paradoxius

[paradoxius]

the orca is probably one of the more badass animals alive today

[paradoxius]

FUCK AMERICA HAPPY 100TH BIRTHDAY CEASAR SALAD 🇲🇽🇲🇽🇲🇽❗❗❗

[paradoxius]

it's so sicka nd twisted how niccolo machiavelli wrote a book that tried to realistically recount the brutality of 15th century power struggles and his name is now a synonym for Suepr Evil Fucked Up Guy but thomas hobbes wrote a 688-page supervillain manifesto and he gets to have his name associated with an adorable whimsical stuffed tiger forever

[paradoxius]

I feel like Tommy having a pinball table isn't surprising at all...

Why is there a Motörhead video game that seems to be a Diablo style action RPG

[paradoxius]

Every time I feed my cats, instead of crowding around their food bowls, they'll run to the door and peer out of it while standing smartly at attention, presumably to make sure no-one sneaks up on us while I'm preparing the food. That's literally never happened, but I appreciate the concern.

[paradoxius]

Some resonance with the fact that Shakespeare's Troilus and Cressida—which is mostly a beat-for-beat of the Iliad—makes reference to the sexual nature of the relationship between Achilles and Patroclus exclusively through homophobic insults.

One of the weirdest aspects of homophobia in American media in the 1980s and 1990s is that it seems to have resulted in ratings boards being more permissive toward sexual references as long as they were specifically mocking gay people. You weren't allowed to describe specific sex acts in a PG-rated film unless it was a buttsex joke. One of the kids in the original theatrical cut of E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial calls another boy "penis breath".

[paradoxius]

Go to? Go to where?

Idea: anachronistic combination of vulgarity templates. Take for example: ‘zwussy (God’s wound pussy, which is used to swear by the yonic spear hole made in Jesus’ side)

[paradoxius]

Idea: anachronistic combination of vulgarity templates. Take for example: ‘zwussy (God’s wound pussy, which is used to swear by the yonic spear hole made in Jesus’ side)

[paradoxius]

for the last few months, not knowing 100 gecs was a band, ive been saying "100 gecs" whenever i meant to say "lmao", "lol" and "lmfao" as a direct result of me misunderstanding this tweet.

my friends knew the band so they didnt have this misconception. and still they just kinda rolled with it??? like imagine something like your friend seemingly randomly saying the beatles, sometimes in all caps in the middle of their messages HELPP

i also thought the amount of "gecs" would change depending on how funny something was, so for example just sort of saying lol at the end of a message would be translated to about 20 gecs. a standard lmao would be about 60 gecs, and a proper LMFAOO was 100 gecs. i had a whole system

[paradoxius]

[paradoxius]

Iago’s Plan:

make a rich fool my purse

work myself into the moor’s good graces

send powerful venetians to suggest he make me his lieutenant

(he’s already made some fop his lieutenant)

fop has never been in a fight in his life. get appointed his moorship’s ancient instead

PIVOT: sow distrust within moor’s company and house

help him secretly marry senator’s daughter that rich fool wanted to marry

wake senator up in the middle of the night after secret wedding

goad him into leading a mob to arrest moor

play both sides against each other. enlist rich fool to go with senator.

(daughter/wife convinces duke that everything’s cool)

get sent to fight ottomans in cyprus. taking wife with us. my wife too.

make sure to also take rich fool, just in case

fop has thing for married women. gets handsy with my wife once we get there

PIVOT: make fop get handsy with moor’s wife so moor kills fop two birds with one stone

perfect plan

make sex jokes while everyone waits for moor (extremely funny)

fop and wive(s) bond over being sick of my shit

can use stresses of war to drive wedge into marriage

(ottomans drown in storm. peace declared.)

moor declares night of revelry to celebrate end of war and start of marriage

no problem. go after fop at party. talk about how hot general’s wife is

make him think affair is his idea #inception

(fop doesn’t take bait?)

