#should have a tag for this commentaries... hmmm....

[sir-fenris]

It is time :D, oh how I love to yap about chapters.

Lot's of feelings, emotions, feelings, emotions-

-

He had hoped for something that might give his life a perfect symmetry. He wanted any sense of justice to fall back on, though he knew well enough not to truly expect it.

Yeah, well... you searched for justice a bit too late, mate. Delta is already gone. Your guilt is not going to vanish by projecting Delta's impression onto Johanna. Justice and atonement aren't gonna fall from the sky.

But I like where this is going, so keep on :)

He did not dare reach for them here in the dead of space. He’d be no better off once he was out of the chains. Paris knew, with total certainty, that he would not beat her in a fight. He didn’t even think he could do it healthy anymore, some new flinch mechanism that made him so tired of hitting and of being hit. He certainly could not do it in the thralls of withdrawal, not with the cracked rib and the hole through his hand. No opportunity presented itself. He was scared to.

Honestly... fair. Very much fair. Being scared to try in a situation like is is honestly fair.

It embarrassed him just how badly he missed Delta.

Aw... 🥺. How can Paris inspire so much hate and pity in the same measure?

Like. Congrats. You miss the captive you abused, beat up and used every single day for no reason. You only miss him when he's dead and you're sad. Congrats, asshole.

But also... Fuck. How sad it is that one of the most honest, 'friendly' relation he had, was with that same captive. How sad that this captive had more sympathy for him than most people in his life. How sad that while he's being taken to his death, one of the only people he misses is Delta.

I have conflicting emotions with Paris' sentence. It's kinda adorably pitiful, bit sad, and makes me exasperated and angry at him.

All the same, her fingers had been lined with white gems that morning. They were impossible not to notice as he’d brought her hand up to his lips. He’d have done anything for her then. The memories bled out into the edges of his dreams.

Awww. Paris view of Lorelai also inspire many feelings on me, but at least this one just makes me thing Paris is being adorably pitiful. Lorelaaaai, come back to us :'( Paris is so much better with you around... and I wanna know more about you. Our duo is separated :(

Johanna dreamed of something cold and breathing beneath the soft wet earth. She had the nightmare often. Big walls and little hands. A playful pulsing in each of them, turned violent and mean over time.

She dreamt of a small box. She dreamed of a pulsing that grew into a frantic pounding — and a loving flesh that always come backs. It came back her no matter how many times they tried to kill her.

Johanna dreamt of a hole dug deep into the earth. She’s had the same nightmare since she was twelve — and though it gets better, it never really goes away.

.........Was she fucking buried alive? Am I tripping? I read this 3 times. Was she buried alive as a kid???

Honestly, kinda confused with the rest of the words, but now I'm really curious.

"A loving flesh that always comes back", wtf? Johanna?

“Did you know Martino?” he asked.

...wait. wait. Wait. WAIT. HOW DID I FUCKING MISSED THIS? Is Johanna from Beldam Institute????? Wtf? How did I not noticed that before?

You freaking liar, you said St. Holly's Prep! :0

Oh my fucking God, I'm gonna re-read every single chapter in all 3 series after this. I need to remember every detail.

Immediately, he knew it was a mistake. He had about three seconds to flinch before she’d crossed the interior to him and hit him as hard as she possibly could. The intention had clearly been to knock him unconscious, but he’d recoiled fast enough that she mostly struck the side of his jaw. He gasped, sure for a second it’d been broken. There was no time to recover in between the blows. He only shielded his skull as Johanna slammed the cleat into his side, over and over again, breathing heavy. She tore his arms away, gripping the collar’s chain just to slam his head back into the wall, pinning him there.

OH MY GOD SHE DID. SHE DID. SHE FUCKING DID.

Martino knew Johanna. Oh god. Johanna knew Martino. GOD. My mind.

And honestly? If I was in Johanna's place and someone just said his name, I would flip in anger too. Very reasonable anger. I would ban the name "Martino" from my life too. Bitter fucking asshole, that old man. Can't imagine hiw many bad memories she has of him, but definitely want to read every single one :3. And it must be a strong link to the Institute too. Like. How the fuck did Paris know the name of a doctor there, yk? It must have been a shock. A bad one.

But ouch for Paris. Actually winced a bit for him.

“Are you mad at me?” Paris asked. He was stupid and chastened, both knees drawn up to his chest.

... Gosh, I agree with Delta. He can be very pathetic, though I don't like using that word because it feels too mean. So pitiful. He's pitiful.

Really? You're projecting THAT hard, buddy? Why does it matter if she's mad at you, come on, is now the time to worry about that?

“Did you know him? Delta. One Zero Seven.” Paris asked quietly.

...

...Oh. Oh.

If Martino didn't make me flip enough...

I love how Paris starts with "him" before clarifying who. Because the "him" was clear for him.

And I do not believe her at all. Wasn't Delta like... the kid used to threaten other kids and all? One of the ones that lasted? Huh. She might be telling the truth, but I don't believe her.

And one thing. I still remember that when she said her name to Paris, she said it like it was meant to mean something. Idk if I'm forgetting something or if that still has no explanation. But honestly Johanna always confused me a bit. I think I really do need to re-read Crash out once again. Keep it fresh.

And uhhh... just a question. Was her hair ever green?

“What was it like?” he asked. There will be no other opportunities to ask, no other ways to know. He wondered if anyone else who went to that school was even alive anymore. Delta wasn’t. Was Johanna alive, really? 

He looked at her and he could not tell. 

Yeah, well, you could have asked Delta before, asshole. But keep on. Ask more. We want to know too :D

Is Johanna alive? Honestly can't tell either. She confuses me a lot, and after that burying alive thing I'm really not sure.

Except that all the previous times, he did not have a knife wound piercing straight through the flesh of his hand. A white bandage had been bound tight around it ever since he’d been rescued. It still held. She’d seen it, of course. She had to have known. She didn’t care. 

They must not have either.

You met Martino, Paris.

They did NOT care.

Paris offered both hands without resistance, surprising himself. Would she have forced him to if he hadn’t? For some reason, he didn’t think so. If he wasn’t playing along, he thought, she might just give up.

........ Hello? Paris, I'm actually concerned about you, my guy, wtf? Your behavior was ALWAYS concerning, but right now I actually want you to have a recovery arc, because wtf. You need help.

And I don't mean it in a mean way, Paris lately is actually being so pitiful that is hard to not want him to have a hug and rest and a full meal.

I read Destroyer and Rubies and hate him so much (with exceptions, sometimes he was.... half decent). Then I read Rubies and he's pathetically pitiful and sad and- 😀 hello?

(Tbf, he already was before, but... yk what I mean)

He still tried to be steady as the belt came down against his hands again. Again. Again. He resisted the automatic curling of his fingers in an effort to protect himself. It was really nothing. He’d had so much worse. He didn’t know why he was crying so badly. 

Again. Again. He lost track, letting his vision blur just the same as the count. All the nerves in his hand were beaten almost numb, stinging. He couldn’t keep the tremor out of them. 

Johanna grumbled in frustration, pulling the belt back to her side. She was fumbling with the end of it.

...Hm. Why do I feel like she kept hitting because he was crying? He asked how things were in the Institute, and as far as Delta told us repeatedly, the Institute punished them for crying and all.

Idk. I felt like thay was why she was frustrated, might be wrong.

“You don’t fucking ask when it’s over.” She barked.

Yeah, Paris, don't you remember how Delta acted 🙄. Just kidding. Actually felt a bit bad for Paris. Fuck him for making me want to give him a hug.

“You don’t understand!” She yelled. It was infantile. And it was wrong. He did.

Then again, he doubted she was even talking to him.

Neither of you are actually speaking to one another, let's be honest. Traumatized duo using one another for trauma-guided behavior. Just great.

He tucked himself further into the far wall, unable to stop crying or to even be silent about it. She did not speak to him again for the rest of the night.

...*sigh*.

Alright, Paris. You earned a hug. Come here 🫂.

Amazing chapter, as always :D <3, thanks for writing this story, eager for the next one.

And indeed thanks @floral-comet-whump for heping making Beldam Johanna canon, cause- WOW. That make me stare at the screen for minutes. I did NOT see that coming.

Now I gotta re-read everything, because my mind is.......... Wow. This chapter did flips with my head.

(Forgive any typos, I think I've been writing this for over an hour 😀)

-

Crash Out - Joey

(Content: past abuse, whumper turned whumpee, beating, implied child abuse, claustrophobia mention, addiction mention, retraumatization, crying, guilt, self harm?, blood, brief weight talk)

Still shaking, still sick, Paris stared up blankly at the ceiling again, for want of anything better to do. The manacles chafed at his bare wrists, leaving a thick band of raw skin beneath. He’d gotten used to it.

“Did you go to a school when you were little?” He asked Johanna without looking at her.

Without looking back from the control panel, she answered: “I’m not that fucking stupid, am I?”

He shook his head — and the movement of the collar caused the chain to click against the tile.

“No. I mean, like, a special one. For psychics.” He explained vaguely. 

“I went to St.Holly’s Prep.” She answered curtly.

“Oh.” He deflated. 

He had hoped for something that might give his life a perfect symmetry. He wanted any sense of justice to fall back on, though he knew well enough not to truly expect it. His hand traced the collar again, taking slow and steady breaths. He breathed easier when he was flat on his back. Any sudden motion made him feel like he might faint, so he didn’t move at all. The lock picks were burning a hole in his pocket.

She’d missed them, somehow. She hadn’t been very deliberate in the pat down — and at this point, he was all angles. His own hipbone had been as hard and as pointed as the metal. 

He did not dare reach for them here in the dead of space. He’d be no better off once he was out of the chains. Paris knew, with total certainty, that he would not beat her in a fight. He didn’t even think he could do it healthy anymore, some new flinch mechanism that made him so tired of hitting and of being hit. He certainly could not do it in the thralls of withdrawal, not with the cracked rib and the hole through his hand. No opportunity presented itself. He was scared to.

The stygian depths appear every time he closed his eyes, dark blue, teeming. He was scared. Some ancient dread was settling onto him, sharp-toothed and feral. He missed Delta. 

It embarrassed him just how badly he missed Delta.

But when he dreamed, mercifully, it was of Lorelai. It was a frozen morning and the last night’s rain had crystallized against the pale bluegrass. Her hair was undone, hanging in limp curls against the fabric of her sweater. It was the last morning before the break. He’d given her clovers and coffee and jasmine perfume. He’d have given her anything, but he knew the wealth humiliated her. It was an affront for either of them to even wear the uniform.

All the same, her fingers had been lined with white gems that morning. They were impossible not to notice as he’d brought her hand up to his lips. He’d have done anything for her then. The memories bled out into the edges of his dreams.

His heart was all the way empty when he awoke. Lorelai was safer without him than she’d ever be with. It was cold comfort. He’d left her alone and limp in the dirt.

There was no day or night to follow, but the ship’s lights had dimmed. Paris thought it was another hallucination, another dream he couldn’t shake — but the soft sound of crying permeated and echoed throughout the ship. His eyes adjusted slowly to the darkness. 

She was whimpering in her sleep.

~

Johanna dreamed of something cold and breathing beneath the soft wet earth. She had the nightmare often. Big walls and little hands. A playful pulsing in each of them, turned violent and mean over time. She smiled because she could, because they always liked her. She smiled too wide and laughed too hard, some screw knocked loose, faulty wiring from having been hit in the head one too many times. A nervous laugh. Wide, pleading eyes.

She dreamt of a small box. She dreamed of a pulsing that grew into a frantic pounding — and a loving flesh that always come backs. It came back her no matter how many times they tried to kill her.

Johanna dreamt of a hole dug deep into the earth. She’s had the same nightmare since she was twelve — and though it gets better, it never really goes away. She woke up with her eyes still blotted with tears and for a minute she had forgotten where she was. 

From across the room, the captive prince stared at her unblinking, and she knew he had heard everything.

~

Several hours later, when they were both wide awake, Paris tried again.

“Did you know Martino?” he asked.

Immediately, he knew it was a mistake. He had about three seconds to flinch before she’d crossed the interior to him and hit him as hard as she possibly could. The intention had clearly been to knock him unconscious, but he’d recoiled fast enough that she mostly struck the side of his jaw. He gasped, sure for a second it’d been broken. There was no time to recover in between the blows. He only shielded his skull as Johanna slammed the cleat into his side, over and over again, breathing heavy. She tore his arms away, gripping the collar’s chain just to slam his head back into the wall, pinning him there.

But Johanna looked so lost. All her anger was thick with confusion. Her eyes searched him, up and down, as if something in his body might tell her.

“How-“ she asked desperately. “Who-“

Paris shivered, retreating, hiding his head again. It hurt. His ribs were so tender he could’ve cried. She released the chain around his neck, staggering a few steps back.

“Don’t say his name again,” she warned.

Paris nodded.

~

“Are you mad at me?” Paris asked. He was stupid and chastened, both knees drawn up to his chest.

Johanna sighed, sitting up against the starboard wall of the ship. She tossed a tennis ball idly, only occasionally glancing at the autopilot to see they were still on course. She did not dignify him with a response. 

“Did you know him? Delta. One Zero Seven.” Paris asked quietly.

It felt like it’d been ages since he’d said his name aloud. The sound of it hovered in the air, seemed to echo in a way the other words had not. He still remembered the numerals that followed, though by the time he first learned them, they’d lost all their usefulness. But to her, those numbers must have meant something. It’d be the only way to distinguish them.

“As if I’d remember any of them.” Johanna rolled her eyes.

Paris quieted, tucking his face back down into his arms. He only peeked up at her as she stood up, moving to check up on the air filter. 

“Do you hate me?” he asked.

He was surprised when she didn’t laugh. She only sighed again, eyes flitted up to the ceiling as if she was considering it.

“I didn’t before. I think I’m starting to.” She decided.

“Is that why?” He looped one finger in the collar, tugging it.

“Nope.”

In return, she tapped one finger to his nose, booping it gently. He still flinched.

“That’s just business.”

~

It ate at him. He turned restlessly within the chains. There was nothing to do and only her for company. She was taking him to be killed, to hurt the whole time he died, to be mutilated and changed. All his future seemed an endless void. All he could focus on was the past.

“What was it like?” he asked. There will be no other opportunities to ask, no other ways to know. He wondered if anyone else who went to that school was even alive anymore. Delta wasn’t. Was Johanna alive, really? 

He looked at her and he could not tell. 

She stood up from the console, visibly irritated at the fact he was still taking. Or maybe she just didn’t like his choice in conversation topic. Either way, he’d pissed her off.

“You want to know what it was like?” She asked incredulously.

He sat up and nodded his head. For a second, she just looked tired. She undid the belt from around her waist.

“Hands out. Now.”

It wasn’t anything he hadn’t done before. He’d gotten his knuckles rapped millions of times, had the cane brought down against each part of his body. None of it ever helped. By the time he graduated, he knew it was more about anger than it ever was about correction. This was no different.

Except that all the previous times, he did not have a knife wound piercing straight through the flesh of his hand. A white bandage had been bound tight around it ever since he’d been rescued. It still held. She’d seen it, of course. She had to have known. She didn’t care. 

They must not have either.

Paris offered both hands without resistance, surprising himself. Would she have forced him to if he hadn’t? For some reason, he didn’t think so. If he wasn’t playing along, he thought, she might just give up.

He held both palms facing upward. It was what he was used to, what he assumed she wanted, and he was willing to turn them if it wasn’t.

The belt was folded over. He kept still.

It was worse than he thought it’d be. He gasped in shock and pain at the sting. He’d been comparing it to the wrong injuries, expecting the wrong kind of pain. The belt hurt his right hand about as badly as when it’d first been punctured, about as bad as an arrow through his fucking ribcage. His eyes watered immediately.

He still tried to be steady as the belt came down against his hands again. Again. Again. He resisted the automatic curling of his fingers in an effort to protect himself. It was really nothing. He’d had so much worse. He didn’t know why he was crying so badly. 

The belt swung again. He only pulled his hand back just to quickly wipe at his eyes. She got mad.

“Paris,” she hissed, exasperated, and he couldn’t remember her ever using his name before this. “I can make this a lot worse for you and you know it.”

“Sorry,” he muttered as he offered the hand back.

Again. Again. He lost track, letting his vision blur just the same as the count. All the nerves in his hand were beaten almost numb, stinging. He couldn’t keep the tremor out of them. 

Johanna grumbled in frustration, pulling the belt back to her side. She was fumbling with the end of it.

“…Are we done?” he asked weakly. 

The belt buckle hit him square in the face, drawing a pained gasp from him. He reeled to the side, barely catching himself. Blood dripped readily from the gash in his cheek. In shock, he moved two finger up to touch it. Wet. Warm. 

“You don’t fucking ask when it’s over.” She barked.

He kept his eyes trained on the ground, half-curled away from her. The impact had whipped his head to the side and he did not correct it. 

He heard her readjusting the belt. For a second, he really did think she was finished. He let himself be fooled twice.

The buckle struck him again in the shoulder. It produced much less of a reaction than the strike to the face did, but he still cried. It was worse when he couldn’t see it, but he knew better than to try and turn around. He twitched at each new impact.

“You don’t understand!” She yelled. It was infantile. And it was wrong. He did.

Then again, he doubted she was even talking to him.

The metal snapped at the bare skin of his arm, once again at his back. He shifted one shoulder up to shield his still-bleeding face and endured the hit for it. It was only then she seemed to tire. It didn’t matter. He was sobbing. Though he tried to do it quietly, there was so little he could focus on besides his own misery. The effort was futile. He hardly noticed whether she was there or not, whether the beating had even stopped.

