I am the fucking Winter Soldier.” He spreads his arms cockily as if he were showing off his grandeur.

This response makes Sam chortle with laughter, and shake his head at Bucky’s arrogance. He wasn’t wrong though, Bucky Barnes was part The Winter Soldier and part Avenger, he was a fucking machine.

~~~

It was barely seven in the morning when you hear the door to the safe house open, the rather shitty safe house that Nick Fury and his squad of morons had forced you to live in the past four days.

The soft creak of the wooden floors as their footfalls hit the hardwood. The alarm bells in your head going off and, immediately, you shot up out of the double bed and to your feet, ready to fight whoever was walking towards the bedroom door, not that you were any kind of fighter but if worst comes to worst, you’d be ready to get scrappy about it.

To say you were a little on edge because of the briefing yesterday wouldn’t be a lie. You were putting on this sarcastic brave face, but in fact, you had spent the entire night tossing and turning too afraid that if you close your eyes you wouldn't wake up the next morning.

So, when the bedroom door was flung open, it was only natural in your tired, sleep deprived state that you let out a scream of terror, only to come face to face with James Buchanan Barnes.

“Well good morning to you, too.” He said amusement in his eyes as he took in your cowering figure which was now in a pathetic defensive stance.

“What the fucking fuck?!” You exclaimed at him, straightening up, trying to pick up the modicum of dignity you had left after that scream.

“I was testing you.” He shrugged.

“What the fuck kind of test was that?!”

“To see how quick your reflexes are in a panicked situation.”

You stared open mouthed at him for a moment, a million insults hurling through your mind which you wanted to shout at him, but, instead, you snap your mouth shut and glower at him. Folding your arms over your chest, you realized you were barely clad in a t-shirt and scanty shorts that had been given to you by some shield task force member, as you hadn’t been allowed to your apartment yet to get any of your clothes.

“Get dressed, we’re moving you to a secure location today.” He ordered completely ignoring the fact that you were giving him a death stare.

“Wait, what, when do I get to go home?” You rebutted, but Bucky doesn’t listen to you. He whirled around and marched out the bedroom shutting the door in your face. Once again, you are left stunned at just how rude this asshole was, you stared at the door open-mouthed and blinked rapidly, never in your life had you ever been ordered around and it was infuriating you.

You took a slow deep breath and clenched your fists at your side,

“Deep breaths,” You muttered to yourself, “You can’t kill him, he’s the reason you’re going to live through this shit show.”

One. Two. Three.

You exhaled deeply and opened your eyes, “You can kill him after.”

This thought seemed to make you gleeful, and suddenly you had an idea. If the Winter Soldier was going to be your bodyguard and make your life hard, you were going pull the exact same shit with him. Then and there you decided to be the most painful version of yourself just to see how far you could push your limits with him before he quit.

Grinning to yourself at your plan you made your way to the bathroom to get dressed.

~~~

Twenty minutes later, you stood in front of your protection detail. The Winter Soldier stands a few feet closer to you than the rest of them, he hands you a little ID with your picture printed on it, a watch that has a small sleek black screen on it and what looked like a phone.

“ID to get you in and out of the tower without hassle,” He pointed to it, “The watch is programmed with a tracking device and is connected to Stark servers as well as FRIDAY the Avengers personal AI, there’s a heart monitor, for proof of life and should your heartbeat drop or become erratic in any way it will alert your protection detail. Anything you need, touch your finger to the screen and it will assist you, like a personal assistant. Should I not be with you, there is a panic button and it will alert us of your danger.”

“Proof of life, like I’m a hostage. How fun.” You retorted. You waited as he slid the watch onto your wrist, and the screen flashed to life.

“Good morning, Sergeant Barnes.” A female voice with an Irish lilt rang through the receiver of the watch startling you, slightly.

“Hi FRIDAY, configure the watch. It is on the subject, lock in the location and secure Astro mode.”

“Astro mode?” You piped up looking at Bucky.

“Highest security level.” He responded not looking at you, his gaze is fixed on the watch as he waited for it to configure.

“Configuration complete.” FRIDAY states and Bucky nodded.

Then he pointed to the sleek black phone like object in your hand, “Stark tech, no incoming call or text can get through without going through the security checks at the Avengers tower. All your contacts have been programmed in there and no one can trace the IP or caller ID on your phone. The only people with this number is myself, Steve Rogers and Director Fury, for safety reasons, of course, no one but me will call you.”

“Wait, why do I have to give up my phone? That is stupid.” You began to protest but the look Bucky gives you shuts you up instantly. Clearly, he isn’t in the mood for your shit, well, at least not yet.

He ignores your little outburst and then almost robotically turned away from you towards the three men that stood behind him, patiently waiting for him to finish giving you instructions.

“These three are handpicked by me for this assignment, each one of them has gone through stringent tests and background searches before being assigned to protect you. Should I not be around, the highest ranking officer will step in and take over protection detail.”

“Why wouldn’t you be around, I thought you were supposed to hover like an annoying shadow?” You interjected, sarcastically.

Bucky gives you a deadpan look and ignores your comment again, “For safety reasons, they will only be known to you by their code names.” He pointed to the blonde on the far right, he looked like he deadlifted buildings, “Agent 27; codename Achilles,”

Then pointed to the brunette with blue eyes and a grim face, “Agent 12; code name Arcas,”

Lastly, he pointed to the tallest of them all, broad-shouldered with a hard face, he looked like he never smiled. “Agent 8; codename Dionysus.”

“What’s with the Greek codenames?” You asked, genuinely curious why all their codenames were that of Greek mythology.

Before Bucky could answer you, however, his phone rang and he quickly answered it. A curt conversation over the line indicated to you that whoever was on the other end was telling him to hurry up because he muttered something along the lines of ‘Have some fucking patience’, before cutting the call.

“Let’s move.” He nodded curtly to the rest of the agents, they immediately dispersed and headed for the exit. You waited a moment before Bucky turned towards you, his expression is stoic and hard, and you sense an immediate shift in his attitude.

It was time to get to work.

“I have three golden rules, three rules for you to follow and we will be fine in every situation.” Bucky’s voice almost steely and robotic as he spoke, “Number one, I move, you move, doesn’t matter when or where, you listen to every instruction I give you, no arguments. You stay behind me at all times, there isn’t a moment when you’re ahead of me, unless, I specifically instruct you to be so. I am your human shield, you got it?”

“Oh good, a human shield. This should be fun.” Your snide answer goes unanswered by him as he continued.

“Number two, I am not here to fuck around, I’m not a pretty boy for you to show off to your high society friends, I am not in the field of playing games and entertaining your bullshit. My number one priority is keeping you alive, and if you act like an idiot, you die and I don’t need that on my resume.”

“You think you’re a pretty boy?” You barked out a laugh

“The prettiest,” He bit back before continuing, again, “Number three. Wherever you are, I am. You do not go anywhere without me. You have to piss? I am standing at the door. You have a check-up at the doctor? I am there. You need to blow your nose? I give you the tissue. Do you understand?”

“I mean this is a little excessive don’t you thi-”

“Do you understand.” He cuts you off in a demanding voice, your defiant eyes meet his and you glared at him.

The instructions seemed simple enough but the fact that he was going to control every aspect of your life was suddenly annoying you. He was right, everything you did he was going to have to be there for it and that didn’t sit well with you.

“I have a life you know, I can’t have you hovering around me when I go on dates and out with friends.”

“Well, in the interest of keeping you alive, you’re going to have to suck it up and deal with me hovering, sweetheart.” Bucky moved closer towards you, his steely eyes piercing into yours and as much as you want to fight his every command at that moment, the sensible side of your brain is telling you to shut up and listen to him, “Besides, you won’t be going on many dates in the coming months, believe me.”

“I mean you can try and stop me from living my life, but good luck with that,” You jeered back at him, folding your arms over your chest in defiance.

A look of shock skittered across his face for a moment before he reigns his emotions in, and that stoic expression settled over his face again. Bucky is about to say something to you but changes his mind and just shakes his head.

“Follow my every instruction when we leave,” He ordered you and you felt your nerves prickle at the demanding tone he used with you, but you remained silent, “I move, you move? Got it.”

“Yes Soldier, I got it. Relax.”

Bucky clenched his jaw at your response but chooses to ignore your sarcasm again, clearly, his resolve was resolute because you would have at least expected some kind of chirp back with all the sass you were giving him.

He turned away from you and began to make his way out of the safehouse with you following closely behind him. It’s a quick trip down the elevator and into the lobby of the building where your usual car was waiting for you. You were a little relieved that not everything had changed, you still had the same driver and the same car.

Small victories. You thought.

For a moment you forgot that you were under supervision and walked a little faster, cutting in front of Bucky in an attempt to get to the car before him. It’s an innocent mistake on your part as you neared the freedom of being in a car and not cooped up in that safe house, but that moment of freedom is suddenly wrenched away as quickly as it arrived.

Bucky hand closes around your arm halting you just seconds before your hand touches the door to the lobby entrance. Whether he intended to or not, the force with which he stopped you from exiting startled you and you gasped in shock.

“What the-” You began to say but he cuts you off.

“Stay behind me, I said I move, you move. How am I supposed to protect you if you’re in front of me?” He snapped at you letting go of your arm.

“God fucking damn it, it’s like two meters to the car!” You exclaimed.

Bucky took a deep breath and steadied his temper. He was about two seconds away from yelling at you in the middle of the lobby, but he knew he couldn't, or Steve would punch the lights out of him for embarrassing the team and being unprofessional, also not with these many witnesses around. He stepped around you and pushed open the door, the cool morning air hitting his skin as it gusted into the lobby.

