#ships I like and no... Nobody nees to like my ships - live and let live

[outofmemory]

Thank you for answering my ask! 💜

FIRST OF ALL!!! Uncas/ Alice from Last of the Mohicans movie YES!!!! 100% YES!!!!! 💜💜💜

Ok, back to business 😆

I do not know any of the foreing TV shows you mentioned 😅 All the shows I consume are actually foreing, because my country is quite small and I do not really like any shows they produce 😒

But if we talk about Western/USA made shows, here are some of my ships (I will use your list as a guide 😉, canon and not canon pairings by the way, most of them are not canon to be honest 🤣): Marvel: Bucky/Darcy (I do not even know if they actually meet in canon 🤣 Top 10 ships) Steve/Natasha Meredith Quill/Yondu Udonta Madisynn King/Wong (She-Hulk TV)

The Expanse (TV): Amos Burton/Praxidike Meng

Punisher (Netflix): Frank Castle/Karen Page

The Martian (movie): Mindy Park/Mark Watney

Alien (Covenant): Daniels/Walter (do I need to move this ship down to problematic? 🤔)

Pride and Prejudice: Mary Bennet/Original Male Character (I just love to read about Mary and how she goes through life and maybe finds love)

Hobbit (Movies): Fíli/Sigrid (.... problematic age gap category? 🤔 Top 10 ships) Kìli/Tauriel (.... same problem as above? 🤔)

Gosford Park (movie): Mary MacEaachran/Robert Parks

Fargo (TV): Nikki Swango/Mr. Wrench

The Bear (TV): Sydney/Carmen (Like one of my top 10 ships!)

T U A (TV): Five/Lila (that's how we know each other 😉, Top 10 ships!)

Game of Thrones (TV and books): Brienne/Jaime Shireen Baratheon/Rickon Stark (they did not die! both are alive and well and when they are adults they will marry and live a happy life until both of them die together in their sleep of old age! YES I still have feelings about them, very strong ones! FUCK the TV show!!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬)

The Gentlemen (movie): Coach/Raymond Smith

Bridgerton (I only watched season 1!): Anthony/Penelope

Star Wars: Rey/Kylo Ren (Rise of Skywalker does not exist, Rey is still a nobody, fuck the whole story line that only special people/born of a special line of yedi/sith can be powerful! Fuck that storyline!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬)

Pitch (TV): Ginny/Mike

Karppi (Deadwind -TV): Sofia Karppi/Sakari Nurmi (Top 10 ships)

Elona (Netflix Movies): Edith Grayston/Sherlock Holmes

Top Gun (movie): Robert "Bob" Floyd/Natasha "Phoenix" Trace (Bob is such a supportive co-pilot 💜💜💜)

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel: Midge/Lenny

Star Trek Voyager: Icheb/Naomi Wildman Icheb/Q Junior (... problematic age gap?🤔)

Good Omen: Beelzebub/Gabriel Eric (Disposable Demon)/Muriel

Debris (TV): Bryan Beneventi/Finola Jones (Top 10 ships)

Willow (TV): Elora Danan/Graydon Hastur (Top 10 ships)

So to the more problematic pairings, because their canon power dynamics are kinda fucked up:

American Gods (TV): Laura Moon/Mad Sweeny (Top 10 ships)

Sicario: Alejandro Gillick/Kate Macer

Mad Max Fury Road: Slit/Toast the Knowing (do not know why I ship them, I just do. Found some great ffs and now they are my ship in the fandom 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️)

Good Girls (TV): Beth/Rio Eddie/Annie

Harry Potter: Hermione/Draco

Wednesday (TV): Wednesday Addams/Tyler Galpin

Knives out: Marta Cabrera/Ransom Drysdale

Succession (TV): Lukas Matsson/Shiobhan "Shiv" Roy (I found one extremly good ff and that sparked this pairing for me! And let's acknowledge that both of them are terrible, terrible people, just ... so terrible 😤)

The problematic ones with age gap (so people can shit on my taste 😅):

New Year's Eve (movie): Ingrid [o]/Paul [y] (I just like their dynamics, what can I say 😅)

Firefly (TV): Jayne Cobb [o]/River Tam [y] (It is always a plus if the younger female character could kill her partner without even getting sweaty, and I do mean literally kill him 😊) River is such a great character, I love her a lot 💜

The Walking Dead: Daryl [o]/Beth [y] (again, I just like their dynamics, what can I say 😅 They made each other better people, I like that a lot in a pairing. )

Split/Glass (movie): You thought your pairing was problematic 😅 Mine is, besides Casey[y]/Kevin[o], Casey[y]/Dennis [o] 😆

Mare of Easttown (TV): Mare [o]/Colin [y]

Euphoria: ADULT!!!!! (so we do not misunderstand each other!)-Ashtray [y]/ADULT!!!!!Cassie Howard [o] (nobody dies, everybody get's be a an adult and have an adult relationship that is not abusive, looking at you Nate! That MF! 🤬🤬🤬)

Game of Thrones (TV): ADULT!!!/QUEEN OF THE NORTH!!!-Sansa Stark/Sandor Clegane (HELLO, HELLO!!! 🚨🚨🚨🚨ADULT SANSA!!!! Let it be known!!! ADULT-SANSA!!!! Top 10 ships!)

Extra category of "problematic"??? Fallout (TV): Cooper Howard[o+ghoul]/Lucy MacLean [y] (because age gap and ghoul?!?! 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️, Top 10 ships!🤣)

So this list ends here 😆 Definitly not complete BUT very, very long 🤣 I do not know if you find any other pairing you would like on my list. But maybe one or two 😉

💜💜💜

Hi, so you do not have to publish your respond or answer at all 😉 But beside Five x Lila and Brienne x Jaime what other pairings do you ship? Much love 💜

Hi! 👋🏻

I don’t mind answering- the main thing I use tumblr for is appreciating and talking about ships that I love so it’s not an issue to answer this by any means :)

I haven’t watched a ton of new shows lately, mostly rewatching older favorites or watching new-to-me-but-not-new-this-year foreign tv shows. But I will put a few below (I liked the main couple in the foreign shows) and some of my older ships after that! 😊

Foreign TV shows (I don’t often find a lot of fanfic/ fan art for foreign TV shows comparatively but I loved these series):

-Love Between Fairy and Devil (cdrama)

-The Manny (Mexican TV show)

-Hidden Love (cdrama)

-Strong Woman Do Bong Soon (kdrama)

-Ever Night (cdrama)

-Love, Now (Taiwan drama)

-Tale of the Nine-Tailed (kdrama)

-Happiness (kdrama)

-Mischievous Kiss (jdrama)

-Boys Over Flowers (kdrama, but I like Ji Hoo/ Jan Di instead of the main couple of Joon Pyo/ Jan Di)

And several others, but those are the ones I remember at the moment.

Main ships from American and/ or western shows and movies (though I probably like others from the same franchise too):

-Marvel: Steve/ Peggy and Clint/ Natasha are my main ships. I really enjoy Bucky/ Sam too, but I haven’t ventured to them quite as much.

-Barney/ Robin from How I Met Your Mother

-Penelope and Colin from Bridgerton. Really liked Kate/ Anthony too.

-Carol/Daryl from The Walking Dead followed by Rick/ Michonne (admittedly I slowly lost interest in the series after Glenn died, & I think I mainly stopped watching after Carl died. But I love the ship still)

-Tony/ Ziva from NCIS

-Deeks/ Kensi from NCIS LA

-Rollins/ Carisi from SVU followed by Benson/ Barbara. (All 3 of which, NCIS/ NCIS LA/ SVU, I didn’t finish or don’t really keep up with regularly)

-Harry/ Hermione from Harry Potter

-Penny/ Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory (I probably stopped watching regularly after season 5 though)

-Chloe/ Oliver from Smallville

-Enola/ Tewksbury from Enola Holmes TV show

-Uncas/ Alice from Last of the Mohicans movie

-Casey/ Kevin from Split & Glass (they’re one of my more problematic ships, TBH)

Cartoons/ Anime/ Comics:

-Starfire/ Robin from 2003 Teen Titans cartoon & the 1980s comics & live action tv show, also known as Dick/ Kory followed by Beast Boy/ Raven (or Garfield/ Rachel)

-Bruce/ Selina (pretty much any Batman universe I’ve seen)

-Naruto/ Hinata from Naruto. Shikamaru and Temari are a secondary fav for me.

-Ichigo/Orihime from Bleach. I also like Renji/ Rukia.

-Toph/ Zuko from Avatar the Last Airbender, but I prefer them as a post-original series couple. She’s too young for me to want them together during the show. Katara/ Aang.

Pretty much any of the studio Ghibli main characters, though there are still a few films I need to see…

Honorable mention to Lily/ Sebastian in the Love, Lies, & Hocus Pocus book series I’m currently reading…

There’s probably a ton of other ones (certainly there are more shows/ movies I love that I don’t necessarily have a ship for or that I just didn’t have a ship I went to fanfic for) but these were the ships I most remember from growing up and/or from reading fanfic/ fan art in the last 10 years or so…

What about you? What are some of your ships? I don’t suppose we have any other overlapping ships or shows, do we?

And much love right back at you! 🩵

[the-firebird69]

2024 Della Terra LE 255BHLE Travel Trailer by East to West On Sale (RVN28141) (couchsrvnation.com)

These are priced very well 30 grand for this is not too bad 28 or 27 grand is nicer but it's worth it this is a house and you can stay places for quite awhile and you have to pay a rent but the rent is not very high these days And they can't make it every month but this is nice. Has a lot of sleeping room in this model 2 bedrooms and it has or is this the one with one bedroom but anyways you can sleep a bunch of people in these and it's not that uncomfortable it's a little bit but you can also have little meetings in the living room setting which is nice and you have a fridge there and some big one and you can have a cookout outside and people get the drink straight there in the counter it's not a hassle and the way it's laid out is you can actually see the TV and people use it for computer stuff all the time it is extremely common now for almost everybody you see to use it our son is even uses it and he is using it quite a bit before it makes it easier to see. But we recommend you purchases in Illinois up in the unpleasant west that's the only problem but the ship down here and you guys can get it and we do need you to get the hell out of here you might think about going the St Laurent and one of them is closer they have a dealership and just keep bringing them they're very convenient they're easy to transport on the ship and it doesn't cost much. So we're going ahead and posting so you can get this out to you or this. There's a bunch of dealerships and a bunch of different brands up there in the price range is around this you won't find anything cheaper and our son paid about $18,000 for his small very used camper. This is very big and not used you do need AF350 or better for this particular model unless you have a diesel then you need AF250

Thor Freya

Olympus

we use thiese need them too

Nuada Arrianna

we move them out and buy them tons of them need it now. and for a few reasons. now too

Mac daddy nd we take the airport campers ridicullous behavior and tommy f your out. move your ships

the earth is downt to 83 shiops and slowly they leave or are pused out well are poushed out.

Thor Freya

no way i stay and you cant hve my car nobody can

john cena

we go to court now anyways john cena for many reasons one is the car it is a stoen design. and we find yours and take them have been since day one. are ours.

Bitol and Goddess Wife

we use this need it now

Thor Freya

my car nobody will take it least of all him and such....

tommy f

ok trump junior. your soooo vehement you win stuff lol like more lead for your head. and we take the car y ou cannot stop us your pidly little now. and the design you can have the original. we dont nee it. but we do need the design back.

Zues Hera

we worked on it together and ok each party cn make them. so what i take them all back. now too. and the ones you make.

tommy f

we took some and so did trump but some big mouths are on and ok their design tons of stuff is and i see you take it back. nobody builds regular stuff so what shall we do. let them and your done tommy f directing it on them screaming your ccar it is not you did squat too

mac daddy

Olympus

you dont have to speak trump we go to court this week over the car and other like al his cars designs inventions. and bury you with court stuff the govt takes you down.

Bitol and Goddess Wife

[certified-ultimate-simp]

heyyy loriii. so you said any character so may i have general shu fluff hcs? heal my soul.

{Hello my dearest Mari-chan~ Yes, I did say that and I'll be happy to fulfill your request in order to heal that wonderful soul of yours. I apologize for any oocness that may occur, research can only do so much, I'm afraid. So don't be afraid to point out anything that may be amiss to you, you do know this man more than I ever could}

Genre: General fluff hc's

Ship: Shu Itsuki x gn!reader

- Given the fact that Shu doesn't do well in facing the crowds under lives, I can see him sort of looking around to find you the entire time. And whenever he manages to spot you, he feels a little better about being in front of crowds.

