#shithorrormonsters

[shithorrormonsters]

Of Silence (2014)

A scuba diver went too deep while diving and it effect his hearing (it doesn’t make him deaf or hard of hearing). He loses his wife and his life is a mess and he wanders around the house in the dark (mostly because it is dark curtains he has).  Any way something from the deep followed him back to his house to torment him, why? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

^^^If you love torturing yourself then this movie is for you. You soon find out that there is a lot of conversations in his movie that is similar to Tommy Wiseau, pointless that don’t go any where (filler). IMDb gave this fantastical film a whooping 3.5/10, you know you are in for a treat if you find this movie buried next Atari’s E.T. Game cartridges at some random landfill.

^^^ It has learned how to open doors but not how to walk on two legs *slow clap* bravo, Jeremiah Sayys there is no way to top this scene.

(•_•)

“I guess this case just....”

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

“swung wide open”

“YEEEEEEAAAAAAH”

^^^^ Shit, I retracted my previous statement. This unknown entity likes to keep the house clean by leaving blood on random print outs. SUPER SPOOKY TIME WOWZIE! ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡

^^^^ I know looks fade over time but making your wife wear a bag in bed is way uncalled for.

^^^^ “Why yes Carl, I do like wearing rubber masks when i make my breakfast”

^^^^ I have no clue wtf i am looking at. Seriously, WTF am i looking at ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°), Some one tell me. PLEASE!

^^^ “Argh, i am spooky scary evil time, btw how the fuck do i chew with my rubber teeth”.

[shithorrormonsters]

Terror Birds (2016)

When Maddy Stern discovers her father has gone missing during a routine bird watching excursion, she and her college pals trek out into the wilderness to find him, only to end up in a wealthy scientist's desolate ranch aviary, where they encounter a pair of giant, hungry terror birds believed to be extinct for centuries. 

^^ Please note this is not based on the recent movie “Angry birds”. If you thought that then you must be on crack.

^^^”Oh crap Frank, Did you not see the ‘This way is up’ sign on the Amazon package?”

^^ Holy Crap, That spider is HUGE #BabyEaterSpider

^^Nothing more like a marital dispute on who has to put the trash out.

^^This is their greeting, “You seem nice”.

^^This what happens to me every time I go to one of those Drive-Thru Zoos.

^^ Fact: Human heads are easily detachable.

^^To gut your victim simply crack out the head and twist to the left and pull, a poorly cgi skull and spinal cord upwards like so”.

^^ I am not sure what is worse being killed by a shitty CGI turkey or eaten by a shitty CGI gator.

^^^ “Excuse me ma’am, I am a breast inspector”

[shithorrormonsters]

Carnosaur 3: Primal Species (1996)

Plot: A military group attempt to transport a killer Carnosaur but they managed to lose it inside a box factory. With cunning and plenty of fodder, will they capture the creature?  Who knows.

^^^I must say pretty cool font compared to other horror flicks.

^^^^ Dinosaur vision

^^^^ Allergies even effect the most crappiest looking dinosaurs.

^^^^ Nothing like a blur movement to cover up the fact it doesn’t have feet.

^^^ So the dinosaur runs around and kills people in a heart beat but it hesitates on hovering food.

^^^^ Will this Scooby Doo plan work  or will it back fire?

^^^ the answer is potato!

^^^Worst case of brain freeze I have ever seen!

[shithorrormonsters]

Shock (2006)

Plot: When a gruesome killer targets the staff of a Psychiatric facility, its up to ex-cop turned Private investigator David Evans to find the killer and put his own life back into perspective.            

In this movie you can find that the script and acting goes in par with Birdemic. Yes, it is that bad!

^Meet our “Creature”, a pathetic mixture of a smurf and Voldemort. To top it off he has both of his sleeves of his business suit ripped off, why? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

^The way he kills people is by teleporting next to them and then grab them while sucking heir soul (with cheap FX). If you watch this gif, you will notice that the woman’s head movement does not match the sucking FX between them.

Joke: Baby Shaking, the adults edition

^^ Creature: ”I hope no one notices that I took a huge dump in that closet”

Cop: “OMG, it is one of the guys from the Blue Man Group”

Creature: “Shit”

Very Dramatic scene of them having a bro down, Spoiler, they kiss.

[shithorrormonsters]

Prophecy (1979)

A log company’s waste mutates the environment, creating a giant killer bear-monster.            

^A weird title that makes you think it’s about the devil or the end of the world. If you did think that then you’re shit wrong, son!

^Awww a mutant thingy, aint it cute? Let’s kill it, I have a spot above my toilet to put it’s head!

^Winnie the poo has been playing with those honey candles again

^The bear is so ugly that it made the tree fall over before it swiped it.

^Mutant bitch slap activated.

^Human ”Marco!”          

Mutant Bear “Polo-bear!”

Human “What?”

Mutant Bear: What?

^Take 19 of bear shampoo scene, ACTION!

^“Darn, I am almost caught that arrow”

^Fact: Humans are made of 90% feathers.

Poor lighting will cover up the shitty FX.

^Ewok on cocaine or sugar….. maybe both

[shithorrormonsters]

Jurassic Shark (2000)

The story of the shark which has hunted for millions of years. Various scientists try to reconstruct prehistoric sharks and their world from fossil clues.

^I love the font they used for the title. It adds to the whole “What the fuck am i watching” vibe. If you are curious on how this movie managed to last an entire hour, it is 99% padding and posturing.

^If only there was a nuclear strike on this movie.

^sharks (no matter the size) can break the laws of physics.

^“Hey, Check out dat ass”

^Joke One:”I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky”

^^Joke two: Free Jurassic Shark.

^Pro-Tip: This shark is ALWAYS hungry.

             ^This is scene was filmed before the shark had braces.

^This scene was filmed after the braces were removed.

^ Dramatic slow-mo of shark dislodging it’s jaw to eat an entire human in a single chomp.

^Nothing like a shark motorboat.

^Their entire plan was, girl on shore would throw the black TNT (that will change to red) while the girl in the water will dive out of the way when the shark will emerge and catches the TNT. Then SOME HOW the explosion will not harm the girl in the water.

^and it worked… Physics?

^end scene that makes the movie worth it.

[shithorrormonsters]

This is what happens when you let your 8 year old niece do the cgi for your tv movie.

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Advanced life forms need no facial expressions other than perpetually pissed.

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“This trailer door bit me, that dude shot me!  I’mma throw a tantrum!”

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“I’m not fat, I’m just big boned.”

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When Jaws mates with a bowling ball.

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This was such a bad idea.  Nun Weremarsupials.  No.

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I wouldn’t even wear these masks for Halloween.

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Here let me expand my neck for you so you can decapitate me more easily.  No problem.

[shithorrormonsters]

These are the sharks I want to be with me as I pretend to drown.