His eyes scanned the area from the entrance to the car, he takes in every detail he can, the pedestrians walking past, the other guests at the hotel moving around, talking to each other walking in and out, his eyes move like a hawk across the rooftops of the building for any signs of danger then when he was satisfied he stepped aside and gestured for you to start walking again.

You rolled your eyes at him and rather caustically walked out the lobby raising your hands in surrender as you approached the car. A hint of amusement hits him as he watched you walk over to the car and throw him a belligerent look before getting in loudly calling out to him,

“Oh, look, whatever shall I do, I made it to the car by myself.” You rolled your eyes at him so hard, Bucky could have sworn he heard them roll.

He shook his head and followed you, biting back the sudden smile that wanted to appear on his face from that display you had just put on.

Man, you weren’t going to make this easy for him.

~~~

Bucky stood in the massive living room of your penthouse apartment in Manhattan, his eyes moving across the living space with quiet amazement. He had been around technological advances and Stark’s fancy lifestyle long enough to know luxury but this, this place was phenomenal.

The entire space looked like it belongs in a magazine, from the beige tones throughout the room, accented by creams and golds to the marble flooring and pillars that stood at the entrances to it.

There wasn’t a thing out of place, not a speck of dust anywhere. For a home, Bucky found it surprisingly cold, but the problem with it was there was too much open space which was like an invitation for anyone trying to get to you.

There were staff that worked for you, chefs, cleaning staff, a driver, people who picked up your clothes, bought them for you, your personal assistant, too many people and too many eyes for his liking.

He didn’t have time to screen every single person in your life, so he made an executive decision right then. The team would have to move you to a different safe house or keep you at the one you were at. It was just safer that way, and if push came to shove he would have Steve run background on everyone in your life before bringing you back here.

Of course, he knew this wasn’t going to sit well with you and a small part of him felt amused by the fact that you were probably going to throw a shitfit about it.

“Sergeant Barnes?” A voice brings his attention back to the people in front of him and he looked up at the person, it was one of the STRIKE members they’d brought here to fit in a new security system.

“What is it?” He replied,

“We are done setting up the system, would you like us to show her how it works?” The agent asked,

Bucky shook his head and took the tablet from his outstretched hand, “No, I’ll run through that with my team. Thanks.”

The agent gave him a polite nod before he walked away once more. Bucky scrolled through the system they’d installed throughout your apartment, it was one of Stark’s best security systems linked directly to FRIDAY. It was biometric so only the pre-approved list of persons could come and go without him knowing about it, but he still didn’t like this place.

Just then you walked into the living room and looked around for a moment before your eyes met his and you crossed your arms at the sight of him. Bucky smirked,

He annoyed you, good.

“So are they done wreaking havoc around my home?” You asked annoyance thick in your tone,

“Yes they are but don’t get comfortable yet, we’re going back to the safe house.”

“Wait what, why?”

“Because I have decided you won’t be staying here,”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re excused, go pack your shit up.”

Bucky watched as your face turned from shocked to completely enraged, he was full well expecting a tantrum from you and that is exactly what he received. Amusement rippled through him as he watched you defiantly fold your arms over your chest and start yelling obscenities at him.

“Absofuckinglutely not! I refused to stay one more night in that crappy apartment in Brooklyn, I would much rather Hydra kill me then stay one more night in that hell hole.” You exclaimed dramatically, “I was promised protection not uprooting my entire fucking life to go live in Brooklyn for this trial, I will not leave, I refuse. You can go to hell,”

You were breathing heavily from anger when you were finally done yelling at him, all while Bucky just looked at you with a bored expression on his face.

“Are you done?” He asked,

“Not even close,”

“Okay well, then you can continue to yell at me once we’re in the car, let’s go.”

And before you could even say anything further, Bucky gripped your arm firmly but gently and began to haul you towards your bedroom to collect your things.

~~~

It was supposed to be business as usual but it felt like the furthest thing from it. You walked into your lab on Friday morning and were met with the sight of Bucky Barnes leaning against the wall, sunglasses on, one hand in the pocket of his black jeans and the other holding his phone in the other. Dark hair falling into his eyes as he frowned down at his phone.

“Why the fuck are you here?” You sighed walking up to him not bothering to say good morning or any other pleasantries for that matter.

Bucky looked up from his phone, an amused smile on his face, he tucked his dark hair behind his ear on one side and shoved his phone into his pocket.

“Why, good morning sunshine.” He replied smoothly, amusement ripe in his voice.

“Again, why are you here?”

“I feel like you seem to be forgetting my instructions.” Bucky said pulling off his sunglasses and revealing those ridiculously blue eyes, “I said, I move, you move, but somehow this morning I show up to move you and, whaddya know? You’ve already left for the day, care to explain?”

There is clear sarcasm in his tone but also a hint of demand. He’s upset with you but isn’t showing it or trying not to at this point. You didn’t want to be escorted to work, not after the shit show last night when you had to run through the entire layout of your penthouse home with them only to have Bucky tell you that you will no longer be allowed to live there because there were too many entrance points.

Needless to say, you threw a shit fit, and stormed off, but, alas, were followed by the Winter Soldier who wordlessly put you in your car and drove you right back to the safehouse, kicking and screaming.

So this morning, you awoke earlier than usual, got dressed and slipped out of the safehouse, without any of the agents noticing. It actually amazed you how easily you got past them, clearly, they weren’t very good at their jobs.

Your whole life you had the freedom to come and go as you pleased and now that you had to hand over the reins of your life to someone else, it was frustrating you. Your every move was going to be monitored and someone beside you at all times, this wasn't the life you were used to.

“Jesus H. Christ, I just needed to feel normal for two seconds, okay. I can get myself to work safely.” You said irritably rubbing your forehead with your hand.

“No, you can’t.”

“Excuse me?”

“You can’t get yourself to work safely because you don’t know what threats there are out there. I, on the other hand, do and seeing as it’s my job to get you places safely, I would appreciate a modicum of agreement here.”

“So would I.” You retorted stubbornly, “You have me cooped up in that shitty safehouse in Brooklyn, when my gorgeous Manhattan apartment is going to waste, deserted and dying without me in it.”

You watched him sigh and clench his jaw again, becoming frustrated with your defiance. Bucky ran his fingers through his hair and looked down at you, a scowl on his handsome face, now.

“I am really trying to be patient here,” He said exasperatedly, “but you’re not making this easy, can you please just follow my instructions?”

“Fucking fuck, fine. But can I at least move out of that shitty apartment and into my home again? I hate that fucking place.”

Bucky lets out an exhale, the exasperation clear all over his face. “Fine, We will move you to a different location not your place but one better than what you’re at, also I take you to work and get you home every day, end of story.”

You rolled your eyes and brushed past him, walking into your lab. Bucky followed you, you watched as his eyes sweep the entirety of it before they settled back on you.

“I really don’t think you need to be here 24/7,” You sighed, “This whole situation is being made such a big deal of, I can take care of myself, you know.”

“This is not a game.” He replied moving to lean against one of the metal lab tables.

“I didn't say it was but I know what I have gotten myself into and I can handle it!”

“No one is saying you can’t, but, you need to take this seriously-”

“I am taking this seriously! You think I don’t know what’s at stake here?!” You were suddenly shouting at him, “I am uprooting my entire life for this god damn cause, I am going against my family for this cause, I know the seriousness of it all!”

“Then stop acting like a child and listen to me!” He shouts back and you fell silent. You weren't expecting him to yell back at you, and it kind of scared you. Bucky suddenly stood taller and his figure seemed to double in size as if he rose to his full height, and it was dominating.

“Get out, I need to work.” You muttered turning away from him so he wouldn’t see the sudden tears in your eyes. It was frustration and fear building up inside you and he wasn’t helping.

Bucky took a deep breath and reigned his anger in, he shouldn’t have yelled at you, but he doesn’t care right now. All he knows is he needs to keep you safe and if you are a belligerent asshole the entire time, it’s going to end up costing someone their life and he’d rather it was not you.

