#should I turn this into something?
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Writing sprint
“Hey, can I ask a weird question?” she asked, I nodded for her to continue. “Did you ever have a crush on me? Ya know, back in highschool?”
I looked down at my hands, picking at the last bits of nail polish and chewing the inside of my cheek. I wonder if I had been obvious about it, or if she was only realizing in hindsight. Or maybe she was just curious. I had always been out and proud since before we met. And she only just came out to me. Makes sense she might ask a question like this.
I took in a deep breath and held it in for a moment before responding with a small, sheepish smile. “Yeah… I did.”
At first I had just thought she was the coolest person I’d ever met. I traded in my leggings and skirts for jeans after a few months of knowing her. When she wore a bandana in her hair, so did I. Sometimes we would match colors by accident. Those days made me smile brighter.
I watched every show she mentioned, and listened to every song she quoted. Just to understand her better. So I could relate, and talk about whatever she wanted to talk about.
She cared about me in a way no one ever had before, and it touched me in ways I’d never understood until meeting her. And I fell for her. Hard and fast. She was my everything. I couldn’t go a day without talking about her, to her, thinking about her.
Her arsenal of bracelets and rings made me look into jewelry. And I bought her a necklace. One day I asked her what piece of her jewelry she loved most, and I prayed she would say the yin that hung around her neck, that matched the yang hanging from mine. And when she did I had to hide my smile.
I told her secrets I’d never shared before. She didn’t judge me on my low days, instead she lifted me up. And I did the same for her. We made sure we had at least half of the same classes each year of highschool. And her mother never asked if I was coming over anymore because she knew the answer was yes.
I was so in love with her.
But she was straight. So I dated other girls, tried to pretend I wasn’t. But I only got hurt in the process.
Maybe I hid behind those relationships, for fear of her realizing I loved her. Had it not worked? Had she seen through it all? The only problem was even though she wasn’t straight anymore, I still couldn’t have her.
“When did you stop?” she asked with a smug smile. “Having a crush on me, I mean.” she knew she was beautiful. She was the most confident girl I’d ever met. And I’m so lucky it rubbed off on me in our highschool years.
When I got too low and it started to drag her down, I thought I had lost her as a friend. But I didn’t stop loving her then. When we got into a huge fight junior year, and didn’t talk for a month. I thought it was all over. But my heart still ached for her then. When I tried a little to hard to get her to be around me and she was annoyed, I feared I had scared her away. But we stayed best friends.
When she called her other good friend a ‘best friend’ it sent a dagger through my heart. But I know more than most people that you can have more than one best friend. But sometimes I stayed awake at night, wondering if she thought of me as a best friend, or if it was only one sided like my love. I simply couldn’t stand the thought.
I wrote essays on how much she meant to me, letters she would never read. Epic poems of how deep my love ran through my veins, all of it for her, but she would never know. Because what if it was too much. What if that was what made her turn her back on me?
What if offering to turn out friendship into a relationship was the straw that broke the camel's back. Something we could never come back from.
I couldn’t take that chance.
I opened our texts and typed it out hundreds of times, only to abuse the backspace key into wanting a divorce with me. When I ever did say something sweet to her, she would always laugh it off and brush it aside. So instead of letting each other know we valued the other, we called each other names with big smiles.
I still tell her basically everything. But I have a feeling it’s not the same for her. And I wonder when the rift between us came to be. Are we more fragile now? Were we stronger before?
I’m scared of what my words can do, and how I can never take them back. But i’ve waited long enough. I’ve waisted so much time already. I’ll never move on if I don't know how she feels about me in return.
When did I stop liking her?
I chuckled softly and bit my lip. Then slowly lift my eyes to meet hers.
“I never did.”
#writerblock#writing sprints#my writing#creative writing#writing#writer#writing prompts#send help#author#authors#little one shot#is it any good?#should I turn this into something?#based on true events kind of not really#I wish i had the guts to tell her#i'm so fucking in love with her#how do you tell someone you are in love with them?
