#shooting fish in a barrel

[jokingluna]

[silveragelovechild]

A Working Man Shooting Fish in a Barrell

While I don’t see every Jason Statham movie, I’ve seen a fair number. I like his movie persona— basically a thug with a heart of gold. So I decided to see “A Working Man” on discount Tuesday.

Statham plays a man working for a construction company run by Michael Peña. When his daughter is kidnapped, Peña asks Statham to find her… because he’s a former Green Beret. (My brother was a Green Beret in Vietnam Nam, and I didn’t know he was taught to be a detective on a missing person’s case.)

Although the family doesn’t know it, the daughter has been kidnapped by an offshoot of the Russian mob. Peña waited 2 days to ask for Statham’s help. In that time, she could have been cut up into little piece and fed to the sharks, OR shipped thousands of miles to work in a sleazy brothal. But nope! Her kidnappers (who were paid $200K) have been waiting to deliver her to a skeezy fat man. But why so much money to a girl who looks identical to the 5 other girls she was bar hopping with?

Statham gets to work… very slowly. He spends days surveilling various Russian mob operations. We know they are the Russian mob by their outlandish outfits (one of them literally looks like Uncle Fester from the Addams Family).

For long stretches of the movie, we don’t even see the kidnapped girl. Days pass as Statham stirs up a bee’s nest, killing Russian mob henchmen. He might as well be Batman because he can take on 6 or 8 henchmen who all have guns and shotguns at their disposal… but they are very polite and attack him one at a time— so in a flurry of overly choreographed punches and kicks, Statham dispatches them all.

Statham dismantles Russian mob hideouts across Chicago - trying to find the girl. I didn’t count, but Statham had to have killed at least 50 Russian goons in the 116-minute running time. He’s so efficient it’s like shooting fish in a barrel. There are 56 stunt performers in the production, according to IMDb. Plus 51 actors listed in the cast, so the body count has got to be as high as 100.

Meanwhile, the girl is eating cold hamburgers and being harassed by a bitchy Russian henchwoman. Then, inexplicably, the skeezy fat man who paid $200K for her agrees to pay $1 million. Huh?!?

But of course, Statham saves the girl by killing all the Russian mobsters in a casino. Well, except one - he lets the girl kill the bitch henchwoman. The girl must have spent her prison time working out with Suzanne Somers’s thigh master. She kills the henchwoman by wrapping her legs around the bitch’s neck and squeezing.

Michael Peña didn’t put much effort into playing her the kidnapped girl’s dad. He can’t even shed one tear when he learns she’s been taken.

There are 21 producers listed on this movie and 10 second unit or assistant director. So director David Ayers had a lot of help on this one. BTW - Ayers is the director of “Suicide Squad” (2016) but not the director of “THE Suicide Squad” (2021).

(I think I need to stop watching Jason Statham movies. He may be the thug with the heart of gold, but the script for A Working Man is pure shit. And in this case, it was shit written by Sylvester Stallone.)

[capesch-arts]

Arthur and Nyarlathothep

Let's be quick, Kay? Your shiny keeper is going to be worried sick!

"What? Why?"

Well, he can't see inside here, my good pal. Let's just say for both of your sakes, it's for the better.

"I- um... Questions... Hastur said, you're one of the only gods here that carries great knowledge. At least, one that is willing to give to us."

Awww shucks, that makes me blush! And yes! In fact, I've been waiting for you to come back to me.

"Yes I- what do you mean, back?"

Oh, my poor little lost lamb! I guess you should remember. Addison? Ever wondered why you never blew it up sky high?

"Yes, because it was risky to detonate a coal mine and it... No... We ... We made a deal..."

Uh-huh. I happened to LIKE the gal running that town, and I couldn't let you destroy it! So... What did we do?

"You offered to hide the book with his heart and gave me a decoy. But- but it wasn't you- it was a friend- it- .... Altering my memory was part of the deal..."

So your yellow fellow won't find out it was me! He was still uh, grumpy, at me. Hoho. But, that's another story. Hmm and then? And then?

"I took the deal but there was a price... Oh gods..."

Yes... I swore to hide the book somewhere outside of your mind BUT, you need to let The King in Yellow to PLUCK your soul out from your scrawny lil' meat sack.

"... That's right... I chose to leave her... I.."

We're not all perfect dads, Arthur! We all make HARD decisions. I should know! I had a daughter too, you know! But, trust me. This was the best option ya got. Remember his attack dog? What was his name Happy Dick or something? I don't know. Back then he would command him to kill your little girl. He would Artie. And he'd LAUGH at your face too. So... It is what is, dear boy...

"Why are you telling me this?"

