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ryukyuan-sunflower · 4 years ago

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Romance in Samurai Champloo: The Mirror Reflection of Jin and Shino and Mugen and Fuu

Upon re-watching Episode 11, I was utterly shocked by how many parallels exist between Mugen and Jin as characters, in regards to their relationship with the most important women of their journey. The interactions and concepts are near identical. These specific themes and interactions were only exhibited with two specific women, and no other characters in the series.

In episode 11, Jin falls in love with Shino: a courtesan who was forced into prostitution due to her lousy, abusive husband's gambling debt. Jin later saves Shino from this brothel, and helps her escape to a divorce temple.

Canonically, it was stated in the Samurai Champloo Roman Album by Shino’s character designer that Jin does indeed "fall for" her, so it was not simply chivalry that led him to help her. This echoes his actual dialogue in episode 11:

Fuu: I understand why you pity her but-

Jin: It’s not pity.

It is not pity, because it is love.

So, here is the INSANE number of ways Jin's confirmed romantic dynamic with Shino is an uncanny mirror to Mugen's subtle romantic dynamic with Fuu.

Warning: There is a LOT of comparisons. I was honestly so surprised and have a whole new level of respect for this anime now, and specifically Episode 11.

Enjoy the read!

The First Meeting: Saving the Girl and Reading Her Mind

Both Mugen and Jin save a woman’s life at their first encounter. Both also know the girl is in trouble without ever being told.

Both Fuu and Shino reject the notion that they need help. But it is revealed later that they do.

Jin meets Shino on a bridge and saves her life. She confesses much later, that she had been contemplating suicide, but because he stopped to talk with her, she did not go through with it.

Never did Shino ever show any indication she wanted to drown herself, other than looking at the canal. Jin just knew the moment he walked by.

Mugen meets Fuu in the tea house and saves her life. The magistrate's son was going to have her mutilated and killed. But because Mugen talked with her, she was able to strike a deal of killing them for 100 dumplings.

Never did Fuu tell Mugen that the guys were giving her trouble. Mugen just knew the moment he walked in.

In addition to this first meeting, Jin also stops Shino’s husband from beating her. Mugen also stops Umanousuke from beating Fuu in Episode 25.

Thinking in the Rain: Love Interest Trapped in a Brothel

Previously, in Episodes 3+4, Fuu was thrown into a brothel, just like Shino's predicament in episode 11.

After Mugen skips town and ditches the Yakuza, the thought of Fuu stuck in the brothel invades his mind, and compels him to turn back.

Note: Jin never thinks about Fuu stuck in the brothel.

After being unable to afford Shino, Jin is beaten by bouncers and trudges away, thinking about how Shino is sleeping with another man.

Both of these incidences occur during heavy rain.

Both think about their love interests trapped in the brothel which leads them to return to save them.

The Brothel Escape.

Both Mugen and Jin attempt to break their love interests out of a brothel.

On the second night they spend together, Jin concocts a plan to sneak Shino out of the brothel.

Never one to be discrete, Mugen’s plan to save Fuu involves breaking into the brothel, kicking open the cage doors, and pulling her out. However, to keep the MugenxFuu romance subtle and to have shippers rip their hair out Fuu escapes alone, and she never finds out about Mugen’s wild attempt to get her back. So, we never get the obviously romantic scene of him grabbing her arm and whisking her away. We just know that poor Mugen tried.

There is evident blood on his sword. He killed a person or multiple people to get back to her.

Mugen could have taken and freed any of these lovely ladies. But no.

Note: Jin is seen putting no effort into saving Fuu at all. When Jin initially sneaks into the brothel of Episode 3+4 disguised as a woman, he had no idea Fuu was there at the time. He was just helping the boy Sousuke save Osuzu. Later, even when he sees Fuu there, Jin never is shown putting in any effort to rescue her, nor thinking about it. If we assume he intended to, with his roundabout way of being involved with the Kawara gang, (who he was already helping anyway), Fuu would have already been bought by a client, because she was. (luckily the client did not have sex with her).

If this isn't enough of a mirror, Fuu and Shino escape the brothel in the exact same way: tying a series of clothes to the porch and sliding out the window.

Giving Up One’s Sword For a Woman

Shown in both episodes 6 and 8, Jin is extremely protective of his katana, saying that his swords are the equivalent of his soul as a samurai.

He adamantly refuses to part with them for any reason. He is also shown in episodes 14, 16 and 20 diligently polishing them.

On a different note, Mugen is not shown taking care of his swords as meticulously as Jin, nor as protectively. He is willing to pawn them off if it means being able to eat: shown in episode 6 and episode 8.

But his sword is no less important to Mugen, as he is shown carrying the same sai handled tsurugi in his flashbacks in the Ryukyuan Islands, implying he had carried it for a long time. For Mugen, the sword has nothing to do with some code of bushido, or philosophy. It serves the fundamental purpose of keeping him alive, which is something Mugen constantly struggles with.

In a brothel, swords are not allowed, as it is unsafe for the courtesans if there happened to be a violent client.

In Episode 25, Umanousuke is about to kill Fuu when Mugen arrives.

To spend time with Shino and free her, Jin willingly gives up his swords.

To save Fuu’s life and free her, Mugen gives up his sword in Episode 25.

Note: The only other example we have of Jin “giving up his swords” is comedy when Mugen and Fuu confiscates his swords against his will, so they can enter an eating contest in Episode 6.

Interestingly, the two men gave up their swords under reversed circumstances, yet with the same intentions.

Jin, who has always cherished his katana, ends up giving them up in a moment that he logically "shouldn't". He does what could be considered a frivolous activity of spending time with a prostitute, which completely goes against his personal code as a samurai.

Mugen, who had always been willing to give up his sword for the sake of survival, finally needs to keep his sword, or he will be brutally tortured and killed by Umanousuke. But instead, he gives it up anyway in this extremely critical moment, to save Fuu's life.

In the end, both men resorted to giving up their swords for one simple reason: love.

Red and Pink Color Composition

This one was very surprising for me, and the reason I ended up writing this entire post. The other examples until now are more obvious. But this? Mugen and Fuu's main colors are obviously red and pink. But...Jin and Shino?

Shino’s kimono color is light green, with a dark green collar. Jin’s color is dark blue.

However, when Shino is put in the brothel and takes on the name “Kohana”, she is seen throughout the majority of the episode wearing pink, with a burgundy collar. This is exactly Fuu’s kimono colors, and no other character in the series wears these colors that I can recall.

More interesting, is Shino’s brothel name becomes “Kohana”.

Kohana means “Flower Child”.

Fuu is the child of the “Sunflower Samurai”.

For the first time, I was suddenly faced with a serious question of "Was this name choice and kimono color put as a symbolism of Jin choosing to buy a woman that resembled Fuu?" And in turn, would this be one solid way to disprove so much that I've always thought and written about Jin being the father figure to Fuu?

But, then I noticed something else.

Shino only wears this pink and burgundy kimono in the brothel. It is not her true outfit.

And it is not only her who gets a "change" in appearance. Jin does too, in a sense. He gets an addition to his ensemble, only for this particular episode.

Every time Jin visits Shino in pink, he carries a bright red umbrella. Whenever she is in green, he does not have the umbrella. He visits her on four separate occasions when she’s a courtesan, always with the umbrella in tow.

The red umbrella is visually striking, as the atmosphere of this episode is particularly drab due to the rainfall.

The red umbrella becomes the connection between Jin and Shino during her stay in the brothel. It is significant, because it was initially hers, and was a gift to him since she had no use for it in the brothel anymore.

One can argue, “It’s raining and he just needed an umbrella.” But during his depressing walk, he carries it, but doesn't even use it, and we don’t even get to see it or its striking red color. (Which I will explain my interpretation as to why shortly).

We only know he’s holding it, because he continues to have it afterwards.

It is far more a symbol of his connection to her, than for practical use. Watching the episode, everyone else has drab brown and gray umbrellas. Even in Episode 4, Jin donned a drab brown umbrella.

In Japanese culture, red is famously the color that represents the “main character”. This is extremely common in many anime and video games, and particularly shown in the Super Sentai genre, in which every season since 1975 to present, the main character always dons red.

In the case of Samurai Champloo as well, Mugen is confirmed to be the “main character”, first developed by Shinichiro Watanabe, with Jin created later as his foil so the story did not become “one dimensional”, as he said. This is why most episodes focus on Mugen.

Episode 11 is the very first episode that focuses on Jin. Up until this point, Jin was never a rescuer. (He doesn’t even rescue Fuu until Episode 26).

With Shino, he finally fulfills the "noble hero saving the maiden" role.

More interesting, is the scene where the brothel bouncers attack Jin, who intentionally decides not to fight back. Jin loses his grip on the umbrella. This is my personal interpretation, but I think this could be a representation that Jin could not protect Shino, as she is forced to have sex moments later.

If it were Mugen being attacked, he would kill the men, repercussions or not, just as he did to the Yakuza in Episode 4. Mugen will always embody the “passionate red” that he wears.

But it does not suit Jin. He has chosen the lawful path, unlike Mugen’s chaotic nature of killing whoever stands in his way. Jin does not kill these men, since he has no reasonable cause, and does not risk the repercussions. It is his own fault, not theirs, that he can’t purchase or protect Shino.

In this scene, he not only drops the red umbrella, but Shino also drops her pink robes when she is undressed. They are not red and pink: they are not Mugen and Fuu. They are back to the cruel reality of being a different, more tragic tale of love in which he can’t protect her.

One of the attackers even picks up the umbrella, and throws it at him, as if to add more injury to insult in his failure.

In the ending of the episode, Shino no longer wears pink and burgundy, and is back in her original green kimono. Interestingly, Jin stops using this red umbrella at the exact same point she is back in green.

Since Shino is no longer a “maiden in distress in pink”, Jin no longer needs to be the “hero in red”. They no longer have to play this role. Their episode is at its close. The anime will return to Mugen and Fuu carrying out the dynamic of “hero and maiden”.

Jin will once again, play the role as the cool and collected “rival in blue” that foils the main protagonist.

One could still argue these color choices of red and pink were random and thoughtless. They very well could be. But, this is a Watanabe work, and colors often hold surprising symbolism in the anime he directs.

As a more solid example of color symbolism: here is a link to a fascinating video that reveals just how intentional the color palette is in Samurai Champloo's Episode 14. The choice of Mukuro's yellow versus Mugen's red and the episode ending on Koza in gray was all deliberate and was repeatedly shown in the episode's composition through various means, to subtly convey the story.

Flashing the Coin and “Buying”a Woman

Jin is shown to be the character who makes/finds money for the group the most. Even in this episode, he was working for the eel stand. Mugen meanwhile, makes money and spends it selfishly. But in this episode, it is Mugen making the money and Jin demanding it for a selfish purpose, reversing their roles once again. Jin is the main character now, and Mugen the foil.

Mugen flaunts the coin he made to impress Fuu, demanding her validation by tapping her head.

Jin flaunts the same exact coin (Mugen gave it to him), in a very similar way, to show he’s buying Shino.

Both men, in essence, are "buying time with a woman".

While Jin is, in a literal sense, using the money to purchase a prostitute, Mugen's is more figurative.

Mugen gives the money to Jin, causing him to go away, and leaving him and Fuu alone. Once Jin is back, they will once again be a trio, and the “pairing dynamic�� between them will be shattered. But for that brief night, Mugen got time with Fuu.

Mugen, despite acting like he detests Fuu's company, does some very strange and completely uncharacteristic things in this episode. For one...he is the one to bring Fuu to the beetle wrestling match. Her dialogue implies she didn't want to go and Mugen dragged her along.

Then, despite being all stingy about the money with Fuu, he willingly gives the money to Jin to send him away to go to a brothel. For a man Mugen claims to despise, this is a remarkably thoughtful act. Especially when he said he was going to use the money to buy seeds to make more in beetle wrestling. Strangest of all, Mugen doesn't use the money himself for a prostitute. He chooses to stay at an inn, alone with Fuu, rather than the prospect of going to the brothel in town, even when he’s repeatedly shown being a womanizer.

I think this act shows both his selfish desire to spend time with Fuu alone, but also his selfless care for Jin as a friend. He killed two birds with one stone. In both cases, these are things Mugen would never admit to his companions.

With the exchange of that on koban coin between them, both Mugen and Jin have "bought time" with their respective love interests.

Helping to Save Each Other's Love Interest.

In every episode Fuu gets into trouble, Mugen is the one who saves Fuu, if she isn’t saving herself. Jin does not. But there is one exception to this: Episode 26. Jin saves Fuu for the first time, in the one moment Mugen can't, while also simultaneously avenging his father figure Mariya Enshirou.

In episode 11, Jin does not have his swords on him. But Mugen and Fuu arrive. Mugen cuts down many men to help them escape. And in addition, he knocks down a man right in front of Shino that Jin failed to incapacitate, before telling Jin “You’re pathetic!”

The Windowsill and the Mirror in the Same Room

This one is a very, VERY minor comparison, so don’t take this one seriously. I just thought the imagery was similar.

In Episode 18, where Mugen attempts to win Fuu in a tagging contest (yes, that was actually the plot: Here's a Post About It), Mugen and Fuu spend a small moment in the inn room alone.

In this inn room, Fuu is looking at herself in the mirror, when Mugen appears behind her.

Their faces are wonderful.

In the brothel room, Shino also looks in the mirror, when Jin is shown behind her.

Alone with their love interests, they sit on windowsills.

Again, very, very minor and I highly doubt it was intentional. But there is no other moment of window sill sitting that I can recall.

There is one other gazing into a mirror though: the end credits of Fuu and her mother. This relates her mother to Shino, aside from the fact that they have the same exact hair and wear green kimonos, and who are in love with a poor samurai who ends up wearing gray.

Parting Ways

In the defining moment of Jin and Shino parting, there is a distance of water separating them. But Jin must let her go to the temple to be free of the marriage: her final goal.

In the defining moment of Mugen and Fuu parting, a distance of the Church with Umanousuke is in the way, separating them. But Mugen tells her to go see her Sunflower Samurai: her final goal.

Neither Jin and Shino or Mugen and Fuu are allowed to touch or to embrace before this forced goodbye.

Jin is the one to push the boat away, even when Shino tries to reach out to him.

Mugen is the one who urges Fuu to run, even when Fuu hesitates and wants to stay.

Both Shino and Fuu are reluctant to leave Jin and Mugen behind.

Mugen and Jin remain stoic, even when their emotions must be running wild.

Fuu and Shino’s eyes well up, until they are unable to hold in the tears.

“The Love Triangle” Dilemma: A Lousy Gambler, A Noble Samurai and a Pure Maiden

Now, I am not saying that Mugen, Fuu and Jin is an actual love triangle. I firmly believe it isn't, as I have shown the evidence of the two romances above.

But I believe in Mugen's mind, there is a love triangle, and he’s the odd one out.

Yes, there is a sense that Fuu has insecurity about Jin's abandonment and is jealous of his attention to Shino. Personally though, I think this is in more relation to her father's abandonment, as Jin and Shino strikingly resemble Fuu's father and mother. Jin even gets Fuu’s father’s kimono in Episode 26, and likely his katana too, as his were broken.

But that aside, the relationship dynamics going on in Episode 11 are painfully satirical.

Shino, her husband, and Jin are an ugly representation of Fuu, Mugen, and Jin.

Jin is interfering with both of these "couples".

Shino's husband is an avid gambler, who fell into debt, causing her to be thrown into prostitution. It is no coincidence that Mugen is avidly gambling throughout this episode, and being chastised by Fuu.

Fuu’s words to Mugen are Shino’s words to her husband.

Mugen is being portrayed as the "lesser man", lacking in morals, while Jin takes on the mantle of the “gallant knight”. This again relates to the earlier concept that Jin has for the first time assumed the position as the “main character”.

This is likely why they chose “Gamblers and Gallantry” as the English title for Episode 11. Note that Gamblers is plural. (Also, the original Japanese title is Fallen Angel).

Fuu’s “jealousy” in this episode is used in the narrative to make Mugen believe she loves Jin, and not him. We see this again, in Episode 20. The one and only time Fuu cries for Jin is comical, compared to her over five emotional times for Mugen, still causes Mugen to stomp off with jealousy and annoyance.

Our first indicator of Mugen harboring jealousy of Jin stems from Episode 11 and piles up more as the show goes on.

There is three separate implied occasions in this specific episode 11.

1. Mugen states that Fuu is jealous that Jin is seeing Shino. But when he says this, it is him to roll over away from her. It is almost a blatant indicator that he is sulking. Then, he feigns sleeping and snoring.

We know his sleeping is fake because upon closer inspection....

His eyes are open and his eyebrows are furled angrily. This “faking sleep” is a trick he repeats three times total in the anime, always concerning Jin and Fuu.

2. When Fuu gets upset at Jin about leaving the group for good, Mugen pretends to sleep yet again, but was listening to the whole thing.

His facial expression is almost sad looking here. Very uncharacteristic indeed.

Note: The very last time Mugen pretends to sleep, is Episode 24, when Fuu hugs Jin on the riverbank. It appears here, that Mugen didn't hear or understand what they were talking quietly about. The dialogue is hard to interpret but it seems Fuu rejected Jin’s dutiful offer to stay with her after the journey close. She seems to confide her feelings for Mugen to Jin in this extremely subtle scene, by mentioning him out of the blue, crying, and then apologizing to Jin for it. Rather than embrace Fuu romantically, Jin comforts her with a hand upon her shoulder, in an understanding that is, by my interpretation, very fatherly.

3. Back to Episode 11, when Fuu decides to help Jin, despite being angry at him for abandoning them, Mugen says some telling dialogue. This scene, Mugen and Fuu are running through town together, just as Jin and Shino are.

If Mugen only stuck around solely to kill Jin, then this exchange makes one question why is he still hanging around Fuu. We also know Mugen was listening the whole time when Jin states "If I don’t return, I want you two to continue your journey without me." It is as if he's trying to convince Fuu to be "over" with Jin.

But this isn't the only time Mugen is fine with taking Fuu to find the sunflower samurai alone. Mugen also agrees to travel with Fuu in ep 21 alone, when they think Jin is leaving for good with Sara, and makes no indication of leaving her to do battle with Jin.

Despite all the jealousy of Jin, and all the intentional comparison that Mugen bears with Shino's husband, we know Mugen is not actually like Shino's husband at all.

On the surface, perhaps, he seemed like an irresponsible, lawless lecher who frivolously wastes money. But in actuality, he is honorable and deeply cares about Fuu, saving her and worrying about her in every single episode something bad befalls her.. Mugen does more noble deeds for Fuu than Jin ever does.

While “Gamblers” apply to Mugen and Shino’s husband, the “Gallantry” applies to Mugen and Jin just as much.

That is why, unlike Shino’s husband, Mugen wins in gambling. And that is why, despite making money gambling, he generously gave it all to Jin.

The secretly gallant character of this episode was Mugen. Had he not given/borrowed this money to Jin, Jin would have never been able to save Shino at all.

How the Relationships Differ

While these comparisons highlight that Jin and Shino is equivalent to Mugen and Fuu, there are some directly opposite characteristics as well. Just as Mugen and Jin are opposite.

Jin and Shino are calm and quiet. Mugen and Fuu are passionate and loud.

Jin and Shino wear cold colors of green and blue, while Mugen and Fuu don warm colors of red and pink.

Shino is older than Jin. Fuu is younger than Mugen.

While Shino is forced to give herself to men and Jin can’t save her, Fuu is saved from this fate many times by Mugen.

Mugen and Fuu spend an entire, long journey together. Jin and Shino’s time together is fleeting. Mugen and Fuu appear together every episode. Jin and Shino only get one.

Ironically, Jin and Shino consummate their love in this short time, while Mugen and Fuu do not.

The relationships are remarkably the same story but from opposite ends of a spectrum.

Conclusion

Mugen and Jin may be opposites, but they are also like Yin and Yang. Both characters are a duality of one another, possessing opposite traits in their appearances and attitudes, and yet bearing similar beliefs and morals. In the love department, it turns out that they are also two sides of the very same coin.

After discovering the parallels between these two romances, I was utterly blown away. This concept of duality is the entire point of Mugen and Jin’s dynamic in every other sense.

The love they bore for Fuu and Shino highlighted this concept in another new, astonishing way.

Mugen and Jin both bear something else in common. Even though Jin and Shino is far more an obvious romance due to the sexual consummation of the coupling, Jin and Mugen still relate in one way: they never directly express their love for Shino or Fuu words.

Jin comes off as “old fashioned” with his “I hope that the rain will never stop so I can stay here forever.”, Mugen comes off as “unromantic” by never saying kind and romantic words to Fuu. Their love was wholly expressed through action. Words are unneeded.

Finally, even though Jin and Shino part ways, and even though Mugen and Fuu (and Jin) part in the finale, hope still exists that they will meet again someday.

Both tales of love do not have tragic endings, but neither does either obtain closure. Their hopeful future is left up to you, the viewer, to determine.

Perhaps, their reunions with their loved one, will be a mirror too.

#samurai champloo #fuugen #jin samurai champloo #mugen samurai champloo #fuu samurai champloo

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egg-emperor · 3 years ago

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not sure if you didn't get my ask the first time but what about Sonic X , version of Eggman? its Yuji Naka's vision and he isn't that evil as many of the other characters that appear in the series, I would really love to hear what you think about it as an Eggman fan

Oh I did get your ask, I was just trying to think of the best way to word my answer.

X Eggman has a very special place in my heart for being one of my first pieces of Sonic media, aside from Heroes and Shadow 2005. As you may know, that two games didn't have that much Eggman in them and his character was being mistreated with the way he was being sidelined. But something about Eggman was already appealing to me and I wanted to see more of him, so I watched X before getting any other games. It was one of the first bigger looks I got at Eggman as a result.

X really helped me fall in love with Eggman because I got to see much more of him and how charming, funny, and evil he can be. Literally every time he was on screen he made me smile and laugh, I just found him so entertaining. I still do to this day and I rewatch it annually. But it wasn't the idea they tried to push of him being 'not that evil' or capable of doing good that appealed to me about his character from the very beginning. I loved all the evil and assholic things he did throughout the show.

He still had evil, selfish, and rude moments that made him look like a big dick and I loved it. The idea of him suddenly caring for Sonic and friends later on came out of nowhere and I don't like how it was handled, so I like to imagine it was just another one of his acts to get on their good side, so they could all defeat the Metarex. I know that wasn't really the case and I'm not very happy about it. It was random and out of nowhere and it contradicts things that Eggman did in this very show. It downplays his villainy for no good reason.

I think the "when you actually hurt them, that's going too far" line was one of the most ridiculous things to come out of Eggman's mouth of all people. It makes him so hypocritical, even when it comes to his portrayal in the show because he still hurt plenty, attempted to kill Sonic and friends, tried to blow up Station Square, and did countless other terrible destructive things, and there's no way that multiple of his plans didn't result in collateral damage.

Chris wasn't even the exception either because remember when he jumped onto Eggman's Egg Mobile in an attempt to take the emerald, and when he grabbed Eggman's mustache, he shook him off and sent him plummeting to his doom? Where was the good in his heart when he allowed the twelve year old to fall and almost die and only cared about the fact that he'd just accidentally let the emerald fall with him? It doesn't seem very kind and caring to me, but very in character selfish, as he should be. So yeah, he's one to talk in that scene when he's even put Chris in harm's way himself.

In the Japanese version of that line, he said he doesn't hurt hostages. But what I think would've be more in character would be that he just wouldn't care if hostages get hurt, as long as they're still alive to use as the bait. I said in the little rant that I slipped into my Eggman X supercut season 3 video that the only way I could really see the scene working was if Eggman was just pretending to take the moral high ground just to piss off the Metarex or something. Because otherwise it just really doesn't make sense.

I despise the Metarex for being boring villains with generic designs. They really wanted us to think they were amazing, powerful, and scary but they were try hard and had no interesting motive. Eggman made them look stupid by pointing out how their plan doesn't make sense and results in destroying planets so they won't have anything to rule over and prove their power to. They have a boring motive, unlike Eggman who has an egotistical dream that he'll go to great lengths to accomplish, rather than just being "haha I'm so evil I'm going to destroy everything for no reason"

It feels like just another case of Eggman's villainy being downplayed in an attempt to emphasize how much better of a villain and bigger of a threat others are supposed to be, which I'm never a fan of because it's not true. Eggman isn't innocent compared to them, he just has a better plan that doesn't involve just destroying the world. And when you have to either put Eggman down or make him act OOC so he doesn't seem as evil, then they're clearly not good villains that can prove themselves on their own. Other villains shouldn't take away from Eggman, instead we should be told why we should see these villains as a dangerous threat like Eggman.

I can't take away the idea that 'oh Eggman is actually a kind and caring guy compared to the big scary super evil Metarex' away from the scene. He's a terrible person too, the only reason he frowns upon the Metarex's acts isn't because he has a good heart, it's because they're going to destroy everything he wants to conquer. Eggman has always been selfish and only cared about what he wants and he doesn't care who gets hurt as long as he gets it. This even applied to X Eggman himself earlier on in the show.

If he was truly a good guy, why wasn't he holding back and showing care from the start? When people were getting hurt because of his actions and he was intentionally trying to kill others, why were there so many moments of him clearly enjoying it? And if it was supposed to be seen as some type of character development, they didn't do a very good job at showing it because him actually being concerned for others came out of nowhere. And even so, I just don't think it works for Eggman because if there isn't some secret evil and selfish motive behind his actions, it just makes him a big hypocrite.

But besides that bothering me because it's not the kind of development I think Eggman should have, I love X Eggman for many other reasons in a way that I can rewatch the show without it getting to me much. But I still really wish they would've done some things differently because earlier on it seemed like they had the right idea but had to bring that whole twist out of nowhere which I just don't think suits a deeply selfish, narcissistic, dangerous man that lacks empathy. (Because yes, there were even blatant moments in X that showed Eggman's low empathy was still there. That's how he does the things he does without shame.)

And one thing that stops me from being as bitter about it in the end is that, despite who was involved with X in Japan, it's still clearly very separate from the games. Just like how Boom Eggman, who is also portrayed as being a nicer Eggman, is entirely separate. Game universe Eggman has done a lot more evil, selfish, fucked up catastrophic shit than both X and Boom Eggman combined and clearly has no ounce of remorse. That's why I've never been a fan of people attempting to merge the separate universes/canons together when they just don't work.

There's nothing in the games that implies game Eggman has this same mindset and ability to care about anyone other than himself, unlike X or Boom Eggman. And even though X Eggman was the first time I got to see a version of him really in action, it didn't shape my view of him in the games because I could recognize the differences. I'm happy that it didn't affect his game portrayal because I already think those moments in X were OOC enough for X Eggman when they contradict his actions, so it would've made even less sense for him in the game universe.

The concept of him being not such a bad guy doesn't need to be a part of his character to make him charming, lovable and entertaining to me. He's perfect just the way he is as the prideful, selfish, egotistical bastard that I fell in love with. 💜

#asks #dr eggman #eggman #dr robotnik #dr. eggman #sonic x #analysis #opinion #my post

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sneakerdoodle · 4 years ago

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I was going to release this as a long video essay but devices and software had conspired against me and eventually drained my patience, so here it is in the written form. My magnum opus. My 15 pages long analysis of the three Infinity Train seasons currently out.

1. Introduction

So for starters, I watched Infinity Train way too late, only a few weeks before the release of Book 3. And it immediately gave me MANY many thoughts, head full... Needless to say, when the first 5 episodes of Book 3 were released I was HYPED. So hyped that, being on a vacation out in the countryside, with better connection only availble upon climbing a nearby hill, I made some. sacrifices. To get there after dark, when everyone else was sound asleep.

[id: two screenshots of separate discord messages by someone with a handle “fern”, one reading “ also i decided to not risk bothering people/dogs by opening the gate, so i jumped the swamp instead, except i didn’t actually cover it, my foot got stuck, i barely saved my shoe, and i need to do that again to get back bc i am locked out”, another reading “well” with a photo of a person’s legs covered in black dirst from feet to knees. end id]

And by the rules of friendly bullying, I am now destined to have that night haunt me forever. Naturally.

[id:discord chat search results for the word ”swamp” (38 results found), cropped so that a part of one message is readable, saying “... KNOW it was the SWAMP that embraced ME, not the other way around”, another (by someone with a handle “Fleur” saying “you already DID embrace a swamp”. end id]

[id: a message from the same person saying “he asks ‘how was your swamp’”. end id]

[id: a message from the same person saying “big words coming from mx. soggy feet” with an angry red overlay. end id]

And, well. The first two Books had left me with a sense of assuredness, the underlying motif of them appearing empowering and infinitely comforting, and I was excited to get another supporting pillar in season 3. Another story to turn to in time of need to remind me that I have the power to make my life a better one, that it is never too late to make something of where I am. And, well, it's not that Book 3 didn't continue the topic of personal choice and growth, but the story it told added... let's say, more weight to the idea of personal development.

That is perhaps only natural: narratives need to grow, to develop, to take the themes explored in them further, deeper with every coil of the spiral. And a more, grave, exploration of them will only bring them closer to life. But in the aftermath of Book 3 I had to deal with a certain sense of powerlessness, not being able to fit it into a neat system, put it on a shelf in a shiny frame of witty analysis and call it a day. But, quite ironically, I believe that this exact feeling of unending change and death of comfort is the exact thing the show wants us to get comfortable with. And that's what I want to talk about here. Infinity Train's core narrative of an individual versus the wrold, individual versus change. The very concept of personhood, the relationship between the person and their environment and the way to approach it that is shown as perhaps the most productive.

I’ll start with my Many Thoughts on the first two books to explain what I thought was the underlying message of both of them.

2. Book 1: The Perennial Child and the Unproducitve Protagonist Complex

Book 1 establishes the core elements of the narrative wonderfully, the writing is smooth, effortless, beautiful and takes you on a wonderul, deeply impactful and bittersweet emotional ride. We have Tulip, The Perennial Child herself, who has to renegotiate her relationship with the world, with life, change, and other people's power to bring said change. Tulip is also to learn true connection and make peace with its price.

The narrower narrative of a story centered around a divorce is a perfect gateway into a broader one, so let's explore the specifics of the foremer first. Tulip's mindset is the mindset of a child from a dysfunctional family. The notion of blame is very strong in her perception of the world. On one hand, she sufferes from a misplaced sense of responsibility for the way things are, as she admits in her conversation with One One. That is the most natural for someone who grew up in an unstable environment, with parents whose relationship was not harmonic and healthy. A child caught in the middle of adults' anger and argumments internalizes that anger and those arguments as something having to do with them. And that's what we see Tulip go through, with her having to listen to her parents fight because of her needs.

[id: a screenshot from Infinity Train Book 1 showing younger Tulip, a read-headed girl, sitting between her two parents upset as her father is telling something to her mother angrily. end id]

Tulip also has to step in as a caregiver to a suffering adult, tucking her dad in at night; the dialogue emphasizes that their usual roles are being reversed in that situation. Growing up in the middle of constant conflicts, having to provide care and comfort and stability to someone who was supposed to take care of her, had naturally resulted in a deeply ingrained painful perception that Tulip is the one responsible for her environment, is the one to blame when it is “broken”, and is the one who should step up and fix it, make it right.

Then, on the other hand, there is the notion of blame Tulip puts on others, specifically her parents. Here, we see the same mindset but reversed: Tulip feels caught in the middle of their divorce and demands that they make it right, make it work, for her sake. She needs her family, she needs stability, she needs her parents to work out their schedules, she needs to get to the game design camp. And she is prone to seeing her parents as people who are cruelly destroying her life and her family for no apparent reason.

I am not calling her entitled, of course; ideally, stability is exactly what parents need to provide their children with. That is their mission. And when they fail, it is more than natural for children to feel hurt and betrayed. In a way, they are. Tulip's agony over her parents' divorce is never mocked nor undermined in the show, either; it is shown with the deepest compassion. So this is not so much about calling her feeligns invalid, but about looking for ways to redefine the situation in a way that would help Tulip heal. The way out of her agony seems to be to abandon the mindset that puts her at the center of her family life – and at the center of the world, in general. Things are not that simple; people have reasons for behaving the way that they do outside of how it affects her; and avoiding and rejecting that truth hurts her, first and foremost. Feeling like the center of the universe isn't so much selfish or arrogant or toxic; it's just painful, and Tulip needs to step out of it, for her own sake.

[id: screenshot from Infinity Train Book 1 showing the two adults from before, Tulip’s parents, with exaggerated demonic features, surrounded by flames. end id]

An important thing to discuss is that the notion of “blame” can only exist if there is indeed something wrong with the world. Let's go back to Tulip's defining conversation with One One, in which she gets to say some incredibly important words: “It's not your fault the car is this way.There isn't a fault, it just is.”. “No fault” can mean “no one to blame” as much as “there is actually nothing wrong with the world”. The words “It just is” carry this simple and raw reality check that forces us to accept the way things are, with no emotional withdrawal or avoidance of it.

The world simply is the way it is, and even if the way it is hurts us, it doesn't mean that what hurts us is wrong.

I would like to suggest that the Unfinished Car itself, the residents of which continue adapting to their unconventional reality and genuinely thriving in it through acceptance and flexibility, are here to emphasize that. We may not like the way things are, but that doesn't mean we should go looking for someone to blame and force to “fix” them, be out ourselves and others. We shouldn't ferociously attack what hurts us with wrenches, kicking and screaming and tyring to get it to Work Already. Sometimes the only thing we can do is to accept the reality of it, let go, and see what we ourselves can do to feel happy and content in the present circumstances.

Making peace with the way the world is, renouncing responsibility for it outside of her personal decisions, is exactly what Tulip gets to learn on the train. Being half-abducted by it during a time when Amelia has taken over and no one is there to give a nice welcoming message with specific instructions, Tulip is deeply distraught by the mysteries surrounding her, and infinitely frustrated by her seeming inability to 'logic' her way through the challenges. She boards the train as a girl whose main need is to create a semblance of control over her environment, through understanding it.

[id: two shots of Tulip’s sketchbook where she is tryng to figure out train’s puzzles. end id]

She is at the center of the universe, she is responsible for the way things are, and it is up to her to figure them out.

That is a lone, individualistic journey of a single person who only wants to deal with their own life, their own problems, and Tulip does not welcome any companions at the beginnig of it. It makes sense for her to seek solitude: she feels overwhelmingly responsible for her own little personal world, just how unbearable would it be to let it merge with other people's lives, for her to suddenly be at fault when those she cares about are hurt? Not to mention that new people are new unknowns, new factors that can make her life harder, more confusing and painful. For a person stuck in her desperate desire for control, it makes a lot of sense to prefer to deal with her problems on her own and expect others to do the same.

Meeting One One, who is the first to care, and Atticus, who is there to dispense his pearls of wisdom about the resources we find in each other, the value of friendship and its ultimate worth in the face of responsibility and risk of loss that comes with it, is what helps Tulip find comfort and humility in her relationship with others. She is simply one of the many people influencing each other's lives; she is not at the center, not at fault for the pain that comes to others, even if they were hurt through their association with her; it was their chocie to lend her a hand or a paw, and they had the right to make that choice.

Similar humility of being just one of the many is found in Tulip's relationship with the world at large, too, shown through her relationship with the train. First, she is frustrated and impatient, trying to figure out the most rational logical way to proceed in her attempts to control what happens to her next. Then, as she finds joy and connection, things become easier, she finds a rhythm that works for her, as seen at the start of “The Ball Pit Car”. And then soon after that, in swoops Amelia, ready to wreck havoc and quench Tulip's progress by trying to kill one of her friends and turning the other into a monster, and pinning it all on her.