He tucked himself further into the far wall, unable to stop crying or to even be silent about it. She did not speak to him again for the rest of the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~

thank you to @floral-comet-whump for getting me to canonize Johanna being from Beldam!!! that was always supposed to be the implication w her character but i wasnt sure about making it explicit until they had the idea of her being an experiment that beldam tried to kill and ended up BURYING ALIVE. that was too tasty to leave as subtext >:)

tags:

@catnykit @snakebites-and-ink @scoundrelwithboba @whatwhump

@pumpkin-spice-whump @deluxewhump @fuckass1000 @fuckcapitalismasshole @defire

@micechomper @writereleaserepeat @aloafofbreadwithanxiety @whump-queen

[lynxindisguise]

hii lynx! 🍓, 🍐 & 🫐 please for the ask game! 💖

🍓 What’s a fic you’ve written you feel is underrated?

Hmmm The Picture of Sirius Black maybe? Which I know is because of the MCD tag, and I'm still on the fence about whether it should actually be tagged MCD... I might do a poll actually to see what people's definitions of that tag are...

🍐 Is there anything in canon that you absolutely hate and love to fix in fics? A wrong choice made, a fuck-up in characterization, a misunderstanding never cleared up, a conversation never shown onscreen, etc…

Oh gosh, I mean... well that's what this fandom is all about, isn't it? I think something I've been thinking a lot about in my last few fics is the concept of age. I think the books and the movies both failed to articulate how young Remus and Sirius actually are, which I understand is a natural consequence of having a child narrator... but idk it feels like jkr wants you to care about Sirius's death only because of its impact on Harry and about Remus and Tonks's death only because of Teddy?? Like. Idk that's maybe a whole different problem, but anyway I'm having a lot of fun writing them "older" (30's) with still a ton of life ahead of them.

🫐 What’s your favorite underrated thing in your fandom? (A ship that only you seem to write for, a character there’s almost no fics about, a trope that criminally hasn’t been written yet, etc.)

The two underrated characters I love to throw in my fics are Kingsley and Xenophilius. I honestly can't believe there isn't more about these characters—they're both so interesting in canon. I also find it hilarious that Pandora is so popular, when we know very little about her, but Xeno is actively present and relatively important in the books??

They're both kind of my author inserts too—not in the 'I am this character' way, but more in the Shakespearean meta-commentary way. Like Xeno is very much the narrator of Hut of the Mistold, and Kingsley is 100% the voice of reason character for me.

fic writing asks

[curestardust]

hiii~ i'm trying to migrate from tiktok to tumblr because i heard that the precure community is way larger here [and i refuse to use twitter] your blog and another blog are always posted on tiktok but the other one doesn't have anonymous questions or whatever on so i wanted to ask you!! what is the etiquette here for interacting with content creators and also what blogs are the ones to check out and which ones should i avoid because i'd really hate to follow someone and then find out all the tumblr girlies think they're a creep?? OTL sorry if this is like a dumb obvious rude question it's just i've never used tumblr before so i don't want to interact with a content creator the wrong way and end up blocked lol thank you if you respond and also i love your cure butterfly icon it's so pretty <3 <3

i...get posted on tiktok? wha- how does that even work oml

i do think tumblr might be the 2nd biggest platform for precure after hell twitter indeed

for CCs... it's a bit difficult to know whose stuff you'd be interested in. i don't think there's anyone who posts exclusively precure (i don't either) so if you only want to see that you can browse the precure tag. if you like someone's stuff give them a follow though! i don't know anything about "creeps" but i've been on this website for over 10 years so my blocklist and blocked words is massive lol. i'm just chilling over here making gifs.

tumblr etiquette:

i see a lot of new people be confused about this but reblog NEVER repost someone's content. there are those 2 arrows at the bottom of every post, that's a reblog. downloading someone's gif/art then posting it to your blog is a repost and it's VERY frowned upon.

generally people like to add extra commentary in the tags instead of on the post itself, though there's a sort of comment section under posts now but not many people use it.

general rule of thumb (for any social media site really) is to stay away from takes you disagree with. just scroll by, don't say anything, don't insult them. if you REALLY disagree with what they are saying, block them.

CC interaction is kinda odd here, most people are pretty introverted. usually creators will appreciate if you send them a nice ask that you really like their stuff (though they might not post your ask) but the most common way of doing that is by putting praises in the tags cause they'll see it in their activity feed.

hmmm, i dunno if i answered everything properly but it's super late here so mb, you can shoot me another ask if you have more questions~

[itooaminthisepisode]

hiii thanks for the tag!! held off on posting this cause i knew i would be uploading another fic by the end of the year and i wanted to include it lol :3

thank you @spicedrobot for the template! and without further ado, here's my wrapped!

66k words is an absolutely insane number of words that i never dreamed i would be able to write in the span of a year and yet somehow here i am. Holy Shit!!! i'm pretty sure that's more writing (or at least creative writing) in one year than i've done in the rest of my life combined.

without further ado here's an overview of all the fics i've written this year, with a little added commentary because i love yapping!! below a cut cause it got kinda long:

something sweet and safe - after wilson flirts with a nurse at work, house decides to put him in his place.

this one was my first published smut and my first foray into horrible freaknasty old man porn!! dove straight in headfirst and have never looked back since :3 need to do something with this dynamic again at some point... hmmm ;)

sick little feelings in my sick little brain - house makes wilson piss in his mouth. that's it, that's the fic.

piss md!! featuring house and wilson's (absolutely canon) shared piss kink!! i just think house should make wilson do horrible humiliating things alright. also i've had a sequel outlined for like literally MONTHS at this point i just haven't gotten around to it yet... but next year. stay tuned👀 (also maybe a third one as well we'll see how it goes!!)

wiped away my thoughts and cares - wilson sometimes struggles with incontinence. house decides to help in a rather... unorthodox way.

wilson abdl because i cannot resist putting that man in a situation!! spent two hours total writing this one (including editing) which is literally the least time i've spent on a fic Ever and somehow it's my favourite out of all 38(!!) that i wrote this year. this is another one that i am doing more of in 2025 trust🤞 little wilson is so precious to me i cannot resist him🥺

look at those puppy dog eyes - house and wilson try out petplay for the first time, and - to no one's surprise - they like it. a lot.

this is actually the first fic i started writing in 2024! i just got major writers block towards the end and left it sitting half-finished for months. but then i wrote a couple other fics and came back to it with fresh eyes and i'm really proud of how it turned out!! another dynamic that i rotate in my brain a lot. ouppies <3

i wanna throw you to the hounds - house is a werewolf - and sometimes, he can get a little... frisky when he's transformed.

this was the fic i was most nervous to post (yes, even more so than the abdl one), but im so glad ppl seemed to like it cause like. Waow :3 another one where i just put wilson in a situation!! also i love writing him having a moral crisis but doing it anyway purely cause house wants to :3

whumptober 2024 - all the filled prompts from this year's whumptober! some are short, some are longer, all of them are emotionally damaging in some shape or form.

okay look if i listed each individual fic in this series we'd be here all day so i'm just gonna talk abt whumptober as a whole. but it was SO MUCH FUN!!! wrote em in like three weeks, was churning out like 2 or 3 a day by the end, and was delirious with fever for a significant chunk of time but i'm so proud of myself for finishing in time!! if all goes well i'll be participating in 2025, albeit with slightly better planning and pacing this time!! :D

can you catch me when i'm falling down? - wilson's been having a bad day. luckily, house knows just what to do to make him feel better.

my gift for @russell-crowe as part of the 20th anniversary exchange! it was a little different to write to someone else's specifications cause i've never done it before and it's out of my comfort zone, but it was a super fun challenge and i enjoyed it a lot!! will definitely participate in this again if it runs in 2025, cause it's such a good way to feel connected within the fandom!! :D

this year's for me and you - house hangs mistletoe above wilson's doorway in an attempt to fluster him. wilson isn't so easily fooled, however, and he finds a way to beat house at his own game.

my final fic this year!! this one is another gift, this time for @nekomura-chanzu as part of the holiday gift exchange!! had a blast writing this one, it was a nice break from all the whump and smut. nothing like a sweet silly fluff fic to end the year with a bang! :3

and that's it!! what a brilliant year it's been, and here's to 2025 being even greater!

i never know who to tag for these things (social anxiety will do that😅) but to any housefic authors seeing this, feel free to add on!! <3

my ao3 wrapped! tagged by @greghousebignaturals, template by @spicedrobot

2024 was my first year of getting back into writing fanfic since literally 5 years ago - and I only got back into it in the second half of the year (and I'll still be posting more stuff before 2024 is over lbr)

very briefly, these are the House fics I wrote this year, in chronological order:

Kill the Mood: Hilson try doing doctor roleplay during sex (and fail)

Bonk: Wilson gets a concussion :)

Don't Touch Me: Wilson hates physical contact and has a bad time

inappropriate use of hospital technology: House sends Wilson a dickpic and trans!Wilson jerks off about it

acting like a tough guy: House avoids Wilson on Valentine's Day (Wilson is very endeared by this)

sleep(less): Wilson is sleep deprived to the point of hallucinating a week after he started dating House

Slow Blink: Wilson is turned into a kitten. House is confused by cat body language

ow: trans!Wilson has period cramps

oh, and one more thing: Wilson gets hurt, House mother hens him, Wilson is a little shit

Want/Deserve/Receive: Wilson starts dating House and freaks out because he doesn't feel like he's allowed to be happy

the truth I chose to bend myself around: House accidentally takes truth serum. Nobody believes him (wip)

Tie Me Up, Pull My Leash: Wilson bets House to wear a tie and then tugs on it like a leash and they make out about it

I'm tagging @itooaminthisepisode and @oldmanffucker and @coffins-and-marbles and @defibrillism (if you wanna)

template below

[shooks-stupid-stuff]

alm plz ur gonna make me cry you sweet, sweet, boy-

[minor-solemnity]

To be a Seer pt. 1

In which there is a monster on the loose in Hogwarts, reader is a very confused fledgling Seer, and Tom fits in there somewhere. (Messing with the timeline because I can - Tom opens the Chamber in his sixth year not his fifth.) This is also basically the fic version of:

Tag List: @jinxqsu​ @naps-and-lemons​ @riddles-wifey​ @mainlynonsense @cakesarecute

As you manoeuvre your way out of the classroom, you catch Riddle’s impassive stare. His expression is clear, carefully blank, save for a small furrow in his brow. He steps aside wordlessly for you, and you pretend you don’t feel his gaze on your back as you exit the room.

“I’m not saying that Blevins has no insightful commentary on the 1923 strikes, I’m just saying I find it suspicious that his sudden reversal on his previous position comes at a time when it undoubtedly would suit his own personal profits,” Lizzie says as you walk towards the eastern wing of the castle. She hitches her bag higher on her shoulder and you duck your head to hide your grin. You’d both read his column in the Prophet this morning and had promptly entered into a heated discussion about the 1923 potions strikes and the holes of Blevins’ longwinded argument that unions should have no place in wizarding society.

“I do find it interesting that he left out that his own personal stakeholder position in the Potters’ potions company,” You agree with a roll of your eyes. “You’d almost think that he has something to hide.”

“Do you think we’re going to end up doing tealeaves again?” Lizzie asks as you enter the Divination classroom together. “Merlin, I hope not. I can’t stand tea without milk.” You simply shrug a shoulder in response and take your usual seat in the corner of the room.

“Such a pointless class,” Lizzie mutters as Levintus swings into the classroom and with a wave of his wand teacups and teapots appear on the small table that you share. “I really wish I’d opted for Arithmancy.”

“You hate numbers,” You remind her and begin to pour. “And it’s not pointless. It’s about as close as the wizarding world gets to psychology.” Of all the classes offered at Hogwarts, Divination is the one you look forward to the most. Not, you suspect, for the same reasons that your cohort have. For them, it’s a chance to chat with their friends without worrying about Professor Levenitus handing out detentions, for you… for you, it's a chance to practise your skill without anyone truly suspecting that you’re Seeing anything. You don’t say any of this to Lizzie, of course, even to you, your abilities are confusing and there is something about the thought of revealing that the fog in the crystal balls clears for you sometimes that scares you.

“Hmmm, I think I’d take Freud over tea leaves.” She’s about to say more but at that point, there’s a shriek from the opposite side of the classroom and you both whip your heads around to see what the commotion is. Loretta Fawley has knocked her and her partner’s teacup over in her haste to get away from the table, she’s flapping her hands around and you can see that they’re red and shiny, as though she’s stuck them in a fire and let them burn. “What the fuck?” Lizzie murmurs, her pale blue eyes are wide with shock.

You wish you could share her surprise, but your gaze is already shifting to the back of the room. As you suspected, Simeon Avery is tucking his wand back into his robes, a satisfied smirk curling his lips. You’d seen it in the smoke three nights prior. Not this particular scenario exactly, but you’d watched as the smoke had curled and shifted in the night sky, splitting itself unnaturally until two figures had formed and the cherry of your cigarette had sparked brightly. You’d known without knowing why or when or how that Loretta would be hurt and now… Now you wish tried to do something about it before.

“Mr Riddle, take Miss Fawley to the hospital wing,” Levintus’ clear voice cuts through the relative hysteria of the class, his eyes are hard and cold and you know that he suspects one of the Slytherins. You also know that he won’t ever be able to prove it. Slytherin’s look after their own, after all, and Loretta is a muggleborn.

From his seat next to Avery, Tom Riddle stands up smoothly, his expression is one of polite concern. You stand before you can convince yourself not to. You hate drawing attention to yourself unless you have to, but you cannot stand the thought of Riddle escorting Loretta alone. He might not have been the one to cast the spell, and he might be a muggleborn but he’d also not done anything to stop Avery. “Please, Professor,” You say, pushing past Riddle to take Loretta by her shoulders, “I’ll escort Miss Fawley. I’m her house Prefect after all; she’s my responsibility.” Levintus raises a questioning eyebrow but Loretta is starting to cry and he shrugs a shoulder a little helplessly, gesturing for you both to leave.

As you manoeuvre your way out of the classroom, you catch Riddle’s impassive stare. His expression is clear, carefully blank, save for a small furrow in his brow. He steps aside wordlessly for you, and you pretend you don’t feel his gaze on your back as you exit the room.

***

You slump further into your seat, resting your head on Lucas’ shoulder as you push peas around your plate. The events from Divination has left you shaken and with little appetite. “You should eat something,” Lucas says with a small smile, his own plate has been emptied twice since you all sat down. “It’s mad what happened though, and you don’t know who hexed her?” Lizzie shakes her head and you shrug a shoulder. You know, of course, but what good would it do in saying anything? Asides from anything else, Riddle had been sitting next to Avery and his standing among the professors is such that it would be your word against his. You’re not going to kid yourself that your prefect badge will do anything to sway the professors to your view. Maybe Dumbledore would believe you seeing as it’s no secret that he doesn’t seem particularly fond of Riddle, but then again, the looks the Transfiguration professor gives you when he thinks your not looking makes you feel like he doesn’t exactly think all that much of you either.

“I just hope it doesn’t happen again,” You murmur, though you know in all likelihood it will. “Loretta is the third muggleborn this year to be on the receiving end of something like that.” Lizzie shoots you a questioning look, her brow crinkles and she prods at her pudding thoughtfully.

“You think it’s got something to do with blood status? It could just as easily be someone’s twisted idea of showing off the new spells they’ve learnt.”

“If they were just showing off, they’d wait until Defence. I don’t know… I just… have a feeling, I suppose.” You don’t mention that this feeling is based in smoke and cracked mirrors, in tea leaves and dowsing rods. Lucas wraps his arm around you and squeezes you tightly and you grin into his shoulder. Your friends are used to your more sombre moods now and they know when to relent and when to push you into talking through the muddled thoughts that run rings around your head. “Subject change?” You ask at last, “I heard that Hillary Messers is going to stage a protest over the lack of Valentine’s Day activities this year.” This statement quickly launches you all into a long conversation of the merits of Valentine’s Day with Lizzie declaring that if a single boy asked her out for it she will curse their future bloodlines. Next to her, a boy in the year below you shifts away and you laugh brightly.

Across the hall, Tom Riddle watches you.

(part 1) (part 2) (part 3) (part 4) (part 5)

[statementlou]

IYO, any red flags/deal breakers one should look out for when following larrie blogs here? already blocked the GIF making ones (cuz they're mostly blouies) and the big ones, who loves the drama.

hmmm... I mean there are loads of blogs on here that seem like cool people but who I don't follow cause they post lots of stuff that isn't what I personally want to have to scroll through, be it full on deal breakers or just stuff that's uninteresting to me and untagged- like there's just a whole spectrum going from eh not for me to holy shit I wish I could fucking delete that blog. But you're asking about the far end of that spectrum, so... um I guess for me: people who state their theories as facts/ don't seem to understand the difference between theories and fact. People who want to delete other peoples' blogs tbh, like who think that if someone disagrees with their theory they need to be Dealt With and Schooled, so I guess I wouldn't actually delete anyone's blogs. I just don't like cops be it the real kind or just people acting like them, like thinking some fanfic is Bad and needs to be censored, or believing that not thinking Louis and Harry are married is punishable, or insisting that their lyric analysis is CORRECT and the only possible one, or who think taking a job pretending to be someone's partner publicly is morally Wrong and they are Bad People. IDK though, I think I have distanced myself so far from the really nasty shit that I'm forgetting some bigger bad flags maybe? in any event my personal shit under the cut why not

My personal NOs are: if someone is super negative and hateful all the time, be it about someone in the 1D-sphere or other segments of fandom (I worry that I'm one of these kinds of blogs to someone but I do try not to be), or who publish anti anons spewing their gross hate and nasty theories, even if its to make fun of them: hate just depresses me, even directed at targets I also dislike. It truly lowers my mood in a way that is hard for me to shake. Likewise if someone's blog is all asks or posts with the worst takes I've ever seen, regardless of how thoughtful their counterpoints, it's just not my thing. You can be hilarious or very correct in replying, but I already had to read that shit and it genuinely depresses me to be reminded how terrible people (and their takes) can be. It's the same reason I blacklist Tr*mp and shit like that you know? So with fandom, like the news, I'll go looking sometimes to see what's being said or to track down something I see people referencing but I want to be able to scroll without being blindsided by it. But maybe what ruins your day is something different? I have pals who find anti trolls hilarious and seek them out to see what they're up to, but flat out blacklist totally different stuff that I might roll my eyes at but not really be bothered by. But also my YESes! When I come on here I know what I wanna see: 1) a bunch of pics of Louis cause he makes me happy 2) some funny takes and memes 3) the people I follow having funny or insightful commentary on new pics or whatever in their tags or telling me some bts type info, I love knowing all the details and gossip 4) intellectually stimulating but emotionally low stakes discourse that doesn't involve anyone spewing hate at anyone else 5) enough UA type content to know what everyone is up to 6) enough clues about what's going on with the fandom or in the non-UA type updates (like, what did people figure out from that official post) to figure out if I wanna go find the drama and roll my eyes or comment. So that's what I look for!

