#shot came on screen. hes literally saturday chilling

[brucequeensteen]

suffering through post traumatic stress disorder in the peace and quiet of your own home counts as chilling okay

[anxious2dsimp]

Everything He's Not | Iwaizumi x GN! Reader | Short Fic

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Flavour: Angst (Reader x Cheater!Oikawa) to Fluff (Reader x Iwaizumi)💔→☁️

Reader: Gender Neutral!

Format: Short Fic (alternating between two sides of the story, y/n and Iwa's)

Part: 1 out of 2 (read part 2 here)

Word Count: 2.3k

Summary: Y/N, has dated the very popular Oikawa Toru for a while, through him becoming friends with his group. However, little do they know about a certain stoic ace's feelings for his best friend's s/o. When Oikawa screws up big time, will Iwaizumi's true feelings finally show? And what will Y/N do when everything goes down?

Warnings: Cheating, cursing, breakups, basically Oikawa x Reader angst turned into Iwaizumi x Reader fluff.

A/N: I wrote this for myself a while back but I edited it into a gender-neutral reader insert on a sleep-deprived whim (sorry if there are any mistakes, feel free to let me know!) Ik it's very random, but hopefully someone likes it :)

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Your POV

Dating Oikawa Toru was definitely different from what you expected; at first you were weary about the volleyball star, but after giving him a chance you started to see the real him. Yes, he was the captain of a powerhouse’s Volleyball team and had a ton of fangirls, but really he was just a regular guy with dorky interests and an alien obsession, which was the side of him you fell for. It wasn’t all great, dealing with his fangirls was rough; luckily you were safe being from another school, but they’d take any chance they had to try and gain Oikawa’s interest, flirting with him as he did the same back, not with bad intentions, it was just his personality. It did slightly annoy you, but you knew he was clear that we were together and wouldn’t take things further, he was just keeping up his image, and he promised you that was all.

Since your Karasuno friends didn’t particularly like your relationship with the setter (though they did respect it), you two hung out with his Aoba Johsai friends; that’s how your friendship with Iwa, Makki, and Mattsun started. You all became good friends, so they all helped you keep Oikawa in line while at school (especially Iwaizumi). Since you got along so well your friendship became its own thing besides Oikawa, and before you realized it, you and Iwa were such good friends that you chatted almost daily on the phone.

You don’t know what exactly made you bond so much, maybe you were similar in the sense that you were both used to being lowkey, keeping things together behind the scenes; regardless, you both enjoyed each other’s company. That Tuesday afternoon was one of those days, Oikawa had something to do at school, so Iwaizumi invited you, Makki, and Mattsun over to his place to wait for the captain like you usually did since it was the closest to the school.

So, you just chilled like always, laughing and playing video games, talking about whatever came to mind. While you were in the middle of a Mario Kart match, you heard the front door of the apartment open, “(y/n)-chan! I’m sorry for the delay~” the brunette said in a sing-song voice.

“Hi to you too, Oikawa,” said Makki, poking fun at him, to which he just rolled his eyes and walked over to the couch. “Aren’t you gonna give me a kiss?” Oikawa asked standing in front of the screen, causing all four of you to start yelling at him to get out of the way, making him pout. “One sec, Toru-chan,” you said, biting your lip while focusing on keeping your first place intact for the last lap. The setter just giggled and got out of the way, walking around the sofa to stand behind you.

Iwaizumi’s POV

‘Eyes on the screen Iwaizumi,’ the ace told himself as he tried to focus on the game, attempting to ignore the way Oikawa kissed (y/n)’s neck while they played, trying to get their attention but failing miserably other than a giggle here and there. Iwa could tell by the way their (e/c) colored eyes pierced the screen that they wanted to win. The boy could see why his best friend liked them, unlike most people (y/n) actually treated Oikawa like a normal person, which definitely got him going. It wasn’t just that though, you all became such good friends because they’re smart, funny and beyond kind; but that’s all you were, friends. So why did it make him moody to see them be all couple-y?

After all, they were together while he was just the friend, the one who kept the fangirls off Oikawa so (y/n) didn’t have to worry because he couldn’t do it himself. Even though Toru was Iwaizumi’s best friend since they were kids, he couldn’t help but think that his friend wasn’t the greatest boyfriend. However, that was the same reason why he couldn’t say anything either, after all, they made him happy and vice versa, so he just kept telling himself to keep his damn eyes on the screen.

Luckily for him, the game was soon over so you all ordered takeout and sat around talking. “Yo, (y/n), there’s this new scary movie on Netflix, we should watch it this Friday night,” Mattsun stated, stealing one of Maki’s fries and throwing it in his mouth. “That sounds fun, but I can’t Friday! Karasuno has a friendly match against a few Tokyo schools this weekend so we leave Thursday after school,” (y/n) explained with a sweet smile, Iwaizumi’s eyes casually wondering over to Oikawa to see him looking upset.

‘Ugh, here goes,’ the spiker thought to himself. Lately, Toru had been restless and uncomfortable because according to him, his s/o was slipping away from him. Oikawa had somehow managed to convince himself that Karasuno had made it their mission to get their manager (y/n) to stop liking him and had been getting increasingly dramatic and jealous lately for no reason.

“But I thought we were going to hang out this weekend,” Oikawa whined as he pouted at his significant other, trying to seem jokingly disappointed though his best friend could tell he actually was upset. “Babe, we literally talk every day and we hung out all this past weekend, and today,” (y/n) said taking his hand.

“Plus, you have friends too, Shittykawa,” Hajime said, trying to get his friend’s mind out of that dark place since he knew he was more prone to make stupid comments when it was there. Oikawa didn’t drop it, insisting on how they were talking less as (y/n) continued to explain that school had been busy and how he also had responsibilities that took up his time. They eventually got him to shut up, but Iwaizumi couldn’t shake the concern that he was being too stupid, and it felt like he was getting closer and closer to making a mistake.

Your POV

You had to admit you did feel guilty when you told Toru you were leaving for the weekend, it was true that you had been way too busy with school and that neither of you had much free time, but you knew that your feelings for him were still strong. So, that Thursday after school you were happy and excited to hear that the trip had been postponed and you’d actually travel on Saturday morning because Sensei had a very important meeting on Friday afternoon. With the change of plans, you decided to go surprise your boyfriend, and it already being late in the afternoon, by the time you got to his place he would be home.

As you got off the bus by his place and got closer to his house, the sun beginning to set, a couple by a small park caught your eye, causing a soft smile to appear on your face. That park was always where you two would hang out when you wanted to be just the two of you. Walking closer, however, the smile quickly disappeared as you realized the “couple” was none other than Oikawa himself with one of his persistent fans he told you not to worry about. ‘Maybe they’re just hanging out as friends,’ or at least that’s what you told yourself as you squinted and kept walking.

Picking up your pace you got closer, now being able to see their faces more clearly in the dimly lit park only to watch them kiss, the girl’s arms around his neck while Oikawa’s hand slid up her thigh. You didn’t know what to do, so you just stood there in shock as silent tears began to fall down your face. Almost as if you were in a trance, you reached into your pocket and took out your phone, dialing his number as you saw the brunette react.

He looked down surprised at his phone screen as he scooted apart from the girl and picked up the call as if it was nothing. “Hey beaut-” he started to say before you cut him off, not having the strength to hear his happy tone. “How could you?!” you sobbed angrily into the phone as his face became anxious. “What’s wrong babe?” How could he try to play it off as if he had no idea?

“You lying, cheating, son of a bitch! We’re over,” you yelled angrily, hanging up right as his eyes met yours. You were close enough to see the horrified and heartbroken expression on his face, but before he could say anything you turned around and just ran. Grabbing the straps of your backpack you sprinted back down the streets, your vision blurry with tears as your (h/c) hair was pushed back by the wind. It was only when you were back at the bus station and were sure that Oikawa was nowhere to be seen that you stopped and realized; you didn’t know where to go next.

You could go to your Karasuno friends, but you weren’t in the mood to hear “I told you so” and couldn’t go home to not worry your family. As you sat there and looked at the screen blankly, tears continuing to fill your eyes, a notification appeared. ‘Hey loser, how’s the trip going?’ you read as your eyes looked at Iwa’s name by the message. He was your best shot, you were close and he wouldn’t judge, so without opening your phone again and ignoring all of Oikawa’s calls you jogged over to Iwaizumi’s place.

After ringing the apartment and hiding your teary and now out of breath voice in the intercom, Iwa’s mom buzzed you in, and once you got to his floor you were greeted by Iwaizumi looking concerned, more so once he saw the state you were in. “(y/n), are you ok?” Iwaizumi asked as he walked over to you, hugging you as you hid in his arms and sobbed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know where else to go. It’s Oikawa,” you explained as he nodded and got you inside. He made some tea and brought it with you two to his room, both of you sitting on his bed. “Ok, what did Shittykawa do now?” he asked as he looked up at you and handed over a warm mug. “D- did you know h-he was cheating on me?” you managed to stutter out between sobs, trying to sound collected but being embarrassed by your inability to do so.

“He- wHAT?!” His reaction startled you, and when you looked up from the cup and saw his horrified, furious expression it made you feel less like you were overreacting. “I- the trip got postponed to Saturday morning, so I went to surprise him to his place and saw him in our bench making out with one of his fangirls,” you explained, watching as Iwa’s face became angrier and angrier, realizing how you don’t think you’ve ever seen him like this, “I’m sorry I came to you, I know you’re best friends.”

Iwaizumi’s POV

Seeing them like this was already painful, but learning what Oikawa did was too much, Iwaizumi couldn’t believe how his friend could do this to (y/n). The spiker had never cared when he did stuff like this or worse than this to his fangirls. After all, he thought, they were the ones stupid enough to be blinded by his charm, but he never fathomed Oikawa would be able to do something like that to someone as great as you. “What? Hey, don’t even dare apologize,” he stated firmly as he took both mugs and set them by the bedside table, hugging (y/n) tightly and feeling them snuggle into him as they cried. Seeing them like this killed him. ‘Fuck Oikawa,’ he thought to himself, ‘if before I had stayed out of the way because they were good for each other that’s no longer the case.’

“I’m so sorry he did this to you; I should have stopped him. If I had known I would have, I should have been paying more attention,” the ace rambled into (y/n)’s hair as they cried softly, getting angry at himself before being interrupted by them pushing themselves away from him gently to look up at his face. “Why are you apologizing as if this was your fault? Iwa, he’s the one who’s an asshole, not you,” they stated, wiping a tear from their face.

“Because,” was he really going to say this? Screw it, here goes nothing, he told himself before continuing, “I knew you deserved better than him, but I convinced myself he would be different with you because I saw how good you were to him, and how happy you looked.” (y/n) just looked at him, mouth slightly ajar as they seemed to process what the boy had said. He couldn’t take the silence anymore so to avoid the blush he felt was beginning to appear on his cheeks he asked; “so did you dump him?” They nodded, looking down at their cup of tea as they chuckled and replied; “on the spot, over the phone.”

Iwaizumi chuckled back, releasing some of the nerves; “serves him right.” They smiled weakly at his comment and absentmindedly ran their fingers through their hair, My god were they gorgeous, Hajime thought to himself, only then realizing it was the first time it was just the two of them in his room, suddenly becoming self-conscious. Calm down, he told himself while taking a deep breath, looking over at (y/n). 'They just broke up with their boyfriend, being here with you is their last concern,' or so he thought. “Do you… want to watch (favorite movie) and eat ice cream?” the spiker suggested after thinking for a moment, he knew that was their favorite movie, and ice cream helps get over jerks, right?

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[carryonsimoncarryonbaz]

SKIN DEEP—a fic

So Rainbow had a pretty funny exchange on Twitter yesterday about the Watford crew and teenage acne, and in particular if Baz would have acne. Which she said he most certainly would. So, being me, I had to go write a fic about it. Because I have no chill and even less self control. So here is a slightly crack-y fic, set at pre-canon era Watford, as hormones start to surge and Simon becomes pimple obsessed.

Screen shots of Rainbow’s tweets at the end of this post, to prove this lunacy had a real life prompt.

Simon and Baz fourth year, as the ravages of adolescence commence. Pimples, blemishes and spots. Questionable concoctions. The roots of Baz’s immaculate skin care regimen. Some things even a vampire can’t avoid.

Skin Deep

Year Four

Simon

I’m just about to splash water on my face when I notice them in the mirror. I mean, I’ve been expecting this to happen. I saw the older boys go all spotty at the homes. There’s no way I’d be lucky enough to be spared.

But fuck it all. I’ve got one on the side of my nose, two on my chin and one right between my eyebrows. How did I get all these pimples in one night?

I’m half tempted to think Baz spelled me. But that’s not his style, he doesn’t sneak about doing something like this, even though he’s a prick and a plotter. No, he did things like this when we were first years, but now when Baz spells me he wants everyone to know what he’s done.

Makes a production of it, the wanker.

Like when he knocks my boater off. Spells my shoes untied during class, so I trip when I stand up. Or seals the lid on the butter dish at breakfast.

If Baz was going to spell me spotty he’d do it in on a Monday, right before class, when everyone would notice. Not in our room, on a Saturday morning, when we’ve got nothing to do and nowhere to go.

He’s still asleep so if he did do it, it must have been in the night and really what would be the bloody point of that?