Losing Atticus is far too big of a blow, and so Tulip gives up her lessons and falls into fatalism, feeling like she has no control over her fate, like she will never be allowed to make it off the train.

But the core component of Tulip's character is her ability to “bounce back”. She loses her progress quite tangibly, with the number going up – and yet reverses that development rapidly, when she gives it all another try and subsequently learns the truth about Amelia. Finding out that the current self-appointed conductor who has been terrorizing cars and threatening Tulip and her friends is just a person, Tulip asks a very important quesiton: “What's stopping me from doing what she did?”. She stops interpreting her surroundings as alien, hostile and created to act against her, in weird incomprehensible ways that seem to be mocking her attempts to find a shred of logic to them. Instead, she takes full control of her own actions and starts using her environment to her own benefits, much like Amelia did. But Tulip takes it a step further and approaches it in a healthier fashion. Where Amelia is desperately trying to make the world do her bidding, Tulip states a simple objecitve: help her friend, - and looks at her options.

Tulip steps into her power when she realizes her choices and actions matter and have full weight. That restores her faith into being able to help Atticus. She cannot control her surroundings fully, she cannot control how other people behave, and trying to make herself responsible for it is unfair to herself and others and hurts everyone. She can, however, make her own choices and use her own skills to strive to perserve what is important to her.

Once again, that mindset is directily opposed to Amelia's. In Book 1, Amelia is stuck in the constant attempts to recreate her life, to change the world around her, to bend her environment to her will instead of growing internally, accepting the change and adapting to it, taking responsibility for her own feelings and not for what surrounds her. The key motivation in the prison she has created for herself is grief. Unwilling to let go of the world she once shared with someone she loved, not wanting to accept the passing of something that was incredibly important to her, Amelia stagnates, rejects the thought of progress, of healing, of moving on. To start to get over such a loss is to create distance between yourself and what you are mourning. When you move on, you leave it futher and furher behind with each step. And so Amelia decides to stay exactly where she is: in the depth of soul-shattering suffering. Symbolically, she never even leaves the pod she was delivered to the train in, stays at the very beginning of her recovery journey, turns her pain into her armor until forcefully broken out of it by Tulip.

The two characters are perfect for each other as counterforces; even more so, the very environment that Amelia has created, the one that frustrates Tulip with all the unanswered questions and mysteries, is the exact one that would motivate this girl to grow. This is something to keep in mind when approaching Infinity Train's narrative: Amelia is a perfect antognist to Tulip, and it is through encountering her that Tulip grows. Amelia's mistakes result in Tulip's progress.

A key moment in the two characters' confrontation is Amelia's offer to give Tulip a car of her own, where her and her family can be pitcture-perfect and happy in the exact way Tulip wants them to be. By that point in the narrative Tulip has already had to face the truth of her family situation, the reality of it, it not being anyone's fault nor her parents' whim, sad things simply just happening for reasons outside of anyone's control. And with Amelia's offer, she has to come painfully close to the truth that she has just started making peace with once again. She has to really internalize the fact that her real parents were not happy together, and wouldn't be happy in this simulated reality; and if they were, they would not truly be the people she knows.

Tulip acknowledges the painful and beautiful truth of life: if you want to be surrounded by real people you can love, people that can love you, you need to give them the freedom to live their lives, freedom to hurt you, to walk away, to change the life you share, to have their own personal feelings that might be different from the ones you wish they had. They need to have freedom to make choices. It is scary, and it hurts, but that is the only way to have something real. While Amelia is obsessed with molding her environment in the image of her perfect life, and failing miserably, Tulip realizes that to reunite with her parents she needs to accept that, as long as they are in her life, things can change between them; and that is okay. That is the only way love can exist. With the risk of loss and pain, not any less worth it for that.

At the end of her journey, Tulip has learned the nature and price of connection, and her place in the complicated, irrational, incomprehensible world. She gets to accept that things don't need a reason for happening, that there is not always someone to blame and demand reparations from. She gets to accept that she is just one person - but that realization gives her so much personal power. As just one person, she is free from the weight of the world she used to carry on her shoulders; as just one person, she has the full scope of her personal skills and power to protect herself and those she loves, to change with the world and adapt to it, once she starts treating it as a friend and engaging with it on its own terms. At the end of her arc, she truly gets to say that she is ready for everything: she learns a whole new way to approach life that makes handling change much less painful.

She is a protagonist that gives up the protagonist complex, telling her she is the central point of the larger narrative. And through that, she finds peace and flexibility.

What is fascinating is that the narrative itself then supports that idea by removing Tulip from the center of the show. In the next book we follow the arc of Lake, my beautiful perfect child. And with it being centered around the idea of Lake's personhood and them transcending the role of a denizen, that decision could not have been any more metatextually perfect.

3. Book 2: Cracked Reflection and the Relationship between Personhood and Connection

In the first season, Lake is a side character that appears for just one episode, contributes to the protagonist's journey and is then gone. But as the story shifts and focuses on them, we see their struggle as they try to break out of the role of a 'supporting character' and prove their completion and worth outside of their contribution to someone else's story. Their intial place in the narrative and their initial position within their own story echo each other beautifully, and this is the exact kind of writing excellency that has me absolutely hooked. Thank you Infinity Train.

Quite interestingly, the idea of personhood is explored in relation to the theme of connection. Lake shares their journey with Jesse, and the two character arcs mirror each other, dealing with the relationship between personal freedom and external bonds.

Lake and Jesse operate under the same false pretense that to connect to people means to be what they want you to be, that in order to have friends you have to sacrifice who you are, what you want. They approach this false predicament from the opposite ends: Lake by avoiding any connection altogether and Jesse by readily caving in to peer pressure, adult pressure, just... general imposion of everyone else's expectations, because he suffers from the compulsive need to be liked and accepted. Lake refuses to fit in and is left to deal with their horrifying situation alone, Jesse hurts himself and those he loves in order to fit in.

It's very interesting how the narrative connects reflectiveness to connection. 'Empathy Goes', the song about friendship that Jesse sings, starts with lines “When I look at you, I see me” – words that take on a quite literal uncomfortable meaning for Lake.

[id: a screenshot from Infinity Train Book 2 of a small girl looking at her reflection in a reflective child (Lake)’s head, Lake unamused. end id]

Then the thematic core of season 2 – Lake's conversation with the dying Sieve, in which the latter torments them – introduces the thought that, by befriending Jesse and helping him grow, Lake became what he needed them to be; became his reflection.

That is, of course, not true. The idea that Lake had simply fulfilled the role of a denizen is disproven by the fact that they are the protagonist of Book 2 that goes through the same journey as Tulip, meeting the exact people and creatures and foes that influence and challenge them in the most important ways. At the end of the day, their victory was not changing their external circumstances but their internal approach to them.

As this awesome person has pointed out, that to get off the train, Lake had to embrace their reflectiveness. However heartbreaking was their enraged plea to have their personhood recognized, they never really did change One One's mind. In his perception, they remained a denizen, “so good at helping”.

The truth is, however, is that yes, Lake has helped Jesse - by being themselves unapologetically, by not fitting in, by showing him that that is an option, and in that life, you can still be loved and cared about – because Jesse without doubt cares about Lake very deeply.

But Jesse has helped Lake, too, has changed them – by giving them connection and recognition, by showing them they can be accepted and loved without the need to change who they are, without the need to tailor themselves to another person and 'mirror' them. At the end, the two get one escape for two people – because their journey was a shared one, because their paths cannot be separated, because they have influenced each other equally.

And much like Amelia was the perfect person to challenge Tulip, One One with his inability to think outside of the algorythm and acknowledge Lake's personhood, was perfect for challenging them and putting them into a situation where they had no other choice but to accept, acknowledge and appreciate the connections they have made, and the fact that those connections define them - partially.

Reflectiveness represents bonds, letting other people into your life, letting them influence you, teach you something, ask something from you – and, fascinatingly, that seems to be a part of what defines us, gives us personhood. Are we just what we do for other people? No, obviously not. Are we simply what separates us from others, what makes us unique, who we are completely on our own, with no regard to what unites us with other people, what they bring into our lives and what we bring into theirs? The answer Infinity Train provides appears to be no, once again.

Lake names themselves – finds a true, real name that they identify with, when they embrace their reflective nature and see themselves in a body of water that, yes, lets the world in, reflects it, while also undoubtedly having a life and depth of its own. Personhood, real, full human experience seems to be the subtle dance of individualism and connection, both what defines us as separate from others and what tethers us to them.

I mentioned how Lake's journey being similar to Tulip's is a part of what validates their personhood. That's one of those fascinating things in Infinity Train's writing: how the intial split of the cast into the passenger and supporting denizen characters appears almost like commentary on the protagonist complex, with Tulip actually having to internalize the idea that the world and her life are not centered solely around her, are not all about her happiness and growth, that some things happen just because they do, not because they have something to do with her.

Then, opening with a lead that needs to outgrow the protagonist complex, the show moves on to that character's narrative foil and shows them grow into the central point of the narrative, fighting to have the world recognize them as the main character of their separate, independent story. And to us viewers there is no doubt that Lake is a person of their own and has full rights to personal protagonism – they are the one we are watching, whose struggle is the focus of the Book, they are who we sympathise with in the story.

This wonderful meta decision really drills in the idea that every single character we only ever catch a glimpse of is the main hero of their own journey, and has a full life and full personhood outside of the role they play in the story we watch unravel. At the same time, as per the rules of narrating, we only see the people and events that serve the current protagonist's growth. Through that, and through being an antalogy that unravels by latching onto a secondary character time after time, book after book, exploring their own journeys and inner worlds, Infinity Train creates a breathtaking polycentric model of reality, in which every single person is the main character on their own path, with people around them contributing something of value to that path – and the main character contributing something to theirs, becoming in turn a secondary supporting character in someone else's story.

Tulip and Atticus are a wonderful example of that: embarking (hehe) on the same journey for different reasons, helping each other, accepting the responsibility that comes with being each other's friends and companions, welcoming the pain that comes with connection and at the end aiding each other in their quests. And Jesse and Lake are much the same.

The idea of companionship being the escape is only directly introduced in Book 2, but it had already sprouted in Book 1. The themes of connection, renegotiating one's relationship with the seemingly hostile world, and coming to terms with everyone's place in it as one of the many, but having endless personal power over our own narrative, are constantly and continuously present in the show, with the differnet smaller plots and character arcs beautifully overlapping.

___________________________________________________________

Analyzing all of this in the past, I felt incredibly secure and confident in the seeming underlying lesson. That there is no reason to fight the world at large, the things that are outside of your or someone else's control. And that doesn't mean “not standing up to those who are hurting others”, as shown in Tulip's confrontation with Amelia, Jesse's confrontation with the Apex. It means that some things, like where you have come from, what the relationships of people around you are, and who you have lost, cannot be changed, and our subconscious attempts to fight them only hurt us in the end.

The idea of our boundless ability to find resources in ourselves and people around us, learn from people that surround us, accept their help and offer them ours, find love once we accept the change love brings; the idea that we always have the ability to thrive in our current circumstances, once we accept that we ourselves are getting in our own way, out of the unwillingness to let go of something we hold dear; the idea that we can always, always bounce back, that it is never too late for any of us, and that true companionship will always be there to give us escape...

The idea of the world as our friend, with its own will and wishes, something that is not to be controlled and bruteforce- reasoned through, but something to engage with...

These all gave me strength, held me up, and gave me a new paradigm that allowed me to look at the reality from a place of comfort and assuredness. The paradigm of the complicated web of life where everything is in its place, where our shortcomings create valuable lessons for someone else, where our choices, even if they hurt us and others, create lessons, as established by Sieve, have their place in the big picture, like what we see with Amelia's mitakes and Tulip's progress.

Then, the idea that in that big picture, you are exactly where you need to be, always, because you always have the only thing you need to grow and recover and thrive – you have yourself and the people around you. How infinitely comforting this is, how solid.

And then Book 3 has arrived. And holy shit y’all.

4. Book 3: Cult of the Conductor and Trust vs Control

And once again, this season has not necessarily disproven all of the aforementioned stuff, just... put a lot more emphasis on the reality of pain people have to endure. In this book we had to witness simultaneously a recovery – within Grace's arc, - a descend – within Simon's, - and an actual, raw trauma, that Hazel had to suffer through on screen. We had to watch Simon murder Hazel's caregiver and repeatedly make her feel unsafe, and Grace withdraw herself and leave Hazel alone because of her ungoing identity crisis. We have to come uncomfortably close to the reality of the pain that shapes people, and with how horribly we all can hurt each other. That pain is no longer obscured by the passage of time, it's not something in the character's past. And that is... very rattling.

But, once again, the constant running themes and motifs remain. Once again, the show tackles the idea of change, of connection and the relationship between the individual and the world.

Regarding the latter, what we see with the Apex is the protagonist complex projected on a group. The Apex myth simultaneously places them at the top of the world – hence the name – and makes them the poor victims of the evil False Conductor that of course seeks to destroy them and targets them specifically. Grace and Simon developed the idea of themselves and their group as the sole people for whom the train exists, as well as the chosen deliberate targets of the entity that had taken over their environment, instead of accepting that maybe the world does not revolve around them!

Upon meeting Amelia they learn that they are not chosen, that they are not on the train because the outside world did not recognize their value, that there was never someone at the top who had their best needs in mind, and that the entity that calls the shots now does not actually know anything about them besides the fact that they exist.

The theme of connection makes a comeback hand in hand with the motif of empathy, with the book opening with Jesse's song 'Empathy Goes'. And that's what's being explored in Grace's and Simon's respective arcs with relation to denizens: their ability to show compassion and recognize someone else's personhood.

The narrative is multi-layered here. On one hand, what is being explored is a group mentality, a cult mentality that paints the outside world as simultaneously inferior and hostile, and we can see Grace and Simon accidentally inventing some pretty mean propaganda techniques. Whew, those kids. But then on the other, the idea of denizens as projections, 'nulls', incapable of actual feeling, only pretending to be real people... this brings to mind such complicated and staggering concepts as philosophical zombies or the idea of the world as something that is simply a projection of your, you currently reading thinking person, brain, where nothing is real except for your own consciousness. And since it is simply impossible to possess others and make sure they are indeed living breathing feeling creatures and not just NPCs in one wild, wild dream, empathy becomes a fascinating choice. What we're left with is 1) believing that other people do in fact feel what they say they do, 2) treating them with respect just in case or because being mean feels bad, or, 3) you know, deciding that we're on top of the world, and are the Apex predator, and everything exists for us, and we can do whatever we want with people around us.

It's interesting to see this mindset as a group mentality, but it makes sense, too; with the Apex we get to watch what happens when a group only recognizes the personhood of those that are a part of it. The thing is, there is no actual empathy within that group, either; we see that once Grace stops fitting into it as smoothly. To the Apex, she becomes a 'void', a nothing, something hollow, devoid of status and power and therefore rights and feelings that need to be respected. Simon's approach is “whatever I do not like is not real”, so by proxy, the new version of Grace is nothing, and should be erased.

This lack of empathy can be tracked deeper and deeper down to Simon as the extremely tyrannical leader, his refusal to recognize the personhood of anyone who does not agree with him. It is natural for us all to act as if what we believe is correct; otherwise, why would we believe it? But Simon takes it to the extremes, refusing to even for a second consider an alternative point of view, and ends up locked in a mindset in which he is the only person entitled to the ability to see the truth, and everyone else somehow is inferior and incomplete. That's the protagonist complex, that's the experience of a person who considers themselves at the center of the world. Why would he out of all people be the keeper of truth? He simply does not ask himself that, because he does not stop to think about the existence of others, or their experiences.

However, it wouldn't be correct to say that Simon is completely devoid of empathy. It's just that his version of it is extremely self-centered and unable to discern between his personal situation and someone else's reality. As my awesome friend @buttercup-bug has pointed out, the relationship between Grace and Hazel and Simon and Hazel is built on extending that limited, conditional empathy. As they have noted, the golden and silver masks at the start of the season that are performing the song 'Empathy Goes' represent the two of them, the golden one directly intersecting with the one Grace wears, and in general gold and silver matching their color schemes.

The position of the masks matches their position on the stage, as well: they are the two leading figures in the big messed-up play that is the Apex, removed from reality, avoiding it, living in their own little world. They perform that reality in different ways, Grace leading with smiles and emotions/emotional manipulation, Simon being more uptight and serious.

[id: two shots from Infinity Train Book 3, showinng first a scene with halves of two theatrical masks, a sorrowful and a laughing one, surrounded by undefined actor creatures; then Simon and Grace, two young people, Simon white and blonde, Grace black, with shortr dredlocs, wearing a golden masks, holding hands with each other and two other kids in a curtain call manner, with fire raging behind them. end id]

Now, returning to the empathy motif: as it was pointed out to me, the two extend their empathy to Hazel in their own ways, representing their relationship with the inner child. Grace relates to Hazel as a lonely young girl seeking connection with other children, and engages with her in a fun, upbeat way, making it so they enjoy each other's company and spend time together like friends do. That helps her get closer to Hazel, get genuinely attached and through that let Hazel influence her worldview a bit, and be there for Hazel through harder, less fun things as well, till.. a certain point.

Simon, on the other hand, sees himself in Hazel as someone stranded on the train and under the care of a denizen, and automatically perceives Tuba as a threat. And he expresses his empathy in a direct, serious, violent way, by doing what he thinks needs doing: by getting rid of Tuba without making time for smiles and fun times.

Grace is the leader, she engages with people emotionally, making them feel needed and special and through that keeping the group together. Simon is the general who leads the army in what he perceives as the Apex's attempt to protect themselves. His approach does not leave much space for bodning. And it makes sense for him as someone much more focused on safety to have his understanding of denizens as dangerous run deeper, be more at the forefront, in his focus. He’s the one calculating the “danger levels” of encountered denizens. And of course the incident with The Cat makes it much more personal. I think it's fair to assume that both Grace and Simon must've had some unfortunate run-ins with the inhabitants of the train, with Grace being initially so set in her belief that denizens are dangerous because they are unpredictable, and you never know what they will do next. Though the only time we actually see her endangered is by the steward that Amelia had reprogrammed. Either way, the two had started off feeling endangered by the unpredictable and unreliable creatures surrounding them, and probably, in their attempts to find a reason to trust each other and feel safer around each other in a dangerous and confusing world, decided that passengers must be inherently good, denizens must be inherently bad.

There is, however, no actual trust in that, none at all between them.

I'd say that “trust”' is the core motif of season 3. Infinity Train tends to adopt an aphorism that keeps reappearing throughout a season, pronounced by different characters or in different contexts, highlighting the thematic movement and change and the development of the theme within the plot. In Book 1, it was the collocation “bounce back”, as the core of Tulip's character. In Book 2, we had “You can't spell 'escape' without 'companionship'”. In Book 3, our boy Roy introduced the phrase “Teamwork starts with two people trusting each other”. Simon's horrifying rendition of it emphasized the idea that not everyone counts as a person, so not everyone is deserving of trust. You can only rely on those who fit your narrow criteria of one.

However, even when Grace and Simon were on the same side of the barricades they've built with their own hands, they could never actually trust each other. Their bond and their care for each other were extremely conditional, hinging on the ultra specific image of a passenger, and influenced by the power hierarchy they had created.

We see that Grace is reluctant to trust Simon or the Apex with the changes happening to her, with her number going down, because she didn't want them to think “less of her”. Her personal issues, her fear of loneliness and abandonment and the idea that she needs to be something specific, someone who is always strong and right for people to stick around her, have certainly played into that. Grace is so used to comforting herself through saying the world is mean to her because she is special; she wears her “special” status as a mask, she has the highest number, she is “so good at the train”, and that's what keeps others around her in this reality, keeps them needing her. But it's not actually about her as a person. But it is also just the system the two have established. Numbers are power; one's number going down is their failure.

The amount of trust only diminishes as the plot progresses, with Grace's perspective shifting but her not being able to trust Simon with those thoughts and feelings – quite understandably, since he remained adamant about his beliefs till the very end. Grace could never truly trust Simon outside of the invented value system they've been existing within for many years. And that is reflective of her constant inner struggle, not being able to trust anyone with her self, without any myth explaining why she is awesome and irreplacable. Hazel was the first person who spent time around Grace while also falling out of the equation, not being influenced by the Apex propaganda, and that is why their bond was so life-changing to Grace – aside from the aforementioned grounds for empathy.

Now, was Simon ever able to truly trust Grace? I think he desperately needed to, and facing the fact that Grace has in some ways betrayed that trust by keepings things from him was one of the things that played into him going off the rails. (...That pun was not intended. )

As it was pointed out many times by many viewers, Simon seems to know quite a lot about funerals, which means that he probably had to attend one as a kid. Then, his relationship with The Cat seems to be a metaphor for neglectful parenting due to an addiction. The Cat is a collector, her treasures seeming to be extremely important to her. The voice in which Simon says the words “She is collecting again” hints on a long, ongoing problem. Then in the memory of his meeting with Grace, we see that The Cat had actually probably endangered him on one of her car crawls. Overall, Simon's childhood seems to had been an extremely unstable one, with nothing and no one he could truly rely on, with parental figures either dying or neglecting him. It is similar to Tulip's struggle, but most likely running even deeper.

We see Simon continuously leaning on Grace, which at times causes her frustration: she snaps and asks bitterly if she always has to tell him what to do. When Grace starts behaving weirdly, starts changing, acting in a way that Simon can't understand and is not used to, he probably feels endangered, like his life is growing incomprehensible and unstable once again, like things are slipping through his fingers and out of his control.

But at the end of the day, not one of them was truly relying on the other. Grace never trusted Simon to just stick around because he liked her, she needed the upper hand, the leading position, the idea of being “very good at the train”, and the system in which they should stick together as the passengers threatened by the dangerous environment and “the false conductor”. Simon never truly trusted Grace as we should trust those we love: with the freedom for them to grow and change and still remain someone we can feel safe and happy around. Instead of taking that leap of faith and relying on her to do right by him, he was in fact leaning on the system they've created, clinging to it desperately to the very end. People may change, but the system will stay the same, as long as he doesn't reconsider his worldview, and he had decided to never abandon it, whatever happens.

The lack of trust is warranted by their treatment of each other. How could Simon rely on Grace if she had never shown him her true self? How could Grace trust Simon with her genuine self if he needed her to be something very specific and unchanging? Their bond, while being something that helped them through the lonely existence in a weird, dangerous place, was in fact incredibly, tragically toxic. That is not something that people acknowledge easily. These two held onto their semblance of friendship for dear life, but that only worsened their respective problems, made them less and less capable of actual genuine friendships.

Both of their characters are very complex and convincing, and before I speak directly of some less pleasant parts of them I want to establish that I love Grace and am so very proud of her, and glad to see that a Black woman character did not remain an antagonist and got explored deeply and compassionately. And that while I was absolutely enraged by Simon's actions throughout the season, I can also appreciate the depth and complexity of the show's writing in his arc, and the tragedy of it, and I do feel for him quite deeply.

It is also worth mentioning that, even tho they are on the older end of 'kids', they are both kids still, with their formative years spent in unfortunate, unhelpful environments, and the age of growth and self-discovery happening in an actual cult, even tho it is one they had locked themselves into.

So now, to what can be perceieved as the darker parts of their characters. A unifying element of both Grace's and Simon's characters are their desire for control. Both scared of what life would be without it, they bend over backwards to make people behave in the way they need them to.

Grace does that through emotional manipulation, she directs her entire demeanor into making people see her as the most knowledgable and powerful, someone they need. She makes them want to be a part of the gang, telling them that it makes them special and brave, as well as making them belive that the outside world means them harm, which is... a classic cult tactic. She hides the truth from them when the truth threatens her position and bonds with them. In the culmination of her personal growth, she admits the reason behind it: she did everything in her power to not be left alone. She tried to control the way other people see the world, and through that control how they see her, thinking that that will make them want to stick around. But her manipulation was what kept her from creating genuine connections, so after she first fell out of her own equation and then pushed Hazel away in the last desperate attempt to fit back into it, there was no one left around her. She made people need her cult, not her person. She never let them know the real her that would make them want to stay. The truth is that people change constantly, and we can't eternally push ourselves to live up to a specific expectation, so any attempt to keep people around with anything else than our genuine self are simply doomed.

Simon does not have the same talent for manipulation that Grace does, despite his attempts to use her own techniques on her when trapping her in her memories.

[id: screenshot from Book 3 showing Grace looking at Simon, who’s sitting next to her with a grave expression on his face. end id]

Lacking subtlty, he seeks to control the world around him through brute force. We see him repeatedly grabbing Grace in an unsettling, scary, invasive and violent manner. He is unable to influence her mentality like she influences the mentality of other people. He can't act subtly, through emotion and manipulation. And his desperation to control the world and force it to work in ways that suit him get externalized through physical aggression.

That does not excuse him, nor does his desperation warrant sympathy, but the idea of his shows of power being actually signs of powerlessness seems... captivating, reassuring somehow. People who lash out at us do so because they don't actually get to control how we feel, and never can. They can influence and wound us deeply, but they can never actually fully control us, they don’t get to rewrite us.

...Buuut back to the character analysis. Much like Grace who at the start was holding the position of “whatever doesn’t pleases or entertains me gets wheeled” (perhaps a reflection of her “never needed them anyway” attitude seen in how she feels about her failed attempts at friendship), Simon also denies everything that doesn't suit him, not just the value of it but the reality of it, too. Despite all reason, he refuses to believe that he had been living a lie for the last uhh number of years. If something isn't working the way he wants it to, if someone is behaving in a way he doesn't like, he deems them broken and wrong. As Grace points out, her memories are only a true and reliable source to him as long as he likes them, and once he doesn't, they must be lies.

Simon is the very embodiment of stagnation, complete lack of flexibility – out of his compulsive need to control the world, to have it remain the same and stable, after the turbulences of his childhood. He is very, very much like Tulip – but he is not given a chance to 'bounce back'. Amelia, another example of deep stagnation and refusal to accept the changes in the world, is allowed that decades after boarding the train. She might never leave it, but she can still make an effort, she can still grow, bit by bit. Simon never makes it to the point where he is ready to accept the reality and start making peace with it.

I assume that for the biggest part of the show he is simply constantly triggered. He spends time with Grace, like they used to, before the Apex – but they met and started travelling together right after The Cat had abandoned him. Then they encounter a child who has no one but a supposedly unreliable denizen taking care of her – another thing to remind Simon of his own neglect. Then they straight up bump into The Cat, and Simon learns that her addicition is still active, that nothing has changed, that what happened to him wasn't enough for his parental figure to reconsider her ways. Then things start changing, Grace starts behaving differently, abandones the 'passenger-denizen' binary and makes him feel more alone and directionless than he probably has been in years.

But after he traps her in her tape and returns to the Apex, there is at least a couple of month for him to get out of the spiral and reconsier. All Of That. and yet he doesn't. At this point his actions are not solely motivated by the very unstable state he was in – which is not to say that he wouldn't need to take responsibility for them either way. But a certain amount of time and distance from it all could have been used for reflection, and yet Simon stays firmly in his position of clinging to the system and revelling in the ultimate control he had found by becoming a leader. He creates a myth of Grace as someone who is worthless because she is unfit to be a leader. He paints himself as more reliable and powerful through the firmness of his beliefs. With him, you can always know what the rules are going to be, how to be the best. Perhaps, in his twisted horrifying perception, he was giving the Apex kids the stability he'd never had.

Going back to the question of why Simon was not given the opportunity to bounce back... Obviously, a core element of his character is his refusal to change in any form, and that’s on him. But with making peace with change being a big theme in the show from season 1, with Amelia doing the same for decades and eventually getting to a place where she had finally accepted it... This is a heavy and fascinating narrative decision.

It's good to consider that Amelia never actually succeeded at controlling the world in the way that she needed. Among all the characters, her grief was the most hopeless, most desperate: she tried to reverse time, she tried to bring someone back to life. Unlike her, Simon achieved some at least perceived control that he had been striving for. The danger of his character is that he executed his power over actual physical people, and he felt like he could actually decide what their life was going to be, what his life was going to be. He never got to lose it all, like Grace did. He never got to face just how hollow his illusion of control was. So in some ways within his arc him not getting redemption makes sense.

But what does it mean for the show at large, for the underlying message? It feels inconsistent with the Infinity Train's narrative to just make Simon out to be a cautionary tale of what happens to those who deny change, or a foil to Grace who did ended up accepting it; we've already established that in the show's polycentric system, every character is more than just a part of someone else's journey, has full existence and autonomy outside of that.

Once again quoting my wonderful smart friend @buttercup-bug, I want to refer to the end of season 3 in which Grace tells the ex-Apex kids that it is not fair for her to decide for them what their place on the train is, who they are, what life is to them; and in the same way, the unconcluded story of this book can be open to interpretations, with every one of us getting to choose what to take out of the simple reality of it. Simon's story simply happened. We can take whatever lesson we need from it.

But before we part our ways and each one decides what to think of the bone-chilling end of his arc, I want to point a couple more things out.

5. The Train as a Metaphor for Life

Something that has really fascinated me about the show's narrative ever since my marathon of the first two seasons is the concept of the train. One One seems so very sure the train inspires growth, and yet, as we have learned in season 3, he, the Conductor himself, does not actually know much about the passengers' life aboard it except their numbers. There is no established system, there is no assigning of the denizens, there is no rulebook for them, they are not aware of the specific problems of the passengers they meet. Passengers can actually die on the train, which is wild if the goal of it is to make them grow and flourish. We are so used to thinking that to heal, one needs a perfectly supportive, comfortable and safe environment, and yet the train is challenging, dangerous, unpredictable.

I think the idea here, with characters time after time having to come to terms with life being confusing, ever-changing, often painful and entirely outside of our control, is that the train is not necessarily there to soothe the wounds but to raise the stakes, challenging people in such a way that their choices and their actions and approach to the reality have much more serious consequences. Tulip learns to accept help and help others in situations that actually threaten her and her loved ones, while what she would risk in the past when shutting herself off was just upsetting some friends and family and, you know, being fundamentally alone. Jesse went from letting others bully his brother to balancing on the edge of selling Lake out, which would end their entire existence. Grace went from being a child who creates fights and eggs others on to do something stupid to being an actual teenage cult leader. The train raises the stakes exponentially, and that makes everyone on board reconsider the real price of their actions.

Aside from that and giving specific directions for growth through numbers, though, it doesn't really... do anything. It functions the way life functions: things just happen, people just behave in ways that make sense for them, and everyone has full autonomy. At the same time, we see characters encounter the exact companions that make them grow, the exact enemies that challenge them in the most important ways. To once again quote Fleur @buttercup-bug a.k.a. the established sponsor of all of the behind-the-scenes Infinity Train discussions, the train is both ambigious and very meta, and “acts both as a narrative arc machine in a storytelling sense and as a lesson provider in a life sense, which bridges the gap between story and reality in a really personal way”.

That is a wonderful way to put something that captivated me upon my first watch. The train is a metaphor for life. It is contrasted against the metaphor for death or non-existence: the lifeless wasteland through which it is constantly moving, the wasteland populated by soul-sucking parasites also symbolical of nothing other than death. The train is life that is always moving, never the same, outside of our control, bigger than us, not obeying our wishes no matter how hard we try, challenging, populated by other people that have their free will, which often hurts us. And yet, the train is a provider of companions, which are to be our escape. And they are not crafted or tailored to us, nor are we crafted for them - and yet as our paths intersect, we impact each other, and we learn from each other in incredibly meaningful ways.

When thinking about this, I've landed on two possibilities. Either the Engine or the Train – something separate from One One – is a great and omnipotent mind capabe of foreseeing how things would unravel to everyone's utmost benefit, placing the correct people at the correct places, weaving an incredibly complex web of connections in which we always meet the companions we are supposed to meet ot exchange lessons with... or it doesn't need to be at all. And I think I like the latter much more.

The train doesn't need to be that, because, as I've already proposed earlier, ourselves and the people around us, whoever they are, are all we ever need. Wherever you are right now, wherever the Universe has put you, you are supposed to be there, not because it has some grand plan and knows something that you don't, but because no matter your circumstances, you already have what you need for growth. You have yourself and you have other people and their stories, and the connection they can offer you. (Hazel, who is perhaps the most mature character we meet – which is tragic considering how many dysfunctional adults she has to be around – seeks to connect with everyone around her who is not outwardly dangerous, no matter how little in common they seem to have. And eventually something is found, some strand of connection, creating empathy.) People around you always have something to offer. You yourself always have something to offer.

I would hold onto that idea, as well as the idea of “bouncing back”, of it never being too late to get better. And I felt a bit off-balance when Simon was not given a chance to do that. But in a way, shifitng the story from fated encounters that kickstart someone's progress, like the one between Tulip and Amelia, Lake and Jesse, gives even more weight to this concept, by putting our personal decision to change into focus.

It's not all about meeting this one specific person who will show you the error of your ways; even more so, sometimes people who have a lot in common and mirror each other hold each other back instead of helping each other grow. Sometimes one of them changing only pushes the other further down when they refuse to accept that. And at the end, it is all up to us.

Getting a little bit existential here, but we are fundamentally the only ones who define our lone separate experience, and we are always on our own and solely repsonsible for ourselves. Connection is always there to support us, to teach us something, and playing a role in someone's life is what makes us real and vice versa, and at the same time we are all masters of our own destiny. We do not bear responsibility for other people's actions, and they do not bear responsibility for ours. Some environments are more suited for our growth, some less, but at the end of the day the choice to take whatever opportunities we have is up to us.

Which means that we don't have to sit around waiting for the Logical Point in our character arcs to achieve a breakthrough. The world is always there for us to engage with, to hear what it has to say. The question is, are we ready to accept it? To see it for what it is? With time it will grow louder, ignoring the truth we're avoiding will become harder, but the choice to listen is always ours. We can do it sooner rather than later. Or we can do it... never, refuse the reality, refuse change and the nature of life. Because we are the ones responsible. We can't blame the world for not delivering the needed lessons sooner in life, because even if it did, nothing would stop us from ignoring them. We can't feel entitled to endless lessons and endless comfort from people around us. We should take care of ourselves.

Which means that, wherever we are, at any point of our lives, we can always grow if we listen, if we open ourselves up to the truth. And the truth is that life is incredibly, undescribably complicated. It stretches across so many different individual experiences, and it does not prioritize a single one of them. We are a part of such a vast web of events and connections, and it is foolish to consider that the world is the way it is just to spite you or hurt you, or that it should change, stop and start spinning in the opposite direction just to ease your pain.

Things happen that no one is to blame for. There is no fault in the way the world is. Nothing is broken. Life goes on, endlessly, life changes, people change, people leave, people hurt us. That is okay. We can always change ourselves, we can be flexible and open and alive, we can extend our hand to the world and work together with it in true companionship.

Life is the way it is, wild and uncontrollable, and you cannot escape it, you cannot escape change, as long as you are alive. But you can make peace with that. Through acceptance, love and connection.

Gohms, creatures dwelling in the desert that symbolizes non-existence, parasites that symbolize death, are what awaits those who choose to get off the train. Those who try to escape the endless movement and challenges of life. You cannot truly stagnate, you cannot stop moving, you cannot stop things form changing, as long as you exist. As Simon attempts to control the world, still it, for the very last time, that is what happens to him. He stops existing. By refusing change, he refuses life itself. And loses it. And maybe it's not about him never getting to arrive at a point that would tip him over and change him. Maybe it's about his choice to not take all the opportunities that were presented to him before. Maybe he could've done something very different, whether that would have changed his fate or not, with whatever time he had left.