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Here to Misbehave (Pt. 3 | S.R.)

Summary: Spencer decides to return to a previous tryst. Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader Category: Smut (NSFW, 18+) Content Warning: Dom!Spencer, handcuffs, hair pulling, oral, fingering, penetrative sex, rough sex Word Count: 9k

MASTERLIST | Series Masterlist

—————————————————

It was a Saturday night and I had nothing to do. My roommate had gone home for the weekend and all my other friends were at bars. I could've joined them, but it just didn't seem worth it. The last time had been so perfect, I just couldn't imagine that anything else could compare.

I'd tried going back to the same area a few times, but I never saw him again. Then again, seeing me back there might just piss him off. Then again, that would've been okay, too. He was pretty cute when he was mad.

But I wasn't looking at a cute boy that night. No, I was just sitting in my apartment, staring at the textbook that I wasn't even interested in reading. Wishing that something could save me from the boring limbo I had found myself in.

Then, like magic, my phone stirred to life beside me.

Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt.

I looked down at the LED, fully expecting it to just be someone tagging me in a picture of a cat. But it wasn't. The number was one I had saved in my phone, hoping that I would see it pop up again one day.

It had been almost a month. I didn't think it would ever happen. But there it was; a text message from Dr. Reid himself.

"Hey (y/n)."

When I slid the message open, I saw he was still typing.

"Long time no talk," was his second message.

That was an understatement.

"Hey yourself."

It was a cursory response. I wanted him to sweat a bit. He'd made me wait, so now he had to deal with the consequences. But then I changed my mind and immediately followed with a second text of, "Texting isn't talking you know."

"You never called. Why should I?" His response was so quick I swore he'd planned this all out in his head. He was playing me like a chess board. Bet he was good at that, too.

"It takes two to tango, Dr. Reid," I jokingly replied.

He read the message, but he didn't answer.

Getting nervous that he was losing interest, I continued typing.

"I figured you wouldn't want to see me again after I made you late. Are those marks still there?"

I smiled at the memory, because I knew he wasn't there to call me out for it. By the time he'd finally made it down to his ride, I had covered his neck in petechiae and his back was equally marked with scratches.

I'd wanted him to remember me.

It'd worked, too.

He'd been typing for a while and I was getting anxious. It had been a bold message to send, and I didn't really think it through.

Was he trying to let me down easy? No, that didn't make any sense. Who the fuck texts a one night stand at 10:30 PM on a Saturday after not speaking for a month just to end things?

He responded.

"Sadly, no. And I wouldn't be so quick to assume I don't want to see you because of that... Revenge is a powerful motivator."

That was the cheeky bastard I wanted to see. I could be cheeky, too.

"Is it?" I asked.

"Where are you tonight?"

His answers were starting to make my heart race. I had to get ready, because he was definitely about to ask me to be his booty call and I was definitely going to do it. Closing my textbook, I shot back another teasing reply.

"Not a club. I'm being a good girl tonight. All by my lonesome."

Thank god my roommate wasn't here and I had somehow been bored enough to clean today. I pulled out my make up and turned the light on my mirror on. As I started to apply it, I got a message that immediately solidified my answer to his inevitable proposition.

"Do you want to change that?"

'God, yes, I do.'

I waited another minute, wanting to be able to finish at least the bare minimum before he saw me. I knew he wasn't a superficial guy, but the last time he'd seen me I had gone full out.

"Which part?" I responded, already knowing his answer.

"Both."

So unpredictable in the most satisfying way.

I took a deep breath and a pause, tapping back a confident reply.

"Are you trying to entrap me, Agent?"

His reply was within seconds, and I was immediately reminded of how incredibly clever this man was. He knew exactly what to say to make me melt.

"Is that what you want?"

I wanted to pick up the phone, dial, and scream yes. But I didn't, opting instead for a calm and composed, "That would certainly be exciting."

My application grew significantly quicker, and I was already eyeing the special drawer I had for these exact situations. My mind was running through my collection of sheer fabrics and lace details, trying to decide what would work best.

Then he said the magic words:

"Send me your address."

Spencer was coming over, and it wasn't a dream. I was going to have that strange, brilliant, beautiful man back in my arms and I wasn't going to fuck it up. With shaking hands, I thumbed out my address with no other commentary. In a few seconds, I would know how long I had until Spencer Reid was in my apartment.

"I'll be there in 20 minutes."

Thank god. It was time enough to prepare.

—————————————————

Spencer Reid was going to be at my door at any minute, and I was suddenly terrified that he'd be disappointed. Convinced that I'd done everything wrong.

We'd had a good time before, right? I'd played over and over again in my head ever since it happened. I was reminded of the soft way he'd touched me in the morning, the childish laughs we'd shared, and the smell of his cologne on the sheets.

God, I hoped he wouldn't be disappointed.

Knock Knock Knock.

When I heard the sound, I immediately tried to fix my appearance in the mirror despite having spent the last 20 minutes doing whatever I could given the time. I had opted for one of my easier-to-remove loungewear pieces. A simple white lace negligee. He seemed like he'd like simple. The little hint of purity, however silly, would also probably appeal to him.

Slowly exhaling, I composed myself before opening the door.

"Hello, Dr. Reid."

He looked as handsome as ever, although I did have the distinct impression that it had been awhile since he had a full nights sleep. I wondered why, but decided not to dwell on it. 

"Hello yourself," he responded, his eyes ravaging my figure the very moment I stepped out from behind the door. He waited for me to take a step back and fully open the door before he walked in, and I watched the way he scanned my apartment.

I wondered what he saw.

"How can I help you, Agent?"

It was a tease, and based the look on his face when he finally turned to me, it took him a moment to figure it out. He was too much in his work brain. I could feel it. I'd never seen him at work, but I could tell.

"You seem tense," I spoke coyly, stepping closer and running my hands up his chest and onto his shoulders.

He didn't speak; instead his gaze bored into me, like he was going to lose his composure any second. But he held himself back. 

"Can I help you with that?"

That dark shine in his eyes was getting stronger.

"That depends."

As he spoke the words, he finally touched me, a sneaky hand finding its way to my hip. I gasped at the sensation and my eyes fluttered shut. He always had this immediate intoxicating effect on me that I just couldn't explain. I didn't care to, either. I just wanted to keep feeling it.

"Hmm... On what?" I murmured.

I tried to keep track of his hand as it sneaked to my lower back before pulling me closer. I tilted my head to look up at him as I opened my eyes. I just wanted to see that look again. That starved, possessive stare that made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.

Although he appeared stoic, I knew there was something brewing. I knew that he was reveling in the effect he had on me.

Such a quiet, peculiar mind.

"What do you have in mind?" he asked, and I recognized the question as something deeper.

He was asking me for my limits. He wanted me to tell him what he was allowed to do. I didn't know how to tell him that I would do anything for him.

How could he not already know my answer? Perhaps it was just his attempt at being a gentleman. But I didn't need him to do all of that tonight. I'd much rather see something more... feral.

"Whatever you need," I answered as sweetly as I could. 

I heard his soft chuckle. It brought a smile to both of our lips, and he used his free hand to stroke the side of my face. I quickly leaned into his touch, trying to prolong the contact for as long as I could. 

"Is that so?"

Yes, I thought before saying, "Anything."

His thumb glided over my cheek and to my lips, gently separating them as he stared at me with a morbid curiosity. He was wondering how far he could actually push me. So was I.

In lieu of an answer, I slipped his thumb into my mouth, running my tongue up it before closing around it. The gentle sucking was mixed with soft rotations of my tongue. His breathing rate increased as he stepped forward and pressed his body flush against mine.

"And if you change your mind?"

What a gentleman.

I wouldn't change my mind, but I chose to indulge him with the proper form. I released his thumb and held my mouth open for a second before biting down on my bottom lip.

"Hmmm," I hummed as I thought about what I might be able to say to set him off.

I needed a safe word that would drive him wild. The thing was, I only knew a few of his interests. But I did know enough.

"Starship," I giggled, a little nod to the enterprise we'd already bonded over.

The effect the word had on him was immediate. His hand shifted to hold my chin. He used that grip to push me against the wall to the side of us, and our mouths connected just as harshly.

What a ridiculously sexy nerd.

The impact of my back against the wall was nothing compared to the fire coursing through my veins. My hands scrambled to grab onto his belt buckle, already trying to unwrap the present meant just for me tonight.

Once I'd gotten the metal separated, I smiled into the sloppy, heated kiss. He stopped, pulling away just enough to look down at my satisfied grin. He didn't say anything.

"What's that look for?" I said with half-veiled bashfulness.

Had he noticed something strange that I hadn't intended to display? Was I going too fast?

"Nothing. It's just..."

'Please don't be something I did wrong.'

"You're so cute when you think you're in charge."

I couldn't control the way my hips rolled against the front of him as he spoke, and I licked my lips before concluding, "I am in charge."

I don't know how Spencer was so fast, but he was. Within seconds, he had both of my wrists pinned against the wall behind me. Just as quickly, he shifted so he could hold them both up with one hand, the other lifting the side of negligee so he could touch the skin of my hip. I wasn't wearing anything underneath.

"Adorable," he whispered to me.

Naturally, my body reacted by trying to regain control, to touch him more somehow. He knew this, which is why he took a step back, letting go of my wrists and watching them fall back to my control.

"Are you challenging me, Dr. Reid?"

He gave a content, sarcastic smile before shrugging.

"No, I'm not, actually. It's not a challenge if I already know I'm going to win."

I could barely notice the way I puffed out my own chest in response, ready to give him the challenge he was so clearly begging for.

"Fine."

I put my hands in the air in surrender, turning and strutting my fine ass down the hallway in front of him. I didn't turn around, and I didn't tell him to follow. He would. I was confident in that.

I took a seat on the side of my bed, crossing my legs over the other and looking down at my nails with a bored expression. Before I knew it, he was crossing the threshold into my room. He walked up to me, his hands in his pockets and a voice filled with too much confidence.

"I know what you're doing."

He had something up his sleeve. I could feel it.

"What am I doing, Dr. Reid?"

The way he approached me reminded me of a hunt. The cautious, quiet strides toward me were purposeful. He stopped just in front of me, with my foot resting against his shin.

"I thought I already warned you what would happen if you did this."

"Do what?" I feigned innocence, raising my hand to my neck before perching my chin on it and leaning forward.

"Tease me."

That time when his hand made contact, it was on the top of my head. He ran a gentle hand over my hand, and the feather light touches almost tricked me. I'd almost thought he just wanted to appease me. To end my temper tantrum. But shortly after he had gripped the back of my hair in his hand and used the new grip to roughly tilt my head back to him.

"I thought you said you were going to be a good girl tonight?"

I bit down harshly on my lip to stifle my giggle as he tightened his grip.

"Oops," I said with a smile.

Suppressing my laughs enough to string together a sentence, I pressed my hands against his chest while he maintained his grip on my hair.

"I guess if you really want me to be a good girl, Dr. Reid... You'll have to make me."

That instruction was what I needed to break the man in front of me. It was the command he'd been waiting for; the bait for him to finally take what he came for.

Before I knew it, he had spun me around. He abruptly yanked my arms behind me at the same time he bent me over the side of the bed. An unfamiliar, harsh, and fucking freezing material on my wrists told me all I needed to know. The clanking of the short chain when he released my hands was music to my ears.

That beautiful son of a bitch actually brought his handcuffs.

"At least one of us follows orders," I joked, happily remaining on display for the man behind me.

I'm sure he noticed earlier that there wasn't anything blocking him from taking what he wanted underneath the negligee. But he didn't take it. Instead, he pulled me up by the chain, letting me teeter onto my feet before he twirled me back to face him.

"Get ready to learn."

Spencer slowly began removing his tie from his neck while he watched me squirm. His threat raised the tension in the room, but he gave me no clue as to what he was about to make me do.

I couldn't wait.

Once he had removed his tie, he unbuttoned his shirt. It was infuriating not being able to touch him, and I was quickly becoming impatient. It was shocking that it somehow wasn't awkward. I guess I just liked him that much. My thighs were pressed together, and the friction from rubbing them back and forth was the only stimulation I could find right now.

He raised his eyebrows as he noticed, shooting me a warning glance that I knew meant to stop. I did, but only because I was worried he would make me wait even longer if I didn't.

"Get on your knees."

I swayed back and forth, prying my hands apart to shake the chain holding my hands back.

"I can't," I said with a pout.

Spencer seemed to be entertained, and for a moment I thought he might give in.

He leaned over, a quiet breath in my ear as he gave a few words of caution.

"Get on your knees or I will bend you over mine."

My legs shook at the way his breath felt on my ear, and the words made me want to melt. As always, he knew exactly how to get me to do what he wanted.

Deciding that I didn't want to be a full on brat right off the bat, I gradually lowered down to my knees and threw him yet another pout from my new position.

"I want to touch you," I whined before tugging at the chain again.

He must have known it was a test. I had been so open to the hand cuffs being on before, and I still was. I just wanted to see how much power my pout had. Judging from his response, my puppy dog eyes didn't have very much power at all.

"You don't need your hands for that."

In a twisted sort of way, I was glad. I wanted him to do whatever he needed. I wanted to be what he needed. I would be the fight he could always win.

So, when he finally pulled his pants down and let them fall to the ground in front of me, I leaned forward to reach him.

I was quickly stopped by stern hand fisting my hair once more, leaving me hanging in front of him with nothing fun to show for it. He didn't say anything, just watching me as I returned soft whines and rubbing my legs together again.

"For a brat, you're very eager. You don't even realize you're challenging my authority, do you?"

Per usual, he was right. Even on my knees and handcuffed before him, I was trying to take back my control. He at least offered me the control over my neck again, though. He released my hair, smoothing it over the top of my head as he licked his lips. I couldn't take my eyes off them.

"Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I should just let you beg."

I bounced on my knees, trying to express what I wanted without resorting to outright begging. Not yet.

"I'll listen to you, I promise." 

"Good," he acknowledged. "Open your mouth."

I obeyed, as I'd just said I would, opening my mouth wide with my tongue forward to receive him. As he pushed into my mouth, he would only give me a couple inches before retreating. He continued this pattern until he had gotten over half of it into my mouth.

That time, he paused, granting me a pleased groan as he let his head fall back. I responded in earnest, continuing to move forward as my tongue swiped over whatever it could reach. When I pulled back, I barely released any of him before going even further forward. I looked up at his face to see if he was impressed.

He was.

Shortly after, I choked as he hit the back of my throat. I receded enough to take a deep breath through my nose. I wished I could use my hands, but I appreciated the novelty of the cuffs for at least this one time.

I swore he heard my thoughts. Because after I finished my breath, his hands found the back of my head and pulled me even further onto him. If my hands were busy, he would just use his own.

That time as I choked, I swallowed. I could feel him slip further down my throat, blocking the air supply just for a second. When he pulled me back, I knew this was just the beginning.

Once he knew what I was capable of, he was ready to take control for good.

Sure enough, he set a moderate pace of thrusting into my throat, keeping direct eye contact with me as he did so. I paid all my attention on making sure I timed my breath, feeling tears prick the inside of my eyes as I let him take over.

He was so beautiful like this. I thought about what it must be like for him at his job, that I was the first thing he came to. I decided right then, that he would never feel powerless with me. I would be anything he needed.

Suddenly, his pace slowed down, eventually coming to a stop. He slipped himself out of my mouth, and the strings of spit snapped onto my chin. I couldn't do anything to stop the running make up or saliva with both of my hands behind my back.

I was certain I looked like an absolute mess. My knees were weak from the position, and Spencer had never looked so pleased. Bending over, he grabbed me under my arms and helped haul me  up onto the bed.

His hands casually wiped the tears from my cheeks, and he used the back of his hand to clean the area around my mouth.

"You are so beautiful," he uttered.

'Oh my god, I think I might love him.'

"You're not bad yourself," I croaked, my voice hoarse from what we'd just done.

"Tell me what you want," he dared me, his hand dropping from my hand down to my lap.

"Whatever you want."

It was the answer I had already promised him. I'd meant it before, and I'd meant it then.

He had still maintained eye contact, staring directly into my soul as he slipped his hand between my thighs. The lack of underwear made his job so much simpler, and I was thanking myself for not putting another barrier between the two of us.

Because as much as I wanted to be patient for him, I was growing desperate. Which is why when he finally touched me, his finger slid into my heat with ease. The slickness that had pooled was more than even I expected from the complete lack of stimulation I had received.

His finger wasn't there for long. He briskly removed it and held it up to my face before rubbing them together. He smiled as I struggled to breathe through the teasing.

"I've barely touched you... And yet..." he taunted, causing me to roll my hips, trying to get to something wholly out of my reach.

I was ready to start begging.

"Please, Spencer."

"Please what? Use your words."

He was loving it. He knew damn well that I had absolutely no control over what I wanted. I couldn't grab him, and I couldn't touch myself. All I could do was beg.

"Fuck me. Please."

It was as straightforward as I could possibly be.

