headcanon that percy's most reoccurring nightmare about tartarus is the one where he loses annabeth to the pit. the one where he trips over the rogue lace of his left shoe and misses her fingers by centimeters. the one where his hands get clammy due to nerves and she slips out of his grasp. the one where they descend over the cliff together but he isn't strong enough to hold the weight of arachne. the one where she uses her knife to slice his palm and catch him off-guard so she can wiggle free. and the one where she's bleeding from the wound on her head. begging him not to tamper with fate. to let the prophecy play out. and a silent conversation passes between them. an 'i love you' and 'goodbye' in the same breath. and he stares into her eyes for what he knows is the last time and lets go. the one where he has to watch annabeth sacrifice herself to save the world.
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Value Village this week was disappointingly nondescript but I did find:
Iridescent shoes that were two sizes too small but I still tried to jam my feet into them before coming to terms.
Twilight Fanfic and Twilight Fanfic Fanfic.
A print of Rembrandt's Night Watch that has, ironically, spent far too much time in the sun.
Pretty sure this is the ghost from the Sallie House.
Anybody need two kg of receipt tape?
Eleven puzzles and I bet not one of them has all its pieces. And if they weren't originally all mixed together in this box they sure are now.
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Do you ever just think about how the headboard on Kevin's bed on the Nest doesn't budge. Of all the hints about what his life there was like that's the one that gets to me the most because it's so deliberate. Because even though he's probably physically stronger than Riko or at least evenly matched, Kevin wouldn't fight back. But he wasn't given the choice to anyway
honestly i think putting neil in kevin’s side of the room is such a telling choice during the castle evermore scenes. we spend so much of the first and second book hearing about how much kevin fears his so-called family, their haunting of the narrative as bloodthirsty hounds who can sniff out his fear, and when we actually get to finding out why that is we see it from someone who was immediately shoved into kevin’s old place. riko wasn’t just hurting neil because he wanted to (“i’m going to enjoy hurting you just as much as i enjoyed hurting kevin”), he was making sure neil knew he was inferior by putting him in direct contact with the roles kevin and jean played in the nest, using him as a substitute for the one that got away. neil gets a speedrun of some of the worst moments of kevin’s life, and he gets not a single breathing moment for it before he has to be shoved back into exy, like kevin was
i wouldn’t dare presume nora sakavic’s intentions on anything at this point, but i like the idea that neil’s stay at evermore was supposed to tell us all we needed to know about kevin’s time there, without kevin ever having to actually recount the years (he wouldn’t, even if he could): that it was horrifying, and that being in his shoes will never be as glamorous as neil previously thought. i like the breaking of neil’s expectations for kevin; i like how it makes neil realize the life kevin led was not better. and that’s the point, isn’t it? when neil is lying in kevin’s bed, handcuffed to kevin’s headboard, his legs pinned under kevin’s only friend, getting hurt by kevin’s brother, that’s what neil realizes: this is not better. it might be different than life on the run, but it is not better.
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i can't do an april wrap-up/monthly book recommendation post because i only finished one book in april, and it was a short story(🥴)
april was a month of travelling, of exploring, and of heartbreak (having to reject an offer from oxford because i can't afford relocating rn is going to haunt me for the rest of my life). reading, for the first time in a long time, hasn't been a priority for me, and that feels really good??
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