#shit has been pissing me off lately
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Idk who needs to hear this, I know I do, but if you have a coochie and are Non-binary. You are not a woman. You are not just an confused girl or woman adjacent. You donāt owe any one gender ambiguity or neutrality. Your tits and hips do not make you less non-binary. You are non-binary not a woman. And if women try to push you into their spaces or treat you like just one of the girls tell those bitches to get back to the kitchen because you are not one of their āgirliesā
#shit has been pissing me off lately#oh weāre doing she and they night š¤Ŗ cause that basically the same thing anyways š¤Ŗ#weāre so inclusive š¤Ŗ#ok Iām gonna make you wish there was a cis man there to protect you from me#and what if a non-binary person that has a beard and is balding rolls up?#do you still want non-binary people in your space???#or do you just see female non-binary people as women???#makes me feel so dysphoric#nonbinary#gender dysphoria#gender queer#trans nonbinary#not bg3
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Honestly, getting real tired carrying and supporting other folks around here when most of them aren't returning the favor...
#i'm two seconds away from nuking everything in my queue and drafts out of spite#but i don't feel good about that bc there's innocent collateral#this is tumblrā the place you're supposed to fucking share the stuff that your friend's and other people are making#and i get itā it's not possible to like and reblog everything hereā i understand that and i'm not expecting that#it just sucks constantly feeling like no one gives a shit about the stuff you're proud of and put effort intoā y'know?#there's an entire subsection of this fandom that basically ignores any vper that isn't running modded on pc#which is like half the fucking fandom and i definitely pissed some of those people off just for choosing who i associate with#i've been writing in this fandom for three years now and i still don't feel like i have any fucking writing friends#or a good place to get technical support#the writing associates i do have either don't read anything i write or when they do won't comment for some inexplicable reason#(if you're an author on ao3 you knowā first handā damn well how much comments mean to authorsā so what's the deal?)#(if you actually don't like itā it's fineā don't even touch the kudos buttonā no one has to know you were there)#i'm traumatized from my previous discord experiences and am very reluctant to let people into my circle without vetting them first#even tumblr communities is a struggle for me because it still feels a like a popularity/social influence contest#and i know i'm fucking slow#sue me for having a life outside of the internet and wanting to be mindful and thoughtfully engaged with other people's artwork#i talk to people in the tags#i've been leaving comments on every fic i read now#i'm not expecting people to bend over backwards for me#but fostering community and friendships requires mutual exchange#and it's shitty feeling like you're generosity is constantly being fucking wasted#i'm trying to keep it fun around here but a lot aren't helping with that and this isn't a job for one person#sorry not sorry for the rant but i've been feeling very salty about this as of late#i know the holidays can be stressful and the fandom in general has been slowly shrinking which has probably exacerbated these issues#a lot of folks have moved on#but these issues have always been here and they aren't magically going to go away unless people work on them#i'm not expecting anything i make to break the bank at this point but when your friends won't even put your crappy art on the fridge anymor#like why are we here?#i also don't understand the people who are following me but never interact with anything i make???#rambling into the void
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with the way john is associated with sunflowers and ice you ought to think someone wouldve drawn him as persephone at one point
#the evil snail in my ear telling me to pick up a pencil again:#okay so the Thing about me trying to draw john is that he has a Very Distinct style#with both his clothes n art#that i cant emulate bc its very not smth id ever get into#and it PISSES ME OFF bc my brain is telling me it looks shit bc its Wrong but its!! not shit!! and fanart cant even be āwrongā!!#anyhow. ive been listening to spawn! by evan fong a lot lately. actual banger btw
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you all have GOT to stop acting like a streamer accidentally saying or doing something that upset you, a fan, makes them a terrible person. a one time accidental thing or a dark joke does not dictate their entire existence being bad and shitty
#rose talks#shooters for tommy or whatever#his fanbase nitpicking his actions lately has been pissing me off. give him a break heās been through shit
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Not to make ātag vent sundayā a thing but Idk how I can go from having a great string of days where I feel happy and confident to just. Randomly fucking dropping. And feeling like the actual worst.