I have to reluctantly admit it’s probably not him this time. It’s me. I was just hoping this particular stage of puberty would just pass me by.

The other milestones have been coming one right after another though, so I guess I’m not that lucky.

I’ve got hair in more places now.

And I grew three inches this summer (Baz grew four, the tosser, so he’s still taller than me).

He’s taller but it’s like he fits in his body. Glides when he walks. Smooth as silk on the pitch. Bloody infuriating, is what it is.

I feel like a marionette on a string, my arms and legs all out of sync, knocking into furniture and tripping over my own feet, even when my shoes are tied.

And my voice has been doing that stupid thing where it gets all deep mid-sentence, and then it goes up so high I sound like Madame Bellamy. It’s bloody awful. Baz always gives me shit about it --“going to break into song for us, Snow?”

He’s such a prick.

I lean in closer to the mirror. The ones on my chin are small. It’s the nose one that’s a disaster.

No help for it. I’ll ask Penny if there’s a spell at breakfast. Though I doubt there is, seeing as Agatha’s been spotty for weeks and I know she’d use a spell, if there was one. Penny says Agatha spells her hair to be that straight and shine like it does. I wasn’t sure I believed her but some days it’s got a bit of an uneven wave to it so I wonder if Penny may be right.

*******

“No, Simon, there isn’t a spell.” Penny is using her patient voice with me, which means she thinks my question is unbearably stupid. She leans across the table to peer at me over her glasses. “You’ve hardly got any.”

“I might only have four now. But just you wait. They’re bound to get worse. With my luck I’ll be covered in them.”

“You don’t know that. And even if they do get worse it’s human nature! The universal teen experience!”

I groan.

“It won’t be that bad, Simon. Besides everyone’s spotty.”

“Baz isn’t spotty.”

She rolls her eyes. “Not Baz again, please.”

“Have you seen him, Penny?”

“I see him every day, Simon.”

“Yes, but have you really looked?”

“Obviously not as intently as you.”

“I live with him!”

I get another eye roll.

“He’s not got one spot! I tell you, it’s proof he’s a vampire. You can’t go through normal adolescence and be as pristine as all that.”

“Everyone goes through puberty at different times. He’s probably not at that stage yet.”

“He’s taller than me!”

“He’s always been taller than you.”

“Don’t I know it.”

“It’s not like he has any control over that, Simon. It’s genetics.”

I know that. I know height isn’t something that you can magick. But it just doesn’t seem fair that each time I grow enough to catch up to him, he grows too.

He did it last summer. Did it again this summer. Even grew over the Christmas holiday this year, the jammy bastard.

And now I’m sprouting pimples right and left and he’s across the dining hall with his flawless, pearly grey skin. Not a spot to be seen.

Typical.

****

I can tell I’ve got more when I wake up. Bloody hell. The old ones dry up and get crusty and new ones take their place.

My face feels heavier this morning. I grimace and I know there’s one on the side of my nose again. It pinches when my cheeks move so it must be massive. And the one on my chin itches— it’s probably grown overnight, red and welted around that nasty white center. I can’t even imagine what my forehead looks like.

I’ve tried everything.

Washing my face twice a day.

Alcohol to try to dry them out (didn’t do a thing, except make my skin all flaky so I looked like I had dandruff and the pox).

I borrowed some ointment off of Gareth. (He’s worse off than me, the poor sod, just a face full of them.) (Which should have tipped me off that whatever he was using wasn’t working.) (Got an earful from Penny about that.)

I had some sort of allergic reaction when I used his, so my face was itching, red even in the areas between the spots, and felt like it was on fucking fire.

Practically scrubbed my face off trying to wash it away.

Of course, Baz walked in right as I came out of the en suite. Did a double take at the sight of me, the wanker, then raised that eyebrow of his and curled his lip up in a sneer. Leaned forward and studied me for a moment. My face got even hotter. I don’t like it when he stares at me like that, all intense and focused. Like he’s plotting the best way to end me without triggering the Anathema. Makes my stomach twist, it does.

Made me wish my wand wasn’t half way across the room.

But I know Baz won’t risk the Anathema. He’s never done anything remotely threatening in our room. (It’s another story out of our room.)

He’d crossed his arms over his chest after he was done inspecting me and smirked, the tosser. “You know, Snow, between the excessive quantity of moles, infinite number of freckles, and extraordinary collection of pimples you have on your face, I don’t think I can actually see anything resembling skin anymore.”

He’s going to make me trigger the Anathema one of these days.

I ended up having to see the nurse for it, when I couldn’t stop scratching at my face. She rolls her eyes almost as much as Penny. It’s not like I can help being there so often. I’ve got missions. Important work for the Mage. It’s what I do.

She’d shaken her head at me and cast some spell that made the itching go away but didn’t do a thing for the bloody spots. Looked bored and put upon even doing that, she did.

This teen experience is a bloody nuisance.

I’m more and more convinced Baz is a vampire. The entire class looks poxed except for him. Like we’re in the middle of a plague while he’s all alabaster skin, unblemished and smooth, immaculate and bloody flawless.

Perfect, just like he always is.

Wanker.

Baz

Snow is an absolute spotted mess. It was entertaining at first, to watch him peer at himself in the mirror, hear the muttered curses as he would catch sight of each new blemish.

But I’m actually finding myself almost feeling sorry for him now.

Almost.

He’s standing at his mirror, turning his face this way and that, grumbling to himself as he inspects his reflection.

It’s something he does on a daily basis since his skin condition deteriorated so precipitously. I should probably stop needling him about it.

But I won’t because he actually seems quite bothered by it. Can’t let him think I’m going soft.

I wasn’t joking the other night, when I mocked him. I don’t think he has a span of skin left that doesn’t have some manner of spot or blotch or freckle on it. At least he’s stopped with the alcohol washes. He was shedding more than a snake when he was doing that, leaving errant flakes of skin all over the bathroom sink.

Disgusting.

Whatever he’s doing certainly isn’t making anything better. Making it a far sight worse by my estimation.

He’s literally a textbook illustration of acne vulgaris. The full range: from red and bumpy spots, to glaring pustules, to crusted over, scabby craters.

More like a walking dermatologic visual in actuality. You could slap a label on him: progressive stages of teenage acne and the entire range of pigmented facial anomalies.

Although they weren’t really anomalies before the acne got to Snow. His moles and freckles just seem to fit with his tawny skin—vast arrays of constellations scattered across his face, mapping out patterns against the smoothness of his complexion.

I don’t know what I’m thinking. What absolute nonsense. Snow’s freckles are a travesty.

And he’s anything but smooth complexioned. He’s more of a lunar landscape than Shakespeare’s damask’d roses.

I can’t be arsed to mess with him now though. I’m too comfortable under my blankets.

It’s far too early for anyone to be up, but Snow’s probably readying himself to head off on one of the Mage’s blasted missions again. Despite the fact that it’s a Sunday morning and by all accounts he should be doing what the rest of us are—having a lazy lie-in.

I watch him from under half-lidded eyes, the blankets pulled up to cover the bottom half of my face. He growls one last time, savages his curls in an attempt to tame them, and then charges out the door. It slams shut behind him, further proof that Snow has no regard for the niceties of sharing a room.

Thanks to all his thumping about, I’m now wide awake. I try to go back to sleep, try to will myself into a drowsy oblivion, but that ship has sailed. No Sunday lie-in for me and I lay the blame directly on Snow.

I stay under the covers for a bit longer, dreading the chilly walk to the en suite, but eventually my need to piss outweighs the comfort of the bed.

It’s not until I’m washing my hands and happen to glance up at the mirror that I notice.

There’s a pimple on my nose. Not just on my nose—at the very tip of it. Right in the fucking center of my face. If it were anywhere else—my forehead or my cheeks, for example—I’d have some chance of hiding it. But this. I can’t hide this.

And I can’t hide the one on my chin either. Bloody hell.

I shouldn’t even have pimples. I should by all rights be immune to this. I don’t get sick, I’m not prey to infections—how the bloody hell have I ended up with acne, for Crowley’s sake? It should be one of the perks of being undead—imperviousness to the ravages of teenage skin eruptions.

For half a minute I wonder if Snow has spelled me, in retribution for my insensitive commentary on his facial imperfections. But there is no possible way Snow could have managed a spell this precise, this nuanced. I’d be covered in boils, like Job himself, if Snow had attempted to pox me.

That’s not to say that this is acceptable. It most assuredly is not. And there’s no bloody spell for it. Dev’s been spotty since last year and he and Niall have yet to find anything that does more than slightly diminish the redness.

It’s fine. This is fine.

It’s not fine.

I need to call home and talk to Daphne. Surely she’ll have some advice for me.

Simon

The sunlight filtering through the window wakes me up. I’m still knackered from yesterday. Didn’t get back until well after midnight and I’ve got class in just a bit. I stretch and groan as my shoulder pops. I wrenched it trying to free my sword from that basilisk’s skull last night. I roll my neck and pull myself to a seated position.

Baz is already up. The door to the en suite’s closed but I don’t hear the water running.

My stomach growls. I’ll have time for seconds if I get to breakfast early enough. I’m just about ready to head down there when Baz comes out of the bathroom, steam drifting behind him and bringing the scent of his shampoo with it. It’s some posh brand, in sleek, artistically shaped bottles.

Penny says it smells like cedar and bergamot. I’m not sure what cedar and bergamot smell like. All I know is that the scent is unfairly pleasant.

Unlike Baz, who isn’t pleasant at all.

He looks murderous at the moment, eyebrows lowered, eyes narrowed. He’s an arse in general but more so in the mornings. He’d sleep late if he had the chance—he’s rarely out of bed before nine on weekends, the tosser, not unless he’s got exams to study for or an away match.

I’m trying to stay out of his way as I leave but I make for the door right as he crosses the room to his wardrobe and we do this awkward half step to avoid each other.

And that’s when I see it.

He’s got a pimple on his nose. Right at the tip of it, where it comes to a bit of a point. It’s nothing compared to any of mine. I’d hardly notice it on anyone else but this is Baz.

It’s stark against his pale skin, raised and just slightly reddened.

Fuck. He’s got one on his chin as well. Two, actually.

Baz has spots.

Trivial and hardly noticeable ones, but still.

I open my mouth to say something then think better of it and hightail it down to breakfast.

I still can’t quite believe it.

Baz has spots.

Penny is disappointingly unimpressed by this unexpected and highly irregular development.

“Simon, we all have spots. This is not some earth-shattering revelation. It’s puberty. A normal part of human development. We’ve been over this.”

“No, but this is Baz. Baz, Penny. He’s not human.”

Penny rolls her eyes again. She rolls her eyes rather a lot, I’m thinking. “He is if he has spots, Simon. I’d say this disproves your vampire hypothesis for good.”

“Maybe vampires aren’t immune to acne.”

“Simon.”

“Maybe it’s some plot. He probably magicked them up himself, the scheming prick.”

“You’re relentless! First you’re outraged that he doesn’t have spots, now you’re complaining that he does! For Merlin’s sake, Baz has finally shown himself to be as imperfect as the rest of us, so let it go, Simon.”

“He’s not imperfect. Far from it. Even his pimples are impeccable—small, unobtrusive, uh . . . restrained.”

Penny stands up, takes her plate and glares at me over the top of her glasses. “That’s enough, Simon. You’re being absurd. No one has perfect pimples.” She stomps across the hall to deposit her dishes, turning back to give me a disapproving look.

I scowl at her. Baz walks in as Penny goes out.

She’s wrong this time. Penny’s not wrong about much, but she’s wrong about this.

Baz’s pimples are fucking perfect.

It’s so fucking unfair.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23383057

[peterstanslizzie]

Re-watching Lizzie Mcguire: Episode 1.23 (Last Year’s Model)

“You like me, you really like me”. She didn’t say this but I feel this is the perfect description for this picture lol

- The Mcguire family’s got mail! Besides the generic ones like bills, Matt receives a letter that contains a $50 gift certificate from his grandma, Gammy Mcguire for his birthday. 

- But she seemed to forget when Matt’s birthday is because she had already gifted him his present 7 months ago. I still would like to see Gammy actually appear on-screen and interact with her family. But we are never going to get that I’m afraid. 

- As for Lizzie, she asks her mom if she could participate in a fashion show organised by ‘Teen Attitude’ magazine. If she’s chosen by them, she will receive $500 worth of merchandise. I would definitely want to do that fashion show just for the perks. Her mom seems to be on board as long as she does her homework and stops picking on Matt.

Lizzie says sure but we all know that she’s not going to do one of the two promises lol

Lizzie The Runway Model

Remember when fashion shows back then were all fun and joyful and the models always used to spin around? Nowadays, most models just look so miserable.

- Gordo seems to be on-board with the whole modeling thing for Lizzie, mostly because of the $500. Isn’t he the type of person who views modeling as superficial? I also wonder why Miranda wasn’t interested in trying out for the fashion show?

- Mr. Dig, their substitute teacher suddenly interrupts their conversation and went off on a tangent by talking about the time he gave advice to a model by the name of Colette Romana, whose face was broken when an elephant sat on her face in Nairobi.....okayyy

Mr. Dig is really odd but I do appreciate his honesty with the kids when it comes to life lessons 

- Next, we move on to the ‘Styling’ and Sassy’ fashion show! Lizzie’s parents, her friends and even Kate Sanders plus Ethan Craft are in the audience. Can I just say that Lizzie totally rocked the runway!? She really fits the typical girl-next-door look the fashion show was trying to showcase and not to mention, I love the fact that an S Club 7 song (Everybody Wants Ya) is playing in the background too!

