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yikeswtfmate · 5 years ago

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(1) New Message from Unknown Number

main masterlist // (1) New Message Masterlist // next part

Summary: Y/N is drunk and can’t remember her ex’s number.

A/N: Hello, it is I, the idiot who writes Social Media AUs when she’s drunk but is too lazy to put them in the proper format and just leaves them to die somewhere on her laptop

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (Social Media AU - that’s a lie, it’s actually just texts in Word format 🤡)

Warnings: swearing, dumbassery

Unknown Number: Hey asshat so listen

Unknown Number: I kno we hvnt spoken since like

Unknown Number: High school but whateve idc

Unknown Number: U’re an asshle so I dnt even care that its like…

Unknown Number: 3 in the morning nvrmd

Unknown Number: Ive ben dared to txt my hottest ex by these evil witchS so

Unknown Number: Here u go

Unknown Number: At least u had decent abs so congrats on tht jfc

Unknown Number: also u dnt get to complain abt this txt bc like

Unknown Number: u dated me for 6 months on a dare so U KNOW WHat this shuold feel like ya

Unknown Number: Wow dude that sounds like a dick move

Unknown Number: Seriously who the hell dates someone for 6 months on a dare?

Unknown Number: Doesn’t that only happen in movies though?

Unknown Number: hey bitchass dont act like u don’t kno what im talkinG abt

Unknown Number: Oh shit yeah, sorry. I don’t know who this asshole of an ex is but I sure as hell am not him

Unknown Number: Dude sounds like a complete waste of human space

Unknown Number: And I think I wouldn’t get to live it down if my friends would hear I did something that shitty

Unknown Number: Wait lemme ask Sam

Unknown Number: Nah, he says Steve would’ve beaten my ass if I were to do that so there u go

Unknown Number: m sorry who tf are u

Unknown Number: Bucky

Unknown Number: what kind of stupid name is bucky

Unknown Number: Shit man, u’re the one blowing up my phone at 3 in the morning, sending me weird ass messages when I don’t even know u and u dare say my name is stupid???

Unknown Number: Sheit srry

Unknown Number: Is been A long night

Unknown Number: nd week

Unknown Number: Actlly make thAt the whle entire fuckin month

Girl with asshole ex: Srry fr bothering u

Unknown Number: It‘s cool

Girl with asshole ex: Hey the witches ask if ure hot

Bonky: Yeah

Girl with asshole ex: WHAT THE FCK MAN AT LEST BE A LIL BIT HUMBLE SMH

Bonky: U wanted me to lie?

Girl with asshole ex: Fair point

Girl with asshole ex: They wnt a pic

Girl with asshole ex: Pic or it didn’t happen punk

Girl with asshole ex: Tht was nat

Bonky: What kind of party are u at that you can constantly text me?

Girl with asshole ex: Wanda’s place

Girl with asshole ex: Girls night

Girl with asshole ex: Getting hammered on wine BITCH

Girl with asshole ex: Also dnt change the subject

Bonky: I don’t even know your name

Girl with asshole ex: Why would I tell u my name I just want to see a suppsdly hot asssd

Bonky: You know mine and now you want me to send u a pic of me

Bonky: Bit of a disadvantage here babe

Girl with asshole ex: Babe?

Girl with asshole ex: BABE?

Girl with asshole ex: Fine

Girl with asshole ex: BABE if I tell u my name will u send a pic of u so we kno u arnt a 60yr old perv

Bonky: I’ll think about it

Girl with asshole ex: Hey fuck u

Girl with asshole ex: Not fair

Bonky: How do I know you’re not the 60yr old perv?

Girl with asshole ex: Cuz she got big tiddies to prove

Girl with asshole ex: And that was wanda

Girl with asshole ex: So now u know my fridsn

Bonky: Still don’t know your name tho babe

Bonky: Also tell Wanda she shouldn’t give out this type of info to strangers

Girl with asshole ex: ure not a stranger anymore bonky

Girl with asshole ex: ure my babe nao

Bonky: I’m going to let that Bonky slide just bc u’re cute

Bonky: But I’m also going to stop replying until you tell me your name

Girl with asshole ex: U think im cute?

Girl with asshole ex:

Girl with asshole ex: I mean u havnt even seen me but thats fair

Girl with asshole ex: Wand and nat say its true so ill believe u rnt lying to me rn

Girl with asshole ex: But I wanna see if ure cute

Girl with asshole ex: Wait why r u up st 3 in the mrng I mean we re drunk but wht r u doing

Girl with asshole ex: Babe u need to take better care of urself

Girl with asshole ex: Babe

Girl with asshole ex: Babe?

Girl with asshole ex: BABE?

Girl with asshole ex: Ph shit ure actually ignoring me

Girl with asshole ex: I dont like this

Girl with asshole ex: I actually like talking to u

Girl with asshole ex: Pls stop ignoring me

Girl with asshole ex: COME BACK AND LOBE ME

Girl with asshole ex: Babe?

Girl with asshole ex: Fine

Girl with asshole ex: It’s Y/N

Bonky: Now, that wasn’t so hard was it?

Babe: fcuk u

Bonky: I’m up at 3 bc we ordered pizza and decided it’s time to beat Sam’s ass in Mario Kart once and for all

Babe: Nd how’s that going for ya?

Bonky: Bitch has been beating us for the past 3 hours

Bonky: Thor is the only one getting at least close to him now so we’re about to give up

Babe: Wait shit how r u replying so fast if ure playing Mario kart tho

Bonky: I gave up two hours ago

Babe: Quitter

Bonky: Just gotta know which fights to pick babe

Babe: Heads up I might be fallin asleep soon

Bonky: Drink some water before that, maybe get some food in u as well to soak up all the alcohol and have an advil close for tomorrow

Babe: Ok MOM

Bonky: Hey Wanda willingly told me you have “big tiddies” so your friends don’t seem to be doing a good job of taking care of you

Bonky: Might as well let me do it so you don’t die tmrw

Babe: Ohhhh so u careeeee babe im touched

Babe: Kkkkkk Ill talk tu u tmrw ill be dead soon

Babe: Nd I do have big tiddies

Bonky: Good night babe

Babe: What the shit

Bonky: I see you survived

Babe: Barely

Babe: My head might explode soon and I feel like I’ve vomited for an entire lifetime

Babe: TMI sorry

Bonky: I’d like to point out I’m glad I don’t have to decipher your texts anymore and that you can actually spell properly

Babe: Fuck you Buckaroo

Bonky: I would also like to remind you that I have on good authority that you have “big tiddies” so don’t make me use that against you

Babe: I am going to kill Wanda

Babe:Ugh I need coffee

Babe: I’ll talk to you later

Bonky: I’ll be waiting for you babe

Babe: So

Babe: BABE

Bonky: Yes baby?

Babe:

Bonky: Nah, you love it

Babe: Fine

Babe: You still haven’t sent a pic of you though. I might be able to rise Nat and Wanda from the dead if you do

Bonky: What do I get in return?

Babe: The promise that I will keep replying even though you might turn out to be an ugly orc?

Bonky: Not enough

Babe: Fine. I’ll keep talking to you until you want me to stop. Or until I get bored of you

Bonky: Eh, you can do better

Babe: What do you WANT?

Bonky: A pic of you in return

Babe: I’m not sending you nudes, perv

Bonky: If I wanted to see you naked and be a dick about it, I could’ve asked last night, don’t worry

Bonky: But if you’ll know how I look it’s only fair I should know how you look

Babe: That sounds reasonable

Bonky: I’d say it’s a fair exchange

Babe: Fine, you first then

Bonky: If you don’t send me a pic of you afterwards babe I will stop replying, just so you know

Bonky:

Babe: Did you type super hot guy with the most beautiful eyes in the world in Google or something?

Bonky: I’m touched but no. Sam took that photo at a work event

Babe: Bitch do you really expect me to believe this is you? That looks like a guy who just stepped out of a magazine, I highly doubt I would have the luck to text him instead of my ex when drunk

Bonky:

Bonky: Are you always this annoying?

Babe: …

Bonky: What? Do you want me to take a selfie with the fucking newspaper now? I read the news online babe, I’m not getting off of this couch just so I can buy a stupid newspaper to prove it’s me

Babe: Do you have one in a suit?

Bonky: …why am I putting up with this?

Bonky: Hold on

Bonky:

Bonky: It’s been 5 minutes, are you going to reply?

Bonky: You still have to send me a picture of you though, a deal is a deal you know

Bonky: Fine, I warned you

Babe: Shit sorry

Babe: Hi Bucky, this is Natasha

Bonky: Hi Natasha. Is Y/N alright?

Babe: Uhm how should I put this?

Babe: Y/N is crying right now and she can’t reply herself

Bonky: What? What happened? Is she okay?

Babe: Oh yeah

Babe: She’s just crying because (and I’m quoting here) you’re “so beautiful, it’s like all my wet dreams and fantasies have come together. I swear this is some cosmic joke, this is not happening”

Babe: I’m not sure if she’s laughing or crying now

Babe: But she keeps yelling at me that I have to send you the most perfect picture of herself that has ever existed or you will stop talking to her

Babe: I think she started crying again because “I will never live up to that level of perfection, he told me that I have to know which fights to pick”

Babe: Uh yeah so here

Babe: 1 Photo Attached

Bonky: Hey Nat, could you tell Y/N that I would like to talk to her now?

Babe: Sure

Babe: Hey

Bonky: Baby?

Babe: Yeah?

Bonky: You picked the wrong fight if you think “you will never live up to this level of perfection”

Babe: Oh God

Bonky: Stop being an idiot

Bonky: And listen to me

Bonky: I would really like to keep talking to you. Mainly because you’re an idiot who makes me laugh, but it’s also the fact that you are the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen in my entire life

Babe:

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes oneshot #social media au #bucky barnes social media au #bucky barnes au #social media #bucky barnes texts

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milkshake-at-pops · 6 years ago

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Tour of the Heart:Chapter 2

chapter 1/masterpost/chapter 3

let us know if you want to be tagged!!

It was another day at the office for Jughead Jones, who had long since given up on being called Forsythe, or, god forbid, Forsythe Pendleton. The nickname had stuck with him since high school, and at this point he was fine with it being his byline. According to his boss, it made him more “clickable.” Whatever, he worked at Buzzfeed, and not in the serious news section either.

Nah, mostly lifestyle and fluff pieces. The sheer volume of internet quizzes and “Top Ten” lists Jug had made was ridiculous. He was up for an actual assignment, the sort of thing he went to journalism school for. Not comparing small fluffy dogs, though they were pretty cute.

“Jughead, can you come into my office for a quick sec!” his boss said, her voice peppy as usual. He used to drink coffee before working here, but there wasn’t any left with Ethel there. She drank caffeine like some of Jughead’s friends drank alcohol:to excess.

“Yeah, be out in a second,” Jughead said, absentmindedly scrolling through his twitter feed. Ugh, another Arch Andrews fan account. I mean, I know why it’s being suggested, but…

“This week, Jughead!” Ethel persisted. Can’t we do this over email? Jughead thought, closing his laptop and walking into her cubicle.