#okay so hereās the thing#QB and I have been doing lil activities online lately#which helps him with his stuff he has going on and helps me to not feel fucking lonely all the time#bc i had another hangout friend but I Very Much Screwed That Up Tee-Bee-Aych#so Iāve been late to most hangouts. i constantly have little issues pop up where Iām so sure Iāll piss him off#friday night like an hour into the hangout I went āidk how to say this but like i recgonize Iām being quiet and if you want me to talk more#please lemme knowā and he told me that he was having some worries attached to that so we talked things out and it was fine#ITS ALWAYS FINE#AND SOMETIMES THAT IS WHAT PUTS ME ON EDGE OR MAKES ME START FUCKING CRYING (off call) WHICH IS EMBARRASSING TO ADMIT BUT LIKE#LOOK I LOVE THAT HEāS PATIENT AND UNDERSTANDING. ONLY OTHER PERSON I KNOW WHO HAS THAT LEVEL OF CHILL IS MY ACTUAL PARTNER#BUT IāM SO FUCKING SURE THAT I WILL SCREW IT UP TERRIBLY. LIKE DISASTROUSLY.#SO LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO? BECAUSE PART OF MY BRAIN IS TELLING ME TO JUST GHOST EVERYONE AND RUN AWAY#SO THAT I CAN AT LEAST CONTROL THE OUTCOME BUT LIKE#I REALLY WANNA BE FRIENDS WITH QB AND WB AND BB AND IāM STRUGGLING SO HARD WITH THIS#like lowkey the thought of screwing up in the same way I always have is literally painful and my chest is killing me I justā#god I fucking hate this shit#can I get the stardew heart ranking system please?? so I know exactly where I stand all the time???#I donāt necessarily trust people to tell me what Iām doing wrong until itās too late
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hi yeah yes this blog is dead buts the only one that still has reader insert content on it and I just gotta say like
What the fuck is up the with exclusivity of reader insert shit these days? If it's about a marginally attractive man all of a sudden its f!reader afab!reader (which should NOT BE INDICATIVE OF PRONOUNS????????? YOURE NAMING THEIR SEX, AND LABELING THE PHYSICAL SEX IF IT HAS EXPLICIT CONTENT LIKE THAT IMPLIES ITS GOING TO BE GENDER NEUTRAL AND THEN ITS NOT AND ITS IMMEDIATELY TRIGGERING FOR A LOT OF TRANS PPL LIKE MYSELF??)
Like it was very very common that reader insert content baseline be gender neutral unless requested otherwise that way everyone who finds the character attractive can enjoy it?? SOOOOO fucking fed up with this smh
Fandom space is supposed to be inclusive and ngl like. when you cater specifically and only to one set of pronouns with this kind of stuff its soo deterring to so many queer people
#sorry this has just been pissing me off so fucking much lately because every character i like reading about#over the past year or so is like. mear exclusively written with a fem perspective and that shit is infuriating#because if youre loterally just writing a oneshot that has no reason to be catered to a specific use of pronouns Why are you usinv them#like youre writing a hc about how they hug why is it Gendered#fucking christ sorry if this seems like.#yknow what no im not sorry actually#idk man i made a huge effort to make people feel included n thats just dropped off the face of the earth with some fandoms for fucking real#not calling out tf here havent been in that space in a minute#i AM calling out anyone that writes for jjk dc comics any part pedro pascal has played in media ever uhhhhhhh etc etc#im not saying the authors have ill intent or problematic#im just saying it perpetuates an exclusionary soace and makes people feel left out#and ngl.... as much is i love everyone joining sites and blah blah blah post pandemic and w the popularity of tiktok#yall need to fucking Learn fandom edicate that shit is so fucking infuriating#not all of u ofc but some of yall are so disrespectful#anyways hi!! bye <3#vent
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didn't the person who accused m*lanie admit it never happened to someone and their convo was recorded and it came out that they'd done the same thing to someone else like a year prior? i swear it was a whole thing like 2/3 years ago? unless new info came out that i didn't see
it was never disproven lol all of that shit was fake posted by her fans. timothy saying she lied was an edit a fan made. here's a link if you wanna read about it.