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gouache falin
#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#falin touden#chimera falin#traditional art#illustration#gouache#i haven’t touched my paints in so long! i made this a challenge for myself to work with all these reds and get something cool out of it#ignore how messy my edges turned out - my tape roll is like 7 years old and barely sticks anymore#unsure if i should tag for nudity to be safe but also i’ve seen her shirtless more times on my tl this week then anything else ever so.
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corvidae
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#blood/#yuuji#im not tagging this as spoilers idc sue me . iykyk but i dont think it's obvious enough at all 2 warrant the tag#idrk what this is sorry ive been having a hard time drawing n feeling inspired lately :'>>> so it goes#i find i tend to default to drawing birds when that happens ???#did it with gojo did it with shiro and now it's yuuji's turn ig#sometimes it's helpful to just . mess around with a whole bunch of brushes until something looks ok#and birds and feathers lean soooo well 2 playing around w brushes theyre very forgiving#flowers also kind of so i threw in some camellias bc i figured why not add More Red#i think they mean something that's probably relevant but i was more looking fr the shape of the petals#th rounded tops blend rly seamlessly with the way i rendered th feathers so i am like!!!! nice#just checked also apparently red camellias just mean love and devotion lmao should have guessed#'perishing with grace' also hm hm hm that's kind of wild with th crows#anyway i didn't put too much thought in2 this one so i won't talk fr ages about the symbolism it's all pretty much right there#anyway ty fr being patient with me im sorry draws have been slow :<#ill come out of it ill bounce back!
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mildly obsessed with ryo devilman
#devilman#devilman crybaby#dmcb#ryo asuka#my art#this was supposed to be a proper illustration with akira in it but then i thought of a better compositio#so i just turned this one into a wonky sketch n messed with the colours a bit#not sure if i should be adding a community label for this or something..#nudity cw
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the more I play the more I think lucanis basically knows it's illario who betrayed him right from the beginning (he's had a year in the ossuary to think. not that many people knew where he was going. when you ask him 'did Illario know you'd be on that ship' his only answer is the hardest flattest 'yes' you ever heard). so it's not so much about figuring out who the traitor is (because that's ludicrous. we all know. immediately. they didn't really bother to hide it lmao) as about methodically closing off every single avenue of denial lucanis has clung to that whole time with as much or little gentleness as you might prefer until he has no choice but to admit it. because the moment he has to admit it, he'll have to do something -- feel something -- about it. and that's such a catastrophic event in lucanis' inner landscape (he has had TWO people in this whole entire world up until now and will do anything to hold on to them with a heartbreaking child-like desperation, even at and especially through the detriment of his own self) that he'd rather just. not. what if we quite simply. didn't. what if we just stayed here in the emptiness where we can both pretend you didn't hurt me in a way I should never forgive. I have so much practice in that with caterina already it's always worked out great for everyone so far. (press x to fucking doubt but that's trauma logic for you lol)
after everything illario did, so much of the storm of lucanis' emotions around it is 'what the FUCK did you get yourself tangled up in this time and how do I get you out of this mess safely'. what's worse: the fact that your brother murdered you, or that he put himself in horrible danger doing so and thus exposed you to the risk of losing him forever. lucanis' heart certainly has an opinion here and it's fucking unhinged (affectionate)