- I know this one may be overused, but it's something everyone can see, I'm sure. That is, Shu entrusting nobody else but you with Mademoiselle, allowing you to hold her when he's busy with something. Safe to say, you both know and agree that Mado-nee is comfortable in your hands, and she knows it, too.

- Mademoiselle knows that you are the best thing to ever happen to Shu, so she has no qualms about being held by you for any amount of time, which makes both you and Shu very happy to hear

- We all know this man is going to want to dress you up, I mean come on. It's only natural. You're his precious s/o, why wouldn't he? But no matter how beautiful the outfit, Shu believes that they only serve to bring out your inner and outer beauty. As such, and he won't admit this very easily, you will always be the most radiant and unique form of art he has ever layed eyes on.

- If he wants to surprise you with an outfit, he will. Trust me, he will. Othertimes, if he wants you to be there, he'll ask first. He doesn't want you to be uncomfortable in any way, so if he has to ask to dress you up, he's going to. In front of people, not verbally of course but when it's only the two of you, I can see him verbally asking to let him dress you up.

- "When we get back today, I have the perfect outfit to dress you up in," is what I can almost quite literally hear him saying when you two are in public. To others, it may seem like he's forcing the idea of dressing up on you, but the silent 'if you want' is something you can pick up easily, and it always makes him happy when you agree to the idea.

- Now this hc of mine is particularly cute. We all know this man needs cuddles. And plenty of them. But I imagine after a particularly hard day, he's stressed, he needs your love, and he needs to rant. Normally he would be embarrassed, but if he's laying on your lap, ranting about the hardships of his day while you run your fingers through his hair and listen, he finds it's not so bad. He appreciates it tremendously, and he will leave little gifts for you to show it. So be sure to thank him, dears!

- When it comes to recieving gifts from you, handmade or otherwise, you know he's gonna scrutinize it. He'll try to find any sort of mistake that could have been made during the creating process, but if you know where to look, he keeps the gifts in perfect condition and hidden away to look at later. Unless it's food, cause he'll eat it no matter what. It's from you, he's not going to waste it, so don't you dare ever think otherwise!

- When it comes to pda in public, I can see him not really being all for it. Maybe some general hand holding, or quick pecks on the cheek but that's about it. But when you two are alone, he's affectionate, definitely. Cuddles, kisses, you name it. He may be embarrassed about it, but he loves giving and recieving affection. Lord knows he needs more of it for sure. So be sure to give him plenty, you hear?

That's all I have for this! I hope you enjoyed it, my dearest Mari-chan, and please feel free to request again! I'll be happy to fulfill your desires! If anything seems off, please let me know and I will write it down for future reference. Thank you for requesting, dolly dear, and do come again! Bye bye~

[hasufin]

Killing the Grassroots

My spouse and I were talking this morning about, of all things, lesbian and gay bars, and how they’re dying out.

I was reminded of something in the tech sector. There’s a saying: “Embrace. Extend. Extinguish.” It’s a method which big companies use to quash non-corporate innovation. Let me give you an example.

Let’s suppose you’re looking at social media. Y’know, like this. And you notice that all of our creativity is getting channeled into very narrow routes, censored to be palatable to as broad a market as possible, while the entirety of our social interaction is being analyzed for monetization and sold off.

Now suppose some group of hackers said “No, not a fan of this.” And they decide to build a resilient network of independent social media servers with a shared protocol in which there’s no central authority. Cool, right? This actually exists, BTW. It’s called the Fediverse. However, setting up a Fedi server is... not easy. I’m not going to say hard, and I’m sure there are a few people who will howl at the suggestion that it’s not the simplest thing ever, but the reality is, it takes some decent sysadmin chops and resources which many people don’t have and don’t know how to acquire.

Now let’s suppose a big tech company - say, Alphabet nee Google - looks at the Fediverse and says “Hey! That’s money on the table! There’s profit to be made there! How dare that exist without being stripmined for every dollar!” and they decide they’re going to Do Something about it. Okay, what? Well... they decide to offer Fediverse as a service. While you and I can’t just set up a Fedi server, for Google that’s super easy. They start providing a free Fedi instance up to a certain number of users: sign up, select your settings, and go to town. You can have your own fully compliant Fedi instance in less time than it takes to get a quote from Geico. This is the embrace part. And it looks pretty cool. Fedi usage skyrockets. Which is great, because social media lives and breathes the user base - innumerable social media platforms have died of “But nobody uses it, so I don’t use it.”

Then, Alphabet starts “improving” it. Their Fedi instances now have functionality which the base book version doesn’t. Maybe it comes with access to a media server so people can upload images or video. Maybe improved user management tools, or an AI which makes moderation easier. Stuff that a big company like Alphabet can offer trivially but a bunch of hackers doing stuff in their spare time cannot. This is the Extend part. Having these features - including some which don’t entirely break general compatibility but which aren’t possible with non-Alphabet instances - means more and more people, eventually the majority of Fedi users, are on Alphabet-owned Fedi instances.

Then, Alphabet announces that they absolutely must change major underlying aspects of the Fedi protocol to support newer functionality. And they’re very sorry, but it won’t be backwards compatible. But, they’re graciously migrating all the Alphabet instances to the new Fedi 2.0 protocol starting today! At this point, users either accept they are now on Alphabet’s social media platform, or they jump ship only to discover that all the non-Alphabet Fedi instances have withered and died. This is the Extinguish part.

What does this have to do with Gay and Lesbian bars?

Obviously, I think there’s a similar dynamic.

See, “We don’t want those queer bars around here” is kinda a nonstarter.nowadays. That kind of blatant homophobia is not so tolerated anymore. (And, honestly, I don’t think it’s necessarily about homophobia, at least among the people with money and power. It’s more about greed, and I’ll get to that in a bit).

But what does happen, in areas which used to be notable for gay and lesbian and general queer and alternative nightlife is, they get trendy. They become gentrified. More, trendier bars and gastropubs open up. The rents start going up. If a venue wants to stay in business they have to broaden their appeal. They end up dropping the aspects which appealed to alternative communities in order to get more mainstream business. It may not matter, of course: often a venue finds the building sold out from under them, bought by a development firm which intends to turn it into a mixed-use building with a craft burger joint and brewery, a health food store, and three stories of luxury condos above them.

The net result is, you go to Q Street in DC. Are there bars there? Yes. Do people still go to those bars? Yes. Do those bars retain any of the character which put that area on the map? No. Are those bars appealing to the people who made the area notable? Not even a little.

Now, I don’t think big companies are, as a general rule, homophobic or ideologically opposed to alternative subcultures. I think for the most part when they say they want to be inclusive they sincerely mean it. However, they honestly have no idea how to do that. The corporate animal exists in a world where profit is the primary if not sole motivation. Their notion of diversity is to put up a pride flag once a year; their notion of a safe space is post a code of conduct. And they are completely baffled as to why these things don’t work. But, so long as they’re making money, they’re not exactly interested in changing anything, either. Their goal was never to destroy alternative spaces, it was simply to consume them and extract maximum profit.

Remember: corporations are not your friends.

[phoenixyfriend]

The Naruto/Frozen Crossover

So I was planning on just doing an image ID thing for this post, but apparently the formatting on desktop is such a mess that it’s easier to just make a new post that’s text only. I can also like. Bulletpoint it so that it can be a little neater. All ideas were made with @firebirdeternal​‘s help, because they are the most efficient enabler I have.

Also I added some bits at the end.

Under a cut, because it’s Long As Heck.

I originally had two options: either Mid-teens Elsa and Anna being transported to ninja land sometime pre-canon and running into Haku and Zabuza... or just like. Born as a Daimyou's daughters.

Spoiler alert, we’ve got nukenin and I’m a sucker for an intrusive crossover, so transported to ninja land it is.

Suggestion from Birdie:

Mechanism for crossover: Elsa ices over a Wishing Well by accident after having Wished for someone else who understood her, Anna and her fall in and get Ice Mirror Portaled to Ninjaland, falling out of an iced over pond near a shrine that Haku recently prayed at for similar lonely child reasons?

Which I like! They don’t end up there soon enough to run into Haku, because I want a dramatic chase first, but I like it.

Obviously, Anna is forced to learn about Elsa's powers because it's the only thing keeping them safe

Or at least alive

(Elsa will do ANYTHING to keep Anna safe, and if that means she has to get her hands dirty...)

...neither of them knows Japanese, so, you know. There’s that.

I'm thinking that they end up in/near Kiri at first

And they aren't FAST ENOUGH to get away so Elsa panic-enchants a giant reindeer made of snow to run away across the suddenly-frozen ocean.

She and Anna have to ride and Elsa is probably crying the whole time.

Oh shit this is like. RIGHT after their parents die, I forgot. So that’s a thing! They are in mourning and all that fun stuff.

Point is, they use the powers for a Self Defense thing and BBY Haku is just !!! "Master can we rescue them for Ice Cousin reasons?" Zabuza: Yes, and only for those practical reasons and not because I collect endangered children like people collect pokemon cards.

I imagine that maybe they track rumors of a Yuki-onna down, or the Giant Snow Reindeer rides by and Haku’s just like Wat

The girls just tag along with Zabuza because. Like.

Do they like him? No. Do they trust him? No. Do they enjoy the fact that he considers them pathetic civilians? No.

However, Haku is Baby.

Zabuza is REALLY annoyed at them being Useless Civilian Royals “but Haku likes them so I guess they can stay.”

Age at meeting, three years pre-canon:

Zabuza - 23

Elsa - 18

Anna - 15

Haku - 12

Elsa is 90% anxiety/depression master combo BUT if Zabzua protects her then she's WILDLY dangerous so like. Whatever

Elsa's bingo book nickname options, uninspired:

Winter Witch

Winter Queen

Ice Queen

Snow Queen

Something about a Yuki-Onna maybe

She's Very Stately and kinda breakable but Winter is her Bitch

I mean like, the fact that, if protected, she can shut down the agriculture of a fucking country? That's an S-rank even if she's not that useful in a fight.

She's like. Jinchuuriki-level destruction. Generally speaking she wouldn’t. But she could.

Elsa: What the fuck is a chakra? Elsa: my snow monsters are self-sustaining. Elsa: I'm gonna build us a house.

Zabuza has NO idea how her powers work and it is INCREDIBLY frustrating but “there’s no chakra cost to keep these things going and we have shelters on demand” is too convenient to question after a while.

Haku: Delicate, deadly, incredibly fast ninja work. Elsa: I can't dodge a kunai but watch me wreck your entire country's ecosystem in under a day.

Elsa is a siege weapon.

Meanwhile, Anna is really, really into the physicality of ninja practice.

She's clumsy and she's not very good at ninja stuff, but she sure is determined!

Anna also gets on Zabuza's nerves because she keeps insisting that Haku get to be a kid.

Anna: Let's make flower crowns! Zabuza: No, he needs to train, not- Anna: FLOWER CROWNS

Consider: Haku saying Elsa-nee-sama and Anna-hime.

Or just calling Elsa “onee-sama.”

Anna is also younger than Elsa and way more Fun so she probably gets adjusted to Anna-chan or Nee-chan.

If Zabuza calls Elsa “Hime-chan” or “Elsa-hime” or, Sage forbid, “Elsa-sama/dono” then he’s VERY MUCH making fun of her and he’s probably getting his soup frozen that night.

At one point, Elsa... tries to like. Convince herself to have a crush on Zabuza or Kakashi or something until Zabuza just puts a hand on her shoulder and asks "do you even like men?" "...that's an OPTION?"

Zabuza urging her to try and ask out a Cute Kunoichi and Elsa's like.... I can't decide if she's bright red and a useless lesbian or uncomfortable and ace.

I am SO invested in the siege weapon thing.

SHE IS THE SQUISHIEST WIZARD.

It's not her fault that every single other combatant on the continent is Massively Dangerous in melee! She took a very traditional back-line build!

Enemy: Doesn't it GRATE to protect someone so pathetic, Zabuza? Zabuza: She literally froze an entire castle of enemies to death because they harmed her sister, so. No.