#dont really wanna post about this anymore its just tiring that a predator is still being platformed & her victim has been silenced lol#like ive been seeing a lot of shit about her lately on social media bc of her tour & its been pissing me off
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I can't think of anything that could kill a generative ai system faster than letting it pull from blogs on here, its going to be fed so many erroneous callouts and pointless discourse posts that its gonna generate a way to speedrun offing itself
#jay talkin#im making jokes but fucking hell the internet sucks nowadays#i love witnessing the rot in real time (<--said extremely mentally healthily haha u can trust)#im listening to monkey wrench on repeat. feeling normal#i mean hey yr shits already been jacked by ai if it was gonna be. sorry. it woulda happened like last year at its peak#sites being more open abt it now and adding opt out toggles dont mean its just suddenly gonna start happening#believe me they were all already trawled by little ai fucknuts already. sucks but its the truth#ai bros notably do not care abt legality they have already trawled every site. all u can do is fight back best u can#damage has been done. dont fall into despair via scaremongering and doom posting#do what u can to protect yrself and yr shit snd spread info on how to do that#glaze yr art if yr an artist. opt out of shit when u can. its fucking rough out here#ai is p solely focused on ripping off whatever is most marketable or 'realistic' bc it is a capitalist leach#and nobody involved in it has a soul enough to recognise art if it spat in their face#it fucking sucks that we're still dealing w it but i promise u this capitalist mass-market tendency#is gonna end up w it poisoning itself w its own shite imagery to the point of death so#it WILL fuck off eventually. hold on w the hope of that ok. n protect yr shit. alright#oh and dont share any info u wldnt want stolen but u shldnt be doing that anyway for internet safety reasons#love u all my artists in arms i hope ai dies sooner rather than later and i hope u get to piss on its corpse#love the lawsuit speedruns this place is pulling lately. yall hadnt had yr fill last week huh
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#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much#it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with#i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown#friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any#close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it#would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely#i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with#other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too!#it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes#it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know#like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk#to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that#i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that#it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have#more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i#don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so#they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine#wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine#and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom#which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn#anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed#i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight#shut up hanna
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delighted that i'm so much more fond of chuuya at this point than i was just a couple years ago. it took the stormbringer play, the cannibalism play, and the fifteen manga (still haven't gotten to those two novels in their entirety, I Will Soon I Promise), it took 6ish+ years, but i can confidently say I Get It Now. Now i just need asagiri to break him (affectionate) in the manga and actually give him a character arc already <333
#i went through my own character arc okay i have Learned#still don't really get it from the pre-light novels era but i definitely get it now#he's actually written so well in those lns it's astounding. now fr if only that could be transferred to the actual manga *sigh*#if you can't tell i'm still so pissed and betrayed by the meursault arc. on all fronts lol but chuuya was one of the worst victims ughhhh#i may be hyped about this fyodor shit rn but do not mistake that as me forgetting how angry i still am over all that anticlimactic bullshit#happy birthday chuuya you really deserve so much better </3#been thinking so much lately about what asagiri is planning for him. or if he's planning anything at all. the signs are so contradictory!!!#i know the fandom made him a huge thing from the early anime days when he probably wasn't meant to be more than an extreme side character#why? again i still don't understand (shipping. it's shipping okay; that's why i was always unfairly biased against him lmao)#but even if that's the case then he wrote the light novels that are SO GOOD so like!!!!#now there's buildup!!!! now there's expectations for him!!!!!!#you can't just never have verlaine and adam not come back in the story again at some point#in the same way that ango did from a light novel#and how oda HAS to be addressed by the end of the story#and all the lore bs in 55 minutes#just WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING WITH CHUUYA ASAGIRI. I NEED TO KNOWWWWWW#THE SIGNS ARE VERY WORRYING BUT IN A COMPELLING WAY AND I NEED THEM TO PAY OFF SO BADLY#me going literally insane lately over a character i still claim to not be one of my favorites. lmao
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finally unfollowed this girl i knew in hs on insta cuz she was posting triggering diet stuff
#proud of myself lol but she was fr pissing me off#shes said shes struggled with eds publicly before and now shes showing off her weight loss to her 100k followers and using exact weight loss#numbers and talking about fasting and shit. i get she has her own pressures cuz she does online sw but she doesnt need to be advertising it#like that lmfao#its just like idk ive been gaining weight lately so i do not need that at all
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Magentttaaaaaaaahhhh
#it's probably covid brain and feeling inadequate because of my body not functioning the way it should#but am i a good writer?#by good I mean okay#am I an okay writer?#I know I haven't churned out as much stuff lately cause of grad school work and recovery mode#but its been decent right?#i don't normally feel this self conscious but man it's killing me#dont get it wrong i write for myself at the end of the day#but i do wonder if anything ive done has touched somebody#even if it royally pissed them off to no end#imma sleep now#magenta is my safe word for venting#if anyone needs it too i love you#i know there's some weird shit floating around in the world right now that folks can feel#we'll be okay#somehow we will
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theydid not lie that misgend3ring does slowly kill you overtime
#imtoo scared to come out to anyone because everyone is terrible andso now i just want 2 die. garh.#zyz#ive been at such a low lately i had to go to my one friend for my relationship issues bc simone is so fucking awful at advice for dating n#shit. everytime i complain shes like oh well dude you just always look so upset. and yr always so miserable. no wonder he says that to you#like thanx.#like im sorry im pissed off everytime i interact with you its because i see you literally twice a day cause you cant stop ditching me for#every single other friend you have for some fucking reason. and then go off about how much you miss me.#okay im sorry my wrist has been fucked up for the past week so i cant use my journaldiary and its fucking me up. goodnight.