Work that twirl girlfriend!

- Kate is clearly jealous that she couldn’t do the fashion show because she had to go to a funeral. Wow Kate, way to hit a new low this time. But I must say; Kate would’ve have been great for this because she certainly has the height for the runway. 

Everybody Is Acting Weird Around Lizzie

- After the fashion show, Lizzie tells her friends that she was asked to do another fashion show due to her amazing performance. Gordo then makes a joke with her, reminding her to not forget about them when she becomes famous and all of a sudden, Lizzie forgets his name when addressing him...umm what? Hope she wasn’t kidding when she did that.

- After that, we see this girl who sat with Kate and Ethan in the fashion show approach Lizzie and invites her to her dad’s clubhouse to hang out in the hot tub and watch the new Backstreet Boys DVD. This show is definitely old lmao!

Okay, this girl’s name is Jessica. I had to fast forward to figure that out.

- Lizzie hesitates to say yes because she already made plans with Gordo and Miranda to watch a movie but turns out, both her friends are very eager to join Lizzie at the country club and hang out with the popular kids. Even Gordo!

- We are then taken to the clubhouse and our trio is seen chilling in the hot tub. Gordo is mostly enjoying the free food being served. I can definitely relate to him. What’s surprising me right now is how Kate’s acting all cool and friendly in front of Lizzie.

What a sudden change in attitude! She’s now acting as if Lizzie is a legit celebrity, which she isn’t. I don’t get it.

- It’s not just with Kate; Miranda is also acting different around Lizzie. She offers to bring a drink over to Lizzie and basically recites the entire drinks menu. She’s acting like Lizzie’s personal assistant. But wow, Miranda actually seems to have a great memory when it comes to listing things out. 

- Back at the hot tub, Gordo is talking to Jessica and tells her he has videos of Lizzie that he has shot for his short films/documentaries. He offers to come over to her house to show her some of them to which she says yes, as long as he brings Lizzie along. 

Why is Gordo the only one wearing shades? It’s either he has sensitive eyes or he just wants to look cool, which isn’t something Gordo would do

- And just like that, Lizzie is going to watch videos at Jessica’s on Sunday night without agreeing to it. On top of that, she’s apparently going dancing at the ‘Shango Tango’ on Saturday night with them as well. Basically, they want to use Lizzie’s status as a model to grant them access to these places. She did one fashion show and they’re acting like she’s Gigi Hadid or whatever lol

Lizzie’s Famous Now

- At school, everyone is just staring at Lizzie everywhere she goes. Even Kate goes up to her and compliments her outfit and accessories. 

“My earrings match my eyes?”. This line is definitely memorable to me. 

- Plus, it seems like the tables have turned because Lizzie and Ethan have literally switched characters. When Lizzie is talking to him about an English test they just took, he’s acting like the old Lizzie when she’s around him; all awkward and fidgety. 

- Lizzie notices all of this and tells her friends how everyone is acting so different around her. Miranda and Gordo doesn’t view this as a negative; They like the fact that people are noticing them now and inviting them to all sorts of special events/parties. 

- After running away from the other students who were all just staring at her still, Lizzie hides in a room where Mr. Dig is and he then takes a picture of Lizzie to have it signed so he can sell it to his nephew...and niece. Well, putting that aside, Lizzie rants to her teacher how everyone and even her best friends are treating her differently nowadays since the fashion show. 

- Mr. Dig suggests to Lizzie that she should treat them like how a celeb diva would and treat them like dirt. This is to remind them that they are her friends and not her posse. 

Lizzie Brings Out Her Inner Diva

- Gordo and Miranda arrive at Lizzie’s house and Lizzie commences “Operating Superstar Brat” by acting like a total diva towards her friends. She’s even dressed up like one from head to toe. 

Even worse, Gordo and Miranda follow her orders and starts to bark like dogs, albeit their execution was a little sloppy lol.

- Soon after, Lizzie drops her act and tells her friends that they have changed. They clearly realise this and promise to Lizzie that things will go back to normal and they won’t act like her posse anymore. But the problem is, everyone else is still treating her differently. And this is the solution she came up with:

To act like a complete and utter fool on the runway. 

- I have to give props to Lizzie for having the courage to dress up like this and act this way in front of an audience. But if I were her, I wouldn’t want to give up a modeling contract with a popular magazine just because people are acting differently around me. I mean, I would at least give it more time to see if the situation would improve. Most of all, I wouldn’t want to embarrass myself publicly like how Lizzie did here. 

- Also, she didn’t have to include this dumb confrontation between her and Miranda. It just wasn’t necessary.

Y’all didn’t need to fight. The fashion show was already ruined when Lizzie started scratching her butt lol

B-Plot: Matt Goes Shopping

- Sam and Jo brings Matt and Lanny to the hardware/electronics store to shop for things he can get with the $50 gift certificate. Lanny gravitates towards the massage chair but it’s way too expensive. We then get a montage of the boys and Matt’s parents trying out different products at the store to the song, ‘Shopping’ by the Pet Shop Boys. It’s a pretty catchy song if you ask me. 

My favorite part of the montage is when they reference back to the Austin Powers’ villains, Dr. Evil and Mini-Me 

- Matt spots a hammock priced at $75 and he thinks it’s perfect for him. Even though it costs $25 more, Lanny is able to cover the rest because he’s earning money from his website. My question is, what kind of content is in Lanny’s website anyways?

- Back in the Mcguires’ backyard, Matt and Lanny are busy assembling the hammock they just bought but unfortunately for them, they got less than stellar results:

Exhibit A

- They are back at the store again and they want to return the hammock and get a refund. However, the store clerk, who is being a total prick tells them that they can’t get a refund on sale items. Okay fine but he needs to watch his tone when talking to customers. And he even called Sam an ‘old timer’. The disrespect! Sheeesh!

And the award for worst customer service goes to...

- Sam leaves behind Matt and Lanny to talk to the manager and afterwards, we see the two boys doing the absolute right thing by playing a prank on the useless employee who is walking on the treadmill. They proceed to tape his hands onto both handles and increase the speed on the treadmill. I’m not the one to agree with pranking others but this guy really deserved it.

Overall Thoughts

- This is yet again, a very entertaining episode. I love how the story was very Lizzie-centric this time and it did not disappoint. I mean, it was a little outrageous how EVERYONE was acting and treating Lizzie like a total A-lister after appearing in one fashion show. It’s like they assumed that everybody reads ‘Teen Attitude’ magazine.

- It kinda got me to think that maybe after the events of The Lizzie Mcguire Movie, I would assume that everyone at school would treat her similarly because she did perform a hit song in front of millions of people in Italy, which I’m sure it caught the attention of US mainstream media.

- Besides that, the soundtrack of this episode was incredible! I had to look up the songs on YouTube because they were so catchy. Lastly, Matt’s storyline was pretty insignificant in this episode and it didn’t really provide me with anything besides some physical comedy.

[twilight-resonance]

Summery

Been quite a while. Summer’s been busy, three or four ways - haven’t had much time to write, and much of the time I’d’ve normally had to write I’ve been sleeping instead because I’ve been exhausted. Not that much, really - not compared to normal - but after a year-and-more of doing very little, even the bits here and there have been exhausting.

Working - and writing - is hard today because I’ve developed some kind of eye infection, which means no contact lenses for me. It’s better today than it was yesterday, and I can actually use my eyes - I basically just sat around blindfolded all day yesterday - I’m just incredibly nearsighted, so I still can’t see. Like literally my face is a foot away from the screen and that’s about when I can make out the words I’m looking at/writing. So needless to say, my focus is shot. I don’t do well focusing when I can’t see. 

So here’s hoping that doing some journalling, which I could probably use anyway, helps me gather some of that focus together so that I can work. It’s Shut Up and Write right now, so I’m using that time for this. Wasn’t gonna happen otherwise, I think.

Main things from the summer-so-far have been visiting family and running LARP, esp. day camps. We visited Hearthsnail’s sister and BIL and their baby for the latter half of June. Fun fact, we missed our first flight because it  was scheduled for just after midnight, and hence we mistook it as leaving the day after. I managed to get a flight booked for the next day without having to pay for the tickets all over again, and I was grateful for that. Visiting was nice. Being out there with them was the most comfortable in my own skin that I’ve felt in... literal years, and it did me a lot of good. Plus it was nice seeing them again and spending time together, and it was fun meeting Hearthsnail’s niece and playing with her during the day while her parents were working. She’s a smart kiddo, and she’s definitely got some of what BIL’s got charisma-wise - which is to say, she’s a born con artist. But also really sweet. :) 

So that was a nice couple weeks. Among the things done were playing games together at night, some D&D since our usual session happened while we were out there, hanging out by the firepit at night and talking, lighting off fireworks, seeing fireflies and nighttime thunderstorms, walking in the park, and visiting the local zoo. Was nice, all in all. Our sleep schedule was about nine hours off between the time zone shift and the shift from our normal sleep schedule, so that wrecked us pretty hard initially, but that improved (albeit slowly). They also introduced us to a couple of shows we enjoyed and have continued watching upon return, so there’s that too. Overall just chill and spending time hanging out together, which was all we really wanted. 

Came back and had a week to readjust, then I ran a day camp the week after/this last week. Was for FalJL, and it went all right. First couple days were wobbly, second couple were solid, and last day was so-so. Wanted to teach them how to engage with metaphysical bullshit, and got about halfway there. Which is still better than not at all, and is still cobbles down the road. Was tired afterwards, though. Then I had online missions that Saturday, then a regular FalAL event on Sunday (which was great), and now this week. Which is another rest-week before another day camp next week. Then it’s Hearthsnail’s planning week, and then it’s back to school, and just like that the summer’s over. I’m... sad about that, in a lot of ways. It’s been really nice being together all the time for a couple years now, and once he’s back to school that won't be the case anymore. I suppose it’s possible I get a job in his department, but I’m not counting on that too hard given the circumstances (ie, I’m not actually credentialed). 

That is, somehow, a fairly complete summary of what’s been going on since I last wrote. Lots of details I’ve missed, I’m sure. There’s also the “how am I actually doing” question, which is its own thing and not particularly noted in that summary. Other than tired, of course, which is the ever-constant refrain.

(Ahahaha, saved by the power outage. Power’s back on now, obviously, but I’m going to cut off writing here and make some food. Will talk about feelings or whatever other mushy stuff another night.)

[skymoonandstardust]

Your First Date with Steve Rogers

An: As requested by the lovely and amazing @a-girl-who-loves-disney  oy vey . . . this is so long. I'm so sorry, I guess I got carried away. Any who, enjoy :)

After Peggy, and the whole bombshell of being in the future, plus all the time Steve spends saving the world and at shield he never thought he'd find anyone ever again.

but he was wrong. . .

cause he found you obviously.

I don't care about cheesy and cliché-- it was love at first sight (for him at least)  and nothing can convince me otherwise!!

And it only got worse when he talked to you. Yeah, he was pretty much a goner from the first conversation. . .

You were so nice and intelligent and it was impossible for Steve to keep himself from falling for you.

It's a known fact that Steve Rogers has never, ever backed away from doing anything scary or crazy in his life, so of course he out right asks for your number then and there (in a slightly shy kinda adorable way)

Of course you give it to him

He's lowkey internally freaking out cause he's never really had any luck with girls before. They ignored him before he got the serum, so really he's  only been with Peggy . . . and that technically didn't even get to the dating phase. Now suddenly this amazing, stunning girl is giving him her number.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Soldier down. I repeat: soldier is down. 

Anyway, you guys say goodbye  and go your separate ways.

Steve really wants to call or text you later that day, but he gets pulled into a shield mission and it's the next day before he finally does.

Nervious! anxious! super soldier here as he pulls out your number and punches in the string of digits written  on the slightly crumpled piece of paper.  

If anyone asked him later, Steve would admit that pushing the call button was one of the bravest most nerve wracking things he'd ever done in his life.

Would also admit without embarrassment that nothing could ever top it on the nervous scale.

Steve was born in the 1940's so politeness is his middle name. That's why there's ten straight minutes of small talk, first. The gentleman has to  check up on you and ask how you've been cause that's the nice polite thing to do and he doesn't even regret when you talk for five minutes about everything in your life. 

Steve also tells you a bit about how he's been doing, but not too much cause of all that sensitive classified shield stuff. 

FINALLY, he works up the nerve to ask you out.

"I was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with me."

"I'd love to."

"Great! Does Saturday at 8 work for you?"

You say it does and it's one happy captain America who hangs up the phone after saying goodbye.

so so so so happy and  over the moon, but tires to be stoic and keep feelings under wraps.

It doesn't work

He still seems a little more chipper then normal so the rest of the avengers catch on (including Tony) and so they're asking him about it through the day. He keeps trying to brush them off  and pretend nothing's different.

But in the end Steve cracks.

He tells them all about you-- mostly cause they insist on having every detail and knowing everything and oh boy, by the end they do.

Tony and Natasha were especially probing and thorough with the questions.

Seriously, they just didn't stop.