“So, we’re in a very unique position right now,” Ethel said, shuffling around the files on her desk and sorting them into stacks. “Normally, I’d send someone a little more seasoned, but because of your age, your degree, and the fact that everyone else in the meeting room suddenly was swamped with work when I suggested it, you’ve got to cover it, Jugs.” She looked up at him, eyes blown wide in excitement. A little too wide, actually. There was definitely a crack-addict vibe going on there.

But still. An actual story, in this economy. That was new. Although Jug didn’t see how his age fit into it, there wasn’t an employee here over 35. At twenty-two, he was basically middle aged compared to the eighteen year old interns passing through.“Ok. Um, what is it?”

“Veronica Lodge. We need someone to cover her tour, she’s a breakout star and we want the exclusive before some trash gossip picks it up. Her people said they want someone who can live-in on the tour, someone who won’t get super starstruck, and a big feature article. It’s a risk, but you’re the best candidate, assuming they like you.” Ethel looked at Jughead, sizing him up from black jeans to flannel to beanie. The only thing that could top this outfit off was some avocado toast. “I think you’ll work, but the question is whether you want to do it or not. It’s going to be months on the road, away from home…”

“Of course. I’ll do it, I would love to cover their tour.” And Archie Andrews. “When do I meet them and all that stuff?” Jughead was doing a very bad job of concealing his enthusiasm. This offer had two things he was head over heels for: An actual article, and Arch Andrews.

Ethel looked slightly perturbed that he’d agreed so quickly, but didn’t seem to care. “Ah, a week from now or so. I’ll let everyone know you’ve agreed.” Ethel typed something on her computer, probably that email. “In the meantime, I think they need another books quiz? There should be an email, they really liked the Great American Novels one you did.”

Like that, he was dismissed to his desk. Jughead found the email and got to work, but all he could think about was his new assignment. Months in a tour bus with Veronica Lodge and Archie Andrews. Veronica was destined to be a legendary singer, if you asked Jughead, which made the assignment enticing. What made it even more compelling was Archie Andrews, the guy who Jug had been crushing on since, oh, he’d known he existed. About two months ago.

It started out innocently enough. He was looking for “rare”(not mainstream) music for an “article”(top 15 list), and came across Arch on youtube. One video of the guy and his guitar and Jug was a lost cause. He’d been caught making heart eyes at his computer enough to tarnish his reputation, but losing his intimidation factor couldn’t make Jug stop stalking his twitter, instagram, facebook, tumblr, google+ (before it died), youtube, snapchat…well, everything.

Now he was going to get to spend four months in a tour bus with the guy? The angels had answered Jughead’s prayers, and he put together his stupid quiz on autopilot, lost in a fantasy world.

He finished in no time, and didn’t even bother opening up another window to stalk Archie Andrews’ Instagram. Hey, at this point it was research, not…gaping at his abs. Well, it was kind of both but Jughead was sticking with the research story in case Ethel walked by.

Jughead’s phone pinged with a text from Cheryl. He looked at the message.

accompany me to a photoshoot darling?

Well, he could use the excuse, and he missed Cheryl. He hadn’t seen her in weeks, and he needed to ask her about the twitter flirting he’d seen between her and Veronica Lodge. If this whole article thing worked out, Jug had to get the two of them together, or at least try. It was the least he could do for the friend who had kept him from losing his shit basically on the daily during college. His fingers tapped out a message.

Sure. When and where?

Cheryl texted back within a second.

Tmrw 4:00 the cherry blossom tree

The what now? I have no idea where that is. AM or PM?

ugh it’s at city park. and pm wtf jug

I never know with your crazy model life.

jug i haven’t been awake at 4 am since college you know this

Just being thorough, sorry. Thanks for the info, can’t wait to see you there

A message from Toni appeared at the top of his screen, asking him to go out for coffee. Jughead clicked off his phone. Eh, it was breaktime anyways. He left the office.

#tour of the heart #riverdale #riverdale fanfiction #riverdale fic #jarchie #archie andrews #jughead jones #jughead x archie #gay #wip #chapter 2 #celeb au #i'm heckin tired but this chapter is getting Posted

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kagetatsumis · 6 years ago

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85 Questions Tag

Rules: answer these 85 questions about yourself and then tag 20 people

thanks @highlady-of-slytherin for tagging me!! <3

Last

drink: was actually tea from a chinese restaurant i was just at for dinner lol

phone call: home to get picked up from practice

text message: to a friend about doing hw so i could go watch a movie at her house tmrw

song you listened to: uh Hurt Somebody by Noah Kalan and Julia Michaels (should be that idk)

time you cried: sometime in the last month probs i can’t really remember a specific date

Ever

dated someone twice: i haven’t dated anyone so nope

kissed someone and regretted it: well i have to first kiss someone rip

been cheated on: no bc we weren’t actually dating so it doesn’t really count as cheating?

lost someone special: yeah

gotten drunk and thrown up: nope

fave colors? green

In the last year have you?

made new friends: yes

fallen out of love: yeah :c

laughed until you cried: yes

found out someone was talking about you: yes (like all the time rip)

met someone who changed you: yes yes yes

found out who your friends are: sadly i actually have found out that some of my friends aren’t really great friends

kissed someone on your facebook friends list: need to kiss someone first so nope

General

how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: like almost all of them

do you have any pets: no :c i want a cat

do you want to change your name: not really

what did you do for your last birthday: went shopping with friends then had dinner with other friends lol

what time did you wake up today: 6 am sigh xc life

what were you doing last night at midnight: sleeping

what is something you can’t wait for: lowkey falling in love and having someone who falls in love with you too. i’m a hopeless romantic

what are you listening to right now: the sounds of the night LOL no music is playing bc i’m supposed to be doing hw

have you ever talked to a person named tom: uhhh no? wow that’s weird

something that gets on your nerves: (same sam) people who talk to me while i’m reading so i can’t actually read

most visited website: lowkey might be tumblr not sure

hair colour: dark brown/black

long or short hair: is this my hair or my preference? it’s like medium lol just past my shoulders

what do you like about yourself: my intelligence and my personality

want any piercings: nah i’m good

blood type: dude idk

nicknames: none

relationship status: single

zodiac sign: capricorn

pronouns: she/her

fave tv show: i don’t have one

tattoos: none

right or left handed: right

ever had surgery: nope

piercings: 0

sports: cross country and long distance track (and soccer back in the day)

vacation: wish i could go more often but we always just go to national parks so it’s pretty :)

trainers: my shoes?? um...asics? lol

eating: i approve

drinking: water + THAI TEA

i’m about to watch: sierra burgess is a loser

waiting for: life to get better and the ability to write again

want: to become a successful writer and to find someone who will matter

get married: yeah that would be nice in the future

career: i need to go to college first

hugs or kisses: hugs

lips or eyes: eyes

shorter or taller: taller

older or younger: older

nice arms or stomach: i think arms...or i’m not too sure

hookup or relationship: relationship

troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant for a real life boy, troublemaker if you’re a book character

Have you ever?

kissed a stranger: nope

drank hard liquor: nope

lost glasses: don’t have glasses

turned someone down: yeah :c

sex on the first date: haven’t had sex and i wouldn’t want it on the first date

broken someone’s heart: sadly :C

had your heart broken: yeah... (well i can’t tell if i’m heartbroken or just upset it didn’t work out...)

been arrested: nope

cried when someone died: yes

fallen for a friend: did it have to be someone you were friends with for like...more than class? bc then no? but i’ve crushed on class friends

Do you believe in?

yourself: yeah usually

miracles: yeah

love at first sight: maybe?

kiss on the first date: no because i’m pretty big on like physical contact so kisses are gonna have to come when we’re actually dating and serious

angels: not really

Other?

best friend’s name: susanna + michelle

eye colour: light brown

fave movie: right now i suppose it’s to all the boys i’ve loved before but i don’t actually have one

favourite actor: um idk lol

favourite food: pasta!!!!!

extrovert or introvert: i am a crazy introvert

favourite flower: lavender

favourite hello kitty characters: what O:

tagging: @goldbooksblack @librarian-of-velaris @slytherclaw713 @bookaholic1012 @thelaughingzeebra and anyone who wants to do this

#tagged #tag games

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literallyprentissstwin · 7 years ago

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SURVIVAL TACTICS - Spencer Reid x Reader

this was requested by an anon <3

Prompt: “I´m pregnant.”

Characters: Spencer Reid x Y/N Y/L/N, mention of the team, Lennart, the unsub, hostages

Warnings: hostage situation, mild to heavy angst, pew pew

A/N: okay this got wayy loonger than i wanted it to be and i could easily have split it into a two parter but no (: so there you go! also i could have done this in a fluffy way, but my angsty ass though “mhhh better not. go with the angst.” so i did :) thank you to @illegalcerebral and @veroinnumera for helping me and especially thank you to sarah for prereading it and being my human sounding board <3 also this will be then only update today :) tmrw you´ll get some writing and the reading list :) enjoy! and feedback is kind of appreciated, a lot tbh! :)

To say Y/N was happy would be the understatement of the century. She just couldn´t believe it, she was over the moon and beyond.

Y/N was pregnant. Well, she and Spencer actually never planned to have a child yet since they were dating for only 4 months now, but they had talked about it before and both of them always wanted to have kids of their own. Now, it would finally happen and Y/N couldn´t wait to tell him about it. To make sure the test wasn´t mistaken, she called her doctor and set up an appointment for the next day. If he would confirm it, she would talk to Spencer about it.

Thoughts were running through her head. How would he react? Would he be as happy as she was? Suddenly, she started to imagine the worst case scenarios in her mind. What if he thought it all would have been a mistake? What if he suddenly doesn´t want a child or if he wasn´t ready yet? Would he reject her? Or the child? Tears started to gather inside Y/N´s eyes. Angrily, she wiped them away and took a deep breath. Why should he react like this? After all, he wanted to be a dad someday and he loved her, so everything would turn out just fine...right?

Y/N was pregnant, 8 weeks already to be exact. The doctor confirmed it yesterday and Y/N had spend all day to plan how to approach the subject with her boyfriend. The couple agreed to go out for dinner after work today. This would be where Y/N wanted to break the news to him or how it was originally planned, if there hadn´t been a case which came up.

The team was called in on a local hostage situation in a bank. A man was trying to roub out the bank. All the team knew was that there were 20 people inside, five of them were kids and the man had already shot the manager as well as his partner. He was loosing it; this was why the BAU has been called in.

Within ten minutes, the team arrived at the scene, starting to coordinate their actions with the local police department. Just as they were about to form a plan, the unsub called and Rossi picked up the phone.

“This is SSA David Rossi with the FBI. Who am I talking to?”

“It´s none of your business. If you want all those people alive, I want you to fulfill my demands.”, the man spoke.

“Okay, what do you need?”, the agent asked.

“Oh, first of all, I would prefer speaking to your pretty friend on your left. Give her the phone or else I have to kill someone.”

Hesitating a bit and realising, that he must be watching them, Rossi gave the phone to Y/N:

“Hello, this is Agent Y/N Y/L/N. What´s your name?”

“It doesn´t matter, sunshine.”

“Oh, it does to me. I´d like to know the people I´m talking to by their name.”, Y/N replied.

