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padfootastic · 7 days ago

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can’t help but think of how, if we choose to go by sirius’ characterisation as a private, arrogant teen who only lets a select few into his circle, sirius’ post-azkaban life just have been such an utterly humiliating experience for him.

especially OoTP. when he has all these near strangers in his childhood house, that he hated and loved and ran away from and couldn’t ever escape. if he spent his entire pre-azkaban existence building a cold and aloof persona, not letting people know what his home life had been like, then to have all of these people get a front row seat to it because of kreacher and portrait walburga’s shenanigans must have been near unbearable. to have the entire order, including snape whom he disliked and mistrusted, hear the kinds of names he’s being called.

not only does he have to deal with the retraumatisation of his childhood, but also the fact that he’s flayed open for everyone to see. it’s not only his freedom, innocence, dignity that has been snatched from him but his privacy also. it’s such a cruel thing to experience, on top of everything else.

to have literal children, his godson who he has been kept away from all this while, whom he presumably wants to be able to look up to him, to have him see into the deepest parts of his soul. to have to be so weak in front of him. not only is he subjected to such vileness but he also cannot do anything about it.

sirius has not had a moment of peace in all the time we knew him. it is indignity upon indignity that is heaped onto him. every other character has gotten a moment of respite but him. it fully breaks my heart.

#sirius black #i am in the mood to sob tonight clearly #i just #was reading a fic #where it recounted walburga ad kreacher’s screams and taunts #and it suddenly hit me how humiliating they are?#like #even if it’s an inanimate object and a house elf #to be called an embarrassment and shame of my flesh and filth #by the only remaining members of your family #and to have it be traced back to your family #to know that your mother was alive but did not care that u were in azkaban #and that everyone else knows it too now #to walk around in every corner of your childhood house and be able to see exactly how u grew up #no boundaries no limits #to have other people keep touching parts of your family with the audacity to throw them out #and move it around #to call your home names #i just. cannot imagine.#the level of helplessness he was operating with #is it really any wonder he was the way he was #hell. he was actually so much better than he should’ve been #lesser men would’ve been catatonic or going off on a rage fuelled warpath #it’s so embarrassing to have your parent even correct u in front of friends sometimes #and to hear all this abuse. shouted at you.#and not one person ever stands up for him #or shows him any empathy #i’m actually amazed that even after all these years i’m able to find new tragedies in sirius life #HAS THAT MAN NOT BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH #pen’s notes

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iifishizzleii · 9 months ago

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mmm… *folds arms* 😐 mm.

#can u tell that i was confused #(lwk also annoyed)#should’ve named this as #‘who has the least content’#*slaps a gaz sticker on my blog’#gaz supremacy #cod gaz #kyle gaz garrick #kyle gaz x you #kyle gaz x reader

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kidicaruslover911 · 28 days ago

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idk what mel was still seeing in jayce when she literally had THE cuntiest victorian cat lady informant that dresses like a 1920s underground cabaret blues singer to ever serve like right next to her