Once they're all satisfied, the avengers get down to  work.

Next mission: Help Stevie with his date.

They all offer suggestions,  opinions and advice. even mild mannered Bruce Banner.

Thor keeps congratulating Steve on "his wooing of the fair maiden"

Clint gives some helpful suggestions and insight, but you know he also couldn't help throwing in a few jokes, a quip here and there, and the occasional sarcastic comment.

Tony would have no  qualms. none. he'd be laughing and joking and congratulating Steve. allllllll the innuendos.  All his advice is kinda lewd and Steve wouldn't do any of it in a million years. It's all shot down, expect for the last one or two which were actually serious. Stark wanted to do a full background check on you, just in case-- and  hey, it might help think of something good to do for the date. Everyone says no. . . and  he does it anyway on the sly (of course he does, this is  tony stark).

Natasha is the most helpful, being her usual serious self and giving real useful opinions.

Banner in a quiet way contributes and is the second most helpful. Throws in like two light jokes and one congrats and is the most chill of any of them.  

In the end Steve decides to take you to the movies.

This is where Tony's background check came in handy cause he could tell Steve what kind of movie you'd like with out Steve having to ask you.

He looks online and sees what movies are playing-- and thankfully there's one you'd like and it's playing not long after he pick you up-- just enough time to go to dinner somewhere then get to the theater.

the rest of the team all helps him, getting the tickets before hand, finding a restaurant-- then Tony handles setting up a reservation there for the right time. They all weigh in on the outfit he picks out  and Steve is really grateful for all their help.   

finally it's the day

Steve drives over to your place on his motorcycle and walks up to your door.

you know he got a bouquet of your favorite flowers and he's just standing there on the front step clutching them like a life line cause he's a nervous supersoldier tm

He's faced down Nazi's and taken down evil organizations but he can hardly handle this.

Your door opens and he's blown away cause your just, so stunning!

And his heart goes !!!!!! when you're literally just wearing a normal top and jeans.

He's so in love and such a sap that he thinks you look perfect all the time. so. . .

It's a minute before he remembers the flowers. Then he does and hands them over to you

"These are for you"

You thank him and go inside to put them in water before joining him outside again.  

"Shall we go?" "We shall."

Thanking your lucky stars that you thought to wear jeans as you climb on the motorcycle. High key freaking out cause you have to wrap your arms around Steve to stay steady and you can feel those abs under his shirt! 

Steve high key freaking out internally cause your arms are wrapped around him and your holding on to him!!

Both kinda sad when you've got to get off cause you sorta want to stay like that. . .

The two of you walk into the restaurant to find that Tony didn't just reserve a table. .  .no, of course not--- he reserved the entire restaurant for an  hour or two so other then you and Steve it's completely empty. and the entire wait staff is just looking after you two.

The host shows you to your table and the two of you sit there staring at your menus feeling awkward.

it gets even worse when you've ordered and you kinda have to talk. . .cause lets be real, even if Steve's now CAPTAIN AMERICA WITH AN INREDIBLE BODY TO MATCH HIS PERFECT HEART AND SOUL, AT HIS CORE, HE'S SITLL THE SKINNY, AWKWARD, SHY KID FROM BROOKLYN WHO NEVER QUIT OR WALKED AWAY FROM A FIGHT. . . so he's not sure how to talk to you?? or what to say???

Finally you break the ice by asking what you're going to do after this, and the two of you end up talking about the movie for a bit. After that the both of you are more comfortable and all the awkwardness and shyness melts away.

The rest of the dinner goes well. Both your meals are delicious and the conversation's smooth and interesting and it's way too soon before you and Steve are paying the bill and walking out the door.

You guys get to the theater and pick up the tickets. . .. and since no movie is complete without snacks and a drink the two of you walk over.

He tells you to pick out whatever you want--it's on him (aw, the gentleman) Buuut since he did all this stuff already you insist and end up paying for both your snacks.

The two of you head into the theater and -- lucky for you--- are able to get seats right in the middle with a good view of the screen.

It's a blast. the two of you talk a bit, watch the the previews and when the movie finally starts, it's great beginning to end.  

the two of you walk out of the theater discussing it and just walk around the city for a bit cause both of you want to prolong this date as much as possible since you like spending time with each other  and you're  pretty sure you're in love with him already. 

ssssssshh but-- Steve is already 100% sure and is pretty much thinking about your future together, and planning it al out in his head already but you didn't hear that from me. . .

Anyway, after about an hour of walking  he drives you back home and the super soldier (being the gentleman he is) walks you to the door (awwww)  and he's not exactly awkward, more hesitant cause he lowkey doesn't want to go and is it ok to kiss you??? You're the one in the end that makes the move, kissing him before saying goodnight and walking inside.

Steve just stands there, smiling at your door for a minute with his hands in his pockets.

When he walks away Steve's already planning your second date. . .and the third.

Steve rogers is a pure, good, kind, angel of a human being and he deserves a love in his life. good night!!

Extra: as soon as he goes into work the next  day the team ambushes him, sits him down and doesn't move till he tells them all about how it went.

They start setting the plans in motion for the next date that very day.

The forevers: @a-sea-of-fandoms @casownsmyass @imadeangirl-butimsamcurious @scarlettsoldier @thatbasicnerd4life @docharleythegeekqueen

Marvel girls: @a-girl-who-loves-disney @kenziecole-green @l4life @padfootsiriusorionblackthethird

[become-the-story]

Le Prodige; Jungkook

Here’s Jungkook’s part for my Gang!AU serie ! Inspired by @hoseokxx answer lol. Enjoy !

Words : 1238

Rated : M for language and violence

Genre : Gang!AU

I apologize for every grammar or spelling mistake, keep in mind that English isn’t my first language ♥

He knew he was talented, and his ego grew bigger and bigger everytime the boss praised him for his good work, annoying all the others, which was really pleasing to him.

Everytime he got a mission, was another chance to show to everyone that he was the best, that he was the prodigy, and that he definitely deserved the ‘future Boss’ title

Today was not special. It was a Saturday night, Jungkook was chilling inside the HQ, playing Overwatch with random people with his bottle of vodka right next to him, when he received a text from Namjoon.

From : Boss

To : Le Prodige 

Yah kid, a new mission is waiting for you and has to be done before 6am tomorrow morning. Some rich bastard is willing to pay us $500k just to kill his son’s girlfriend that is a thread to their family or whatever. Hoseok will send you her exact location in no time. You can do whatever you want, quick, slow, I don’t care, just do it, take a pic and send it to me so we’ll get paid, and I’m sure I don’t need to repeat it but don’t forget to dispose of the body. Don’t deceive me kid.

Boss

He read the text from the corner of the eye, still focused on his game, and smirked while reading the oh so familiar word kill. At the exact same time, the word “winner” was popping on the screen, he had just won his game. Celebrating with yet another shot of vodka, it didn’t take long ‘til his phone was ringing again, but this time it wasn’t his boss, it was Hoseok, the IT guy.

From : Hoseok 

To : Le Prodige

Elisabeth Lee, age 24, receptionist in a poor Motel down the Barn street, in a relationship with TaeHyo Kim, son of the rich JaeHyun Kim. The target is actually on her work place, and will be all night. There’s no cameras and no security system, only 2 guests are written in the registration book so you shouldn’t be disturbed. Be quick, and text me if you need any more infos.

TIME REMAINING BEFORE DEAD LINE : 5:48:12

A poor and innocent girl, in a shitty motel, with barely anyone around ? Now that was something interesting for Jungkook. He picked up his phone from the dark wood desk in front of him and left the room, leaving the screen of his computer lighten up, the word “Winner” still appearing in big letters.

He made his way to the weapons room, meeting his colleague, The Slayer aka Taehyung, casually cleaning his bloody baseball bat, to pick up the things he will need for tonight’s mission. 

Knife, guns, ropes, gloves, gas. This was probably the hardest part of every mission, choosing a weapon. He stood approximately 10 good minutes in the middle of the room, wondering what choice he should make, to finally pick up the simplest gun ever.

“I don’t have a lot of time, I can’t be creative for this one” he murmured to himself, gently caressing the canon of the shiny gun. After that, Jungkook went to the dressing room, picking up some fancy stripped tuxedo and putting it on. He always liked looking good for girls, even if these said girls were going to die few minutes after their meeting with him.

A hour passed and he finally was ready to leave the HQ, his gun hidden in his pants, and his new favorite thing in the world in hand, his bloody bunny mask that Taehyung bought him a month ago, that he never forgets to put on for every murder mission.

TIME REMAINING BEFORE DEAD LINE : 3:39:56

After a long ass ride behind the wheel of one of his many sports cars, Jungkook finally arrived at destination. A small and dark alley, with no one in sight and absolutely no sound.

“It’s going to be as easy as winning arm wrestling against Jimin” he mumbled to himself, approaching slowly but surely the Motel entrance.

When he passed the door, to his surprise, the hall was completely empty, no one behind the desk. Only a little lamp was lighting up the small room, but it was enough to make the little bell on top of the desk shine bright. The boy didn’t lose any time and rang it.

He tapped his fingers impatiently against the warm colored wood waiting for his target to arrive, but when that person actually came out, Jungkook’s heart literally skipped a beat.

A beautiful girl was standing in front of him, not too tall, light brown eyes with long messy black hair. Jungkook probably just woke her up, judging by how she looked and how she was dressed.

“Hi mister, how can I help you?” she asked gently with her eyes still half closed.

But Jungkook didn’t answer. He was still looking at her, with his brows frowned. She was beautiful he couldn’t deny it. But it never stopped him from doing his job before, why couldn’t he just take the gun out of his pants and shoot her right between the eyes like he usually do ?

He awkwardly replaces the vest of his tuxedo before speaking.

“Did I wake you up Miss ?” He asked with a surprising caring voice.

The minutes passed by, and Jungkook couldn’t find the strength to kill her just yet.

TIME REMAINING BEFORE DEAD LINE : 00:28:13

From : Boss

To : Le Prodige

Kid what’s wrong with you ? Where’s the picture ? Isn’t the target at her work place ? Did anything went wrong ? You better hurry the fuck up Jungkook, we can’t let these $500k go away and you know it. I’m counting on you.

Seeing the message of his boss, made him remember who he was. He was a member of the most feared gang of Seoul. He was a murdered, an abductor, a monster. He didn’t deserve to be happy, not after everything he did. He couldn’t live a normal life like every other kid his age. He couldn’t have loving parents that would be proud of him whenever he would come home with good grades, he couldn’t have a girlfriend because he simply didn’t know what love was. He was forced to live this criminal life.

He suddenly stood up from the not so comfy couch of the reception and apologized briefly to the girl.

“I’m sorry for wasting your time Miss, please go back to sleep.”

Without any further talk, the girl bowed to him, and turned around, walking her way back to her room.

She was walking slowly, letting the time to Jungkook to put on his mask, and adjusting the gun, targeting the back of the head of the poor Elisabeth. 

“I’m sorry” Jungkook stated, with a cold voice, making the girl turn around to face him. As soon as her eyes met his, POW, he shot.

TIME REMAINING BEFORE DEAD LINE : 00:14:24:12

He watched the lifeless body for a few minutes, before snapping a picture with his phone, sending it immediately to his Boss, with the caption “Mission completed”

He then sighed, and carried the body to put it somewhere safe, somewhere no one would find her.

In reality, today was a special day, today was the day Jungkook realized, that he would never truly be happy, because he was a monster, and no one could ever change that.