“You can call me Lennart, but the name isn´t one of your bigger problems, Agent Y/L/N.”

“Okay, Lennart. Nobody has to get hurt, okay? What about you tell me what you need and I´ll see what I can do.”, Y/N negotiated whil exchanging glances with her teammates.

“Well, it´s up to you if someone gets hurt, so you bette do what I say.”, Lennart replied and took a deep breath before he continued, “all I need is a private jet ready to fly me wherever I wanna go. If the jet is ready, I wanna leave the building without someone following me.”

“That´s it?”, Y/N asked.

“Yes, I think that´s enough. You´ve got one hour.”

“Wooah, Lennart, we need more.”

“Honey, you won´t get more. I want the jet ready in an hour. If not, I´m gonna kill everyt single hostage in that building.”, and with that, Lennart ended the call.

“It´s impossible. We can´t give him the jet.”, Derek said.

“There needs to be something elese we can do.”, Spencer agreed.

“There has to. We can´t let 20 people die in there.”, Y/N said and excused herself while she walked away from the group, Reid quickly following her.

Y/N was leant against a FBI van, feeling a bit dizzy and overwhelmed and tried to gather her thoughts. She didn´t hear Reid coming up beside her.

“Hey, you okay?”, he asked full of concern.

“Yeah...I´m fine, it´s just...”, she began but was interrupted by Reid wrapping his arms around her.

“I know...I hate it too. But we´ll get them out of there. I promise.”

“What do you mean he won´t get the jet? We just agreed there isn´t another choice.”, Y/N exclaimed ,”we don´t have any other plan either.”

“I know...but we can not let him escape.”, Hotch reasoned.

“So we take in stake the death of 15 adults and five kids rather than letting him escap where we could track him at any time?”, Y/N practically screamed.

“Hey, Y/N, calm down.”, Reid tried to reassure his angry girlfriend.

“No, I´m not gonna calm down. I don´t know about you, but I don´t wanna be responsible for the deaths of these 20 people who rely on us.”, the young woman said.

“We´ll get them out, Y/N. We just need to ask for more time or develop another plan.”, Emily replied.

“Which he won´t grant us. These people are gonna be dead, guys. The second we tell him the jet won´t be here, he´ll panic and kill them.”, JJ answered., supporting Y/N.

“There´s only one option left.”, Y/N said as she took off her cevlar vest and her gun and badge.

“No way, Y/N.”, Reid reasoned as he got closer to her.

“It´s the only thing we have left. If I´ll go inside, I can at least try to get some hostages free and secure the scene, so you could get in.”

“This is stupid.”, Emily stated at which her co-workers agreed.

“Well, we need to do something and I won´t keep standing her and watch how he kills everyone.”

“I go!”, Reid offered and looked at Hotch, who started to think.

“I hat to say it, but Y/N´s right. Let her go inside, she already got his trust and he seems to be interested in her, so she would be the only one who could get him to surrender.”, the Unit Chief explained.

“Fine...”, Y/N agreed and turned to walk towards the bank, hoping to get back alive. God, why was she doing this again?

“Lennart? Hey, it´s me. Y/N, remember? We talked earlier this day!”, Y/N said calmly as she entered the building. The unsub, who got scared, grabbed a man and held him in front of himself like a shield.

“Wooah, calm down. I´m only here to talk.”

“Where is my jet?”, Lennart wanted to know.

“We still need time, Lennar. It´s on its way, but it doesn´t work that quick.”

“I gave you an hour. That´s long enough.”, he replied, voice shaky, as he placed the gun with equal shaky hands at the head of the man.

“No, Lennart, look at me. Nobody has to get hurt in here. You´ll get your jet. As long as it hasn´t arrived, you´ve got me. So you can let at least the women and kids go. They have nothing to do with it.”

“Why should I do that?”, Lennart asked as he pushed the man aside.

“Maybe as a sign of good will? Look at them, they are scared. They are not responsible for any of this here, please.” After starring eachother down for what felt like an eternity, he gave in.

“Okay, go. GO!”, he yelled towards them and the hostages immediatley ran outside.

“Great, thank you!”, Y/N sighed relieved.

“What no, sweatheart? I´m still waiting.”

“Well, we could talk. Why this? What´s the reason for this?”

“No...don´t waste my time. Get that damn jet here.”

“Is it because you need the money? Or because of the fame and reputaion in the news? Or maybe it wasn´t your plan, huh? It was your partners plan, but since he already was killed or should I say killed himself, you´re stuck in this alone.”

“Shut up.”

“Is it that? You´re just a sidekick without a plan?”

“I told you to shut up or..”

“Or what, Lennart? You´re gonna shoot me? Nah, you couldn´t hurt a fly.”, Y/N replied provocatively.

“You don´t know me.”, Lennart spit back as he started to pace back and forth.

“Oh, I learned more about you in the past 10 minutes than you think. Do you wanna hear what I think is going on?”

Lennart kept quiet, he was trapped and didn´t know what to do.

“Well, here´s my guess: You´re way too emotional and soft for this. You keep threatening to kill someone, but I think you don´t have the guts to do so. All this was your friends idea, but now that he is dead you´re the only one responsible for this which was his plan from the very beginning. You were just too naive to notice. Also, you´re married which I can see at your ring. You seem like a caring person who loves his wife. I saw it in the look you gave the other women and the kids. You didn´t want to hurt them, because you are a father and husband too and you could never ever hurt them. You wouldn´t volunteer to do such a thing. You were forced into doing it to secure their safety.”

Again, ther was silence.

“How much of it was right?”, Y/N wanted to know. Lennart sighed.

“The only way to get out of this safely is to go out there with me.”, Y/N suggested.

“Not a chance! As soon as I am going out there, I´ll be dead.”, Lennart reasoned as he kept pacing.

“Not when I´m with you. So...what are you doing?”

“DON´T SHOOT!”, Y/N screamed as she exited the bank together with Lennart. Immediatley, her team and the cops came closer, but lowered their guns.

“He surrender, right? He came out here to stand up for what he did.”, Y/N told them, but Lennart didn´t seem to pay attention.

Suddenly, he noticed the snipers on the roofs.

“YOU BITCH!”, he yelled as he grabbed Y/N and held her close to him, gun pressing against her head, “you lied to me!”

“No, Lennart, no. I did not know about the snipers, really. Look, I´m the only thing right now between you and a bullet and since I´m pregnant, I woldn´t risk anything.”

Well, this wasn´t how she had planned on confessing it but oh well. she needed to get out of this, alive.

Y/N heard gasps coming from her team and Reid looked like he was about to faint. IN that moment, she felt incredibly sorry. She was being reckless and putting not only herself but also her baby in danger.

“I´m sorry.”, she mouthed towards Spencer who has seemed to go into shock.

“No...”, Lennart spoke up, “I´m not going into jail. No.”

“Lennart, listen, It´s over, okay? Let Y/N go and maybe we can talk about everything.”, Aaron tried to talk to the man, who only tightened the grip on Y/N.

“Lennart...please...think about your family. They wouldn´t want you to do this.”, Y/N said, struggling with air.

“They´ll understand...I´m sorry...”, and with that, Lennart pushed Y/N hardly towards the ground before he raised his gun to shoot at the cops; a battle he lost.

“NO, STOP,STOP!”, Reid yelled as he tried to get closer to Y/N, who was laying on the ground. As the shots subsided, he quickly ran at her side.

“Y/N...hey...”, he knelt down and quickly checked for injuries, letting out a breath as he didn´t see any, “thank god!”

“I´m okay...I just sprained my wrist.”, Y/N said as she leant in to hug Spencer.

He held her tight, but suddenly pushed her back.

“Yre you out of your mind? Going into such a dangerous situation in this condition? What were you thinking?”, he wanted to know as he looked at his girlfriend.

“I thought about doing my job and saving those people, Spence.”; Y/N replied, trying to get up, her knees shaking, “I-I´m sorry for scaring you. Please don´t be mad.”

“Just promise you wont do it again” Y/N nodded but knew that this was a promise which she would break again to protect her loved ones. Reid smiled.

“Y-You´re really pregnant?”

“Yeah..8 weeks along. I found out two days ago and actually planned on telling you tonight during dinner. I-I know it´s quite early yet since we´re together for only 4 months and I can totally understand if you aren´t ready to be a Dad yet, but..”, Y/N´s rambling was interrupted by Reid kissing her passionately. After they broke apart, he smiled at her.

“I´m the happiest person. I´m so excited. We´re gonna have a baby.”, he laughed and hugged her before he wirled her around, causing everyone else to smile too.

“I love you so much!”; Spencer said as he let her down again and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“I love you too!”, Y/N replied, more than happy with the way Spence reacted.

“Come on, let´s get you checked out and then head home!”, Reid said as they made there way over to the ambulance, smiling brightly and overly excited for what was about to come.

@ultrarebelheart @illegalcerebral @dontshootmespence @obsessed5sosfreak @remember-me-forever-silent-angel @imagicana @marvelfanlife @liz-a-22 @sunreid @amaybedeadcat @mybabys-gunsandroses @littledizzyhurricane @shaelyn102 @shiningmish @michellelisa @iammostdefinitelyonfire26 @fl0werb0nes18 @ceciliawho @butsomeofusarelookingatthestars @anton-shudders @sayernita @rubenlosthischeeks @jessiedangerous @badwolf-at-bay @ssa-aaronhotchner @veroinnumera @acespence @captainreid @ssaunitchief @lesbian-asajj @alienlynz @massivelyproudmixer @tenaciousarcadeexpert @crimindsaspe @lookwhatyoumademequeue

#criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds reader insert #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid reader insert #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid angst #this got way too long i am so sorry

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imagineproduce101 · 7 years ago

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Passion Ch. 7

*previously titled ‘Can’t Remember to Forget You*

Ever since you accidentally spilled your lunch on Im Youngmin, the popular chaebol senior with money and fame, he’s seemed to hate you. However, when some odd photos of the two of you arguing appear in a tabloid, he has a solution as to how you can make up for it– pretend to be his girlfriend.

high school au + fake dating au

same universe/basic timeline as let me love you

ch one | ch 6 | ch 8

As summer officially started, you found yourself going on a number of dates with Youngmin—fake date, of course. You’d gone to different restaurants around the city, gone on a group date with a few of Youngmin’s friends, and taken Daehwi to the zoo. Through it all, you realized that Youngmin wasn’t a shitty person on the inside, he just tried to act like a shitty person, and that was something that you still didn’t understand, nor was it something that you were planning on excusing him for.

The group date with Youngmin’s friends had, unsurprisingly, been a trainwreck. His friends were loud, obnoxious, and you could tell that Youngmin was getting more and more irritated at their crass remarks.

Taking Daehwi to the zoo was a much more pleasant affair. Daehwi, of course, was delighted to go somewhere with the two of you, skipping happily as he clutched onto both of your hands. It was nice to get an afternoon off of dancing and working in the grocery store, and Daehwi’s wide smiles and gasps at the various animals made it even better.

Youngmin was also starting his internship soon. Surprisingly enough, he didn’t talk very much about it. You had been sitting at an outdoor table at the zoo, across from Youngmin, when you brought it up.

“So, when does your internship start?” You asked casually, watching Daehwi jump down from a rather large rock.