#infinity train #infinity train book three #infinity train book two #infinity train book one #meta #tulip olsen #lake infinity train #grace monroe #simon laurent #trauma mention tw #childhood neglect tw #addiction tw #analysis tag #OOF #ive been waiting to get this out of my head for so LONG

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callunavulgari · 5 years ago

Text

Scrapbook 2020 | Pt. I

Reminder:

Normal font - Indifferent/Neutral Italicized font - Enjoyed bold font - Loved with an asterisk* - All time favorite (bracketed titles) - Re-watches/Re-reads strikethough - Disliked

Goals are: read seventy-five books, finish five video games, write something novel-length and write something original. These last two goals CAN be combined. So you know, nearly the exact same goals from last year.

MOVIES

January

My Neighbor Totoro

(Matilda)

(The Mummy)

The Pacifier

(Moana)

Lion King (2019)

February

Hereditary

(The Lion King 2)

Kiki’s Delivery Service

March

(Tangled)

(Zootopia)

(Lilo and Stitch)

(The Swan Princess)

(The Swan Princess: Secret of the Castle)

(The Swan Princess: The Mystery of the Enchanted Kingdom)

April

Onward

(Your Name)

(Frozen 2)

Happy Death Day

Promare

May

(Free Willy)

(Star Wars: The Last Skywalker)

(Free Willy 2)

(The Road to El Dorado)

(Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron)

(Prince of Egypt)

BOOKS

January

The Secret Commonwealth | Philip Pullman [Fin]

The Great Hunt | Robert Jordan [Fin]

Wanderers | Chuck Wendig

The Dragon Republic | R.F. Kuang

February

Wanderers | Chuck Wendig [Fin]

The Dragon Republic | R.F. Kuang [Fin]

Runebinder | Alex Kahler [Fin]

The Book of M | Peng Shepherd [Fin]

Call Down the Hawk | Maggie Stiefvater [Fin]

(The Diviners | Libba Bray) [Fin]

(Lair of Dreams | Libba Bray) [Fin]

(Before the Devil Breaks You | Libba Bray) [Fin]

King of Crows | Libba Bray [Fin]

Gods of Jade and Shadow | Silvia Moreno-Garcia [Fin]

The City of Brass | S.A. Chakraborty

March

The City of Brass | S.A. Chakraborty [Fin]

Legion | Brandon Sanderson [Fin]

Taproot | Keezy Young [Fin]

Mooncakes | Suzanna Walker, Wendy Xu [Fin]

Loki: the God Who Fell to Earth | Daniel Kibblesmith [Fin]

The Lost Future of Pepperharrow | Natasha Pulley [Fin]

The Hazel Wood | Melissa Albert [Fin]

The Black Tides of Heaven | J.Y. Yang [Fin]

Gideon the Ninth | Tamsyn Muir** [Fin]

Loki: Where Mischief Lies | Mackenzie Lee [Fin]

American Royals | Katharine McGee [Fin]

River of Teeth | Sarah Gailey [Fin]

We Are Okay | Nina LaCour [Fin]

Where the Crawdads Sing | Delia Owens [Fin]

A Memory Called Empire | Arkady Martine [Fin]

April

The Dream Peddler | Martine Fournier Watson [Fin]

The Dragon Reborn | Robert Jordan [Fin]

The Glass Hotel | Emily St John Mandel [Fin]

On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous | Ocean Vuong [Fin]

The Unhoneymooners | Christina Lauren [Fin]

(Captive Prince 1 | C.S.Pacat) [Fin]

(Captive Prince 2 | CS Pacat) [Fin]

(Captive Prince 3 | CS Pacat) [Fin]

The Flatshare | Bath O’Leary [Fin]

A Study in Brimstone | G.S. Denning [Fin]

May

Sky In the Deep | Adrienne Young [Fin]

House of Salt and Sorrows | Erin Craig [Fin]

The Sparrow | Mary Russell [Fin]

Here and Now and Then | Mike Chen [Fin]

Burn for Me | Ilona Andrews [Fin]

The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms | N.K. Jemisin [Fin]

Mister Monday | Garth Nix

PODCASTS

January

King Falls AM, Eps 35-75

February

King Falls AM, Eps Live Special-84

The Penumbra Podcast | Juno Steel and the Tools of Rust

(Zero Hours - Ep 7)

March

King Falls AM, Eps 84-100

April

(The Magnus Archive, s1)

The Magnus Archive, s5

Welcome to Night Vale

The Bridge

The Adventure Zone

May

The Magnus Archive, s5

TV SHOWS BY SEASON

January

The Great British Baking Show, s7, s6

Lost In Space, s2

The Magicians, s3, s4

The Untamed

February

The Untamed**

The Terror, s2

March

Guardian

Haikyuu

Westworld, s3

April

The Great British Baking Show, s6

Westworld, s3

Jeopardy

The Guardian

May

Motherland: Fort Salem

(Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Buzzfeed Unsolved: Supernatural

Buzzfeed Unsolved: True Crime

Watcher Entertainment

She-Ra, s5**

The Guardian

(Avatar: The Last Airbender)

VIDEO GAMES

January

Pokemon: Shield (30 hrs) [Fin]

Monster Hunter World: Iceborne (10 hrs)

February

Monster Hunter World: Iceborne (30 hrs)

Transistor [Fin]

Plague Tales: Innocence (15 hrs)

Civ VI (France- FIN, Victory)

Assassin’s Creed: Origins (20 hrs)

March

Kingdom Hearts 3

Luigi’s Mansion [Fin]

(LoZ: Breath of the Wild)

April

(LoZ: Breath of the Wild)

The Outer Worlds

Oxenfree

May

Final Fantasy 7 Remake

Shadow of the Colossus

DELIGHTFUL FIC

January

A Miracle in Thunder by LazyBaker | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 4.5k | Christmas morning, Steve’s pulling into a nearly empty parking lot to open Family Video on his own.

The White Wolf by norgbelulah | Castlevania | Alucard/Trevor/Sypha | 6k | Trevor and Sypha travel back to the Belmont Estate and Castle Dracula, unsure of what they will find there.

Stainless by Fahye | The Untamed | Lan Zhan/Wei Wuxian | 6.5k | "I'm starting to feel," says Lan Xichen, "that this was a counterproductive suggestion."

sleep in your bed by copperwings | The Untamed | Lan Zhan/Wei Wuxian | 12k | or; Wei WuXian has a tendency to fall asleep in places where he shouldn't. Lan WangJi disapproves.

by the grace of a ride along by brawlite | The Witcher | Geralt/Jaskier | 5k | They shouldn't so often find themselves in situations like this. And yet.

this line bisects by adspexi | The Queen’s Thief | Attolia/Eugenides/Costis | 1k | The rumors around Costis' status as a royal favorite haven't quieted down. The king doesn't seem to mind.

Be kind by longnationalnightmare | The Magicians | Quentin/Eliot | 10k | It was absurd how much Eliot meant it— you’re cute—so cute Eliot wanted to swallow him whole.

Reclaimed by betts | Star Wars | Reylo | 14k | Or: After the passing of new legislation, Rey and thousands of other omegas are rescued from the abusive grasps of their alphas. She gets adopted by a new alpha and braces herself for the cruelty she’s grown used to. But Ben isn’t like other alphas, and Rey slowly warms to his kindness.

Make a list of things you need by longnationalnightmare | The Magicians | Quentin/Eliot | 10k | “Whose wedding?” he asked, and only stopped assessing the room when Eliot failed to answer. “El, who’s getting married?”

seldom all they seem by Fahye | The Untamed | Lan Zhan/Wei Wuxian | 24k | or, one hundred and thirty-three principles of the Gusu Lan, pertaining to the state of marriage

love is touching souls (surely you touched mine) by ToAStranger | Harry Potter | Harry Potter/Tom Riddle | 34k | Voldemort is dead. It's Christmas, and Harry's just opened a gift from Fred and George Weasley.

back to back by serenfire | The Witcher | Geralt/Jaskier | 13k | (Or: If Yennefer gets to be improbably naked in canon, then I am making Jaskier equally, if not more, naked. It's equality.)

You're a Story (I Can Follow) by Page161of180 | The Magicians | Queliot | 20k | The Monster's been defeated, Quentin is dead, and Eliot has a quest of his own--if he can trust himself to complete it. An Orpheus and Eurydice remix.

Lover's Touch by Rizandace | The Magicians | Queliot | 25k | Q gets cursed, and Alice can't help. Magic forces Q and Eliot to cuddle and talk about their feelings.

Possession by yaskween | The Magicians | Queliot | 9k | “Honestly? I don’t mean to be rude,” Eliot started, having trouble meeting Quentin’s eyes again. “But I don’t think I can handle being this close to you right now.”

You In My Head by stele3 | The Magicians | Queliot | 5k | Apparently, the Monster hadn’t cared much about hydration. Eliot hasn’t been this parched since Ibiza 2012.

fall through by sarcasticfishes | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Shane/Ryan/Sara | 8k | “Sorry man, our flights are grounded because of some freak storm. Waiting to see if we can get one out tomorrow,” Shane reads aloud, and Sara pouts down at the screen.

with them indiana boys (on them indiana nights) by ToAStranger | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 5k | The thing is, when Billy first saw Steve Harrington, he knew.

The Genius of the Western River by Siria | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Shane/Ryan | 14k | Shane’s totally working on being flippant about all those times he joked about Ryan’s godlike physique, never suspecting how true those jokes might be—the two of them just have to defeat a supernatural serial killer first.

I was born to blanket you in flowers by MyFandomCausesHanaji | The Untamed | Wei Wuxan/Lan Zhan | 5k | “I have folded a thousand paper flowers for you.”

A Temporary Favor by oxymoronic | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 30k | It’s barely three days since El closed the gate when Hopper tells him he wants to rip a hole in space and time to rescue Billy Hargrove. Steve thinks it’s the dumbest thing he’s ever heard.

February

it’s a long way forward (so trust in me) by suzukiblu | The Witcher | Geralt/Jaskier | 25k | “Does that stop heat?” Jaskier asks curiously, absentmindedly tuning his lute as he speaks. He hadn’t thought anything could, but, well . . . witchers and their potions.

Love as You Are by thisgirlsays22 | The Witcher | Geralt/Jaskier | 16k | Jaskier didn’t want to marry just any noblewoman--no matter how comely she may be--he wanted adventure and many loves, but most importantly his biggest, greatest love of all.

GERALT'S A SOFT BOI send tweet by relenafanel | The Witcher | Geralt/Jaskier | 2k | WIP | “Hey, so this is where you ended up,” Jaskier said, sliding into the chair across from Geralt in the sad truck-stop diner 50 kilometres outside of the backwater swamp-dump reporting an infestation of drowners.

The Rule Of Opposites by entanglednow | Good Omens | Aziraphale/Crowley | 6k | In which they are opposing forces, not designed to touch, anathema to each other. Crowley refuses to accept it.

have you noticed I’ve been gone? by suzukiblu | The Witcher | Geralt/Jaskier | 12k | Jaskier is a very good kisser, and almost kisses Geralt often enough, which is a damn sight closer than most people get. Even when he’s paying for it, he doesn’t get kissed enough. Jaskier gets close, though.

Chattoter Trending by DragonBandit | Pokemon | Leon/Raihan | 2.5k | Neither Raihan or Leon have told the greater public about their relationship. Then Raihan posts the wrong picture to Chattoter.

from me to you by Ceta | The Untamed | Wei Wuxian/Lan Zhan | 14k | Wei Too Cool ✓ @wei-wuxian correct me if i’m wrong but i’m pretty sure that’s a love song @LanWangJi #AtFirstSight

Do it Again by thisgirlsays22 | The Witcher | Geralt/Jaskier | 7k | By the twentieth time Geralt has gone through the loop, he decides to just throw himself off the cliff’s edge after Borch.

March

The Absolutely True Story of the Yiling Patriarch: A Manifesto in Many Parts by aubreyli | The Untamed | Wei Wuxian/Lan Zhan | 20k | “Love?” he croaks, then clears his throat and tries again. “Lan Zh— uh, Hanguang-jun, in love?”

bend all the rules by brawlite | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 14k | Billy knows that it’s a bad idea to hook up with his old high school rival and certified Straight Guy™, Steve Harrington -- but Hawkins is real bleak during the holidays, and Billy’s just trying to make it through winter break without dying of boredom.

April

Probability Engine by @kaikamahine | The Watchmaker of Filigree Street | Keita/Thaniel | 22k | The worst part about knowing you will have to shove Merrick Tremayne into the path of an oncoming cannonball is that you genuinely enjoy the man's company. Unfortunately, this becomes something of a recurring theme.

rare the man who'll hold to faith by Fahye | The Untamed | Wei Wuxian/Lan Zhan | 13k | "There is the mark of our bargain, and here is the challenge," said the Yiling Patriarch.

a stone to break your soul, a song to save it by rikke | The Untamed | Wei Wuxian/Lan Zhan | 180k | When the entire cultivation world turns against Wei WuXian, Jiang Cheng comes up with a plan to save him and arranges a marriage between his brother and the Second Jade of Lan, Lan WangJi.

a prize for rotten judgement by sarcasticfishes | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 10k | “You’d drive each other crazy. You sit together at your office all day, and then you’d be commuting home together, eating dinner together, watching TV together, going to bed — well, not together, but you get it, right?”

Linger in the Sun by etymologyplayground | The Untamed | Wei Wuxian/Lan Zhan | 39k | "Tell Lan Zhan that I'm weeping uncontrollably," Wei Wuxian says to the juniors. "Tell him I'm truly pitiful and he needs to do everything I say until I'm well again."

Every ridge hand-picked by the late sun’s slant light by wildestranger | The Guardian | Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan | 7k | “Long time, no see,” he says.The Black Cloaked Envoy blanches.

If Life Was A Movie We’d Have A Better Soundtrack Than This by galaxysoup | The Guardian | Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan | 46k | The first time Shen Wei meets Zhao Yunlan is when he innocently steps out of his Monday morning office hours and is immediately slammed into by 180 pounds of cop pursuing a suspect on foot.

Sex, Science, and True Love: A Rigid Analysis of the Practical Applications of Dual Cultivation by aubreyli | The Untamed | Wei Wuxian/Lan Zhan | 24k | WIP | “The Lans are far too boring and repressed for something like this,” Wei Wuxian said, with the authority of one who had been resoundingly ignored by a Lan for the past month. “Can you imagine Lan Wangji dual cultivating?”

and so my heart beats wildly by lily_winterwood | The Untamed | Wei Wuxian/Lan Zhan | 106k | “You know, you’re the one to beat this year,” Jiang Cheng offers helpfully, having seen the glare from right next to him. “Hanguang-jun’s been through juniors with the rest of us, he knows all of our tics. You’re an unknown variable, since he’s never competed against you before.”

Weird and/or Wonderful by beethechange | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Shane/Ryan | 12k | Or: During the filming of an episode of Weird and/or Wonderful World, Ryan tosses a shoelace and a wish in an ancient magical wishing well. Mistakes are made.

one good thing by Yuu_chi | The Untamed | Wei Wuxian/Lan Zhan | 26k | Wei Wuxian has been haunting his childhood home for three years. He's perfected the fine art of scaring away all the tenants, and has grown used to living with the dying flowers in the garden as his only company.

stay with me, go places by beethechange | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Shane/Ryan | 16k | “Never have I ever,” Shane says, feeling his way delicately around the syllables, making nice with all the consonants and vowels, “hooked up with a friend at a wedding.”

once more with feeling by sarsaparillia | Oxenfree | Alex/Jonas | 26k | Alex, stumbling through the time-stream.

hey boy, take a look at me by weakspots | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 17k | Ryan is 27, for Christ’s sake, and he’s not exactly hideous, so there’s really no reason to spend his money on a dude — a dude — whose face he’ll never see but whose livestreams he’s been jerking off to for roughly 4 months now.

Warm Blanket by surveycorpsjean | Promare | Lio/Galo | 19k | He wonders if Lio remembers.

spend some time with me (i really like your company) by fencer_x | Promare | Galo/Lio | 73k | Galo Thymos is the worst hostage ever, and Lio regrets kidnapping him with every waking breath.

times that are broken can often be one again by sarcasticfishes | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane/Sara | The moment the lights come on, Shane senses that something is wrong.

my age has never made me wise by idrilka | The Untamed | Wei Wuxian/Lan Zhan | 63k | “We hear that His Excellency might be married by summer’s end,” the merchant’s wife says and Wei Wuxian freezes, his heart in his throat. “The Gusu Lan sect has been buying enough red silk and brocade that the merchants in Caiyi can’t satisfy the demand.”

May

The Shops on Morning Street by mikkimouse | Castlevania | Alucard/Trevor | 7k | Trevor Belmont, former monster hunter and current florist, is tasked with looking into the proprietor of the new tattoo parlor across the street, much to his annoyance.

Sarva by rageprufrock | Guardian | Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan | 5k | Or, 一切. At work, in public, Shen Wei is meticulously, seamlessly polite. In bed, he's something else.

Heartbeat by quackers | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 66k | So the guy Ryan sits next to at work is a vampire. That's no big deal, right?

Soup-pocalypse and The Great Curry Cataclysm by SquadOfCats | Harry Potter | Draco/Harry | 104k | Eleven years after the war, Draco Malfoy leads a quiet, boring, and perfectly respectable life, thanks very much. Or, at least he does, until a sudden and very unexpected veela awakening causes him to throw soup all over Harry Potter in the middle of the Ministry cafeteria.

until you fit beneath me (and you’re breaking like a wave) by beethechange | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | In which Shane Madej succumbs to the mortifying ordeal of being known—but not before being a real butthead about it for many thousands of words first.

there is no such thing by gh0stly | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 10k | A simple investigation turns serious as Ryan suspects the black dog of Hawthorn road isn't the only demonic entity to have followed him home.

oracle bones by orphan_account | Avatar: TLA | Zuko/Katara | 3k | The foreign, pictorial characters that bracelet Zuko's left wrist have never been covered in any of his lessons. He cannot read them.

Third Time's A Charm by quackers | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 31k | Shane can't help but fall for the hot young lifeguard that stars in his Baywatch inspired daydreams, but he has a secret that no one can know. Not even Ryan.

Milk and Honey by quackers | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 18k | Sure, the fae were real. Everyone knew that.Ryan being fae? As likely as ghosts existing.

Technically-Terrestrial by quackers | Buzzfeed Unsolved | 60k | Nearly forty years ago, the disgraced group of an alien race found refuge amongst the population of Earth.And now Shane Madej, who is more-or-less human, kind-of-actually-an-alien, has to convince his terrified best friend Ryan that he's not about to abduct him.

play me like a love song by sky_somedays | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 10k | Shane is Ryan's beleaguered history TA. Ryan won't stop suggesting insane theories.

one word from you by mme_anxious | The Untamed | Lan Zhan/Wei Wuxian | 5k | Wei Wuxian manages to get himself cursed and Lan Wangji just wants to be helpful.

DELIGHTFUL FANVIDS

January

A Tribute to 2019 Cinema

Geralt & Yennefer | Wicked Game

chaos | Yennefer of Vengerberg

Yennefer of Vengerberg || SURVIVOR

The Multifandom Mashup 2019

Multifandom Mashup 2019

Natural ][ Multifandom

Yennefer Of Vengerberg | Here I Am

destiny [The Witcher]

star wars || war pigs

THE WITCHER || IN THE END [Happy New Year!]

Sucker [Jaskier & Geralt / Humor]

The Witcher || War Pigs

Lee Scoresby ][ Rebel Just For Kicks || HDM

Jaskier & Geralt || Hold on

February

The Art of Cinema

Jaskier & Geralt || Hold on

Jaskier || Oh No!

The Witcher || River

Geralt Of Rivia || Old Town Road

Multifandom | Glitter & Gold

Everybody knows | Multifandom

Merlin | Survivor

March

xue yang & xiao xingchen (the untamed MV) | hold on

Wei Wuxian | The Yiling Patriarch

The Untamed | Devil from Heaven

陈情令-The Untamed (2019) | but I'm only human | Yiling Patriarch

wei wu xian & lan wang ji (the untamed MV) | they don't know about us

Wangxian || Us Against the World (The Untamed)

Wei Wu Xian & Lan Wang Ji | A Thousand Years (The Untamed FMV)

hannibal || the way you are

Wei Wuxian & Lan Wangji | Bury our Love《陈情令 The Untamed》

The Untamed FMV | Wei Wuxian & Lan Wangji | 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓁𝓎

The Untamed MV - Rule the World

𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘴𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘺 || wei wu xian 陈情令

陈情令 | The Untamed - I Will Carry You

wei wu xian & lan wang ji (the untamed MV) | beautiful mess

The Witcher | Geralt Of Rivia

Kylo Ren & Rey | I Know You

Miles Morales | Whatever It Takes

EGO - Wei Wuxian

Wei Wuxian | Rebel Just For Kicks

Geralt of Rivia // Glitter and Gold

Glitter & Gold ][ TUA

Eliot Waugh - Let It Happen

Jaskier ❤️️ Everybody Loves Me

April

DJ Earworm - YouTube Sings Dance Monkey (100 COVERS)

Khan ][ Believer

Roman Sionis | Black Mask ][ Bad Guy

(Star Wars) Kylo Ren | Redemption

(The Witcher) Geralt of Rivia | The White Wolf

Sirius & Regulus | Black Flies

The Marauders | HOME

(Marvel) Thor | The New Path

(Marvel) Tony Stark | My Legacy

A Song of Ice & Fire

(GoT) Daenerys Targaryen | My Reign is Over

Harley Quinn ][ Feeling Good

Multifandom II You'll Always Be A Monster

Haru & Rin || Deep Blue

Star Wars - Anime Opening 1 (A New Hope Arc)

It's hard

Severus Snape

Marvel || BLUE MONDAY

never surrender

May

[AMV] In The Name of Love [Yuri!!! on ICE]

Catra & Adora | I love you, I always have (+S5)

Sherlock ][ Bohemian Rhapsody

(Marvel) Avengers | Catastrophe

DELIGHTFUL MUSIC

January

There She Goes - Sixpence None the Richer

Don’t You Forget About Me - Simple Minds

Devil Side - Foxes

Medhel an Gwyns - Anna Dudley

A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square - Tori Amos

Toss A Coin to Your Witcher - Witcher OST

Smile For the Camera - UPSAHL

Fail We Must Sail We Must - Unloved

It’s Not You, It’s Me -Unloved

Bill - Unloved

Cry Baby Cry - Unloved

Sigh - Unloved

Teeth - 5 Seconds of Summer

My Dear - The Castros

Us - Regina Spektor

Houses - Great Northern

Beautiful Dreamer - The Magicians Cast

Graveyard - Halsey

Imperfections - Celine Dion

Premonitions - Vaults

Jagwar - Shells

Nice To Meet You - Niall Horan

Handsome and Wealthy - Migos

Thunder - Shaed

6 Underground - The Sneaker Pimps

February

Land of Yesterday - Anastasia Original Broadway Cast

You’re Somebody Else - Flora Cash

Masterpiece - Vargas & Lagola

Everybody Knows - Sigrid

Fly Me to the Moon - Frank Sinatra

Cringe - Stripped - Matt Maeson

Black Out Days - Phantogram

You Don’t Get Me High Anymore - Wakey!Wakey!

Pep Talk - Judah & the Lion

Ag Bruach Dhun Reimhe - Eithne Ni Uallachan

Grave Digger - Matt Maeson

Hidden Lakes - Shearwater

Maker - Anjimile

The Untamed sountracks - vocal and instrumental

Cut My Lip - 21 Pilots

Cancer - 21 Pilots

Strawberry Fields - The Beatles

March

Infinity - Jaymes Young

Chadelier - Sia

No Time to Die - Billie Eilish

South of the Border - Camila Cabello & Cardi B

Moondust - Jaymes Young

April

2020 playlist

May

2020 playlist

POSTED FIC

January

a different kind of danger in the daylight | Shades of Magic | Kell/Lila/Holland | 6,930 words | Sleeping with Holland was never part of the plan.

February

love will have it's sacrifices | Teen Wolf | Sterek | 7,719 words | “So,” Allison starts, biting her lip. “You’re telling me that you think your roommate is a werewolf.”

March

Teeth | The Witcher | Jaskier/Geralt | 2,368 words | “You wrote a song about my teeth,” Geralt says.

April

Lithium | Kingdom Hearts | Axel/Roxas | 378 words | The grass is cool and faintly damp, still springy under your palms.

the thrill of knowing how alone we are | Stargate Atlantis | Rodney/John | 1,077 words | “Right now, I really don’t know if I want to kiss you or shove you off the damn bridge.”Rodney, who is, in fact, on a bridge right now, has never had the best sense of self preservation, because he snaps right back, “Oh good, can I pick?”

i hope you lose your way | Kingdom Hearts | Sora/Riku | 1,725 words | The last summer that he and Sora were together, truly together, before the inexplicable pull of adulthood drew them further and further apart until that thread finally snapped, they went on a road trip.

ephemeral | The Untamed | Lan Zhan/Wei Wuxian | 2,353 words | “Composing is what suits me now,” Lan Wangji says, his voice like a shrug. “In a year, it may be dancing.”

May

fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes | Stranger Things | Billy/Steve | 4,108 words | As Steve watches, the man arches one of those eyebrows and asks, “Are you trying to get eaten by a shark?”

WIPS | UNPUBLISHED | ORIGINAL

January

N/A

February

N/A

March

N/A

April

The Untamed, ephemeral, 2148 words

May

Untitled Mermay Fic | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 3.367 words

FANMIXES/GRAPHICS

January

All the 8tracks imports

February

N/A

March

N/A

April

N/A

May

Writing Playlist

#heather says what #heather writes #scrapbook #2020

2 notes · View notes

leiascully · 6 years ago

Text

Fic: Between A Rock And A Hard Place (Part Four)

Timeline: Season 10 (replaces My Struggle in the All The Choices We’ve Made ‘verse - Visitor + Resident + etc.) Rating: PG Characters: Mulder, Scully, Tad O’Malley, Sveta (established MSR) Content warning: canon-typical body horror (mentions of abduction, forced pregnancy, etc.) A/N: I’m collecting all the related stories that go with Visitor/Resident under the title “All The Choices We’ve Made”, because it felt right at the time. This story is an alternate My Struggle that reflects M&S’ growth/change in the ATCWM ‘verse. I’m weaving canon dialogue into the stories in an attempt to keep the reframing plausibly in line with canon.

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

It seems inevitable that Sveta and O'Malley will want to meet with them again, so Mulder short-circuits the whole thing. He's impatient in his old age. He was impatient in his youth. He texts O'Malley and asks for the name of Sveta's hotel. He's waiting in the lobby with a coffee when she comes down. Scully's back at Quantico. He expects O'Malley to find her in the morgue. A tv personality shouldn't have that kind of access and yet. O'Malley clearly knows which strings to pull. Sveta wanders down eventually, startled when he waves at her as she crosses the lobby with halting purpose in her step. She turns to him and wavers, like she's torn between wanting his help and fearing that no one can help. Another symptom for his checklist. He waits and finally she steps toward him.

"Agent Mulder. Hello."

"Hey," he says. "Dr. Scully asked me to check on you." It's as close to truth as he can get.

"That's so kind," Sveta says. "I knew she was kind."

"Can I buy you a coffee?" Mulder asks.

"Thank you," Sveta says. They order and he pays, and they return to the table he claimed, his newspaper still open to the half-done crossword.

"I had a few more questions for you myself," he says, after some small talk.

"I know," she tells him. "You can ask."

"There was a moment when we were talking to you about your abductions - about your pregnancies. We asked you a question and you looked at Mr. O'Malley before you answered. Why?"

She laced her fingers around the heat of her coffee cup. The barista hadn't even tried to get her name right. There was just a Z and a scribble. "Because it's not exactly the right question."

"I'm sorry," Mulder said. "I don't understand."

"Mr. O'Malley told you it was aliens who took my babies," Sveta said. "But I don't believe it's aliens who are taking them."

"If aliens didn't abduct you, who did?" Mulder asks, already certain of the answer.

Sveta's lip trembles and her eyes shine with tears that threaten to brim over. "It's difficult to talk about. The memories are difficult and the answers you want...they're dangerous, Mr. Mulder."

Twenty years ago, they would have sent a girl like her to distract him. Twenty years ago, it would have worked. He was a knight errant then, imagining he could save every damsel in distress. He's learned not to gallop off in all directions now, though he paid more than he should have for the lesson.

"Everything stays between us, Sveta," he promises. "This isn't an interrogation. It's not on the record. It's just a conversation."

"The things I've experienced," she chokes out. "They've affected my entire life. They've made it impossible to have anything like a normal existence."

Mulder leans forward, reminded that therapists guide a conversation in much the same way interrogators do, and he's trained in both. "What are you afraid of, Sveta?"

"That it only gets worse," she says, and the tears spill over at last with perfect cinematic timing. He believes in her pain. He also believes in O'Malley's showmanship.

"Who took your babies?" he asks in his most soothing, most confidential voice.

"Men," she says in a hoarse whisper. "They took me aboard their ships. Their human ships. I was afraid they would kill me if I ever told anyone the truth. When I saw Mr. O'Malley...he seemed like my best chance to find out what happened to me."

"You didn't see a doctor because doctors did this to you," Mulder says.

"Who could I trust?" Sveta asks, tears running down her cheeks again. "They would erase the evidence. Call me a liar. They're the liars."

"You can trust me," Mulder says. "You can trust Dr. Scully. Our job is to protect you while we bring justice to those who harmed you."

"You work for the government," Sveta sniffles.

"Sometimes the best place to find the lies is inside the house," Mulder tells her. "They call me a liar too. They call Dr. Scully a liar."

"How do you keep going?" Sveta asks. Her eyes are wet and she looks so young.

"One step at a time," Mulder says. "Right now, your trauma is an open wound. You'll heal with time. And you'll help us bring these men to justice."

"I want to believe you," Sveta says.

"Me too," Mulder sighs.

He calls Scully from the car. She sounds distracted as she answers.

"Is he there?" Mulder asks. "Why am I even asking, of course he's there."

"Of course, Assistant Director," she says. "Just finishing the preliminary notes. Let me wash up and I'll be right there." He hears her turn her face away from the speaker. "So sorry, but I've got a meeting."

"What a shame," says O'Malley's voice, distantly, muffled. "Let me know if you ever want to grab dinner sometime. I'm sure you're a veritable library of information. I'll bring the Scotch and you bring the weird science."

She laughs politely and he hears the door close behind her and then the sound of water running. "Sorry, Mulder. I pretended to hang up and put my phone in my pocket."

"At least you got offered dinner," Mulder says. "You going to go out with Tad O'Malley? The Tad O'Malley? He'll show you a good time."

"I'm married," she says casually but firmly, and his heart flipflops in his chest. "How was Sveta?"

"Rattled," he says. "You were right. The same story about humans abducting her, and O'Malley just running with the notion of aliens. No one can really explain the craft without ET, but everything since then - all the work after the initial abduction, anyway - that's been us. Humans."

"Does that surprise you?" she says after a pause.

"No," he says. "You?"

"No," she says. "I seem to recall you having a meltdown over the same revelation sometime circa 1998."

"I seem to recall you being next to Cassandra Spender as she vanished off a bridge the same year," he counters.

She sighs. "There are days I don't regret getting that tattoo."

"We've been chasing our tails for decades," he agrees.

"They'll reopen the X-Files if he asks them to," she says. "You know they will. And then what will we do?"

"That was my next question," he says.

"We can't help her without access," Scully says. "But it's highly probable we can't help her at all. Ten year of unraveling the lies and we never got any definitive proof we could take to the public."

"You were right," he says. "We need help."

"He brought me a collection of photographs," she tells him. "He wanted me to tell me if they were alien hybrid children."

"Were they?" Mulder asks.

"I can't make that kind of designation based on a photograph," she says sternly, "but my medical opinion, which I shared with Mr. O'Malley, was that they shared a rare disease called microtia, which causes children to be born without the external apparatus of the ear. Rare, but not unearthly. Alien in appearance, but not in origin."

"Did he ask you about the X-Files?"

"Of course," she says. "He wanted to know if I missed the work."

Mulder taps on the steering wheel. "What did you tell him?"

"I told him it was some of the most intense and challenging work I'd ever done," she says. "I told him I thought I had felt most alive when you and I were working together."

He swallowed against the lump in his throat. "Laying it on thick, Dr. Scully."

"I told him that working with you had led to the most intense and challenging and impossible relationship of my life," she says. "And after all of that, he still tried to ask me out."

"Intense and challenging and impossible aren't necessarily positive," Mulder tells her. "You left an opening."

"He wasn't really listening," Scully says. "But you know I love a challenge, Mulder."

"Yes, you do," he says.

"We need to talk to Skinner," she says.

"I'm on it," he tells her, and hangs up.

Skinner meets them after hours at the elevator. They all ride down together. Scully kissed Skinner in this elevator once, Mulder seems to remember, but he only heard about it later from the security guard watching the video feed. He doesn't remember much from that particular adventure anyway, except kissing whoever Scully was in 1939 and getting a gaudy bruise for it. They don't talk on the way to the basement. The place smells the same. The office still has pencils in the ceiling. Somebody's taken the trouble to gut and repaint the place, and it still has pencils in the ceiling.

"Where are the files?" Scully asks.

"I don't know," Skinner says, but he looks away as he says it. Play the game, Mulder thinks, and they'll find out later.

"You said no one had been down here, that it hadn't been touched," he says, letting a little anger color his voice. Skinner will forgive him. They all have to play their parts. New paint means new bugs.

"Not since you and Agent Scully left the Bureau," Skinner says.

"We're back now," Mulder tells him.

"You certainly are," Skinner says. "As of this morning, you're reassigned to the X-Files, pending approval."

"Whose approval?" Scully asks.

"It's above my pay grade," Skinner says.

"We need access," Mulder says, "and we need backup. We need a staff. If the X-Files are so important, there should be more than two agents."

"I'll see what I can do," Skinner mumbles. "Your mysterious benefactors seem willing to allocate whatever resources are deemed necessary."

"Who do you take orders from, sir?" Scully asks sharply.

"All you need to know is that I'm looking out for you," Skinner says dismissively. "I've always looked out for you."

"We've been led through one dark alley after another, and all of them dead ends," Mulder says. "What makes this time different?"

"The world is different," Skinner says. "Since 9/11, this country has taken a very big turn in a very strange direction. I'm not the only one who wished you were still down here. You've got friends in high places."

"All the better to spy on us," Scully says.

"The danger is real," Skinner tells her, "but the opportunities are too. You can do something about it, agents. Together. You may be the only ones left who can."

"Do we have a choice?" Scully asks. She's gotten better at lying in the intervening years. Mulder isn't certain whether he should be grateful for that.

"Do you ever?" Skinner says.

"We'll need desks," Mulder says. "And a new poster."

"I'll see what I can requisition," Skinner tells him. "Welcome home, agents."

Scully goes back to the hospital after they finish the paperwork, murmuring about test results. Mulder doesn't mind. He has his own contacts, even after fourteen years out of the game. Tad O'Malley isn't the only one with a fan base, not that he likes to think about his informants that way. It's evening by the time he gets to the Mall, but he enjoys the walk. He's missed working down here: the bustle and the restaurants, the museums and the tourists. He walks toward the Washington Monument.

"Is the hour absolutely necessary?" says a voice at his shoulder. "I had dinner reservations."

"It was important that I see you," Mulder tells him.

"We made an agreement about our meeting in unsecured environments," grumbles the doctor. Apparently working in Area 51 makes a person paranoid forever. He can relate to that. He's just lucky that anyone who was in Roswell when the crash handed is willing to speak to him.