“I will be outside,” Bucky said in a steely voice before he turned sharply and marched out of your lab once more, leaving you alone with the silence, your thoughts and the panic now rising in your chest.

~~~

The lab felt like a safe little bubble as you lost yourself in your work. Hours ticked by before you noticed the ache in your stomach reminding you it was time to eat something. You glanced up at the clock and realized it was almost one in the afternoon, you also realized that you had left Bucky to wait outside for you not bothering to check up on him.

Why the fuck do you care? You had no idea but you felt a little guilty leaving the giant brick shithouse of a human to wait outside for you.

Grumbling under your breath about how stupid it was that you needed him to hover once again, you pulled off your lab coat and tossed it onto the table before walking out of your lab.

You half expected Bucky to be waiting for you right outside the door but to your surprise, he was not. A small part of you was disappointed that he wasn’t but you shoved that aside and quickly made your way toward the elevator, maybe he was going to let up on this ridiculous notion that he had to accompany you everywhere and you could have a peaceful lunch.

Hitting the elevator button repeatedly, you waited watching the orange light flash from floor to floor as it came up to you.

“Just so you know, repeatedly hitting the button doesn’t make the elevator go any faster.” A voice suddenly said beside you, it was close to your ear.

You whirled around, a strangled scream almost erupting from your throat as you slapped your hand over your mouth to avoid screaming. You were met with Bucky’s amused blue eyes and a smirk on his face.

“Motherfucker!”

“No, that would require me to sleep with someone's mother, of which I have not done so, yet. I think,”

“Don’t fucking sneak up on me!”

“I did not, you don’t have situational awareness.” He shrugged.

“I so do.”

“Oh, really? Tell me one thing you noticed that is out of place on this floor.”

You glared at him for a moment, why was he always challenging you, then your gaze swept across the length of the area. It was the reception area of this floor, bright green plants, glass walls, metal doors and signs leading to every lab. The smell of rubbing alcohol and sterilizing agents mixed in the air, with a hint of cherries from the floor cleaner.

There are a few people about, the security guard, Wallace, who as always there, the receptionist, Jody, who was on the phone, a few people sat in the reception area. Either waiting for someone or something, you notice nothing out of the ordinary.

“There’s nothing out of place…” You say it a little hesitant because you already know he's placed something that sets him on edge.

“Look again,” He orders and you follow his command eyes moving across the room again, “See the security? He’s not wearing his badge, why? That should be a red flag already if you didn’t know him. He could be anyone.”

“I know Wallace, he’s worked here for years.” You retorted.

“Beside the point. Now, look at the receptionist, she's not focused on her surroundings, isn't watching who's coming and going, how will she know who any of her guests are? The guy in the green jacket on the couch,” Bucky gestured towards him and you looked in that direction,”He’s carrying a firearm, but I can see his police badge from here which means he's law enforcement, but why is he here?”

“Cops come here all the time for forensics, when they need help or are short staffed.”

“Right, but have you seen him before?”

You looked at the man and shook your head slowly, “No.”

“And see the lady over by the water cooler, look at her nervousness, she’s not supposed to be here and her body language tells me that, immediately.”

You hadn’t picked up any of the things Bucky had just pointed out to you, and it amazed you just how keen his attention to detail was.

“Last but not least,” Bucky stepped a little closer to you just as the elevator dined on the landing, “You walked out of your lab, looked around the room, and never saw me when I was sitting right here.” He motioned towards one of the chairs near the elevator and you frowned.

How the hell had you not seen him, that was not possible.

“But I-” You began to say and he shakes his head.

“Situational awareness.” Was all he said before he gripped your by the elbow and guided you onto the elevator, “Where to?”

“Lobby, we’re getting lunch.”

A curt nod and he pushed the button, his hand remaining on your arm the entire ride down to the lobby and even as he helped you into the car.

~~~

“There’s a bagel stand right there!” Bucky exclaimed, pushing open the lobby door the two of you walk out onto the steps of the massive office building, the air outside is cool and crisp, a nice change to the spring heat for once.

“Well, I don’t eat cheap bagels from a stand, I eat croissants from Butter.” You snorted shaking your head at him,

“What the fuck is Butter?”

“It’s my lunch restaurant, and you’re taking me there.”

“No, I am not.”

“Yes, you are.”

You crossed your arms defiantly and stood your ground in front of him. He’d already took your home from you and your freedom, he wasn’t going to take your lunch place from you now, too.