Admin K

[jessicamcrgan]

i’m nobody’s hero—         ft. jessica & justin

Where: Grady Memorial Hospital

When: Saturday, May 20th, 2017 at 2:17pm

Triggers: Abuse, mentions of shooting, gun, blood, surgery 

      “no, you don’t understand, i need that warrant.” the brunette spat out as she held the phone tightly to her ear and paced back and forth. she was frustrated beyond belief, but right now, it was the only thing keeping her afloat. the night had fallen apart at her feet and though she was nowhere near everyone when all hell broke loose at the country club, she was still dealing with her own situation. this was her one chance to take the operation down. it was simple. she got the whereabouts, she’d show up, put an end to it and that would be it. but of course, it was never that easy. there had to be something that made an easy plan fall to pieces, and now she was sorely regretting ever showing up in atlanta in the first place. “i understand i shouldn’t have been there, wilson, but i was. don’t... no, don’t give me that crap. i’ve done more for the atlanta police department in my eight months here alone, then you ever have, so don’t sit there and try to blame me for this.” though, she did blame herself. they got shot because of her. had she just been honest, then things wouldn’t have unfolded the way they have. they wouldn’t be lying a hospital bed right now with a gunshot wound to the chest. it wouldn’t have happened. and though, in a literal sense, she wasn’t at fault, jessica couldn’t help but put the weight of their pain on her own shoulders. “look, i’m not going to ask again, you get me that warrant or this entire fucking case will be shot to hell. so help me god, wilson. if you don’t get it, then he’ll talk and i’m not about to have my cover blown.” again, she spat the words through the phone, getting angrier by the second. “not your problem!? think again. if i go down, i’m dragging the entire APD with me and that includes you, captain. i may not work for you, but i sure as hell work beside you and if this case blows up, i swear to god i’ll make sure your face is the one seen on the news screen. now get me that damn warrant!” without hesitation, jess hung up the phone, not giving him any other choice than to listen to her. she had no real authority over him, so speaking to him like she had, probably wasn’t the brightest idea, but right now, jessica didn’t have a choice. her entire cover could very well be exposed for the entire world to see. thankfully, she had ties with the hospital and getting a warrant for them to keep his admission a secret was easy. they had dealt with cases like this before and so jessica didn’t really worry. what she did worry about was whether or not the person was going to tell the world what they saw happen. after all, they had every reason to and even if she had asked for them to keep it a secret, she couldn’t really wrap her head around the idea of them lying for her.

still, she was hoping it would work out in her favor, despite everything else going on within the last fifteen hours. to make matters worse, just as jess hung up the phone, someone else approached her. “a little birdy told me that you fucked up again.” the words themselves left a bad taste in jessica’s mouth, but when she turned around and caught sight of who they came from, things when from bad to worse. standing there with a smug look on his face was someone she never thought would act this way toward her. then again, what would she expect from the man who faked his death despite loving her? he wasn’t the man she knew any more and though she hadn’t really gotten a chance to move on from it, she definitely didn’t feel the same way as she had before. “risky choice coming here, don’t you think? even with the hood, someone could notice you.” she didn’t bother to give him the satisfaction of knowing she felt bad about this. “no, see, unlike you i actually know how to do my job correctly.” okay, that one stung. it was an insecurity she felt. jess had no idea if she was even good at what she did. she worked her ass off, but sometimes that wasn’t enough. even after all the time spent in the military and all the training she had under her belt, there was still a chance that jessica wasn’t cut out for something like this. not that she’d back down. if there was one thing jess was it was determined. she may have made mistakes along the way but she wasn’t going to let that stop her from doing what she was set out to do. “what are you doing here, justin? come to act like a child when something very serious is going on? that was always your forte, wasn’t it? couldn’t ever leave well enough alone, you just had to shove your nose into everything.” just after she spoke, jess walked right passed him. her arm shoving into his own as she set off toward the other direction. but before she could get anywhere, he was latching onto her, digging his nails into her arm as she tugged tightly onto her. “listen bitch, you don’t walk away from me, do you hear me?” his words were rough and bone-chilling. and as she fought back to pull her arm from him, jess caught sight of dark hues. the man behind those eyes had turned cold and ruthless. it was like he was an entirely different person. he had become so merciless, that in that moment, even she was slightly scared of him, but she refused to say anything. “i came to tell you that you’re done. this case, this town? everything you’re doing, it’s over. i’m sick of watching you fuck everything up, jessica. so why don’t you pack up your shit and let the real officers handle this, or i promise you, i will make the rest of your life working on my case, a living hell.” the scary part about that was that jess didn’t doubt him for a second. he could go through great lengths, and justin’s anger was beyond anyone she had ever known, so there was no telling what he was really capable of.

“do yourself the favor, jess. you’re incapable of doing work like this. all you ever do is get those around you hurt. you’re pathetic. you think you’re some badass because you have a badge and a gun? well here’s some news for you, you’re nothing but the cheap whore who got put on this case because our captain felt sorry for you.” once those words hit, jessica could feel every bone in her body turn to fire. she was becoming furious. since justin had surfaced, the two had done nothing but fight with one another. he hadn’t told anyone about who he was yet, and become jess had blown a mission for him, he tried to stay as far away from her as possible. and now the two of them were like fire and ice. he was the oil and she was the water. they were polar opposites and it was honestly shocking to think that not long ago she was able to say she loved him. now all she felt when she looked at him was disgust. “look at you. you’re weak, jessica. always were always will be. so remove yourself from this case before you fuck up again and get another person shot because trust me, you will. and with you working on this case, all those people you’re trying to save will have no chance. you’re not a hero, jess, so stop acting like one.” it was more of a demand that a clarification. and as the words filled the air, they hit like knives. his voice had risen to new lengths and he towered over her like he was some type of god putting her in his place. but despite how guilty she felt for getting people hurt. and despite how much weight some of his words held, jess couldn’t just let him stand by and say this to her. thus, after a moment, jess forcefully pulled her hand back, feeling her skin ignite was it rubbed against his own like sandpaper. she grimaced at the slight pain, but still stood her ground before him. “let’s get one thing straight. this case doesn’t belong to you anymore. the FLPD thought you were dead, justin. on record, you’re nothing but a missing body rotting at the bottom of an ocean. you ran away from this, so don’t you dare think you can walk in and act like you have any say in this case. you were the coward who decided to kill yourself, rather than taking the mistake like the man you claim to be. so if anyone here is pathetic, it’s you. now before you try making another threat at me, hear this. i will never stand down from this case until it’s closed. it belongs to me now. you lost that chance when you decided you wanted to work alone. so i may not be a hero, but i’m definitely not weak either. so you can take everything you just said and shove it up your fucking ass.” it wasn’t like her to stand up to justin. she had years of training before the police academy, but there was something about him that made her feel smaller than she actually was. and though she could’ve said worse, could’ve been meaner, she wasn’t going to stoop to his level. granted, after she spoke, she couldn’t help the reflect reaction that came and caused her to spit in face like he was scum. ( but to be fair, he was scum. )

however, it was that action that caused him to immediately react by slapping her hard across the face. his hand had sprung forward, vibrating against her skin so forcefully and roughly that she let out a loud gasp and clung to her cheek the minute it processed in her mind. jess had only ever been hit one another time and it was by her father. apart from that, she had never been surrounded by someone who would even think about doing such a thing. which was why she was completely shock and even a little broken to know justin had that power inside him. that he was merciless enough to lay a hand on anyone else. and honestly, she wanted to fight back. however, she held it in. she was strong enough to not let herself lose control. not in a hospital, not with someone she cared about lying in a bed only a few feet away. there was so much more to worry about. so instead, she held her tongue, held onto her pride, and did her best to act like he didn’t just hit her. “we’re done here.” was the final comment before she turned her back to him and headed back into the room. people had always told her to never turn her back toward the person you were fighting, but what other choice did she have. she wasn’t about to stand there and be ridiculed for this. jessica had felt bad enough as it was. she had felt like she failed those around her. like everything she was working so hard for was a complete and total waste. it was a hard pill to swallow and though she didn’t want to take in anything justin was saying, she honestly couldn’t help it. after last night she did feel week. she felt pathetic. she felt like she was failing at being a cop. but she was so passionate about this. she wanted to make her life worth something. growing up, jess was told that she was a lady and ladies sat back and let the world stereotype them as these weak little things who stayed at home bore child. and if that was what a woman wanted, then that was fine. but it wasn’t what she wanted and she wanted to prove to herself and to everyone else that she could become something great. she wanted to take her past of fucking up and getting arrested and turn it around. she wanted her life to mean something... and as much as it hurt to admit it, in this moment, she didn’t feel like a hero. 

it was the first time in awhile where she actually felt worthless, honestly. with justin fading off into the distance, and jess walking back into the hospital room, she felt like she was stuck on this path that was going nowhere. like she didn’t belong here. it almost felt like everything she had done up until now didn’t even matter, because what good was it if she was hurting everyone around her? not just in a physical sense, either. jessica had gotten three people shot in her line of work because she wasn’t good at what she did... and she was lying to good, innocent people. people like jake, liana, connie, seth and so many others. she was keeping this entire secret from them and forming deep and meaningful connection with people who didn’t know who she was. and when it all came rushing in after reality hit the same time justin hit her, jessica felt all the guilt and all the awful emotions she tried to push back, surface. it was like waves of the ocean trying to push her under. she felt powerless and weak. she felt like everything justin had said was true. maybe she wasn’t cut out for this. maybe the girl who wanted to be something bigger than herself, who wanted to change lives and cared so much about making this world a better place, wasn’t meant to be the hero of her own story. maybe jessica was just meant to be the fuck up. the pathetic little girl that even her own mother couldn’t look at. and as jess let the idea of that sink into her mind, she fell into the seat beside the man’s bed and completely fell apart. she lifted her blood stained hands to her face, and broke down. her body felt heavy, her heart and mind was racing and for the first time in what felt like forever, jessica acknowledged the fact that she was nobody’s hero. instead, she felt like she was nothing. 

[lovelydeceitff]

Chapter 1:

**disclaimer: the majority of this story will be from Shay’s POV (It’s my first story idk if I can handle so many POVs lol). Eventually, when needed, I may add POVs from other characters… okay bye, happy reading (;

I’m gonna say the right thing at the right time at the right place.. and you won’t know what to do..

Shay

Being at school 2 weeks early is the worst thing ever when your friends are not there yet. I have a love - hate relationship with being a LEAP counselor. LEAP is a program that my university puts on for students to build skills that will make them successful throughout their college career. I’m here early to train on how to be effective. Think of it as being an RA (resident assistant). Yep. I have to deal with immature freshmen on the regular. I’m just there as a mentor primarily, but me being me I’m gonna end up a good friend of theirs too. That’s fine with me though long as they aren’t too childish. I’m entering my junior year and I definitely don’t want to be annoyed by childish people.

It wouldn’t be too bad if I didn’t have to be here on my birthday. ITS SATURDAY, MY BIRTHDAY WEEKEND and here I am with my one friend, Raven, on campus trying to figure out a move. My actual birthday is on Thursday so I’m celebrating this weekend and next. I’m turning 20. My second decade on earth. I need to be lit. Okay I’m over exaggerating, I have a few friends here but they live off campus. I don’t; I stay in the dorms so I’m lonely if not with Raven. She’s also here early due to being a leap counselor.

I opened up my Twitter and my DMs was first to pop up on my screen for whatever weird reason and my friend Chris’s name was there from old messages of ours. I then remembered that we were supposed to link up when I got back in town. I know he would have something to do so I decided to text him.

See, Chris is one of the coolest guys at my school. A lot of people know him and a lot of people love him. He has a great personality and people usually flock to him. Surprisingly, he’s really to himself. I mean he has a lot of friends. Like actual friends. He parties a lot. But he’s a typical guy - lays low when needed. He also sells weed so, that alone makes him known. He isn’t in a fraternity, nor any other organizations. He built his name based off his personality alone.

7:48pm Shay: CHRIIISSS! What’s up? I’m out here. Let’s hang.

I continued to scroll through Twitter, just to see if anybody posted anything that I could attend. I went back to Chris and I’s DMs because I know they’d make me laugh. He is a flirt and our DMs show that. He slowed down with the flirting after I reminded him that I had a boyfriend. Now he just asks how my relationship is going or just checks up on me if we haven’t talked in a while. If you asked anybody else, Chris likes me. But if you ask me, he doesn’t. Chris and I had a short lived past. When I first got to college, I met him. We started talking up until I got serious with Keith, my boyfriend. We were in a party, I was super drunk and I told him we couldn’t talk on that level anymore. It was so Funny because my drunk self told him it saddened me to leave him alone. It all worked out in the end. We remained friends. Distant friends actually. 8:12pm Chris: What! Shay’s back? Bet. I’m supposed to chill with some friends in a few. I’ll text you the address soon.

Soon to Chris could mean hours… or never.

8:13pm Shai: Okay. Please don’t forget.

8:15pm Chris: I won’t.

“Rae, we got a move! Chris said he’s gonna text me the address of a kickback in a minute.” I yelled out to raven as she sits in my bathroom fixing her hair.

“So, should we get like dressed dressed orrrr?” She asked me.

“Honestly, I have no clue. I think I’m gonna get slightly cute. I think shorts and a nice top or jeans would be cool” I told her.

I went to my closet and attempted to find something to wear. Of course I struggled. It literally took my an hour just to find something I liked. I decided on ripped jeans and a white body suit.

————

I knew it. Chris never texted me the address, if I wasn’t so desperate to turn up I’d just chill in my room with Raven. Ya know, play monopoly or some shit. But nah. I can’t not turn up so I’m gonna call Chris because I’m just about fed up. I hate waiting. Chris is literally the worst texter in texting history.

“Chris wtf, you forgot about me huh?” I said as he answered. “Shay….. chill. I just got here. I didn’t forget. I told you we were gonna hang so we are. I’m about to text you the address, you can come right now.” He replied.

“Alright. Is it far from campus? And I’m with Raven” I said to Chris as my other line started to ring. It was Deja, my other friend who lives off campus. “Hey, hold on REALLY Quick Chris! Hello, Deja?”

“What’s up girl? What you got planned tonight?”

“Chris is about to send me an address now to a kickback. He’s actually on my other line right now” I said to her.

“Okay. I wanna go. I’m with Marvin tho” she said back to me. I immediately rolled my eyes. Marvin is her annoying ass boyfriend. We’re not even gonna get into him right now though.

“Alright bet, I’ll text you the address once I get it. Gotta go Deja, see you in a few.” I clicked over to the other line “hello? My bad. Deja wants to know if her and Marvin can come out”

“That’s fine, just let them know it’s not a party. I know y'all like to juke and shit” he laughed.

“Whatever. I haven’t juked in forever. Text me the address bye” I hung up as I laughed. He’s so annoying.

I texted Deja the address and luckily she lived by the house so I didn’t have to get her. It’s now close to 10:30 so I texted Keith goodnight. I haven’t really talked to him today. Or lately at all. We’ve been very dry in our conversation. I made sure to send a sweet text just so he can sleep with a smile on his face. I love him.