Youngmin glanced over at you, and then back down at the frozen yogurt cup he had been holding for Daehwi. “Couple days, actually.”

Your lips curled up into a half-smile, surprised at yourself for even caring. What had this world come to? “You nervous?”

“Nah,” Youngmin’s eyes darted over to you again, and you could tell he was lying. The two of you remained in silence for a little while longer, both of you knowing full well how worried he was. You didn’t have to hear from Youngmin about this internship; everyone from school was already talking about it. It was the Samsung internship, the one that streamlined high school graduates into management positions, or even higher.

Knowing how important and nervewracking the internship was, you were surprised to hear from Nayoung that Youngmin’s parents were leaving for a business trip to Japan the weekend before he started. Then again, you weren’t really that surprised.

As you settled down to get some sleep before an early shift in the grocery store, you glanced over at your phone.

To: im ym

Good luck tmrw

With a sigh, knowing you’d done the right thing, you rolled over.

You hadn’t even closed your eyes for a few seconds before your cell phone started ringing. Without checking the caller ID, you held the phone up to your ear.

“Yes?”

“(y/n),” Youngmin said breathlessly, “(y/n), it’s, it’s Daehwi, he, he—“

“Woah, Youngmin,” you sat up in bed, alarmed at Youngmin’s voice. You don’t think you’d ever heard the boy so distraught. “Take a deep breath and then tell me.” You heard Youngmin take in a shaky breath.

“It’s Daehwi,” Youngmin repeated, “he, he has a fever, and says his stomach hurts, and that he might throw up, and (y/n), I have no idea what to do, my step-mom isn’t here, and I’m at home by myself, and Daehwi won’t stop crying.”

“Hey, Youngmin, it’s gonna be okay,” you said quickly, keeping your phone to your ear as you clambered out of bed, yanking a few things into a large bag that had been lying on your floor, “I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

“Thank you, (y/n),” Youngmin sighed, “I should get back to Daehwi.”

“Deep breaths, Youngmin,” you reminded him, “if you feel like you’re getting panicky, call me again, okay?”

“Yeah,” Youngmin replied. You could just imagine him nodding, and you shook your head. You were moving so quickly to get some flu and cough medication into your bag, along with a change of clothes that you didn’t have time to think fully about the situations, or its implications. You dashed out of your house, hurriedly flagging down a taxi.

When you finally arrived at Youngmin’s house, you could faintly hear Daehwi’s sobs.

“He’s miserable, (y/n),” Youngmin whispered, looking down at you with a pained expression, looking just as miserable. You nodded, following Youngmin into Daehwi’s room.

“Hey, Daehwi,” you smiled, going to carefully push the hair out of Daehwi’s eyes. He definitely had a fever, if his burning forehead and flushed cheeks said anything.

“Noona?” Daehwi peered up at you, sniffling, “I feel like I’m on fire, noona, can you make it go away? My stomach really hurts too.”

“Do you feel like you might throw up still?” You asked, concerned. It sounded like he might have caught the flu. Daehwi nodded, whimpering. “Okay, I’m going to give you some flu medicine, if that’s okay with you? It’s just for kids, so the dosage will be alright.”

You looked at Youngmin, just to make sure that he was alright with it as well.

“I know how to swallow pills,” Daehwi said, still trying to make you and Youngmin proud, even though he was sick. Youngmin grinned, having appeared with a glass of water. Daehwi gulped down the medicine, wincing at the taste of it, before curling up underneath his blanket.

“It’ll start working in about 20 minutes,” you told the small boy, who nodded sleepily.

“Do you want some tea or anything? Some soup?” You asked, ruffling Daehwi’s hair.

“Some tea, if it’s not a trouble,” Daehwi murmured, clearly close to sleep. You nodded, getting up. Youngmin and you headed to the kitchen.

As you started boiling some water, you realized something, turning away from the stove suddenly

“Hey Youngmin—“

Your eyes widened as your body nearly slammed into Youngmin’s. He’d been walking towards you to hand you a tea bag, and as you narrowly missed crashing into him, his arm darted out to steady you, hand firm on your waist. The two of you stood there, your eyes wide as you realized just how close your body was to his. You could feel the warmth radiating off of him, and was acutely aware of the sharp inhale of his breath.

“Careful,” Youngmin murmured, before gently placing the teabag into your hand. As you turned to make a cup of tea, you couldn’t help but notice how cold you felt.

Silently, you finished up the cup of tea and hurried into Daehwi’s room. He had already fallen asleep, breathing peacefully, and you smiled at the sight, setting the mug down on his nightstand. When you went back to the kitchen, Youngmin was pulling the rice cooker out from underneath the sink, yawning.

“Wait, Youngmin,” you called, frowning, “isn’t tomorrow the first day of your internship?”

Youngmin looked over at you in confusion, “yeah, why?”

“Youngmin, it’s already midnight,” you exclaimed, taking the rice cooker from him, “you should go to sleep, really. I can make you something quick for lunch, but you should get rest for your big day.”

Youngmin stared at you for a few more seconds, the heavy look that made your stomach turn with a strange feeling. Finally, he sighed, a small smile dancing on his lips before trudging off to the bathroom.

You started on making the rice, thinking over everything that had happened that night. You tried to assure yourself that the reason you’d raced to the Im household so quickly was for Daehwi’s sake, but a small part of you knew that it had something to do with the tinge of desperation in Youngmin’s voice when he had called you.

“(y/n).”

You looked up at the sound of your name, and that same weird tug in your stomach made you feel like you’d just run three miles uphill. Youngmin was in a loose t-shirt and sweats, hair damp from a quick shower. He shot you a smile, holding up a new toothbrush package.

“Thank you, for everything,” he said quietly as you picked up the toothbrush up, murmuring a quiet thanks. “I-I know that things have a bit strange lately, but I really appreciate it.” You ducked your head, trying to hide your quickly reddening cheeks. It was that damn stare of his, the quiet, weighted one, that always seemed to make you blush.

“It’s—“ you cleared your throat, cheeks reddening even more. Youngmin’s lips twitched up into a tiny grin. “It’s no trouble, don’t worry about it.”

Youngmin paused, looking at you for a beat more before smiling fully, “good night, (y/n).”

“Night, Youngmin.”

teehee are those feelings i see being caught hmmm

im on winter break i will rise and finally write! also maybe if the gods are willing i will finish this damn story before the new year.

#produce 101 #produce 101 imagine #produce 101 fanfiction #produce 101 scenario #im youngmin #im youngmin imagine #im youngmin scenario #im youngmin fanfiction #mxm #mxm fanfiction #mxm scenario #mxm imagine

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albeloved · 7 years ago

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Hey everyone, long time no see. Little life update for ya (or a big life update lol) • I turned 22 last month. Holy shit guys I’m in my 20’s. Less than 10 years and be 30 😳 • my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years and I broke up. Honestly never thought this would happen, but when someone says they’re going to do something and it never follows through, you tend to care less and less. I’m still not 100% sure if it was the right decision but I could feel myself getting less attracted to him. • work still sucks a heap and they scheduled me a double on Mother’s Day, so my mom and I are celebrating tmrw instead. Fuck Cracker Barrel, it’s just a job. I’m going to take Fridays off my availability and pick up shifts when I want because that’s the day I can usually see my “grandma” Kathy. I need to spend more time with her. I also think I might also take Saturday and Sunday nights off my availability so I can have a normal weekend night out with friends. • my Jurassic Park tattoo is finally complete (I think). After this last session is done healing I’ll decide whether I want more foliage or nah. • should I go team geology and make hella bank? Or go team ecology and make a reasonable amount? I don’t have much time to decide • my best friend Stormi is my soul sister. She’s everything I could’ve asked for in a best friend. She’s my ride or die. She’ll be my bridesmaid. And who knows maybe we’ll be each others first lesbian experience 🤷‍♀️ ps she wants us to get “pp” on our pinky fingers as my birthday present to her come August. It’ll stand for pinky promise, but also Pussy Partner 👅 • I’m on tinder now and never in a million years did I think I’d get this many guys messaging me 😂 like I’m so surprised. Also might have a date tonight with one! • I miss talking to you guys and I wish you’d all message me more because I love each and every one of you for keeping up with this hectic and yet lame af life of mine

#personalposts #life update #geology #ecology

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valverdes · 8 years ago

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lol @mesutmadrid @iwobifc @aubameyangs tagged me, im lovs them v much so i Must do it

Age: 18 Birthplace: warsaw, poland lmao Current time: 10:53 pm oh fuck Drink you had last: water, bc im a hydrated binch Easiest person to talk to: me, myself and i Favorite song: this is whot makes us girls, lana del rey Grossest memory: when i was like 14 or something eaoipgjepoge we went to swim at the great barrier reef and i Realized it was That time of the month after we had boarded the boat, i guess it was icky idk i lov swimming so i all worked out Horror, yes or no: lmao hell nah Killed someone: my motivation and will to live Love at first sight or should i walk past again: jus go home lov is fake anyways Middle name: its jus a blank space, i have none *sad face* Number of siblings: Uno One wish: i wanna move onto my next life where i’m a cat Person i called last: my friend Question i’m always asked: “omg how is your english so good” man idk Reason to smile: im graduating tF outta hs tmrw Time i woke up: 8:30 am Underwear color: navy blue Vacation: south east asian islands Worst habit: i nap more than i like breathe X-rays: i used to like live at the hospital so ive gotten one for literally every bone Your favourite food: steak bitch Zodiac: scorpio! jot that down!

i tag: i think everyone already got tagged/did it but i’ll still tag @sergirobreto @ikercf @ikercasiillas @potatonicloss @iscomorata @james-rodriquez @borjitamayoral @yedlinny @terfinhaaa

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midlifemagazine · 8 years ago

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MIXLIFE 3: Nevrland

In the MIXLIFE series we will ask artists that we love to make a mixtape and we will ask them some questions about it. In this third MIXLIFE we are presenting Nevrland, the Belgian duo consisting of Munix and Ssaliva. This mix aired as a guest mix on our monthly radio show on Internet Public Radio.

MIDLIFE: hey boys

MUNIX: goedenavond

MIDLIFE: bonsoir : ))

SSALIVA: yio

MIDLIFE: how is everyone?

SSALIVA: good good. Police academy 6 on tv so cant complain. MUNIX: yupp good too, no school tmrw, life's ok.

MIDLIFE: haha sounds like you are both chilling....

MUNIX: always haha/i>

MIDLIFE: could u tell where u live?

SSALIVA: Verviers/Liège MUNIX: yupp same

MIDLIFE: ok ok. when did you meet? (classic questions :p) But really wanna know

MUNIX: in liège through our mutual friend Olmo, shouts to Olmo. SSALIVA : hehe no prob. yea through Olmo at a Folie Douce party. MUNIX : then we shared a stage at dour in 2014 with liyo & steff from heartbroken, and both projects (hbkn and nevrland) kind of started from there, and some house parties in liège woods. we started playing together at the house parties, mixed all night long on our computer and having the best fun so we just decided we had to keep doing it. SSALIVA : yea good times.