Most Ninjas: Sharp Knife. S-Rank Mega Ninjas: Gun. Elsa: High Yield Explosive Rocket Launcher. Literally loses fights to the Knife People, because she can't bring her power to bear on that scale. But if you can give her Time and Prep? No contest.

Long distance AoE

Like  you know how Nagato is literally dying of starvation due to illness and can't walk, but he's also capable of leveling powerful villages more or less on his own?

Elsa is the same Vibe.

It’s like sealing a bijuu in a civilian.

She's honestly both more and less powerful? Like it'd be hard for her to kill everyone in Konoha in the snap of a finger? But also, she could starve out the Country of Fire in a summer.

She WOULDN'T, but she could.

I always read Elsa as gay or ace but my brain keeps trying to ship her with dude ninjas and I have to yank it back on a child leash.

People insinuate that Zabuza is interested in Elsa and he's just "What? Ew she's like five."

"I'm eighteen."

"Five."

BUT

Elsa! Might mistake trust and companionship for a crush!

I can see THAT happening despite gay/ace.

Also like. I don’t think Zabuza is straight.

So mlm/wlw solidarity?

And Haku is probs genderqueer.

So Anna is THE TOKEN STRAIGHT.

Anna is like, the Straight Friend who will go to the mat for her queer friends. Like vicious. In-your-face barking like a mean dog at people who were being bigots.

You know how Elsa in the second movie uses her powers to make toys for kids out of ice?

Okay, so her practicing by making things with Haku.

But yeah, Elsa can't really do "throws ice senbon," but she can do Delicate Geometry Things since she apparently, canonically studies math for fun and loves fractals.

Haku: I can trap you in a prison of ice mirrors, and you are at my mercy. Elsa: LOOK AT THIS CASTLE I MADE???

Haku wants to do Pretty Things like Elsa

OH.

Elsa makes... snow bunnies..

For the ninja distraction reasons but also because it's a Soft Thing that makes her feel better about, uh, everything. And Haku likes bunnies.

Zabuza still takes The Dirty Missions but Elsa gets upset when he does something that hurts innocents and Nobody wants Elsa upset. Even Zabuza doesn't want Elsa upset.

When Elsa gets upset, overnight accommodations are suddenly Very Uncomfortable for everyone except her and Haku.

And then Anna gets upset, which makes Elsa even MORE upset.

And then things just keep getting colder.

Zabuza doesn't want Elsa upset for many reasons, not limited to: "Is actually capable of killing me from outside of Sword Range if she's mad enough, even if it’s not that easy" and "the Small Children would be unbearably sad if she died and honestly so might I."

She's more of a friend than a ward and he's not entirely sure he's okay with that.

Zabuza: "Ew, friendship."

He has absolutely no idea how to have a social interaction with people he isn't Bullying, Raising, or Threatening to Kill.

Elsa and Anna have no trouble convincing people they're related, at least. Different coloration with almost identical bone structure.

A tendency to burst into song when they feel emotions.

Identical weird accent that nobody can place.

FOOD

The girls are royalty, they don't know how to COOK.

But they also want food from HOME.

It's a lot of trial and error.

More error than not, since they have both no knowledge and also a language barrier to overcome. It probably takes YEARS before they can describe things like Unfamiliar Flavors well enough for people to say "OH that sounds like spearmint."

When they run into something they know that’s familiar, it’s life-changing.

Chocolate is more common in the elemental nations than in Arandelle and Anna may or may not cry about it.

Anna is loudly bossy, even at Zabuza.

Zabuza is gruffly commanding, to everyone.

Elsa doesn't actually like being in charge, but when she talks, people LISTEN.

(Haku is just happy to be here.)

Elsa radiates two things: Anxiety, and Natural Command, and she basically just fluctuates between those.

"I don't want to be in charge but also I'm vetoing this."

So, obviously, the main reasons that Zabuza keeps the girls around is that Elsa is a living siege weapon and he thinks she could be convinced to help him run a revolution in Kiri, and also that the Ice Queen schtick is like. Really good for Haku and Zabuza can’t really say no to the kid.

HOWEVER, Anna is clumsy and messy and all that, so Zabuza starts training her in Ninja stuff. Elsa joins in on the “I need to know how to Run Fast to get away from fights I don’t want to have in the first place,” but Anna’s the one that’s like “TEACH ME HOW TO SWORD.”

It’s honestly not that hard to teach her, she’s just really, really, REALLY enthusiastic.

Once or twice someone asks why she’s so bad at this yet running around with an A-rank nukenin and Zabuza’s just like “I’ve only had her for a year and a half, shut up!” because it’s not that he’s a bad teacher, it’s that she was a very pampered civilian until like a week before he met her.

He should get a MEDAL for even getting her to low Chuunin.

Zabuza: I'm taking a job from Gato Elsa, who has Training in economics and politics and bureaucracy: I have a better idea.

This is actually not entirely what I’d do but I wanted to make the joke first ANYWAY here’s an actual plot or something.

Oh, also by this point everyone is Canon Ages so Elsa’s 21 and Anna’s 18 and Zabuza’s 26 and Haku’s 15.

Elsa is getting paid to keep the water from interfering with construction, by way of....

ICE COFFERDAM

Elsa with Haku as her Guard while Zabuza is off running his own mission? Which Anna begged to go on because Cool.

Elsa also kind of keeps her involvement on the ice front semi-secret by claiming she’s there as an engineering consultant.

LISTEN canon made her like geometry, I can ENTIRELY believe she’d be excited about the bridge-building.

Gato has hired someone else on the danger level of Zabuza, who is Threatening to Team 7 + Haku? But then when things look bleak Anna and Zabuza arrive and then Scary Sword Man is on our side and oh dear that's a lot of blood.

Which, you know, fun!

Birdie suggested Raiga which I’m not feeling but I do feel the need to bring up as an option.

It’s also not Kisame BUT

Kisame: [giant lake dome filled with sharks]

Elsa: uhhhhhhhhhhh...

Giant lake dome: [is now a giant ice dome]

Anyway

Gato: I'm hiring an army. Elsa: [giant ice wall around his compound] Gato: ... these guys can walk up walls! Elsa: [adds snowman guards] Elsa: ... Elsa: [adds a ceiling]

Just puts Gato's entire mob in a fucking snow globe.

Zabuza shows up twenty minutes late with (Throwing) Star(buck)s just like "Oh, they dead? No? Want 'em to be? Okay cool I'm gonna go pick up Haku, I'll be back in like an hour."

Anna would... LOVE Naruto

ENERGETIC FRIENDLY GOOFBALL

"I found us a baby brother!" "No, we already have Haku." "BUT LOOK AT HIM."

Anna is only a year or two older than Itachi.

OH RIGHT

I wanted to make a joke about how Naruto also vibes with her because he's less judgmental that she can't really... talk properly.

Sasuke is Judgy and Kakashi is Paranoid and Sakura is Uncomfortable.

Meanwhile Naruto is just like "And I Shall Scream."

Anna, who learned Japanese from Zabuza (rude) and Haku (uber polite): WELL FUCK YOU, GOOD SIR Naruto: YEAH WELL FUCK YOU TOO, LADY Elsa, overly formal: I am... so very sorry.

Anyway, generic missing nin fights and all that.

Elsa gets injured in the process and after a variety of arguments, Naruto manages to convince them to take her to Konoha for medical attention.

Elsa is... usually the one getting injured.

Zabuza and Haku are FAST and Anna is at least learning (even if she’s only been doing it for three years), but Elsa is The Squishy Wizard.

If someone throws a kunai... she can’t... really dodge...

So yeah, gut wound.

Normally they find a nukenin medic to patch them up but Konoha is reasonably close and has some of the more skilled medics on the continent and they DID technically help the Konoha nin so like. Gah.

That’s Zabuza’s final thought. Gah.

Just “Fuck it, let’s save the ice queen.”

Elsa ends up in a half-literal-ice stasis state on the way there and it’s happened before (it is not the first time she’s been stabbed), but it’s always terrifying.

Especially to the Konoha genin who are just like WHAT THE HECK IS THAT.

So they get to Konoha, there’s a whole bunch of stuff about extradition treaties and “you are bringing a literal WMD of a woman into our town” and “we can’t just let MOMOCHI ZABUZA in.”

Anyway, it ends up being that Zabuza has to wait outside the village while Elsa is treated inside, and one of the Teenagers goes in. Obviously, it’s Anna, because Zabuza is INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE with letting Haku enter a village that’s known for having lots of bloodlines, and anyway, Anna’s the sister.

Bunch of stuff, she’s healing, etc, and then one day Anna comes in and is told “your sister had a bad reaction to the anesthetic, we couldn’t save her, I’m sorry, she’s gone.”

She flips out, gets shown the corpse, flips out MORE, gets escorted out to the village walls where Zabuza and Haku are waiting.

Horrified reactions

Zabuza doesn’t want to admit that it’s EMOTIONS because this is his FRIEND, he is clearly just upset about losing the living siege weapon.

Haku is just super confused and goes “But she’s not dead.”

“What.”

“She’s not dead, I can feel her, I can always feel her, it’s like sensing but just her, because we’re both ice. She’s alive, somewhere over... there?”

And points right in the direction of the Hokage Mountain, which for the purposes of this fic and also Drama is where ROOT headquarters is.

YEP we absolutely have that plot point.

Is Danzo overused as a plot device? Probably. Am I going to diabolus ex machina him anyway? Ye.

They kick up enough of a fuss that the Hokage gets called down.

He wouldn’t, normally, he’d leave it to a couple of skilled jounin and call it a day, except Naruto got involved so like. You can’t. Ignore that.

There’s lots of shouting.

Just like. A lot.

And then part of the mountain explodes!

AS ONE DOES

Elsa comes flying backwards out of the hole, catches herself on a spontaneous ice slide, gets to her feet.

Girl is swaying like MAD.

There are absolutely ANBU (both fake and real) coming after her.

At least one of them gets speared through by an ice spike.

Anna runs up to her, tries to hug her, gets batted away.

Elsa’s staring at her in sheer TERROR and starts muttering something about how Anna died years ago, this isn’t real, etc.

Nobody except Anna understands most of it, but Haku picks up enough to translate when Anna’s freaking out.

Elsa starts doing her Ice Castle thing in the middle of Konoha as a coping mechanism, mostly so she can get Up and Away and Shielded By Ice.

This is not a good look.

Especially because she’s singing, which Zabuza always thinks is a bad omen because it means shit is getting real and one or both of the girls are about to get a powerup or be beaten even harder than otherwise. When they start singing, things get More Dramatic And Extreme).

(Zabuza does not like Disney Musical Rules)

Danzo shows up.

There’s a bunch of arguing.

All the medics insist that nothing she was given at the hospital should have caused amnesia, psychosis, hallucinations, delusions, etc.

It’s. Not hard for Hiruzen to guess what happened.

Namely that Danzo, upon finding out that chakra dampeners didn’t do shit since none of Elsa’s powers come from chakra, decided to keep her drugged up and start using genjutsu to make her more malleable.

Because like. An injured WMD just showed up in your village. What are you supposed to do, not try to kidnap her and turn her to your side? Like, come on. What was he supposed to do?

Not that, Danzo. Literally Not That.

IDK how it gets resolved, probably Anna getting to her with the power of love, because Elsa is ultimately Super Disney.

I also don’t really know where to go from there other than “Maybe Jiraiya can get you home, but also I’m pretty sure Zabuza wants you all to get the hell out of here and take over Kiri” but who knows.

Also

IMAGINE ELSA MEETING GAI.

Imagine Ino getting a puppy crush on Elsa.

IDK that’s it for now.

[mccall-me-maurice]

Hey, do you write for your ocs? I’d be interested 👀👀

uM yeah I do actually!

So as of right now, I can ramble a bit about them and pray nobody really cares BWHAHSJDJDJ

Finn -> He/Him, 22 years old, Pansexual, and a Physics major. Really chaotic and honestly super into sports. Specifically Basketball and Volleyball. He can be arrogant at times and also slightly oblivious. He has heterochromia that you can’t see from how I drew him, and he’s super fun to be around! He also has a grudge against Atlas.

Atlas -> He/Him/They, 21 years old, Homosexual, and an English major. Very sweet to people he trusts, a bit of an introvert. Scarred on his cheek from an accident involving a hunting trip and a pocket knife. He hates Finn because he finds him too arrogant and selfish.