"Still so impatient... so needy," he laughed, his hand returning to its place between my thighs.

I wailed as he began thumbing my clit. It was mind-numbing. He knew that I desperately wanted to be filled, and he was doing the exact opposite.

"Yes," I panted. "I need you. I need you to fuck me. Please."

Spencer didn't stop, continuing to stroke the bundle of nerves with quick, repetitive motions.

"Not yet, little girl," he growled in my ear.

It didn't take long for my cries to pick up, my hips rocking furiously as he drove me into my first orgasm. A steady flow of pants and cries were mixed with mangled attempts to call his name. He still didn't stop, refusing to touch me anywhere but the one spot until I finally ceased shaking.

I almost fell backwards, but he caught me with an arm around the waist. I could barely see straight, and ever such a gentleman, he held my delirious body upright for a moment. I could tell he was wondering if I was alright.

The concern mixed with overwhelming desire was too much. Even as he tortured me with pleasure, I could see what an incredibly kind man he was.

That was the only way this would work, I thought. I had to trust him. And I did. I trusted him with my life.

"Tell me what you want," he uttered, offering me a guilt-free retreat that I would not take.

"You," I purred. "I want you, Spencer."

Finally allowing himself to give in to both of our desires, Spencer turned me onto my stomach one more time. When I heard the crumpling noise of foil as he tore the condom wrapper open, I raised my hips into the air. I stood on my tip toes and rested my head and chest against the bed.

He didn't say anything else, lazily rubbing the head against my sex. A trembling, relieved sigh escaped my lips as I felt him breach my opening. He took his time inching into me, savoring the way I clenched around him as he stretched me open. I wished I could see the look on his face, but I could barely keep my eyes open as the rapture overtook me.

Once he was fully in me, he paused, grabbing hold of my locked wrists as yet another reminder that he was the one in charge. I

wasn't going to fight him if he kept it up, that was for sure.

Almost pulling himself entirely out, he jerked me back at the same time that he snapped his hips forward and bottomed out inside me. I yelled out at the sensation, which clearly urged him on. His pace went from composed to frenetic in a matter of seconds, and each time he would slam into me, I couldn't stop the loud moans and cries from spilling out of my mouth.

He didn't let them dissuade him. I was pretty sure that he very much enjoyed the fact that I couldn't control myself. That he was the one doing that to me. But, in typical, sympathetic Spencer fashion, he leaned over me from behind and wrapped a hand over my mouth to stifle the noises.

Didn't want to alert anyone of what was happening behind closed doors, after all.

I could barely breathe as he fucked me into the bed, my feet lifting off the ground from the sheer force he used in each thrust. I let him take out all his pent up frustration on me, enjoying the harsh sting as his skin slapped against mine.

I wasn't going to last much longer. We both knew that we were riding dangerously close to the edge. As much as I didn't want it to end, I was ready to fall off that cliff with him.

His thrusts became jagged and stunted, and my thighs tensed tightly together. I chanted his name into his hand, unable to control myself as I felt my muscles flutter around his cock, urging him to finish with me. He happily obliged, pulling me roughly back to him one more time. Our hips violently collided and he held me down as far as he could onto him before emptying himself into the latex.

I could feel the soft twitching of his cock, and I started to wonder things you're not supposed to wonder about a booty call. I'd come back to that later.

A booty call. A one-night-stand.

Were we still just that? I wasn't going to ask... yet.

It felt so cold when he peeled himself off my back and slowly removed all of himself from me. I whined at the friction following the overstimulation. My legs shook terribly as my feet scrambled to touch the floor.

I couldn't see him, but I heard him throwing the condom in the trash before going through his clothes. Soon after, his hands were gingerly repositioning mine, granting him access to remove the cuffs. Once he'd slipped them off, I realized just how numb my arms had gone. They flopped uselessly to my sides, and I struggled to move my fingers.

Spencer's arms were around me before I knew what was going on. Delicately, he turned me onto my back despite my protesting groans. His touch was so gentle in a way I can't explain. He was acting like I would shatter at his fingertips.

"Wait here," he spoke in a hushed voice, placing a gentle kiss against my cheek.

I would wait anywhere for him.

While I did just that, I moved just enough that my entire body was on the bed. I inched up to the pillows and waited to regain my strength. My wrists were irritated and dented, but I couldn't really care. If anything, it would serve as proof that this night wasn't just a wild fever dream.

I saw Spencer out of the corner of my eyes, carrying an assortment of items that I couldn't help but laugh at.

"I come bearing gifts," he snickered before gracelessly dropping two bottles of Gatorade, a bottle of Advil, and lotion onto my bed.

"My hero," I spoke through the daze as I watched him pull his underwear back on. Understanding that the Advil was to stop my wrists from hurting, I took a couple quickly before I couldn't help but snicker at the sight before me.

"Awwe. I like the way you look without them, though," I teased, motioning to bottom half. "You have a cute butt."

He just chuckled, sitting down next to me and pumping lotion into a hand before motioning for me to give him my wrist.

I turned onto my side and presented him with my hand. Once he started to work the tired, abused muscles, I watched his face. The way he carefully admired the muscles while he worked, like he was trying to rebuild my wrist to the way he found it. He was so careful.

After a few moments, he held out his hand to switch, to which I also obliged.

I muttered a soft, "Thank you."

He only gave me a fleeting glance before returning to our hands.

"It's the least I can do. After what you let me do."

It was a bit of a joke, but also very genuine. He didn't call it aftercare, but that's what this was. I was familiar with it.

He was good at it.

Once he was satisfied that my wrists were going to be okay, he turned to his side to look at me. I looked up at him and wondered if he noticed that I saw the world in his eyes. I wondered if he could sense the overwhelming joy that flowed between us. I wondered if it was just in my mind that it was going both ways.

"I hope you know that I really do appreciate you," he said with a surprisingly serious tone.

My heart fluttered in my chest in a very inappropriate manner.

"Is there anything you need from me?" he asked.

Yes, I wanted to answer. Everything.

I wanted to kiss him, but I couldn't.

This doesn't mean anything, I reminded myself. He was just doing what he had to.

"No," I lied, instead. 

I think he knew I was lying. Of course he knew. Nonetheless, he draped an arm over me and scooted closer to me until my head rested against his arm. He gave my forehead a chaste kiss, and moved his fingers unhurriedly against the bare skin of my back.

I could've fallen asleep just like that, but I didn't want to. I wanted to feel that close to him forever. The freedom and happiness flowing through me was so intoxicating that I'd started to think about my previous thoughts I had during sex.

He was about that age men started to want kids and...

"Do you want kids, Spencer?"

'Oh, fuck, did I say that out loud?'

He looked as surprised as me to hear the question, and for a moment his hands stopped clean in their tracks.

'Oh no.'

"Uhh," He cleared his throat, "Yeah, I do. Wh-Why do you ask?"

Although he continued to drag his fingers across my back, it was different now. He was suddenly much more distant. Because seriously, why the hell would he not? We barely knew each other, and I definitely sounded like a crazy person.

"I was just wondering. You're good at taking care of people."

It was true. If he noticed I was covering my ass, he didn't say anything about it. Thank god.

"I'm not actually too sure about that. Right now you just think I'm good at it because your body is coursing with endorphins and adrenaline. The chemical process of love is extremely finicky and easily mimicked. Especially post-orgasm. Once that goes away, you might find you feel differently about me."

I doubted it.

Still, I shifted away from him, backing up so I could see his face again.

He continued, "You know, almost half of women surveyed said they felt anxiety and overwhelming sadness after sex. They even coined a term for it, aside from the typical sub-drop discussed in communities of more extreme sex. 'Post-coital dysphoria.' It's a shame really, that the idea of reassurance after sex isn't more mainstream."

Sometimes it was easy for me to forget he was some kind of genius. I always saw him at his most confident, which happened to also be his most quiet. As he taught me about things that I definitely should have been taught in high school sex education (but was not), I was not filled with anxiety or sadness.

In fact, I was happy.

I didn't really know him that well yet, but I wanted to.

"I can see why people mistake sex for love sometimes, then," I mumbled, not realizing the weight behind my words. It seemed obvious to me in the moment that he wouldn't think I was talking about us.

But then he pulled his hand back, running it through his hair and clearing his throat again.

"Yeah," he agreed, nonetheless, "It's pretty common."

I took a deep breath, panicking on how to pull him back to me. I lightly stretched, shifting to sit up and put some literal distance between us before the figurative distance was too far.

"Well, no worries here, Dr. Reid. I can confidently say I am not in love with you."

I could feel his eyes following me. I said I was confident, because I was. I was not in love with him.

Was I falling in love with him? It was a different question. I didn't know the answer to that one.

I excused myself for a moment to go to the bathroom and freak out in isolation. I could not believe I was somehow incapable of controlling my words around him. He just had this face that made you want to spill your heart out to him.

Did he know that? Whatever. It was easier to blame him for being so damn cute.

When I made it back to the bed, he was already half-asleep. He looked so peaceful and unassuming compared to the dominating personality I had seen not even ten minutes ago. As quietly as I could, I sneaked into my side of the bed. He began to stir, so I came up behind him and wrapped an arm over his waist.

"You know, they say it's dangerous to stay the night after a one-night-stand," I whispered, resting my face on his shoulder. "People might get attached."

"Technically this would be a two night-stand, so I don't think the same rules apply," he grumbled before placing his hand over mine on his stomach.

"Well, if you really  want to get technical, we are a one-night-stand plus a booty call," I corrected, earning a playful scoff from the man beside me.

"Pretty sure those are mutually exclusive."

I tried to repeat to myself that he was just trying to be nice. He was doing what all people are supposed  to do after sex. It didn't mean anything, I tried to convince myself.

It didn't mean anything.

"You're right."

I still tried to convince myself. It still wasn't working.

Fuck it.

"We could be something more. If you want to," I suggested. I'd sounded absolutely bored by the idea on purpose, but it still hadn't been enough to convince him that I wasn't out here proposing marriage to a fucking bootycall. 

His entire body tensed under my touch, like my words had inflicted pain. From my position half on top of him I felt his chest stop moving as he held his breath.

I shouldn't have said it. It was easy to say that in hindsight. But the truth was, I wasn't the only one blaring sirens of my growing attached to the kindhearted man who'd just massaged my wrists. Spencer had always been the one to be blatantly affectionate with me. It was him who had wanted to make this a recurring habit in the first place.

He was the one that always chose to stay the night. He was the one who initiated it. It wasn't just me who wanted something more, but he had to be a stupid, proud man like the rest of them.

"(Y/n) I—"

I knew that tone. I'd heard it before. He was going to tell me he couldn't be with me. We couldn't 'date,' or whatever he'd convinced himself the mature version was of the juvenile phrase.

But I already knew that. He was a fucking FBI agent and he was 10 years older than me. I barely knew anything about him. Had he ever even had a girlfriend? Did he have one now? I didn't even know, and that wasn't what I'd asked. 

Still, he was struggling to come up with a way to let me down easy, and I didn't want to hear it. It was going to be a lie, anyway. So, I covered his mouth with my hand and stopped him before he ended things for good.

"Friends, Spencer. I meant we can be friends."

Suddenly, we could both breathe again.

"I'd like that."

The tension melted from the room, but only so much. There was still a wall between us. I wasn't sure if it'd ever go away, but that was a problem for another day. 

"Me too," I lied.

I didn't want to be friends. I was scared what 'friends' meant. I was nervous that what I'd done was give him an out to never talk to me again. I was petrified that he'd lose the ability to see me as anything more than a collection of mistakes he'd made.

I didn't tell him any of that. If he noticed, which I'm positive he did, he didn't say anything about it. I was sure he wouldn't. Because even though he was about to shut me down, I knew part of him was craving the intimacy I was willing to offer him. I figured I'd just have to do it quietly for the time being. Wouldn't be the first time a woman took responsibility for a man's feelings.

At least the sex was worth it.

I tried to pretend like that's all it was. After a minute of listening to his heart beating rhythmically underneath me, though, he rolled over once more. Unable to leave him behind just yet, I joined him. I turned so he could pull me as close to him as he wanted.

There was never a barrier between us when the words were removed. My body fit next to his like it had been molded for that purpose. I curled into the warmth and I savored the quiet moments that I was convinced could never come often enough.

As I drifted off into sleep in his arms, our legs tangled together like we were part of the same two headed beast.

My last thought of the night was the one I'd been trying to avoid.

I don't want to be friends, because friends don't do this.

—————————————————  

Waking up next to Spencer in my bed that morning was somehow even more ethereal than before. Although I'd shifted several times in my sleep, he'd found me in the darkness each time so that he could cling to me again.

I didn't want to move. I was worried I would wake him and we'd return to our previous lives like this had never happened. I thought back to how tired he had looked when he first got here. I still wasn't totally certain what a profiler is, but the haunted look in his eyes and the tension in his muscles told me it wasn't easy.

I ghosted my fingers over his hand splayed out on my stomach, and the touch only served to make him pull me closer to him.

He was like a child with his favorite toy, desperately seeking out the comfort only I could provide him. I continued to run my hands along his, eventually going up his arm and quietly giggling at the goosebumps that formed. I didn't want him to wake up, but I also didn't want him to be awoken with another notice that he had to leave.

I wondered what the morning would be like without a time limit.

When Spencer began to stir, the first thing he did was bury his face between my shoulder and neck. I giggled at the tickling sensation of his breath, and he responded by peppering the area with short, light kisses.

It was my favorite way to say good morning.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," I said through the laughter. 

He didn't speak, just humming back contentedly as his kisses became more involved.

"Now who's the needy one?" I teased, tilting my head to grant him more access.

"Still you," he sighed against my skin.

"You know what I really need?" I began, starting the impossible task of turning onto my back while he refused to let go of his hold on me. "Coffee."

I couldn't help but laugh at the playful groan he released in response. He clearly agreed, and even followed the joyful sound with, "And they say the perfect woman doesn't exist."

It didn't mean anything, I warned my heart as it began to race. It was just a joke.

"Well, I didn't for the first ten years of your life. But don't worry, Dr. Reid. You have me now."

The brag, paired with the reminder of our age gap, earned me my release from his embrace. I was sad to lose it, but I'd also been scared of the effect it had on me.

"Your humility is my favorite part," he said in jest as he watched me squirm out from under his arm.

I stuck out my tongue, and he spoke again.

"Wait, never mind. I forgot about that part. That's my favorite part."

My face burned as I sucked it back in before pouting and climbing out of the bed. Grateful that I still had on my negligee, I stopped to pick up his clothes and tossed them onto the bed.

"Come on, lazy bones. I don't know how you like your coffee."

He just smiled, that gentle yet goofy look that told me he was enjoying himself. I didn't stay to watch him get dressed, deciding he deserved his privacy, despite the fact that I had shoved his dick down my throat the night before.

When he got to the kitchen, the pot was already on. I was leaning forward against the counter, half asleep on my propped up hand. He didn't take a seat at the table. He positioned himself directly behind me and wrapped an arm around my chest.

The man just couldn't keep his hands to himself. I wasn't complaining.

He slipped a hand beneath the front of my negligee, becoming more daring as he gently kneaded my breast and his mouth continued to mark my neck.

"What did I do to deserve all this attention now, Dr. Reid?"

It was a serious question. I had literally just been standing there. I had just woken up. I hadn't even cleaned my face.

"Nothing. You just exist."

I both chuckled and scoffed at the answer. So much for not wanting things to be emotional. Being the more responsible of the two of us, I focused on the way his tongue devilishly drew different sounds from me.

He suckled gently on the side of my neck, and his fingers began to tweak my nipple. A moan was ripped from the back of my throat as I jutted my hips backwards against him.

"God, when you react like that I can't help but think you want me to fuck you over this counter."

He was right. I did. Men weren't the only ones who had to deal with illicit thoughts in the morning. I figured he knew as much.

"Please," I begged, moving my arms so I could brace myself against the ceramic.

"Only because you asked nicely."

He withdrew from my neck. I heard as he drew familiar, crinkly foil from his pocket and I giggled at the anticipation. At the knowledge that he'd clearly pulled one from his wallet before he ever left the bedroom.

Soon enough, his fingers were trailing up my inner thighs, quickly encountering my very wet center that was still affected by the night before. Upon realizing I didn't need any preparation, he skipped it entirely. Slowly and with purpose, he slipped inside of me. I let out another loud moan as he filled my sore heat.

"Fuck," I heard him mutter under his breath.

I loved to know he couldn't entirely control himself with me. I wanted to know how I made him feel. It wasn't like the other times. There was no battle for dominance; I submitted to him immediately and freely. He was not rushed or driven by high emotions. His thrusts were slow, deep, and intimate. One of his hands returned to my chest, paying special attention to the breast that had been ignored before.

I leaned forward into his hand, my back arching to provide him with whatever relief he was looking for inside me. I panted out his name as my own version of a Sunday morning prayer.

It went on like that for a while. He took his time with me, like he was memorizing each nook and crevice he could reach. My legs were beginning to shake from his intrusion and also from my impending orgasm.

"Spencer..." I whispered his name differently this time, and his hands withdrew. I whimpered at the loss. But my disappointment was short lived, as his hand found its way down to where our bodies met. I gasped at the contact.

"What, (y/n)?" he asked with the utmost concern, beginning to make soft circles around my clit while he continued to fuck me from behind.

"I-I'm going to..."

I couldn't finish my sentence, collapsing forward as the stimulation became too much to bare. As it usually did, his other hand grabbed hold of my hair, clutching it tightly to pull me back up to him.

"Then do it."

His statement was a demand, but also its own beg. He wanted to feel me finish before him. I couldn't fight it even if I wanted to. The way he commanded control of my body was a force that could not be ignored. The ever tightening coil inside of me snapped, causing twitches and spasms to rack my body.  My mouth tried to call his name, but my voice didn't come out.