"I can't provide a high-security cordon like your former establishment," Mulder jokes. "For one thing, I don't have a couple hundred square miles of desert to drop the facility in the middle of or a guard to patrol the perimeter. But anyone who's out here isn't looking at us. I called you because you said if I ever put the pieces together, you would confirm."

"And have you put them together?" the doctor asks.

"I've met someone," Mulder hedges. "I've seen something."

"You weren't even close before," the doctor scoffs. "Warring aliens lighting each other on fire. Weaponized bees. Every distraction they organized for you, you swallowed hook, line, and sinker."

"I was being cleverly manipulated," Mulder says in a tone even he hears as sulky. "I admit to a certain credulousness in my youth."

"And what brings this new clarity?" the doctor asks.

"I saw an ARV running on free energy," Mulder tells him. "I touched it. I saw it disappear."

"That's what they all seem to do," the doctor grumbles.

"Their scientists said the materials were salvaged from Roswell." Mulder paces back and forth. "The technology exists. And it's been in use, being used on humans, for human testing that has been consistently misreported as alien abductions."

"So you believe you know how," the doctor muses.

"Yes," Mulder says. "And I think I know why."

"That 'why' is more complicated than you may ever know, Mr. Mulder," the doctor tells him.

"I've heard that a lot over the years," Mulder says. "Try me. Sixty years ago, we were warned about the military-industrial complex gathering too much power. Now alien technology is being used against us. Not by aliens or with aliens as I believed in the past, but by a venal conspiracy of men against humanity."

"You're wasting my time," the old man said dismissively, turning away. "There's always a bad man in the shadows or a monster under the bed."

"What are the tests for?" Mulder demands. "The babies? The samples? The implanted DNA?"

The doctor squints as he steps under the streetlight. "You tell me, Mr. Mulder."

"Ten years ago you came to me, saying you couldn't take your secrets to your grave, that you couldn't live with it." Mulder steps into the doctor's personal space.

The doctor sighs. "I"m a man of medicine. I didn't know how my work would be used. The lies are so great, Mr. Mulder. I imagined that I would come forward, but I knew that the truth must be unassailable. I am not sure that kind of truth exists anymore."

"Let me tell the world," Mulder tells him.

"They'll make a mockery of us," the doctor says sadly. "They'll pillory us in the town square."

"So what else is new," Mulder says. "I've been a punching bag before. I can take it."

"These men are capable of knocking you out," the doctor says. "You're nearly there. You're close." He turns away. "You listen to me because I was there in Roswell, but Roswell has become a smokescreen."

"So I've been told," Mulder says to himself. He wonders when all the informants began to sound the same. They promise him the truth but only speak in riddles. They offer him the world, but won't give him the map. He'd have better luck with a sphinx, and she'd probably be more coherent.

He goes home. That, at least, is new, that after submerging himself for hours in the kind of paranoia his younger self lived and breathed, he gets to emerge from it and go home to spend his life with Scully.

She's reheated the chili and she's sitting at the table in the kitchen, stirring sour cream into her bowl. "I wasn't sure when you'd be home," she says.

"Sorry," he says. "I meant to text you, but I had to talk to someone."

"Just like old times," she says.

"Except I get to come home to you," he says, and leans down to kiss her. "How were the test results?"

"Strange," she says.

"But you expected that," he says, ladling chili into a bowl and joining her at the table. "Didn't you?"

"They're in line with the results from around the time of my cancer," she tells him.

"You're disappointed," he says.

"I don't know what I was thinking," she says, dropping her spoon. "I thought maybe the chip had removed the junk DNA, or that something about the pregnancy had rewired my system. Dr. Parenti told me that all of my test results were normal. But I suppose he lied about almost everything."

He aches for her, thinking of her going through all of that alone. “I’m sorry, Scully.”

She lifts one shoulder. It isn’t quite a shrug. “I never quite learned to trust no one.”

He smiles at her. "And Sveta's results?"

"Like mine," she said. "Anomalous. Like purity control, all those years ago, and all those women in Pennsylvania." She looks at him across the table and reaches for his hand. "I wish it weren't always so personal."

"Me too," he says.

"Do you still believe we can save the world?" she asks, her voice just slightly shaky.

"I want to believe," he tells her.

"So do I," she says. "I badly want to believe that there is some point to all of this, if we take up this cause again. We've come so far, Mulder."

"One foot in front of the other," he says. "That's how you walk through the desert, Scully. Or the fire."

"It's always worked for us," she says, smiling at him. "I just hope that Sveta's all right. I don't trust O'Malley's intentions. She's vulnerable. She wants answers as badly as I do. I know what that can do to a person."

Mulder sighs. "He'll contact us again. He's had his chance to influence us separately. Do we play along, pretending to be true believers, or do we reject his tangled web of conspiracy theories so flimsy and fringe even a teenager would be ashamed to believe it?"

"To be fair to teenagers, they're ashamed of most things," Scully murmurs. "It is the part you were born to play."

"We all have our faith, Scully," he jokes. "Our belief in things unseen."

"I know," she says.

#xfiles fic #xf fic #xf alternate season 10 #xf revival fic #mulder x scully #my fic #atcwm verse

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michael-radi-the-glamorous-life · 6 years ago

Text

Love The Art, Hate The Artist?

Society - particularly American society - loves to demonize or to “other” art and artists.

We deride people who create:

“Oh, you’re an artist? You’re one of those.”

“Oh, you’re a writer? I wish I could sit at home all day.”

“Oh, you’re an actor? You must love starving.”

These are of course specific examples using common ideas and tropes, but these kinds of reactions are common and probably sound familiar to you.

We tell people who want to go into the arts:

“Why would you to throw your life away?”

“But you have so much potential!”

“But there’s no money in the arts!”

Being a creator is clearly seen as being *less than,* but why? Less than what? Why would we consider becoming an artist or writer or performer or designer a path that is throwing your life away or not using your skills and talents?

Well, Capitalism.

But this type of thinking and behavior not only can be unlearned, but it needs to be unlearned. Art and the products of creation are everywhere, but we’ve been conditioned to have a blind spot for most of it, and what we do see we are told to feel contempt for. Let’s just see how pervasive art is, shall we?

Visual

Let’s begin with the category that most people think of as “art.”

When you say “Visual Art,” the first thing people think of is the type of painting or photography that one might hang on the wall in a home or a place of business. Or perhaps they picture “stodgy old art” that isn’t their taste, like what hangs in museums.

Okay, then let’s start here. Why was this art created? Was it to fulfill the whimsical desires of the artist? Was it an experiment? Or an off-the-cuff creation?

Likely not.

Visual art is meant to have purpose - it’s functional. What is that function? To provide a pleasing visual aesthetic for the person purchasing the art. It’s possible the art was even commissioned originally, meaning that its sole purpose in existing is to be seen and provide visual pleasure for someone. Is this not a worthy function?

And we - as capitalist consumers - hang art everywhere. We buy photographs and prints, paintings and drawings, we frame puzzles, we order canvases, we find indie art shops, we (for better or worse) purchase “Ikea art” - and all for the purpose of enriching the visual elements of our lives.

We adore this art - so why would we deride the people who created what we love?

And Visual Art is not just the things I’ve mentioned above. It’s a gigantic category covering things that we see around us everywhere, all day every day. Here are just a few examples:

Advertisements - Posters, online ads, business cards, etc.

Logos - For businesses, for individuals, for podcasts, for the app on your phone, etc.

Cards/Invitations/Mailings - Wedding invites, birthday cards, charity solicitation mailings, theater season announcements, etc.

Design - Book covers, the shape of a Febreeze bottle, the pattern on your tissue box, etc.

Theatrical - Set, lighting, costumes, direction, performance, etc.

I could go on and on. Everywhere you look is something that some has put time, thought, and design into. That is art. And we use this art. So why deride the artist?

Auditory

First thing people think of? Songwriters.

Not composers, of course, but songwriters. People whose music we hear on the radio. People who create sound and music for the purpose of money and fame. People we worship, people we hate, people who are publicly visible, people who acquire awards, people who fill our ears through radio and streaming and headphones and coffee shop speakers.

Do some of these people make money? Yes - though not nearly as many of them as you think.

Do we love these musicians and often make idols out of them? Yes - some of them at least.

“So that’s not derision, this a a category where we celebrate art!”

But all Auditory Art? And all artists?

You may know the singer-songwriter of that song you love, but do you know the name of the person or company that produced it? How about the sound engineer? The person who mixed it? Or who edited it? Or who created the underlying beat track for the radio version?

There are far more creators on any one radio song than we ever think about.

And where else is sound created other than for the radio?

Theatre

Film

Dance

Lobby/Reception Areas

Elevators

Public Spaces

Websites

Video Games

And what about other types of sound design?

Whether or not you think about it, the lack of sound (or even silence) in a space has been purposefully created for you. Someone said “I don’t want there to be too much sound in this space” and a creator made that happen.

There are also publicly available sounds, tracks, and effects that have been created for users of programs and apps like Musical Notation Software, Recording Software, Sleep Therapy Software, etc.

Someone made everything you hear that isn’t a natural sound. And we use these sounds to create an atmosphere - a pleasing environment.

We love Auditory Art. So shouldn’t we love the artists?

Functional

People come to New York City and buy pictures and renderings of the skyline.

Why?

‘Cause it’s beautiful. It’s been designed to be beautiful.

Functional Art is a broad category that covers the pleasing artistic aesthetic of things that also serve a functional purpose in our lives - well, other than the function of being artistically pleasing.

Here’s a smattering of what could fit in this category, just from an architectural and mechanical point of view:

Building Design

Interior Design - This goes for office space, retail space, and residential space.

Bridges

Roadways

Vehicles

Airplanes

Boats/Ships

Piers

Island Barriers

Canals

Farmland

Large Machinery

Everything has been designed, whether or not you’ve noticed.

And plenty of other types of everyday objects are also included in this category:

Clothing - I’d say this is a pretty big one, especially considering diversity and range.

Furniture

Household Objects

Kitchen Gadgets

Perfumes

Scent Products - Candles, plug-ins, incense, etc.

Small Machinery - Printers, copiers, etc.

Sometimes people argue that - for things such as scent - it is scientists who find these elements and put them together to create pleasing aromas. Or engineers who created the machinery that makes the engine of a car work properly.

Yes. And we wouldn’t dare label these creators as “artists,” would we? The products are far too functional to be given that lowly title, right?

We love Functional Art. We use it. We need it. So we should love the artists as well.

Technological

We rely on technology all day every day. We carry small computers in our pockets. We use larger computers for work and for pleasure.

And someone created that. Both the insides and the outsides.

Technology is something that was created for the purpose of being functional, but that the public also demands to be constantly aesthetically pleasing. And everything that has to do with technology was imagined and created by people.

Another list:

Phones

Computers

Tablets

Hardware

Software

Apps

Programs

Cameras

Film

Coding

Websites

CGI

Electronic Instruments

Medical Equipment

Electricity Reliant Objects

Lighting -Of all varieties.

And a billion other things. And if you notice, much of this crosses over with Functional Art. These days it’s very difficult to create something useful that doesn’t rely on technology in one way or another.

The people who created all of this are artists. Why deride them?

Experiential

Now, more than most times, humans are all about experiences.

We search out activities, places, and recreations that will provide us with pleasant environments and experiences worth remembering or revisiting.

And…you guessed it…artists created it all. Top to bottom, left to right, forward to back, and in a thousand other ways we didn’t even know existed.

Some of these include:

Movies

TV Shows

Theme Parks - Disney anyone?

Theatre

Concerts

Dance

News Articles/Papers/Programs

Books

Sport Stadium Interiors - You can go to a Mets game just for the experiences at CitiField!

Gardens

Parks

Bowling Alleys

Rock Climbing Walls

Dining Spaces

Food

Alcohol

Travel Excursions

Anything that you go to, or bring to yourself, in order to engage in an experience can be considered Experiential Art.

We fill our lives with this stuff. We discuss it all regularly. We create cultural norms and build conversations around this art. We argue about episodes. We share our favorite meals.

It’s all art. So why deride the artists?

It’s Everywhere

Art is not a high concept that can be boxed into a corner. Art is not created in a vacuum. Art is not purely aesthetic. Art is not something only the wealthy experience.

Art has function. Art has meaning. Art enriches lives. Art allows us to live. Art helps us survive.

Art is all around us and we use it every day. And we love it - we don’t put it down or tell it to go away. We don’t call the art around us a waste or time, or life, or potential.

So why deride the artist?

#glamorous life blog #glamorous life #art #artist #love #hate #deride #derision #create #creation #visual #auditory #functional #technological #experiential #experience #music #technology #aesthetic

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rkevent · 6 years ago

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MGA SEASON 4: EPISODE 5 STARTS NOW!

The weeks seem to be passing quicker and quicker. Before too long, episode five is already airing, and the highlights of the previous one show on screen. People cry as their friends are eliminated but, above all else, this is a competition and as the challenges continue, you should fight to continue as well. The lucky audience’s bright smiles should serve as encouragement to those losing hope.

A girl confidently shows her hand-made sign with Koo Junhoe’s face on it, while another says she’s a fan of Kim Jinhee instead. “Why?” She asks when her friend stares at her weirdly. “She’s pretty.” A group of men has their banners tied to their forehead instead. “Kim! Chung! Ha!” They all scream in unison as if their passion for the girl wasn’t obvious enough. A lot of others get their chance at the camera, but the video gets sped up and it's hard to see any more names from the images.

Your favorite CEOs sit at the same famous table as before. So Jiseob raises a hand to calm down the audience before officially starting the episode. “Hello, everyone, and welcome to the fifth episode of the Mnet Global Auditions Season 4.” He lets the cheering swell up for a few moments before raising his hand once again. “This week, our contestants were asked to show us a performance of a mashup. This will not only show the talent of those who decided to produce a mashup themselves but also show the versatility of all as performers. There are seven teams this week, but only one of them can be the winner.” This time, his long pause is followed by silence, the anticipation building up among everyone. “Without further ado… let’s meet our first group of contestants.”

The crowd cheers as Team A walks on stage. They’re Kim Junmyeon, Jeon Somi, Koo Junhoe, Ha Sungwoon and Bae Joohyun. After introducing themselves as team Celestial, each of the contestants gets a chance to introduce themselves to the public before walking to their starting spot. It’s a routine the public should already be used to, and quickly the scene changes to that of a practice room.

Instead of the usual start at the Sphere building, the contestants find themselves inside of Royal. The first topic that comes up is the leader spot. As the camera passes by them in order of age, a text lets the audience know each of them has already carried the title, except for the youngest, Somi. The girl seems to be in as much shock as everyone else, but her teammates all offer her support. “We’ll help you, if you’d like,” states Joohyun before extending a hand to the younger. “If you need any advice about being a leader or anything at all, don’t be afraid to ask us, okay?”

The group then goes on a hunt for a mashup, choosing to find one instead of making it themselves. They settle for a mix between ‘Starry Night’ and ‘Save Me’, going for a softer feeling this time around. Afterwards, while each person heads off to prepare, Sungwoon approaches Junmyeon with a pen and paper, obviously embarrassed by what he’s about to do. He asks for the other’s autograph, quickly adding: “it’s for my sister in Hong Kong.” Junmyeon seems to be just as embarrassed as the other, covering his cheeks before signing the paper. They both quickly laugh off the tension in the air, and, since they’re already there, Sungwoon asks for an autograph for himself as well.

Even with such an awkward first interaction, the screen shows a montage of all their best moments, mostly involving their journey of trying to learn the choreography and laughing at each other’s mistakes. It eventually gets late, and after working hard to polish their dancing skills, the two boys fall asleep next to each other. They only wake up in the morning when Somi walks in and lets out a screech at the sight.

Sungwoon yells back in surprise, jolting up and into a crouch resembling a martial arts position. He then attempts to flatten his hair while apologizing, but Junmyeon simply shoots him a wink and finger guns, looking just as handsome as he appeared the night before. While Junmyeon proceeds to finally raise himself from the floor, Sungwoon stares at the camera in disbelief. “Did I ask for this? No. Am I getting it? Yes. Am I slightly jealous God has not given me the ability to wink? Also yes.”

Later into practice, Somi is the one to approach Junmyeon with a question of her own. “Oppa, do you have something in your eye? You always… like… do this.” And so the girl starts to wink repeatedly and much more flamboyantly than the male usually did. “Something in my eye?” Junmyeon questions. “Yes, I have the love for all of the viewers out there stuck in my eyes.” He shoots the camera a wink, and the camera quickly focuses on Somi as her face contorts at the sight. She adds a new comment, saying, “but I know someone more handsome than you.” Except, the other is too busy blowing kisses to hear it. As their leader, though, the girl quickly reminds everyone to go back to practice, and the party comes to an end.

The camera presently returns to the stage where the mashup begins as a mix of two songs. The lyrics convey a dreadful feeling and the members manage to convey this in their performance. Their composition lacked on the aspect of dancing, but Joohyun’s modified choreography allowed everyone to shine. The performance eventually comes to an end and they strike their ending poses before it’s time for the next group to perform.

Team B is next, composed of Kim Doyeon, Joo Haknyeon, Kim Jinhee, Moon Bin and Choi Minho. “1, 2, 3…” Doyeon counts before they all introduce themselves. “As above, so below. Hello, we’re team Styx!” Each member holds a mythological title with which they introduce themselves individually before moving to their designated spots. Before the song can start, the scene goes back in time to their practice room.

They choose Doyeon as their leader, which really was no surprise since the girl was the one who introduced them while on stage. Things seemed to be going normally, or at least until someone suggested the name ‘Cerberus’ for their team name. It sounded cool at first, but soon the boys start barking as if they were the dog themselves. The three guys share the screen as they bark together, a quick edit showing each of them as a different head of the mystical canine. The camera zooms on Jinhee’s face as she stares back at it, obviously unamused.

Not really taking the name seriously anymore, they settle on Styx instead, keeping the mythological vibe. The boys, however, never really forget to mess around every once in a while. It either involves random ‘woof’s (or ‘nyan’s from Haknyeon) or even just stopping randomly to dance without reason. However, even with all the fun and games, they all manage to show their skill. Minho steps up to make the mashup himself, while Bin takes over the difficult vocals. With this mashup, Haknyeon can showcase both his dancing and rapping skills.

[TW: MENTIONS OF BLOOD] Just like last week, Haknyeon needs to pause his practice for a moment to stop a nosebleed. This time, however, Jinhee is there to see it happen. When she asks if this is normal for him, the boy quickly replies that no, it isn’t. “I’m really sorry. I just… need to do well… and prove something. I know I shouldn’t let it get to me but… people have been saying things, about how I’m only here because of my sister, that I’m using her fame… and stuff like that… I want to prove something to them. And prove something to myself. I need to do well, so they can realize that I’m my own person with my own dreams… I need to do well. I’ll take better care of myself, I promise.” [END OF TW]

The day of the performance comes again, and a story is set to be told. Doyeon plays the role of a heartbroken girl, while Bin is her crazy ex-boyfriend. Jinhee is the angelic best friend, while Haknyeon and Minho are pretending to be interested in Doyeon. The heartbroken heroine, however, is traumatized by her past romantic experience, and sees the new boys as only trying to use her. The mashup is nicely made, and the end of the song is impressive enough to leave an impact with only Jinhee’s voice powering over anything. Just like so, the stage comes to an end.

Walking up to the stage is Team C, made up of Jin Longguo, Kim Bora, Lee Luda and Hwang Hyunjin. Their introduction is long, but also very interesting. “Café Latte: a team with a unique flavour that will stay with you and warm your heart with a rich and mature message like espresso, and lighter and heart-fluttering vocals like milk foam.” It most certainly picked up the interest of some, and after they each introduced themselves as a different type of coffee, the members move to their starting positions just in time for the scene to change back to their practice room.

First things first, the viewers are notified of Yerim’s departure of the show for personal reasons, her figure obviously not present during the meeting. Their chosen leader is Luda, the tiny girl with a strong voice. They work together to find a good song, and eventually settle on a mashup between “Coffee” and “Stay”, an interesting choice for a performance. After everybody shows agreement, the leader adds in her own thoughts. “If we go with the theme of ‘cafe latte’ we could each choose a type of coffee for ourselves, for introductions, after introducing the team together?” Her members seem excited by the idea, and as seen previously, they did use it on the final day.

They’re a very hardworking group, which they all soon realize as well. All of the members prefer to stay overnight instead of going home, to which they give themselves the nickname of ‘team sleepover’. Even the serious Longguo breaks a smile at the comment, the moment emphasized by special effect flowers popping out around his face. Although sleep is necessary, they practice hard with or without it.

For this performance, the team decided to go with a brand new choreography made by their dancers. A pair of it involves turning themselves into couples, and while Longguo and Bora seem to not really be bothered by it, Hyunjin cutely shies away from Luda whenever they finish practicing. He always pulls away, covering his face, and a cute montage shows several times it occurs, a cute song playing in the background.

Once their final practice is done, they all cheer and clap at their achievements. “Thank you for your hard work, everyone.” Longguo says before the leader decides to add in her own words. “I know I was a bit lacking as a leader, but thank you all for helping me, wherever I needed help,“ she started, thinking especially of the choreography. “I really had fun preparing for this performance, even if it wasn’t always easy. I know we’ll do well!”

And just like that, the focus is back on the stage where Luda sits by herself in a chair. The choreography is very beautifully done, not too hard but also not too simple. It’s interesting to see when they’re paired up in couples, Hyunjin’s face serious for the performance and managing to make eye contact with the camera. Even if the chosen song was a bit surprising, they finished their performance well.

Team D goes up next. Choi Yoojung, Kim Yongsun, Kim Donghyun, Choi Youngjae and Lee Sungyeol stand on the stage, waving at the public before introducing themselves. “Hello, we are team Desolate!” They each get a short moment of personal appeal before moving to their designated spot. The screen wobbles and changes the focus back to their first meeting.

Out of process of elimination, and the boys not really wanting to be leader, Yoojung takes the leader role for the week. While she looked nervous about it at first, once the deed is done, the girl appears to calm herself down. Since the group is very vocal-heavy, the team decides to pick songs to reflect this quality, going with “Empty” and “I’m Bad”. Sungyeol and Youngjae offer their skills to make the mashup themselves and, just as promised, they deliver the final product. Yongsun seems to be impressed by it, nodding to the music as she listens to it.

The choreography turns out to be simple, and Yoojung teaches the rest of her teammates how to do it correctly. They seem to follow her well, even if the girl is barely shown speaking. Even Donghyun, who mostly keeps to himself, decides to say a few words during their final practice. “You know what I think?” Donghyun says aloud at the end of their last day of practice before the show. A large grin is seen on his face despite the sweat shining on his brow. “We’re going to get first place and make it through to next week. We’ve done good this week and it’s been an honour working with you and tomorrow we’re going to completely smash it.”

The day of the performance arrives once again, and Sungyeol starts it off with his lines. The song seems to pass by quickly, and the dancing is simple enough for everyone to do their part. Donghyun finishes it off and, before you know it, they depart the stage to make ready for the next group’s arrival.

Next up is Team E, formed by Kim Hyuna, Seo Soojin, Kim Jonghyun, Minatozaki Sana and Jeon Wonwoo. They introduce themselves as team Bangchi, a mashup of the names from their chosen song’s artists. After a moment of individual appeal, they move over to their initial poses of lying down on the floor. The scene then transitions smoothly into showing them on the floor but, this time, in their practice room.

Right away, Soojin suggests Sana as the leader, and everyone seems to agree. The girl had been yearning for the title and finally managed to get it. After a few deep breaths, she lets her team know of her intentions with watery eyes. “I promise I won’t let you down.” However, choosing a song didn’t seem to go so easily. Each suggestion came with different criticism, a quick montage showing the team struggle. They eventually find a mix of ‘You Think’ and ‘I Need U’, which the team eventually agrees on being their best option.

Mentions of Hyuna’s condition start to arise, and as the camera focuses on the woman sitting on the floor, the scene cuts into a quick flashback. She’s leaving the stage after performing with her previous team when she trips on the very last step. People exhale in worry, and then she’s shown sitting with an ice pack on her ankle. The flashback quickly ends, and Jonghyun and Wonwoo take on the role of working with the choreography while Hyuna rests.

Sana approaches Wonwoo one day, holding a box of cupcakes in her hands. “I didn’t make them, they’re just store bought.” The girl quickly adds in before revealing it’s actually a belated birthday gift to the other, a quick cut of his profile showing it had simply passed by the previous week without anyone noticing. “You really didn’t have to do this,” Wonwoo says to her, and Sana shrugs. “No, I didn’t, but I wanted to,” He seems to be thankful, and that small action is enough to brighten up the room a little.

On the third day, Hyuna gets rid of her cast and is ready to start practicing. However, the injury still seems to be a big wall stopping her from succeeding. The woman constantly asks for breaks and continues to limp when she isn’t dancing. Even when she’s alone in the practice room she continues to practice over and over again, not letting her injury stop her no more. The limp is still there, but at least she manages to complete the dance routine.

Jonghyun watches over everyone as they dance, nodding and clapping his hands when they’re done with their final practice. Soojin walks towards a camera before leaving, making a series of silly faces before leaving her last remark. “I don’t know if this will make it into the final cut but….” She raised both of her hands and turned them into fists. “Team Bangchi fighting!” The girl giggles and finally leaves the room in a rush, bringing an end to their practice.

They’re back on the floor, and the choreography starts simple as the song begins. The choreography is a nice mix of the two original ones and even Hyuna, who had to hold back during practice, manages to do it well. When it’s Soojin’s turn, she says ‘ha!’ and kicks her foot towards the camera which quickly zooms out of the performance in perfect timing. Her hand reaches for her hair and she removes the ribbon holding it, setting the strands free as the girl sings all of her lines. Wonwoo and Sana also get a moment in the spotlight, getting to do a quick session of the couple dance before it’s her turn to sing. The performance eventually comes to an end, and the audience cheers before they leave.

Team F is next, composed of Min Yoongi, Park Kyungri, Kim Chungha, Kim Mingyu and Kang Daniel. “We’re your dream! Hello, we’re One Night!” They keep their individual introductions simple and move over to their starting points. There’s a chair for each of them, and just when they settle down on their designated seat, the scene goes back to their first meeting.

Out of the two eligible to become the leader, none of them seems to want to do it. Everyone else had been a leader before except for Daniel and Mingyu. The first one tries to be cheeky and suggests maybe they could decide it with a round of ‘rock, paper, scissors’. Kyungri chuckles, but the team settles on a vote, and Mingyu ends up taking it. Daniel’s role doesn’t end there, though, as both him and Yoongi team up to create the mashup between “Just One Day” and “Why So Lonely”.

Yoongi seems to have returned to his awkward self, quickly working on the song with Daniel by his side. The younger, however, seems to always have a smile up on his face and shares his chippery thoughts. “I think it’s kinda cool…honestly I wanted to do something like this the whole show so I’m glad we get to do it together!” He stares happily at Yoongi, and the latter’s reply is a stiff pat on the shoulder which is something impressive (and expressive) enough coming from Yoongi.

Leaving the happy thoughts behind, the camera focuses on the leader as he decides to call someone. The voice on the other side is that of a woman, and a text on the bottom of the screen confirms that it is his mother. “Mingyu? Are you okay, is something wrong?” The boy quickly reassures it is nothing like that, but that something is bugging him. “Well… I’m supposed to be the leader this week. But I never was much of a leader. I don’t know if I’ll do well. If they fail, that’ll be on me, right?” His mother, however, strongly disagrees. “No, Mingyu… You don’t give yourself enough credit. You genuinely care about people and want to see them succeed. That’s a great quality for a leader to have. You don’t want to step on others in order to get yourself closer to the top… you’re a good boy and I think people see that. I think the fact that you’re worrying over being the possible cause of someone else’s failure kind of proves that you’d lead just fine.” He chews on his lower lip and remains silent for a moment before ending the conversation. “Have I told you recently that you’re the best mother a guy could ask for?” ”I love you.”“I love you, too, Mingyu.”

Later on, the team sits down to have a snack together, and after they’ve finished eating Daniel approaches his leader with interest. “So, which rap part is your favorite?” The younger points out the rap from ‘Why So Lonely’ and Daniel replies to him in all seriousness. “I can rap that.” He manages the first line, but anything past that is pure gibberish with only a bit of sense of rhythm. Mingyu offers to teach him the rap, but the older eventually just tells him he’s better at it.

The scene goes back to their stage, and they’re all sitting down waiting for the song to start. It’s a soft song, and their performance tells a story as well. The boys sing about their earning for the girls, while they all refuse their love. With a mix of using chairs for the dance and not, the song slowly walks towards its end. They all sit down again, with Mingyu in the center, as the two couples on either side hold each other’s hands.

Showing as the last group of the week is Team G. They’re Kim Hyunjung, Jung Jinsoul, Dong Sicheng, Lai Guanlin and Kim Taehyung. “Hello! We’re team Go Go Bop!” They greet the audience and then introduce themselves individually. Once they’re done, the members move to their starting positions, just in time for the scene to change.

They’re sitting on the floor, and while the choice of leader is a bit more diverse in this team, the title ends up landing eventually on Jinsoul. She seems to be a bit in shock at the start, but her skills as a leader would soon be proven as good. Their chosen mashup is a mix between “Ko Ko Bop” and “Shangri-la” which is a rather interesting composition. To their luck, Sicheng states he is familiar with traditional dancing, and so they’re able to integrate the beautiful aspects of the original song into their performance as well. Just like that, the boy is set in charge of the choreography.

Without having to wait for anyone to make the mashup, the group quickly jumps into learning the different areas of their performance. The two songs have vastly different styles, but they manage to make the dance transitions into something smooth. Hyunjung helps Guanlin with his moves, the boy still obviously struggling with the skill, but maybe a little bit less this time around. “People can see when you’re thinking about what step to do next,” she says. “Try and forget about the steps for a few moments, and focus more on how you feel.”

Carrying the burden of the leader, Jinsoul spends extra time practicing by herself. A quick montage shows the girl trying out different moves of the choreography, including her practicing how to open the fan. Her vocal practice is cut into short sections, making it a bit funny to watch. When she finally takes a break, surrounded by her notes, the girl stares at the camera as if she had forgotten about it. “Hello. Right now it’s…” When she checks the time she realizes how late it is. “Oh my gosh, I have to go home and shower and, ah, I have to leave for school in a few hours.” She still prefers to practice one more time before leaving, returning the next day with her uniform on. There is no time to waste; even being so young, Jinsoul knows that.

They’re back on the stage, and the song begins to play its interesting tune. Thanks to Sicheng and Hyunjung’s help, the group manages to pass by the dance portion without much struggle as expected. Her extra practice proves to be useful when Jinsoul performs her higher notes without showing a drop of worry on her expression. At last, the music and performance comes to a graceful end.

All teams are finished and, each week, the number of contestants gets smaller and smaller. This week, it isn’t any different. So Jiseob picks up his microphone, ready to announce the positions of each group for this episode. “You’ve all worked hard this week, and we got to watch a series of very interesting performances. It is time, now, to announce the rank for this week.” He pauses for a moment, but there is no audience anymore to give reactions.

“I’ll start by announcing the third place.” The screen shows the face of all the leaders standing in front of their members, impatiently waiting for the results to be announced. “The team to finish in third this week is… Team C. Even if you chose a calmer song, which isn’t normally what’s expected when you hear the word ‘mashup’, I think you did a great delivery of it. Your dancing was also very expressive, even if I know some of the members aren’t normally good at it. Congratulations on your third place. All of you will continue with us next week.”

Katie Lee is the one speaking next, scanning the contestants with a sharp look in her eyes. “The two teams who got the top spots performed with different themes, but each showed a strong presence on stage. The team in second place today is… Team G. The song choices were very interesting, and the members surprisingly worked well together. I really enjoyed that you mostly focused on the traditional side of the mashup by using the fans. It was a very captivating performance and you deserve the spot. Congratulations.”

The top spot is next, and Tiger JK is the one who delivers the honors for this episode. “There are five teams left but only one can be the winner… I believe they played it safe, but they had the skills to make it memorable.” He moves the microphone away from his mouth while looking down at his cheat sheet before announcing the winner of the week. “The team who ranked first this week is… Team E. The song you chose, I think, is what is very expected of a mashup, and it requires a lot of charisma and skill to deliver a memorable stage like that. You kept most of the choreography true to the originals, yet we really enjoyed the pieces of original content you put in there. Congratulations on being the winners of today, and good fortune on future episodes.”

Hyun Bin goes next, twisting his head to one side. “There’s still four teams left, and some of you will have to go home.” The man stares down at the contestants remaining on the stage, his eyes cold with knowledge. “I’ll start by announcing the team in fourth, which was once a cherished spot, wasn’t it?” He chuckles, but only the judges seem to find amusement in it. “The team who finished in fourth this week is… Team A. Your choice was definitely interesting, but, as a performance, it didn’t have much of a flair. You have a lot of talented people, which is a shame if one of you were to go home… which is why you’re all safe for the week. Congratulations on your fourth spot. You all get to stay.”

The cameras show the reactions and expressions of the contestants, but there isn’t much time to make a fuss. Baek Jiyoung goes next, her smile being a bit difficult to decipher. “The team in the fifth place is… Team B. You chose a good song, though we believed the best part of it was the ending, which is a bad thing to think about. Both of the songs are very strong, and I think we would have preferred it if it were a strong performance like the originals. If this was a composition challenge, however, I’m sure you’d all have done great. Unfortunately, someone will have to go home. The first person to leave us today is… Choi Minho. It’s unfortunate that you were amidst so many other talented performers. Your skill still has a lot of room to grow, and hopefully you’ll continue to polish it even when you aren’t here.”

If anyone had thoughts that maybe this would be a free week they were proven wrong when So Jiseob takes his microphone again, ready to finish what he had started. “Only one team can be in last, but I think it’ll give just as big of an impact on both of you. After a lot of discussion, the last two of you are Team D and Team F.” The man lets the silence settle a bit, the camera showing the faces of the leaders before focusing back on him. “The team in last place for the week is… Team D. Your performance was, dare I say, a bit boring. You’re all talented, but this is a competition and what you showed on stage wasn’t something too memorable. Unfortunately, that was only emphasized more as you performed right before Team E, who ended up winning today.”

“As for Team F, I think it’s a shame, really, that you’re down here. The songs are great, but, again, when you put it in a competition like this it’s really not good enough. There were other performances with softer songs like yours, yet they managed to implement new aspects into those performances that made it more interesting. That’s why both you and Team D were in last.” The man stops for a second to let the criticism sink in. They are called judges for a reason, after all. “Some of you will have to leave us today. The second person to leave the competition for this week is… Min Yoongi. You seem to be a good dancer, and a good rapper as well, and that is why you survived this far. When you stand next to your teammates, however, your impact completely disappears. You lack the charisma, I believe, as well as the confidence you need to win.”

Jiseob eyes the last team, suddenly regretting choosing to talk this much. “As for Team D, the person to leave us today is… Kim Donghyun. Your voice is very good, but I think that’s honestly it. We watch the behind the scenes videos as well, and if someone asked my opinion about Kim Donghyun I would have to reply with ‘who?’. Whether we like it or not, this industry also involves people’s personalities, so we can’t keep saving you for your voice. There are better singers in this competition who also have a better attitude relating to the idol life.” His eyes then move only slightly, eyeing someone else in his team. “We don’t stop there, however, because someone else from Team D is leaving us tonight, and that person is… Choi Youngjae. As stated before, only having a good voice isn’t enough to be here. From what we get to observe, it looks like you’re doing just enough to pass by, and isn’t exactly the best attitude to have. We’re not saying you didn’t work hard, of course, but people can study all night and still do badly on the exam, which is what ended up happening here. Hopefully, you’ll find a better way to ‘study’, and then maybe we’ll get to hear from you again.”