Well, I kinda feel bad for letting you in the dark... hmm maybe? A lil' bit? I'm still deciding... since you stole my ex from me .. BUT, I actually CARE about that big ol' peacock. Well, for one reason or another...

"But, why? I'm not your friend nor is Hastur. In fact, all I've heard from the other residents of the Dreamlands is they're terrified of him. Why would you want to help him?"

I have my own personal reasons and a less personal one. Specifically regarding The Blind Idiot.

"The Blind Idiot?"

Azathoth! The creator of all. Big ol' stupid deadbeat dad of mine. I have issues

"From what I've gathered, or what I've gained from asking The King, he's the creator of all. He's a source of ultimate chaos and that the reality we exist in is his dreams..."

Correct! And a big powerful idiot like him needs to sleep SOUNDLY. And do you know who needs to make sure of that?

"No, who?"

ME. I need to keep him HAPPY. and ASLEEP! If he wakes up then [pop] everything ends... Everything dies... All the chaos? All the cults? Why do I need to make sure they exist? I need to feed that idiot. Sacrifices. Rituals. Chaos. Yadda Yadda Yadda FUCK THAT. Do you know how STRESSFUL IT IS keeping your SENILE BRAINLESS PAPPY content? FUCK IT'S HARD. like- like- having a vein CONSTANTLY on the brink of POPPING. WHOOOO! Calm down, calm down. Well, until The King came and everything was... Manageable. I don't need to make that TWIT sleep happily anymore...

"Why The King? What's so special about Hastur?"

Well, let me start with big ol' pappy. You're spot on! The very reality we're standing in is his dreams. It started out as a "good" dream. No pain, no madness, no death, no FLAVOUR! Endless power and chaos! No rules! No stakes! No NOTHING! Just a "happy" little dream with no in-betweens.

"I thought he's the embodiment of amorphous and ultimate chaos? How is that good and happy?"

Well, a world with no restrictions can seem chaotic to your pea brain now, Arthur?

"Well you don't have to rub it in"

CONTINUING...! A boring little dream with the appeal of boiled chicken...! Until... He had a nightmare. It was a small one. So MINISCULE. So... Out of reach.. yet it became the center of his attention.

It started as a dancer. A jester! To be precise. Dancing in the middle of all that chaos for all to see. So small and yet so blaring! So... Yellow. With a wide smile and a happy little song serenading every flow of its movement. And as it danced and danced, it became slower, stiffer, weaker... And the smile on its face gradually faded and became a pitiful frown. As it turned its last tune, it fell! Broken! Withered and pale... It DIED.

"How would that-"

Come on, Arthur! You're an ARTIST! You should know that you humans could give MEANING to death. But for us? Death? Actual death for us is TERRIFYING. And for Azathoth, it was damning. The slow decay and withering of life, weakening and fading out existence, before being subjected to a fate lower than oblivion. It's the reason why every offspring he has, has so much power, Artie! He's projecting his fears to us by giving us tremendous power. Even though it is ultimately futile...

"How does this connect with The King in Yellow?"

That nightmare woke The King up, Artie. And not only that, he was a WILD ONE. No one seems to know what he is or why he is but the moment he existed, DEATH! DECAY! THE END! Came with him and SPREAD throughout this little dream we call our reality. And despite that, he's still singing and playing his songs like some sort of MOCKERY towards the father of all. Well, until his recent block that is... Carcosa dying and all that...

"And that's why you're relieved of your duties? Hastur became daddy's new favourite?"

Oh Arthur... Didn't you hear what I said? I said he WOKE up not that he's BORN from the nightmare.

"What?"

Let me be clear. He's. NOT. Azathoth's.

"... What?"

Whatever he was, was asleep. Asleep for who the fuck knows how long. Older than dear old pappy, I'd say! And when that little nightmare came to him and SHOOK the Blind Idiot, THE KING. WOKE. UP.

"Wait, wait... How can that be? You're implying that The King is a separate entity far beyond even your own creator, the one whose dreams are our reality. Are you telling me, The King is older than that? What.. what is he...?"

Oh come on, Artie! I think you have a guess on what he is. I can feel the gears running in that teeny little brain of yours. Keep going though! I know you still have some more questions!

"It- I... How does this all... Keep Azathoth asleep? Does death keep him satiated, or?"

AHH it's more like, he's now aware that there's something outside of his dreams that exists... And it's looking RIGHT AT HIM. And he doesn't want to know what's in store for him when he opens his innumerable amount of eyes and stares back at the abyss.

"Is he- wait- if he's more powerful than Azathoth, how can he even exist on the same plane as us? If he's separate from him how is he here?"