River -> He/Him mostly but really doesn’t care, 22 years old, Bisexual, and a Business Major. He’s a bit of an introvert, sarcastic, and is a tad bit of a germaphobe. He wears a mask, gloves, the whole nine. However, he still lets other people touch him. He’s pretty good with jokes and is easily annoyed.

Ryder -> He/Him, 23 years old, Questioning, and a Photography Major. Hor nee I really have no way to describe him other than that. He’s very outgoing and friendly to those who are nice back. He’s also super overworked and chasing a passion he’s constantly told won’t get him anywhere.

Titan -> He/Him/They, 23 years old, Bisexual, and a Law Major. Really strict and down to business type person. Switches between being fun to be around and being super boring. He has no in between.

Jax -> Any pronouns, 22 years old, Homosexual, and a Programming Major. Super bubbly and outgoing, has Vitiligo and ADHD. Huge fan of dogs, like die hard dog fan. Also really enjoys reading and almost chose to be an English major. Typically comes across as Gay as Fuck to everyone but harbours a huge crush on Titan.

Irene -> She/Her/They, 21 years old, Lesbian, and a Communications Major. She is Finn’s ex-girlfriend and they get along oddly well. She’s super headstrong and doesn’t take anyone’s shit. She has a child, who though isn’t biologically hers, she cares for with her Significant Other.

Rusty -> They/Them/It, 22 years old, Attracted to Women, and a Biology Major. They are Irene’s significant other, their child - who is named Francesca but is called Frankie - lives with them in a small apartment. They’re deaf, speaking through writing or sign language.

Randoms ships i guess:

Rusty x Irene (Plot canon)

River x Ryder (Pending...)

Atlas x Finn (Idk if I rlly ship them BWHAHSH)

Titan x Jax (Mainly one-sided)

So yeah! I do write for my ocs, if u wanna request something!

[donut-powers]

Day 4: Keith Claes

My boy Keith is the best boy out of the cast according to anitrendz, congrats!

I don't really have a lot to say about Keith. I don't ship him with Katarina, that's his sister. NOPE

He has strong af magic BUT he is physically meh. Noodle boy.

Thanks to Katarina he is more comfortable using his earth magic.

When he helps Katarina with her field, he usually uses his earth magic.

I like to imagine that as Katarina's little bro she taught him how to climb.

Looking at the flashbacks from this weeks episode(7) Katarina doesn't take care of her hair that much, so Keith likes to brush her hair.

He started to take care of his hair because he once read that girls like guys with good hair.

He spends more time with Luigi (Papa Claes) because he needs to prepare to be the future duke. 

He would say "SHAMELESS" whenever anyone tried to get close to Katarina, he doesn't want any of the other suitors getting close to his sis, SPECIALLY Gerald (I really miss muse from love live ok). Nobody is aloud to lewd his sister.

He develops his own version of the Katarina-glare®, but it's based on the original (and way superior) Diana aka mama Claes glare. His version is way less intimidating but it works

He probably plays the trumpet or some other wind instrument (it would be way funnier if it was the tuba) maracas

He learns a lot of pop culture references through Katarina’s weird rants

He wonders wtf Katarina is talking about sometimes

"What do you mean that we are not those type of cousins, you are my nee san?" - Keith

She is referring to this type of cousins

He really appreciates that Katarina is a social butterfly because now he has friends (he is not lonely).

He doesn't know why Katarina tries to keep him away from Nicol, they are just friends (right?)

Being oblivious runs in the family, he doesn't notice when someone subtly flirts with him.

He might is kind of shy, but once he can legally drink OH BOY, he turns into an unstoppable flirt.

As the president of Katarina mustn't end with Gerald club he holds a meeting once each month asking everyone else in the harem how's their romantic progress with Katarina. He wants the harem to play

He praises Katarina when she does something good, but if she asks him to be honest he can be savage af.

I honestly would prefer if they actually acted like real siblings(shitty AF but still willing to die for each other).

Katarina makes a lot of bro jokes with him, and he is moved by all of them, example: 

Katarina: bro, close your eyes

Keith: Okay onee san

Katarina: what do you see?

Keith: Nothing nee san

Katarina: that's my life without you

Keith, in tears: ONEE SAN!

Also this when Katarina is trying to write her Fortune Lover Manual: 

I have seen a lot of people ship him with Sophia, just because they want Sophia to be related to Katarina(at least let her fight for her love), but it makes a lot of sense if they don't end up with her. They would be a chill couple, they are not dramatic. They would visit Katarina a lot (she would kill someone with her butt)

On a side note:

The anime is making me ship Keith and Gerald, I'm not going to go further than that cause that's a whole can of worms that I don't want to open anytime soon.

[littlemonstersau-blog]

The Feels Awaken, Part 2: The Fandom’s Menace

Written by @jkl-fff, illustrated by me

PART I - PART II [Interlude]  - PART III (you are here) - PART IV [Interlude]

———————————————————————————————-

Soos, excitedly setting up everything: Dude, I knew exactly what we should watch as soon as Stan said “movie day”. The prequel trilogy of Cosmos Conflicts! I’ve been meaning to show you them since, like, the first time you said you love the first two originals movies, and even more since we all sat down together so you could finally see Return of the Jelived, Bitch! The prequels’re actually, like, seriously three of my all-time favorite movies ever.

Ford, actually smiling: Heh. I would’ve watched them before now— especially now that I know how keen you are to share them with me— except Dipper and Mabel would never let me. They kept saying they loved me too much to let me watch them, if you can believe it.

Soos: Well, I admit they’re not the most popular with fans, yeah, but that’s just ‘cause, like, most people can’t handle this much raw, concentrated awesomeness.

Melody, deadpan on the floor: Uh huh. That’s exactly what it is.

Soos: It’s like really spicy food; some people just don’t have a— whatcha call it?—sophisticated enough palette to appreciate the awesome sauce. Y’know?

Melody, still deadpan: Most just aren’t refined enough. For sure. Yep. That explains it.

Stan, entering TV room: I got drinks for everybody!

Bill, right after him: And I got the popcorn! Let’s jump right in to this glorious madness!

Melody, mildly surprised: You like these movies?

Bill, passing around bowls of popcorn: Absolutely! They’re one of the hottest messes in cinematic history!

Stan, passing around cups of soda: Mel, you sure you don’t want my easy chair? It’s no problem, really.

Melody: Lying flat is the best thing for my back lately. Besides, I can put my feet up in my honeybear’s lap while he rubs them for me.

Soos, genuinely happy at this prospect: Sure can, honeybadger!

Stan, taking his seat: Well, if you’re sure. C’mon, gremlin! [picks up Bill]

Bill, almost giggling: Whoahoho! Careful, I’m gonna spill!

Stan, setting Bill next to him (on opposite side of Ford): There. All comfy, kiddo?

Bill, deciding to settle in like a cat: Alright, yeah, I’m okay with this. Primo seating and everything!

Ford, making himself look straight ahead: Let’s start it.

TV: George Dufasfilms Ltd. and 20th Century Foxups presents … Cosmos Conflicts, Episode 1! The Phantom Nuisance! [fanfare theme song plays, prologue crawls upward]

Ford: Wait, what? “Turmoil has engulfed the galaxy because taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems is in dispute”?! This is about freaking tax policy? And that leads to galactic turmoil?

Stan: Don’t know ‘bout you, but the IRS certainly causes me turmoil. [Soos stops rubbing Melody’s feet long enough to highfive him]

Ford, incredulous: This is a prequel, right? So why is all their tech more advanced? Why are there more and better droids?

Soos: Well, the Trade Union canonically uses droids more than other species. It only makes sense they’d create more advanced—

Bill: Because George Dufas has a robot fetish. That’s seriously why. He uses the entirety of this film like normal people use hardcore porn.

TV: Master, I have a bad feeling about this. TV: Be mindful of the Living Force, my rattail-coiffed padawan.

Ford: Pada-what-now? That’s not a word. Why didn’t they go with “apprentice” or—heck!—“squire”, since they’re Jelived Knights?

Soos: Shhhhh!

TV: Gee thanks, Master, that’s certainly helpful and not at all vague. That advice will definitely help me be a diplomat, even though Jelived like us are more like killer, magic samurai-priest-cops. TV: Indeed, my superfluously-ponybobbed padawan, which is why we have openly worn our iconic bathrobes and lasercutlasses instead of even the most basic of disguises. Letting the Trade Union know the Senate sent trained killers will surely put them at ease.

Melody: Nope, they’ll try to gas you both now. Good thing they kept all that toxic gas in their air vents.

TV: My fellow crafty and greedy Trade Unionist insectoids. First, I raise a glass to our race’s abandon of our native customs and tongue in favor of caricatures of antiasian stereotypes and accents. TV: Hear hear! TV: Second, we have done well in executing our secret Shit master’s evil plan to blockade this world of minor socio-economic importance (for some reason), and to kill those two Jelived. They must surely be dead by now, so let’s send in some droids to kill them further. TV: But, sir, they’ve only been in there for fifteen seconds. TV: OPEN THE DOOR, I SAY! AND SEND IN … FIVE DROIDS! TV: Sir, predictably, they weren’t dead, and destroyed the five droids. Now they are cutting through the door to our command center. TV: IMPOSSIBLE! SEND … TWO MORE DROIDS! NO, THREE!

Ford: Wasn’t the hangar full of battle droids?

Melody: Oh, the whole ship is. They just want the fight to be fair.

Ford: … what. [watches as Trade Union leader makes a call to Queen Imdolledupa] … What. [watches as she tells her council “I won’t condone actions that could lead Planet Baboon to war, even if we have been blockaded for months at this point and they’re clearly planning an invasion”] … What. [watches as invasion lands on opposite side of planet than cities] … WHAT.

Bill, grinning: Don’t worry. It gets worse. Much, much worse. Starting … right … now.

TV: Tank yusa for saving mesa from dose bombad battle droids, yusa Jelived who escaped da main starship by sneaky-sneaky on dat transport! Mesa love you! Mesa follow you forever and ever! TV: Master, I sense that this Jerkjerk creature will bring suffering to millions. May I please cut him down for the good of the Force? TV: No, my practically mulleted padawan. We need him alive, because … reasons. Probably related to merchandising. TV: Mesa take yusa to secret, bubble city of mesa people now!

Ford, through gritted teeth: Who the fffff … fuzz is that annoying frog-lizard-man, and why do I feel a collective unconscious urge to beat him to death with my bare hands?! Why aren’t the Jelived Force Choking him, or at least Mind Tricking him into leaving?

Bill: That is Jerkjerk Kinks, a monument to Dufas’s amphibian fetish and the first reason the Twins wouldn’t let you watch this movie.

Soos, defensively: He’s not that bad! He’s got a good heart!

Melody, sighing: Oh, my sweet, innocent, naïf honeybear …

TV: Boss Gass, even though you dislike the humans who invaded and colonized your planet, and even though you live completely apart from them in your Plasmatlantis, you are symbiotic with them. TV: Mesa tinking yusa no understand what “symbiotic” means. TV: Well, if you won’t help the humans, at least don’t kill Jerkjerk—

Ford, spitting out popcorn: YES, KILL JERKJERK!

TV: —because he owes me a life debt and is now basically my slave. Your gods and laws demand that his life belongs to me. TV: Mesa tinking it racist for yusa to claim to understand oursa laws and culture, white man. And to claim ownership of a sentient being (dat isn’t a droid). But yusa hair so fabulous and mesa so bored wit dis conversation, mesa give yusa Jerkjerk and submarine so yusa go. TV: Excellent. Now, to boat through the planet’s watery core.

Ford: … That is literally impossible. Even if the core was water, the center would be denser than rock because of all the pressure. [watches as ship navigates past giant sea monsters] There would be no light, no life, no nothing down there.

Soos, patiently: Yeah, but it’s fun. That’s what matters.

Stan: I like how they just happen to pop up in the capital city, and how nobody notices them, even though it’s occupied.

Bill: I like how the people of Planet Baboon put up absolutely zero resistance to the Trade Union’s invasion, despite all the forewarning they had since the blockade and from the invasion landing clear on the wrong side of the planet. If only Imdolledupa had been Mayor of Gravity Falls, am I right? Heh heh … heh … What? Too soon?

Ford, grimacing at Bill: Mmm …

Stan, patting him: Gremlin, it’ll prob’ly always be too soon for that.