MIDLIFE: you tell it like its been twenty years ago though

MUNIX: well the parties were exhausting. SSALIVA: hahaha feels like it was ages ago actually… we need to do more house parties i think.

MIDLIFE: you have a good house to do that?

SSALIVA: we have friends who own a house in Liege valleys, we used to do lots of parties there. super isolated, so we used to rent a soundsystem MUNIX: yup very special place, but it's a huge mess everytime so you usually need to find a good occasion.

Would the valleys be a good show if it was recorded in Liege?

MUNIX: valleys? dont think i know the tv show, is it like the hills? oh no they look british. SSALIVA: actually dont know valleys. but basically u can do anything in Liege MUNIX: yeah considering their look I think it would work well in Serain. SSALIVA: lol MUNIX: yeah we have all of the white trash u need down there.

MIDLIFE: are you a bit white thrash yourself?

MUNIX: yeah white is thrash anyway, I guess SSALIVA: guess we are yea. doesnt get better either haha

MIDLIFE: you have a dream to get out of Liege and move to the hollywood hills or something like that? or do you really feel at home where you are?

MUNIX: I dont think any of us wanna get too tropical, were too used to our shit climate. SSALIVA: nah not at all, i just like it a bit country side. if anything i wanna go more towards green areas.

MIDLIFE: with wifi tho ? or at least electricity

MUNIX:Yeah a coutryhouse with just electricity to only make music and stop listening to all the other things happening / being all the time on the internet would be awesome SSALIVA: ideal nevrland move rn would be to rent a cabin for a week or smthg and work on new stuff. MUNIX: a flat in some nice place and god wi fi and a belgian country house would be perfect. SSALIVA: Haha, we re on the same page

MIDLIFE: thanks for the mix btw, really enjoyed.

SSALIVA:❤ MUNIX: Thanks to you! it's all love

MIDLIFE: Do you have a favorite song atm or/ do you have some tracks that have been on repeat the last couple of days?

MUNIX: usually everytime young thug releases something there's your answer hahah. SSALIVA: haha same MUNIX: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uotrEWJaFbg SSALIVA: connection here is shit but i mostly listen to renaissance music these days .

MIDLIFE: Do you have other plans for the future?

MUNIX: yeah in the next months, just have a month left to think about school then life has taste again. SSALIVA: nothing too precise rn, releasing music in the next months basically. can't say much more than that. i mean work on new material is the main thing i guess. SSALIVA:police academy 6 s not so good btw. they should have stopped after the 4th one i reckon.

MIDLIFE: theres an actor named Pat Proft in police academy 6, i thought that was pretty funny.

SSALIVA: haha yea. MUNIX: he's american, wish he was from some country i never heard of where everyone has funny names like that.

MIDLIFE: with two presidential elections in recent times (usa and france) i wonder if you thought about who would be a good candidate for presidency in belgium?

MUNIX: woaaw, eden hazard maybe SSALIVA:haha oui MUNIX: or thibault courtois cuz we can always trust him.

MIDLIFE: im trying to find a way to say bye, because like to keep these kind of short, but was nice talking to you. shoutouts?

MUNIX: yeah was real nice! Shouts to Olmo, Heartbroken, Folie Douce, La Superette, Hermutt Lobby and Radar Radio SSALIVA: Olmo yeaa. 0comeups always MUNIX: oh yeah true i wanted to write it. shouts to him for being so outchea! SSALIVA: and Walter. MUNIX: yeah walter mitchy and everyone else we have love for. And if ur in liège friday come to lara gasparotto's exhibiton we'll be there playing music.

MIDLIFE: oh wait, last thing, please tell me where and how the pics were made !

MUNIX: the photos were taken on the 21st of july in verviers! national day. we found an old graveyard around the city while the fireworks were going. mormorty aka noémie merca took the pitcure. shouts to her! ayyy

MIDLIFE: okay thanksssss, good night!

MUNIX: goedenacht ❤ ❤ ❤ SSALIVA ❤

MIDLIFE: ❤/

MUNIX:❤ u too. And shouts to gavin! ❤ That was fun. SSALIVA: yea thanks g

Listen to Nevrland's MIXLIFE here:

Nevrland on Soundcloud

Photo1 by Noémie Merca and Photo2 by Ssaliva>

#nevrland #ssaliva #munix #heartbroken #midlife

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ravenvsfox · 8 years ago

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5/6 for andreil pls!! You can combine or do them separately whatever floats ur boat

5: “Please don’t do this” (I’m doing them separately im weak, #6 should be out tmrw! also... a phrase with ‘please’ in it.. I’m using up all my dreaming/drunk/dying scenarios)

It’s common knowledge among foxes that waking Andrew is Neil’s job, unless you want to get a fist to the solar plexus. But it’s also true that Andrew is the only one who can extract Neil from his nightmares without scaring him back into the trunk of a car or an evermore bed.

It’s one of the “fun facts” for fox survival that Nicky recites to newcomers: don’t touch Neil when he’s sleeping unless you want to feel like you’ve just kicked a puppy. Don’t touch Andrew under any circumstances if you like your fingers attached to your hands. When in doubt, get whichever one is awake and let them do their voodoo. If they’re both asleep at the same time, you’re fucked. Take pictures.

Andrew never bothers to correct him. There’s nothing to correct, if Andrew’s being honest (and he always is).

Quietly learning to wake each other is the result of bruising trial and error, a hard-won trust that grew like moss over ruins.

It’s still almost impossible, sometimes. Most of the time. Approaching Neil when he’s whimpering and protecting his face with his hands makes Andrew feel even more like a monster than usual.

Neil whispered to him on the bus once that the split second of disorientation in Andrew’s eyes when he wakes makes Neil scared for him.

Andrew starts to recognize the sheepish look of foxes who need to ask their vice-captain something while his head is lolling around Andrew’s shoulder. He almost always wakes him, it’s a clear subclause in his ‘keep Neil out of harms way’ contract, and Andrew’s dutiful when it comes to deals.

There’s a knock on the door at half past three on a Monday morning, and Andrew startles awake in an empty room. He stews in slow annoyance as the front door opens and closes, muffled voices tripping into the bedroom. He gropes for the light switch in the dark, and Kevin flips it on for him, toothbrush sticking out of his mouth, eyebrows shaking hands across the stretch of his forehead.

They have a brief staring contest and then Matt clears his throat from behind them, knocking awkwardly on the door frame.

“Um… Andrew?”

Andrew looks at him blearily. He’s conscious of Matt’s eyes tracking his hair sticking out sideways, one of Neil’s soft nondescript shirts slouching on his chest.

“We need your expertise,” Matt says, grimacing. Andrew turns to retreat to his bed, unimpressed, but Matt huffs. “Neil’s having a nightmare. He fell asleep in our room.”

Andrew stops.

“He’s freaking out,” Matt continues, soft. He makes eye contact with a wild edge that says he’s refusing to let the blankness in Andrew’s gaze phase him.

Andrew pushes past Matt like he’s rolling his sleeves up, breaking out into the strangeness of the dorm at night.

The door to the neighbouring room is open and Aaron’s standing just inside, arms crossed.

“He woke me up,” he says cooly as Andrew passes.

“Jesus weeps,” Matt snarks, hot on Andrew’s heels. He’s looking beyond the twins to where Neil is curled on the floor, trembling. Matt’s face pinches with concern. Dan’s sitting on the couch by Neil’s head in a jersey and bare legs, looking like she’s trying to help just by being nearby. The room has the suddenly bright feeling of a fire alarm going off at night, minds alert inside sleep dulled bodies.

Neil jerks and holds his own arms, and Andrew spots his wet face because he’s looking for it.

He crosses to him and Dan scoots backwards, like Andrew’s a lightning storm and Neil’s water that’s unfit for swimming.

He’s sickly aware of half the team looking on, of how much Neil would hate this.

“Please don’t do this. I’m— let me go,” Neil mumbles, his features all fighting each other. Andrew recoils. He looks up and Aaron’s watching him closely. “Please. Please don’t.”

“Neil.” He shoves his own revulsion to the back of a drawer in his head. Neil’s nightmares have the same aftertaste as Andrew’s. They throb in scars and bind wrists. He puts one hand heavily on the back of Neil’s neck. “Wake up.”

He pushes down a little, so Neil’s face meets the cool floor. The combination of the familiar gesture and the temperature tug him almost instantly awake.

Neil’s hands open but his eyes stay shut. “Thanks,” he says, licking his lips.

Andrew squeezes his neck a little too hard and takes his hand away. “You’re scaring the neighbours,” he murmurs.

Neil opens his eyes and finds Andrew immediately. “Maybe they’re up early enough for morning practice, for once.”

“What, was this pre-meditated?” Matt jokes, and Neil looks up at him, still a little haunted around the eyes.

“It’s something I’m trying,” Neil says wryly, picking himself off the floor and leaning into the base of the couch. Andrew hates being here, but he’s not leaving the room without Neil. He can still see sweat beaded on his upper lip.

“Maybe don’t try it at 3 am, huh kiddo?” Dan says, reaching over to ruffle his hair. He flinches a little, and no one seems to notice but Andrew.

“We’re going,” he says, and Neil meets his eyes gratefully.

“Yeah. I’ll let you guys sleep,” he agrees, glancing from face to tired face.

“It doesn’t bother us, you know that, right?” Matt says. “We all have nights like this. It’s in the job description, for foxes.”

Neil nods weakly, but Andrew knows it hasn’t hit any kind of target. Neil swirls kindnesses around and spits them out again — he hasn’t acquired a taste for them yet.

“Speak for yourself,” Aaron says, rubbing sleep from his eyes and grimacing.

“I was, actually, thanks,” Matt says, rolling his eyes. His posture shifts back to face Neil and his expression shifts with it. “You need anything?”

Neil flickers a look at Andrew. “Nah I’m f—“

“Don’t,” Dan cuts in, laughing.

They walk back to their room with their shoulders not quite close enough to knock, and the aftershocks of whatever Neil had been reliving finally go through him. Andrew pushes him up against the wall before their door, knowing Kevin will be waiting up inside.

“Breathe. Whoever it is, they are dead.”

Neil shakes his head, breathing out through his mouth. “Doesn’t feel like it. He’s still—“ he twists his hands violently in his hair. “Here.”

Andrew reaches up for Neil’s chest and taps two fingers to his heart. “Dead,” he reminds him. “Just like all the Wesninski’s.” He doesn’t say Nathaniel because that wound is fresh and bleeding in Neil’s face.

“It was months ago, I should be able to— sleep, at least.”

Andrew looks at him. Neil glances up and laughs at his expression.

“Yeah, I guess a six month deadline for good mental health isn’t working for me.”

“Try six years,” Andrew says. “Bee has a flow chart.”

“I don’t think 60 years would help.” He frowns. “I don’t think a flow chart would help either.”

Andrew shrugs. Neil’s eyes are back as they should be, blue like clean water.

“Bed?” Andrew asks.

Neil tilts his head, noncommittal. “I’m thinking I might go for a run.”

Andrew nods once, and reaches beyond Neil to twist the door open. They both ignore Kevin as Neil tucks his hair back and toes on runners. Andrew grabs his own shoes and dodges Neil’s curious look.