The same way he can walk casually with your little meat suit in the human world, that form is just an avatar. An extension of him. Hell! He doesn't even NEED to have a powerful one! In some realities that avatar is a Great Old One born from... Uhh I don't know one of the many kids Azathoth has? It mixes up. For the one you're seeing in our Dreamlands, he hijacked Azathoth's nightmare, the little dancing jester, and used it to conjure a physical form in this reality. To spread his plague of wither and death. An extension of his mockery towards dear old dad. After all, what could be more humiliating than having your own dreams be used to "birth" your ultimate horror? So POETIC! Gah! This is why I love him!

"I... This is too much..."

Oh, I reckon. Sit down! Sit. Not everyone gets to discover how this little globe twirls around without their brains going KA-PLOOSH!

"If he is... Some sort of bringer of death... Why is he desperately trying to keep his city alive? Why does he collect humans? Why does he... Why does he value life if he mocks it?"

Well... That's the mystery isn't it? And I'm sure your little detective mind can figure it out! Oh and we're out of time anyways. I think your King's about to burst through my front door. WOW! He's really clingy isn't he? Luckyfuckingbastard >:(

"Wait, WAIT! I still need to-"

Sorry Artie! This one's all on you now! Oh and I'm keeping your Addison memory jumbled up. He's still mad at me I'm afraid! Sooo BUH-BYE!

"WAIT! OOF-!"

[Arthur disappears]

Well... Let's see how THIS show goes...

[glaucophane]

I declare open season on the porn bots. No bag or size limit.

Just strollin' through my fandom tags with a shotgun and putting down everything in their likes.

[impossible-rat-babies]

I love when the companions say “nice job, rook” when I headshot some poor darkspawn for 2k damage and trivialize a whole fight

[elpsycongruent]

all of us today

[brocktonbay]

there's PACT DICE??? i thought weaverdice was the only bad role-playing game

this is the pact dice masterdoc which contains links to all the other pact dice docs

this is the current main ruleset

but you DO also need to read the weaver dice document because it's "the system that Pact Dice is based on, minus super powers."

step number three is extra important because if you're like me and don't do this and also haven't looked at weaver dice in years, you won't know that you need a d6 until you hit page 17 out of 115 on the pactdice main doc

i was going to post a more detailed rundown about how bewildered and bemused i am by the system, but there's a disclaimer at the top of the main rules doc that explains that Pact Dice is a WIP side project and should be taken as such. [michael bluth i don't know what i expected.gif] ALSO it goes against my personal policy of being a hater in public online for extended periods of time so i shan't

TL;DR if you can follow along with all the charts and tables then i'm very happy for you and hope you enjoy your competitive draft character creation. i personally have used the Practitioner and Other classification docs for ttrpg and fanfic purposes! and i'm not even a Word of God reader! But at the end of the day i struggle to understand why a setting i love for its malleability and subjectivity has such an overwritten and classification-dependent rule system :(

[landinrris]

you guys... they gave me the point blank kill shot and came off anon immediately 👀😏😂

[dragonmons]

>goes to neurologist to be cleared for workers comp

>doctor rushes max speed through appt after i waited an hour and a half to see him

>prescribes me three medications

>check interactions at home out of curiosity

>two of them increase risk of serotonin syndrome when combined with my antidepressant, which i told them about

>they also increase the risk of serotonin syndrome with each other

>i suddenly remember that he also tried to prescribe a medication i had an adverse reaction

>MA had to stop him

yeah seems normal to me boss

[historian-in-pearls]

My father was a sports journalist/editor for over thirty years, and I’m a good daughter, so as often as possible I find sports headlines I know he will surely hate and put them in the family group chat

[femme-objet]

so when/if i decide to play dark souls II, should i go for "scholar of the first sin" or the regular version? i have access to both

[mynameis-a]

i hate how mentioning that you could easily do something bad makes everyone think that you actually do the thing

like no

i don’t do this

i’m not planning to do this

i have no need nor want to do this

i’m just perceptive enough to realize “hey this would be easy to completely fuck up if someone wanted to”

[numberstationmason]

Liberalism and the decay of outright direct violence as a virtue and rite of passage has left a hole for the meek to gorge themselves on a gluttonous coping binge for pacifism. Archaic tribes had score settling figured out, take slaves, raid each other. Etc

[ekleipsi]

" could i not be your practise target for once? "

--- ' But you know moving targets make for better practice? How am I gonna keep my skills honed, if not you? I guess I could find...civilians... '

[paradoxius]

I'm continuously astounded that the ttrpg community has been using the five platonic solids as their go-to random number generators for this long without anyone taking advantage of the fact that each is traditionally associated with one of the classical Greek elements. I mean, come on!

[sistercara]

as a (w)hole i prefer to bottom a lot more than i top but goddamn teasing and flustering bottoms is the greatest pastime