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i will ALWAYS believe in the oscar wilde mentality of creativity
#art for artās sake motherfucker!!!#i will draw a thing because i WANNA who cares about skill#if i write a post in purple prose romanticizing human compassion then fuck yeah!!!!#been kinda pissed off by the cynicism iāve seen on the site as of late#i get it iām also very much a cynic but like#guys. we can. we can have fun and play around and romanticize#cāmon. marvel at the beauty of the world with me#bit of a tangent there but like i create out of love so was it really#btw i love those political cartoons of oscar wilde as narcissus#bc i will literally stare at my own art for hours like that#why? because i like how my art looks. also iām studying it for areas to improve but mainly iām looking at my fav bits and going āheheehe <3ā#anyways. who gives a shit about artistic merit or making a statement#yeah do it if you want to absolutely i do it#but not everything has to be /meaningful/. sometimes i just wanna talk#for the sake of talking#i live for lifeās sake. why would i not make art for artās sake#oscar wilde OWNED man. always trust queer artists they rule so hard forever
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Hope youāre doing alright, feel better soon
who the fuck are you and how do you know whats been going on
#if thats the asshole i think it is fuck off#for context ive been hospitalised lately and the only people who know in detail whats been going on are people im messaging#any online just-acquaintances only know from from friends talking about what theyve heard from me#or from me when delirious sending the message ''hospital'' to like half the servers im in#so anon here either could be contacting me directly via messages. since mine are open to anyone on servers besides people i have blocked#they could just not know about that and be a genuine kind acquaintance wishing me well and doing it on anon bc theyre shy or w/e#OR theyre the ex-friend i have blocked and i know from screenshots my friend sent me is saying shit like ''i know them theyre just like thi#and who i know from the same screenshots has been looking at my blog despite again being blocked#you might think im overreacting but idk i think i should be allowed to be pissed at someone who - forgetting our issues -#did some fucked up shit to my friend including block dodging to talk to them after said friend blocked them for repeatedly triggering them#something said friend mentioned as being why they were leaving in their parting messages#fucking with me ill get over. fucking with my friends i will ALWAYS be willing to throw hands over#anyway yeah if thats the motherfucker i think it is get the fuck out and never speak to me again#if it's not: thanks? i think?
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i started a sourdough starter and i've been having so much fun with it!! pics under the cut ha i've never made bread on my own so it all looks a mess. it feels so cool to make all my food home made cause yesterday i made my own salsa and i also cooked some other stuff too and the sourdough cookies which are giving gourmet bitch so i just felt so good. and full!! anyway the bread is okay. it's definitely bread, so it's good! it doesn't taste at all like my grandma's sourdough tho, but i'm not surprised cause her starter smells completely different than mine! uh the plain one is hard and it didn't raise quite as much but i think i accidentally used a lil too much flour. the garlic italian seasoning one is the perfect texture tho!!
i included the picture of the salsa bc look at the size of that lime it was the same size as one of the oranges i have never seen one that big!!
#i have a headache and my astigmatism is bothering me but my glasses are making it worse which is new#like i don't think they're the right prescription but i didn't think they were that bad. way too late to take them back tho....#my neighbor is blasting music at the highest volume on her sound system at 11:30pm it's so annoying#yesterday i had a friend over and her kids and my neighbor was pounding on the floor the whole time for idek how many hours#she overstayed her welcome but i wouldn't have been so unwelcoming if not that every time her kids walked around#my neighbor pounded on the fucking floor several times as hard as possible. every. single. fucking. time. they walked anywhere#like i can kinda get it for the kids because they move quickly so their steps are louder but like she does it when i walk around sometimes#not every day but way too often. it's honestly traumatizing and triggering and i literally have to walk on eggshells and she still does it#even though i step softly. and i'm not the one who fuCKING BLASTS MUSIC ALL THE GOD DAMNED TIME LATE AT NIGHT#she is also really nasty to me any time i run into her and if i walk outside my apartment she will like drag her dog back in asap#and she also has all out knock down drag out fights with her son who she is mooching off of.#anyway i have never done anything to her i've never even spoken to her i would smile at her before she started being a bitch#it's so fucking miserable living over a loudly and vitriolicly insane person. i wish she would move out if she's so unhappy but of course#like i said! she's mooching off her son so. she can't afford to move! god i'd love to help her but she doesn't want help she wants#to be the main character and make damn sure every single person around her is as miserable as she is if she can help it#and like girl i fucking get it i am a miserable bitch believe you me everything pisses me off! i hate life i hate existing!#but like at least i have the decency to not make it everyone else's problem! damn i'm not her mama i'm not the one#responsible for her existence so why does she have to take it out on me!? she even takes it out on her son she makes him insane#and he sure as shit isn't responsible for her existence nah it's the other way around. so i don't fucking understand what anyone else owes#her!!!!!#but damn if she's so miserable i could help her and i would in a heartbeat and she fucking hates my guts.
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