TV: Master, there’s the Queen. How fortunate we came up next to her, and that the Trade Union decided to march her through the streets instead of simply landing a shuttle outside the palace. TV: Yusa big fortunate dey only escorted by six droids even dough hersa entourage has twenty people! TV: … Master, yet again I beg you to let me kill this irritating— and you’re already gone … and the droids are already dead. TV: Majesty, I am Jelived Master Leam-Nee San. Come with me if you want to Jelive. We’ll escape this planet, take you to the Senate, and tell them how heated this tax policy dispute has gotten here. TV: You arrived at a fortunate time, Jelived, because they were about to make me sign a treaty legalizing their invasion of Baboon.

Melody: ‘cause that’d be totally legit, right? No coercion at all.

Stan, nudging Bill, whispering: Maybe you should’ve forced Mayor Cutebiker to sign a treaty, eh?

Bill: Heh! But you just said—

Ford, grimacing at Stan: Mmm … [watches as they find an unguarded ship and fly straight at blockade instead of around it; ship gets away, but with hyperdrive damage] Okay, why is that Jelived—what’s his name? Yuan-Mac Gragor?— repairing the hyperdrive instead of a pilot? Is that supposed to be standard training for Jelived, or something?

Soos, shrugging: Seems like it’d be pretty easy to pick up to me.

Melody: Well, yeah, it would be for you, honeybear. Mr. Handyman with the magic fingers! Aw, yeah, that’s the spot … Keep rubbing …

TV: We can’t land on Hallowine, it’s controlled by Pitsa-Hutts! They’re gangsters! It wouldn’t be safe for Queen Imdolledupa! TV: I’m sorry, non-Jelived person, I couldn’t hear you over how luxurious my hair is. And I don’t care what you said anyway. Now, I’m off to buy us a hyperdrive. Time and stealth are of the essence, so naturally I’m going to take with me a slow-rolling droid, my frog-lizard-man slave who is so idiotic he will step in every literal and figurative pile of doodoo, and this willful teenage girl. TV: Master Jelived, not to question your wisdom, but— TV: Good. See to it that you never question any Jelived ever again, for we are infallible and will take off your head. Tata for now.

Stan: Why take Jerkjerk? D’you think he was hopin’ to sell him? Or maybe just ditch him?

Ford: Being amphibious, it’s likely the extreme heat and dryness might’ve proved fatal to him. Perhaps the hope was he’d drop dead.

Soos, whimpering softly: Why does everyone hate him? He just wants to help!

Ford, curtly: Because he’s the worst, Soos. He’s just … the worst. [watches shadowy Shit Lord Farth Sidious bitch at Trade Union for letting the Queen get away, then dispatches Farth Maul to fix it; watches heroes wander into a desert town on Hallowine]

TV: How fortunate the first shop we enter has a hyperdrive for sale. Now to use my Mind Trick on the disgusting, pig-butterfly proprietor without once having the least of scruples about how unethical that is. TV: Ha! Mind Tricks won’t work on me, only MONEY! I’m surprised you couldn’t tell from my Yiddish accent and hooked nose, human.

Ford, eyes wide in shock: Did they really just—

Stan, shaking his head: Moses—

Soos, blanching: Oh, yeah … I, uh, k-kinda forgot about him. Sorry, dudes. I guess all the lasercutlass duels and space battles made me forget about the, um, antisemitic stereotypes.

Ford: Not … Not your fault, Soos. We’ll just—

TV: Are you an angel? I know it doesn’t make sense that angels exist as a mythological concept in our galaxy, but you’re really pretty, so … I’m a slave, by the way. So is my mom, though you’d never know it since we dress like everybody else and get to walk around freely. I saved your frog-lizard-man friend thing from a brawl, by the way. My name’s Otherkin Skyjogger. I’m 9, but that doesn’t matter, angel. TV: I’m Padmy Resume. I’ll try to forgive you for saving Jerkjerk. TV: Is your friend with the magnificent hair a Jelived, angel? He has a Jelived weapon. There’s a sandstorm coming, even though the air looks exactly the same as it did a while ago, so you should all come have dinner at my place. My mom won’t mind, even though we have very little money for food, presumably, what with being slaves. TV: Why not? Story’s not going anywhere. I’ll get Leam-Nee San.

Bill, stifling a cackle at the next scene: (My favorite dialogue!)

TV: Queen, this is a holo-transmission from Baboon, even though we have no idea where your ship is because you’re hiding. Anywho, the Trade Union is awful, the death toll is catastrophic, the weather is a little humid. Please contact us; this is not an obvious ploy. Love ya, bye! … Wait, did I just say “love ya” to the Que— TV: I know I’m just a padawan with a pointlessly stupid haircut, but I’m gonna tell your planet’s leadership what to do now. *Ahem*. That was an obvious plot to learn where the Queen is. Don’t reply.

Stan: If I was that security office, I’d bitchslap that uppity teen.

Melody, warningly: Language.

Bill: Sorry, Mel, he meant to say “teenslap that uppity bitch”. [highfives Stan]

Ford: Pffhaha! *ahem* [watches Otherkin take them home and mother is all “Sure, why not? I’ll give room and board to three strangers who’ve taken a not-at-all unsettling interest in my prepubescent son. Now for a dinner chat!”] Wait, what? Did he seriously just say he’s the only human who can rocket-chariot race? But racing is just … racing!

Bill: He just wants to impress the “angel”, so he’s exaggerating. But she believes him even though he’s 9 and obviously has a crush on her ‘cause she’s kind of a Dumasc.

Melody, more warningly: Language.

Soos, reluctantly: Actually, he’s not swearing. It’s an in-canon term for “politician” ‘cause the galactic capital is on Planet Dumascent.

Bill: And it’s very political of her—gets them free room and board. Yep, that Dumasc ain’t no dumbass.

Ford and Stan, cracking up: Pfffhahahaha!

TV: There’s a problem, my should-just-get-a-buzzcut padawan. I found a hyperdrive, but couldn’t Mind Trick the owner to give it to me for racist and plot-related reasons, and it’d be unethical to just steal it (and I just can’t be unethical). Nor could I buy it with a promise of higher repayment next week from Jelived funds. But, fortunately, there’s a rocket-chariot race soon, and if this 9-year-old Force Sensitive I just met wins … we’ll get the money to buy it!

Stan, exasperated: What, does George Dufas also have a fetish for 80s sitcom clichés? Don’t answer that question, Bill.

TV: And I’ll win the kid as a slave—Jelived apprentice, I mean— because I unironically rigged a dice toss with my powers. I had to bet the Queen’s ship, but I’m sure she won’t mind if we don’t tell her. TV: Ah, but you’re going to use Jelived powers to rig the race, right? TV: What?! Never! That would be unethical and spoil the suspense! TV: … Master, I’m concerned your gambling addiction is— TV: What? Khshh! Can’t hear you! Khshh! There’s a sandstorm! Oh, also, I’m transmitting the kid’s blood sample through our radio. TV: That’s not how radios work, Master, but okay … dum di dim … Got the results, and this kid has more midi-chlorians than Yoda.

Ford, suspicious: What … are … those?

Bill, grinning: The second reason the Twins wouldn’t let you see this movie. Heh heh heh …

TV: My 9-year-old son is meant to help you in this dangerous race. It’s destiny, and stuff. That’s why I’m so criminally permissive. Oh, did I mention his conception was immaculate?

Ford, jumping up: WHAT?! JESUS CHRIST!

Bill, grinning: Exactly. Space Jesus Christ.

Ford: Does … Does this mean … midi-chlorians …

TV: Sir, you were talking to my mom about midi-chlorians? TV: Ah, yes, the omnipresent, microscopic organisms that confer the Force randomly upon some individuals, are not at all mystical or magical, and are probably your daddy, O Chosen One of the Jelived.

Ford, apoplectic: WHAT THE FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF—

Soos, whimpering softly: Oh, no! the Angry Words™!

Melody: Don’t you dare, Stanford Pines!

Ford, like a death metal singer: —UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU—

Melody: Don’t! You! Dare!

Ford: —NDAMENTALLY STUPID IDEA IS THIS CRAP?! AND HOW DOES FARTH MAUL KNOW TO CHECK THIS PLANET, BUT THE JELIVED DON’T SENSE HIS DARK PRESENCE?! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS BULLSHI—

Stan, as though his brother wasn’t screaming: Oh, look, Sixer. It’s time for the big rocket-chariot race.

Ford, breathing heavily: If this isn’t the best race ever, I swear … [watches race] Okay, yes, that was genuinely exciting.

Soos, relieved: Hooray!

Ford: Enough that I’m going to overlook the sabotage in front of a stadium of spectators, the fact it didn’t actually impede his winning, the ludicrousy of Otherkin catching up to but not passing his rival, and Java the Pitsa-Hutt being shown sleeping through the race. I mean, really? Why would you suggest your own film is boring?

Melody: To be fair, this is basically space NASCAR, and earth NASCAR is boringer than golf.

Ford, muttering to himself: More boring … Grammar …

TV: Alright, my shamefully beardless padawan, take the hyperdrive and everyone else back to the ship while I make Otherkin say goodbye to his mother forever and ever and ever. TV: About that, Master. Why don’t we just take her with us, too? I mean, slavery’s incontestably morally abhorrent, and we’re Jelived and can screw the consequences of most our actions. TV: What?! Never! TV: Because it’d be unethical to steal someone’s property, Master, even if that property is a sentient being? TV: Well, that, and we already have one major woman character for this whole trilogy. Why would we have more than one woman?

Melody: Grrrr, sexism … Makes me always hope Maul’ll kill him.

TV: Goodbye, son. Jelived, promise you’ll take care of my son? TV: What? Sorry, I couldn’t hear you over how opulent my hair is. Anyway, tata forever. Come along, Otherkin. TV: I love you, mom! I’ll never forget you!

Stan, looking sideways in surprise: Gremlin, are … are you crying?

Bill, swiping at eyes: W-what, me?! No! Not like goodbyes’re s-sad! I just got, um, some g-glitter dust in my eyes … All Mabel’s fault the stuff is freakin’ everywhere in here …

Stan, putting an arm around him: Heh. Tell me about it, kiddo.

Ford, silently glancing sideways at Bill: (… hmm …)

TV: Excuse me, Yuan-Mac, but isn’t that a Shit Lord attacking your master right outside the ship? Shouldn’t you go help him? TV: I would, but this chair’s just too comfy. If I get up, you know Imdolledupa will steal it (that bitch!). Besides, look, Leam-Nee San got aboard the ship just fine. Oh *sigh* and so did his new slave boy. Guess I should go introduce myself to that homewrecking hussy— er, kid! I meant kid … Hello, Master and filthy slave boy. TV: Ah, my worst-hair-of-the-three-of-us padawan, meet my new younger and cuter padawan, Otherkin Skyjogger. The Chosen One. I’m sure you two will be best friends and as close as brothers. TV: Hi! (I’m daddy’s new favorite. Die jealous about it.) TV: Hi! (I will throw you into a volcano the first chance I get.) TV: I knew you two would hit it off. But I wonder who that person in black with a red lightsaber was who attacked me just now … Well, I’m off to bed. Don’t stay up too late becoming best friends.

Ford: Does he really not pick up on them hating each other then?

Soos, confused: What’re you talking about? They get really close.

Ford: Pff. Yeah, which is why Farth Vaper strikes him down in the original movie, right?

Stan: Eh, what’s a little strikin’ down between brothers?

Melody: “Space is cold,” Padmy Resume says to the kid. Like, don’t they have temperature controls in their ships?

Bill: Don’t forget, this was “a long time ago”. They hadn’t invented space heaters yet.

Ford: Ha! Haha—er, *ahem* that was … that was clever. [watches them land on Dumascent, a planet-wide city] That … is also impossible. Completely unsustainable. Without trees, how do they breathe?

Bill: They export all their CO and CO2, and import … everything, pretty much. Oxygen, food, water … It’s the reason they named the planet Dumascent; they’re all—

Melody, warningly: Don’t say it.

Bill, silently mouthing at Ford: (… dumbasses.)