The CEO sits back on his chair, setting down the microphone on top of his table before staring at Katie Lee so that she could finish up the show. The eliminations are over, and the only thing left to do is to keep going.

To see all of this season’s current contestants, click here!

And now, let’s see what’s in store for our sixth episode!

Next week, the MGAs are to continue on with the team challenges. However, all contestants have been assorted into new groups. You may find yourself next to known faces or someone you’ve never talked to before, but you must still work hard to deliver a worthy performance in under a week. The teams for this episode and the companies they’ll practice at are as seen below:

TEAM A — ROYAL BUILDING #4003 — Kim Junmyeon #4010 — Joo Haknyeon #4012 — Kim Yongsun #4033 — Lee Luda #4039 — Minatozaki Sana #4042 — Hwang Hyunjin

TEAM B — KT BUILDING #4004 — Kim Doyeon #4005 — Jin Longguo #4007 — Choi Yoojung #4027 — Jung Jinsoul #4036 — Kim Jonghyun #4049 — Kim Mingyu

TEAM C — TRC BUILDING #4008 — Kim Hyuna #4011 — Kim Jinhee #4030 — Lee Sungyeol #4034 — Lai Guanlin #4050 — Kang Daniel #4052 — Bae Joohyun

TEAM D — NOVA BUILDING #4009 — Kim Bora #4023 — Park Kyungri #4024 — Seo Soojin #4025 — Kim Hyunjung #4032 — Moon Bin #4048 — Ha Sungwoon

TEAM E — SPHERE BUILDING #4018 — Jeon Somi #4029 — Dong Sicheng #4037 — Kim Taehyung #4040 — Kim Chungha #4044 — Koo Junhoe #4046 — Jeon Wonwoo

For the fourth round of team challenges, the theme of the week is something everyone has been seeing all around. The sun is bright and so every stage should be; this time, all the focus is on the summertime! Members are to group together and pick a song of their liking and that they think will also capture the public’s attention. The song should capture all of the good feelings of summer and pass it on to the audience.

Just like last time, all of the members from the team ranked as first will be safe from elimination, but other groups may not have the same good fortune. The live audience will have the same number of 1000 people to watch and judge every performance, but no voting will take place or impact the results. The filming location will be the same as before.

The leader system will remain for this week, as well. Members are to elect a leader among themselves who will be the focus of guiding the team through preparations and the stage itself. The leader should be someone who will be able to help others and be looked up to. After being picked, a change of leader will only be able to happen by unanimous vote. However, no contestant who was a leader previously may become a leader again. Together, all members should come up with a team name that will represent them during this week. With unity being more important than ever, we hope to see our contestants growing closer than ever — or maybe they’ll keep everything as professional as possible.

However, the events of next week are not done being announced. To all of those who were eliminated up to this point: don’t lose your hope. We present to you the Wild Cards! On Friday morning, while everyone else is doing their sound check, the CEOs will be heading to the set of the second episode with the small circular stage at the center. Any contestant who was eliminated in a previous episode may try their chance at a new spot on the show. They’ll have 48 hours starting when this episode airs to confirm their presence at the Wild Cards stage on Friday to be aired along with the summertime episode on Sunday. Each returning contestant has a maximum of 2 minutes to showcase their skills. The theme for them, however, is to show their bettered self — one that is worthy of being on stage again. Who will make it back?

Tune in next Sunday, the 5th, for our sixth episode!

MGA Season 4 episode six preview: Contestants have the week to enjoy the summertime, but it is it truly certain that no fights will break out between them? The unexpected twist: who from your favorite eliminated contestants will return to the show? Who will be eliminated with no longer a chance of return? Tune in next week to find out!

SURPRISE! On Wednesday, the staff will hand a small camera to one of the contestants, announcing this is their chance to appeal to the public. They may do whatever they want with it: you many show what you’re practicing on, simply present yourself again or maybe even break under pressure and stare in silence.

Each member has 2 minutes with the camera, and should work as a camera relay. They don’t need to film themselves and may choose to pass the camera over before their time is done, but the time for each member continues to be 2 minutes for each. This surprise self-camera session won’t necessary make it into the episode, but may be posted on the MGA official website as bonus content.

[ All teams had their introduction and performance aired. Any other part only made it to the final cut if it was mentioned in this post. Contestants have until 5PM EST of Sunday, the 5th, to post their 200+ words solos about their performance of this fifth round of the team challenges. That’s at 5PM not midnight. Please tag all related posts with #rkmga4 and #rkmga4summer. Song choices should be submitted to the rkevent inbox as well as the chosen leader. Two teams performing the same song will not be allowed and this will be chosen on a first come first serve basis.

The camera relay posts should be up until 9PM EST of Wednesday, the 1st. The post should be 200+ words long and describe what they did while holding the camera. If they did something while someone else was holding the camera it can be included as well in the solo. This is bonus content and won’t impact in any way the results of the episode. Wild Cards may not take part in this. Please tag all related posts with #rkmga4 and #rkmga4relay. After the post is up, feel free to add +1 CHARISMA to your points sheet! Please link this post as verification.

Wild Cards have until 5PM EST of Sunday, the 5th, to post their 200+ words solos about their performance at their special stage. That’s at 5PM not midnight. Please tag all related posts with #rkmga4 and #rkmga4wildcard.

When at their designated company’s building, contestants should not interact with any trainees and should mostly keep themselves inside the practice room except for meals or bathroom breaks. This time around, muses not part of the MGAs may be part of the live audience. More information about this will come in a future post.

Any group chat made as a way for the muns of the contestants to interact with each other for this mission should have Mod Bianca and Mod Mira (@luvseungjoon and @allevicte on twitter) added to it. They will be there to monitor everything, but any questions should be sent to the rkevent inbox in case someone else had the same question and so it won’t be seen as an advantage to your group.

To award everyone for making it this far, feel free to add +1 CHARISMA and +1 SHOWCASED SKILL to your points sheet! This includes members eliminated on this episode. Please link this post as verification. ]

#rkmga4 #rkmga4mashup

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shannyfishwriter · 7 years ago

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Arrow: “You Will Be Found” 09/11

Title: You Will Be Found Rating: G Summary: Picks up from where the season five finale (5x23 - Lian Yu) leaves off. Ko-Fi -- Twitter

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"You sure you want to take time off to come with me?"

"You sure you're going to be okay that it's just the two of us going?" he shot back with a grin.

Felicity rolled her eyes in response and then looked out the passenger side window. "I'd rather you come than Curtis, I think he actually gets more nervous about what the doctor says than you."

"Did you even tell your mom?" Oliver asked as he moved his attention back to the road. Her mother had been staying with them for two weeks already and things were awkward, even more than normal. Felicity had expected things to be a little tense between her and her mother given how her mom got when she was hurt (there'd been past experience to pull from) and then on top of that...she'd expected things to be downright awkward because of Quentin. Things had actually seemed to fall right into place between her mother and Quentin while things were just this weird level of awkward between her mother and her. Felicity wasn't sure if she was pushing her mother away, trying to be more independent and not wanting to be coddled or if it was something else.

"Nope," Felicity said and looked over at him. "I just...she would have wanted to come...and then my blood pressure would have been high and--" She didn't miss the smile spread across his face. "Okay, okay…"

"And she's going to want to know about the implant and get all upset if the doctor says that this is my life again," Felicity explained. "But I can do things in the chair...I think I've more than proved that…"

"You have," Oliver confirmed and looked over at her for a moment before looking back at the road. "Your mother just wants--"

Felicity sighed, she already knew what he was going to say. "I know."

"She means well."

"I just feel horrible feeling that it's so much harder when she's here," Felicity admitted. "I mean, I know she means well and she loves me and she just wants to help...and there are moments…" She pushed out a breath and closed her eyes. "I just...it's so complicated."

"Why?"

"She's the only one who doesn't know that you're the Green Arrow," Felicity pointed out.

"I really don't know if that would get me points or take them away when it comes to your mother," Oliver pointed out.

"I feel like at this point, the fact that as long as we get married and she eventually gets to meet William...she probably really won't care at this point," Felicity told him honestly. "Also, don't promise a baby anytime soon...because I'm not ready." She knew it was something that her mother would push for and Felicity just couldn't even think about that, plus she was still so young. She and Oliver weren't even married yet and Felicity wanted to enjoy their honeymoon period...plus they had to figure out how to be a blended family with William in the mix (which she really didn't think would be too hard since he was such a good kid). But there was just so much more she wanted to do with her life before they threw a baby into the mix.

"Noted," he said.

"Also, I've been thinking that we should go away somewhere that maybe is landlocked for our honeymoon," Felicity brought up.

"No beach?"

"I feel like Lian Yu has turned me off of islands and beaches for a little while," Felicity pointed out. "Fair."

Silence filled the vehicle as they drove and Felicity found that it only made her more anxious. She really was glad that it was just her and Oliver for this doctor's appointment, otherwise she wasn't sure she'd be as close to calm as she was in that moment. "Will you be disappointed?" Felicity suddenly asked, looking over at him.

"What?" Oliver mumbled as he glanced over.

"Will you be disappointed if I can't have the implant?"

"No." A beat passed. "Will you?"

That felt like such a loaded question. She had so many thoughts and feelings on it. Mostly, everything that made her feel like she'd be disappointed had to do with other people in her life. She pushed that aside. Felicity knew that she could have her life and do everything that she wanted to do implant or not. "No."

He reached out and took her hand, squeezed it for a moment before bringing it up to his mouth and pressing a kiss to the back of it. "I love you, no matter what, Felicity."

"I don't know if you feel that way when we all play video games," she teased to change the subject. He just grinned like crazy for a moment.

"I've explained this to you, it's not accurate--"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"You're seriously not going to tell me?"

"Nope."

"Felicity--"

"Curtis, I am not going to tell you what the doctor said," Felicity told him firmly. "Oliver knows."

"He won't tell me."

Felicity grinned at that because it was so true. The only person that was likely to get the information from Oliver was Thea. "I know."

"But we're working on an upgraded version of the implant?"

"Well, we have to have tech in order to start our own company, right?"

Curtis made a face. "Yeah…"

Felicity had a feeling that she was going to have to deal with grumpy Curtis if she didn't tell him, but at the same time she didn't want anyone else to know...plus, news would travel from Curtis. He wasn't the best at keeping secrets, especially from the team...and her mother was just really good at getting information from everyone. "Are you going to be gloomy until you know?"

"I just feel like it's my fault because I designed it--"

She understood that and she felt bad in that moment. Felicity reached out and covered his hand with hers. "Curtis, it's not your fault. Chase was the one--"

"I know, but still--"

"Listen to me," Felicity told him seriously. "I'm going to tell you because I think of you like a brother...who is not going to tell my mom." She let a beat pass. "Right?"

"Right," Curtis then said quickly.

She didn't want him to worry about it or fret or just go on some kind of self induced guilt trip. Felicity and Curtis had a lot in common and she knew that in his place, not knowing might eat away at her too and she just didn't need that right now. They needed to focus on the future and moving forward. They needed to focus on tech and their company. "The doctor said that my spine looks better. There's still caution against using the implant, but with more healing and more time…"

"So right now, it's a maybe?"

"It's basically when I feel like it or if I decide I want it," Felicity explained. "But I don't want my mom to know...to think that the implant is an option...because I don't know if I want to risk it." She would always have the spinal injury from when Damien Darhk tried to have them killed and she was shot, but injuring it further...Felicity knew that her spinal cord wasn't something to gamble with.

Curtis nodded on that. "It could further injure your spine…"

"No offense to your design, Curtis. We just get into dangerous situations in which the implant can either fail or be damaged," Felicity told him.

"So, in the meantime...we're just going to work on a better version?"

"Yep."

Curtis seemed to be taking that in for a moment and then shrugged. "Okay." He paused and looked at her. "But first coffee?"

"Are you serious?" Felicity asked probably too seriously because Curtis looked confused for a moment. "Always the coffee..."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Are we hiding?"

"I...I don't know that we'd call it that," Felicity stumbled. She shrugged and twirled a piece of her hair around one of her fingers. "Would you call it that, Curtis?"

Curtis looked up and had clear confusion on his face. "What? I mean, right...right…" He motioned around randomly. "Better lighting here…"

"Right…" Thea told them both as she shook her head. "Where's Ollie?"

"He's on his way in," Felicity filled in.

"Shouldn't you be like entertaining your mom?"

Felicity groaned. "She hasn't texted me? So...no?"

Thea just grinned in response to that.

"What are you doing down here?" Curtis asked. "Thinking about suiting up again?"

"Pass."

The elevator opened and not only Oliver stepped out, but Dinah and Diggle as well. "Speedy," Oliver said, clear surprise in his voice. Then he eyed her and Curtis. "What are you two doing here? I thought you'd be working at home? Where's your mom?"

Felicity just shrugged.

He sighed and then looked to his sister. "What's up?"

"I was hoping that next time you go to Central City to see William, I could go with you," Thea said. "You know, get the cool aunt thing started in full force…"

"I'm not sure when that'll be, Speedy," Oliver told her. "It's not just getting back to being the Green Arrow but being the mayor--"

"You can't just ignore him."

"I'm not, it's just--it's new...and I wanted to sort of give him and Samantha a little space so they can settle back in and get back to what's normal for them."

"This is also about the public not knowing about William, isn't it?"

That was something that Oliver wanted to keep a secret, mainly so that William and Samantha had privacy. With everything that had happened, Felicity had to agree wholeheartedly with that decision. It was tricky, though, because they all wanted to be able to get to know William better. Now that everything was out there in the open and there were not secrets or hiding between all of them that made it all easier...but at the same time after what Chase had done...there were still some hurdles they needed to surpass.

"Thea...I just...I don't feel like it's fair to William and Samantha…"

"You can't hide him forever."

"No," Oliver agreed. "But I can at least wait and then have the right story as to me discovering William later in life without making anyone look bad to the press."

Thea nodded. "Okay, okay...I just...I maybe just needed another outlet besides helping at the office."

"We still have your suit," Oliver clearly joked.

"Okay...I get that everyone misses me down here," Thea said a bit dramatically.

Felicity just smiled at Oliver's confused face. He hadn't realized that Curtis had just brought up Thea wearing her suit. She got why Thea didn't want to be part of Team Arrow anymore, but she did miss her being down there with them and being out in the field. Even though the bigger the team, the more things going on...it also meant that that was another person watching everyone else's back.

"You know what we should do?" Felicity said aloud. "Family dinner. Make it a regular thing...even if it's Chinese down here…"

"I like that idea," Curtis chimed in.

"I don't mind that idea," Dinah said as she moved to look at what Curtis was doing.

Oliver moved up onto the platform and over to her before pressing a kiss to her temple. "How are you doing?"

"I haven't electrocuted myself or burned my fingertips, so I'm going to go with really good," Felicity said with a smile.

"Have you even talked to your mom today?"

"No?"

Oliver sighed in response.

"You know what I can totally do and you'll see she's fine. She's probably just at her hotel ordering room service and like using the hot tub, taking it easy," Felicity told him. "I'll use a facial recognition search."

"Don't we normally use that kind of thing solely for bad guys?" Curtis asked slowly.

Felicity shrugged and typed like crazy. "Does it really matter? I have the skills and equipment...I might as well use them. Plus, this way I don't have to call her and have to hear her go off on a tangent...and if I text her...it's seriously like a fifty-fifty chance that she'll remember to press send on the message she typed out as a response." Soon enough, Donna's face was up on a screen and dots mapped out her face before there was a search within the Star City's limits going on. It took about three minutes before her mother was located. "Well, that's not the hotel," Felicity said aloud.

"Can we get a closer look?"

"Yep," Felicity replied and typed away. A moment later, there was a clear picture of her mother sitting at a table in outside seating of a restaurant...and she wasn't alone.

"Shut up," Thea said loudly.

"It's about freaking time," Felicity mumbled. Her mother was out to dinner with Quentin, they were drinking wine, and they both looked like they were having a great time.

"Well, I don't think we can be upset with Quentin about calling your mom now," Oliver told her. "Hopefully things work out and they're both happier."

"Everyone cross fingers and pray to whatever you pray to."

Read on AO3 or ff.net

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aion-rsa · 4 years ago

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Assassin’s Creed: What the Netflix Series Can Learn From Castlevania and The Witcher

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

Netflix recently announced its partnership with Ubisoft to develop multiple series based on the Assassin’s Creed franchise. The scope of this deal could eventually include both live-action and animated series, but the partnership will start with the production of a live-action adaptation of the best-selling games.

While there aren’t many official details available at this time regarding what parts of the Assassin’s Creed franchise these shows will cover, expectations are unusually high for these projects. Why? Well, Netflix happens to have produced two of the more notable adaptations with video game ties in recent memory: Castlevania and The Witcher, which was actually based on the books but came on the heels of the games’ success and borrowed elements from the CD Projekt Red titles.

With that in mind, let’s take a look at a few of the most important lessons that the Assassin’s Creed Netflix adaptations can learn from the success that Castlevania and The Witcher have enjoyed thus far.

Assassin’s Creed Shouldn’t Take Things So Seriously

There’s this weird thing that happens with some video game adaptations we’ll call the “respect reach.” Maybe it’s because there’s still this lingering perception that video games aren’t respected by wide audiences, but many video game adaptations just take things too seriously.

One of the first things that jumped out to me about Netflix’s Castlevania is the way that the show quickly established its sense of humor. Even The Witcher’s moments of levity lead to some of its best scenes. By keeping things light when possible, those shows managed to entertain their audiences first while setting up the next dramatic reveal.

There’s a sense of humor in the best Assassin’s Creed games that this upcoming adaptation could very well use to distinguish itself from the Assassin’s Creed movie (and other, lesser adaptations out there) so long as the showrunners aren’t too concerned with needing to be taken seriously.

Assassin’s Creed Shouldn’t Be Afraid of More “Mature” Content

The Assassin’s Creed series typically earns a “Mature” rating from the ESRB, but the game aren’t necessarily known for their violence and sexually explicit content. The rating is more of a technicality necessitated by the nature of the game’s assassination mechanics and bloody combat. For what it’s worth, Castlevania and The Witcher both feature more “mature” content such as language, violence, and even nudity. Those elements don’t inherently make a show good (just as the lack of them doesn’t make a show bad), but it’s interesting that the two adaptations share this quality.

Maybe the lesson is that Assassin’s Creed needs to be willing to incorporate that kind of content if it all helps the pacing, storytelling, characters, or other key production elements. This kind of goes hand in hand with keeping things light, as Assassin’s Creed needs to make sure it has the creative freedom needed to ensure its most dramatic moments land as intended.

Assassins’ Creed Needs to Keep Things Simple (At First)

Part of the reason that the first season of Castlevania worked as well as it did was that it offered a relatively short (four episodes) setup of bigger things to come. Conversely, some of The Witcher’s stumbles can be attributed to its complicated multiple timeline structure that often struggled to cleanly introduce a large cast of characters and effectively establish its world’s mythology.

There’s a value to keeping things simple that feels especially relevant to the Assassin’s Creed series. The Assassin’s Creed games feature a complicated mythology that even some people who’ve played every game in the franchise struggle to keep up with, especially when you bring in the present-day sci-fi lore that serves as a gateway to the historical stuff.

Those complicated mythology story beats will come in time, but when Assassin’s Creed debuts, it should focus on its characters, world, and style before trying to dive deeper.

Assassin’s Creed Shouldn’t be Too Worried About Sticking to the Games’ Stories

Speaking of the Assassin’s Creed stories, there’s a strong argument to be made that the upcoming Netflix series shouldn’t be too concerned with sticking close to them.

Not only do the Assassin’s Creed games sometimes get bogged down in the series’ mythology, but they span hundreds of years and incorporate hundreds of characters. One of the great things about the newer games is that they get the chance to do their own thing (to a certain degree) beyond the present-day Desmond Miles story established in the first few games.

As we saw in Castlevania, it’s sometimes valuable for writers to take what they need from a series while ultimately using those aspects as the basis for a tale of their own design. In fact, we wouldn’t even mind if every Assassin’s Creed season told an anthology story set during a different era, unrestricted from a convoluted frame story about the end of the world.

Assassin’s Creed Needs to Feel Like a Big Production

One of the things that immediately separated The Witcher from both other Netflix series and other video game adaptations is the investment that Netflix made in its production quality. Netflix has invested big money in its series before, but The Witcher showed every dollar spent in the quality of its production rather than on the actors and directors attached to it.

It’s hard to imagine how Assassin’s Creed will succeed if it doesn’t walk a similar path. Most of the Assassin’s Creed games benefit from larger budgets that typically go towards crafting a visually stunning recreation of a certain time period. If Netflix’s Assassin’s Creed tries to save a few dollars in the wrong places, it’s immediately going to look like the half-hearted effort some fans fear it could ultimately be.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

A big budget doesn’t guarantee that Netflix’s Assassin’s Creed will be a quality show. However, a big budget does afford the showrunners the space they need to figure out how this adaptation is going to fit into a rapidly evolving media landscape that’s certainly not lacking in competition.

The post Assassin’s Creed: What the Netflix Series Can Learn From Castlevania and The Witcher appeared first on Den of Geek.

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sapphicscholar · 7 years ago

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Chapter Text:

Maggie braced herself at the teasing cackle in Kate’s voice. She had grown accustomed to Kate’s teasing many years ago, but Alex—well, Alex was another story. “The day after you set up all those cameras to stream right to me, Mags? You wanted to show off your new undercover girlfriend to all your co-workers back here?”

“It wasn’t like that,” Maggie grumbled. “We didn’t have time, and we sure as hell couldn’t have Sam catching a glimpse of Alex designing an anti-kryptonite.”

“I know, I know. You know I have to give you shit about it, right?”

“Yeah, well, we already got it from J’onn…”

“Ah, yes, I can’t imagine the big stick in the mud over at the Department of Extralegal Operations was all too pleased with the show.”

“Extranormal Operations,” Alex corrected before burying her face in her hands once more. There were certain things—no matter how obviously staged and faked—in her life that J’onn had really never needed to see.

“Both sound true to me…”

“Play nice,” Maggie warned Kate. “Now, did you manage to find anything else about any of those projects?” J’onn had been intensely interested in Project Proteus—a fact that seemed to make quite a bit of sense to Alex, though Maggie was left feeling slightly confused by their rapid-fire conversation conducted in what sounded like some kind of shorthand developed over years of working closely together.

“We think there’s something more to Project Hydra that you’re not being told.”

“Sam’s keeping it from us?” Maggie asked.

Alex leaned in once more. “No, I don’t think she knows much more than we do—at least about that one.”

“I have to agree with Alex,” Kate admitted. “Studying the feed and her body language and speech patterns, it really looks like she’s just as uncomfortable with the project as Alex is. And, all things considered, I doubt it’s squeamishness.”

Considering the aims of the other projects, Maggie found herself agreeing. “But why bring it to Alex at all?”

Kate shrugged. “You’re certainly not the only two being watched, and I can only assume reporting to Lillian might be even worse than answering to Sam on occasion.”

“And I guess by giving me the choice of projects, she made sure that she could tell Lillian I had all the information but was simply opting to start with a different one.”

“Any thoughts on why?” Maggie asked.

“Well, they said living host, but I think, based on the numbers we could see in the video, they meant living human hosts.”

“So she’s trying to find a way to kill humans with microbes?” Maggie shuddered, wondering if there would be ways to drop the microbe into food or water and rapidly disseminate it.

“I don’t think it had to do with killing,” Alex cut in. “They wanted it to reproduce and live long enough to colonize its host. If it was just going in to kill right away, they could inject it with some kind poison and not care about how long it lasted.”

“So you think it’s something more insidious?” Kate asked.

“I think so. Colonizing a host sounds like…like mind control or something. Maybe a way to kill someone from a distance if there were a way to trigger it.”

“Maybe Hydra isn’t for random civilians.” Alex turned to look at Maggie, and Kate remained quiet, waiting for her to elaborate. “Maybe it’s for her own agents—make sure they’re staying on task, have certain ways of keeping them in line.”

“That would explain why Sam’s body language read as particularly tense when she brought up that project,” Kate mused. From what she’d heard about the anti-alien rally, Sam hadn’t had any qualms about sending off hordes of civilians with weaponry to kill and be killed in a senseless attack, so the idea that she would suddenly be concerned about more or less indiscriminately killing off humans seemed unlikely.

“Think there’s dissent in the ranks? That could make things easier.” Alex wondered if Sam had confirmation that this project was for control of Cadmus agents or just had her suspicions.

“It’s worth keeping an ear to the ground, trying to figure out if Sam and her people are planning anything.”

“I’ll listen to the tapes while you’re at work.”

“Oh fuck, I’m gonna be late!” After yelling a quick goodbye to Kate, Alex took off for the bedroom, changing her shirt and grabbing her helmet and bag before bolting for the door.

By the time the bar was closing down, Alex was exhausted. After a near sprint on her bike up the final hill, she’d wanted nothing more than to take a few minutes for herself to stretch and grab a large glass of water as she stopped sweating and her fingers and toes defrosted after the much too cold wind—an odd and beyond uncomfortable mixture of sensations. But no, instead the bar was understaffed and busy as hell for a weekday, and she couldn’t find it within herself to ask for a couple of minutes when Waverly was running orders, manning the bar, and somehow washing dishes all by herself. So she’d thrown herself right into the crowd, taking over the bar and helping to run orders out when the bar quieted enough to allow her a few extra moments’ peace.

“What the hell is with the crowd?” Alex hissed when Waverly slumped down against the bar next to her, the crowds finally quieting.

“First big rivalry game of the season,” Waverly answered, as though it were completely obvious. When Alex just stared blankly at her, Waverly clarified, “NCU vs. Metropolis. You really didn’t know?”

“I…sports aren’t really my thing.”

“That’s pretty obvious, Cat,” Waverly snorted.

“I take it you’re a fan?”

“You don’t get to be head cheerleader without knowing a thing or two about the team.”

Alex felt her brain short circuit at that image—no, nope, no need to fall for another coworker, definitely shouldn’t picture those things ever at all. Forcing herself back into the present, Alex nodded. “Right, yeah, right. Makes sense. Um, I’m gonna go get started on those dishes.”

“They’re already done,” Waverly called out, her voice dropping off by the end when she realized that Cat was already out of sight. She’d figure it out soon enough.

Eventually Alex made her way back to the front after taking a few minutes to clear her head and check her phone—a text from Maggie serving as a nice reminder of exactly who was waiting for her at home, until the end of the mission, at least. “How’s it going?”

“Not bad. Game’s ending now, and unless we somehow pull a win out from nowhere, there won’t be any post-game celebrations to deal with. Probably just a last call, then we can kick everyone out.”

Alex nodded, watching as dejected fans started gathering their coats and finishing their drinks. A few ambled up to the bar, requesting a final beer or shot to dull the pain of losing to their rivals. Once Waverly had finally shooed them all out of the bar, they split up the tasks, Waverly going to the back to take care of dishes and counting the register, while Alex dealt with cleaning the bar and the tables and mopping the sticky floor.

As she bitched to herself about just how much drunk people managed to spill and drop, having to bend over to pick up what felt like the twentieth half-eaten chicken wing of the night—something that absolutely did not get less gross with practice—Alex heard a loud scuffle coming from the back. She raced past the bar and through the door leading to the kitchen, following the sounds of muffled cries and grunts to the back hallway, where she found Waverly getting in one last hit with the butt of that old rifle she pulled out every now and again when it looked like a bar brawl was about to break out.

“And there’ll be so much more of that if you ever try to steal from my people again you—you—thief person!”

Alex couldn’t help a snort at that.

“Cat?” Waverly whipped her head around, keeping one knee pressed firmly against the would-be-criminal’s back.

“Hey, I heard what sounded like a fight. Thought you might be in trouble but…” she gestured at the scene, “I guess you’ve got it covered.”

“Not just head cheerleader and the most popular person in town.” Waverly grinned as she flipped her hair over her shoulder.

“Yeah, I can, uh, see that.” Alex tried not to dwell on the fact that Waverly had just gotten about a thousand times more attractive.

“Caught him trying to break into your locker,” Waverly added, “so if you want the privilege of getting a hit or two in, be my guest.”

Alex’s jaw clenched when Waverly forced the man to sit up; she didn’t know him well, but she’d seen him sitting with Victor and Sam more than a few times. A chill ran through her at the idea that Cadmus was growing suspicious. She wondered if Sam had seen something when she dropped in for her surprise visit the other day.

“What the fuck, man?” Alex snapped, schooling her face into one of annoyance but not fear. “You some kind of pervert or something? Looking for pictures of my girl?”

“What? No! Never!” This was supposed to be an easy little mission to prove himself to Sam: jimmy the lock, take a picture, get out. Instead he found himself covered in bruises that felt like they wouldn’t be going away for weeks, cowering in front of Cat herself.

“I’ve seen the way you look at her,” Alex growled. In fact, she only remembered seeing them interact once or twice. “You stay the fuck away if you know what’s good for you.”

“Yeah—yeah, okay,” he squeaked, pulling himself to his feet. His eyes darted around the room, clearly looking for an exit.

“You done with him?” Waverly asked. Alex couldn’t quite get a read on the expression Waverly was giving her.

“Uh, yeah. But if I ever see you around here again, Waverly and her gun will be the least of your problems.”

He nodded quickly before scurrying off.

“Thanks,” Alex mumbled, pulling open her locker and making sure her stuff was still there.

“Anytime, Cat. I meant it when I said I was here for you.”

“Appreciate it.” Waverly tapped her foot against the ground, waiting for Cat to finish with her locker. Finally she stood up, bag slung across her shoulders. “Just need to finish mopping, then I’ll be out of here.”

“What if you tell me what’s really going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean why don’t you tell me about what’s going on with all of your Cadmus friends.”

“How do you know that?” Alex had a hand in her bag to call for backup almost instantly.

“There’s footage of all of you together at the rally, Cat. And, in case you’ve already forgotten, my girlfriend’s a cop. She knows what goes on around here.”

“You already knew I didn’t support aliens. Why’s this some big surprise?”

“Oh, your being involved with a terrorist anti-alien organization? Now, see, that one was disappointing, but not too surprising.” Alex pursed her lips. “But realizing that you were bugging them…well that came as a surprise. And it looks like they’re trying to do it right back to you.”

Alex slapped a hand over Waverly’s mouth. “Who are you?” Before letting Waverly respond, Alex had her phone out, sending an SOS text to Maggie.

Alex could feel Waverly’s mouth moving against her hand, but the sound was far too muffled for her to catch anything. “Not in here,” Alex finally growled. She forced Waverly to the back door, locking up behind them even as she kept her hand across Waverly’s mouth, her elbow locked to keep her in place should she try to run.

Before Alex could decide on how she was about to get Waverly somewhere relatively secluded to interrogate her, Alex heard the sound of gun’s safety being clicked off.

“Get your hands off of her.”

Fuck. Of course Nicole would be here. Alex wished she had brought her gun with her. As it stood now, she only had a human shield, and she wasn’t about to sink to true Cadmus levels.

“Nicole, it’s not what you think. Put the gun down, and no one gets hurt.”

“I know what you are,” Nicole spat, advancing forward a step or two, her gun still raised and pointed at Cat.

Alex hissed as Waverly bit down hard on her finger, and loosened her hold just enough for Waverly to break free when Waverly sent the hard heel of her boots swinging back straight into Alex’s shin. “Fucking hell.”

“Cat Sullivan, you’re under arrest for attempted kidnapping,” Nicole growled, quickly advancing on the woman now that Waverly was out of harm’s way. “Hands where I can see them.”

Alex complied, wondering how high her bail would be set for trying to kidnap an officer’s girlfriend.

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.” Nicole spun Cat around, pushing her up against the wall of the bar as she cuffed her. “You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you?”

“Yes,” Alex gritted out through clenched teeth.

“I can’t hear you. Wanna try again?”

Alex had never heard Nicole sound quite so threatening.

“Babe,” Waverly whispered, tapping on Nicole’s shoulder. “It wasn’t quite kidnapping.”

“What? Not now.”

“No! Remember that thing—the thing we talked about?” Waverly asked, arching an eyebrow and hoping Nicole would catch her meaning.

“Uh, yeah. But, baby, this really doesn’t seem like the right time.”

“Just listen to me—we were right. She freaked out when I mentioned it.”

“Waves! I told you to wait for backup!”

“I’m not some kid, god. I’m not going through that again.”

“Yeah, and I’m not gonna be left out again, either.”

“Still here,” Alex grumbled, the cold, rough concrete of the wall digging into her cheek.

“And who keeps calling you?” Nicole snapped, feeling the vibration Cat’s Alex’s phone against her hip once more.

“Who’s to say it’s a phone?” Alex taunted.

Nicole pulled the phone out of Cat’s back pocket. “I am.” She looked at the screen, and Alex prayed Maggie hadn’t said anything that would give them away. “So your girlfriend’s on her way. Wants to know if she should bring back up.”

Alex glared but kept her mouth shut.

“I have to wonder if she knows she’ll be arrested for abetting a criminal in attempted kidnapping.”

Alex remained silent. She’d been through interrogations much worse than this before—interrogations that started with a hard slap to the cheek and ended only when she lost consciousness.

“What if they know something that could help your investigation?” Waverly whispered, eying Cat.

“Well they can talk from the back of the police cruiser.”

The rev of an engine pulling up behind the bar drew their attention, and Maggie threw herself out of the car, phone in hand and knife tucked into her sleeve. “What’s going on here?” she yelled, noting Alex’s cuffed hands.

“Your girlfriend’s under arrest for attempting kidnapping. And you, Maria Sterling, are under arrest too.”

“For what?”

“Aiding and abetting.”

“That’s a bullshit charge.”

“Then you can get it cleared in the morning. But you’re spending tonight in jail.”

Maggie debated trying to disarm Nicole before grabbing Alex and making a run for it, but she figured being on the lam wouldn’t exactly make running a legitimate business in Metropolis too easy. “I’m calling my lawyer.”

“Can you all just wait?” Waverly cried out, her voice tight with exasperation. Everyone turned to stare at her, and she managed a smile. “Just…let’s get in the car to talk where it might be safe. I think there’s more going on here that we won’t know if Maria and Cat are in jail.”

“My car,” Maggie insisted.

“Not a chance in hell,” Nicole said.

“What if we keep Cat in cuffs and I get to drive. They can’t kidnap us if I’m the one driving,” Waverly pointed out.

Eventually everyone relented, though no one seemed particularly pleased with the outcome. Nicole loaded the handcuffed Cat into the front seat, while she forced Maria into the back, keeping her gun out and pointed at her in case she got any ideas.

Figuring they were as settled as they could be, Waverly took off, driving in slow laps around the city. “Here’s what we know,” she began. “Cat and Maria are part of Cadmus.” Maggie began to protest, but Waverly spoke over her. “Sam and Victor are local Cadmus leaders—Nicole’s been investigating them for ages.”

“Fine,” Maggie relented. It wasn’t good to be a known member of a terrorist organization, but at least their covers were still intact.

“But Cat bugged their table months ago. She’s the only one that willingly goes near them, and I found a bug under the table while I was cleaning just a couple of weeks after she started at the bar.”

“You can’t say that with certainty,” Alex interjected.

“No…but it seems like a lot to be a coincidence,” Waverly shrugged, her voice light for such a tense situation. “Now, I brought Nicole in to see it one night.”

“Waves, stop,” Nicole hissed.

“No, they should know how much we already know. Maybe they’ll help us.”

“And if they don’t?” Nicole shot a pointed look at their two could-be prisoners.