“Fucking hell,” Bucky muttered caving to your defiance.

~~~

“So, you got rid of my car.” You noted as the two of you walked into the restaurant you wanted to eat lunch at. Bucky tried to protest bringing you here, but you simply stated that if you didn't get lunch from this place you would have a full-scale meltdown in public and he would have to deal with it. To which he begrudgingly agreed even though he seemed tense the entire way there.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because the replacement is an armored car that can withstand the rounds of AR-15’s.”

You fell silent at that response, you weren’t expecting it or that he was prioritizing your safety at such a high level. As you walked towards the table near the window the usual spot you sat at Bucky stopped you. You frowned up at him and waited as he looked around the room, before steering you in a different direction.

“What are you doing? I want to sit there.” You protested.

“No, you can’t sit here.” He shook his head.

“James I want to sit there, I always sit there, it’s my table.”

“No. Look around, for fucks sake.”

You paused your argument for a moment and looked around with a frown, you clearly didn’t see what he saw.

“I don’t see anything.” You snapped.

“The exits are blocked from that area of the room, they are obstructed by the pillars. The window opens up the vulnerability of a sniper, and the area is raised, hazardous for quick escapes.”

Everything he had just pointed out was something you wouldn’t have even thought of, it made a little more sense why he was assigned to you, the man was like a robot when it came to safety.

“Situational awareness.” You said softly, realizing he was right.

“Situational awareness.” Bucky nodded, a pleased glint in his eyes when he sees you finally understand what he is trying to say.

“Alright, where are we sitting?” You asked.

Bucky gestured to a table nearby and walked you over, his hand on your back as he did so. The waitress comes over and hands you a menu she flashes Bucky a wide smile which he returns. Obviously, she blushes three shades of red and scurried off once more, you rolled your eyes at this. To be fair, he was really pretty.

Bucky took up a stance near the table not joining you, he crossed his arms over his massive chest, that broody look settling over his face once more as his eyes moved across the restaurant. You frowned at him,

“What are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“Sit down, you idiot.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“I don't care, I don’t want to attract attention by having your 220-pound ass hovering around me.”

“It’s for safety.”

“Well, you look really stupid and people are starting to stare, so sit the fuck down.”

Bucky chuckled, an actual chuckle and this amazed you. Had you really gotten the grumpy Winter Soldier to chuckle?

He doesn't say anything, instead, he walked over, kicked back the chair and dropped down into it, beside you. Resting his hulking forearms on the table, he looks at you, pointedly.

“Better?”

“Much.” You replied unable to keep the amused smile off your face.

He shook his head and said nothing. Instead, he watches you with a playful glint in his eyes. He doesn’t know how, or why, but he finds himself having a glimmer of interest in you. Maybe he even liked you a little, it was all that defiance and sass, it just reminded him of small Stevie.

Boy, was he in trouble with this one.

#bucky barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes #Bucky x reader #Bucky Barnes fic #Bucky Barnes imagine #Bodyguard!Bucky #bodyguard!au #Bodyguard fic #Bucky #The Winter soldier #Marvel au #marvel fanfiction #reader x bucky #sassy bucky

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professorspork · 6 years ago

Note

Can you talk a little more about why you found Endgame devastating in a bad way and not a good way?

I sure can! I can talk a lot more, in fact! I’m going to put this under a cut because Ihave a feeling it’s going to get Quite Long (ETA: it is, this is 6k words I amso sorry) so if anyone just wants the tl;dr version, I recommend GaviaBaker-Whitelaw’s excellent article ‘How the straight agenda ruined Avengers:Endgame.’

If you want my own personal take, well. Enter at your ownrisk, here be monsters, etc:

First of all, the very short answer to your question: Itagged this photo as emblematic of all the ways Endgame was “devastating in thebad way and not in the good way” because, if I’m being really honest, Steve and Natbeing queerplatonic life partners (who maybe occasionally fuck but mostly don’t)was my absolute favorite thing about the MCU. (Yes, despite all the words thatfollow hereon about Bucky, I stand by Steve&Nat being my Absolute Favorite,because it was entirely about what was onscreen and nothing about the fanon thatfollowed.) And now it’s Gone and not only is it Gone it was Taken From Me, andI’m salty.

The much longer answer:

What’s maddening is that I honestly loved the vast, vastmajority of Endgame. I adored, like, 92% of it!! It’s just that the remaining8% is the part that’s a) most relevant to character arcs and b) permanent,which leaves me at a bit of an impasse. It’s hard to remember my delight overthe way Natasha laid down haphazardly over old take-out containers whilebrainstorming at her peak adorableness when she’s, y’know, dead. (Which isn’teven my biggest issue!)

I’m going to break it out by character, from most toleast irksome to me so we get the heaviest stuff out of the way and then by theend I’m just shouting on my lawn going “AND ANOTHER THING.” I’m also not goingto go into The Thor Thing, because I think everyone worth talking to is inagreement about that being fatphobic and offensive.

Okay, here we go:

STEVE

I fucking hate that Steve went back in time to marryPeggy. AND I LOVE PEGGY AND I LOVE STEVE/PEGGY SO I’M SO MAD THIS IS WHERE I’VEBEEN LEFT. I have tried to make my peace with it, I have failed, and I amhonestly not used to being this mad at a fictional character. I know it’suseless to hold it against him—something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately isthat argument some fans make about like “why are you slutshaming X characterfor wearing skimpy armor, she just feels most empowered riding into battle withnothing but a strip of leather over her tits” when like, the characterdid not make this choice, the writers made it be that way—but unlike, say,the characterization of Steve in Age of Ultron, which I can happily disregard becauseJoss hates Steve, Markus, McFeely, Russo & Russo have been the architectsof everything I love about Steve. It’s straight from the source! And soI… I’m taking it personally, though I know I shouldn’t. I feel like Steve turnedhis back on me and left me behind.

Well. Me and Bucky Barnes.

It’s probably no secret if you follow this blog that I’ma big Stucky girl. I have admitted it’s one of my top three ships of all time;my steve and bucky tag is 21 damn pages long. But I promise, I PROMISE, thisisn’t even about that. Regardless of whether or not you think these two are orever were in romantic love with each other, their best friendship is one of themost important and indelible parts of the MCU.

Steve’s emotional arc over the last several movies hasrevolved around his intense obsession with all things Bucky. He bailedon his concert tour, defied orders and became Cap-in-combat to save Bucky in1944. He tore down SHIELD, HYDRA and the whole world for Bucky when he foundout he was alive. He became a war criminal on the slightest chance he couldprove Bucky’s innocence! And then, when they were finally reunited, finally foronce on the same page at the same time, Bucky was taken in the Snap. And so,like. It seems a bit WEIRD to me that Steve’s heartbreak over the Snap isframed as a Peggy thing (see: him looking at the Peggy compass before their first act attack on Thanos; his talking exclusively about Peggyin the Snap support group he runs WITH GAY MEN) when Peggy died a natural deathafter a long life in Civil War and not, y’know, Bucky, his oldest, mostintimate relationship-haver, or even Sam, his best friend. It seems a bit ODDto me that we see dozens of cute, short reunions and meetings in the finalbattle with 2014 Thanos—known Extremely Important Relationships Tony/Dr. Strangeand Peter/Carol are given significant on screen exchanges—but we don’t seeSteve and Bucky reunite with one another. It feels a bit CONSPICUOUS to me thatSteve does not tell Bucky what he plans to do when he goes to take the stonesback, full on SUSPICIOUS to me that the two don’t say boo shit to each other—can’teven stand in the same group together when Steve comes back from histime vacation—and outright UNBELIEVABLE to me that Steve Rogers would choose tolive seventy years of his life without Bucky Barnes.

I just don’t buy it.

I don’t buy that after four movies of you telling me itisn’t the case, Steve Rogers’ happy ending doesn’t include Bucky. (Andwe’ll touch on the whole idea of what it means to have a “happy ending” in abit.)

It feels like a deliberate side-step. It feels like thecreative team tried and failed to come up with anything approaching a normal,just-two-bros reunion scene for them and with the weight of their past intimacyeverything they wrote came off as a marriage proposal so they scrapped itentirely. It’s insulting. Not on a “my ship didn’t go canon” level—I never in amillion years expected Steve and Bucky to ‘get together’ in any concrete sense,I wouldn’t even have known what to do with it if I got it, I never wanted that.All I wanted was for the text to honor the affection, the bond between thesetwo just as much as it did in any of the other movies. One of the best featuresof the MCU is its consistency when it comes to character detail andrelationship nuance. So how on earth (I know how, we all know how) did theydrop the ball on what is literally their flagship friendship?

But it’s not just that Steve goes back in time withoutBucky, or without saying a word to him about it. It’s that Steve goes back intime and then, apparently, does absolutely nothing for seventy years, includingsaving Bucky.

The time travel rules in Endgame are… unique. They areunprecedented. And it’s easy to tell that’s true, because not once have thedifferent members of the creative team been able to give a consistent answer onwhy or how it works in interviews after the fact. So like. I accept that mytake on this may not be the “canon” take, and until we get a post-Endgame moviethat addresses these things there IS no canon take. Regardless of what their “thisisn’t Back to the Future” rules means about whether or not changing the pastmeans changing the future, in the future all of these characters lived Buckywas on ice/doing murders until the events of Winter Soldier, also in which theworld learned SHIELD was HYDRA. The Russos think Steve created his own branchreality when he went back in time, and the question is then how he got back toour world to hand off the shield; Markus and McFeely don’t think that’s true;they think Steve lived concurrently to his own regular timeline and was always Peggy’s husband. YOU WOULD THINK THEY’D HAVE REACHED AGREEMENT ON THIS EITHER WAY BEFORE THIS POINT, BUT I DIGRESS. This meansthat either a) M&M are right and Steve went back in time and neither toldhis new wife Peggy “hey honey, you know that startup you’ve got going withHoward, maybe don’t invite Arnim Zola unless you want your entire legacy to beNazis,” nor did he save Bucky when he knew he was somewhere in Eastern Europebeing fucking tortured and brainwashed. He didn’t stop Howard and Maria fromgetting in the car. There’s a lot of joke tweets about how Captain America just“let 9/11 happen” and like—it’s a joke but it’s also NOT A JOKE--- orrrrrr b) theRussos are right and maybe Steve did all of those things in a branch reality,which they felt no need to mention when they were wrapping up the emotionalstoryline for their marquee character, which is lazy at best and kind ofunforgivable at worst. Even in the Best Version of Events, where not only arethe Russos are right and Steve went back in a splinter timeline, but in thatsplinter timeline Steve co-founded a Nazi-less SHIELD with Peggy and theyfought crime Hart to Hart style, saved Bucky, stopped the Vietnam War fromhappening and cured AIDS, it still means Peggy no longer did everything she didon her own, fighting and clawing for it like a honey badger. And should shehave had to? No, of course not. But is it her defining trait and greatestaccomplishment that she did? YES! This matters to me! Erasing it without givingher a say matters to me!