the themes of dissociation in lucanis' character in general makes me feel nuts. allllll these contradictory messy things he needs to cut off from each other because they can't coexist or be easily reconciled inside him. but all remain stubbornly true separately anyway and will have their due one day. love and resentment. tenderness and fear and rage. terror and longing. love and freedom don't coexist. the burned out golden child anthem is playing in the background. he was always caterina's favourite and he has to keep striving to deserve that dubious honour with every breath he takes and then, presumably, mercifully, some day he will die and be excused and can rest. and until now he's suppressed all the -- natural, healthy, protective! -- negative feelings that threaten the few attachment relationships he actually has, at the cost of ever actually having his needs for connection and safety met and leaving his core self imprisoned and compromised. and spite goes 'what. no. that's dumb fuck that' (*spite voice* I do not understand that and even if I did I would not respect it) and does not allow him to fall back into that, which I think is what saves his life, ultimately. it took being possessed by a demon for lucanis to even contemplate telling anyone he loves 'no' in any way, but hey. whatever gets you there right lol
lucanis is dealing with the freeze response allll the way down baby. and he was even before the ossuary, that just turbo powered it and brought it to a breaking point way before it could happen naturally. but something was going to break eventually no matter what, and I'm just glad that in the end, through the power of friendship and also pure spite, it doesn't have to be him
#I am worried about him all the time. but also: his found family of godslaying maniacs and also the power of love. there are reasons to hope#when there was only one set of footprints in the sand that was the veilguard party holding lucanis in their arms#and going 'excuse you he said no FUCKING pickles!!!' while he's like '🥺should you guys really be -- ' 'YES'#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age meta#there's some messiness to his arc but what mary kirby managed to capture here about how this works. is everything to me#he is so exactly for me. I'm sorry for all the people he turned out not to be for. but not for him being for me#the gift of looking at him and hearing 'you're more than what you're going through' and be forced to annoyedly go 'okay#MAYBE that could be also be true for me. maybe.' he's going through it. and also so much more and the funniest person in the world#he's so worth it to still have in the world!!!!#I'm so glad we don't get to 'fix' his relationship with his family and especially caterina actually#that is stuff that would need to happen on a time scale waaay outside of the one in this game#and there's Something very real in having to go 'this is not for me to decide for you. who you love and what you do about it is yours'
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I drew the boys as scrumply as I could. Some could stand to be worse
#this was fun#might turn them into emotes or something#twst#is my art#my magnum opus#twisted wonderland#uuuuuurrrrrrff#suppose I should tag everyone#there's so many characters though#riddle rosehearts#trey clover#cater diamond#deuce spade#ace trappola#leona kingscholar#ruggie bucchi#jack howl#azul ashengrotto#jade leech#floyd leech#kalim al asim#jamil viper#vil schoenheit#epel felmier#rook hunt#idia shroud#ortho shroud#malleus draconia#lilia vanrouge#sebek zigvolt
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illario as the grandchild that is most like caterina is something i'm loving to chew on. the grandson that took her lessons to heart the most. kill anyone who sees your face and knows your name, "we are not revolutionaries", the first out of the two to prioritise the contract. power at any cost, and the only one to lean into the unnecessary abuse that their grandmother told them was tradition. why is anyone surprised he allied with the venatori? and then there's illario's considerable skill in infiltration and manipulating any mark, he has always had the charisma that lucanis lacked. illario isn't attached, he has/can/will use someone and immediately drop them; "that does free me from promises i don't intend to keep". he can lie about how much he cares so well that he fools a magister into believing he loves her. he kills zara without hesitation to cover his own tracks, meanwhile lucanis blindly promises a young girl in the middle of a siege that he will help her find her father. even the lessons about family stick with him, and in this entire messy power struggle, he never actually orders anyone to directly kill caterina or lucanis, not until he's backed into a corner.
and even after all that. despite even lucanis believing illario should be first talon, lucanis is still the better killer. illario is not strong enough to be the brutal assassin caterina needs him to be. so when lucanis seems to fill the role his mother left, grief and love for her dead heir apparent remains, and any of the other qualities caterina needs in her next talon doesn't matter. whatever his mother was, lucanis has to be. what illario does doesn't matter, because he will always be second best to caterina's memory of her favored daughter.