As I arrived to the house, Chris and his friends were sitting on the porch. I approached him and he greeted me with a long, long, tight hug. It was a great hug actually. I haven’t seen him in forever so I guess it was a hug for lost time. He then hugged Raven and Deja and dapped up Marvin. Their greeting wasn’t nearly as long as mine. He hasn’t seen either of them in a while also. He told us we could go in the house, but we’d probably be leaving soon to go somewhere else. As we went inside Deja looked at me and laughed. I asked her what was so funny.

“I seen that Shay.” She said to me. I asked what she’s talking about. “Shay, that hug. Chris likes you girl. I don’t know why you can’t tell. I didn’t even tell you he asked about you a few weeks ago”

“Why’d he ask about me? What’d he say?”

“He just asked about you girl, relax. You need to be careful hanging with him forreal. Chris is gonna get you in trouble” she said referring to my relationship.

I laughed, “no he isn’t, I’m the only person who could get me in trouble. He knows I have a boyfriend. Chris and I are just friends.” She didn’t care what I was saying. Deja is always right and she knows it. She’s like a psychic, not kidding. This girl is never wrong. But in this case, she is. And she’s gonna see that tonight.

In the house, we were clearly bored. There was like 6 people outside, 4 inside not including the people I came with, and other people who were leaving. Chris came in and spoke with us because we’re sort of his guest. We tried to play water pong, but the people before us lost the damn ball. So we’re just sitting here looking silly. Raven is next to me on her phone. Deja and Marvin are being caked. Chris is in a chair near me talking with these guys. He’s dressed in all black today. I can’t lie the color has me a little weak. He looks good af today. I mean really good. I caught myself staring a few times. To my surprise he didn’t even notice. After about 20 minutes of being at the kickback. We left and followed Chris and his guys to another kickback. This kickback actually looks like it has potential. These two whirs girls threw it. You can tell it was on a whim. When we got there they were pulling out the water pong table and a guy with bottles came in.

My type of party. If there’s no alcohol, how am I gonna loosen up?

I asked Chris if we were able to drink those bottles. He went to the kitchen and brought out both a bottle of Apple New Amsterdam and some other stuff I didn’t care for. I chose the New Am. Chris was delighted. He said it’s his favorite drink. We immediately took a shot. All of us. Raven, Chris, and I basically had that bottle to ourselves because Marvin already had his own liquor. A disgusting four loko.

After a while, I started feeling my liquor. Not too much. I wasn’t even tipsy. I just was feeling it. I needed to be around more people I knew. So after consulting with my right hand man, Raven, I decided to invite our old pal Vee. Surprisingly she was with my boyfriends best friend so that was even better. They ended up coming out and that made me feel so much more comfortable. I can be shy sometimes.

At one point in the KB (kickback), Chris came to sit next to me and we talked. At this point it was obvious he was giving me extra attention. I still thought nothing of it because Chris is social in general and come on… I’m his guest. Mid-conversation, all I remember is me stopping what I was saying and telling him he didn’t want to hear me talk this much.

That statement came from Keith and I’s issues. I talk A LOT. As I grew up, I learned to control it. I actually do pretty well. I know when I’m talking too much now, ya know rambling about nothing. But, no matter what I would say Keith would stop me in the middle of my sentence and say something along the lines of “OKAY Shay.” When he didn’t want to hear me talk anymore. It messed with me every time because I would barely be saying much. We’d be holding a conversation and he’d stop me from talking. Yet, I would have just listened to him say everything he wanted to say. I would feel shut out. So to change that, I reduced the the things I had to say to a minimum or I wouldn’t talk much at all. After telling Chris that what I was saying was a waste of his time, he said something that made me realize how unhappy I was in my relationship.




"No no.. I want To hear what you have to say. I enjoy hearing you talk Shay. Finish...

I haven’t been told that before so it caught me off guard. To be honest, I wanted to cry. Sounds weird to want to cry from that but it was something I’ve been wanting to hear from Keith. I love to talk. To hold conversations. I hate feeling like I can’t. So for Chris to want to listen really shocked me. It was foreign to me.

We continued to talk until we decided to play water pong. It was his idea, we partnered up and played against Deja and Marvin. We made a good team lol he was really good and I wasn’t bad myself. We strategized as if we were gonna win a trophy in the end. Chris showed me so much attention during the game which confused me completely. He touched my lower back. Softly touched my arms. At one point I was against the wall with his arms and hands touching the walls behind me while he was in front of me. We were close. Just talking about the game, it was completely innocent. But I felt it. It was there, something strange. I couldn’t understand. He was flirting with me. I couldn’t stop him either. If I did I’d end up making it obvious to Keith’s best friend who was sitting on the couch not paying us any mind.

After the game I tried my best to avoid close contact with Chris. I went as far as sitting with Deja Raven and Vee to try to make it seem like us girls just wanted to talk alone. He came by me again though. But attention wasn’t solely on me this time which was cool. I almost ended up in the bathroom with him alone. I was about to pee, but he asked if he could rinse his finger because he cut it. At one point we were both in the bathroom taking care of his bleeding pointing finger. I started to feel nervous so I got out of there once I could. I didn’t understand this feeling that was coming over me or where it was coming from. Chris doesn’t make me nervous. Yea, he’s flirting with me. Big deal. I get flirted with a lot. It doesn’t phase me but for some reason it made me feel a type of way this time. 

 The night started to come to an end. Everything started to die down. I realized I needed to leave when Chris friend came and sat next to me and my friends and asked what we were about to do. He asked me, “Aren’t you going home with Chris?” I quickly said no. He was drunk. I assumed he seen us flirting and just thought that’s what I’d be doing. I’m sure that’s what normally happened after parties. Chris brings home a girl. Not this girl though. 

After my friends left, Raven and I prepared ourselves to go. Chris walked us to our car which was across the street. I said something about the gym and he felt the need to begin complimenting me.

 “Why do you need to go to the gym? You look fine… I mean you look really fine Shay” I then begin to explain to him that you don’t have to feel fat to want to practice a healthy lifestyle.

 “I’m just saying you look good how you are. You’re already small. You had guys asking me if you were single in there. You’re beautiful. You don’t need a gym.” He continued ranting. 

He was drunk. I was getting annoyed. I hate when people tell me I shouldn’t go work out. I did gain weight, but I’m not fat. I know I look fine but damn a girl can want some abs right? 

 After we wrapped up our convo. He hugged Raven and I goodbye and told me to text him when I got in. I did exactly what he said and let him know I had a great time and thanks for inviting me. 

I laid in my bed and began to recap the night. See, Keith doesn’t like to go out. Like at all. He’s not a people person and parties aren’t his thing. I’m the total opposite. I’m super outgoing and if there’s s party you can bet I’m there. I don’t mind Keith not being like me, it’s never phased me. I would love to party with the love of my life sometimes though. That could be why I was so nervous to be around Chris. Yes, cause he was flirting and I felt something. But also because I don’t have too much experience partying with someone that interested in me. I normally push people away and continue partying with my girls when I’m out. I have a boyfriend, there’s no need for any guy to get too close to me. I guess I allowed Chris because he was drunk and he’s my friend. I didn’t want to embarrass him. He’d never act that way if he was sober. Chris is really the most respectful guy I know when it comes to my relationship. This was the only time he stepped out of bounds. I didn’t think about it too much longer. Sober Chris will apologize later. 

2:26am Chris: I’m glad you had a good time. We’ll hang again no worries. Goodnight Shay 😌

[s0022795a2film]

Creative Investigation R - Collated Quotes

GENERAL / COUNTER

2: “Most of the Poe films I made in America were written by Dick [Richard] Matheson. I have to give credit to him- some of the ideas were mine, but many of them were his.”

2: “I can’t say that I was influenced by Hammer or Mario Bava when I started making Poe films because I hadn’t then seen any of their films. However early in the Poe cycle I saw a Mario Bava film- I think it was Black Sunday- which was very good. It was because of that we hired Barbara Steele for Pit and The Pendulum (1961).”

4: “They were kids, and kids are cheap… This quickie, no-frills approach… helped launch the directing careers of Martin Scorsese, Francis Ford Coppola, Jonathan Demme and James Cameron, and the acting ones of Jack Nicholson, Sylvester Stallone, David Carradine and Sandra Bullock.”

5: “Or, as articulated by Paul Bartel, who directed the cult hit Death Race 2000 for Corman in 1975, “Roger’s operation is an exploitation operation on almost every level: He exploits directors, he exploits writers, he exploits people in the crafts who are trying to get established. But we are also exploiting Roger.””

5: “It’s difficult to imagine The Little Shop of Horrors finding cult success—or even coming to be—without Griffith’s multitasking involvement. (He reportedly received $800 for the screenplay.) By most accounts, the slapstick of Little Shop and A Bucket of Blood hews much closer to Griffith’s goofball sensibility than to Corman’s serious, engineering approach.”

5: “I believe in [auteur theory] 75 percent,” Corman responds, weighing his words with typical precision. “I do not believe, as the true auteur theorist believes, that the director is the sole maker of the film. I think film is a collaborative process and I would put together the writer, the director, and the producer all joining as a joint auteur of which the most important probably is the director.”

6: “One sequence [for Little Shop] that greatly helped turn the film into a cult favorite featured an utterly inspired bit of black humour by an actor I would behind using more regularly- Jack Nicholson.”

6: “It was an ensemble of Corman ‘regulars’ that kept the mood informal and spirited. I simply called people I knew and cast actors I had used before and could rely on. They all came through. Nobody took it, or themselves, too seriously, and they gave sharp, animated performances.”

7: “When I asked [Corman] how he would best like to be remembered- as a writer, a director or a producer, he told me: ‘I would say that I would like to be remembered as a filmmaker, that I simply have made motion pictures.’”

7: “His former protégé Martin Scorsese put it perfectly when he said: ‘Roger Corman is not only a great mentor. He’s an artist, the best kind of artist, able to nurture and inspire talent in a generous way.”

10: “Corman’s career may be the closest thing there is to a through-line of the past sixty years in Hollywood. He revolutionized independent cinema, he was the first person to recognize a previously untapped teen audience and then exploit the hell out of it, and he brought a Barnumesque huckster’s flair for showmanship to the marketing of his movies, hyping them with eye-popping posters and rat-a-tat trailers.”

10: “He also distributed art house imports by foreign auteurs like Federico Fellini, Akira Kurosawa, and Ingmar Bergman when no one else dared to, helping to broaden the palate of American moviegoers.”

11: “…Corman can boast of extraordinary merits both as a director or a producer. In 1964, he became the youngest American director to be given a film retrospective at the prestigious Cinématèque Française in Paris. In 2008, one of his directorial efforts - House of Usher - was selected for preservation in the National Film Registry by the Library of Congress.���

12: “By mistake, he sometimes made a good picture every once in a while.” [Jack Nicholson]

12: “Nobody knows what the plot of The Terror is.”

12: “These films would be made on your street corner in a way. They weren’t encumbered with having to deal with art… they’re art in another way.” [Martin Scorsese]

GENRE

1: “Most of his nearly 200 movies were shot in a matter of days, almost hours, on skintight budgets, and they had outlandishly lurid titles like A Bucket of Blood, Attack of the Crab Monsters and Stakeout on Drug Street. They tended to pander to drive-in double bills and rarely reached the screens of first-run metropolitan theaters.”

1: “Over the past 27 years he has used his keen commercial instincts not merely to follow trends but to explore entire genres of movies—sci-fi, psychedelic, plus, of course, biker, gangster and horror. Or perhaps exploit them. But in the process, he has single-handedly nurtured more future artists of film than probably the whole television industry.”

2: “When I work with young directors I tell them that you always have to have a theory about your film. It helps if the theory is right, but it’s almost as good if it’s wrong.”

3: “The human brain cannot tolerate a steady diet of high-class entertainment. This is a proven scientific fact, and it is the reason that Roger Corman is still around after 40 years of cranking out low-budget shockers like “The Pit and the Pendulum,” “Not of This Earth,” “A Bucket of Blood” and “She Gods of Shark Reef.””

4: “Though Corman, now 90, made lots of horror films, he didn’t just make horror films. For one very good reason. “Horror films always do well,” he says. “But in cycles. One horror film will do well, and people will make lots of horror films, saturate the market until there are too many horror films and people will slow down making horror films. And then it’ll start up again.””

4: “Corman’s films define the crucial distinction between trash – quirky, low-budget films shot to make a few bucks and have some fun – and garbage: the mass-produced slop that comes out of Hollywood. Trashy films are ironic, sophomoric, nutty and exhilarating, with inspired names such as The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent; garbage films serve as halfway houses for connected comics now furloughed from Saturday Night Live.”

5: “Roger Corman invented the horror-comedy. Or, if he didn’t, he’s still willing to take credit for the hybridized genre that includes his features…”

5: “For the record, he claims he never saw Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948), a potential early candidate for the horror-comedy marriage…”

5: “According to Corman, the idea for the blending of horror and laughs—dark comedy—emerged in a screening for one of his earlier horror films.”

6: “My work in low-budget exploitation films would eventually earn me some notoriety as ‘The King of the B’s’, which is ironic, since, to my way of thinking, I never made a ‘B’ movie in my life.”