And the fact that all of this is in doubt is BONKERS. Iwould feel less weird about if they didn’t leave all of it unsaid! If they’dincluded a scene with Bucky before Steve went back where Bucky just went “Steve,listen. I know what you’re thinking, and you can’t save me, okay? It wouldbreak the time continuum or something. Now go be a reckless idiot like I knowyou’re gonna and say hi to Carter for me” it would at least feel like theycared the slightest bit. Hell, if they gave Peggy ANY LINES AT ALL it wouldfeel a heck of a lot more like the reuniting of two characters I love and lesslike a mortifying hetcon where Steve erases all of Peggy’s professionalaccomplishments and canon husband and other family just to have hisfairytale happy ending with a voiceless woman-shaped smilebot.

Do you have any idea how much I would have cried if we’dgotten a scene were Steve showed up at the Stork Club in time for his dance?Peggy doesn’t even need to have A LOT of lines (though she should!) A tearysmirk and a “you’re late” reprise would have gone so far! (Especially if they’dhad a final, heart-wrenching goodbye for closure and then he’d returned to thefuture, giving us the best of both worlds, but what do I know.) But no, EdwinJarvis gets a line in this movie and Peggy doesn’t. She has no say in the endof her story—it’s a decision that’s made at her. She’s a bit player inher own life. Steve isn’t reunited with Peggy, he gets a dance with the idea ofPeggy. But like. The real Peggy is brash and terrible at emotional honesty! Shewould be a nightmare to be married to! So is Steve! That’s why I love them,they’re awful! And it just feels like all of that was erased in a moment infavor of a vision of unsustainable hetero bliss.

(Honestly, the way I make peace with this is by thinkingthat after maybe six months with Peggy they were both like “oh godwhat were we thinking, this is never going to work” and broke up, and thereason Steve didn’t tell Sam his wife’s name is that it wasn’t Peggy andhe’s too embarrassed to say so.)

And like. I’m trying not to feel like an awfulbitch/bitter old crone about it, because the thing I keep circling back to inconversation with others is them saying “can’t you at least be happy for himthat he’s at peace? Don’t you think he deserves to rest? After everything he’s done,shouldn’t Steve get a chance to be happy?”

Listen. Do I think Steve deserves a chance athappiness? Yes. Do I think Steve Rogers actually has the capacity forsustainable, long term happiness? … Honestly, no. That’s one of the reasons Ilove him.

Steve is miserable. His life is hard, he’s got PTSD, hehas trouble adjusting even in the best of circumstances. But he’s a fighter.And the reason I admire(d) him so much is that no matter what life threw athim, he was relentless in his forward momentum. He had to go on, he had to keepstanding up for others. He didn’t know how not to. Does this mean he needs ashit ton of therapy? Yes, it does—and the therapy is better in the future, Imight add! But like. As much as the creative team keeps going on about howtheir overall arcs were “Tony needed to learn to be more selfless, like Steve,and Steve needed to learn to be more selfish, like Tony” I think there’s adifference between learning to grasp happiness with both hands in the unlikely,miraculous event it comes your way, because it’s brief and shining and worthcelebrating, even though it comes with heartbreak, and just… noping out of yourlife and ignoring your problems for seven decades while everyone else worriesabout it. I’ve never seen Steve sit still and keep himself out of trouble forseven minutes—now I’m supposed to believe he managed it for seventy years? Hewas Peggy’s weird secret attic husband no one knew about? I respected him,loved him, and identified with him—I felt represented by him—because not onlydid he have to fight for every scrap of happiness he’s ever had, he felt likethere was honor in that fight. That’s why Mjolnir declared him Worthy!! And forhim to then lay down his responsibility and NOT FIGHT for 70 years momentsafter being given that distinction… it stings.

I appreciate my happy endings when they’re hard-won. Thatoften means they’re bittersweet. And if Steve’s ending were framed that way—yes,he got back his Era and he got the girl, but he lost his best friend, his foundfamily, and any determinedly-etched-out balance—I might be more okay with it.But it’s presented as the uncomplicated ride off into the sunset he deserved,and… I don’t want my stories uncomplicated. Steve Rogers is not anuncomplicated man. I know a lot of this is YMMV and I’m maybe a bit more darkin my tastes than others, here—hell, I think it’s cheap that the Elrics got alltheir flesh back AND Mustang got back his sight in FMA:B, that feels like toohappy an ending for me—but telling me that what Steve’s really wanted allthis time was to have a house in the ‘burbs and chill doesn’t resonate. Steve’swhole thing since Day 1 was “how can I sit idly by while other men risk theirlives? I can’t stand that.”

It feels like a How I Met Your Mother ending. If Stevehad had the option to go back at the end of Avengers 1, I’d have bought itcompletely that he’d take it (both for character arc reasons and for “he didn’tknow Bucky was alive then” reasons). But he’s not that guy anymore. Yet itseems like they decided a long, long time ago that Steve was going to go backin time and get a do-over, and years of development, growth, moving on andbonding with other people be damned. Who cares if Steve got Bucky back, whocares if Steve got Sam back, who cares that he’d lived 13 years, his entireadult life, in the future? Nat’s dead, might as well go back to the other damewho liked him!

And. And here’s the thing. If everything else were equalbut Bucky and Peggy’s roles were reversed—if Peggy fell from the train, and itwas Bucky who founded SHIELD with Howard; if Steve met Bucky again as adementia-ridden old man and Peggy were the Winter Soldier, if it were PeggySteve spent all these movies desperately trying to save and nurture—I feel likeeveryone else would find it REALLY WEIRD if Steve went back in time to do itall over again with Bucky! That’s not a question of romance, or gender. Not forme, who loves all of these characters equally. It’s a question of the emotionalarchitecture the story is built upon.

Historically, every decision Steve’s ever made in theentire time we’ve known him has been about Bucky. And for this ending to work,it requires us to either ignore that, or think this single-minded focus wasnever about Bucky at all—that it was instead a sublimated love where Buckybecame a signifier for Peggy or the past Steve lost, instead of a person in hisown right, the person Steve’s always chosen and who’s always chosen him, sincethey were kids. Til the end of the line. Asking me to believe that is a)horrible, and cruel, and frankly homophobic and b) simply untenable—I don’t thinkthat the plots of First Avenger, Winter Soldier or Civil War stand up to thatreading.

And even in the kindest reading of all of this—that Stevedeserves to return to the time he was stolen from, because it’s his TrueTime and Peggy’s his True Love—then my god, doesn’t Bucky deserve that, too?Steve was an orphan with, after Bucky’s “death,” ONLY Peggy and I guess theHowlies to tie him to the world. Bucky has a family! He’s got sisters! Theythink he’s dead! If Steve deserves this, doesn’t Bucky, after everything he’sbeen through, deserve it too? If it applies to one of them, it applies to bothof them, doesn’t it? No matter which way you slice it? (For the record, if Stevehad taken Bucky back to the past with him I'd still be scratching my head aboutthe timeline bearing out—and I think it would make the Sam!Cap offer even morekind of paltry and afterthoughtish than it already is, Sam deserves FIREWORKSand A CROWD damn it, and it also deserves to be a decision not made AT him, seeabove—but at least I could be like “yeah, that's exactly the kind ofhilariously not-thought-out decision Steve would make, have fun kiddo.”)

But I guess Steve inviting Bucky on his Happy Ending Tourof the past would be too much like a fucking proposal so, uh, no, we don’t getthat.

NATASHA

Here is a top ten list, in no particular order, called “I’dbe fine with it, but.”

1. I’d be fine with it—Natasha is a hero, and she deservesa hero’s ending, she merits going out in a big swing to save the world—but she’sstill the Smurfette, man. It means something different to kill your only original female leadthis way than it does to kill a male character. It especially means that whenyou kill her in the exact same way you killed Gamora—THE OTHER SMURFETTE—onemovie previous. It feels cheap, and it feels callous. M&M&R&R havetalked a lot about the woman/women in the office who read a draft where Clintdied instead and said “DON’T YOU TAKE THIS AWAY FROM HER” but a) tbh I feellike maybe they were reading a different draft than was ultimately shot, thismovie evolved a lot over the years and b) when you’re the Token Girl, your storyis more than just yours. In a franchise of this scale, it’s just… it’s notequal yet. If the circumstances had been utterly different, if Nat haddied wielding the Infinity Gauntlet, at least it would be novel. And like—I amnot the kind of person who thinks standing against Bury Your Gays means no gayscan ever die or else, for example; sometimes a Good Death is warranted if it’swell-written enough—but again: it’s the “she feels empowered in that skimpysuit” thing. You didn’t HAVE to create a murder cliff that only exists forfemale characters to die for the men who love them. You made that choice. It’speak “why do we even have that lever?!”

2. I’d be fine with it—Natasha loves Clint, of course shewouldn’t let him die for her, not when he’s fighting to get back his family—butit would have made more sense for Clint to die as penance for all of the ninjamurders he did after losing his kids than for Nat to die because she can’t haveany. It feels like it privileges bio family over found family in a way that’skind of dismissive and gross, and it calls back to the mortifying line in Ageof Ultron were Nat referred to herself as a monster over her infertility. And theargument that Clint couldn’t die, there’s a Hawkeye Disney+ series falls flatwhen Nat has a MOVIE coming out and Vision also has a Disney+ series and yetis, as of this moment, still dead.

3. I’d be fine with it—Natasha loves Clint, of coursethey’d bicker over who would jump—but when the “dramatic” scene that precedes amajor character’s death resembles nothing so much as this comic, you’re doingit wrong. I shouldn’t be giggling over their antics right before someone fallsto their death.

4. I’d be fine with it—Nat did it for her family, whomshe loves—but her family didn’t even honor her back, and that’s bullshit. Tonygets a massive funeral and Nat gets nothing? I admit that what I trulywant for her—a long sequence of RENT-style “what Angel meant to me”testimonials—would have been a bit weird to include pacing-wise, even if I dothink if I asked Chris Evans and Jeremy Renner nicely over twitter they’dprobably improvise one for me anyway. But it didn’t have to be that. A singleshot in a montage would be enough. A shot of Clint, Laura, Fury, Steve, Sam, Okoye and Pepper doing a shot of vodka together and pouring one out for Nat would havebeen enough. Simple, elegant, gets the point across. It’s not hard!!!

5. I’d be fine with it—they needed to get the Soul Stone,for skimpy outfit reasons someone had to die, I get it—but then Steve has toput all the stones back to reverse the heist and stop the branch timelines fromcollapsing like The Ancient One warned about. How the fuck do you return theSoul Stone? And Steve could, wouldn’t that cosmically mean we get Nat back? Asoul for a soul, isn’t that the deal?

6. I’d be fine with it—I understand that playing the longgame and forcing yourself to fall in love with Red Skull so you cansacrifice him, though hilarious, is not actually a solution—but it just seemslike there are other ways to write around this moment. Nat and Clint have bothlost so much, sacrificed so much. That doesn’t count? This isn’t like Thanos,who’s never sacrificed a thing in his life. Nat’s given up so much for thecause; Clint lost his family. The Soul Stone couldn’t just sense that?Or—what if they’d jumped together? Full Rose and Jack, “you jump, I jump,right?” Refusing to be separated. What would the Soul Stone math be then? Ifeel like it would have been a cooler story to find out.