“I’m sure Wynonna could be persuaded to come back to town and lend a hand if the problem gets out of control.” Nicole just rolled her eyes. “Anyway, you’ve got some pretty fancy tech for a bartender, then we caught you on the back camera listening in on headphones once or twice.”

“I was listening to music on my break.”

“Mm, but you weren’t.” Waverly looked far too pleased with herself. “I checked.”

Maggie wondered at what point she needed to call for backup. It would be hard to make two prominent members of the community disappear, but she’d had to deal with worse before.

“But then Lillian Luthor rolled into town.”

“Confidential, babe,” Nicole hissed.

“If they work for her, they already know!” Waverly turned her attention back to the road in time to brake for a red light. “But she comes back, and suddenly one of your ‘friends’ is breaking into your locker with a camera out. So I’ve gotta think that not everything’s so peaceful in paradise right about now.”

“What?” Maggie asked, but Alex just shook her head.

“And as soon as I pointed all this out to Cat, well, I got a little bit kidnapped—nothing I couldn’t have stopped, of course. But that all seems to confirm that something hinky’s going on.”

“If you cooperate, I might just forget about the kidnapping,” Nicole added, figuring she might as well back up her girlfriend. “So what’s it gonna be?”

#undercover(s)#spy au #sanvers #alex x maggie #alex danvers #maggie sawyer #waverly earp #nicole haught #wayhaught #adventure #mistaken identity #fanfic #supergirl #ao3feed

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shslshortie · 7 years ago

Text

Again, sorry for the text posts and emotional roller coasters

But I need a chronological list of all the shit that happened in the last 24 hours

So like last night both my Little and The Boy were drunk texting me compliments and loving nice things, and I was overwhelmingly happy cuz I felt wanted from people I cared about and it was great

But i was also so fucking mad at the Pokémon Go algorithms for taunting me with like 4 Pokémon that I had been wanting forever, only to have them eat all my balls and run away or run away after one try.

Then today, it was still good! My mom and I went to the beach! That was fun!

Until I almost had a panic attack in the Whole Foods parking lot cuz my apps wouldn’t log in and I had to deal with Duo Mobile being an absolute ass while I tried to log in to my school email. I didn’t have a full blown one, but it took every ounce of energy to not have one.

Then I bought a gift for my friend from color guard who’s brain cancer came back for a third time, and I was really emotional about it.

Then when I went to go try on some clothes, I realized that was a terrible idea since I’ve gained almost 20 pounds since I last went clothes shopping, and I almost cried when I things wouldn’t buckle or zip and I almost ripped something trying to get it off.

When I got home, I was texting with The Boy, and the gist of it is this: “Sorry I didn’t mean to say ‘Taking Dani’”. “Lol it’s fine, I wouldn’t know what that is even if you were”. “I dunno, taking you out?” And then I said “well you could” and he said “well where would you wanna go”

But I also said a garbage can cuz I’m trash, and I’m an awkward fuck who didn’t know how to respond without being like “date me plz”

And that was all fine and dandy, but then things get shitty outside of boyland

My mom and I are planning New Years Eve plans, and I realize how much I hate it here and how much I would give to be doing almost ANYTHING else.

Then I found out from my friend (who all my high school friends hated) that my high school friends and ex are having a NYE party that I wasn’t invited to, but she was, which made me feel like shit.

Then I see all of the snaps and posts from the guard and band in New Orleans and at Band Banquet… and like no matter how much I hated Guard, post season and the trips and away games are so much fun. And I wouldn’t have to be in Irvine feeling sorry for myself. And my best friend lives in NOLA and I could literally have just hung out with her instead whenever we had free time.

Then I had to deal with my crazy aunt and she wouldn’t even let me look at my phone for 20 seconds to check the time while I was with her, and I had to listen to her talk about interior design and her desk job for about 2 hours.

Then I got more pissed off at Pokémon Go (I still really like it cuz I’m getting all of my first Pokémon that I had growing up, but I’m still mad at Niantic for obviously wanting to make money by selling poke balls and making them harder to get and Pokémon easier to FIND but harder to CATCH.)

THEN

Then.

Then I get a text from my drunk Little (who if you’re keeping track is The Boy’s best friend, and they are both in town right now)

And he said that he got too drunk

So I asked him why and if he was okay

And he said “well The Boy and Summer were making out, so I chugged The Boy’s drink to get him to stop drinking but also cuz I had to be drunk to deal with it, but then I realized I was WAY too drunk”

For reference; that girl is the same girl that our mutual friend said “misunderstood The Boy’s personality and normal flirtiness as being into her” which is why I was cautious around him for a while. But now, 1) either he does like her, 2) he is leading her on, 3) she’s gonna get her feelings hurt and so am I and I’m gonna feel bad about pursuing him, or 4) he was just looking for someone to drunk make out with, BUT if he was… and if she ends up liking him again… like she’s my friend too…

She’s not /that/ much of a friend, like I was more friends with him and most of the other people in the friend group, but still… this could get messy if I even feel like still pursuing him.

Plus he also left me on read for a while; and my little left cuz he was too drunk and needed to get out of there. So I have no idea what happened after that. They could have slept together for all I know

(I doubt that happened. Our mutual friend said that he has a rule about sleeping with friends. But still)

Then like 10 minutes later he snap chatted me. Then he snapchatted me again after I uploaded something to my story. Then he replied to a text (and texted me again) after like 2 days (which I honestly forgot about. I thought I just stopped texting him cuz the convo didn’t have much substance over text).

I still haven’t opened them. I also turned off Snapchat notifications so I wouldn’t be tempted to open it. I’m going to when I wake up, but I can’t do that while I’m upset

I’m just like ???? Does he realize he fucked up???? Or is he trying to go on like nothing happened???????

Like I’m like 70% sure my Little doesn’t know that The Boy is /The Boy/ but like…

It’s not like we are dating. We are just heavy flirting that hasn’t even been sexual in the least. It’s all been nice stuff like compliments on hair and face and smile and personality. Or silly like with triple and quadruple chins. And stupid with Yuri on ice and fanfiction and video games and alcohol. Like I can’t be mad, but like I’m still hurt. I’m trying not to be. And I’m trying not to be petty.

Like by petty, I mean that after the sadness and anger, came me bargaining being like “oh well I’m cuter, so what could he be doing kissing her? Maybe he’s just sad that I’m not there” and like… that’s literally terrible of me to be thinking…

But also now I just realized that all of them are gonna be there for New Years Eve together and he’s probably gonna kiss her again at the ball drop :( and I’m sad again.

But Jesus Christ like I’m trying not to be so hung up over this, but like…. this was exactly the opposite of what I needed today with everything hitting the fan. Because for the majority of today I’ve felt unwanted, useless, fat and ugly, and now I’m not even worth a thought from the ONLY thing that has been good this break.

Like Jesus Christ I’ve never been cheated on, and this is not him cheating, but like… I’m still so upset because it feels like it. Cuz I got my hopes up. And like he probably thought I would never find out. Honestly I probably wish that my Little never told me, but it’s probably a good thing. But it’s also a terrible thing cuz now as I keep talking to him, it’s probably all I’m gonna be thinking about. And if by some wonder we still go on our kinda planned date, or still watch Yuri on Ice together, or even start dating… like I’m gonna keep thinking about that, or worrying if he still likes summer or summer still likes him.

and god I’m never gonna be able to sleep I hate this. I’m so upset. This shouldn’t keep making me cry but I keep crying. And like I know it’s not just about him but IT MADE EVERYTHING SO MUCH WORSE.

Ugh I’m sorry

#im sorey #this is so logn #im sorry #shut up dani #The Boy

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shorthaircutsmodels · 5 years ago

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Coco Rocha's Short Hairstyles and Haircuts - 20+ - https://shorthaircutsmodels.com/coco-rocha-short-hairstyles-and-haircuts/ - Coco Rocha's Short Hairstyles and Haircuts, a kind of creative vision Coco inspires in fiery brunette bands. The cut is a modern look at the much-loved 70s rock look. "We knew that layering and overall shape would improve Coco's bone structure facial framing bursts would open her beautiful eyes to a naturally and sharper alternative to the lob of a popular trend over the past year Oh my god girl this short bob is dried to soften the top while turning the ends slightly for a gorgeous finish. Coco Rocha's Short Hairstyles and Haircuts Coco Rocha's Short Hairstyles and Haircuts, The two squares of the face from the explosion and the overall appearance of the brightness are completely worn out. Regular decorations are needed to maintain this hairstyle. Coco Rocha's sleek and timeless blunt bob looks flawless here. This cut is ideal for showing strong facial features, especially in the eyes and mouth. Grown blasts provide her face with a beautiful frame, while the rest of her hair retains a smooth sculptural shape that crosses her chin. Coco Rocha's Short Hairstyles Coco Rocha's Short Hairstyles and Haircuts, The blunt ends give her locks a healthy look and keep her hair looking thick. The wet look adds to the Eighties feel and you'll love or hate the overall effect, but with features like this you can wear any style well. Her hair is coloured in a pale auburn shade and perfectly smooth and silky Coco Rocha wears a good retro side sweep. This vintage-inspired style relies on a deep side sweep to bring hair to fall in reverse shoulder waves but the parting here doesn't go round Coco's face enough and the style extends her face and draws attention to a. Coco Rocha's Short Haircuts Coco Rocha's Short Hairstyles and Haircuts, combative box jaw with a soft feminine fifties hairstyle. I remember working with Agyness Deyn at the time when she was the only one with short hair as a model. We all remember him being so jealous because we were pulling our hair backstage for two hours and he was getting a new haircut on almost every show. It drove me crazy because this girl just gets free cuts and doesn't have to build another blow dryer. I just remember it as a particular haircut I loved. Coco Rocha's Hairstyles Coco Rocha's Short Hairstyles and Haircuts, Short-haired girls are taking over. First Beyonce's dramatic pixie crop was the talk on Twitter last week and now social media savvy supermodel Coco Rocha has been parted at the top and swept back for a formal look and feel while following this chic 'hand-tapered head and back suit. This is a great hairstyle for those with medium hair who want an easy style to manage style with regular trimmings every 4 to 6 weeks. she has the experience of cutting her hair and on Twitter. Coco Rocha's Haircuts Coco Rocha's Short Hairstyles and Haircuts, Take a look at this quirky hairstyle from Coco Rocha. She made a statement with her hair at the Blood Cancer gala honoring Evan Sohn and the Sohn Conference Foundation in New York. She appears to be growing her hair out after cutting it into a fairy. This is a cool cut that you have as a very short bob between styles. This very brave bob cuts off his cheekbones and returns straight to the nape line. Clear lines and smooth finish give this short hairstyle a very edgy and futuristic look. The hair is ironed straight stick. So much so that her hairstyle looks almost like a wig. Coco Rocha's Short Hair A flat iron was painstakingly passed through each section of the hair so that the hair was completely flattened. When you use a flat iron on wires, remember to always use a heat-protective serum on your hair. And that jawline. Why didn't he have short hair? Rocha couldn't stop smiling while her hair was cut for this Tilda inspired look. He also decided on the mid-cut that he wanted shorter than originally intended. Coco Rocha's Hair Can we officially declare a short-haired revolution? What a good way to start your day than through the web you need to click on talking points curated by us. Do you have a story you'd like to nominate? We'll post our best stories every morning so we can tweet at @BeautyHigh #BHbuzz 1. Coco Rocha posted another new short haircut to Instagram along with the video. Do you like his fairy haircut. 2. No makeup look this video breakdown has everything you need to know. Phew is here to stay a glamourous look that will be so easy for hard Coco fans to copy and look amazing. Coco Rocha Interview - Supermodel Coco Rocha Pixie Haircut For this flapper-inspired hairstyle, style your hair with a deep side piece and then place it on the rollers to create Old Hollywood-style waves. Brush it out with a paddle brush to create a soft swung look and then spray it in place. For makeup, you can start by creating a smoky eye using grey and black eyeshadow, followed by a sleek black liquid lining line on the upper lash line and loads of mascara on the upper and lower lash lines. Best Coco Rocha images Keep the rest of the face straight and flawless, but add resistance to the thick red lip. Go for a real cherry red, as Coco does here. Or choose a red black tone for an extra vampire look. 3. Gold eyeliner. if you're not using it, you're missing it. Coco Rocha is one of the hottest models right now. I tried to do that six months ago, but in my line of work, you have to ask a lot of people for permission. Coco Rocha two ways to style a short bob! I had to make sure the customers weren't upset, or I had to make sure the look of next season wasn't going to be too different from this cut, or I shouldn't have been dropped for what I did. So six months later I finally had the opportunity to do it. Did anyone hesitate to see you move? I think he was my agent from day one. He saw my hair up to my hips and suddenly told him I really wanted to cut it. Coco Rocha Sports a New Crop Hairstyle It was really hard for him. It's almost like an older brother saying he's grown up. You're getting a real lady haircut. But once you do that you're like you'll never make a big deal again. How important it was for you to choose a short style that would be versatile. It is especially important to make sure all customers are happy. You don't want to be stuck in a corner and people now think you're just taking a look. Coco Rocha Hairstyles, Hair Cuts and Colors So I think if everyone does it all round looking for that kind of short style of short cut on the sides and giving yourself a bit of length on top. You can make it give yourself a piece of slippery oil back or curl up like a man. They curled my hair in my first photo shoot with cuts and it looked like a 2020 - 2021 style. You can make a rocker pompadour in front of you can make it look feminine and you can even make it look like you have a slick ponytail. I've seen my hair grow like crazy during and after pregnancy, and while I'm really happy with its length it's all hanging loose. I spoke to my executives at. Coco Rocha New Haircut on Instagram IMG about changing my ready look for the new show season and we all agreed it was a great inspiration for her to be Joan Jett this time around. The woman has always had the amazing hair game and she still does but we wanted to go for Joan, especially circa 1978. Back then, graduates had this amazing rock and roll shag haircut with multiple layers, and it wasn't as heavy on the product as it was in the early 80s. Another excellent reference that IMG President Ivan Bart revealed, I'll be honest, was Suzi Quatro. Coco Rocha live tweets her haircut Whom I was never familiar with. Apparently he was in Happy Days in the late 70s and then had a music career in the 80s.Ivan took out this old Rolling Stone cover with him and this became another inspo picture for Anh. Coco Rocha displays a perfectly flattened auburn brown bob to soften the top while the ends are kicked too lightly for a gorgeous finish. This cut is ideal for showing off high cheekbones and bold facial features. Bob has lighter layers with tips and will fit most face shapes as well. Coco Rocha short haircut Regular decorations are needed to maintain this hairstyle. The brunette do was cut from the back and sides to achieve a firm finish to the edge that perfectly framed her cheekbones. The blasts are blunt cut to frame the top of the face, complementing this look with Edge and precision. It corrects regularly every 4 to 6 weeks to maintain this shape, and a small amount of product is required for brightness and grip. Quiet, everyone. It's funny enough in time that I realise my hair will suddenly feel like there's no product in it anymore and I just have to start over and do it again. Coco Rocha's Pixie Haircut If my hair feels dirty at the beginning of the day, it's weird since I feel dirty at the end of the day. But now I have to make it dirtier. Fashion Week is just around the corner. What do you do to prepare for this hectic time. I'm still waiting for my vacation to start on Monday. I haven't had a vacation since last June. We're going to Greece. I'll be back the day the shows start. So I'm still excited to celebrate my holiday. Coco Rocha Short Straight Hairstyle Everyone's already back and saying how great their break has been but I haven't even left yet. Is there a particular show you're looking forward to this season? It's like a high school modeling session backstage. I'm so excited to see all my girls again to watch the shows because I'm too old now or to be in a few shows with the girls. I'm also excited to see designers I haven't seen in a very long time. Do you have a model or designer BFF that you're particularly looking forward to seeing. Coco Rocha Bangs Haircut I'm excited to see Behati Prinsloo. We're best friends. I miss hanging out with him because we used to be backstage at every show. I'm also excited to see Jean Paul Gaultier and Zac Posen. What's the next logical step when you have a pixie cut as famous as Coco Rocha? Go shorter. At least that was on Coco's mind and stylist anh Co Tran yesterday when the stylist took a lap in the chair. As for make-up she went for a crazy smoky eye consisting of copper brown and black shades that Coco applied all the way to her brown bone. Coco Rocha Haircut on Instagram The normally brunette model works a cropped platinum blonde do with embroidered tops. The hairstyle was done by Balmain Hair creative director Nabil Harlow's hands. Frankie Boyd worked on makeup with Victoria Pavon making it for the shoot. To prepare, she looked at pictures of famous pixie cuts from past and present, and settled on a cut similar to Tilda Swinton's longer version of an increasingly popular look. I love that she can wear it in more ways than she told hairdresser Anh Co Tran from Beverly Hills for a Rocha cut. I still have to maintain that versatility for my job. Coco Rocha haircut I want to play with him and shape him in different ways. Beyoncé's big chops weren't enough to set the social media world on fire, now Coco Rocha has boosted Ms. Carter by live-tweeting the entire process of her once pixie cut for Allure. With my work, my hair is constantly dyed and fried and no longer growing, so I decided it was time to get rid of it, Bright said. Tilda Swinton served as the model's muse and hairdresser Anh Co was the one who wielded scissors except her husband James Conran who made the first snip after lopping off three long ponytails when Tran decided to go even shorter on the side resulting in a rebellious Red swoosh on top of Rocha. Coco Rocha red hair There is a lot of movement to do this and it works both comfortably and in formal attire. It also makes her slim hair type look cut and thick thanks to backcombing throughout. Coco looks gorgeous on her skin and white blonde locks which trend to receding eye colour. Having blue eyes and a cool skin tone, she looks best in shades of beige and platinum blonde as well as her natural brunette colour. This particular colour accents her cool skin and has a hint of silver white on it which makes her eyes pop.

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xtremedespair3d · 5 years ago

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My 10 Year Journey

It’s here. The end of the 2010 decade is finally here and now we’re finally gonna enter the 2020 decade! Although technically the decade won’t start until 2021, but who really cares? I’ve seen people hyping “Best things of the decade” and whatnot, so it still counts.

This post isn’t just going to be a 2019 year review with what to expect in 2020, the year and the decade, but I’m also telling a bit of my life over the last 10 years, though I may vaguely remember what happened, so this is going to be my longest post yet.

Also, this is going to be my final post I’m going to publish in Tumblr, I’m quitting for good. You’ll find out why when you read this post.

First, let’s start off with my usual Top 10 (and 20) lists of everything that happened this year:

Top 20 Best Anime:

20.- Virtual-san wa Miteiru

19.- Kaguya-sama: To be honest, I wasn’t quite impressed with Kaguya-sama, I didn’t like it as much as everyone else but I did like parts of it. And I of course agree that Chika is best girl. Maybe season 2 could help me change my mind.

18.- Fire Force

17.- Watanuki-san Chi No: This one’s more calssified as a dorama instead of an anime like Virtual-san wa Miteiru but whatever. With this and Virtual-san wa Miteiru, I’m still optimistic about the future of VTuber anime because I want to see more.

16- Dumbbell Nan Kilomoteru: I really need to go to the gym again or try to practice the home exercices as shown in the series.

15.- Tokunana

14.- Fate/Grand Order Babylonia

13.- Lord El-Melloi II Case Files

12.- Ikki Tousen: Western Wolves

11.- BanG Dream! S2

10.- Quintessential Quintuplets

9.- The Promised Neverland

8.- Rising of Shield Hero

7.- Isekai Quartet

6.- Bungou Stray Dogs S3

5.- W’z: Yes, regardless of the hideous visuals GoHands has somehow fallen to grace, I really liked it so much that it helped redeem myself on Hand Shakers as a franchise because of its story.

4.- Girls’ Frontline Healing Chapter

3.- Fruits Basket

2.- Mob Psycho 100 II: Mob Psycho 100 is in a better hands than One-Punch Man has. No studio changes bound and Bones continues to deliver amazing animation that exceeds ONE’s art.

1-C.- Azur Lane: The Animation

1-B.- Kemurikusa

1-A.- Kimetsu no Yaiba: Ufotable wins for the second time in a row since 2018′s Emiya-san Chi no Kyou no Gohan series with this year’s Kimetsu no Yaiba!

All of the praise there’s been towards Ufotable with Kimetsu no Yaiba just make their other works (aside from Fate) otherwise forgettable (which is sad and I shouldn’t say that because I’m a Ufotable stan).

But, that’s not the end of the journey, there’s a film based on the Infinite Train arc happening and, surprisingly, it’s actually happening! It’s not a vaporware like the Katsugeki Touken Ranbu film or even Girls’ Work!

I’m still worried about Ufotable’s future given the tax fraud investigation, but whatever the case, I hope they can manage to clear things out and still running with marvelous projects, whatever they have in store (and literally in the shelf with the aforementioned Katsugeki Touken Ranbu film and Girls’ Work)

I had entries #1A to #3 and #20 figured out, but good lord! Figuring out what should #4 to #19 be! It took me forever!

Honorable mentions:

-Attack on Titan S3 - Part 2

-High Score Girl II

-Kakegurui XX

-Danmachi S3

-Manaria Friends

-Lupin III OVAs

-Welcome to Japari Park: This is a 2018 series but it has kept me on high spirit than Kemono Friends 2 ever has, it has given me depression instead. However, that doesn’t mean it tops the original Kemono Friends, this remains like my #2 favorite Kemono Friends anime. By the way, I didn’t know it was a two-cour series which the series got really interesting by the second-cour.

I really hope there’s another season, that teaser at the final episode has so much potential for them to not make any more Welcome to Japari Park!

UPDATE - February 1st 2020: As of the editing of this post, there’s still no season 2 to be found, or worse yet, I think it might not even be made at all. Well, it was quite a ride. F.

Top 6 Worst Anime:

6.- W’z

5.- Virtual-san wa Miteiru

Yes, I know I already had put W’z and Virtual-san wa Miteiru in my Top 20 Best Anime category, I had to include them as the worst because not only sometimes I do feel they’re kind of bad in their right with their visuals, but I’m mainly doing it for the sake of not looking like a lunatic. But there are 4 other anime that definitely need some of their own commentary.

4.- Mini Toji: Speaking of the Toji no Miko franchise, I heard that there’s gonna be an OVA based on the mobile game and my god, I really wish Toji no Miko can just die already.

(To be honest, I don’t know why I’ve grown to hate Toji no Miko if there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just an instinct or something like “I don’t like your guts”.)

3.- Granblue Fantasy The Animation season 2

2.- Miru Tights: I really wanted to like Miru Tights because it’s Yomu anime, but the show itself was pretty boring and tries to push the tights fetish so far that completely turns me off, but the worst thing yet is that TRUSS (The studio that made the series) privatized every episode as weeks went by! I thought watching the series on YouTube with English and Chinese/Taiwanese subtitles was a great accessibility for everyone to watch it! I thought they were considerate to do that but I have to take that statement back on having every episode privatized.

This is why I absolutely prefer stockings/knee-highs over tights/pantyhose, I love me that absolute territory so much.

1.- Kemono Friends 2 and One-Punch Man 2: That’s right, a tie between these two.

With One-Punch Man 2, the visuals are a major disaster and it nowhere near follows the heart from the original by Madhouse despite having some decent sakuga moments but still tries really hard and gets ruined with motion blur. Story is relatively faithful to the manga (because I do read it, unlike you RedMakuzawa), but it just wasn’t told properly with its horrendous animation.

I’m glad that pretty much everyone is saying that One-Punch Man 2 was a disappointment.

Kemono Friends 2 is obviously the biggest thing I truly hated the most this entire year. I never asked for a completely new storyline that won’t even follow the teaser from the first season’s ending, I never asked for a completely new human character to take Kaban’s spot as the main character (I’m happy that Kaban is still here but I’m not happy with her role), I never asked for Kemono Friends 2 to exist at all!

Although, come to think of it, there were like quite a lot of good moments, but most of the time, I couldn’t care less for certain characters like Kaban and Caracal and this entire recycled plotline, not to mention the occasionally inconsistent framerates in the animation too.

Both were destined to become my worst anime of the year, no thanks to studio changes.

Top 10 Best Movies:

10.- Captain Marvel: Let’s start with a little controversial. As a Marvel fanboy, I just tend to watch every MCU movie because of the story, regardless of quality and whatever, and I’m pretty sad that pretty much everyone hates it, even my older sister. At least there’s two friends I know who did like the film and it helps make me feel better.

9.- Once Upon a Deadpool: This is a 2018 release but I happened to watch it on January 2019, so I had to include this here. Yes, it’s Deadpool 2 but with the gore and profanity cut off, but it was worth rewatching the film even toned down.

Except I wasn’t prepared for the Stan Lee parts. ;_;

8.- X-Men: Dark Phoenix: I did enjoy the film, flawed (?) for sure but it wasn’t objectively bad. The way I think it’s flawed it’s because it just made me ask a lot of questions and lacks context about who the villains are, are they Skrulls or not?

(Wow, three Marvel movies in a row.)

7.- Detective Pikachu: So I’m not a big Pokemon person, but I’m sure this year was pretty much Pokemon year, from Sword & Shield, Ash finally winning a Pokemon championship and new anime series, and of course, Detective Pikachu.

This was quite a very good video game movie with appealing realistic Pokemon, albeit the pace was a little too fast.

With that said about how the Pokemon look, I think I’m definitely gonna see the Sonic movie. I’m pretty sure it’s not gonna be as great as Detective Pikachu in terms of story, but at least seeing Sonic’s new design is something.(We do not talk about Sonic’s old design)

6.- IT Chapter Two: There’s really nothing wrong with the film. It’s just as good and keeps up the same pace as the first film!

5.- John Wick 3

4.- Shazam: DC has been quite in a roll this year since Aquaman, things just gets better with Shazam and Joker (although Joker is its own self-contained universe and Shazam is DCEU). I nearly cried on the part where Billy’s adopted family turned into the Shazam family! Quite some comic book inspirations!

3.- Fate/Stay Night: Heaven’s Feel II. lost butterfly: This was truly the most chill anime movie experience I’ve ever had in the cinema. Code Geass: Lelouch of the Resurrection was also a decently chill but at times people did yell but not super loudly compared to the other films I’ve seen.

The worst part about my experience is that I was literally dying from the very second half of film! My god, I’m definitely not drinking a lot of soda very often, I even went to the bathroom earlier. I’m blaming it on the Takis popcorn we always eat!

With that being said about the crowd in my cinema, I actually wanted to get a very lousy crowd because I started audio recording my phone so I can share to people how annoying Mexican weebs in my cinema can be, especially at that Shirou x Sakura scene, but it turns out there wasn’t a whole lot of people and the theater was in absolute peace, so I pretty much recorded the entire film in audio.

Anyways, the film itself was still pretty nice, can’t wait for the third part and at this point, I probably shouldn’t be begging for Konnichiwa (the distributor) to bring it, I’m pretty sure they’ll definitely will given that they released the first two films so far.

2.- Godzilla: King of the Monsters

1-C.- Spider-Man: Far From Home: I really quite loved Spider-Man: Far From Home and because I’m heavily biased to Spider-Man films and MCU films for this to become either second next to Avengers: Endgame, the next film just took its place for a good reason.

1-B.- Joker: This was an absolute masterpiece of a movie I’ve ever seen in my birthday! The Murray Franklin interview scene is my favorite scene in the entire film because the Joker monologue where he talks about the three subway dudes he killed and society in general just really speaks to me, it sounds similar on my existential crisis rant I fussed over on Discord servers EARLIER.

Venom was also a good birthday movie I got last year, though it came out a day later and I’m kinda sad, but Joker, since it came out exactly on my birthday, is definitely a gift I wholeheartedly deserved it! I want my movies to be released right on time! I also need more villain movies in my birthday in my life! (Though it depends which character because I’m sure I won’t be as convinced as Venom and Joker)

However, even if it was one of the best birthday gifts I’ve had in my birthday, I DID NOT let Joker to dethrone this next film...

1-A.- Avengers: Endgame: My #1 most anticipated movie of the whole year finally arrived and the one I seriously did not let this film get dethroned like last year with Spider-Verse over Infinity War! Wouldn’t you know it, this film literally brought me into absolute tears, hit me in the feels, EVERYTHING!!!

The way the film was marketed, the secrecy behind it and everything, and while the film delivered, all that stuff we previously believed has all been a lie and it was quite a surprise! They did not mess around with how important this film was going to be!

But alas, there’s still those ungrateful bastards who just ruin the film with things they say they don’t like or whatever! LIKE, SERIOUSLY, COME ON! YOU DO NOT TALK SHIT TO A MOVIE LIKE AVENGERS: ENDGAME, EVER!!! I DON’T GIVE A SHIT IF CAPTAIN MARVEL IS FORCED AND BARELY HAS ANY SCREENTIME OR WHATEVER, JUST APPRECIATE THE FILM FOR WHAT IT IS, THE PURPOSE, AND EVERYTHING!!! LEARN TO BE GRATEFUL!!!

Ugh, whatever. At least I didn’t hear that many complaints that left me a sour taste anyways.

Marvel just went so far with rereleasing Avengers: Endgame but with extra minutes of footage with cut content! That really sounds amazing, and it gets better when it was a worldwide release, including Mexico! Although... I really would have loved to rewatch the movie, but the schedule turned out to be at 9 PM, so for 3 hours, I would have gone around 12:30 or 1 AM and that’s a big no-no, I would have been killed. I also wanted to see it with my older sister but she was hospitalized at the time, and we couldn’t anyways because of the late ass schedule, so we had to wait until Spider-Man: Far From Home instead.

I don’t really care if those extra minutes are rough unfinished CG stuff that we can just see from the Blu-Ray (which I’ll never get), I just wanted to rewatch everything in the cinema, but I couldn’t because of the ridiculous schedule my cinema chose.

The moment Captain America said “Avengers... Assemble!”, I literally started bursting into tears, and so were the crowd being hype as fuck! My god, what else can make me cry from something this hype?!

There’s just a lot of stuff I want to discuss about Avengers: Endgame but I really can’t just process it! This was my absolute #1 favorite movie of the year and I definitely did not let any other film dethrone it! I love it 3000!

Honorable mentions:

Toy Story 4: I enjoyed the film regardless of everyone saying “Toy Story 3 should have been the final movie for good and this is just a cashgrab” or whatever, thankfully I didn’t cry at the ending, but I’m sad that my older sister didn’t like it for some reason.

Promare: I’m seriously disappointed that Promare didn’t come out in Mexico while America were seeing the film. I’ve been seeing fan arts galore and maybe a bit of spoilers, though I’m kind of in the dark about it. I really hope Promare comes out in Mexico next week! Just as long as the crowd isn’t absolutely noisy, though I had such experiences before, but I heard that America is much worse on noisy people in the theaters when the film was rerun a couple of times, jesus...

Top 10 Best Games:

This might be my most controversial category yet because I literally haven’t played any single of these games (except for two) and I’m heavily biased towards franchise I care the most, developer(s) I care the most, aesthetic, etc., not so much about quality and most importantly, experience by having played them at all. But even so, I want to congratulate them by their existence.

10.- Persona 5 Royal: As much as I like Persona 5 from how it is, the aesthetic and everything (I haven’t played it myself, I’ve seen my older sister play it), but it has turned somewhat of a controversial topic for me, because literally everyone I know has quite some harsh feelings on the game and it just affects me so much given how much praise I have seen, so I kind of walk away from P5 nowadays.

But now, there’s Persona 5 Royal! Not only has some cool new content, but I hope it improves some issues the vanilla version has left behind!

(I only want the new content, to be honest)

I wonder if Persona 4 had this kind of similar backlash, because I see Persona 4 Golden in a different light where it just simply adds new stuff and not try to fix the issues from the vanilla version (it does but it’s not how I see it)

9.- Kingdom Hearts 3: I’m not a Kingdom Hearts person but I’m happy that the long awaited KH3 is finally out, although it might be quite divisive because of the story and its issues, but it seems like ReMind is going to fix these issues.

8.- Pokemon Sword & Shield

7.- Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3

6.- Fire Emblem Three Houses.

5.- Untitled Goose Game: HONK!

4.- God Eater 3: I wanted to tie GE3 with Code Vein, but I was eager for Code Vein the most than God Eater 3 and I haven’t seen much of it honestly, but I’m still including it here because I like the God Eater franchise but I’m not quite an avid fan, at least until I play GE2 and of course GE3. I just need to grow some interest with God Eater some more because I really like the post-apocalyptic aesthetic and everything.

3.- Azur Lane: Crosswave

2.- Resident Evil 2 Remake: Capcom’s redemption arc continues! And with its success, it’s even lead to the development of Resident Evil 3 Remake which it’s gonna come out next year, and I’m surprised that they’re working on it already.

1-D.- Code Vein: I’ve become quite furious when the reviews for it came out. The Metacritic shows that the game is average at best and people be like “This is garbage, I’m out” and my god, I’m seriously frustrated with all that shit. I waited for a fucking year and I don’t want to get disencouraged when I’ll ever have the chance to play it.

But thankfully it didn’t stop me from seeing people playing the game and it makes me more than happy that they do.

I had to go so far on spoiling myself and... what I heard was one of the best things ever, which I’m probably not gonna spoil for you.

1-C.- Astral Chain

1-B.- Devil May Cry 5/Travis Strikes Again: I have to make this a tie for two reasons, they’re my biggest franchises in my life, but they have differing levels of my personal importance.

With Devil May Cry 5, I never thought the good DMC will ever come back, after having to suffer through DmC, there was also DMC4: Special Edition released in 2015, but that’s kind of whatever, but then, shit just got real when it was revealed in E3 2018!

Anyways, let’s talk about post-release, the story is absolutely nice, they went with throwing a bit of throwbacks and it just screams everything absolutely worthy for answers and pay-offs, though the ending feels kind of inconclusive, seems kind of they’re going to be open with maybe a Special Edition of DMC5 or even DMC6, but who knows, but then hopes get ruined as Capcom announced they were done with the development of DMC5 after the Bloody Palace release, which means no more Vergil, Trish and Lady DLCs, which it’s utterly disappointing! (But will there still be a Special Edition? It took 7 years for DMC4 to get one (2008-2015))

One other problem I have with DMC5 is that Capcom might have done a very poor job on keeping Vergil a very big secret. I think it was already known that Vergil might have going to appear in DMC5 for so long, from Dan Southworth’s (Vergil’s VA) Facebook post with the #DMC hashtag, from people editing Urizen’s voice and they found a match on Dan’s Vergil voice, to Capcom outright releasing a spoiler trailer! Sure, people sure want to avoid that trailer, but really? Weren’t they supposed to treat Vergil like he was a really huge deal for the game that’s not worth spoiling at all?

Also, the game continues to be extremely stressful with the harder difficulties, but since I have played DMC3 a long time ago, my skills haven’t gone out of practice!... Mostly.

Now, let’s talk about Travis Strikes Again. The moment it was announced on the Nintendo Switch event in January 2017, I literally started bursting into tears and yelled out loud! Later in August, at PAX, a new trailer was revealed and even if it was a teaser CG video (it’s the first game’s opening post-release) and my god, it looked gorgeous. Then things started to get sour as Atkin Downes tweeted that he was “disappointed”, that he wasn’t brought back to voice Travis or something, and I was utterly disappointed, but things changed when in December, it turns out that Robin Atkin Downes was returning to voice Travis, not only him but the original voices for Shinobu and Bad Girl are returning as well, my hope was restored! (Though I was already gonna see how the game would turn out regardless)

The game came out and at first, I saw seeing Grasshopper‘s Twitter account retweeting positive reviews from lesser known articles, which I was good at first, but then someone posted the Metacritic where it has mixed reviews, like at 70 something (under 75) and I was kinda sad.