I tried to grip the ceramic when he began to pick up his pace, fucking me harder as my orgasm went on. I knew how much he loved to feel me come undone from the inside. But he held on, continuing his brutal pace until even after I had devolved into a panting, dripping mess underneath him.

My soft mewls from the sensation of being fucked through peaked bliss were still not enough.

"What do you want, little girl?" he growled in my ear as he leaned forward, somehow thrusting harder. Another moan was bubbling up my throat as my feet left the ground with each impact.

"I want... I want you to cum. Inside me."

It was a beg laced with pants and high pitched whines. It was what he wanted to hear.

He grabbed one of my hands, guiding it to my lower abdomen and holding it there. I didn't realize why until the next thrust, when I felt a bump form as he moved within me. I hadn't even considered how deep within me he was. He was showing me how much of me belonged to him.

I'd already known, but the reminder was nice. 

With a few more rough, deep thrusts, he had buried himself inside of me, and I could feel it against my hand. From within me I could feel him spilling into the condom.

I remembered my question about children. I remembered his answer.

That beautiful, sneaky bastard was imagining what it would be like to make me pregnant, whether or not he would admit it. I had put the thought in his mind. I just wasn't expecting it to have that profound of effect on him. I was more turned on by that than I'd like to admit.

I had said that I'd do anything for him.

He didn't say anything else. He released my hair and pulled out of me. He left me to prop myself up on the counter the best I could while my body trembled from the loss. 

At some point, the coffee pot had finished. I figured there were worse ways to pass the time.

Spencer was gone when I turned around. I figured he had gone to the bathroom to clean up, and I tried not to think anything of it. I poured two cups of coffee and pulled out the cream and sugar.

When he came back, he'd come with his phone. He sat down at the table and silently read through messages from the past hours he spent with me. I watched him prepare his drink, immediately downing some of the contents despite its temperature.

"Good lord, do you even have feeling in your throat?" I asked, laughing as I continued to stir my cup.

"Interesting you would be the one to ask me that. After last night, I wondered the same about you."

Touché.

"Did you get any interesting messages? Is the ever-so-busy Special Agent Dr. Reid going to be whisked away from me without a proper goodbye again?"

The words were laced with only a little bit of bitterness. He ignored it.

"I don't know if I would classify our goodbye last time as improper. At least, not in the sense you're using the term."

He was avoiding an answer. I figured he had to go. Or, well, he wanted to.

That's fine, I told myself. He can go. Even though I didn't want him to.

I watched him, the way he continued to nurse his drink with one hand and look at his phone with the other. I tried to suppress the hearts forming in my eyes.

"When will I get to see you again?" I asked, my tone full of trepidation.

"I'm not sure," was his honest answer, given without ever looking up at me.

"We should do something fun."

That made him look up, with a sly grin forming on his face.

"Not like that, you perverted old man," I laughed.

He raised his eyebrows, choosing not to reply outright to my taunt just yet.

"As much fun as we have in bedrooms, I don't know much about you. I'd like to change that," I explained. 

He watched me carefully, his eyes shifting away as he began to overthink it. I could see the cogs of paranoia turning in his mind. I think even he knew he was being sort of ridiculous.

"As friends, Spencer," I reminded with a gentle smile. "Let's do something fun. As friends."

The reserved half smile he gave would be good enough for me.

"Sure," he conceded, which filled me with a bubbly happiness I tried (and failed) to conceal. "I do have to go now, though. If for no other reason than wanting to change."

An understandable concern. I was fine with him leaving if I knew I would see him again this time. But still, something about him leaving so soon hurt a deeper part of me. I wondered if it was that dysphoria he was talking about, but decided not to question it, lest he tell me it was something more worrisome. Something like infatuation. 

I nodded, leaving my coffee on the table as I took his already empty cup. He stood up, waiting for me to return before the both of us walked over to the door. Something about his hesitation resonated in me. My puppy dog eyes were out in full force as I stared up at him.

I wasn't able to smile as he left.

"I'll see you again soon. As soon as I can," he assured me.

I wanted to believe him, but I hated that I didn't know when that would be.

He reached a hand down, brushing loose hairs from my face and commanding my attention that I so readily gave. 

"Don't look so sad," he instructed. "It makes it hard to leave."

My chest swelled with anxiety and adoration. I wasn't sure how to combat it. I hugged myself with one arm, and Spencer shook his head with a laugh.

"Still not following directions."

He didn't seem to mind all that much, though. He leaned forward and cupped my face in his hand. Our lips pressed against each other with a tenderness that made my head spin. We kissed each other in a way that was carelessly romantic.

When he pulled away, he stared into my eyes for a second too long. And when he waved goodbye and walked out of my door, I couldn't get the thought out of my mind.

Friends don't do this.

—————————————————  

| Part 4 |

[spaceorphan18]

I was tagged by @esperantoauthor and @20xbetterthanu - thanks guys! How sweet of you to think of me :) 

How many works do you have on AO3? 55

What’s your total AO3 word count? 753,339 <------- Clearly I am very wordy. 

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? I mean, three major ones - The Office, Glee, and things related to Marvel.  

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 

Faking It (283) - It’s Marvel Characters and fake dating

The Accident (268) - An Office AU/reworking of Season 3

99 Perspectives on a Single Love Story (263) - Klaine’s love story told by everyone else. 

How I Met My Soul Mate (243) - A Soul Mate AU where Kurt gets drunk and talks about how he met his soul mate.  

An Experiment (226) - It’s just Stucky porn because I wanted to see how many hits I’d get off it. 

Do you respond to comments, why or why not? I do! I’m terribly behind in responding currently, but I feel like if you’ve taken the time to write something nice, the least I can do is acknowledge that.  

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Oh, hmmm, I don’t really write that much angst - or things that don’t end on a solid, good or hopeful ending.  The closest is probably From The Empty Stage - which is about a reunion but they don’t end getting back to each other there.  The saddest ending is, probably for obvious reasons, The End of the Story.  

Do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written? Not really.  I tried to write that Glee/Check Please crossover, and while there were interesting ideas there - I just never got into writing it.  I did write a Glee/Avengers one that was a joke.  And then there’s my Glee/RPF one that’s cracky meta commentary more than an actual story.  

Have you ever received hate on a fic? No, not really.  If people hate my work, they kindly do not tell me about it. 

Do you write smut? if so what kind? Well - I do now.  It’s mostly pretty tame though, and other than the ridiculous Smut Challenge, it’s usually story driven. 

Have you ever had a fic stolen? I really hope not! That would suck. 

Have you ever had a fic translated? I have! Some very nice ladies translated a few of mine to German, which was very kind. 

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes - @ckerouac and I did!  :D  

What’s your all time favorite ship? This is hard, because I’m not sure one is more beloved than anyone else.  I will say that I write Klaine the most - and feel the most attached to writing it. 

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? The CrossRhodes Saga.  I love the idea of it, but man if I ever am able to finish that up...  

What are your writing strengths? Humor (or at least I think so), characterization, general plotting, dialogue, and for fanfic specifically - being able to weave in canon. 

What are your writing weaknesses? Description, transitions, and the ability to be concise in my writing.  

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I think you should only do so if you really know what you’re doing.  If you don’t speak the language - make sure you’re consulting someone who does.  

What was the first fandom you wrote for? I suppose, officially, it’s The Office.  But let’s be real - I was writing Mighty Duck fanfic by twelve.  

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? It’s probably still With Every Broken Bone -- I’m still so proud of it, and I do go back and reread it every once in a while.  There is one coming up, though, that might pass it... we’ll see once I publish it.  

Thanks guys! This was fun! 

Tagging: @slayediest, @snarkyhag, @redheadgleek, @darriness, @honeysucklepink

[senbons]

do u hv any general tips on writing? ive spent so long re reading ur fics to learn from them, and each time im absolutely amazed at how good it is, like, each word feels like it needed to be there including words like "really" "probably" "even" just small things like that, make it so real, and as if we're actually reading the character's thoughts. also, when it comes to fics, do you base it off your own life? or do you some research, if so are there any sites u use frequently? have a good day <3

Hmmm okay

I'll go slightly out of order (under cut bc trying not to spam dashes):

First off, thank you so so much!! Wowzers! Every time someone says they've read something I wrote more than once, it makes me so, so happy!!! And to do it with the intention of learning?! Whoa! I'm so touched! Someone once told me they learned a lot whenever I did that "commentary" on coming up tails... I planned on doing that w ch. 11 of aibg (that someone requested)... maybe I should rally? Idk, if you think it'd be of some use, lmk and I'll begin this weekend. That said, I never took a writing class apart from one memoir one, so idk much. I'm also just kind of going with the flow and hoping what I write makes sense! I don't think I'd ever have enough confidence in my writing to go into a creative lit class or anything! (funny you'd say that about not having one excessive word bc I'm actively trying to write LESS... I think I always have too many unnecessary words 😂)

(vaguely answered inspo before) I do base a LOT off my own life. Mostly conversations I'm imagining with people I like. Like I have a crush on this guy (see any other post), and a few months back I saw him in a store and we didn't speak, but saw each other. i kept imagining he would wait outside when i exited and i'd walk up to him and the first thing i'd say to him, meeting him in person for the first time, would be: "i'm going to hate myself, aren't i?" "why?" he'd ask. "for having sex with you." and that obviously didn't happen, but i imagined it over and over and am always tempted to write a ST story w work enemies based on that one fantasied-conversation. does that make sense?

The easiest ones offhand are ALL of On Pride. I did get a splinter and meet a classmate at the hospital week one of undergrad. I went to dinner with someone i liked all through law school and he always knew it and it always felt like the timing didn't work, but he also was single and then went out with someone else? but i still am positive liked me? idk (this and hospital were years apart and different people). Or in paper moon, I had a think w a guy in barbados that was similar... or had the same conversation at the cloisters in ny that they have in the church about god... So point of the story: yes, a lot of things are based off dumb shit in my life, but most is based off imagined-conversations with men. also a lot on scenes from media I consume. I'll see a movie, love one plot point, think about it for weeks, and then decide to write it down. (or these days, you guys... i did a rough outline of that whole royal!au/bodyguard!au after someone put it in an ask 😂)

That all said, I don't do research for inspiration... but when I have a question (see this answer) I just google. during oh, oh I'm on fire (worth the tag even though no one will read? 😭) I called my mother so many times to ask about the 70's (i.e. did you say fridge or icebox growing up? when did grandma stop wearing panty-hose?). So that's basically it? (i even read a book specifically for that though!). No specific websites. Sorry I can't be of more help!

And then, finally, general tips:

just write. That’s the most important. Edit later if that helps. Just keep writing.

I am a pro-outliner. But sometimes that doesn’t work for everyone. I love it because I can lay out the big things and then see where I have gaps. And when I need motivation, i already have the section basically drafted. So if I’m having to force myself (which happens — it’s work. There is always a few parts (sometimes more) of a fic I have to grit my teeth through), I already have what I want to say outlined and can just write it out and by the time I finish that section, I’m into it and can move onto the next thing. I love outlining. It helps me see the big picture too. And when I need motivation, I’ll just reread my outline.

If that doesn’t work though, then just write. And when it gets hard, see if you can just eek out one more page, even if you hate everything you’re putting down, just to get over that hurdle.

And find friends! If you ever need someone to look at your writing, let me know! I have no superlative ideas, but can always be around to talk through things/motivate!

Anyway, sorry for this morbidly long answer. I hope at least some of it was of use. And thank you for this message! It really made my day to see it as soon as I woke up!

<3<3<3

[rudolphsboyfriend]

20. favourite tv show?

29. describe your passion without mentioning it

49. first thing you notice in a person?

(also hope you’re staying hydrated and taking care of yourselves or else I’ll be forced to get there and tuck you in)

20- let's just say BANANAFISH would have a very very special place in my heart if it hadn't ripped it out of my body and torn it apart :)

29- ooo nice question I'll have to get creative w this hmmm

YES i want to hear about your analysis of the capitalistic commentary in Ratatouille. YES i want to hear about the homoerotic subtext in that Shakespearean tragedy. YES tell me all about the mating dances of peacock spiders or the defense techniques of japanese honeybees. YES i am absolutely enthralled by your rant about nuances in language. YES teach me all the archaic words you know and think should be brought back to life. YES tell me that random fact about toilets in 17th century french castles. YES tell me what was going through the poet's head when they wrote that poem. I will NEVER EVER use this information in real life but it doesn't matter.

That's the best i could do lol :") I'll put the passion in the tags if u wanna see

49- lol thia might sound a lil weird soo basically, i used to draw a lot some time back, i was constantly just drawing, faces especially. (I stopped bcuz work but i plan of continuing asap) so anyway whenever i was in public i got into this habit of looking at ppls faces and like imagining how i would draw them kinda??? Soo yeah the first thing i notice is a person face structure,,, not even their face as a whole I'll be like "ah this person has a hooked nose" or "wow those r some prominent eyebrows" or smn lmao

Finally, yes bestie i am staying hydrated i JUST drank water and i am trying my best to take care of myself 😌😌 altho a little bit of you tucking me in wouldn't be unwelcome :)

[photolover82]

The Masked Singer Season 5 Episode 5 Recap: Group B Finals ft a plot twist (Commentary & Guesses)

Hi everyone! Welcome (or welcome back) to Ana’s Masked Singer recap, where I, Ana, recap every episode of The Masked Singer. So, this week, we are back to Group B with yet another wildcard and it is the last time we are gonna see the groups on their own since after Group A’s final, we got the Super Eight (yup, it’s 8 this time... much better still than last season’s format). Anyways, let’s get into it (this is gonna be super repetitive from last week guess wise but I am gonna try to keep it interesting and fresh for you guys, don’t you worry):

Alright, so usually I would save the wildcard for the end as like a surprise, but since the wildcard got eliminated, let’s introduce (and say goodbye to at the same time) to the:

Bulldog!! 🐶

Commentary: Ok, he sang Candy Girl by New Edition (which is really funny and ironic for a whole other thing, I’ll explain in a moment I swear) and um how do I say this nicely?... he’s a great dancer, but the singing is, what Randy Jackson would say, “a no from me dawg.” (Get it? Dawg.. bc the bullDOG... oh ok I will stop now). Anyways, yeah no, he was not good, I kind of expected this to happen honestly, so I am not surprised nor disappointed by any means. However, the person under this mask kinda did surprise me lol... even tho I kind of saw this coming.

He was revealed to be, in the biggest plot twist of the century, no voting, just Neicy Nash picking it:

*SURPRISE SHAWTY*

Nick Cannon, our very own host and Ken’s “daddy*”

*which is ironic because he legit just announced he was gonna have another baby

Ok, ok, did I get this right on my own? Nope, but Twitter helped me out so thank you Twitter. I did officially guess him before he was unmasked (but that’s because I had no other guesses sooo can I really count this a win? Hmmm... TBD... you guys let me know). Anyways, BOOM PLOT TWIST BABY, he’s back! Just in case you guys didn’t know (I don’t really talk about the judges or the host here because I watch for the contestants not for them and it would make this already long blog longer and we don’t want that): Nick had COVID so he couldn’t host the first few episodes of the show, but now he’s better and BOOM he’s the host again... Neicy Nash was taking over for him and now he’s back! So yeah this was just a transition for him to be back on the show, but like imma be honest: he might have been married to Mariah Carey but he don’t got any pipes like her, but he’s a good host so he should stick to that.

Anyways, NEXTTTT, let’s talk about the remaining 4 (which are legit the same freaking ones from last week):

1. Black Swan 🖤🦢

Commentary: So she sang Whitney Houston's How Will I Know and I swear she gets better and better each week like she murdered this song, it was absolutely amazing, my favorite performance of the night hands down. I really love Black Swan, she has one of the best voices on the show and I think either her or Robopine could win the entire season tbh.

I think this has to be (tripling down/final answer/insert buzzer sound here):

Jojo

Reasoning/Clues:

10-10-10= She has appeared on multiple singing competition shows (she did a lot of those shows as a kid), she was on America’s Most Talented Kids and was a guest judge on celebrity X Factor

Montana= get this... if you are around my age, this will surprise you. Did you guys know that Jojo was the original person that the producers of Hannah Montana wanted to play Hannah but she turned it down because she wanted to focus on her music

In her physical clue, she talks about a female singer who passed away at a young age that she was friends with= she was referring to fellow R&B singer Aaliyah

2. Crab 🦀

Commentary: He sang Give it to Me Baby by Rick James and it was a very strong performance, it almost took me aback the song choice. I didn’t expect him to go that hard in the beginning, the hip thrusts were a bit uncomfortable for me and he can’t dance for shit (I am sure it’s because he’s a bit older, not faulting him by any means), but it was really strong vocally speaking. He did actually loose his breathe and started hyperventilating under the mask and had to take a break to cool down (literally, because he was burning up under there), which honestly I hope he’s ok, I am not sure if he’s gonna last that long because of that hyperventilating (remember Mickey Rourke?), but tbh it would have been so unfair for him to go because he did an amazing job and I enjoyed his performance. He got soul.... crab’s got soul.

This has got to be (doubling down, like omg even the picture matches w the body type and everything, I am onto something here):

Bobby Brown

Reasoning/Clues:

Mom kept him in the straight and narrow and taught him how to cook= well, he has spoke about how his mother has gotten him away from the gangs and trouble around his neighborhood and into cooking (he even has a food line, hence the Mac and cheese), which also made him take up singing and thus his band New Edition (remember how I said Nick singing Candygirl by New Edition was ironic? Well this is why... because crab is Bobby Brown aka one of the members.... also Black Swan sang his ex wife’s song so yeah this can’t get any more ironic) was formed

Big Ben= Initals, BB aka Bobby Brown and also he had a show in 2005 called Being Bobby Brown and one of the episodes “Bobby Does London” he goes to London

Ribs= he has a line of BBQ sauces and seasonings called Bobby Brown Foods

3. Piglet 🐷

Commentary: This time, he went a bit softer with the song choice which I feel compliments his voice better, with 7 Years by Lukas Graham, which made Jenny, who apparently hasn’t listened to this song before (wtf Jenny, this song was all over the radio in like 2017 and you are like a radio host hun), cry. I mean it was really amazing and ballads actually suit him a lot more than super upbeat songs like last week’s Andy Grammar song and I really enjoyed it, I’ve heard that song a million times so no I didn’t cry but I still loved it. I do think Piglet will go super far, my guess is he will make it to semifinals.