Ford: Heh heh … [watches Imdolledupa’s retinue go with Baboon Senator Shiv Saltine while the Jelived threesome goes to the Temple and tests Otherkin]

TV: Esteemed fellow Senators, I haven’t made a big deal about it, because I kinda suck at my job, but Baboon was invaded recently. I now introduce Queen Imdolledupa and Representative Jerkjerk—

Ford, sarcastically: Well, he certainly is qualified.

TV: —who will speak on my planet’s behalf, thereby rendering my presence here as a Senator utterly redundant. Majesty? TV: I— TV: I’M THE SENATOR FROM THE TRADE UNION, BECAUSE IT TOTALLY MAKES SENSE A COMPANY HAS EQUAL REP WITH INHABITED PLANETS, AND I NOW FORMALLY MAKE A MOTION OF “SHUT UP, BITCH”! TV: Motion is seconded. The bitch is hereby required to shut up. TV: … Okay, y’know what? Screw y’all bureaucrats. As queen, I raise my planet’s middle finger at all of you. Now, I’m going back to do what I should’ve done months ago … fight the invaders! TV: Mesa going wid you? TV: Sure, why the space heck not?! We’re out. Peace between worlds!

Melody, raising a fist: You go, girl! Better late than never!

Bill: And the moral of the story is that democracy doesn’t work.

Ford, dubious: Thank you, Farth Cipher. Anyway, if we get lucky, Jerkjerk will die painfully in the coming battle.

Soos, whimpering: He’s just doing his best!

TV: Spoken, the Jelived Council has (meaning a decision, I’ve made with Master Sa-Myul Jaxon, which abide the other masters will, if what’s good for them, they know). Your padawan, Otherkin won’t be. TV: Master Jaxon, for clarity’s sake, could you explain why not? TV: Our code forbids someone as old as he is be trained. For reasons. Our code forbids you having two padawans at once. For reasons. TV: And much fear in him, we sense. Which bad, always is. TV: But, Master Yoda, his midi-chlorians—

Ford, jumping up: RRRAAAAAARRRGHGHGHGHGHGH!

TV: —and he’s the Chosen One prophesied to bring balance—

Ford: WHO EVEN MAKES THESE PROPHECIES?!

TV: —and it’s kind of hypocritical of you to say his fear is bad even as you are all too afraid to let train him be trained. TV: Clutching my pearls, I now am! A scandal, this is! TV: The council forbids you training him, Leam-Nee San. TV: Huh? Sorry, Master Baldy, I couldn’t hear you over how sumptuous my hair is. Oh, and now my middle fingers are up for some reason. Strange … Well, better go train Otherkin. I’ll start by taking him to the soon-to-be Baboon warzone. Tata, bitches.

Bill: I guess we call that Leam-Nee San’s act of … HAIResy!

Ford and Stan: Pffhahaha!

Melody, annoyed: The prophecy (we almost never hear about again) is to bring “balance to the Force”, right? Why do none of them ever consider that might signify strengthening the Dark Side? I mean, Jelived are kinda dominating the galaxy right now, and are always trying to stomp the Shit out of existence.

Ford and Stan and Bill, uncontrollably: Hehehehehehehe!

Soos, plaintively: Why must we always question it, dudes? Why can’t we just enjoy it?

Stan: ‘cause they’re flyin’ back to the planet without any trouble. Look, the blockade is gone. Where the heck did it go?

Bill: They got sucked into a black plot hole. Lots of those in space.

Ford: And they just happen to land in the swamp right where all the frog-lizard-men are hiding?

Bill: Don’t forget George Dufas made good actors act woodenly. See?

TV: Boss Gass, I woodenly beg you to help us. To be our allies. After this, we’ll return lands and first-class citizen status to you, even though your people are slimy and inferior non-humans. TV: Hmm … Wesa live in a bloody swamp. Wesa need all the land wesa can get. Okay, wesa fight wid you, and Jerkjerk is a general.

Ford, sarcastically: Well, he certainly is qualified.

TV: The plan’s for us to sneak into the palace via secret passages that of course it has. While one team seizes the Trade Union leader, 12 pilots will take on the blockade that just barely reappeared. Well, it’s just one ship for some reason now and not a blockade. So, yeah, 12 should be enough. Meanwhile, Boss Gass’s and *snicker* General Jerkjerk’s armies’ll be a cannon fodder distraction. TV: Mesa have no qualms wid taking on a better armed force. TV: Good, because you blinked and we’re in the palace already. TV: Oh, blast. I was going to leave you on the ship, Otherkin, but the Queen scene-transitioned us here too quickly. Okay, listen. I want you to find somewhere safe to hide, alright? TV: Yes, daddy. I mean, Master Leam-Nee San. TV: Uh, daddy—I mean, Master? That Shit from Hallowine is back. Should I have the Queen’s troops gun him down? TV: No, my why-didn’t-you-get-a-haircut-on-Dumascent padawan, we will seductively slip out of our Jelived bathrobes and duel him despite his badass, double-ended lasercutlass. BONZAI!

Ford, excited: Finally, the good stuff! [watches movie cut back to Jerkjerk; his people’s shields stop blasts, but not droids and tanks rolling right through them] … what. [watches Otherkin hide in a ship, activate it on accident, fly it into the heat of a space battle on accident, not get shot down but rather shoot down bunches of droid ships on accident—because the Force and because rocket-chariot racing and because fuck the audience— “I have no idea what I’m doing. I’ll try a spin; that’s a good trick.”] … What. [watches Jerkjerk shoot more enemies than all the stormtroopers in the original trilogy combined on accident, explode some on accident] … What. [watches Otherkin crash land inside the Trade Union ship on accident blow up its power core or something on accident, escape on accident] … WHAT.

Soos, unironically: Hooray for Jerkjerk! Hooray for Otherkin!

Ford: Boo for Jerkjerk! Boo for Otherkin! Why aren’t they dying?! [throws handful of popcorn at screen]

Bill, excitedly joining in: Woooooo! Anarchy in the living room!

Ford, ranting: Why are all the droids shutting down?! Why would anyone design battle droids without independent operating systems?! Why isn’t there at least one other battleship with a backup for them?! And where the fffff-funky music is my lasercutlass duel?! [watches Queen’s retinue capture the Trade Union leaders “Your invasion of the planet we invaded is over, immigrant sc … um, I mean, Asian sc … uh, no, that’s much worse … Well, anyway, it’s over, you scum who aren’t white or that token black guy!”]

Stan, blinking in surprise: I don’t remember this movie bein’ so racist the first time I watched it. Was it always like this?

Ford, throwing more popcorn: Get to the Jelived already! [watches legitimately epic duel with great choreography progress from starfighter hangar into some sort of massive power plant] … What is a power plant doing inside the palace?

Soos: Shhhh!

Bill: Well, on Baboon, the palace is the seat … OF POWER!

Ford: Ha! Indeed … Wait, why is there a corridor of laser doors? And who’s turning them on and off? Are they on an automatic timer, or something? That’s a terrible security design.

Stan: Especially since what they’re guarding is just a dead-end room with a gaping, bottomless pit.

Bill: Lady and Gentlemen, I give you … the movie’s plot hole!

Ford and Stan: Pffhahahahaha!

Soos: Guys, c’mon! You’re spoiling the emotional climax!

TV: Da—I mean, Master, I’m stuck behind a laser door! Hold on! TV: Not to worry, I’ve got this well in hand, my less-than—Gah! Oh, look at that … I’ve been impaled … Huh … Down I fall … TV: DAAAAADDDDDDYYYYY!

Ford, surprised: Wow … I actually am moved right now … [watches Yuan-Mac Gragor attack once door opens, get kicked into the pit but catch onto a convenient pipe thing or something]

TV: It’s over, Jelived. I, Farth Maul, have the high ground. TV: What a stupid thing to say, Shit Lord murderer! You will pay!

Ford: But how can Yuan-Mac Gragor possibly defeat him now? [watches him connect with the Force and do a flying backflip while drawing the lightsaber to him … and cutting Maul in half] OH, BULLSHIT!

Melody: STANFORD PINES!

Ford: The whole fight scene was the coolest except for that ending! Maul just stood there with his guard down let himself get killed off like a little bit—um … idiot. A genuinely intimidating villain, gone without a chance to develop, and in the least satisfying of ways!

Bill, casually: It was assisted suicide, really, ‘cause he couldn’t bear to live any longer in a universe where George Dufas is his god.

TV: Daddy! Master! I’m here! Hold on, please! TV: Listen … my first padawan, my first son … you must train him. Otherkin is the Chosen One … will bring balance to the Force … TV: I promise. No matter what. TV: And you must … get rid of that rattail, grow a proper mane … It’s important … for being a badass Jelived who don’t give a crap … TV: I will. The most magnificent mane ever, I swear. TV: Finally … most importantly … make sure to bury me … with winged eyeliner … *death rattle* TV: NOOO! I mean, I’ll do that, yes, of course. But NOOOOOOO!

Soos, tearing up: *sniffle* He was such a good Jelived.

Bill, evilly: I think you mean “Jedied”.

Ford and Stan: Pffhahahaha!

Bill: And don’t you meatbags usually consider owning slaves to be something that disqualifies a person from being good? Like, he had two of ‘em. Speaking of, you think this means Yuan-Mac Gragor inherits Jerkjerk? Is he legally permitted to euthanize him now?

Melody, considering that: I think the life debt is fulfilled now.

Soos, muttering: (You dudes all suck …)

TV: Come to Baboon, I have. Along with Senate soldiers to arrest the Trade Union (now that matters, Senate involvement does not). TV: Thank you, Master Yoda. That means a lot during my grief. TV: Out of pity, promote you to Knight we do. Also, more impressive than our lame, traditional trials killing a Shit, we consider. So … TV: And may I take Otherkin as my padawan? Just so you know, I made a deathbed promise to train him, so I’m going to anyway. TV: Changed their minds for no reason, the other councilors did. Little bitches, I consider them to be … But no reason, I have really to oppose his training. Other than that grave danger, I fear in his training for us all. For foreshadowing purposes, you understand. TV: Aren’t you always saying “fear leads to the Dark Side”? TV: Like your master, you are. Meaning go screw yourself, you can.

Stan: Convenient decision, ain’t it? Oh, time for the funeral.

Bill: I’m always amazed and, to be honest, a little jealous at the caliber of the winged eyeliner they get on Leam-Nee San.

Stan, shaking his head: Can you believe Yoda and Sa-Myul Jaxon are discussing Jelived business during the guy’s funeral? That’s just inconsiderate, is what that is. And why would the Shit follow that rule of two, anyway? I thought they were anti-Jelived.

Soos, dismal but unable to not answer: ‘cause they know treachery’s gonna happen sooner or later. One apprentice means only one person to keep an eye on.

Ford, derisive: Why not? Makes as little sense as everything else. Oh, they’re having a parade now. And … there’s a glowing orb? Why is the Queen giving a glowing orb to Boss Gass?

Bill: For his coffee table. It’ll make a great conversation piece.

Ford: Or would, except he’d then have to tell this awful story. Just awful … But the rest of the trilogy, it has to be better, right? It couldn’t possibly be worse.

Bill, smiling evilly: Heh heh heh … You say that now …

Soos, sulking: … I guess if you wanna watch ‘em, we can.

Melody, picking up on her husband’s dejection: Can we leave the movies with them, honeybear? I’m starting to not feel well.

Soos: Uh, sure thing, honeybadger, if you like. [gets up, helps her up, goes out the door with her] Um, see you dudes tomorrow!

Stan, with a tinge of regret: Y’think maybe we hurt his feelings raggin’ on the movies so much?

Ford, realization dawning: He … He did say they’re three of his favorite movies. Though I fail to understand why or how … All the same, perhaps I was being insensitive … again … [sighs, shrugs] Oh well. He’s not here anymore, so I suppose we can be as unbridled in our ragging as we want. And tomorrow, we’ll make it up to him. Somehow … Shall we put in the next one?

Bill, excitedly: 79 Hecks yeah! Oh, wait, they’re both gone now.

All three together: We can swear for real!

[leakinghate]

You are Wrong about Lotor

The advertisements for this season promised to blur the lines between good and evil and delivered exactly that. By the conclusion of Voltron Legendary Defender season Six our paladins have apparently killed the only true hero in this show, destroyed their only access point to unlimited clean energy, and kickstarted a civil war in the Galra Empire. Team Voltron, has become the villains.

What’s that?

Doesn’t sound like we watched the same show?

Let me explain.