7: “Corman then capitalised on the success of the blend of horror and gallows humour that had given Not of this Earth an entertaining impact over and above its genre parameters by making the three out-and-out black comedies that marked a major change in his output and helped made him ‘respectable’ in the eyes of critics…”

6: “It’s been suggested that Creature from the Haunted Sea is my most personal film… it’s got my favourite ending of all- a last scene I invented on a whim and literally phoned to Chuck Griffith from Puerto Rico… ‘We have always killed off out monsters with fire, electricity, floods, whatever,’ I told Chuck. ‘This time, the monster winds. The final shot in this picture,’ I insisted, ‘is the monster sitting on the chest of gold at the bottom of the ocean floor. The skeletons of all the people in the picture are scattered around him and he’s picking his teeth. That’s it. The monster wins.’”

8: “I don’t know who came up with the idea for a black comedy. I might have, it might have been an original idea of mine, but I’m sure somebody had done it before.” [Roger Corman]

8: “I then kind of worked out some vague psychological theory, which I still believe in to a certain extent, that horror and humour... are very similar. In each case, you build up the tension, you build it up and up and up, and then you break it. If you build it the right way and you break it the right way, you get a scream from horror, you get a laugh from humour…” [Roger Corman]

8: “Roger likes a movie to be about something, he likes it to literally have a meaning, not just ‘oh, this would be fun to do a monster movie’, but what kind of monster movie and if you like, what does the monster symbolise? What is this monster really about?”  [Francis Doel]

9: “Genre to me is very important… You’re not working with a star. On a big picture with a star, you’re free to do many things that you wouldn’t do on a low-budget picture because the star sells the picture.”

10: “[Roger Corman on audience] AIP realised they were in the B-movie business from the beginning. Over time, it became clear that our audience was the youth audience and we began tailoring our films to that. What was normally done was that we took something out of the headlines and grafted it onto a science fiction/monster movie premise. So right from the beginning we were either ahead of the curve or right on the curve of what teenagers were interested in.”

11: “While many giant monster movies… aim at a mere thrill-and-chill spectacle of mayhem and devastation, Attack of the Crab Monsters also tries to convey a deeper meaning to the audience. “As far as this being an end of the world picture, I would say that the philosophical and psychological considerations were there,” claims Corman.”

11: “…it is an allegory of nuclear folly, a microcosm of what might occur on a larger scale if humanity does not reign in its violent nature. It is at bottom a cautionary tale.”

11: “Ridiculous as [Attack of the Crab Monsters] may seem at first glance, its message matches the anti-militaristic trend in the 1950s science fiction.”

11: “It Conquered the World can easily be interpreted as an anti-Communist film… However, Corman himself does not clarify whether It Conquered the World is an anti-Communist film or not, focusing on the ambivalence of science when commenting on the film…”

STYLE

1: “Ron (Happy Days) Howard, whom Corman initiated into directing with Grand Theft Auto in 1977, remembers the time he asked for just one extra half day to reshoot a scene: “Roger told me, ‘Ron, you can come back if you want, but nobody else will be there.’ ”

1: “More characteristic of the Corman modus operandi is The Raven, a horror satire he shot because an appropriately moody old set was still standing and he hated to see it go to waste. On a Sunday too rainy for tennis, he sat down, scribbled a screen treatment and nabbed Vincent Price and Boris Karloff, who were just finishing up another picture for him, for two days’ work. At lunchtime the next day, he threw in Nicholson. Coppola, then an assistant to Roger, shot some scenes; Nicholson ended up directing a few more; and the picture was finally completed on yet another discarded set.”1: “He is not, however, recanting his view that today’s damn-the-expense, $30 million films are positively sinful. ‘With that money,’ he says, ‘you could reconstruct the slums of a major city. It’s morally offensive.’”

2: “I believe Poe was working with the unconscious mind, which is not aware of external reality… So for the Poe films I thought I should stay away from reality and shoot everything inside a studio, where I could create my own effects, my own unreality.”

3: “Make no mistake, Mr. Corman has not abandoned his roots and gone upscale. The 13 films have budgets of about $1.5 million each, compared with an average of about $32 million for a Hollywood studio film. The whole package was shot in less than six months.”

4: “The original idea [for Death Race 2050] came from a short story by Ib Melchior,” says Corman. “I felt that the idea was good but that it had to be developed. So I added the political element.”

5: “Both [A Bucket of Blood and Little Shop of Horrors] were written by frequent Corman collaborator Charles B. Griffith and shared numerous key crew members and actors; both productions were shot at Chaplin Studios (later A&M Records, now Henson Recording Studios) on La Brea Avenue near Sunset Boulevard.”

5: “A multiple-camera setup was a hallmark of the rapidly produced television sitcom, and Corman applied the thrifty approach to feature filmmaking with obvious success.”

6: “On a distant location you can’t afford to fly actors from Hollywood for every small part, so members of the crew and I often played the bit roles.”

6: “I ended up with a ‘trilogy’ of black comedies: A Bucket of Blood, then Little Shop and finally Creature from the Haunted Sea… With these pictures I put together some of the most definitive elements of my style: quirky plots built on somewhat gruesome premises; fast cutting and fluid camera moves; composition in depth; unconventional, well-sketched characters; and solid performances from the ensemble of ‘Corman players’.”

6: [about A Bucket of Blood] “Everyone was coming up with ideas as we went and we just tossed them in.”

6: “And the shoots themselves- three films done in a total span of two weeks- demanded an unprecedented kind of sprinting intensity from the director that provided its own loose, crazy highs just to keep it all flowing together.”

7: “Producer Corman would have been wiser merely to suggest the creature, rather than construct the awesome-looking and mechanically clumsy rubberized horror. It inspired more titters than terror.” [Variety on It Conquered the World]

8: “Roger had a real style… he liked to move the camera a lot, which was impressive, and even though sometimes the camera would merely tip over and he wouldn’t do another take, it was still a lot more fun than watching some of the big budget stuff that was coming out…” [Joe Dante]

8: “One of the things about working for Roger is that you learnt to function under great adversity, like this dog that’s barking now? You know, in a Roger Corman movie, you just find a cutaway of a dog somewhere, you’d stick it in so you could use the sound.” [Joe Dante]

9: “As an engineer, I work differently. I took as if I were above the set. I would draw the set, then I would draw the movement of the people, so it was more like an engineering plan, and from that I could visualise where I would be.”

8: “I can remember being on a Roger set. Everything was fast and furious, as they say, yes, he moved, moved, moved, and would only retake a shot if something really went wrong.” [Bob Burns]

8: “Sometimes when you’re limited your imagination takes you farther in order to conquer the problem.” [Roger Corman]

9: [On filmmakers he admired] “Of the American directors, probably John Ford, Howard Hawks, and Alfred Hitchcock of course was English then became American. And the director I admired most was the old silent film director from Russia Eisenstein. His picture Battleship Potemkin I believe is one of the most significant films ever made…. He was the first to utilise every technique or bag of tricks that directors have today. Griffiths gets credit for the closeup, but in my mind, Eisenstein gets credit for putting it all together.”

10: “Corman wasn’t much of a stylist at first. He was working too quickly for that to even be a consideration.”

11: “He was a maverick director forced to operate outside mainstream Hollywood, hence the theme of exclusion. In the 1960s. his political views started turning left and so did his films.”

11: “There seems to be no clear-cut pattern which would explain why some of his films are stylistically admirable whereas others are not. The outcome seems to be independent of the budget, the schedule, the genre, or the crewmembers Corman worked with. The problem might therefore lie in the director himself… one thing is certain: once Corman reached a higher artistic level, he was unable to maintain it.”

REPRESENTATION OF FEMALES

1: “His corporate family now totals 150, many of them women whose careers Roger has encouraged, including his executive VP, Barbara Boyle, his story editor, Frances Kimbrough, and director Stephanie Rothman. As Talia Shire puts it: ‘The beauty of working for Roger is that you start out answering the telephone and two weeks later you’re reading scripts and scouting for locations. It beats the hell out of going to Yale Drama School.”’’

3: “Moral statement? It’s highly unlikely that viewers will be tuning into “The Alien Within,” “Bram Stoker’s Burial of the Rats” or “Piranha” for uplift. The Corman message tends to be practical rather than moral.”

6: “Several of those films had strong, assertive women leads. I do believe in the feminist movement, but I can only take partial credit for the themes here.”

10: “The first time I met Roger Corman… it was 1971 and I was trying to convince Mr Corman to finance a film I’d just written, an extremely low-budget parody or extremely low-budget ape-man movies… He was complimentary about my screenplay, but felt it was too short and would benefit from several added scenes where the Missing Link character would encounter bare-breasted women. At first I thought he was kidding, but soon I understood he was not. [John Landis]”

11: ‘A real tribute to gender role reversal and female strength is paid by Corman in... The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent… the females put a rescue mission to the vote… it establishes the women as skilled and strong warriors and their society as open and democratic. Having decided in favour of the rescue operation, the females build a longship from scratch, proving they are equally proficient at typically male activities.”

11: “Though he did exploit popular topics, their role was usually limited to the following: they either constituted an attractive element vaguely relevant to the film’s plot… or served as a framework or context for stories about exclusion or female empowerment… This does not mean Corman cynically used these topics to lure audiences to the cinemas and make his films profitable.”

COMBINATION

9: “I’ve been very strong on the Liberal side, but I made a point after The Intruder… I felt that I had to approach this differently. I could not make an overtly liberal or left picture. What I should do is make a picture that is entertainment, and underneath subtextually, is a little bit of thought on my part. It might be political, it might be psychological, it might be personal…”

11: “Drawing considerable aesthetic inspiration from classic expressionist horror films, classic Universal horror films, and classic literary horror stories, Corman creates a gothic horror series which is almost perfect visually, in which every shot or sequence conveys a feeling of nearly palpable menace.” [Genre and style]

12: “Roger really realised that young people at that time really liked films where teenagers were in trouble with the authorities. He had found an audience that you didn’t have to go through the studio system to reach.”

12: “I’ve always been anti-establishment. I spent two years in the Navy, those were the worst two years of my life. I came very close to setting the record for the most demerits, because I felt if they set up a rule, I really must break that rule.” [Roger Corman]

12: “Roger understood the need for audiences to identify with rebellion, beating the system. That’s cathartic. Defining yourself by your own terms… He was talking to a young audience.” [Ron Howard]

[bryanllamado]

Solaire Escapade

Hi y’all! I just got back from Manila 2 days ago (as of writing) and it feels great to be home. If you follow me on my social media accounts, you might have been hinted that I went to Solaire–an established hotel in the Metro–with my college friends. I haven’t posted much about the trip yet–aside from tweeting a few photos or updating my story on Instagram or my day on Messenger (well, I uninstalled Snapchat for good)–and it is evenhanded to write about the trip, through this entry obviously. Basically, I went there as a part of Dairen’s birthday celeb (and I am one lucky boy).

Before you read this entry, (I want to share to you that) I was supposed to title this entry with Dairen at 18 | 02 but I made way for the stated label to highlight that this entry is about travel. I’ve been through a couple of hotels already and I have to say that Solaire has given me the best check in experience so far–not to mention that this is a first time for me. #achievementunlocked My friends and I stayed there for 3 days and 2 nights (a luxury in itself) which is just the right time to chill and relax before a new semester begins. Let’s all revisit our first Solaire escapade in 3… 2… 1.

011517 – 011717

After enrollment for the 2nd semester (12th, Thursday), I went out with my boo to see the film Nerve–which is based from the novel of the same name. I went home and since I was tired for 2 days in a row, going to school for enrollment and dormitory matters, I went to bed early. The following day (13th, Friday), I woke up to a myriad of new messages from our block’s group chat and a personal message from Dairen–who celebrated her birthday that week (11th, Wednesday)–informing me about an apparent trip to a hotel in Manila and asking me if I’ll join the squad.

It goes something like this: we’re invited to join her to Solaire as a part of her birthday celeb for 3 days and 2 nights with free accommodation and pool access although we’ll be staying only in a single room and will be bringing food with us. I was (quite, but not really) ambivalent towards it–first, that’ll be a long stay out of town; plus, I don’t think I have enough budget to survive in the city–but a part of me screams, ‘minsan lang to, grab the opportunity na!’ It is a treat from her elder sister’s aunt so we’ll be having everything for free (aside from transpo and food). Told you, I am one privileged boy.

I told my parents about the trip and they indirectly answered me by asking details about the stay. Technically, I did everything (take it literally, kailangan ng pampa-good shot) to make them say yes and so they did. I started packing my bags on Saturday night and to my excitement–mixed with anxiety–I wasn’t able to get a good night sleep but managed to get up early the next day. From time to time, I checked our group chat for reminders since I’m not used to packing my bags for long travels (especially this time that I’m vaulting to Manila without the parentals). There are 2 groups which traveled to Parañaque: first was our group–Dairen, Anne, Nica, T. Annie, Kuya Ariel, baby Xander and I; second was the Imus peeps–Tin, Cindy and baby Jacob. Our group left first thing in the morning on Sunday while the latter one arrived in the evening.

Day 1 – 15th of January – Sunday

I was about to leave the house when my parents started a conflict on who will give me the pocket money (but my dad gave in eventually). I went to Robinsons Dasmariñas to meet my friends and before we take the ride, we heard mass at Victory. We catch the bus ride to Baclaran; took the shuttle to MoA (Mall of Asia)–where we stopped for a while to grab lunch but did not because the place is too crowded; grabbed a taxi to Solaire. It took us around 2 hours to reach Parañaque. We reached the hotel in time but we weren’t able to check in on time so we strolled for a while at the Casino and food court (where we met Dairen’s sister and her sister’s aunt).