Neil out in the middle of the night with his own thoughts for company is a panic attack in the making; the sort of thing they’d put in the ‘not to do’ column of a PTSD pamphlet.

They end up running bad dreams into the gutter, Neil poking fun at Andrew’s speed and Andrew ignoring him, the sky watching them with starry eyes.

By the time they get back to fox tower Neil’s eyes are drooping. Andrew invites him into his bed with a tucked down cover, putting his back to the wall and watching as Neil does the same.

He’s holding sleep in the palm of his hand when Neil’s voice steals it away.

“The secret is, it’s better, waking up to you,” he says, secretive and lush. Andrew hears him shifting under the covers, facing Andrew in the dark. “Anyone could put a hand on my neck, and I’d wake up, probably. But I’m glad it’s you.”

Andrew considers this. “Go to sleep.”

Neil makes a noise, and reaches for Andrew’s fingers, kissing them quickly and settling them back on the bed where he found them.

Andrew doesn’t acknowledge it, but his hand pricks with feeling until he falls asleep.

He dreams in orange.

#im so wiped I just wanted to post this before my inevitable face-to-keyboard sleep #aftg #andreil #the foxhole court #tfc fanfic #prompt #mine #tw abuse #a little bit #Anonymous #ask

1K notes · View notes

diary-iguess · 6 years ago

Conversation

wahppn

J: nothing bad it was just really hot and i changed clothes twice

wake up 7 o clock for my interview, eat one piece a bread and some orange juice

ace di interview

dem tell me fi fill out the application twice

some yout try sell me a jelly candy

it cant open, but eventually does

Monique forwards

i meet her friend in the painting studio and we go get a box lunch

i sit down and eat the food

im sweating my life away

R: pepper?

J: before meeting the hustling yout, i left my portfolio in the hr office so mi did have to go back for it

no it's just hot af inna kingston

and i was wearing a long sleeve shirt

Paige seh him nah fwd fi di shoot

Thevrtistisjvmvicvn is sitting next to me, but i'm talking more than he

me a wonda how he can go school in full business attire and not become a puddle of sweat

Yanah appears and asks if she can have something nutritious

on campus

like a shake

Juice immediately says no dawg

Juice is working on a mythological drawing, but the paper he's using is trash and i tell him so

he says something about how it will still sharpen his skills and i said he needs watercolor paper if he's going to mix it with watercolor

is my story interesting?

i'm interested in telling a good story

R: I'm more interested in your friend's names

J: thevrtistisjvmvicvn said he wants to be a curator, but hasn't curated any shows yet

i tell him do that shit

lmao

R: Thevrtistisjvmvicvn, Yanah, Monique and Juice

I actually fucking love Juice

Now i know there are places I can't say that out loud

J: i ask my father if he can pick me up because Paige nah forward

he replies hmm

lmao have you seen the film?

my phone is dying and i have no credit because the tuck shop only selling $500 credit today

*back to the story*

i'm telling you this from my laptop

R: What parent says "hmmm"? was this a text?

J: yes

i knowwww

can't even K me

wtf

my shoes too big for me, so i stand on them instead of wearing them for a bit

Juice is playing music on his phone and one of the songs is from frank ocean's second project that he released the same time as blonde

my mind is blown

R: That must be some song

J: Yanah returns from the tuck shop with water still disappointed that there is no health food available

more mindblowing that he released two projects at once

i tell theartistisja that i like doing projects with many layers of meaning and process

i talk about my ananse storybook thesis and how i want everyone to know ananse is a deity and amina blackwood meeks taught me that

i say something like "yea, she's rad"

i talk about how the first time i met easton lee, i believed someone when they joked that he was 100 years old

and hoped that he didnt remember when i asked him if it was true

im dying laughing rn

my cousin invites me to sit and do work together at starbucks later

my father sends me a message "M is here, please call her through K-dollasign"

R: googled Easton Lee

J: lmao what did you find? he and my grandmother are friends

they're both legendary chinese-jamaicans

R: I can see he's definitely chinese-jamaican

J: yes and so is my grandma lol

R: author, poet

not bad

1931

J: but no doubt their swagger is enwrapped in their proximity to afro-jamaicanness

wow he's 87 this year

or 86?

M is my grandmother

i message K-dollasign

"i heard grandma M is here"

he replies "makes sense"

but intonates that he was not previously informed

i try to decode my father's message and K-dollasigns response

"makes sense"

he must be referring to Shutterbug's wedding

the same one i wasn't sure i was invited to

R: LOL

wow

are you going?

J: wait nuh man

R: lol

J: okay so i reach home, turn on my laptop

charge my phone

i frantically whatsapp my relatives

fb message uncle Macbook to get in touch w grandma

i try to search the internet for clues as to when this wedding will be

my sister says i should just ask Shutterbug if i can come

so i do that

uncle Macbook replies me with a different number to call, i call, get grandma

she says "no, no, no, you can't come to the wedding, the guests have already been counted and there's too many"

my heart sinks

i say, okay, well i can still see you today?

my cousin Carlton who wants to go to starbucks has arrived at my house

R: woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow

J: i try to devise a plan with Carlton and grandma and my dad all talking at once to pick grandma up and she says something about not wanting to be stranded and i say we would never let that happen to her

the phone isn't working very well and at some point my father has the phone

i return to my whatsapp messages on the laptop and Shutterbug has replied!

"hey, we were overcapacity a few months ago, but there's some space now. if you can make it on sunday, please come"

i tell grandma what she said

"okay, but how are you getting there? and where are you going to stay?"

i had not thought of this second part

the wedding is in mobay

R: MUFUFUFUFU

on a beach

duh

just sleep on the beach and get dressed in someones room in the morrow

J: i quickly say "aunty Rose's"

and she has already said she's very busy today and the plan to see me nah work out

"see you in mobay then!"

okay bye grandma, i love you!

"i love you too sweetheart"

now i have to whatsapp aunty Rose and see if she will shelter me

and K-dollasign to see if i can drive with him

R: funny at points but not a bad day

J: Carlton still deh yah a try reach liguanea fi get some food

the story did not get resolved yet

lol

it wasnt a bad day just long af

R: wait what

J: let me try summarize

R: Well I mean, between Yanah's Healthy snack Crisis and the Wedding Snafu, I thought the day was sealed with you tryna get aunty Rose

J: I was also supposed to meet Pearl at starbucks for 3pm

when Carlton and i pull up to starbucks, Rose a walk up deh too

synchronicity

R: 'the hell? Starbucks is a spot now?

J: that's the culture of the company

im like baffled as to both my grandmother and father asking me if starbucks is an appropriate place to link and do work together

that's how they've been selling the place for at least the last ten years

i order a tall strawberry and cream frappe w coconut milk and Carlton is very excited to get a pumpkin spice frappe, no latte because he doesn't want to burn his tongue

yesterday Pearl showed me a video she edited featuring this black guy with ginger hair, Souffrant

Souffrant appears before us in starbucks and sits at our table

i'm supposed to edit my own video with Pearl's color correction advice, but i'm still trying to figure out my travel situation

before we went to starbucks, we walked to tastees and my mom replied to my frantic messages about grandma and the wedding with "ur not paying attention to what i tell u"

there's like a whole thing where i'm trying to get my cousin Jazz's number to ask if i can go from kingston to mobay with him because K-dollasign is unavailable.

aunty Rose says of course i can stay with her and of course she has Jazz's number

resolve dat, so mi have a place to stay and a drive

there are several unrelated phone calls that need to be made but mi still nah no credit, so i borrow Souffrant's phone

then the next chapter is me, Carlton, and Pearl trying to walk to sov after i finally finish editing my video.

i take some really dope shots of the sunset

pause for incoming illustration

R: i mean

sure

make hay

all of the birds with 1 stone

J: -picture of sov-

R: this is sov

dark

but its sov

J: it's the golden sunset reflecting off the walls

then we all go to kfc and then i try look for some shoes to wear to the wedding, but then mi nuh even know if it's really a beach ting, but never fear, my likkle sister is here to whatsapp me the link to the wedding info website the couple set up!

it's a garden brunch affair ting

so we think to go to lee's instead of payless and when we reach back in fronta payless di people dem close

so now i will go to the thrift store tmrw to cop a whole new fit from the dress to the shoes.

when i reach home my father is going to the airport and grandma (dad's mom, not the one i was tryna see earlier) asks me to come with them which i would have done anyway.

driving back from the airport, grandma's bajan soca music continues to play in the car, but it seems louder now without dad's voice. i try to talk to grandma about herself. i ask about high school. she says, "do you expect me to remember 50 years ago"

i'm like yes of course

she said

"well

i was head girl"

of course! i say

and she was also in charge of sports such as running

the drive back home is very slow because grandma cant really see in the dark

when we finally reach home and i lay inna mi bed, mi wonda why mi so tiyad

and now i know why

thanks for tuning in, this has been an appreciation for the life we live, by Jeana like jeans pants

totes forgot the best part where K-dollasign pulled up on Carlton and me in traffic when we walked back to the plaza to get to the car

then another man pulled up on us and Carlton cuss me jokingly bout how i know everyone and we probably see someone else weh mi know

#fabulous

R: like bloodcleet jeans pants

yea, cause clearly you're a superstar

beer people, links and visits

#diaryiguess #todayfeltliketwodays #kingstonchronicle

0 notes

gracelessknights · 8 years ago

Text

NONE OF THESE QUOTES ARE RELATED

“Oh, Garrett, let’s not talk about the time we ‘got to know’ one another. I know forty-five seconds was probably an all-time high for you, but trust me; most girls would prefer at least a minute,”

“I’m gonna be sick,” I say. “I’m ordering you not to,” says Obi. “Ah, don’t say that,” says Dee-Dum. “She’s a born rebel. She’ll puke just to make a point.”

“Maybe he just has a type,” I challenge. “The only type Carrick has is pretty with a vagina that’s open for business.”

The promise of a cheap beer and a joint win out over chivalry.

“When I was in town earlier, I went to that store that sells English food, and you’ll never guess what they had.” Her face is all lit up. “Alcohol?” That’s just my wishful thinking that she bought me some.

Lisa trails after me, oblivious to my sarcasm and still gushing about Graham. “He’s so gorgeous. Like unbelievably gorgeous.” Her voice lowers to a whisper. “And I hear he’s amazing in bed.” I snort. “He probably started that rumor himself.”

“We don’t need alcohol to have fun, Reagan.” “You sound like an after-school special.”

“You look damn good in a Sentinel uniform.” A hot flush that had nothing to do with embarrassment spread over me. “So do you.” “I know.” I laughed outright. “Wow. Healthy ego there.”

“Stop being a bitch,” Magda spoke up, contributing her first words for the day. “What? You got a patent on it or something?” Zoe returned

Him: How bout tmrw night? I’m free at eight. Me: Can’t. I have the Spanish Flu. Highly contagious. I just saved your life, dude. Him: Aw, I appreciate the concern. But I’m immune to pandemics that wiped out 40-mil ppl from 1918 to 1919. Me: How is it u know so much about pandemics? Him: I’m a history major, baby. I know tons of useless facts.

Shaking my head, I laugh. “God, you’re so—” “Good-looking? Hot?“ “I was going to say cocky.” “Endearing, isn’t it?”

