#shit my mom says
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Kid!D: ... So... Are you emo?
Greylancer: Emo what? Hemorrhoids?
#shit my mom says#incorrect vhd quotes#incorrect quotes#vampire hunter d#vhd#d coded#greylancer my beloved#frontier coded
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Me, studying Italian: So apparently meetings are feminine but documents are masculine. Huh, weird.
My mom, without missing a beat: Documents go in meetings.
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
One thing that will never not be hilarious to me is my mom once telling me my dad hadn't met any gay people before meeting my mom and her gay brother and her gay friends.
What my mother meant to tell me was that my FATHER who has a group of UNMARRIED MALE FRIENDS OVER FIFTY, who has watched the ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW LIVE at least twice, who is into DnD, Star Trek and Tolkien, has NEVER, EVER met a gay person in his life before meeting you.
And the worst part? He probably believes that too!!!
My point is that you've met a lot of gay people, you just didn't know they were gay.
#shit my mom says#dad stuff#rocky horror picture show#rhps#dnd#dungeons and dragons#star trek#tolkien#lord of the rings#the hobbit#lgbtqia#lgbtq#queer#gay#dad lore#I hope that's not a star trek tag#they're lesbians harold
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’m sad
My mom was fine and even said she suspected but now she’s not dealing well.
She’s not calling me Adam. She said she wants to talk to my psychologist (immediately shut that down) and that she needs help with this.
Today she said she needs time to get used to it and that I need to understand it’s hard.
How is she supposed to get used to it if she’s not at all acknowledging it??
I feel sad.
I just needed to vent because I feel sad. It doesn’t change anything about my own feelings or my plan but I’m just sad.
I don’t know who to talk to and Tumblr is always good for venting.
If you see this. You’re loved! You’re worthy. You deserve happiness. Be yourself always!
Goodnight Tumblr
36 notes
·
View notes
Text
the water brand I usually buy has started to recycle their plastic bottles so I have to collect them and the stores will pay a bit of money for the empty bottles. I just handed over all my bottles to my parents so that they can take them back. But many of my collected bottles are a little uneven with dents on them because I drink directly from the bottle. So my mom tells me "I told you to stop sucking them out like a vampire" 😭 and "leave a bit of space next to your mouth for the air to go inside when you are drinking. Don't put your whole mouth around it like it's a dick." MOMMM PLEASE 😭
#shit my mom says#I burst out laughing#but I can't ... this is how I drink...#I don't think it matters ... they still accept them for recycling#personal post#mom#funny#she has always complained about this... she says that I destroy plastic bottles by sucking them out#she can see me drinking from the smaller plastic bottles that I carry with me everywhere#and when the plastic starts to dent while I am drinking she tells me to stop and let the air inside lol#about me#my post#my posts#text post#textposts
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
Okay guys 😂
So my Mom gave me this old notepad where she wrote down all the unhinged shit she and her college friends ended up saying to each other like 20 years ago, and she also gave her permission to post the quotes. All my writeblr buddies, comment which of your characters might say one of these.
"If a laugh could stick it's pinkies out, yours would."
"Hi, I'm an invalid frog."
"Muffineth." (Said like in fake Old English)
"Oh! I wasn't thinking of Hamlet, I was thinking of Spaceballs."
"I'm secure in my butt." "I'm secure in your butt, too."
"So it's all proper and shit."
"Wouldn't it suck if God was a Plumber?"
No pressure tags to @queen-of-the-weenies @lordfenric-writes @kaylinalexanderbooks @morgannotlefay @stesierra
If y'all wanna do this.
#writeblr#writing#random shit#writing prompts#unhinged dialogue prompts#shit my mom says#tag your oc
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
My mom stumbles into my office, obviously crying. I take a moment and confirm it's crying-laughing and not anything more concerning.
Me: "...?"
Mom: Tumblr has awoken something sinister in me and I am here for it.
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Mom: -and I'm not gonna be weird about that.
Dad: *me, on my way to be incredibly weird about it*
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
shit my mom says: part 1
(she told me to start this as a series)
mom who tells me she is straight: yeah I went on a date with a girl when I was doing a vampire lesbian show (the girl was the vampire who turns her in the show, for context)
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Me listening to my mom talk about when she had chickens as a kid
"I don't want this mornin's butt-nuggets! Like pickin' up a hot turd, damn. I want- iwan atleast yesterday's, damn,"
Talking about eggs. Freshly laid eggs being eaten the same day.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
On the one hand, I sometimes wish my mom would text more concisely, but then we wouldn’t get gems like this...
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
#shit my mom says#spinnychaircirclecasting#diary entry#shitpost#journey to the west#sun wukong#werewolves#monkeys
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
My mother says the most out of pocket shit. Case in point:
Me: If I ever met Pedro Pascal I would end up in the hospital with a concussion because I fainted.
My mother not two seconds later: The doctor will ask what happened, I'll say "I don't know, she saw Pedro Pascal, She came too hard, and then she died.
Que me falling over unable to breathe.
1 note
·
View note
Text
My mom on the phone today:
“Can your doctor give you more oestrogen instead so you feel like a woman?”
I don’t know if I should laugh or cry
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
So I asked my mom
10K notes
·
View notes