Some people may say that the game is a disappointment and the gameplay is repetitive, and boy, I don’t give a SHIT about what these fuckheads (see what I did there?) say about the game. Though I still have yet to experience the gameplay myself (chances are that I wouldnt really find it repetitive. Pretty much every game is. Uh, hot take), but when I watched walkthrough videos of the entire game, the Travis Strikes Back segments (a visual novel-inspired segment) are what brought me ABSOLUTE HOPE for the game overall, the story pretty much has! The lore and everything that explains what happened a little with Travis’s disappearance from Santa Destroy, he’s even got kids with Sylvia, Badman’s origin story from Badman Strikes Back from the DLC, EVEN THE EASTER EGGS LIKE FUCKING MONDO ZAPPA FROM KILLER IS DEAD, ALL THE EFFORTS SUDA PUT INTO THIS IS JUST AN ABSOLUTE LOVE LETTER FOR ME AS A NO MORE HEROES FAN (And for general Suda fans too, though I’m not the most hardcore Suda fan as I haven’t played The Silver Case and other games to understand the references).

The second patch of the game came and there’s a brand new opening featuring Killer7! And this just changes the No More Heroes Universe, no, the Sudaverse!

My god, there’s a lot of stuff I want to say but can’t process, but let me just say this: Even if you didn’t like the game, or you find it disappointing, you’re wrong! The story and the lore should be the biggest redeeming factor of Travis Strikes Again!

Just when I thought I want to get a Switch to play Travis Strikes Again, a few months later, a rerelease of the game with all of the DLC for PS4 and Steam came out in October and oh boy, that gives me a huge opportunity to play the game, either on my shitty ass laptop or in my PS4 (which I finally got it after so long and I’ll later explain why)! I really hope it goes the same for No More Heroes 3--WHICH BY THE WAY, there was a bit of problem around Travis Strikes Again where people thought NMH3 was going to be sequel bait when Suda said that if TSA sold well, the development for NMH3 would start, but I didn’t care if it was a problem or sequel-bait or not, I just wanted people to buy this game as much as possible, especially when the post-credits scene straightup teased NMH3!

One other thing I find it weird about TSA’s existence, is that Suda says that this isn’t much of a numbered sequel or a spin-off, I don’t really get what Suda means on what TSA is, but I’m still treating it as a sequel storywise, considering that NMH3 takes place after TSA. The post-credits scene definitely doesn’t mess around!

Then E3 2019 came and... NO MORE HEROES 3 IS A REALITY! IT’S DEFINITELY HAPPENING AFTER 9/10 YEARS!!! I’M REALLY GLAD TRAVIS STRIKES AGAIN GOT SOLD WELL ENOUGH TO MAKE NMH3 HAPPEN, AAAAAAA, I’M SO HAPPY!!!!! I NEED A SWITCH TOO!!! THOUGH I DO WISH THE GAME WILL COME OUT ON PS4 TOO, BUT AT THE MOMENT, I WANT TO GET A SWITCH FOR NMH3!!!!

Anyways, I’m done discussing Travis Strikes Again.

I put these two games as a tie for big reasons: They’re both my favorite franchises I hold dear the most (though I absolutely hold NMH at the very bottom of my heart more than DMC), both games are fighting between their pros and cons, one I definitely have played (DMC5) and one I haven’t (TSA)...

Let me point out their pros and cons real quick:

Devil May Cry 5:

Pros:

Amazing gameplay and graphics.

Amazing soundtrack.

Amazing story with neat throwbacks.

Cons:

Development finished, so don’t expect any more DLC.

Travis Strikes Again:

Pros:

Story that’s a much bigger love letter, helps explain what happened to certain characters after NMH2, etc. And even features Suda51 easter eggs.

Two DLC expansions than DMC5 will ever have.

Cons:

Kind of whatever gameplay. (for other people, not for me)

I do think Travis Strikes Again is much better in terms of content than DMC5 but it’s kind of a debate. They’re still amazing games regardless!

1-A.- Death Stranding: A Hideo Kojima Game = Instant #1 winner. And perhaps this is the most surprisingly divisive Kojima game I’ve ever seen in my life (Perhaps more or less divisive than Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain), at least with the reviews alone (At least in America, Europe and Japan have 9s, 10/10s), that doesn’t stop from seeing quite some cultural impact already, memes, fan arts and stuff.

I’m disappointed that it didn’t win Game of the Year in The Game Awards because obviously it’s such a big game, though not everyone really cares and it makes me sad, at least it’s still won some awards and won GOTY in other not-so relevant award shows.

The game is pretty much filled with an excellent gameplay, with a bit of realism where you trip yourself with rocks and everything, the game is filled with quite some originality, the actors, easter eggs, pretty much the most ambitious Kojima game ever and I’m having a damn fun with it!

As of the writing on December 28th, the day before I just beat episodes 4 and started episode 5, so it seems like I’m still long ways off on finishing the rest of the game and I still haven’t finished through the story (which I don’t find it confusing, by the way).

Part of the gameplay definitely reminded me of Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain, the controls and everything felt familiar and it was really neat, even if it’s something for a completely original IP, part of the gameplay was still familiar with some MGSV vibes.

For those of you who think that Death Stranding is a disappointment or whatever (looking at you WatchMojo and everyone else), you are absolutely dead wrong! I don’t know what kind of Kojima game you definitely expected to be so bad but turned out to be something else, just get out of here and try to focus on something else, maybe you’re better off with seeing Kojima things with Metal Gear! Death Stranding definitely isn’t for everyone alright, especially for assholes like you!

I definitely expected Death Stranding to come out on 2020, but I enver thought it might already come sooner in November 2019 (Although Kojima did tease it might come out in the “year of Akira” (being 2019), so I guess I should have seen that coming, I completely forgot about it). Kojima has come a really long way with making his new studio, hiring people, finding studios to cooperate and make Death Stranding, everything in just 4 years and it was amazing for him and his team to put all of their efforts when it comes to making this and the wait was definitely worth it!

Honorable mention:

Custom Order Maid 3D2 English version: I had played the Japanese version before and I see there was a trial version for the English version. I hadn’t really thought it was gonna be an actual thing until I started seeing a Custom Maid Twitter artist retweeting a tweet of a Japanese gaming news site that the page for Custom Order Maid 3D2 was live.

Things around the English version of the game are relatively fine, but that is until the CR shop maintenance, talks about how to improve it, and even considering outlandish requests people make which aren’t on the original Japanese version of the game, the kind of original content just screams a huge insult for the Japanese Custom Maid community. Shit gets worse when the people I have talk with can’t even access the Steam page!

With all of the content that’s way behind and everything, I decided to go back to playing the Japanese version (especially when I found a torrent of CM3D2 + COM3D2 with all of the DLC until Spring 2019 or something). Except that given that it has way too much content, it’s so fucking slow for my laptop. But at least I’ll use the JP version for making characters and screenshots and I’ll play the English version for the campaign.

Whatever brand new original items might end up being, I hope they might be interesting enough for me to start begging for them to come out on JP so hard.

Alright, here’s a non-biased GOTY list with new releases that I HAVE actually played and some older games too.

3.- English Custom Order Maid 3D2

2.- Death Stranding

1.- Devil May Cry 5

Honorable mentions (Older games):

Valve games: Half-Life, Portal and Left 4 Dead games.

VA-11 HALL-A: I’ll explain the story of how I came to play this game later down the line.

Saya no Uta: Steam release. I know I probably shouldn’t rely on official Steam releases and go for the fan made translations especially when they don’t have the adult content, but the thing is I didn’t have trouble buying the adult patch, and it was super cheap too. Besides, I don’t have any trouble with the translation so far, even if I don’t really speak Japanese, even if the little I know I definitely understand with the official English translation, so I’m not really dumb.

Melty-Blood: This is the first fighting game I have played for a bit in a long time when I’ve grown to be less of a fighting games person. I haven’t played the story campaign nor I would want to right now because I’m going to save it until I play Tsukihime just so I can understand some characters and other things.

There, you happy? (I’m definitely not using this non-biased list at all and honestly, it’s a hard tie between DMC5 and Death Stranding because I love these games right now)

Anyways...

Dishonorable mention:

Left Alive: I’m not really mad about how bad it is, but it sure looks quite unplayable. How did the developers even get away with making a broken game like this? The only things I can appreciate this game is how good it looks (at least on still), and of course the Yoji Shinkawa art.

Instead of doing a traditional review focusing on 2019 alone, I’m going to explain my journey I went through for the last 10 years, of course I’ll review the year 2019 in there, and after that, my resolutions and what awaits me in 2020. I may not remember everything, I only remember the biggest parts of my life.

Worst game:

YIIK: A Postmodern RPG: Every time I look at the game, mainly from the writing, I can’t help but think the game just gives me an existential crisis, because if I pull some shit like how they referenced a real life death of someone and among other ludicrous things, I think I’m definitely walking away from joining the industry and for my creativity to exist.

Bonus

Song of the year

“P.S. RED I” by TK from Ling Tosite Sigure: Spider-Verse was a 2018 film, but it didn’t release in Japan until March 2019 and what better way to promote the movie is having a kick-ass theme song by TK! Seriously, ever since I’ve been seeing the Japanese trailers and I heard a portion of the song, I was absolutely eager to check the full song, and once I started listening to it, I couldn’t stop listening non-stop! I’m not sure if it’s actually featured in the movie, but even if it’s not, at least this song is still something!

Ling Tosite Sigure (The entire band) also made another Spider-Man song this time for Spider-Man: Far From Home titled “Neighbormind”. With these two songs, I want TK/Ling Tosite Sigure to make Spider-Man songs forever!

Sorry, Devil Trigger, even if Devil May Cry 5 is a 2019 game, you already came out last year.

Artists of the year

(NSFW content warning)

Ogata Tei: I sure am super fixated on Ogata Tei’s Childhood Friend series because at the beginning of the year, I really couldn’t care much for his new works, but until Summer, my spirit has been lifted where Ogata is still delivering more of the series, not just once but twice in two Comikets in a row! I seriously can’t wait for more Childhood Friend series to come out and buy every single one of the doujins! (If possible, I also wish Ogata Tei wouldn’t be so slow with the DMM FANZA releases because the previous two doujins took about a year for them to come out digitally) (Also, please, I’m not a stalker)

Hinosuna: This one is truly the best Custom Maid 3D2 artist I’ve ever seen and met, not only he makes amazing futanari CM3D2 pictures and he’s quite a gamer too. He’s also the first Custom Maid person to make collab pictures with my characters and he did some in July and for my birthday, and he event went so far for gifting me VA-11 HALL-A on my birthday and boy, that was one of the best surprises I’ve ever gotten in my life!

I’m really sorry, Souryu, no more Kouiunogaii, not worth mentioning you here.

(This is probably gonna be the last time I’m going to do this category)

And now, we’re finally done talking about our Top categories! Now let’s finally start talking about a bit of my life in the last 10 years, and then my 2019 review and what to expect in 2020!

2009: Let’s start off with a little silly but upsetting, this was the year where I made my definitive Roblox account. I have played Roblox like a year or two prior as a guest but I finally started to play as a full account or something. I’ve always been making like a few but I wasn’t getting satisfied with them, probably because the usernames had really long numbers, e-mail or password, something like that, but then one of the usernames with really long numbers stood out, and I decided to make into the Brandon2126 account, I played it non-stop until I stopped playing Roblox for good in 2013 the moment I got my PC fixed for like the 5th or lost count for how many times my old computer kind of got messed up, but this one had finally has Windows 7 Home Premium and my sister was like “No Roblox.”, and it magically made me stop playing Roblox anymore. And in the process where I was making the accounts, I was genuinely being yelled at and beaten and even threw water on me in the process... yeah.

There’s another bad memory in 2009 I have, and it’s where I was watching Life in Portal: Madness on Newgrounds, this predates Avengers: Infinity War with the most ambitious crossover 10 years ago, but for some reason, this kind of encouraged me because I kind of hated how they killed Eddsworld (or just Tom), my mom started talking to me and at some point, I yelled at her to the point that I legit made her cry... yeah... this was probably like the first time, even at almost 10 years old at the time, I was becoming a human trash like I partially become today...

Okay, what a lovely way to start my 10 year journey from 2009 with some bad memories, but now we’re moving on to the next years with short but good memories... that is until you reach 2012 or 2013.

2010: I don’t really remember much of what happened this year, but the only thing I remember is that in Halloween (October 30th or 31st), I went to an anime convention with my older sister, it was really neat but then I saw a booth with a screen playing Highschool of the Dead, and the one frame I remember is the bloody floor from episode 2.

I wish I can go to these local conventions very often but at the same time I tend to think how kind of cheap and poorly made are by my city’s standards or something...

2011: This was the year where I started to finally get gaming consoles, starting with the PSP Go, and it’s where I first started playing Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker, and I believe this was my genuine first Metal Gear game I started playing. I grew up with Metal Gear with Egoraptor’s Awesome series but I definitely haven’t played any of the games at all.

2012: I vaguely remember what happened to me or what were the most special things that happened and did, but all I can remember is that I’ve had some really bad problems with DeviantArt. Going by BMT2126StudiosMK, I had some seriously bad behavior during those times, to the point where I was kind of like straight-up method acting or something like that, and thinking about it just grosses me out and wish I can go back in time to stop myself for how I was back then.

2013: My problems with DeviantArt start to get much worse when this shit happened. Geez, 13-14 year old me was the absolute worst, ever.

That aside, ever since I played Metal Gear Rising, I can’t help but think that the game has gave me so much inspirations for the projects I want to make, it pretty much boosted my creativity in terms of the weapons, the technology, everything else in MGR.

2014: This year was my worst yet. It started with one of the best moments of my life early that year, because I get to watch Highschool of the Dead in my own cable TV with my older sister. I happened to notice that HOTD was coming to Mexican TV from a Facebook group about people who want to change Cartoon Network LA by removing the censorship and every other crap the channel has, if it weren’t from that group, I wouldn’t have ever known about it.

But in a few months later (I forgot specifically when), one night, I was watching La Sopa (Mexican version of The Soup), and when it was on commercial break, I checked my Twitter a bit, but when the show was back on, my sister came back and spotted me using Twitter, she yelled and then I ran away to my bedroom upstairs... There’s a lot that happened after that and either I can’t remember or I don’t really want to talk about it. Anyways, long after this happened, my family scolded me for who knows how many times I’ve been through this hell, the following weeks I’ve spent my life trying to make alternate accounts just so my sister won’t notice, but she ultimately has.

2015: This is where I finally started to become independent, like I was finally free from using my computer right next to my older sister, it happened like early in the year where I got to watch anime on my own and then watching seasonal anime ever since, starting with the Kancolle anime. (Regardless of what everyone says about it nowadays, I still enjoyed it)

2016: Here is where starting with Batman v Superman is where I had a hatred for critics. Every time a movie came out, they’re rated as trash, but when I saw them, they’re not really trash at all.

2017: This year has become my breaking point and I turned into the person I am today, someone with an absolute vendetta against opinions, I even had to make a post about my problems with them nowadays.

2018: You already know by now what a painful year 2018 was, and I can’t even bother to transcribe pretty much what happened, so I’ll leave my review here.

There were a couple of great moments, but the majority were painful moments after another, but still some positive ones somewhere.

If all my stories from all these makes make you disgusted at me as a human being, you’d better stop getting along with me now.

2019

Alright, time to finally discuss everything that happened to me this year and before we do that, let me give you a small headline of the year overall:

2019 is just as bad, if not, MUCH MUCH WORSE than 2018

Life continues to be a dumpster fire to the point where I’d really like to time travel and just stop everything. one can only dream. Anyways, let’s discuss why 2019 was my worst year yet, starting with:

The worst moments that drove me insane and nearly destroyed my life

For starters, the first two months were a hell of a rough start with my usual problems with my obsession with personal opinions and lack of progress in my novel; as for the latter, I had my older sister give me feedback on a few elements, but she later suggested me some ideas I’m not super comfortable at all, like not using real locations, nationalities, etc., literally make the entire world of my novel fictional, I had told her to not make me ruin my baby any further, she replied “good luck”, so I gave up on talking to her on my project for good.

Then in late March, one of the most heartbreaking incidents I’ve ever witnessed was that artist LOLICEPT and all the harassment he went through by one or two people thinking that one of his pictures was a poorly timed joke for the earthquake. I wasn’t aware of this until I saw hews tweeting about it, I was wondering what’s going on and I was looking at replies of that tweet hews made about LOLICEPT.

Then, I started tweeting thanking hews about a bit of context, while he wasn’t like 100% sure first, I thought that it was still something of a clue. Someone got in our conversation saying that they’re writing a thread of what’s happening and I was on board with the idea, I waited a little while and the document went live, I read the whole thing and I couldn’t help but feel heartbroken about what happened.

There was like a lot of shit that happened, but later on, I noticed that LOLICEPT was still active on Pixiv under a new name: Belko, he started like a day after the incident happened and deleted his old LOLICEPT accounts and I was late into that. Then on May, I noticed that he had a Twitter too, I thought he wouldn’t return to Twitter anymore but now he has, now my life seeing LOLICEPT again, even with a new name, is all I need, and I’m glad he’s still drawing which it’s the most important thing... although I have a complaint and I made a thread about it, but regardless, I’m glad he continues to draw, that’s it.

Now, there’s another issue that happened to another artist, I saw this tweet where it was an artist named kun0 and his girlfriend insulting DreamNekoTV’s art style live on Twitch, and that is not something you should do, you do not criticize artists like that. As someone who hates criticizing art and artists (well, I do have my rights to criticize whatever they make sometimes, I vent them out on my private server, but I do have a rule of NOT criticizing right AT them or anything; Okay, maybe art critique should still exist, but not like this, okay?), I just really can’t stand people criticizing whoever artist and their art style and stuff, because, well, that’s their art style and they all try their best (that is part of why I was never fond of the Saberface jokes on the Fate/Type-Moon community, same face disorder jokes is not something that should be ridiculed). This backlash was very big that not only fans, but even creators like Jacksepticeye, DrLupo, Joey The Anime Man, and many others have expressed disgust over this, and with that, DreamNekoTV has gained over 40k followers at the time (Right now she sits at ???k at the time of uploading this post).

So 2019 wasn’t the best year for artists.

With the kun0 controversy, I wish it had a much MUCH bigger impact, not only for the art community, but like the entire world as well, for non-artists like the creators I mentioned above have expressed.

But wait, things get a lot WORSE in the art community!

An artist under the name @Naju075 made this picture of Nessa and there’s nearly a thousand comments, most of which are people talking shit about “neSSa iS nOt BlAck eNOugH” or something like that, then there’s people who of course defend the artist, telling the artist to ignore the haters and even a meme of the art police who think they are vs who they are in reality (the former is they’re being like normal cops and “making things right” and the latter they’re straight-up clowns). This kickstarted a running gag amongst the art community where artists would occasionally make pictures of Nessa with intentional different color skins, including one from BOW with a rainbow Nessa, and even one from hews with a completely white Nessa intended to bait.

But that isn’t the worst of all, the next thing I’m going to discuss is the grandest worst thing from the art community yet:

Tutorial artist Manga Materials had posted a “Difference on a beginner and a pro’s line strokes” tutorial (which you can see on her Pixiv Fanbox now), this had caused controversy by a couple of assholes (Here are the culprits compiled by Andyface) were harrassing her because they thought her tutorial was “offensive” for the “beginner/pro” part. This harrassment was so bad that Manga Materials herself lead to close her English Twitter account for good, and she’ll continue doing tutorials on her Pixiv Fanbox account. She still has her Japanese Twitter account but she’s taking a break from it for a while and continue her work on Fanbox.

(Messages from her Fanbox: 1, 2. (Even though that second one is similar, but there’s still a different message in there))

This was the second artist scandal that pissed me off so grandly, it breaks my heart seeing artists suffering like this. I wish I could continue supporting her and see her tutorials, but I hate Pixiv Fanbox because it won’t let me use my debit card, and her subscriptions can be... quite expensive to say the least.

Like the LOLICEPT incident, as I mentioned that Manga Materials had deleted her Twitter, I don’t want to judge her decision, especially for a very sensitive person, I just would really like to see her pictures archived or anything. We’re going back to square one with the archive thing I mentioned with LOLICEPT above. (I wouldn’t like to be repetitive)

There’s another artist controversy that happened on early July, but it isn’t much about harrassment, it’s about plagiarism. Sky-Freedom had posted an Oneshota series titled “Rich Thots” starting on January this year (or late December because there are some pictures that Sky-Freedom hasn’t posted on Twitter; and the series wasn’t explicitly called Rich Thots, but the first pictures had “rich_thots” as the filenames so people took that as the series’ name), I never got to see the NSFW pictures from his Patreon until late June, I managed to save every picture right on time. Then, on July 1st, I checked my mail and I saw a picture Sky-Freedom posted, then I visited his Patreon... and every single of the JK oneshota pictures are gone. Sky released his apology and I was utterly shocked. It turns out that the first picture Sky made was a straight-up copy from a similar picture made by an artist called Shinjiro (@shnr2626/@shnjr4545). To think that Sky-Freedom himself would copy from another artist... This is hard to believe.

I want to keep supporting Sky-Freedom, but at the same time, I don’t want to anymore. Not because of the fact he plagiarized, I want to keep supporting him but I can’t even bother to care for his other content, such as Tejina Senpai and Azur Lane doujins which he sold at C96 like fire.

I wanted to ask Sky and Shinjiro about it but Shinjiro blocked me on Twitter (at least he blocked me from his talk account, I’m still following his art account fine), my obsession was so great that I even went so far on making a Twitter account (It was originally @JKOneShota but I changed it to @SkyOneShotaFan to be more a direct reference to being a Sky-Freedom JK oneshota fan account) to try to spread word and try to make both artists to communicate each other a lot more with the help of my feedback as to what I believe in the pictures themselves, unfortunately the account hasn’t met my expectations on spreading word and everything like I wanted, I want to delete the account now but I’ll leave it for historical purposes, even though it was meaningless. At least it serves as an informative account or something.

August 28th, 2019, the shnjr4545 Twitter account posted a new tweet, I signed in the Save Rich Thots Twitter account and spammed “ JKおねショタを復活させる” (Revive JK Oneshota) to that tweet, as well as the previous one (Seeing this image just adds fuel to the fire on the controversy) and... got blocked. I thought this was a pure art account and didn’t give a crap on people, yet here I am. 😂

So, yeah, Shinjiro pretty much doesn’t want you to talk about the Rich Thots series at him, or else he’ll block you. Don’t asking him anything about it, just stay silent.

But wait, after all that ranting with Sky-Freedom vs Shinjiro over Rich Thots, on October 7th, Sky-Freedom has revived the Rich Thots series and OH MY GOD, I COULDN’T HAVE BEEN HAPPIER. My heart and faith on Sky-Freedom has completely restored! (So much for that “protest” account. Although from October 7th to November 18th was kind of disappointing but I hope the next few weeks will start to get better. Even with the two new onee-sans featured lately, I wish Sky can reuse the other three girls before the plagiarism bullshit. At least change the two black haired girls a little bit and the blonde gyaru is 100% original)

Another thing I want to talk about artists is how at least two of them have been driving me insane with their art block. Moisture and sub_res, but the latter is the absolute worst). There isn’t really much to talk about with Moisture other than he just complained a lot about his “inability” to draw and stuff, I forgot when it happened but at least he’s stopped complaining. Now, moving on to sub_res and boy, I seriously hate this guy now. He complained literally every single day about his art block, his inability and all that stuff and no matter how many people tell him his art is fine and all that, sub is very neglective about listening to his fans and everything. He’s still going and at this point I really don’t want to follow him anymore if he continues to whine like that.

I seriously shouldn’t underrestimate the struggles artists have because I’m an expectator, but even if I’m a hobbyist artist, I do have my struggles to, but I do deal with them, I’m more confident with whatever I draw than sub does, especially when I don’t have such a mentality when I see some fine ass drawings as utterly shit (well, sometimes but most of the time not really) like sub.

There’s yet another artist drama around early November with artist Piukute062. It all started with him uploading this NSFW looking picture which it became the loading screen for the English version of Azur Lane. When I saw this picture, I thought it was super hot, but it was NSFW enough to be in a Azur Lane loading screen contest, and it happened... but only for an extremely short period.

As soon as the loading screen went live, it got removed out of the blue. Then a day later when Piukute posted a WIP for his next art piece, he stated that it got removed for the R-17 art, which it was expected because I always thought it was NSFW enough to be in the contest, but at the same time it sucks that it got removed. Two days later, he released an apology note to put an end to this drama for good.

Now, I’m glad that he’ll continue to do artwork for Azur Lane, whether fan arts or official, and he’s learned from this drama, but to be honest, I’m kind of conflicted about this...

Seriously, 2019 wasn’t the best year for artists.

Anyways, sorry for dragging all my talk with art and artists, but this shit matters for me as I’m more of a hobbyist artist. Anyways, let’s move on to even worse things that happen in real life.

On May 22nd, I went to Walmart with my mom and older sister, I find the Matchbox Jurassic World cars I wanted to buy, and we did, but when we were checking our bags when we were about to leave and pick the taxi, the cars went missing and we went rushing on searching for them, then a man came and and asked for the cars, and we were glad that this man came to give us the cars, but my mom and sister were in an argument and yelled at me that I need to be more careful, I felt a little sad and broken I had to make a thread about what happened, then my older sister messaged me on Discord and said that her friend saw what I posted and then she apologized. A friend of my sister, okay? Uh, okay.

Before I continue, let me address something: I think around early June or something (It’s been a while and I forgot), I was in the RPG Site Discord server and people talked shit about Persona 5, and pretty much everything they say about the game just hurts my soul so much that I decided to make a TwitLonger post about why I’m practically done with the Persona series for good. Later I made a bit of off-topic rant, going a bit existential and then I went to sleep. Then at 7 AM, my mom just came to my bedroom and she argued with me about the depressive stuff I write, she even went so far that the government was watching me. (Now that I think about it, there’s no fucking way that’s true). Later I checked Discord and my older sister DM’d me saying “My friend saw your stuff again, you need to lay off the internet for a while. You take people’s opinions too seriously.” It seems like my sister’s friend was apparently my stalker, this was starting to feel like 2014 all over again when I got stalked by one of my sister’s old friends. Wow, way to keep ruining my life for my “own good”... Thankfully a while later, they got suspended, and when they got back, they stopped following me. Moving on...

Etika... What happened to Etika was really sad. I don’t really want to talk too much about Etika because I’m scared that I may speak ill of him, but everything that happened to him leading up to his death sucks. Then there was also the Kyoto Animation arson, which that was an absolutely horrendous even to ever happen in Japan in recent years.

Around the same time Etika died, and I shit you not, a few days later, my older sister was hospitalized for her behavior, I don’t really know what happened but I remember hearing my mom having a phone call with the hospital and then i heard my older sister yell “WHO ARE YOU CALLING TO?!” and then they left and she got hospitalized.

Then around the same time, there was quite some problems with a DM group made by one of MysticDistance’s friends. First off, I’ve had quite some rough times with MysticDistance’s DM groups and I seriously feel bad because I hate being the way I am with my opinion vendetta, I can be quite a bitch. Anyways, with this new DM group by one of Mystic’s friends, first thing was that when my older sister was hospitalized, I spent most of my money buying stuff from Steam because it had the Summer Sale at the time (and bought other things that was a little expensive like Wallpaper Engine), then when I noticed my debit card’s wallet (Yes, I finally got a debit card, more details later), I started... e-begging, to get a bit of money so I can get like 300-400 pesos back because I needed the money for the three of us to go see Spider-Man: Far From Home, someone brought up the subject of our finances and one person got really mad at me because when I had shared my PayPal.me link about my financial struggles, someone else shared the other person’s PayPal link about their... cancer donations, and the person who made the tweet linking their PayPal for cancer donation really lashed out at me real bad, later I eventually clarified and all seems went to normal.

There was another situation in that DM group but we’ll get into that later.

Also, let me rephrase that, when my older sister was hospitalized, I spent most of my money I was supposed to use for Spider-Man: Far From Home buying shit from Steam! Man, I can’t get any worse. But don’t worry, my financial struggle quickly got fixed as one of my friends definitely volunteered to give me 20 dollars, which equals 400 pesos! The dude just saved my life.

My Summer vacation was the most boring and shallow vacation I’ve ever had in my entire life.

August came and went, and while the first few weeks were fine, like around the middle of the month, it just turned into absolute hell: Spider-Man leaving the MCU... but then that quickly got resolved a month later.

September came and there really wasn’t much big things to talk about, moving on to October boy, my 20th birthday was the absolute best I’ve had in my life. Still nowhere near the kind of birthday I always want, but I got some surprises and stuff that I’ve always been looking for. I’ll address this later in the positives of the year. Although there’s something I have to say which made me sad, but thankfully happened a day after my birthday: One of the Custom Maid 3D2 artists I’ve liked, kirishima_ss (NSFW, click with discretion) blocked me on Twitter after I tweeted them that yesterday was my birthday. Like... seriously dude? I just turned 20! Did they block me for the sake of not getting suspended from young accounts interacting with mature ones?! Or are they racist?! I kinda want to tell the other Custom Maid 3D2 artists who follow me but I don’t want to get them in trouble and they’ll end up getting blocked too...

Then like at the end of the month, I also got kicked out from the one DM group because I shared one of MysticDistance’s tweets saying something about popular series and whatnot, I asked what do they think and everyone proceeded to give answers like “I don’t care” and such. Me bitching out, I was like “...Really? Try to put some more heart to it” and one of the guys used me as an example of if a series is popular I kinda get angry with opinions and something like that, I asked that if that was really necessary to use me like that, and then I noticed that I got kicked out of the group out of the blue. I asked SAL about it and it appears that one of the people who was in the chat blocked me, I immediately thought of this one person and she did indeed block me. Well, okay, I always had the feeling she hated me anyways. (ROT13 message incoming)

Ebfr naq Wnevq, vs lbh obgu ernq guvf, ab, V'z abg tbvat gb haoybpx lbh. Jryy, V qvq sbe gur fnxr bs lbh ernqvat guvf, ohg bapr lbh qb, lbh'yy creznaragyl erznva oybpxrq sbe gur erfg bs zl yvsr orpnhfr V qba'g jnag gb frr lbh nalzber.

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V qba'g ernyyl pner vs V'z xvpxrq bhg bs gur QZ tebhc abe V jnag gb erwbva, V jnf trggvat gverq bs frrvat zl Zrffntrf gno trggvat gur 1 vpba rirel qnl. Fb ybat.

November went by and nothing very big, but I have to say, and this isn’t much of a positive nor a negative thing but I need to address this here, on par with the first paragraph of this segment: When I opened Chrome and started checking on my WordPress site for my project and under my pen name, I came across two which were posted on October and I really have never noticed it in a month. The first one was just a guy saying “Hype!” because he was intrigued with my project, but the second comment from the same guy... was quite a long harsh feedback I’ve gotten so far. (Not the first or the most unhelpful (although it kind of is) but come on). The only feedback I genuinely care for my future as an author is I want grammatical issues, narrative issues maybe so I want everyone to give me suggestions on what do I do with certain characters I’m not sure about, but issues about the concept?

Let me real about this, the only kind of feedback I care about are grammatical issues, narrative issues maybe because I want to fix some character backstories and other things I’m not really sure with, but issues with the concept and everything? I don’t give a shit. Can’t there ever be some liberties with having to make some things without considering too much backstory or anything?

Oh, I almost forgot to tell something from November, I FINALLY GOT MY PS4!!! Though... the outcome didn’t turn out as hype and peaceful like I wanted. My mom and my older sister started arguing because mom used all of my sister’s money, and my sister got aggro. After seeing my mom and sister argue, my mom told me to come with her to go back home, but I turned and walked away from her and I said “I’m not going because you’re useless”. But then, I immediately felt bad and tried to search my mom around the plaza, but whatever, I decided to go home once and for all while my older sister was still hanging around in her own.

Later that day, my sister came back home, she and I finally set up the PS4 and I started playing Dark Souls 3 (Yes, I now understand how Git Gud feels like), but then mom came back home and she and my sister started arguing again, they even went so far to return and sell the PS4 back, then I (tried really hard to) pillow yelled that they were gonna sell the PS4 as soon as we bought it. But then, the next day, all got resolved and it turned out to be my sister’s fault for something. I have no idea what just happened, but hey, we’re not selling the PS4 anymore!

Seriously, my mom and sister are incredibly stupid, I always think their chemistry sucks. I wish either of them are dead already if this kind of shit continues to happen.

Anyways, moving on. December came and went, and the biggest thing that first happened and must talk about: The Game Awards. This was the biggest waste of time I’ve ever been, and the absolute worst one yet. The only things that I cared about were the No More Heroes 3 trailer (which I’ll talk about later), DMC5 winning Best Action game, and Death Stranding winning a couple of awards (I’m truly disappointed that it didn’t win GOTY, but at least it was something), everything was maximum sleep.

Anyways, Christmas came and I got some decent gifts: I got me a fluffy blanket, a new wallet and 500 pesos from my aunt. I got a new bath coat and a wristband from my mom. They’re good gifts but they certainly don’t top last year’s Christmas gifts where I got a new phone and Spider-Verse. (Speaking of which, I wanted to buy the Spider-Verse wristband but mom didn’t want me to because she thought “nobody wears wristbands”, and somehow she changed her mind with the one she just gave me. Now I need a ring so my hands look cool). I hope next year I get much better gifts, something crazier and expensive, though I might be asking for too much. Same with my birthday. But hey, at least the chocolates are always a nice side-gift (?) to get. (We always get bags full of various chocolates for Christmas, and got one for my birthday too)

This last paragraph wasn’t so much of a negative thing as it is more for positive, and this category is more like a long telling of my life in general throughout the rest of the year anyways.

And now we’re finally here, New Year’s day and, what else? You’re reading this post talking about my life throughout the decade and my long 2019 review.

Seems like there’s nothing else to discuss, so I think we’re done talking about the mostly negative things that I’ve been through in my entire life this year. But we’re just getting started...

The positives

For the most part I have pretty much discussed a lot of very negative things that happened in my life, but I had to do it so I can get it out of my way and I want people to understand what I’ve been going through in my life this year. It may or may not be worth getting sympathy over something that’s always my fault and stuff that is common in life, but at times it really drives me to give up on achieving my dreams and kill myself, but now the entire year wasn’t that bad like I think it is, so let’s discuss my biggest positives:

Starting around January, I finally got to have my own debit card and that seriously changed my life... For the better and for the worse. You see, the one thing I always do with my money is spending over 100 pesos on supporting artists, mainly on Fantia every month(Sometimes on Patreon when their pages are the ones that take away my money instantly, I’ve seen some that don’t really take away the moment I subscribe to one of their tiers), I also bought porn illustration CG sets in DMM FANZA. At some points, I went into a serious financial struggle. So yeah, I pretty much always spend my money with porn every month. I kind of wish I could try to save my money a bit, but sometimes, the Fantia artists’ content is too good to ignore them (Some pages have their contents posted limited for a month, others are unlimited).

I haven’t spent my money only on porn alone, I also bought games on Steam, especially during the Summer Sale. I bought various Valve games, Melty-Blood, etc. Even long after the Summer Sale, I managed to buy Killer7, Saya no Uta and Custom Order Maid 3D2 (English Steam).

Man, my debit card is my best friend, I can finally start buying stuff and supporting artists I really care about, though the only problem is that I want to support artists on Pixiv Fanbox but Pixiv (Yes, all of Pixiv) won’t allow me to use my debit card at all. Sometimes Google Play is for some reason broken because when I try to buy stuff from Fate/Grand Order and Azur Lane, I always get an error despite putting my information correctly, but I hate Pixiv the most because they definitely strictly want credit cards. Sure, I can still use PayPal to support artists on Fanbox, but there’s no way anyone would ever give me money on PayPal.