fuck, really thought he had a thing for married women

PIVOT: don’t need affair to happen, really. just need moor to think so

get fop drunk (easy) and have rich fool start a fight with him (knew rich fool would be useful again)

fop almost kills a guy. fop might actually be good at fighting. probably won’t be relevant.

when moor shows up to break up fight, imply fop is at fault

refuse to elaborate so it looks like I know more than I’m saying

fop gets fired

MOOR NOW UNDER MY CONTROL

make sure to offer to help fop get out of trouble

tell him to get moor’s wife on his side

imply to moor that something’s going on between them

refuse to elaborate so it looks like I know more than I’m saying (ain’t broke don’t fix it)

my wife incidentally gets me hanky moor gave his wife

convenient is it

can sneak hanky into fop’s stuff so later it looks like she gave it to him

(moor orders me to prove the infidelity or he'll kill me)

PIVOT: move up hanky thing to now

say fop already has hanky

convince moor to ask wife to show him hanky, which she can’t since i have it

MOOR NOW UNDER MY CONTROL

swear allegiance to moor in revenge scheme

arrange for moor to hear me ask fop about married woman he’s actually having affair with (knew it)

moor thinks he’s talking about his wife

actual mistress shows up with hanky, which she says fop got from his other mistress

moor agrees to kill wife while i kill fop

convince a bunch of venetian officials who show up that moor just went crazy and started beating his wife and no one knows why

(my wife mostly figures out what’s going on. honestly my fault, since i got idea from back when someone convinced me she was having an affair with moor. not a problem though since she has no way of knowing it was me. disregard.)

rich fool wants to give up on wife plan and call in my absolutely massive debt to him

PIVOT: convince rich fool he has to kill fop now or moor will take wife to morocco (explanation doesn’t make sense; not important)

rich fool waits to ambush fop coming home from mistress’s house

whichever one dies, i win

perfect plan

(realize as they fight that if either of them survives it ruins my plan, since rich fool will reveal our various conspiracies if i don’t pay back his money i already blew through and moor will figure everything out if he ever actually talks to fop)

fop wins. okay, turns out he was pretty good at fighting.

PIVOT: emphasis “was,” lol. maim fop’s leg. plenty of time now to kill them both and make it look like they killed each other

Endgame achieved. (??)

(bunch of guys show up before i can do anything else)

PIVOT: pretend i also just showed up. kill rich fool in dark under pretense that i took him for a mugger that attacked fop

can’t kill fop now, but it’s fine. i just have to stop him and moor from being in same room. no one else knows enough about plan to figure out what i did

fop’s mistress shows up since it’s her house. pin attack on her using misogyny (extremely funny)

my wife shows up. send her to take news to moor’s house so she’ll find him having killed his wife

show up with venetian officials to arrest moor for murder before they can lug maimed fop over to put the story together

all in the bag as long as no one at crime scene figures out how fop got hanky

Endgame achieved.

[paradoxius]

so true

[paradoxius]

the horseless carriage implies the existence of a "horse"

[paradoxius]

But you're looking at 80p—you stay in Wigan, and I show you how deep the pea wet goes

MORPHEUS IN WIGAN: you think that's gravy you're eating

[paradoxius]

I think "fuck you, I hate your work and I will do it myself and I will do it better" is a really funny and epic sentiment. i started publishing poetry because an ex boyfriend of mine was publishing really ass poetry in a bunch of journals and I was like "Jesus christ, this is garbage, I could do that, and I could do it better." now I have a page in the Academy of American Poets and I've published a full length collection and his website says "former poet." You should win by succeeding way harder than they do. Spite is a legitimate energy source.

[paradoxius]

Ooh, cool! Is it published, and if so where?

I think "fuck you, I hate your work and I will do it myself and I will do it better" is a really funny and epic sentiment. i started publishing poetry because an ex boyfriend of mine was publishing really ass poetry in a bunch of journals and I was like "Jesus christ, this is garbage, I could do that, and I could do it better." now I have a page in the Academy of American Poets and I've published a full length collection and his website says "former poet." You should win by succeeding way harder than they do. Spite is a legitimate energy source.