The writing and framing this season were truly incredible. Meticulously calculated to provide just the right information at just the right time to draw the exact wrong conclusions. It aims to provoke a violent emotional reaction in the viewer and discourage them from thinking critically about what they’re seeing. Even better, it’s a double trick, as additionally, our protagonists in the show fall into the same trap. It’s so incredibly meta, to have your audience make the same, independent conclusion as your characters.

It’s emotional manipulation at it’s cruelest, and this is only the first of the one-two punch that’s due to land it’s second hit next season.

Because team Voltron is wrong about Lotor, and so are you.

To cut to the chase, the story the narrative wants you to conclude, is that Lotor is keeping a group of Alteans hostage to systematically drain them of quintessence for use in his experiments.

I’m going to tell you right now, that’s not what’s happening.

Romelle is either hopelessly naive or malicious: she straight up admits to only knowing parts of the truth. Suspiciously, she is the first and only person Keith and Krolia encounter, but just so happens to be the only person privy to the ‘dark secrets’ of the colony. What luck! Of course, they must avoid interacting with the other Alteans who reside in the colony, as nobody else would believe Romelle if she told them. Convenient.  As far as I am concerned, everything she tells them that was not also directly witnessed by Krolia and Keith is suspect.

Speaking of, how is it, exactly, that we know Lotor is extracting quintessence from these people? Hmm? Do we have any concrete proof? No. Keith jumps to conclusions. Keith shoots first and asks questions later.

Upon discovering the emaciated Alteans in the pods Keith immediately declares that Lotor must be harvesting their quintessence. We see no actual quintessence in the lab, and by the accumulation of dust it appears that the facility has been unused for quite some time. Logically, the quintessence that the blade intercepted, and that Keith and Krolia have been seeking the source of, had to have come from somewhere, but that place isn’t this lab. But, this is no time for logic; Keith, Krolia and Romelle race off to the Castle of Lions to confront Lotor.

Sendak was absolutely correct when he said that the paladin’s greatest weakness was that they value the lives of others. Because just the suggestion that some innocent people may have lost their lives is enough to prompt the paladins to ambush someone, guns drawn, who has thus far proved himself a powerful and valuable ally. They ask Lotor exactly zero questions and don’t allow him the time to explain themselves. And it was the idea alone that caused them to act, because at no point did they seek out any proof whatsoever!

Allura alone I will grant some leeway in her reaction.

I 100% understand why Allura reacted the way she did, after all the shit she’s been through. She’s only just managed to feel that not all Galra are as monstrous as Zarkon. She’s fallen in love with his own son, and she’s hoping with everything she has that he’s really a good person. I’m sure there was still some residual fear there, it can’t have been more than two years from her perspective since everything she’s known and loved was taken from her. It takes so long to shake a trauma like she’s been through, and many people never fully do. And when she discovers that Lotor has been hiding the existence of other Alteans from her? That he admits to having to sacrifice a few? That fear and anger flared up.

It’s conspicuous, that circumstances conspire to both render Lotor unconscious and to remove him from the castle before he can explain himself. He doesn’t even hear half of the things that he’s been accused of doing and so wouldn’t know to deny them. No one ever, at any point, asks Lotor if he’s been harvesting quintessence from living Alteans. We’re left waiting to hear his side of things, and then, the next thing he says referencing Team Voltron is this:

“Zethrid, Ezor, my deepest apologies for lying to you both. But in order to gain the princess’s trust, and make the paladins of Voltron believe we were truly at odds, it had to be done.”

This comes at an interesting place in the narrative. Seemingly confirming that Lotor has been manipulating Team Voltron the whole time, and thus invalidating the sincerity of any of his prior actions since splitting from his generals. Because it follows immediately upon the horrific accusations he was denied the chance to refute it also tricks us into thinking he’s admitting to them. After all, if he’s been faking this entire time, what couldn’t he be capable of? Except. This apology is itself a lie.

In fact, regardless of whatever understanding Lotor and Axca have between them, it is impossible for them to have been working together at any point between Axca’s betrayal at Daibazaal and The Generals allying themselves with Haggar; after the point in which Allura and Team Voltron began extending some trust to Lotor. While it’s possible - even probable - that Lotor and Axca may have had contingency plans for faking a split between the generals and Lotor, and some of those plans may have included attempting an alliance with Voltron, there are far too many moving pieces for all that transpired between them to have been planned ahead of time. Far too many opportunities for one or all of them to have died. And, consistently, Lotor puts his own survival and that of his loyal allies above all other priorities.

Simply put, if the generals hadn’t been recruited by Haggar they would have been executed. If Axca was loyal to Lotor at this point she would have had no good reason to risk her life by returning to the empire, especially when Lotor had just killed Zarkon.

He says this when he does because he needs Ezor and Zethrid to not fight him over returning to the Castle of Lions. His words towards his generals, notably using ‘power’ instead of ‘peace’, are chosen to convince them to work with him again and to give the impression that he has control of the situation and a plan - which he absolutely does not.

We know this is a facade, because the moment Lotor comes face to face - or ship to lion - with Allura again he drops it and reverts to language and mannerisms he’s been using before with her. But he’s doing this openly in front of his generals and they’re visibly perplexed.

Lotor rushes back to the Castle of Lions to attempt to reason with Allura. He loves her, and he's willing to put aside his pride and plead with her in front of both of their teams. You can hear the panic in his voice as he tries to hold it together.

And then Allura accuses Lotor of being worse than Zarkon. Everything after that, isn't really him. He has a mental breakdown. He’s had every support ripped away, and 10,000 years worth of repressed pain and anguish come crashing down on him. He's lost everything that matters to him, had the one person he though he could trust, the woman he loves, accuse him of his own greatest fear, and he's hurting.

In meta about prior seasons I’ve seen it expressed that it’s a miracle that Lotor escaped his upbringing as apparently put together as he did. He’s paranoid, and occasionally willing to go against his own moral code if it means surviving another day, but surprisingly stable.

Well, it turns out he isn’t. Lotor fairly obviously has some degree of mental illness, and it unfortunately contributes to his decline in the season finale. At the risk of getting too personal in a fandom meta post, Lotor’s breakdown is eerily familiar to me - and I would expect many other fans with experience with mental health issues as well. I too have had crisis like that, complete with screaming, ranting and threatening to kill everyone who’s ever even so much as looked at you funny.

This whole situation went to hell because team Voltron has a history of making decisions based on emotions rather than logic. So far, it’s worked out pretty alright for them, but that’s about to change. They’ve lost their home, their best chance for stability and avoiding a civil war in the Galra Empire, and a loyal friend. Because they let their emotions get the best of them and couldn’t take fifteen minutes to sort out their facts from their fears.

The only negative thing. The only negative thing Lotor admits to, is that ‘many Alteans perished in [his] quest to unlock the mysteries of quintessence.’ He does not say how they died, he does not say he killed them, he doesn’t even say that their deaths were intentional. For all we know, they died in a lab accident. Those Alteans in pods? Among the many functions pods like those are established to have in VLD are healing and cryopreservation. We don’t even know that those people are the deceased Alteans in question. We don’t even know if they’re dead!

The one and only time we see the blue quintessence used as intended in show is when Lotor uses the last of his supply of it to energize his Sincline ship and attempts to pass through the gate for the first time. In response to Zethrid’s concern that this is the last of their concentrated quintessence Lotor states that once they get into the rift they will have access to an unlimited amount of it. Therefore, it stands to reason that the white quintessence found in the rift contains the same properties as the blue of unknown origin. But that the yellow and purple the Empire uses apparently does not.  Lotor doesn't need the quintessence in the rift for the empire: he needs it for the Alteans. He's not manipulating anyone, his goals are the same as theirs: peace and free energy for the universe. While it’s likely the blue quintessence does have some relation to the colony, whatever that is, there is currenly no evidence whatsoever that it’s being extracted from sentient beings. He’s clearly looking for a replacement source as it is. He likely wanted to tell Allura about the Altean colony, but felt he needed to secure reliable access to the quintessence field before he could do so.

So what’s this second punch that’s going to land next season?

If you haven’t guessed already, think how this is actually going to turn out. Because we know Romelle is wrong, whether on purpose or by accident. She basically conspired to kill the man who did everything in his power to save her people and her culture. And she did so by turning his friends against him.

How are the paladins going to feel when they realize this? How is Allura going to feel? She left Lotor to die in the rift. After he begged her to see reason. After he confessed his feelings for her. After she fell in love with him.

Ultimately, despite what many people expected, and indeed what many people are saying, Lotor has never intentionally manipulated the paladins and he didn’t betray Team Voltron.

Allow me to repeat myself:

Lotor didn’t betray Team Voltron

They betrayed him.

Sincere thanks to all my fandom family in the Lotura 18+ discord. Nearly all of the conclusions reached in this meta were origionally hashed out during chat sessions. Love you all, and I hope for anyone disheartened by s6 this meta can give you a bit of hope for the future.

I sincerely believe, that when all things are said and done, Voltron: Legendary Defender is going to go down as one of the best shows ever created.

[booknerd1107]

Mixed Up by Emma Hart is a must read!