“Just out of curiosity,” she says, “after you wake up in the morning, do you admire yourself in the mirror for one hour or two?” “Two,” I reply cheerfully. “Do you high five yourself?” “Of course not.” I smirk. “I kiss each of my biceps and then point to the ceiling and thank the big man upstairs for creating such a perfect male specimen.”

So he’s a mutt,” he said. “No,” I said, looking at the shaggy bundle still baring his teeth in Jude’s direction. “He’s well-rounded,” I added.

I fingered the lid of my coffee cup. “He introduced me to that Blaze reastaurant on Thayer. It was really good.” “I think it was the company more than anything,” Jared said, his eyes softening.

I explained his mistake and started writing it down in my own girlie script. “Do you see how I got there?” Ryan nodded, unsure. “I see how you got there, getting there on my own is the persistent problem.”

“You’re not old enough to drink,” he grimaced, ignoring my accusation. I leaned closer to him. “We don’t tell the bartender that,” I whispered.

I just have a bad habit of lashing out at those I care about. It’s a piss-poor excuse, I know, but I am sorry,”

“You can’t make her drink that many shots,” Shepley said. “Travis. Tell him.” Brazil held up his hand. “I’m not making her do anything. For every shot she drinks, she gets a twenty. It’s our present to her.” His smile faded when he noticed Shepley’s frown. “Your present is alcohol poisoning?”

“I drink,” he said. “I also smoke. But that’s one thing they won’t let me do in here.” “Disgusting. I’m even less attracted to you than before.” “What are you smiling about?” “You just said you were attracted to me.” His self-satisfied smile was contagious. “Yeah, but that was before you spoke.”

“Intimate relations. Intercourse. Coitus. Doing the deed. Nookie. Fornicating. Laying pipe. Screwing. Sex. Tapping that ass. Fucking. Need I go on?”

“I don’t like country music.” “No one does. Just roll with it.”

Football is a religion around here, and he is the chosen messiah. Which sounds kind of sacrilegious considering the fact that he’s smacking a brunette on her ass as he leaves her at the classroom door.

"Nicknames are important. Feel free to pick one out for me. I can provide a list of suggestions. Big Guy. God. Master. Awesome Master.” “How about overweening ego?” I offer.

So if I did what my dad always wanted, I’d be married, with two kids, no education, wondering which strand of pearls I should choke myself with before my husband comes home smelling like his secretary.

I feigned disinterest, kicked out my legs and got more comfortable on Dad’s recliner. “Her name’s Lois, not Laney.” Mom smiled. “Well, I think I’m going to call her Laney. I like it better. It suits her.” I scoffed. “You can’t just go changing people’s names, Ma.” “Why not, Bobby Jo?” she sang. “Who the hell is Bobby Jo?” She laughed under her breath. “You are now.” I laughed with her. “I think I prefer Lucas.” “You still didn’t answer my question, Bobby Jo.”

"Garray already got to you, huh?” “I think he must be an acquired taste,” I mumbled.

She sighs. Then a slight smile breaks through. “I’m going to miss seeing your ugly face every day.” “Shut up. You love my face.” Her eyes roll. “Yeah, it’s like looking into the sun.” “So beautiful it hurts?” I ask, unable to contain my smirk. “Blindingly painful.”

“Next question?” “Why are you such an ass?” I laughed under my breath. “Everyone has to excel at something, right?” “Well, you’re doing a great job.”

Johnson pulls out some bills. “My treat this time, yeah?” “Excuse me while I take in this moment,” Rolondo says expansively, his arms open wide. “Johnson—punk ass, cheap motherfucker Johnson—is paying.”

Gray and Ivy’s wedding. Now that was a drunken blur. Good times.

“I was thinking—” “Uh-oh. This can’t be good.” “Smartass.” She grinned.

“Your team definitely has… potential.” “I don’t know if potential is the right word,” I tell her.

“Okay, but you’re going to have to snap the ball to me.” “Snap the ball?” I make a face. “Like bend over…” His grin is evil. “And I put my hands between your legs. Don’t give me that look. Dex does this for me every game.” “Is this the point where I launch into a diatribe about the blatant homoeroticism found in football?”

“Where have you been?” she asked. I arched a brow, fighting a laugh as the heat raced across her cheeks and down her throat. “Well hello, honey, I’ve been out boozing and whoring. I know my priorities are pretty off.”

“Sara, you know you’re the only girl for me.” He laid a hand over his heart. “I’m just passing time until you realize that.” Out of the corner of my eye I saw two girls at a nearby table watching his display with equal expressions of jealousy and dismay. “Yeah ok. Cool it Romeo,” I said, laughing. “Before you break every heart in here and start a lynch mob after me.”

“You’re such a dick sometimes.” I didn’t lift my head. “Don’t really think that’s breaking news.”

And I like sex. Love good sex, elusive as it is.

“Sex shouldn’t be work,” he insists. “It should be easy. Girls come to us, give us a good time, and we send them on their way with a nice thank you and maybe a pat on the ass if they’re extra special.” “I pity your bed partners.” “They have a good time,” Gray says. “A great time.” “Sure. You let them do all the work while you lay back like a lazy shit. Sounds awesome for them.” He gives me a sour look. “Well, you sound like a girl.” “If I was one, I wouldn’t be f**king you.”

“But Henry really wanted me to go, and you’ve been moping around the house lately.” “I have not been moping!” “Staring out the window,” she insists. “Like some tragic Jane Austen heroine.” “Austen’s heroines aren’t tragic. They are empowered.” “Says you. All those repressed feelings and prideful denials.” Her snub nose wrinkles. “Pathetic. Just own your emotions already.”

“Hey.” His smile grows. “I’ve been thinking about you, Jones.” “Don’t strain yourself.”

I kissed her cheek and stood. “Besides, you’re the best mom I’ve ever had.” “I bet you say that to all your moms.”

(In reference to the baby he’s carrying) He raised his cynical eyes to her and grunted. "If he gives any indication that he’s going to shit or vomit, I’m pointing him in your direction.” “And they say chivalry’s dead.”

“What happened?” asked Hermione, her tone inevitably concerned. “I barely touched you.” “Shoulder…dislocated,” he rasped out. “You let me slap you when you’re injured?” “I didn’t let you slap me,” he replied drolly. “Evidently, it’s just a habit you have regardless of whether we’re in a relationship or not. Charming, by the way.” “How did you dislocate your shoulder?” “Folk dancing.” “Draco.” “Fighting bloody Death Eaters. Obviously.”

Today I wore a pair of white jeans and a black sweater that made me feel as if I was seconds away from stripping off my clothes and finding the nearest pole. I glanced over my shoulder and Roth raised a brow as one side of his lips slipped up. “Can you walk in front of me?”

He chuckled deeply. “Not in this lifetime.”

On why he doesnt wanna be a gynaecologist : “But if I’m going to have my hand inside a woman’s honeypot, I’d much rather it be for pleasure than for work.”

The music is soft in the background, but soulful and deep. I like it. “What’s this? A study playlist?” He shakes his head. “A playlist? Nah. It’s the Black Keys. I buy whole albums, not individual songs. I’m not afraid of commitment, babe.” I smirk at his strange innuendo. “Good to know.”

“What will they do once I take you off the market?” I ask. “I can only imagine the poor girls wandering around like a lost herd of sheep all summer, wondering where you went.” I risk another glance at the staring girls and shudder. “Do they even blink? Baa. Baa. Baa.”

“How long do I have to keep up the happy part? I’m getting a cramp.” “That’s the spirit.” He chuckles,

Matt helped her with her golf swing in the auditorium at lunch. Matt was the captain of the golf team, and Ariadne was thinking about joining, although first she had to learn how to play. “Cassie, why don’t you put that book down and come learn how to golf?” Ariadne called to her cousin. In response, Cassandra opened another book.

"Sound jealous, don’t you?” “Not likely,” I replied, turning my e-reader back on. “Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that, sweetheart. One of these days you’re going to admit that you’re madly, deeply in love with me. It’s my boyish charm—hard to resist.” “If you’d gone with your body being irresistible, it would’ve been more believable.”

"You’re going to do fine,” he says, rubbing my arms. “Do not give me a half-time inspirational speech,” I order. The last thing I need is some rah-rah-rah about being my best.” “Sure. We can go to the bathroom and fuck away your nervousness.”

“In my head, this went a lot smoother,” I offer. “How so?” “Um, I guess I throw up my arms and say ‘surprise,’ and you say, ‘Goldie, you’re a sight for sore eyes,’ and then I respond with, ‘you, too.’ After we get those awkward, trite greetings out of the way, you haul me into your arms and give me a movie star kiss. We pretend it’s raining and that we’re at the end of a Nicholas Sparks movie and you swear your undying devotion.” “According to my mom, everyone dies at the end of a Sparks movie, so my devotion appears to be short-lived.” “True, but the promised love is undying, so even after your ticker gives out, the devotion lives on.”

On the other side of the kitchen, Tucker finishes loading the dishwasher and turns to frown at me. “What the hell are you doing over there, anyway? You’ve been scribbling on that notepad for the past hour.” “I’m writing a love poem,” I answer without thinking. Then I slam my lips together, realizing what I’ve done. “I just have one question,” Garrett starts. “Really?” Tuck says. “Because I have many.” […] “Hey,” I say as inspiration strikes. “What if I steal the words to “Amazing Grace”? I can change it to…um…Terrific Grace.” “Yup,” Garrett cracks. “Pure gold right there. Terrific Grace.” I ponder the next line. “How sweet…” “Your ass,” Tucker supplies. Garrett snorts. “Brilliant minds at work. Terrific Grace, how sweet your ass.” He types on his phone again. “Jesus Christ, will you quit dictating this conversation to Hannah?” I grumble. “Bros before hos, dude.” “Call my girlfriend a ho one more time and you won’t have a bro.” […] (He texted her the love poem) Her: Don’t quit your day job, Emily Dickinson. Me: Hey, u didn’t say it had to be GOOD. Her: Touché. D- on the poem. Can’t wait to see your collage. Me: How do u feel about glitter? And dick pics? Her: If there’s a pic of your dick on that collage, I’m photocopying it and passing it around in the student center. Me: Bad idea. You’ll give all the other dudes an inferiority complex. Her: Or an ego boost.

All in all, Ellis seems like a decent man, and when the kids thunder out of the locker room and greet him like he’s Jesus Christ brought back to life, my opinion of him climbs higher.

“My mom has officially dubbed you a ‘good catch.’” Dani takes a seat next to me on the back steps of the small two-story house where I’ve lived all my life. I tap my glass of sangria against hers. “That’s solid. I’m going to put that on my Tinder profile.”

“Jesus, she’s hot!” Dani grabs my phone to pinch and zoom, first on Sabrina’s face and then the rest of her body. “Are you sure she’s not bi? Because it’s a crime that she has to suffer through life with a man.”

“I thought maybe you’d want to spend the weekend with me.” And he’s quick to offer that reassurance again, adding, “No expectations, by the way. I’m not inviting you to, like, a three-day fuck fest or anything.” I snort. My boyfriend, ever the wordsmith.