7. I’d be fine with it—ScarJo needed a way out of hercontract, after the Black Widow movie (which: how they’re going to make thatwork is a whole other rant I do not have time for here)—but killing Natasha inthe one irreversible way in a damn comic book franchise just feels soneedlessly final. If you’d said “after everything, after holding the Avengerstogether for five years with nothing but the force of her will and some peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches, she’s tired and disillusioned with it and wants toroam the world for a while without the team, maybe fight some normal crime fora bit” and had her phased out quietly I would have understood! It would havebeen fine! Preferable, even!

8. I’d be fine with it—I don’t think it’s total bullshit whenM&M&R&R say that this was the end of her arc, she’d found herfamily and become a true hero—but the implication that death is the only way toend an arc is lazy and, in this case, hurtful. It comes off as “we couldn’tthink of anything else to do with her, so we killed her.” You can’t do betterthan that? Tony and Steve were gone. Natasha ran the Avengers, andpulled Nick Fury duty on top of it, for five years and death is the onlyend of her arc? Again, I know ScarJo’s contract is up, but that answer is justoffensive. In a perfect world, given the circumstances you’ve described the endof Nat’s arc would be continuing to lead the fucking Avengers.

9. I’d be fine with it—maybe all those office ladies wereright, maybe it would have felt pandering and sexist and deflating if Clint hadstolen Nat’s moment and died for her—but it’s kind of conspicuous that thereare only two female leads in this movie, Natasha and Nebula, and when both trulyexhibit their agency in their climactic moments, they choose to die. And Nebulakilling her past self to save Gamora is one of my favorite moments of the film!But god, there’s more to female agency than suicide, right?

10. I’d be fine with it—the way Steve cries when he findsout is gratifying and in-character—but Tony’s question of “Did she have anyfamily?” is fucking horrifying. You know she doesn’t, Tony, Jesus Christ.It was a sloppy, lazy setup just so Steve could say “Yeah. Us.” Which wasfucking unnecessary because we know that, that’s why she died for you. (Thecomedy reading, which is that Tony was implying she, like Clint, had a secretFarm Family is hilarious but, y’know. Not the right time.)

And speaking of the sir himself…

TONY

This one is a big case of “it’s not what you say, it’show you say it.” I didn’t expect Tony to get out of Endgame alive. (In fact, Ihad braced myself for a total party kill for the original six, which, if it hadbeen a TPK, I would have felt way better about it tbh. If they’d gone down one byone Rogue One style, at least the playing field would be even; that wouldremove a lot of the sting.) Tony’s the bedrock, he’s where we started, and ofcourse this would be the end of his road. He was going to go out big, he wasgoing to save the world. I knew that was the deal.

But they also gave him a little girl.

To my eyes, you can give Tony the ending he deserves—the endingwhere he and Pepper get to settle down, where he gets to be the father he neverhad, the one where he’s finally stable, finally at peace—or you can giveTony the Ending He Deserves—the one where he, the flagship, the starting pistolof the MCU, gets to vanquish Thanos saying “I am Iron Man.” Epic.

You… you lose me when you do both.

Here’s where I get my hackles up:

Were there any other outcomes you considered for Tony?

MARKUS No. Because we had the opportunity to give him theperfect retirement life, within the movie.

McFEELY He got that already.

MARKUS That’s the life he’s been striving for. Are he andPepper going to get together? Yes. They got married, they had a kid, it wasgreat. It’s a good death. It doesn’t feel like a tragedy. It feels like aheroic, finished life.

It is a fucking tragedy! Pepper is left alone with a fiveyear old girl! Pepper does not get a perfect, finished life. It’s a gross,reductive, alienating view of fatherhood, which is all the more starkly (punintended) contrasted when you compare him to Scott, a good dad whoactually gives a shit that he missed out on three years of Cassie’s lifein prison and then ANOTHER FIVE in the Quantum Realm. Honestly, this is whathappens when you don’t let women write these movies—the characterization formen suffers, too, not just women. Because it wasn’t even a factor to them.Like. They literally cut a scene from the movie where a vision of Morgan fromthe future absolved him of guilt for leaving his family behind. That’s… reallyawful, fellas. Surely you can see how awful that is?

I want to feel good about Tony’s death. I want to feelinspired. Part of me does. But god, that little girl. God, Pepper.

But then, it’s pretty much par for the course. Because it’sworth it to talk about

WOMEN

This isn’t about how the one “Girl Power” shot wasshallow fanservice instead of substantive representation, how it makes no sensein the plot of the moment, or how it’s a totally empty gesture unless they planon giving us an A-Force movie (though all of those things are true).

It’s about how this movie has a gender problem in whichthe vast, vast majority of female characters got to be “badass” by bucklingunder the will of their male counterparts—and those who didn’t mostly justweren’t in it enough for that to be true.

Peggy doesn’t get any lines; she is presented not as thestrong, capable individual we know her to be but as a storybook reward forSteve’s good behavior after all these years. She is a prop, not a person.

Pepper is, for the thousandth time, defined as strong andcapable because she’s able to withstand all of the crap Tony puts on her. Ilove Tony/Pepper, I think they’re the beating heart of the MCU, their screwballenergy left a positive and indelible mark on the MCU that redefined how loveinterests work (well, barring Betty Ross, I’m so sorry Betty your movie isawful and you deserved so much better). But like. Tony gives her a company whenhe doesn’t want it anymore, he gives her a suit even though he knows she’s notinterested, he talks her into having a child together and then he leaves herbehind. Pepper is like an amazing, super intense version of one of those cookswho up-cycles leftovers into new, amazing, even-better-than-the-originaldishes. But she shouldn’t have to be, and she deserves better.

The same goes for Valkyrie, who is literally handedthe crown of Asgard for no other reason than because she’s there. It’s notthat she’s not capable, it’s not that she doesn’t deserve it, and it’s not thatshe won’t do an amazing job, but again: it’s a decision made at her. Why isthis still happening? (See also: Sam!Cap, and another way that Sam is stillgetting the Love Interest treatment after all of these years).

Carol was underused, and utilized entirely as a Deus ExMachina instead of as a person with feelings every time she did show up. Whileshe has the raw power to back up that plot usage, aside from her little smirkand “hey, Peter Parker,” we got almost no humanity from her. It’s not like theMCU is bad at establishing loads and loads of nuance in just a few lines—the massivejuggernaut that is Clint/Coulson shipping was launched when they exchanged twosentences to each other!—so it doesn’t feel like a lot to ask that Carol bein the scenes she’s in. You know?

For the most part, I really love how they handled Gamoraand Nebula, but the fact that 2014 them were Super Team Thanos flies directlyin the face of where both of them were at the start of GotG—and for Gamora tochange her mind after learning that in the future, she and Nebula are trulysisters when it’s Nebula who always wanted that for them is… a littlereductive. This was Their Movie—five more minutes to really tease out thenuance here would have really gone a long way.

Plus there was that whole scene where Frigga was like “actuallyit’s fine if I die; I’m just glad you’re okay honey. I feel so empowered inthis skimpy outfit. It has to be this way!” If Nat didn’t die the way she did, this scene would read differently! But she did! So it doesn’t!

Okay. Okay. I’m sure I’ve forgotten things that botheredme, but I have to stop somewhere so it might as well be here. In fact, here’s alist of things I really liked, to remind us all that I did like this movie:

America’s ass! “I could do this all day”/“I know!” ThePB&J cut diagonal! Cooper’s baseball mitt! Tony and Nebula playing PaperFootball! Nebula and Rhodey being best friends / “he’s an idiot!” Clint and Natforehead touch! Nat lounging on the takeout containers! When Hope calls Steve ‘Cap’and Scott gives her a little Look about it! Instant Kill Mode! Bruce and TheAncient One talk metaphysics—and the fact that Bruce is what is astrallyprojected out of Hulk! The redo of the elevator scene being subverted with “HailHydra!” Tony and Howard! Rocket’s much-needed frank pep talk to Thor! Ding dongditching 1970 Hank because he deserves that and so much worse! Tony revisitinghis Age of Ultron mentality at his lowest—frankly, it made me buy it in a wayall of AoU didn’t! Nebula murdering who she used to be so she can becomesomething new (let the past die, kill it if you have to amirite?)! Theindulgent credits sequence with the original 6 and their autographs! Quill’sface when he saw 2014 Gamora! TIME HEIST AS A CONCEPT LBR. Everyone’s funeralfashion choices, some of which are patently Bonkers! Smart Hulk having to riphis shirt off and pretend to enjoy smashing to blend in in 2012! The whole tacosight gag outside the compound! I love you 3000! Scott reuniting with Cassieand saying “you’re so big” instead of “you’re so tall!” Steve being Worthy!Thor doing a self-Fastball Special by hitting Mjolnir with Stormbreaker! YIBAMBE!

I don’t think I have ever cried as hard as I didwhen Sam said “on your left” and all of the Snapped heroes came back in Strange’sportals. Desperate, sobbing, joyful, elated, transported, awe-filled GASPINGkind of crying. I could hardly breathe. I really freaked out the guy next tome, I’ll tell you that.

I’m upset because these movies are good. This movie isgood. It made me feel… I don’t think I can describe the acute, painful ecstasyof that moment as long as I live, when everyone I loved, everyone gone,returned and returned and returned. I’m tearing up just describing it to younow.

I say these things because I care. I say these thingsbecause I don’t want to stop caring, and when characters I love are written inways I cannot understand, that I cannot abide, I am removed from the equation.And I am the damn target audience for this fucking movie. What I think matters.And it matters that I say it.

If you actually made it this far, I am very impressedwith your fortitude, and I thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

#hoo boy #i do not want this in any tracked tags #not that those even work anymore #but here's some filler #and one more #okay #avengers endgame #endgame #mcu #avengers endgame spoilers #endgame spoilers #Anonymous

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proofthatihaveaheart · 5 years ago

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Captain Marvel fic recs

i wrote this ages ago, during the summer, and then forgot to post it - but better late than never! it’s got a mix of gen, carol/jess, and carol/maria fics on it, including both comics and mcu fic. enjoy!

Gen

Galactic Response Time by SassySnowperson (Carol & Fury, 5k): All the OTHER times Nick Fury texted Carol Danvers. // May 4th, 2012 Get your ASS over here there is an INVASION. Aliens are coming out of the SKY HELP US // May 10th, 2012 "Invasion, Fury, the word you used was invasion! I made it across three quarters of the galaxy in six days! Where are the aliens?" [I love this fic and the way it so perfectly captured Carol and Fury’s dynamic. THE DIALOGUE! IT’S JUST SO GOOD! Their banter is fun and there are some genuinely sweet moments.]

whatever it takes (and i couldn’t whisper when you needed it shouted) by pratz (5k): In which Tony called Carol glowing space Jesus, and Carol did her best to understand the weight of 3.2 million lives lost. [An AU of Endgame focusing on Carol and her journey in processing what happened and what she can do about it. I love the characterization and her interactions with the other characters, particularly Tony.]

Carol/Maria

All Around [Reminders of You] by sinandmisery (1k): The first year is the worst. [Maria and Monica’s grief over Carol’s ‘death’, framed around Christmas. Some good and painful angst.]