I am a 100%, tripling down sure that this is:

Nick Lachey

Reasoning/Clues:

Genie Lamp= He did a cover of Aladdin’s A Whole New World with his ex Jessica Simpson on Disney Mania 3

The “spider” who made him a family man= referring to Vanessa Lachey, it was supposed to be this whole Charlotte’s Web thing not really referring anything specific about her that she’s a spider, she could have been another pig for all we care

Dog Tags= in the physical clue, there are 3 dog tags, which he has been seen wearing (you can Google those pics) and they represent his 3 kids which his wife gave him before they had their third kid, Phoenix (btw there’s a P on the bottom dog tag shown)

4. Chameleon

Commentary: Ok so he rapped again but this time the song was Hip Hop by Dead Prez (which I have felt like I have heard but I have no idea where) and I usually hate rappers on this show, but like he’s legit. What I mean by that is like he’s an actual rapper (well Bow Wow was too... but Bow Wow only went as far as he did because of his dancing, Chameleon is just pure rap talent) and his flow is insane. I am not a rap fan whatsoever but I can appreciate good rapping and that was good rapping, actually it was great rapping. Sure, he’s the weakest link of the four but he’s also the coolest one could argue.

Mark my words, this is as I said the last 2 types, again tripling down:

Wiz Khalifa

Reasoning/Clues:

His little Chameleon/lizard= he has an 8 year old son named Sebastian (he also says Cam in the package which is his real name... by him I mean Wiz.... his real name is Cameron)

Martial Arts= the dude likes Martial Arts and has been trained in it and Jiu Jitsu, he has mentioned it in interviews, has been spotted training in gyms, it’s no secret at this point that he likes that stuff

Hot wings= he has a wings place called HotBox by Wiz and he was also on Hot Ones (for those unfamiliar, it’s a YouTube show where celebs eat 10 super spicy chicken wings while answering questions) idk if that counts but I am also gonna say it

So that’s it, guys! I hope you enjoyed! Follow me on Twitter because I do live tweet the show, it’s the same username as here @photolover82 and I do some of these in video form on Tik Tok too if you wanna follow, it’s photolover820 (close enough lol). So yeah, see you guys in the next one! Byeeee! 👋🏼👋🏼

[darkstarofchaos]

That moment when you stumble across an essay that you mostly agree with and consider reblogging, except that the OP implies that if you ship a problematic pairing, you must support abuse. So you go digging through their blog to get a feel for what they're like and find a dizzying mix of anti-abuse rhetoric, pro-trans commentary, and mean-spirited trolling/tags that make it clear they think shipping problematic dynamics makes you a terrible person. And so you decide not to reblog the original post that you mostly agreed with because you don't want to touch that kind of negativity.

Can we just stop with this "what you ship is what you want from your own relationships" insanity? I see it over and over, from "people's favorite dynamics are a character they can project onto + their type" to "if you ship this pairing you support abuse and should go die", and I'm SICK of it.

Hello, I'm aro/ace, and I write everything from fluffy romance to graphic BDSM. Usually in the same story between the same characters. Are you going to laugh and say I must secretly want a loving, erotic BDSM relationship despite my very real lack of interest in participating in either sex or romance? You seriously gonna tell me that? Or maybe you're gonna point to my own interest in the exact same problematic pairing the author of the above essay was hating on and declare that I must support abuse and want to replicate the dynamic in my own life?

Listen. This might come as a shock. But you have no idea why people ship what they do. And I don't give a fuck who you ship unless you're sexualizing a literal child in the process. But sadly, people have destroyed the meaning of pedophile so thoroughly that you can age up a child character and still be called a piece of shit despite the character being a literal fucking adult in the context of whatever work you created.

So why don't y'all get off your morally offended pedestals, and let the rest of us have our problem pairings, hmmm?

Sincerely,

A fic writer who has had a story on hold for over a year because of this shit.

[the-everlasting-dream]

In My Head - Rafael x MC

Summary: A commentary of MC Jaya’s thoughts during the date with Rafael last chapter. 

A/N: My brain - and by extension Jaya’s - is weird. Sorry. You have been warned. This is kinda bad but idc

Tags:  @chantelle-x0x , @choicessa, @mariamulroney , @drakewalkerwhipped , @thewolvesss ,  @mfackenthal , @srawesleyghuewrites , @topsyturvy-dream , @enmchoices , @gardeningourmet @debramcg1106 , @alesana45 , @meladoridarcy, @blackcatkita , @tmarie82 , @annekebbphotography , @lizk77 , @jayjay879 , @tornbetween2loves , @akrenich , @theroyalweisme , @likethetailofacomet , @sleepwalkingelite , @littleblossom-18 , @ooo-barff-ooo , @drakewalker04 , @mkatschoicesblog , 

Rafael Aveiro: @kennaloverofdragons , @ifyouseekheart , @brightpinkpeppercorn

Jaya FC: Pooja Hegde

Shower? Done. Deep condition? Done. Moisturise? Done. Shave? Goddamn Jaya its the first date, nothing’s gonna happen. Rafael Aveiro is not that kind of guy… And I am not that kind of girl.. 

Standards. Yep totally got those. 

Okay okay, time for the most important part of date prep. Picking the outfit.

What did he say again? Dress comfy.. Comfy, Mr Aveiro, means my panda onesie and Ugg boots. I hardly think thats first date material right there. Unless it was a movie date, and we got to build the PERFECT outfit. 

Think casual but cute. Classy but not like we’re trying too hard. Yep okay lets go. Ooo this dress is cute and it could pair it with those cream wedges... Where are they - NOOO. That stupid chocolate stain from my going away party is STILL there? 

So scrapping that idea. What about that leather skirt… Found it. Okay nope. I look like a hoe in that. We’re going for wholesome not HOEsome here. 

 What do I feel casual in? Pencil skirt? Dress? Jeans? Ugh Raf could you be anymore ambiguous in your description? Don’t you know that girls require a detailed agenda of what we will be doing on the date so we can plan our outfit accordingly??

Oh my god why do I not have anything nice to wear?? 

Ughhhhh I just wanna throw out my whole wardrobe and start again.. I wish Asos had instant delivery like you payed the the thing and it would just magically show up in your closet. I could put together a killer outfit in minutes.. 

Too plain… too boring… I’m pretty sure that should be in my laundry pile… That’s my lab coat.. 

Oh that’s a cute skirt… I’m pretty sure I wore that to the concert with Bryce… I don’t wanna outfit repeat though… 

Does this match.. 

Nope. 

WHY CAN'T I FIND ANYTHING TO WEAR?? 

Everything I have makes me look too short, too fat or like I’m trying too hard. I just wanted jeans and a nice top but evidently that’s too much to ask.. 

 What would Lois Lane wear? Wait how cold is it going to be tonight? 

 …Okay no skirts then. Alright he said dinner so that means no white or light colours coz we don’t know where we’re going so lets just go with jeans and maybe I could go with that burgundy off shoulder top I got last week? Huh.. that actually doesn’t look too bad. 

 Damn I actually look kinda good… Lets hope he thinks so too.

Alright now to give this mane a quick blow dry. Ugh why do I have my hair so long again? I literally do nothing with it but chuck it up in a pony tail… I should chop it off, do a new year, new me thing for spring or something.. 

Okay done. 

Now make up. Think classy and cute. Lets put on some music…. Hmmm.. Bollywood Jams… What haven’t I listened to in a while.. Got it.

Panghat pe aake saiyyan marode baiyaan And everybody blames it on Radha Chhedde hai humka daiyaan, bairi Kanhaiya And everybody blames it on Radha

*Twenty minutes of singing and dancing later* 

 Okay Jaya focus. Focus like your life depends on it.

 Time for *deep breath* Eyeliner.. 

Don’t… make… a…move… Okay that actually looks good. Time for the other one. Don’t… make… a…move… Fuck they don’t match… I’ll just make the other one thicker… Not that thick! Maybe I can use some concealer and make fix… Nope now that one’s too short.. Maybe… okay that looks worse… 

Fuck eye makeup I’m just gonna skip it

Are hoops too much for a first date? Do I subscribe to that ‘the bigger the hoop, the bigger the hoe’ thing…? Maybe… 

Nows not the time for experimenting Jaya. Focus. Now lipstick.. I cooooould go with red.. Who am I? Priyanka Chopra? Oh wait even Priyanka doesn’t wear red… Ok PC don’t let me down, I’m going with nude.. 

Shit is that the bell?! Okay okay, wallet, phone, shoes, I haven’t picked shoes yet! Ugh okay lets hope he doesn’t notice the chocolate stain.

Coming, coming. Oh wow he looks hot. I mean how does he make just a green jacket and t-shirt look good. Remember to speak Jaya. Say hi. Keep it cool. Goddamn Superman, you’ve got one adorable smile. Huh this old thing? Its just something I threw on… in pure desperation and defeat. 

 Omg guys pls don’t make a huge deal of this… I am so getting a roasting when this is over. 

 Please let’s go. Hang on where are we going? This is true. He can’t show me the city from indoors. Guess we’re doing an outdoor thing then...Apparently its a surprise. I can do this whole spontaneous thing.. Yep easy peasy.. so not still wondering if I’ve over dressed but if his outfit is anything to go off I think I should be fine? 

Umm do you know where we’re going? Coz i have no idea. And I hope you’re not taking me some place to get mugged. DONT say that out loud Jaya. Focus on the conversation.. He’s asking you if you like Boston..

God he’s gorgeous. And humble too. So different from any other guy I’ve dated. From any other guy I’ve met actually… They don’t make em like they made you Rafael Aveiro. 

He claims he’s not Superman but this is totally a Clark Kent outfit.. just missing some glasses. I bet he’d look hot in glasses. Does he wear glasses? I need to know immediately. Nope he doesn’t. 20-20 vision… Just like Superman.

WOAH 

I would have totally missed this place if I hadn’t known it was here… or hadn’t had my own personal Superman showing me around. Heh. 

Okay enough superman jokes. 

I don’t even know where to look, the food, the smells, the sounds, the people, its kinda like the night markets back home. And oh my god what is that smell? Best street food in Boston… Yep I don’t doubt that for a second...

….Is it too cliche if I say Indian food? Coz I have been dying for some Aloo gobi since I came to Boston and — THEY HAVE CHANA MASALA!?!? IM TAKING IT ALL SORRY NOT SORRY Subhanu you’ll be out of business by the time Jaya Da Silva is done with you. 

 Wait he knows everyone here? And they know him? Did he like… save everyone in this city or something? 

 Okay wow this is getting a bit crowded, is it too cliche if I grab his hand? Almost… there… Oh were at our seats… Bummer. 

Did he just… pull out the chair for me? Homeboy is earning some major points over here… I am impressed.

Damn he really does know everyone. If that wasn’t so impressed, I’ve be suspicious. Oh wait he’s grown up with these people. That explains it.

Community man.. Family man. Good match.. God I sound like the aunties back in Chennai. 

He’s way too adorable to be single. A sweet guy, who cares about the community and is genuinely kind and smart? Guys like him do NOT pop out of no where… What are the chances he’s got some crazy dark secret.. 

Goddamn Jaya calm down with the analysing. Just relax. 

Crap he just asked me about my community? What part should I tell him? The crazy expectations, the insane reputations to uphold or the life ruining rumours? Lie Jaya. You gotta lie. You can’t dump the truth on him this early on. He’s a nice guy but even he will turn tail and run if you tell him about your m-

Oh our foods here. OMG I apologise in advance but this has got to be one of the best chana masala’s I’ve ever seen. Patti would feel threatened. Let’s see how it tastes. SO FLIPPING GOOD. OH MAH GAAAHH 

Raf I hope you don’t mind if I pig out coz I’ve been dying for Patti’s food and this is the closest I’m probably gonna get and this is pretty damn close.

Is he looking at me enough? Omg is he looking at me too much? Don’t have something on my face? Okay lets subtly move your hand up and.. okay that was subtle enough right? Holy crap I had gravy on my mouth and he didn’t say anything… Maybe it wasn’t noticeable?

Do I prefer a community or my own space? Hmmm… How do I answer this tactfully…

Oh this is nice. We’re picking up a rhythm here. Just casual chatting… He is actually really funny… 

Okay Rafael Aveiro I see you. You’ve got that hidden sass in you that I sure as hell am going to bring out… 

Oh damn I stand corrected, we are already at the roasting phase — more like a slight toasting really but he’s bring up The Grand Bathrobe Incident of two weeks ago. Oh great, I am never going to live that down. But hey if it landed me here I have no regrets...

Wow he’s actually got a bit of green in his eyes. I never noticed that. Why have I never noticed that? Probably because I’ve never been this close to see it…? 

Oh wait I need a mint. All this chicken tikka and garlic I am gonna to do a major refresh if we’re going to do any kissing… or whatever. 

Wait he just gave me a look. What does that mean? Are we going to… no it can’t be. Omg I did NOT wear my cute underwear.. what if we have sex? Nope Jaya nope. No sex on the first date. No matter how cute the green in Superman’s eyes are. 

 Hmm guess not… Anyways

*Later*

No way he likes the same flavour of Skittles as me! He’s already planning a movie night for us? Wait is that a hint at another date? Or was it just a general thing? 

 Wait where is everyone else? Are we the last ones here? Hang on a second how did he pay without me noticing?? Nope I can’t let him pay, I- He’s not hearing any of it. Okay fine I won’t argue but next time I’m paying.

Did he just… ask to walk me home? Can this man get any more precious??? Of course honey you can. Gosh I’m melting right now, this is so adorable… 

Oh my god, our fingers brushed. They brushed again.. And again… Please take my hand, please take my hand. I really wanna hold yours but I’m too socially awkward to do that.. Thank god he got the hint. This is nice… real nice…

Okay that walk was way too short for anything to happen. We’e stopped outside my porch. I am SO happy I ran into you Raf. you made my shitty day so much better. Oh god this is like one of those movies where they stand outside the door for ages not wanting to say anything… I really wanna kiss him. Goddamn he’s dreamy as hell… 

How do I tell him I want him to kiss the life out of me without… you know.. telling him I want him to kiss the life out of me?

He’s gonna say goodnight? Wait THATS it? Just a goodnight and go? Wait I think he got the hint, he’s taking a step closer. Wow he’s tall, I’ve always liked them tall dark an handsome.. His eyes… wow..

Oh my god is this really happening? Does he want to kiss me? Of course he wants to kiss you, you dolt, he’s leaning in closer. Can’t you see the look in his eyes? Why is he waiting… Crap he’s waiting for me.. What if I’ve misjudged this whole — Oh fuck it here goes. 

Mmmm 

Woah.. 

Abshhgkl… can’t… articulate… kiss... too good… 

Breathe Jaya breathe. All tingly now. His arms are so strong… He can leave them around me… He doesn’t have to let go just yet… God he has the most amazing shy smile.. I could kiss him again… and again… and never stop… Do we have to stop? 

Oh yep he wants to stop. Thats…not unexpected… He wants to take it slow remember? Its probably a good thing. I don’t know what I’d do if I managed to sneak him upstairs — out of sight to all my roommates of course — get him pinned up against the wall, inch my fingers up that nice but totally unnecessary shirt of his — I bet he’s got amazing abs too — and just — 

Jaya! Stop it. Stop perving on the nice boy! This is your first date, he already wants to take it slow, lets not ruin this by not being able to keep it in your pants. Now pull yourself together and say goodnight. 

This is like a freaking rom com. Am I in Love Actually right now? He’s actually waiting for me to get in the house before leaving. Chivalry is obviously not dead everyone. Rafael Aveiro alone is keeping it alive. 

Oh fuck my keys, where are they where are they, shit hurry up he’s waiting for you to get in, don’t ruin the moment for me stupid k— Ah finally. 

He looks too adorable to leave out on the front porch. Smile and say goodnight Jaya like a grown ass adult. I really want run over and kiss him. And from the way he’s looking at me, I think he wants to too? 

Nope self control Jaya. This is what we practice in this household. Close the door and go upstair— Oh my god he’s whistling as he walks away. Ahhh does that mean he had a good time? Because I sure as hell did. I hope he asks me out again. Or I could ask him out this time. 

Either way I hope we can see a lot more of each other soon because you are something else Superman. Something else indeed. 

[commentaryvorg]

Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Part 2.7

Be aware that this is not a blind playthrough! This will contain spoilers for the entire game, regardless of the part of the game I’m commenting on. A major focus of this commentary is to talk about all of the hints and foreshadowing of events that are going to happen and facts that are going to be revealed in the future of the story. It is emphatically not intended for someone experiencing the game for their first time.

Last time in chapter 2’s Daily Life/Deadly Life transition, Ryoma’s corpse put a bit of a damper on Himiko’s magic show, Shuichi officially became Kaito’s sidekick and recognised this for exactly what it is, namely Kaito encouraging and supporting him, Kaito had more words for Gonta about being sure of himself and learned that Ryoma was trying to get stronger, and we left off as the newly-formed duo finished investigating the gym and headed out to check the other places of interest.

Let’s investigate everywhere else, then, starting with Himiko’s lab since it’s the closest on the way out of the gym.

Kokichi and Tsumugi are in here, even though just a second ago Kokichi appeared to be in the gym. Tsumugi says she’s here specifically to keep an eye on Kokichi because of the whole investigate-in-pairs thing, meaning she probably followed him here from the gym. So when on earth did Kokichi get the chance to sneak into Ryoma’s room and steal the motive video? He really should have just been suspiciously not there during the gym investigation and then turned up here now, making you assume he’d been here all along.