#<- guy who's only seen succession: this is just like shiv and logan#last point is kind of meta and hcish. idk how much caterina cared about her children and lucanis' mother. grain of salt everyone#but it would make sense to me. woman projecting her grief so hard it fucks up the next generation#at the end of the day realistically the best person to lead this criminal organisation is the sweet talker with no morals#who can rally their assassins and negotiate his way out of anything#not lucanis 'this crow has a heart' dellamorte. who i think would also be a fairer leader but#well. his leadership style would take a decidedly different turn. is that something he can afford as first talon??? like you know.#THE ASSASSIN GUILD? WITH THE VERY BLEAK HISTORY? 'WE'RE NOT HEROES ANYWHERE COUSIN' ?????#LED BY LUCANIS 'would rather endanger the mission than kill innocents' DELLAMORTE !!!!?#i would be less weird about it if the game acknowledged he's a 'kind' crow more explicitly and like#how this would change the crows. but realistically. and biasedly. i think illario makes a better (more morally grey too) talon#and also zevran should be here#anyways. im normal.#illario dellamorte#caterina dellamorte#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age#veilguard spoilers#dav spoilers#dav#edit: NOTE I AM SAYING ILLARIO MAKES. A BETTER TALON AND NOT A GOOD ONE#his number one dickriding glazer but i would not go that far. sorry babe.
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give me some whiskey and ill draw The Most Thing i can come up with
bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#erik magnus lehnsherr#max eisenhardt#snap sketches#this wasnt the personal thing i wanted to draw this weekend but it has been on the back burner for a while so. it counts !!!!!!#i did sketch this last night. MODERATELY hammered and the final comic is Just A Tad diff from the sketch im wheezing#just in terms of angles but still thats huge to me#CHAT everyone knew i was gonna draw SOMETHING as soon as i saw those tentacles#however i flipped the script on you all. probably. idk SOMEONE prob assumed i woulda had magneto use them#but how the turn tables .... have turned. this is so stupid JVLKJVLA if this gets 5k on twitter ill do a charles ver MAYBE.#welcome back to my ongoing series of These Old Men Will Make Their Weird Love Affair Everyones Problem#i have an exam in the morning i need to stop this#ill have to this week like Truly but still VJELRKVJE I GOTTAAAA STOPPP DRAWIN THIS LATE#anyways. please enjoy this is so dumb but i got to try drawing charles' powers in effect so thats nice#i should do a study of that one day ... not anyday soon LMAO GOD moving on goodnight everyone !!
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A belief in Nominative Determinsim
#mira & isa sitting at the other side of the room: oh that cannot be a healthy rationalisation. someone should deconstruct that QUICKLY...#change's strongest soldiers VERSUS one guy echo chambering themselves about a susperstition-based retributive model of the world. GO!!!#isat spoilers#isat#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#sloops#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#lucabyteart#hey look now. this is softer than usual isnt it? ignore the. ignore the subtle damnation of blame unto the self. its fine. theyre fine#this is in fact a slight adaptation of that headcanon of mine i linked! yep! turns out the way to comic-ise it was to. make it like#90% speech bubble and get kinda weird with the formatting. it's clunky and experimental but hey. im experimenting.#the next ones gonna have even more fucking speech bubbles if it goes how im planning. christ#then its gonna get followed up with something wordless so. all things in perfect balance.#DISCLAIMER: i like to write loop and siffrin displaying the maybe not so great logic-holes their seeming fear of 'retribution for not#sticking to (the script) what the universe intends for them' entails. i do not agree with their weird philosophising.#i in fact think this is . bad for them. and am exploring how fucking unhealthy their mindset seems to be even when 'mundane'#OCD siffrin real as hell whats with the doing arbitrary actions in specific ways lest Something Nebulously Bad Happen little dude?#anyway if you caught the extremely blunt symbolism of kissing a hand with a knife in it you win a prize! it's called self-satisfaction 🎉🎉#hmm. do people realise i kept calling this type of back and forth between siffrin and loop a socratic dialogue bc socrates was also just#arguing with himself? like he was just making up the other guys. complete thought experiment. i also call them that because theyre WORDY!!!