Hunter snaps, “It’s that we suck.” Hollis tips his head. “You got laid last night, didn’t ya?” The dark-haired freshman furrows his brow. “What does that have to do with anything?” “Everything. We embarrassed ourselves in that game, got our asses kicked, and you still had chicks lining up to suck on your knob. Doesn’t matter if we win or lose—we’re still hockey players. We rule this school, dude.” “Spoken like a man without ambition,” Garrett says, his lips twitching.

"Uh-huh,” Logan says as if he’s in agreement, but I’ve known him long enough to be able to pick up on his sarcasm. “Anyway, this girl…she’s the love of my life. She’s smart and funny and unbelievably compassionate. She forgives people even when they don’t deserve it. She—” “Good lay?” Pace interrupts. “Oh yeah. The best.”

"Was the sex really boring?” “Why is everything with you always about sex?” I pass the joint back. “And FYI—the sex was fine.” “Fine?” He snickers. “Wow, what a ringing endorsement.”

(Garrett when texting his ‘manwhore’ friend) Garrett: Allie’s gonna crash in my room. Garrett: Your dick can stay in your room.

"Did you have a girlfriend in high school?” I ask. He waggles his eyebrows. “I had many.” “Oooh, what a stud.”

He sighed. “Fine. I spoke with Hestia about your history lessons, arranged for you to begin self-defense lessons with Charon—” “What?” Charon piped up from his end of the table. “When did that happen?” “Just now,” Hades said around a bite of chicken. “I’m multitasking.”

“You know, I don’t actually have sex with every woman I talk to, Chess.” “You don’t?” “So dubious.” He nudges me with his shoulder. “I do have some standards.” “And they are?” He gives me a cheeky look. “Whether or not I want to have sex with them.” “Your vetting processes is foolproof, I’ll give you that.”

She exhales heavily. “I’m babbling.” “I’m used to it,” I say, shrugging. “A lot of women lose their shit around me.” Cassie rolls her eyes. “They probably lose their lunches too.”

I interrupt her, clearing my throat loudly. “No names,” I say, looking around. “A code name, then,” she suggests. “I want to know if Horse –“ I roll my eyes. “Do I need to ask why you picked that as a code name?” “I was trying not to be subtle.“ She runs her finger along the rim of her margarita glass and licks salt off her fingertip. “Because he’s hung like a horse, obviously.” “Yes. I got the joke.” “Yeah, you should have, especially given the fact that you’ve seen all of the goods.” “I’m not referring to him as Horse,” I protest. “Donkey would be more appropriate, since he’s a jackass.” “Oh, that fits, too,” she says, laughing. “Donkeys have huge dicks.” “Conversation with you is always so classy, Sable. It’s really a testament to how you were raised. Those classes in etiquette must have taught you a lot.”

“You brought flowers,” I note flatly. Flowers from a football player? What kind of warped parallel universe did I just enter? He shrugs. “Chicks like flowers, don’t they?” “Your charm is overwhelming, only surpassed by your sexism.”

“If you want, I can take these pants off and remind you what you were looking at.” “Thanks, but I had a late lunch. I’m hoping not to vomit it up today.”

-Just a compilation of (I think) really great one-liners from books/fanfictions I’ve read

#you can ignore it idm #i just want it for reference #sorry its so long #yes #quips #ref #roast

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landloopers · 8 years ago

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QUIPS

I kissed her cheek and stood. “Besides, you’re the best mom I’ve ever had.” “I bet you say that to all your moms.”

(In reference to the baby he’s carrying) He raised his cynical eyes to her and grunted. “If he gives any indication that he’s going to shit or vomit, I’m pointing him in your direction.” “And they say chivalry’s dead.”

“Well, maybe in the master bedroom. That bed is more comfortable.” The haze of sleep was easing away, and I found myself grinning at him like an utter doofus. “I thought this bed was nice.” “Because I was in it?” “Wow.” My goofy grin spread. “Good to see your ego is still functioning normally.”

(her but looked great in her jeans)

Today I wore a pair of white jeans and a black sweater that made me feel as if I was seconds away from stripping off my clothes and finding the nearest pole.

I glanced over my shoulder and Roth raised a brow as one side of his lips slipped up. “Can you walk in front of me?”

He chuckled deeply. “Not in this lifetime.”

(Why a pre-med student does not want to be a gynecologist)

If I’m going to have my hand inside a woman’s honeypot, I’d much rather it be for pleasure than for work.

“How long do I have to keep up the happy part? I’m getting a cramp.” “That’s the spirit.” He chuckles,

“Sound jealous, don’t you?” “Not likely,” I replied, turning my e-reader back on. “Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that, sweetheart. One of these days you’re going to admit that you’re madly, deeply in love with me. It’s my boyish charm—hard to resist.” “If you’d gone with your body being irresistible, it would’ve been more believable.”

“Nicknames are important. Feel free to pick one out for me. I can provide a list of suggestions. Big Guy. God. Master. Awesome Master.” “How about overweening ego?” I offer.

"Garray already got to you, huh?” “I think he must be an acquired taste,” I mumbled.

“Next question?” “Why are you such an ass?” I laughed under my breath. “Everyone has to excel at something, right?” “Well, you’re doing a great job.”

Gray and Ivy’s wedding. Now that was a drunken blur. Good times.

“I was thinking—” “Uh-oh. This can’t be good.” “Smartass.” She grinned.

“Your team definitely has… potential.” “I don’t know if potential is the right word,” I tell her.

“You’re such a dick sometimes.” I didn’t lift my head. “Don’t really think that’s breaking news.”

“I pity your bed partners.”

“They have a good time,” Gray says. “A great time.”

“Sure. You let them do all the work while you lay back like a lazy shit. Sounds awesome for them.” He gives me a sour look. “Well, you sound like a girl.” “If I was one, I wouldn’t be f**king you.”

“Hey.” His smile grows. “I’ve been thinking about you, Jones.” “Don’t strain yourself.”

"Oh, Garrett, let’s not talk about the time we ‘got to know’ one another. I know forty-five seconds was probably an all-time high for you, but trust me; most girls would prefer at least a minute,”

"I’m gonna be sick,” I say. “I’m ordering you not to,” says Obi. “Ah, don’t say that,” says Dee-Dum. “She’s a born rebel. She’ll puke just to make a point.”

“Maybe he just has a type,” I challenge. “The only type Carrick has is pretty with a vagina that’s open for business.”

The promise of a cheap beer and a joint win out over chivalry.

“We don’t need alcohol to have fun, Reagan.” “You sound like an after-school special.”

“You look damn good in a Sentinel uniform.” A hot flush that had nothing to do with embarrassment spread over me. “So do you.” “I know.” I laughed outright. “Wow. Healthy ego there.”

“Stop being a bitch,” Magda spoke up, contributing her first words for the day. “What? You got a patent on it or something?” Zoe returned

Shaking my head, I laugh. “God, you’re so—” “Good-looking? Hot?“ “I was going to say cocky.” “Endearing, isn’t it?”

So he’s a mutt,” he said. “No,” I said, looking at the shaggy bundle still baring his teeth in Jude’s direction. “He’s well-rounded,” I added.

(teaching a maths question)

“You’re not old enough to drink,” he grimaced, ignoring my accusation. I leaned closer to him. “We don’t tell the bartender that,” I whispered.

“Intimate relations. Intercourse. Coitus. Doing the deed. Nookie. Fornicating. Laying pipe. Screwing. Sex. Tapping that ass. Fucking. Need I go on?”

“I don’t like country music.” “No one does. Just roll with it.”

“What rhymes with insensitive?” I tap my pen on the kitchen table, beyond frustrated with my current task. Who knew rhyming was so fucking difficult? Garrett, who’s dicing onions at the counter, glances over. “Sensitive,” he says helpfully. “Yes, G, I’ll be sure to rhyme insensitive with sensitive. Gold star for you.” On the other side of the kitchen, Tucker finishes loading the dishwasher and turns to frown at me. “What the hell are you doing over there, anyway? You’ve been scribbling on that notepad for the past hour.” “I’m writing a love poem,” I answer without thinking. Then I slam my lips together, realizing what I’ve done. “I just have one question,” Garrett starts. “Really?” Tuck says. “Because I have many.” [...] “Hey,” I say as inspiration strikes. “What if I steal the words to “Amazing Grace”? I can change it to…um…Terrific Grace.” “Yup,” Garrett cracks. “Pure gold right there. Terrific Grace.” I ponder the next line. “How sweet…” “Your ass,” Tucker supplies. Garrett snorts. “Brilliant minds at work. Terrific Grace, how sweet your ass.” He types on his phone again. “Jesus Christ, will you quit dictating this conversation to Hannah?” I grumble. “Bros before hos, dude.” "Call my girlfriend a ho one more time and you won’t have a bro.” [...] (He texted her the love poem) Her: Don’t quit your day job, Emily Dickinson. Me: Hey, u didn’t say it had to be GOOD. Her: Touché. D- on the poem. Can’t wait to see your collage. Me: How do u feel about glitter? And dick pics? Her: If there’s a pic of your dick on that collage, I’m photocopying it and passing it around in the student center. Me: Bad idea. You’ll give all the other dudes an inferiority complex. Her: Or an ego boost. All in all, Ellis seems like a decent man, and when the kids thunder out of the locker room and greet him like he’s Jesus Christ brought back to life, my opinion of him climbs higher. “My mom has officially dubbed you a ‘good catch.’” Dani takes a seat next to me on the back steps of the small two-story house where I’ve lived all my life. I tap my glass of sangria against hers. “That’s solid. I’m going to put that on my Tinder profile.” “Jesus, she’s hot!” Dani grabs my phone to pinch and zoom, first on Sabrina’s face and then the rest of her body. “Are you sure she’s not bi? Because it’s a crime that she has to suffer through life with a man.” “I thought maybe you’d want to spend the weekend with me.” And he’s quick to offer that reassurance again, adding, “No expectations, by the way. I’m not inviting you to, like, a three-day fuck fest or anything.” I snort. My boyfriend, ever the wordsmith. Hunter snaps, “It’s that we suck.” Hollis tips his head. “You got laid last night, didn’t ya?” The dark-haired freshman furrows his brow. “What does that have to do with anything?” “Everything. We embarrassed ourselves in that game, got our asses kicked, and you still had chicks lining up to suck on your knob. Doesn’t matter if we win or lose—we’re still hockey players. We rule this school, dude.” “Spoken like a man without ambition,” Garrett says, his lips twitching. "Uh-huh,” Logan says as if he’s in agreement, but I’ve known him long enough to be able to pick up on his sarcasm. “Anyway, this girl…she’s the love of my life. She’s smart and funny and unbelievably compassionate. She forgives people even when they don’t deserve it. She—” “Good lay?” Pace interrupts. “Oh yeah. The best.” "Was the sex really boring?” “Why is everything with you always about sex?” I pass the joint back. “And FYI—the sex was fine.” “Fine?” He snickers. “Wow, what a ringing endorsement.” (Texting a manwhore) Garrett: Allie’s gonna crash in my room. Garrett: Your dick can stay in your room. "Did you have a girlfriend in high school?” I ask. He waggles his eyebrows. “I had many.” “Oooh, what a stud.”

#roast #yes #personal collection #bad day ref

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