MIXED UP By Emma Hart Release Day: April 18 Hiring my brother’s best friend was not on my to-do list. Neither was he. Expanding my dirty cocktail bar into food was supposed to be easy, except finding a chef in my little town of Whiskey Key is anything but. Until Parker Hamilton comes home—bringing his Michelin starred chef’s hat with him. He has no work. I need someone like him in my new kitchen. There’s just one problem: I hate his cocky, filthy-mouthed, sexy-as-hell guts. Even if I might want him. Just a little… Working for my best friend’s sister? Not on my to-do list. She’s another story. Whiskey Key was supposed to be a relaxing vacation, except I haven’t reached the heights I have by lying in a hammock drinking cocktails. So when Raven Archer is desperate for a chef, I offer up my skills. I’m bored. She needs what I can give her. Except there’s a problem: I’ve always hated her. Her and her big, blue eyes, sassy mouth, and killer curves. If only I didn’t want her. US ➜ http://amzn.to/2j5KgZP UK ➜ http://amzn.to/2ji6ICr AU ➜ http://amzn.to/2ji2avX CA ➜ http://amzn.to/2jJo61G B&N ➜ http://bit.ly/2jJuYfc iBooks ➜ http://apple.co/2j2379t Sign up for an alert when the book is live ➜ http://bit.ly/EmmaAlerts ABOUT THE AUTHOR: By day, New York Times and USA Today bestselling New Adult author Emma Hart dons a cape and calls herself Super Mum to two beautiful little monsters. By night, she drops the cape, pours a glass of whatever she fancies—usually wine—and writes books. Emma is working on Top Secret projects she will share with her followers and fans at every available opportunity. Naturally, all Top Secret projects involve a dashingly hot guy who likes to forget to wear a shirt, a sprinkling (or several) of hold-onto-your-panties hot scenes, and a whole lotta love. She likes to be busy—unless busy involves doing the dishes, but that seems to be when all the ideas come to life. SIGN UP FOR ALL NEW RELEASE INFO! FACEBOOK / TWITTER / GOODREADS / AMAZON AUTHOR PAGE EXCERPT: I knew I was making a mistake. After what Raven said last night at dinner, I had the strongest urge to find out what her cocktail menu was. With names like Dirty Screw and The Slutwhisperer, what other gems did she have hidden on there? Shit, what gems were hidden inside her apparently filthy mind? I had no place to be thinking that. She was Ryan’s sister and the bane of my goddamn existence. I didn’t give a shit what was inside her head or how she came up with a filthy cocktail menu. I was going to believe that she’d spent stupid amounts of time on the Internet coming up with those kinds of names. Seeing her in that damn short dress yesterday had already affected me enough—not to mention the fact that she’d changed since I last saw her. I didn’t know people could change so much in only three years, but Raven Archer had. She was no longer post-grad, trying to seriously figure out what she wanted to do with her life, uncertain and serving burgers to people to make money. She was grown-up, in more ways than just her age. She was even hotter-headed that she was back then. She seemed stronger and more stubborn, and her tongue was so sharp I probably have scars from how quickly she cut me with her words. She was taller and fucking curvier, too. Her lips were fuller. Her eyes were brighter. And the general air that hung about her, that hint of sass and sexiness, the very same thing that made me insult her whenever I opened my mouth almost made me want her, too. And that was exactly why I couldn’t sit and think about what went on in her mind—filthy or otherwise. No matter what she looked like or how fucking hot she was, she was my best friend’s sister. Nobody was more off-limits than she was. That wasn’t a new development. It had always been that way. Thank fucking god I was only here for the summer, and only because my mother had guilted me into it. As soon as the summer was over, I’d go for my next challenge. I could get through a few weeks of being in the same town or two as Raven—because after today, avoidance was at the top of my life. Otherwise, I’d go fucking insane. Dirty was right on the seafront, only meters away from a small, sandy bay. It’d only taken me a few minutes to walk here from where I’d parked downtown, and despite the music coming from inside the bar, I could still hear the gentle crashing of the waves as they crawled up the sand. The water was right out, and I stared out at the water as I headed up the hill to the bar. Fairy lights twinkled along the underside of the roof that jutted out over the sidewalk. It was like a goddamn princess castle from the outside, but the beachy vibe was evident. Different sized and colored shells covered the pillars that held up the balcony that jutted out over the front doors. I pushed open the door. Cold air blasted into me, and so did the heavy bass beat of the music that blared out from the speakers just above my head. There were more fairy lights inside, but they were strung all beneath the bar, across the beams on the ceiling, and over the back wall where the spirits were on the wall. There wasn’t much else in the way of lighting, but what there was was effective enough in holding the entire space into a balance between bright and dusky. The inside of Raven’s bar was like being outside at the moment the sun set. I cast my gaze over the rest of the bar. The solid, wood tables and stools that lines the walls and filled the space to my left all had tiny vases of fresh flowers in. Even those were surrounded by fairy lights. Fucking hell, did she let a class of little girls in here to decorate? No matter what I felt about the fairy lights, it looked good. Damn good. I stepped up to the bar and leaned forward on it. Raven was at the other end of the bar, wearing jeans and a tight tank top that tucked beneath the waistband. Strappy, silver heels on her feet glinted off the under-bar lighting, and it was all too easy for me to drop my eyes there then slowly drag my gaze up the length of her entire body. Light bounced off the chrome cocktail shaker in her hand as she shook it. She popped off the top with one slick of her thumb, and without spilling a drop, poured the pink-red liquid into two martini-style glasses. With her other hand, she reached back to the register and jabbed at it. Seconds later, she was handing them back their change. It all happened in a flash. How did such she go from lost to…this…so quick? “Raven!” A dark-haired woman sitting a few stools away from me with her friend yelled. “There’s a hot guy staring at you!” I laughed loudly as Raven jerked around. Her gaze landed on me with what felt like a snap, and I swore she mouthed, “Motherfucker,” before she stalked to this end of the bar. Her hands slapped on the bar in front of me. “What are you doing here?” “I told you I was coming to check out your menu.” “He was checking out more than the menu,” the woman’s friend giggled. Raven held her finger up to them, and with her other hand, slapped a smooth, laminated menu in front of me. “Did you drive?” “No, I walked all the way from Key West.” I picked up the menu. “Of course I drove.” “Pick one,” she said, moving away. “I’m not serving you anymore than that. Make it a good choice. What can I get for you?” she asked someone else, cutting me off before I could say a word. I raised my eyebrows. “She runs a tight ship,” the first woman said. “Three days ago, there was a guy in here spiking drinks. She caught him and bashed him in the balls with her cocktail shaker so he couldn’t run from the security guard.” Could my eyebrows go up any higher? “That doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. I’ve seen her do worse.” The second woman’s eyes narrowed. “You have? You know her?” The first woman rolled her eyes. “Of course he does, Cam. When have you seen her react to a customer like that? He obviously pissed her off in a past life or something.” “I should be so lucky.” I smirked. “More like all in this life.” “Her brother’s friend, right?” She tilted her head to the side. “Yeah, she mentioned she hated you.” She’d talked about me? “She didn’t say you were hot, though,” the second woman said. “Camille!” Ahhh. The best friends. “What?” Camille said. “I’m just saying.” “No more Slutwhisperers for you,” the other woman—the one I presumed to be Lani—said, reaching for her glass. Camille leaned over and slurped the last of the drink through the straw. That explained the name of the cocktail. “What are you doing?” Raven asked, stopping in front of them. “Cam? Your glass is empty. Let me refill that for you.” She winked to the other girl as she turned around. What was she doing? She put her back to her friends and grabbed the tequila bottle. She tipped it over a cocktail shaker without actually pouring anything into it. My lips quirked up as she put together what was some pink juice or something and blended it with raspberries. She poured the mixture into a glass with some vigor in front of Camille. She’d made her a placebo. “Made your choice?” Raven turned to me, holding onto the shaker. “No.” I spun the menu to face her. “What do you think I should have?” Completely straight-faced, she said, “The Blue Balls.” HTML  

      Hiring my brother’s best friend was not on my to-do list. Neither was he.   Expanding my dirty cocktail bar into food was supposed to be easy, except finding a chef in my little town of Whiskey Key is anything but. Until Parker Hamilton comes home—bringing his Michelin starred chef’s hat with him. He has no work. I need someone like him in my new kitchen. There’s just one problem: I hate his cocky, filthy-mouthed, sexy-as-hell guts. Even if I might want him. Just a little…     Working for my best friend’s sister? Not on my to-do list. She’s another story.   Whiskey Key was supposed to be a relaxing vacation, except I haven’t reached the heights I have by lying in a hammock drinking cocktails. So when Raven Archer is desperate for a chef, I offer up my skills. I’m bored. She needs what I can give her. Except there’s a problem: I’ve always hated her. Her and her big, blue eyes, sassy mouth, and killer curves. If only I didn’t want her.    

AMAZON US | AMAZON UK | AMAZON AU | AMAZON CA | B&N | iBooks

  I knew I was making a mistake. After what Raven said last night at dinner, I had the strongest urge to find out what her cocktail menu was. With names like Dirty Screw and The Slutwhisperer, what other gems did she have hidden on there? Shit, what gems were hidden inside her apparently filthy mind? I had no place to be thinking that. She was Ryan’s sister and the bane of my goddamn existence. I didn’t give a shit what was inside her head or how she came up with a filthy cocktail menu. I was going to believe that she’d spent stupid amounts of time on the Internet coming up with those kinds of names. Seeing her in that damn short dress yesterday had already affected me enough—not to mention the fact that she’d changed since I last saw her. I didn’t know people could change so much in only three years, but Raven Archer had. She was no longer post-grad, trying to seriously figure out what she wanted to do with her life, uncertain and serving burgers to people to make money. She was grown-up, in more ways than just her age. She was even hotter-headed that she was back then. She seemed stronger and more stubborn, and her tongue was so sharp I probably have scars from how quickly she cut me with her words. She was taller and fucking curvier, too. Her lips were fuller. Her eyes were brighter. And the general air that hung about her, that hint of sass and sexiness, the very same thing that made me insult her whenever I opened my mouth almost made me want her, too. And that was exactly why I couldn’t sit and think about what went on in her mind—filthy or otherwise. No matter what she looked like or how fucking hot she was, she was my best friend’s sister. Nobody was more off-limits than she was. That wasn’t a new development. It had always been that way. Thank fucking god I was only here for the summer, and only because my mother had guilted me into it. As soon as the summer was over, I’d go for my next challenge. I could get through a few weeks of being in the same town or two as Raven—because after today, avoidance was at the top of my life. Otherwise, I’d go fucking insane. Dirty was right on the seafront, only meters away from a small, sandy bay. It’d only taken me a few minutes to walk here from where I’d parked downtown, and despite the music coming from inside the bar, I could still hear the gentle crashing of the waves as they crawled up the sand. The water was right out, and I stared out at the water as I headed up the hill to the bar. Fairy lights twinkled along the underside of the roof that jutted out over the sidewalk. It was like a goddamn princess castle from the outside, but the beachy vibe was evident. Different sized and colored shells covered the pillars that held up the balcony that jutted out over the front doors. I pushed open the door. Cold air blasted into me, and so did the heavy bass beat of the music that blared out from the speakers just above my head. There were more fairy lights inside, but they were strung all beneath the bar, across the beams on the ceiling, and over the back wall where the spirits were on the wall. There wasn’t much else in the way of lighting, but what there was was effective enough in holding the entire space into a balance between bright and dusky. The inside of Raven’s bar was like being outside at the moment the sun set. I cast my gaze over the rest of the bar. The solid, wood tables and stools that lines the walls and filled the space to my left all had tiny vases of fresh flowers in. Even those were surrounded by fairy lights. Fucking hell, did she let a class of little girls in here to decorate? No matter what I felt about the fairy lights, it looked good. Damn good. I stepped up to the bar and leaned forward on it. Raven was at the other end of the bar, wearing jeans and a tight tank top that tucked beneath the waistband. Strappy, silver heels on her feet glinted off the under-bar lighting, and it was all too easy for me to drop my eyes there then slowly drag my gaze up the length of her entire body. Light bounced off the chrome cocktail shaker in her hand as she shook it. She popped off the top with one slick of her thumb, and without spilling a drop, poured the pink-red liquid into two martini-style glasses. With her other hand, she reached back to the register and jabbed at it. Seconds later, she was handing them back their change. It all happened in a flash. How did such she go from lost to…this…so quick? “Raven!” A dark-haired woman sitting a few stools away from me with her friend yelled. “There’s a hot guy staring at you!” I laughed loudly as Raven jerked around. Her gaze landed on me with what felt like a snap, and I swore she mouthed, “Motherfucker,” before she stalked to this end of the bar. Her hands slapped on the bar in front of me. “What are you doing here?” “I told you I was coming to check out your menu.” “He was checking out more than the menu,” the woman’s friend giggled. Raven held her finger up to them, and with her other hand, slapped a smooth, laminated menu in front of me. “Did you drive?” “No, I walked all the way from Key West.” I picked up the menu. “Of course I drove.” “Pick one,” she said, moving away. “I’m not serving you anymore than that. Make it a good choice. What can I get for you?” she asked someone else, cutting me off before I could say a word. I raised my eyebrows. “She runs a tight ship,” the first woman said. “Three days ago, there was a guy in here spiking drinks. She caught him and bashed him in the balls with her cocktail shaker so he couldn’t run from the security guard.” Could my eyebrows go up any higher? “That doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. I’ve seen her do worse.” The second woman’s eyes narrowed. “You have? You know her?” The first woman rolled her eyes. “Of course he does, Cam. When have you seen her react to a customer like that? He obviously pissed her off in a past life or something.” “I should be so lucky.” I smirked. “More like all in this life.” “Her brother’s friend, right?” She tilted her head to the side. “Yeah, she mentioned she hated you.” She’d talked about me? “She didn’t say you were hot, though,” the second woman said. “Camille!” Ahhh. The best friends. “What?” Camille said. “I’m just saying.” “No more Slutwhisperers for you,” the other woman—the one I presumed to be Lani—said, reaching for her glass. Camille leaned over and slurped the last of the drink through the straw. That explained the name of the cocktail. “What are you doing?” Raven asked, stopping in front of them. “Cam? Your glass is empty. Let me refill that for you.” She winked to the other girl as she turned around. What was she doing? She put her back to her friends and grabbed the tequila bottle. She tipped it over a cocktail shaker without actually pouring anything into it. My lips quirked up as she put together what was some pink juice or something and blended it with raspberries. She poured the mixture into a glass with some vigor in front of Camille. She’d made her a placebo. “Made your choice?” Raven turned to me, holding onto the shaker. “No.” I spun the menu to face her. “What do you think I should have?” Completely straight-faced, she said, “The Blue Balls.”  

  By day, New York Times and USA Today bestselling New Adult author Emma Hart dons a cape and calls herself Super Mum to two beautiful little monsters. By night, she drops the cape, pours a glass of whatever she fancies—usually wine—and writes books.

Emma is working on Top Secret projects she will share with her followers and fans at every available opportunity. Naturally, all Top Secret projects involve a dashingly hot guy who likes to forget to wear a shirt, a sprinkling (or several) of hold-onto-your-panties hot scenes, and a whole lotta love.

She likes to be busy—unless busy involves doing the dishes, but that seems to be when all the ideas come to life.

SIGN UP FOR ALL NEW RELEASE INFO!

FACEBOOK / TWITTER / GOODREADS / AMAZON AUTHOR PAGE