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Driftingstars and dreamcaptor fusion au thing! This takes place right after mabel falls through the portal ig dk what im doing lmaooo
(Dreamcaptor au belongs to @neonross )
#gravity falls#gravity falls au#stanford pines#mabel pines#dreamcaptor au#drifting stars au#also im gonna tag this au w#drifting dreams au#just for my own sanity#this took me over 20 hrs#TT-TT#i think it was a good learning experience though#i dont know what i learned but im sure it was something#my art#i tried to make ford look scary but he just looks silly#i’m very happy with how mabel turned out thought#inconsistebt artstyle be damned#i see so many mistakes now but fuck if you think i’m going back and fixing anything#i have so make ideas#frankly i think mabel should get to be a little fucked up and evil just a little as a treat#she deserves it <3#i’m so stupidly proud of the third panel you have no idea#i love mabel so much yap yap yap yap
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getting in that spooky spirit
#ive had this on my mind for a while#and what better time to make it reality than octobor first#these stupid little skeletons for things that Should Not Have Skeletons fascinate me so much#we need more of them and they should all be wildly incorrect#i was too lazy to draw n in the second panel hes just offscreen#swapped his hand for one with a tissue to wipe his tears away#like how beau did it#just pretend i drew that part the gags much funnier with that#as it turns out you can avoid the artstyle crisis by simply Not Caring. proving effective so far#art#murder drones#murder drones uzi#uzi doorman#accidentally put that as a tag on the last one without thinking about it and im keeping it#sorry tag haters jk no im not#murder drones n#serial designation n#theyre in like an abandoned mall or something i dunno figure it out
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some of what’s up with this guy
edit: can you pretend I wrote “after” instead of “before” THANX
#I have. To go eat dinner it’s 2 hours past when I said I would go eat dinner#my art#dcmk#aa#Conan edogawa#shinichi kudo#Maya fey#fellas what if all of your internal arguments turned into external arguments#They are. In my brain. Just two aspects of shinichi that have been kinda separated#he has these arguments with himself all the time - run or attack? tell or don’t tell? talk or stay quiet? And usually the confidence wins o#is that a good thing? Sometimes.#You guys should talk to each other about how both extremes of your personality are important to making you who you are#and how unexpected terrible major change doesn’t turn you into a different person. Or something#turnabout 4869
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もう一回、もう一回
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#fushiguro megumi#yuji itadori#itafushi#ryoumen sukuna#megumi fushiguro#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#gomen its hina posts self indulgent art hours#this is fr me first and foremost. any1 else liking it is just a bonus in my eyes#i may not be able to animate but i am so happy with these regardless i think they turned out great :') treat fr Me#rolling girl megumi u mean so much 2 me suddenly#fun fact ! actually the first vocaloid song i ever listened to. stumbled across an audio post on this very tumblr dot com#and it forever changed the course of my taste in music#so it alr has a soft spot in my heart fr tht reason but Also the lyrics Also th whole deal w wowaka and Now w megumi.....#rolling girl u have become too powerful#anyway in th context of canon n megumi choosing to live i am choosing to interpret the song the less depressing way#where the boy represents a saving grace rather than being a personification of miku's char's demons convincing her to end it#n the ending being her deciding to stop fighting on her own n instead accept help from those around her#but i did also want to pay homage 2 the interpretation of him representing her inner demons#so i have redraws of both yuuji And sukuna as the boy#choose ur own adventure if u will#clutches heart why does it fit so WELL what cosmic force decided tht miku and jjk should overlap at all i just wanna talk#clearly something has it out fr me
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Gear Station is not haunted. No, Gear Station is alive and well.
A bit of an explanation below the cut:
I had this idea at the end of September, and it has had me in a death grip ever since.
I've always had a fascination with stories about haunted houses, of which aren't haunted by ghosts or demons or monsters, but are instead deemed haunted because the House itself is Alive. The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson, Anatomy by KittyHorrorShow, House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski, just to name a few.
But after a while, it got me thinking; if a House could be Haunted, then what else could? What about other feats of architecture? How about ships or stations?