another place, another time by sorrybaby (1k): In every lifetime but this one, Carol gets to love Maria. [Oof, this one hurts and it’s absolutely brilliant. It’s Carol/Maria and endgame Carol/Val and sometimes you can love someone but not be with them. Because sometimes life is like that and you miss one another. Lots of good pining and learning to let go. Bonus Nat + Carol friendship.]

a simpler place in time by Elisattack (3k): It starts like this: Carol blows up. // Actually, it starts like this: Carol falls down, then she gets right back up again. Her dad shakes his head at her bruised knees and cut face, and calls her unladylike. She says fuck him, and fuck any man that tells her what to do. [Tracks through Carol and Maria’s relationship from the early days to getting together to the events of CM + Endgame and afterwards. Lovely writing and character work. One of my favorite works of this kind]

brave face talk so lightly by lesbiyawn (1k): Carol is stubborn. Carol is hot-headed. Carol can’t help it if some people deserve a just beating. Maria knows this. It’s why she loves Carol calls Carol her best friend. [Pre-canon and pre-relationship fluff that is both sweet and very them]

do you have to let it linger by whyyesitscar (2k): in the wake of carol's crash, maria has to explain everything to a lot of different officials. only one of them seems to get it. (Maria talks to Peggy. Beautiful fic about grief and the people who can understand it.)

jambalaya (please be my baby) by carol_danvers (6k): Loving Maria comes easier than anything else ever did. Carol won't say she wants to be more than friends, not when she has so much to lose, but she'll tell her in everything but name.AKA Carol tests out pet names, Maria gets pregnant, and they fall a bit more in love. [One of my favorite get-together fics, the writing is so good and I love the development of their relationship, the PINING and the obliviousness, it’s gold.]

kisses under my palm by neon_air (1k): Carol Danvers has been kissed before but never by the one person she wanted it from most. [All the different kisses Carol has had, and love. A lovely one-shot.]

Lightning Crash by Monochrome_girl (2k): Carol is here to stay. Maria is still getting used to having her back. [Carol stays and they reconnect. It’s a lovely progression of the two relearning each other and building a life together that also involves collecting alien scraps and it’s sweet.]

Love’s Labors Lost by lesbians_and_puns (3k): After Carol finds a home planet for the Skrull, she returns to Louisiana to try to get her old life back, but when she finds an old photograph of herself and Maria on Maria's bedside table, they both realize how much they're still missing. [An angsty take on Carol’s return and the things people can say because life is stressful and complicated and sometimes you hurt the people you love without meaning to. It’s really good, it also hurts.]

we were too close to the stars by inkwelled (1k): "God, what did they do to you," Maria whispers, wrapping another bandage around Carol's bicep. / For all it's worth, Carol doesn't even wince. [This hurts but in a delicious way. There’s a kind of soft aching quality to the angst, it’s premium, good stuff, you can feel the love.]

Carol/Jessica

Always Falling by sariane (2k): “What do you want?”“I don’t want to be her sloppy seconds. I want all of it, all the corny relationship stuff. I want the dumb date nights, the stupid fights, the awkward breakfast-making elbow bumps. I want to take her up flying – someday. I don’t know,” Carol says suddenly, scuffing her foot on the street, “I want stability.”Carol wants a lot of things. She does not want to be Jessica's rebound girl. [Basically Jess and Clint break up, Carol is a great friend on the comfort front, and then Jess kisses her. And Carol assumes it’s because she’s a rebound. There’s some light angst over that, it’s very well-done. Characterization is very good.]

Fly, Fight, Win by singalellaby (1k): It's not a sign of superhero lesbian bed death, whatever Peter says, it's just that Jess is an Adult. A Mature Adult. In a Mature Adult Partnership with a woman who happens to wear skin-tight suits as her work uniform and it was either become habituated to her girlfriend being the hottest anything with Kree DNA around or living in a state of permanent arousal in her own pretty damn tight costume. And since S.H.I.E.L.D doesn't spring for laundry expenses, that was so not an option. [Jess POV, admiring her really hot partner.]

He Picked the Wrong One by beckydawolf (Carol/Jess, 34k): When Captain Marvel and Spider-Woman are knocked unconscious on a mission, they wake up in a world a lot like their own. In fact, it’s almost identical. Except that the Civil War never happened, Jess doesn’t seem to exist and their Carol is dead. Oh and then there’s Natasha Stark.Turns out, slipping between universes might not even be the most complicated part of this mess. (Fantastic characterization, really love the perfect Carol and Jess banter, nested in this wonderful comic book-y plot that works as perfect background for the development of the characters and the relationships. Also the plot is entirely driven by characters and their relationships and their love - both unhealthy and healthy. It’s great)

In My Dreams by sariane (3k): Carol may not have her memories, but she has her dreams.(But, of course, she dreams of kissing Jessica. As if her life isn't already complicated enough.) [This fic takes this concept and does a phenomenal job with it. You really get Carol’s growing frustration with the dream as she tries to work out what it means by subtly asking everyone other than the person in her dream.]

It’s A Slow Slide Into Misandry by bendingwind (800): Carol's all fixed up and Jessica's moved on, and things have... changed. [Short little fic post-Hawkeye break-up, dealing with feelings. It’s cute.]

once you live a good story by pummelwhack (Carol/Jess, 13k): Carol and Jessica redefine what it means to be happy, in the context of coffee, philosophy, and each other. Or: the one where Carol and Steve own a used bookstore, Sam runs the coffee shop next door, and Jessica searches for more than what life is currently offering her. (Lovely, soft fic about falling in love and finding happiness in each other and your life. Some truly beautiful lines and musings about philosophy.)

Pin the Tail by Alsike (Carol/Jess, 7k): Carol doesn't know who she is. But she knows Jess. She likes Jess. There's probably a good reason why she's not dating Jess, but, you know, amnesia. [Glorious, this fic has pining and angst and trying to deal with amnesia and it just gets Jess and Carol down. And the emotions, they’re just really good as they navigate their relationship and the baggage they bring]

Red by awesomocity (1k): If Carol had been a more self-conscious person she might have worn stale jeans for another day. But years of dealing with brothers and locker rooms and the general knowledge she was both hot AND powerful made standing in a laundromat in her underwear at three in the morning tolerable, if not comfortable.(or, the one where Carol and Jess get romcommed by laundry.) [Love the characterization in this, just a really good fic for cheering you up.]

Smell Like I Sound by Sineala (6k): Carol likes Jess a lot. That's not the weird part. The weird part is that Carol likes Jess a lot more when Jess isn't in the room. [A pheromones fic taking place in the Marvel Adventures verse. It’s really cute and I really like the push-pull of Carol figuring out her feelings and wondering why she keeps having these moments of revulsion around Jess.]

Snow Day by Traincat (1k): Jessica Drew goes missing. Carol and the Hulk team up to get her back (and maybe fight some ice monkeys along the way). [Absolutely delightful fic, I love the dynamic between Carol and the Hulk as well as Jessica and the Hulk, and Carol’s concern for Jess. I could easily see this being a real comic]

Such a Cunning Disguise by WhenasInSilks (2k): Carol is fracturing again.Carol and Jess started dating six months before Stamford. Eight months before Captain America died on the courthouse steps. Ten months before things like the measurement of time ceased to be part of Carol’s personal universe.Now she sits alone in the darkness of her cell and feels herself fall apart.A Secret Invasion AU. [This fic HURTS. It’s beautifully written too which makes the angst all the more delicious. Warning for heartbreak and self-loathing and mental instability]

the small rain down can rain by tigrrmilk (3k): When Jess was jumping between universes, trying not to get killed, she had wondered - was there a version of her and Carol who had... made it work? [Jess dealing with Carol having amnesia and going off to space. Really good character stuff, all the complicated feelings Jess has about what Carol did, and then Carol showing up, you can really see the connection between them, regardless of memory loss or distance.]

Turn Around and Look Back by Sineala (Carol/Jess, 6k): When Carol first lost her memories, to Rogue, Professor Xavier healed her and let Jess experience all of Carol's missing memories. When Carol loses all her memories -- again -- it's up to Jess to give them back to her, in exactly the same way: Jess has to link with Carol telepathically. But Jess' mind contains a lot of feelings about Carol that she doesn't exactly want Carol to know about. [I love this fic, just all the feelings, the pining, the concern, the character voices, it’s all really good.]

Unshackled by beckydawolf (27k): Carol's in space and Jess is alone again. But that's the pattern of her life. The hunt for a missing teenager leads Jess to some new friends, reminds her she still has some old ones and forces her to face a part of her past she'd rather ignore. [A darker take on the pheromones and the trauma + complications of Jessica’s powers. This fic is really good at how it handles it, and I really love how supportive Carol is. Also Anya and Kamala and America and Kate show up and they’re awesome!]

#monthly fic recs #fic recs #captain marvel #carol danvers #this doesn't have any new fics on it because i haven't read any capmarv fics since the summer

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escapingreality1992 · 5 years ago

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The Movie Queen and Her Captain

Luna and Steve Rogers have a Harry Potter marathon and things get steamy.

"How is it possible for you to not even flinch during a horror movie? I mean, seriously? Not one jump scare got you," Natasha asked while we walked into the front entrance of our home; the compound. We had just finished watching A Nightmare on Elm Street at the theater; they had a Halloween special going on where they'd show older movies to get people in the mood for spooky season.

"Call me the queen of horror movies. Or movies in general. But technically I've already seen that one. At least I'm not the one who jumped when he had the longest arms on the planet," I replied.

"First of all, it weirded me out and second it was really disturbing. If I saw someone walking down the street with arms long enough to circle my entire body, I'd run too,"

"Except you wouldn't escape because it's a dream. It's the whole point of the story line. He kills you in your dreams. You wouldn't get very far either. That's his ultimate power, trapping you in dreams. Though I bet you could take him. You are the Black Widow after all," I argued.

"Still, it's going to give me nightmares and not the ones I normally get," She stated. As we neared the lounge, the smell of buttered popcorn hit my nose, both of us sneaking in the lounge to see what the boys were watching while wearing sweats. Peeking around the corner, I recognized the movie as The Exorcist, suppressing a giggle before catching Natasha's gaze. Her lips twisted in a wicked smile, the same idea coming to mind. Crouching low, we slunk to the couches, each picking a specific target; Nat's favorite person to scare was Tony, she always squealed in delight when he shrieked like a girl. I switched my targets each time, today's choice being Sam. I got Steve last week while he had been getting a glass of water in the middle of the night and I decided to go easy on him this week.

As the scene played on - the one in which the main character levitated - you could feel the tension in the air creating the perfect timing for us to launch out attack. Once the priests reached the third part of their chant, we sprung up and shouted 'BOO!', our hands landing on the intended targets. Popcorn and bowls flew into the air, shrieks - not screams - sounded around the room, making Natasha and I cackle with laughter.