We checked in and climbed to Room 914 only to see a breath-taking view of Manila Bay by the room’s glass windows. Everything is well crafted–from beds, to closet to the comfort room–and the hotel service is outstanding. I am impressed by the hotel’s grandiose interior design and every single detail is shaped to perfection (talk about picture-perfect relaxation). We unpacked our bags and dined for our late lunch meal–of course, we brought food. We spent the day watching TV, indulging in the place’s extravagance and enjoying each other’s company. The internet connection is as fast as the speed of light (no exaggerating) so I managed to post a couple of photos on Instagram during or first day of stay.

Since we have not much of stuffs to do, Nica, Anne and I decided to try the pool–which is located at the 2nd floor–for a quick night swim (which is quite traumatic, as we felt unease by the waters). After a while, the Imus group arrived and we went back to the room to welcome them. #complete It is a part of our plan to have a movie marathon or play Uno cards on the first night but unfortunately, the TV unit is not cooperating with us (spoiler alert: there’s a not-so-big problem about the TV). #toberevealed To end our first day of stay, we talked to catch up on each other’s shenanigans instead–more like heart to heart talk, if that’s what you call it, with the help of spin the bottle.

We brought along an enough quantity of food for all of us so we managed to share what we have. We visit the Casino every once in a while to get water and drinks (discovered their iced tea and iced coffee–superb). I maximized my time–to take photos and videos of the place–and experience the elaborate structure of the place. I’m impressed in general (compared to my previous hotel experiences) and I’m the one who talks over the phone every time we ask for assistance and/or room service–much to my delight. I checked my blog before hitting the sheets; we arranged ourselves to maximize the room: T. Annie’s family on one bed, Cindy, Jacob and Nica on the other and Anne, Dairen, Tin and I on the floor. *snores*

Day 2 – 16th of January – Monday

I woke up to a sound and light morning but for some odd reasons, I greeted the morning on a bad mood (well, I hate mornings in general). They gathered on the floor to play Uno but I didn’t join them for I’m out of (this world) character to begin with. Dairen’s sister brought us breakfast: hotdogs, shanghai rolls, adobong posit, *other masarsa and chicken-ish viands* and a lot of rice. We ate breakfast together and it is a pleasure to experience a morning with them. Our room became a bit messy–on the fact that we brought a lot of bags and foods with us–so we called for room service while some of us roamed around the hotel and others went out to dip in the pool.

Nica and I left to get water and coffee while T. Annie and Dairen also went to the ground level (nagkasalisi, ika nga). Since we can’t access the pool all at once, we went by batch; T. Annie, Kuya Ariel and Dairen swam in the morning while Cindy and Nica dropped by MoA to get swimwear for the 2 baby boys. Anne, Tin and I were left in the room to take care of Jacob and Xander–a time that made me feel excited for parenthood (pero hindi pa ngayon). I was lying on top of baby Jacob–with my elbows pressed on the bed by his sides–when he decided to pee (right on the bed! Haha). #bestfeeling The room service finally arrived and it turns out that we are using the wrong remote control for the TV unit; anyway, the service crew had it fixed and we saw Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children and Suicide Squad that afternoon.

While seeing the movies on screen, the room service for cleaning arrived and Tin, Nica and I decided to try the pool. We did a bit of the habitual photo shoot before heading to the pool (may I just say: jetlag is real sa elevator from 9th floor to 5th floor and/or from 5th floor to pool mga bes–take it from me). We went down to the 2nd level only to find out that we can’t access the pool anymore–since some of us have tried it earlier and the crew is insisting that we have the wrong name of our room owner. (We got quite pissed so) We just decided to go back to our room and see movies. To take my stress away, I strung out on social media–updated snaps and blog and pulled my Instagram. T. Annie’s family left that night as well; they deserved the break and it’s glad to have them watch over Dairen. *smiles*

When the night came, Cindy, Tin, Nica and I gave the pool another try (as Cindy was also denied from the pool that morning) and luckily, the odds went on our favor. We arranged for a relaxing night swim–though the water is unexplainably cold–and went back to the room to wash ourselves. We grabbed dinner together and decided to push through with our movie night. We saw 3 more films that night: Mother’s Day, Insidious Chapter 3 and Now You See Me 2 (I’ve seen all of them before so I only managed to catch some scenes). We also had a series of Facebook Live videos where we got the chance to chat with our friends and let them know about how we are doing during the stay. Since we’re watching a horror movie that time, Dairen, Anne, Nica, Tin and I slept in one bed (with our bodies curled) and Cindy and baby Jacob slept comfortably on the other.

Day 3 – 17th of January – Tuesday

I packed my bags the night before–with the nostalgic feeling despite being in the place still. I woke up to a great morning; turns out that I’m the last to wake up. The energy and vibes are all positive but the fact that we’ll be leaving Solaire distressed me (ang lala ng sepanx, tbh). I got up and grabbed some items that I could bring home like toiletries and instant coffee/tea. We saw Fifty Shades of Grey (yes, you read it right) and Ouija while some of us are prepping up, packing our bags and still sluggish on bed. Since we have finished out all the foods that we brought, we only had snacks and chocolates for breakfast. We are supposed to check out of our room by lunch time; taking the last look and glimpse of our room felt sore on my part.

We went down the lobby to find out that we have extra fees to pay–the telephone (which we have used for a limited time). We decided to leave our bags at the counter and strolled around the Casino and food court. We grabbed drinks and stayed until the time when the Solaire shuttle will be leaving for MoA. We got to the shuttle; seeing Solaire (and imagining our room on the 9th floor from the ground, slowly disapprearing in the background) felt surreal–our 3 day stay in Manila has come to an end. We reached MoA and ate lunch together at Mang Inasal where I had another legit Pork Sisig fix. We wandered around the mall in search for pasalubongs to our families.

We catch another ride home–a van this time–to The District Imus and back to Robinsons Dasmariñas where Dairen and I grabbed the bus ride. My friends were very reminiscent of our stay as they talked about all the funny (and epic) moments that we had during those 3 days–most of which are embarrassing. I was quiet during the entire 2 rides; guess I was sad (but extremely happy at the same time, di lang obvious!) since we’ll be parting and I could feel the exasperation from leaving Solaire until now. #nakakamiss Me: *texts EXTEND to 8888* Plus, I wasn’t able to try the bath tub (which my friends indulged in for long durations). Di bale na, may next time pa naman. *winks*

That’s it! Our first ever Solaire escapade is indeed memorable; had a lot of first times and #achievementunclocked moments throughout the trip. The memories I had in the place will not drift away for a while and in fact, I miss the place already. What a good way it is to end the term break with a banger–a trip out of town. Now, it’s time to save more moolah for more travels and more kwento. #wheretonext In the meantime, a new semester is on its way. I can’t wait for the next travel with my friends, can’t wait to know where our feet will lead us together. I definitely missed home but leaving Solaire gave me a lot of feels–I shall return.

Thank you Solaire for the good memories!

Thank you to Mr./Ms. Rolland and Rose Carreon (Dairen’s sister’s aunt) for the free accommodation!

Thank you to T. Annie’s family, to Cindy & baby Jacob, to Tin, Nica and Anne for accompanying me throughout the stay!

Thank you Dairen for inviting me to join the squad! Happy birthday!

Thank you Lord for guiding us all during the course of our stay!

PS. I hope you enjoyed reading this entry as much as I enjoyed writing it. But wait, here’s a video that I created to share with you how it feels to be in the place. Happy watching!

Till the next blog entry! – Bry. x 011917

[datingadviceonreddit]

Okay, I just want to start out by saying that I suffer from extreme depression as well as anxiety, and this current fucking situation has caused me to snap. I need some goddamn input on this, because I am losing my mind.So, several months ago I turned to lovely internet dating. I have never been involved in a relationship, frankly never gave a shit about having a boyfriend, but ever since coming to school in a big city, I've been yearning for some kind of connection. So ensued my exploration of Tinder.I talked to plenty of assholes on there (as many of you probably understand), but ended up striking up a real-ass conversation with someone. I figured it would end up being a waste of time, so I didn't give a whole lot in the beginning. But I ended up exchanging numbers with this person, as well as snapchats, and next thing I knew we were communicating all of the time. We were up crazy late having deep-ass conversations, sharing things about our lives and each other. And this went on for about two months, much to my surprise. Given my anxiety, of course I was paranoid and skeptical of the dude, as I should be...especially since I met him on the internet. But I ended up going on a holiday break for two months, meaning I was back home without the chance of having to meet up with this guy. Ended up we spoke almost every day for those two months, sharing a lot of personal shit. Not silly text messages, but ones with substance that would carry on until five a.m. My last week at home, we ended up sexting, something I have NEVER EVER done in my life, but I wasn't worried about it too much. He didn't screen shot anything, or act like a dick about wanting a photo. Hell, I wanted to send photos. I was gaining confidence I never had before.The day I went back to school, he messaged me several times about meeting up, if I wanted to/had the time. I was massively nervous, because I have no experience with the male species, but I wanted to meet this guy very badly. He lives about an hour away by subway, so he took the trip here. We chatted and smoked and drank and were having a chill time. Nothing weird, he wasn't being freaky and I certainly wasn't sensing anything. It was nice. I felt comfortable around him, and something different with this guy. He's intelligent and talkative and sweet.Well, he ended up spending the night. And I have never fooled around with a guy. No sex, nothing. He knew this, so everything was basically up to me. It was a lot of fun, and very intimate. It didn't feel like something casual or emotionless (but I know some guys think about sex differently than some of us females), and we spent most of the night talking and cuddling.We both went to class the the next day, he came back over that night, and we talked and chilled. He spent the night again, and that next morning we went to his place. We did laundry together there, then watched a movie before I headed back home. He tried to ride back with me, but I told him it was fine, and I received a good night text from him that night. He texted me during the week and came back over on Sunday. He took me out on an "official" date (wonderful time), and he came back here and spent the night. Everything went really well, there wasn't anything strange or off, and it was probably the best time we had had together. In fact, we became official, calling each other girlfriend/boyfriend.That next morning, we both had class. He left me his shirt, I walked him to the subway, kissed him goodbye then went on with my day. I snap chatted him something silly on Thursday, which he responded to, and then I texted him Saturday to ask him how his week was. The text did something funky, so I wasn't sure if it sent or not, so the next day I sent him a message saying hey, which I know was definitely delivered. I have heard absolutely nothing from him, and this was two weeks ago. And I know he's not dead because he was posting on his snap chat last weekend, which he has not blocked/deleted me on ??? yet he's ignoring my messages.I don't know if I'm being too clingy or overthinking this, but I am so upset about this and I absolutely hate it. It sounds fucking stupid, but I was really starting to care about the guy. I don't just have sex with anyone. I really have to feel something, trust someone, and he holds similar beliefs. I am almost positive he wasn't seeing multiple girls, based on our extensive messaging, time spent together, and the fact that he told his fucking mom/friends about me. He just didn't seem like that kind of person. We even spoke about seeing other people, and we both weren't. And if he was seeing other girls then they surely saw all of the hickeys he was covered in (tmi, sorry).I sent him one last text today, saying I hoped he was okay, if he wasn't interested anymore, etc. that it was totally okay and to just let know what's up because I'm confused/worried. Still no response.He is a very, veeeery busy person with work and school. Plus he's from here, so he has a shit ton of friends around that he spends time with. I get that. I'm fucking busy too, and I don't expect to see the guy every day. Just once or twice a week would be totally fine for me, and probably hardly doable with everything we have going on. But now he's ignoring me, for literally no given reason, and I'm fucking confused.I'm pissed and sad and I just want a damn answer. I know ghosting is common, especially with internet dating. But why the hell would this guy pursue me for like two months, spend time and money on me, call me his girlfriend, say he was already dreading me going home for the summer, talk about all of this shit we're going to do, then just drop me like there's nothing to it.There were a few red flags with this guy (as there are with most, let's be honest), but I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt (that's the kind of person I am, stupidly), and I didn't think I would get so fucking attached in the first place. I don't have a lot of friends here, in fact I live alone. I was really connecting with this guy, on a friendship and romantic level.I'm just so torn between anger and sadness. I don't want to just give up all hope, because I just can't believe that he would end things with zero explanation. I don't deserve that, no one does, and we had really gotten to know each other well. But I keep feeling like I was used for sex, and I feel so disgusting and humiliated. I'm upset that I just gave myself to someone who sure is appearing to be an asshole. It's a lot for me to connect and get that close with someone, and I thought my instincts were good.My depression has been horrible lately, but this is just the icing on the cake. I can't stop imagining that he's with another girl, and that's such a sickening thought to me. I don't want to be this upset, but I got too emotionally attached, and I'm pissed at myself for it. I feel like I have no one to turn to, and I'm certainly over fucking tinder. You're lucky if it works out for you.I just need some advice about this. I don't know what to think or do. I know most are probably going to say "move on, he sounds like a douche", but I just have this odd feeling. I don't know. Am I being silly and too clingy?Anything is appreciated, thanks xx via /r/dating_advice