And if Houses learn to hate because they are abandoned by humanity, can other places learn to love because they are loved by humanity?
Anyways, this is a very VERY long-winded way to say that two of my special interests have combined into the idea of Gear Station itself being Alive and watching over the twins and its other inhabitants. Hopefully nothing bad happens after realizing an eldritch Being is possessing your workplace, and I hope nothing bad further happens after realizing it Knows you! 🫶 surely nothing can go wrong!
#submas#houses that hate. ships that sing. stories that are reflections of humanity cast onto things not meant to feel.#GOD I love the idea of horrors just beyond our comprehension taking the forms of places that we should recognize and turning them into-#-into something hostile and meant to trap us#but! ramblings aside#ive got a general idea of what i want to do with this. but i Do Not Draw Fast 🫶 and I have a lot of ideas already on the backburner :(#but i'll be working on it behind the scenes :)#submas ingo#ingo#my art#project: bayer
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This fic is leaving rent free in my head since a week so go read it: Haunting by @iiidunno : https://archiveofourown.org/works/54832273/chapters/138984958 [Edit] ok I put half a BG 'cause really It was bothering me
#star wars#star wars the bad batch#tbb fanart#tbb fanfiction#never drawn something so complex kill me#Yes I gave up on the color halfway#Anyway the pictures are just here to lure you into reading this fic who again PRINTED in my brain#I want to apply for SW zines so I thought I should draw more complex art#turn out it takes times#idk zine people you tell me#tell me I love doing zines OvO#I mean I will apply to your zine but not with my sw art this will be awkward#ANYWAY I drew theses scenes#it's out of my mind#I can sleep now#god its 3 am what am I doing with my life#The anatomy is flatten on the ground but can only draw weird camera angles or I die#I still think this could be more dynamic but again#drawing people interacting is hard#ok bye
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the fact that irving canonically survives through the end of asunder to be at wynne's funeral is so fucking funny to me. nothing but love and respect for MY unstoppable cockroach morally grey machiavellian mage dad!!! he's survived in his position through multiple attempted rites of annulment and blood mage plots popping up left right and center around him. the chantry keeps trying to stamp him out but his dodge game is simply out of this world, divine. civil wars, political machinations and minefields, chantry atrocities, this wily old motherfucker is dodging and weaving his way through it all, not-quite-no-hits-taken-running-it-but-honestly-close-enough-under-the-circumstances style. if solas does succeed in tearing down the veil I would fully believe that one of the like three people still alive at the end of it all would be a very weary 90 year old first enchanter irving going 'oh this shit again huh'. the maker has cursed him for his hubris and his paperwork is never finished (affectionate, it's fine he canonically loves paperwork)
#we should have had the option to leave him in the fade instead of hawke or a warden#he would've just annoyedly shuffled his way back out of there a week later#dragon age#dragon age origins#first enchanter irving#he must be SO annoying to the chantry because it's heavily implied he's made his playground#out of tirelessly finding technicalities and loopholes to exploit that they can't *quite* call him on without domino effects going off#I think first enchanter in the circle system at origins times is a position that invariably and inevitably leaves you morally compromised#but I feel he really does his best within the rules he's given to play with and personally i love him a bit for that. and also#for being an unkillable lil shit. insufferable. inconquerable in his 'I'm about to be such an annoyance to you' impish spirit.#the I'm going to suffer but guess what. so are you of it all. traumatize the chantry back#I just imagine sophia sending letters home right before the vote for independence like '...dad I am hearing some INSANE rumours out here#what the actual fuck is going on back home???'#and he's like 'nothing that you need to worry about sweetie just keep living your best life and have fun killing darkspawn <3'#(there's something that makes me feel So much about how consistently his stance is like... 'you'll always be welcome here#but the circle doesn't *need* you; go be a warden and live your life'. he managed to fineagle freedom for you somehow and won't let you#turn and glance back. not even once. I feel somehow both so abandoned and so incredibly loved it's wild)#oc: sophia amell
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