"Oh my god! You should see your faces," I stated after Tony asked FRIDAY to turn on the lights.

"Why? Why do you two feel the need to scare people?" he complained, shooting us a glare. We laughed again and at his huff, we attempted to contain ourselves.

"Sorry, sorry. It's fun to do and the expressions on you guys right now are worth it. Don't forget it's spooky season, which is by far the best time to terrify anyone. If anything, it's your fault for putting on a scary movie creating the perfect opportunity to scare y'all anyway," Natasha said. She sat down on the couch beside Bucky, kissing him on the cheek. He blushed, draping an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. I smiled, loving their relationship with each other. They had been dating for six months, their chemistry undeniable. I settled in between Steve and Thor, rubbing their arms to calm them down.

"I take it you had fun at the theater?" Steve asked me.

"Of course. Natasha got scared during some of the movie though," I responded.

"No, I didn't," I raised my eyebrows at Nat as if to say 'sure you didn't'. "Maybe a little. Anyways, are we going to finish this movie or not?" she commented.

"You two aren't going to scare us anymore right?" Sam asked.

"No more scaring. We promise," Nat and I said at the same time; it sounded a bit reminiscent of the twins from The Shining. The horrified looks on the guys' faces made us laugh before apologizing and saying we wouldn't do it again. Tony resumed the movie, most falling asleep before the credits rolled; the only ones still awake were Steve, Loki, Vision, and me. Lights flooded the room when the DVD menu popped up, causing the sleepers to squint their eyes tighter against the brightness.

"I guess it's a good time to call it a night. Let's head to bed. There's nothing much to do tomorrow anyway," Tony stated, yawning and stretching as he stood up. Each Avenger went separate ways to their rooms, some like Wanda and Vision and Bucky and Nat went to the same room together; others to their individual chambers. I had the good fortune to be escorted by Steve to mine as we were adjacent to each other on the same hallway.

"Thank you for walking me to my room," I told him, opening my door and switching on the light.

"No problem. Good night Luna," he told me.

"Night, Steve," I said, turning to go inside and change into my pajamas.

"Hey, uh, Movie Queen?" I heard Steve ask. My lips quirked into a small smile at the nickname.

"Yes? What can I do for you Spangly Man?" Steve chuckled, leaning against the door frame.

"You have all of the Harry Potter films right?"

"All on blu ray too. Why?"

"Would you want to do a marathon with me?"

"Tonight? It's a little late don't you think?" His smile faded at that and he turned to return to his room.

"How about tomorrow? We can start at 7 a.m. All the movies back to back equate to 18 hours and 20 minutes without the credits. It'll be around 1 a.m. when we finish but we still have to account for bathroom breaks and food," I offered, my words freezing him mid-step. He spun around to face me.

"Tomorrow. I'll meet you in the lounge at 7," he agreed, walking backwards to his room, hands in the pockets of his gray sweatpants. I smiled, closing my door to turn in for the night.

My alarm woke me at 6:30, giving me plenty of time to freshen up and change into a tank top and sweatpants before meeting Steve in the lounge with the 8 Harry Potter movie in tow. I found him with a bunch of pillows and blanket in his arms and arched an eyebrow.

"What do you have there?" I asked, curious to know what he was planning.

"Supplies for our marathon. I thought we should be ultra comfortable if we're watching all of these movies. Question. Would it be too bold of me to ask if we could move downstairs to the theater room? I don't want to be interrupted if the others walk through the lounge," he answered me.

"No, not at all. It'll be fun when it's only the two of us and I want you to have the full experience. Head on down. I'll grab a few drinks and snacks," I told him. Steve nodded and walked down the steps while I went into the kitchen. I got a bag of popcorn going while I pulled out water and a few cans of soda, placing them in a separate bowl. Emptying the popcorn into the second bowl I set out and tucking the movies under my arm, I grabbed both bowls and joined Steve in the giant theater room; blankets and pillows gathered on the massive couch. I handed Steve the popcorn bowl, pulling out a water for him and one soda for me; I stored the other drinks in the mini fridge for later. I set up the screen and DVD player, hitting play when the menu came up. Joining Steve on the couch, I shifted under one of the blankets.

"Are you excited?" I whispered, grabbing some popcorn.

"Definitely. It's going to be a fantastic date," His response stunned me and before I could say something, the first scene started up, silencing me.

Date? I didn't think he liked me in that way, I thought. Some part of me always hoped he might; I had developed a huge crush on him over the years but never made a move to ask him out. Believe me, I wanted to but every time I tried, I backed away from the subject too afraid of rejection and then have our friendship ruined. I remained silent through the first two movies and we took our first bathroom break before starting the third. I hesitated in pressing play, wanting to talk about what he said before the first movie.

"Steve?"

"Yes, Luna?"

"Nevermind. Let's get this next one going," I stated, once again chickening out and pressed play. More silence ensued, the occasional glance from me over at him to see if he was enjoying the movies; he definitely was, no surprise there. Our hands accidentally touched during the scene with the dementors before they went back in time to save lives. Halfway through the fourth movie, we decided to order in some Italian food for dinner, resuming the movie after it arrived. Tears were shed from me at Cedric's death, Steve moving closer to console me by rubbing my shoulders. During the fifth, the air conditioning came on and I tried to refrain from shivering despite the blanket draped over my body.

"Are you cold?" he whispered. I shook my head and continued to silently suffer. My body betrayed me half an hour later, shivering more when it became unbearable.

"You're cold. Come here and snuggle with me," Steve whispered, moving the bowl of popcorn he made before starting the Order of the Phoenix. I slid into his side, letting him drape an arm over me. I melted into the warmth, burying myself closer to him.

"You're an icicle. Why didn't you say something earlier?" he asked, keeping his voice low so he didn't miss any important dialogue.

"I didn't want to bother you," I whispered. He hugged me tighter and released me when it was time to switch out the DVDs. We took another bathroom break before getting Half-Blood Prince started, this one wasn't a favorite of mine and I considered it slower paced than the others.

Coming back from the bathroom, I took up my original spot much to Steve's disappointment.

"I'd like to keep cuddling with you please," he told me. I had to admit I liked his arms around me and slid back into him; our bodies meshed together like two puzzle pieces. As the movie progressed, I noticed we were both a little restless, occasionally tracing small patterns on each other's legs.

"Luna?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I...Would it be alright if I kissed you?" Steve asked. I swiveled my head to look up at him, shocked at the question. Say yes. Tell him you want him to kiss you, I thought.

"Yes. You can kiss me. Please, kiss me," I answered. Steve leaned in, his lips brushing lightly over mine. They were soft, a bit salty from the popcorn but also warm like the rest of him. The movie seemed muted while we held the kiss for a few minutes, breaking away. He didn't waste any time after the first kiss to press his mouth back to mine, devouring me, his hands tangling in my hair, pulling me closer. My hands gripped his shirt tightly, the same urgency for him to do anything he pleased to me. Taking my movements as an invitation, he removed his hand from my hair and gripped my hips; he lifted me onto his lap, those callused hands moving to hold me buy shoulders. We kissed more fervently, our tongues tangling with each other. Soon he moved his heated lips to my neck, finding a spot to suck on, a soft moan escaping my lips. He brushed them over my collarbone, his fingers snaking down and under the hem of my tank top. Steve lifted it off my head, tossing it to the floor. He unclasped my bra next, exposing my breasts to the cold air. My nipples perked up, capturing his attention, the pads of his thumbs brushing lightly over them before he lowered his mouth to latch onto one.

I arched into him, the sensation of his tongue swirling around it, arousing me, wetness pooled at my center, my hips moving against him. The friction I caused as I did this made his length harden only making me want more of him. I slipped my hands under his shirt and lifted it up, pausing his actions to get the fabric off his body. Next, I got off him to pull down his sweatpants and also removing mine. I straddled him again, dry humping him, my lips attaching to his neck, my hands in his soft hair.

Steve flipped me so I laid flat against the couch, his lips finding mine, his fingers sliding under the flimsy material of my underwear. He stroked my folds, my hips moving to ride his fingers; a low moan erupted when he inserted two of them inside me.

"Oh, god. Steve..." I whimpered, my hands gripping his back, nails digging in his skin. He grunted against the sharp pain, removing his fingers to rip off my underwear, deciding to the material was in the way. I moved my hands down to push down his boxers, freeing him completely. Taking him in my hands, I stroked his cock, groans of pleasure coming from his lips. He got up to remove them completely and used his knee to spread my legs wider, lining up at my entrance.

"I'm going to ask you this once. Are you positive you want to do this?" he asked, the bright blue of his irises darkening with lust.

"Yes. I want to. I'm sure," I replied, pulling his face down to kiss him. He sheathed himself deep inside me and I moaned into his mouth at the sensation. He pumped in and out slowly, our breath quickening, moans and groans echoing around the room. Something must've caught his attention because he paused, a confused look on his face.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Why is everyone crying and lighting the sky with their wands?" he answered. I turned my head to the movie screen and saw we had missed an important death.

"Oh, Dumbledore died. Snape killed him," I replied.

"Wait, seriously?"

"Yeah, it's really sad," I told him, pulling his face back to kiss him.

"Right. Sorry. I'll continue," he said, his thrust hard and rough, something I had hoped I'd experience one day with him. I climaxed first, reaching another one when he climaxed. He pulled out, allowing me to switch to the next movie. I came back to him, his muscular arms pulling me into his lap. Steve secured me with one arm tight around my waist, the other spreading my legs to work me with his fingers until I reached a third orgasm.

"Steve..."

"Sh. You've seen these before. Let me play a little longer. You screaming my name is the sweetest thing I've heard all day," he told me, teasing my swollen clit with his thumb. My legs quaked each time he pushed me over the edge, throughout the first part of the Deathly Hallows. During the last movie, I had my turn playing with him, teasing him through important parts so he could pay attention. I paused the movie before the big battle and got on my knees in front of him, taking his cock in my mouth. He gasped, head thrown back as my tongue explored every inch, bringing him over the edge and swallowing when he exploded into my mouth. I sat beside him, his arms pulling me close to him.

"This has been a wonderful date, don't you agree?" he whispered, my lips curling into a smile.

"I agree. We should do this more often," I told him.

"Next week sound good?"

"That will be perfect," Once the final movie ended, we got dressed and returned to our rooms.

"Spend the night?" he asked. I nodded, entering his room. We climbed in, snuggled close and fell asleep, drifting off to a beautiful dream world.

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