Kaito mentions that revealing Himiko’s trick would make things kind of boring.

Kokichi:  “Ooh! Kaito believes in Himiko’s magic!”

Kaito:  “That’s not what I mean. I was just thinking that her tricks are like magic that brings smiles to people.”

Tsumugi:  “Ah, yeah, I guess you could think about it that way…”

Kaito:  “Besides, it’s just like my dream to go to space! I believe I can travel across the Milky Way! I believe I will meet aliens! Flying around space with thoughts like that is the true spirit of adventure!”

He’s such a dork. And it makes sense that someone like Kaito would feel this way – he likes to believe in fantastical, impossible things not because he genuinely thinks they’re true but because pretending they are makes life more fun. This is why he kept insisting that those “adventures” of his he told us about in his FTEs were real things that totally happened to him!

He’s also practical enough to know when to drop the playfulness and actually be realistic, which is why he was trying to get Himiko to admit what the trick was earlier because people’s lives are on the line, but even so he finds it a shame to have to ruin the fun part.

And all this is quite relevant to the theme of fiction. Fiction is fun not because you genuinely believe it’s true, like when you’ve been lied to, but because even though you know it’s not true, for a little while you can immerse yourself in that world, suspend your disbelief and imagine that it’s true.

Kokichi:  “Kaito, that’s… the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! Your idealistic dreams won’t help this situation!”

Says the one who’s constantly insisting that lies are more exciting than the truth.

When you know what’s up, Kirumi’s meeting with Kokichi to lecture him and be motherly at him is quite obviously her desperate attempt to get herself an alibi for the time before nighttime when anyone could have entered the gym. Shuichi assumes that it’s because she’s fulfilling Kokichi’s earlier “request” for her to be his mom, but that’s just something Kirumi uses as an excuse to be doing this. In fact, there is a line in one of her FTEs where she mentions that she does not appreciate being called a mother, meaning that this is not a request she would usually take. If anyone happened to have got that FTE with her before this case, I wonder if that’d have raised some more suspicions about her actions.

Kokichi:  “She was starting to bore me, so I turned around to leave, and then…”

…

Kirumi:  “Stop right there… Our conversation is not over yet.”

Kokichi:  “I don’t gotta listen to you! You’re not worthy of lecturing the Ultimate Supreme Leader! C’mon, Miss Maid! Catch me if you can!”

Kirumi:  “Is that… a request?”

…

Kokichi:  “And then… I guess Kirumi decided to take tag super seriously…”

And this part, too. You can just see her thinking “wait, don’t leave yet, I still need my alibi!” She pretends it’s because of Kokichi’s “request” again just to try and give a plausible reason for why she’s doing this.

I find it a little odd that Shuichi doesn’t think he needs to confirm Kokichi’s account with Kirumi. It’s partially being presented as Kokichi’s alibi, after all, and if anyone would make up their alibi out of thin air, it’d be him.

Kokichi:  “By the way… you didn’t get captured by Gonta yesterday, did you, Kaito? Where were you? And what were you doing?”

Kaito:  “I was running around the whole time. I hid in bathrooms, bedrooms, all over the school…”

Kokichi:  “Hmmm, I see. …”

Kokichi has one of his sly grins for that last line. He knows that Maki and Ryoma had each others’ motive videos, and he knows Maki’s talent, so he assumes Maki’s the culprit. Here, he’s just learned that the only person without an alibi for before nightime other than Maki is Kaito. So what I think this is is him getting the idea for his plan to turn them against each other – or rather, to turn Kaito against Maki – during the trial.

Next I’m heading not to Ryoma’s lab even though the stairs to the upper floors are closest, but rather to the pool first, for reasons that’ll make sense later.

Kaito:  “The culprit probably got in and out from here! Alright! Investigate every nook and cranny!”

Kaito won’t rest until his sidekick has investigated every suspicious-looking nook and cranny!

*cough* Sorry, that was my Ace Attorney coming through again.

Monokuma:  “And then, that person will be rrrrrripped apart by the Exisals!”

Kaito:  “Y-You’d go that far?”

Heh, remembering the time you almost got ripped apart by an Exisal, Kaito?

Shuichi:  “It looks like… a little piece of fabric.”

Kaito:  “It’s just trash, right? Nothing to be worried about. We’re looking for the culprit! We don’t have time to pick up trash!”

Again with Kaito’s investigative skills being… not great. He does not have a good intuition for what’s likely to be important during an investigation.

Shuichi:  (Perhaps it’s just my intuition, but it does bother me. …I should learn to trust it sometimes. My intuition as the Ultimate Detective…)

But of course, Shuichi’s investigative intuition is good, and here’s him starting to believe in it even without Kaito’s direct encouragement!

Kaito:  “Hey, Shuichi… Does this pool really have anything to do with the case? We got all psyched up about it, but it doesn’t seem like there were any clues here…”

Yes, there were, Kaito. You’re pretty bad at this detective thing.

Kaito:  “Then why not just jump in and fish it out by hand? Oh! That’s right! They couldn’t get in the water!”

However, this does seem to be Kaito having figured out that the murderer only left stuff in the pool because it was nighttime, so props there I guess? Shuichi has also clearly figured that out, so it’s a little strange that he doesn’t try and argue earlier in the trial that the murder could have taken place at nighttime. I guess that’s part of the reason why he’s so unwilling to assume that only Maki or Kaito could be the culprit during that part, since that’s still in the back of his mind.

Kaito:  “Let’s go check out the other places. There’s no time to waste! Isn’t that right, sidekick!?”

Kaito is encouraging and good and a friend.

And now we’re heading back up to the third floor to Ryoma’s lab, even though the dorms are on the way to that. There is also method to my madness there.

Shuichi mentions the lab feels different from before but doesn’t spot why. Kaito doesn’t notice anything at all. Guys, both of you were hanging out in this very room two days ago; you should be more observant than this. The tennis net being down is kind of obvious.

While looking at the pool through the shower room window, because they already checked out the pool earlier, they think back to what Monokuma told them about the pool rules:

Shuichi:  “…can we assume no one was in the gym or pool at nighttime?”

Monokuma:  “…Well, at the very least, no one alive.”

…

Kaito:  “Why’d he say ‘no one alive’?”

Shuichi:  “I believe he was hinting that a dead person wouldn’t be considered to be ‘breaking the rules.’ Which means it’s possible that a dead body was in the gym or the pool at nighttime…”

Kaito:  “So there’s a chance Ryoma was carried to the gym after he was killed?”

You only get this exchange if you’ve been to the pool first, and it’s a helpful addition to figure things out, so I did things this way around because this gives me reason to assume this is the “canon” order that Shuichi investigated things in.

Kaito’s statement during the Debate Scrum in the trial is, “Rules probably don’t apply to corpses, you know”. For a long time before I knew this extra exchange existed, I assumed Kaito had managed to figure that out by himself. But, well… apparently not. Sorry, Kaito, I overestimated your detective skills.

Kaito notices the marks on this window frame, and…

Kaito:  “Now you understand, right, Shuichi?”

Shuichi: “What?”

Kaito:  “How amazing I am to have noticed such a super, ultra important clue… It’s all in a day’s work for Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars!!!”

What a dork. Someone might be overcompensating a little for having not noticed anything else or contributed to the investigation in any way other than this. He apparently wants people to think he is good at investigating, even though he really really isn’t.

Shuichi deduces in his inner monologue that the shower room is quite likely to be the true crime scene…

Kaito:  “It seems like you figured something out… You seem more confident.”

…and Kaito notices this and encourages him because he is Good and definitely can contribute to the investigation by boosting Shuichi’s morale.

While investigating the tennis net, we learn that Kaito used to play a lot of tennis.

Shuichi:  “You were in the tennis club?”

Kaito:  “That’s why… it pissed me off so much that Ryoma was acting like that…”

Shuichi:  “Did you… know Ryoma from before?”

Kaito:  “I never met him, but I heard a lot about him. I mean, these days, there’s no one who’s played tennis that hasn’t heard of him. He’s been a tennis legend since middle school. He was like a hero to every tennis kid. And then… once I finally got to meet him, he became a coward…”

Here’s the reason Kaito has been so harsh on Ryoma and only Ryoma. Because Kaito looked up to him, like a hero. Because he was expecting Ryoma to be strong and cool and awesome and when he saw that he wasn’t, it really got to him.

Kaito:  “That pissed me off so much, I ended up being too hard on him. But regretting that now won’t help. There’s nothing I can do…”

And so, Kaito was too busy being hung up on that that he didn’t reach out to support Ryoma with his weaknesses like he absolutely would have done if it had been anyone else. If Kaito had done that, maybe Ryoma would have found a reason to live simply from their friendship and wouldn’t have sacrificed himself for Kirumi. Kaito’s trying not to wallow in regret because that’s not what he likes to do, but he’s saying this because he does regret not helping and knows he could have made a difference if only he hadn’t been so angry at him.

If you think about it, tennis really isn’t the obvious choice for Kaito’s favourite sport – you’d think he’d be more into a team sport that involves communication and working together. You know the reason I believe the writers had it be the case that Kaito was into tennis? So that Ryoma could die when he was supposed to. The whole point of Ryoma’s character was to tell the story of someone who willingly became a victim for a greater cause because he’d lost everything and had no reason to live. But that story is being told as part of a story which also contains the Luminary of the Stars, someone who instinctively tries to support anyone who’s weak and suffering and help them get stronger, and is really, really good at it. Just from that alone, Kaito would have helped Ryoma find a new reason to live and Ryoma wouldn’t have died the way the writers wanted him to. So there needed to be a reason why Kaito, despite his nature, wouldn’t help out Ryoma in particular, and to do that they had to give Kaito this history of having looked up to Ryoma, making him disillusioned and harsh on him when they meet.

In short: Kaito was too powerful and the writers had to nerf him to make this chapter work.

When I say “writers” here, I don’t think it’s particularly likely to include the in-universe writers. It’s possible, since clearly the no-reason-to-live thing was exactly what they were going for with Ryoma, motive video and all, and they also clearly intended Kaito to be someone who encourages and supports others. But I don’t know if the in-universe writers could necessarily have predicted the way that Kaito having looked up to him in the past would make him react to Ryoma’s weakness. After all, for most people, you’d expect having admired someone to be even more reason to want to help them, not less. The out-universe writers have the benefit of always being in Kaito’s head and therefore being able to know exactly how he would react to any situation. They can retroactively add things to his character on the fly to change his reaction and make the situation turn out how they want it to. But the in-universe writers just wrote everything about Kaito’s character into a Flashback Light at the beginning, and after that point they had no more control because he became a real person and not just their character any more. So it’d be much harder for them to predict exactly how he’d respond to things, and if it wasn’t the response they wanted, there’s a lot less they could do to change it.

(The alternative explanation from an in-universe writing perspective is simply that the writers had Kaito know about Ryoma because they thought it’d seem more realistic if a few of the Ultimates knew of each other, such as how Shuichi had heard of Kirumi too.)

Next, since we’re on the third floor, we’re heading to Maki’s lab to question her and Kirumi. Shuichi didn’t include this in his list of places he wanted to investigate other than the gym, so I’ve seen a lot of first-time players miss it and awkwardly wander around not knowing where to go. He really should have mentioned it.

Kaito:  “Hey, once we’re done with the trial, can I get a massage?”

Kirumi:  “But of course…”

I like how Kirumi casually agrees to this request despite knowing it’s impossible because by the end of the trial either one or the other of them will be dead.

Kaito:  “I didn’t see him at all yesterday, actually.”

Kaito did see Ryoma, actually, in the morning at the casino. But that was an optional scene that some players might not have got, so, yeah.

It’s interesting for Kirumi to be having this conversation about who was the last to see Ryoma alive… right in front of Maki, who was the actual last person to see him alive other than Kirumi herself, but she’s still not going to admit to it because she’s afraid of being suspected. Quite understandably, since she met with him alone in the middle of the night when she could easily have killed him and not been seen doing it.

Kokichi is also lying about the last time he saw Ryoma, mind you, since Ryoma came to him to ask who had his motive video, which had to have been after Kokichi had seen the videos and therefore after 11pm. So Kokichi is also keeping important information from everyone just because he thinks it’ll be ~hilarious~ to try and turn Kaito and Maki against each other and wouldn’t be able to do that if we knew the murder happened at nighttime. What a wonderfully helpful person.

Kaito:  “Hahaha! That’s pretty harsh! But my sidekick is working his ass off!”

Maki:  “…Sidekick?”

Kaito:  “Yup! Shuichi’s my sidekick now!”

Maki:  “Shouldn’t it be… the other way around? The dumb one should be the sidekick.”

Hee, I still love Maki’s jabs at Kaito. And Kaito being such a goof that he’s excitedly telling everyone about Shuichi being his sidekick now. Mind you, I think it might be significant that he’s choosing to tell this to Maki in particular, since he probably already has plans to try and make her into his next sidekick.

Kaito:  “Th-The dumb one? I’m more of a scientist type of guy… so this stuff really isn’t my thing.”

Maki:  “…Wouldn’t being a scientist be helpful for an investigation?”

Kaito:  “More importantly…”

I like how both Shuichi and Maki pointed out that being a scientist should be useful in investigations (thus proving that Kaito probably wouldn’t actually make a very good research scientist). And how Kaito conspicuously changes the topic.

Shuichi:  “You’ve been in here ever since this room opened up. Almost as if… you’re keeping watch. Making sure no one else enters.”

Maki:  “… Is this… an interrogation?”

Gah, Maki, assuming that he’s interrogating her because she has so much to hide and she’s terrified of anyone managing to get it out of her, even though all Shuichi wants right now is to know anything she knows about the case. (That said, his detective’s instincts are still honing in on the question of why she’s guarding this place even though it’s irrelevant to the current case, so she isn’t wrong to be wary.)

Shuichi:  “But you should at least cooperate with our investigation… Because all our lives are on the line.”

Maki:  “Even if I did cooperate, I wouldn’t be any help.”

Except for the part where she can tell them that Ryoma was alive at nighttime. That would be helpful. But she’s too afraid of being suspected, because she’s so used to the idea that everyone should suspect her that it doesn’t even occur to her that they wouldn’t.

Maki:  “Gonta did stop by, but I managed to chase him off somehow. All I did was tell him… ‘If you lay a hand on me, you’ll choke to death on your own tongue.’ That’s all.”

Kaito:  “So Gonta got scared off by that? Well, I guess he would hold back against a girl.”

This reads like another instance of Kaito being grazed by a Misogyny Bullet, like he’s supposedly brushing off how intimidating Maki is by going “lol but she’s only a girl, right?”. But I actually don’t think that’s it in this case. Kaito genuinely does not find Maki intimidating – even when he learns that she’s an assassin, he’s not the slightest bit afraid of her, because he trusts his instincts that she’s a good person. Therefore, it doesn’t occur to Kaito that her threat might scare someone, so he figures Gonta wouldn’t have been that scared either, and therefore assumes that Gonta took her gender into account, because after all Gonta has his gentleman thing and gentlemen must be considerate towards ladies.

Maki:  “Are we done here? You’re wasting your time talking to me. I don’t know anything.”

Kaito:  “Okay, I’m done here.”

Shuichi:  “Huh? You are?”

Kaito:  “Well, her alibi is a little shaky, but I don’t think she killed Ryoma. That’s what my instincts are telling me.”

Maki:  “…”

Look at Kaito believing in Maki, because his instincts are telling him she’s a good person and they’re right! And I love Maki’s silent glance away, like she’s wondering how the hell he can think that about her without any proof.

I also wouldn’t be surprised if Kaito could sense that Maki has more she’s not telling them – the way she ended the conversation really does sound like she’s trying to because she doesn’t want to have to say any more. Even if he did, though, Kaito wouldn’t ask her to tell them whatever she’s hiding, because he trusts that whatever it is isn’t anything malicious and that forcing it out of her won’t help things.

Kaito:  “But if you remember anything, be sure to tell Shuichi, okay? He’s my sidekick, y’know? He’s pretty good.”

Maki:  “…”

Maki’s silence this time looks like she’s sighing, probably in exasperation at Kaito’s… Kaito-ness. And I like how Kaito is asking her to tell Shuichi, not himself, if she remembers anything. More signs that this really isn’t about Kaito and Kaito’s just acting this way to give Shuichi as much help as he can to solve this case.

Finally, off to Ryoma’s dorm room. But while we’re in the dorms, before heading into his room, I examined Kaede’s door.

Shuichi:  (… Kaede… Your wish… the promise that we would make it out of here together…) [starting to cry] (I promised you… but…)

Kaito: [looking away and wincing]  “Shuichi, let’s think later. First we gotta deal with Ryoma’s case.”

Shuichi: [smiling slightly] “Ah, right…”

(Descriptions of their expressions included because they’re important and most people probably haven’t seen this exchange.)

I love this little moment. It really shows how much good Kaito is doing for Shuichi here, even though he’s been basically no help in terms of actual investigative work. Kaito obviously notices Shuichi staring sadly at Kaede’s door and starting to cry, and even though Kaito’s also in a lot of pain over the fact that they couldn’t keep their promise of not letting another murder happen, he’s able to help Shuichi stay focused on what needs to be done. And Shuichi’s small smile shows that he really does appreciate that Kaito’s here and understands what he’s going through and is giving him the nudge he needs. It would be hell for Shuichi to have to force himself through this investigation while feeling like this if he were alone. Friends are especially important in a situation like this, and Kaito is such a good friend.

Shuichi:  “You see, if we suppose the motive for the crime was the video… There’s a high possibility that Ryoma had the culprit’s motive video.”