Another best thing that happened in my life is that I finally achieved one of my long gaming dreams, I finally own a PS4 after years! Though, like I said, the outcome turned out grim, but still, I finally own a PS4 after so god damn long! My first PS4 games are Dark Souls 3 (We bought it along with the PS4 from some promo in the RadioShack we bought the PS4 from), Devil May Cry 5 (I never expected my older sister to buy DMC5 from Amazon a few days after buying the PS4 already), and lastly Death Stranding in December. November was basically Buen Fin (Mexico’s less chaotic Black Friday), so that’s how we got the PS4 after so long! (Though given how much I play DMC5 and Death Stranding lately, I don’t think I’ll ever touch Dark Souls 3 ever again). Man, I really hope I get enough money to buy so many releases we missed over the years!

About my novel I always wanted to make... Well, don’t really get me started on it. I still haven’t started publishing chapters of it at all. But still, early this year, I started making accounts with my pen name my older sister come up (I told her that I want her to help me out but as her feedback grew ludicrous, I gave up and decided to follow what I want to make myself), I’ve also been making a site with Wix, but several months later, I gave up with Wix and decided to make another one with WordPress.com and it’s so much better.

Even if I haven’t started publishing my novel’s chapters, at least I have been trying to write some of the prologue alone! So that’s something, I guess...

One of the best things that has happened to me on Twitter so far is that I’ve been getting followed by a few Japanese illustrators, but mostly Custom Maid 3D2 artists, and I can’t believe I happened to be friends with at least two who I really like talking with the most. Not only that but some also made collab pictures using my OCs and boy, I couldn’t be any happier. (See the collabs here, NSFW). This is how it feels like when having your favorite artists follow you but they also make pictures of your OCs. I’m very grateful that these Japanese artists are following and even talking to foreign nobodies like me, let alone Mexican.

Oh yeah, there’s also the fact that I’m attending fine arts school now, but it isn’t my best positive thing, I honestly feel mixed about it because my mom forced me to go to school again after a year being a NEET. But then, around earlier December, I got some scolarship money and just when I was thinking that I wanted to give up on attending this school after a year, the money just convinced me, so I think I have to stay a little longer, I guess...

And now, it’s time for the one big speech I want to make so my soul can finally be clean and set free once and for all!

My current mental health and trying to get my last laugh on everyone

As you probably might have guessed, my long struggle of dealing with people’s opinions and criticisms is never going to stop. No matter how much you tell me to ignore people with what they say and still try to like what I like, no matter how much how much you’re gonna tell me that I need to take a break from the internet for a while, none of that shit is going to happen.

I won’t take off the internet for a while because I don’t know what else to do (besides gaming and other things), I’m gonna get bored to death and there’s a lot of things that makes me happy, being fan arts and porn.

No matter how much you tell me and I promise to myself that I need to behave myself, I won’t keep my word and I will always continue to make fuss about everything about people’s mentalities when it comes to what they say and everything else in this life.

Everything I was a loner in 2015, as years went on, I’ve started to become more socially active and I have made more friends. But now, I’m not grateful for it. I wish I hadn’t made friends. I wish I remained an absolute loner for the rest of my life.

Let me try to make one last rant and hopefully somebody will understand and I will be free.

I don’t know what the hell is wrong with everyone, everyone always tends to attack some things I really find okay with or for no reason. Everytime I watch something bad, I’m like “Hm, okay, that wasn’t so bad”, and then literally everyone goes way too far by being insecure asses yelling at everything on how offensively bad these things are. I know I had some experience too, but most of the time, I don’t really care, either from fandoms or just general communities that have some things in their interests.

Even if people tell me that they don’t have problems that I like what they don’t, that doesn’t change their hypocrisy, they’re cynicism! It’s not just one person that has a contrary feeling to mine, it’s always, ALWAYS a god damn circle of cynics that I can’t even want to interact with them and get along!

The biggest problem is that even if I were to enjoy what I enjoy and ignore people that they don’t, there are people that are even precious to me, but my hopes and dreams immediately get destroyed the moment they say one bit of negativity around something I hold dear the most in my life and it’s an absolute red flag an absolute offense for me!

Talking about things, for example, Overwatch or even Star Wars with Rise of Skywalker, or even the Fate fandom, pretty much any community is absolute cancer. Even for general communities, hearing and reading what people are saying about stuff you like but then they proceed to say things that they expect you to believe is nothing but a social taboo! There is no fucking way that I’m gonna agree to literally everything you say and my means by disagreeing opinions is always by lifting my voice and fight for it! It’s a social taboo to the point that we’re not even “mutuals” because we have nothing in common!

If you even dare to tell me that you’re not forcing your opinions or anything, then don’t even bother telling me to not force my opinions because that’s what I pretty much want! I want to force my opinions towards people until they give up and admit that I win!

It’s even worse when there are “fans” out there that are just outright bashing things for absolute no reason! If you do that, you’re basically destroying your pride for that series you’re supposed to be into, what it means to you, what it represents you! Sure, I may have some issues with certain things, but at the same time, I don’t really have problems with anything nor I even care to think or even agree to anyone with whatever bullshit they say. I don’t give a shit whether nothing is perfect, well it is for me and my heart, as long as I have fun or don’t have problems, that’s it!

People think they’re fans of a certain franchise they represent, but no! Why can’t anyone become real fanboys to the point that they’re more like blind fanboys like me where I tend to support literally anything regardless of some situations!

It’s even dumber that there are people asking for people to make “good” things or anything that they think it’s “good”. First of all, please for the love of god, define “good” because you clearly have no idea what do you even mean or even want. If you think you want people to make “good” things as a general principle of life, you’re dead wrong! There’s no way anyone would ever make “good” things or whatever you want, instead, you might be thinking that the good stuff you want is stuff for you. So stop abusing the word “good” as a means of a principal rule for every creator to make, and instead try to find some things that you may find interesting, things that speak to you, by yourself!

The worst thing yet is that people abuse their opinions as “facts”. Like, seriously?! You do not use your opinions like that and call them “facts”, no way in hell anyone will ever believe you!

I always thought that people expressing their opinions by text is just harmful for me but I’m sure if anyone are able to speak it out by voice, then I wouldn’t have any trouble, but voiced opinions are no different because of the god awful tones people make with their voices! (This is part of why I don’t like watching The Unreal Bruhcast anymore)

So from now on, I don’t really care about pretty much everyone’s opinions. Not from friends (Belsheber Rusape, Pixelbuster), not from family (my older sister), not from YouTubers (Jacksepticeye), not from artists (Akai Riot), anyone! I’m really sick of anyone voicing their opinions, mostly expressing hate for everything I’m curious of, and what I hold dear the most, because I hate everyone, I really hate everyone so much!

You people have failed me! You have failed me! As friends! As mutuals! Everything! I have thought really high of you but then you always blew everything up the moment you start talking shit about the stuff I hold dear the most! I don’t want to be with you anymore! You always try so hard in trying to convince me by heart to ignore whatever bullshit people say with your empty words! Either that or I will seriously never learn and I will continue to talk shit right back at you!

By the way, @BrinkOfMemories/@BrinkArtist was one of the pioneers for developing my hatred because, my lord, every time I read their opinion tweets, they always gave me an absolute headache and I want to punch them so bad!

Now, let’s talk about my desire and my future of becoming a creator (artist, author, etc).

Every time I see people talking shit about stuff like Kojima’s writing, or any kind of poor writing people talk about, I always think that I would like to walk away from becoming a writer. why? Because I know nothing about the most basic things of “good” storytelling!

Seriously, who the hell do people think they are? They think they’re trying to be better than most of the creators (artists/writers/game devs, etc) are trying to be and what they make? Do they seriously can even understand the thought process of what people tend to make? Why do people always be like “This franchise needs to be this, the core” and all that shit. And what’s with all this “These characters need to be relatable to a lot of people”, “this story doesn’t follow the core of the original“, “this story is predictable”, like, what is all that garbage vocabulary?! This is why there’s no creative freedom anymore!

Not a single fan is even civil with the creators they respect anymore! Nobody really thinks what it’s like to be the creators they love and hate like I do, as someone who wants to get in the entertainment industry in some way! They can’t even think what it feels like to be the creators they inspire/aspire to be!

You think people like you who think they’re better than most creators do and even go so far by fixing some of their works because they’re incredibly flawed and all that shit, to be somebody but the fans themselves, they don’t! They think that people should make stories or anything and expecting them to be great instead of developing any sort of trust and cofidence and even try to be more hyped to check their works out regardless of quality, and then let everyone have their creative freedom!

I’ve had some really harsh feedback where in my project I want to make so bad that I tend to draw characters only to be shoved in the story by just showing them off and don’t have any real purpose, I don’t really give a shit! I’m just trying my best to figure out what kind of characters do I want to make or whatever! This is the kind of feedback that affects me so god damn much to the point where I seriously try to give up on making my project a reality! When that shit happens, I always think that I should give up in making my project beacuse nobody deserves to see my masterpieces I have in mind, my magnum opus I’ve been trying to develop for years! All because of your stupid intellect and you seriously think you have the means to make a “great” story with great storytelling, memorable characters, and everything that makes you think they’re so good, why not try to make that story with said things or even try to write my project yourself?! This is my kind of creative freedom I want to have and you people always destroy it! Not to mention that you always ask me what’s it even about and I seriously can’t process to answer what it actually is! It’s nothing but peer pressure!

Then there’s also another feedback I’ve gotten about my project as the “Why this?”, I get asked a lot of “Why...?” because people always want to look for a purpose for literally EVERYTHING and it makes me sick! Sure, I do have some things in mind for some things having a purpose, but dear god, can’t you just let anyone try to make anything without having to think of a story way too much?!

Speaking of which, there’s always these kind of people who are like “This character is my favorite because of their great actions” and whatever, and I’m literally the only one who’s just like picking a character and calling them my instant favorite from their designs alone! I may be a simpleton of a brainlet who thinks that way, but if you’re gonna force your opinion that the character I like is terrible, get out of my sight! Isn’t it something like a friend tells you “Hey, see that guy/girl over there? I think he’s/she’s hot.”, huh?! Shouldn’t it be the same for fictional characters as well?

If there are tons of things you hate in fiction so much, then I’m bound to make the same mistakes as everyone else! Make a gacha or any other things you hate that are being inserted in fiction! And do you have any idea why do creators keep putting things you hate? Because they have creative freedom! They can do whatever the hell they want! Why not let them be?! What about yourself?!

And then things get worse, there’s always a bunch of SJW assholes who always attack artists because they “promote pedophilia” when they draw shotacon/lolicon stuff? That kind of shit ALWAYS happens and it seriously need to stop! You seriously have to think that all what they do is ONLY FICTIONAL, you should keep that up in your god damn asses and never show up with these artists ever again! That’s the thing, aside from writing, why not let anyone draw whatever they want to?! Don’t you people know the rule that you should separate art from artists at all costs?! I draw gore and some dark shit a few times, but that doesn’t mean I’m an emo or edgy person! I just draw what I like!

Oh, and if anyone’s going to attack me because of my insecure opinions like this or even call me a p3d0 because I support shota/loli art (keep in mind this is strictly FICTIONAL), please don’t do that and get out of my sight!

Going back to the topic of my project, the project is absolutely top secret because if I become big enough and even under a different name, if I tell and suggest everything to everyone I know, it’s unlikely but some might make allegations about my rude behavior and how much porn I retweet, I’m basically gonna get cancelled and I don’t, for the faint of heart, I DON’T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN, PLEASE! So for all the people I tell everything about my project, I’m grateful for you to support me, but it’s time that I really wish you should forget about me and everything I said and just wait to get surprised!

After everything I just said, let me give one last fuck you to everyone I’ve grown to meet, like and hate

One last time...

I’m never going to be like you! I have my own reasons and I have better issues to be mad about and they’re not something everyone knows or even cares!

I think I am definitely done discussing what I always want to discuss and I really hope you will understand my feelings. Thank you.

Now, let’s finally move on to...

What to expect in 2020: The year and the decade beyond

Now that I’m finally done making my long review for 2019, let’s now finally talk about what am I gonna expect for 2020, mostly about the year and a little bit of the decade beyond!

Although, to be honest, I don’t really have high hopes on what the year and the decade has in store, because we’ve come to the point where we’re now in the age of extinction, pretty much everything and everyone we loved and care are disappearing, so I’m really scared of the future. Sure, I could move on but sometimes it might be hard thinking back on the stuff and people you used to admire not being there anymore...

Anyways, even if I’m going to lose the people and things I care the most in my life, there are still some new things I’m going to discover, so there’s that.

Now, let’s get started with talking about the 2020 things!

Resolutions

Like I said, I’m not really looking forward with making resolutions because I already know that I won’t be able to keep my word, pretty much anyone else might, but for me it’s kind of a big deal. I’m still gonna try to mention what are my resolutions are, and it’ll probably be the last time I’ll do this, so just in case, here they are. If I seriously don’t accomplish these at the very first days or anything, I’m basically doomed:

Release my novel once and for all: After my long ass rant about my future as an author with my project. LIke I said above, I seriously may still have not been able to start publishing at least my prologue alone, at least I’m still writing like 3/4s of it the best I can.

I’m publishing my novel as a serial on my WordPress site because I don’t want to publish them on Wattpad or Royal Road for one because I don’t have a cover, I don’t have the money to pay for an artist I want to make a cover for me nor I want to make like a placeholder at the moment.

Speaking of the cover, after making my pen name, all I did was asking a lot of Japanese artists if they can draw me a cover for the novel... When I’m already aware that I DON’T have money at all (I was asking for spec work). Thankfully some of the people I asked have turned down and most haven’t responded at all.

Let me tell you a little bit of my project. I used to dream of wanting to make this into a game, maybe an RPG Maker one right now, but I had no idea what to do with RPG Maker nor I think I would like to make my own textures and assets, I don’t think I would have gotten patience. But then about 3 years ago, I wanted to write the script for the game, but that turned out to be more like a character encyclopedia book because I really had no idea what kind of scenarios I wanted to write. Also, most of the character biographies was written by a friend who I regularly about my project with. So I gave up on my dream on making my project into a game. Besides, I don’t think I might ever learn game design or anything.

Then like two years later, I just somehow realized and learned the importance of books getting adaptations and stuff, I decided to turn it into a novel instead mainly because I want people to adapt it. So my dream of wanting my project to become a video game is still there, but all I have to do is make a novel and try to talk stuff like how I want to get it adapted or something.

(I’m not sure if that sounds like the best plan for you, writing a novel only for the sole purpose of getting adaptations, but that’s what I really want, to be honest)

I always thought that writing a novel was going to be easy as pie, but trying to figure out how to write the scenarios, describing them, the action scenes and everything is a nightmare!

I have researched quite a lot about the writing process, and the one advice that stucks to me is “You don’t have to write perfectly, just try to write something no matter if it’s garbage”, and that’s what I’m kind of trying right now.

Anyways, here comes the one thing I’m sure I might regret this, but I think it should be time to talk a LITTLE bit about something from my project.

Do you really want to know the name of the project? Well, I can’t give you the full title, but here’s a working title of sorts:

“Cebwrpg SZJ” (Definitely not used with something XIII)

(This is just to throw people off. The people I talked about my project with of course know what it means. And if someone figures out what it means, I’m probably gonna keep quiet. Although I think it might already exist somewhere...)

I’m afraid I can’t tell you what the project really is about, so I might have to leave you in the dark until I publish the novel and there’s a lot of attention and it becomes big, so that’s all you’re getting for now.

I have quite some ambitious goals which you may or may not believe me and might laugh at me but hear me out: I want to become the new SCP, Type-Moon and Marvel.

I want to be like the SCP because every time I look at the website, the creatures and everything, just truly inspires me, I’d love to do something like the SCP with writing a ton of information about my characters and stuff, but the big problem is that I really have no idea how am I gonna translate my thoughts or things into words to make lengthy profiles or something. I’d like to be like Type-Moon because... all I can think of is doing nothing but Cebwrpg SZJ as much as TM is doing nothing but Fate, but then they’re also toying with the idea of the multiverse, even though they never explicitly ever address if the Fate projects are multiverse because most of them tend to have their self-contained universe, it’s a general comic book concept of multiverse with different incarnations of characters I really can’t stop using the comic book things with Fate. Lastly, I’d like to be like Marvel because, we’re going full circle with the multiverse talk, but I’d also like to be like the MCU (Pretty much everyone else is) with shared universe and everything galore. Although for me, it’s not just going to be MCU, it’s also going to be more like the Disney/Pixar Universe theory. I just like shared universes, okay?

I would also love to become a Virtual YouTuber, just to conceal my identity and hide my public appearance, but at some point, I would still like having public appearances in conventions or any sort of these events anyways. The kind of VTuber I’d like to be is just all by myself, I wouldn’t like to be like Nijisanji or Hololive where it’s everything under corporate control and I wouldn’t like to play a character with features I’m not really sure with, I’d like to make and be my own characters.

This is the real job I want to start doing right now, and there’s no way I’m making my novel writing hobby for free, I really gotta get serious and try to make some money off from donations from chapters and eventually the full book release. (I’m planning to publish it on KDP, by the way)

I just want me and my franchise to become something big for the 2020 decade and for the Reiwa era, I want to be something! I want to achieve my dreams as soon as possible and I’d better make it fast! (I only have 10 years to do so)

Also, here’s my retirement announcement for you to read because there’s a reason why I want to stop writing blogs in Tumblr for good.

Try to behave better and be more respectful: Aside from taking people’s opinions seriously, another recurring problem about my behavior is that I always fight with my mom every time I do my older sister’s homeworks. There’s just really something from her that really frustrates me. I do feel like I really start lifting my voice at her for no reason, but my brain just feels like it’s tired of her shit, or that doesn’t want to be reminded or whatever, so I hope I could try my best at trying to have some more patience, but I still have to fight for it.

Get in shape: I gave up on going to the gym at the beginning of Summer because I wanted to rest and because I was gonna attend the fine arts school I go now because I wouldn’t have the time to go to the gym right in front of my house but I get back home exhausted and I want to save hundreds of pictures I retweet on Twitter and bookmark on Pixiv. But then Dumbbell Nan Kilo Moteru came and I immediately regret stopped going to the gym.

But it’s fine because it does show exercises you can do at home, and probably the most basic thing I can do to reduce my fat belly when having a decently fit body is doing crunches. Probably 3 sets of 20 will do, and I really hope I can do this every day. Not just crunches, I also want to do planks, but sometimes I’m not really sure if it’s effective or anything because I want to feel that my abdomen is getting burned or something.

Draw regularly until I improve my art drastically: Back in 2012, I used to draw comics mindlessly, now I’m feeling kind of tempted to draw comics again but this time it’s going to be focused with the Busujima Sisters. As much as I think that I would like to do so, I’m not really sure if I’m prepared to be drawing comics again. I mean, I do have ideas for some panels but I need some time to think better on how to structure things out.

I’m mostly a traditional person, but I really get frustrated on how the graphite is like really buried on the paper and I can’t erase anything no matter what, it’s even worse with lighter pencils, so I think I should also try to learn and have more patience with digital art. It drives me nuts on how digital art works, from brush size vs. canvas size (The bigger the canvas, the smaller even the bigger brushes are going to be) and my least favorite, layers.

So I think I might become a full-fledged artist account, not only by doing Custom Maid 3D2 pictures (Though I’m not really sure because I downloaded a torrent with CM3D2 and COM3D2 with most of the DLC and when I open COM3D2, it’s extremely laggy to the point that it might even be unusable for my laptop), but by posting doodles or even fully colored illustrations (if I have the patience) as well. I have posted pictures a little bit, but I think it should be time for me to become a full-fledged regular artist.

Choosing between traditional vs digital is a straight-up 50/50, but it’s going to be worth the try with both if I were to draw literally every day until I run out of sheets from my sketchbook because all I do is just doing doodles, but that’s the point.

Try to retweet less: This is one goal I’m not really 100% sure if I really want to do and I’m still gonna write it and not fulfill it anyways, so I’m just gonna write this here just in case. I’m always retweeting a lot of stuff, mostly porn, and I’m really concerned about my followers who might see the porn I constantly retweet a lot and they see my name everywhere, some don’t really mind but I seriously need to try to stop that habit for a bit.

Although even if I would stop retweeting, liking tweets is no different, I always retweet because I really like going to my profile and see the tweets I retweeted and everything. Retweeting tweets means keeping the person’s tweets to yourself, that’s what I always believed in my retweets. And yes, I’m lazy to go to my Likes page but I always tend to like replies, so they’re going to be a hassle to get through.

Most anticipated releases

It’s finally time to talk about my favorite part of every year, new releases! I’ve seen some stuff aimed for a 2020 release, but I’ve even seen some that are slated for 2021 and beyond, but for now, let’s talk about what this year has to store.

Although, I may vaguely remember what am I looking forward the most, but I’m just going to talk about the ones that comes to my mind first.

Also, better keep in mind that while some things may have their 2020 release dates, delays are always bound to happen, but we still have to count in some things anyways.

Anime:

There’s just so many anime coming out that I think I might have lost track. Sure, you can look at my previous Fall 2019 Final Impressions post to see what are my upcoming Winter 2020 anime, but here are the biggest shows for 2020 I’m excited for.

Attack on Titan season 4: This is going to be the final season of Attack on Titan and we have come a long way for the finale, especially that the manga is going to end soon as well. Don’t worry, this is slated for a Fall 2020 release, so as of the writing and publishing of this post, we have 10 months for S4 to come out, especially when the manga will finish by then. It’s to be determined if it’s going to be a one-cour series or a two-cour series, but what I expect the most is that it should at least adapt the finale, kind of like how Tokyo Ghoul:re the anime happened a while after the manga had ended or something, except Attack on Titan S4 is going to be faithfully adapted of course.

Akira remaster and new TV series: A 4K remaster of Akira is something I’m quite curious on how it’s going to work, but a new TV series is what I’m the most curious. Apparently, the new TV series is being made so it will fully adapt the manga where the film didn’t (the creator directed the film but the manga hadn’t been finished at the time), animated by Sunrise. I wonder if the Akira TV series will capture the original film’s style or something.

2020 sure sounds like it’s going to be the year of Akira, though 2019 was the year Akira (and Blade Runner) is set and then the Taika Waititi live-action film is going to be released in 2021.

Also, with that being said about an Akira TV series that adapts the entire manga, I think we’ve come to the point that we’re getting anime remakes with the sole purpose of adapting the manga to its ending, see Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood and Fruits Basket 2019. Speaking of which...

Fruits Basket season 2: I haven’t read the manga or watched the original anime, but just with season one of Fruits Basket 2019 alone, I was impressed, so with the second season, I’m looking forward on how will TMS adapt the ending!

Fate/Stay Night: Heaven’s Feel III. spring song: At this point I definitely trust Konnichiwa (the Latin American distributor) and of course they’ll bring it to Mexico and Latin America like they did with the first two films so far, I shouldn’t be begging way too hard on wanting to see them. (I am with Promare if it’s gonna happen)

Evangelion 3.0 + 1.0: It’s been years since we have last heard of Evangelion 4.0 ever since the film got delayed because Hideaki Anno was directing Shin Godzilla, now, the film is finally happening.

This is the one film that I’m sure fixated on wanting for Konnichiwa to bring it, I see Konnichiwa as the kind of distributor that brings big franchises and big hits and Evangelion is such a big franchise for another distributor to bring the film to Mexican and Latin American theaters!

UPDATE - February 1st 2020: As of now, Konnichiwa have announced the following movies they’re going to release throughout the year:

Violet Evergarden

Konosuba

Human Lost

Fate/Stay Night: Heaven’s Feel III. spring song

My Hero Academia: Heroes Rising

So... None of them are either Promare or even Evangelion 3.0+1.0, at this point I truly lost trust with Konnichiwa, they definitely lost me. Although it’s good that they’re still bringing Fate/Stay Night: Heaven’s Feel III and My Hero Academia, but no Promare or Evangelion? Really? Come on! Human Lost of all movies?! Who thought it was a good idea?!

Keifuku-san: As of the writing of this post in December 30th, this is a surprise I really never expected to see! I saw Marissa Lenti’s tweet about “new Tatsuki anime” and the tweet she was quoting was of the Crunchyroll news where Tatsuki teases a Keifuku-san anime, and I freaked out because I’m excited that he’s already working on a new anime already based on his shorts. The teaser was posted two days ago and I seriously hate that I missed it!

With the success of Kemurikusa 2019, I think we’re seeing some sort of a post-Kemono Friends reinassance with Tatsuki by making remakes of his old classics, except Keifuku-san is his most recent short but I’m glad he’s turning into a full-fledged series, I want more Tatsuki! More Tatsuki More Tanoshii! (This is the polar oppososite of “No Tatsuki No Tanoshii” and I hope everybody gets to make a similar phrase)

UPDATE - January 4th 2020: That mystery anime from Tatsuki turned out to be Hentatsu and it’s out today. What in the world did Crunchyroll think it was Keifuku-san though the box did imply it might have been Keifuku-san. But it’s fine, Hentatsu going from shorts to a full-fledged TV series is cool too!

Golden Kamuy season 3: Just when I thought there wouldn’t be anymore Golden Kamuy, it is indeed happening and I’m happy that it is!

Zombieland Saga season 2: I’m impressed with the first season and I’m happy the second season is happening and I hope it’d better pay off the final episode’s teaser, that teaser is just too good to pass it up!

Games:

No More Heroes 3: Easily my #1 most anticipated game of the year! I’ve been a long time No More Heroes fan and I’ve been waiting for a third No More Heroes game for so long! Although the one big thing I’m skeptical for is the soundtrack, since there’s a new composer, being Nobuaki Kaneko, and it’s no longer Masafumi Takada and Jun Fukuda (Though he’s still working with sound design, so that’s a plus), I’m pretty sure the soundtrack will be nowhere near as good as the first two games, and hearing the composer’s tracks in Spotify, my skepticism grows stronger, but we’ll see. Overall, I’ve been waiting 10 years for my whole life for NMH3 and it’s finally happening!

I just need to get a Switch as soon as possible so I can start playing it on launch, but getting a PS4 was my long time biggest priority. So I really hope Suda will do the same with Travis Strikes Again by releasing NMH3 on PS4 and PC!

Resident Evil 3 Remake: With the success of RE2, they immediately started developing Resident Evil 3 Remake, and with the trailers released, I’m absolutely impressed, and it uses the same gameplay as RE2 Remake. Also, Remake Nemesis is looking good. Though, honestly I’m not really sure about the nose, but if there’s one thing that I really love about Nemesis, is his teeth.

Tsukihime remake: The Tsukihime remake is the most infamous and meme-worthy vaporware from Type-Moon that it’s not even a contest between it and Half-Life 3, if “See you in 10 years” thing may be true, then there’s already signs of its existence right now, with confirmation of test plays. So there might be hope that we’re finally going to see something about the Tsukihime remake in the light of day, and even a release date eventually!

(I’m a terrible historian, I don’t really know much about the Tsukihime remake’s history)

Also, when there are news about Tsukihime Remake’s release date, I’m going to play the original! (As long as I finish Saya no Uta because I need to finish that one first)

Half-Life: Alyx: It still may not be Half-Life 3 as mentioned with the Tsukihime remake, but I’m surprised that Valve is finally doing something with their old IP after all these years, it may be a VR but it’s still going to be something interesting. I hope it’s going to kickstart a new reinassance era for Valve if they continue to make amazing games again after Half-Life Alyx, hopefully we won’t see any repeat with Artifact.

Death March Club: This is the very first project Tookyo Games (new studio by Kazutaka Kodaka and Kotaro Uchikoshi) is releasing. Looking back, I was really not aware that Danganronpa V3 was going to be the end of the Danganronpa franchise for good and it makes me sad, there’s so much potential for V3′s univverse to be developed, but it appears that this might be it. I really hope Spike Chunsoft will do something about Danganronpa in its 10th anniversary, hopefully something new and good and not just some lame celebration messages or whatever, I want a new game or a new anime, something new Danganronpa! ;_;

Anyways, even if there may not be any more Danganronpa, I could still follow Kodaka‘s new developments with his new projects (along with Uchikoshi). Teased back in 2018, there are two projects featuring Rui Komatsuzaki’s art, one is a new game and the other one is a new anime by Pierrot, and I’m seriously the most excited for these two!

Movies:

Black Widow and The Eternals: I haven’t kept track with the upcoming Marvel releases right now, so I’d better keep a careful eye out for them. Not only Black Widow and The Eternals are coming out, there’s also going to be the MCU TV series in Disney+, like Falcon and Winter Soldier and WHAT IF...?. I’m especially intrigued for Falcon and Winter Soldier right now.

And for those who are like “Welp, time to stop caring about the MCU because all they want us to do is use our money for the movies and for paying Disney+” when there were news that Kevin Feige says that the Disney+ series are going to be crucial for the MCU, fuck you. (I’m talking to you, Pixelbuster and Macuelos. You boomers)

As for Black Widow, I’m concerned that it’s going to be Captain Marvel 2.0, not only for having SJW trolls (which that wasn’t the biggest deal for Captain Marvel), but rather even normal people bashing it out for its quality, the biggest thing people have criticized at the first trailer so far is Taskmaster’s costume where it looks nothing like the comics. That shit is seriously none of my concern and I really think Taskmaster looks really cool, it reminds me of Crossbones and that’s what makes their military aesthetics so special. (And please swallow that)

Venom 2: I’m supper happy that, regardless of its critical reception, the first Venom movie became a financial success and a cult hit with Eddie x Venom shippers. With that being said about making a lot of money, I’m really happy that they’re working on Venom 2 right away! That post-credits teaser with Carnage is just too good for a sequel to not be made!

I don’t care if it’ll “improve” the first film, I do think Venom 2 is going to be “better” but in a sense of topping the original because of Venom and Carnage, not because of improving the first film’s issues and all that shit! Give me more Venom movies and Venom vs Carnage and I just want the second film to be at the same pace as the first film which my older sister and I loved it!

I really hope the film will still come out in October, especially that in October 2020, my birthday is going to be on Sunday, which that means I’ll finally get to see a Venom movie DIRECTLY on my birthday just like with Joker this year!

Morbius: This wasn’t high on my anticipated movies list, but the trailer was released on January 13th 2020, I must talk about it now: The trailer looks interesting and I’m definitely going to see it, but the biggest surprise yet is that there’s Michael Keaton’s Adriam Toomes/Vulture from Spider-Man: Homecoming at the very end of the trailer. Seems like this is definitely setting up some small ties to the MCU with the Spider-Man characters, and it all depends if Tom Holland’s Spidey will appear in some form with either Morbius or Venom 2, most likely Venom 2 but we’ll see about Morbius.

Wonder Woman 84 and Birds of Prey: 2019 was sure the best year for DC with Shazam and especially Joker, though I’m concerned that the good DC movies period is already going to be over with Wonder Woman 84 and Birds of Prey where people aren’t going to be fond with these films, but I’m still going to see the films regardless. (Especially Wonder Woman 84 because a lot of people had trouble with the first film’s ending smh.)

There’s also going to be major events like the Tokyo Olympics 2020 and I’m curious to see how much of the anime pop culture there’s going to be for global television, but I’m also worried if the way they’re going to handle Comiket without using the Tokyo Big Sight because they are going to use it for the Olympics, and there are also news that they’re removing porn from convenience stores, basically the porn in Japan is being removed for the Olympics, but the biggest thing I’m concerned is that if Comiket 98 taken place in May is going to be the last Comiket for good because I haven’t seen like any news about it and that’s all what the Wikipedia page has, I really hope there’s still more Comiket in the future, even when I don’t really go to Comiket at all because I don’t live in Japan, but I really love seeing artists setting their circles and having their doujins all sold out.

There’s also going to be the Playstation 5, which it may or may not be the best thing in the world to happen right now considering that I just got my PS4 in November, although Sony did confirm that the PS5 has backwards compability with PS4, but then there are also reports that it’s backwards compability with all the previous Playstations and that smells like bullshit to me.

Anyways, I’m definitely not buying the PS5 at launch, I’ll wait in a few years until there are some really interesting exclusives, or even if there devs making new games for the PS5, they’re still bound to be released on the PS3 as well. Just like I did with the PS4, we never bought it at launch and we waited for a long time for cooler releases to get there and that’s where we finally decided on getting a PS4, albeit several years late but whatever.

The PS5 won’t be coming out until the Holidays 2020, so I have an entire year to play with my PS4 and take my best advantage of it, in the meantime, I’ve been playing Devil May Cry 5 and Death Stranding, and hopefully we can get to buy the many other releases we missed over the years.

Ugh, I don’t know what else is coming out in 2020 with different media, but I think that’s enough about my most anticipated releases that I could think of! As time goes on, whenever news about some things pop up, I’m of course going to keep track of those releases!

Conclusion

We have at least reached the end of this long long post I have made yet, I’m sorry if I made you through read all of this insanity, but I really hope you might have skimmed through some parts and read a little bit of the most important pieces, the ones that you find the most interesting.

This was an amazing yet painful but still a fun wild ride with this decade. I’ve had plenty of fond memories and developed lots of new interests, though having lots of suffering in the process, but still, it was a joy to live through out this decade. Can’t wait to see what will the decade have in store. Still not expecting for real life to become the future like we see in pop culture, but I’m sure there’s still going to be some great technological advancements and most important of all, lots of amazing pop culture! (I know lately has been mediocre with neglectful creators and corporates and cringey memes inserted by old men, but who really cares?)

I’m really hoping for a far positive 2020 decade, but as you would expect, countless groups of SJWs attacking innocent artists, scummy corporates, cringeworthy memes and pretty much everything else will remain unchanged.

But regardless, there’s still going to be amazing new things we’re going to discover to love and hate this decade and the Reiwa period!

As I said at the beginning of this post, this is the last post I’m going to make because lately I’ve seriously been getting burned out by writing the same posts and the worst part is that I’m always trying to make them huge and I really have no idea to process these posts. Another reason why is that I want to start focusing on my career as an author, I just need to get over this blogging side to be over and I’m sure it’s going to be even more painful than blogging, but that’s something I really want to focus and don’t want the blogging to get in my way.

As for the future of making posts like these, I’m just going to make like a thread of tweets of my top 10 anime/games/movies of the year with 4 pictures of my top 4 or make a TwitLonger, to make things simple because I’ve really been exhausted on making this post even when I had this MONTHS in the making. Man, I seriously need an agenda so I won’t try to remember certain events that happened.

Anyways, thank you all who supported me over the years and I hope we can continue to support each other out throughout this next decade, whether I succeed with my dreams or not. I love you all. Let’s all do our best, and I so hope I’ll do my best as well, until the day I die!

And just like that, good bye Tumblr. My time is finally done.

UPDATE - February 1st 2020: Nobody is definitely noticing this but every now and then, I’ve been adding some new words into this post. February and I’m still editing this post.

By the way, January was already dismal: I nearly lost my cool with personal opinions again, but my worst nightmare yet is my eternal procrastination. Although I have at least been writing like over 100 words every few days, my constant headache from perfectionism and brainstorming a decent, cohesive and believable story will just never stop.

Not to mention that I haven’t been drawing as regularly like I wanted, and recently, I went back on using my Wacom Bamboo pen tablet and I immediately regret it.

Better not worry, we’re still early into 2020, we only have 10 months to survive and I know I mustn’t rush things, but I really hope I get to be a little more productive as soon as possible.

My Carrd.

#happy new year #new year #happynewyear #newyear #2020

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