This is a bit of a stretch, I think. He’s assuming something along the lines of what I’d been saying earlier – that the culprit committed murder simply to get their hands on their video. If the culprit committed the murder because they saw their video and were driven to murder because of it, there’d be no reason to specifically murder the person who had their video rather than anyone else. Unless there was something extra-incriminating in their video such as “this person is secretly an assassin”. But, you know, too bad Maki’s not the murderer and Kokichi is just causing Shuichi to jump to false conclusions because he stole the video for the sake of making things ~fun~.

…If Kokichi hadn’t stolen the video, then Kaito and Shuichi would have ended up watching Maki’s motive video right here. Huh. That would have been interesting.

I wonder if that’s actually the real reason that Kokichi stole the video: because he wanted to keep a monopoly on the knowledge of Maki’s talent, so he could reveal it whenever he chose. He brings out the video in the trial to talk about it being Maki’s, but he never actually plays it to prove that it’s hers, so he could still have talked about whose video it was without needing to physically have it with him.

Kaito:  “Alright! That’s just what I’d expect from my top sidekick!”

He’s your only sidekick right now, Kaito, of course he’s the top one. Also I really can’t see Kaito picking favourites among his sidekicks when he does have multiple of them.

Shuichi briefly flashes back to Kaito’s motive video and looks worried. I’m not sure why this worries him – he’s just decided that the culprit is likely to be the owner of the video Ryoma had, which would make Kaito less suspicious.

Kaito mentions that he’s been thinking maybe they should have watched the motive videos after all.

Kaito:  “They showed the most important people to us, right? So… maybe we should’ve watched them… Without looking away from the truth… At the time, I agreed with Keebo, but after thinking about it… I changed my mind. And… if we were worried about watching them alone, we coulda just watched them together.”

Shuichi:  “Watch them together?”

Kaito:  “Yeah… we shoulda gathered together and watched all the videos. Share everybody’s motives. Even if it’s something you can’t bear by yourself, it’d be possible with everyone. That’s what cooperation is, right?”

It’s a really interesting outlook he has on this. He knows that the videos show something awful and terrifying – your loved ones in horrible danger – but he thinks it’d be better to face up to that truth rather than running away from it while knowing that your motive video still exists and so your loved ones probably still are in some kind of danger that you just don’t know about.

And most importantly, he believes that if everyone watched them together, with the spirit of co-operation in their minds, then things would be okay. Someone seeing their motive alone would potentially become desperate to kill out of fear for their loved ones, but if everyone watched them all together and saw that everyone else also had loved ones that were just as important to them, they’d be less likely to do something selfish. The point of the videos is to drive people to murder by making them scared and desperate, but if everyone understands what everyone else is going through and they all support each other through that fear, then a murder should be less likely than if everyone tries to deal with their fears alone. That’s such a wonderfully Kaito outlook to have.

It’s also interesting that Kaito never tried to suggest this to everyone else earlier. He says that he agreed with Keebo at the time, but the thing is, Kaito didn’t say all that much during that initial conversation they had about what to do with the videos. I think it’s more that at the time, Kaito just wasn’t sure about the right thing to do, and so he didn’t object to Keebo’s decision despite not necessarily strongly agreeing with it either – being Kaito, of course he wouldn’t advocate something unless he was sure of himself. By the time he had made up his mind about this, it was probably too late to really bring it up in a way that was likely to persuade anyone, since they’d been decided on the opposite approach for a while and trying to rock the boat would only end up making him sound like Kokichi, which wouldn’t help at all in getting them on board with an idea rooted in co-operation and trust.

If Kaito had happened to make up his mind about this sooner, soon enough to bring it up during the initial conversation everyone had about the videos, then he almost certainly would have done – and if he’d brought it up in that context, maybe he’d have been able to get enough people to agree with him. This chapter would have gone very interestingly differently if they’d gone with his approach.

Shuichi:  “That’s… what Kokichi was trying to do.”

Kaito:  “Huh?”

Shuichi:  “Kokichi was trying to get us to participate in a motive video viewing party of sorts. That’s why he forced us into the same room. Do you think that was his way of ‘cooperating’? Do you think the same way?”

See, Kokichi was trying to get everyone to watch all the videos, but there was absolutely no spirit of co-operation involved in his way of going about it. He literally described the scenario in which everyone shows each other their videos as “not co-operating” a few days ago. All Kokichi wanted to do was make sure everyone saw their videos and let them all stew in their own fear and desperation alone, and then he could be sure that everyone and anyone could be out to get him and wouldn’t have to fear being “betrayed”, and Monokuma would get the murder he wanted and not cause them even more problems than they already had.

Kaito:  “N-No… if that’s what he wanted, he coulda just asked us.”

Exactly. If Kokichi actually thought of what he was doing as “co-operation”, then there would have been no need for him to go about it in such a coercive way. He could have just made the same argument Kaito made just now, if he really felt that way, and it might have convinced people.

Kaito:  “That’s what a normal person woulda done, but the thing is, he’s *not* normal. Maybe he did want us to cooperate, but there’s no way to know for sure. He’d never tell us.”

If Kokichi actually does want everyone to co-operate, then he is the most terrible person at actually getting that to happen. Trying to get people to co-operate by being as much of an unco-operative asshole as possible doesn’t seem very likely to work. He should be smart enough to know that.

Hm, you know, this discussion about Kaito and Kokichi’s opinions on sharing the motive videos serves as another example of both of them wanting to do the same literal thing but for completely contrasting reasons, which is also what happens in case 5.

Kaito:  “Looks like it’s time, bro.”

Shuichi:  “Y-Yeah… …”

Kaito:  “Hey, why do you look so worried now!? Don’t worry! You can do it. I believe in you.”

Shuichi:  (Believe in me…?) “Why? Why do you trust me, Kaito? There’s a chance that I’m the cul—”

This is a good time to point out something notable about the idea of “believing in” someone, namely that there’s kind of two versions of it. First there’s simply trusting that someone is a decent person and didn’t or won’t murder anyone. Then, once you already believe that about a person, there’s a further level of belief in their potential to be able to do amazing things. Kaito is affirming the latter kind of belief in Shuichi, because to him the idea that Shuichi wouldn’t kill anyone is already so obvious that it doesn’t even need saying.

But Shuichi seemed to mostly get hung up on the idea of the former kind of belief, to the point of asking Kaito about it. It’s probably because he’s just spent the whole investigation in Ultimate Detective mode where he has to suspect everyone and everything – especially after what happened last time with Kaede. I also wonder if he’s asking this because he’s still a little afraid to trust Kaito even though he wants to, and wants to know how trusting people can come so easily to Kaito.

Kaito:  “I believe in you because I want to. Do I need a reason other than that?”

Shuichi:  “…What?”

Kaito:  “Isn’t that why you believed in Kaede? I mean, sure, I might get betrayed in the end, but… If I worry about that, I won’t be able to believe in the people I wanna believe in!”

Kaito’s philosophy about believing in people is so good! He is not being stupid to believe in people the way he does. He’s fully aware of the possibility that his judgement might be wrong and he might get betrayed – but his desire to believe in them and the joy that’ll come from being able to do so wholeheartedly without letting himself worry about betrayal is worth that risk in his mind. By believing in people just because he wants to without any concrete proof, Kaito is simply being brave, and maybe a little reckless. And isn’t that just exactly how Kaito always is?

(This conversation about believing in people takes place in whichever location you happen to finish investigating in. But when it’s flashed back to during the trial, the background is always Ryoma’s room. So apparently that’s the canon place they have this conversation, which is why I saved this room for last. It would be nice to imagine they had this conversation within earshot of Maki, but apparently that’s not how it actually went.)

Kaito:  “Shuichi, we’re still young… I can’t die before I’ve had my first drink or gone to space!”

KAITO CAN’T DIE BEFORE HE’S GONE TO SPACE, YOU GUYS. I’m sure you know how Very Important this is. He will be mentioning something to this effect multiple times because it is so very important.

Kaito:  “If you’re not going to get yourself in gear now, then when!? Now’s all you’ve got!”

Some fuel for the “Kaito’s parents died” train, I think, with the sense that he knows life is short and you’ve got to make the most of every moment while you still have it, because there might not be a later.

Shuichi:  “… Yeah, Kaito. I know.”

Kaito:  “Yeah, that’s the expression I wanted to see. Heh, that’s my sidekick.”

Kaito is so proud of his sidekick for managing to push past his negativity and stay positive and it’s adorable.

Shuichi:  (I have to believe in myself. I have to *believe* that I can do this.)

And believe in the Kaito who believes in you!

…okay, look, I’m probably going to feel compelled to make that reference a few times, shush. It could not be more appropriate.

Tsumugi: “But I don’t even know where to start unraveling the truth… Aah… I should’ve played more point-and-click adventure games…”

Nah, Tsumugi, I’m pretty sure you’ve already played more than enough of those.

Tenko:  “I hear males pick on girls they like to get their attention! Which means Kokichi must like Himiko!”

Kokichi:  “Huh!? How’d you know!?”

While this part about Kokichi liking Himiko is almost certainly a lie, it’s interesting to see it come up here… when it also comes up in trial 5 from “Exisal Kokichi”. Either Kokichi was attached enough to this stupid little lie that he put it in his script, or Kaito was paying attention to this here and somehow decided that jokingly hitting on Himiko would be a way to make himself seem more convincingly like Kokichi.

Maki:  “…Sorry, but I don’t know anything. If you think a child caregiver can help solve a murder case… then we’re all in trouble.”

Maki’s making the same weak argument she was earlier. She’s just really hoping no-one is going to prod her too hard for information and force her to reveal that she met Ryoma at nighttime, because she’s convinced they’ll all think she did it if they knew that.

Kiyo:  “To kill because you have a reason to live… To die because you have no reason to live… Which, I wonder, is correct?”

Is there any reason they can’t both be? Or they can’t both be wrong? Also, the killer didn’t kill just because they wanted to live, but because they wanted to escape. Killing simply in order to survive is a foolish strategy in this killing game, unless you happen to have a life-threatening illness; I’ve been over this.

Kaito:  “You’re thinking too hard about it… Living things just gotta live. Anyway, no matter what happens to us, we gotta live!”

I appreciate Kaito butting into Kiyo’s weird amoral philosophising with his straightforwardness.

Kokichi:  “Yeah… you don’t really need a reason to live. That’s just the icing on the cake.”

This implies that Kokichi maybe doesn’t have a particularly strong reason to live and is just kind of along for the ride in life. He still does want to live, but if his determination to survive isn’t as strong as others’ might be then this goes some way towards explaining why he ends up willing to throw his life away just to “win”.

Kaito:  “Shuichi… before we head over there, let me give you some advice, hero-to-sidekick.”

Kaito considers himself the “hero” to Shuichi’s “sidekick”. I think this is the first time he’s mentioned this, and it’s a very important thing to keep in mind. Especially considering what we just learned about how he thought of Ryoma.

Kaito:  “If you want to give up, wait until after you’ve done everything you possibly can! Wait, no. That’s still no good… Okay! I won’t forgive you if you give up! You got it?”

Shuichi:  “Yeah… got it, Kaito.” (He’s right… I can’t give up. I made a promise to Kaede.)

Of course that would be Kaito’s advice, heh. And Shuichi is on board with it, since he’s so determined not to let Kaede down!

There’s a conspicuous gap next to Shuichi in the elevator where Kaede stood before. I know the elevator scenes always just keep everyone in the same positions, but I’d have really liked it if Kaito had moved into that spot instead, as the one now giving Shuichi emotional support. It doesn’t seem right that he’d just keep standing in front of Shuichi not even looking at him now that they’re “hero and sidekick”.

Kokichi:  “You put a lot of elaborate detail into this courtroom. Almost like it’s for show.”

So in other words, Kokichi has deduced that this is being watched. And is he going to help us figure out what’s going on and escape by telling anyone else this fact? No, of course not.

Kirumi:  “Is this just for show? Are you showing this to the people outside and—”

Kirumi seems a little worried that her most important people might be about to find out that she became a killer for them. Not that that would stop her from doing everything in her power to save them. I guess she’s also reacting to this because if it’s true then it proves that everyone is currently still alive and she’s not too late to save them.

Monokuma:  “Puhuhu. Those people aren’t with us, so you don’t need to worry about them. Get it? They’re not with us. As in, they’re no longer with us, y’know what I mean? In other words, you 13 are the only ones left in the world.”

At first this kind of reads like Monokuma’s just saying the people outside aren’t relevant because they’re on the other side of the fourth wall so they don’t matter to this fiction… but then he implies they’re all dead, meaning he is actually playing along with the backstory after all. (And Kirumi is probably desperately hoping he’s lying about this, otherwise whoops.)

---

[Next post]

[fontasticcrablettes]

all the vespy salt.

hell yeah

What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get? - I’m not sure about this because I’ve always been able to ‘get’ just about any ship even if I don’t like it.  Even if I think it’s gross - like Rita/Raven - I still understand why other people ship it.  I think it’s part of being a writer; understanding the thought processes of other people is 

Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP? - oh yeah like all the popular ones lol.  Fluri is my favourite broTP, I love that friendship, I enjoy it so much as non-romantic.  Yustelle and Ristelle are also good friendships that I love but I’m not interested in seeing as romance.

Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion? - Yeees, but it wasn’t so much for the opinion as it was that the opinion was rooted in homophobia. (It was “this character can’t be gay because it would be improper for them and they wouldn’t choose that”)

Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP? - I mean, there’s the obvious ones of like... anything involved Repede, the adults and the kids.  Beyond that, anything involving Karol is a notp for me.  I’m sorry felinis that includes Karol/Nan, I just... I can’t stand that one.  

Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you? - Hmm nope not that I can think of. 

Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated? - I don’t think so. 

Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now? - I don’t know if I’d go so far as ‘can’t stand’ but there’s a pretty wide gap in how I used to feel about Ristelle and how I feel now.  Like, I used to be all about it but now I just.... nothing.  It does nothing for me.  

Have you received anon hate? What about? - Not for Vesperia based things!  The only time I did was a Zesty situation because I don’t like the popular ship.

Most disliked character(s)? Why? - You know I actually really like the Vesperia cast.  There isn’t really anyone I dislike.  Maybe Ragou?  Because he’s kind of bland as a villain.  Like, Cumore and Zagi are equally one-dimensional but at least they’re fun about it.  In the main party, it’s probably Karol, but I don’t exactly dislike him.  I’m just rather neutral about him so he loses by default.  Although I supposed I should mention that OG Vesperia is the only Vesperia for me, and in PS3 version the most disliked would be Patty because I find her presence inconsequential and out of place.  

Most disliked arc? Why? -  Does the Labyrinth of Memories count as an arc? Because I hate it.  It’s just recycles maps and recycled bosses with a horrible drop rate for fake gald that makes beating the dungeon a slog.  It would be fun if at the very least, there was commentary from the characters about who they’re fighting again - like Estelle startled to face herself, or something - but there’s nothing like that to make it interesting.

Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why? - I think I like Alexei a lot more than the general fandom likes Alexei.  I love his backstory, I love how he works as a dark foil to both Flynn and Yuri and shows why they need each other to keep each other in check, and I love his over-the-top drama and DC Douglas’ fantastic delivery.  He’s just a good fun villain who’s satisfying to take down and fun to watch.  

Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why? - I think I like the third act a lot more than most people do.  I still think it’s the weakest one, but I actually like the Adephagos as a final act save the world situation.  I see the message in act 3 as being about figuring out who has the right to make decisions that alter the face of the world, which neatly aligns with the themes the game builds up to, rather than being purely a climate change moral out of nowhere that it frequently gets written off as.  

Unpopular opinion about XXX character? - I guess I’ll just pick a character so um....  Karol’s a little shithead toward Nan in the beginning and it pisses me off.  She tells him no, she’s not interested every time they meet and he still!  Won’t stop pining!  Leave the girl alone! Respect her ‘no’!  Yuri needs to give him a big jug of Respecting Women Juice.  

Unpopular opinion about your fandom? - I don’t know if I have any...?  I’m a little stumped.

Unpopular opinion about the manga/show? - I like the 360 version better.

If you could change anything in the show, what would you change? - Oof, only one thing?  I have a huge list....  But let’s make Alexei the final villain, he lives until the end of act 3.  that’s really important to me.  

Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen….  Instead of Raven showing up on the Heracles, I would have had him remain “dead” until at least you run into the Schwann brigade in Zaphias castle.  There’d be a big “hey, who’s the knight who stayed behind to protect the lower quarter?  Surprise! It’s Raven!”.  

Does not shipping something ‘popular’ mean you’re in denial and/or biased? [looks at my list of OTPs] I sure as fuck hope not lmao.  

What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom? - There’s not much diversity.  Every time I check AO3 or twitter or the tag, it’s the same two ships every time.  I like to see content for other ships, too, even things I’m not especially into, just for some variety.  

What is the purest ship in the fandom? - Flynn/Estelle is good and pure and they love each other.  

What are your thoughts on crack ships? - They’re fun!  I feel like people use the term crack ship too broadly though.  In my opinion, a crack ship is a ship that could not possible work, not just anything that could not possibly be canon.  If you can make serious, in-character content for the ship, it’s not crack, it’s just a rarepair.  Crack ships are things like... Tokunaga x Cumore.  Kaufman x The Fiertia.  

Popular character you hate? Patty

Unpopular character you love? Most of the characters I love are already popular so Alexei

Would you recommend XXX to a friend? Why or why not? - Oh yeah!  I mean it depends on what the friend likes, but if they’re into JRPGs or I think they’d enjoy this story then sure.  

How would you end XXX/Would you change the ending of XXX? - Oh lol yeah.  I’ve written extensively about how I would change the ending so I won’t repeat myself here but basically just, push Yuri and Flynn farther, make their fight more intense, Alexei is the villain, etc.  

Most shippable character? - Hmmm either Estelle or Yuri.  I ship both of them with a large list of people, although not with each other (unless Flynn is there too)

Least shippable character? - Karo.  He’s babby.  Oh, or Repede, for... obvious reasons.